#overly sincere post but here. take it

[tinystepsforward]

my therapist went to a seminar last week about childhood trauma and shame and we talked about some stuff that was helpful for me so maybe it'll be helpful for other people too.

in short, when your childhood's been Bad in a particular way repeatedly or over a period of time, fight and flight don't work, right? you can't fight it every time. you can't leave. so what you've got left is surrendering for your survival.

and if you've done that for a while, growing up, then it becomes really difficult to not just wave that white flag whenever anything related to that Bad or to the family involved comes up! bc your brain thinks that if you don't surrender you'll fucking die.

(on that note: she also told me off for repeatedly being like "but it wasn't life or death tho". if you were at a point where you had to make that choice to survive, your brain was parsing it as life or death ⁠— at least psychologically if not immediately physically.)

and it can feel really pathetic! that shame grows from the moment you first make that choice to live, bc surrendering is accepting that to live, you gotta see them as more important than you. it's humiliating. and that shame grows roots, and becomes this thing that eats your life, that what's wrong with me, why can't i do this. that maybe i don't deserve to do this.

i'm working on trying to set boundaries and/or address issues with family and i'm nearly thirty and have built a whole fuckin life for myself and it still makes me want to die every single time. but my therapist wanted to acknowledge the monumental work it takes to even get to the point where you think that you might want to set those boundaries. and i'm proud of myself, on some level. and if you're doing that work, i'm proud of you too.

[threeacttragedy]

Entry 7: The One Where the Queen Asked, “Did That Go the Way You Thought It Was Gonna Go?”

I’m probably one of the few people in this fandom who find Antonia entertaining.

Goddammit – put down your fucking pitchforks!

I didn’t say I liked her – I simply said I found her entertaining.

If Antonia’s existence bothers the fuck out of you, you’ll likely enjoy my commentary here.

*And, right about here is when I’ll slip in my disclaimer: this is my opinion only; merely speculation based on information that is out there in the public realm.

Now, where was I?

Oh, yes, Antonia. I don’t find her entertaining because I think she’s a great dancer. Is she? You tell me. I mean, I have two left feet so just about anyone is better than me.

And, I have never seen a picture or video where she’s made me “like” her as a person. In fact, she comes off more like a villain, but not a brilliant villain (I might like her, then). She’s more like an Iago to, say, Deux Mois’ Jafar.

I just find her so fucking reckless, but in the most amusing way possible. If she were a movie, I’d give her 4/5 stars. The movie would be a low-budget comedy, of course.

In my opinion, she loves to troll the fandom and I’m convinced she must have notifications turned on for Nicola. The patterns started patterning early on during the World Tour (and probably before). The problem is, she’s just not great at trolling. Her attempts always fall flat, and she ends up making herself look like, well, a tryhard (hence why her movie only gets 4/5 stars).

I’m not sure what Antonia ever was to Luke but, at a minimum, I will (begrudgingly) say they dated. I know some people don’t want to hear that, but she was a player in this game for a reason. Rumor also suggests she, at the very least, squatted in Luke’s flat (and I don’t mean in THAT way).

That said, I believe she was officially taken out of the game at the end of July. However, that doesn’t mean she wasn’t still making noise from the sidelines.

One of the most humorous (in my opinion) “rah rahs” Antonia pulled was on September 28 when she posted some stories of herself at a theatre. I’m not sure if she could have been any more obvious when trying to show us her phone screen. The screen was lit up, her thumb pressed against it, and angled almost directly at the person taking the picture.  We get it, honey. You want us to see what’s on your screen. Not surprisingly, it appeared to be a blurry ass picture of Luke.

Big whoop, right? Well, actually it was because the Conscientiously Stupid took this as confirmation Luke and Antonia were together (again) and the Sincerely Ignorant swallowed their cyanide pills without water (again). And, the Fact Finders, while trying to resuscitate their dearly beloved Sincerely Ignorant friends foaming at their mouths, immediately called “bullshit” (again). The picture appeared to be old and, to be honest, it was too blurry to tell who was on the screen – although I will concede it could have been Luke. In fact, I tend to believe it was an old picture of Luke based on what happened next.

The problem with Antonia’s play style is that she doesn’t seem to catch on to the rules. She moves her pawn two spaces because she can, not because it advances her game. She has this nasty habit of ignoring, say, the opposing party’s pawn, which is in position to en passant her overly confident pawn.

Nicola had been living high on life throughout the month of September, which, in my opinion, is quite possibly the reason why Antonia seemed a bit unhinged by the end of the month (jealousy can make us do crazy shit). Among other things, Nicola had the Emmy’s (and the Wordle), the Gucci show, and, on October 1, she was presenting Simone with a Glamour Award. By this point, I believe Nicola had had enough of Antonia’s gameplay. The phone screen had struck a chord.

So, what does Nicola do?

She plays the game right back but not like she normally does with Scrabble boards, Dewy Skin Creams, and BTS wedding footage dropped at the perfect moment. This time, she does it with a power move that left her hands virtually spotless.

On October 3, Halley Brisker, Nicola’s frequent hairstylist, posted a set of four pictures to his Instagram grid, three of which showed Nicola casually posing for the camera and one showing Nicola in the process of having her hair done. It was the latter picture (#3/4 in the slide deck) that perked every Lukolas’ ears.

Low and behold sat a man, his face conveniently covered by a hairdresser’s arm, but his hands in full view. Hands that, at this point, we (embarrassingly) know too well. To date, no one has debunked the theory – more like, assertion – that the man in the picture is Luke.

Nicola liked this post by Halley, and even commented, “You legend [red heart emoji].” You’re welcome to read between the lines on that one.

I’ve always believed this Halley Brisker photo dump was Nicola’s very clever, albeit indirect, way of telling Antonia, “Checkmate, bitch.”

The point of this entry is not to convince you that Antonia is a red herring (she is), or that Luke is in the Halley Brisker photo dump (he is), or that Nicola plays the game better than most (she does). No, the point of this entry is to tell you Antonia’s game is over (because it is). Antonia lost.

So why does she remain on the roster?

Because, collectively, we as fans keep her there, sitting along the sidelines in her collapsable camp chair making noise with her cowbell. We pay attention to what she posts. We talk about what she posts. We argue over what she posts. We panic about what she posts. WE keep her in the game.

How about we don’t?

Why not start off this week with a positive change? And, not just for the USS Lukola, but for yourself as well.

If you’re following Antonia on social media (for sinister reasons) – stop. Meander over to Instagram, X, Tiktok, whatever, and unfollow her. Don’t look back. Stop checking her page. If you see or hear she has a new post, ignore it. Move on. The first day will be hard. But, the second day will be easier. You know where I’m going with this…

I mean, Luke can’t quietly unfollow her if we’re constantly looking in that direction, right?

P.S. If you need more convincing that Antonia’s shelf life has expired, I have a CliffsNotes response for that: https://www.tumblr.com/threeacttragedy/767137910999957504/great-blog-but-if-all-was-not-good-with-l-and-a?source=share.

P.P.S. Moving forward, I don’t give two boiled rabbits about what Antonia does. I will most certainly refer back to her in a historical sense (she does fill in bits and pieces of the Lukola timeline), but if she posts a crockpot tomorrow, don’t expect me to comment on what could be in it.

P.P.P.S. If you have any understanding of what the little chessboard I’ve dropped in to my picture means, I salute you.

[fabbyf1]

just a reminder to all my lovely followers to take a deep breath.

drink some water. have a snack. close your eyes for a few minutes. log off for a while. watch something that makes you happy. listen to some music, or a podcast, or anything that makes you smile

please don't let formula 1 ruin your mental health.

my timeline is an... interesting place to be today. i have seen a lot of posts that make me think "oh no... i hope that person is okay." a lot of people are sad today (for valid reasons!) and a lot of people are happy (also for valid reasons!) and it's okay to be either or both, but it's a great time to remember that you will be okay.

and that you will make it through this.

please don't let formula 1 ruin your mental health.

i know it's hard not to get overly attached to drivers, especially when we have so much access to them and consume so much of their content. and i know watching them leave the sport feels like everything is over and that you'll never enjoy it like you once did.

but as someone who has been around this sport for a while, i can tell you that your love for it will come back, and you'll fall in love with other drivers. and, if not, you can step away from the sport with absolutely no repercussions! none of us are getting paid to be here. (at least i'm not.)

please, please, please log off for a while if you're are actively hurting over this.

i promise you it's not worth it.

i'm here if anybody wants some forced elderly advice about putting yourself first <3

sincerely, grandma

[dark-romance-yan]

Make Me Forget

Yandere Jiyan-First Time meeting since you broke up.

A/N; This is just a one-shot of Jiyan from Wuthering Waves as a yandere. I'm in a writing mood so plz send requests if you'd like. Info about requests n stuff are on the pinned post in my profile.

Warnings; It's basically just pure smut about half way into it, p in v intercourse, slight choking(?), dirty talk, coercion, afab reader, UNEDITED

Wordcount; 6,800+

You and Jiyan broke up about two years ago, well, you broke up with him. He wasn't willing to let you go, fought endlessly to convince you to stay with him, promised you that he would change his possessive and overly protective nature. But he never did, he couldn't, not with how dangerous the world is. You had to stay home where it was safe, stay within the city of Jinzhou, not to step a foot outside the walls. He'd always make the excuse that it's far too dangerous for you to leave despite your arguments of how you can take care of yourself. You just wanted to explore but he wouldn't let you. And it's not like he could go out with you very often due to how busy he is with his duties as General of the Midnight Rangers. So you made the decision to end the relationship with him, moved out of your shared home while he was out on a mission and left a sincere letter for him on his desk.

During the first couple of months, Jiyan pleaded for you to come back home to him, to be his again, but you refused. He'd write love letters to you whenever he had a moment to spare but you never wrote back, never gave him the time of day anymore. So he let you go, or at least that's what you thought when the letters stopped. Within the past two years, Jiyan had been keeping tabs on you, gaining information from a certain information broker he's acquainted with. Anyone you dated mysteriously disappeared or passed away.

At present, you're sitting on fallen log outside the city walls of Jinzhou gazing at nothing in particular as you try to cope with the deep pain of losing your boyfriend due to a tacet discord attack a week ago. You don't even know how it could have happened, the guards had cleared the area he was exploring but a tacet discord happened to appear out of thin air and killed him. It had to be a coincidence this was the third time this happened to someone you were dating, right?

For the past two years you've felt nothing but pain and loss, only having brief moments of happiness but it's all snatched away when someone close to you vanishes from your life suddenly. Is this karma for something you did in your past?

Before you could continue with your thoughts, there is a deep and low growl behind you. Slowly turning to look behind you, there is a wolf tacet discord behind you, growling as it charges to attack you. You close your eyes and raise your arms to brace yourself for the impact but it never comes. Instead you're greeted with a familiar voice that you haven't heard in so long. "Are you alright?" You peak out from behind your arms to see Jiyan rubbing his shoulder and the fading tacet discord behind him. Sighing, you drop your arms back to your sides, trying to not act amused to see him meanwhile inside your heart flutters in a way it hasn't in a long time. "Yeah, I'm fine." You mutter, tearing your gaze away from him. Truthfully, you're not fine. You were terrified that you were about to meet the same fate as your previous partners, and Jiyan seemed to notice your fear as your body trembles and your shaking hands clench into fists.

