#overthinking everything way too much as per usual

[noobsoconfusing]

‘pothead? more like pot no head!’ hamzahthefantastic

summary: hamzah and you get high together very often, however this time is different, as you both take too much and end up greening out in different ways.

warnings: awkwardness, inexperienced hamzah and reader, cum, cringe.

>_<

“holy shit! holy f-fuck!” hamzah rubbed his heavy eyes, staring half lidded at your limp body passed out on his lap.

damn, he felt so overstimulated. his senses failing on him, per usual.

the smoke surrounding the living room –and yourselves– felt thick, almost like he could munch on it if he wanted to, and each time he breathed in he felt even more zooted.

and ow, fuck! you looked so beautiful. the light freckles, almost invisible, surrounding specific areas of your face, and then some imperfections that hamzah considered perfect on you –the same he considered ugly on him– you had dark circles under your eyes, and messy hair that covered your face almost entirely, but still he was able to peek at your flushed cheeks.

‘no! hamzah, stop! she could be fucking dead!’ –he thought to himself, regaining an ounce of consciousness through the warm haze that filled his brain and body.

“hey…” he shook your body, trying to keep his eyes off of your torso, though it was almost impossible for him. hamzah’s eyes drifted down, sheepishly admiring how the oversized shirt you were wearing –that yeah, in fact was his– rode up..

but as he kept shaking your body with his bigger hands, he realised you were far gone. that, of course, scared him shitless.

“oh my god..!” hamzah considered calling martin, but it was roughly 4 am, he wouldn’t be awake.

hamzah felt like he was losing the ability to breathe properly. his heart was beating so fast and blood going to every single direction inside of his body.

literally every single direction. fuck. oh no.

“y/n, are you… are you awake?” hamzah saw double lines, so fucking high. “oh god she’s dead, she’s fucking dead…” he felt like crying he was so fucking panicked.

and the scene was quite funny, tense even. how was he going to tell the police that you guys got super high that you probably had a heart attack? even worse! how was he going to explain the stupid fucking hard-on he had been resisting to beat since the fucking weed settled on him?

crying with a stupid hard-on was pathetic. crying stoned out of his damn head, with his possibly dead roomie laying next to him was dumb.

everything was dumb! nothing made sense to him at that moment, ugh, so confusing!

crying next to the girl he yearned for, the girl he liked since he first saw in that roommate application was beyond pathetic. and you were both high.

“oh god, please!” he yelled so fucking loud, which made you scramble out of your slumber. “i know you hate me! doesn’t matter cause you’re uh, like, you’re dead, but oh god! i like you.. so much and.. man i just…wanted to smoke with you… maybe make out… maybe even dip it! but y/n please don’t, uh, don’t kill me in my sleep too! oh my fucking god!” he rambled as he slurred his words from how high he was.

hamzah had this problem. one of many. where he would overthink and panick and talk his brain off as if his body had no power over him, only his thoughts. that maximised when he was zooted.

due to his extreme yapping, you found yourself awake on the couch, but you couldn’t move or speak. your limbs felt floaty and numb and your body felt so lightweight that you wondered if you were human still.

but hamzah’s greened out voice was getting on your stoned nerves

“mmm…” you slowly opened your eyes, red as fuck. “hamzah, a-are you tweaking?” your voice groggy after smoking only turned him on even more, and he felt so bad for thinking lewd stuff about you.

his eyes blew up wide, like two round red leds. he threw himself into your smaller frame, engulfing you in a big hug. he groaned out of satisfaction.

groaned again when he felt your body so close to his. so warm. so soft.

“holy fuck! you’re not dead! oh shit, y/n i fucking love you, i love you i love you, god i was scared shitless..” as high as he was, he meant it, he had been wanting to admit that for such a long time but sober he didn’t have the balls to.

you gave into the embrace and snuggled closer to his warmth. his words vague, though you cherished them and how sincere he sounded, it was almost impossible to concentrate in that state of mind. all you could do was enjoy the proximity.

so comfortable, so nice, and..

“im sorry im hard..!” hamzah pulled away from the hug to look down at his almost unbearable boner. his eyes wide and glossy like marbles looked at you like a kicked dog asking for help.

you see, in his right mind he wouldn’t even mention it, he wouldn’t even look at its direction. but he was definitely not in his right mind, right?

he surely knew how to silence a room.

“huh?” you stared at him confused and rubbing your right eye, pouting. looking like a fucking goddess. so cute. so beautiful it made hamzah wanna just explode.

here comes the world vomit. high trait of his.

“im sorry i have a boner. like, okay, it’s so painfully hard that i feel sorry because weed, well, weed makes me super fucking horny and on top of that you’re here and i think you’re so pretty and i love you so oddly much… im sorry i got a boner,” he swallowed the knot inside his throat. “i am sorry, so sorry. i love you though? is that weird? do you think it’s weird?..”

seconds that felt like hours passed and you would just switch stares between hamzah’s reddened face and the notorious bulge inside his grey sweats.

he felt like dying. and you were just sitting there, looking fuckable and so pretty, and he was just melting there waiting for a reaction from you, trying not to burst like a teen.

hamzah almost felt as if the high was gone from how nervous he got, but feeling sober was way worse.

you got closer, but it was like you were being pushed by an invisible force. like a magnet attracting you to hamzah’s shivering body.

your hands trembled badly.

no, you did not know what possessed you to crawl over him and caress his face, he was sweating cold, and his eyes far gone intoxicated.

“w-what are you…?” you laughed at how he pronounced the sentence, your giggles almost like a whisper.

tension so dense it could be cut with a knife

the eye contact was stupidly intense, both of your gazes drowsy and tired, eyes heavy and itchy from the smoke around you.

when your hand moved south, hamzah’s eyebrows knitted together and his mouth fell open wide, choking a whine. it was extremely weird how a little touch could make him feel so excited, and got him even harder, if it was even possible…

“dude, you’re bricked…” you said, feeling him up through the grey sweats.

he subconsciously thrusted his hips upwards to your hand, which you quickly moved away, earning a pathetic moan from him.

“nooo, owww!” he pouted, eyes teary.

it was funny.

“no! hey!..” he pleaded, grabbing your hand and trying to place it over his boner again, but you giggled at his impatience and swatted his bigger palm away. “y/n! p-please, h-hey, you can’t just..” he shrieked desperately. “please?”

hamzah was willing to jerk off right then and there, not minding your presence. even better for him, he would cum to your image, to your feel, to your sight.

that would totally cross the roommate line, wouldn’t it?

neither of you were experienced though, and as fucked up as you were, you also didn’t wanna ruin it, ruin whatever was going on between you two.

you got too nervous. nervous at the sight of him so fucked out over nothing. you never had a guy like that, never so desperate for you. or a guy at all. hamzah made you feel so stupid, so weird inside. so warm.

oh, so nervous…

“uh, do you want another hit?” suddenly, you got up looking for the rest of the blunt. too lightheaded to function. too nervous to continue. a good excuse.

hamzah stared at you in disbelief. then down at his pants. then at you again. he smiled, but it was such a hot smile. he looked so good, so fucked up.

“we are pretty cooked though, don’t you think?”

you shrugged. “whats the worst that could happen?”

so you grabbed the special blunt on the night table, and the lighter too. slid it into your mouth and lighted the pre rolled, you inhaled and swallowed the smoke in, turning over to hamzah and then blowing out the smoke on his face.

he stared at you with his mouth wide open, trying to take some of you in. so drunk on you.

and so, the worst thing that could happen, happened.

hamzah felt like he lost balance, his eyes rolled back into his skull and tried to reach for your hand to hold while a gutural moan erupted from the back of his throat, just as he emptied himself in his sweats..

came untouched. just at the sight of you blowing smoke out on his face.

“f-fuck, im so so so sorry, i didn’t… i- i just, i don’t know… you’re so pretty and…” he started rambling yet again and you felt so silly.

your gaze softened on him, and hamzah felt less embarrassed when he realised you weren’t angry or grossed out. your soft eyes felt gentle and he knew you weren’t judging him.

“it’s fine… i guess.” you avoided staring at the wet puddle forming inside his pants, and he giggled nervously too.

time passed by, maybe not really. you felt as time flew by too slowly, and found yourself lost in hamzah’s big eyes again. both of you staring at each other while sitting on the couch, the blunt consuming itself far forgotten but still creating smoke.

hamzah cleared his throat. “i feel sticky.”

“i bet you do.” you replied.

“have you ever…” he started but you quickly interrupted him.

“no head, hamzah!”

>_<

yay first small fanfic here ^_^ unbelievably cringe though, might have to kms.

[mjuuuk]

ok so. the Ellie/Yela confusion in s2 when Gedeon is hospitalized and it’s never made quite clear which one of them it was visiting the whole time?? At first I took it as a classic misleading moment because Yela comes along right after it; but thinking about it, taking things into account we get to know later, I do believe that the woman the nurse talked about was actually Ellie, after all.

The nurse explicitly mentions that the woman was a Kommissarin/inspector, which is a rank Yela hasn’t yet reached at the time. Plus, before Gedeon woke up she hasn't even been put on the case yet - which was the very thing making her ask him for help for at all. Ellie on the other hand is struggling with PTSD caused by the confrontation with Ansbach and severe guilt in relation to the surviving victims of the case; She later talks about how she had the urge to keep an eye on them all the while, wanted to talk to them, but couldn't bring herself to. I think in her mind this somehow included Gedeon, who was shot and almost killed literally minutes after he was at her bedside (also because he was staying with her, more or less). We see her drive up to the hospital after she was told that he's finally awake meaning to visit, struggle with herself for a second, and then change her mind last minute. I think it was the very same blockage - sitting at his bedside, keeping an eye on him when he was unconscious (from a 'distance'), but not being able to face him once he was out of the coma. So she kept her distance, and Yela took over from her (in more ways than one). I also doubt Ellie even was aware that Gedeon would be on the same case as her yet again when she came back from her break to investigate Yela's murder. Perhaps she wouldn't have come herself if she did, due to the fear of confrontation. Poor woman literally almost choked on her words when he entered the room during her kickoff speech😭

[arafilez]

☆ ⼂ THE SILENT TREATMENT ﹗

ꔫㅤㅤ ❜[ skz ot8 x any reader ] ㅤ⋆ ㅤangst, fluff ㅤ warnings insecurities, arguing, crying, cursing ㅤ﹢ㅤ300 per member wc

◗ ៹ BANG CHAN ›

Silent treatment, that one thing you hated from the bottom of your heart. And Chan was giving it to you, for a small mistake.

Well, you wanted to transfer some pictures from his laptop to your phone and you almost deleted his song drafts. Almost! But he caught you in the act of restoring everything and screamed so loud it could be heard down the street.

Then an argument broke out where he argued about you being careless and you argued about how they are not deleted and that is what matters. He argued back about how they could have been and then it led to a cold war.

Right now, you were both just giving each other silent treatment, both of your egos too big to back out. But now you were contemplating whether you should because you missed him, it has been two days since you both talked.

Just then Chan entered the room as you swiftly got up and you both simultaneously spoke, "I am sorry." You were beyond relieved at this as you jumped into his embrace and he stumbled back trying to hold you.

"I am so sorry, I am stupid," you said as he stayed silent. You looked at him narrowing your eyes as he shrugged saying, "If you are waiting for me to disagree, it will be a long day."

"Well then Chan, fuck you," you said as he smirked, "Yeah we need to make up for the two days."

Placing a small kiss on your lips he said, "We need to make up for the kisses and cuddles not done in two days too," and you nodded in agreement.

◗ ៹ LEE MINHO ›

You hung your head low thinking of ways of apologising to him. Even though it was not your fault you wanted to apologise first because it was too much for you to handle.

It was not your fault that the bartender was flirting with you, you did try to wave him off.

But that persistent person did not leave you alone which made Minho pretty angry. He stared at the bartender poking his tongue inside his cheeks before he left dragging you out with him.

And you two didn't even have any argument before he started the silent treatment.

You have poked him, literally, many times and stood in front of him blocking his way trying to make him talk but all was in vain. So now you were thinking of newer ways.

You made some cold coffee for yourself and sat down sipping on it lightly and suddenly Minho took it out of your hands and took a sip sitting beside you. "You know we are indirectly kissing," you half joked wanting him to break but nothing.

What tortured you more was the fact he was doing everything he usually does, except talking to you and of course, was depriving you of any physical affection.

You clung your body to him, hugging him sideways and you thought he would get away but he made no attempts to. "Come on, forgive me already, it was not my fault," you whined right beside his ears but he acted like he was deaf, eyes glued to his phone.

"Min please, you know I can't handle silent treatment, my mom did it too and trust me it hurts, like a bitch. It is one of the reasons I never give anyone silent treatment. You know these," hurt was evident in your voice as you said all those.

Still, when you got no reaction you just had enough and got up going to your bedroom. Tears pooled your eyes because you always thought the worst and now you felt like he would leave you.

Minho, on the other hand, realised he had gone overboard and with your overthinking mind you had now broken down. He threw the phone on the sofa ran up the stairs and urgently knocked on your door.

Before doing the second knock he pushed the door, seeing it was already unlocked just to see you standing on the balcony, blinking your eyes rapidly to stop the tears.

He went up to you and hugged you from behind he kissed your neck. He felt you relax in his embrace and cleaned your tears dry before kissing you on the nose.

That was enough for you to realise he was joking and he would never leave.

◗ ៹ SEO CHANGBIN ›

"How about you ask Seungmin to give you a ride home?" were the last words Changbin said to you over the phone. Now you were sitting in the car with him staring out the window.

There was an uncomfortable silence hanging in the air and you knew why. All because he was angry and jealous. And angry Changbin is scary Changbin.

You were laughing along every time Seungmin decided to destroy his members with his sarcastic lines, especially Changbin. But Seungmin accidentally made fun of him for being chubby which hurt him.

What hurt him more was you laughed along before you realised it now after that Seungmin hugged him which made him forgive him at once but when you decided to try that he just walked away.

And then after spending another half an hour with the 00' liners you decided to go home and here you were, in his car, when he is still angry.

"Changbin I am sorry, I didn't mean to," you said apologising to him again but he ignored you, again. You sighed throwing your head back on the car seat.

You gazed at him longingly, your eyes tracing his every feature as you put your hand on his which was free. "You look hot, driving with one hand," you voiced out unintentionally before widening your eyes in realisation.

He chuckled lowly before saying, "That is one way of making me talk." "Oh my god, you talked," you screamed in delight and you saw him pull the car to your house.

"Changbin I am sorry we joked about your insecurity, it was cruel of us," you said, being truly sorry for what you and Seungmin did.

"It is okay, mistakes happen, just I hope you don't repeat it," he says looking at you and smiling, dimples visible on his lower cheeks as you melted due to his smile.

"I promise, we won't, ever," you assured tracing your fingers along his knuckles. "Good," he smiled before leaning in and kissing you as you held his cheeks firmly, kissing him back. He parted for air but then you pulled him back, his laughter dying down in his throat.

And inside the safety of the metal bubble, a beautiful love was growing.

◗ ៹ HWANG HYUNJIN ›

Hyunjin was being overdramatic, again! It was a regular phenomenon by now, but this time it was getting out of hand. He was screaming his lungs out just because of his hair.

You both went to the grocery store before to buy some ingredients and when you were walking home rain started pouring. Now, there was no shadow in the alley and thus you both started running. But, by the time you reached your home, you both were fully drenched.

He started screaming as soon as he entered saying he was wearing an expensive hair product and now his hair will be all ruined due to it getting wait. He blamed you for not taking an umbrella to which you replied that you were not suitable to know it would rain.

Your constant sarcastic replies and eye rolls pissed him and thus you both broke out in a big argument. And then you both were screaming curses at each other forgetting what the argument was about anyway.

And now you both were sitting across each other on the couch giving the very infamous silent treatment since both of your egos were too big.

You were aware that Hyunjin was a sensitive person and constantly feared if he would start crying. If he did, then you would break instantly and you knew it very well.

And he did break down after a few minutes, sniffing lightly, trying to keep as quiet as he could. That broke your heart. All the times before he had wailed out loudly like a child.

But this time he was quiet, trying not to gain your attention and make you feel guilty. But now you were feeling guiltier than usual.

You got up from your side and sat down beside him and saw his tear-stained face. "I am sorry," he croaked out and you instantly hugged him repeatedly saying that you were sorry too.

You kissed his tears dry and placed a kiss on his nose, his two eyelids and a longing one on his lips. You pulled back but he pulled you back making him sit on his lap.

"Works like a charm," he smirked as you groaned but deep down you knew those tears were real. "You don't have to hide your pain like that Hyunjin," you whispered as he smiled at you.

"I love you," he blurred out and you replied, "I love you more." "Impossible," he said as you laughed lightly in his embrace.

◗ ៹ HAN JISUNG ›

You and Han were throwing angry remarks at each other because of a stupid argument. At this point, none of you even remember what the argument was about.

After one point a very sudden stop came to your argument when you received a call from your mother. When you finished talking with her you noticed Jisung had already gone to bed.

You sighed softly before you made your way towards the bedroom and saw him sleep on one corner of the bed face turned away from you. You quickly did your night routine and sat up on the bed flicking the light switch off.

The cool breeze of the air conditioner blew in the darkroom as you contemplated your sleeping positions for a few minutes. Then you scooted closer to him before placing a hand on his hair.

Gently stroking it from the back you put another of your arm around his waist. "Ugh, I hate arguing with you, you are too irresistible to resist," you murmured as he turned towards you taking you by surprise.

"Yeah, you scared me," you laughed but he gave no response as you realised he was giving you the silent treatment. "No, please, not the silent treatment," you whined as his eyes bored into yours.

"Come on Ji, please," you threw a small tantrum throwing your body into his arms but he didn't hug back. Suddenly you thought of a plan as you started tickling him.

"Oh my god, stop," he screamed out throwing you off his body as you laughed heartily which he joined soon after. "You make it very hard to stay angry," he said in between his laughs.

He jumped over your body kissing you all over your face as you lay on the bed giggling. Giving a longing kiss on your lips you both smiled like two teenagers in love.

You loved the way you loved him, and you would gladly do it for life. So would he.

◗ ៹ LEE FELIX ›

"Well sometimes Mr Brownie Lee, I would like a brownie too," you screamed at him as he briskly ignored you flipping through the television channels.

"Oh do not even think of silent treatment," you whined as he gave no reply or acknowledged your presence. "You know what, I will make some myself," you said as you left the room gloomily.

Felix got a little concerned about you using the kitchen but let you nevertheless. After a few moments, he heard a scream as he ran towards the kitchen.

Walking inside he saw you holding your hand under cold, running water and a knife with a little blood beside it. "Why can't you be safe?" he grumbled holding up your hands and gently rubbing them underwater.

"Hey, you are talking," you exclaimed happily as he sighed kissing your forehead softly murmuring a soft 'I am sorry' in his deep voice.

"It is okay," you hummed out as he suggested, "Let's make them together after your finger is healed." You nodded in agreement, your insides bubbling in happiness.

"By the way, what were you doing with a knife for making brownies?" he asked being genuinely curious as you laughed nervously saying, "You do not have to know."

◗ ៹ KIM SEUNGMIN ›

"No Seungmin you do not understand. I have nothing with you not holding hands or any other affection in public. But even behind the doors, you do nothing. It is not fine, I have given you three months to loosen up but sometimes I will get impatient too if you keep being so unresponsive to every affection," you screamed finally getting rid of all the frustrations in your mind.

