#ow this song hurts my soul

[luveline]

omg I just saw your post about Steve where you asked which Steve we wanted. I'm missing KBD Steve so bad rn. Anything like a family movie night would really just heal my soul rn! (love your writings so much btw)

ty for requesting <3 mom!reader, 1k

“Did you play guitar?” 

Steve slinks further down into the corner of the couch, Avery too big but exactly where she’s meant to be in his lap. She’s affectionate from years of the world's most ridiculous parents, he assumes, so he could have Avery sit beside him rather than on top of him, but why bother? She’s gentle about how she sits despite her long limbs, swinging one arm behind his neck as she gets comfortable against his chest. 

“Did I what?” Steve asks. 

“Play guitar?” She points at the TV. “Uncle Eddie plays guitar.” 

“I can play a little bit, nothing like Uncle Eddie,” he says. “Just enough to serenade mom. I’d sing her all her favourites.” 

“So you had a guitar? Where did it go?” 

“I don’t know, babe. Maybe in the attic? There’s not room for all our stuff sometimes, so me and mom box it up and put it up there.” He looks at her knowingly. “Why, do you wanna try?” 

“Can I?” she asks. 

“Not tonight, but tomorrow? Is that okay? I’ll have to get the ladder from the garage, and we’re gonna watch a movie soon.” 

Avery’s pretty easy, as kids go. When Steve says tomorrow she doesn’t whine. In fact, she gives him a grateful, shining smile, the arm that’s laid across the front of him curling tighter as she presses her face into his neck. “Thanks, daddy.” 

He thinks that it’s because he’d guessed what she wanted. But that’s his job, to understand her and make her happy. “You’re welcome.” Then, because he loves her and he’s feeling quite loved up by her hugging and the feeling of her hair under his chin, he drops his voice into some rare parentese for her, “I bet you’ll be great at it. It takes some patience, but you have so much of it, and then you can play anything.” 

She giggles. “Like the song from The Neverending Story?” 

Steve’s heard enough of that song to last him a lifetime. “What about that song you and mom like? Have you seen her?” He’s tempted to sing it, and he figures it won’t hurt under his breath, “So fine and pretty, fooled me with her style and ease–”

Dove interrupts with a laugh as she tries to join in. The words escape her, but her passion makes up for it. She climbs up from her seat across the couch, sending the jellybeans she’d been holding in the lap of her nightgown careening across the living room floor. 

“Dove!” Avery says. 

“It’s okay, I’ll get them,” you say, standing just in front of the doorway with a towel around your shoulders. 

Steve hadn’t known you were there, you were gone so long for your shower he honestly forgot what you were doing. He groans as Dove drops her face into his jaw, what a disaster, but she doesn’t cry so he brushes it off while you clean up.

“Dove’s gonna help,” Steve insists. “Aren’t you, babe? Ow. You’re gonna help mom pick up your jellybeans. Ow, baby, don’t step on me.” 

“No,” Dove says with a giggle. “Sing again, daddy.” 

Beth jumps in behind you in fresh pyjamas, her hair damp and water wetting the neck of her t-shirt. That’s why you’d taken so long —your shower had been commandeered. It’s nice to see you both in some comfy pyjamas, better to see his lovely Beth feeling better. She’d been sick for so long it was starting to make him depressed; seeing her invigorated after a good shower and chasing down jellybeans with a mischievous smile makes his night. “I got them!” she says. “I got them, mom. There’s like, seven.” 

You hold out your hand. “Thank you. I think you got all of them.” 

Steve misses the rest of your conversation, a chubby palm smushed to his nose that he attempts to throw off. Avery giggles at his misfortune as Dove says, “Sing! Sing!” 

“I can’t sing, I can’t breathe,” he says. 

Dove pulls her hand back. She’s as close to rolling her eyes as she can get. “Sing.” 

“Now I can’t, Dove, you’re making me shy.” 

“Dad!” 

“You sing,” he suggests, leaning back, shielding Avery from her younger sister’s volatility with his arms. 

“We’re gonna sing so much.” You beam as you unveil the VHS tape for tonight’s movie. In time, your three girls gasp aloud. “Daddy’s favourite movie, the Little Mermaid!” 

“It’s not my favourite movie. That movie is my enemy. It makes all my babies cry.” Even Dove ends up in tears, though she usually cries when Ariel’s upset, rather than during Part of That World like her sisters do. 

“It makes you cry,” Beth says. 

“Beth, do we have a problem?” he asks. “Are you trying to get into a fight with me?” 

Beth grins and runs across the rug to climb up on the couch where Steve’s being submerged. She sits down by Doves’s feet, wrapping her arms around Dove’s little tummy, squishing herself to Steve’s side. “No, dad. I love you.” 

“I don’t believe you. I think you know you’ll lose if we wrestle.” 

You snort. Steve steals a glance at you between all the little arms, your hip pressed to the TV stand, your lip between your teeth as you click the wrong button. It’s not like you’re stupid, just the TV is old, and half the buttons don’t do what it is they say they do anymore. Your nose wrinkles and you backtrack, and Steve wishes he was standing right there to smooth it over with his thumb. After a few seconds of searching (and harassment on his end, Dove’s fingers dangerously close to his ear) you click the right thing and the tape that the girls were watching before dinner pops out. 

You smile to yourself at a job well done. Steve smiles at you, though you don’t see him doing it. 

“Your moms kinda pretty, huh?” he asks Avery. 

“Not kinda, super.” 

“How’s the baby?” you ask. 

Steve gives the baby monitor on the table by the couch a tap with his finger to make sure it’s still on. Feedback whines. “She’s hasn’t made a peep since your shower, honey.” 

“Maybe I’ll go see if she’s okay before the movie comes on. Miss the previews.” 

He can’t wait for you to sit down. “Okie dokie. Give her a kiss for me.” 

You raise your hand in scout’s honour. As you’re walking up the stairs, Avery shifts in Steve’s lap and asks, “You smile at mom all the time, does it make your cheeks hurt?” 

He sews a hand behind Beth’s back. “Nope. I have strong cheek muscles.” 

[sadesluvr]

Freak - Mike Schmidt x Reader (Songfic)

Mike dials a 1-800 number and gets more than what he asked for.

A/N: Reader is a secret sex guru, and an unlicensed therapist, 18+ only. I'm going to abuse the FUCK out of this GIF. Based on the song 'Freak' by Doja Cat!

Word count: 2.2K

Tags: SMUT / Sub! Mike, Dom! Reader / Fem!Reader / Handjobs / Edging / Unprotected sex / Creampies / Marijuana usage / Brief mention of contraceptives (the pill)

‘Call 1-800-2323 for the answer to your troubles. Enlightenment is just a phone call away!’

Mike looked down at the card in his hands, given to him by Abby’s wellbeing officer out of concern for his personal troubles. He’d never read too much into spirituality, but considering psychoanalysis hadn’t gotten him much further than his usual dream it couldn’t hurt to try, right?

The dial rang, and he expected to hear a raspy elderly woman with a smoker's cough. What he didn’t expect was a lively, young voice at the other end of the line.

“…How may I be of assistance?”

“Uh — There’s something in my past — It’s been bothering me for practically my whole life…I need help finding the answers…”

“Hm,” the voice hummed. “Vague, but I sense you’re holding back…I like ‘em that way…Name?”

Freak like me You want a good girl that does bad things to you You never been with no one as nasty as me Spice up your life, come get a freak Freak like me

“Mike Schmidt,”

You'd heard of him from your mom’s friend.

“I’ll book you in for Friday at 8PM,”

“Okay…How much will I owe you? Money’s a little tight right now…”

“Don’t worry. It’s all free of charge,”

Tied him down to my queen bed Tease him just enough to hate me  Tied it tight enough, he can't break free  Keep him waiting 'til he try This can go one of two ways We could flip the coin, I'll be your slave  Call you daddy, give me a nickname I ain't afraid of a little pain (No, I ain't 'fraid of a little pain)

He showed up at the address listed on the card a little after 8PM and rang the doorbell, his hands in his pockets as he scanned his surroundings. You, the mysterious voice, answered the door, and you briefly took his breath away, dressed in a nude, flesh coloured spaghetti strap dress that stopped halfway on your thighs, paired with a sultry smile.

“You must be Mike,” you grin. “Come in,”

The interaction is brief, and he follows you to the couch, an armchair sat traditionally opposite like it would in a therapist office. You gesture for him to take a seat and he does, already feeling like he was under a spell. His eyes glance down briefly at your bare legs as you cross one over the other, letting out a soft moan as you got comfortable. Blood was slowly and suddenly draining from his face to his cock, and he moved his hands to cover the issue, which didn’t go unnoticed to you.

“So, Mike…What is it that’s haunting you?”

He wanted some'n else and he wanna be selfish He wanted them three rounds, DC had to come help him Look, I know your position Try to squeeze in the full nelson though Beat on it, beat, beat on it, mercy like a black belt give Daddy the grand master, daddy, I want it faster Them bitches you fuckin' with, I know they gon' need some practice So bring 'em along wit' ya, I'll teach 'em how to smash ya When I made a little mess on it, he told me to clean my act up

He told you everything; from his brother’s abduction to the breakdown of his family and his living situation with his sister. He was a tortured soul, and he just needed a bit of release. You were so, so glad he’d been referred to you.

“I empathise with you, Mike,” you sigh, leaning in. “It must be hard,”

Hard. Painfully hard.

“Do you mind if I sit next to you?” you say coyly, and he shakes his head. You notice he licks his lips as you get up, recognising how the dress is clinging to your body and beginning to bunch up your thighs. For a split second he gets a glimpse of your black lace panties, and his now fully hard cock twitches in his jeans. 

He wants you, and he’s almost certain you want him too, but a deeper part of him wants to let it play out. For once, he’s not in control of all of the decisions and he wants to keep it that way.

“What I’m hearing is that the route of your issue is frustration,” you say, eyes locked on his as you reach out to run your fingers through his messy locks. “When was the last time you ever thought about yourself?”

He shakes his head. “I don’t - I can’t — How is this going to help me find who took Garrett?”

“Because you’re thinking too hard, and it complicates things. It’s time to redirect your attention,” you purr, dragging your vowels so that it produces a tone that sends shivers down his spine. 

“…How?” he chokes, eyes wide and pupils dilated. You’re so fucking close to him now, and he thinks he might burst. You smell like weed and sex, and he can’t stop staring at the way your strap is sliding down your arms.

You slide off your dress in a quick motion, revealing your bare body. Mike is rabid now, unable to stop staring at your hardened nipples and the barely there material of your panties.

Freak like me (Tryna freak you down) You want a good girl that does bad things to you You never been with no one as nasty as me Spice up your life, come get a freak

“I’m gonna touch you, Mike,” you say simply, and it holds a thousand words. “And then you’re gonna fuck me,”

Hey, I could take a big bat, bet that he thinkin' this a game Hey, batter, batter swing, you could put it on a swing Freak like a triple XXX flick, put her on a chain This pussy off the chain, this kitty insane I could fuck him in the rain, I could fuck him in the Range (Uh) I could fuck him every day (Uh), I'ma fuck him 'til he sang (Uh) Milkshake bring the boys to the yard, I'ma need the whipped cream Ain't ever been vanilla, honey, just wait until you get a taste

He knows he can say no, but relaxes into your touch. One hand rubs his upper torso, massaging his tight muscles as the other is wrapped around his neck as you plant gentle kisses along his cheek and neck before you move to his lips. His kiss is eager, and he wastes no time in finding your tongue with his own. 

He needs this so fucking badly, and he doesn’t want to let go.

The kiss continues as you begin to claw at his body, and he briefly pulls away to tug off his jacket and shirt before resuming the make out session. His body tenses as your hands make their way down his chest, down towards the beginning of his happy trail. He desperately wants you to continue the skin-to-skin contact, but you slide your hands over his jeans instead, squeezing him through the material. 

He furrowed his eyebrows and let out a small whimper, earning a gasp from you. He was so pretty.

“That’s it, baby. Don’t hold back…”

Skirt off, fuck in the backseat Take that shirt off, baby, put it on me Got me like, "Yeehaw," ride it like a horsey Kinda like see-saw, up and down on the D, give it to him

You relieve his frustration by hastily pulling at his belt and unbuttoning his jeans, leaving him in his briefs. They were black and you could see a clear wad of precum that had been built up over the past hour. Wasting no time, Mike lets out a louder moan as you slide the material down, his cock springing up onto his pelvis. It’s average sized, but with a slightly thicker girth, and is bright pink with want.

“Kiss me,” you instruct, and he nods. His lips find the crevice of your neck and collarbone as you begin to grip his shaft, his tip between your thumb and index finger as you squeeze out some remaining precum, the liquid pooling around your fingers.

It’s pure pleasure for him as you take the entirety of his cock in your hands, slowly beginning to jerk him off, not forgetting to cup his balls as you do. He throws his head back as his hands clench, physical pressure dissipating as you take his hands in your own, guiding it to your breast.

“Fuck…” Mike groans, beginning to massage the skin as you coo in his ear, your grip tightening and fastening on his cock. Four of his senses are overstimulated, and the icing on the cake is your unrelenting sultry stare, making sure you were attending to his every need.

You were the goddess he never knew he could have.

Freak like me (Need a freak like me) You want a good girl that does bad things to you (You want a good girl) You never been with no one as nasty as me Spice up your life, come get a freak Do, do-do, do-do, do-do (Now you need a freak)

You could feel him shudder underneath you and knew he was loosening up, edging closer to orgasm. His whimpers and groans were now louder, and he’d found the confidence to latch onto your nipples, pawing at the skin with his hand whilst his tongue swirled along the hardened bud.

Spreading your legs over his, you angled his face towards you as, taking in his hazel eyes. 

“Touch me, Mike,” you said, gaze flickering down to your pussy. “Touch me like I’m touching you…”

He moves away from your breasts to make his way between your legs, his fingers sliding into your wet cunt. He lets out a deep sigh at the sensation, feeling rather proud of himself as you begin to writhe against him.

“Is this good?” he asks, sliding a second finger into you. 

“So good,” you moan. “You’re so good for me, Mike,”

His heart and his cock swells, and your bodies begin to move in sync. He quickly finds your clit as your pace quickens on his cock, and you both begin to reach a point of ecstasy.

“Y/N…” he whimpers, lips wet and eyes glassy. “I’m gonna—“

“I know, baby,” you whisper on his lips. “But not yet,” you say abruptly, and draw away. He’s shocked, and stares at you open mouthed.

You respond with nothing but a smile.

“I’m only here to guide you to enlightenment, not give. You have to do the rest,”

He’s totally blank.

“Let go, Mike. I’m here,” you say sweetly, and it feels strangely romantic. “Take me…Do you want me on top, or bottom?”

“Top,” he responds without hesitation. “You’re beautiful,”

Mike can barely contain his euphoria. You, a literal sex goddess, are sat on his lap, body on full display as he fucks up into your tight, wet pussy. The pleasure is almost painful, and he’s almost worried that he’s hurting you by the way his hands are gripped on your hips and his thrusts are desperate and sloppy. All the anger and frustration from his past was slowly unravelling, and judging by the knot in his stomach, so was he.

Freak like me Freak like me (You never, you never, you never been) You want a good girl that does bad things to you You never been with no one as nasty as me Spice up your life, come get a freak (You need a freak) Do, do-do, do-do, do-do (You need a freak) Freak like me (Like me, papa)

“Oh fuck,” you whine. “You’re perfect, Mike. So perfect,”

You weren’t lying, he looked gorgeous; pussy drunk and sweating, his frayed bangs clinging to his forehead in an odd pattern. Your lips met once again as he pulled you into him by your waist, the kiss sloppy as he drew his cock deeper into your cunt, hitting all of the right areas. 

“I’m so close Mike,” you whined. “Cum for me…”

“Where…?” he whispered. He couldn’t decide whether he wanted to see you covered in his cum, or see it seep out of you and down your thighs. 

“Wherever you feel best,” you said devilishly, before placing your lips to his ear. “I’m on the pill,”

The words sent him over the edge as he came, hot and heavy spurts of cum filling into your warmth as you finished along with him. Mike bit his lip as he held you close, almost on the verge of tears as you soothed him through the last of his orgasm. A weight had suddenly been lifted away, and he could feel his eyes grow heavy with tiredness.

After a few moments you pulled away from each other, your nude bodies dropping to either side of the couch. Still high from orgasm, you pulled your dress back on and leant over the armrest to open a drawer, not oblivious to the way Mike was staring at you fondly.

Babe, you never been with no one nastier than me Oh, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby Put your head on my shoulder Hold me in your arms, baby Squeeze me oh so tight Show me that you love me too

“Wanna blaze?” You asked, holding a joint to your lips. He paused in thought, not wanting to let go of the moment before answering.

“Can I use your phone?”

You nodded and gestured to the phone, watching as Mike dialled a number. 

“Hey, Max - Can you put Abby on the phone? Something’s come up and I can’t make it home tonight…”

[skay-ali]

the witch's revenge

I have a reader draft with a demon possessing her, the idea is that she basically made a deal to continue living, where she would help the demon with his evil plans in exchange for staying alive. Maybe get revenge on his family, showing them that he was better now. Jennifer's body

You had everything figured out.

Every little step.

You had many resources, not only monetary resources from your followers and your sponsor, but also the necessary influence.

Many people from the underworld supporting you.

It was assumed that with your ritual, Halloween, when a red moon would appear, would be your great opportunity.

At last you would have what your heart longed for most, the same wish that you asked the shooting stars, the one that you recited when you made incantations and spells since you were a small and inexperienced witch.

The day you gathered enough evil from the lowest places, you turned many cities guarded by heroes upside down.

At midnight when everything went dark, and the evil of each person floated towards your new scepter.

The song that you recited, oh the great song that you strove to memorize.

Everything was fine in a moment, the portal would have opened and soon you could make a pact, to save your mother.

Until it wasn't anymore, some supers appeared, not even the barrier of villains that surrounded you could contain them.

It was unfair, you weren't hurting anyone, you were saving them from their evils in exchange for benefiting you.

Thanks to you, many popular villains calmed down, your spells made them more docile.

Why didn't they let you have what you always wanted?

You were angry, upset, you wanted them to leave right then and there.

Your pain worsened when balls of purple energy were directed towards where you were, and a woman with her glowing fists also tried to hit you.

They wanted to keep you, they wanted to destroy your only source of happiness.

Maybe it was the evil that you were handling that took over you, or all the anger that you contained, but now... now you would let him govern you.

You let your scepter expel a great shadow so that the heroes would be lost.

A lot of lightning bolts followed, in all directions.

That would keep them a little busy, while they try to avoid them.

But that was not enough, you built with your magic and the things that surrounded you into monsters that would attack them.

"OH I'm sorry but you're not invited to the party" you mock them when you were able to hold them back.

You watched as the entire sky took on a red color.

