#paranoia is gonna be the death of me

[strwbrydolli]

im so fucking paranoid its actually crazy😭

[validity-system]

The poopy smell is gonna be in your house soon oooOooOOoOoOoOo are you scared

-Scissors

[moe-broey]

My therapist hasn't killed me yet 👍

[quietwingsinthesky]

i just loved that the writers were like mark of cain dean slowly becomes more and more barbaric and inhuman as he can’t control this primordial, gaping wound in the form of an already healed over scar that has been borne by the devil himself and is in fact what made him the devil and therefore will make dean long and lust after maiming and ultimately murdering people with an urge stronger than any love or passion or resolution he’s ever experienced in his life And Also He’s A Huge Misogynist

well. TO BE FAIR. you have just kind of described dean when he is normal also.

[psychiatricwarfare]

yknow as fucked up as i am, at least my mom will admit she's a big reason why

[sanguineterrain]

This is not on the prompt list(s), but I’ve been inspired by the phrase “This is for your own good.” and could we have a debut Red Hood Jason saying this to Vigilante!Reader, who was also his pre-death lover, as he’s keeping her prisoner in one of his bases so that she won’t be caught in the crossfire?

OOH. interesting prompt. I haven't really written a darker jason 😏 thanks anon! hope you like.

jason todd x gn!reader. DARK THEMES. drugging, toxic relationship, codependency, chain restraints, knife threats (not from jason). what would happen if jason's best traits (protecting the people he loves, prioritizing safety) manifested in the worst way?

****

"This is for your own good, baby."

You pull at your chains, making them clink against the floor. You snarl as he steps back.

"This is crazy, Jason! Let me go!"

Jason looks at you in sympathy. It pains him to see you like this; Jason never wants to do anything that'll frighten or upset you. Your comfort and happiness always precede his. He'd put a gun into his mouth without hesitation if it would save you.

But he means it: this really is for your own good.

"I thought you were better than this," you say savagely. "I thought you of all people would understand how wrong this is."

"I know it's wrong," Jason says quietly. "I know I'm a bastard and fucked in the head. I know I don't deserve ya. But this is the only way. You won't stop going out there. You're too sweet for this city. It'll tear you apart, and I won't let that happen."

"That isn't your decision to make, Jason!" you say, squirming in your restraints.

You take a deep breath. The Bats only respond to logic when they're this deep in paranoia. You have to appeal to that.

"Jason, listen to me. I know you're scared of me getting hurt, but I know what I'm doing. I've done this for a long time, just like you—"

"And that's exactly where the danger lies. Things go wrong all the time, no matter how long you've been out there. I'm expendable. You're not."

Jason tugs once, twice, three times on your ankles and wrists. Satisfied, he moves on to the chain around your waist that's connected to the wall. It gives you a walking range of about five feet before you're yanked back. Jason had fussed about bedsores, and what keeping you in a bed would do to your range of motion. This was his compromise.

I'm not a monster, he'd insisted. I don't want to hurt you.

"Jason, please," you say. He starts to walk away and you chase him. The wall chain pulls and you land on your knees. Jason stops, looking down at you. You start to cry.

"Jason, please, please! Please don't leave me like this," you say, reaching with bound hands to grab his pant leg. "Please. This isn't right. I'm not a doll for your keeping!"

"I don't think of you as a doll," Jason says, kneeling in front of you. He holds your cheek and wipes a tear with a gloved thumb. "Oh, sweetheart, don't cry. Please don't cry. Hate to see it. I won't keep you like this forever. 'S just until I finish up in Gotham. Then we can go away from all this. Live normal lives."

"This is the life I want to live!" you shout, pawing at his clothes. "Let me go, Jason, let me go!"

"Baby. Hey, hey. You're gonna work yourself into a frenzy. Y'want something to calm you down? Make y'feel nice and sleepy."

Your blood turns to ice. No. No drugs. If Jason drugs you now, there's no telling when or if he'll stop. This is a man who was trained by Batman. You're sure he knows about every drug there's to know about.

You shake your head, your crying becoming quiet blubbering. "No. N-no drugs. Please."

He pets your forehead. "'Kay. No drugs, baby. 'S okay, see? I'll be back in a few hours and then we can eat and I'll draw you a bubble bath. Those are your favorite, remember?"

Jason kisses your salty cheek and stands, putting on his helmet. Like this, looming over you, in full Hood gear, Jason is terrifying. The reminder strikes you again, how capable and deadly your lover is.

Jason leans in and pets your cheek. "So pretty. Love you so much. Won't let anything happen to you, baby."

You watch, defeated, as Jason leaves, locking the door behind him. You listen for the sound of the lock clicking.

Then you get to work on finding an escape.

****

You keep your breathing silent as you wait. Your limbs ache from how long you've been crouched in hiding, but it doesn't matter. Nothing matters except escaping.

The door opens and shuts. Jason quietly removes his boots and helmet, surveying the apartment like always. He sets a plastic bag on the coffee table. The smell of Thai food fills the apartment.

"Baby? Hey, I'm home. Brought your favorite takeout."

You wait until he walks by your spot behind the TV. Then you strike.

You take Jason down to the floor with a move that only works due to your element of surprise. Then you hold a dagger to his neck, the cold metal pressed flat.

Jason regards you calmly, hands at his sides. You pant furiously, pressing the blade warningly.

"Let me go," you order. "I won't be chained up like that."

"I see," he says, and the way he says it is scarily reminiscent of Batman. You keep that to yourself.

"I mean it, Jason. You can't do that. I'll—I'll call someone on you. Bruce, Clark, Dick. Somebody."

"Alright." Jason holds up his hands slowly. You watch the movement, nerves raw. "Alright. 'S okay. Just breathe. You're upset, I get that."

"I don't—I don't wanna hurt you," you say, squeezing the dagger harder. Your hand cramps in protest. "But if you make me..."

Jason nods. "Yeah, baby. I know. 'S okay. We can fix it. 'M not mad."

"Don't talk to me like that," you snap. "I'm not stupid, Jay. Not stupid."

"I know, sweetheart. I know you're not stupid. I don't think you are. Y'wanna cut me? Feel like hurtin'?" He leans into the blade, breathing steady as a river. "Go on, honey. I heal quick. You need to do it, take it out on me."

The thought of hurting Jason makes you sick. For all of his misguided protection, he hasn't hurt you. Hasn't laid a hand on you or shouted at you. Every form of restraint is as gentle as possible.

"No," you say, voice wobbly. "I-I don't wanna hurt you. Please don't make me."

Jason strokes your arm with his thumb. "No, I won't. You'll never have to hurt anybody. And I'll never let you get hurt either. 'S okay. You're safe with me. 'S me, just Jay."

Jason's hand wraps around the wrist with the knife. You stiffen, and the blade slips. A thin line of blood beads on his neck. He loosens his grip.

"Okay," he says. "Alright. You're safe."

"I don't wanna be chained," you say, tears in your eyes. "I can't be chained. I'll go fucking crazy, Jason."

"I know. I'm sorry. We don't have to do chains."

Your heart hammers in your chest. But Jason is nothing but calm. Blood sluggishly drips down his neck. Your eyes widen.

"I'm sorry," you say, reaching for his neck. "I'm sorry, Jaybird, I didn't mean—"

"I know." He catches your hand. "Shh, shh. That's okay. 'S just a scratch. It was an accident, baby, that's all."

Tears fall down your cheeks. "I don't wanna hurt you."

"I know." Jason slips the knife out of your hand. He slides it away. You collapse into his embrace.

"I can do it," you say, sobbing. "I can go out there, Jay. Please just believe me. Please trust me. You trusted me before."

Jason cradles the back of your head. He slots you between his legs and rocks back and forth. You put your arms around him. His heart is an even thump against your ear.

Finally, you've gotten through to him. Jason isn't completely gone after all.

"Don't worry," he says. "Don't worry, 's okay. It'll all be fine. I know my mistake. I'll be better. It'll be better for us."

Something pricks your neck.

Hope sinks like a rock in your stomach. You squirm, but Jason holds fast, legs trapping yours. You whale on his shoulders with your fists. He holds your biceps, expression sorrowful.

"Baby—"

"No, you promised. You promised!" you scream. "You promised me!"

"It's just to soothe your nerves, honey. Please don't—"

You lunge for the knife, ready to do some serious damage. Jason tackles you before you can. He traps you on the floor, holding you down in a full lock. He holds your arms to your sides, and your legs are pinned to the floor. It's perhaps the gentlest restraint you've ever experienced. You scream and thrash, but it's no use.

"You monster! You're no better than any of them!"

"Sorry, 'm sorry," Jason says. No matter how much you fight, his grip won't budge. You've never been a match for Jason's strength or ability.

"I hate you! You don't love me!"

"I do, I do love you." Jason rests his forehead against your spine. "Christ, your life means more than mine. I won't lose you. You're the only one who matters."

His words are muffled. Your world is going fuzzy. The drug is kicking in.

"You promised," you say weakly, wiggling in one last attempt.

Jason tucks his face into your neck as you fall unconscious.

"I'll keep you safe," he says, lips on your neck. "No matter what."

[evilminji]

Oh god :Dc a Danny Summons Contract

No you guys DON'T UNDERSTAND-!

Just. Danny! Only Danny! He fucked up. Some ancient Warring States Ninja fucked up. They BOTH agreed to NEVER talk about it again.

Cause like? That ninja? Was a GROWN ASS MAN. A qualified BAMF of the highest order. He WAS the Danger, thank you very much. So, he? Will NEVER live down being saved by...well...

*holds up wildly struggling, noodle limbed, sad wet raccoon havin a terrible day lookin, meat thresher on legs*

THIS.

It's a BABY. Honestly, his Clan's TODDLERS know how to throw better punch. This scrawny infant baby child is both? His new son. AND an embarrassing trainwreck in motion. FFS kid, that's not how you- No! NO! Don't you DARE bite that opponent! You don't know where they've B-!

Kid they could have BEEN POISONED!!! Spit um OUT! DROP UM! Drop that RIGHT NOW! What are you? A dead Inuzuka? A god forsaken Hatake!? DROP IT!!!

It...sure is An Adventure™.

One of many early "here's how you DON'T make a Summoning contract" experiments, that Clans without seal masters were attempting. He's honestly lucky HIS attempt ended with him still... you know... ALIVE. Problem, though? After bunking for like... a few months? A year? In the command center?

And you know, terrorizing the GIW into complete collapse. Parenting him through some pretty serious life changes. Somehow making Sam MORE terrifying. And a whole host of off screen ninja shenanigans? They figure out? Oh. Only way to send him HOME is to either accept or refuse a Contract.

They gotta make one.

First they head to Frostbite for a recommendation, then? Off to a reputable Ghost Lawyer they go! They have to camp in the waiting room for like... a week. But? Worth it! The contract is AMAZING. And terrifying! Protects them both. Can't be used against EITHER. And that loophole you're thinking off? Ten pages worth of point 4 script, twenty three yards down, for why it's a BAD IDEA and breaks contract~!

Neither of them can make the other do SHIT! Only fully consensual, mutually beneficial, ass kicking here! If we FEEL LIKE IT!

Ninja dad insisted. Never sign a contract with anything less then extreme paranoia, kid! Leave no "implied" or "spirit of the rules"! Loopholes are holes in your armor, with which your enemy stabs you in the back!

Danny, tearfully, sends ninja dad home.

Gross. Emotions all over his armor. If only there wasn't all this sand in his eyes, he'd definitely complain about it. *stoic ninja hug*

Danny? Become a king. One of many. An Ancient. Becomes FUCKING HUUUUUUUUGE. Like? "Aw, your city is so pwecious~☆ n smol~♡! Whats it called again? New York?" Huge. A fuckin LEVIATHAN made of void, stars, and space ice. A Winter corpse, marked by lightning, that became the night sky itself. With a crown of aurora borealis, ever shifting, like flame.

Proportional, in a way, to Summon Bosses. Just as a normal human is to a normal toad, a normal cat, a normal slug. So too, is Danny LARGER then them.

You know... when he feels like it.

The contract? Passes down. Ninja dad does warn his kin. Prooooobably not gonna answer you. He only answers ME cause I'm, well, ME.

Fuckin BET. They declare. And lose. Repeatedly.

Time marches on. The Senju and Uchiha has their Drama. Dear KAMI do they Have Their Drama. Please Stop, says everyone. They... do not. The contract? Fuckin STOLEN. Because of course it is.

It's a HUGE, glowing, death radiating Summons Contract kept in a shrine behind like... SO MANY seals. It makes anyone less then a full grown JOUNIN physically SICK to even touch! Prolonged exposure kills people! Of COURSE it gets fuckin stolen. It's obviously a super, mega, ultra rare AMAZEBALLS Summon Contract... right?

Eeeeeeeeeeeh *so-so hand motion* KINDA!

It IS technically that.

They ain't wrong. Cause Danny IS an Adult now. A King. Connected to the Zone. An ANCIENT. Beyond and Above his mortal origins, even as, by being a Halfa, he is utterly the same. That contract is as close as one could GET to having a contract with the Sage himself.

You know... if he answered you.

Felt like your petty bullshit was worth getting up off the couch for.

Not to MENTION? He can make clones! Like.... billions of them now. Has a skeleton army. Is kinda one of the stronger Ancients. But that's not the point. The POINT? Clones. Don't have to be EQUAL facets of self.

You CAN make a .00001% clone of yourself!

Behold *summons poof noise* Lil Baby Man!

The harbinger of Danny! Here to Test Your VIBEZ™. He sends them each time. To be an adorable menace. Cause problems on purpose. Be gremlins, chew on table legs, maybe. You know, the works! They RADIATE his " I Am Death." Energy. But also his "winter, protection, and starlight" vibes... if you're brave enough to LOOK.

If you don't flinch away from a spirit of the dead. Can embrace the chaotic nature of a Zone ghost. Are kind to something that isn't what you expected, that you can USE, that appears weaker then you. Something that seems dumb. Distractable. Useless in battle.

Can you be kind? Do you immediately give up? To recognize a test when you see one? Is your first impulse cruelty? Distain? It tells Danny a lot. Saves him time.

Which? Is how a young Itachi, freshly Jounin'd, gets thrown through an old and rotting wooden gate into what LOOKS like a vaguely demonic death shrine. Hmmm, concerning. Baby 'tachi has been separated from his teammates. Is having a Bad Time™. The crows can't really help much here.

And, well, that IS a Summoning contract...

He's outnumbered. Low on both weapons and Chakra. Refuses to do anything BUT return home to his family. His baby brother. Is it WISE? No. It is in fact, incredibly, incredibly UNWISE. He has no idea what he'll be agreeing too. But... so long as he live just a bit longer...

He slams an earth wall against the entrance.

Falls back to the Glowing Contract.

Stumbles, as even landing near it makes his insides revolt. His skin prickle and burn. Colder then the nine tails Chakra, emptier, yet somehow endlessly more ABSOLUTE.

It's like the very Chakra in his body screams against it. Rejects it's mere presence. As though all thing alive REFUSE it with desperation and fear. He has no time to muse upon this. It hurt his hand to touch. He does so anyway. Struggling to hold the earthwall against enemy attacks.

He doesn't bother to read the contract. Flings it from the pedestal, to unravel, so he may sign quickly. There. With a practiced motion, he nicks his finger, and scrawls his future away. Whatever demons may come. Whatever monsters this brings. Please... let him live long enough to say goodbye.

The world CRACKS as he summons.

Death and the Shinigami are not the same.

Even those without the ability to sense are battered by the tsunami of... not killing intent. No. There is no intent. No killing. Just... knowing. Heraldry. That Death comes for us all. You can not escape. Foolish and small, is this what you waste your existence on? Ants before a god. Dust before the heavens. He... he can not... breathe...

Frozen. Eyes wide. Sharigan spinning, spinning, spinning. Capturing the delicate lace of nothingness, absence of life, as it drifts by. Unable to move from where he kneels, bloody hand pressed to the ground, in a Summoning.

What Has He Done?

Outside there is panic. Screaming. They flee. He... he wishes he could flee. W...why can't he-? *THHHWAP!* Mmmmph?! Something small and almost bird shaped smacks into his face like a flung ration. Tiny arms spread wide to cling to his bangs and dangle. The deathy power fades... almost... almost as though it were... a threat display?

He focuses on the tiny creature whining and hugging his face. It... is a floating snake toddler? Or is it dragon? They have sharp little claws and stars along their face, a tiny whispy mane of white. Likely a dragon child then. They stick their small tounge out slightly, eyes the blankly trusting stare of small children everywhere.

He clearly want to be carried. Ah. Of course, little one.

Did... did he agree to raise a dragon?

Just?

Itachi, smol. Serious. With lil baby man floped on his head or tucked lovingly in his arms. The TEXTBOOK definition of "he don't bite" "YES HE DO!!!" For everyone but Itachi and Sasuke. To whom he is, of course, an INNOCENT BABY who has NEVER done anything wrong EVER. An angel! Why is everyone being so MEAN to poor innocent baby man? Boo hoo~!

It fucks up SO MANY plans.

