#particularly wrt a patient's treatment

[marc--chilton]

ruhgh the pilot. the pilotttt.......... the patient getting wilson to reflect on house's actions and he barely has to examine before determining with a little smile that "yeah, he cares about me :) " like it's such a little thing. utterly precious. but also very smoothly gets the audience to think similarly: people will say anything, it's what they do that really shows what they mean and how they feel. love is a verb love is a doing word

[bilbobagginsomebabez]

the whole "gangsters don't deserve therapy" b plot is fascinating as an artifact from the transitionary period as talk therapy was popularized.

mental health intervention in the cultural imagination broadly went from being locked up in a mental asylum (scary, harsh, punitive and similar to prison) to emotional support with extra steps-- some guy asks over and over how that makes you feel, you eventually say out loud how it makes you really feel, and then ??? healed. probably a magic therapy laser. [therapy is obviously more than this.] there's nothing particularly special about honesty with a stranger, even if they're professional advice givers, so the next step in this logical progression is people who need/use/like talk therapy are emotional babies while people who need institutionalization are scary/polluted/Dangerous. talk therapy is delegitimized as a medical intervention and is just paid emotional support for extra sensitive people.

it's an excellent example of how criminalization stigma works by making criminalized actions more dangerous and then using that manufactured danger as evidence in support of criminalization. the classic example is drug use. when you make drugs illegal, the user is forced to forge criminal connections and enter dangerous situations and risk exposure to tainted substances in order to use the drug. if they face an emergency when using, they do not contact emergency services out of fear of punishment and more people die. if they want to stop, there is little help to be found and they rarely ask anyway out of fear of getting in trouble, keeping addiction rates high. these dangers are portrayed as inherent to drug use and used as justification for both opposing drug use universally and punishing those who make the mistake of getting caught up with them. but when drugs are legal, users to the store and go home. or a concert idk their itinerary. a safe place to get fucked up, not situations where they need their wits like getting away with a crime. if there is an emergency while using, they call for help and lives are saved. if they want to stop, they seek medical treatment and addiction rates fall astronomically. despite its efficacy, just letting drug users have drugs is seen as obscene, chaos, anarchy, inviting problems.

and then you make a show about a mobster getting talk therapy. and just like giving drugs to an addict, it doesn't make sense. this is a man that is scary/polluted/Dangerous due to his actions and his choices, not an extra sensitive person who needs more emotional support than others to get through the day. he does not deserve the extra emotional support for sensitive people, he deserves to be punished, kept locked up in a room away from normal not dangerous people so whatever makes him dangerous can be identified and forcibly altered. supporting him at all in any way without forced alteration must be dangerous, must be basically helping him better endure the emotional pain of crime and hurting others. like facilitating the harm he does to others by removing the obstacle of emotional difficulties that accompany it.

and this thought process was real enough to the show that it is causing the therapist negative social consequences. her husband and counselor are bullying her into dropping the client, and her new understanding of crime and its causes is alienating her from her more judgemental peers. and tony IS scary, he is predatory and scaring her through this period. he's had her followed, got her date beat up, stole her car, kissed her, and regularly erupts with belligerent tirades before storming out of their session. a very very difficult patient, but not altogether uncommon if the practitioner treats severe and persistent mental illnesses (SPMI). and instead of getting the support from friends and family that a practitioner would normally get wrt treating SPMI in a patient, she is blamed for it. if you didn't want to be treated that way, you shouldn't have taken on an evil dangerous patient and given him the wrong kind of therapy that makes him more dangerous. she can't ask anyone for help without being blamed for needing it.

because tony is so ruthlessly stigmatized, because our punitive culture cannot imagine a path forward without exacting vengeance upon him and claiming their pound of flesh, she and her work are stigmatized by association, her professional boundary as a doctor treating a patient with a right to medical care is is dissolved, and the intervention is made more dangerous through her inability to treat tony the same as any other patient and activate her own support networks in reaction to difficult work accordingly.

still in season 1 so idk how this is gonna pan out, but if it continues on this trend, i think the show probably had a significant impact on people's respect for and understanding of what therapy is and does. i bet the sopranos was to therapy what will and grace was to the gays

[placesthatchangedpeople]

A former resident about Eating Recovery Center

Hi! I'm new here. I've procrastinated for ages wrt joining reddit because I generally don't like it very much, but some communities speak to me. This is one of them.

