#part of it is like weird and boarded up tho and I'd love to know what Thats about :|

[half-truths-and-hyperbole-louk]

Louk's Bad Batch rewatch part 15 !!! AND part 16 !!!

TWO IN ONE WHAT these eps are kinda short ?? or my thoughts are idk ?? so I put them both together on one post 😬 but anyway let's go batcherssss 🤟

The Bad Batch 1x11

Crosshair you little gremlin 💕

ELENI AND HOWZER 🥺😭🥰👑

can someone please explain to me why Orn Free Taa has extra lekku, weird tiny ears and three fingers instead of four ??? mans looks like a different species 👀

"They fought for us and they have earned our respect" settle down Cham we all know you're gonna change your mind in 5 minutes hush

HERA AND CHOPPER MY BELOVEDS 💕💕💕

"uncle Gobi" 🥺

Hera watching the birds in the sky 🤲 following them with her hands 🥺

Howzer you absolute king 👑

Eleni and Gobi scheming together hehehe

I just know Eleni is SO proud of Hera 🥲 she's so much like her mom fr

"my hope is that you won't ever have to live a life like mine" ~ General Cham Syndulla ... meet General Hera Syndulla

"no take offs or landings" this is actually so adorable tho

Wrecker carrying all the weapons himself like he's only doing one trip with the groceries from the car to the house hehehe

Hera asks about the Marauder and Omega's like 'this beauty' *pat pat*

I wanna see Hunter's face watching Hera and Omega together 🥺

they're besties forever 💕

it's Hera's dream to live on a starship 😭

lmao could've had a bad batch reunion rn but Crosshair had other plans

Omega: ☝"did you know flying is about a feeling?" Tech: I have no idea what this means

Howzer being the only one to question imprisoning a child 😭

Eleni didn't even wait for the speeder to stop moving before jumping out 💅

"attempted assassination of Orn Free Taa" ??? attempted ?? did he not just die ???

The Bad Batch 1x12

"how unfortunate for your people to see your fall" LMAO Rampart I've seen s2 👀

Howzer immediately plotting to save Hera 💕

Hera and Chopper are absolute menaces and I respect them both for it

Gonky being part of the bad batch family 🤲

"you gave her our comm channel?" ~ Hunter is so done pls 😂

Tech: "children often overreact" Omega: "no we don't" YES OMEGA 🙌👑 she is so passionate and caring and loving and loyal I genuinely feel so proud of her 💕

Omega: "isn't that what soldiers do" Hunter: 😯

Wrecker @ Chopper: "what's his problem" how long do you have buddy?

Hera asking them all so desperately to save her family 😭😭😭 she has always cared so deeply

y'all I'm confused did Orn Free Taa actually survive that shot to the head? I feel like Rampart has no reason to lie about it?

they all peeking with their binoculars

Hunter's little 'let's move' gesture 🥰

Hunter hearing the droid and his sneak attack just dropping down on it 👌 bro how did you get up there so fast ??

knife knife knife knife knife knife knife kni-

Tech: "oh good" lolol

Wrecker's face when Hunter says Crosshair knows they're there 😭

Omega grabbing Hera's hand 🤲

Echo's face explaining to Hera why they're after Cham 😭😭

"I don't care about any of that, I just want my parents back" she's just a little kid in the middle of a war she doesn't understand 💔 this is too real and absolutely heartbreaking

"She's trying to save her family Hunter. I'd do the same for you" you tell him Omega 💪👑

Howzer and Crosshair staring at each other.....

Chopper and Hera having a lil chat 🥺

Omega: "he's my brother, they all are" Hera: "you're lucky" she really is 🥺

Howzer is trying so hard to protect Hera even with Cham hating on him and refusing to help save his own daughter 🙃

Omega and Hera came up with a strategic plan and now Hunter's on board 🥰

Tech is worried about them going by themselves 🥲

Echo getting caught scaling the wall: "a little help?" lmaooo

AND Hunter's little "hey" to distract the reg before pulling Echo up 💀

"I won't tell if you wont" lmao I love these two together 💕

Omega: "don't shoot down our shuttle" Tech: "wait what shuttle?!" ~ how many heart attacks does Omega want to give Tech this episode 😂

Hera blowing up an imperial refinery........ 👀

Tech: 'Omega what was that explosion?!?! Omega: hehe don't worry about it 💀

Omega: "do some damage Wrecker" Wrecker: "that I can do!" Wrecker happy makes me happy 🥰

THE TECH TURN THE TECH TURN THR TECH TURN THE RECH TUENCJDIWJXNW

Hunter telling Cham and Gobi that Hera hired them 💀

Hera: "we're getting the hang of this" Tech: "yes your dangerous and uncontrolled manoeuvring is as confusing to them as it is to us 🙂" he is so far past done with them oml 😂

Howzer 💕💕💕💕💕💕

Hunter looking back at him before they leave 😭

Howzer's whole speech in this scene 😭😭😭 it reminds me of Fives giving his pep talk to the cadets 🥲

Hunter sensing Crosshair??? and what if I never stop crying ??

my heart is breaking for Howzer I love him so bad 💔

Wrecker Omega high five 🥺

Tech teaching Hera and Omega 🤲💕

"Tech showed me how to scramble a ships signature" TECH TAUGHT HERA ONE SKILL THAT SAVED HER ASS A MILLION TIMES 😭

"keep an eye on your brothers, they need it" ~ Hera, the wisest person in the show fr

...did Chopper just say "Chopper out"

Crosshair has too many expressions to count this last scene, asking to hunt the batch down... my theory is he never had his chip removed but that venator engine fried it and it slowly stops working... we know that a lot of the chips are slowly starting to stop working in other clones, maybe its the same for Crosshair ?? so he's feeling a lot of confusion at hunting them down ?? maybe idk lol

two more down!!! my internet is still shocking and it's taking me like an hour to watch each ep bc of all the buffering 🥲 but anywayyy thank yalls for joining 💕💕💕

[hexenmond]

my Witch Door fanfiction (long form, wip, looking for alpha/beta readers)

Time to shout from the rooftops again! I finally found a fitting name for the whole series, so now I know how to tag my wip stuff. If you like The Witch Door, and especially if you maybe feel like doing some alpha/beta reading (mostly I need a sounding board), please read on!

Let me bring you (and myself) up to speed: this opus magnum originally started out as a quick oneshot, a little scene that happened following the side comic "Afterparty". Just a tiny little continuation, another meeting in a dream. 2.5k, one-and-done. (This bit is up on AO3, see below.)

And then it grew some fluff. And then it grew some background story. And then all of a sudden there was plot. All the characters from the comic got roped in (except the bird people cause I avoided the main canon plotline). And finally it sprouted original characters as a supporting cast. And uh, I'm still not entirely done…

So, what have we got so far?

This has turned into a five part series which I have decided to name Vem Kan Segla. I'd say about 70% of it are written, and fun to read in my own humble opinion.

(Please note: whenever I say "relationship" that totally includes friend- and other ships!)

Part 1: Exactly as you are 10 chapters, all of them written and theoretically postable (chapter 1 being said "oneshot"). Mostly fluff and developing relationship stuff with a little bit of spicyness, tiny smidgen of – hurt? angst? I'm actually not sure. But mostly Jousia and Jesse figuring out what they are to each other, with only one chapter from another person's point of view (Tzofiya my beloved!).

Part 2: The choices we make Picks up just after the end of part 1. Starts out angsty and gets progressively worse. The first ten chapters all end with cliffhangers, and after a brief respite there's a chapter or three of hurt no comfort before we get a happy ending. (It does leave a lot of plot lines unresolved though.) Nilsa and Katariina play a major part in this as well. This is mostly written except for some bits that need filling out, maybe 2k of missing words all in all.

Part 3: Family found Picks up right after the end of part 2. More plot! Some drama! More relationship developments! Honest talking about difficult things! The spicyness gets weird! There are even more characters! And the ending is done, and it's the happiest ending I could possibly have written. There's one character literally rolling on the floor bed laughing.

This part is where things start to get so complex that I really would love to be able to bounce ideas around with somebody, help me get all these flighty ducks in a row.

(Katariina is meeeee staring at my disjointed wip snippets for parts 3 and 4!)

Part 4: (no title yet) This will be full of beautiful domestic happiness, more relationships developing, slice of life stuff. Even a little bit of romance, if you will. And then three people die and it gets very sad. The remaining loose threads get wrapped up, and there's a peaceful ending.

This is the wobbliest bit… it might even turn into two parts, I really can't say yet. I'd love a sounding board person or three.

Part 5: Epilogue This will be only one chapter, but a long one. Haven't written a single word down but it's perfectly finished in my head. Picks up six months after the end of part 4, has a happy fairly ending (considering that nobody gets resurrected).

Intrigued?

If you don't want to dive in yet because you can't deal with the cliffhangers while waiting for updates, I have a progress tracker online on AO3 where you can see each chapter's degree of completion. This is also where I will post in-depth content warnings that contain spoilers once part 2 starts going up.

If you're curious but new to The Witch Door or otherwise taking a backseat for now, I shall post snippets and bits of what I've written over the next weeks under the tag #vem kan segla, so feel free to follow that and see if you like it!

And finally for those who have already read the comic and side comic, the first five chapters are online on AO3 if you want to check that out.

Thank you, and enjoy Ulriikka's fluffiness!

[moonblossom-bunny]

Been stuck with an Oswald the lucky rabbit AU idea for the last week now and I figured I'd share the unrefined layout of this thing here.

I call this AU the 'Ozzie's multiverse diner AU'. (Might workshop that name tho)

It takes place in a Toons are actors/House of mouse like setting.

Disney still got Oswald's rights back in 2007. Everything he was in irl happened as well.

But over the next decade the studio hasn't asked him to be part of big projects like Epic Mickey and he realizes he's only being used for merch bc he has a marketable face and not much else.

Kind of bitter about that and knowing he's in the public domain anyway, Oswald decides it's time for a career change. That he was promised a show and that it got canned is actually the deciding factor with this.

No more hoping to be in the limelight for two seconds tops and waiting for another ten years until he's asked to be in a project.

He can't really retire either bc he has a family to look after. So with the funds he has, he manages to buy and renovate an 50's styled diner and turns it into Ozzie's.

