#outside of contracted hours to get projects done on time

[wizardlyghost]

fuckin. i thought i was done with the "agonizing over career choices" part of job hunting when i submitted a resume, but out of goddamn nowhere another apprenticeship opportunity has fallen right into my lap. with applications closing tomorrow. so now on this day when i am so very exhausted i have been launched straight into the incredibly stressful business of asking myself what i want. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

[publishinggoblin]

What Makes Confluence New?

Right now on Backerkit, Confluence: The Living Archive is in its final 11 days of funding. This is a Table Top Role Playing Game unlike any other, but not just for the reasons you might think.

Look, yes, it's a 6 book set with incredible art and layout and an amazing world to explore. This is all true. It's a true living world you get to dive into and experience at the table. That's great, truly!

But the thing that made Confluence different from any other project out there that I've ever heard of, is that in this industry, freelance writing for TTRPGs pays pennies on the word you turn in.

Some people were recently talking about how 10 cents per word is pretty good! You write 5000 words for a project? That's a nice $500. Other indie people were talking about paying 7 cents per word. But what they almost never offer is hourly pay, or pay for work you do outside the writing (including researching the game material you're writing for, or research for what you're writing!)

The Confluence Contract

Confluence has always meant the world to me. Truly. I tried to fund it and make it on my own multiple times in the past. When the Alleyman's Tarot was successful, I immediately wrote the contract with my lawyer for Confluence.

Everyone who worked on the project would make $25/hr for any work they do on the project. We would all feel we had equal pull and power here in that way, as it had to be collaborative.

Everyone would be paid an up-front Retainer of $10,000 if they were going to work part time, or $20,000 if they were going to work 30 or more hours a week. This was to alleviate current financial stress and give them space to explore the game with more freedom.

Everyone who worked on the project would share ownership with things they make. New cool mechanic? It lives in Confluence AND the creator can take it to their own games later. Awesome NPC? In Confluence and can be adapted anywhere else! I didn't want anyone to hold anything back. As far as I know, this has never been done before.

I did all this because, you see, I had an amazing team of people who came together to help bring this to life. People in the US, yes, but in Canada, the UK, Brazil, India, the Philippines. You can learn more and get links to them on the Pub Gob website here!

Do You Expect This to be the New Standard?

No, I don't expect all indie publishers to start doing this for TTRPGs. It's costly and not easy. But I want to stress that this is a unique situation we will likely never see again. And Confluence can only exist into the future with such an amazing team if we can step up support on the crowdfunding project!

This experiential game doesn't want to change the industry, but it changed the process behind the scenes already. If you believe in such a thing, a possibility for people to be paid fairly and have equal say and keep the rights for their works, consider believing in this project with us. Confluence needs your help to reach its funding goal, but it also needs your help to push further so the team can continue working in this amazing space to bring you even more materials in the future!

So check us out on Backerkit today!

[blackbackedjackal]

I was the one who started the server and founded the studio. I invited DogBlud to the server.

I was an investor on the project, quoted a total of $5200 out of the full $13,600 on a website that DogBlud commissioned Angela and her team to make.

One of the first red flags I noticed as an investor was that DogBlud never patched me through to Angela and her team. She said she would after I read over and agreed to the contract that Angela wrote up, but she never did. She promised to add me and Rex to a server with Angela so we could keep up to date with the progress. This never happened.

I messaged DogBlud several times about my payments. My first one was due February 12th. I didn't know where to send the funds and brought it up with her several days before. It was around this time that I suspected she was hiding me away from Angela and her team, and now I know why.

According to Angela's own account, DogBlud is saying she invited ME to the project. Which is a blatant lie. So let's go ahead and add taking credit for space a Black woman created, a space that was predominantly women of color (DogBlud being the ONLY exception) to the pile.

Dog was not the "group leader". She was tasked with being an investor, my business partner/consultant, a writer, and an inker. Since we agreed to start on her project, Same As Always, first, I asked her to be a project manager so that she could tell us the art direction she wanted us to take. She was asked to do these things, by me, the studio founder and lead who was working on contracts, setting up meetings with lawyers/other investors and participants, researching for and planning a KickStarter campaign that was intended to help us raise more money for the studio, set up an LLC for the studio, be a character/writing consultant, cultural consultant, art director, colorist, and more.

The reason I "wasn't able to hit my deadlines" is because A. She made completely unrealistic deadlines on a project that I and Rex were under the impression was volunteer work since none of us were getting paid. We agreed to this because we knew that a lot of work needed to be completed before the site launched.

B. Because I was in the process of moving (a move that DogBlud encouraged me to do due to my horrid living situation at the time) and did not have access to my PC for certain working hours that was had agreed to. I was working consistently on the off-hours to make up for any scheduled time I missed (my art updates were posted in the server) and kept the team updated with my moving situation. I assured Dog that once I was done moving, I'd be on a proper schedule. My move was delayed and complicated due to external factors outside of my control. After about a week and a half into what was a three week process, Dog either stopped acknowledging my updates in the chat or said that she "wasn't happy" with me even though she was harassing me and pressuring me to work on pages nearly every day when I physically could not work on them.

[gerec]

For the past couple of weeks I've been part of a small team responsible for the logistics of a prestigious competition/event; last night was the formal Awards Banquet where we were served an amazing dinner catered by one of the city's best restaurants. During the breaks where we weren't running the show/working, I had a very long and in-depth conversation with a young colleague who's worked on this project all the way from the beginning planning stages (i.e. as far back as Feb/Mar this year). She shared her disappointment with the lack of acknowledgement that she's gotten from the agency's management for all the long hours and hard work she's poured into this project, and also the incredible frustration over the poor treatment she's getting from the same. For instance, she flew in from out of town, but because she's contracted to work 4 out of 5 days a week they're not paying her for today's travel day back home (which if you don't know is standard practice for event management - travel time is part of the job). This is just one of a long list of examples she shared with me.

The good news is, she's already decided to quit at the end of her contract (which is soon), but she still had some misgivings about doing so; like asking herself what, if anything, she could have done differently, and feeling like she failed because this is her first job out of uni and she couldn't make a longer go of it. For the record, she's an absolute delight and a superb employee - and if I were in a position to hire staff I would hire her in a heart beat. (Also she's been full time for a year and part time for 2 before that so...she's absolutely not leaving without giving it a go.)

I guess I'm sharing this story because there might be young people like her out there who need to hear what I told her last night. So here goes:

Yes, work can be frustrating and can suck - badly - at times, but you should not hesitate to leave any job where you're crying on a regular basis because of how stressful it is and how badly you're treated.

Yes, you should leave a job where your manager berates you regularly, or sends you emails on weekends/outside of work hours to berate you. If they have an issue with your performance, they should explain what you're doing wrong and help you or give you the tools to do it properly not just yell at you. I know this happens a lot (sadly) but also know that this is NOT normal and NOT something you simply have to suffer in silence over. You have every right to expect to be treated fairly, courteously and professionally at work.

Yes, you should leave a job where people take advantage of you and don't pay you for the hours you work. I read a lot about Gen X and Boomers lamenting the Gen Z's for not being good workers because they're not willing to put in the blood sweat and tears to hang on to their jobs but I'm Gen X and I say that's BULLSHIT. A) Not every Boomer/Gen X feels that way, and B) Employers, no matter how nice they are as people, or how much you might like them will absolutely take advantage of you and SCREW YOU if they can. You can and should fight for your every goddamned hard-earned/well deserved dollar because no one else will do it for you. Same goes for your career - you are the only one you can rely on to make the best decisions for you.

So why am I working with these guys? Well, I'm a freelancer (I'm a Marketing Consultant) currently going project by project so I have the freedom to say no to any job I don't want to take and also to walk away the minute it no longer suits me to continue the relationship. I've also been at this for 28 years, so I imagine there's a bit of reverse ageism going on because they know they can't pull the same crap with me. (So there you go, this one time in this one instance, being older helps lol).

Anyways, the job market is rough, many employers are appallingly rude to job seekers (ask me about ghost job postings some time UGH) and people can be dicks (water is wet ha). Just...know your own worth and don't feel bad about leaving something if it's not working - you owe loyalty to no one but yourself.

