#partially because I genuinely love to interpret a potential relationship between them as sort of a complicated one or qqp where Tails does

[hadesknockedupintheunderworld]

Okay hear me out hear me out hear me out

Sonic who's litho and Tails who's demi

(Sort of headcanons/thoughts/au musing under the cut)

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Tails coming to terms with his desires regarding his best friend, wishing to hold and to be held, to kiss and to be kiss, to take care of and to be taken care of, to share as many domestic moments as one can, to take a shared adventure for the fun of it, to be intimate in a way only lovers could be, right?

And that's where the subtle horror lies in the slow realization of feelings.

To want to be like someone and to admire them is one thing. To want to be someone's friend is one thing. To want to stick with one person you like is one thing.

But to love and desire someone in that way is another.

Tails has kept watch over Sonic's relationships. He's known him long enough to spot trends in how Sonic acts. The rules, so to speak

Sonic always makes the first move. When others express interest in him (depending on the nature of the interest or how obsessive) he preens at the praise at best, treating this person like a fan, and runs away or his expression betrays his uncomfortableness/disgust at worse. This means Sonic has to be interested in you first.

Whether he even realizes the attraction himself or not, Sonic tends to start a bit strong, but this is because of his usual target (people who are able to match or challenge him in a fight). Even if the other person seems uninterested, he has no problem flirting and teasing a bit during altercations

Sonic's romantic relationships never last longer than a year at best

As one can see, the rules are a bit stacked against him to start (at least, from Tails' pov). He's Sonic's best friend and, while they do fight sometimes, that kind of role is hardly comparable to a rival or an archenemy. Sonic gets a specific look in his eyes when engaged in an interesting battle, banter rolls off his tongue like honey. He never gets like this towards Tails. There's no situation (whether during a shared battle or in his lab or when they're just hanging out together) where Sonic looks at him with that level of interest (at least, from Tails' pov).

Of course, Tails wouldn't want to be Sonic's rival anyways (best friend is the kind of role younger him had always coveted), but it doesn't mean he can't be a little jealous...

And of course Tails knows Sonic cares about him, appreciates him. That's never really been in question either.

It's just, in the end, even if his wildest dreams came true—if he confessed his feelings, Sonic reciprocated, they started dating and it didn't ruin their best frienship—how would it then pan out? In the end, whether Sonic would return his feelings is the least of his worries!

Because Tails has seen what happens.

One of Sonic’s rivals, for example. Before they got together, Sonic enjoyed teasing and flirting with them casually. And at the beginning of their relationship, they would race each other often (perhaps more often than they had before). It was their favorite form of date—to have a "friendly" competition, followed up by sunsets and dinner on the go. Really, they almost couldn't get enough of it. But then...things shifted. Sonic didn't enjoy racing them quite as much anymore. That passionate interest began to palpably fade, and the two began to disagree. Eventually, Sonic’s presence was more of a casual one. Tails could see that he enjoyed going out to eat with his ex and hanging out with them in general, but while that was all fine and good, his ex hadn't lost that passion. So with every poke and prodding and proposition for a race, Tails could see his ex become resentful in that Sonic didn't want to be this way with them as much as they used to. Eventually every "I don't feel like it" from Sonic turned into a fight ("when do you ever feel like it?" his ex would follow up with). In the end, Sonic’s ex is still fixated on him. While they wouldn't admit it, they want Sonic’s attention back. Even without being romantic partners, they still cling to rivalhood, challenging Sonic and showing off whenever they can. But Sonic... He doesn't take it so well. Someone who was once a rival and partner to him is now an annoyance—just another person too obsessed with him. They're still fixated on Sonic, but Tails knows Sonic would be happy if they gave it up. That relationship can never be the same again.

Sonic even had a childhood friend once—his very first relationship like that. Not that they're not friends anymore, but things are different now. There was a time where Sonic traded banter with this person often, those who knew them would remark how they fought like a married couple, and they saw the looks they'd shoot each other when the other wasn't looking. It only seemed natural to onlookers that these two would get together, and yet...it took some time. Sonic would be jealous when others pursued that person, and yet, for a while, whenever they pursued him or it seemed the perfect moment to confess, he'd run. For a long while when anyone (even Tails) would ask why he wasn't dating anyone, he would just answer that he didn't want to be tied down. But he eventually gave in, decided he had no choice but to confess his feelings, and (as everyone knew would happen) these feelings were reciprocated. In fact, a number of people even though the two had been dating for years before that. But...things didn't stay all sunshine and rainbows for long. The relationship ended with a (literal) slap in the face for his best friend. The two's interests and futures had grown apart, and even love couldn't change Sonic's nature. In the end of it, he still wanted to be a free spirit, a magnet for danger, a hero to the masses. Just like with that rival of his, though the relationship was seemingly passionate at first, Sonic couldn't sustain those feelings. Sonic's partner wanted someone for life, wanted him to choose their projected future, wanted to keep him out of such great danger. The fact that Sonic seemed to be losing those kind of feelings and interest he'd had when their relationship began was perhaps one of the final straws. And although Sonic and this ex partner are still friends these days, have mended their friendship, their relationship has never been the same again. Even Tails can see that they're friends, but they no longer share that banter, Sonic no longer concerns himself over that person's love life (he's more supportive than anything), and they don't spend quite so much time around each other anymore.

So this is what it comes down to. Even if Sonic does love him back in that way, even if Sonic wants to be with him too, even if he agrees to enter that kind of relationship with him, what use is there in hoping he (Tails) would be an exception to the rules?

What if things are amazing at first, and then over time Sonic begins to lose interest in him? What if those feelings disappear? What if getting together with Sonic ruins their best friendship because all interest has faded away?

What if Tails confesses only to end up as an ex who is a casual friend at best or an annoyance at worst (because Tails knows getting over Sonic would be near impossible)? Then it would be all his (Tails') fault, wouldn't it?

And that's exactly why he figures it's best to leave things as is. As long as he can stay best friends with him, as long as he can still be by Sonic's side through thick and thin, as long as they can still care for each other and be for each other as they are now, that's enough isn't it? In the end, Tails would choose a future where he's still at Sonic's side over having his feelings requited.

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As for Sonic, it does, admittedly, take a while for him to sort of realize those feelings of his. This is partially due to him being dense, but also because he's grown so used to Tails' presence. He's just used to the fact that Tails is always around, always able to be contacted, that the days are largely similar. It just never really occurred to him for a while that Tails could (or would) leave him for any reason.

But after enough times being separated from him completely, then dealing with enough minor jealousy as Tails expresses possible interest in others, it sort of just hits him one day while the two are hanging out (probably playing video games and eating chili dogs or something, or perhaps even while watching a sunset) that he wants to do this forever. He wants to continue this life where he can pull Tails along on adventures and crash at his place and relax with him and bust badniks with him and everything.

Long ago, back when he'd first met Tails, there was this bit of nagging fear in him. Even as he eventually would come to regard Tails as his best friend, for the longest time there was this nagging fear that Tails' admiration and wish to stick to his side would become...something else, and that Sonic would have to confront it one day, potentially risking their relationship.

It's almost weird now thinking that he truly wouldn't oppose the idea of Tails confessing to him (if Tails does indeed feel the same, but Sonic doesn't know for sure). Perhaps it wouldn't be bad (even if cheesy) to live out a fantasy of the first kiss, where Tails confesses and Sonic tenderly steals it...

But pretty soon a new kind of horror sets in—a new "what if".

Because, you see, though he can still count the number of exes on his fingers, Sonic has never had a relationship like that last more than a year. Things always start out great! All Sonic wants to do is be around this person as much as he can be, and that person shares the sentiment. But then as Sonic finally settles in, tension eventually follows. That person becomes increasingly more frustrated in him, and Sonic himself comes to realize that he no longer wants to spend every waking moment with them. He's busy, he has things he wants to do (sometimes alone), other people he wants to hang out with. He doesn't mean to leave this person in the dust, he's just not quite as interested in them as he used to be. And apparently that's a problem

Sonic has never cheated, not once. Maybe he can be a bit of an ass sometimes, but messing around with other people while he has a partner is not his thing. But...this doesn't matter either. Eventually the accusations come—that he doesn’t love them anymore (not true), that he isn't as interested in them anymore (something he can't really refute once he starts to think about it), that he's probably looking at other people (not true).

So inevitably, Sonic can no longer take the tension and facilitates the breakup, or this person breaks up with him (an event that's never better than bittersweet)

In short, that obsession that attraction that attachment—it all begins to fade eventually, no matter how close he is with that person. He often doesn't want to just break up with them (again, just because those feeling start to fade doesn't mean he doesn't love them or cares about them less), but it's an inevitability. People logically want to be with someone who loves them just as much as they do in the same way that they do, and Sonic just...can't seem to live up to that.

If he and Tails started a romantic and/or sexual relationship, could he even place hope in the fact that Tails would be the exception? He knows in his soul that even if these feelings of his began to change or his interest in this way began to fade, he'd never just stop loving or caring about Tails altogether. Best friend or partner in romance, Sonic knows he'd still want him at his side.

But with his track record, who could guarantee that Tails wouldn't grow resentful of him too as things began to change (compared to the very start of that kind of relationship)? And would he really be able to blame Tails? After all, most people want someone who will be just as interested in them as they are in the same way that they are. If Sonic can't always promise that, then isn't it doomed from the start as it always is?

Not that he's never had thoughts such as these before, but in his last relationships (since those people seemed to be cut from similar cloths as him personality wise) he'd been willing to take the risk in hope things would be different. But he doesn't want to lose Tails—can't. What would be the point of solidifying a relationship like that with Tails if he lost his best friend in the process? At that point, it would be all his (Sonic's) fault, since he knew this would probably happen.

So this is why Sonic decides it's best to leave things as they are. As long as he can still crash at Tails' place, come to him for strategical or technological advice, take him along on adventures, bust badniks with him, play video games with him, be his best friend and have him by his side, isn't that better? Isn't that enough? In the end, Sonic would rather take the future as it comes (deal with the possibility of Tails leaving him one day) and get to have him by his side now than have his feelings requited.

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But I'd like to imagine that, one day, the two can't ignore the whatever it is going on between them. The moment is scary, and admitting those feelings doesn't bring as much relief to either of them as it should. They're both apprehensive about starting that kind of relationship for their own reasons. Should they really "get together" simply because the feelings are mutual?

And so starts this weird gray period of the nature of their relationship. They're still best friends for sure, but neither has decided they want to be in a declared state of "dating". If anything, at first it seems like the two have gone right back to trying to exist like normal (business as usual), hang out like they always do, treat each other like they always did before. The only difference in this case is that the feelings are requited now.

But things begin to shift and change during this gray period no matter how hard they try. The two end up sharing their first kisses, every interaction carries a bit of a different weight than before. If it's even possible, more than before people mistake them for a couple, especially their friends (who can't really understand why they're not, even if they try to be supportive for the most part).

And yet, while feelings, their actions, etc seem to make everything undeniable (as if they're dating all but officially in name), Sonic can feel it come on. He can see the signs, recognize that those once undeniable feelings of attraction (romantic or otherwise) is beginning to fade away, meaning that it's only a matter of time.

