#palpitate-hyperventilate

[disagigglebilities]

Oh wow just realized that now that I've officially had a full blown actual panic attack that my heart problems are most certainly not panic attacks 👀

[thethingything]

we've just had one of the weird as fuck panic attacks we used to get as a teenager that feel really different to the ones we normally get now, but I don't think we've had one like this since maybe early 2016 so I have no idea what to make of us having one again now

[thisismycorneroftheinternet]

I went to donate blood today because I can now, since T raised my RBC to normal levels, and whoof I could not get off that chair after the donation was over. Literally, every time I got up, thinking I was doing better, I would get all cold and woozy and lose my footing, and they'd lay me back down to rest for longer times.

[watersshed]

Me when I say this time will be different after drinking a ton of caffeine plus alcohol and then having a panic attack when I’m trying to fall asleep

[thatnonameuser]

The Red King holds a Bleeding Head

A Wonderland of Yanderes - Masterlist

Chapter 1. Heartslaybul Part 2.

How....

How did this happen?

So fast....So absurdly fast.....

Did he know?

That you weren't like him, that you were his 'darling'?

You walked numbly back to your room after all that, holding Grim so tight that he had to scratch your arms three times to get you to release him while complaining about how you were suffocating him.

"Sorry." was all you could say when you released him from your hold. You stood lamely as you watched him crawl on his own four paws back into the safety of your room. It's not safe here, no where's safe.

You shut the door behind you and your hand shakes as you reach out to grab the chair, and a part of you just snaps.

You scramble to barricade your door. The dining chair wasn't enough. You shoved one of the end tables, your armchair and the small cabinet against the door until it couldn't move and the handle couldn't jimmy.

Still, you can't relax. You choke down deep breath after deep breath, and your lungs burn like you just ran a marathon.

All that looming terror finally collapsed in on you.

What do you do? "What do I do?" You whimper softly, you feel terrified. Ace is in your dorm, he's in love with you. And he's jealous of Grim because he's sleeping in your bed. Because you didn't want to sleep alone.

Wait. What if he tries to kill Grim!?

"Henchman?" Grim's all wrapped up in his blanket cocoon, but his cuteness doesn't make the fear waver. "Human....______ are you okay?"

"I'm fine. I'm fine, Grim." You babble, but it feels more like you're trying to tell that to yourself rather than Grim, "I'm okay. Really, I'm okay. Maybe I'm wrong, maybe I'm just overreacting. Maybe he's just being nice. Maybe I'm losing my mind-" You keep spiralling, and you tremble violently as you hyperventilate.

How could this happen? Ace was the first person to actually meet you in this Twisted Wonderland. He'd seemed like a laidback enough guy that was just a little stupid. He didn't seem like an outright threat to your life. He was nice enough, was funny enough and he was someone you once wanted to be friends with.

And now your forehead burned.

The place his lips fell on your temple burned red-hot.

Your family had done that once. All you never minded it. But, now it felt dark. It felt threatening.

All you wanted to do was go home..."I just want to go home." You whisper as you sob.

What if you don't go home?

What if Ace brings you to his home, far from yours?

"_____?" Grim had managed to come into your vision. At some point in your spiralling, you'd sunk to the floor, on your knees. You could feel the echo of your violently palpitating heart in your ears. Tears had run down your cheeks, wet and sticky.

You embrace him as tightly as possible, hiccupping weakly. "I'm fine....I'm fine." You tuck your head into his fur. It's soft on your face.

"Are you sure?" his voice sounds so frail, as if your pain was being shared by him.

"No..." You say, and it's the first time you've been honest since you came in.

The adrenaline's worn off. You can feel the sharp jabbing in your thigh from a blade. Tiny drops of blood stain your bottoms. You tug it out of your waistband, hissing as it comes free.

"Why do you have a knife?"

"Just being safe, Grim." He doesn't push, maybe he senses your fear. "Let's....Let's just go to bed."

You set that bloodied knife underneath your pillow this time, just in case. And the just-in-case emergency was so much closer than you wanted. Grim doesn't squirm much in your embrace, but it's a small comfort to not be alone right now.

Though to be fair, even if he wasn't here, you probably aren't going to alone anymore now.

Sunshine comes through the cracks in the curtains and burns your eyes.

You didn't even notice that the sun came up. You feel so tired. So sleepy. Someone's knocking. So much knocking. So loud, so erratic. It makes the house echo.

Is it Ace again. The knocking stops.

"......"

"......"

Oh. Wait. It's not Ace. No, someone else is here.

You curl up tighter in your sheets, the exhaustion burning your eyes. It's just someone else. Someone else is here.

SOMEONE ELSE IS HERE?!?!?

You violently fling off your blanket, snatch the blade under your pillow , just in case and trip over your on feet as try too run and unbarricade your door. The mess and the noise mean nothing to you as you dash into the hallway, only to skid to a stop when you remember something.

Crowley had said that Darlings act a certain way, and you revealed yourself to him so fast. Was the way you normally acted what made you a darling? If that's the case then...

You walk backwards to one of the old, cracked mirrors in the hall. To be frank, you look like crap. Your eyes have heavy purple bags, and your eyes match in vivid red. Your skin looks pallid and swollen, with the tear tracks still visible on your skin, despite the tossing and turning you did last night.

You don't look fine.

But you need to be fine.

You attended a class about darlings yesterday, discovered how colossally fucked this world is and had Ace invade your personal space last night and, in the eyes of the yandere world out there, you have to be fine.

Because yanderes, in their collective insanity, are completely fine with all the awful things you discovered. They can't notice how afraid you are.

If that fear makes you a darling, you can't be afraid.

So you'll just take a deep breath, and relax, because you don't have the option of not being afraid.

You tighten your grip on the knife's handle and slowly take deep breaths.

You can hear the downstairs conversation better now.

Apparently, Deuce is the mystery guest in your foyer, if you're hearing his voice right. "You really are an idiot, Ace." No arguments there, Deuce.

"Oh, shut up! Like you're one to talk!" Ace objects, as you turn back to your room. You don't need those two people especially seeing you in your pyjamas today.

You re-enter your room to find Grim, tangled in your blankets on the floor. Whoops.

"Nyeh, Henchman, what gives?" A grumpy Grim pokes his head out of the mess of bedsheets.

"Sorry, Grim." You say as you untangle him, releasing him from the web of blankets. "I panicked and I may have overreacted."

