#parents tag

[sleepnoises]

[i play the new single by julian baker and TORRES in the car hoping to surprise and delight my julian baker loving mom]

my mom, who it turns out has already seen the music video, in thoughtful tones: TORRES's spouse paints her naked a lot

me: oh is it the woman who does all the paintings??

my mom, with slight hysteria: georgia o'keefe???

me, googling, correct: JENNA GRIBBON!

[campy-mccampface]

Bus Pass: Fancypants Platypus

Name: Fancypants Platypus (formerly Francis Platypus)

Age: 36 at the time of the series

Residence: California, USA

Origin: New York, USA

Occupation: Fashion designer and later social media influencer

Orientation: Gay (like really, really gay)

Significant other(s): No significant ones but many flings

Fancypants Platypus is the third eldest son of the Platypus family. He’s catty, condescending, and self-centered. Like his other siblings, he was brought up in wealth, is a former Bean Scout and bullied Edward, the youngest, mercilessly. He’s a bigshot in the clothing design world, and his new status as a social media influencer has made him a household name. The latter, ironically, has humbled him somewhat and he has since become the only son to make peace with little Edward.

Biography: Canon and Headcanon

Francis Platypus was the third son born to Tony and Susan Platypus. From a very young age he had a keen eye for art, colors, and making himself favored. Tony, who owned and ran a very profitable construction company, had hoped this meant the newest boy would mature into an architect beneath him, but it wasn’t to be. This disappointment (that Tony and only Tony set himself up for, but he’ll never admit it,) would be the first bit of bad blood between them, but it simmered beneath the surface for decades.

For quite some time, Francis was the youngest child, after Chas (aka Cheesley) and Alfredo (aka Alpine.) Francis was the subject of bullying himself from them for his effeminate nature and comparable physical weakness. They took to calling him “Sissy” and “Nance,” and the minute he turned eighteen he spitefully changed his name to “Fancypants Platypus,” by which time he had fully embraced his queerness and was apprenticing in clothing design. They thus couldn’t mock him as they had without complimenting what was shaping up to be a meteoric rise in wealth and stardom of his own. (That’s not to say Tony respected Fancypants becoming self-made and openly gay. Far from it.) When Philip was born, the tradition of the youngest brother being the family punching bag seemed to pass, which made Fancypants secretly very angry at the unequal treatment.

But before that, the Platypus brothers went to Camp Kidney on the other side of the country, in Prickly Pines, California. Tony had gone to camp there himself as a boy, and he got a kick out of sending his materially spoiled boys “to that fucking dump” for a few summers. Only the three eldest boys went at the same time, for Philip and later Edward were too far apart in age. Although Philip went alone, the Platypus brothers’ reputation followed him, and no one messed with him. (Edward wasn’t so privileged with this association when his turn came.)

At camp, Francis was, individually, helpless. He couldn’t make fire, he flinched at the ball during sports, and he found the uniforms drab. He had no option then but to tag along with his brothers for support. For one reason or another, Cheesly and Alpine suddenly forgot to bully Francis and instead made him their rookie when it came to causing grief for other campers. Under their tutelage, Francis gave plenty of wedgies, threw many uniforms into rivers, and even beat up a few campers whom Cheesly and Alpine held down for him. He regards this as the low point of his life.

Five years after Philip came Edward, and at once the tradition of bullying the youngest brother came alive again. Intoxicated by being able to belittle others with his brothers’ help, Francis (and when the name change happened, Fancypants,) partook gleefully. They called Edward every name in the book. They slapped him awake with hands full of shaving cream. Every time he tried to make friends, they found some way to turn them away. And there was, of course, “tetherball.” Tony encouraged all of it, hoping it’d made Edward fight back (and somehow make him a construction company heir, it’s all he thinks of, yeesh.) Susan stayed on the sidelines as much as she disliked what the boys were doing, if only to not get sucked into conflict with Tony.

Edward, doted on as much as he was with gifts and money, was still totally alone and very tired of the whole world. By some act of God, the other brothers never found out about his Veronica doll. Fancypants only found out years later once they made peace, and even then kept it dark from the others considering he had written them off anyway.

From age 18 and on, Fancypants was unstoppable. He worked his way to the very top of the Design Department at the clothing company he worked, becoming its chief by age 30. He had pots of money he had made without his family’s help, was well-liked, and was openly gay. Tony and the other brothers were starting to lose patience with him. He was carving his own path in a way the other brothers, (Cheesly the owner of a chain of gyms, Alpine an NBA all-star,) hadn’t: without fawning over his father and his company in public. This was considered disrespect, and Fancypants rightly refused to stop being his own person. It wasn’t long after the events of “Edward’s Brothers” that Fancypants did indeed break away from the family. They may have hoped that going back to camp to pick on Edward “like old times” would help, but it didn’t.

