#overthinking everything way too much as per usual

[heartz-for-de]

Aww your pieces are so adorable :3

How about first 'I love yous' with the mha boys?

Sorry this took forever!!! You didn’t specify which ones you’d wanted sooooo sorry if I forgot anyone!!

Characters included- KATSUKI, KIRISHIMA, KAMINARI, IZUKU, TODOROKI

Not any warnings lol js fluff and some cussing.

REQUESTS- OPENNN

————

Katsukis first time saying ‘I love you’ was reassuring and aggressive.

Katsuki was terrible with words, both of you knew that. In fact he’d made it a point to compensate for his lack of communication through actions. You appreciated his effort in your relationship, but even with his constant affection you’d still felt a tinge of doubt clouding your mind.

It had all started when one day during class when you had began to think, what really attracted him to you? I mean he was the epitome of a perfect man in your eyes and you felt as if you had very little to offer. He had shut you down multiple times when it came to downplaying yourself, but sometimes you couldn’t help but overthink the balance in your relationship.

Katsuki had come up to you after class, expecting to walk you to your dorm per usual. But you had walked forward quickly, causing him to almost have to jog to catch up to where you were.

“Oi? Fuck are ya doin’” he growled out once he had reached you.

“Hm? Oh I was just headed to my dorm.” Your heart skipped at beat at the sound of his raspy and deep voice.

“Right, without me? I think the hell not. whats wrong?” He brushed off your half truth answer and immediately pressed for something more honest.

“I had just..—I had forgotten, I’m sorry.” You nearly held your breath. Lying to anyone was hard, but lying to Katsuki? Damn near impossible.

“No, you did not, y/n. What the fuck is wrong with you? I mean…did I—did I do something?” For a split second you saw confusion and worry flash over his face as he seemed to go through his memories in attempt to find something, anything, but to no avail.

“No! No, Katsuki, I promise you did nothing. It’s just— “ you abruptly ended your sentence once you had reached your dorm room, trying to decide if you should tell him what was wrong, or tell him to leave.

“Just what?” He anticipated the answer, his ruby eyes peering at you through his blonde eyelashes.

“It’s just, I don’t know. You’re so perfect, and I’m so…I don’t know..me I guess?” You stumbled over your words, as his gaze became harsher the more you went on.

“The hell? Yeah, you are you. The fuck is that supposed to mean?” He pressured your answer, his eyebrows furrowed with a look of anger and disgust flooding his features.

You let out a guttural sigh, this really wasn’t how you had wanted to spend the end of your stressful day.

“I mean that I feel like you’re way too perfect, for someone like me.” You wished for nothing more than for him to just disappear and let you wallow in your own self pity, but Katsuki Bakugou never took lightly to people talking bad about what’s his, and that included yourself.

“Oh fuck no— don’t ever let those words come out of your mouth, not now not ever. You are— you’re everything I need, everything I want, so don’t spew some bullshit about how I’m too good for you. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t..” a pause came offer his half said sentence.

“If I didn’t love you, y/n. I love you, and it makes me so unbelievably pissed when you say shit like that.” His cheeks were flushed as he kept his glare set on you. Katsuki had never been one for words, but whatever he did say, came straight from his heart.

Kirishimas first ‘I love you’ was genuine and sweet.

It hadn’t been long since the two of you had started dating, but that didn’t make it any less real. And Kirishima was fighting demons everyday not to scare you off. He knew the 3 month rule, he also knew that if he did too much too early he could scare you off, and he’d rather die than see you walk away from him.

Training had been rough, per usual, and you and Kirishima were eating together in the common room.

He eyed your plate with tentative eyes.

“Mmm you meed more proteim.” He said with his mouth full of chicken. You let out a laugh at his mumbled words causing his eyes to land on you instead.

“And you need to chew your food.” You smile hadn’t left your face and Kirishimas heart was beating faster by the second. He gave you a sharp toothed smile and continued eating.

You then grabbed your drink and tried to wash down some of the rice stuck in your throat, but you had choked on the smooth liquid causing you to spit out some and remain a coughing mess.

At first Kirishima was alert and ready to help in whatever way he could, but when he realized you were just choking on water he let out a relieved smile.

You looked up at him with watery eyes and started laughing, the water from the previous attack now all over the table.

He laughed with you, his hand clutching his stomach form the sheer force.

Once the laughter had subsided all that was left was Kirishimas soft glance that landed onto your own. In that moment Kirishima felt nothing other than utter devotion and adoration.

“I love you.” He had said softly, his eyes still melting pure hot emotion. Your eyes went wide for a second from the unexpected confession. Your reaction caused Kirishima to realize what he’d said. Snapping out of his trance he gave you a terrified look.

“Shit, I’m so sorry y/n— I shouldn’t have said that.” He pulled his hands in front of him as if to defend himself.

“Hey, calm down.” You tried to calm the red headed boy who was now in a frenzy.

“I’m so sorry, I was trying so hard to wait—Yknow the three month rule— and I just let it slip.” He continued his rant.

“Eiji, baby. I love you too.” You grabbed his face with your hands, forcing his to meet your own eyes. His posture slumped as his cheeks turned a darker shade of red. He then made a weird expression as if he were constipated.

“I’m so freaking pumped you just said that, but I would take like three steps back because my entire body is about to go rock hard, and I don’t wanna cut your pretty hands.”

Kaminaris first Time saying ‘I love you’ was flirty and unexpected.

The two of you had been friends for what seemed like years, having met through Bakugou and mutual friends. However, you constantly teetered between friendly banter and full on flirting which made it difficult for outsiders to figure out the relationship between the two of you.

One day during the friend groups weekly movie nights, kaminari had volunteered to help you grab some snacks. You stood in the kitchen watching the yellow haired boy attempt to juggle a couple bottles of butter for which you wanted to use on the fresh popcorn.

“Kami, I really think you should put those—“

Splash, one of the bottles had fallen and spilled onto the ground near his feet.

“Shiittt, I could’ve sworn that I was gonna catch that.” Was all he said as you gave him a deadly glare.

“Yeah, well you didn’t.” You muttered angrily, not in the mood for his antics anymore.

“Cmon, babe, I’ll just clean it up! No need to get all pissy on me.” He smoothly grabbed. Paper towel from behind you and began to clean up his mess.

All you could do in return was roll your eyes, the seemingly empty nickname he had used brought a small heat onto your face.

“Wouldn’t have happened if you’d just listen the first time.” He glanced up at you, his cheeky grin forcing a smile out of you.

“Youre right shoulda just listened to you, i mean youre always right.” He said with a thick sarcastic tone lacing his voice. He let out a laugh as he threw away the dirtied towels.

“Mm, I am.” You responded simply.

“So stubborn, gosh. You’re lucky I love you.” He mumbled out. His voice slowly dropping out towards the end once he had realized what he’d said.

It wasn’t weird for friends to love eachother, in fact it was very normal. It would’ve been normal. But you and him both knew there was nothing platonic about what he’d meant. You both were frozen, waiting to see who would address it first, you decided you needed to break the thick silence.

“You love me?” You questioned, praying to everything there was that he wouldn’t try and say he didn’t mean it in the way you’d hoped. His face lightened and you saw the flirtatious look you usual saw.

“Thought it was kinda obvious, I mean cmon, babe. I charge your phone like every night…” he laughed softly while rubbing the back of his neck.

Izuku’s first time saying ‘I love you’ was pressured and hilarious.

He had spent the entire morning worried sick about you, his girlfriend, who had been seemingly upset. He couldn’t figure out why and it was eating away at him, the constant worry that he had done something wrong and was unaware.

So stupidly, the green haired boy had went to denki kaminari for relationship advice, because I mean obviously he would know what was going on in your head.

“Well I mean yall have been together for like two months right?” Denki asked with a perplexed look.

“Yes, but we’ve yet to get past a few important milestones.” Izuku added, his notebook in hand and ready for any notes or tips denki might have.

“Milestones? Like what might I ask?”

“Er, we haven’t said I love you, we haven’t—“ Izuku was cut off by an unimaginably loud gasp from his classmates mouth.

“You haven’t said I love you?” Denki whisper yelled as if anybody was actually listening.

Izuku gulped harshly.

“N-no? Should we have?” He questioned with a Look of worry written into his freckled features.

“Uh, dude, yeah! That’s probably why she’s so upset, I mean she probably thinks you hate her.” He said as if it was the most obvious answer to the boys problem. Izuku could do nothing but look horrified, how could he have let you felt that way?

The second he saw you in the halls he marched up to you and grabbed your shoulders.

“Y/n, I just want to let you know that i love you! I’m sorry for making you feel like I hated you and I want you to know that it’s completely the opposite.” He blurted out quickly with shut eyes.

“Izu, what the hell are you talking— I mean I love you too? I’m super confused, I didn’t think you hated me.” You tried to process everything he’d said but you couldn’t quite answer everything he’d thrown at you.

“Huh? You were super upset today, so denki had informed me it was because I hadn’t told you I loved you—“ you cut him off with a hand to his mouth.

“And you…listened? To denki? I love you too Izuku, but that was very, very dumb.” You patted his cheek with your free hand and played your lips to his forehead.

Todorokis first time saying ‘I love you’ was planned and professional.

He had been thinking all week about the perfect way to let you know and truly understand his feelings for you. You had been dating for about a month and he’d been waiting for just the right time.

He had decided that setting up a few candles in your room and a rose bouquet would really swoon you. (Kirishima had helped him with this perfect idea)

There were several candles, all of which were a lovely lavender scent that filled your room almost immediately. He had repositioned the roses multiple times, trying to get them in just the right position for when you opened the door to see him standing there.

He’d scheduled a study date with your friend group, only to bail last minute calling in sick. You were a little upset at the absence of him but he knew it would be soon replaced with joy when you entered your room. Or he hoped.

He stood awkwardly as he waited for the seconds to pass by, you’d be walking in your room any moment now and he was quite nervous.

The door gently creaked open, and you peered your head into the softly lit room.

“Sho, what the— I thought you were sick?” You asked with shock written all over your face.

You fully entered the dorm and took in all of the things he’d set up for you.

“I lied, my apologies. I needed you to be out of the room whilst I did this.” He answered you truthfully.

“What is this all for? I mean I love it so much this is the sweetest thing ever, but I must admit I’m a little confused.” You picked up the bouquet and looked at him with a small smile.

“I love you.” He felt his stomach drop once he’d released the words, his nerves now heightened beyond what he thought was possible. You gave a shocked expression, but it hadn’t lasted very long. You quickly teared up at the thought of your sweet boyfriend doing all of this just to tell you he loved you.

You let a smile flood your features as you nearly jumped onto the tall boy, his arms instinctively coming to wrap around your torso.

“I love you too, sho”

————

[arafilez]

☆ ⼂ THE SILENT TREATMENT ﹗

ꔫㅤㅤ ❜[ skz ot8 x any reader ] ㅤ⋆ ㅤangst, fluff ㅤ warnings insecurities, arguing, crying, cursing ㅤ﹢ㅤ300 per member wc

◗ ៹ BANG CHAN ›

Silent treatment, that one thing you hated from the bottom of your heart. And Chan was giving it to you, for a small mistake.

Well, you wanted to transfer some pictures from his laptop to your phone and you almost deleted his song drafts. Almost! But he caught you in the act of restoring everything and screamed so loud it could be heard down the street.

Then an argument broke out where he argued about you being careless and you argued about how they are not deleted and that is what matters. He argued back about how they could have been and then it led to a cold war.

Right now, you were both just giving each other silent treatment, both of your egos too big to back out. But now you were contemplating whether you should because you missed him, it has been two days since you both talked.

Just then Chan entered the room as you swiftly got up and you both simultaneously spoke, "I am sorry." You were beyond relieved at this as you jumped into his embrace and he stumbled back trying to hold you.

"I am so sorry, I am stupid," you said as he stayed silent. You looked at him narrowing your eyes as he shrugged saying, "If you are waiting for me to disagree, it will be a long day."

"Well then Chan, fuck you," you said as he smirked, "Yeah we need to make up for the two days."

Placing a small kiss on your lips he said, "We need to make up for the kisses and cuddles not done in two days too," and you nodded in agreement.

◗ ៹ LEE MINHO ›

You hung your head low thinking of ways of apologising to him. Even though it was not your fault you wanted to apologise first because it was too much for you to handle.

It was not your fault that the bartender was flirting with you, you did try to wave him off.

But that persistent person did not leave you alone which made Minho pretty angry. He stared at the bartender poking his tongue inside his cheeks before he left dragging you out with him.

And you two didn't even have any argument before he started the silent treatment.

You have poked him, literally, many times and stood in front of him blocking his way trying to make him talk but all was in vain. So now you were thinking of newer ways.

You made some cold coffee for yourself and sat down sipping on it lightly and suddenly Minho took it out of your hands and took a sip sitting beside you. "You know we are indirectly kissing," you half joked wanting him to break but nothing.

What tortured you more was the fact he was doing everything he usually does, except talking to you and of course, was depriving you of any physical affection.

You clung your body to him, hugging him sideways and you thought he would get away but he made no attempts to. "Come on, forgive me already, it was not my fault," you whined right beside his ears but he acted like he was deaf, eyes glued to his phone.

"Min please, you know I can't handle silent treatment, my mom did it too and trust me it hurts, like a bitch. It is one of the reasons I never give anyone silent treatment. You know these," hurt was evident in your voice as you said all those.

Still, when you got no reaction you just had enough and got up going to your bedroom. Tears pooled your eyes because you always thought the worst and now you felt like he would leave you.

Minho, on the other hand, realised he had gone overboard and with your overthinking mind you had now broken down. He threw the phone on the sofa ran up the stairs and urgently knocked on your door.

Before doing the second knock he pushed the door, seeing it was already unlocked just to see you standing on the balcony, blinking your eyes rapidly to stop the tears.

He went up to you and hugged you from behind he kissed your neck. He felt you relax in his embrace and cleaned your tears dry before kissing you on the nose.

That was enough for you to realise he was joking and he would never leave.

◗ ៹ SEO CHANGBIN ›

"How about you ask Seungmin to give you a ride home?" were the last words Changbin said to you over the phone. Now you were sitting in the car with him staring out the window.

There was an uncomfortable silence hanging in the air and you knew why. All because he was angry and jealous. And angry Changbin is scary Changbin.

You were laughing along every time Seungmin decided to destroy his members with his sarcastic lines, especially Changbin. But Seungmin accidentally made fun of him for being chubby which hurt him.

What hurt him more was you laughed along before you realised it now after that Seungmin hugged him which made him forgive him at once but when you decided to try that he just walked away.

And then after spending another half an hour with the 00' liners you decided to go home and here you were, in his car, when he is still angry.

"Changbin I am sorry, I didn't mean to," you said apologising to him again but he ignored you, again. You sighed throwing your head back on the car seat.

You gazed at him longingly, your eyes tracing his every feature as you put your hand on his which was free. "You look hot, driving with one hand," you voiced out unintentionally before widening your eyes in realisation.

He chuckled lowly before saying, "That is one way of making me talk." "Oh my god, you talked," you screamed in delight and you saw him pull the car to your house.

"Changbin I am sorry we joked about your insecurity, it was cruel of us," you said, being truly sorry for what you and Seungmin did.

"It is okay, mistakes happen, just I hope you don't repeat it," he says looking at you and smiling, dimples visible on his lower cheeks as you melted due to his smile.

"I promise, we won't, ever," you assured tracing your fingers along his knuckles. "Good," he smiled before leaning in and kissing you as you held his cheeks firmly, kissing him back. He parted for air but then you pulled him back, his laughter dying down in his throat.

And inside the safety of the metal bubble, a beautiful love was growing.

