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waytooinvested · 5 months ago

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Forgotten, Not Forgiven - Chapter 18

This and previous chapters are also on AO3

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Lena stood as Kara ushered Nia inside, seeming unaware of the vibrating hum of tension her two guests were sharing as they prepared to set the stage for what needed to come next.

‘Come on in Nia! Look who dropped round to surprise me.’

Nia did a clearly fake double take and then waved like Lena might not have spotted her from a few paces across the room.

‘Oh hey Lena, what a cool coincidence!’

Lena smiled indulgently at the over-enthusiastic play of their ‘happening’ to be here at the same time. Despite how many secrets this little group kept, hardly any of them seemed to be able to lie convincingly, and it made her wonder yet again how she had ever been taken in. Maybe she should offer to give them all a Luthor crash course.

Then again… maybe not. They might be on their way to being proper friends, but teaching them how to lie to her more effectively was just asking for trouble.

‘Hello Nia, I hope you don’t mind me crashing your time with Kara like this. I just heard the news about your new contracts and thought I’d bring round some champagne to celebrate – would you like a glass?’

‘Oh that’s such a shame. I would love some, but actually Kara was going to help me practise some dream power stuff, and it will work best if we’re sober. If you don’t mind hanging out for a bit we could have some after though? Maybe with another movie night? I had a lot of fun last time – and of course you’d be welcome to join in the dream journey too if you’d like to.’

To avoid unexpected snags they had rehearsed how this interaction should play out ahead of time, and Lena knew her part as well as Nia. It felt strange to be putting on this level of performance for Kara – uncomfortably like lying, but they had no choice, Project Atlantis was too important to risk to chance.

‘Thank you for the offer, but I prefer not to dwell too much in my dreams, they can go to places I’d rather not to revisit in my waking hours if I can help it. If it’s okay with you both I would like to stick around and see how it’s done though – I’ve been curious about it for a while, from a scientific perspective, and it would be nice to have another hang out session afterwards. Would that be alright with you Kara?’

‘Of course! More Lena time is always alright with me. Won’t you get bored while Nia and I are dreaming though?’

‘Not at all. I have an excellent book on the go, and my tablet if I decide to be really virtuous and answer some work emails. I’ll barely notice the time passing.’

It was as simple as that. Lena was in.

She sat back down on the couch while Kara and Nia settled cross legged onto large throw pillows on the floor. Nia talked a bit about what she knew about how the dream powers worked, and what she was expecting to happen once they got started. Then Nia and Kara held hands and closed their eyes, and after a few seconds they both went still, their breathing syncing up as they entered whatever dream space Nia had led them to.

Honestly, she had kind of been expecting it to look more magical. Maybe glowing lights, the way Dreamer’s powers could be made to manifest when she fought, or some kind of mystical aura, or hum. But from the outside all there was to see was her two friends. It was a little like watching people meditate. Or nap sitting up.

Lena did her best to do as she had said she would and answer some work emails, in between periodic checks to make sure Kara still looked well. But she found that whenever she glanced down to her inbox, her mind filled with the image of Kara in their last Q-wave trial – the slow trickle of blood shockingly vivid against her skin – and she would immediately look back up at her, scrutinising for the slightest sign of anything going wrong. In the end she gave up on even the pretense of doing anything else, and simply watched Kara.

It was not exactly a hardship.

She tried not to let herself stare too openly at her best friend these days, lest it complicate things further than they already were, but now she was free to take her in without worrying about being caught, or making her uncomfortable.

And Kara was, quite simply, lovely.

Somehow she always seemed to be brighter than other people, as if she was permanently limned in the sunlight that gave her her powers, even now she couldn’t access them. Even when she was ducking her head and fidgeting with her cardigan sleeves and acting as if she didn’t want to be seen. Lena saw her.

Kara’s breath hitched.

It was subtle – the slightest stutter-step taking her out of time with Nia, but Lena was instantly on edge. Her instinct was to wake Kara immediately, but she knew it was too soon. The slight change could even be a good thing – a sign that something big was happening, that Kara was remembering. There was no blood, and no indication that this was necessarily a bad-

Kara went rigid, her head thrown suddenly back and a gasp ripping out of her that sounded like it was tearing at her lungs as the colour drained from her face in an instant and left her a scary shade of grey-white. Lena was beside her in two seconds flat, pulling her hands free from Nia’s and taking them in her own. They felt clammy, and her fingers stayed bent into stiff claws even as her limbs began to jerk against whatever she was experiencing in her mind.

‘Kara. Kara, darling, wake up. Come on, come back now, it’s alright. You’re home Kara, you’re safe, just open your eyes love.’

Kara’s eyes snapped open. They met Lena’s but didn’t seem to see her as she continued to gasp and jolt. Behind her Lena was aware of Nia coming round too, heard her quiet ‘oh my god…’, but didn’t spare her so much as a glance as she pulled Kara in against her chest, still whispering reassurances to her as she stroked her hair and rocked her gently back and forth.

‘You’re alright Kara, it’s over, you’re safe now. You’re home Kara, and I’m here, I’m going to look after you, I promise darling. I’ve got you Kara.’

She barely even registered her own words as she went on and on in this vein, but the soothing tone of her voice did seem to be getting through to Kara, as at last the strangled, wrenching gasps eased to mere panicked hyperventilations, and Kara’s hands unclenched from their claw-like curl to instead wrap around Lena’s forearms, as if she needed to hang onto her to keep her from leaving, or else to reassure herself that she was real. Her grip was painfully tight, but Lena wouldn’t have dreamt of trying to loosen it. Kara needed to hold something right now, and Lena would be her something.

‘Kara, I’m… I’m sorry, I never meant-’

Nia stuttered, sounding completely stricken, and now that the absolute worst was past Lena broke off her murmurings just long enough to reassure her.

‘It’s not your fault Nia, you couldn’t have known that this would happen. You should go home now though. Don’t worry, I’ll look after her, I promise. Will you please call Alex and let her know what happened? Tell her I’ll call her when I can to let her know how Kara is, but it might be late. Can you do that for me Nia?’

Nia nodded. She looked in shock and like she wasn’t sure if she wanted to stay and try to help, or run out of there to escape what had just happened. She was clearly upset, but Lena didn’t have time to worry about her right now. Nia had said she would call Alex, and she trusted the elder Danvers sister to give her whatever reassurance she might need.

Right now Lena’s only concern was Kara.

After what seemed like a long time, Kara’s tense muscles relaxed from jerky stiffness into slack trembling, and her silent shock dissolved into sobs. At last she released her fierce grip on Lena’s arms and instead shifted to wrap one arm around her in a loose embrace, her face burrowing down against Lena’s bare shoulder while her tears flowed freely. Now she wasn’t so rigid, Lena pulled her up gently to sit in her lap where she could hold her properly. She took Kara’s free hand and pressed it to her chest, right over her heart.

‘Do you feel that Kara? Focus on my heart. Count the beats, and try to breath when I breath, alright?’

She took a few slow deliberate breaths, allowing Kara to feel the rhythmic rise and fall beneath her palm.

‘I’m here. This is real. And you are safe now.’

Without looking up, Kara nodded against Lena’s now-wet shoulder, and pressed her palm a little more firmly against her skin.

They breathed together until Kara’s sobs subsided, and she had stopped shaking.

‘Thank you.’

‘Of course darling. How are you feeling now?’

‘Better. I didn’t know it was going to be like that though. Poor Nia. What an awful power to have.’

‘I don’t think it’s always as bad as that… do you want to talk about what happened?’

Kara sucked in a deep, shuddering breath, and Lena was sure she was going to say no, but she didn’t. She tucked herself more securely into Lena’s embrace, and started talking, her voice a little hoarse and with an odd hollowness that was not usually there, but steadier than could reasonably be expected after the intensity of her recent terror.

‘I actually really do. If I tell it then it’s just a story, it’s not as real.’

She stopped for a moment, gathering her words, and then plunged on like she was leaping off a cliff into an icy sea of memory, in the hopes of washing up on kinder shores.

‘To begin with it was a flying dream. That part was great – well, you can imagine. Nia said we should follow the source of the flying, and even though that doesn’t make any sense now I say it out loud, I knew what she meant, and I knew where to go. So we followed the source, and it led to this- wall I guess. But not like an ordinary wall – it was a huge black expanse that went on forever and didn’t seem to have a top, it just cut the world in two… I wanted to go back then, but Nia said we were close, and the source would be nearby, and I somehow knew she was right, so we kept following it and found this little hole. It was tiny, but Nia said that was the way to the source, and we should go through. I didn’t want to, but she thought it was important, so I tried.’

Kara broke off with a little shudder, but started up again before Lena had time to ask if she was alright, or if she needed a break.

‘The gap was so small I wasn’t even sure I could fit. I had to wriggle in on my belly, and I was scared I was going to get stuck, but by then I was too wedged in to back up properly even if I wanted to, so I thought if I just kept going I would get to the other side soon, and then I’d be wherever this source Nia kept talking about was, and I would have really helped her with her powers. Only it didn’t open up. I was just in this tiny tunnel that kept going for what seemed like miles, and it felt like it was getting tighter and tighter around me, like it didn’t want me in there and was trying to spit me back out, only I couldn’t get out because it was squeezing me so hard, and I couldn’t hear Nia anymore. I was completely alone.

