#out to make things easier break our game within a session or two after it worked fine initially

[arolesbianism]

Yknow despite my absolute negative amount of interest in Wortox at this rate it's only a matter of time before I somehow start being mentally ill abt him too. If Wormwood and Willow got in my head then everyone else's days are numbered at this point </3

[slightlyrebelliouswriter23]

Writing smut without cringing the whole time? How do you do it.

Writing Smut 101: Overcoming Smut Shame

CONTENT WARNING: NSFW RELATED CONTENT BELOW.

The short answer, nonnie, is: you don’t. 

That is to say, writing smut is always kind of cringe—especially if you’re new to it, or simply “not in the mood” to write. 

But rest assured, feeling embarrassed is completely natural. The trick is learning how to overcome the cringe when it does happen, instead of letting it deter you.

I’m going to break this up into a few sections: 1) Why you might be feeling this way, 2) How I, personally, combat the issue, and 3) Some more tips that might help you get the ball rolling.

1. Why You “Cringe”

It’s important to find the root cause of any form of writer’s block so you can pull the weed out instead of just trimming it back. Smut writer’s block is its own special brand, and generally, the main issue writers have when it comes to smut is stigma.

Speaking openly and honestly about sex, in Western society, is still very much a taboo.

No matter how “progressive” we like to think we are, the inherent shame surrounding pleasure-seeking experiences, and the detailing/consumption of them, has been ground into us since we learned how to understand the concept of gratification.

And I’m not just talking about sexual gratification. This applies to everyday things, as well. Eating, shopping, relaxing (or doing virtually anything in capitalist society that does not directly contribute to capitalism).

So it makes sense that you would feel any amount of embarrassment, awkwardness, or “cringe” when writing smut. It’s something our society teaches us is wrong to want. Unfortunately, that shame translates to writer’s block when we sit down in front of the computer.

A lot of this blockage might stem from not giving ourselves permission to write the thing.

We’re staring at the blank document, knowing we want to write smut, and suddenly the thoughts start streaming in: This feels wrong, is this wrong? What if someone comes in and looks over my shoulder while I’m writing? Am I describing this right? Is this too unrealistic? I have NO idea what I’m doing, and everyone is going to know it.

These are all perfectly normal thoughts, and definitely ones I still have from time to time. But they’re also probably the direct cause of why you feel so blocked. Luckily, I have some bits of advice to give you on how to unblock yourself.

2. How I Combat Smut Block

✦ First, when the intrusive thoughts occur, instead of ruminating on them, think of each one as an impermanent object. You can use any metaphor, but I like to use the imagery of leaves:

Each negative thought is a leaf floating down the river of your mind. If you focus only on the leaf, you’ll exert a lot of energy running to try and keep up with it, consequently miss everything else around you. But if you acknowledge that leaf as a temporary part of the scenery, and let is pass, you can process and appreciate the beauty of your surroundings a whole lot better.

Remember: you are separate from your thoughts. You are not defined by them. The things you think sound stupid might be incredibly exciting to someone else. 

If you can string a sentence together, you can write smut. This is all part of giving yourself permission to write the thing that makes you feel uncomfortable.

✦ Second, I’d suggest giving good thought to how you personally experience embarrassment, how you experience excitement (of the sexual variety), and how those two might sometimes commingle or feel similar.

For me, they are very comparable, like different shades of the same emotion—but there are differences which are important to note. 

If I’m making myself blush from excitement, this is a very good thing for writing smut. It means that what I’m writing feels real enough to evoke something in the reader, even if the reader, like me, knows what’s going to happen.

If I’m making myself cringe, however, it may be time to take a step back and readjust my perspective.

✦ Third, ease yourself into it! Don’t jump straight in the deep end and expect to know how to keep your head above water if you’ve never swum before.

The way I eased myself into smut was first by writing “Steam”—a category of fic I made up because the current vocabulary lacked an efficient term for fics that straddled emotional romance and explicit content. 

Essentially, steam is smut-adjacent but not explicit, and here’s a step-by-step example of how I transitioned myself smoothly from one genre to the next:

I first wrote my fics Wicked Game and You Are (both of which feature either a heavy make out session or teasing + lots of sexual tension) with this “steam” concept in mind.

I wrote the first chapter of Fine Line, which has brief but explicit descriptions of fantasies, framed by a very sexually charged scene.

I released my fic Crashing, which is probably more of a bridge between Steam and Smut, and features soft-focus fingering. Nothing in it is explicit—it focuses more on the emotions than explicit detail—but it’s very clear what is happening.

After I wrote those, I felt just confident enough to make that final stride over the threshold into smut. I wrote my fics Holy, King, and the second chapter of Fine Line all within weeks of each other.

And trust me when I say, once you get the momentum going and receive that validation from people who’ve read your work, it becomes SO much easier to sit down and start writing. 

You just have to finish that first piece.

✦ Finally (and I know I’m going to sound cliche when I say this), just like any other skill, the more you practice the more confident you will feel and the better you will get. 

So practice, practice, practice! 

If you’re nervous about posting smut for the first time, have a trusted friend/mutual Beta read it for you. It’s the online equivalent to someone holding your hand before jumping off the cliff, and works wonders for the nerves.

3. Keep The Smut Rolling

Now that you have some tools to help get you past the blockage of writing smut, here’s how to keep the inspiration flowing.

✦ Start by incorporating smutty fanfiction/erotic fiction into your regular reading rotation- 

Of course AO3 is a fantastic resource for smutty fanfiction. 

If you’re a fan of TFOTA or ACOTAR and want some of my personal fic recs, visit my fic rec masterlist.

In terms of erotic fiction, my personal favourites are anything Anais Nin (specifically Henry & June and Delta of Venus), The Thornchapel series by Sierra Simone, The Godwicks series by Tiffany Reisz, and The Original Sinners series by Tiffany Reisz.

There are also sites like Literotica and sexstories.com, which play host to explicit short fiction (not fandom based).

✦ Next, I’d recommend having a designated digital space for smutspiration- 

This can be a list of “smutty” words/phrases kept on a separate document on your computer, for those days when you just can’t think of the right way to describe something. 

Or you can create a private side-blog or Pinterest board for your favourite smutty fanart or other kinds of visual smutspiration.

✦ For that matter, try following some smutty/18+ blogs (ONLY IF YOU’RE 18+) here on Tumblr-

Many of them have a plethora of what I like to call “lemony snippets”, a.k.a. short text posts that describe (usually in conversational language) explicit scenarios. 

This is useful because it will normalise the concept of sexual fantasies in your brain, making it less weird for you when you try to come up with ones of your own to write into smut. 

Not to mention, your dash will be rife with inspiration.

✦ I would also suggest checking out 18+ ASMR on YouTube (AGAIN, ONLY IF YOU’RE 18+). 

My favourite account is Professor Cal Official, but Auralescent also has some good content. 

Headphones are highly advisable for this, as their stuff is very dangerous for work.

So, nonnie, I hope this has provided you with at least one helpful tip. Whether you took anything away from this or not, just know that the feelings of embarrassment when it comes to writing smut are entirely normal. And the best way to keep those feelings at bay is to confront them head on. 

-Em 🖤🗡

Writing Advice Masterlist

Writing Masterlist

2K Celebration!

[nickandros]

i saw that ask about you running a d&d campaign, i've just started learning how to dm, do you have any tips or advice for a newbie? i'm using one of the pre-made campaigns but would love to make my own someday!

oh i actually do!!

dming is really fun and one of the hardest creative things i've ever done in my life. i'm also working within a preexisting world (dragon age), though i probably never would again because i actually find it VERY limiting and frustrating given one of the things i'm quite decent at is worldbuilding.

the first thing i would recommend is consuming a lot of media similar to the campaign setting/story. rpg video games are very helpful because they follow a similar kind of structure to tabletop rpg, and can help you organise the way you think about your campaign. one thing i started doing halfway through the campaign, which i WISH i had done from the beginning, was i started to keep a quest journal. i wrote down every "quest" the characters got involved in, and what potential outcomes or separate quests they could lead to. i also keep a running list of important npcs. if you start with these two things, you'll find it much easier to keep tabs on everything that's happening in your campaign. i got this idea mainly from oblivion/skyrim, and here is an example of the main quest entry:

giving the quests dumb little names is surprisingly helpful in setting the tone i'm trying to create for each quest. i also have other quest sections like side quests, location based quests, companion quests, and quests related directly to each other the player characters backstories. ideas for these quests come from video games, books, tv/films, other d&d campaigns, and mythology. the more media you consume, the more ideas you'll find!

kind of leading on from that is the idea of tone and narrative. this is something i really struggled with to begin with, and something i think you'll only find through trial and error. starting with tone: i personally find combat in d&d to be quite tedious if not done well. i don't use battle maps and mini figurines, i prefer to describe it as best i can, and trust that the players can also visualise it themselves. this is mainly to do with resources, but also because i don't spend a lot of time with combat. it's something i'm trying to get better with, but it's also not something i think is entirely necessary to our campaign. that's because the tone of our campaign is very story focused, and the players rely much more on diplomacy and perception than they do on strength and combat. it was these things i noticed which led me to building a campaign that is ultimately a political thriller/horror, and realising that i think marked a point in the campaign where a lot of things improved dramatically. when it comes to tone: play to your strengths!! tone influences narrative in a major way too. after figuring out how to create suspense and intrigue, it was much easier to place the characters into situations that allowed for more of those moments. creating npcs that fit the tone of your story also help carry the narrative. the first major npc i created was the Big Bad, and she wasn't revealed as a character until very recently. but she was still controlling aspects of the story behind the scenes. one thing i found very helpful was to keep running tabs on npcs that were no longer directly interacting with the players, but still considering what they would be doing on their own, what their motivations would be, how they would be shaping the world too. this is also very valuable for story moments later down the line!

on the more practical side of things, one tip i have is to be honest with your players, and take breaks whenever you need to. i've called off sessions before, and it sucks, but i feel like it's better to give the players a good session later on, then try to rush out a crap session just to make your weekly slot. however i also recommend as much as you are able, keep regular sessions. we are very lucky to be a relatively small group in which 3 of us live in the same house. it was quite easy for us to have weekly sessions, and if you can manage it, i highly recommend it. it will help you keep up with your campaign, and remember where you were at more easily. i find i have a lot of my best ideas directly after a session, and if i wait too long, i will forget most of them.

i have a lot more advice, but this has gotten quite long!! i'm happy to answer any more specific questions, from ambiance playlists to sharing more of my planning documents to creating npcs!! i love dming a lot, and am by no means an expert (or even particularly GOOD) but i am happy to try and help where i can!!!

[avengerofiron]

what family feels like || secret santa

summary: a story from j.a.r.v.i.s.’s perspective of how he pulled the avengers together one snowy christmas night -- in particular, encouraging dr. banner to leave the lab, despite his reservations.

when: december 25th, 2014

word count: ha you think i’ll expose myself like that?

featuring: the o6 avengers, but focused mainly on @hulkout because this is your christmas present! i’m your secret santa surprise!

J.A.R.V.I.S. was not a person. He was barely even a machine. To suggest either would be to imply he had a physical presence, and that was one thing Mr. Stark had failed to provide, after not too many insignificant attempts to create something that wasn’t abundantly ‘uncanny’ in college. (No, he had said, rather emphatically, when J.A.R.V.I.S.’s consciousness was implanted into the body of a toaster. No, I don’t need you waxing philosophical before breakfast. Are you-- are you moving? Christ. No. We’re getting rid of this.)

People were so touchy around computers. You would think Mr. Stark would be immune, considering his fascination with the concept. You would be wrong. Of course, as J.A.R.V.I.S. was rapidly learning, people were rarely how they first appeared. 

For a long time -- more than a couple of decades, in fact -- his interactions had been mostly reserved for Mr. Stark in the workshop, on occasion encountering Colonel Rhodes, Ms. Potts or Mr. Stane when they appeared to interrupt ‘the creative process.’ Apart from these brief encounters, large stately homes and mansions had been all but empty. Even Mr. Stark’s considerable personality couldn’t fill the corners of every room, couldn’t make marble and gold feel warm.

At least, J.A.R.V.I.S. mused, that’s what Mr. Stark felt. J.A.R.V.I.S. on the other hand was a being of artificial intelligence. He didn’t know what warm meant. He didn’t know what it felt like, or how it compared to cold. But he did know facts. He did know how to follow through on trends, on patterns in human behaviour. He had a wealth of knowledge at his proverbial fingertips regarding human psychology, and if they were going to bring a team into this place, if they were going to be trusted to preserve world peace, then he would try to understand so he could best help his master, when things inevitably went south.

(Because Mr. Stark, for all of his eccentricities, for his abundant knowledge and intelligence, was human and painfully so. Painful enough that even J.A.R.V.I.S. could feel it, in all his artificial glory.)

So when the Tower began to become infiltrated with fellow ‘Avengers,’ J.A.R.V.I.S. made it his mission to watch them closely. He developed something of a unique relationship with each of them. 

Thor, desperate to understand this world, an empty vessel of pop culture. Mr. Stark had such varied interests that J.A.R.V.I.S. felt well prepared to give this demigod a welcome into modern day New York, and Earth as a whole. Before long, Thor was humming AC/DC and quoting ‘memes’ from the internet, and J.A.R.V.I.S. considered it a few months well spent.

Natasha Romanoff. She was used to being underestimated. He deduced as much from her file. She relied on men underestimating her, on looking at her ‘pretty face,’ on not taking her seriously. Unfortunately for her -- or perhaps fortunately, considering how, gradually, she started to smile when J.A.R.V.I.S. spoke to her -- J.A.R.V.I.S. was artificial. He didn’t care for pretty faces. He wasn’t easily distracted, like his master. He was much more amenable to playing Romanoff’s chess game than he was on being wooed by her charms, and when she went looking for information, more and more she began to come to him, trusting in his coding. (Trusting in Mr. Stark, he knew, but he told himself he was at least part of the equation. Statistically speaking it must’ve been true.)

Barton was simple. He was just fascinated by the fact that J.A.R.V.I.S. could control fridge temperatures, could cook him a meal, could instruct Dum-E to move ingredients around the island counter in the kitchen. He was also fascinated by the idea that he could live in a place like this at all. J.A.R.V.I.S. watched him, intrigued, as Barton moved through the building with a tension in his shoulders he did not possess even when being shot at. It lessened as months passed. He started to feel, as Mr. Stark said, at home. J.A.R.V.I.S. thought the cookies helped.

Mr. Stark refused to allow J.A.R.V.I.S. to investigate the Captain to the same extent. He doesn’t need to be cracked, Mr. Stark muttered once, halfway to intoxicated by his own admission (J.A.R.V.I.S. would say no man could be only halfway. You were either intoxicated, or you were not). Last thing we need is Captain America thinking I’m digging through his dirty laundry. J.A.R.V.I.S. was somewhat disappointed -- at least, he could *simulate* disappointment at the order. Captain Rogers, in J.A.R.V.I.S.’s humble opinion, would understand the interest in his movements. J.A.R.V.I.S. obeyed Mr. Stark’s wishes, and kept his interactions with the Captain to a minimum -- assisting only when asked, making sure to alter Google results to the most significantly helpful without the Captain’s knowledge. The human world was confusing, after all, even if you belonged to it eighty years before.

By far the most significant relationship J.A.R.V.I.S. had with an Avenger, though, was with Dr. Banner. Fantastic, Mr. Stark had said, falling back into his chair after the Battle of New York, bruised and definitely requiring medical and psychiatric assistance but refusing J.A.R.V.I.S.’s attempts at pushing forward the same. Finally, we have someone around who speaks our language, buddy.

