#outcome 3 x reader

[ivystoryweaver]

Day 1: I'm So Sorry (Outcome 3)

Angstember Prompt Post || Word Count: 1.4k

Notes: hurt/comfort, violence, wounds, blood. Happy ending.

You had a job to do. It was him or you.

You parachuted in to the remote area of Alaska he occupied. Then came the miles-long hike.

Thankful for the good shape you were in due to your intense training, you made it to his cabin by dusk. Probably stupid to hike to your mark during daylight, but more foolish to hike during frigid darkness.

The cabin was hidden enough, and no smoke billowed from the chimney. He probably froze on the regular just to further hide himself. You'd never met a more stubborn or determined man.

Determined to win you, long ago.

You paused a moment to collect your thoughts and steel yourself. Despite your stealthy efforts, he no doubt already knew you were here.

You didn't make it one step closer to his doorway when a shotgun cocked dramatically behind you.

"I've been waiting for you."

God, it had been so long since you'd heard his voice. But you were trained to be stronger than to melt at the sound of it.

"Whatever you came to do, it's not going to happen. I should kill you for even coming here," he added. The rough anguish in his voice reached deep inside you to stir forgotten yearnings.

Now to accomplish an improbable task: getting him to trust you. It was either win his trust or end his life. And the latter was not an option for you, despite your mission's directive.

"I came here to warn you. To give you a head start," you told him, an unplanned waver shaking your voice.

You thought he would have recognized you before, possibly from behind, or from surveillance. His next action alerted you to the fact that it was your voice that gave you away.

He stalked in determined strides around to face you, mouth open, dark eyes glistening with betrayal. "They sent you?" He never lowered his weapon.

You swallowed hard, drinking in the sight of him after so long apart - the years and the environment making him more ruggedly handsome than you could have imagined: stunning brown skin and inky curls against a curtain of white winter.

"I volunteered," you carefully admitted.

He withdrew, as if stung...wounded. "Why? It could have been anyone else."

Resisting the urge to approach him, you hoped he would listen. "Something's happening. They're...eliminating people. So many. Operation Outcome is being erased. I volunteered for this. To warn you. To get you out."

He shook his head, his stubbled jaw clenching. "Show me your weapons. Slowly."

You nodded, carefully removing several guns and daggers before holding your hands back up in surrender.

With a slight tip of his head, he indicated you should go inside. He motioned for you to take a seat at a creaky wooden kitchen table, securing your wrists before searching you for more weapons. The feel of his hands, even through your snow suit, sent memories flooding through your mind and body.

He found a dagger you neglected to produce outside. The corner of his mouth curled. "You used to keep this one on your right thigh."

That was back when both the dagger and you belonged to him.

He didn't arm himself to interrogate you, but simply leaned against the kitchen counter and folded his arms over his sweater covered chest. In another setting, he would appear almost cozy.

"You said you're here to warn me, but we both know that's not true," he said, regarding you carefully. "So, how far behind you are they? Or did you come to do the job yourself?"

You shook your head adamantly. "I'm here alone. This is my mission." Tugging against your restraints, you groaned. "Look, this is all the help you're going to get. They'll send a drone if I don't report back. They'll kill us both."

"That still doesn't explain why you're here." His eyes traveled up and down the curves of your bound body. "You really needed to see this through, didn't you?"

"I stayed with the company. That doesn't mean I want you dead," you passionately argued. "You're the one who - "

"Shh!" He hissed, extending his arm to hush you. Glancing at his security monitors, he realized a drone had arrived to fire on the cabin. With determined strides, he took your dagger and flicked it through your bonds.

Hauling you out of the chair, he dragged you out the back door, screaming at you to run.

A concussive blast sent your bodies flying, partially deafening you. Your world went black.

You awakened in cold darkness, save for a small, crackling fire. Attempting to talk, it came out as a whimper.

He shushed you, but gently this time. "I didn't know if you would wake up," he confessed, scooting closer to you.

His voice sounded garbled and everything hurt. He brought water to your lips and encouraged you to keep drinking small sips. He offered you a bite of the rabbit he killed, but your stomach roiled in protest.

All you wanted was to sleep.

"I'm pretty sure you have a concussion. You can't go back to sleep. Not all night anyway."

You didn't remember much except that he seemed to keep waking you up and asking you simple questions to check on your concussion. He also coaxed you to drink each time.

Dawn broke and you realized he was asleep with you, holding you. Your body quickly remembered the safety of his embrace and you sank into him gratefully. Even out here in the wilderness, he still smelled so familiar.

You felt physically awful, but marginally more clearheaded. At least enough to notice a scrape marring the side of his beautiful face. His lip was split and there was no telling what else might be wrong underneath his bulky sweater.

Brushing thick, dark curls away from his eyes, you gazed longingly at the man you used to love.

"I'm so sorry," you whispered, your head hurting too much to cry. "I didn't mean for this to happen."

His eyes flickered open and he flinched, seeing you so close.

“Shhh, it’s okay,” you soothed. “It’s just me. I’m sorry. So sorry.”

You reached for his face. "I couldn't let them kill you."

He managed a weak smile, reaching for the hem of his sweater. With difficulty, he raised the hem of the wool, as well as the thermal shirt underneath to reveal a sizable shard of metal lodged in his abdomen.

"Too late to stop that, I think."

Tears flooded your eyes as you inspected the wound with soft fingertips.

"Why didn't you say something?"

"Kinda busy," he huffed, easing onto his back with a groan, his breath labored.

You needed a hospital. You needed a lot of things. But you just wanted him to live. That was the whole point of you being here. So he would live.

"Busy saving my ass, as usual," you tearfully nodded, yanking off your scarf to tie tightly around his abdomen.

"Don't think that's gonna help, honey."

You swatted his hand away. "You don't get to die on me. Do you hear me?" You grabbed his sweater, twisting desperately. "I'm now unemployed and as much of a fugitive as you are. So you don't get to leave me."

"Why did you come back? Thought you'd never forgive me." His eyes struggled to remain open as his dark curls splayed across stark white snow.

"Please don't leave me." You whispered his name. His real name. The one he told you so long ago, when he had you underneath him, your bodies joined as secrets spilled out.

It was the last thing he heard.

He woke up underneath a shabby, handmade quilt, smelling of mothballs, with you by his bedside.

"Oh thank god," you breathed, blooming to life at the sight of him conscious.

"Where...am I?" He rasped, his throat raw with thirst.

"You're safe," you explained, offering him a sip of water. "I used all my savings to have a very questionable man operate on your stomach. But you'll live." Smiling softly down at him, you brushed his thick curls away from his eyes.

He tried to sit up, but immediately hissed in pain.

"Take it easy," you instructed him gently.

His eyes landed on yours, dark eyebrows arching pleadingly. "So this means you forgive me?"

Leaning in, you pressed a soft kiss to his parched lips. "You left to save my life. And you almost died saving me again." Touching your forehead to his, you whispered his name again. "You're forgiven."

He smiled, relief crinkling the corners of his eyes before he kissed you back.

"Oh, and we're Canadian now, by the way. Gotta lay low...for a long time."

"The rest of our lives?" His eyebrows shot up inquisitively.

"Yeah," you whispered, "the rest of our lives."

Angstember Masterlist || Misc. Masterlist || Main Masterlist

[my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction]

Ask The Question

Outcome 3 x GN!Reader • Rating: 18+ pals Masterlist• ao3• want to be tagged? | request info • Kinktober 2024 Masterlist • Day 3: Drinking Game

Summary: Truth or dare?

A/N: Opps, this is basically fluff. Thank you @thexsanctuaryx for saving my butt and beta-ing again!

Warnings: fluff, teasing, drinking, please let me know if I have missed a warning!

Word Count: 649

You take a shot, the whiskey burns your throat. You can’t remember if it’s your fourth or fifth, your tolerance having been consistently burned down during the course of the evening. 

There’s a pleasant buzz at the back of your head.

He chuckles, his dark eyes twinkling. “I can’t believe you didn’t want to answer that one.” 

It’s the first time you’ve seen him so relaxed, without every single muscle tensed, posed and ready to strike.

You pull a face, “I have my reasons.”

“Which are?” Amusement dances in his expression.

You pause then shake your head. “Nope.” 

“That’s unfair.” 

“Is not.” 

He shifts a little closer to you on the floor, pressing his arm against yours, “Is too.”

Outside the wind is howling, the night dark and cold. 

The light from the fire plays across his skin dreamily. 

“I took my shot.” You gesture to yourself. “I’m playing by the rules.”

He tuts playfully, “How is, ‘Are you interested in anyone right now?’ so difficult to answer?”

“You can’t trick me, mister. I’m still not gonna tell you, besides it’s your turn.” 

“Fine.” He gives you an eyebrow raise and then pretends to think. “Truth.”

You pout at him for a second and then grin wickedly. “Are you interested in anyone right now?” 

He snorts.

“See?” You gloat. “Not so chatty now are you?” 

“Yes.” 

“What?” 

“The answer’s yes.” He gives you a smug smile. “Your turn.”

“What?” You splutter. “Who?” 

“It’s your turn.” 

“Hey-”

“Rules are rules,” he nudges your shoulder again, “and it’s your turn.”

You sigh dramatically. “Alright…” You know he’s going to ask something similar again, and again if you say truth until you’re too tipsy not to answer honestly. You swallow. 

Part of you wishes he wasn’t so beautiful, wasn’t so charming. That you weren’t hopelessly head over heels in love with him. 

But he obviously had someone he had eyes on. You tried not to let the disappointment that was tearing at your insides show. 

“Dare.” You finally say. 

“A kiss.” He speaks so softly you think you must have misheard.

“Sorry?” Your voice comes out quieter than you intended, breathless.

“A kiss,” he repeats, leaning closer until he can brush his nose against yours. 

“I…” You don’t know what to do, what to say, your mind racing and also unhelpfully blank. 

He reaches up slowly and lightly touches your cheek in a silky sweet contact. Your skin buzzes, practically hums where his fingers brush against you. 

“A kiss.” He says a third time, barely moving his lips this time as he tilts his head to the side and closes the gap. 

He kisses you softly, gentle and sweet like he doesn’t want to break you, but he groans when your lips move against his. His touch on your cheek grows firmer, his fingers slide down to cradle the back of your neck as he flicks his tongue along your bottom lip. 

This can’t be real, can’t be happening. You’d had too much to drink and passed out on the stupidly plush carpet. 

He hums against you, his kisses growing bolder, more demanding as he licks into your mouth, teasing your tongue with his own. He tastes like the whiskey and that stupid lemon you’d dared him to eat six rounds ago. 

His lips are softer than you expected, but as skilled and firm as you’d daydreamed of.

When he finally pulls back he keeps his eyes closed, a soft lovesick smile on his face. 

You swallow nervously, all words empty from your mind.  

“You can ask me that truth now.” He says softly, his hand still on your neck, tracing soft circles along your skin that makes you shiver deliciously and ache with want. 

“I…who are you interested in?” You finally stammer out, getting lost in his dark eyes. 

He kisses you again, lightly and whispers against your lips. “You, dummy.”

Thank you for reading!

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[hoedamn-eron]

Happy Father's Day!

Happy Father's Day to all the parents out there! In celebration (and because I haven't managed to finish my Baby, Please Santi x Reader one shot), here are a list of my fics with daddy Oscar 😉😘

Sports Day - It’s your daughter’s sports day at school, and Jake decides to take part in the “dad race”. (Jake Lockley x Reader)

Baby, Please - Your dating life had been a range of fleeting moments and one night stands. You thought Santiago Garcia would be no different. (Santiago Garcia x Reader)

Shut up, Kid - You awake to your first Mother’s Day with baby Bateman. (Nathan Bateman x Reader)

Bluey! - Nathan discovers your son’s favourite show. (Nathan Bateman x Reader)

Sick Bug - Silas is ill with a bug. (Nathan Bateman x Reader)

Oscar Isaac Characters as Dads (includes Nathan Bateman, Llewyn Davis, Blue Jones, William Tell, Laurent LeClaire, Basil Stitt, & Outcome 3)

I will eventually post that one shot, I'll make sure of it. Fingers crossed it's today!

[eyelessfaces]

An Outcome 3 and/or Orestes moodboard?

we have so little about his character I did my best </3

🦐

[nowritingonthewall]

Long Promised Road

Pairing: David (Outcome 3) x GN!reader

Fandom: The Bourne Legacy

Rating: M (Mature)

Word count: 7400

Summary: After more than three years of not knowing what happened to David, you get a chance to reunite with the love of your life.

Warnings: Themes of severe emotional pain and loneliness (Please please don’t read if you fear that you might not be able to cope, even if this means scaring off the only two potential readers for this story!), a grown-up man showing emotions, moments of panic, one superficial physical wound mention (no specific description), some mild swear words, the reader drives a car, lots of angst but there is a hopeful and happy ending!

The story takes place in and around Arizona, but this doesn’t necessarily mean that the reader is American.

A/N: Hiya 🥰 This is my very first attempt at writing a one-shot, which was inspired by the 2021-05-12 prompt for Writer Wednesday organized by the wonderfully amazing @autumnleaves1991-blog

Thank you to the sweet and lovely Ayen, Autumn & Cece for giving David his name <3

Please be aware that I am not a native speaker, so I sincerely apologize in advance for any crimes committed against the beautiful English language!

So hard to answer future's riddle When ahead is seeming so far behind So hard to laugh a child-like giggle When the tears start to torture my mind So hard to shed the life of before To let my soul automatically soar

As you listened to the song on the car radio, driving down the endless roads of America’s Southwest, while the AC utterly failed at brushing the merciless Arizona summer off your face, you could not help but giggle yourself at how much the lyrics of the Beach Boys’ song resonated with your current situation. The giggle was neither child-like, nor was it bitter, it was more like a mirror of a mix of too many emotions fighting to bubble to the surface, leaving you in a state of sheer confusion as you tried to make sense of what lay behind as much as what might lay ahead.

There were no tears, tough. You had stopped crying a long time ago. Three years, two months, three weeks and five days, to be exact. The day after you had seen him for the last time. The day after he had told you that he would have to leave you because it was the only way to keep you safe. The day after you had begged him not to go because you didn’t care that the people responsible for his fate had found out about your love. Because you didn’t care about what they would do to you if they tracked down your identity and because you would have done whatever was necessary to just keep him in your life.

You could still feel the tender touch of his soft hands on your face as he had gently coerced you to look into his eyes that had mirrored your own pain, his breaking voice echoing in your head. 

“I know that I can’t make you promise to forget about me. And I won’t. But… will you promise me that you will at least try to be happy again? Please, Angel, can you… can you do that for me?”

You had tried. You had tried so hard, even if it was just for the fact that you had promised him you would. So you had kept meeting people. Good people, kind people, decent people. But all of them seemed to pale and turn to ashes right in front of your eyes, the moment that even the tiniest memory of him resurfaced in the canyons of your mind.

There was a hole in the shape of him in your life and the more you tried to mend it, the deeper it seemed to burn itself into your heart, your mind, your soul and every aspect of your very existence. Not unlike the Colorado River, the path of which you were currently following. The more layers of sediment were neatly deposited on top to bury whatever lay beneath, the deeper its eroding forces seemed to cut into the ground until they laid bare the heavily jointed bedrock. Full of ragged fault lines, it had been destroyed and restructured by indescribably merciless forces of heat and pressure so often that it was ready to crumble and turn to dust the moment it was brought to the surface.

You had been just about ready to accept that you would have to live with that gaping wound in your heart for the rest of your life when you had received the letter. It had not really said much, just that there had been some developments, that – if you wanted to – you could meet to talk, that he would understand if you did not want to, and it had stated the day and time when he would be waiting for you at the place where you had met for the very first time. You smiled fondly to yourself as you remembered your first meeting as if it had happened yesterday.

Your then significant other had taken you on a vacation that had included an all inclusive visitor experience of the West Rim of the Grand Canyon. In order to take the perfect picture in front of the famous rock formation shaped like an eagle, they had made you pose over and over again, urging you to step closer and closer to the edge of the canyon. Weary of any discussion, you had simply hoped that it would be okay and for a while it had been, until suddenly, it was not and the ground had literally given way beneath your feet.

While people above you had started to scream and activate the cameras on their phones in presumably equal measure, you had clung to a ledge for dear life as your feet had dangled in the air with about six feet to go up and definitely too many feet to go down. You had just started to debate with yourself whether it was actually time to make peace with your maker, when all of a sudden, a curly head had appeared right next to you, telling you in the calmest of voices that he would get you back to safety and all you would have to do was trust him.

The moment you had seen the mixture of kindness, determination, encouragement and calmness in his eyes, your panic had immediately been replaced by a kind of trust you had never felt before in your life. You vaguely remembered strong arms taking hold of you and more soothing words and a lot of clapping and attention by the crowd after that but you would never forget that first look into his unbelievably warm and kind eyes and the moment you had simply known that you would be safe.

Not only had he brushed off the fact that he had literally just saved your life (and risked his own in the process) as if it was nothing, he had also personally made sure that you were okay, whereas your significant other had run off pretty quickly.

As your legs had suddenly forgotten how to work, he had gently guided you to a quiet place in the cool shadow of a Joshua tree to sit down, discreetly checked you over for any sustained injuries and carefully treated some superficial wounds on your arms after checking whether this would be all right with you. He had even got you a fresh bottle of water from a booth in plain view of you so that you would know that he had not tempered with it. Despite the fact that you had been vulnerable and in shock and it would have been more than easy for him to take advantage of that, he had not even tried to make a pass at you once. He had simply kept talking to you in the warmest and most soothing voice you had ever heard until you had stopped shaking. At the slightest sign of you shivering again due to the cooling evening air, he had laid a woolly sweater around your shoulders, which had felt nearly as soft as the tender look in his eyes. Deep down in your heart you had known there and then that you would never ever want to let him go again.

So, if you were honest, your decision had been made before you had even finished reading the letter. Of course you had to go. It wasn’t even a question. Even if the possibility of this being a very elaborate trap had crossed your nightmares more than once. Even if it could mean that they had finally found out about your identity. Even if you could turn up there to discover that they had sent a person to inform you that he was gone. Hell, for all you knew, the biogenetical overlords might finally have decided that love wasn’t a crime after all, and this was his way of introducing you to his spouse, their three children and their dog named Boo. You had no way of knowing what had happened to him during the last three years. The only thing that you knew, the only thing that you could be absolutely sure of, was that if you didn’t do this, you would regret it for the rest of your life.  

Moreover – apart from the fact that nobody else actually knew where you had first met and that the place would be crowded with people making it really hard to pull any kind of stunt – the letter had been signed with his name. The name you had given him. The name nobody else ever used, because to everyone else he was just outcome no. 3. To this day you had not forgotten how his eyes would soften and light up, whenever you had called him by his name.

Like you had the morning after you had spent your first night together. Not only had you just slept all through the night for the first time since you could remember, you had also slumbered way longer than usual as your body had decided that it had finally found the safest place in the world to relax at – the soft embrace of his arms.

When you had started to stir and found your head resting on his chest with your hand on his tummy, you had felt those very same arms gently pulling you closer, before their owner had placed an affectionate kiss on the top of your head. You had started to hum in sweet contentment, when you had caught sight of the alarm clock on the night stand and you had suddenly jerked awake gasping “Shit! Shit! Shit! Why didn’t you wake me?!”

The chuckle that you had heard rumbling in his chest hadn’t just calmed you down instantly, it had also been added immediately to your list of your most favourite sounds in the world. “Because I didn’t have the heart to wake you when you were slumbering so peacefully. And you are way too adorable to look at. Oh, and a good morning to you, too, Angel!” he had grinned down at you with eyes so warm that you probably should have started to worry about the melting of the ice caps at the poles, had you been able to concentrate on anything else but his loving gaze.

“Good morning, David!” you had smiled back at him and the sparkle that had radiated from his eyes had warmed your heart even more. “I love it when you call me that!” he had whispered cradling your head and tenderly caressing your cheek with his thumb. “I’m glad to hear that,” you had answered, “because I don’t intend to ever stop calling you David again.” To put some emphasis on your words, you had turned your head and kissed the palm of his hand before starting to leave lazy kisses on his shoulder and his chest, with each one being followed by another soft whisper of his name.      

As you had gazed up at him again, he had gently smoothed your hair out of your face, before lightly pressing his soft lips to your forehead. When he had started to leave a trail of kisses down your nose, you had kept your head exactly where it was, with your lips just out of his reach, until he had grunted in frustration. “Oh, you are being cheeky again!” he had mock-complained, clearly referring to the night before, when you had accidentally found out how ticklish he was and had taken full advantage of that newly-gained knowledge.

Now, as you had slowly and playfully let your hand wonder down towards a particularly ticklish spot on his belly, he obviously had felt the need to repay you, as he had suddenly grabbed you and turned you over to make you lie on your back making you squeal in surprise. The following tickle attack had made you squeal even louder before your squeaking had turned into laughter and your laughter had turned into hiccups. When you had started to beg for mercy, he had playfully pinned your arms down by your side and leaned over you, bringing his face within inches of yours. “Will you let me kiss you now?” he had asked trying to sound stern with the gleam in his eyes clearly betraying him. “Hm… let me think about that…nonono!”

As he had resumed tickling you even more intensely, your attempts to escape his skilled fingers had become more eager until you had both tumbled out of bed with him coming to lie atop of you. “Oh sh… I didn’t mean to… Angel, are you okay?” The concern in his voice had made your heart swell with so much love, you hadn’t able to stop yourself from immediately pulling him towards you and instead of answering, you had buried your fingers in his curls and pressed your lips on his, moving against him until he had been groaning into your kiss. “Never better… David!” you had smiled up at him when you had finally broken apart.

As he had rested his forehead against yours, the shining sparkles in his eyes had turned into tears but before you had been able to react, he had already pulled you up into his strong arms and warm embrace. As he had held you close with one hand, the other had been cradling the back of your head and the warmth and fondness and care and tenderness that he had put into his kiss had been so overwhelming and all encompassing, you could still feel it to this day.     

“For you were my first love and first love never ever dies…” The car radio snapped you out of your trip down memory lane and pulled you back into the present. Raising your eyebrows you let out an overdramatic sigh, not really knowing whether it was directed at the Walker Brothers or the car. “Seriously, you are just trying to mock me now, aren’t you?”

Before you could dive into a full-blown argument with the radio, however, the West Rim visitor car park at the Grand Canyon came into view and you had to divert all of your concentration to not hitting any of the parking cars as your excitement and anxiety were competing for which would be able to stretch your nerves the furthest. You miraculously managed to scan your admission ticket without breaking the machine and hopped on the shuttle bus that would bring you to Eagle Point, before your legs had a chance to give out. The awe-inspiring beauty of the surrounding landscape, which under different circumstances would have taken your breath away, was completely lost on you as you had to concentrate on remembering how to breathe in general.

Even though you had arrived with nearly an hour to spare, you couldn’t keep yourself from immediately starting to scan the crowds for him, the second you stepped off the bus. It only took a few moments for your heart to start somersaulting as you spotted him between the hordes of tourists taking picture upon picture or fighting for a place in the queue of people waiting to step onto the Skywalk. None of them noticed how you suddenly started to sway as you realized that he was standing in the shadows of the very same tree that the two of you had sat under together all those years ago. You and him. David and you.

To any other observer, he easily might have passed for just another travel blogger or instagram celebrity searching for that spontaneous snapshot which would only take three hours to arrange. Not to you, though. You would have recognized those curls anywhere, even though they seemed to have grown even softer and fluffier since the last time you had laid eyes on them.

Instead of one of his cosy sweaters you had gotten so used to during the short time you had been allowed to spend with him, he was wearing a plain blue t-shirt, which perfectly accentuated his broad shoulders and – you were certain despite the fact that his back was currently turned to you – his sturdy chest, which had always felt as if it had been made for you to lean against. You had to steady yourself against some rocks, partly because you were hoping to persuade your body and soul to stop trembling so violently and partly because you were still trying to figure out what exactly the nature of this meeting was supposed to be.

Just as you remembered how to set one foot in front of the other, you saw him turn around. His face was mostly hidden by large and dark sunglasses, leaving him nearly unrecognizable if it hadn’t been for his smile. That smile, which could lighten up even your darkest days and which seemed to shine that much brighter whenever he directed it at you. Exactly like he did now. Despite the sunglasses, you could nearly feel how those gorgeous crinkles would form right next to his eyes. Those beautiful warm brown eyes, which had always been so full of nothing but love and adoration for you, so intense and yet unbelievably soft, never failing to both blow you away and draw you in at the same time. Your memory, however, seemed to pale in comparison to what you now saw in front of you. As he slowly approached you and pushed his glasses up into his curls, the warmth and sincerity radiating from his eyes immediately drove away any anxiety and doubt, which you might have had prior to coming here.