He reaches out his hand and gently places it on your shoulder, trying to comfort you while acting friendly as he sits beside you on the log. He is about to speak but you beat him to it in an effort to act strong, making him shut his mouth. "What are you doing here?" You ask in a harsher tone than you intended, but you couldn't control it with all the emotional turmoil you're in. Jiyan stares at you for a moment with a raised brow, surprised by the harsh and stand offish treatment with him. He should be the one treating you like that after you left him with no explanation and broke his heart. But he gave you grace, knowing exactly why you're upset, he's the cause of it after all. He clears his throat, moving his hand off your shoulder and you felt colder. "Well I was on my way to the city to rest for a of couple days before I leave for another mission until I heard the TD and someone in danger. I didn't realize it was you I was saving at first." He spoke, only telling mostly the truth, knowing fully well it was you. He could spot you from miles away, even sense your presence. "What are you doing here? I can see that something is haunting you, darl-...I mean, Y/n." He cleared his throat as he corrected himself to using your real name instead of the one he used during your relationship. Deep down you ached to hear him call you that again. "It's nothing...well, it's not nothing. It's just.." You struggle to find the words, fighting with yourself on whether to confide in him. But you didn't have anyone else to help you through your pain, the aching pain that never seemed to end.

You let out a shaky breath as you cross your arms over your chest as if hugging yourself. Then you feel the familiar warmth of his hand on your shoulder, his thumb gently caressing your skin. "I know I'm not the best person to open up to, being that I'm your ex and we didn't end on the best of terms but, Y/n, I'm always here for you and I want you to be happy. You can tell me anything." He reassures, you peer up at him for a few moments, your eyes searching his for any sign of deceit but even if there is one you wouldn't care at this point. Your eyes fill with tears that threaten to spill at any moment with just being given the chance to vent your feelings, quickly turning your gaze to stare down at your lap. Sniffling, you finally speak in a croaky voice, "My...My boyfriend died last week. I just can't believe he's gone." His heart aches as he hears the pain in your voice, all over a death of a boy who isn't even worthy of breathing the same air as you.

But he can't help but feel victorious, you're finally opening up to him, finally talking to him again. His plan that he's put so delicately together is finally unfolding and working in his favor. "Oh, Y/n..." He coos in a soothing tone as his thumb strokes your shoulder, a subtle gesture to comfort with a dark intent to assert himself back into your life. "That's tragic, how heartbreaking. I am so sorry for your loss." He adds as if he's not the one who indirectly caused your pain, waiting for a moment to gauge your reaction, only seeing you nod as you lean into his touch on your shoulder. He takes a chance to move closer, his leg subtly brushing against yours in an attempt to re-establish that intimate connection with you. "But just know, you have me to turn to. I'll always be here for you." Hearing the words you longed to hear from someone to help you cope from your pain, you struggle with your emotions.

Feeling overwhelmed by the mixture of emotions that have been building up within you, you turn and nuzzle your face into his chest as you finally let your tears slid down your cheeks, sobbing quietly. He wraps his arms around you gently, holding you close as he strokes your hair. He hopes you don't hear his heart racing against his chest, all of his own pain of the past two years melting away as he holds you in his arms again. His hand caress your back soothingly as he speaks in a soft, reassuring tone. "Shh, it's okay Y/n. I'm here for you." He wants to make it clear to you that he is the only stable person in your life, the only one who can comfort you, hold you, love you. He's finally re-establishing an emotional connection to you. "Let it out, darling. I've missed this so much." He holds you tightly, his grip comforting but firm as you sob into his chest. He hates to see you so upset but the relief of feeling you in his arms again over riding any of the heart wrenching emotions.

After a few long moments pass and your sobs come to a stop, he pulls back slightly to gaze into your eyes, his own glistening with longing and concern. He lightly brushes a strand of hair from your face and tucks it behind your ear. "I've changed, Y/n. I'm not the same guy who hurt you in the past. I want to prove that to you. Please, Y/n, let me take care of you now." He speaks with sincerity, but carry an underlying obsession, struggling to hide his obsession for you. You sniffle as you gaze up at him, his hands moving to gently cup you cheeks while his thumbs wipe away any remaining tears. "Jiyan..." You start in a weak voice, your heart aching for his love but it just didn't feel right. "I'm not ready for a relationship again, not after what just happened." You watch his reaction carefully, but he just gazes at you with loving, understanding eyes as he nods slowly. "Of course, Y/n. I don't expect anything from you, just consider my presence as a gesture of support." His hand finds yours, squeezing it gently as a sign of reassurance while his underlying intention is to reestablish their intimate connection. He has an insatiable desire to win you back, he's just waiting for the right moment as he's reentering your life under the guise of support.

He stands, offering his hand to help you stand up which you accept. "We should get back to the city before it gets dark, I'll take you back home. But only if you want me to." He speaks in a gentle tone, meanwhile there's a hidden meaning that implies you're his to take care of and protect. You give him a small sad smile, nodding as you place your hand in his and stand. "Sure, I don't really want to be here anymore." You reply as you let him lead the way back to the city. The walk back to the city is quiet, yet comfortable.

Once you enter the city again, the streetlights shine above the two of you as stars fill the night sky, reminding Jiyan of the many strolls you two shared when you were together. His hand brushes against yours, taking the opportunity to hold your hand in his gently, his thumb caressing over your knuckles. You can't stop the small smile that tugs at your lips, reminiscing their sweet and tender moments they've shared. "I've missed this. Just the two of us, together like this." Jiyan breaks the silence, his head tilting to look down at her with a loving smile. You almost smiled back as you gazed up at him, but hesitate as you remind yourself of the aching pain in your heart after losing your partner. "Jiyan.." You sigh his name, as if scolding him as you turn your gaze away from him, looking anywhere but him. "Please don't say things like that. Not now." You mutter as a mixture of emotions swirl through her chest while you pull your hand away from his.

He looks at you with a wounded expression, his hand hanging in the air for a moment before retreating back. "You're right, I apologize. I forgot myself for a moment there." He speaks with a contrite tone, a frustration starting to brew deep within him as you're still wasting your emotions on that pathetic boy. "It's just...being close to you again feels so natural. Like it hasn't even been two years, no time has passed." He downplays his obsession to gain your trust and love again. The two of you approach your front door to your home, Jiyan stays a couple steps behind you to give you space. You unlock your door but hesitate to step inside of your dark, quiet and lonely home. You turn to look at him with a small smile as you nod towards your open door, your mouth moving before you could even process what you were saying. "Do you want to come inside? I...I don't really want to be alone right now." He is ecstatic. You need him right now and even voiced it to him. He's finally breaking down your defenses by providing you with comfort and support.

"Of course, I'd never leave you alone again if that's what you wished." His tone is gentle and concerned, yet also carries an unspoken implication that he's the only one who can truly understand and support you. He watches your movements intently as you step inside and begin removing your jacket. He can't help but notice how your blouse clings to your curves, the fabric seeming to glow in the dim light of the entryway. His eyes linger on the swell of your breasts and the slender line of your waist, his throat constricting with desire. He shifts his gaze to admire your home, not wanting to be caught ogling you, but his cheeks are flushed. "Can I help with anything?" He's is concerned, but there's an undercurrent of hunger beneath the words. He wants nothing more than to worship your beautiful body, to remind you of all the pleasure he can provide. He imagines peeling that blouse off you slowly, revealing the familiar body underneath, too caught up in his own imagination to notice you disappear into the kitchen.

Finally, he notices you again when you hold up a wine bottle as you pear out from the corner of the kitchen. "You can help me finish this bottle of wine." You speak up with a dull cheerful tone, coming off as more awkward and shy. His eyes light up as you offer him the wine, a smile spreading across his face. He takes the bottle from you, his fingers lightly brushing against yours as he does. The subtle contact sends a jolt of electricity through you. "I'd love to join you in a glass... or two." His tone is playful, but underneath lies a hunger to be closer to you, to recapture the intimacy you once shared. He pours two glasses, handing one to you as he leans against the counter across from you. His thigh accidentally brushes against yours as he does, and he makes no move to pull away, savoring the contact. "So tell me, how have you been? Really been? I know it's been tough losing... him." He says the name carefully, not wanting to upset you, but also subtly asserting that he's the one who truly understands your pain.

You take a sip of your wine, a sharp pain in you heart as he mentions your recently deceased boyfriend. You exhale, staring down at the red liquid in your glass. "Honestly, I don't know how I feel. Sometimes, it hurts to even breathe, and other times, I...I just don't feel anything." You answer, your voice cracking. You stay silent for a moment before tilting your head back slightly as you drink the rest of the wine in your glass, attempting to drown the pain. "But I don't really want to talk about that right now...Um, how have you been? How's work?" You ask as you fill your glass again with more wine, momentarily glancing at him with a half smile. Feeling a wave a heat, you pull your hair out of it's ponytail. He watches as you let your hair down, the sudden movement releasing a cascade of hair that frame your face perfectly. His heart races at the sight, remembering all the times he used to run his fingers through your hair, the way the soft strands would fall against your skin. He feels an intense urge to do the same now, to recapture that intimacy, that control over your beauty. "Work has been...steady. Nothing exciting to report." He replies, barely paying attention to his own life at the moment. His focus is entirely on you, on rekindling the connection you two once had. "But enough about me. You look lovely with your hair down, Y/n." He says sincerely, his eyes drinking in the sight of you. He notices the way the wine has slightly flushed your cheeks, making your skin glow, and he imagines all the other intoxicating ways he could make you lose yourself in pleasure. "Perhaps I can help you forget about your pain, just for a little while. If you'll let me." His voice is a low, husky purr, filled with longing and a subtle undercurrent of possessiveness.

You stare at him with an intense gaze, your eyes trailing over his fit figure with a growing desire from his suggestion. But you snap yourself out of your daze, forcing yourself to look away as you shake your head. "Jiyan, we both know where that will lead..." You mumble, even though you wanted to forget your pain, to lose yourself in him like you did all those years ago, but it didn't feel right. "I'm not really ready for that right now." You add, staring down at the wine as you take another sip. He feels a sting from your rejection, but quickly pushes it aside. He's not going to let a little thing like resistance stand in his way. "Darling..." He says softly, gently taking your chin in his hand. His thumb strokes your jawline, a feather-light caress meant to comfort, yet also subtly assert his dominance. "You don't have to make any decisions now. Just let me hold you. Let me take care of you." His tone is a soothing balm, promising safety and intimacy, but also carrying an underlying current of insistence. He wants to hold you, to have his body pressed against yours, to feel your warmth and scent and know that you're his again. "I know it's been tough...but you don't have to face it alone. I'm here for you." He says the words you've been aching to hear from someone for so long. You confuse comfort with desire, your eyes staring up to his with uncertainty. "I don't know..." You whisper, your gaze flicking from his eyes to his lips, your own wine stained lips parting. His free hand gently guides your hand to lower the glass onto the counter as he sees the moment of weakness, the way your lips part ever so slightly as you struggle with yourself. He knows he has you right where he wants you. "Shhh...it's okay, my love." His tone is soft, soothing as he leans down, his lips brushing against your ear as he speaks. "Let me hold you. Let me take care of you. Just for tonight." His words are a gentle persuasion, an insistence that's hard to resist when you're in this vulnerable state. He's offering you comfort and affection, but also a chance to belong to him again, to let him have control over you and your well-being. "Please, Y/n. I need to hold you." He whispers the plea, his breath hot against your skin. He's not giving you a choice, not really, not when you've stepped into his delicately laid trap so willingly.

Your hands lightly grip his shirt as you feels his hot breath against your skin while your breathing turns uneven, your tipsy state working against you to make you more desperate. "Just for tonight." You repeat his words in a whisper. His grip on your chin tightens ever so slightly, a small smile playing at the corners of his mouth. He knows he's got you, that your pain and sorrow are making you desperate for any distraction, any source of pleasure. And he's more than happy to provide it, to reclaim ownership over your body and desires. "Just for tonight..." He echoes softly, his lips still brushing against your ear. He slowly lowers his head, his mouth finding the sensitive skin of your neck. He kisses you softly, gently, but with a subtle possessiveness, as if staking claim to you once again. "I've missed this...missed you. Please, let me make you feel good again. Let me show you how much I care." His words are a seductive promise, a guarantee of pleasure and intimacy if only you'll submit to him again. His lips trail lower, teasing the top of your blouse as he breathes hot against your skin. “I can make all the pain go away, Y/n. Just let me in." He whispers the temptation, his hand sliding down to grab your hips and pull you against him, your soft curves molding to his fit frame, a faint familiarity both of you desired to reignite.