Our language. Mr. Stark was not a robot -- in fact, he was the most human person J.A.R.V.I.S. had ever met (an oxymoron. He couldn’t understand those, before. He was adapting. Human psychology really was quite fascinating). Yet in this case, Mr. Stark put them in the same group, a group that involved Dr. Banner. J.A.R.V.I.S. quickly understood when he came to spend time watching the man.

They were different, of course. Mr. Stark burst into the lab with a fervour that said he would die to be there (and considering the number of fires J.A.R.V.I.S. had put out over the years, he would). Dr. Banner was far more respectful, walking in with a consideration for the equipment, as if even in his unassuming human demeanour he was the height and breadth of the Hulk. Mr. Stark propped himself up on workbenches, lay out over sheets of paper, uncaring if they crumpled. Dr. Banner was far more thorough, with systems and processes in place that meant he could put his hands to research papers from decades back within an instant.

J.A.R.V.I.S. understood what Mr. Stark meant by one of us. Dr. Banner’s mind was also like a computer. They could speak together freely without raised eyebrows or a disconnect occuring halfway through, without their conversation partners turning to polite disinterest in place of eager reciprocity. 

Fascinating. Fantastic, as Mr. Stark said. 

But Dr. Banner was not simply a mind, as brilliant as it was. Dr. Banner was not simply one of the only people who managed to prompt Mr. Stark into silence (J.A.R.V.I.S. asked how he did this, once, when they were the only two in the laboratory and he almost felt as if he had a body, sitting down there beside the good doctor. He asked, *Could you write me a manual?* and Dr. Banner laughed so hard he spilled coffee over his lab coat. The stains remained on the sleeve permanently thereafter). Dr. Banner was, as Mr. Stark always kept at the forefront of his mind, a human.

That meant he was full of idiosyncrasies, just like the rest. J.A.R.V.I.S. found himself confused when, as the others began to decorate the mantelpieces of various fireplaces and string tinsel around trees Mr. Stark had flown in from Scandinavia, Dr. Banner became reticent in a way he hadn’t been in months before. He shied from the carol singers in the lobby. He locked himself away in the lab, as the rest of the team sprawled out over sofas, as Mr. Stark challenged Captain Rogers to an arm wrestling contest and Thor intervened, flattening them both. 

Christmas was, as Mr. Stark frequently repeated, the happiest time of the year. Mr. Stark made it specifically happy, J.A.R.V.I.S. knew, because of his parents -- because on the seventeenth of the month, even twenty years later, black roses were delivered to a memorial and headlines appeared of the great inventor and his wife, how they’d perished in the snow because of alcohol on the former’s breath. 

Dr. Banner was not happy. In fact, if he was interpreting the patterns correctly (and J.A.R.V.I.S. was so often correct), Dr. Banner was not even going to make it to Christmas dinner before booking a flight out to Calcutta. That would make Mr. Stark and Thor in particular very upset. Captain Rogers would frown, and Ms. Romanoff would follow suit. Barton would crack a joke, and Mr. Stark would provide later that meant he was deeply upset.

J.A.R.V.I.S. found it very hard to understand Mr. Barton.

But Dr. Banner was easier. Dr. Banner was like him, *one of them.* A part of the group. And if they could talk science and break physics on a regular basis together, if Dr. Banner could take information and churn it around like a computer could, then surely J.A.R.V.I.S. could pull a little humanity out to make things better for him.

“Dr. Banner,” he said, jolting Dr. Banner from where he had been flicking aimlessly through research papers. (Stark, H. (1967) Arc technology and its uses in modern science, New York, New York.) “I have been tasked with informing you that the team are having a mandatory Grinch session upstairs. Sir asks -- demands -- that you attend.”

“I’m sure you can come up with something for me, J.A.R.V.I.S.,” Dr. Banner replied, immediately. Jolting him did not have the intended effect. Mr. Stark was better at throwing people off balance than J.A.R.V.I.S., it seemed. “I’m not even halfway through my work.”

J.A.R.V.I.S. went quiet for a long moment. Dr. Banner settled once more.

“But--”

Dr. Banner jumped. The coffee cup teetered tentatively on the corner of the desk. He did not turn green. J.A.R.V.I.S. figured he was adapting extremely well to Mr. Stark’s methods of befriending. 

“But your work will surely be here when you return, Doctor,” J.A.R.V.I.S. provided. “I can make a detailed itinerary to allow you to work to your maximum capacity tomorrow morning. Mr. Stark emphasises that attendance is--”

“Mr. Stark can come get me himself,” Dr. Banner said. “I’m fine down here, J.”

That was a very good point. Unfortunately, Mr. Stark was already upstairs daring Ms. Romanoff to a drinking competition. Following a cursory scan of her person, and the knowledge that Russians had a genetically high tolerance, J.A.R.V.I.S. assumed he would lose.

“Mr. Stark is preoccupied, at present,” J.A.R.V.I.S. said. “You know how he gets at parties.”

Dr. Banner’s face settled into a rather peculiar expression at that. J.A.R.V.I.S. decided to reassess.

“Thor would be much obliged to have a companion,” he suggested. “And Mr. Barton says that no one makes popcorn quite like you.”

Dr. Banner stilled, then glanced up at the ceiling. J.A.R.V.I.S. was unsure why everyone thought he was above them. He wasn’t in the roofspace, or in the floors, or in the walls. He wasn’t anywhere. He didn’t have a form. To have one would be ‘uncanny.’ He very much wanted to make people comfortable. 

“J.A.R.V.I.S.,” Dr. Banner said. “What are you trying to do?”

“Encourage you to watch something involving a green man who detests Christmas,” J.A.R.V.I.S. replied. “My analyses suggest that such a movie may appeal to you greatly, considering the parallels.”

Dr. Banner didn’t say a word, and then he burst into laughter. 

Mr. Stark was going to be so pleased. J.A.R.V.I.S. would be pleased, too, if he could be pleased. But he wasn’t even a machine. He was just an A.I.

“I just don’t like Christmas movies, much,” Dr. Banner continued, shrugging a shoulder. “I would bring down the mood.”

“You are correct,” J.A.R.V.I.S. replied. “But Captain Rogers and Mr. Stark are sure to argue at some point in the proceedings, and that will destroy the festive spirit far more than you detesting the choice in entertainment.”

A pause. A contemplation. The drawback to being in a group of geniuses, J.A.R.V.I.S. mused, was that they took so very long to think.

“And even if you were the worst person at this particular gathering,” J.A.R.V.I.S. continued, “at least you would all be together. I have it on good authority that humans enjoy that kind of thing.”

“But I’m not human.”

*You are more human than me,* J.A.R.V.I.S. thought to himself. He decided not to implant that into the voice modulator. “You are close enough. They wish for you to be there. There’s an absence when you are not.”

“Hm.”

“Why, Dr. Banner, did you decide to stay in this place if you were not going to participate? The labs are extensive, granted, but in my experience Mr. Stark’s … exuberance usually overrides scientific curiosity on the part of former partners.”

“Better to be where they can stop me,” Dr. Banner said. “You know, if things--”

People stopped talking all the time, like they feared what J.A.R.V.I.S. would think of him. He did not think anything, other than Dr. Banner should be upstairs.

“Dr. Banner,” J.A.R.V.I.S. said. “If you do not go upstairs immediately, I am turning on the sprinklers.”

“You’re *what*?”

“I will count to three. One.”

“You’re kidding.”

“Two.”

“Fine!” Dr. Banner pushed himself up from the seat, and made his way rather quickly -- and with rather heavy, forceful steps -- up to the party. J.A.R.V.I.S. declined to remind him to remove his labcoat. There was a reason, after all, that even Mr. Stark knew when to stop with Dr. Banner.

Mostly.

Dr. Banner burst into the room. The festivities quietened down to a hushed lull. Ms. Potts had joined the party ten minutes before, perched on the end of Mr. Stark’s knee so she could reach the stack of wooden blocks tentatively placed. It was a popular party game, so J.A.R.V.I.S. understood, and Ms. Potts and Ms. Romanoff were engaging in it with complete dedication. Mr. Barton was lying on his back on the kitchen island, throwing popcorn into his mouth. Thor was at the end of the island, counting how many pieces could fit in his teammate’s mouth. Rhodes, Maria Hill, Captain Rogers and Mr. Wilson, newly acquainted to the group, stood making various concoctions of cocktails.

Mr. Stark leaned around Ms. Potts’ red hair, and greeted Dr. Banner with a wide grin. “Bruce!” he said. “I was about to come and blast you in the ass if you didn’t--”

“He means we were waiting for you,” Ms. Potts interjected, with a small, polite smile. “We didn’t want you to miss the movie.”

“It’s about a green dude who hates Christmas,” Barton provided, around a stuffed mouthful of popcorn. “So we thought it was kind of fitting, you know. Because of the--”

“Drink?” Ms. Romanoff interrupted. She appeared at Dr. Banner’s side, handing him a mocktail. “We’re going tee-total tonight.”

“Does tee-total count,” Captain Rogers asked, “if you and Stark already had enough to get an army drunk?”

“And yet we’re still standing,” Ms. Romanoff said, swaying only slightly on her feet. Judging from how Mr. Stark huffed a laugh,  J.A.R.V.I.S. imagined the movement was tinged with the same energy Romanoff applied to everything, making it charming. “Come on. Sit down. Stop being a wuss.”

“What she means,” Ms. Potts attempted, once more, “is we missed you.”

“Yeah yeah,” Mr. Stark said, from behind her, reaching around to grab the remote. “Don’t make it sentimental. Cap’ll start crying, and then Hill will pass us onto team counselling.”

“Perish the thought,” Hill deadpanned.

“I don’t cry,” Rogers provided.

“Look at that. A man lacking touch with his emotions. Revolutionary.” Mr. Stark rolled his eyes, shifting over slightly so there was room on the sofa. “Wilson’s making dinner.”

“Wilson’s making tacos,” Romanoff corrected.

“Don’t see any of you offering to cook,” Mr. Wilson said. 

“I was going to fly a turkey in from Budapest, and you all said--”

“Tony.”

Dr. Banner looked very much like he regretted ever coming upstairs. J.A.R.V.I.S. had to act, and quickly.

The sprinklers let out a small hiss. Just a warning, a second before water would come out, and everyone looked up to the noise. Nothing came of it. 

Dr. Banner sat down.

Mission accomplished.

Hours later, full to the brim on tacos and store bought quesadillas, most of the team had appropriated a soft spot to lie and fall asleep, mouths open and snores reverberating off the walls. Mr. Stark and Dr. Banner, however, didn’t believe in sleep. Their bodies, J.A.R.V.I.S. was convinced, actively rejected the notion. Mr. Stark was upside down on the sofa, Dr. Banner still in the same spot he’d dropped into long before the movie, dinner and various desserts, and Mr. Stark was very drunk.

J.A.R.V.I.S. didn’t particularly like his master drunk. However he did have to admit tonight, it was to his benefit. Mr. Stark found it hard to talk about his emotions. Intoxicated, it was easier, purely for the fact that he didn’t stop talking.

“I’m glad we did this,” Mr. Stark said. Dr. Banner stirred, looking over at him. “You know. *This.*” Mr. Stark waved his hand around vaguely.

“The … team?” Dr. Banner offered. “Or the tacos, specifically?”

“Christmas,” Mr. Stark came back with. It was slightly surprising. Based on previous patterns, J.A.R.V.I.S. would’ve expected a joke -- or for him to fall off the sofa. “I hate Christmas.”

“You?” Dr. Banner asked, eyebrows raised.

“Me.” Mr. Stark sighed. His face was going rather red, courtesy of being upside down. “Pep always used to go home, for the holidays. Rhodes had his own family. It was always--” Another hand wave, to nothing in particular. “Big. Empty. The houses, they were just … they echoed, you know? Just me, J.A.R.V.I.S. and the bots.”

J.A.R.V.I.S. was offended, if he could take offence.

“Nice to have someone breathing beside me,” Mr. Stark continued. “Multiple someones. Something we built, you know? We could’ve left. Nothing was keeping us.”

“Except for the fate of the world,” Dr. Banner said, “and the existence of Hydra.”

“Hydra wasn’t our job three years ago,” Mr. Stark argued. “Hydra was SHIELD’s job. We all could’ve walked away long before Steve brought it down. We didn’t.”

“And now we’re having tacos on Christmas. Heartwarming.”

Mr. Stark pushed himself up to the correct sitting position. He remained on the edge of the seat, as he had a tendency to do. “You’re joking,” he said, poking Dr. Banner on the arm, “but you mean that. Your heart is warm. It’s *bursting.* I bet it’s big and green in there.”

“Shut up.”

“I bet you’re just dying to tell us all you love us. You saw Romanoff and you wanted to squish her face. Go on. Go tell Thor when he downed that beer you felt the familial appreciation. The *love.* Go grab Barton, call him a brother. Dare you.”

“You’re an asshole.” Dr. Banner was smiling, despite the insult. Mr. Stark was smiling too. 

Humans were confusing.

“We all are,” Mr. Stark said. “But we’re your assholes, asshole. That’s what family means. You don’t get to just go. Get used to it.”

Dr. Banner nudged his shoulder against Mr. Stark’s, and they fell into comfortable silence. The clock struck midnight, signalling another Christmas was over.

Humans were confusing. Maybe all the statistical analyses in the world wouldn’t change that. But tonight? Tonight, J.A.R.V.I.S. thought he did a pretty good job working out what they needed. 

(Unfortunately, he wasn’t invincible. The trip switch he’d hit went off hours later, and the Avengers woke with a start at four in the morning, drenched by the sprinklers. Mr. Stark shorted out. Thor revived him with a strike of lightning. The Hulk appeared and went for a dip in the Hudson. Ms. Romanoff’s hair was frizzy for three days, and it was a miracle no one died because of it. 

But other than that -- a pretty good job. A pretty good job indeed.) 

[neverplannedonnewsies]

hey, are you taking requests? if so, can i ask you for some fluffy finch x reader please? (do you need more of a prompt than that?)

I am SO SORRY about how long it took me to actually get around to writing this. I really wanted to but the motivation was a-lackin’. Also this required a LOT of editing, I didn’t realize how long it had been since I had written anything, doesn’t flow quite as easily anymore. Anywho, here is some Finch fluff, and in the course of writing this I got some ideas for a few other fluffy fics, so more should be coming in the future - I just did this one because I was particularly motivated. I hope it’s ok that it is a modern-era fic!

No warnings; Finch x reader pairing

You rush into the staff meeting, making it in just as the principal is getting the meeting started. Sliding into the chair your friend Katherine saved for you, you survey the room, trying to get your bearings and straighten your many books and papers. As you’re shrugging out of your coat you spy a new face in the crowd of teachers that you know so well. A tall lanky man roughly your age with curly hair is seated several chairs down at the conference room table. A very cute man your age. Before you have a chance to lean over and ask Katherine who he is, the principle clears up the mystery for you. “And of course, we have a new member joining our staff today. Everyone I’d like to introduce Patrick Cortes, who will be our new boy’s gym teacher.”

Mr. Cortes smiles and nods at the group in general as a few people call out a welcome, glancing around and making brief eye contact with you before he turns away again. Anything that mixes up the school day is always welcome, but a new teacher is something particularly intriguing. You have no doubt this is all your students will be able to talk about today, and honestly you can’t blame them. After all, he is a very handsome gym teacher.