◗ ៹ HWANG HYUNJIN ›

Hyunjin was being overdramatic, again! It was a regular phenomenon by now, but this time it was getting out of hand. He was screaming his lungs out just because of his hair.

You both went to the grocery store before to buy some ingredients and when you were walking home rain started pouring. Now, there was no shadow in the alley and thus you both started running. But, by the time you reached your home, you both were fully drenched.

He started screaming as soon as he entered saying he was wearing an expensive hair product and now his hair will be all ruined due to it getting wait. He blamed you for not taking an umbrella to which you replied that you were not suitable to know it would rain.

Your constant sarcastic replies and eye rolls pissed him and thus you both broke out in a big argument. And then you both were screaming curses at each other forgetting what the argument was about anyway.

And now you both were sitting across each other on the couch giving the very infamous silent treatment since both of your egos were too big.

You were aware that Hyunjin was a sensitive person and constantly feared if he would start crying. If he did, then you would break instantly and you knew it very well.

And he did break down after a few minutes, sniffing lightly, trying to keep as quiet as he could. That broke your heart. All the times before he had wailed out loudly like a child.

But this time he was quiet, trying not to gain your attention and make you feel guilty. But now you were feeling guiltier than usual.

You got up from your side and sat down beside him and saw his tear-stained face. "I am sorry," he croaked out and you instantly hugged him repeatedly saying that you were sorry too.

You kissed his tears dry and placed a kiss on his nose, his two eyelids and a longing one on his lips. You pulled back but he pulled you back making him sit on his lap.

"Works like a charm," he smirked as you groaned but deep down you knew those tears were real. "You don't have to hide your pain like that Hyunjin," you whispered as he smiled at you.

"I love you," he blurred out and you replied, "I love you more." "Impossible," he said as you laughed lightly in his embrace.

◗ ៹ HAN JISUNG ›

You and Han were throwing angry remarks at each other because of a stupid argument. At this point, none of you even remember what the argument was about.

After one point a very sudden stop came to your argument when you received a call from your mother. When you finished talking with her you noticed Jisung had already gone to bed.

You sighed softly before you made your way towards the bedroom and saw him sleep on one corner of the bed face turned away from you. You quickly did your night routine and sat up on the bed flicking the light switch off.

The cool breeze of the air conditioner blew in the darkroom as you contemplated your sleeping positions for a few minutes. Then you scooted closer to him before placing a hand on his hair.

Gently stroking it from the back you put another of your arm around his waist. "Ugh, I hate arguing with you, you are too irresistible to resist," you murmured as he turned towards you taking you by surprise.

"Yeah, you scared me," you laughed but he gave no response as you realised he was giving you the silent treatment. "No, please, not the silent treatment," you whined as his eyes bored into yours.

"Come on Ji, please," you threw a small tantrum throwing your body into his arms but he didn't hug back. Suddenly you thought of a plan as you started tickling him.

"Oh my god, stop," he screamed out throwing you off his body as you laughed heartily which he joined soon after. "You make it very hard to stay angry," he said in between his laughs.

He jumped over your body kissing you all over your face as you lay on the bed giggling. Giving a longing kiss on your lips you both smiled like two teenagers in love.

You loved the way you loved him, and you would gladly do it for life. So would he.

◗ ៹ LEE FELIX ›

"Well sometimes Mr Brownie Lee, I would like a brownie too," you screamed at him as he briskly ignored you flipping through the television channels.

"Oh do not even think of silent treatment," you whined as he gave no reply or acknowledged your presence. "You know what, I will make some myself," you said as you left the room gloomily.

Felix got a little concerned about you using the kitchen but let you nevertheless. After a few moments, he heard a scream as he ran towards the kitchen.

Walking inside he saw you holding your hand under cold, running water and a knife with a little blood beside it. "Why can't you be safe?" he grumbled holding up your hands and gently rubbing them underwater.

"Hey, you are talking," you exclaimed happily as he sighed kissing your forehead softly murmuring a soft 'I am sorry' in his deep voice.

"It is okay," you hummed out as he suggested, "Let's make them together after your finger is healed." You nodded in agreement, your insides bubbling in happiness.

"By the way, what were you doing with a knife for making brownies?" he asked being genuinely curious as you laughed nervously saying, "You do not have to know."

◗ ៹ KIM SEUNGMIN ›

"No Seungmin you do not understand. I have nothing with you not holding hands or any other affection in public. But even behind the doors, you do nothing. It is not fine, I have given you three months to loosen up but sometimes I will get impatient too if you keep being so unresponsive to every affection," you screamed finally getting rid of all the frustrations in your mind.

For the first two months, it was okay, but now you felt impatient. You just wanted a simple kiss or just a hug but he did nothing. Nothing.

Seungmin stayed quiet, absorbing your every word before he left the room and slammed the door after entering the bedroom. You sat down on his couch contemplating whether you should just leave and go to your apartment or you should apologise right now. But your alter ego said otherwise as it felt you did nothing wrong.

You clutched your head in your hands thinking of ways to approach him because he would never do it to you. 'There you go, making the first moves again,' a part of your mind screamed and you just wanted to cry at that moment.

It was already two hours as the fight had ended and you were still there. You went up to drink a glass of water and after drinking you made your way towards his room.

Entering it you started talking, not exactly apologising but profusely trying to make him understand all your points as he stayed silent, not even looking at you.

"Fine, if you want to give the silent treatment, it is okay, I guess I deserve it," you sighed and left the room, well, tried to.

Seungmin quickly pulled you by your hand making you sit beside him on the bed as he said in a loud, clear voice, "I am sorry."

"Oh," you were surprised at the suddenness as he continued rambling on about how he should have been more compassionate and tried to understand how you feel. He also said that he would be more affectionate from now on.

His never-ending speech was boring you so you quickly pecked his cheeks and he stopped talking, staring at you with those puppy eyes.

You thanked the gods for making these kinds of ideas actually work in real life but the thinking process was cut off again.

Seungmin leaned in towards you, his lips ghosting over yours as he asked with a whisper, "May I kiss you?"

◗ ៹ YANG JEONGIN ›

"You are always busy, you either have a big project coming up, or you have tuitions, or you have college classes. I realise it is hard for you and thus I do not meddle with anything you do. I do not drop you off at college because you are afraid of scandals. I do not meddle when you mix with your friends. I just want some time for myself, please. Is it too much for you to give? Because if it is then we should break up. I mean I am an idol who hardly gets any time and whenever I do, you are busy. In the next months, we will be on tour and I will not see you. But you know what? Nevermind!" Jeongin inhaled sharply after the long speech.

He left the room leaving you dumbfounded, not knowing what to do. Your mind has stopped working as you thought of multiple ways to make this up.

You closed your laptop and scurried towards your room only to find it locked and you could hear Jeongin's sniffles from inside which broke your heart.

You felt guilty for what you have done because he was right. He was not those annoying boyfriends who were all over their partners' lives.

He did give you space, a lot. But you have just been increasing that every day. You sat down outside the door leaning on it as you could still hear him crying.

You patiently waited for him to open but he ignored all your calls and messages. An hour later he did open the door.

But he wasn't talking. You made multiple attempts to get him to talk and make him stop giving you the torturous silent treatment but none worked.

"Please Innie, I am sorry, I promise I will make up for every single moment I have missed, just please don't leave, I can't live without you," you choked out as a tear rolled out of Jeongin's eyes.

He turned to you hugging you before saying, "Do you know how much I love you to leave you?" you cried with him as his shirt got wet and whispered 'I love you too'.

Maybe, this time, you both will give effort to this relationship.

ꔫㅤㅤ ❜ [ ara's notes ] ㅤ⋆ ㅤit was supposed to be really angsty but meh i can't write without fluff ꔫㅤㅤ ❜ [ taglist ] ㅤ⋆ ㅤ@haneagerr @jeonghanfr ㅤmain mlistㅤ skz listㅤ navi ㅤ add to taglist

© arafilez on tumblr. please do not copy and repost my work as your own.

[noobsoconfusing]

‘pothead? more like pot no head!’ hamzahthefantastic

summary: hamzah and you get high together very often, however this time is different, as you both take too much and end up greening out in different ways.

warnings: awkwardness, inexperienced hamzah and reader, cum, cringe.

>_<

“holy shit! holy f-fuck!” hamzah rubbed his heavy eyes, staring half lidded at your limp body passed out on his lap.

damn, he felt so overstimulated. his senses failing on him, per usual.

the smoke surrounding the living room –and yourselves– felt thick, almost like he could munch on it if he wanted to, and each time he breathed in he felt even more zooted.

and ow, fuck! you looked so beautiful. the light freckles, almost invisible, surrounding specific areas of your face, and then some imperfections that hamzah considered perfect on you –the same he considered ugly on him– you had dark circles under your eyes, and messy hair that covered your face almost entirely, but still he was able to peek at your flushed cheeks.

‘no! hamzah, stop! she could be fucking dead!’ –he thought to himself, regaining an ounce of consciousness through the warm haze that filled his brain and body.

“hey…” he shook your body, trying to keep his eyes off of your torso, though it was almost impossible for him. hamzah’s eyes drifted down, sheepishly admiring how the oversized shirt you were wearing –that yeah, in fact was his– rode up..

but as he kept shaking your body with his bigger hands, he realised you were far gone. that, of course, scared him shitless.

“oh my god..!” hamzah considered calling martin, but it was roughly 4 am, he wouldn’t be awake.

hamzah felt like he was losing the ability to breathe properly. his heart was beating so fast and blood going to every single direction inside of his body.

literally every single direction. fuck. oh no.

“y/n, are you… are you awake?” hamzah saw double lines, so fucking high. “oh god she’s dead, she’s fucking dead…” he felt like crying he was so fucking panicked.

and the scene was quite funny, tense even. how was he going to tell the police that you guys got super high that you probably had a heart attack? even worse! how was he going to explain the stupid fucking hard-on he had been resisting to beat since the fucking weed settled on him?

crying with a stupid hard-on was pathetic. crying stoned out of his damn head, with his possibly dead roomie laying next to him was dumb.

everything was dumb! nothing made sense to him at that moment, ugh, so confusing!

crying next to the girl he yearned for, the girl he liked since he first saw in that roommate application was beyond pathetic. and you were both high.

“oh god, please!” he yelled so fucking loud, which made you scramble out of your slumber. “i know you hate me! doesn’t matter cause you’re uh, like, you’re dead, but oh god! i like you.. so much and.. man i just…wanted to smoke with you… maybe make out… maybe even dip it! but y/n please don’t, uh, don’t kill me in my sleep too! oh my fucking god!” he rambled as he slurred his words from how high he was.

hamzah had this problem. one of many. where he would overthink and panick and talk his brain off as if his body had no power over him, only his thoughts. that maximised when he was zooted.

due to his extreme yapping, you found yourself awake on the couch, but you couldn’t move or speak. your limbs felt floaty and numb and your body felt so lightweight that you wondered if you were human still.

but hamzah’s greened out voice was getting on your stoned nerves

“mmm…” you slowly opened your eyes, red as fuck. “hamzah, a-are you tweaking?” your voice groggy after smoking only turned him on even more, and he felt so bad for thinking lewd stuff about you.

his eyes blew up wide, like two round red leds. he threw himself into your smaller frame, engulfing you in a big hug. he groaned out of satisfaction.

groaned again when he felt your body so close to his. so warm. so soft.

“holy fuck! you’re not dead! oh shit, y/n i fucking love you, i love you i love you, god i was scared shitless..” as high as he was, he meant it, he had been wanting to admit that for such a long time but sober he didn’t have the balls to.

you gave into the embrace and snuggled closer to his warmth. his words vague, though you cherished them and how sincere he sounded, it was almost impossible to concentrate in that state of mind. all you could do was enjoy the proximity.

so comfortable, so nice, and..

“im sorry im hard..!” hamzah pulled away from the hug to look down at his almost unbearable boner. his eyes wide and glossy like marbles looked at you like a kicked dog asking for help.

you see, in his right mind he wouldn’t even mention it, he wouldn’t even look at its direction. but he was definitely not in his right mind, right?

he surely knew how to silence a room.

“huh?” you stared at him confused and rubbing your right eye, pouting. looking like a fucking goddess. so cute. so beautiful it made hamzah wanna just explode.

here comes the world vomit. high trait of his.

“im sorry i have a boner. like, okay, it’s so painfully hard that i feel sorry because weed, well, weed makes me super fucking horny and on top of that you’re here and i think you’re so pretty and i love you so oddly much… im sorry i got a boner,” he swallowed the knot inside his throat. “i am sorry, so sorry. i love you though? is that weird? do you think it’s weird?..”

seconds that felt like hours passed and you would just switch stares between hamzah’s reddened face and the notorious bulge inside his grey sweats.

he felt like dying. and you were just sitting there, looking fuckable and so pretty, and he was just melting there waiting for a reaction from you, trying not to burst like a teen.

hamzah almost felt as if the high was gone from how nervous he got, but feeling sober was way worse.

you got closer, but it was like you were being pushed by an invisible force. like a magnet attracting you to hamzah’s shivering body.

your hands trembled badly.

no, you did not know what possessed you to crawl over him and caress his face, he was sweating cold, and his eyes far gone intoxicated.

“w-what are you…?” you laughed at how he pronounced the sentence, your giggles almost like a whisper.

tension so dense it could be cut with a knife

the eye contact was stupidly intense, both of your gazes drowsy and tired, eyes heavy and itchy from the smoke around you.

when your hand moved south, hamzah’s eyebrows knitted together and his mouth fell open wide, choking a whine. it was extremely weird how a little touch could make him feel so excited, and got him even harder, if it was even possible…

“dude, you’re bricked…” you said, feeling him up through the grey sweats.

he subconsciously thrusted his hips upwards to your hand, which you quickly moved away, earning a pathetic moan from him.

“nooo, owww!” he pouted, eyes teary.

it was funny.

“no! hey!..” he pleaded, grabbing your hand and trying to place it over his boner again, but you giggled at his impatience and swatted his bigger palm away. “y/n! p-please, h-hey, you can’t just..” he shrieked desperately. “please?”

hamzah was willing to jerk off right then and there, not minding your presence. even better for him, he would cum to your image, to your feel, to your sight.

that would totally cross the roommate line, wouldn’t it?

neither of you were experienced though, and as fucked up as you were, you also didn’t wanna ruin it, ruin whatever was going on between you two.

you got too nervous. nervous at the sight of him so fucked out over nothing. you never had a guy like that, never so desperate for you. or a guy at all. hamzah made you feel so stupid, so weird inside. so warm.

oh, so nervous…

“uh, do you want another hit?” suddenly, you got up looking for the rest of the blunt. too lightheaded to function. too nervous to continue. a good excuse.

hamzah stared at you in disbelief. then down at his pants. then at you again. he smiled, but it was such a hot smile. he looked so good, so fucked up.

“we are pretty cooked though, don’t you think?”

you shrugged. “whats the worst that could happen?”

so you grabbed the special blunt on the night table, and the lighter too. slid it into your mouth and lighted the pre rolled, you inhaled and swallowed the smoke in, turning over to hamzah and then blowing out the smoke on his face.

he stared at you with his mouth wide open, trying to take some of you in. so drunk on you.

and so, the worst thing that could happen, happened.

hamzah felt like he lost balance, his eyes rolled back into his skull and tried to reach for your hand to hold while a gutural moan erupted from the back of his throat, just as he emptied himself in his sweats..

came untouched. just at the sight of you blowing smoke out on his face.

“f-fuck, im so so so sorry, i didn’t… i- i just, i don’t know… you’re so pretty and…” he started rambling yet again and you felt so silly.

your gaze softened on him, and hamzah felt less embarrassed when he realised you weren’t angry or grossed out. your soft eyes felt gentle and he knew you weren’t judging him.