------

. Oswald is the chef/fry cook as well as the owner.

. Although he used to love being in the spotlight, all the empty promises the studio made him has turned him away from that. So he rarely leaves the kitchen of the diner.

. He does interact with patrons, but mostly around opening and closing time, or if they end up ordering something insane and off menu. He gets currious usually about who tends to have such a liking to weird food combos.

. He actually adores it when he can get creative with his dishes and patrons order something wild. It makes his whole day.

. Ortensia is there too of course. She is the head waitress and the offers advice and an listening ear to those who need it.

. Two of their eldest children help her out most of the time too, when they are not busy with their own work or school.

. Oswald and Ortensia don't have 420 bunny children of their own in this AU. Instead they have 13 and the bunny children used for the Epic Mickey games were 25 or so "extras" who tend to look alike at their young age. Making it seem there were a lot of them in the games.

. Both of them attempted to adopt them as their own though, but studio meddling prevented them from doing so.

. Speaking of studio and company meddling. Ozzie's is located across the street from the now boarded up and unused House of Mouse previously run by Mickey. The building still stands unused because the company no longer saw profit it letting Mickey keep the place, even though he really wanted to.

. Oswald is very determined to not have the same thing happen to his diner.

.That's why he's opening his doors to everyone and not exclusively characters from Disney.

.Characters from videogames, comic, other cartoons etc. All are welcome at Ozzie's even if they don't feel welcome anywhere else. (Hence the multiverse part of the AU)

.That doesn't mean the diner is currently a big hit yet. Since it's located in a more quiet part of town.

. The diner also has a downstairs bar/nightclub hidden away. Dusty remains left from the prohibition years.

.Ozzie's doesn't have a liqor license atm though, but Mickey has expressed a willingness towards reopening it and turning it into a bar of sorts, but so far Oswald isn't on board with the idea yet.

That's all I have so far.

Haven't worked on an AU in a long time, but hoping to expand on this in the near future.

[somewhereinthepines]

Happy New Year! I hope it has been treating you well so far. I come to you with another ask, possibly the first of the year? Lol.

In an old ask, you said that Chris in GP is more of a creeper (vouyer, etc), and that after what Ryan is gonna do next, what Chris does that is already creepy will no longer be harmless. And it's had me thinking for a long time, like, dang, that is ominous, and what does it mean. I know you're busy with things and invested in other fandoms, which is why I appreciate you still answering my asks about GP. So, ik you don't wanna give it away, so without spoiling what's to come, how is Chris's creepy habits/behaviours gonna evolve?

It's just really interesting to me how you write him, as he's really complex, and us not seeing his perspective this time makes him even more interesting. So it got me wondering how he's gonna be when the jig (well, part of it) is up. I know you said before that he wouldn't feel so threatened by Dylan anymore, and they couldn't be an open/normal couple for reasons. But like...I've just been thinking here, about how different things might be between them once they are both on the same page. How Chris will evolve and Ryan too. Like you said, he isn't rlly as 'good' as he lets Chris believe. I remembered that one au idea you mentioned one time, about Ryan being jealous of Dyan/others that he thinks are Chris's new faves. It got me thinking that maybe Ryan will maybe get comfy admitting a thing or two to Chris. Something tells me he isn't gonna be as shy as he was in ASB, haha.

It got me imagining a scene of them in bed, maybe just waking up, maybe both just laying there, and Ryan could be curled around Chris and just quietly admits that he gets jealous thinking of non-existant competition, lol. Like, the thought of Chris being pursued or shown interest by someone else makes Ryan jealous, and he doesn't like it. GP Chris seems the more likely to accept that info, and maybe feel satisfaction with it? Bcs as you'd said, once Ryan shows him proof that he wants Chris not Dyan, then he's secure bcs Ryan chose him. So it's maybe a lil treat for him, yk since he's been so bothered by Dylan before. It's just a small silly imagine, kinda like one of Ryan's first awkward attempts at pillow talk, haha.

He just puts it out there after a bit, his hand on Chris's chest and all. This is random, but I love that you described Ryan in chap 1 sneaking a look at his chest hair peeking out his shirt. And just admiring him as a whole, knowing that he's being kinda weird about it in his head. Our guy is down bad for real, I love that detail, tho. Man's is obsessed. And I love that even with Chris's hidden nature just under the surface, Ryan is still like 'Yeah, I'm still on board...he's kinda being weird, and it's bothering me a bit...but that's still my man." I'm looking forward to seeing what Ryan does and how that's gonna go down with Chris. I know he's gotta be having a midlife crisis in his office after Ryan's snooping. I'm also loving the wolf patterns peeking through. It's both interesting, thrilling, and creepy to see from him.

I'd say sorry for the long ramble ask, but I think we're past that, lmao. In 2024, I accept my fate of long-winded rambles just being a thing I'll always do, haha.

heya! and a happy new year to you too! i also hope, that it treats you well! as for me, i’m fine! kinda working on things between the jobs and such, haha. and yeah, your ask is the first one! i will take this as a good omen. i love your asks! i honestly think that a detailed review or question is the highest praise and treat an author can get! 

and oh don’t worry, i do love asks about supermassive! and i do love asks about chris/ryan, even if i’m currently invested in other pairs/fandoms. like, how do i say it? i guess, that i mostly just collect all my fav things into one big mental basket, so technically i don’t lose love or interest for them, merely letting them lie there for time being, while i’m playing with some other characters and setups. i guess, i’m kind of person, who if they fall in love with some narratives or elements of certain characters/ships, i just sorta keep returning to them, when i feel a flicker of interest beckoning me back to them. 

but anyways! i’d say, that GP not only explores the darker underbelly of chris’s nature, but it also applies to ryan as well. they’re a perfect match in my head for a reason, haha. i suppose, that everything that i ever shipped can be broken down to the notion of how they can make one another better, but how they also can make one another worse. in GP, chris and ryan are pretty much about to do the latter, haha. but as for chris, specifically, well, he’s still trying to be somewhat decent, but he’s also kind of a man, who's at the end of his rope, so to speak. things don’t go all that great for him, and that one good thing, that he has is just endlessly tempting and ‘messing’ with him (from his perspective). it’s hard for him to not see this as an ‘invitation’ to continue his inappropriate behavior, even if he himself knows that it’s just an excuse. but it’s all the excuse that he needs at this point, really. just not be met with disgust or downright fear. and naturally, since ryan knows no better, he doesn’t view chris’s behavior as smth, that is absolutely hideous and dangerous. nope. ryan just being ryan, so he’s confused and kinda annoyed at worst. it’s basically the same as dangling a piece of fresh meat in front of a hungry wolf, and be surprised, when it snaps its jaw, not even around the piece of meat, but the wrist of a person, who holds it. it doesn’t want the meat, it wants the one who brought the meat, bc they’re a tease. what i’m trying to say, is that while in ASB chris was somewhat alright with taking things slow, and he wanted them slow for ryan’s sake, in GP, he can no longer be satisfied with just some rutting and a kiss or two. considering this, he also won’t be alright with just looking either. and you expect this kind of aggressive pushiness from emma or whoever else, when they were on the verge of becoming a werewolf, but it’s mostly bc of idk, they’re young, i guess. no one there had an esp fucked up backstory or whatever. well, maybe laura, bc she was kept hostage by a man, who was weird toward her, and she got her eye clawed out, but it’s also all low-key her own fault in a way lol. in comparison to all those examples, chris is a man with messed up childhood, messy adulthood, and bunch of uncatered needs (considering we follow my fanon, where he’s pretty much a closeted dude and was this for years). it is scary to picture what his aggression will look like lol. like in private. toward a person he loves and pins for. but who for a change pins back. 

and yeah, part of why GP is ryan-centric, bc it is so much more tense and confusing to not know what chris thinking. he’s a ‘weird’, predatory dude in this, and it surely would have put one more in ease, if they knew what he’s really thinking and why he does what he does. but since the reader shares experience with ryan in this one, there is a lot of that confusion. sure, we know things that ryan doesn’t, but concerning chris himself….well, it’s still a dark spot for everyone. but then again, if we flip the tables, just like in ASB, chris might be just as unsure about wtf ryan is doing or why. and as things progress, i think that he will find himself taken aback by certain stuff, that ryan capable of, bc he’d never suspected him to be anything, but that awkward shy boy, that kinda relies on him for advice. 

considering, the admission of jealousy, i can see chris being surprised by it, bc it never occurred to him, that ryan can even be worried about such a thing. i suppose, inside chris’s own head, ryan being his only ever favorite is just so cemented and natural, that he never pictured anyone else in his place. so if anything, ryan prob be the one more satisfied here, haha. tho if chris admitted, that he was jealous of dylan, ryan would also be like ‘lol why’. he never saw dylan in that light. then yeah, chris be like ‘oh, okay’ and smile, bc it’s nice to know that they’re on the same page. so stupidly committed to one another, that they both wouldn't even notice, if other people showed interest in them. also i picture, that ryan’s pillow talk won’t be much better, than his flirting skills. like, he was that pushy in ASB bc he literally have no idea how to be ‘sneaky’ or graceful about showing someone, that he fancies them. honestly, when i write characters attempting to be seductive, they either got it or they do not. i mean, some people know how to throw a rock at the water and make it do that bouncy thingy, which is pretty smooth and elegant. others would just throw that rock into the water, and create a splash, and that’s pretty much it, haha. maybe, not as impressive, but perhaps, at times more effective. ryan is kinda the latter type. he just does a thing, and chris has to stand there and deal with it. but to be fair, out of all characters who i ever written, ryan doesn’t have the worst flirting skills. or even the worst ways to get attention / get his feelings to be known. in fact, compared to some, he prob a freaking guru at this, haha. 

oh, i’m glad that you liked that lusty bit, haha. i kinda wanted to show right away, that i imagine ryan to be generally into older males, not boys of his own age. like compared to that hairy chest, mainly build and muscle, dylan has nothing to show with his baby features. but considering how ryan is in GP, dylan should count it his blessing, that ryan not interested in him for a few reasons. one of which would have prob gotten him killed. and yeah, ryan is canonically obsessed with chris tbh, i just took it to a new level, haha. if ryan wasn’t all that shaken up by piling up corpses, somehow still insisting, that mister h have nothing to do with it…..well, that guy was already a lost case! now, he’s just like well, yeah, intuitively knows that smth is a ref flag, but still digs it. as for chris, his life just gets harder and harder by day lmao. 

and ah, no problem, honestly! in a way, i always feel better, when someone talks as much as i do, bc i know that it won’t bother them as much. i know some folks be like ‘wow, wall of text, nope’. but i love wall of text! i talk in walls of text and it’s kinda a mystery to me how someone would not do that, esp if they’re passionate or interested in subject. 

