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sweater-daddiesdumbdork · 7 months ago

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On The Hunt: Mending The Remains

Summary- 5.4k Alpha Steve x Little One. You and Steve have started working together once more as a team, trying to meet one another halfway. Steve opens up in a vulnerable way, a first time for him.

Warnings- Steve being emotionally vulnerable.

A/N- It took a long time to get here, but I don't regret any of it. I love the journey we have been on, it was raw and heartbreaking. I appreciate all of you who have continued along with me on this. Special shoutout to @yenzys-lucky-charm for proof reading and encouraging me whenever I was doubting myself. Dividers made by the talented @firefly-graphics. Please reblog and comment if you enjoyed this chapter. It means so much to writers.

Chapter Eight / Masterlist

You woke up expecting to find Steve next to you but the bed was empty. Not cold though, when your palm reached across the mattress it was still warm from where he had been. Your senses drifted, listening all around you.

It wasn’t quiet by any means. You had quickly learned that apartments were anything but peaceful like the little cabin by the lake. You could hear the endless voices of the building's other occupants. You sighed at the intrusion, but the smell of food coming from your apartment's kitchen had you perking up.

There Steve was, making breakfast. And you inhaled the arousing scent of him among the smell of eggs, butter, and bacon.

<Go jump him.> A sniggering voice and you groaned at it, pushing up to a seat and shoving off any blankets that were suddenly suffocating you.

Chill you horny bitch. You retaliate, leaving the hallway and quietly heading for your bedroom to gather up some clothes.

The Little Wolf was smug, her tail wagging in a playful manner as you dug through your stuff, getting everything you would need for the day. <We, not just me. It’s the heat.> She stretched and you made a quick retreat to the bathroom, taking a deep inhale.

Heat or not, we are just starting to get back something. You turn on the shower to cold and climb in, your body tingling with anticipation, urging you to mate, to fuck and reclaim. I’m not ready for that, not yet. You admitted as you leaned into the water, hoping it would start to break the warmth in your body.

It did no such thing. Instead clear images of past heats assaulted you, images of you and Steve tangled up together in the most primal way. His heavy hand wrapped around your neck to keep you pinned in your nest while he pounded you from behind. “Fill this belly with me Little One.” He would growl loudly while your body jolted into the bed.“Dripping me for days. Everyone will know who keeps you full.”

“Fuck.” You muttered in a whisper as your body clenched in response, wanting that knot you knew Steve would fill you with. Your hand drifted down, hovering over your belly. “What a sweet smelling cunt for her Alpha.” The sensation of his tongue was very vivid as your fingers slipped between swollen folds, so sensitive that the brush of your fingertips against your clit was an aching need. You swirled against that spot, softly whining as your thighs spread further.

“Feel so good Little One, fuck I could just stay knotted in you all day.” You heard his moan, the sun filtering in through the open balcony doors, the fresh air a cool breeze coming off the lake relieving your sex-drenched bodies. Steve shuddered above you as he released in you again, his knot stretching you till you were clinging to him, the sensation of pleasure almost overwhelming as you both were exhausted. The cold water of your shower did little to kill the way your body ached now from the memories, your fingers finally fucking into your aching heat while your thumb teased your clit.

Release would bring a slight relief, but no satisfaction.

The Alpha knew as soon as you walked in, the large wolf going alert and tense while Steve stood at the stove reheating the food. There was no denying he heard your soft whines and moans through the thin walls, what you were doing to appease your heat.

Steve had never been so fucking hard in his life but everything in him refused to act on it, not even the Alpha pushed for it like he usually did. It was a solid understanding that nothing would happen until you were ready.

So for now Steve would do other things for you that were as important, like making sure you had a solid meal. You settled quickly in your seat at the bar, watching as he piled plenty of food on your plate and handed it over. “You always make enough to feed a whole army.” You teased as you pushed your fork into the mountain of eggs and cheese he had on your plate.

“Sorry.” He shrugged a shoulder, giving a small grin in apology. “Old habits like feeding a whole squad of shifters at home or with Shield is hard to break.”

“Was that something you did often?” You inquired while digging into your food. Steve settled across from you, taking his time before offering an answer.

“We took shifts with the Howling Commandos. All the work was shared in our unit, no one too good to do anything. I learned real fast how to make something quick, easy and good.” He took a bite, savoring it for a moment before swallowing. “I would never hear the end of it when I burned something. Being Captain of the unit, they weren’t about to let me get away with anything.”

You chuckled at the thought of it, waving your fork towards him as you got caught up in the moment. “Hell no, you gotta do everything to tip-top shape Alpha. Including feeding your men.” You took another forkful and smirked as you brought it to your mouth. “And me too.” Then took that cheesy bite of eggs, sighing happily at how something so simple could be that good.

“I don’t think I have ever let you go hungry Little One.” Steve said incredulously while scooping another forkful of eggs and this time a bite of his toast onto his fork and leaned over the counter towards you, offering the bite from his fork to you.

“There was that one time…” You teased as you were quick to take his offering, listening to him sputter trying to recall what time that could possibly be.

<You're gonna drive him mad Y/N.> Your Little Wolf scolded.

I will make it up to him. You assured her while mimicking what he did for you, leaning over towards him with your own offering, smiling softly at him. “Your unit was lucky to have you, burned food and all.”

“You have been talking to Bucky, haven’t you.” Steve huffed while taking your offering, the teasing dying down after that while you two continued the last of the meal. You groaned while pushing aside your plate that had scatterings of leftovers that Steve pulled towards him to finish off.