For the first two months, it was okay, but now you felt impatient. You just wanted a simple kiss or just a hug but he did nothing. Nothing.

Seungmin stayed quiet, absorbing your every word before he left the room and slammed the door after entering the bedroom. You sat down on his couch contemplating whether you should just leave and go to your apartment or you should apologise right now. But your alter ego said otherwise as it felt you did nothing wrong.

You clutched your head in your hands thinking of ways to approach him because he would never do it to you. 'There you go, making the first moves again,' a part of your mind screamed and you just wanted to cry at that moment.

It was already two hours as the fight had ended and you were still there. You went up to drink a glass of water and after drinking you made your way towards his room.

Entering it you started talking, not exactly apologising but profusely trying to make him understand all your points as he stayed silent, not even looking at you.

"Fine, if you want to give the silent treatment, it is okay, I guess I deserve it," you sighed and left the room, well, tried to.

Seungmin quickly pulled you by your hand making you sit beside him on the bed as he said in a loud, clear voice, "I am sorry."

"Oh," you were surprised at the suddenness as he continued rambling on about how he should have been more compassionate and tried to understand how you feel. He also said that he would be more affectionate from now on.

His never-ending speech was boring you so you quickly pecked his cheeks and he stopped talking, staring at you with those puppy eyes.

You thanked the gods for making these kinds of ideas actually work in real life but the thinking process was cut off again.

Seungmin leaned in towards you, his lips ghosting over yours as he asked with a whisper, "May I kiss you?"

◗ ៹ YANG JEONGIN ›

"You are always busy, you either have a big project coming up, or you have tuitions, or you have college classes. I realise it is hard for you and thus I do not meddle with anything you do. I do not drop you off at college because you are afraid of scandals. I do not meddle when you mix with your friends. I just want some time for myself, please. Is it too much for you to give? Because if it is then we should break up. I mean I am an idol who hardly gets any time and whenever I do, you are busy. In the next months, we will be on tour and I will not see you. But you know what? Nevermind!" Jeongin inhaled sharply after the long speech.

He left the room leaving you dumbfounded, not knowing what to do. Your mind has stopped working as you thought of multiple ways to make this up.

You closed your laptop and scurried towards your room only to find it locked and you could hear Jeongin's sniffles from inside which broke your heart.

You felt guilty for what you have done because he was right. He was not those annoying boyfriends who were all over their partners' lives.

He did give you space, a lot. But you have just been increasing that every day. You sat down outside the door leaning on it as you could still hear him crying.

You patiently waited for him to open but he ignored all your calls and messages. An hour later he did open the door.

But he wasn't talking. You made multiple attempts to get him to talk and make him stop giving you the torturous silent treatment but none worked.

"Please Innie, I am sorry, I promise I will make up for every single moment I have missed, just please don't leave, I can't live without you," you choked out as a tear rolled out of Jeongin's eyes.

He turned to you hugging you before saying, "Do you know how much I love you to leave you?" you cried with him as his shirt got wet and whispered 'I love you too'.

Maybe, this time, you both will give effort to this relationship.

ꔫㅤㅤ ❜ [ ara's notes ] ㅤ⋆ ㅤit was supposed to be really angsty but meh i can't write without fluff ꔫㅤㅤ ❜ [ taglist ] ㅤ⋆ ㅤ@haneagerr @jeonghanfr ㅤmain mlistㅤ skz listㅤ navi ㅤ add to taglist

© arafilez on tumblr. please do not copy and repost my work as your own.

[rebeltigera]

WAIT, hold on, I need more info about Mac in heat.

Is Wukong taking care of everything? Did it take them by surprise or Mac just forgot to mention it to Wukong? Is Wukong, idk, making sure everything is alright? Like,,, like the nest! Does he bring more pillows and stuff or is Mac one of those that prefers more space than being surrounded by things?

PLEASE GIVE US MOFE INFO 🥺

(ALSO, bc I almost forgot about them, are the cubs with them too?)

—🐵🐵

If that would happen like trillion years ago wukong in fact would take care of Mac But it's happening in the healing arc. Somewhere after Mac healed from the wound by scroll , but not enough for them to be that close to each other (HA, the first time will be years later from now ) So Mac told Wukong to not come visit his island for a whole week. Excuse? Pif was there It wasn't much of a lie- Pif indeed spends every Mac's heat with him so he don't feel alone, they also meet up with Chang'e and they have their "wine party" (it happens like once per 5 years) It's literally for the purpose of Mac not being alone in those days

Usually it works well enough , tho this time Pif wasn't there whole time, after many assurances from Mac that was quite still clear-headed , she departed before the thing was over and well, Mac got lonely either way

And he tends to overthink and self loathe when drunk, on herbs and during heat So he wasn't really in the good place on the rest of last day

The cubs were there alr- they got worried. And where they could go ? To the only person they thought can help, a one-year protector of the island during the scroll fiasco - Wukong.

Wukong worried visited the island (He wouldn't disobey Mac's orders in normal situation but his cubs came seeking for help) , and seeing Mac curled all in one of the common rooms , left alone , under some blankets, smelling all wrong - He took him back to his room , where his nest was . It was much better than that common room . Mac all delirious thought mostly it's hallucination , Wukong stayed with him- not entering the nest , giving up his phoenix robe, not providing more than smell and some semblance of warmth - U have no idea how he mourned that moment. He'd bring mac the best materials, pillows, blankets , helping him create the best and comfiest nest they could create , full of fluffy things because mac love them He couldn't do more in this situation . The hell would rise if he would , The moment When Mac would stop smelling wrong he'd be out. But the robe would stay

[littlemissmentallyunstable]

title: the dancer and the angel part 2

pairing: grayson hawthorne x (first person) reader

synopsis: lyra kane is closer to your boyfriend than ever seen as grayson has just been put of her team in the grandest game and it’s making you a little nervous, you don’t trust her and you don’t want her too close to him

parts: part 1 part 3

warnings: mild swearing, SPOILERS FOR TGG

a/n: I had quite a few requests for a part 2, so here she is… trying to get into my productive era right now (fake it till you make it right??)

tag list: @tornqdowarnings @whatsamongus @wish-i-were-heather @inmyheaddd @never-enough-novels @sweetlikeanangel @lxvebelle @xoxo-vee @emelia07 @f4iry-bell @zaraaaabear @thoughtdaughter3 @benny1989fredd @elysianwayy77 @maybxlle @sheisntyou @anintellectualintellectual @aleatorio1234

RECAP

“Whose team is he on?” I say quickly.

“Odette Morales and Lyra Kane.”

***

Lyra Kane. Lyra Kane. Lyra Kane. The name rattles around my brain, echoing off of my skull, only to replay in my mind again. Of course it just has to be Lyra Kane that he’s on a team with. That breathtaking woman with beauty that shouldn’t be possible for a human. Yeah, that Lyra Kane. I feel like laughing and crying all at the same time, so I express nothing instead. Why did it have to be her? Out of all of the players.

I’m not jealous, I try to convince myself, I’m just concerned. Yes, that’s it. Except it isn’t and the only person I’m lying to is pathetic little old me. I am ferociously jealous. It scolds me torturously, raging from the pit of my stomach, crawling under my skin to settle comfortably.

Grayson loves me, I know this. I felt the kisses we’d shared on the beach moments before he’d gone into the stupid house. They still linger on my lips now, I could taste him slightly, I’d heard him say he loved me, only me and yet I can’t get the feeling out of my system. The jealousy always manages to seep its way back in. I’m sick with a disease called envy.

I don’t want to be the jealous girl, the possessive one that people roll their eyes at or avoid. That’s not me. I didn’t want it to be me. But deep down I’m petrified that that’s who I’m becoming. I sigh, realising I was just going to have to swallow it. What could I do about it now? Besides I know Grayson, I trust Grayson. He wouldn’t let her try anything on, would he?

***

Hours of waiting and not watching. We couldn’t see the players at all. Or hear them. Anxiety is killing me slowly from the inside out, gnawing happily at my organs. I spin the ring on my middle finger as my leg jigs up and down, counting down the seconds until sunrise, four-thousand one-hundred and eight-two to go.

“You know you don’t have to look so panicked all the time,” Nash sighs, slumping down beside me.

“I’m not panicked,” I say, forcing a laugh.

“Sure darlin’,” he says, “my name’s Roger and I have a pet turtle.”

I roll my eyes, fighting the urge to smile, “I mean it, I’m fine.”

“It’s completely safe in there, we designed it that way,” he explains slowly, soothingly, “no one’s going to get hurt and there’s an emergency button just in case.”

“Okay,” I nod, exhaling.

I don’t believe him and his words don’t offer me much comfort. My overthinking brain is currently listing all of the ways Grayson could possibly die in the next ten minutes. But Nash is trying and I’m thankful to have him.

“At least pretend you’re convinced,” he drawls, a twinkle in his eyes.

Maybe I’m not convinced that everything’s going to be fine but I am convinced Nash has a sixth sense called ‘big brother knows all’ because for some reason he always knew everyone’s thoughts and feelings, even when they were trying to hide it. Either that or he’s a mind reader.

“I am,” I tell him, as convincingly as I could muster, “everything’s going to be fine.”

“Shit!” Jameson yells from across the room, perfect timing as per usual.

“What?” I hear Avery ask quickly.

“The powers gone out,” he says, smacking the table so hard I didn’t know how he didn’t break a bone.

“What do you mean the powers gone out?” I say, standing up and walking over.

“I mean they have no light, no heaters and they ate completely locked in by the mechanisms,” he explains, gesturing to the blank screens.

“We’ve lost all connection to them as well,” Xander murmurs, eyes darting from left to right at each and every screen.

“Everything?” I exclaim, trying not to get over-anxious and failing miserably.

“Yes,” Jameson confirms.

“You’re panicking her,” Nash scolds him.

“Well she asked I’m not going to lie,” he defends.

“Not the time to argue guys,” Avery rolls her eyes, getting back to the computer. Jameson follows her lead, trying to reconnect the lost signals.

“Shit shit shit,” he groans as more things shut off. He slams his hands down on the keyboard and starts guessing random buttons, “Xand help me out here,”

“Don’t you worry, dearest brother,” Xander replies calmly, “I’m working on it.”

Silence hits us like the dead. We’re all intently staring up the layers and layers of code coming up on the several screens. I can’t understand any of it.

“This is Python,” Jameson points at one of the scenes.

“Yeah and this is Java,” Xander nods, “but I have no clue what this is.”

“Shit,” Jameson curses, running a hand through his hair, reminding me of Grayson when he was overstimulated.

“Not yet,” he replies, turning to the other Hawthorne brother present, “Nash do you remember when I was in fifth grade-“

“The de-coder book?” he says before Xander even finishes.

“Please,” he nods sharply.

“Got it,” he replies, rushing out of the room.

“Do you have any idea what they’re talking about?” I whisper to Avery

“Absolutely none,” she shrugs, looking as clueless as me offering me some comfort.

“Who would even cut the power?” Jameson asks to nobody in particular.

Avery and I share a look. I already know we’re thinking the same thing.

“Grayson is in there, does she know that?” I ask quickly.

“I don’t know,” she replied, chewing the inside of her cheek

“She?” Jameson interrupts. We both ignore him.

“Don’t you think he’ll be her prime target,” I say, the worry warping my tone a little in a way that made me sound a little too vulnerable for my liking.

“Target?” Jameson says. We ignore him, again.

“Most likely, if it is her,” Avery sighs, tapping her bottom lip melodically.

Jameson looks at Xander, baffled, “are they speaking in code?”

“I’m kind of concentrating right now Jamie, please don’t talk to me,” he responds, not taking his eyes off of the computer screens as he attempts to decode.

“Who are you talking about?” Jameson raises his voice a little, forcing me and Avery to address his question.

“This could be Eve,” Avery says softly.

“Eve?” Xander says, freezing mid-type and actually lifting his head up.

“No surely not,” Jameson shakes his head in denial.

“Think about it,” I say, “who else can you think that would want go sabotage this game?”

“Anyone who fancies a good bit of money,” he states, “and it could be nothing at all.”

“A power cut isn’t nothing,” I argue.

“I hate to agree the circumstance,” Avery exhales, “but it’s true, this feels like a threat of sorts.”

“And we can’t contact the players meaning anything could happen right now,” I say, worry bleeding into my voice.

Jameson’s face softens.

“But they’re locked in,” Nash points out, sauntering back in, “no one is getting in or out, that means they can’t be hurt.”

He hands the decoding book to Xander who frantically flips through the pages to find something in particular.

“Windows can be smashed,” I point out.

“You think whoever this is would risk smashing a window,” Nash asks, with his eyebrows raised.

“I don’t know how these people work,” I snap, throwing my hands up in the arm.

“You’re shaking,” he says softly.

I look up to see my shaking limbs. Immediately they drop to my sides and I desperately try to still them, “no I’m not-“

“Breathe a little okay, Gray will be fine,” he reassures me, his tone placid, as he delicately takes my shaking hands between his.

“Look as long as they all stay put no one should get hurt,” Avery says calmly, “the glass on the windows are double glazed and harder to smash than the average window, that is if they’re going to risk that.”

“Besides Xander’s on it,” Jameson adds.

Xander sticks a thumb into the air, still audibly tapping the keyboard with the other, “whoever did this is incredibly skilled at hacking and annoyingly so,” he mutters in reply.

No one talks. We are all just stood in silence, barely daring to breathe not wanting to break Xander’s concentration. Mine and Avery’s hands are intertwined, gripping the others so tightly that our fingers are white. Xander is frantic. He’s practically sweating as he types quickly and clicks buttons I didn’t even know existed. And just when it seemed like he might be getting somewhere more and more boxes of undeciphered code popped up. I’m close to being hopeless when Xander leans back in his seat.

“We’re back up and running,” Xander announces, “lights, buttons, connections, locks, everything.”

Avery and I squeal, hugging each other tightly. Relief floods through my body and I’m giddy with it. Xander stands up and breathes out slowly.

I kiss his cheek in affection and gratitude, platonically, “thank you Xander.”

“You’re welcome,” he says.

“I owe you a scone,” Jameson tells with a slap on the back.

“That, you do,” he nods with a wide grin.

“What do we tell the players?” Nash asks, reminding us that the game is still going and the players will be wondering what the hell just went on.

“Do we tell them the truth?” Xander asks.

“We don’t even know the truth,” Jameson tells him.

“Then we tell them what we know,” Avery says, “Nash?”

“You got it kid,” he nods.

Xander slides an arms around me.

“Sorry ‘bout that folks,” Nash drawls through the microphone, “brief technical snafu on our end, but we’re back. You still have sixty three minutes until dawn. As long as at least one team makes it down to the dock by the deadline, the rules still stand.”

It’s fine, everything will be fine. Three thousand seven hundred and eighty seconds left. I rest my head on Xander’s shoulder and he puts his head on mine. I think he’s the only thing that’s holding me up at the moment. If he weren’t I’m pretty sure my body would be some sort of odd shaped puddle of consumed thoughts on the carpet. Only one sentence goes through my head, over and over and over. I can’t wait to have my arms around Grayson again.

***

It’s almost sunrise when we make our way to the dock so we’ll be there for when the players make it out. If they make it out. I walk in between Xander and Nash, trying to keep up with their obscenely large leg strides. Avery and Jameson lead the way holding hands. My heart squeezes, it won’t be too long before I see Grayson again. I know it seemed stupid, we had only been apart for a few hours, but those hours had felt like weeks given all of the events that had taken place. Not to mentioned the long prolonging wait of which I couldn’t see or hear him.

And there was still something going around in my head. Something about him being with Lyra Kane for this long in such close proximity. It was grating at me, but I push the feelings down and bury them under a mound that I’m trying to ignore.

“Want to have a bet?” Xander ruffles my hair, stealing me from being consumed by my own thoughts.

I slap him away, “I’ve heard it’s dangerous to wager with a Hawthorne.”

“What’s my brother been telling you?” he asks.

“Mum’s the word,” I wink back, tapping my nose.

“What’s your bet on little brother?” Nash asks.

“What team will make it first,” Xander grins, mischievous glint in his eye.

His brotehr grins towards the sky, “had a feeling it might be.”

“I’m bias then,” I scoff.

“Okay so your Hearts,” Xander says.

“Hang on I never agreed to this bet,” I exclaim, holding my hands up to surrender.

“Whoever wins gets a scone,” he bribes me.

“That only benefits you,” Nash points out.

“Actually I would also benefit, I like scones,” I smile sheepishly,

“See? Who are you voting Nash?” Xander asks.

“I’ll go with Clubs, I’m rooting for Gigi,” Nash shrugs.

Xander nods, “that means I’m going with Diamonds.”

“You don’t have to,” I tell him.

“Yes I do, otherwise it’s uneven,” he says. I wasn’t going to argue.

“Who would your original vote gone to?” I ask.

He smiles at me, a cheeky glint in his eyes, “no one shall ever know.”

“What are you three wittering about,” Jameson says, interrupting the train of conversation as he turns around.

“Probably something better than the lovesick whispers you two are sharing,” Xander teases.

“Xand-“

The thumping of footsteps cut him off. It’s a race. Hearts and Diamonds are out. Savannah is the fastest, Rohan hot on her heels. Though Lyra takes them both over in a matter of seconds. She must be a runner. Would explain the to-die-for figure. Grayson is close behind her thought Odette trailed behind slightly, but for a woman of her age she’s doing remarkably well. They all arrive within milliseconds of each other, breathless and rosy-cheeked.

“Congratulations Diamonds and Hearts, you’ve made it,” Avery smiles.

“Where’s Clubs?” Savannah asks, its only then I notice how her longs blonde hair has been chopped off unevenly. It makes her look even colder than before, sending a chill down my spine

“Still playing,” Jameson says.

“Gray,” I breathe in relief, as he takes me into his arms.

Something about the hug feels unnatural maybe even slightly uncomfortable, but I brush it off. We’d both been awake for far too long. I couldn’t trust my judgement on this little sleep.

“You okay?” I murmur into his shoulder.

“Fine,” he replies, so only I can hear him.

“Good.”

It hit sunrise and something sinks in my stomach. Clubs haven’t made it. Gigi is out of the game. This is going to destroy her. We all wait in silence. All knowing Clubs have failed, all knowing the disappointment we’d have to see on their faces. My heart is thumping loudly in my chest, I can hear it in my ears. I grip onto Grayson’s hand tightly. I catch Lyra’s honey golden eyes. She looks me up and down as I narrow my eyes at her. I can’t read her body language towards me, it was difficult to make out what she was thinking or feelings. I turn away and try not to think too much of it.

There’s sound coming from the left of us and in the distance there are three figures. Everyone’s eyes snap to the three remaining players who’s hearts are probably all sinking in realisation that they were nit longer players in this game. Then I notice what’s in Knox’s arms or rather who… Knox is carrying a bleeding Gigi. My stomach twists. Grayson freezes beside me.

“Put her down,” Grayson says sternly, his voice commanding authority.

Immediately Knox gently places Gigi down, making sure she was stable before he completely let go. We rush to her side immediately. Grayson putting a protective arm around her shoulder, his eyes flitting between the gash on her head and her face.

“Oh god Gigi,” I murmur tentatively touching her bloodied head to assess how severe it is.