And then... I wasn’t, and somehow that was so much worse. It was like I was back trapped in the car, only multiplied by about a million, and the Things trying to get to me were something so much more horrible than coyotes or wolves, they were… monsters, or demons, or something. I couldn’t see them, but I knew they were just a breath away from me in the dark, and that they really, really wanted to hurt me. I tried to move forwards to get away from them, but then the pain started. It felt like my skin was being seared off my bones, and my blood was full of nails that tore my heart to shreds with every pump, and I wanted to scream but my lungs were on fire and breathing hurt too much. I couldn’t move backwards or forwards anymore, I was just stuck there feeling all of it, forever. I was so, so alone, and everyone I loved was dead or dying and I couldn’t help them. And... you hated me Lena. I knew, somehow I knew that you hated me.’

Kara started crying again, but it was different this time. Less painful, tearing anguish and more cathartic, like she was washing out the lingering remains of her ordeal to leave a clean wound that could begin to heal.

Lena closed her eyes against the tears that welled there, refusing to let them fall when Kara so badly needed her to be strong. She buried her face into the golden waves of Kara’s hair and pressed a kiss to the top of her head instead, pouring all of the things she could not voice into the gesture before giving a more moderated response.

‘I don’t hate you Kara, I- nothing could be further from the truth. It sounds unimaginably horrific, but I promise you none of that was real. Everyone is safe. Alex is safe, and Nia and James, Winn, Kelly, Brainy, J’onn, Sam, Ruby, Eliza: no one you love is in any danger. You’re not in any danger. It’s all over, and you’re safe, alright?’

Kara sniffled and wiped her eyes.

‘I’m just so tired now. I feel like I’ve been fighting a battle for a year without stopping. I am so tired. But I don’t think I dare go to sleep, in case I go back there.’

‘How about if I stay with you? I’ll look after you, and if you show any signs of bad dreams – even just a murmur or a change in your breathing, I’ll wake you up, so you won’t be back there for more than a second.’

Kara hesitated.

‘I can’t ask you to do that.’

‘You’re not asking. And whatever happens I am not leaving you alone tonight. If you don’t want me to stay I’ll call Alex to come instead, but you need someone here with you.’

‘Well then… I’d rather it was you.’

Lena’s heart swelled at the quiet admission, and she gave Kara a gentle squeeze of acknowledgement.

‘Then I’ll stay... Do you happen to have some sweatpants and a t-shirt I could borrow though? It’s no problem if not, I can just stay in my clothes, but I didn’t exactly dress bed-time comfy tonight.’

To her surprise, Kara actually smiled then. It was just the barest tilt of lips, but it was unmistakably there, like a single ray of sunlight breaking through a mass of storm clouds, standing out all the more vividly for the darkness that had preceded it.

‘Yes. I actually have the perfect pajamas for you.’

The ‘perfect pajamas’, it turned out, consisted of a pair of pink pants patterned all over with paler pink and white blobs; and a soft white t-shirt with a matching pink trim and a printed image of two large anthropomorphised cartoon marshmallows, wearing sleepy smiles and holding stick-drawing hands beneath the words ‘you make me feel squishy’ in sugar-pink bubble writing.

Lena raised an eyebrow, and Kara flashed her an impish (if still slightly watery) grin in return.

‘Because you’re a marshmallow.’

‘Hmm.’

The pajamas were simultaneously so very much not Lena, and yet also kind of appropriate. Because Lena Luthor was absolutely not a marshmallow... Except when it came to Kara, maybe she kind of was.

Still, she couldn’t help feeling self-conscious as she emerged from the bathroom, makeup free and dressed in the sugary sweet outfit. She knew she looked silly, and childish in a way she rarely had even as an actual child (Lilian Luthor did not go in for cute when it came to choosing clothes for her offspring, and the only time Lena could ever remember wearing something with a cartoon print on it was the time in elementary school when Angela Howard had spilled chocolate milk over her at lunch and she had had to borrow a Tweety Pie t-shirt from the lost and found until the au pair had arrived with a fresh shirt), and as much as that shouldn’t matter right now, she instinctively crossed her arms over the picture on her chest as she stepped into the bedroom.

She was considering searching out a sweatshirt to at least cover up the top half, when Kara looked up from her comforter cocoon, took in Lena’s appearance, and let out a breath that seemed to carry half the weight of her nightmare away with it. Her tense shoulders lowered, the pinch between her brows smoothed, and she smiled with her eyes, the haunted look that had been lingering in them since the moment she resurfaced receding until it was almost eclipsed by something that Lena didn’t quite dare to name, but that made her cheeks warm until she was pretty sure they matched her pants.

‘You’re adorable.’

She cleared her throat and put her hands on her hips in unconscious imitation of Supergirl, realising a moment too late that she was no longer hiding the marshmallow print, and also that it didn’t matter.

‘I’ll have you know many people find me very intimidating.’

Kara ‘hmmm-ed’, her nose crinkling with feigned scepticism, and Lena let her arms drop to her sides, the last of her discomfort fading into insignificance under the influence of that sweet little scrunch.

Maybe she didn’t mind being adorable for Kara, after all.

She got into bed, having to edge up close to get any share at all of the blankets Kara had bundled herself up in, though she couldn’t say she minded that either. In other circumstances it might have felt dangerous to be here like this, in bed beside the woman she had been crushing on (and lusting over) practically since they’d met, who she absolutely could not cross that boundary with, but it didn’t. This wasn’t about that. It was about being here for her best friend after something awful had happened, and creating a safe space for her to sleep without fear. To that end they left the bedside lamp on in the hope that being able to see her surroundings would help keep Kara grounded; Lena made sure that water, tissues, and emergency post-panic chocolate supplies were all in easy reach (just in case); and then, after the slightest hesitation, she held out her arms in silent invitation.

She half expected Kara to shy away from the offer, despite the fact that she had spent most of the evening in Lena’s lap with her face burrowed into to the bare skin of her shoulder, but instead she snuggled into the embrace without so much as a flicker of her usual reserve. Apparently her ordeal had left her too wrung out to worry about whatever it was that normally made her hold back, and they slotted together as naturally and comfortably as if they did this every night.

After a few moments of quiet cuddling, Kara whispered into Lena’s neck:

‘Will you tell me something?’

‘Of course darling, what do you want to know?’

‘Just... anything. Tell me about what you’re doing at work at the moment. Something science-y that won’t leave room in my brain for anything else. I just want to hear your voice while I fall asleep.’

‘Alright. Well, I’ve been tinkering a bit with using ternary tetradymite films to optimise electron mobility in some of our spintronic devices this week – I could tell you about that if you like?’

‘Please.’

So Lena talked all about electron mobility and spintronics, going into more detail than she probably should have to explain her as yet unpublished process to create a flawless crystalline structure in the ternary tetradymite films, and then when Kara didn’t ask her to stop, moved on to describe the wearable thermoelectric devices she had started work on using the same technology, which would, with a little more work, efficiently convert waste body heat into electricity to power the wearer’s devices.

She made sure to keep her voice low and soothing as she stroked Kara’s back and let the words carry her away, until at last her breathing became slow and even, and the subtle change in her weight against Lena’s side let her know that she had fallen asleep.

Lena stayed like that for another few minutes, just holding Kara and stroking her back, until she was sure that she was both deeply asleep and not currently in the midst of any upsetting dreams. Then she eased herself up to a sitting position and reached for her phone.

It was almost 2am by this point, but she didn’t think Alex would mind.

Lena: Are you awake?

Alex: Of course I am. Call me.

Lena: I can’t, I’m still at Kara’s

Lena: she’s asleep but I promised I wouldn’t leave her alone in case she has nightmares. So I’m texting you.

Lena: I need to tell you what happened but I can’t Lulu code it so you need to delete these texts once you’ve read them

Alex: ok. Is Kara alright???

Lena: Physically she’s fine. Emotionally though...

Lena: It was BAD Alex.

Lena: I don’t think I’ve ever seen her like that. I have bruises from where she was clinging onto me just to try and ground herself in reality, and even then it was at least half an hour after she came out before she started to look like she really believed this world was the real one

Alex: Fuck

Alex: How is she now?

Lena: She seems calm now. By the time we came to bed she was acting more like herself, just exhausted. She might have some trauma to work through before she’s really ok though

Alex: Thank you for being there for her tonight

Alex: And thank god you suggested one of us should join the dream sessions. I’m not sure if Nia could have coped with that by herself

Lena: Did you speak to her? is she alright? I was so focused on Kara I just sent her home and told her to call you

Alex: Yeah, she called. She feels awful for what happened. I told her it wasn’t her fault and we talked for a bit, but the poor girl is still seriously shaken.

Lena: I’m not surprised, it was pretty intense. I’ll have to check in on her in the morning.

Alex: Speaking of which, are YOU ok?

Lena: I’m fine, mostly just worried about Kara

Alex: Are you sure? You said you have bruises???

Alex: Do you think it was a returning powers doesn’t-know-her-own-strength situation? Because that would at least mean something good came out of it.

Lena: I think it was a regular human strength abject terror disconnect from her surroundings situation.

