#paris fashion town
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gurlypop · 27 days ago
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𐙚🧸ྀི
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aromaswrld · 1 year ago
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the-marie-jane · 1 day ago
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brian-in-finance · 1 year ago
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Photo: Stéphane Fugere
Caitriona Balfe's Loewe SS24 Runway Photo Diary
The 'Outlander' star took T&C behind the scenes to get ready and attend the Paris Fashion Week favorite.
A top-billing show this season in Paris, Jonathan Anderson's Loewe drew red carpet royalty. With the gliterrati out in full force, T&C got an inside look into the show with actress Caitriona Balfe, who took us behind the scenes as she got glammed and dressed for the SS/24 runway presentation. Here, Balfe takes us into her suite before making her way to the castles of Esplanade Saint-Louis, showing behind-the-scenes details of her look. Get a behind-the-scenes-peek!
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Photo: Caitríona Balfe
Getting made up by the amazing Mary Wiles
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Photo: Caitríona Balfe
Nao Kawakami creating beautiful texture!
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Photo: Caitríona Balfe
The cutest panda embroidery on my beautiful Loewe shirt
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Photo: Caitríona Balfe
Ready to go!
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Photo: Caitríona Balfe
Coolest shoes in town!!
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Photo: Caitríona Balfe
My dear friend Babs and I excited for the show ahead!
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Photo: Stéphane Fugere
Seated at the show with Delphine Arnault
Town & Country BENNETT HILL • Temporary Fashion Assistant • Bennett is a fashion assistant at Town & Country.
Remember… Dear Diary, today Babs and I…
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woods-jordyn · 2 years ago
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good--merits-accumulated · 2 years ago
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(frantically fanning the dying embers of my motivation for the anderperry chocolat au) cmon cmon cmon cmon cmon man
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enfant-soley · 11 months ago
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love these buildings as much as dis city
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evilminji · 1 year ago
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"DO BETTER!" Says Now Televised Fanboy
He, Dash Baxter is a Phan-Stan!! It's kinda his thing. See, he's a fancy ass talk show host now. Married Paulie, moved out of Amity, actually DID something with his life. His parents? Did not approve. Long n short of it? He got kicked out.
Paulie's parents were PISSED.
Retaliated by giving him all the help he needed getting EVERY scholarship he qualified for. He went to a really nice college. Missed his girlfriend like mad. But she was off in Metropolis, terrifying weaker men. Conquering the fashion scene.
And SOMEHOW? Thanks to that long talk he had with Phantom (*incoherent fanboy gibbering noises* SO COOL!) he's worked to be... more of a LEADER, you know? Less of an asshole. Cause he's popular. People copy him. He can't be an asshole.
So, somehow, when he's punching out some try-hard that thinks he's hot shit for bullying a Nerd? He and the nerd get talking, right? Cause the guy got his glasses completely fucked up. And it's what Phantom would do.
But GET THIS? Guy's never HEARD of Phantom! Is super curious, cause he runs a small time Hero's show on the web. And, Dude? Is it your LUCKY DAY! Cause you just met THE number 1 fan of Phantom, hands down!! He makes his VERY spirited case, about why Phantom is THE best Hero to ever have lived. And this guy?
Entranced.
In AWE.
Just straight up BEGS him to join his show. Cause apparently? He was BORN for it. Which? Yeah. He HAS been giving speechs to the team for YEARS now. And Talking at fan meet ups. Leading fan meet ups. Hosting parties... actually, now that he thinks about it? He DOES do a lot of public speaking? Huh.
But still, he's about to say "no", when?
Dude mentions? He'll get to talk about Phantom.
SOLD!
It. Blows. Up. Absolutely EVERYONE is in love with his pretty face, hot bod, and STRONG opinions. But they ALSO have no idea who Phantom is! Paulie! This is CRIMINAL! Horrifying! What is going ON!?
Some bullshit information black out, apparently. At least according to her... friendly Nemesis? The Goth Dweeb. Who's engaged, apparently? So good for her. Unsurprisingly, it's too the OTHER Dweebs, but still. Bout time she started planning to drag them to a court house. She's the only one with any spine in that group! If she waited for THEM to propose?
Not even as Ghosts, man.
They'd get distracted by shiny nerd shit and whimp out.
Still... a world where NO ONE knows how Awesome, Phantom is? Not on HIS watch!
So he works it in. To every segment. It becomes "his thing". Oh? Super man saved a kitten from a tree? Cute. Well PHANTOM saved a bus full of Ghost Puppies from a shady, rouge, Goverment agency. Do BETTER, Superman!
The Flash, who is a cheap knock-off and stole his name, took down an Ice Villian? Adorable! PHANTOM stopped a Rouge WINTER SPIRIT with the help of YETI WARRIORS then assisted in giving FREE medical care for anyone who needed it! Here's a picture of him making GHOST ICE SNOWMEN for small children! Do BETTER, Knock-off!
What's THAT you say? Wonder Woman fought a GOD in down town paris?
Excellent work Wonder Woman. Flawless as always. But YOU, god-boy, are a disappointment! All that power! And WHAT do you use it for? Are you even supposed to BE here?? PHANTOM uses his power to HELP people! Is awesome and knows TONS of better gods! You're just salty you didn't make the cut!
DO BETTER!
And obviously? No one believes him. There's no record of this "Phantom" guy. The pictures look fantastical and vaguely glitchy/glowy. Not quite right. They GOTTA be photo shopped. Manipulated somehow. But? As a shtick? A fake "perfect Superhero" is kinda funny and unique.
And it's one hell of Fake Hero!
A Dead Champion? Who fights gods and monsters? Rouge agencies? Sassy and tragic? With a mysterious past? Pretty cool! There's even an Offical Comic from some guy that went to the same high-school as Baxter!
Of course, as Baxter get more and more popular? The "meme" hero, Phantom, get more well known? People get more interested in where Dash grew up. You know, just a bored Google. Maybe see if the hero was based off a local legend or something. But... huh...
The Town website?
Weirdly? Sanitized.
Like... like aggressively sanitized. All smooth edges and no details. Very "move along, citizen". Ha ha... it's part of the joke right? They get it! They'll just look up local restaurants or som-....
Wait...
Hey, guuuuys?
Are you finding ANYTHING?
And! Nothing. And I do mean NOTHING! Triggers the "oh? Secrets???" Instincts of a Hacker, like finding a hard blank wall of "KEEP OUT". Especially when it's somewhere it rightfully shouldn't BE.
All it would take? Is ONE person, of decent skills and an account on Certain Forums, getting bored enough to Google the Dude On The TV(TM)? For the GIW's lil walls to come crashing down. Because yeah, you can stop ONE hacker. Even two. Probably five or six.
But how about thousands?
Hundreds of thousands?
From every time zone. Competing. Just to see what you HAVE and don't want them to see. Maybe they do something with it, maybe they don't. But fuck it, you're being RUDE and now they're CURIOUS. And THEN? Oh. Oh holy shit.
Not a meme.
Very real.
Not a joke.
The walls come crumbling down, down, down. Ripped apart by hundreds of hands. Emails sent to every sort of agency. The JLU line inundated with emergency tips. Not a joke. Not A Joke. Holy Shit, IT WASN'T A JOKE!
Phantom is REAL!
And there, on TV, stands the Man. The signal FINALLY breaching containment. Fighting off the invading God of the week. Built like statue, hair like an aurora borealis of white fire held almost delicately in place by a CROWN of ice, a suit made of void and starlight. Inhuman. Beyond human.
Here to help.
A laugh that crackles like ice and the snap of winter, rolls through the air like coming storms, rich and somehow warm. A smile that bares teeth, yet turns so KIND when he looks upon humanity, as though we are precious and worth fighting for. A living star.
A... a once living star.
And in the center of it all? Wearing his BESPOKE, custome made, Number 1 Phan full body outfit? That's right. Dash Baxter. Ha! You fuckers doubted him! Behold his blorbo and WEEP, ya fuckin casuals! The BESTEST of boys! The FINEST of Heros! Superman? Could NEVER.
And now? The weather!
@babbling-babull @nerdpoe @the-witchhunter @ailithnight @hypewinter @hdgnj @mutable-manifestation
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hoe4hotchner · 5 days ago
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aaron x supermodel reader?? 👀👀
Mystery man | [A.H]
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Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x Supermodel!reader | WC: 1.9k | CW: Fluff, reader is wearing lingerie in a picture at one point
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The relentless flashes of cameras were nearly blinding as the black town car came to a halt in front of the venue. You took a moment to steady yourself, exhaling softly before stepping out into the chaos. The city was alive tonight, the buzz of Paris Fashion Week crackling in the evening air like electricity as journalists, media outlets, paparazzi's, and so on had gathered around the velvet ropes to the red carpet.
As you swung one long leg out of the car, the delicate fabric of your gown cascaded in shimmering ripples around you. The dress was a masterpiece—silk that seemed to flow like water, catching the thousand lights with every movement. Diamond earrings glinted against your skin, and your heels—custom-designed, of course—clicked against the cobblestones as you straightened to your full height.
The crowd outside erupted into a frenzy the moment they spotted you, shouting your name in a symphony of accents, the occasional “over here!” cutting through the noise. You didn’t flinch, didn’t falter; you were used to this. It was your stage, and you owned it.
But tonight wasn’t just about you.
You turned, holding out a hand, and watched as he stepped out of the car.
Aaron Hotchner.
Even in the middle of the whirlwind, he exuded a calm authority that made heads turn. The black suit he wore was impeccably tailored, the kind of understated elegance that spoke volumes without trying too hard. You had insisted on having the designer of your attire make something for him too—for the occasion you'd shrugged.
His dark eyes scanned the crowd, not with the excitement of someone dazzled by the spectacle, but with the sharp awareness of a man—an agent—who didn’t miss a thing.
For a moment, you wondered what he was thinking. If he felt out of place or if he was regretting saying yes to your impulsive invitation. But when his gaze shifted to you, the faintest trace of a smile curved his lips, and any doubt disappeared.
You reached for his hand, and when his fingers closed around yours, the crowd’s focus shifted instantly.
“Who is that?”
“Is that her date?”
“Oh my God, he’s hot!”
“Someone get a name!”
The whispers grew louder as the two of you began walking toward the beginning of the carpet. Hotch’s presence next to you was a contrast to your usual presence at these events. Normally you would've given the cameras a little pre-show, before heading inside to get dressed in the collection of the evening.
And where most people—even celebrities—might have preened for the cameras in the slowest way possible, he simply carried himself with confidence, his free hand brushing against the edge of his jacket.
When another wave of flashes erupted, he leaned in closer. “This is... different,” he murmured, his voice so low you could feel it more than hear it.
You glanced up at him, a soft laugh escaping your lips. “Different good or different bad?”
He gave you a look—half exasperated, half amused. “Let’s just say I’m starting to understand why you always come home exhausted after these things.”
Your laugh turned brighter, drawing even more attention from the photographers. “Welcome to my world, Agent Hotchner.”
The questions from the crowd grew more pointed. Someone yelled, “Are you two together?” while another voice called out, “Is this your boyfriend?”
Aaron’s grip on your hand tightened slightly, his thumb brushing over yours as if to steady you both. You could feel his discomfort at the attention, but he didn’t let it show outwardly.
As you approached the gilded double doors of the venue, you slowed, tilting your head toward him. “They’ll figure out who you are by tomorrow,” you said softly with a teasing tone.
He raised a brow. “Is that a warning?”
“More like a promise.” You smiled, squeezing his hand before leading him inside.
Once the heavy doors shut behind you, the noise from outside faded into a muffled hum. Aaron exhaled, his shoulders relaxing slightly as he looked around the space.
“Now that,” he said, meeting your gaze, “was intense.”
You couldn’t help but laugh, stepping closer to fix his tie, which had shifted slightly during the commotion. “And it’s only the beginning.”
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The sun had barely begun to stream through the blinds of Garcia’s apartment, casting a soft, golden hue across her kitchen. She hummed quietly to herself, a melody she’d picked up from the latest show she had managed to binge between cases, as she went about her morning ritual.
Her bright pink robe swished around her as she moved. Everything in her kitchen had just as much personality as her; from the gleaming chrome appliances to the rainbow of coffee pods stacked neatly by her machine.