“I’m fine,” she winces, blinking back tears.

“You are not,” Grayson says, his voice hard almost empty, “you’re injured Gigi.”

“Who among us is not occasionally concussed?” she says happily.

“Our team is out of the game, go ahead say it we’be been eliminated,” Knox says turning to Avery.

She ignores him and approaches Gigi, “are you okay?”

She nodded with a smile laced with the pain he thought she could hide. Maybe it was invisible to the others, but not to me. I’ve been under the same mask she’s trying to hide behind now. I understand. Grayson keeps his arm around her and I keep my hand in hers. She squeezes my palm and I squeeze hers back. I’m here, I wanted to scream, I’m here for you.

“Diamonds and Hearts, you’re onto the next phase of the game. Clubs… there’s always next year,” Avery finally brings herself to say.

“Once a player, always a player,” Jameson adds.

***

I don’t leave Gigi’s side until Nash has patched her up properly. ‘Stay with her, please,’ Grayson had murmured after we’d shared a quick kiss. He’d had something to discuss back at the dock with Odette. And Lyra. So I did, I stayed by Gigi’s side through every wince, every hand squeeze, every stitch.

“All patch up darlin’,” Nash nods, tipping his cowboy hat towards her slightly.

“Thanks,” she smiles brightly, it’s an unnatural fluorescent brightness that she radiated. Too bright, too artificial.

“You feeling okay?” I make sure, looking at her head.

“Fine,” she replied, gently feeling over her stitches.

Before anyone can say anything else there is a sharp knock at the door interrupting the thread of conversation. Nash answers. Brady walks in. Something was off about that guy. I got a bad feeling when I was around that guy. Nash gets up to leave and as much as I want to stay, it’s not my place to and I know that.

“Holler if you need anything,” Nash tells Gigi.

“We’re not going far,” I reassure her.

“Don’t worry about me,” she beams up at me, though the smile doesn’t quite reach her eyes, “really I’m fine.”

“I think we both know that’s a lie,” I say, my voice so low I’m not sure if she can hear me.

The way her eyes soften, revealing an ounce of vulnerability, indicates she has, “can we talk later? Maybe on the boat back?”

“Of course we can,” I say, squeezing her hand in mine one last time, before standing up to leave her to talk to Brady.

She nods with a small smile which I return, then turn to follow Nash who’s holding eye contact with Brady intensely. As soon as we’re out of the room and a few paces down the corridor Nash blurts out, “I don’t trust him.”

“Neither do I,” I grimace, at least someone else had picked up on Brady’s sketchy vibes, “he gives me a weird feeling.”

“Same here kid,” he nods in reply, then pauses slightly before saying, “you go and find Gray, I’ll be close by if she needs me.”

I fumble over my words. How did he know again? He has to be some sort of mind reader. I make a mental note to discuss it with Xander.

“Are you sure?” I ask quietly.

“I’m sure,” he says, placing a brotherly hand in my shoulder, “I know you’re still worried, you’re horrible at hiding it.”

“Thanks Nash,” I chuckle, brushing hair out of my face,

“No worries kid,” he says, shooting me a lopsided grin as I rush off to reunite with Grayson.

***

The boat left for the mainland at noon, that was when Gigi, Knox and now Odette were leaving, as she traded her place for Brady’s. But the players had been told to try and get some rest before the next phase. I’d also been up all night and could feel myself growing tired, so Grayson and I were currently laying on our bed in each other’s arms. It feels nice to finally breathe a little. I don’t feel the weight of stress from my jealousy or guilt or worry, I just feel normal.

“Do you think Gigi will be okay,” I murmur into Grayson.

“Nash is used to patching up our ailments,” he responds, his tone a little distant. It made me iffy.

“Yeah but I mean after being cast out of the game,” I reply, “I know I wouldn’t feel great if I were in her position.”

“I don’t know,” he murmurs, blowing out a short breath.

“I’m worried about her,” I say quietly.

“Me too,” he whispers, “I’m really worried about her.”

“I think we’re going to talk later,” I tell him, hoping it might provide himnwith some sort of solace.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” I confirm, “I hope she might get whatever it is that’s hurting her off of her chest.”

“Make sure she’s okay for me, okay?” he makes sure, “no matter what.”

“Of course,” I say, a little confused. Why had he said it like that? Like something bad might happen? Like I might lose him? I brush off the feeling. I put it down to overreacting, as usual.

We fall into a long silence as I trace different shapes on chest with my finger tip. I slowly drag it along, with no specific shape in mind. A blank expression is present on his face and I can see he’s deep in thought. There’s something on his mind and I have a horrible feeling it has something to do with the unseen, unheard happenings of the grandest game.

“What’s on your mind?” I ask him, doe-eyed.

“Hmmm nothing,” he says, refusing to look me in the eye.

“You sure?” I press on.

“I’m sure,” he says, planting a kiss on my forehead.

The kiss was off and I could see something was bothering him but he didn’t want to tell me, I’d wait until he was ready. Even if it were forever.

“What was it like in there?” I ask, attempting to change the subject, “the game.”

“It really was the grandest game,” he whispers, “like nothing I’ve ever experienced before.”

“Really?”

“They outdid themselves thoroughly,” he says.

“I bet,” I nod, nuzzling further into him affectionately.

“You really couldn’t hear or see anything the whole time?” he asks, a hint of worry delicately woven into his tone. It was so brief you would’ve missed it if you didn’t know him. But I know Gray.

“Nothing, it was like hell,” I say with a small tired laugh, “it was killing me that I had no clue if you were okay.”

“I was fine,” he replied quickly, almost curtly.

“Well I know that now,” I yawn and feel my eyes begin to close slowly but I fight to keep them open.

“You’re tired,” Grayson says, the ghost of a smile faintly touching his lips.

I shake my head in denial, “no I’m not,” I protest, “not even a little bit.”

“Go the sleep love,” he whispers.

“I want to talk to you though,” I pout, rubbing my eyes.

“We‘ll have plenty of time tomorrow,” he says, playing with my hair.

“Okay,” I murmur, letting myself fall into a dimension of much needed sleep, finally with my love back in my arms.

***

I wake up in the middle of darkness, though there is light desperately trying to make it through the black out blinds. I wonder how long I’d been asleep for, it couldn’t be past noon though. I’m aware of the coldness on the other side of the bed. Grayson wasn’t there. It wasn’t exactly uncommon. Usually when we were home, if it were the early hours he would either be swimming or having a wander and a read to make himself tired again.

I hear the door handle turn slowly and the sound of his all too familiar footsteps hitting the floor. I crawl out of bed, rubbing the sleep from my eyes, as I make my way toward him. Though as I do he stands still, frozen, like he can’t move. Concern latches onto my throat.

“Are you okay?” I whisper, tentatively touching his arm.

He recoils away quickly, like I’ve hit a tender nerve or a bruise of sorts.

“Are you hurt?” I ask worriedly

“No,” he murmurs, his voice stone cold.

It hurts a little more than it should, he’s never usually so blunt, so cutthroat. Not with me anyway.

“Where have you been?” I say, fishing for an honest reply.

He meets my eyes for the first time. Swimming in endless pools of grey is a mournful sorrow, “I’m sorry.”

His voice cracks. Grayson’s voice never cracks.

“Gray?” I say in a ghost of the whisper, the word not even feeling real once it is said. My pulse quickens suddenly and a large lump that I cannot swallow forms in my throat.

He’s pale, his face is regretful. Hollow. Lifeless. My heart sinks. I already know.

“Tell me,” I say, my voice shaking nearly breaking like weak houses in an earthquake.

He shakes his head glossy eyed, “I’m sorry. I never wanted to hurt you, I never meant for it to happen, I-“

“Tell me,” I grit through my teeth trying to prevent the thick emotion building up in my chest from overflowing.

There is a long pause. A deadly silence that seemed to last for days.

He parts his lips and utters the words, “I kissed her.”

It’s like a masked killer has dragged me from the comfort and safety of my own bed in the middle of the night, taken me into the thick of the wood where the vegetation is overgrown and no one will ever hear you scream. The part where it’s hard to see the sky or tell day from night and where no birds sing. And once we’re there, he takes a sharpened knife, laced with the most excruciating poison and slowly opens the left side of my chest, carefully ripping out my beating heart full of blood to destroy in his hands at his leisure. Grinning as her leaves my broken body to bleed out, dying heartless and lifeless. It’s like the person under that mask is Grayson. The one person I put all of my love and trust into. The one person who I thought would saved me from the masked killer is the masked killer. What a fucking joke.

“Who?” I ask, my tone low, dangerous, angry, “who did you kiss? I want to hear you say it.”

“I kissed Lyra,” he whispers, tears rolling down his cheeks, a state I’d never witnessed him in before. But right now I’m too broken to care.

My heart shatters into a million pieces on the spot. And then I am numb with agony.

a/n: so that was a fun ending :) hope you enjoyed part 2 my loves <33 and thanks to everyone who requested it, I’m sorry it took me so long to get around to it

NOTE I DONT THINK GRAYSON IS A CHEATER!! LIKE AT ALL. MY BABY WOULD NEVER!! but I thought I’d spice things up a bit yk, for the ✨drama✨

ALSO the de-coding thingy when the power went out if probs completely wrong on my part but I was allowed to drop computer science last year and I did ;) so I was just waffling, I know nothing about computers other than they can type, play music and they provide me with google and amazon

TIG masterlist

[fangirl-dot-com]

Chapter 3 - Head out the Window

After you were allowed to leave the building, you and Vito headed back to the hotel. Your heart was racing at what seemed to be a million miles per hour. You could barely focus on anything. The radio was too noisy, but not loud enough at the same time. The usual calming effect of the car was not doing its job. Your finger nails found solace in picking at the loose skin around your nails. You hadn’t even felt the car stop until Vito said it was time to get out. 

Yet, when you looked up, the hotel building was nowhere in sight. 

“Do you just plan to drop me off and see if I make it back to the hotel alive?” you quipped. He shook his head before gesturing to the small shop that stood in front of you. The big words Ice Cream stood out in the neon lighting. 

“I thought a little celebration was due.” He shrugged his shoulders. On this inside, you were practically melting at the mention of ice cream. It had been entirely too long since you had some. Your diet always came first, but as of right now, you weren’t on one. Celebrations were in store. Yes, you had one more race weekend, but ice cream was more important. 

You and Vito walked inside, a little bell announcing your presence. The worker behind the counter looked as though he didn’t even want to be there. But, he took your orders quickly and you both were in and out in less than 10 minutes. 

Not wanting to get back into the car, you found a little table to sit at. Sure, the table and chairs were off balance and probably hadn’t been cleaned in years, but it worked for the time being. 

“I still can’t believe you got chocolate of all flavors. It’s literally so basic,” you berated him as you licked at your own ice cream cone. 

Vito gave you a look. “It is not. It is a classic. And says the one who got the most boring flavor of cookie dough with sprinkles.” 

“At least it tastes good. Do you just like it or are you a picky eater?” You squinted your eyes and gave a smile. You thought you had gotten the last laugh as you got back to your ice cream. But a cold sensation on your nose startled you. Vito leaned back, laughing hysterically, while holding his ice cream that had a nose-shaped dent in it. 

You couldn’t help but laugh with him too as you tried to shove your ice cream in his face. He was much quicker though and was able to evade your attacks. 

Your breathes evened out a couple of minutes later, and a comfortable silence enveloped the two of you. Until you inhaled sharply.  

“Why didn’t you tell me? About the contact.” You looked over, eyes boring into his. You wanted the truth and not some half-assed answers. But, you knew that he wouldn’t do that. Not about a discussion like this. 

He finished his ice cream before answering. 

“Because I know you. You would have driven yourself into the ground with training and overthinking if you had known there was a possibility that there might have been an offer.” 

You did not answer, because you knew he was right. If there was even a slight glimmer of hope for a 2024 seat, it didn’t even have to be with a big team, you would have gotten stuck in your head. The overthinking would have taken over, and it might have cost you your championship. 

“You’re one of the best drivers out there Y/n. You just need to realize that.” He put a hand on your shoulder as you turned to him. 

“Thank you. Again, for everything. I hope you know that this means I’m not getting rid of you.” You shone a smile at him. You couldn’t image a life without him. He was there for you for all of your accomplishments. What you didn’t know is that he felt the same way. Vito always thought that you were the daughter he never got. And he was thankful for you as well. 

“Never kid, never.” 

Your ice cream had dripped all over your hand by now. Sighing, you tried to clean up the mess. Soon enough, your ice cream and cone were gone. 

Vito looked over to you, “We better head back to the hotel. You have a couple of busy days coming up.” 

You only nodded as you used stood from the outside chair, the metal scraping against the concrete. 

“When do you think I’ll get to meet them?” you ask as you climb back into the car. 

“Meet who kid?” Vito responded as the car came to life. You quickly put on your seatbelt before he carefully pulled out of the parking spot. 

“You know…Max and Checo?” You nervously twirled your fingers. What would they think of you? You know that Checo wouldn’t have much thought, or would he – since you were the one taking his seat. Maybe he thought that Red Bull could have chosen better. 

Max was who you were most nervous about. His teammate would no longer be older than him, or have more experience. He would be paired with a rookie, in both experience and age. Six years younger and no previous chances in Formula 1. And to put a cherry on top, a female. All that he knew in a teammate, would be gone and reconstructed. 

“They’re both nice. I don’t think you’ll have any problems with either of them kid.” 

“Will I have to call Max, Mr. Verstappen? Since he’s older and such.” 

Vito let out a giant laugh, shoulders shaking as he pulled up to a red light. The bright crimson shone on two of you. 

Once he had stopped laughing, Vito was able to say, “No kid. I don’t think so.” 

You sighed in relief. They were older yes, but not that much older. Oscar was only two years older than you. However, you might have to call Fernando Mr. Alonso. The age gap was considerably larger. 

Would you even make friends on the grid? Or would they avoid you to stay out of the media. You bet that the moment you’re seen with one of them, dating rumors would spread. And you didn’t want to upset them, or the grid’s respective girlfriends. You shuddered at the thought. 

The rest of the drive was silent. You figured that tomorrow would go well. You would be fitted for a Red Bull suit and would be given the green light to drive your first F1 car. 

The first.

It had a nice ring to it. 

The drive continued on for a bit. You leaned up and pressed the power button for the radio. The distinct sound of “What Makes You Beautiful” filled the vehicle. Your grin grew as you started to sing the familiar lyrics. Vito smiled as well, more-so mouthing the words while you all but screeched. 

“BABY YOU LIGHT UP MY WORLD LIKE NO BODY ELSE!,” you sang along with the well-known boy band. Your window suddenly was rolled down. You had the grand idea to stick your head out the window.

“YOU DON’T KNOW, OH-OH, THAT’S WHAT MAKES YOU BEAUTIFUL!” The wind picked up your hair and pushed it back into your face. Sure, it was now sticking to your lip gloss, but right now you didn’t care. Until you pulled up to another red light, and there were multiple guys in the car next to you. You flashed an embarrassed smile before clamoring back into the car. Your finger could not find the button for the window any faster. 

Across from you, Vito had started laughing again with full body shakes. For the life of you, your window would not go up. Looking over, you could see Vito’s finger pressed down on the button for your window. You reached across the dash and swatted at his hand, desperately trying to get your window rolled up. 

Finally, the tinted thing slowly but surely reached the top of the window. You looked over at Vito with a look of betrayal. You reach over and hit his shoulder. He, in comparison, is still shaking with laughter. 

“You bitch!” you barely shouted, the words covered by giggles. Ok, it was kind of funny, but not really. “I literally just embarrassed myself in front of those boys.” 

“They probably thought you were very pretty,” he said, snickering. You could only look in disbelief at your manager. You refused to look back over until you knew that the car had definitely passed. Your arms were crossed and lip in a pout for the remainder of the drive. 

Vito looked over at you. “Don’t be like that kid. It was all in good fun.” 

You mumbled back, “For you sure.” The pout however was relaxed and a grin replaced it. You couldn’t be mad at him for very long. It had been a while since you were allowed to have a bit of fun. 

Winning races was fun, but that was your job, that took up most of your year and free time. You never noticed how far the drive way the first time. A yawn escaped your mouth and your hand quickly came up to cover it. You definitely needed to sleep well tonight.  

Thankfully, the car came to a halt in front of the hotel. Vito turned to you as you unbuckled your seatbelt. 

“You better get some good sleep. Tomorrow is going to be fun but exhausting.” 

You mocked a salute and said, “Sir, yes sir. You have a good night as well. See you in the morning?” 

“Yes, I will. Goodnight kid.” 

“Night Vito.” You shut the door and watched as he went to park the car. Why he didn’t use the complementary valet, you hadn’t a clue. But that wasn’t your problem. 

You were quickly let into the building once you scanned your card. The people at the front desk greeted you as you made your way to the elevator. It didn’t take long for it to ding, signaling your arrival to your floor. The pristine carpet led you to your white hotel room door. 

Using the card again to get into the room, you opened the door once the lock had whirred.

The sight of your bed almost had you in tears. The stress of today was now hitting you as you walked to the bed. Following in George Russel’s F1 intro footsteps, you put your arms out and fell face first into the soft top blanket. You could have honestly fallen asleep here, but you knew you needed to take off your makeup first. 

You let out a groan as your body protested moving. Your skin care and toiletries had already been set out, since you used them earlier to freshen up after the flight. 

Deciding not to do every single step to your skin care routine, you took out the micellar water and a reusable cotton round. Once your makeup was off, you quickly washed your face and changed into some pajamas. 

Funny enough, they consisted of some shorts and a Red Bull shirt that you had been given during Dams’ Christmas gift exchange. It had come from Ollie and Arthur both, but you knew that Arthur wouldn’t be caught buying anything with the RB logo on it. 

Now he’d have to get used to it. 

Oh my gosh. What would Arthur think. 

Were you allowed to tell your best friend? You guessed that he could find out early, but you didn’t want to get in trouble for anything just yet. He could find out with the rest of the world. Maybe you could ask Christian if you could tell him the night you posted something before Red Bull came out with an official statement.

Before bed, you found yourself scrolling through Twitter and Instagram. A couple of posts made you laugh out loud. You caught your finger hovering over some posts that talked about “connecting the dots” that were scarily accurate. What you would give to like at least one to send Twitter into a frenzy. But, you withdrew your finger and decided to jump onto TikTok. 

A few videos made you chuckle. Especially the McLaren one of Lando and Oscar trying to build card houses. Lando’s goggles were hilarious. 

To think that in a couple of months, they would be your “co-workers.” That was terrifying. At least you had met Charles a couple of times through Arthur. He was…nice. You hadn’t really spoken to him much the last time you saw him at Arthur’s birthday party. If anything, you think you might have said a maximum of 10 words to him the entire night. 

But that was a start. 

You eventually scrolled through almost all of the new posts. Looking over, you noticed that the clock read 12:30 a.m. Quickly, you set an alarm for the next morning before putting your phone on the charger. 

Vito would kill you in the morning if you hadn’t slept well. You closed your eyes and fell asleep, dreaming of the life you were able to be thrown into. 

At least you could get a red bull if you were tired.  

(Your story)

(Vito's story [I know it'd be impossible to take this picture if he was driving but just imagine :)] )

Tag List : @awekbachira @lightdragonrayne

[anika-ann]

GG Steve and A, I, and/or R??