Meaning that the last thing they should do is "get together" now, because Sonic can't promise Tails those feelings that were so strong before.

And Tails realizes it too. It actually scares him a bit at first, already seeing the signs. He can't help but fear that it's inevitable—that Sonic will lose all interest in him and grow apart from him. It makes him feel like an idiot. Even if back then there was no way to keep those feelings between them wrapped up and hidden, he feels like an idiot for confessing at all—like he should have found some other path. This whole thing, it makes him want to cling to Sonic even more, though he fears making this all worse by being too clingy...

But, fear aside, things do turn out okay.

I'd like to think that one day they wake up in Tails bed together, Sonic brushes Tails' bangs aside, gazing at the fox's expression before he opens his eyes, and feels that though his feelings have undeniably changed, it's just that. Though those kinds of feelings began to fade away, his love did not. More than ever, even though he doesn't love Tails in the same way he did a while ago, or even before he came to feel for him romantically, he cares for him so so deeply. He still wants Tails to be with him going forward.

And yes Tails sees it—the way Sonic has grown more casual, doesn't seek out kisses as much, isn't quite as clingy as he used to be—but his fear begins to let up as well. While he will perhaps keep that nagging fear of Sonic leaving him forever, even Tails comes to see that Sonic has no intention of breaking their friendship. Where Tails once was afraid they'd naturally grow apart and bitter as Sonic's feelings faded and Tails would be clingy by comparison, he sees that Sonic's feelings haven't really faded—not truly. They've only just changed.

Things are undeniably different from before, but Sonic seems to want to be with him still. He still wants him by his side as much as he can have him. Though he's more casual in his expression of feelings, Sonic is still interested in what Tails has to say, he still enjoys making him happy. In fact, somehow, Tails almost suspects Sonic has begun to love him more than before despite the shift in their relationship and in Sonic's feelings.

They were both so afraid things would naturally end in failure, but they cared for each other, and they accepted each other as they were.

Maybe the two decide to officially become partners one day ("partners" in a way that elevates their existing partnership to a status which coveys that they want to live out their lives at each other side, no other types of feelings or actions or life choices inherently implied), perhaps because Sonic (despite not having those large feelings of romance anymore) still doesn't want Tails to choose anyone else but him

And maybe the two don't! Even if they don't label themselves as dating or in any type of partnership society and others recognize as "inherently stronger" than best friendship, they're still best friends and partners. They're still going to spend their lives together, happily doing the things they always do as long as the universe allows it. No matter who comes and goes into their lives, their bond is a constant presence.

In the end, it no longer matters whether Tails has romantic/sexual feelings and Sonic doesn’t, or whether they give themselves conventional labels or not, or whether other people can grasp their chosen relationship or not, or whether it's a "glorified best friendship", or anything else. All that matters is that despite the nature of any feelings involved, they choose to be together.

[eeriehowl]

eredin for the character ask thingy of course! but also maybe auberon? 👀 up to you

thank you so much elis!! i really appreciate it.💛

eredin

sexuality headcanon: gay. i actually tend to block ppl if they ship him with women no matter who he is shipped with because this is my strongest sexuality headcanon in witcher...it's obviously not anything inherently problematic, just makes me personally very uncomfortable, so i curate my experience. gender headcanon: he's definitely masculine and enjoys it, that's all i can say. a ship I have with said character: avallac'h. i'm usually not much of a multishipper, so...that's it. a brotp I have with said character: imlerith! he actually has the opposite effect of ava on eredin though...when ava is around, his impulse control is better, while imlerith makes it worse. they are besties though. a notp I have with said character: ciri. over all else is that i think it's creepy but i can also easily add further to that. i'm sure there is no attraction from either side, ciri has an aversion to anything actually happening between them if her anxiety is anything to go by. i find it strange that people think her attraction to him was genuine. however, this is about eredin, so i will go more into how he acts and feels towards her instead. eredin isn't even slightly attracted to her. the only line that could even slightly indicate that is an offhanded comment... he notes that some prefer being roughly caressed and that he would not personally do something of the sort non-consensually ("only if you permit me"). this p much potentially points out his own general view on sex and i do not think at all that he was actually flirting. he changes the subject without any further ado because he doesn't care for continuing that topic...it was, as said, an off-hand comment. ciri very much specifies that he showed no interest in her or doing anything with her; he stares at her with cold eyes and only thinks about his own shenanigans and straight out specifies how little he thinks of her *twice*...he straight-up says that he doesn't think that she is special in any way, seemingly not even believing that she has any powers at all from the way he talks. explains that he thinks ava & auberon are wrong about her. in conclusion, why people think ciri & eredin would want anything to do with one another is beyond me. a random headcanon: eredin had a decent relationship with his mother before he left her to be independent. he never met his father but that doesn't matter to him and didn't affect him. eredin got his brutal honesty from his mother, she was like that too. she was not toxic in any way though. in the end, he ended up seeing value in the things she had taught him, but did not choose to take her name because it did not seem vital to him that he'd have his origins be clear in his name. she had already given him his own name and he would carry that with him as a reminder instead. eredin wasn't born into a higher up family, pretty much got his recognition by just being an extremely talented swordsman. it was a passion of his. he's got the personality of a natural leader and earned the respect of many despite his sharp tongue...though he was partially feared too and would grow to be revered and feared more and more over time. wasn't much of a surprise when he ended up becoming a general. general opinion over said character: i love him. i didn't give a shit about him in witcher 3 after seeing his face because i thought elves were boring back then...i wanted him to be a monster...and here i am now. he is a type of monster, but very different from what i initially wanted him to be. eredin in the books has lots of layers and can be interpreted in several different ways. he's also very clearly intelligent to a certain degree. game eredin is just all about loving violence and dominance with little to nothing else.

auberon

sexuality headcanon: he's tried everything. gender headcanon: i think auberon is too old to care about his gender. a ship I have with said character: with shiadhal. lara looked at them and hoped she would find something like what they had. she did not truly find it until she got to know cregennan. shiadhal died young, at least for an elf. many depict her as a warrior and i like that idea. a brotp I have with said character: never had many close friends, and many individuals he did consider friends are gone. i imagine he was sort-of friends with avallac'h's mentor. a notp I have with said character: i guess i could say with eredin, because i've seen some of that and it's not for me. doesn't induce disgust in me like ciri with aen elle does so i don't mind running into it much but i don't enjoy it. a random headcanon: his relationship with avallac'h isn't exactly friendly, it's very professional. auberon calls ava "crevan", mainly to express his authority and only partially because that used to be his potential "son-in-law" (or whatever the elven equivalent of that is, at least). general opinion over said character: i have very mixed feelings about him, though i think it leans more towards dislike. he makes me uncomfortable in many ways, which makes it ironic that his gwent card's 3rd stage is my favorite card in gwent....

[the-evisceration-station]

What do you think book!addy’s feelings are towards beth? Even tho addy is the protagonist I still find her very hard to read. Which makes her interesting I guess Bc she’s very mysterious. I love and hate that a lot of the story is subtext haha

That’s a very interesting question and I’m sure everybody probably has a different answer for it, as Addy is such an ambiguous character and intentionally so, because she lies to readers as well as herself. Particularly book!Addy, who I do not believe is quite identical to TV!Addy, even if I do think the most important beats of her character remain the same. I’m going to answer this under the cut both because of potential spoilers and because this is probably going to get long.

In this essay, I will…

Well, I think much of the way Addy describes Beth is some of the way Addy genuinely sees her, rather than an entire farce. Beth being something almost goddess like, someone who knows all and always has some kind of agenda. I don’t think Addy’s actually lying to us when she describes viewing Beth in those ways, I think there is a major part of her that does see Beth as some kind of nearly divine entity.

I think she feels this way partially because Beth is something of a spooky kid, she’s violently protective of Addy to the point where “protective” crosses over into “possessive” territory. I also think Beth projects a powerful persona on purpose. Beth very carefully guards her vulnerabilities and she is, after all, Top Girl, the thing that Addy secretly wants to be. And that’s where I think Addy kind of confuses Beth with what Beth has, and what she thinks it means to have that. She thinks Beth is more powerful than she actually is, because Beth has the thing Addy wants and she believes she’d be more powerful herself, if she had it.

However, do I think Addy sometimes exaggerates about how powerful she sees Beth as?

Absolutely. Because Addy also reveals she knows Beth has vulnerabilities. She knows that laughing is Beth’s way of crying. She is fully aware of how detrimental and unhappy Beth’s home life is, another vulnerability. When she wants Beth to give her one more day before going to the cops, and asks her for it, she pleads, “for me,” because Addy knows that she, herself, is one of Beth’s weaknesses. So if Addy knows where the chinks in the armor are, chances are she doesn’t always see Beth as infallible as she acts like she does.

The fact that Addy knows she can get Beth to do what she wants with a “for me,” also implies that she’s aware that she’s the one who actually has more control in the relationship, which diminishes how godlike she constantly describes Beth as.

Look, I have seen some takes that describe the Addy/Beth relationship as “Addy has All The Power behind the scenes and Beth is just her pawn,” as well as “Beth has All The Power outright until Addy stands up for herself” and personally I don’t agree with either. I understand why people would come away with such interpretations, but I personally don’t think it’s either. I think Beth and Addy both have power in that relationship, and that there is push and pull between them. I actually feel that to insist one has all and one has none is to cheapen the complexity between them, the depths of the layers of this twisted relationship they’ve woven together like a tapestry.

However, I DO believe Addy has the lion’s share of the power. Not that Beth has none. I certainly think she has some, and she’s too aware of what Addy is like under the surface to ever be described as her pawn. But that I do feel that Addy has MOST of the power. Because Beth has more exploitable vulnerabilities in places Addy doesn’t. Because Beth will do anything for Addy, and Addy knows it, and Addy knows she can use it when she has to. Because when Beth goes too far, Addy can assert her quiet control and reel her back in line. Some of the other girls notice this much. They point it out more frequently in the show, but it’s book!Tacy who point-blank tells Addy that she’s more afraid of Addy than she is of Beth.

Hence, given that Addy has the lion’s share of the power, I think she has a tenancy to exaggerate how all-powerful she sees Beth as, because if she has to, she can control Beth’s power by proxy. Beth’s power isn’t an inevitability for her. Quite often, it’s even her asset.

What I do think almost feels like an inevitability for her, is her and Beth’s relationship. I actually think Addy has more internal conflict about this than she lets on. She is an unreliable narrator. She doesn’t tell us everything. What she does tell us, is what she wants us to know, and it’s dyed by how she wants us to see it. But I think it’s very interesting that after the fight at cheer camp, and the other girls think they’ll never be friends again, Addy’s just…of the mindset that well, of course they would. Because coming back together, being together is just what they are. Like it’s some force of nature, not a conscious choice. Like it is what it is, the same way gravity exists because it exists and when something is dropped, you can count on it to fall to the ground. Because gravity exists and things do not simply float away, it is not good, it is not bad, it is not fair nor unfair, it just fucking is. And Addy dismisses the other girls’ thoughts, because she thinks they could never understand. Well, I don’t think Addy really understands it either!

