#padme amidala x y/n

[lesbianjackies]

✨padme amidala masterlist✨

key: ❤︎︎ - fluff, ☁︎︎ - angst, ★ - smut

coming soon!

[yourneighborhoodporg]

The Guardian

Series Masterlist

Rating: T

Obi-Wan Kenobi x Reader

Summary: When Obi-Wan, Anakin, and Ahsoka crash land on the desolate, ice planet Hoth, they meet a stranger with great power and deep connections to their past. You join the trio, hoping to face your destiny, which has long been foretold. But when the Separatists and Sith threaten you and your newfound family, you’re forced to make sacrifices to defend your friends, fulfill the prophecy, and protect the man you’ve grown to love.

✨Playlist✨

Part I: Rescue of the Fates

The Hoth Arc

Chapter 1: The Accident

Chapter 2: The Revelation

Chapter 3: The Escape

The Arrival Arc

Chapter 4: Arrival— Part 1 & Part 2

Chapter 5: Identity

Chapter 6: Patience

Chapter 7: Master

The Dark Waters Arc

Chapter 8: Blackened Water— Part 1 & Part 2

Chapter 9: Ancient Instruments

Chapter 10: Troubled Water

Part II: Dawn of Enmity

The Malevolence Arc

Chapter 11: Alone— Part 1 & Part 2

Chapter 12: Separated

[nevess]

[ don’t leave me here alone… don’t go where i can’t follow! ] -j. r. r. tolkien

🌱… description: Its been years since you last saw Anakin, still you could not help but nurture the glimpse of hope within you that kept saying the man you loved was not entirely gone. He was not Darth Vader.

🍵 … warnings: lightsaber fight, not very explicit tho. Hearthbreaking feelings ngl

🧳 … character/s: Darth Vader/Anakin Skywalker x Reader

☕️ … word count: around 1k ; | date: October 9th, 2023

🗞️ back to the main menu

a/n: Disclaimer: I looked at it to see if it had inconsistencies, but its almost the same as I wrote it in the draft, so i apologize for any typos :p In other news, im looking for beta readerssss here's the post!

The tension hung heavy in the air as you faced him, the man you loved appeared to be long gone. His helmeted face concealed any trace of the person you once knew, and his voice, distorted by the modulator, carried a tone of bitterness and anger.

"Why, (Y/N)?" he hissed, his red lightsaber humming menacingly. Hearing the sound of your name coming out of his mouth and being distorted by his helmet made you shiver. "Why did you betray me? Why are you with him?" Vader’s voice dripped with a searing sense of betrayal as he spoke, as if every word carried the weight of a love now shattered and a trust irreparably broken. His tone quivered with the pain of feeling abandoned and let down by someone he had once held so close to his heart.

Your heart ached at his words, and you struggled to find the right response. "Anakin, I didn't betray you," you pleaded, your voice trembling. "I never wanted any of this. I just want you to come back to me."

Anakin's breathing was heavy, and his anger seemed to boil over. "You and Obi-Wan," he spat, his words laced with venom. "He turned you against me. Obi-wan couldn't stand knowing that I was more powerful than him, he was jealous—and now you." In all your years of knowing him, you had never heard him refer to you like that. “

“He couldn't stand to see me happy, to see me achieve what I've worked so hard for. I can't let anyone destroy it." 

Tears welled up in your eyes as you took in the heartbreaking reality of the situation. Anakin believed you had turned against him, that you were working to thwart his plans. He couldn't bear the thought of you being on the opposite side, and his desperation had driven him to this point.

A tragedy was unfolding before your eyes as you felt responsible for the total destruction of the love of your life. You watched in despair as Anakin, the man you had cherished and believed in, had been driven to this point of desperation and darkness. It was as though the very essence of the love you had once shared was being consumed by the overwhelming power of the dark side, leaving you with a deep and profound sense of loss that threatened to shatter your very soul. 

Before you could say another word, Anakin lunged at you, his red lightsaber swinging with deadly intent. Reluctantly, you ignited your own lightsaber, the green blade crackling to life. The clash of lightsabers marked the beginning of a battle neither of you had ever wanted, but one that had become inevitable. Each clash of lightsabers felt like another painful blow to your heart, a cruel reminder of what had been and what was now slipping away, seemingly beyond your reach.

As the battle unfolded, your heart was torn between love and sorrow, anger and regret. You fought not just for your life but for the man you had once known, hoping against hope that there was still a chance to bring him back from the abyss.

You couldn't help but remember the days when the two of you had fought side by side as Jedi, when love had blossomed between you. But now, that love seemed like a distant memory, overshadowed by the darkness that consumed him.

Without a word, Darth Vader lunged at you, his crimson blade slashing through the air. Instinct took over once again as a clash of lightsabers filled the space around you, the sound a painful reminder of the divide that now separated you.

As you parried his strikes, you couldn't help but see glimpses of the man you once knew, intuitively you could sense part of him was still fighting against the influences of the dark side. The eyes that had once gazed at you with love and warmth now held only a cold, distant fire beneath the black helmet. Your heart ached as you fought, refusing to believe that the Anakin you loved was entirely gone.

The battle raged on, and with each strike you tried to reach him, to call out to the part of him that had once been good, but your words fell on deaf ears. He was consumed by an indelible feeling that overwhelmed even the quietest parts of his being, an echo that seemed to never stop, and it seemed that nothing could bring him back.

But you couldn't give up, not now, not when you have him in front of you. With every swing of your lightsaber, you held onto a glimmer of hope, a belief that there was still a chance to save him. The battle was fierce and heart-wrenching, a tragic dance of two souls torn apart by the forces of destiny.

In the end, it was Anakin who delivered the final blow, his red blade cutting through your defenses, but it was not a deadly cut; you knew he did that on purpose. As you fell to the ground, gasping for breath, you looked up at him one last time, tears in your eyes.

"Anakin, please," you whispered, your voice filled with love and desperation. "You could come back to me. We all miss you," you say softly while trying to stay calm. The cut on the skin of your leg definitely burned agonizingly. But having him in front of you, with tears flooding your cheeks, you had to make him see reason. Your voice trembles with emotion. "It's okay you made the wrong choices; we'll take you back."

Anakin's eyes, hidden behind his menacing mask, seem to flicker with a hint of conflict. "I'll only hurt you again," he responds, his voice tinged with regret.

It was a cry for help, an agonizing plea that he no longer wanted to inflict pain on others. Seeing you on the ground had inadvertently triggered an internal alarm within him. He had harmed the woman he loved, the woman he had envisioned building a future with, the one with whom he had hoped to grow old.

