#part of this meme didnt make sense to me tbh

[ginggerrobot]

stole from this

[troofless]

just finished reading naruto! through fandom osmosis i obviously had been spoiled on all the important plot points but it still made for an interesting read.

pros:

kakashi (from accounting?), killer bee, sakura are the goat

lesser goats are yamato (bro got thanos'd at the start of the last arc lmao), shikamaru (ofc), might guy (rip rock lee character arc ig)

sasuke getting disrespected by killer bee and madara disrespecting everyone was the best parts of the manga you feel me

sasuke kills danzo like thank fucking god and it is also the best fight engineering tbh like the guy who has been victimised by the system perpetuated by danzo is killing danzo also danzo harvested all those eyes from uchiha clan like wtf

IN A VACUUM sasuke and naruto final fight ties everything up. all things considered having this big fight right after obito->madara->kaguya+zetsu made no fucking sense

found it funny that sasuke was acting so edgy but his kill count is so low like theres this scene during orochimaru time when he stands over a 100 bodies and they're like damn sasuke you didnt kill a single one of them. and then when he met edotensei!itachi he basically did the equiv of laying down his arms so itachi could talk no jutsu him out of massacring konoha except itachi was like 'i have nothing more to say to you' like lmaoooo

also sasuke did the funniest thing ever by reviving orochimaru to get orochimaru to edo tensei the hokages to get THEM to talk no jutsu him into not massacring the village

sasuke being completely absent during pain arc and last arc (until the end) is really fucking funny like what did he even do man. walk around, kill time, sit around watching itachi genjutsu kabuto

tobirama being a hater in contrast to hashirama is the funniest thing ever and i love the dynamic

tobirama telling his brother to shut up

haha obito and kakashi shared sharingan panels :)

TRIPLE KUCHIYOSE SUMMONING BY TEAM 7

lee stealing neji's eyebrows meme

shikamaru's dad telling him to burn his pornos

might guy 8 gates vs ten tails madara stole rock lee's wig actually might guy just stole rock lee's whole schtick

the idea that kakashi would have murked himself after witnessing the death of almost everyone in his lives if it weren't for might guy is so funny

how tf did sasuke and naruto lie on the ground with their severed arms forming a heart shaped blood puddle and end up married not to each other

you cant tell me bkg is not based on sasuke but if like bkg didnt have a baggage of a dead brother and clan, same for aizawa with kakashi except kakashi is just cooler cos hrksh flopped

cons:

did NOT expect a prophecy and reincarnation plot point

sasuke was so annoying whenever team 7 met up with him and tried to get him to go back like they shld have just forgotten about him like sai told them to

naruto feels too much of a golden boy at the end of the madara arc when he starts to talk no jutsu obito if that makes sense. plus he gets so power upped its like an automatic win button for any fight now, anytime hes in trouble hes like 'omg kurama give me more chakra dattebayo' and suddenly hes fine

also his friendship w kurama was shoved in so abruptly like kurama literally (really) talked to him for the first time during the last arc and warmed up to him in the middle of the fight with madara(??) like cmon at least drag it out and start during the pain arc

team 7 went for like 1 mission and you expect me to believe now they wld die for sasuke

sasuke (tries to) kill sakura like at least 2 times and one of those moments happens 7 chapters before the end of the manga how are they still together

how the fuck did naruto say 'wow... sasuke and i really r compatible... wind exists to boost fire...' with a straight face like cmon

pencil holder neji :( it felt like he rly just died to further the naruhina plot point like why

obito obsessing an unhealthy amount over dead rin like ig its consistent

how is infinite tsukuyomi even a paradise like bro you could genjutsu yourself to the same effect if that even makes any sense and it wouldn't be any diff + what happens if the chakra used to sustain tsukuyomi runs out anyway what im saying is that sasuke was more onto something with the whole destroying and building anew that what obito and madara were on

rip sakura. girl was like 'i can fight with you two now' w kaguya and then instantly had to be saved by naruto (this also happened with sai 'i am part of team 7 too you know!' like rip)

TALKING ABOUT WHICH they're literally in the final fight against kaguya who transports them into the lava and sasuke saves naruto with his summoned hawk but doesn't give a shit about sakura (and kakashi) and naruto has to point out WHERES SAKURA and turns out kakashi saved sakura (and obito) with his quick thinking and reflexes like what the fuck sasuke this was ur future wife what was kishimoto thinking

also sasuke right after that states that only naruto and sasuke can seal kaguya meaning if they die its game over meaning everyone else was second priority (so basically just abandon kakashi and sakura)

wait in retrospect literally after that sakura and obito go on to save sasuke via tping to where he is like????/ sasuke you kinda suck ass methinks

naruto and sasuke going from tag teaming to ripping off each others arm is the stupidest segue ever

SAKURA SHOULD HAVE LEARNED GENJUTSU AND USED IT IN BATTLES BECAUSE WHAT WAS THE POINT OF KAKASHI SAYING SHE HAD POTENTIAL IN GENJUTSU IF-

why the fuck did kishimoto feel the need to do the thing where a side character goes 'i can help now!! we can pitch in to support!! we are not weak anymore!!' and then get instantly bodied so they need to be bailed out by naruto

anyway it just goes to show writing climaxes and final battles r hard i guess. the only good 'fighting' mangas that had these r like. fma. chihayafuru (except i forgot how the fight ended). (bnhas kinda sucked for me cos i feel nothing for shiggy) (bleach final arc kinda sucked ass in general and ichigo shld have just ended after losing his powers as closure). oh but konosuba is pretty good tho (konosuba is just good fullstop lmao the ln is so tight in mixing plot points disguised as filler)

anyway if kishi or whoever did a rewrite of itachi pov id be down bc imagine being that guy who massacred his entire village for his brother and then spent years rogue in an organization and then died and then edo tensei'd to disrespect kabuto and then have the best talk no jutsu in the manga w naruto and sasuke which he could have used before he died on sasuke

[bluewillowedart]

hi :) can you talk about anything related to prsk you have been thinking about lately. literally anything even if it's 15 paragraphs about an au in your head or disecting a character or just a little headcanon i Will read it. also what's the flag in your pfp?

hello :)

ohhhbhh goodness theres so much i could talk about oh god oh god.

but first - the flag in my pfp is the agender flag but the colors were picked from touyas sdsc trained card! ((you can pick the aromantic and agender flags from them and it makes me so happy hehe))

but now. jun insanity moment time. ((warning. this may be long))

uhmm idk how much i will end up putting here since. im not the best with words but. magical girl au with the gamer quartet.

i just think. pink leader emu would be so fun,, im drawing a lot of dynamic and design philosophies from precure so thats where that decision came from. the cute tiney girl with the big ass hammer being the leader is so amusing to me listen. Listen.

also the progression of who joins the team is emu -> nene -> akito -> touya

i really like the idea of touya being the more. almost aloof one whos hesitant to join the team and would prefer to work alone. that sort of concept but not exactly if you will hehe. there is an interval between nene joining compared to akito and touya. the latter two are somewhat close to precure's late cure concept. slightly.

emu and nene are established as close friends from the beginning in the au anyways so that lends itself to make the dynamic easy to build from. im still trying to figure out how to fill the void in how this blends akito and touya with this starting duo. but i like to think that touya got his powers even before akito but. kept it a secret from him (which he wish he didnt have to but you know). so when the two found out abt each other having powers. just. woah?!?!? spiderman pointing meme or smth ig.

i also should add the designs for them in general was drawn from that cutesy space/cyber aes along with very vaguely. sea slugs.

its been referenced and shown on one of my posts but their partners. emu -> crocodile, nene -> owl, akito -> wolf, touya -> panda. all based off of the animals they chose in close game offline :) they are silly little friends and the team has to pretend theyre little plushies to avert suspicions hfdjs

and similarly for their weapons. emu -> big fucking hammer. nene -> laser sniper. akito -> serraded knives. touya -> thats a secret ;)

TBH touya is an interesting chara in this au very mysterious very funky. he is super powerful but doesnt have full control over his powers yet. i will leave it at that. augh.

they have to fight off the forces that are created from the build up of negative feelings drawn from sekais that are able to phase into the real world. these said feelings are ones that have gone haywire and all. for the most part the team can use their cellphones to detect these. monsters. and fight them. they typically arent seen by the normal eye but there are some who are so powerful that can override that.

overall this au diverges from canon and theres a handful of things drawn from said canon that ive altered for the sake of this au making sense but. its my silly au i get to make the silly rules and it means so much to me aaadhjksaaaaaaa

there is also a pkmn au that keeps going in and out of my head. and my bf and i created a team for touya. milotic, miraidon, ceruledge, lucario, corviknight, decidueye. this au doesnt have a lot to it as of rn but also. emu with tinkaton. its so necessary. that mon is Meant for emu. oh yeah and akito has amarouge to compliment touya. hehe. yeas.

i have. more aus. but theyre not super developed enough for me to talk extensively abt them but they sure exist in my head.

PLEASE do continue to pick at my brain for the magical girl au tho i love that one so badly hfusjkd

[system-of-a-feather]

5 and 16 from the fusion ask game

5 Riku already answered

16) Have you had a fusion that you weren't consciously aware of until later?

Most of mine tbh. Rayku was a fusions between two parts that occured before we had much of a grasp on DID so thats a cluttered mess that I just summarize as Rayku and then the Rayku x XIV 1.0 was a fat meme cause I only really connected the dots 3 months after it probably initiated and around when it clearly solidified - meanwhile the whole time everyone in the system was wondering where the fuck Rayku disappeared off to (that part didnt front frequently so it wasn't entirely odd for him to be AWOL so everyone was passively confused)

I forget WHEN it clicked, all I remember is me double taking over something that had me reflect on my sense of self cause then I went "WAIT A MINUTE IM RAYKU??"

(its probably the era of Ray adopting me as his bastard son and student, cause Rayku was at least half an introject into thr subsystem of Ray and there being jokes about me - XIV 2.0 - maturing and becoming a mini Ray)

Then while clowning on the conspiracy Riku and I turned to our Little Gatekeeper to ask for feedback on my suspicion to which she said, and I paraphrase only slightly "Oh I put Rayku into the meat grinder and fed him to you in a burger" (referencing Kingman 2) and she refused to elaborate so we just went "ok seems legit" and just never really asked for any elaboration since cause we really didnt care the details and asking the details from her is pointless

Main take away was that we knew where Rayku was and maybe she had something to do with it, maybe not ' either way, the fusion really served to make me a lot more controlled and a lot less explosive so no one complained. Plus tbh Rayku was a really botched maladaptive romanticization of Ray that was really dumb about how he helped the subsystem so the two dumbasses managed to fuse in a way that they minimized eachothers dumbassery

In hindsight, the period in which Rayku was causing more issues than he was fixing and the period when XIV 1.0 realized the system was genuinely an ally and not an enemy were around the same time so I think our brain kust said "huh a part at a place to step up to a new and more productive engagement and a part that is now dysfunctional and doing the opposite of the intended purpose due to improved life standards" and said "cool lets let A eat B and take up the role as a 2.0 version"

And yeah I also do only refer to fusions as me eating a part, its my preferred terminology 😂

TLDR: Im like one fourth an introject of my adoptivr system Dad / Coach and am technically "literally him"

PS: Riku 1.0 was such a mess that clung to how organized Ray was and how much he saved us at the time that they had an unhealthy internal dependence that they internally cloned him into our subsystem (which to be fair, they were probably only that distressed cause we couldnt find a subsystem gatekeeper and I - as XIV 1.0 - was actively terrorizing them to try to kick them out of host and take over 😂)

PS 2: in short yes, and honestly I only can talk about fusion in terms of before, after, and hypothetically when it wad occuring

-XIV

[vermanaward]

6.4 thoughts: msq + panda

msq

felt a bit like wheel spinning tbh. a lot of back and forth building up to a whole lot of nothing reveals. 'capitalism saves the day part n: garlemald edition' was very zzz. we had this exact same plotline with the ala mhigan refugees subsisting on charity and this being bad for them because only capitalism can give your life meaning or something. brainworms, man. at least i didnt have to be polite to lolorito this time ig.

i did msq before panda only bc i was killing time before my static got their asses online and fourchy getting sulky because i'd left a nightmare in his basement made me smile.

dungeon is neat. music is nice, scenery is pretty, bosses are fast paced and have interesting mechs. gear i think is eden + deepshadow.

the 'zero ran into golbez and dude currently cosplaying golbez back in the day' reveal was obvious as soon as her first exposition came up (even if i didnt call current golbez being the blonde dude right away). personally i would have seeded that reveal earlier but that's me assuming people i write for would pay attention. i've been working for a while on the assumption that the flood of darkness was caused somehow by zodiark's shard being released (maybe that was iggy's bright idea for the rejoining, even; unleash the fragment of her god that was stuck in the shard, only for it to go extremely pete tong). i wish we'd spent more time in 13th!lamentorum. been able to explore a ruined watcher's hangout and find records of how shit went tits up here. voidsent lopporits. pls.

i did like zero's character growth though. figuring out what trust is. what a friend is. [zero voice] 'the wol is friend shaped' /sage nod

yshtola's assumption that the death of the partially rejoined zodiark would have dissipated the rest of his shards though felt like. why would you ever assume that. like when ardbert died that didnt kill the wol. ??? lady you are making no sense

as much as im glad we didnt get a full rehash of iv with golbez being mind controlled by zeromus etc it's still. kind boring that he's a souped up voidsent. golbez being teased with endcaller in the pll feels more like a bait/switch. i still want zodiark (savage) (or dog forbid zodiark (ultimate)) but unless 6.5 seriously pulls the rug out im not expecting much.

normal trial is a lot of fun. took me i think 4 or 5 pulls at like 1am? which you dont often see a normal trial which takes multiple pulls. most people were first time ofc but. the ex should be fun. much improved over rubicante but. low bar etc. music is pretty pog, its more a fantasia on ff4 themes than Yet Another Four Fiends Rearrangement. weapons are all pretty nice too.

panda tier 3

athena came in swinging a steel chair and i love herfor it. mad scientist mothwoman wife. didnt call hermione simping for her but honestly same. i enjoyed that eric told her to fuck all the way off.

athena: you're useless. >'( eric: yeah, and who literally just admitted to deliberately making me that way!!! >(

love that man. deserves much better parents than he got stuck with.

bananabread being bananabread is simultaneously the most boring and narratively satisfying option. to begin with i was like 'im not 100% you're that scenery chewing nutjob i know and meme on' but then he re-embraced his id and im just. okay nm yeah you're him, 100%

part of me is disappionted we never got to Say The Line to lid and part of me is kind a relieved they didnt go there.

the heart of sabik kinda came out of fucking nowhere, did nothing, and then fucked off. confirmed for a shard of the high seraph, i guess. when the scientist guy was holding it at my wol at the end all i could think is that it would be taking every ounce of her self control not to snatch it out of his hand and run off giggling like a gremlin. gib ultima plx.

(something something if athena/bananabread/eric/lid are them but made from memories stamped onto a soul, then... not to be a fraywol shipper on main, but....)

fights were fun. arenas are all gorgeous. p9's music is... weird but either it will grow on me or i'll just listen to something else. p10 and p12 do some cool things with the arenas. p11 manages to avoid being Seat Of Sacrifice... 2! but ig we'll see how savage shakes out. p12 i'm hype for phase 2 just bc Ultima's Perfection (Endwalker).

gear i am aggressively meh about most of the armour but the weapons are all v nice.

[raven]

I’m not trying to get you crucified here but tbh I would love to hear your locked tomb criticisms and feel validated in mine

So like im not a professional hater for it bc i simply didnt like it and i only make well thought out analyses if i enjoy the thing a lot for whatever reason and to me tlt is more of a whimper than a bang. so this isnt the most well thought out & its been a year or maybe 2 since i read it. but lets go. i read the first 2 books & not nona the ninth btw, and i enjoyed gideon for the most part due to I Love Murder Mysteries. but once its no longer a murder mystery(& confined to one location) i felt like the whole thing fell apart. (That being said i will suffer through a LOT for a murder mystery) harrow the ninth was like.. confusing and i know thats the point but it couldnt carry itself well enough. like i like confusing narratives i like nonsense and i like it when it doesnt make sense. but it just like. wasnt.. good? i really cant elaborate without rereading and i dont really want to. Also it was very predictable which, how can u be confusing and predictable, idk, ask harrow the ninth

so like anyways the writing is pretty annoying. i cant say its bad writing because it's competent enough but it's like oh my god you referenced this meme from 2016 tumblr you are SO. FUNNY. like i felt like as soon as i would be like "ok this is real im getting into it" someone would drop the dumbest line in the entire world that was a reference to an outdated meme. (I wish i took notes in my book to give you an example but like... you know exactly what im talking about if you've read any of it lmfao) people are like "gideon is just annoying" and yeah, she really was, but her narration in the first book had much fewer meme references and it was therefore sooo much more tolerable imo. Like harrow was genuinely SO bad for it. but both books i read felt very very juvenile. like people will be like "it is NOT ya" but then why does it feel like ya. like ya isnt just subject matter, i would argue that the defining feature in all the ya i read as a teen was in its tone and style. and tlt totally has a similar tone. in an annoying way. like "oh funny and relatable" but like due to everyone talking like a 17 year old from tumblr.com in the year 2015 it was not like, atmospheric at all. and a lot of harrow the ninth is about The Vibe. And the vibe was not coming across well. it just completely prevented me from feeling like i was in another world in like, any way. and this is a pretty fantastical setting..

and now we move on to the fandom of it all. i saw a really good post a few days ago that i did not reblog or save but it was criticizing how ianthe specifically was written like, intentionally playing into fandom troping and it genuinely shows so hard and it's really annoying. like. ok. so i told my friend that ianthe was just discount nanami from utena. and they were like "that is not true because ianthe is a discount homestuck character, also how dare you say that about nanami." (Idk anything about homestuck so i cant tell you any more there) but isnt that crazy. she is a knock off of many. anyways so like her whole purpose is to i dont know. fuck things up in an incredibly non threatening manner? like she was not necessary but its like Omg #Failgirl! god i wish i could find the post because i am not putting it into words

i also generally found the relationships and characters to be pretty uncompelling. like i didnt really care about gideon and harrow it was like woah they like each other now. wasnt really feelin it. i know a lot of people like it and thats fine though. the characters i liked the best were camilla and palamedes and then they dropped the bomb that palamedes was a heterosexual and i was genuinely so upset. like the man had fag vibes. "Oh he could be bisexual" the thing is that he wasnt though. soooooo. this is like so unimportant but i really did feel very betrayed. bc like gay people exist in the series. and not him..? fuck off

Ok thats all for now good bye if anyone want me to reread the books and take notes and critique for real give me money i would do it and i would be so thorough. but i know i dont do these things often so you cant really trust my analysis skills so thats fine. anyways. yeah. um anon if you have thoughts on the books let me know i love to read them tbh. sorry this post is so long i am on my cell phone and i feel like it doesnt deserve a read more. sorry

[just-some-random-blogger]

hellow sweetheart!! good morning, day, evening and every moment of a day!