“I'm stuffed, I can’t eat another bite.”

“Then I did my job.” Steve rumbled with a smirk of satisfaction while he gathered the last of the dishes off the table and brought them to the sink. “I was thinking about going back in today.”

You perked up at the change of subject. “To the warehouse.”

“Yes… we know Ulysses isn’t there, yet. And we can’t do anything till he either is or one of them drops his location. We need to go back inside.”

Your Little Wolf hummed with anticipation, her ears perked excitedly at the prospect of working together. “So what do you propose? I can easily slip in like before if they don’t know about that door, but you’re so much bigger. Yesterday we got lucky.”

“We did, so you're going to go in that way, on the ground searching for anything we can use. I will be up high.”

“Up high?”

“The roof, I can access it that way. Before I came looking for you, I checked it all out. They have no surveillance up there.” Steve’s glance went over your features, like he was assuring himself before it fell to the bracelet Shuri equipped you with. “That works with the Little Wolf too?”

“Yeah, it slows us down, but it will cover her chest and throat in the same way it does with me.” Your body tingled, the reminder that your heat was still raging under your skin, itching for you to nest and mate. Your shower tampered it, but not forever. “And I plan on using it.” You noticed Steve sharply inhale, his eyes going pinpoint in interest but nothing more, your pulse raced at the barely there response from him. “What are you thinking? Don’t censor it.”

The pulse in his neck was picking up, your teeth aching to drag across it to make your Alpha shudder. Stop it Y/N… You snapped at yourself.

Blue eyes burned at you across the table and you braced yourself at the gaze, unsure of what he was going to tell you. “That you're going to be fine Y/N, I know that you're good at this.” Your brows sprung up in surprise, making Steve chuckle softly, his hand reaching over with an open waiting palm for you. “T’Challa had Shuri give Bucky and me access to the recent rescues. Little One, you made me so fucking proud, you pulled so many out that they never would have before.”

Pride raced through you, making your hand reach out and take his while warmth raced to your face, making the tip of your nose wrinkle at the sensation and a little smile peek through. “Of course he did.”

Steve squeezed your hand while continuing. “So I know the urge to make you stay is the alpha instinct and yes, it’s still there, I still want to command you to stay here. Especially when I don’t know what we're going into. I don’t have the pack to rely on, no Natasha doing intel, Sam ready to step in, Clint picking off targets, not even Bucky at our six.”

“That’s a lot when you think of it that way.” You let your thumb stroke over his knuckles.

“Mmh, that's the fears playing all the what if scenarios. Although I can't predict the future, I can confidently say that I trust you to stay safe and pull out if you have to.”

You nodded assuredly, your tongue darting to moisten your lips, which Steve’s sharp stare didn’t miss. “Anything else? Remember I said I want nothing censored.”

“Little One…” He started and you flashed him a look. Steve’s moment of resolve crumbled with that look. “How tempting it would be to push you into one of those beds and knot you over and over Little One till you're as full as can be and needing me to stop, leaving you satisfied in your nest.” The growl in his voice was back, making your breath hitch as the Little Wolf ached to present for him. Tremors of excitement raced up your spine. “How are you keeping yourself composed… it's the tether we are hanging onto right now.”

“Steve-” Your hand tightened in his, and the hint of need escaped from between your lips. “I can’t-”

“Y/N, hey… '' Steve spoke sharp enough to make your mouth snap closed. “Nothing happens till you tell me too. Till we're both ready for us again.”

“Thank you.” You said earnestly and moved to a stand, tilting your head towards the door. “Shall we get this done Alpha?”

“Lead the way Omega, This is your mission.”

Steve crept among the warehouse beams, folding his massive body half over while he tracked the current residents from up above. He had last caught a glimpse of you several minutes ago, steering clear of the sound of voices, knowing that's where he was headed. You weaved among massive crates of cargo, going towards what looked like empty offices, searching for anything that would give them intel.

Steve often wished for missions to end, not because of how he felt about himself, but because leading others into the possibility of danger took a toll on him. He learned to trust who worked with him though and he fell back onto that, you would call for him if you needed help. It didn’t stop him from constantly checking for you, there was no way he would be able to ever completely turn that off.

But he was willing to work on it. Taking in a deep calming inhale, he forcibly made himself get further away from you till he was just above the few people remaining in the warehouse. Steve activated a small communications device in his ear, the ping letting him know it connected and Shuri’s voice responded.

‘You found the base, but no sign of Ulysses?’

Steve hummed in confirmation, letting the sounds from below take over what he could have said. The sound of a keyboard on the other end was barely noticeable while Shuri excitedly took down the information provided.

Fortunately for them, the people were discussing the next pickup point. An excited inhale of breath made Steve grin to himself, Shuri’s excitement infectious. ‘Excellent, I will tell my brother. They won’t be moving any more shifters from that location.”

“Good.” Steve whispered, mentally taking in all the surroundings of the area, where the best exits were as well as the places that could trap him or you when the time came to collect their target. The conservation shifted to nothing of use, making Steve decide to pull away and go find you.

‘Good job Alpha.’ Came Shuri’s voice in his ear before he muted it, needing to be able to keep better track of what was going on around him. Your scent was nearby and Steve used that as his lifeline to you, tracking you towards the back of the building where dark offices were lined up. He dropped silently on the balls of his feet and slipped inside the one he sensed you in. In the near dark he could see you whip around with a growl rising from you, only to settle back down once you realized it was him.

“You're almost done?” Steve softly asked and you held up a small USB drive with a smirk of satisfaction.