I think at this point in the book, Addy truly felt like what she and Beth had was an inevitability of a sort. I don’t think she wanted it to be. I think she genuinely wanted to move away from Beth already, but on this point, I don’t think she was lying to us. Relationships are complicated, codependent relationships specifically can feel very contradictory and confusing. And I think she failed to elaborate more on it, specifically because such feelings were confusing and contradictory, and she didn’t want to think about it any more than she had to. She didn’t want to look at it. There are many things Addy doesn’t like to look at.

Major YMMV on this one because it’s left incredibly ambiguous, but I personally do believe there was a point in time when Addy was in love with Beth. Addy is the one who kissed Beth. Addy is the one who initiated their borderline (or even, some people think it went that far, I personally don’t) sexual encounter.

“I started it, but I don’t even remember why or how,” is her input on her motivation. But when is Addy ever honest about her motives? Almost never, not even to herself.

Also, the hamsa bracelet. The story behind the little charm is that it’s the Hand of Fatima. Fatima was stirring a pot when her husband came home with a new wife, let the ladel slip from her fingers, stirred with her own hand, and didn’t even notice the pain because of how brokenhearted she was. Or, at least, that’s the version of the story presented in the book. The one I know of IRL is different, but for the purpose of discussing Dare Me book canon, I am using the symbolism of the version of the Hand of Fatima lore presented to us in the book.

Beth is Fatima in this story. Addy is the husband. The new wife is Colette. Fatima was the first wife. The husband married his first wife, chances are, he loved her at some point.

I think three things play into Addy no longer being in love with Beth.

1) Beth’s possessive behavior began to feel suffocating and drive Addy away.

2) Addy prioritizes ambition over love and accomplishing her goals wins out over any romance, at the end of the day.

3) Addy represses her sexuality and probably even holds some (unfair) resentment toward Beth for feeling attracted to Beth.

My gray faced friendo, I am going to repeat that: this is all just my take. I think in a subtext loaded book like Dare Me, people are bound to come away with over a hundred different interpretations. I am not the authority on Dare Me. That’s Megan Abbott. I’m not here to crap on anyone else’s interpretation if they feel different.

All of this is what I personally took away from the book and since you asked, that’s what I’m describing. I’ve been giving my own personal take throughout the entirety of this answer, of course, but what I’m going to describe going forward is a lot of me reading in between the lines with my magnifying glass, and may seem less coherent than the above. Okay, here we go.

Point #1: I feel like Beth’s possessive behavior began to drive Addy away, because it’s a lot to deal with. Beth gets dog leashes for all the girls on the squad at one point, but goes as far as to have Addy’s name embroidered on hers. Addy goes to another girl’s birthday party and when she gets home, low and behold, Beth is waiting at her house. RiRi outright refers to Addy as “Beth’s girl,” as if Addy belongs to Beth.

I think Addy even begins to feel like she does belong to Beth, in some ways, and becomes comfortable feeling that way. But eventually, she doesn’t want to feel that way anymore. Their relationship is extremely codependent, okay. I think in both the book and the show, it’s more obvious from Beth’s side, because we’ve reached the point in that relationship where Addy is beginning to pull away. Beth reflexively seems to cling on even tighter, because she feels it happening. But it’s absolutely codependent from Addy’s side too.

Throughout the book, there are many moments (I’m not going to comb for all of them, sorry dude, it’s almost 300 pages) where Addy behaves like she and Beth are an entity unto their own. Even as she’s moving away from her as she develops her bond with Colette, there are instances where Addy will describe sensing things inside Beth. There is even a moment where Addy thinks Beth is touching her ear (the ear Addy scarred, mind you) only to discover, no, she’s touching her own ear!

Plus, Addy feels like she needs others to verbalize her thoughts/feelings for her and for a long time, this person is Beth. Implying that not only does Addy rely on Beth to do such a thing for her, but she believes that Beth can know her thoughts accurately enough to do so.

Point #2: I think ambition outranks love for Addy, because her goals are her endgame. Addy is patient, Addy is deceptive. Addy likes the way power feels and I think it’s one of the reasons she gets so high on her relationship with Colette (even if it is an inappropriate and eventually damaging one). Colette makes Addy feel powerful, probably more powerful than she actually is. I’m going to repeat myself a bit here and even copy/paste some of my thoughts about this from a reply I left to a comment on Ao3 (that poor person, I went into a full on Addy rant) because I feel like what I said previously is relevant here.

*deep breath* When we begin the book/series, I personally believe like on some level, Addy does still have feelings for Beth. However, I do NOT think those feelings are as strong as they once were, and I don’t think they are feelings Addy wants to have. I think the remaining feelings Addy does have for Beth are mostly there because they’ve been in a codependent relationship for so long, one that consumes her identity, and in a relationship like that, even if you don’t want those feelings anymore, they’re difficult to move away from. Because at some point, you don’t really know who you are not just without that person, but without those feelings, even if you want to, even if wanting to is part of the reason you want to get rid of those feelings. Codependency is a strange animal, my friend.

Although Addy’s relationship with Colette was never mutually romantic nor canonically sexual, I do believe there was a part of Addy that was ‘killing’ her remaining feelings for Beth through that relationship. “Love is a kind of killing,” is one of the oft repeated lines of the book, and I’d even say it’s one of the themes. It is Beth who says it, and we see that she feels it too, her love for Addy is killing her. She nearly kills herself out of it (though I’d say other things impacted Beth enough to put her in such a state that suicide felt worth it, even if her feelings for Addy were the primary motive, again YMMV).

The Matt/Colette/Will dynamic is another example of love becoming a kind of killing. Matt kills Will for Colette. If we believe what she tells Addy, then he acted on his own in doing so and it was an accident. If we don’t believe her, she might’ve even been the little worm in Matt’s ear who told him to do it. Either way, he killed for love. None of the audience really cares for their hetero nonsense, because Matt is sexist and both Colette and Will are predatory people, but nonetheless, their debacle largely impacts the story. And it supports the idea that “love is a kind of killing.”

I believe love as a kind of killing is something Addy weaponizes for her own development. To her own detriment as well, because it ends up taking her to dangerous places.  Even so, I think Addy had/has some lingering feelings for Beth she uses forming a bond with Colette to metaphorically ‘kill’ inside herself. Like finishing off an already mortally wounded animal, if you will. This would also support “love is a kind of killing” as a recurring theme.

Addy’s relationship with Colette gave her a crutch and a new outlet, and Colette’s encouragement (while the audience knows its manipulation) also gave Addy affirmation for the way she was already feeling about Beth— that she wanted to distance herself from her and come into her own. In addition, Colette seemed to be ‘safer’ because Addy doesn’t have to compete with Colette.

The presence of specifically female socialization is very palatable in the book. The way the girls slut-shame each other. The way other people see them, the feminine appeal of cheerleading. Others take the glitz and the glam of it at face value without understanding the more masculinely-coded things that go into it, like dedication and athleticism. Colette is a villain, no doubt, but you have to give the devil her due, and her circumstances are as miserable and empty as they are because she finds herself boxed into traditional feminine roles she isn’t suited for. Although the show is not the book, and I will maintain that I don’t feel they are identical entities, I do think Willa had a lot of interesting input on this in her Build interview, alongside Taveeta and Abbott. Check it out if you have the time—

Wait, where was I?

Right, right, female socialization in Dare Me. Okay, continuing on.

I feel that female socialization also plays an important role in the relationships between the characters, namely the Beth/Addy/Colette dynamic. We live in a culture where women are socialized to tear each other down and compete with each other even outside of the athletic arena. Combine that with the athletic, cutthroat world of cheerleading and you’ve got yourself a powder keg of an environment where those competitive feelings are going to come out full force. Addy, wanting what she wants, is inevitably going to have to view Beth as a rival, romantic feelings or otherwise aside.  

Colette feels like a ‘safer’ object of attraction because her cheerleading days are over.

Colette does not pose a threat to Addy’s thirst for power, she can only help her achieve it. I definitely think the lack of Colette posing a threat to Addy’s goals plays into how comfortable she feels with her. I also think, to a teenager with dreams of grandeur already feeling suffocated in a relationship with her peer, this is where the age gap appeals to Addy even as it disturbs us readers.

Again, Addy doesn’t have to compete with Colette, because Colette has aged out of ‘cheerleader’ and into ‘coach.’ Colette is a seemingly self-sufficient adult (initially) who doesn’t spin out the way Beth does, and depend on Addy as heavily as Beth does. Colette represents the agency Addy covets, and feels nearer to when with her.

I mean, we all know things change once a dead body is brought into that dynamic and we all know that Colette is emotionally manipulating Addy for her own purposes. But I’m not talking about Colette’s perspective, I’m talking about Addy’s before all the crime scene hullabaloo. What happens after the night with Will changes things, but up until that point, I think this is much of what Addy got out of her bond with Colette, no matter how inappropriate a bond it was. No matter how much it shouldn’t have been happening.

I will say, I don’t believe Addy ever fully realizes the extent to which Colette was manipulating her, although it’s clear as the book goes on, she realizes some of it. She picks up on things that don’t add up, acknowledges some red flags she initially ignored, and refers to her as a liar at one point.

Wait JJ, why are you talking about Addy and Colette? The question was about Addy and Beth!

Yes, but I think you cannot always separate the two. Because I think many of the developments that occur in the book between Addy and Beth, and the way in which they occur, play out as they do because of Colette’s entry into the story. Abbott said herself that Dare Me is a love triangle. A triangle is connected by all three sides, okay, continuing on…

I think there are things Addy deliberately sought out in her relationship with Colette— I will repeat this because again, I personally view this as part of the theme and part of the answer to your question— including ‘killing’ what remained of her feelings for Beth. I think it’s also very clear that she thinks Colette is the key to getting what she wants and accomplishing her own goals.

But I would go the extra mile and say she projects some of her feelings for Beth onto Colette. I’ve brought this up before, but I will elaborate more about that now.

I think Addy is earnestly attracted to Colette, just as Colette. Yes, even book!Addy. It’s more subtle in the book, but contrast the way she describes Jordy to the way she describes Colette. Her fascination with the way Colette looks when Will is fucking her. It speaks of attraction and that’s perfectly fine. It’s normal when teens have crushes on adults, what isn’t normal is when adults indulge those crushes. When adults pick up on the cues Colette does, and choose to fan the flames instead of snuffing them out. That’s the part that’s fucking scary.

But I also think she projects her feelings for Beth onto Colette and I think that helps explain why Addy latched onto Colette so quickly. When Addy messes around with Jordy, she does it because Colette points him out. And when she tells Colette about it later and Colette doesn’t even seem to remember him, Addy is taken aback, almost offended… and yet, just a couple of pages later, she’s disparaging the girls who do similar things for Beth.

“…hitching jeans low and flashing thongs at security guards. Beth likes to make these girls run.”