Tears threaten to spill from your eyes once again, but you swallow hard, determined to reach him. "We'll keep a better eye on it," you insist, desperation seeping into your tone. "We'll learn to live with things, and communicate it all this time."

If this were a movie, the most tense and guilt-ridden soundtrack would undoubtedly be playing in the background. Yet, it wasn't necessary to hear the music to feel the overwhelming weight of remorse and desperation that hung in the air, palpable even through the Force. Anakin awoke from a deep, dark slumber that had consumed him for years, as the realization of what he had become, and what he had done to the love of his life, flooded over him like a tidal wave of anguish and regret. 

For a moment, it seems as if the darkness in Anakin is wavering. You can sense the turmoil within him, the battle between the Sith Lord and the Jedi he used to be. But will your words be enough to bring him back from the brink of darkness?

© Nevess 2023. My original posts are not allowed to be edited, translated and/or re-uploaded on another account or platform without my permission, nevertheless, re-blogs are accepted and very appreciated.

[blxkstar]

Sometimes, we don't choose who we love.

I made a playlist for Padmé Amidala. For her feelings and ruminations. Please check it out!

To those who act as agents of chaos, I say this: I stand resolute and unyielding. And if you strike my voice down, know that a chorus of thousands shall rise up in its place, for you have no dominion over the righteous. We are the defenders of truth.

Don't be afraid."

"I'm not afraid to die. I've been dying a little bit each day since you came back into my life."

"What are you talking about?"

"I love you.

[anakin-skywalker-always]

El! Star Wars blog! Finally!!! Girl u always make the best playlists for the characters u write about, u better have an anakin skywalker playlist and u better link that bih

-much love, 🧚‍♀️ anon

Hey 🧚‍♀️ anon, love you!

Of course I have an Anakin playlist are you kidding?

Anakin.mp3 coming right up… key tracks include:

* Not Strong Enough - boygenius

* Seventeen Going Under - Sam Fender

* Don’t Blame Me - Taylor Swift

* Starboy - The Weeknd

* Phantom Bride - Deftones

* Anakin - The Rions

* Wherever I May Roam - Metallica

Here’s the Spotify link x

Much love,

El 🤍

ps. Requests are open, send em’ in!

[mcavoy-girl]

I need fanfiction about Obi-Wan Kenobi, who has two padawans, Y/N and Anakin who both have tendency to cause chaos, get in trouble or run away to do something very idiotic, the second Obi turns his back to them. Which every time leads to Obi reprimanding both of them after stopping and/or saving them or the others from them. Obi is like this tired single parent looking after two crackhead of a kids. Also Padme should be included, maybe like I put in the tags.

Could someone please write this?

Feel free to reblog and if someone knows who writes for this fandom or this type of stories, tell me.

[strangeshoepatrolbandit]

Summary: Your brother fell to the dark side, now you must watch him die.

Warnings: Angst, death, fire, choking,

Did I miss some important parts of his and Padme's talk? Yeah, probably. Do I care? No.

But now, as you ran down to talk Anakin out of the dark side you realized, it was real.

~☆~

You begged for this to not be real. You pleaded with the air, hoping that you would wake up and everything would be normal.

Padme was crying, staring into the eyes of the man that she loved, only to realize that this was no longer her Anakin.

He caressed her, holding her as she too prayed this was a bad dream.

"Anakin, please, this isn't right!" You cried out, hoping that the man you considered a brother would finally show.

"I did this for the both of you." He revealed, smile on his face.

"You, Padme, and our child." He started, staring into her eyes. "And you, Y/N. Now we can all be together, rule the galaxy!"

He took both of you into his arms, pressing you into a suffocating hug. You and Padme made eye contact, tears were leaking from both of your eyes.

Padme pulled back, "You're breaking my heart," She swallowed. "You're going down a path I can't follow!"

"Because of Obi-Wan." Anakins demeanor changed. He was no longer proud of his victory. He was colder, his expression was harder.

"No because of what you've done, what you plan to do!" Padme cried. "Stop- stop now, come back!"

"I love you!"

"Liar!"

Padme was now holding her neck, and Anakins hand was raised towards her. Obi-Wan was yelling, you couldn't hear him, you couldn't hear a thing.

You knew Anakin was yelling but all you could focus on was Padme's unconscious body.

This was no longer Anakin.

You had heard the way he used to go on about Padme. You were the only one to know, the only one they trusted. Padme had rushed to you as soon as she found out she was pregnant, and you urged her to tell her husband, who was more than thrilled. It was all going so well. Things were finally going right in Anakins' life. His wife was pregnant, the war was ending, then.. Palpatine. Anakin was warned.

You looked back up and Anakin and Obi-Wan were gone....Oh Maker...No...

~☆~

You finally made it to Obi-Wan's side, falling down to your knees as you heard Anakin's wails of agony. You attempted to crawl down to where Anakin was writhing. However, your movements were stopped. Obi-Wan was holding you in place.

"You were the chosen one!" Obi-Wan yelled, pain leaking into his words.

"It was said that you would destroy the sith, not join them!" He cut himself off to breathe, "Bring balance to the force, not leave it in darkness!"

Your screaming mixed into Anakins cries. No matter how hard you tried, you couldn't escape the force.

Obi-Wan forced you to stand and pulled you a little further up the hill, stopping so that he could reach down and grab onto Anakins lightsaber.

"I HATE YOU!" Anakin yelled, still writhing in pain.

Obi-Wan stood staring at Anakin, taking in another breath.

"You were my brother Anakin!" He told the dying man, "I loved you."

Anakins screams got louder as flames engulfed his body, the lava finally reaching his cut-off legs. Obi-Wan had to look away, not being able to bear the sight before him. So instead, he looked at you, watching as you attempted to break from the invisible force holding you. He listened as you repeatedly pleaded out against the universe.

Obi-Wan lifted you from the ground again, this time holding you over his shoulder as you tried to reach out for Anakin, him doing the same for you.

"ANAKIN!" You screamed, tears rushing down your face. "NO, ANAKIN!"

You had to accept that Anakin was dead.

Your brother was dead.

~☆~

Or so you thought

[luvthegame]

domestic hcs with padmé amidala!

warnings: none. just fluff hcs.

-padmé adores coffee, and she adores early mornings with you, before the bustling city of coruscant wakes up.