Grumbling, Grim flops back down on the mass of sheets once he's free of them, going back to sleep immediately. You pet his fur, and the soft fur returns you to the safe spot you'd found last night.

But, you can't stay here forever, so you grab some of your clean clothes and get dressed.

You just have to keep your cool.

And you'll be okay, because you're not weak, or helpless, or fragile.

You're not a darling.

And you're not going to be anyone's darling.

But you also need to protect yourself.

And to do that you'll need allies. Friends. Who care genuinely and aren't obsessed with you. While it may be dumb, very, very dumb. The dorm leader of Heartslabyul might be your best bet when dealing with Ace and Deuce. What can two first-years do against someone that's a dorm head and has the ability to cut off their use of their magic.

You can only hope he isn't still mad at you about the entrance ceremony.

You have a plan, and all you need to do is follow it.

Go apologise the the Heartslabyul Dorm Leader.

Suck up to said Dorm Leader.

Befriend that Dorm Leader.

And Then Throw Ace and Deuce to The Metaphorical Wolves If They Try Anything.

Easy as pie.

Now if only you gave Grim that run down and had told him that you were trying to blend in.

"Move it! Outta the way! Night Raven College student comin' through!" Grim's confidently struts past 'The Seven' statues as if he owns the world. The students, milling around or walking past, separate for the overconfident cat monster to swagger like he's the most powerful mage in this Twister Wonderland.

So that brings attention to you which is already a little bad, given that you're already an alien student with no magic that crashed the entrance ceremony and destroyed a million thaumark chandelier, the added attention is worsened by the whole 'darling in disguise' problem.

Grim's loud mouth isn't just affecting you though. Grim's been loudly taunting Ace since you left Ramshackle. Which is a bit of poor choice given Ace's jealousy last night.

"Way to take the high road, Grim...." You mutter. You can see Ace's cheeks slightly flush from rage and embarrassment.

Ace growls, "Trust me Grim, when I get my magic back, your hide is first on the chopping block!" You can only hope that's a joke, or an empty threat.

"Didn't the headmaster JUST tell you yesterday, no more incidents...." Yes, thank you Deuce, a voice of reason that's not you is greatly appreciated.

"Juice, I am allowed to kill things here." Ace states, like it's completely obvious. You flinch, tightening your fists and repeating that mantra in your head. Be indifferent, like it's completely normal. Like Ace didn't just threaten Grim's life.

"I don't you'll be able to do anything with that silly collar around your neck." You say, with a small laugh. Ace flushes, hopefully from embarrassment from your FRIENDLY teasing.

You don't get to revel in that for long though. Your eyes drift to Deuce, who staring holes into Ace's head. His blue eyes hold the same ominous glint that Ace had in his when Grim had kept you apart.

"A-Anyway! You should go and apologise already, Ace!"

Is he eager to get your attention off Ace, or is it your imagination?

Ace's responding groan could probably be heard back in your home world, "I hate this so. So! Much! _____ Can't you just let me stay in your dorm already!?"

"No." You say as serious as possible. You aren't entertaining this at all, the sooner he's out of your dorm, the better.

Grim laughs, clearly enjoying Ace's misery, "Hey Henchman, let's go check out their dorm while Ace is groveling!"

"Since when did this become a field trip?!"

"What's wrong Ace, something you don't want me see~" You tease, and he shuts the hell up. You've noticed Ace never yells at you, but his temper's fraying with Grim. You mentally note never to leave the two alone.

Still, so far so good.

As terrifying as this experience has been in the last 24hrs, you have to admit it, this place is beautiful.

"Whoa..." The Heartslabyul dorm looks like the perfect mix of organised chaos. All the heart-inspired architecture feels cohesive rather than chaotic. From its doorways to its heart shaped rose bushes. It's beautiful, wonderous even.

But at the same time....

You feel so small, so insignificant outside of it. As if it dominates a controlling presence that wants to do nothing more than consume you. This is the dorm of controlling yanderes after all.

Either way, you can't afford to be lose focus right now. You're here on a mission, might as well accomplish it.

"Dang, this place is swank! This is nothing like our dumpster of a dorm." Gee, thanks Grim....Only one of us has thumbs.

"Our dorm is a work-in-progress!" You object.

"Alright let's get this over with, c'mon _____." Right, now all you need to do is find the Dorm Leader and-

"Wait. Why are is the Prefect going with you to see the Dorm Head?" Deuce asks, and the glint is back. Dark and dangerous. Shit. Right you hadn't told Deuce about that part.

Ace grins triumphantly in response, "She said she would go with me. Why? Jealous, Juice?"

Deuce flushes but that glint gets darker. "I'm not jealous!"

Ace keeps pushing it, refusing to back down. "It kinda seems like you are!"

If they're going to fight it's probably best you leave. As much as you care about them, getting their Dorm Leader on your side is your biggest concern. And you won't find him just standing here. But where do you-

You can hear a familiar tune in your ears. Someone's humming.

You can hear someone humming something. A tune all too familiar to the one you heard last night in your dream.

Unlike last time, you scoop up Grim for a defense just in case. The dorm is full of rose bushes, it will go down in flames if your plan goes up in them.

The path inside the bushes isn't one leading to a garden, but a rose maze. High edges decorated with rose bushes or potted rose plants, with red cans of paint and paintbrushes scattered here and there. The maze reminds you of your dream last night, from the soft grass to the half painted white roses. The smell of fresh paint in the maze overpowers the sweet smell of the roses. Some drops of paint drip of the fragile rose petals, staining the grass.

The humming is getting louder, and you turn a corner when the song is interrupted when the singer stops to comment on his work, "Aww yeah, I am getting my paint on!"

You finally reach a break in the bushes, where the rose bushes part to reveal an area partially decorated. Crates of decorations are stacked meticulously in what has to be the most orderly way possible. The corners line up near exactly. Streamers and garlands are already pre hung and if it wasn't for the scattered croquet poles in the ground you wouldn't have known what it was for.

"Ah, someone's here." Grim says.

Grim's right, there's an orange-haired man with a diamond shaped mark, just under one of his eyes. He's using one of those magic pens to change the colour of the roses from an ivory white to a deep and bright red. He doesn't seem to notice you, too occupied with the roses.

"They all gotta be red, or it's 'off with my head'!"

Whoa, Deja vu.