Fancypants once again was the family black sheep, and he didn’t mind a bit. He even marketed a line of “Black Sheep Woolen Turtlenecks.” That’s just the kind of petty he is. In this new, low-attention span digital age, Fancypants found another avenue for money and fame: social media influencing. He uploaded videos of himself designing, comparing various clothing brands to his own, makeup tutorials, etc., and had millions of followers virtually overnight.

This also exposed him to much online nastiness, and it struck a chord with him. (A very late wakeup call to be sure, but whatever.) He “found” Edward online, and discovered he was out and gay too. At once, Fancypants realized what a jackass he had been, and immediately he set out to find his little brother and make amends if possible. Edward accepted, after first letting Fancypants grovel a bit, and after a bit of awkwardness they’ve since become very tight.

They bond over tea parties, talking smack about their brothers, other people and their fashion choices, having sleepovers and playing tennis on Fancypants’ own personal court at his mansion, and even play dolls together.

Edward’s favorite way to tease Fancypants is to call him a “queer elder.”

[alphaspoetry]

favoritism

Wasn’t favoritism the silent truth every parent denies yet carries in they action? My mother, no different, denies it with a fury, her anger sparking every time I try to call it out. Yet denial does not erase the truth—it lingers in the corners of our lives, etched into every uneven glance, every unbalanced word. Ask the loudest child in the room, and she will tell you. She will tell you how her voice rose to match the walls, desperate to shatter the silence where love once stood, a silence carved by the attention stolen and given elsewhere.

"You’re jealous,” they say.

“We don’t play favorites.”

“You’re cruel for thinking such things.”

"Why can't you love your sibling instead of envying her?"

Jealous? They name it jealousy as if I birthed the envy in my own chest, as if they didn’t sow the seeds of longing and nurture them with their neglect. Did I write this script of pain? Am I the villain in my own story? Is it wrong to feel the ache of an invisible love, the kind given freely to another but withheld from me? Am I wrong for feeling this ache?, for noticing the difference, for questioning why i was never treated right? These questions loop endlessly in my mind, heavy as the silence that follows their denial. Every time I see them smiling together, I feel the tug—a reminder of a love that was never mine.

But am I wrong to feel this way? Perhaps not. For even the unloved have the right to ache. Even the unseen have the right to yearn. And maybe, just maybe, the fault isn’t mine to bear. The truth is simple: love is not a competition, yet they made it one. I didn’t lose because I wasn’t worthy—I lost because they never looked my way.

[bypatia]

gentle parenting my own parents #eldestdaughtercore

[vulturefan001]

misc

[just-a-queer-fanboy]

Wish I never told anyone so my parents would still love me lmao

[thatrandomblogsays]

Annabeth: I, a child, had to earn Thalia’s love, that’s how the world works! I have to earn my moms love. Love is transactional, you gotta be worthy of it first silly :)

Percy, listening to this on the train

[notherpuppet]

Alastor pulls the “we’re not so different; you and I” card 🤪

Don’t fall for it Vaggie!!!!

[monakisss]

the reverend family and harrow's childhood (based on htn)

[stars-obsession-pit]

“Mom, why do you think ghosts are intrinsically evil?”

“It’s what the science says, of course!”

“No, I mean like, what were the studies? What did they actually observe”

“Ohh, I get what you mean, Danny! Well across all reputable reports of encounters with the ghosts strong enough to matter, they’ve always attacked first and never responded to attempts at communication! There’s no reason for them to do that if they’re not evil!”

“Huh…”

…

Danny, learning about Ghost Speak and how humans can’t understand it: hmm.

Danny, learning that ghosts greet each other and bond by fighting: hmmm.

[sleepnoises]

watched the new mulaney* while folding laundry** and my observations are

it's exquisite to fold laundry to

it is 96% about rehab and addiction, 0% about wives old or new, 1% politics (jan 6th insurrection), 1% song about bo burnham

he cut the mention/impression of natasha lyonne at his intervention in favor of fred armisen (fool's decision)

he moved the dead grandparents bit to the start and i am still enchanted by the punchline "ask your mom if she thinks your dad's mom did a good job"

*i saw him last april weeks before the chappelle opening grevious fuckup and wanted to compare. i think he made at most $0.0001 off me from this viewing although netflix is not public with their bonus structures. thoughtcrime is of course unquantifiable

**i had like two months of laundry to fold

[campy-mccampface]

On the Fly Headcanons #3

—Nurse Leslie only became a nurse because it’s a tradition in his family to enter the medical field. His real passions are cars and writing. He and Slinkman bond over the former.