Because Itachi. A smol child. INSISTS he is a Father now. What are you going to do? Say he can be? Why? Because he's a CHILD? Which is it? Is he a Jounin or a Dependant? An adult in the eyes of the law or a child to be protected by said law from pushing him off to war? Old enough to die, old enough to parent his dragon son!

And SORRY Father, he CANT join Anbu. Who would be there for his child? Ah, he should join a parenting group. *various competent parent instincts go haywire over this tiny Uchiha child in need of parenting* Danzo? For some reason his son seems to really, REALLY hate him. Better avoid him. His child doesn't know yet not to bite respected elders.

Sasuke? Gets to be an UNCLE! To a DRAGON! He takes his job very seriously.

It's the best PR the clan has ever had.

@hdgnj @babbling-babull @hypewinter @nerdpoe @the-witchhunter @legitimatesatanspawn @lolottes @mutable-manifestation

[sil-te-plait-tue-moi]

My heart is a bloodhound!

PART 1 ★ PART 2

Quick summary: It happens again, when the year festers into August again and leaves the two of you raw and vulnerable like open wounds.

Word count: 15K… 🤓

Warnings: canon-typical mentions of death, violence and injury (there is mention of like eating people but idk); grief; misogyny; Rust's personality; semi-public SMUTT T-T (MINORS DNI); same level of pretentiousness, maybe a little more, as the first part.

A/N: Holy fuck this sucked the soul out of me (wish Rust Cohle would suck the soul out of I MEAN WHAT), i am super proud of this though!! Went through many iterations and this was the least shit! 🎀🎀🎀 This is technically part two to The idler wheel but can be read by itself too. May or may not write other things for this guy but for the time being, I need a cleanse 😭 BUT please please enjoy and please please interact, i love reading comments and so many lovely people commented on the first part, im gonna do my best to respond to any/all this time 🤘MWAH MWAH

***

It’s difficult to differentiate between the thrill of being left alone here with him and the slow-sinking dread of the implications of that.

With the return of the musk of the summer, those three ruthless, windless, unrelenting months that would seem to drag on for several lifetimes when I was a kid, the memory of where I was last year—and the year before that, and the one before that—hangs brightly in my mind. Stale, not quite dead – so bright. Crawling with mildew.

Stepping into the bar had felt like entering another dimension. Maybe it was the suits that gave it away – every single God-haunted patron—the truckers, the farmers, even the old dog lying at a man’s feet—had turned, sensing foreigners as acutely as the immune system registers a bodily threat. I knew Johansson felt it: that dark pull over the back of the neck. But under Marty’s overconfident, swaggering lead, that winning smile, we soon assimilated. Skin swallowing a bullet.

God forbid you ever leave the town you grew up in. Shame on you if you don’t, though. How sanctimonious of me to change my mind and return after earning a spot amongst the lucky few escapees.

Something in this place still irks me.

At least, in Brooklyn, there was always noise: cries of a baby in the apartment over, the discord of traffic bursting through the streets below, the rush of a crowd, the overlap and slur of private conversations. At least the badness would stare you right in the face; at least people were evil to be evil. At least there were corners where things could hide, where it made sense for shadows to exist: all to explain the paranoia that stalked me.

But here?—it seems so open. Like, if a rare, hot wind would blow through a Louisiana town, it could do so in one straight path, through walls, through people, without ever getting disrupted. Everything is so light in the blazing sun, you can practically hear it: the hum of rays passing over every surface. Nothing should be able to hide. And, at night, with no sun, no rays, there is no noise. Maybe a dog. And ghosts. But perhaps it’s just the area in which I live. 

When Marty started drinking, flirting with the twenty-one-year-old barkeep, Johansson’s face had stiffened. He himself had never even touched a bottle of beer – devil stuff. We shared a look once the blond detective started gabbin’ like an idiot.

“Know what Maggie thinks?” he had laughed, slumping over the sticky table of the booth, big, sweaty palm choking out his drink. “She thinks you might be pissed at me.”

Johansson blinked hard to keep his nose from wrinkling, but, even then, he couldn’t keep from physically cringing away. “Who?” he asked, confused by those hazy, unfocused eyes.

Marty cracked a toothy grin – there was that slight gap between those front two, which had been charming at first and only managed to thoroughly disgust me now in moments like these – and pointed his finger right at me, accusing. “You.”

My stomach churned dangerously at the sight of him.

“Marty,” his partner had drawled, a low warning.

Waved away like a fly.

“Naw, it’s like—you’re on your high fuckin’ horse or somethin’.”

The words were spoken through a laugh, but I knew there was meat behind that so-called good mood. He was one of those people that tended to overcompensate. A mistake, an ill feeling. He liked to point out how I was alone, and often, too, poorly disguised as a passing joke, complete with one of those shit-eating grins that seemed to come so easy to him.

Shouldn’t he have been happy? Not only had he gotten our case, by then, but we’d handed it over with smiles on our damn faces. Nice enough to walk them through the original crime scene, introduce them to the key witnesses. Complicated. We didn’t have to do shit for ‘em, but we did. Hell, even that beer he was clutching to his chest was paid for out of the goodness of my own fuckin’ heart. Who was he to moan about the situation? He was the one who insisted on staying in the middle of butt-fuck nowhere, brushing off any and all pointed questions on whether his family would be missing him at dinner.

“You know, I’d rather you were pissed,” he continued, where, really, I should have just smothered him into silence.

Rust was staring into the side of his flushed face, iron-grey eyes like a drill, like he was thinking the same thing.

“Look, you’re smilin’ at me now, but I sure as hell don’t trust it, buck. You wanna bite my head off, don’t ye?”

Like I ever could have done that.

Though the familiar weight of rage curdled in my chest, I would never admit it to the likes of Martin Hart. When he got like this—jealous, insecure, whiny—I wondered whether it was just a temporary lapse, or if this him, this true him, just lay under the surface all the time.

It wasn’t that fucking hard to plaster on a smile and take what you fucking got – I did it all the time. He could dream of a different life, but this was the one we were dealt. Fact that his grown ass hadn’t accepted that by now twisted violently in my gut. Between the two of us, I was the one that knew this – so why did he get myfucking case?

In my head, I’d let Salter have it, too. How could I ever admit I had an ego? How could I ever admit I had a mind to wrench the teeth out of the sheriff’s fucking gums? 

But I have plenty of practice acting like things don’t bother me, which is why it was so easy to plaster on my amiable smile and laugh, “C’mon, man, you know it’s only ‘cause o’ the workload.” Not that you could comprehend that, lazy fuck. To Marty, my kind’s natural state was amiable—anything otherwise would be a defect—so I’d expected to convince him. “You’ll do right by it, ‘m sure.” 

If he were sober, I know he would’ve bought it – he could convince himself that the way of the world was right and I was only being sweet to be sweet, because he deserved it. 

But Marty was drunk. Piss-drunk, loud drunk. His mind was clumsier than usual, unable to muster the energy to jump points, ignore the evidence, like he did daily. I hoped I had the power—if I had to let the case go, I wanted to at least retain an into its goings-on—but there was only one way to really have power over men like Marty when they were drunk, and I had had no interest in being one of his girls. 

My partner twitched beside me, picking at some spongy, yellow fluff protruding from a thin split in the chocolate-brown fake leather of the booth. He was just as furious as I was beneath his fort of calm.

Marty took a swig of his beer. “She wants you over soon. Maggie. Barbecue or some shit.”

“Maybe you should go home,” Johansson interjected, sharper than intended. If I were him, with his body, with his life, I’d have hit the fucker—long time ago, too. I couldn’t, but Johansson wouldn’t. He didn’t lack the temperament for brutality—I’m not sure anybody does—but, rather, couldn’t justify it to a necessary degree in his head. “I’m going home,” he’d reasoned kindly – he made it sound so easy. “Just let me take you. It’s on my way.”

Itching to leave, to return to the comfort of his wife and his little daughter. Marty had always found Johansson’s fondness of them disingenuous, had disliked my partner as long as they’d worked in the same office. He complained to me once that none of his stories seemed complete. When I asked him what he meant by that, he couldn’t answer—but I knew.

Breath short in my chest, I had half-expected Marty to lunge over the table, scratch Johansson’s eyes out. Only, Rust leaned over, dipping his head down to mutter something quietly into his partner’s ear, which was all flushed red. 

And then he went willingly into Johansson’s car, stumbling through the still, open night into the backseat.

My partner had squeezed my shoulder goodbye – I’m not sure why I didn’t leave with him. Now, I was doomed to leave with Rust. 

There, he sits across from me, smearing the ashy tar of his half-smoked, flaking cigarette over the mottled glass ashtray dragged over to his side of the table, little circles, waves, absent-minded art. Has me transfixed, some hypnotist.

If I look down like this, if I sacrifice the opportunity to look at him, I earn his careful attention: this sits in the back of my idle mind. I’ve been taking advantage of it more and more since summer broke through the sweetness of spring, which has since curdled like milk, sour. His stare drags over my face like fingers – I can almost feel his touch pressing into the softness of my cheek, dragging over the ridge of the orbital bone. 

“You’re okay?” he asks after a couple slowed heartbeats, pulling me out of the honey-pit of my thoughts.

I dart my eyes up, breaking the spell – his observation retreats, clouds, and drifts away to fix on the broken clock on the wall, the one that reads one forty-five at eleven o’ clock.

Primarily, his question irritates me. Nobody asks “are you alright?” imploringly, not unless it concerns themselves and their own wants. Salter had asked me that, right after telling me he was pulling me from my case, and, then, I had thought about crying, just to unsettle him. But what good would that have done? He’d only asked “are you alright?” to test the waters, to see if there was a future possibility of letting him pull the rug out from under me with zero consequences. Again. I couldn’t win. 

But Rust doesn’t want much from me. He doesn’t even want the case, really, which just twists the knife even further. 

“You—you know I’m good in there, right? In the box.” I carve a jagged thumbnail into this message in the table, twisting the characters wider, or taller, risking splinters.

Why should I have to give it up? And to a fucking idiot? Marty wasn’t the one who stayed all those late nights alone at the office, wasn’t the one scoured over heaps of files under low light, wasn’t the one who took the fucking beating when the suspect fought against arrest. Marty was not the one who conducted an interview like that.

My mouth thins into a hard line, but I know the words will come out whether I let them voluntarily or not. Around Rust, it’s that way. I should’ve left when I could. 

“It’s just that—it was so weird,” I continue, my head pulsing with the unwanted memory of that cabin. Marty didn’t have to experience it, Rust didn’t have to experience it—but I did. “Not jus’ wrong, or sad. Makes me feel strange, thinking about it.” 

Often, the suspects underestimate me. Johansson’s broad shoulders and tough-set jaw come off as offensive—nothing like my voice, low and gentle, and my eyes, sympathetic and warm. I’m the mother who will never judge, who is spilling over with unconditional love.

Beneath this, though, I am good at the maths of the job, the connections. Though all detectives technically develop the same constituent skills—close attention to body language tells and other biological betrayals—I ain’t sure most understand the sensitivity and strength required to confront shit like this head-on. To not avert your eyes at the mutilated woman on the bed. To inspect her eunuched boyfriend’s severed appendage, to have steady hands when photographing the scene—with flash, of course, to highlight every detail with sufficient clarity—for evidence, which must be returned to and examined again and again, each time with greater fervour still. 

I could name a few who’d joke about a thing like that, to ease the burn of that image in their heads, to sleep better at night, to leave behind the uninvited, vicarious sensation of a knife teasing over the meat of their dick. 

But the boyfriend’s corpse, we eventually located separately in a cabin in the woods, laid into the basement freezer, so peaceful, such a brutal image. Pretty parts of him preserved for mauling.

And Salter has the fucking audacity to take it away. He wasn’t the one to see something like that, to feel sick to his very stomach, to gag and have to turn away, to cringe and writhe like his skin suddenly wasn’t his, like he ought to pick himself out. I’ve been reeling with that image for weeks, living with motion sickness, and have been denied the relief of vomiting. 

“So, you need me to get that confession.”

Rust comes back into focus, perfectly still.

I nod, the back of my neck prickling with mean goosebumps. “Campbell, his DNA was all over the bodies. He was proud of it, even.” My ribs still glow with the phantom-sensation of his brutal kick there when we located him. Stomach clenching, I struggle to remain level. “But there ain’t no way in hell she wasn’t involved. He denies it, but the house is registered under her name. Maiden name, Phelps.”

“I read,” he confirms. 

I tremble in frustration – I almost wish he hadn’t. 

“It’s just—this lady’s tough.”

Eyes darting over to the dim-lit bar, scouring the scuffed hardwood floor, I can feel my face growing hot with indignation. Christ, it sounds pathetic, like a whiny kid insisting on continuing a task all wrong in order to protect their damaged pride. 

“You know Johansson: once she starts with the tears, he can’t see past ‘em. Southern manners ‘n’ all: a crying woman is a delicate thing not for a man to understand but to comfort. But, with me, it ain’t the same. She doesn’t respect me.”

“What d’you mean ‘respect ’? Don’t need respect in this game.”

I scoff, which would’ve been a dire mistake with anyone else. “Y’wouldn’t know what I’m on about,” I tease through an easy smile, though I’m not feeling so funny at the moment.

He inclines his head down to me, an invitation to elaborate.

My boot feverishly taps against the floor, thrumming light like a jackrabbit on the run. 

I sigh, mouth twisting. “She keeps asking me if I’ve slept,” I confess. “Says I look like her daughter.”

For all my mothering, here comes a perp who’s desperate to play me at my own game.

I can see how intelligent she is: some hollow glint in her eyes with nothing behind; past that gleaming screen of kindness, something black, like a cherry pit.

Sitting across from her, it felt like looking into a mirror. Not just physically—though her skin is a similar shade to mine, her nails bitten and splitting like mine, and she looks close to what I imagine my own mother could’ve grown into. It was in the way that, when I smiled, she smiled. When I took a sip of my coffee, she would drink some tea. At times, it would even seem like she would speak in my voice: the pitch, the intonations, the phrasing all far too similar. I was reluctant to tell her my name. It reminded me of this folk tale, of these tall, dark creatures who only required your name to speak like you, to look like you, to replace you in your own life. Its victim would die—in some way or another. Wander the woods, eaten alive.

A harrowing feeling had crept over me, winter pressing against the two-way mirror – I was sure Johansson, on the other side, would pick up on it. Only, when I confessed my worries to him, he’d given me this doubtful look, and I really wasalone then.

“She’s playin’ you,” Rust states simply, tracing his fingers over his mouth like some pseudo-cigarette. 

“Yeah.” I grind my teeth together. Under the table, where he cannot see, my fingers curl into a tight fist, trembling with my secret violence. “And now Salter wants Marty to have it? Bull.” 

I should’ve socked him right in his dumb, slack fuckin’ jaw. One day, I will. 

“He don’t want Marty to have it,” Rust retorts smartly, a half-smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. His eyes are warm in the dark – I should’ve taken my chances, raced to meet ‘em, but I’m too late. “He wants me to have it.” 

Yeah, well, I wish what was mine would stay mine.

Even if I’m inclined to be pissed off at Rust by proxy, I just can’t be. The difference between him and Marty is that he actually pays attention, real attention, not the selfish kind. Just by watching, I can tell he knows exactly what he could say, how he could act, in order to appeal to somebody��which is why I find it so odd that he chooses not to. I sacrifice my damn dignity to keep myself palatable. He does not. As a result, he is not well-liked at the office – people tend to feel caught out by him; they don’t like to feel observed, known.

When did being seen become a threat? I thought it was intimate. Though, I suppose, a piece of shit never wants to believe they’re a piece of shit.

Everyone’s the hero of their own story. 

Rust slides Marty’s half-empty beer across the table to me, which I receive with a crooked smile and a quick hand.

“Sure I won’t catch whatever he had?” 

He shrugs. “Y’ain’t as deadbeat as the rest of ’em. Oughta drag you down to their level.” 

I snort. “What, you don’t think you’re deadbeat?”

He huffs. “I’m worse.” 

Bitter, the beer washes over my tongue, leaves that funny aftertaste I never really liked, not the first time, not the last. I don’t suppose I’ll ever turn one down though, not if it was offered to me: I’d accept it if only to win points with whoever it was, points I could spend at a later date. 

“Maybe,” I start, “if you were a little more deadbeat, you’d be popular. Go out with the boys.”

When he meets my eyes momentarily, smirking, I have to grip my hand over my knee, fingertips digging into bone, and consciously remind myself via mantra not to let my face freeze. He hums, voice smooth and low like liquor, “What, like youdo?”

I should be pissed off, really. Maybe I will be. Instead, though, I choke on the smart retort I had meticulously configured in my head, some quip that would’ve maybe interested him based on what caught him before. 

I don’t know whether it would have been worse pretending like it never happened. That’s my strong point: pretending. It’s his, too, when he wants it to be. Maybe we could’ve outlasted it – all we needed was stamina.

But, instead, it’s this. Looking across at each other and knowing exactly what’s going on in the other’s head. I can see exactly how he thinks of me, what he wants to do. When he tilts his head ever so slightly, my neck glows with a promise, like the movement was mine in the first place. When I would bite at the pendant of my necklace, he used to narrow his eyes, like he ought to yank the chain off my neck. But now, he looks on softly, so unlike him, his own fingers at his own lips. I know what it feels like – I’ve kissed him there, too. 