Lena: Which is lucky because if she had had superstrength at that moment I would currently be in hospital getting titanium rods fitted to replace the bones I would no longer have in my forearms.

Alex: ouch

Alex: so the dream work was a total failure then

Lena: Maybe not entirely. Did Nia tell you what happened while they were in there?

Alex: as much as she could. She said once Kara went into the wall it was like she lost control – she couldn’t sense her anymore, and Kara didn’t seem to be able to hear her when she called. She tried to follow but the dream wouldn’t let her.

Lena: Kara told me what happened after that. And I understand now what the barrier Lex built is made of.

Alex: Wait you do?! Tell me!!!

Lena: it isn’t something artificial we can just remove to let the two sides come back together. If we break the barrier, we’re breaking part of Kara’s mind.

Lena: that’s why the Q-waves gave her a nose bleed, I think

Lena: and it’s why Kara’s own mind is fighting so hard to keep away from it

Alex: WHAT IS IT???

Lena: It’s her fear.

Lena: Lex has taken all Kara’s Kryptonian memories, and walled them off behind every terror that Kara Zor El or Supergirl ever faced. So to get the rest of her memories back she would have to overcome all of them at once

Lena: The phantom zone. The loss of her planet. Every moment of pain from every time she was poisoned with kryptonite. Every time someone she loved died or was in danger, EVERYTHING. All at once.

Alex: That sick bastard.

Alex: Lena, Kara has faced so much fear.

Lena: I know

Alex: If she knew why she needed to she might be able to do it. But how can we ever expect her to go back in there if we can’t tell her why she has to?

Lena: We can’t

Lena: not without finding some way to protect her from it first

Lena: that much agony all in one go could break her mind permanently

Beside her in the bed Kara stirred, a tiny frown creasing her forehead.

Lena: I have to go, but we will work on this more at the next PA meeting.

Lena: Don’t forget to delete

Lena cleared the text chain quickly from her own phone, and then turned to pull Kara back into her arms, stroking her hair and murmuring ‘shhh darling, it’s alright, you’re safe’, until Kara relaxed back into more restful sleep.

She was tired and feeling a little shaky herself after what had happened, whatever she had just told Alex, but Lena didn’t let herself close her eyes. She stayed awake beside Kara as the hours ticked slowly by, watching for any sign of distress and soothing her back out of it whenever she seemed to be edging into nightmares, until at last the pale light of dawn began to filter in through Kara’s thin bedroom curtains, and they had officially made it through the night.

#supercorp #kara danvers #lena luthor #supergirl #supercorp fanfic #kara x lena #supergirl fanfiction #Forgotten Not Forgiven

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zymruk · 4 months ago

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Can you stop? [Shang-Chi x Reader]

AN: I received this request and honestly thanks for asking me to write it. I don't know how much it's gonna take me to write it, but I'll try. sorry for any grammar mistakes

Y/A/N: Your agency's name

Warning: none, really.

Synopsis: Shaun wasn't always a door guy. He used to work as a bodyguard.

I'm probably gonna follow up with a one-shot

It was Tuesday third of October, when you woke up to the sound of pounding at your door. It took you a while to remember the cause of the noise. You had an appointment today for a promotional ad for some cream. And judging by the time you were late.

"Come on Y/N, you don't want another one of Lelie's scoldings!" Said Shawn outside your door. Shawn was the bodyguard you'd gotten since the renewal of your contract at Y/A/N. The previous one had just closed down, so you were in dire need of a new one, fortunately, Les still wanted you as a client. The both of you, then, decided on holding your own fort. Still, you needed a bodyguard, the previous one had been hired by someone by the time you'd found a compromise with Les. Coincidentally, Shawn had all the qualifications, thus, was hired.

Leslie was your agent. She could be a bit cranky on bad days, but the worst ones were when you were late to your appointments. And you were. In less time than you planned, you had been showered, dressed and ready to go. After all, you would change once again at the shooting set when you' would 'd arrive. The clothes you were supposed to be wearing already picked out by dear Leslie.

"Thanks. I think I forgot to put on my alarm." You turned to Shawn, whom had already bought you coffee. You would need it today. Not only did you have to shoot an ad, later in the day you were needed at the inauguration of a theater funded by the Stark Relief Foundation.

You'll smile, take pictures for two hours and even go through four more hours watching a documentary on the creation of the Stark industries. Apparently, the theater director had insisted on it being projected during the inauguration, though many had wanted to watch something else. Thanks to Leslie, however, you wouldn't suffer alone, as she'd been able to snatch another ticket for Shawn. He would watch the terribly long documentary with you. Not that he really had a choice. I mean, he was paid to do it.

Now in the car, going to the set location, you couldn't help but get lost in the sights of the road. You often didn't have the time to stop and admire what was around you. More often than you'd want, you needed to be at ten places at the same time. It was tiring, but, like everybody, you had a job to do and your mouth to feed. Also, your job wasn't as terrible as it could've been. You were lucky. You had, comfortably, a thing that few could claim and, money. In terms, you couldn't really complain.

"What are you thinking about?" Shawn's voice took you out of your reverie. He was looking at you through the rearview mirror. You'd almost forgotten him with how quiet he'd been.

"Everything and nothing at once. Why?" Now that he was looking at the road again, you could observe him without any restraint. He was a handsome young man, the same age as you if you were not mistaken, maybe a bit older. But handsome, no less. He'd seen a lot of things with you in this one year of 'partnership'. He'd protected you from weirdos trying to break into your changing rooms, had shielded you from someone trying to snatch you at a signing event.You'd been vulnerable with during this year, he'd seen you break down more times than you could count and still found it in himself to be comprehensive about it. You were safe with him, so much so that you'd considered him an ally; a friend, if you will.

Once the shooting was done, you two were on your way back to your hotel, where you'd go back to your respective rooms and change clothes. You were given a y/f/c garment that complimented your body in the best of ways. You could thank Leslie and the stylist she'd gotten you for that. Though you weren't feeling the event as much as you should've, you still felt better knowing you wouldn't be alone. Shawn would be with you.

"Hey, are you ready?" You could hear his voice outside your door as you were staring at your reflection.

"Yeah, I'm coming." You were content with the way you looked. Plus, you wouldn't stay all night. After the screening, or during, you'd find a way to take your leave without anyone noticing. You had faith in that.

Once out of the room, you almost bumped with him, by how close he was to the entrance. The suit he was wearing was remarkably perfect in him. It was as if he was the one blessed by a fairy or something. Also, it was worth noting that his faced had been done. Probably Leslie and her need for every picture to be perfect. You were all the more enthralled by his eyeshadow.

Or rather, his eyes, to be more precise. Whomever Leslie had hired had truly mastered their craft. All in all, the makeup suited him, you'd go as far as to say it really complimented his face.

"Maybe we should get moving." He said, his voice above a whisper. You hadn't realized the two of you had been standing in this hallway for a while now. You didn't know what could've happened if anything had happened in the tiny moment.

"Yeah, definitely. Do you have any plans after tonight?" The words escaped your mouth before you could even hold them back. It was true that Shawn would be free later in the night. He'd be done with his shift. Elsa would take hers right after him. You didn't know why you needed a nocturn security guard; but Leslie knew what she was doing, you trusted her too.

"No, I was planning on watching a movie and falling asleep to it." You felt stupid for even asking the question, obviously the guy wanted to relax and chill after this day of running around.

"Do you have any plans for tonight?" You hadn't even gotten the time to engage with his answer that he'd already asked you a question.

"No, I'm probably gonna stay in my room late and wait for sleep to find me."

"Why don't we both watch a movie and fall asleep to it then?" You had to agree the suggestion was appealing. You wanted to have fun and maybe that would be the one fun thing you'd be doing this week. In less than a minute you'd made your mind.

"Yeah, sure. Did you have movie picked out already?" The both of you had already taken the direction of your room. It was in all honesty the biggest of the two.

"Yeah, I had an inkling for ratatouille by scary movie is also kinda good." He'd say his hands in his pockets. You couldn't see it but her was smiling.

"I'm more of a scary movie type of gall." You said turning your head towards him as you were unlocking your room.

#mcu x reader #mcu #shang-chi x reader #shawn x reader #shang chi #shang chi x you #shang chi fanfic #shang-chi imagine #shang chi is a bodyguard this time #imagine #simu liu #reader's a celebrity #mcu x y/n #mcu x yn #shang chi x yn #shang chi x y/n #shang-chi x yn #shang-chi x y/n #shang chi fanfiction

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kuwdora · 4 months ago

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heyyyy let me try another blogging entry type of thing. Pretty much each week my brain turns to ooze by Friday from all this jobdyssy and networking and all the burnout still dragging me down. I refuse to let the world and my brain gaslight me and I'm pushing myself so hard and taking rests and being deliberate with my time and effort for getting some contract work and other things - but this job market fucking sucks so much and I'm so frustrated by some of my circumstances and things outside of my control. It's obnoxious. the bullshit people have to go through right now for interviews and shit..it's awful.