—Patsy dyes her hair pink; she’s a natural blonde.

—Even though Lumpus and Jane marry, they still live separately as before during summers while they’re still working. A lot of the campers keep forgetting they’re married (my reasoning is the show kind of did too🤭) and that reeeeeally makes Lumpus mad lol.

—Lumpus’ parents are still alive, even though they’re pushing 100. They’re frail but have all their marbles. Lumpus… stopped thinking about them once he was 60ish. When he received a phone call from his mother asking why they weren’t invited to his wedding, Lumpus thought it was a prank call and almost hung up. And that’s how he reconnects with them.

—No-neck’s real name is Jacques. He started going by No-neck because the campers kept mispronouncing it.

—Pothole McPucker died, …like, the same summer he and Jane almost married. (Bozo.)

—Manfred the ex-Navy turtle is still alive.

—Edward’s mom, Susan, bakes a mean lasagna and this is his favorite food. (Cue Ping Pong calling him Garfield.)

—Mort the pelican is Camp Kidney’s archery champion.

—Gordon the bear is petrified of caves. (It’s the stalactites.)

[7iffer]

Baby boy tiny bee baby

[anna-scribbles]

emma dupain cheng on the brain😽🎀

more:

[circusclownproductions]

seeing a lot of videos that are like “I didn’t know babies couldn’t have water” so here’s an incomplete list of things you need to know before having a baby

- the obvious, they can’t have water bc milk is incredibly high in water already so excess water leads to over hydration

- babies cannot have honey until 1

- if ur breastfeeding your kid and saving excess milk, make sure you label what you pumped in the morning vs at night bc your body produces different melatonin levels throughout the day and giving your baby daytime milk at night can make them more alert and fuck up their sleep schedule

- idk why ppl keep saying this but swaddling your babies or getting them those baby straight jacket things is not abuse. It chills them out cuz it reminds them of the womb

- babies have a dandruff like buildup on their head called cradle cap, and it’s very easy to deal with and remove with just some baby shampoo, a gentle scrub brush (MADE FOR BABIES!!) and a comb. It does need to be removed tho cuz it can be very painful after a while. This can also continue to happen late into toddlerhood it’s normal

- you have to clean out the creases of your baby’s skin and hands and feet they WILL collect dust😭😭

- you cannot bathe your baby until their umbilical cord naturally falls off. Use a warm damp rag until then

- tummy time is actually very important

- your baby might have a misshapen head at first (not all the time but sometimes) this will either sort itself out or they’ll need a corrective helmet ask your doctor

- I wouldn’t recommend having your baby leave the house very much until they’re at least 6 months old, especially if they’re born near cold and flu season cuz the common cold can kill a newborn

- you’re not an awful horrible person for having postpartum depression and it’s always a million times better to let your baby cry a few minutes longer than normal while you regain your composure than to freak out and give ur kid shaken baby syndrome

- you’re not an awful horrible person for giving your baby formula milk either

- don’t put shoes on your baby it’ll compromise their toe box and balance

- babies put every single thing in their mouths

- the easiest way to burp a baby is to hold them straight up (spine straight) and hold their head a bit higher

- always support their head they barely have necks

- if your baby fights away food, fights tummy time, vomits every single time you burp them, is gaining or losing an unreasonable amount of weight at a time, wheezes after eating, or goes red after eating, chances are they’re probably allergic to the type of milk they’re eating (again ask a doctor but these are just some signs it’s not just colic)

- they will wobble a lot when learning to do things but you gotta fight the urge to help them every single time cuz they gotta learn

- they’re not always spitting out baby food cuz they don’t like it they just don’t know how to eat. Like they don’t know how to push food down they only know how to stick their tongue out so be patient

- babies craniums are broken up into three parts at first that later fuse together, this is to help make birthing easier but it results in a small EXTREMELY sensitive spot in the top of their head that has no protection. This puts their brain at a high risk. Always protect their soft spot

- read to your baby!! Get cute bright colorful sensory books with sight words and read them to your baby it makes such a huge difference in their educational growth and will help them acquire a love for reading early on. And talk to them never shut up just say whatever comes to mind all the time this will strengthen their vocabulary growth also.

