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nick-writes-stuff · 1 month ago

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One-sided Estrangement

Hwang In-ho x gn!reader

summary: You had been friends with In-ho as long as you can remember, up until he suddenly disappeared without a word. You end up participating in the games and win. On your ride back to the mainland, In-ho tries to reconcile with you. It doesn't go well. (part 1 on my page)

! warnings: hurt/no comfort, childhood friends to strangers speedrun, discussing canon-typical violence, considerable amount of cursing

a/n: after the feedback on the last fic, i've decided to make two different endings for my last fic. this one can be read stand-alone, but there is some context you'd be missing. hope you enjoy!

The attempted mutiny of the games organized by Gi-hun was a rather short-lived one. It wasn't hard for In-ho to fake Young-il's death and retake his position as the Front Man. The fact that any of the players thought they had a fighting chance was laughable. A few hungry, injured, and sleep deprived players with a limited supply of ammo had no chance against the military sized forces at the game's disposal. While there were some casualties, there was hardly a scratch on the operation.

Ever since he had decided to pull you out of the games, he finally felt a shred of humanity that he thought he had lost long ago. There was something to look forward to for the first time since long before the games.

He found himself watching you far more than he would have for other players. It was like his eyes immediately scanned for your form on the cameras. Every time he entered the control room, his eyes darted to the tile in the floor where your picture remained lit. He didn't know what he would do if he came back to find it darkened.

He had to wait for an opportunity. It wasn't like he could just have the workers escort you out of the dormitory. If he was going to do it, it had to be during a game. It would be easiest to do if you were supposed to be eliminated. They'd done this before with Il-nam. All it took was a stray gunshot and an announcement with your number. They also would have had the chance to do so if you were somehow not picked during a game. He thought he remembered something like that happening in the 2021 games, but it wasn't a common occurrence at all.

He had been preparing everything in order to pull you out, but he hadn't even considered the fact that you would win. He wasn't doubting your capabilities, not in the slightest. He knew you could hold your own in a fight, and you had a clever wit. He just never thought you would be able to dish out the sort of violence needed to actually make it to the end. But here you were in the back of the limo blindfolded and bound, of course. It was the typical procedure. The driver had just left the ferry when he noticed you started to stir.

In-ho sat across from you in the back of the limo, mask off with a glass in his hand. He took a swig before beginning to speak.

"Congratulations, Player 284." He said, monotone with little enthusiasm.

Your eyes fluttered against the cloth of the blindfold, and your vision remained dark. You didn't react for a moment before mumbling, "You're the guy that Gi-hun mentioned." It wasn't a question, just a statement of fact.

He chuckled softly. "An astute observation." He said.

"Why am I awake?" You asked. This seemed odd. They could easily have just shoved you out of the car while you were unconscious. It also didn't make sense to have the man in charge of the operation here during the drop-off, although you knew that he would be from Gi-hun's story. Seemed like too many risks.

He took another sip of his drink. "I like to ask the winner a few questions before they go. They always give insight and constructive criticism that I couldn't get elsewhere." He said. It wasn't a lie, but you were definitely set to be awake far longer than other winners.

You scoffed. The idea of anyone giving constructive criticism was laughable, although you did think he was likely being sarcastic. "You wanna know what you can do next time?" You asked, your tone definitely seeming more stern than before.

"Precisely."

"Next time you can go fuck yourself." You spat.

He had to stop himself from chuckling. There's the spitfire attitude he remembered.

"Now, now Player 284. Do you want to go back to sleep? I can arrange that." He said. His tone was sharp, but his face remained neutral. He just wanted to get on with the conversation. Ever since he had begun to plan your reunion, he felt a spark of anticipation and excitement that he hadn't felt for a long time. The last time he did was when his wife first told him she was pregnant. Since then, there wasn't much of anything he looked forward to until now.

You stayed quiet for a few moments. You were weighing your options here. Did you want the drug induced peace and quiet, or did you want to stay alert but listen to his rhetoric? It was hard to choose, but you decided you wanted to take in as much info as you could. Maybe you could finish what Gi-hun started.

"What do you want?" You said, your tone almost defeated.

He never really did this before, but he figured out some basic questions about the experience to move the conversation toward his end goal. Simple stuff like your favorite game, the food quality, and the voting process. You gave short answers, never saying more than you needed to.

The final two questions were more focused on leading you toward the reveal. After your response to the first one, he didn't think you would take these questions well.

"Which elimination would you say affected you the most?" He asked, still monotonous thought he was intently engaged in the conversation.

The parts of your face not covered by the blindfold recoiled into a disgusted shock at his words. You wanted to give him a piece of your mind. You wanted to scream and say all 455 of them and that he's a monster for thinking this question wasn't horrific. But you didn't. You sat silently for a moment, long enough that he actually started to think you wouldn't answer him.