'me and you' who is the lizard?..

'i was eating donuts but now im hungry again' my hungry baby TT bon appetit 'im going to get water' MORE WATER!

'Like I think she says Забери меня then' probably? also ig youre listening on spotify and it has the lyrics? does it have translations?.

'like the songs I used to listen to way deep in my emo phase' it is TT i remember listening to in during the noone understands me and im so sad thus so special. lots of teens here do the same so.. it is.

'I LOVE THIS SONG SO MUCH ITS ON MY SPOTIFY' oooh im glad it made you feel this way. check her (its actually a band but idk if that man even opens his mouth) other songs? lots of them have this vibe.

'I KNOW THAT but also I don’t' hahsja cute. давай actually means give (not the first form though) but also. it means lets [..] (e.g. lets go, lets do) or (it doesnt make actual sense in english so the most accurate translation is) go ahead. didnt you see the translation?.. 'there was a bad word somewhere there and I was right!' HAHDJSHHD i mean.. its cute how determined you were but there no bad words. i never read the whole translation that i sent you. thus i was SO confused bc there no bad words in the song. 'fuck up' is the harsh version? the word used in the song облажаешься is civil and can be translated as screw up, mess up. i did replay this song multiple times and reread the lyrics and was so very confused TT 'But I cant determine which word it is. But I heard it be said' it was an imagination trick. 'i think it would be… blyat?' would u be surprised if i said it is not hghahf. also id say it is more blyat' but nvm. also?? why hed use it?? i mean?? dont you have curse words?...

'like something was being chewed slowly' is it an insult?... tbh i dont like демоны... ig the chorus is the most questionable part for me? i dont like how they sound so... like the modern version of the nerves (suicide of my faith). so emo and pop and all. but i do have a fav song of theirs, Три дня дождя - Перезаряжай. u can also find it in spoty ig

'Are you sure Улицы ждали is the one with the annoying tempo and not Жанна д’Арк' im pretty used to the singers way of singing (DOES IT MAKE SENSE), she uses this trick a lot. my fav of hers is Луна - самолёты. the translation. and while you can say whats wrong with this, can you say whats wrong with the first one? i cant and thats why i have mixed feelings. (idk if you really understand when i use rus titles TT like yeah you can see but foreign letters r difficult to idk? remember? match?)

'is H an N in russian omg my head' HAJDHJ yes. everyone is confused at school. 'she has such a sweet and bright voice' she does! shes lovely. but tbh i dont really like this song?.. maybe ive just heard it for too many times but yeah. in the next playlist im gonna show u the other one of hers witch i like more. wait for it TT

'also is России russia?' Россия is the first form. (Rossiya). why?

'i like her lyrics. i love her' ohh cute. yeah shes lovely. i remember her also becoming popular with this very song in like 2018

'ITS LOWER BUT IT KINDA SOUNDS LIKE IT' NO TT i think this hymn has a similar male voice in the background. and also Зло just has some religious vibes?

'im sorry i just cant' dont be sorry they fucked up.

'Я is it ya' it is. 'kind of have a soft d-ish sound' idk if i really got you but no?.. its just ya. only vowel sounds. (like there IS a consonant sound but its not d, nvm it doesnt matter)

'were fucking stupid. he 99999999999% cheated' when i said im not the one to judge i meant it. like my president is... he was the president before i was born... and he still is... he literally made up new law to stay in this position in 2020... and in belarus it was even more of a meme. they also had their president nearly since USSR. and in 2020 or 21 after lots of demonstrations and obvious societys hatred towards him, after the obviously falsified election, he said that he could make up (draw) even a bigger number of those who voted for him (CLOWN EMOJI). so i understand. its not really that simple people can do something (legal) when it comes to these kind of things. these fcking arrogant men with obsession with power... we hate them

'you should try pilates' ill think abt it, thanks for your care1

'WE HAVE CHISMOSA CULTURE' its probably not the same but 1) ig there are people who discuss the others everywhere 2) ig we have something like that? we have a big weighty number of jokes about old women hangin out w/their old besties talking shit about everyone they see. its not your problem, its just them. 'filipinos love to talk about people as a bonding experience' hehe sounds pretty. like really. it sounds awful, but i like discussing others w/my friends... im not straight up insulting person in person but why not... and it is not their problem, it is MINE. so nothing wrong with them and you and anyone whos being discussed. 'there are no serial killers here cause of this' LADHJFJF i want to believe it! but then why your president...

'#1 basically call me short #2 reduce our similiarities to height' its merely a joke TT i even said sorry. 'got connected to a moderator that was im pretty sure a 13 year old boy' HAHDHDJD deserved. at least now i dont have to wait more than needed bc of your 13 yo prick TT SHDJFH its so funny? why they let him be? 'i’ll stick to fanfics' this prick never leaves me be TT

'talk to you about daemon im like TODAY' i dont mind :) can we talk about daemon? tbh i want to talk abt the darkling💀 am i crazy? but can u blame me?

'where he was named heir way before rhaenyra was born' OMG sounds SO exciting!!!! i feel like you maybe wanted me to comment on it or send some thoughts but 1) i wanna sleep rn and dont want to make extra moves 2) ive said abt my dream with dae being heir and his spouse being the smart and calm one. or not? idk if u even wanted this but now u know?

'i ATE DONUTS TODAY' YAY!

'they live in my bedroom ceiling and they party and go jogging' go jogging HDHJAHF but really... sounds dreadful. id have hysteria in your place... ok i think rats r not as bad as insects. but have them literally above you💀💀 im so sorry girl.. also i just like... hope that grandpa is great) but rat💀💀 hope for your renovation and hope youll be good and comfy and all. its good to know abt your house, though!

'you actually also dont know what your height' but i do... i just dont know how to use this fcking system TT im 178 cm thats all i know. why do u (they?) even use it TT its stupid TT

i wanted to share some of my fav songs but i want to sleep (and thats the person who needed to do lots of things today but didnt... disappointed but not surprised). do u know the hatters? its a russian band whos also close friends with little big. theyre so talented TT i love the hatters so much TT i think you may find their music interesting? they use ethnic instruments so it sounds.. like it. 'russian style' was really popular back then (watch the mv!). its pretty but my favs are Только позови, Наружу изнутри, Не услышала, maybe youll find them in spoty or yt but dont worry if you dont want to. it ok. me too TT

so! have a nice day/evening/night! take care2 drink water! love u<з

HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

OMG MY CAT WHEN HE GOT A MOUSE T_T HE JUST SCARED IT TO DEATH AND PLAYED WITH IT fr we had to eventually .... kill the mouse ourselves because T_T bro was made into a toy by jinjin

hellow sweetheart!! good morning, day, evening and every moment of a day!

HELLOOOOOOOOO ITS 10 AM and i helped my grandma chop vegetables. have i ever told you about my problem with the onions? T_T I cry so much when i cut them T_T her fridge doesn't get rid of the onion crying effect even after its been in there for a while, but our fridge WHICH IS SO BIG AND SHINY AND NEW gets rid of all the onion crying effects. i think it was 2 days ago. she made me chop so many TINY FRICKIN ONIONS and i was crying so bad my eyes hurt so bad but then i looked in the mirror and i was like DAMN I STILL LOOK HOT but also my entire face was covered in tears and PAIN. i was like i look like i had a bad break up.

have i told you about taho?

i have this almost every morning T_T its so good and yummy and warm. its.... tofu?????????????????????? HAHAHH its like the white is made really soft soy, then it has tapioca pearls or sago, then the dark brown is called arnibal, which is like a sugary syrup. i think you will love it. i high school there was a taho vendor by our campus and everyday i would buy a cup for myself. now there is a taho vendor that comes to our house/street and sells taho <3 and i love taho <3 also he always says im 'the pretty grandchild' HAHHAHHHHA lol

'me and you' who is the lizard?..

you can be the lizard because youre cold HAHAHAHAH

'i was eating donuts but now im hungry again' my hungry baby TT bon appetit 'im going to get water' MORE WATER!

yes i got more water! but also i would like more donuts now (: but its ok its my sister's birthday today so we're going to buy CAKE!!!! WOW

'Like I think she says Забери меня then' probably? also ig youre listening on spotify and it has the lyrics? does it have translations?.

T_T MY LOVE I AM SO SORRY I JUST ALSHFLASHFASFH I FORGOT TO EXPLAIN WHAT I MEANT WITH THIS ASLHASFDHASDAS I FEEL SO BAD LASHFASLFHSHFSAF I DIDNT MEANT TO JUST SAY

~Like I think she says Забери меня then it goes up half notes to the tonic then she sings the next part~

but i forgot T_T BASICALLY you know the do re mi fa so la ti do? that is called a scale and the syllables you say in that scale are called so-fa syllables. now. the tonic is the home key or the first note in a scale. in our example that is 'do'. if i started with re, (re mi fa so la ti do re) then the tonic would be re.

here it is on a piano. the letters below it is its key degree equivalent, basically do=c, re=d, etc. now so that i have a visual, do going to re is considered a whole step because of the black key between them. re to mi is also a whole step because of the black key between them. but mi and fa is a half step because they dont have a black key between them.

so when i said in Забери меня the melody travels halfstep up to the tonic, she was on la then to the black key then to ti. i actually played it on piano and she actually started on the tonic then went up HAHAAH cos the tonic in her song is actually La LOLL so if that confused you im sorry and if this is still confusing let me just give you a kiss.

'like the songs I used to listen to way deep in my emo phase' it is TT i remember listening to in during the noone understands me and im so sad thus so special. lots of teens here do the same so.. it is.

ASH:LFHASHSA HAHAHHAHH SAME WE ARE SO SAME

'I LOVE THIS SONG SO MUCH ITS ON MY SPOTIFY' oooh im glad it made you feel this way. check her (its actually a band but idk if that man even opens his mouth) other songs? lots of them have this vibe.

I WILL! but not rn HHHAAH

'I KNOW THAT but also I don’t' hahsja cute. давай actually means give (not the first form though) but also. it means lets [..] (e.g. lets go, lets do) or (it doesnt make actual sense in english so the most accurate translation is) go ahead. didnt you see the translation?..

i saw the translation but i was trying to figure it out with the context of other times i heard someone day давай and so i googled what it meant and i was very confused

'there was a bad word somewhere there and I was right!' HAHDJSHHD i mean.. its cute how determined you were but there no bad words. i never read the whole translation that i sent you. thus i was SO confused bc there no bad words in the song. 'fuck up' is the harsh version? the word used in the song облажаешься is civil and can be translated as screw up, mess up. i did replay this song multiple times and reread the lyrics and was so very confused TT 'But I cant determine which word it is. But I heard it be said' it was an imagination trick.

LOL HAHHAHH i see so if its not a bad word, can i say that to elderly people and they wont slap me? cos if i cant i think that counts as a bad word

'i think it would be… blyat?' would u be surprised if i said it is not hghahf. also id say it is more blyat' but nvm. also?? why hed use it?? i mean?? dont you have curse words?...

my older brother is stupid. also he likes russian culture cos ig its memey? idk he like playing online games and likes history and he's just drawn to stuff like that ????? IDK

'like something was being chewed slowly' is it an insult?...

iTS NOT AN INSULT ITS JUST AN OBSERVATION. its what is sounds like to me, at least this song did as its slowed. im sorry if you were offended by that.

tbh i dont like демоны... ig the chorus is the most questionable part for me? i dont like how they sound so... like the modern version of the nerves (suicide of my faith). so emo and pop and all. but i do have a fav song of theirs, Три дня дождя - Перезаряжай. u can also find it in spoty ig

oooh i like this song! very pop punk as well

'Are you sure Улицы ждали is the one with the annoying tempo and not Жанна д’Арк' im pretty used to the singers way of singing (DOES IT MAKE SENSE), she uses this trick a lot. my fav of hers is Луна - самолёты. the translation. and while you can say whats wrong with this, can you say whats wrong with the first one? i cant and thats why i have mixed feelings. (idk if you really understand when i use rus titles TT like yeah you can see but foreign letters r difficult to idk? remember? match?)

idk what's wrong with the first one T_T maybe just a manner of preference T_T AHAHAHH i will listen to this song later i have to get ready for school lol T_T AHHA

'is H an N in russian omg my head' HAJDHJ yes. everyone is confused at school.

HAHHAHHHHAA LOL

'she has such a sweet and bright voice' she does! shes lovely. but tbh i dont really like this song?.. maybe ive just heard it for too many times but yeah. in the next playlist im gonna show u the other one of hers witch i like more. wait for it TT

ok HAHAH its a nice song. but its nothing compared to that evil one HAHAHAHA

'also is России russia?' Россия is the first form. (Rossiya). why?

idk it was in the lyrics so HAHAH

'i like her lyrics. i love her' ohh cute. yeah shes lovely. i remember her also becoming popular with this very song in like 2018

<3 good for her SLAY

'ITS LOWER BUT IT KINDA SOUNDS LIKE IT' NO TT i think this hymn has a similar male voice in the background. and also Зло just has some religious vibes?

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHHHAHA RELIGIOUS VIBES ok whatever im cray

'im sorry i just cant' dont be sorry they fucked up.

ALSFHALSHFASFH AFHT_T OK HAHAHA

'Я is it ya' it is. 'kind of have a soft d-ish sound' idk if i really got you but no?.. its just ya. only vowel sounds. (like there IS a consonant sound but its not d, nvm it doesnt matter)

HAHHAHA OK OK

'were fucking stupid. he 99999999999% cheated' when i said im not the one to judge i meant it. like my president is... he was the president before i was born... and he still is... he literally made up new law to stay in this position in 2020... and in belarus it was even more of a meme. they also had their president nearly since USSR. and in 2020 or 21 after lots of demonstrations and obvious societys hatred towards him, after the obviously falsified election, he said that he could make up (draw) even a bigger number of those who voted for him (CLOWN EMOJI). so i understand. its not really that simple people can do something (legal) when it comes to these kind of things. these fcking arrogant men with obsession with power... we hate them

T_T huhuhuhhuhh my love we should run away together. T_T

'you should try pilates' ill think abt it, thanks for your care1

HAHHAHAHHA <3 LETS GO

'WE HAVE CHISMOSA CULTURE' its probably not the same but 1) ig there are people who discuss the others everywhere 2) ig we have something like that? we have a big weighty number of jokes about old women hangin out w/their old besties talking shit about everyone they see. its not your problem, its just them. 'filipinos love to talk about people as a bonding experience' hehe sounds pretty. like really. it sounds awful, but i like discussing others w/my friends... im not straight up insulting person in person but why not... and it is not their problem, it is MINE. so nothing wrong with them and you and anyone whos being discussed. 'there are no serial killers here cause of this' LADHJFJF i want to believe it! but then why your president...

ASHFLASFHASFHSFHSALFHFLHASLFHASFHASFAHSF YOURE SO RIGHT WHY IS MY PRESIDENT PRESIDENT WITH CHISMOSO CULTURE FUCK also AHAHHA its so funny that you find talking about people as a bonding experience pretty HAHAAH

'#1 basically call me short #2 reduce our similiarities to height' its merely a joke TT i even said sorry.

T_T ok i love you

'got connected to a moderator that was im pretty sure a 13 year old boy' HAHDHDJD deserved. at least now i dont have to wait more than needed bc of your 13 yo prick TT SHDJFH its so funny? why they let him be? 'i’ll stick to fanfics' this prick never leaves me be TT

WHAT I WANT TO WRITE KYLO REN FICS also ive been traumatized by that kid person thing T_T im glad my SUFFERING is funny for you

'talk to you about daemon im like TODAY' i dont mind :) can we talk about daemon? tbh i want to talk abt the darkling💀 am i crazy? but can u blame me?

omg we can talk about the darkling. we can also talk about daemon obviously <3

'where he was named heir way before rhaenyra was born' OMG sounds SO exciting!!!! i feel like you maybe wanted me to comment on it or send some thoughts but 1) i wanna sleep rn and dont want to make extra moves 2) ive said abt my dream with dae being heir and his spouse being the smart and calm one. or not? idk if u even wanted this but now u know?

i dont want you to comment on it per se but i love hearing your comments, i just wanted you to know i had this in mind HAHAH. im down to hear whatever you want to tell me my love

'i ATE DONUTS TODAY' YAY!

<3

'they live in my bedroom ceiling and they party and go jogging' go jogging HDHJAHF but really... sounds dreadful. id have hysteria in your place... ok i think rats r not as bad as insects. but have them literally above you💀💀 im so sorry girl.. also i just like... hope that grandpa is great) but rat💀💀 hope for your renovation and hope youll be good and comfy and all. its good to know abt your house, though!

HAHAHHAH i have some horror stories about my house. how do you feel about hearing scary stuff that happened to my mom and grandma before AHAHAAH. also idk HAHAH ive gotten used to the rats AHAHHAAHAHA

'you actually also dont know what your height' but i do... i just dont know how to use this fcking system TT im 178 cm thats all i know. why do u (they?) even use it TT its stupid TT

idk all i know is a lot of people around me dont know about their height. also ... maybe i dont either [confusion intensifies]

i wanted to share some of my fav songs but i want to sleep (and thats the person who needed to do lots of things today but didnt... disappointed but not surprised). do u know the hatters? its a russian band whos also close friends with little big. theyre so talented TT i love the hatters so much TT i think you may find their music interesting? they use ethnic instruments so it sounds.. like it. 'russian style' was really popular back then (watch the mv!). its pretty but my favs are Только позови, Наружу изнутри, Не услышала, maybe youll find them in spoty or yt but dont worry if you dont want to. it ok. me too TT

i'll listen to these when i get home from school. <3 they sound really interesting. i love it when people use ethnic instruments <3 so underrated. i dont know them but i will listen to them for you <3

so! have a nice day/evening/night! take care2 drink water! love u<з

i love you <3 my head hurts now because of the heat again so im going to shower and go to school. T_T

make good choices and take care of yourself

xxx

[seyvetch]

Fuck Im certaintly not of like completely sound mind rn

The intrusive thoughts (esp self harm) and like anger issues are up and I think Im a bit delusional

Gonna be talking about those things further so if not a fan you should probably not read that and sorry idk how to do the under the line thing on mobile so yeah

Sent a meme into a meme chat themed to the campeign Im playing in DMs discord server related to a topic that was discussed in the vc during the session by the players which I thought was funny and DM was upset with it which is totally fair I wont go into details and gave my character a negative modifier to hit which wont impact the character too much but the whole situation just fucking making me go crazy a bit. Once again I didnt think things through and upset a friend. Once again Im making dumb mistakes and I hate myself so much for this it just makes me want to bang my head at a wall or cut myself or hurt myself in other ways bc intrusive thoughts and bc I feel so fucking pathetic and awful bc no matter what I do I always screw up no matter how much percieved smarts I have in some areas like programming Im still a moron. And then I hear my intrusive thoughts to get angry at my friend for that even tho I know that was fair on his part and that Im overreacting due to being in an unhealthy mindset atm and I hate myself even more for even thinking that.