-whether you prefer coffee or tea in the morning, she’ll have it ready to go for you. she’s an early bird, already going over senatorial bills before you’re even awake.

-you however, are not an early bird. you wake up later than her, melting into her arms as soon as you get close. she peppers your face in kisses as you yawn.

-she likes when you’re sleepy, and she’ll tease you about it- “Look at you, sleepyhead.” she’ll giggle.

-when the handmaidens arrive to put her senate outfits together, you watch from the couch in awe at their skill.

-you and padmé spend late nights together, often spent in silence, each of you working on your respective assignments. the silence is comfortable, until it reaches the late hours of the night, when you know both of you should be asleep.

-you often find yourself dragging her to bed, and ending up a pillow for her highness.

-“I’m not tired, besides, this bill needs to be passed…”

-“sweetheart, come on. you’re exhausted.”

-after much convincing, you pull her into bed.

-padmé wraps her arms and legs around you, her long curls surrounding the two of you as you rest, and the cycle repeats.

[marymary-diva17]

The chancellor daughter

Anakin skywalker x reader

Star Wars masterlist

The republic knew about their chancellor life before he had become a chancellor. he was once the senator to nabbo and many of the senate respect him. There was no one in the whole galaxy that could make palpatine do anything, well expect for you his daughter. You were the only person to make the chancellor do anything with at much of a fight. You and your father had close relationships with each other and you had thought your father told you everything but he didn't tell you everything even his darkest secrets and plans.

Y/n " ......" you had Coruscant years into the war that had started between the republic and separatist, as your old life of living as senator daughter was over and now you are the daughter of the chancellor.

padme " y/n" you soon heard you name getting called you soon saw padme one of your best friends, she soon hugged you once she got closer to you.

y/n " padme it been so long"

padme " yes it has bene but I'm happy you are here now and I heard you will be one of the second respective from home"

y/n " yes I had been offered the job without the help of my father against all rumors made right now"

padme " I know you got this job fair now come there are so many who wish to meet you" you soon smiled as padme had pulled you away, the two of you were walking around places near the senate.

padme " It good you are here I was worried you were not safe home alone"

y/n " you along with my father and nabbo guards think the same, my father had thought it will be best to move me here I will have a place of my own with guards like everyone else"

padme " well I know with you here stuff will get done"

y/n " let hope"

???? " padme and Y/n" you and padme soon saw anakin making his way towards the both of you.

padme " hello ani it seems like you got my message on our dear friend return" Padme and anakin were like brother and sister when anakin was in trouble or need some help me will go, to either you or padme for support. The two of them were always being supportive of each other before the war and during the war.

anakin " yes I did hello y/n it been so long I'm happy you are here"

y/n " hello my dear ani" anakin gave you a smirk you had a very close relationships to him as well, over the years and soon from a good relationship.

y/n " so causing anymore trouble for the council"

anakin " not that the moment I been on my best behavior"

y/n " ummm we will see about that ani" the three humans had laughed about the discussion between you and anakin. Anakin had joined you and padme around the senate and other places in the republic as well. During this time it seems like you and anakin are enjoy the time together, making some flirting comments form anakin.

y/n " so how has life had been my dear jedi"

anakin " it been good with this war going on everything has changed"

padme " yes this war is taking on total on everyone"

y/n " I have spoken to my father on the matter of this war, and he says it might go on a bit longer then everyone has thought"

padme " how long will it go on for"

y/n " wel are all doing out part in this war so anakin how are your troopers"

anakin " they are fairing well enjoying their time off before we are sent off world again"

Y/n " well I hope you can your time off anakin it will be shame not to spend time with one of my friends before they leave straight away"

anakin " to you and padme never"

padme " he says that now"

????? " hello everyone" soon the tiro had turned around and saw the chancellor himself standing there, he soon came close to the tiro.

y/n " father hello"

palpatine " hello my daughter I was wondering when I will be able to see you"

padme " great apologies chancellor I and anakin were taking this time to be with y/n as we haven't sene her that much due to the war"

palpatine " good I'm happy to see my child is safe with her friends"

anakin " I will make sure nothing bad happen to your daughter sir"

palpatine " I know you wouldn't enjoy you time together daughter will you be joining me for dinner"

y/n " yes father I will be" palpatine had nodded his head before him and his party had left, you were enjoying the rest of your day with them until anakin was called awya by the council and later on padme.

later that night

y/n " I had fun being with anakin and padme today father I had greatly missed them when it was away"

palpatine "well it good to have you here my daughter safe here with your family and friends" you had smiled at your father as you ate your meal, palpatine was happy to have you here with him verse back on nabbo as he didnt need any harm coming to you.

y/n " father do you think this war will ever end"

palpatine " well I hope to does end my daughter"

y/n " when it does end who will be the winner in the end"

palpatine " my children I don't know in time we will see" you had nodded your head at your father words enjoy dinner with him, you are happy to be with your father and friends once again. At the moment you were hoping it was for a good time but that was not true as a long war coming and this war will change everyone lives.

[ginax0916]

𝐄𝐧𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐓𝐨𝐮𝐜𝐡

𝐀𝐧𝐚𝐤𝐢𝐧 𝐒𝐤𝐲𝐰𝐚𝐥𝐤𝐞𝐫 𝐱 𝐟𝐞𝐦 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

𝟗𝟏𝟐 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐬

*𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐬 𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲 𝐬𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐬𝐦𝐮𝐭*

✯✯✯✯✯✯✯✯✯✯✯✯✯✯✯✯✯✯✯✯✯✯

Y/N Pov:

2 months. That's how long I was away for. Then another 2 months which was how long Anakin was away for. Now that we're both finally back we've both been dealing with missions and meetings and training here and there. We haven't had a single day for ourselves in over 4 months. Every time we have the perfect opportunity it just gets ruined by one of us being requested by the council to do some stupid shit. But what did we expect? Obviously we can't tell the council that we are secretly married and wanted a least a week for just him and I.

I'm so touch deprived I just need him to cradle me in his big arms and kiss me until it hurts. I need him to play with my hair while I lay on his chest the way he used to when there was no war and no need to be fighting all the time. I need him to hold me by my waist while he lays his head on my shoulder as we watch the beautiful stars until we fall asleep. I just need him.

But in my luck he's been called to yet another meeting. This one is even more useless than the last I don't get why he's even called to these. And I'm just here sitting on the couch staring at the Coruscant sun set over the tall buildings that surround the city. But there's no big arms around me holding me close, there's no blonde curly hair tickling my neck, there's no him around me.

