#parkour guys are fucking crazy but i respect it!

[gorespawn]

anyone wanna hear some fresh gore gossip? of course you do.

my brother works at a parkour gym in town, and he knows most of the people who train there and those who do acrobatic type of sports in the area. anyway, he wasn't there, because he had a fever on that day, but there was a FREAK ACCIDENT.

his friend was doing his little parkour routine, running on the blocks and scaling the tables and walls and whatnot, and he must've been going at a mighty speed, like a crazy mighty speed, because when he was to make a three meter leap between platform A to platform B, he miscalculated i guess, missed by a decimeter, and hit his shin on the edge of platform B.

and his leg fell off.

i didn't know legs could do that.

do you realise how fast you must be running to get such a momentum when you jump that you stub your toe on a table and your leg falls off????

the edge cleaved through the skin, it cleaved straight through the bone and straight through the calf muscle and the fat tissue. it cleaved through literally everything except the skin on the back of the guy's calf. so the whole lower leg of his just hung there, dangling by the skin.

had they had kitchen scissors at the ready, they could've just cut off that thin remaining skin and thrown his entire lower leg away. like it was OFF. dude got AMPUTATED AT THE GYM.

they have to get a replacement for that platform too, because he hit it with such force that his leg made a dent in the wood. not a crack. a dent. a pit, a leg shaped pit. like he molded the wood around his shin as it simultaneously cut his whole leg off. like a meat axe

anyway he screamed bloody murder of course and fell and then proceeded to bleed over a liter all over the floor and everyone had to hold him still so he wouldn't tear the remaining skin of his leg off in his panic. the kid who called the ambulance has had nightmares ever since apparently, which like, fair.

anyway the ambulance arrived and abra cadabra the orthopedists somehow managed to magically reattach the leg again and screw the bone back together and sew all the other tissue together, putting his leg in one of those sort of morbid metal cages that are all frankenstein style with the freakishly large bolts and whatnot.

the grand finish of the story is that guys who do parkour are fucking insane bc he's back at the gym now ready to jump

[lovesick-jester-from-hell]

5, 7 and 10 for the general selfship ask game :3

- @selfship-shenanigans

Ahhh thank you for the ask!! 🥰

5. Any common themes or threads between your F/Os, if you have multiple? If you don't have multiple-- what is similar between you and your F/O, and what's different?

There’s definitely a common thread of villainy with my F/Os lmao! Especially sadistic villainy – even if there’s a sympathetic element to their character or backstory, most of them enjoy being cruel bastards. A good few of them are inhuman or monsters too, and aren’t what I’d call “traditionally attractive”. Though I def still find them plenty attractive. I like characters with a more distinct look I guess!

7. What's something you feel is uncommon that you do with/for/about/etc your F/O(s)?

A lot of selfshippers seem to not like sharing their F/Os or seeing fandom ships involving them. Which don’t get me wrong, I totally understand and respect that. But I don’t mind it! I enjoy being able to share my love for a specific F/O with people who feel the same way, and I appreciate a good canon x canon ship too ^w^

10. Please rave about your F/O(s)! Why you like them, why they like you, a fact or headcanon you haven't shared, whatever you'd like to answer with! (:

Oh goshhh there’s so much I could rave about…. lemme narrow this down and talk about Gabriel May, since I just rewatched Malignant. I’ll put this under the cut cuz I really did start rambling 😅

There’s so much to love about my boy Gabe!! I’m a sucker for a guy with long hair and a sexy voice lol. His look in general is just so badass, with the long black coat and cool (and symbolic) dagger and his backwards-facing body. The latter in particular gives him such a distinct physicality and makes him so fun to watch! Especially when paired with the crazy parkour skills. I could watch him scale buildings and flip over desks and stab bitches for hours! He makes it look like a brutal, beautiful dance 🥰

And he has SUCH pretty eyes omg. People react to him with disgust and horror, but I’m just busy staring at those stunning turquoise eyes!! They’re one of my favorite details about him 🥺💞

And look, Gabriel’s the villain of the film. But he’s also canonically trans and disabled, and his relationship to his identity, and how others try to dehumanize him and take his autonomy away, makes him so fucking compelling. It’s hard not to cheer for him when he’s getting revenge on the doctors who mutilated him and told him he was a monster. I say he deserves a little revenge!!

And the thing that REALLY kills me is that in one scene towards the end, Gabriel is offered a moment of compassion. Of softness, vulnerability, love, and a heartfelt apology for everything he’s been put through. He is told that he deserved to be loved and cared for, not treated like a monster. And when he hears that, he lowers his weapon. He stops and is fully about to put aside his quest for vengeance. Dude was LITERALLY about to stop because of the power of love and then a cop fucking shoots him and he goes off the rails again. THINGS COULD HAVE BEEN DIFFERENT. He just needed a fucking hug and love and tenderness 😭😭😭

AND I COULD GIVE IT TO HIM!!!! I WOULD!!!!! I’d be devoted as hell to him because he’s never received the love he deserves, and he’d probably be distrusting and angry and resistant to it at first. But once it starts to get through to him, once he starts to really get used to the feeling of being loved and cared for, I know he’d be just as devoted in return, if not triple that. He’d be possessive and loyal and downright obsessed, almost religiously so. There’s nothing he wouldn’t do for me, and there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for him! 🥰🥰🥰💞💞💞

[moon-ursidae]

it’s time for session #2!

THERE WILL BE SPOILERS FOR BOTH OF THE LAST OF US GAMES UNDER THE CUT!!!!

these notes are so scattered if you read them without context and i am SO SORRY lmao. i’m typing them so fast trying to keep up with my brain that’s going 700 mph and the game. ANYWAY, we’re getting a very late start tonight bc i was helping my friend learn guitar for a few hours haha

total play time: about 2 hrs and 40 min (there’s not much story progression here just exploring seattle!)

okay so we last left off with ellie and dina in the woods on horseback post joel’s house. i have not gotten farther than the woods bc i was super ultra mega tired. so let us continue!

okay sooooo this section is called the gate cool cool cool

this is fucking gorgeouuusssssss

omg dina listing off all the people that joel crossed

i’m sure there’s more before that bro

oh my god the LIGHTINGGGGG in the woods so so good

we’re so close to seattle i’m scared

so much happens here man

map acquired✅

CARD BABYYYYYY

jesus christ i L O V E the aesthetic of nature reclaiming land and man made structures. it’s sooooooo pretty

oh shit QZ!

i’m looking through ur journal ellie hope you don’t mind haha

dina seems to be sick? well. i know why but ellie doesn’t yet so shhhhhh

it’s so sad to me that every drawing of joel so far that ellie’s done, she hasn’t been able to draw his eyes. that was the last thing she saw of him while he was alive. like she wants to get them just right but everytime she draws it that means she has to look him in the eye again. and maybe she’s feeling too guilty to do that rn. ugh idk i know neil always does shit like that but maybe i’m reading too much into it haha. ANYWAY that is one of the most heartbreaking parts about her journal dude. UUUUGGHHHHH 😭

“i really love her.” 😭😭😭😭 ELLIE TELL HER PLEASE

we just got a letter, wonder who it’s from🕺🏻

kieran?? kieran duffy??????

haha wrong game

also lemme just say, i fucking love dina

she’s so sweet and empathetic, but will cut the fuck out of a bitch when needed

I HAVE TO PARKOUR?? UP HIGH?? IN THE LAST OF US?? OVER A GATE??

this is some nathan drake shit bro where’s nolan north

FUUUUUCK I THOUGHT SHE WAS GONNA FALL BRO OH MY GOD

hoooooollllyyyyyy fuuuuuuck this is a big city jesus christ

LMAO her wobble before she fell down to the platform below

this game is so gorgeous. holy fuckin shit i’m gonna say that a lot huh?

THE SOUND DESIGN??? WHEN GOING DOWN THE LOOKOUT TOWER AT THE GATE OF THE QZ??? WHEN SHE FALLS AND IT ECHOES?? THAT SHIT WAS CRAZYYYY

guys i’m gonna be honest. i’m team brick.

i LOVE being able to break windows this is so fun

oh god i have a horrible memory plz don’t make me memorize these gate codes

side note: i love ellie’s hair here. i’m gonna have to try a lil half up half down situation

i saw someone on twitter point out that it looks a lot like tess’s hair🥺

“well, we believe in you” shimmer and dina? or baby and dina? hmmm things to consider

totally unrelated, but i can’t not hear ashley johnson going “babyyyyyyyyy” with an s.o. since the mighty nein reunion lmao

ellie seeing dina and going “babyyyyyyyy” like yasha LMAO

ANYWAY

fuck i hope i can pull out that page of codes dude

THANK GOD

oh shit another hotel

i’m traumatized after the last on dude you can’t make me go back

H O L Y. S H I T.