Well hello, Ro, sorry that this took so embarrassingly long 🥲

Here are some dirty thoughts from this game concerning my beloved Gentle Giant Stevie from Love on the Brain in scrambled order... you'll find the dirtiest and longest at the bottom (is this a pun? it's a bad pun). Technically, the you is his partner in every sense of the word aka Sparkles, but it can be read independently of the series.

Thots under cut. Warnings: they are 18+, okay- also there's very little editing, it's a headcanon, not an essay.

R - Routine (do they have a routine when it comes to picking up one night stands? do they have scheduled sex with their partner? are things spontaneous or planned ahead of time?)

One-night stands are no-no. Very much no no and they were even before he met you… but where scheduled sex is concerned the answer is also no. With your crazy schedules, it might make sense to try to plan so you can squeeze in some intimate together time, but with emergency missions… not so much. Things keep getting in the way (cough cough, there might be a ‘drabble’ about them getting actually frustrated at the lack of closeness and sexual encounters of theirs in general due to schedule conflicts). So spontaneity usually wins – certainly in a way of appreciating every moment you catch together. It doesn’t always have to be sexual per se, but it often ends up that way 😏 You had two years of pent-up sexual tension, can anyone blame you??? Not to mention that adrenalin and emotions can sometimes fly high, so if there is something routine-like, it’s winding down together after a mission, be it sweet and tender, all desperate hungry kisses with clashes of teeth, grasping and grabbing and fuck me we are alive, or celebratory god damn you were hot and capable and badass today. Does that count as a routine? One routine thing though; Steve is a man with a plan. Just because he doesn’t necessarily schedule sex, he is using his strategic mind to find windows in your calendar so you find time to be together. To take you out for a date for dinner, for a bike ride, or just lie under the stars and cuddle. Sure, these things often do result in intimacy of all kinds, but that man has a heart larger than his already impressive body and you fill a huge portion of it; it’s only fair you take up his time too.

P.S. The man is not only a planner but an overthinker often. Remember when it took you forever to sleep together for the first time? He ran his mind over thousands of scenarios, planned everything he’d say, everything he’d do, guessed how you’d react (and had some alone time over that a lot),how many times he’d get you off before he starts counting the times he will. Because he wants to treat you right and the one moment when you admitted a guy had been after getting you to bed and then instantly fled the so-called relationship since he got what he wanted is ingrained in his brain and he’ll do everything in his power to show you that he’s not him. Even if it means blue balls or might result in a supersoldier carpal tunnel issues.

Which gets us to:

A - Alone time (how do they get off when they’re all by themselves? do they watch porn, is it all in their imagination, do they jerk off, do they use toys?)

I’ll start with the last one: nah. There is no way he got his hands on toys in his original time and he was doing just fine and he doesn’t need them now. How would he even get them without half the globe learning about it? No thank you. He’s got hands. Two big hands. If you ever express interest in him using toys on you, he is all game and will get off on watching you squirm and nearly lose your mind to pleasure – which he will try to replicate on his own because dammit he will not have some toy satisfy you better, at least make it a cooperation dammit – but not on himself. Not when alone.  

Steve’s a sensual, visual guy. He imagines a lot, but feels rather bad jerking off to a specific person, because it feels rather… invasive and unfair. So his mind conjures images, perhaps a combination of actual memories of voices and visuals (and yes, some inspiration might have come from porn, but he doesn’t downright puts on an adult movie and gets on it, nope), perfumes and scents, images of hands smaller than his on him he can mimic by his own touch and that is what gets him going… and off. If he has the time. He doesn’t have a problem with a quick work in a shower (which often is a solution and I know I share this headcanon with someone, cough cough).

The problem starts when you join. Because A, his need of alone time increases exponentially and B, his mind just. Wouldn’t let go. He’s damn ashamed of it, because you are friends and your friendship is sweet and teasing and maybe there’s a little bit of flirting, and the act itself feels like defiling you, but well, there’s the fact that he would like to defile you. He has so many memories of you filling his senses that get him off, even if they come from workout or from movie night or from perfectly innocent hugs. He feels like a creep and it’s utterly disrespectful to you, but he can’t help it. He tries to relief his conscience by not actively starting with imagining you.

In that sense, it is a real liberation to him when you get together, because he might need a lot of alone time then too before you take your relationship to that level, but at least his conscience is clean even as his mind is filthy.

Speaking of filthy mind… drabble-ish thots ahead.

I - Impact play (here’s where talking about things like spanking, paddles, canes, floggers and the like.) - not me having to google stuff on this

My instant reply was no. NOT STEVE. No violence in any form in the bedroom, not in intimacy. Violence is for battlefield, for missions. For training to a point, and even there he’s careful not to hurt you. When in bed, he might hold you a little too tight, grab a little too harsh, knead and squeeze and maybe suck enough to bruise when you feel just so good and he’s losing himself in you, losing control, but no hitting or slapping or-- nope. He earned the nickname of a Gentle Giant for a reason he might be sensual to a point of filthy, but if he hurt you (even if you asked), he couldn’t look himself in the eye in the mirror.

BUT ALSO.

He’s a handsy man. He does adore drowning all his senses in you, he loves exploring his lover’s body with all he has and he simply loves to touch at all times, feel the softness and warmth and slick, every curve, the thundering of your heartbeat under your skin with his fingertips or lips. To taste you where you let him. Inhale the scent your perfume, your arousal, the heady smell of sex in the air. To listen to the little or not so little noises, swallow them and let them melt on his tongue. To watch.

And that’s when it happens.

He didn’t mean to do it. He did not, and he’s horrified for a split second, because fuck he did not just- You were riding him. A glorious sight, pretty flushed face with slightly love-bitten lips and pupils blown with pleasure, breasts bouncing, muscles straining and little overworked from having mostly earned that previous orgasm on your own besides his lazy strokes over your clit and feeling where you were joined; you stilled for just a moment to get precious air into your lungs, breathy sounds of his name falling from your parted lips, so gorgeously fucked out and still needy for him and he could feel you so close again, his hand spread over your breast, over your hip, gripping and kneading your ass, your thigh and you were almost there, fluttering around him and he wanted one more, sweetheart, gimme one more, wanna feel you and he---

He meant to tap your thigh in encouragement when you started moving again, chasing your peak and it turned out to be more of a full-palm slap over the tempting curve of your ass and it was an accident, Steve would swear it.He froze, his thoughts faster than the reaction of your body, mind already flaring with horror and anxiety by the time your body caught up with what he had done nd had not meant to do and you-

You squeezed his cock so hard he felt it in his throat and he nearly choked, but mainly felt his groin spasm as you lost yourself to pleasure and all it took was a few rapid thrusts into your spasming burning heat and he was done for. Your juices coating his balls. His mouth slanting over yours on instinct even as the keen you released was the single lewdest soundhe had ever coaxed from you and his balls might be empty, but his chest is full of pride and his brain empty of thought but full of question marks, new fantasies and an image of you etched into his memory forever.

Your hips are still jerking minutely on instinct, your face now hidden in his shoulder, chest heaving beautifully against his, his lips kissing anywhere they can reach and holy damn. His hands grow softer, more comforting than exploring, mouth whispering sweet nothings even as they want to ask questions. You’ll tell him; he hopes you will. If there was one thing you were learning fast, it was communication; the last time you failed to communicate on a massive scale about how you felt, you ended up longing and lusting after one another for about two years. He’d rather not wait that long.

But he doesn’t press; in return, you press to him, peek at him shyly and kiss his lips sweetly, climbing off him only to settle in his lap anyway and hug him close, finger drawing non-sensical pattern on his shoulder and back until you both rise and rinse the sweat and other juices off your bodies in a shower together.

Only when in fresh sheets – the previous ones were beyond saving, at least for the night – when held close in his arms, gentle hands mapping out the familiar, and with sleep evading you despite the sleepiness and comfort of each other’s embrace, you confessed.

“I… I think I really liked it because I—I know you’d never hurt me,” you admit softly, earning a thoughtful hum at the half explanation.

“I didn’t mean to do it. I didn’t expect that reaction either, but I’d never do it without asking first. You know that, right?”

“I know. That’s what I mean, GG. I trust you…” you remind him softly, even as you teeth worry over your still kiss-swollen lower lip. “But if you… liked it too, you can do it again. Sometime. I… you didn’t mean to do it, I get that, but you let yourself get lost in the moment. With me. You lost- you let go of control a bit… for me. You let go because you feel comfortable enough with me to do that. That means a lot to me. And… you feeling so good with me that you… lose it and take what you need – without hurting me besides a little fading red mark or a tiny bruise – makes me feel pretty damn powerful and proud too. Really wanted and desired… pretty golden.”

The admissions hang heavy in the air, your whole body buzzing with nerves, a little voice in your head sleazily whispering of judgement. Your Gentle Giant, looking at you with disdain, even as what you confessed weren’t all that scandalous. The things you had encountered in your BAU days made this look about as freaky as wearing a little lace. And yet… your body buzzes with nerves and a little thrill and the chances of falling asleep now are precisely zero.

The voice falls silent the second Steve turns you in his arms so you face him and you find him watching you with his smile warm, eyes blown wide and curious – and everything but tired just like you.

“I do trust you too,” he whispers, fingertips brushing your cheekbone, strand of hair from your face, eyes roaming your face until they fall a little lower, as if in shame. Even in the limited light, you can tell his face is burning too. “Where-- I’d always ask, but--- and never with force, I don’t want to hurt you, and never your face, I--- but if I ever… where?”

Your heart thunders in your ribcage. You gulp as with his every word, it leaps into your throat too, your body brimming with nervous energy. But he watches with such genuine curiosity and excitement, the plans no doubt already whirling in his head, the strategist, the planner, the lover, the pleaser… the little shit. Your GG.

Your face is aflame, your hand shakes a little as you take his and it’s both anxiety and arousal, something scalding hot pulsing in your core again, when you lead that hand to set on your bare hip.

His gaze is dead set on yours, watching your reaction; you know he picked up on your quickened breathing, as you guide his hand over the globe of your ass, over your outer thigh, skim over the front to slip on the inside, heading higher, under his hand is cupping your sex.

His gaze is smouldering. You nervously lick your lips, escaping the cage of his gaze because you cannot bear it anymore, a little whisper of shame returning to back of your head, but the moment you look away, his free hand – the other is still touching you – slides under your chin, thumb brushing over your lips. The thumb of his other hand does the same as he slips under your panties and moves to your slick sex and slightly swollen and oversensitive bundle of nerves. Erection poking your thigh. Mouth against yours, whispering.

“Good to know, sweetheart…” Rough. His voice is so rough and husky and his lips are slick and warm and filthy. “Anything for ya’. Love ya so much… got me so hard for you again… the things you do to me, I swear-”

He clearly picked up more than on you just liking just the touch alone; the filthy praise spills from his lips, empowering, and the late night finds you tangled in the sheets once more, languid deep kisses that consume you, the connection forged by a secret revealed, secret shared, whispering between you about next time, even as now is all that matters, all you feel.

Steve is an observant man; he still needs confirmation ahead, but he learns the signs. It’s not something you engage in often, but he recognizes that soft mewly quality to your sighs now, the special glint in your eyes barely even hinting you need it; and he gives. And since he has consent, he lets himself lose control with you a little bit more too.

-.-.-.

Ro, I think I read too many of your wonderful replies to this game that I adopted the manner in which you write them. Ehm. I hope that's okay with you.

Thank you for the ask 💕 It took forever, but it was fun ✨

[dyne-osaur]

might be rambling this might mean nothing but omg has anyone thought about how a huge thing™ in dead boy detectives is how women were wronged ?? (and also not just women who were wronged but boys who were shitty assholes but in this essay i am focusing on how women were wronged) am i looking too much into it.. (this is prob not intentional and i am overthinking as per usual but like)

spoilers duh

also this got really long i apologize

so in episode 1 we meet crystal who is basically like the catalyst for everything happening right and this is kinda obvious but like the whole kinda happens because her toxic demon ex bf stole her memories (fuck you david) and like? that was a horrible thing to happen to her and he sucks boo >:( and also throughout the whole show she has to deal with his shittiness and whatnot

and also in episode 1 we obviously see becky aspen who is like a child (specifically a little girl) who was kidnapped by esther (who also only goes after girls like hello?) and about to be fed to her giant snake which like ?? hey now,,, and they have to go in and save her and i feel like it's kinda important esp with the last episode ("she killed hundreds of little girls to stay young; who gets justice for them?" or smth) like it's built on the backbone of women who were wronged

in episode 2 with the dandelion sprites we have niko who lost her dad and her mom wants her to just be better and the sprites literally like infected(?) her while she was trying to feel better or smth (prob a bit of a stretch ngl) so we don't rly see much of this in episode 2

in episode 3 the most obvious thing of all is that the devlin guy murdered his entire family (his wife and two daughters) because he was a bitch and hated that they wanted to leave him which like ?? okay fragile male ego (as crystal so eloquently puts it) like these girls felt haunted by him in life and even in death they were stuck in a loop getting killed by him over and over and over because of his fear they would leave them. he was controlling and abusive and a creep and in the end he killed them. (obviously this episode has other important themes like how charles' trauma is reflected in this and his emotional response to devlin and the horror of controlling/abusive family members but i feel like there's smth to be said with how women keep getting wronged in this show idk)

in episode 4 we get crystal who is still dealing with the effects of her lost memories and her desperation to find her mom (we all know how that turned out) and importantly we get the stuff in the gift shop (specifically lillith and ig the washer woman)

the washer woman is washing away the blood of humanity yadda yadda (she's a rly interesting character i love her) and like when she and crystal are left alone crystal is desperately trying to find how she can have her lost memories and past back and the washer woman gives her that riddle to help her smth smth (basically crystal's memories)

lillith is more introduced here as the goddess of wronged women (and blood magic) (this is self-explanatory i hope)

in episode 5 (this one i feel is also obvious) we get those charming-but-actually-really-shitty jocks who died because maren (brad's gf) murdered them because they were being really horrible. we get shelby who killed herself because they drugged her and ruined her entire life and her future and everything and even in death the boys (though i love them, this was a fault of theirs) were skeptical because the jocks were just so charming

and then we get maren who invites crystal over because of her fear that she would get caught when she was trying to protect herself and she made a(n albeit huge) mistake. brad sent her nudes to his bff richie and they never thought they were in the wrong like hello? i was like wtf but anyways they practically ruined the lives of these girls (maybe not maren because they never fully got out but they could've and either way she ended up turning herself in from her guilt and stuff)

(also note: crystal says "we all lost our lives to boys who went too far" and like.. a big thing™ from my perspective is also how men/boys go too far e.g. the schoolboys (edwin and charlies) and david (crystal) and also the jocks and devlin and later esther's husband and arguably the cat king (don't come at me i actually love him towards the end but for more info check out this post i love their take on him) etc. there's probably more i just can't think of them atm)

in this episode we also meet maxine for like a second(?) time (first being devlin murders in ep 3) where she obviously wronged jenny by stalking her and she doesn't see what's wrong with what she did when she literally tried to murder her, she stalked her, she's apparently done this MULTIPLE times (smth ab this happening "again" which ? oml) and jenny feels horrible about this because she put herself out there for once and she got hurt. and at the end of this episode we see them all hang out and of course david comes back because crystal can't catch a break but back to the topic jenny was almost killed by maxine who did a horrible thing to her

episode 6 we finally hear tragic mick's story. sedna was literally a girl who got sacrificed by her dad because he thought it would help. she was a woman wronged out of the many women wronged on this show and she became a goddess for her trauma yay?? but at the core of that backstory was sedna who was a woman wronged by her father. (and ofc tragic mick and how he became human POOR GUY)

we also have crystal who finally has a way to get david out of her head (did anyone notice it doesn't break till she says "i just wish i could be normal" or smth which is prob kinda why she lost her powers?) all of this has been culminating since the beginning and then later he comes back and he's taunting her and yelling at her for giving up "the one thing that made you special" (come on man :|) she does get her powers back later though yippie (and sees her badass ancestors)

and jenny who is still dealing with the trauma is obviously upset throughout the episode because yk maxine was crazy

episode 7 we have the boys in hell but to keep in theme we have crystal who feels horrible that charles won't let her help and she just goes out to get david to open a gate and jenny follows. jenny then gets violated as david literally possesses her and we get kinda the climax and then the resolution of david and crystal as she realizes her power and takes her memories back and buries him because he was a horrible horrible person to her (and also the comments he made were so creepy like "i want to get back inside you" "let me back in" WHAT THE HELL no way that wasn't intentionally creepy)

and then jenny (poor jenny) has to deal with the fact that she has now been possessed and has to deal with all this creepy shit like can homegirl catch a break goddamn (and speaking of jenny we see maxine on the stairs still clueless to what she did wrong MAXINE OPEN YOUR EYES)

crystal eats her memories

episode 8 she finds out she was a horrible person and her past was not as great as she thought it would be. she treated her friends and strangers badly and she wakes up and she feels horrid. and she thinks it will get better and she calls her mom and her parents did her dirty. they neglected her (didn't even REALIZE she was MISSING) and didn't do shit for her and she probably acted out for attention (in horrible ways i am in no way defending what she did btw but she can be a horrible person and changed as a person crystal they could never make me hate you) and she swallows the rest of her memories and finds out that she was not the person she wanted to be

in episode 8 we also find out esther's backstory. the big bad of it all and i think a huge point in the story is how at the core of it all was a woman who was wronged and turned horrible for it. her husband cheated on her and she killed him but then she couldn't get enough and just wow. just to me the fact that at the core of the story is a woman who was horribly treated and as a result turned into a horrible person (and kind of parallel to crystal who was horribly treated (by her parents and by david) and she finds she can still turn things around and be good) and esther is too far gone as she yk decides to continue being evil

in episode 8, the end of it all, we see that turning point where crystal goes into esther's head and summons lillith. the goddess of wronged women. we see her as crystal yells that esther has been tormenting girls, WRONGING WOMEN, for decades (centuries?). we see the rage in lillith's face as she turns her stare on esther for skewing the gift that lillith gave to a woman scorned. we see lillith drag esther out of the house screaming and AGH i love that so much idk

but yeah those are my thoughts on the amount of women i just saw wronged and this could all mean nothing and i could be very insane and crazy but ! whatever !

[starwell-tarot]

What are stans of different Stray Kids members like? A tarot reading ✨

Hello stay! This is the Skz version of the social experiment i did for Ateez: what are fans of different Ateez members like? A tarot reading ✨

It is a social experiment where I ask my cards three questions per member:

1. What are the stans of the member like in general?

2. What do stans of the member all have in common?

3. What about the member's personality attracts his stans to stan him?

And then we see how different the stans are from the idol themselves and discuss! Like last time, you guys are the judges if this is accurate or not! Let me know who you stan and if you find it accurate or not! Let's get to know each other 🖤

Disclaimer: This is for fun purposes only and should be treated as such. Tarot can absolutely be wrong.

TW: mentions of anxiety, struggles and insecurities

Bang Chan stans: The weight lifters

or mini bang chans to be more accurate

How are Chan stans like in general? // The fool R, Ace of Wands R, The Devil

Chan stans constantly feel like they're stuck between a rock and a hard place. They want to go out there and live their lives to the fullest but something is always holding them back. They want so badly to be spontane and reckless, at least once, but their fears always pull them back. They tend to overthink the consequences of all of their actions and they somehow always convince themselves their lives should be lived according to a perfectly crafted plan. One that doesn't really satisfy their heart's desires, unfortunately.