“Yes, I was just taking one more glance over. They don't lock up anything here. Idiots.” you mutter as you slip a file cabinet closed. You slipped Steve the drive, with the brush of your hand, your Little Wolf crooned, making you stiffen as your senses flared. Everything about Steve came in hyperfocus, your heat making your body ache with need once more.

The edge you had taken off earlier was wearing off.

Steve noticed it too, his eyes dilating with arousal, your scent filling him in the enclosed space. “Fuck.” He rumbled, his jaw clenching and the muscles fluttering in his cheek. Everything in him made him look like he was about to pounce, but with visible shaking of his body, he stepped back with a warning in the sound of a snarl escaping. “Little One, you gotta get it under control or else-”

Else what? your alpha would pin you against the file cabinets and take you? Over and over, breeding you till you couldn't stand up anymore? Bend you against the desk with a biting grip to the back of your neck to hold you still while he knotted you? The images plagued you and your Little Wolf, your body waring with your common sense.

You stepped closer, seeking to cross that line in the sand you drew.

Sounds interrupted you both, voices passing the offices and Steve grabbed at you to pull you into him, both of you slamming into a wall to keep out of sight of anyone passing.

Your heart raced in anticipation, crushed against Steve, you sighed in some relief against his chest, feeling him body to body. Your hand reached up, cupping his jaw to have him pry his eyes away from the partially open door to look at you.

You were aching, your Little Wolf was feeling frantic and all you could imagine was letting go. To let Steve take over, to feel him in all your senses in a way that you didn’t have to struggle anymore. You missed him so much, even as close as he was, it still hurt to have a screaming void between you two.

Your Little Wolf whined for that connection you both missed desperately, lonely for her Alpha. It’s what broke your resolve, feeling her pain like a physical throb in your chest. “You have until they are gone to kiss me.” Your eyes searched his, so crystal clear even in the dark shadows, there was no missing the flare of yellow melding in his blue orbs. Your lips hovered so close, leaving it up to him to close the distance, to take what you were offering.

His gaze dropped to your cupid's bow, admiring the curve of your mouth before drawing in a breath and seeking it out.

His lips felt familiar as they swept against yours, relief singing in your veins at the slight connection your body so desperately ached for. A soft grunt escaped him when your tongue touched against the seam of his lips, inviting more from him.

A hand went to the back of your neck, squeezing lightly and drawing you in close, his nose tracing against yours a moment when the two of you broke before tilting to see each other out again.

You gasped when his hand tightened into your hair, dragging your head back to open you more to him, teeth nipping at your lips till your lips parted and he devoured you. A man starved and you encouraged it, your soft whimpers escaping into the kiss.

Panting against each other when you pull away, your eyes both closed and foreheads leaning together, you reluctantly release your hold on Steve. “Time’s up…” You whisper to him and slip out the door to make your escape, your Alpha close on your heels.

It was late, the moon slipping through the apartment windows as you made your way back to Steve’s door. After the kiss, your heat once more sated but your yearning for your mate was a vicious cycle.

Especially when he was keeping himself in check, and respecting your boundaries. Your hand hovered against the thin wooden door, pulling back to your chest in hesitation. It was a battle in your mind and heart, your mind warning you to be careful and your heart making you want to reach for him again.

You couldn’t even blame it on your heat this time. You just missed Steve.

Your Little Wolf was an ever-warm presence in your mind, but so quiet when usually her quips plagued you. You’re quiet tonight.

<I am tired.> She growled wearily, her tail wrapping over her nose in dismissal of you. <You know what you want and you are the one standing in your way.>

Your frown deepened and your arms hugged around yourself tighter. So much has happened Little Wolf. You sighed, your fingertips tracing softly against the wood of the door, the barrier between the two of you. He says he is willing to wait, but I’m so stuck on that he left at all and I don’t know how to get past that. Whenever the thought snuck in, wiggled its intrusiveness into your thoughts, all those fears and anger sunk in deep. It had its hooks in you and you didn’t know how to let them go.

It was like a dark stain you couldn't scrub off.

Of course, your Little Wolf could voice exactly what your unsaid fear was. What if we're both holding onto something that doesn’t even work?

<What if it does? What if he is like us, learning and growing into someone he wasn’t before? Is he worth taking that chance?> Then she withdrew from your consciousness, letting you make the final choice. <Can you forgive him?>

You went to him the night before because your body was breaking, the heat so overwhelming that it made you crazy. Tonight it was just you, you missed curling up with your Alpha in a way far more intimate than sex could give.

Just being held, just feeling your body meld against his while tucked against each other, sharing pieces of one another while the world stopped being so demanding for a little while. Your hand enclosed around the handle and you pushed the door open, slipping into the darkened bedroom. You sensed Steve in the bed, the shadow of his form shifting slightly to make room for you.

You eased under the blankets, settling into your side while his arm wrapped around you to tuck you against him, his chest pressing into your back, you felt yourself start to relax into being held. A short tremor of relief was followed by you going completely lax in his hold. Steve shifted behind you, his face tucking in against your neck and his deep inhale had his chest pressing into you, his sigh one matching just how you were feeling too.

Like you were home.

It jolted you awake, the feeling of an arm crushing around your chest, the air being squeezed from your body, leaving you gasping. What the-

Your Little Wolf was yipping <Wake him up Y/N.>

Behind you could hear a sob escape, Steve’s body crushing against yours. You had to wriggle, and turn enough to ease from his hold. Somehow he was still asleep, whatever dream was plaguing him making his features twist in pain.