She hit the button for her usual shot of espresso, the familiar whirring sound filling the room as she reached for her favorite mug—a ceramic cat face with ears that doubled as handles and then turned to her fridge to gather all the fixings.
Her TV, mounted in the corner of her living room and perpetually tuned to a morning show, prattled on in the background. It was her morning white noise, the kind of chatter she half-listened to while focusing on more important things, like perfecting her froth-to-espresso ratio.
“...Paris Fashion Week turned heads last night with more than just couture,” the announcer’s voice chimed, accompanied by upbeat music. “A surprise appearance by a supermodel and her mysterious companion has everyone talking this morning.”
Garcia paused mid-pour, her interest piqued. Her gaze flicked to the screen, where a paparazzi photo filled the frame.
She squinted.
The image showed a stunning figure draped in a flowing gown, her hand firmly clasped in a man’s. His face wasn’t entirely visible, but his strong profile and familiar suit cut made Garcia gasp.
“No. Freaking. Way,” she whispered, her coffee momentarily forgotten.
The announcer continued, the screen now displaying the bold headline:
Supermodel Spotted With Mystery Man at Paris Fashion Week!
The next photo zoomed in on the man’s face, his stoic expression unmistakable.
“Oh my God,” Garcia said louder, her hand flying to her mouth. “That’s Hotch!”
The caption beneath the image confirmed it, sending her brain into overdrive: Mystery Man Identified as Aaron Hotchner, FBI Unit Chief.
Her half-made latte was abandoned on the counter as she scrambled for her phone. “This is not happening. This is not happening,” she muttered, her fingers flying over the screen until she found the contact she needed.
The phone barely rang before Derek Morgan’s voice came through, groggy and unamused. “Garcia, it’s not even eight, Hotch is away there's no need to wake up this ear—”
“Did you see it?” she blurted, cutting him off.
“See what?”
“Our boss!” she shrieked, pacing the length of her kitchen. “Hotch! He was at Paris Fashion Week! Holding hands with a supermodel! It’s on every channel!”
There was a pause, followed by Morgan’s skeptical laugh. “You’ve gotta be kidding me. Hotch? Our Hotch?”
“Yes, our Hotch! The Aaron Hotchner! He’s on TV right now looking like James Bond at a runway show!”
Another pause, and then Morgan’s full-throated laugh rumbled through the line. “This I gotta see. Send me the link.”
Garcia was already snapping a picture of the TV screen, muttering under her breath. “I can’t believe this. He’s going to walk into work on Monday like nothing happened. Nothing happened!”
Morgan’s voice was rich with amusement. “Think he’ll bring her to the office?”
“Oh, don’t even joke,” Garcia groaned, dramatically flopping onto her couch. “This is going to be the topic of gossip for weeks. Months. Years! I need answers, Derek. Answers!”
Morgan’s chuckle softened. “Good luck getting any. You know how tight-lipped he is.”
Garcia sighed, already plotting her strategy. If anyone could get the inside scoop, it was her.
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The streets of Paris were alive with the afternoon bustle as busy Parisians were heading home after a day's work. The sunlight streamed through the wrought-iron balconies and cast warm patterns on the cobblestone streets as the sun started to set. You sat at a small café table nestled in the corner of a quiet terrace, the scent of freshly baked croissants and strong espresso mingling in the air. Across from you, Aaron was the picture of peace, a man who seemed utterly unbothered by the flurry of attention he’d unwittingly garnered in just one night.
On the small table between you sat a glossy gossip magazine, its cover adorned with a candid shot of the two of you from the night before. The headline practically screamed: Supermodel’s Mystery Man: Who Is He? FBI Unit Chief Turns Heads at Paris Fashion Week!
You couldn’t help but laugh, the sound light and bubbling as you traced a finger over the grainy image of Hotch, his sharp profile and protective grip on your hand immortalized in print. “They’ve already printed it,” you said, your tone a mix of amusement and disbelief.
Aaron leaned back in his chair, one leg crossed over the other. His phone buzzed incessantly on the table, the notifications relentless, but he didn’t so much as glance at it. Instead, his focus remained entirely on you, his lips curving into a faint smirk.
“They’re calling you a ‘mystery man,’” you teased, flipping the magazine open to the full-page spread inside. The photos captured every angle of the two of you from last night—the hand-holding, the shared smiles, the way he had leaned in to speak to you amidst the chaos of flashing cameras.
“And here’s my personal favorite,” you added, pointing to a particularly flattering shot of him looking utterly smitten as you had walked down the runway in a set of silver lingerie.
Hotch’s dark eyes flicked to the image before returning to yours. “I think I prefer to keep them guessing,” he said, his voice was warm, he knew that wouldn't be the case. He reached for his coffee, the faintest trace of amusement playing at the corners of his mouth.
“Hmm,” you mused, tilting your head as you studied him. “Not sure your team agrees.” You nodded toward his phone, which buzzed again with what had to be its twentieth alert in the last ten minutes.
He sighed, a sound more affectionate than exasperated, and finally picked up the device. “Garcia,” he muttered, his eyes narrowing slightly as he read a series of increasingly unbelieving messages. “And Morgan,” he added, his smirk deepening.
You rested your chin in your hand, grinning at him. “I told you they’d find out.”
Hotch set the phone back on the table without responding to the messages, his gaze softening as it met yours. “Let them talk,” he said simply, his voice carrying the conviction you adored. “Right now, I’m exactly where I want to be.”
Your chest warmed at his words, and you leaned forward, reaching across the table to take his hand. “Good,” you murmured, your thumb brushing over his knuckles. “Because I wouldn’t want you anywhere else.”
For a moment, the world seemed to shrink to just the two of you, the noise and chaos of the city fading into the background below.
“Though,” you added, breaking the moment with a mischievous smile and a wink, “I wouldn’t mind seeing you on next year’s cover of GQ. You know, for the sake of balance.”
Hotch chuckled, the sound so utterly endearing, as he shook his head. “Let’s not get too carried away.”
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kovilm · 9 months ago
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Rada Krivokapic Radonjic is a famous fashion designer and stylist whose signature style of classic, elegant yet luxurious ready-to-wear helped introduce ease and streamlined modernity to 21th-century dressing.
Early life
Rada Krivokapic Radonjic is originally from Kotor, Montenegro. Her parents are father Djuro Krivokapic and mother Vidosava Kaludjerovic. She also has an older brother named Radoslav Rajo Krivokapic. Her brother is a sailor, her mother a health care worker/nurse at Kotor General Hospital, and her father a factory worker.
Education
Talking about her educational background, she passed her Master's level in 2018. The program was funded by the German Government and was also designed according to the German education system. She had enrolled in Law, Professional, and Occupational Pedagogy, Trade, and Economy. She joined the School of Fashion and Specialization for Fashion Designer and Stylist. She graduated from this school of fashion from Belgrade in 1996, which was under the Paris system in collaboration with the Academy of Fine Arts. For her fashion school, she did an internship under Giorgio Armani Milan in 1997. Working for one of the world's most famous fashion creators, she got the opportunity to meet the best fashion creators to advance her knowledge base. Likewise, she completed her Ph.D. in Fashion Design in Belgrade in 1998.
Rada Krivokapic Radonjic, a visionary in the world of fashion, hails from the picturesque town of Kotor, Montenegro. Her creative journey has been nothing short of exceptional, combining classic designs with a deep commitment to sustainability. Born into a humble family, Rada’s passion for fashion stemmed from her early exposure to the industry through her work with esteemed designers like Giorgio Armani, Gianni Versace, Valentino Garavani, Karl Lagerfeld, and Roberto Cavalli.
Professional Life and Career
Talking about her professional life, she is famous as a designer and a stylist. She is the founder of Rada Krivokapic Radonjic, Kovilm and Rada Radonjic luxury clothing brands. They were established in the city of Kotor, Montenegro. In 2006, she designed the collection "Ostvarene Rijeci". The collection was inspired by her deceased father. Moreover, she collaborated with model Filip Kapisoda in 2010 and had a number of fashion shows in 2018. Furthermore, she also organized several fashion shows in the city of Yugoslavia. She also work as Costume Designer in Kotor. Moreover, Rada also designed a new fashion accessory called "Kovilm". She designed it for the 2019 fashion show called "Svijet Bez Sukoba". Kovilm is a garment worn around the neck, which symbolizes the transformation from tie and bow-tie. Additionally, Rada has also written the books 'Odijevanje' that translates to "Dressing" and 'Krojenje i sivenje' that translates to "Tailoring and sewing". Her books are related to the issues in the fashion and clothing world, which is influential for aspiring models, designers, and stylists. She is mostly based in her hometown Kotor. However, she also has her professional links in Podgorica, the capital of Montenegro. She designed common folk costume called Zentivns 2022.
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Awards, Net Worth
Rada Krivokapic Radonjic has won several awards for her humanitarian contributions and assistance. She has also received Humanitarian Contribution Awards. In 2023, Rada Krivokapic Radonjic is The World's Best Fashion Designer of The Year 2023 London, United Kingdom by Corporate LiveWire.
Personal Life
Reflecting on her personal life, Rada Krivokapic Radonjic gave birth to four children Nedjeljka Nadja Radonjic (1999), Valentina Radonjic (2001), Nebojsa Radonjic (2007) and Teodora Radonjic (2013). Furthermore, she maintains a good professional and personal life, free of scandals and controversies.
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gurlypop · 3 months ago
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ckret2 · 7 days ago
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Chapter 82 of you can really tell the writer got a new art program this week and went apeshit with it instead of doing anything productive: the Mystery Shack is in terrible peril from the government and only one thing can save them:
Teaching Bill Cipher how to flirt with humans!!
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The Stans explained the plan to Dipper and Mabel as briefly as possible—that Bill had to save them all by flirting with the head fed—and that was about as far as they got before Mabel started squealing. They wished her good luck with Bill, wished him good luck with Mabel, and beat a hasty retreat, with Dipper tagging along after Ford on the pretense of helping figure out how to get the flash drive out of Gompers.
"This is perfect!" Mabel slammed the door closed—and Bill had the sneaking suspicion she'd trapped him on purpose—then grabbed both his hands to drag him further into the room. "I can see it now! He'll fall in love with you, and then he'll realize that living in a small logging town is so much more emotionally fulfilling than his high-pressure fast-paced big city government job, and he'll see what a special, magical place Gravity Falls is and he won't wanna do anything that could change it, and Washington will call him like, 'Your report is late! Have you forgotten your mission?' And he'll go 'I have a new mission now: my WIFE!' And—"
"Hold on!" Bill pulled his hands back. "I think you skipped the part where you married me off to a government agent."
"No I didn't! Because he says that and everyone gasps and then he gets down on his knee in front of you and pulls out a ring and—"
"In your dreams, star girl." He dropped onto Mabel's bed and crossed his legs. "Think a little less cheesy Christmas romcom, and more noir spy movie with a double-crossing femme fatale."
Mabel measured that up against her limited spy movie knowledge, and asked dubiously, "You're gonna drop him in a tank of sharks?"
"Hey, if you have one...!" Bill laughed. "But, no. The plan is just for me to keep him distracted long enough for the nerd squad to get the flash drive, wipe any sensitive data, and leave it somewhere that'll make the agents think the goat dumped it naturally."
Mabel considered that. She inhaled deeply. "Okay," she said. "But. What if it's one of those movies where the evil girl spy has a change of heart because of the good guy's charm and you do fall in love."
"Do you remember who we're talking about?" Bill asked. "Fine! If we fall in love, you can be the ring bearer, best maid, and officiant—but don't start stapling together a white dress just yet."
Mabel completely skipped past his main point. She whispered, "You'd let me make your wedding dress?"
"I'd turn down every fashion designer in Milan, Paris, New York, and London combined."
Her eyes widened. "I've gotta start drawing wedding dresses." She rummaged around the floor for an unused piece of paper and the nearest crayon and/or marker box.
"Draw me as a triangle," Bill said automatically. "So there, you're caught up on the plan!" He slowly slid off Mabel's bed toward the door. "So if you'd let me out so I can prepare..."
"Ohh no. Grunkle Stan and Grunkle Ford brought you to me to learn how to flirt, and I'm going to teach you how to flirt."