“Don’t give me that. At least Geraci would stop shit-talkin’ ye,” I manage, tearing myself away. “Swear he’s stuck at sixteen or somethin’. But—you don’t mind it, do you?”

He shakes his head. “‘f he was smarter, maybe I would. Jus’ likes the sound of his own voice.” 

The clock has replaced me as his focal point – I can’t help but feel jealous. 

“S’why I like you,” I mumble from behind my beer. “First time I met you, I thought you’d make me feel stupid.

That seems to get him. 

He blinks, a barely noticeable twitch. “Do I? I don’t mean to.”

Can I spin this? I’m sure, if I were a little more awake, I’d be able to spin this. 

Some evil part of me hopes to make him feel guilty, to trick him into feeling tenderness for me, though I know the pursuit of that would be in vain. The type of men I know how to work—creatures of habit that take the exact path you want them to, to believe that they’re the real seducers—Rust seems entirely separate from that. He can sniff out rehearsal and practice, that robotism, like a dog – he sees it enough in criminals, doesn’t he? That’s why he’s called in for favours across state police departments.

When I met him the first time, I shook his hand, smiled, friendly-like, only to be met with rigidity and stoicism. No trouble, of course: some people just are that way. Wild horses on the highway. But his quietness?—now, that had set alarm bells off in my head. Boys at the precinct were loud – you couldn’t pay ‘em to shut up about their weekends, their football, their college years, their fuckin’ yards. When I was first exposed to it, I thought I’d gain a lot of friends. But then I realised they weren’t so much talking with me as they were talking at me. It’s why they’re so easy to read: they just tell you everything you want to know right off the bat. Even their secrets are bursting at the seams of their fat mouths, begging to be released. 

But Rust?—doesn’t talk until he finds it necessary. It’s impressive. Before that, though, the trait was enviable. I had—have—no comparable method. Even though, at first, it can seem blunt, even cold, his eloquence is refreshing. Never running in circles – only determinedly forward. So intimidating, almost like a freight train – I have to consciously keep myself from jerking back and out of the way. 

How low he must really think of me then, to see me like this. And I know he does: he sees. Everything I might have done to prevent it perhaps even had the opposite effect. I hate, I burn, I curse: it’s ugly. I cry over cases I would’ve left behind in two months tops, anyways, onto the next. I obsess over just another woman in the box. I think about him almost constantly. 

“You don’t,” I mumble, wondering if I ought to be wishing myself far away. “Make me feel dumb, that is. Not me. Others, I can’t speak for.”

We’ll have to leave soon – no doubt, this local bar is used to slow days and early nights, a blissful routine rudely disrupted by two outsiders who haven’t even really shown them good business. I glance over at the barkeep, slumped over the scuffed wooden counter and flatly watching the football up on the boxy TV set, and I recall my first job. Then, too, I’d let men twice my age buy me drinks, flirted with them. Was worth the tip money. 

Rust hums, though I really wish he wouldn’t speak at all. “Don’t pay mind to what Marty said.”

My neck prickles. 

He’s not trying to console me, is he? No, that’s not like him. Besides, it’s not like any amount of coddling could reverse the merciless truths I’m constantly reminded of in this line of work – if I’ve learned anything about sympathy, it’s that it doesn’t fix shit. If anything, it’s just another complication. It can seem beautiful, but, really, it isn’t. I can miss it, miss its warmth, miss the kind, sweet nothings my husband would whisper into my hair on the hardest nights, but it never changed the fact that I would have to get up in the morning and do it again. Rust knows this, has maybe lived this, so he’s not trying to console me. 

Maybe he’s trying to defend Marty.

Sharp and sure, that anger comes lurching up in my throat, slashing and snarling. 

The sensible part of me—what I hope is the larger part of me—knows this is not possible. Rust understands Marty’s faults better than anyone, even himself, even his wife. 

“Thing is,” I mumble bitterly, “he really means it, don’t he? He just don’t show it.” I trace the warm, smooth rim of the bottle with a light finger, though my mind is currently toying with the idea of jamming it violently down the opening. “Maybe it means more that he does keep it hidden – at least some part of him knows it’s wrong.”

Placid in the periphery of my vision, Rust shrugs. “‘s what separates us from our killers. Feelin’ it ain’t the problem. Resistance is where strength is tested.” 

“Ego,” I chuckle darkly. 

He hums. “Fragile ego.”

Underneath my smile lies an uneasiness stirred by his criticism.

Rust is not gentle with his opinions – I don’t suppose that’ll ever change. Resistance is a losing game – not even he is immune to the impermanence of these things. I’m sure he said that to me once, on a night like this. 

I’ve never been very good at refraining from things. Even from an early age, I just couldn’t say no. Teenage years: alcohol, drugs, sex. If it was tossed my way, I’d take it, anything I could get, hungry to experience something. 

Ha!—maybe I actually am more like Marty Hart than I’d like to admit. He’s trying to be an adult, albeit really, really poorly. As long as he believes he’s a good, family man, then his reality is protected. But I know I’m rotten, really. One of the boys at the precinct will call me pretty—in that sick way somewhere between the unchecked lust of a man and his paternal right to claim—but, below, I know I’ve got sickness swimming through my veins. Not blood. Something accumulated over the years, maybe from pretending all the time. 

I feel like I want to cut things, break them. Told myself to hang on until I retire, but I don’t see that happening any time soon. I’ll break. What will Rust think of me then? 

Maybe I was his low point: that fault in resistance. 

Some awful, gnawing feeling collects at the pit of my stomach, like black tar. Must be all those cigarettes. 

“Wha’s in that head?” he probes suddenly, stealing razor-sharp, fleeting glances.

I shrug, swallowing down a bout of nausea. “I dunno.” And I really don’t. Behind the surface tension, I don’t know what I feel, only that I do, and it’s so, so much. “It kinda—makes me happy to see him like that: jealous. ‘Cause he knows I’m good, and he’s wondering why he’s finishing what I started. He knows he don’t deserve it. Not like I do.” 

My confession lingers in the air like smoke – I have mind to reach a hand up and wave it all away, or suck it down, deep, erasing reality. Fuck. I’ve always been a little off when reading into Rust’s quiet – with that tightrope he seems to have mastered, I know I should avoid any step at all—it could just as easily miss its mark—but I can never seem to help myself. 

I stare at him—and I think it makes him uncomfortable, though there’s nothing there, not any normal human reaction, in his face for me to draw from. That’s fine. In my gut, I’m pretty sure I’ve got it down.

“You want to be seen as competent,” he finally says, a simple-enough statement. 

I scrunch my nose up distastefully. “No, I want to be competent.”

“Well, what good is bein’ somethin’ if there’s no-one there to witness it?” 

Unable to press down an exasperated sigh, I close my eyes, roll them with all the subtlety I can manage.

Foul words push under my tongue, like vomit. 

I don’t know if I’m in the mood for this tonight: smart conversation. What feels like debate. Maybe if he hadn’t been given my case, I’d take him up on the challenge, but I’ve already lost. 

I eye him, try to figure out his game. 

“I dunno, Rust,” I tell him flatly. “I think that’s called having an identity issue.”

He cocks an eyebrow. “Most people do.”

My chest burns. “This isn’t a go at me, is it?”

Slow, he draws the ashtray towards him from across the table, as if the grind of the glass against the wood is a noise that ought to be savoured. 

I could be deaf, but reading his lips would be easy: “And how’d this be about you exactly?” 

I’m able to fight off the initial instinct to wince, the way in which he delivers the words, calm and deliberate, stinging like a slap to the face. What’s worse is the growing impression that he’s as bored of me as I am. 

With a furrowed brow, I watch him, heartbeat thrumming in my ears. 

“I ain’t out to get you, s’you can quit lookin’ at me like I kicked you or somethin’.”

Frowning shallowly and trying to pretend like I’m not, I glance away and commit to rearranging my face—but at the glimpse of that twitch at the corner of his mouth in my periphery, I know I’m only digging a deeper grave for myself. The noticeable heat of my embarrassment must please him.

Playing with the food. 

And I’ve got nothing to say to him—not a single word or phrase up to par, nothing to measure up to Rust’s clinical detachment, let alone destabilise him. He might’ve been reciting the coroner’s report. There’s nothing I can say to scathe him—and fuck, I want to leave a mark, prove to him that I can. I scan him for weakness, but either I’m still too stunned to see it or there is none. I have no plan of attack and no line of defence. 

Rust seems to soften in the knowledge of this. 

“I mean,” he begins, knowing now that I’m really listening, “identity ain’t fixed – it’s not permanent. I don’t scrutinise my appearance. I don’t mind my body, and my body don’t mind me. My personality hardly feels under my control – ‘s just somethin’ that is and will be—‘n’, I guess, will change, but only against my will, never because of it. Feels pointless to feel insecure about that.”

Is this supposed to be some fucked-up attempt at advice?

My priorities changed, but this place never has, never does, never will. So, it’s all dumb and the people are dumb and this bar is dumb and the boys at the precinct are dumb and, fuck, I wish Rust were dumb, too. I feel pathetic, and he does not alleviate that feeling at all. If he were dumb, I could laugh at him and make myself feel better. I could laugh at myself for sleeping with a dumb man. Instead, I think of him religiously and crave his approval. Afflicted with the knowledge that he needs to be corrupted to want me, that I’m awful enough to want it enough to corrupt him again. Tainted waters. It would be so much more comfortable if I could look down on him.

My skin writhes and ripples, and I know the only thing that would soothe it is if he touched me. Jesus and the sick man—or some polluted version of that.

My world swings under a bout of nausea as it begins to spiral – the beer does not help. 

Maybe he’s waiting it out, like I’m trying to. Forgetting is the wisest decision anyone could make, the most fortunate outcome. Though, my efforts are paradoxical: I think so, so much about not thinking about it all. 

“Sure seems like y’think about yourself a good deal, too, s’don’t you criticise me,” I mumble, clumsy. It’s a mistake to even open my mouth again – he’ll use it all against me eventually. 

Rust hums again, low, some muscle twitching in his jaw, like his body has no clue what to do when not blindly occupied with a cigarette. “Never said I don’t think about myself,” he rectifies, staring at the sweaty palms I’m wringing together tightly against the lip of the table. 

I allow my mouth to pool with saliva, trying to combat the increasing dryness of my mouth. 

“Guess the thinkin’ part is where insecurity comes from in the first place,” I add after swallowing.

When my eyes dart up to look at him, his are on my throat.

Immediately, I look away.

Maybe this is the bad kind of intimacy.

The intensity of his attention is looming, sifting through my thoughts like sand.

Sometimes, I think he has me figured out but just couldn’t care less about what he’s found. He’s feeling the power of my burning desire for him – maybe it amuses him. Maybe he’s waiting to mechanise it, letting me sit idle while a use for me finds him (if ever). Maybe I know things. Maybe I can break things open. Maybe he can take my cases from me. Maybe I can tire him out, put him to sleep. 

It’s almost worse that he hasn’t put me to work yet. 

Maybe it really was just something in the water. Maybe all I need is to visit somebody close to me. 

“Ever heard o’ that theory? ‘bout internal monologue?” Rust asks softly, leaning in and tipping his head down like only I’m worthy of hearing this here. 

My leg jerks and I can’t place why. I nod, face hot. 

“I think ‘s bullshit—‘bout some not having one. Think everybody’s got that voice in their heads.” He pauses, squints. “Mm, maybe that’s a little generous.” 

I laugh – I hope it makes him feel good. In truth, I know he couldn’t care less. 

“What d’you think it’d be like? No voice.”

The world seems so close right now, wrapping its fuzzy arms tight around us, buzzing in my ears, shadows fur-soft over my face. What does he want me to say? I wish he’d tell me, offer me respite. 

I shrug, and it’s honest, my resignation. “No voice don’t mean no thought.”

“Alrigh’. Then, what about no thought?”

I shrug again. “I like thinking.”

He huffs, angling himself back away from me. Have I disappointed him? Somewhere deep in the pit of my tummy, there’s that fleck of worry, something that tastes an awful lot like vomit. 

I expect him to finally stop talking. 

But “I get tired of it,” is what he says instead. “In between cases, or these—moments where I feel like I could burn a hole through myself ‘f I spent ’nough thought on it. ‘s heavy, like they weigh me down.” He pushes the ashtray away, his fingers the only part of him moving. 

Swept up in the rising tide of your own life, hurting around you in some never-ending circle or spiral of which you happen to be the centre. Swimming with black-eyed angels. I know how he feels – I used to feel that way. Maybe I still do, sometimes. Clinging on to the tenderness my husband used to have for me like it could save me from the guilt I would feel when I moved on. No-one would pull me out: that much was true enough. That memory of stability, of the good times, only depressed me, moving from Brooklyn back to Louisiana. Feeling small in my own life, like a piece on a chessboard, with no semblance of control, only duty, chasing this idea of who I used to be. Hunting down the bad men, wondering what upper hand is driving them across the squares, contemplating the carpenter that fashioned the pieces. Too big of a big picture can be detrimental. The fact that I know this to be true doesn’t make me an exception. 

“I think you’re tired of the things you think about,” I muse, a headache beginning to expand between my temples – perhaps the heat has finally gotten to my head. “Space better occupied by other shit.” 

I’m careful not to pay attention to Rust’s reaction, if there even is one, since the weight of his interest is pressing over my face where I really wish his lips would.

“Like what?” he challenges. 

His eyes glint with curiosity, a blade’s sharp edge. 

I bite my tongue. 

“You think you know me?” It’s more a statement than a question.

I shrug. “You think you know me, don’t ye?”

Though, he kinda does. I think he’s proud that he can read me, but maybe that’s me overcomplicating things. Maybe I’m just another person to him. I wonder if he thinks I’m predictable. Boring, negligible, painfully average. Good for one thing, and that one thing was a mistake, anyway. 

Look at him, now: his eyes have dropped to elsewhere, but there’s a soft smirk that curls up on his face, the hint of a pink tongue that traces lightly over his teeth. 

Geraci always talks shit about that look whenever Rust closes yet another case, securing a tough confession. “So fuckin’ up ‘imself, ain’t he? Jesus.” Sure, he pisses me off—for different reasons. I’ve long since come to the conclusion that he’s worthy of admiration. 

He smiles to himself – I don’t trust it. “You’re calling me arrogant.”

“Are you?” I press, gnawing at the inside of my cheek. I’m surprised at the tepidity of my voice, considering how I’m covered in boils and burns in my head. 

He doesn’t have anything to say to that, only hums in response, seemingly amused. 

“Doesn’t have to be a bad thing,” I murmur. “People are scared of bein’ known, so nobody really tries no more.”

“I don’t observe people for intimacy purposes.”

Then why does he fucking look at me like that? 

A year ago, I’d have put it down to my own desires warping my perception of reality. Really, he wasn’t interested; he was only paying me my due amount of scrutiny in order to keep his mental file of me up to date. Really, he didn’t want to touch me; really, he was just someone who fiddled with his own hands, maybe to remind himself that he could be his own from time to time. Lust is such a dangerous thing – any deeper than surface level, and it has the very strong potential to kill you. If you want something against your better judgement, do you really even want it? The haze of having Rust come so close to me is dampened by such doubts.

But at this point, he either wants me, or I’m crazy. Shit, maybe I’d rather be just that. I’ve seen his eyes like this—dark and bottomless—when hands were unzipping my skirt, or dragging over my skin. To deny intimacy? Now that’s arrogance. Anddelusion. Shit, and I thought he was so above all that stuff. Does he think I can’t figure him out?

Surely his opinion of me can’t be that poor. 

My hand cramps up as I punch down the instinct to pinch the bridge of my nose. 

“Sure you do,” I press. And I’m right. I hope I’m right. 

His stare thickens into something different, what I think might be a black, molten form of gratification. Then, it hardens, cools in a split second into these tough, jaw-breaker pellets. I’d say it was confrontational, but then his eyes flutter just as he happens to swallow thickly. Is that his pulse in his throat? 

I rub at my puffy eyes with a stiff set of fingers.

Rust drops his eyes, brushes his hand over the side of his blazer where his cigarettes are sitting warm and ready beneath. 

“What, you—lonely again or some shit?” he asks. 

I almost recoil at the sudden bitterness of his tone. 

I snort good-heartedly, but, really, the comment stings just right—he knows where to press—all the breath knocked out of my chest. “O-kay, Rust. That an accusation?”

“No. ’S an observation. Thought you jus’ loved those,” he combats flatly.

Chest burning, I have to save myself, jump ship, and look away. My mouth tastes like grainy bile. 

“You were lonely last summer. That’s why you came to me.”

The dim light above us flickers, his face phasing in and out of shadow before me like a candle in the wind. 

I roll my jaw. 

Does he look back on it with disdain? 

“No,” I snap instinctively, instantly burned by the satisfaction that crosses his eyes. 

My breath hitches plaintively. Every fibre of my body trembles and burns to defend myself. There’s not a single word that could repair his opinion of me.

“Or—yeah.” Shut up. 

