#outsider is full of secrets :)
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thinking about all those years ivan spent learning about boundaries and how to maintain healthy relationships but then throwing that away (and, subsequently, his relationship with till) during round 6 by initiating that kiss
comic translations by @/whatafruit on twitter x (except for the last two, those are mine)
#my ramblings#ivan is an incredibly dedicated person#his schedule is noted by the hour and his image is portrayed as a respectful pet human who is intelligent and charming#he never asked for anything. he never acted out. he learned how to smile by practicing with his reflection in the water#he painstakingly crafted this image of himself outside of anakt garden and managed to elevate himself as a business partner of sorts#but while he was in anakt garden he was… imperfect#he constantly bugged till as a way to gain his attention and he annoyed the hell out of sua in an attempt to relate to her#then he learned about boundaries and restraint. he began to hide his affection under side glances and gentle touches#he took off till’s collar and wiped away his tears. but only in secret. only when no one was watching#but he never breached till’s boundaries until round 6. the kiss was as good as waving a white flag.#it signified the death of their relationship as ivan finally released his sculpted image#he essentially chooses to kill their relationship all on his own before his death#sorry. my ivan brainrot is back in full force after he showed up in r7 for like 30 seconds#alien stage#alnst ivan#ivantill
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teeheehee goodtimewithscar in a silly little outfit (vaguely inspired by @aresonist and i decided i would credit them. so i will. tag be upon ye)
#digital art#art#art 2023#fanart#mcyt fanart#hermitcraft#secret life#its both of those :) cause i say so#picture mine once again#taken outside sedona! sedona is very nice#i had good tortilla. not a good as my friends momss but pretty good#i feel like my mouth is full of chicken bones
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So. That secret keeper guy looks pretty cool huh?
#I’m BACK babes!#had art block for a bit but found out a very cool very secret trick !!#I’ve just been procrastinating on my art by writing on ao3 lmao#but this new smp got me EXCITED and I will definitely be posting more fanart#and I really like how people have been drawing the secret keeper so thought I’d try#even though full drawings without people are kinda outside my comfort zone#I’m pretty happy with how it came out though!#trafficblr#secret life#secret life smp#trafficlife#trafficlife fanart#secret life fanart#digital art#artists on tumblr
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My great-uncle runs grocery stores and he told me about having to close down the one by the university because the students never bought fresh perishable foods there and (though I haven't been a college student these 6 years) I still am very proud of myself whenever my grocery list is just perishables
#today i got kale arugula smoked salmon apple lemon green beans and coconut milk#to be supplemented by chicken pot pie (homemade w homemade broth and chicken fat to make the roux) and butternut squash soup#and chia seed pudding and eggs to feed me for the week#am i like. a healthy eater?? i know i am but the amount of greens i actually want to eat rn is shocking#also hello i'm barely clinging to life and health in the aftermath of 2 trips in 2 weeks but i AM clinging#i am fed i worked out outside i am showing up at work and getting it done#i still have an entire conference paper to write in the next 8 days#and i need to get my car repaired#AND apply for a job (many things have changed in me so fast job-wise#but i can't really post about it til i journal about it but that won't happen for days)#my soul is so full though i got so much physical touch and saw beloved friends and their children#4 parently professors 10 dear friends and 3 children IT WAS THE BEST#and then today i had dinner with my friends here and goofed with the twins so :) all's well :)#i just am on a tight deadline to get my body and life stabilized before next weekend i take another road trip and pms#love you all i hold you dearly i intend to send forth mail. once i'm sane at home again. which may not happen til december#oh! and my copy of deep secret by diana wynne jones came in the mail while i was gone#and! i got to the colorwork part of my sweater and it looks AWESOME
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honestly shocking that people complain about romcom bls when we've literally still never had a classic mutual pining friends to lovers situation with the leads
#i know enchante came very close but theo's side was obviously very subtle due to The Secret#and i need like a full on we see them both pining but being idiots and not confessing i need it all out in the open#and this kind of show needs strong friendships outside of the friendship between the leads#so they could talk about their pining to their friend(s) kind of msp tinn style#archer speaks
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I'm not a new follower and I've been here long enough but i do have a relatively bad memory
So I've wanted to ask, what's your opinion on "Dishonored: death of the outsider"?