[zymruk]

Can you stop? [Shang-Chi x Reader]

AN: I received this request and honestly thanks for asking me to write it. I don't know how much it's gonna take me to write it, but I'll try. sorry for any grammar mistakes

Y/A/N: Your agency's name

Warning: none, really.

Synopsis: Shaun wasn't always a door guy. He used to work as a bodyguard.

I'm probably gonna follow up with a one-shot

It was Tuesday third of October, when you woke up to the sound of pounding at your door. It took you a while to remember the cause of the noise. You had an appointment today for a promotional ad for some cream. And judging by the time you were late.

"Come on Y/N, you don't want another one of Lelie's scoldings!" Said Shawn outside your door. Shawn was the bodyguard you'd gotten since the renewal of your contract at Y/A/N. The previous one had just closed down, so you were in dire need of a new one, fortunately, Les still wanted you as a client. The both of you, then, decided on holding your own fort. Still, you needed a bodyguard, the previous one had been hired by someone by the time you'd found a compromise with Les. Coincidentally, Shawn had all the qualifications, thus, was hired.

Leslie was your agent. She could be a bit cranky on bad days, but the worst ones were when you were late to your appointments. And you were. In less time than you planned, you had been showered, dressed and ready to go. After all, you would change once again at the shooting set when you' would 'd arrive. The clothes you were supposed to be wearing already picked out by dear Leslie.

"Thanks. I think I forgot to put on my alarm." You turned to Shawn, whom had already bought you coffee. You would need it today. Not only did you have to shoot an ad, later in the day you were needed at the inauguration of a theater funded by the Stark Relief Foundation.

You'll smile, take pictures for two hours and even go through four more hours watching a documentary on the creation of the Stark industries. Apparently, the theater director had insisted on it being projected during the inauguration, though many had wanted to watch something else. Thanks to Leslie, however, you wouldn't suffer alone, as she'd been able to snatch another ticket for Shawn. He would watch the terribly long documentary with you. Not that he really had a choice. I mean, he was paid to do it.

Now in the car, going to the set location, you couldn't help but get lost in the sights of the road. You often didn't have the time to stop and admire what was around you. More often than you'd want, you needed to be at ten places at the same time. It was tiring, but, like everybody, you had a job to do and your mouth to feed. Also, your job wasn't as terrible as it could've been. You were lucky. You had, comfortably, a thing that few could claim and, money. In terms, you couldn't really complain.

"What are you thinking about?" Shawn's voice took you out of your reverie. He was looking at you through the rearview mirror. You'd almost forgotten him with how quiet he'd been.

"Everything and nothing at once. Why?" Now that he was looking at the road again, you could observe him without any restraint. He was a handsome young man, the same age as you if you were not mistaken, maybe a bit older. But handsome, no less. He'd seen a lot of things with you in this one year of 'partnership'. He'd protected you from weirdos trying to break into your changing rooms, had shielded you from someone trying to snatch you at a signing event.You'd been vulnerable with during this year, he'd seen you break down more times than you could count and still found it in himself to be comprehensive about it. You were safe with him, so much so that you'd considered him an ally; a friend, if you will.

¸

Once the shooting was done, you two were on your way back to your hotel, where you'd go back to your respective rooms and change clothes. You were given a y/f/c garment that complimented your body in the best of ways. You could thank Leslie and the stylist she'd gotten you for that. Though you weren't feeling the event as much as you should've, you still felt better knowing you wouldn't be alone. Shawn would be with you.

"Hey, are you ready?" You could hear his voice outside your door as you were staring at your reflection.

"Yeah, I'm coming." You were content with the way you looked. Plus, you wouldn't stay all night. After the screening, or during, you'd find a way to take your leave without anyone noticing. You had faith in that.

Once out of the room, you almost bumped with him, by how close he was to the entrance. The suit he was wearing was remarkably perfect in him. It was as if he was the one blessed by a fairy or something. Also, it was worth noting that his faced had been done. Probably Leslie and her need for every picture to be perfect. You were all the more enthralled by his eyeshadow.

Or rather, his eyes, to be more precise. Whomever Leslie had hired had truly mastered their craft. All in all, the makeup suited him, you'd go as far as to say it really complimented his face.

"Maybe we should get moving." He said, his voice above a whisper. You hadn't realized the two of you had been standing in this hallway for a while now. You didn't know what could've happened if anything had happened in the tiny moment.

"Yeah, definitely. Do you have any plans after tonight?" The words escaped your mouth before you could even hold them back. It was true that Shawn would be free later in the night. He'd be done with his shift. Elsa would take hers right after him. You didn't know why you needed a nocturn security guard; but Leslie knew what she was doing, you trusted her too.

"No, I was planning on watching a movie and falling asleep to it." You felt stupid for even asking the question, obviously the guy wanted to relax and chill after this day of running around.

"Do you have any plans for tonight?" You hadn't even gotten the time to engage with his answer that he'd already asked you a question.

"No, I'm probably gonna stay in my room late and wait for sleep to find me."

"Why don't we both watch a movie and fall asleep to it then?" You had to agree the suggestion was appealing. You wanted to have fun and maybe that would be the one fun thing you'd be doing this week. In less than a minute you'd made your mind.

"Yeah, sure. Did you have movie picked out already?" The both of you had already taken the direction of your room. It was in all honesty the biggest of the two.

"Yeah, I had an inkling for ratatouille by scary movie is also kinda good." He'd say his hands in his pockets. You couldn't see it but her was smiling.

"I'm more of a scary movie type of gall." You said turning your head towards him as you were unlocking your room.

[waytooinvested]

Forgotten, Not Forgiven - Chapter 18

This and previous chapters are also on AO3

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lena stood as Kara ushered Nia inside, seeming unaware of the vibrating hum of tension her two guests were sharing as they prepared to set the stage for what needed to come next.

‘Come on in Nia! Look who dropped round to surprise me.’

Nia did a clearly fake double take and then waved like Lena might not have spotted her from a few paces across the room.

‘Oh hey Lena, what a cool coincidence!’

Lena smiled indulgently at the over-enthusiastic play of their ‘happening’ to be here at the same time. Despite how many secrets this little group kept, hardly any of them seemed to be able to lie convincingly, and it made her wonder yet again how she had ever been taken in. Maybe she should offer to give them all a Luthor crash course.

Then again… maybe not. They might be on their way to being proper friends, but teaching them how to lie to her more effectively was just asking for trouble.

‘Hello Nia, I hope you don’t mind me crashing your time with Kara like this. I just heard the news about your new contracts and thought I’d bring round some champagne to celebrate – would you like a glass?’

‘Oh that’s such a shame. I would love some, but actually Kara was going to help me practise some dream power stuff, and it will work best if we’re sober. If you don’t mind hanging out for a bit we could have some after though? Maybe with another movie night? I had a lot of fun last time – and of course you’d be welcome to join in the dream journey too if you’d like to.’

To avoid unexpected snags they had rehearsed how this interaction should play out ahead of time, and Lena knew her part as well as Nia. It felt strange to be putting on this level of performance for Kara – uncomfortably like lying, but they had no choice, Project Atlantis was too important to risk to chance.

‘Thank you for the offer, but I prefer not to dwell too much in my dreams, they can go to places I’d rather not to revisit in my waking hours if I can help it. If it’s okay with you both I would like to stick around and see how it’s done though – I’ve been curious about it for a while, from a scientific perspective, and it would be nice to have another hang out session afterwards. Would that be alright with you Kara?’

‘Of course! More Lena time is always alright with me. Won’t you get bored while Nia and I are dreaming though?’

‘Not at all. I have an excellent book on the go, and my tablet if I decide to be really virtuous and answer some work emails. I’ll barely notice the time passing.’

It was as simple as that. Lena was in.

She sat back down on the couch while Kara and Nia settled cross legged onto large throw pillows on the floor. Nia talked a bit about what she knew about how the dream powers worked, and what she was expecting to happen once they got started. Then Nia and Kara held hands and closed their eyes, and after a few seconds they both went still, their breathing syncing up as they entered whatever dream space Nia had led them to.

Honestly, she had kind of been expecting it to look more magical. Maybe glowing lights, the way Dreamer’s powers could be made to manifest when she fought, or some kind of mystical aura, or hum. But from the outside all there was to see was her two friends. It was a little like watching people meditate. Or nap sitting up.