[hopetorun]

behind the scenes for wait a year (which i just reread and continue to be delighted by)

okay this is technically a little less than half of this scene but the full scene is almost 4k (it's by far the longest scene in this story, almost a quarter of the story is this scene) but here's some commentary on the part before they start actively having sex, lol

The most surreal thing that happens in Prague is that they win, [truly this is one of the most improbable and self-indulgent things i've ever put into a hockey fic. tho the original outline of this story had them winning gold at the 2026 olympics together and then i realized i'd lose my mind writing two different fics in two different versions of 2026, and that i'd have to fill three and a half whole years of story in] an overtime goal shoveled in on a rebound by a kid named Ryan Chesley that Luke played with in Michigan [i thought this was a real guy for some reason but the only ryan chesley i can find plays for the university of minnesota ... who knows] and who spent the first week of the tournament sitting next to Quinn at every meal to ask him questions about the NHL. Quinn’s on the ice with him when the puck goes in, the horn goes, the arena full of Czech fans goes suddenly silent except for the screaming directly in Quinn’s ear. [my sincere apologies to the czech men's national ice hockey team and also their faithful fans attending the game. i do feel bad but they had to beat someone]

It still feels great to be slammed into the boards by the weight of his whole team, and as the cheers on the ice start to die down Quinn can hear a few from the crowd, too. And it’s still a win, a gold medal that’ll be draped around all their necks, another item for the list of things he and Brady have done together.

Quinn stands next to Brady when they line up for the anthem, Brady’s arm draped over his shoulder and Brady’s voice loud in his ear. Quinn leans in closer, unable to resist the pull of him, and Brady tightens his arm around Quinn’s shoulders as the final notes of the anthem play, and it’s like something out of a dream. [brady is SO physically affectionate and i spent a lot of time really carefully threading this needle of making him even more obviously so than usual and still keeping quinn unaware of brady amping it up] A weird hybrid of present and memory that comes together as feeling entirely outside of reality.

After—after the medal ceremony, after the champagne and beer in the locker room, after the team shuffles through a series of bars, after Quinn tries more Czech beers than he thought existed—after all that, Brady catches his eye and grins and Quinn follows him out onto the street without a second thought. [i didn't want quinn to seem like a pushover in this story, or like he isn't an active participant in this relationship or friendship because he very much is, but he is willing to let brady be in charge of things pretty often, and brady also knows him very well and makes sure things are the way quinn would want them. because he's in love] He doesn’t even know what Brady has in mind. The smell is wearing on Quinn, the walls and wooden seats oozing smoke even though no one inside is smoking, and the air outside is crisp and clear. [i learned many facts about prague for this fic and one of them was that smoking in restaurants was only banned there pretty recently]

Prague is pretty cool, with red-roofed buildings and old, winding streets and stone bridges arching over the river. [google search pictures of prague] Quinn wouldn’t mind actually getting to explore instead of being shuffled from the hotel to the arena to the practice facility.

Brady knocks his shoulder against Quinn’s, startling him out of his thoughts. “I think I’m just about done for the night,” he says. “I can’t keep up with those kids anymore.” [this is a lie. brady can keep up with the kids. he's just more interested in having sex with quinn. or going for a walk with quinn. really whatever as long as quinn is there]

He doesn’t seem particularly drunk, to be honest. Quinn’s seen him drunker, Quinn’s seen him puking in bushes and falling asleep in strangers’ beds. Right now he’s a little pink in the face, but he isn’t slurring or stumbling or even rambling. It is late, though, and they played a hard game today, 12 minutes of overtime before the goal horn sounded. And Quinn’s had a lot of beer, even if he isn’t really feeling it either. Maybe in the tips of his fingers, but maybe that’s just Brady’s proximity and the way Quinn wants to reach for him. [quinn ... you're so in love]

There’s no one around who would even notice if he did.

“Me neither,” he says. “You gonna head back to the hotel?”

Brady nods. “I think we could walk,” he says. “I don’t think it’s far.”

It’s a clear night, stars sprinkled through the sky and a crescent moon overhead. According to Google Maps on Brady’s phone, the walk back to the hotel will take 20 minutes and take them across one of the bridges. The night air feels nice after so many hours of sweaty teammates and cramped, hot bars and beer breath. [this is very Rule of Romantic, i feel like a cab would be much more plausible but a tipsy nighttime stroll in the moonlight ... so good for being in love]

Halfway across the bridge, Brady nudges Quinn’s shoulder again, and then he catches Quinn’s hand in his own. [this scene, and the one shortly after where they go out to dinner, are both very much meant to feel like what the relationship progression would've been if they started dating in high school, going for walks together and tentatively holding hands etc] He’s never done that before. Quinn refuses to read anything into it. It’s just Brady doing that thing where he doesn’t know how to be casual.

On the other side of the bridge, half a block down an empty cobblestone street, Brady presses him against a wall and kisses him. It’s not really a surprise, not after last summer, but it feels completely different. This isn’t part of Quinn’s life. He might never come back to this city, and even if he does come back here, probably for some other IIHF tournament at some point, he might never walk down this street again. He isn’t going to walk past this spot and think about the time Brady kissed him here, the way Brady’s mouth moved against his and the warmth of Brady’s hand on his side, distracting even through the material of Quinn’s shirt. [is this a good thing or a bad thing? quinn's not sure yet]

Quinn kisses him back, of course, slides his mouth across Brady’s and his hand along Brady’s side. The stone is cool against his back, and Brady’s mouth is forceful against his. Not rough, not biting, but Quinn would have to push him away to break the kiss.

He doesn’t want to push Brady away, and when Brady does pull away, Quinn chases his mouth. Brady indulges him with another kiss, shorter and softer, and then kisses his cheek instead. [brady ... this boyfriend behavior ...]

“Wanted to do that since you set Chesser up with that saucer in OT,” Brady says, and his breath is hot against Quinn’s cheek. [a fun fact about me is that i cannot use sauce in the slang sense of pass in any way with a straight face and i did in fact grimace as i wrote this line but. these dumb boys do say these things] The problem, the one that Quinn’s been trying to ignore since the first moment that Brady laughingly suggested kissing him, is the one that Quinn always knew was simmering under the surface: the moment Brady became someone he might be able to have, he stopped wanting anyone else. [oh i was so proud of this line. i am proud of it tbh! obviously it's not consciously in quinn's internal monologue throughout the story but i hope the idea was kind of infused in so it doesn't come totally out of left field]

Quinn tangles his hand in Brady’s hair as best he can, and yanks Brady’s mouth back to his. Brady lurches forward, and the medal hanging around his neck hits Quinn’s chest before it settles, dangling between them. [is this how physics works? i sure hope so] Quinn doesn’t like the space there, and he arches off the wall to feel Brady’s chest against his own instead.

He kissed Brady so much last summer, but he’s still not used to kissing someone that much taller than him, the way he has to tilt his head up, how much longer Brady’s limbs are than his own. He’s not used to it, but he does like the way Brady towers over him, corners him against the wall, presses forward until Quinn’s entirely surrounded by him. [tying back to brady right after the game, draped all over quinn, always touching him :))))] He’s not used to it but part of him wants to be, wants to get to do this until it starts to feel normal.

Now’s not the time to think about that. Now’s the time to kiss Brady until his lips are sore, until they’re both panting, and then to slide his hand down to Brady’s ass and squeeze hard enough that he understands what Quinn wants out of this.

It also makes Brady’s hips hitch forward against his, rough friction for a few breaths, and Quinn doesn’t even bother trying to hide the way it makes him gasp. It’s not like Brady doesn’t know what he likes.

Brady bites Quinn’s earlobe before he pulls away, and then scrapes his teeth down the side of Quinn’s neck. Quinn didn’t used to like having this much biting involved in sex, but it’s Brady. So far, he hasn’t found anything he doesn’t like when it’s with Brady. [quinn ... buddy ... more broadly i really enjoy poking at concepts like the things people do because the person they love wants them, someone else being so into something that you enjoy it even if it's not your thing, etc etc. not a lot of detail on it in this story but it was def on my mind]

“You wanna head back to the hotel?” Brady asks. His voice is rough. Quinn squeezes his ass again. Watches Brady’s eyes fall shut for a moment. “Jesus,” he says. [quinn does really enjoy getting to throw brady a little off balance]

“Yeah, I wanna go back to the hotel,” Quinn says. He doesn’t sound any better than Brady.

“Thank God,” Brady says. And then he kisses Quinn again, stepping somehow closer so that Quinn is more thoroughly pinned but also so that they’re pressed together, almost hip to hip. Quinn rolls his hips a couple of times to feel the drag of his cock on the inside of his pants. Not what he wants but better than nothing at all, and it’s pretty satisfying when it makes Brady swear under his breath, too.

“Fuck,” Brady mumbles. “I gotta—”

He fumbles for his phone in his back pocket.

Matthew was still at the bar when they left, and Brady must be texting him to find somewhere else to crash. Maybe in the morning they’ll regret giving him that kind of ammunition, [matthew's inclusion in this story is partially just a function of it being a gift for becky, though also partially as a brothers counterpoint to jack, but i did amuse myself imagining what a nightmare he'd be to brady about this] but right now Quinn just wants to get his hands on Brady’s skin, his mouth on the muscles of Brady’s stomach, the thin skin of his hips and collarbone, the tender spots on his neck. He spent the whole season trying not to remember how well he learned Brady’s body last summer, but it’s all rushing back now. Brady’s hand is already curled around his hip, fingers pushing under the waistband of Quinn’s pants, nails scraping a tender spot above his hip where he would leave marks with his mouth and then push his thumb into them until Quinn hissed. [being familiar with someone's body ... good]

“Come on,” Quinn says, pushing Brady away from him. There are things Quinn wants to do to him—with him—that he’s not going to do on a side street in Old Town Prague, even after midnight when there’s no one around. He does not want to have to call his parents, or worse, Matthew, to explain that they got arrested for public indecency in Czechia. [this would be a nightmare for them but very funny for me]

“Right,” Brady says. He’s distracted, his hand sliding from Quinn’s hip to his ass, fully under his pants now.