He groaned, but plopped back down on Mabel's bed. "I don't need to be taught how to flirt! I'm a pro! While your universe was still gearing up for a Big Bang, I was fending off marriage proposals from lovelorn generation ships and sentient oceans."
"You're not seducing ships and oceans." Mabel had already flopped onto the floor and drawn a triangle with an eye, and was trying to figure out how to put a dress on it. "You're seducing a man."
"Which is even easier! You people barely last a century, you're desperate! Humans fling themselves at me left and right!"
"Then you'll have no trouble passing my love quiz."
Bill automatically frowned. There was a part of him that still tensed up at the word "quiz" even if he did know more about romance than the entire human race combined. "What, like the one you put the guys through on your dating show?"
"Yes, but with all new questions! So you can't just copy all of Soos's answers to get a perfect score!"
"Psh! Like I need to copy anyone's answers," said Bill, who had never taken a quiz in his life without copying someone else's answers and had been planning to do just that. "All right, hit me."
"Question one! Uh..." She tapped a crayon to her chin as she thought. "What's the best gift to give on a first date? Jewelry, chocolate, a wedding ring, or flowers?"
"Ooh, we're starting with bribery, huh?" When in doubt, the right answer was usually C; but "jewelry" and "wedding ring" seemed kinda redundant. Well—cheating had never failed him before, why stop now? "None of the above! I've got a better answer than all of them!"
Mabel lowered her crayon to give him a skeptical look. "Oh yeah? What?"
"Sneak into their dreams the night before, find out their heart's desire, and surprise 'em with that," Bill said. "That's not even a romantic move. It'll let you win over a human in any context! Birthday parties, baby showers, job interviews, criminal trials, hostage negotiations..."
"What if you don't know their heart's desire?"
"Then you're not me."
She set down her crayon, laced her hands under her chin, and said, "Okay, then. If you were trying to win me over, what's my dream birthday gift?"
"Replacing your bedroom with a bouncy castle with inflatable furniture."
"Ha! No it's n..." She trailed off. "Wait. Ohmigosh."
"Told ya."
"I've been dreaming too small," Mabel whispered. She shoved aside her first drawing and started drawing her fantasy bedroom.
Bill picked up one of Mabel's dolls—a floppy tiger—and started talking to it like he was lecturing it. Forget this whole "taking a quiz" thing; he was much more comfortable in the roll of the teacher than the student. "And if it's a blind date and I can't stalk 'em beforehand, nobody's ever disappointed by a solid gold brick," he told the doll.  "It's both practical and pretty, and it appeals to humans' natural greed without making them feel sleazy about accepting a wad of hundreds from their date."
"What's Agent Powers's heart's desire?"
Heck. He didn't actually know. He'd ducked in on the guy's life a handful of times, but he'd never needed to pay that close attention to him. What did boring people like? "A really nice leather wallet," Bill said.
"Okay, you're off to a strong start," Mabel said. "Question two: what's the ideal location for a first date?"
"What are my options?"
"Fooey to the options! I wanna hear your thoughts."
"Then that's easy: anywhere they can't escape from until they love you," Bill said. "Even better if you can serenade 'em."
Mabel nodded in approval. "Perfect answer, full points! Every Inkwell princess movie and vampire novel on the market agrees! Question three: best first date outfit?"
"Sexy."
"Okay—yeah," Mabel said, "But specifically, what does that look like?"
"Tallest hat you can find," Bill said.
Mabel waited. Bill didn't say anything else. Mabel said, "What about the rest of the outfit?"
"Bow tie. Outfit complete."
"That's just what you wear."
"And it's always sexy!" Bill insisted.
"Maybe in Flatworld, but this is earth! If you go out dressed in nothing but a hat and a bow tie, you'll be having your date in the back of a police car!"
"Fine," Bill huffed. "Fifty pairs of gloves—and the more of them you have hands to fill, the better! A dress made out of blank checks! Two snakes! A fur coat made out of live kittens!" Bill shook the stuffed doll emphatically with each point. "Good enough?!"
Mabel squinted thoughtfully at him. "The kitten coat has potential."
"Damn me with faint praise, why don't you."
"What about more traditional romantic outfits? Like... a red velvet suit with a leopard print shirt? Or short shorts that say 'too hot' on the butt?" Mabel asked. "Or a t-shirt with your date's face on it in a heart! That shows your date 'I'm here to focus on you!'"
"What if my date's face is ugly, did you think about that?" Bill asked, mainly to cover up the fact that he was chagrined he hadn't thought of the velvet suit himself. "Forget about fashion. Next question!"
"Okay, how would you prepare yourself for the perfect date? Aside from finding a tall hat and stalking your date's dreams."
"Hygiene's the most important thing," Bill said. "Humans are very attuned to pheromones. It's one of your base instincts."
A look of relief cross Mabel's face. "Yes! Good start. So we're talking a shower, or...?"
"Oh yeah, if you're going on a date in this country, you've gotta scrub that skin raw. There is no smell Americans hate more than the natural smell of other human beings." 
Mabel nodded enthusiastically. "Right!"
"And once you've gotten rid of your real scent you've got to make sure you smell appealing. And that means making sure you smell the most! Cover up any competing suitors' scents with your own!"
Mabel made an uncertain hum. "Okaaay, sooo... what would you call an appropriate fragrance for a first date?"
He wasn't sure he liked the sound of the hum. "First date? You've got to make a strong impression, and set the mood for romance," he told the doll, so he didn't have to watch Mabel pass judgment. "So, I'm thinking... decaying salmon, deer pee, and ambergris."
Mabel was silent for an uncomfortably long time. Bill glanced at her. She immediately pulled her sweater up to hide her mouth. Voice strained with suppressed laughter, she said, "You don't think, maybe... floral scents...?"
Who did she think she was laughing at! He directed his attention back to Mabel's doll. The tiger didn't judge him. The tiger thought all his ideas were brilliant. "Is this guy looking for a garden or a girlfriend? I know ninety percent of the soaps and shampoos on the market are designed to make you smell like a fruit salad on the beach, but you humans don't know the first thing about what activates your own monkey-brained reproductive urges! Trust me: decaying salmon, deer pee, and ambergris! They reek of raw sex appeal!"
"What's ambergris?"
"It's a staple fragrance in the perfume industry! Some of the most popular scents in Hollywood have ambergris base notes!"
"Okay," Mabel said, "but what is it?"
"Okay so," Bill said, "when a sperm whale gets so constipated it kills 'em, the rest of its body rots off while the turd floats to the surface, and after it's bobbed around baking in the sun for a few decades—"
Mabel lay a hand on Bill's knee and gently said, "No." 
"Hey, I'm not the one who invented ambergris, that's your species's idea!"
"Bill, I'm sorry. But you've got the best and worst romance ideas with no in between, and you don't know the difference," Mabel said. "But I promise you're in good hands! I'm the best matchmaker in Gravity Falls! I helped hook up Soos and Melody, Robbie and Tambry, Waddles and Gompers, the Hand Witch and that hunky hiker guy..."
He threw Mabel's doll down on the bed, slumped back against the wall, crossed his arms, and sulked. Then he muttered, "But I've got the best ideas?"
"Oh yeah. You're like an untrained romance prodigy! You just need a liiittle help filtering out the diamonds from the coal."
He grunted. Then he grudgingly admitted, "Getting Waddles and Gompers together is pretty impressive. They have complete opposite political opinions."
"See? I'll have you date ready in no time!"
Bill heaved a frustrated sigh. "Fine. But I'd better at least get a killer makeover out of this."
"Definitely! I'm getting an expert on the case!" She pulled out her phone to send a text. Plus, whatever you're wearing tomorrow? I'm bedazzling the crap out of it."
"Good!"
"But first," Mabel said, "Let's talk about your technique."
####
"Lesson one of Mabel's Guide to Flirting With Humans: pick-up lines! First impressions are super important!"
"Pick-up lines are easy," Bill said. "I know a million of them!"
"That's great! Then this should be easy." Mabel pointed at the picture of Creggy G in the middle of her Sev'ral Timez poster, whom she'd designated as their attractive human for Bill's flirting practice. "Try one out." 
Bill sized up Creggy calculatingly, and said, "You know, your eyeballs are so beautiful."
"Yes!" Mabel cheered. "It's romantic! I love it!"
"—and they'd look even better in my mouth."
Mabel stared at Bill.
"What?" Bill asked. "Too forward? Should I save that for the second date?"
The flirting lesson quickly switched track from teaching Bill how to use a pick-up lines, to teaching Bill what pick-up lines not to use.
And from there, the conversation drifted to a list of subjects Bill wasn't allowed to discuss with the federal agent, which necessitated relocating to the living room so Mabel could set up an easel pad and record all the banned topics. Partway through, Stan drifted in and started throwing in his two cents.
The list of banned flirtation topics included: eyeballs; cannibalism; squid kings; dragonfly mating habits; mandibles; the time and method of living people's future deaths; the cold and lonely heat death of the universe ("Why?! It's a perfect excuse to suggest cuddling for warmth!"); fun get-to-know-you questions like "would you rather kill your mother or your father" or "which conspiracy theories would you most hate to be true"; which conspiracy theories were true; the agent's embarrassing middle school secrets that Bill shouldn't have known about but did; the agent's bald spot; cancer flavors; pending global disasters...
Bill flung his hands in the air. "So what does that leave to talk about?!"
"Anything else," Stan snapped.
"The Chuquicamata open pit copper mine."
"Anything normal."
Bill gave him a look akin to that of a vegetarian who'd just been asked to discuss his favorite cuts of beef. "Have you metme?"
"Try topics that get him in the right mindset for romance," Mabel said. "Like, 'what do you want your future wife's favorite color to be?' Or 'you look like dad material!'"
Bill nodded slowly. "So we're aggressively leading him on. I can work with that. I've never been a fan of subtlety."
"And call him charming," Stan said. "Guys love hearing they're charming. Oh, and tell him his jokes are funny."
"What if he doesn't tell jokes."
"All guys tell jokes when they're flirting! If he's not telling jokes, you're doing something wrong."
"It's true," Mabel said. "Watch any high school romance!" Bill gave them both a dubious look.
Stan glanced up as Ford and Dipper walked by the doorway with Gompers. "Tell 'im, Ford."
"What?"
"All men tell jokes when we're flirting! It's probably in our DNA or something."
Dipper thought about that, and nodded. "I tell jokes when I'm flirting."
Mabel shouted, "You try to tell jokes when you're flirting! Heyooo!"
"Hey."
Ford grimaced. "Usually when I'm flirting, I forget every joke I've ever heard and start asking as many questions as I can think of."
Bill said, "That's because you only flirt with things you want to add to your bestiary!"
"The point still stands." 
Dipper had leaned into the room to read the banned topic list. "Why are conspiracy theories off-limits? He came to Gravity Falls in the first place because he was looking for a paranormal conspiracy."
"Dipper's right," Ford said, "he'd probably be interested in the topic."
Bill flung his hands in the air. "Thank you! That's what I was saying!"
Stan shook his head, "Too close to discussing politics. What if they believe in different conspiracies!"
"Plus, watch this," Mabel said. "Hey Bill, what do you think about Flat Earth theory."
Bill groaned. "I was drunk, those statements were taken out of context, and I can't be held responsible if some idiot with a boat misinterpreted me."
Mabel looked at Ford and Dipper.
Dipper grimaced. "Got it."
Ford nodded. "Conspiracy theories are off-limits."
"This is why you're all single," Bill said.
####
Stan said, "And if you're gonna lie about your job—"
"Which you always should," Bill cut in.
"Obviously! But make sure it's not something too easy to verify. Like, you can't claim to be the governor, what if your date actually voted and knows who the governor is?"
"That's a good point! Margaret was not impressed."
"You're telling me! My suit smelled like broccoli cheese soup for weeks!"
"You shoulda suggested she get the house salad."
"Yeah, I—" Stan cut off. "Wait. How do you know about Margaret? That was twenty years ago!"
Dipper and Ford were in the kitchen, looking for every ingredient they could find that might coax Gompers to release the flash drive the old-fashioned way and listening to the discussion in the living room. Gompers nibbled at a dish towel, oblivious to the fate awaiting him.