It took every ounce of self-restraint you could muster up to keep yourself from immediately throwing your arms around him and pulling him as close to you as humanly possibly, as he incredulously breathed out your name and slowly brought his hand to your face gently touching your cheek as if to make sure that you were actually real and not just another mirage. “You came!” 

He was so careful, giving you every opportunity to pull away should you wish to do so, while every fibre in your body and soul was screaming at you to launch yourself at him already.

“Please don’t worry, we are not being watched,” he added quickly, obviously eager to put you at ease. “I am so sorry for being so cryptic in the letter, I just… I couldn’t take any chances that might have put you in any kind of danger and… you must have so many questions…”

You started with the most important one, “Can I hug you?” You just couldn’t help yourself. Judging by his reaction, this was not the type of question that he had expected, as he gasped, “Wha… of course, you can!”

There wasn’t the slightest hint of awkwardness as you let him draw you into his embrace burying your face in the crook of his neck. This didn’t feel like hugging an estranged man who you hadn’t seen in more than three years, this simply felt like coming home. His scent was even more comforting than you remembered it and you drank him in like a person dying of thirst in the desert.

The scorching and relentless heat in all of Arizona would not have been able to compete with the warmth that flooded your senses the moment that you melted into his arms. It was not relentless and tiring and deadly. It was all embracing yet never suffocating. Perfectly satisfying and still leaving you craving more. Like a hot stream of lava, only instead of leaving a trace of burning and destruction, it immediately turned the barren deserts of your soul into fertile soil.

“I have missed you,” you mumbled against his softness. This did not even come close to what you actually wanted to say and your inner turmoil of everything that was fighting to bubble to the surface. You could feel his breath hitch, but instead of answering, he just hugged you tighter ever so slightly. Nevertheless, you also noticed how cautious he was, how he trembled wherever your skin came in contact with his, how he seemed to fight to control his breathing, how you could feel his heart beating even faster than yours. Moreover, there were way too many people watching.

So you allowed yourself to cling to him just long enough to convince yourself that he was actually real before letting go. As you relaxed your grip on him, so did he, even though his reluctance to do so wasn’t lost on you.

His hand seemed to find yours automatically and from then on he kept your hand in his as if he was afraid that you would disappear the moment that he would let go. He held your hand as he told you that he had rented a lodge nearby and that you could go there to talk, but only, and only if you wanted to. He held your hand as you walked back to the shuttle bus stop. He held your hand during the whole ride back to the car park. He held your hand as you stepped off the bus and walked to his car. He could barely be persuaded to let go of your hand for long enough for you both to get in the car and for him to sit down behind the wheel.

So you gingerly placed your hand on his arm and gently squeezed it whenever he would glance over to you as if he needed to make sure that you were still there. You kept your hand on his arm, when he told you how he had spent the last three years in a remote cabin in Alaska, when he told you about the drone strike, when he told you in a matter-of-fact voice how he had managed to escape with less than a second to spare before the cabin had been blown to smithereens, when he told you how he had left his radio-frequency identification in the cabin to fake his death, and when he told you that he had spent the last three months in hiding until he could be sure that they had bought it and how he had been trying to find you. You…

You could see how he tried to hide the question burning in his eyes and settle for a more neutral approach, “So how… how have you been?”

“Oh, I am… fine,” you answered knowing perfectly well that you didn’t fool anyone, especially not him.

“And is there… “ he tried again, “I mean, have you…?”

His voice was as soft and gentle as ever, but there really was no soft way of putting this, so you went for the blunt approach, “No, there is no one in my life. I still live alone. I tried to make it work, several times, I really did, but… well, it just never really worked out.” There it was.

“Oh…”

You couldn’t help but visibly wince when he turned his head revealing his face to you. You did not know what you had expected to find there. Maybe some kind of relief, maybe even a hint of happiness, but certainly not the deep sadness with which he looked at you. “I had hoped…” he started in a small voice, before turning his attention back to the road and clearing his throat, “I really hoped that you would find someone you could be happy with…”

The sudden and sharp pain piercing your heart made you dig your fingers of your free hand into your thigh so hard, it nearly made your eyes water, which was actually the opposite of what you had hoped to achieve. This wonderful and precious man, who was so full of love to give, the kindest-hearted man who had ever stepped into your life, had just returned from three years of exile, forced to live locked away in a cabin at the end of the world without so much as a touch or kind word by another human being. And yet, the first time that he allowed himself to show even the tiniest trace of sadness in front of you, it was out of concern for you.

At that moment, you remembered how to cry. But you couldn’t show any tears, not yet, not here. If you allowed yourself to cry now, he would blame himself for hurting you and you knew that it would break him. If there was anything left in him to break. The thought hit you so hard and so unexpectedly out of nowhere, you had to bite your tongue to keep yourself from crying out loud.

You were more than relieved when you finally arrived at the lodge.

He had sworn to himself that he would take it slowly. He had sworn to himself he would not urge you or rush you or ask for anything that you were not ready to give. He had sworn to himself that he would not bombard you with an outburst of emotions that might scare you or drive you away. But the moment that the door of the lodge fell shut, the moment that you were drawn into each others arms again as if driven by an invisible force, shielded from prying eyes, he could sense his resolve melt away.  

The icy prison he had built around his heart had started to thaw the second that he had found you in the crowd today. Those countless layers of biting and bitter cold he had not even realized were there.

Because the moment he had been forced to leave you behind, more than three years ago, he had gone back to being outcome 3. And outcome 3 was not supposed to have feelings. The notion of him experiencing what it felt like to fall in love, let alone learn what it felt like to be loved in return, made him a statistical outlier jeopardizing the success of the whole experimental set-up. 

So he had allowed icy layer upon icy layer to freeze around his heart until he had no longer been able to feel what lay beneath it. He had built a layer so thick that he did not notice how, instead of providing protection, the masses of ice kept grinding in all its brutal force, its sharp edges cutting deep into the tender softness below, as if it was nothing.

He had stopped to feel. This did not mean that he had forgotten, though. It was the gentle memory of you that had kept him sane through those dark and cold and lonely days and nights. And while he had never dared to dream of ever meeting you again, he had still clung to the thought that him staying in exile had been the only way of keeping you safe, of giving you the chance of having a life.

And now you were here. And you were so soft and warm and suddenly so near and real, when a mere two hours ago he had been convinced that he would never see you again. He had expected anything but being embraced by your welcoming arms as if the last three years had never happened. All he had hoped for was a chance to tell you what had been going on, because he would not have been able to bear the thought of you accidentally finding out that he had been killed in an explosion.

He just wanted to talk to you but as he opened his mouth, he suddenly had to gasp for air, as he forgot how to breathe and as he saw you reaching out for him, your eyes full of concern and worry and pain, his ragged breaths turned into heart-wrenching sobs.

The icy glacial landscape of his soul stood no chance against your radiating light and warmth and the melting masses came crashing down the mountainside, sweeping away everything that stood in their path. And the rising flood threatened to drown him.

As the ice thawed, revealing the damage that lay beneath, his violent sobs turned into cries of pain and suddenly he realized that you were no longer there. So he tried to call your name, he was screaming for you but his lungs refused to fill with air. He had to find you, he needed to get you back to safety, he had promised you, he couldn’t allow you to be pulled down with him.

But how could he keep you safe, when he had lost his footing and just kept kicking frantically against the nothingness. Against the vast emptiness that had become his life. He couldn’t see you. He couldn’t find you. And as he plunged into cold and darkness, his cries of pain turned into screams of agony.

He had lost you again.

He almost welcomed the cold and dark that was about to engulf him. It provided a welcome distraction from the emptiness that was about to become his reality once more.

Yet through his tears of despair, as he was about to be submerged beneath the raging waves, he could make out a faint glow in the distance. You were his guiding light, like you had always been. No longer a feeble flickering of a light house on a far away and unreachable shore that he had gotten so used to. Though it was too dark for him too really see, he could sense that you were near. You were there, you were calling for him, you were reaching for him. As the darkness threatened to take him, you found his hand and pulled him towards the light again and again. Over and over, you reminded him how to breathe. Just as he was about to sink, you guided him out of the raging waters and the roaring storm until you had pulled him safely to shore.

“I am right here by your side, my love. I am holding you. You are safe in my arms.” Slowly, your tender words reached through the storm clouds of his tormented soul and guided him back into the present. He could not remember how the two of you had ended up sitting on the floor. Somehow his head had come to rest on your shoulder, while one of your hands gently steadied him against your chest as he could feel your other hand stroking tenderly up and down his back. You were here. You were here and you were so warm. He carefully whispered your name, his voice hoarse and barely audible, “you are here!” - “Yes, my love,“ you assured him, once more, “I am here!” And he knew that he would be safe in your arms.

After a while, you suggested that maybe you should get up from the floor, but his legs seemed to have forgotten how to work. So you helped him up and gently guided him over to the bed to sit down. You got a glass of fresh water for his burning throat and kept talking to him in your soothing voice until he stopped shaking.

“I’m sorry!” he choked out still fighting to find his voice again, “I am so sorry, this wasn’t… this isn’t how our meeting was supposed to go…”

“Oh, Sweetie, no!” you interrupted him gently but firmly. “There is nothing you have to apologize for, David, this… this isn’t your fault!”

“David… “ he repeated slowly as his shaky breath turned into another sob, “I haven’t… nobody has… I forgot…”

He had not heard this name in such a long time and yet here you were, addressing him with his name as if it was the most natural thing in the world, as if he was a human being, not another statistical random sample in a cruel lab experiment designed to create the perfect super weapon.

He was so touch starved that he could not help but whimper when you gently brought your loving hand to his face to wipe away his tears. He whimpered even more heartbreakingly when you withdrew your hand upon his reaction. Instead of pulling away, however, your movements just became softer and gentler. Your lips brushed his temple ever so tenderly as you whispered his name again, “David.”

Your next kiss carefully caressed his cheek, “My David.” Then he could feel your impossibly warm lips on his forehead, “My sweet David.” Another kiss brought your soft lips to the corner of his mouth, “My sweet and wonderful David.”

Every single kiss felt like its own confession of your feelings for him. Every loving brush of your warm softness against his skin seemed to take care of another wound on the rugged surface of his torn spirit. Not like a disinfectant burning his sore soul, not like a band aid carelessly thrown on his bleeding heart, but like a soothing balm with no other intention than to heal any cut, any bruise, any trace of pain and grief he had ever suffered in his life. You did not stop until his helpless whimpers had turned into more steady breaths. And when you brought your hand to the side of his face to caress his cheek once more, he automatically leaned into your touch, just like he had used to.

“You are loved, David. You are so loved.”

As he gazed into your eyes and found nothing but gentle warmth and tender fondness and endless adoration in them, his own eyes began to fill with tears once more. Only, this time his tears were not made of pure pain and grief and despair, they stemmed from a heart so overflowing with love for you that it could never be contained in the life of just one human being.

And suddenly the urgent need to hold you washed over him. He just really, really needed to hold you in his arms. Before he could reach out for you, however, you were already there, ready to be pulled towards his chest and towards his heart.

“I love you!” he whispered as he buried his face in your hair and his voice broke again, “I love you so much!”

There was so much more that he wanted to tell you and at the same time there was nothing that he could tell you that he felt you didn’t already know. So you just sat there, melting into each others embrace, listening to your hearts beating for each other, breathing in the scent, drinking in the closeness, bathing in the comforting warmth of each other.

“David?” you asked softly after a while.

“Hmmm?” he hummed against your temple.

“Please don’t leave again?” It was a plea as much as it was a question and he involuntarily pulled you a little closer. He might have found shelter from the storm, but this didn’t mean that it had actually passed. He didn’t want to leave you again. Oh God, of course, he didn’t. If only he could hold you in his arms like this for the rest of his life.

“I’d be okay with that!” you smiled against his chest. He hadn’t even realized that he had said his last thought out loud. As he reluctantly relaxed his embrace to look at you, he found the same dreamy and soft look in your eyes that had warmed his heart on the morning after the first night you had spent in each others arms. He would have done anything to keep you gazing up at him like that, to keep any harm and pain as far away from you as possible. Yet all he seemed to be able to do was cause you pain and grief.

“I have hurt you so much…” he said quietly with his voice beginning to tremble again.

“No, you haven’t!” you answered with gentle conviction. “I meant what I said earlier. None of this was your fault. David, you are the only person in my life who has never ever hurt me.”

Your voice was so soft and tender. So devoid of any judgement of what he was or might become on a research company’s whim. You had never ignored that side of him, you had accepted it, because it was a part of him and yet you had decided that it didn’t define him and that he was so much more. And what did he have to offer you in return?

“You deserve so many things that I will never be able to give you…”

“David… David, there I nothing I need that you haven’t given me already!“

He wished he could believe you. The same way that you seemed to believe it. But all he could do was shake his head, bite his lip and squeeze his eyes shut as tears began to run down his cheeks again.

“Sweetie,” he heard you saying softly, “you don’t have to hide your tears. Not from me!” It was not like he did not know. He knew you would never judge him and that he would never have to hide a single feeling from you. But the concern and worry, the way how he found his own pain mirrored in your eyes, just tore him apart.

He began to roughly rub at his eyes with his palms, as if the motion could will his tears away. If he could only rub the pain from his own eyes, then maybe he could make it vanish from yours as well. His motions were about to become even more violent, when he felt your soft hands on his own as you carefully took hold of them to guide them away from his eyes and placed a gentle kiss on each of his hands. Not letting go of them, you caressed the back of his hands with the pads of your thumbs before slowly leaning forward and replacing every single tear with the love-filled sensation of your warm lips on his sensitive skin.

As he allowed himself to lean into your tenderness, his tears began to flow even more heavily. Never before in his life had he felt so vulnerable and at the same time taken care of so well. You carried his fragile heart in your hands. Its torn softness lay bare before you and the slightest absent-minded movement could cause irreparable damage. He had never meant to put this kind of burden on you. Yet you were so gentle, so careful, so patient, so understanding. Never pushing him and never ever asking for anything in return.

As you cradled the back of his head and gently guided him to come to rest against your chest again, he put his arms around you hugging you tight. His sobs subsided to the rhythm of your hands tenderly smoothing over his hair. Nobody had ever let him lean on them the way that you did. And he wished for nothing more than to be able to give you something in return. To be there for you the same way that you had been for him.

“You deserve someone who isn’t broken. Someone who can be strong for you!” His voice was barely above a whisper.

“Oh, Sweetie…” Hugging him even tighter, you placed a soft kiss on his temple before continuing, “Not being okay doesn’t make you any less strong or brave. It just makes you human!”

“But I should… I should have been the one taking care of you this time.”

“David, you have! You spent the last three years in exile to keep me safe!”

He had never phrased it like that. He had never told you that this was part of the deal he had had to agree to. Looking up again, he began to shake his head vigorously. “Nonono, please… please, don’t… don’t make it sound as if you should feel guilty, as if you owe me anything…”

“Oh, but I do,” you gently interrupted him, “I owe you so much. My life, for instance.”

Your eyes were so full of warmth and sincerity. And your unwavering trust in him. A trust so unshakable that it would be capable to wash away the doubts that he might have had in himself. But he had sworn to himself to never ever put you in danger again.

Closing his eyes for moment, he took a shaky breath.

“I promised to keep you safe.”

“And you did!” you answered without missing a beat.

“No, Angel, please! Please listen.” His voice took on a desperate tone. “You see, I can’t… I cannot guarantee… I have no idea what’s going to happen now that I am no longer taking my chems… what this is going to do to me and my body or my brain and…”

What kind of monster he might turn into. Even though he didn’t say it out loud, he caught the briefest flicker of pain in your eyes, before your gaze softened and you stated firmly, “Whatever is going to happen, I will be there with you!”

Despite the determination in your voice, the way you looked at him seemed to become even warmer than before. But what right did he have to claim that warmth of yours, no matter how freely you were offering it to him?

“I cannot ask that of you, my love!”

“You don’t have to!”

Your eyes began to glisten with tears while you obviously fought to keep your voice steady. “You don’t have to go through this alone!”

He tried to concentrate on the softness in your eyes which seemed to try to convince him that he wasn’t responsible for your tears. Yet despite their endless tenderness, they weren’t able to drown out the voices that kept screaming at him for making you cry.

“I just couldn’t … I couldn’t bear to see you hurt again,” he whispered weakly.

“Nothing could hurt me more than not spending my life beside you.”

He couldn’t help but begin to slowly shake his head. “I don’t deserve…”

“No, shhhh!” Cupping his cheek, you gently made him turn his face until he looked at you again.

“You deserve to be happy, David. You deserve to be loved.”

He wanted to believe you. So badly. “Angel, when… when you look at me like that, I can… I can almost believe it myself.”

“Hey…” Still holding his cheeks, you tenderly caressed them with your thumbs. “Hey. It’s okay if you aren’t there yet. Because wherever ’there’ might be, we can go there together.”

Smoothing the curls from his forehead, you left a soft kiss there, as if putting emphasis on your words, before resting your forehead against his and smiling, “Till the end of the road. And beyond.” And he knew that your warmth and fondness and care and tenderness would warm his heart and soul forever.

“You said you had hoped that I would find someone to be happy with, David. And I have found him!”

And finally, he allowed his mind to catch up with what his heart had known all along. Because this time he knew. He knew that he would never ever want to let you go again.

Thank you so much for reading :) Please remember that you are loved <3

[l0vergirls]

imagine jason comforting you, with his fingers carding through your hair and a secure arm around you, as you lean on his chest, finding comfort in his steady heartbeat.

he'd pepper kisses on the crown of your head and when he senses that you're getting lost in your thoughts again, it's okay, he murmurs, i'm here.

it's enough to ground you back to reality, reminding yourself that it's over, you're okay, and you're back in the loving arms of your partner.

you move around to face jason, yet you don't meet his eyes. instead, you bury your face into the crook of his neck, wrapping your arms around him. you feel his hold on you tighten the slightest bit, his entire being radiating warmth.

he knows you don't want to talk about it now, he's been the same way— he still is the same way whenever he's in your position,

so he holds you close, hoping you can feel what words cannot convey,

i love you, i'm here for you.

[ivystoryweaver]

@lunar-ghoulie4art @lunar-ghoulie his HANSOME SMUG FACE

his hands and that signature hairrrrr i want to gobble him

This lil story is so clever, i love it!

hey @reallyrallyauthor, he is reading the serial killer novel from your story Murder Story and ask, @angel-of-the-moons

Recent Drabble #1, enabled encouraged by @lunar-ghoulie and her incredible artwork

She’s been sent on a mission for Outcome-3, and her plan just isn’t working.

A.N: Ovulation is a crazy thing ain’t it 🤪

Themes: attempted seduction, momentary flashing

She picked her way carefully through the snow laden woods and whipping wind. Her ears strained for any noises besides the howling through the trees that’d indicate she wasn’t alone but to no avail. Eventually she finally found her target, a singular dark cabin, with a light smoke emanating from its chimney. He’s already here…

Her mission was simple, Outcome-3 had disobeyed orders and needed to be debriefed and eliminated. She didn’t ask the reason, truly it didn’t matter and she wouldn’t have been given one any way. She was given his weakness though, sex.

Her target had been known for sleeping with assets unnecessarily and being easily distracted with women, despite their training. Honestly she didn’t know how he hadn’t been weeded out of the program to begin with if he had a propensity for distraction. With the Intel that he’s been alone on this mountain for weeks, should be easy enough.

She cursed to herself silently as she approached. She had to adjust her strategy with him already here. He’d never be dumb enough to believe the old “civilian damsel in distress because she wandered too far in the woods” routine… but maybe, a sprinkle of honesty may do her mission good.

She took a deep breath as she reached the wooded edge and pulled out her knife. She muttered a silent prayer, pulled up the hem of her cotton underwear and cut each side, wiggling out of them while keeping her other layers on, step one done. She burried the scrap of fabric in the snow. Step two would not be as easy. She took a deep breath, relaxed herself, and cut swiftly into her thigh.

Careful to angle the blade to miss any major arteries but enough that she’d need stitching up.

“Please.” She huffed “I - I need -“ her knees buckled. His hand was lighting fast as he grabbed her arm, gun still steady on her in the other. “- help.” She controlled her breathing to come out more as a sigh.

“Get in.” He pulled her in, shoving her on the ragged couch next to the door and slamming it shut. “Who sent you.” He clipped as he bolted the door shut.

“Same as you - my mission -“ she lulled her head back a moment “another agent tried to -“ she slumped further feigning that her consciousness was slipping.

“None of that, wake up.” He tucked his gun into his waistband and patted the side of her face. She kept her gaze heavy and even crossed her eyes a bit before going completely limp. “Fuck.”

He acted quickly, attempting to assess the wound but the multiple layers of her pants and longjohns made it difficult “fuck it,” he grumbled, quickly undoing her pants and yanking them down. “Shit.”

It took everything in her not to smirk, take a good look.

Barely a second passed from his words before he pressed a blanket onto the wound to stop the bleeding. The sudden shock of pain caught her off guard and she jolted up with a groan.

“Goddamnit.” She ground out before flopping back onto the couch.

“Sit still.” He snapped.

She lay there, trying to look unfocused while she assessed his posture, body language, even where he was looking. Everything showing he was focused on the task at hand. Damn…

She groaned in exaggerated pain and spread a little wider. Just a glimmer of distraction, c’mon.

But despite her attempts, he remained focused, packed and bandaged the wound, and by the end of it had pulled her pants back up and peppered her with questions.

She recited her carefully prepared script, adding some stammering and pauses along the way. And by the end of it all it was the wee hours of the morning and he’d relaxed a bit.

“Satisfied enough for sleep?” She feigned weakly. “It’s freezing - and there’s only one bed.” She glanced over at the low fire. “We could… share warmth?”

His gaze flickered over her as he stood. He looked over to the bed, then back to her. Getting up stiffly and adjusting the sheet. “Fine.” He huffed.

She stood, pushing down the inner triumph she felt before he tossed a blanket and pillow in her direction. “You take the blanket and couch. G’night.” He laid across the bare fitted sheet and closed his eyes.

What the- okay well, HQ was wrong about how easy this should be… it’d take more than flashing him and playing weak to get his attention. And the blizzard showed no signs of letting up…

[whinesandwhimpers]

reader who doesnt stay exclusive with one person. right now, you're dating four guys, all similar in some ways but also different and just...perfect. They all dont mind that you're dating other guys.

If only you knew they're all teammates together.

[osamusriceballs]

Kinktober Day 1 <3

Oikawa & Titfucking

Warnings: NSFW, fem reader

Words: ~ 1,2 k

Kinktober Masterlist II -> Next day

"C'mon, you need to try a bit harder, beautiful," he taunts you, his voice sweet like honey, like a soft caress on your skin.

"Can I please touch you? Please, Tooru, I need you," you try to coerce him into giving into you, but he still smiles at you pitifully, not showing the slightest attempt to let your wrists go. "I don't think that was convincing enough. Maybe I just need to make you wait a little longer."

A hiccup gets stuck in your throat and you wiggle in the tight grip of his hand while his teeth graze against the shell of your ear. "How about this? You get to touch me, and I get to fuck these pretty tits of yours? Does that sound good?" His free hand gently traces the outline of your exposed chest, and a shiver runs down your spine at the small action. Your back arches, your chest pressing tightly against his bare one, and you nod frantically, hoping to ease him into giving you more- and he finally releases your wrists, his hands softly caressing your cheek and your arms before he moves both hands down to your exposed chest. You gasp when his thumb caresses your nipples, the bubs hardening under his skillful fingers, his touch soft, yet with just the right amount of pressure to have airy breaths escape your lips.

"You can touch me wherever you want, pretty girl." The kind smile never leaves his face as he cups your tits and presses them together, making sure to "accidentally" brush his fingers over your nipples a few times again, his eyes taking in every single one of your reactions, reveling in the way your breath stocks for a second. "Sensitive here, beautiful?" At this point you think it's impossible for Oikawa to address you without a sweet nickname, and all of them seem to directly reach to your core and make your heart flutter even more.

His adjusts his position, making sure that his weight is not crushing you, but still pinning you to the bed before he finally lines up his cock at your tits. You let your now freed hands wander to his thighs, that seem even more muscular and defined ever since the Argentinian sun has shown its effect on him. The lean muscles tense under your fingers, and your breath stocks for a second when he suddenly spits down on one hand and languidly strokes his cock, right in front of your face, coating your chest with a bit of his saliva too.

You roam your hands to his abdomen, feeling him flexing at your touch, a deep breath leaving his lips, as he visibly gulps and focuses on your face while he strokes his cock. "Please, Tooru- fuck my tits, and then fuck me, please-" you whine, your hands wandering to his chest and feeling his heart pounding under your fingertips. You pause when he suddenly releases his cock, his expression changing from relaxed and understanding to determined and greedy for the first time, and he abruptly catches your wrists on his chest to bring them down to your tits. You get the hint and cup them, and he nods approvingly at the lewd sight of you, bare under him, your hands cupping your tits and your thighs clenching together, your needy and desperate expression making his breath stock for a second. He caresses your cheek gently one last time before he presses his cock against your tits, that are now dripping and glistening with his spit, one of his hands guiding the tip between them.