"Love? Are you home?" Anakin suddenly calls out. I was so distracted in my own misery that I didn't even sense him coming.

"Ani! Yes I'm here! Oh I missed you so much!" I yelled back to him as I ran though our shared apartment as fast as I could to get to him.

"I missed you-" I cut him off by engulfing him in a big hug, knocking the wind out of him.

"Hi baby" Ani chuckled. "Y'miss me?" He questioned, although already knowing the answer to that.

"Yes so much. I've been thinking about you all day you have no idea" I hug him tighter hiding my head in his neck.

"I missed you too love. So much." He kissed my temple and rubbed soothing circles on my back.

He then picked me up bridle style with ease and carried me to the couch where he sat down with me on his lap. My head now resting on his chest and one of my hands playing with his soft hair.

"Y/n?" He asked looking me deep in the eyes. One hand rubbing my thigh and the other rubbing my back.

"Yes?" I answered back confused.

"Kiss me please." He pleaded, his gaze dropping to my lips and staying there.

"I'd love to" I connected our lips feeling to spark inside of me. The spark that is only lit by him.

His hand that was on my back went to hold my cheek. And the hand on my thigh started making its way higher and higher up my leg. Meanwhile the kiss got sloppier and more needy. More desperate I'd call it. His tongue licked my bottom lip asking to be let in. Of course I accepted, letting his tongue dominate mine. My body grew hot. I felt the butterflies in my stomach rise. My cheeks turning into a bright pink colour. Anakin then moved my body so I was now straddling him instead. His hands slid down my body touching everything on their way down, until they found their way onto my ass. The tension that had been building up from all these months without each other was finally reaching its breaking point as we made out both knowing what else we wanted.

"Fuck princess I missed your lips on mine" Anakin said as he moved his head down to place open mouthed kisses on my neck, probably leaving marks while doing so.

"Me too Ani" I said back, whimpering as he kissed my soft spot on my neck. He squeezed my ass causing me to gasp and I pulled on his hair making him groan in response.

"Ani I need you" I whimpered as I felt a wetness pool in my panties.

"I know love. I know" He softly responded, stroking my hair and his gloved hand gripping my hip tight.

He then picked me up with ease and carried me to our bedroom as he kissed me again. More passionately than last time. I squeezed my legs around him causing him to groan and kiss me harder. Ani dropped me on the bed and crawled on top of me.

We both started undressing and his hands roamed all over my body. Leaving me squirming and whimpering under him. He only smirked in response. He kissed from my breasts all the way down to my clothed clit causing me to let out a moan.

And just like that I was finally being pleased with his enchanted touch after months of needing it so badly.

꧁✩꧂

A/N:

Sorry for being gone for so long lol. I hope y'all like this one. All my other stories don't have like anything dirty so I was unsure if I should add some or not. This is as far as I went with it but lmk if I should write actual smut lmao.

[betzabobababi]

𝙱𝚎𝚌𝚊𝚞𝚜𝚎 𝙾𝚏 𝙻𝚘𝚟𝚎

Welcome! This is the first drabble of my Cancer free Celebration and the first drabble of the month! If you enjoy please consider to like and reblog, it is greatly appreciated and it helps for other people to see my work! (Don't repost without permission or plagiarize)

Warning: character death-siblings death...lmk if I missed any (prob did) (also I tried my best to make this gender neutral lmk if I failed)

Pairings: Anakin x GNsibling!reader

Type: Angst (sorta?)

Summary: Anakin turns into Darth Vader trying to save his twin from a deadly illness

Listen to: TV by Jmusikk on youtube

Sometimes, in trying to fix something, you only make it worse. And sometimes it leads to your own demise.

.

.

.

In trying to save someone's life sometimes you forget to save yours as well. But sometimes to the “savior”, it doesn't matter. Because the person's life is so worth saving, saving yourself is no longer important.

.

.

.

Anakin only had a tiny amount of people he trusted. Within that amount you were his number one. His twin, his own flesh and blood. His other half. Anakin loved you with all his soul. With every ounce of the force he carried. He would die for you, and you for him. 

Being twins meant having each other's back. It meant being there for each other no matter what. Through thick and thin. From the core of earth to the heavens itself. Without hesitation. Without a limit. It's a pact. A part both siblings play, forever, all because of love.

  You were plagued with a disease no one knew how to cure. Maker, no one even knew what it was. Nevertheless, Anakin being the stubborn boy he was raised to be, he was hell bent on figuring out how to cure your illness. 

That's how he found himself talking to palpatine. Seeking out his help. Seeking out his knowledge in the force. Believing he could help save you. The bare lies Palpatine fed Anakin, led him to kill innocent jedi younglings. They led him to choke his expecting wife. Hurting the love of his life and his future child. The ugly repulsive lies led him to fight his master. Led him to turn to the darkside. And in the end, because of Palpatine's repulsive lies, only left him with a heart in pieces.

All he had, a secret bride, a hidden future child, a family. All gone. In the end the things he had left were a heart shattered into oblivion, a dead wife, and a long, lonely path down the dark side. Alone.

All because of a simple emotion. 

𝐿𝑜𝓋𝑒.

Tags:

@popfishjr @scarthefangirl @book-place

[astro-kitty-launch]

Anakin Skywalker Fan Fic

[bookloover35]

Anakin Skywalker x fem reader-I'm not her.

YN POV:

Where is Anakin we were supposed to meet to train about an hour ago. Do not say that he has forgotten again.

He is completely hopeless. But I still like him, yes I'm a little in love with him okay that was a big lie I'm really in love with him. We have been friends for a very long time, but I have been very good at keeping my feelings hidden from him. I had not planned to fall in love with my best friend it just happened and how could I not . He makes me feel good and he listens to me. It's not better that he is so heavenly beautiful. With his blue eyes that you can get caught in them are as blue as the beautiful sky, and his blonde hair that you just want to pull your fingers through.

I smiled at the thought of him. When I rounded the corner I saw Anakin and Padme I started walking towards them but stopped when I saw Padme kissing Anakin. How could she. Padme is the only one who knows about my feelings for him.

Padmes POV.

I withdrew from him and when I opened my eyes I saw a person who will never forgive me.

Padme: OMG YN It's not what you think.

I told her and moved away from Anakin when I moved away from him so he turned around as well.

Padme: Please YN listen to me.

She just turned around and started running from there. What have I done.

Anakin turned to me and asked.

Anakin: Padme What is happening.

Should I tell him the whole truth that his best friend is completely in love with him and I knew about it, and instead of letting go, I kiss you.