THIS IS SO OPEN I’M GONNA SPEND SOOOOOOOO MUCH TIME HERE

FUCK DUDE

this is fucking crazy

there’s so much small shit everywhere oh my fucking G O D

omg joel was definitely reading that space book for ellie she just talked about an early moon mission at this tank

DINA’S JOKE “she’s sounding a bit hoarse” they’re literally made for each other

OH MY GOD I JUST FOUND THE DR. UCKMANN CARD NO FUCKING SHOT

damn is this his way of addressing the crunch work hours at naughty dog?

“once a well respected researcher… questionable experiments in the realm of pushing human limits saw him ostracized from the scientific community… Laurent Foucault of SPARK Laboratories found his work dubious…”

the music is hauntingly beautiful in this area oh my god

OH MY GOD THE SCANNERS THAT DETECT THE VIRUS FROM THE BOSTON QZ IN THE FIRST GAME

i miss the first game LMAO even though i JUST finished that

THERE’S A FUCKING PEARL JAM POSTER IN THE MUSIC SHOP😭

IF I EVER WERE TO LOSE YOU, I’D SURELY LOSE MYSELF😭

i feel like this is supposed to be hank williams which would be fucking sick bc “alone and forsaken” and all that jazz haha

“guitars starting at $49.99” BRO SINCE WHEN I FUCKING WIIISH DUDE😭

as a drummer, i can confirm dina is a fucking natural

“i love you?” A H H H H H

ANUTHA CARD WOOO

Das Wort is my favorite card so far. he just like me fr

WAIT THIS IS THE TAKE ON ME SCENE

i will cry

SHE’S PLAYING FUTURE DAYS😭😭😭😭

BARRE CHORDS??? ellie i could literally never wtf

the chords are all accurate too holy fuck naughty dog

ashley has such a nice voice oh my god

i’m gonna fucking cry bc they put this in the hbo trailer

AAAAHHHHHHH😭😭

this is why i fucking love music dude. it transcends everything and always will. it’s the one thing that connects everyone. and it’s connecting people in this game too and i UGGHHH i love music holy fuck

the way dina looks at her🥹

and also knowing that joel was the one that showed her all of these songs and artists bc ellie wasn’t even alive to hear take on me and future days, and literally everything else. GOOOOODDDDDDDD😭😭

“you should have kissed me then.” “i wanted to.”

god i love dina and ellie they sound like an old married couple already

first dawn of the wolf poster i’ve seen!!! WOOOOO

i’m gonna come back to the nutrition distribution center bc i feel like that shit is gonna be bad news bears

“wasn’t joel all about coffee?” as he should. i’d be all about coffee too if i didn’t have it for years

ANUTHA CAAAARD

i really like the Big Blue card too

THAT FUCKING INFECTED IN THE BATHROOM SCARED THE FUCKING SHIT OUT OF ME MY SOUL LEFT MY BODY OH MY GOD

so many fucking side quests oml what do you mean “barko’s”

oh my god there are so many fucking alleyways to go down

THERE’S SO MUCH TO DO I AM SO BUSY FINDING SECRETS AND STUFFS

BARKO’S LOCATED

it’s too dark in here i don’t like it

“they think we’re sheep! BARE YOUR FANGS.” what in the fuckin trump train “sHeEpLe” is goin on in here

i feel like i’m gonna get fucking jumped by infected again in here

THIGH HOLSTER ACQUIRED

omg plz “we can get a little creature to take care of” AND THEN THEY HAVE A FARM AT THE END😭😭😭

STUN BOMB ACQUIRED

i have already spent 2 hours in this fucking QZ holy shit

i just wanna explore rn i don’t wanna progress story atm

i am secret hunting

ANUTHA CARD BABYYY WEST GATE 2

it doesn’t even look like i’ve done that much😭

i also have a bad feeling about this bank

oh fuck this shit. it goes underground

they are ALWAYS underground bro

dina this is not cool, this is scary

i don’t fucking trust this shit

HOW DID I FUCKING KNOW

infected or whateva🙄

SHOTGUN ACQUIRED

FUCK this bank dude i’m GONE

dina said she’d get a farmhouse with the money😭😭

okay i think i’m gonna stop here bc it is literally 5am and i am sleepy haha. no story! but got some goodies and secrets out of the way! i will continue maybe tomorrow? not sure bc i am quite busy but we’ll see!

having a really good time so far and i love watching ellie and dina’s dynamic! still lots of buildings and secrets to loot! i’m excited >:)

[tsuki-sennin]

Y'know our Revice discussion yesterday might've been cancelled, but there's always time and more careful planning, more importantly, for Momo Monday~! Mugen matsuri da ze! Zenryoku Zenkai~!

Spoilers, I guess...

-Oh, no recap this time?

-OH GAIM HE STRAIGHT UP DECKED HER GSSHG

-Tsubasa time!

-Dog man's got parkour.

-Oh crap, he dropped the shades.

-I guess one of the policemen will pick 'em up and become a target for the Anoni?

-"Who is the bird man and the pupper?" Haruka Kito wonders.

-WHOA HEY DON'T GRAB HER LIKE THAT

-DUDE WHAT

-SHE'S 17 WHAT THE HELL MAN

-I know you're trying to bullshit your way out, but what the hell

-Ah, you need life experience, huh? Just like all the best manga authors.

-Seein' movies, drinkin' tea, shootin' guns... getting very justified looks, because c'mon, please drop this

-Oh, Tsuyoshi! My man! Please, make this less uncomfortable.

-"Hmmm... this weird, shifty guy dressed in leather seems kind of familiar..."

-Remember This Face

-HARUKA C'MON EVEN TSUYOSHI KNOWS THIS SHIT'S FUCKED

-Yes, that's a very good idea, call the police!

-...er uh, wait no don't, he's important!

-HARUKA WHAT

-HELLO LHJ:GLHJ????

-"This guy is a master fugitive who probably killed like fifty bajillion people and I'm a terrified bird man!"

-Doggy bought you a treat!

-Bread! Like Aozora City Premium Tropical Melon Bread? I've always wanted to eat this kind of fancy sweet stuff.

-...by itself, huh?

-RUN BIRD MAN

-Oh, we're free to go.

-HARUKA-

-YOU CRAZY

-It's pretty crazy how you ran into two infamous figures all in the same day, huh buddy?

-Both framed for crimes uncommitted...

-MOMOI-SAN!?

-I love how Taro's just like "Oh, it's you all. ...and this random dog-like leather guy I don't know.

-Oh, a purse snatcher! Aaaaaand a cop Hitotsu-Ki! Keisatsu-Ki! As the case may be.

-Monke Time

-YOU ATE SOMEONE'S DELIVERY YOU MONSTER

-Funny Peach Man is very angry.

-Well at least you're not in jail.

-It's funny because "mongrel" means "doge".

-Is Sayama our oni cop?

-Trapped between a rock and a hard place, huh Tsubasa?

-Sayama gives big

Sayama: "Hey, civvie, get back it's dangerous!" Shinichi: "No, allow me, please~!" Sayama: "The hell are you doing-!?" Shinichi: "This a message for the criminal dirt bag named Tsubasa Inuzuka! ...you can change, bestie, and I love you :)"

HARUKA NOOOOOOOOO PHAIJHKHJHJKHLKLLKJHJKLHKJLL

-I'm sorry, this episode.

-This episode is really fucking funny I stg

-Inoue, are you trying to kill me?

-"...oh hi, Haiku Man :)"

-The gang's all here! And exactly as chaotic together as they are apart, like any good group chat.

-Aw, he's also got a lady in her life.

-Like a stray dog. He's rough and wild on the surface, but he's a good boy at heart.

-He doesn't even understand his own happiness... :(

-Oh, happy birthday! ...happy... 3rd of the month.

-NOBODY EVEN CAME TO TARO'S BIRTHDAY WHAT THE HELL

-They're all having cake together :)

-Goddamn, this is actually really touching, what the hell, why do I love this cast so much.

-OH NO I FORGOT ABOUT THE COPS

-NOOOO TSUYOSHI

-DEATH PENALTY

-AHKAB. All Hitotsu-KI Are Bastards.

-OHHH HE GOT WARPED

-Wan-derful~!

-Awoooooo~!

-Saruhara, it's not haiku time!

-Lot of call backs to... the previous scene lol

-...oh yeah, there wasn't a Ryusoul Yellow. Ohhh, right, they can only become their respective colors. That makes a lot of sense, actually. Well, I guess that means Tsuyoshi's on some king shit forever and ever!

-Don Momotaro! ...since you're here, I have a question. If you were to use the Shinkenger Gear, could you like... pick between Takeru and Kaoru's looks? I mean, I know Toei would make you become Takeru regardless, but this question is important to me.

-PARTY TIME~!

-WITH THE GODDAMN AIRHORN

-He can do that?

-I mean, I guess there's nothing saying he couldn't! But just... doing that feels kinda weird.

-Oh Zyuran... how I miss you. But I promise I'm having a great time with these clowns too!

-Man, Donbura Cafe's like... exactly where Colorful is in Zenkaitopia.

-I see... so, Don Kaito's Sentai Gears become Avataro Gears as more and more Hitotsu-Ki are defeated. ...I realize this was probably shown in one of the previous episodes, but I swear, the way it was shot kinda led me to believe that they just spawn commanded in.