"If he opens the portal he will endanger the world, you shouldn't play with demonic forces!"

"I'm sorry I don't think I heard you demon girl, I'm trying to make one of yours my pet" you ignored the caped girl laughing at her.

You feel more and more the adrenaline of hating your body. Right on cue, more heroes appeared but this time they looked like young adults.

With them the other heroes were able to control your warriors, and also attack you. Some dates tried to get through you but nothing you couldn't avoid.

"Damn, I think they have me" you raised both your hands in surrender.

You saw how they let their guard down for a moment.

"Well that would be like that, if they defeated my true warriors" you smiled evilly.

At that moment, many other villains noticed that they owed you some favors and wanted to compensate them by fighting for you. With them watching your back, you focused on your last steps to see your mother again.

You took out all the souls of the witches you killed, they were offerings to the demon that had your mother.

You knew that they could, in a good mood, take revenge on the witches who mocked him and got away with it, having them as his servants would brighten his day.

Like an angry dog ​​receiving a treat to have it on your side.

But other annoying bugs had to appear just when you put the souls inside the portal.

This was already the height of your patience, your sanity could no longer continue as before, all your madness came out.

You began to attack with your scepter directly at each person who approached you. mercilessly, you had previously been lenient about the idea of ​​harming someone.

But you couldn't afford that luxury anymore, not when your plan was in danger of being destroyed.

You reached your turning point. Your body is starting to get tired, time was running out.

With everything you had you continued with your ritual.

Even if blood began to slide down your nose and red tears that burned in your eyes spilled.

But a big blow knocked you out, making you lose your concentration and sending you to the floor, sending your scepter flying away.

As soon as you opened your face you saw that the blood moon began to disappear.

You crawled, gathering all your strength, even if your body hurt, even if the impact of the blow was still present in your body, you continued.

Reciting weak spells to defend yourself. When you reached your precious scepter without strength, you no longer felt power within it.

"Nooo" it was over with all the fights you had and because of the ritual. When you saw the portal, you noticed that it had already disappeared, along with your sacrifice and the opportunity to have your mother back.

"NONONO BECAUSE YOU DON'T ANSWER" you shook your scepter many times desperate for it to work again, you could use a time spell, stop going back, so that the blood moon would appear again, of course that would shorten your life and you would surely be punished but no longer you cared "nooo let go of me" you struggled with the hands that held you. No matter how much you kicked, scratched, bit and screamed you couldn't keep them away. You cried... you cried very loudly, as if something was hurting you deeply, as if you had been stabbed very hard, and you screamed at the top of your lungs, until you were hoarse. You did it until your eyes became blurry, and your energy was gone, you passed out.

Your dream, your desire, seems finished... there was no longer anything that moved you, you give up, you let the world finish you once and for all... as it should always have been.

You woke up alone in an unknown room, lacking natural light, only artificial light from the spotlights that illuminated an annoying white light. everything was white and colorless, devoid of life.

Your clothes were too, you didn't wonder how you had them, you let things flow... you wouldn't worry about anything anymore... you wouldn't do anything anymore... you would just exist.

You cried a lot without stopping, not that you wanted to, but the sadness that was in your heart would not go away.

With your magic you swallowed some things, a book, a record player, some depressing music records, cherry liquor and some cigarillos. With those things you waited patiently.

Someone would appreciate it, those cameras in your room were a sign, next to the black window where you couldn't make out what was behind.

You blew smoke into your mouth, elegantly holding the cigarette in your fingers and looking at the white window trying to find something in it.

Your idea was actually to terrify or make the hair stand on end of whoever was looking at you.

You played with your hair from time to time, it's a real shame that it returned to its current color, you could use magic to change it but you didn't feel up to it.

A lot of black locks, aghh you hated the color, your aunts always said that it was your father's color and that you had many of his traits, although you couldn't change those traits much because of how annoying and complex it was, the hair was one.

Everything was boring, until a girl enters your room, she sat in one of the chairs that was at a table.

And he started to question you, you didn't answer him, you just paid attention to your cigarette.

That is until she had the audacity to get into your brain, you wouldn't let her get away with that, no one messes with your head, except you.

You let him examine whatever he wanted. a small spell when she committed a vast oversight, to make her forget what she saw and tell her other things, something terrifying and traumatizing, although you did not take pity so much and made her feel your same sadness, you were not a villain to traumatize a teenager for life .

Her tears were present, you just watched her cry with your cigarette in her lips, trying not to do the same.

But you failed, you also shed tears with the girl.

The next ones who tried the same thing were also unsuccessful.

until you felt a presence that you distinguished well.

“hello demon girl see you again” you smiled.

[mmgwritings]

GOLD RUSH

Characters: Kaz Brekker / Reader

Prompts: What happens when two people are destined to be apart? Inspired by Phoebe Bridgers' song "Motion Sickness".

Warnings: Angst; The other woman.

I am doomed to failure, I thought, my hands shaking as I held a glass, trying to control my expression into one of contentment, even as my throat felt a lump forming.

Everyone around me was smiling, too happy to notice the one person who hadn't moved to congratulate the couple — the only one whose eyes felt heavy at the sight of their clasped hands.

It was too much. I took another deep breath, forcing a smile back onto my face. I just had to hold on for a few more minutes, and then I would have a great excuse to leave the room. But for now, Kaz's hands still rested on Inej's, his fingers caressing the back of her hand as if they had known each other for a long time — like that was common.

“Well, Jesper, you owe me seven kruges,” Wylan said, nudging Jesper beside him. “I always knew they would be together, and I told you they would marry someday.”

“Here! Can we at least spend this somewhere better? It’s on me!” Jesper announced, pushing Kaz, Inej, and Wylan toward the Slat's door, probably leading them to a tavern.

I took the opportunity to move back a little. If I walked slowly, no one would notice me wiping away the insistent tears gathering in my eyes. It was a good plan; it seemed efficient — at least until Nina turned to look at me, a crease appearing on her face.

I turned away quickly, pretending to be engrossed in the laughter and chatter of the people around me, but my heart raced as I felt Nina’s gaze pierce through me. She always had a way of seeing right into my soul, as if she could read the unspoken words that hung heavy in the air just by the beating of the heart. I didn’t want to explain. I didn’t want anyone to know just how much this hurt. I was ashamed of feeling this way.

“Hey,” she called, her voice soft but insistent, cutting through the noise like a knife. “Are you alright?”

I forced a smile, the corners of my mouth trembling slightly. “Of course! Just a little… tired from all the excitement.” I could hear the strain in my own voice, the way it wavered like a fragile string about to snap. I didn’t want to burden her with my sadness, not when everyone else seemed so blissfully unaware of the turmoil inside me.

Nina studied me for a moment, concern in her features. “You don’t have to pretend with me,” she said, her tone gentle but firm. “If something’s wrong, you can tell me.”

But how could I explain? How could I put into words the weight of watching Kaz so effortlessly intertwining himself with Inej? The way his fingers glided over her hand as if it were the most natural thing in the world? It felt like a betrayal, a sharp knife twisting deeper into my chest with every shared laugh and glance between them.

But then, it wasn't really any betrayal. He was never mine in the first place; I just let myself be carried away by the feelings that I, alone, cultivated. If there was any pain, it was caused by my own blade.

“I just…” I hesitated, glancing back at the couple, my heart sinking further. Kaz looked radiant, a genuine smile lighting up his face, while Inej’s laughter rang out like music. They belonged together in a way I could never compete with.

The lump in my throat grew heavier, and I could feel the tears threatening to spill over. I focused on my glass instead, swirling the contents as if it could distract me from the ache inside. “I think I need some air,” I finally managed, voice barely above a whisper.

I looked around; we were still near the docks.

“Do you want me to come with you?” Nina asked, her brow furrowing in concern.

“No, really, I’ll be fine,” I insisted, hoping she wouldn’t press further. “Just a moment to breathe.”

With that, I slipped away, my heart pounding as I made my way toward an alcove. I needed to escape this suffocating atmosphere, the laughter that felt like a cruel taunt, reminding me of everything I would never have.

Once alone, the cool night air hit my face, refreshing yet stinging. I leaned against the wall, staring out into the darkness, the harbor lights twinkling like stars scattered across the horizon. I drew in a shaky breath, letting the chill wash over me, hoping it would quell this horrible feeling.

But even here, the ache wouldn’t fade. I couldn’t shake the image of Kaz and Inej, the way they fit together seamlessly, like pieces of a puzzle I would never belong to. I squeezed my eyes shut, willing the tears to stay away, but it was a losing battle.

Just then, I heard Nina’s voice calling out as she followed me into the alcove. “Hey, wait!”

I turned to face her, the warmth of her concern washing over me, though I felt the heaviness still lodged in my chest.

“What’s going on?” she asked, stepping closer. “You don’t seem fine at all.”

“I just…” My voice faltered as I searched for words, but nothing felt adequate enough to express the turmoil inside me. “It’s hard to watch them together.”

Nina nodded, understanding flickering in her eyes. “I can see that. It’s okay to feel that way, you know. You’re human.”

“It’s just… they’re so happy,” I whispered, the weight of my emotions threatening to spill over. “I thought maybe I could be happy for him, too, but…”

“But it’s hard when you care about someone who seems so out of reach,” she finished gently, her empathy a balm against my pain.

I met her gaze, feeling the walls I had built around my heart start to crack. “Yeah. I didn’t expect to feel this way. I thought I was stronger than this.”

Nina stepped closer, a comforting presence. “You don’t have to be strong all the time. It’s okay to feel sad or hurt. Let it out.”

“I don’t want to burden you,” I said, tears stinging my eyes.

“You’re not a burden,” she insisted, her voice steady. “You’re my friend, and I care about you. Please, don’t shut me out.”

I took a deep breath, the weight of her words settling over me.

“Okay,” I said softly, my resolve beginning to waver. “I just feel… lost. Watching Kaz with Inej feels like a reminder of everything I wanted but can’t have.”

Nina wrapped her arm around my shoulders, pulling me closer. “I know it hurts, but it doesn’t take away from your worth. You deserve happiness too, in whatever form it takes.”

As I leaned into her embrace, the tears I had fought so hard to hold back finally spilled over, but instead of feeling shame, I felt relief.

But it still hurt, thinking about what could have been if I had ever told Kaz how I felt about him. The possibility hung heavy. I replayed countless moments in my mind — each memory felt like a knife, sharp and painful, cutting deeper into my heart, because they were all just my perspective, they were just me falling in love with him, it was never mutual.

What if I had mustered the courage to confess? Would he have felt the same way? Or would he have looked at me with pity, gently telling me he didn’t feel that way, shattering my heart? The thought of losing him was unbearable, and so I had stayed silent, choosing to bury my feelings deep where no one could see them.

As I leaned against the wall, Nina’s comforting presence beside me, I couldn’t help but think about the cost of my fear. It would have been so easy to share my heart with him, to let him know he meant more to me than just a friend. But the fear of ruining what we had kept my lips sealed. I had always valued our friendship more than the uncertainty of what could lie beyond it.

“Do you ever wonder what might have happened if you had told him?” Nina asked softly, breaking the silence that had settled between us.

I nodded, biting my lip to suppress the tears that threatened to spill again. “All the time. It’s like a constant ache in my chest. I think about it and wonder… if I could have been the one for him.”

Nina squeezed my shoulder gently, her gaze understanding. “It’s natural to wonder. But it’s also important to remember that our feelings don’t always dictate someone else’s. Kaz might have been surprised, but he could have reacted differently than you think.”

“Maybe,” I murmured, the thought lingering in my mind like a distant hope. “But I just… I couldn’t risk losing him. I couldn’t handle that kind of heartbreak.”

“I get that,” Nina replied. “But keeping it all inside can be just as painful."

I took a deep breath, considering her words. It was true; I had built a fortress around my heart, thinking it would protect me from pain. But in doing so, I had also kept out the possibility of something beautiful.

“Maybe I should have said something,” I admitted, my voice barely above a whisper. Tears streaming down my face. “Maybe then I wouldn’t feel so lost.”

Nina smiled softly, her eyes shining with warmth and pity.

I glanced back toward the street, where Kaz and Inej were still laughing, lost in their own world. A pang of longing coursed through me, I would have to live with my choices.

“Thank you, Nina,” I said, my voice steadier now.

As I looked at them, memories washed over me like a warm wave, pulling me back to a night not too long ago.

It had been raining then, a heavy downpour that turned the streets of Ketterdam into glistening rivers. I had been sitting alone at a small table in a dimly lit tavern, nursing a drink and watching the rain dance against the window. I had felt so utterly lost, new in a different city, far from my family.

That was when Kaz had entered, soaked to the bone, shaking droplets off his coat like a stray dog. He had caught my eye immediately, and instead of joining the others, he had made his way over to me.

It was his way of hiring someone's services. It didn't take long for me to fall in love with him.

And now I had to live with it.

[achillean-heartbeat]

Listening to the AWTWB Baz playlist Rainbow Rowell has posted on spotify is... devastating.

i am in love with all of Rainbow's playlists and her annotations on her site. i absolutely love how much thought she puts into them in relation to her characters, and how much you can find Simon and Baz in their respective playlists.

But the AWTWB: Baz playlist, specifically, holds a special place in my heart...

The absolute fucking SOFTNESS from the first song till the very last... while listening i can SEE Baz cradling his own vulnerable bleeding heart in his hands and holding it out to Simon no matter the consequences...

I will never shut up about Rainbow's playlists for her characters. They're so good they make me weep everytime i listen.

Edit: Fuck it.

Here's all the specific lyrics in the AWTWB: BAZ playlist by Rainbow Rowell on spotify that made me physically clutch my heart from pain (and love. For Baz.):

"We thought love was something, we weren't meant to find, but now you're a stranger"

"but you don't remember, August honey, you were mine."

"I can't forget those earlier days, when i was in your heart, Now you take my hand, and it's as cold, as when you speak."

"Cannot count the ways you used to love me, But I can count the ways you used to try"

"The cries are just the start, To a fallen angel, While one hand takes the cross, Another lights the candle"

"would you feel, together and inebriated, enabling of a fable, we were never meant to be but together."

"I want say what lovers say to you, I want to feel what lovers feel with you, I want to do it with you. Would you be my lover?"

"Remember the time you told me love was touching souls, Surely you touched mine 'cause part of you pours out of me."

"You're in my blood, you're my holy wine. You taste so bitter and so sweet. Oh I could drink a case of you darling"

"You felt shelter somewhere in me, I find great comfort in you, And I keep you safe from harm, You hold me in your arms"

"I've got your back, And though, it's stacked against us, I've got your hand, It's us against consensus, And I will burn, The people who hurt you"

"You know it's time that we, Grow old and do some shit, I like it all that way"

"Won't you please let me go?, These words lie inside they hurt me so, I've Lost you, I've Lost you, I've Lost you."

"Please don't let me hit the ground, Tonight I think I'll walk alone, I'll find my soul as I go home."

"Looking out at endless snow, Waiting in the silence, If you won't spill your heart, I'll chase you for the worst you owe."

"You are the answer to my question, You are my accomplice in a crime."

"In the twilight they danced and played, The fireflies they go light like cray, In the dreaming we struck each other, and prayed, for pain."

"Two melting candles against the sun, Modern angels they broke our wings in the wind, For what?"

"But when I'm asleep, I want somebody, Who will put their arms around me, And kiss me tenderly"

"Who knows how long I've loved you, You know I love you still, Will I wait a lonely lifetime, If you want me to, I will."

The more i listen to this playlist, the more i cry, the more i ache over baz and the unconditional love this boy, this man, holds in his heart.

Thank you @rainbowrowell.

[yoongihan]

hi hi! Can I ask for a drabble with Seungmin and the prompt "Do you want to kiss as bad as I do right now?" and "I can't hold back anymore" as friends to lovers? Thank you 🥺

pairing: seungmin x femreader

genre: smut, fluff, f2l (as requested :D)

rating: M for light smut

word count: ~2k

warnings: smut in the form of a hand job (m. receiving), making out, implied other happenings, some cursing, name-calling (it's seungmin, what do you expect), I don't think there's much else, honestly.

a/n: sorry this took so long @multiland. also a huge thank you to @jl-micasea-fics for brainstorming this dynamic with me. my first time writing Seungmin and I had a lot of fun! also, I probably missed some typos/mistakes...apologies.

original request post here

99% Idiot

The things you do for friends. 

Especially the things you do for Seungmin (who is definitely just a friend).

“Are you bored?” he asks when you let out a big sigh the moment he turns away to peruse his paraphernalia. 

“I mean, holding still while you overthink is actually really stimulating, Min.”

He side-eyes you while still glancing over his array of palettes. “I am not overthinking. I’m considering what might be best.”

“Overthinking,” you sing-song at him. He turns, holding one of the brushes he has gathered for this experience. 

“You’re a brat.”

“But I’m still right.” You smile at him, intent on making him smile back. “My face is your canvas, and makeup remover exists. So stop playing chess.”

There it is. The little quirk of his lips. You point at it.

“What?”

“You smiled.”

“Did not.” The serious student is back but his eyes sparkle, so you know…you totally win. “Stay still.”

You drop your hand, fake-pout before trying to keep your face neutral. Seungmin has been really worried about this assignment in his Creative Makeup class. 

“Something new. That’s the assignment! Create something new!” he complained at you two days ago.   “Like that’s just easy. So much has been done before. How can I even–” He looked at you then, frustration etched on his face. 

“My face is at your disposal.” Because what else could you say? You aren’t a creative like him. You aren’t nearly as diligent a student as him. You know so little about makeup (you stopped trying to enhance yourself with makeup the moment Seungmin asked why you owned blue eyeshadow with that horrified expression of his) that the only thing you can offer is yourself.

Um, your face. Not like all of you. Body and soul to Kim Seungmin. That would be…a bit much. 

He’s doing something to your eyebrows currently. He plucks one hair and you wince.

“Ow.”

“Baby.”

It’s an insult. You know that, but the name-calling is a little too sweet-sounding for your overworked and repressing brain. 

“Tyrant,” you respond.

He grins widely at that. Of course, he would be flattered by an unflattering title. 

Why are you friends with him?

He’s leaned in to brush something on your cheeks and you wonder how wise volunteering to be his guinea pig (where does that even come from? Why guinea pig? Were they the first volunteering rodent out there?) when his face is that close. 

He’s such an interesting version of beauty. No one looking at him would think him anything but attractive, but it’s not a ‘smack you in the face’ kind of beauty (you picture Seungmin’s friend Hyunjin who regularly smacks you with his hotness and it’s hella intimidating and you kinda want to run away). Seungmin is a subtle beauty. Thoughtful eyes, amused lips, fluffy hair. He’s lanky, but he did beat you in arm wrestling. Which isn’t anything to write home about, but he is stronger than he looks. 