It would help if my insomnia wasn't so bad. I'm fairly bedraggled more often than not which makes everything hard. I dream of sleeping more than 5 or 6 hours a night. well I don't actually dream since I don't think I'm getting enough sleep to get to the dream stage but regardless. It would be great to sleep a full night. I miss being able to nap, too but my body just doesn't let me do that anymore either. In other news, I've been rewatching witcher season 3 and Suits season 9 for background noise while I work on some collage and painting projects. I have a list of like 45 other shows that I could watch for the first time but I'm still needing to be in that rewatch zone.

the witcher fixation remains strong...just buried under all of my other wips and things going on in my brain right now. I'm soo looking forward to season 4 for whatever nice things I'll get from it and whatever disappointments I gotta brace myself for when the new season's here. I got a bunch of new comments last weekend on all my yennskier fic which was so lovely and just reminding me of how many more yennskier wips I have. and now i want to work on those. Except I'm neck-deep in other new projects. so I'll see if I can actually finish what I'm working on right now.

I'm going through the motions of working on new things I'm enjoying working on but. But. Also having that fear that no one going to like it even though I've shown a few things to a few people here and there and had received positive feedback on it. It's been awhile since I've been doing this kind of collaging before and it's something I can manage to do really slowly while my brain is melted from my days. It feels great to come full circle to a style and technique I had been doing ages ago but come back to it with my accumulated creative experience behind me. I'm having so much fun. Even though I'm so fucking tiredddddd. But also at some point I want to share. but not yet. oooh, also! wanted to say thank you everyone who signal boosted my ko-fi shop! the sales and tips def helpin' me out. I might add a few more paintings and a terracotta pot if I can track them down. I just have so many random pieces that are just getting lost in the clutter of my apartment.

I have a few more witcher painty-collage ideas I've placed in a pile to work on when I get done with my current things. but as always, too many wips, bwah.

#artdora #blogdora #my brain is squishy #also this summer heat can fuck off already #textpost

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hpowellsmith · 1 year ago

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How do you manage working both on games and on IFs? Both are industries I'd love to work in some day so any advice would be deeply appreciated!

Small background info: as of May 2023, I'm doing a variety of freelance narrative design and consulting work for game studios plus my work for CoG projects.

A lot of people I know who do narrative in the games industry started out with IF in various ways, whether they continued doing that or moved into other types of games. The skills you learn making small (or big!) interactive pieces are essential for understanding narrative design and game writing. Job application requirements often ask for Twine or Ink excerpts in portfolios. Although game studios won't always use those tools out of the box (ink or ink-plus-custom-tech is more common, but often proprietary tools will be used, or something like articy) building your knowledge of the possibilities of what can be done with interactive storytelling is vital. So if you are interesting in pursuing game writing or narrative design, creating some IF is a great thing to look into.

I don't know if I have good advice, exactly, because 2019-2022 I was working full-time in games and making my CoG games during lunch breaks, evenings and weekends and... it wasn't easy especially at the points where I was doing Royal Affairs and Noblesse Oblige sort-of at the same time while making King of the Castle (in practice, I alternated between the two CoG projects but switching between three very different games was quite the endeavour!)

So my primary advice would be to keep an eye on your mental and physical health because the risk of burnout is huge. Especially if you're working in a creative field already - you can get into a cycle of leisure time turning into work time and you don't really get decompression.

One thing that not everyone knows is that some (not all!) game studio policies restrict the creative work you're allowed to do on the side, with varying levels of strictness. For example:

-you may be required to ask permission to do side projects at all, with the possibility that they will say no

-you may be required to specify what you're working on and state that it isn't related to what you're doing in your day job

-you may be required to sign a contract stating that if you don't get written confirmation otherwise, the company will own your side project and be owed revenue from it, even if it's done outside of work hours and not using any work related equipment or software

-and many other possible restrictions. I have had the experience of having to ask permission to work on side projects when working a job that was entirely unrelated and outside the game industry

Whew!

So: if you have a salaried job and you want to do a side project, especially but not only if you're getting money from it, really do your research and make sure you're on solid ground legally.

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literaticat · 8 months ago

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Hi Jenn. After all these years agenting, do you still find it exciting and challenging (in a good way) or do you sometimes have to find new ways to keep it from becoming mundane at times? Hope I'm asking this right. I guess what I mean is, what advice do you have for others in the publishing field - agents, editors, authors - or even any job (!) to keep things fresh and stimulating without becoming dull and repetitive?

I find it exciting and challenging, and very rarely would I characterize it as dull or repetitive or mundane, actually. (Even theoretically "dull" activities like data entry or whatever -- while maybe ANNOYING sometimes -- are still of short enough duration that they aren't really any of those other things!)

There's just always some new project, challenge, puzzle to figure out, and one day rarely looks just like the next. (I guess it might from an outside perspective -- like "okkkkkay, she's sat at her computer for 8 hours... the next day she's sat at her computer for 8 hours..." these seem the same! BUT I PROMISE THEY ARE DIFFERENT!)

So where MY problem comes in is not in boredom or anything like that -- it's more: A) PANIC because no matter how much I do, there's literally always more to do. I can't get to inbox zero, the inbox doesn't have a bottom. I can't finish a to-do list this week, or any week, things are just getting added as fast as I can do them. and B) PROCRASTINATION - like right now is my "day off" but I started to low-key panic about the things I have to do. Like, I have to -- HAVE TO!!! -- do my taxes and clean my house, because my mom is coming in a couple of days and the house is a wreck AND I know while she's here I won't have time to do my taxes and whatever whatever -- so instead I'm SCREWING AROUND ON TUMBLR. -- so B is both a result of, and cause of, A. That's my struggle. (And if anyone has advice, hmu.)

I guess my advice if you DO have a repetitive job is, try and break it up into smaller bits, and do other things in between? Like, I can't give notes on multiple books in a row, or read multiple contracts in a row -- I can do ONE, and then I have to do something entirely different, using a different part of my brain. Like I can edit a book, then update social media -- then I can do a contract, but then go outside and just read a published book -- then I can look at queries, etc. But if I tried just editing a book or reading contracts or looking at queries all day long, I'd die.

So if you are a writer, maybe you have dedicated time that you know you can be head down, butt in chair, just writing your face off -- a time when you are by yourself and don't have to worry about feeding any children or animals or anything like that. Focus on that for that dedicated stretch of time -- no looking at email or the news. Then take a break that is totally different -- walk the dog! Make an omelette! Call your mom! -- then, go back to work, but this time, you are editing something you wrote last week. Then, give yourself a treat, have a cup of tea, look at social media. Then, go back to work, but this time you are doing admin -- updating your website, or getting shit together for an event next week, or whatever.

ALSO, I got this piece of advice from a productivity expert (paraphrasing, and also, advice that I should actually take myself but I just remembered about it right now!) Basically, rather than having a lengthy to-do list that feels daunting -- your daily to-do list should be THREE ITEMS. Pick three. ONLY. THREE.

Then when you do those three things, you're done for the day -- you can give yourself a gold star and stop -- OR, you can try for another three.

I do find that when I actually focus -- like, OK, I have ONE HOUR to do this task and only this task, head down, timer on -- or OK, I am going to sit here and do THREE AGENDA ITEMS -- then I actually do them. Whereas if I have a nebulous long list, it's much harder to do!

OK NOW I AM GONNA GO DO MY TAXES BYE.

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aeionastrologyandtarot · 1 year ago

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Devil in The Details: Mercury Retrograde in Virgo

Devil in The Details: Mercury Retrograde in Virgo This retrograde found me sitting in front of a medical center waiting for a deliver service to pick me up, in a malfunctioning wheelchair. I spent hours calling a call center to connect me with a driver who would pick me up. While I tend avoid personal matters in my forcast, wanting you to view the transit from your own personal lens, my recent surgery urges me to share my perspective with regard to the nature of all transits and this one in particular. We understand the planets through our own experiences and observations. The astrologer can only provide the framework what you may encounter. Retrogrades are times of personal reflection and review, where we evaulate our lives from the now clinical way and from the position of a human being who past decisions and effort demand reappraise and context. Mercury Retrograde will begin on Thursday, August 23th. It will remain in the sign of Virgo for the whole of the transitt. It ends on Friday September 15 at EDT, and 1:21 pm PDT..

Virgo is a sign that are governed or under the direct influence of the planet, Mercury. Virgo (Earth) represents thought applied with pragmatic, practical approach to the physical world. Stickler for rules, Virgo is able break things down to their components, determining how they work and what ways will make them work better. Virgo, as a sign, can be practical, hardworking, supportive and observant. They can also be hypercritical, demanding, insincere and preoccupied.

Mercury Retrogrades is a time of reflection and review, where one is encouraged to reexamine important past issues. During the transit, your daily routines may be shaken up; you may encounter mental challenges, or be required to make some alternate plans regarding some daily matters. Expect to be distracted and made to improvise a great deal into the coming weeks. You may find unpredictability and randomness to be the order of the day.

This transit will ask that you re-examine and re-evaluate some important questions of your life. Determine where you’ve allowed rote, mechanical thinking to supplant your intuition or sense of spontaneity. You may possibly revisit a past experience in service to fostering an exciting new one. Remember, Retrogrades are not the time to initiate new endeavors, but review past ones. The information you uncover from revisiting issues from the past will serve you in good stead in weeks following the end of the transit on September 15th.