Without saying another word, you move one of your hands up to cup his cheek, pulling his head up to meet yours, your eyes meeting for a split second before closing as you close the gap between your lips. He returns the kiss with a hunger that's been building for months, no, years. His tongue invades your mouth, claiming you, reminding you of all the times he's tasted you before. He feasts on your mouth, drinking in the sweetness of your lips, the damp heat of your breath. His hands roam over your body, grasping and kneading the soft flesh, reacquainting himself with every curve and dip. Your hand presses to the back of his neck, slowly sliding up to tangle your fingers in his long blue hair while your other hand lightly grips the fabric of his shirt over his chest. He growls low in his throat, the sound vibrates against your lips, a primal claim of possession. "Mine..." He mouths the word against your lips, his eyes dark with desire and obsession, a promise of all the ways he'll reclaim you tonight. "Every inch of you belongs to me."

You freeze momentarily, blood running cold as his words remind you of the reason you broke up with him in the first place. You let out a shaky breath, slowly pulling back from the kiss as you hesitate and he sees it, the glimmer of doubt in your eyes as you remember the reasons you left him. His fingers tighten in your hair, his grip just short of painful. He leans in close, his lips brushing against your ear as he speaks. "I know I fucked up before, Y/n. But I'm different now. I'll do whatever it takes to make you happy." His words are a honey-coated lie, a promise meant to soothe and reassure. "I just want to make you feel good again. Want to be the only one to touch you, to pleasure you. I'll show you how much I care..." His voice drops to a whisper, the words dripping with sensual promise. His hands slide lower, grasping at your ass, pulling you against him once more. He's going to remind you of all the ways he can pleasure you, of how he's the only one who truly understands your body and its needs. "Please, darling...let me make you feel good...You know I'll take good care of you. That I'll make you feel better than you have in months. Maybe years." His words are a seductive promise, a lure meant to entice you into surrendering to your desires, into submitting to him again and its working. His hand slides up your back, his fingers finding the nape of your neck, his thumb stroking the sensitive skin as your eyes stare into his while you battle with yourself.

But the way golden his eyes stare into yours with longing and temptation, you could no longer find the strength in yourself to deny him. "Jiyan, please make me forget the past two years." You whisper. The corners of his lips curl into smile, you've finally surrendered yourself into him again. His grip on your neck tightens, his thumb stroking the sensitive skin in a possessive caress. He leans in close, his lips brushing against your ear as he speaks. "Anything for you, Y/n. Tonight, you forget about everything...and remember how good we are together." His voice is a husky purr, filled with promise and intent. His hands slide down your body, grasping at your waist as he pulls you against him. He's going to make you forget about any other pathetic man or woman that ever dared to call themselves your partner since he's been yours. "No more thinking, Y/n. Only feeling.” You only nodded to his words, your eyes closing as you focused solely on feeling his hands caressing over your body.  His hands slide up your body, grasping at your breasts, his fingers teasing the sensitive nipples through the fabric of your blouse. "Do you remember how I used to touch you, Y/n? How I could make you scream my name?" His voice is a husky whisper, filled with dark memories and twisted desire. A shaky breath entwined with a moan slips past your lips, as you gaze up at him with a half lidded eyes while you whisper, "Yes, but you should remind me." Your words were like a subtle beg for him, a dark smile spreading across his face, your desperation and surrender clear in the force of your words.

"Anything for you, Y/n. Anything you need, I'll provide." His voice is a seductive promise, a vow meant to soothe and reassure. But beneath the smooth words lies a twisted intent, a promise that he'll take what he wants, no matter how you might later regret it. "I'll make you feel so good, baby. Gonna fuck you 'til you forget your own name." He growls the words, a feral promise that speaks to the obsessions burning in his veins. "Gonna show you what you've been missing. What you need." His hands slide down your body, grasping at the hem of your skirt. With a rough tug, he sends the fabric flying, exposing your bare legs and panties to his hungry gaze. "No more clothes, Y/n. I want to see all of you.”

You pull at your own blouse, tugging it off quickly not caring if it ripped at the seems. You tug at his shirt, a silent plea for him to take it off so you can see his body again, to see if anything has changed about him. "Yes, please make me forget about it all. I only want to feel you." You whisper in desperation, leading him to your bedroom, now standing in front of your bed with him while your hands still tug insistently at his shirt. He feels your desperation, sees the plea in your eyes. His hands move to his shirt, pulling it off over his head in one swift motion. His body is a canvas of lean muscle, his skin tanned and smooth. But for the scars, they've grown in a noticeable number and they'd seemed fairly recent with the pink hue to them. You wouldn't know the violence that simmers beneath his surface but he has grown reckless and aggressive in his battles since you left him. "I'll make you forget, Y/n. I'll make you remember only the pleasure I can provide." He takes your hand, pulling you down onto the bed with him. His body covers yours, his weight pressing you into the mattress. He's claiming you, reclaiming you, making you remember the power he holds over you. "No more thinking, Y/n. Only feeling." He repeats softly as his lips crash against yours, hungry and demanding. His tongue invades your mouth, claiming you, reminding you of all the times he's tasted you before. He feasts on your lips, drinking in the sweetness of your mouth, the damp heat of your breath. "I've broken you into pieces, my love. And now I'm going to put you back together again...my way.” He confesses against your lips but you don't even seem to comprehend a word that comes out of his mouth as your tongue glides across his in a dance of desperation from both partners. Your hands slide up and down his chest, massaging and feeling his toned abdomen to reacquaint yourself with it, noticing the slight changes that occurred during the years you've been apart.

He feels your tongue, tastes the sweetness of your mouth, the desperate heat of your breath. His hands roam your body, grasping and kneading the soft flesh, reacquainting himself with every curve and dip. He pulls away from the kiss, his lips brushing against your ear as he speaks. "You've missed this, haven't you Y/n? Missed my touch?" His voice is a seductive purr but beneath the smooth words lies a subtle edge, a hint of possessiveness and control. "I've missed you too, darling. More than you know." His hands slide lower, grasping at your thighs, pushing your skirt up around your hips. His fingers dance along the lace of your panties, teasing the sensitive fabric. "Let me show you how much I've missed you. Let me remind you of all the ways I can pleasure you.” You let out shaky breaths as he pulls away from the kiss, a string of saliva connecting your lips as you look up at him with a flustered look. "Yes, I've missed you, so much. Should've never broken up.." You lift your hips up off the bed slightly to help him slide off your panties.  He tosses the damp cloth aside, his gaze devouring the sight of your naked sex. "You haven't regretted it, Y/n. Not really." His voice is a silky snake, smooth and inviting, yet coiled with danger and intent. He leans down, his lips brushing against your ear as he speaks. "But don't worry, baby. I'll make you forget all about your regrets. I'll remind you of why you loved me in the first place." His hand spreads you open, exposing your wet, eager flesh to his hungry gaze. His finger circles your clit, teasing the sensitive bud. "I'll show you how much I've missed you. How much I love you." He dips his finger deeper, swirling the tip of his finger in your slick folds, gathering your arousal. You let out a whiny moan, sending him an impatient glare that looked more desperate by the second. "Damn it, Jiyan...please stop teasing me already." You speaks in a whinier voice than intended, your legs spreading a little wider, desperate to be utterly suffocated by pleasure.

He sees your desperation, hears the plea in your voice. "Oh, I'm going to tease you, Y/n. I'm going to torture you with pleasure until you can't think straight." His finger continues its wicked dance, circling and teasing, dipping and swirling. He's stoking the flames of your desire, building you up only to deny you release. "I'm going to make you beg, baby. Beg for my cock, for me to fill you up." He leans down to brush his lips against yours with every word he spoke. "I'm going to ruin you for anyone else. You'll only be able to accept the pleasure I give you." You couldn't think straight anymore, only focusing on the way his fingers continue to tease your pussy. You're nothing but a whiny and moaning mess, your cheeks pink and eyes half lidded as your gaze flicks from his hand between your legs to his face repeatedly. "Oh fuck...please, Jiyan. Please I need you inside me." You whine softly, his teasing driving you crazy. He sees your desperation, hears the plea in your voice, you could even feel his lips curl into a wicked smile. "Not yet, Y/n. I'm not done playing with you yet." His fingers continues its wicked dance, circling and teasing, dipping and swirling. "You need to beg for it, baby. Beg me to fuck you." He whispers against your lips "Tell me how badly you need my cock. How much you crave it." He slides two of his fingers inside you but just barley, moving the digits in a scissoring motion to prepare you.

Any walls you once had up for him broke down as he kept teasing you, building up your arousal but never giving you release. "Jiyan...fuck...please fuck me. Please fill me up with your cock." You beg, your eyes staring into his with a pathetic desperate look on your face. "Please stretch me and fill me, no one has ever compared to you. I miss your cock so much." You plead in a whiny tone, any shame you once had is gone. He sees your desperation, hears the pathetic plea in your voice. A dark smile spreads across his face. "Oh, my love...you want my cock so badly, don't you?" His fingers pause their movements momentarily, his hand pulling back from you and you think that he's finally giving you what you desire. "I can give you that, Y/n. I can fill you up with my big, hard cock." He leans down, his lips brushing against your ear as he speaks. "But you have to promise me one thing..." His hand slides up your body only to wrap around your throat. His grip is firm, possessive, a threat underlying the words. "You have to promise me that you'll never leave me again. That you'll be mine, completely, forever." His other hand fists in your hair, forcing your eyes to meet his. He's demanding your surrender, your complete and utter submission. "Do that, and I'll give you the pleasure you crave. I'll fuck you so hard, you won't be able to walk straight for a week."

Your eyes widened, your heart beating faster as your eyes met his during the intense moment. Even with the slight fear, you didn't hesitate to answer, his suffocating warmth better than your cold painful life. "Yes, I..I promise. I'll never leave you again, I'll be yours. Forever." You promised, a shaky breath following your words. A chill runs down his spine and his heart beats faster as he hears the words of promise that he set out to hear the moment you left him. "Good girl, Y/n. You won't regret this." His hand loosens around your throat, sliding down to lace with your fingers. He brings your joined hands to his lips, kissing them soundly as his eyes gaze into yours. "Now, are you ready for me, my love?" His other hand reaches over to grab his pants, pulling out his massive erection. It's thick and long, pulsing with need. "I'm going to fuck you so good, baby. Gonna make you scream my name." He positions himself between your legs, the head of his cock notching against your slick entrance, eliciting a gasp from you. The feeling is familiar, something you thought about often late at night whenever any of your latest boyfriends couldn't please you. Your hands grip his shoulders, preparing for what's to come, your pussy wet and welcoming his cock. "Oh...yes, Jiyan." You mutter softly, your gaze focusing on the space between their bodies and the way his hands grip your hips, holding you steady as he begins to push inside. "That's it, baby. Take my cock. Let me fill you up." He throbs inside you, his thickness stretching you in all the right ways. He's claiming you, reclaiming you. "You're so tight, Y/n. So wet and slick for me." He leans down, his lips brushing against your ear as he speaks. "I'm going to fuck you good, baby. Gonna make you forget about everything, everyone else." He begins to thrust, pulling almost entirely out of your pussy before slamming back inside, making you nearly choke on a gasp from the impactful feeling and squeak out a high pitched moan. . But you throw your head back, back arching and nails dig into his shoulders. "Oh fuck, Jiyan...oh yes." You moan out, your pussy clenching around his cock as he stretches your soft walls.