Thankfully Im able to resist the intrusive thoughts rn Im aware enough for that but I dont think Im clear minded enought to talk with much sense cuz I also think Im a bit delusional rn and I cant articulate my thoughts properly as well.

Anyway I dont blame anyone but myself for this tbh I can recognise that Im in a bad mental state and am overeacting. So yeah if the DM is reading this sorry

I feel a bit better I just needed to vent a bit not to anyone in perticular just write down my thoughts, maybe organise them a bit, better understand what Im feeling and junk.

[cockbiteproductions]

6 and 9

nice

6. Episode of tv or webisode that defined the year for you?

I thought a lot about this question and I’ve narrowed it down to 3 answers which are posted here in experienced order:

Daredevil 1x10 Nelson v. Murdock - i rewatched all of daredevil with my roommate during the quarantine part of the spring semester and had a blast. foggy finds out matt’s secret (being a superhero, his super senses). the Betrayal of it all. the way they show them ugly crying instead of like letting out a single man tear. fuck. “then again, maybe i would. what the hell do i know about matt murdock?” the cutting back and forth between their present day fallout and their meeting and developing friendship. it’s SOOO much it’s like Specifically Crafted for maximum pain and i eat it right up. foggy: are u even really blind? the show: *immediately cuts to a flashback of them meeting and foggy learning that matt is blind* foggy: was anything ever real between us? the show: *cuts to the two of them thick as thieves and making plans to form their law firm together and matt almost revealing his secret*. matt: this city needs me in that mask, foggy. foggy: maybe you’re right. maybe it does. but i don’t. i only ever needed my friend. the show: *cuts to them starting their law firm together.* also the scene where ben is in the hospital with his wife and we see her forget him on screen. ouch. a lot happens in this episode but tbh i just focus on the Friendship Falling Out. it reads even better if you think they’re in love with each other, as i obviously do. man daredevil Hurts.

Star Wars: The Clone Wars 7x12 Victory and Death (series finale) - the panic in rex and ahsoka as they have to get off this LITERAL sinking ship filled with enemies that used to be their brothers, who had just within the week painted their armor, one of the few things they can customize to express themselves, to resemble her, who they know would never willingly turn against them, and a fucking wackjob killer wildcard. the growing tension and cornering is fantastic. when ahsoka takes off rex’s helmet and he cries because he’s facing killing his brothers. the cute droid squad. i’m always a sucker for non-humans. the fact that they had special orders to kill ahsoka, who was no longer a jedi, from palpatine, meaning he thought she was a threat still and she IS. she’s up there with obi-wan in terms of attachments anakin has. the action is truly epic (though i do have to say the maul ahsoka fight was better). the fact that ahsoka and rex didnt just leave the clones there and they dug graves for them. the shot of ahsoka in her cloak in front of all the helmets painted like her face on sticks will be burned into my brain forever. vader coming down to the planet himself much later and finding and igniting one of the sabers he as anakin LITERALLY remade for her. just the image of vader holding a blue lightsaber is going to be the death of me. a literal representation of who he was. it’s too much. it’s too much for me to deal with. i started crying as i was typing this. also when you look closely you can see his eyes through the helmet lens. it hurts man. (possibly) morai flying away as this happens. man, star wars can be good. 

Supernatural 6x20 The Man Who Would Be King - ok so i know the question said year but man has show really defined my like last two months. as for this eps specifically, im predictable is what this says. i like tragedy and unhappy endings. i like gay angel. i like self-aware narration. i like reflection. i like the moment before it all goes wrong. this episode is the literal point of no return for s6 cas and i want to scream. it’s like when anakin cuts off mace windu’s hand. “but cas, youll call right? if you get into real trouble?” “and the worst part was dean, trying so hard to be loyal.” “for a brief moment, i was myself again.” “wonders never cease, they trusted me again.” “of course, i didn’t realize it at the time, but it was all over, right then, just like that.” “the big lie, the winchesters still buy it. the good cas, the righteous cas, and long as they still believe it, you get to believe it.” “it sounds so simple when you say it like that. where were you when i needed to hear it? / i was there. where were you?” “you know the difference between you and me? i know what i am. what are you, castiel? what exactly are you willing to do?” “i believe it’s what you would call a... tragedy from the human perspective... i’m asking you, father, one last time. am i doing the right thing? am i on the right path? you have to tell me. you have to give me a sign, because if you don’t... i’m gonna do whatever i... whatever i must.” like are you kidding me. not to talk about star wars even more but like. when rots novel said “the blurred line between our best and our worst” hhhhh. this makes me crave a 150k fic from cas’ perspective in season 6 where we see all the terrible things he’s doing for his well intentioned plan and how he keeps digging himself in deeper and deeper until it’s too late. and if i had the skill and time i would write it. alas.

runner ups: billions 5x05 contract (the epic lows of hearing taylor say they wanted to fire winston, the epic highs of 4d chess theory. the shitpost memes i immediately made. did not make the list as i made it a requirement that i actually enjoy the content in my winners list). supernatural 15x18 despair (lost out to man who would be king because i Care Cas, but i will never get over cas going out the way he came into this show; calling dean OUT on his bullshit).

9. Best month for you this year?

bro who can even remember the months. ok i just looked at my calendar and i guess i’ll say may. i finished up my spring semester the week before. clone wars finale aired then and billions season 5 started airing which was a “fun” time. had a job. things were alright.

[jus-tea]

Going to explain a little about the Miss Rhona lyrics, what inspired different aspects etc, as I’ve seen a lot of people speculating over it, and coming up with their own ideas (which I fully support!) but for those who are curious...

1st Stanza

“Daddy’s at the food store” So, when this was written, myself, my partner, and seemingly everyone was spending so much time going from supermarket to supermarket trying to find the basics, the essentials. Pasta, flour, sugar etc were sold out seemingly everywhere. The weekend just before this was written he’d lined up for half an hour before Costco opened to ensure he acquired some toilet paper- which seemed impossible to get ANYWHERE. I had colleagues who sent their adult children to shops everyday (they couldn’t cause they were at work) to try to find toilet paper somewhere. We ran out at work, and ended up with tissues. People, generally, were spending so much more time trying to find essentials at supermarkets. It’s not nearly as bad now, but just over a month ago when I wrote this it felt like a big issue. Also, “food store”?! NO ONE HAS CALLED ME OUT ON THIS which I find so weird because no one actually says, “food store”?! What a weird expression! So why did I use it? Well! Initially I thought “cost-co” but didn’t use it because I wanted the rhyme to appeal more universally. And we only got a Costco in my city a few years ago and I know plenty of places in the world don’t have one so... I thought maybe supermarket? But thought maybe they didn’t call them that in other countries- market? Market sounded so strange as it’s really only fresh fruit and veggies we get in our local markets here (in my part of the world) and didnt fit with the image I was trying to create and besides all our markets were cancelled as they were too crowded.. so “food store” was initially just a place-hold. I still can’t believe literally no one has said “hey wtf is up with “food store? No one says that” but there you go. It’s in literally every version ive seen as that so... that’s what it is now. So, that line about the food store and collated with the next line, “mummy’s our of town- she’s working at the hospital” was based on news articles I’d read about doctors having to isolate themselves from their families by sleeping either at hospital or in their garage. People who couldn’t see their kids for ages, it was really sad! And then combining these lines, it’s about how these little kids for the first time really are sometimes being left home alone because their parents have stuff they *have* to do; get food or work, and lots of kids these days don’t get left home alone anymore, it was common when I was little but not for a long time! But seemingly suddenly with this pandemic it’s happening again. And I hadn’t seen that talked about but I was seeing glimpses of it and it, felt weird? I guess? So that made for the perfect beginning to a covid19 nursery rhyme- a kid getting left home alone a lot and not being really sure how to respond to that.

So, with the hide away lines, there’s 3 stanzas and in each miss Rhona gets closer. The first one is she’s “come to town”. Now I remember that feeling on that day learning that the first coronavirus case had occurred in my city. Up until then there was a bit of a sense of dread, like you knew it was everywhere else, then in the news it got closer and closer, with cases in small country towns nearby. But when it got to my city it was suddenly so real. And that’s where the story starts because Miss Rhona was HERE. She arrived in the kid’s town. The line, “she’s come to take us down” is another way of saying “she’s going to get you” and also links to the final line which reveals her success “she took us down/she’s brought us down”.

2nd stanza

So, she goes from being in town to being “at the doorstep” which represents getting closer- being in those people the child might interact with everyday- and imagined more literally in the postal worker delivering a package (actually ON the doorstep) or food delivery or anyone who they’d still have close contact with. But “I’ll keep 6 feet away” is a self reassurance that if they just do the right thing and keep their distance everything will be ok. But then the conflict! Grandma needs toilet paper, EVERYONE needs toilet paper and no one can get it anywhere! No doubt the dad is our trying to find some more while he’s at the “food store”. And I was thinking... my children’s grandmother lives in a different state to us but if we were in the same one you can bet your life id be out dropping essentials at her doorstep whenever I could- tp included. (Although, tbh the tp issue didn’t seem as bad in her state from what she told me) so in this bit I guess I imagined myself as the child because that would be something important to me, to make sure my elders had their essentials. Idk I tried to help where I could, got baby wipes when I found it for a friend with a newborn, stuff like that. So the conflict is the child’s sense of responsibility ensuring their grandmother has what she needs, while also knowing that the coronavirus, Miss Rhona, could reside in anyone they meet along the way. Kind of like a little red riding hood situation linking the dangers of strangers. So they open the door due to this sense of responsibility and, oh no, Miss Rhona was at the doorstep, remember? Now the child has it too; “Miss Rhona’s come to stay” IN THE CHILD. This line was to use the imagery of Miss Rhona coming to stay with the child at their house, like an aunt might come to visit for the weekend, but symbolises the virus coming to live within the child, they’ve caught it now, which is why they definitely, “can’t come out to play”.

Stanza 3

“But grandma needs the paper” that’s where the conflict arises again- the child’s sense of responsibility, maybe guilt even? Overshadowing their understanding of just how serious the virus would be should their grandmother catch it. They’re just a kid remember? They don’t understand. So they take her some anyway, everyone needs toilet paper! Also, I know that phrasing it as such misleads the listener to think about a newspaper. Thats how we talk, “I’ll get the paper!” My dad says ... often. But, 2 things, it rolls off the tongue easier than “grandma needs toilet paper” which would’ve messed up the rhythm anyway, and also, for anyone who’s lived it you would automatically know about the “great toilet paper shortage of 2020” 😅 there were so many memes about it and it was funny that everyone was obsessed with it but if you were one of those people who genuinely really couldn’t find any- and there were lots!- then it kind of sucked. And that’s a memory that’ll stick with you 🙈

So. The note. “And here’s a note from Rhona she wanted me to say” imagine the child at the grandmas doorstep, she’s bringing her tp (that’s nice) but the child is infected, and hands grandma a note. I imagined like a little filed up piece of paper in their back pocket they take out and hand over, to pass on the message from their aunt living in their house. As kids would do- what teacher hasn’t given their student a note and said “go tell mr x such and such” and the note is a reminder of what to say. But the note they hand over is also a metaphor. It symbolises contact between the grandmother and grandchild, and as grandma took it, she caught the virus too. And the note reads,

“Hide away, hide away, keep 6 feet away”

Which is that line repeated all the way through the rhyme. In the end, it’s what Miss Rhona was saying all along. Hide away children...

And the final line is a throwback to near the beginning, “she took us down” because earlier remember she came to “take us down” but now it’s happened and we’re in past tense. She did it. She took down the grandma, and possibly the child too, although I left that as ambiguous. To be taken down here is the symbol for death, of course. It’s pretty grim. But that was the point i suppose.

And that’s where it ends. Anything after that, while I’ve seen some adaptations made which sound really cool, doesn’t really make sense with the story, because they died in that moment. And continuing on after that seems a bit overkill, because I gues, perhaps symbolically at least, who would be able to continue singing the rhyme once they had already died?

But having said that, it’s still nice to see people get exited about it and want to contribute more lyrics too. Making up stories, songs, games, art in general, it’s a way we’ve found to cope i think? Like dark and morbid stories are a part of our culture because we respond to them. Lessons, feelings, etc. people far more articulate than I have explained before...

So. That’s Miss Rhona. This explanation was written really roughly and I apologise for that, but you get the gist. I strongly recommend for anyone who hasn’t already to check out the #miss Rhona recordings hashtag on my blog, because some of these melodies people have put to it are really beyond words. Dreamy, haunting. Peaceful. Childlike. Much more than the original chant-like skipping rhyme I originally envisaged.

Thanks for reading this far... please be safe and look after your grandmothers ❤️

[penny-anna]

@abluescarfonwaston​ as I said I got like 4 stars for this meme and no specific requests, so I’m just going to talk at length about the fic I have the most to say about, which is sandstorms and hazy dawns

hooray!!

She comes to him in the night, breath hot against his ear, and says, “can we keep them?”

This opening scene takes place between the 2nd and 3rd scenes of the story... this is probably needlessly confusing as the rest of the story is in chronological order but, this is where I wanted to start & I can do what I want.

“No,” he says.

He feels her weight shift as she lies down beside him. “Why not?”

“You know why.”

She noses at his neck, at the side of his head, nuzzling him. He feels the beginnings of a purr down in her chest, feels it in her and inside himself. “I like them.”

He touches her head, burying his fingers in her coarse fur the way he hasn’t for years. It’s been a long time, since they were as close as this. When they are together she sleeps an arm’s length from him. For days at a time they’re apart. He knows her only as a flash of white on the edge of his vision, a scent in the air. She wanders for miles, for weeks, following her own path, and he sees her not at all.

so let’s talk about the break up!!

Geralt & Dag used to have a more ‘normal’ person + separated daemon relationship (like most witchers), in which they would only split up for long periods out of practical necessity. they broke up for several years following events in blaviken. here is my extremely rough rendering of how that went

geralt: why you let this happen. you’re supposed to be my conscience :(

dag: umm how is this my fault? you asshole?

geralt: fuck off

dag: fine i will!! *fucks off*

geralt: wait no i didnt mean it :(

i have no intention of ever writing this scene as i don’t think i could do it justice. in my head he also throws a rock at her tho. bcos he’s an angry boy & an asshole.

however!! the strain in their relationship would not have started there. when i was writing this fic i was imagining that the fact of being separated would in itself put a strain on any person/daemon relationship, which i felt was implied by the HDM books. & then since writing it I read The Secret Commonwealth which more or less confirms that separating does just cause people’s relationships with their daemons to break down sometimes.

I think I said this in another post but, I imagine that the newly acquired ability to have separate experiences would make them more and more able to seriously disagree on things. and physically separating for long periods (even if only for practical reasons) would force them to get better at functioning alone which could in turn make them more and more emotionally distant from each other.

He scratches at the join of her neck and jaw, and that purr grows, long and deep and contented. She lays her head down beside his, and he holds her. He’s aware of her tail flicking, restless. She’ll be awake a while yet and so will she. They always sleep and wake at the same times, no matter how many miles separate them.

Geralt loves her, his lion, his dæmon. He loves her with every fibre of his being. He loves her strength, her grace. He loves that she can take any shape she pleases, be a bird or a fish or a snake when the moment calls for it. He loves the distance she can walk from him. He would not have her any other way. He cannot imagine her any other way.

i was always going to have witchers w separating daemons for this fic. however i got talked into the idea of witchers w mutable daemons by someone in a witcher discord I’m in... whoever you are I have forgotten your tumblr so can’t credit you for your idea properly sorry!!

i was originally reluctant bcos it seemed to me that mutable daemons implied innocence & youthfulness, which is kind of at odds with how witchers seem to be perceived. however following the above discord conversation i realised it can also imply 1) that witchers don’t really have ‘fixed’ personalities, which ties in with their supposedly not having feelings; 2) ‘innocence’ but in a negative way, in the sense of immaturity & not having a properly developed mind and sense of morality. 

obviously none of the above is actually true and witcher daemons are just shapeshifting adult daemons but, that is how people perceive it.

additionally, given how superpowered witchers are it seemed to fit that they would have found a way around all the weaknesses that having a daemon bring.

He knows that she loves him too. He understand why sometimes she despises him. He has cursed her, with his words and his thoughts, and she hates him for it. She has left him alone, and he hates her for it.

They say witchers feel nothing and they are not wrong. It doesn’t pain him when they are apart. He hasn’t felt that pain since he was a child. He barely remembers what it feels like.

She stops purring. Her breath puffs against his skin. “Stop thinking so hard,” she says. “Go to sleep.” Her tail has stopped twitching. “Go to sleep.”

*

“I think you and I might have got off on the wrong foot – as they say.”

this scene is supposed to take place offscreen shortly following the gutpunch haha

“White hair – no visible dæmon – two very – very scary looking swords – I know who you are.”

I don’t like when daemon fics recap entire scenes w the addition of daemons but I wanted to get this 1 change in so. here it is in a brief flashback. i elected to take out ‘big old loner’ bcos 1) listing 3 things is neater 2) I felt that not having a visible daemon would be a more notable characteristic for jaskier to point out.

not having a visible daemon is not necessarily a ‘tell’ that someone is a witcher or part of another demographic that can separate as people’s daemons are just out of sight sometimes.

It had surprised him, the ease with which that word visible had tripped off the bard’s tongue; that unhesitating acknowledgement that just because he couldn’t see something did not mean it didn’t exist.

He says, “hm.”

“Aren’t you going to ask my name?”

“No,” he says.”