“it’s fine… i guess.” you avoided staring at the wet puddle forming inside his pants, and he giggled nervously too.

time passed by, maybe not really. you felt as time flew by too slowly, and found yourself lost in hamzah’s big eyes again. both of you staring at each other while sitting on the couch, the blunt consuming itself far forgotten but still creating smoke.

hamzah cleared his throat. “i feel sticky.”

“i bet you do.” you replied.

“have you ever…” he started but you quickly interrupted him.

“no head, hamzah!”

>_<

yay first small fanfic here ^_^ unbelievably cringe though, might have to kms.

[rebeltigera]

WAIT, hold on, I need more info about Mac in heat.

Is Wukong taking care of everything? Did it take them by surprise or Mac just forgot to mention it to Wukong? Is Wukong, idk, making sure everything is alright? Like,,, like the nest! Does he bring more pillows and stuff or is Mac one of those that prefers more space than being surrounded by things?

PLEASE GIVE US MOFE INFO 🥺

(ALSO, bc I almost forgot about them, are the cubs with them too?)

—🐵🐵

If that would happen like trillion years ago wukong in fact would take care of Mac But it's happening in the healing arc. Somewhere after Mac healed from the wound by scroll , but not enough for them to be that close to each other (HA, the first time will be years later from now ) So Mac told Wukong to not come visit his island for a whole week. Excuse? Pif was there It wasn't much of a lie- Pif indeed spends every Mac's heat with him so he don't feel alone, they also meet up with Chang'e and they have their "wine party" (it happens like once per 5 years) It's literally for the purpose of Mac not being alone in those days

Usually it works well enough , tho this time Pif wasn't there whole time, after many assurances from Mac that was quite still clear-headed , she departed before the thing was over and well, Mac got lonely either way

And he tends to overthink and self loathe when drunk, on herbs and during heat So he wasn't really in the good place on the rest of last day

The cubs were there alr- they got worried. And where they could go ? To the only person they thought can help, a one-year protector of the island during the scroll fiasco - Wukong.

Wukong worried visited the island (He wouldn't disobey Mac's orders in normal situation but his cubs came seeking for help) , and seeing Mac curled all in one of the common rooms , left alone , under some blankets, smelling all wrong - He took him back to his room , where his nest was . It was much better than that common room . Mac all delirious thought mostly it's hallucination , Wukong stayed with him- not entering the nest , giving up his phoenix robe, not providing more than smell and some semblance of warmth - U have no idea how he mourned that moment. He'd bring mac the best materials, pillows, blankets , helping him create the best and comfiest nest they could create , full of fluffy things because mac love them He couldn't do more in this situation . The hell would rise if he would , The moment When Mac would stop smelling wrong he'd be out. But the robe would stay

[mummyemmatojames]

35. A Fussy Toddler: Naptime to the Rescue

Hello, lovely community! Emma here, your Mummy-in-training, with an update on our MDLB and FLR journey after an interesting day with James. He was a fussy little toddler all morning, and after trying to manage it, I stumbled onto a solution that worked wonders—a surprise nap. It’s added a great new tool to my Mummy toolbox, and I’m excited to share how it played out!

A Morning of Fussiness

Today started off rocky—James was fussy from the moment he got up (after I went to get him, per our new morning rule). He kept asking for things in this whiny, restless way that’s rare for him lately. First, it was access to his phone—I’d locked it to 4+ apps, but he wanted more, so I gave in and let him have it for a bit. Then he asked for a biscuit, even though he knows he needs my permission for snacks and I’d rather he have fruit. Next, he begged to play Call of Duty, which he knows Mummy doesn’t like—it’s too grown-up and intense for his little space. It went on like this—pushing one boundary after another, his tone getting grumpier each time I said no or redirected him.

I could tell he wasn’t himself. Normally, he’s pretty good about our rules, but today, it was like he couldn’t settle—everything was a battle, and I was starting to feel worn out. He wasn’t tantruming, just persistently fussy, like a toddler who’s overtired or out of sorts. I tried distracting him with his train set, then a little nursing session, but nothing stuck. That’s when it hit me—maybe he needed a nap.

Naptime Without Warning

I decided to act without overthinking it. Around 11:00 AM, after another round of “But Muuuummy, why not?” about something trivial, I took his hand and said firmly, “That’s enough, sweetheart. It’s nap time.” He looked surprised—no warning, no negotiation—and I led him straight to bed. I grabbed one of the formula bottles I’ve been using to top up his feeds (since I’m not producing enough milk), warmed it up quick, and tucked him in with it. “You’re going to rest now,” I told him, popping the bottle in his mouth and pulling the covers up. He grumbled a little—“I’m not tired, Mummy”—but didn’t fight me hard.

I left the room, turned on the baby monitor, and watched. To my amazement, he was asleep within 20 minutes, bottle half-finished, curled up like a little boy. I’d planned to leave him for a full hour anyway, just to be sure he got a proper break, so I let him stay there, checking the monitor now and then. When I went back at noon to get him up, he was just stirring, rubbing his eyes with this soft, sleepy smile. “Hi, Mummy,” he mumbled, and I could tell the fussiness was gone—he was so much happier, like a reset button had been hit.

A Happier Afternoon—and Bedtime Too

The rest of the day was a dream compared to the morning. James didn’t fuss or complain once after his nap—he played with his Lego quietly, asked for a snack (an apple, which I happily cut up for his safari bowl), and even thanked me without prompting. It was like the grumpiness had melted away, and he was back to his sweet, cooperative self. I’d worried the nap might throw off his early 8:30 PM bedtime—since he already gets plenty of sleep with his 7:30 routine start—but it didn’t. Tonight, he nursed, took his formula top-up, and fell asleep as usual, no fuss at all. The nap seemed to slot right into his day without disrupting anything.

A New Tool in Mummy’s Box

This was such a revelation—a nap as a tool for handling fussiness! I know James gets enough sleep with his early bedtime, so I hadn’t thought he’d need more, but today showed me that even a well-rested little boy can get out of sorts sometimes. That 20-minute snooze (and the full hour of quiet) turned his mood around completely, and it gave me a break too—I sipped tea and regrouped while he rested. It’s definitely going in my Mummy toolbox now—not an everyday thing, but a go-to when he’s fussy or pushing boundaries like he was this morning.

I love how it fits our dynamic too—leading him to bed with a bottle, tucking him in, and checking the monitor felt so natural, like I’m caring for my toddler when he needs it most. It’s another way to guide him, reset him, and keep our day on track. I might even try it again next time he’s cranky—maybe with a little warning so he’s not so surprised, though the no-discussion approach worked well today.

What Do You Think?

I’d love to hear from the community—have you used naps as a fix for fussiness in your dynamic? How do you decide when it’s time, especially if they already sleep early like James? For those with bottles in the mix, does it help settle them for naps like it did for him? And if you’ve got other tricks for turning a fussy day around, I’d be so grateful—I’m always eager to add to my toolbox!

Thank you for being here as we discover these little wins. Seeing James happier after his nap made my day, and I’m so glad this worked out.

With all my love,

Emma (aka Mummy) 💕

[huskyscc]

lacy

pairings - jenna ortega x g!n reader (no pronouns specified)

wc - 2100+ (not proofread)

warnings - none

summary - you thought jenna was someone with the perfect life, she seemed happy enough. you just didn't know how bad she was struggling with everything.

masterlist

» [Lacy by Olivia Rodrigo now playing] «

1:45 ────〇── 2:57 ⇄ ◃◃ ⅠⅠ ▹▹ ↻

for the longest time, all you could remember was her talent and carefree nature.

you remember a lot about her, actually. how she would laugh over stupid things and not have a care in the world. when her natural talent was brought up, she always remained humble about it and even made small jokes about it. you loved her confidence, but you yearned for it. at least something along those lines.

it started ever since you were kids, seven or eight years old at least. you and Jenna were best friends, stuck together like glue at the hip 24/7. there was never a day where you two would be separated or apart. it drove your parents crazy.

You two would spend everyday hanging out together, and as you grew, so did your bond... though, your play dates and sleepovers were always canceled early because Jenna usually had to do something along the lines of acting or of some sort.

It was just a few times every few weeks at first, then almost every week, then daily. it cut the time between the two of you, causing your distance to become thicker as she spent more and more time away from her childhood era.

some days, you would just spend sitting on the sidewalk along Jenna's home as you waited for her, knowing she wasn't going to show up. the feeling never went away, the yearning for her to return. you were 13 when she came back.

by the time she did come back for more than a few days, she was... different. not in a bad, mean way, no. she was different in her demeanor and how she acted.

she was especially different with how she talked towards you. her eyes roamed you experimentally, as if studying you for a moment before she spoke. you finally went to cut the silence, though she beat you to it.

"You've... grown." Jenna spoke softly in a soft murmur, her eyes still glancing at you as if recognizing- no, remembering you to memory. you tried to catch up with Jenna, but her news was much more interesting than you catching a few frogs here and there and crashing your bike.

you wanted to be a good friend, listening intently as she spoke so highly of her new career that she enjoyed. you saw the way her eyes sparked - the way they hadn't sparked like that since before she left made your stomach turn in anxiety.

it was a small grow in your belly at first, though you ignored it with the feeling of success for Jenna. you showered her constantly with affection and amusement.

you continued to push the feeling away, though it only seemed to gnaw harder at you as you both continued to grow.

───

Jenna was leaving for the night. she had told you previously a few days back that she would be hosting SNL monologue, which you were impressed about.

"It's a bit weird, don't ya think? I mean, not this place. I love being here," Jenna gestured to the comfort of the shared hotel between the two of you.

"you mean weird as in...?" you perk, your mind curious as you glance at her. she looked up at you and gave an awkward smile, "uh.. not being home?" she took a breath before slumping beside you on the couch.

you nod in agreement, sniffing as her perfume hit you. "yeah, but not too weird. I like being here with you, anyway." you say in a lighthearted tone, to which Jenna gave a warm smile to.

"are you gonna watch my monologue? what if I forget it? what if someone else forgets their part?" she started rambling, her brain working 100 miles per hour as each what if theory grew within.

"Jen." you say in a gentle yet firm tone, trying to ground her once more. she gave a look of slight embarrassment but nodded in question.

"yeah..?" she inquired. you chuckle slightly as you move a stray strand of hair from her face. "you're overthinking this. you know how great you are!" you say with a soft expression, honesty gleaming in your eyes.

Jenna gave an honest, lighthearted smile at your words as she slowly nodded her head in agreement. "yeah," she took a deep breath in. "I probably am just overthinking this," she laughed it off.

Jenna was always on the more talented side of things when it came to remembering and acting out things. you were just... there. you weren't excellent at anything, you were just there for Jenna and she was there for you.

as Jenna prepared to leave, she gave you a small hum of goodbye. she stammered out the apartments as you call out to her, "see you! and i'll watch it, promise!" you promised her, to which she gave a warm smile of gratitude before she finally left for the night.

The glow of the TV was bright against the dimly lit room. you were slumped into the couch, wearing a pair of shorts and a hoodie that you found on your floor. most likely Jenna's.

you had watched Jenna's monologue, to which she did amazing with, no doubt. you just... felt that pit in your stomach once more.

you wanted to excuse it, trying to convince yourself that you were feeling excited for your friend as you watched her grow into the woman she is today... but you would be lying if you said that.

that was far from the truth. it's not that you were jealous of Jenna and her success, you were jealous of how carefree she seemed to be and how at bay she looked 25/8.

you, on the other hand, were almost always stressing about your job and if you'd get fired based off something as small as forgetting to move a box from one place to another.

Jenna loved her job from what you had heard, and it even gave her more opportunities. way more than you ever got. Jenna just seemed more talented than you in everything.

It seemed that she poisoned every little thing that you did with her own charm, causing you to have no effect on anything or anyone.

you didn't know how to handle it, you just wanted that ache in your stomach to disappear.

you give a long exhale, pressing your back into the couch cushions with a hum of contentment. you turn the TV off, slipping a blanket up to your chest as you got comfortable whilst waiting for Jenna.

It wasn't much longer until she came, giving a small yawn as she walked through the door. she seemed tired. you turn your head in an instant, humming at her presence. "hey! I told you that you'd do good." you say.

Jenna gives a hearty laugh, her dimples evident before she threw her bag aside and crawled onto the couch with a slump onto the cushion. "I'm so exhausted." she murmured.

initially, you took it as a more rhetorical statement than serious. you figured she was just tired from doing so much today - you didn't consider the fact that it might be her expressing how mentally drained she was.

you give a small chuckle at her words, turning your head to look at the brunette girl as you toss the blanket over her, as well. "is that so?" you perk an eyebrow, as if not believing her. "you're naturally talented. surely, it can't be too hard?" you offer.

Jenna gives a shake of her head, her expression puzzled as she eyed you. "too hard?" she scoffed slightly. she gave a small huff, her brows pinched together in confusion as she glanced at you. "i'm exhausted." she empathized the word now, her eyes softened in a drained way. she gave a small frown.

you glance at her frown, then back up to her eyes. "...you mean, like, mentally?" you perk quietly, as if afraid to say the wrong thing to the girl, who nods her head. your expression falls flat as realization hits you like a train. was being naturally talented and pursuing it really that hard? your stomach churned.

"this is so tiring. I feel like I don't get to hangout with you anymore because of work- even if we live together!" she carries on her words with a small droop of her shoulders. she shook her head, pinching the bridge of her nose in frustration, and you could see the sadness building up inside her.

you gave a small puzzled look, not expecting this from her. talented, carefree Jenna... maybe you should have expected it. I mean, no one is perfect? "but-" you began, though, your mouth remained stuck open as your throat dried and your words died out.

Jenna looked at you, curious as to what you were going to continue saying with hooded eyes. it was just then you took notice of Jenna. real notice. you took in her appearance at once, your eyes flickering with concern and empathy.

her eyes were worn and seemingly empty, showing little to no expression as the eye bags under her eyes are evident when her face is studied. her hair is ruffled and there's a bit of torn skin on her bottom lip, indicating her anxiety getting the best of her.

"oh, baby..." the words slipped from your tongue as if it was the most natural thing in the world. Jenna gave a small wince as you moved, her eyes tired. "c'mere," you breathe softly as you open your arms up for her, your chest burning with sympathy for the brown haired girl.

Jenna looks up at you before crawling within your grasp, her heartbeat staggered as she rested against you. you open your mouth to speak, your words coming out softer and weaker than intended. "i'm sorry- I had no clue you were so... tired." you say gently.

Jenna shakes her head against the fabric of your hoodie, her gaze unwavering as she looks up to you. "y/n," she sniffled. "I- I didn't know how to tell you. I thought living together would be the perfect solution but-" her voice chokes out as it creeps away.

"perfect solution to what, Jen?" you asked softly, trying to grasp an understanding of how her mind exactly worked and how her thought process brought her to this moment.

"the perfect solution for feeling so... empty and lost." she exhaled. she brought her gaze to the ground below, messing with her fingers in an anxious state whilst hiding from your gaze, as if scared.

you frowned at her honest words, rubbing her back softly as she choked out her words. "I should've noticed. don't feel bad, Jen." you coo gently, trying to calm her nerves. yet, she still shook her head, her eyes brimmed with tears.

"I am so tired. all the time. I want to be the best for you and for everyone else who's looking up to me, like my fans! but, i-" you cut her words off with a sigh. "Jenna." you say, a bit stern.

She gives you a hesitant look, her gaze curious as she glanced up at you. "yeah?" she said in a breathy voice, her eyes softened as her gaze met yours.

"you don't have to make anyone the happiest besides yourself. if you aren't happy, you shouldn't push yourself until you're emptied out... you should take a break." you whisper softly, as if nervous that if your tone was a bit higher, she'd be scared off.