Mercury retrogrades are notorious for their affect upon devices of planning and communication. Telephones, computers, written message and contracts may experience problems during its passage. Try not to initiate new projects or make commitment wherever possible at this time. Keep your focus upon existing concerns instead. In light of this transit it might be in your best interest to get a second opinion or an outside observer to help review your work. Reach out to those you trust and support your research with another set of eyes.

Virgos, This retrograde is not about what you need to do, but about what have you not yet done. It will ask you to look back upon previous efforts, determining if they can help you in the future. Rediscoveries you’ll make in the coming weeks may feed and renew concerns you are truly passionate about.

Pisces, at this time, expect important breakthroughs to occur, especially with regards to your personal plans. Rather than choosing a specific course, allow yourself to explore a variety of possibilities. Once the retrograde ends you’ll possess a wide array of knowledge that will help you make best the possible choice in service to your plans. Let your internal cues provide the answer you will need.

Gemini and Sagittarius, This retrograde may ask you to revisit some past matter and to determine its importance to your future. You may have to confront a dilemma that cannot be easily overlooked or ignored. Unraveling the knot that Mercury presents you with may prove highly productive, even cathartic.

In the next few weeks get in touch with your humanity, both acknowledging your frailties and allowing for a new perspectives. Spend time in spiritual practices and creative endeavors during this period. Any creative projects should prove helpful and instructive at this time. You should dwell upon things that predate the retrograde and be mindful of starting any new works during this period.

Mercury Retrograde in Virgo may provide solutions to questions that honor the life you want to live. Listen to your inner truth and this transit may set you upon a course to an existence that is productive, bright and vigorous.

Aeion is a professional astrologer and tarot card reader with 20 years of experience. His approach is based in the belief that divination should be in employed to enhance ones' life experiences, not to predetermine them. Let Astrology and Tarot be your tools for better living.

#MercuryRetrogradeinVirgo #MercuryRetrogradeinVirgo2023 #MercuryRetrograde #Mercury #Virgo #Astrology #Transit #Planets #Signs

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kiribread · 2 years ago

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Monster Hunter Au!

Idk something dawned on me that i can actually post this so im gonna!

So here's shinii [kamui woods] for the au! It took me a lil bit to figure out his design but im happy with it 💃

Here's some more info!

So he's not a hunter but witch herbalist!

This would mean he falls into the "monster" category

He's from a family of witches that specialize in the magics of herbs and other plants

With that being said he's not biologically related to any if them!

He was found by one of the witches in the family while searching for certain flowers

The witch was a lil young to be a mom (13) so one of the aunts took him in

The particular aunt couldn't have children of her own so it worked out nice 👍🏻

anyways so they taught him there magics not really expecting him to learn much of it due to many spells only able to be learned if ur blood related but were surprised when he was able to learn them all :0

like i said earlier the family specializes in herb and other plant magics but most well known for the herbs

Their herbs are said to be some of the best of the best in this part of the world!

This is what helps them keep hunters from messing with them because if a hunter were to kill one for whatever reason the comission could take the offense quite seriously

They may be witches but their herbs and medicines are of great value!

With this said, all members of the family are required to put some efforts into the herbs they grow

But once they've done their duties for the day with the herbs they can work on other personal projects!

Just bc the witch family as a whole specializes in herbs/medicines doesn't mean every individual does as well

[Ima cut to something else for a quick second but it'll make sense]

To help out with the plants the witches make contracts with these plant dragons [as shown above]

These lil guys are on the smaller side when it comes to dragons but there a big help with the herbs and stuff!

But while making the contract the witches body mutates a bit

This mutation includes gaining some characteristics from a plant they truely specialize in

So someone specializing in mint for example could have like mint leaves in their hair and or have minty breathe!

So when it was time for shinji to pick his dragon he picked Boop!

Yeah.... I he couldn't come up with a better name 💀

But anyways!

So they get along great untill shinji starts to fall ill

Falling ill after the contract is normal since the body is going through a change

But shinji was ill for an abnormal amount of time

Normally they can be sick for 1 to 2 days but it was going on to shinji's 6 and he was only getting worse

The family tried their herb medicines on him with little to no luck

Poor Boops was feeling guiltily about him being sick due to the contract

Suddenly one morning shinji asks for Boops to help him outside

Boop agrees and places him in a sunny patch of clovers

They curl up with eachother and a few hours later a complete transformation had been made!

He qas feeling much better but still tired

he went back to sleep only to be woken up by his family

They were shocked by the transformation since now he had bark skink and a full head of leaves

But they were happy the he was feeling better!

Okay one more thing 💃💃💃💃

Yu!

I don't have much down for her yet but heres what i got so far! (That relates to shinji ofc)

So yu is a rookie hunter based near this forest

Since she's a rookie shes still learning the ropes but is doing well considering

Also that shes nearby shinji's family the commission often has her pick up stuff from their for them

This is all dany but she kinda has a grudge for them for whatever reason

While picking up suplies she meets shinji who wraps the goods up and gives them to her

She didn't make a very friendly impression to say the least

Although, the more and more times she went the more she warmed up to him

She's atleast not a jerk to him anymore!

Well, not as much at times anyway haha

One time when she picked the stuff up she had a bit of a limp and a few scratches

Shinji notices it and makes her stay so he can tend to the wombs

Most of the cuts weren't that bad but some were pretty deep and her ankle was spranged

She refused to say where the injuries where from and she barely let him tend to her

She fell asleep there and tried to leave in the morning but shinji wouldn't let her go alone with her ankle

Luckly they made it there and back with no issues!

That's all for now bc the post is getting pretty long and im tired of typing 😭

If y'all got any question lemme know bc ik i kinda skimmed over some of these parts for times sake lol

#Kamui woods #Shinji Nishishina #Mt lady #Yu Takayama #Bnha #Mha #monster hunter au

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salt-volk · 2 years ago

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post707883411295043585 thats part of the problem tho is yall assume that just bc stuff doesnt come out on time means theyre not working on it. as if they just sit twiddling thumbs. shit isnt slow bc they need more motivation. its slow bc they have a bare bones staff of maybe 1-2 ppl & all else is contracted work they barely have the cash for.

"right now basically nothing ever gets done" & you think adding a few dates to a list would fix that? you think they dont know theyre falling behind? that its not obvious? as if they dont already have internal set dates they aim for that just havent been shared w the userbase?

they dont need more motivation or accountability. they need more staff & more funds. all the accountability in the world cant add extra hours in the day. you can be working as hard as you possibly can & still not meet deadline bc its just not humaenly possible w the resources you have. look at the underlying problem instead of just surface optics.

they could put dates just to placate yall. but it would be an empty gesture. theyd still be just as behind as always bc the dates are not tackling the base issue. itd be the same old shit but more to get mad abt as they still fail to meet dates you asked them to set.

some of yallve never worked on large amateur creative ventures & it shows lmao. youd be amazed how fast a few months can go by & youre only doing background shit so theres still no visible progress you can share publicly. you worked every single day but still feel theres nothing tangible enough to show for it. a few months can go by fast esp when you dont have just one job & are juggling 10 different tasks w simultaneous importance bc its just you or mayb 1 other person taking on 6 ppl worth of work.

just remember were all looking from the outside. theres always backend stuff goign on we never know abt. (i know. ironically im making assumption too. but its based on so much experience w these sorts of teams. dv has all the signs. plus context clues given on stream & rare times staff communicates. textbook understaffed scope creepy amateur project tbh.)

if this were neopets or some shit own by a large company w hundreds of employees maybe itd be different. but some of yall are always gonna be miserable if you dont manage your expectations. see it for what it is instead of what you want it to be. & sometimes look at whats been accomplished. they DO get stuff done. theyre not dropping 80 updates a month, but to me it looks like they make slow steady progress. miss goals but do follow up eventually. they are literally completing tasks. & show signs of taking feedback into account. just not at the speed ppl want.

criticism makes for a better convo topic bc negative emotional response sticks in the brain longer. but were always gonna have bias if we dont appreciate good shit too. sometimes theres an attitude like "okay cool i like this, now wheres the NEXT thing" or "great finally an improvement, now why isnt THIS other thing fixed?". moving on to the next thing so quick you dont notice the effort of whats in front of you.

but once you match dvs pace & get what postion theyre coming from its not terrible. i have plenty of criticisms from a project management perspective. but in terms of other aspects ive a more lenient view considering what theyre likely working w (esp not having a dev or anyone who codes as part of core staff. im surprised theyve been able to keep afloat this long even lmao)

you dont hold an amateur experimental musician to the same standards as an international pop star w a whole team behind them, yea? but the amateur is not inherently worse, or less worthy of support. you can still enjoy both, just recognizing theyre different things. i see the vision of the amateur & choose to support patiently knowing its got a different pace than the pop idol. theyre at different spots in their career timeline & will have their own unique issues based on that. but both can be plenty good. context matters.

TLDR; there is much staff can do better at ofc (namely communication & interpretation of user feedback (like not knowing in the first place that "roadmap" usually implies dates -_-). but imo dates are not gonna fix shit bc lack of "motivation" is def not the core issue. such focus on the dates is thus unhelpful. i think some of yall dont get where dv is actually at & then put up expectations that are built to fail bc of that. not saying to let everything slide. but yk. appreciate the good where it happens. have patience. be aware what the underlying problems actually are & contextualize. tempering realistic expectations will make you much happier & able to enjoy the game for what it is.

or idk. i personaly used to be one of the main harsher critics so much i almost quit dv entirely & this perspective helped ME at least lmfao. now i play regularly much less stressed/angry abt it. ymmv.