-Tasty Coffee :)

-Momoi Tarou's not a complete whackadoo! :)

-THE SONOS MURDERED THE MONA LISA

-Ohhhhhhhh, Tsuyoshi's fightin'!

-Go for it, Tsuyoshi! Do your wifey proud!

-Man, this series is awesome I can't wait to see more!

[perawuat]

Current opinions on some twisted wonderland characters:

Scarabia:

back then, I initially thought Kalim had a cruel disposition. but here the dynamics seems to me that Jamil is bureaucratically the deputy head of the dormitory, but in practice he controls everything, while Kalim bureaucratically is the leader, but he doesn't do a fucking thing from morning to night!

I bet a kidney that jamil will turn into a dark version instead of KALIM

It makes me laugh too much that Kalim hates eating alone, i mean hahahahahha YOU ARE A VERY DAMNED INNOCENT CHILD

AND I LAUGH AS A STUPID TO THINK THAT KALIM HATES CURRY BUT JAMIL LOVES CURRY HAHAHA

i think jamil is one of the characters that surprised me the most, i mean, do you really breakdance and play basketball ?! and I thought he was a bookworm

if jamil and amelie were a couple, it would definitely be jamil who will cook, otherwise amelie will poison everyone

Jamil = Bad with: Touching bugs (WTF MAN?)

Savanaclaw:

So, I can't understand Leona! He is a big dick, but he respects women, he is a donkey at school, but he knows how to play chess. WHAT ARE YOU! TELL ME WHAT ARE YOU ?!

Leona’s Special skill: Falling asleep in 3 seconds (I can only bow to your magnificence my king)

I imagine Amelie forcing leona to eat vegetables because she is a vegetarian. Guy who beats him to feed him with vegetables. sorry I'm crazy

Since leona is not even good at children, I imagine that whenever they leave his nephew to look after him, he gives it to Amelie. like "take this thing, and make it stop crying!". maybe his nephew becomes fond of Amelie and calls her "aunt"

Leona's mother: who is aunt amelie?

Leona: * sweats nervously *

OK SOMEONE TELL ME HOW A 16-YEAR-OLD BOY HAS THE TONNESS OF ONE OF 30. SOMEONE STOP DOPING JACK!

But in the end he doesn't seem like an evil guy, he's a giant tsundere.

C'mon, you can't call it dangerous, someone who grows cacti and does snoabording LMAO

Ruggie is a small hyena who wants to have a better future, and I must admit that I like her character.

In short, how cute he does part-time jobs, it helps leona, he likes to study animal languages! how can you not love him?

BUT ABOVE ALL WE HAVE DISCOVERED ITS TRUE EDENTITY: sampei is the lmao fisherman

Ignyhide:

Idia plays and cheats at monopoly and I can swear this on my life!

Idia is the type that throws you a +4 and then changes color with the only FUCKING color you don't have in the deck of UNO cards.

why do i say that? because he is in the board games club.

this guy I don't understand if he has problems making facial expressions, or he is an emo with a split personality.

However, I love the fact that he speaks through his tablet.

he loves candy....SOFT UWU

ORTHO MY LOVE, you are cute and sweet, but god you are also disturbing!

what do you mean you love to investigate? AND I AM IN THE BATHROOM MAKING MY NEEDS DO I HAVE TO BE AFRAID THAT YOU ARE SPYING MYSELF?

Is it possible that everyone knows Ortho and no one ever wondered where this robotic child came from? i mean CROWLEY? DO YOU NOT HAVE INFORMATION ABOUT YOUR STUDENTS?

Octavinelle:

Before starting a question permeates my stupid mind: who knows how cool the place will be where these three guys come from! will be under water? will it be like atlantis? do boys turn into mermaids? Hotel? Trivago?

Azul for the love of poseidon! eat healthy food! you can't live by frying food

I love your hobby of collecting coins, what a man of ancient times

I keep saying that the fact that jade and floyd have a centimeter difference is RIDICULOUS

Jade is sebastian and my description of him ends here.

NO WAIT FORGET ONE THING! Jade eats octopus carpaccio and here I spontaneously ask, DO YOU WANT TO EAT AZUL ?!

Floyd and jamil are in the same basketball club and that kills me because you imagine that giant of Floyd against jamil, what will that dwarf do? beat him on the shins?

I love and maybe I'm not so surprised that floyd loves music. I imagine myself playing some jazz music or dancing some slow and sensual dance!

he does parkour? what are you here? ninja?

[zoe-oneesama]

Do you have any thoughts on Sabrina's akumatization in "Miraculer"?

This is gonna get a bit long and a bit all over the place, so strap in:

AKUMATIZATION:

I don’t want to diminish how terribly Sabrina was treated both times she was akumatized, but like...she’s treated that way all the time. I don’t understand why this time was special. I don’t understand why the other times weren’t.

The writers want to have it both ways - have it be a heartbreaking moment of a broken friendship when Sabrina IS akumatized, but have it be a hilarious aspect of Chloe’s personality when Sabrina isn’t. Um, you can’t? Have that??? So already I’m not on board, especially since I knew from the episode description that Sabrina and her feelings were going to be playing second banana to Chloe and her emotional constipation.

THE FRIENDSHIP THING:

Miraculer actually helped put a bigger spotlight on Sabrina’s failings in the friendship - that she doesn’t really understand Chloe. In fairness, Chloe doesn’t really act in any way that is predictable (read: she’s VOLATILE), but when Sabrina tries to rally behind Chloe, it inevitably just makes her more upset. Again, Chloe is unpredictable and it feels like being around her would be walking on eggshells but...

Sabrina’s her best friend. Sabrina’s the person who should know her best.

Everyone watching that episode could tell why Chloe was upset - Ladybug continually refuses to bring Queen Bee back into the fight. From Chloe’s point of view, she’s been rejected (again), she’s being written off, she’s being devalued. Chloe thinks, believes, KNOWS she’s a “good” hero so she’s angry she’s being ignored. NO one ignores Chloe Bourgeois!

So when Sabrina’s solution is to play pretend heroes, it feels like she has a complete lack of understanding about why Chloe is upset. Even if Sabrina didn’t go as deep as considering the rejection part, she should at least understand by now that Chloe hates being ignored or others having a privilege over her. Why would Chloe want to pretend to be a hero when she’s lived it? And Sabrina doesn’t suggest that Chloe pretends to be Queen Bee, the hero she’s yearning to be right now, but that she pretends to be Ladybug, the hero who she’s currently mad at.

Sabrina misses the point often. She’s always trying to anticipate what would get the best reaction out of Chloe instead of thinking about Chloe’s personal feelings on the matter. She tries to defend Chloe forgetting Bustier’s birthday by revealing Chloe’s nonexistent relationship with her mother, which Chloe herself clearly doesn’t want anyone to know about. She tries to promote Chloe as a good hero by putting Ladybug down, even though Ladybug is Chloe’s favorite person in the world. 

At the core, these aren’t bad moves. As I said, she was trying to defend Chloe, she was trying to make Chloe feel better. If Sabrina had badmouthed anyone but Ladybug, it probably would’ve made Chloe smirk and agree. But that’s what I mean by she doesn’t understand Chloe. Something so obvious as Ladybug is Chloe’s Favorite = Don’t Badmouth Ladybug doesn’t even cross Sabrina’s mind. The basis of a friendship is there, but it’s...shallow.

This episode proved to me that Sabrina’s investment in Chloe is just as shallow as Chloe’s investment in Sabrina. She wants to be in Chloe’s good graces, but she doesn’t want to actually delve deep into Chloe or her feelings.

THE AKUMA:

The entire reason this akuma exists is to make Chloe like her again. Why. WHY?! If Sabrina was mad at Chloe, like she should be, she should be gathering up the powers to prove to Chloe that she’s BETTER than Ladybug, that SHE deserves Chloe’s attention and adoration, that SHE can fulfill Chloe’s desire, if only she gives Sabrina the one thing she’s always wanted - acknowledgment. 

But naw, let’s just have Miraculer want the powers so she and Chloe can play pretend forever, soooooounds LEGIT. 

Her design...is so bland. Like, is Sabrina ever going to get a fair shake? Her whippy dip hair has no reason behind it (ex: Princess Fragrance’s hair was meant to resemble a perfume bottle top), her skin just looks really pale instead of like a cool stylized color. She just looks like Sabrina went into a Party City and grabbed the most generic “hero” things she could find and then threw a crazy wig on top because “villain”. 

Her use of the powers was creative on her part, but it further emphasizes how useless they are as a one time thing for our heroes (also timers are once again a non-issue, thnx I still hate it). And this has been bothering me for a while, but why is it when Lucky Charm is ripped off by someone else THEY always get handed a bunch of WEAPONS while Ladybug is given a random item that she has to figure out how to use? Like, how much better/funnier would it have been if Miraculer kept using Lucky Charm but instead got things like a marker or towel? But instead she gets a mallet and Antibug get’s a massive fuck off sword. Okay, sure. Consistency, what’s that?