His song...it's tune nearly matches the one you heard last night, in your dream. He's painting the white roses a bright red. How did you dream something so similar? They say life imitates art, but since when did you dream the future.

"Hey Prefect, why'd you leave?" It's Ace's loud voice that gets the rose-painter to turn. So far you met, an ace of hearts, a deuce of spades, and now a diamond, if the ink on his face is right.

"Huh...? You guys need something?"

"What exactly are you doing here?" You ask, this is way too similar, near identical.

He laughs, "Are you blind?" He teases, "I'm painting these roses red, duh."

Ace and Deuce are surprised, but you aren’t, "What? Why?"

'The Queen loves red roses, and I planted white ones by mistake, so I'm painting the roses red' That's what he's doing. The same thing the card soldiers did in your dream.

The diamond laughs, "So naive, you put the "n" in newb." He stops mid laugh as his eyes light up in recognition, "Hold the phone, I know you! You're the ones who broke a billion-thaumark chandelier and nearly got expelled for it, yeah?" You swallow back a sigh of relief at the mention of the chandelier rather than the other thing.

"That chandelier is gonna haunt us till the day we graduate, isn't it?" You disagree, one day this entire experience is going to be used as a lovely example to the kids you'll maybe have about why you shouldn't go into strange carriages in the middle of the night.

"And you!" You jolt as he points again, and nearly collapse in relief when you see that his finger is pointing at Ace. "You're the one who ate the Dorm Leader's tart that same night!"

"You guys are THE hot topic around campus! I've gotta get in on this fleeting fame." He advances phone in hand, hooks an arm around you in particular, dragging the two of you into the dead center of the camera's eye. " I'm just gonna grab a selfie real quick..."

"W-Wait a sec-" you try to object, but he doesn't pay heed to your objections.

"Say 'Yay!'" You hope for once in your life that was the most unattractive photo you've ever taken, the last thing you need is a school full of yanderes chasing after you.

"It's cool if I post this on Magicam, right? Gimme your names so I can tag you."

Well, now you have an issue. You can't-

"I'm Deuce Spade."

"Ace."

"I'm Grim, and that's my henchman, _____."

Geez, thanks guys. As you were originally thinking, you can't, or rather couldn't, give out your name because if your face and name are plastered out for all the yanderes on this island to see you could be put in grave danger should they try to claim you. But that's not something you get to contemplate now. Yay....

"Uploaded! Sweet."

Is he not going to introduce himself? So far, your first impression was that he was a selfie fanatic, but otherwise he seems harmless. Except for the incredibly fast boundary crossing.

As if reading your mind, he answers your thoughts. "Oh, I'm Cater Diamond, by the way." The four of diamonds, so now you had an ace of hearts, deuce of spades, and the four of diamonds. Now all that you needed was a three of clovers. "I'm a junior here at Heartslabyul. But Cater is fine. Or Cay-Cay if you're cray-cray! So nice to meetcha." His one armed hug finally releases, and you brush yourself off.

Wow, he seems.......superficial. "It's a pleasure." You lie.

"Ah, you're the prefect of that so-called Ramshackle House dorm, right? Like, I can't believe you actually live there! It's all gloomy and looks like hot garbage on Magicam. No filter could salvage THAT dump." Wow. Rub salt in the wound. This relationship is off to a great start.

Maybe this is a good thing. If he's being kind of mean, maybe he doesn't have feelings for you. That's good.

"Y'know, you've done nothin' but diss us here, pal!" Normally, you would agree with Grim but if this is his normal way of acting then you are in the clear.

For some reason that statement makes Cater flip like a coin. "Gah, what am I doing? I don't have time to chat!"

While you would prefer not to hang out around this guy, the 'allies and friendships plan' requires you being around people who are not Ace and Deuce. "What's wrong."

"The party's tomorrow. If we're not ready, it's "off with my head!" Well that explains all the party decorations. And considering he's here by himself no wonder he's stressed. "Hey, you kids wanna help me paint some roses?"

"Yeah, uh.....Why are you doing that exactly?"

"Because red roses are so much more photogenic! Or.....something...?" Is he trying to get you to do this for him? That's what this feels like. As if pushing for sympathy, Cater proceeds to list off all the tasks he has to do for the party.

Helping him out might be to your benefit. What better way to endear yourself PLATONICALLY to someone than to do kind things like helping him and his dorm out when you're under no obligation.

Thus working into your plan. Let's do this

"Again with the questions!" You're thrown out of your plotting when you hear Cater's objection, Listen, I need these roses to be red. Like, yesterday. Can't you guys help out with magic or something?"

"I can help you." You smile while raising your hand, they all turn your attention to you and you can see that brightness return to Ace and Deuce's eyes. Still, you can't pay attention to that now. "I-I don't have magic but I can help by doing it the old-fashioned way."

"You wanna help me? TYSM!" Cater tackle-hugs you, squeezing you tight and lifting you off your feet. You laugh, and you spare a glance at the two now raging jealous duo you call friends.

"Guys? You wanna help me out? I'll-" You contemplate your words, "I'll owe you one." The idea of manipulating them into your scheme makes you feel a little guilty, besides they probably didn't-

"SURE!" They didn't even hesitate.

"Oh, but Ace is on magical house arrest and _____ is a total normie, so you two better stick to paint."

"Recolor the roses with magic..." Deuce contemplates uneasy, but he doesn't refuse. Was it because you asked him, or the IOU. Maybe that gamble will bite you in the ass later.

"Relax, it'll be fine. You got this! But maybe do it before I lose my head? K-thanx."

And so that's what you did.

Or rather, what you and Ace did. Deuce and Grim are struggling a little, but Cater tries to help guide them. With limited success.

Deuce's attempts at casting the roses red cause those pale roses to change to every colour of the rainbow instead of red, or one of its otherwise named shades.

Grim was even worse off, as he burned the roses with every cast spell. He ends up stamping out the flames in a panic as he tries to keep the hedges and rose bushes from burning down all around you.

Ace is grumbling about having to paint without magic, destroying some of the rose blossoms in the progress.

You on the other hand fly through each of the huge roses pretty quickly, once you get the hang of it. The roses are fragile, and the brush needs to be angled correctly to prevent the flowers from being destroyed, but you get the hang of it. You lean down to paint another of the comically large roses.....

......When feel a hand brush your ear, and push something smooth behind it.

