#oversharing time is great
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who needs encouraging fathers when you can get fortune cookies that tell you you're doing a good job and that it'll all be okay
#nvm. the second fortune told me to suck it up and work harder. this is exactly like having a father.#this post is very deeply joking and unserious as I tend to be btw lmao.#shitpost hours#idk if I ever mentioned this before but my stepfather literally has a gridded map of our yard for the annual easter egg hunt.#he maps out where he put all of them (over 100 eggs. 25 for each sibling). [big yard. backs up into the woods.]#I think he had it on excel one year.#I only escaped doing the egg hunt a few years ago. I am in my twenties.#you guys know that scene from Psych where shawn's like 'dad you literally dug an egg 2 feet underground one year#and still expected me to find it' and the dad was like 'ok well i left loose dirt to indicate a dig'? yeah. it's that lmfao.#I love him but GOD. not easy being the only type b person in the family lmfao.#like. that's FUN for them. for me it feels like boot camp but they're all having a great time I guess#they're all very 'give 110% all day every day' type people and i'm like. idk. i think 36% sounds nice. doesn't 36% sound nice?#anyways. I truly believe that oversharing online is okay if it's kinda funny. also this is not new information lmao.#like. oh noooo the internet knows that i'm a bisexual with daddy issues. there's only like 5 billion of those on tumblr 😭#that's like 1/4th of the entire userbase so i think it's okay to disclose lmfao.#I am NOT unique in any way shape or form ✌️#anyways. back to finals work but tomorrow i'll catch up on dms/etc lol
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Emotional hangovers are so fucking stupid.
"Oh, you went out and had an especially good time in a highly stimulating environment for a few hours? Nice going, you just cashed in 3 days worth of dopamine. Get Meh, jackass."
#k.e.w.k. overshares#neurodivergent problems#tw mental illness#“spare dopamine? spare dopamine ma'am?”#cried like a little bitch (/pos) at the Glass Beach show and got handed a setlist for the first time ever#[not pictured: Me up on cloud nine while down on my hands and knees in the pit]#that was thursday and im STILL ankle deep in the dopamine red 📉🤡#its a pattern that makes me warry about having more than a mildly pleasant time#because i know im gonna pay for it later and have to very carefully plan accordingly#ideally: day of rest/prep ➡️ afternoon of rest/double check prep before Fun Event ➡️✨FUN EVENT✨➡️ 1-3 days of emotional & physical recovery#[So Manageable ✅️ Very sustainable ✅️ Such fulfilling Adulthood ✅️]#thankfully i feel the emergence from my blanket nest cocoon coming but for now im slapping the snooze button a couple more times 🔋📈#thanks for being patient about ask and dm replies and art updates#(i feel like a jerk but that emotion is self-inflicted#bc you guys are great & know im a barely-functioning Adult that has a Job and also does irl stuff sometimes so thank you ily 🫰🥺)
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Art for my mom :)
I was telling her about how cute the milgramblrgram art was, and she knows I swore off drawing real people but here was a Window of Opportunity where I was doing it lol 😅 We're going to visit her dad soon and she asked if I could make something of him of his kids! I found a fairly recent photo of them and used it as a starting point
#its nothing crazy idk i just wanted it under the readmore#im still nervous drawing real people because im really not that great and ive always been met with 'oh you think i look like That? :/'#so milgramblrgram boosted my confidence since i dont actually know what anyone looks like so no ones feelings could be hurt 😂#but then i did end up doing some from photos! so we'll see#i dont think hes really going to care much - his mind is the reason were going out to visit#i kinda drew it for my mom specifically and i could tell how happy it made her <3#im too tired to decide if this is oversharing or not but idk i wanted to show it 👍#i was supposed to get a lot more done today but homework took longer than i thought#and this took a normal length of drawing time but i tried to finish it all today because i procrastinated rip 😂#but it feels like an Accomplishment you know?#i dont even know#i think mayhaps its time to sleep 😅#rose rambles#my art
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when your mom walks into the room and just randomly launches into like a 20 minute monologue