Steve managed to roll onto his back, a gasp escaping him. In a split second, you followed him, perching on his stomach as your hands cupped his face. “Steve, baby wake up.” You called him. Your Little Wolf whined anxiously while you both watched his eyelids twitch frantically and then jolt open, his eyes unfocused as they rolled around the room searching. Then they fell on you and you felt the multitude of emotions in them.

They glimmered with tears caught in his lashes, his gasps making his chest heave underneath you. Your hands were cupping his red cheeks, tear-stained while he was stuck in his nightmare. “Hey, you’re okay Steve, it’s all okay.”

“Little One?” He croaked out, his eyes blinking rapidly as he seemed to take in his surroundings. The snarl that rolled from him sounded painfilled, making you push up off him to see if he was injured anywhere.

Hands quickly grasped your waist and pulled you back firmly onto him. “Don’t… just stay, please.” His fingers were digging into you, sure they would mark you, but you didn’t make another move. Instead, you let your hands slide against him, letting him feel your touch on his face, swiping along his neck and his shoulders.

Anything you could do to calm his racing heart in his chest and ease the tension riddling him, your brow furrowed with wonder at what had him having that haunted look in his eyes as he seemed to study you just as hard. His hands finally loosened enough to not hold you so tightly, instead, he traced your curves, dipping along your waist and up your back to squeeze the back of your neck assuredly while fingertips fluttered over your pulse.

Your Little Wolf chirped at the touch, making your eyes flutter for a moment before they sharpened with concern. “Are you okay Alpha?”

He gave a slight nod, inhaling sharply for a moment to clear out the last of his nightmare. You shifted down, alarm flaring in his features till he realized you were lying against his chest, letting him feel all of you against him. “What were you dreaming about Steve?”

It was quiet for several moments, your head laid against his chest so you could hear his heartbeat against his chest, the whoosh of his breathing going back to steady assuring to your Little Wolf.

You debated on pushing for an answer, in the past you wouldn’t have insisted. The times you found him unsettled, waking up to find him out on the back cabin deck inhaling a cigarette, the only times you ever saw him smoke, you waited for him to return to bed. But maybe you needed to insist on him to share, be Steve’s safe place like he had tried to be for you when you were bonded with him.

His hand smoothed up under your nightshirt, palm soothing against your back when you tipped your head up, the tip of your nose tracing up his neck. “Let me in.”

“Do you remember any of when Pierce shot you with the dart?” Steve’s finally started, his arm circling your waist.

“I remember my wolf disappearing and the pain, but that's it.”

“I lost it, when you went down, I went feral. The Alpha wouldn't let anyone come near us till Bucky challenged him. All I could think was that I lost you.”

You stiffened a bit when a croon from your Little Wolf reminded you to just listen to him.

“It was like when Bucky was taken all over again, I failed to keep him safe with the Howling Commandos.” He rumbled underneath you. It took everything in you to resist correcting him, that this was life and he was just a man, there was only so much he could do. “I already know what you’re gonna say Little One.” His tone muffled in your hair, his face pressing in against your head for a moment, like it was reassuring him.

“Not a peep from me Alpha, keep going.” The Little Wolf was waves of warmth in you, which you hoped passed to Steve in some way. “It must have been hard losing Bucky?”

“God I blamed myself, hunted for him for months. They had him in that facility dragging him for information, testing him. If I had just been paying better attention…”

“You got him back though.” You insisted, making Steve give a humorless chuckle.

“I did, but he had already changed. They twisted his wolf till he broke, his limp is now permanent, and his mind was like a minefield. You saw him in Wakanda, so reactive to everything.”

You hummed to acknowledge him, remembering Bucky’s nightmares taking over. You knew where this was going, Steve took everything that happened to his loved ones so personally, mixed with his alpha tendencies, it was enough to drive anyone a little crazy. “He trusted me and I failed him.”

You trusted me, and I failed you. Your mind filled in what he wasn’t saying out loud. You kept quiet still, trusting your Little Wolf when she told you to just let him talk. “Then there's you.” You felt his lips against the crown of your head and his hold tightened, not that you could get any closer at the moment. “The half my Alpha sings for every day. What happened, Little One, I’m sorry that I wasn’t seeing you as you asked me to and I closed you out, that I broke-”

Here you stirred, pushing back up till your elbows were tucked under you to give you leverage to look down at Steve.

You knew he was trying. He had kept so much bottled in, trying to be a perfect alpha for everyone who depended on him, strong and always in control. You knew he wouldn’t forgive himself for how everything happened, they would plague him like they are doing now. Part of you was mad at yourself for not pushing Steve to open up to you when he claimed you as his.

He was never going to forgive himself, he would carry this till the end of his time, no matter how many times you could try telling him that you never blamed him for what happened to you. It hurts your heart to think of a whole lifetime of him punishing himself, even after working on meeting your needs.

Pierce shooting you, Brock collaring Steve and turning him into a weapon, then him breaking up with you because he was scared of the control he lost, not to mention all the stuff with Bucky that you were just finding out about. How much of that did he still hold himself to blame?

Can you forgive him? Your Little Wolf’s earlier words echoed back at you.

The alpha wasn’t perfect, but he was a good man.

Your hands went to cover his mouth from saying anything more, his brows furrowing over his gaze, his eyes were raw to look into. He hid nothing in his blue orbs. When you were sure he wouldn’t keep going, you let your hand slide to his cheek, cupping it. Your fingers gently scratched through the beard covering his cheek, affectionate in your touch. Your Little Wolf crooned soothingly in your mind, making you smile softly at her actions.

You could give him something he couldn’t give himself. “I forgive you, Steve.”