Colette and Beth also share some notable similarities. Both can be cold, cutthroat, have calculating thought processes. Colette even looks like Beth in the book. Addy also sort of tries to recreate a ‘better’ version of the bond she had with Beth, with Colette and this is where I stop and I’m like, man, what a weird freakin’ kid. Addy, smh. But you see it, right?

Addy flips for her coach like she flips for her captain. Ties the same bracelet Beth once tied on her wrist onto Colette’s wrist. Does the thing with Jordy very comparable to the things other girls do when they’re trying to impress Beth. Uses Colette specifically when she wants to become her own person, but can’t quite do so yet, because she’s so used to her lifelong codependence with Beth.

And you know how earlier I mentioned that Addy can control Beth when she has to? How the control Addy has over Beth is a quiet, deceptive thing?

Well I think that’s something that Addy projects onto Colette too. Addy is so used to being able to assert that quiet control and maintain the relational power (which is not the same kind of power Addy is seeking endgame) with Beth, that when she begins using Colette as Beth’s substitute, she doesn’t realize she doesn’t have it anymore. I think that’s one of the things that gets her into hot water later, because she absently assumes she’s going to be ‘safe’ with Colette the way she is with Beth, have that ability that she does with Beth to reel things back before they go too far…but she doesn’t.

Addy uses Colette as Beth substitute. But Colette is not Beth. Beth is spooky. Addy is scary. Colette is terrifying. Addy can’t take control of Colette the way she can of Beth. Colette is an adept master manipulator, an adult who has years of experience that Addy lacks. Colette is better at her game than Addy is at hers, and Addy gets in deep shit partly because she doesn’t recognize that.

I would actually compare the Colette/Addy situation a bit to the Kurtz/Beth situation in the show. There are things Beth wants out of Kurtz, she talks to him because she plans to use him, and it inevitably has devastating consequences for her. Kurtz is a predator. And he’s better at his game than Beth is at hers.

The situations are not identical. The consequences are not the same. But both are exemplary of teens being naive fools and thinking they have some control in situations they definitely do not, with people they couldn’t hope to.

Addy gets what she thinks she wants in the end. I’ve addressed why I think this isn’t as cracked up to be as she thinks it is in another post, but that’s not really relevant here. Addy chooses to pursue having her own power above all, and it’s Beth who winds up giving it to her, not Colette. But I think Addy needed to eliminate her feelings for Beth to actually get there, or even if she didn’t actually, it’s what she felt she had to do and most of those feelings were deteriorating already because of Beth’s possessive behavior.

Point #3: I personally believe Addy represses her sexuality. And I do think that plays into how she views Beth, both when she had feelings for her, and when those feelings began to die. I feel Addy harbors some subconscious resentment toward Beth along the lines of a “I don’t want to be like this, but you make me feel this way, and I hold it against you” type deal. However, again, I think that’s a subconscious feeling rather than something Addy is cognitively aware of, and actually, I don’t think it’s separate from how she’s fed up of Beth suffocating her. I believe it only feeds into that feeling and makes it stronger, enhancing her frustration.

Addy is often very cruel when she describes Beth. I think there’s a bit more to it than the inevitability of viewing Beth as a rival outside her control and somewhat within it, the possessive behavior Beth suffocates her with.

I think forgetting that she and Beth had a borderline sexual encounter was repression on her part. I also think this line;

“…and who need to talk of such wonders? We nestle them away, deep in the fury at the center of us, where things can be held tightly, protected, and secretly cherished as a special notion we once held, and then had to stow away,”

wasn’t just about Beth. I think it was about Beth and just like, pursuing girls in general. At least openly. I’d go out on a limb and say another one of the things that drew Addy to Colette was because Colette was a ‘safer’ objection of attraction in the sense that the likelihood of something happening between them was very low. Fantasize safely from the closet, kinda deal. But maybe Addy’s less aware of her sexuality, or at least confronting it than I’m giving her credit for. I mean, she looked up RiRi’s skirt and was all like, “why are other girl’s panties more interesting than your own?”

Addy. Addy, baby. Why do you think.

Oh, and I think Addy kissed RiRi without telling us! At the marines’ party, Addy and RiRi are hanging and then this scene happens.

“She’s fumbling with her phone, trying to send a text. Because it’s all okay because these are Will’s men and nothing bad could ever happen, one of them is pressing our heads together, wanting us to kiss.

“Always ready,” he says. “Always there.””

Then RiRi hugs Addy and starts in about how she couldn’t be close to Addy before, because of Beth. But that’s the thing. It just has that creepy ass adult man trying to make these teen girls kiss, then goes into some dialogue, Addy never actually explains what happens in that moment. If the guy made them kiss or if he let go of them. If either of them protested or just went along with it.

I personally believe they did kiss and I believe Addy doesn’t mention it for two reasons.

1) She’s trying to convince herself and us readers that Will is safe to be around, ergo his men must be too. But some grown ass dude physically trying to force teen girls to kiss each other is obviously a fucking creeper. Will is also a fucking creeper.

2) She enjoyed kissing RiRi and doesn’t care to elaborate on what enjoying that was like, because doing so would mean confronting her sexuality. Her sexuality being one of the many things Addy doesn’t really confront.

Wow, that was a long ass essay. In this essay, I done did. So that is my interpretation of Addy’s feelings for Beth. Feel free to take ‘em or leave ‘em, maybe we don’t feel the same way and that’s totally cool. But you asked, so I answered. That is what I feel is going on with all that mess there.

This essay probably has a shit ton of typos and for that I apologize, but I can’t comb through all this now. This long as hell and I’m hungry, I need to go eat. 

[unproduciblesmackdown]

i'm here for your Jare and Lana Thoughts

hmm i’m not good at like, coming up with concrete ideas/hcs, or at recalling anything, but yeah they should get to be friends

i mean we don’t know that alana has Any friends, and really even pre-act 2, evan is not an amazing friend to jared, and even if things were better re: that relationship, it’s not really ideal to for jared to have one single friend anyways.......and, again, evan’s not exactly the perfect friend and like, even though i think anyone taking any real note of the material realizes that jared and evan’s relationship being not very close or great at this juncture is a two-way street, it’s easily arguable that evan’s a worse friend to jared in canon than jared is to him. so like, if jared’s gonna have One Friend lol tbh it would be great if he and alana could become friends and like, have someone to hang out with and just have a chill time being Not Alone for once and not having to feel like they have to be maintaining this perfect performance at all times or be dropped

really like it’s a great concept to just imagine them getting to spend time together doing totally unremarkable average Hanging Out stuff.......do homework together sometimes instead of alone in their respective bedrooms, spend time together on the weekend and play video games / watch a movie, just do some chill shit that gives them the chance to have conversations and share interests and personal info and just like, get used to feeling more relaxed in this person’s presence and like this is a real friendship......maybe they spend time together in canon doing tcp stuff ever but we were never shown it, and that’s a bit of a transition from being mostly strangers (distant acquaintances) to being Sort Of friends / at least being more familiar with each other......and maybe they can become closer After the tcp heyday, like, presumably in the timeskip-and-beyond part of things.....like, yeah there's the issue of everything that happened re: tcp and how jared knows more about the inside story while maybe alana just suspects, and natch i don't think jared would be willing to share that Inside Story if only because we all know that he and evan are mutually protecting each other forever, but also i don't think that like, thoroughly discussing the tcp stuff is absolutely crucial to jared and alana getting to be friends. for one thing, they probably can't have gotten That close during tcp, since by act 2 jared is apparently not super involved, and for another thing i think by the finale times both alana and jared might Both just be wanting to pretty much like, move on from all the tcp stuff.

also like, really i don't remember if jared's Extracurriculars like model u.n. was from pre-bway content and/or if it was from "cherrypicking anything worthwhile from the novel" content lol, but also stuff like being a camp counselor can't be completely effortless, and as someone who isn't too close to his parents and for whomst, at least at one point, theoretically, his car insurance being paid was tied to him doing stuff his mom wants him to do e.g. Be Nice To Evan, i get the idea that maybe jared does some academic / extracurricular stuff at least partially with the motivation of staying in the good graces of his parents and other adults / being Approved of via those routes of like, performing well at various Set Tasks like "get good grades" "be in model u.n." "be nice to evan, theoretically, according to jared himself" and etc........anyways this is a really roundabout way to get to "alana might be engaged in like, structured / approved Tasks as a means to being supported, not in the exact same way as jared is but with enough of a parallel that he Understands it".....like, i think yeah we can deduce that alana is kind of Studious or at least cares about her academic performance, but people like, forget that she's Not just doing everything for her college applications, and that most of what the focus is on is alana doing Extracurricular stuff that's more involved with / focused on Local Community than just like, school......she's talking about what she did over the summer, which is sure inherently Not stuff for school, and tcp is only partly about the school, and isn't Academic.......alana probably sees Community Involvement as a means to support / connection / positive attention, which is a bit different from jared who like, yeah might be kinda on that wavelength in Disappear thru Ywbf, but also it might be mostly "oh i can be in this group with evan and alana"......jared mostly seems to regard Attention From Anyone Else as something potentially negative, even though of course he doesn't want to Not get any attention, so on the one hand he's trying to get ahead of that Potential Negative Attention by trying to establish his own Role as [i'm the jokes boy] and be able to Deflect attention away from himself, or at least from whatever aspects of himself he doesn't want to have anyone focus on / question, and he seems to have an even more Defensive approach re: adults (i.e. "literally nothing i tell my parents is true") and it's easy to imagine that he sees it as like, as long as he Does This Checklist of Tasks He's Supposed To Do, e.g. "get decent grades" / "do some extracurriculars (i'm just remembering model u.n. was from Prior Versions Of The Show b/c it was related to that perjury thing and being the ambassador of luxembourg)" / etc and Adults Will Leave Him Alone Entirely Maybe........alana of course doesn't really wanna be left alone, but also she's more focused on her Peers than adults as well, ppl mischaracterizing her as like, only caring about grades & Rules & generally being a killjoy.........but natch if she Is trying to get good grades and Is involving herself in a lot of projects academic or extracurricular or unaffiliated with school at all, and there's gonna be more Work involved in that, and probably hanging out with her will involve doing work Parallel to each other, or at least, alana doing work while you do whatever.......and i think jared would Get that and wouldn't be like, "why are you boring" lol......out here down to bond with evan over basically a writing project......having Computer Skills which he presumably honed / hones on his own time.........this is a mess but im basically getting to "jared wouldn't think alana is boring or anything and would understand pursuing Something through the routes of Projects and Commitments and Approved Activities" look i'm phrasing everything terribly but if i don't just get shit down i'll never answer this ask

meanwhile i think alana would think jared is funny, which is nice b/c despite jared trying to be Humorous evan doesn't act very interested or like he's like "jared you're hilarious and i love that about you" lmao like. obviously people interpret jared's Attitude as like omg so uncaring he has no feelings he also has no problems b/c he Takes Nothing Seriously (which obviously. Humor / demeanor doesn't necessarily reflect taking whatever "seriously" or not.) and maybe evan's misinterpreting it too, but even if he Knows better re: how jared really feels about things, he's not exactly trying to engage with him about it any other way, so.......anyways alana thought connor's terrible joke from probably a while back is funny so. she'd probably Genuinely be like "haha good one jared" and jared would get to be like :o :o :o whoa i made a joke and someone reacted......natch jared's also just trying to like, Provoke evan into paying attention to him sometimes with his Humour / being able to comment on Real Shit without giving away his Real Feelings but like, probably not the ideal form of communication, and jared's out here @ connor like "it was a joke" so he'd probably be fine if any other students like, reacted to his jokes as jokes.........and alana could. also she might Joke sometimes in return lol