Mabel trotted in and patted him as she passed. "Hey, you! You're giving us major trouble, you rascal!"
He bleated at her.
Mabel pushed up to the open fridge next to Dipper, and when he stepped aside to make more room for her, she stepped into his personal space again and leaned into him with her shoulder. "Why are you in the way, bro, jeez!"
"You're in the way!" He leaned against her in turn. "What are you doing in here? Aren't you supposed to be training Bill?"
"Grunkle Stan's taking the lead right now," Mabel said. "My talent is helping people find true love! But his talent is suckering someone into liking you for a day. So I think he's better suited to the task at hand."
"Oh, yeah." Dipper chuckled wryly. "His advice will get you a first date, but not a second date."
Ford muttered, "His technique hasn't changed since high school, I see."
Dipper found the bottle of prune juice he'd been looking for, pulled it out, and stepped back. Mabel yelped when her counterweight disappeared and stumbled sideways into the fridge door.
As Dipper emptied the juice into a mixing bowl, he said, "I'm not sure about this plan. Even with both you and Stan helping. I know Bill's good at tricking people, but... he's so annoying. And not in a lovable way."
"Don't undersell him!" Mabel said. She'd retrieved a pitcher of Mabel Juice and was dumping a full bottle of sprinkles into it—hardcore romance training required high stamina. "He has the potential to be a dreamboat!"
Ford muttered, "He's a manipulative, murderous monster." He was searching through all the cans they'd moved to the kitchen counter for beans.
"Those don't have to be mutually exclusive," Mabel insisted. "Serial killers get girlfriends. Sometimes after they're arrested!"
"I'mmm not seeing a dreamboat," Dipper said. "More like a shipwreck. I mean, when you were trying to come up with a list of romantic date foods, he suggested blood licked off your date's teeth."
"And he was right!" Mabel said. "Vampires, bro-bro!"
"Okay, but I don't think he was talking about teeth that were still attached to his date's skull!"
"He didn't say they weren't attached," said Mabel, with flagging conviction that suggested she hadn't considered that and was realizing Dipper was probably right.
"And five minutes ago you and Stan told him he should pretend to be a princess, and he told you he'd be great at that because he started an Internet dating service that matches up lonely widows with overseas con artists pretending to be deposed princes."
"Well," Mabel said sheepishly.
"And then he tried to talk you two into investing in a pyramid scheme to fund his dating service."
"But we didn't invest!" Mabel said.
"Only because you looked it up on your phone and discovered he'd made it up!"
"I mean, until then, it sounded romantic!" Mabel flung her hands out in a wide shrug. (Something about the gesture looked strange to Ford.) "Finding a second chance at love with a mysterious foreign criminal with a glamorous false identity? That'd be great if it was real!"
"Mabel, it's a scam," Dipper said exasperatedly.
"And do scam artists not deserve love, too?!" Mabel pounded a fist on the table emphatically. "What about Grunkle Stan! He deserves love! A rich overseas widow would be perfect for him!"
"That's not— The point is, Bill's not romantic!" Dipper said. "This plan isn't going to work!"
Ford set half a dozen bean cans next to Dipper's mixing bowl. "He doesn't need to be romantic," he said. "He only needs to be charismatic. And for all his flaws, he's certainly that." Planets will orbit stars and black holes just the same—and not even realize the difference. "He doesn't have to actually win Agent Powers's heart. He only has to keep his attention for a few hours. By the time Bill stops dazzling Powers long enough for him to see the red flags, we'll have the flash drive." He nodded toward Gompers. "If we get it before the agents return with a warrant, we might not even need Bill to distract him."
Dipper sighed. "Then let's hope Gompers likes prunes."
"Come on! Show a little faith!" Mabel said.
Ford muttered, "The last time I put my faith in Bill..." Dipper gestured emphatically at Ford in agreement.
"Not in Bill! In me! Mark my words, Grunkle Ford—I'll get this Cinderella ready to meet his Prince Charming if I have to summon every mouse in Gravity Falls to help sew his ballgown!"
"Please don't summon the wildlife again," Dipper groaned. "The last time you did that, huge spiders kept appearing in our room for a week."
Mabel's pocket vibrated; she pulled out her phone and gasped. She chugged down the rest of her juice in three sickly sweet gulps and bolted from the room. "Biiill! Your personal style consultant texted back!"
"My who?"
She dragged him out of the living room by the wrist. "Come on!"
Ford watched them run up the stairs, then started searching through their cereal boxes for the high fiber one. Tentatively, he asked, "Mabel doesn't actually think we're trying to get Bill and the agent together, does she?" The Prince Charming comment was concerning.
"I don't know," Dipper sighed. "A few days ago she started talking about trying to get Bill a love life? Maybe she sees this as a practice round."
"Really? Why, did he say he wants to date people?" If he wanted to get out of the shack to emotionally prey on the locals one-on-one without supervision...
"I don't think she's even told him yet. It's part of her project to... reintegrate him into society? She probably thinks the power of love can rehabilitate him." Dipper sighed. "She's setting herself up for disappointment. He's been conning people into thinking he's a good guy for billions of years, right? If being loved could fix him, he'd be an angel by now."
"Instead, he's just gotten better at pretending to be an angel," Ford said ruefully. "I'm inclined to agree with you." He found the cereal he'd been looking for and set it on the table by Dipper. "But then... we let him live, didn't we? Because we all hope we're wrong. I suppose that doesn't make us that different from Mabel."
Dipper shook his head emphatically. "Not me." He dumped one of the cans of beans into the prune juice a little harder than necessary. "I let him live for two reasons: because of Mabel, and because of that prophecy. And he doesn't have to change to fulfill some prophecy to save us—when it comes, he might just be trying to save his own stupid butt, too."
"I suppose so." Right—of course, even if he'd agreed to spare Bill, Dipper still didn't have any real hope for him beyond his usefulness.
Over the past month, Ford hadn't seen anything more sympathetic out of Bill than Dipper had. He wondered at himself for even being willing to consider Bill might change. When had Ford changed enough to consider it? Or was he just more susceptible to Bill's same old tricks?
"You don't remember the whole prophecy yet, do you?" Ford asked. "What if this is what it was about? Saving our family from the government because he's the only person the lead agent finds attractive enough to distract him?"
Dipper pulled a face. "I hope not," he said. "After everything he put us through? He owes us a fight to the death with an interdimensional eldritch god."
"Now that's a sight I'd pay to see."
####
MABEL: Heyyy Paz, can I ask for a small favor. I have a friend that needs a MAJOR MAKEOVER!! 😿 Like the FULL PRINCESS TRANSFORMATION treatment!! Can you help him?
PACIFICA: Can't, I'm suuuper busy today. I have the lunch shift AND grooming day at the ranch.
PACIFICA: Plus, why would I help some total rando? 😒
MABEL: Because it's my friend with the beautiful golden hair.
PACIFICA: asldkfggh
PACIFICA: OK fine come by the ranch after work
PACIFICA: and send me a picture of his skin next to a white paper so I can grab some foundations to try out.
####
Bill took a piece of paper and a marker, wrote "Make me beautiful!" and dotted the I and the exclamation point with hearts, flopped the least sunburned part of his arm next to the paper for Mabel to take a picture, and leaned away to keep his face out of it.
As Mabel snapped a couple pictures, she said, "Okay, before we visit Pacifica, I have to warn you. She can be a liiittle bit mean when it comes to fashion. So don't get mad at her, okay? It's how she shows she cares!"
"No it's not," Bill said.
"No, it's not," Mabel conceded. "But it doesn't mean she doesn't care. That's just... how she relates to other people! By insulting their fashion, style, and body. And family. And finances."
"Don't worry, star girl. I can take it."
"But I mean, she might be really, really, super mean about your looks," Mabel said. "And you cannot curse her or threaten to turn her bones into flutes or do anything Bill-ish like that. Promise me."
"Hey, bone flutes! That sounds like a fun arts and crafts project, right?"
"Bill!"
"Re-lax, it'll be fine," Bill said. "She's just your garden-variety pageant girl with an overly-critical mom who tried to relive her glory years through her daughter! I can handle a teenage ex-beauty queen. I'm an expert on those types."
Skeptically, Mabel said, "Really?" She was slowly coming to realize that, in Bill's opinion, he was the expert on everything.
"Oh yeah. I spent years eyelid deep in the pageant scene."
"You did?" she said, surprised. "How come? Did you try to trick a beauty pageant into building your portal or something like that?"
Bill stared at Mabel.
####
Outside the flat hospital, it was a beautiful, peaceful morning. The air was clear, the unseen sun was shining brightly from some unknown dimension, and some 2D equivalent to a bird was chirping in some 2D equivalent to a tree.
And then the hospital doors crashed open with such force that passing shapes momentarily suspected that someone had set off a bomb.
"—don't give me that look, if you'd hustled your hypotenuse and had your birthday yesterday, we wouldn't be in such a rush! You're just lucky you came out so cute, or—" An exhausted, dull pinkish triangle charged out the doors with a very tiny, squishy yellow triangle in her trembling arm. She turned to shout behind her—"Hurry up! There's only two hours until the Best Baby Pageant and he is not going to miss it!"
—and was followed closely by a horrified blue triangle carrying a hat in one hand and a cane in the other. "But Scalene, the doctors still have to do those tests to check for—"
"They can test him later! If he's got some horrible birth defect, he'll still have it after he's won a trophy!" Without slowing, Scalene turned and held the baby out toward the other triangle. The squishy new shape gawked at him in mild befuddlement. "Look at this kid, Euclid! Most newborn brats look like cranky raisins, but he's less than an hour old and he's already bright-eyed and smooth-sided! He was born with the face of a pageant winner—"
Not looking where she was going, she ran into a tree. The bird flew off in a panic, Scalene lost her balance, and she nearly dropped the baby. Euclid caught him, caught her, and held her steady while she leaned dizzily against the tree. "Lene. You should be on bedrest right now. Maybe we should just, you know, take a moment to process..."
"Process what! We have our little angle. Am I supposed to sit in a hospital bed staring at the afterbirth?!"
While Euclid stared at her in shock, she snatched the child back, pushed him away, and wobbled back upright. "What kind of a lazy mother would I be if I was sleeping instead of making my child a winner! You want him to start off life on the right foot, don't you?"
Defeated, Euclid said, "All right. I'll take care of the... the paperwork. At least bring your cane."
"I don't need it. I'm fine."
"Fine?! You just..." He gestured at her, gestured at the brand-spanking-new baby, gestured at her again, then flung his hands up in defeat. "If you drop our baby, I'm divorcing you."
She sighed huffily. "You're so dramatic." But she snatched the cane out of his hand anyway and stormed away, declaring loudly enough that shapes on the other side of the street turned to stare: "If the mayor doesn't declare my Billy the greatest baby in the whole godforsaken world, I'm grabbing the biggest trophy in the room and bashing his eye in!"
####
Bill shrugged at Mabel. "Sure," he said. "Something like that."
####
Gompers stared down at the bowl set on the floor in front of him.
It contained black beans, broccoli, coffee grounds, fiber-enriched whole-grain cereal, oatmeal, and an avocado and half a sweet potato mashed together into an orange-green mush, all stewing in a prune juice soup.
Gompers looked up.
Dipper and Ford were crouched across from him, watching expectantly. 
Gompers bleated balefully at them.
"Go on!" Ford nudged the bowl closer. "It's good for you."
Gompers knew a lie when he heard one. He turned his nose up at the mix.
"I don't get it," Dipper said. "He eats everything. What's wrong with this stuff?"
"I haven't a clue."
"Maybe it's the broccoli?" 
Ford gave him a quizzical look. "Why broccoli?"
Dipper shrugged. "I don't like broccoli, I don't know why he would."
"Hmm." Mystified, Ford propped his chin in his hand and stared into Gompers's eyes. Gompers stared back. Gompers stared into his soul. Gompers didn't blink.
Ford was dragged from this session of nonconsensual soul-searching by the sound of footsteps and Mabel's voice drifting down the stairs: "Listen, you know I love your sense of fashion! All I'm saying is everyone loves kittens, but snakes? That's a pretty niche fashion market! You're not gonna get a lot of takers."