Lena did her best to do as she had said she would and answer some work emails, in between periodic checks to make sure Kara still looked well. But she found that whenever she glanced down to her inbox, her mind filled with the image of Kara in their last Q-wave trial – the slow trickle of blood shockingly vivid against her skin – and she would immediately look back up at her, scrutinising for the slightest sign of anything going wrong. In the end she gave up on even the pretense of doing anything else, and simply watched Kara.

It was not exactly a hardship.

She tried not to let herself stare too openly at her best friend these days, lest it complicate things further than they already were, but now she was free to take her in without worrying about being caught, or making her uncomfortable.

And Kara was, quite simply, lovely.

Somehow she always seemed to be brighter than other people, as if she was permanently limned in the sunlight that gave her her powers, even now she couldn’t access them. Even when she was ducking her head and fidgeting with her cardigan sleeves and acting as if she didn’t want to be seen. Lena saw her.

Kara’s breath hitched.

It was subtle – the slightest stutter-step taking her out of time with Nia, but Lena was instantly on edge. Her instinct was to wake Kara immediately, but she knew it was too soon. The slight change could even be a good thing – a sign that something big was happening, that Kara was remembering. There was no blood, and no indication that this was necessarily a bad-

Kara went rigid, her head thrown suddenly back and a gasp ripping out of her that sounded like it was tearing at her lungs as the colour drained from her face in an instant and left her a scary shade of grey-white. Lena was beside her in two seconds flat, pulling her hands free from Nia’s and taking them in her own. They felt clammy, and her fingers stayed bent into stiff claws even as her limbs began to jerk against whatever she was experiencing in her mind.

‘Kara. Kara, darling, wake up. Come on, come back now, it’s alright. You’re home Kara, you’re safe, just open your eyes love.’

Kara’s eyes snapped open. They met Lena’s but didn’t seem to see her as she continued to gasp and jolt. Behind her Lena was aware of Nia coming round too, heard her quiet ‘oh my god…’, but didn’t spare her so much as a glance as she pulled Kara in against her chest, still whispering reassurances to her as she stroked her hair and rocked her gently back and forth.

‘You’re alright Kara, it’s over, you’re safe now. You’re home Kara, and I’m here, I’m going to look after you, I promise darling. I’ve got you Kara.’

She barely even registered her own words as she went on and on in this vein, but the soothing tone of her voice did seem to be getting through to Kara, as at last the strangled, wrenching gasps eased to mere panicked hyperventilations, and Kara’s hands unclenched from their claw-like curl to instead wrap around Lena’s forearms, as if she needed to hang onto her to keep her from leaving, or else to reassure herself that she was real. Her grip was painfully tight, but Lena wouldn’t have dreamt of trying to loosen it. Kara needed to hold something right now, and Lena would be her something.

‘Kara, I’m… I’m sorry, I never meant-’

Nia stuttered, sounding completely stricken, and now that the absolute worst was past Lena broke off her murmurings just long enough to reassure her.

‘It’s not your fault Nia, you couldn’t have known that this would happen. You should go home now though. Don’t worry, I’ll look after her, I promise. Will you please call Alex and let her know what happened? Tell her I’ll call her when I can to let her know how Kara is, but it might be late. Can you do that for me Nia?’

Nia nodded. She looked in shock and like she wasn’t sure if she wanted to stay and try to help, or run out of there to escape what had just happened. She was clearly upset, but Lena didn’t have time to worry about her right now. Nia had said she would call Alex, and she trusted the elder Danvers sister to give her whatever reassurance she might need.

Right now Lena’s only concern was Kara.

After what seemed like a long time, Kara’s tense muscles relaxed from jerky stiffness into slack trembling, and her silent shock dissolved into sobs. At last she released her fierce grip on Lena’s arms and instead shifted to wrap one arm around her in a loose embrace, her face burrowing down against Lena’s bare shoulder while her tears flowed freely. Now she wasn’t so rigid, Lena pulled her up gently to sit in her lap where she could hold her properly. She took Kara’s free hand and pressed it to her chest, right over her heart.

‘Do you feel that Kara? Focus on my heart. Count the beats, and try to breath when I breath, alright?’

She took a few slow deliberate breaths, allowing Kara to feel the rhythmic rise and fall beneath her palm.

‘I’m here. This is real. And you are safe now.’

Without looking up, Kara nodded against Lena’s now-wet shoulder, and pressed her palm a little more firmly against her skin.

They breathed together until Kara’s sobs subsided, and she had stopped shaking.

‘Thank you.’

‘Of course darling. How are you feeling now?’

‘Better. I didn’t know it was going to be like that though. Poor Nia. What an awful power to have.’

‘I don’t think it’s always as bad as that… do you want to talk about what happened?’

Kara sucked in a deep, shuddering breath, and Lena was sure she was going to say no, but she didn’t. She tucked herself more securely into Lena’s embrace, and started talking, her voice a little hoarse and with an odd hollowness that was not usually there, but steadier than could reasonably be expected after the intensity of her recent terror.

‘I actually really do. If I tell it then it’s just a story, it’s not as real.’

She stopped for a moment, gathering her words, and then plunged on like she was leaping off a cliff into an icy sea of memory, in the hopes of washing up on kinder shores.

‘To begin with it was a flying dream. That part was great – well, you can imagine. Nia said we should follow the source of the flying, and even though that doesn’t make any sense now I say it out loud, I knew what she meant, and I knew where to go. So we followed the source, and it led to this- wall I guess. But not like an ordinary wall – it was a huge black expanse that went on forever and didn’t seem to have a top, it just cut the world in two… I wanted to go back then, but Nia said we were close, and the source would be nearby, and I somehow knew she was right, so we kept following it and found this little hole. It was tiny, but Nia said that was the way to the source, and we should go through. I didn’t want to, but she thought it was important, so I tried.’

Kara broke off with a little shudder, but started up again before Lena had time to ask if she was alright, or if she needed a break.

‘The gap was so small I wasn’t even sure I could fit. I had to wriggle in on my belly, and I was scared I was going to get stuck, but by then I was too wedged in to back up properly even if I wanted to, so I thought if I just kept going I would get to the other side soon, and then I’d be wherever this source Nia kept talking about was, and I would have really helped her with her powers. Only it didn’t open up. I was just in this tiny tunnel that kept going for what seemed like miles, and it felt like it was getting tighter and tighter around me, like it didn’t want me in there and was trying to spit me back out, only I couldn’t get out because it was squeezing me so hard, and I couldn’t hear Nia anymore. I was completely alone.

And then... I wasn’t, and somehow that was so much worse. It was like I was back trapped in the car, only multiplied by about a million, and the Things trying to get to me were something so much more horrible than coyotes or wolves, they were… monsters, or demons, or something. I couldn’t see them, but I knew they were just a breath away from me in the dark, and that they really, really wanted to hurt me. I tried to move forwards to get away from them, but then the pain started. It felt like my skin was being seared off my bones, and my blood was full of nails that tore my heart to shreds with every pump, and I wanted to scream but my lungs were on fire and breathing hurt too much. I couldn’t move backwards or forwards anymore, I was just stuck there feeling all of it, forever. I was so, so alone, and everyone I loved was dead or dying and I couldn’t help them. And... you hated me Lena. I knew, somehow I knew that you hated me.’

Kara started crying again, but it was different this time. Less painful, tearing anguish and more cathartic, like she was washing out the lingering remains of her ordeal to leave a clean wound that could begin to heal.

Lena closed her eyes against the tears that welled there, refusing to let them fall when Kara so badly needed her to be strong. She buried her face into the golden waves of Kara’s hair and pressed a kiss to the top of her head instead, pouring all of the things she could not voice into the gesture before giving a more moderated response.

‘I don’t hate you Kara, I- nothing could be further from the truth. It sounds unimaginably horrific, but I promise you none of that was real. Everyone is safe. Alex is safe, and Nia and James, Winn, Kelly, Brainy, J’onn, Sam, Ruby, Eliza: no one you love is in any danger. You’re not in any danger. It’s all over, and you’re safe, alright?’

Kara sniffled and wiped her eyes.

‘I’m just so tired now. I feel like I’ve been fighting a battle for a year without stopping. I am so tired. But I don’t think I dare go to sleep, in case I go back there.’

‘How about if I stay with you? I’ll look after you, and if you show any signs of bad dreams – even just a murmur or a change in your breathing, I’ll wake you up, so you won’t be back there for more than a second.’