“You can call me Jaskier,” says the bard. With a jerk of his shoulder he indicates the songbird-dæmon perched atop his lute. “This is Tansy.” The dæmon peeps a greeting. Receiving no response the bard goes on, “she’s a nightingale which I think is very sexy of her. You know,” he adds. “Because I’m a singer. And she’s a – a songbird.”

i realised while i was writing this that jaskier never actually introduces himself on screen. which seems like an oversight on the part of the writers tbh. means we can do what we want tho.

as i said in the a/n on the fic itself, I got the idea of giving Jaskier a nightingale daemon from two halves of a whole. usually I try and avoid just straight up copying other people’s form ideas but i just. fell in love with nightingale.

other forms I’ve seen for jaskier seem to tend VERY strongly towards birds which I find interesting! i’ve think I’ve seen maybe 1 daemon fic where he doesn’t have a bird daemon.

moving on to the name! this is tansy:

I do intend to get into this in potential future installments of the series, but Tansy is not her birth name (none of the main daemons in this AU use their birth names, completely independently of each other). she started going by Tansy relatively young and when he later changed his to match.

I think Jaskier settled relatively young - maybe 2 years before the time this fic is set - and being the overdramatic little punk he is hasn’t quite got over the ‘have i mentioned how cool my daemon’s settled form is today’ phase yet.

& finally before moving on, p much the first thing we learn about Jaskier & Tansy is that he is very happy and at ease with her and the form that she takes. this is important.

He grunts an acknowledgement – if only to get the bard to stop explaining.

“You’re not the best conversationalist, are you?”

A sudden tension, inside his chest. She’s close. He looks up and there she is, slipping into view on the clifftop.

“It’s just usually when you have a conversation you take it in turns to speak,” says the bard. “Rather than one person doing all the – oh.”

Dag makes her way down the ragged cliff, leaping from perch to perch in languid motions till her white paws touch the earth and she’s beside him. Stooping Geralt runs his hand over her head in greeting. Her eyes narrow.

this is another thing I have mentioned Elsewhere but i did fall in love w geralt’s daemon’s name in two halves of a whole (linked above) and went looking for something which had a similar feel to it. sorry.

i’m aware that Dag is technically a man’s name but given the kind of, inherent gender-bending nature of opposite sex daemons it seemed appropriate.

i confess i was also thinking of the dag in fury road.

seen a lot more variety in daemon forms for Geralt than jaskier! most common choices seem to be 1) wolf and 2) roach is his daemon. I’m really not into ‘existing animal companion as daemon’ bcos I’m firmly in the camp of ‘daemons as a manifestation of a person’s inner voice’ rather than ‘daemons as Companions’ so I can’t get behind daemon!roach (I actually find it actively offputting gfdlkjfskdh)

wolf is a p good fit imo but I find it a bit on the nose and I wanted to do something different. so. he is a giant kitty cat. & as someone (I forget who sorry) correctly identified she is leucistic rather than albino.

white mountain lions do exist but best as i can tell there’s like 1 photo on the entire internet. bummer.

He’s aware of the restlessly silent presence of the bard behind them shifting his weight, his dæmon fluttering about his head, aware perhaps that he’s intruding on something intimate.

Geralt straightens, and the bard takes that as his cue to begin again. He clears his throat and says, “what can I call her?”

It’s been a long time, since anyone has asked for her name so brazenly; in fact he isn’t sure anyone ever has. Geralt shoots the bard a look.

“Well, you must call her something,” he says, unintimidated.

“I do,” says Geralt. “You don’t.”

The nightingale-dæmon, now resting upon her bard’s shoulder, is eying Dag curiously, but she’s cautious enough not to approach.

one thing I’ve noticed when re-reading HDM is that characters very rarely refer to other people’s daemons by names, even when they know them. generally i’ve loosely kept to this in my own daemon AUs bcos 1) i find that when fics us each daemon’s name every time i get a bit lost as to whose daemon is whose and 2) I like the idea that using someone else’s daemon name is a very hm. intimate thing. hence geralt is reluctant to call tansy by her name, even though he knows it.

“Right,” says the bard. “Well, then.”

*

Come morning, Dag is gone, but not gone far. Out of sight, but not so far away he can’t feel her. She’ll come back when it pleases her.

He readies Roach for the path ahead, half-listening to the lilt of conversation that carries from the bushes; Jaskier’s voice, and the pretty voice of his dæmon.

The bard stumbles out into view, tousled and bleary from a night on the ground. “G’morning.” He ambles over to join Geralt.

i genuinely wanted to specify here that jaskier was having a piss in the bushes but i couldn’t find a way to get it in that didn’t seem kind of tasteless. that is what is happening here tho.

“What will it take to get rid of you?” says Geralt.

“My, someone woke up on the wrong side of the – ground,” says Jaskier. “More than yesterday. Where are we off to next?” He puts his hand on Roach’s saddle. Geralt swats it away.

“I’m going north,” he says. “You go wherever you want.”

“Maybe I want to go with you,” says Jaskier. In a flutter of wings his dæmon comes to rest on the pommel of Roach’s saddle, and he can’t shoo her away. He wouldn’t dare put his hands near her.

They say of witchers that they have no souls. They say their dæmons are something else, something monstrous. They say they have no respect for the great taboo. When they see him mothers’ dæmons snatch their children away.

“You don’t,” says Geralt.

“You sound awfully sure,” says Jaskier.

You don’t know what you’re asking for, Geralt wants to say. He doesn’t know how to say it in a way the bard would understand. He glowers at the nightingale-dæmon until she takes the hint and flies back to Jaskier’s shoulder.

He feels Dag before he hears her, the padding of her feet on the ground as she emerges from the bushes, the soft sound of her breathing.

Jaskier nudges him. “You don’t fool me,” he says. “You’re a big pussycat really. Don’t think I didn’t hear her purring all last night.”

did u know that mountain lions are the largest cat than can purr! here is a video of one purring. it’s very cute but also a little scary.

“You’re imagining things,” says Geralt.

“I absolutely am not,” says Jaskier. “She was practically shaking the ground.”

At that Dag actually laughs, a short and bubbling laugh of real amusement. Geralt shoots her a look. Jaskier is looking at her too, looking at her curiously, startled by this, the first human sound he’s heard her make.

Looking away from them Dag stretches out on the ground, lounging as if she has nowhere to be. Jaskier tears his eyes away from her and says, “is she always a lion? It’s just –” His dæmon pecks him hard on the neck. “Ow – it’s just I heard witchers’ dæmons don’t settle.”

He fastens the straps on Roach’s saddle bag, and his hands still. “They aren’t unsettled,” he says. “They’re mutable.”

“I don’t follow,” says Jaskier.

“They settle,” he says. “But they keep the ability to change, after settling.”

“Ah, I see,” says Jaskier, nodding. “But is she –” His dæmon fastens her beak around his ear lobe and tugs. “Ow – ow – alright – there’s no need to be like that,” he mutters to her.

“I’m leaving,” Geralt says. “As I said. Go where you please.”

The bard and his dæmon follow him north.

*

Chimney smoke rises down in the valley. He doesn’t know the name of the town.

Dag is waiting for him, draped in the branches of a tree. She’s been scouting ahead, or perhaps she’s restless, or perhaps both.

She yawns, showing off her teeth. “Did you lose them?”

“You know I didn’t,” says Geralt. He can hear Jaskier’s voice behind them in the woods, and so can she.

Her tail swishes. “Why not?” she says, and he knows at once what she means.

bouncing off what I was saying above re ‘manifestation of a person’s inner voice’. I like taking opportunities to show that a person & their daemon are 2 halves of the same mind.

“You know why,” he says.

“Tell me.”

And she says it in that particular tone, a tone with steel in it, and he has to answer. “He’s soft,” he says. “He’s young. What he’s asking for will break him. He doesn’t understand.”

“Hm,” she says.

“It’s best he realises sooner,” he says.

“You don’t know how soft he is,” she says. “You don’t know him at all.”

“You’ve seen her,” he says. “That’s what he is.”

Tansy is delicate – pretty – fragile. She weighs almost nothing. She comes close by him as few dæmons will and every time he tenses for fear that he might touch her, without meaning to – hurt her – break her.

u know that post about the person whose boyfriend was afraid of holding babies in case he didn’t know his own strength and accidentally hurt them? thats geralt.

Dag’s tail is moving in the air, no longer swishing, flicking in sharp, angry jerks. “We both know that’s not how it works.”

He knows what she’s thinking. It hangs between them, unspoken. Another little bird dæmon they had once known, a pretty, charming robin-dæmon who had melted away like smoke before his eyes.

I’ve only seen 1 daemon fic featuring renfri (and I don’t think it was strictly a conventional daemon au) and it gave her a shrike daemon, which i do think is fitting. however as w wolf for geralt I find it a bit on the nose.

additionally, giving renfri a daemon has the potential to kind of, shift things wrt the ambiguity of her character, so you have a choice to make wrt whether you want to shift it more towards ‘she’s outwardly scary’ or ‘she’s outwardly innocent’ and I went for ‘outwardly innocent’, in part so I could do this specific parallel but also bcos I just preferred that vibe.

i went for european robin bcos it’s a very nice match for renfri’s aesthetic, and 1) I’m a slut for aesthetics and 2) helps to make sure readers will know who this is about.

He might say don’t. Don’t make me think of it. But he doesn’t. This thing has been unspoken between them for so many years. He doesn’t know what will happen if he breaks the silence.

They’ve been on the road for five – almost six weeks. He’s growing used to the chatter and the birdsong. Jaskier hasn’t complained – hasn’t complained much – hasn’t complained as much as he’d expected, not even when his feet bled in his fancy shoes. He’s generous enough to share the coin he gets from playing. Geralt’s had worse travelling companions.

Jaskier blunders out of the trees. “There you are,” he says. “Trying to shake us?”

“Yes,” says Geralt.

Jaskier snorts, as if that’s a joke. He looks out over the valley, the distant strings of smoke hazy in the twilight. “Do you think they have an inn?”

“I don’t care,” says Geralt.

“I want to sleep in a real bed,” says Jaskier. “And I want a bath.”

“I’m not stopping you,” says Geralt.

“It’s going to be freezing tonight,” says Jaskier.

“I’m used to it,” says Geralt.

Jaskier nudges him. “C’mon,” he says. “You could use a bath yourself. I don’t like to say so, but you are a very – unusual smelling person.”

“You’ve said so several times,” says Geralt.

“Have I?” says Jaskier innocently.

“Yes,” says his dæmon.

“So I have,” he says.

“Go and find an inn if you want,” says Geralt. “I’m not stopping you.”

“Stop being ridiculous,” says Jaskier.

“I’m being ridiculous?” says Geralt.

“Yes,” says Jaskier. “Alright, how about this. I’ll buy you a drink.”

“I can buy my own drinks,” says Geralt.

“But I’m offering,” says Jaskier. “A kind and magnanimous offer, out of the goodness of my heart. And also I think it’s going to rain and I want to get in doors, so stop being ridiculous.”

“Hm,” says Geralt.

They go to the inn. It’s begun to rain by the time they reach the town. Tansy hides herself away within Jaskier’s cloak. Dag doesn’t follow them down the valley, preferring to find a dry spot in the woods, preferring to avoid prying eyes.

The inn is crowded with people sheltering from the rain; two more strangers with hidden dæmons don’t get a second look. The rafters are lined with bird-dæmons, safely away from the crowd. Sitting alone in his corner he watches their movements, the beating of their wings. There was a time Dag might have changed her shape and joined them. A space like this is never comfortable for a large dæmon.

reading back over this story I think it’s hm easy to think of Dag as the Emotionally Mature one of them but she’s the one whose making a choice to like... hide from Regular People and has been doing it habitually for a long time, either by changing her form or just leaving him alone. 

Geralt & his daemon do this for a number of reasons I think, in part for practical reasons, but also because he doesn’t want people go be able to get a fix on what kind of person that he is, and on some level wants people to see him and be immediately repulsed by his not having a daemon... this is a self-destructive behaviour that Dag is an active participant in. stop it Dag you’re supposed to be the smart one.

There’s a bard playing, raising his voice to be heard over the crowd. He doesn’t sing as nicely as Jaskier. He’s made a poor choice of song, too, a quiet ballad, one of many about the beauty of the touch.

“Her hand upon my dæmon, the first in my life – it was like roses in the summer and I knew then she’d be my wife –”

1) i hate writing rhyming poetry and i am very bad at it. got away with it this time i hope bcos this is supposed to be kind of trite.

2) this is is what we call Planting. lol.

Jaskier pushes his way through the press back to their table. “As promised,” he says, sliding Geralt a mug of ale. Geralt grunts a thank you.

Jaskier sits, and regards him. Tansy flutters down to perch on the rim of his mug, dipping in her beak. Absently Jaskier strokes her downy back and Geralt tracks the tiny, intimate motion with his eyes. “Is this it, then?” says Jaskier.

one thing I was trying to convey throughout this fic is that spending time with Jaskier & Tansy is the first time Geralt has been around someone who has a Normal relationship with their daemon (as opposed to the ‘it’s complicated’ that geralt & dag have) for a long time and he’s very aware of the contrast. 

“Is this what?” says Geralt.

“Is this how it goes?” says Jaskier. “It’s just that I can’t help but notice there hasn’t been a lot of witchering.”

“That’s not a word,” says Geralt, and takes a draft of ale.

“What?” says Jaskier. “Witchering?” Geralt grunts. “Maybe I’ll put it in a song and get people saying it.”

“Don’t you dare,” says Geralt, and Jaskier laughs a little.

“Really, though,” he says. “Is this it?”

“How many monsters do you think there are in the world?” says Geralt.

“How should I know?” says Jaskier. Still perched on his mug Tansy whistles along with the ballad. A moment later Jaskier’s fingers begin to tap along. “What d’you do when you can’t get any work?”

“I make do,” says Geralt.

“Hmm,” says Jaskier. Sensing he isn’t going to get any meaningful answers – or perhaps just bored – his gaze wanders to the bard. For a few moments he listens quietly. “Have you ever done it?”

“What?” says Geralt.

“You know.” Jaskier ducks his head in the direction of the bard.

“Been a bard?” says Geralt.

“That’s not what I meant and you know it,” says Jaskier, mock-stern.

“No,” says Geralt. “Not like that.”

He’s had another’s hands on his dæmon, more than once. He and Dag have sworn to themselves: never again.

“Hm,” says Jaskier. “No. Me neither.” Again he strokes Tansy, perhaps imagining it.

Tansy is still whistling along with the bard, giving the final notes of the ballad a few extra flourishes, and Geralt catches himself thinking that she and Jaskier would sing it better.

*

“I’ll be having the bath first – if you don’t mind,” says Jaskier.

“Hm,” says Geralt.

“Though don’t think I’m going to let you get away without bathing,” says Jaskier. “I know what you’re like, and, and your aroma is really starting to bother me.”

“Hm!” pipes up Tansy in agreement.

“Find someone else to annoy, then,” says Geralt. He sits on the edge of the bed, still in his armour. Jaskier is meandering about the washstand, unfastening his doublet, restless as ever.

He tosses his doublet onto the bed, and looks Geralt up and down. “You’re not planning on sleeping in that, are you?”

“Maybe,” says Geralt.

“What, do you think the inn’s going to get attacked in the night by – werewolves, or something?” says Jaskier.

“It wouldn’t be the first time,” says Geralt.

“I can never tell when you’re joking,” says Jaskier, and unlacing his undershirt as he goes he wanders behind the screen.

“I don’t joke,” says Geralt.

“See?” Jaskier’s undershirt drapes over the top of the screen. Tansy, perched beside it, tugs at it with her beak, neatening it up. “There you go again.”

one of the biggest (& most underrated imo) challenges when writing a daemon au is characterising daemons... they’ve got to be like, recognisably the same person as the character, but at the same time ideally their own entity with their own personality. i found Dag came quite naturally, probably bcos Geralt is a character who definitely hides a lot of aspects of his personality, but Tansy was harder.

i imagined Tansy being very quiet with people who aren’t Jaskier & also very much the ‘put your clothes away don’t leave them all over the floor’ type of daemon.

Alone – or what passes for alone – Geralt begins to divest himself of his armour.

Jaskier’s trousers appear atop the screen. A moment later there’s a gentle splashing of water. A sigh.

geralt is definitely not thinking about the fact that jaskier is undressing. nope. he is not thinking about the fact that jaskier is naked in the same room as him. this is of no interest to him at all. He Does Not Care.

“This soap smells like pig fat,” he remarks.

“That’s because it’s made of pig fat,” says Geralt.

“Well. Yes,” says Jaskier.

Tansy is looking at him curiously from atop the screen. Caught staring, she opens her wings and drops out of sight to join Jaskier.

“Does Dag not come indoors?” says Jaskier.

“Now and then,” Geralt answers, before he has fully processed what Jaskier said. His hands still on his armour. “When did she tell you her name?”

this is something I do intend to cover in a future fic but I also don’t intend for it to be especially dramatic

“A few weeks ago,” says Jaskier. “I didn’t think much of it. Why? Do you mind?”

“Yes,” says Geralt.

Behind the screen water splashes. “Why on earth would you mind?” says Jaskier. Geralt doesn’t answer. “Well – I suppose that’s another one for the list of things I’ll never understand about you – like your sense of humour, and why you spend hours talking to your horse when you’ve a perfectly good dæmon.”

an extra dimension of geralt talking to his horse in this au is that he is used to having his daemon there.

Rising, Geralt begins setting his armour on the chair. “She isn’t always there,” he says.

“Well, yes, but it’s not as if she goes very far,” says Jaskier.

“Sometimes she does,” says Geralt.

In a sudden fluttering of wings, Tansy reappears atop the screen.

“How far does she go?” says Jaskier.

“As far as she pleases,” says Geralt.

A gentle sloshing of water. Tansy turns on her perch, peering down at her bard, something wordless passing between them. “Does it,” says Jaskier. “I mean, do you – I don’t know how to ask.”

“Spit it out,” says Geralt.

“Can you still feel her?”

“Yes.”

“Does it still hurt?”

“No.”

so this scene is (obvs) a kind of a call back to That One Bath Scene in canon. this is the first time they’ve been hm ‘domestic’ together and it’s a little awkward, especially for geralt, who is not used to it. all of which is in contrast with how comfortable they are around each other later.

& this is the most frank (probably) conversation they have over the course of the entire fic and it happens when they are physically screened from each other. and also jaskier is literally naked while geralt is opening up to him. this is all very notable for obvious reasons I hope.

“I see,” says Jaskier, though Geralt doubts he does. It’s difficult for humans to get their heads around the way he and Dag experience the world. Most aren’t interested in trying.

geralt here actively ignoring the fact that jaskier is making an effort to understand

He hears the water moving, and the padding of Jaskier’s bare feet on the floorboards. His clothes are whisked back down from the screen and half a minute later he emerges, his hair towel-damp. “All yours,” he says.