You jolt upwards. Looking back and forth for any sign of...."Cater?"

Cater pushes a finger against your lips, mirroring it with his own with a shushing sound. A cheeky smile on his lips. You reach up to touch the object he'd slipped behind your ears and feel...petals.

You blink as you pry it loss. And Cater's gone when you open your eyes.

In fact, he's back over where he's directing Deuce like nothing's ever happened.

Cater couldn't have vanished in the second you blinked and got all the way over to the rose bushes on the other side of the croquet arena. How exactly did he do that?

You shake your head, turning your attention to the gift. It's a rose. A beautiful, fragile white rose painted red by paint splatters. It's far from perfect, the different sized splatters are haphazard, but it feels more beautiful that one that was perfect.

But the red splatters also remind you of blood. Like blood sprayed onto a canvas. Still, the paint smells of paint, and you quite literally just meet Cater. The rose is just flirtation. Probably.

Still, you aren't here for love.

You crumple the beautifully painted blossom in between your two hands. The red paint flaking off and the white petals bruising. It was a nice gesture, really. But you can't accept it.

"All your rules are completely insane!" Grim complains loud enough to pull you out of your stupor. You do your best to scatter and hide the crumpled petals in the grass, before rejoining the others as Cater explains.

"They say the Queen of hearts made up these rules herself-she was one of the Great Seven, you know."

"Yeah, I read about them..." And about how the rules nearly drove the King of Hearts as mad as the Mad Hatter, why a dorm would want to.....Nevermind, this world is full of crazy people, why waste your time. "Her rules and traditions are maddening."

"And Riddle is all about tradition. Probably more than previous Dorm Leaders, TBH. He's a bit...well...extra."

"Yeah, no kidding! I don't have time for this nonsense. Is Riddle here? I gotta talk to him."

"Yeah, probably." Great, now let's just- "But are you sure that's wise? did you even bring an apology tart to replace the one you ate?" What?

"Uh, no.....? I came here first thing this morning."

"Ah. Ah. Ah....That could be a problem." No, no. Please don't say that they were strings attached.

"What's wrong?" You ask. You skimmed over the first two dozen rules of the Heartslabyul dorm, before realizing you didn't have time for that and moving on to Savanaclaw. You hope it wasn't important, you really don't want Ace to stay in your dorm tonight.

"Have you forgotten rule 53? 'Stolen items must be replaced.' If you're not in compliance, I can't let you in."

"You've gotta be kidding me." You object. If Ace can't apologise to Riddle, then you won't be able to sleep or feel safe in your own dorm. And the longer he stays mad at Ace, then the longer he'll be alone with you in your dorm.

"Are you serious?!"

"All dorm residents must obey the rules. If I let you slide, it would be off with my head next." Just how strict is this dorm?!

"Can't you make an exception?" You practically beg. Maybe you should have onto that rose, then you could have used it against him or something. Damn it.

Cater shakes his head. "I hate to say it, Ace, but I'm gonna need to leave before Riddle spots you. Thanx."

After Ace and Deuce got their asses kicked, Cater was kind enough to remind you of what was going to keep Ace in your dorm for another painstaking night. "Do make sure you bring that tart next time, m'kay. Buh-bye now!"

He pushes all of you out of the rose maze, but his grip lingers on you for a moment. Cater leans into your ear, "BTW, don't destroy someone's gift right in front of them, darling~" he whispers, before releasing you and vanishing into the maze again.

You'd felt your heart stop. How? How did he find out? You acted as normal as possible and you just met! Was that a test?! Had you failed?!

Ace, Deuce and Grim are debating their loss and licking their wounds. But you can't find it within yourself to care. Why did this keep happening? You didn't even do anything wrong!?

But that's what keep happening, isn't it? You do everything right but you still get punished for it! Were you just doing something wrong this whole time?!

Is there something you're not doing?

"...!" Deuce's noise of surprise knocks you out of your thoughts.

"What's wrong?" You ask, but your mind is still elsewhere.

Whatever they you can't here, the blood still roaring in your ears. But Deuce grabs your arm and all of you run to the hall of mirrors.

Deuce looks back once to give you a small smile, and that light in his eyes is there. The light of his infatuation, that blinds him from your pain but when you think about it....

Now that you think about it, Deuce, outside of the jealousy he shows you when Ace provokes him, is pretty calm most of the time. Is it possible to use that to aid yourself? To take advantage of that to your benefit? You did need allies, after all.

Is it cold to take advantage of someone? Yes, but if things get bad, desperate times call for desperate measures.

Besides, wouldn't he do that to you?

[armandology]

sorry i havent been posting much about devils minion lately. but its because they're so special to me that i start getting heart palpitations and hyperventilating when i think about them for too long

[kimsohn]

𓇼 3:04 am

pairing . eric x gn!reader about . 499 words, fluff warnings . none! tagging . @gfksn @invuwrld @stealanity

honestly, eric has to applaud how committed you are to this.

it's pitch black outside, and even though he doesn't know the exact numbers, he can tell it's far past your bedtime. it's far past anyone's bedtime, really, as he sees sunwoo knocked out next to a half-asleep sangyeon. the long hours of partying after another successful award show win seem to have taken a toll on everyone in this car, and he can't blame them for resting.

you especially have been nodding off for the entirety of the ride. however, the only thing keeping you from falling asleep is a surface to rest your head on, so every time your head veers even slightly to the left, you readjust yourself only to nod off again.

eric doesn't know whether to find it funny or maddening. he wants to yell at you that his shoulder is right there and that he would literally be the last person to care about you using it. however, you don't seem to have any plans of popping the question, opting to try and sleep upright (and fail) instead of being comfortable.

so eric does it for you.

"y/n, you know you can sleep on my shoulder, right?" he whispers, tapping the side of your head to wake you up.

"hm? oh," you respond, rubbing your eyes awake, "are you sure? it might be uncomfortable."