His face is sweet, though some would argue that he is not, he really is. He’s just not overt about it. He mocks you regularly, but you don’t think he would if it actually hurt your feelings. He’s soft with Felix, who is the most sensitive of your friend group. When you try and wrap your arm around his shoulders, he ducks away. When Felix does it, Seungmin just takes it.

You’re not jealous of Felix or anything. 

“Where’d you go?” he asks, jolting you back to the present. He’s cocked his head to the side, staring at you. 

You don’t take it seriously. He’s doing your makeup for fucks sake. Even if the scrutiny is a bit much for your composure.

“Somewhere where my face isn’t being looked at like a science experiment.” 

He rolls his eyes before holding your chin in his hand. “Lips.”

You really are an idiot 99% of the time. 

You pucker them exaggeratedly and he huffs at you. 

“Slightly parted, pabo.”

That’s one of his nicknames for you. But he calls Jisung that too, so it’s not special or anything.

You ‘slightly part’ your lips, trying to pretend that having him this close, touching you, laser-focused on your mouth is all normal and cool.

He paints your lower lip with a tiny brush, meticulous. His thumb touches the bottom of your lip to keep it from moving too much. 

“Your face is red.”

“Guess you did a shitty job, then,” you retort. One corner of his mouth turns up and his eyes meet yours just for a second before he returns to the job at hand. 

He works on your top lip before speaking again: “I do appreciate this.”

You are now speechless.

He laughs when you raise your eyebrows. “I do. I do a lot on my own face, but I know the contours of everything so well now. You’re…you have different contours.”

“Is that a compliment?” You mean to sound cocky, but the thready quality of your voice ruins that completely. 

He shrugs, before reaching to smooth something at the corner of your lips. “It’s not not a compliment.”

Your turn to roll your eyes as he holds out a hand mirror in front of you. 

You see the reflection’s eyes widen. He’s literally made you look not like you. Your eyes seem bigger, nose narrower, cheeks higher, and lips fuller.

When you look at him over the mirror, he snaps a photo on his phone.

“Hey, I wasn’t ready.”

He makes a dismissive sound before taking another. “What do you think?”

You look back at the mirror. “I think I could be a spy if you were in charge of my disguises. I do not look like myself.” And maybe you’re fishing. “I look…pretty.”

He groans and takes the mirror out of your hand. “Fuck off, you are pretty.” He starts to angle your face and takes a few more photos. “Eyes closed please.”

You shut your eyes, your heart a little fluttery at the disgruntled compliment. 

“Thank you Seungmin.”

When you open your eyes, he’s about to use a makeup remover wipe on your face. 

“What? Why?”

“You think that’s it?”

The groan you let out makes him giggle.

You have no idea how many minutes or hours pass, but your face feels very abused and he’s tried four looks on you. 

“My face has lost like seven layers of skin,” you whine when he wipes your face again. 

“Unlikely, but skin tends to grow back pretty easily so just skip classes for a few weeks.” He rubs the cloth over your lips as you pout, laughing when your lower lip makes a noise as it bounces back into position. 

“I hope you fail this assignment.”

“No you don’t,” he answers easily before coating his hands in something then putting it on your face. “Lotion. Face lotion. I stole it from Hyunjin.”

“Well, if it’s Hyunjin’s then I guess it’s good.” You don’t question why he’s doing it when you have two perfectly good hands. It’s kind of nice. He’s actually gentle. Your eyes close when he massages along your jaw. “Does this mean you’re done torturing me?” You open your eyes to see him staring at you oddly. He drops his hands and turns back to his plethora of makeup and skincare. 

He dabs something on his finger before returning, this time to your lips. You make a sound at the contact and he freezes, eyes darting to yours.

You’re not used to Seungmin looking out of his depth. 

“I…your lips too,” he says, swallowing before drawing his finger along your bottom lip. “They need moisture.” He presses his own lips together as he rehydrates your top lip. He doesn’t pull back immediately, his finger still lightly touching. “Better?”

You don’t know how words work anymore.

His face is flushed now, cheeks pink and his ears almost red. He mumbles your name, as though to prompt you to say something, but all you can focus on is how his hand is finally drawing away and you’re sort of following. 

“Your face is red,” you whisper. He shrugs but doesn’t make eye contact. “Min…”

That’s when he looks up, eyes that are usually full of mischief and are just wide and concerned right now. 

You really are an idiot 99% of the time. 

But it’s the 1% (you hope) that speaks up:

“Do you want to kiss as bad as I do right now?”

You watch as his eyes fall to your well-moisturized lips then back to your gaze. 

You’re going to take that as a ‘yes’.

When you tug him close by the collar of his windbreaker, his hands find purchase on your jean-clad thighs before your mouths meet. You have thought previously of what it might be like to kiss Seungmin, and you thought he might be just as logical and rational about kissing as he seems to be with everything else.

You were wrong. 

You forgot about how passionate he is about things that matter to him. 

His tongue seeks yours almost immediately, you hear his sharp intake of breath at the way you return the kiss, mouth open and your hands nearly pulling him out of his seat. He stumbles a bit, before settling onto your lap, his hands now at your hips. He squeezes them before pulling at your t-shirt to untuck it from your jeans. When his hands touch your skin, you bite his lower lip and he jerks back to look at you. 

That’s when you realize you are still holding on to his collar with a death grip. You loosen your fingers before cupping his face in your hands, your thumb soothing where you’ve just bit. 

He’s panting, those eyes still wide, but much darker now. You lean in, gauging his response before brushing your mouth on his. He moans softly, kissing you back, his hands trailing up your sides until he reaches your bra. When he lets his fingers drift over the cup, tickling your breast, you jolt right against him. 

In case you weren’t sure if he was into it, feeling how hard he is sets your mind at ease. 

When you press your hand there, he lets out another moan before his face drops into the crook of your neck.

“Fuck you,” he whispers.

“I mean,” you begin, trying to get your own breath back. “I think that’s what you’re wanting to do.”

You feel a nip on your skin and you shiver. You stroke a little harder through his sweats and he rocks into your hand.

“You feel so good, baby.” He lifts his head to meet your eyes. “Baby,” he repeats, when you smile at him. He kisses your nose then lips again. “You keep doing that…I can’t hold back anymore…”

“You threatening me, Kim Seungmin?”

He kisses you again, grinding before you slip your hand past his waistband. He trembles. 

“Yes,” he groans. “I promise to torture you next…” You feel his fingers tighten their hold on you and it’s honestly the best thing you’ve ever done. 

He comes in a matter of what feels like seconds, slumping against you. You carefully tuck him back into his pants, dropping a kiss to his cheek. He raises up to glare at you before kissing you back. It’s languid, the slow strokes of his tongue, one of his hands returning to your breast. When you shudder at his touch, you feel his chuckle more than hear it, his mouth leaving yours to trail to cheek then ear. One nibble on your earlobe has you making a sound that you know he’ll mock you for eternity about.

“Didn’t you already torture me? The whole makeup thing?” you ask, mild pleading in your words. 

He slides off your lap and takes your hand. “You make a good point.” He pulls you off the chair and down the hallway as you stagger behind him. “Guess I better thank you properly then.” He whirls you into his bedroom and shuts the door behind him. 

The things you do for friends. 

Especially the things you do for Seungmin (who is no longer just a friend).

--

© yoongihan 2023. please do not steal, translate, repost, or whatever. stray kids belong to themselves and all idols used in this piece are just the inspiration for characters and do not in any way reflect the actual humans.

[thelightsandtheroses]

eight: don't let this darkness fool you

Your Hand In Mine | Joel Miller x female reader.

Chapter summary: after the reappearance of the junction, you try and find a way back to some form of normal Chapter warnings: Reader is a single parent to a teenager, mentions of breakups, discussions of cults/religious movements and violence within these, threat of a gun, tension, lightly implied panic attack/anxiety, 18+ blog mdni, Notes: Chapter title is from Call Your Mom by Noah Kahan (and the song that I personally credit with helping me through a rough patch last year) Thanks for all of your patience with this chapter - my life irl has been hectic but I'm good! Word Count: 3.9k

Previous | Series | Next

You can’t even remember how you got home, but you’re in kitchen and somewhere in Jackson right now Sean is talking to your son, trying to explain it all to him and Beau and Joel are … they’ll have killed Ethan by now.

The loss of power, of agency in your own past’s return to Jackson makes you feel sick. You should be the one talking to Gabe, it should be your final blow to Ethan. This is your mess, this is your life, not theirs. Having others involved feels intrinsically wrong and yet, you’re grateful to have them to share this burden. So grateful.

Maria makes you tea in your kitchen without speaking. She’s told you that you can stay, that’s something. You wonder if she’ll ever truly trust you again though.

You open your mouth but you can’t find the words, you don’t know where to start. You selfishly don’t want to talk about it. You feel tired in your bones, in every single part of your body. It’s a weight pulling you down.

What if Jackson is at risk though?

“Will they come after him here?” Maria finally asks.

“I don’t know,” you reply.

“And you don’t recognise anyone here?”

“I’ve been out of that group for almost seventeen years, Maria, I - I don’t think I would know if they were here. Hell, you could be one of them for all I know.” You laugh bitterly and take a sip of your tea. “I don’t know how much he would have told them, he’s secretive. They could be … I don’t know.”

“Okay.”

Maria pauses. If this was a film then this would be the moment where you confess everything, where you bare your soul over tea and cry together. Maria would hug you and tell you everything would be okay, or perhaps say it’s too much, that she was wrong, you do need to leave.

You just have to say something. There are so many conversations you owe people now, Maria included, but in the immediate aftermath you don’t have any words.

Eventually it’s just you in the kitchen with a cold cup of tea and silence as your companion.

You’re alter when Gabriel comes home with Sean and you inwardly count your blessings that he even returned. You wondered if he would.

The silence is protracted and stilted in the kitchen around the three of you. You’re not sure what to expect: anger, upset, hurt, a combination of everything?

Sean has taken his hand of Gabe’s shoulder, has moved to leaning against a counter exactly halfway between you and your son who loiters in the doorway, illuminated by the hallway light.

“We should talk, Gabriel,” you say finally, rising from your chair and placing your cold tea mug down.

“Yeah, I reckon so.” You wonder when he grew up, when he changed from a little boy - your little boy - who believed in myths and legends to the almost man before you. Gabriel folds his arms and looks at the ground. “Was he really -”

“We’re your -” We’re your family you want to say, it’s us and it doesn’t matter about Ethan. He’s irrelevant.

It’s not what he’s asking though and it’s not what you owe him. You are all too aware that one wrong word will send him running like a skittish animal, that every syllable matters right now.

“Yes.”

“I look like him,” he says quietly. “When I looked at him, I could see … I could see it.”

“You look like you,” you say gently, “You’re you and only you, you’re not me and you’re not him.”

Gabriel swallows. “Did - am I-”

“No,” you reply vehemently before he can even finish the sentence.

“So, you don’t regret me?”

You pause, taken aback that your son would ask you this. “You saved my life, Gabriel, I would never regret you. Never.”

“How did I save you?” your son asks, curiosity flashing across his face.

“I knew I was pregnant and I didn’t want that life for you, that’s what gave me the courage to talk to Sean, to find a way out, for something better.” You think maybe with everything that’s happened today, the fact that leaving led to a difficult journey where you gave birth in a bombed-out warehouse and then a more than decade long misadventure in the Kansas QZ can be glossed over. You’re in Jackson, you’re here, right?

“That’s … I didn’t know that.”

“You’re the best thing that ever happened to me, Gabe.”

“But if you had a time machine, if you could erase being with him”

“Then there wouldn’t be you and that’s not a decision I want to erase, that’s not a life I want. Would I have wanted you, just you, in a different world without infected or any of that? Sure, but I’d still want it to be you and without all this around us - maybe you wouldn’t be you and that’s not okay with me. I’m rambling, aren’t I?”

“I - I don’t know what to make of all this. Sean told me … he told me some of it, a lot of it I think, but he said I’d need to talk to you and I want to. I do. I’m just …” Your son looks exhausted, eyes red from crying, his posture more crumpled than you’ve seen it before. “I didn’t know what it was like, I didn’t know why or what or … it’s a lot to take in. There are years, years that you’ve told me different things and it’s all muddled in my head. I’m angry about that, really angry, but I - we can get through it, right? I want us to be honest now, please?”

“Yes. We can talk about it whenever you’re ready,” you say, “I’ll do my best to tell you what I can, Gabe, is that okay? I’m sorry, I’m sorry for all of this.”

He nods.

“I don’t think I can talk about it all any more tonight,” he admits and you exhale slowly. “There’s too much for one night.”

“Today’s been a lot, it’s been … I can’t even imagine how you feel, but I love you so much. Sean and Beau love you and none of that has changed, could ever change in fact. I’m sorry I kept this from you, I wanted to protect you. I never thought something like this, like today would happen.”

“Sean said you all thought this group - you thought that they were around here recently.” Gabriel pauses, “Is that why you broke up with Joel?”

“We needed to be able to prepare, to run if needed. I need you safe.” It’s easier to just stick with that to admit than that being so close to Joel, to this kind and solid man had been too overwhelming throughout it all. That losing him was a suitable sacrifice if you could bargain your family’s safety. That the pain was the appropriate punishment.

“You liked him though,” Gabe says, “you haven’t been like that with a guy for a while. I mean … he’s okay, you were good together or whatever.” From Gabe, this is the highest endorsement any man you have ever dated has received.

“I thought you were at the age where the idea of your parents dating repulsed you?”

“Oh, I am and this conversation is something that’ll I never admit it. I just, I do want you to be happy.”

“You too.” You move closer, wrapping him into a close hug. “You too, kiddo. I was so scared,” you whisper, “I was so scared I’d lost you.”

Relief floods through you, you haven’t lost him, you haven’t.

Maybe there’s a way through this.

Maybe there is a way to stay.

You’re avoiding Joel. You’re avoiding as much of the town as you can actually. In the wake of the Junction’s reappearance to your life, you bunker down in your home like a hurricane is still to come.

It’s been over a week now and your creativity in avoiding the town surely deserves recognition. You’re immune to Gabe’s frowns now, to the whispered conversations between Beau and Sean.

You can’t face it yet.

This isn’t permanent. You know you should speak to Maria and Tommy, to offer some sort of guidance on how to tell if the cult is entrenched in Jackson, rotting your home away from the inside, but Sean seems to be handling that for you now. Everyone around you is treating like a wounded animal, afraid of you either self-destructing or lashing out.

You’re not sure what you’re supposed to do now, you’re not sure what comes next.

The bench calls to you.

You find yourself walking there without thought. You need peace, you need to be in a place where the buzzing in your mind can quieten down and where you can avoid prying eyes that mean well. If Sean looks at you one more time with those giant sympathetic eyes of his, you might scream.

You didn’t expect the bench would be occupied.

“It’s okay,” Joel says as soon as he sees you, “I can go if you want to be alone.”

“No, no,” you say quietly, “I want you to stay, Joel.”

You did that to him.

Guilt courses through your body and you look away from his careful gaze immediately.

It’s quiet at this time of night. So quiet. Even the wind is still tonight and while this serene silence would usually bring you peace, tonight is different. You can feel the weight of all the words you should say, and can’t say, and want to say in your stomach.

You sit down next to him, not meeting his gaze and instead remaining transfixed to the night sky ahead.

“I’m sorry you had to do this,” you finally say, pointing at his hand, “does it - does it hurt?” It’s not the question Joel expected, or even you for that matter.

“Hey,” Joel carefully reaches to touch your arm and then hesitantly withdraws, clasping his hands in his lap instead. “It’s not on you.”

“You can’t mean that,” you protest, “if I had said something to Maria, if I had stopped him before-”

“You can’t do this to yourself,” Joel says firmly, “Trust me, you did - you made the best choices you could then, right? Not just for you, but for your kid and that’s got to be enough. It has to be.” There’s something desperate in his expression, something you can’t understand because his reaction feels too vehement, too firm for the occasion. “You did what you did for your kid and I can’t argue with that, no one can.“

“But I could have changed things. We might still be in danger because of me.”

“We can’t live like that, can’t punish ourselves for things we’d never have known. None of us can. Not now, and certainly not before. It won’t help you. Trust me.” Joel exhales. “I spent years agonising over decisions, over every single move I made the night that - that Sarah - I went through everything I did, what I should have done. If I’d just bought the damn cake, if I hadn’t picked up Tommy, if I hadn’t worked a double. Maybe I could have made a different turning, or I coulda said something else to the soldier and then it would be different. I spent years on that.” Joel exhales. “I tore myself up every way I could over it.”

“It was an accident. It was a tragedy,” you say, “it wasn’t joining a damned cult, or dragging your best friend into it too.”

“And how’d you have known that then?”

“I know, I know all this. Logically it makes sense but it just can’t - I can’t make it fit in my head.” You sigh. “I have blood on my hands.”

Joel looks at his own hands before he speaks, “I don’t think anyone who’s alive now doesn’t.”

“You and Beau shouldn’t have had to -”

“I don’t want a man like that near Ellie, near my town, near the people I lo - care about,” Joel says simply. “Beau was of a similar view.”

“What - no, I - is it wrong I don’t want to know?”

Joel looks at you seriously and shakes his head. “Not at all, not at all.”

“Still, I’m sorry you got dragged into this. I mean, we’re not - not anymore. You shouldn’t have been obligated or anything.”

“Beau let something slip earlier,” Joel says carefully, “That you’ve suspected that group was nearby for weeks.”

“I know, I should have told Maria.”

“Right about the time you told we couldn’t - well, you remember what you said.”

You feel your cheeks heating up. Joel’s a smart enough man, if Gabe had worked it out, of course Joel would have.

You want to say it was because of the Junction, that you still want him. That you haven’t stopped thinking about him since then. Only it’s not entirely true, is it?

You’ve spent weeks in fight or flight, your only thought has been survival. Now people are telling you the worst is over, that you can start to heal again but you don’t know that. Even if it’s true, your body doesn’t know, it certainly can’t feel yet.

You feel on edge, nervous and unsure.

You want to jump onto Joel right now, feel his embrace and touch once more as you pretend the last weeks were just a bad dream. You also don’t want him near you, you’re scared it’s you, that you made Ethan’s worst side come out. He wasn’t a cult leader when you met him after all.

You want Joel, but you’re not sure if you’re ready to jump back in yet. You can’t go from planning an emergency exit, to confronting the man you thought was dead, and then straight back into some sort of mythical romance just like that. Joel might have slayed Ethan, but unlike a fairytale, there are marks on you that won’t immediately heal.

“I am not going pressure you into anything, I just want to say that if - oh hell, I don’t even know what I’m saying.” Joel swallows.

“You can just blame it on being moondrunk.”

“Moondrunk?” Joel asks with a chuckle.

“Yeah, look at that view. Moondrunk.”

“Moondrunk,” he repeats gently. “I mean it though, I- I’m terrible at this, but when you’re ready, if you’re ready …”

“Thanks, Joel.” You wring your hands together. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to do now.”

“Live?”