Right now I'm replaying Dishonored games not in the release order, i already finished DH2 and started Daud dlcs. Maybe I'll go for vanilla DH later
But thoughts about going through death of the outsider again makes me feel something that i can't explain... 😬
It has some interesting ideas but antagonists are underused. Locations repeat a lot. And Billie herself deserved SO much better than whatever is going on with her character
I'm genuinely debating if i should revisit *this* one or pretend that DH2 is the last game. I know that some people love DOTO but i can't find strength in me
love to chat about death of the outsider, ty for the ask!
i feel your pain. it's the one game i struggle to revisit. but! i was thinking about your points and how DotO has the feel of budget cuts.
it's been about a year since my last DotO post - so, essay time -
a measured response to common DotO criticisms
(the thousand bugs of dishonored 2 I had borne as I best could, but when doto ventured upon sidelining billie and retconning daud's arc I vowed revenge*
*can't resist a cask of amontillado joke
criticism is easy and creation is hard, so, if this isn't the type of response you wanted, you can read my other DotO posts:
how i'd write death of the outsider
that post i did after trying to play doto a third time and couldn't make it past the opening scene (you might like my tags on this re: your comment "makes me feel something i can't explain")
billie lurk as a nonprotagonist & misogynoir (more on this below...)
gonna leapfrog off your comments cause I agree!
antagonists are underused/locations repeat a lot.
who is steering the boat?
let's start up at the top; everything stems from there.
DotO was caught up in ownership/transition issues. here's an article about harvey smith and raphael colantanio at that time. if you didnt know, colantonio is the main founder of arkane (semi-related but just for fun look his appearance up then go through arkane's protags and tell me what you notice...).
quote from harvey smith re: DotO -
“Then, just as I move back, [Colantonio is] announcing that he’s leaving. Going forward, I’ll focus more and more on the Austin studio and what we’re going to do there. Death of the Outsider is my wrapping up with the guys in Lyon – the first half of that we planned together while I was living there, but the second half was worked on while I was living in Austin. I’ve been communicating with them through video conferences and stuff, so they carry a lot of the load of the second half of it.”
so the founder jumped ship and the co-creative director has to step away from his usual position (over to sinking ship Austin). meanwhile, DotO is still in development. i'm a big believer in people making art, and not companies (even in this article Smith acknowledges much of their "secret sauce" can be traceable to specific devs but i digress)
$$$ kaching - some speculation
on the note of founders - past this point in arkane's history (ie. the main founder stepping back), arkane would have been being primed for sale. this translates to high scrutiny on project expenditure (such as hiring cheaper early career staff, hiring less workers, denying your best staff raises causing them to leave and hiring cheaper workers in their place, etc) to make the company's EBITDA look more appealing to buyers (briefly, its the piece of paper that proves you're profitable). based on speculative timelines, from a purely $ perspective within the first year of dh2 being released is when you'd be looking to slim down your capitalised expenditure (aka: cutting staff while the revenue is at a peak to make number go brr and make your company look like a better investment) because to maximise the profit of a company's sale, you really have a great track record for a few years.
this is purely speculation based on timelines. companies are very careful to hide when they're doing this, ideally they want ~3 years of a great track record (and staff that will keep working their hardest).
big goals and no money
DotO was meant to be a two-part DLC like the Dh1 DLCs, so shout out to what could have been made if their original pitch had worked.
On locations & antagonists & budget - this dev's site discusses the Conservatory level in game AND specifies it was budget constraints being the reason for cutting off traversable area from that mission. Great link for comparing the original level & the DotO version, especially re: your point about reused assets/levels.
We could pick other examples here but this post is already long so -
Billie herself deserved SO much better than whatever is going on with her character
i would forgive this game anything if there was any good billie storywriting.
:')
its never just the writers
after revisiting articles to fact-check for this essay, i've seen a lot of articles blaming writers by name (you didn't do this anon which i love <3)
games are made by teams, and decision making is generally done top-down, so blaming individual contributors is shit. 1) writer's pay isn't good enough to cop this kind of abuse. 2) it's rarely in their control - you can write a beautiful scene only to have that level cut due to costs (etc), and then you need to work out how to make the story make sense. ideation & decision-making are separate and i guess 'this idea was [X]'s' should not be mistaken for 'this is the fault of [X]'s.'
on hiring fans (& imm-sim writing strategies)
the new writers [...] already had an idea of the world, as they’d seen it from the outside, as fans. “These are all people that knew this world we had created and they took it as canonical, as the gospel. Whereas, for us, it was bits and pieces we’d made up along the way.”
as someone who used to hire writers, and i promise this isn't in bad faith: don't hire fans unless your priority is cost then, sure, fans are likely to put in overtime (and not be in a position in their career where they can ask for higher remuneration - they'll pay the passion tax to be involved).
writers (esp new career writers) have to be open to receiving feedback assuming healthy/functional processes, and being a fan makes that harder because you care more. and, as a fan, you know what loose ends exist and that's where you'll naturally jump to, even though writers should start with target audience and branding, and build from there. if i expand on this i'll get offtopic so let's keep going!