Jenna nodded slightly in understanding, her movements slow as she took it into thought. "but, my fans-" she started. "forget your fans. just for now. worry about yourself so your fans don't have to, yeah?" you say with a small, reassuring smile.

Jenna listened with an intent glare, taking every word to heart. "yeah... yeah, okay." she muttered quietly at last, her gaze soft as she looked up at you.

you give her a ruffle of her hair as you pull her beside you, allowing her to be enveloped whole by the blanket. you wipe her eyes of her damp tears, giving her a concerned yet caring glare.

Jenna looked at you once more before taking a small breath, inhaling and exhaling deeply before nuzzling into the side of the hoodie. she took in a whiff of your scent, her body easing against yours as she closed her eyes. she was tired.

you whisper sweet words, small promises, and even heartfelt comments as she drifted off. you toy with her hair for a bit longer before moving your fingers away, holding her against you like a lifeline as you closed your eyes, as well.

oh, how wrong you were about someone who seemed to be made of perfect angel dust.

[littlemissmentallyunstable]

title: the dancer and the angel part 2

pairing: grayson hawthorne x (first person) reader

synopsis: lyra kane is closer to your boyfriend than ever seen as grayson has just been put of her team in the grandest game and it’s making you a little nervous, you don’t trust her and you don’t want her too close to him

parts: part 1 part 3 part 4 part 5

warnings: mild swearing, SPOILERS FOR TGG

a/n: I had quite a few requests for a part 2, so here she is… trying to get into my productive era right now (fake it till you make it right??)

tag list: @tornqdowarnings @whatsamongus @wish-i-were-heather @inmyheaddd @never-enough-novels @sweetlikeanangel @lxvebelle @xoxo-vee @emelia07 @f4iry-bell @zaraaaabear @thoughtdaughter3 @benny1989fredd @elysianwayy77 @maybxlle @sheisntyou @anintellectualintellectual @aleatorio1234

RECAP

“Whose team is he on?” I say quickly.

“Odette Morales and Lyra Kane.”

***

Lyra Kane. Lyra Kane. Lyra Kane. The name rattles around my brain, echoing off of my skull, only to replay in my mind again. Of course it just has to be Lyra Kane that he’s on a team with. That breathtaking woman with beauty that shouldn’t be possible for a human. Yeah, that Lyra Kane. I feel like laughing and crying all at the same time, so I express nothing instead. Why did it have to be her? Out of all of the players.

I’m not jealous, I try to convince myself, I’m just concerned. Yes, that’s it. Except it isn’t and the only person I’m lying to is pathetic little old me. I am ferociously jealous. It scolds me torturously, raging from the pit of my stomach, crawling under my skin to settle comfortably.

Grayson loves me, I know this. I felt the kisses we’d shared on the beach moments before he’d gone into the stupid house. They still linger on my lips now, I could taste him slightly, I’d heard him say he loved me, only me and yet I can’t get the feeling out of my system. The jealousy always manages to seep its way back in. I’m sick with a disease called envy.

I don’t want to be the jealous girl, the possessive one that people roll their eyes at or avoid. That’s not me. I didn’t want it to be me. But deep down I’m petrified that that’s who I’m becoming. I sigh, realising I was just going to have to swallow it. What could I do about it now? Besides I know Grayson, I trust Grayson. He wouldn’t let her try anything on, would he?

***

Hours of waiting and not watching. We couldn’t see the players at all. Or hear them. Anxiety is killing me slowly from the inside out, gnawing happily at my organs. I spin the ring on my middle finger as my leg jigs up and down, counting down the seconds until sunrise, four-thousand one-hundred and eight-two to go.

“You know you don’t have to look so panicked all the time,” Nash sighs, slumping down beside me.

“I’m not panicked,” I say, forcing a laugh.

“Sure darlin’,” he says, “my name’s Roger and I have a pet turtle.”

I roll my eyes, fighting the urge to smile, “I mean it, I’m fine.”

“It’s completely safe in there, we designed it that way,” he explains slowly, soothingly, “no one’s going to get hurt and there’s an emergency button just in case.”

“Okay,” I nod, exhaling.

I don’t believe him and his words don’t offer me much comfort. My overthinking brain is currently listing all of the ways Grayson could possibly die in the next ten minutes. But Nash is trying and I’m thankful to have him.

“At least pretend you’re convinced,” he drawls, a twinkle in his eyes.

Maybe I’m not convinced that everything’s going to be fine but I am convinced Nash has a sixth sense called ‘big brother knows all’ because for some reason he always knew everyone’s thoughts and feelings, even when they were trying to hide it. Either that or he’s a mind reader.

“I am,” I tell him, as convincingly as I could muster, “everything’s going to be fine.”

“Shit!” Jameson yells from across the room, perfect timing as per usual.

“What?” I hear Avery ask quickly.

“The powers gone out,” he says, smacking the table so hard I didn’t know how he didn’t break a bone.

“What do you mean the powers gone out?” I say, standing up and walking over.

“I mean they have no light, no heaters and they ate completely locked in by the mechanisms,” he explains, gesturing to the blank screens.

“We’ve lost all connection to them as well,” Xander murmurs, eyes darting from left to right at each and every screen.

“Everything?” I exclaim, trying not to get over-anxious and failing miserably.

“Yes,” Jameson confirms.

“You’re panicking her,” Nash scolds him.

“Well she asked I’m not going to lie,” he defends.

“Not the time to argue guys,” Avery rolls her eyes, getting back to the computer. Jameson follows her lead, trying to reconnect the lost signals.

“Shit shit shit,” he groans as more things shut off. He slams his hands down on the keyboard and starts guessing random buttons, “Xand help me out here,”

“Don’t you worry, dearest brother,” Xander replies calmly, “I’m working on it.”

Silence hits us like the dead. We’re all intently staring up the layers and layers of code coming up on the several screens. I can’t understand any of it.

“This is Python,” Jameson points at one of the scenes.

“Yeah and this is Java,” Xander nods, “but I have no clue what this is.”

“Shit,” Jameson curses, running a hand through his hair, reminding me of Grayson when he was overstimulated.

“Not yet,” he replies, turning to the other Hawthorne brother present, ��Nash do you remember when I was in fifth grade-“

“The de-coder book?” he says before Xander even finishes.

“Please,” he nods sharply.

“Got it,” he replies, rushing out of the room.

“Do you have any idea what they’re talking about?” I whisper to Avery

“Absolutely none,” she shrugs, looking as clueless as me offering me some comfort.

“Who would even cut the power?” Jameson asks to nobody in particular.

Avery and I share a look. I already know we’re thinking the same thing.

“Grayson is in there, does she know that?” I ask quickly.

“I don’t know,” she replied, chewing the inside of her cheek

“She?” Jameson interrupts. We both ignore him.

“Don’t you think he’ll be her prime target,” I say, the worry warping my tone a little in a way that made me sound a little too vulnerable for my liking.

“Target?” Jameson says. We ignore him, again.

“Most likely, if it is her,” Avery sighs, tapping her bottom lip melodically.

Jameson looks at Xander, baffled, “are they speaking in code?”

“I’m kind of concentrating right now Jamie, please don’t talk to me,” he responds, not taking his eyes off of the computer screens as he attempts to decode.

“Who are you talking about?” Jameson raises his voice a little, forcing me and Avery to address his question.

“This could be Eve,” Avery says softly.

“Eve?” Xander says, freezing mid-type and actually lifting his head up.

“No surely not,” Jameson shakes his head in denial.

“Think about it,” I say, “who else can you think that would want go sabotage this game?”

“Anyone who fancies a good bit of money,” he states, “and it could be nothing at all.”

“A power cut isn’t nothing,” I argue.

“I hate to agree the circumstance,” Avery exhales, “but it’s true, this feels like a threat of sorts.”

“And we can’t contact the players meaning anything could happen right now,” I say, worry bleeding into my voice.

Jameson’s face softens.

“But they’re locked in,” Nash points out, sauntering back in, “no one is getting in or out, that means they can’t be hurt.”

He hands the decoding book to Xander who frantically flips through the pages to find something in particular.

“Windows can be smashed,” I point out.

“You think whoever this is would risk smashing a window,” Nash asks, with his eyebrows raised.

“I don’t know how these people work,” I snap, throwing my hands up in the arm.

“You’re shaking,” he says softly.

I look up to see my shaking limbs. Immediately they drop to my sides and I desperately try to still them, “no I’m not-“

“Breathe a little okay, Gray will be fine,” he reassures me, his tone placid, as he delicately takes my shaking hands between his.

“Look as long as they all stay put no one should get hurt,” Avery says calmly, “the glass on the windows are double glazed and harder to smash than the average window, that is if they’re going to risk that.”

“Besides Xander’s on it,” Jameson adds.

Xander sticks a thumb into the air, still audibly tapping the keyboard with the other, “whoever did this is incredibly skilled at hacking and annoyingly so,” he mutters in reply.

No one talks. We are all just stood in silence, barely daring to breathe not wanting to break Xander’s concentration. Mine and Avery’s hands are intertwined, gripping the others so tightly that our fingers are white. Xander is frantic. He’s practically sweating as he types quickly and clicks buttons I didn’t even know existed. And just when it seemed like he might be getting somewhere more and more boxes of undeciphered code popped up. I’m close to being hopeless when Xander leans back in his seat.

“We’re back up and running,” Xander announces, “lights, buttons, connections, locks, everything.”

Avery and I squeal, hugging each other tightly. Relief floods through my body and I’m giddy with it. Xander stands up and breathes out slowly.

I kiss his cheek in affection and gratitude, platonically, “thank you Xander.”

“You’re welcome,” he says.

“I owe you a scone,” Jameson tells with a slap on the back.

“That, you do,” he nods with a wide grin.

“What do we tell the players?” Nash asks, reminding us that the game is still going and the players will be wondering what the hell just went on.

“Do we tell them the truth?” Xander asks.

“We don’t even know the truth,” Jameson tells him.

“Then we tell them what we know,” Avery says, “Nash?”

“You got it kid,” he nods.

Xander slides an arms around me.

“Sorry ‘bout that folks,” Nash drawls through the microphone, “brief technical snafu on our end, but we’re back. You still have sixty three minutes until dawn. As long as at least one team makes it down to the dock by the deadline, the rules still stand.”

It’s fine, everything will be fine. Three thousand seven hundred and eighty seconds left. I rest my head on Xander’s shoulder and he puts his head on mine. I think he’s the only thing that’s holding me up at the moment. If he weren’t I’m pretty sure my body would be some sort of odd shaped puddle of consumed thoughts on the carpet. Only one sentence goes through my head, over and over and over. I can’t wait to have my arms around Grayson again.

***

It’s almost sunrise when we make our way to the dock so we’ll be there for when the players make it out. If they make it out. I walk in between Xander and Nash, trying to keep up with their obscenely large leg strides. Avery and Jameson lead the way holding hands. My heart squeezes, it won’t be too long before I see Grayson again. I know it seemed stupid, we had only been apart for a few hours, but those hours had felt like weeks given all of the events that had taken place. Not to mentioned the long prolonging wait of which I couldn’t see or hear him.

And there was still something going around in my head. Something about him being with Lyra Kane for this long in such close proximity. It was grating at me, but I push the feelings down and bury them under a mound that I’m trying to ignore.

“Want to have a bet?” Xander ruffles my hair, stealing me from being consumed by my own thoughts.

I slap him away, “I’ve heard it’s dangerous to wager with a Hawthorne.”

“What’s my brother been telling you?” he asks.

“Mum’s the word,” I wink back, tapping my nose.

“What’s your bet on little brother?” Nash asks.

“What team will make it first,” Xander grins, mischievous glint in his eye.

His brotehr grins towards the sky, “had a feeling it might be.”

“I’m bias then,” I scoff.

“Okay so your Hearts,” Xander says.

“Hang on I never agreed to this bet,” I exclaim, holding my hands up to surrender.

“Whoever wins gets a scone,” he bribes me.

“That only benefits you,” Nash points out.

“Actually I would also benefit, I like scones,” I smile sheepishly,

“See? Who are you voting Nash?” Xander asks.

“I’ll go with Clubs, I’m rooting for Gigi,” Nash shrugs.

Xander nods, “that means I’m going with Diamonds.”

“You don’t have to,” I tell him.

“Yes I do, otherwise it’s uneven,” he says. I wasn’t going to argue.

“Who would your original vote gone to?” I ask.

He smiles at me, a cheeky glint in his eyes, “no one shall ever know.”

“What are you three wittering about,” Jameson says, interrupting the train of conversation as he turns around.

“Probably something better than the lovesick whispers you two are sharing,” Xander teases.

“Xand-“

The thumping of footsteps cut him off. It’s a race. Hearts and Diamonds are out. Savannah is the fastest, Rohan hot on her heels. Though Lyra takes them both over in a matter of seconds. She must be a runner. Would explain the to-die-for figure. Grayson is close behind her thought Odette trailed behind slightly, but for a woman of her age she’s doing remarkably well. They all arrive within milliseconds of each other, breathless and rosy-cheeked.

“Congratulations Diamonds and Hearts, you’ve made it,” Avery smiles.

“Where’s Clubs?” Savannah asks, its only then I notice how her longs blonde hair has been chopped off unevenly. It makes her look even colder than before, sending a chill down my spine

“Still playing,” Jameson says.

“Gray,” I breathe in relief, as he takes me into his arms.

Something about the hug feels unnatural maybe even slightly uncomfortable, but I brush it off. We’d both been awake for far too long. I couldn’t trust my judgement on this little sleep.

“You okay?” I murmur into his shoulder.

“Fine,” he replies, so only I can hear him.

“Good.”

It hit sunrise and something sinks in my stomach. Clubs haven’t made it. Gigi is out of the game. This is going to destroy her. We all wait in silence. All knowing Clubs have failed, all knowing the disappointment we’d have to see on their faces. My heart is thumping loudly in my chest, I can hear it in my ears. I grip onto Grayson’s hand tightly. I catch Lyra’s honey golden eyes. She looks me up and down as I narrow my eyes at her. I can’t read her body language towards me, it was difficult to make out what she was thinking or feelings. I turn away and try not to think too much of it.

There’s sound coming from the left of us and in the distance there are three figures. Everyone’s eyes snap to the three remaining players who’s hearts are probably all sinking in realisation that they were nit longer players in this game. Then I notice what’s in Knox’s arms or rather who… Knox is carrying a bleeding Gigi. My stomach twists. Grayson freezes beside me.

“Put her down,” Grayson says sternly, his voice commanding authority.

Immediately Knox gently places Gigi down, making sure she was stable before he completely let go. We rush to her side immediately. Grayson putting a protective arm around her shoulder, his eyes flitting between the gash on her head and her face.

“Oh god Gigi,” I murmur tentatively touching her bloodied head to assess how severe it is.

“I’m fine,” she winces, blinking back tears.

“You are not,” Grayson says, his voice hard almost empty, “you’re injured Gigi.”

“Who among us is not occasionally concussed?” she says happily.

“Our team is out of the game, go ahead say it we’be been eliminated,” Knox says turning to Avery.

She ignores him and approaches Gigi, “are you okay?”

She nodded with a smile laced with the pain he thought she could hide. Maybe it was invisible to the others, but not to me. I’ve been under the same mask she’s trying to hide behind now. I understand. Grayson keeps his arm around her and I keep my hand in hers. She squeezes my palm and I squeeze hers back. I’m here, I wanted to scream, I’m here for you.

“Diamonds and Hearts, you’re onto the next phase of the game. Clubs… there’s always next year,” Avery finally brings herself to say.

“Once a player, always a player,” Jameson adds.