“That simple, huh?”

He smiles wryly, “That simple.”

“So, you’re back at the bench, huh? Haven’t seen you here in a while,” you comment, keen to change the subject.

“I thought you were there first, figured it should be yours. But I - tonight I needed to come here, clear my head. I didn’t know if you’d be here.”

“Are you okay I am?”

“Yeah, yeah, of course.”

You shut your eyes for a moment. For a second you allow yourself to pretend it’s weeks ago, that you and Joel are still together, the Junction a distant memory. For a moment you thought this would be your life now.

Can it still be?

Joel’s still here, he’s patient and kind and good. “When I’m ready,” you begin softly, “when I’m ready, you’ll know.”

You don’t open your eyes but you swear you can feel Joel’s smile. “Okay, that’s okay with me,” he says.

The two of you stay there until sunrise.

It’s the library that finally makes you leave your home. Sean lets slip that it’s been closed since you started your retreat from the town and it pulls at your heart. There are people who rely on the library - it’s an escape for them, or a chance to learn. It feels wrong to keep the place closed, another failing.

The library, like the bench, is a sanctuary for you. Only, unlike the bench it’s for the whole town. It’s a safe and comforting place. You’ve built something there.

“You should go back,” Gabe says one night as he picks at his dinner.

“I should?”

“To the library.”

“Oh.”

“You loved it there and it - it’s your place,” he says simply, “I think you should open it again.” It’s a truly polite way to challenge your new hermit state. You notice Sean and Beau raising eyebrows at each other from the table.

“I- I will.”

“When?”

You raise an eyebrow at your son. “When I’m ready.”

“I think it would be good for you,” he says.

“I will listen to that, Gabe, okay? I just -”

Sean says your name softly and the way everyone in this house suddenly infuriates you. You don’t want their kid gloves or quiet observation, the continued sense that you’re staying inside too long, that you’re becoming someone that they don’t recognise. It’s overwhelming.

“I’ll open it tomorrow,” you say, desperate to make them change the subject, to see that you are okay.

Beau looks over at you with surprise in his eyes. “You don’t have to. I’m sure that Maria can get someone to cover -”

“They’ll shelve things wrong, Beau, we all know that. I’ll - I’ve got this,” you say as decisively as you can muster, before stabbing a potato with your fork. You’re fine, you can do this.

For Gabe, you can do this.

The following morning, you find yourself nervously standing in the empty library. It smells fustier; the tension hangs in the air as you notice the books you were partway through shelving before you left it for the last time.

You curl your arms tightly around yourself and open your thermos of tea with shaking hands. It’s been too long hiding away, you’ve built up nightmares in your head of the Junction running into the library, or Jackson residents turning against you.

No one even glanced at you as you walked to the library this morning.

There’s no one here though. Perhaps word hasn’t got out that you’ve reopened the library yet, or perhaps Maria has told people to give you space when you eventually emerged from your hiding places. You appreciate it and throw yourself into rearranging a display, in picking out books for the school class who usually come by on Fridays.

“Hi,” a voice says from behind you.

You spin around to see Ellie standing ahead of you. Her hands are shoved into her jeans pockets awkwardly and she looks nervous as she meets your eyes.

“Ellie,” you say gently.

“Joel said I should give you space.”

“Did he now?”

“So did Maria in fairness.”

“Right. Of course they did.”

“Do you need space?” she asks as you pull yourself to standing from the floor you were kneeling on.

“Not from you, Ellie.”

“Good, because it’s been a while, man. How much space can you need?”

“You sound like Gabe.”

“Can’t all be wrong, huh?”

“Absolutely, so did you finish that space book?”

“Mmhmm and I’m going to be honest that I may have swapped it for another book while you were out.”

“The library was locked, Ellie.”

“There was a window and I got Ca- a friend to give me a booster. Joel and I had to do it a lot in um, when we were travelling.”

“So you learnt your break in skills from Joel?” You ask, fighting the smile on your face as you make a show of crossing your arms.

“Technically, I was breaking into places with my friend Riley … well, one time anyway. ” Ellie shrugs. “At least I owned up, right?”

“Sure. I feel you’ve pretty much exhausted our collection of books on space though. We could move you on to fiction though - sci-fi, lots of space.”

“That could work.” Ellie purses her lips together, clearly battling against saying something. You wonder what she really came here to say; is she angry that Joel got involved, that you endangered her and the town? Does she want you to leave?

You wouldn’t blame her.

“I’m sorry about what happened with that guy,” Ellie says.

“I should apologise to you, Ellie, you got caught in the middle and you shouldn’t have. None of you should have.”

“It’s not your - it’s nothing, honest,” Ellie says and her sincerity somehow makes you feel worse.

“I appreciate that, Ellie, thank you.”

“I wanted to talk to you, because - because before we came to Jackson, there were these people we came across.”

Your blood runs cold. What does Ellie mean? Did she and Joel come across the Junction, or something worse? Why would she say this? You look at the young girl and wonder what her and Joel’s story really is, the chemical burn, the vehemence at you not being involved that. What happened to Ellie?

“Ellie, you don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to.”

“I want to tell you. Do you not want me to?”

“No, it’s fine, I just don’t want you to feel obligated to share something you may not want to.”

“Noted. I’m good though. So this group, they were these … I don’t know, cannibals? but this guy, he was like religious, or so he said and it was -”

“I’m sorry, you ran into a cannibal cult?” you ask incredulously.

“Kinda.”

“Fuck, Ellie.”

“I mean, it wasn’t a cult centred around cannibalism, that was more incidental.”

“Oh, well, that makes all the difference.”

“Right? Anyway, we got away. I - I got away. Joel was hurt before and so I was on my own and I know he feels bad about that.”

“Elie”, you whisper quietly.

“For a long time, I tried to figure out why this guy, Da- he was so … respected and so …. I don’t know. He was dangerous but quiet about it. I always thought the threat would be like a clicker or bloater, something visible. You look at it and you know that’s bad; you know what you’re up against. Plus on our way here I saw so much. Hunters, well at least they don’t hide it. This guy did. I - I almost bought it.”

“I’m sorry, Ellie.”

“It’s fine. It was almost a year ago now. It’s the past.” Ellie pauses and looks up at you. “I just wanted to tell you that.”

“I appreciate that, Ellie.” You take a deep breath. “For what it’s worth, the understanding the guy thing? It’s not like it starts off dangerous, it’s just normal at first, maybe a little different but within respectability. It … appeals to you, this sense of belonging, I suppose.”

“Belonging?”

“I’d never felt like I fitted in anywhere and then the world ended. My parents were …. all I had left was Sean and I didn’t want him to think I was clingy and end up with no-one. So there was this group and it seemed normal. It was normal at first. It was a slow change and then really fast and I don’t want to, I’m not sure if I should - you’re a kid, Ellie.”

“I’m-”

“A great and cool one, and one who’s seen a hell of a lot and is very brave, but you’re Joel’s kid, Ellie.”

“He’s not my - ” Ellie breaks off. “Yeah, yeah, you’re right.”

You scan through the pile of books you were shelving and pass one to Ellie. “Try this one next, I think you’ll love it.”

“Thanks,” Ellie says, saying your name kindly, “I’ll read it next.”

“Well, let me know what you think. I’ll be here.”

Ellie smiles. “Good, I’d hate to have keep breaking in to steal books.”

Tag List

YHIM: @orcasoul@pedropascalsbbg @yoursoulsunbreakable @iamskyereads @genetics4life

@everyth1ngfan @frickatives @perennialdoll247 @joelsgreys @pedrobaby

@missladym1981 @noisynightmarepoetry @picketniffler @titlee78

Everything Pedro tag-list: @harriedandharassed @pedrostories @hiroikegawa @pedrosaidsheispunk @pastelnap

[thesupernaturalhouse]

This started out as a funny snipper. How tf did it turn into a fanfic?? Also this took me so long anyways, pt3 of the accidental overlord vaggie fic

Alastor: shoves Vaggie between him and Rosie and drops Frank onto her lap

Vaggie: trying to process how tf a giant dragon got through an elevator among many other things

Carmilla: thank you for coming today. I've gathered you all here to talk about the millions of souls-

Vaggie squeaks so quiet no one hears her: I'm sorry fucking how many??....How- How do you check that?? Gets ignored

She's just squeezing poor frank like a stress toy

Carmilla ignores her: You own. And how their at risk with the new extermination schedule. And how we minimize the damage going to be caused by it.

Finally looking aorund the room

Carmilla: Zestial, so god to see you- ....Alastor?? And- eyes narrow the protective overlord

Alastor, leaning over to block vaggie form view because he's petty as fuck: hello! Yes yes, I know, I've been absent for a longgg time and I'm sure youre all DYING to knwo where I've been~

Carmilla:...no. not really, shrugs but welcome back anyways I suppose....I am interested about who you've brought though....

Vaggie: just staring out into space, regretting her life choices and trying to count how many people owe her 'favors'

Carmilla slgihtly concerned/unnerved: In any case, this year's extermination was brutadal. A good 16% of the population was killed off. With them coming back in only 6 months I think it prudent that we-

Velvette: just fucking kicks the door open Yeah, I've got it handled Vox? Are you doubting me? ME might I remind you? Yeah, no. That's what I thought. Yes, yes, I know, thank you V, see you later Okay, bye, kisses darling!

Carmilla: nice of you to finally join us, Velvette. Will you.....colleges? be joining us?

Velvette: What? No way. They have better shit to do than to listen to some old windbag who think she's tough shit! Haha, no. Immm here to represent!

Carmilla:...charming. now, back to what I was saying, we need to-

Velvette: waves her arm frantically

Camilla feeling like a preschool teacher: yes??

Velvette: well, on the topic of discussssss throws exorcists head down let's discuss

Alastor: oooo tasty!!

Vaggie: ohhhhh my god....whispering to herself is that Tuff?? Wtf- how??

Carmilla:......where...did you get this?

Velvette: doesn't matter. We found it, though. And if these angle fuckers can be killed, then the game of cat and mouse has changed, the boys and I have-

Vaggies distressed squeaking as Velvette continues, Zestial jsut slumps his tea

Velvette:....the fuck is wrong with you two?? Looks at vaggie leans downs to get closer....also you're new

Vaggie: uhhhhh......thank?? You??

Velvette: narrows eyes before her head snaps ti zestial

Zestial: we shouldn't go to war with such meger proof.

Velvette:...meger- MEGER PROOF!? ITS a dead fucking Exorcist!!! What more do you WANT!? A video of it being killed?? No- this is definitive proof- if you can't see that, maybe you're going blind old man.

Zestial: it may be dead but how? It could be by a demon, but mayhaps it died due to unrelated reasons

Vaggie: Well, angles have hurt their own kind. Wouldn't be suprised if killing was another option for them

Everyone's heads snap to her

Vaggie:.....did....I say that out loud?

Carmillas narrows her eyes: how do you know that.

Vaggie: I um...I....I saw it happening?

Velvette:....wait aren't you the princesses whore? What are you doing out if your bird cage hm?

Vaggie: I....what??

Carmilla shaking her head: we're getting off topic.

Zestial: Carmilla is right. If we rush to war the angles would purge all of the sinners for daring to even TRY an uprising

Overlords: muttering

Alastor: why don't we put it to a vote?

Vaggie: depends is one of the options 'can we all just go home pelase?'

Alastor: hmmm no!

Vaggie grumbling: I hate you.

Velvette narrows eyes: ohhh okay I see. Grandpa's to scared to make a move! So then there's no point in it huh?

*the respect less song which I am not writing*

Zeezi: pft, what the hell? we literally JUST got here!

odette:....mom??

Carmille:....meeting dismissed.

Vaggie: uh, does this mean we can go home?- gets glared at .....okay sits back down like a scolded kid as she thinks about wtf jsut happened

Vaggie to herself in a defeated tone:.....she never told me how to see how many souls I own.....how many people owe me favors?

Proceeds to try and calculate and count on her fingers and Alastor watches in amusement, after sending off frank, and Rosie watches slightly concerned as to wtf her friend did to this teenage child....and maybe also finding it a bit funny

Part 2 | Part 3(here!) | Part 4

[robsterskellington]

Okay, so I've read all of Mo Dao Zu Shi, the novels and manhua, and watched the donghua three times. Safe to say the brainrot is real. So, I wrote a little something. My brain always comes up with the same scenario for every fandom I'm interested in: what if one character woke up back in a specific point in time, but with all the memories of what will happen? Would or could they prevent certain things, or make the same mistakes?

Anyway, here's a piece I wrote earlier:

Wei Wuxian slowly opened his eyes, feeling dreadful and very confused- he had been in bed with Lan Wangji, hadn't he? They'd celebrated their wedding anniversary in Yunmeng, then went to bed. It was a fun celebration, even Lan Xichen had come out of seclusion to join. Wei Wuxian ate good food and partied with the people he loved; he'd finally patched things up with Jiang Cheng, Jin Ling had called him *Uncle Wei* for the first time, and Lan Sizhui tried to make him happy by trying the spicy foods. Lan Wangji also seemed happy, he'd started smiling more so it was easy to tell. Once the party was over, they had their intimate moments and fell asleep curled in each other's arms, happy and in love.

So... why was Wei Wuxian lying on his stomach, surrounded by resentful energy, in what looked like the bottom of the Burial Mounds? His body hurt, like it had done when he was thrown down by Wen Chao. He scowled at that memory before managing to get his arms to move, forcing himself to sit up, wincing. "Ow..."

He looked at himself and froze- he was back in his old body, but back to when he was about 17 or 18? He opened his robes a little and felt his blood run cold. The Wen brand on his chest was still fresh, as was the stitching on his abdomen from when he had his Golden Core extracted. It was a miracle that the stitching didn't split when he fell. His robes were the same, though his Clarity Bell was missing, obviously.

Wei Wuxian felt dizzy, hearing the whispering of the dead, their souls unable to rest, the resentment being the strongest here. This was the perfect place for someone to become a wielder of the dark arts, though only if they truly had no other choice. Wei Wuxian's options were to absorb it, or die... and after what happened to Jiang Fengmian and Yu Ziyuan and the rest of the Jiang Clan, how could he choose death for himself? No, he'd take all the resentment, and use it to carve his own path- after all, to secure Jiang Cheng's future, Wei Wuxian sacrificed his own. Once he absorbed it, he could walk around with no pain, only power. That was when he'd find a cave filled with scrolls- people who fell here had tried to do what he did, but with no success, dying and joining the resentment.

That was when Wei Wuxian became the Yiling Patriarch, the Founder of Diabolism, the Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation. Someone who's strength couldn't be beaten or tamed, and someone who was feared by all.

Why was he going through all this again? It couldn't have been a result of the incense burner, they'd left that behind in Guzu. He had all the memories of everything that happened after this, and frowned. If this was a second chance... how much could he change? How much *should* he change? What if he made everything so much worse?

This thoughts immediately went to his Shijie, her husband, and how her son grew up, with no parents to guide him. Wen Ning's death, and Wei Wuxian being unable to let him go since he'd died with his eyes open. Hell, the Wen Clan remnants truly didn't deserve what they got, it was a miracle that Wen Yuan was given a second chance as Lan Sizhui. Nie Mingjue absolutely didn't deserve what fate gave to him, and while Jin Guangyao was a piece of shit, it was only because of his unfaithful father. That just brought up the whole mess with Xiao Xingchen and Song Lan, as well as Xue Yang.

Wei Wuxian didn't know what to do. Interfere? Would that just make things worse again? Besides, *how* could he interfere with some things? Could certain things even be prevented or caused? He can't exactly claim he knew what was going to happen without sounding like a madman, and he couldn't even blame that on Mo Xuanyu this time! A depressing part of him then wondered: how much could be prevented if Wei Wuxian simply chose the second option? If he died here, would that be better? Without his talisman, his inventions, his knowledge... all of which were a double edged sword.

Resentful energy continued to pour into him, not caring about what choices he made, and no longer giving him time to think. Wei Wuxian had forgotten how bad the pain was, and couldn't help but scream in utter agony, as he was stabbed, had resentment shoved down his throat, and had his memories replay every bad moment in his life, stirring up his rage and sorrows. For a brief moment, he remembered the images of the past, and what would be this version's future. Tears streamed down his face, as he went limp, just allowing what happened to happen. If he lived, fine. If he died, fine.

*****

"..."

*...where are you?*

"...huh..?" Wei Wuxian's soul was in some kind of white space, and he could hear soft music playing. His mind was fuzzy, so he couldn't quite recognise the tune. There was no voice, yet he swore he heard a question. He focused a little more, taking advantage of the fact that be wasn't in as much pain.

*...Wei Ying..? Where are you..?*

Wei Wuxian's mind kicked into high gear- that was Inquiry!! Lan Wangji was trying to find him!! He grinned from ear to ear. Knowing what he did now, he understood that Lan Wangji never hated him, never wanted him to come to harm, that right from the beginning, all Lan Wangji wanted was to have Wei Wuxian as his partner. To marry him, bed him, have a future with him. To make sure that every day meant every day.

This was good, but also terrible. Wei Wuxian wasn't able to go down a normal cultivation path now, and with this new power, he would always scare Lan Wangji, who would always worry about his health and sanity. What the fuck could he do? He couldn't risk Lan Wangji coming after him, what if he got hurt or worse?! But he also couldn't just ignore him...

*Wei Ying... please... are you still alive..? Please... any sign... give me a sign...*

He wanted to call out, but didn't know what to say. All words died in his throat. Closing his eyes and calming down, Wei Wuxian did as he was asked and gave a sign that he was alive: he knew that Lan Wangji would be able to hear the response, and only Lan Wangji would understand as he started to sing that same beautiful song that Lan Wangji wrote for him and performed in that disgusting cave. Wei Wuxian knew that hearing wangxian would be enough to tell Lan Wangji that he was still alive. But because he didn't answer any questions directly, he knew Lan Wangji wouldn't ask. However, he still responded...

*I hear you... Wherever you are, please be safe... I want to see you again... I swear to try to look after Clan Leader Jiang and Lady Jiang in the meantime...*

Wei Wuxian's breath hitched as tears streamed down his face. Lan Wangji clearly didn't go through what he just did. Obviously he couldn't change that, but he wanted to have his husband as soon as possible. So he decided to stop resisting, and allowed the beginning of this darkened path to stay the same. The next time he saw Lan Wangji, he'd be the Wei Wuxian everyone would fear, though if he could change that, he decided that he absolutely would.

He woke up once more, and stood up. He knew what to do, his glowing crimson eyes filled with a new sense of purpose.