DotO feels lifeless because it doesn't add anything to the DH universe, it only takes away by closing storylines without the satisfaction of closure. sure, stuff was added - the cult subplot, locations, some NPCs/enemies, etc. but they feel like part of the objectives, not part of the dishonored universe. you can feel the decision-making process when you play: there's a feeling that the priority was to finish the assets required for missions, instead of writing a story that feels immersive.
compared to standard videogame writing, where you can generally get away with "everything you touch and read relates to your objectives as the protagonist", as an imm-sim writer, you need to focus on:
how does this text build the universe so that the player feels like they're only seeing a small part of the world?
of course - this is difficult with budget/time concerns. i've said it before but this is part of why we rarely have games as rich as dishonored 1 & 2, because imm-sim design philosophy flies against the current videogame industry trends of microtransactions & cheap-to-make addictive mobile games. given a tight budget you focus on the high level story, but player immersion is a function of details.
most likely, dh2 was the end of an era. typing that out makes me sad.
what did the devs say about writing billie
*breathes deeply*
the death of the outsider protag was originally pitched as being about a regular human, someone not related to emily and corvo but instead an overseer or a brigmore witch. daud was also pitched.
this could have worked! really cool to have a nobody, or a heretic, or an overseer, be involved with the death of a god. and i've mentioned before that storywise DotO's protag could have been anyone (i think i made a joke about wyman? hah) and wouldn't change the story much, bar some daud bits.
quote from the same article:
eventually Arkane settled on Billie Lurk, Emily's companion from Dishonored 2. [...] Bakaba tells me that because Billie had already received her redemption arc in Dishonored 2, Death Of The Outsider's story could be about something more than that.
welp.
so there's two things here - a redemption arc claim, and DotO's actual story.
in addition to not being the first pick, the view was that billie's story was over. i question the 'redemption arc' claim - sure, billie helps the protag in dh2 but after her confession, if you tell her she's changed, she brushes it off and you part awkwardly without forgiving her... does that count? if a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it does it make a sound? if a character redeems themselves but the story never tells you, are they redeemed?
billie's role in dh2 isn't really that different to the dlcs, where she follows you around being Mr Exposition while withholding a LOT of information that could have actually helped the protag. given DotO's plot, going after the killer who shaped her doesn't scream 'reformed' either. ludonarratively speaking, the lack of chaos implies billie never changed from being a callous killer - which i'm not against, it would have been a cool story.
and! contrast this with daud who already had his redemption arc!
When first conceptualising Death Of The Outsider in around 2014, Smith and Duval knew they wanted two things: Billie Lurk being used to get to The Outsider himself, and closure for Dishonored villain (and later ally) Daud.
in the two DLCs, as we know, he comes to realise his actions sucked, and as the player you actively make things right (related: my post about ludonarrative dissonance in dh2). so if billie had "already received her redemption arc", why was this another daud story?
imo this isn't a budget issue but a misogynoir issue. "we want this story to be not about the protagonist so any random NPC will do, how about we go with billie lurk and get a black woman as a dishonored protag?" this logic, which is what i'm reading of the above two quotes, feels frustratingly tokenistic when she's an established character with a rich background. it's an example of surface level diversity because DotO is not about her by arkane's own admission. it's a similar vibe to the companies who say they have a diverse team but you check their staff page and all the people of colour have 'assistant' in their title and the board is all white, so it's not people of colour who are driving the business. maybe this was entirely by accident but these accidents add up to systematic failure - billie gets her own game but never her own story. it feels like she got assigned the caretaker role for these two guys. great.
for fairness, let's compare to dh2. corvo & emily are relatively hands-off protags in terms of their ongoing thoughts about their surroundings and the lore placement about them specifically is sparse, and this style continues in DotO. the issue is the core narrative: corvo & emily are both the protagonists of their story in the sense that dh2's story reflects their goals ("take back what's yours"), whereas Billie is an established character who has arguably little reason to go along with each mission. worse, the main plotline she's literally forced into going along with. in the opening scene billie gets assaulted and still helps the guy who assaulted her.