A low "fuuuuck" leaves his lips as he starts to buck his hips and fuck your tits, the tip of his cock hitting you chin every now and then when he thrusts his hips extra hard. Groans and whimpers leave his lips as he starts to pick up his pace, and the sounds turn you on even further, his desperate groans making the wetness pool between your legs. His eyes constantly move between your face and the way his cock moves between your tits, eager to see all of your reactions, and you blush feverishly under his intense gaze. You press your tits even further together and loll out your tongue, trying to get a taste of him whenever he thrusts hard enough, and his jaw drops at the sight- the sight of his beautiful wife begging for more. "More Tooru, use me, please-" his pace gets even faster at your words, his hips now feverishly bucking against your body as he chases his high, both of you knowing that he will finish soon. One of his hands comes to rest on your shoulder, while the other grasps the sheets, the muscles on his arms straining from the pressure, and the desperation is clear in his eyes as he fucks you with no restrain. The sheer force has your toes curing and your body aching for more- more of him. "Fuck- just like that- I'll-" broken words escape his lips, his teeth digging into his lower lip while you moan his name and lick the tip of his cock whenever you get the chance to, drool now coating your chin and dripping down to your neck. The sound of his cock fucking your wet tits is lewd enough to bring even heat to your cheeks, and you squirm under him, your walls clenching at the thought of him fucking you like this next.

You feel him tense and see how his muscles pop out when he finally cums, coating your chin and your chest in white, the feeling of it so lewd and so dirty, yet so forbidden good. You can see how he turns even more feral at the sight, his hips bucking one last time, his balls loudly smacking against the fat of your tits before his body loses all tension. He takes a few deep breaths, his brown eyes fixed on the mess he made on your chest, barely able to look away from it. "Fuck, you look so hot like that, love." His eyes roam to your face and you suppress the urge to turn away- because the intensity of his stare makes shivers run down your spine. He notices the shift in your face and he is quick to bring his hand to your chin to turn your face to him and to lean down to connect your lips with his. "I love you. You're my everything." The soft caress of his lips makes you almost explode from love but also from the aching need between your legs that he still needs to tend to. You're pretty sure that he notices the way you rub your legs together, at this point begging for any friction to ease to your needs- and Oikawa knows exactly what you need.

A mischievous smile sports his lips when he pulls back, and his thumb collects some of his cum on your chin and brings it to your mouth, forcing your tongue down and making you swallow the liquid.

"C'mon now, pretty girl. Show me how ready you are for me. Spread those legs for me, and I'll make you feel really good."

[tojiscrack]

the dancing scene in the most recent chapter of liar, liar, MEGUMI BLUSHING FOR THE SECOND TIME AS HIS HANDS COLLIDE WITH HER WAIST, i’m crying so much rn. i have NO ONE to speak to about this fic, maybe it’s my period but i can’t get enough of them.

i don’t want them to go through angst, i just want it all to be fluff fluff fluff y’alllll. someone needs to make a fanclub or SOMETHING because it’s killing me how i have no one to speak to about this 😭😭😭

‘liar, liar’ masterlist here:

ik this message was sent in as early as yesterday, but i’ve been out all day and i’ve finally got the time to respond to it. apologies if i’ve left you waiting ☹️💓

i wanna start off by saying you’re literally the sweetest person to ever grace this planet. as i write this slice of life rom-com, i was hoping for the rom part of this com would take over in that scene, and if it’s got you squealing and giggling, ik my mission’s been accomplished 😇

“i have NO ONE to speak to about this fic” — YOU HAVE ME!!! 😤

message me, send me your theories, comment, like, reblog your thoughts, SPAM ME IF YOU MUST, i encourage all of it 😩 !!! i want to see long and juicy comments. small ones are amazing too, but ofc, the more, the merrier! it’s the best part about writing — and it helps me piece out what you like and don’t like so i can make this ride as enjoyable as ever 😗

you beautiful anon, this is the fan club. it’s a small little family of liars we have rn, but still a family nonetheless. don’t forget that 🥹 it does seem like a wonderful idea to talk about ur theories with each other so i can just spectate and laugh to myself about it all, but if you’re shy, you always have me, the writer, who will always respond to ur silly comments and goofy thoughts 🩷🩷🩷

[ivystoryweaver]

🌿IvyStoryUpdates Aug. 1 - here's the rest of 2024!

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In case you missed it in July: 🔥 indicates 18+ story

🔥 When You Come Back Home Santiago Garcia (July 14)

Still With You - a With You standalone sequel one shot Moon Boys (July 21) - can be read on its on

🔥 Perfect Fit Volume 2 Nathan Bateman (July 28)

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📬 It’s ASK ME AUGUST 📥

This month I am going to focus almost exclusively on ASKS. I have lots to work on but you can still send some!

🌙 “Can’t Stand It” Marc Spector POSTED

📚 Professor!Steven Grant x Professor!Reader for nonnie

🤖 Your Father’s Rival!Nathan Bateman POSTED

🧤 Jake Lockley Oblivious Alters Headcanons, a Steven Grant Oblivious Roommate Headcanons bonus chapter for @missdictatorme

👔 “Let Me” Soft dom!Jake Lockley x curvy!reader for @ladywynne - yes, a tie is involved

And more!

🍂 SEPTEMBER:

Writing a few things for Angstember, but I’m not doing 30 days of it. Maybe 4-8?

So far, I have angsty fics for Shiv, Outcome 3 and Anselm Vogelweide

Feel free to share or save the prompts!

🎃 OCTOBER:

Gonna dabble in @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction's Kinktober 2024 for a few days

By Halloween, I will complete my spooky MK fic 👻 Spectre 👻

NOVEMBER aka Poevember:

🪽Completion of my Poe story The Only One

🌳 Finish my abandoned Life Day Poe one shot "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year"

🚀 New "Poe crash lands to Earth" story that I've been talking about for months

"Just for an Hour" - The war is over but your best friend Poe still feels like the fate of everyone rests on his shoulders. You lure him to a swimming hole, trying to get his mind off of his responsibilities...only to find his mind is fixed on you.

General Dameron poses for propaganda pics (you know the Brioni ones)

DECEMBER:

Who knows but if Perfect Fit isn't done by then, idek

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Main Masterlist

My current WIP list

Updates blog - @ivystoryupdates Askbox always open 📥

💚 Ivy

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Previous

[aliasrocket]

So I was thinking Misery Business pt. 2 could go something like this …

Rocket shot up, head twisting in all directions to throw warm, thin sheets below him around to find the sweet scent buried beneath it all; sweet, but foreign.

Yet where was the culprit?

But then, with the thin sheets and the white bunk he realizes it’s not the scent that doesn’t belong.

It’s not his bed.

His feet meet the floor and he’s rushing out the room to be met with clashing sounds of utensils and when he turns to the cockpit he sees them. Everyone.

Gamora, Peter, Drax, Groot and …

You, with your food-stuffed mouth and spoon in your mouth.

D’asted idiot.

“Hey,” Rocket called you from the hallway, your name being dragged along the metal floors. “I gotta talk to you for a sec.”

“Oh.” You put down your food and rush over.

Rocket ranks you further away and puts you against the wall. His brows are furrowed and he had a hand on his forehead before he finally locked gazes with you, his eyes almost piercing a hole right through your perfectly fine morning.

“There’s a hickey on your neck, princess.”

“Are you serious?”

Rocket’s hand pressed against your sternum before slithering up to the side of your neck.

His nail pressed against a tender spot, making you wince.

“Right there.”

You grit your teeth.

“You gonna do something about it?”

“Nah, if you want another fuck you’re gonna have to work for it.”

[hoedamn-eron]

@soulreader05 @ominoose Yaaaaaaas share your ideas, please!

Llewyn, Outcome 3, and William, let’s do it! (I haven't seen Llewyn Davis or Bourne Legacy yet so I'll try my best!)

tw for abortions again, and fears of abandonment/being a mostly single parent.

Llewyn Davis

Ahhhh girl dad

Absolutely, definitely did NOT mean to get you pregnant

You weren’t even together

He’s just a friend who sleeps on your couch (and in your bed) sometimes

You didn’t even see him for weeks after you found out you were pregnant

He just randomly turned up at your place again asking to stay the night

After a hot meal and an equally hot shower was when you gave him the news

You both argued, he wants you to get rid of it, and he ended up storming out

He didn't want a kid and he was pissed off that this had happened again

Again, you didn’t see him for a long time

I can see you bumping into him like months later when you’re like on the verge of giving birth

And he sees what an idiot he’s been and tells you he’s ready to step up

You give him some choice words, of course you do, but eventually you tell him that it’s his kid

You want him to be involved, for your kid to know their dad

He sheepishly just nods at you

You go into labour probably a few weeks after that

Unfortunately Llewyn cannot be found because you don't know which couch he's surfing on that week

So you have your baby alone and go home alone

He does turn up a few days later, with flowers and a pack of baby grows

Jean had told him you'd had the baby

You're pissed off, obviously, but you let him in to meet his daughter

I reckon her name would be something like Julia, or Juliet, something romantic

Llewyn is smitten

Asks to hold her, looking at you with those sad brown eyes that you melt for every time

Obviously you let him, this is his daughter

He's so gentle with her

He barely moves as he sits on the couch with her, just looking at your daughter with wonder

He makes a comment about how tiny she is

Your anger melts away and you wish you had a camera to capture the moment forever

He promises then that he'll be around more this time

And he is!

He stops by your place every day to help out with the baby as much as he can before he has to disappear to whichever venue he was performing at

He was back later that night at your place to help out all over again

I don't see you ever really getting together, but Llewyn doesn't exactly see anyone else 👀

(you'll work on it)

He sings to your daughter all the time

It calms her when she's upset

She just stares at him with a frown every time he sings

Then when she gets older, she sings along

He even teaches her a few chords, but she just strums and giggles at the noise

With what little money he makes, it all mostly goes to you and your daughter

And sometimes, if he has a little extra, takes her on daddy-daughter dates to a cafe

He treats her to cake

(sometimes when she wants something a little more expensive, he feels bad when he has to tell her no)

He'd like to spoil her but he just doesn't have the means to

You have to explain it to her when she asks you that sometimes her daddy tries his best but doesn't always have the money he wants for her

She gets a little sad but more so that her dad wants to get her things but can't

But overall she's just happy to see him when she can

Llewyn likes to take her to school in the mornings

He watches you brush her hair and put it into pigtails in the mornings

You always catch him watching you with a soft smile on his face

Holds her hand as they walk through the streets

They mostly talk about you, and how much they both love you

She asks if Llewyn wants to marry you

And he admits one day he would like to

"but that's our secret okay?"

he waves her off at the school gates

Sometimes takes you and her to one of his gigs if it's early enough in the night

And dedicates his songs to you and her, a smile on his face

(Okay maybe you do end up together in the end)

Outcome 3

This one's a toughy

I feel like this one will go either way too

My heart is also leaning towards girl dad

(It's the jumper)

I feel like your romance with Outcome 3 was a whirlwind

For one, he never gives you his name

You did not plan on getting pregnant

But you were happy that you were, you loved kids

Outcome was another story

He didn't really react when you told him

It was a bit unnerving

Eventually he told you it was a bad idea and you should get rid of it

You argued and he left

You didn't hear from him for a long time

Like all through your pregnancy, well past the birth, it wasn't until your daughter was nearly a year old that he turns up again

He's frantic, he's on the run, he needs to hide

You accept him into your home quickly, not even thinking about what was happening, you were just scared by the panic on his face

You started spouting question after question at him asking where he's been, what's going on, who's he on the run from

but he's just stood in your living room, staring at your daughter who is surfing along the couch on unsteady feet

You tell him her name, which I think would be something really simple and modern, like Ines, Eden, Lux

He just keeps staring at her

Honestly you think he probably forgot you were pregnant, he'd been gone so long

But he just slowly sits on the floor, watching her

Your daughter watches him with uncertain eyes for a moment before she giggles and runs away from him

He was gone after that

When your daughter is in bed, you really lay into him for leaving

He just takes your verbal beating and agrees with you

That he wasn't fair to you

And honestly, he was only here to lay low, but now he's seen his daughter, he wants to make up for lost time

He's never had stability in his life, he'd like to start that now, for him and his daughter

It takes you a while to warm back up to him but you're not going to stop him from seeing his daughter

(and you've come to accept you're never going to get an answer from him about where he's been)

He'd already missed out on so much

Can't leave the house much at the moment so tries to bond with his daughter with the limited stuff in the house

Reads a lot to her, but she mostly climbs all over him

(it doesn't phase him, he just continues reading)

Plays educational and sensory games with her, and does lots of crafts

Your fridge is full of pictures they've made together

You're daughter is obsessed with hide and seek

And Outcome is always happy to play

But your daughter is so good at hiding, he actually loses her

He panics thinking she's got out and she's gone forever

You laugh at him and tell him to check the cupboard under the sink

(you'd learned in the past to move the dangerous cleaning chemicals after you made the same mistake a while ago)

Sometimes likes to help you out in the morning and dresses her as best as he can

Strangely he has a good sense of style

Eventually, he has his connections create a completely new identity for him

And he can leave the house a little more

His favourite thing is to take your daughter to the park

He follows her around cautiously, scared she's going to trip and hurt herself

She's just a constant ball of energy and it's the only place she can tire herself out

This does not change as she gets older

You and Outcome (now legally Michael) sign her up for kids soccer

He loves going to her games and cheering her on from the sidelines

She always screams if he saw her whenever she kicked the ball or even scored

He always shouted back how good of a job she was doing

Has the other moms swooning

Much the delight of the other dads

You feel like you need to mark your territory

Outcome finds it funny

Because even after all this time, you still haven't had the talk about what you were

(even though he's been living in your house and sleeping in your bed for years now)

(you're a couple, let's be real)

William Tell

boy dad

are you kidding me?

other than Nathan, he is the boyest of boy dads

Like with Llewyn, your relationship was casual

Like if he was in the area, he'd call you up

Anyway, you ended up pregnant after his most recent visit

Obviously wasn't planned and you truthfully thought about getting rid of it

You were alone, really, you didn't think you were ready

So you called him, and told him the news as soon as he picked up the phone

He was silent before he said "Oh."

He asked you what you wanted to do, because he wasn't ever going to be around, so it'll be harder on you than it was on him

You told him you were thinking of getting rid of it

He said okay, he'd send money if you needed it

But after a few more weeks, you decided you were ready to be a mother

You had a decent place and a good job and yes it would be scary to do it on your own, but you're confident you'll be able to do it

(you're lying you're scared shitless to do it on your own)

William had kept in contact more often the last few weeks since you told him about the baby

So it wasn't hard for you to let him know you were keeping it

He was okay with it

Again, just warned you he wouldn't be around

Which you were not okay with

You were a badass single mom

You kept William updated, sending pictures of ultrasounds and health updates

You found out you were having a boy and immediately told him

He sounded happy about it, from what you could tell

You told him when you were in labour, and I feel like he would show up

Maybe not in time to see his son be born, but still, he turned up with a gift bag with baby clothes and a stuffed bear

He was uncharacteristically nervous walking into the hospital room

And even more nervous to pick up his son

You'd discuss a name with him then

Something like Theodore, Alexander, Oliver

You let William have his moment with his son but he eventually told you he couldn't be as around as you want him to be

"he doesn't work that way"

You'd accepted it long ago

He leaves a few days after you're all settled at home

You updated him as often as you could and William never failed to Facetime every night to see his son

When he's a little older, William starts showing up more

William wants to right the wrongs made by being a better dad

So he does

Takes his son out on walks in the stroller as you take some time for yourself

Just talks to him about the places he's been and the people he's met

(skips out the whole...military part and prison)

Buys your son so many toys and clothes, you don't know what to do with them all

You tell William that there is just not enough room, and he'll grow out of them before he gets to wear them and it's a waste of money

William just shrugged at you

When your son is older, he tries to teach him card tricks

But your son just likes watching William shuffle the cards

And you scolded him for teaching your 3 year old how to play poker

Willam just gave you a smirk

William still travels away and it makes your son sad when he does

But like before, Facetimes every night at bedtime and they read a story together

William calls you after your kid is asleep just to talk about your day

you usually fall asleep on the phone a few hours later

Similar to Llewyn, William likes to pick his son up from school, to surprise him

Tells you in advance he's going to show up

Your son loves it, always comes sprinting out of the school and into his dads arms

The moms all have a crush on him, since he's so elusive and a silver fox

They wonder where you've been hiding him and he's a regular talking point at the PTA meetings

Your son is essentially set for life

William sends you money every month but he also has a savings account for the kid that's already nearing half a mil

He doesn't tell you about it

Just encourages his son to do well in school and go on to be a better man than he ever was

You already think that William is a better man

listen okay

been thinking about Oscar's characters and what they're like as dads

Spoke very briefly with @writefightandflightclub about this, months ago (can't even find the post it was that long ago - I'll link it later if I do)

Poe Dameron is a girl dad

Santiago Garcia is a girl dad (see here)

Steven Grant is a girl dad

And Marc Spector and Jake Lockley

(Jake especially)

But Nathan Bateman

Nathan Bateman oozes boy dad

Because, right:

Nathan created Ava and has the mindset that girls are scary

(And Luna pointed out that he'd be wary after that having a girl after 'the incident' and I agree)

Seems like the kind of guy to say 'first time, guaranteed' after sex, when you both agree to start trying

(he was right, it was)

(you still don't know how he did it)

Anyways, you both have a boy

He needed to find out at your anomaly scan because he hasn't been able to control one single thing during this pregnancy and he hates it

So he voted he found out the gender

Makes you put on classical music for "the foetus" (Nathan's words) because he seems like that type of guy

Not that he doubts the kid'll be a genius, but it can't hurt

When your son is here, Nathan would be a mess

It was one thing knowing you were pregnant, seeing the bump and ultrasounds and all

But now there's an actual kid

A kid that is fully reliant on him

Nathan probably wouldn't sleep for weeks

Just sit and works and watches the kid, make sure he's breathing

He'd mellow out eventually, when you'd told him he needed sleep and can't keep doing this to himself

You took over the night shift after that, mostly

He isn't the kind of dad to rough house

But one that you'll catch talking out coding issues to an infant who just stares at Nathan, just because of the sound of his voice

Your son would look nothing like you, and take everything after Nathan (he's super smug about it too - not only can he make literal lifelike robots, but he has 'superior genes' too)

Would want to call the boy something unique like Silas, or Atlas, something along those lines

You had veto'd them very quickly

But Silas grew on you, so I can imagine you agreed to a unique name

Once your son was old enough, he'd definitely teach him how to box

Since Nathan's sleep schedule is fucked (he's working on it), he's always up first with the kid

You'll always find them on the decking at the punching bag

Nathan was always guiding him, praising him when your son eventually punched the bag

You and Nathan both regularly went out on hikes (he enjoyed them more than you did) even before the kid

When the kid was born, it was easy to carry him around in a carrier on your chests

But when he got older and learned to walk, he never wanted to be carried

And the hikes took longer

So now Nathan's planned out new family friendly routes for you all, where you'll all be out for an hour, tops, and not far from the house

Nathan really hates mess, so will probably follow the kid around once he starts walking, just picking up after him

If he's stressed or hungover (he's working on that too) he would probably yell at you to sort it out

He'd apologise later after you chewed him out, even offering to do bath time and get the kid ready for bed

"I'll read him a story or some shit"

(It's probably Stephen Hawking)

He'd arrange someone to decorate the kids bedroom to look like space or something

You had a field day looking around the IKEA website and choosing what you wanted for your son's dream bedroom, but Nathan had just rolled his eyes and got the more expensive, designer, equivalent and it was delivered within a week

You'd told him off for doing it, but he just shrugged at you wordlessly as he set up the bedroom for your son

This is long enough, I'm gonna stop here, but now I want to write a full series of dad!Nathan 😭😭😭

[idesireelysian]

smut abcs: sanzu

pairing: sanzu x m!reader

cw/tw: semi-public sex, gun kink, mentions of wound-fucking, hair pulling, throat-fucking, pet play, falling unconscious (sanzu, not reader), edging, mentioned threesome/group sex, hinted overstimulation

a - aftercare

sanzu is sleepy after sex, he wants to get cleaned up and then just go to sleep cuddling. he can adapt to a shared bath though, if that’s what you prefer. if it’s just a quickie he doesn’t really need anything, and if he has to, he can actually hide the fact that the two of you just fucked pretty easily.

b - body part

i do think that he has somewhat of a hand kink, so hands certainly are worth mentioning. he also really likes your eyes—your whole face, actually. those are probably his favorites.

c - cum

his: he doesn’t cum that much during one orgasm, which makes it very fun to try and milk him dry. it’ll take quite a while, but trust me, he’s very much into it.

yours: he’s down bad for you cumming inside him, be it his mouth, throat (he’ll make sure to swallow all of it) or his ass. he’d even let you plug him up, if you’re into that.

d - dirty secret

i just know this man’s walked around in public with a vibrator up his ass before. when the pleasure got too much, he quickly jerked off in the bathroom, then continued his day like normal. he kind of wanted you—or anyone else, really—to notice, it would’ve been so humiliating, though also a huge turn on for him, given whoever noticed is into it too.

e - experience

i imagine that pretty much everyone in bonten is fucking everyone else in bonten, so bonten!sanzu is certainly very experienced. i do think he’s less experienced in the other timelines, but still moreso than the average person.

f - favorite position

getting fucked: bend him over a table, a desk, a drawer, the kitchen counter—just bend him over something and fuck him from behind. he might want to hold your hand though, or you can let him suck your fingers. another favorite of his is when you’re fucking him on a soft mattress. lying on his back, so he can look up into your beautiful eyes, and wrap his legs around your waist. hold one/both of his hands for bonus points, and occasionally (but passionately) kiss him.

fucking you: he wants to be able to see, and touch, and kiss every part of you, so he either wants you in his lap, or even better, on a bed, looking at him. he loves being able to see your eyes, and leaving hickeys and other marks on your body while fucking you.

g - goofy

i think this really depends. he’s certainly into bdsm, healthy bdsm, and can act out his role in perfect seriousness, no matter the scene or circumstances. sometimes you might think he’s scarily good at acting. however, otherwise, if you like to joke around, he’ll join you in on it with ease.

h - hair

body hair: i’m sorry, but i just have to add that his pubes are/he dyes them pink like his hair. anyways, i think he just makes them look clean, like he takes care of them (which he does). he has some body hair, but it’s a very light color and barely visible, so he doesn’t bother shaving his legs or anything like that to look good.

hair pulling: fuck him bent over something and force him to keep up his head by pulling on his hair, he’ll love it. however, he specifically doesn’t like to pull on your hair. unless, maybe, when you’re sucking him off.

i - intimacy

i’ve said it before, and i’ll say it again, but especially when you’re having gentle sex, he just wants to hold your hand. he also really likes to kiss you. the first time he said ,i love you’ out loud? you were slow-fucking him. he loves rough sex, yes, but sometimes he just wants to get pampered with love and gentle fucking/pamper you with said things.

j - jacking off

sanzu mostly jerks his dick as quick as possible. he’s honestly not too big of a fan of masturbating, he’d much rather sleep around, have sex with you, or at least do it in front of some kind of audience. he feels it’s kind of useless otherwise. still, sometimes he likes to fuck himself on a dildo. preferably one that you’ve gifted to him, so he can remember you and sing your name while fucking himself silly.

k - kink

okay. honestly, i imagine him having quite an amount of kinks, but the one that’s certainly worth mentioning is his horrible gunkink. especially bonten!sanzu gets incredibly turned on if you pull out a gun and point it at him. fuck him at gun point, he’d be in heaven. bonus points if you touch his temple or neck with it, extra bonus points if the safety is off. he trusts you. and if you’re concerned about safety, remove the bullets beforehand, but don’t tell him. knowing you could kill him any moment makes him so much harder. dare to go wild his gunkink. he’ll suck off your weapon if you let him, going as far as pushing it down his throat. he’d even let you insert it into his ass. that said, he doesn’t get turned by guns if it’s any random person holding it. it needs to be someone like you, someone he’s close with, who he can trust, and who turns him on anyway.

l - location

he’s not a fan of fucking outside. other than that, he doesn’t have too much of a preference, as long as he can hold onto something for stability, and nobody that he doesn’t want to see/hear is able to.