****

In the previous life, he'd hunted down Wen Chao and broke him little by little. He wanted the prick to suffer, but maybe he would look less evil by not reducing him to a burnt and broken skeleton this time. Besides, he was Jiang Cheng's to kill. Some things, he kept the same. He slowly attacked Wen bases and slaughtered their soldiers, but this time, he was far more careful. When he sensed some of the people wanting to escape, or switch sides, he'd test them:

It was a very simple test. He would leave for them plain grey robes baring no official Clan colours. An easy to understand message of 'If you want to abandon the Wens, discard their colours and insignia, and run while you can'. Most people did exactly that, and the test was far more effective than Wei Wuxian could ever dream; he wanted to protect the same people he once had, and they had turned out to be more than willing to turn their backs on their own Clan.

The one person he was most surprised about was Wen Qing, who had encouraged Wen Ning to do the same. The Supervisory Office in Yiling had quickly grown into a safe haven for any Wens who decided that their morals and lives weren't worth participating in this war. Wen Ruohan had been furious and sent Wen Chao to deal with it personally, but unfortunately, the coward couldn't get close- something about the traitor's camp being surrounded by feral zombies who refused to let them pass? In the end, they were left alone.

News spread, and at first, none of the main participants of the Sunshot Campaign knew what to make of this development. The Jin Clan thought it was better to annihilate the Yiling Camp, in case the Wens changed their minds and decided to attack. The Nie Clan also thought it best to kill them, since all of them were dogs needing to be put down, in their eyes. However, the Lan Clan disagreed, as these people had proven that they wanted to live and weren't willing to fight or kill people they considered innocent in all of this, just wanting peace- Lan Xichen also argued that most of the people were elderly, crippled, children or doctors who refused to bloody their hands unless healing.

It was that comment that made Jiang Cheng confess that Wen Qing and Wen Ning had saved the lives of himself and Wei Wuxian, so refused to have them killed. He came up with a solution, then: "Why don't we take in those Wens who have proven to be better than the ones we fight? They've discarded the name of Wen, really- so how about they bare our own names?"

The Hall was in uproar, everyone shouting their disagreements. But ultimately, a choice was made. Once the Sunshot Campaign was completed, and those Wens had been monitored for long enough to prove that they wouldn't turn and attack, restarting the war, then they would be integrated into the four main Clans instead. Nie Mingjue wasn't happy at first, but he also knew that in actuality, his anger came from Wen Ruohan's actions. Plus, he couldn't blame those Wens for their inaction, they'd already been threatened and some killed before they could escape. Unwilling to kill, but willing to die to escape.

After listening in, Wei Wuxian was ecstatic! He had no idea that his plan would work, and yet it did. He prayed to the Gods that the Jiang Clan would take in Wen Ning and his sister, and that the Lan Clan would take in Wen Yuan and his dear granny. He just wanted his friend and his little radish to be safe.

Things seemed to proceed similarly to how it did before, but now the Wens that abandoned the main Clan were now helping in different ways. Some were soldiers and blacksmiths who swore their loyalty to the Nie Clan, and managed to help with their fighting and weaponry. Wen Ning was recognised for being a talented archer, and in exchange for not having to fight in the war, he helped Jiang Cheng train the new members of the Jiang Clan in archery. Wen Qing was a talented doctor, so unfortunately she was very overworked, but she admitted that it was far better than standing aside.

Wei Wuxian stayed in the shadows, using his tricks and dark arts to kill off any loyal Wen Clan soldiers he could. Originally, he'd scared Wen Chao and his bitch so much that she killed herself, while he was a broken, unrecognisable husk. Now that Wei Wuxian had prioritised other's safety first, he didn't have time to torture them... scaring them, however?

It was almost embarrassing how confident Wen Chao was that he could prevent anything from happening to Wang Lingjiao, setting up spirit warding talisman all over their safe house. But the fool didn't notice that Wei Wuxian had added four extra strokes to each one with his own blood. The spirit lure talismans were what ultimately lead to her death, though Wei Wuxian being in the area and playing his flute didn't help matters. He couldn't deny himself a smile when her screaming finally silenced.

But then, he felt guilt. Not for killing her, she got what she deserved for trying to hurt Luo Qingyang and branding him. Killing for pleasure, that was what made him a monster. He never did, or so he thought, but this single moment proved him wrong. Wei Wuxian sighed, then frowned and looked up in the sky- a firework baring the Wen insignia...

"Wait. That's where Jiang Cheng-! Hold on, I'm coming!"

****

"Where is Wei Ying?!" Lan Wangji had never shouted with such anger before in his life. He knew that when he used Inquiry a while ago, Wei Wuxian was still alive. Only he knew the song he wrote for him, after all. But it had been so long, over three months at this point, and he had been too busy with rebuilding the Cloud Recesses, fighting in the war, while also helping that sweet old lady with that adorable toddler who called him 'daddy'. He knew he was making up excuses at this point, he should have tried harder.

But his thoughts shut off and his heart shattered to pieces when Wen Chao scoffed, "I threw him into the Burial Mounds months ago. I doubt even his bones will be left now. So you can stop looking for him, and join him in Hell!"

Jiang Cheng sank where he was forced to kneel, shaking. Wei Wuxian was gone? He'd been gone this entire time? What would his sister say? Even Wen Ning was excited about possibly seeing him again. They couldn't even lay him to rest.

Lan Wangji had a very different reaction. His fingers were bleeding, his spiritual energy was all but depleted, but the thought of Wei Wuxian being all alone and suffering filled him with unbridled rage. Was this why Wei Wuxian didn't tell Lan Wangji where he was? If he was trapped in the Burial Mounds and already weakened from being attacked by Wen Chao and Wen Zhuliu, then maybe he was dying and didn't want Lan Wangji to come and find him. Wanted him to remember him as he was. Lan Wangji screamed his pain and grief, lashing out one last attack that obliterated the strings of his zither, but to no avail.

In the end, both Jiang Cheng and Lan Wangji were forced to kneel, swords at their necks, with none of the soldiers daring to attack in fear of the two strongest men losing their lives. Neither of them had much will to fight after that, anyway.

Just as Wen Chao was about to give the execution order, a strange sound caught everyone's attention. Crows had begun flying overhead, their sharp caws loud enough for everyone to hear. It was strange, but whatever. However, that was just the beginning. The flames that burned throughout had changed from their bright yellow hues to a sickly green, the lighting significantly dimming. The Wen soldiers shuffled on their feet before looking up at the main watch tower at the sound of a piercing flute.

Lan Wangji and Jiang Cheng watched the newcomer standing confidently on the tower, playing a strong melody. They couldn't make out his face, but the glowing red eyes were impossible to miss, along with the long, free flowing hair. Wen Chao quickly called back his guards, just as the bodies of the fallen slowly rose to their feet as feral zombies, attacking the Wen Clan and giving the Jiang Clan time to regain their senses and join the fight.

Jiang Cheng grinned, but Lan Wangji looked uneasy. Jiang Cheng looked at him and scoffed, "Whatever you're afraid of, put it aside for now. His methods are unorthodox, but he's very obviously on our side. So let's not waste his efforts!" That was when Lan Wangji finally nodded and unsheathed Bichen, while Jiang Cheng brandished Zidian.

When the Wen army was severely crippled and downsized, the figure on the tower floated down using what looked like a cloud of resentful energy. Wen Chao immediately ordered Wen Zhuliu to attack, but the figure was a lot faster. Nobody could see what happened; from their perspective, the figure simply ran past Wen Zhuliu, and the barer of the Core Melting Hand was suddenly on his knees, coughing up blood.

Wen Chao stared in horror as the figure then held up what he had taken: Wen Zhuliu's Golden Core. The figure looked at it, as if contemplating something, before putting it in his sleeve, as if he was saving it for something. The mist around the figure faded, revealing a wicked grin that made Wen Chao choke on his own gasp, "W... Wei Ying?! You're supposed to be dead!! G-ghost!!"

"It's been some time, Wen Chao. Didn't I tell you I'd come back?" Wei Wuxian smirked, but then decided he had better things to do. He whistled, then turned his back to Wen Chao, "I need to talk to the people I care about. I trust the lady you left to die can keep you entertained?" Wen Chao went pale as the feral zombie who looked exactly like Wang Lingjiao slowly approached him. Wei Wuxian then snapped his fingers, and some of the soldiers that Wen Chao lead to their deaths attacked Wen Zhuliu, to stop him from rescuing his master.

Jiang Cheng smiled brightly at seeing Wei Wuxian, and when he watched Wei Wuxian smile and open his arms, he ran in for a hug, "You bastard, you scared the shit out of me!" He felt Wei Wuxian hold him, and felt the slightest of trembles. Jiang Cheng teared up and completely lost his composure, "...I thought you were dead, *big brother*."

Wei Wuxian tensed- how long had it been since he was called that? It made him tear up and hug him tighter, "I'm sorry, *little brother*. I wanted to come and find you and Shijie as soon as I got out, but... I was scared. I'm not the same as before."

"You really think that matters? It's still you. And I'm so damn happy to see you." They held each other a little longer, calming down a little before eventually pulling away to see each other smile again.

"...Wei Ying."

"Huh?" Wei Wuxian turned to see Lan Wangji's stoney expression, and tilted his head, "Lan Zhan?"

"Was it you who killed the Wens along the way?" A nod in response. "Did you also create those talisman?" Another nod. "Wei Ying... this path you're on, it destroys the mind and body. That's saying nothing of what it does to your temperament. There's never been any exceptions. It's a heretic path for a reason."

"...Lan Zhan, I didn't have a choice." Lan Wangji froze at those words, and noticed just how exhausted Wei Wuxian truly was, "Believe me, I don't actually *want* to be on this path. But at the time, my options were become like this, or die." Wei Wuxian took a calming breath and faced him properly, "I know what I'm risking. And I'll do whatever I can to go back to normal, if I can. As for my temperament, I've been trying to keep it under control by not allowing revenge to blind me. Lan Zhan, *I* was the one saving the Wens who just wanted out of this shitty situation. I'm not going around slaughtering mindlessly." He looked ashamed and pointed to Wang Lingjiao, "She was an exception to that, I admit that, and I'm not proud of it. I understand if you don't want to believe me. But I promise that I never asked for this, and I don't want this."

As if to prove that he was truly in control, Wei Wuxian ordered the feral zombies to step down, and freed what was left of their souls. Aside from using resentful energy, how he brought the spirits to rest was exactly how he was taught in the Cloud Recesses. Lan Wangji stared at him, his eyes full of despair, "...return to Guzu with me." Wei Wuxian looked at him; last time, he didn't hear him out, and it lead to a horrible argument. This time, he indicated for Lan Wangji to elaborate, which he did: "If you're truly trapped on this path and we can't help you, then we'll find a way for you to have some semblance of normality. I swear, I will never let anyone harm you, nor will I let you be forced into seclusion. I just... believe me when I tell you that I just want you to be safe. Let me help you, Wei Ying!"

Wei Wuxian watched as Lan Wangji was fighting back his tears, and simply turned to Jiang Cheng, "Clan Leader Jiang. I ask that once I've played my part in the Sunshot Campaign as a Demonic Cultivator, once this war is over, I request to go to the Cloud Recesses with Lan Wangji. If I'm wrong, and I can go back to a normal cultivation path, I'd very much like to. I believe that the Guzu Lan Clan can help me with that, just as I believe Lan Wangji's words are sincere."

Lan Wangji stared at Wei Wuxian in disbelief, but could slowly feel his heart repairing itself. He was being given a chance to help, and Wei Wuxian trusted him. While he was impatient, he wanted to take Wei Wuxian back now, and maybe try to hide him away if he could be talked into it, he also didn't want Wei Wuxian to feel trapped or obligated to stay. Plus, he could no longer deny the effectiveness of the dark arts, and couldn't doubt that Wei Wuxian was in full control.

Jiang Cheng hesitated before nodding, "Very well. But I'm adding to this compromise: on every Night Hunt, you join me and represent the Jiang Clan as my right hand. Besides, I don't think sis would be happy with you if you didn't come home from time to time." With Wei Wuxian's new power, the Lotus Pier would be theirs again, so there was no issues in stating that it was their home once more.

"I agree with the compromise," Lan Wangji stated, "especially when you're still part of the Jiang Clan. I just want to..." he trailed off, unable to confess what he was thinking, but it didn't matter.

"Then it's settled. I'll come back with you, Lan Zhan." Wei Wuxian gave him a warm smile, looking like the man he'd grown to love. It made Lan Wangji's ears tint red. Wei Wuxian looked over to see that Wen Zhuliu had stopped moving, but Wen Chao was surprisingly still writhing in pain, bits and pieces bitten off of him. He turned to Jiang Cheng, "He's all yours."

Jiang Cheng unsheathed Sandu, but then looked towards Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji. Wei Wuxian shook his head, he already got his revenge. But Lan Wangji held Bichen once more. Wen Xu had lead the attack that killed his father, and since Nie Mingjue had already decapitated him, Lan Wangji and Lan Xichen couldn't get revenge. At first, he didn't mind, revenge was a disgusting thing, but now he had the opportunity, he couldn't deny wanting to just make sure Wen Chao couldn't come back. He still hesitated, so Wei Wuxian chuckled and held up his flute. He'd had his fun, but if this helped Lan Wangji, so be it.

In the end, all three of them took the life of Wen Ruohan's youngest son that night.

[superblysubpar]

We'll Call It Love masterlist | It Had To Be You masterlist

the song: Iris by The Goo Goo Dolls // It Had To Be You playlist

warnings: this story is a part of the series We’ll Call It Love, and much of it would be spoiled if you read this first. It’s linked above, and I hope you love it! | series warnings pertain

2.7k words

A/N: A little nod to @palmtreesx3 series "Get Off" in the form of a little Smash or Pass 💛 Thanks for always being my cheerleader lady, I owe you my heart and life because of it, I'm afraid 🤷🏻‍♀️

He regrets how hard the door slams behind him almost immediately. 

His vision blurs, his fingers swipe down the sides of his nose, pressing harder than he ever has but it’s no use. 

Steve Harrington doesn’t cry. 

Except he is. 

It’s this awful choked sound that leaves his lips, it’s pathetic and angry and hurt all rolled into one horrible sob as tears rapidly fall down his cheeks. 

He tries, he really does, to get it to stop. He presses his palms into his eyes as he walks, and decides that’s a really fucking bad idea in Chicago. And so he just ducks his head and he clears his throat and he walks. 

But it just gets worse and worse.

Not the crying, but the feeling in his chest. Every time he blinks he sees your hurt face. He sees the shattered glass dish. He sees Robin’s blue eyes breaking just like the shards all over the floor. He sees Eddie put his hand on your back. He sees Nancy glaring at him. He sees every bad decision he’s made for the last few months and his stomach rolls with each reminder of his mistakes. 

He fucked up bad this time. There is no bonk to the head that can fix this. It doesn’t feel like any way he apologized would ever make it okay. 

All he wants to do is talk to any of the people who hate his guts right now, and more tears slip over his lash line when he realizes he may never get to talk to the most important person of the bunch ever again. 

The longer he walks, the clearer his head becomes. He can fix it. He can. One step at a time. 

But despite the cold air against his damp cheeks bringing clarity, it also quickly makes him realize he doesn’t have his coat, his keys, or his fucking car. He slows down as he rounds the corner, debating turning back, wondering where the hell he even ended up on this sad walk. 

He’s on Robin’s street. Because of course he is. 

Steve swipes at his nose, keeping more tears at bay successfully this time, and he sits on her stoop, waiting. 

Maybe it’s selfish, to seek Robin’s comfort when he lied to her, but if there’s anyone he can talk to about how much of an idiot he is, it’s her. 

So he waits. 

He sits there for what feels like an hour, and maybe it is, with his elbows on his knees and his hands running through his hair he’s refusing to cut because at least he can keep his hair long in some sort of pathetic excuse of a stand against selling his soul to his father. 

“Ryan Gosling?” 

The question startles Steve, his head whips up at the voice. 

“Oh, smash, definitely.” A girl giggles in a group walking past. 

“Yeah but which Ryan Gosling?”

Two girls chime in with “The Notebook” at the same time laughing and Steve loses it. 

There’s no way to ward off the tears this time, and he drags his fingers over his lips so his sob is muffled and his temple falls against the railing. 

Maybe it’s because he’s been so stubborn his whole life, but it sort of feels like every tear that’s ever wanted to be shed by his body is falling now. His entire vision is blurred and his arms encircle his stomach because it fucking hurts to feel this sad and broken. 

How could he do this to you? How could he lie to Robin? How could he just do exactly what you said and not stand up for himself? How could he not choose the life he wanted? Why didn’t he fucking fight harder for you? For what he wanted? 

He was pathetic. He was lazy. He was scared. 

“Holy shit, you actually love her, don’t you?” 

The sound of Robin’s voice and her question makes a loud sob leave Steve, the most horrible sound he thinks he’s ever heard save for Robin crying. It just keeps coming and he covers his face with his hands, sure he looks disgusting and miserable and as pathetic as he feels. Snot and tears and red cheeks like a fucking kid. 

There’s pressure against the side of his thigh, and then warm arms around his shoulders and it isn’t fair to her, but he turns into her body and wraps his own arms around her waist. 

Steve cries into his best friend's shoulder so hard, he feels a little dizzy from the pain that’s demanding to be felt and he stutters out a pathetic apology.

“Ro-Robin, I’m so, I’m so-”

“Dingus, shut up.”

Which only makes him cry harder and squeeze his arms tighter for her to squeeze him back. 

Then it starts to rain. 

And not like a few sprinkles, but just pouring, out of nowhere, like the earth is as sad as Steve feels. 

“Shit, come on,” Robin yelps, pulling at his shoulders and dragging him to her front door. 

Steve swipes at his eyes and finally gets a less blurry look at her, wearing his jacket, his car keys dangling from her finger, and his pan of mac and cheese in her arms. 

The guilt smacks him so hard, he actually takes a step back. 

“Rob-”

“Don’t. Come on, inside,” she sighs around the command, nodding her head to the now open door. 

Her blue eyes are glassy, or maybe it’s just the rain soaking both of them, but her chin does this sort of horrible quiver that he knows means she’s going to start crying too, and apparently that’s all he does now, because there’s a fresh wave falling from his eyes. 

“Robin,” he chokes on her name, like he doesn’t remember how to talk, “I am so sorry. I-”

“Steve, please,” she starts crying, clutching the pan with both hands now, “I don’t care about an apology right now okay? I care about getting you inside and wiping that snot off your face cause you look real fucking sad and you don’t cry okay? And I don’t know what to do and I’m really sorry because maybe it’s my fault you know? Maybe I made you lie to me because I’m shitty and told you not to date her, but obviously you really fucking care about her I mean on some sort of astronomical level because-”

“Robin,” Steve laughs around his crying, stepping towards her and hugging her, “Will you shut up for once in your life and let me apologize?”

She shifts so she can wrap an arm around him again, her face pressed to his chest before she starts laughing around her own crying too. 

“What’s this shutting up you speak of? Is there a switch? How does one simply not spew out every thought that passes through their brain to fill the silence?”

His cheek presses to the top of her head, voice muffled in her hair, “I love you.”