"That's it, baby. Moan for me. Let me hear how much you love my cock." He thrusts inside you, brutal and possessive. "You're mine, Y/n. Completely. Forever." His hands grip your hips, holding you in place as he fucks you hard and fast. His cock throbs, a demand for your total surrender. "Give in to me, baby. Give up everything else for me. I'm the only one who matters now." His words are a seductive promise, a lure meant to draw you deeper into his web of desire. Your nails dig into his back creating a long line of scratch marks to his shoulders, a hiss escaping his lips from the slight pain. Your eyes squeeze shut from all the pleasure, your lips staying parted as your moans seem endless, if it wasn't clear you've surrendered to him, it is now. "Gonna make you mine in every way, Y/n. Gonna ruin you for anyone else." His hands leave your hips, sliding up your body to wrap around your throat and grip your hair. He forces your eyes to meet his, demanding your complete focus. "Look at me, Y/n. Tell me you're mine." He squeezes your throat gently, just enough to remind you of his strength and control. Your breath hitches, your eyes focusing back up onto his face again, his eyes boring into yours. The feeling of being so controlled by him only intensified your pleasure. "I'm yours." You answer quickly in a desperate tone, your eyes squeezing shut as you feel close.

He feels your submission, sees the desire in your eyes. "Good girl, Y/n. You're so close, aren't you? So close to coming apart for me." He continues to fuck you with fasts thrusts, the tip of his cock hitting that spot inside of you that made you see stars that no one else could reach. "Let it happen, baby. Let yourself go. I want to feel you shake and scream for me." His hand tightens around your throat slightly, just enough to add pressure and intensity to your building orgasm. "Cum for me, Y/n. Cum hard. Cum all over my cock.” Your nails dig deeper into the skin of his back, leaving deep red marks as you moan out his name, your pussy fluttering and squeezing around his cock as you came. He feels your orgasm, sees the ecstasy on your face and he his lips curl into a slight smile. "That's it, baby. Cum for me. I love watching you fall apart." He continues to thrust inside you, his cock throbbing with each motion. He's savoring your pleasure, prolonging your ecstasy. "You're so beautiful when you cum for me, Y/n. So fucking beautiful." He leans down, his lips brushing against your ear. "I'm going to fuck you through another one, baby. Gonna make you forget your own name." His hands grip your hips, holding you steady as he pistons in and out of your spent pussy.

Your lips part with a whiny moan as he continues to thrust into you, not letting you have a moment to breathe after your orgasm. "Oh fuck...Jiyan, I cant.." You whine out softly as your eyes squeeze shut, your body twitching from the overstimulation but he doesn't stop. One of his hands lift off your hips and grabs one of your hands, intertwining your fingers while he tilts his head to press sweet little kisses down your neck. "Yes, you can, my love. You can take so much more." He speaks so softly while he thrusts his cock faster into your pussy, groaning as you squeeze around him. "You're so fucking tight, Y/n. So wet and slick for me." His hand slides down, his fingers finding your clit. He rubs the sensitive nub in circular motions and in time with his thrusts. "Cum for me again, darling." He whispers softly and as your body writhes in pleasure beneath him. He grunts, feeling the familiar squeeze and pulse of your pussy as you came, his eyes lighting up with such intense love and desire, so pleased to finally have you a mess in his arms once again. And he finally comes undone soon after you, tucking his head in the crook of your neck as he bites down on your soft skin to muffle his moan as he came deep inside of you. Both of you lay still like that for a few moments, panting lightly to catch your breath.

He seems to recover quicker than you, slowly pulling out his cock, making you shiver from the feeling of being so empty again. You thought he was done, opening your eyes to gaze up at him with a sweet smile but that quickly fades as you notice he's grabbing your legs, lifting them up onto his shoulders and he aligns himself with your entrance. He grins down at you, chuckling softly. "You didn't think we were done, did you? Oh, my sweet darling, we have two years to make up for."

[bloodylullaby]

Dont know if you take blurb requests but I wanted to ask for one (no pressure❤)

What about, something like the reader and Noah being together for a couple months and she thinks that he's gonna leave her for whatever reason but Noah 'reassures' her so she can keep calm.

Idk if you like this but do what you please with it❤

Okay, I got overly excited and a little nervous writing this, but I hope this is what you were semi-looking for. If not, I will do it again without hesitation! :) :)

I may or may not have read other blurbs to make sure I was doing this right.

Song

Masterlist

Three glorious months—seemingly a blink in the vast of time, yet profoundly meaningful in the journey you and Noah have navigated. It marks the peak of three years of friendship, a journey paved with shared laughter, countless conversations, and moments of unspoken understanding. Finally reaching the finish line, you both have embarked on a new chapter, intertwining your lives in a bond strengthened by trust, mutual admiration, and a deep-rooted connection. Every day shows the lasting beauty of your relationship and the profound impact of love, which thrives and grows with each passing moment.

Things seemed like they couldn't get more perfect until your first big fight. You posted a picture of you and Noah cuddling up in his bed, and he freaked out a little. He was one for complete privacy regarding the internet, but you wanted to shout your relationship to the world. It was hard for you to understand why he didn’t want pictures of you two posted, and it was even more challenging for you not to take it as personally as you did. You have been holed up in your room blasting "Lover Dearest '' by Marianas Trench for an intense hour, screaming and crying the lyrics to yourself.

You felt like he was going to break up with you sometime in the near future, and it was getting harder and harder for you not to freak out about it. This caused you to slightly distance yourself from him, which wasn’t hard due to him working in the studio a lot lately. Everything seemed reduced to slower texts, fewer calls, and limited visits for several weeks. You knew it was because once Noah had a creative flow, he couldn’t be slowed down, but emotionally, it felt like he was avoiding you because he didn't want you around anymore.

There was a knock on your door, so you slowly got up to answer it. On the other side was Noah, who had a bouquet of your favorite flowers and a big smile on his face. His expression slightly faltered when he saw your tear-streaked face. Confusion crossed his features when he heard the song you were playing. 

“Why are you listening to your break-up song?” He asked. That just pushed you over the edge and made your tears fall again. He grabbed your face with his free hand, wiping away the tears. “Hey…shhhh, it’s okay, baby. What’s going on?” he asked, concern laced in his voice.

“Are you going to break up with me?” You asked through sniffles and hiccups. Avoiding eye contact, you couldn't bear to see his face, knowing it would only deepen your heartbreak.

Seeing the anguish in your eyes, Noah's expression softened with understanding. After setting down the flowers, he gently cupped your face with both hands, coaxing you to look at him. 

"Hey, no, no, baby, I'm not going to break up with you," he reassured you, his voice filled with sincerity. "I love you, okay? I'm here for you."

Feeling relieved, you finally meet his gaze, tears still glistening. With a shaky breath, you leaned into his embrace, comforting yourself with his reassuring presence. Noah held you close, his arms wrapping around you protectively as you let yourself release the pent-up emotions weighing on you. Looking up at him, you both get swept up in the feelings, and he kisses you. At first, it starts slow and gentle, a way for him to show you that he understands your feelings and will be there to take the pain away. Then it starts to turn hungry, showing you his passion for you and that he isn’t going anywhere.

Leading him to your room, you lay on your bed as he climbs over you. The air is thick with anticipation and desire as he leans in to kiss you, his lips tender and warm against yours. As the kiss deepens, you feel a surge of emotion wash over you, the intensity of your connection palpable in every touch.

For the next hour, Noah worships you and every inch of your body, his lips and hands moving with purpose and passion. Each caress declares his love and commitment, reassuring you that he isn't going anywhere. In his embrace, you feel safe and cherished, the worries and doubts of earlier fading into the background as you lose yourself in the moment. Time seems to stand still as you revel in the intimacy and closeness you share, knowing that together, you can weather any storm that comes your way.

[grogusmum]

HAZEL'S THRO-BACK THURSDAY FIC RECS

This week, being particularly hard for us in the Pedro Fando, I shared some of my thoughts on the subject and reminded everyone, as I do each week, it's fic reccin' time.

And boy, did you answer the call! I got recs coming out of my ears! Which is awesome, I got so many reblogs, boosting the signal, so it reached people I've not crossed paths with yet. But I do want to point out that more often than not, I don't get any suggestions. This isn't a guilt trip, I promise. I just want to point out that even though we are busy, even though we can get caught up in our own stuff... we shouldn't wait until the shit hits the fan to hold each other up. And it doesn't always need to be sending in recs to me. It can be an ask telling someone what you like about their blog, their art, writing, editing, or whatever, why you value them in our community. (And you don't need to be eloquent, just sincere) It can be signal boosting someone new's work. If you are usually shy about commenting and reblgging- challenge yourself. Or starting some shenanigans of your own (if you fear it will flop, ask a few moots to help get it going).

So, these are just a few more thoughts from your Hazel 💚 I love you. (Yup, it's true. If hate can be someone's default feeling toward people, my default can be love.) Anyway, without further ado, here come the recs!!!

Imagine a radio DJ from Yesteryear, one hand on the headphones talking overly animated into an overhanging mic

Hey there, everyone in Pedroville! And all across the Greater Tumblrtown Area!! These are usually oldies but goodies, but this week we took old and new alike! This one's coming in from @maggiemayhemnj , who recced We'll Always Have Paris with Marcus Pike x f!Reader by our own @fromthedeskoftheraven !!

The lovely @shchristine has a Javier Peña x ofc fic for all you cats and kittens called MIAMI ! Christine is new to the scene, long time lurker, finally sharing her fic on tumblr. Let's all boost her signal!!

We got a plethora of recc from none other than @pedropascalito , and it's Javi P heavy no shock there!!

When I Think About You by @alwaysbethewest

Good Things Take Time by @oonajaeadira

Don't Look And It Won't Hurt by @mourningbirds1

Blue Star sent in @joelsgreenflannel 's "Golden Like Daylight" (Javier Peña) and one of their own! @bluestar22x "Finding Eden" (Zach Wellison!!!)

We got some more new writers! Not only posting their works but promoting them! You rock babies!!

@sunshinehaze1 So Say Goodbye (Marcus Pike x f!Reader)

@ak-vintage Quarry (Din Djarin x f!Reader)

If you do not see some of your fic recs, I didn't want to overload this post and have stories get lost in the crowd!

I will put them in future Fic Recs.

[trekscribbles]

The Bushwhack Job: Chapter Thirteen

Chapter One Chapter Two Chapter Three Chapter Four Chapter Five Chapter Six Chapter Seven Chapter Eight Chapter Nine Chapter Ten Chapter Eleven Chapter Twelve

(Disclaimer: This is a relatively rough draft and subject to change when I post to AO3. I'm just overly excited and want to share what I have.)

If this had been a normal job, Parker would have been insulted by how easy it was to evade security. After all, they were clearly looking for her—they mentioned finding “the thief” several times, loudly, over their radios while clomping down the hall in their clunky bad guy shoes. She could have avoided them blindfolded, if she’d had the time to play.

But this wasn’t a normal job, and she wasn’t in the mood for playing.

Actually, the guards had been more of a help than a hinderance. Their patrol patterns had showed her where the safe was, so she’d known exactly what to avoid, and they’d confirmed that Lancaster was in his top-floor office.

And they’d given her a gun.

Well, not given, exactly, but as good as. It wasn’t her fault that the guard on the top floor didn’t have the stamina to stay conscious after being tased. And if they didn’t want people to take their guns after knocking them out, then they should have more than one guard patrolling together.

Lancaster had practically invited her in.

She stole down the hallway on silent feet, the guard’s Glock in one hand. According to the men she’d overheard, the next security sweep of this floor wouldn’t be for another six minutes. Plenty of time to find and take care of Lancaster.

Follow the plan, said the voice in her head. We don’t hurt people.

“Maybe you don’t,” Parker said. “Didn’t. Whatever. But you’re not here, so I’m going to make sure Lancaster never hurts anyone else, ever again.”

Nate will keep that from happening.

“Obviously not.”

She was at the door now, and she reached out with her left hand to open it while the voice went on not being helpful. You should call him, he said. You should tell him what’s happening. Go back and find the safe. Stick with the plan.

She waved a dismissive hand and focused on the office. Lancaster had his back to the door, sitting in his chair against one wall, but he spun when he heard her enter. “Finally,” he snapped. “You’re late. Hurry up and get this—”

He frowned when he saw Parker, and scooted his chair back when he saw her gun. “How did you get in here?”