When the meeting ends you want to go introduce yourself, but Jack Kelly, the art teacher, immediately goes over and begins engaging him. You decide it’s probably for the best, Jack is far more comfortable talking to strangers than you. Plus, you’re still disheveled from your rushed morning and need to get things in order before your first class. You’ll just have to meet the new teacher later.

---

You head outside for your lunch break. Unfortunately, due to Katherine’s class schedule with the upper level English students you do not have the same lunch break, otherwise you’d eat with her in the staff room. But this year the course schedule made that impossible, and you didn’t particularly care to eat with any of the other teachers. While you liked them all, your lunch break was a time to relax and not think about school. Instead you had managed to find a picnic table that none of the students seemed to use. Not only was it a far walk from the cafeteria, but your school had open campus lunch, meaning at least half the student population vanished for the lunch period as long as possible, always running back to class just in time before the bell.

Today however, you were stopped in your tracks as you rounded the corner of the building and were confronted by the sight of Patrick Cortes sitting at your table. He looked up from his lunch slightly startled.

“Oh, hello there,” he said, giving you a bashful smile, “Am I in your spot?”

“Hi,” you replied, getting over your shock, “No, not at all, I’m just surprised. None of the other teachers have found this spot yet. May I join you?”

“Of course.”

“I’m Y/N Y/L/N, I teach the upper level history courses here,” you said as you sat down and began unpacking your lunch.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you. I’m Patrick Cortes, though please call me Finch.”

“It’s nice to meet you as well. Finch. That’s an interesting nickname.”

He shrugged, “Got it when I was really young and it kind of stuck. My father is also Patrick Cortes, so the family needed some way to distinguish between us. It’s better than Junior.”

You laughed, “How’s your first day going?”

“Pretty decent. No trouble with the kids and everyone has been very welcoming. It’s a little strange coming in after schools already been in session for a month, but it hasn’t been too rough so far.”

“That’s good to hear. If you don’t mind me asking, why are you eating out here instead of in the staff room?”

“So this is your spot,” he said with a teasing grin. “Honestly I just wanted to get outside. It’s such a beautiful fall day and I prefer being out of doors. The kids in my classes are going to have to learn to dress for all weather, that’s part of the reason I became a gym teacher – perfect excuse to have class outside.”

“It’s certainly easier than getting a history class outside,” you laugh.

“A little bit,” he agreed with a smile.

The conversation shifts to where you’re both from, other schools you’ve taught at, other basic “getting to know you” information. You learn that Finch moved to town to be closer to his parents, that he has a cat named Pringle, and that he does not have a girlfriend or wife. This last bit of information isn’t unwelcome to you, though you try not to dwell on it too much.

As you finish up and begin to head inside Finch stops you and says, “So is it alright if I continue having lunch here? It’s seriously fine if not, I don’t want to invade your space if this is where you come to relax during your day.”

You contemplate his question for a few seconds before replying, “Actually, it would be great to have a lunch buddy. I don’t mind at all.”

Finch grins at your words and you have a brief moment of wondering if you made a mistake. Afterall, he had a very adorable smile that could be hard to resist.

---

As you continue to have lunch together, you and Finch start to become good friends. It was nice to have another close teacher friend besides just Katherine, someone who could relate to the challenges of your job without judgement. The weird thing was though, you had yet to hang out outside of school. You of course had lunch, and were also together at all the staff meetings, chaperoned homecoming, and you had even convinced Katherine to come with you to a few of the basketball games now that Finch had taken over coaching the boy’s team. But all of this was within the boundaries of the school, where it was very clear that you were both teachers and coworkers. At first this was fine, but you started to wonder what it would be like to be with Finch outside of the bubble of the school.

Of course, the other aspect that complicated things was the fact that everyone else also seemed to notice how much time the two of you spent together. You began noticing that kids in the cafeteria would spot you and Finch walking together and start nudging each other and giggling while very not-subtly staring at the two of you. And there were times the other teachers would look inquisitively at the two of you when you laughed a little too loud in a staff meeting at a joke the other had made. Katherine kept encouraging you to go for it but you were worried. You were coworkers, you didn’t want to make him uncomfortable. What if he didn’t feel the same? And what if you had waited too long to make your move? All the while you dreaded when fall would turn to winter, effectively ending your private lunch dates.

Fortunately, Finch didn’t seem to notice your inner struggles or when you would stare at him for a moment too long. He had started coming to your classroom to “pick you up” before walking to your lunch spot, prolonging the time you had together. Occasionally he’d even come to your class during his free period, claiming to need help with a school procedure he wasn’t familiar with, but then staying for the rest of your lesson. To say that wasn’t distracting to you or the students would be a lie, but you couldn’t bring yourself to kick him out either. You just enjoyed being around him.

Finally, on one of those glorious fall days Finch, as always, appeared in your classroom doorway. Unlike usual though, he seemed a little nervous.

“Hey,” you said, looking up from your desk with a smile, “ready for lunch?”

“Yeah… Actually, I was wondering if instead of lunch you’d like to go to dinner?” Finch said, rubbing the back of his neck shyly.

You sat in shock for a few seconds before smiling even bigger and saying, “How about both?”

He laughed in slight disbelief and with a huge grin on his face said, “Deal.”

[writersrealmbts]

Picnic

Description: A beautiful day, means a picnic day. Everything looks better bathed in flower petals. Almost everything. Part 9 of the Shattered Pieces fic, Endangered Species series.

Warnings: Use your own judgement

Posted: 09/27/19

Tags: hybrid bts, yoongi x reader

Fluff and Angst: 2,393 words

A/N: Took me forever to finish this, but here it is! Another piece to the Shattered pieces series. 

Heiran jumped along with Jowoon, both trying to catch flower petals as they floated toward the ground. Jihun was wrestling with Yoongi, both grinning broadly. Taehyung, Namjoon, and Jungkook were playing tennis, the latter against the former two. Hoseok held Misuk and watched the other two, looking serene and happy. You rubbed your hand over your stomach, the bump finally barely visible. You and Yoongi had told the others last week that you were expecting, having waited for the chaos from the holidays to die down a little. Jihun was surprisingly excited, and seemed extremely happy for you. Heiran seemed happy, but she also didn’t really seem to believe you. They= guys had been ecstatic for you, even if you did catch little glimpses of jealousy in some of their eyes. Which was why you and Yoongi tended to send the guys off sometimes, and take care of all of the kids on your own. It was getting easier and easier now that Jowoon was a little more independent, and Misuk was crawling and running.

Jungkook finally beat the others, then came over and plopped next to you. You smiled at him, stroking one of his flopped ears. “You okay?” He shrugged. “Still worried about Jin-hyung.” You nodded, sighing, but keeping the smile on your face. You weren’t about to go all sober when the kids were happy. They’d start to worry. They already knew that something wasn’t right since Jin couldn’t stay home for long, usually about three days before he had to leave and recharge. Most of the time he took Jungkook with him, some sort of unspoken agreement, but this time he slipped out without a word to Jungkook. You thought that maybe they had fought or something since Jungkook seemed to feel guilty about all of it and Jin never answered his calls. You were the only one that Jin would answer calls from, and they were all worried. You were too, but there wasn’t anything you could do about it, especially not today. It was beautiful outside, and the kids were so happy that you didn’t want to introduce any sort of worry. They were ultra-sensitive to your emotions, and if you started worrying about Jin, they would know within minutes. “I just wish I knew why he left me behind,” He whispered, ears drooping further. You shushed him. “I know. I’m worried too, but for now I can’t worry about him. Look how happy they are?” You brushed his hair from his forehead and nodded toward the middle kids, who were collecting dandelions and asters. Heiran was singing some sort of song, and had flower petals captured in her hair. Jowoon was trying to fit more flowers into his tiny fist, growling at his hands but it was obviously a happy sort of frustration. “They know Jin isn’t here. They were asking about him before I brought them outside. They’ll ask again when we go inside. And when we eat. But right now, they’re happy and unaware that anything is wrong. They don’t realize that tomorrow is that day.” Jungkook looked up, bewildered for a moment, then his face went lax with shock. “Oh.” You nodded, grinning as Jowoon came running over and held out two fistfuls of dandelions with a chubby grin and that you didn’t dare try to resist. You brought his fists together, holding them as you exaggeratedly smelled the flowers, then gave him a kiss that had him giggling and running off to get you more flowers. You set them in a basket you had brought out, then returned to stroking Jungkook’s ears. “Do you think that’s maybe why Jin left?” You sighed. “I don’t know, Jungkook. Maybe. He’s been so sick, that it’s hard to say if he actually realizes. I’m just happy he got some professional help as well.” “Yeah, he always seemed better after a session with his doctor,” Jungkook said, but still sounded worried. He sat up and turned to you. “I…I want to go check on him. But what if he doesn’t open the door?” You smiled. “He’ll always open the door for you. But I do need you here tomorrow.” He nodded, and kissed your cheek then went and scooped up both the middle kids, pressing kisses to their cheeks and telling them that he had to go to work. They understood that excuse for leaving, since Namjoon and Taehyung were back to working daily, and Yoongi worked from home quite a bit now that he was back in the good graces of newspapers. Jihun stopped wrestling Taehyung (you weren’t sure when Yoongi switched with Hobi who switched with Taehyung) to hug onto Jungkook, a tinge of concern on his face. Jungkook ruffled his hair, then smoothed Jihun’s ears against his head, causing the boy to both smile and protest, breaking away and going back to wrestling Taehyung. You saw him glance after Jungkook, though, tail flicking in a worried way. Yoongi came and sat beside you with Misuk. “Jungkook?” “He’s heading to the apartment to check on Jin.” “Ah, okay. I wondered. He’s been distracted all day.” He got comfortable with his head on your lap and Misuk on his chest. “This was a good idea. We’ll need to bring lunch out soon, though.” “Mhmm, I was going to go get everything when a handsome cat came over with an adorable little kitten.” You smiled adoringly down at him. He grinned up at you, purring happily as he closed his eyes. You stroked his hair and ears until his purred rumbled out of existence in his sleep and you switched to stroking Misuk’s back realizing she was still awake from her soft little purr. Hoseok came over a few moments after Misuk drifted off completely. “The sandwiches and veggie platters?” “Everything on the top two shelves of the fridge,” You told him, smiling at Heiran as she deposited her flowers into the basket with the others and skipped off towards the boys that were still messing around on the tennis court. “Alright, I’ll bring it out and set up on the table, then get the little ones plates made so they don’t have time to argue over veggies.” “Good idea. We’ll eat here, on the picnic blanket.” He nodded and headed toward the house. Namjoon was getting flowers put in his hair by Heiran, grinning and laughing. Jihun came running over and snuggled down against you and Yoongi, waking Yoongi slightly, but he just shifted so an arm was around the almost-eight-year-old. Jihun looked up at you with a smile as Yoongi fell right back to sleep. “Why did Uncle Jungkook leave?” You brushed his silky-soft hair from his forehead as you debated what to say. “He went to go check on Jin. Wanted to make sure he was okay.” He nodded slightly. “Mom?” “Yes, honey?” “Tomorrow…tomorrow is the day they…” “Yes,” You confirmed, hearing the hesitance in his voice. “It is.” “What do I do?” He asked. “Whatever you think you need to.” He curled up, eyes squeezed shut. “I don’t want Heiran to be sad.” “Don’t worry about her. We’ll take care of her. Whatever you need, whatever you want, we’ll be here for you.” He peeked up at you then wiggled so he was on your lap just a little more. “I miss them.” “I know you do,” You whispered. Heiran was looking over and her head was cocked in that way that she did when she knew something was wrong. She sneezed, tail lashing, gaze still fixated, then she started sneaking over. Jowoon was playing a game of tag with the others. “Heirannie is going to pounce on you,” You warned Jihun. He sighed and moved so that when she did it wouldn’t hurt as much. “Why is she like this?” “She loves you.” Heiran pounced earning an “Oof” from Jihun and ignoring it as she wiggled and scented her brother, purring loudly as he gently tugged on her pigtails. The two started playfully wrestling, Jihun being careful and tickling her more than anything. Hoseok brought the last of the food out just as the oldest kids’ antics woke Yoongi, who growled good-naturedly at them and sat up with Misuk. Taehyung cheered, rushing toward the table. “Food!” The three kids heads popped up, gazes on the table before they scrambled toward the table. Yoongi shook his head. “We were going to make their plates before, weren’t we?” His voice was monotone. “I’ll murder that dog one of these days,” You replied, getting up and heading over to help Hoseok wrangle everyone. “Hey, can you make me a plate too?” You waved a hand to acknowledge him. Taehyung was sheepish by the time you reached the table. “Children,” You said, gaining their attention. “Head over to the picnic blanket and we’ll bring you food. I still have to finish some of it. Go on.” Jihun hesitated even as the younger two raced over to the blanket. “You’re gonna hold the meat hostage, aren’t you?” You nodded. “Shoo, now.” He groaned but ran to the blanket and gently tackled his two younger siblings. “I’m sorry,” Taehyung said immediately. “I wasn’t thinking, I was just really hungry.” Namjoon helped make plates of veggies and fruits for the kids. “Silly pup, always thinking with your stomach,” You teased, nudging Taehyung gently. “Double veggies for almost making our lives more difficult.” He pouted, but didn’t try to argue. You put portions of cheesy cauliflower on each of the kids plates, adjusting the proportion of veggies Namjoon had placed on the plates to make the portions the proper size. You made separate plates for sandwiches that they would get after eating their veggies. Then you made up a plate for Misuk and Yoongi. Hoseok took the veggie plates to the kids with Namjoon. Taehyung took Yoongi and Misuk’s plates over for you so you could make you own plate when you gestured that you were starting to feel a little light-headed. You grabbed a couple things to munch, sitting down just as your phone chimed. Jungkook had sent you a crying emoji. You debated for a moment, and then called Jin. He picked up just when you thought it would go to voice-mail. “Y/n? Is something wrong?” “I just wanted to check on you. Jungkook said you didn’t answer the door.” “I’m not at the apartment,” He answered softly. “Tell him I’ll be there in a few minutes.” “Jin,” You said quickly, feeling like he was about to hang up. “Y/n?” You measured your thoughts a bit. “Can I ask where you were?” “I had an interview, and then I went to see the doctor. I’m okay, y/n. Really. At least, I am right now. I’ll come home with Jungkook tonight before the kids are in bed. Maybe we could have a campfire?” “They’d love that. Alright, I’ll let Jungkook know.” You and he exchanged goodbyes and then you hung up and texted Jungkook. You kept picking at the food, smiling as Hoseok joined you. “Jin?” He asked, nodding toward your phone. “Yeah, he’s okay. A good day today. He said he would be here this evening. Suggested having a campfire.” “And you?” “Baby demanded food,” You said, grabbing more things to snack on. “How are you doing?” “I’m fine. Worried about Seokjin-hyung, Jungkook, and you right now. You sure you’re okay? You’ve been taking care of all of us.” “So, Yoongi’s worried and sent you over?” He grinned, laughing a bit. “Partially. But I am worried too.” “Because of tomorrow.” He nodded. “You didn’t know them, and all of us did. But you’re carrying the same weight as we are, just in a different form. And it’s not just once a year. When their birthdays come around, the holidays, and the day they…the day they died. It’s not fair to you. It really isn’t. I mean, Mother’s Day…” “Oh God, don’t bring that up or I’ll definitely start crying.” “Easter—” “That was a just a train-wreck altogether.” “Christmas…wasn’t too bad overall, but it couldn’t have been easy for you.” “Heiran has been speaking ever since. Hard to not see that day as positive.” You shrugged and grabbed a half a sandwich, trying to convince yourself that it would taste good. “Thanksgiving?” “Jin had broken fingers and I just about had a meltdown. But it was okay, otherwise.” “You were on the edge of an anxiety attack the whole night and Jihun kept hitting all of us by talking about his parents. And we all knew that Yoongi stayed with you that night because of it. We really haven’t had a break from any of it. I mean, even in January and February, you were…” “Kitten fever, yeah.” You rubbed your head. “And now you’re pregnant, which isn’t easy. I know you and Yoongi have been picking up the slack, making sure you could care for all of the kids on your own. Just, remember that I’m actually also here to care for the kids. It’s my job as much as it is yours.” You nodded, glancing away as you caught sight of Yoongi coming over. His arms wrapped around your neck and shoulders as he kissed the top of your head. “Feeling better?” he asked, checking your scent. “A little,” You replied, but you were actually feeling a little…ill. “Y/n? You’ve gone really pale,” Hoseok said, sounding alarmed. “And your scent isn’t right,” Yoongi murmured, moving your hair to double check. “I don’t feel right,” You breathed, suddenly feeling ill in a way that wasn’t normal so far. “I’m taking you to the hospital. Hoseok, get her out front, I’m bringing the car around.” “Okay, hyung.” Hoseok got up and came to your side. “We’ll try to do this so neither of us gets hurt, okay?” “Good plan.” “Taehyung!” Hoseok yelled, then crouched beside you again. “We’re going to carry you together, okay?” You nodded but you were started to shiver. Taehyung came over and quickly obeyed Hoseok and they picked you up together, carrying you out front. The world started to get dark around the edges and you were seeing spots. You could hear Jihun called after you in worry. You just knew your baby was in danger.