The place I was sent to wasn't as bad as some of what I see here, I think because it was (purportedly) single-issue, rather than "treating" all kinds of teen trouble. They were hand in hand with wilderness camps and boarding schools, though. Their marketing directors - the people who gussy up the website and advertise their 97% parent satisfaction rate - were trained by, and have past experience at, CRC Health. They run Aspen education programs, and a whole bunch of other ones. They regularly sent kids off to wilderness camps or schools after they finished with ERC. It was like the "next step".

The place that I was was called Eating Recovery Center (ERC) and it's located in Denver, CO, although they have off-shoot locations in Texas, California, and more. They do have an adult treatment center as well, but I believe it is less abusive.

The child and adolescent inpatient and residential facility is awful, but incredibly popular. They've spread to something like ten states, luring families in with their garbage website. The whole thing is written like "Parents, you're so stressed, and it's because your child is a Gigantic Problem. We know how hard it is to have horrible kids. Please, send them to us, and we'll rehabilitate them while you get to relax and connect with the fun parts of life, which you haven't been able to do with your lil problem child over here." It's marketing genius. Whenever a kid says "hey, this is abusive", not only do they say that the kid is a dirty liar who just wants to leave, they actually say that this is proof that it's working. Like, "Your child has been taken prisoner by their Evil Disorder. As we cure your child from the Disorder, the Disorder gets scared and lashes out. Your true child is waiting underneath, and they're very excited to be healing. The more that your child fights our program, the closer to recovery they are. Claiming that we are abusive is, in fact, a sign of recovery." That's a summary, but you get the gist. It's like a god damned exorcism.

I was a patient there in 2013, in September. I wasn't there for long, because I made a fuss about their abuse, and I was 18 and they knew they couldn't fully shut me up, so they transferred me to a lower level of care. They did, however, convince my parents (who, to their credit, were just desperate and didn't want me to die; they've since acknowledged that they fucked up) that if I signed myself out of treatment, I should not be allowed home, and should be left to live on the street. The idea, I think, was that this would "shock" me into getting better. Yet they (the RTC staff) also told me that they didn't care if I was any better when I left so long as I followed their rules in the meantime. But, details. So.

They were emotionally and psychologically abusive, as well as neglectful and I'd say perhaps physically. Psychiatrically, too. The shittiest thing they did, in my opinion, was lock my twelve year old friend in isolation for 14 hours as punishment for exercising (I do not know how much she'd been exercising, but since this place considers standing up from a seated position to be 'excessive movement', it was probably nothing - standing up without permission was considered an infraction). She wasn't allowed so much as access to a bathroom, and wound up defecating on herself. Staff didn't see this as a problem. They told her it was her fault, and that she needed to make better choices.

The threat of isolation as a punishment for ignoring behavior warnings (three "redirections" and you're punished) was always there, and this room was called the "quiet room", if I remember correctly. During my stay there, there was one patient who was eleven years old and had some sort of developmental disability, and they kept him in isolation for what I think was days. I remember that he regularly wound up in there and that we could often hear him crying and screaming. How therapeutic /s

Patients were given NG (nasal gastric) tubes if they refused a meal. I had an NG tube put in, which didn't bother me very much, but it made my nose run like no other and made it really hard to swallow solid food. It wouldn't stop dripping during nighttime snack, but we weren't allowed Kleenex or napkins. I asked a staff member for a napkin due to literally not being able to stop the deluge of snot from my nostrils, right, and she kept refusing and said she wouldn't help me until I finished my snack. I kept asking and eventually, she gave me a really bitchy look and threw the napkins at my face. This isn't particularly abusive, I think, because napkins don't hurt, but that's just not the kind of behavior that should be shown by somebody working in a treatment facility. The staff would regularly scream at kids who didn't finish snacks or meals.