- babies poop like a lot. A lot. an unreasonable amount. Bring back up clothes and more diapers than you think

- no pillows or stuffies in the crib and only use a muslin blanket unless it’s especially cold to prevent suffocation

- babies kick reflexively until they’re out of their newborn scrunch (they stay womb shaped for a while) and if your baby is crying and pushing at the swaddle try letting them flail around for a minute

- consoling your baby is not spoiling them ! They need comfort and they will learn to self soothe on their own

- singing lullabies actually works, they can recognize your voice a consistent place of comfort from the womb and the cadence of lullabies is literally engineered to create a calm headspace

- for the love of god do not get boring ass beige toys. Colors are important for their neurological development

- babies are very responsive to praise from a young age so be as supportive of them as you can

- babies get constipated a lot and you have to do like tummy massages to help ease their pain the easiest way is to lay them on their backs and hold one foot in each hand, kick their feet like bicycles, scrunch up, and then stretch their legs out

- holding them on your hip too much will not cause bow legged-ness if your baby is bow legged that was always gonna happen

- they drool so so much and you have to get bibs for them so they don’t get chest eczema

- don’t use scented products on their skin cuz their skin is sooo much thinner than ours

- when your baby first starts sitting on their own never walk away from them without setting up a nest of pillows and blankets around them. Even minor head trauma can mess them up sometimes

- this one is kinda morbid and scary but sometimes babies just die out of nowhere and it’s no one’s fault or anything it’s called sudden infantile death syndrome(SIDS) and it’s about 1.3k deaths on average per year in America so not super common but still very real. 90% of these deaths happen during the first four months however edit: apparently it’s bc of an enzyme deficiency which at the very least you can take steps to try and prevent

- smoking and drinking during pregnancy WILL affect your baby and your breast milk and also might contribute to SIDS cases

- babies sometimes have a big red mark on them somewhere called a stork bite immediately after birth but typically it goes away

- babies can’t see very well for a while after birth and they’re VERY wobbly so they’ll typically bonk their head into your chest and face a lot while trying to support themselves

- female babies might have smth similar to a period the first few days after birth, this is because of the hormone transfer that happens during the birthing process and the days leading up to it

- male babies get random erections for the first few days after birth(hormone transfer again) literally do not be weird about this it’s a baby

- things like weaning your baby onto solid foods, potty training, weaning off pacifiers etc, can actually be directed by the baby and will happen naturally will minimal guidance from the parent(some guidance is still necessary) although I would do individual research into baby led weaning for food to prevent choking

- get those chewy feeding pouches to help with weaning

- the most random things will scare the hell out of your baby don’t take it personal 😭

- baby carriers are life savers (tulas are one of my favorites)

- once babies hit toddlerhood they’re tougher than you think, and a lot of their reaction is based on YOURS. they’re always going to be looking to you for how to react to a situation. Remain calm and if they’re ok they’ll calm down but if they’re genuinely hurt they’ll keep crying

- babies will most likely get ridiculously attached to an inanimate object and you have to keep this thing intact at all costs until they’re old enough to abandon it or they will throw a FIT. I got a lemur plushie from a zoo once and every single one of the kids has bonded their soul with it until about 6 years old and once a month I have to stitch him back up

- don’t compare yourself to other parents. Maybe your kid isnt getting grass fed wild caught north Atlantic cheerios but at least they’re fed. If your kid is alive and healthy and happy you’re doing a good job

- you will need 3 car seats, an infant seat, a grow with me toddler seat, and a booster seat

- getting a good diaper bag is a MUST

- the hair a baby is born with will most likely all fall out or they’ll get a bald spot on the back of their head where they sleep cuz their hair is so fragile and thin but once it grows back it grows back thick

- get like 20 muslin blankets so you always have a backup when the main ones are covered in spit up

- the babies grip IS stronger than yours (keep your hair up and keep pets away best you can)

- your best bet for your teething baby is a pacifier you can put your finger in so you can massage their gums and some chewing toys numbing cream can be dangerous and should be used sparingly

- go ahead and come to terms with the fact you’re gonna have to use a Frida Baby to manually remove snot

- babies can get hair and thread wrapped around their toes and fingers that can cut off their circulation try to make a habit of checking

- don’t hit your kid please it’s nothing but trauma and fucked up coping mechanisms from there pls empathize with your child they’re a person too

- be careful not to pull too hard on their arms and legs(like during play or holding their hand while they walk) and NEVER pick them up by their hands this will very easily cause dislocation

- they might have a little tooth like callous on their lip from their pacifier. This does not hurt them and it will go away but it may hurt during breastfeeding

- breastfeeding will make your boobs different sizes

Yeag that’s all I can think of rn but yk i Will add as I remember stuff ppl are also adding things I forgot in the tags in case you’d like to look thru that as well <3

[ciderjacks]

dad issues

+

(I think they were all fundamentally affected by what they saw and just collectively decided not to share the upsetting details)