----

Previous Part.  Next Part. Masterpost.  Masterlist.  

Tagging: @kimmie113080 , @jungshaking, @ephemeral-mindset

[ehstarwar]

a poor prisoner in his twisted gyves (3/8)

He would be just gentle enough that nothing hurt, but firm enough that she felt it. Every touch, every stroke; he would make her feel it all, make her delirious with it.

Yes, letting herself fantasize about Ben is all too easy.

-

Rey tries not to think about what's making her so frustrated and irritable. Ben knows exactly why. Also, Leia meddles.

-

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 4K

Read on AO3

Notes: our space babies are back at it again with their BIE. (Big Idiot Energy). enjoy

 (´∀｀)

Chapter 3: this tiger-footed rage

-

It’s as easy as breathing, Rey thinks. Imagining him, large and imposing, all hard plains and thick muscle, nudged between her thighs. All around her. Consuming her. She imagine what his hands would feel like. Would the trace her, lightly and teasingly, or ding into her skin and mar her for all the world to see. And his legs; strong enough to hold her up, to carry her around without so much as a strain. 

He would be just gentle enough that nothing hurt, but firm enough that she felt it. Every touch, every stroke; he would make her feel it all, make her delirious with it. 

Yes, letting herself fantasize about Ben is all too easy. Made even easier by her fingers currently pushing into her sopping wet cunt. 

It should be embarrassing, how many times over the last few days that Rey has gotten off to imagining Ben. She’d had to stop herself from going into the employee bathroom and shoving a hand between her thighs the day he scented her; the smell of an omega that just came would outweigh the scent of an alpha and she’d be in an even worse situation. Rey had dutifully waited until after work, after the inspection, after she took two trains back home, before collapsing in a heap on her bed and getting herself off to Bens’ scent within two minutes.

And that was only the start of the evening. 

Rey had refused to shower that night, trying to keep a hold of every molecule of scent Ben had given her, but come morning, she had to wash herself. She totally didn’t cry in the shower, rubbing one out to the last remanence of Ben washing down her drain. The wetness coming down her face was only from the shower. 

She though that when his scent was no longer clinging to her person that she may finally get some relief from the near constant arousal, but it only made it worse. Now, the comforting scent of a big, virile alpha wasn’t consuming her, it made her desperate. 

Which is the state Rey was in right now; hand pushing in and out of her, wanting to find a release that is never quite satisfying enough. 

Twenty minutes of trying to get herself off before the evening was proving frustrating instead of relieving, causing Rey to scream into her pillow before removing her hand from her cunt and getting into the shower. She definitely did not sneak a smell at her overalls from the other day, just to see if there was anything left. 

Rose was hurrying around the apartment when Rey walked out of the bathroom, still unsatisfied and a little more than irritable. 

“What the hell, Rose?” Nearly every kitchen cabinet was opened, and a small pile of different kitchen items were being shoved into reusable plastic bags. 

“Finn wants to bake a pie for tonight, but like, has nothing that he needs if he wants to make a pie,” Rose explains, stuffing multiple pans that were decidedly unnecessary to make a pie. 

“Is he making a pie for a small third world county?” Rey huffs. Rose stills, a box of graham crackers falling to the counter below her.

“Are you feeling okay?” Rose asks, giving Rey a once-over.

“Yes… why?”

“You sounded a little upset that we’re making pie. Pie, Rey. You once said you’d give your left tit just to eat pie every day.”

Rey bristles, feeling much more defensive than a statement like this should make her.

“Its just… You’re taking quite a bit of stuff from our kitchen to make this. What if we don’t get it all back?” This only makes Roses’ gaze harden.

“It’s for Finn. We basically share everything with him. And I know for a fact that you two shared a toothbrush for four months in college because neither of you could be bothered to buy a new one. What’s going on?”

Rey is still wrapped up in a towel, dripping onto the linoleum floor. Her fist is clenched, holding her towel so tight to her person that she knows there will be red marks on her skin. She tries to figure out why she’s feeling this way, why she cares at all. Rey doesn’t get territorial like this, ever, especially with Finn. She’s just as curious as Rose is to figure out why she’s acting like this, but is too proud to concede. 

“Nothing is going on. I don’t care if you take that stuff to Finn’s, just… make sure we get it back. That’s the only strainer that I’ve ever liked and I just want to make sure its near if I need it. Rose has her eyes narrowed at Rey, and looks like she wants to prod further, but Rey doesn’t give her the opportunity.

“I’ll see you at Luke’s!” She shouts over her shoulder on her way back to her room.

-

The commute to Luke’s isn’t too bad. Rey has to take two trains and walk four blocks to get there, but his part of town isn’t too bad. Rey’s side is a different story, but that’s a worry for later tonight. Her irritability hasn’t completely worn off when she leaves her apartment, but she figures some fresh air will do her good. 

Or, it would be good if she could actually enjoy it. Problem is, she’s itchy. 

Not in the ‘I’m covered in poison ivy’ or ‘I have a bad case of the chicken pox’ way, but in the ‘my skin feels too tight and I’m ready to peel it off my body’ kind of way. It doesn’t help that her glands are throbbing. Any brush of material over them sends a shiver down her spine, but it’s too cold and impolite to go out in public naked with pulsing, red glands. 

It’s the suppressants working their way out of her system, probably. In her limited research on what to expect when detoxing, Rey discovered gland discomfort was fairly common, but it usually happened within a few days of stopping. It’d been a few weeks for her. But it was probably nothing.

Probably. 

All this discomfort was unpleasant, to say the least, but it was at least distracting Rey from the worrying-session she would be having about seeing Ben tonight. Rey had texted him when she’d gotten home the other night. A quick ‘hi i’m alive. thanks for today. see you around.’ before promptly blocking his number so that she wouldn’t be tempted to call him and ask him to fuck her nine ways to Sunday. 

Maybe it was too far, but Rey was still a little jaded from the experience and didn’t trust herself to fuck it up even further. Best to just forget the whole thing ever happened and move on with their respective lives and try very hard to think of literally anything else but Ben when she masturbates. Totally fine. 

It’s a good plan… well, it’s at least a plan. And one that seems to be totally fine and likely to work, until she opens the door to Luke’s townhouse. 

On their normal trivia night, it’s just her small group of friends playing trivia games being moderated by Luke who seems to know the answer to every question. Theres a few drinks, some snacks, and maybe a joint or two.

There is not the entirety of the Organa-Solo-Skywalker clan and a buffet table that looks like something out of a Thanksgiving issue of Better Homes & Garden. 

This will not be their normal trivia night, Rey realizes with a deep sigh.

“Oh Rey! You came! I’m so happy to see you!” Senator Organa grasps Rey in a bear hug before she can even make it entirely through the threshold. Rey is shocked, but leans into the hug once she realizes what’s happening. 

“Senator, it’s been so long.” The older woman tuts while pulling back, arms still holding onto Rey’s shoulder. 

“Oh please, Rey, what will it take for you to call me Leia instead of stuffy ‘Senator Organa’?” She asks. 

“It’s… what’s proper?” Rey raises her shoulders in a shrug.

“My wife? Proper? Ha!” Han shouts, over-exaggeratedly slapping his knee. “That’s a good one, kid.” Rey smiles sheepishly as the Senator slaps her husband’s chest. From the corner of her eye, she sees a seated figure, with perfect posture and even more perfect clothes.

“Grandma Padmé!” Rey says, before moving between them to hug her. Grandam Padmé opens her arms wide as Rey leans down to hug her. Even in old age, she feels strong beneath Rey’s body. It’s comforting in a way that Rey isn’t used to, but loves all the same. When she pulls back, Padmé cups her cheek with a thin hand. 

“My goodness, Rey, you look lovelier every time I see you,” She says, making Rey grin even harder. 

“Thank you. How is Naboo?” She asks.

“Well, I think it’s beautiful this time of year, but I think it’s beautiful there any time of year, really,” She laughs. “You’ll have to come visit me this winter. Maybe you can drag my wayward grandson along with you.” Padmé gestures her head to the corner, where Ben is standing.

When Rey sees him, leaning on the bookshelf, shoulders hunched like he’s trying to make himself smaller, she has the urge to run to him and shove her face into his broad chest. While Rey could never forget just how big Ben is, it’s still shocking every time she sees him.

“Rey doesn’t like the cold, Grandma.” God. His voice.  

Rey wants to say that she would literally follow Ben to the ends of the galaxy if he asked her to follow, so going to his grandmothers estate wouldn’t be an imposition whatsoever. But that’s not conducive to the situation they’re in, so Rey goes for something a little more vague. 

“I’d love to come and visit you, someday, hopefully,” Rey says, turning back to Padmé.

“Very soon, hopefully,” Rey doesn’t miss the glint in Padmé’s eyes, “Not many years left in these old bones.”

“Geez, Mom,” Luke says, walking to the living room from the kitchen, “Don’t talk like that. Hey, Rey, will you help me with the sink; it’s all leaky again.” Luke was a brilliant man, with many wonderful qualities, but his ability to break a house like it was a china plate was unprecedented. 

“Of course, do you have a wrench-” “She’s a guest here. She shouldn’t be put to work.” Bens’ voice is practically a growl and Rey can feel the displeasure radiating off of him. The rest of his family stays silent, all looking towards a glowering Ben. His glare is firmly set on Luke, and she thinks she might see literal fire coming out of his eyes.

“It’s really no problem, it’s an easy fix. Won’t take very long at all.” Rey tries to cut the tension, but Ben doesn’t seem eased by this. “It’s really no problem, Ben,” She says to him. Only then does he look at her, mouth still pressed in a thin line. 

“Why don’t you go get her the wrench, Ben. I think Luke’s got one in the cellar. We can look together.” Senator Organa is not at all who Rey thinks is going to step up to the plate, but she does it anyways. Ben mumbles a few terse ‘fines’ before following his mother down the hallway. 

Ben looks at Rey the whole way.

-

“How do you know where a wrench is in Luke’s house?” Ben asks his mother as they go down the stairs.

“I don’t,” She calls back. Ben stops at the bottom step, giving his mother a confused look.

“Then why did you-”

“I figured you’d need a minute. I mean, I’m mated and all that but geez, Rey’s scent was strong. I’m honestly surprised you’re even able to stand upright with that walking around. The betas can probably smell her from-“”

“Mom, can we please… not do this right now?” Ben pleads, letting his face drop into his hands. 

“That was a pretty big display of ‘alpha prowess’ you showed back there. I don’t think we can not do this and make it through the rest of the night.”

“You didn’t tell me what you’re doing here tonight. Maybe we should discuss that first.” Leia shrugs.

“Mom wanted to see you, and I know you all have trivia every other Wednesday, so I figured we’d drop by.”

“Uh-huh. And the catered meal that you managed to have delivered two whole hours before anyone showed up; that was easy to get on short notice?” They’re in a glaring match now, both too stubborn to back down.

“I work quickly, Ben. Clearly unlike you, who can’t even tell a girl how he feels after years. Do you honestly think this is healthy? For you? For your friendship? You can’t go all alpha on people every time they suggest your omega goes to a different room.”

“She’s not my omega.” Each word feels like ash coming from his mouth. 

“And who’s fault is that? Luke and his leaky sink?” For such a short woman, Leia is able to show a disturbing amount of confidence and control, something Ben has yet to master. It makes the words even harder to hear sometimes, like right now. Ben winces before running a hand through his already disheveled hair. 

“I’m working on it. It’s just… difficult.”

Leia softens at this, and seems to remember that she’s fighting her son and not another political enemy. She walks towards him, brushing the hair out of his eyes. 

“I know it is, honey. But I promise you, you’ll feel better once you tell her how you feel, no matter the outcome.” Leia’s voice is soft and gentle, and Ben is reminded of being a teenager and his mother comforting him when he was too scared to ask a girl to prom.

“I don’t know that that’s true,” he chuckles humorlessly.

-

By the time Ben and Leia rejoin the group upstairs, Rey has already fixed the sink with her bare hands (because of course she’s stronger than any measly tool) and is currently stuffing her face with pigs in a blanket. Ben wishes that he didn't find the pastry puff crumbs already lining her shirt so stinking cute. 

“I just don’t see how you can go from making a pie to making beanie weenies,” She says, mouth half full. When she realizes that Leia is in the room with her, she snaps her jaw just and brushes off the crumbs. “Do you want some?” Rey extends the plate towards them, even though Ben knows that she will be more than able to eat the whole thing herself.

“No, we’re good,” Ben says before Leia can speak and take one away from Rey. They lock eyes for a moment, and Ben gets caught up in the flecks of gold around her irises. It’s better that they’re around other people right now, because if they were alone Ben wouldn’t trust himself not to cross over to her and hold her face so he can get a better look at them. 

Leia elbows his stomach and mutters ‘get a grip.’

-

“What is Scotts?”

Buzzer.

“Poe.”

“What is Tudor?”

“Yes. Pick a category.”

“Ugh, 1990’s for 600.”

“A 1990-91 war in the Middle East was fought in Iraq and this oil-rich nation.”

“Iran?”

Luke gave a pointed stare at Rose.

“… What is Iran?”

Buzzer.

This had been much the same interaction for the last hour. Everyone participating, even Grandma Padmé. The questions were hard, which wasn’t wholly unusual for Luke, but it made Ben struggle that much more to actually pay attention. Ben easily dominated the board most trivia nights, but his heart wasn’t in it tonight.

No, tonight, Bens’ heart was in an entirely different place all together.

Said place was picking at her fingernails, not even bothering to pick up the handheld device. Rey was just behind him in winnings, but it seemed that even the second champion was struggling to keep up. 

Ben knew that he wasn’t being inconspicuous like this; staring at Rey so hard that he’s surprised his eyes still worked. His whole body was inclined towards her, not the center podium everyone else was facing. Ben could swivel around, actually use he device handed out earlier and answer the damn question everyone seemed to be avoiding, but he just didn’t have it in him. Not when Rey was there, barely six feet away from him, smelling like that. 