I, along with several of the kids, regularly didn't finish meals. And by regularly, I mean over the course of my first day or two, so not much of a precident, imo. This issue was brought up after dinner, when the group gathered for a post-meal check-in. Patients were encouraged to name the patients who were not finishing meals, explain how said patient was bothersome to them, and then the staff would shame the patients who were named, and ask the other patients to help come up with an appropriate "response" (punishment). The staff decided that we should be made to sit at a separate table, in a separate room, during meal times, and not be permitted to speak to each other, nor communicate in any other way. If we made prolonged eye contact or started giggling, we were reprimanded. Talking at meal times was one of the ways that patients coped with having to eat large meals, and it kept morale up, and they took it away as a punishment. It certainly doesn't make anyone eat better. When we had downtime, we were closely monitored so that we never discussed our grievances re: the program, with each other. We managed to anyway, by whispering and speaking as quickly as possible, by writing notes which we then had to dispose of (since they went through all of our belongings and journals, and withheld these things whenever they arbitrarily deemed them inappropriate - my journal was confiscated because I wasn't displaying the proper mindset). But staff were always looming, and it was stressful.

I don't remember exactly, but I'm pretty sure that I wasn't allowed contact with my parents for the first three days of my stay. I could be conflating it with some other hospital or center, but I don't think so. All parents of patients were encouraged to stay in the Denver area for as long as possible, and my parents rented a condo (while also forking out some $30,000 per month) and came in for family therapy a couple of times a week. Family therapy consisted of my "therapist" (she was licensed, but I've no clue how) encouraging my parents to complain about me, and when I said that I didn't like something my parents had done, she just said, "well, I don't think they're doing that. That's not what I see at all. Maybe you should change your behavior/perception/etc." She gave me these ridiculous assignments a few times each week, and I never completed them, because they were stupid and I was on Mission: Get Myself Kicked Out of Here, but I found the way she handled this to be a red flag. She was /so/ disappointed that I hadn't done the assignments, and looked at me all sad, and said "[name], that hurts me. It hurts me when you ignore these things that I've worked so hard on for you. I want to help you. This is hurtful, can you see that?" The fact that she was so manipulative without a single qualm really worries me, because the majority of the patients were younger and less defiant than I was, and bought into all of the brainwashing and manipulation that these people touted.

The majority of them came from abusive homes, but the RTC's whole philosophy is that mental illness treatment has been centered on parental flaws for too long, that parents are perfect, and that kids are bitchy little problems for no good reason. This is a tempting philosophy both for parents like mine who aren't abusive and don't want to be told that they are, and for abusive parents who want to be validated and excused.

Everyone there was deprived of sleep (I used to fall asleep on the concrete floors), water (only one cup with meals), and the right to use the bathroom when we needed to. Staff actually bragged about having had patients pee on the floor before, like this was some kind of accomplishment, not letting children pee.

The psychiatrists would keep children on medications that the children complained about, things that didn't help, and I was personally fine with my meds but I had friends who were being kept on awful medications. They eventually just started doing that thing where they move the pills to that little pocket between their teeth and cheek, swallow the water, pass the "swallowed pills" check, and then spit them out.

Somehow, at one point, the staff got it into their heads that I wasn't changing my underwear every day. I have no clue how this happened, but they implemented a policy where I had to show them my clothes each day so that they could "make sure" I was changing all of them. Like, what? That doesn't even make sense to me, because wtf, but it was just really degrading. This might be slightly TMI, but when I was on my period (and I have endometriosis, so it's really heavy and makes me nearly pass out/vomit when I'm not on 'round the clock birth control), they still wouldn't let me use the bathroom except on Their Schedule. I had to beg to be allowed to use it, and they got so mad at me. Like, sorry? I can't actually do anything about this?? That was really degrading too. As if I wanted to tell a whole bunch of hostile, abusive near-strangers that I'd bled through my clothes again, damn.