fundamentally, DotO's narrative is not about billie but about daud and the outsider, and this article makes clear that was by design.
whats the takeaway
DotO is the weakest entry in the Dishonored series for most people, and blaming budget & a corporate changeover makes me feel... uh well it doesn't really help me tbh but your mileage may vary. it does interest me to think about what we could have had!
for me, my opinion is that if writing billie was a priority (link to my own post where i describe the feeling of playing doto as someone interested in billie) arkane would have made it a priority, even amidst constraints. billie's redemption arc was not resolved imo, and putting her in a game without a chaos system feels like as much a backwards slide for her as daud's plotline to kill the outsider was for his arc.
we absolutely 🤝 on not being in a rush to play the game again.
on the upside. dishonored 2 is a really wonderful game and i love it very much.
#death of the outsider#dishonored#billie lurk#look i dont like to go on even though i think there's a genuine conversation that is almost never had on here#every year there are fewer and fewer fans interested in dh. so i dont want people to feel bad if they like it#you know? its not my priority to be negative. but there's a lot about this game that doesnt sit well.#full disclosure never worked in game dev! but i lead devs and am involved in financials and led writing projects#so my angle is half business. half writing.#im always a bit surprised when people say theyre a fan of a company#the work doesnt happen in a vacuum sure#but people make up that environment#most companies are one leadership change or two bad firings away from releasing crap forevermore#we pretend that's not the case because its hard to sell a business if you cant pretend you have a 'secret sauce'#but realistically that 'sauce' is people (ew) (bad analogy)#its better to see games as art and your relationship to that art as an evolving thing#my relationship to doto is poor and that'll probs always be the case! oh well. other games with billie in!#pres writes essays in tags
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and its here! not the most proud of E!Owens hair but its fiiinnee.
(this was made before hooks death during the kidnapping so pirate owens just kinda bored)
#pirates smp#outsiders smp#rats smp#empires smp#new life smp#owengejuice fanart#owengejuicetv#outsider is full of secrets :)#mto!au
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I think it's interesting how Spamton and Jevil don't have dialogue portraits despite being pretty important characters. I might be looking too far into it, but I kinda wonder if the implication is meant to be that they were never meant to be important characters, they were initially just regular NPCs that stumbled into something they weren't supposed to. This is more noticeable with Spamton, since we see multiple other Addisons that also don't have dialogue portraits, and he was supposedly just like them at first, so it makes sense he wouldn't have a dialogue portrait in that case. This might be why Spamton and Jevil had such negative consequences for whatever happened to them; maybe bad things happen when a background NPC is forced into a role they weren't meant for against their will. They are anomalies, glitches in the program, and glitches tend to cause instability. It only makes sense that this would cause major psychological (and some implied physical) instability to the characters affected by the glitch.
#once again im probably thinking too far into it#the secret bosses are optional so it isn't that unreasonable that they just wouldn't have dialogue portraits.#there are other notable characters in Deltarune that do not have dialogue portraits#however most boss characters do have dialogue portraits iirc. although this is likely a product of them being reoccurring characters#that you speak to often outside of battle.#it's also worth noting the sweet cap'n and cakes don't have full dialogue portraits but rather unique mini ones#which i assume is so they can fit dialogue for all three characters in the dialogue box at once.#i dont think that means anything but it is interesting.#deltarune
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Don't tell anyone about this band 👀
#saw the full orange moon outside and thought of this song for some reason#love this band tho 🥰#spoopy talks#music#song#alternative#alternative metal#secret band#metal#post hardcore#mathcore#will swan#swancore#jon mess#Spotify
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#i want 2 draw trigun so bad rn but i feel SIICK-__- auugh woe is me#tbh i also have this urge like .every other day 2 make a secret side acc no 1 knows ab to publish all the art imlike kind of unhappy w#as a way of getting myself acquainted w it being Seen and not bejng so obsessed w perfectionism#patrick cough 4 10 hrs vid#but idk thats2 much work i think. snnzzz snzz#i do want 2 get faster w art tho.. and like…idk i like when ppl break anatomy#like it always looks so cool from the outside but anytime i do it i feel like its less a decision and more like.no just looks awkHELPP#pummeling my brain i think. need 2 shut up and just draw#elendira#trigun#trigun maximum#making my list rn like hmm.. want 2 get faster at art n share more#want toooooo .. get better w anatomy so i can bend the rules and make it look super cool epic awesome intentional#want tooooo….urmmmmm.< passingout and dying#i think the most is tht i want to draw and share more than like 3 drawinfs a month HELPPP#doesnt help that inwork full time though idk how ppl can do both at the same time its so Demanding .. energy gonee