You had 455 to choose from, and while there were definitely some others in the running, your answer was obvious to you.

"Player 1."

He hummed in acknowledgment but didn't give off any verbal cues regarding his emotional state. His lips did curl into a smile, however. It was intriguing to him that despite the confrontation that occurred that day, his 'death' was the most effective. "Why's that?" He asked, pressing you for insight to your reasoning.

You tried not to look disgusted by his question. This was just another way to torture a player for more enjoyment. Why does he need to keep reminding you that everyone who was close to you was gone now?

You muttered, "He reminded me of someone I knew back home." You didn't want to elaborate further.

He waited a few moments to see if you would continue, but you stayed quiet. "Is that a good thing or a bad thing?" He probed.

"Why does it matter?" You said.

You weren't making this easy on him. "I was just looking for insight on emotional connections formed in the games." He said.

You had to take a deep breath to avoid losing your temper on him. As much as you wanted to give him a piece of your mind, you wanted to get as much information from this interaction as possible. "A good thing, I suppose." You murmured.

"Player 1 is one of the very few players who were eliminated outside of a game. This set of games had a lot of those." He said, trying to lead you towards explaining how you felt after he had 'been eliminated.' He almost wished he could have stayed in after the players' attempt at a coup. He could only imagine what they were thinking once they realized their mutiny failed.

You bit your tongue to stop words from flying out of your mouth. How could he act like that's an honorable distinction? He was really thinking of all of the players as statistics now. It made you sick. You paused for a moment to think of something to say that wouldn't get the tranquilizer gas turned on. "Probably for the best." you said.

That piqued his interest. "And why is that?"

"So I didn't have to see him die." You said, feeling your eyes tear up at the thought. Seeing Young-il die would have made you think about In-ho being dead. You hated thinking about the fact that he may be dead right now and you didn't even know. You tried to forget the fact that In-ho's situation even existed. Thinking about the circumstances tore you apart because he was either dead and gone or out there living life happily without you. You didn't know which was worse.

He couldn't help but smirk at the irony of your statement. You never saw him die because he didn't, obviously.

In-ho actually felt his heart skip a beat as he prepared to ask you his last question. Emotions of excitement and anticipation and anxiety were all breaking through his impenetrable facade he had maintained for years now. All of these emotions were bubbling up inside him, and the strangest part is that he kind of enjoyed it. He felt lighter and happier than he had been for a long time.

"I have one more question for you, Player 284." He began. Your posture relaxed somewhat. You were glad that this was finally almost over, and you wouldn't have to think about the most traumatic thing you experienced for much longer.

"Would you ever be able to forgive me for running the games?"

You tensed up. You were immediately on guard again. You were sick of this. You didn't want to deal with his bullshit. Is he really trying to get you to feel sorry for him? You went through hell just for the man in charge to dare to ask for forgiveness. He didn't even attempt to explain himself or his reasoning or even give a single apology. He just wants you to stroke his ego and tell him that his games work to indoctrinate people into his fucked-up perspective of the world.

The second he saw your body go rigid, he knew this wasn't going to end well.

"Why would I when you haven't even shown a single ounce of remorse?" You said through gritted teeth. Your shoulders shook as you took shaky breaths to try to keep your composure.

In-ho sighed softly. "If I did show remorse, would you forgive me?"

"It wouldn't be genuine, and you know that. If you felt a shred of remorse, you wouldn't be here running the games." You retorted. He could feel your glare pierce him through the blindfold.

He felt his mouth dry up as he realized that this may not go the way he planned. He finished the rest of the liquid in his glass before sitting it in one of the cup holders.

"You know, we're more alike than you think." He said, a slight chuckle escaping his lips as he realized the double meaning to that statement.

You scoffed at him. "Go to hell." You spat.

He continued to chuckle. "No, I'm serious." He continued before you could interject. "I played in the games and won. Eventually, I found my way back here and worked my way to my current position."

Your jaw dropped as you started to comprehend what he was saying. He went through this and decided it was a good thing to continue? He saw hundreds of people get murdered and decided to perpetuate the violence? You didn't care what his reasoning was; there was no way to justify that. The thought alone made you sick. "What the fuck is wrong with you?" You asked incredulously. You started to get paranoid about not being able to see. You pushed yourself as far back in your seat as you could in order to create some form of distance between you.

"You're asking the wrong questions." He said matter-of-factly. "The question is: what is wrong with the world?"

You only shook your head in response. You tried to control your breathing, closing your eyes even though the blindfold was obstructing your view anyway.

He continued on with a phrase that definitely made him sound preachy, but the motives behind his actions are important for the road to forgiveness you are starting down.