I don't remember ever having a phone call. I saw my parents on weekends for an hour, but there wasn't much communication. When they kicked me out of residential and put me in partial hospitalization (a ten-hour-a-day every day outpatient program in a nearby building, also run by them - it was a "step down" thing), they told my parents to never let me have my cell phone for longer than thirty minutes, and to watch me (and its screen) the entire time I had it. To go through all of my electronics and journals to make sure I was Doing It Right. They told my parents that withholding everything I enjoy until I recovered was completely reasonable, and that it was okay (even good) to kick me out on to the street if I was noncompliant. Hilariously, I'd nearly been sold into sex trafficking not two months before I went to ERC, when I was 17, and I'm like, y'all, if you'd kicked me out I'm absolutely sure I would have been trafficked for real. Like, damn, talk about a bad idea. The whole reason I developed the eating disorder, self harm, suicidal behavior etc was because I was sexually abused as a kid, but we weren't ever allowed to discuss anything of any real import in therapy groups, and anyway, I was just A Problem Child, not traumatized /s

To this day, I still can't handle the word "manipulative". I use it very occasionally myself, but for the most part, seeing it used to describe anyone just makes me bristle. Even genuinely manipulative people. I just can't handle it. I was branded as manipulative so many times just for hurting and wanting real help.

I know that most other patients there went through worse things than I did, but I don't know the extent at all. It seemed like the younger the kid, the worse the abuse. Some of the young kids were able to quickly adapt and become The Perfect Patient, but those who didn't, got it bad.

I'm glad that I was relatively lucky (a three month stay, a somewhat less abusive center, being older). But all of these places just piss me off so much. The general public knows nothing about it. I've lurked on this subreddit before and finally decided to bite the bullet and post on it. I know my RTC experience wasn't anywhere close to as bad as it gets, but it still screwed me up for a long time. Luckily, I'm 100% mentally healthy and happy these days, but it took a lot of work and was only ever made worse by ERC and abusive therapists like them.

[hoidn]

like a frickin’ four-year-old

i got stalled in my longmire rewatch because i finished season 4 and i just kept looking at 5x01 with my lip curled in distaste. despite the pain that vic's end-of-season-4 situation fills me with, the 'search for donna' episodes at the beginning of season 5 are the hardest for me to watch.

basically because walt is a complete dick.

early season 5 walt is his worst self. he's obsessive, myopic, selfish, and he treats the people in his life like shit if they don't behave the way he thinks they should. i did not sign up for the tired trope of the misunderstood loner genius (the only one who knows The Truth(tm)) with this show.

on the other hand, vic, precious angel of sass and fuck you, is a beautiful, magical starfish who walt certainly does not deserve. the contrast in her behaviour wrt donna vs his behaviour wrt eamonn is glaring. when walt merely thinks there's something going on between vic and eamonn, he acts like a complete douchebag, fires eamonn, and refuses to discuss any of it with vic. oh and he also flat out lies to her. walt has all the emotional maturity of a toddler, tantrums included. when vic knows there's something going on between walt and donna, she tries to get him to talk to her, and then literally takes care of him while also working her ass off to find his missing girlfriend. BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT YOU DO WHEN YOU LOVE SOMEONE.

i absolutely adore the scene in 5x03 where vic shuts donna the hell down, not so much because of what she says (although "i have no idea what makes you worthy of him" is a killer line), but the fact that she says it at all. it would be so much easier and potentially so much better for vic to just stay out of it, to let donna continue to avoid walt until he gives up (which it seems like he's already on the verge of doing at that point). but because vic loves him and wants him to be happy—and seems to believe that walt feels more for donna than he actually does (imo he's acting more out of guilt than any other emotion; or bonerz maybe, idk)—she goes to bat for him against someone who would ordinarily be positioned as her rival. that is the most generous, unselfish thing she could do and it breaks my heart. i'm just so proud of my girl in that moment.

so at this point in the show i'm over here saying, "i have no idea what makes walt worthy of you, vic." (yes, as the season goes on, walt does redeem himself, and i feel like season 6 returns to us the walt we knew in seasons 1-3. and i'm very, very happy about that. but here and now, even knowing how it all turns out, i still want to hit him in the face with a two-by-four.)

and then there's donna, who i just do not understand at all as a narrative decision. i want to point out that i don't hate her because she ended up being walt's love interest. i hated her from the beginning. i was an early adopter.

i hate her because she's a lousy psychiatrist and i've had to deal with too many of those to have anything but contempt for them. she's also a straight up deceptive and manipulative person. her actions regarding her patients make no sense in terms of her duty of care as a doctor. if you are a mental health professional and you believe your patient to be a danger to themself or others, you are required to divulge that information. so the only reason i can come up with why she refuses to do that is because she knows she's done something wrong in terms of their treatment and she's trying to protect herself by covering it up.