Kara hesitated.

‘I can’t ask you to do that.’

‘You’re not asking. And whatever happens I am not leaving you alone tonight. If you don’t want me to stay I’ll call Alex to come instead, but you need someone here with you.’

‘Well then… I’d rather it was you.’

Lena’s heart swelled at the quiet admission, and she gave Kara a gentle squeeze of acknowledgement.

‘Then I’ll stay... Do you happen to have some sweatpants and a t-shirt I could borrow though? It’s no problem if not, I can just stay in my clothes, but I didn’t exactly dress bed-time comfy tonight.’

To her surprise, Kara actually smiled then. It was just the barest tilt of lips, but it was unmistakably there, like a single ray of sunlight breaking through a mass of storm clouds, standing out all the more vividly for the darkness that had preceded it.

‘Yes. I actually have the perfect pajamas for you.’

The ‘perfect pajamas’, it turned out, consisted of a pair of pink pants patterned all over with paler pink and white blobs; and a soft white t-shirt with a matching pink trim and a printed image of two large anthropomorphised cartoon marshmallows, wearing sleepy smiles and holding stick-drawing hands beneath the words ‘you make me feel squishy’ in sugar-pink bubble writing.

Lena raised an eyebrow, and Kara flashed her an impish (if still slightly watery) grin in return.

‘Because you’re a marshmallow.’

‘Hmm.’

The pajamas were simultaneously so very much not Lena, and yet also kind of appropriate. Because Lena Luthor was absolutely not a marshmallow... Except when it came to Kara, maybe she kind of was.

Still, she couldn’t help feeling self-conscious as she emerged from the bathroom, makeup free and dressed in the sugary sweet outfit. She knew she looked silly, and childish in a way she rarely had even as an actual child (Lilian Luthor did not go in for cute when it came to choosing clothes for her offspring, and the only time Lena could ever remember wearing something with a cartoon print on it was the time in elementary school when Angela Howard had spilled chocolate milk over her at lunch and she had had to borrow a Tweety Pie t-shirt from the lost and found until the au pair had arrived with a fresh shirt), and as much as that shouldn’t matter right now, she instinctively crossed her arms over the picture on her chest as she stepped into the bedroom.

She was considering searching out a sweatshirt to at least cover up the top half, when Kara looked up from her comforter cocoon, took in Lena’s appearance, and let out a breath that seemed to carry half the weight of her nightmare away with it. Her tense shoulders lowered, the pinch between her brows smoothed, and she smiled with her eyes, the haunted look that had been lingering in them since the moment she resurfaced receding until it was almost eclipsed by something that Lena didn’t quite dare to name, but that made her cheeks warm until she was pretty sure they matched her pants.

‘You’re adorable.’

She cleared her throat and put her hands on her hips in unconscious imitation of Supergirl, realising a moment too late that she was no longer hiding the marshmallow print, and also that it didn’t matter.

‘I’ll have you know many people find me very intimidating.’

Kara ‘hmmm-ed’, her nose crinkling with feigned scepticism, and Lena let her arms drop to her sides, the last of her discomfort fading into insignificance under the influence of that sweet little scrunch.

Maybe she didn’t mind being adorable for Kara, after all.

She got into bed, having to edge up close to get any share at all of the blankets Kara had bundled herself up in, though she couldn’t say she minded that either. In other circumstances it might have felt dangerous to be here like this, in bed beside the woman she had been crushing on (and lusting over) practically since they’d met, who she absolutely could not cross that boundary with, but it didn’t. This wasn’t about that. It was about being here for her best friend after something awful had happened, and creating a safe space for her to sleep without fear. To that end they left the bedside lamp on in the hope that being able to see her surroundings would help keep Kara grounded; Lena made sure that water, tissues, and emergency post-panic chocolate supplies were all in easy reach (just in case); and then, after the slightest hesitation, she held out her arms in silent invitation.

She half expected Kara to shy away from the offer, despite the fact that she had spent most of the evening in Lena’s lap with her face burrowed into to the bare skin of her shoulder, but instead she snuggled into the embrace without so much as a flicker of her usual reserve. Apparently her ordeal had left her too wrung out to worry about whatever it was that normally made her hold back, and they slotted together as naturally and comfortably as if they did this every night.

After a few moments of quiet cuddling, Kara whispered into Lena’s neck:

‘Will you tell me something?’

‘Of course darling, what do you want to know?’

‘Just... anything. Tell me about what you’re doing at work at the moment. Something science-y that won’t leave room in my brain for anything else. I just want to hear your voice while I fall asleep.’

‘Alright. Well, I’ve been tinkering a bit with using ternary tetradymite films to optimise electron mobility in some of our spintronic devices this week – I could tell you about that if you like?’

‘Please.’

So Lena talked all about electron mobility and spintronics, going into more detail than she probably should have to explain her as yet unpublished process to create a flawless crystalline structure in the ternary tetradymite films, and then when Kara didn’t ask her to stop, moved on to describe the wearable thermoelectric devices she had started work on using the same technology, which would, with a little more work, efficiently convert waste body heat into electricity to power the wearer’s devices.

She made sure to keep her voice low and soothing as she stroked Kara’s back and let the words carry her away, until at last her breathing became slow and even, and the subtle change in her weight against Lena’s side let her know that she had fallen asleep.

Lena stayed like that for another few minutes, just holding Kara and stroking her back, until she was sure that she was both deeply asleep and not currently in the midst of any upsetting dreams. Then she eased herself up to a sitting position and reached for her phone.

It was almost 2am by this point, but she didn’t think Alex would mind.

Lena: Are you awake?

Alex: Of course I am. Call me.

Lena: I can’t, I’m still at Kara’s

Lena: she’s asleep but I promised I wouldn’t leave her alone in case she has nightmares. So I’m texting you.

Lena: I need to tell you what happened but I can’t Lulu code it so you need to delete these texts once you’ve read them

Alex: ok. Is Kara alright???

Lena: Physically she’s fine. Emotionally though...

Lena: It was BAD Alex.

Lena: I don’t think I’ve ever seen her like that. I have bruises from where she was clinging onto me just to try and ground herself in reality, and even then it was at least half an hour after she came out before she started to look like she really believed this world was the real one

Alex: Fuck

Alex: How is she now?

Lena: She seems calm now. By the time we came to bed she was acting more like herself, just exhausted. She might have some trauma to work through before she’s really ok though

Alex: Thank you for being there for her tonight

Alex: And thank god you suggested one of us should join the dream sessions. I’m not sure if Nia could have coped with that by herself

Lena: Did you speak to her? is she alright? I was so focused on Kara I just sent her home and told her to call you

Alex: Yeah, she called. She feels awful for what happened. I told her it wasn’t her fault and we talked for a bit, but the poor girl is still seriously shaken.

Lena: I’m not surprised, it was pretty intense. I’ll have to check in on her in the morning.

Alex: Speaking of which, are YOU ok?

Lena: I’m fine, mostly just worried about Kara

Alex: Are you sure? You said you have bruises???

Alex: Do you think it was a returning powers doesn’t-know-her-own-strength situation? Because that would at least mean something good came out of it.

Lena: I think it was a regular human strength abject terror disconnect from her surroundings situation.

Lena: Which is lucky because if she had had superstrength at that moment I would currently be in hospital getting titanium rods fitted to replace the bones I would no longer have in my forearms.

Alex: ouch

Alex: so the dream work was a total failure then

Lena: Maybe not entirely. Did Nia tell you what happened while they were in there?

Alex: as much as she could. She said once Kara went into the wall it was like she lost control – she couldn’t sense her anymore, and Kara didn’t seem to be able to hear her when she called. She tried to follow but the dream wouldn’t let her.

Lena: Kara told me what happened after that. And I understand now what the barrier Lex built is made of.

Alex: Wait you do?! Tell me!!!

Lena: it isn’t something artificial we can just remove to let the two sides come back together. If we break the barrier, we’re breaking part of Kara’s mind.

Lena: that’s why the Q-waves gave her a nose bleed, I think

Lena: and it’s why Kara’s own mind is fighting so hard to keep away from it

Alex: WHAT IS IT???

Lena: It’s her fear.