"No, hey, hear me out," Bill said. "I listened to your professional matchmaker advice, now you've got to listen to my professional heartbreaker advice. You'll thank me for this one day! This is my number one romance tip: if you wanna impress a date, strap cobras to your arms and call yourself 'Johnny Cobra-Arms.' It works every time. Guaranteed."
(Dipper snorted.)
"Whaaat? No way," Mabel said. "Seriously, what?"
"It's true! I workshopped this! I've experimented across parallel timelines! It works."
"Quit messing with me, Bill."
"You think I would ever mislead you? No. Picture this." As the pair turned the corner on the stairs, Bill was spreading his hands in front of himself as though gesturing to the scene he wanted Mabel to imagine. "You see a guy, maybe a year older than you, kinda cute but nothing to write home about, maybe a 6/10. Got him in your mind's eye?"
A look of intense concentration crossed Mabel's face as she engaged her Imagination. "Yeah?"
"Okay, now imagine he—" Bill reached the bottom of the stairs and looked around. "Where are my shoes." He raised his voice, "Who moved my fisshoes! I left them right— oh, there they are." He disappeared into the living room. "Imagine your 6/10 has two big snakes wrapped around his arms. And he catches your eye from across the club, comes up to you, and says..." Bill's voice dropped to a pitch that was nearly in the range of an average adult human male, "'Hey. Name's Johnny Cobra-Arms. What's yours?'"
Mabel thought about it. Her eyes slowly widened in amazement. "Oh my god, it would totally work on me."
Bill re-emerged into the entryway, fish shoes donned. "See?" 
"It made him hot! What the heck, how did that happen!"
"See?! It works every time!" He shouted toward the kitchen, "Hey, we're leaving for Alpaca's! I'm taking the car!"
"No you're not," Ford said.
Bill spread his hands in a shrug. "Worth a shot!" He grabbed his umbrella and the magic friendship bracelets from the coat rack and waited for Mabel to open the door. "See, it's the best possible first impression. It shows he's got a sense of humor, he's quirky, he's a little bit dangerous, he's got a great sense of fashion, he's a world traveler, he's good with animals..." The door swung shut behind them. 
The way Bill had shrugged stuck in Ford's mind. 
In his true form, Bill didn't have shoulders. His arms extended out of his sides like the trunks of saplings extending from the surface of flood waters, and they glided around his perimeter in a way that defied conventional physical biology. No joints. 
When he shrugged in his human body, sometimes he'd bob his shoulders up and down in a deliberate mimicry of how humans performed the gesture; and lately, as Bill got used to moving his new body, Ford had seen him sluggishly raise a shoulder when he was too exhausted to gesture more expressively. But most of the time, he shrugged like he still didn't have shoulders. He'd spread his arms, bend his elbows, usually forming a W shape but sometimes when he was particularly emphatic forming a shape like football goalposts, and if he really wanted to make his meaning clear he'd twitch his upturned palms up the way a human would twitch their shoulders.
He did it all the time. He'd done it just now. The gesture was so natural on Bill that Ford had never realized how unnaturalit was on a human—until he'd seen Mabel make the exact same gesture earlier.
She was copying Bill's body language. He wondered if she knew.
He'd have to keep an eye on that.
"Hope Agent Powers is into snakes," Dipper muttered.
Ford laughed—then wondered whether someone pulling the Johnny Cobra-Arms trick would've worked on him. If by now nothing had made him take an interest in a basic, garden-variety human being, he doubted anything could... but, admittedly, he'd at least consider hanging out with Johnny. He sounded like an intriguing character. "If that's the worst thing Bill subjects him to, he'll be getting off light."
With a twinge of guilt, Ford realized just how true that was. Ford was no stranger to having to turn down the volume on his conscience for the greater good—and there were few greater goods than protecting his family—but...
He might not know Powers, but he did know that, whether Bill succeeded in seducing him or not, the man didn't deserve what he was about to be subjected to.
####
(Now that this chapter's finally out, may there be no further delays for a good long while, ugh.
Here's your "what was changed in the wake of TBOB" update: obviously, since we got five whole pages on Bill's beliefs about romance, a lot of that got incorporated into this chapter—the first and last scenes were basically written entirely in response to TBOB.
The scene with Scalene & Euclid, obviously, got their names & descriptions from TBOB & TINAWDC (and yeah, yeah, i'm eventually gonna go back to earlier chapters and edit out Bill's mom being a line so it matches up with canon), and it's obvious what the "best baby pageant" is a reference to (so you can guess whether Bill won)—but Bill being a pageant kid due to his mom was already part of the plans long before TBOB, so I just stuck a couple canon details into the story I was already writing. We were already gonna get into Bill's childhood this chapter & next (as you'll see next week).
Beyond that, most of the chapter was already in its present form before TBOB—up to & including Bill having a list of topics he thinks are acceptable for dates that no rational human would agree with—and all TBOB added was a couple tiny details (like... "mandibles".)
The fact that the list of things that were influenced by TBOB is so much longer than usual is part of the reason this chapter's two whole weeks late lmao.
Anyway, hope y'all enjoyed, happy new year, and I'm looking forward to (finally) hearing your thoughts on the first fresh chapter of 2025!
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dumpywrites · 1 month ago
Text
Nomenclature - Kim Taehyung / V
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Prompt: “Tell me your name.” “No.”
Prompt request: HERE
Genre/tags: Fluff, strangers to lovers, simp! Taehyung, christmas cliche, some mentions of Yeontan passing (RIP Yeontan 🪽)
Pairing: Taehyung x she/her reader
a/n: I was again inspired by their song, winter ahead's music video is just truly beautiful :') Happy holidays everyone!
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“Tell me your name.”
“No.”
“But, why???”
You rolled your eyes, simply walked past the guy who had been pestering you for weeks now. 
Allegedly, his name was Kim Taehyung. Ever since he moved to the town and bumped into you that one time at an art exhibition, this was all he ever did. You found out he was a sculptor, and that a few of his pieces were in fact shown that time. No one was supposed to know about this information because he was using an alias called “Vante”, but your friend Namjoon who was the art curator was a bit nosey. That was also probably how this Taehyung guy found out about your workplace. 
To be quite honest, you didn’t know why someone like him would want to move in a small town. He had looks, money, and supposedly fame too. He looked more like a Los Angeles or Paris kind of person. With those wavy black hair, perfect sculpted by the gods face, you would assume he was a model. But instead here he was, disturbing your cleanup duty. 
“Namjoon said that you’re the same age as me.” 
“Namjoon needs to shut the fuck up sometimes.”
“Wow, easy.” He chuckled, slumping down on the table. “I never ask him for your name though. I want to achieve it myself!” 
You looked around your donut shop and sighed. You still needed to clean the tables and it was already half an hour past closing time. 
“I’ll help.” He stood up with a boxy grin, pointing his finger up. 
“You can help me by going home.” You rolled your eyes. 
“Come on… I have no friends here.” He whined. 
“Namjoon is your friend, no?”
“He’s barely in town.” 
“I’m sure you can make friends elsewhere.” You said as you wiped the counter. 
He hummed, puffing his cheeks. “Why don’t you hire me? I can work part time. I’m mostly free! It seems like a lot of work just by yourself here…” 
“It’s only busy on holidays, usually I can manage it very well. And I do have a staff with me, he’s just currently not here since his dad is sick.”
He chewed the inner part of his cheeks, seemingly in thoughts again. He didn’t say anything but you saw him started cleaning the mess from the tables and throwing them to the trash. 
“So, how long have you been running this place?” 
“It’ll be two full years this December.” You said, your voice slowly going far as you moved to the kitchen. 
The man quickly followed you, clearly still wanted the conversation to keep going. You didn’t even bother to tell him away at this point. Maybe the company wasn’t so bad. 
“That’s cool.” He nodded, looking around the kitchen. “Have you always loved baking?”
“What is this, an interview?” You glared. 
“Maybe?” He giggled. 
“As a kid I used to want to study fashion and tailoring, but money was tight and I ended up just going for a normal and boring degree which is, accountancy.” 
He voiced an “ah” and nodded. “If you have the chance, would you still do it? Pursuing fashion and all…”
“I don’t know.” You sighed, hands full with the dishes. “The shop needs me. She doesn’t have anyone else.” 
“She?” He looked at you in amuse. 
“Yeah, it’s a she.” You held down a chuckle. 
He quietly helped you dry the plates and put them on the rack. 
Finally finished with the chores, you turned off the lights and grabbed your jacket. As you moved to the door, the man just followed you around like a puppy. 
“See ya, Taehyung.” You waved blankly and turned away, walking to the opposite direction. 
“Wait!” He called, making you stop in tracks. “Do you want me to drive you home?”
“My home is just a ten minute walk.” 
“Then I’ll walk you!” He smiled happily. 
“I’m not giving away my address to you.” You folded your arms. 
“Uh… text me when you get back home then?”
“I do not have your number.”
“That’s why we need to change that now.”
“It’s fine.” You turned your back again, the disappointed expression in his face went unseen to you. “Thank you for the offer though.” 
He sighed with a smile, but waved his goodbyes to you anyway. There was always a next day, he thought. 
You didn’t see him again until the next three days. This time he dropped by for a coffee, that you had recently noticed was bought for the sake of buying something, and a chocolate donut along with it. It seemed like this time instead of bugging you, he just sat there, sketching on his small sketch book, looking like he was shooting an advertisement for your cafe. 
He never greeted you nor had he said anything to you and he had been sitting there for four hours now. Your staff had offered to talk to him, but it just did not feel right to disturb him while looked so passionate. The shop wasn’t too busy at the moment anyway. 
“You sure he’s not a creep?” Jungkook, your staff said to you in a whisper. 
“Can’t exactly say he’s not one, but he’s harmless.” You told him. 
“He hasn’t touched his coffee.” 
“I don’t think he even likes coffee.”
“Then why even order one?! What a weirdo…” Jungkook looked at the guy with side eye. 
You heard the entrance door opened and saw a costumer. “Kook, handle the register for me, I’ll talk to the guy.”
Jungkook nodded and you went inside the kitchen. Grabbing an empty cup, you filled it with water before heading to the man sitting prettily at the corner. 
Taehyung was quick to put down his pencil and book as soon as he saw you placing down a glass of water. “Oh, hello!” He gave you a warm smile. 
“You need to drink something.” You told him, pointing at the water with your eyes. 
“Thanks, I already have the coffee though…”
“You haven’t even taken a single sip from it, Taehyung.” You folded your arms, leaning slightly at the table. “Why order one when you don’t like it?”
His eyes beamed. “You noticed???”
“You’ve been here for hours and the cup’s still full.”
“Sorry,” He chuckled and then took a full sip from the glass of water. “I wanted to look cool.” 
You rolled your eyes. “I don’t like coffee either. Not by choice cause I have acid reflux.” You told him. 
“We’re bonding already, I see… miss, uh…?” He eyed you. 
“Nice try.” You turned, walking away from him. You hoped he didn’t see the corners of your lips curled up ever so slightly. 
In the next few days he continued to visit your cafe to seemingly work on his sketch, but he did not get any coffee anymore. Instead, he now ordered some lemon tea alongside the chocolate donut. 
Usually, your shop would be closed on Sundays. You needed some time for yourself in order to prioritize your mental and physical health. But with the Christmas and New Year just around the corner, the place had been extra busy so you decided to open half day on Sundays just until the holiday season was over. 
That was why Taehyung looked so excited when he walked past the cafe and saw the lights on. 
“Welcome to Adore, what— oh.” You dropped your greetings as soon as your eyes met. 
“You’re open on Sundays now?” 
“Only during the holidays.” You simply said. “What can I get you?”
“Cherry jam filled donut?” He asked, pointing at the glass display. 
“Yup. It’s a holiday special.” 
“Interesting.” He hummed. “I’ll get one.”
“Alright. Anything else?”
“Nope. Please do print the bill with the cashier name on it this time…” 
“You’re never gonna give it up, huh?”
“You’re so dramatic. We’re basically friends at this point, why can’t I have your name?” He chuckled. 
You shook your head in disbelief. “If there’s nothing else, that would be two—“
“Boba-eyed boy isn’t here today?” He asked while looking around. 