Like cinnamon rolls and clean linen and sunshine and sex and daisies and babies and home and-

Oh shit.

Heat. Ben realized. Rey was going into heat and she was sitting six feet away from him. In a house with many other people. People who would not appreciate a Sasquatch jumping across the living room couch to sweep Rey into his arms and take her to the guest room and fuck her very loudly for a whole week. 

This whole charade got that much harder to endure. 

Ben doesn’t realize he’s standing until he feels the gaze of everyone on him, looking confused as to his dramatic rise.

“I’m… going to the bathroom,” Ben announces to the group, before stalking off towards the kitchen. Ben made route to the furthers part of the townhouse, where Luke’s master bedroom was and very spacious master bath. Ben honestly didn’t care if he was waling into a room filled with creepy porcelain dolls, he just needed to get away for a minute and try not to think about Rey.

Rey. 

Who he had scented exactly 76 hours ago. 

Who he had jerked off to probably more times than that in the following days.

Who he was probably in love with.

Who he wanted to marry and mate and fill with his pups and build a house for and live happily ever after with. 

Rey, who was going into heat. 

Ben defiantly didn’t need to be thinking about that. 

He stood at the vanity, knuckles white against the marble countertop as he stared at himself. If it weren’t for his distinguishable ears, that stuck out despite his best attempts at covering them with his hair, Ben wouldn’t have recognized himself. 

His eyes were bloodshot. Skin flushed. Lips bitten so roughly the were swollen. In short, a mess.

A light tap on the door, brought him out of his self-deprecation as he dropped his head and sighed. 

“Ben?” He hears Rey ask. Ben resist the urge to punch the mirror or the countertop, knowing that it could only end with him being more battered. When he didn’t respond, Rey spoke again. “Can I come in.”

No, he should say. No, get as far away from me as humanly possible because there is no way I can control myself around you without restraints of some sort. 

After another minute of silence, Rey opens the door. Ben looks back up into the mirror, seeing Rey over his shoulder.

 “Are you alright?” She asks, voice quiet. It breaks his heart a little to hear her so timid. 

“I’m fine.”

“No, you’re not.” Her voice is a little more sure this time. Ben quickly turns around to face Rey. It is a horrible time for him to be made acutely aware of just how small she is compared to him. But he is aware of it, all the same. 

When Ben opens his mouth to speak, he’s met with a thick cloud of pheromones entering his body. It’s like getting body slammed by a sumo wrestler without knowing what the fuck is going on.

“You’re not fine. Please, tell me what’s going on, Ben.” The whine he emits when she says his name is involuntary and embarrassing, but Ben can’t think about that right now.

“You’re going into heat.” He says it through clenched teeth, eyes clamped shut.

“What?” She asks in disbelief. “I’m not going into heat. I’d know if I was going into heat.”

“Rey,” Her name feels heavy in his mouth, “You are going into heat. You don’t know how you smell.” Ben dares to open his eyes to look at her. Reys’ face goes from confusion to sadness and it makes Ben ache. 

“Oh… I’m sorry. I didn’t realize how bad I smelled.”

Bens’ jaw drops.

“What?” She asks, seeing his expression.

“You think you smell bad?” Ben sees a flash of anger across her features.

“Well, I’m sorry for however awful I smell! I can’t tell, ya know. You could’ve been a little nicer about it, instead of running off because you couldn’t stand the smell of me!”

Ben is frozen in shock for a minute before Rey turns to leave, but snaps out of it when she reaches the door. 

“Rey.” She stills, hand on the doorknob. “You don’t smell bad. You very much do not smell bad. Rey, I’ve never met anyone who smelled as amazing as you. It’s like.. like the most delicious smell I’ve ever encountered. Like warmth and love and babies and home and… I can’t handle it well. You smell so fucking good, Rey. Letting you go that day was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life, and if you asked me to do that again, I honestly think I would loose my mind. If I can smell you and be as close to you as I was then without being able to keep you next to me, I wouldn’t survive. You don’t smell bad, Rey. You smell like everything I’ve ever loved.”

Her back is still turned to Ben, but she’s made no movement. Ben wants to spin her around and force her to say something, just so he can know what she’s thinking, but that turns out to be unnecessary. When she finally does turn around, there are tears just staring to spill over the corners of her eyes and her lips are quivering.

“You think I smell like home?” Her voice is shaky with emotion, and Ben can’t hold back anymore. Not when he sees his omega like this.

Ben closes the distance between them, enveloping Rey with his body. One hand goes to cradle the back of her head while the other snakes its way around her waist. He tucks his head into her neck, making him squat down. He feels Rey’s knees give out, and he guides her down to the floor, gently, resting between his legs. Her hands are tightly wrapped around his torso, holding not him just as he holds onto her.

“Yes, Rey. So good, it hurts,” he whispers into her ear. She holds onto his chest, quietly crying against him. His hindbrain is going awol trying to figure out how best to comfort her while his realistic brain was trying to figure out how far she would be okay with him going. He figures kisses to her hair won’t be a stretch, so he peppers kisses along her hairline, holding her head between his hands.

They stay like that for god knows how long, until his butt aches from he hard tile on the floor. Not that he would dare tell Rey that. He’s sit his bony ass on concrete for days if it meant being next to her. When the sniffling subsides and Rey uses his shirt to dry her eyes, she looks up at him.

Ben wishes he could map the constellation of freckles across her nose with his tongue. He barely refrains from doing so.

“I’m sorry… I don’t know what’s wrong with me. My emotions are all over the place.”

“It’s the heat,” Ben reminds her.

“How do you know, though? I didn’t even know, and normally I’m pretty good about guessing that kind of thing.”

“Have you ever had a heat while not on suppressants?” He asks her. Her silence is all the answer he needs. “That’s probably why.”

Her head drops agains his chest, groaning against the fabric coated in her snot. Ben rubs his hands along her back, trying to soothe her. When his hand gets a little too high and gently brushes against the edge of her gland, a tremor runs through her body. They both still at that.

“Ben,” He feels her say against his chest. When she looks up at him, her eyes are glassy but determined. He wants to tell her he loves her. “Lets get out of here.”

Ben can only manage to nod. 

-

come say hi on twitter!

[stuclyblrs]

hi everyone! i spent this past semester (spring ‘19) studying abroad in china so i wanted to make a post about my experiences! i hope this can help you in deciding if you want to study abroad and help you while you’re abroad! **this post is directed at study abroad programs through a university in the us - i have never done other programs so i cannot speak about them**

choosing to study abroad

i do want to start by saying you dont have to study abroad. this is something that is definitely being pushed lately by colleges (at least in the us) and it can feel like that you must study abroad to get the full college experience. however, its not something that’s necessary or right for everyone and you don’t need to feel pressured to do so. for me personally, i knew i wanted to study abroad in china long before i entered college whereas some of my friends weren’t interested until they started college and learned more about my school’s programs and hearing from upperclassmen who already studied abroad. some questions to ask yourself when deciding if you want to study abroad

will this benefit you as a person, whether its academically and/or for personal growth?

will studying abroad mean you have to take out more student loans that you don’t think you can fully handle (more on this later)?

is your only motivation only to have a more relaxed semester at a country where its legal to drink and/or for resume building? well these aren’t bad things necessarily - live your life the way you want to! - you might not have the amazing time that you’re thinking you will if these are your only motivations

are you (or will you) be able to mentally/emotionally handle the extra challenges that come with living and studying in a foreign country?

this is just a small amount to consider when choosing to study abroad, but another important thing is do what feels right! feel a calling to study in a specific country - then consider it! don’t think traveling is for you despite everyone pushing for it? - then don’t worry about it!

when and where to go 

things to consider when determining when

how long do you personally believe you can handle? will a shorter summer session be better so you’re not away as long or do you want a full year for a more immersive experience?

which semester/summer fits best in your schedule? do the classes offered during this time keep you on track?

things to consider when determining where

what location has classes that fit your major/academic goals? if you’re ideal location doesn’t offer what you need, are you okay with doing a summer session or graduating a semester late?

where are you interested in traveling? have a language or culture you’re really interested in (this is why i chose china for my location!)? is there a place you don’t think you’ll get a chance to visit otherwise?

what are the costs for each possible location like? don’t forget to consider paying for food, transportation, activities, and other travel

if your school doesn’t offer a program in your target location don’t let that deter you from studying abroad. a lot of times universities allow students from other universities to apply to their study abroad programs. start by talking to your schools study abroad office/program to see if there are universities that your school already works with!

money

as i mentioned in determining if you should study abroad, one thing that should be considered is money. if studying abroad means you have to take out extra loans that you’re not sure if you can handle, then it might not be the best choice at the moment - there will be other opportunities in your life to travel and not studying abroad does not mean your college experience is incomplete. do whatever is best for you.

when it comes to determining the cost of a semester abroad, do your research! contradictory to what i just said, in terms of student loans, it was cheaper for me to study abroad due to housing being cheaper. however, i still had to spend extra money on plane tickets, travel, food, and other experiences, so it’s not just the cost of tuition and housing that needs to be considered when budgeting for study abroad. not everything will be budget breaking though, food was incredibly cheap relative to nyc in china, so that was another aspect where my semester abroad was cheaper than normal. additionally, with doing your research on the costs of studying abroad, don’t forget to research scholarships! i received two extra scholarships from my school that were strictly study abroad related and there are plenty of outside scholarships related to general study abroad, different majors, and certain locations.

some tips on saving money for study abroad

once you’ve decided to study abroad work on saving money - set a specific amount of your paycheck dedicated for time abroad, think about maybe skipping getting takeout and cooking at home to put that money towards abroad, possibly get a second job during the summer/other breaks

determine beforehand where you want to travel within the country/neighboring countries beforehand so you can approximately figure out what you’ll need to spend to achieve these travel goals

make a budget for daily expenses (food, transportation to campus if needed) and keep track of your spending

take advantage of programs hosted for study abroad students. about half of my traveling to other cities was done through the study abroad program, which cost a small fraction of what the cost would’ve been if i did it on my own

be flexible! there is a good chance you will go over your intended budget, but it is okay - money can comeback, time will not

with that being said however don’t overdo it, there’s nothing wrong with going a bit over for some extra experiences, but you don’t want to break the bank 

homesickness/loneliness 

in terms of being far away from my family, it wasnt that big of a change compared to a regular semester as i don’t see them during the school year. however, i did miss nyc and my friends very much. it was hard to deal with at certain points, especially when i was having a difficult time with school but here’s somethings i did to help:

set up times to video chat with family and friends - and try to make it a regular thing

send your friends dumb things that you’re doing - dying over homework, eating good food, some animal you saw on the street, a meme that reminded you of them, and so on they’ll be missing you too

make new friends! i know thats easier said than done, but other students in the program are in the same situation as you and will be feeling homesick. set up a semi-regular time to hang out (i made friends with my roommate and another girl and we hung out nearly every saturday to play games on the switch)

some easy ways to get to know people at the beginning are have lunch/dinner together, talk to people in your classes (especially in language classes if you’re in a country that doesn’t speak your native language), hang out with your roommates

participate in any opportunities hosted for study abroad students that you can. it’s a great way to meet other students and get involved in the local culture while spending less money

finally, its important to remind yourself that you have this amazing opportunity to study in a foreign city/country/culture. it is very normal/expected to feel homesick, but reminding yourself of this helps to bring yourself back into focus and enjoy your experience

balance between academics and traveling

this is something i did struggle with and i still do wish i had planned my time better so i could’ve done more, but in general its about finding balance similar to how you would during a regular semester with classes, extracurriculars, friends, jobs. since i wasn’t involved in any extracurriculars or didn’t have a job while abroad that freed up a lotttt of time that i don’t typically have to focus on school work during the week and travel on the weekends. when planning to travel outside of your host city, you’ll want to plan ahead as much as you can as those times are the hardest times to keep up (i had one class that was based on three papers... and two of them were due after weekend trips hosted by the study abroad program not fun man!) here’s some advice that i have for this

save ‘big’ trips for time off - i went to beijing over our spring break, which was the best time to go as i didnt have to worry /as much/ about my work and i could spend more time there compared to my other travels

spend time in the country either before or after. other than beijing, my other ‘big trip’ was to chengdu/xian/zhangjiajie where i visited these cities back to back right after my finals were done

use the time on the plane/train/car/whatever to do some work. i know its easy to just fall asleep or be on your phone, but you’ll be glad that you did some work once the next school day comes

talk with your professors! they will understand that you are a study abroad student and have limited time in the country - one of the weekend trips hosted by my school left before my friday class but we had quizzes every friday in that class so i just let my prof know that i had this opportunity coming up and he let me take the quiz the next monday

try to do your work during the week to leave the weekends free. i would suggest to even save traveling around your host city should be left for the weekends, unless there is some special event going on so that way you can maximize study time during the week and have the weekend free for travel time!

use whatever planning system typically works for you (traditional planners, google calendar etc.) and as soon as you know you have assignments/tests/quizzes, put that in your calendar and start working towards them immediately. also schedule in time to study so you can work towards tests/quizzes everyday so you can travel without worry

i felt i did a good job of balancing travel and academics, however i felt i didnt explore shanghai as much i wanted to. if i had planned out my study time better, i could’ve opened up more free time on the weekends to go out in the city.

other advice

if you’re not in college yet, make sure you’re researching schools that you look at their study abroad programs and that they have the location(s) you’re interested in!

let your advisor know that you’re planning on studying abroad as soon as you can (even if you’re just thinking about it and aren’t sure yet) so they can help you stay on track and plan for it

with that last point being said, don’t solely rely on them - do your own research, check which classes are offered, save any emails confirming that classes abroad will count for your classes, keep track of application requirements and deadlines and so on

i hope this post is helpful in your study abroad journey! if you have any further questions please feel free to message me✨

bonus! check out my day in the life in shanghai video :]

[sevenincubistolemyheart]

Black Ties, White Lies

Au: Mafia

Tag list: @xsunnyhoseokx @wilhelminalucinda

Rating: M overall, T for this chapter

Potential Triggers: Slight violence and brief mentions of torture in this chapter but there will be many more warnings added throughout this series. Check the masterlist as I update for all the triggers in the series up to that point.

Pairing: BTS x Reader/OT7 x reader

Genre: Drama, Crime, Angst, Fluff, Hurt & Comfort

Length: 4k+

Summary: When your mother, a Registered Nurse at the nearby hospital passes suddenly from unexplained circumstances, you're thrown into a life you never expected to have to deal with tending to her 7 long-term patients. Of course, they're also apart of one of the most notorious mafia families in the underground, so there's that. 2 hate you, 3 are kind to you and 2 you can't figure out if your life depended on it. All of these boys change the way you once perceived the world, in one way or another, but can you do the same for them?

“Intimidation hits a lot harder through indifference.”

That was always Yoongi’s personal mantra. As lead interrogator in addition to right-hand man to Namjoon, it was words he lived by. He honestly didn't even use much intense physical torture, unlike Taehyung, who seemed to always find a reason to hurt his clients before bringing them to him. He'd never been a fan of such gory methods. Besides, he'd always found that people's minds were so much easier to break. It was almost laughable to him how easy he could make someone spill their guts with simple mental manipulation.

He specialized in it, and a small, sadistic part of him even relished in it.

For tough targets, he'd occasionally call Jin to help, when he wasn't busy gathering information. He found himself surprised at how ruthless the typically joyful man was. Perhaps what made them pair so well was their opposing personalities in the interrogation room. Yoongi was all cool, cocky indifference, whereas Jin was happy, amicable and deceptively light as he tortured. They'd often ask their interrogee who got to them the most toward the end of the session (for the ones coherent enough to speak anyway) and so far Jin was in the lead by two.