Miraculer fought really well and used her stolen powers really well, but I couldn’t help but think that she still should’ve gone down without Queen Bee’s help. I mean, it was essentially 4 on 1 after QB left to follow Mayura. Yes, Chat was having internal distress so maybe it’s more like 3.5 to 1, but like, really?! For all your parkour training you don’t seem any better at this guys! No one else thought about tickling her, even as a joke? Or better yet, taking out her kneecaps from behind???

All in all, really disappointing. It didn’t respect Sabrina’s feelings, Sabrina ends up looking really out of touch with Chloe, they STILL tried to retcon that secretly when no one’s watching these two have lots of fun we swear, and they fabricated that ONLY THROUGH CHLOE’S FRIENDSHIP COULD MIRACULER BE DEFEATED, completely ignoring that it was Chloe’s “friendship” that akumatized Sabrina in the first place. What. A. Shit show.

[jq37]

oh my GOD the new ep!!!! like!!!!!!!!! SO MUCH happened but then also the preview for the next ep looks SO GOOD

**spoilers for first kisses and last words**

Hoo boy this was, as I predicted, a BIG one. Not that I needed to be an oracle to figure that out since there’s only a few eps left but man did it deliver.

I still think that Cool Kids, Cold Case had the most off the wall nonsense happening in the shortest period of time but this ep I think was overall the most consistently wild ep.

So let’s take it from the top.

I think I forgot to mention it before but Adaine’s, “I go into a rage,” hardcore cracked me up.

“I have hold person.”/”I stuff a sock in her mouth.” Insult to injury Adaine. 

The entire group dunking on Aelwen, forgetting that Riz is literally bleeding out, half dead.

“sausage festival” 

Adaine really was dead serious about her snitching threat huh?

Ally miming a boom mic.

I love how everyone including Siobhan mess up Aelwen’s name or mix it up with Adaine’s half the time.

And speaking of, wow. What a rise and fall for her in 3 eps (and about an hour in game time). She’s queen of the nerds. She’s not even cool at her own school. And terrified of whoever she made whatever shady deal with. I know she literally tried to kill the whole party last ep and that she’s the worst but I almost feel for her.

Almost.

“This is not on you. This is on the world within which you inhabit.”

I love Adaine’s semi-indigent, “We’re not going to kill you,” because Alwen was 100% ready to murder them which, side note, imagine how much on an international incident that would have been.

Lol at the group tag team bullying Aelwen about going to Mumple and Adaine using her magic jacket for super petty BS.

“Hey mom!”/”GodDAMMIT honey.”

The parent/kid relationships are so good in this show.

Everyone but Kristen parkouring off the roof when Sklonda specifically set up a ladder. 

“The put a girl in a palimpsest,” followed immediately by, “She went to a party,” as if those are on the same level.

Sklonda Gukgak DUNKING Aelwen into the squad car with a technical assist from Adaine. I knew she was gonna be my fave parent from her intro scene and I love her even more than I thought.

“With all due respect, (A/N: Which is none), suck my dick, fuck you.”

“She tried to murder me.”/”BE THAT AS IT IS.”

“Eh, you carry a gun.”

“No one who’s detecting maidens is a maiden.”

I feel like I’m quoting a lot today but there were so many money lines this episode. 

Everyone always loses it when Brennan starts doing the Identify spell voice and I love it. 

Adaine’s dad is T R A S H

Adaine’s mom on the other hand…I’ve been wondering about her for a little while because usually the outright emotional abuse has been from her dad while her mom is either not there or not saying anything. So I’ve been wondering was her deal is and we finally got the start of an answer. I know we only have a few eps left but I hope we go a little deeper into what exactly is going on there. It seems like Adaine’s parents are gonna be a big factor in whatever endgame is planned so fingers crossed,

Everyone cracking up as Emily backs Fig into a corner talking to Penelope. 

I love Gorgug so freaking much. Just his good natured, lumbering self. EVery time Zac opens his mouth gold falls out. 

Emily MAXED out her deception huh?

I think Siobhan must have forgotten that she took the crystal with Ostentasia away from Aelwen at the end of last ep. Either that or they willingly gave it to the cops and I forgot (but I think it’s the former because she said in this ep that it was in Aelwen’s pocket when at the end of the last ep she def took it).

My autocorrect keeps wanting me to type Ellen for Aelwen. I WISH.

I knew it! He’s a PIRATE. Suck it Fabian. (lol at Adaine stirring the pot. That was like Adaine being sincerely polite and Siobhan trying to cause problems and I love mixed motive player/character decisions). 

I wonder if the banker is named after John Hughes. 

I can’t believe the dumb bank is actually a huge plot point.

Yikes, re: Bill and Fabian. That got tense. Though I’ve kinda been waiting for some kind of blowout for a while. His dad runs very hot and cold and I figured it would only be a matter of time before we saw some of the cold.

Also, Lou breaking character in the middle of that very intense moment to clarify a plot point. 

Sidenote: For a hot sec after reading the title of the ep and remembering how Sklonda is competent to the point of (probably) breaking the original plot, I was so concerned she was gonna eat it this ep. So glad she didn’t.

Anyway, the idea of swinging sadly on a rope is so freaking funny.

Fig: Can I offer you a sad song in this trying time?

Huge portrait of Bill Seacaster in Fabian’s room. 

Adaine is gonna bring up him kissing her sister very time she needs to get out of something w/ Fabian for the rest of her immortal life. 

Another sidenote: This is a little thing but I always think it’s interesting when fantasy worlds have the same months and days as us when they’re named after like Norse Gods and Roman statesmen that wouldn’t exist in their world. Same with Roman numerals and Irish coffee. 

“Am I allowed to smoke in here?”/”Of course.”

I really like the character detail that Adaine is always really polite to everyone, including/especially people like Fabian’s maid and Basrar. People that she wouldn’t necessarily “have to” be polite to, you know? It’s like she’s trying to make up for the fact that her family is a bag of dicks. 

“Fantasy Google”

The whole bit with Fabian’s porn stash was so good. This group is so good w/ yes-adning each other.

“Privateer me a new one.” Emily is so good.

“Special investment” Suspicious  

I was thinking “I can’t believe looking at a bank’s FAQs is part of this game,” right as Brennan said it.

So I went back and watched Siobhan’s face from when Emily first mentioned Kal Vaxis to when she got the connection to KVX and it took her 22 seconds. I also missed the quick cut to Brennan when Gorgug asks, “What is Kal Vaxis,” and you can tell he knows they’re so close to breaking it with the little grin on his face. I wish we had gotten a reaction shot right after she got it. Anyway, great team solve w/ the MVP trophy to Siobhan/Adaine. 

I loved when Zac, Emily, and Siobhan all whipped out their laminated maps in tandem to figure out what was happening. 

The hard mood change from Adaine dropping the bomb about Riz’s dad and to forming a committee to help Gorgug flirt with Zelda was wild.

Kristen telling anyone to be suave is hysterical. 

What a DISASTER of a committee Gorgug’s friends are. Well meaning but so trash

Fig: Tell her you got a SICK tattoo

Adaine: Bring her to see art in the middle of the night

Fabian: You cannot date this person (Kristen: You absolutely have to)

Kristen: Actually not garbage advice but she is in no position to be giving dating advice to anyone 

Riz: Having a literal existential crisis 

“Who else is he gonna date?” WOW, savage Adaine.

I meant to say this before but I love how Adaine’s go-to is immediately ice cream and she’s always on board to go to Basrar’s. Like how when she texted everyone 2 eps ago she was like, “Let’s get ice cream now.”

Mmm, don’t love that Gorthalax isn’t answering his phone. I have been waiting for a significant adult to die for a while now.

OK, look, the whole thing about Penelope and Dayne being eternal prom king/queen. Is it wild? Yes. Is it implausible? No. No it’s not. Even Murph, most veteran player, was kind of like, “Wait, does that make sense?” Because, in this setting, it kind of would? I’m not sure it fits within the story so far and I’d have to go back and listen to the more lore-y stuff again but the conceit itself is like the exact right amount of crazy to fit in this setting? And they never cut to Brennan like I wanted so I could judge his face for any kind of tell. But anyway, you guys know I’ve been predicting a prom finale and this would fit right into a prom finale. 

The girls giving Gorgug a pep talk before his date was ADORABLE. 

Gorgug having to check his phone to remember three words, “You look nice.”

“Your friends are popular and loud” True

Zelda’s a BARBARIAN! She’s a MEGA BARBARIAN! 

I know they mean ecstasy like intense emotion but I kept thinking, like, molly.

Hmm, so Penelope wanted to know if Zelda had hooked up w/ Gorgug, ie: if she was a maiden. Can they only palimpsest maidens? Or (as we will get to later) does nice guy Biz only want virginal maidens for his creepy reverse Weird Science arcade setup?

Zelda listing off every type of metal and then Gorgug’s, “Same stuff,” was perfect comic timing on Zac’s part.

Imagine the Hangman screaming down the road on fire, Zelda completely terrified. 

I love the Hangman so freaking much.

“DO NOT GIVE TREATS TO MY MOTORCYCLE.”