there Is that bit of an issue where yeah alana having a tendency to just Take The Lead on things where jared has a tendency to just like, back off if he isn't expressly given space in the first place or if he's pushed back, and this isn't Ideal obviously but like, he and alana don't have to interact via Working On Projects Together alone, especially not tcp, and it'd be an inherently different dynamic if they were interacting solely due to being Friends / wanting to hang out for no especial reason vs interacting to work on something together........and i don't think alana would Want a friendship to be the same as "someone she works on a project with" like, as far as we know in canon, alana only has Acquaintances and jared ends up losing his one friend, so i think if alana and jared become closer later on / start this new Actual Friendship between themselves, alana wouldn't want it to feel the same as like, being involved in tcp together (and neither would jared), and i also don't think jared would necessarily want it to feel like his friendship with evan, which natch wasn't going great, particularly not in those final months l o l .......even though both of them being Friendless would probably make them somewhat eager to make One Friend, they both got burned by their attempts to Get Closer To People (or A Person in jared's case lol) ("everyone needed it for something" like okayyy if you say so, guess we Are just forgetting about alana and jared's existence), and they might not exactly be raring to go about [Obtaining Friendship] the same way again. and since they both had a pretty Transactional approach to getting positive attention (i.e. jared helping evan out and doing shit for him, alana doing the same and presumably doing the bulk of the tcp work when evan ingeniously held jared at arm's length instead of having him more involved but then kind of peaced out of the project himself) it'd probably be nice for alana to have someone who seems to like being around her without it being due to any of the work she does / has done, whereas jared probably doesn't wanna be The Guy Who Helps Out and is only talked to for that purpose..............and them both having a friend who they Didn't make / keep via their respective wtaw-type approaches to things is probably gonna be encouraging re: the fact that yknow, they don't have to put on that certain Performance of what they think people might want from them / people might find Acceptable from them........and of course if they spend more time together they'll get more used to the other / learn about them, and probably ~Learn About Themselves~ since they're finally getting to like, Not be putting on a performance for someone / feeling like they have to play some specific role to be liked or whatever

and like, alana isn't just all Boring and incapable of having fun or comprehending what that is........i like soph's hc that she loves karaoke, jared could tag along and be the audience lol and it's just like, hey we can just have fun together doing shit for fun and not like, feeling like you're having to prove your worth to the other person all the time, just having some confidence that the other person likes you for who you are and they can relax and actually enjoy it

naturally i like the idea that alana and jared become friends (or better friends) in college........the rest of senior year has to be Not A Great Time and just generally more fraught than usual for them, and they could stand to have the summer before college to kinda take a breath (but also maybe feel worried about college) but then yknow once college starts they're In college and it's different from hs (and better), and it being a Different environment with Different people and a Different structure can also help them just like, get more comfortable with themselves and maybe (hopefully) feel more capable of pursuing stuff they really wanna do and just overall be having a better time than, say, in senior year of high school.....would sure be convenient if they went to the same one of course. lol. hang out all the time on campus / between classes, go to Social Occasions together, be in the same dorm / just keep hanging out at each other's, etc

also just like, on its own, i always like the idea of jared also being able to Make Friends / have decent, positive, accepting Social Interactions via joining a club / being involved in some extracurricular type shit, where he Can be comfortable like "oh i'm here to Do Some Tasks so i get to be part of this group of people just by signing up, not by everyone else deciding they want me around" and then yknow, be spending time with this group of people that way, end up hanging out at various points kind of branching off of whatever Tasks are being done, and sort of gradually realize that people Don't Dislike him and can then catch on that maybe he has some potential friends here.........it's fun to think of him doing like, tech work for theatre, and also in the midst of all these theatre people he can like, fully realize Oh I'm Gay (and maybe get to fully process what went down there re: evan and his own Heartbreak there, like the fact that it Was heartbreak).......and to add the idea of Alana Being Friends with him during college, maybe a) she can hang out over in the theatre area sometimes while he's doing whatever and work on her own stuff but also get to interact with everyone else who might be around and b) if he gets any comp tickets she can get one and c) idk she can maybe also be Directly involved in helping out sometimes......

and also anyways getting all the way to This Point in the answer before mentioning that like, of course both jared and alana are gay and maybe haven't figured this out entirely by the events of Canon but sure could during college and could be each other's Supportive Friend, naturally if one of them figures it out first the other one is like wow great i'm such an Ally of that, boy it feels really great to Know i have a gay friend actually, b/c i'm Such An Ally......and then figuring it out for themself as well lmao like aha. hope they don't think i'm copying them lol...........also the one Jared And Alana "Dating" idea i permit is that maybe back in the day when neither of them were Aware of their own gayness they like, vibed with each other and were like "hmm is this Having A Crush?" and "dated" awkwardly for like a month or two or something (or less lol)......naturally they could've had this sort of experience with Anyone but like, the sort of underlying thing that the Affinity they mistook for "i wanna date this person" was them rly having the potential to be good friends and have a significant relationship that way. but then them having this real awkward "dating" experience probably would delay that for at least a little bit lmao like avoiding each other b/c even if it sure was just like, a not-that-dramatic mutual breakup, it's still uncomfortable and it's like "why didn't this work out at all"............but yeah the important part is they're gay and they're friends and if they are also good friends while they're figuring out the Being Gay stuff for themselves then that's just nice for them.....have this person be supportive and glad for you........

also and yknow there's the idea of "what if jared and evan start to make up in College Times and possibly kleinsen happens" and obviously being back in touch with evan would be both fraught for jared and alana even if they're in this place where it's easier to extend him some grace here, but they'd sure understand each other's misgivings and trepidation here even if they don't really lay out each and every Detail of like "yeah here's why and how i was hurt back in the day in tcp times".......and yknow, for jared it wouldn't have to be like "wow after i lost evan i've had No Friends and having him back in my life would mean i'm not completely alone anymore," which might help him take his time in contemplating / reflecting upon the situation lol. and who knows, alana might be down to accept an apology as well at least or something. but regardless of that concept Yeah jared and alana getting to be friends in college would be cool for both of them.

these are all broad sweeping concepts lmao instead of like any fun details or specific events / scenarios lol but yeah here are some Thoughts.......a real tl;dr is that it'd be nice if like, overall, both jared and alana felt like they had some more space in college to figure themselves out and feel less pressure to fit some precise role that will win them approval, and they find some Connection through each other and get to share that like, Figuring Themselves Out territory while being friends and getting some emotional support from each other, and they are gay

[quirkless-and-embarrassed]

Sir Nighteye

Ok, I watched the anime and felt like doing another character meme!

Spoilers for Overhaul arc/season four of the anime.

Favorite thing about him:

I like that Nighteye didn’t allow his admiration of All Might to turn him into a pushover. Such adulation could have blinded him to All Might’s flaws, something Midoriya struggles with, but Nighteye stood firm, spoke his mind, and took action in accordance with what he believed. The way Nighteye willingly, gladly admits to being wrong (about Midoriya and All Might’s decision to fight fate) makes it clear that it wasn’t pride that drove Nighteye away from All Might, but actually principles and genuine concern/panic. Nighteye was happy to be wrong, even though it meant that his failures to change the future were true failures and not simply something out of his control. Knowing this enabled Nighteye to let go of his underlying fear that his quirk didn’t just see the future, it set the future in stone, and he’s able to die peacefully after giving All Might and Midoriya his full, unconditional approval, and after internally apologizing to Mirio for seeing him as a vessel before realizing the error of his ways.

Nighteye presumably awakened his quirk when was four or five, and he was thirty-eight when he died. That’s thirty-four years—he could have used his quirk easily thousands of times, maybe more than ten-thousand—and never once has the future significantly deviated from what he saw. Essentially, his quirk’s been the daily Word Of God since he was five years old. It’s easy for Midoriya or Rock Lock to say, bring it on, I can smash fate; for Nighteye, who has actually tried, it’s a completely different ballgame. He knows what it MEANS to try to change to fate, but he’s determined to try anyways.

I like the balance Nighteye strikes between fierce idealism and calculated realism. Yeah, the narrative often criticizes realism for not being plus ultra, but it’s a quality I like. Nighteye wanted to carefully plan Eri’s rescue and Overhaul’s arrest, but his caution didn’t make him any less committed or passionate, or any less admirable than anyone who would have (tried to) saved her immediately (it’s not like Overhaul would let anyone walk away with her).

I like his hero name. The Sir invokes the honor of a knight, All Might’s vassal, the “eye” is obvious, and “night” because he can see in the “dark”: the future is clear to him. Plus, I like the night/knight pun.

I also like just how gangly, angular, and weird he looks. He has some quality body language with the angle of his head.

Least favorite thing about him:

His stamps…his abs…come on. He doesn’t need to a fantastic fighter. His stamps are a funny weapon to be sure, but it irritates me that they’re as strong as they are. It’s ridiculous that Nighteye could cartoonishly hurl Rappa the way he did, and it was stupid to tear his shirt to show off how ripped he was. I felt like Horikoshi was trying to show us that Nighteye meets the standards of a conventional hero, when he could be just as much of a hero using his brain. At the most, someone like Nighteye, who emphasizes logic and excels at predicting opponents’ next moves, should be carrying a gun like the police.

The tickle machine. Eughh. I could barf at how much I hate it.

It’s also frustrating that Nighteye completely wrote Midoriya off as a “quirkless middle-schooler” who could never become the Symbol of Peace and actively undermined All Might even now that he was finally raising a successor. I can at least respect how upfront he is about it: Midoriya knows what he’s getting into by the time he submits his work study application to UA. But even without that, Nighteye doesn’t trouble me as much as he did the first time I read the manga because 1) I figure Nighteye saw Midoriya when he foresaw All Might’s doomed future, because Midoriya is such a big part of his life that of course Nighteye saw him, 2) Nighteye is aware that they’re working on an extremely tight timeline: All Might is due to die within the next year or two, so picking a baby successor who’s going to need tons of hands-on guidance is a bad move, and 3) Nighteye paid the price for his “quirkless” comment when Mirio lost his quirk, and, despite what he said, it was clear that he didn’t love Mirio less, or respect him less as a hero, because of it.

I like that Nighteye appreciates humor, but his final speech about laughter and smiling, combined with Mirio’s determinedly positive reaction, makes me think that he may not have taught Mirio that it’s okay to be sad, that you don’t need to always smile. That would be a disappointing failure on Nighteye’s part, since the overwhelming pressure All Might feels to be positive+proactive is part of what made him unable to accept Nighteye’s criticism. It also fits with how Nighteye’s inner monologues tend to be more sympathetic than his actual dialogue, so maybe Nighteye should have tried to be less didactic and tell Mirio that he has been Nighteye’s pride and joy, instead of thinking that and giving Mirio a last speech on the importance of smiles and humor. I think he would have been a better teacher if he’d allowed himself to be more sentimental.