I rub at my temple, desperate for relief – do they have pills for this shit? – which does not come. If he feels any pity for me, it certainly doesn’t show. 

The harsh line of my mouth trembles. “I just thought you understood me. Or made an attempt to, at least, but maybe that part was self-projection. ‘Cause nobody ‘round here’s like you. I know you think that’s stupid and I was being naïve or—” I swallow though my throat is dry as ever, “—or dumb, or somethin’, but that’s what I felt. At the time.”

His gaze is fixed on my neck.

“At the time,” he echoes. It’s a question, I realise after a couple moments.

“Yeah. Fuck y'want me to say, asshole? 'm not—I’m not gonna embarrass myself with you, Rust. That what you want me to do? Show you just how dumb I can get—?”

“Sure like to speak for me, hm?” he bites back quietly, making it so damn easy to run right over him, to feverishly stamp out that insufferable fucking softness to his voice. Shit, I wish he’d just raise it and yell at me already.

“—Yeah, whatever. You like this shit, don’t you? Y’think you deserve a fight?—well, I’ll give you one. That what you want? ‘Cause what?—what, you get to ignore me, pretend I don’t exist, act like you’re above fuckin’ me—” his eyes flit away, bringing my roiling frustration to a crest, “—No, don’t you fuckin’ look away,” I scold, a bite, jutting a crooked finger into his space. 

He obeys, but that look in his pale eyes is so hollow, it almost makes me feel bad for saying anything at all. Almost. 

I try to press down my anger, but it’s spilling over, now, far beyond things so trivial as control. I clasp my hands together in a prayer that they will finally listen to me and not move again. 

“Fact that you feel anything at all makes you feel like shit, huh?”

His expression has glazed over, cool and smooth.

Half-expecting him to walk out and rightfully abandon me here, I stare hard at him, like I might chip into that exterior. If I managed it, I’d slip it in my pockets as proof. Silently, I beg him to prove me right. 

“Sorry,” I snap. No, I’m not. I hope it cuts at him. “You do what you want, I don’t fuckin’ care. But, please, do not patronise me like that again, Rust.” 

God offers no help with the silent plea I send Him. He does not care, so I shouldn’t care, and that’s the end of things. I’ve survived worse natural disasters than him. He’s just a man, and this is just what happens with them. Still, the disappointment floods like poison under my skin. I’m a stupid girl, really. 

“I understand if you regret things, but you don’t have to say it out loud. It’s mean. But, fuck, I dunno, maybe you mean to be.” 

I take a moment to untangle the knot in my throat. He watches it all, quiet again, his eyeline sitting heavy over where the skin shifts and stretches over my neck. 

I adjust the collar of my shirt, fiddle with the gold necklace that sits hot over the contour of bone. Rust stares as I wedge the small pendant tightly in the vice of my thumb and forefinger. 

“Feels like you don’t even fuckin’ like me half the time. All the time.”

Christ, I should’ve left with Johansson. 

My heart is racing like a wild mustang – it’s a surprise, really, that that old hunting dog lying over by the bar hasn’t noticed, singled me out as something to chase, to kill. My belly’s exposed, soft and ripe and asking for it. I forget, sometimes, that there are things out there that kill things that kill, too. 

He doesn’t plan on giving me a break; I wouldn’t deserve it, anyway. “Wha's it matter to you if I like you or not?”

My cheeks burn furiously. 

I stare at that bone-bird tattoo that fledges from the nest of his sleeve. With the way my head’s spinning, it almost looks like its skeleton wings are actually moving, unfurling and ready for pilgrimage. 

“It don’t.” It’s a disgrace to myself to answer that god-awful question, but what’s more pathetic is the way I shrink into myself when Rust’s attention crowds in over my face. “I jus’ thought you knew me almost as well as I did.” 

“And currently?” he asks.

The moment hangs. 

“Just answer. I already know – just wanna see if you’ll lie again.” 

I close my eyes a second—mistake—and breathe, breathe in and then breathe out, shaky but slow. It’s no use. 

“Same.”

He nods. “Not better?”

I shake my head. “No, never better.”

Furrowing his brow, Rust tilts his head down slightly, a soft curl falling gentle over his tense forehead. “But you wanted intimacy.”

So it is intimacy to him? 

Maybe this should count as a win for me, but it certainly don’t feel like it. This isn’t the slow slip and slide of last summer’s end – though the heat had swallowed whole everything from here to the other side of the Mississippi, there was something so clipped about the words that left me, left him. I’m sure I was more drunk then than now, but, even so, my mind had been so level, like I’d done it all in my sleep. Now, here, I have done it in my sleep. I’ve revisited him a hundred times in my daydreams, but all that practice has left me for dead. I would’ve killed for an opportunity like this a month ago – it’s like he’s taunting me. It should be easy. 

Rust is smart enough to make me wonder if he wants me to feel this way. 

Intimacy is planned and eventual, whether that’s due to his power or some cosmic fate. Everyone knows the decision they’re going to make, somewhere in their brains, deep inside. People only ask for advice to condone their decisions, to spread out the responsibility, which, at the end of the day, still remains solely with them. Shit, he’s rubbing off on me: I sound like a fuckin’ asshole. 

No, all this thinking won’t save him from the sensation of human feeling, emotions. No amount of planning prepares you for skin-to-skin touch. No time spent evaluating can undo it either, and I’ve tried so hard. His way doesn’t work. 

“Everyone wants intimacy,” I end up rambling, voice thin and dry and brittle. “Even folks that don’t want intimacy want intimacy. ’s not love or sex, really, I don’t think, though those are good, too. It’s not a way to find yourself. It’s jus’ trust. Or companionship—”

“And that’s what you want?”

Carefully, I rake my eyes over his face. Does he ever flush from the heat? 

Hopeless and too muddled to bother with concealing it, I try to assess whether he’s displeased with me. I try to memorise this moment, so I’ll be able to turn it over in my head later, just another one of my crime scene photographs. 

“Dunno yet,” I confess quietly. “I’ve had partners. And partners. When I was younger, I thought I’d have this life packed chock full of amazing relationships, and these—connections.”

The soft, disappointed eyes of my husband come to mind, which haunt all my relationships. I’m so hungry for another body, for connection. Why does it seem so easy for other people? 

“Truth is, it don’t happen all that much. To me, at least. You?”

Surly and bone-tired, Rust shakes his head. “Didn’t have much hope for it growin’ up,” he admits. 

“But you wanted it,” I press, clumsy and clinging to the sag of his voice. Of course, he’ll pick up on the trace of hopeful, aimless, false victory that undercuts my words; he’s the only one who ever could. 

For a moment, though, I second-guess myself. 

It’s pathetic, really: I’d give almost anything to walk as him for a day, though, even then, I’m not sure I’d understand him any better.

Sometimes, my imagination runs away from me: in my dreams, I do. I wake under the impression that we’re one and the same, that, just maybe, he, similarly, is dreaming as me. It’s a pulsing obsession, difficult to conceal. Whenever a moment becomes still, I think about it: at night, he is transported; in his dreams, he touches with my hands, sighs with my voice, tastes with my mouth. Then, at least, that would explain these funny sensations I get in the morning: so weathered and worn, a strange ache in my muscles, like I’ve been sleepwalking.

How else could he know me so well? 

Or maybe I’ve really fucking lost it. Somewhere along the way – maybe after seeing that half-eaten body swaddled in thin cotton in its freezer cradle – I think something else took the wheel. Why that thing is racing towards him, I have no idea. It’s laughable, really.

Rust blinks calmly down at his hands. “Reckon the deniers are dumb?” he murmurs. 

Squeezing the bridge of my nose, I do my best to press back against the foul memory of dismembered limbs. Whoever had eaten the man—who was now beyond recognition—did they feel satisfied? Comforted with how forever close he was to them now? When I was small, I used to think sex was crawling into another person's body, like a cave, and letting all of their insides warm you, love you, wrap you tight. 

I swallow thickly. 

“Your words, not mine,” I reply through a tight smile. “Reckon it’s easy to find a distraction.”

"Have you given up?" he asks. “Finding a distraction?”

I don’t entertain him with a proper answer to that – I merely shrug and scratch at my scalp, tucking loose strands of sweaty hair back into the loops of my braid. Rust must be frustrated with me. To want a companion, to want the good life. Rivalling Marty in my delusion. 

He slides his hands into his lap, continuing: “Distraction is the way to peace?”

I shrug again – I think it’s starting to piss him off. “For a time, I guess.” 

“So, ‘s that how you’re takin’ quittin’? Think about other stuff whenever you want a smoke? Occupy yourself?”

Once I realise my leg is going dead, fuzzy from sitting still so long in this dark booth, I flex my thigh, flex my hands under the table, wide-open and then tight-shut, processing the blank slate of his gaunt face. I press my fingers into the sticky vinyl, delight in the interrupted drag of them up, up, up as they curl to fists, my shoulders up to my ears. 

When he says things like that, it makes it so hard to dislike him. I almost wish he’d ignore me, like he did the first couple weeks before it became clear to the both of us that it couldn’t be undone: his back constantly to me, sending messages only through Marty, refusing to look in my direction, like I might tempt him again into being a version of him he hated. At least, before, his coldness hadn’t been directed at me specifically. Then, it was a retaliation, a wall meant to keep me out. Where were his books on philosophy then?—to tell him that attachment leads to desire leads to suffering? That kind of suffering would be better than this kind. 

This is worse. This is so much worse. I’d rather not have something at all than have it toy with me like this. 

It takes a considerable amount of co-ordination to fabricate the apathy in my posture, my eyes, my expression, to compensate for the unease that pulses like a new artery in my throat – though, at the silvery glint that flickers in his eyes, I know it’s all for nothing. He’s already seen the hurt that, really, I can’t pin on anyone but myself. He’s raking his eyes slowly over my face. It’s fucking mean. Do me the favour of a mercy-killing, God.

I never even told him I was trying to quit.

“What,” I begin, concentrating very hard on keeping myself from stammering and from slurring, from crying and from grasping at his hand, “like that association thing?” 

I’ve heard of it, obviously. I know every trick at this point: old wives’ tales to the latest research papers at the state university library. It’s psychological: whenever you want something, instead, think of awful, gross, repulsive things, and make yourself hate it. I’ve tried it before, but it doesn’t always work. How can you convince yourself that one thing is disgusting when it’s undeniable how good it really was?

Rust nods.

“I mean, I tried it,” I tell him lowly. 

Overstatement: I tried it for approximately three days and two nights before I caved, unlocking the drawer in my study with shaky, desperate hands, hungry.

“But I’m always thinkin’ about it.”

Shit. He seems to have regained a nerve: Rust stares calmly ahead at me—not through me or just past me; at me. This is what I wanted, isn’t it?

He leans his weight over his forearms upon the table, on offence. Is this how he works his suspects? Well, shit, I’ve studied his methods from the privacy of the other side of the false mirror enough times to be able to answer that, actually: this is how he works his suspects. Initially, at least, to gauge their personality, their wants, their fears, what they need him to be. 

Thing is, I can’t pin down his intention with me. Is it just the satisfaction of the kill? Or maybe revenge for what I did to him last August. I broke down his walls: an unforgivable sin. I condemned him to the effort of building them back up, of shoving me out—if I ever managed to intrude in the first place. Maybe I deserve this. 

With his sleeves folded back, the dark lines of Rust’s tattoo jut out, growing along his tawny, leather-tan skin like lichen. I try not to stare.

His eyes complete a pre-emptive scan of my face, and, really, I know I should not let him see any change there in my expression, though my mouth twitches to frown. I try to gather my forces. I try to prepare myself for it, for that inevitable intrusion.

“‘f you’re so desperate for it, why’re you fightin’ back?” he asks, unblinking and cruel. 

My mouth twists, and I let it fall into the frown it wants. “‘Cause I wanted to feel better.”

It sounds dumb because it is dumb, even though it’s true. 

Low, he hums. He straightens, softens, and finally leans away. It’s like the vacuum around me leaves with him, and, there, now, it’s easier to breathe. 

He must note the way my chest rises and falls so stiffly, like there’s a weight resting over my heart. 

“Withdrawal’s a breeze, ain’t it?”

“You’re not fuckin’ funny,” I scoff, digging my nails punishingly into my palm. He smokes and drinks like he welcomes cancer, or hopes for it, so I don’t think we’re on a level playing field.

He quirks his head. “Well, do you?”

“Do I what, Rusty?” 

Amused, he rolls his jaw. Good – I hope I’ve provoked him. 

“Do you feel better?” 

I run my tongue over my teeth. “Sometimes,” I reply truthfully. “Not right now.”

He searches my face. 

“I can give you a ride home,” he offers. 

Fuck, and what will that be like? Ten times worse than this. I’ll come away the husk of a woman, worn down by his disapproval. My own fault for wanting anything from him in the first place, really. 

Teeth gritted together, I shake my head, ready to pull a muscle in my damn neck. “Didn’t mean anythin’ by it. Sorry.” 

No, I’m not. I ought to slap him, and then run away, back home, or back to my house, or to a brand new city. Or he could finally cuss me out, save me the wondering. Then, I could lick my wounds and they would finally stop reopening. 

I scratch at my scalp. 

Rust eyes my hand like he’d like to rip the bad habit away from my body. For a moment, I think he will—the tendons in his hand flex and writhe under the skin—but, no, he only brushes a thumb against the valley between his nose and cheek, and he holds his tongue for once. 

“Wasn’t offended,” he corrects firmly. “I’ll take you home.”  

Flashing with annoyance, my eyes dart up viciously to penalise him. “And what?” I hiss. 

He sits back, doesn’t answer the question.  

Jaw clenched, I wait to see if he’ll look away, but he doesn’t. 

My irritation soon fizzles through, condenses to a low, simmering understanding, steadily tended to by the intensity of his steadfast gaze. 

Oh. 

My eyes soften. 

Oh – I have him, don’t I?

He shows no signs of the tentativeness he had displayed last time—if Rust could ever be tentative. His eyes do not shift and scuttle around me; they meet mine, challenging my comfort. He does not tuck himself into a corner; he remains leaned over the table, just like that. How could I have known? 

I stare back, brow pinched in confusion. 

In the heat of last August, I’d peeled away from him knowing exactly how I’d convinced him he wanted me. Maybe I was evil for it – a good person wouldn’t use somebody’s faults against them, would they? And maybe that’s what it was: selfish. If he hates me, he’d be right to. 

Which is why I’m so puzzled that he doesn’t. Or rather, indifference was the baseline. Hell. And this? I don’t know. 

Swelling dangerously with the well-loved memory of his delirious mouthings over my skin, I grow rigid.

My temples throb and ache, the threat of tears still very real.

“Mind?” he asks – I watch, wide-eyed, as he pulls a pack of Camels from his pocket. 

Trembling slightly, I shake my head, though saliva is already pooling over the pit of my tongue, warm and soft, just like my desire. Luckily, he’s too preoccupied with his lighter to see it: how my body ripples at the scrape of his voice. 

The promise of nicotine dances like a phantom in the mouth, just from watching him place a cigarette between his lips. When he flicks open his Zippo, the sharp, shuddering candle of it taunts me, and I finally understand what they say about moths and flames.

I watch him take a long drag.

That all-consuming hunger lurches up in me again, and I swallow the warm spit that’s steadily been filling my mouth. 

Oh, Christ. This can’t be real. Desire shouldn’t be this bloody. Desire shouldn’t be the thing with teeth and claws, the ugly thing that tips into violence. Or obsession. With how often my thoughts return to us in the summer, I’ve wondered obsession as a possibility. The difference between myself and those who commit crimes of passion is control. Rust is dangerous for me. What is he thinking? What’s in his head? I ache to pry it open and explore, to swim close to him, for my skin to melt into his, to consume and be consumed. Not a moment’s peace, and that’s what I’m chasing, isn’t it? Peace and quiet?

I don’t have to say anything – he can read it all, mulling over the fine changes in my expression, the softening of my body, some pre-emptive instinct. Will he touch me tonight? 

With a cautious hand, ready to jolt back if met with teeth, I reach out to him and remove the cigarette from his pinched fingers—which he allows—then bringing it to my mouth, taking a drag myself, nice and slow, good and deep, a sigh, like home.

He watches me.  

“Don’t say anything.”  

And he doesn’t. He just watches, watches, watches as I take another drag. He shivers, and I feel it reverberate through my bones.

“What are you thinkin’ about?” I ask him softly, pressing down a quivering breath, smoking his cigarette. I’ve never mustered the courage to ask before.  

For once, though, I really don’t have to: I know exactly where his head is. Where else? He’s back in that room, infected by the drowse and drunken fever of August, with me, living it again. Where I’d coaxed him into the temptation, wicked as the snake in the garden. He should’ve pushed me to leave with Johansson and Marty – of course, I would’ve stayed. I’m a rotten thing, and my heart is a bloodhound. He’s the better of the two of us. I’ll take whatever of him I can get – anything. 

He meets my eyes directly, so hopeless, so raw. Is he asking? He shouldn’t be. 

But what will he have me do? I’m at his disposal, really.

“And?” I ask, throat dry. 

When he moves to speak, the words that leave him are low and slow: “You did something to me,” he manages. 

I scoff. 