“Brady,” Quinn hisses. “Hotel. We can be naked in a hotel.”

That does get a pleased noise out of Brady, and then a transparent leer.

“You know, you’re hotter now than you were when I said I’d marry you,” Brady says. [i don't think of brady as a particularly self-aware guy, which tangentially is why i find his pov really hard to write, and to some extent he isn't entirely aware of what he's going with quinn in this fic. he gets there quicker, and he's fully willing to go with the flow of stumbling into a relationship, but he is very much in the middle before he realizes he's begun, as it were. but the pin drops for him like ... on their romantic prague vacation] Quinn absolutely cannot think about this. He cannot think about marrying Brady, the stupid deadline that creeps closer every year, and then go to a hotel in Prague and beg Brady to fuck him. [oh but you very much can, quintin] “Good taste from me, I think,” Brady continues. “Got in there before anyone else did.”

[castle-dominion]

castle 5x18 the wild rover

plot heavy episode, at least backstory heavy for ryan. I was SO excited during my family watch when I realized this was the episode. I'd seen gifs & read fics & I was stoked. I'll only be able to watch part of it today since I need to leave for work.

Me, a baker: Nice! The crime scene: Me: Not nice!

HOW did he say the name? Jordan can be a man... KB: Castle, I know nothing. Nothing is a dear friend of mine and this is not nothing.

He is SO defensive lol sleep interrogations XD KB: Who says I haven’t already?

Lots & lots of fabric EW CASTLE CRIME SCENE NOT EVEN DEAD MAN'S CUPCAKE BUT BLOOD SPATTER even tho there was likely none there

11.30 or 23.30? Good for him knowing his cars Haha dough. I thought esposito made that pun intentionally Quick maths? (why did I pluralize it?)

Only twice a week? Oh yeah lol this guy has access to all sorts of products & chemicals & machines as a baker.

Hey we get to see ryan's apartment! Jenny (O'Malley) Ryan: Which means you should probably … Me: *confused* Me: *FIGURES IT OUT AFTER I REMEMBER WHAT SORT OF DOCTOR THEY ARE GOING TO* It wouldn't be your fault hun, even if it is your problem. These two are so so cute. Ok I'm clipping that.

RC: I'm going to ignore that Maybe he was planning a new location

Ooh irish mob, remember finn rourke & detective slaughter & the previous episodes where anything was mentioned Ok so the way we count syllables is weird. Irish gaelic (gaelge) has two letters because it gives buffer room between consonants. S is often sh usually when followed by an e or an i or smth, & mh or bh are just like th or ch, it changes the way it is pronounced, usually to a v, sometimes to a w depending on where u are. It is pheonetic! Just a different language! This is the part of the episode I realized what we were watching!

She only knows his as jimmy the baker. She looks so anxious here.

Ryan is back good for him. RC: How did the thing go �� with the uh, you know. Do the thing with the thing and give the thing to the doctor. I could clip that lmao ESPOSITO SHUT UP Clip this now His eyes He is not even really kissing her *slaps him twice* THIS WAS .. FUN Edit: someone has it already

lots of clips now heheheh

*asks esposito bc obv he would know*

Love the b plot "this is normal" Man looks mad Only sees bobby s now instead of earlier when he looked at the murder board FRIENDS BACK IN THE DAY? WHAT KIND OF CREW?

UNDERCOVER!?!?!?!?!?!?!? RC: I love complicated!

Why wouldn't you want to leave tho? for her? or for more? Clipping that too "cop"

"just the wife" bro? gay.

Of course he's heard of kevin ryan, even tho it has been 7 years, this is his case! They're impressed & esposito is mad that he didn't tell him

Why would you write down all your illegal stuff like that? I've met ppl who /want/ to make spreadsheets but don't, & ppl who write their stuff but in code Ryan acting like he still knows her, acting like he's still in the mob like "she wouldn't snitch"-- in fact it was weird how she kissed him like girl it has been seven years of COURSE he has moved on You left & she fell on hard times!? Oh no now he feels guilty/ Another jimmy who is a rat? She can... You only found her bc of phone records YOU walked away ryan He is protecting her Wow that's messed up a bit Like with the Ben kid, doesn't want to send someone in unprotected

SOD: Look at you, telling the truth. >:(

You? You are not on the crew bro Yeah BACK THEN not NOW Ryan ryan my dude careful, you don't know if your oconnell cover is still good

Clipping this quote: How long has law enforcement been after that bible? Fifteen? Twenty years? Huh? These guys are drug dealing parasites. When are you going to get another shot to wipe them all out? Look, you want the bible. We want Bobby S for murder. Siobhan wants to keep breathing. Everybody wins. I can do this.

not this one tho SOD: What are you doing? Are you out of your mind? KR: I was Fenton. I can be him again. SOD: Don’t get yourself killed on my account. KR: All right, yeah, you hate me. I get that and I deserve it. But do you want to be put in Witness Relocation or not? Yes or no? SOD: nods. Agent Walker: Detective? Were you serious about that offer? KR turns to him. He thinks for a second & then nods.

Yeah 7 years is a long time bro, he's right course there's a new heirarchy thats how things work they change over time like seven years Martha acting lessons Sad, his wife won't kiss him goodbye Castle & esposito & beckett too watching him in there getting an ID card Nooo they are cutting his hair Wow ugly hair but hey nice outfit, even if it doesn't look like smth he usually wears But I legit cut my own hair a few days after this episode & we actually have similar hair again XD The "I am fenton o'connell" lines throughout that was hhhh I am clipping this right now right now lsdjfskdfj but I have to get ready for work in 15 minutes edit:

I clipped it but I didn't have to

Love how esposito is the taxi driver lol also question: what if he was walking down the street one day & saw someone from the old crew? What then? I mean it's new york nobody looks at anybody but still Of COURSE you don't like it

JE: (sighs) I don’t like this, bro. You don’t have a wire. No locator. ((but u have a cell phone that they can track right?)) KR: If I did, Bobby S would find it. This is the way it’s gotta be, man. ((I haven’t mentioned yet but I like how they call him bobby s, maybe there is a bobby r or a bobby m somewhere)) JE: What’s the name of Agent Walker’s informants who’ll vouch for you? KR: The Mason brothers. Matt and Tony. JE: Where did you do your last stretch? ((interrogating him lol, but r u allowed to know this?)) KR: Elmira, for man 1. Can even tell you my cell number. I know what I’m doing, okay? JE: isn’t convinced. JE: What about Siobhan? KR: Our plan is solid. (he nods like he’s convincing himself, too) I got this. KR: hands him so cash to keep his cover. KR: See you on the other side, partner. JE: Mm-hmm.

Called Kelly's but Siobhan owns it lol also, nice place, must actually run nicely, owning a bar or restaurant takes a lot of work

Tbh it looks like nobody recognizes him. Like he expects to be recognized (after seven years) & ppl are like "what are you standing there for?" not "do I know you?" Oh & NOW people are recognizing him

Siobhan meeting again but pretending it is the first time in years lol. Clipping the punch As long as she keeps her hands off of me

Pushes him back a bit & trying to touch her Maggie got married since u knew her (so siobhan maybe "fenton" got married since you knew him, why would you assume that you can still kiss him after all this time?) How much of that was acting? bc they've already met each other again so they can't just "be" themselves they need to meet each other & then they can be who they are. also funny how she is literally an fbi informant & she was mad that he was a cop

Finally back & able to finish this after like a week ugh & it's already 11.30 bc I couldn't wake up

JE: I’m telling you, man. He’s not the Ryan I know. And I’m not just talking about the haircut and the clothes. It’s like he’s a different dude. ((That's the point)) RC: That’s what he’s supposed to be. He’s in character. He’s Fenton. That’s good. JE: Yeah, but what if he’s not good enough? After seven years he’s gotta be rusty. And these Staten Island boys are no joke. ((That is a good argument...)) Don't want to clip this, but I COULD

Define Yonkers what if it was NOT bobby s tho?

So valid bestie (not clipping it but yeah I NEVER take my phone in when I go to confession. But why was it on when he handed it to liam?) "What'll the missus think?" you know what? I WILL clip this. he's such a Different Person

Bobby is SO pissed at fenton He knows... btw what is up with the accent? I can't tell but it's def there Who's Ben Gideon? Ah & there is where the mason brothers come into play

Wild Rover from the song he was always a rat lmao btw my man has some weird glass sculptures that are shaped like guns & it is,,, something alright Prodigal son? Irish catholics my beloved this is going to be clipped right here Liam SO wants to lol HOLY CRAP trust, brotherhood, fuck-ed-up-ed-ness, this is great. He looks so "hhhh" once he hugs him & liam is just there & omg sdjfah

That wink he gives to siobhan, I could clip that if I wasn't low on time

Clippin this tho If I wasn't watching this with my family I would have literally pulled out my bible from my jeanjacket pocket to find this verse but I knew what it was going to be. But seriously who has them memorized? I only have, like, three verses memorized IF that. this is the day that the lord has made let us rejoice and be glad in it psalm 118:4 & the lord said "let there be light" & light was made genesis 1:3 Only the wicked run when there is no-one chasing them; the righteous are as bold as a lion proverbs 28:1 except I didn't know the corresponding verse for that last one. & ofc everyone knows the corinthians one about love, 1:13, & that one from John (I had to look it up bc I didn;t know the quote nor the verse but thankfully it is famous enough that I got it) 3:16

Check it out, as you should.

What's between these two? Oh wait yeah it is the problem with Jordan. RC:Ah. Perhaps Bobby S had an accomplice. A cold-blooded, murderous sheep. 14 grand? wowie. Yeah THAT was too much fiber, it was DEF planted.

How do you communicate?