Robin’s arm squeezes around his waist, “I love you too, Dingus.”

Now, she sits across from him. Having changed almost immediately upon entering her apartment. She cranked the heat and pushed him down onto the couch and just said, “Explain.”

Which is how he finds himself on her couch, with a cup of hot cocoa spilling over the rim and marshmallows overflowing the mug as he finishes, “I don’t know what to do.”

Robin’s fingers fiddle with her rings as they wrap around her own mug. She stares at the drink for a long time, before she finally lifts her gaze to his.

Blue eyes that pierce directly into his soul as she shrugs and says, “I think you know exactly what to do, Steve.”

The intercom buzzes loudly and Robin moans, “Oh thank god, food.”

Except when she stands, the speaker crackles and your voice comes out of it. “Robin?”

Steve freezes, the mug of cocoa suspended to his lips as Robin stares at him with wide, blinking eyes. 

It buzzes again and your quiet voice fills the room, “Please Robin? I know you’re home…I just…”

“I’ll…I’ll tell her to go?” Robin looks worried, her fingers pulling on each other and Steve shakes his head. 

“No, I…I’ll climb down the fire escape. Won’t be the first time.” He makes his way to her window. 

“Excuse me, what?” Robin crosses her arms, frowning. 

The buzzer rings three times, long and annoying and Steve’s lips twitch despite the thing inside his chest feeling like it’s going to somehow shrivel up and dry out and explode at the same time. 

“You should really talk to her, it…it says a lot she came here to talk to you.” Steve taps at the window frame, looking at the door like he can somehow see you downstairs through it. 

The intercom vibrates again, and your voice sounds pained as you shout through it, “Buckley I’ll keep buzzing, your egg rolls are getting cold!”

As if on cue, Robin’s stomach grumbles and she crosses her arms, frowning. “I’m not even hungry. Dingus, I can tell her to leave, I want…I need you in my life-”

It buzzes again, your choked words making both of them stare at the speaker with sad eyes. “Okay, Robin, I, listen. I am so sorry. And if you want to hate me and never see me again, that’s totally fine, I understand. Because honestly, I am…I am scum for lying to you. I am pond scum. I’m lower than pond scum. I am the fungus that feeds on the pond scum.”

Robin’s breath inhales sharply and Steve smiles. He squeezes her hand and whispers, “I’m not going anywhere, Buckley. Go hug it out with each other. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

She squeezes his hand back, and heads towards the door as he disappears out the window. 

Robin was right, he knows exactly what he needs to do. 

“I don’t believe you,” tone matter of fact as you shrug off your coat in his hallway.

Steve laughs as he shuts the garage door, shaking his head. “I told you, she’s too wrapped around Robin. I could never.”

Your feet pad down the hallway, past the laundry room and half bath as you spin and walk backwards pointing at him, “Nah. No way. You’re so smashing Julia Roberts.”

The conversation started after your anniversary date to the movie theater. His yellow sweater sits wrapped around your shoulders, warm and comforting, and a slight cherry red slushie stain on the hem now. Steve’s green sweatshirt is absolutely not green anymore, the majority of said slushie landing on him when he tried to do a “move” at the theater. 

Steve catches up with you, a box of milk duds in his hand as he grabs for your waist with the other. “Baby, I promise you, I’m passing.”

You narrow your eyes, lips twitching, as you prod, “Steven. Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman? You’re passing?”

Steve squeezes his eyes shut, but his mouth fights a smile as he shakes his head. “Robin has been Vivian so many times for Halloween, there is no way I’m smashing Pretty Woman Julia Roberts.”

“Mm. Sure.” You nod, face full of faux believing features as you press your lips to his pout. 

When you spin and head into the kitchen, flipping the lights on as you do, Steve catches your waist and lifts, causing you to yelp out a laugh. 

“Put me down!”

“Not until you believe me!”

“You’re an idiot,” you laugh as your head tilts at the giant box on the counter, “Wait, what’s that?”

Steve slowly puts you down, his arm remaining around your waist. “That,” he whispers, “Is a very late present. Or early Christmas. Or right on time anniversary. ”

“For me?” You turn and bat your eyelashes at him, grinning. 

Steve looks very serious, the playful moment gone as he grabs for your chin gently, tilting your head for a slower, and longer kiss. It feels important, something swooping in your stomach, collecting the butterflies flying around there and surrounding your heart. 

“For you,” he whispers when he breaks away from the breath stealing kiss. 

Your eyelashes flutter as you come back to earth, his fingers cradle your jaw as you clear your throat. 

When you turn back towards the package, your heart drops into your stomach though. The brown shipping material is covered in European stamps, packaging labels showing it went a lot of different places before ending up here. And it’s a fairly large box. 

“How…how much did this cost?” 

Steve’s going to a drawer for a box cutter, opening two different ones before finding the right junk drawer, still getting used to his new stuff and space. 

He shrugs, eyes focused on cutting the tape. “Babe, don’t-”

“Steve, you can’t do this.” Your head shakes back and forth as you press your fingers to your temple. 

“I can’t what? Give my girlfriend gifts?” He sounds irritated, hurt. 

“You can’t keep giving me expensive gifts. Paying for everything. You paid for Inigo’s vet bill last month, you can’t-”

“You like the gifts, I have the means to pay and if it’s a date, of course I’m paying. And absolutely I paid for his vet bill, it was insane. And you were going to take out another credit card to pay for it like a crazy person.”

The words make something ignite under the surface of your skin, cheeks growing hot as he sets the box cutter on the counter and glares at you. 

“That’s not crazy! People do what they have to do! I would have paid it off, it’s not like I’m in a crazy amount of debt Steve. In case you’re forgetting, I’ve made it on my own for quite a long time.”

Your hand presses to your chest as you stare each other down. 

Steve’s jaw tenses and he shakes his head. “I know that. I’m not discrediting that. But it’s crazy to still do that when I can help.”

Your hands fly in the air, frustrated, “Okay, fine! Thank you for the vet bill, nevermind, but this,” you gesture to the box, “Has to stop.”

Steve laughs, dragging his palms down his face. “I’m not gonna stop getting you gifts.”

“How am I supposed to compete with the fancy shit Steve? How am I supposed to feel when you get me expensive things for holidays and I get you dumb trinkets or hand made shit like coupons?”

Steve takes a step toward you, “I like the coupons and trinkets that aren’t dumb. If you just-”

“I’m not opening that.” Your hands are in front of your chest in surrender, eyebrows raised as you walk backwards. “I do not want it. Return it, whatever it is.”

“Honey,” Steve’s eyes turn somber, hand running through his hair, pleading, “You have to open this, please.”

“Baby,” you glare at him, “I’m not going to.”

His fingers tug in his hair, an aggravated huff surrounding his words that get increasingly louder, “I swear, I won’t get you another present for…for a year. Six months. But you have to open this.”

“No.”

“Open it.”

“Nope.”

“Babe-”

“Steve-”

“Oh my god, fine!” 

He shouts the last line, flaps of the box flung open as he reaches inside through white packing peanuts that spill out onto the counter as you roll your eyes.

Until he’s holding the sapphire blue pie dish in front of you with glassy eyes and pink cheeks and red ears. 

“I know, okay, I…I can’t ever apologize for breaking your mom’s enough. And I know this can’t ever replace it, or be the same, but I just thought…I kept searching for it, because I just thought if I could fix it…” he trails off when you step in front of him. 

Your heartbeat thuds in your ears as you stare down at the dish, your fingers trail over the cool glass. A shiver runs down your spine because you’re fairly certain, somewhere, somehow, your mom and dad are here. Your mom is shouting at the TV screen of your life, telling you to kiss him, to tell him. Your dad is rolling his eyes, but they’re a little misty. 

Steve’s nose taps yours as he tilts his head, eyes looking into yours as he hesitates, waiting until he sees what he needs to. 

His lips press to yours softly then, the dish held in both of your pair of hands between you. 

Something inside of you crumbles, it breaks off into a billion pieces, each one belonging to him. 

You are undeniably, irrevocably, in love with Steve Harrington. 

And that’s fucking terrifying. 

[smellingofpoetry]

Just Thought You Should Know

Characters: Reader, Dean Winchester, Lisa Braeden

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader

Summary: It was just one of those drunk calls until it wasn't anymore.

Warnings: angst, drunkness, song fic

Word count: 616

A/N: Hi!! I hope you enjoyed the idea of choosing the next fic. It was quite fun for me, even though I have to admit you managed to surprise me. I thought you would have chosen differently, but I'm happy to finally share with you this story. I always write with music, and this time I was listening to Betty Who's song, "Just Thought You Should Know". I love this song, and I'm proud of the result of this story. I hope you'll love it as much as I do. All errors are mine, like always. Enjoy! ❤

Dean watched the clock on his nightstand – 3 AM.

He grabbed his phone, dangerously buzzing towards the end of his nightstand.

Y/N – he read the name flashing on the screen and got up quickly before waking Lisa up. Dean walked out of the room, through the corridor, and down the stairs towards the kitchen, and only when he was in the secure of the four white walls he dared to answer.

“Hello?”

He could hear her breathing on the other side of the phone, so he waited a few seconds for an answer before trying again.

“Y/N, you there?”

“Y-yeah, just –” she paused “– give me a minute,” she said, and Dean could hear her trying to open the door and, a few moments later, the keys falling out of her hands, hitting the floor. “Shit!”

“You good?” he asked, hearing her take a long sigh, followed by the noise of something slipping. She probably had just given up and followed the keys on the floor if he knew her right.

“Maybe I’m too drunk, and I’m not doing this the right way –” Y/N admitted.

“Do you need me to call you someone?” He tried. “Charlie, maybe?”

“No, wait, let me finish.” She slurred a bit, waiting for the corridor of the condo to stop spinning. “I just wanted to tell you I’m so happy that you’re happy with her,” Y/N said seriously before a giggle escaped her lips. “Wait, no, that’s a lie.”

“I think you’re too drunk to have this conversation.”

“I have to tell you someday.”

“Tell me what?”

“The way I’m feeling.”

“Y/N –” Dean warned her, but she ignored him and started talking, too afraid to lose the courage that was flooding her veins.

“I can still feel you, you know. You’re everywhere.” She whispered, not knowing if she was admitting those things to him or finally acknowledging the ugly truth. “I can taste your lips –” she said and mindlessly graced her mouth “– hear your voice in my head, and I know –” her voice wavered. “I know that I should shut my mouth and just hung up the phone –” she furiously brushed away the tears that fell on her cheeks “– but I still want you.”

Dean closed his eyes and tightened his jaw at her words, her muffled cries on the other side not helping his heart.

What was he supposed to answer to that? After everything they went through? Especially after everything they went through.

Y/N wasn’t stupid, and even in her drunken state, she knew him enough not to expect much from Dean, especially when put on the spot like she had just done, but she couldn’t keep it to herself anymore. Not when looking at them together was hurting her that much.

“I just thought you should know.” She whispered, even though she knew he didn’t owe her anything, not anymore.

Dean sighed at her words and, for a split second while standing in the kitchen at 3 AM with her wavering voice in his ear and his heart biting a mile a minute, he had almost caved. He had almost let the words he had pushed away in the deep of his soul slip from his grith until he heard it. Small and dragged steps getting closer and closer, so he did the only reasonable thing to do.

He closed the call.

“Babe, everything okay?” Lisa came into the kitchen with her eyes still puffy from the sleep. Dean forced a smile on his face before walking towards her and kissing her forehead.

“Yeah, I just needed a glass of water.” He answered her, swallowing down the regret.

[starsreminisce]

LucienWeek2024 Day Six Reputation

@lucienweekofficial

SJM has been quoted saying that music is where she normally gets a lot of her ideas. In her Live Talks last year, she specifically mentioned how her son is a big fan of Taylor Swift, which I feel her music will greatly inspire the next book. As a huge Swiftie myself, the prompt immediately made me think of the album and how every song relates to Lucien or Elucien in one way or another.

The Reputation album was Taylor Swift's first album in three years following the release of 1989. The three-year gap reminds me of how long Elain and Lucien have spent ignoring their bond to focus on themselves, as they are currently approaching the two-year mark since their bond snapped.

I have said in a previous ask that I want Elain and Lucien's book to play out like the Reputation album, so below the cut are lyrics that remind me of Lucien and the reasons why I would associate with them in their book.

TLDR: The reason I want Elucien's book to play out like the Reputation album is that it offers a great mix of new love, with Taylor singing about Joe Alwyn, but it also has songs where she acknowledges the hurt and anger she felt for retreating from the spotlight.

This reminds me of Lucien's feelings about his current circumstances with Tamlin and the Autumn Court.

Personally, I would like to see Elain and Lucien to go against the IC's wishes because Elain feels that it's how it should play out, and Lucien inexplicably trusts her judgment and capabilities.

If you're not familiar with Reputation, here is the preview of the album:

Divider Credit: @saradika-graphics

Song Title:

... Ready For It?

Lyrics:

I know I'm gonna be with you, so I take my time Are you ready for it?

Reason:

Lucien has been giving Elain the space to decide what to do about the bond ever since it snapped. The only time he intervened was at the beginning, when even Nesta was concerned about her well-being. The bond has been present since before the snap, and it continues to linger even after being rejected. To kickstart the story, SJM is essentially saying that the bond is forever—it doesn’t matter when it happens, just be ready when it does.

Song Title:

End Game

Lyrics:

Reputation precedes me, they told you I'm crazy I swear I don't love the drama, it loves me And I can't let you go, your handprints on my soul It's like your eyes are liquor, it's like your body is gold

Reason:

The fact that it quickly spread how Lucien left the Spring Court for his mate suggests that a lot of people are keeping tabs on him. The bond connects him to Elain, and I find it interesting that Lucien’s russet color mirrors the same shade as whiskey—a drink Elain shoots back—and how his skin is often described as golden brown.

Song Title:

I Did Something Bad

Lyrics:

If a man talks shit, then I owe him nothin' I don't regret it one bit 'cause he had it comin' They say I did somethin' bad Then why's it feel so good?

Reason:

This is likely going to refer to Lucien dealing with Beron, given how many times Beron had talked shit to Lucien. I still believe that the blood duel will happen between Lucien and Beron, and people are going to talk about how Lucien challenged or went after a High Lord, but he doesn't feel bad for doing so.

Song Title:

Don't Blame Me

Lyrics:

Echoes (Echoes) of your name inside my mind Halo hidin' my obsession I once was poison ivy, but now, I'm your daisy

Reason:

One of the most significant Elucien moments was when Lucien offered his name after Elain asked, sparking something within her. Even after Lucien left, Elain still thought of him during key moments, especially with Graysen. SJM mentioned that Elain has nightmares about ivy, and I find it fitting that before accepting the bond, she is represented by ivy. After accepting it, she would become a daisy, a flower symbolizing new beginnings, which blooms from the start of spring through autumn.

Song Title:

Delicate

Lyrics:

Sometimes, I wonder, when you sleep Are you ever dreaming of me? Sometimes, when I look into your eyes I pretend you're mine all the damn time ('Cause I like you) Is it cool that I said all that? Is it chill that you're in my head? 'Cause I know that it's delicate (Delicate)

Reason:

When Elain and Lucien finally spend some time together, they’ll likely go through a phase where they both question whether their feelings are real—for themselves and for each other. As of ACOSF, Lucien still looks at Elain with longing, though he tries to hide it from her. I believe their avoidance of each other is largely due to the bond, and there will come a point in their story where they both confront and question it.

Song Title:

Look What You Made Me Do

Lyrics:

But I got smarter, I got harder in the nick of time Honey, I rose up from the dead, I do it all the time I've got a list of names and yours is in red, underlined

Reason:

Zutara is one of SJM's ships and considering how Lucien left the Autumn Court after what Beron did to Jesminda, I think Beron has the audacity to go after Elain, which Lucien will avenge himself in order to protect his mate. Where Lucien failed with Jesminda, he would correct to show just how a mate protects, especially considering Rhys’s switch to how Lucien will specifically defend his bond to how he sees fit.

Song Title:

So It Goes...

Lyrics:

And all the pieces fall right into place Gettin' caught up in a moment, lipstick on your face So it goes I'm yours to keep and I'm yours to lose You know I'm not a bad girl, but I do bad things with you

Reason:

ACOSAF hints that it's timing keeping Elain and Lucien apart, as both of them still need to figure out who they are and who they want to be before they can truly come together. Their book is meant to signal that it's finally time. I can totally picture a bond-crazed sex scene where they finally give in—Calanmai would be the perfect setting for that!

Song Title:

Gorgeous

Lyrics:

And I'm so furious At you for makin' me feel this way But what can I say? You're gorgeous You should take it as a compliment That I'm talkin' to everyone here but you

Reason:

Considering how Elain behaves around Lucien, I can definitely see why she feels that way. It’s interesting to think about how both of them may view their interactions with their respective endgames as pale in comparison to what they feel for each other. This realization could lead to frustration, making them angry for having been wrong until the other showed up. The last line captures it perfectly: they’re deliberately ignoring each other, convincing themselves they’re above the animalistic instincts that come with being fae.

Song Title:

Getaway Car

Lyrics:

While he was runnin’ after us, I was screamin', "Go, go, go" But with three of us, honey, it's a sideshow

Reason:

There has always been a third person between Elain and Lucien, whether it's an ex, an opp, or a family member. Personally, these lyrics will be about either the Night Court and Elucien or Koschei and Elucien, where they essentially do something they shouldn't, but it's to be expected before they retreat from the chaos they left behind.

Song Title:

King Of My Heart

Lyrics:

You are the one I have been waitin' (Waitin'), waitin' (Waitin') Body and soul, woah And all at once Is this the end of all the endings? My broken bones are mending With all these nights we're spending

Reason:

There is usually a big, sweeping love confession, and I really can't wait for Lucien to realize that everything he endured was worth it for her. Whether they are trying to rebuild the Spring Court, navigate the Autumn Court, discover the Day Court, or outmaneuver others on the continent, I think the forced proximity SJM has planned for them will lead to the realization that they have been searching for each other all along.

Song Title:

Dancing With Our Hands Tied

Lyrics:

First sight, yeah, we love without reason Oh, twenty-five years old Oh, how were you to know? And My, my love had been frozen Deep blue, but you painted me golden

Reason:

Deep Blue would have referred to cobalt, which was Graysen's family color, but Lucien became her mate, and he has always been described as golden. Twenty-five is around the age Elain is in ACOSF, and it seems like a great time for her to finally look at her bond with Lucien and accept it.

Song Title:

Dress

Lyrics:

Even in my worst times You could see the best in me Flashback to my mistakes My rebounds, my earthquakes Even in my worst lies You saw the truth in me And I woke up just in time Now I wake up by your side My one and only, my lifeline

Reason:

As much as this song is one of her sexiest, I can see Calanmai playing a huge part in their book, especially considering Lucien's last Calanmai, where he was forced to partake in the ritual. I also love that Lucien saw Elain at her lowest and thought of her as the most beautiful female he had ever seen. Even when he didn't witness her powers firsthand, he still believed in her.