“S’that a good or bad thing?” I ask.

Rust huffs like what I said was funny. More likely, though, it’s the way my eyes are so wide, the way my hand is pressed between my thighs, that amuses him. “Can’t decide.”

My mouth trembles as my eyes scrape over his neck, which I know, I remember, to be hot and alive, thick with it over the pulse. I was so high off of it: his warmth, his weight, his press. 

I indulge in one last drag, using the last scraps of my energy to conjure the pungent stench of rotting flesh in the cruel sunshine, the pick of eager flies and their cacophonous buzzing, the churn of vomit in the stomach. I look at Rust and try to do the same: the months of silence, his back decidedly turned to me, him accepting my case, and his arrogance and his apathy and his severity. He is a harrowing connection that I should rather not have made.

The technique doesn’t work. I don’t know why I thought, even for a minute, that this time would be different from the last. 

With him staring calmly at me, like I deserve it—the trap, the squirming sensation over my spine, the hopeless, unavoidable heat that claims my face—it’s just another arrow pointing to the same conclusion. Maybe we should just let August have its way with us again. Twin plagues.

Trembling ever so slightly, blood so warm, so thick, I flick ashes out into the tray between us. 

“I should put this out,” I mumble, though my hand yearns to return it to my mouth. 

“’s my cigarette,” Rust mutters.

“Sorry.” I offer my hand to him. “Want it back?”

I know what I must look like to him, pupils dark, the size of the moon, like a plate. Here, in the darkest part of the dark bar, I open myself to him, warm, molten, inviting. And God, this must be a dream���because I know what he wants, and I know that he’ll accept me. How we got here doesn’t matter anymore. Maybe he’s thought about it for some time, and only now, in a moment of stillness with him, have I even noticed. Too caught up in the fine details of a painting to think of the artist’s intention, which is always more important.

Silent, stare inexorable, he accepts the cigarette, only touching my fingers quick, like I’d burn him. Maybe I will. Serves him right: he was always going to haunt me either way. I ought to get mine while I still can.

The hunger laps at me.

I want to coax him open-wide. I want to peel away his demeanour and wrap myself close to him. Body heat is the best way to keep warm, isn’t it? I’m sure I read about that somewhere. It’s still fresh in my mind, like a cut. I can’t manage a day without playing it over at least once. I want it again: I want to breathe him in and let him sit in my chest and seep into every cell and let him be part of me that way, at least until the next breath.

He can see it in my eyes: the freneticism of my thoughts, racing like a storm, desires like bullets like rain.

“You ever think about what you want?” I try asking him, voice strained tight over my heart in my throat. 

“People only ever think about what they want,” he parries, batting away any trace of diffidence. He secures his cigarette between his lips, shifting. “Let’s leave.”

At his first movement, I slide out of the booth. 

Sometime during our conversation, the place emptied out. It must have been around when I finished Marty’s leftover beer that the weight of the locals’ beady stares—which had already faded to the back of my mind, in the same way that a dark alleyway can still make you uneasy though you know nothing would ever happen to you there—finally left me. There are no witnesses left to see me following after Rust like a dog, my body thrumming like the lone bug zapper out on the porch, which cracks! just as we exit. 

The broken clock reads three o’clock when we leave, but I know that, really, it’s only midnight.

Fortunately, the heat has cracked for once, like old, beat-up, splitting leather. Stepping out onto that night path, the breeze is warm and fragrant, dancing over my cheeks, playing gently with the loose threads of my hair. It’s a clear, blue, never-ending night – the dirt road which accompanies us is a long, winding, indigo river that spills unseen over the far, far horizon. The neighbouring fields—one a rolling stretch of grass; the other of wheat—are alive in the wind, flung one way on exhale, drawn the other upon inhale. 

Thank God for the noise of it: their rustling whispers, in a language we can’t understand; the soft whistle of a passing gust of air; the firm, crisp crunch of dry mud and dust under my boots. Thank God for the sway of things: the cradle of humidity; the press of my arm to Rust’s, which he permits only for a second, with his face angled away. Then, he slows, coming to walk just behind me, still parallel.

Flickering strands of long-grass brush my knuckles – I grab onto one, pull the seeds off it in an easy swipe, and scatter them as we go, one by one. 

Briefly, I glance over my shoulder. Sure enough, his eyes are fixed on me, on my every movement, like he’s making sure I’m actually real. The corner of my mouth twitches up into a smile. 

Rust’s cigarette flares between his lips. 

I scratch gently at my wrist, reminded of the flowing of my blood just beneath the skin, hot and thick.

You get nowhere in life just hoping things will fall into your lap like this—and, anyway, what good is getting something that you didn’t work for? Where’s the gratification? It’s artificial, feeble as plastic. Christ, it was even a struggle to get my head around Johansson and his propensity to dole out favours. I understood a write-up – won’t pretend I’m above ass-kissing – but tidying up the office kitchen and keeping quiet about it? I thought it was stupid: letting people reap the rewards of your own effort, and for what?

So, the buzz of earning Rust’s touch that first time?—shit, nothing compared. No drug, no high; nothing. I really thought I did something. Satisfied some secret ambition I didn’t know I held. To have him like that. To be able to replay that night, swallow it like a pill. To look at him and know what was underneath his clothes and his skin, and perhaps further inside, too. Shit, I took so much from him, but the mental gymnastics of the effort justified it, right? And, now, he’s going to give it all up again. Wants it, even.

Haven’t I played this out a thousand times in my head? I’ve seen the future—a number of futures—where I’m able to argue for his affection. Fight for your love – that’s what my daddy used to tell me whenever he was feeling sentimental after yelling.

I’ve had endless conversations with him in my head, edited accordingly as time passed, as he changed, as I changed, as the air between us changed. Possible flirtation seemed silly, futile, after a week. Sex appeal would go unnoticed by him – wasn’t like he looked, anyway. Not the type to chase tail. I found myself longing for him to please linger uncomfortably in doorways to rooms I was in, to leave things near me and come and collect them just after I was gone so that, maybe, he’d still feel the warmth of my presence and understand it was only ever warm that way for him. The idea of genuine confession always sprung up during the quiet nights alone together in the bullpen, but I was always able to talk myself out of it when he wouldn’t so much as glance at me after two, three hours.

It must be a million threads of conversation up in my head, which is why I guess it’s so hard to untangle the great knot and retrieve just one, because, now, there are no words that come to mind when it matters. Or maybe it doesn’t matter: I don’t think he needs convincing at all.

“What you so quiet for?” he asks faintly. 

When I look back, he’s stark against the brooding sky like some shadow-man. His outline hums like he’s pulling away into his own silhouette. 

I can’t seem to smile. “Nothin’.” 

He won’t push—at least, not on this—and I’m glad for it. 

Rust’s beat-up semi is all lonely sat in a dip up in the road, waiting for us. Same semi he’d driven me home in from work this one week I was getting my car fixed up, in which a series of slow, mutual interrogations would take place along the light-streaked highway. In the office, you were lucky to drag a full sentence out of Rust, but, alone, it wasn’t so hard to get him to talk at all.

Maybe I had just wanted to be better than him, to learn how he worked, how he was such a good interrogator, and bleed him dry. That was why I couldn’t look away: every choice in his demeanour could help me surpass him.

Even then, I learned to be careful with my looks. I had the feeling he’d morph into something else if I stared long enough, the way the shadow in the corner of your bedroom changes shape when you’re bone-tired. Sometimes, he would. And on the Thursday night of that week, when he had pulled over and thrown up, shaking, into the dark thrush, I hadn’t uttered a word as he climbed back into the driver’s seat. But, as he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, I’d stared at him with the filmy eyes of a hungry nocturnal animal.

Then, at least, the curiosity wasn’t a burden. Not like it became when I drove myself home come that morning after.

I could tell it was different the moment I shifted awake, feigning a sleep for just a couple more minutes.

Dressed again and putting on a pot of coffee, his back was to me. I had shuffled up, pulled on my clothes, and I knew the stupor of the night had faded. So, really, when I stepped past him and he closed the door behind me without a word, I shouldn’t have been upset. 

When I reach the pick-up first, I twist to look at him. 

Rust has slowed to finish his cigarette at a safe distance, eyeing me warily.

He crushes the stub into the dirt, then glancing out into the long night. 

“Straight home?” he asks. 

I shake my head, and the rigid line of him gives just a little. It’s so dangerous to be seduced by your own influence, but the realisation that I’ve had any at all is fuel enough to the plea in my wide eyes.

Rust advances haltingly. If I move, I’m sure he’ll flinch and bolt. So, I test the theory: better to weed out what’s already decayed.

I angle myself towards him, open like a door. He tosses his jacket into the bed of his pickup, stepping through.

The heat seeps back between us, slow and thick like a flood of molasses, and it becomes very clear, suddenly, that we never should’ve tried to barricade ourselves. Pretty sure Rust’s known this a while, anyways: he’s the one who leans in for me, kisses me slow.

This time, his hands are quick to curl around my body, where the tension in that tight cord all down his spine has snapped. Or just eased up on him—but that’s unlikely. And unimportant. With his firm touch petting up my spine, climbing each rung, it’s all unimportant.

A pulse of arousal strikes me like an electric current as Rust pulls the blouse out of my skirt, his face close to me.

His tongue pushes into my mouth again, and I hum over the husk of nicotine. It’s a haze in the brain, one I’ve missed. My skin tingles and my thoughts warp in this leer, like a nic rush, only I haven’t had one of those in years and years.

I can’t exactly call what I’m feeling satisfaction. There’s no win to this. My teeth sunk into him so sweet last time, and the thrill of getting him, of tripping him up with his own desire, was almost as good as the actual feeling of him inside me. But it’s different now: so obvious, it’s funny. Though my first instinct is to doubt and pry apart, maybe want is the most trustworthy thing a person can feel. It’s animal and instinctive, and it’s inevitable, so it’s always true. Ugly, sometimes, but always there. There’s no room to question his want, because I can taste it on his tongue, I can feel it pressing over my stomach, I can hear it in the way he hums at the sear of my skin. 

It must be a favour to me: the blatancy of it all. For however direct he may be, I’ve always felt that Rust has these plans within plans. Nothing is as it is on the surface: you have to dig to get to the good stuff. It’s disorienting, having it all laid out for me. And I’ll take anything he gives me.

I don’t want to leave any room for doubt in his mind either. 

So, I clutch at him hungrily, so drunk on his warmth, and thump my back against the door he opens for me to close it again.

I don’t ask, and I’m glad that he doesn’t make me, only presses my body flush against the cool surface of his side-door, until the only part of me free to move are the fingers that curl over his arms, as if they could sink through the fabric and then the flesh underneath. There’s only dogs and ghosts out at this hour, anyway; eyes in the long-grass. No-one but them and him to see my hips jerk against the precise hand under my skirt. 

He hadn’t looked at me this much before. Even when my eyes go glassy and I have to blink hard to try and regain my smarts, to not finish too quickly, I know he’s staring at me like a scientist.

When the next needy noise is drawn from me, I bury my face into his neck to save myself the embarrassment of being seen like this, even though it’s pointless. His fingers are dragging aside the damp fabric of my underwear anyway, sliding through my silky desire. When his knee shoves between my legs to keep apart, he changes the pressure of his hand, circles tightly over where shame does not apply. Restraint is a man-made practice that never prevails over biology. I should know this. Still, though, my face is hot as I whine into his shoulder. 

Rust doesn’t ask me to look at him, not yet, and I’m so grateful for it. I bite into the meat of him at the push of one finger, then keen all the way to my toes at the hook of two, rocking against his palm thoughtlessly as he fucks the both of them in deep.

The clink of his belt buckle barely processes through the smoke of sticky eyes and open mouths and the press of his body. But the absence of his hand from my hip, of it working between us?—that’s what ushers normal sensation back into me. I recover from the limp slump against him, but not quickly enough to understand or resist him guiding my hand to wrap around his swollen cock, coated with spit. 

He grunts as he tightens my grip around him, coaxes my hand how he wants it. In the back of my mind, though, of course I remember. Only, his fingers are so far inside that my head is spinning, teetering on the precipice of another thought I know I’ll lose, one that dissolves at the slight scrape of nail, one that would never matter as much as the soft then firm press of him against my cervix. My eyes water, and there licking at me is only a faint, abstract impression of embarrassment when Rust grips over my jaw, calloused heel of his palm heavy on my neck, and hauls me away from the hiding spaces of his body’s crevices.

“What, you fuckin’ shy now? You wanted it, so look,” he mumbles, digging his fingers into the soft parts of my face a little more, like there’s some hidden button beneath the surface that can make my droopy eyes fly back open. There must be because, somehow, it works. He angles my face by the scruff of my neck.

I can only stand to look between us for a few jumpy heartbeats before my eyes settle on the comfort of his even face, which he seems to accept readily, breath hitching. He does not blink. The intensity of his observations hounds me, lights me up like points on a star, even when my vision smears and melts at the dizzying curl of his fingers. Lucky for my weak knees he’s got his hand over the nape of my neck, his thighs pinning my own. I shake against him, some pathetic thing, and tremble when he keeps massaging there deep inside.

“Don’t go dumb on me, girl,” Rust scolds quietly when my hand loosens around him, his own having to leave the heat of my neck and come down to correct the pressure, the pull. My head lolls without the support of his hand. “Ain’t gon’ say nothin’?” 

Words spill uselessly into a pool before me, slipping through my fingers. My pulse slams in my throat, lower, too, against his touch, each beat meeting him as he works me over again. 

What I manage is a choked noise, all clogged up inside. I have little to do with it: just a body, a heartbeat and a compulsion to be near, nearer, nearest to him. Half a mind that’s lagging worse than the computers at work, that realises far too late that the body is curling into itself again, so tight, so wet, and fuck, fuck. 

He removes his fingers, that slow drag, and tells me to turn. When I don’t—completely without, dull and aching—Rust twists and shoves me against the window, which goes cloudy at the breathy moan pushed up from my slack stomach. 

Slow-like, a cold hand snakes under my shirt, smooths up my burning spine, all the way up, all the way down, hooking in the waistband of my skirt, knuckles burrowing into the soft dimples in my back. My whole body shivers as he slides his palm over the back of my neck—a comfort for which I’m desperate to become familiar—and squeezes gently. If I keep my eyes open, all I can see of him is that black silhouette in the window, a reflection. A homogenous mass, humming at the edges, devoid of the detail of things: can’t see the way he drags his thumb up along the line of my spine, traces where it meets the skull; nor the way he steps forward, teases the air out of my lungs, enjoys it, tugs my hips closer to him by the gusset of the underwear webbed between my thighs; nor the way the cool metal buckle presses red lines into flesh. 

The sight of Rust doesn’t matter so much as the understanding that it’s him behind me, that it’s his truck my cheek is being pressed into, that it’s his—fuck—that it’s him sliding through the heat of me, so close. The tip notches and makes it all the easier for my eyes to flutter shut. It helps with the vertigo that follows the rough push of him inside. 

My fingers grasp for the little ridges in the door. Best place for them ends up to be under my mouth, though, to keep my head on my shoulders, to muffle the noises I was sure only animals made. My knee jerks sharply against the truck at the first white-hot pulse of pleasure – I hiss, smearing the drool at the edge of my mouth with the back of my hand, so glad he isn’t in clear enough line of sight to chastise me with his tendency to notice and never forget. 

But he knows—he must fucking know by now—because the heavy hand clasped over my scruff curls around my face, and Rust forces two fingers into my parted mouth, presses over my soft tongue. 

He pulls himself out just to feel the total length of me taking him again, so painfully slow. Feel the initial resistance, the spongy give, the sweet slip, the drag, all of it. So full, I feel sick with it. Overindulgence. Knocks me weak, doesn’t mind it when I bite down on his fingers to take most of the weight out of my sob. What I take from him, he takes from me—we’re even that way—so Rust, already with his nose flirting with the crook of my sweaty neck, nips over my erratic pulse, pushes his tongue over where I’m sure he can see the skin throbbing with the violence of it. Vampire. He could draw blood and I wouldn’t mind: he knows I need bloodletting. 

So fucking dumb to think for a second it could be sated by just one time. I needed it again before it even ended – I knew it in the split second he touched me. The grief of closure was as adamant as a shadow. Stupid. He must think it, too, because, shit, the snap of his hips is mean. Punishment: you should’ve known. 

“We ought’a be in your bed. I should be fuckin’ you through your bed,” he complains gruffly, his mouth dragging over hinge of my jaw.

I moan around the fingers in my mouth, which hook together with his thumb to pinch the fleshy inside of my cheek, challenging my lost focus. No matter. There’s nothing we can do now. 

The seize of my body doesn’t take him by surprise at all, not that I expected it to, and the words that follow are easy, like he’s been thinkin’ of them as loud and clear as day as it would be to speak ‘em: “Shit, that feels good, sweet girl, huh? Tha’s it, just take it. That’s good.” And he lets the warmth gush out before stuffing it back in. “You’ll take one more.”

I stare at the endless field to the side of us, melted over the curve of his door, shivering despite the humidity that always finds you around here. I choke more on my own tongue than his fingers as Rust fucks me slow, like I deserve it.