***

I don’t leave Gigi’s side until Nash has patched her up properly. ‘Stay with her, please,’ Grayson had murmured after we’d shared a quick kiss. He’d had something to discuss back at the dock with Odette. And Lyra. So I did, I stayed by Gigi’s side through every wince, every hand squeeze, every stitch.

“All patch up darlin’,” Nash nods, tipping his cowboy hat towards her slightly.

“Thanks,” she smiles brightly, it’s an unnatural fluorescent brightness that she radiated. Too bright, too artificial.

“You feeling okay?” I make sure, looking at her head.

“Fine,” she replied, gently feeling over her stitches.

Before anyone can say anything else there is a sharp knock at the door interrupting the thread of conversation. Nash answers. Brady walks in. Something was off about that guy. I got a bad feeling when I was around that guy. Nash gets up to leave and as much as I want to stay, it’s not my place to and I know that.

“Holler if you need anything,” Nash tells Gigi.

“We’re not going far,” I reassure her.

“Don’t worry about me,” she beams up at me, though the smile doesn’t quite reach her eyes, “really I’m fine.”

“I think we both know that’s a lie,” I say, my voice so low I’m not sure if she can hear me.

The way her eyes soften, revealing an ounce of vulnerability, indicates she has, “can we talk later? Maybe on the boat back?”

“Of course we can,” I say, squeezing her hand in mine one last time, before standing up to leave her to talk to Brady.

She nods with a small smile which I return, then turn to follow Nash who’s holding eye contact with Brady intensely. As soon as we’re out of the room and a few paces down the corridor Nash blurts out, “I don’t trust him.”

“Neither do I,” I grimace, at least someone else had picked up on Brady’s sketchy vibes, “he gives me a weird feeling.”

“Same here kid,” he nods in reply, then pauses slightly before saying, “you go and find Gray, I’ll be close by if she needs me.”

I fumble over my words. How did he know again? He has to be some sort of mind reader. I make a mental note to discuss it with Xander.

“Are you sure?” I ask quietly.

“I’m sure,” he says, placing a brotherly hand in my shoulder, “I know you’re still worried, you’re horrible at hiding it.”

“Thanks Nash,” I chuckle, brushing hair out of my face,

“No worries kid,” he says, shooting me a lopsided grin as I rush off to reunite with Grayson.

***

The boat left for the mainland at noon, that was when Gigi, Knox and now Odette were leaving, as she traded her place for Brady’s. But the players had been told to try and get some rest before the next phase. I’d also been up all night and could feel myself growing tired, so Grayson and I were currently laying on our bed in each other’s arms. It feels nice to finally breathe a little. I don’t feel the weight of stress from my jealousy or guilt or worry, I just feel normal.

“Do you think Gigi will be okay,” I murmur into Grayson.

“Nash is used to patching up our ailments,” he responds, his tone a little distant. It made me iffy.

“Yeah but I mean after being cast out of the game,” I reply, “I know I wouldn’t feel great if I were in her position.”

“I don’t know,” he murmurs, blowing out a short breath.

“I’m worried about her,” I say quietly.

“Me too,” he whispers, “I’m really worried about her.”

“I think we’re going to talk later,” I tell him, hoping it might provide himnwith some sort of solace.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” I confirm, “I hope she might get whatever it is that’s hurting her off of her chest.”

“Make sure she’s okay for me, okay?” he makes sure, “no matter what.”

“Of course,” I say, a little confused. Why had he said it like that? Like something bad might happen? Like I might lose him? I brush off the feeling. I put it down to overreacting, as usual.

We fall into a long silence as I trace different shapes on chest with my finger tip. I slowly drag it along, with no specific shape in mind. A blank expression is present on his face and I can see he’s deep in thought. There’s something on his mind and I have a horrible feeling it has something to do with the unseen, unheard happenings of the grandest game.

“What’s on your mind?” I ask him, doe-eyed.

“Hmmm nothing,” he says, refusing to look me in the eye.

“You sure?” I press on.

“I’m sure,” he says, planting a kiss on my forehead.

The kiss was off and I could see something was bothering him but he didn’t want to tell me, I’d wait until he was ready. Even if it were forever.

“What was it like in there?” I ask, attempting to change the subject, “the game.”

“It really was the grandest game,” he whispers, “like nothing I’ve ever experienced before.”

“Really?”

“They outdid themselves thoroughly,” he says.

“I bet,” I nod, nuzzling further into him affectionately.

“You really couldn’t hear or see anything the whole time?” he asks, a hint of worry delicately woven into his tone. It was so brief you would’ve missed it if you didn’t know him. But I know Gray.

“Nothing, it was like hell,” I say with a small tired laugh, “it was killing me that I had no clue if you were okay.”

“I was fine,” he replied quickly, almost curtly.

“Well I know that now,” I yawn and feel my eyes begin to close slowly but I fight to keep them open.

“You’re tired,” Grayson says, the ghost of a smile faintly touching his lips.

I shake my head in denial, “no I’m not,” I protest, “not even a little bit.”

“Go the sleep love,” he whispers.

“I want to talk to you though,” I pout, rubbing my eyes.

“We‘ll have plenty of time tomorrow,” he says, playing with my hair.

“Okay,” I murmur, letting myself fall into a dimension of much needed sleep, finally with my love back in my arms.

***

I wake up in the middle of darkness, though there is light desperately trying to make it through the black out blinds. I wonder how long I’d been asleep for, it couldn’t be past noon though. I’m aware of the coldness on the other side of the bed. Grayson wasn’t there. It wasn’t exactly uncommon. Usually when we were home, if it were the early hours he would either be swimming or having a wander and a read to make himself tired again.

I hear the door handle turn slowly and the sound of his all too familiar footsteps hitting the floor. I crawl out of bed, rubbing the sleep from my eyes, as I make my way toward him. Though as I do he stands still, frozen, like he can’t move. Concern latches onto my throat.

“Are you okay?” I whisper, tentatively touching his arm.

He recoils away quickly, like I’ve hit a tender nerve or a bruise of sorts.

“Are you hurt?” I ask worriedly

“No,” he murmurs, his voice stone cold.

It hurts a little more than it should, he’s never usually so blunt, so cutthroat. Not with me anyway.

“Where have you been?” I say, fishing for an honest reply.

He meets my eyes for the first time. Swimming in endless pools of grey is a mournful sorrow, “I’m sorry.”

His voice cracks. Grayson’s voice never cracks.

“Gray?” I say in a ghost of the whisper, the word not even feeling real once it is said. My pulse quickens suddenly and a large lump that I cannot swallow forms in my throat.

He’s pale, his face is regretful. Hollow. Lifeless. My heart sinks. I already know.

“Tell me,” I say, my voice shaking nearly breaking like weak houses in an earthquake.

He shakes his head glossy eyed, “I’m sorry. I never wanted to hurt you, I never meant for it to happen, I-“

“Tell me,” I grit through my teeth trying to prevent the thick emotion building up in my chest from overflowing.

There is a long pause. A deadly silence that seemed to last for days.

He parts his lips and utters the words, “I kissed her.”

It’s like a masked killer has dragged me from the comfort and safety of my own bed in the middle of the night, taken me into the thick of the wood where the vegetation is overgrown and no one will ever hear you scream. The part where it’s hard to see the sky or tell day from night and where no birds sing. And once we’re there, he takes a sharpened knife, laced with the most excruciating poison and slowly opens the left side of my chest, carefully ripping out my beating heart full of blood to destroy in his hands at his leisure. Grinning as her leaves my broken body to bleed out, dying heartless and lifeless. It’s like the person under that mask is Grayson. The one person I put all of my love and trust into. The one person who I thought would saved me from the masked killer is the masked killer. What a fucking joke.

“Who?” I ask, my tone low, dangerous, angry, “who did you kiss? I want to hear you say it.”

“I kissed Lyra,” he whispers, tears rolling down his cheeks, a state I’d never witnessed him in before. But right now I’m too broken to care.

My heart shatters into a million pieces on the spot. And then I am numb with agony.

a/n: so that was a fun ending :) hope you enjoyed part 2 my loves <33 and thanks to everyone who requested it, I’m sorry it took me so long to get around to it

NOTE I DONT THINK GRAYSON IS A CHEATER!! LIKE AT ALL. MY BABY WOULD NEVER!! but I thought I’d spice things up a bit yk, for the ✨drama✨

ALSO the de-coding thingy when the power went out if probs completely wrong on my part but I was allowed to drop computer science last year and I did ;) so I was just waffling, I know nothing about computers other than they can type, play music and they provide me with google and amazon

TIG masterlist

[kortac-sweetheart]

😭😭😭 Simon and Johnny ARE two stooges and I love them so much, hopefully Johnny sees Simon's plight and takes pity on him (imagine the tragedy of Simon getting lessons in getting the lovie from Johnny dear lord)

-Simp anon who's fawning over so many cod men tonight (as per usual)

i NEED to talk about how hard simon is fumbling this lovie sorry i absolutely need to

one sentence messages for you, written in that same stiff and clipped way he speaks, in red ink no less 😭

“i see you.” with a little crudely drawn skull, and some ink drips because his pen was acting up (it looks like blood) and he ran out of paper 😭😭 no hearts to soften the blow because he thought it would be too forward.

a box of chocolates on your desk but it’s wayyy too sweet, tooth-rottingly so actually. just a small polite bite of it nearly made you gag, face puckering like you ate a particularly sour lemon. those chocolates are then subsequently regifted to johnny because that fiend has a sweet tooth that could rival any six year old’s.

a (crumpled) bouquet of red roses and baby’s breath, the thought is sweet but they’re so cliché, uncreative, and you prefer more fragrant flowers anyways.

and simon is just. tearing his hair out, he feels like he’s going insane. no other op he was deployed on has ever felt this stressful, he feels like he’s being incredibly forward and out there with his intentions but in actuality it’s like if a crow was too shy to show themselves dropping off a gift to a potential mate.

why is this so hard? why are words so hard? he feels lightheaded and like he ate a mouthful of sand whenever he looks at you for too long (in a good way, however that works)

yeah johnny showing him the newest picture he took of you. looking absolutely adorable in your favorite oversized hoodie and rumpled knitted thigh highs, tightly clinging onto a teddy bear whilst drooling, completely asleep and relaxed. and simon feels like he’s going to explode.

giving johnny a very stilted, “mhm, thas’ great mate.” through gritted teeth. all the while he’s mentally smashing plates and throwing furniture around in his mind because HE should see that in person goddamnit!!! he should come home to that sight every night but he DOESN’T!!! and he hasn’t a single fucking clue how to tell you he likes you (in a very genuine and romantic and non threatening way) and now you’re johnny’s and he has no clue how to navigate that either and fuck, he just needs another pint.

simon eventually comes to a crossroads, either confess his feelings verbally and clearly to you or die. the former seems better than the other option to him. but he overthinks the hell out of it, worrying about his wording and syntax and all these little things he wouldn’t usually fuss about.

he finds himself at your and johnny’s shared flat for dinner one day, and johnny can see that glint in simon’s eyes when he’s eager to speak and he, blessedly leaves you two alone in the living room.

simon clears his throat, “birdy, will you look at me?” and you sputter on your tea a bit, choking and looking at him oddly, pointing at yourself confused.

he nods solemnly, wringing his hands together before just blurting out “i love you. romantically. i— i’d like to be your partner if you’d let me.” his face and neck and ears feel like they’re on fire, you only silently stare at him dumbfounded for a few seconds and it’s enough for him to wish the ground would swallow him whole.

he’s already moving to leave before you start laughing, “oh my god! simon— simon i’m so sorry, i thought you hated me! this— this whole time you—“ and you’re still laughing, head buried into your hands.

he thankfully sits back down, wondrously closer to you this time around and he— despite everything lets out a small chuckle in return.

“you didn’t answer me properly birdy, so is it a yes or—oof!” you throw yourself into his arms, tackling him into the couch cushions. and once you’re situated on top of his chest, you’re listening to his thundering heart beat and tracing small shapes into his arm humming playfully.

“hmmmmmmmmmm…. no.” and you giggle, showing him your brightest, silliest grin. he can only guffaw at that, a lighthearted “why you little—“ leaving him as he mercilessly tickles you, and he’s never felt such joy and relief before.

johnny can only chuckle and shake his head as he watches your antics from the kitchen doorway, glad that simon finally stopped fumbling you.

[inkedberries]

Hey! Prefacing this by saying that this isn't meant to be an attack (which generally isn't a great way to start a message but I'd rather be clear about intentions) and more so genuine curiosity. Apologizing in advance for this being long; I have a tendency to overthink and overexplain.

I don't typically interact with fandom outside of like... carefully curated little microbiomes. As such I haven't really encountered the whole proship/anti shit with any amount of seriousness since probably around 2018. I personally don't put much stock into either of the terms because there's far too much grey area and for the fact that (as per my understanding) exist as ethical frameworks, and I don't care much for subscribing purely to a single framework to the exclusion of anything else in terms of personal ethics and morality. At most with friends we tend to colloquially refer to incest + pedophile ships as proships, because that's just sort-of what the term has evolved to mean most strongly (again, at least in the circles I run in). I don't consider myself anti or proship or whatever the fuck else, because I generally don't care to involve myself with that kind of fandom drama. I'll involve myself over like, matters of being anti-bigotry but the rest is just something I haven't wanted to deal with for 5-6 years. Tagging + filtering + block functions exist for a reason, and I don't need to do anything more than prevent my feed from showing me those things. I generally just hit block and move on with that kind of stuff, especially because I'm anti-censorship for a variety of reasons.