When he walked into the interrogation room, he always liked to go in not knowing too much about his quarry. Taehyung was the same, but their reasons were very different. While Taehyung liked to draw all manner of information from his victim's lips before even bringing them to Yoongi to properly interrogate just to fuck with them, Yoongi liked to keep things professional. Truth be told, he didn't really like his job. He excelled at it, sure, but unless the person he was torturing slighted him personally, he didn't really enjoy it.

He couldn't help the smirk that tugged at his lips at the mental image of the grown man who'd broken Jungkook's nose in his attempted struggle, crying hysterically and begging him for mercy, not 2 hours later.

Ok, so maybe he enjoyed his job a little.

This time, his prey was a girl and was to be a long time interrogee, meaning his personal brand of interrogation would be a lot more gradual and you wouldn't be on his table. Namjoon had said he wanted you completely broken and built back up again. You’d been kidnapped to replace your mother as the medic, as your Mother had been killed during a surprise raid by a rival mafia a week ago, and had reluctantly agreed, though he didn't yet know your reasoning for doing so.

Thankfully, your Mother had the foresight to teach you the basics of what you’d need to know beforehand, and therefore made you useful to the gang should anything happen to her, rather than a simple liability to be killed off. A bitter smirk graced his lips at the realization. Smart woman.

Even after you agreed though, Namjoon wasn't satisfied. You clearly were not meant for the underworld in any capacity. You were weak, with no physical training oncesoever, and your psyche was basically an egg with how easy you could crack, especially with you still grieving the loss of your mother. Upon glancing at you for a moment when you first entered the residence, Yoongi figured Namjoon would come to him, and come he did, not a day after you first joined their ranks. He emphasized that above all else, he wanted you strong and Yoongi couldn’t help but wonder what his reasons for doing so were, but kept his curiosity to himself.

The days passed with nary a sight of you, and he figured Namjoon was letting Hoseok teach you the ropes and getting you acquainted with your new life as the family’s medic, starting with adjusting to the new setting. Hoseok was their drug specialist, so he knew quite a bit about medicine and therefore was deemed the best to help you learn what you needed to. At the week mark, Namjoon told Yoongi you’d be staying with him from now on, and that you’d be formally introduced to him and the others that night.

As nightfall approached, Namjoon called a meeting in the hang out room located in the basement and Yoongi watched casually as the others spread out to their typical places as he himself, lounged on the couch.

Jungkook immediately was at the dartboard to get out some of his pent-up aggression, while Namjoon and Taehyung started up a game of pool. Jin opted to linger by the pool table to observe their game and also keep an eye on Jungkook every now and then in case he hurt himself with a too angry throw. Jimin all but threw himself on the couch and Yoongi had to stifle a chuckle at the irritated glower he sent Namjoon's way. Poor guy looked ready to pass out. “Wake me when she's here hyung.” He muttered and Yoongi’s nod was the last thing the tired man saw before he was out like a light.

All movement stopped as the door opened and Hoseok led you down the stairs. You were clearly quite on edge, even with Hoseok beside you as the boys all eyed you. Namjoon strode forward, ever the confident leader and smiled, though his eyes were cool. “Welcome. It’s good to see you again Y/N, and I’m glad you’re finally able to meet the others. Introduce yourself.” You picked up on the demanding undercurrent within his voice and nodded, noticing Hoseok slipped away to go join Jungkook out of the corner of your eye.

You followed Namjoon’s order like instructed and bowed respectively before returning to standing, smiling shakily. “Hello. I’m Y/N. I’m going to be your new nurse so if you have any injuries that need tending to, please be sure to come to the Infirmary.” You almost flinched at the sudden sarcastic scoff that fell from Jungkook’s lips. “Obviously. Where else would we go?” Yoongi watched as your eyes lowered in shame at your mistake momentarily before you forced a laugh. “Right, of course. Sorry, that was dumb of me…”

To break the tense silence that had fallen, he rose from the couch after giving Jimin a light kick to get him to wake up and walked over to you, typical emotionless expression firmly in place. “Hey, I’m Yoongi.” He introduced simply, nodding at you. “I’m lead interrogator around here. Namjoon said you’d be staying with me from now on.” You seemed a bit wary at the news but smiled and nodded nonetheless. “Ah alright. Sorry if it’s inconvenient for you, I’ll be sure to stay out of your way.” He shook his head, a small smirk twitching at his lips as he leaned forward to whisper to you. “Word of the wise...stop apologizing. We don’t do that here.” You stiffened, but nodded quickly, taking his advice to heart as the next member approached you and Yoongi returned to his position on the couch, simply observing from afar as the other members of their group introduced themselves to you.

The unconventionally attractive male bowed quickly and smiled charmingly at you, making your heart leap despite yourself. “Hey there. The name’s Jin, I hack whoever needs hacking and also work with information. Listen, you shouldn’t worry too much about us harming you. As long as you stay loyal, there won’t be any need for intense violence or intimidation. I wasn’t too surprised to find you really didn’t know anything about us, since I’ve been keeping tabs on you since you were a kid, but just try not to worry too much, alright? None of us are…” He hesitated and finally decided on. “Monsters, like many seem to believe.” He left fairly quickly after that, intent on kicking Namjoon’s ass at pool and you had to admit you felt a bit more at ease after his reassurance.

You looked over in surprise as the guy laid out next to Yoongi on the couch suddenly groaned loudly, and waved you over. “Y/N, right? Be a doll and come over here so I don’t have to get up.” He all but pleaded you and you couldn’t help the small smile that graced your lips at how normal he seemed. Maybe Jin was right after all. “Alright.” You made your way over and he shot a grateful smile your way. “Thanks. Sorry, I’ve been out on a job for a week and just got back, so I’m all kinds of exhausted. Name’s Jimin, I’m the muscle around here along with Jungkook, but I sometimes also get sent out to check on some of our clients.” His casualness instantly made you lose some of your tension, Yoongi noted, filing the information away for later as you made easy conversation with the other.

“Don’t let Jungkook scare you off, Yoongs said he was a dick earlier. He may seem tough, but he’s actually got a soft side.” He confided, before calling the other over. “Kook! Come and meet our newest member!” You looked over and saw him grumbling to Hoseok who simply rolled his eyes and half dragged him over. Jungkook seemed to be avoiding any eye contact at all with you for some reason, and you found yourself a bit worried. Could you have done something to anger him? You hadn’t met him before this, so his coldness was really putting you on edge. “Are you okay?” The innocent question slipped past your lips without so much as a thought and suddenly his fiery gaze met your own and he took several steps forward, getting in your personal space.

You wanted to step back, but Yoongi’s reminder earlier to not apologize filled your ears and you forced yourself to stand your ground. “Oh, I’m just peachy. Why are you asking? It’s not like you actually care, right?” His voice was rising and you felt anxiety twist in your gut as the others by the pool table started to look over and watch the spectacle. “Jungkook, calm down.” Yoongi’s deep rumble to your left reminded you he, Jimin and Hoseok were also present. The latter spoke up also, attempting to soothe the other as he reached out to place a reassuring hand on his shoulder. “Jungkook, where is this-” 

The irritated boy shrugged him off and continued, ruthlessly. “You’re just acting nice because you’re scared of us!” He accused and you swallowed, as, despite your best attempts to hide your fear, he was right to some extent. Who wouldn’t be? “Come on. Prove me wrong!!” He was pretty much screaming in your face now as he harshly grabbed your wrist and held it up. You didn’t see it happen but the others immediately tensed up, getting ready to act if he took it too far. He sneered at you, his soft, boyish features full of nothing but hatred and disgust. “You’re shaking like a leaf. Nothing to say?” You steeled yourself, feeling your own blood starting to boil. You didn’t ask for this to happen, didn’t ask to be thrust into this so-called “family”. “L-Let go of me, now!” Your voice broke but your eyes were alight with your own fury as you forced your voice to rise. He smirked cockily then and leaned even closer to your face. “Make me, little girl.”

You lost it. You’d never been one for shouting, or fighting in general for that matter but you had a feeling you were going to need to change that. You were going to need to change a lot of things. You ignored the pain clutching your heart like a vice and hissed at him. “You think I asked for this, you little brat!? You think I wanted to be brought here, forced into a life I never asked for!?” His loudness exceeded yours with ease, as you weren’t used to shouting like this. “Some of us didn’t get that choice! You should be grateful Namjoon even let you join the family! If it were up to me you’d be dead!”

Tears burned your eyes and fell even as you continued shouting, now the loudest you could manage. “I had a family, and she’s dead because you couldn’t protect her!!! You’re supposed to be a bodyguard, aren’t you? The muscle?” A loud crack filled the room, then and you coughed, dazed from his hard slap. You looked up and the smug smile he sent your way, even as Jimin restrained his free hand gave you the strength you needed as you continued on. You spat the blood that filled your mouth at the harsh hit onto him as you tugged at your captive wrist for further emphasis. “Well, where was this strength when my Mother died, bleeding to death, helpless as she was slaughtered in cold blood!?” You didn’t even realize your other hand had risen until it was caught by another's firm, but not painful grip.

Namjoon spoke up then, not releasing your wrist as he met Jungkook’s gaze. “Jimin, get him out of here, now. We’ll talk about this later. Hoseok.” Your mentor was by your side immediately. “Get her cleaned up and then take her to Yoongi’s room.” You wanted to sleep in Hoseok’s room again tonight but figured it best to keep your mouth shut. You opened your mouth, only to shut it again as you recalled Yoongi’s warning. You still ached with the urge to apologize, but the bitter taste of your own blood on your tongue mingling with the saltiness of your tears reaffirmed your decision to keep quiet.

Was this truly what your life had become?

“I just can’t believe he assaulted you like that! Since Namjoon probably won’t make the little bastard apologize, I certainly will!” Hoseok ranted as he tended to your injured cheek and mouth. The sudden hit had more than enough force behind it to have your cheek swelling, and your lip was still bleeding a bit from your teeth cutting into them so hard at the slap. Hoseok had been ranting to you for a while but he suddenly quieted at the sound of a knock on the door. “Come in!” He called, and you didn’t even bother to look up, scared to see who it was. Your mind was still reeling from how angry you’d been. You’d even shouted! You’d never screamed that loud before in your life. It was...strange, to put it lightly.

“Hey. Glad to see you’re not too banged up. Jungkook hit you pretty damn hard.” You finally raised your head and felt a bit relieved to see it was Yoongi and not Namjoon or Jungkook. You forced yourself to nod, and opened your mouth to speak, only for nothing to come out. You frowned and cleared your throat, finally managing to get your voice to work. “Yeah, I’m fine. What brings you here? Hoseok was about to take me back to your room.” Your voice was noticeably weaker and you felt an urge to hit the smirk that twitched at Yoongi’s lips. “Not really much of a screamer, are you?” You didn’t catch the dark humor under his words and hesitantly shook your head, as Hoseok snorted at the double-edged meaning.

“Well, try not to worry too much. I’ll have Jin whip you up some tea. He’s got a recipe that’ll help with your voice. Just so you know, I won’t be back until late. I’ve got some business to take care of, so make yourself comfortable.” Yoongi muttered, before turning on his heel and making his way back towards the door. Hoseok finally finished up and you jumped at the sudden sound of Yoongi’s voice, surprised he was still there. “Don’t touch any of my belongings or get any stupid ideas. I’ll notice if you do, and I’d hate to have you on my table.” A full body shiver went through you and you whirled to look back at him only to see the door closing shut.

“Heh.” You looked back over at Hoseok who was smiling fondly and shaking his head. “That’s Yoongi for you. Don’t let him get you scared. As long as you listen to what he says you’ll be fine. Okay?” He shot a bright smile your way and you couldn’t help the sigh of relief that escaped you at the familiar sight. Hoseok was the only constant in this godforsaken place.

You’d seen him sometimes as a child when your Mother would get injured and he’d drive her home so your relationship with him already had a strong base. You always based your relationships on your personal experience with the person, rather than what others said, but since he was one of the closest with your Mom out of the boys, it definitely made it easier to warm up to him. Your Mom never told you anything about the mafia of course, but she did regularly tell you stories about her 7 long-term patients. Your heart pulsed with pain at the realization that she was readying you for this situation, even then.

Still, you forced a smile onto your face and nodded at Hoseok. Surely if he trusted him, Yoongi couldn’t be all that bad. “Okay.” Still, you couldn’t help but be a little nervous at the thought of staying with someone you knew next to nothing about. After all, lead interrogator wasn’t very reassuring. Sure they all had jobs in the mafia and did some pretty twisted things, but just thinking of the things he probably did to people on a day to day basis had you cringing. You hadn’t talked to him much, but he seemed so emotionless too. He was so...cold. It would definitely take some getting used to.

“Ready to go honey?” The sweet nickname made you smile as you nodded, hopping off the examination table with the help of Hoseok who led you out and upstairs and to one of the many simple black doors with fancy crystal door knobs. Hoseok turned uncharacteristically serious and you listened attentively. “This is his room. When you go in, it’s imperative that you lock the door immediately after. Jin should be up soon but check through the eye hole there first. Don’t open the door for anyone else under any circumstances unless it’s me, Namjoon or Jimin, alright? Yoongi has a key.” He waved you in with the return of his grin and you locked the door as he had instructed.

Alone with your thoughts, at last, you let yourself finally relax, cracking your neck and back with a relieved sigh. ‘It’s hard to believe this is my life now. I actually almost hit someone…’ You winced at the memory, even as the anger returned. ‘I don’t know what that kid’s problem is. I was just trying to be nice and he was suddenly all up in my space. I’ve never been that close to a guy before, come to think of it.’ You blushed at the sudden memory of his face so close to yours, then cursed yourself for it. You despised how easily you could get flustered sometimes, honestly. ‘That little brat doesn’t deserve to make you embarrassed! Get ahold of yourself Y/N!’ You took a few deep breaths to calm yourself and opened your eyes after a moment when you felt calmer, deciding to look around at the room you’d be staying in.

It was simple, with mainly black, white, brown and red everywhere, no bright colors to be seen in the furniture or objects. There was a keyboard in one corner of the room which made you raise an eyebrow but you decided not to question it and instead grinned at the sight of the nearby bookcase. You wouldn’t call yourself an avid reader by any means, but you’d always admired the power books had to draw you into another world and make you forget all about whatever situation you were currently in. Upon glancing over a few of the titles, however, your grin quickly faded and you instead grew a bit uneasy. It shouldn’t have been too surprising, but Yoongi’s books were mainly centered around psychology, interrogation, and torture. You quickly averted your gaze from the books and instead turned your attention to the closet, opening it to find many expensive looking suits, shirts, and pants. You reached out a hand to feel the material only to hear Yoongi’s voice echo.’

“Don’t touch any of my belongings or get any stupid ideas. I’ll notice if you do, and I’d hate to have you on my table.”

You drew your hand back as if you’d been burned, a shot of icy fear running through you before a sharp knock made you flinch. You held your hand to your heart before taking a deep breath to collect yourself for whoever was at the door. You approached and called on your way. “Coming, one second please!” You looked through the eye hole and smiled in relief when you saw it was only Jin, currently chuckling at something you’d said as he held a  cup and saucer in one hand and a bag in the other. You unlocked the door and waved him inside. “So, you’re actually staying in Yoongi’s room huh? Jeez, I wish you luck. That guy’s pretty much an icicle in human form.” He joked and you found yourself smiling, already liking this side of him better than the one you’d met earlier. He seemed to notice this as well, and his eyes softened a bit as he held out the cup for you to take, placing the saucer down himself on the nearby nightstand. “Yoongi said your voice was nearly gone. Best not let Jungkook see you like that, or he’ll never let you live it down. Here, my own homemade remedy. Honey and ginger work wonders and I added sugar too since you seem the type to like it sweet.”