“Need it s’bad, huh?” he drawls into the shell of my ear. “Why you gone all quiet on me, baby?—thought y’wanted it.” 

He drags his fingers out of my mouth, daring me to speak. He slides his hand between my stomach and the side-door, gliding down between the thighs, smearing my dripping arousal over the skin. 

My toes curl tight again as he pushes deeper than before, sits there like he knows my mind will do the rest of the work. The grate of his zipper as he shifts draws a mangled sound from the pit of me, not hidden by the brace of my trembling arm. 

He zeros in on my clit, all sticky, and circles tight. I shudder. 

“Give in,” he says to me in a voice so low and soft that it barely reaches me above the high frequency splitting through my skull. He rolls that bright pearl between his finger and thumb. “You feel it?” 

Mindless and eyes all milky, I still manage a nod, grateful for the mean pin of his knees against my shaking thighs. 

He hums. “So give in.” 

Fuck, this is absurd. The mind can just about string two and two together when Rust lends a forearm beside my head for me to rest on, to grip over: so he’s pictured this, wanted this, for how long? I knew the stagnancy was a front, swallowed something else, but—my mouth goes wet and slack over his forearm at the languid roll of his hips—but it wasn’t realistic to imagine it was this. Rust struck me as someone incapable of reconciling himself with his wants. Shame over acceptance because he thinks it’s atonement. Should’ve known better than to think Rust believed in redemption. 

The silhouette in the window is looking over the empty road, scanning for cars that won’t ever come—but his hand is warm under the tent of my shirt, easing over my waist, slow, as everything clamps up, trembling, again. Body and a heartbeat, he tugs my hips back to him, again and again, until he’s a hot, shuddering line all through me, face in my neck, crushing the fight out of my lungs. 

His nose presses over my cheek, and his breath is coarse there, too, panting, when he lifts his heavy head. My throat goes so loose and open, greedily drinking in the sweet-sticky scent of him. 

“C’mon, now,” he says to me once he’s pulled my underwear back up, dragging the cool, damp gusset against the mess of me for good measure. He pinches my hip, then over my thigh, like that might get me to quit shuddering. “Time to go.” 

When I don’t move, he smooths a hand gently over my hair. Tucks a loose chunk of it back into the mess of my braid before deciding it’s best if he lets it loose completely. 

Rust winds down the window as he holds open the door for me to clamber onto the bench.

“Y’can sleep ‘f you want,” he mumbles once he’s got me curled up on the seat, leaning through the frame. He tilts his head – the shadows have always hidden his eyes, but I like how the pinch in his brow has melted away at least.

If I had half a mind, I’d use it to shove his face out my goddamn way. Instead, I settle for the narrowing of my eyes and a decided huff. “Won’t.”

Lie. I fall asleep like anything, mellowed by the sweet rush of wind over marshland, the spirit of it weaving inside, and the weight of Rust’s hand tucked in the tight bend of my knee.

[starringthesturniolos]

bite me(part 8)- Matt Sturniolo

part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7, part 8

summary- matt has always hated your guts, but everything changes when he wakes up and finds out your his mate.

contains- vampire!matt x reader, enemies to lovers, SMUT, themes of death, dark themes, high school au! (18 yrs old)

A/n: I'm going to write this in second person because I feel like it's easier for smut idk. im a new writer lol

"I dont know matt, I feel pretty hot!" you say as he pulls into his driveway. paranoia swept through you as you thought of going into heat and every little change in temperature had you worried. after all, the first symptom of being in heat is feeling hot all over, according to Matthew who is doing nothing to calm your nerves. instead he rolls his eyes at you much to your annoyance.

"its because I turned the car off y/n." he stares into your eyes before continuing. "look I don't want to scare you more than you CLEARLY already are but-

"Okay then maybe don't say it." you give him a fake smile gesturing to your head. ignorance is bliss, and you almost wish he didn't tell you anything about heat at all. he could have just let it happen but noooo. now its all you can think about.

"you don't have to be nervous. I said I'd take care of you didn't I?" matt says indignantly as you and him walk out the door. he slams his car door and puts his hand on your forehead. "you feel fine, so do me a favor and shut up." your about to roll your eyes but his next words stop you. "when the time comes, I will fuck the shit out of you and you'll go back to normal. got that?" he says it so casually like you and him were just going to take a stroll around the neighborhood. even so your thighs clench together and your body heats up. if this is already how I respond to him, how the fuck is it going to feel intensified ten fold. you think to yourself. as you and matt walk through the front door, your thoughts go to the gutter. you think about the way he's going to fuck your aching cunt so hard and fast. how he's going to fill you up so nice.

suddenly its not just hot any more, its burning. there's a pressure in your core so strong it feels like your going to pass out.

matt turns to you slowly and watches as you grip the wall, your body giving out. he walks over to you briskly and picks you up and into his arms. pathetically, you moan at the very non-sexual contact, but were so hot you couldn't even think to be embarrassed. you look up to see matt, and his eyes show his concern but also his lust. "matt" you whimper and his eyes start to shift from blue to a color so dark it almost looks black. you squirm to relieve some of the ache between your legs at the site. normally, it would scare you but nothing could scare you away from him right now. not when he has everything you need.

"I know, baby." he coos, moving the hair off of your already sweaty forehead. " I can smell you" he says as he carries you off into his room. he sets you on the bed and you whine at the loss of contact, your body heat flaring even hotter from the lack of contact. no wonder they call this thing a "heat".

"matt! please touch me, I need you!" you almost cry. he immediately reaches for your thigh running his hands up and down on it soothingly. your body relaxes slightly, but your cunt practically leaks at the simple touch. you can feel a puddle start to form underneath your butt, your underwear completely soaked. "shit" he breathes out shakily. "making a mess on my bed already" he says in a husky deeper tone. a tone similar to the one from when he found you and kit two days before. a tone that revealed the monster in him was about to take the reigns. his veins turn black as ink like they did before and he sniffs the air heavily. "fuck!" he groans at the smell of your arousal. suddenly your on his lap facing down with your ass up in seconds. "gonna stretch you out first." he says gruffly as if he was holding himself back from fucking you into his mattress right now. he runs his hand up and down your slit collecting your juices before putting it in his mouth. your hips jerk like crazy in response trying to recreate the pleasure from matts simple touch. without his touch, your pussy felt like it was literally on fire. "matt do something, please! fuck me already!" you whine desperately tears already streaming down your face. he slaps your ass hard and you moan out from the pain and pleasure. he grabs your throat and slaps your ass again eliciting another moan from you before leaning down. "shut up, brat. I'm going to do whatever the fuck I want to you, whenever I want to do it. do you understand?" he says lowly into your ear and your legs shake from the display of dominance. his words ring through your head and just like that your cumming, hard. you hadn't even been touched but you were screaming Matt's name and writhing as if he had just given you the best time of your life. matt freezes in shock from what just happened, but when he processes it he laughs. "coming undone from just words, sweetheart? didn't know you had it in you" he smirks and you start to feel his hard and throbbing dick through his jeans. you couldn't even begin to speak as you continue to ride your high as you writhe against him uncontrollably. your stomach strokes his cock everytime you move and he lets out a deep groan.

finally you come down from your high, but even though you just had an orgasm it did nothing to suffice the pressure in your core, in fact, it intensified even more. "it hurts, it hurts, it hurts" you cry as you go limp on his lap. "I know, baby, I know" matt rubs your back before flipping you over onto your back. he pulls his dick out of his pants quickly and lines himself up. you ogle at his dick and moan at the sheer size of it. matt grabs your chin and makes you look away from down there to his eyes.

"I was going to stretch you out, but fuck I don't think I can wait anymore. and something tells me you don't want to either." he says before pushing into you completely never losing eye contact with you. his eyes go from the dark blue to bright red and his fangs protrude when he feels you around him. your cunt tightens at the sight and he hisses out in pleasure. "gripping me like a vice, you like having a monster take you?" he grips your throat demanding an answer but your too far gone to even think of an answer. all you can think about is that you want him to move. his cock was nestles inside you but it wasn't enough. you try to move your hips in hopes of a little friction but his other hand grabs at your hips stopping all your movements completely. "do you?" he repeats his tone darker than you ever heard it before.

"yes!" your pitch raises "now please." you whine, heat all consuming. “good fucking girl” he breathes out before starting a brutal pace and going deeper than anyones ever been before. your muling and shaking uncontrollably in minutes and matts groans only add fuel to your fire. “yeah take it just like that. fuck, ur making me feel so good” he groans out and your cunt starts to spasm around him. he grabs your hand and presses it into the matress and you look up at his dangerous red eyes.

“your close, i can feel it. let go with me baby” he growls and you immediately come undone. your orgasm explodes out of you and you start to squirt uncontrollably on his dick. “fuck” matt moans before spilling all his cum into you. you orgasm again from the feeling of being filled up and he hisses at the overstimulation. finally, the haze you had been in lifts a little and settles into something manageable.

wordlessly, matt pulls you into him and your body relaxes even further. he kisses your temple and sighs when he sees your dropping eyes. a warmth spreads in his chest at your vulnerable state. a state no one would see but him. a state you would only let him help you with. just when it looks like your going to fall asleep on his chest, you shoot up slightly, maintaining your tired expression.

“mmm, wheres chris?” you sigh looking matt directly in the eyes.

matts pov.

what. the. fuck.

why is she thinking about chris right now when I am right here. when i’m the only one she should be thinking of. anger ripples through me even as i stare at her beautiful face, so i clench my jaw and walk out the door despite her protest. her heat should be under control now, so i don’t want to disturb the peace she can finally feel with a big argument. i desperately look for a distraction for the rejection i somehow feel, when suddenly i know the perfect option. i instantly open madi’s contact. she’d love to know how y/n’s doing and i know how much she LOVES knowing tmi shit. after three rings she picks up and smirk knowing shes going to want to know ALL the details. instead i am met with a cautious voice on the other side of the phone.

“hey matt” she says as if theres something shes not telling me. “hey?” i answer confused by her strange tone. she takes a deep breath and thats how i know shes thinking of a good way to say something. she wants to tell me something but she doesn’t know how. what the fuck is she hiding? i stay silent and patiently wait for her to continue and have my unspoken question answered. she takes the hint

“so you know how chris got the same spell you guys did??” her voice raises in pitch and if i had a pulse it would have raced. this is the second time chris’ name has come up in unexpected ways.

“yes..” i say skeptically.

“and you know that i was actually able to get rid of the bond entirely bc it was so weak right?” i roll my eyes, gripping my phone and tired of her dancing around the point.

“yes, madi. what the fuck do i need to know that your not telling me.” i spit out.

“a new mate has been given to him”she says like shes bearing bad news. and my mind wanders. this is supposed to be a GOOD thing. he finally found a mate he can actually be with and care about the way he’s always wanted too. out of all three of us, chris has always been the most fascinated by the concept of mates. he was slightly terrified but slightly interested in the concept of being consumed by love. a love that is mutual. and now he can finally have it, and yet it feels like somethings wrong. and then it clicks and my breathing stops. i have a horrible thought and her words ripple through my head.

“where’s chris?”

a woman in heat is ONLY able to think of her mate and no one else. its one of the first things vampires and witches are taught about the overwhelming experience women have to go through when they are mated. my mind connects the dots before she even finishes. rage and loss pours into me in gallons.

“its y/n” she says before the front door opens. chris walks in, his eyes searching the house to find the only girl i ever wanted to call mine and mine alone.

bbernard-03

@sturnthepot

@hoeformatt

@sturtriple16

@faygo-frog

@sturniol0s

@katie-tibo

@cindylcuwho

@l3an

@chriwssv4amp

@sturnslimited

@minhlajenni

[hanasnx]

“ JUST OPEN UP, LET YOUR BODY TALK FOR YOU ” — jake sully.

MINORS DNI 18+ ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 .ᐟ NOTES: unfinished wip that im never gonna finish. WARNINGS: unfinished wip ノ fem reader ノ suggestive content ノ established relationship: past lovers ノ navi x human ノ death mention ノ some sexual content.

JAKE SULLY’s made it a habit to go where he’s not wanted. It’s some kind of compulsion, gravitating towards places that’ll let him sink the fangs of his self-hatred in and lock his jaw.

“We want to talk to you about taking over his contract.” The suits had said while his own eyes were fresh from laying on his brother’s body. “The pay is good.”

Before Jake could give a definitive answer, he had to be somewhere first. He had to call on an old friend.

The door to your apartment closes as quick as it opens—and his hand is the only thing that stops it. His palm outstretched and reaching over his thin lap, halting the door in its swing. “Wait.” he says.

A sigh emits from the other side, and it pulls open. You stand in front of him with your head tilted in contempt. “What are you doing here?”

Now he’s back in your place, pleading with you in a way only Jake can, looking up at you with those glossy eyes as he lays it out.

“Look, I know you’re pissed at me—“

You scoff, powerful and silencing. “‘Pissed at you?’” you parrot wryly, furrowing your brows at his expectant expression. You loom forward in his direction incredulously pointing to yourself, “You think I’m pissed ‘cause we broke up? Jesus, Jake, no. I don’t want to see you because you’re a dick.”

His lips press together, and he cocks his head with a gesture that says it all. He doesn’t deny it. Wide eyes glue to your dirty carpet, and you continue to dig in on him.

“I get called up in the middle of the night, I pay your bail for some stupid fight you didn’t even win, and you shut me out. You know, I don’t know what’s more selfish, acting like you can ask things of me right now or—“

Some new strength instills him, blooming a rageful gleam in his eyes as he interrupts your reprimand like you’re a squawking mother. “Tommy’s dead. Okay? He’s dead. Gone.” The firmness in his voice and his sweep of an arm across his chest to signal your cut off takes you aback.

Your spine straightens, and you blink your wide eyes. Lips seal, and he seizes the opportunity born from your reticence. Out of all things to expect, you didn’t foresee this. Tommy was healthy as a horse, and Jake’s reaction is odd. This blindsided you.

“Now some guys are saying he owes them some contract, and I’m the only one that can fill it. I don’t know these people, I need someone I can trust here. And that’s you.” There’s an uncharacteristic softness to his voice, feather-light and whispering like it’s a secret. A paranoia creeps up on you like you’re being watched. You’re speechless.

He shakes his head, and that quiet beg in his tone returns. “I got no one else. It’s gotta be you.” For the first time since he rolled in here, you feel bad for him.

Yet, you know he’s overestimating your value, especially when faced against a multi-billion dollar company. “Jake,” you sigh, defeated. Your reluctance somehow revitalizes the old Jake, the indomitable wall of unknowable sarcasm. His shell hardens as he becomes the person you need right now. “I don’t… I didn’t do what Tommy did. They won’t need me.” you explain, and it’s not exactly a protest but it’s not acceptance either. It’s as if you’re convincing him that it’s simply easier not to try. However, Jake never took the easy way out.

In a manner only he can replicate in the face of uncertainty, he responds coolly, “Please, these guys in suits will do anything I say to get me there. If I say they need you, they’ll say ‘when can you start?’”

Your lips pull to one side, and he knows he’s hooked you.

After cryo-sleep, your mood as significantly shifted. There’s no sympathy anymore, there’s only blatant professionalism. You’d arrived a hair earlier than Jake did, and they’d gotten you started in the labs right away. He knew you’d hit the ground running, and apparently in the month you’ve been here you’ve already established yourself as a worthy peer. You’ve always been a quick learner, but you sold yourself short before. This is exactly the kind of field you should be in, working in neuroscience was a cake-walk, and you become a prime technician in the neuro-health of the avatars as well as their compatible hosts.

Your attitude towards him has adjusted, and it’s back to the avoiding game, making yourself scarce whenever he was around. Too busy to talk, and certainly resentful that you’re here because of him. He can practically smell it on you the way you blow him off.

The day he’s supposed to test his avatar, the first question out of his mouth is where you are. Max relays that he’s in charge of the department you’re a part of, so he’ll be supervising. As a specialist, you’ll be called in if there’s any cause for concern, and Jake can’t exactly summon you—if he did, it would dampen the already delicate relationship you hold with him. He opts to try it out on his own, and if it pokes a hole in his brain so be it.

As things charge up, and Jake gets comfortable in the confines of his pod, you change your mind. That nagging feeling of commitment causes you to meander back to the observation room and you watch the avatar as it lays sleeping on its cot.

“That’s a gorgeous brain.” Max muses, blowing up the image of the marine’s grey matter, and you find yourself leaning in to peer at it over his shoulder. “Nice activity.”

Uneasily, you clutch your clipboard to your chest, and regret not being the one to walk Jake through the procedures yourself. Evading him was exhausting, but it was easier than facing him. Your eyes glue to the dormant muscle mass of his avatar, and await sign of movement with bated breath.

A twitch. The end of your pen kisses your bottom lip and you unconsciously close around it as your teeth toy with the plastic. It stirs. You surge forward, and Max furrows his brows at your odd behavior, so engaged with the scene through the glass that he’s sure nothing could break you out of your trance. Large, luminous eyes reveal as if from under a veil, pupils dilating to adjust to the fluorescent lights. A gasp rakes in through your throat, gifting you the oxygen you deprived yourself of when you forgot to breathe.