n - no

as said before, he’s into basically anything. even stuff like piss, vomit, knife play, blood play, and whatnot. especially bonten!sanzu, he’s honestly fucked in the head and into pretty much anything, even pretty high levels of masochism. what he doesn’t really like though is wound-fucking. in the moment he doesn’t really care about hygiene, but no dick will ever get close to his deeper wounds. your fingers might, if you’re both down bad, but it’s a dark gray area.

o - oral

giving: he loves when you fuck his throat, when you make him choke on your dick, and make him cry. he’ll relax his jaw and let you do whatever you want to him. he’s not very fond of eating you out, though. it’s simply weird to him.

receiving: he also loves to throat-fuck you, though. if you lay on your bed, head off the mattress, and let him fuck into your mouth while watching his dick form a bulge on your neck, he’s in heaven. bonus points if you let him lightly press down on said bulge. he’s hugely fascinated by it, and the fact that he can feel his own cock inside your throat makes him cum immediately. one of the few things he doesn’t like is when you eat him out. he might allow you to once in a while if you want to really badly, he thinks it feels okay, but it’s not really pleasuring him.

p - pace

depends a lot. usually he prefers getting fucked fast and rough, but sometimes he wants it to be slow and soft. if you prefer it slow by a lot, he can accomodate, but it might take him a while. especially bonten!sanzu, he’s very used to sex being fast and rough, so he needs quite a bit to adjust. he will do it for your sake, though.

q - quickie

always down for a quickie, no questions asked. bonus points if you cum inside him, and he gets to walk around with it leaking out into his underwear.

r - risk

i keep on talking about bonten!sanzu (i just love the bonten timeline, sorry), but he’s done more risky things than you can count on ten fingers. way more. in the other timelines he hasn’t done too many risky things, but if you want to, he’s always up for it.

s - stamina

getting fucked: he can easily go a few rounds, even if he’s riding you, but after round five or six he’s gone totally limp. he’s still very much conscious though, and he’ll let you continue fucking him for as long as you want to, even cumming for quite a few times still. at some point he’s milked dry though, and if you keep going after he’s had his first dry orgasm, he’ll fall uncoscious. there’s a very small chance he’ll still let you continue after that (how do you even have so much stamina, honestly?), but if you ask nicely before starting your session, he might agree.

fucking you: i don’t think he can go any more than three or four rounds, even if he tries. his body is just too exhausted. he’ll let you ride him until you’re satisfied though, but sadly, you can’t rely on him for help.

t - toys

he’ll be very happy if you gift him a dildo or two. he might even record himself using them, so he can send the videos to you, and you can jerk off to them later. apart from that, he kind of likes butt plugs. he’d wear cat ears, a collar, and a tail plug for you, too, if you’d want him to. you could even have him on a leash, and order him around in your own apartment/house for a bit.

u - unfair

teasing: unless you specifically ask him to, he won’t tease you much. he gets a lot more pleasure himself if you’re happy too.

getting teased: he hates to admit it, but he loves getting edged/edging himself. in that sense, he loves being teasted. he hates if you send him spicy pictures though, because he feels uncomfortable jerking off to them, so he’ll just be horny with no release. apart from that, he’s not too fond of it, but he doesn’t dislike it or anything.

v - volume

most of the time he isn’t too loud, but he makes a ton of noises. whines, whimpers, moans, sighs, groans, you name it. there’s barely a moment of silence. he’s actually more vocal when fucking you or when getting sucked off, not because he likes it more, but because it just feels good in different ways. you can make him scream though, if you’re rough enough, or if you hit one/multiple of his kinks head-on.

w - wild card

sanzu is actually very much up for a threesome, or even group sex. be it his friends, yours, some you share—as long as at least one of you two knows them, he’d love it if there were more people involved than just the two of you. don’t get him wrong, he loves you, and you can satisfy him perfectly, but it kind of turns him on. his personal pick would probably be rindou, i think, if you were to ask who he’d like to have a threesome with. or mucho, given he’s alive in this timeline.

x - x-ray

he doesn’t have too many muscles or fat, he’s naturally just very skinny, and has always had problems with putting on weight. luckily, it doesn’t bother him that much, and he feels pretty healthy as is. i think his dick is both a little longer and a little thicker than average, and it’s pretty pinkish, too.

y - yearning

his sex drive isn’t that high, but he enjoys sex a lot and bonten!sanzu fucks a lot as a way of self-destruction. and if someone asks him to fuck, he nearly always starts feeling like it and agrees. either way, even though his libido isn’t too high, he ends up fucking others and/or you quite a lot, especially if yours is high.

z - zzz

after multiple rounds, he gets very sleepy very quickly. he can easily handle a quickie without getting too tired, but if you fuck his soul out of his body, he’ll fall asleep in a maximum of five minutes. unless you/the circumstances don’t allow it.

[tsunami-watch]

Name: Outcome-3

Age: 32

Occupation/Association: Former FIA Agent/Merc | Nomads

Status: Alive

Short Bio/Backstory: Part of the highly classified NUSA government project to create the perfect supersoldier/spy/assassins, Operation Outcome, on the run after failing an assignment and betraying direct orders. Is currently hiding in the autonomous free city of Night City looking for a way to flee the country as well as a place to provide him sanctuary. Nameless, faceless, untraceable. The very skills and abilities the NUSA gave him are now the only thing keeping him from a bullet in the head. When pressures in the city gets high chances are you’ll find him with the Aldecaldos, or rather you won’t find him, but he’ll be there. The strange man without a name who proved his loyalty to the clan and the pack, came to them in desperation for their help, one survivor to another, and continues to protect them in return whenever he could with his unnaturally adept skills with a rifle, watching over them like a guardian angel. Closer to the city he’s constructed a concealed base of operations and hiding place within the trash mountains of the Municipal Landfill, blending perfectly into the surrounding landscape, completely invisible to anyone who doesn’t know where to look. His time not spent on planning an escape or riding with the Aldecaldos are used scavenging for valuable cyberware he could sell to shady rippers that didn’t ask questions, or occasionally bounty hunting in the city for some quick cash. 

Masterlist:

[beomiracles]

⌞ 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐑𝐄𝐃𝐄𝐌𝐏𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 𝐎𝐅 𝐂𝐇𝐎𝐈 𝐘𝐄𝐎𝐍𝐉𝐔𝐍 ⌝

DREAM RECALL ⸝⸝ He pulls away from you with a perplexed expression. Then he laughs, it’s short, cruel, he shakes his head. “Don’t be funny”, he mutters as he runs a hand through his dark hair. “You know I have a girlfriend, nerd.” He spits the words out like the venomous bite of a snake. His gaze drops to your unbuttoned blazer, briefly passing the harsh bruises on your chest. — “Don’t think you’re anything else besides a quick fuck.” ⸝⸝

wc ➘ 26k

pairings popular/bully!yeonjun x nerd!reader(fem) college au ! warnings heavy bullying, violence, exploitation, cheating, drinking, yeonjun is an asshole for 80% of this, redemption arc, some angsty scenes, hurt-comfort sort of? this fic contains 3/4 descriptive smut scenes which include — oral (both f & m), penetrative sex, vaginal fingering, a handjob, lots of degrading (reader receiving) but also a splash of praise, some tit groping, implied marking, very soft sex at the end (yeonjun cries a little), reader is inexperienced = virginity loss, + yeonjun teaching her how to give a blowjob as always lmk if I missed any!

#serene adds ✎ my god this fic has taken literal years off my life. But I could not have been happier with the outcome of it !! It's a long one, but I've tried to keep it interesting throughout it all for a lighter read. I'm not one to beg for feedback, but I will actually get down on my knees this time around. Please please comment/reblog or even send asks with your thoughts on it, I need it to be perceived in any way possible !! hehe please enjoy because I have slaved to get this done (if anyone notices the Skins reference in one scene, lets kiss)

(I was also slightly delirious when I read this through ahem...) anyway, ready, set go !

You don’t exactly know how it started. The cheating, the lying, the sleepless nights, the crying, the heartbreak, Choi Yeonjun. One day he was just…there. You had never met anyone like Yeonjun before yet you knew hundreds of people like him. He was everything, he was the cause of your pain, your tears, your self loathe. — But mostly importantly, Yeonjun was your first love. You would always remember him as that. You suppose it might have started on your first day at that college, back when you were only known as the junior transfer. 

He was a senior. Perhaps it was a bit cliché, you don’t know, you didn’t think so. But you remember it clearly, the first time you saw him. — The air was hot, suffocatingly so, despite it being early October. Your palms were sweaty, and you squeezed them together as your hands remained neatly clasped in front of you. The eyes of the other students weighed a ton and you felt your knees buckle under the pressure. 

Your professor clears his throat as he steps up beside you, gazing out across the classroom. “We have a new student today”, he announces what was already painfully obvious and you felt your cheeks redden further. Apart from a few sniggers here and there, silence follows. “Why don’t you introduce yourself?” His direct question made you flinch as you quickly glanced up from the floor, your gaze flitting between your professor and the large ocean of heads turned in your direction. 

Your introduction was meek, the words getting caught in your throat as you stammered out your name. You could almost hear the smirks plastered on their faces as they drank in your fidgety frame. You jump when you feel your teacher's hand on your shoulder, “your new classmate is a year younger than you guys, but due to her impressive work ethic she has finished the majority of her classes already. She will therefore be joining us for the time being.” — His words of praise felt more like a set up for humiliation and you watched as students leaned over to whisper in each other’s ears, grinning at the words being passed around. You could hear the rumors already. 

“Why don’t you take the seat over there?” Your new professor points to an empty desk by the very back and you breathe out a small sigh of relief, glad to be shielded from the peering eyes of your new classmates. But just as you’re about to step down and make your way toward the safe haven, you lock eyes with him. — Part of his face was shielded by his dark hair but you could clearly make out his brown eyes, staring right back at your own. He’s quick to catch on to your stare and you watch as his lips stretch into a menacing smirk. 

Forcing yourself to look away, you grab onto your bag as you quietly make your way past the many rows of desks. An outstretched foot makes you stumble forward and you barely manage to catch yourself. “Careful”, one of the girls turns in her seat as she eyes you with a not so friendly smile, “wouldn’t want you to fall.” You give her a small nod as you hurriedly continue toward your own desk.

Thankful to have stepped away from the spotlight, you lean back as you let out a small breath. But it wasn’t enough. As class went on you continued to catch the multiple glances thrown your way, the small chuckles, the papers being passed around. It all felt too familiar, and your heart slowly sank. — You pushed the feeling away, focusing on what you did best, studying. Class was a nice distraction, but after an hour and a half it came to an end. And as soon as your professor had shut the door behind him, chaos erupted. 

The scraping of chairs against the stone floor filled the classroom as students turned to get a glimpse of you. It didn’t take long for a small half circle to form around you, and you swallowed the lump in your throat. 

“How did you do it?” 

The first one to speak up was a lanky guy, he leans closer as he studies your uncertain face. Before you could even process the meaning of his question, a girl interrupted him, the same one who had tried to trip you over at the beginning of class. “I bet she slept with them, I mean, she must have.” — Her statement is followed by laughter as people nod in agreement. “But how did you get them in bed?” Another girl asks as she looks you up and down with distaste, “surely it wasn’t whilst looking like that?” More laughter. 

Your face might as well have been on fire as you glanced down toward your notes. “What if she drugged them?” Another guy chimes in as he points an accusing finger toward you. Hurriedly you shake your head as your lips part in a reply, a reply that immediately gets stuck in your throat as you’re interrupted. 

“You guys are being too harsh.” Another voice speaks up, everyone falls silent and soon the crowd parts as the guy you had made eye contact with earlier steps through. He’s followed by two of his friends and the small group stops by your desk. “It’s obvious you guys”, he exclaims as he leans down to come eyelevel with you. When this close, his sharp eyes somehow felt like daggers, boring into your soul as his lips curled into a smirk. 

“She’s a nerd.” He draws out each syllable like it was his last, his lips stretching wider as he sees your face fall. Small gasps and hums of agreement fill the silent room, as if everyone just instantly agreed with whatever he said. “Don’t think of her as anything else”, he drawls, straightening his back once more as he stares you down. 

You soon found out that his name was Choi Yeonjun. 

⸝⸝

Your first day had only proven to be a small trial of the school year ahead. Word had quickly spread of the transfer student who took classes with the seniors, and wherever you went, you had eyes on you. — You tried your best to keep to yourself, to focus on your studies. That was how you had made it through your previous schools. But it seemed futile here, because no matter how low of a profile you kept, they always found a reason to pick and pull at you. 

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing nerd?” She yells as she shoves you against the red lockers and you groan in pain. You couldn’t remember her name, but you knew that she was a senior too, she sat two rows ahead of you and to the left. — Confused, you look up only to be met with a harsh slap to your face. “Don’t play stupid, I know that’s the last thing you are.” She sneers and your lips part in objection, though no words come out. 

The girl signals for her friends to block either side of you, shutting off any escape routes as she rolls up her sleeves. “You think you can just go through my shit like that? That I wouldn’t know?” Her statement baffles you and your eyes widen, “what?” Another slap to your cheek, “right, come on now. Give it back.” 

You frown, “give what back?” Her friends on either side of you grip onto your arms and you wince as they twist your limbs. She scoffs, “my lipstick you idiot, I know it was you. Who else would take it? Besides, I’ve seen the way you eye it whenever I put it on.” — While her words were partly true, you did think that her lipstick was really pretty and often found your gaze lingering whenever she picked it up from her bag, you would never stoop to such a level as stealing. 

“I didn't steal your lipstick”, you croak out and she lets out a huff of disbelief. She goes off on yet another rant but you’re suddenly distracted as your eyes land on the small group of students walking by. 

After your first day, Yeonjun hadn’t addressed you once. He never picked on you, never engaged in gossip about you, he barely even acknowledged your existence. But you knew that he was behind most of what happened to you, because everyone listened to Choi Yeonjun. If he didn’t like what was going on, he would put an end to it, but he never did. 

You often saw him in the halls, he was always followed by his two friends. On your second day you had learned that the three of them were practically inseparable. — To his left was a tall guy, his frame could easily tower over just about anyone, yet he trailed behind his friends quietly with his head hung low. If it wasn’t for the scowl on his face whenever someone dared to glance in his direction, you would have assumed that he was just any other student. His name was Choi Soobin, that much you knew. 

To his right, was perhaps Soobin’s opposite. He was shorter than his friends, not by much, but it made him stick out. His hair fell in uneven sections across his face and he often brushed it away with his pinky whilst he spoke. Unlike Soobin, Choi Beomgyu talked almost all the time, with the occasional input from Yeonjun. Though few of his words were kindhearted. He often picked on you, his comments were snarky and mean, you only ever caught a break when Yeonjun got fed up. 

Then there was Choi Yeonjun, walking in the middle, he gazed ahead as Beomgyu blabbered nonsense into his ear, Soobin following slightly behind them. The Choi’s, that was what people called them. Something to do with their names all being Choi, you thought it was kind of corny. Yet you couldn’t deny the way your eyes lingered on Yeonjun, just a little longer than the rest. 

It wasn’t like you thought that he was handsome or anything, but he was nice to look at…you supposed. And even though you knew better than to pay him any mind, it was hard to tear your gaze away from him. Only when he passed you, did you feel your heart stutter. For the first time since your first day here, he looked at you, if only for a brief moment. His gaze flickered over your practically torn limbs and a small smirk etched its way to his lips. — You felt your knees go weak under his eyes and swallowed hard. 

Though his attention soon returned to the girl draped under his arm, the same girl that had tried to trip you over on your first day. You had found out that she was his girlfriend, her name was Mimi. She twirled a strand of her hair as she whispered something in his ear and Yeonjun chuckled. — Their small party continued past you as if nothing was wrong before disappearing down the hallway, leaving you to face the fate before you. 

⸝⸝

You convinced yourself that it wasn’t a crush, that you simply found him appealing. The topic of crushes stopped being a thing after middle school, right? You, a twenty year old, have a crush? The thought was ridiculous. But no matter what lies you forced into your brain, your heart still beat a little faster whenever he was present, your eyes drifted in his direction and there was nothing you could do to stop them. — So what if you did have a small crush on Choi Yeonjun? It wasn’t going to harm anyone, it wasn’t like you were going to act on it. He had a girlfriend. Whenever you reminded yourself of said fact, a pang of guilt shot through your chest. You know you shouldn’t feel guilty, but it was hard not to. Most of all you felt guilty toward yourself — guilty for letting yourself sink to such a level. 

As October went by, you did your best to stay out of the firing line of your classmates, you kept your head down and did your work. And when there was no work left to do, you spent your time looking at Yeonjun. He really was pretty to look at. — You noted the way he would lean back in his chair, stretching his arms above his head before yawning, his eyes momentarily fluttering closed. Usually, he wasted his classes on his phone, or chatting with Beomgyu, it was unusual for him to be doing any of his coursework. Perhaps he didn’t need to, or he simply didn’t care to. 

Occasionally, you would catch your name slipping past Beomgyu’s lips, your gaze immediately snapping down to your book as your heart practically beat out of your chest. But no matter how many times he mentioned you, pointed at you, sneered at you, Yeonjun never even as much as turned his head in your direction, simply shrugging along to whatever his friend was saying.

The only time Yeonjun looked at you was when everyone else did. That one time someone poured milk over you in the cafeteria, or when you got a basketball in your face during gym. Only when the whole school pointed and laughed, only then did he spare you a fragment of his attention. And maybe you did like it, maybe you did want him to look at you. 

It was kind of pathetic. 

What was perhaps even more pathetic was that one offer you hadn’t been able to pass up. It wasn’t like you could say no to your professor either, right? — “I think there are a few students who would benefit from studying together with you.” You blink up at him as you watch your teacher lean back in his chair. This was why he had called you? To be frank you don’t know what you had expected when he asked you to stay behind after class, but this was far from it. 

“Studying with me?” You repeat as you point a confused finger toward yourself. Sure you worked hard, but that was because you had your mind set on doing so. You doubted that your classmates would want to spend even a second wasted in your presence. 

Your professor sighs as he pinches the bridge of his nose. “You are a clever girl”, he nods toward your latest test result on his desk and your gaze follows his movement as you swallow. “Not to mention the fact that you are a whole year ahead of your peers.” He then adds with a small smile and you silently thank him, even though you were certain that he could smell the hesitation radiating off of you. “Look, it is not something you have to decide on today”, he begins as he gathers the papers on his desk, “but students like Mr. Choi could definitely use a hand in their studies.” 

Your ears perked up at the brief mention of his name, and it was almost embarrassing how quickly your head jerked in the direction of your teacher. Though you did not dare get too ahead of yourself. Shifting on the spot, you softly clear your throat, “Choi…Choi Yeonjun?” Your professor stops to look at you, “why, yes, but you do not have to decide today take the weekend to-” 

“I’ll do it.” 

⸝⸝

You’ll do it? What a joke. 

Your whole weekend was spent pacing back and forth across your room. Teeth gnawing away at your fingernails, your mind wrecked with different scenarios of how that following Monday would play out. What were you honestly thinking, saying yes like that? — With an exasperated groan, you flop down on your bed. Staring at the ceiling, you envision Yeonjun, a furious Yeonjun, or maybe a jeering one, you didn’t know which approach he would take. But surely he wouldn’t be happy once the news reached him, unless they already had?

Briefly you considered calling in sick that Monday. You had never called in sick before, at least you couldn’t remember doing so; recalling the multiple times you had ignored the fever in your body as you marched on to class. Not to mention that time you had the flu and still sat through your three hour long exam. — Were you really considering calling in sick over a mere guy. But it wasn’t just a guy, it was Choi Yeonjun. 

Regardless of the situation, you still went to school on Monday. But as soon as you stepped inside the classroom, you could tell that something was different. It was like the air had shifted. And as you made your way to the back of the room, carefully taking your seat, not a single one of your classmates bothered to pick on you. Instead they all occupied themselves with whatever they had in front of them. It was odd to say the least. 

In regular fashion, the classroom door swings open during the very last minute as Beomgyu saunters inside. Behind him follows Soobin and Yeonjun, both in the midst of a hushed conversation. You find your gaze instinctively lingering by Yeonjun’s tall frame, fingers twirling your pen mindlessly in your hand. It isn’t until you glance up and find his eyes already boring holes into your own, that you’re suddenly ripped from your trance. 

Yeonjun was looking at you. He was actually looking at you, no, he was glaring at you. The realization was enough to send your heart into a frenzy as you swallowed a gulp. His gaze is unwavering as he approaches his desk, still conversing with his friend, but his eyes remain entirely on you.  — Sweat builds on your forehead and you grip your pencil tightly. No matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t find yourself to break his gaze. You knew that you were giving him exactly what he wanted by letting his eyes practically tear you apart, so why couldn’t you pull away? 

It isn’t until the classroom door opens yet again that he puts out the fire he had momentarily created between the two of you, his eyes shifting toward board as your professor clears his throat, ready to begin today’s lecture. As his monotone voice fills the room, you breathe out a sigh of relief, glad to be out of his sight. 

He had to have known by now, the nasty looks he shot you throughout the day were more than telling. For someone who never even paid you as much as a second thought, it was most unusual for Yeonjun’s full attention to be directed toward you. Even during lunch, you could feel his eyes on you as he sat by his usual table. With Mimi on his lap and Beomgyu talking in his ear, his gaze still remained on your slumped figure as you focused on your plate of food. 

⸝⸝

Your professor had helped set up today’s session, but after that you would have to schedule them on your own. You were supposed to meet by the library, at 5:15pm that Monday. — You were there by 4:55. It took you about five minutes to pick a suitable table, not too close to the door, not in a corner somewhere, but also not in the center of the room, perhaps you were overthinking it. Deep breath in, deep breath out. Desperately you tried to calm your nerves as your trembling hands brought out your notebook and pencil case. 

By 5:15 you were ready, actually you had been ready for the past ten minutes. The small library had been vacant even when you arrived, you didn’t know if you felt relieved at the fact or not. — By 5:25 you started to think that he might not show up. Out of all possible scenarios fabricated in your way too creative brain, the one of him not even bothering to come hadn’t crossed your mind at all. What would you do then? Accept defeat? Tell your professor? Talk to him in class? Neither option seemed too appealing. 

It’s 5:32 when the doors creak open. Hesitantly, you lift your gaze as you watch Yeonjun’s eyes wander across the room, finally landing on you. His face morphed into a scowl and you felt your stomach drop. You notice that he hasn’t brought any study materials along with him and you bite the inside of your cheek. The short breath he lets go of echoes out into the silent library and then he marches toward you. — You don’t have time to think before he’s by your table, the palm of his hand slamming against the wood with such force that your pencils rattle, and you flinch. 

“Do you think this is some kind of sick joke?” He sounds agitated, his hot breath searing through his gritted teeth as his nostrils flared. Your once tense jaw falls open as your brows draw together in a confused frown. — “I mean, I knew you had a thing for me. But don’t you think this is going too far?” He sounds almost hysterical as a grin spreads across his lips. 

You felt color rushing to your cheeks at his words. Did he know? Could he tell by your small glances? But you thought you were being subtle. Yeonjun seems to be reading your mind as he runs a lazy hand through his hair, “oh come on now nerd, for someone so clever you really are quite oblivious.”

“Did you honestly think I wouldn’t notice the way you eye-fucked me every single opportunity you got?” He sneers, tilting his head to the side as he watches you with a cruel look of distaste. Your lips part but no words come out. So you shake your head, you didn’t know who you were trying to convince, him or yourself. “It wasn’t like that…” 

He scoffs, “no?” Suddenly his face is only inches from yours, and you had to force your gaze not to stray down to his lips as he spoke. “Then what is it?” He murmurs, so close that you could almost taste his words on your tongue. You swallow, hard. What was it? You didn’t know, you didn’t want to answer, he couldn’t make you answer, could he? 

His grin widens as a low chuckle rumbles in his chest. “No way”, he shakes his head as one of his hands grip the backrest of your chair, easily twisting you to face him fully. His previously cocky expression was replaced with a look of sympathy, his voice now laced with pity. 

“Don’t tell me you’ve got a little crush, nerd.” He spits the words out and you’re quick to shake your head, denying his blunt accusations. “I don’t”, you stammer, leaning back as far as your chair would allow you to. — “You’re telling me you’re doing this out of goodwill?” He asks as he tilts his head to the side. He hardly seems moved by your denial, but when you quietly nod his smug face turns into a snarl. “Do you think I’m stupid?” 

“What? No, no, no that’s not what I-” You stop yourself before getting another word out, it felt like no matter what you said, you only worsened the already sour situation. Yeonjun exhales, his warm breath slamming against your already hot face. He leans back, taking a seat on the edge of the table as his hands dig into the pockets of his uniform. Confused, you watch him as he silently gets comfortable. 