Also it has been a night already at least, where is fenton staying? where was he staying before he waltzed into the bar? transcript is incorrect, it is "you know" not "yo" but w/e. Also ryan my man why take off your hood now? Man could use a hat, probs one of those hats that all my irish canadian shetland canadian french canadian ukranian canadian metis fiddle friends wear, it would fit in fine

Esposito hkhjdfkghfjh reminder to myself: talk about the clip when u post it bc there is too much to talk about jshskdjfhskjdhfsjkfhs

He loves her, honestly. But don't kiss her He got her a toy at a ring toss uwu "unlike you" but don't kiss her oh thank goodness

lmao he says waceway not raceway ALL OF THE METRO CARDS!?

I like how they are all old-style phones EXCEPT for his who's fast eddie? Also Liam just standing there (man looks good tho, I like his shirt) & btw when DID ryan learn to play such good pool? (I feel bad for the audio director battling with the visual director over the pool balls) These two REALLY ARE friends who's keane? Also why is liam allowed his phone? & keane just said there WAS a rat, he might have said "u got a rat but you were wrong abt who it was" bobby's eyes what went ALL the way around, was that on purpose? bc that's heck of math there hit the head? Is that another version of hit the hay?

walking right in, I thought For Sure someone would be there NO WHAT IF IT IS THE WRONG SAFE OH NO THE MONEY IS WRONG HE'S GOING TO NOTICE oh thank goodness he didn't look over to see if the bible was there, but he KNOWS smth is up

*o'connell leaves from that same room* who calls someone sport except for dads? Take a ride? Jesus carrying his own cross Ok THAT was sus af, but I mean, if I was a drug supplier then I would also be scared, even if I was not an undercover pig.

(I thought that was the time he did the thing, you know, got the thing off of liam & made the connection, but in the next scene esposito is calling him, calling ryan's phone ofc but still)

Why did Jenny come here? Did they call her here? Love, my dude. Ah yes, not one single reason, many of them Ah HERE is esposito on the phone

I realized this the other day & didn't have access to tumblr & I wasn't even watching but Ryan/fenton Asks Liam Out Loud

fenton/ryan is so short compared to liam also I was SO excited seeing this scene bc I had seen it before in gifs & stuff

Ok so she got nabbed by the cops two days ago so fenton has only been back for two days? they totally could have made this a two part episode. Anyway my point was two days ago & suddenly fenton oconnell shows up mysteriously again & is talking with siobhan, of COURSE they know he's in on it

Oh to PROVE he knew nothing heck man this is a heck of a story (also if he pulled it out of his waistband u know he had no bullet in the chamber & safety on, so you SHOULD check the gun.)

My man would shoot bobby s? a man fenton considered to be a friend even if ryan was trying to take him down? Is that... legal?

Siobhan saying that is not helping his case (& he cocks the gun but he really should not, JUST IN CASE it was already cocked & had a bullet in the chamber, you could have just clogged the gun.) & the music is so good

So... so shoot him yeah lol ofc it was empty

Why r u just giving away your full name lol b'y idk if u can place em under arrest when it is liam, keane, bobby s, & some other ppl too & then also reverse pick pockets? voice so deep when he yells, love it, & calls him javi, I've seen a clip of this so I know it exists & I don't need to clip it myself but I'm tempted to. Maybe later if I don't have to give back these CDs as soon as I thought. Edit: found a clip

that moment of fear,,,, hoo

esposito's gun lol He just knows she's on the other side? Castle just there lmao

ngl I half expected ryan to kiss bobby s. Judas betrayed jesus with a kiss. (& for the last time, judas did not want jesus to die, he just wanted to get jesus away from this town bc there were problems brewing, judas was the finance guy of the disciples, he got mad about mary maggie using perfume on jesus's feet instead of selling it & giving the money to the poor, judas was not the evil double crosser ppl make him out to be) ryan looks almost sad sending bobby away & seeing siobhan. edit:

Also is it freaking dawn? Lucky ryan, changing back into a suit, not only that but a matching three piece suit. He is going overboard in that direction to feel more like himself instead of going no vest just tie or no tie just vest, or jeans no dress pants, or dress pants with a random jacket, this man wanted it to be on the far end of his style spectrum.

Castle & the football reminds me of that time castle Did Not catch the baseball & it crashed into smth & nobody acknowledged it

No like it-- what was it? What (from the diner) are you specifically apologizing for? The tone? not listening? What specifically was the apology in reference to?

Lady macbeth lol & that's why liam was so loyal even after this

No what is jordan ABOUT? Bro I thought james bonde & your dad's book inspired you to be a writer. Markiplier moments. Holding her <3 He remembers his name bc you told him bro

SOD: I was hoping you’d come. KR: I wanted to say goodbye this time. SOD: Goodbye makes me feel like I’ll never see you again. KR: You won’t. ((OOF)) *her face falls, but she knows it has to happen* KR: Tomorrow you’ll be in a new city. Have a new name. You’ll get to start over again. SOD: Why did you do this? Risk your life for me? KR: You know why. SOD, nodding sadly: This Kevin Ryan guy? I wish I would have met him sooner. KR: laughs She leans in to kiss his cheek. He knows he has to leave, and he doesn’t look back when he does. She sighs heavily before she gets back to packing

Also his coat with the collar like that? nice

Finally back home! lmao the music sdjfhsjdfskldfklsdjf clipping this now this is great & fun She's pregnant I'm so happy for them! I am afraid of the passage of time but I am so happy for them! hsdjakhsdkjhfjdh & they are so adorable

What a great great episode! It totally could have been a two-part-er imo, but the alexis kidnapping one took precedent & tbh that's valid. I just really enjoyed this one. As did most of the fandom.

[finalthreshold]

belated phantom of the opera 1/23 notes

jeremy stolle, julia udine, paul a schaefer were my trio. lots of understudies overall! when i was waiting at the box office for standing room tickets i made a comment to my friend like "hoping for an understudy for tonight!" and then i got there and there were sooo many names on the board. meg was kelly loughran and she was SO cute. i heard greg mills was originally supposed to be on that night though and i feel so bad he was out, especially since he missed the 35th :(

during think of me when christine tries to leave, meg moved towards her and looked apologetic, like she felt bad she put christine in a situation she was uncomfortable in, but she jumped back when madame giry banged her stick on the ground. it was a cute moment.

i love jeremy's phantom! so detailed and i love how he's able to be malicious and mocking and menacing and yet so heartrending and sympathetic and these two sides of him never feel incongruous or inconsistent. his delivery is great too, especially in how he talks to the managers, carlotta and especially raoul later on.

i didn't really like julia's christine much when i saw her a few months ago and i realized now that part of it was that i just didn't like her christine with ben's phantom. her portrayal still isn't my favorite but i still appreciate her take and there were some things she did that i really loved

the mask return, for example, was a really nice moment where you could see her feelings of fear and pity for him at war and the pity ultimately winning and there's a sense of compassion to her returning it. she's not asking him to hide his face because she's scared of him, she's giving him back the mask because he's broken and crying without it? and there was a long lingering moment after that where he reached for her face and it looked like he almost understood that that was her intent and was hoping or maybe even believing that fear actually could possibly turn to love, but then caught himself and snarled out the "come we must return" and pulled her up very suddenly.

jeremy's phantom overall felt like he needed to be in control. he felt so trapped in his own monstrosity and his own conviction of his monstrosity that he sabotaged genuine moments of connection he had with christine because he couldn't let himself be truly vulnerable. it still shown through though, that vulnerability and love for her.

his stdyi was fantastic. he sounded so biting and hateful when he talked abotu himself, and then becoming more and more broken and pathetic as he drew nearer to her. i feel like i could spend forever thinking about and analyzing his performance and not get tired of it.

paul was... kind of off for a fair bit of the performance? just kinda low energy. he flubbed a line in aiaoy and tried to sing "lead me save me from my solitude" at first instead of "let me lead you from your solitude." aiaoy had kind of been low chemistry (which was weird, bc i remember paul and julia having pretty fine chemistry and the two shows i saw with ben/julia/paul trio feeling much more r/c?) but it felt a little more natural after the mess up, actually?? they were kinda stiff feeling but seemed more familiar after the flub idk.anyways i'd heard he wasn't a super consistent actor, but i thought he was solid every time i saw him a few months ago so idk?

a lot was obscured in standing room. i was very glad i'd seen the show before AND had plans to see it again from proper seats (i ended up seeing it three other times haha) but for $29? not bad (remember when you could get rear mezz for $29 tho hahahaha sobs) but it was cool focusing on the stuff i don't normally look at. i was glad i had binoculars too tho since the back of that orchestra is pretty far from the stage

the saddest "dont gOo :(" during the graveyard scene.

carrington vilmont as passarino mixed up the lyrics for don juan. he and carlton moe didn't miss a beat though and carried it off effortlessly! i was like i KNOW thats not right but i cant even tell what isn't right about it.

throwing the mannequin so it hits the ground on the beat is so unreasonably funny to me i love it.

i said before i loved jeremy's phantom's line delivery towards raoul and it's just perfect in the final lair he's so gleefully malicious and a bit sarcastic at times? it's great.

but in contrast, i thought the way he said/did things in final lair towards christine were at times almost.. soft? he wasn't rough at all with putting the veil on her or giving her the bouquet. he also made the saddest face when julia, very bitterly, said "please raoul, it's useless" and i loved how he sat on the throne. he was like. perched on the edge of it, turned away. his body language was very tense and tight, and it seemed like it got increasingly difficult for him to look at her as the final lair went on.

he was still threatening and scary at moments though. there was a great duality to his performance.

"so do you end your days with me or do you send him to his grave" is a line i'm used to being delivered with more intensity, threateningly, but jeremy was so... pleading? im obsessed with it actually.

he really was so trapped in himself, in his own decisions and view of himself, and it felt like he felt like none of them had a choice here and he wanted christine to understand that so badly, that he doesn't want to hurt her but what else can he do? this is what he is.

when she kisses him, he did the flail but then looked like he was going to embrace her on the second kiss and then right before he did his hands sort of curled up and he pulled away.

it was like he felt that he'd never had any choice but to be this monster, and then realized now that he does have a choice, and he chooses to let her go. all this time he's been wanting christine to see him as a man, not a monster, but he can't even see himself as anything but a monster until that moment?

he was the only phantom i saw in that week (out of three total) who only said one i love you at the ring return, and i'm glad he didn't repeat the i love you, because as broken as he was, i felt like he needed to make that choice too to let her go? idk. catharsis of tragedy or whatever. something like that. i don't know.

kelly loughran's meg seemed almost dazed when she's in the lair, like she doesn't know what to make of it. she almost staggers towards the throne. considering how affectionate and concerned she was for christine the entire time, i felt like she was expecting to see christine there and was really surprised to find it empty and was a bit scared by that fact?

i might have had a less than ideal seat (... well, i didnt even have a seat), and there were a couple odd or low energy moments but overall i still had a really great time and i thought for the most part everyone gave really great performances! especially jeremy stolle whose phantom has been living rent free in my head for over a week now (he was also incredibly nice and easy to talk to at stagedoor!!!)