You felt him try to turn his face away, hide his gaze from you, but you tightened your hold on him. His breathing picked up, his chest raising with his sharp inhales. “I don’t-”

“Steve, look at me,” you commanded and he instinctively stopped struggling to do as you asked. “I forgive you.” You repeated firmly. He took a shuddering breath, releasing some of the tension he was holding onto. “I forgive you.” You repeated while your fingers traced along the top of his cheek and your thumb gathered at the tears building in his lashes. You felt him breaking slowly piece by piece under you. “I forgive you, Steve.” You repeated one last time with your shaky sigh.

There was a relief in your chest that washed over you. You had been holding onto so much anger and pain. It wasn’t completely gone, but saying it out loud to him helped both of you. He started shaking under you, everything bubbling up to the surface that he kept down for so long. You saw his sob get swallowed, his throat working to keep himself contained.

This had moved on beyond his nightmare, this was years of self-inflicted pain you were seeing bleed through, holding himself accountable for so much that was out of his control. “It’s okay Steve to not be okay. I am not going anywhere.”

His arms tightened, hugging you to him as finally, he broke in a way you had never seen him before. You wrapped around him the best you could, sure to hold him just as tightly back.

Steve stared at himself in the mirror, feeling the after effects of his late night wake up. His head throbbed and his eyes ached, the hot shower you insisted on him taking when he held a palm to his temple had helped a little.

Even feeling like shit, he felt better. Opening up to you lifted a weight he didn't know he had been carrying all this time.

His Alpha was a calmer presence in his mind, no longer a snapping and aggravated force that he had to contend with. Now the beast was calmer, occasionally scenting for where his Little One was in the apartment.

You weren’t far, just beyond the door. Steve could see you still in his bed wrapped up in the blankets. Part of him was still shocked you stayed after he broke down, all of him was grateful that you did.

<Our Little One doesn't think we’re weak.> The ever-sensible Alpha picked up on some of his thoughts.

Steve inhaled sharply to clear his mind. It was certainly a lot to dump on her at once. I’ve never done that before. Not to her.

<She made it safe enough for it to happen.> The Alpha’s tail thumped once in approval. <Alanna would have murdered us in our sleep if she had seen it.> Steve shuddered at the thought of his ex seeing him like that. The Alpha snarled at the memory of it. <Our Little One isn’t a power-hungry bitch who will sell us out.>

From the other room, a phone rang and Steve heard you answer it with a groggy ‘Yeah?’ He took one last glance at himself in the mirror and pushed away from the counter to go back into the bedroom. You seemed to be getting invested in the phone call, giving a glance at him and an immediate smile his way made Steve feel further at ease. “We got this.” You hung up the phone and pushed the blankets away. “So Steve, how do you feel about actually saving some people today?”

#on the hunt #welcome to the pack #alpha steve rogers x little one #alpha steve rogers and you #alpha steve rogers x you #steve rogers x you #steve rogers and you #steve rogers and reader #steve rogers x reader #alpha steve readers and reader #alpha steve rogers x reader #alpha steve rogers and reader #chris evans characters #marvel au #amber writes #sweater writes

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sweater-daddiesdumbdork · 1 year ago

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On The Hunt: Make It Work

Summary- 4.1k Alpha Steve x Little One. The funeral for the fallen Wakanda Panthers has hit you hard, having to say goodbye to Pan leaves you feeling alone. Steve does his best to be available to you, as a friend. Bucky decides finally to take care of himself and step away from the mission.

Warnings- Funeral and loss of loved ones. Angst driven chapter.

A/N- Thank you so much to everyone who reads, comments and reblogs. Those all make me want to continue this story and please know I am forever grateful for all that. Alpha Steve and Little One will always have such an important part of my heart and being able to share their story, no matter what stage they are in has been one of the greatest pleasures here. Special shout out to @readwithfrannybarnes for always editing my chapters and being happy to spitball the storyline. You are incredible babes and none of this would still be here without you. Dividers made by the talents @firefly-graphics, please go give these creators some love. Thank you all again! 🐺💙

Chapter Six / Masterlist

It was beautiful and Steve felt like an intruder among the people of Wakanda honoring the fallen. You didn’t bother to wipe the tears away as you stood behind Shuri, the afternoon sun making them glint as they tracked down your face and you openly mourned for all the loss.

Steve stood on the opposite side of the trail from you, unable to reach for you while the fallen panthers were being carried towards their final resting place.

The Alpha rumbled his displeasure at the distance, Steve ignoring him. Already he felt guilty that all he felt was relief that it wasn’t you. He let his head bow while the cries rose up around him, silence gripping him.

<You don’t have to feel guilty about that relief.> The Alpha finally settled on being able to see that you were okay. Upset you were still so far away and in so much emotional pain that he could practically taste it on the air. Now and then your gaze would meet his, your sorrow-filled eyes eliciting his baser instincts to take care of you. It was a struggle Steve somehow maintained his composure.

If I wasn’t there or Pan, she wouldn’t be. If I didn’t make it in time to snap Bucky out of it… A sigh rose up from his chest finally.

This time.

Then there was that unspoken thing that neither the Alpha nor Steve had brought up although it was right there. Bucky.

Bucky was unstable, his trauma with Brock and Hydra making him and his Beast unstable. Steve honestly couldn’t say how much longer he would be able to contain Bucky with his Alpha command since Bucky in his own right was an Alpha and he was choosing to concede to Steve. But there would be a day the White Wolf was too far gone in the memories and would Steve be strong enough to keep him alive till he snapped out of it?