Lena: Lex has taken all Kara’s Kryptonian memories, and walled them off behind every terror that Kara Zor El or Supergirl ever faced. So to get the rest of her memories back she would have to overcome all of them at once

Lena: The phantom zone. The loss of her planet. Every moment of pain from every time she was poisoned with kryptonite. Every time someone she loved died or was in danger, EVERYTHING. All at once.

Alex: That sick bastard.

Alex: Lena, Kara has faced so much fear.

Lena: I know

Alex: If she knew why she needed to she might be able to do it. But how can we ever expect her to go back in there if we can’t tell her why she has to?

Lena: We can’t

Lena: not without finding some way to protect her from it first

Lena: that much agony all in one go could break her mind permanently

Beside her in the bed Kara stirred, a tiny frown creasing her forehead.

Lena: I have to go, but we will work on this more at the next PA meeting.

Lena: Don’t forget to delete

Lena cleared the text chain quickly from her own phone, and then turned to pull Kara back into her arms, stroking her hair and murmuring ‘shhh darling, it’s alright, you’re safe’, until Kara relaxed back into more restful sleep.

She was tired and feeling a little shaky herself after what had happened, whatever she had just told Alex, but Lena didn’t let herself close her eyes. She stayed awake beside Kara as the hours ticked slowly by, watching for any sign of distress and soothing her back out of it whenever she seemed to be edging into nightmares, until at last the pale light of dawn began to filter in through Kara’s thin bedroom curtains, and they had officially made it through the night.

[kuwdora]

heyyyy let me try another blogging entry type of thing. Pretty much each week my brain turns to ooze by Friday from all this jobdyssy and networking and all the burnout still dragging me down. I refuse to let the world and my brain gaslight me and I'm pushing myself so hard and taking rests and being deliberate with my time and effort for getting some contract work and other things - but this job market fucking sucks so much and I'm so frustrated by some of my circumstances and things outside of my control. It's obnoxious. the bullshit people have to go through right now for interviews and shit..it's awful.

It would help if my insomnia wasn't so bad. I'm fairly bedraggled more often than not which makes everything hard. I dream of sleeping more than 5 or 6 hours a night. well I don't actually dream since I don't think I'm getting enough sleep to get to the dream stage but regardless. It would be great to sleep a full night. I miss being able to nap, too but my body just doesn't let me do that anymore either. In other news, I've been rewatching witcher season 3 and Suits season 9 for background noise while I work on some collage and painting projects. I have a list of like 45 other shows that I could watch for the first time but I'm still needing to be in that rewatch zone.

the witcher fixation remains strong...just buried under all of my other wips and things going on in my brain right now. I'm soo looking forward to season 4 for whatever nice things I'll get from it and whatever disappointments I gotta brace myself for when the new season's here. I got a bunch of new comments last weekend on all my yennskier fic which was so lovely and just reminding me of how many more yennskier wips I have. and now i want to work on those. Except I'm neck-deep in other new projects. so I'll see if I can actually finish what I'm working on right now.

I'm going through the motions of working on new things I'm enjoying working on but. But. Also having that fear that no one going to like it even though I've shown a few things to a few people here and there and had received positive feedback on it. It's been awhile since I've been doing this kind of collaging before and it's something I can manage to do really slowly while my brain is melted from my days. It feels great to come full circle to a style and technique I had been doing ages ago but come back to it with my accumulated creative experience behind me. I'm having so much fun. Even though I'm so fucking tiredddddd. But also at some point I want to share. but not yet. oooh, also! wanted to say thank you everyone who signal boosted my ko-fi shop! the sales and tips def helpin' me out. I might add a few more paintings and a terracotta pot if I can track them down. I just have so many random pieces that are just getting lost in the clutter of my apartment.

I have a few more witcher painty-collage ideas I've placed in a pile to work on when I get done with my current things. but as always, too many wips, bwah.

[hpowellsmith]

How do you manage working both on games and on IFs? Both are industries I'd love to work in some day so any advice would be deeply appreciated!

Small background info: as of May 2023, I'm doing a variety of freelance narrative design and consulting work for game studios plus my work for CoG projects.

A lot of people I know who do narrative in the games industry started out with IF in various ways, whether they continued doing that or moved into other types of games. The skills you learn making small (or big!) interactive pieces are essential for understanding narrative design and game writing. Job application requirements often ask for Twine or Ink excerpts in portfolios. Although game studios won't always use those tools out of the box (ink or ink-plus-custom-tech is more common, but often proprietary tools will be used, or something like articy) building your knowledge of the possibilities of what can be done with interactive storytelling is vital. So if you are interesting in pursuing game writing or narrative design, creating some IF is a great thing to look into.

I don't know if I have good advice, exactly, because 2019-2022 I was working full-time in games and making my CoG games during lunch breaks, evenings and weekends and... it wasn't easy especially at the points where I was doing Royal Affairs and Noblesse Oblige sort-of at the same time while making King of the Castle (in practice, I alternated between the two CoG projects but switching between three very different games was quite the endeavour!)

So my primary advice would be to keep an eye on your mental and physical health because the risk of burnout is huge. Especially if you're working in a creative field already - you can get into a cycle of leisure time turning into work time and you don't really get decompression.

One thing that not everyone knows is that some (not all!) game studio policies restrict the creative work you're allowed to do on the side, with varying levels of strictness. For example:

-you may be required to ask permission to do side projects at all, with the possibility that they will say no

-you may be required to specify what you're working on and state that it isn't related to what you're doing in your day job

-you may be required to sign a contract stating that if you don't get written confirmation otherwise, the company will own your side project and be owed revenue from it, even if it's done outside of work hours and not using any work related equipment or software

-and many other possible restrictions. I have had the experience of having to ask permission to work on side projects when working a job that was entirely unrelated and outside the game industry

Whew!

So: if you have a salaried job and you want to do a side project, especially but not only if you're getting money from it, really do your research and make sure you're on solid ground legally.

[literaticat]

Hi Jenn. After all these years agenting, do you still find it exciting and challenging (in a good way) or do you sometimes have to find new ways to keep it from becoming mundane at times? Hope I'm asking this right. I guess what I mean is, what advice do you have for others in the publishing field - agents, editors, authors - or even any job (!) to keep things fresh and stimulating without becoming dull and repetitive?

I find it exciting and challenging, and very rarely would I characterize it as dull or repetitive or mundane, actually. (Even theoretically "dull" activities like data entry or whatever -- while maybe ANNOYING sometimes -- are still of short enough duration that they aren't really any of those other things!)

There's just always some new project, challenge, puzzle to figure out, and one day rarely looks just like the next. (I guess it might from an outside perspective -- like "okkkkkay, she's sat at her computer for 8 hours... the next day she's sat at her computer for 8 hours..." these seem the same! BUT I PROMISE THEY ARE DIFFERENT!)

So where MY problem comes in is not in boredom or anything like that -- it's more: A) PANIC because no matter how much I do, there's literally always more to do. I can't get to inbox zero, the inbox doesn't have a bottom. I can't finish a to-do list this week, or any week, things are just getting added as fast as I can do them. and B) PROCRASTINATION - like right now is my "day off" but I started to low-key panic about the things I have to do. Like, I have to -- HAVE TO!!! -- do my taxes and clean my house, because my mom is coming in a couple of days and the house is a wreck AND I know while she's here I won't have time to do my taxes and whatever whatever -- so instead I'm SCREWING AROUND ON TUMBLR. -- so B is both a result of, and cause of, A. That's my struggle. (And if anyone has advice, hmu.)

I guess my advice if you DO have a repetitive job is, try and break it up into smaller bits, and do other things in between? Like, I can't give notes on multiple books in a row, or read multiple contracts in a row -- I can do ONE, and then I have to do something entirely different, using a different part of my brain. Like I can edit a book, then update social media -- then I can do a contract, but then go outside and just read a published book -- then I can look at queries, etc. But if I tried just editing a book or reading contracts or looking at queries all day long, I'd die.

So if you are a writer, maybe you have dedicated time that you know you can be head down, butt in chair, just writing your face off -- a time when you are by yourself and don't have to worry about feeding any children or animals or anything like that. Focus on that for that dedicated stretch of time -- no looking at email or the news. Then take a break that is totally different -- walk the dog! Make an omelette! Call your mom! -- then, go back to work, but this time, you are editing something you wrote last week. Then, give yourself a treat, have a cup of tea, look at social media. Then, go back to work, but this time you are doing admin -- updating your website, or getting shit together for an event next week, or whatever.

