#pain@l | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

naomihatake · 9 days ago

Text

I find solace in your arms

⠀⠀⠀⠀➺ pairing: sylus x fem reader / love and deepspace

⠀⠀⠀⠀➺ tags: established relationship, hurt/comfort, angst & fluff, third person pov

⠀⠀⠀⠀➺ summary: Skyhaven brought new nightmares to the young hunter. When she came back to Linkon, the only person that came to mind was Sylus — a safe and stable presence in her tumultuous life.

⠀⠀⠀⠀➺ content warnings: allusions to abuse, suicidal thoughts due to overwhelming emotions (they don't follow the entire narrative), insecurities, they're both trying to heal each other

⠀⠀⠀⠀➺ word count: 1.9k

⠀⠀⠀⠀➺ theme song: “Runaway” by AURORA

⠀⠀⠀⠀➺ A/N: Sylus's vulnerable moment came out unexpectedly when I started writing this. However, I like how it turned out, because it makes me feel like there's balance in the way they try to comfort each other. To me, they're beautiful that way. In this narrative, she views Caleb like a brother/best friend.

Skyhaven has been an exhausting and scary place. Linkon had its own dangers, the N109 Zone was a shit show, but Skyhaven might've ruined her perception of danger. Just like pain tolerance, her sense of danger had changed in the span of a few months.

Sylus — he was the only one she could think of when she arrived back in Linkon. It was all a blur, from the airport to the N109 Zone. What mattered was to see him, whose name she heard in Skyhaven. Hearing about Onychinus was a danger in itself; it meant someone was after Sylus.

‘There's always someone after me, kitten,’ he'd say.

He was anxiously tapping his fingers on his knee as he sat on the couch in his office. It wasn't hard to guess that he was equally distressed after being in no contact with her for a few weeks.

She came back to her senses when she crashed in his arms, when she felt his gentle and warm embrace envelop her like a protective shield. She's missed him, Gods, how much she missed him.

“I wish that whoever kidnaps me next time, they just kill me instead,” a sob broke from her lips. “I wish they wouldn't toy with me, I wish they wouldn't keep me alive for longer. Sylus, I'm so tired.”

No matter how much she loved Caleb, his behavior had been unsettling.

The dam had broken and before she knew it, she was shaking in the arms of her beloved. And like the devoted lover that he was, he held her tightly, despite the aching heart beating painfully in his chest. As if he knew, as if he could feel her heart shattering. Instead of pushing it away, he let it happen, he let himself hurt as well, with the hope that it'll steal away some of her pain.

“Don't say that, darling,” he whispered softly against her ear, fingers tightening on her shoulder. “Don't.”

“But it's the truth,” she whimpered against his neck. “I can't. I'm too tired to keep myself together, it's too much. I wish you were my enemy so that I'd disintegrate into thin air. I wish—” but she couldn't continue any further, her cries intensifying.

It was silent. Except for the small whimpers when she ran out of breath, except for the broken words, no other sound escaped her lips. With her fingers tightened into the collar of his maroon shirt, she bit at her own lip.

It was a lot. It was too much, the pain, the despair, the hollow in her chest that's just been reopened for the hundredth time.

For months, he's been her everything. He still was her everything, but a small piece of her soul had been broken and never put back together by that one person — Caleb had broken her for the second time.

She hurt Sylus with her stupid words. The realization hit her when his hold onto her tightened. Just like that, her arms curled around his shoulders and she hugged him with firmness, despite the broken pieces of her heart that beat weakly between their chests.

“I'm sorry for saying that,” she shook her head, closing her eyes as another tear ran down her face. “I shouldn't have. I know you only care about me. I promise I know, Sylus.”

His breath shuddered when she spoke his name like that, in that sad and mournful tone. Pressing his nose against her hair and swallowing her scent deep within his lungs, it was hard to hide his own despair. His very soulmate was breaking in his arms and he wasn't even sure how to mend her broken pieces back together.

“It's not you talking,” he reassured her in such a gentle tone. “It's the grief and the pain. You don't have to explain yourself.”

“But I can't cause you suffering just because I'm in pain.” Another broken whimper.

“And even if you do, I'll gladly accept it for as long as I can hold you for a little longer.”

If only she had hated everyone, it would've been easier to go through with her life. It would've been easier to handle it, it would've been easier if it wasn't for her beating heart and her stupid, pitiful soul. If it wasn't for the life living inside that body, it would've been easier.

Sliding one of her hands down from his shoulder to his chest, she pressed her fingers against his body. Feeling that very same life beat under her touch ruined something within her as a shard was put back into its rightful place. Sylus was there and he was breathing, he was right next to her, holding her like no one else has. Caring for her in ways she's only dreamt of being cared for.

“I'm one mind away from killing whoever has put you through this.” His solemn tone was filled with a promise.

“I wish I had it within myself to let you do it. But I can't,” she shook her head.

Her hair tickled the side of his neck and he let out a heavy sigh, running a hand through the strands.

Love was, indeed, the most painful thing he's ever felt. It was painful for the way he had to watch his beloved cry in his arms when he could do nothing to help her, when he could do nothing to properly solve the situation. Never once in this life has he ever felt so helpless, all because of her. She had twisted his life, had knotted the threads and he couldn't undo it anymore. Truthfully speaking, he'd never wished to undo those knots, even if it hurt.