Favorite line:

My absolute favorite is in ch137, as he observes Mirio’s guilt from letting Overhaul retrieve Eri and bring her back to his headquarters. Nighteye thinks:

I can’t say whether or not the future can be changed. But we can change the past. How we view the past and interpret it. That much is possible.

It’s an important life lesson, and I like how he inverts the typical, “the past can’t be changed, but you can control the future so that’s what matters” perspective.

I also like it in ch130, when Nighteye berates-slash-comforts Midoriya, who regrets allowing Overhaul take Eri back: “Enough of that arrogant thinking! Haste makes waste. Go after him haphazardly, and he’ll slip through our fingers. You’re not quite so special as to save whom you want, when you want.” Then he elaborates on their plan and finishes with a bang: “The world is not so accommodating that you can act the hero because you feel like it. The cleverest villains out there lurk in the shadows. There will be times when every precaution must be taken.”

One more, in ch161. When he’s on his deathbed, Nighteye looks at Mirio and thinks, In the beginning…I only brought you in as a potential vessel, but you stuck by me, believed in me, and at some point…you became my pride and joy.

BROTP:

Him and Mirio. I love how Nighteye took Mirio under his wing in a half-logical way, viewing him as All Might’s proper successor, only to accidentally raise Mirio as his own successor.

I wish we got to see Nighteye and Aizawa interact more. They’re both the rational mentors who get attached to their kids. It would have been nice to see Aizawa talk to Nighteye about his problem child or about Mirio, or to help Midoriya navigate his relationship with Nighteye, but since Aizawa doesn’t know about OfA and Nighteye was on his way out anyways…oh well.

I’d also love to have seen Nighteye and Hawks interact. They’re connected on a meta level, as the unofficial righthand men of the #1 heroes, and also by the idea of fate. Nighteye’s arc centered on the fact he could see the future, and the future he saw could not be changed. Hawks may or may not know it, but the imagery surrounding him is unmistakeable, and we the readers know that some sort of doom is waiting for the man who goes too fast. Whether Hawks can defy fate or if he’ll be crushed by it remains to be seen (and, like Nighteye, he’s not looking promising).

Hawks takes one look at Nighteye—perfectly pressed suit, pinched, no-nonsense expression and all—and is like oh this guy looks like he’s gonna be fun. Nighteye looks even more tightly wound than Endeavor. But actually, Nighteye actually respects and appreciates Hawks’s cavalier attitude! And though they rarely see each other, since they live far apart, they become friends who mainly swap information and keep each other up to date on villain things. Occasionally Hawks will see something ridiculous, like a meme or something, and send it to Nighteye, and Nighteye follows Hawks on social media and sometimes likes his stuff.

It’d be especially interesting to see them disagree about All Might. Nighteye is such a hardcore fanboy, Hawks professes to not be a fan, the Symbol of Peace is such an important part of how Nighteye envisions the future, and it’d be interesting to hear Hawks’s perspective on the Symbol of Peace and where it fits into his vision of the future.

I also appreciate Nighteye and All Might’s relationship, but like…idk, they got so little time together in canon, I kinda prefer to think of it as a dead brotp. Even if Nighteye had survived, I would kinda want his relationship with All Might not to be very close, because even though they weren’t angry anymore didn’t mean they could pick up where they left off.

OTP:

Hmm…not really anyone. I haven’t read much Nighteye fic. There is this one touching soulmate AU where he and All Might both bear the black symbol of someone who has been rejected by their soulmate…here.

NOTP:

No, not really.

Random headcanon:

One of the reasons he reacted so harshly to Midoriya as All Might’s successor is that when he foresaw All Might’s death, he also saw Midoriya. Midoriya’s failure to protect All Might from his gruesome death revealed him as an unfit successor, and he believes if he can remove Midoriya from the equation, then he will have changed the future.

Nighteye helped All Might track down AfO to avenge Nana, and he felt partially responsible for All Might’s injury in addition to fearing that his quirk set All Might’s future in stone.

Nighteye used his quirk on All Might between surgeries, because he couldn’t stand not knowing whether All Might would survive his wounds from AfO or not. He should have stopped when he saw All Might survived, but—he’s such a fanboy, and he saw that future!him was terrified and arguing with All Might about something, and he knew immediately just from the expression on his own face that he’d foreseen All Might’s death. He couldn’t resist looking ahead to find it and learn how much time All Might had left.

…part of me thinks that the reason Nighteye’s foresight was wrong about Midoriya’s death was because Eri also has a time-related quirk, and there was nothing Midoriya really did to change fate. Which would be sad, but. Yeah.

I’d like to think that Nighteye had a really wacky, judgmental cat with a questionably funny name. It sat on top of the fridge and looked down on him when he came home late. After his death, it becomes his agency’s cat and harbors a dangerous grudge against Bubble Girl’s aromatic bubbles.

Unpopular opinion:

It seems like plenty of people dislike him, so…I like him? He’s not even close to one of my favorites, but still.

Even though I like him, I was surprised to discover he was dead—I forgot he died, so I guess his death scene didn’t leave an impression on me. Looking back on it, I think it’s a nice enough scene, but at the time I was probably too exasperated by the overhaul arc as a whole to care much.

idk, I don’t see people talk about him much.

Song I associate with him:

uh…um…well……there isn’t really any music I associate with him. Here are a few songs that are very loose associations, I guess.

Darkside of the Sun by Tokio Hotel reminds me of how All Might’s public persona has taken over his identity, and Nighteye is seeking to save his life by retiring his persona.

Carry Me Down by Demon Hunter has the line “I know the pain inside my heart / can’t break the fear inside of yours,” which reminds me of Nighteye’s grief can’t persuade All Might to confront the reality of his imminent death, plus other stuff in the song about unspoken regrets and death.

And last, Turns to Dust by Sound Surfer and Nilka reminds me of Shigaraki (for obvious reasons), but I think it also speaks to Nighteye’s fear of his quirk.

Favorite picture of him:

Ch126 – Nighteye’s glare when Midoriya mimics All Might’s smile! He sure is intimidating 😂

Episode 75 – This moment did nothing for me in the manga, but it was genuinely moving in the anime. The voice acting and music <3 

I’ve also done Todoroki, Bakugo, Uraraka, Endeavor, Amajiki, and Shinsou!

[too-lit-for-fanfic]

The Dead Don’t Die; A Review. (Spoilers - it was shit a disappointment)

Hey guys! It’s Roen, one of the owners of this account! I’ve just watched ‘The Dead Don’t Die’, directed by Jim Jarmusch and honestly, I don’t think I’ve ever been more disappointed in a film for a long time, and that’s saying something. The star-studded cast was completely wasted, the talented likes of Adam Driver, Bill Murray and Steve Buscemi have some enjoyable scenes, though they were few and far between, and at the best of times barely raised a smile to my face.

Let’s start on a high note, the cops. Genuinely stole the show for me. Driver and Bill Murray? Yes please. They worked so well off each other and the chemistry was really good. The dynamics between their two characters was very refreshing as well, unlike the same bland emotionless voids everyone else (aside from Buscemi) appeared to be. Loved the little nod to Star Wars, the red car scene was probably the best in the movie, actually enjoyable to watch the two with their bits of banter, actually believable characters. Just get rid of the female cop, I’m all for diversity and inclusion, but again; she added nothing to any of the scenes she was in and had little to no chemistry with the other cast. You can’t have the entire set of characters acting nonchalant and then have one just fucking bawling their eyes out all the time. Got annoying real fast. The romance between the female cop and Ronnie (Driver) was not believable at all to me. I think they were aiming for a relationship like Tim and Dawn from the UK The Office but it fell so short. Not a fault of either actor, they did the best they could with the material given, however it just seemed like a pointless side piece left out to dry in the sun for too long.

Steve Buscemi, aka Farmer Miller was probably the best consistent character. I am a massive fan of a Buscemi so that probably has something to do why I liked his performance so much but i believe the little bit of *flavour* to his voice, the passion, the anger, just made the character stand out so much more from the rest. I would have loved to have seen more of his character, he only had like three scenes which was a massive injustice. I feel as if the framing/filming of the movie could have been done so much better than it was. It may just be the directors style but it felt as if there were so many pointless scenes, like the extended amount of silence in the car with the three fucking hippies that amounted to absolutely no character development that didn’t even fucking matter because they died practically the very next scene. It was just so infuriating how so much screen time was wasted on insignificant details (like any scene with the alien, the unneeded bonding between Bill nd the delivery man, the extra bit of the two diner workers just chit chatting, the hippy trio section) when it could have been spent on actually interesting characters like Miller. Also, that hat was comedy gold.

The homeless dude pissed me off to no end. What even was his purpose? He was like some bootleg token The Lorax, wandering about the woods high off of mushrooms commenting on the capitalist ideology of the townsfolk. Did he offer anything to the plot? No. Was he interesting in the least?!for the first five minutes. Could he be removed form the story by a disembodied Martin Freeman voice? Absolutely. I don’t know if this is just the directors style but what the fuck. The last bit on phones and technology and capitalism was such a slap in the face to the audience. Propaganda. Like okay, we’ve payed to sit here and wasted over an hour of our lives to watch one of the most disappointing movies recently released, with fucking Scottish aliens, even though it was marketed as a zombie movie, to be lectured on the usage of technology? Fuck off. Pick a genre and stick to it. So much valuable screen time wasted. I think the problem with this movie in particular was, there was such an abundant cast that the movie couldn’t really spend that much time on any of them, not allowing itself to develop their characters or for the audience to form an actual bond with them. If you are to do this with such a large cast some groups must eventually merge in order to provide a semi coherent story. A big downfall on the directors behalf.

I don’t really have much to say about Bill or Hank. They were okay, bu weren’t given enough screen time for me to actually care about them dying. Their characters needed some more spicing up. I’m not dissing the actors for this though, they matched the tone of the movie very well, some things are just irreparable. Could have been done better, could’ve been done worse. The beginning scene with the delivery man and Bill was unnecessary and devoured valuable screen time, so did the awkward as hell interaction between him and the Selena Gomez character.

I don’t even know who the three teen actors were. I’m not throwing shade, but for such a star studded cast i would of thought all man members would have some notoriety. Maybe they do, please correct me if I’m wrong, I just didn’t recognise them form anything I’d seen. Their acting was alright but the few scenes they had were just so pointless. They added nothing to the story and didn’t influence the plot in anyway; at least the Scottish alien lady inadvertently got the two main characters killed, that was something. Was this part of the political propaganda the film was trying to push? If so it went completely over my head unlike all the other in your face narration. Ate up valuable screen time that could of been spent developing far more interesting characters. What even happened to them anyway? The just sort of ran off screen and that was the last we saw of them. Maybe the director forgot about that side plot, I don’t blame him, they were just as forgettable to the audience.