Anakin: Hello Padme.

Okay, I'll tell you, but promise me you'll let me talk to the point.

He nodded and I started telling him everything.

YNs POV:

How could she. I thought she was my friend. But it seems I was wrong. How could I believe that it could be me and Anakin. He will never see me more than a friend. I will never be her.

I ran to my room and threw myself into my bed and hugged my pillow and started crying. I hate love it just hurts.

Anakins POV:

Padme: So that's all.

wow so YN is in love with me. I've never thought of her that way. Yes she is kind and she is very beautiful. But I've only seen her as a sister. I feel so sorry for YN but I am also disappointed with Padme.

Anakin: Padme. Why did you not say anything to me?

Padme: I do not know.

Anakin:. What do you mean you do not know. I have to find YN.

(A couple of minutes later.)

YNs POV:

I woke up to someone knocking on my door. I must have fallen asleep, I got out of bed and walked towards the door when I opened the door I saw a person I did not want to meet right now.

YN: Anakin what are you doing here. I just want to be alone right now.

Anakin: Please YN listen to me Padme told me everything and it's really cute that you'm in love with me but.

I stopped him.

YN: Anakin it's okay you do not have to say anything more I understand. It's okay we can still be friends.

Anakin:Are you sure?

YN:I promise everything is okay. But you I do not want to be mean but I am very tired right now so I will go to bed. But we'll train tomorrow.

Anakin:Okay but see you tomorrow. Good night shorty.

He said, kissing my forehead. Then he went his way. I whispered to him goodnight and closed my door then I sat down and leaned against my door. Why did i lied to him, of course it's not okay with me. My best friend I have feelings for has just said we're just friends. Will this pain ever go away.

[morbid-mary]

Heads Up! -> Adi'ka Rewrite

Hi everybody! I hope y'all are doing well. I know I haven't been active I've been preparing to move to college, and I'm officially almost done with my first week. I have finished creating an OC to replace Little!Y/n. I am going to be editing the two chapters I have posted so they will be different after today. So without further a due, I'd like to introduce Makéa Valo!

Little!Y/n -> Makéa Valo

[queenofnightdreamland]

Blue & Grey. Capítulo 44

Warnings/Advertencias: canon divergence, violencia típica del canon, mención a muertes, heridas, deshidratación, depresión, llanto, ansiedad, enojo...

Pareja: Obi-Wan Kenobi x jedi! fem!reader

Word count: 2.5 K

Simbología: ⎯ ⁘✦⁘⎯ (espacio temporal largo), ⎯ ✦ ⎯ (espacio temporal corto), "abcd..." (visión de la fuerza), "abcd..." (pensamientos), “abcd…” (pensamientos enviados a través de la fuerza), <<abcd…>> (mensajes datapad), °abcd...° (recuerdos).

Nota del Autor: ¡No los he olvidado, lo prometo! Mi inspiración ha encontrado un punto de quiebre donde tengo tantas ideas que no me decido por una de ellas para continuar con el fic. De momento les dejo este pequeño regalo de año nuevo, espero que se encuentren muy bien y les deseo excelentes días en sus vidas.

Anterior / Siguiente

Masterlist Blue & Grey

◞────────⊰·•·⊱────────◟

Luego de haberse retirado, se mantuvieron en movimiento por varios minutos. Encontraron unas salientes de rocas donde decidieron detener su retirada táctica para ocultarse tras ellas, después de haber colocado minas con sensores que detonarían poco a poco a lo largo del lugar. Aunque funcionaran presentían que continuarían subiendo demasiados enemigos para dos personas, y a pesar de que uno de ellos fuese un Jedi, el luchar sería un riesgo; porque dicho jedi estaba cansado y definitivamente aguantaría menos en el campo de batalla. Después de todo, no era ningún droide. Por otro lado, ambos comenzaban a sentir la falta de agua afectarlos. Si seguían así morirían pronto, y no por los droides, sino por deshidratación.

Un sonido que resonó fue lo que devolvió al presente y los sacó de sus respectivos pensamientos. Al voltear la mirada observaron a la distancia la columna de humo alzarse. Esa era la señal, el ejército droide estaba cerca, las minas comenzaron a detonarse con mayor rapidez por lo que ambos tomaron el último trago de agua que tenían en sus reservas y salieron lo más listos que podían para enfrentarse a sus muertes inminentes en la batalla.

No habría vuelta atrás, esta vez. Sabían sin necesidad de hacer cálculos para tener las estadísticas, que las probabilidades de salir victoriosos estaban cerca del cero.

-Fue un honor haber luchado a su lado estos años, General – escuchas a Xyón decir y casi dejas escapar una lágrima.

-El honor fue mío, Xyón… lamento que vaya a morir así.

-Será una muerte que quedará escrita en los archivos, General. Deberíamos estar orgullosos.

-Bueno, que sea una batalla que recuerden todos entonces… ¿Juntos? – preguntas antes de voltearte.

-Hasta el fin, General.

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯ ✦ ⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

Tu sable cortaba cuando podía, pero solo eras capaz de bloquear los disparos del ejército enemigo. Eran demasiados y después de casi quince minutos luchando estabas comenzando a cansarte. En algún punto un disparo logró dar en el blanco y Xyón cayó al suelo de espaldas. Cambiaste rápidamente de posición con intención de cubrirlo con tu cuerpo sin dejar de intentar bloquear los disparos hasta que llegara el momento en que no podrías más.

Estabas agotada, demasiado cansada y la sed era insoportable, la saliva se sentía espesa en tu boca y eso sólo dejaba en claro lo mal que estabas. Querías llorar, sentías el picor en tus ojos, pero casi no estabas produciendo lágrimas, definitivamente estabas muriendo por deshidratación.

Un disparo conectó con tu hombro izquierdo y el sable resbaló de tus manos. Ahora tenías certeza de que morirías y a los pocos segundos te seguiría Xyón, una vez tu función de escudo se viese perjudicada.

Aunque de tus ojos no salían lágrimas, lloraste. Lloraste por terminar abandonando a Viorica y a tus hermanos, por no haber dejado un heredero claro; aunque le habías dicho a Viorica que en tu ausencia buscara un maestro y tomara su lugar, le dejaste tu comunicador con indicaciones de buscar a Arawn, Izan o Faolan para que continuaran su entrenamiento y la guiaran lo mejor posible hacia un futuro brillante. Pensaste en Anakin y Padmé, como los ibas a dejar, en lo que tu muerte posiblemente desencadenaría y la posibilidad de que Anakin cayera al lado oscuro antes de lo que tus visiones habían señalado.