She gave him an annoyed look. “The door.”

“Listen,” he said. “This has all been just a big misunderstanding. You’re a thief, right? You want money? I can give you money.”

“I can take money,” Parker said.

“I can get you more.”

Parker stepped into the room, leaving the door open. She didn’t want it to slow her down later.

Don’t do this.

She ignored the voice and addressed Lancaster instead. “You tried to kill me. I could get over that—I know it was nothing personal. But what you did to Eliot...” She cocked the gun. “That, I can’t forgive.”

“It was a mistake,” Lancaster said. He pressed back into his chair, his eyes wide. “I didn’t mean for—”

She lifted the gun. “I don’t care what you meant. Right now, I just want you to beg.”

“Beg?” he squeaked.

Parker added her left hand to the gun, and Lancaster scrambled back until his chair hit the wall. “Okay,” he said. “Okay—Please. Please don’t kill me. I’ll do anything—pay anything. Please, anything. Anything you want.”

Don’t.

“That wasn’t as satisfying as I thought it would be,” Parker admitted. “Maybe you weren’t sincere enough. Maybe you should cry.”

“Please,” Lancaster whispered.

Parker.

“No,” she said. “I think he should cry. I think that would help.”

“Parker.”

“Stop!” she shouted. Across the room, Lancaster flinched, but even that didn’t make her feel better. “Stop telling me not to do this. He deserves it.”

“You don’t.”

“Yeah, well, neither did you,” Parker said. “It still happened.”

Lancaster’s eyes were fixed over her shoulder. The gun trembled in her hands. 

“Parker. Look at me.”

She squeezed her eyes shut. Because yes, okay, she knew the voice wasn’t inside her head, but if she was wrong—if she looked and he wasn’t there, it would mean she was crazy, for real, and it would mean he was gone gone, and she couldn’t handle that. She couldn’t. So she would just stand here and wait, and eventually the voice would go back into her brain where it belonged, and she could get on with killing Lancaster and everything would be fine. It would be fine.

A hand touched hers. Her eyes flew open against her will, and it was Eliot’s hand, and it wast Eliot’s face moving in front of her, and Eliot’s voice telling her to give him the gun. She let it go, and he took it and disarmed it and tossed the magazine away while her heart made sick, limping stutters in her chest. She reached out to touch his shoulder, because maybe his hands had been imaginary, but his shoulder would have to be real. It made no sense. She didn’t question it.

Her fingers brushed his upper arm—his very solid, very real arm—and she took a breath.

“Okay?” he asked.

She nodded.

Eliot turned to Lancaster. “Where are the other bombs?”

“The other—” Parker stared at Eliot, then at Lancaster, wondering if she could get to the discarded magazine before Eliot stopped her.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Lancaster said.

“Really?” Eliot folded his arms, shifting his stance so his shoulder bumped against Parker’s. “Because if they go off while you’re still inside the building, that could go poorly for you.”

“I wouldn’t—”

The blare of a fire alarm cut him off, and Eliot raised his eyebrows. “That’s Hardison. Nate and Sophie are already outside, along with the evidence that you planned to destroy your own property again. The rest of the building’s being evacuated now. It’s over. Tell me where the other bombs are, and we’ll bring you out with us.”

“Do we have to?” Parker hissed.

Eliot didn’t look at her, but the ghost of a smile lifted one corner of his mouth.

Perspiration shone on Lancaster’s forehead. He glanced between her and Eliot and licked his lips before swallowing loudly. “Okay,” he said at last. “Let me go and I’ll tell you where they are.”

“Tell us where they are and we’ll let you go,” Eliot countered.

“Okay,” Lancaster said. “Okay. Untie me. I’ll show you.”

Eliot frowned, drawing out the decision, making Lancaster sweat—Parker would have made him wait longer, but apparently Eliot was more worried about the bombs. He nodded once and moved across the room, kneeling beside the chair to remove the phone cord from Lancaster’s ankles.

“All right,” he said. “Lead the way.”

Lancaster sputtered. “But you have to untie my hands!”

“You can walk without your hands,” Eliot said.

“But I—”

Eliot grabbed him by the elbow and hauled him to his feet. “Go.”

Lancaster stumbled, turning, and Parker watched the way his hands scrambled for something to hold onto. They were bound behind his back with a belt—his belt, by the looks of it—but he’d worked part of it loose. He twisted as Eliot let him go, bending his arms at an awkward angle, leaning forward at the waist—

“Eliot—” 

Parker saw it an instant after he did. The gun up Lancaster’s sleeve went off with a sharp crack, but Eliot was already moving forward, putting himself between it and Parker. He grunted, his body jerking as the bullet hit, and Parker threw herself forward to catch him as he fell to one knee.

She screamed. Lancaster fled, and she let him go, running her hand down Eliot’s chest, searching for the wound while trying to hold him up. This wasn’t happening. Eliot hadn’t come back from the dead just to be shot now—he couldn’t—he couldn’t—

“Parker,” Eliot said, loudly, like it wasn’t the first time he’d spoken. He took her hand, holding it still over his heart where she could feel it beating. “I’m okay. He got me in the leg.”

He was still upright, leaning against her with one hand over hers and the other pressed against his thigh. “See?” he said, easing his fingers back to expose the tiny hole above his knee. “Small caliber,” he said, his teeth gritting over the words. “In and out—nothing serious. What the hell kind of fake cowboy loser carries an actual freaking derringer in his sleeve?”

“You’re not—” Parker panted. “You’re not—?”

“I’m fine,” he said firmly. “Something that small is single-shot, low accuracy, low damage. Okay? Come on, we gotta…” He started to stand, biting down on a curse, and Parker eased under his arm to help him to his feet. With a groan, he reached for his belt and unclipped a walkie-talkie. “Nate?” he said. “J.B.? You there?”

“We’re here,” Nate answered. “Speak up—can’t hear you over the alarm.”

Eliot cleared his throat and raised his voice. “Is Hardison out?”

“Yeah, he’s right here.”

“I’ve got Parker,” Eliot said. “Or… she’s got me. Lancaster’s on his way downstairs.”

A new voice came over the radio—J.B., whoever that was. “What happened?”

“He had a derringer,” Eliot growled. “Got me in the leg. I’ll be slow getting out. The bombs in the basement had cellphone detonators; Lancaster will call to set them off as soon as he gets out of the building.”

“We’ll cover the exits,” Nate said. “You and Parker get out of there.”

“Roger.”

Eliot handed her the walkie-talkie and pushed her gently toward the door. “Go. I’ll catch up.”

Parker moved back against his side. “I’m not leaving without you.”

“I’m right behind you,” Eliot said. “But I’ll slow you down. You have to—”

Parker stopped, standing still when he tried to nudge her ahead again. “Either we both go, or we both stay.”

Eliot looked at her, his eyes serious and tired beneath the bruises on his face, and her heart broke all over again at the distress in them. It didn’t make any sense. He was here now, he was safe, and they were getting out together. Why did he want her to leave?

“Please,” he said. Begged. “Please, go. If Lancaster detonates the bombs…”

“I’m not leaving you,” Parker said.

His expression shattered. “I left you.”

“What are you talking about?” she asked, her brows furrowing. “You didn’t—”

“I left you,” he repeated, his voice harsh and raw. “Or I—I left the place I thought you were. I would have left you behind.”

“You mean the LanCast building?” Parker asked. Eliot closed his eyes, and she took advantage of his distraction and eased them forward a step.

He went with her, breathing heavily through his nose. “I thought you were inside,” he said. “And after the explosion, I ran off without you. Okay? I abandoned you, and you should—you should do the same to me. I’m slowing you down.”

“I wasn’t inside,” Parker said.

“But I thought—”

“I wasn’t inside.” Parker clipped the walkie-talkie to her waistband with one hand and glared at him from under her bangs. “I don’t care what you thought. I wasn’t inside. It would have been stupid to go back in, and you probably would have died for real if you had. So I’m glad you left.”

“Parker—”

“No,” she snapped. “You’re saying I should just leave you here because you’re feeling guilty about something that didn’t happen? That’s stupid.”

“I’m not—” he sputtered. “I’m saying you can’t trust me. I should have—”

“Stop it,” Parker said. They’d reached the elevator, but when she pressed the button, nothing happened. Eliot opened his mouth, and she turned them both toward the staircase to cut him off. “He must have disabled the elevator. Come on, we’ll take the stairs.”

“Parker, please—”

She kicked open the stairwell door. Eliot let out a pained grunt as he half-stepped, half-fell forward, but she was having a hard time feeling sorry for him. How could he think she would leave him behind? Especially now? She shifted to take more of his weight and spoke without looking at him. “I thought you were dead. Just—gone forever, no warning, no goodbye. And then you come back, and… Do you know what that feels like?”

“Yes,” he whispered. 

“Then why are you trying to get rid of me?”

She tried to say it casually, but it came out just as pathetic and broken as she feared it would—because this was Eliot, and he was supposed to understand her, and—

And she was supposed to understand him, too. She turned her head, listening to his sharp, quiet breaths under the sound of the echoing alarm, taking in his pale face and the whites of his knuckles as he clenched the railing. This wasn’t Eliot in pain.

It was Eliot afraid.

“Why are you trying to get rid of me?” she asked again. 

“I don’t want to get rid of you.” He said it softly, breathlessly, like he was trying to hold the words in even as he let them out. “But right now, I can’t—I can’t protect you, and if anything happens…” He inhaled when she moved down a step, his fingers tightening on her sleeve. “You have to get out,” he finished in a weak voice. “I can’t lose you again.”

Parker gripped his arm. Sophie had told her once that Eliot was so good at what he did because he knew how to stay in control when everything around him fell apart. It was the thing that kept him safe… kept all of them safe. It gave him the clarity to do what needed to be done—the hard things, he’d told her once, that the others couldn’t do. Those were the kinds of decisions they made.

The kind of decision he was asking her to make.

“Eliot,” she said. She waited until he looked at her, his jaw clenched in preparation for her refusal, his mouth pressed flat. She stopped and shifted under his arm so she could face him. “If it gets to the point that you need me to leave, I’ll go. But only if you promise that you’ll make it out after me.”

His expression softened, his hold on her shoulder relaxing into something less desperate, and he nodded.

She eased him down another step. “Do you know Lancaster is after actual buried treasure?”

He snorted. “He told me.”

“Hardison found a bunch of audition tapes he made a few years ago,” Parker said. “When he was trying to get into different Westerns. His accent was even worse than it is now.”

Eliot gave a short laugh, and the sound made Parker beam in response.

Everything would be fine now. The certainty sank through her like melted gold after a successful heist-turned-laundering operation—not that she did those anymore—and she let the warmth soothe away the last of her hurt. Lancaster, hidden treasure, bombs... none of it mattered.

Everything was going to be fine.

Eliot’s knee gave out on the last step, but Parker caught him and held him up while he straightened himself on the railing. “When this is over,” Parker said, readjusting her grip on his shirt. “We’ll watch all of Lancaster’s audition tapes. Hardison will put them up on the screens and you can make your fancy popcorn on the stove, and we’ll mute it so Sophie can do the voices.”

Eliot huffed out a laugh. “They were that bad, huh?”

“Sophie is a better actor than he is.”

She opened the door to the lobby, trying not to feel dismayed at the distance between them and the door. They were so close, and Lancaster was nowhere in sight—maybe they’d beaten him down somehow, maybe with his hands tied—

Eliot’s arm tensed over her shoulders.

A man stepped out from behind the receptionist’s desk and planted himself in the middle of the room, blocking their exit. She recognized him as one of Lancaster’s men, but she didn’t know which one—but from the look on Eliot’s face, he did.

“Parker,” he said, his voice low and gentle. “It’s time.”

Her fingers clenched over his arm. She forced them to relax. “And you promise?”