[thegeminisage]

plan of sitting atop zelda to farm her for parts ruined by 1. i have adhd and to get all my parts would be up to 90 minutes of doing absolutely nothing 2. star fell, had to get it

got lucky! she was really close to the great sky islands so i've gotten back to her by flinging myself off those

oh boy she's taking us through this storm lol

just doing this for an hour seems excruciating. she's been doing it for 10,000 YEARS. i'm gonna kermit

AAAAAUGH another fallen star................this is HORRIBLE i already gave up a naydra opportunity to sit up here! if i go get this one i definitely won't get lucky enough to get back on her back, she's head towards the sparse and UNEXPLORED skies over the gerudo desert so i'd have no way to fast travel back to her...i wish i could leave a medallion on her head

i got another spike so it'll be at least another 10m anyway...might as well go

goodbye babygirl 😢

i got it! AND without the bike lol

i've left epona out forever but right near a stable. felt bad so i let her run on the road to a different stable where i finally boarded her, except first she disappeared for a second?? which was a terrifying little glitch lol

forced my bike into this big cave with me which was good because i got to skip what would have been a very difficult climb in cave-rain

unfortunately even though i was a cheapskate about it i can't get it out of here :( rip. i hate having to spend fans...

a chest ALSO vanished on me :/ weird 1.0 glitches........

i only have one korok seed left in this little area but its next to a lynel :///

might as well try to fight it while i'm here i suppose.........

i actually got him?! man NICE......

even tho lurelin was my fav place from botw (and totk, bc i simply Love The Beach) i feel kinda bad coming here now like let me PAY you for stuff!!! i have moneyyy

but those koroks arent gonna fly themselves.........

awww the skyview tower rito is here. now that i've got them all he gets to get a wife and settle down here lol

ah! the proper heart shaped lake had SO many fairies but i dropped my bike before they loaded and then they loaded as it dropped which ofc scared all of them away :(

ugh my bike despawned AGAIN...............life is so hard all the time

ugh!!!!!!! i thought about going to get that shrine in eventide i missed since i'm sort of in the area but like. i'd have to kill ALL those pirate monsters again. this is why i turn shrines on sometimes. i want them to be a surprise but also missing one like that fucking SUCKS

naydra sighted again, but i feel like i see her a lot around here so i'm passing her up for now. i got shit to do which requires my bike. also the little list i used to know how much stuff i need was on r*ddit and it's shut down now lol so like

ok nvm i got my last seed on this route and she's literally right above me. i'd have to ditch the bike anyways

god i love riding dragons. can't wait until i can do this with farosh

i think she's about to go into the depths...maybe i'll see if i can stay on and go with her lol

oh maybe not...she's going sharply upward suddenly

girl where are we GOING???

oh no i think this may be it, she's descending again and there's a chasm ahead...

OHHH there's zelda in the distance :( i can't go to her now!!! i might literally not be able to lol, she's not near anything. but i really wanna see if naydra will go into a chasm while i'm on her back...

i climbed a spike to be sure i wouldn't fall off lol

OHHH THIS IS LITERALLY IT SHES GOING DOWN

and the kakariko chasm too! i haven't dove in here yet...

just realized she's going to be an eternity getting to the bottom. it takes ME forever falling at maximum velocity

still cool af tho

oh, i haven't been down this chasm but i have explored and lit up the world beneath it lol. let's see which direction she goes ig

I SEE A LIGHTROOT FROM HERE........i'm not ready to leave her yet tho. if i'm really lucky she'll take me right to it

there's an area, which tbh i'm just as happy to pass over for now...and a yiga hideout!! and we are literally going in the right direction. so cool.

ok bestie this is my stop! ugh i just realized i took video in the chasm but now when we went through it...whatever

i'm glad zelda doesn't come down here. poor girl.

i used the springs here and there were so many i sprung myself up to the ceiling lol

i see a flux construct and a lightroot. i could go down and fight it but that would make getting the lightroot much harder unless i spent fans on a bike.......

fuck it ig

easy peasy! i havent fought one of these guys in awhile and i'm pleased to see how much easier it's become

oh duh. i can just fast travel back to the lightroot i just got. i don't have to climb lol

oh COOL i'm just in time to see naydra exit the chasm!

this is such a fun little lightroot trail. every time i get to one another pops up. i actually see TWO from here. they're so addictive...

omg you can fuse stuff to the master sword 😭 i was out of weapons to fuse this flux heart thingy to and i tried and it worked but it is SO UGLY :( im so sorry fi

i am near the spring of wisdom i think!! im gonna ignore this lightroot (HARD.......) and see if there's a poe statue guy there

...i think i flew right into it. i cheated by checking my interactive map lol

oh no just kidding i was climbing to the ceiling! i flew OVER it. anyway i got there

DARK!!!

HOOD!!!

GIRL YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I AM DARK LINK AT LAST

dark link my beloved.......................................

onto this last lightroot and then i'm outta here. too bad i didn't collect any zonaite...

oh good god. im on top of a mountain which means valley down here. UGH i have to climb

no way. bike time. this is what it's for.

lol and meanwhile i pass a monster camp with zonaite and can't be assed to get off the bike. and i've just seen ANOTHER lightroot. we are in hell

ok yeah i've had enough. i don't see anymore lightroots, i'm getting out of here. even though i REALLY need zonaite.

GOD i love dark link armor...night speed UP babey. i only wish u could upgrade it (monkeys paw activates and i have to fight hands to do so)

i basically only have 3 areas left on the right side of the map - lanayru which i do not wanna do bc i hate the snowy mountain and the waterway makes me nervous, and the zora area, and death mountain. and i guess the tingle islands so that's technically 4

gonna start w the zora area tomorrow unless a different mood strikes me - there's a shit ton of caves and seeds i missed all clustered together that will be easy to knock out

for now tho bed. sorry for anyone scrolling past this i did the whole day in one post lol

[cant-get-no-worse]

what do u think about our team at the moment. like the players. gavi and pedri.

also called: FC Barcelona 2022/2023.

In all seriousness, what do I think of the team (I'm assuming you don't mean just Gavi and Pedri haha). I think I warmed up to them. I had a hard time connecting to the 2019/2020/2021/deb 2022, since I was so attached to that "golden" team. The departure of Iniesta really was something and subsequently that of Messi's and all the "old squad"; at one point I gen sat back and thought "wow, I don't feel for that team the way I used to anymore. I don't care about them, I just care about the crest." That realization hit so hard because so many years ago it was precisely because of the players that I'd fell in love with the club, because I was so utterly attached to every single one of them, and since 2018 everything got upside down. Damn weird years.

But this 2022/2023 season, I'm getting it. The mood is good, the vibes are mildly vibing.

It's in big part because of the La Masia kids that help entertaining this kind of core identity. I like the players that come from elsewhere, Pedri (I know we're supposed to act like he's from La Masia but fr), Raphinha, Koundé, Araujo, Christensen, etc, they have the love of the shirt or at least the fire and will to play. Some of them will go but they play and they try well and that's all I ask as a supporter. Even if we may have lost the play style I fell in love with (although arguably our play has been all downfall since 2017/2018), it's evolving. It's getting somewhere. You can't brood in nostalgia forever, it's good for nothing. I'm genuinely optimistic as for the future of the team; if we recruit smartly, in the right positions we need (and those are crucial, like a DM), we'll get back to top level in a couple of years. It's a process I trust. The team is just fine, I like them, they genuinely made me start to cheer again for like I hadn't done for a while for a Barca squad (again not for the crest but for the squad itself). I'm rooting for them all the way. Ofc there's some of them I'm more attached to because I know they'll prob stay more and they have that thing for the crest - thinking of G&P, MTS too, Araujo comes into mind as well.

I'm not in love with them as I used to be with the "old squad" - Xavi, Iniesta, Messi, Ney, Suarez, Busi (yeah lmfao I hate on him but I'll always like him), Alves (...), Piqué (...), Villa, Masche, even the fucking coaches, Guardiola whose enormous bald fuckhead I'll forever love for utterly everything he brought to the team, for the way he made me dream and showed me what the Beautiful Game was, Lucho even though we had many issues, fucking hell I could go on for hours. But still. I'm genuinely rooting for this 2022/2023 team, and attached to a few. It's good, and we're getting there.

As for the board and institution tho, can't speak lmfao. Our finances are a mess, Tebas is a pain in the ass, so that's also a bunch of issues that we need to solve, or we'll not progress much.

[iceclew]

Oh we are talking theme songs mood boards, I'm in for it, sit down guys ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° )

First of all, I love Mumford's so much. It reminds me a lot of my teen years, as i'm 31 now. I can imagine Kafka having *those* years in his teen life as well, especially going through the mood of album "Sigh no more" - being his go to music choice, when realising his dreams about getting into the JAKDF are at risk, while being rejected each year at the entrance examination. "I will wait" is like the positive turn in the arc, when he's finally made it into the Def. Force, and despite all other drama/weird stuff happening, he gradually draws hope (which might just be only possible because of a certain vice-capt. being like, 'hey actually you failed again, but I grant you a chance anyway, because I believe in you, also first of ll things you're human to me, even tho i literally tried to kill you in kaiju form, but anyway, now i dig it, i teach you anything, we'll win this damn war together how about it.) yes. very much yes. very wholesome choice there. <3

----------

So just as everybody (at least that's what I tell myself), I probably have A LOT of diff. songs frequently run down on spotify regarding my love and addiction for Kafka, Hoshina and their ship.