“Jungkook’s shift doesn’t include Sundays.” You sighed. “Can we please proceed? There’s a line behind you.”
“Right, sorry…” He grinned awkwardly and paid the order. He waved you goodbye in a goofy way before exiting through the door. 
A lady who was a returning costumer was next in line. She smiled at you and spoke, “I’ve never seen him around before.”
“He just moved here around a month or so.” You told her. “What can I get you today?”
“Oh, the usual would be great, darling.” She smiled and you quickly typed matcha latte into the order. “I’d like the holiday hamper too, they look adorable.” 
You immediately went to get the donut set. “I know, right?” You smiled at her. 
You quickly typed and tally her order. After she was done with the payment, she spoke up again. “That boy seems nice… and seems into you.” She snickered. 
“Please don’t mind him.” You smiled at her and sighed. “He just has a lot of time in his hands.”
“Don’t be so negative, sweetheart. It’s almost Christmas.” 
She smiled before waving you goodbye, as you did the same to her. 
After the half day, you decided to spend your free time at the mall, window shopping and some actual light shopping too since you were looking for small gifts to give to your friends. On the way home, you were surprised to see Taehyung in front of your shop. He was tiptoeing in cold, hands in his pocket, trying to take a peek inside the closed store. 
“You’re here!” He waved cheerfully. “I didn’t know you closed early?”
“I only open until three on Sundays.” You said, feeling a little nervous seeing him outside work. “Did you wait for me…?”
“I want to give you this!” He quickly handed you a piece of paper, what appeared to be a ticket. “There’s a small art pop up at the town park next week. I have some of my works there and I was wondering if you want to come and see them with me?” He looked at you with hopeful eyes. 
You looked at the ticket and at him back and forth. A small art exhibition wouldn’t hurt anybody. The lady’s words somehow flashed through your mind. Maybe you needed to loosen it up a bit with the negativity. 
“It won’t clash with your work! It’s on Sun—“
“Sure.”
“Aww, man… I was hoping— wait, did you just say yes???” He widened his eyes at you. It was funny how he was already expecting you to reject him. 
“I mean, I’ll probably go either way so…” You shrugged. “I’m surprised Namjoon hasn’t told me anything about it.”
“I told him not to.” He smirked. 
“Well, that explains it.” You broke into a small smile. 
“Wow.” He gasped. “I just made you smile.”
Your expression dropped when you realized. “You’re crazy.”
He giggled, appeared to be very happy with himself. “Wanna take a stroll?”
Both of you ended up sitting down on a random bench across the river. The cold winter air was making you shiver and Taehyung being Taehyung, he quickly removed his coat and draped it across both of you. So now you were sitting shoulder to shoulder, under the moonlight. 
“Oh, I forgot to tell you, the cherry donut tasted great! You should keep it on the menu.” He showed you his thumbs up. 
“Really? I wasn’t so sure with the jam since I made them from scratch…” You thought. “It’s not overly sweet? I was worried the powdered sugar would be too much.”
“Nope.”
“You sure?”
“Why?” He turned to look at you with a mischievous grin. “You don’t trust my opinion?”
“N-No! I’m just making sure…” You looked away. 
Never knew looking at him in such close range would be this… nerve wracking. You never noticed his beautiful lashes, nor how unique his eyes were, one eye with monolid and the other had double. 
You cleared your throat, backing away slightly. You wondered why it suddenly felt hot even though you were out in the cold winter weather. 
“Is there a reason why I can’t know your name?” He suddenly asked. 
You looked around, fidgeting the hem of your sweater. “You’re too positive, too eager… It scares me.”
You were smiling, but Taehyung didn’t like the way your expression looked. The smile looked like it was laced with sadness behind it. 
“What made you decide to move here?” You asked, changing the topic suddenly. 
He looked like he wanted to protest, but chose not to. “I can’t stand the big city. Always thought I was born to live that life, but turns out I hate the crowd.” 
“Did you not have your alias before?”
“I used to star in movies.” 
“Damn, didn’t know you’re THAT famous.” You pouted your lips, impressed. 
“I’m no Ryan Gosling or anything, my thing was only on small movies or series.” He chuckled. 
“Wait, so you quit just like that???”
“My company kept pushing me on projects that don’t represent me. I was so fed up of putting on a facade in front of everyone, including behind cameras when meeting people in parties and whatnot…” He sighed. “And with my dog passing away recently, I thought a fresh start might be good for me. Cutting off all the toxic branches, you know?”
“I’m so sorry for your loss…” You couldn’t help but to feel sad hearing his story. 
“It’s okay. He’s been sick for so long, so he’s happier now somewhere.” He smiled. “Do you wanna see his pictures?”
You widened your eyes in surprise. “I can?”
“Sure. Just a sec…” 
He took out his phone and showed you a few photos from a dedicated album. Your heart melted upon seeing the images of the adorable Pomeranian. There was a few photos showing the dog wearing costumes, some he took with his friends, and even some selfies of him with the late dog. 
“His name was Yeontan.” He said, fingers still scrolling through the phone, letting you see more pictures. 
“I’m sure he was a good boy…” You gave him a smile. 
“The best.” He smiled back, almost teary eyed. 
Maybe it was the festivities around you, making your heart softened, but you finally agreed to him walking you back home. It was almost awkward to say goodbye as deep down you wanted to hug him. Not only as a farewell, but you wanted to comfort him after hearing his story. You were fighting with your inner morals and self respect, then ended up with a simple fist bump. To be fair, that was more you coded anyway. 
He was very sweet, waiting in front of your house, making sure you entered the door before leaving. You had to shoo him away through the window to make him leave. The sound of his laughter as he waved at you, sounded like a soft Christmas song. 
You did not get to see him until the day before the exhibition. You and Jungkook were busy cleaning up the place, and you could hear your staff’s growl when the sound of the door bell could be heard, thinking it was a costumer coming on closing time.
“Oh, it’s the creep.”
“Hello, boba boy.” Taehyung greeted playfully at the guy. 
“I do not like this guy.” Jungkook pointed to him and looked at you. 
You gave Tae a small smile before patting Jungkook’s shoulder. “I don’t either.” You chuckled. 
“Oh, yeah sure!” The younger guy protested, rolling his eyes. 
“I’ll be done in ten minutes.” You looked at the guy who was waiting next to the door. 
“Take your time.” He smiled at you, but earned another glare from the staff boy. 
After you were done and Jungkook went home, subsequent to giving the waiting man a few death stares. You heard Taehyung huffing and puffing, hands inside his pocket, while you were locking your entrance door. 
“What do you wanna talk about?” You asked him. 
“The exhibition is tomorrow…”
“I know.” You giggled. “And?”
“Hey, I don’t have your phone number to just text this thing, okay?” He said in defense, making you laugh. “I have something to give you though…”
“Oh? You don’t have to!”
You backed away one step from him but that did not stop him from taking out something from his pants pocket. He took out a small maroon colored jewelry box, and your heart was racing out because, to random people this might look like he wanted to propose to you.
He opened the box and showed it to you. A beautiful silver-plated Vivienne Westwood necklace was inside of it, you could notice it right away with the iconic Saturn orb. 
“Taehyung, I can’t accept this! I don’t even have anything to give you…” 
“I just think it’d look great with formal looks, for the exhibition and all…” He looked away shyly. “Just take it, please.”
Your hands were slightly trembling as you reached out for the box. “Thank you. It’s really beautiful.” 
“Uh huh.” He grinned, rocking back and forth playfully. “So uh… can I finally have your phone number? I kinda need to know when to pick you up…” He looked at you with hopeful looks. 
“Sure.” You chuckled. 
“Yes!” He threw his fist up, before quickly recollecting himself and cleared his throat. “Uh, here…” He handed you his phone. 
As you typed your number in, he suddenly stopped you. 
“Don’t type your name in!”
You looked at him with crooked head, wondering if he had lost his mind. The fact you were about to do it too. 
“Just tell me tomorrow, if you want to.” He grinned. 
“Okay…?” You chuckled and handed him back the phone. “What’s this all about?”
“Where’s the fun if I tell you.” You could see his cheeks turning a rosy color despite the low light. 
“Suspicious.” You eyed him, couldn’t help a smile. “But I’m intrigued.”
He flashed you his usual boxy grin, hands inside the pocket as he blew a cold smoke. “I’ll take you home?”
You might not realized it, but Taehyung had slowly but surely began to tear down the barrier you built one by one. Whether it was the constant affection, random jokes, or the small details that he would always noticed, whatever it was, his presence made you felt safe. 
Came next day, you had texted Taehyung when to pick you up at your home after work. The struggle and anxiety of choosing the right outfit really joined late. The whole day you thought you had figured it out, but when you finished putting it all together, you started overthinking. Does Taehyung like woman in skirts? Does he prefer woman with hair up or down? Would it be too much if you wear a little bit of makeup?
The choices landed on a simple black mini dress with a white shirt under it. It was the most formal-but-not-try-hard-but-also-still-cute kinda outfit you had. Your red plaid patterned pumps matched the whole theme of the Vivienne necklace that was gifted to you days prior. 
As you take a look at your reflection in the mirror, your phone rang. Expecting it to be Taehyung, you looked up the caller name revealing your friend Namjoon instead. 
“Hello?”
“You’re coming to the exhibition, right?” 
“I am. Why?”
“Tae’s picking you up?”
“Yeah, I think he’ll be here in fifteen.” 
“I’m assuming things are well between you and him?” There was a hint of sneaky teasing in his tone of voice. 
“Didn’t know you were trying to make something happen between us.” You said as you looked at the mirror, applying lipgloss. 
“Wasn’t suppose to, I don’t think that was his initial intention either.” The guy chuckled from the other line. “But I don’t know man… I just think it’s good to see you with someone again, no? You’ve been through so much and I think Taehyung is a good person.”
“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves here, we don’t even know if he’s even thinking that way.” 
“Well, I know.” He emphasized. “Dude wouldn’t even make a move without my permission.”
You broke into a smile. “I didn’t know you’re that protective of me.”
“Hey, ever since what happened with that sick bastard, you had been shutting yourself down. You kept yourself busy with work, you don’t even socialize that much anymore…” He sighed. “And I know you are scared. I know you’re afraid of people that show you so much interest so fast, people who are all sunshine and happiness. But don’t you think it���s about time you try to trust again?”
“I don’t know Joon… to be honest with you, I feel safe with him. He seems like he has the purest intention, and even if he doesn’t even think about this romantically, I still want a friend like him. But…” You paused. “That’s why it’s even scarier. He’s broken all the walls I’ve built. If he hurt me, I’ll be back to ground zero again.” 
“It’s always worth the risk.” Your friend said sternly, assuring you. “And don’t worry, I’ll personally punch him in his goddamn top five most handsome men face if he ever tries to hurt you.” 
You laughed. “Thank you, Joon.” 
“Go get dolled up. I want jaws on the floor when you arrive.” 
“That’s not gonna happen, but whatever.” You laughed again. “See ya.”
“See you, lover girl.”
You had your fair share of Christmas movies. You were also never much of a romantic person yourself, so the Christmas movies dreamy golden retriever boy coming to sweep you off your feet cliche was never your cup of tea. But never say never, people said. 
The sleek back hair, the preppy white button up, the black suit. Who were you kidding, did this person steal his outfit from a movie set or something? You were sure you were getting picked up by a friend, not the prince himself. 
“Hi.” He said, a bit breathless. 
“Hi there.” You said bashfully. “You look great.” 
“Don’t steal my line.” He laughed, pulling his collar slightly. “Oh shit, I forgot.” 
“What is it?”
You saw the man quickly ran to his car and picked up something from the back seat. 
Lord saves us all. He came back with a bouquet. 
“Oh my god.” You rolled your eyes, laughing. “You can’t keep doing this!”
“It’s too much, is it?” He eyed you with a smirk. 
“I like them though.” You smiled as he handed you the flowers. “Although I must admit, red rose is a bit overrated.” 
“It matches your shoes though.” He pointed out. 
“I guess you’re right.” You giggled. “Wait just a sec, I’ll vase them.” You came back a few minutes later after quickly finding a jar for the roses. “Ready?”
“After you.” He playfully said. 