These were problems that as an alpha he shouldn’t hesitate on, but he was.

Right now Steve longed for the days he and his Little One ran the Pack’s trails when his world for a short time was all about chasing his pretty mate like the predator he was.

You managed to slip away as the ceremonies ended and more intimate mourning among families would take place, everyone else withdrawing to give them privacy at the resting place. You longed for the freedom the Little Wolf brought you and seriously considered shifting, but with so many feelings heightened, you didn’t think it was safe to do.

She would call for her mate and then this time you and Steve might be in an even harder situation than the two of you were in now. You told him to back off and he has, ever since being here he has tried his hardest to give you space until your Little Wolf called for him. Yes, he left the gift after the run, those barriers you were struggling so hard with had been blurred in those moments.

Till you slammed them back up.

The whole funeral, you tried not to look over, to focus completely on who you were having to say goodbye to. But it was impossible not to glance at Steve, for so long he had been the one who you depended on when the hard moments built up, your safety was in his touch and words, he was what you leaned into when holding your head up high was almost impossible. The separation between the two of you was not just the physical distance, constantly you were expecting the familiar brush of the Alpha to twirl through your mind, encase your Little Wolf in his strength and calmness while she and you were so distraught.

But it was hollow, that bond although gone for a while now was still an aching hollow in you. You couldn’t take it, so the moment it was appropriate, you retreated. Your goodbye to Pan couldn’t be done here, where you were so exposed and alone feeling.

Wakanda was expansive, far bigger than any of the Pack’s lands, and escaping was easy enough to do. T’Challa gave you the freedom you craved since the moment you arrived. Right now you needed the salt air and waves around you, the quiet that came into your mind with the thundering ocean trying to claim the sand. It was where you stayed when you first arrived broken in Wakanda, begging T’Challa to let you hunt with them. You couldn’t with your pack any longer, but maybe here you could make a difference.

T’Challa welcomed you but insisted on taking time to rest and regain your strength, letting you live on the beach in Wakanda till you had at least recovered from your physical injuries.

Your heartbreak stayed, but you managed to hide it in the hunt for the panthers.

Although it would have been quicker to run, you chose the strain of walking yourself towards the beach, the sun working its way down toward the horizon, your first steps on the warm sand were the beginning of the stars blinking into the sky.

“We should have shared more sunsets together, Pan.” You said softly, knowing the ocean would carry your words away. “But thank you for the ones we did share.” More tears slipped, but they soon dried like the air had kissed them away.

Even with your Little Wolf, curled in your mind and always a presence, her silence made you feel alone. Your arms circled around you as you settled into the sand. The loneliness was some of the worst moments in your recollection. As a wolf, you craved that connection with your packmates. Even when you were with Pierce, you had others with you, until you experienced the heartbreak of them having been sold to whoever was supposed to be their future mates. Those nights you learned to survive, but the ache it brought to your chest was similar to now.

It was always having to say goodbye.

When it was Steve, you felt this too. The way your chest would tighten till the ache settled in your bones, the pain, a physical thing, a throbbing that soon overtook you when you realized he wasn’t coming back to you. That was the night your heart broke, feeling that you were actually completely alone for the first time ever.

You were lost in your thoughts and it wasn’t till your Little Wolf perked did you realized that you weren’t alone.

His scent, the smell of pine forests and metal made you inhale deeply, your eyes closing as Steve drifted closer. You sought the brief feeling Steve brought.

You sensed his movements before you saw him settling in the sand next to you in silence, only a quick glance from his gaze flashed over you while you continued to stare at the waves on the shore. Your Little Wolf chirped softly at the comfort his scent brought to your painfully tight chest.

“Do you want me to leave Y/N?”

You let your head shake in a no, not trusting yourself to speak quite yet. You continued staring ahead at the last of the sun stretching in the sky. The last thing you wanted was to be alone.

“Thank you… I just… needed to make sure you were okay after everything.” He too watched the scene before him, the breeze from the wind shifting through the sun-streaked strands of his hair, longer than you had ever seen it before. “I never did tell you about my time in Howling Commandos.” He said softly, pushing his bare feet into the sand till they were covered, still staring ahead as he spoke.

You thought about his words and gave a shake of your head. “No, you never told me much beyond what happened with Bucky.”

Steve sighed a bit and tilted his head back as if to clear his mind. “It’s still hard for me to talk about the years before I was the pack’s alpha.” He went quiet again for a moment, the ocean breeze was dancing across the sand, a refreshing salty tang that you both appreciated for a moment. The Little Wolf unfurled, aching to be closer to Steve. You held tight, but you did break that silence.

“Tell me Steve. I want to know.”

“The first year I was Captain of the unit we were sent deep into a rogue territory. I was unprepared for the trap that was set for us. All I remember is the ping of shots missing targets. The ground was exploding around us. I ordered for us to fall back. I remained at the back of the retreating line, making sure I was the last one out. A bullet that should have gotten me clipped one of my men.”

You inhaled sharply, feeling the similarities, your own anger and sadness coming in a wave of grief before it settled in your gut as heavy as a stone.

“He was gone before he even went down, I was able to catch him and drag him out. That was the first time I lost someone like that, he was a friend, we trained together, and had become brothers in those months at camp doing drills.”

You shuddered listening to him, the Little Wolf whined at Steve’s grief still heavily laced in his tone. You buried your feet into the sand to let the grains grit against your skin, help ground yourself in this conversation. You snuck another look at Steve, letting your gaze linger on his profile as he silently mourned the shifter that lived in his memories now. His hair was wind-tossed now, the golden strands sweeping back before settling again, and his eyes were lifted still towards the ocean as if he couldn’t pull away from it. But his tanned face was taunt. The lines deep in his sorrow and his mouth a thin line among the shagginess of his beard. You ached at the sight, and wanted to reach over to smooth the lines away.