“What do you want then?” He finally asks and you blink up at him. “My number? Is that it?” He wonders as he fishes up his phone, unlocking it as he pulls up his contacts. You shake your head and he frowns, “then what?” — Your lips part and you motion toward the books in front of you, “just…”

“Don’t tell me you want me to fuck you, because that would be pathetic, even for you nerd.” 

His statement catches you so off guard that you almost hit your leg on the chair opposite your own. “What?” You whisper, unsure of the fact that you had even heard him correct. You knew that there was no such universe in which someone like Choi Yeonjun would ever view you in that way, so it felt almost bizarre to hear those words leave his lips so casually. 

He sighs as he gets up from the table, leaning down to become eye level with you once more. “I mean, I get that you’re desperate, believe me”, he lets his gaze drop to your chest for a brief second. “Looking like that, I’m sure it’s hard to get by”, he hums, and in that moment, you wished for the ground to swallow you whole. 

It had been a foolish idea to even consider doing this, even more to say yes. If you had only turned your professor’s offer down, none of this would have happened. Because in all honesty, if this was how Yeonjun looked at you, with such menace and fabricated pity, you think you preferred it when he paid your existence no mind. 

“But you’re lucky”, he murmurs before leaning even closer, his breath mingling with your own. Lucky? What a joke, you thought. — You flinch when you feel the light caress of his fingers on your shoulder as they slowly entangle themselves in your hair. “I’m feeling particularly nice today”, he smirks and your eyes involuntarily dart down to his perfectly plump and pink lips. “Besides”, he drawls, his hand moving to cup your cheek. 

“I’ve never fucked a nerd before.” 

You barely get the chance to second guess his words when Yeonjun presses his lips against yours. Immediately you freeze as your shoulders jerk up and your back curls against the chair. The hand on your cheek moves to your chin as he grabs ahold of your face, forcing his tongue inside your mouth and you let out a small shriek. — He hums against you, his eyes fluttering closed, lips moving on top of your unresponsive ones. 

A moment later he pulls back. “You kiss like a virgin”, he states as he wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. As soon as the words left his lips, he grins, “but I bet you are.” — Still too stunned to even speak after his sudden course of action, you merely shake your head as you glance between him and the floor. You weren’t a complete virgin, you did have a boyfriend back in high school. Not that the two of you ever went further than kissing though, and even then, his kisses were nothing like Yeonjun’s. 

Hesitantly you meet his gaze, swallowing down the nerves bubbling in your throat. “Come on now nerd”, he murmurs as his hands grip onto the armrests of your chair, large arms entrapping you against the old wood. “You’ve done it now haven’t you?” — “You got me here all to yourself, why don’t you use it to your advantage hm?” His eyes gleamed with mischief and you knew better than to trust his persuasive ways. Still you found it hard to do anything besides gawk at him, in utter disbelief of what was currently happening. 

Biting your lip, you let your eyes flit down to his parted lips, focusing a little too long on the sheer layer of saliva that coated them. Yeonjun is quick to pick up on the subtle shift in your focus and he chuckles. You clearly see the way he moves closer, but it still doesn’t register that he’s kissing you again until his tongue molds against your own. Despite your initial shock, you try your best to kiss him back this time. You knew that you were probably horrible, but even then, he didn’t say anything.

Your breath catches in your throat when his hand envelops one of your breasts, groping it softly. “Don’t tell me you’ve never had your tits touched?” He drawls, easily noting your uncertain approach. Your silence is almost deafening and the way you squirm when he pinches one of your nipples tells him everything he needs to know. With a small frown he pulls back, just enough for you to see his face. He looks conflicted, tongue prodding against the inside of his cheek as he runs a hand through his hair. “Fuck, you really are a virgin aren’t you?” He sounds almost…serious and you find yourself slowly nodding as you grip the hem of your skirt tightly. 

Yeonjun sighs and you hear him mutter something under his breath. His gaze snaps back to you and you can see the shift in his eyes once he settles on a decision. “Alright”, he states before quickly dropping to his knees. Baffled you follow his direct movement, shrieking as his hands on your knees part your legs. “We’ll start slow”, he hums as his fingers dance across the exposed skin of your thighs, your weak arms easily giving up when he pushes your skirt up. 

“No need to be nervous”, he reassures you as his fingers hook around the hem of your panties, “I’ve done this plenty of times.” With that, he tugs your underwear down, past your knees, letting them pool around your ankles before his attention shifts to your exposed core. Your legs close in an attempt to shield yourself from his invasive stare but Yeonjun only gruffs out a short breath as he breaks your knees apart once more. — When he doesn’t say anything you grow worried, clearing your throat awkwardly as you shift on the chair. You had never done anything like this before so you had no idea if his silence was a good or a bad thing. 

You don’t have to ponder for long as his fingers suddenly graze your folds. The touch was unexpected and you jolted forward as you tried to suppress the surprised noise threatening to escape. The smirk stretching across his lips only grows as Yeonjun basks in the way you react to his simple touch, you were far easier than any of the girls he’d been with. — “Ever had anyone touch you like this?” He asks, his voice a low murmur as his attention remains on his fingers sliding against your cunt, gathering the slick that formed as he smeared it all over you. 

Meekly you shake your head, breathing out a small “no.” He seems satisfied with your answer, his ego inflating by the minute as he watches you writher under his small touches. Everything still felt so surreal, there was no way that this was actually happening, was it? You’re reminded of all the times you had watched him from afar, sneaking shy glances at him during class, before and after school, in the cafeteria, where he sat with his friends and…and his girlfriend. The reminder is enough to pull you from whatever euphoric state that transpired within your body as you jerked away from his touch. 

Yeonjun’s eyes snap to you with a hint of curiosity and you bite the inside of your cheek, drawing in a small breath before daring to speak. “M-Mimi… w-what about her?” — He groans, a frustrated groan, and you wonder if you overstepped. “Nerd, someone like you, doesn’t count as cheating, got it?” He holds your gaze, speaking clearly, as if giving instructions to a toddler. He grins, a menacing grin, “besides, shouldn’t you be happy? I’m giving you what your perverted little mind has craved since you first stepped foot here.” Sheepishly you nod, heat rushing to your cheeks at the blunt statements he made. 

Choi Yeonjun was bold, his words were harsh, and a lot of times they hurt. For some reason that made you like him even more. 

“Now stop asking obvious questions”, he grunts as his hands trail along your thighs, pulling you forward on the chair, ignoring the way you squeal when he nuzzles his face between your legs. — It felt far from what it looked like in the movies, or even in porn. Yeonjun's hot breath against your core, his tongue dragging across your folds, it made the hairs on the back of your neck stand and you gasped as he flicked your clit. 

It was almost impossible to control the way your thighs twitched, squishing either side of his head as you fought to remain composed. A small whine left your lips as he latched on to your sensitive flesh, licking and sucking on it as if it was the only thing he was capable of doing. You barely register the way one of his hands grab onto your trembling ones, guiding them to his hair as he hums against your cunt. “Don’t be so awkward”, he mutters, his tongue dwelling deep inside of you, eliciting a moan from you as your fingers immediately twist in his dark locks. 

Never in a million years had you thought that the study session that you had been far too eager to agree to would turn into something like this. And that Choi Yeonjun of all people would be the first one to see such a part of you. — You didn’t know if it was such a good thing. But it was impossible to form a single coherent thought with him between your legs, mouth falling open in surprise as his nose bumps up against your clit. He doesn’t seem to mind when you push yourself further onto his face, practically grinding your hips on his mouth as small noises of pleasure ripped from deep within your throat. You were thankful that the library had been vacant for hours. 

“Y-Yeonjun!” His name falls from your lips without registering in your brain beforehand and you almost slap a hand over your mouth as realization washes over you. Yeonjun on the other hand, only chuckles, the sound sending vibrations against your sensitive cunt and you whimper as he withdraws his tongue from within you. — A somewhat familiar sensation bubbled in the depths of your stomach. It wasn’t like you hadn’t had an orgasm before, but the occurrence was rare, you didn’t exactly spend much time with yourself like that. 

His name is pulled from your chest once more and his grip on your thighs tighten. “You got something to say, nerd?” He wonders without leaning away from you, hot mouth working against your throbbing core as he draws moans and whines from you. “C-close..” you mumble, feeling your cheeks redden at the small statement, and you were suddenly glad that he was unable to see your flustered face. 

“Cum on my face then, bet you’ve never done that before.” 

The comment was mean, possibly even degrading, but it still made you clench incoherently around nothing as you released against his waiting lips. To your surprise, he doesn’t immediately pull away, his face remaining between your legs as he laps up the aftermath of your orgasm, drinking in the taste of you with a small satisfied groan. — And when he does finally tear himself from your sore cunt, you can barely look him in the eyes, ashamed at what had just transpired between the two of you. Yeonjun doesn’t seem affected in the slightest, his thumb wiping away the sticky fluids on his chin before popping them in his mouth. The sight should not have made you throb but it did and you bit your lip. 

Without warning, he suddenly gets up as he dusts off his pants. “W-where are you going?” You’re unable to stop yourself from asking. He shoots you a glance that says ‘well isn’t it obvious?’ He sighs, frustrated by your blunt obliviousness, “our session is over, isn’t it?” 

You blink at him, still recovering from your climax as you pull your panties back on. “But the study-” — “You’ve got what you wanted, haven’t you?” He states as he stares down at you, much like he had on your first day, and your words suddenly fall short as you meet his gaze. Shaking his head, a small chuckle escaped his lips, “I’ll see you tomorrow, nerd.” 

The last thing you hear are the library doors slamming shut before the room is enveloped in a deafening silence once more.   

⸝⸝

Everything had returned to normal the following Tuesday. You could barely wrap your head around it. The snarky comments were back, the pestering stares, whatever had roamed the air yesterday seemed to have completely vanished and you were left dumbfounded. — There was only one exceptionally different thing. Choi Yeonjun.

Part of you had hoped that he wouldn’t come to class, but that was a foolish thought. You hear him before you see him, or rather, you hear Beomgyu’s obnoxiously loud voice echoing off the hallways as The Choi’s approach. The classroom falls into a hushed murmur as the door swings open and the three of them enter. — You had told yourself that you would avoid him at all costs. That meant not speaking to him, not looking at him, not even glancing in the same direction as him. 

You found it to be very hard. But the shame over what had happened not even 24 hours prior kept your gaze trained to the pages of your notebook. Not even as he pulled out his chair, making an agonizingly scraping noise that cut through the otherwise quiet room, did your eyes stray from the words in front of you, rereading them over and over as you tried to get your brain to register them. — You lasted approximately two minutes. 

One small peek his way confirmed your every fear. Leaning back in his chair, Yeonjun paid you no mind as he scrolled through his phone, one of his hands rubbing the back of his neck as he did. He acted…just like he usually did, as if nothing had happened between the two of you. For a moment you had worried that he would tell everyone, that was a shame you wouldn’t be able to bear. But perhaps he was trying to spare his own reputation, you could only hope he would keep quiet. Did he regret it? Probably. Why wouldn’t he? 

What was perhaps even worse than his indifferent mannerism toward you was when Mimi greeted him with a kiss. Flinging her arms around his neck, she pulls him close as she practically shoves her tongue down his throat. Beomgyu makes a vile comment before turning to Soobin but besides that, no one else paid them much mind. Except you. The guilt was eating you alive, and you weren’t even the one who had cheated. What would happen if she found out, would she break up with him? Surely she would find a way to put the entire blame on you. You did not dare think of how miserably you would be treated if she found out. It couldn’t happen. You would have to talk to Yeonjun about it, one way or another. 

But how? 

You tried approaching him at lunch, but you only managed one step in his direction before you chickened out. Then you tried again before English, this time you made it halfway before Soobin swooped in right in front of you, his tall frame covering Yeonjun completely from view and you sighed. Your last shot was after gym. As everyone ventured toward the locker rooms you trailed behind, Yeonjun had, too, stayed to talk with your professor but just as you were about to approach, a tap on your shoulder freezes you in place. 

“The hell are you staring at, nerd?” Beomgyu’s voice is filled with distaste as he eyes your sweaty figure, his nose turning up in disgust. Stunned, you fumble for words as your eyes dart between him and Yeonjun, just a few paces away. “N-nothing I was just…” — “Just leaving, right?” He cocks an eyebrow at you and you quickly nod. “Y-Yeah”, you squeak out before rushing off. Why did his friends never stray from his side? It made things so difficult. 

You were always the last one to leave the changing rooms. Hiding away in the bathroom, you waited for the other girls to finish before you dared to venture out and get changed yourself. It had become somewhat of a routine, not that it was particularly comfortable, but as it was your last lesson of the day, you weren't in any rush. — Whilst you get dressed, your mind concludes with a ton of ideas to approach Yeonjun. It would have to be when there was no one else around, before or after school seemed like your best bet. The only remaining problem was his friends, who seemed to be glued to his side. 

Grabbing your bag, you walk over to the exit as you think of a way to get him alone. But as the door to the locker room closes behind you, it seems your problems have solved themselves for you. 

“What took you so long?” 

Yeonjun’s sharp voice startles you and you almost drop the bag in your hands as your head snaps in his direction. Leaning against the wall, his own gym bag swung over his shoulder, Yeonjun studies you with an indifferent expression plastered across his face. Your mouth falls open as you peer down the empty hallway, completely at loss for words. “Y-you waited for me?” You splutter as your attention shifts back to him. 

He purses his lips as he clicks his tongue against the roof of his mouth, “yes, but I’m starting to regret it.” — “Do you always take this long?” His voice is laced with annoyance and you swallow as you shake your head. “I- I mean I…I didn’t know you were waiting I..” 

“Whatever, it doesn’t matter.” He waves your meek explanation off as he shifts against the wall. Still confused on why he was even here in the first place, you bite your tongue as you wait for him to speak first. But out of everything he could’ve said to you, you had not expected the next words that were to come out of his mouth. 

“When’s our next study session?”

What? He wanted to have another study session? You had been prepared to confront him about yesterday, to tell him, no beg him, to keep quiet. Yet he was asking for another session? You were sure he could read the bewilderment on your face as his lips drew into a grin. “N-next session?” You gawk out as your mouth repeatedly opens and closes. He rolls his eyes before huffing out a short breath of air, “yes our next session, we never settled on a date.” — Well you didn’t think he wanted to, you had planned on telling your professor that the whole ordeal had been unsuccessful but here he was, asking for a redo? 

Was it a good idea to say yes? Considering how last time had played out, the answer was probably not. — “I- I’m free whenever.” But you obviously were very bad at listening to your gut instincts. However the smile that spread across his face made it all worth it, you felt your heart speeding up at the endearing sight. “Perfect”, he chimes, “then we’ll do tomorrow 5:30.” You nod but before you can get another word out he adds, “third floor, room 291.” 

Would you guys not be studying in the library? Despite your slight uneasiness, you nod, “alright.” — “Make sure no one sees you on the way there, and don’t be late.” He warns before turning on his heel and walking off. You were left stunned as you leaned against the wall, still gripping your bag tightly in your hands as you tried to process what had just happened. 

⸝⸝

Wednesday rolls around, the day progresses just like any other would. But something feels different, you feel different. It’s a different kind of excitement, bubbling in the pits of your stomach. You had barely gotten any sleep last night, which was a warning sign on its own because you always made sure to get 8 hours. But you don’t feel tired, not in the slightest. And as the last bell of the day rings, you hurry to the bathroom. 

You never fussed over your appearance, far too busy with having a book stuck under your nose. But today felt different, sure the two of you were just studying, it didn’t mean that you couldn’t make an effort if you wanted to look nice, right? 

The sound of bathroom stalls slamming behind you shifts your attention to a group of girls passing by. They all stop as they watch you apply a clear gloss to your lips, their noses scrunching up in disgust. “What’s gotten into that freak?” One of them mutters as she makes a move toward you, only to be stopped by one of her friends. “Don’t, you might get contaminated”, she sneers and the small group burst out into a fit of giggles. — Holding back a small sigh, you ignore them as you wait for them to leave before daring to do the same. 

Your shoes echo off the now almost empty hallways, it was late enough to where few students lingered behind. Still unfamiliar with the building, you made your way to the third floor. You took no classes here and you had to rely on the numbered doors in order to find 291. It takes a while but soon you’re standing in front of it. 

Your hands tremble as you hurriedly glance down the hallway, making sure no one saw you. When your gaze returns to the door you realize that it was a lot smaller than the others, its red paint standing out amongst the otherwise beige ones. That was odd. Yet you push any concerns aside as you reach out to twist the handle. 

Upon stepping inside you quickly realize that this was not a classroom. The room was small, crowded shelves pushed up against all walls, displaying a large range of items, from old books to tools such as screwdrivers and wrenches. Your eyes scan across the multitude of contents as your mind tries to piece together the scene before you. 

“You’re awfully punctual”, Yeonjun drawls as he emerges from a shadowed corner. You jump as you turn to him with a confused frown, “what’s this?” — He grins, his hands digging deep into his pockets as he leans against one of the shelves, “this is where our study sessions will be taking place from now on”, he explains as he motions for you to have a look around. From now on? But there was hardly room to study here, was there? 

Quickly noting your perplexed expression, Yeonjun’s grin widens. “Well come on now, nerd. You didn’t actually think I was planning on sitting down and doing algebra with you?” Your frown deepens, lips parting as your eyes dart between him and the cramped space. “But what…then why are we here?” You ask as you readjust the rather heavy bag on your shoulder. —  He chuckles, shaking his head as he takes a step forward, that single step is enough to get him right in front of you, his chest dangerously close to yours. His hand slides up your arm, reaching your shoulder as he hooks two fingers under the strap holding your bag. “Use that clever little brain of yours for something other than your studies, and maybe you will start to see the bigger picture.” 

Your bag hits the floor with a thud as Yeonjun’s hand returns to your shoulder, fingers twiddling the collar of your blouse as he waits for the wheels in your head to finally turn. And when they do, you glance up at him, your eyes wide with realization. “Yeonjun I… I don’t know…” Your eyes flit toward the door, mind altering between your options, stay or go, stay or go, stay or– 

“Tell me now.” 

His voice is calm and his posture remains stoic as he peers down at you. “I’m not about to waste my time on a loser like you if you’re not even into it.” He sneers as his hand lets go of your collar, pushing you back, only slightly, but enough for you to hit the shelf behind you. Was he seriously asking for your opinion right now, for your consent? Choi Yeonjun was willing to spend time on you, with you. The news were hard to melt and you found yourself awkwardly gazing up at him as your mind fumbled for an answer. 

“What’s it going to be, nerd?” He tsk’s before leaning forward, one of his hands resting on the shelf next to your face as he cages you against it. Briefly you considered turning back, walking away, to return to your otherwise dull life as you watched him from afar. You remembered Mimi, his girlfriend, the guilt and shame, suddenly it came crashing down all over again. But you also remembered his words: “someone like you, doesn’t count as cheating”. Had he really meant that? If not, why else would he be here right now? 

In the end, you nod. “O-Okay”, your voice comes out as a small peep and you curse yourself for not controlling it better. The smug smirk that immediately crawled onto his face should have been a waving warning flag, yet you ignore it, too caught up in the way his eyes darted to your lips, eyeing the clear coat of gloss you’d previously applied. His thumb swipes across the sticky substance. “I was about to tell you not to disappoint me”, he murmurs before pulling your lip down, “but I can already tell that you won’t.” 

Your heart swelled at the small praise, and you leaned into his touch. You hear him scoff at your blunt advances, his lips twitching as he eyes your eager figure. “You virgins really are gullible.” — He presses his mouth against yours, making you gasp in surprise as your pupils blow wide. In what you guessed to be an attempt at loosening you up, his hands roam up and down your sides, settling on your waist as he pushes himself closer, grinding his hips against yours. 

You had no clue of what to focus on, his tongue in your mouth, his hands on your waist, or the way his thigh pushed between your legs, rubbing against your panties in a way that had you practically squealing. — You knew that he was enjoying the reactions he pulled from you, ever so sensitive to his smallest of touches. It’s not long before his hand is on your thigh, gradually moving along your skin before reaching the hem of your underwear. He pushes the fabric to the side, fingers sliding across your already pathetically wet folds before finding your clit, as if they had done this a hundred times.

The moans you emit are all swallowed by his hungry lips on yours as he lets you grind yourself onto his hand. None of the previous hesitation you had felt during your session in the library was present in your mind, all you could think about was how good he felt, how you didn't want him to stop, and how you wanted more, a lot more. 

“More.” 

You can feel him smirk against you, your desperate whine ringing out into the hot air. — “Yeah?” He muses before pulling back, his lips are coated in your clear gloss, the sight was strangely enticing and you find yourself nibbling on your own lip as you sheepishly nod. He chuckles, pressing his lips against yours whilst he hikes your leg around his waist, the small adjustment bringing you even closer to him, and as you feel the hard bulge through his pants, reality slowly sets in. 

But you can’t stop now, you don’t want to. The sound of him undoing his zipper becomes a muffled noise somewhere in the background as your arms wrap around his neck, clinging to him in every way possible. — He breaks the kiss, confused, your eyes flutter open as you try and peer at him in the dim light of the storage room. You briefly catch him tearing a small package open with his teeth and for a moment you’re left completely dumbfounded before realizing that it must’ve been a condom. 

People wore condoms for one of two reasons, either they were avoiding knocking someone up, or they were afraid of catching diseases. But what disease could you possibly be carrying? So that would mean… You don’t have time to ponder on the matter further as you feel the tip of his cock against your folds. Immediately your eyes shoot open as your hands grip onto his shoulders. Suddenly everything seemed very real, perhaps a little too real. 

“Tell me if it hurts”, he murmurs, his forehead leaning against your own and you meekly nod. Was it supposed to hurt? You draw in a sharp breath as you feel him slowly push inside, the stretch of his fingers had been nothing compared to this and you felt completely unprepared. His movements come to an abrupt halt as he leans back to gauge your reaction with a wary expression. Quickly nodding, you loosen your grip on his shoulders, breathing out a small “‘m fine.” 

“Yeah?” He wonders and you nod once more. Only when he’s fully inside, do you dare let out the breath you had been holding in; feeling your body relax against his. “You feelin’ okay?” His genuine question catches you off guard and you give a small nod of assurance. “Y-Yeah I am..” — He smirks, then he captures your lips in a small kiss, the gesture distracts you from the moment he begins to move, gently rocking his hips into you and you gasp against his mouth. 

“Fuck”, he grunts. With one hand around your waist and the other maintaining a steady grip on the shelf behind you, he slowly thrusts inside of you. “Are all virgins this tight?” He murmurs, the question was rhetorical and he doesn’t give you the chance to answer, “or is it just you nerd?” — “I bet it is.” He sounds menacing but his ragged breathing makes it hard for you to tell if he’d really meant it or not. 

The items on the shelf rattle as his pace grows quicker, harsher, drawing moans and whimpers from you with every move his hips, cock stretching you wide as you claw against his shoulders. He leans back, enough to where he can watch the way your lips part, your now smudged gloss spread across your cheeks and chin as you whine. His gaze drops to your chest, fingers quickly beginning to work on the buttons that concealed you from him. Flicking them open one by one, Yeonjun’s hand quickly tears your blouse apart, eyes darting to your plump breasts as they bounced in rhythm with his movement. 

“You’ve got some nice tits for a nerd”, he muses, his hand groping your chest as his thumb flicks along your covered nipple. Feeling your cheeks redden, you only moan as he draws deeper inside of you, the tip of his cock brushing against parts of you that made you squirm. — Yeonjun made you think of yourself, see yourself, in ways you never had before, and it was exciting. 

“Has anyone ever told you that, hm?” He sneers, his hand pushing your breasts together as he watches the flesh squish against one another, groaning at the sight. Unable to form a single coherent thought, much less a full sentence, you merely shake your head. “Well you do. You got some of the nicest tits I’ve ever seen.” He grunts, hips snapping against you. The compliment makes you throb around him, your orgasm approaching at a rapid pace and your fairly short nails dig into his shoulders. 

“P-Please”, you wail and Yeonjun rolls his eyes, letting out a gruff sigh. “Thought you would last longer than this, nerd.” — “But don’t worry”, he murmurs, leaning in close as his lips trail the shell of your ear, “it comes with practice.” He moves down your neck, prepping your skin in soft kisses before he pulls it between his teeth. 

You whimper when his thumb rubs at your clit, legs trembling around his waist as your hands move to his hair, fingers threading through his dark locks before securely latching on. It doesn’t take much for your high to hit, your cunt clenching down around his cock as it pulls him in further. — Yeonjun curses under his breath as his hips jerk forward before stuttering. In the pure ecstasy of the moment, you roughly pull his face from your neck as you crash your lips against his. You knew that it was messy, sloppy and uncalculated, but you didn’t care as long as you got to feel him this close to you. 