What do Chan stans have in common? // X of Wands R

Chan stans are always carrying way too much weight on their shoulders. They convince themselves they're responsible for way too many things, or take on way too many tasks or burdens. They have difficulties with putting themselves first and they're always tired, albeit it's doubtful if they actually show how exhausted they are to others.

What about Chan's personality attracts Chan stans? // King of Wands R

His leadership qualities is what pulls people in - he makes people feel safe and looked after, like he has the back of both his members and his fans, and every decision he makes is for the best of everyone. Besides being a protective figure, he also inspires his stans to be strong willed like him, achieve self-discipline and calm under stressful situations and learn to be caretakers themselves, too.

Chan stans might have prominent Aquarius, Capricorn, Leo, Aries, Sagittarius placements in their natal chart.

Lee know stans: The lone rangers

How are Lee know stans like in general? // The Chariot R

Lee know stans might have a cold and tough exterior. On the outside they appear like they have it all together, everything is under control and there's nothing they would ever fear. The truth is obviously not like that, but they have a tendency to hide their hurt and choose to struggle on their own even if they are completely lost in life. They are probably the type of people to raise and parent themselves. They are forever on a quest for self expansion and once they pick a road to go down on, they never stray.

What do Lee know stans have in common? // Queen of Wands

Lee know stans are powerful, and most likely aware of it. They are bold, honest and extremely strong willed. They usually never play small and are very stubborn. Still, even if they appear quite fierce, they're generous to the people around them and they have a very magnetic personality.

What about Lee know's personality attracts lino stans? // VII of Wands

In simple words, Lee know stans get attracted to his mental strength and power to persevere. Lee know stans usually get overwhelmed or lonely fighting all their fights all by themselves, and Lee know makes them feel like they're not alone. He gives them strength and helps them get motivated. He especially motivates them to keep moving - when something is wrong, change it; when you feel you're lacking something, change it; when you're lost, reorganize. Lee know stans learn a lot from him about how to prepare for the future or how to grow stronger. Furthermore, Lee know stans probably feel Lee know is the perfect friend they'd wish they could go to when they're weak and weary.

Lee know stans might have prominent Cancer, Aries, Sagittarius, Leo placements

As a lino stan this read me a little bit too well 😡

Changbin stans: The pursuers

How are Changbin stans like in general? // X of Cups, VII of pentacles

Changbin stans are hard working and persistent, usually patient beings with a positive mindset. They don't hold back when they invest themselves in something, and love to nurture big ideas into becoming reality. They follow their heart and their happiness in life, but they're also oriented towards looking after their loved ones - for they don't really treasure material things as much as they treasure spiritual and emotional abundance, offering care and love to others. The people they love - be it friends, family or others, fuel them to a brighter tomorrow and being a better, stronger person.

What do Changbin stans have in common? // II of wands

Changbin stans all are obsessed with self expansion. They are never satisfied and want more and more - they're hungry to become an even better person, stronger, wiser. They want to keep learning more, keep trying out new things, keep expanding their minds and horizons. They will never want to stop growing as a person. Every opportunity is a potential accomplishment of something one can only imagine, and it's better to try and fail rather than regret never trying.

What about Changbin's personality attracts Changbin stans? // Page of Wands

His rebellious, outside of the box creative thinking alongside his go getter attitude is very attractive to Changbin stans. They love how he takes chances and shots in the dark with confidence, fuelled by pure passion and fire. He seems so hungry for life, so committed to himself and doesn't care his 'normal' seems 'weird or different' to others. He's living his own truth, and he won't stop forging his own path anytime soon! His enthusiasm breathes life (as well as courage and strength!) into his fans.

Changbin stans might have prominent fire placements or pisces & Taurus placements in their natal chart.

Hyunjin stans: The storytellers

How are Hyunjin stans like in general? // VI of cups R

There's something very nostalgic about Hyunjin stans. Perhaps their hearts never hardened as they grew up, and they still have the same child like innocence and sensitivity, instead of growing into a hard-shell adult. Perhaps the way they move, dress or their preferences remind you of older times, of royal families or old forgotten trends. Or perhaps Hyunjin stans themselves prefer to live inside of their memories, and nostalgia is a sweet feeling to them, not a bad one. Nevertheless, the presence of Hyunjin stans always makes you think they have stories of old to tell.

What do Hyunjin stans have in common? // V of Pentacles

Hyunjin stans are no strangers to pain and heartbreak. Be it mental or emotional distress, they've withstood a lot in their lives and still continue to, with courage and hope in their hearts. Their strong will and empathy also makes them a good shoulder to cry on, and they're always in search of communities where they can also feel emotionally safe and protected.

What about Hyunjin's personality attracts Hyunjin stans? // The Moon R

He's a sensitive and emotional man, and he doesn't run away from his emotions. He's not afraid of them and he accepts and understands them as a part of him. Hyunjin stans adore this about him. Hyunjin most likely makes them feel safe about their own emotions and gives them comfort. He's probably taught his fans to offer themselves self-validation and not dehumanize themselves anymore. As a bonus, Hyunjin stans also find him to be very dreamy.

Hyunjin stans might have prominent Scorpio, Pisces, Taurus placements in their natal chart.

Han stans: The brave scaredy cats

I was two seconds away from naming you guys Courage the cowardly dog or Shaggy from Scooby Doo istg I'm so mean 😂

How are Han stans like in general? // IV of cups, queen of wands

Han stans are the type of people that would prefer feeling the soft tickle of hiding underneath a blanket rather than the bustling of life. Life has left them disappointed, or maybe hurt, so they created their own little bubble in which they like to live in, their place of comfort. They're probably often scared; scared of trying new things, scared of failing, scared of the unknown, that's why they always search for that comfort and safety of being at home, in familiar places or with familiar people. They cherish the inner workings of their mind the most.

But don't get it twisted, since if they spend most of their time inside their heads, that makes them extremely creative. Their true power stands in this genius they carry, and the stubbornness along with it. They might be scared, but their will is so strong they'll push through it, while others view them as a confident, charismatic person they can't help but admire.

What do Han stans have in common? // V of cups, Strength

Their biggest anxieties might come from their fear and resistance to change, and they might be clinging to familiarity with claws, afraid of ending up hurt or in a loss like they have before; but when the time comes to fight against life's obstacles, they're actually the bravest warriors. Perhaps knowing the inside of their psyche so well allows them to find that silver lining every time, to be their own cheerleaders and biggest supporters. Perhaps being aware that they're scared is what makes them so powerful, in fact.

What about Han's personality attracts Han stans? // The star

Jisung's presence is pure healing for his fans. Maybe it's because he understands their struggles, or maybe it's just his gentle nature, but Han empowers his fans and heals and cleanses them of all the dirt and wounds they gather from the rest of the world. They strive to be confident like him, and want to fight and grow alongside him until everyone can find their inner peace.

Ok, Yoda

No but like you guys are so cute, the Minho stan urge to protecc

Han stans might have prominent Cancer, Scorpio, Aquarius placements in their natal chart, or fire placements.

Felix stans: The energy balls

Pokeballs? sorry

How are Felix stans like in general? // X of cups R, IV of wands, The world

Felix stans are energetic and positive beings. They wish to always be able to keep their mind optimistic, their lives filled with laughter and smiles. Their loved ones are very important to them and social fulfilment is what they hold closest to their heart. They want to celebrate the love they have for people at every turn, and keep them happy and cheer them on. They strive to live in the moment, and always want to be doing what makes them happy, following their heart. Their presence most likely makes people feel comfortable and they might be big foodies. They might get hurt easily in social situations though, and might strive to please others to a point of self detriment; they might also have issues with life not matching up to the fantasies inside their minds and that causing them disappointment.

What do Felix stans have in common? // Ace of Wands R, Temperance

Felix stans might have issues balancing out their desire for commitment with their impatience. Their ideas are big, their desires equally grand, but it's like they want everything done right now and here; they oftentimes find themselves running out of patience when they have to grow out something, try and fail at something a lot, constantly put in effort for new beginnings. I also feel most Felix stans are on a journey of learning self fulfilment and self care, but they get very frustrated over their lack of growth or very often think they're not doing enough - thus discouraging themselves.

What about Felix's personality attracts Felix stans? // Queen of wands R, The high priestess R, X of swords R

I'm not saying this because the cards are unclear, I'm saying this because the high priestess points to mysticsm: Felix stans might not have a clear answer as to why they have chosen him. There was, perhaps, a magical or magnetic pull that couldn't be understood and didn't need to make sense. Felix arrived at the right moment, when he was needed most, to lift up the spirits and encourage people to get up and try again. He could be seen as a saviour by many, who helped people overcome even the most impossible obstacles and taught them that a few failures do not matter in the long run, and that dreams are never too far away to accomplish. Good things come to those who wait.

Felix stans might have prominent fire placements in their natal chart, or pisces, cancer, capricorn placements.

Seungmin stans: The builders

How are Seungmin stans like in general? // V of Cups

Seungmin stans are the architects of their own lives. They have this undeniable survivalist skill of building something out of thin air - they can build themselves a whole castle out of stray bricks other people would throw away. They know how to appreciate the details, the minorities - they can pay attention even to a grain of sand and find a use for it. When everything crumbles down and they're buried under the crushing weight or debris - they somehow find a way to use those scattered materials to build something greater, something better, until one day life will not just be about survival, and what they've build for themselves will offer them a safe kingdom forever.

What do Seungmin stans have in common? // X of Pentacles, VII of Wands R

Seungmin stans are the eye of the storm. They're calm under pressure, they're focused on rebuilding stability and making everything right again, every time something goes wrong. As the nimble problem solvers that they are, they are probably the pillar of their family or friend group. But the truth is, that deep down, they're terrified just like everyone else. Fighting obstacles is still taxing no matter how many times they do it. Having a mentality oriented on fixing things and providing doesn't mean they never feel the pain or loss. But somehow, they always find the power and courage to maintain their strong persona and fight through life with pride.

What about Seungmin's personality attracts Seungmin stans? // Knight of swords

This is so sweet y'all

Seungmin is to his fans, like a lucky or protective charm. They carry him with them every single day, he brings them positivity and safety. Perhaps they've thought about a lot of things in life to be impossible or idealistic and that they'll never come to achieve them themselves, but motivated by Seungmin's determination and headstrong mentality, they've found that things are actually possible. That 'perfect' life they've dreamt of or perfect person they wish to become isn't actually just a fantasy if they put their heart into it. Seungmin is probably like a mentor to them, showing them that by working hard and being nimble you can always increase your own worth to the world. You don't have to settle for being less.

Seungmin stans might have prominent Virgo, Leo, Scorpio or air signs placements in their natal chart.

I.N stans: The change seekers

How are Jeongin stans like in general? // III of Cups

Jeongin stans are very very friendly. They are very sociable and open to people and a joy to be around. They know how to form connections and match the vibrations of others, and just to have fun, in general. Spending time with them rejuvenates people. One could even say they are the life of the party! They care a lot about their chosen community and support their close ones with their entire might.

What do Jeongin stans have in common? // IV of Swords R

Jeongin stans desire freedom. Something is holding them down, holding them back from being at their peak and they want to figure out a way to leave that behind. (Whether it's a bad situation, or just the past in general.) They're learning how to live and let go, because they want to build a better future rather than remain tied to the past. Once they've broken free, they'll live by their own rules and find a new, independent kind of stability.

What about Jeongin's personality attracts Jeongin stans? // Ace of Swords, Strength R, Death R

His fans tend to see what great potential he holds. Jeongin is already a strong and confident man, who is bravely and proudly himself, following his heart. But he is the future; he has the strength and courage to transform things from the ground up. Transform the music industry, transform society, you name it! He has the chance to really make a change. His fans wait with a baited breath to see what he's gonna do in the future, what kind of achievement he will have, they feel as if he's teasing them, feeding them little crumbs to prepare them for the grand things that are yet to come.

Jeongin stans might have prominent Cancer, aquarius, Leo and Scorpio placements in their natal chart.

This was very interesting. The vibe was very different than when I did the reading about atiny. It seems stay are more emotional beings who hold skz close to their hearts as comfort! (which makes sense considering the themes of their music.)

One other thing I found interesting was that in this reading, all the stans turned out to really take after the idol. In some cases I even felt the stans were like a mini version of the idol themselves or like 'they were written by' the idol. In the ateez version, there were cases in which the stans were the complete opposite of the idol!

Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed, and let's discuss! <3

ALSO TIP: If you're an OT8, I think you'd probably be a mix of all the readings. You probably would take a little bit here and there from all the stans. 😁

If you like this reading, consider donating to me so I can continue doing more readings!

[fanficsgal0re]

Eddie Munson Imagine- Bottom of the Bottle

Warnings: underage drinking, lots of angst lol

Summary: friends to lovers. y/n, Eddie, and the gang attend a party together, at which, in attempts to stop thinking about her best friend, y/n gets very drunk. 

You huff out a sigh while inspecting yourself in the mirror. 

Clothes were strewn all over the floor of your bedroom as you searched for the perfect outfit to wear to the party tonight. 

Usually, high school parties were not something y/n would get so worked up over, but tonight felt different. Lately, she had been trying to catch the attention of her best friend- just not the kind of attention you usually look for from your best friend. 

It’s your senior year of high school and you are officially head over heels in love with your best friend, Eddie ‘the freak’ Munson. It’s gotten to that point where you’ve pushed those feelings down so much, they have nowhere to go but bubbling back to the surface. Still, you refuse to reveal your feelings to him, for fear that he won’t feel the same and your friendship will be ruined forever. The usual crisis. So instead, you’ve decided that tonight you’re gonna look totally hot and get totally wasted to take your mind off the whole thing.

You’ve opted for your black, pleated mini skirt paired with a close fitting black top, fish nets, and some chunky boots. Nothing too crazy or out of left field, but something that still might get you some double-takes. You spritzed on some perfume and started throwing some lip gloss and gum into your purse. Eddie should be here to pick you up any minute and you’re beginning to get nervous. You sling your bag over your shoulder and start absentmindedly pacing your room, worrying if your outfit is too much or not enough and then starting to regret even agreeing to go to this party. 

No more than a minute later, you hear Eddie’s van pull into your driveway, music  turned up nearly all the way. You try to wipe away all your anxious thoughts and plaster a smile on your face. 

“There’s nothing to worry about,” you think to yourself, “it’s just a party with all your friends. Just forget about Eddie.”

You silently scream to yourself in the mirror and then compose yourself. Everything’s fine. Just act normal. 

You practically run down the stairs, calling goodbye to your parents, and flinging yourself through the front door. 

You swing open the passenger door to Eddie’s van and practically jump into the seat. You’re feeling jittery from all the nerves and emotions and overthinking and you’re ready to get the night started. 

“Woah there,” a startled Eddie cocks an eyebrow while shuffling through his cassettes, looking for one in particular. 

You blush and look down at your lap, a bit embarrassed at your franticness, but simply toss your hair back and quip, “Just excited to party with all my friends tonight.” 

Eddie rarely attended parties, per his ‘freak’ label and his distaste for most of your peers, but you’d convinced him to attend this one. It was at Steve’s house after all, so he’d be on friendly territory. You loved spending time with Eddie, he was your best friend after all, but you were kicking yourself for having insisted he come to this party. It would be a lot easier to stop thinking about him if you didn’t have to look at him. 

He turned to look at you with a smirk painted on his face, but it softened when he took in your appearance. I mean, God, on any other day you were beautiful, but tonight was something else. The all black, the fishnets, it felt like an ode to him, but your soft features, they were something all your own- nothing like his own hard exterior. 

His gaze lingered on you for longer than normal, something both of you noticed, but Eddie snapped himself out of the daze when he remembered who he was gawking at. His best friend. Y/n aka his dream girl, an angel sent from heaven, somehow totally metal and sweet as candy simultaneously. She’s also someone he can’t afford to lose and can under no circumstances have romantic feelings for- too risky and slim to none chance they’d ever be reciprocated. No way. But goddamn did you make it hard. 

Eddie had to practically pry his eyes away from you, realizing he’d been staring far too long. He smiled lightly and set his gaze behind you, swinging his arm around to the back of your headrest and reversing out of your driveway and back onto the road towards Steve’s house. 

“Yeah, I sure hope you’re excited, ‘cause this is not going to be a regular occurrence,” he jokes, giving you a hard time about dragging him to the party and trying to distract from the potential awkwardness he just caused. 

You send him a questioning glance, but his eyes are fixed on the road ahead. 

“I think you might just eat your words after tonight,” you joke back. 

This is gonna be a long night. 

-----

When you arrive at Steve’s house the party is in full swing. 

Your eyes scan the crowd when you spot Robin near the kitchen counter chatting with Nancy. Just the two people you were looking for. 

You gesture towards them with your chin and Eddie nods his approval, “You go ahead, I’ll be outside, probably rolling one up.”

You flash him a smile and weave your way through the mass of people. 

“Thank god!” you exclaim exaggeratedly when you burst through the crowd, smile wide. 

They both embrace you in a full blown group hug, giggling at your enthusiastic greeting. 

“Well it’s good to see you too,” Nancy giggles, cocking an eyebrow at you. 

“Looks like someone broke into dad’s liquor stash,” Robin smirks, eyeing you up and down. 

“Did not,” you swat at Robin playfully, “can’t a girl just be happy to see her best friends?”

Nancy still has her brow raised, “Ah, I see, just a little bit worked up over a certain curly haired dungeon master.” 

You and Robin follow her gaze, landing on Eddie, who is leaned back against the sofa talking to Steve. 

The girls know all about your little crush on Eddie. It’s not like it was hard for them to figure it out, with all of you being so close and spending so much time together. They picked up on the flirtations and looks from the both of you and once they’d asked you about it in secrecy, you told them everything. The two girls were convinced that Eddie felt the same way, but you wouldn’t believe them. 

You roll your eyes, “I’m just trying to forget about him for tonight.”

Robin reaches for three solo cups and the closest handle of liquor, “Well then, let’s get our girl a drink!” 

-----

It’s nearing 1 am and you are officially drunk and happy. It appears you’ve managed to avoid Eddie so far, thank god. Though everything and everyone seems to be moving in slow motion lately, so you can’t really see anyone too well. You’re safe though, Robin and Nancy have been by your side the whole night. Not to mention Eddie never letting you out of his sight- partially to make sure you’re safe and partially just so he can look at you. 

He’d also been taking note of how much you were drinking. You were never a huge party girl or a big drinker so he never worried too much about you before. You simply came to parties to be with your friends, often times taking care of them after they’d had too much to drink. But tonight he’d watched you take multiple shots and it seemed as though Nancy and Robin were trying to reign you in the whole night. You were acting way out of character and Eddie was a bit concerned, but for now he let you be. 

You’ve been dancing and drinking all night with the girls, effectively making you forget about all of your problems. You're not really aware of your surroundings or even where you are at this point. Just having fun. That’s why you don’t notice or care when Jason Carver’s friend and basketball teammate, Andy, comes up behind you, grabbing your waist and pressing himself against your back as you’re dancing. 

“Hey sweet thing, you’re lookin real pretty tonight,” he breathed in your ear, his breath reeking of cheap beer. 