Don’t even get me started on the fucking.. i don’t even know- Scottish Alien?? I thought this was a zombie movie but okay. She’s literally the token badass that just fucks off in a spaceship after ultimately leading the main characters (the cops) to their death by requesting they meet her there for no apparent reason than to flex she can be free and they can’t. Honestly, personally I think this was just an excuse to subvert expectations and throw a curve ball in there for the audience. I’m sorry but just because something’s shocking or doesn’t necessarily fit doesn’t mean it’s going to wow audiences, plot twists have to make sense. If they don’t it’s just bad writing and incoherent story telling. It was worse than the *subverdion* of Game of Thrones.

Overall it was such a waisted potential and an actual chore to get through. Would not recommend, at all. If you like this film I’m genuinely happy for you and glad you’ve found something else to enjoy. However, I feel that this is the long awaited final nail in the coffin for zombie movies (which is a shame because I love the likes of Shaun of the Dead). No matter how talented the cast, and by-god did they try to make the script work, if you have lousy material and a dead story there’s only so much they can do. As a Brit, however, I do feel it may be partially down to personal preference (although the shady plot and general inconsistencies are universal) particularly in relation to the comedy. Not to be insulting but I think I was expecting more witty/intelligent humour akin to Blacladder of Shaun of the dead, the contrast with the laconic style just really didn’t do it for me. Don’t think I laughed once apart from that red car scene. However if you enjoy that type of humour good on you, it’s just it something I connect with very well.

REVIEW ENDS HERE, BELOW IS MY INTERPRETATION OF EVENTS.

‘Oh it’s easy to throw criticism, I beg you couldn’t have done any better.’ Is an argument I am anticipating, so let me pitch to you my possible plot for the movie. First of all, get rid of the three juveniles in that delinquent-prison - seriously, what the fuck was their purpose in this film? Offered nothing to drive the plot forward, didn’t effect the story, had no even slightly funny scene - and replace their screen time with the buddy-cop-duo of Adam Driver/Ronnie and Bill Murray/Cliff. Just get rid of the female cop, the chemistry was better without her input. Bill and Hank? Had potential but I think they should’ve partnered up with Steve Buscemi’s character Miller to form an unlikely passive aggressive, comedy gold, getting by on the scrape of their teeth, trio. The homeless man, again, had potential. Instead of having him as some fucking narrator with a sociology degree I would have placed him along with the Billy-Hank-Miller trio. There could have been some great scenes filled with tension between Miller and him. Out of town hippy trio? Still a thing, but for two scenes max.

Now that the playing field has been set let’s get into my rendition of the story. We start off in the diner with Harry and Frank watching the news and having some not so friendly banter. Insults based on race, lifestyle and beliefs are thrown (the hat, which was hilarious, stays) to establish character dynamics. Scene ends with Frank/Buscemi leaving the diner as the theme tune begins to play. Cut to Ronnie and Cliff stood in a cell looking over the dead woman, Ronnie’s flippancy should remain whilst Cliff should behave like a much more real human, this adds a conflict of character that the movie only briefly explored. The two are in the midst of passive aggressively talking to one another over the body - Ronnie forgot to call the people to collect it - as a client steps into the station. Cliff engages in conversation with the client who is informing him of Miller/Buscemi and Homeless dude getting into a fight on Miller’s driveway. In the background, Ronnie, in an attempt to hide the dead body, drags it off into the background, horribly failing at subtlety.

Once the client is gone the body is placed in the receptionists chair, to ‘make it look like they got around to hiring that new member of staff’ and the duo drive to the scuffle. In the car they briefly chat about the scientific events occurring with the theme playing in the background, develops the world they’re in and further establishes their dynamics and relationship. Once they arrive Miller and Homeless dude are close to throwing hands, Miller with one chicken in his arm and a shot gun in the other and homeless dude with a skinned animal in his. Ultimate cop duo extinguish the scene with jokes thrown in, homeless dude just fucking slaps Miller with the skinned rabbit, Miller nearly shoots him, that hat gets briefly confiscated by Cliff. Scene ends with the four parting ways, cops in the car, Miller up to his house in search of the rest of his chickens and homeless dude off into the wilderness.

Diner deaths happen, but the lady screaming with the mop is considerably shortened. The following scene with cops pretty much stays the same, except the female officer is no longer present. That tiny red car for the absolute tank that is Adam Driver? Absolute gold we are keeping that. Homeless dude, who had seen the dead the night before absolutely fucking recks the crime scene losing his shit trying the convince Cliff. Ronnies already on board but must maintain the law. Homeless bro gets detained by Ronnie but manages to run off with only one hand cuffed. Immediate cut to Hank talking with Billy about weapons and zombies yada yada yada except this time he’s actually a traumatised old man. As Billy goes on a tangent about zombies I imagine Hank to be like ‘Moose’ played by the old guy in Jumaji: the next level. Completely gormless but hanging off of every word.

Scene at motel happens, along with the amazing line ‘fuck farmer Miller’ delivered perfectly by Murray.

Skip to night time; cop buddy duo set out on the town with a load of guns and other assorted weapons they managed to scrounge up, their mission is to keep the poeple of the town safe, do they succeed? No. Cliff accidentally drives someone over believing them to be a zombie. At the same time Miller, absolutely fuming about his chickens, is off in the woods behind the store Billy and Hank are camping out in in order to catch the homeless dude in the act of skinning a chicken. Billy and Hank have completely boarded up the front door but unlike in the film, they realise there’s a back door because Miller comes bursting through searching for another shot gun, the undead right on his trial. The trio officially buddy up, gather weapons and set off into the woods, absolutely shit but sumultaneously amazing fight scene ensues as they make their way out of the town.

Our unfortunate trio stumble across homeless guy literally eating one of Millers chickens in the woods. Miller tries to shoot him but is stopped. Banter is tossed, a mini argument happens, everyone has some chicken (Miller begrudgingly). We cut bsck to the cops who now discover the hippy trio dead at the motel, that scene is the same. Cutting back; At the prospect of teaming up Miller throws his chicken away and stomps off into the woods, Billy and Hank following. Homeless dude chases them and attaches himself with the one free hand cuff to Miller. He now has to come.

At some point Cliff absolutely totals the car, I’m not against keeping the zombies in wheels scene. And the two cops are backed into the graveyard. The amazing four are already there struggling to survive. Miller and homeless man keep trying to run in different directions and falling over, Frank has no idea what to do with a pair of branch cutters, Billy is far too happy to be able to finally use his vintage sword that turns out to be pretty shit in the end. Fight scene ensues.

Miller and homeless dude are the first to go, they couldn’t get along if their lives depended on it, which it did. The group scramble and in the process the pair can’t make up their minds. They die arguing. Something along the lines of ‘thank god for that’ but funnier is said by someone idk who. The next to go is Billy. His flimsy sword actually brakes and he’s left weaponless. Hank goes next, he’s been bit and Murray has to shoot him. I picture the scene from Shaun of the Dead, with Ronnie telling Cliff he has to shoot him.

The final scene is when Cliff and Ronnie finally reach another town, beaten up and evidently bruised. The only problem is, the towns already been overrun. The two share one last exasperated look before they charge in to battle, the screen fading to black as the theme song plays. Akin to the ending of Balckadder season 4 But less emotional.

(I know it’s not perfect but by god it’s not any worse than the actual fucking film. If anyone else has any thoughts or ways they think the story should have progressed please message me! I’d love to hear what you guys think!)

[rorykillmore]

& then how does each character act when theyre like attracted to someone or crushing on someone, aka which one is the biggest gay disaster lol

you think there could be just ONE?

lucille i think would have a hard time developing feelings for anyone unless there was REALLY a lot of trust involved, and even then she might just... shut down about it for awhile idk. she just wouldn’t know how to handle approaching a relationship in a... safe, comfortable way, so once she REALIZED she had feelings for anyone it would take her awhile to work through them and trust them. so not a lot of... explicit or sappy stuff, if anything she might be kind of avoidant about it for awhile. that’s just where she is in her development rn, there’s still a lot she’s not good at handling.

glory... idk it depends on who the other person (dragon) is, but she’s so no nonsense that i think she would kind of inherently dislike admitting she has Softer feelings for someone. it’d be easier if it was someone like deathbringer, who she can kind of clash and banter with and sort of build a flirtation on that without having to admit too much or express stuff that’s more vulnerable. if she had feelings for someone she didn’t quite have that dynamic with, she’d be... idk. potentially a bit more clumsy with it. probably still deflect a lot with sarcasm but it’d be a bit more awkward because she’d have to attempt to not point it at them DIRECTLY,

kara is a bit, well, EMBARRASSINGLY obvious about it. she tends to get nervous when she’s crushing on someone -- she stumbles a lot more and gets kind of overly giggly and easily flustered. it’s just... not subtle when kara is developing feelings for someone.  that doesn’t necessarily mean she’d act on them right away (see james, because that situation was complicated, or rey because even though they both Knew how each other felt, there were a lot of factors that made acting on that immediately not such a great idea) but she usually doesn’t bother being too secretive because it’s obvious anyway. if she does want to pursue someone, sometimes she’ll do nice, cutesy things like getting them flowers or w/e

siobhan... smh. you would expect siobhan to be kind of a prickly asshole who’s constantly in denial, but actually when it comes to romance, she’s not savvy enough for that. when it comes to those kinds of feelings she tends to be so ???!!! because what?? genuine human connection??? and being at that kind of loss makes her sort of impulsive and clumsy; like she’ll act on her feelings because it seems like a good idea at the time and then she’ll REEL BACK and immediately decide it was a mistake and kind of go in unproductive circles so because part of her wants that connection, but the other part of her doesn’t want to trust anyone with that kind of vulnerability. winn was a pretty good example of all this stuff in action.

caitlin can be a liiittle bit oblivious, honestly. someone expressing romantic interest in her is probably something she wouldn’t notice unless it was VERY direct, and she also doesn’t examine her own feelings enough to realize that kind of thing until a bit late in the game, in most circumstances. but assuming she did that eventually or the other person was just, earnest and open about how they felt from the get-go, she’d be... well, idk. probably a little withdrawn? maybe even discouragingly closed off; definitely at least hesitant. romance, as it turns out, has never worked well for her, and she’s definitely not eager to leap back into it. but honestly it’s not really a priority for her anyway.

sara is, well, sara. she’s smooth as fuck. and also kind of a shameless flirt who doesn’t see much reason not to indicate that she’s attracted to someone when she is, although she’s also... conscious of the other person’s feelings and good at not coming on too Strongly. the hang-ups start to occur when she’s not just idly attracted or “crushing” but starts to become aware of more serious feelings, because THEN she doesn’t know what to do and kind of tends to mishandle things. sometimes that manifests in being sort of evasive the way she was with snart, and sometimes it manifests in just being a complete, uncharacteristically clumsy disaster like she was with ava. depends on her willingness to confront/pursue things, i guess. she still manages to be a little bit of a flirt even then though

bramblestar.... bears the curse of being a male character written by the erin hunters, and thus any time he’s attracted to a Woman™ (meaning female cat, but like trust me, that gets across the mood better) he is KIND of an oblivious idiot about it. he can’t read those kinds of hints really well and gets really ??? when he accidentally, inevitably makes a situation worse by saying something stupid. he likes things to be... obvious and upfront, and when they’re not he just gets kind of confused. thank god squirrelflight tolerates him.