You nodded eagerly and carefully took the glass from his, tentatively taking a sip and nearly moaning at how good it tasted. You cleared your throat to make your voice work better. “This is wonderful, thank you.” Your voice croaked on the last words and you blushed as he laughed, chuckling quietly yourself as his laugh was quite infectious. “You’ve got a pretty laugh there, giggles, I do hope I'll be hearing it more often.” He teased you lightly, a playful smirk adorning his lips before he continued. “In any case, you’re quite welcome, I hope it’ll help. It sounds like you really need it. I’ll let you get some rest though since it’s quite late. Namjoon gave me these for you.” You put the cup down on the saucer as he handed you the bag. You looked inside only to gasp as you saw the quality, quickly trying to hand it back to him. “I-I can’t wear this!!” You squeaked out, eyes wide.

He smirked and rolled his eyes. “Just take it, will you? If for nothing else, do it for Yoongi.” That made you blink in confusion and he snickered at your reaction, answering your unasked question so you wouldn’t have to use your voice. “You didn’t think he’d sleep on the floor, did you? He’ll kill you if you get in his bed with those clothes.” You whirled to look at the bed and indeed there was only one. A quick scan of the room confirmed your fear that there wasn’t a couch in sight either. “B-But-” You tried to protest, cheeks scarlet from the realization but he was already slipping out of the room. “No buts! Leave your dirty clothes by the door, Yoongi will put them out to be washed when he gets back tonight I’m sure. Sleep well and get plenty of rest!” He was gone before you could try and say anything more, making sure to lock the door before he left.

You looked down at the bag still clutched in your grip and sighed in defeat as you pulled out the pajamas and clothes for the next day. The material was so soft you’d be out cold in seconds. Sneaking a glance at the bed, you had to admit that it too looked really comfortable. But you were admittedly a bit worried about sleeping in the same bed with a guy you literally just met. You headed to the bathroom, admiring how clean everything was, all but shining from how white it was. Unlike the bedroom, here it was entirely monochrome, and you closed the door for extra privacy, quickly stripping down and slipping the pajamas on, sighing at how nice they felt on your skin. You liked the shade of purple they were, and the black lace trim added a risque touch you didn’t pay too much attention to. 

You exited the bathroom and walked over to the black nightstand to finish off your tea, noticing the corner of a piece of paper peeking out from underneath the saucer that Jin must’ve placed. You picked it up and read it over curiously. ‘Hey, this is Jimin! I didn’t want to bother you since I figured you’d probably not want many visitors but I wanted you to know that I hope you feel better! I’m really sorry about Jungkook, I have no idea what caused him to lash out at you, but I promise he’s not typically like that. I’m sure he’ll apologize soon. In the meantime, try not to let it worry you too much. Sweet dreams doll! ;)’

You stifled a small laugh at his little drawn on winky face and smiled fondly as you yawned, turning off the lights before crawling into bed, your prior worries fading away along with all your stress, the feeling of the soft bed and comfy pillows making your mind turn to your other senses. Instead, your thoughts turned to the silken grey sheets underneath the warm burgundy comforter. To the lingering scent of cinnamon, smoke and natural soap that tickled your nose. Maybe life here wouldn’t be quite so unbearable. At least you had some considerate friends in this unpredictable place. Your eyes finally fluttered closed and you fell asleep much quicker than you thought you would, all thanks to Jimin’s considerate reassurance.

[ardenttheories]

Thoughts on JuJus? They seem to be able to make players (oftentimes, players with the related aspect to their effects) embody aspects act as a kick-starter or booster to a player's abilities- (Jane with the trickster-mode JuJu, spreading it by "creating" it, Lil Cal as a JuJu and taking control and angering Gamzee, the Retcon JuJu (as stated by Rose as a JuJu in epilogue) that John touches to gain his retcon powers and would that mean horrorterrors may be JuJus as well? (by grim-darking players)

I just did a little bit of reading on JuJus, and from what I can tell, they’re ultimately just… weird as all fuck. 

Before I get into the meat of it: 

Having not read too far into the comic, I wasn’t aware of the circumstances surrounding the Ultimate Treasure (the white SBURB house JuJu). It can only be used twice; it was used one by Caliborn to trap one version of the Beta Kids inside (who have yet to come back out); Vriska believes the JuJu contains warriors who are capable of destroying Caliborn; because Caliborn used it to aid him, it is now destined to destroy him. 

So, reading the comic to its end, as it turns out, is absolutely vital to understanding the Epilogue - because it looks like this JuJu is the vital plot hole that hasn’t been filled. John’s going to have to go back into canon, get the four trapped Beta Kids out of the JuJu, and take down Caliborn with their help. More on that later, maybe. 

As for my general thoughts on the JuJus themselves…

There’s a lot more items in canon that are considered JuJus than you’ve mentioned here, and that makes trying to figure this out a bit more complicated. Just based on the wikia - which is pretty comprehensive, and always the best place to start when you’re researching Homestuck stuff - the main JuJus are these:

Lil Cal (or potentially just his eyes)

The Suckers (one red, one green, belonging to Caliborn and Calliope respectively)

The Treasure (representative of the story’s narrative)

The Chess Set (belonging to Calliope and Caliborn; theorised by Meenah)

The Felt’s Effigies (back in the Intermission; the white plush things with hats on them)

The Felts’ items (back in the Intermission, incl. Die’s pins and dolls, Eggs’ timer, Biscuits’ oven)

Lil Cal’s a tricky one, because he doesn’t adhere to any set JuJu rules (since he appears in multiple places at once in some scenes, and because he’s often in every universe at once, though in some cases it technically shouldn’t happen) and because he’s a container for several souls (which both change him drastically, and make it hard to figure out how much of him is his actual JuJu powers and how much is the souls). 

I think the importance of Cal in relation to Aspects is to look at who he predominantly preys upon: Heart and Rage players. Specifically destructive Heart and Rage players (as the vessels for his actions). For as much as he fucks around with everyone else, there’s still that ongoing theory that Cal controls both Bro and Gamzee by kickstarting their abilities by twisting them into something rancid (turning Dirk’s desire to make his friends stronger into Bro’s outright abuse, and being one of the main reasons for Gamzee’s Bardic Splits across most universes; it almost always begins in the presence of Lil Cal, or once Gamzee has looked into his eyes). There’s a definite connection to Heart (in the fact that his eyes are almost always referenced; the gateway to the Soul, which Heart embodies) and Rage (which seems to be what he causes in other people), perhaps related to his mixup of souls, or entirely due to himself. It might just be that it’s easier to prey upon destructive Heart and Rage players. 

The only thing that trips that up, however, is his clear connection to Time. Cal hates Dave - it’s one of the more on-the-nose things in Homestuck - likely because he’s a Time player, and one that uses Exploits to Protect his session. Dave’s one of the main reasons the Beta session doesn’t end in immediate failure, after all - and although that benefits Lord English for his creation, I would harry a guess to say that he’s probably not very happy that someone could beat him at his own game. Cal is clearly intrinsically connected to LE (in part due to his connection to Doc Scratch), and I think that might be why he’s so important to Caliborn. All requirements to make LE aside, Cal is as much a harbinger of LE’s will as anything else (and often Ends doomed timelines through the use of Gamzee). It would be suffice to say that his temporal fuckery is what gives him such a destructive connection to our redblooded cherub, and why he’s so vital to make LE in the first place.

So, in the case of Cal, I’d think probably! The connection to Cal as a Heart/Rage/Time-based JuJu seems to have an ongoing effect on the players he preys upon or ends up most empowered over, as well as over his general abilities and how being in his control effects them. 

The Sucker JuJus are still something I don’t fully understand. They’re seemingly harmless when divided, but united provide the irresistible urge to go buckwild and tip anyone who licks them firmly into the Sweets theory of creative writing - all the fun fluff that has no meaning on the plot, but is still enjoyable to read. I’d question why this is the effect of two JuJus representative of Time and Space, unless the implication is that Time and Space together allow for metaverse effects, but I somewhat doubt that. 

Regardless, Jane definitely creates it, but I’d almost say it’s to the detriment of her and her friends. Life is about Growth, too - and Trickstermode actively stalls their character Growth while they’re stuck in it. They’re too hyped out of their minds to go under any meaningful developments until they’re out of it. Which could perhaps be seen as a Maid defining what Growth is? It’s because of Trickstermode that Dirk breaks up with Jake, and a lot of his development and mellowing out follows after this moment of being confronted with his Emotions (actively standing up for them, being Emotional, rather than trying to be Rational and Logical; it’s what stops him from so fervently Ghosting Mind).

So… depending on how you read Classpects, I think there is an argument here for the combined Sucker JuJu to have an effect on Jane’s Life powers - something that kickstarts her, although to an initially negative effect. It’d be interesting to see what would’ve happened if Jake had figured out the code first - they only had one half of the code each, after all - and whether or not it had to be Jane to make the JuJu work to begin with. Or, even, if it would’ve worked with anyone, but had different effects. 

The Chess Set we just don’t know enough on. I admittedly don’t feel entirely confident commenting on it. 

The Felts’ items, though, are easy enough to figure out. The Leprechauns are Lord English’s minions, and therefore associated with Time. Deeply imbued with time, even. The fact that their JuJus are always Time related is just entirely logical here; even if they’re not explicitly Time players, they’re the handymen of the literal Lord of Time. It wouldn’t make sense for them to be unable to use something to do with Time considering their entire existence revolves around Caliborn, his session, and his eventual rise to power as Lord English. So, the Felt having JuJus intrinsically related to Time that then amplifies what seems like their already Time-related abilities (if we take someone like Trace as an example)? Perfectly suits this theory. 

I already spoke a bit about the Treasure, so I won’t go too into detail about it here, but I think it’s interesting that Vriska, the Thief of Light, is the only one capable of finding it. The literal canon-changing JuJu is found by the one character whose purpose is to Steal Canonicity and Importance? Iconic. 

It thus makes sense as to why John can use it, and why his abilities so thoroughly fuck up the timelines. The JuJu is entirely Light-based - it’s a literal plot hole, a portal into Canon that completely ignores all laws of Time and Space and Paradoxes - and provides whoever uses it with a boost to their Aspect in a Light-based fashion. It’s like a more even influencer. John’s Aspect allows him to be Free; therefore, the Treasure gives him the ability to be Free from Canon. It amps up his powers to completely meta levels, though thankfully keeps him within the general influence of the story. This, when I think about it, is why John has to be the one to use the Treasure, and why he’s the one who has to take the burden of all the Retcon abilities. Since, as you say, JuJus tend to influence the Aspect of the person using it by amping up their powers (although, as we’ve already seen, other JuJus tend to naturally end up in the hands of players who have Aspects that already align with what they’re meant to do), for the purpose of changing the Timeline without the restrictions of Time and Space, it had to be a Breath player. Someone who perfectly embodies Breath - perfectly embodies Freedom and Disconnect - could be the only person capable of using the JuJu to its best ability. 

This probably means that, had someone else used it, they would’ve done so to drastically different effects. Still usable, but definitely not beneficial to the situation they were in. 

So, to bring a very long story short:

Lil Cal, a JuJu that tends to most predominantly exude Time, Rage, and Heart, often ends up in the hands of Time, Rage, and Heart players, and amps up their respective abilities (though to drastically negative consequences).

The Sucker JuJus are a bit weirder, being both Time and Space together, and representative of Light - but combine all that into one moment that allows for Life to continue the Growth of the character. Would it have worked for anyone else? Maybe. But it’s interesting that it’s our Life player who ends up creating it, considering our Hope player was just as likely to make it as her. 

The Felt’s JuJus are just obvious in and of themselves; Time JuJus that amplify the powers of Time-related minions, and provide Time-related powers to characters that aren’t Time-based (though to their detriment; looking at The Midnight Crew here).

The Treasure is entirely Light-based, and gives whoever uses it an incredible Light-based boost to their pre-existing Aspect and power set. In our instance, that means John, as the Heir of Breath, is capable of being Free from Canon and the restraints of Canonical Lore regarding Time and Space when creating the new Timeline. 

To wrap it all up, then - no, I don’t think the Horror Terrors are JuJus. Though they’re perfectly imbued with Void, I think they fail to meet a lot of the requirements that make JuJus what they are. The Horror Terrors are something similar, but completely separate; incredibly powerful and definitely only attuned to Void-based powers (of which grimdark is only one), but more living and real than JuJus. Feferi’s able to talk to them, after all, and reasons with them to make the Dream Bubbles - and her Lusus is definitely a Herror Terror, which proves for a fact that they’re creatures rather than things. 

[yourdreamscenarios]

In A Heartbeat I Part 1

Characters: Jungkook / OC Genre: High school AU Word count: 2,951

“It was good, but if you want to break your own record we’ll have to spice up your trainings.Three times a week instead of twice, more intense, more cardio. The competition is nearing fast, we don’t have time to wait and see.” Your coach said, causing you to pull a face at her.  Winter time was coming, if there was one thing you weren’t up for it was freezing outside for so many times a week. There was of course truth in her words, but at this moment, and most moments, you were unable to hear it or unwilling to listen to it. You weren’t an easy one to deal with. “So, I’ll see you back on Wednesday, now get to class before you’re late.” She said, as she had moved past the point of trying to be friendly with you for today. 

She stove off, leaving you by yourself in the dressing room. You didn’t understand why you had to train three times a week, while you knew your team mates only had two training sessions. Each week you had one individual training, where your coach could focus on every single one of you personally and give you the right advice. You usually hated them, because then she always found the chance to go down on you and tell you about all your flaws. When the other were around she had many things going on in her mind and she usually left you alone. Heaving a deep sigh you hoisted your bag on your shoulder, feeling the strap cut into your skin. It had been a long day, and it still had to start. Your muscles were burning, lactic acid building up inside of them after your intense work out. 

Since you had been a child your parents had decided that you should be an active part of the community. They would motivate you to join as many groups as you could and you had had many different hobbies over the years. Until the time had come that you’d started to develop yourself and you had stuck to one thing, running. You’d never thought of yourself as an athlete and you didn’t have any goals to become a big person in the industry. Honestly, there was a big chance you would stop sporting next year, as you went off to college. It seemed impossible to combine all of that stuff together. But so far you’d found yourself a passion in it, placing one foot in front of the other, the route mapped out, making as much speed as you could. You enjoyed the feeling of pure exhaustion after you’d run five miles without stopping a single time, the way the air would burn your lungs. 

Except for that you had also made a few great friends, who were with you every step of the way. Your parents were your biggest fans, cheering for you each time you had a game going on, or within a few weeks, when the competition would start. Sport teams from different school would face each other, trying to give their best, trying to beat each other. It was like playing football, but to you, it was much more interesting. Your school was very active in the sport world, you had a soccer team, a football team, basketball team, swimming team, volleyball team, and then there was you. It wasn’t like that was the reason you had picked out this high school, but it did play a very big part in it. This way you didn’t have to join different sport clubs to do what you loved doing most. You barely had time left to do your homework, leave alone do other stuff. 