Tl;dr on that: proship/anti aren't terms I really use or subscribe to, because I feel like they oversimplify everything and conflate "drama". From my understanding, I agree with proship ideology (????) in the sense that I believe censorship only fucks over everyone, and that you can just block + filter and move on. But at the same time I see this overall conception that 'proship' means you support/condone/etc incest and pedophilia and so on, which I really truly don't. But there is this really heavy perception that proship = this person ships (usually) pedophilic or incestuous relationships. A bit reinforced for me typically because when something like that comes across my feed and I go to block the person, they generally have 'proship' in their bio. That to acknowledge that I do have some bias in that, even if I know it's a correlation/not cause thing. That all being (over)said (and I'm SO sorry again about how fucking long this is, my twitter TL is having a meltdown and I've avoided all this stuff for so long I don't know if I'm missing something? Because ethically on my end there's no reason for me to block or whatever outside of just the word proship...? Two minutes for a quick search as as far as I can tell you don't participate in anything against my own comfort/moral beliefs. so) I guess I'm asking what your definition of proship is for yourself and why people are jumping to this conclusion of dislike so instantaneously? Obviously you're under no obligation to educate me on what I presume is fucking YEARS of fandom history, nor respond publicly or even at all. I'm only asking you specifically because this is the first time I've encountered 'being proship' ≠ shipping pedophilia etc etc. I think maybe I came across it way back when as a middle schooler, but I'm not about to trust any of my opinions/recollections from when I was that age lmao. But anyways. Just genuinely curious and wanting to understand because I'm wary of reacting too-quickly just because other people are, and especially so if it's actually a total non-issue for me. Sorry again for the insane rambling in this lol

hello!! i hope you don't mind me prefacing this response too by saying to please read this out fully, if you don't agree with the starting points i've provided, i hope you still continue on reading until the end💙 i think @/frownyalfred best words the defense i would most likely stumble on if i give it a go at answering your question with my own words

and this was a post made in 2016 (where a lot of ppl say is the year anti-shippers started sprouting up) and this is honestly what i mean when i say i hate antis

if anything, antis just started the propaganda that all proshippers are incest lovers and pedophiles and people ate it up like cats who haven't had wet food in three weeks. as proven by your friend group using the term as such? that's wild to me that ppl use the term proship like that, i hope the case i'm making will change that for you and your friend group.

no, proship literally is anti-censorship. ship and let ship. antis gatekeep, police shippers and harass anyone who doesn't ship their ship the RIGHT way. and it's not just the ships you say are 'harmful' or 'immoral'. i've shipped a rarepair before and the fandom at large did not like me shipping a rarepair so they started calling me a pedophile bc i aged up said characters???????? they'll find anything and i mean ANYTHING to twist everything i say and do to make it seem like it's "okay" for me to be harassed and bullied. "oh it's okay that i'm telling this person to die because they're gross," yeah no that behavior is So Much More Normal than a person shipping two fictional characters the "wrong" way. AND YOU KNOW WHAT'S FUCKED UP? ppl BELIEVED THEM LMAOOOO

and hey no sweat, i was like you once. i didn't define myself as proship or anti bc the real world exists but then in the one space i thought i'd be free from real life speculation and surveillance i get these anti policing assholes so yeah im a proshipper now lol just to get away from that bs. i honestly just want to have fun on here without judgement but i can't even have that lol that's why im all about blocking/muting.

you say your tl is having a meltdown? well shit, they're probably calling me names on there too. probably throwing out baseless accusations without fact checking bc i'm lowlife enough not be respected or given the decency of a fact check? or saying my art wasn't good anyway? bc gatekeeping their precious kudoichi is so much more righteous, top priority that they start slandering a real life person, right? no no no one disgusting should be touching or shipping our precious kudoichi lmao i hope you see how Not Right this is. kinda makes me feel sick for real lol

and i hope you understand how harmful this is not just to my mental state but my livelihood as an artist as these people would just start policing their fellow fans and just tell them not to support or view my art because im a 'proshipper' not even that, they'd probably just straight up say i support incest and pedophilia which are?????? such STRONG accusations to make????????? now they're just buzzwords. BUZZWORDS for antis to use to defame and cancel an artist! a real life person. over their precious fictional characters. over their precious kudoichi. oh man it makes it so much more stupid if i specify the ship, what is wrong with people sometimes😭

but hey im all about blocking and muting and unfollowing if you don't like my stuff i'm 100% for that but i hope they do it on their own terms. their own thinking. not because someone told them to.

and i dunno man that behavior of not even letting their 'friends' think for themselves, that they'd bash them too if they support me, my art, kinda seems like grooming don't it? or nah no im just looking into it. it might not be that deep. but i really yeah that's why i hate antis and why im more proship.

but hey i appreciate you even taking the time to come to me in the first place and uhhh idk i hope you found what you were looking for and that i answered your bit of curiousity there!

[anika-ann]

GG Steve and A, I, and/or R??

Well hello, Ro, sorry that this took so embarrassingly long 🥲

Here are some dirty thoughts from this game concerning my beloved Gentle Giant Stevie from Love on the Brain in scrambled order... you'll find the dirtiest and longest at the bottom (is this a pun? it's a bad pun). Technically, the you is his partner in every sense of the word aka Sparkles, but it can be read independently of the series.

Thots under cut. Warnings: they are 18+, okay- also there's very little editing, it's a headcanon, not an essay.

R - Routine (do they have a routine when it comes to picking up one night stands? do they have scheduled sex with their partner? are things spontaneous or planned ahead of time?)

One-night stands are no-no. Very much no no and they were even before he met you… but where scheduled sex is concerned the answer is also no. With your crazy schedules, it might make sense to try to plan so you can squeeze in some intimate together time, but with emergency missions… not so much. Things keep getting in the way (cough cough, there might be a ‘drabble’ about them getting actually frustrated at the lack of closeness and sexual encounters of theirs in general due to schedule conflicts). So spontaneity usually wins – certainly in a way of appreciating every moment you catch together. It doesn’t always have to be sexual per se, but it often ends up that way 😏 You had two years of pent-up sexual tension, can anyone blame you??? Not to mention that adrenalin and emotions can sometimes fly high, so if there is something routine-like, it’s winding down together after a mission, be it sweet and tender, all desperate hungry kisses with clashes of teeth, grasping and grabbing and fuck me we are alive, or celebratory god damn you were hot and capable and badass today. Does that count as a routine? One routine thing though; Steve is a man with a plan. Just because he doesn’t necessarily schedule sex, he is using his strategic mind to find windows in your calendar so you find time to be together. To take you out for a date for dinner, for a bike ride, or just lie under the stars and cuddle. Sure, these things often do result in intimacy of all kinds, but that man has a heart larger than his already impressive body and you fill a huge portion of it; it’s only fair you take up his time too.

P.S. The man is not only a planner but an overthinker often. Remember when it took you forever to sleep together for the first time? He ran his mind over thousands of scenarios, planned everything he’d say, everything he’d do, guessed how you’d react (and had some alone time over that a lot),how many times he’d get you off before he starts counting the times he will. Because he wants to treat you right and the one moment when you admitted a guy had been after getting you to bed and then instantly fled the so-called relationship since he got what he wanted is ingrained in his brain and he’ll do everything in his power to show you that he’s not him. Even if it means blue balls or might result in a supersoldier carpal tunnel issues.

Which gets us to:

A - Alone time (how do they get off when they’re all by themselves? do they watch porn, is it all in their imagination, do they jerk off, do they use toys?)

I’ll start with the last one: nah. There is no way he got his hands on toys in his original time and he was doing just fine and he doesn’t need them now. How would he even get them without half the globe learning about it? No thank you. He’s got hands. Two big hands. If you ever express interest in him using toys on you, he is all game and will get off on watching you squirm and nearly lose your mind to pleasure – which he will try to replicate on his own because dammit he will not have some toy satisfy you better, at least make it a cooperation dammit – but not on himself. Not when alone.  

Steve’s a sensual, visual guy. He imagines a lot, but feels rather bad jerking off to a specific person, because it feels rather… invasive and unfair. So his mind conjures images, perhaps a combination of actual memories of voices and visuals (and yes, some inspiration might have come from porn, but he doesn’t downright puts on an adult movie and gets on it, nope), perfumes and scents, images of hands smaller than his on him he can mimic by his own touch and that is what gets him going… and off. If he has the time. He doesn’t have a problem with a quick work in a shower (which often is a solution and I know I share this headcanon with someone, cough cough).

The problem starts when you join. Because A, his need of alone time increases exponentially and B, his mind just. Wouldn’t let go. He’s damn ashamed of it, because you are friends and your friendship is sweet and teasing and maybe there’s a little bit of flirting, and the act itself feels like defiling you, but well, there’s the fact that he would like to defile you. He has so many memories of you filling his senses that get him off, even if they come from workout or from movie night or from perfectly innocent hugs. He feels like a creep and it’s utterly disrespectful to you, but he can’t help it. He tries to relief his conscience by not actively starting with imagining you.

In that sense, it is a real liberation to him when you get together, because he might need a lot of alone time then too before you take your relationship to that level, but at least his conscience is clean even as his mind is filthy.

Speaking of filthy mind… drabble-ish thots ahead.

I - Impact play (here’s where talking about things like spanking, paddles, canes, floggers and the like.) - not me having to google stuff on this

My instant reply was no. NOT STEVE. No violence in any form in the bedroom, not in intimacy. Violence is for battlefield, for missions. For training to a point, and even there he’s careful not to hurt you. When in bed, he might hold you a little too tight, grab a little too harsh, knead and squeeze and maybe suck enough to bruise when you feel just so good and he’s losing himself in you, losing control, but no hitting or slapping or-- nope. He earned the nickname of a Gentle Giant for a reason he might be sensual to a point of filthy, but if he hurt you (even if you asked), he couldn’t look himself in the eye in the mirror.

BUT ALSO.

He’s a handsy man. He does adore drowning all his senses in you, he loves exploring his lover’s body with all he has and he simply loves to touch at all times, feel the softness and warmth and slick, every curve, the thundering of your heartbeat under your skin with his fingertips or lips. To taste you where you let him. Inhale the scent your perfume, your arousal, the heady smell of sex in the air. To listen to the little or not so little noises, swallow them and let them melt on his tongue. To watch.

And that’s when it happens.

He didn’t mean to do it. He did not, and he’s horrified for a split second, because fuck he did not just- You were riding him. A glorious sight, pretty flushed face with slightly love-bitten lips and pupils blown with pleasure, breasts bouncing, muscles straining and little overworked from having mostly earned that previous orgasm on your own besides his lazy strokes over your clit and feeling where you were joined; you stilled for just a moment to get precious air into your lungs, breathy sounds of his name falling from your parted lips, so gorgeously fucked out and still needy for him and he could feel you so close again, his hand spread over your breast, over your hip, gripping and kneading your ass, your thigh and you were almost there, fluttering around him and he wanted one more, sweetheart, gimme one more, wanna feel you and he---

He meant to tap your thigh in encouragement when you started moving again, chasing your peak and it turned out to be more of a full-palm slap over the tempting curve of your ass and it was an accident, Steve would swear it.He froze, his thoughts faster than the reaction of your body, mind already flaring with horror and anxiety by the time your body caught up with what he had done nd had not meant to do and you-

You squeezed his cock so hard he felt it in his throat and he nearly choked, but mainly felt his groin spasm as you lost yourself to pleasure and all it took was a few rapid thrusts into your spasming burning heat and he was done for. Your juices coating his balls. His mouth slanting over yours on instinct even as the keen you released was the single lewdest soundhe had ever coaxed from you and his balls might be empty, but his chest is full of pride and his brain empty of thought but full of question marks, new fantasies and an image of you etched into his memory forever.

Your hips are still jerking minutely on instinct, your face now hidden in his shoulder, chest heaving beautifully against his, his lips kissing anywhere they can reach and holy damn. His hands grow softer, more comforting than exploring, mouth whispering sweet nothings even as they want to ask questions. You’ll tell him; he hopes you will. If there was one thing you were learning fast, it was communication; the last time you failed to communicate on a massive scale about how you felt, you ended up longing and lusting after one another for about two years. He’d rather not wait that long.

But he doesn’t press; in return, you press to him, peek at him shyly and kiss his lips sweetly, climbing off him only to settle in his lap anyway and hug him close, finger drawing non-sensical pattern on his shoulder and back until you both rise and rinse the sweat and other juices off your bodies in a shower together.

Only when in fresh sheets – the previous ones were beyond saving, at least for the night – when held close in his arms, gentle hands mapping out the familiar, and with sleep evading you despite the sleepiness and comfort of each other’s embrace, you confessed.

“I… I think I really liked it because I—I know you’d never hurt me,” you admit softly, earning a thoughtful hum at the half explanation.

“I didn’t mean to do it. I didn’t expect that reaction either, but I’d never do it without asking first. You know that, right?”

“I know. That’s what I mean, GG. I trust you…” you remind him softly, even as you teeth worry over your still kiss-swollen lower lip. “But if you… liked it too, you can do it again. Sometime. I… you didn’t mean to do it, I get that, but you let yourself get lost in the moment. With me. You lost- you let go of control a bit… for me. You let go because you feel comfortable enough with me to do that. That means a lot to me. And… you feeling so good with me that you… lose it and take what you need – without hurting me besides a little fading red mark or a tiny bruise – makes me feel pretty damn powerful and proud too. Really wanted and desired… pretty golden.”

The admissions hang heavy in the air, your whole body buzzing with nerves, a little voice in your head sleazily whispering of judgement. Your Gentle Giant, looking at you with disdain, even as what you confessed weren’t all that scandalous. The things you had encountered in your BAU days made this look about as freaky as wearing a little lace. And yet… your body buzzes with nerves and a little thrill and the chances of falling asleep now are precisely zero.

The voice falls silent the second Steve turns you in his arms so you face him and you find him watching you with his smile warm, eyes blown wide and curious – and everything but tired just like you.

“I do trust you too,” he whispers, fingertips brushing your cheekbone, strand of hair from your face, eyes roaming your face until they fall a little lower, as if in shame. Even in the limited light, you can tell his face is burning too. “Where-- I’d always ask, but--- and never with force, I don’t want to hurt you, and never your face, I--- but if I ever… where?”

Your heart thunders in your ribcage. You gulp as with his every word, it leaps into your throat too, your body brimming with nervous energy. But he watches with such genuine curiosity and excitement, the plans no doubt already whirling in his head, the strategist, the planner, the lover, the pleaser… the little shit. Your GG.

Your face is aflame, your hand shakes a little as you take his and it’s both anxiety and arousal, something scalding hot pulsing in your core again, when you lead that hand to set on your bare hip.

His gaze is dead set on yours, watching your reaction; you know he picked up on your quickened breathing, as you guide his hand over the globe of your ass, over your outer thigh, skim over the front to slip on the inside, heading higher, under his hand is cupping your sex.

His gaze is smouldering. You nervously lick your lips, escaping the cage of his gaze because you cannot bear it anymore, a little whisper of shame returning to back of your head, but the moment you look away, his free hand – the other is still touching you – slides under your chin, thumb brushing over your lips. The thumb of his other hand does the same as he slips under your panties and moves to your slick sex and slightly swollen and oversensitive bundle of nerves. Erection poking your thigh. Mouth against yours, whispering.

“Good to know, sweetheart…” Rough. His voice is so rough and husky and his lips are slick and warm and filthy. “Anything for ya’. Love ya so much… got me so hard for you again… the things you do to me, I swear-”

He clearly picked up more than on you just liking just the touch alone; the filthy praise spills from his lips, empowering, and the late night finds you tangled in the sheets once more, languid deep kisses that consume you, the connection forged by a secret revealed, secret shared, whispering between you about next time, even as now is all that matters, all you feel.

Steve is an observant man; he still needs confirmation ahead, but he learns the signs. It’s not something you engage in often, but he recognizes that soft mewly quality to your sighs now, the special glint in your eyes barely even hinting you need it; and he gives. And since he has consent, he lets himself lose control with you a little bit more too.

-.-.-.

Ro, I think I read too many of your wonderful replies to this game that I adopted the manner in which you write them. Ehm. I hope that's okay with you.