"it's fine, really. i don't mind."

normally, you would've argued more, but eric can tell you're too tired to care. you curl up into his side, wrapping your hands around his right arm like a pillow and resting your head on his shoulder.

your head on his body does make it a little hard to breathe, but he can't tell if it's because of the weight of your head or if he's hyperventilating at this close proximity. maybe the sleep had made him delirious, but he'd completely forgotten that yes, he did indeed have a major crush on you and yes, you clinging to him like a koala bear would make his heart palpitate.

he wonders if you can hear his heart beating out of his chest or the deep breaths he's having to take in this position. whatever he feels doesn't matter though, because he would sacrifice his breathing for the rest of eternity just to make sure you were safe.

okay, that might be a little too much (nothing is ever too much when it comes to you).

you feel as if you were meant to be there, so correct that eric is already imagining waking up next to you every day, your head on his chest and your hands around his torso. he closes his eyes, envisioning a lazy sunday morning with you and just you.

and maybe the party had taken a toll on eric too, or maybe your very presence had lulled him to a dreamy sleep, because as sangyeon wakes up when the car reaches their destination, he spots eric's head resting atop yours.

he'll give you two lovebirds five more minutes of peace. the universe can thank him later.

[ptolomia]

Can you write a luke x bau reader , where Luke is inlove with reader but is in a relationship with Lisa because he think she doesn’t love him back. Reader obviously heartbroken he’s taken and rants to Penelope about her feelings and luke hears.

She laughs like you

Pairing: Luke Alvez x Fem!BAU!Reader

Warnings: Angst, Mutual Pining, Open ending, Reader has outstanding morals.

In fact, it was one of the first things Luke had noticed about Lisa. The way her breaths came and her chuckles struck as melodiously as yours. The way her lips twisted in the same direction yours would. He almost felt guilty as the days passed and her face slowly morphed into an image of you.

He thought he could bear it, find happiness in the way her laugh wasn’t quite yours, her smile wasn’t as crooked and chaotic. Her breaths didn’t come the same way, her joy wasn’t as pure. Still, Luke bore it, he smiled, laughed, planted kisses on her skin all while he searched for fragments of you in her soul.

You, on the other hand, could not bear it any more than he could. The outward appearance of bliss had clouded their image. You spent nights sleepless, searching for echoes of him in your dreams. Watching his frenzied journey to make his home hers, to embed his dreams into her heart. You felt your soul break apart.

Until one day the flow of your sanity had finally run dry. You had just arrived at your desk, prepared to tackle the mountain of paperwork that stood atop your desk until the sound of Matt and Luke’s conversation began to surround you. You listened as he eagerly spoke about her. The way he could barely contain his chuckles as he spoke, the way his cheeks flushed as Matt teased him relentlessly. You couldn’t do it anymore.

Standing up, you shuffled to Penelope’s office almost immediately. Barely shutting the door behind you as you hyperventilated. “What’s wrong sugar-” She was cut off by the way you collapsed into her arms.

“Pen, I can’t do it anymore,” you sobbed the words barely escaping. “I-I can’t smile and pretend to be happy for them anymore. I love him Pen! I don’t know how much more I can take before I go insane! I wish more than anything that I could swallow my feelings and be happy for him but the pain is eating me alive.”

She was speechless, instead of speaking she planted her hand on the back of your head, stroking your hair to ease your pain. “I know sweetheart, I’m so sorry.” she whispered.

Luke didn’t mean to eavesdrop, in fact he just wanted to know what was wrong. His heart hurt just thinking about you in pain, he foolishly followed you to Garcia’s office, only meaning to offer help. He hadnt expected that you of all people would feel so strongly about him. He was shell shocked, he was unable to move, or breathe, heck he couldn’t even knock. She just stood outside Penelope’s door listening to his head break as your sobs slowed.

“Stay there, sugar, I’ll go fetch you some coffee for your nerves.” She said, standing as you grasped your chest, finally beginning to calm down. Until you hear Penelope cuss.

“What the fuck?” She says, as you turn your chair swiftly. Your face dropped at the sight of Luke standing outside her door. When did he get there? Did he hear all that? You’re palpitating again, holding your head in you hands as you prepare to cry again. He breathes out your name, practically running to you after Garcia tells you two to talk.

“What do you want, Luke? Do you want to chew me out? To chastise me?” you say, your eyes stinging from all the tears. “Please, just listen?” he begs you.

“Listen, I know I have no right to say this to you but for what it’s worth, I love you.” He says shakily, barely mustering the courage to continue. “I chose Lisa because she reminded me of you. Because her laughs, he’s smiles, the way she speaks all remind me of you.” He laughs humourlessly. “I know that sounds awful but it’s true, I learned to love her because I love you.” You watched as a single tear fell from his eye. “So please, give me a chance, let me finally love you.” You couldn’t help but burst out laughing.

You didn’t understand what compelled you to giggle maniacally but you did. “Are you serious?” You ask rhetorically. Watching as his pain became embarrassment “You’re right about one thing, you do have no reason to say this to me.” Your giggles finally seize. “I do love you Luke but I deserve more, fuck, Lisa deserves more.” You say, clearing your throat. “If you loved me you would’ve chosen me, not someone who acts or sounds like me. You would choose me!” you were practically yelling at this point, “Let me make this very clear, I love you, but I don’t love you enough to hurt Lisa. I may not be her friend but I’m not her enemy either. You’ll leave us both alone, and you’ll come clean.” Shaking your head you finally look him in the eye. “Give us peace, heal, and then come and find me.” You walk to the door and Slam in behind you.

God, did you just do that?

[neuroticboyfriend]

my anxiety is crippling, in those words exactly. and if that's a problem, well, you can fucking die mad about it.

the line between "mental" and "physical" illness isn't a line at all. my anxiety and POTS both cause heart palpitations, tachycardia, high blood pressure, light-headedness, hyperventilation, panic, fatigue, brian fog, and more. both of them disable me, physically and mentally!

why is only one of those allowed to be crippling? why on earth would i let ableism and sanism decide what i call my own illness? get real.

[2012wannabe]

10 minutes vs. A lifetime

my first fic in years! Lemme know what u think!!

wc: 1k

cw: Abby Anderson x AFAB!reader(reader has breasts), reader has a history of sa/rape by a man and has a panic attack during sex. honestly just some mentally ill shit

Notes for my fanfiction

Tugging Abby’s arm, you pulled her into your living room from your kitchen and firmly pulled her into a kiss.

“What’s this?”

“I can do it. I think I can.”

“Are you sure you want this? I don’t want you to do this because you think you have to.”

“I appreciate that,” you said with a small smile.

“But I promise you that I want this.” You grabbed her arms, touching her hands and her wrists. You had always been obsessed with her arms, not just her biceps and her shoulders but her forearms down to her fingers, they just caught your eye every time especially when she wore those muscle tanks you like. Abby nodded and kissed you back, and you were excited. Not just horny excited, but excited.