(plus, she's rude to vic, so.)

there's absolutely nothing in the writing or the interaction between walt and donna in 4x05 to indicate that she's anything more than a potential suspect to him. i honestly have no idea why he's interested in her or why we're supposed to believe that he is. oH THAT'S RIGHT HE HAD A DREAM ABOUT HER SO IT TOTALLY MEANS HE SHOULD DATE HER THAT SEEMS IN CHARACTER SURE OKAY.

apparently i will never be able to let this go. on my death bed i will be ranting about him GOOGLING HER SINCE WHEN DOES HE GOOGLE JUST WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK??

look, i get it, they didn't want walt and vic to get together at that point, but surely they could've come up with someone who had some appeal. at least lizzie made sense! she was pretty and likeable and clearly interested. (despite walt treating her terribly; i mean, his behaviour was truly appalling.) donna is neither likeable nor ever seems particularly interested as far as i can tell. nor does walt, honestly. so it just ends up seeming like a colossal waste of my time as a viewer, and a lot of heartache for vic. what's the fucking point?

in conclusion, vic moretti: protect her at all costs.

[buildarocketboys]

@afaintcloudyhaze

Oh man OK so I’d totally love you to watch it, obviously. I’m just gonna go on a bit of a ramble here about various things about the show/pros and cons lol (mostly just because it gives me a chance to talk about this show lol thanks for enabling me Kira)

So atm it’s on its 8th(?) series. So that’s a thing. I’ve basically been watching it forever because it’s set in Cornwall and so my parents obviously watched it and I watched with them. So that’s a thing. (Also I went to port Isaac where they film it and saw them filming it one time which was pretty awesome but I digress).

So in terms of how the show treats Doc Martin's autistic traits...it's pretty up and down imo. On the one hand, it's a comedy drama, so to some extent it's played for laughs? But idk I've never really felt like it's in a straight up 'haha *autistic trait* is really funny, let's laugh at it' kind of way. Actually, for the most part, it's more secondhand embarrassment, like I get SO MUCH secondhand embarrassment watching this show it's ridiculous. 

 But on the other hand...the doc IS the main character, and as such it's a pretty nuanced and often compassionate portrayal, and he never apologises for his traits or tries to (or even seems to want to) change them, certainly with regards to social stuff, which is pretty refreshing tbh. On the other hand he does go through some pretty great character development/trying to be a better person (because make no mistake, he can be kind of an asshole, and has some pretty conservative and ugh views, quite apart from any autistic traits. Also he grew up with abusive/neglectful parents so is trying to unlearn things he internalised, particularly wrt raising his own son, due to that.) 

 In terms of the type of representation (if you can call it that since he's not canonically confirmed autistic lol) he's a pretty standard white, middle class savant-ish type (although he does get things wrong wrt medicine/diagnosis sometimes, he's definitely not infallible). 

 As for how other characters treat him...I feel like the show walks a fine line here, between condoning and condemning people's bad treatment of him, and condoning and condemning his poor behaviour/rudeness to other people (which, yes, is sometimes stemming from autism but sometimes is just unnecessarily rude). Mostly I think that’s just part of the doc’s character, that he’s really autistic with how he talks to/socialises with people, is very blunt and honest, but also sometimes insults people for the sake of it? And the people get used to him and learn to live with him but sometimes the show can condone their poor treatment of him even if that’s not deserved? Especially with Louisa (who’s his main love interest) and other characters who are close to him. That doesn’t happen too often though? As I say, it’s a fine line and YMMV.

In terms of just the show in general, it can be very tropey at times, which mostly I love tbh, but sometimes they do feel a bit cliché or just don’t really work. Most episodes follow a similar plot of the doc seeing patients in his surgery, interacting with people (and following other villagers’ storylines as well, although usually it ends up linking back to the doc in some way, since he’s the main character) and then there’s usually some kind of medical emergency lol. Also the doc has a blood phobia (which is why he comes to live in the village in the first place, as he can’t be a surgeon any more) which I guess you could read as linked to sensory issues around autism? But it’s definitely something he develops so who knows?