ALSO, I got this piece of advice from a productivity expert (paraphrasing, and also, advice that I should actually take myself but I just remembered about it right now!) Basically, rather than having a lengthy to-do list that feels daunting -- your daily to-do list should be THREE ITEMS. Pick three. ONLY. THREE.

Then when you do those three things, you're done for the day -- you can give yourself a gold star and stop -- OR, you can try for another three.

I do find that when I actually focus -- like, OK, I have ONE HOUR to do this task and only this task, head down, timer on -- or OK, I am going to sit here and do THREE AGENDA ITEMS -- then I actually do them. Whereas if I have a nebulous long list, it's much harder to do!

OK NOW I AM GONNA GO DO MY TAXES BYE.

[aeionastrologyandtarot]

 Devil in The Details: Mercury Retrograde in Virgo

Devil in The Details: Mercury Retrograde in Virgo This retrograde found me sitting in front of a medical center waiting for a deliver service to pick me up, in a malfunctioning wheelchair. I spent hours calling a call center to connect me with a driver who would pick me up. While I tend avoid personal matters in my forcast, wanting you to view the transit from your own personal lens, my recent surgery urges me to share my perspective with regard to the nature of all transits and this one in particular. We understand the planets through our own experiences and observations. The astrologer can only provide the framework what you may encounter. Retrogrades are times of personal reflection and review, where we evaulate our lives from the now clinical way and from the position of a human being who past decisions and effort demand reappraise and context. Mercury Retrograde will begin on Thursday, August 23th. It will remain in the sign of Virgo for the whole of the transitt. It ends on Friday September 15 at EDT, and 1:21 pm PDT..

Virgo is a sign that are governed or under the direct influence of the planet, Mercury. Virgo (Earth) represents thought applied with pragmatic, practical approach to the physical world. Stickler for rules, Virgo is able break things down to their components, determining how they work and what ways will make them work better. Virgo, as a sign, can be practical, hardworking, supportive and observant. They can also be hypercritical, demanding, insincere and preoccupied.

Mercury Retrogrades is a time of reflection and review, where one is encouraged to reexamine important past issues. During the transit, your daily routines may be shaken up; you may encounter mental challenges, or be required to make some alternate plans regarding some daily matters. Expect to be distracted and made to improvise a great deal into the coming weeks. You may find unpredictability and randomness to be the order of the day.

This transit will ask that you re-examine and re-evaluate some important questions of your life. Determine where you’ve allowed rote, mechanical thinking to supplant your intuition or sense of spontaneity. You may possibly revisit a past experience in service to fostering an exciting new one. Remember, Retrogrades are not the time to initiate new endeavors, but review past ones. The information you uncover from revisiting issues from the past will serve you in good stead in weeks following the end of the transit on September 15th.

Mercury retrogrades are notorious for their affect upon devices of planning and communication. Telephones, computers, written message and contracts may experience problems during its passage. Try not to initiate new projects or make commitment wherever possible at this time. Keep your focus upon existing concerns instead. In light of this transit it might be in your best interest to get a second opinion or an outside observer to help review your work. Reach out to those you trust and support your research with another set of eyes.

Virgos, This retrograde is not about what you need to do, but about what have you not yet done. It will ask you to look back upon previous efforts, determining if they can help you in the future. Rediscoveries you’ll make in the coming weeks may feed and renew concerns you are truly passionate about.

Pisces, at this time, expect important breakthroughs to occur, especially with regards to your personal plans. Rather than choosing a specific course, allow yourself to explore a variety of possibilities. Once the retrograde ends you’ll possess a wide array of knowledge that will help you make best the possible choice in service to your plans. Let your internal cues provide the answer you will need.

Gemini and Sagittarius, This retrograde may ask you to revisit some past matter and to determine its importance to your future. You may have to confront a dilemma that cannot be easily overlooked or ignored. Unraveling the knot that Mercury presents you with may prove highly productive, even cathartic.

In the next few weeks get in touch with your humanity, both acknowledging your frailties and allowing for a new perspectives. Spend time in spiritual practices and creative endeavors during this period. Any creative projects should prove helpful and instructive at this time. You should dwell upon things that predate the retrograde and be mindful of starting any new works during this period.

Mercury Retrograde in Virgo may provide solutions to questions that honor the life you want to live. Listen to your inner truth and this transit may set you upon a course to an existence that is productive, bright and vigorous.

Aeion is a professional astrologer and tarot card reader with 20 years of experience. His approach is based in the belief that divination should be in employed to enhance ones' life experiences, not to predetermine them. Let Astrology and Tarot be your tools for better living.

[salt-volk]

post707883411295043585 thats part of the problem tho is yall assume that just bc stuff doesnt come out on time means theyre not working on it. as if they just sit twiddling thumbs. shit isnt slow bc they need more motivation. its slow bc they have a bare bones staff of maybe 1-2 ppl & all else is contracted work they barely have the cash for.

"right now basically nothing ever gets done" & you think adding a few dates to a list would fix that? you think they dont know theyre falling behind? that its not obvious? as if they dont already have internal set dates they aim for that just havent been shared w the userbase? 

they dont need more motivation or accountability. they need more staff & more funds. all the accountability in the world cant add extra hours in the day. you can be working as hard as you possibly can & still not meet deadline bc its just not humaenly possible w the resources you have. look at the underlying problem instead of just surface optics.

they could put dates just to placate yall. but it would be an empty gesture. theyd still be just as behind as always bc the dates are not tackling the base issue. itd be the same old shit but more to get mad abt as they still fail to meet dates you asked them to set.

some of yallve never worked on large amateur creative ventures & it shows lmao. youd be amazed how fast a few months can go by & youre only doing background shit so theres still no visible progress you can share publicly. you worked every single day but still feel theres nothing tangible enough to show for it. a few months can go by fast esp when you dont have just one job & are juggling 10 different tasks w simultaneous importance bc its just you or mayb 1 other person taking on 6 ppl worth of work. 

 just remember were all looking from the outside. theres always backend stuff goign on we never know abt. (i know. ironically im making assumption too. but its based on so much experience w these sorts of teams. dv has all the signs. plus context clues given on stream & rare times staff communicates. textbook understaffed scope creepy amateur project tbh.) 

if this were neopets or some shit own by a large company w hundreds of employees maybe itd be different. but some of yall are always gonna be miserable if you dont manage your expectations. see it for what it is instead of what you want it to be. & sometimes look at whats been accomplished. they DO get stuff done. theyre not dropping 80 updates a month, but to me it looks like they make slow steady progress. miss goals but do follow up eventually. they are literally completing tasks. & show signs of taking feedback into account. just not at the speed ppl want. 

criticism makes for a better convo topic bc negative emotional response sticks in the brain longer. but were always gonna have bias if we dont appreciate good shit too. sometimes theres an attitude like "okay cool i like this, now wheres the NEXT thing" or "great finally an improvement, now why isnt THIS other thing fixed?". moving on to the next thing so quick you dont notice the effort of whats in front of you.

but once you match dvs pace & get what postion theyre coming from its not terrible. i have plenty of criticisms from a project management perspective. but in terms of other aspects ive a more lenient view considering what theyre likely working w (esp not having a dev or anyone who codes as part of core staff. im surprised theyve been able to keep afloat this long even lmao)

you dont hold an amateur experimental musician to the same standards as an international pop star w a whole team behind them, yea? but the amateur is not inherently worse, or less worthy of support. you can still enjoy both, just recognizing theyre different things. i see the vision of the amateur & choose to support patiently knowing its got a different pace than the pop idol. theyre at different spots in their career timeline & will have their own unique issues based on that. but both can be plenty good. context matters.

  TLDR; there is much staff can do better at ofc (namely communication & interpretation of user feedback (like not knowing in the first place that "roadmap" usually implies dates -_-). but imo dates are not gonna fix shit bc lack of "motivation" is def not the core issue. such focus on the dates is thus unhelpful. i think some of yall dont get where dv is actually at & then put up expectations that are built to fail bc of that. not saying to let everything slide. but yk. appreciate the good where it happens. have patience. be aware what the underlying problems actually are & contextualize. tempering realistic expectations will make you much happier & able to enjoy the game for what it is.

or idk. i personaly used to be one of the main harsher critics so much i almost quit dv entirely & this perspective helped ME at least lmfao. now i play regularly much less stressed/angry abt it. ymmv.