You had the opportunity to bond over music taste through the car ride. You shared your playlist and so did he. You tried your best to not sneak in looks but you caught him doing the same thing a few times, in which both of you just laughed it off. 
“Wow, she’s finally out and about, folks!” Namjoon greeted you as soon as both of you were in sight. 
“I do go out sometimes, you’re exaggerating.” You slapped your friend’s arm jokingly. 
“Buying groceries doesn’t count.” 
You rolled your eyes. “Let’s just leave this guy.”
Taehyung laughed. “Wasn’t planning on letting him trail us anyway.”
“You guys are disgusting. I am busy too, excuse you.” Namjoon shook his head playfully. “Enjoy the show, don’t forget to see the main piece!” He eyed Taehyung, wiggling his eyebrows. 
“We get it. Now shoo.” Taehyung gestured with his hand at the tall guy. Namjoon laughed once again before leaving the two of you. “Shall we?” He asked, gesturing his arm in hopes you would link yours over. 
You nodded and happily obliged. 
He cleared his throat as both of you start walking. “I’m supposed to be your tour guide and I rehearsed my whole opening speech, but now I’m nervous as hell with you being this close to me.”
Your cheeks flushed and you giggled. “It’s okay, let’s just both be visitors today.”
“Alright…” He breathed out. “You can ask questions if you’d like. Not everything here is mine but I know a thing or two about them too.”
Soon your eyes landed on a grayscale painting with random splashes of shapes decorating it. You let go your hand from his arm, stepping closer to the artwork, admiring it from close range. The amount of small details made up for the lack of vibrant colors, the visible brush strokes and different textures made it look very unreal to you. 
“Caught your eye?”
“It must took a lot of time and effort doing all the different textures and details.”
“Yeah, it took me months. Made this while thinking about the last time I fell in love.” He smiled at you. 
You were taken aback. Your eyes went down to the small signature done by the man himself. “One would’ve think being in love involves more bright colors…”
“It was more complicated than that.” He stepped closer and stood next to you, eyes on the painting as well. “There was a mix of emotions in there. Happiness, sadness, the in betweens… But all of that memories belong to my past, hence the gray palette.” 
You were debating if you should ask more about the said past.
“You could ask, you know. If you’re curious…” He said, as if he could read your mind. “It’s okay, we ended on good terms. She just fell out of love. I guess I just bore her.”
“That’s awful. How could someone find you boring?” 
You froze when you realized what you had just said. 
The man chuckled as soon as he heard. “Thank you for the compliment.” 
You turned away, blushing. “Let’s move on.” You walked ahead. 
He followed your pace and walked aside you. “What about you? What’s your past like? If you don’t mind me asking…”
“I don’t really have that much experience.” You said with eyes still roaming the area. “Namjoon didn’t tell you anything?”
“He loves to gossip but he also cares about you very much, so no.” 
You smiled and puffed a sigh. “It might not sound like that much of a big deal, but the last person I dated lovebombed me at the lowest point of my life. I was dealing with the loss of my grandma, moving back to this town to continue her bakery, and he came to me just like that only to leave me for another woman like I was nothing.”
“Hey, that is a big deal what are you even talking about.” He stopped and looked at you, seemingly a bit pissed too after hearing your story. 
“I try not to let it get to me anymore, I guess.” You pulled the hem of his sleeves, signaling him to continue walking further. “It’s getting better now, thank you.”
“Thank you?” He eyed you.
“Yeah, thank you.” You smiled. 
He chose not to question it and just continue the tour with a big grin decorating his face. The two of you continued the tour before Taehyung suddenly stopped you from making a turn to the last room to see. 
“Uh, before you go I need to tell you something… I want you to know that this didn’t happen on purpose.” He plastered a nervous smile. 
“What are you talking about?”
“The inspiration didn’t quite reach me until the very last few days… I was supposed to sculpt a whole different thing, but I ended up with a bust.” 
“Oh? Then I can’t wait to see—“
“Wait,” He grabbed your wrist, stopping you. “I want to let you know that I made this because it’s all that’s been occupying my mind the past few weeks and I don’t mean it in a creepy way… in case you’re offended.” He chuckled nervously again. 
“Why would I get offended?” You looked at him suspiciously. 
He took a deep breath and breathed out heavily. “Let’s go see it.” 
Once you were inside, the first thing that caught your eye was a huge bust sculpture facing back. There was somewhat of a drip effect coming from the neck downwards, huge mess of concrete pooling at the bottom, creating the illusion of an unfinished raw work. From the looks of it, the statue seemed to be of a woman, but you couldn’t judge for sure. As you stepped closer, circling to get a better view, Taehyung quietly followed you from behind. 
You began to notice the ear, the side profile and how oddly familiar looking it was. Once you finally see the full front view, it all made sense to you. 
The sculpture was in fact made to look like you. It had your eyes, nose, lips, everything. It was you, with your hair up like how you would during work hours. 
“T-Tae… is this…”
“Yeah.” He rubbed the back of his neck, looking at you with reddened cheeks. “What do you think?”
You were still in awe, speechless of seeing a literal art piece of yourself, most importantly, presented to the public eye. You weren’t sure if screaming or crying would be the appropriate way to react. 
Seeing you stunned silent, Taehyung began to panic a little. “It’s creepy, isn’t it? I’m sorry…”
“No!” You quickly voiced out. “It’s just… I’m just loss of words. I can’t exactly believe what I see.” 
“I can’t either.” He said, looking uneasy still. “It just happened out of nowhere. I only realized when I was already halfway done with your nose.”
“I…” You took a good look at the piece again, before continuing. “It’s really beautiful. I wasn’t even sure it’s me until I see the full view.”
“Well, that’s how you look in my eyes.” He giggled. 
You blushed. Clearly you didn’t have any comeback ready in you for this. 
“If you look closely, this piece doesn’t have a name yet.” 
You looked down to see the name plate empty, as told. Then something just connected in your head. This cheeky smart bastard. 
“Wanna name it?” He looked at you with a big contagious smile on his lips. 
You nodded, mirroring the smile he had on. Instead of immediately saying your name, you stepped closer and hugged him, in which he instantly returned, resting his head on top of yours. In his embrace you looked up and finally told him your name. 
The expression he had was mixture of joy and surprise. Both of you bursted into laughter in unison. For a moment, the world seemed to have stopped just for you. You even forgot the existence of other visitors wandering around. It was just you and him. 
Taehyung took out something from his side pocket, a black marker, which he wiggled playfully in front of you. He looked left and right, making sure no one would notice, before he quickly wrote something on the golden plate.
“What if someone sees you?!” You whispered. 
“Don’t worry, Namjoon already knows.” 
He chuckled and took your hand in his, intertwining your fingers together as he led you through the exit. You didn’t get to see exactly what he wrote on the plate, safe to assume it was probably just your name. 
Little did you know, Namjoon had reached the room, examining the new named sculpture, with the word “Love” now scribbled on top of its name plate. He couldn’t help but to be happy for his dear friends. 
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Thank you for reading! 🎨
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a-aexotic · 10 months ago
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𝐛𝐮𝐛𝐛𝐥𝐞𝐠𝐮𝐦 𝐛𝐢𝐭𝐜𝐡, chapter 1
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𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭 ! 3.5k
𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 ! familial issues, underage drinking, tension (between literally every LOL), blair/serena hating each other, you/blair and you/serena being besties lol, a lotta winfrey lore
𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐬 ! ahhhh im super excited, as always please lmk your thoughts !!
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PRESENT DAY.
Hey, Upper East Siders, Gossip Girl here, and I have the most surprising news ever. Y/N Winfrey spotted back in town after she disappeared for almost 6 months. But where has she been all this time? Sources tell me she's been living it up in the City of Love, Paris. Oh la la! But what brings our darling Y/N back to the Big Apple after all this time? Could it be a scandalous affair, a family feud, or perhaps a fashionable rendezvous with the elite of Parisian society?
Rumors are swirling as to the reason behind Y/N's sudden return. Some say she's back to reclaim her rightful place among Manhattan's elite, while others speculate that she's returned to stir up trouble in the already turbulent waters of Upper East Side.
But what of Y/N's infamous entourage? Will her loyal subjects, Nate, Isabell, Kati and Blair, welcome her back with open arms, or will there be whispers of betrayal and backstabbing among the ranks of Manhattan's elite?
Will she pick up right where she left off, ruling the social scene with her signature grace? Or has her time away changed her in ways we can't even imagine? So grab your designer handbags and your most scandalous gossip, Upper East Siders, because things are about to heat up in the city that never sleeps. XOXO, Gossip Girl.
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As the sleek black limousine rolled to a stop in front of the towering building, the door swung open with a soft whoosh, revealing the figure of Y/N Winfrey stepping out into the cool Manhattan air.
With a flick of your hair, you cast a cool gaze towards your old home, a grand penthouse that stood as a testament to the wealth and power of the Winfrey family. The familiar sight of the elegant facade stirred a flurry of emotions within you, memories both bitter and sweet flooding your mind as you took in your old home.
You were too focused on the old home to hear your mother come up from behind you, putting a hand on her shoulder as she examined the home as well. She hadn't been there since the divorce, which was almost a decade ago.
"I know you're nervous, Y/N. But don't let any of them get to you, okay?" Her voice rang in your ears as you nodded slowly. You weren't sure who she was referring to; your father's new family or your old friends. Or maybe, all of the above.
"Okay," you whispered, your voice barely above a whisper. "I won't."
With a reassuring squeeze of your mother's hand, you gathered your resolve and stepped forward, ready to face whatever awaited you within the walls of your old home.
Your new family met you with open arms and it felt strange to be back home, the same home you'd left; except, everything inside had changed. There were no more pictures of you anywhere, they were all replaced with wedding photos or pictures of your new stepsister, Charlene. It made your stomach twist in disgust, you couldn't believe your father had a brand-new, shiny family. The perfect family he'd prayed for, you were almost happy for him. Almost.
"So how was Paris, Y/N? Did you like it?" Josie's voice brought you back to real life. You turned your gaze up to meet hers, a tight smile on your lips. You were sat in the living room of the penthouse, alongside your mother and stepmother.
"It was... fun," you reply carefully, your tone neutral. You couldn't bring yourself to admit just how much you missed Paris, how it had felt more like home than this place ever did. Instead, you plastered on a facade of indifference, hoping to shield yourself. "It's too bad that we left."
Your mother let out a light laugh as she glanced back at you. "We'll be back as soon as we can. I just missed New York so much and I'm so happy to be back." What she didn't mention was that the only reason she was back was for her business, she wanted to open more shops in Manhattan.
"Yeah, it's nice to be back," you replied, forcing a smile. Despite your mother's attempt to lighten the mood, you couldn't shake the feeling of unease that settled in the pit of your stomach.
Josie, your stepmother, chimed in, her voice cheerful. "I'm glad to hear that. I'm sure you'll adjust to being back in no time. Especially with Eleanor's party tonight, you'll be attending that... right?"
"Yes, yes she will." Your mother answered for you. You knew that your mother wanted to reintroduce you back into Manhattan society but you didn't even have time to adjust back into New York time, you were jetlagged.
You didn't want to even think about why you even left in the first place. When you decided to leave, you promised that when you'd come back, you'd leave it in the past. You'd leave him in the past.
Nate. The mere thought of him sent a shiver down your spine, a reminder of the heartache you had endured before leaving for Paris. You had promised yourself that you would never allow him back into your life, that you would move on and leave the past where it belonged.
Lost in your thoughts, you barely noticed as your mother and stepmother continued to discuss the details of the upcoming event, their voices fading into the background as your mind wandered back to memories you had long tried to forget.
──౨ৎ──
"And if they ask you about the business, what do you say?" Your mother quizzed you as she put on lipgloss, looking into the mirror of the hallway of the building that Blair's penthouse resided in.
You tore your gaze away from your own reflection to meet your mother's eyes, a sense of unease creeping into your stomach. "I'll say that things are going well," you replied, your tone carefully neutral. "That we're expanding and looking for new opportunities in Manhattan."
Your mother nodded in approval, her lips curving into a satisfied smile. "Good," she said, her voice tinged with a hint of pride. "Just remember to keep it vague. We're a family, and we need to show the world that we're strong, no matter what."