#anonymous #mod yoshi #reply #dv roadmap #staff

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skyler10fic · 2 years ago

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Visibility

When Carol and Daisy try to get involved in a cliquish corporate LGBTQ group full of gossipy gatekeepers and walking queer stereotypes, Daisy teaches them a lesson in queer inclusion and decides to bring more bi visibility to work.

Trigger warnings for office diversity and equity group social dynamics and measuring up to their standards of queerness. IYKYK haha

Read on Ao3

Submitted for @ficwip Tiny Ship Fleet Fest!

—--------

Traveling back from a work trip on the Sunday after Thanksgiving was hell. The busy airport was draining Carol of the last bit of her energy. The noise and lights and stress of travel grated on her nerves as she rolled her suitcase toward the exit. At least she was on her way home. The train would take half an hour, and then a bit of a walk from there, but at the other end, Daisy would be getting home from work around the same time she arrived.

Her Stark Industries coworker, Lee, had been sitting next to her on the plane and walked alongside her through the terminal. They offered to drive Carol home so she could surprise her wife by being home earlier than anticipated.

It’s only been six months since the wedding, so Carol still thrilled at people calling Daisy her wife. Carol gratefully agreed, and they crossed through the hallway outside the bounds of airport security. But when she looked up, those plans were no longer necessary. There, in the open area on the other side, was her beautiful Daisy, looking anxiously for her in the crowd.

Carol beamed and waved, and Daisy’s smile bloomed at she saw her.

“There you are,” Daisy said as she wrapped her in an embrace that relaxed Carol immediately. All the tension and noise of the airport and poorly timed travel faded as she held Daisy once more.

“I missed you so much,” Carol said and kissed her. “Exactly the surprise I needed today.”

Lee spotted them. “I guess you won’t be needing a ride, then.” They winked and waved goodbye, thanking Carol one more time for her contributions on their work project, before disappearing into the crowd.

“The drive home might take a while,” Daisy warned. “Traffic is pretty bad. Do you want to stop somewhere for dinner first?”

“Yeah,” Carol agreed, just now noticing her hunger since Daisy mentioned it. “Maybe it will clear up by the time we’re done.”

A cold rain had started in the time Daisy had been inside the airport, so they opted for a nearby pho chain. The cozy, quiet restaurant and warm broth did wonders to restore Carol, so she was ready when Daisy asked how the trip had gone. They had texted and shared a few brief goodnight calls throughout the week, but Daisy wanted the real, full debrief.

“I, uh, I think this contract is going to work out,” Carol answered, nodding as she stirred her soup. “They seem to be really on board.”

Daisy furrowed her brow. “Why do you say it like a funeral announcement?”

Carol sighed. “Everything about these guys pissed me off. They were constantly talking over us and only listened when we said things came from Rhodey or from Tony himself. They made jokes about Pepper being too hot to be president of a company. One saw my ring and asked if my husband was okay with me being away so much. Another hit on the waitress in every restaurant. It was gross and weird, but they really liked the project and are willing to put millions into it, so we did what we were there for.” She shrugged, resigned to the situation.

“God, that sucks. I’m sorry.”

Carol felt a twinge of guilt for complaining, a feeling that was becoming familiar over the last few days. “Honestly, I had it pretty easy. Lee, though...” Carol shook her head. “I don’t know how they kept things so professional. They were constantly misgendered the whole time. They kept correcting these guys, but it didn’t matter. I was furious for them, but they said it happens all of the time, even back at the office.”

“That’s awful!” Daisy scowled. “I had no idea.” The waiter came by the refill their drinks and check on them, giving Carol time to watch the same guilt she was feeling come over Daisy.

Carol took a sip of her soup and then said out loud what she’d been wondering. “Maybe we need to get involved. At work.”

“Involved how?”

“There’s a group, an advocacy group, that meets at lunch. Lee told me that some of the group can be intense, but it is trying to make changes like this. We could help.”

“Okay. Let’s do it.”

Knowing that Daisy was with her on this lifted Carol’s spirits further. A miserable week away—working through and traveling over a holiday weekend—was ending with something positive after all. They couldn’t solve all of the prejudice in the world, but at least they could raise some awareness and help their fellow queer coworkers feel heard and supported. Sure, coming out and marrying Daisy had cost Carol her already-strained relationship with her parents, but she had had it comparatively easy professionally. Aside from some heteronormative assumptions and industry-standard sexism, of course. But she had handled those all her life. In a company with corporate Pride events, in a diverse part of the city, in a liberal state, the homophobia she encountered in recent years had been mostly confined to rude comments and awkward social interactions. She’d never had to do the work her nonbinary and trans colleagues had to do, and what was worse, until now she’d never been all that aware of what they were up against even in a comparatively safe part of the country. But down in a red state in a conservative STEM bro enivronment, seeing Lee’s courage challenged her. Especially knowing Lee faced it back home in their own “welcoming” office as well.

Carol resolved to chat Lee at work on Monday and ask both how she could help and how she could support Lee personally in their project with these contractors. She wasn’t optimistic they would see much change, much less an apology, but the important part was that Lee knew they weren’t alone.

—----------

Daisy fully supported Carol’s good intentions, but the reality turned out to be that the advocacy group’s December meeting fell on a day Carol and Lee had a follow-up video conference with the contractors and project leads. It was also a year-end pizza party celebrating all they had done that year, meeting in an unfamiliar maze of a building, which made Daisy feel even more awkward about going alone.

But, moved by Carol’s words and her own guilt at not being aware of the issues their own community faced within their company, Daisy went anyway. Free pizza, at least, she reasoned. Couldn’t go wrong there.

She mingled hesitantly, picking at her pizza slice while these coworkers who knew each other well chatted and laughed over inside jokes and ate their salads, hardly touching the pizza boxes on the table in the corner. Daisy couldn’t help but notice all the model-thin and beautiful white women and nonbinary 20-somethings who looked like they had stepped out of a fashion catalog.

“Hey, mind if I sit by you?” she greeted a few coworkers she recognized sitting at a conference table. They welcomed her politely but immediately turned away to continue their conversation.

One gay man she remembered from a company Pride video last year looked at her in curiosity. “This is your first time, isn’t it?”

Daisy smiled in relief that someone was no longer ignoring her. “Guilty! Sorry to just come for the party. We really do plan on getting involved in the next year.”

“We?” a woman from marketing with a stylish short haircut asked. But Daisy didn’t have time to answer. An enthusiastic man in a pale pink suit plopped down and started a conversation about some hot new show Daisy hadn’t seen. Decidedly shut out, Daisy slipped away to grab another slice of the neglected pizza.

“Daisy?” She turned around to see her former teammate at the next pizza box over. “It’s been a long time!”

“Wow, Dedra!” Daisy blinked and tried to recall the last time she’d heard from her. Daisy had been just a college intern when they’d worked together, and Dedra was a tall butch woman with a friendly voice but an intimidating amount of talent at the top of her field (and several hobbies). She led taught workshops at the major data privacy conferences, won various 55+ senior division athletic competitions, and had an office covered in photos of her Harley in gorgeous destinations all over the US and Canada.

“Didn’t expect to see you here,” Dedra said. “Not that you can’t be, of course, we’re open to all. Just surprised.”

“Yeah! Trying to get more involved,” Daisy explained. “I know I probably should have been around before. I honestly didn’t even know about any of this until last week.” She looked around at the room. She noticed a few were sneaking looks in her direction. Sure, it was hard to come into an established social group, but she saw how their tight friendships probably made them a force for good.

Dedra tilted her head. “And you got married since we last talked?”

Daisy showed off her ring proudly. “I did! Last June. I know, I know, a June wedding, very original,” she joked. “We literally went to Pride on our honeymoon. Well, accidentally. It is a long story.”

Daisy’s queer bonding humor fell flat as Dedra looked even more puzzled. Instead of asking to hear the story, Dedra asked, “Now, remind me, is your husband’s name Fitz? That guy in engineering and dev, right?”

Daisy nearly choked on a bite of pizza. “No,” she coughed. “No, Fitz is a friend, but he’s married to Jemma.”

“Oh!” Dedra handed her a napkin. “That’s right. Jemma was a medic for our Pride parade last year. My road trip girls and I rode our bikes in it. Well, regardless, we’re always grateful for ally involvement. You’re always welcome here.”

Daisy took a moment to process what Dedra meant, but by that point, Dedra was pulled into another conversation. Instead, Daisy returned to the long conference table and picked at the remaining bits of pizza on her plate. The people closest to her glanced at her but continued their conversation about social media influencers she had never heard of and queer in-group/out-group politics. She had to admit to herself, this party was not exactly what she hoped.

“So,” the marketing woman struck up a conversation with her again from across the table, “what made you want to come to our group? Digital or print?”

“Sorry?” Daisy pulled herself from her thoughts to focus on the question.

“It’s a bit of a competition,” the woman explained. “I did the digital promotion and Andy did the posters by the coffee stations. What was most effective for you? Or do you have like a gay kid or something?”