He looked her in the eye and nodded. “I promise.”

She let him go and ran for the door.

[silverstonesainz-archive]

favorite fics & other good things ↳ my guilty pleasure reads, social media edits, & favorite people

wanted to compile a list of all my favorite reads, in case yall needed something new to look at. (but also if you follow me, you probably follow all my favs and see all their works anyways). this also a cute little post to show appreciation to my fellow writers/creators on here bc...... it's kind of rough out here and i just wanna give a little love. making this also made me realize i read fics from the same rotation of people so if you have fic recs, do send them my way! but without further ado, here we go!

+ long fics

the devil in disguise by @ricc3rodeo [daniel ricciardo x fem!oc] this can't come as shock to yall. if you haven't read this series then you need to RIGHT now. q is a true & honest to god wench for this series but i love it so much. and i love sam so much. and i love HER so much

moonlight by @vamossainz55 [carlos sainz x fem!reader] another great carlos fic & im not just saying that bc i love niks. the plot is CHEF'S KISS so pls read it is 10/10. (note: the link is to the latest chapter, not a masterlist!)

dogs of war by @schuvries [charles leclerc x fem!reader] spirit is by far one of my favorite writers and people on this hellsite. she has such a way with words and i wanna be here when i grow up. read any and all her works you will never be disappointed.

august rush by @harley-sunday [carlos sainz x fem!reader] the softness, the domesticity, the friends to lovers. so fucking good. easily my favorite fics on this sight.

+ one-shots

to live a lifetime with you by @formulabear [charles leclerc x fem!reader] i remember reading this and feeling every ounce of emotion from it. so good. if you haven't read this then you need to right freaking NOW.

listen up / my dear by @oyesmendes [daniel ricciardo x fem!reader] this one made me feel warm and fuzzy inside. gotta love me some danny ric!!!

though i have to travel far, remember me by schuvries [daniel ricciardo x gn!reader] spirit absolutely tore me apart with this one. ripped me to shreds. so fucking good.

said something stupid, instead of 'i love you.' by @absolutelynotmate [charles leclerc x fem!reader] 27k words of delectable writing. take a seat, drink some coffee, & enjoy the ride of emotions this fic brings

brought me here by @leclsrc [carlos sainz x fem!reader] auds is the only person who can make me cry over oranges. this makes me so ill (but in the best way) and makes me fall for carlos even more.

has yet to pass by leclsrc [carlos sainz x fem!reader] the angsty?? the slow burn?? the ending. you have to read it. HAVE TO.

the 1 by @lxclerc [daniel ricciardo x fem!reader] i think of this fic often. this also tore me to shred in the best way. lex is also one of the best writes yall should read her entire masterlist actually.

+ blurbs

snowflakes by absolutelynotmate [carlos sainz] wanna be in the snow with carlos :(

carousel by absolutelynotmate [carlos sainz] i also want to have his baby

overly sincere by leclsrc [charles leclerc] auds is sick for this one

yellow? by schuvries [carlos sainz] the idea of carlos calling me his "hielo" makes me rabid

frosting by @diorleclerc [carlos sainz / 18+] this... this makes me feral. i want this.

13:44 by formulabear [carlos sainz] the softness of this makes me want to swallow my pillow. i want this man so bad

mick + choking by @whorekneecentral [mick schumacher / 18+] this isn't a blurb so much as it is a brainrot post but it is important to me i include this on the list. i want mick so so so so bad.

+ social media aus

tiktoked / sneaky by leclsrc [carlos sainz] my guilty pleasure au. fuck this is my dream. actually auds got the texts from my phone(real)

a bet is a bet by absolutelynotmate [charles leclerc] this. chef's kiss. the work put into these aus. fuck my wife is PHENOMENAL.

[nyahctrl]

𝜗𝜚 Satoru with a s/o who likes to get stoned

authors note: last thursday when i had ‘an experience’ i do not want to romanticize. i thought about how gojo would react to his s/o being high (because he doesn’t use any mind altering substances) so here i am ft. the notes from my phone i tried to use (i barely formed words) / tumblr doesn’t let me posts blogs with pics so excuse the lack of aesthetics

cw: drug use (mari🍃nna), insecure reader, nickname use princess

"Babe?"

"Yeah, princess?"

"Do you think it's weird how you have a girlfriend who likes to get high?"

— Let's be honest, he's probably used to being around high people because of Geto and Shoko (you can't tell me they don't stone occasionally)

— Satoru overall perception is that you're cute when you're high, because you never talk this much about your feelings with him, especially your feelings for him

— For when you're hyperactive, he probably gonna have a lot of fun, hearing you bubbling and trying to get 194829 things done but not doing shit right. Trust, it's documented in his camera roll.

— If you're rather chill and relaxed he totally enjoys cuddling with you and just watching you looking in the distance or taking 3 minutes to finish one thought. He is totally curious about what you think but wouldn't push it. (especially if you get high to destress from something)

— At the occasion of you having a bad trip he's totally there for you and those are the times he especially doesn't condone you consuming things, when they make you feel like this. But also in general if you would ask him, he would probably be anti-substances for you. Satoru understands the double blade of it, but as for something like mariXXnna, he would rather tease you out of it than having a real intervention. (No confrontation babe)

— He also wouldn't 'initiate' anything sexual or even go for it when you're beyond normal comprehension

— He loves hearing you talk about the most nonsense things. You wanna explain him your personal playlist? Why you sorted those songs that way? What each song personally means to you, which is just crazy specific. He is all ears.

— Your personal sandwich maker for your cravings, doing insane combos to impress you and asking for your opinion, being absolutely honored when you praise him like he created one of the seven world wonders (it's just a sandwich but he knows you eat everything up in that state)

— Now that I think about it, Satoru is probably the most quiet when you're high and babbling because he feels like he can hear you without any barriers of shame, that could stop you from expressing your true thoughts (and he will use anything you told him later to tease you and then he won't shut up, trust)

"- like isn't it useless, am i not crazy for taking it and you're judging me like what if you find me weird and you're normal and i'm weird and you see me as usless and stop loving me-" he finds it cute how you're so worried about all of that when he couldn't care less unless it's harming you in any way.

— (I have no idea if it's just me) but when you tend to be overly insecure about your feelings/expressing your anxious feelings, he will not stop reassuring you. Especially when you ask him 18 times if he knows you love him and that your love is sincere etc.He does take your insecurities as a validation of your love for him though.

"Oh my god, do i act like a drunk person? So i may sound like that. WTF i'm so insecure I have to stop. I'm sorry. I love you. Now I'm being quiet. You won't hear me talking. Omg am I more serious when I'm not high. Am I a drunk person?"

— His personal fave moments are when you start to explain for 15 minutes how much you love him and you start to go in so much detail that it's getting ridiculous. He would while all of that hug you from behind and look at you with the most soft look in his face just nodding and chuckling because you make it for real sound ridiculously.

no reposts on other platforms

[mizuki-foreshadowing]

What's On Your Mind - Exciting Picnic, Episodes 1 & 2

Initially, I wanted pronoun-use and honorifics with and without added distance from the referent to be an honorable mention on the main post I would make for the beginning of What's On Your Mind - Exciting Picnic, but I wrote so much it ought to be its own post. In short, I still think I can hold on to my theory that pronoun-use for Mizuki between 'they' and 'she' is based on whether the person knows Mizuki's secret, despite Ena not knowing it and using 'they' for her here.

Ena knows Mizuki is hiding her pain but can't break through the wall she puts up between them. Ena's friend Airi invites her shopping with Shizuku and Ena ends up confiding in the two without planning to. Ena takes Shizuku's advice and invites Mizuki on a picnic with the three of them, which isn't difficult, as Mizuki was already a fan of the idols. The way Mizuki is talked about and talked to is the focus of this post.

Important context is that Ena did not intend to talk about her Mizuki-troubles, and even when prompted, didn't want to explain the complicated and depressing situation, about a person neither Airi nor Shizuku have any context for. It was only at Shizuku's earnest prompting that got Ena to open up about it.

Singular 'they' for a known, cisgender (as far as Ena, Airi, or Shizuku know) referent in English, is uncontroversial if you're speaking indirectly about them or if you want to deephasize less-relevant details. (i.e. "And another customer, they talked to me like I was a little kid!" I know the gender of the customer but it isn't relevant to the listener for my venting.)

It might not look natural for Ena to use 'they' for Mizuki here because they're close. However, for someone who doesn't know Mizuki and wants to preserve a certain distance from a situation they don't fully understand yet, like Shizuku, it feels perfectly natural.

Like Shizuku, Ena is also talking about Mizuki with a degree of distance. She didn't want to get Airi and Shizuku involved and didn't plan to, after all. It's an overly complicated situation Ena has to shortcut explaining to not disappoint Shizuku insisting on hearing out her troubles. That is, they/them doesn't register as awkward to me here.

In Stage SEKAI speaking privately, Shizuku and Airi each use 'Akiyama-san' for Mizuki, the address with the most distance applied to the referent, and even greeting (an ecstatic) Mizuki in person, Shizuku uses 'Akiyama-san'. This helps to support the reading that Ena was presenting Mizuki indirectly as almost a hypothetical referent and the conversation kept her at that distance, where they/them is still appropriate.

As idols, Airi and Shizuku want even the people they've just met to feel welcome, and Airi skips the formalities and asks Mizuki if she may call her 'Mizuki'. Before Mizuki can accept or refuse, Shizuku invites Mizuki to call them by their own first names as well. When she does so, she uses 'Mizuki-chan', which is a familiar address, and reserved for addressing a girl.

As a small detail, Mizuki's response in the Japanese voiceline starts with just a wordless surprised exclamation. Personally, I like to think she is happy to be validated as a girl by a beautiful idol. However, it's ambiguous between her just being that surprised to be invited by a celebrity she admires to call her by her first name, and that's the way Mizuki spins it.

Moreover, when Shizuku and Airi are having a private aside, Shizuku still calls her by 'Mizuki-chan'; Shizuku only just met Mizuki, but her desire to close the distance is genuine. It also acts to show using 'Mizuki-chan' wasn't her saying what Mizuki would want to hear [under some reading of Shizuku knowing Mizuki's secret] but that it reflects how Shizuku thinks of her. The narrative is centered on friendliness versus formality, and on the sincerity Airi and Shizuku make people feel welcome with, rather than attention being on Mizuki's gender.

[hayatheauthor]

How To Write A Disabled Character: The Dos And Don’ts 

As an author, it’s important to ensure the content you create doesn’t accidentally offend or misrepresent a community, especially one you don’t belong to. This is why I made my previous post talking about how to write POC characters without seeming racist, and why I decided to write this blog post on how to write a disabled character. 

Before I jump into my writing tips, I would like to put out a disclaimer. Unlike my previous post, where I could speak from personal experience, I am not disabled and thus am not attempting to be a spokesperson for the community. However, I have previously written several disabled characters and decided to make a guide of sorts for authors like me. 

I would also like to mention that I did some research into acceptable terminology before writing this, using this website and others, however, I am always open to learning and correcting myself if and when I do make a mistake. 

Don’t Make Their Disability Their Personality 

This is possibly one of the most important things to keep in mind when writing with a disabled character. This is an issue when writing about any minority, really, but it is especially true for this community. A person’s disability doesn’t define them or their personality, and the whole introverted disabled person trope gets a little tiring. 

It’s sort of like how every gay man isn’t overly feminine. Yes, there are disabled people who can be sad and quiet and introverted, just like there are others who are loud and obnoxious and extroverted. 

When writing a disabled character, you need to incorporate their disability into their personality rather than making it their personality. A fun-loving protagonist with a hearing aid might slap fun stickers onto it, showcasing their personality. Maybe a person in a wheelchair loves to paint it a new colour every other month. 

These are just examples of ways you could introduce your character with their personality rather than their disability. She saw a peak of pink behind the protagonist’s ears, he watched as a neon green wheelchair sped towards him with a whooping boy seated on it. 