#and that's on top of every other time she's been talking at me today#she's been to a gyno this morning and for some reason that prompted her to monologue about like#her intimate medical history and mine and also dad's and my brother's and also her parents'#AND my great grandma's??#and upon me going 'hey could we do without you talking about yours and dad's sex life pleeeease'#she was like 'hmpf! that's life!'#like sure it is and can we please never talk about it#god she needs to get back in touch with her friends I cannot do thisss#something something eldest daughters suffer more than jesus#okay oversharing hour over :)#personal#val talks
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I just got on the ferry to head home after an 8 day stint in PTown and omg my heart and hole are so full
#I had a great time with my men and our friends for a week#and then I extended for one night and stayed with another couple who came into town#we got super fucked up and I got to wear my underwear to the underwear party#I took both their loads and their super sexy roommates#personal#oversharing#sorry it’s the lords day
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Hey this just in? Ptsd sucks balls
#Oversharing on the internet times#Ptsd#-10/10 don't recommend#Ugh#Need my brain scrubbed and shaken out#I would like a new one please and thank you#I promise I won't let this new one be tortured I'll be extra careful#Love how my subconscious has decided that I'm just the worst person on earth all my dreams lately are like#Hey what if you were monstrous? What I'd you personally committed horrific acts against other human beings?#Let's explore that reality in hd#These aren't even the fun nightmares where I can convince myself I'm not seconds from throwing up they were so bad and can decode them#And do dream work with them#Those nightmares always end up having really cool symbolism and are helpful in deeply deeply meaningful ways#I am willing to suffer those nightmares I have made my peace with them it's like a game almost#These ones just shake me up for fucking days and become a never ending spiraling cycle ugh ugh ugh#It's like my intrusive thoughts were made I to a TV show fuck#Me: slightly rude to my gf#My brain: what if you were the same level as evil as rapist#Me: great I'm going to throw up and claw my skin off and have a panic attack thank you brain that was super fucking helpful#The way that my brain is convinced that I'm evil actually is sure is....#Well. It. It seems like my brain learned to abuse myself that it's doing the work of my torturer for her ten years down the line#Mm. Hate that thought a lot actually going#....I was actually going to keep these tags fairly short I wanted this post to be a vague haha ptsd sure is something post and not#Spill my guts in the tags again but what else is new have done this for years so whatever
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my period app allowed me to customise the alerts so naturally I received a notif today that said “blood !! blood !! gallons of the stuff !!”
im the funniest bitch alive to me
#blood is a great song I will stand by that forever#anyways is there ever a time when im not dysphoric on my period ??#so far never lmao#oversharing
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as soon as I have insurance that works in my area its over for you all, you all being my menstrual cycle
#have really come around on the idea of a hormonal IUD#because I really cannot overstate how much getting rid of/reducing my period would improve my life#every month its like what will we get this month?#the not being able to sleep? the 2-4 hours of blinding pain or the 2 days of just generally feeling physically shitty?#or 1-2 days of absolute psychological despair#also! now feels like a great time to take my reproductive tract offline for 5-10 years#oversharing on the internet#personal
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the comments on my fics are some of the only things holding me together rn