Basically it’s a show which I generally think does a pretty good job of exploring the central character in a nuanced, complex way, while also maintaining the comedy-drama feel of the show. But it does walk a fine line a sometimes, and like I say ymmv (and obviously it would be better if he was actually fucking confirmed autistic, but anywaaaaay...)

Anyway this was probably a much bigger explanation than you expected or wanted, sorry about that. Gave me a chance to infodump lol. Let me know if you do watch it, I’d love to talk about it with you. Absolutely no pressure though! This is just a ramble because I wanted to ramble.

[princessnijireiki]

what’s fucking with me on that too is no cause of death has been released, but knight apparently shared on his facebook that ibs was fucking with his immune system. and like I’ve talked a bit about that kind of stuff wrt my own health issues on here bc ppl don’t realize that you will literally die.

like some of my health improvements from figuring out “oh shit it’s gluten giving me problems” indicate this has been long term but whether it’s cause, effect, or coincidence, my autoimmune issues kicking into high gear + the surgery for my endo biopsy happened around the same time as my bowel issues flared up, which was also a few months after I had a bad case of food poisoning... and I’ve always had a “sensitive stomach” but like in the black community particularly in working class black communities the answer to that is, this person is a picky eater, you give them food that gives them the least problems, and you keep it moving. your first thought is not... surgery. or that bowel and stomach issues means you’re gonna die.

and even with as much as I’ve done/am doing already (and the stuff I’m not doing-- there’s plenty of foods that make me sick that you just say, “well, don’t eat that then” bc what else can you do?), tbh, I really need to get a bowel biopsy done. whenever I get insurance again it’s high on my to-do list, bc I still don’t know if this is a solely fibromyalgia thing (bc autoimmune disease can cause/aggravate food + digestive sensitivities), some kind of gluten sensitivity rather than a pathological gluten intolerance, “regular” ibs, celiac, or crohn’s disease. and what you have to do to protect yourself varies wildly among all those diagnoses wrt what your day to day life has to look like.

and tbh even with mychael knight, it’s like... did he have ulcerative colitis? did he have colorectal cancer? did he develop sepsis from toxic supercolon or like an intestinal perforation? and like most doctors will say you don’t need to get a colonoscopy until you’re 50, and like if he was insured, which he might not have been, would that even have been covered? even though that might have been a factor in saving his life? did he have a colonoscopy & it just wasn’t enough to do anything or see anything conclusive?

or it could have been completely unrelated-- or some other immune system issue or disease-- or a drug or medical complication-- or some comorbidity-- or anything. bc all of this is just speculation at this point... none of the circumstances of knight’s death have been publicly released like that, and obviously none of us is entitled to that information.

but it’s like a jarring thing.

especially with this like set of symptoms that... it’s not considered polite to talk about in public, it’s not something a lot of people know about, it’s not something a lot of doctors will push for or talk about unless they’re specialists, which does patients-- particularly vulnerable patients at risk for these issues-- a real disservice.

and people really have no idea that folks die! they have no idea that they could die. they have no idea how serious all this stuff is unless they live with it, and then you’re just supposed to be quiet & suffer in silence, and take whatever care your doctor(s), if you even have them, will give you-- or just take another antacid, take another pepcid, take another imodium or another laxative (which are already dangerous and can kill you, too) and shut up and keep it moving. they have no clue and neither does anyone even dealing with this shit until you get surgery, a correct diagnosis, and a treatment plan. which a lot of people never think to or never get the opportunity to do on top of the long odds of medical competence nailing a diagnosis on the first try, before you get to the kind of point of urgency that a lot of people wait until they hit before going to get help in the first place.

it’s scary as shit.

[bubonickitten]

My mom's gone as far as to not trust vaccines anymore and thinking my brother's epilepsy can be improved w/ THC oil. i had a panic attack during an exam and my mom told me to smoke weed before exams...... like i can get expelled for showing up high to school, plus it can worsen my panic attacks!

YUP, like… I’m not saying I support Big Pharma 100% – pharmaceutical companies are interested in profit above all else, I have zero trust in corporations in general. 