"Can you imagine how bad the outside world had to be for me to be okay with accepting the fact that all the bloodshed and violence in the games is better than what's outside? We're giving them a chance to-"

"You're killing them!" You interrupted, raising your voice.

"And what would happen to them outside of here? They were being hunted down by loan sharks and hardly living as they were. We gave them their chance to change their circumstances and lessen their suffering."

You scoffed. "Lessen their suffering?! You tormented them and used them as entertainment, and when you decided you were done playing with them, you killed them!" You couldn't believe how depraved he was. How could he believe that this was mercy?

His anticipation was starting to turn into anxiety. He wanted this to go well. He wanted to be able to connect with you again and have some sense of normalcy. He didn't think that his idealistic hope was going to be realized. "The same thing that happened here would happen out there. Here they were treated like equals. They all had a fair chance to succeed here regardless of their past mistakes. You of all people would-"

"Don't. Don't you dare imply you know anything about me because you don't." You spat.

In-ho chuckled. You went quiet at his reaction. You were still angry, but there was a growing fear that he was going to retaliate in some way.

"You know, it's funny you say that. Because I do know you." He couldn't help but smirk as he said that.

You swallowed hard. Your uneasiness only grew as you heard the leather seat creak underneath him. When you first felt the blindfold move, you flinched and instinctively moved away from him. He stopped you with a gentle hand on your cheek to hold you in place.

As the blindfold was pulled off, you turned your head slightly and closed your eyes due to the bright lights. You blinked a few times as your eyes got used to taking in light. You were almost scared to look at him. Typically, when the victim sees the perpetrator of a crime, they usually don't intend for the witness to make it out alive.

But you also knew that most likely any attempt to track him down would be futile. Gi-hun had been trying to find these guys for years, and he had just found the guy who recruits players. You probably wouldn't be able to do anything to stop the operation.

Words could not describe how you felt as you met his eyes. You first recognized him as Young-il, and you felt betrayed. He really had to drag this out and made you describe how you felt after you thought he died just to stroke his own ego.

But then you remembered the conversation you had with Young-il. He was so insistent on talking about who he reminded you of. His reactions just didn't make sense. Why did he care so much when you spoke about a man he never met?

You studied his face. You knew who he was, but he seemed almost unrecognizable. He didn't look like how you remembered In-ho looking when you saw him last, and he had definitely had time to care for his appearance after he stopped his role as a player. But his demeanor was also completely different than either man you remember. You would give anything for him to be some separate man who just happens to look like the others, but deep down, you knew the truth. In-ho was the Front Man. And the Front Man used the alias Young-il as a Player. And he played you. He played with your emotions just to get you to tell him how much you missed him. Then, just like the other players, he decided he was done playing and got rid of them.

Your breathing quickened as you started to comprehend what was happening. You were confused and angry and scared and sad and a million other emotions as your mind raced. How could he do this? How did the man who had risked his life in order to save his brother turn into this? A man who took countless of other's lives to fulfill his own messed-up view of the world. A man who saves through a slaughter.

As In-ho watched you, he quickly realized that this wasn't going to go the way he hoped.

When you finally regained control of your breathing, you were quiet. You didn't look him in the eye. You couldn't.

"Let me get this straight," you started. You were clearly angry, but your words were carefully chosen. "You chose to abandon everyone who loved you in order to run death games for rich assholes. You went through the same thing I just did, and afterward, you decided you enjoyed it and stayed to kill innocent people."

"I wouldn't say I enjoy it. I see the societal value in holding these games. It is really a way to offer a chance to those in need and better the world by taking out the trash, as my predecessor would say. After I won, I wanted to help people get the same chance I did." He said. His face remained neutral, and that only made you angrier.

You ignored the phrasing of 'taking out the trash' to focus on the bigger picture here. You couldn't help but chuckle. "See, this shows how different we are. Because I just won, but I just feel overwhelming guilt for the lives lost, and I want to go home to my family. Unlike you." You spat back. Then your face dropped as you realized something else.

"Oh my god, what will I tell your mother? I can't lie to her but I can't tell her this. I can't." You said, breathing quickening again. "And Jun-ho too. How will I..." You trailed off.

Jun-ho.

Jun-ho had went out on some investigation and came back half-dead with a bullet in his chest. He refused to talk about it, but he was clearly shaken up. You know he's been working with the captain who found him to find the island where it happened.

In-ho could see the pieces of the puzzle fit together in your mind. "No. No, no, no. You didn't. Tell me you didn't. You didn't shoot him. You didn't."

He didn't say anything. Why the fuck won't he say anything?

When did you start crying? You hadn't realized it until the tears dropped onto your still bound hands.

"I did what had to be done." He said, voice notably softer than he was speaking before.