Thank you for the ask 💕 It took forever, but it was fun ✨

[dyne-osaur]

might be rambling this might mean nothing but omg has anyone thought about how a huge thing™ in dead boy detectives is how women were wronged ?? (and also not just women who were wronged but boys who were shitty assholes but in this essay i am focusing on how women were wronged) am i looking too much into it.. (this is prob not intentional and i am overthinking as per usual but like)

spoilers duh

also this got really long i apologize

so in episode 1 we meet crystal who is basically like the catalyst for everything happening right and this is kinda obvious but like the whole kinda happens because her toxic demon ex bf stole her memories (fuck you david) and like? that was a horrible thing to happen to her and he sucks boo >:( and also throughout the whole show she has to deal with his shittiness and whatnot

and also in episode 1 we obviously see becky aspen who is like a child (specifically a little girl) who was kidnapped by esther (who also only goes after girls like hello?) and about to be fed to her giant snake which like ?? hey now,,, and they have to go in and save her and i feel like it's kinda important esp with the last episode ("she killed hundreds of little girls to stay young; who gets justice for them?" or smth) like it's built on the backbone of women who were wronged

in episode 2 with the dandelion sprites we have niko who lost her dad and her mom wants her to just be better and the sprites literally like infected(?) her while she was trying to feel better or smth (prob a bit of a stretch ngl) so we don't rly see much of this in episode 2

in episode 3 the most obvious thing of all is that the devlin guy murdered his entire family (his wife and two daughters) because he was a bitch and hated that they wanted to leave him which like ?? okay fragile male ego (as crystal so eloquently puts it) like these girls felt haunted by him in life and even in death they were stuck in a loop getting killed by him over and over and over because of his fear they would leave them. he was controlling and abusive and a creep and in the end he killed them. (obviously this episode has other important themes like how charles' trauma is reflected in this and his emotional response to devlin and the horror of controlling/abusive family members but i feel like there's smth to be said with how women keep getting wronged in this show idk)

in episode 4 we get crystal who is still dealing with the effects of her lost memories and her desperation to find her mom (we all know how that turned out) and importantly we get the stuff in the gift shop (specifically lillith and ig the washer woman)

the washer woman is washing away the blood of humanity yadda yadda (she's a rly interesting character i love her) and like when she and crystal are left alone crystal is desperately trying to find how she can have her lost memories and past back and the washer woman gives her that riddle to help her smth smth (basically crystal's memories)

lillith is more introduced here as the goddess of wronged women (and blood magic) (this is self-explanatory i hope)

in episode 5 (this one i feel is also obvious) we get those charming-but-actually-really-shitty jocks who died because maren (brad's gf) murdered them because they were being really horrible. we get shelby who killed herself because they drugged her and ruined her entire life and her future and everything and even in death the boys (though i love them, this was a fault of theirs) were skeptical because the jocks were just so charming

and then we get maren who invites crystal over because of her fear that she would get caught when she was trying to protect herself and she made a(n albeit huge) mistake. brad sent her nudes to his bff richie and they never thought they were in the wrong like hello? i was like wtf but anyways they practically ruined the lives of these girls (maybe not maren because they never fully got out but they could've and either way she ended up turning herself in from her guilt and stuff)

(also note: crystal says "we all lost our lives to boys who went too far" and like.. a big thing™ from my perspective is also how men/boys go too far e.g. the schoolboys (edwin and charlies) and david (crystal) and also the jocks and devlin and later esther's husband and arguably the cat king (don't come at me i actually love him towards the end but for more info check out this post i love their take on him) etc. there's probably more i just can't think of them atm)

in this episode we also meet maxine for like a second(?) time (first being devlin murders in ep 3) where she obviously wronged jenny by stalking her and she doesn't see what's wrong with what she did when she literally tried to murder her, she stalked her, she's apparently done this MULTIPLE times (smth ab this happening "again" which ? oml) and jenny feels horrible about this because she put herself out there for once and she got hurt. and at the end of this episode we see them all hang out and of course david comes back because crystal can't catch a break but back to the topic jenny was almost killed by maxine who did a horrible thing to her

episode 6 we finally hear tragic mick's story. sedna was literally a girl who got sacrificed by her dad because he thought it would help. she was a woman wronged out of the many women wronged on this show and she became a goddess for her trauma yay?? but at the core of that backstory was sedna who was a woman wronged by her father. (and ofc tragic mick and how he became human POOR GUY)

we also have crystal who finally has a way to get david out of her head (did anyone notice it doesn't break till she says "i just wish i could be normal" or smth which is prob kinda why she lost her powers?) all of this has been culminating since the beginning and then later he comes back and he's taunting her and yelling at her for giving up "the one thing that made you special" (come on man :|) she does get her powers back later though yippie (and sees her badass ancestors)

and jenny who is still dealing with the trauma is obviously upset throughout the episode because yk maxine was crazy

episode 7 we have the boys in hell but to keep in theme we have crystal who feels horrible that charles won't let her help and she just goes out to get david to open a gate and jenny follows. jenny then gets violated as david literally possesses her and we get kinda the climax and then the resolution of david and crystal as she realizes her power and takes her memories back and buries him because he was a horrible horrible person to her (and also the comments he made were so creepy like "i want to get back inside you" "let me back in" WHAT THE HELL no way that wasn't intentionally creepy)

and then jenny (poor jenny) has to deal with the fact that she has now been possessed and has to deal with all this creepy shit like can homegirl catch a break goddamn (and speaking of jenny we see maxine on the stairs still clueless to what she did wrong MAXINE OPEN YOUR EYES)

crystal eats her memories

episode 8 she finds out she was a horrible person and her past was not as great as she thought it would be. she treated her friends and strangers badly and she wakes up and she feels horrid. and she thinks it will get better and she calls her mom and her parents did her dirty. they neglected her (didn't even REALIZE she was MISSING) and didn't do shit for her and she probably acted out for attention (in horrible ways i am in no way defending what she did btw but she can be a horrible person and changed as a person crystal they could never make me hate you) and she swallows the rest of her memories and finds out that she was not the person she wanted to be

in episode 8 we also find out esther's backstory. the big bad of it all and i think a huge point in the story is how at the core of it all was a woman who was wronged and turned horrible for it. her husband cheated on her and she killed him but then she couldn't get enough and just wow. just to me the fact that at the core of the story is a woman who was horribly treated and as a result turned into a horrible person (and kind of parallel to crystal who was horribly treated (by her parents and by david) and she finds she can still turn things around and be good) and esther is too far gone as she yk decides to continue being evil

in episode 8, the end of it all, we see that turning point where crystal goes into esther's head and summons lillith. the goddess of wronged women. we see her as crystal yells that esther has been tormenting girls, WRONGING WOMEN, for decades (centuries?). we see the rage in lillith's face as she turns her stare on esther for skewing the gift that lillith gave to a woman scorned. we see lillith drag esther out of the house screaming and AGH i love that so much idk

but yeah those are my thoughts on the amount of women i just saw wronged and this could all mean nothing and i could be very insane and crazy but ! whatever !

[vvivacious101]

get to know your mutuals!🥰

Tagged by @sloasis!

I'm an overthinker and an oversharer. So, all of these asks are basically going to be at least a paragraph long because I don't make anything easy. That's also the reason why I waited so long to do this, because I knew there was no way this was going to be short and sweet. I also contemplated not doing it for the same reason, but I was like, it's okay, I can be an indecisive overthinker even on the internet. WE DO Exist!

Favourite color: I'm not kidding when I say this, but I literally don't have one! I love colors a lot, and if you asked what my favourite was I would probably say - Black. Pink. - but the truth is that's not the truth. I don't actually gravitate towards those colors it's just that in the era when liking pink was way too girly, I ?pretended to like black even though I actually do like black, it's literally the color of my hair, it's not like I'm escaping it anytime soon. But then, when I realised that acting like 'I'm not like other girls' is also problematic, I started ?pretending that pink was my favourite color even though I actually do like pink.

Also, the whole girl = pink thing makes it a very popular colour for women's clothes, so I actually own quite a few clothes in pink and its various shades, but it isn't overwhelming. If you saw my wardrobe, it would probably lean a little towards primary colours, but I'm pretty sure I have something in almost everything. So, I can guarantee that my favourite color is more political than anything, and I actually don't have one. I like way too many colors way too much to be able to pick a favourite - also, shades are so not my thing, I literally do not seem to have the 'feminine' eye of discerning barely differentiable colours.

There was this weird thing I came across on IG that was basically asking 'what day of the week you were' and how people supposedly instinctively know what day they are, and I shared it with my sisters, and if I remember correctly I think they did have instinctive answers but I didn't, like not even a little bit. And, now I'm left wondering if that is the reason I don't seem to have a favourite color.

Currently reading: This one's easy because all I've been reading is Buddie Fanfiction, and I'm reading - The Android and The Firefighter by Buki_stories21 - since it's still updating, it's going to be my currently reading for a while. It's a DBH AU and I'm loving it. I also just finished - across the stars by ummrys - a Martian AU, and thoroughly enjoyed that as well. I highly recommend both of these for anyone interested in reading Buddie AUs!

Last song: As per usual, I will mention two. My literal last song was 'Chosen Family by Rina Sawayama' (I've a feeling this one might become a fav), and my last song that definitely is a fav was 'Tragedy is Not the End by Joel Ansett'.

Most recent film: I'm not a movie person, I rarely watch movies for some reason, even though I love stories, I tend to prefer consuming them as books or TV shows, although with a marked preference for the former. I have the opposite of aphantasia, and reading books or literally anything is as good as watching something for me, and that's probably why I don't consume visual media as much.

Having said all that, the last movie I watched was - Recess: School's Out - highly recommend it.

Most recent series: 9-1-1, though I'm currently in the middle of finishing the final season of 'What If?'

Sweet/Salty/Savory/Sour: Salty.

I could leave it at that, but I did warn you that I'm an oversharer. Anyhow, I can't eat sweets beyond a certain point. No matter how much I like something, if it's sweet, there is a certain point where I reach saturation and will not consume any more. I will eat fruits, and then I'll be like I need to eat something salty, I literally crave it at some points in my life. This is probably why my favourite chips are usually just the plain salted ones, and why I also love consuming French fries with/without ketchup. I definitely go without if I'm really craving the salt.

Currently working on: Absolutely Nothing. There was this huge puzzle of Neuschwanstein Castle that I had been in the middle of for months, and I finally finished it just before I sat down to type this out. I'm feeling very accomplished right now, and I'm going to refrain from working on anything that is in any way going to be a significant time commitment.

Tagging: Being an overthinker and an oversharer doesn't make this part easy. So, I will chicken out and open up the floor. If you want to share the deets above, consider yourself tagged, I don't care if you want to keep it short & sweet or write entire paragraphs - I'm here for both!!! Tag me if you want to, or alternatively don't, if you don't want to. If you think thinking about the deets above will be fun - DO IT!!!

Also, @impracticalantlers, if you are interested in this, consider yourself tagged!

[chaifootsteps]

I just watched the new episode and wow, words can't describe how (negative) I feel about it.

So, does vivzie know that she shouldn't dump every sad piece of past in all her main 'sympathetic' characters in order to be likable? Like, I had to pause so many times due to second hand embarrassment.

She has now fully destroyed fizz (robo fizz was so much better somehow, maybe because he was more villain-ish?)

The pacing was bad as per usual. Everything went so fast you couldn't focus. Everything was painfully unfunny (except the joke where that dude had 3 phones to tweet from imo).

Somehow I like Mammon more than all the main characters (that doesn't mean he is a good character btw). Not his design tho, that's bad as hell (hehe see what I did here?). He just had more personality, even if he was a bad guy, at least by the narrative because literally Blitzø acts almost exactly the same (Stolas too).

Also, why were there so many dogs in this one? I get the ones in the performances but Ozzie?

Also also, is it only me or is Blitz a little ooc? Maybe I'm overthinking it because I'm used to at least decent writing in my shows (by that I mean consistent character writing)

I actually thought Blitzo was the only character in this entire episode who behaved in a way I expected him to based on what we know about him. Everyone else was all over the place.

[art-blogge]

Everything is Fine, Nothing is Wrong, Dante is Safe, and Birds are Friends

It's been a week. A week of non-stop running, and I don't intend to stop any time soon. I can't. If I slow down for even a little while, the Shi Association will catch up to me. I don't want to die. I really don't want to die.

I'm a coward. I always have been a coward, at least in this life. I don't know how I was before, nor will I ever find out. I've given up on that. What matters now is staying alive. If sticking to the forests and avoiding the paths is what it takes, so be it.

It isn't much later that I start regretting my decisions again. There had to be other ways to deal with this. I should have said something. I should have alerted anyone else. Anyone else! I'm sure at least one of them would have taken me seriously!

On second thought, I doubted it. Even if a single Sinner believed me, it was bound to start fights. In-fighting would have just pointed directly to my location. The Mephistopheles was obvious enough even without the Sinners, too! My location, as long as I'd stayed on that bus, would have been clear as day. There was only one way I probably could have stayed on board, and I didn't want to take that risk. The back corridors were too dangerous. Worse, if the Shi Association had information on how the back corridors worked, it would have made my hiding useless. No, I couldn't risk it. I'd made the right decision. I had to of.

One more option to think over again before I could force my mind onto a different topic: If Vergilius would have done anything for me. I genuinely don't know, and that's probably why I keep coming back to it. Imagining the Red Gaze himself dropping everything just to help me of all people was clearly wrong, but imagining him completely ignoring me was also clearly wrong. I could never properly read that man, and I obviously wasn't going to start now.

I heaved a sigh (or at least imitated one) before taking a moment to observe my surroundings. While I'd been absorbed in my own doubts, I'd wandered back onto the forest path. As per usual, overthinking my circumstances had done me no good. I shook my head and immediately got off the path, opting to walk down into a ditch instead.

Not even a few steps down did I trip, sending me rolling down to the bottom of the ditch. Well, at least I was where I wanted to be. What was I going to do, complain? Instead I laughed, a bitter tone ringing out of my head. How funny I must have looked! I could already imagine what the Sinners would say… And felt a pang of pain in my heart.

<"No! No!"> I reprimanded myself, shaking my head and standing up. I was leaving everything behind to survive. As badly as I wanted to stay attached, I couldn't. Not like this.

To force myself off of these thoughts, I looked over my clothes and bag. I'd already been filthy, having gotten into several scraps and landfills, but now I was covered in mud. I'd just gotten this mostly-clean cloak from a dumpster, too… At least it wasn't my coat.

Another round of heart pain. What, really? I'd gotten attached to an article of clothing?

Well, yes, embarrassingly enough. It'd been so difficult for me to throw it into that river when I'd passed by. Again, though: Leave it behind. Move forward. Keep walking. Keep running. I could do this. I would do this.

Something made a "tink" sound against my head, and stopped to looked up. The sky had darkened more than it usually would at this time of day. Great. It was going to rain. As much as I hated rain, it was a genuine blessing. I'd be able to actually stop somewhere, and all my tracks would be washed away.

I found myself a tree with a particularly large empty space beneath it and squeezed into it before pulling my bag in as well. This would do for now. If the rain ended up being heavy like it was yesterday, I'd have to get out before it flooded…

--------

It wasn't the cracking of thunder that woke me some time later. As much as I dislike the sound, it wasn't the culprit for once. It was VOICES. Voices I couldn't clearly make out, but voices all the same.

Part of me wanted to immediately bail from my hiding spot and never look back. If they were close enough for me to hear over the storm, then they'd be close enough to find me. That meant they'd absolutely spot me if I ran, so I stayed put instead. I just had to cover my head with my cloak's hood so the light from my fire didn't give my position away.

After several minutes of anxious waiting, I was able to understand a voice.

"If we don't find them soon, Vergilius will be mad at us…!"

Sinclair!! The Sinners were here! Did that mean it was safe to--?!

The sound of a sword swinging through the air was followed by a pained cry from Sinclair, then a thud and distant yelling. Of course it wasn't safe. Who was I kidding? Being around the Sinners was like a death sentence.

I waited again. As badly as I wanted to revive Sinclair, that would tell both the Shi and the Sinners that I was present. The storm continued raging, and I pulled my hood down. It got in the way of my breathing, oddly enough, and I'd never quite figured out how that worked.

I couldn't hear voices any more, so I hesitantly pushed my bag down to peek out. All I could see was Sinclair's bisected corpse, unhelpfully enough. No one else seemed to be around, so I bit the bullet and revived him.

It hurt. It hurt. It hurt it hurt it hurt it HURTS. A sharp pain from the top of my head to the bottom of my foot blasted through me, and it took everything I had to not scream.

I hadn't considered how wide open I would be after reviving him. That was usually the first thing I considered, but this wasn't a normal situation- My priorities were different.

"Manager?" Sinclair called from outside. I wanted to respond so badly. So, so badly. The week alone had been bad enough. But I couldn't. If even one person knew where I was, the Shi would be onto me. I still don't even know what I did to earn their ire.

Upon recovering from my pain-ridden state, I looked up only to see Sinclair staring at me from outside. Shit! Fine, I could work with this!

<"Come in, quickly!"> I demanded, pulling my bag out of the way. Sinclair didn't question this at all, crawling in the hollow as soon as he was able to. I put my bag back where it was before turning my gaze onto him- He seemed tired, moreso than usual. Tired enough that he had eyebags rivaling Yi Sang's.

<"You stay here. Are-">

My question was cut off by Sinclair throwing his arms around me, and I instinctually reciprocated. This felt unfair! I liked hugs! Dammit!