Una pésima decisión; pero no tenían opciones. Habías tomado tus decisiones y pagarías las consecuencias, tal vez incluso, lo llegase a pagar toda la galaxia.

En medio de tus intentos de bloquear los disparos con un campo de energía generado por Fuerza pura, observaste una actitud extraña en los enemigos a lo lejos. Intentaste enfocar sin perder el control del sable en tus manos, pero estabas realmente agotada y tenías que usar toda tu fuerza de voluntad para no permitir que otro disparo de los bláster te impactara en un lugar de mayor importancia vital.

Luego de varios minutos lograste apreciar varios disparos de color celeste, además de un sable de hoja de un color azul que te hizo tambalear y como consecuencia dejar de sujetar el sable que cayó al suelo.

Los disparos no te golpeaban, todavía el pequeño escudo te protegía, en especial porque los droides habían encontrado una mejor distracción que un simple jedi con dificultades de defenderse por cuenta propia.

Al intentar dar un paso te volviste a tambalear un poco, el escudo se movió contigo, por suerte todavía evitaba que los disparos perdidos te lastimaran. Realmente querías creer que era él, pero el recuerdo de su cuerpo completamente laxo y sin reacción ante tus intentos de sanarlo estaban grabados a fuego vivo en tu mente.

No había posibilidades de que estuviese vivo, Obi-Wan Kenobi definitivamente los había dejado. Entonces ¿por qué te sentías así de tranquila? A lo mejor, en medio de tu deshidratación ya habías comenzado a alucinar.

Un espacio se abrió en el centro de la masa de droides dejando ver unos cascos con franjas naranjas y a un humano que era tremendamente similar a Obi-Wan en el medio, tenía su sable activado y avanzaba sin detenerse ni un segundo.

Sus movimientos eran fluidos, con un claro propósito y no dudaba de su siguiente paso. Su expresión era una obra de arte, estaba cargado de enojo y al mismo tiempo preocupación, pero se veía muy concentrado en la batalla.

-Obi… - susurraste con la voz quebrada y diste un par de pasos completamente temblorosos, cargados de nerviosismo e inseguridad. Ahora, con mayor razón temías que fuese la deshidratación la que te estuviese haciendo ver cosas que no eran reales.

El hombre salió del centro de enemigos y sin dudarlo apagó su sable al mismo tiempo que corría hacia ti. Se detuvo a escasos centímetros de chocar contigo y no dudó en envolverte entre sus brazos al mismo tiempo que comenzabas a llorar, dejando escapar lágrimas que pensaste no podrían salir.

-Obi… Creo que voy a saltarme las gracias – susurras y él acarició tu rostro apartando mechones de cabello del camino, estabas despeinada y cubierta de polvo y sangre seca de algunos cortes viejos.

-Lamento llegar tan tarde – respondió a lo que negaste para ocultar tu rostro en su pecho al mismo tiempo que él no dejaba de acariciar tu cabello.

Lo abrazaste con fuerza, como si tu vida dependiese de eso.

-Te extrañé, te extrañé- comenzaste a repetir como si se tratara de una letanía y su expresión fue como si le hubiesen dado vuelta a su mundo. Te apartó un poco de su pecho y te acarició el rostro apartando el cabello buscando mirarte a los ojos.

Intentaste buscar su rostro y aunque estabas tan aliviada de verlo con vida y saber que Xyón había tenido razón, su loca y pequeña esperanza se había vuelto realidad. Entonces, recordaste a tu compañero caído y tu mirada se cargó de preocupación – Xyón está herido, y mi sable…

-General – escuchaste a Cody quien le entregó algo a Obi-Wan que luego que sentiste hacer peso en tu cintura.

-Regresemos a la nave – lo escuchaste susurrarte a lo que asentiste antes de intentar dar un paso y que todo se volviera negro.

Obi-Wan observó cómo caíste, reaccionó justo a tiempo para atraparte y evitar que te golpearas contra el suelo – Y/N – llamó preocupado y al ver que no reaccionabas no tardó en cargarte entre sus brazos para comenzar a moverse hacia el trasbordador que acababa de aterrizar en la zona trasera del campo de batalla.

-Cody, te dejo a cargo de la situación aquí – ordenó Obi-Wan sin apartar la mirada de tu cuerpo.

Al acercarse al trasbordador observó a Waxer acomodando la capsula médica con Xyón en el interior.

De verdad tenía que haber recibido un disparo en un lugar muy peligroso.

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯ ✦ ⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

El viaje hacia la nave fue relativamente rápido, pero no lo suficiente para aplacar su ansiedad. Tus labios se notaban claramente agrietados y le preocupaba el posible estado de deshidratación en que podrías encontrarte.

Cuando el trasbordador aterrizó y las puertas se abrieron no tardó en salir del mismo. Lo primero que se encontró fue a Viorica acercarse de forma apresurada.

-Maestro Kenobi, gracias, de verdad, muchas gracias.

-No me agradezcas todavía, primero debemos llevarla al ala médica.

Ella caminó al lado de ambos hasta que entraron al ala médica y los clones la sacaron de allí junto a Kenobi.

Ahora venía la peor parte, esperar.

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯ ⁘ ✦ ⁘ ⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

El calor que te envolvía era agradable, hace mucho no sentías tanta comodidad y tampoco te sentías tan descansada. Por lo que decidiste que podías tomarte más tiempo y descansar mejor, no haría daño una vez.

Inspiraste profundamente, pero la sola acción te trajo un dolor bastante fuerte en la zona de tu pecho a lo que sólo fuiste capaz de quejarte sonoramente antes de abrir los ojos.

Volteaste la mirada y un rostro con ligero rastro de barba te devolvió la mirada. No pudiste evitar sonreír en medio de todo el cansancio y dolor, y posiblemente un poco de medicamento también. Cambiaste de posición ligeramente, para poder enfocar un poco, en ese momento sentiste la caricia sobre tu cabello y sonreíste adormilada.

-Deberías dormir un poco más, debes estar agotada.

-Uhmm… me pides que duerma cuando confirmo que estas con vida – reclamaste en un susurro

-Lo siento, pensé que el consejo te había notificado… yo… quise creer que te habían notificado.

- ¿Cuándo cambiaste con un cuerpo falso? Te dispararon frente a mí – dijiste cerrando los ojos.

-No lo cambié, era yo – entonces abriste los ojos y lo miraste sorprendida -. ¿Qué sucede?