heather... well, just look at her entire history on denny! she actually used to have a bad habit of when she was actually attracted to someone, picking on them a little more and giving them the Wrong kinds of negative attention, but on denny she’s grown out of that and it’s more just... idk. she knows the traditional cues and expectations and patterns to follow when it comes to guys, so she can be very forward and direct with them (although ratchet has managed to disprove a lot of her expectations), but she’s... less experienced in admitting her attraction to girls. and on top of that, her feelings for veronica are PRETTY deep by now, so that’s even less she knows how to handle. so up until now she’s kind of tackled a lot of it by just... i’m gonna be completely honest, interpreting a lot of what happens between them as just being normal for very close friendships. gals being fucking pals.

madeline is... fairly traditional about this kind of thing. if a little impulsive. yeah, i think that’s fair to say. she’s pretty good at determining what she wants and then acting on it, i wouldn’t even be surprised if she was the one who initiated things in both of her previous serious relationships, because she doesn’t see the point of wasting time or dancing around things or anything. BUT again, she is impulsive, driven by her feelings first, and sometimes that can lead her into making stupid decisions, like the brief affair she had back home.

badgerstripe has never really had particular, obvious crushes or feelings she’s been aware of before, soooo she’d be kind of... cautious about navigating them at first? she’s the type who’d want to feel out a situation like this very thoroughly before even considering acting on it, which would probably involve a lot of her second-guessing the other person’s feelings and her own. she’d have to make sure her doubts don’t do that kind of self-sabotaging thing they do, but if she got past that i think she’d be... tentatively optimistic? curious? willing to pursue something and probably hitting a few of those fun little “first love” roadbumps as she did

trish is used to leading a pretty... publicized dating life, so she kind of has a tendency to be careful and deliberate and linear about how she treats her feelings for someone and all the stuff she does afterwards. like, if she lets it be anything less than Pretty in the public eye then the tabloids will usually go nuts, so there’s a lot of... casual dating and going through the motions and trish kind of preparing herself for the inevitable blow-up it’s going to end with. some of her stuff with laurel has been treading new ground for her for obvious reasons, and also because it isn’t public in the same way, and she doesn’t necessarily expect it to end disastrously because... it isn’t that serious! right! at least she’s partially right because they are gonna end things on good terms, which will be a nice change for once, but.

anya isn’t really good at examining and becoming consciously aware of these kinds of feelings. it’s also important to note that she was robbed of that like... period of teenage development where people kind of test the waters with this sort of thing, so she retains a lot of that teenage... defensiveness or stubbornness about it. she doesn’t like admitting her feelings because it’s a bit embarrassing to her, so she’ll dance around that kind of thing, but often give herself away by paying a little too much attention to the other person, even if it means frequent bickering or nagging or acting like she doesn’t like them (see: dmitry).

and dolores is in the tricky position of being someone who... doesn’t usually lie to other people or to herself if she feels strongly about them. BUT romance is really complicated for her right now, so depending on the circumstances she’d probably hold herself back a little until she figured out how to be a little less... way and conflicted about it. but apart from that, she’s usually pretty reasonable about it. she’s a bit careful about gauging how the other person is feeling and how genuine that is buuut she herself is usually pretty warm and sincere with people she has a lot of affection for, sometimes even playfully flirtatious like she used to be with teddy. in short, she might not do anything decisive about her feelings until she’s sure it’s what she and the other person want,but she’s also not especially secretive or oblivious.

[roseangelx]

Semi-Coherent Thoughts on “The Six Thatchers”

I won’t call this a review, because my thoughts are still a bit jumbled (not unlike the episode itself), but I thought I’d write something up while it’s still fresh in my mind. Under the cut to avoid spoilers (and also because it’s lengthy and I won’t bore anyone who isn’t interested). 

General Thoughts

Overall, I did like the episode. When I rewatched Series 1--3 this week, I noticed that there was a sort of dynamic-shift in Series 3. With the exception, perhaps, of HLV, it felt like Series 3 served a similar purpose to filler episodes in longer TV series - lots of character development, not a lot of plot, less of the case work that we became so familiar with in Series 1 and 2. Series 4 felt like we’d shifted back closer to the dynamic from the first two seasons, and I was glad for that. 

I do agree that the episode was a bit jumbled, like the writers had too many ideas that were squished into too short a period of time. The first 40 minutes or so, with the primary focus on the case that the episode is named after, ran smoothly, but once the AGRA flashdrive came into it, everything kind of fell apart. I still enjoyed it, don’t get me wrong, but I feel like there was so much in there that would have been better spread over a few episodes. 

I confess to being a little bit disappointed by the actual “six Thatchers” case, partially because I expected more from the apparently major case in the episode, and partially because “The Six Thatchers” is one of John Watson’s blog posts set during ASiB. What happened, did the writers run out of ideas and have to backtrack to use a version of a case that had already been solved on the official website? Perhaps that’s why John Watson’s blog is no longer being updated despite there being blog posts within the episode - the blog is no longer consistent with the series. 

Let’s Talk About Mary

The one big thing on the top of my Series 4 wishlist was for more backstory on Mary, and this episode did deliver, just not as much as I hoped. Her character is so complex and has so much potential, and there is undoubtedly so much more to her past that I wanted to explore. I find myself hoping (and in part expecting) to see more of her backstory in the coming episodes, even though her character is no longer in the picture. I still can’t shake the fact that the AGRA flashdrive thrown into the fire in HLV has a full stop after the R that is clearly not there on the flashdrive that was originally given to John, and if that turns out to be an editing mistake, I will be hugely disappointed. 

Mary’s death was, in a word, heartbreaking. I have seen criticisms of John Watson’s so-called “Chewbacca noises” during that scene, and I was surprised, because all I could think was that Martin Freeman was an extraordinary actor and it struck me as incredibly genuine. It hurt. I didn’t cry, but it was close enough, for me. I didn’t see it coming. I knew it was likely she would die in this series, because that much had been alluded to in interviews - we know that Mary Watson dies in the ACD stories - but I was sure it would be the big twist in episode 3. I didn’t expect it to happen so soon and I’m devastated that it happened in the same episode where we were finally getting to know her better. I can only hope that the decision to kill her in this episode was made because there are things that needed to happen after her death that they needed two episodes to deal with (things perhaps related to the “Miss Me?” video that I will talk about shortly), and not because they needed her out of the picture so that John and Sherlock could go back to being John and Sherlock. Anyone who knows me knows my hatred of female character deaths serving as no more than a plot device to further a man’s storyline (don’t get me started on Sleepy Hollow). 

Moving past Mary’s death, we have her “Miss Me?” video, of which I’m still not sure what to think. I won’t talk much about that little end-credit scene, because I have no idea what to make of that beyond the fact that it is reaffirming my suspicions that Mary was linked to Moriarty in some way. However, the rest of the video is still intriguing, particularly the wording. “Save John Watson”, she says. Not “protect him”. Not “look after him”. “Save him”. They’re words that you’d only expect her to use if she knew that there was something that he needed saving from. Is it because she knows that in the event of her death he’ll be heartbroken and need saving from himself, or because she has reason to believe that people from her past will hurt him? Or, am I just overthinking again?

Relationships

The interpersonal interactions between the characters are one of my favourite parts of this show, and in this episode relationships definitely deserve a mention. To my surprise, the most prominent relationship featured in this episode seemed to be that of Sherlock and Mary. I know he had seemed to forgive her for shooting him in HLV in the end of that very same episode, but I hadn’t realised how complete that forgiveness seemed to be. They were working together, and he made it clear that he really did care for her and wanted to protect her. Perhaps it’s a result of all the fanfiction I read, but previously I felt like the vow he made was primarily for John, that yes, of course he’d protect Mary, but he’d do that because of John. No, this episode seemed like he wanted to protect Mary as well as John, because he cared for them both. Makes her death a little more heartbreaking. I did enjoy their interactions, although I probably would have enjoyed them more if we’d had more time to trust her again. Sherlock might have forgiven her for shooting him, but I still didn’t trust her. I still don’t, even after her death. 

There was a sore lack of Sherlock and John interactions, which I know many people are disappointed about, though I imagine the next two episodes will make up for that. Whether you ship them romantically or not, I think we all know that their relationship is always going to be central to the show. We just have to push past the pain of John blaming Sherlock for Mary’s death first - which is heartbreaking, but when you consider the fact that John doesn’t know Mary sacrificed herself but instead believes that Sherlock failed to protect her, his reaction is exactly what I’d have expected. It doesn’t make it any less painful. You can only imagine how much pain Sherlock himself is in, blaming himself, grieving, and being unable to help the one person he cares about more than anything in this world. 

Then we have John and Mary’s relationship, which on the surface seemed surprisingly healthy given Mary’s background. It definitely seems like John forgave her for shooting Sherlock, too. It definitely seemed like John loved her. And then you have what appears to be an affair. 

This is the one thing I can’t get past, and the one thing that I’d be content to believe doesn’t exist. I can understand that John would want some sort of normality in his life - think of HLV, of “She wasn’t supposed to be like that”. Yet, the idea that the John Watson we know would have an affair, would cheat on his wife shortly after she had a baby - it seems out of character and wrong. It seems equally out of character that his wife, with her unique skill set, and his best friend, the most observant man in the world, wouldn’t know that he was having an affair. I don’t quite understand it, in truth. Why did the writers put that in there? Was it to serve the purpose of making him look like a less than perfect husband to match his imperfect wife? Was it to make her death more heartbreaking, knowing that she died believing that her husband was perfect and loyal when he was not? Was it to implant in our minds the suggestion that he didn’t actually love Mary that much, that he wasn’t actually that happy in his marriage with her? 

The affair itself was very glossed over, open to interpretation. For all we know, it wasn’t an affair at all - it could have been nothing more than a few texts and an innocent meeting or two. It’s the belief I want to hold onto, because I find cheating unforgiveable and I want to like John’s character, but I know it’s wishful thinking of me to try and pretend nothing happened there. He’s obviously feeling guilty over it, given he almost tells her, and undoubtedly would have had she not died. We know nothing of this woman, either, and I can’t shake the feeling that she’s going to be important, somehow. We haven’t seen the last of her yet. 

Final Thoughts

Overall, I enjoyed the episode. It’s certainly not one of my favourites, but it’s not my least favourite either. I adored the little interaction we saw between Sherlock and Rosie, and also the scene with the dog (someone please buy Sherlock a dog). The episode has left me craving more, wanting to see what happens next, especially when it comes to Mary’s video (and the end-credits bit), and to phone call Mycroft makes to “Sherrinford”. There’s a lot more coming in this season, and I’m excited for it, but at the same time, I’m terrified. This episode was painful enough, and I get the feeling it’s only going to get worse. We’ve all seen the trailer by now. There are demons waiting for us.