Eddie has had his eye on Andy for the past ten minutes, watching him watch you, licking his lips and narrowing his eyes like a predator stalking its prey. Eddie already hated Jason and Andy and pretty much the whole basketball team, but now he had a damn good reason. He watched intently as Andy approached you from behind, immediately invading your personal space. Eddie’s jaw was set tightly and it took everything in him not to run over there and pry Andy off of your frame. The only reason he didn’t was because he promised himself he would give you some space tonight. You’d seemed off lately and sort of skittish around him and he needed to get control of his feelings for you, so he decided it might be best if you both had a little break from each other. He had succeeded in the personal space part, but you remained in the forefront of his mind the whole night. He started to notice that you’d been drinking more than usual, too, which concerned him slightly. You were never a big drinker and usually very good at knowing your limits. Eddie continued to watch as you obviously ignored Andy, who kept whispering in your ear. 

When you didn’t respond to Andy’s advance, he continued, “I see you at all my games doll face. Always wearing those jeans that hug your ass just right. I see you watching me every Friday night up in those bleachers. You know what you’re doing.” 

His breath is hot on your neck and you’re suddenly overwhelmed by his close proximity and honestly a bit confused as to who is talking to you. Robin and Nancy continue dancing, but exchange worried glances. They can’t hear what Andy is saying to you over the music, but he’s being way too touchy. 

You furrow your brows, trying to turn to face the handsy stranger, “Excuse me?”

You go to all the basketball games to cheer on Lucas with the rest of the gang. You’d never spoken to any of the other basketball players before and they never seemed to notice your existence until now. You were beyond confused. 

Eddie notices that you’ve stopped dancing to engage with Andy, but with a visibly displeased expression on your face. He slowly sets his bottle down on the table next to him, watching the situation unfold. He’s hesitant to step in, for one because you already have Nancy and Robin by your side to protect you, but also because he knows that you can take care of yourself. 

“Oh, don’t play dumb,” Andy smirks devilishly at you, “I know you do it on purpose.” 

“And wearing those tights tonight, with that little black skirt,” his hands snake from their place on your waist down to grab a handful of your ass, “just to tease me.” 

You gasp, obviously taken off guard. It had been hard following exactly what Andy was saying, especially since none of it was true and you were very inebriated, but that last part was unmistakable. 

“What the hell are you-” you begin, using your elbow against his chest to try and escape from his grip. 

It takes Eddie about half a second to be by your side, his fist connecting with Andy’s nose. It happens so fast, you and the girls all let out a yelp in surprise and everyone around you goes quiet.

Andy is so surprised, he’s knocked off his feet and lands on his ass in front of you and Eddie.

“What the-“ Andy grabs his nose, looking up at the both of you confused, until he registers who just hit him.

“Ahhh look who came to the princess’s rescue! It’s her little friend the freak!”

He laughs and shakes his head, still holding his nose which has started to bleed, “Oh you are going to regret this, the both of you.”

“Yeah sure, asshole,” Eddie mutters, turning his attention towards you, his face painted with worry.

“Are you alright?” he hurriedly asks, only looking at you, despite the whole crowd of people staring at him and the scene he’s just created.

He brushes away a hair that’s fallen in front of your face and cups your cheek.

“I-I…uhh…I mean…I guess yeah,” you stutter out, eyes scanning the rest of the party crowded around you, stunned.

Eddie is only looking at you.

“Alright, let’s get outta here, yeah?” he asks, reaching for your hand.

“Yeah, yeah we probably should,” eyes still darting around the room trying to process what just happened.

With that, Eddie is tugging you towards the front door and you follow, eyes still wide, turning to send a wave to an equally shocked Nancy and Robin.

Eddie hurries you down the hallway, opening the front door with one hand and helping you down the front steps with the other. It’s a short walk to his van, but he holds you close as you stumble slightly down the sidewalk. He busies himself with opening the passenger door for you, not letting go of your hand until you’re settled into your seat. He wastes no time starting up the car and checking to make sure you’re buckled in.

“Your place or mine?” he asks.

“Yours please?” but you say it more as a question, “if that’s okay?”

You’re completely shaken up and still wasted. You did not want to risk running into your parents in the living room and trying to explain yourself. 

“Of course, sweetheart,” he reassures, “you know you’re always welcome to stay with me.”

You finally look to him with your still extremely dilated pupils, giving a real doe eyed effect. Eddie practically melts into a puddle in his seat.

“Thank you,” you tell him as he pulls away from Steve’s house.

“Really, you don’t need to thank me, you’re always welcome at the Munson trailer.”

“No, I mean- well, yes thank you for letting me stay- but I mean thank you for cutting in back there,” you admit.

He takes his focus off of the road for a second to look at you seriously, “Oh yeah, of course.”

Suddenly, after your thank you, he’s sheepish about the whole thing. He didn’t mean to cause such a commotion. He barely knew what he was doing until it was all over. 

Oblivious and drunk, you let the conversation lull as you close your eyes and try to sober yourself up a bit. 

The drive to Eddie’s trailer is short and before you know it, he’s turning off the engine and making his way around the hood to help you out of the passenger side. 

He opens your door and offers a hand, smiling, “M’lady.”

You giggle and roll your eyes playfully, “Well thank you, quite the prince you’ve been tonight.”

You take his hand and step down onto the grass carefully.

He just blushes and shrugs, leading you to the steps of the trailer and opening the door once again for you to step up inside. 

“You go ahead back to my room, I’ll get you a glass of water,”

You smile and nod, anxious to lay down and sleep the drunk off. 

Back in his room, you sit down on the left side and let your back softly hit the mattress, letting out a groan of satisfaction and closing your eyes contentedly. 

Eddie is back a minute later, setting a glass of water down on the side table for you. 

“Well that didn’t take long,” he chuckles, taking in your form cuddled up on top of his comforter, with your shoes on and all. 

You nuzzle your face into his bedding, eyes still closed, mumbling, “I missed my bed.” 

Eddie furrows his brow, but ultimately decides the comment doesn’t mean anything. You must’ve already forgotten where you were and mistook the bed as your own. 

“Hey, don’t fall asleep yet silly, you still have your shoes on.”

You groan, covering your face with your hands, but slowly push yourself up to a seated position.

“Will you help?” you ask tiredly. 

“Uhhh...sure” he replies, slightly taken aback by your request. 

He gets down on a knee at the side of the bed to untie your boots. You simply stare down at him dazedly, watching his fingers move.

“Ya know, I was just thinking...and...how’d you get there so fast? I mean like when you punched Andy? It was so weird, it’s like the second he got all grabby you were right there. I didn’t even see where you came from. How’d you do that?” 

You were genuinely curious how he swooped in so fast to save you, oblivious to all the evidence of his feelings for you. 

His eyebrows shoot up in surprise at your question. He’s loosened the laces on your left boot and takes hold of your ankle to pull the boot off completely. He contemplates coming up with an excuse, but decides he might as well just tell the truth this time. It’s doubtful you’ll remember this conversation in the morning. 

Still, he refuses to look at you when he answers, “I was already paying attention when that creep came up to you actually. I noticed you drinking more than usual and just wanted to keep an eye on you. Then he got real close to you and I just had a bad feeling and whaddya know? He’s worse than I thought. I just went on autopilot after I saw him grab you like that.” 

You nod your head in understanding, “Oh that makes sense. I’m glad you were.”

Eddie slips off your right shoe and stands up, opening his dresser and attempting to change the subject, “Wanna borrow a shirt?”

“Mmm yes that would be lovely,” you hum, excited to change into something comfortable. 

Eddie hands you a black Metallica t-shirt, soft from frequent wear. Usually, if you changed clothes at his trailer, you’d do so in the bathroom. You’d always been pretty shy, especially around him. This time, Eddie was shocked to watch you pull your shirt over your head right there in front of him on his bed. Panicked, he turned his head left, right and anywhere besides you. Oblivious and unbothered, you continued to unzip your skirt and shimmy it off along with your tights, leaving you in a cute black bra and panty set. You weren’t paying attention to his presence in front of you at all. 

Eddie had to pinch himself to make sure he wasn’t dreaming. He tried to keep his eyes glued to his feet, but couldn’t help but sneak a peek a few times at the beautiful creature laid out in front of him. It’s as if he were a fly on the wall, getting a full show with a star who didn’t seem to notice his existence. 

Eventually you tugged the t-shirt on over your head and Eddie could finally look at you without feeling like he might pass out. 

“Much better, thank you,” you smiled at him, like you weren’t just half naked on his bed. 

You crawled up towards the headboard and pulled down the comforter so you could settle in under the sheets. 

“You coming to bed?” you asked sweetly. 

Eddie was glued to his spot on the floor, still shocked by what just happened. He nervously rubbed the back of his neck and moved to flick off the light switch. 

“Yeah, I’m comin’” he came back to earth, discarding his jeans and crawling under the covers with you. 

You were facing each other and when you gave him another sweet smile with your tired eyes, he knew he had to find out the truth, and now was his golden opportunity. 

“(Y/n),” he whispered after a few minutes of silence. 

Your eyes were closed but you replied groggily, “Mhmm?”

“Why did you get so drunk tonight? I’ve never seen you drink that much in my life.”

You hummed in acknowledgement and nuzzled your face further into the pillow. Eyes still closed, you sleepily replied, “Too much thinking. Needed to shut it off. Can’t stop thinking about Eddie.”

And with that you drifted off to sleep, leaving Eddie wide awake wondering if you meant what he thinks you meant. 

-------

Pt 2 coming next ;)

[ghost-of-a-system]

sorry if this is kind of crossing a line, but how do you guys deal with thinking you're faking? ive been having more issues with it recently and its affecting my system,, i dont mean to but its an unfortunately common intrusive thought

no worries, it's definitely a common thought a lot of systems seem to get from time to time (at least from what we've seen)! i know we have, though for us it was usually less of an "i'm faking", and more of an "i'm gaslighting myself into thinking i have this, by acknowledging symptoms". we mostly got these thoughts in the first year or so of for-sure knowing about our system. while we met the criteria and general experiences of someone who has OSDD1, we found ourselves obsessively comparing our system to others we'd see online, or others that we knew. we saw systems who had things like inner worlds or extreme differences in skills & knowledge per alter. things that aren't specifically required to be one, but seemed so awfully common that we just thought they were unspoken guidelines we were missing. so, we were afraid we were "faking".

i don't know how much this can apply to others, but we can remember a good deal of indicators about having OSDD1 when we were younger, especially from the ages of 11-15 or so. (mainly, dissociative episodes, the presence of potential alters.) we obviously didn't know what it was then, nor did we really think it too out of the ordinary. but they were things that we were able to start connecting the dots with the more we learned about systems and ourselves later on.

looking back, our concerns kind of fizzled out with the more dots we connected. kinda hard to be gaslighting yourself into symptoms you don't even know are symptoms, right? the fact that we experienced these things for a long time prior to even learning about OSDD1 was usually enough to help us. but i can understand if it might not be safe for others to try to delve into their pasts like that. isn't really for me to say or speak much on.

this may also not apply to many others, but here's another way. ever since creating this account, actually, we've started to stop holding ourselves to these ridiculous standards in order to be a "normal system". we're learning to respect ourselves for the way we are, and we have noticed that since then, our life has gotten, clearer, almost? whereas before, i think our anxiety and paranoia about the way we functioned clouded a lot of our symptoms. we were always over-analyzing and overthinking everything, so much so that nothing felt genuine. and, like i stated at the beginning... basically all of our concerns over faking stemmed from comparing ourselves to others, personally.

i don't know if that makes sense, but we just stopped caring so much and acknowledged our symptoms as more of a passing thought rather than one we need to grab and study as soon as it occurs. i'm not too sure of the correlation, but i think our experiences/symptoms just. stopped feeling like something we were 'secretly, actively inducing', if that makes it any clearer? and, these things were happening on their own, and to degrees that simply could not be explained by anything other than OSDD1 or something similar. it's really hard to put into words so i'm sorry if that makes zero sense hah, but that's just what we've done. we haven't really had such thoughts ever since.

[chaifootsteps]

I just watched the new episode and wow, words can't describe how (negative) I feel about it.

So, does vivzie know that she shouldn't dump every sad piece of past in all her main 'sympathetic' characters in order to be likable? Like, I had to pause so many times due to second hand embarrassment.

She has now fully destroyed fizz (robo fizz was so much better somehow, maybe because he was more villain-ish?)

The pacing was bad as per usual. Everything went so fast you couldn't focus. Everything was painfully unfunny (except the joke where that dude had 3 phones to tweet from imo).

Somehow I like Mammon more than all the main characters (that doesn't mean he is a good character btw). Not his design tho, that's bad as hell (hehe see what I did here?). He just had more personality, even if he was a bad guy, at least by the narrative because literally Blitzø acts almost exactly the same (Stolas too).

Also, why were there so many dogs in this one? I get the ones in the performances but Ozzie?

Also also, is it only me or is Blitz a little ooc? Maybe I'm overthinking it because I'm used to at least decent writing in my shows (by that I mean consistent character writing)

I actually thought Blitzo was the only character in this entire episode who behaved in a way I expected him to based on what we know about him. Everyone else was all over the place.

[astroyongie]

Can you do a short birth chart analysis for changkyun the same way you did for jungkook,since we know his ascendant and house placements.

I’m sure you know already but in case you don’t he was born 1:43 am which makes him a scorpio rising in the 2nd decan so his chart is

aqua sun in the 3rd

aries moon in 5th

cap mercury in 3rd

pisces venus in 4th

and aqua mars in 3rd

and also cap jupiter in 2nd

pisces saturn in 4th

and sag pluto in 1st house

Changkyun Birth Chart Report

Pluto 1st house Sagittarius: his persona isn't stable, Changkyun is the type that is in constant try of changing himself despite saying that he is okay with his life. He goes from being happy and sociable with people to ghosting them one week after. He is also evolving and changing is opinions and his friends

Capricorn 2nd Jupiter: He is someone very sensitive despite not showing it to the world. He tries his best to focus and to hide his feelings. Changkyun possesses a lot of insight and intuition that is often put under the mug due to his overthinking

Capricorn 3rd Mercury: He is very goal and work-oriented, his mind is always focusing and thinking about work, about what needs to be done and what he has yet to due. He is a rational person too, he doesn't like to be involved with emotions despite himself being a huge sensitive in heart.

Sun Aquarius 3rd: To be honest his work and his public figure are his personality, meaning that if you strip him of his idol persona he is nothing, he won't be able to find himself. He has his own structure around the character he built and the person he wants to show to others. That doesn't mean he is fake since his idol persona is still him on a version he wishes people to know him for

Mars Aquarius 3rd: Again the fact that he has so may placements around his 3rd house really shows to which point this man is very focused on what matters. He wants to be different, he doesn't want to be mainstream, he wants to be "that guy" the one that is different, unique unconventional. Changkyun wants to shock as much as he wants to attract

Uranus Aquarius 3rd: Always in constant change like I said earlier, he really isn't able to keep one moral or value for long, he is always changing to try and develop his character.

Neptune Capricorn 3rd: Changkyun is someone that suffers in silence, someone that thinks and overthinks a lot about things and yet he always pretends to have everything under control by controlling his environment. but honestly inside his mind, it's a jesus help.

Venus pisces 4th: Despite all of that he is lighthearted, he is someone who wants to love, to be loved, to have his own kids and family yet his dreams are so out of touch that is very complicated for him to stick to realistic goals that he can reach.He is also very very romantic

Moon Aries 5th: He is a creative mind, passionate. Everything he does he does it with his heart, with his raw emotions. He wants t be true to himself by doing things that have his personality and his own way to be. so per example, his songs are really very deep and connect to his soul.

empty 6th Aries: He has a lot of health complications with his placement, mostly he gets easily toothache for example, headaches, and burns his tongue frequently. He is prone to head diseases. he also gets easily bored with things

Empty 7th Taurus: Changkyun has huge committing issues when it comes to relationships, he loves too raw, gets possessive and jealous too easily, he never rusts his partner 100% because for him there are always things the person can do to hurt him

Empty 8th Gemini: he can gaslight people to get what he wants, despite his true nature, Changkyun also knows how to be a "fake bitch" to hurt and to get things from people. Also this usually comes out during self-destructive moments when he is drunk for example.

Empty 9th Cancer: He has little faith in things. Like he belives there is the greater good, yet he gets easily into that state where blaming a god or a religion for his bad karma.

Empty 10th Leo: Again, the only bad thing about this is that he always has to pretend to be someone he isn't at work. Also Changkyuncan be a little arrogant and egoistic, putting himself on a pedestal when it comes to his talents.

Empty 11th Virgo: He has a hard time making friends and keeping them since people get easily tired of him and also they don't like the fact that he can easily get judgemental and cold toward people.

Empty 12th Libra: Terrible dealing with stress, with anxiety or depression or any type of negative emotion. Whenever he isn't well mentally, Changkyun gets overly dependent of the people he loves or he completely removes them from his life

[art-blogge]

Everything is Fine, Nothing is Wrong, Dante is Safe, and Birds are Friends

It's been a week. A week of non-stop running, and I don't intend to stop any time soon. I can't. If I slow down for even a little while, the Shi Association will catch up to me. I don't want to die. I really don't want to die.

I'm a coward. I always have been a coward, at least in this life. I don't know how I was before, nor will I ever find out. I've given up on that. What matters now is staying alive. If sticking to the forests and avoiding the paths is what it takes, so be it.

It isn't much later that I start regretting my decisions again. There had to be other ways to deal with this. I should have said something. I should have alerted anyone else. Anyone else! I'm sure at least one of them would have taken me seriously!

On second thought, I doubted it. Even if a single Sinner believed me, it was bound to start fights. In-fighting would have just pointed directly to my location. The Mephistopheles was obvious enough even without the Sinners, too! My location, as long as I'd stayed on that bus, would have been clear as day. There was only one way I probably could have stayed on board, and I didn't want to take that risk. The back corridors were too dangerous. Worse, if the Shi Association had information on how the back corridors worked, it would have made my hiding useless. No, I couldn't risk it. I'd made the right decision. I had to of.

One more option to think over again before I could force my mind onto a different topic: If Vergilius would have done anything for me. I genuinely don't know, and that's probably why I keep coming back to it. Imagining the Red Gaze himself dropping everything just to help me of all people was clearly wrong, but imagining him completely ignoring me was also clearly wrong. I could never properly read that man, and I obviously wasn't going to start now.

I heaved a sigh (or at least imitated one) before taking a moment to observe my surroundings. While I'd been absorbed in my own doubts, I'd wandered back onto the forest path. As per usual, overthinking my circumstances had done me no good. I shook my head and immediately got off the path, opting to walk down into a ditch instead.

Not even a few steps down did I trip, sending me rolling down to the bottom of the ditch. Well, at least I was where I wanted to be. What was I going to do, complain? Instead I laughed, a bitter tone ringing out of my head. How funny I must have looked! I could already imagine what the Sinners would say… And felt a pang of pain in my heart.

<"No! No!"> I reprimanded myself, shaking my head and standing up. I was leaving everything behind to survive. As badly as I wanted to stay attached, I couldn't. Not like this.

To force myself off of these thoughts, I looked over my clothes and bag. I'd already been filthy, having gotten into several scraps and landfills, but now I was covered in mud. I'd just gotten this mostly-clean cloak from a dumpster, too… At least it wasn't my coat.