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the Archie Werehog arc is SO superior for actually doing something beyond a shallow reskin transformation for Sonic, and actually leaning into the whole WEREWOLF thing. I remember reading those issues and losing my mind bc it was literally everything I had ever hoped for ever since I had played Unleashed. bc I mean like. He’s running on all fours he’s going AWOOOOO and he’s got a growling and more aggressive voice and effect (even if he’s not intending it). and ur gonna tell me ‘nah he just Wasn’t Affected by the Dark Gaia energy even though he fucking transformed and got a direct fucking exposure’. not even A LITTLE different??? ur telling me he’s not even a little feral, it doesn’t even have to be NEGATIVE man just let him start barking. Archie version said ‘yuuuuuup he went fucking UNLEASHED for REAL this time’. I mean it started to lean further into the game version where the Werehog just made him look different and not fast anymore and nothing else but those first few issues were fun (also the Wise Old Mystic Man teaching Sonic the art of Honing His Energy or whatever was lame imo. They should have struggled with it longer). If nothing else I feel like in any version Sonic should have been written to be a little more upset and out of his element to have TOTALLY lost his speed, yknow the thing he bases his whole outlook on. I don’t want it need the whole thing to be like that just yknow. sprinkle some inner conflict in there instead of only at the beginning and end
#sonic the werehog#just my thoughts ^^#sonic unleashed was one of my favorite games growing up I used to watch the opening cutscene over and over lmao#the other transformation that’s interesting is Darkspine Sonic from The Secret Rings but SEGA pretends he doesn’t exist#bc he’s full of negative emotions and he’s fucking pissed LMAOO it’s like if Sonic X’s Dark Sonic got an avenue into the games#I just like transformations that force sonic to look at the negative bc he absolutely refuses to in any interp outside of Archie#and even then it still takes quite a bit to get him fully serious
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when i say that forsblad ring picture has law firm vibes this is what i mean
#topical!#and what im about to say is something im not sure will make sense to people outside#but anyways i think the forsblad law firm ads would be at the same levels of this accident clinic ad campaign run down here over the years#so its this white guy whos trying to market to latinos so his ads are in spanish and because hes a gringo at first his ads were kinda#annoying but over the years its just transformed from him just talking to the camera to whole 30 second productions like#riding a horse in full cowboy getup in a movie star saves the girl kind of way and winking at the camera#or playing basketball in the most highschool musical esque set dressing or parachuting out of a fucking plane#over the years its gotten to the point where i go oooo whats mr [insert lastname] got for me here#i actually look forward to the 15 to 30 second absurdity of a productuon like i would die for that old man genuinely#hes a part of my childhood his accent is comforting instead of grating he is dear to me#anyways i just think forsblad attorney ads are just forsy using ekkys movie star face to promote their law firm#and having an excuse to dress ekky up all pretty because god forbid this model of a man actually take advantage of it#and not bring ace attourney into this but-#(gets dragged offstage by multiple secret service agents while they cover my mouth)
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You guys ever wonder if you summoned a demon trying to do love magic in middle school or did they already cleanse the internet of all the truly occult by the time you got to it?
#I'm suddenly remembering... something about white and black candles and burning lavender and a full moon?#I aquired them according to some copy of a page from a spellbook I found on some wiccan website on stumbleupon and printed#it was like a whole little secret operation because I wasn't allowed to do anything#chanted something into a hand mirror a few times and was outside maybe?#MIB has got to get better with these mind wipes
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you know when you get those adverts for like protein shake meal replacement bullshit products and people say shit like ‘im just so busy with work i never have the time for breakfast or lunch or dinner or snacks, so this horrible brown powder milkshake is a huge life TIMEsaver!�� and ‘its so convenient! i just swallow a glass of tasteless powder to meet my basic vitamin needs and then i have all the time my employer wants from me!’ and then you have to keep watching the unskippable ad only for the person not to become immediately radicalised by what they were just forced to say. I genuinely cannot fathom how people write these scripts, say them out loud, film these videos, edit them and publish them and nobody involved in that process is going insane. are you even listening? are you reading those words? cant you see the exploitation of workers is forcing you to stop performing even the most necessary of tasks like eating real food? and cant you see we have been so convinced that is normal that there are entire businesses and ad campaigns based on it?
food, actual real good normal food, is a human right, but also part of your culture, your family, your community. Its a source of joy, health, fun, love and creativity. please dont let these fucked up companies convince you its just time that could be better spent slaving away for the rich monsters that hold your contract.