Had she asked him to kill someone, he would've. Had she told him to ruin a city, he would've. Had she pleaded with him to burn the whole world to the ground, he would've.

But she didn't and that was the hardest part of them all. Instead, she asked for a kindness that wasn't even alive, a kindness reserved to a few things. Stray cats and lonely children, mourning people and that hurt dove she's helped once. The mechanical crow and the twins. Her.

Multiple times, she had tugged at his heart in a way he didn't even believe it was possible. Sometimes, holding himself back from torturing a man was a sign of kindness — in his life, in that business, mercy was the highest act of kindness. On a normal day, he wouldn't have cared, she wouldn't have cared either. But this time, she did.

So Sylus was left helpless while his soulmate silently cried against his chest.

“Don't let go,” she murmured softly, voice hoarse.

“That's how little you think of me, sweetie?” his soft whisper brushed against her ear.

Her only answer was the tightening grip onto his shirt. Another sigh escaped his lips.

Raising her head, she cupped his face in between her palms with a tenderness that stole his breath. She looked at him with a love so gentle, and for a split second he saw that white haired woman with red eyes. In the reflection of her glassy eyes, he saw the reflection of a monstrous dragon that resembled a human far too much.

Sylus didn't realize when he said her name in a reverent tone. It slipped so easily, despite the low number of times he's used it.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” he whispered.

Instead of answering, she continued to admire the beautiful man that was holding her so dearly. Running her thumbs over his cheek bones, dipping a little into the dark circles under his eyes, she treated him the way one would treat glass.

It tugged and clawed at his heart, ruining every piece of him and putting it back together. He recognized that stare from a life of long ago. His breath hitched.

“I've never missed you as much as I did in the last weeks,” she cracked a small smile.

Sylus removed one of his hands from her waist and placed it at the side of her neck, cupping the warm skin in his palm. Something flashed in her eyes — fear.

All she could think of was that gloved hand (she once found comfort in) grip at her throat.

His hand raised like he's been struck and his gaze mirrored hers. However, she pressed his hand back where it was.

“It's not you,” she assured him. “I promise. It has nothing to do with you.”

He was hyper aware of his own breathing, a little laboured and quick, heart beating faster.

“Sylus.” It snapped him out of his head. His eyes were, once again, focused on her. “It's alright. I trust you.”

“I've also missed you, kitten,” he hummed instead, trying to avoid her gaze for a little while.

I trust you. How long he's dreamt of hearing those words, how long he had hit that boxing sack with pure hatred for his own self.

Usually, he would've teased her. “How much did you miss me, hm?”, “Really, kitten? Let me show you just how I missed you too”, “I feel honored to know you've thought of me, sweetie”.

However, at that moment, teasing didn't seem like a good answer. Too shallow to fit. The loving words slipping from her mouth — from between those pretty, sweet lips — twisted another claymore straight through his chest.

“Love.”

Their gazes locked together once more. Sylus was surprised to hear that pet name — it wasn't unusual, but it was rare enough to make his heart skip a beat or two, or more. As if she had heard his thoughts, she leaned in closer, their breaths mingling together.

Peace had settled around them in a thick cloak. The planet stopped rolling and the hands of the clock stood still, its sound nowhere to be heard.

She read right through him, could feel the avoidance in his gaze and gestures, the way there was something he tried so hard to hide — and he failed, because she knew better than that. Before her eyes didn't sit a fierce beast, but rather a kind man.

They ached to kiss, to feel each other's lips, but there was something greater burning inside their hearts, something that swayed in the small space between them. Something that could only be seen and felt when they stayed so close, stripped of all walls and shields, as they were each other's protection.

“Are you sure you won't let me destroy whoever brought you back to square one?” he arched his eyebrow.

The answer was obvious, Sylus was just trying his luck once more. If she had decided to do something, nothing could change her mind. The sadness in her eyes reappeared.

“I'm sorry, Sylus.”

Once more, she hid her face against his neck, arms curling around his waist.

“There's no need to apologize, sweetie,” he hummed. “You should rest.”

“Will you chase away my nightmares?” She's been having plenty in the past weeks.

“Always, kitten.”

Even if for her he couldn't be the ‘big, bad mafia boss’, he will act like it if he has to. His sole reason was to protect her from whoever threatened to destroy her peace.

“I promise I'll chase away yours in return.”

There was no moon in the night sky. Clouds had covered every surface of it.

Outside the window, a dove with pretty white feathers tilted its head as it stared at them with curiosity.

A/N: The dove, yes 🥰 I'm referring to the dove MC saved in Nightplumes, the one Sylus took care of. If you don't know what I'm talking about, you can find it on YouTube or you can get the 5stars card in the wishing well, I think.

When he takes his hand away from her after she flinches, the reason why she tries to comfort him is because she knows there's still remnants of some insecurities. Sylus has gone at her pace the entire time and he is fully aware of how brutal he's been in the beginning, when they first met. However, each one of them has their own triggers, as you can see.

If you have any thoughts, you're free to leave a comment <333 Thank you for reading!

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