- ¿Por qué no reaccionaste? Intenté sanarte.

-No estaba herido, pero si escuché todo. No tienes idea lo mucho que lo lamento, al inicio creí que estabas actuando, pero cuando llegaste a despedirte antes de la ceremonia… Lo lamento, estrella, lamento todo lo que sucedió.

-Lo sé, siento tu sinceridad, pero… creo que podemos hablar después ¿no crees? – susurraste a punto de quedarte dormida y él volvió a acariciarte el cabello.

Volviste a quedarte dormida, realmente estabas agotada y deshidratada.

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯ ⁘ ✦ ⁘ ⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

Cuando abriste los ojos lo primero que hiciste fue voltear la mirada, estabas esperando encontrar a Obi-Wan a tu lado. Todavía tenías miedo de que fuese mentira, una ilusión muy cruel que habías generado por la deshidratación. Pero a tu lado se encontraba Bead, quien te observó atento antes de retirar la vía intravenosa de tu mano.

-General, ya está hidratada, le retiré la vía y luego podrá darse un baño.

-Gracias, ¿el General Kenobi?

-Está atendiendo unos asuntos importantes en el planeta, debemos admitir que, aunque estaban solos allá abajo lograron menguar tanto sus fuerzas que el General logró dar un golpe de gracia y completaron la misión de manera satisfactoria.

Esa confesión te hizo quedarte helada en tu lugar. Sabías que habían resistido, pero no como para disminuir en tantos números las tropas separatistas.

- ¿De verdad fuimos nosotros, Bead?

-Sí, General. No le mentiría nunca.

-Pero…

-Detestamos cada segundo de espera, fue horrible… Pero cuando el General regresó varios de nosotros pudimos evadir sus órdenes, dado que el general tenía mayor rango que Viorica… Varios bajamos a ayudar también.

-Gracias…

-General… ¿Permiso para hablar libremente?

-Siempre, Bead.

-Eso que hizo, general, espero nunca lo haga de nuevo. La próxima vez, moriremos todos juntos si es necesario – escuchas a Bead y sonreíste conmovida.

-Espero que no exista una “próxima vez”, Bead – respondes bastante segura de que no permitirías que pasara de nuevo.

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯ ✦ ⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

No esperabas encontrar a nadie en tu habitación, pero en el momento en que la puerta se cerró a tus espaldas sentiste cómo dos brazos te rodearon para abrazarte con toda la fuerza que fue capaz de reunir ese cuerpecito delgado que le pertenecía solamente a una persona.

Viorica.

A pesar de la sensación de felicidad que te provocó la reacción de tu padawan, no lograste contener el quejido de dolor al sentir tus costillas quejarse por la fuerza que utilizaron cuando seguían sanando. Realmente respirar te costaba un poco, todavía.

-Lo lamento maestra, perdone…

-Está bien, no pasa nada Viorica.

-Me alegro de verla despierta maestra, bueno, con vida, en realidad. Pensé que sería la última vez que la vería y me sentí devastada.

Sonreíste con dulzura y le acariciaste el cabello – Viorica, quiero que recuerdes muy bien lo que te he enseñado. Puede que tengas un lazo muy fuerte conmigo, pero eso no significa que si llego a morir debas dejarte vencer por el dolor. Somos jedi, indiferentemente de la orden de la que hablemos, y si lo vemos desde mi orden entonces con más razón debes dejar ir.

-Pero…

Negaste – Somos uno con la Fuerza, gracias a ella estamos aquí y gracias a ella vamos a seguir en su flujo eterno. Nunca moriremos realmente y nunca estarás completamente sola; pero debes dejar el apego emocional, aunque sea difícil de aceptar. Está bien que llores, pero debes dejar ir todos esos sentimientos.

- ¿No han pensado que es muy difícil? Terminas formando lazos quieras o no y dejarlos ir es igual de difícil que formarlos.

Asentiste, realmente sí la entendías, más de lo que quisieras y ahora, tenías que poner un ejemplo que ya habías roto. Suspiraste y la abrazaste con fuerza antes de verla a los ojos – Creo que no soy la más indicada para sermonearte sobre este tema – admites y ella te observa atenta –. Por esa misma razón casi te quedas sin maestra, tomé una decisión apresurada basada en mis emociones y no pensé en los demás, en ti… Sí, es difícil dejar ir, pero se torna más difícil incluso cuando no estas preparado para esa perdida, como me sucedió con mi padre, con Obi-Wan… como iba a suceder contigo y conmigo; pero, si te das tiempo para pensar y sentir el dolor un poco, la muerte no es difícil de aceptar, como logré hacer con mi padre.

Viorica analizó lo que decías y te miró atenta. Si era objetiva, tenías razón, no habías reaccionado tan impulsivamente con la muerte de tu padre, sí, estuviste dolida y todavía lograba ver el dolor en tu marca, pero lo aceptaste. En cambio, con el Maestro Kenobi… todo había salido mal.

-Estamos destinados a morir, es parte de la vida misma. Está bien llorar, está bien amar, está bien ser feliz pero no debemos dejar que nuestras emociones nos dominen, ninguna de ellas. ¿Recuerdas lo que dije de los excesos?

Al volver a escuchar tu voz levantó la mirada y ladeó la cabeza al escuchar la pregunta – ¿Qué todos son malos?

-Exactamente, el exceso de sentimientos no es sano para nadie… mucho menos para un jedi. El riesgo de caer al lado oscuro es muy grande – admites ladeando la mirada al sentir una presencia cercana y Viorica lo notó antes de asentir.

-Entiendo, bueno, creo que ahora lo comprendo un poco mejor, teóricamente hablando.

-Ahora necesitas aplicar esa teoría. Prometo mejorar como maestra, disculpa mi clara falta. Sin embargo, me alegro mucho de poder seguir enseñándote, espero continues considerándome como una buena opción para enseñarte, padawan…

-No la cambiaría nunca, maestra. No creo que haya alguien mejor.

Sonreíste cargada de amor – El honor es ser tu maestra, Viorica. Eres un padawan excelente.

Te volvió a abrazar y devolviste el abrazo.

-Ahora, padawan, me gustaría darme una ducha… Podemos conversar sobre este tema mucho tiempo más, pero después de que me sienta yo misma de nuevo.

-Claro que sí maestra. Con permiso.