L e t m e e l a b o r a t e , p l e a s e : ╰(▔∀▔)╯

I'm very much hooked up by the rather angsty part/period of time, when Kafkas Kaijuform is revealed, so a lot of my song choices are rather angsty, I guess ( I just love melancholy tho haha) I'm very much into every possible genre, so prepare for about everything here:

some Kafhoshi song choices of mine being:

Favorite Crime - Olivia Rodrigo (my go to choice, I'd say, when I think about them. I know it's rather "soft", but I like to think about them as being very fluff around each other, as soon as they realize the can drop their hard shell )

Million reasons - Lady Gaga (ok, I don't now about this honestly, but i think so much about them, while hearing this, i don't have to think of reasons for it at all, haha)

Some type of Skin - AURORA (especially the acustic version, and yay, it's something positive for once! xD It's sort of my positive POV about them being tiny cute bebe bois dreaming of being cool kaiju hunters one day. <3 it's more like a f*ck this complicated world, let's just do what we wanna do, and let's do it together, nothing else matters, thank you)

CHIHIRO - Billie Eilish (...yeah this lives in the kinky part of my mind of them thank you for asking. NEXT! ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ )

--------

AND THEN, I love myself some combat/ass kicking soundtrack for my bois, and some funny/fluff songs, just to sum up a few for completion:

Hoshina: Avalanche - Cellar Darling; RATATATAA - BABYMETAL ft Electric Callboy; Centuries - Fall Out Boy; GASSHOW - illion; Melanie Martinez - Me too; 24k Magic - Bruno Mars; It's gonna be me - *NSYNC (listen, I can explain, I swear :D the idea of Hoshina digging *NSYNC just to piss of Narumi, who is a fucking Backstreet boy fanboi, lives in my mind for free, and I can't put it aside, seeing them have a stand-off of which bands better, each time 3rd and 1st Division meet each other)

Kafka: Limits - Bad Omen; liMOusIne - BMTH ft. AURORA;i can't control it - Kontrust; Night Dancer - imase; CROW - UPIKO; Tokio Calling - ATARASHII GAKKO!; Kingslayer - BMTH ft. Babymetal

Does anyone else think that the relationship anthem for KafHoshi could be 'I Will Wait For You' by Mumford and Sons?

I mean, just look at the lyrics.

"You forgave and I won't forget"

"I'll use my head along side my heart."

"A tethered mind free from the lies."

Looking at it in my twisted little mind, from this perspective it feels like a war-torn Kafka coming home to the one man that grounds him. Hoshina gave this man a fresh start, forgave him for lying about being Kaiju number 8, and gave him access to tools to help him in the coming fights. Hoshina swept away any thought he had about not being strong enough to fight for others.

When he's with this man... how could one's soul not feel painted with gold.

Or you could see this through a platonic lens and say its about Kafka's relationship with all of Division Three.

Your choice, no issues here.

[trans-axian-archive]

hhhhgk just realized that since the power is out when I go to get my clothes out of the dryer in our weird root cellar w the freaky stairs there will be No Lights

[faebriel]

all three of the version of your good omens au are quite interesting if you don't mind, i have some questions about them?

in the tubbo and tommy are angel and demon (in that order) au, who would take the role of the other characters? for example the four horseman, the them etc?

in the crimeboys au the same questions basically

and in the techno and phil version, would wilbur take the place of newt or maybe anthema?

anyways i hope you have a nice day!

honestly that's the part i'm stuck on the most 😭

i immediately starting shouting at some friends on discord abt it and we were leaning a bit towards the crimeboys one, with ranboo as newt (the vibes match) and tubbo as anathema (but like...less put together and more making a pepe silva conspiracy string board of prophecies). /p obviously but i already have complex feelings abt how their relationship was executed in the books (i do love love both the characters tho) so adjusting that was gonna be a given for me anyway. self indulgence

we were thinking techno as shadwell (weird veteran taking the new kid under his wing) and phil as tracy (weird neighbour making sure he like. eats and talks to people)? and as for the horsemen i was thinking schlatt as famine for the businessman vibe (also bc it is my Firm Headcanon he fucked up the crops in manberg) and beyond that idk. my main issue is that i love the them and what they represent but i have fuck all idea who they would be 😭

as for the clingyduo version, yeah probs wilbur as newt or anathema? unsure which. i kind of think newt is fun (i have a soft spot for that pathetic man) but instead of being unlucky with computers specifically he just has such cosmically terrible luck his entire life. idk who anathema would be tho bc i don't know if her role really be (......quackity? idfk). horsemen idk probs the same as the crimeboys version but maybe with phil as death and techno as war. depends on how much i'd want them involved with the plot honestly. but we still have no them

the aeduo version has the them which i love a lot but everything else.....probably wilbur and (? quackity??) would still be newt and anathema but outside of that idk at all. maybe the horsemen would just have to be like ~natural forces~ (e.g. the egg, limbo/dreamxd) instead of straight up characters

[charlieweasleyy]

THE ONE WHERE WE ARE COMFORTABLE

WTN WEEK 2021 → day seven (episode seven) Hiiii friends so I decided to talk about things that bring me comfort and for me the thing that brings me the biggest comfort is the friends I've made on this board. I spend my time talking to these four basically allllll day long. If you can guess by the graphic above on who is who, but they have become some of my best friends so *drum roll* please and let me tell you about the people i consider to be my f.r.i.e.n.d.s.

MY LOBSTER Apparently, I am someone who when they find someone they mate for life. When I latched onto Elle I latched on and didn't (lol won't) let go. Like when I say she is my person I mean it with every fiber of my being. She is the soulmate. My wife. My lobster. She is like that perfect pair of sweatpants that you know are dependable and can count on and you don't want to let go of. She's like the television show that you need to put on because you've had a bad day. She's the first person I call when disaster happens. When I am having a bad day she is the first person I want to talk to and 10/10 she can say something to make it better.

We laugh until we cry and she likes to yell at me... but 9/10 I do deserve it. So, it is valid. If you see me flirting with her on the server (no you didn't) it's mostly because I can't help myself. So... just divert your eyes. It's very cliche to say that your life has changed after meeting someone, but that's what it has done. I am a better person for her, I'm more mindful, more open, and I don't think there isn't a person on this board who wouldn't say that Elle hasn't changed them for the better. It is who she is. She leaves you with something to think about, she challenges you. She pushes you. She has a heart for those who are misrepresented and misunderstood. I swear if Elle had her own talk show I'd listen to it every day. The girl is *passionate* and that is one thing I can't help but love about her. She is passionate about diversity, about the people on this board, I have watched her struggle with some hard decisions this year and how it has affected her mentally, but she also rises from the ashes because she has to. I have watched her countless times put this site above her own needs. I have watched her struggle. I have watched her doubt (herself and her future) and I have watched her wonder if she is doing the right thing. I have watched her feel remorse and pain and I'm telling you if you do not think Elle cares about WTN and everyone on this board then you've not seen her struggle the way that I've seen her struggle. It's probably why I'm so damn protective of her, but I don't regret a single second of it.

Okay, I've spent this whole time talking about how great Elle is but I've not spoken about the writing. I've run out of room... her writing is amazing, she is the one person I can respond to no matter what day I'm having and no matter what ship it is. I love all of our threads and I'm always so happy and excited to see an elle reply in my alerts waiting to be read and responded to! I find it hard to wrap them because they are just so good! If I have a day where I don't feel like doing replies good chance I'll still pull up an Elle reply because it normally makes my day better 99.99999% of the time. The .1% doesn't exist, but it's including the slight possibility of error and the fact Elle will have something to refute that claim with.

THE GIRL I'D MOVE FURNITURE WITH I don't think there is anyone else I want around my side to do some of the heavy lifting and I don't mean that in the physical sense, but in the writing sense and the mental sense too (tho I don't need to see Kae in real life to know that she's strong). You know that saying about people who struggle in silence. I think that describes Kae because sometimes it's like using a crowbar in getting her to open up and to TALK. It is one of the most frustrating things. It's kind of like a treasure box when you have the box sitting right in front of you and it is impossible to open. Okay, half the battle was finding it. You have the map in front of you and when you finally find it, it is STILL locked. That's Kae. It was quite the struggle in getting her to be open to more plots like I knew where to find and how to find her, but actually getting to Kae felt impossible even though I had all of the directions in front of me. But once you put in the time and effort to get to know her.... like *really* know her, it's like discovering treasure. Not only is she one of the most dependable writers (like I said she will carry the heavyweight in all of her threads), but she is one of the best writers! I love reading her threads even if I'm not in them, they always leave me on the edge of my seat and that characterization *chef's kiss*. MAKES JOKES WITH BC HUMOR IS BAE Oh you know the one who tells the jokes when they are uncomfortable. It is a friends reference and the only one I could think of when I thought of Aria. She makes me laugh. She probably makes me laugh more than anyone especially during WTNWeek because of these videos. When I say read something in an Aria voice I mean it! She isn't really that awkward!! But I'm sure she'll say differently so YOLO. Aria doesn't know a stranger, she pops into your DMs and suddenly it's like you have known her all of your life. We have not known one another as long as I have known Kae and Elle, but she fits in so well. Her writing is beautiful and I love how she is in my DMs daily with inspiration for our ships. I started out with zero Aria ship and Aria made two new characters just to have ships with me and I love her for that. I can gush about how amazing she is because she is one of those people who will provide you comfort. If she knows you are having a bad day, she will send you something to make you smile and she'll remind you that she loves you. And I can't even tell you how having those videos during WTNWeek has made my days a little bit better! If I'm feeling frustrated or sad I just turn one on and it has made my day ten times better. It's funny how she is young, but she is kind of my teacher. She sends me videos to help me when I don't understand something and I am SORRY Aria because you've had to send a lot of videos lately, but I don't think the staff could have made a better decision in asking Aria to hop on board. She is always so helpful and the thing is -- she *wants* to help. She wants to pitch in. She always puts her best foot forward and I love that. And cand we talk about those posting and organization skills #swoooon MY SMELLY CAT In reality I am probably singing this song to Jasmine, but I feel like you'd join in sooo here we go. I wanna preface and say I am not calling Bela a smelly cat! But she speaks in references I don't understand sometimes and sometimes she talks about these weird noises she makes so I think this description is perfect for her. Bela came into WTN and I normally have trust issues BUT I trusted my gut and Prudy is one of my favorite characters on the board. We have been trying to get her cousin on board for as long as I can remember. Prudy deserves all of the good things so I really wanted Bela to stay on board. I threw her practically everything I could think of and I am so glad I did because it has allowed us to get close over the years.