You hear him sigh, you can’t tell if he’s content or not. But a moment later he breaks the kiss, gazing at you with a clouded expression as a small grin tugs at his mouth. He bites his lip, eyes dropping to your chest one final time before he pulls out, making you wince at the sudden feel of emptiness. — “Not too bad for a first timer”, he comments as he rids himself off the condom. You open your mouth to say something but he beats you to it. 

“Same time Friday, got it?”   

⸝⸝

Your study sessions with Yeonjun became a regular thing, and every instance was just like the former. They would take place after school, in room 291, shielded away from prying eyes as he had his way with you. You were there, at his every beck and call, never once showing up late nor canceling. — It was both thrilling and excruciating. You knew that whatever transpired between the two of you was nothing personal and only temporary. Yet you couldn’t help but long for something more; you longed for Yeonjun to like you back. 

It was probably a selfish thought, a selfish fantasy. But the images of Mimi flashing before your eyes, which had previously filled you with both dread and guilt, were suddenly replaced with a feeling of superiority. Because even if she didn’t know it, her boyfriend fucked someone else on the side, her boyfriend was cheating on her, with you. And it felt good. Often you had to hold yourself back from letting said fact slip past your lips. The scenarios would sometimes look something like this… 

“Watch where you’re going, nerd.” Mimi spits after purposefully crashing into you in an almost empty hallway that provided more than enough room for two parties to pass. Her friends turn to you with a scowl as they fold their arms across their chests. Your eyes dart between them and their vengeful leader before flitting down the long corridor, down to where The Choi’s were hanging out. 

Making the mistake of letting your gaze linger, garners her attention as Mimi snaps her fingers in front of your face. “What the fuck are you looking at nerd?” She barks as her eyes follow yours. She scoffs, her lips curling into a smirk, “do you think my boyfriend looks good or something?” Her question rips your attention back as you feverishly shake your head. — Mimi only laughs, her friends quickly joining in as she tucks a strand of hair behind her ear.

“It’s okay, I don’t blame you, really.” She tries to appear nice, perhaps even pitiful, but the malicious intent behind her words linger. You shake your head once more, “no I wasn’t I..” She holds up a finger to silence you, “come on now, it’s obvious. Everyone knows you have a thing for him.” She practically giggles as she covers her painted lips with a hand. Your cheeks feel as if they were on fire, your gaze dropping to your shoes as you bite the inside of your cheek. 

“But don’t worry”, she leans closer, her breath, which reeked of the strawberry bubblegum she always chewed, fans across your face. “You’re not exactly his type.” 

The statement almost made you scoff. Not his type? Was that what it was? You briefly considered telling her, telling her what her boyfriend was doing behind her back, and with the school nerd at that. The one girl she thought she didn’t have to worry about. It was almost a bit comedic. But you held your tongue. No matter how bad you wanted to crush whatever illusion she had going on, you couldn’t. Besides, Yeonjun would probably just deny it, and who would believe you?

Speaking of Choi Yeonjun. — He had become almost insufferable outside of your sessions. From barely looking at you in class to bringing attention to you at almost every possible second, Yeonjun was now the sole epitome of the bullying you endured. Whether it was the nasty and mean comments he shared with Beomgyu, his words echoing out through the classroom as he brought the whole class to laughter. Or the multiple times in which he’d trip you over in the hallways, undoubtedly peeking up your skirt as he did, but of course, no one noticed that, and if they did, they didn’t fault him. 

Choi Yeonjun did nothing wrong. He never did. So when he invites you to a party, your very first one, you don't know what to say. 

“Think about it”, he huffs as he zips his pants back up. The air in the small storage unit felt hot and stuffy, your clothes sticking to your sweaty body as you pulled your panties on. “I don’t know..” you quietly murmur, glancing down toward the dark floor as you twist your hands behind your back. — Yeonjun sighs, running a hand through his hair before he tries again. “Why not? Don’t tell me you’re scared.” 

You shake your head. “I’m not. But…I don’t know anyone, I don’t… I can’t just show up there.” You argue before swallowing the lump in your throat. It had been an outright baffling proposal on his side. What would people think if you just turned up? — “Tell them I invited you, they’ll let you in.” You blink up at him, was he being for real right now? 

“Y-You?” He nods, as if it was a given. “Make sure to wear something half decent at least.” He says, giving your shoulder a pat before he pushes past you and out of the small room, leaving you in the dark once more. 

⸝⸝

Something half decent? What was something, half decent? You didn’t know, and it took you about an hour to pick out a dress you thought would be suitable. It wasn’t particularly short, stopping at your knees, the dark purple complimented your skin nice, you thought. But it felt uncomfortable to walk in, and with one hand wrapped around the fabric, you pull it down as you near the driveway of a large villa. 

Your eyes flit across the scenery, it was dark out, but the house remained lit despite the late hour. Music was playing, loud enough to where the beat echoed out across the empty street. Swallowing a gulp, you run a hand through your styled hair one final time before daring to step inside.

Immediately you’re greeted by a large number of perplexed eyes, everyone slowly turning to you as you venture further into the villa, reaching the filled kitchen space. “What’s she doing here?” “Did someone invite her?” “I can’t believe she would actually show up.” — You cringe at their remarks, trying your best to ignore them as your eyes scan for Yeonjun. What if he wasn’t here? What if this had all been a ploy to draw you out and humiliate you further. You shouldn’t have come here, you really should– 

“What the fuck are you doing here?”

Mimi��s harsh voice snaps you from your small trance as she immediately corners you. Freezing on the spot, your hands curl into fists as you turn to her. Desperate for a way to defend yourself, to explain the situation, or to just escape all together, your mind spirals with excuses. Your lips part but you can’t seem to get a single syllable out. “Come on nerd, I asked you a question.” She huffs, growing impatient as she takes a step forward, her chest almost touching yours. 

“I’m…I..” Could you really tell her that her boyfriend invited you? Would she believe you? No, of course not, no one would. You bite the inside of your cheek, eyes flitting across the crowded kitchen. — “Did you come here to make a scene or something? I mean come on, you’re not even a senior.” Her comment makes everyone hum in agreement as they nod, some even sharing a couple of laughs. 

She was right, and even if she wasn’t, it wouldn’t matter. You stood no chance against anyone in this room. Tears prickle in the corner of your eyes and for the first time since you came here, you actually felt like crying. Taking in a small breath, you slowly exhale again. “Well I…” 

“I invited her.” 

Your heart practically froze over as Yeonjun’s voice cut through the tense air. Quiet murmurs carry out through the room as everyone redirects their attention. Somewhere in front of you, you can hear Mimi scoff as she takes a small step back. “What?” She questions and you finally dare to lift your gaze, your eyes immediately locking with Yeonjun’s as he leans against the kitchen island, seemingly unbothered by the small uproar taking place. 

Mimi on the other hand seemed to be fuming as she glanced between her boyfriend and you. “What do you mean you invited her?” She seethes, her voice laced with hatred and spite. Yeonjun shrugs as he digs his hands into his pockets, an indifferent look on his face. “Come on now, loosen up a little. It’s our responsibility as her seniors to take good care of her, don’t you agree?” He lets his gaze wander across the multiple eyes directed at him, everyone seeming to break under his stare as they quietly nod. 

He cocks an eyebrow in the direction of his girlfriend, “then there’s no problem, hm?” Mimi’s mouth had fallen open as she watched him win everyone over within a matter of seconds. Though quickly regaining her composure as she nods, muttering out a quiet, “whatever”, before she pushes past you with such force that you almost lose your balance.

Yeonjun sighs as he moves off the countertop, placing a hand on Beomgyu’s shoulder, “get her something to drink won’t you?” His friend frowns, “why me?” But Yeonjun doesn’t pay him any further mind as he, too, takes his leave, most likely in search of his raging girlfriend. 

As soon as he leaves, the previous tension seems to lift as everyone returns to whatever conversation they had been preoccupied with earlier. You breathe out a small sigh as you wrap your arms around you, leaning against the kitchen island as you keep your gaze down. — A drink is shoved in front of you, it’s reddish hue making you frown as you gingerly take it from Beomgyu’s outstretched hand. “T-Thanks”, you mumble as you grip the plastic cup tightly. 

You’re surprised when he doesn’t leave, instead he groans as he takes place beside you, resting his hands on the countertop behind him. “Y’know I really don’t understand why he invited you of all people.” He begins and you can feel his eyes roam your body with distaste. Swallowing, you quietly nod as you sip on the drink, it wasn’t at all as bitter as you had expected it to be, rather it tasted kind of sweet. 

“I…I don’t know either”, you shyly mumble, keeping the cup to your lips as you occupy yourself with gazing down at the liquid swirling around. Beomgyu scoffs as he shakes his head, “Of course you don’t. No one knows what’s going on in that thick skull of his.” — His words came out…almost insulting, and you wondered why he chose to speak in such a way about his friend. 

“You’ve got some guts though, I’ll give you that.” He states, running a hand through his messy hair as his eyes fixate on something in front of him. Surprised at the sudden almost compliment-like statement, you glance up at him in sheer bewilderment. “Not many people in your shoes would’ve come here”, he adds as he gives you a quick one-over. “No offense y’know, but you kinda look…” His nose scrunches up in what you could only guess to be disgust and you bite the inside of your cheek as your gaze drops to your dress. 

“O-Oh yeah…I guess.” 

Beomgyu chuckles, “My, are you gullible.” You internally wince at his words, a small grimace flickering across your face as you take another sip of your drink. You can feel his eyes on you as Beomgyu studies you closely, a little too close. “Y’know, maybe I do understand why he invited you”, he sniggers, pushing himself off the kitchen island, he leaves without saying another word. 

Left confused and yet again, alone, you chew on the plastic of your cup as you wonder how long you would have to stay before it would become appropriate to leave. 

⸝⸝

You think an hour had passed, it felt like three. Back pressed against the wall of the open-spaced living room, your eyes roam the makeshift dance floor as you watch the way your classmates enjoy their evening together. Your presence had soon become old news and after your first encounter, Mimi had left you alone, and so did everyone else. You were thankful, you supposed. But you still didn’t know why Yeonjun had invited you, much less why you had even decided to show up. Because right now, he was nowhere to be seen. 

You think that you might be able to just sneak out, leave, go home and forget that this evening ever took place. This wasn’t for you, that much you could tell. You would face the embarrassment come Monday, but today, now, all you wanted to do was evaporate. 

Standing up a bit straighter, you tug your dress down once more, preparing to leave. It’s only then he makes an appearance. It’s quick, so much so that if it weren’t for the subtle tap to your forearm, you would’ve probably missed him as he passed you by. Your eyes follow Yeonjun’s retreating frame as he aims for the staircase, leading to the second floor. Before climbing the first step, he throws a quick glance over his shoulder, eyes finding yours as he flashes you a small smirk. 

You gulp as you watch him disappear again. Nervously chewing on your bottom lip, your gaze flits across the room, no one was looking at you. Still you wait another five minutes before aiming for the stairs as well. Each step forward made your legs feel like jelly and you steadied yourself against the railing. 

The second floor consists of a long hallway, with doors either side of it, reaching down to at least four of them. Your heartbeat picks up at the thought of having to push all of them open as you carefully peeked inside. But your attention is drawn to the third one on the right, slightly ajar as a yellow light seeps through its cracks. Hesitantly you venture forward, coming to a halt in front of it as you debate your next move. Did you knock? Call out for him? Was he even there? Maybe you were seeing things. There was only one way to find out was there? 

Mustering up whatever courage you have left, you gently push the door open. The room is… a bedroom. A small onesize bed, pushed up against the window alongside the empty bedside table, tells you that it’s most likely a guest room. Your eyes flit to the armchair in the corner, widening as they land on Yeonjun’s figure, sprawled out against the cushion, a hand down his pants as he lazily strokes himself. He watches you with a faint smirk, his head leaning back against the backrest, eyes half lidded as they peer over at you. 

What was going on? You glance back and out into the hallway, afraid that someone, anyone, might walk by. What if Mimi came looking for him? But you were almost certain he’d meant for you to follow him. Quickly you shut the door behind you, locking it for good measure. Yeonjun watches your hurried movements with an amused expression, the hand on his cock unwavering.

“W-What’s all this?” You quietly wonder, willing your eyes to look anywhere but him, anywhere but the hand down his trousers. He doesn’t say anything, lifting his free hand, his index finger beckons you over and you hesitantly comply. Stopping by the chair, you awkwardly clasp your hands together in front of you as you wait for him to break the stale silence. 

“You look nice tonight.” He finally says, his voice seemingly indifferent as he shamelessly lets his gaze roam your body, stopping at the slight cleavage your dress provided. In the dim light casted by only a small lamp on the drawer next to him, you were unsure if he could make out the blush coating your cheeks or not. “Thank you..” 

He hums, readjusting himself on the soft cushions as his legs spread further apart. It takes everything in you not to let your gaze drop. For a moment everything is quiet, and you wonder why he had even bothered to get you up here in the first place. But then he sighs, the small exhale easily garnering your attention as you shift on the spot. 

“Have you ever blown someone before?” 

He asks the question as if it were any other and you feel the color on your cheeks intensifying. He can’t just ask someone something like that…But then again, there was little Choi Yeonjun couldn’t do. Part of you doesn’t understand why he even bothered to ask, wasn’t it obvious? Another part of you suspects that he wants to hear you admit it, wants to see you get flustered as you shake your head, squeaking out a meek “no, never.” 

That’s exactly what you do. — He smirks, a wide smirk, exposing his sharp teeth as his free hand grabs onto one of your own. You let him pull you to your knees, the soft carpet beneath your bare skin felt nice but it was hard to focus on anything but the bulge in front of your face, the movement of his hand visible through the material of his pants. 

“I’ll teach you”, he mumbles, letting go of your hand as he pushes your hair back, gaze wandering across the light makeup you had applied, lingering by the cherry red lipstick on your lips. You slowly nod, hands gripping onto the hem of your dress with such force that you’re surprised it doesn’t tear. 

Without further warning he leans back, swiftly pulling his cock free from his jeans as he continues to stroke it, now only inches from your face. Sure you and Yeonjun had hooked up before, in the darkness of the small storage unit, in places where you never paid his dick much attention apart from when it was inside of you. This was the first time you actually saw it, you think, and this close too. 

Your jaw goes slack as your eyes trail across the large veins climbing up his shaft, coated in a sheer layer of arousal, seeping through his fingers as they wrapped around the length of it. Gulping, you eye the tip, a bright red hue as droplets of precum spilled from the slit. You would be lying if you said that the sight didn’t make your thighs clench together. — Obviously enjoying your stunned response, Yeonjun groans as he gives himself a particularly harsh tug, making your eyes widen further as they flicker from his cock to his face and back again. 

“Come here”, he directs you to scoot forward and you do, offering your hand for him to take as he guides it to wrap around his shaft. He felt hard and heavy in your palm, and you bite your lip as you try to gauge his reaction. Letting his hand drop to his sides, Yeonjun sinks back against the cushion as he peers down at you. “Start slow, don’t use too much pressure but don’t be afraid to touch me. I’ll tell you when you can speed up.” He instructs as he lets his head fall back, getting comfortable as he pays you little mind. 

Your attention returns to his cock in your hand, doing as he said, you slowly let your palm glide up and down, fingers quickly becoming coated in the shiny layer of his arousal. You can’t tell if he likes it or not, he gives little reaction as he stares up at the ceiling. You want to ask him, you want him to reassure you, but it feels stupid to ask, and you hate feeling stupid. 

His hand joins in on top of your own, guiding your fingers to his tip, which you had purposefully avoided as you didn’t know how to approach it. “Flick your wrist like this”, he murmurs, letting your palm glide over the head before returning to stroke him. He only shows you once before his hand moves back to his side. But you can tell that he’s watching you now, eyes tailing your every movement as you repeat what he had just showed you, rolling your hand over his tip, drawing a small huff of air from him. 

“Use your thumb”, he breathes, and your gaze flickers to his face in slight confusion before catching on. The next time you twist your wrist over his head, you press the surface of your thumb against the slit. He shudders under you, a small groan passing his lips and your heart speeds up at the small confirmation you just received. It managed to boost your confidence enough to where you gripped him more firmly, experimentally squeezing his cock, just like he had done moments prior, relishing in the way his breath hitched. 

“You can go -f-fuck- faster.” He grunts, his hands sliding against the armrests of the chair, fingers digging into the plush cushion. Quickly nodding, you’re happy to oblige, repeating your previous movements but with an increased pace as your eyes dart between his leaking dick and his slightly contorted face. 

When he first twitches in your hand, you’re taken back. Surprised by the sudden movement yet you felt yourself throb as you tugged at him even harsher, wanting to pull that very same reaction from him once more. — He’s stopped guiding you, biting down on the inside of his cheek as he tries to muffle whatever noises threaten to escape. You don’t mind, in fact it only spurred you on further as you flicked your wrist over his flushed tip once more. 

His hips buck up against your hand as he lets out a strangled noise. His hand quickly finds its way to your hair, brushing it back as he breathes out through his nose. “Fuck, slow down”, he mutters, tugging at your hair as he forces your face up to meet his, “I’ll cum before you’ve even blown me at this rate.” The statement made your chest swell with pride, still, your hand slows down as you settle back into a more languid pace. 

He takes a moment to open his eyes, drawing in a few ragged breaths before he does. The hand in your hair moves to your face, cupping your cheeks as he pulls you closer, the tip of his cock merely inches from your lips and you swallow. “Relax”, he says, fingers pulling your mouth open and you let him. “Breathe through your nose, and don’t use your teeth.” — You slowly nod, your hands bracing themselves on his thighs as he taps his cock against your parted lips, smearing his arousal all over your cherry lipstick. 

He pushes inside slowly, you wince at the stretch, your mouth widening as much as it allows. The first thing you note is the salty taste, it isn’t particularly strong and you’re relieved. But no matter how hard you tried to relax your jaw, when his cock hit the back of your throat you instinctively pulled back with a small gag. — Yeonjun tsk’s above you, the hand on your cheeks gripping you firmer as he pulls you back onto his dick. “Thought I told you to relax, no?” He murmurs, letting out a breathy moan as you let him slide himself back into your hot mouth.   

Your eyes screw shut as you focus on evening out your breathing, taking steady breaths in and out through your nose as you allow your tense frame to relax under him. “Think of it as the same as what you did with your hand.” His fingers relax against your cheek, thumb grazing your skin as he feels the way his cock slides in and out of your pliant lips. — It feels weird at first, uncomfortable too, but after a while you slowly get used to the feeling of him in your mouth. 

Hesitantly wrapping your lips around him, you press your tongue flat against him as you carefully bob your head up and down. He groans somewhere above you and your eyes flutter open as you peer up at him through your mascara coated lashes. Yeonjun always looked good, but there was something about him like this, from this view. A sheer layer of sweat that made his dark hair stick to his forehead, his parted lips and furrowed brows, you clenched at the sight, taking him deeper and with much more urgency. 

Something about tonight felt…special, perhaps even more intimate than all your past encounters. Maybe it had to do with the change of scenery. The dimly lit bedroom, the plush armchair, the fine carpet, you can’t place it, but something is different. And for the first time, you can only think about Yeonjun, not his girlfriend, his friends or even your classmates. It was only him. 

Remembering how you had pressed your thumb against his slit earlier, you pull back to refocus your attention to only his tip, your hand joining in to stroke the rest of him. You press your tongue flat against his head before swirling it to the best of your abilities, watching intently as Yeonjun’s brows drew further together, a breathy moan ripping from deep within his chest. 

“F-Fucking hell”, he groans, his head falling back against the cushion. “Fuck ‘m gonna-” His hips jerk forward, the tip of his cock hitting the back of your throat and you pull back with a small wince, unprepared for when his hot cum spurted into your mouth. Not really knowing which approach to take, you continue to suck him off, cum dribbling down your chin as you fought to swallow the rest without losing your breath once more. Yeonjun slumps back against the armchair, his hand releasing its hold on your cheeks as he lets it fall to his side. 

Carefully pulling off of him, you sit back as you begin wiping your chin with the back of your hand. You steal a glance at him, his chest heaving as he catches his breath. Yeonjun runs a hand through his hair, shaking his head as a small grin etches its way to his lips. — “Was…was it okay?” Your words are barely above a whisper, and he cocks an eyebrow at you, his grin widening. 

“Sure it was, nerd.” 

You blink up at him, “really?” — He chuckles, tucking himself back into his pants with a small grimace. “Would I have asked you to do it if I had doubts?” He retorts and you bite your lip, no perhaps not you supposed. “You’ll get even better with a bit of practice”, he reassures you, giving your head a light pat before getting up. 

He’s reached the door before he turns back to you, “wait another fifteen minutes or so before leaving, yeah?” Without waiting to hear your answer, he unlocks the door and steps out, slamming it shut behind him. 

⸝⸝

You spent another thirty minutes aimlessly wandering around the large villa, astonished by how someone could afford a place this big. You still had no clue whose house this even was, and no one seemed to care for the sake either. — Halfway down a long corridor, filled with what you could only assume to be modern art, you suddenly freeze in your tracks as the voices of someone else joins your quiet footsteps. 

After spending a rough minute trying to locate the source of the sound, you finally realize that it’s coming from behind one of the larger pillars a few paces ahead. Debating your choices for a solid ten seconds, you opt to try and eavesdrop, if only for a moment. And as you quietly creep forward, their conversation suddenly becomes a lot more clear. — Shuffling to squeeze yourself behind another pillar, you lean against the cool marble as you try and pick up on what’s being said. 

You knew the voices belonged to two of the girls from your class, but you were unable to pair them with any faces. — “Did he really?” One of them asks, her voice is slightly high-pitched, almost a bit squeaky. Her friend’s voice is fairly deeper as she replies, “Yes! And it was a week before her birthday too!” A small gasp. “You don’t mean… But with whom?” The first girl asks. 

There’s a brief pause, and you, too, find yourself holding your breath as you await the second girl's answer. “With Hera..” You frown, unable to recognize the name but the other girl seemed more than aware as she let out a small shriek, earning a sharp “hush!” from her friend. — “But that’s…” the first girl begins only to be interrupted by her friend, “her best friend.” 

Their conversation made little sense in your ears, and with a small sigh you turned to walk the other way when suddenly, a familiar name surfaced. — “But it was kind of obvious was it not”, the girl with the deeper voice begins, “Yeonjun has cheated on Mimi with practically all of her friends. She’s bound to find out some day, it’s only a matter of time.” 

You felt your face fall as your heart plummeted through your stomach. Had you heard them right? You hoped you hadn’t but the first girl quickly butts in as she confirms what you dreaded. “I told her from the start that Yeonjun was promiscuous, but she didn’t listen of course”, the girl huffs as her friend hums in agreement. “Better her than me”, she adds. 

You had heard enough. That was it, you were going home. Turning on your heel, you quietly dart down the long corridor. — You knew that you didn't have a reason to be upset, hell he had even cheated on his girlfriend with you. It still didn’t stop the tears that pricked in your eyes as you pushed past the crowd in the kitchen. A small part of you had thought, perhaps even hoped that maybe, maybe what he saw in you was different from what he saw in Mimi. God you’re so stupid. You quietly mutter, reaching the open living room just in time to see who you had hoped you wouldn’t. 

Near the front door, leaning against the wall, was Yeonjun, arms wrapped around his girlfriend’s frame as she pressed sloppy kisses to his neck. Your mind flashes with the images of what had taken place between the two of you not even an hour ago. Yet here he was, shamelessly buttering his so-called girlfriend up as if he hadn’t had you on his cock moments prior. And to think that you had allowed yourself to become part of his crowd, it was disgusting. 

You finally saw Choi Yeonjun for what he really was. A fucking asshole. And with that clarification in mind, you forcefully push past the pair as you march out of the front door, leaving the still lively party behind as you begin your journey home. 

⸝⸝

Monday came all too fast. The aftermath of the party is still fresh in your mind as you rummage through your locker. You had spent the whole weekend reanalyzing your every interaction with Yeonjun; from the day you first met to the thirty minutes spent in the guest bedroom just two days ago. You questioned his true intentions, more than twice. But no matter how many hours you tossed and turned in bed, you got no closer to solving the mystery that was Choi Yeonjun. 

Slamming the red steel door shut, you almost drop the books in your arm as you come face to face with the person you least wanted to see. — Yeonjun leans against the locker next to yours as he studies your face intently. Quickly you turn around to see if anyone was watching the two of you before shifting your attention back to him. “What are you doing?” You whisper as you watch him with a wary expression. 

He only shrugs, a small grin playing on his lips. “See me after class”, he nods in the direction of the stairs, leading to the third floor and you internally sigh. Still, you should talk to him, you really should, so you nod. “Okay.” — His grin widens as Yeonjun pushes himself off the locker, continuing down the hallway without another word. 

You find yourself counting down the hours, lesson after lesson, your eyes remain glued to the clock on the wall. In fact, you’re so focused on the afternoon ahead that the insults thrown your way merely passes over your head. — Then finally, after what feels like an eternity, you find yourself walking up the steps and past the doors as you neared room 291.