And you wanted to soak in it, let him live through his memories as they kept his Howling Commando brother alive, even if it caused him pain. “What was his name?”

Steve broke his stare at the ocean to blink at you, the rim of his eyes red but he gave a little smile at his thoughts. “Private Jonathan Juniper. But we just called him Junior as he was the youngest of us. His wolf was playful when we worked that way, when you would run on the beach, you reminded me of him actually.” Steve sniffled then, running the back of his hand against his eyes before turning back to the ocean.

The Little Wolf nudged at you to move closer, Steve’s scent was so sad, a bitterness tinging his usual wild forest and metal scent. Her whines got persistent till she broke into soft howls to sing for him. “Thank you Steve, for sharing your story.”

A soft nod came from him. “I should have told you before Y/N, shared more of myself with you. For so long I believed I had to be withdrawn, and show nothing but power. Alanna, she would see anything like this as too beta-minded and weak, open for an attack, back then I thought she was trying to make me the strongest Alpha I could be, I was a fool for not seeing her for what she was..” His gaze turned towards you now, his blue eyes red-rimmed from the day, but open to all of you. “I forgot that you needed more of that from me, to be open and honest, to communicate with you.”

You wished that too, for you thought of the few times you had caught him waking from a nightmare, disappearing out onto the deck to brood in his thoughts, the only time he would break out a pack of cigarettes. You would watch him silently from your nest, the glowing red cherry of his smoke bright till he finished. Then he would always come back to you. You never pushed him to tell you, afraid of upsetting your Alpha, but would just curl up against him, hoping that your needing him would help ease that pain. Maybe you should have pushed for him to talk more, feeling that at times you failed to be entirely the mate Steve needed.

Both of us failed.

Your Little Wolf continued her song, even if she couldn’t send it into his mind like you once could, you loved your wolf in that moment for needing to sing for him.

<We didn’t fail Y/N. Our Alpha didn’t fail.> Warmth for the first time in a while filled your mind, your Little Wolf brushing against you with reassurance. <We are all learning after being used for so long.>

You decided to move closer, and you shifted into Steve’s side, his warmth seeped into you and quietly he lifted his arm to circle your shoulders and let you lean into him. “Does it ever get any easier Steve?” You whispered while your head went on his shoulder.

“It sinks deep and dulls in the way you feel it as a part of you.” You felt the brush of his chin against the crown of your head but then it was gone again and you missed the touch. “Do you want to tell me about Pan?”

You gave a shake of your head, that pain hadn’t sunk deep, was still as sharp as panther claws slicing through you. “Not yet.”

“Okay Y/N.” He hugged you to his side a bit more. “I’m sorry about your friend.”

“Me too Steve.” You both fell into silence, sharing the moon rising above the ocean together.

It was late when Steve walked you back to the palace, the entire place eerily quiet as they made their way to their wing. The marble floors led them just outside their bedroom doors. Steve felt his Alpha stirring, knowing this truce was possibly coming to an end. His palms felt clammy as his touch hovered close to the small of your back, where he would never hesitate before to guide you towards the door, he did now.

The Alpha snorted at his unsureness, but Steve ignored his wolf. You told him to stop treating you like you two were together.

For him, it was second nature to be like that with you.

<Reach out to her.> The big Alpha finally broke, his impatience filtering in his urgency to be with you. <She is so upset and in pain> His whine broke through his impatience, his ears flattening against his skull as he sank low, mimicking just how Steve was feeling as well.

“Y/N… if you need anything or just… need a friend, please just come over.” Your hand hovered at your door, before folding on yourself and turning to lean your back against the door. You looked tired, your eyes heavy with your grief. Steve felt the need to go over and envelope you into his hold so you could lean on him. He mimicked your move though, keeping the space between the both of you.

His Alpha growled at this.

“I will if I need a friend.” You gave a small smile of thanks, your gaze shifting over him. Steve felt the way you were checking him out, the changes in him since the two of you were together. But you said nothing, instead your gaze fell to Bucky’s door. “Steve… What is going to happen with Bucky?” Your tone is soft with worry for your packmate.

Steve felt the lie of assurance rise up, wanting to give his Little One the safety in thinking it was all going to work out for Bucky. But he couldn’t do it, it was time to be truthful in how worried he was with you. “We will continue trying to help him, but Y/N I don’t know how long the Alpha command will bring him back from his trauma. Every time it happens, it's worse than before.”

Your jaw clenched as you inhaled, letting what Steve was saying sink in. There might come a time where the White Wolf couldn’t come out of it and he would have to be stopped.

Steve couldn’t say it, but from the expression on your face, he knew you put it together. You wiped at your eyes quickly and inhaled sharply, composing yourself. Steve watched you go from grief-stricken to an Alpha’s mate, calm and assuredness sliding over your features. You made the step to approach Steve, your hands moving to rest against the wide expanse of his chest.

His eyes closed to soak in the feeling of your warmth and touch, the way your soft scent curled around him and filled his senses with comfort and peace. “Take your own advice Steve, talk to Bucky and see what he wants. Goodnight.”

He felt you pull away, all the warmth and comfort pulling away with you and when he reopened his eyes, you were slipping into your door. All he felt was hollow again.

“Bucky, are you sure about this?” You asked him, wanting that confirmation of what he was telling you and Steve.