I can’t believe everyone is living at the freaking crappy apartments. I knew they were all gonna end up hanging at one persons’ house but I kinda figured it would be Fabian’s house or Gorgug’s house. 

I”m also concerned about Bill. I feel like we keep getting reminded that he’s mortal a LOT.

Did Gorgug’s parents have indoor fireworks on tap for Gorgug’s first date?

Oh my God the whole docking conversation. Never play chicken with Brennan because the dude will not blink.

“We didn’t do that.” That’s his other best comic timing moment of the ep.

“Polishing my axe”

Kristen this episode 

I really wish they’d made the roll to find Ragh later in the ep. Fig is so ride or die for Gilear now and I love it.

“I fall asleep.”

Adaine almost making her parents dunk on Gilear but then pulling back.

But also, Adaine and Gilear going off the the oracle together.

“Fig pack it in.”

Affirmations with Fig and Gilear.

Fig, do you really think platonically cuddling with Kristen is the move?

Riz setting himself up for a dramatic entrance is so fantastic.

Hmm, so Biz and Zayne were attacked at the same time. That’s why that cold pill detail was in there way back. I’ve been trying to figure out what was always planned and what was quick re-working but Brennan is so good I can never really tell.

Are multiple unrelated groups just getting into palimpsests at the same time? Or mostly unrelated groups tied to one person?

“We are not gonna get our security deposit back.”

RIZ’S DAD IS JAMES BOND! YES! I didn’t know I wanted that to be the case until it happened and now that’s the only acceptable option. 

Riz didn’t get the 20′s he needed when fighting Aelwen but man he got it at the best story moment this week.

Oh man that home movie

The pearl is grey. Interesting. 

“Mom our family is so awesome Mom we’re all so badass, I thought it was just us but Dad is awesome too, why didn’t you tell me Mom?”

Sklonda: Internally screaming. 

Man he went full Inigo Montoya.

“I’ve got nimble escape so…”

“I guess we have a two bedroom,” I think was a really underrated funny line.

Did Riz ever tell his mom about the time of death thing.

Everyone inundating Gilear with overlapping chatter.

lol the Hangman likes Zelda’s family

Ally’s panicked, “FUCK” is always hilarious. 

Why are all the adults in Gorgug’s life trying to get him laid?

OK so the elementals were conjured by Aelwn’s magic Brennan said. He said by Aelwen’s magic, not by Aelwen. I wonder if that turn of phrase was specific or arbitrary. Like, we were told where Aelwen is but we don’t know. Was she forced to do it (either by threat or by magic)? Clearly someone (Biz?) is pulling her strings to at least some degree. 

“It’s probably about marriage.” “WAR HAS BEEN DECLARED.”

That happened fast

Fun fact from my International Law class: When a government kidnaps someone, it’s called rendition. 

“There’s a war, fuck school.”

Yeah it is wild that Adaine’s parents didn’t call her.

OK so did the Elves get Aelwen back but also go, “But you still need to go to jail.” Because they cut Brennan off before the end of that sentence which might have had more clues in it.

“I text my mom k”

I also wanna know who gave Kristen a slushy marg (It’s war times. I bet things are looser now)

Murph’s face when Brennan said, “Lucky Stones” was so good. That was so Riz.

S/O to Ally for pre-casting Guardian of Faith. Good instinct. 

AHHHHHH BIZ

As I said in an earlier conversation s/o to Adaine for DUNKING on him at every opportunity because he DESERVED IT. Also, her instincts for who sucks in this game have been spot on.

Another s/o to Riz for having the presence of mind to not pull a Star Lord and to pretend to be on the bad dude’s side for long enough to gain some kind of upper hand.

OK, wow was not expecting that twist. I feel like I need to go back and rewatch some stuff to get a better handle of the timeline and stuff. Like, when exactly did the girls start going missing again? And what year is Biz? Has he been masterminding this whole thing? I feel like no but I feel like he’s masterminding his own thing which happens to a puzzle piece in something bigger? BUT IT’S A PRETTY DAMN BIG PIECE. Who opened the new arcade? Is it connected to the bank?  How did Biz get involved? Who’s his supplier? Did someone hook up Biz, Daybreak, Penelope, and Aelwen with Palimpsests to do their own separate things, hoping that at least one of them would succeed which would somehow be good for the mystery person? I am so excited to find out and I really hope Brennan and the cast do a Q+A sesh after S1 is over to hash some stuff out.

Siobhan’s face when Biz said he was going after Adaine.

ALSO, you’re just gonna TELL RIZ and you wanna PUT ONE OF HIS BEST FRIENDS into a MAGIC CRYSTAL???? AND YOU THOUGHT HE’D BE ON BOARD? Like, even if he was, what about the 4 other people who are there?????

(sidenote, wild Gorgug’s parents just left them alone, no questions asked)

Theme-wise, this is the fight ep I’m most excited for. It seems rad as hell.

All that yelling in the promo for next week. Either the raddest thing possible happened or there was a TPK. There is no other option.

Wow, that was a stellar ep and this is a really long post. I really can’t wait for next week’s!

Edit: I meant to say before, is Penelope’s FB album like…a hit list? Like does whoever’s doing the actual dirty work (Biz? S/o else?) know that whoever she takes a picture with is who they should target?

[significantfoliage]

911 S2 E2:

- dang is there any modern show set in a hotel? I've kinda loved getting all these vignettes

- who is the guy creating this woman in a robe, I do not respect him

- aUgh he's doing exactly what I expected ew powerful men

- oh the dog panicked first cause earthquake and that's what animals tend to do

- hey like. I know earthquakes are crazy but LA has been on this fault the whole time and there's some decent earthquake resistant architecture in the world. How realistic is all this?

- okay wait where's all of Eddie's kid's stuff like he doesn't have a lunch box or a backpack, I'm concoined

- really hope dyed hair parkour bro isna recurring character, that was super fun to watc- aaaaaand Athena caught him right away

- anyways I'm still damn opposed to sending children to jail

- welcome to LA Maddie!! The city is chain with excitement to meet you!!

- all the dell logos on the resetting computers 🤣🤣

- damn one episode after hating each other and now its the Buck and Eddie crazy climb mission duo

- fucking love that Harry is just sitting there playing his Nintendo ds

- they literally do not have time for these dramatic conversations

- also I'm surprised they got together the like 7 or 8 fire extinguishers I saw

- why does Marvin know how to hotwire a cement truck, that's not joyrider fun

- genuinely love Marvin, please make him recurring

You know, while they were showing I thought to myself "I wonder if they'll make this earthquake go on for longer, I bet all those effects and sets cost a lot of money" and I was right cause here the cliff/highrise hanger

[pass3rby]

Caught By Your Past

24th Part

Fandom: Assassin’s Creed Pairing: Altair x Malik Warnings: modern AU, mature, OOC, original female character; unbetaed.

A/N: Here’s to a better Monday (hopefully)

Even a snail-speed did not stop a development. If somebody tried to put it into a picture show, it would be a night or a hanging-out nap per slide and each would star Altair a bit closer to the bed than the one before.

As much as Malik was trying to keep his annoyed facade going and on, things were gradually changing for them and if he should be honest at least to himself, he didn't do his best to avoid it. He made the exact opposite actually – which meant letting things happen. Therefore, they had trash-talks and they didn't tiptoe around each other. Neither missed the opportunity for a good ribbing; Altair had nagging down to a science and Malik always repaid his affection in kind with a dash of dry & salty on top. His unparalleled claim on the bed stayed respected.

Among other things, the three of them also had a movie night, full of Malik's condescending remarks aimed either at the screen or at Altair who kept shoving his feet on his lap and his sister lording over them both with popcorn thrown at whichever of them she decided deserved it the most at a randomly selected moment; which ended spectacularly with half-a-comforter and the same amount of a passed-out sister on him, exclusive Backpain edition of a Death in The Making and Altair seated on the floor in between his legs, out cold as well.

They still did not “get their freak on” – and thank you, sis, there is never going to be any after hearing you sing-rap… What the even… What was that? Altair nearly laughed his ass off when he heard that one. Must have been something real dreadful then.

It was only a matter of time until this unmanned train took them to another level, though. Therefore, Malik wasn't surprised when one day he found himself lying in his bed with Altair loosely spooning him. Either a lethargy hit his system hard or his brain stopped overthinking everything for that moment; maybe both. But he didn't pull away and neither did he kick Altair off the bed.

Being tense was just a far-off memory now; one muscled arm thrown over Malik's side in a relaxed manner only accentuated the feeling. Random patterns being drawn on his hip... How exactly did they get there? He honestly couldn't tell – or remember. The only thing his mind was able to recognize, be aware of and distinguish was the proximity, warmth and overall tranquil ease of the moment that he was soaking up. Things he grew unaccustomed to overtime slowly settling over his body, then gradually seeping into him.

As sappy as it sounded even in his own head, Malik didn't want to lose this. Not again. It was worth everything, all the costs that went along with it. Like it had been worth it to the very moment he could not keep up. Like the memory was, still.