Another round of heart pain. What, really? I'd gotten attached to an article of clothing?

Well, yes, embarrassingly enough. It'd been so difficult for me to throw it into that river when I'd passed by. Again, though: Leave it behind. Move forward. Keep walking. Keep running. I could do this. I would do this.

Something made a "tink" sound against my head, and stopped to looked up. The sky had darkened more than it usually would at this time of day. Great. It was going to rain. As much as I hated rain, it was a genuine blessing. I'd be able to actually stop somewhere, and all my tracks would be washed away.

I found myself a tree with a particularly large empty space beneath it and squeezed into it before pulling my bag in as well. This would do for now. If the rain ended up being heavy like it was yesterday, I'd have to get out before it flooded…

--------

It wasn't the cracking of thunder that woke me some time later. As much as I dislike the sound, it wasn't the culprit for once. It was VOICES. Voices I couldn't clearly make out, but voices all the same.

Part of me wanted to immediately bail from my hiding spot and never look back. If they were close enough for me to hear over the storm, then they'd be close enough to find me. That meant they'd absolutely spot me if I ran, so I stayed put instead. I just had to cover my head with my cloak's hood so the light from my fire didn't give my position away.

After several minutes of anxious waiting, I was able to understand a voice.

"If we don't find them soon, Vergilius will be mad at us…!"

Sinclair!! The Sinners were here! Did that mean it was safe to--?!

The sound of a sword swinging through the air was followed by a pained cry from Sinclair, then a thud and distant yelling. Of course it wasn't safe. Who was I kidding? Being around the Sinners was like a death sentence.

I waited again. As badly as I wanted to revive Sinclair, that would tell both the Shi and the Sinners that I was present. The storm continued raging, and I pulled my hood down. It got in the way of my breathing, oddly enough, and I'd never quite figured out how that worked.

I couldn't hear voices any more, so I hesitantly pushed my bag down to peek out. All I could see was Sinclair's bisected corpse, unhelpfully enough. No one else seemed to be around, so I bit the bullet and revived him.

It hurt. It hurt. It hurt it hurt it hurt it HURTS. A sharp pain from the top of my head to the bottom of my foot blasted through me, and it took everything I had to not scream.

I hadn't considered how wide open I would be after reviving him. That was usually the first thing I considered, but this wasn't a normal situation- My priorities were different.

"Manager?" Sinclair called from outside. I wanted to respond so badly. So, so badly. The week alone had been bad enough. But I couldn't. If even one person knew where I was, the Shi would be onto me. I still don't even know what I did to earn their ire.

Upon recovering from my pain-ridden state, I looked up only to see Sinclair staring at me from outside. Shit! Fine, I could work with this!

<"Come in, quickly!"> I demanded, pulling my bag out of the way. Sinclair didn't question this at all, crawling in the hollow as soon as he was able to. I put my bag back where it was before turning my gaze onto him- He seemed tired, moreso than usual. Tired enough that he had eyebags rivaling Yi Sang's.

<"You stay here. Are-">

My question was cut off by Sinclair throwing his arms around me, and I instinctually reciprocated. This felt unfair! I liked hugs! Dammit!

<"Are the Shi gone?"> I asked anyway, pulling away from him. Sinclair seemed to understand and let me go while nodding.

"If you're g-going, go now. Vergilius and Ryoshu killed the two Shi that were here."

He DID understand. Thank the Light.

<"Thank you, Sinclair. Stay safe.">

With that, I pushed my bag out into the rain so I could leave. I trusted Sinclair. He was always honest, so he probably told the truth. It wasn't until I'd pulled my hood up, picked up my bag and started walking again that I fully registered something Sinclair had said-- Vergilius had been fighting. Vergilius. The Guide who was never helping us beyond mission information. Had been fighting. I wasn't sure why I was so shocked- The man was a Color Fixer after all!- but it was probably because I'd only ever seen him fight once. Maybe "seen" was a bit of an overstatement.

Whatever. No voices, no sensations of being watched. I'd gotten away.

--------

I don't know where I am now, and that's fine. I haven't for a while now. At least, I don't think I do.

But…

It's familiar. I have the sense that I've been here before. Something about this place worries me.

It's too quiet. It's way too quiet. The only sound in the silent forest was the singing of a bird.

I sat down where I was. If I move too much, I'll be making noise. Whatever's causing that silence would hear me, and the last thing I need is to get into a fight. I may have learned some self-defense over this journey, but not enough to fight Monsters or Abnormalities.

I still wasn't sure where exactly I'd ended up. I haven't heard a thing about Limbus since two weeks ago, and the last time I heard about the Shi was two days ago. I'm not safe. The longest I've gotten away from them has been two days so far. They'd be here for me any time now.

Something is on my shoulder. I turned to look, but it's just a little bird. Hi, buddy.

"Why do people commit sin when they know it's wrong?" the bird asked me, and I realized I was being used as a perch by an Abnormality that I didn't know. I had to answer carefully.

<"Because… Because there is nothing threatening them," I suggested, "They think they can get away with it.">

"They must be punished!" the bird decreed, throwing a wing outwards, "I will make them fear me and my great punishments!"

The bird stopped and looked straight at me. It was going to speak more? Most Abnormalities were happy with just one response.

"Do you think I can stop them from committing misdeeds?"

It seemed confident in itself despite it's size. I had to admit that I respected that, even if it was illogical.

<"I do.">

The bird puffed out its chest in pride, but didn't have time to answer- We both heard shouting, and it wasn't voices I recognized. The Shi were here.

<"It's not safe here anymore, little birdie. Those people want to kill me and I don't know why.">

Why did I tell it that?…. And what was behind me? There's a gold glow coming from behind me, but I don't dare turn around. A second Abnormality?

"May I watch over you, for your safety?"

I didn't need to look behind me to see how large this Abnormality was in comparison to the little bird. It's massive.

<"I would like to stand behind you. You may watch. Little Bird can stop them from committing misdeeds.">

"If I kill them first, they are safe from others!"

<"Death is not safety.">

The large bird behind me went silent. A second shadow joined the first- This one lanky.

"Let me weigh your sins and-"

Well, I'm damned there! I'll admit to panicking and shouting "Their Sin outweighs mine!" before it could finish speaking. I absolutely shouldn't have! I was far too loud that time!

A moment of silence, and then the little bird was cleanly sliced off of my shoulder. By sitting where it had been, it stopped the sword from connecting with my head. If I've ever been grateful for Abnormalities, it would be now.

"Let me weigh your sins!" the lanky one shouted before dashing past me. What an odd bird that was, featherless and tall. Slowly, the big shadow moved in front of me, and it took me a while to realize that it was the actual bird. I didn't realize until several eyes on it's backside shot open and stared at me. I squeezed my vision shut and repressed the urge to yell, but I still saw those eyes in my head. Bright gold, ever watching, ever watching, ever--

--The pressure on my head snapped me back to reality. Something was trying to crush my head! Out of instinct I pushed at whatever was on me, and the large bird cawed.

It'd been trying to bite my head off, I noted while frantically scurrying away from it and it's many many many teeth.

As I made distance, I looked around and learned three things: One, the small bird was red and pecking on a dead man's face. Two, there were only two Shi left and they were fighting the lanky bird. Three, there was a LOT of blood spilled. Four, some of it was mine. Wait.

Wait.

<"When was I injured?!"> I blared, checking over myself in a hurry. There, on my side! A clean cut through all of my clothes! I didn't even feel it. At least it was under my ribs… That could've been a disaster.

In the few moments I hadn't been looking, the number of Shi had tripled and the lanky bird had been reverted into egg form. Stealthy as always, I suppose.

<"Little bird, more sinners are here!"> I honked and pointed. It felt wrong using "sinner" as a word and not a title, and I wasn't going to do it again.

Distantly, I can hear rumbling. Something's coming. More lights in the distance. I'm in a terrible spot!

"I'll save you!" honked the big bird, biting down on my head again and failing to do any damage. It sure hurt though!

<"Stop that!"> I yelled back, but too late. One of the Shi noticed I was stuck and closed the distance before I got to blink.

"Sorry. Company policy and we've already been paid."

The big bird let go of me to chase the Shi that attacked me, and left me standing there in a daze. I'm not even sure where they'd struck. I feel fine still, albeit aware of the growing pain on my side. I don't see anything on me. Maybe they missed.

Now that the Shi were focused on the birds, and the birds focused on the Shi, I stumbled away safely. I've walked through worse pain than this before, easily. Two times, three times worse, even. This was nothing- Not to brag or anything. It's probably not good that I can withstand this.

Ahead. A clearing. I can hide there.

I ignored all the noise behind me as I dragged myself to the clearing. The shouts, the caws, the rumbling, the crashing, the honking. I ignored all of it in favor of collapsing to the dirt floor. I hadn't meant to collapse, but sure, it worked. I'd started getting dizzy anyway.

…

Oh, that's not a good thing. The blood-loss was getting to me. Faust and Outis had told me numerous times how to deal with this… Apply pressure. As I pushed down on my side wound and tried to get my focus back, I started to become aware of where the second wound was. Somewhere I couldn't see, but I could feel the blood dripping down my chest.

The minutes ticked by ever so slowly, and nothing was working. My brain(?) is full of fog, and my eyes are having trouble staying focused. I'm… So cold.

I should curl up… Retain some warmth. This was a monumental task when my limbs felt heavier than they ever have before, but I think I managed well enough.

Was I dying here? Alone?

<"What a miserable failure of a Manager I was,"> I wheezed, air coming out of my neck wound as I ticked to myself. <"What an idiot I've been. Of course running ended in me dying. Of course… I should've just stayed.">

I laid there, clutching my side with one hand and my neck with the other. I don't want to die here, but with my body in tatters and my mind fading, I wouldn't be going far. I've only got one option left.

I screamed. And scream I did, in an awful cacophony of sounds I've never made before. I screamed to the living who could possibly hear me, I screamed to the dead who couldn't possibly hear me. A horrible combination of sounds that I could no longer stop. A combination of all of my regrets, my fears, and my pleas for help.

I understand now why the Sinners screamed when they died. I…

"Dante!"

…Shaking. Hands, me. Hands, on me. Who is here..?… Someone is here. I'm not alone. Thank goodness. Thank the Light. Thank the Stars. Thank the Wings. Thank…… .. Uh, everything.

I forced my head to utter a weak whine from a few broken gears. It was all I could manage. The shaking stopped, and there are voices, but I can't tell who. People are here, with me. Me. I'm not alone so I'm safe. I'm safe. I'm safe…… I'm….

--------

...Beeping. Left side. Too bright. Brain sluggy. Other sounds. Rumbling. Bus?

…It is the Mephistopheles, I realized. I'm staring at the inner roof of the Mephistopheles. The Sun is being reflected right into my face. I need to move.

Slowly, I shifted and went to stand up. In a manner befitting me, I immediately slipped on something and slammed my head on the floor.

I'd slipped on my coat.

Wait.

I threw this in the river weeks ago..! Was I bought a new one? A quick check-over proved no, it wasn't, it has the shoulder stitches and the frayed ends. My coat! I've never been so happy to see my coat. Medical equipment be damned, I'm putting it on-

"Dante?"

While Sinclair was the one that asked, I can see all of the Sinners trying to peek out behind him.

"Clockface fell," Charon commented, reminding me that she was there.

Immediately there was an outbreak of questions from the Sinners that rushed up to check on me.

"Are you okay, Dante?" "Did you eat shite?" "Can we get your word that you won't pull that again, Executive Manager?"

The last question made me pause, and everyone else did too. I think… I think if I were capable of tearing up, I would be right about now.