You forced a smile, though the weight of your mother's words hung heavy in the air. The facade of unity was fragile, and you knew that beneath the surface, tensions simmered, threatening to boil over at any moment.
Your mother finally finished her lip gloss, focusing now solely on you. "Remember, confidence is key. You're representing not just yourself, but our entire family."
"Got it." You answered, the words coming out as more of a reassurance to yourself than to her.
Her words echoed in your mind as you followed her towards Blair's penthouse, the anticipation of Eleanor's party looming ever closer. The elevator dinged and the door opened, revealing the glamorous penthouse of the Waldorf's. Your mother's hand found yours as she squeezed it, reassuring as you two walked back into Manhattan's elite society.
"Priscilla Winfrey! You made it!"
Your mother's head turned to meet Eleanor, a charming smile enveloping her lips as she walked toward her.
"Oh, and is that Y/N?" Eleanor gasped as she studied you, taking every little detail in. "You look absolutely stunning, sweetheart. You're starting to look more and more like your mother every passing day."
"Thank you, Ms. Waldorf," you replied graciously, offering her a polite smile. Despite the compliment, you couldn't shake the sense of unease that gnawed at you.
Eleanor's gaze lingered on you for a moment longer before she turned her attention back to your mother, engaging her in conversation. Left momentarily alone, you scanned the room, taking in the familiar faces that surrounded you.
Your eyes landed on your old friend group, all seated on the couch. A sense of nostalgia hit you as you examined their faces, all the nights you'd spent partying with them playing in your head. Isabell, Kati and Chuck sat as they spoke, talking about God knows what.
You couldn't help but wonder where Blair was, it was her party and she wasn't with her friends. And of course, Nate.
Chuck's eyes finally met yours, a wide smirk on his lips as his eyes fell on your body before back to your eyes. But before you could go up to them, you heard an excited squeal behind you.
"Y/N!"
You recognize that voice anywhere; it was Blair. She enveloped you in a tight hug, her excitement palpable as she pulled back to study your face. "Oh my God, it's been too long." she exclaimed, her eyes sparkling but there was something you couldn't quite place. "You look amazing, as always."
You were nervous, it had been so long since you'd seen your old best friend. Your stomach twisted in guilt as you gave her a tight smile, her hands squeezing yours. "Thank you, Blair. You looked stunning but I'm sure you don't need me to tell you that."
Blair's smile faltered for just a moment before she regained her composure, a flash of something unreadable passing through her eyes. "Thank you, Y/N," she replied, her tone warm but tinged with an undercurrent of tension. "I'm just glad you're here. Like, really here."
You and Blair had been close since you were kids, your families being close since the beginning of time, basically. Your mothers were best friends in school and now, you are too. Before you left Paris, you told Blair and Serena and made sure to give them calls whenever you could. But soon, Serena stopped answering your calls and according to Blair, she just disappeared to a boarding school in Connecticut.
Blair still didn't know the real reason you fled to Paris and that gulit chipped at you everyday, even more now as you saw her lips curve into a rare genuine smile.
"I've missed you, Blair," you replied, your voice tinged with sincerity. "It's good to be back."
"It's good to have you back, Y/N." Blair gave your hand a squeeze before she spoke again. "Excuse me for two seconds, I have to go to the bathroom."
"Of course, Blair," you replied, offering her a reassuring smile as she excused herself.
You let out a sigh before turning your focus back to your mom, who was now in a conversation with a person you weren't sure you knew the name of. You knew you couldn't bother her right now, she was networking.
With a resigned sigh, you resigned yourself to the role of observer, content to blend into the background as your mother worked her magic in the world of Manhattan's elite. It wasn't the first time you had found yourself sidelined in favor of your mother's professional pursuits, and you knew it wouldn't be the last.
You couldn't blame her, though. After the divorce, her career had become more than just a family business—it had become her lifeline, it was the only thing she still had.
You remembered the days that followed your parents' separation, the way your mother had thrown herself into her work with a fervor bordering on obsession. It had been her way of coping, her way of escaping the pain and heartache that had threatened to consume her. You didn't blame her, her high school sweetheart had left her for a woman almost half her age, closer in age with her daughter than her.
You found the drinks table quickly, grabbing a glass of champagne and taking a sip of it. As you lifted the glass to your lips, the cool and crisp taste of the champagne washed over your tongue, distracting you from the emotions swirling within you. With a sigh of contentment, you leaned against the table, letting the hum of conversation and laughter wash over you.
As you scanned the room, your eyes fell on a familiar brunette. Your heart skipped a beat as you realized who it was; the person you'd been wanting to escape since you left for Paris. His bright blue eyes met yours and you felt a rush of conflicting emotions flood through you. It was Nate, your once-close friend, the one person who had been a constant presence in your life before everything changed.
His gaze held surprise as he caught sight of you across the room, and for a moment, you found yourself unable to tear your eyes away from him. You were frozen, unable to move as he approached you.
You couldn't escape him now.
Nate's lips curved into a smile as he took you in, with all your glory. "Y/N, you're back. It's, uh... good to see you."
"Yeah, you too." You responded, giving him a short answer.
Nate's smile faltered slightly at your response, a flicker of disappointment flashing across his features before he quickly masked it. "So, uh... how have you been?" he asked, his tone cautious as though treading on uncertain ground.
"I've been good. And you?"
"Me too. I'm happy you're back." He looked down at the glass of champagne as he let out a chuckle. "I'm glad you still have that taste of champagne, some things just never change."
You couldn't help but smile at Nate's attempt to lighten the mood, the tension between you easing ever so slightly. "Yeah, some things never change," you agreed, a hint of warmth creeping into your voice.
"Nate!" Blair's voice echoed as she came up to the two of you, grabbing his arm. "You don't mind if I steal him for a second, Y/N."
You and Nate exchanged looks before you tore your eyes from him and back to Blair, a forced smile playing on your lips. "Of course not, he's all yours." In more ways than one, you thought to yourself as the two walked away, leaving you alone once again.
Before you could relish in being alone again, your mother's voice rang behind you. "Y/N! Blair! Look who's back."
You turned to meet the blonde you'd once called your best friend. Serena. Her gaze held excitement as she found yours, you began walking toward and engulfing her in a big embrace.
You didn't know why she left for Connecticut but you knew she would tell you and Blair eventually. You, Serena and Blair had always been close and tight-knit, no matter the circumstances.
Serena pulled out of the hug and put her hands on your shoulders as she studied your face, a grin on her face. "You're glowing, Y/N."
"Says you. How did you get even more blonde since I've seen you?" You teased as she let out a laugh.
Serena's laughter echoed through the hallway, a sound that filled you with a sense of warmth and familiarity. Despite the time that had passed since you had last seen each other, it felt as though no time had passed at all.
"I've been spending way too much time in the sun," Serena admitted with a playful grin, her blue eyes sparkling. "But enough about me, tell me everything. How was Paris? Did you meet any cute French boys?"
You chuckled at Serena's teasing. "Paris was amazing," you replied, a smile tugging at the corners of your lips as you recalled your time. "And as for French boys, well, let's just say they definitely live up to the hype."
Serena laughed, nudging you playfully with her elbow. "I knew it!"
"Serena?"
You both turned to face Blair, a unreadable expression on her face before she quickly masked it with excitement. She pulled her into a tight hug but you could feel the tension, what the hell did you miss when you were Paris?
"So good to see you, how are you?" Blair pulled out of the hug as she looked in between you.
"Oh, look! The girls are back together, my heart is gonna burst." Eleanor gasped as she observed the scene in front of her, oblivious to the tension in the room. "Are you staying for dinner, I'll set a place next to Y/N and Blair!"
"Yeah, um, there's somewhere I have to go." Serena looked in between you, a guilty expression on her face.
"You're leaving?" Blair's voice sounded hurt as she looked back at Serena.
"Yeah... I don't feel well, I-I just wanted to come and say hi. I'll see you guys at school tomorrow." Serena responded as she slowly began to back up, before she turned away.
Blair's expression dropped immediately back to a bitter expression, looking back to you. "At least you're staying. Who needs Serena anyway?" She whispered the last part as she turned away and began walking away.
You began following behind her, "What did I miss?"
"What do you mean?"
You caught up to Blair and you two began walking toward the couch. "I mean... with you and S?"
"Serena." She corrected. "And nothing except all you know. She left without saying a word, to none of us." Blair sounded bitter but you knew deep down, she was just hurt.
"Well, maybe something happened."
"With what?" Chuck joined the conversation as Blair glared at him. You could feel Chuck's gaze on your dress as he smirked.
"Mind your business, Chuck." Blair spoke as she rolled her eyes.
You caught Chuck's gaze, his smirk igniting a spark of annoyance within you. "Chuck, it's not polite to stare," you retorted, your tone sharp as you shot him a pointed look. Some things never do change, you thought.
Chuck's smirk widened at your words, a glint of amusement dancing in his eyes. "Forgive me, I couldn't help but admire the view," he replied smoothly, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "You did some growing up in Paris, I could tell." His eyes were focused on your dress as you scoffed.
"Paris does wonders for a person," you replied dryly, refusing to give him the satisfaction of seeing you flustered.
──౨ৎ──
"I'm pregnant! Surprise, Y/N!" Josie shouted as your father pulled her in closer, your jaw slowly falling. She's... what? Your fork clattered against the plate, the sound echoing in the tense silence that followed Josie's announcement. Pregnant? The word echoed in your mind, disbelief and shock washing over you in waves.
Your head was pounding, you got home around 12:30 last night because the party lasted a little longer than expected. You were just trying to enjoy your breakfast before school, but then they drop this bombshell on you.
"Wh-what?" You finally managed to stammer out, your eyes wide with disbelief as you looked at Josie. "How does, uh, Charlene feel about it?"
Charlene was Josie's daughter from her previous relationship, she was about two years younger than you and... well, you couldn't stand her.
"You can ask her yourself!" Josie's gaze moved behind you and you turned to face Charlene. Speak of the devil.
Charlene's lips curved into a smile, though there was a flicker of something else in her eyes. "Super excited. I mean, I can't wait to be an older sister."
There was awkward silence before you got up from the dining table, clearing your throat. "Well... I have to get ready for school. This was really nice."
You got up and began walking up the stairs, ignoring their stares. You wanted to stay with your mom but she was staying at The Palace and your father insisted you stayed with them and his shiny new family.
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seat-safety-switch · 6 days ago
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"Don't fix your car," said the guru, "but fix yourself instead."
Yeah, thanks for that, bud. I get plenty of exercise walking home from the various places that my shitboxes have left me stranded. Grocery stores. Movies. Weddings. The mall. My job. Prison.
Once, one of my jobs gave me a step meter, as part of a company initiative to "improve wellness" and stop asking for raises all the time because we're too busy walking to unionize. After I walked a mere fifteen kilometres home and back to bring a fresh battery to my stricken daily driver, the watch started smoking and gave up. Might have been because I used it to jump the battery, but the manual didn't say not to.
What I'm trying to say is that the advice from that well-intentioned mentor was not very useful in my exact situation. He was just babbling something that sounded deep in order to get me out of his meditation hut, where I had ducked in to warm myself before continuing my six-hour walk back home to get another car. Even if I were to achieve perfect inner peace, I'd still have to drive places and interact with the imperfect outer world. Cars break down, which is why we like them so much. If they worked flawlessly forever, they'd have no character at all.
About thirty minutes later, I reached enlightenment, and realized what the guru had meant the whole time. Walking was the lame thing to do. Although fashionable in Paris, it's very slow, and the correct way to deal with my crap-cans would be to get more organized. I had to invest in my system, not in my tools.
If I were to park cars all over town, then I would be no more than four blocks from a running car. And if that one turned out to also be dead, maybe because some dumbass hasn't driven it in several months because it's six hours' walk away from his house, then I would only be four blocks away from another car. And so on. There was literally no downside.
Later, it turned out that I represented over 60% of the cars being parked in my town. By simply offering to withdraw my vehicles, I could wildly control the price of parking all over the city. Turns out that also affected parking-company stocks, which is how that so-called guru got incredibly rich following my ass around and shorting whatever company pissed me off that week. That's enlightenment for you.
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woods-jordyn · 2 years ago
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