“Neither,” Daisy admitted. “I heard about it through my wife, who heard about it from her coworker, Lee?”

Daisy hoped mentioning Lee would be her ticket into this community, the way knowing a member of a club granted entrance into it. Alas, her attempt at bonding failed again.

“Wait.” The woman tapped the arm of the man next to her, and he turned around to pay attention, as did those next to him.

She didn’t take her eyes off Daisy, however. “Did you say your wife?”

“Yes?” Daisy noticed the group was staring with a bit too much interest, like they were hungry lions and she was their next gossip prey. One of the men left the group and whispered to another, who came over.

“We had a little debate if you were one of us or not,” the marketing woman explained. “But I knew it. Allies never shut up and you’ve hardly said a word.”

“But,” one of the younger men of the group spluttered, “she doesn’t LOOK like a lesb—”

“Okay,” Daisy sighed and got up from the table. She was done with this clique and their speculations and assumptions. She raised her voice to the room. “Hi. Hi everyone. My name’s Daisy, and I’m bisexual.” She realized it sounded a bit like she was joining Alcoholics Anonymous, so she added, “My wife came home from a meeting with some contractors recently who treated our nonbinary coworker with disrespect, and they said it was normal here at the office too, and we just wanted to do something to help. They said you guys did that kind of work here. So. That’s why I came.”

The room stared at her as her speech ran out of steam. Some of them started clapping hesitantly, unsure if she was done or if this was a round of introductions of some sort. Daisy felt her face grow hot and the only thing she could think of to do was get out. She waited a bit, hoping someone would reassure her she was in the right group, but eventually they all returned to their conversations. Time seemed to resume after being frozen. She threw away her pizza plate and walked out, heart racing and breath shallow after that experience.

She didn’t get far before Dedra caught up with her. “Oh Daisy, I’m so sorry.”

“It’s fine, you didn’t know,” Daisy dismissed. She took deep breaths to get her emotions in check.

“They can be a tough crowd, but they really do some good work when they aren’t butting into each other’s personal business for entertainment.” Dedra rolled her eyes in frustration. “Don’t let them get to you, though. You’re right. That’s what this is supposed to be about. Helping each other.”

Daisy stopped in an empty hallway before she got herself lost in the labyrinthine building. “How can I if all people can talk about is if I look queer enough to be ‘one of them’? I mean, I’m bi, I get this isn’t just me having this problem, but I guess I thought—”

Dedra smiled kindly. “You thought marrying a woman would stop the erasure. Yeah, I get that.”

Daisy frowned. “You’re like the queen of butch. What, do they judge you for not being in a softball league?”

Dedra laughed and joked, “No, though I do have to be seen at the hardware store once in a while, just to keep up my street cred.” She winked and continued more seriously. “Daisy, my wife is very feminine and loves it. She had kids with her ex and she drives a minivan, and not a single person at the spa where she works would assume she’d be with someone like me if they didn’t know her. But she’s just as much a part of this community as I am. And you are. You don’t have to fit their ideas of ‘gaydar’ or who is enough to belong.”

Daisy rubbed her neck where tension had built. “Yeah, and it’s not even about me to begin with. Carol and I wanted to get involved because she saw our coworker facing stuff we never have and we realized we’d had it pretty easy here. And she’s had it harder than I have. My whole family supports us. I guess I just wanted everyone else to have that too, or at least not have it be a concern at work.”

Dedra placed a gentle hand on Daisy’s shoulder and looked down at her with empathy. “That’s admirable. But you also deserve that same support and community too. I have to say, a lot of people I think you’d like were missing today. Some trans, some asexual, some more bi folks. You’re not the only one who has felt uncomfortable with that dynamic.” She jerked her head toward the conference room where the party was breaking up. “Our meeting in January is more focused and will have a different tone. Maybe try it again? And bring your wife too. Maybe between you two and Lee and I, and several others in the group who feel the same way, we can make a real change around here.”

Daisy considered it. “I’ll talk to Carol. Maybe I’ll see you then.”

Dedra nodded and walked down the hallway toward the elevator to return to her office. Daisy faced her next challenge: how to get out of this building and back to her own.

—----------

Carol’s heart sank as Daisy recalled the story for her that evening as they waited for their dinner to cook.

“I’m so so sorry.” She leaned against the counter and covered her mouth in horror as Daisy paced the kitchen.

“Dedra says we should go back, but I don’t know. Do you think she’s right that we can really make a difference there?” Daisy paused and checked the roasting pan in the oven.

Carol tried to stay focused on the question instead of the way Daisy’s butt looked bending over in those pants.

“Oh, we’re going back,” Carol insisted. Daisy stood up and walked over to Carol, who pulled her close. “I have some ideas.”

Daisy raised an eyebrow. “Be nice. Some of these people hold a lot of power in the office.”

Carol laughed. “I didn’t mean anything like that. You’ll see.”

Daisy parted her lips to ask for more details of this plan, but Carol used the opportunity to kiss her and they stayed distracted by each other until the oven timer beeped.

—--------

The next day, Daisy had a meeting just after lunch. Carol waited until she knew Daisy would be out of her office and snuck in, even using the back stairs so she wouldn’t walk past the glass conference room the meeting was in. It felt very spy-like until one of Daisy’s coworkers said hi casually.

“Sorry, I think Daisy’s in the big meeting.” He pointed down the hallway. “But they should be done in another hour.”

“Oh, no, it’s fine.” Carol held up the plastic bag she was carrying. “I just have something to drop off for her.”

“Aw, bringing her lunch. That’s sweet.” He held up his empty coffee mug. “Off for a refill. See you later.”

Carol looked around to make sure no one else was coming and closed the door to Daisy’s office behind her.

Taking items out of the bag one by one, she replaced Daisy’s company-issued pen holder with a sparkly rainbow-handled mug they never used at home because metallic paint kept it from being microwave safe. Once all the pens and such were inside, she placed a small bi flag in it and adjusted it to stick out just right, then admired her work. Carol drew a heart on a notepad and wrote her name after it. She never wore lipstick except on the most formal of occasions, but she’d do anything for Daisy, so she sighed and applied a thick layer before pressing her lips to the piece of paper. It wasn’t bad, actually. Not quite like the movies, but definitely kiss-shaped.

She left the note in front of the pen-holding mug and moved their wedding photo on Daisy’s desk next to it. Before she left, she checked the decorative mirror on the wall and used a tissue to wipe the remaining smudged lipstick off her lips.

She closed the door behind her so Daisy would see it before other random passersby and could choose to keep the little display or not. She thought about texting her there was a surprise waiting but didn’t want to interrupt her meeting. The closed door would be a tip-off that something was up.

Carol prayed she was making the right call. She knew Daisy better than anyone and was fairly certain it would make her smile. As far as she knew, everyone on the team who might come into Daisy’s office was well aware of their marriage, from those who had merely seen the photo on her desk to a few who had even been at their wedding. Still. Daisy should see it first and be the one to decide.

She heard Daisy’s voice from down the hall: “Yeah, I’ll grab it and be right back.”

Carol ducked around the corner and hid out of sight.

Daisy paused when she saw her door shut, but then opened it and went inside. After a few nervous seconds for Carol, Daisy laughed.

“Lashawn!” she called to the man Carol had talked to earlier. “Come look at this.”

Lashawn peeked into Daisy’s office and laughed too. “I saw her in here earlier. I thought she was bringing you lunch. I was so jealous.”

“You mean you’re not jealous of my mug?” Daisy teased, standing in her doorway.

“That is adorable,” he admitted. “It’s even got your little ugly flag in it.”

“Uh, my flag is gorgeous, thanks.” Daisy defended. Then she called down the hall in Carol’s direction. “You going to let him talk to your wife like that?”

Carol poked her head out around the corner. “Hi.”

Daisy laughed. “Thank you for the surprise.”

“You like it?” Carol came out of her hiding place and walked toward them. “How did you know I was there?”

“Superpowers.” Daisy shrugged. “And I saw your reflection.” She tapped the glass of the window in the office door.

“Ahhh.” Carol nodded. “Caught me.”

“And yes, I like it. Was this your idea from last night?”

“That and being insufferable newlyweds at the next advocacy group meeting.”

Lashawn chuckled. “Y’all are too cute. I can’t handle it. Bye, Carol.” He returned to his office, leaving them in the hallway outside Daisy’s door.

“I really have to get back to my meeting. I just came back for this report.” Daisy dipped back into her office and grabbed a file. “See you tonight.”

She looked around to make sure the coast was clear and pecked a kiss to Carol’s lips. Office PDA was frowned upon, but no one was watching anyway to be bothered by it.

That afternoon, Carol tried to stay focused on her complicated equations and research but then a text came in.

DAISY: “Keep the lipstick. I have an idea for tonight.”

The text was followed by four emojis: a wink, a lipstick stain, a bed, and the three water drops.

Sexting at work was even more frowned upon than PDA, so Carol simply responded with the overheated red face emoji, the lipstick emoji, and the heart-kiss-blowing face emoji.

How Carol was supposed to focus on work with visions of Daisy covered in lipstick stains dancing through her head, she didn’t know. Luckily, she only had a few hours at the office left to go.