<"Yes,"> I promised, holding my arms out to receive my team, <"Promise.">

~~~~

(end fic notes: goooooooosh. i started this during canto 2, stopped until canto 4 (added sinclair part), stopped again, added more in canto 5 (bird part) and finally got the end down (canto 6). gosh. golly. fuck ass tit shit. it isnt noted but sinclair stuck a tracker onto dante. this was also written with pre-clock dante in mind, sorta a "some of the old personality is back", which has worked startlingly well with dante keeping their figurative mouth shut lately. happy april fools (unintentionally))

[ebonysplendor]

Trembling Essence (Extended Demo)🌲

TL;DR: Noah is cute and all, but what isn't cute is the fact that he wants us to stay holed up in this mouldy ass house with him. Like, I get that you live around, or possibly in, a swamp and everything, but damn, bitch, you live like this...?

Game Link: https://zombeebunnie.itch.io/trembling-essence-extended-demo

Notable Features: Self-Insert, Yandere LI, Choice-heavy, HP Bar, Affinity Bar, Gender Neutral MC Spiciness: 0/5 -- Unfortunately, because this man is fine as hell... LI Red Flags: 1.5/5 -- Pretty bossy, pretty moody, and a lil' sassy, but other than, pretty solid dude (so far)

Wanna know more? Well, let's get into it!

So, listen. I have been meaning to finish and get this posted for like three, maybe four, or possibly even five weeks now, and damn it, I'm finally going to, so overlook the excessive grammar errors or whatever; I was lowkey rushing lol. This ain't about that though; it's about this visual novel, and let me tell you, I think it's really good, and it's super promising so far.

I know, I know, I know; I say that about every game but hear me out!

If you've read my reviews before, then you know that there are certain qualities about a visual novel that just scratch my brain in a particular way and absolutely ruin me in the most perfect way possible. One of those things is a choice heavy game. As I've said many a times, I am an absolute slut for a choice heavy game. It is something about every decision that you make mattering in the most detrimental way possible, bonus points if the consequence isn't immediate. Like, yes, make me hesitate and overthink if I should have waffles or cold pizza for breakfast, dev daddy...maker mommy...program parent? Program parent doesn't have as 18+ of a ring to it, admittedly, but we'll make it work.

Anyways, as I mentioned, the game is super good, and as far as I can tell, it's pretty choice heavy. Like, I'll play a route damn near the same way, but respond differently to one thing, and there's a whole new option the next time around like huuuuuuh? Absolutely love the visual novels that do that.

I'll get more into how amazing the actual game itself is in a second, but I'm a little impatient, and I want to jump into the synopsis. Nothing even really popped off as far as showing the LI's yandere side -- well, at least not as crazy as it could be. It was implied, and there were little peaks, but nothing too wild popped off -- but this has some damn good build up for the rest of the game.

Right now, and tragically, it's just the (extended) demo, but it is damned good. But, no, seriously. I'm going to go ahead and jump into the summary. As per usual, ya girl is going to tell you as much about this game as possible without ruining the game itself as a whole. Why? Because, duh, I want you to play it! That's the whole reason for the reviews, big dawg!

So, without further ado, I'm going to get into storytelling mode and summarize the game for ya!

So, boom.

When this whole thing pops off, we're lost in the woods.

Because we're lost with, like, zero bearings of our surroundings, we just kind've wait around in this hollowed out, rotten tree for someone to come along and help us. Admittedly, kind've a tall order, but we're trying to stay hopeful in this hopeless situation, so we wait it out.

We wait, and wait, and wait, and wait some more. We're sleeping on and off, and it's honestly making us feel worse. Why? Well, first off, it's hard to sleep in the current situation we're in anyways. Not to sound ungrateful, because at least we're somewhat shielded from the cold and wind and rain -- yeah, we're dealing with that, too --, but sleeping in a literal swamp area is not the most pleasant sleeping condition, let alone sleeping outside in general. The second is, since we aren't actually fully sleeping, we just feel tired whenever we wake up. It's just an all around sucky situation, but it'd be stupid to continuously wander around when we just see trees and more trees.

With not really much of an option other than to wait and get more crappy sleep, we wait and get more crappy sleep. The next time that we wake up though, it's because we hear the crunching of leaves and someone staring us down until we wake up, and when we do --

GYATT DAAAAAAAAAAMN.

Well, well, well!! Are we still asleep? Are we dreaming because I'm about to act ALL THE WAY up. Like, my most pleasant and ladylike woof for you, my good, visually pleasing sir, and I mean

Woof~♡

Even still though, going from seeing no one to seeing someone, especially this damned close, is pretty startling, so we try to go further back into the tree, but there's not really much further back that we can go.

This guy -- his name is Noah, by the way, and is an absolute bae -- sees us do this, and he's just like "Ayo, calm down. It's just me. Also, you look rough. Haha, sorry, that was rude, but like, this is what happens when you run off". ...Huh?

"Run off"...? Oh. Oh right. This is one of those games. Lmao I almost forgot that this man is probably psycho.

Anyways, he's pretty much lowkey talking shit. Like, he's not trying to from the tone, but he's pretty firm about what he's saying. Basically, we've been gone for about 2 and a half days now, and he's like, either we can come back with him and ensure our safety and survival or we can fuck around and find out. The reason why I say this is because apparently there' s another storm coming, and it's implied to be worse, not to mention that it's going to get mad cold.

...Well, we definitely don't want to fuck around and find out, so we go with him.

He's lowkey still talking shit, though, saying that he's glad we're being "very reasonable" this time and all that, but he's being pretty sweet about being gentle with us; he even helped dust our clothes off and offered to be better company this time around.

We make it back to his cabin, and it's still kind've ghetto and mouldy, but it's better than the last time we were here, so he must've been serious about trying to be better company. That being said, Noah starts trying to rizz us up a little...or that's how I took it, because I'm highkey down bad for this man.

In actuality, he just knows that we're in pretty bad shape and is trying to help us out by getting us on the couch, cleaning our face, feeding us, getting us warm, and, honestly, trying to be as gentle as possible. Partially, because he probably doesn't want us running off again, which he makes super clear because, as most people like him do, he explicitly tells us to never pull that crap again and that he just wants to keep us safe and all that.

Anyways, he gets us some clothes and let's us take a shower. Just because I feel that it's necessary to be said, there's mould in here, too, but it's only a little bit, and it's at the corner of the ceiling. Now the thing is, we can smell some kind of cleaning products so whether he used it on the walls or the utilities that were in the bathroom, we're not sure, but it reassures us that he does at least make an attempt to clean. I mean, the mould is still gross, but at least we aren't outside in the storm and freezing cold.

After a bomb ass shower, we head back out into the living room and regroup with Noah. He makes sure that we're all good and heads into his room to call it a night, but not before very sternly -- what's up with the random sass? -- telling us to not wake him up. Like, yeah, because there's so much to do in this dank, mouldy-ass, minimalist cabin that would cause such a ruckus, Noah. Like lmao be for real, homie.

Whatever, though, we just kind've let him go on about his business. Once he's gone, we look outside and oof...

He wasn't bluffing. Not only did it rain like he predicted, but it's coming down mad hard.

...

I mean, it would be totally stupid, yeah, but we could take our chances and escape for realisies this time since we're refreshed, or we could wake up Noah like he specifically told us not to do, maybe look around a bit which he also told us not to do for whatever reason.

Hmmmm...decisions, decisions.

Super sorry if the storytelling didn't flow as well as usual (if it even did beforehand), but I was pretty excited about getting to the review.

Me, personally, this was a demo done so absolutely correct. I'm honestly anticipating this visual novel so hard, and it's more for the story than the actual game because Noah is so...normal so far? Like, right now, he just seems like your typical tsundere hard ass that gets sassy for no apparent reason but has those really soft moments. I'm so ready to see this man come totally undone. Like, I need to see how psycho this man actually gets, because why did we run off the first time? Did we get kidnapped? Did he help us and wouldn't allow us to leave? Are we actually his partner and we tried to call it quits but our memories got wiped and now he's trying to start fresh so that's why he doesn't want us looking around? Was the reason we left because of the mould? Like, I have so many questions, and I'm invested in this story.

Can we also talk about the affinity and health bar? Such a nice touch; I love it. The way that everything in me just drops whenever either of those bars starts dipping down, and then the apprehension I got when they'd get dangerously low. Like, wait, what's going to happen to me? I'm honestly so excited to see what kind of turmoil the dev decides to create with it. I wonder if it's not what it seems though. Like, I wonder if you have to get his affinity in a certain range versus trying to max it out or as close to max as possible. You know, like you can't just always be a "yes" person towards him, but you're not supposed to be super combative either; just enough to get that cozy 72% and unlock a true ending or something.

This game has so many possibilities and so much potential, and I'm just damned excited about the direction that it's going in. The art style is sleek, the LI is a total bae, and the story is storying; it's an experience and a damned exhilarating one. Like, I'm in deep just because I'm so curious about, first off, what's going to happen next and, second, what tricks the dev still has up their sleeve that they hadn't showcased yet.

Okay, I think I've gushed enough. I absolutely recommend playing the game if you haven't already. Like I said, as far as the LI goes, nothing too out of pocket happens, just some sass, but the build up is damned solid. Definitely give it a good playthrough if you're willing, not to mention, there is multiple "endings" just in the demo which is wild. But yeah, if you want to give it the ol' college try, here's a link to the game. If you end up liking it and/or want to give the dev that extra push to keep going with a classic "Ayo, this game is kind've dope, and you are you. Give MOAR", head over to the game page (or the dev's tumblr) and post those encouraging words; if you're able, drop a few coins for them, too -- I'm sure they'd appreciate the extra support.

That's all from me though, so now, I'm going to somewhat awkwardly close this out and use this as a transition sentence since I can't think of anything better.

As always! A huge reminder! Drink water, don't be dumb, and hope to you around~!

Trembling Essence

Dev's Tumblr Page

[up-in-space-reading]

Average Weekly Screentime - Chap 9: It's Snowing

pairing: Jake Peralta x Amy Santiago

word count: 3458

warnings/tags: college au, texting, drunk texting, text fic (mostly, there's prose a few chaps in), bets, bisexual!jake peralta, jake peralta has adhd, parties, drinking and alcohol, sexual references, implied sexual content (nothing explicit, just suggested its going to happen/has happened), friends to lovers, swearing, mentions of cannibalism, lighthearted threats of violence (typical rosa stuff yk), fluff

read on ao3

Average Weekly Screentime masterlist

Story Summary: texting fic college AU with the squad! It's the beginning of the school year and while everyone else thinks it'll be the same as the previous year, Gina has a feeling things are going to be different and wagers a bet with Rosa and Charles. Told through all the various group chats everyone is in.

Chap 1 | Chap 2 | Chap 3 | Chap 4 | Chap 5 | Chap 6 | Chap 7 | Chap 8 | Chap 9 | Chap 10

authors note: N/A

Unnamed Chat

[10:30am, Monday]

Jake: hey ter what do u do when ur scared

Terry: Um.. Terry: I don’t know if I’m qualified to give advice about this

Jake: idk if i can ask amy out

Terry: Ah, right. Now this I’m more qualified for Terry: If you think that taking a risk this big comes with not being scared at all then I’ve got bad news for you man

Jake: shit.. for real?

Terry: Real Terry: If you try and plan too much or overthink then you’re gonna psych yourself out Terry: Just ask her when you’ve got a moment alone

Jake: we just had a class together alone and then walked to the next class together alone.. Jake: and i still couldnt do it

Terry: Give yourself a pep talk right before you hang out and when you’re all pumped just go for it

Jake: hmm okay Jake: i can try

Terry: I don’t know what else to tell you, this isn’t a dip your toe in and check the water kind of situation

Jake: ur right ur right

Terry: Best of luck, it’ll be fine

Jake: thanks ter

Terry: And if it all goes wrong then you can listen to Taylor Swift and cry ;)

Jake: im gonna kill gina

-

He’d already spent all weekend making himself feel guilty that he hadn’t asked her out yet, and his determination was waning each day that passed. All of Saturday he kept thinking how he should’ve asked her on Friday, and how he should ask her today instead. Then when Sunday rolled around he kicked himself for not asking on Saturday, and over again by the time Monday came around.

The excuse he made was that he didn’t see Amy in person on the weekend, so how was he supposed to ask? He couldn’t text her, he was a gentleman and wouldn’t do Amy the dishonour of asking her out via text.

Sunday night he tried to hype himself up that he’d ask on Monday, then he saw Amy on Monday morning for their classes that day and once again the cowardice took over. They had come so far since their toleration of each other a year ago, Jake was so scared to ruin it all.

The two of them sat in their classes, Amy took diligent and detailed notes as per usual while Jake tried to keep up with her. But he couldn’t stop the smile creeping across his face knowing that Amy would automatically make a copy of her notes to give to him, and how he found hers to be less confusing than his own disjointed notes.

Everything was colour coordinated between topics and headings and classes, she would use the copier in the library so Jake had the pages too, she even started sending him the ones she typed up. He had mentioned once that he felt bad, like she was doing all the work and he just benefited from it.

“Notes are nothing, you have to actually complete all the assignments I’m just giving you the information told to us written down. Besides, I like doing it” was how she had responded matter-of-factly, as if it wasn’t the biggest thing in the world that she went out of her way to help him.

How he probably would need to repeat classes and would be stressed from head to toe if it hadn’t been for her just giving him notes. But the pages also felt like parts of her, her handwriting and always correct grammar. The colours of her specific highlighter set which Jake would borrow to colour in the pictures he drew in the corner of his copies when he was bored.

She had woven herself so easily into his life and Jake was in no way eager to untangle himself.

-

Skipping School Is(n’t) Cool

[03:26pm, Monday]

Cameron: Phone break over Cameron: Back to the essay plan

Ferris: 5 more mins???

Cameron: You’ll feel bad about yourself if you don’t do it

Ferris: uuggghhh ur right

Cameron: I know I am, now look up from your phone and talk to me like a normal person

Ferris: u got it

-

“When was the last time you ate?” Amy asked seemingly out of nowhere when Jake had put his phone down.

“Uh I don’t know, like one-ish” Jake answered, confused.

“Have this” Amy reached into her bag and pulled out a granola bar, handing it to Jake.

He held it and just stared at it, unable to form words at the gesture.

“You focus better when you’re not hungry” She answered his unasked question while returning to her studying.

“Thanks” He said quietly, opening the bar and eating it.

He ate the granola bar and mused on the metaphorical weight of it. She had it in her bag just for him, he knows that because she doesn’t like this brand (he had to listen to the five minute long rant about it) so she had it just for him. She knew what helps him focus, although now his mind was transfixed on a damn granola bar so much he barely had room for essay plans.

Finally, after at least 20 minutes of mild crisis and definite overthinking he’d hyped himself up, Amy wouldn’t have brought a granola bar for nothing and she wouldn’t copy all her notes for nothing, and she wouldn’t help him for nothing.

She wouldn’t spend nearly five hours with him on a Thursday evening while they had dinner together and laughed and told stories for nothing. She didn’t even suggest inviting their friends to dinner.

Jake cleared his throat.

“Hey Ames, can I ask you something?” He tried to mask the nervousness in his voice.

“Yeah sure” She didn’t look up from her book but her pen did notably stop moving.

“I was just wondering if-“

He was cut off by the sound of a phone vibrating against the table, Amy’s screen lighting up with the contact name ‘Mom’. She quickly pressed a button to stop the vibrating and let the call go to voicemail.

“Sorry about that, go on” She said hurriedly, now looking at him directly.

“Um I was just gonna ask-“

Her phone started vibrating again, same contact name and Amy groaned in frustration this time.

“Sorry I’ve gotta take it, she’ll just call again if I don’t” She was holding her phone, annoyance written all over her face at having to take the call.

“That’s fine, go ahead” He smiled at her, not quite reaching his eyes, “tell her I said hi” He joked, making her laugh lightly before she got up and walked off to go outside, answering the call on her way out of the library.

Jake sighed heavily and leaned back in his chair, he rubbed a hand over his face and groaned in frustration probably a bit too loudly for library etiquette. The confidence was gone, when she got back he was going to brush it off and move on.

So much for psyching himself up over a damn granola bar.

-

Jimmy Jabbers

[08:10am, Tuesday]

Pineapples: good morning sluts

Queen G: whats got u in such a good mood

Pineapples: idk just feel like today is gonna be good

Mr Grapes: Love that energy! Today IS going to be a good day

Four Eyes: Good morning!

RoRo: i am not on board with this energy

Queen G: yeah idk about this

Pineapples: u two are no fun

RoRo: good

-

Skipping School Is(n’t) Cool

[08:55am, Tuesday]

Ferris: i hate to do this to u but im gonna be late to class

Cameron: Seriously?? Why??

Ferris: thought i had time to go get coffee but the coffee shop did not have time for me

Cameron: Fine, I’ll let the professor know

-

[09:10am, Tuesday]

Cameron: You can’t show up to class late bringing coffee for both of us!

Ferris: but i did and u cant do anything about it Ferris: and i havent gotten a thank u yet

Cameron: …Thank you Jake

Ferris: ur welcome! Ferris: now stop texting me ur distracting me

Cameron: Oh my god

-

She was embarrassed he had walked into class late, sat down next to her and handed her a cup of coffee in front of the whole class and professor. Amy didn’t want that kind of attention on her during class, the only attention she wanted was when answering a question correctly.

But she couldn’t stay mad for long, he had bought coffee for her too without her even asking. The coffee wasn’t the only thing warming her up on what was a severely cold morning, her heart over the moon at his thoughtfulness.

Jake wouldn’t have just bought her a coffee for no reason, right?

The lesson continued on and Amy was thankful for the distraction, getting to focus completely on her notes and the work assigned instead of Jake. Although, he was always there even if she didn’t realise it – the smell of his cologne mixed with coffee on his breath, his foot almost touching hers as they sat next to each other and the occasional bouncing of his leg which caught her eye.

They walked out of class together and as Jake told her about the coffee shop situation, she decided that today was the day she asked him out. She had to do it before she lost her nerve or was left alone long enough to over think and talk herself out of it.

She swore she was going to do it, they walked all the way to Amy’s next class together. He had just followed her there, despite not having the next class together. There was finally a break in the conversation.

“Uh Jake?” She tentatively approached.

“Yeah?”

“I just wanted to know-“

His phone pinged with a notification, and she just about wanted to destroy every phone in existence.

“Sorry just a sec”

“No problem”

He pulled his phone out of his pocket and glanced at the screen quickly, eyes going wide as he began swearing under his breath.

“Shit, I’m late” He shoved his phone back in his pocket and looked back up at Amy, not noticing the way her next class were filing into the classroom, “What were you saying?”

He asked her to continue, and Amy wanted to so badly but he was late and she was nearing to be late. The moment had gone and she’d lost her steam.

“Don’t worry about it, get to class” She shook her head and smiled, trying to play nonchalant and being thankful that Jake didn’t seem to notice.

“Okay, see ya”

Amy said goodbye back as Jake started to rush away towards his next class, once his back had turned she deflated and sighed before walking into her next class. Once again, grateful for a distraction from Jake.

To make Amy’s luck even worse, her and Jake didn’t get a moment alone for the rest of the day. Charles joined them to study and then he and Jake had dinner together – Amy was invited, but after the failed attempt earlier that day she wasn’t in the mood to socialise.

That evening instead of studying she spent her night getting lost in a book, a romance one where she childishly pictures her and Jake in the positions of the main characters. She goes to sleep hoping tomorrow she’ll have the courage to ask him- tell him how much she wants to be with him.

-

Skipping School Is(n’t) Cool

[08:35am, Wednesday]

Ferris: hey uh will u have a spare minute at all today? Ferris: i know we dont usually study today but yeah

Cameron: Um I’m not sure, I have a few classes and then I’m having a meeting with one of my teachers

Ferris: meeting??

Cameron: I wanted to discuss some of the syllabus for this semester and this is the first chance she’s been able to fit me in since we got back from holidays

Ferris: ah ok fair enough

Cameron: Why do you need a minute? Is something wrong?

Ferris: no nothings wrong i was just wondering :)

Cameron: Okay, have a good day!

Ferris: i will try

-

As it turns out, Amy didn’t have a spare minute all day.

Jake was fidgety all day, he had woken up and decided once again that today was the day he was going to ask her out – but he’d thought that for the past two days and so far hadn’t been successful so the hope was dwindling.

He ran into Gina at the coffee shop who said he probably didn’t need any more caffeine judging by how nervous he looked.

“What do you mean?” He asked with an offended look on his face.

“You have the same look on your face when we’re in line for a rollercoaster” She had responded.

“How do you even remember information like that?”

He order was called out and Gina waited until he was standing next to her to answer.

“Because I’m a good friend and you always look so scared before a rollercoaster it’s a bit funny” She smiled deviously upon saying her last point, “Seriously, what’s wrong?”

Gina’s order was called before he could answer and when she had picked it up she dragged him to sit down at a table together, Jake has resigned himself to the notion that he wasn’t getting out of this conversation.

“So spill, you never keep secrets from me” She punctuated her sentence with a sip of her drink.

“I know but I dunno if I wanna tell you this one… yet” He fidgeted with his cup on the table, not being able to hold eye contact with Gina for too long.

“Alright fine. It’s nothing bad, is it?” She asked with a raised eyebrow.

“No it’s not bad, it’s actually pretty good but I’m just feeling… a lot” He had trailed off, unable to find a better word for the tornado of thoughts and emotions he felt on a daily basis.

“Well I’m here whenever you need” There was a few moments of silence between them as Jake gave Gina a smile that showed he understood her.

“Now that the gross stuff is out of the way I gotta tell you about my date on the weekend”

“I don’t know why you dragged yourself into Sasha’s business but I need to hear all about it-“

-

Skipping School Is(n’t) Cool

[05:25pm, Wednesday]

Ferris: hope ur day hasnt been too hectic :)

Cameron: It kind of has unfortunately Cameron: Sorry for not being able to chat more

Ferris: thats okay

-

He was lying on his bed and wondering what to do, he hadn’t seen her all day or spoken to her much and it made him miss her. Finally, he was fed up with being scared, Jake gave himself a pep talk.

You’re gonna tell her and it’s gonna be fine. If she doesn’t like you back then that’s okay, you will just pretend it never happened. If she does like you back then… we’ll cross that bridge if we get to it. You are not a coward, you aren’t your father, you can ask out the girl you like. It’s not even that big of a deal- except that it kind of is- but it isn’t so its fine. You can do this Jake Peralta, don’t be a coward.

A newfound excitement surges through his body and without much further thought he’s slipping his shoes on and leaving his dorm in a rush. He all but runs through the building to get outside, hoping the frosty air will cool him down a little as adrenaline pumps through his veins.

He exits the building and the first thing he notices when he gets outside is that it’s snowing, lightly falling and probably getting caught in his hair. He pays it no mind as he pulls his phone out of his pocket and begins typing furiously, not bothering to look where he’s going – he knows the way to Amy’s dorm like the back of his hand.

-

Skipping School Is(n’t) Cool

[06:23pm, Wednesday]

Ferris: r u in ur dorm? Ferris: can i come over? Ferris: draft message: plea

-

He wasn’t able to finish his frantic messages as he bumped into someone also walking down the path looking at their phone. Without thinking Jake’s arms go to steady the person he bumped into, ready to apologize profusely and keep speed walking to Amy’s dorm.

Upon looking up at the person who’s shoulders he now had a hold on he realised he’d bumped right into Amy. Her nose and cheeks were red from the cold, a scarf wrapped around her neck and Jake noticed how pretty the snow looked as it fell into her hair.

She instinctively reached out for him to steady herself, her hands settling on his biceps and Jake felt like his skin was on fire despite the harsh cold. Amy breathlessly said his name as they stood there holding onto each other and not moving.

“Where were you-“

“What are you-“

They had both started speaking at the same time and then stopped to laugh at the mistake.

“I was on my way to your dorm” Amy spoke first.

“I was going to your dorm” Jake responded in slight disbelief.

Her eyebrows rose in surprise at his explanation, and her lips were slightly parted as if about to say something but not knowing what.

“Why?”

That was the response she had finally settled on and Jake swore there was a look of hope in her eyes, her hands holding onto his arms just a little bit tighter. He knew it was now or never, and how could he lie to her any longer. Amy was all he wanted.

“I was coming to see you, to ask you on a date, and- if you’d be interested- ask if I could be your boyfriend”

It was rushed and frantic sounding, but Jake smiled the whole time because it was finally happening and as he said it Amy’s face didn’t turn into one of disgust but something softer – one of relief and joy.

“That’s a bit of a coincidence then” She joked, earning a laugh from the both of them.

“Oh” was all Jake could manage in that moment, trying to process how Amy was on her way to ask him out.

He immediately felt so silly for all the hesitation and trepidation he had been feeling, he was scared for nothing. Amy liked him back, Amy had been rushing to ask him the same question he wanted to ask her. He wasn’t being rejected.

“Well in that case-“ He was able to speak now that his brain had caught up, and pretended to kneel down, Amy still holding onto him.

“Don’t you dare kneel” She scalded him, but there was no bite or malice behind it as the smile spread across her face gave her away.

Jake laughed and stood again, using his hold on her shoulders to bring her closer and carefully sliding his hands down to her waist.

“Amy Santiago, will you do me the pleasure of being my girlfriend and going on at least one date with me” He looked into her eyes, trying to stop tears of joy welling up in his.

“Jake Peralta, I would love for you to be my boyfriend, and I will happily go on a million dates with you”

They both laughed again as Jake brought his forehead towards Amy’s, touching lightly with their noses so close he could feel the heat coming off her. He didn’t know why they were laughing, nothing particularly funny had happened but he supposed this is what it’s like to be so happy you don’t know what else to do.

But he knew what else he wanted to do.

“Can I kiss you now?” He asked quietly, so only she could hear.

“Please” Her response was immediate, no hesitation and Jake could only guess she had been waiting a while for this moment.

He leaned in and pressed their lips together, and it was everything Jake had imagined it to be. Her lips were soft and she tasted like how her lip balm smelled. Amy’s arms moved to wrap around Jake’s neck as she fully leaned into him, while his wrapped around her back to hold her even closer.

Jake could feel her smiling into the kiss and couldn’t help but smile back, when they finally pulled apart he was out of breath and trying to figure out whether it was all a dream.

Amy placed one more kiss to the corner of his mouth and finally Jake could confirm it wasn’t a dream.

Chap 1 | Chap 2 | Chap 3 | Chap 4 | Chap 5 | Chap 6 | Chap 7 | Chap 8 | Chap 9 | Chap 10

authors note: Another chapter out so quick because the passion with which i wrote this section is craazzyy! last chapter i said there would probably only be one more but that was a lie! This is probably the second last chapter and i'll have one last one to wrap it all up!

I hope you enjoyed this chapter, it was so fun to write and i'm really happy with it! Thank you so much for reading, commenting, and leaving kudos - i'll have the next chap up as soon as I can <3 <3