Recently, Altair's phone came back to life. For the whole span of his visit here the device must've been on plane mode or something, otherwise there would be no reasonable explanation of the phone suddenly blasting various hits through the flat so much only as of late. Malik could count on the fingers of one hand how many times he saw the man use the device before. That sudden trilling mania somehow popped the isolated-reality bubble which formed around the three of them.

The knowledge of the world outside, its existence, was always there; Malik interacted with it all the time, contrary to popular belief. The amount was limited, but there. Intellectually, he got that covered. Still, as absurd as it sounded, that cursed piece of technology set all alarms in Malik's head off. Soon after he realized why. There was still the rest of the world that could concern Altair and worse – that would demand him back. And as much as Malik was sure of his own worth, accepting that wasn't as easy as it sounded. The world was exactly what took Altair away from him the last time, too, after all.

This was nonsense. He behaved like a teenage girl here. They were good and those were just silly phone calls. And if he strengthened his own hold on the arm embracing him a bit so what. It was comfortable, and he fucking liked it.

It was going to be fine, he firmly decided. Suck it up.

Trying to hide the subtle change behind reasoning, he shot off the first question that came to mind.

“What do you do for work anyway?” Coming to think of that, it wasn't a stupid one. What was stupid was the fact that even after three weeks, Malik actually didn't know the answer.

“I'm a BASE jumper.” Fingers kept on drawing yet another pattern into Malik's skin, obviously disinterested in the topic and overall not finding it worth stopping what they were doing. Which perfectly complemented Altair's unphased words. Malik? Not so much. His muscles spasmed and his whole body froze.

Well, Altair never did anything by halves, did he…

His anger simmered forth and an elevated pulse didn't stay far behind. Having to call upon the trademark scowl to get back where it belonged only made Malik register that it was missing in the first place and what an utter wanker!

There was never a better opportunity to drop that pin.

Dear idiot, have you ever heard of the silence before–

Apparently, Altair never did, because he didn't make a mad dash for exit the very second.

A book hit Altair's head.

Fast.

Hard.

“You told me you're staying, you fucker!” Malik surged up, glaring at the liar. Does he honestly think Malik's an idiot who doesn't know what BASE jumpers do to get their rocks off?!

“I am, though!” Altair followed his example and as much as his voice was vehement, his face was painted with a dumbass look. Unsurprisingly, it didn't keep strictly to his face; Malik could almost see the idiocy seeping into the brain matter, too. As if Altair needed any more.

“No, you're not! You travel the whole blasted world!”

Trying to kill yourself in the process!

“Malik, what the hell?!” Self-preservation instincts must've finally kick in, because Altair made a quick escape out of the bed. The temptation of maiming him lessened a bit. For now.

That uncomprehending, confused expression didn't disappear, though.

As if he had any right-

“I've said what my job is right on the first day here. What's so wrong about it all of a sudden?”

Way to make Malik go beet red. Because, unbeknownst to him, the brunette pointed out that it was Malik's own fault. This is what you get for spacing out at a wrong moment. Altair must've mentioned his occupation when Malik was still too busy trying to ride the sudden tsunami wave of…everything when he saw Altair for the first time in twelve years. Not only was he acting like an absolute moron just seconds ago, but he was also frustrated and desperate now – thanks to his own lapse. That was just so–!

He hurled yet another book Altair's way, wishing he could fling it at himself instead.

  ***

  After Altair left to seek safety outside the room, Malik started to gradually cool down. It didn't happen of its own accord; the anger would most probably insist on staying until it burned him up physically just as it had mentally, but Malik wasn't fond of letting anything or anyone control him. He might've had a temporary, weak moment, but it was time to reign the fire back in. Only to find out he had nothing to do.

No, let him rectify that statement. He had loads to do and the only thing that separated him from it was the power button on his laptop. Currently, however, he would only add more errors than corrections. Disgusted at himself for such loss of control, the more motivation it was to recall his unfocused mind back in order. If he ever wanted to regain his mental equilibrium back, though, he had to divest himself of the pressing distraction. And the first step to achieve that was to address the matter. So, folding his arms on his chest, he did.

As much as both him and Altair were stubborn, as much as the room refugee was venturous in his very core, Malik was proud. Not that he didn't have grounds to be. However sometimes, the trait made it hard to admit a mistake of his own doing. He was very careful to avoid situations that would push him into the very act, but nobody's perfect and the recent argument had only proven that statement once again. Malik was adept at owning his mistakes nowadays; he still did not enjoy doing that but was capable of the action. That alone wasn't all there was to the problem, was it.

The real issue was Altair's... job. Hobby. Both, because Altair would not spend an hour of his time on something that wouldn't be worth it to him. Arguing aside; the thing was serious. Dangerous business. Heaps of adrenaline. Exactly what Altair always craved. Malik was no stranger to dealing with this situation. An exact same one. He could swear it wasn't so hard to do when he was seventeen, though. And back then? Altair was far from holding back, too. Those who'd dare to think that him being younger forced some limits on him would be sorely mistaken. He used to dab into all sorts of things anyway which was no wonder, considering his crew of madness.

Ezio was overly fond of walls to the point that indoor wall climbing didn't even register on his radar anymore and instead, he went for urban parkour and freerunning. While Altair and the Italian weren't necessarily joined at the hip – small miracle and mercy spared on Malik – they sure shared similar, if not identical mindsets overall. Kenway would be another rebellious breed; mostly into activities involving water. These two, he and Ezio, were really tight, therefore where Ezio was, Kenway turned out to be nearby as well and vice versa. Therefore, although their diverging hobbies, the guys stole moves and tricks from each other and developed their styles even further down the road. Bec seemed like the least insane of the bunch, but even she had her own brand of crazy. In her case, the calling was technology, which sounded innocent enough. Until Malik witnessed her “fucking around” on a skateboard and glanced off a part of her snowboard-rave holiday trip, documented with the help of her baby drone.

That would be the main influential group of people that surrounded Altair for what seemed like ever since forever. And the teen wholeheartedly inhaled all he could from each one of them and then some, because his own specialization? Heights and jumps. Seriously, if you saw a spot so high your head spun, and Altair wasn't there already? All you had to do was mention the location.

Malik had been fine with who Altair was when they hit it off. He knew the guy equaled a walking, unbridled composition of insanity. They couldn't've been more different and that was fine as well. Thorough the time they've been an item, there were countless occasions where Altair turned up with some sort of injury – bones broken, black eyes, bruised ribs, cuts, you name it. Far from ideal to an outsider and yes, Malik wasn't delighted with all the bloody clothes either. Hell, the medicine cabinet must have gotten more action than he did in total. But when push came to shove, Malik would always accept it.

Accept it.

Malik reverted back into his present self. The one that was now clenching its fists and teeth. Unclenching his hands, releasing them out of the spastic prison, he forced the real issue – the truth out.

He was afraid.

Fear got to him this time around and it was the bone chilling kind, too. It was so easy to believe that Altair couldn't die, that nothing serious could happen to him when he was younger. The teen had pulled through so many failed attempts at whatever; he seemed immortal and excluded that level of confidence as well. Why would Malik worry back then?

Altair still got that vibe going on. The only difference here was, that Malik went with what his brain said much more these days. He was older. He was supposed to be sober-minded; smart. A fat lot of good it did to him here.

He didn't like it, alright?! He. Fuckin'. Didn't. BASE jumping was hazardous – at best. It was something Altair obviously had to do, loved to do, though. So, in the end, it didn't really matter what Malik thought. This wasn't about whether Altair would stop, quit the job for him or not. It was about Malik deciding to either go and tell Altair to fuck off or apologize and hope for the best.

He took in his whole room. The rackety chair still stood on all four, his books were sorted precisely the way he left them, there was no secondary background sound, only the wind sweeping through the trees outside.

Neither here nor there, that's where Malik stood at the moment and for the next couple of minutes. Then, done with the limbo, he bit the bullet, leaving the door open as he marched forth.

  ***

  Of course this would be when it all went to shit.

Altair had no idea what exactly provoked Malik to such extent, but that didn't mean the result would disappear. He was still in the kitchen and Malik was still in his room.

Until he wasn't.

Hearing a noise behind him he spun around only to end up with a chest full of Malik's forehead. This was certainly unusual. No matter, he was far from refusing the gesture and what it meant. Wrapping his arms around the man, he was just glad that whatever that previous outburst was for, it was gone and done with; over.

Not that he wasn't interested in finding out what caused it; Malik wasn't one to lash out for something trivial. Altair sensed it was better to let it be, though. If and when Malik would want, he'd tell him. Of that, his sorry exiled ass was sure. The man was the least person to keep his mouth shut if he didn't like something, Altair thought with certain amount of affection.

“Wanna go grab a coffee?” They were bound to separate any minute now, so he might as well rid them of any possible awkwardness.

“Got to get my phone,” was a mumbled reply before Malik began pulling away. Altair didn't stop him.

“I'll wait by the door.”