<"Are the Shi gone?"> I asked anyway, pulling away from him. Sinclair seemed to understand and let me go while nodding.

"If you're g-going, go now. Vergilius and Ryoshu killed the two Shi that were here."

He DID understand. Thank the Light.

<"Thank you, Sinclair. Stay safe.">

With that, I pushed my bag out into the rain so I could leave. I trusted Sinclair. He was always honest, so he probably told the truth. It wasn't until I'd pulled my hood up, picked up my bag and started walking again that I fully registered something Sinclair had said-- Vergilius had been fighting. Vergilius. The Guide who was never helping us beyond mission information. Had been fighting. I wasn't sure why I was so shocked- The man was a Color Fixer after all!- but it was probably because I'd only ever seen him fight once. Maybe "seen" was a bit of an overstatement.

Whatever. No voices, no sensations of being watched. I'd gotten away.

--------

I don't know where I am now, and that's fine. I haven't for a while now. At least, I don't think I do.

But…

It's familiar. I have the sense that I've been here before. Something about this place worries me.

It's too quiet. It's way too quiet. The only sound in the silent forest was the singing of a bird.

I sat down where I was. If I move too much, I'll be making noise. Whatever's causing that silence would hear me, and the last thing I need is to get into a fight. I may have learned some self-defense over this journey, but not enough to fight Monsters or Abnormalities.

I still wasn't sure where exactly I'd ended up. I haven't heard a thing about Limbus since two weeks ago, and the last time I heard about the Shi was two days ago. I'm not safe. The longest I've gotten away from them has been two days so far. They'd be here for me any time now.

Something is on my shoulder. I turned to look, but it's just a little bird. Hi, buddy.

"Why do people commit sin when they know it's wrong?" the bird asked me, and I realized I was being used as a perch by an Abnormality that I didn't know. I had to answer carefully.

<"Because… Because there is nothing threatening them," I suggested, "They think they can get away with it.">

"They must be punished!" the bird decreed, throwing a wing outwards, "I will make them fear me and my great punishments!"

The bird stopped and looked straight at me. It was going to speak more? Most Abnormalities were happy with just one response.

"Do you think I can stop them from committing misdeeds?"

It seemed confident in itself despite it's size. I had to admit that I respected that, even if it was illogical.

<"I do.">

The bird puffed out its chest in pride, but didn't have time to answer- We both heard shouting, and it wasn't voices I recognized. The Shi were here.

<"It's not safe here anymore, little birdie. Those people want to kill me and I don't know why.">

Why did I tell it that?…. And what was behind me? There's a gold glow coming from behind me, but I don't dare turn around. A second Abnormality?

"May I watch over you, for your safety?"

I didn't need to look behind me to see how large this Abnormality was in comparison to the little bird. It's massive.

<"I would like to stand behind you. You may watch. Little Bird can stop them from committing misdeeds.">

"If I kill them first, they are safe from others!"

<"Death is not safety.">

The large bird behind me went silent. A second shadow joined the first- This one lanky.

"Let me weigh your sins and-"

Well, I'm damned there! I'll admit to panicking and shouting "Their Sin outweighs mine!" before it could finish speaking. I absolutely shouldn't have! I was far too loud that time!

A moment of silence, and then the little bird was cleanly sliced off of my shoulder. By sitting where it had been, it stopped the sword from connecting with my head. If I've ever been grateful for Abnormalities, it would be now.

"Let me weigh your sins!" the lanky one shouted before dashing past me. What an odd bird that was, featherless and tall. Slowly, the big shadow moved in front of me, and it took me a while to realize that it was the actual bird. I didn't realize until several eyes on it's backside shot open and stared at me. I squeezed my vision shut and repressed the urge to yell, but I still saw those eyes in my head. Bright gold, ever watching, ever watching, ever--

--The pressure on my head snapped me back to reality. Something was trying to crush my head! Out of instinct I pushed at whatever was on me, and the large bird cawed.

It'd been trying to bite my head off, I noted while frantically scurrying away from it and it's many many many teeth.

As I made distance, I looked around and learned three things: One, the small bird was red and pecking on a dead man's face. Two, there were only two Shi left and they were fighting the lanky bird. Three, there was a LOT of blood spilled. Four, some of it was mine. Wait.

Wait.

<"When was I injured?!"> I blared, checking over myself in a hurry. There, on my side! A clean cut through all of my clothes! I didn't even feel it. At least it was under my ribs… That could've been a disaster.

In the few moments I hadn't been looking, the number of Shi had tripled and the lanky bird had been reverted into egg form. Stealthy as always, I suppose.

<"Little bird, more sinners are here!"> I honked and pointed. It felt wrong using "sinner" as a word and not a title, and I wasn't going to do it again.

Distantly, I can hear rumbling. Something's coming. More lights in the distance. I'm in a terrible spot!

"I'll save you!" honked the big bird, biting down on my head again and failing to do any damage. It sure hurt though!

<"Stop that!"> I yelled back, but too late. One of the Shi noticed I was stuck and closed the distance before I got to blink.

"Sorry. Company policy and we've already been paid."

The big bird let go of me to chase the Shi that attacked me, and left me standing there in a daze. I'm not even sure where they'd struck. I feel fine still, albeit aware of the growing pain on my side. I don't see anything on me. Maybe they missed.

Now that the Shi were focused on the birds, and the birds focused on the Shi, I stumbled away safely. I've walked through worse pain than this before, easily. Two times, three times worse, even. This was nothing- Not to brag or anything. It's probably not good that I can withstand this.

Ahead. A clearing. I can hide there.

I ignored all the noise behind me as I dragged myself to the clearing. The shouts, the caws, the rumbling, the crashing, the honking. I ignored all of it in favor of collapsing to the dirt floor. I hadn't meant to collapse, but sure, it worked. I'd started getting dizzy anyway.

…

Oh, that's not a good thing. The blood-loss was getting to me. Faust and Outis had told me numerous times how to deal with this… Apply pressure. As I pushed down on my side wound and tried to get my focus back, I started to become aware of where the second wound was. Somewhere I couldn't see, but I could feel the blood dripping down my chest.

The minutes ticked by ever so slowly, and nothing was working. My brain(?) is full of fog, and my eyes are having trouble staying focused. I'm… So cold.

I should curl up… Retain some warmth. This was a monumental task when my limbs felt heavier than they ever have before, but I think I managed well enough.

Was I dying here? Alone?

<"What a miserable failure of a Manager I was,"> I wheezed, air coming out of my neck wound as I ticked to myself. <"What an idiot I've been. Of course running ended in me dying. Of course… I should've just stayed.">

I laid there, clutching my side with one hand and my neck with the other. I don't want to die here, but with my body in tatters and my mind fading, I wouldn't be going far. I've only got one option left.

I screamed. And scream I did, in an awful cacophony of sounds I've never made before. I screamed to the living who could possibly hear me, I screamed to the dead who couldn't possibly hear me. A horrible combination of sounds that I could no longer stop. A combination of all of my regrets, my fears, and my pleas for help.

I understand now why the Sinners screamed when they died. I…

"Dante!"

…Shaking. Hands, me. Hands, on me. Who is here..?… Someone is here. I'm not alone. Thank goodness. Thank the Light. Thank the Stars. Thank the Wings. Thank…… .. Uh, everything.

I forced my head to utter a weak whine from a few broken gears. It was all I could manage. The shaking stopped, and there are voices, but I can't tell who. People are here, with me. Me. I'm not alone so I'm safe. I'm safe. I'm safe…… I'm….

--------

...Beeping. Left side. Too bright. Brain sluggy. Other sounds. Rumbling. Bus?

…It is the Mephistopheles, I realized. I'm staring at the inner roof of the Mephistopheles. The Sun is being reflected right into my face. I need to move.

Slowly, I shifted and went to stand up. In a manner befitting me, I immediately slipped on something and slammed my head on the floor.

I'd slipped on my coat.

Wait.

I threw this in the river weeks ago..! Was I bought a new one? A quick check-over proved no, it wasn't, it has the shoulder stitches and the frayed ends. My coat! I've never been so happy to see my coat. Medical equipment be damned, I'm putting it on-

"Dante?"

While Sinclair was the one that asked, I can see all of the Sinners trying to peek out behind him.

"Clockface fell," Charon commented, reminding me that she was there.

Immediately there was an outbreak of questions from the Sinners that rushed up to check on me.

"Are you okay, Dante?" "Did you eat shite?" "Can we get your word that you won't pull that again, Executive Manager?"

The last question made me pause, and everyone else did too. I think… I think if I were capable of tearing up, I would be right about now.

<"Yes,"> I promised, holding my arms out to receive my team, <"Promise.">

~~~~

(end fic notes: goooooooosh. i started this during canto 2, stopped until canto 4 (added sinclair part), stopped again, added more in canto 5 (bird part) and finally got the end down (canto 6). gosh. golly. fuck ass tit shit. it isnt noted but sinclair stuck a tracker onto dante. this was also written with pre-clock dante in mind, sorta a "some of the old personality is back", which has worked startlingly well with dante keeping their figurative mouth shut lately. happy april fools (unintentionally))

[meraki24601]

Hello! I saw your advice on your previous reblog and it's very helpful to know that there's other ways of writing and you could break a couple of rules. I am a very bad storyteller so it truly helps, thank you for sharing! I just want to ask for advice about dialogue, I take days thinking what the character should say in this part of the story that I am not moving forward. I don't think that's normal for one line to take that much time?? How long should thinking for a dialogue normally take for it to sound natural? I think it should be quick because everyday conversation isn't planned but then I read somewhere that dialogue in stories are different from everyday conversation and that they should move the plot. But I don't want to sound like a Hallmark movie. I am also not very fond of the monologues that happened inside of the characters head, so I completely remove that in my story. I like when writers leave clues in conversations, even if the story is vague, it's like a puzzle piece! I think it's fun when they do that so I try to copy it but I end up just spending so much time with dialogues just thinking about revealing not too much information. I kind of 'overbake' everything. It doesn't sound natural anymore. I have taken a break and everything, tried to reset the story. Only to get stuck on a dialogues again.

Oh my god this is so long I am so sorry I just want general advice on dialogues! I am new at this so I'm making a lot of assumptions.

Hello Friend! Thanks for asking!

You have some really good questions in there. If you're asking questions and trying to learn, you're never a bad storyteller; you're just inexperienced and learning. It takes time to figure it out, and even professional writers struggle to make their stories "good." That's why alpha and beta readers, as well as editors, are so important. Anyway, in most cases, rules are there so you can learn how to break them. That definitely applies to writing dialogue.

One rule that I always hear is that you need to write quickly. Completing a draft should only take this long, and you should be able to put down so many words in an hour. While that might be true in part for most professional authors, that is mainly for people who need to chug out 5 or 6 books per year. Unless you have a contract that says you have to have a completed book in a month, take as long as you need. Take a day or more to chew on a line if it's important enough to warrant the attention. That writer friend I mentioned in my last post? They tend to average 20-30+ words per hour. I, on the other hand, average more like 8-15. Even so, I've written complete drafts of 5 novels and released a children's book, and he's only written one. Each person is different. Speed does tend to come with experience, but it's not required to be a good writer.

Yes, story dialogue generally differs from what you might hear when listening to someone chatting at the next table in a restaurant. That mainly comes from removing filler words and unnecessary verbal delays. Can filler words be used? Yes. However, they need to be used sparingly. Some verbal delays can be hinted at outside of the spoken words through actions and the listener's reactions.

Personally, when I'm really struggling with figuring out what a character would say, it's usually an issue with understanding the characters themselves. Would your character react to what's happening? What part of the recent events would they be reacting to? How would this particular person respond to what has been said to them? Are they the kind of person who would overthink and work out what this or that means in their head, or would they talk out their thoughts? How would their background influence the specific words they use?

For example, if a character were to ask another, "Hey, could you get her some more coke?" There are a few things this would tell you about them. First, I might assume they were from the southern US since they used the word coke instead of soda or pop. The request also suggests they're familiar with the person they're asking or the other person is in a waiter position. The person who needs the drink might be a child, an anxious adult, a significant other, or some other relation to the person asking, and this character has taken charge of the situation and asked so the other doesn't have to. If your character isn't a Southerner who wouldn't actively take charge of another person's minor needs, then they probably wouldn't say the line as it is, and you would likely need to adjust it to fit. Even though it seems like a simple, sweet thing to do, if they're making the request to avoid answering a question they had been asked, it changes how the reader and other characters would feel about it.

It sounds like you're trying to find the perfect dialogue right away. Remember that your first draft is supposed to be awful. Let yourself intentionally write bad dialogue. Get those Hallmark, cheesy, "I love you. No, I love you more."s down on the page and then make it less vomit-inducing later. Once you know who your characters are, how they act, and what your readers actually need to know, then you can make them say those meaningful lines that will have people screaming about how they didn't see things before they happened. If you need to, write the action first. Avoid writing a single spoken word until you know where everyone is and what's happening in the chapter. You can even use asterisks and plug in things like *so-and-so says something cool here that reminds the reader of their dead brother* to make a note of where you need to come back to and help yourself get past a troublesome spot.

Keep going! Writing is never easy, but it does get easier as you learn. Practice, and when you're ready, let other people read what you've written and give constructive feedback.

[themrswallace]

Wallace overthinks whenever he tells DL he loves them as soon as they're together because before he meant it in a familial sense, similar to Gromit, Fluffles and the Pups, it wasn't romantic and as soon as it is, he doesn't want to overuse the word because Wallace doesn't want to devalue such a strong word, especially in regards to the person he holds such high regard for. DL, however, doesn't change, they say it as little or often as they usually do and never take a moment to worry if they're taking away it's true meaning because every time they say it, they mean it to the fullest extent, they always have, and they've just accepted Wallace take the sentence at whatever era they've been at, they love him, simple as.

-- Inevitably they notice something off with him and check on the inventor where he blurts out his predicament just for them to make him feel stupid because as per usual, the man had nothing to fear the entire time and just let his mind get the better of him. "But it's different now! The two of us are---I want it to mean exactly how I feel! And if we say it all the time, doesn't that take away from--" "Wallace, the only way to remove its value is if you say it without actually feeling anything, as an automatic response when you could just say something else entirely! When I say I love you, I'm serious. And I always have been. The only thing that's changed is...your perception" "...Even when we weren't--you" "Mmmhm" "Why didn't you say anything, we could have-?" "Because how do you express loving someone so unconditionally without it changing everything you've built together? I took whatever you were willing to give, even if it was the bare minimum. I grabbed that shit with both hands and prepared to die on my lonely little hill because at the very least I had something. Some shred of love from the person I completely and utterly found myself devoted to. And let's be honest, Wall...you wouldn't have chosen me, not then, not until we figured out what it was we needed from each other" "How far does this go? The wedding??" "...Longer. Before this..." 'DL lifts their knee to emphasize the brace being a metaphor for time' "Round about when I came back...that's when it became...romantic. Until then it was more of a crush" "Crush??! Exactly how much time have you been sitting on this??" "Long enough, alright! If you want a canonical timeline...The moment I saw Lady Tottington kiss you when you two first picked things up, my stomach felt like someone had dumped a wheelbarrow of lead into it. When Fluffles had her first big performance, I had to stand in front of hundreds of people with a smile on my face and a knife in my heart and no idea why or who put it there..." "Sounds quite a while then. Can't imagine what it was like" "I got used to it because, at the end of the day, I still got to come home to you, in whatever context. We still had our family, our life, as long as I had you, it didn't matter, and it doesn't now, because I love you. In every sense of the word. And I will keep saying it because I mean it in all love's entirety, Wallace. Always have." "..." "You're my everything, Wallace. Love is all I have to give..." "...I love you too"