And I’m also not saying trust the medical or psychiatric systems 100% – both have an ongoing history of ableism, racism, sexism, ethnocentrism, classism, sizeism, etc. etc. etc. Scientific racism and medical/psychiatric abuse have existed throughout history and continue to exist. There are a lot of shitty health providers out there (I’ve encountered more shitty ones than good ones personally). Science and medicine aren’t wholly benevolent or objective – they’re subject to people’s individual biases and historical and cultural factors. 

Plus, formal medical and psychiatric care aren’t the be-all end-all of treatment options. I totally support anyone who doesn’t want to personally undergo a given mode of treatment. Compulsory treatment often does more harm than good. Holistic and spiritual and alternative treatments, or relying primarily on self-care and community support, or whatever works best for an individual person are cool for those who want to go that route. (Though I draw the line at parents not wanting to vaccinate their kids based on fearmongering and misinformation. Herd immunity is important, the idea that vaccines cause autism has been debunked time and time again, and the idea that autism is the worst thing that can possibly happen to a person is awful and ableist. Personal choice regarding one’s own medical care is one thing, but when you’re making medical decisions that can harm another person or people, that’s a different beast.) And a lot of people don’t even have access to formal medical or psychiatric care due to any number of reasons (health insurance, affordability, transportation/distance issues, unsupportive family, trauma, discrimination, fear/distrust of the medical and psychiatric systems, providers within transportation distance not taking new patients or not taking health insurance, etc. etc. etc.). 

BUT that said, I have little patience for people who try to belittle the way I choose to manage my conditions. I don’t enjoy having to take so many medications, and no they don’t cure me or make me completely symptom-free, but they help me manage my symptoms to the point where I can live. I’ve been seeing the same therapist for ten years, and that’s helpful for me, but I’m not gonna tell everyone they need to open up to a therapist. And like… wrt weed – I’m not denying that marijuana is helpful in symptom management for a wide variety of symptoms for many people, but it isn’t the only option and it isn’t a viable option for everyone, for various reasons (legal, medical, financial, etc.). 

Personally, I have a history of paranoia and psychotic symptoms, esp during my extreme mood episodes, and marijuana can make me incredibly paranoid and anxious, so I have to be careful. I get together with my college friends twice a year and during those times I might have a bit of pot brownie or some other edible, but that’s basically the only time I partake, because it’s a safe space for me, and I’ve also gotten pretty decent with judging when I can handle a slight high versus when it’s not a good idea. 

Also, I have asthma, and I constantly have to remind my dad that I can’t smoke weed because it irritates my lungs and risks an asthma attack (I mean, some ppl with asthma can handle it, but personally it exacerbates my symptoms). When I ingest marijuana, it has to be in edible form. And even then I have to be careful for the aforementioned reasons. 

I don’t have anything against marijuana, and I’m in favor of legalization all the way. I just hate this idea that weed should be the solution for every ailment for literally everyone. That goes for any other treatment or self-care choice. There’s no such thing as a treatment or self-care technique that works for everyone all of the time. 

And, a lot of marijuana legalization discussion I hear totally ignores racism when it comes to the war on drugs. I feel like any discussion of marijuana legalization has to center the issue of POC – particularly Black and Latino people – being the targets of the war on drugs and mass incarceration over the past few decades. That’s not to say that there aren’t economic and medical incentives to legalize marijuana and end the war on drugs, and I also think people should be able to use it recreationally without risking legal repercussions that can change their lives forever, but to ignore the legal and discriminatory aspects of marijuana and other drugs is entirely misguided. It’s not right for so many (especially white) people to be benefiting financially from the growing marijuana industry while totally ignoring all the POC who have been and continue to be convicted of felonies (which disenfranchises and allows discrimination against them even after released from prison) for just being in possession of marijuana and other drugs. 

I’m white, and this obviously has been said better time and time again by POC. But my dad isn’t about to read any of the sources I suggest – like, I have a copy of The New Jim Crow and tried to suggest it to him recently and he blew me off. So I try to summarize the issue for him, but whenever I try to broach that aspect of the conversation with him, he totally loses interest and changes the flow of the conversation to the medical benefits of marijuana and how I should just smoke some weed and maybe I wouldn’t have to be on so many meds. 

sorry, I’m rambling. I just get so frustrated with my dad’s idea that his coping mechanisms should be universal and constantly commenting on my treatment choices as if they’re less valid. And I want to bang my head against a wall every time I hear the phrase “it’s from the EARTH” as if that makes it superior to human-made medications, because holy shit, a lot of stuff that grows out of the ground ISN’T good for you, and I hate that “chemicals are SCARY and BAD and GMOs are inherently EVIL and everyone should eat organic or they’re sheep” nonsense. 