Next

[skeletonsgrim]

from @astertale: I hope I’m not coming off as bothering you too much on the topic of kids, and I don’t mean to force anything on you, but… Come ON. That’s not being bad with kids, that’s being surrounded by judgemental assholes while you struggle to do the best that you can, and you did AMAZING! I mean, Pap and Dings ADORE you (can’t say the same about me & my mom lol), so right there you HAVE to know you didn’t screw them up. And for the other stuff, that’s just little stuff. Swearing? Screw up once, apologize, ask the kids not to repeat it, lesson learned. Parkour? Tell them not to try this at home. Age appropriate stuff? That’s trial and error. For that lady’s kid with the science kit, it’s not like she blew herself up or started cooking meth or anything. If she HAD, I’m sure you would’ve jumped right in there to fix it, because that’s what parents/guardians DO. You’ve probably done that a million times with Dings growing up and not even realized it. Hell, I bet you’ve got some crazy good dad reflexes and you don’t even know it. I mean, let’s consider the parkour skills and put two and two together.

Whether you ever wanted kids or not, or whether you’d ever consider the possibility of being able to spawn any of your own or not, I know a big adorkable sweetheart like you would be GREAT at it. If the circumstances had been different for you and your brothers growing up, like if you’d had a consistent source of food and shelter (and I am tremendously sorry that you didn’t, I want to build a time machine and go back to send you ALL the cookies and blankets and rain coats and clean socks and maybe also adopt the three of you), people WOULD STILL be judgemental assholes about everything you did. You let Dings & Pap pursue his interests, and now look at them. They’re both very happy in spite of their circumstances aren’t they? And you’re clearly very proud of them. You might think you went through hell to bring them up on your own, and there’s no arguement from me whether you did or didn’t, but you pulled it off and you pulled it off AMAZINGLY. You’ve got two adult younger brothers who are successful, happy, and grateful to YOU for all of your hard work and effort bringing them up. They love you and they respect you. That’s the mark of a sucessful parent-figure right there. You already ACED this.

Kids aren’t easy, rearing them under ANY circumstances isn’t easy, and people will be assholes to you about it anywhere you go. And yeah, some of the stuff they do or get into will make you panic sometimes. But at the end of the day you’ve got to remember that someday, these guys are going to be adults. And when you make mistakes with adults, you apologize and you try again - you can do the same with kids, they’ll understand and better yet, they model the behaviour. It’s a learning experience on both sides, you know?

Don’t you DARE tell me you’re bad with kids aughh why do you keep making me want to hug you so bad -_-; Don’t sell yourself so short, mmkay? If parenting and child-rearing were an exam then you’ve already ACED it.

*starts filling several boxes with homemade maple cookies and chocolate kisses, then wraps them with brown mailing paper while muttering to herself…*

((Night I hope that rant was semi-coherent I just love kids and this tickled some of my buttons about it. Hope I didn’t overstep ^-^;;))

* -!!

* ... stars, sweetpea, you sure do have a way with words, don’t you..? i... hell, you’re way too kind. i dunno about aceing anything on this topic, but it means the world to me that you think i didn’t screw it all up entirely.

* don’t apologize... i know you’re comin’ from a sweet ‘n kind place of passion on the subject, ‘n i respect and love the hell outta that.

* that said, don’t get me wrong - i figure i did the best i could, y’know? i admit to myself i was a kid. i may’ve fucked up on more than one occasion - a lot more - but at the very least, i made sure my brothers knew that i loved the hell outta them, ‘n they were adamant about ensurin’ i knew the same of them.

* i may not be good at kids as a whole, but i stand by that bein’ the most important thing beyond food ‘n shelter. you can get through any number of hells, if you know you’ve got a loved one reachin’ out for you on the other side.

* but, uh, i really wasn’t the best influence. i took ‘em to Waterfall when i was 12, ‘n started teachin’ em how to parkour over gaps ‘n along the trash to get to the good stuff since i figured it was a damn important skill. i had learned the basics when i was 5, so, y’know... yeah, it’s a bad translation.

* there was also the time i started teachin’ Pap about trap puzzles because his teachers were holdin’ him back for bein’ dyslexic ‘n not pickin’ up on it. they wouldn’t teach him, but i would - but, uh, i’m not one to ever hold back on topics of passion. he wanted to know the big stuff, so... i sure showed him how to build complex spring-loaded trap cages ‘n joke ejection tiles activated by a lack of magic.

* ... oh, ‘n the time i got called to the school because Dings had apparently picked up on my swearin’ while doin’ commissioned repairs at home... he never showed he had until he apparently cursed the fuck outta a classmate who he found had been filling Paps’ cubby with wet socks.

* ........ also, Pap mighta held onto the now lifelong habit of exitin’ comically through windows because of me. not sayin’ that i started laughin’ for the first time in a week when his exasperated teacher told me he had done it the first time when another kid asked him how he felt about a cute classmate... but i totally laughed myself straight off the chair and had to leave the room still laughin’ with a beamin’ Pap under my arm. i never did tell him to stop that.

* ... there’s also the matter of the kids that i interact with nowadays, but... that’s a lot darker a topic, i’m not gonna subject ya to that unless you really wanna know. point is, it certainly doesn’t leave me feelin’ any kinda good about how i even can interact with ‘em.

[hopeatermain]

Modern au!Arno x Desmond Sister!Reader: New town

Rating: T just to be sure.

Genre: Romance and friendship

Summary: You and Desmond just arrived in the little town of Taranse, a few miles away from New York and close to a beach. The two of you then meet a young man with a french accent...

Other warning: The reader is Desmond’s twin sister and eloped with him to the little crazy town. You’re 16 and Arno is 15. Arno and Elise aren’t dating (yet). This happens in the same universe as my modern headcanons of Assassin’s creed. I guess you could consider this a gift to @midnight-skittles. Enjoy!

Word count: 1103 words

Free.

That was the first feeling you and your brother had once you both finally got onto the train for Taranse. You see, you both had enough of your’s father pressure and control on your life, and so, decided to elope to the little town where your cousin and grand-uncle lived. You both were free.

Now, you just needed to find your way to their house.

Which was going to be hard, seeing as everyone who lived there seemed a little insane.

You see, the first impression you had of the syrian side of the family was that they were weird. Well, maybe not your uncle, but your cousin was definitely weird, what’s with him wearing about five layers of clothing and sunglasses inside, being a prick to absolutely everyone but apparently dating two people at the same time and looking exactly like your brother. Just blonder, more tanned, and probably making more ladies swoon. 

They had stayed for a few days, and you both got surprisingly along with Altair once he stopped being a dick. He talked to you both about the life in Taranse, how lots and lots of people got along, the fact that it was basically a picturesque little town close to the beach, looking like it was somewhat backwards in time but actually weirdly liberal.

Well, he didn’t exaggerate when he said that it was weird.

Horses and hay were absolutely fucking everywhere. The people there all seemed colorful, both in appearance and character. People running on the rooftops and jumping from said rooftops only to land in the hay. A German guy rescuing the cat of a little girl who was stuck in a tree before screaming something at a Russian old man who told them to get off his lawn (the tree was on the lawn). In short, everyone and everything seemed a little crazy.

Well. It fits with your first impression of your cousin.

So, you decided to start exploring the little town. Nothing major, just enter some shops to see what was inside. And somewhere along your exploring, you lost Desmond. Of course you tried calling him, but you discovered that your phone was out of batteries. And you didn’t have any money on yourself to use a phone boot. 

Great.

Arno had no idea of how the others had succeeded in convincing him with going out. Not that he was depressed, but he was rather anti-social and didn’t like going out when he didn’t need to. He was more interested in reading stories of crimes and detective or working on his amateur novel. Not go outside and meet new people. He was fine with the amount of friends he had, thank you very much.

Oh well. At least they decided to leave him alone for a while since he simply decided to take a walk. At least, the fresh air was giving him ideas. For his novel, I mean.

And that’s when he saw you.

You were sitting in front of a bench in a park. Your (h/l), (h/c) hair gently moving through the wind and your (e/c) looking at the parent/child duo playing, who he knew as Haytham and Connor Kenway. You were dressed in a rather casual style, had no makeup on (who was he to judge?), had a white backpack slung on your shoulders and, most of all, you were looking lost.

That’s when Arno realized something.

Not that he was enamored with you, but that you were aesthetically pleasing and that he was going to model the hero of his novel on you.

If you agreed, of course.

“Hum, excuse me?” You looked at the man with a french accent who spoke to you. Well, “man” is not exactly the exact term, what’s with him looking to be around your age. He wasn’t bad on the eyes, he even looked good, but you weren’t exactly in the mood for flirting right now. “What is it?” “Oh, sorry. I guess I should present myself. My name is Arno Dorian and I am trying to write a book. I only have a few things thought out about it, and I was wondering if you were okay if I modeled the main character on you?” 

Okay, that was unexpected. “Well, uh... I’m not sure. I’m kind off lost, and I don’t have any money on me right now.” Your stomach growled. “And I may be hungry...” “I can pay a meal for you. And give you some money if you liked.” Free meal, some money and a discussion with a French hottie who found you beautiful enough to want to model a character after you? You guessed you could go with that. “Uh... sure?”