#this is all so dystopian on so many levels#i also want to make clear bc if this ever sees the light of day outside my internet circle#that i am not talking about meal replacements for people who actually need them#if you have a chronic illness/disability or just some other physical condition that means you need to recieve your nutrition through#meal replacements of any kind - this post is not about that situation#this is about capitalism convincing the general public (forgive the phrasing) that people should forgo proper food in order to create more#time for corporations to exploit out of workers#i think (as some recovering (sort of) from an ed) our society has warped the way we view food and nutrition so disgustingly#and not just in the body image ‘health’ obsessed way#but also in this way and im sure many others too#so many foods or meals are marketed as prepare/cooked in x minutes and no prep and super convenient and has daily dose x x and x vitamins#LIKE. WHAT ABOUT TASTE. WHAT ABOUT THE JOY OF COOKING A BIG MEAL WITH YOUR FRIENDS. WHAT ABOUT FAMILY DINNERS.#WHAT ABOUT THE PRIDE YOU FEEL FINALLY GETTING A RECIPE RIGHT#WHAT ABOUT MAKING UR FOOD LOOK CUTE FOR FUN. WHAT ABOUT TEACHING KIDS HOW TO COOK. WHAT ABOUT SHARING FOOD WITH UR NEIGHBOURS.#WHAT ABOUT FAMILY RECIPES AND SECRET INGREDIENTS AND FEELING FULL AND HAPPY.#CAN ANYONE HEAR ME.
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since we are all in agreement that zabraks are like, cat-lizard-alien people, then they should have an aversion to water (or some kind of chemical) due to their biology, and an affinity for a different chemical, like how cats love wool and sheep because wool is full of lanolin, an oil produced by nursing cats that induces nursing behavior in kittens and adult cats alike.
adult zabraks are reduced to kittens when they smell a certain kind of fabric/a certain alien species that naturally produces lanolin/its space equivalent. because in a galaxy that large, it has to be possible. even funnier if iridonia is home to a second native alien species that evolved to produce space-lanolin so ancient zabraks didn’t eat them.
AKA… maul/the zabrak of your choice doing this:
youtube
#basically what i’m saying is. imagine maul or a zabrak being cool and tough only to freeze and shove their entire face in a blanket#or someone’s hair or whatever. and they’re HORRIFIED because. why am i purring. why does this smell so good. what trickery is this.#because on dathomir or iridonia these oils aren’t secreted outside of nursing/child rearing#they didn’t know this could happen#darth maul#zabraks#Star Wars meta#full adult zabraks reduced to kitten behavior while being furious.#maul: i WILL kill you. but first you will be my security blanket.#this is also making me imagine a species with fluffy white hair like a sheep so. diversity win!#walkie talkie.#Youtube
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Should I get up at 6 in the morning to go for a run or is that an insane decision that I will hate myself for
#the background is i’ve been running on and off since december but i’m finally getting pretty good at it i think#(the secret is doing lots of other stuff like hula hooping and exercise bike and pilates to gain aerobic ability and strength)#and i feel like i want to try running outside#up to now i’ve been using a slow treadmill with a top speed that’s a pretty decent jogging pace for me#but i definitely want to be able to go faster and i also need to be able to change up my strides#ya girl is 6’1 my strides are definitely longer than this treadmill is#however. i’m very aware that i look goofy as fuck when i run. i’m clumsy and top heavy and i have a bad case of rbf#NONE OF THIS MATTERS. but i still would rather run at a time when there’s not that many people around#so i was thinking why not 6am. but then i was like. ellen are you actually out of your fucking mind#right now i usually run in the late afternoon because it makes me hungry and that motivates me to start prepping dinner#so switching up the timing is already going to mess me up. literally switching from evening to morning pilates made me feel like the world#was ending. it’s bad#if i want to run outside i am going to have to change what time i do it regardless because the streets are full of school run people#and dog walkers at my usual time. i see them walking past my house#so it’s like why not do it at 6am#or. i Could try like 10pm. i do live in a small town; it’s pretty safe#what i could do is wear a hat with a light on it. men hate those. and carry a metal water bottle#i am like 80% sure i could incapacitate someone with a hydroflask i’m ngl. not that i’ll probably need to. but a girl’s gotta be prepared#personal
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