Geralt sits in the still-warm water, and soaks, and listens as Jaskier putters about on the other side of the screen, getting ready to sleep, listens to the steady back and forth of his conversation with Tansy. He hums, and she whistles along.

uh so if you’re an introvert I imagine you’ve probably had the experience of being Alone and Unobserved for the first time in an uncomfortably long time... i have this experience every day when i leave work fjgksfkgjfg

tansy & jaskier talk p much non-stop when they’re (semi)alone

When at last, the water cold, he ventures out from behind the screen, Jaskier is on the bed, scribbling something down in his little book.

“You can have the bed,” says Geralt. “I’ll sleep on the floor.”

“Don’t be stupid.” Jaskier shifts over towards the wall. “We’ll both fit. I don’t mind if you don’t.” He glances up from his writing. “Though just to warn you, I’m reliably informed that I kick.”

“He does,” says Tansy from the headboard.

The room smells like candle smoke, and pig fat. The scent of the outdoors still clings to them to their clothes, to Jaskier’s hair. He sleeps facing the wall, the warmth of his body pressed to Geralt’s side. Tansy sleeps with her head tucked beneath her wing. Geralt lies awake, listening to Jaskier’s breathing.

geralt is not affected by this situation at all. he is not even a little bit uncomfortably attracted. nope. nuh-uh.

they don’t ever share a bed in the show but i gather it’s a normal thing to do in the books so for the purposes of this fic, this is a thing that it later becomes normal for them to do.

He mumbles now and then in his sleep. And true to his word, he does kick.

*

Morning comes grey, but dry. They eat breakfast in the tavern. Jaskier chatters, about the weather, the food, the song he was writing in the evening. Geralt tunes him out, and lets his eyes roam over the other patrons. His gaze falls on a pair of old men smoking long pipes. They’re looking at him, at the absence beside him, the empty space he occupies. Caught staring they look away.

Jaskier pokes his arm. “Are you listening to me?” he says.

“Hm?” says Geralt.

“I said you’re even more sullen than usual this morning,” says Jaskier. “What’s got into you? Trouble sleeping?”

Geralt turns his attention to his porridge. “You kick.”

“I’m aware,” says Jaskier. “I did warn you. Well, I dare say –”

A woman is approaching their table, purposefully, stoically. Geralt recognises her attitude. Jaskier is savvy enough to guess.

“You’re the witcher?” she says, as if it’s a question. Her dæmon, a large, horned beetle, clings silently to her sleeve.

always hard w daemon AUs to strike a balance between making it clear to the audience that everyone in this world has a daemon & including superfluous information about daemons who aren’t relevant to the story. originally didn’t include this woman’s but then decided I didn’t have enough background daemons.

this is something i actually paid a lot of attention to while reading the secret commonwealth bcos i wanted to see how pullman handles it.

additionally I think insect daemons are under-represented in daemon au fic so I have been trying to get in as many as I can.

“Well, he’s a witcher,” says Jaskier. Geralt nudges him to be quiet.

She says, “my sister has a job for you.”

*

The wind is picking up. The day is getting thin. Ahead, on the hilltop, the dark outline of a hay barn, stark and flat against the grey sky.

He dismounts, and ties Roach to a tree.

“Is Dag not joining us?” says Jaskier.

“She comes and goes as she pleases,” says Geralt.

“What, did you two have an argument or something?” says Jaskier. Geralt grunts. “Did you? About what?”

“You,” says Geralt truthfully, and Jaskier laughs as if he’s made a joke.

Dag is in the air somewhere above them. Irritated with him as she may be, she hasn’t gone far, this time. She’s watching the valley, her keen hawk’s eyes searching for any untoward movement.

He starts to climb the hill. Jaskier makes to follow. Turning Geralt holds up a hand, halting him in his tracks. “Stay with Roach.”

Jaskier adjusts the strap of his lute. “I can handle it.”

“This won’t be pleasant,” says Geralt.

“Honestly,” says Jaskier. “How do you expect me to write about all this if you never let me see anything?”

“I don’t,” says Geralt.

“Anyone would think you didn’t want me to immortalise your deeds in song,” says Jaskier.

“I don’t,” says Geralt.

“It’s stifling to my creativity, not to mention rude,” says Jaskier. “And wholly unjustified. I have a strong stomach.”

Wavering, Geralt glances at Tansy, on Jaskier’s shoulder. She hms in agreement. He drops his hand. “If you’re sure.”

In the doorway of the hay barn Jaskier turns his face away and retches. “Oh gods,” he moans. “Oh heavens. Fuck me –”

“Go and wait with Roach if you want,” says Geralt.

One hand braced against the door frame, the other over his mouth, Jaskier looks at him. He takes his head from his mouth. He shakes his head. Tansy flutters in the doorway, from the shadow to the light, and resolves. She flies into the barn, up, up to the rafters, and there looks down upon the bodies.

This is where they have brought their dead, this most remote outpost of their village, with the spiders and the rats and the dust. They brought the bodies here, a dozen or more of them, and piled them up, meaning to burn them, meaning to burn this lonely place to the ground.

They’re unmarked. The air is thick with the smell of death. The most recent lies near the door, her eyes open, staring up at the roof. She’s young. Her hair is fair. She’s dressed in an apron, as if she’d just stepped out of her kitchen – to the water pump, perhaps – when she was attacked.

One death such as this, two, they’d bury. This many, in as many days, they know what haunts them, and they fear it like nothing else.

“What killed them?” says Tansy from the rafters.

“Hm,” says Geralt. He crouches to look at the dead girl, to be sure there are no marks on her, as the village healer had said. Taking off his gloves, he touches her face, tilting her head towards the light.

why does geralt take off his gloves. bcos later i had a scene where he’s washing his hands and then it was pointed out to me that he normally wears clothes and so wouldn’t need to. shush.

It isn’t his place to interfere with how these people treat their dead; but this isn’t right. There’s nothing to fear here. They are only dead. The danger, the thing that killed them, has passed. There’s nothing to be gained in consigning their dead to this bleak, anonymous fate.

A scuffling, above. Tansy moving on the rafter.

“Geralt?” says Jaskier. “What killed them?”

“Shh.”

Geralt glances up, at Tansy. She’s perched quivering on the rafter. “What is it?” he says.

“Something moved.”

tansy being a very hm fastidious sort of person translates to being quite perceptive

“I didn’t see anything,” says Jaskier.

“You weren’t looking,” says Tansy.

Geralt rises. He reaches for his sword.

The barn reeks of death. In the semi-darkness he had taken it for one of the bodies piled around it. It’s rising now to its feet, its movements stilted, unnatural. You might take it for a lumbering thing, a slow thing you could outrun. You’d be wrong.

Tansy takes flight, flashing in and out of the light from the doorway, and as she does so it begins to move, crawling forward over the piled bodies with the speed of a darting insect, snatching, grasping at the air above it. Jaskier cries out. “Run!” Geralt barks, raising his sword.

this whole scene was hard for a number of reasons... firstly i don’t know a lot about witcher monsters and spent a while trying to find one that fit the kind of scene I wanted before saying ‘fuck it’ and inventing my own

and secondly I don’t know about anyone else but uhh whenever i want a story to include an action scene in my head it’s just like ‘and then a fight happens!!’

+ w this one as well as planning out the fight i had the extra issue of, how it manages to get hold of Tansy which I. hope i explained satisfactorily. 

The sight of silver gives the dæmophage pause. It halts, its eyes wide and staring, its shoulders heaving. It’s a fluid creature and it no longer needs its human disguise. Its limbs stretch, its spine bends at an unnatural angle, its slit nostrils flaring. It has no mouth. It has no need of one. Frost spreads from its fingers, coating its hands and arms, the bodies beneath it, the packed dirt floor.

He’s aware of laboured breathing behind him. He’s aware, suddenly, that Jaskier has not run. He risks a glance over his shoulder and sees him pressed to the far side of the door frame, gripping the wood with one white-knuckled hand. His other hand is held, clenched, to his chest. The colour has drained from his face.

“Run,” Geralt says. “Run!” Still Jaskier doesn’t move, and stepping back, not taking his eyes off the dæmophage, Geralt reaches blindly behind himself, finds Jaskier and shoves him backwards.

He resists, and in that resistance Geralt feels what has happened, feels it before Jaskier lets out a pained sound, before he says, choked, “Tansy.” For it’s not the resistance of one who doesn’t want to go; it’s the resistance of one tethered, of a tied-up dog trying to run from a fire.

The dæmophage is crawling forward again, one-handed. It’s holding something in its other hand, in a hand thick with ice. He can’t see what it is. He knows what it is. “Geralt –” Jaskier wheezes, and whatever he means to say next he can’t find the breath.

There are many vile ways to die, in the world. Few worse than your dæmon becoming meal to a creature like this, the life crushed from it, your soul slowly, torturously drained away.

He takes off the dæmophage’s arm first, the arm that holds Tansy, and its whole body jerks spraying dark blood across the walls, across the bodies. As its severed arm hits the ground its fingers fall open and he sees her, a fistful of icy brown feathers, but there’s no time to dwell on her, no time to dwell on if he was fast enough, if there is anything left to save. The dæmophage lashes out at him with its other hand, with its sharpening claws; he dodges, swings, and its arm falls to the ground, cut at the elbow.

It takes two strikes to cleave off its head. Its body remains half-upright, swaying, blood bubbling from its neck. He stands over it, sword raised, breathing hard. They’re fluid creatures. Half-shadow. You can never be sure.

It falls. It is still. He lowers his sword.

Behind him Jaskier falls heavily to the ground. Geralt turns to find him on his knees, shuddering all over, gasping, but still conscious, his eyes alert. He slumps forward, catching himself on his hands, and empties his stomach onto the dirt.

“Tansy,” he croaks. “Oh gods, Tansy –” He sees her, still in the dead creature’s hand, melted frost dripping from her feathers. He tries to rise. His legs won’t hold him.

She had been in its grip less than a minute. It must have felt like an age. Geralt is surprised he didn’t faint. Perhaps he’s made of sterner stuff than he looks.

so I don’t imagine this being as much a matter of Inner Strength as much as (as established early) Jaskier & Tansy having a very close and intimate bond, which in turn is a reflection of Jaskier being at ease with himself and the kind of person he is. 

in short this isn’t a matter of jaskier being like, exceptionally brave so much as being like ‘hey! don’t you dare! fuck you!’

Stepping closer Geralt takes his arm and heaves. “I told you to wait with Roach,” he says. But the look Jaskier gives him, of mute, numb disbelief at his coldness, silences any further reproach.

He hauls Jaskier to his feet, but Jaskier tugs his arm from his grip. He wipes his face on his sleeve and staggers forward, falling to his knees once again beside her, reaching for her with shaking hands.

When he picks her up he lets out a gasp of relief – or terror – it’s hard to say which. She doesn’t respond to his touch. She lies limp in his hands.

Jaskier looks up at him, and voice unsteady he says, “she’s cold.”

*

He sets the barn alight. By the time he’s done it’s growing dark, and the wind has died away. He leaves it to burn on its hilltop, to be sure the creature is dead. He’ll tell the villagers to come back when it’s burned to the ground, to take the bones of their dead and bury them properly. They’ll do it, if not for the right reasons.

The barn is a red-orange blaze in the distance. Down in the valley there’s a chill in the air. He can see Jaskier’s breath, though it’s not cold enough for that. He hasn’t stopped shaking. Geralt builds a fire, so he can warm himself, and sets about fastening the dæmophage’s head to Roach’s saddle.

“Geralt, she’s still cold,” says Jaskier. He’s kneeling too close to the fire, Tansy clutched to his chest, hidden in his cupped hands. He’s stripped off his filthy doublet, dark with the creature’s blood. “Geralt. Geralt. She won’t wake up.”

 i don’t know if it actually makes sense for jaskier to have got blood on him but listen i will take any excuse to have him take his doublet off bcos i’m just into it.

“She’ll wake up,” says Geralt.

“Are you sure?” says Jaskier.

“Hm,” says Geralt. He isn’t sure. You can never be sure. But if it had drained enough of the life from her that she was beyond waking, Jaskier’s mind would have broken. She’d be fading away. She was in shock. That was all. She’d wake.

If he’d been fast enough to kill it, but not fast enough to save her – he’d seen it before. He’d seen men and women, their minds broken into icy fragments, spending their last days terrified, in pain, alone. Unable to understand what had happened to them. Sometimes it was more merciful to let the dæmophage finish its meal, and kill them outright.

Not this time. He’d been fast enough.

“She – she won’t wake up, Geralt, she –” Jaskier breaks off in a ragged gasp. “I don’t know what to do.”

“Give her some time,” says Geralt. He fetches a blanket, and tosses it to Jaskier.

Jaskier doesn’t take it. “I can’t wake her up,” he says. “Geralt, what do I do?”

“Stop panicking,” says Geralt.

It’s no good. Jaskier understands what he’s saying, but he can’t keep his thoughts straight long enough to act on it. His mind is clouded. Where his connection to Tansy should be there’s nothing but confusion.

this was a fun opportunity to get a little bit into how the connection between a person and their daemon works :3

“I don’t know what to do,” he says. “I can’t think – Geralt, I can’t –”

His name falls again and again from Jaskier’s lips and it carries a silent plea. Help me. Do something.

He doesn’t know what to do. Or rather he knows what he ought to do, to offer comfort and warmth until this passes, but he doesn’t know how.

If he had seen it sooner. If he hadn’t let Jaskier talk him into taking him into danger. If he’d been quicker, smarter, harsher.

Tansy will get better. Jaskier will walk away from this.

double meaning in ‘walk away from this’ as in ‘survive this’ but also ‘will walk away FROM GERALT because of this’

Tension, behind him. He feels her long before he sees her, long before she ghosts into the firelight on owl-wings. She lands and with a soft rushing of air she’s herself again. Jaskier falls silent, startled at seeing her change, though he knew she cold.

“Jaskier,” she says. “Do you trust me?”

Half-watching, Geralt sees him nod.

“Put her down,” she says.

Jaskier hesitates. “But –”

“I know what I’m doing,” says Dag. “Put her down. Let me see.” Again he refuses, a wordless stammer of protest. “Jaskier. You’re panicking. Breathe deep. Put her down.”

Jaskier lays Tansy down. His hands are still shaking, but his breathing has slowed. That’s something. “What’s happening to her?” he says. “It hurts –”

He’d known it must. But Jaskier hadn’t said so, to him.

Dag noses at Tansy’s tiny, limp body. She licks her, once. “She’s just cold,” she says. “She’s just fainted. She’ll be fine.”

The back of one hand pressed to his mouth, Jaskier sobs.

“Shh,” says Dag. “Jaskier. Be calm.” Then she ducks her head forward, and touches him.

She touches her head to his face, nuzzling him, and at that contact a tremor goes through Geralt like a static shock. It’s only for a moment. Jaskier jerks away from her, as one would if a dæmon came too close by mistake.

this scene was inspired a bit by the part in The Subtle Knife where Pantalaimon physically comforts Will bcos he doesn’t have a daemon to comfort him. Obviously Jaskier does have a daemon, but he’s experiencing her being unconscious while he’s awake for the first time, making him essentially bereft of her.

He turns to look at Geralt, standing by Roach, no longer pretending he isn’t watching this. Their eyes meet. Geralt says nothing. Does nothing.

Jaskier turns back to Dag. Her eyes are lidded. Gingerly, Jaskier raises a hand to touch her. Geralt should cry out stop. He should go over there and drag them apart. He doesn’t.

Jaskier runs his hand over her head, the touch barely-there, just enough pressure to be felt through her fur. Geralt feels that touch like a gentle nudge somewhere within his ribs. It doesn’t feel bad.

He can feel, somehow feel birdsong in that touch. He can feel silk, and music, and laughter. It feels like the smell of perfume and candle smoke. Polished wood beneath his fingers. He’d had another’s hand on Dag before. It did not feel like this.

and THIS description of what touching (or being touched by) a person’s daemon would be like was inspired by how it’s depicted in Disciples of Apollo which is an a+++ daemon AU you should read if you like daemon stuff regardless of whether you’re a fan of M*A*S*H or not... please read it it’s so good.

He wonders what Jaskier feels, touching her.

i do intend to cover this. eventually. if i ever get around to writing more of this series.

Jaskier runs his hand over Dag’s head a second time. She purrs, low and deep in her chest. On the ground, Tansy gasps for breath.

my intention here is that Jaskier’s distress is part of what’s keeping Tansy from waking up, but then as long as she’s unconscious he can’t calm down, so by acting as a kind of stand-in daemon for him Dag is helping him Chill The Fuck Out sufficiently for Tansy to pull herself together.

“Tansy.” Jaskier’s hand falls from Dag’s head, and he reaches for her. “Oh gods, Tansy –” He cradles her in his hands. Her whole body is trembling.

“Jaskier,” she says, and at the sound of her voice all of his breath leaves him, his shoulders shaking, limp, weak with relief. He kisses her, holds her close by his face. Neither of them speak.

Geralt looks away. He meets Dag’s eyes, and she holds his gaze. He understands why she did it. He wouldn’t take it back. He’d do it again, and again. He still doesn’t like it. Dag turns away from him. She lies down beside the fire.

He tucks the blanket around Jaskier’s shoulders, and Jaskier murmurs thanks. He sits. He cleans his sword. The air smells like smoke. They shouldn’t linger here, in the dark. Jaskier’s breath is still fogging the air.

“We should go back to the village,” he says.

“Okay,” says Jaskier. Unsteady on his feet, he levers himself upright with one hand, the other cradling Tansy to his chest. “Okay.”

In the village lights are still burning in the windows. Geralt unties the dæmophage’s mouthless head.

“Should we,” says Jaskier, “talk about this?”

“Hm?” says Geralt.

“You know what I mean,” says Jaskier. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“No,” says Geralt, and taking the creature’s head he marches away.

“I’ve heard of mixed signals,” calls Jaskier in his wake. “But this is ridiculous!”

am not actually 100% happy with this part, i wanted to get this line in but i couldn’t get it to mesh w the tone of the scene

*

The village is too small for an inn, but as well as coin the monster’s head earns them a bed for the night in the alderman’s house, and an invitation to dinner.

The monster’s head, and perhaps Jaskier; Jaskier, whose boyish smile and pretty dæmon had charmed the alderman and his wife at once, Jaskier, who had come back from the hunt pale, and shivering in a way they must recognise.

geralt thinks Tansy is very pretty. that’s just how his tastes run and he genuinely has no idea that most people don’t think nightingales are like, notably pretty.