When creating your OC forms, take the time to actually consider how their personality impacts their relationships with their disability and how that impacts their relations with others. 

Know What You’re Writing About 

Do your research! I sincerely cannot stress how important it is for a writer, or any sort of creator, to take the time to research the medical conditions their characters are going through. The same writers who pour over several articles to figure out how much blood would their character realistically lose by a stab wound are often the ones who choose to overlook the complexities and finer details when it comes to a disabled character. 

The issue with this is the spread of misinformation it can cause amongst your readers. This especially applies to factors such as sign language, brail, etc. Think of it this way, if you are bothered enough to use Google translate for dialogues written in a language you don’t speak, then why can’t you do the same for unspoken languages? 

Whether your character has an intellectual, physical, sensory, or other disability, it’s important to take the time to thoroughly research the issues you are portraying. 

Here are some things to consider when writing a disabled character: 

Are there any side effects caused by this disability? If yes, how does this impact them on a daily basis? 

Is the disability curable or reversible? Do other people have access to solutions your character cannot afford? 

Does their disability, develop, change, etc. over time? 

Show Don’t Tell 

Rather than simply telling us about their disabilities, it’s important for you to them show your readers. I previously mentioned how you can do this by incorporating their personalities into your writing, but that is only one aspect writers should consider. 

It’s also important to treat your character as you would treat any other character. Many authors often write long winding descriptions of the things their character can see, hear, or feel. It’s important to do the same when writing with a disabled character as well. Especially if they have a sensory disability! 

Maybe your character can’t see but their lips curl up into a smile when they hear a soft swish of fabric by their side, because they know it means their sister bought that dress she was talking about. 

Recognising a character’s limitations also gives you an idea of how your character would experience the world and allows you to accurately translate that to your readers. 

Flesh Out Their Relationships 

Finally, it’s very important for writers to break away from the cliches when writing about disabled characters. It gets tiring reading about a disabled character who is pitied by everyone around them until someone special comes along and sees them for themselves. It is also important to recognise that a disabled character doesn’t necessarily have to only befriend other disabled characters. 

Your disabled characters can have friends, rivals, love interests, mentors, etc. without these relationships tying into their disability. Don’t restrict your character’s experiences simply because of their disability! A great example of a well-written disabled character would be Isaac played by George Robinson. 

Final Words

Writing about a community you don’t come from can be scary because you need to consider whether or not you’re accidentally offending or misrepresenting someone. This is why writers often stick to the communities they come from, which directly impacts the amount of representation for marginalised communities. 

However, I feel that the right amount of research and a willingness to learn is all you really need to be able to write about a community you don’t come from.

I hope this blog on how to write a disabled character: the dos and don’ts will help you in your writing journey. Be sure to comment any tips of your own to help your fellow authors prosper, and follow my blog for new blog updates every Monday and Thursday.  

Looking For More Writing Tips And Tricks? 

Are you an author looking for writing tips and tricks to better your manuscript? Or do you want to learn about how to get a literary agent, get published and properly market your book? Consider checking out the rest of Haya’s book blog where I post writing and marketing tools for authors every Monday and Thursday. 

Want to learn more about me and my writing journey? Visit my social media pages under the handle @hayatheauthor where I post content about my WIP The Traitor’s Throne and life as a teenage author. 

[sgiandubh]

Well hello one more time tonight it is Caitriona Anon again. I love when you get fired up. But 1) I'm not an Anti, I'm a shipper I just happen to be one who's disillusioned with Caitriona who I now find cold. I've been here since Sam was cast, I no longer have a blog because I'm trying to wean myself off of this and it's easier for me this way. I do believe they are together despite whatever irritation I might have with either of them at any given time. 2) I'm not Russian or German, I'm an American and I guess my grammar failed me tonight, apologies. 3) I didn't understand and I wanted to ask questions which I thought was the point of having an ask box and a comment section so that people can get to the heart of what you are saying. Despite you not caring if you are understood, after this post, I do. 4) I was sincere in my questions and appreciate your answers no matter how fiery they are.

Dear (persistent) Caitriona Anon,

You managed to bring a smile, after all, remembering my (shipper) mom's exasperation: 'stop doing your American lawyer schtick, we're eating, for the love of God!", every single time I get fired up, as you say. Yes, same shipper mom who is a C-mainly ('so beautiful! so elegant!') and who told me ' I will not comment on that boy, he is blonde' (it's true, the women of my clan are persistently attracted like flies by dark strangers).

Speaking of C also made me remember a lazy August afternoon, on the Nong Khai-Bangkok sleeper train. I was trying to read something about Virginia Woolf's Bloomsbury gang (a filthy paperback I had poached at the Khao San Road bookstore, between the 7-Eleven and the smiling Burmese tailors who made me a couple of wonderful tussah outfits). At the other end of the open dining car, an old American Hippie guy was explaining to a bunch of bewildered Australian flashpackers how that same Khao San Road changed and became 'such a nonsense' since the glorified days of the Banana Pancake Trail. That included the somewhat lewd recollection of his paramour, a fierce Valkyrie, the story ending with ' ah, she was beautiful. Beautiful and gone.'

So is C. Beautiful and gone. She came, she conquered, she left. But what is good to bewilder Australian flashpackers on a balmy Siamese summer night is crappy nonsense when and if you consider a life and a career after OL. So yes, even if I have trouble believing your story, I could reasonably understand why you are disappointed or angry or (you name it) with S, C, S&C.

I am not, because I set my bar very low on design. I have no moral right to ask anything of These Two. I have no intention to pressure two overly stressed individuals who still must figure out what the hell happened to them (yes, after all these years), just to satisfy my ego or be avenged. I am taking it as it is, one tango step and one day at a time. I know what I know and that is enough, because what I know I found out or figured up by myself: the rest is confirmation, solidarity and a beautiful story of collective friendship.

Wean yourself off? Wow, the ambition. This is worse than tobacco! And you still have a sock account just to lurk? Make no mistake, you didn't go anywhere, if you told me the truth. And neither did Moo, or CRT and their respective beggar's courts: they are still here, like dragonflies in amber, and despite all their loud, vile, venomous protestations. It's next to impossible to leave, when the sideshow is more enticing than Season 4.

You are always welcome to ask questions and I will always answer. But I think that you might want to consider this POV, too: how about finding yourself propelled in a world where people literally scream every single time you walk into a room? how about trying to have a life when you sometimes feel that hundreds of prying eyes are lurking near your bed? how about finding balance when every single word you ever uttered is analyzed to oblivion on blogs or is turned into a gif which spins lackadaisically in cyberspace? how about living with a sword above your head, called Non Disclosure Agreement? how about finding yourself insulted by nobodies with a keyboard? what would YOU do?

So what if they don't want to be seen, heard, mentioned, in a giant FUCK YOU ALL, shippers and antis and fencers and God knows who else?

Do I think this is the best way they could have managed it? Absolutely not. But my position is comfortable: the love of my life is not regularly considered an illiterate snake oil seller for a geriatric bunch of groupies. I am not that guy Richard Madden ostensibly humiliated in public, when he was bartending in London, and who, suddenly, is aware he became a global fantasy.

Would he lie for her sake, for their sake? I believe he would, and more. Would she accept the unthinkable? The woman who answered the 'what was the most foolish thing you ever did' by 'I got married' totally would.

Enough said. Let's say good bye, for the moment, with a nice pic from a calmer world, where the gong of the nearby wat wakes you up at 6 AM. And then you go and have the best coffee in town at The Scandinavian Bakery, round the corner:

[wolfgirlwithahalo]

“Hi! I’m Maddy! Nice to meet you! Please, come on in!” *I smile brightly and my tail wags softly behind me*

Hi! I’m Maddy! I’m a wolf-girl! This side blog is my safe space for comfy and cozy and cuddly and cute things alike! Everything all about me, you can find right here! I’m suuuuper duper emotionally sensitive, so please be considerate and nice when interacting on this page! Thank you! Oh! And this intro post will probably be updated regularly, as I love to think up of more things to share about myself with everyone, and make my bio more pretty, too! Make it more…well, me themed!

Below the cut, is all about me!

Anywhos it whatsit, here’s some things about me!

Hmmmm, let’s see…well, I’m 20 years old, my birthday is on May 25th, I’m a female, my pronouns are she/her, I’m 5’6, I’m a Gemini, I’m straight, and currently mateless. My persona is a wolf-girl / animal-girl hybrid because it makes me feel comfortable in my own skin and happy! It’s how I express myself, so please be open and understanding of that!

And no, this persona is not apart of the therian/otherkin, agere/petre, or did system communities, though it does represent a more animalistic and childlike side of me, and all mentioned communities are welcome here ( as this blog will probably only be sfw ) as long as you follow my dni!

Here’s my personality and general appearance!

Appearance: Short, tiny, hourglass body. Long, wavy brunette hair. Lavender doe eyes. Long eyelashes. Fair, flawless, pale skin. Sharp teeth/claws. White wolf ears & tail. Short pretty flowy lavender dress!

Personality: Innocent, pure, sensitive, fragile, delicate, weak, vulnerable, kid-gloved, easily hurt and scared and overwhelmed, timid, shy, skittish, timorous, introverted yet extroverted, oversensitive, soft, touchy, emotional, moody, overly emotional, impressionable, dependent, reliant, pack-oriented, family-oriented, clingy, needy, bratty, pouty, naive, childish, childlike, cry/whiny baby, ingénue, sinless, virtuous, giddy, giggly, ingenious, genuine, honest, sincere, loyal, devoted, committed, caring, loving, sweet, gentle, naturally affectionate, compassionate, considerate, thoughtful, passionate, kindhearted, trustworthy, trusting, blissfully ignorant/unaware, essentially dumber than a virgin, and I has separation/social anxiety and have occasional attachments!

My hobbies, likes, dislikes/hates, favorites, & fears!

Hobbies: Drawing, sleeping, listening to music, playing video games, cuddling, watching movies and YouTube, playing, napping, collecting figures and plushies, laying in bed with my plushies, buying more plushies, snuggling, and taking baths!

Likes: Animals!, pet/nicknames, being called by name, father/big brother figures, other wolf/fox/dog boys! :0, protectors, big strong nice males, gentlemen, love and affection, cuddles and snuggles, hugs and kisses, nuzzles and closeness, touch and attention, ear and back rubs, being pet, my tail, my hair and tail being pet and brushed, baths, naps, games, gentleness, sweetness, innocence, wholesomeness, playtime, nap time, praise, cleanliness, being asked for consent or permission to touch and pet, especially my fur!

Dislikes/Hates: Animal abuse! >:0, being teased, females, meanies, bullies, mean males, roughness, pain, smokers, hunters and the like, dirt and crumbs in my fur, not being asked for consent or permission before touching, especially my fur!, and males who only talk to me because they’re feeling naughty! T^T

Favorites:

Color: Lavender/Lilac purple! 🪻💜

Animal: Wolves, or canines in general! 🐺🦊

Food/Snacks: Cucumbers, potatoes, smoothies, and anything and everything sweets! 🥒🥔🥤🍪

Time of Day/Weather: At night, or when it’s gray and raining/thundering! 🌑⛈️

Season: Fall or winter! 🍁❄️

Flower: Lavender, lilacs, roses and peonies!🪻🌸🌹🌺

Fears: Fireworks, bugs, especially cockroaches and spiders!, ghosts, and overly dominant males

And here’s some more things & medias that I’m into!

Anime: Attack on Titan, Black Butler, Demon Slayer, Haikyuu!, Jujutsu Kaisen, Komi Can’t Communicate, My Hero Academia, Spy X Family, Tokyo Ghoul, Tokyo Revengers

Video Games: Animal Crossing, Disney Dreamlight Valley, Kirby, Genshin Impact, Honkai Starrail, Zenless Zone Zero, Wuthering Waves, Spyro, Super Mario Bros.