[shootingsharp]

removal of the P30 and lasting effects.  

though the abilities that jill gains access to under the influence of the P30 are superhuman, her body is not. she is just as susceptible to both superficial and deep physical wounds as anyone else. the difference, however, is that the bulk of the effects of the P30 are centred around ‘unlocking’ inhumane capabilities if only by breaking down the fail-safes in the body that prevent us from harming ourselves by overreaching. it replaces normal healing with a hugely accelerated and synthetic substitute. cuts that would take days to heal now take seconds. the worst of strains and sprains can take minutes. even breakages can heal within a matter of hours (though this carries its own risks, even under the influence of P30 jill must exit battle and avoid further confrontation to ensure the bone repairs in the right places; fractures are particularly dangerous and can require surgical repair post-trauma).

the major drawback of the P30 is that it must be continually administered. with it’s removal comes a return of control, but also an almost instantaneous loss of the accelerated synthetic healing absolutely necessary to bring jill back to optimal health after the injuries sustained not only from chris and sheva in the fight, but the impact of her own strength and range of movement while operating on a superhuman level. injuries and effects of the removal of the P30 in this manner include;

short term:

various superficial injuries including bruises, scrapes and wounds

multiple intramuscular haematomas, particularly prevalent in elbows, knees and ankles

sternal fracture

pericardial effusion (leading to pericardial tamponade)

long term:

scarring and numbness of chest epidermis

discolouration of veins, most visible close to the six puncture scars on the chest

thoracic aortic aneurysm (ascending)

the last breaths of the P30 were able to slow down the pericardial effusion to the point that the resulting pericardial tamponade was gradual, and didn’t reach gravely dangerous until after jill was able to escape with josh. throughout the helicopter flight after wesker’s death it was clear that she moreso than the others was in need of medical treatment, but it was only as they neared the medical facility funded by the west african branch of the bsaa that she began suffering the symptoms of cardiogenic shock, including severe difficulty breathing and chest pain. this eventually led to cardiac arrest, but chris, josh and sheva were able to get her under the care of doctors quickly enough to get her into life saving surgery.

the medical observation and investigation that followed revealed that jill would need to be put on an extended program of rehabilitation, particularly to ensure the return of full muscle function following the haematomas that developed in her limbs due to the premature removal of the P30 and the lack of rest immediately after removal. it also led to the discovery of mediastinal widening, most likely caused by the same blunt force trauma that fractured her sternum and indicative of the thoracic aneurysm in jill’s ascending aorta. ever since, jill has undergone regular investigation and x-rays to track the rate of growth, and has been removed from active duty.

unfortunately for her, until the aneurysm is removed, she will never be cleared for active duty under the bsaa’s regulations due to the risk of rupture (which is usually followed by almost instantaneous death without immediate surgical assistance). it remains unclear if jill will be cleared for active duty after the aneurysm has reached appropriate size for surgery, but jill continues to maintain her status as a ‘good-risk’ patient in the hopes of being reinstated post-surgery.

disclaimer: i took some liberties with how effective the remnants of the P30 were, especially wrt how gradually the pericardial tamponade developed. with these headcanons in mind, jill by rights should have suffered a cardiac arrest and died in the minutes after sheva and chris’ departure. since she shows up alive and apparently well with josh, because what is medical accuracy when you can say ‘a virus did it’ (looking at you, capcom) i’ve had to tweak it. all four hours of my research started from wikipedia and branched to medical journals and articles once i figured out what terms to look up. if any of this sounds questionable, don’t hesitate to ask, and i can link you what i read of reputable articles and what lead me to these conclusions. i’m no medical expert. if i’ve gotten something wrong, don’t hesitate to tell me! (just, as ever, be respectful about it).

also if you’ve read this far... let me know? if you like it, gimme a wee heart. if you hated it, tell me why. it took me forever to compile all of this and i’d really appreciate some level of validation. ;v;