Song Title:

This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things

Lyrics:

But I'm not the only friend you've lost lately (Mm-mm) If only you weren't so shady

Reason:

This is about Lucien and Beron, but it could also extend to Tamlin. Lucien has left difficult situations twice: once after what happened to Jesminda and again with the Spring Court, which was a combination of Tamlin's lack of action toward Feyre's sisters and his failure to trust them regarding plans involving Hybern. I believe Lucien will finally express that their actions have been their undoing, and how he reacts to their response will demonstrate that he is High King material.

Song Title:

Call It What You Want

Lyrics:

Holding my breath, slowly, I said "You don't need to save me But would you run away with me?"

Reason:

This would be about their catalyst event. There is usually a moment when the FMC needs a change of environment, and it is their mate who takes them away. I think Lucien would tell Elain something like this before he takes her somewhere—anywhere—she wants.

Song Title:

New Year's Day

Lyrics:

But I stay when you're lost and I’m scared and you're turnin' away I want your midnights But I'll be cleanin' up bottles with you on New Year's Day

Reason:

Lucien isn't going anywhere, and I think he is the type of person whose loyalty is such that whatever Elain wants, he will do it for her. Not only that, but he will be whatever she needs him to be. Lucien's longing has been so prevalent in the series that he will do what she wants, even at the cost of his own desires.

[areislol]

neteyam, lo'ak x fem. na’vi! reader

ft— neteyam, lo'ak warnings— friends but crushing, sfw, tail stuff, FLUFF, light scolding a/n— i literally love neteyam + lo’ak so much :( our boys deserve so much better. major brainrot for them, this was just to fuel my needs for them/yours as well. please send in some more requests (°◡°♡) rec song: silver soul instrumental + nobody’s business synopsis— he always seems to get into fights, which means you having to patch them up + a bonus: hcs of how they give you affection, their little and subtle ways of loving you (while still crushing)

neteyam x fem. na’vi! reader

“Why do you always end up in fights neteyam, skxawng!” you scolded while spreading an ointment on his split lip, your brows furrowed in concentration before angrily pressing down on his split lip to which he scrunched up his face and hissed, “ow! ow! that hurts!” You withdraw your hands, stopping the application after he hissed, you looked up at him and gave him a sympathetic and sorry look, “sorry teyam.. i’m just..” you sigh your expression becoming glum, your head now downcast. “I’m just worried for you, you know?”, upon hearing your words his gaze softens, he feels his cheeks warming as he breaks into an ear to ear smile. “And im sick of always seeing you in my room!” you exclaim—this time looking up at him with a stern look. Neteyam rolls his eyes playfully as you start to focus on his sides. It was silent as you worked on his sides as he had been scratched several times, only the occasional hisses and children running around where you two were was heard. While you worked, he was admiring you. Watching you as you applied some ointment to his scratches then following with a leaf over it, how your brows furrowed whenever you had to wipe off the excess product around the scratches, if you did—it would sting, badly. He found it adorable how you stuck out a part of your tongue as you pressed down on the leaf on his stomach, you always did that when you were concentrating. The more he observed your face the more his cheeks began to grow warm as he continued to study your face, and so did yours. You could feel him staring at you, intensely, to the point where your knees felt like jelly and you were sure you were going to fall any second. Clearing your throat you stood up, neteyam lifted his head up as his eyes were locked on you, ‘i am done now, you may leave.” you state, walking away to place the remaining leaves and ointment away, your back faced neteyam as you waited for him to leave, but you never heard the familiar footsteps leaving.  After putting everything away you turn back and expect him to be gone but to your surprise you see him there, but not where he was before—he was much closer to you now, you observed his face and his body, trying to see if there was any wounds that you had somehow missed but to no avail. You cock your head to the side, neteyam locks eye contact with you, “what are you still doing here? shoo!” you whisper-yell, waving your hand in hopes of making him leave but of course, he doesn’t. When neteyam doesn’t leave like you’d hope he would, you speak up again, “neteyam you should leave, it’s almost time for dinner..” your gave wavers to the ocean where you see the horizon, the warm, orange tinge in the sky, you look back at neteyam who’s staring right back at you. ”Neteyam? i said it’s almost time for dinner, you should go.” you inch closer to him and sigh, “i don’t want to go out, not yet anyway” neteyam mumbles before averting eye contact with you. You purse your lips raise your brow, a hopeless sigh escapes your mouth. “I will go now then, leave for dinner though.” you mutter, walking past neteyam; you were only a few steps away from him when he stopped you by holding your arm. ”Wait! don’t go, please?” he muttered, his eyes boring into yours which made your cheeks warm. “Why don’t we go out together then?” you offered, nodding our head to the outside. Neteyam shook his head before letting go of your arm, as soon as he did you wanted to grab his hand and place it on your arm again but you couldn’t. Something was stopping you. You turn around to face him fully, your gaze never wandering off of him, “why don’t you want to go out? we could do so many things..” you say, stepping closer to him. He shakes his head again, “i want to stay with you”, as soon as he spoke you eyes widen, the room was suddenly hot, was it always so hot? Before you knew it you were standing right in front of him, his tail brushing up against your leg which prompts you to look down at it before looking back up, you feel your cheeks warming but before you could say or do anything neteyam beats you to it, “I uhm, wanted to stay with you for a little longer” Your gaze softens upon hearing his words, you motion for neteyam to sit down, and he does so, with you following closely after him. You both sit in silence, you fidgeting with your fingers while neteyam looked outside, the orange and yellow rays in the sky shined on his skin. ”Neteyam?” you asked in a hushed tone, neteyam turned his head around to look at you, he hummed which made you continue your question, “...promise me something?” neteyam is quick to straighten his back and gave you a nod—”try to stay out of trouble okay? you and your brother.” His heart pounded harshly against his chest, your pleading eyes made him want to burst. He knew he couldn’t keep his promise, he really did want to promise you, but he and his brother get involved in too many fights, probably three or more times a week. Which means that he’s with you more than he should be. You too knew that he could not promise you this but still, worth a shot. “I can’t promise you that.. but i can promise i won’t get hit a lot?” he stated, smiling at you sheepishly, “...okay..” you sigh, looking out towards the horizon. A smile creeps its way onto your face—”how about we walk together, along the shore?”, he looks unsure, his gave wandering to where you looked, the shore. ”It’s beautiful outside at this time of hour,” you whispered before turning your head, looking at neteyam, “please?”, with your plead he wastes no time and nods, getting up with you following his action. You trailed behind him as you two walk to the shore, his hands finding its way to yours before intertwining with yours—you were left speechless with your heart racing. As you and neteyam stroll along the shore, you swing both of your arms while admiring the scenery. bonus !

since you two aren’t actually dating (yet) he can’t really show you affection that he really wants to give to you.

he’d start of with little things, braiding your hair whenever you were tired to do so, swimming slowly so you weren’t left alone when ao’nung and tsireya swam too fast.

helping you with whatever you need, defending you against ao’nung and his gang and maybe even getting into a fight which leads him hissing and scrunching up his face when you apply pressure to his wounds.

he remembers the little things you tell him!!

gives you little massages on your shoulders or where ever it hurts.

gifts you necklaces and anklets he made just for you <3 if you two were back at the forest he would make them out of bones, vines and bark, but at the reef he collects the prettiest shells and gives them to you OR makes a necklace out of them.

neytiri definitely catches her son making a shell necklace for you and giggles, idk why she giggles and wiggles (if u get that ref. mwa) but she does.

tells jake about what she saw and they might even tease him about it

reassures you/comforts you when he sees you’re feeling down or looking glum!!

tells you horrible jokes that never fail to make you laugh.

or does something stupid to make you laugh/tells you stories about him and his brother lo’ak, getting into fights.

if he’s feeling playful he’ll grab onto your tail (doesn’t yank it though) which you always turn around to and jump onto him OR, you chasing him which eventually turns into you running away from him

little moments like these with you makes him feel like him, like a child, not some mighty warrior or a big brother, just, neteyam.

ugh you two just date already!!

lo’ak x fem. na’vi! reader

Applying pressure to his bruise makes lo’ak hiss to which you sigh heavily at, “must you always get in trouble?” you sigh while smearing ointment on his cuts and scratches, he only rolls his eyes in response to which you shake your head at. You tend his wounds in silence with only lo’ak hissing and ‘ow’ing, and you tsking whenever he moved being heard. “He was picking on kiri, calling her a freak.. so i hit him once.” he explained, you stop what you’re doing and look up at lo’ak with a sympathetic look. “Well i guess you’re justified..” you murmur before resuming your tending, but not before giving him a look. “Okay.. maybe not one hit, or two, or three, or-” lo’ak rambled on before silencing from your words, “fnu!” and with that you continue your work in silence, just how you like it. Once you were done you sighed and got up—walking away to place your equipment away, while you were putting everything away lo’ak was examining your work, the ointment still visible on scratches, some leaves and thin bark on his cuts. He hummed while turning his arm over, “i’m feeling better already, you’re a great healer.” You smiled at his comment but don’t show it. “Thank you lo��ak..” you reply, “no problem” he smiled before getting up, you heard his movements and whipper your head around, “sit back down! you have not fully recovered yet!” you shout with a glare. Lo’ak notices how you’re eyeing him down so he reluctantly sits back down with a grumble. You turn back around once lo’ak sits back down and finish putting everything away, you stood up and walked over to lo’ak, placing your hand on his shoulder, “you’re feeling better though, right?” you sigh. “Yeah i am” he nods while giving you a big smile with you mirroring his smile as well. Patting his shoulder you speak up again “well... i’m going to go now, if you need anything just call for me.”, you take your hand off his shoulder and give him a small smile before walking out of the marui. Lo’ak watches as you leave, he watches his little sister, tuk, run up towards you and holds your hand, pulling you over to the water where his other siblings were, and after that you were out of his view. Sighing he looks down at his hands, he fiddles with his fingers and lets out a heavy sigh. I’m so bored. he though before looking out of the marui, he sees many people riding their Ilu’s and diving in the ocean. ”If you need anything just call me.” was all lo’ak could think of, he longed for you and so, he did just that, he called for you. Lo’ak walked out of the marui and scanned the area in hopes of seeing you but unfortunately, he didn’t. He spent the next few minutes walking around trying to spot you or his siblings, ignoring the looks and glares that he was getting. Just when he was about to lose hope he heard tuk yell out kiri’s name, “kiri! come back! ugh you’re too fast!”, he wasted no time and ran to the direction of where he heard his younger sibling and there you were, water glistening on your skin as the sun shined on it, the water hugging your body, you looked absolutely ethereal, mesmerizing. ”Y/n!” he shouted, waving his hand around to catch your attention, and it works. You whip your head around and see lo’ak smiling like a fool, waving his arm around. A smile makes it way to your face as you look around to get their approval to go and they all nod. Running towards lo’ak, he stood still with just a bright smile on his face. Once you reach him you’re immediately concerned, why was he out here? was he hurt, again? you looked up at him with your brows furrowed, “are you okay?” you question, touching his arm and turning it around to see if the wounds reopened and others. ”Nah i’m okay, i just wanted to... uhm, i was all alone and i need someone to talk to me” he murmured, his eyes averting from yours which was unusual. You purse your lips and turn to look at your friends, tuk was chasing kiri around while kiri just laughed. Turning back around you stare at him, he’s not sure if you’re doing this to see if he was playing a trick on you or trying to see if he was okay but all he knew was that he enjoyed it, he enjoyed your attention. ”Well i suppose i can go without them for a while, what is it that you need?”, he wastes no time and drags you somewhere else with kiri yelling out “where are you two going?!” in the background, you could only turn your head around and give her a sheepish smile. He stops in front of the marui before inserting two fingers in his mouth, a whistles came out. Suddenly his Ilu swam over and popped its head out of the water, your eyes widened as he walked closer to it, almost connecting his tendrils with his Ilu but you stopped him just in time. “Wait! don’t- you still need to rest.” Your hands rest on his arm and moves them down, “you are still recovering. Are you dumb?” you scoff, lo’ak huffs in response, “uhm- no, actually i’m not.” you roll your eyes and gesture to him to send his Ilu away and he does so. ”Well what can i do now? there’s nothing fun.” he whines, waving his hand around as you stood there, watching him be like a baby. After many minutes of him whining you grab onto his arm and drag him to somewhere else, lo’ak is stunned by your actions and stumbles. ”Wha-” “shore.” he’s cut off by your word and lets you drag him to the shore, the cold water hitting his feet which causes him to shiver ever so lightly, he would never get rid of that feeling. Once both of your feet’s are submerged in the water you begin to walk alone the shore, letting go of his arm in the process, and when you do, lo’ak almost grabs it in response but stops himself midway. He catches up to you and starts to walk beside you, trying to match your walking pattern. “Any.. stories?” you ask, your gaze never leaving the water that surrounded you, lo’ak looks up, trying to think of a story that happened to him recently and he does remember one, he always had a story. ”There is one.. about how tuk got stuck in a vine and she kept on crying and beggin-” he rambles before stopping abruptly from a slap on his arm “ak! another story, poor girl.” you mumble, this time looking at lo’ak before looking back at the sand and water. Lo’ak grumbles and ponders again, what is a good story to tell you? oh! that’s right, that one time spider stepped on kiri’s tail and how that started a whole fight. ”Okay! good story this time, so basically...” he starts, your gaze now wavered from the water to the boy beside you who went on and on about his story with you asking him questions whenever he stopped talking out of nowhere. At the end of all the walking and talking lo’ak holds onto your arm, prompting you to look down at his hands wrapped around your arm before looking back up, you quirk your brow which only makes lo’ak grin, “thanks for putting up with me.”

bonus !

oml he’s so mad that he can’t kiss you. literally.

before you two started to date he just wanted to grab ahold of your face and smooch you all over until you’re laughing and pushing his face away but he just CAN’T.

first of all, you two are just “friends” and nothing more!! what!! bs!!

but like everybody knows that you two got something going on so..

so while suppressing his urges his does little things <3

giving you gifts such as: shells, a fish that he caught, those glowing fishes (that are in his palms and are splashing around, almost dying.) and so on so on.

when he finally builds up the courage to FINALLY ask kiri or his mother neytiri on how to make a necklace they’re all teasing him. relentlessly.

“oooh is this for y/n? yea she’s not going to accept it, just kidding bro”

“oh my son is finally courting his love!” and etc.

he is SO bad at crafting, but with the help of his mother and sister (not really) it actually comes out great!!

is so happy when you accept and wear it ^^

always has an arm around you, especially around ao’nung and his friends like, SHOO.

always stays right behind or next to you when swimming

HES SO CLINGY and he has no shame, buuut with all the teasing he’s getting from his mother and sisters.. he only does it when they’re not there and are away.

note: if you would like to be added to the avatar taglist pls just ask me!! dont be shy

taglist: @tomansimp, @howlandhaku, @luciphyls, @vizkiz869, @aonungobsession, @pandorainmymind​, i think i forgot to tag someone but i can’t find their message so im so so sorry if i didn’t tag you!!

liking + following + reblogs are very much appreciated!!

another note: not me procrastinating for like... days.. anyways here this is! alsoo im starting a series with neteyam so if you’d like to be in the taglist just send an ask or comment ^^ ALSO NOT PROOF READ SO IF U SEE ANY MISTAKES.. NO U DON’T.

REQUESTS ARE OPEN!!

[lilithslittleworld]

New Moon (If Edward Had Never Come Back Edition): Chapter 1

This is the first chapter of what I would like to be my version of New Moon without Edward returning, aka Bella ends up with Jacob.

Disclaimer:

Harry Clearwater doesn't die (or at least hasn't yet).

This first chapter is what would be the book's Chapter 17 but without Alice returning.

Really just fluff in this chapter><

Songs to listen to while you read:

Rosyln by Bon Iver

Glimpse of Us by Joji

Apocalypse by Cigarettes After Sex

Sweet by CAS

Sunsetz by Cigarettes After Sex

K. by Cigarettes After Sex

I had been stupid, ludicrous even, to believe that Edward would ever come back for me. He had meant those words that had been spoken in the forest back in September. I shivered at the thought of the months that would follow that soul-crushing conversation. By that first summer without him, it began to settle in my conscious mind that the hope I was holding within me was useless weight. He had left Forks and me with it permanently. I owed my life to another love that had blossomed because of his abrupt departure. 

Though I had known Jacob Black since our very early years, I had never really considered him a friend. He was more like a family acquaintance, that would show up unexpectedly or whenever Charlie had Billy over. It’s not that he wasn’t friendly, I just had never gotten to really know Jacob, beyond the mud pies we had made with our tiny, chubby toddler hands. But all of that had changed when Charlie had decided to send me to Florida with my mother following Edward’s abandonment. I bargained with him, using Jacob as the chip that would allow me to stay in Forks. By that point, I was spending more time at La Push than at Charlie’s, which he didn’t complain about. The wound Edward had left in my heart, the one that had made me double over in pain for innumerable weeks, had begun to stitch itself together with Jacob’s company. He had pulled me out of the numbing limbo and eased me back into the world and life. 

At first, I denied any idea or thought that might have to do with Jake, in any sense that strayed away from friendship. I had spent so long setting firm boundaries with him. The internal battles of guilt and confusion were constant. I didn’t even know why I so desperately wanted it to be false, why I wanted to repress any feelings in return to his very clear ones. I wasn’t scared of him and I certainly didn’t owe anything to Edward, he was long gone. It was the fear of hurting Jacob that pushed me away from entering that realm. I knew I wasn’t an easy person to handle and to be fair, he wasn’t either, but I still felt that my baggage was much heavier. I knew that sooner or later, the love I had for him would consume me and eventually, us both. I just didn’t know when. 

*********

I heard Charlie’s cruiser pull up into the driveway as I finished grilling the steaks on the stovetop. 

“Hey, Bells,” Charlie spoke, as he shut the door behind him and took off his jacket. 

“Hi, Dad, dinner’s just about done. Just give me another 5 minutes,” I called back over the sound of running water as I began to clean up.

“Sure thing, there’s no rush.”

Charlie was easy to please, between keeping him fed and spending the little quality time we had together, he had no complaints. He had loosened up significantly since Edward had left, not forgetting the time I had run off to Phoenix and told him I didn’t like living with him in Forks. I winced at the memory of his pained and confused face as I had run out of the house screaming. He had also calmed down after my sudden spiral into depression when the Cullens had moved away, though it had taken him a long time.

“Smells good,” Charlie commented, peering over the stove and then sitting down at the table. 

“Thanks,” I smiled, pleased with myself and his reaction. I knew that Charlie appreciated my cooking, he had told me almost instantly after moving back with him. 

We ate in silence until Charlie broke it by mentioning Billy. 

“Billy says he hasn’t seen you down at the reservation this week,” he noted, trying to sound indifferent.