Bela and I have created some fun dynamics over the years between readie being the superior of them all, but we also created dynamics that I never expected to create like Manny, Sieun, and Dylya. They have come to be some of my FAVORITE pairings. It's kinda funny we often joke about how we only have one ship on the board, but it feel like we have a billion. Bela always enjoys sending me music, it's like when she knows I need some writing music, and that's part of the ways she fits into my comfort. Bela is a listener. She listens and she is one of those people who are easy to talk to. I enjoy sharing headcanons and future headcanons and character ideas that we won't create but would like to! I like that she is open and she is honest with me - if she is having a bad day then she'll let me know. But I also think we've talked so much that I can just tell.We are comfortable with one another and I absolutely LOVE it.

I know confetti has been going on for a while, but there are not many people you write with and write WELL with but I have found multiple people I LOVE writing with and I absolutely LOVE talking to. I have found my person (lol more like loml), my partner-in-crime (like if I'm going to go to jail I need her in my corner), my cheerleader (and child), and my ship in the night (lol, we gotta be on at the right time and at the right time to talk).

[lucidpantone]

Hi :) Idk whether you're the right person to ask but I like your blog and asks and you're quite popular so I think it may get more attention. Here's the thing. In my real life I have never met anyone with depression/bipolar disorder (that I know of). So my experience/knowledge is very much based on the internet/movies/TV and well, SKAM and its remakes. I am aware that SKAM doesn't portray MI 100% real because it's still a show (or at least I think so, dont quote me on that!). However. Recently, I stumbled upon an interview somewhere on the news with a psychiatrist about bipolar disorder. She said she has been working with many patients with it. And she said that bipolar is not really manic vs depression. She said (and claimed that ALL of her many patients agreed with her) that bipolar looks like this: 94% of time severe depression, 3% mania, 3% 'normal' life. I have to admit that this really shook me. And I think you will agree it's a completely different scenario that SKAM or wtfock or SKAM France portrayed. I'd love to hear your opinion and also I'd be very grateful if you published this so more people who have more experience/knowledge on the subject can speak out too. Thank you! ����😊😊

hey!(disclaimer this is super long) So funny enough I can kinda help answer some of this anon from my own experience but not from a medical experience or from the experience of the person who suffers from bipolar disorder. I have commented before that my roommate of 2.5 years has bipolar disorder and tho we don’t live together anymore living with him I got to experience first hand what those ups and downs that the Even character talks about 1st hand. Take into mind MI’s manifest differently for everyone no one manifestation will be the same. For example a study ran by a psychiatrist examining a sample group of people living with Bipolar you need to closely exam the participants. Are these participants homeless? or come from unstable families or environments? Then a continuous state of manic depression is also being influenced by environment. Environment plays a big part in how an MI impacts you. Why do you think routine is so essential for a lot of people, it creates stability so without knowing the nuances of the study I would just take that study as one of many studies and ultimately try to consume a large number of research findings to form the most informed opinion. Ok so personally from my experience living with my old roommate no he was not always depressed or suffering from an episode. I would say for the most part he was a functioning adult but yes they were aspects of his bipolar that effected his normal life. My old roommate was diagnosed at 17 when we moved in together he was 30. So he knew his disease really well. My old roommate was also an avid recreational drug user but he would not mix his meds and party stuff. He knew better by 30 as he had done that a lot in his 20′s and came to realize thats when he lost control. 

So for the most part this was the routine of my roommate’s MI he would be good for awhile and take his meds and everything would be fine for the most part.Then he would decide to stop taking his meds usually it was triggered by a festival/concert in town or something along those lines. Then he would never get back on his meds this would last for a little while and then he would spiral. My roommate was very aware that without his meds it wouldn't take long to start exhibiting signs to the point that I could tell when something was off. Yes the manic episodes were irrational and disorganized but my roommate was pretty harmless to anyone else manic he was just super high on life for example he woke me up at 2am once because he just “needed” to go for a run. Or he brought a white school chalk board because he would get these urges to write on our walls and his gf would freak so he brought this chalk board and put it on the wall and when he was manic he would go to town. He also wanted to spend money like crazy. Luckily he was a trust fund kid so he had it but he would go in and buy a ton of shit he didn't need. Now when he was down its was different sometimes he was down because the recreational drugs would exhaust his brain and then all hell would break loose coupled with the bipolar.I wasn’t sure if he was manic or just down off synthetics or a bit of both. I did witness an organic depressive episode once tho and for my roommate he would get really nasty. Like say shit that was super hurtful to get under your skin and also he would hate anything and everything and god forbid you said something like its a “pretty day” he would be like “I hate this day. f*** the sun”. It would usually be a 2 week down period but the most intense portions of his episodes were only a 2-4 days because then my roommate would cave and call his therapist (he has been in therapy his whole adult life) and they would create a new “plan” and that means his meds. It would take about two weeks for the meds to finally regulate him and then he would be fine. A lot of my roomies episodes were self induced because he would stop his meds but when he was on meds he was fine he had moments he was blue but nothing he couldn't manage. So personally I would say every 6 months for two weeks he would experience an episode but once again it was self induced. Also my roommate was 100% responsible for triggering himself at times via his partying. He is not an idiot he knows the consequences he has had bipolar since he was 17 he knows how his brain works(he is highly aware that he is someone that will live medicated for the entirety of his life) I just think human nature gets the best of us sometimes. However I will say my roommate is one of my closest friends. I love that kid. He is married now and just had a kid. He doesn't party anymore but you know organically he will one day have an episode but for the most part once you live with him you sorta of get use to it. Its just something that happens every few months. So just plan ahead and learn to communicate a lot but once again my roommate is 30 he doesn't hide his bipolar he owns it he will even tell new friends like “hey one day I may be acting weird its probably my bipolar flaring up” (like its fucking allergies or something) but he is so use to it by now he has been living with his diagnoses so long. So you just know as his friend that eventually you will catch him during a time when it’s flaring up. Also for me I got to know him well enough I also knew when it was happening. They are signs but once again for the most part we just lived day by day like normal as long as he took medication. Oh and for my roommate personally he has only ever experienced 2/3 “dark” episodes meaning he checked himself in for his own personal safety. I hope this long explanation helps!

[milo-is-rambling]

I think part of the reason I over exaggerate my place in other peoples lives is because i see everyone around me as a specific aesthetic/vibe and I start to make subconscious assumptions about the way you "should" act based on the clues I have put together from what I've been told about you and where I've filled in the gaps of things you probably do but that causes me to mix up the real things like feelings and attraction because I either end up loving this idea I've created of who you are with all these added fake pros and cons or I end up becoming obsessed with you because im trying so hard to keep things clear as to what is real or not and then you end up being weirded out anyways. It's so hard to form real relationships with people because in the beginning of a friendship I can usually make you a Pinterest board and a playlist and concoct a bunch of things that equal you in my brain so I know what to send you memes of or see things that remind me of you constantly and that's so fun when you're first talking to me and either we grow close enough that me doing that actively keeps us in contact bc we always have something to talk about or our friendship falls apart and I'm left with all these pictures songs and subjects that remind me of you and hurt every time I see them and it's such a shitty feelings because all of my friendships end becuase i care too much and can't give people space to breathe. I just hate hate hate hate hate being uncertain of my place in peoples lives it's absolutely soul crushing to me I'd rather have someone have the balls to tell their real thoughts and feelings about me even if it hurts than have someone ghost me and play pretend and slowly creep away from me like they're afraid of me when I try so fucking hard to make a full safe environment for someone but that loops back to my crazy finding your specific aesthetic thing cause that can be overwhelming and scary but I usually ask first and I definitely offer to show someone their Pinterest board or playlist and every person I've shown has been excited to see their aesthetic and see how accurate it is and it's been positive but then people end up leaving anyways and it just fucks with my brain and I know I have so many issues but like fuck man I have so much fucking admiration for everyone I've ever been friends with even if I'm fucking bitter about how things ended and that they couldn't just be straight up with me (and bitter that my last few friendships ended with me saying "look man are we friends or not I need a straight answer cause I'm not gonna keep putting effort into being your friend if you don't want me to be your friend anymore") I still admire them so much but do I admire them as a person (who was shitty to me in real life) or do I admire them as this idealized person I created in my brain (even the idealized person has flaws tho. Like even in my brain they appear human and normal and flawed and I still love them and want them regardless and it's almost like I prepare myself to be hurt in certain ways and then they always find new ways to hurt me I haven't thought of yet) it's almost like I'm willing to look past the shitty ways you treated me in real life because at least I have this fake version and it's cool to talk to someone the fake version was made for and then it's like I'd rather keep this perfect version in my brain where everything's predictable and people dont randomly change their mind or act nice and then change and act horrible and like feelings dont get hurt in my brain that only ever happens in real life and I dont like it I'm very tired of it I just want everyone to do what I think constantly like I'm playing Barbie's as a child. Everyone should behave the way people should and stop being mean to everyone else always and if you are mean you should do it in a good way that only my brain decided was the good way.

oh I am mentally ill god damn I wrote a lot more than I meant to I'm sorry man I'm high and brain rambly doing self therapy. I think playing the sims so much has made me crave being a sim more than anything ever cause I just fucking want hygiene and hunger and sleep bars so so so bad tell me when I have to shower and eat and sleep I cannot keep track of these things my brain does not have these alarms on it's own I have to remember to do all the things it's the worst. But I also want the plus and minus people bars over my head. Show up and tell me if I'm succeeding or failing this human Interaction and let me find the button I have to press to do the thing to make you like me. Tell joke about vampires? Will that make you like me? How many times can I press it before we become good friends or best friends? Can I click the tell funny story button until you like me? Please please please please please someone find me worthy of being a person I'm so tired of fighting the neurotypical world I just want to sleep and play the sims and smoke and play the sims and eat and smoke and sleep and play the sims and listen to music and have magic levitating +/- people points over every conversation I have ever