And that’s how you found yourself in a cozy pizzeria with Arno taking notes on how you looked, sometimes asking you question on your life to make the character as accurate as the inspiration as possible, while still respecting your boundaries. “By the way, mademoiselle, you haven’t told me your name?...” “Oh, it’s (y/n) Miles.” “Altair’s american cousin?” “Hold on, you know Altair?”

“Everyone in Taranse know each other, mademoiselle Miles. Altair and I have met in the Alhambra, after a drama presentation when I was six and him, eight. We aren’t exactly friends, but we’re both members of the parkour club in our city, so there’s that.” “Do you know where he lives?” “... Yes?” “Can you take me there? And hand me your phone please, I need to call my brother.”

After Desmond finally found the pizzeria you were talking about, the three of you headed for the house of the Syrian side of your family. You were greeted by a flabbergasted Rashid, an hysterical Altair, a grumpy seventeen years old who was apparently his boyfriend and, five minutes later, your mother called in near panic, asking if the two of you were there. After your grand-uncle told her that the two of you were there and in one piece, he handed the phone to your brother ( who proceeded to be asked what the two of you were thinking) while you were on the couch, talking with Arno.

“You... didn’t mention you were a runaway.” “Look, our father is jerk and put way too much pressure on both of us. We couldn’t take it anymore and Altair was pretty much the only option that we saw at the time.” “I see.” Silence. Then “I hope you will be allowed to stay. You are a lovely company, (y/n).” “Thanks. You’re not bad yourself, Arno.”

This was the start of what you could see as a beautiful friendship.

THERE. Something. I finally wrote something. Maybe this is what I need to get back into writing. Maybe it’s not. I don’t know. First reader insert I write. Made this for @midnight-skittles. Hope you like it!

[umbra-yoshi]

Warframe but like in high school

Atlas: Senior. Workout buddies with Rhino. Has a rock collection. Surprisingly good at cooking.

Ash: Senior. Bros with Excalibur. Closet weeb. Thinks Banshee is attractive.

Banshee: Junior. Loves listening to dubstep. Headphones never come off…NEVER. Very quiet and shy.

Chroma: Senior. Has a large pet lizard that he feeds live chickens named “Draco”. Plays Dragonborn in Dungeons & Dragons. Has multiple dragon posters.

Excalibur: Senior. Plays Quarterback on the football team. Has high grades. Also closet weeb. Has a crush on Mag.

Ember: Junior. Has a thing for Valkyr. Throws lit firecrackers at people. Smokes weed.

Equinox: Freshmen. Creepy twins. Finish each other’s sentences. One wears black, the other wears white. ALWAYS together.

Frost: Junior. Has a thing for Ember. Is always wearing a hoodie because he’s cold…all the time.

Gara: Sophmore.Got to this school on an art scholarship. Really into making glass sculptures. Can be a real hipster sometimes. Alot of the time. Likes to hang out with Loki sometimes but doesn't partake in his blazing. She uses other methods.

Harrow: Sophomore. Really into occult stuff. Has Demonic pentagrams on his notebooks and lockers. “Do you have time to talk about our Lord and savior, Satan?” is the line he uses to break the ice. Taken a liking to Nekros. History teacher’s favorite. Scares the hell outta Mag. (Poor girl.)

Hydroid: Sophomore. Likes pirates of the Caribbean. Wears a pirate hat everywhere. Perverted. Tells terrible pirate related puns.

Inaros: Sophomore. Has a beetle collection. Timid. When threatened throws pocket sand. Nekros’ younger brother.

Ivara: Freshman. Loves Archery. Reads comics. Green Arrow and Hawkeye are favorite heroes. Pro Hanzo in Overwatch. Always falls asleep in class.

Khora: Junior. Really loves cats. Her cat follows her to and from school. Has joined circles of other *clears throat* "animal enthusiasts". *COUGH* Has this secret Dominatrix thing goin' on. Has this crush on Valkyr.

Limbo: Junior. Wears a Tux everywhere. Thinks he’s good with the ladies. Not very good with the ladies. Terrible at Math.

Loki: Sophomore. Ash’s younger brother. Plays pranks with Mirage. Has a criminal record for Vandalism and Public indecency. Also smokes weed.

Lotus: Principal. Knows everything about the students. Chooses to do nothing about it. Inexplicably always drinking coffee. Plays handheld games (like DS and PSP) during work hours.

Mag: Freshman. Trusted by Lotus to keep everyone in check. Never acts out. Straight A’s. Makes Nyx jealous because her boobs are bigger. Loves Astrology and Physics. Has science blog. Smallest in school

Mirage: Senior. Teases Loki with “Perverted acts”. Loves playing pranks. Blew up Principal’s bathroom and didn’t get caught. Rarely shows up for class. Likes to dress Mag up in outfits.

Mesa: Junior. Plays Overwatch with Ivara, mains McCree. Loves to tell you what time it is (you know damn well what I mean) Has a bunch of old Cowboy movies. Remembers every scene of Walker Texas Ranger.

Nyx: Senior. Small boobs, big brain. Everyone listens to her, Sorta the disciplinarian.

Nekros: Senior. Always wears all black. Never smiles. Childhood friends with Saryn. Unaware that almost every girl and Limbo (excluding Nyx, Saryn, Ember, Khora, and Mirage) is afraid of him.

Nezha: Sophomore. Only Transgender in school, loves to tell everyone about it. Burned down the gym one time and didn’t get caught. Wrote his name in fire in the school courtyard.

Nidus: Junior. Owns every zombie movie ever. Likes to wear zombie makeup to school. Jumpscares Mag all of the time.

Nova: Freshman. Best at astrophysics…beats Mag actually. Has a weird thing for blowing shit up. Respected by Ember. Tutors Rhino and Valkyr.

Oberon: Junior. President of Nature club. Loves butterflies. Extremely dense but has an A in biology.

Octavia: Junior. Banshee and her are the female equivalent of bros for life. Made Banshee’s Spotify playlist. Makes her own mixtapes. Plays said mixtapes on morning announcements. Lotus would do something about it if she didn’t really like the music.

Ordis: Sophomore. Fairly nice guy on the outside but has some pretty weird/demented thoughts on the inside. Unfortunate that he also has tourette's syndrome. Convinced the Equinox twins that he was the same as them just sharing a body.

Rhino: Senior. Jacked! Pretty dumb. Great football player.

Saryn: Senior. Owns a Katana for God knows why. Pretty chill. Student Council president. Smokes weed and drinks. Developed feelings for Nekros. Created the dogmatic teaching of “Biggest boobs makes the rules”. Also not very liked by Nyx.

Simaris: Junior. Is in charge of a bunch of clubs. Gets REALLY in people's personal space, rapping off the club benefits if anyone shows just a passing interest in joining.

Stalker: Sophomore. Emo. Probably planning school shooting. Hates everyone but Nekros. Has a really creepy crush on Mirage.

Suda: Science Teacher. It's almost creepy how much she knows about science. Hates the History Teacher and all of his "ludicrous theories".

Titania: Freshman. VP of nature club Huge crush on Oberon but will never say it. Even dressed up as a butterfly to get him to notice her only to be outshined by his butterfly costume.

Teshin: Gym teacher. Doesn’t give a fuck.

Trinity: Junior. Goody two shoes. Helps out the school nurse. Wants to be a doctor. Asked Volt to play Doctor. Volt thought she wanted to like practice medicine which they did…sorta.

Vauban: Senior. Engineer. In robotics. A’s in physics. Heard of sports at most. Always in charge of fixing everyone’s….everything. Lotus even bribed him to fix the computersin the lab rather than paying for an actual professional. Worked out in the end.

Volt: Junior. On track team. Listens to Sonic the hedgehog soundtrack while jogging. Crush on Saryn. Avoids Trinity actively.

Valkyr: Sophomore. Good at gym but not much else. Anger issues. Pummeled Hydroid to a pulp for looking at her butt too long. Rhino’s younger cousin. Kinda scared of Khora.

Zephyr: Junior. Owns a pet hawk that creeps out everyone considering it follows her every command. Does parkour and hanglides.

Wukong: Freshman. Practices gymnastics. Practices martial arts with the Bo staff just to say he can. Showed up to practice drunk one time. Has a pet monkey named Pyjak that he puts sunglasses on and takes selfies with.

Clem & Darvo: College kids that hang out near the school. The suppliers of all of the contraband that goes around the school.

Amaryn (New Loka Lady): Vice Principal. Lotus’ advisory and all-around babysitter. Struggling to find a way to hide Lotus' video games from her.

Cressa Tal (Steel Meridian Lady): English Teacher. Claims she hates men yet has a new boyfriend every few weeks. Every class is like a sad romance novel.

Arbiters of Hexis: Mean teachers I forgot to cover.

Ergo Glast (Perrin Sequence guy): Math Teacher. So boring he sometimes puts himself to sleep while he’s at the board teaching.

Red Veil dude: History Teacher. During class he makes random Conspiracy theories. Everyone thinks he’s crazy.