There’s only one bed in the room they’re given but the alderman’s daughter makes up a cot. He tells Jaskier to take the bed. Jaskier doesn’t argue. Jaskier says nothing at all.

Since his outburst when they reached the village he’s spoken only to say yes and please and thank you. He lies upon the bed, staring at the ceiling, one hand stroking a slow, contemplative circle on his own stomach. Tansy sits on the pillow beside his head, plucking at his hair, grooming at him like a mother cat with a kitten.

Geralt washes the dæmophage’s blood from his hands. It has dried into the creases in his palms, under his fingernails.

“Will you come to dinner?” he says.

“Not very hungry,” says Jaskier.

Stretched out upon the cot, Dag raises her head. “You should eat,” she says.

Geralt sees her indoors so rarely. It takes him off-guard, sometimes, how large she is compared to human things. The alderman and his family must have been startled, to see him go on a hunt without a dæmon and return with one, but they had said nothing about it.

i did not mention that dag is in this scene before she speaks to emphasise that her presence indoors is unusual and unexpected. i am very smart.

She lies alert, tail flicking, watching over Jaskier.

His hands don’t feel clean. He washes them again. “You’re quiet,” he says.

“Hmm?” says Jaskier.

“Are you alright?” says Geralt.

“Since when do you care?” says Jaskier. “I thought you wanted me to shut up.”

“What will it take for you to give me some peace?” he had said, more than once.

“Hell or high water, probably,” Jaskier had answered, sunnily smiling.

If he hadn’t been fast enough. If the creature had taken something that could not be brought back – the light in his eyes. Warmth. A smile he’d never see again. Not like this. He didn’t want it like this.

once again double meaning re geralt thinking that jaskier is going to leave him because of this

He leans heavily upon the washstand. He breathes out. He’d been fast enough. Jaskier was shaken. That was all. He’d be fine.

“I’m just,” says Jaskier. “Thinking.”

“What are you thinking about?” says Geralt.

“What’s it to you?” says Jaskier. A moment’s quiet, and he says, “why don’t elves have dæmons?”

this is my no 1 issue w this fic (which i am otherwise happy with), I really wanted to get this conversation in but wasn’t quite sure where to put it. originally i was going to include it much earlier, and have it be in response to meeting the elves, but i couldn’t get it to work with the pacing and i needed something for them to discuss here so. here it is. i’m not 100% sure it works. i think i understand why jaskier is bringing this up now but i’m not sure how to describe it properly.

The question jars him. It’s like something a child would ask. Why it’s on Jaskier’s mind now, of all times, he can’t imagine. “You know why.”

“I want to hear what you have to say about it,” says Jaskier.

“It’s the way the world is,” says Geralt. “Humans have dæmons. Elves don’t. Others don’t.”

“You’re not human and you have a dæmon,” says Jaskier.

“You know why,” says Geralt again. He can feel Dag’s stare on him, accusing, but he can’t help his frustration. He has the sense that Jaskier is goading him – or trying to catch him out in a lie. He doesn’t know what Jaskier wants from him.

“Do you think it’s lonely?” says Jaskier.

“Being an elf?” says Geralt.

“Mm,” Jaskier agrees.

tbqh it’s just occurred to me now as im re-reading it that part of this is jaskier obliquely asking geralt about his own feelings about having a daemon.

Geralt begins to dry his hands. “You can’t miss what you never had.”

“I don’t know,” says Jaskier. “I miss all sorts of things I’ve never had.”

Geralt waits for him to expand on that thought. But he’s lapsed back into silence. “Elves find dæmons distasteful,” he says. “It bothers them. Like seeing someone with their insides spilling out. They think half-elves born without dæmons are stronger for it.”

At that, mystifyingly, Jaskier laughs a little. “Hear that, Tansy?” he says. “Maybe I would have been stronger if I didn’t have you, like a half-elf. What do you think?”

gjlkghjklghdfj i had so much trouble w this line bcos my beta fully believed that this was jaskier professing that he was half elf so i had to re-write it and somehow at least one reviewer has still thought that was the implication... he’s 100% not half elf in this AU sorry. if i ever get around to writing the sequel it will be evident that he’s not half elf (or like if he is he has no idea) 

Tansy clicks her beak. “I think you’d miss me terribly,” she says. “Even if you’d never had me.”

His hands are dry. He stops running the cloth over them, and sets it aside. “Dag’s right,” he says. “You should eat.”

“If you insist,” says Jaskier. “Where are we going next?”

Geralt turns to look at him. He’s gazing up at Tansy, running a finger over her neck. “After dinner?” he says.

“Tomorrow,” says Jaskier. Geralt says nothing, but his silence must speak for itself, for Jaskier looks at him and says, “don’t think you’re getting rid of me that easily.”

“Why?” says Geralt.

“I’m a glutton for punishment, I suppose,” Jaskier says. “Anyway. I’m working on a song and it isn’t finished.”

“Hm?” says Geralt.

Jaskier’s gaze drifts back to Tansy. “Still needs an ending,” he says.

i wasn’t sure how to end this story and this last line is very cheeky eheheh. i can do what i want.

thank you again for requesting!! i hope u enjoy this commentary. it has been a fun diversion. i’m very pleased w this fic and i love talking about daemon AUs. <3

[grannygerd]

I’m Lynn from PVRIS! AMA

I’m Lynn from PVRIS. We just put out our new album Use Me which you can listen to HERE. This Saturday, we’re going to be playing our first album White Noise front to back in its entirety for the first time ever. You can get tickets for the live stream HERE.

Proof: https://imgur.com/9K4IgJf

DieDunkleFritte: Hey Lynn, would you rather have really small hands or really small feet? Best regards from germany :D pvrisofficial: Feet!!! Need normal sized hands to play instruments! haha

Nikkiestables: Lynn!!! I was in the US for my exchange and was going to FINALLY see you in person but I couldn’t:( do you think in the future you would tour Asia? Which parts would you like to explore? (Please say Hong Kong) pvrisofficial: We'd love to tour Asia more! We've loved the places we've been in Japan, Singapore, & South Korea so far! Would love to add Hong Kong!

ShadeOfNothing: Hey Lynn! I’ve been a PVRIS fan Since White Noise and I’ve loved seeing the band’s sound evolve through the years. I know you’re a huge believer in astrology, past lives, and the paranormal, so I was wondering if there were any crazy experiences you had witnessed or drew inspiration from while writing/producing Use Me. Thanks so much! pvrisofficial: yessssssss I am a nut. I didnt make Use Me in a haunted church this time but i DO think I stayed at a haunted airbnb. Food kept disappearing and then one night a giant ghostly handprint was left on my guitar case and my hand was way too small to have created it.

hinterscape: Hi Lynn! I've been following you guys since ~2014, you're awesome and I look up to you. Do you see yourself making music forever or how long do you see it if not? pvrisofficial: FOR-E-VER! It might take different forms and go through different stages but i think i will always be creating music!

imaliveunfortunately: Hi Lynn! First of all I love you and the style of music you've put out recently. I saw you at Reading last year, and in Manchester in 2017 so I'm really happy to seeing PVRIS get the exposure it deserves :) So it's gotta be asked, I understand there's issues with the label, but what are the chances of Mvdonna and Blood On My Hands being released? Whether it be as singles, on a new EP, the next album, etc? They're just damn good tracks pvrisofficial: I want them to come out SO BAD too haha. I want to make sure the production is perfect so its now a matter of finding the right collaborator for them.

CookThePasta: Do you believe in life after love? pvrisofficial: yes

OldManMalekith: Hi Lynn! How did working with JT on Use Me differ from your previous experiences with producers? Everyone that I've seen or heard work with him puts it as a really positive experience, and he helps make great stuff! pvrisofficial: He is the BEST. He was very similar to Blake in the sense that he was incredibly nurturing and encouraging, dedicated to making sure it was 100% everything I wanted and always stood up for me if the label ever tried to change it. His production style is definitely different but its extremely diverse. It's a lot punchier and crisper and a bit more minimal than in the past but i think it almost makes things more impactful that way!

villanelleinsuits: Hi Lynn! You’re a creative genius, thanks for existing. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be and why?? pvrisofficial: I would love to live in the UK countryside!!! Maybe Bath or something.

Queenio01: How are you feeling today? pvrisofficial: Sleepy but EXCITED to rehearse!

dancorcoran: How often do you get recognised by fans in day to day life? pvrisofficial: Not too often! I usually get recognized at coffee shops and starbucks though? and Lush hahaha

jessica_pasta: Hi Lynn!!! Was wondering how do you make your synth patches? What synth sounds are your favorites? Thanks so much! Love PVRIS and all that you do ❤️❤️❤️❤️ pvrisofficial: I use Zebra a lot and also use a Prophet Rev2. One of my favorite things is to throw synths through different effects to get an entirely new sound!

ImadaPC: Hi Lynn, I got a question. What inspires you to make music and why? pvrisofficial: What inspires me is wanting to hear something I havent heard! I want to hear all my favorite artists and influences into one thing so that's usually how PVRIS stuff is inspired haha.

staceelogreen: What are your stand out albums of this year!:) pvrisofficial: Great Q! 070 Shake - Modus Vivendi Tinashe - Songs For You (technically 2019 but I've been jamming it all year) They. - The Amanda Tape KAYTRANADA - Bubba (2019 but it came out late 2019 so it counts as 2020 for me!) Howling - Colure

DH00338: What are you most excited about in terms of this new era of PVRIS? pvrisofficial: More writing!! and more collaborations!

creewitch: Hiya Lynn! I hope your morning is going well. When have you felt the proudest of yourself and why? ☺️ pvrisofficial: Oooo good Q! I always think there's room for improvement so it's hard to feel pride, but I am definitely grateful for my resilience through the crazy shit haha.

liky_gecko: Because you’re from the Boston area, what are your favorite spots to eat/hang out there? I may be going to school there pvrisofficial: Do itttt! My fav spots are a little outside of the city.... the Crane Estate, Mt. Auburn Cemetery in Cambridge, Maudslay State Park in Newburyport, Portsmouth NH, Shedd Park Cemetery in Lowell.

goszkv: Hi Lynn! Was wondering if you'll ever consider coming to Poland :( ofc post corona pvrisofficial: yes!

cecy_db_11: Hi Lynn! Can't wait to see you guys this Saturday. How do you feel once the songs you write (your personal feelings and thoughts) are available for the world to listen? Do you get used to that over time? pvrisofficial: Still getting used to that to be honest. Once songs are out, I weirdly stop listening to them. Prior to that I listen in the car a lot and drive around testing songs out haha.

musicfan1976: Do you think the spring 2020 shows will still happen or be rescheduled again due to Covid? Stay healthy and take care. pvrisofficial: I truly have no idea.... :( you take care too! <3

yikesmiles: Hey Lynn! I hope you’re well! I’ve always been curious, what was it that inspired you to make music? pvrisofficial: Good Q! WHen I write, I try to write music that I want to hear that hasn't crossed my path yet.

LeahLNurse: Is there any unreleased songs you wish made it onto White Noise? pvrisofficial: Nope!

JRuiz1775: Hey Lynn! I remember the first time I saw and heard you guys was when you opened for Pierce the Veil and Sleeping with Sirens. I was hooked and have tried to see you guys anytime you are in my area. My question for you is what is your favourite tour experience? What is your dream tour to be on? pvrisofficial: There's SO many favorite tour experiences. I love touring the UK and Europe a lot, exploring before shows is my favorite thing and has some of my favorite memories. Our UK/EU tour with BMTH was one of my favorites.

ac-36: hi lynn! i love your music so much, it means a lot to me. if you were to remake your past music now, how do you think it would be different, and what do you think the future direction of the band will be? pvrisofficial: I would definitely approach the drum production a bit different but keep it pretty similar with the other textures/instruments! Future direction can go anywhere! Definitely want to keep taking risks and trying new things, but still keeping it dark!

staceelogreen: If you could go back in time to give yourself advice, what would you say to your past self? pvrisofficial: Take it easy on yourself.

NouveauJacques: Hi Lynn, huge fan and I love the power behind your music. Do you ever write songs that are too emotional and feel conflicted about putting into an album? pvrisofficial: usually if they feel too emotional or heavy, I know they need to be released haha

Defiant-Strawberry37: Hi Lynn, hope everything's okay with you and the band. I'd like to ask you what PVRIS' era you think is the best and why? Hope I can see you guys someday soon acting in Portugal. Love you all! PS: why so Lynnda? *portuguese pun intended, beautiful = linda in portuguese* ly! pvrisofficial: Thanks! I love every era tbh but I'm definitely always the most excited on the present moment!

pvrisbae: youre the cutest little soul ily. whats ur fav song at the moment? pvrisofficial: Brian showed it to me! It's "Too Late" by Washed Out.

agnespvris: Hi Lynn!! Have you had any good laughter when you've been looking through the #pvrismemes ?? pvrisofficial: oh you betcha.

whothefuckisrvmi: ok so im not understanding shit about this app but im here for you pvrisofficial: thank u

vioIentbounce: hi lynn! what do you think will be your favorite song from use me to play live? pvrisofficial: I think.... Good To Be Alive or Gimme A Min

jaydenc30: hi lynn I just wanted to say how much I appreciate you and everything you do! I hope you are doing well, what was the first song you wrote for use me? What’s does PVRIS’s future look like to you? pvrisofficial: First song for Use Me was Old Wounds! I wrote it before the second album even came out haha

IrlandaBDelao: Hi lynn, would you be down to open commisions for tattoos? If so, how much would you charge for a drawing? pvrisofficial: I wish! I do not have time to at the moment :( but if I have time in the future, you will be first to know so you can get first dibs!

CookThePasta: are you really looking at all of our memes?? pvrisofficial: trying OUR BEST!!

nonoplznowhy: why did your parents name you Lynn? pvrisofficial: Lyndsey* but they always call me Lynn or Lynds. I was named after my mom's childhood bestfriend named Lynn, she passed away when my mom was pretty young :(

golrip: What is your favourite song on awknohawnoh and why? That album literally changed my life and shaped me into the person I am today so I would really love knowing your opinion. also: what's your favourite the weeknd song/album? pvrisofficial: NOLA 1! It was my favorite to write and the memory around that time is magical. We wrote it in New Orleans and it's my favorite city.

bnizz95: Hey Lynn!! I saw you guys perform for the first time live in Cambridge last September and im so excited about the stream. I was wondering what your favorite song/songs off this album are? Also, do you still steal rosemary from your neighbors? Hahaha pvrisofficial: hahaha I have a little rosemary plant that I use now :)

vioIentbounce: are you still making collages? if not, have you taken up any new artistic hobbies lately?❤️ pvrisofficial: Little collaging here and there :) I've been researching a lot of interior design and fashion design lately!

fee-lixdawkins: Hey Lynn! Excited for the livestream! I know you’re an AFI fan. What is your favorite album and song(s) by them? Would you ever want to tour with them? I’d kill to see that happen! Take care! pvrisofficial: Brian is the bigger AFI fan! I cant pick a fave Im scared

ivykrvft: How does it feel to (kinda) be performing again as an entire band after all these months? pvrisofficial: Really good!! Definitely going to be weird without you guys in front of us!!

Ariana_0918: hi lynn <3 i wanted to know when you saw florence in concert what was your favorite song she performed live? pvrisofficial: Cosmic Love. She played it first and it was acoustic, I instantly cried hahahaha

TheSinger_Z: Hey Lynn! How old were you when you first started writing songs? What is the most memorable prank/joke that you have pulled or has been pulled on you while on tour? How many instruments do you play and what’s your favourite? I just want to say thank you, you’re my biggest inspiration when it comes to music (I sing and I’m learning to play guitar and hope to do it professionally when I’m older as I’m only 14 😬), and I’m really thankful for you guys. I got meet and greet tickets for November 30th for the White Noise stream, so see you then! pvrisofficial: i was in the 3rd grade. the songs were horrible. Its not really a prank but we love having our in ear monitor tech do the worm on stage sometimes. Extra points when he does it in costume. I can play 7 instruments! Looking to add more to the arsenal over time. I love piano a lot and drums. Keep it up, can't wait to see you be a star!!! ALso the livestream is the 21st! DOnt want you to miss it :)

CheezeGrenade: I missed out on a lot of concerts growing up and I couldn't make it to a concert out of state that I bought tickets to about a year ago. Will you guys play through Awkohawnoh again in anyway? Such as Half/Winter/No Mercy/Walk Alone. Litterally that album and the one before got me through alot of depressive phases in my life and Awk has really inspired alot of my writing for a series I want to create someday. pvrisofficial: I cant wait for you to start writing it! You got this! We will be playing through AWKOHAWNOH but the date is not announced yet :)

srankie: Are y'all Pats fans? Red Sox? Bruins? Cause if not the Eagles family will accept you with open arms pvrisofficial: NEW ENGLAND/BOSTON ALL DAY BABY!

macauley7: Could u please ask harry styles if u could tour with him? I need a pvris x harry watermelon sugar vibes thanks pvrisofficial: I'll call him right now.

brisbubbles: Hey, Lynn! Can’t wait for Saturday! I was wondering, how do you feel about singing old tracks from WN since you relearned how to sing? What has that experience been like? Wishing you and Brian the best! xzlinx: I am wondering about this as well. Maybe I am just nosey but I wonder about the process of retraining your voice and what exactlt happened. It must have been insanely difficult on her mental health but goddamn what a trooper bc Use Me is unbelievable! pvrisofficial: Great questions!!! Singing WN is definitely a little challenging to begin with because I'm older and my tone isn't the tone of 19 year old me anymore haha. A big thing was anxiety which caused me to choke up a lot and tense my chords. Then when i was being coached, out of fear of damaging something we had to rebuild and start small and light which we think caused the chords/muscles to atrophy, which set it back further haha. I eventually went to another coach who then was able to take my "retrained" voice and then strengthen it up and rebuild it back to where it was before!

ImOnlyHalfAlive: Hey Lynn! First, I can't express just how much PVRIS has meant to me over the last couple of years. Your music has helped me through so much, and I will forever be grateful. My question is: What's a life mantra you've always lived by? pvrisofficial: Life mantra (theres a lot but this one I always connect to when it comes to career): Patience and persistence is key.

Okosano: Hi Lynn and greeting from Germany! The one and only important question here : Whats your favorite comfort food? pvrisofficial: Favorite comfort food...... Indian food! My absolute favorite.

Ok-Personality1480: What’s your favorite tea pls 🤠 pvrisofficial: Throat coat for singing, housemade chai for joy.