This was exactly the topic I didn’t want him to bring up but knowing Charlie, he was bound to, even if it was unintentional. I had been wrestling with my feelings for Jacob for over a month now and had ultimately started to avoid him. It wasn’t an active decision but rather a passive space that I had placed between us, as I gave myself time to process. 

“Oh,” I mumbled absentmindedly, “You know how time consuming being a senior is.”

“I’m sure you could still find a little time to see him,” Charlie went on, clearly not having believed my lie. 

“Yeah you’re right Ch-Dad, I’ll stop by next week. I’m sure letting him catch up with his own homework isn’t that bad of an idea,” I said, picking up Charlie’s dirty place and stacking it on top of my own before making my way to the sink. 

“It’s only Thursday, you could stop by this weekend. I might be out fishing with Harry on Saturday anyway,” he hinted. 

I continued to wash the dishes silently, hoping he would drop the subject. It had been very clear from the beginning that Charlie had preferred Jacob over Edward and honestly having endured his heartbreak, I too began to agree with his favoritism. But this wasn’t something I wanted to talk about with my dad, especially not now, not undecided.

“You know, Bells, it’s been almost a full year since..you know,” Charlie fumbled with his words as he stood by the doorframe, rubbing his hands across his creased forehead, “there’s nothing wrong with…um..feeling things for someone again.”

“Dad!” I shrieked, mortified at the conversation that was beginning to unfold before me.

“I’m just saying, you and Jake seemed to really enjoy each other's company and he’s a good kid, Bella,” his voice had a hint of concern, probably remembering what Edward’s betrayal  had done to me. 

“I know, Dad. I just have a jumble of feelings in me at the moment and it’s not exactly the conversation I wanted to be having tonight, especially not with you,” I answered truthfully, hoping it would send him away to watch whatever game was on TV. 

“Okay, kid, just wanted to let you know,” he smiled back, clearly as embarrassed as I was before heading off to the living room. 

“Night, Dad,” I called out to him after having finished all of my tasks in the kitchen for the night.

“Night, Bells,” he replied, as I ran up the stairs to the privacy of my own room. My heart raced at the thought of being alone with my thoughts but I had decided to not censor them as much. Or at least to try not to. 

I sprawled across my bed, facing the white ceiling above me, listening to the rain softly fall. 

Plink, plonk, plink, plonk.

I had once reached a point of tolerance with the rain and the cold, as everything I loved most had resembled it. But now after everything, I craved the sun and its warmth more than anything. I sighed, rolling over on my side. The moon was out, not quite full yet, but its light shone dimly behind the clouds. I wondered if Jacob was out with the pack tonight, I knew the rain didn’t bother him. 

Jacob. His name swam around my mind, along with his face. The boy that had saved me after jumping off of that cliff, who had cared for me during all of my most painful moments. The boy who had brought back the life in me. He wasn’t so much of a boy anymore. My Jacob had gotten mixed in with Bad Jacob after becoming a werewolf. He wasn’t nearly as naive and sweet as he had been during my first year in Forks. He was different now but so was I and though his attitude and ever changing moods were annoying, I liked who he had become. The fact that he wasn’t fully human didn’t alarm me in the slightest but he had loathed himself for weeks before he could stand to talk about the matter with me. He was my best friend and the love I felt for him was unlike any other. 

Unlike any other, I thought again. Could it be that that’s why I had been avoiding my own feelings? Because it didn’t resemble the love I had had for Edward? My head spun as I tried to piece everything together. Could it be possible that I was indeed in love with Jacob? Why was it so hard for me to accept? There was no one but him. He was my entire world, my whole life was tied to him and I had refused to acknowledge it. We were no longer the shy acquaintances we once were when I had first moved back to Forks. Our time spent together had become meaningful, intimate. 

I could see it all so clearly now. I was in love with Jacob Black, my Jacob. My own little sun whose warmth I loved so dearly and craved even deeper. How could I not love him? He had shown me time and time again that he would not leave my side, no matter the circumstance. After saving me from the ocean’s pull towards its floor, he had begged to see me open my eyes again, to breathe. His warm hands had frantically searched for a response from me. He had cried as I took my first breaths and pulled me close to him, rocking me softly as he repeated my name.

Now it was me who was crying, the tears had been silently flowing down my cheeks for the past minutes, as I replayed my most tender moments with Jacob. He had not given up on me, even with all of the changes to his life, as he had once promised me at the movie theater.

“But don’t get mad at me for hanging around, okay?” he had patted my hand, “Because I’m not giving up. I’ve got loads of time.” 

And suddenly my legs were moving beneath me, my heart beat erratically as I made my way down the stairs, overcome with emotion and excitement. Downstairs, Charlie was still seated in front of the TV but I didn’t even care. 

“I’m going to see Jake. I won’t be out late, I promise,” I said frantically, grabbing my keys and opening the door, not bothering to grab a jacket despite the weather. Charlie didn’t even protest, he simply chuckled and gave a thumbs up. 

The drive to Jake’s house was tortuous. My truck fought to keep up with the speed I was trying to enforce. My mind raced as I sped. I hadn’t even thought of what I was going to say, I hadn’t even really known how I had gotten out of the house and into my truck. But as I neared the road that wound up to his house, I decided to say anything and everything that was on my mind. Who cared about embarrassment at this point? Before I knew it, I had parked and was making my way to the door. To my disappointment, Billy answered.

“Bella? Is everything okay? Did something happen to Charlie?” he asked, his face clouded with worry. 

“Charlie’s fine, I just really needed to talk to Jake,” I replied, trying to keep my voice steady. I put my shaking hands into the pockets of my jeans. 

“Jacob is out back, he just got back from Sam’s,” Billy said, pointing to the little clearing in the woods behind the Black’s house.

“Thanks,” I said, walking briskly in that direction. I could feel his eyes watching me even after I had turned around in search of Jacob.  

I was clearly out of breath at this point, something I could easily blame on the brisk pace of my walk if needed. As I walked, I started to see the light of a fire in the distance. Jacob was sitting in front of it, his bare back facing me.

“Jake?” 

He turned at the sound of my voice almost instantly, his eyes lit up when he saw me but nothing more than a slight smirk emerged from his face.

“Got tired of ignoring me?” he snorted, rolling his dark eyes. I knew he would probably never admit that my avoiding him had upset him. 

“It’s not like you haven’t done that before,” I shot back, my cheeks suddenly warm. I knew he hadn’t enjoyed the space I had created between us but I was surprised at his tone. 

“Jesus, Bella,” he shook his head at me angrily, “That was different. I was trying to protect you from myself!” 

“Look, Jake, I drove up here to talk to you about something pretty big but if you’re going to just pick fights with me I’ll go back home,” I challenged cooly. I realized I now had the upper hand in this situation. Jacob’s face went still. 

“Did the leech come back?” he asked, clearly repulsed. 

“Of course he didn’t,” I assured him, hoping to sway him back towards my conversation and my terrain. 

Jacob’s body eased slightly at my words and his face was no longer clouded with anger. “Oh. Sorry, Bella. I’m listening, if that helps.”

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath to steady myself, looking back up at him when I had finished. His gaze pierced into me, those beautiful, dark eyes searching mine for some hint or clue as to what I had to say. 

“I’ve been avoiding you,” I confessed, “but it’s not for the reason you think. It’s not because you’re a werewolf or that at times, you’re insanely annoying.” 

Jacob rolled his eyes at both statements but stayed silent. 

“I think it’s because seeing you made me feel things. Things I wasn’t sure I wanted to feel,” I continued, my pulse quickening as I reached the peak of my full confession. 

Jacob’s mouth now curved into a grin. He knew where this was going and he was clearly enjoying it. 

“I want to hear you say it,” he said, stepping closer to me, his smile never leaving his face. 

“I’m in love with you. As much as I tried to deny it, I am. It’s you, I-I think it always has been but I just didn’t know it till now. You’re the sun, Jake, how could I live without you?” I said, tears had begun to form in my eyes but I was determined not to let them fall. It felt so good to finally say those words out loud and I knew it felt good for him to hear them. 

“Bella,” he gasped, taking my face in his hands and pressing his lips against my own. He ran his fingers through my hair, sending shivers down my spine. My own hands were tangled in his hair, pulling him closer to me. His lips moved against mine gently, but with a sense of urgency behind them. His free hand had made its way down to the small of my back, pushing me even closer to him. He was so warm everywhere, his lips, his hands. I could even feel the heat of his body through my clothes and it felt good against the cold, rainy night that surrounded us.

“I knew you loved me,” he whispered, after he had pulled away and pressed his forehead to mine, “I told you I would wait,” he chuckled.

“Oh, Jake, how couldn’t I? You saved me,” I said, cupping his face in my hands. He was so beautiful and warm that I thought I’d melt.  

“So did you.” His voice cracked as he said it and I could feel the tears that had escaped on my hands, “I’m in it for the long haul, Bella. You’re it for me. I knew it from the first day you came back to Forks. I’ll be here by your side everyday,” he promised me, kissing my hands that were still holding his face to mine. 

I buried my face in his arms in relief, letting myself sink into his warmth. He felt so comfortable and safe. And better yet, he was mine and I was his. 

[favoriteblogonthecitadel]

Six Song Soundtrack Game

Tagged by the beloved @isayashai !! I loved reading through the songs you picked <3 And I had my eye on this tag game, so tysm for tagging me!!

Rules: If tagged, make a new post with links to music and/or lyrics describing the following: 1. An event that defines your character's past 2. How your character sees themselves 3. How others view them 4. Their closest relationship (platonic or romantic) 5. A major fight scene 6. End credits song

Doing this one for Xiomara Shepard with her ME1 self in mind specifically. Song titles/lyrics below, and since I like how they sound together, here are all of them in a playlist :)

Atlas: Eight by Sleeping At Last

I remember the minute It was like a switch was flipped I was just a kid who grew Up strong enough To pick this armor up And suddenly it fit […] But I can't let you see All that I have to lose All I've lost in the fight to protect it I can't let you in

If you’re wondering, yes, I’m very normal about Earthborn Ruthless Shepard. Particularly normal about Xiomara getting recruited from a chaotic environment and tossed into the super rigid expectations of Alliance training — struggling with culture shock within that structure, until the moment she gets to put on armor for the first time. It just... feels right to be ready to fight things, any things she gets thrown at, and becoming a soldier gives her everything she needs to pursue that instinct. From then on she thrives on the skills and attitudes she learned as a child, because apparently gang and Alliance cultures have some commonalities (they both reward desensitization to violence and loss of the self to the best interests of the organization).

2. Sometimes by Gerry Cinnamon

Sometimes, just sometimes Well alright, maybe all of the time I'm on a false ego trip Well I'm a renegade of sorts I roam the concrete jungle Hunting idiots for sport And now the cocaine scene It picked me up and made me frown That's when joking says that music helps the medicine go down Hey, it makes you feel alive More like demons of the night Flinging powder up your nose It's the way the water flows Yeah that's the way the story goes

For a character who relies so much on confidence and aggression, her inner dialogue is a lot more grounded; resigned, even. She has a job, it’s dirty work, and she does it well while finding acceptable ways to cope with it (also questionable ones, but what's life without some risk?). She doesn't feel any particular inclination to change her lot in life, until she finds the Beacon and faces a Bigger Picture she wasn't ready for.

3. MONEY by The Warning

Moral code updates three times a year Truth that's dipped in gold is just as sincere I'll never ask for forgiveness I come with God as my witness I pray he'll wash my hands It's sad and true, and the world hurts Sold your soul that's how it works We're human after all Are you worth your weight in gold? Going once, going twice, sold It's all about that cold, hard cash, hon Ow!

This is how I’d anticipate a lot of people view the Butcher of Torfan turned Council Spectre (and the mere concept of a human becoming a Spectre, tbh).

4. L.A. Kid by Act As If (for Xo and Kaidan)

You were an L.A. kid You were fighting hard You didn't need no one To set you apart You took me by surprise And stars fell from the skies You say you lost your heart And the lights went on 'Cause when you saw me, it was gone It was gone, it was gone And now that I I've got you here My days are long But you know when I'm coming home Coming home, coming home

They’re in love, your honor. <3 Neither of them was expecting it or looking for it, but once they collide, they're home.

5. The Pretender by Foo Fighters (for the final battle with Saren)

I'm the voice inside your head you refuse to hear I'm the face that you have to face, mirroring your stare I'm what's left, I'm what's right, I'm the enemy I'm the hand that'll take you down, bring you to your knees So, who are you? Yeah, who are you? Yeah, who are you? Yeah, who are you? Keep you in the dark You know they all pretend What if I say I'm not like the others? What if I say I'm not just another one of your plays? You're the pretender What if I say I will never surrender?

Heyyyyy so what if we were narrative parallels in our relationship with the threat of obliteration? What if we were both ruthless and flawed but one of us felt like a Chosen One forced to minimize the damage of the apocalypse, and the other could give zero fucks about compromising with false gods? What if our final confrontation after months of mutual hunt happened in the room that ordained both of us into the same Vigilante job, and it was not just a physical fight, but a conversation about which of us is a hero and which is a puppet? What then?

6. Raise Hell by Dorothy

Gotta raise a little hell Young blood, run like a river Young blood, never get chained Young blood, heaven need a sinner You can't raise hell with a saint Young blood, came to start a riot Don't care what your old man say Young blood, heaven hate a sinner But we gonna raise hell anyway

It's just Xiomara vibes honestly, and it goes well with the mutiny thing near the end of the game!

[foxes-that-run]

do you think Hits Different is haylor coded?

Hi, to me it is, though I think it is ambiguous as I think Taylor's feelings might have been. Aaron indicated it was an earlier song on Midnights. It was possibly written not very long after Renegade.

Timeline

Aaron mentioned it as one of the songs they wrote together, he mentioned it when saying they wrote High Infidelity in L.A. after Taylor saw Harry at the 2021 Grammy's. He mentioned The Great War also. (31 mins in Broken Record podcast)

I guess this somewhat depends on one's view of the Joever timeline and the Haylor aspects of Folklore. At that time Harry wrote As it was and LOML which are about moving on and there was a lot of reporting around OW.

Video

In this pretty unsettling short she wore an Opal, Taylor's worn Opals since 2014 including the Cardigan video and says 'Opal eyes' in Ivy.

Lyrics

I washed my hands of us at the club You made a mess of me I pictured you with other girls in love Then threw up on the street Like waiting for a bus that never shows You just start walkin' on They say that if it's right, you know Each bar plays our song Nothing has ever felt so wrong

Taylor has been a mess in:

All You Had To Do Was Stay: I’ve been picking up the pieces of the mess you made

Dancing With Our Hands Tied: I’m a mess but I’m the mess that you wanted

Illicit Affairs: Look at this godforsaken mess that you made me

Also the only other bus lyric is The 1: I thought I saw you at the bus stop, I didn’t, though.

Bars feature a lot on Reputation, so many associate them with Joe, (who she started dating after a lot of the album was recorded.) however to me most of those songs are Haylor.

Oh my, love is a lie Shit my friends say to get me by It hits different It hits different this time Catastrophic blues Movin' on was always easy for me to do It hits different It hits different 'cause it's you ('Cause it's you)

The Catastrophic blues, to me are most similar to Peace: "If your cascade ocean wave blues come." but I hear the lyric as Taylor is depressed.

'Movin' on was always easy for me to do' indicates Harry to me because, he is someone she hasn't been able to move on from because of the cyclical nature of it:

End Game "We tried to forget it, but we just couldn't" and "And I can't let you go, your handprint's on my soul"

DBATC: "Chandelier's still flickering here / 'Cause I can't pretend it's ok when it's not"

I used to switch out these Kens, I'd just ghost Rip the Band-Aid off and skip town like an asshole outlaw Freedom felt like summer then on the coast Now the sun burns my heart and the sand hurts my feelings And I never don't cry (no, I never don't cry) at the bar Yeah, my sadness is contagious (my sadness is contagious) I slur your name 'til someone puts me in a car I stopped receiving invitations

Taylor has also described Harry is irreplaceable, not a switchable Ken:

Question..?:"Cause I don't remember who I was / Before you painted all my nights / A color I've searched for since" and "Does it feel like everything's just like / Second best after that meteor strike

Ready for it: "And he can be my jailer, Burton to this Taylor / Every lover known in comparison is a failure"

Gold Rush: "And the coastal town / We wandered 'round had never / Seen a love as pure as it"

Finally the drunk, slurred name lyrics, (hard to slur Joe), and

Cruel Summer: I’m drunk in the back of the car and I cried like a baby coming home from the bar

Death By A Thousand Cuts: I get drunk but it’s not enough ‘cause the morning comes and you’re not my baby

I find the artifacts, cried over a hat Cursed the space that I needed I trace the evidence, make it make some sense Why the wound is still bleedin' You were the one that I loved Don't need another metaphor, it's simple enough A wrinkle in time like the crease by your eyes This is why they shouldn't kill off the main guy Dreams of your hair and your stare and sense of belief In the good in the world, you once believed in me And I felt you and I held you for a while Bet I could still melt your world Argumentative, antithetical dream girl

Joe's worn a few baseball caps, though Taylor has also referenced Harry's hats before. In early interviews Niall said he wore them to hide his hair in public, so he wears them a lot. Including this green beanie in the 22 MV.

Bleeding is a Haylor Theme

Trace the evidence / Wrinkle in time reminds me of Right where you left me, "They expected me to find somewhere / Some perspective, but I sat and stared"

Hair, Stare and Sense of belief describe Harry well:

Hair (Style: long hair, Shake it off: hella good hair, Gold Rush: Hair falling into place)

Stare (Style: daydream look in your eye, Delicate: look into your eyes, Exile: eyes add insult to injury, Gold Rush: Twinkling eyes)

Harry has a belief in the good in the world, Joe may too, we don't really know him.

Finally the Argumentative, antithetical dream girl - reminds me of Gold Rush "At dinner parties, I call you out on your contrarian shit". Harry describes Taylor in Sweet Creature "It's hard when we argue We're both stubborn, I know" Kiwi "Hard liquor mixed with a bit of intellect" and Woman "I told you, but I know you never listen."

I heard your key turn in the door down the hallway Is that your key in the door? Is it okay? Is it you? Or have they come to take me away? To take me away

Finally, hallways and doors both feature a lot in Haylor songs, here the muse has a key. I guess this also depends on a perspective of the pandemic time, I don't find it a stretch to think H had a key to Taylors home. As far as I wonder if she even has a literal key anymore...

Have they come to take me away reminds me of:

Wonderland: And in the end in Wonderland, we both went mad

Say Don’t Go: The waiting is a sadness fading into madness

Don’t Blame Me: "For you I would cross the line, I would waste my time, I would lose my mind" and "Don’t blame me, love made me crazy"

I Wish You Would: This mad, mad love makes you come running

Blank Space: Magic, madness, heaven, sin