The scene unfolds. Initially a rousing success turned disaster as Jake ignores all warnings only to do what he wanted. You stifle the urge to roll your eyes as Max strongly protests to what Jake is doing. Constantly biting off more than he can chew, while everyone watches in futile horror as he ignores all consequences. You’re not surprised. A massive hand slams against the transparent pane, and you jump at the sound. It’s overhead, and it spans the length of your face. Glossy eyes scan it until they fall on Jake’s countenance nothing short of giddy.

“You’re not used to your avatar body, this is dangerous—“ Max warns while a nurse moves towards Jake with a needle to sedate him. That dizzying grin of his demonstrate the canines of the Na’vi, and he dares glance between you and Max when he replies.

“This is great.”

Something inside you shifts, and you gulp.

You react only after he’s thrown open the door, and you rush to mask before you follow after him.

Sully’s little show falls under your jurisdiction, having finally pinned him down and dragged him back by his ear—so to speak. He was willing after a little meeting with Grace. Like a bird that one, turn your back for one second and he cuts and runs. You’re not too sore about it, but he can tell the last place you want to be is here, checking him out. A sigh through your flared nostrils is proof of that.

“How am I lookin’, doc?” he asks, and a twinge of his old self shines through the question, that glimmer of mischief in his eyes as you march up the step stool to compete with his height even while he’s sitting down. He doesn’t take anything seriously, and you try to ignore it like you always have to.

Your hand is harsh when it places on his forehead, and your thumb hooks under the fat of his brow to jerk it up. His lid separates from his eye, and you bring your light to his pupil to test its dilation. Suddenly awkward, he glances down.

“Look up.” you tell him. He does so. You check the other one, and its response time is adequate as well. “Follow the light.” Your handheld flashlight moves in parallel and perpendicular motions, and he watches it as he speaks. Now faced with the sheer size of him, your movement lapses subtly. His scale was easy to measure with instruments, but now sitting in front of you, your hand on his skin, his head wider and longer than yours… it’s difficult to stay focused. You gather yourself, and resume your task.

Jake clears his throat, having caught the discrete hesitation. “Um, so,”

“I’d rather not talk.”

“But you still came.” The phrase points out your presence on Pandora per his request. Regardless if you don’t want to talk to him, you still gave up a part of your life to come here. “You can see how I’m getting mixed signals here.” he adds, and his large hands gesture confusedly in his lap to support the minutest shrug. You swallow. The light clicks off, and you pocket it into your lab-coat before stepping down in search of your clipboard. You scribble down some notes.

“I’ll have to run some tests, but other than that there’s no immediate visible signs. Wait here.” you instruct, and it’s the kind of cut and dry that pierces him.

“Now, hold on,” When you turn to leave, a hulking mass envelopes your arm around the elbow—but the touch is gentle. It halts you in your tracks, and your expectant gaze lands on him. “Just- can you hang back a second? What’s the rush?”

You glance down at his contact, and tentatively he removes it, even raising his hand while it backs off to show you it’s not a threat. Those eyes of yours flicker up, and he starts to feel small… even though you’re the one half his size.

In typical Sully fashion, he steels himself, and comes back with a comment that dissolves your icy exterior. Long arms lift on either side of himself, presenting it to you. “You haven’t even told me what you thought.” There's a tug to his lips.

"What I think?" you parrot incredulously, as if your opinion on the matter is obsolete, judging him through knitted brows.

"Yeah, how do I look?"

You clench your jaw, and exhale through your nose. Scratching the back of your neck, there's a tug at your lips now, too.

"You gotta try this." Jake, ever the troublemaker, had gotten you high up in the Hallelujah mountains to meet his Ikran. There was that air of pride about him, showing off his new mount to you while you uneasily climbed about the uneven ground. Perched atop the thick middle of a vine, you attempted to jump off it when he offered his hand to you. You peer up at him through the transparent mask, and take it, and he helps you down and over to his ride. It’s brief, but undeniably gentle the way he handles you. Your wary gaze inspects the difference in size with fascination that you condemn. It’s huge. For a second you fantasize about what it would look like if you pressed your palms together to compare finger lengths. He releases you, and you slow because of it, watching him yank the straps of his saddle to secure them.

He runs through the precautions, and because of the size of his mount, you’re unable to climb on as effortlessly as him. Your shoes confine your feet to inflexibility, and you struggle to pull your own weight up when there aren’t footholds for someone your size.

Clearly making fun of you, Jake comments, “Need help?” A clear goad to let go of your pride and accept his aid. Holding his hand earlier was different—however, inappropriate—now you’re determined to prove yourself. If you could see him, you’d witness that grin on his face as he’s entertained with your scrambling limbs, and the flicker of his eyes to glance at your ass. He tilts his head.

“I’ve got it.” you seethe, the purifier of your mask getting in your way and you slip. Landing hard onto the ground, your knees buckle and you clutch onto the saddle for stability. The Ikran screeches, rearing its head at you and you jump back instinctively. Your back collides with something hard, and you whirl to see that Jake had lumbered over, looming over you while he soothes the neck of his mount. His eyes are hooded as they meet yours, and the shadow his body casts over you has you gulping.

“You sure?” he jeers softly, and your cheeks heat up. Silently, you concede, breaking the suffocating eye contact to face forward. You gasp as contact is made with your waist, massive hands envelope your torso as he picks you up like nothing, supporting you as he places you onto the saddle. Your fingers dig into the leather, useless to calm your beating heart as the weight shifts behind you, causing your lesser figure to lean as he climbs on. His body heat radiates, and you stifle the urge to glance over your shoulder at him. Long cerulean forearms encircle you, reaching past you to grab hold of the lead. Your eyes follow his thick veins up, take note of how the antennae rope around his muscle, until your stomach drops at the realization of what’s about to happen.

Instant regret roots as Jake flicks the lead, and his Ikran approaches the edge of the mountain. “Wait! Wait, a second. Jake, I’m not so sure that I—!”

Above your ear, the low crooning voice of Jake sends shivers down your spine. “Hold on tight.” And you claw onto whatever you can while your gaze can now see over the precipice. A dizzying height you tried to avoid before had you wondering how he sweet-talked you up this high, and as soon as his bellowing cry sounded, the Ikran recognized it, leaping into a dive that had you screaming. Your stomach shoots to your chest, and when you can’t feel secure in holding the straps you grab onto him wherever you can reach. The deafening music of whipping winds drown out your shout and you can feel the vibration of his powerful chest against your back when he laughs at your helplessness. Fingernails dig into his skin, arms, shoulders, neck, anything you can gain purchase as your instincts yell at you to get out of this situation. You’re not a flyer, and you’re certainly not a daredevil.

Jake just manages to get you into bewildering situations, and that’s exactly why you find him so dangerous.

“You ever think about it?” his question catches you off guard, pulling you out of your tests. He’d upped his visits since gaining the freedom of a banshee, and he speaks to you through the throat comm from outside the mobile lab. You glance at the back of his head through the glass, and his ear pricks at attention, like he heard you shift. Your fingers pass over your lips before you purse them.

“Think about what?” you dare to clarify, a creeping sensation of the promise of regret crawling up from the pit of your stomach. These kinds of conversations never end well, and you know Jake like the back of your hand. He’s not going to let it go.

The jerk of his arm is caused by a carve gone stray on his new bow. His great knife came into the view past the sill of the window. “Us, I guess.”

You swallow hard. “Don’t you think this is the kind of conversation to have… in-person?” Your wary gaze pass over the monitor that shows Jake’s slumbering face—human Jake. The Na’vi side eyes you, and you run a degree colder.

Neither of you talk about it at this time.

Things had been going good. You and him were finally getting along—like you used to. It was easy, familiar. Like the face of an old friend, you had just begun to greet your old lover with a warm welcome. Past fights had been swept under the rug, and both of you were trying to start fresh. However, it was becoming clear that Jake’s blossoming interest in you had nothing to do with kickstarting a friendship—at least not a platonic one. You don’t like how it makes you feel full of hope. You’ve been burned before, and this isn’t the environment for a torrid love affair. The first time around was tumultuous at best, and volatile at worst.

It’s not like it’s seamless to be alone together, especially when your full-time position is not at the pod in the mountains. The wing that first housed the avatars had since been abandoned when everyone had dispersed. Nobody new was pouring into a department that is ceasing usefulness, and it hadn’t been decided how it would be cannibalized and delegated. As someone with dorm the size of a shoebox, you come here to think, especially since you’ve been isolated here. There’s nothing for you back home, but there’s not anything here either besides the friend you’re back to avoiding.

It’s dark out, and you only turn on a couple lights inside. You cross your arms over your chest as you approach the glass, peering into the empty room where you first saw Jake emerge. Stirring the avatar from its great slumber and answer its calling. You had yet to admit it verbally, but you’ve never seen him so comfortable in his own skin. Like the avatar wasn’t made for Tommy, it was made for him. It’s a reality you had never considered, Jake simply wears it that well. It’s a shade grim, and you consider leaving the wing.

That is, until, you see a flash behind the door leading into it.

In his last ditch effort, Jake had stooped to desperate levels returning all the way here, banging on the Na’vi sized door to the little room. Your brows furrow, unlocking it from your end, and once the latch hisses, he barges inside like there are dogs after him.

Once again, you’re bewildered in asking: “What are you doing here?”

The back of his head bangs against the metal as it falls limp, breathing hard. He twists his neck to glance through the peephole, making sure he wasn’t followed, and then he acknowledges your presence. A pause to catch his breath, and then his body dips forward, lumbering towards you.

He approaches you, and you step back instinctively. A veined forearm raises to lean against the glass above your head, and you feel caged in. Eyes illuminated by the dullest light bore into yours, “You and me,” He gestures to himself, the simple act in itself arrogant. “we’re gonna talk.” A demand that leaves no room for argument, and you can’t form a rebuttal in your shock that he stands before you.

You’re sick of the walls, you’re sick of the observation glass, you’re sick of the barriers. Stupid obstacles keeping you constantly at arm’s length are a nuisance that you overcome by marching down and to the human entrance of the same room he inhabits. You collapse your full weight onto it in order to push it open, and Jake is waiting on the other side.

“Fine!” you concede, throwing your arms up. “What do you wanna talk about? What do you have to say for yourself?”

“Jake…” a pathetic whimper slips from your parted lips, cracking as it passes through your throat, “this isn’t a good idea.” Silken, and feather-light, your protests aren’t enforced. He keeps going.

Clothes since discarded, the sterile cot might as well be a California king bed, laid out bare as he’s on his side next to you. Lips large and plump meet yours again, and you struggle to meet them, struggle to match their ferocity when you raise your head from the bed. He twists his neck, deepening it as he reintroduces just the tip of his tongue to yours. It’s huge, prying open your jaw in an ache that has you fall limp in tandem with the sweet stroke of a single finger against your clit. The pad of it feels so disproportionate on you.

“You think I forgot your looks? Don’t act like you don’t want this. I see it in your eyes.” he’d accused when you were arguing. Now you’re spread as far as you can to accommodate for his thick wrist laying in between your legs. Propped up on an elbow, your head rests just underneath his forearm, and you can feel his hand curl to toy with the ends of your hair. Your lips enclose sucking onto the bit of tongue he’s offered you. “You can’t hide from me.” he’d said against your lips before you’d first kissed this new body. Having herded you, backed you up against a wall to cage you in.

[joejhang]

theories + predictions before tgr comes out

not in any particular order. spoilers for tsc and obv aftg. if any of these happen individually i will be insufferable. bonus if more than one of these ends up being true. feeding my god complex fr.

jeremy killed a sibling. either accidentally or on purpose both works for me. tho it would be a million times more interesting if it was intentional. obv there are a million and one jeremy theories floating around but something about jeremy being a repented murderer endears me to him the most. like THAT'S the nora sakavic kinda character i know and love. anyway yeah there is definitely something weird about jer and his siblings tho. cat mentions two brothers, but so far we've only heard about annalise and bryson. cat also hesitates before saying "two brothers" so we can safely assume something happened with one of the brothers. my bet is that one of them is dead, that's why she hesitated to say. jer probably (definitely) had something to do with it. annalise also says that he ruined the family. and references the fall banquet of his freshman year. but idk if the siblings stuff and the banquet stuff is actually connected.

bryson tried to kill jer/they had a huge ugly fight/bryson was just abusive in general. i get these vibes. jer was desperate to avoid him and mentions him like once the whole book. cat mentions that he's a "tool" and a "jerk" and jer's convo with lucas about grayson is also notable, but that last part might just be bc jer's a nice guy, not to do with his own sibling issues. but yeah i think this is pretty likely, like they always had tension between them, then after mystery brother died, all of it came to a head and they had a really bad fight and someone was badly injured/nearly died.

annalise dies. this isn't very likely but i think this would be a PERFECT book two plot point. just imagine how it would WRECK jeremy. all of jer's carefully constructed masks and facades and fake smiles and pretending everything's fine would all come crashing down and it would essentially force my long-awaited jeremy crash out into action. it would force him to confront family issues, his older brother, his parents/step-parents??? and also the fact that he is deeply Not Ok™. also it would be a neat parallel that both jean and jer would now have dead younger sisters. bonus points if she dies in a car accident. if this happens i'm actually god.

kevjean interview goes horribly wrong somehow. my delusional ahh NEEDS neil to crash it but i can admit that that isn't likely and that i just miss my shayla. whatever. i'm pretty sure it's confirmed that kevjean IS having an interview together???? and since kevin is confirmed showing up in tgr i guess this will be it??? ok listen. i know nora said in the ec that kevin and jean would never be friends again, but i still have HOPE for them ok. kevjean you INVENTED one-sided homoerotic yearning. anyway i have no real thoughts about how it would go wrong probably just an interviewer stepping out of line and either jean or kevin crashing out during it. if someone attacks jean, i honestly honestly believe kevin would defend him. kevin is NOT a coward, and especially now that riko's dead and tetsuji is out of the picture, and after the whole "i've never been skiing" thing i doubt kevin is gonna be living in fear and paranoia and secrets anymore. and if he's gonna defend anyone to the press, it's obviously gonna be jean. and jean would do the same for kevin. guys i'm holding out so much hope for kevjean it's gonna ruin my life.

grayson death. is this not like, confirmed??? whatever i just need to see it happen. or hear of it happening. and i'll smile contentedly knowing that neil ordered the hit on a napkin at a thai restaurant. GOD i love that man like nobody can. it would also be very interesting to see jean, lucas and the other trojans' reactions to his death.

gameplay!!! i will admit, neil made me somewhat of an exy junkie asw. i'm so interested to see how jean narrates exy games and how the trojans play in their comps. unfortunately i doubt we'll see any championship games in book 2 but i'm hoping for book 3 and we get to see the trojans become champions for the first time!!! i have mixed feelings about the trojan red card thing but i wouldn't be mad if it happened. i kind of think it seems unrealistic tho tbh. but it WOULD be fun. yeah ummmm and i need to see like a scene where jeremy gets hurt and jean realises he cares IDC i am a SIMPLE simple girl. also i'm curious to see how the exy storyline plays out w jean. it's confirmed he never makes court, but i'm interested to see if he ends up actually enjoying the game, bc i think it wouldn't be a fitting end to the trilogy if he continues to play but resents it. i do think it is possible for the trojans to teach him how to actually love the game, but we'll see.

someone in jer's life/past committed or tried to commit. maybe it was even jeremy himself. idk i definitely think jer has some dark past, whether it includes like drugs or violence or gangs or murder idk, there's just SOMETHING there i can smell it. something that makes jeremy "captain sunshine" knox the black sheep of his rich political family. also jeremy being "unexpectedly ferocious" when jean made a quip about suicide. noted.

jeremy family drama. idk this is just a general note for uncovering more info about jeremy's complicated family. i need to know like, what's up with his dad. his dad is either dead or out of his life, because he only refers to his mother and stepfather. also why jer doesn't like being referred to by his last name and what he did to tear their family apart. contrary to popular opinion, i actually don't think it has anything to do with him being gay. i acc don't think his family knows he's gay. i feel like otherwise they would've just cut him off completely. like why is he still involved in campaigns and shit???

jerejean almost-kiss. this is just me manifesting tbh.

jeremy crash out. duh.

[lxdymoon0357]

Hi!!!

Can you do a headcanon of Rashta with a GN!reader(+ Ian and Glorym) just pure fluff?

GN!reader helps Rashta escape with Ian(they already knew Rashta is pregnant of Glorym)

GN!reader some how manage to get the certificate that says that Rashta's father already payed his dept making Rashta not a slave anymore?

Rashta and GN!reader builds a small cafe

They live in a cottage

And them just being a happy family with a successful small business <3

<you can delete this if it violated a rule and also english is not my first language. THANK YOU!!! MWAH MWAH!!!😚😚>

(My heart is supposed to heal from this, if it doesn't I'm gonna cry, but anyways!!! This is probably one of the request I've been excited to do as of late!)

© Writing belongs to me, Lxdymoon0357. Do not plagiarize, but reblogging, liking and commenting is deeply appreciated.