Sometimes you went through phases where all you could think about were his hands and his touch leading to you having panic attacks when you had sex. You couldn't separate her touch from his and you inexplicably hated it. You loved Abby, and not being able to be intimate with her made you sad. She was so good about it too, saying that she’d gladly be celibate if it meant she got to be with you. (You cried after because of how much she loved you and she looked so concerned until you explained).

You pulled your shirt over your head and tried to unclasp your bra all sexy knowing how much Abby loved your breasts. You kissed her again and placed her hands on your waist letting her feel you up and rubbing down your back to grab your butt and slap it. You gasped into the kiss when she did and pushed yourself closer to her.

“I fucking love you.” She whispered.

“I fucking love you too.”

You pushed her to sit down on the couch, sitting on her lap and grinding against her. It had been so long, too long. Abby mumbled something you didn’t quite catch but you didn’t care, even just grinding against her thigh through your pants and hers sent a shock down to your core. She moved you momentarily to take off her pants and welcomed you back in her arms. You kissed again and let her feel and grope your butt and thighs when all of a sudden a little twinge of negative emotion started in your chest. You couldn't tell what it was quite yet but your brain scrambled knowing a panic attack was near. You kissed her more fiercely because you really did want this. She picked you up and laid you on the couch unbuttoning your pants and that little tiny twinge turned into something much more. Your heart started beating rapidly, palpitating so much so that you heard and felt it in your ears and chest. You lost your breath, starting to hyperventilate looking up at her panicked but mostly sad. She left your pants alone and asked,

“Are you okay baby?” She knew it was a pointless question, but talking grounded you. You wanted to say you were okay, but your eyes watered and tears leaked down your cheeks. Softly touching your face, she wiped your tears and sat you up still crying.

“I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.” You hiccupped.

“I know you feel like you have to say it but I promise you that you don't have to apologize. It's okay. It's okay my love.”

“Fuck, why can’t I just do this?” You muttered. You clung to Abby's touch, finding solace in her unwavering presence.

"I'm here," Abby murmured softly.

"You're not alone. I love you.” She said, moving to get your shirt.

“Is it okay if I, or do you need to do it?”

“It's okay, you can do it.” You tried to smile at her but it came out pained. I wish it was over, you thought. Why is it that ten minutes for him had to become a whole lifetime for me? You cried even harder with the panic attack over with and buried your head in your arms. She gently raised your arms, slipping your shirt over your head and still sat right by your side, rubbing circles into your back and whispering comforting words to you which in a way made you feel worse. You didn't want Abby to have to deal with your problems and as much as you knew she would be appalled if you ever said it you still felt like you were a burden to her. You loved the feeling of being taken care of but you felt bad when people did. You felt guilty and unworthy even though you knew consciously you were absolutely worthy of love and care. Especially not being able to do something as natural as have sex with your romantic partner made you feel like you weren’t enough. Your lip quivered again and all you could do is cry into her shoulder and rush out another string of apologies. She continued to comfort you until the tears stopped and you were finally able to catch your breathe and ask,

“Do you mind if I have a moment to myself? I just want to sleep.”

“Of course.” She said giving you a genuine smile. Your heart twisted a bit but you got into you and Abby’s shared bed and wrapped your arms around yourself under the covers. You tried to close your eyes but your brain wouldn’t let up. Some time passed and you rolled around despite the whole ordeal exhausting you.

“Abby?” You called.

“Yeah?” She called back, instantly walking over into the bedroom.

“Can you lay with me?”

“Of course baby.” So she got into bed and you wrapped her arm around you and cuddled into her anyway already feeling your body relax.

“I’m sorry you have to deal with my problems.”

“I love you so so so much, you know that right?”

“I know.”

“And you know you will never ever ever be a burden to me right?” Fuck.

“Yeah I know.” You kissed her for the last time that night and let her love be the last thing you felt before you drifted off to sleep.

[kenziezie]

(he caught you and you're losing consciousness from the hyperventilation <3) anyway!! this is lucas <333 human bean to pair with my borrower mags, has a flat personality to match how apathetic he is about a borrower living in his house despite being aware of his presence since day one he knows mags is there, making tunnels in his walls and stealing his food and overstaying his welcome, but he doesn't much care about any of it beyond the property damage he just likes to... y'know... give him heart palpitations sometimes, as recompense

i really wanted to make him look as unemotive as possible, because as a tiny what could be more terrifying than a giant who shows neither joy nor anger at your presence? a giant who shows nothing at all, so you are completely unaware of your fate :)

[katerinaaqu]

Little fun fact: in my story Survivor's Guilt and Survivor's Duty I based Odysseus's lament for his lost men and his panic being alone in the sea off the amazing actress Zoe Saldana in her portrayal of Neitiri's lament off the dead body of her son

I believe you can see the dialog parallels

"No Great Mother! No Great Mother! Oh, my son!"

"Athena...no Athena! No Athena! No Pallas not my men! No!"

That phenomenal acting was in a way what I needed for the absolute terror of losing everyone you have left and be left alone to fight the sea (I also took some elements from other laments even from the classic early 2000s movie "Van Helsing" and the acting of Hugh Jackman as Van Helsing holds the body of Anna Valerius).

The fast pace of escalation of her lament (in harmony with palpitations of heart or someone literally rasping for breath when they hyperventilate) was what I needed for that moment for Odysseus given the situation he was in and how his faith is just a lament now. Odysseus doesn't believe that Athena would even be able to do anything in that situation but he prays to her out of seer instict for there is nothing else he can do. And that part helped me a lot to imagine what he would do.

He prays, fists the water as if he expects to dig in it or pull someone out of it and cries and screams for there is no one around and he no longer can or needs to hide his emotions which he had to for most part of his trip in my opinion so that he would remain strong for his men. In one way his emotions break loose when he realizes all was for nothing and that he lost every single person he had left and he himself is alone out at the sea. In one way I thought his emotions would just break loose. He was strong way too long and he just had more than anyone could take. In one way that was also so that it would lead to his breakage emotionally in Ogygia when he is imprisoned but in a way when he breaks once and puts himself back together he builds up his strength and determination to go back to his house.