[moxiemaemaple]

Building.

I've been doing a bunch of random things to make money. Trying to get some funds so I can have enough to pay back the money I had loaned as well as…live. It is expensive in this city. I'm constantly feeling like I'm making money to just eat.

I woke up today outside the city, in a small town. I was working at the gopostal delivering packages. I realized they had me working out of that warehouse and cheaping on pay. Here I'm driving hours in and out of the city getting the same pay as someone who makes less a commute working at a warehouse in the city. So I'll be looking for a new gopostal warehouse to work at. I'm not going to keep getting jipped on pay!

In other news though me and Crow did some random contract work. I guess people who need shit down, or materials for whatever post up on this public board. You can take the postings and fill them and make a bit more money doing it. I'll be working on that now when I can! We did some power washing. It was a bit of a whole thing to get started but once I got the hang out of it I quite liked spraying gunk off of shit. Very satisfying.

It was a bit out of the blue but after that Crow wanted to get a tattoo. We stopped at a shop and while he was getting some work done he had another thing to share with me. Wasn't another teddy bear or other gift like that, honestly was something far more meaningful.

He showed me his face. I leave people and their masks alone. I never question it. I wear a mask of my own after all. He told me his real name, explaining why sometimes things were listed strange on paperwork and such in the past I had seen. I was a bit speechless. I don't know how to communicate emotions very well…I realize I just get too nervous to speak sometimes.

I feel honored he wanted to share his truth with me. Makes me feel rot knowing I hide my own identity. I can't take it off…not that easy. Maybe it is but the fear stops me.

Later we went to his place and I realized what a man cave it was. Guy has a whole house and left it empty! Except a bed and some tables they had a bunch of tools and shit all over. I decided to put my skills to use and build…I know…I know what I'm thinking. I already built a whole house before for someone…and- lets not think about it.

I know I shouldn't build for others. I can't help it…what is wrong with me? At least when I asked for money for more plaster he didn't question or fuss. I managed to get the floor plan laid out. I'll have to go back and have the builders repaint the walls. A crow like its black and I went with beige mom aesthetic. Easily fixable!

I realized how good I am at…building. I thought about maybe helping others and their own DIY projects by maybe making a video on how I do things. Share my knowledge. Building…always building… am I building again for villains in disguise?

I don't know if I'll ever tell Crow what my name is really. He probably already knows. My 'secretary' takes all my calls on the yellow pages…and also is the name that logs into the labor app when I'm clocking into work. Feel kinda stupid. Guilty? A struggle.

Some wear literal masks, some wear wigs and make up.

He blacked out his arms. I wonder what tattoos he hid under them… I thought about having more done for myself, trying to cover the ones I have a bit. The one on my leg already exposed me to someone in the past before. A tribalish tat I got done at a festival while high off my rocker. I decided at the time it was a awesome to try and get a stick an poke tattoo. So there I am for hours with some girl poking me by hand over and over. Eventually the high started coming down and we had to finish with a ink gun. The pain was bad. My leg looked like hot garbage for so long till the healing phase passed. Now it is just like a birthmark, recognizing feature forever on my left calf. Someone awful of my past found me just by seeing it. Insane I know, but its true. There is that paranoia. Fear of nothing known. I can't even have my tattoos out without feeling exposed.

I'll tell my friends the truth one day. Though I rather continue to be Trixie. If someone calls me Maple again I'll die inside.

[greenhorn-teacher]

I hate being a teacher sometimes.

Like, I love the work. I love getting to talk about my content, I love the kids, and overall it’s a career that I enjoy.

But I’m just

So

BUSY

All the damn time.

While at work this week, I’ve been working nonstop. Outside of my 29-minute-long lunch, which was typically spent working, the only chance to relax and properly breathe was when all the kids left my room on Friday and I took a 20-minute Guilty Break before cleaning up my room and prepping it for Monday.

I’ve put in more than my fair share of work this week. I’ve stayed in my classroom at least an hour and a half after my contract hours ended every day this week (except Friday, where I only stayed an hour after). Hell, one day I stayed three and a half hours after the school day ended. The only people left in the building by that point were the janitors and roving packs of theater kids getting ready to head home. All to grade, or do paperwork, or prep for a group project the kids start next week, or design upcoming lessons, or or or or…..

And I’m still not done. I have to grade 150-some-odd short-answer-response tests that the kids did this week by Monday morning, because that’s when grades lock for progress reports. To grade each test well, I would need to spend at least 5 minutes reading each response and evaluating what they wrote.

But that would take twelve and a half hours.

I have yard work to do. I play Pathfinder with friends. My spouse and I are having a friend over for dinner on Sunday (and, on a related note, the house needs to be cleaned). I do not have time to do this.

Add on errands, and meeting up with family, and so many other things that happened this week. The most relaxation I got this week was the two hours I spent on the couch putting together my lesson for Friday because I’d never actually gotten a chance to make it.

Everything that happened this week was something that needed to happen (like grading), or was something that I wanted to happen (like meeting up with family). But now I’m so damn tired, and I’m going to have to grade those tests fast in order to make the Monday morning deadline, and next week promises to be more of the same.

I genuinely, truly, absolutely love my job. But sometimes it feels like the only way for me to finish everything I need to do in a given work day is to not have to teach kids. Which, you know, would kind of defeat the purpose of the work I’d be doing in the first place.

[gratitudelogs]

Everything is coming together naturally

Today was such a naturally flowy day where different aspects of my life are falling into place without me forcing. I'm grateful for the universe for aligning things progressively for me.

First I'm so glad that I was able to catch up with a friend I haven't seen for a few months and she was so generous to treat me for a meal that wasn't cheap it was $18 with tax and tea. She said it's an opportunity for mother to treat her child. She was also nice to say I can come and use her pool to swim next time.

I really love having her in my life, she shares a lot of helpful information with me.

This month I won't be earning much until I work full-time, which will be in a month. But fortunately, another contract project is starting that will be just enough to cover my expenses at least, which is good. I just need enough to hold me over.

It was such a nice coincidence today that the temperature was perfect for a walk outside while my car was getting serviced. My friend also called me to just chat while I walked. The weather was not hot or cold, just a nice cloudy temperature. And it JUST started to drizzle and rain gradually right after my car servicing was done, which took an hour and a half. So it was perfect timing.

I'm so lucky to have wonderful friends in my life and my wonderful wife as my steady supports.

I feel like April onwards is going to keep getting better and better. I'm incredibly grateful that my mind, energy, and body are aligning, settling down, and I feel lighter, looser, and have less energetic blocks. My nervous system is calmer.

[goinspectblog]

5 Essential Steps for a New Build Handover Inspection in Brisbane

Wrapping up a big construction project and getting the keys from the contractor is a thrilling and relieving moment for new homeowners. But, hidden problems might be there if not checked by tough independent handover inspection in Brisbane before you officially get the keys. These thorough new build handover inspections in Brisbane are crucial for checking the quality before moving in and making the place your own. Expert inspectors carefully check that the building was made according to the plans and note any issues that don't meet the standards.

Schedule the Inspection in Advance

As soon as the builders are mostly done with the house, it's time for owners to get professional inspectors booked, in line with when you're supposed to get the keys. But don't leave it to the last second! Good inspectors need to plan their visits ahead of time so they can spend enough hours checking out the place while the builders can still fix things quickly. It's really smart to do the inspection before you put all your furniture and decorations in, so nothing gets in the way of a thorough check. And with how things can get delayed these days, you'll want to book your inspector as soon as you know when the building is supposed to be finished, to avoid a rush that might make you miss something.

Define Detailed Checklist Requirements

When it comes to what the inspectors should look at, it's best not to just go with a basic checklist. Top-notch inspectors will tell you to make a list that's all about what's important to you and your family. Make a detailed list that covers what you're worried about during the build, any questions you have about how long things will last or how they'll work, anything that came up in earlier checks, parts of the house that are unique to your plans, and even stuff that's specific to how you want to live in your home. When your checklist is really specific to you, the inspection and any talks about fixing things will be way more on point.