—--------

After the meeting, Daisy tried focusing on her email inbox, but her eyes kept floating to the note Carol had left. She finally slipped it into her desk drawer where it would be safe and not tempt her to think about her plans for the night.

“Hi there!” The cheery greeting from Linda the office admin made Daisy jump. She turned in her chair to face the woman at her door.

Linda continued, “Do you happen to know my stapler might have hopped off to? No worries if it took a little trip in here, just trying to locate it and bring it on home.”

“No, sorry. Hope you find it though.”

“Thanks, sweetie. Hey, can I ask, what is that for?” Linda pointed to Daisy’s bi flag.

Daisy was prepared for this inevitability of being more visible and responded, “It’s a Pride flag, like the rainbow one, you know? This one is specifically for bisexuality.”

“Oh? Huh. Okay. Okay.” Linda seemed to be having a revelation so Daisy gestured to the chair next to her desk. Linda sank down into it. “I have a 15-year-old,” she began. “I’ve been seeing that symbol on her things lately. It started with a button, then a patch on her backpack, then a T-shirt with a cat with those colors.”

Daisy listened as Linda shared. “Has she said anything to you about it?”

“No, I tried to ask, but I may not have had the best approach. I hadn’t dreamed it would be a, uh, Pride-y thing.” Linda blushed a bit. “I was worried it was some sort of drug symbol, so I might have offered to get her help with whatever it was, or if there was any pressure that her friends were putting on her... Now I realize that sounds, well. But you know me, I’d never! It’s just they are always warning us to watch for the drugs. If I’d known, I would have been happy for her, honestly.”

“Ohhh. Yeah.” Daisy grimaced. Still unsure of how to handle Linda’s regrets, she encouraged, “You should tell her you have a coworker who is bi and ask her again. She may not be ready to talk about it, but at least let her know you’re not going to try to change her and that you’re accepting.”

Linda nodded and swallowed. In a small voice, she asked, “This is so embarrassing, Daisy. But I’d rather ask you than put that on my kid coming out to me. What does bi, uh, bisexual, mean, exactly?”

Linda’s earnest desire to be a supportive parent, albeit a clueless one, shone through her vulnerability. So Daisy took a deep breath and answered.

“Well, mostly it means that someone is attracted to more than one gender. So for me, sure, I had crushes on boys, but I also discovered in high school that I like girls too. At first, I was so scared, but my parents assured me that it was okay. They didn’t love me any less if I dated girls, and dating boys wouldn’t make them love me more. Whoever I bought home was welcome regardless of their gender. And then in college, I met Carol.” She picked up their wedding photo and showed Linda. “But, even married to a woman, I’m still bi. And she supports that. Clearly.”

Daisy picked up the little flag as evidence. She waved it playfully at Linda, who took it and contemplated it a bit. She handed it back to Daisy, and Daisy stuck it back in her rainbow mug.

Linda leaned in and whispered, “I haven’t told anyone this, but I did wonder if my daughter had a crush on her best friend. She mentioned the other day if they didn’t have boyfriends in the spring, they should go to prom together, but that’s so far away! And the way that she looks at her friend too, it makes sense now.”

Daisy felt like she was getting somewhere. “There you go, maybe she does and maybe she doesn’t. But I know from experience, having parents who were there for me through all of it made all the difference.”

Linda took a deep breath and stood up. “Thank you, Daisy. This meant a lot.”

“Sure thing. Good luck! With that, and with the stapler.”

“Oh! Right.” Linda had completely forgotten about the stapler by now. She jerked her thumb to the door. “I better go find that. Two dozen conference registration forms to send out before the end of the day.”

Linda bustled out of Daisy’s office and down the hall, stopping briefly at each office.

Daisy sent an amused look to her bi flag. “You are doing your job, I’ll give you that.”

The office heating system came on, fluttering the flag. Daisy, however, imagined it was a wave of pride.

—----------

While there was great satisfaction and pleasure in covering Daisy’s body in evidence of her kisses, and Carol was mutually rewarded in turn, the grand finale of the week’s saga wasn’t limited to giving Carol a sexy use for her previously neglected lipstick.

On Friday night, they headed out on the town for their friend Piper’s birthday at a queer dance club.

“Aw, there’s the old married couple now,” Piper called as she spotted them. “Get these two some drinks.”

Carol had to admit, the old married couple comment wasn’t far off. If it hadn’t been Piper’s birthday, they probably would have canceled to spend the night in, recovering from the last two weeks. Carol was already looking forward to tomorrow, a simple, quiet Saturday in with just the two of them. For the night, though, they were good friends who brought a gift and a card and their readiness to party the way Piper wanted.

As the night dragged on, the alcohol flowed, the music entranced them, and the dancing in the club grew decidedly more sensual. Carol had to admit, now that she was out on the floor with Daisy dirty dancing against her, she was glad they had come to the party. A dude behind Carol tried to grab her hand and entice them to dance with him.

“No thanks,” she shouted over the music and brushed him off. “I’m with her.” She pointed to Daisy, who wrapped her arm around Carol’s lower back possessively.

“Mine,” Daisy claimed with a naughty smile. Carol captured her lips before they resumed dancing. When they did, Carol had the sensation of someone staring at them. She was afraid it was going to be the man, but it was an entirely different group at the edge of the dance floor. Fine, if they wanted a show, Carol would give it to them. If they were shocked by queer couples, they were in the wrong club. She let her ring-clad left hand slip down to Daisy’s butt, and Daisy rolled against her in time with the music.

Some of those staring gestured with their drinks in Carol and Daisy’s direction as they talked amongst themselves. Another pulled out their phone and took a picture when they thought Carol wasn’t looking. This was clearly personal. Carol stopped dancing and Daisy turned to follow her gaze.

“Oh my GOD,” Daisy sighed in exasperation.

“Do you know them?” Carol shouted.

“YES.” Daisy rolled her eyes and pulled Carol off the dance floor toward the group. When they arrived at the gawkers, Daisy greeted them with fake enthusiasm, “Hey! Good to see you guys. We just met the other day. I’m Daisy, remember?”

“Is this your wife?” one of the gay guys who hadn’t believed her asked in awe.

Carol showed him her ring but kept the other arm firmly across Daisy’s shoulder.

“Is this gay enough for you?” Carol shouted as the music crescendoed.

“What?” the guy shouted back.

“Is this gay enough for you?!” she shouted louder just as the music dropped out completely.

The club went wild, thinking it was a party cry. Someone shouted back, “Say it again!” The DJ complied from the mic, “Is it gay enough in here tonight for you, Club Q-ties?!”

The subsequent screaming made it hard to hear anything else. Daisy was laughing, which made it worth it, but Carol was still mad at how the group had treated her wife at their meeting. She and Daisy walked away from their rude coworkers, and they returned to Piper’s table to say goodnight and grabbed their coats. As they reached the exit, a few of the advocacy group members followed. In the quieter night air, they spoke up.

“Hey, we just wanted to say sorry,” one of them started, “for, well, everything tonight and the other day.”

“When we saw you two tonight,” another, one of the youngest, spoke up, “we realized how dumb it was that we were trying to guess who you were based on how you looked at work. Obviously, like it’s work, so…” The sentence hung in the air unfinished, but they got the gist of where it was going.

“Here’s the thing, though,” Daisy replied, “I’d still be queer even if I married a guy. You know that, right? I’d still be bi. Maybe some people you assume are ‘just allies’ are actually part of the community too. Maybe you don’t know their gender based on their work style. Or maybe they are bi or pan or ace or whatever. You see people all the time and just assume…”

Carol noticed a small audience was forming of people leaving the club stopping to listen to Daisy’s speech.

“Being part of this community isn’t about a haircut or what influencers you follow or living up to some bullshit stereotypes or trends that are going to change in a year anyway. We have to support each other as our whole selves. And that means those of us who aren’t just white. Or those who aren’t skinny or don’t look gay on the outside.”

Some of the crowd that had gathered clapped and a plus-sized Black woman said, “Yes, preach!”

The coworker group had learned their lesson and apologized again before heading back into the club. The rest of the crowd turned to listen to the Black woman, who continued where Daisy had left off. Carol and Daisy stayed for a while agreeing with those discussing, but the December night air chilled them to the bone. Eventually, they waved goodnight as the crowd grew and the discussion got drunker and more passionate. “EGG-ZACTLY!” someone shouted and hiccuped loudly. Carol and Daisy giggled as they walked away.

“Oh my god, what a week,” Daisy exhaled as they rode the subway home, leaning on Carol, who held her close.

“I think you were wonderful,” Carol mumbled into Daisy’s hair.

“This is all your fault,” Daisy teased. “You and your damn good heart.” She patted Carol’s chest a little too low.

“Me? You’re the activist one now. You could be the next influencer. Maybe it will be your article they are all gossiping about, hm?”

Daisy snorted. “I don’t know about that. I am pretty happy just being me.”

“I love you being you.” Carol emphasized the “love,” so it was directly in response to Daisy’s “me.”

“I love you too,” Daisy replied happily and cuddled in close to her wife’s side. At one of the stations, a busker played “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas,” and Daisy remembered how gay used to mean happy. If there was one thing they were good at by now, Daisy mused, it was making the yuletide gay, in both meanings of the term.

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