CookThePasta: Do you know the muffin man? pvrisofficial: yes

LynnGvnnFvn: What were the creative differences between writing an album like White Noise or AWKOHAWNOH and Use Me? pvrisofficial: Age, time, locations, different producers and collaborators!

unit525: How are the submissions for the meme competition looking? Any front runners emerging? pvrisofficial: It's a CLOSE call for a lot of them...

LynXiger: Which song from your discography is your least favourite and why? pvrisofficial: I wont say incase it is anyone's favorite!! hahaha

lgbtiffany: do you have a tendency to incorporate spirituality into your creative processes? love the album and can’t wait for the stream ✨❤️ pvrisofficial: I think creating is spiritual in itself! You're channeling sound and melody and MAGICCC! So yes!

vessed1: hiii. I’d love to know who found the White Noise mirror ☺️ pvrisofficial: Me too

LynXiger: What is your favourite genre to listen to? And how has this changed over time? pvrisofficial: I'm a big sucker for hip hop and pop... really anything that's catchy and hits hard and has cool production!

nicthehic: Hey Lynn! Been a huge fan for a long long time and took up doing music professionally because I was inspired by you and the rest of Pvris’ rise and work ethic. I was wondering if there was anything you would do differently while recording your first album and any advice to new ish band working on their first professional project (in the midst of covid no less) and any tips to make our first album just as great and timeless as white noise Thank you! pvrisofficial: Awww this is awesome! I'm sure you're gonna crush it! I definitely would have wanted to make the production a little different but keep a lot of the same fundamental aspects/textures. Do what YOU feel you want to create and dont feel any outside pressures. Crush it! Cant wait for you to record!

minidudette106: Hey Lynn, Do you ever think its crazy that people get tattoos of your lyrics & ones inspired by your music? also wondering what your thoughts are on pineapple on pizza? lol pvrisofficial: I used to get freaked out bc I didnt think my lyrics were great but now I think its so cool! haha.

Hot-Lime3627: Hi Lynn, how is Opal and the other cat whom you took care of during quarantaine doing ? pvrisofficial: They are back with their owner! I truly miss them every single day... they were my little fluffy pals.

kelcea244: How do you keep your creative muscle flexed so you’re ready to create? And do you create every day? EDIT: Also really sad you guys weren’t able to make it over to the UK this month! We’ll be so psyched for you when you do come! pvrisofficial: We are sad too!!! We can't wait to get back whenever it is safe to play shows there. I miss it every day! I try to create every day even if it's just 5-10 minutes, always good to keep those muscles flexed!

socksgrowonbushes: first of all i just want to say how much i admire you, you’re amazing :) my question is what is your favourite song you have ever written? is it one that’s on an album? one that hasn’t even been released? i’m curious pvrisofficial: Use Me!

LadyEpicenter25: What the significance of playing in Arizona?! pvrisofficial: Resources to make the stream happen and rehearsals happen :)

bitchesonthephone: I have one question and one question only: When will we get Let’s Go Vertigo? pvrisofficial: NEVERRRRRR

Antique_Performer_45: Hi Lynn! I’ve been a big fan of PVRIS for a few years now. Which song from Use Me was your favorite to write? I love you guys! pvrisofficial: Use Me! or Good To Be Alive!

JadeAdelaideee: Hello!!! You’ve been a huge help with me realising I was gay, is there anyone who you would look up to when you were younger who sort of helped ease that journey? 💕✨ pvrisofficial: tbh i didnt have many. It was the scattered bits of magical gay representation on teen tv shows like Degrassi/Skins etc. haha

brandonjback: what song are you most proud of from AWKOHAWNOH? pvrisofficial: Anyone Else and NOLA 1!

DixieF: A question I've been waiting ages to ask. Why are you guys so awesome? pvrisofficial: We got awesome parents!!!

Emmahumphrees: Out of all yours songs what is your favourite lyric?? pvrisofficial: "On the porch the ceiling's painted baby blue dressed to the nines just like the sky in early afternoon 'cause it's midnight and the ghosts might be coming soon" Its a reference to a New Orleans superstition that the baby blue porch ceiling would ward off spirits in the night to trick them that it was the daytime sky.

lgbtiffany: what was the most difficult part of trying to regain your voice when you were having troubles with it? pvrisofficial: Definitely just getting on stage every night knowing it wasn't working and having to pretend it was... haha. Super embarrassing.

cnnrtower: Hi Lynn! MA fan here who first saw PVRIS open for A Skylit Drive at the Palladium in 2013. Super incredible to watch the journey for the band / yourself as an artist! What was the first gig/experience that made you stop and realize that PVRIS was going places? pvrisofficial: one of our first headline shows in CT back in 2015. Show was crazy!!

KimLC24: I was just wondering how you get your inspiration to do your art and music? because it can sometimes be hard to even get motivated let alone create pvrisofficial: Totally relate and understand! I won’t lie, the older I get, the more I need to hype myself up and set a tone to create, especially when there’s so much music swirling around us at all times (the internet/streaming/etc). I almost always have a moody or dreamy movie/show playing on my ipad next to me while I work so that way there’s an inspiring visual going.

deadweighttttt: Hi Lynn!!! What’s your all time favourite lyric from the album?! pvrisofficial: HII!! "Do you even notice how easy you've got this? Taking wings off a goddess if I'm being honest"

Pvffreis: Hi Lynn, I have no idea how to use this/reddit but great to see you here! Hope you're doing good? <3 Update: I figured out how to edit comments ayyy I just signed up to ask you this very important question: Red or green apples? pvrisofficial: Idk how either but I think I got it!! Red apples! W PB

dancingonslowsand: Hi Lynn!! Been following PVRIS for a while and I’ve loved seeing how your sound has evolved over the years. Do you have any idea of what direction you want the band to go in the future? Or are you just riding the wave and seeing what happens? Also what’s your fav bird pvrisofficial: Thanks so much! I definitely plan to just keep riding the wave… I feel like every album leaves some room for the direction to go anywhere so the next chapter never feels too restricted. I have been feeling pretty hyped and high energy lately so I feel like it may reflect that a bit! Fav bird is… PENGUINS (even though people debate that they are mammals.)

pvrisofficial: Okay my friends, I gotta head out and get to rehearsals! This was so much fun, sorry I couldn't get to every Q. Love yall! See you guys so soon! <3

November 18th, 2020

[rqs902]

.

yang chaowen is really a sensitive kid... man he brings out renyu's song's feels and then brings up ylq to relate to the lyrics bc he knows his friend isnt getting as much appreciation as himself. (this makes even more sense after ylq said he had been crying before ycw went onstage and ycw was comforting him... and then after ycw came off the stage, it was time for ylq to comfort him from crying TT) Their friendship is really something. But then ycw saying he just gets ripped for getting screentime for crying all the time ouch but i dont get the feeling that hes doing it for attention but maybe im becoming partly biased towards chaowen :) 

Lol the fact that they focus so much on xzx and how hes favored by gjm but feels like it's unfair to be treated uncomfortably by other trainees as a result... all i can say is, what do u expect, of course the other kids will be salty, their lives are on the line and theyre getting nothing close to the attention you are, so unfortunately u cant win everything :(

Lol I see why everyone on twitter is annoyed at gjm... Jackson is literally trying to say something meaningful and mentor-like to su er and gjm literally interrupts with his own opinion.... jackson is like unable to finish his thought. and then when Cheng xiao is actually trying to give ma haowen advice, gjm just goes WELL I DISAGREE, THIS IS RENYU'S FAULT and everyone's like wtffffff???? And then he starts saying people can help Xinhai with his terrible dance (ouch) but renyu didnt help haowen sing and Huang enyu MY CHILD just goes: but dancing and singing are different....... and I'm just smh.... gjm really shouldnt act like he knows everything when hes the only mentor with zero actual relevant experience :( Poor renyu literally looks like hes about to burst into tears, ma haowen looks so sorry and appalled renyu's getting yelled at and none of the other mentors seem to agree with gjm lol 

lets appreciate renyu’s song, its really good!!! 

Lol this whole mentor segment is a mess but man chaowen and renyu won a lotta votesss ayyy

I think xue en seeing hwh as a pro rapper shows him humbling himself, since hes technically a more seasoned and popular idol performer

Cheng xiao fangirling over xue en I mean SAME hahahahahahaha awwwwww yzx being soooo genuinely happy for xue en is the cutest!!! Aw cto friendship and xue en crying :’) actually one thing ive noticed i feel like yzx seems like a genuinely kind and cheerful friend, maybe people are bashing him bc he pushed off some leaderly responsibilities to lin mo in the last round but maybe hes just not someone to take on a strict leader role (looks at aj from afo...) and realized that since lin mo has such experience and is really good at it, it makes sense to respect his experience and skill and let him take on that role. of course its unfortunate that means lin mo worked extra for less recognition, but i think it seems like yzx really respected and admired him so im hopeful what happened wasnt due to mean intentions 

watching chen junhao feeling lost oh man :/ maybe he hadnt fully prepared himself for the idol life when first coming on this show. its unfortunate reality that in this kind of idol survival show, the focus is more on stage presence and face and performance, rather than the music itself. Hopefully he really feels that hes found a path forward through this performance. This is a really real way to present him but I'm sad theres not as much focus on li chenxu when this is hissss song

Man both the self composed songs are really good!! Mann them making this song a dance song is really hard to watch for li chenxu bc its makes it hard for him to shine at his own song which is sad :( also lzx's rap is questionable lol but cjh's vocal part in the middle part is so emotional, I hope he felt like he was able to express himself fully there

Lol does gjm not realize they didnt have a choice to not dance. Lollllll cheng xiao literally said they had too much to do and tried very hard but he didnt listen.

Aww jackson teaching them about team work :') o gosh I have PTSD about jin fan getting classified as a vocal now after uuu..... also not surprised the entire segment was about sxl and even the judging portion lol....

Oof Jin fan's voiceeee I love

Man why does Jin fan always get stuck in not dance songs ><

more appreciation for xu zhaohao vocals pls!!! imo sxl has a poor attitude :/ he doesnt perform calmly under pressure and isnt doing well at making a good atmosphere for practice

LOL why do i feel like lin mo is always saying "song" things hahahah hes really a kid

but mannn yan an just walking into the elevator is so oof

Aw duan xuyu is too nice... but I guess this is the leader in him coming out

Aw yan an immediately encouraging xikan when he lost the center to him

Lolll xikans little “heheh” when he won 

Mannnn ngl even tho yan an leaves the show, I kinda wish he had a bigger role in this perf bc it's literally like his jam.... chinese style influenced dance.... I wish he had at least 1 memorable dance move, like I feel like Luo Joe already had one in the last perf and he has one again here (and hes very talented and he deserves recognition!) but yan an has yet to really show anything and im scared hes gonna just disappear soon :/

They all did so well tho!!! Truly a group of dancers. Really made me want to rewatch the whole thing immediately. altho the beginning I cant unsee the lin mo meme LOL 

and xikan did really well!! His stage presence is real. And hes put effort into his facial expressions

Luo Joe being cute is iconic

Aw yan an cheering on lin mo when revealing his votes!!

Aw I'm surprised 100 ways kids didnt get more votes.... lol ngl i feel like this show is just randomly adding vote bonuses in for random reasons not prespecified for kids they like.... cough gjm yet again

but oo the next ep looks fun hahahha im excited for a happier ep thats not as stressful.

Ycw keeping it real 2020: "im not good at controlling emotions.... i hope if you want to cry or laugh do it loudly, dont care about what other people think"

ok so maybe im liking more new kids than i expected, but i think thats a good thing that the show is making them likable and some kids are able to stand out! honestly i realized I kinda can see why they eliminated so many to begin with. It's sad but also kinda nice tbh (ouch, i know) bc if they really got rid of the ones who have less skill, it makes it easier for the others who dont have to teach from zero (cough lin mo) And then those with skill get to have at least 3(?) stages, unlike qcyn where jin fan got eliminated after only doing 1 silly stage lol The skill level of the stages is also raised, like there's multiple groups of almost all people who are well qualified. im sure the kids are happy that they get to do more stages, im sure that means a lot to them. 

At least on snzm they attempt to give most trainees a positive light and give screentime to more than just the top 10 trainees. and they allow someee time for vocals, dancers and rappers to get appreciation (even tho dancers are still dominating lol)

but yea honestly I disliked the judging on pdc2019 too tho so at least the judges here can be supportive... at times. it is SUPER biased and gjm is very vocal despite his lack of knowledge tho lol 

it's so bad bc I feel like my standards for shows are so low at this point. my standards get lowered with every show I watch. It's like I guess the snzm songs are okay bc I hated the ones on afo more so at least the stages aren't thattt bad lol At least the rules/general setup aren't as terrible as they were on afo..... at least the camera time isnt as biased as it was on qcyn.... sigh the show isnt doing great, and itd be best if the show would help the tygers get more popular, but I guess its prob better than just doing nothing at star master lol. 

qcyn was just painful to watch from "spirit of the knight" onward bc momo literally was buried, mistreated, disrespected and taken advantage of. at least on snzm he gets some screentime and positive recognition.....

tbh i like snzm, maybe thats an unpopular opinion, but at least there have been some really great stages, where the kids really get to shine. at least i can confidently say that bc of snzm, i have met some new kids who i will be sure to follow for new music moving forward :) 

[citialiin]

THE POSITIVE & NEGATIVE; Mun & Muse - Meme.

fill out & repost ♥ This meme definitely favors canons more, but I hope OC’s still can make it somehow work with their own lore, and lil’ fandom of friends & mutuals. Multi-Muses pick the muse you are the most invested in atm. tagged by: @forseenclade thank you ! man i am so bad at doing memes.  tagging: @blossomingbeelzebug @zhrets @lupichorous @dansiere yayayayayayayaya

My muse is:   canon / oc / au / canon-divergent / fandomless / complicated [ z/iggy stardust is DEFINITELY not my original character, but 683 is, and every single part of how i rp ziggy from his backstory to his personality was made up by me. that being said, ziggy is still a character that exists in media. ]

Is your character popular in the fandom?  YES / NO. [ im pretty sure ziggy is tied with the thin white duke as one of b*wie’s most famous fictional personas? ]

Is your character considered hot™ in the fandom?  YES ? / NO / IDK.

Is your character considered strong in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK.

Are they underrated?  YES / NO / IDK. [ maybe a little overrated ]

Were they relevant for the main story?  YES / NO.

Were they relevant for the main character?  YES / NO / THEY’RE THE PROTAG.

Are they widely known in their world?  YES / NO.

How’s their reputation?  GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL. [ celebrity rock god of limitless talent vs inevitable overrated washup. most celebrities are polarizing anyways ]

How strictly do you follow canon?  — there isnt much canon to go off of i think? the album barely even states if ziggy is an alien and b*wie himself got really wishy washy about it (sometimes saying z is a human who was contacted by aliens, he was an alien himself, etc). i dont think we know anything about him besides what he looks like (red hair / weird eyes / pale / “well hung” lmao) and he has a band called the spiders from mars, he plays the guitar left handed, he’s bisexual + androgynous, and he’s charming and popular with the teens but inevitably is a victim of his own ego. and he dies.  that too.  but that’s literally it! we know Nothing else about him.  so i filled in all the gaps because my brain has worms.  theres a little bit of the story that verges on fantasy (that he’s some sort of messiah messenger for “the infinites,” whatever the fuck THAT means, david) so i nix that because i prefer hard scifi.  and theres one BIG part that i just ... deleted out of his canon, in that the world is ending in 5 years in his timeline, and he’s like ... aware of this ?  but that’s dumb and confusing.  i legit dont care anymore. my OC now.

SELL YOUR MUSE! Aka try to list everything, which makes your muse interesting in your opinion to make them spicy for your mutuals.  —  im so embarrassed i know i could be genuine and actually try but i have brain blockajjolajlakala33lak33klak333ak3jka3akjj323j3 i guess it’s like ... ziggy is truly the ultimate expression OF humanity because he reveals everything both wrong and right about the human condition, he literally embodies the best of humanity and the worst at the same time, he’s a really interesting critique on the idea of genuineness/earnestness vs commercalism in art, the perils of fame, and also how humans are so inherently corrupting?  a lot of thematic stuff i like exploring is like what is innate to humans vs what is learned behavior, what are things that humans do naturally that ziggy mimics out of his desire to be like us?  i think he has a really good story arc -- he went from being a literal nameless CLONE in a society full of pragmatic forward thinking science-oriented people to a sell out rockstar celebrity in a society of people that value individualism and self expression and art, but in the process completely lost his mind and himself and gave into the worst that humanity has to offer like rampant selfishness, drug abuse, self destructive tendencies, etc. characters changing is always interesting and ziggy truly changes for the worse -- but he is never just black and white, he was never good and then suddenly evil, he just was always the same person putting on different facades and trying to be himself by constructing an identity that maybe was who he wanted to be versus who he actually is.  i dont know what im talking about. hes just an alien trying to be too hard to be human in all the wrong ways.   i just like how “gray” ziggy is. he isnt good or bad, he can be very nice and he can be very mean, he’s overtly showboating confident but at the same time deeply afflicted with self-consciousness (why tf else would anyone be So obsessed with how they present themselves?).  hes an icon of individualism but also commercialism.  he’s freakishly alien but is almost more human than humans themselves.  he struggles as lot in his head -- which makes for interesting writing, i guess !!  Im so emabrrased im not going to go back and read what i wrote so if i typoed dont look at me

Now the OPPOSITE, list everything why your muse could not be so interesting (even if you may not agree, what does the fandom perhaps think?).  —  i think ziggy comes across as really mean and nothing else.  his horrible bitchy rudeness comes across as hee hee hoo hoo sassy isnt he a rascal when it’s supposed to be more like ... he’s so far gone into the celebrity delusion he’s conflated aggressive rudeness with charmingness because no one told him otherwise and everyone worships him to the point where he’s just given into the delusion that he can do no wrong.  i think theres the general simplification problem that happens with a lot of fictional characters, it’s easy to see him as just a whacky sassy glittery quirky rockstar when i guess it avoids the inherent tragedy of like ... everything else about him. his totally fake and false sense of identity built up from superficial things like fame and labels and stardom.  maybe my version of ziggy is just too weirdly depressing and sad when i know his original iteration wasn’t quite so ... grim.  im not very sure tbh.  