It also helps himself to release some of his emotions first then even if he was severely traumatized he tries to collect himself in Ogygia and finally fighting the sea once more to get to Scheria and there he actually built up enough strength inside him to narrate his story and give out the gruesome details of his arduous trip (or almost all of them because he doesn't really speak of his experience in Ogygia apart from the fact that Calypso had him imprisoned and wanted him as her husband)

You can read that first part here:

[lemonadecandy]

Meeting Zhongli [Part 11]

Game: Genshin Impact

About: Zhongli x fem!reader

Note : The premise is that 'you' get transported into the game and journey through Teyvat along with the traveler. This is a reinterpretation of the Liyue Archon Quests. Hope you enjoy~

Warning: Mentions of violence, slight profanity.

I had failed to come up with any conclusions on the geo archon’s behavior. The quests had caused us to relentlessly run around Liyue, then in the off-time, my mind would wander elsewhere, trying to enjoy the semblance of peace I had attained in the last few days. 

And now, I find myself facing him once more. But he had ended up keeping to my  request  of ignorance. I suppose I wasn’t too surprised, he was still being  courteous  to me. Maybe it was because of all the time that had gone by, but the awkward tension between us had subsided to a large degree. I didn’t feel like I was hyperventilating with fear every second he was close to me. 

“La lala la~!”, the traveler concluded her song. It hadn’t been much, but I was surprised to find out that Lumine’s voice was unexpectedly melodious. Perhaps because of her status as a warrior, she tends to speak in a stern tone. Now that she had softened it into a gentler one, it was strangely soothing to listen to.

But just as I had anticipated, instead of a beautifully blooming Glaze Lily, what we found were whopper-flowers. I had already taken a step back with caution and hence was spared from the sudden burst of icicles that jutted out of the ground. My companions quickly dodged the assault as well. “What happened? These flowers are jumping!”, Paimon screeched as she frantically flew around. “Is it because we sang a song from Mondstadt, and they don’t understand because they are from Liyue? Quick, traveler!”

At her command, Lumine jumped in front of one of it and impaled it with her geo construct. 

Just as she managed to finish one off, the other popped out right next to her, shrouding her in an icy mist. But with a few slick maneuvers, the second one was down as well. I silently let out a sigh of relief as the enemy slowly withered to dust. Even though I have gotten used to the constant violence that I encounter in this world, I still can’t stop myself from palpitating in shock. I really need to learn how to maintain my cool, especially in front of such ‘measly’ enemies. 

And just as I had loosened up my tense nerves I was suddenly pulled to the side.  That’s right! There were supposed to be three! Two whopper-flowers are too easy of a challenge. 

“Y/n!” The geo archon called out to me as he pushed me to stand behind him. Reacting to Zhongli’s movements, Lumine swiftly swooped to finish the job. 

“Eek!”, Paimon yelped, pulling onto my hair as she too sought protection behind the shield created by the archon.

After checking for any other whopper-flowers in our vicinity, the traveler rushed towards me. “Haven’t I told you to  always  stay by my side?”, she frowned.

I let out a guilty laugh as I looked away from the gaze of the trio. Their worry made me a little uncomfortable. “That  always  ends with  me  getting in your way and  you  getting injured.”

“Me better than you.”, she huffed as she glanced at my forearm. Following her gaze, I realized that it was bleeding. The wound wasn’t severe in any regard, it seemed like one of the icicles had ended up grazing me.  I suppose it isn’t that bad because of… him.

Peeking a glance at Zhongli, I begrudgingly mumbled, “Thank you.”

“No need…”, he indecisively stared at me with a long pause but ultimately ended up saying nothing.

Feeling awkward and confused by his actions I cleared my throat as I tried to get back on track, “So… what about the glaze lilies?”

And just as those words came out, Ganyu made her entrance. 

══════════════════

Having finally completed all the preparations for the Rite of Parting, we started making our way back to Liyue Harbour. I glanced at the setting sun whose heat was slowly waning in intensity. I wanted to feel relief that this arduous quest was finally coming to an end, but I knew what was yet to come.  A dragon versus a harbinger, heck even a god.  I sighed in mellow.  I suppose I have already fought a ‘god’ once. 

I timidly glanced at Zhongli who was walking behind us, only to catch him looking at me as well. He had constantly been peering at me.  Did he find something to be suspicious about…?  But just like every other time I fought him, he only looked away, avoiding any deliberation.

And right as I turned my head forward, he called out to me. “Y/n, wait.”

I skeptically turned around and noticed his hand that hovered in the air, uncertain if he should grab my shoulder. But he quickly put it away as I had already responded to him. “Just say it… You are freaking me out with your hesitation. Did you change your mind?”, I cocked my head sideways in annoyance. At this point battling Childe beats staying around his confusing moods. “Want to kill me now?”

“No. I am not a mindless killer Y/n. As we agreed, as long as you don’t take action against this nation, I will not do ‘anything’.  Despite  what your status regarding that possible danger, maybe.”, he spoke with a certain intensity. I couldn’t quite place the expression on his face.

“I see… Then what is it?”, I looked back towards Lumine and Paimon, who were not too far away, but still out of hearing range. They were too busy talking about food to realize that the two of us had hung back. “And hurry up.”

Nodding at my words he suddenly started rummaging around his pocket dimension with determination. Finding what he was looking for, Zhongli pulled out what seemed like a feather. It was a regal yellow, almost golden, but the ends were deep brown. The tip of the shaft had been inserted onto what looked like a traditional Liyue ornament. If I wasn’t wrong, it looked similar to the badge that the Millelith wore, only that this specimen looked a bit old-fashioned. Zhongli extended his hand towards me, motioning me to take it.

“This is an old artifact crafted by the adepti. It is imbued with some of my own power, letting anyone who correctly activated it, receive its protection. The feather is only one part of a set of five that have already been lost to time.”  Wait a minute— I know where I have seen this!  “I am afraid it isn’t as powerful without its counterparts, but it should still help. I may not have your gift of foresight, but I am an adequate judge of my actions to realize that you this can be of help…, especially in the  near  future.”

I slightly gasped with realization as I understood the connotations of his words.  Is he talking about Childe…?  Eyeing the ‘artifact’ in his hand, a sudden recollection hit my mind.  Tenacity of the Millelith , that’s what the set was called, right?  That  will certainly be helpful.

But instead of taking the help, I was offered I took a step back as I glanced at Zhongli cautiously.  Why is he doing this? I don’t understand. I don’t understand him.