He was already there, waiting for you. And as soon as the red door closes behind you, he’s got you pressed up against it, hungry lips on yours within a matter of seconds as his hands roam your body. It was easy to get caught up in his world, his kisses and his touches, you have to remind yourself of why you came here. His name falls from your lips, but it’s not the usual desperate whine, it’s serious, you know that he can tell, humming against your lips yet his hands don’t stray away from wandering beneath your shirt. 

"Yeonjun, wait." 

He stills, if only for a moment, leaning back slightly as his lips brush against yours. Taking in a deep breath, you prepare yourself for the conversation to come. You had rehearsed it many times in your head, but as you glance up at him in the dim light of the storage unit, you find it hard to even look him in the eyes. “I…I’ve been thinking”, you slowly begin, watching the faint smirk that surfaces on his face. “Don’t you always, nerd.” He mutters, his hands resuming their journey up your chest, flicking the buttons to your shirt open as his mouth leaves hot kisses against your neck. 

You try to ignore the burning sensation sparking through your body, forcing yourself to go through with what you wanted to say. “Yes but, I’ve been thinking about…about us.” — Your words make his hands around your breasts stutter and he goes quiet against you. Biting your lip, you hold your breath as you wait for him to say something, but he doesn’t, only humming against your skin as he continues to litter you in red marks. 

“What makes you think there is an ‘us’?” 

His question makes your composure fall as you let out a shaky exhale. “There isn't?" You hesitantly ask, already anticipating the answer you were bound to receive. — He pulls away from you with a perplexed expression. Then he laughs, it’s short, cruel, he shakes his head. “Don’t be funny”, he mutters as he runs a hand through his dark hair. “You know that I have a girlfriend, nerd.” He spits the words out like the venomous bite of a snake. His gaze drops to your unbuttoned blazer, briefly passing the harsh bruises he’d previously left on your chest.

“Don’t think you’re anything else besides a quick fuck.” 

Oh. There it was. He finally said it, he finally confirmed what you had been dreading all along. You weren’t stupid, you knew that whatever the two of you had was nothing romantic. But hearing those words come out of his mouth, it hurt more than you ever thought it would’ve. Still, it was just what you needed. With your palms pressed against his chest, you push him back, as far away from you as the small room allowed. 

“I don’t think I want to be that.” 

Your voice is trembling as you speak and you have to force your gaze not to drop down to your shoes. Letting your hands fall back against your sides, you draw in a small breath, holding it as you watch Yeonjun’s face form into a confused frown. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” He huffs, sounding almost angry as his hands clenched into fists before relaxing again. 

You bite the inside of your cheek, giving a meek shrug of your shoulders. “I don’t want to be just a… a quick fuck.” You murmur, unable to maintain his intense gaze, you let your eyes drop to the floor. He scoffs, leaning back against the shelves with such force that the items behind him rattled. “Do you honestly believe that anyone else is even going to consider fucking you, nerd?” He was pissed, that much you could tell. 

Shaking your head, you blink away the tears that had managed to form in your eyes. “I don’t care, I just…”, you exhale, praying that your voice wouldn’t break as you continued, “I just don’t think this is for me.” — Yeonjun laughs, the same laugh that echoed off the classroom walls as he made fun of you. You realize then just how fucked up your situation had become. How could you have allowed yourself to stoop to such a level? 

“I gave you so much, and you… you don’t think that it’s for you?” He jeers, taking a step forward as he comes face to face with you once more. But now none of the previous lust and desire remained, only fury. All you can do is continuously shake your head, not daring to meet his gaze. “No. It’s not.” You state as you tear your eyes from the floor, it takes everything in you to not have your resolve crumbling as you peer up at him. 

“So let’s stop.” 

You motion toward the small unit you were currently standing in. “Whatever this is, was, let’s end it now.” You swallow, hard, the sound ringing in your ears. Yeonjun runs a hand through his hair once more, tongue prodding against the inside of his cheek as his eyes flit between you and the door. “You want to end things? Fine.” His voice lacks all the anger it previously held, now sounding almost monotone. 

“But don’t come crying when you realize just how much you’re about to lose.” He drawls, eyes boring into yours one final time before he pushes past you, knocking you back against the wall as he rips the door open. Darkness envelops you as soon as it's slammed shut behind him, and you finally let out the sob you had been holding in. 

⸝⸝

You didn’t go to school that following Tuesday, nor Wednesday. It was the first time you had missed a whole day since your junior year in highschool. Was it pathetic? Probably. Curled up on your bed, you spent the two days in front of your laptop, binging whatever show seemed appealing as you sniffled into a tissue. — You wanted to go back in time, back to when you only knew Yeonjun as the obnoxious leader of bullies from your class, back to when things were simple. 

You wondered what he might’ve said about you in your absence. What kind of lies he might’ve conducted, surely he wouldn’t just sit still. You dreaded returning, but you knew that it was inevitable, and as Thursday rolled around, you pulled yourself from bed. 

The classroom was empty when you arrived, there was another thirty minutes left but you had chosen to get there earlier to save yourself perhaps at least a few stares as you walked toward your desk. You had missed a lot, you were sure, two days was a long time to be away from school and you worried that you would have a lot of reading to do when you came back home. Though you supposed the distraction of studying would be nice. 

It’s about ten minutes left until class when the first few students emerged from the doors, swinging their bags down on their desks as they chatted loudly with one another. “Watch it nerd!” A girl sneers as she gives the leg of your chair a harsh kick, you grip onto the edge of your table as you hang your head low. But beside that, nothing happens, and you frown. You were sure it was going to be worse than this, but it wasn’t. For the first time ever you felt relieved that your classmates were treating you indifferent. Well, all except one. 

Yeonjun doesn’t show up to first period. And just as you think he’s about to be absent for the second one as well, the door is pushed open as he walks inside. Yeonjun seldom did what he was supposed to in class, but he always brought his bag, not today though. You tried to not let your eyes linger, inevitably failing as you watched him pull out his chair and sit down, his hands remaining in his pockets as he leaned back to gaze across the board with a lazy expression. In regular fashion, Beomgyu goes off about a random topic next to him as Soobin twirls a pen between his fingers, seemingly bored out of his mind. 

Class begins, and ends, and nothing happens. Not even as much as a glare in your direction. It was just like before, before the two of you were ever intimate, Yeonjun acted as if you didn’t exist, and you watched him. But this time, you didn’t feel a sense of longing, honestly, you didn’t know what you felt. Relief, a sense of mourning, regret? You didn’t like the way your stomach felt when you looked at him, so you stopped. 

⸝⸝

Weeks went by, the bullying never stopped, why would it? You kept quiet, your gaze downcast as you moved through the hallways. It worked, because you rarely saw him anymore. You didn’t know if he was avoiding you or not, you didn’t care. It felt nice to not care. The only thing tugging away at you now… was the loneliness. It wasn’t like Yeonjun acted friendly with you, especially not during school hours, but he had made you feel less alone. In the most fucked up way possible, he was the only one you had ever had some kind of relationship with since your first day here. And a small part of you missed it. 

But even the loneliness would one day stop. 

You blink up as a plate is placed opposite yours in the crowded cafeteria. Confused, your eyes darted between the boy before of you and the plenty of empty tables. He doesn’t seem to care as he slides down on the chair in front of yours. “You’re the junior girl who takes classes with the seniors right?” He asks as he tilts his head to the side, studying you with wide and curious eyes. — Still wary of the intentions behind his move to sit with you, you slowly nod, “I am.” 

He smiles, it was perhaps one of the first genuine smiles you had received since you started here. Shuffling a bit closer, he offers his hand for you to shake, which you hesitantly do. “I’m Hueningkai, but you can just call me Kai.” He says as you let go of his hand once more. — “I’m a junior too, but I’m stuck with everyone else our age”, he explains with a coy smile. 

You nod, taking a small sip of your water. His eyes shift to the book placed next to your tray. “Lord Of The Rings?” He asks and you hum as you turn it around for him to see. “I love those books!” He exclaims as he brings it to his face, studying the back intently. “I’m re-reading them..” You quietly mumble as your gaze flickers between him and the glass in your hand. Kai sets the book down as he turns to you, “you mean you’ve read all this more than once? Sick!” 

That was how you met Kai. You don’t know why he approached you, you didn’t care to ask. All you knew was that you had finally found a friend. And though the two of you still took separate classes, you always stayed behind to study together, ate lunch just the two of you, and walked each other to class. It felt nice to have someone to talk to, even though you didn’t tell him about you and Yeonjun, he still listened to you as you explained all of the bullying. 

You were amongst the last to return to class after lunch one lousy Tuesday. Kai and you had spent the entire break discussing quantum physics, and you had only realized the time once you went to search something up on your phone, making you rush to class. Not thinking much of the rare occurrence, you make your way over to your desk by the very back of the room, only freezing when one of your classmates addresses you. 

“What’s got you coming in so late, nerd?” He sneers as he leans back in his chair to see you better. With the intention of not replying, you take your seat as you begin rummaging through your stuffed bag. But when another girl butts in, you feel yourself go stiff. “Don’t you know?” She drawls, easily garnering the first guy’s attention as well as everyone around her. Even the Choi’s seemed to be listening as Beomgyu put down his phone. You held your breath, anticipating the worst yet it somehow ended up being so far from anything you could’ve ever imagined. 

“Nerd’s got a boyfriend.” She exclaims, watching triumphantly as everyone began whispering amongst each other, hushed murmurs carrying around the room. You felt your face burn as you glanced toward Yeonjun’s table. — He was still scrolling absentmindedly on his phone, but the way his jaw clenched, accompanied with the small frown of his brows, made your stomach sink just slightly. 

“That’s such bullshit!” Mimi exclaims as she throws you a harsh glare. But the girl who’d announced the news merely shakes her head. “I’ve seen them myself!” She retorts as she folds her arms across her chest. “That junior boy, y’know the blonde one.” — “I’ve seen them too!” Someone else chirps in and the girl is quick to nod. 

“They always eat lunch together too”, the girl turns to you with a wide smirk, “isn’t that right nerd?” — Your fingers curled around the pencil in your hand, gripping it with such force that it might break. You don’t look at her, gaze dropping to your table as you merely shook your head, earning a scoff from the girl as she turned back to the rest of the class. 

“Shit, are you serious?” Beomgyu wonders as he leans forward in his chair. But before the girl has a chance to reply, Yeonjun cuts her off. “Don’t be stupid”, he mutters as he pulls Beomgyu back by the collar of his shirt. — “What the fuck man, it’s just a question”, he whines as he rubs his now sore neck. Yeonjun huffs as his gaze remains glued to his phone screen, “of course she isn’t serious. Stop believing her bullshit.” 

Beomgyu falls silent at his words and so does everyone else. The next few minutes are awkward as everyone scrambles to occupy themselves with whatever they could find, desperately wishing for your professor to walk through the doors. 

⸝⸝

The sound of the old library doors being pushed open shifts your focus from the book in your lap as you glance up just in time to see Kai approaching your desk. He smiles, waving his hand enthusiastically and you find yourself reciprocating the small move. — “Sorry I’m late”, he apologizes as he takes the seat next to yours, pulling a few books from his bag. “It’s fine, really”, you assure him as you place your own book down. 

It had become routine for the two of you to meet up and study together, well, you often just talked the hours away, but neither of you seemed to mind the lack of work getting done. “Which chapter are you on?” He wonders, and you slide the book over for the two of you to share, “fifteen.” He nods as he scoots closer, your shoulders practically touching as you take turns reading and scribbling down notes. 

Usually you didn’t mind the close proximity, but when thinking back of what had transpired after lunch earlier that day, you felt different. Ever since your break up with Yeonjun, if break up was even what you could call it, you had little desire to enter into a new relationship. But the more you mulled over your classmate’s words, the more sense it all seemed to make. — Eating lunch together, walking each other to class, even now, you both sat so close that you could hear the pattern of his breathing. 

Kai was cute. He was the type of cute that made you look back twice when you passed him on the street, the type of cute that made you want to revisit the small café because of the waiter that had served you, the type of cute that you wanted to bring home to your parents. — Not only was he cute, he was nice too, you felt happy, comforted, in his presence. Unlike Yeonjun, Kai only made you feel giddy inside as you longed to see him. He never made you second guess his intentions or yourself. 

But there was still something missing, something that you couldn’t quite place. Something that Yeonjun had made you feel by just stepping into the same room as you. You hated yourself for comparing your new friend to someone like him, but it felt almost impossible not to. You didn’t care about Choi Yeonjun anymore, so why did he continue to haunt the subconscious parts of your mind? 

As if on cue, Kai turns around in his seat, his nose almost grazing your own due to how close you sat. “Hey are you following along?” He wonders, seemingly concerned as a small frown tugs at his brows. Blinking, you shake your head, “sorry no..” — You swallow, willing yourself to be honest with him, you need to be.

“Can I…can I tell you something?” You hesitantly ask, gnawing on your bottom lip as you twirl your pencil anxiously between your fingers. He nods, a small smile painting his lips, “of course!”  — Awkwardly clearing your throat, you think of a way to begin the whole thing. “W-Well basically…Everyone in my class they-” 

Your words get stuck in your throat, not because you were afraid of uttering them, not because Kai made you in any way feel uneasy. But because the oak doors to the library opened once more, the sound almost deafening to your ears, eyes becoming glued to Yeonjun’s frame as he enters. It doesn’t take him long to spot you, his already spiteful expression seemingly worsening as his gaze locks with yours. 

He grasps a book tightly in one hand, walking over to the front desk as he practically slams it on the table, making everyone inside the room jump as their heads turn in his direction. Yeonjun however, pays them little mind, his eyes never straying from yours as the old librarian goes to check out his book. — Even Kai’s attention had shifted toward your classmate, watching as Yeonjun leaned against the desk with a scowl on his face. 

“Isn’t he in your class?” He wonders as the frown on his face deepens. You nod, “ignore him”, you mumble as you shift uncomfortably under his intense gaze. “But he’s looking at you..” Kai states and you shake your head again, “please let’s just ignore him.” — Finally, Kai tears his gaze from him as he gives you a small nod, “of course. So what’d you want to tell me?” 

Oh right. “Well I… It’s a bit weird, promise you won’t be freaked out.” You begin as you bite your lip, feeling an evident blush rise on your cheeks. Kai nods as he takes your hand, the small action somehow making the whole thing even worse but you couldn’t find it in you to push him off. From the corner of your eye, you can make out Yeonjun’s figure as he watches the two of you, his mere presence made the hairs on the back of your neck stand. 

“My classmates they…they sort of think we’re…well they think we’re dating..” You quietly mumble, the last part becoming nothing more but a faint whisper. You can easily read his surprise as Kai’s eyes widen, his gaze flitting down to his hand on top of yours as he swallows. “Oh.” Is all he says. — “I hope it doesn’t make things weird between us”, you quickly add, your voice near pleading as you search his gaze. 

Biting the inside of his cheek, Kai slowly nods as he keeps his eyes on your hands. “No I suppose it doesn’t… I mean, it’s not like it’s true..” He says, offering you a small smile as his gaze returns to your face. You nod, “y-yeah, exactly..” — Daring to steal a glance in the direction of Yeonjun, you barely manage to catch his retreating figure as he exits the library, oak doors slamming shut behind him. 

Kai follows your gaze, his hand on top of yours moving back to rest on his lap as his eyes flicker between the spot where Yeonjun just vanished and your almost longing expression. He sighs. 

⸝⸝

It’s nearing 6pm when you finally part ways outside the library. And after waving Kai off, you turn to walk up the flight of stairs leading to your locker. The hallways are vacant, your low heel shoes clacking against its floors as you readjust your heavy bag on your shoulder. — Your footsteps come to an abrupt halt about halfway down the long corridor, your eyes spotting a tall figure, leaning against the red lockers by the end of the hall. You swallow, easily recognizing his lean frame. It’s too late to turn back, you know that he’s heard you already. 

“Have you been waiting here all along?” You wonder, stopping a few paces from him, maintaining a good distance as you shift your weight over to one leg. Yeonjun’s head, previously leaning against the red steel behind him, lazily turns in your direction as he studies you with a tired expression. “No.” — You knew it was a lie. 

“Then why are you here?” For once, it’s your gaze boring into his, and not the other way around. Yeonjun remains silent, his hands digging deep into the pockets of his pants, his eyes roaming your body just like they had so many times before. He doesn’t say anything. You wait for him to speak, you wait for two whole minutes. Nothing. 

With a small huff, you give up as you approach your locker. Now only inches from him, you type your code in as the red door clicks open. Pulling your books from your bag, he watches you as you place them neatly inside the small space. You bite your tongue, refraining from saying the many things on your mind. It would only complicate the situation further. — It’s not until you close the locker again, turning around as you get ready to leave, that he finally breaks the silence. 

“Is it true?” 

You freeze, slowly turning back to face him with a small frown. Still leaning against the lockers, he tilts his head to the side, his expression holds no amusement, not even anger, just…emptiness. You had never seen him like that before. — “What?” The surprise is evident in your voice, and you watch as he pushes himself off the lockers, moving to face you completely. “You and him, is it true?” He repeats his question and your breath gets stuck in your throat at the mention of Kai. 

You didn’t want him to become the next affection of Yeonjun’s harsh bullying. More than anything, you wanted to maintain the only friendship you had, you could not have your past mistakes getting in the way of it. — “Does it matter?” Your stance remains guarded as you fold your arms across your chest. He cocks an eyebrow in your direction, his lip twitching, “of course not.” 

Confused, you frown, you had forgotten how near impossible he was to read. “Well then there you have your answer.” You firmly state. He shakes his head, and you could’ve sworn you caught the small grin on his face before it vanished again. “So then it is true..” — “Yes.” The small word of confirmation slips from your lips without you even realizing it. But it was too late to take it back now. Yeonjun frowns, he seems almost surprised at your immediate response.   

“It’s true that we hang out everyday. It’s true that he makes me smile, and laugh. It’s true that he cares for me and I for him. All of it is true, is that what you wanted to hear?” You’re almost out of breath by the end of your small rant. — Yeonjun’s jaw clenches, hands curling into fists inside his pockets as he draws in a sharp breath through his nose. 

“So does it really matter if it’s true or not when he treats me in a way that makes me feel loved and appreciated?” You’re unable to hinder yourself from letting out all the emotions that you had kept pent up during the past weeks. And by the end, your voice sounds as if it’s about to break at any moment. — But he doesn’t say anything. His expression remained as indifferent as possible, watching the way your chest heaved as you caught your breath again. 

His silence felt heavier than a thousand words. Part of you wants to swallow your statement again, another part is relieved to finally have gotten it out. You quickly realized that you probably wouldn’t get another response from him, and thus you made your second move to leave. Except this time, he acts faster. 

Fingers wrapping around your wrist, Yeonjun prevents you from taking another step away from him. His grip is tight, but not enough to hurt, you can feel the slight tremble to his hand and your gaze dart between his hold on you to his now determined expression. 

“I could too.” 

His voice is low, yet the sentence echoes off the empty hallway walls. Your heart thumps loudly in your chest, blood rushing beneath your skin as your wide eyes meet his. — “I could make you feel like that too.” His voice is clearer now, steadier, and he takes a step forward. You find yourself shaking your head, making him frown. “Why, don’t you believe me?” 

The question made you scoff. “Of course I don’t.” You exclaim as you withdraw your arm from his grip, he lets you, briefly glancing down to his now empty hand before letting it fall to his side. “You’ve said it yourself. I’m nothing besides a quick fuck, right?” — He bites the inside of his cheek, your words undoubtedly true. 

Maybe three weeks ago, his small statement would’ve been able to sway you, to make your heart beat a little faster. Now it only felt like he was rubbing salt onto your barely healed wounds. Just as you had gotten over him, just as you had finally made a real friend, he had to go and ruin it all again by saying exactly what you both dreaded and longed to hear from him. And you hated him for it. You hated Choi Yeonjun. 

Tears stung in your eyes, threatening to spill down your cheeks. You couldn’t let him see you cry. — He grabs onto you a second time as you turn to leave, pulling you flush against his chest with such haste that you barely have time to register what’s happening before his lips are on yours. “Don’t go”, he breathes into your mouth, kissing you with such urgency that you thought he might just be on the verge of dying. 

Your hands are on his chest within seconds as you pry him off. “Stop. Just stop.” Your pleading voice cuts like knives through the air and he pulls back with a stunned expression. Shaking your head, you tear yourself from him as you take a step back. “I don’t know what’s gotten into you. But it better stop.” He opens his mouth to say something but you beat him to it. “Don’t let me get my hopes up only to crush them again.” 

Refusing to hear him out any longer, you quickly turn on your heel as you hurriedly walk down the hallway, leaving him behind as he runs a hand through his dark hair. 

⸝⸝

The next day, Yeonjun doesn’t show up to school. You’re just as confused as everyone else, your eyes darting toward the door every other second, thinking that it might be him, but it never is. — “Is he sick?” Someone asks but Beomgyu only shakes his head, leaning back in his chair with a small huff, “beats me.” Ah, so he didn’t know either. Gnawing on your bottom lip, you’re suddenly filled with worry, was it because of what happened yesterday? Was he actually hurt by it? No, surely not, it was Choi Yeonjun after all. 

It’s not until the doors bursts open once more, revealing a disheveled Mimi, that realization slowly starts to set in. Her usually put together face is in ruins as makeup has been smeared across her cheeks. Heads turn in her direction as one of her friends guides her over to her desk. — “What happened?” A guy asks only to be hushed by her friend, quietly mouthing out the words: “he broke up with her.” 

Everyone seems to fall silent after that, allowing Mimi’s quiet sobs to fill the room as you wait for class to start. — He broke up with her… You blink, glancing down to the empty page in your notebook as you swallow. Did that also have anything to do with what happened yesterday? Once again you’re left feeling guilty, Yeonjun always seemed to make you feel that way. 

When your professor finally arrives, the lecture moves slowly, agonizingly so. And for once, you didn’t find any joy in your studies. Sure it might also have something to do with the persistent feeling of being watched. — Turning your head ever so slightly to the right, you find Soobin’s eyes locked on your unnerved frame. Not even when he knows that you’ve caught him does he turn away.

He continues to watch you throughout the day. Wherever you went, he seemed to be there too. Eyes boring into you at all times, an indifferent expression on his face. He knew something, that much you were sure of. 

⸝⸝

Finally, as your last lesson comes to an end, you manage to slip past Soobin’s prying gaze as you hurried down the stairs to meet Kai. The two of you had begun accompanying each other on the way home as you both took the bus from the same station. — You find him waiting by the entrance, a large smile plastered across his face and as soon as your eyes fell on him, all worries were washed away. 

“How was class?” He asks as you walk down the courtyard. You shrug, swinging your bag in front of you cheerily, “nothing out of the ordinary.” — “No mean comments, no nothing?” He wonders and you bite the inside of your cheek, “no…actually not.” After the news of Mimi’s breakup, everyone had fallen into this sort of trance where no one seemed to want to bring attention to themselves. Thus you had been left alone all day, which felt both nice and incredibly weird. 

Kai hums, the two of you were walking so close that your arms brushed together, but you didn’t mind. Once you reach the large gates leading out onto the streets however, you freeze. Stopping a pace in front of you, Kai turns to you with a small frown, “something wrong?” — You shake your head, “no…I just.. think I left a book behind, you go ahead.” 

He opens his mouth, as if to object but you quickly interrupt him, “it’s fine! I wouldn’t want you to miss your bus”, you reassure him as you offer a small smile. “Then what about you?” He wonders but you just wave it off in a disregarding manner, “I’ll take the next one, don’t worry about me.” He doesn’t seem entirely convinced but the small hug you give him makes him nod. “Alright, text me when you get home”, he says and you quickly agree as you send him off. 

You watch him disappear down the pavement with a small sigh. Not until he’s completely out of sight do you turn to cross the street. You walk with long and determined strides, not stopping until you reach the large tree by the sidewalk. — Yeonjun isn’t wearing his usual school uniform, instead he’s dressed in a dark pair of jeans, a black jacket wrapped around his torso to prevent the chilly December air from getting to him. He leans against the naked tree trunk, his gaze flickering from the concrete beneath him and over to you as you approach. 

Feet planting in front of his, you cross your arms as you peer up at him with an expectant look on your face. He doesn’t say anything, tongue prodding against the inside of his cheek. Unable to bear the silence, you break it. “You didn’t come to school today.” You don’t know why you stated the obvious, perhaps you wanted him to explain himself, but he doesn’t, only nodding silently. 

Frustrated, you run a hand through your hair. He wanted to talk to you, right? That’s why he was waiting across the street from your college, openly risking being spotted by your classmates. So why wasn’t he saying anything? — Huffing out a short breath, you part your lips to say something, but he’s quicker than you. 