#grammar? i hardly know her#The Author Of This Text Post Has Chosen Not To Use Archive Warnings#i still have my kidney stone i am suffering from the side effects of the flowmax i was prescribed i am sick bc my sister coughed in my#face last week when i was bathing her my period just started i am jobless and i'm on the last crumbs of my savings which are currently bein#eaten by medical bills i likely have to move the rent is being increased by $300 bc the landlord is a pos both sides of my family are strug#and i'm anxious about other family/health stuff and my friend is having a Really bad time and there's nothing i can do to help them and#i'll stop there i've already overshared enough#negative /#complaining /#period mention /#tmi /#fuck if i move out of state what am i gonna do about my credits i was gonna try and take the last few courses to finish my degree#....................#the reason i didn't do it this year was bc i couldn't afford it hahfhdshcfdfggfbfggffg...........#rip i guess haha ..................#i have some appointments w new drs next month and i hope i can pay the copay at each of them. it's literally $4....... yet i........#and i need to see some other ones too bc there r too many things wrong w me apparently. cool#life isn't that great rn but i will figure it out eventually#or maybe i won't#whatever i guess#opening the fic comments again i need to feel soemthign that isn't shitty feelings#scarlett.txt
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It was a good Halloween!! 🖤
#for a costume I literally put together today I think it's pretty good#I put on lipstick when I got to the party but I only took one picture and it was in poor lighting#so just imagine dark lipstick lol#I had a really fun day and a great time at my friend's party#you can't really see the hat in the pictures but it's a shimmery purple with webs on top#after watching so much Agatha I needed a touch of purple lol#I have been looking for an opportunity to wear this dress for years and I'm so happy with it#also I borrowed the boots from my mom and I've been waiting for an outfit to wear them too#ashley overshares
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i love my bf omggg we are so sexually compatible lol
#srry oversharing#we were sexting while i was at school today it was great#nothing like a little light reading in the law school bathroom#he also went down on me 3 times on friday night after doing my laundry. this is the future liberals want#i wanna chain him to a bed & step on him (lovingly)
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when you meet a Guy and he is 99.9% perfection but the Holy Spirit says no
#i don’t like like guys often (my last crush was high school) so when i do i just 😳 get a lil fluttered#soo when i met this guy the first time i was like o he’s cute and sweet and just easy to talk to and i was like if i allowed myself j could#let myself like him but then i didn’t see him for a while kinda forgot about him one of my friends is close with him so id see him on his i#story a lot this summer and it was like oh ya he’s cute whatever#but last saturday i saw his at this lil party and omgoodness he’s so cute in person#and GUYS!! MUTUALS MY BELOVED 😭🥹🫠🤭😫 HE TAUGHT ME HKW TO PLAY POOL AND HE WAS TOUCHING MY HAND AKSKDKJDKDKFKFJJFJFF#and there was a lot of casual touching and stuff omgoodness and he was buying everyone soda and stuff and he smelt sooo good#and tHEN AT THE END OF THE NIGHT I GAVE HIM MY SNAP#but then i was praying when i got home before bed and was talking to the Holy Spirit and He was like you could have a relationship w/ this#person and everything would be great physically and emotionally but you will suffer spirtiually and then i started thinking about the progr#ss i've made this summer w/ my relationship w/ God and ya it's definitely not worth it i wouldn't trade Jesus for anything or one#soo now i have to kill the streak i have with him on snap bc it's just not wise to be talking back and forth yk? and if God says so i gotta#do it#ig it's hard cause it's nice being liked liking someone who likes you but God knows better than me soooooo pay ya girl listens and has#and i was talking to my friend who knows him better than me and she was like ya he's such a sweet kind funny guy but he doesn't have a rela#ionship w/ God as far as she knows sooo#the strength to withstand 😭#vk overshares in the tags
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Anyways I think Ponyboy takes years to actually process the grief of Johnny’s and Dally’s death. Like, that numbness he felt, how he became more air headed and such? That carries over for a long, long time. When the grief is fresh, it’s obvious that he’s just sort of numbed to the world; but then things go on and that numbness calms. It doesn’t go away, but it’s better than before, and so people work with it. Ponyboy is a kid, it’ll already be difficult to process so many deaths so close together, so he simply doesn’t.
Years will pass, and something will trigger him. Something will remind him of Johnny, or of Dally, or of his parents. And he’ll break, and then he will realize that he hasn’t healed, the wound suddenly feels all too fresh again. But then that feeling of sadness will pass, and that numbness will return.