Flowers and berries

Rashta sighed, holding the new boy with shaky hands, after nearly dropping him the last time when you were here beside her. Of-course her stomach was also starting to show, as she wore a loose dress, a bit of her covered in flour from baking from earlier as she held Ian very gently and very safely, trying to hold him without you around for the first time...

Her arms gently wrapped around the light, warm and very delicate and fragile baby, with the same silverish-blonde hair and grey eyes and long lashes, chubby rosy cheeks, soft nose and tiny lips and even tinier fingers which entangled themselves into her hair...

as she held him, right over her bump, holding him...1 minute, 2 minutes...she was holding him! As a giddy smile spread across her lips as the baby cooed as she controlled her excited squealing she was ready to let out.

You finally entered, collecting some berries, as she whipped her head up, a wide smile on her lips as she held Ian, making you gasp with excitement and drop the basket somewhere and quickly ran to her,

crawling up to the boy near her and peppering her cheek with kisses making her giggle as Ian cooed in her arms, one of your hand under her own support Ian and the other on her side, gently rubbing her back and her bump at the same time in a way.

God she adored this life of hers..

₪ She had worked up so much of courage, so much of you handling and calming her down after episode of PTSD around Ian, who she was livid to find was alive and only kept such way to stop her. She had to be held back, ready to kill Alan and Lotteshu...but she had to be safe, since only her status as a slave was lifted.

₪ She constantly tries to work to work on her skills and trying to educate herself to be better so that her children could work hard, as long as she works hard, she can give her children permanent things, can't she? She hopes so, she worked hard for them!

₪ She constantly ready to defend them to death, so for a few reasons, she has a poison or dagger hidden somewhere incase Alan or Lotteshu come here. And she has copies of her slave certificate..paranoia doesn't really leave her life, being scared for her and her children's lives. Though she does calm down a bit, here and there and thinks rationally.

₪ Rashta's healing is rather slow, but she does it on her own pace as to calm herself, being pregnant and stress is not good for the baby, she knows that much..She takes time to herself to study and become literate at MOST if you're the one to go out and make money.

₪ I suppose we are going the Rashta bakery route, where she puts her talent in baking to use to make cakes and pastries and gets her bakery to rise in fame in the empire, adored for the simply adorable designs and very more adorable pregnant baker behind the scene, being loved by her spouse.

₪ You two work in the bakery, though popular but small, while you also work on other things..but almost anything for Rashta, no? Rashta eventually does have employ a helper or two to help around, since she does need to care for the children, and we're assuming you have another job to get more income in the household.

₪ She loves playing with her two children, keeping them under her gaze though, a bit overprotective but it's justified as she works around the place..foraging for berries, flowers and stuff to make things..Very beloved choices for things.

The roughling sounds of leaves, made your ears stand up as you looked around holding the little boy tighter in your arms, a little whistling of wind and she jumps in your arms, still careful not to wake Ian...

Your dear wife, Rashta, giggling...Sure you are having an utter panic attack because she's pregnant, but her smile does calm your heart, as you sat her down with you on the meadows,

"Are...you okay?" you softly asked her, rubbing her pregnant tummy and making Rashta look up as she nodded, a basket slung on her arm, covered tightly with a cloth and band,

"Mhm! I was just looking around for roses and berries and other edible flowers." she said smiling, lifting the cloth to show her content, a lot of stuff in it, as you sighed in relief,

"Stop running around, you're pregnant..!" you told her, gently scolding as she grinned, softly ruffling a sleeping Ian's hair as she put her head on your shoulder, placing the boy on your lap, you softly braid her hair enjoying the silence of the meadows... The smell of wildberries and flowers around you, the sun bright and life bright and your wife happy.

[dragonsdendoodles]

are any general angsty hcs u would like to share?

Y’all are not gonna like me

I could make an entire post on Jacob and Enoch’s scars, but I’ll leave it at the fact that they’ve both seen people including the other kids flinch at seeing them.

Horace has seen people’s deaths in his dreams. He refuses to divulge whose.

Hugh’s face and neck scars came from Fiona’s vines in Conference.

The canon part of this one is that Victor’s body isn’t in the September 2 loop. The headcanon is the reaction you’re imagining when Bronwyn realizes this.

All the children know where their parents’ grave sites are. If or not they visit depends on their relationship with them before they left.

Hugh at his highest point is the group’s older brother figure. Hugh at his lowest point is a near-suicidal alcoholic. He is far closer to his lowest point at the end of Desolations than he is his highest.

Jacob visits Abaton when he needs to get out of the house but doesn’t want to be bothered about his fame or his face. He has learned the complete layout and the organization of the Library of Souls. He has narrowed down his friends’ spots to anywhere between a certain wall and a select few empty spaces. He has little trinkets from each of them in those spots in case he hears a soul jar slot into place while he’s there. He can tell the difference between a jar being set on the stone and something being crushed.

He also refuses to go anywhere near the section for his fellow librarians.

On that note, he found Victor’s soul jar. It is somewhere in Miss Peregrine’s house. He will not tell anyone where it is out of paranoia. This sparked the biggest argument he’s ever had with Bronwyn and Enoch.

They all have different degrees of PTSD from the events of the series. Fiona, Hugh, and Enoch have it the worst.

Several of them also developed severe depression from it all. Miss Peregrine has had to intervene more than once.

Hugh and Fiona have almost left the loop on multiple occasions. All of them were primarily Millard’s fault.

Noor and Horace did not take the sheer amount of death very well. They didn’t learn for years how deep of a depressive spiral the other was in, and they bond over that history and the scars neither knew the other got from it.

Olive and Claire started having night terrors after the war. They don’t complain about Horace’s anymore.

Noor can’t watch Enoch use his peculiarity for multiple months after V. Not even for the homunculi.

[toomanyideasandfandoms]

Can we have creator wanting to die thing you wrote but with Xiao or venti? İ love my anemo boys. Could be a tic, or if you're lasy just write it as what you think would happen i would appriciate both if you could 🫶

Oooo!! There's an idea! Actually these two would be very interesting to write for me.

-

Venti actually in my head is most likely one of the first to find out about the creator. I've already wrote how it happened in my first oneshot for this so you can scroll my profile for it. But! It's how he acts after that really gets my brain screaming. He would be such a depressed mess, absolutely devastated with himself for harming the divine. Seeing their body turn to ash while smiling had definitely messed him up a bit.

If he finds them again then all hell breaks loose, cause he is definitely gonna try and lock them in a safe place. Though that isn't really successful since creator being so mentally broken can and will find a way to experience another death. Though they can say goodbye to falling from high places as a method cause now the winds of Teyvat just refuse to let them end up as a splatter of muscle and blood, it's especially annoying in trying to push them to safety because of Venti's active paranoia over them.

He also would be helping Nahida in spreading the word to the other archons about the situation, though he very much will take the blame for being one of the first to harm them when they first arrived.

-

Xiao? Oh god Xiao has had enough trauma this is so painful dhskdjf. Because while Xiao I can see as more of a casual follower kind of, the fact that Morax would be such a big worshipper is probably the reason why Xiao would be protective of the Primordial Mother's honor.

It's why he would have the highest kill count, both to dispell any opportunity for Morax to get angry and to uphold the creator's honorable visage.

Which is why if I feel like the more he encounters the broken creator, who is constantly seeking for a more entertaining death, the more likely he becomes...almost worried? Like he would mainly think it's just another lunatic that is super obsessed with the creator that they physically changed their image to look like them as a way to feel closer, but as time went on and each one talks about the previous' death. He would definitely become suspicious.

Normally how I think about why no one found out right away from their first time killing the creator is because it's a common thing to not look at the body of an "imposter" or "heretic" as they die, solely because seeing them in such a state while having the Primordial Mother's face would be a disgrace to them. So they typically wait until the body is gone, and by then the golden blood has disappeared.

This is how Xiao would find out, he would directly look at them as they died before him to fully understand. And upon seeing that golden does the reality of the situation hit him harder than any karmic debt pain he's felt. All those countless deaths, all those bodies that piled up from him. It was the same god, the same creator who the entirety of Teyvat loved.

It's definitely going to eat at him, practically devour his mind and almost shatter his mental state. But instead of fully breaking down, he runs to Morax, the adeptus, anyone he can think of to try to rectify the mistakes he and the others of Liyue have made.

When the creator is put into a safe place by the time the entirety of Teyvat knows, he's the first to volunteer as a guard. To make up for not protecting them like he should've from the beginning. Though this isn't gonna be good for either's mental health since the creator would just beg him to kill them, and him begging them to not say such things and to please forgive him.

[hextechmadelesbians]

Caitlyns path to destruction is really intresting in how it shows how people get pushed in to extremist thinking via grief and fear.

Historically speaking, the way fascist movements gain followers is by preying on those who have suffered recent tragedy or trauma (often as a result to social injustices or soical unrest) and basically use it to create a common false enemy. They take complex problems and emotions and say "all your problems can go away if we just get rid of those guys." This is particularly effective against dominate social groups who have almost always already been socially conditioned to think lesser of marginalised groups, whether or not they consciously realize it or not.

Caitlyn was learning the inherit injustices done by piltover and was trying to fix things by using her connections to the council. And even then when everything went to shit cause of jinx she still defended the people of Zaun. She even admitted to jayce that she understands why people are so quick to hate them all cause she was starting to feel that way, and at that point she was able to acknowledge and address it.

But then the attack at the memorial seems to confirm those negeative beliefs. For as much as caitlyn was sympathetic to the zaunites she seems to have had this idea that if you get rid of silco and jinx then suddenly all their problems will dissappear. But with an attack that had nothing to do with either of them, and with her preexsisting implicit bias, shes left with no one to blame but the collective.

Theres also the whole thing regarding the whole "i had the shot" issue. Caitlyn feels personally responsible for her mothers death because she didn't take out Jinx when she had the chance, all because Vi asked her not to. This mixed with her implicit bias becoming exceedingly more explicit, makes for a dangerous concoction for someone very open for extremist messaging.

(Sidenote: This isnt the first we've seen this in the show, back in act 3 Jayce did something very similar with the whole "you didnt tell me they were from the undercity" "im from the undercity" conversation with viktor)

This is also the thing that causes her to ultimately betray Vi, because once again she stopped her from taking the shot that she believes would of solved everything. Not only that but while Vi isnt necessarily wrong by comparing Caitlyn's actions to Jinx, saying it that way outloud was not the correct move qnd i think its what ultimately led Caitlyn to hitting her. Comparing Caitlyn to the person who murdered her mother, regardless of how true it is, was never gonna get a level headed response. Mixed with her growing fear of Zaunites now effecting how she sees Vi, it was inevitable she was going to do something impulsive shes gonna regret.

Cutting ties with Vi is also in itself going to bite her later because Vi was both her only remaining emotional rock and the one whos willing to openly criticise her. Vi will tell Caitlyn when she thinks shes wrong or doing something stupid which helps keep Caitlyn grounded. With her gone theres not really anyone who she trusts to stop her from doing something apprehensive.

This has all primed her to be the perfect target for Ambessa Maddarda, because shes emotionally impulsive enough to take rash action and vulnerable enough to manipulate, She now has access to the most powerful vassel she could hope to get (especially since Mel told her to fuck off). Ambessa has the power to manipulate the situation to make Caitlyn feel more and more justified in her paranoia of Zaunites and Ambessa can act like a yes man to all her worst impulses. Shes already fed into Caitlyns sense of personal responsibility for the council blowing up, immediately telling her that her mother will be avenged.

If im honest im not sure how Caitlyn is gonna come back from this one, i absolutely think shes gonna back out sooner than later much like jayce did. (Honestly she parallels S1 Jayce a lot which is why its kind of surprising to see people react to her going down this route with so much more vitriol than with Jayce.) Its definitely going happen but the question is if Ambessa will ever coerce her into staying in the hot seat or if she'll straight up try to kill her.

Either way this is going to be an extremely entertaining train wreck to watch.

[stormz369]

☕💖 Can I Get Your Number? ☕💖 Jason Todd Week Special! Day 4: Grave + Lifeline

A/N: this unofficial mini-chapter is part of the event being run by @jasontoddweek2025 and can be enjoyed without reading the rest of the story

Jason Todd x (f)Chubby!Reader

written with a female reader in mind, first person pov, no use of Y/N, let me know if I missed anything worth tagging!

warnings/labels: deals with character death, trauma, and healing

wc: 980

CIGYN? Chapter Selection

The rain stung against my cheeks as I trudged down the path. I pulled my cardigan tighter around myself, shivering in the cold. The first rays of morning were just starting to peek over the city in the distance, and a light fog filled the air. I could feel Wayne Manor looming behind me like a disapproving aunt as I slipped through the wrought iron gate of the Wayne family cemetery.

I could almost hear generations of Waynes demanding an explanation for my presence among them. This part of the grounds felt almost sacred, a place for the family, and only the family. And I was an outsider, intruding on their rest. But Jason was out there, alone in the cold and the wet, and something told me he shouldn't be allowed to stew in his thoughts for too long. With a murmured apology to the Wayne ancestors, I slowly made my way down the path toward Jason, who stood over a grave like some kind of gargoyle standing guard.

My feet padded softly in the puddles. I could have easily avoided them, but the sound would make sure Jay knew I was coming, and it was always best not to sneak up on him. I finally stood beside him, frowning softly; his expression was almost blank, a far away sort of look in his eyes. Never a good sign.

“... Jace?” my whispered voice cut through the stillness like a hot knife through butter. 

He blinked a bit, tilting his head toward me. “... Hey, mama.”

I gently rubbed his shoulder; “you're soaked to the bone… how long have you been out here?”

“... A while. … It's … the anniversary.”

I looked down at the grave, blinking repeatedly, as if it might change the words I was reading;

JASON PETER TODD

Sleep undisturbed within the peaceful shrine till angels wake thee with a note like thine.

“... I see ... Well … got to appreciate the irony I guess?”

He chuckled ruefully; “... For a while I suspected Bruce arranged it … he knew Ra's, he knew Talia … it seemed too far-fetched that they'd just … stolen me, without a word. And then I get back, and that's the epitaph they chose?”

I nodded. “But now?”

“It was just the paranoia talking. I know that …” he sighed softly, wrapping an arm around my waist. “Still feels weird sometimes though …”

“That's fair. It'd feel weird to anyone.” I held him closer. “... What did they even bury?”

“Ra’s gave Bruce some kind of … clone mannequin. ... Sometimes I dream that I'm down there … in a box. … I claw my way through the lid, through the dirt … it fills my mouth and I can't breathe … and when I finally get out there's a clone living my life. … It's perfect, and happy, and … everyone's better off with it. … They hate me for digging my way out.”

I cupped his cheek, gently pulling him down to kiss his temple. He stroked my hip, leaning against me more. “... What are you doing out here, baby girl? It's freezing…”

“I could say the same to you.”

He sighed softly; “... I just … sometimes I need to see it. … Reminds me I'm alive. … I'm up here, and that thing's down there. … It's not gonna steal my life from me.”

I nodded slowly, wrapping my arms around him. “I gotcha … it's staying down there, and you're staying up here with me.”

He stared down at the grave, stroking my back gently. Eventually he laughed softly; “... Of all the quotes …”

I chuckled; “well what would you have picked?”

“I dunno … not that. … Next one's gotta be better though. … Promise me?”

I nodded slowly. “Promise. ... ‘Unable are the loved to die, for love is immortality.’” 

He smiled softly; “... That's nice. Who said that?”

“Emily Dickinson.”

He nodded. “It’s perfect… It's a nice thought … love being a lifeline.”

I ran my fingers through his hair, smiling softly. Jay leaned down and kissed my shoulder. “... Ok, let's get inside, baby girl.”

I nodded, letting him lead the way back toward the house. Just crossing the gate I felt warmer, like the Wayne ancestors were silently ushering us back to the safe embrace of their living descendants. Alfred appeared as we crossed the threshold, a tray of hot chocolates in his hands. As we took a pair of mugs Bruce arrived, wrapping warm towels around our shoulders. Jason shifted, subtly leaning into his father's hands, and Damian took my hand, tugging me along to the family room where Duke was setting out handfuls of blankets. We all got comfortable on the couches, basking in the warm glow of the fireplace.

The rest of the family slowly joined us. Dick hovered over the back of the couch, hugging Jason tight for as long as he’d allow. Tim eventually stumbled through the door with a box of donuts. Cass’s hand ghosted over Jason’s shoulder as she passed him, taking a seat in silence. Steph sat next to me, offering us a small smile. No one spoke much for a long time, the weight of the day sitting heavy on everyone’s hearts. Eventually Babs joined us, rolling over to an open space between Jason and Dick.

Dick smiled softly. “... You know, if we’re going to mark an anniversary, shouldn’t it be a happier one?”

Tim snorted softly; “Ok, you wanna get together on the anniversary of the day he tried to kill me, or the day he killed all those dealers?”

“Or we could just … not?” Jason grimaced.

Bruce smiled gently. “If we’re marking a happy anniversary, it should be the first time he joined us for family dinner, after everything. … That was the day I got my son back.”

Jason blinked repeatedly, head ducking down against my shoulder. “... Whatever you want.”

Divider by: @saradika-graphics

Fanart in the header by: @crowkip

Jason Todd Week Taglist: @cottage-worm