Conduct Diligent Room-by-Room Inspections

Certified new build inspection Brisbane specialists invest significant onsite time slowly evaluating every inch of interior spaces first. This includes assessing flooring, paint, cabinetry, lighting, appliances, windows, doors,trim, exits, storage, ceilings, walls and infrastructure components in each room against contract plans and building codes. Inspectors also test functionality facets like electrical, drainage, ventilation and more during initial rounds. Additionally, inspectors examine how separate spaces and infrastructure link together across the home hunting for integration flaws. No detail goes unchecked in exhaustive room-by-room reviews.

Extend Reviews to Outdoor Areas

Thorough handover checks don't just focus on the inside; they also cover everything outside like the building's outer parts, roofs, windows and doors, attached garages, heating and cooling systems, how water runs off the property, and hard surfaces such as driveways and paths. If the builder was supposed to do the landscaping and put up fences, that's checked too. Inspectors also look at other structures like sheds and identify any risks from the way the land is shaped, using their knowledge of construction. They make sure to take a close look at everything outside before signing off.

Deliver Reporting and Recommendations

When it comes to reporting and giving advice, skilled inspectors turn their detailed notes from the field into well-organized reports with pictures for homeowners. These reports point out immediate fixes and suggest things that can improve home ownership in the long run. These careful checks are key to ensuring families can start enjoying their new homes without worrying about hidden problems.

Conclusion

Omit headaches from your new family abode in Brisbane through GOInspect’s buyer-first tailored Handover Inspection Gold Coast guidance. Their 5-star service delivers peace of mind during monumental moves.

[dumpspacefornotes]

March 2023

Reflection on past jobs:

-Enjoy focusing on the task at hand and not having too much overstimulation

-Working at a computer might be a good path because of the ability to work alone and from anywhere with wifi

-Working in a creative field where I’m in charge allows for personal focus

-Enjoy being paid for something that I can physically see the outcome

-Enjoy working one on one

-I don’t need to be 100% in love with it, I need to see the value it would bring to others/my own life and run with it

Ideas for future work:

1.Psychology masters degree to become a licensed therapist, work in research, work in schools/hospitals/private practice/etc.

4 years and 80K+ debt most likely

Job with benefits

Usually make 50-100K per year

I enjoy learning about it

I enjoy helping others

2. Part-time to eventual Full-time

*Graphic Designer -- Community college to freelance

*Photographer -- Work with friend/family to learn to freelance

What am I skilled in?

Organization

Problem solving

Patience

Caregiving

Childcare

Mental healthcare knowledge

Creative Thinking/Problem solving

How can I show my skills?

- Photography portfolio

- Art portfolio

- Music portfolio

- Writing portfolio

- Childcare portfolio

- Mental healthcare portfolio (comics, therapy journal, screenshot info, book info)

6. Who will my skills benefit?

- Creative people looking for things they also enjoy/inspiration

- People who want perspective

- People suffering with mental health issues to feel less alone/seen

-Because it’s the only thing that has truly filled me with a sense of being known and liking myself

-Because it’s fun

-Because doing other things is less enjoyable

-Because when I’m doing other things I’m thinking of doing art/music/writing/etc

-Because it is good enough

-Because fuck it

-Because I can look back at all the creative endeavors, rather than working for someone else

7. Journal questions

* Who do I want to help most in this world?

Animals, people with mental health conditions, children

* What is so unique to my personality that it naturally helps others?

Caregiving, creativity, desire to figure things out, desire to seek out wellness

*What jobs are these qualities associated with?

Mental healthcare, Childcare, Animalcare, Healthcare

Personal trainers, workshop facilitators, Vet techs, RNs/CNA, therapist, school psychologist, holistic medicine

8. What do you feel is stopping you?

I want to get these other things completed before I work on anything else

The other things being-

Organized into books:

- Notes

- Photos

- Physical items

Why are they so important?

It’s the work that I’ve been doing all throughout my 20’s - I want it to have a home to rest. To be seen. I don’t want it to stay in my phone, I want to be seen.

After you get those things done, what will you feel free to work on?

I don’t know - I feel like I'll only know after they’re done.

1. Lessons book

2. Photography book - chronological

3. Comics from art ideas

4. Folder of my singing and guitar

5. Childcare binder

6. Mental healthcare binder

7. Philosophy binder

And maybe trying to spend 2-3 hours OUTSIDE the house, trying to get these done, rather than at home.

Home can be where you workout, eat, relax

It can also be a place to get work done, but it might be better to try somewhere else if you can’t

Career Journal

11/05/2022

No teaching - no dealing with administrative bullshit, being underpaid, asked to work outside of contract hours, and cater to parents

Focus:

1. Being paid directly for the projects that I create

2. Creative freedom

3. Purposeful work that will directly benefit - animal care, childcare, adult-care (emotional support- grief book, life lessons, art made to make them feel better, ideas on how to use art therapy/music therapy/somatic therapy in daily life, yoga

10-30-22

Steps to becoming an art teacher

- Writing to school about why I want to enter into and why I would be a good candidate

- Portfolio of 10-20 pieces showing a variety of my work

- If possible, enter into some art galleries or shows to show involvement

- Create a better social media page to display

- Get involved in an art discussion board on discord or Reddit

- Comment on your favorite art pages and start becoming familiar

- How my love for mental health could be a valuable skill in a teaching environment - as well as background in childcare, improv, therapy and yoga

Aim:

-Work somewhere with benefits

-NYS certified to go wherever

-Co-workers and students that have similar interests

-Eventually go into art therapy in 5-10 years

——

Accepting where I’m at and working with it

One day at a time,

One moment at a time

Aim - instant messenger discord server - if you see me on feel free to message me

Or writing prompt style

10/28/2022

All the things I do for my sanity and income for the next 5-10years while

acquiring this degree:

1. Childcare: babysitting

2. Animal-care: pet sitting, pet walking

3. Yoga instructor: / TT / workshops

4. Artist: small business for holiday gifts

5. Photography small business for infant and pet photography and maybe some nature photos to sell to hotels/wherever

Main source of income/debt:

1. Work toward degree to become a certified mental health therapist over however many years it takes to do two classes a semester

2. Audit all art, philosophy and music classes possible

Bucket list:

1. Create a design and Apply to make a mural somewhere

2. Social media - artist: Comics about mental health and funny whatever and photography

3. Researcher/writer/publish findings as well as a memoir and grief journal

4. Post music that I write and perform that feels deeply meaningful or I’m proud of in general

5. Become as physically and mentally healthy through therapy, weight lifting, yoga, and developing friendships/strengthening relationships with family for my own peace of mind

Call MVP and ask about healthcare if you’ve made ___ this year -

start figuring out quickbooks and how to do all of these things legally and file taxes with it

08/01/2022

Investing time

in things I love to learn about

1. Art

2. Music

3. Writing

4. Philosophy

5. Psychology

6. Early childhood development and how the relation of genetics/support/culture supports how our personalities develop and more importantly adapt over time

Working on for the rest of my life:

Childcare provider, researcher, and childrens book writer

Artist working with watercolor, collage, mixed media painting, epoxy resin flowers, embroidery, recreating furniture, photography

Writer working on a series of children’s books, a mental health book geared for all ages, a short “what I think kids need to know and feel growing up”, a fiction book that's based on real life events; sort of an embellished memoir,

Photographer and Filmmaker working on a series of creative explorations of the vast differences in perception, morality, human emotion, birth/death

Singer and songwriter working only a truly enjoyable process, not to share necessarily

Main work that provides the money I require:

April 5

Part of me just wants to accept that I’m not good enough at anything, and the other part of me knows that isn’t true, but isn’t sure either what it is I'm going to do. I feel so confused. Math, science, literature/writing, art, sports/fitness, cooking, history, computers, animals, plants - none of it is interesting enough to go all the way with? Have a little faith in yourself at this point, or at 40, 50, 60, you’ll be feeling the same- why didn’t I just shut up and try?

I can’t do them all, and trying to just makes me shitty at a lot of things.

Time to get focused.

I’m constantly in awe, envious of, and desiring the path of an artist. But, I hardly make art anymore. But, I have been wildly depressed the last few years AND I have made a lot of art in that time- just nothing “good enough”

What would it be like to be consistent with art for hours a day?

What always comes up is- what about the real work? What is the real work I’m doing that

allows me to do the art?

What am I good at, have some sort of experience in, and won’t burn me out?