“Y/N, I almost attacked you.” His rough voice rumbled as he glanced at you, his massive arms folded across his chest, almost protectively. “If Steve wasn’t nearby, you might not be here discussing this today.”

You bared your teeth at him in a warning. “Don’t think I wouldn’t have-”

“Escaped me? Y/N, it’s facts that you wouldn’t have. I would have overpowered you.” From the other side of the room, Steve rumbled his own growl, the Alpha taking Bucky’s abruptness as a threat. You ignored Steve, your eyes narrowing at Bucky.

“If you could catch me.” You sassed at Buck and he huffed a small laugh, the seriousness in his face softening slightly.

“Maybe. Regardless, I’m staying here, to get help recovering.” He looked between you and Steve. “While you two finish this for the Panthers, maybe get some sort of direction to go for Hydra.”

You missed the unspoken words between the two men, but they both seemed to have settled on this choice. You sighed a bit but reached out to take Bucky’s hand, squeezing his palm. “Okay.” You said with finality, glancing at Steve that he was with you in this. “We support you, stay here and heal.” Your arms lifted around Bucky, pulling him in against you. This time Steve stayed silent across the room. “Both of you.” Your forehead fell to Bucky’s, staring intently into his stormy blue eyes, knowing in their depths the White Wolf was somewhere, staring right back at you.

“You got it, Little Wolf.” Bucky gave a gentle assuring smile, even though it wavered. He gave one last squeeze of affection and let you go. “You two finish this for me, yeah?”

Steve gave a nod, followed by you. It was settled, it was just going to be you and Steve.

That made your heart beat in a slight panic, but the Little Wolf, she was as calm as ever in your mind.

How am I supposed to hunt with just Steve?

T’Challa planted you and Steve in the outskirts of London, far from what you were expecting Ulysses to have been followed too. But T’Challa insisted this time the intel was solid, all picked up from Shuri’s drone having been able to tag him.

Steve was skeptical, which you had to agree with after the last incident. T’Challa told you both in confidence that the panther responsible for before was being currently questioned. You trusted T’Challa, and although Steve wasn’t so ready to agree, he was choosing to trust you in this. You could see in his stance, the way doubt crossed his features that he was discussing everything T’Challa told them with the Alpha, debating about it. But his gaze fell to you and it seemed to settle it for him. “If Y/N trusts you, then I do as well.”

It shocked you for a moment.

The safe house you would be using was simple and had all the essentials needed for a long-term stay and as soon as you and Steve went over every inch of the apartment to make sure it wasn’t compromised, you were ready to go out into the streets. Your bags were ditched in one of the two bedrooms, and you started rummaging through it to change your outfit, something more conspicuous than where they were now.

You had to get out, the whole plane ride, then the car that picked you two up had you and Steve close together. Once upon a time, you would have soaked in him in, the way your thigh had pressed against his in the backseat of the car, the heavy alpha scent of him filling your space, it was intoxicating and now distracting. Your Little Wolf whined for more of it, to wrap into him, climb in his lap, and grind against him. Your body hummed with want for him, the oncoming heat starting to peak dangerously now. You still refused the pills, sure that when the day finally arrived, you would be able to manage it.

Positive you could, after all, you have survived all the others without Steve. If he even noticed the changes in you, he was sure to ignore them, that would have crossed one of those set boundaries of just friends.

Now you weren’t so sure, your body felt far too sensitive, your emotions heightened and betraying you. Getting outside and working was your best safety right now.

Shuri had been sure to supply you with plenty of weather appropriate clothes. Long gone were the shorts and tanks that you lived in while staying in Wakanda. You got yourself dressed into jeans, tee and a jacket, sure that it had a hood for cover, sneakers were strapped to your feet, nice and flexible for sprinting around the city.

You popped out into the hallway, yelling for Steve. “I will be right back.”

As you headed for the door, you sensed Steve stepping out of his room, the hesitancy that lingered around him, something you only recently sensed in him. His tone was soft-spoken but graveled in his worried way. “Can I come with you?”

It made your step falter, your hand on the handle as you paused hearing him. The Little Wolf perked, her ears lifting as his question repeated in your mind. <He isn’t demanding Y/N.>

I expected a fight from him. You admitted and the Little Wolf unwound herself from the tight protective ball she typically rested in now that she was alone to observe what was going to happen next. <He is honoring your need for space. You know he wants to come and hunt with us.>

Your head dipped a second, eyes closing as you focused on your Wolf. We can be this way with him. It almost sounded like you were convincing yourself, all the while your body screamed at allowing him in your space, wanting and craving what being with Steve would give you.

The irony of it all didn’t escape you that this was what you had wanted all along from Steve and now he was asking for it after turning you away. You felt your back straighten, your eyes flaring with that touch of anger you had still towards your ex-mate as you glanced over your shoulder at him.

He was still waiting for your answer, and it was easy to see on his face that his request’s similarities hadn't escaped his notice too, the wariness was all over his features in what you would say. That he would be accepting of being rejected. You refused to let your shared past dictate your future, his stubbornness and refusal to open up become part of a vengeful side of you today.

“You know we always hunt better together.” Your hand lifted away from the handle, twisting yourself to lean against the door and fold your arms over your chest. “You have five minutes to get ready, Alpha.” You teased, a small accepting smile making your features lighten.

“I only need four minutes.” Steve ducked back into the bedroom and you barked out a sharp laugh, huffing out loudly.

“Yeah Steve, I’ve heard that before.” You continued your teasing, feeling yourself starting to loosen up once again and that maybe you and Steve could be okay as just friends after all.

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