What inspired you to rp your muse?  —  hmmm ... a lot of things! i just really got into b*wie stuff in early 2019, i’ve ALWAYS loved aliens and sci-fi, and i was really shocked that db sets up such great visual storytelling potential but does it through music.  i just really liked ziggys “story” and i like any chance to think about aliens so i just got invested into piecing together a little backstory for him using, like, the cumulative knowledge of literally every other piece of science fiction ive ever consumed in my life.  this was summer 2019 when i was making initial pitches for my thesis film, and so i just randomly decided to pitch “animated version of ziggy stardust” as one of the potential ideas.  shockingly everyone liked it a lot and so did my professor who thought it was really cool, and then i just ended up sticking with the character and working on him for an entire year.  ziggy became my hobby but also my homework.  he was such a fun character because everything about him was interesting to me and i had just enough source material to have a starting point but so much room to take him in any direction i wanted to.

What keeps your inspiration going?  —  honestly, yooooou guyssssss. i have some really amazing fwends that ive met thru here .... and some of our dumb stupid stories have literally become NOVEL length. it just self generates inspiration because you realize the limitless amount of stories you could tell with this one single character when your character enters his story or he enters their story and etc. etc.  ive drawn endless amounts of comics and stuff for him ... ziggy is just so endlessly interesting ...   cringe be cringed bro but recently (i know this sounds dumb bear with me or die.) ive kind of realized a lot of how i rp z comes as some metaphor for the experience of being an asian immigrant/being asian in the US -- his home “culture” is a lot stricter than the rampant selfish individualism of the usa (he only lives in the uk and usa, so he thinks the whole planet is like this), he’s dissuaded from standing out from his community and his selfishness becomes a community burden rather than a personal flaw, and when he does come to earth, he goes through such awful culture shock, literally nothing makes sense to him and everything is Different.  and while some things are different in a Nice way, something things are different in an Awful way, and he’s given the option between losing his true personal identity as an atominan and giving it up to be a human.  the allure of being a human is a little too much but losing yourself like this is traumatic, in a way.  obvs like ... a little silly and definitely not something that i actively intended to put into his story arc, its just something that fell into place cuz i guess i worked so closely with my own personal experiences and feelings of “alienation” (pun intended) to try to understand how he would feel being a literal alien an shid. its cathartic to write about him. but he also has a lot of my own personal interests just thrown in -- 70s fashion, scifi, science, tryhard implications about human nature, art history, whatever dumb nonsense i get into

Some more personal questions for the mun.

Give your mutuals some insight about the way you are in some matters, which could lead them to get more comfortable with you or perhaps not.

Do you think you give your character justice?  YES / NO / SOMETIMES?

Do you frequently write headcanons?  YES / NO  [ i would prefer information to spring up organically in the story but cuz threads always get dropped i end up just telling people outright. i didnt want anyone to know his home planet/his old name but barely anyone writes enough with ziggy to get to that point to reveal it (i legit managed to do it organically Once) so i just had to write it in a post lmao orz ]

Do you sometimes write drabbles?  YES / NO [ wrote a ton of drabbles ! drew a ton of comics! ]

Do you think a lot about your Muse during the day? YES / NO 

Are you confident in your portrayal?   YES / NO / I DUNNO?

Are you confident in your writing?  YES / HAHA NO.

Are you a sensitive person?  YES  / NO. / IDK ? 

Do you accept criticism well about your portrayal?  —  definitely!  like i said ... my version of ziggy ended up being the protag of my thesis film and for 1 yr straight his characterization, backstory, design, and even how i wanted to animate his fucking movements (ziggy stardust timing charts.) were beaten to death in a classroom environment, torn apart and rebuilt into something better.  had i stayed with what i originally wanted to go with, ziggy would be so different than how i write him 2day. amazingly my pre production professor is a literal two time emmy award winning storyboard artist and animator so he definitely helped me design him (my version of ziggy is meant for ... a cartoon, obviously, not real life) and give him a better backstory?  and my post production professor is a retired disney animator who worked on hercules and a bunch of old disney channel shows?  had i gone wah wah wah i dont want to hear ur critiques i wouldnt have made him better.  if you ever think ziggy seems inconsistent or poorly written ... tell me !! i literally major in ... animation. cartoons. entertainment.  my job is to entertain you. if you are not entertained, there is a problem.  ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED ????

Do you like questions, which help you explore your character?  —  I LOVE QUESTIONS? i love ... answering questions ... if you ask me something ill come kiss you.

If someone disagrees to a headcanon of yours, do you want to know why?  —  sure! i dont know why that would happen, though, because i mean ... he’s an OC. but i gues someone could be like “i feel like this is incongruous to things you’ve previously established in his character” or somethin

If someone disagrees with your portrayal, how would you take it?  —  i feel like a lot of b*wie stans would find my version of ziggy weird but i mean thats fine!  i guess my goal is to have a well written character, not necessarily an accurate version of ziggy

If someone really hates your character, how do you take it?  —  if you hate MY version of ziggy thats fine but if u hate ziggy stardust in general (like the bowie concept) then u need some taste what the fuck is cooler than a egomaniac genderless bisexual rockstar alien with red hair? nothing. go back to watching your CW shows you dirty filthy normie

Are you okay with people pointing out your grammatical errors?  —  yes! dm me though. dont clown me on the dash like that.  i usually write your replies 12 AM - 4 AM so it’s expected.

Do you think you are easy going as a mun?   —  hmmm ... maybe! i do like to talk to people and i am VERY nice, trust me, if youre ever sad ill do everything i can to make you feel better. but im quiet! i dont really reach out to people and i tend to just keep to myself.  im not very social or extroverted at all haha i barely can make ooc posts without feeling like god’s coming to beat my head in with a brick. im sitting here at 5:30 AM with this meme feeling like if i post it i will die (BUT I MUST)

[shoppingmauls]

➡ salem blanco for @whistsims​​ 🎠

daredevil / future aspiring veterinarian / tattoo addict / voice claim

you can call her sal, if you want. almost everyone does

a lil rough around the edges, but she’s got a good heart n an unfailing sense of loyalty

shes like chronically incapable of experiencing embarrassment. seriously, it doesnt matter how horribly awkward a situation gets, she will power thru it w a smile n the determination of a thousand men

loves meeting new ppl. she’s chatty by nature n is completely unafraid to strike up conversations w strangers

has a bad habit of oversharing - but she never feels any kinda way abt it (see: chronically incapable of experiencing embarrassment)

yknow that one meme, the “no fear / one fear” one? she’s that meme, except she doesn’t have the ‘one fear’ part. she is no fear all the time (she’s also probably that ‘eyebrows on fleek, dah fuck?’ vine)

she lost that tooth when she was a teenager, she fell off a set of monkey bars while trying to show off... dont tell anyone tho, she prefers to make up a much cooler sounding story whenever someone asks abt it

she loves animals n has always been great w them. caesar milan eat your heart out

she’s a damn good cook, which might be her primary talent. she does tend to make massive portions when she does but listen... a lil leftovers never hurt nobody

got her first tattoo when she was 16, n she’s been addicted to getting them ever since

she was born and raised in windenburg and moved out after high school, to go to college - but that didn’t.. quite work out. she dropped out (it was a finances program she hated) and has been knocking around the city ever since. she may or may not have told her parents about this

kinda wants to start a beauty guru youtube channel, she loves playing in makeup even if she isn’t very good yet

she has a younger brother - frankie - who lives with her now. he showed up on her doorstep one day with a backpack and his laptop and, being the excellent sister she is, she didn’t ask any questions, just let him in

in-game stats:  ↪ young adult | slob / laid-back / natural speaker | part-timer (odd jobs) ↪ aspiration: friend of the animals ↪ skills: media production: 2 | mixology: 3 | cooking: 6 | pet training: 4 | baking: 5 | charisma: 4 | gourmet cooking: 3 | mischief: 3

i havent made a legit fully human sim is so long so this was like. a lot of fun for me? i think i went thru abt four different faces for her before i settled on this one n tbh... i rly love her 🤧 (i have like a dozen other pictures of her i took LMAO) so i hope you love her too!!

as for frankie... he’s just here for a good time tbh. he’s a baby conspiracy theorist and spends most of his time online trying to hack into whatever he can get into. sal doesnt ask too many questions. his traits are [ paranoid | insensitive | mastermind ] & his aspiration is [ nerd brain ] & he has no skills bc... i didnt give him any sdjfsjdg. he’s also a young adult btw!!

[asherlockstudy]

I get that interview was HBO forced but it sounds insane when last season, he was saying Jaime needed to get away from her for good. I mean no nice post about Gwen after the last ep. I dont believe it was about not wanting to stir the hornet's nest if him and B didnt get together as he posted a huge loving one about Lena and that was a very controversial part of the plot. If hed know posted a gwen one saying"sorry JB didnt get a happy ending but here's me and Gwen in happier times" i dont get it

I think it’s very weird too…Imma analyze it. Not that I’m gonna reach any solid conclusion but I will just lay out all my thoughts.

Whatever the reason Nik doesn’t post or reply publicly to Gwen is, it has nothing to do with his personal preference for Braime or Jaime x Cersei. Even if we make the insane assumption that Nik appreciated that Jaime dumped Brienne to return to murderous Cersei and die with her without serving any purpose in the main plot (what lead actor of 8+ years would ever like being unimportant in the ending plot) and saw “pOeTRy” in it, it still doesn’t explain why he should prefer posting about Lena over Gwen. We would be naive to think he made a post about Lena and not Gwen because he prefers Cersei to Brienne. So, we still have no clear evidence of what Nik’s private thoughts and feelings are for his character after the ending. 

Here’s what we have: 

We have two interviews: one with HBO rofl and one with that journalist who collaborates with HBO and was an insider (I’m not gonna search his name) in which he stans Jaime’s choices, his love for Cersei and the tragic poetry in it all. Then we have him promoting the episodes and the documentary in his instagram and twitter, however he is entirely emotionally detached from his character and his fate. I would say he lowkey looks entertained in his weird af episode promo videos and secretly amused while filming the “thank you” video after the last episode where he says “Come on, it was great” and suggests a petition for an Arya (huh?) sequel.

We have two videos uploaded on yt with him: one is a video of a stalker in which Nik looks uncomfortable and passes the question to the random guy next to him who apparently happens to be a GOT fan, have an elaborate opinion on the last season, hate D&D and think they threw away Jaime’s beautiful character arc. What are the odds…The second is a skit in Jimmy Kimmel in which Nik drags his own character by making him stupid and clumsy, a sad little being because of his maiming and, most importantly, an unrepentant sister fucker. All of Jaime’s worst qualities displayed for laughs, plus that he’s actually a likeable but very stupid person. The skit ends with a dragon randomly burning him and his family alive and those credits

So, we have straightforward criticism towards D&D by Kimmel and NCW actually participates in it. This is what this skit means - that this level of writing, this kind of lame character and that ludicrous death is something that only Benioff and Weiss would like to produce. And, well, the Olsen sisters (although I think they’re cleverer than that). 

So, we have two videos where NCW’s intentions are dubious AT BEST. 

Then we have all the promos. When left to speak on his own, Nikolaj would say how the ending was beautiful and made sense and he once mentioned he sent a letter to thank them for this genius plot…Right. But then when asked or caught off guard (1:04): 

Nobody tries to sugarcoat it, look at the title of the video: … NCW is ‘happy’.  Then of course we have our Lady and Saviour Gwen who tries not to laugh as Nik struggles to find what to say and not just stand up and flee.

Also, this one. The best one: 

I could make a thousand gifs for this but just watch again the entire video:

0:07 - Gwen’s face when Nik says he thought the script was fantastic

1:13 - “N-no..NO!!!” when asked if he would change something in the ending and Gwen’s reaction to that. Then, our leader Gwen proceeds to mock him: “So, it’s an immaculate- It’s immaculate?” to which Nik impulsively replies: “NO!” and goes on “do you ever read a book and think you want to rewrite this?” which implies, that yes he would want to rewrite it but knows he can’t. 

(3:03 - 3:06) - VERY IMPORTANT ONE. When Gwen wondered who was closer to predicting the actual ending, Nik says “I was, yeah” and OMG look at Gwen’s face. It’s very subtle but she’s trying to communicate with her eyes a “WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT” to him without being seen by the interviewer. It’s kind of a wife done with her husband’s shit look tbh, that level of subtlety. And Nik answers back with his eyes in equal subtlety and it’s like he says a “What? I truly was right lol….”. To me, this seems to mean that Nik always knew or feared that D&D would eventually destroy all his work and was eventually proven right. Unless this all is about Dany being killed by Jon but I doubt at this point Nik and Gwen cared enough to go all cryptic and eye communicating for this. No, it was about them. 

3:09 - Nik is surprised and then clearly amused at the information by the interviewer that Kit was the one who came closer with his prediction. He can’t hide his smile and says an ironic “good for him” while looking knowingly at Gwen who then says this must be a lie. This shows that it is known amongst the actors that most of them are disappointed and Kit was one of them. Both Nik and Gwen apparently knew Kit hated his ending too and would never expect this to be how the show would wrap up. BTW that writing and that backlash really got to Kit, I hope he recovers soon. But think about this, Kit went into rehab for stress and alcohol, Emilia was devastated and gave a somewhat concerning interview and Nik’s public behaviour regarding GOT is inconsistent and unpredictable. I am thus assuming the writing of the final season and the backlash fucked them up way more than they let on. 

This interview is a gem but here’s the most important part, perhaps the core of what baffles us: 

1:32 - After all the miserable no-nos poor Nik mumbles, Gwen tells Nik what we all think: “I think it’s just a question, you know? Maybe you want to answer it?”

Of course he’s in a total loss for words. Literally, he doesn’t make any sense. Some incoherent sounds come out of his mouth and that’s it. This can mean two things: either he truly thinks the ending is perfect or the ending made him such a mess that he can’t even process it verbally two years later. 

Either Gwen is much braver and Nik is extemely paranoid or Nik actually has many more restrictions in what he is allowed to say. I believe Gwen wanted Nikolaj to be as open as her about it and she still tries to make him open up but he doesn’t. In all the promos without exception, Gwen looks as if she knows Nik is full of shit and secretly agrees with her. If Gwen knows that for a fact, then we can’t argue and it’s actually what makes sense anyway. Nikolaj agrees with Gwen but is not eager to discuss it openly yet, or ever. This could be because he is very professional or because he doesn’t want to get a bad name as a “backstabber” of his projects or it might be a situation of a more sensitive nature. 

If those rumours that the S8 script was changed are true, then Nik and Lena might have had a serious breakdown with D&D and a negotiation might have taken place. For instance, Nik and Lena were really unnecessary in E6, Nik’s scene in E1 could have been eliminated as well and Lena does not appear in E3. Yes, they are big actors but paying them 1,2 million for every episode seems a tad excessive when Emilia and Kit are now famous too and have like 300% times more screentime. All this is wild speculation but maybe they stretched their appearance in the episodes as much as possible and gave them a good amount of money to agree on the butchering of their characters and their importance as former lead actors. I mean, especially Lena was downgraded to a secondary character in this season. Lena had to really fight to see her salary rise in the previous seasons. And now it’s a million for every episode? Wow. How many minutes was she staring out of the window in S8? Maybe they were silenced and payed a shitload of money to stop complaining and promote the show and praise the writing as what it was supposed to be. Maybe they payed them in order to promote Peter, Kit and Emilia for the Emmys instead, who knows. When so much money is involved, things can get frustrating in ways we don’t even fathom. This is wild and rough speculation but all I’m saying is there may be reasons Nik avoids talking freely about his character that we can’t know. 

Besides, it’s not just a Gwen problem. It is not a Gwen problem. Gwen revealed she sent a “Jaime is a fuckboi” meme to Nik privately and he answered playfully as ever (but again as if he’s in denial). They posted a story together a couple of weeks ago. Nik did not just ignore Gwen’s instagram post. Daniel Portman posted the photo and tagged Nikolaj too. Nik ignored him as well. Bryan Cogman, who Nik and Gwen owe a lot to, commented under the photo in a very sweet and emotional way. Guess what, Nik ignored him too! It’s ridiculous to think Nikolaj has stopped communicating and caring about Gwen AND Daniel AND Bryan just because his character returned to Cersei. Furthermore, the fact that they all keep tagging him shows they don’t think their relationships with him have become tense. 

That’s not it. It’s not about Gwen. The only way that Gwen is involved in all this is that she wants Nikolaj to open up so that he would give a little acknowledgement to her character and the relationship with Jaime because she feels very much for Brienne. I’m sad to say, however, that it seems to me that Nik did not take that blow more lightly than Gwen. In fact, his behaviour is more inconsistent and troubling whereas Gwen’s openness about it made her confront that sore subject more healthily after all. I start believing Nik was actually way more devastated than Gwen. At least Brienne remained a decent character, ever faithful to her ideals, ever innerly strong. Jaime was entirely trashed, let alone that he was supposed to be a main character. If Nik can’t even handle a photo that reminds him of his destroyed character arc, I wouldn’t be surprised. Maybe Gwen wants Nik to open up so much for his benefit as well - he keeps it bottled up and she might know first hand how that affects him.

Long story short, the reasons Nik doesn’t post anything about his feelings for Jaime’s character arc, his relationship with Brienne and his collaboration with Gwen probably are both professional, after begrudging deals and agreements and restrictions from HBO, and very personal, inner and private, as he’s still trying to cope with a disappointment that crushed down on him from what used to be his dream job and a role he hoped would be a (or the) peak of his career. I bet all these years Nik was hopeful Jaime would be extremely important and fully redeemed in the end but also extremely scared and anxious that the writers won’t give him what he hoped for and what made sense. Would I exaggerate if I said this should be the biggest professional disappointment he ever experienced, provided that he didn’t like the character’s ending? 

From everything Gwen has said about him, I have surmised that Nik is very emotional and anxious but with a very blasé and superficially amiable attitude. He avoids expessing emotion in real life which is why he might be dissociating a lot lately. He tries to distance himself from that part of Jaime’s character that involved Bryan and Gwen because this is the part that he loved and lost. Honestly, I can’t think of any other logical reason he ignored Gwen, Dan and Bryan one after the other and never made a post about his own character specifically or his good times with Gwen. It’s obviously not that he suddenly hates all of them to the point of not even replying. Even if HBO restricts him on what he can say in interviews for a while, there is no other explanation for this other than that D&D’s genius writing fucked him up emotionally as much as Emilia and Kit and he does not want to deal with it even though Gwen probably thinks it would be for the best if he did. 

Now after I wrote all this, imagine if Nikolaj actually doesn’t give a shit and is just happy going on with his life while I am here wasting time. But… I don’t think so. I will never not believe Nik didn’t love Jaime to pieces. He had big dreams for this role, I am sure of it.