Reacting to my response, Zhongli quickly tried to explain, “I understand that you don’t want anything to do with me. But perhaps  I  know better than anyone how vulnerable  you  can be during combat.”

“I don’t see how that’s supposed to make me  want  that feather.”, I scoffed in offense.

“I do not mean to belittle you. I… Please… take this.”, he took a step toward me. “We shall probably never cross paths again. Consider this a sign to commemorate the goodwill found through our contract.”

Goodwill? Seriously?  I let out a sigh of frustration as his words sunk in. I don’t think I am ever going to get used to his behavior, I suppose that’s expected…  he isn’t human.   Despite my pride desperately revolting, I accepted the artifact. I had promised myself a long time ago that to protect myself, I would do anything, it was a  contract  I had made with myself. Back when I was in the deepest pits of despair, when I was on the brink of death.  That’s right… anything goes.  But surprisingly as I accepted Morax’s gift I didn’t feel as bad as I thought I would.

Zhongli’s eyes seemed kind, just like when we had drinks at the dock, or when he comforted me near the statue of the seven. I didn’t understand him or his actions, but he felt  reassuring . As if truly  believed  me and didn’t think I was some freak of nature. Maybe that’s because  he isn’t human.  Supernatural must be the norm. I sighed as memories of similar kindness flittered through my mind.

“Psst! Hey! Whatever you are thinking— don’t do it!”, an energetic voice called out to me from somewhere beyond the iron bars of the prison.

Broken out of my daze of hopelessness, I weakly looked around, terrified that the flame user was back already. “Here! In front of you.”, the voice called out to me once more.

I squinted my eyes trying to make out the figure in the darkness, and sure enough there stood a boy in his teens right outside the prison bars. “Who are you..?”, I asked cautiously. ‘What are the knights pulling this time?!’ I couldn’t make out any details other than his height and form.

“I happened to hear what you have been claiming about Dvalin, I want to know more~!”, he spoke, entirely ignoring my question. ‘Don’t tell me…’

“Listen, boy, you shouldn’t be here, if the knights find you… it won’t be pretty. Whatever you heard were just silly rumors…”, I sighed realizing the situation. “…just some ‘crazy’ ramblings of a ‘crazy’ woman—”

“They aren’t crazy… I believe you.”, the boy instantly replied. I squinted once more, feeling an overwhelming sense of familiarity in his voice. And as if to quench my growing curiosity, he stepped forward into the dim light of the lone lamp near my cell. “If I set you free~, will you answer my plea~?”

“You—“, my eyes widened in recognition. “Venti?!”

“Oh~? We have never met, and yet… you know my name?”

“What are you doing here?”, I questioned the anemo archon, still trying to process the appearance of yet another familiar persona.

“I am here to break you out, only if you allow me the bout~”, he nonchalantly rhymed as he pulled out some keys from his pockets, keys that most likely matched the lock on my cage.

Dazed by the sudden occurrence of ‘good luck', I questioned the boy in a mumble, “W-why?”

“Like I said, I believe you. And I also want to help Dvalin, I trust that you understand the correlation?”, the archon held out the keys towards me from between the rods, as if beckoning me to a challenge. “So? Do you want to help me… and ‘yourself’?”, his eyes glinted with strange curiosity.

And the god had ended up staying true to his words, he not only freed me from that prison but also from my mind’s crestfallen melancholy. It had been the first time I realized that I didn’t have to just die. I could fight back, I could push through, I could go back home, no, I will go back home. Never had I expected the archons of Teyvat to sympathize with me more than the humans. A slight smile crept onto my lips as I sharply inhaled to ready myself. The commotion and panic that had struck Liyue Harbour was already apparent, the Millelith were scurrying about in agitation. The main show of the archon quest had only yet begun. 

Banner art by Qing on Twitter.

[ianthewife]

Listening to ep. 43 and the wildest WILDEST things are happening that have me tearing between heart palpitations and smiling maniacally.

Rane: *is doing a whole shadow cult leader thing*

me: thats so fucking hot I Mean who said that oh fuck it okay i did

Faulkner: *talking in his dead and rotting inside voice*

me: welp party is over Faulkner honey drop your location pin im ordering you an uber

Rane: *not even subtly pushing Faulkner’s hand to the big red button that says nuke*

me: *clapping and cheering* that’s my cult rock star lets gooo!! *moving their picture from cultist of the month to cultist of the year*

Faulkner: *hyperventilating and whispering please please please*

me: okay change of plans im actually killing myself live right now

[bluelolblue]

Santino hurt/comfort ideas related to caffeine:

This man is drinking waaaaayyy too much coffee. We need to give him caffeine shakes about it. Maybe even a heart health scare - like he actually thinks he's having a heart attack because he starts getting palpitations.

Alternatively, the only coffee available is decaf. He'd hate that.

Or: He's held prisoner or hiding out or traveling or something and he can't get coffee or cigarettes for several days so he starts having withdrawals.

OMG RELATED TO CAFFEINE YAY THANK YOU :3 💙

Holy shit bro is gonna have a heart attack 💀heart palpitations?? He is cooked. I can just imagine how scared he would feel when it happens, when he feels that, instant panic through his body. If the coffee hits his nerves system a lot, he is actually hyperventilating.

Oof yeah he wouldn't like decaf AHAH he would maybe try to get used to it but... nah 😭 he won't like it. He knows how he likes his coffee.

HE WOULD ABSOLUTELY have withdrawals in those situations. No cigarettes AND NO COFFEE?? He would start tweaking, don't talk to him when he's like that, he is going through a lot of emotions.

Hurting Santino again YIS :3 👍

[nothingbutloveforyou]

I need help!

Last year there was this boy, (cute, funny, kind) and we sat next to each other for loads of classes. Being extremely insecure and shy, I’m not the type of girl to make the first moves on a guy. BUT HE’S ALSO SHY.

This year, after 40 minutes of class time spent shaking and hyperventilating, (literally having heart palpitation I’m not joking) I asked him ONE WHOLE SENTENCE and he said ‘yeah’ and I sat down in my seat and never talked to him again.

Any tips? Casual convo starters? Anything at all that I can do to talk to him? I’m so desperate I like him so much it’s driving me insane.

anon pls keep checking the comments here !! i’m so much worse off than you, so i def won’t be any help i’m so sorry