That sentence broke something in you. "I wish you would have come to me." You murmured. You took a deep breath, shoulders shaking slightly as you tried not to break down. "But I also don't think I could have done enough to prevent this. I wasn't even enough for you to tell me where you went."

"But I'm here now. I'll admit it. I was avoiding you, my mother, and Jun-ho because I was a coward. I didn't want to admit I was struggling and when I fucked up I didn't want to tell you. It was easier to run off, and after she died, I didn't feel like I had any other purpose in life. But the games gave me that purpose. Gave me something to live for."

Your face quickly changed to a look of disgust. The spark of anger rekindled in your heart. "Something to live for, huh? Your friends and family weren't enough for you?" You snapped.

"I told you, I was a coward. Leaving was easier than explaining everything that happened. Even before I was a player, I didn't have intentions of coming back." He said, raising his voice somewhat.

Your jaw dropped into a look of surprise. You finally met his eyes with a gaze that perfectly captured the whirlwind of emotions you were dealing with.

"And then after the games, I knew I couldn't explain any of this. You'd all be horrified on where I got the money from, and you would never understand the hell I went through to get it." He paused for a moment, realizing the next words he was about to say would likely be a turning point in the encounter.

"But that won't be a problem for us anymore."

He was right. This was a turning point in the encounter.

"Are you really trying to recruit me right now?" You asked, words dripping with venom.

"That's not the word I would use. I'm saying that we can have an understanding-"

You scoffed. "An understanding?!"

He rolled his eyes, an action you clearly disliked according to your facial expressions. "Since we both have been through the games and won, there is no longer that rift in between us."

"Yeah, I wouldn't call it a rift. Right now, it's probably the size of the Grand Canyon." You muttered.

He sighed annoyedly. Why won't you just listen to him? You have to be trying to antagonize him at this point. His patience was quickly running thin. "I'm not asking you to participate in running the games. Hell, you can forget they exist for all that I care. All I'm saying is that we can give our relationship another chance now."

You chuckled in disbelief. "You're being serious?" You asked, the question only partially meant as a joke. When he didn't react, you knew he was being genuine. "You just put me through a fucking death game. You stood back and let that happen."

"I gave you a chance to change your life. You can live the life you wanted now without needing to worry about your father's loan sharks." He said quickly. Why couldn't you understand how he changed your life? He did you a favor. He was trying to make amends, but you were refusing to cooperate.

You laughed. "Do you really expect me to thank you?" You shook your head. "Whether you want to admit it or not, you purposefully put my life on the line." You took a deep breath as you made the hardest decision of your life. "If you can't accept responsibility or feel any shred of remorse, this is going to be the last time we speak. I won't say anything to your mother or your brother, but I can't do this." You said, voice wavering as you realized the finality of this encounter.

"What happened to you saying that you would do anything to get me back in your life? What happened to you saying you loved me?" Once the words left his mouth, he knew this was doomed. You were right. He was manipulating you. He just tried to use your emotions against you for his own gain. But ultimately, he wouldn't have done it differently if given the chance.

You opened your mouth in shock. It took you a moment to be able to speak. "I don't love you. Not anymore. The man I loved is gone." You said. You met his gaze for the last time. "I don't even know who you are anymore. You..."

You stopped talking as he rushed to put on his polygonal mask, scared of what that could mean for you. Was this it? Was he gonna kill you?

"What the hell are you-" You were interrupted by the loud hiss of the containers of gas leaking into the cab. In-ho's hand was hovering over a remote on one of the arm rests. You assumed his mask had a respirator in it. That's why he put it on. You started to get tired from breathing it in, just like when you started the games.

He was still a coward. He couldn't admit to what he did wrong, so he's shutting you out. You wanted to be angry at him. You wanted to tell him how much he ruined your life, both before and during the games. You haven't been the same person since he left, and knowing that he was making a conscious choice to leave again should piss you off to no end.

But you didn't. You stayed calm. Deep down, you only wanted one thing.

"You know, I still hope you'll be happy."

His eyes widened at your statement as your eyes started to close. But you didn't see him react at all. It wasn't much longer until you drifted into unconsciousness.

When the gas stopped flowing, the silence he was left in was deafening. He tried to stop his eyes from tearing up under the mask. He wasn't going to take it off regardless. He's not sure he ever would.

In a few hours, you would be waking up somewhere on the outskirts of Seoul. You would wake up with the debit card in your mouth, holding the 45 billion won you earned through your victory. Once the limo started driving off, the last piece of Hwang In-ho would be left behind. That man was gone, dead to all who knew him. Maybe it's for the best.

#nick writes stuff #squid game fanfic #squid game x reader #squid game x you #hwang in ho x reader #front man x reader #in ho x reader

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