Movies: How to Train Your Dragon, Howl’s Moving Castle, Luca, My Neighbor Totoro, Ponyo, Raya and the Last Dragon, Super Mario Bros., Tangled, Turning Red

“Where’s Mr. Ratio…? I miss him…can we go find him?” *My fluffy ears and tail droop low and I whimper sadly*

I’m also a vegan for the animals! So talk about animal abuse / cruelty with me will not be appreciated in the slightest! And if you are, or support or are neutral about the following things, please do not interact, and leave me in peace without any comments or confrontation, or even if you’re just curious about it!

DNI: Hunters/hunting, trappers/trapping, smokers/smoking, vapers/vaping, juulers/juuling, four-twenty/weed/marijuana/drug related, fishers/fishing, animal farmers/farming, taxidermists/taxidermy, vulture culture/enthusiasts, “oddity” manufacturers/collectors, animal part ( fur, skin, pelts, bones, skeletons, claws, teeth, feet, hooves, antlers, horns, jackets, coats, boots, leather, clothing, jewelry, accessories, decorations, insects, roadkill ) selling/buying/collecting, z••iles, pro-/self-shippers, etc. etc.

You will be blocked immediately if you violate my DNI

( Will not be answering asks/questions about any dni topics on this blog, this is for my safe topics only! Makes my heart beat and hurt like crazy…too stressful, too scary…If you absolutely must, please go to my main blog to ask about any unsafe stuff: @grimmwolf )

Tags because I want to find people to follow!

[yumeka-sxf]

A chronological analysis on Twilight and Yor - Part 11

*This is part of an ongoing post series. If you missed the Introduction/Part 1, click here*

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When the "doggy crisis" is finally resolved and the Forgers are reunited, Twilight rightfully chews Anya out for running off by herself. But he then softens and asks if she's hurt, and when she tells him that Bond protected her, he makes sure to give the dog a sincere thank you for saving his daughter. As I said before, anyone who shows respect to animals gets character points to me, especially someone like Twilight whose line of work makes him distrustful of everyone and everything. It's not like he had any reason to gain Bond's favor at that moment – he genuinely felt gratitude for the dog and wanted to express it.

And of course, in classic Spy x Family fashion, Twilight's fib about being stuck in the bathroom the whole time causes the overly self-conscious Yor to assume it's from the awful breakfast she made (something that will have repercussions later).

When they go on their first outing with Bond at the park, Twilight muses to himself about life post-Operation Strix, something he hadn't done since he first adopted Anya. Compared to back then when he flatly stated that he'll send Anya back to the orphanage when it's all over, this time he says that the agency will do what they can for Anya and Yor even though he won't see them again.

It's obvious that Yor is attached to Anya, so he knows she would have no reason to abandon her even if he left the family. The terrorist crisis that had just occurred made him remember that his ultimate goal of ending the cold war is top priority. He reinforces his utilitarian view that this is what's most important for everyone's future even if it means sacrificing some happiness along the way…like Anya's, Yor's, and, though he won't admit it, his own.

Twilight does seem to feel regret about this as he recalls that he just told Anya that she has a responsibility to care for the newly adopted Bond for the rest of his life, yet he won't be doing the same for the child he adopted.

As for why he says he would never be able to see Anya and Yor again, in his mind, maintaining a relationship that's unnecessary for his work would just be a hindrance. I also think that he wouldn't want to put them in danger by having any association with him – they had just gotten dragged into the terrorist mission he was trying to take care of after all. I imagine he plans to do something like fake the death/disappearance of Loid Forger, or maybe say/do things to Anya and Yor that would make them hate him so he could easily break ties with them (hopefully that's not the case as that would be too heartbreaking! Of course, he wouldn't be able to fool Anya…but I digress). Either scenario would result in him not being able to see them again, at least not as the Loid Forger they've come to know.

Twilight reminds himself of this again soon after when he tries to help Franky woo the girl he has a crush on (which ends in failure). When they're drinking together at the bar, he tells Franky that people like them can't afford to have feelings for others as it would only end badly.

At this point in the series, we know that Twilight has at least some feelings for Yor and Anya (which will be pointed out by Nightfall soon) so perhaps he's saying this also as a reprimand to himself as well as a reminder to Franky? But Franky tends to be a "pot calling the kettle black," since he's the one who told Twilight back when they were pretending to be SSS agents to keep his emotions out of his daily life, yet Franky tries to pursue relationships with women left and right, without any emotional restraint (and will continue to do so even after he and Twilight have this conversation). And then there's Nightfall who, despite her constant poker face, does nothing but imagine lovey-dovey scenarios with herself and Twilight. Seems that, as much as spy people preach about keeping emotions out of the picture, emotions seep through even harder than normal. But while Franky and Nightfall don't lie to themselves about these feelings, Twilight does…will that make it all the more torturous for him when he can lie no longer?

Continue to Part 12 ->

<- Return to Part 10

[apocalypsecraftstudios]

NOTIFICATION: ACTIVITY UPDATE! (For friends and followers!)

NOTE: this is a update blog about my current activity status so please, hope you don't take anything personal and you can understand me as well. I try to do everything under my reachment underneath my own time availability. Thanks!

- First of all, I'm very sorry for my unusual inactivity on here. I have been kind of inactive on Instagram, DeviantArt, X and Discord. Why? Because of external factors that don't let me continue with the activity I was used to on these social media applications. I won't lie either: I have been dealing with a lot of shit in real life and within my sentimental universe fighting art block, depression, low self-esteem issues, self-harm temptations and anxiety caused by certain personal stuff I don't think it would be adequate to mention on here.

I also am currently dealing with breathing system infections and a strong cold that doesn't gets away from my body yet. I haven't visited any doctor yet. I'm just letting my body fight for itself and take down all the infections in my poor breathing system. I wanna heal but it's taking longer than it should and that truly worries me but refuse to seek for professional help. I'm taking vitamin C pills to strengthen my immune system and help it fight the infections.

Also the fact I have been on current projects about Minecraft, Portal and Nimona doesn't mean I did forget about them. No, I totally haven't. I'm just taking a long break under my own time availability to heal and feel better. Also art block and the strong feeling that someone is about to steal/copy my ideas takes my motivation away from me and leaving me unable to get myself secure and confident about my own imaginative world. And no, I'm not talking about my friends or followers. Just saying that I have that feeling when I'm about to develop a unique a creative original idea for a story, comic or crossover. You know, I'm overly protective and jealous of my own imaginative universe and that's why I care too much about my work being properly done, protected and well-developed. I can't tolerate anyone coming up with a coincidence about certain ideas that are already mine.

Omg, I am being quite sincere today lol. But yeah, don't take this personal. Just hope you understand.

Good news: I recently joined the Godzilla Fandom so expect some epic crossovers between these Fandoms I'm already in. I can't wait to show some unique concepts! :'D

- Be overly patient and tuned when I come back. I will try to post something to not show my account kind of dead. I really hope to get better and get my motivation back and fight that feeling that torments me. Here, Apocalypse out! ⭐

[clarenecessities]

so, hey. I haven't updated you guys on the situation with Scott and Ethan in a while. it's been a very eventful 10 days.

You can see Ethan's updates here but I will be offering my own biased perspective and summary.

i'm sure my mother would want me to clarify that i did not advise anybody legally, nor did i tell anyone to bring a lawsuit, but. i did lay out my understanding of the law as it pertains to Ethan's case & tell anyone who would listen that i would have sued months ago

and uh as i provided ample sources and a laconic summary of the fair use doctrine and alternatives to federal court, i may have contributed to Ethan's decision to file with the CCB :3 which is (to be overly brief) like small claims court for copyright infringement specifically.

nobody has said so explicitly, so i do have some plausible deniability. but if by some grave miscarriage of justice Ethan were to lose a single one of these claims y'all Know I'd do my damnedest to recoup the man's losses anyway so i feel very comfortable in saying SPITE WORKS!!! THAT'S THE POWER OF SPITE-FUELED RESEARCH BABEY! THIS IS A WIN FOR CLARE!!

even the very worst case scenario for Ethan is a win anyway; the CCB's awards are capped at 30k, but since he's a much, much kinder person than I am he elected to pursue their "smaller claims" options, which further caps it at only 5k.

and let me tell you. the statutory damages alone would cost Scott upwards of $180,000 in federal court (not even counting the libel), so if he doesn't take this case (participation in a CCB case is voluntary for both parties) he is a fucking idiot. But I guess we kind of knew that already.

Let's see. So, Ethan started getting his copyrights registered last weekend (another benefit of the CCB; registrations can be filed concurrent to submitting your claims, though I don't think I told Ethan that) like right after my last post on the matter here. He submitted proof of his intent to bring legal action to YouTube, who can't actually apply strikes until a decision is reached, though those videos are sort of in purgatory.

Meanwhile, that allowed Scott to begin posting content again. He immediately abused that power. On the 23rd, Scott posted a fourth (4th!) defamatory video, whose thumbnail looked like this:

That action figure is his childhood OC, which he put into the MOTUC line. In addition to his literal, actual face. But don't worry, not his name! That was a DC Classics exclusive 🙃

For those of you that are unfamiliar: That's the license plate from Better Call Saul.

He made a bunch of really, painfully wrong assertions that I tried to write up again just now and bro I can't. It is fucking Cringe. I can't. He did claim he had a lawyer, which as I told him following the second defamatory Community Note, is grounds for him to fire that fucking lawyer.

Ethan did a second interview with Dad-At-Arms basically updating people on the situation, letting everyone know he was going to take things to court. That went up the 24th.

On the 25th, Scott posted another Community Note, this time doing a little victory lap, concluding, "So much content coming to ya! It is great to be on the air again!" and resuming his regularly scheduled posting for the remained of the week.

Then along came Monday.

Every single one of Scott's videos was privated, including the advertisements for his consulting firm and stupid bullshit AI comic.

Well--come to find out, he emailed Ethan right around when everything went dark saying he was "truly" and "sincerely" sorry for everything, and "never meant to create a fight" between them and that it was "never intentional".

"To make things right I am going to halt any videos and take down what I have. I hope this will make it right and restore your site to its full capacity."

Which like, alright, I try to be a little more level-headed in spaces these creeps might see, since they're already fucking wilding about every other aspect of my identity and personality. But the fucking BALLS on this guy!! The fucking audacity!!!!! MONTHS of claiming he was being BLACKMAILED and HARASSED, giving Ethan's identity to one of the biggest pieces of shit I've ever seen in the fandom (and that is saying something) and then his thousands of subscribers?? Telling those people really really obviously fake bullshit to make himself seem like the super reasonable victim and not the perpetrator of--ballpark, 'cause I don't know who may have granted him permission--five to ten thousand copyright infringements?

And "to make things right"!!!!! Right for whom, Scott!!!

I've been assuming he finally talked to a lawyer, because even with receiving notice of Ethan's intent to take him to court, I just don't believe we'd see this complete a 180 in him without the advice of counsel. Whom I do not envy right now, he's shot himself in the foot at every fucking opportunity. I doubt they told him to private everything, since a jury at least might construe that as hiding evidence (there are no juries CCB proceedings) but he's a big fucking idiot. Of course he'd panic and try to hide everything.

Case in point, this morning he unprivated everything. And then just unlisted it. Presumably because he realized he'd broken his embeds across every website out there, including his own (not that that ever got him to fix his LinkedIn button...). He did delete all of the Community Notes about Ethan though, just for good measure :) Still absolutely no public word from him since last week.

I have receipts on all the libel saved in multiple locations, but I do appreciate him un-privating some of his videos for me. Gonna make documenting those much easier 😏

i had a second post up on the forums but it's being weird about copy/pasting into tumblr, I'll see about that tomorrow ig. And I'm working on a third summarizing my case law research. HUGE win for me today in that the finding which most directly contradicted my arguments was actually reverse on appeal in 2022 so I'm sitting real pretty, citation-wise. Very smug, very petty. Feeling absolutely great.