[metalheadsimp]

<Roses >

Anakin x (gn)reader (implied Obi-wan x reader) AU

Inspired by 'Roses' by Awaken I am (Or I stole two(maybe three??) lines from the song)

Genre : Angst/hurt-ish (no comfort in this so buckle up folks)

Warnings : Reader and Ani started dating as teenagers! also my first fic and not proof read so proceed with caution or whatever, Oh and Qui-gonn is not dead here and Ahsoka is his padawan. Written in first person. I am not a native speaker.

Readers gender isn't mentioned, however idk if I used any pronouns or something that might gender them in any way so I won't tag them as gender neutral. (While writing I thought of a female reader since I am a woman myself, I intended to keep them gn tho. I hope I succeeded)

Wordcount : 1.2k

Anakin and reader have been in a relationship for as long as reader can remember. It has always been comforting but they find themself confronted with the realization that they only loved the Idea of being happy with someone else.

<begins under the cut>

"Is this fair? I feel that we're close to the end."

"Roses don't know that they're dead." 

Whenever I closed my eyes it wasn't him I saw. It was nothing new really, at some point I got used to it the same way I got used to sleeping in his arms, to kissing him. I got used to sleeping with him. But I never got used to him. I never got used to Anakin. I loved him. I truly did. But I didn't crave him, I didn't ache for him. When he was near I was content, I felt safe but I was bored. He was funny and smart and sassy and charismatic and chaotic and I loved him. I know he loved me. It just all became so complicated. We went down the wrong path together.

I don't even remember how we became a couple, we've always been friends. At some point we just happened to be more. No questions asked, no answers given. We just were more and I knew He's always loved padmé. Just as I knee that I've never loved him and he’s never loved me. Not like that. We shouldn't be more than friends. We never should have become more than friends. Now we're so deep into this, I feel we're close to the end. I fear we won't get out of this alright.

So here I am. In my Boyfriends arms. We've been sleeping like this for years now. I don't know how many. And I am thinking about someone else I know I really shouldn't. Not because I'm in a relationship. No, I know Anakin's thoughts are with padmé too. He says her name in his sleep. I shouldn't think about him because he is like a brother to my boyfriend. He is my mentor. He has raised Anakin and He has trained us for 5 years now. I still can remember the first time I saw him, like the day I lost my home. It's vivid. When I close my eyes it's all I dream about and I'm scared I might say his name in my sleep, like Anakin does with padmé.

As Anakin's friend I want him to let go of whatever is keeping him here. I want him to leave me and court the woman he truly desires, As his girlfriend who his in love with someone else I want him to leave so he doesn't get hurt but As myself and myself only, no roles attached, I need him. I need him. He was there for me when I lost my home and He held my hand and told me about his mother. He told me about padmé and of course He told about him. Then he had asked me if I wanted to come with him. He'd hide me. He had promised. But the force had other things in mind for me and so, I met him too. Back then I was scared and I was weak so Anakin told me he was scared too. He held me during the night. He showed me tricks, he helped me train when I failed. He understood me. But now he doesn't. Or maybe he does. 

We were so young. I was only 14. He was 16. Now I feel like what we had never exceeded friendship in the direction that we took. He knows. I know. And I know that he knows that I know. I remember my 16 birthday. We were so unsure. We needed love. We needed affection. Now we don't even kiss anymore. We haven't kissed in ages. I hope we never do. I wish we never did. 

Lately I've been training alone. I've been eating alone. I've been trying to ignore him. I've been trying to find a way out of this. Anakin and I are so familiar. I can't lose him. But it can't stay like this. So I've asked him if I could train with Master Qui-Gonn Jinn and Ahsoka instead. He was fine with it. He had asked me why, but I just told him I'd just like experience outside of my fights side by side with him and Obiwan. 

I turn around. Away from Anakin. Eyes wide open, I can't see him now. I should just keep my eyes open forever. I can’t be haunted by the picture of Obiwan if I keep my eyes open.

"Y/n?" Anakin’s voice is soft. Quiet. So I turn onto my back, staring into darkness. I hum.

"Do you... do you ever feel like we're fading?"

"Like what we have is fading? Or like you and I, as people, are fading?" I hear bedsheets move. 

"I love you.-"

"I know."

"- But I feel like what we have is fading. Like we shouldn't have this."

"I know."

"I can't lose you."

"I can't lose you either, Ani."

"You won't." I feel him sit up. "But maybe- maybe we shouldn't keep doing this."

"We aren't really doing anything anymore. We never got together, we don't have to break up." I want him to leave. I want him to stay.

"Right."

"Do you want to? Breaking up would feel like acknowledging that… that we went down a wrong path when we were young." I reach for him. He isn't there.

"Ani?" Now I feel his hand taking mine.

"I wish we never did what we did on your 16th birthday."

"Me too."

We stay silent after that. I don't feel him lay down again but time passes and I start to wonder what's going on inside his head. No, I think I know.

"What about Padmé?"

"What about her?"

"Well do you still love her?"

"I am sorry."

"Ani c‘mon. I know. Always did." I force out a chuckle.

I don't know how this is going to end. I can't imagine not being this intimately comfortable with him. I can't imagine being strangers either. Whatever we do, we'll always see each other. We'll always remember that we were partners once. We'll always dread meeting each others new partners. We'll always feel like we have to prove to each other that we can stop this. That we can be friends. That what we felt was never romantic. That all we were, was just two sad children clinging onto each other. Needing safety that no one else could provide. Grasping for a happiness we didn't know how to find in ourselves. And now, that we both found happiness in ourselves, do we still need each other? Do I even know the man in front of me? Why is he still that child to me? Will we ever forget? When did we realize we didn't love one another? When did I notice the things I hate about him? When did I realize all I loved was the Idea of what we could be, what we could have been?

My head hurts.

He breathes out. He breathes in.

"Is this fair? I feel like we're close to the end." I watch him. Or I stare into the directions his voice is coming from.

"Roses don't know when they're dead." He's silent again.

"I will return to my chambers."

"Yes."

I hear him move around. He doesn't turn on the lights so I don't offer to turn on the lights. After five minutes of being alone, I begin to cry. I have to cry. I cry so much my head pounds. I mourn the children we were. I mourn the safety I felt. I mourn being able to make my happiness depend on someone else. I mourn not knowing how it feels to be without him. I mourn for every second of my life that I spent pretending to love him. I mourn for every second of my life in which I made my happiness depend on him. I let myself mourn for 20 minutes. Then I begin to fear the future without him. After that I turn over in my bed and go to sleep. Alone in the chambers I had shared for years. A decade maybe? I can’t remember.