“I broke up with her”, he calmly states. His posture remains relaxed as he speaks but his eyes search yours with something akin to desperation. — “I know.” You mumble, biting the inside of your lip before continuing, “she was crying all day, did you know that?” He scoffs, “so?” His nonchalant approach made you frown, “so? Don’t you care?” Your question is met by the mere shake of his head as he shrugs, “no, do you?” 

“I do.” 

He hadn’t expected your answer, you could tell by the way his face dropped, if only for a moment. “Why? It’s not exactly like she’s a good person.” He jeers, shoving his hands deeper into the denim pockets of his jeans. “And you are?” Even though your voice remains steady, there’s a linger of hurt between your quiet words. — He goes silent in front of you as his gaze flits between yours and the entrance behind him. 

“Why are you even here, Yeonjun?” Your tone is near accusing and he looks almost guilty as his attention shifts back to you. He swallows, rubbing a hand along his neck, as if stalling for time. You bite your tongue, waiting patiently for him to speak. — “Why do you like him?”, he finally asks. It hardly took a genius to guess who he was referring to. 

You sigh, observing the way the naked branches of the tree moved against the mild breeze. “I told you, didn’t I?” You drawl, readjusting the bag swung over your shoulder. The corner of his mouth twitches as Yeonjun shakes his head, “that’s not what I wanted to hear.” — “And you think you’re in a position to make demands like that?” You snort, watching as he pushes himself off the tree before taking a step in your direction. 

Leaning back to glance up at him, you try your best to hold your ground as he tilts his head to the side, cocking a questioning eyebrow at you. “Then tell me what I need to do.” — Your mouth falls open as you gawk at him, what was he implying? Taking a step back only ends up with him taking yet another forward, his hands coming up from his pockets to rest on your shoulders. 

“Tell me how to be like him.” 

Slowly you realize just what he was asking of you. Immediately shaking your head, you take yet another step back. “It doesn’t work like that.” You quietly murmur, averting your gaze to avoid looking him in the eyes. He frowns, a confused frown, “sure it does”, he says, sounding almost hopeful as he grips your shoulders tighter. “Just tell me what I need to do and I’ll do it.” 

Did he honestly think that everything could be undone just like that? The pain, the tears, the bullying, that he could take it all back just because he wanted to? Just because he had a change of heart? The thought was almost as ridiculous as his proposal. — This was Choi Yeonjun, he wasn’t about to change his ways just because of you, you should know that. Whatever this was, this moment of confusion, it wouldn’t last, and you had to pull out before you got hurt, again. 

“I don’t know what you want from me…” You bite back the harsh insults waiting on your tongue, shaking your head once more. “I don’t know what it is, and I don’t care. Please just stop confusing me”, you almost beg as you try to pry his hands off of you. — Yeonjun looks perplexed as he lets you push him off. “Confusing you? I don’t–” 

“Do you think I’m stupid?” You retort, your voice growing in intensity as you failed to hold back the anger and resentment you held for him. “I let you screw me over, I let you use me, humiliate me, I put up with all of it, because…” You exhale, taking a step forward as you point an accusing finger to his chest. “Because at one point I thought that I liked you, but I don’t. I know exactly what you are and I know that you won’t change.” 

He frowns, his fingers wrapping around your wrist on his chest. “You don’t know the first thing about m-” — “I do.” You cut him off, aware of the way his jaw clenches as his grip on your wrist tightens. “I know that you cheat, you lie, you use people as you please, and worst of all, you don’t even feel guilty about it.” 

You tear yourself from his grasp, stumbling backward as you cradle your sore wrist. “I know far from everything about you”, you state, watching him bite the inside of his cheek as he fights off the remark he so desperately wished to fire. — “But I know that I hate you. And that’s enough reason for me to stay as far away from you as possible.” 

“So please, leave me the fuck alone.” 

As soon as you turn around to dart down the street, the tears spill from your eyes as you sob into your open palm. More than anything, you regret ever becoming infatuated with him. 

⸝⸝

Yeonjun didn’t come to school the following day either, nor the day after that. People stopped asking about him, only becoming disregarded by both Beomgyu and Soobin as the two kept to themselves. Yet the taller’s persistent stares remained as Soobin watched your every move, like a hawk stalking its prey. Even now, as you sat by your usual table, listening to Kai as he rambled on about a random topic, did you feel his gaze on you. 

“D-Did you hear me?” 

Kai’s hesitant voice snaps you from your trance as your eyes shift to his fidgety frame. Nervously twisting the hem of his uniform, he gives you a sheepish smile. You blink, “I…s–sorry what did you say?” You wonder, feeling a bit embarrassed by your lack of engagement as he spoke. But Kai only shakes his head, the tips of his ears turning pink as he clears his throat. “I was wondering if… if you would maybe want to study this weekend a-at my place?” 

You could tell that it had taken almost all his courage to ask the simple question. But somehow you find yourself comparing it to how easy such demands had fallen from Yeonjun’s lips as he shamelessly took whatever he wanted. Internally you curse yourself for letting your mind so comfortably shift to the subject of Yeonjun when you had tried so hard to forget about him. 

“Sure I would love to!” You smile, heart swelling at the endearing sight before you as Kai’s face practically explodes in an ocean of red. “R-Really?” He asks and you nod, “of course!” — You’re about to ask him what time would be suitable when suddenly a large shadow  is casted over your table. Squinting up your eyes lock with none other than Choi Soobin as he peers down at you with a vacant expression. 

“I need to talk to you.” He states in a monotone voice, jutting his chin toward the large entryway of the cafeteria. Your gaze flits between him and Kai as your friend shifts uncomfortably in his seat. “O-Okay”, you quietly mumble, giving Kai an apologetic look as you get up to trail after Soobin’s tall frame. 

He walks fast, and you almost have to jog in order to keep up. Pushing past the crowded hallways, Soobin doesn’t seem to mind the multiple glances shot his way. The two of you walk for a good five minutes without stopping, and just as you’re about to ask where you’re going, he comes to an abrupt halt, making you almost facepalm against his back.

With the light kick of his foot, the door to a vacant classroom swings open and he steps inside, seemingly waiting for you to do the same. — Once the door is shut behind you, he turns to lean against the wall, folding his arms across his chest. Nervously, you tug at the collar of your blazer as you glance around the dark room. 

You don’t think you had been alone with Soobin, ever. Nor did you think that you had ever heard him utter more than two words out loud. And he had never directed a single one to you. So to say that your current situation was surprising, would be a grave understatement. — You think a whole minute must have passed when he finally speaks. But the words coming out of his mouth made you wish for everything to be silent again. 

“What’s your deal with Yeonjun?” 

His voice is low, barely above a murmur, and deep too. Not at all like his snarky friends whose laughs would echo off the hallways. You swallow, hard, the sound is audible in the otherwise quiet room. Unlike Beomgyu, Soobin never once picked on you, nor did he join in when the others were laughing, at best or worst, he would give a small grin. — If it were Beomgyu you would at least expect him to be mad in a situation like this, but Soobin remains eerily calm as he watches you from a distance, just like he had these past three days. 

“I don’t think that’s any of your business”, you stand your ground, despite the fact that it felt as if the floor was literally shaking beneath you. He chuckles, it’s breathy, almost inaudible. “You don’t need to act so prideful, he’s told me everything about you.” — It feels as if all air has been knocked out of your lungs. So he did know something. 

“Everything?” You exhale, your breath near trembling. He gives a curt nod, “everything, except for why he isn’t here today”, he mutters, seemingly displeased with the fact. — A small frown etches its way to your face, lips parting in confusion. “I know you’ve got something to do with it.” He states, tilting his head back as he gazes up toward the ceiling. “But he won’t tell me what.” 

Biting the inside of your cheek, you glance down to the floor, the uneven wood planks suddenly seeming very intriguing. “I couldn’t possibly know why he–” — “Don’t bullshit me.” He snaps, his eyes flickering back to you within milliseconds. Your breath gets caught in your throat as you flinch, taking a small step back before your thighs hit the table behind you. Soobin ignores your skittish reactions as he continues. “I don’t know what he’s getting at, going for someone like you.” He says it with such distaste that it makes your skin crawl. 

Before you know it, he takes a step forward, then another one, and another one, until he’s got you caged against the desk. He doesn't say anything, one of his hands reaching into his pocket as he rummages through it. Pulling up a folded piece of paper, he shoves it into your open palm. “He asked me to give you this.” — He brushes his hand against his jeans as he takes a step back. 

“Fix whatever you caused.” Is all he says before turning on his heel to leave again. Upon yanking the door open, he’s met with Kai’s alarmed frame as he jumps to the side. Sparing him a mere side glance, Soobin shoves past him as he takes off down the hallway. — You shove the small paper in the pocket of your blazer as you walk over to your friend with a sheepish smile. “Hey how long have you been standing-”

“You and Yeonjun?” He asks, almost baffled as he eyes you, full of distrust. The smile immediately vanishes from your face and your throat suddenly goes dry. “W-What?” You ask, still not registering his question fully, hoping that maybe you had heard him wrong. Kai shakes his head, his jaw momentarily clenching. “Just how much exactly did you hear?” You quietly whisper. 

He gives you a small shrug, “enough.” — He sighs, looking almost defeated as he runs a hand through his blond hair. “I thought you…I mean the two of you, I never thought…” Frowning, he gives up with a small huff and you bite your lip, reaching out a hesitant hand to place on his shoulder, but he only jerks away from your touch. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” He sounds hurt, you can tell he is. The guilt was slowly seeping back into your veins, Yeonjun always made you feel guilty, but this time…this time it was your own doing. “I’m sorry.” The apology is genuine, you hope he can tell. Because you really are sorry, sorry for not being honest with your only friend. 

Kai looks at you, his eyes hold so much pain that you wondered just how deep your lie had stung. “Do you like him?” He asks, his voice sounds strained, as if he was holding back tears. The question catches you off guard and you blink. Did you like him? No, of course not. You hated him. You hated Choi Yeonjun. 

“No, nevermind, don’t answer.” He shakes his head, “I don’t care.” — You fumble for words, wanting to say anything that would comfort him. It felt almost impossible. “I- I’m sorry I should’ve told you I–” — “Yeah you should’ve.” He bites back, his unusually harsh tone making you wince. “You should’ve told me a long time ago. Before I..” He cuts himself off, biting his cheek as his gaze drops to the floor. 

“Before what?” You quietly wonder, noting the way his shoulders slumped as he exhaled a shaky breath. “Before I liked you.” His voice is merely above a whisper, his attention strained to the floor as he refused to look you in the eyes. Your mouth falls open, it wasn’t like you were completely unaware. Kai’s lingering touches and stares didn’t go unnoticed but you had never imagined that his feelings ran this deep. 

“You like me?” 

He scoffs, dragging his feet leisurely in front of him. “I thought that was obvious.” He pauses, his gaze briefly meeting yours before fleeting down again, but it was just enough for you to catch the shiny layer of tears coating his lashes. You swallow, it felt almost as if you were about to throw up, the guilt slowly eating away at you. 

All you could do was stare at him with a stunned expression, not knowing what you could possibly say to mend the situation. Kai draws in a sharp breath before he wipes his face with the back of his hand. “It’s alright”, he mumbles, “it’s not your fault.” — Your heart might as well just have been ripped out and stepped on at this point. Why was he being so kind to you, when you so obviously didn’t deserve it. 

“We’re friends still…aren’t we?” He wonders, looking up from the floor with bloodshot eyes. “T-This doesn’t change anything, right?” — You wanted to tell him that this changed everything, that things might never be the same again. But you couldn’t, you couldn’t hurt him like that. So you shake your head, wrapping your arms around him as you hug him tight. “Of course not, Kai.” 

You wondered if things had turned out differently between the two of you, had you never gotten involved with Yeonjun. 

⸝⸝

It’s early, earlier than you’d like to admit as you leave your apartment that Sunday morning. The sun has yet to rise and the city is still asleep, but you haven't been able to shut your eyes and relax for the past three days. No, you had waited, dreaded, for this day to come. — The bus is almost empty, save for another young woman, but she looks far more comfortable than you as she rests her head against the window. 

The air is cold as you step off, and you hug your coat tighter around your body. You walk for about ten minutes before a large building comes into view. Pulling the small note from your pocket, you glance between the address scribbled down and the number on the building in front of you, they perfectly align. — The note, the one Soobin had so hastily shoved in your hand three days ago, the note you had reread at least a hundred times throughout the weekend. An address, a day, but not a time. — Perhaps you were a bit early, but as you trudged up the stairs, you no longer cared. You had waited for three whole days, you’d had enough. 

You take the stairs instead of the elevator. To get some exercise in, you tell yourself. But there was no mistaking the fact that you wanted to prolong the moment for as long as possible, despite your urgency to get here. — Finally, you reach the fifth floor, out of breath, you lean against the wall as you take a moment to gather yourself. 

The first time you read the note you had considered not showing up at all. It was a cowardly move to send his friend in his place. But at the same time, your mind longed for answers, answers that you would hopefully get today. — You bring the paper to your face, rereading it one final time. The address, the day, and the small sentence, at the very bottom. 

“Let’s talk, please.” 

Fine, if he wanted to talk, then you would talk. Your fingers curl into a fist, lightly tapping the dark wood. Had it been anyone else, you would’ve been mindful of the still early hour. But right now your mind was set on one thing alone. — Your heart beats obnoxiously loud in your chest, the wait seemingly eternal. 

Then the door creaks open. And as soon as your eyes fall on him, you can tell that he’s had trouble sleeping too. The bags under his eyes were a most unusual look, his hair too, laid messily sprawled on top of his head. He’s still dressed, almost as if he hadn’t gone to bed at all. — “Hi”, his voice is low, raspy, like he hadn’t spoken in days. You give him a small nod of acknowledgement and he steps aside as he lets you in. 

Yeonjun’s apartment is clean, minimalistically furnished. It wasn’t like you had ever tried to imagine what his home would look like, but this somehow felt just like him. Your gaze trails across the few paintings on the walls, you can tell that he hadn’t picked them himself, most likely they came with the flat. The white couch, situated by the large windows, catches your eye. 

Upon walking over and taking a seat, you find that Yeonjun does the same, maintaining a respectable distance as he glances down towards his hands. For a moment, everything is quiet. Part of you wished to stay like this forever. But that was of course impossible. — He clears his throat, shifting awkwardly on the sofa. “Do you want something to drink?” You bite your lip before nodding, “water’s fine.” 

He gets up, walking over to the joint kitchen as he turns on the faucet. You can hear him grabbing glasses, filling them to the brim before returning to place one in front of you on the marbled coffee table. Quietly thanking him, you take the glass, bringing it to your lips as you take a sip. You wait for him to speak first, he was after all, the one who had reached out. 

Yeonjun looked very different like this. In the comforts of his own home he resembled little of the person you had grown accustomed to in school. You wondered if he often brought people over, judging by how awkward he was acting, you supposed not. — He draws in a sharp breath, his gaze remaining downcast as he speaks. 

“You got my note..” He mumbles as you set your glass down. “I did”, you state, leaning back against the soft cushion as you turn your head in his direction. “Why didn’t you give it to me yourself?” You frown, feeling rather hurt by his choice of using his friend, his friend who definitely didn’t seem to like you. Yeonjun is silent, he’s silent for a good while, fingers intertwined with one another as he bites the inside of his cheek. 

“I was scared.” He quietly admits and your eyes widen at the confession. “Y-You were?” You can’t shield the surprise in your voice, Choi Yeonjun, scared? He scoffs, and for a moment, his usual self emerges as his face turns into a small scowl, but the way his eyes flicker as he speaks gives him away. “Of course I fucking was, I still am.” 

“Why?” 

He doesn’t answer straight away, as if considering his next words with great care. Running a hand through his disheveled hair, he lets out a small almost inaudible exhale. “Because I’m scared that I’ve fucked things up so bad this time… That there’s no going back.” — You uncomfortably shift on the couch as you distract yourself by taking another sip of your water. Yeonjun’s body is taut as his jaw clenches, refusing to even glance in your direction he keeps his gaze steadily fixed on the window in front of him as the darkness outside slowly shifts into a deep blue.  

“I want…” He slowly begins, his sentence falling short as he takes another couple of breaths. “I want to apologize.” You blink, your eyes shifting from the water in your glass and over to him, you don’t think you had ever heard him speak with such sincerity. — And for the first time since your arrival, he looks at you. He swallows, adam's apple bobbing as he does. 

“I’m sorry.” 

When you don’t say anything he hastily continues. “I know that it doesn’t fix shit, but I…I still need to say it. And if I could I would go back and undo all the pain I caused you, I really would. I don’t expect you to forgive me, quite frankly I don’t even expect you to ever talk to me again, I suppose that’s fair. But if I don’t tell you how sorry I am now, I’m afraid that I never will.” He takes a deep breath, holding it for a few seconds before letting it go again, his shoulders slumping, almost like a deflating balloon. 

“So, I’m sorry…for everything.” 

He holds his tongue after that, gaze dropping down to his fingers once more. You don’t know how to feel, much less what to say. It was all so surreal. Hearing those words come out of his mouth felt almost like a fever dream and you wondered if you had perhaps managed to fall asleep after all and that this was just a fragment of your imagination, the universe pulling a sick prank on you. 

But then you turn to look at him. He’s nothing like the Yeonjun who had hurt you for so many weeks. Right now he looks small as he sits on the couch, biting the inside of his lip as he nervously rolls his thumbs together. In the end you realize that no matter how you feel, there’s only one thing you can say to him. 

“I forgive you.” 

He freezes, teeth letting go of his lip as he slowly lifts his head to peer over at you. An almost puzzled look paints his otherwise tired face, “you do?” He sounds almost disbelieving as he studies you with a wary expression. — You slowly nod, watching as his eyes widen with recognition, he swallows. Then everything becomes silent once more. This time it’s a different kind of silence, it’s not comfortable but the air somehow feels lighter, if only a little. 

You find yourself staring out the large windows. The sky had turned a deep orange now, shades of pink seeping through the cracks formed by the clouds. The darkness slowly makes way for the light as a new day rises before you. — You want to say something, now feels like a good moment to get things off your chest. But you can’t seem to find the words, your throat feels thick and it becomes hard to swallow.  

“Please like me instead.” 

At first you thought that you had imagined it. The faint whisper of his lips. But when he shuffles next to you on the couch, turning to face you fully, there’s no doubt about it. You tear your gaze from the warm sky as you glance over at him. In the morning light, Yeonjun looked like he was glowing. Despite the dark circles under his eyes, his dry lips, or even his unkempt hair; he looked truly beautiful. 

“What?” 

Your voice is soft, a low murmur, unsure and hesitant. He scoots closer, your knees touching as he places his hands on the cushion either side of him. “Like me instead. Instead of him.” Instead of Kai. He searches your gaze desperately as he bites his lip, leaning closer. — You don’t say anything, if you do, his statement would become real. You’re scared, you think. 

But he doesn’t give up. “I know that you hate me, but please, I can’t stand it when-”  

“I don’t hate you, Yeonjun.” 

His mouth shuts, and he blinks at you, confused, brows knitting together. “What?” — “But you said..” You shake your head, turning away as you feel tears prick in the corner of your eyes. You hated how easily he made you cry, even when he didn’t intend to. “I lied.” You confess, shame and guilt overflowing your senses. “Why?”

“Because I was scared.” 

As the words left your lips, you think that the two of you might not be so different after all. Maybe, just maybe. — Yeonjun doesn’t say anything, his attention dropping to your knees, barely grazing one another. His hand on the sofa twitches, as if he held himself back from reaching out, from touching you. 

“I was scared of liking you.” Your quiet whisper felt like a weight being lifted off your shoulders. A small murmur was all it had taken, so why had it seemed so hard? — His gaze shifts back to your face, his eyes wide as his lips part in surprise. “You were right all along”, you give him a half hearted smile, watching as his frown deepened. “I’ve always liked you”, you swallow, “even when I didn't want to.”   

A pang of guilt takes over his expression for a moment as he internally cringes at your words, more so his own actions. “I thought it would go away if I told myself that I hated you.” You shake your head, glossy eyes dropping to your hands, the first tears threatening to escape at any moment. “It never did.” Your vision slowly becomes blurred as you blink away the salty droplets that fell down your cheeks. 

You can barely see it, but you can feel it, the warm caress of his hand on your cheek. It feels nice, comforting, you don’t push him off, you don’t want to. He wipes your tears, the very same that he had caused. The faint whisper of yet another apology lingering on his lips. — Then he hesitates, you never saw Yeonjun hesitating, he always took what he wanted, did as he pleased. But you can tell that he’s uncertain of his next move. His eyes flickering between your teary eyes and parted lips. 

In the end he decides to be brave. Slowly initiating what had been on both of your minds for weeks now. But when his lips meet yours, it feels different, this kiss is nothing like your previous ones. It holds no guilt, no shame, no secrets, it doesn’t feel forced nor desperate. It feels like an apology, remorseful of the past, and like a promise, a vow to the future. You can tell that he expects you to pull back, to tell him off, just like you had days prior. 

Instead you cling to him, part of you thinks that this might be just what you need, another part says it’s stupid and reckless. But in the end, you want to be brave too. Even if that meant being stupid and reckless. — The stupid and reckless part of you lets him push you back against the soft cushion, lets him kiss you deeper, lets his hands trail across your body. 

“I’m sorry.” He chants it like a prayer, littering your body in the light caress of his lips. You know he means it, every kiss, every touch, every apology. — His hair feels soft between your fingers, you twist the strands lightly, feeling him sigh against your skin. Yeonjun was usually one to talk in moments like these, but today there are no sarcastic remarks on his tongue. He’s quiet, attentively listening to the hitch of your breath, the small moan passing your lips, he doesn’t want to miss a single thing. 

He tugs your tights off, his hands immediately soothing the goosebumps erupting on your naked skin. You think he looks pretty like this, basked in the first rays of sunshine, half lidded eyes rapidly moving as he trails them across every inch of your body. — His lips return to yours, fingers sliding between your legs just like they had so many times before, but this time it’s different, everything is. 

He touches you slowly, he pays attention, he wants to know exactly how he makes you feel. Treating you as if you were made out of glass, worshiping you as if you were made out of gold. You become hyper aware of the way his body moves against yours, the soft pattern of his fingers sending sparks through your stomach. 

You had been intimate with Yeonjun more times than you could remember. Yet as he lines himself up alongside you, it suddenly feels like the first. It feels new, nervous, perhaps even a little scary. But that was okay, you knew that he was scared too. — He goes slow, savoring the moment as his face rests in the crook of your neck. “I’m sorry.” He can’t stop saying it, it’s never enough, it never makes up for the damage he’s created, he knows it. But you forgive him, you would continue to forgive him for eternity if he apologized for as long. 

He groans against you, his voice is near trembling. Your hands are on his back, feeling the smooth surface of his skin, then they’re tangled in his hair, pulling him to look at you. For the first time it feels as if you’re seeing him clearly. Behind the lying, the cheating, the bullying, it was just him. Just Yeonjun. 

As soon as the first tear rolls down his cheek, you kiss him. Tasting the saltiness on your lips, he sobs into your mouth. His chest heaves against yours, his once slow and deliberate thrusts becoming jagged and uneven as he fights to stay composed. You want to say something, but you don’t know what. Instead you pull him closer, so close that you can’t feel anything but his body against yours. 

You stay like that, melted against one another. Hours pass, neither of you seem to mind. His breath is warm against your chest, your fingers are soft in his hair. The silence is light, comforting, reassuring. Your mind is filled with him, he’s all you can think about, all you want to think about. You know he feels the same, it’s comforting to know. It’s also scary, you’re not sure if you’re ready. But even then, you’ll at least be scared together, just the two of you. 

It’s nice to not be alone. 

⸝⸝

Monday morning also feels different. Maybe because you’re walking down the hallway side by side, you and Yeonjun. People stare, he tells you to ignore them, you try, and it works. You glance over at him, he looks happy, his step is light, his arm securely wrapped around your waist. You find yourself smiling, biting the inside of your cheek as you gaze ahead. 

It’s not until you reach the all too familiar door, leading into your classroom, that you halt. Confused, Yeonjun stops a pace in front of you. “Is something wrong?” He asks as he studies your nervous posture, your eyes flickering between the now almost empty hallway and the door in front of you. The corridors were one thing, but the classroom held so many memories. Memories that wouldn’t just vanish over a day.

He notices your hesitation, a small smile tugging at his lips as he shakes his head. He reaches out, his warm hand enveloping yours as he grips it firmly. You glance between your interlocked fingers, and the small grin splayed across his face. — “I’ve got you, nerd.” 

The small reassurance makes you smile, and you nod, letting him tug you closer as Yeonjun pushes the classroom door open.

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