#hi i’m projecting onto ponyboy again#this time giving him my situation. seen a lot of death; have not truly processed a single one#first post back in the fandom and I’m already oversharing this is great#but yeah sorry that boy is 14 there’s no way he is gonna healthily process so many deaths especially in a short time frame#ponyboy crutis#the outsiders
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Tagged by @kittlyns (back in march lol) to share my lock screen, last song played, and last picture saved
it didnt specify how many people to tag so im going to tag 10 people bc kittlyn tagged me on my blog's 10th anniversary: @girlwwx @rudiecantfail @yokoyas @glitteratti @booksnbarricades @sonyachni @ettelwenailinon @smiliestboye @sisyphuslnabyss and @hopefulqueer
#i found this it in my activity and i knew i would never have a better last photo than i do at this moment in time#(well the actual most recent photo is just a png of the 2 lime green Xs that i separated out to make future versions of this easier)#the context of the meme is talking about songs being stuck in my head‚ not my general feelings toward them#and its about the great comet of 1813.mp3 not the entirety of great comet#also the pallas cat represents me bc my discord profile is that photo#you dont care#tag games#if you saw this on discord… um hello?? im trying to keep these 2 identities /Vaguely/ separate so pls like… dont share this blog over there#but youre welcome to stay and look around at... my 10 years of complaining and oversharing in the notes 😬#for the people i tagged: i chose you bc youre all people that i interact with/have interacted with in the past#thank you for being here. you obviously dont have to do this if you dont want to!#sorry im never on here anymore its bc i access ao3 through the tumblr app rather than a regular mobile browser so i cant really use mobile#and my internet makes it difficult to use tumblr on desktop#not me being like 'damn i cant believe NONE of them saw this yet' only to realize its been in my drafts for 3hrs#since i wrote this up i listened to zayn's leaked demo 'hurt' but im not updating this now#partially bc the idea of writing the alt text for the album cover i made makes me irrationally nervous
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weird though because like
#it's funny. waking up today was honestly surreal#i didn't ever think I'd make it this far#waking up in my apartment moved out of my parents house#with a job#having turned 25#like. i neeeever in my wildest dreams would have imagined that my dreams would have come true#i think I'll only be equally as surprised when i wake up on my 28th birthday#to be completely honest and i am a little drunk but like#my life is a series of postponed suicide plans#like#I've been through so much and have toyed with the idea over and over again#but i keep thinking like 'well if im planning on dying i might as well wait until tomorrow and see how things turn out'#and then every. single. time!#things just.... work out!#or i realise that my problems aren't as big as they seem#anyway postponed suicides is a great name for a band#OOOH OR A SONG#I GOT SOME NEW GUITAR PEDALS FOR MY BIRTHDAY OMG BRB#I'VE GOTTA WRITE THIS DOEN AND MAKE IT INTO A SONG#anyway sorry for oversharing as always#mine#suicide
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picking a course makes me want to cry and throw up so bad
#this will set up the rest of my life im afraid#there are 2 viable courses. the others are too complex and will not benefit me in the long run#the two viable choices. one I have experience in bec its somewhat art related#and it has real jobs. but its real rare and kind of underappreciated here where i live#might be hard to apply for#and the other one. i have vague interest in#not much experience however it has great jobs and opportunities everywhere#overall i will learn More and gain more from it probably. its not the most annoying subject in the world#sorry i dont have any figures that i can ask in my life about it hahaha all they say is 'which one would you enjoy more'#ive been in a self aware depressive state for years now i have no real passion for anything#i just do the things i know i can do#i would enjoy either the same normal amount#one where i can hone and expand on an existing skill#and one where i can take up new opportunities and expand my brain . my tool belt if u will#and i would really like either#i will gnaw wood#sorry for oversharing on main this is an actual cry for help heehoo maybe someone out there is going thru the same thing or whatever#it's just a lot of irreversible wasted time and effort and money
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