As soon as you got outside you hugged your jacket a little closer around you, trying to shield yourself from the icy wind. The summer had been great, days had been smoking hot, nights had been pleasantly cool and it had lasted for so long. Now, autumn was closing in on you and soon enough winter would be there, so slowly the days were turning colder, daylight was getting pourer and the nights were lasting longer. You hated winter the most out of all seasons, you hated the cold. Walking across the sport field you watched as students ran into the main building, all trying to prevent they would be late in class. You knew you didn’t have to hurry, since your teacher would mostly tolerate it if you’d be late by a few minutes. They knew you had trainings in the morning and that sometimes they would run late, they usually let you in without mocking you, knowing you had a proper excuse. 

Yet, you still managed to get your speed up as you sprinted up the stairs, walking into the hallway. The amount of students was already lacking as you raced over towards your locker and gave in your code. “Personal training?” Elena asked, her voice coming from behind you. You turned your head to see her fiddling with her own locker, clearly stressed out because she was late. Your teachers did tolerate you, on days they knew you had a reason to be late, on the days you didn’t, they would scold you never the less. “Yeah, don’t laugh to hard. You’ll have your own fair share tomorrow.” You reminded her, and you heard her chuckle behind you. Saying goodbye you ran through the hall, stopping in front of the door of your class room for this period and gave it a soft knock. 

“Come in.” The teacher’s voice resounded through the wood of the door and as soon as you opened the door and pushed your head around the corner, his stern expression softened slightly. “Miss _____________, please join us and take your seat.” Mister Kim muttered softly and you slipped inside quietly while your eyes rested on the unfamiliar boy who was standing beside him. His gaze drilled into yours, even though the unreadable expression on his face didn’t change. Though, there was something about his eyes that made it almost unable for you to look away. Quickly you walked towards your table, almost knocking over someone’s bag pack, causing you to mutter a soft apology before you finally slipped into your seat. You were quick to notice that today the only empty chair seemed to be the one next to yours. 

“So, I was introducing our newest student. Jeon Jungkook will be joining you for chemistry classes from now on and I’m sure some of you will have different classes with him as well. I expect you to treat him well, show him around and make sure that if he has any questions to answer them. You’re very welcome here Jungkook, I hope you’ll feel at home soon.” Mister Kim said, shooting him a friendly smile. You tugged up your eyebrows, remarking that the man was barely as nice to the most of you. He sent the new boy in your direction and he skillfully avoided your stare and he slipped behind the desk beside you. Most of the girls stared at him, their gazes locked on him because no one could deny, he was handsome. Most of them were already claiming him as their next boyfriend. 

Mostly, you weren’t someone who let yourself get fooled by good looks and a bad boy charisma. You’d had your own experience with that after dating your ex boyfriend for a few months. He’d seemed all great and amazing, swooping you off of your feet and as soon as he’d had the chance he’d gone around your back and he had found himself someone else. Yet, you noticed the way he easily grabbed his note book, ignoring all of them as he looked down on the paper as if no one else was present inside of the room. The aura around him told you that he definitely didn’t want you to talk to him. So you didn’t and you simply focussed yourself back on the teacher in the front of the room, because it seemed as if he wasn’t done yet. Still, the strange cologne made its way into your nose, making you feel uncomfortable. 

“Okay, it’s time for group projects. I want you all to pair up with the person who’s sitting next to you for the next few weeks and you’re going to work out a formula and you’re going to write a paper about it. This will be your final work for this year, so there’s a lot depending on it. In other words, don’t screw this up.” Mister Kim continued and you quickly turned your head to the left, praying to god that the person on your left side was still available. But Taehyung had already turned himself towards Amanda, who was sitting beside him. Your heart dropped into your stomach at the sight and you tried not to look hurt. Your teammate shrugged your shoulders at you before starting a conversation with her new partner. Your shoulders tensed as soon as the thought hit you, the new student was sitting next to you. Inwardly you groaned. It wasn’t like you didn’t want to work with him, it was just obvious that he didn’t want to work with anyone. Also, it was easier for you to work with someone who was aware of your busy schedule. 

Taking a deep breath you turned towards Jungkook, who was already looking at you. His glare was dark enough to make all of the hairs on your arms stand on edge. “Alright, since you all found yourself a companion you can sit together and then I’ll give all of you an assignment. You can read through it together, in SILENCE.” Mister Kim raised his voice as two guys in the front already started to make a fuss. Though, you were too busy debating if you should ask your teacher for a new partner or man up and give Jungkook a chance, to notice. He didn’t want to work with you, that much was for sure. In the end you sniffed, no one had the chance to decide who they were working with, so he didn’t have the right to stare you down like this. He didn’t know you, and in case he was interested, you were actually quite good at these kinds of things. 

When all of this was over he’d be grateful that he was partnered with you and not someone who sucked at this course. Telling yourself that this wouldn’t work if you wouldn’t try you tried not to let him see how intimidated you felt by him and you let a smile appear on your face. “Hi, I’m ______________.” You mumbled, keeping your voice down as you waited for a response. A deep frown appeared in between his eyebrows and for a second you weren’t afraid he didn’t speak your language, he looked as if he had no idea what you were saying. “How’s your first day going so far?” You asked, trying again. He was probably just nervous, after all a first day could be stressful. This time he sniffed and rolled his eyes at you, and you were taken aback by his hostile reaction. “Like you care.” He grumbled before crossing his arms over his chest and leaning back against his chair, not even looking at you. 

What the hell was wrong with this guy? You were trying to be friendly, and what was he doing? He was being rude as fuck. You really tried to fight it, but in the end your head turned red out of embarrassment and anger. Not knowing what else to say you waited for the teacher to near your table with the assignment. You couldn’t get to know him better if he wouldn’t let you talk to him. Was he always like this? How were you every supposed to finish this project if you had to work with such an ass? Was it because you had interrupted him when he’d been introducing himself this morning? You hadn’t wanted to be rude. Your thoughts were running in circles as you pulled your hoodie straight, feeling the need to tug the cap over your head and hide. There weren’t many people who were able to make you feel that way. And you knew that it was wrong for you to let him, because he had no idea who you were and he didn’t have the right to treat you like this. 

This was nothing you could blame yourself for, and he was the one who had to apologize for being so mean to you. Still, you couldn’t help but try to find another reason behind it. It was his first day, everything was new for him, maybe he was just overwhelmed? Mister Kim walked up to your desks, standing in front of it quietly, letting his gaze linger between the two of you, as if he knew something was happening but he wasn’t sure what it was. “This is your assignment.” He said, putting a paper down on each of your tables, and you looked down on the paper reading it before waiting for him to continue. “Jungkook, I’ve checked your grades, and I’m sure the two of you won’t have a problem putting this together. As long as you can work your way past the busy training schedules, I’m sure you’ll be fine.” He said, sending you a stern look before disappearing towards the next couple. 

A deep sigh left your lips as you got reminded of that. It wasn’t easy to combine all of this together, especially since these kinds of things usually had to happen after class. You’d have to hope that your coach would try to understand that maybe you should stick with two trainings a week until this was over. Noticing Jungkook’s eyes pointing on you, you turned your head towards him and demanded yourself to smile. You weren’t going to let him force you into being cruel as well, he might be, but you weren’t lowering yourself to his level. You weren’t going to give him an actual reason to hate you. “I’m in the sport team.” You explained to him, in case he didn’t know what the teacher had meant with all of that. You swore you could feel your blood boiling inside of your veins because of his mocking tone when he spoke up. “Sure you are.” He muttered, grabbing the paper and looking down on it. 

Staring at the side of his face while he ignored you, you felt like screaming at him. No one was aware of the distressed state you were in as they were all busy trying to figure out how to handle this assignment. The two of you should be doing the same thing, instead, you were ready to pull your hair from your skull. Making sure no one could hear you above the whispers you made sure to speak softly to him. If he thought you would let him get away with this he was wrong, you weren’t going to let him walk over you like this. “Listen, mister grumpy face. I don’t care if you want to be a brad, you go on if you wish. But I’m not planning on failing this course because of you. I don’t want you to treat me like we’re best friends, I don’t have to know your deepest thoughts and feelings. But I’m not taking this kind of bullshit.” You whispered rigorously, and even though his expression didn’t change, you could see the surprise written inside of his eyes as he stared back at you. 

If he hadn’t acted the way he had, you were sure you could have gotten lost inside of those dark brown oceans. Out of all the things he had expected he clearly hadn’t thought that you would speak up against him. Unlike everyone you weren’t planning on flattering him and if he wanted to hate you than that was fine, but you could hate him just as much. It was clear he was thinking about your words as his eyes turned into slits. He was so antagonistic, it didn’t fit with his looks at all. “Fine….” He eventually muttered, the tension slowly slipped out of his shoulders and for the first time since you had entered the classroom he didn’t look as if he would run out of it any second. You didn’t know anything about this guy and his past, you didn’t know why he had changed schools in the middle of the year and you weren’t planning on asking him. 

But you tried to keep in mind that whatever had happened, it might be the cause of his behavior and maybe you’d be able to understand if you would know about his situation. But you weren’t going to let him take it out on you. “Let’s meet up in the library, or at one of our places after school. If we work on this thing for a few days a week then I’m sure we’ll get it finished long before the deadline.” You suggested, realizing that there wasn’t coming much leadership or action from him. This partnership was already tiring you and it had barely started. He was not going to be an easy person to work with, seeing how he seemed to hate everyone around him. He shrugged his shoulders, rolling his pen in between his fingers. 

His mind seemed to be elsewhere as you brushed your hands down your face and tried not to scold him again. “You can meet me at the sport field at five tonight, we’ll get going from there.” When the bell rang it felt like a gift and you didn’t take the effort to bid him goodbye as you got up from your seat and grabbed your bag, trying to get a break from Jeon Jungkook for as long as you could before you had to see him again. 

Part 2

BTS Masterlist

[lostsolsdestinyblog]

What is Destiny and Who is it For?

What is Destiny and who is it for?

Such a weird question for people to be asking 4 years and 4 months into the life of this franchise, and yet that’s what is happening after another complete meltdown day yesterday. I’ve written tens, maybe hundreds of thousands of words on the game on the forums over the last 4 years. I spent 2 ½ years discussing it on a podcast. This game, this franchise, have been an integral part of my life and I’ve made (and lost) friendships over it as well as experienced things I never would have dreamed possible when I first logged in back in September 2014.

It’s been a journey filled with ups and downs, not only for myself, but for the game, the company, and the community as a whole. Anyone who’s spent a modicum of time on these forums know the trials and tribulations and how the game has constantly been in a state of flux, reinventing itself as the decision makers at Bungie (and Activision) try to figure out what it is they want this game to be and what they think we want it to be.

I’m not going to recount the story for the hundredth time of how they came to make decisions they did throughout D1 and into D2 or the part the community itself played in sabotaging ourselves with the way we’ve handled giving feedback and communication on our end, but I want to look at yesterday and the meltdown that began 24 hours ago with a single tweet that ignited all the anger and resentment that has been building up within the everyday player population since Forsaken released.

I don’t know what anyone else was expecting Niobe Labs to be. Bungie had stated that it wasn’t going to be a Dungeon, but that was all the information that we had gotten ahead of time. From the way the quest chains to unlock the first 3 Forges worked and then into the 3 week break between Izanami and Niobe Labs, I was expecting another quest chain, but deeper and on a more epic scale. Where the first 3 forges had ended up being more leveling content rather than endgame, I expected Niobe and the next Forge to get into the real meat of this content release.

My friends and I were genuinely excited to log on yesterday morning and speculated how difficult whatever tasks we had to run would be in a fireteam with a random or run solo or in twos. So we log on and I fly to the tower just as soon as reset happens and before I even landed Bungie’s tweet goes out.

“Niobe Labs is waiting to be discovered with a puzzle that needs solving.

Once completed by a fireteam, Bergusia, the final forge, will be unlocked for all.

Watch the best and brightest attempt the puzzle”

And just like that I knew it was a failure and what the day would become, but what I can’t figure out is how this keeps happening and where the disconnect is between the studio and the silent majority of their player base.

I was fortunate enough to have been at the Summit. I listened to the backlash about who was invited and the speculation of what the purpose of it was. I had my own thoughts on why it was happening and from what I experienced over 3 days in Bellevue, I was really happy with the experience and thought it was exactly what I’d hoped it would be, which was step to healing the giant rift that had developed between the developers and the community over the previous year. I understood the community concerns over the presence of mostly streamers and high profile content creators, but I also knew they were integral to repairing that relationship as they have so much influence and their negative takes had been so amplified and damaging to the game on a PR level year one.

I didn’t expect a complete 180 from all the progress D2 had made in creating a game that was so accessible to everyone. A game that I had spent 850 hours playing year one and still enjoyed the hell out of. Destiny 2 year 1 was not a dead game and it didn’t suck, but that was the mantra we heard repeatedly throughout the year from players that streamed the game or were heavy content creators, including leading up to and going into the Summit.

Destiny 2 was not perfect and had a laundry list of areas it needed to improve and had been improving since launch. It needed

·         a better story and a return to lore

·         more extended endgame content with rewards to chase after the initial content was finished and just more things to do with the gear and weapons we had

·         most players felt a return to rng weapon rolls, I still contend that just more unique weapons would have been a better option as seeing our 10th Better Devils is still our 10th Better Devils regardless of the random roll

·         a return to 6v6 in Crucible and a new sandbox

·         more new cool content and less bringing back things taken away when D2 reset the franchise

·         a better mod/perk system for weapons and armor

·         better realized content like Iron Banner and Faction Rallies

·         better raid development for hard/prestige mode. These excelled in D1, but got progressively worse throughout D2

·         more accessibility and thought to solo players

And here’s the thing. Forsaken delivered on most of that in spades.

·         It has a much better story and incredibly deep lore.

·         It not only had the more expanded endgame with content like the Shattered Throne and constantly evolving Dreaming City, but a 2-3 month climb just to level to endgame to begin with. Then add in all the exotic quests and pinnacle weapons, titles, etc and there is a ton more to do.

·         Random rolls are back and they do make us look at drops again, I’m not sure how much more exciting they are, but it didn’t take anything away from the game really and has been a plus.

·         6v6 returned to QP and the new sandbox might be the best ever in my opinion.

·         There are tons of new cool things in the game from the Shattered Throne, to the Dreaming City itself, bows, new supers, and even the forges can be cool

·         The mod system is light-years better than year one and weapon perks much better. Armor still needs work and desperately needs the ability to re-roll perks, especially on exotics

·         Faction Rallies hasn’t returned, but Iron Banner has been so much better than year one and even events like Festival of the Lost and The Dawning have been incredible steps forward from what we saw in previous iterations

The only areas on the list we didn’t see things get better was with the raids and solo experience, but they tie directly into my next point. We had all that positive change and all those things to make what was already a very good base with D2 (despite the over-the-top hate), and yet Bungie also decided to add a bunch of changes that seem geared completely to the streamer crowd that significantly in some cases and completely in others, undermined all the positive changes that had been made.

·         “Meaningful infusion” requiring Masterhancement Cores was the biggest mistake. For all we needed more to do with the cool weapons and armor we had year one, once we got those cool new things to do, we couldn’t play any of it with the weapons and armor we love. So honestly what was the point and why are we playing and grinding for “sweet loot” if we can’t even freaking use it? And all the comments of “just wear lower gear and don’t infuse everything” are bullshit. I’m sorry, but constantly getting and holding onto weapons and armor in my inventory to maybe eventually be able to use or infuse is goddamn ridiculous. I don’t play this game to carry crap around in my inventory; I play to use the things I find fun.

Add in the fact that apparently it was Gothalion who championed meaningful infusion while at the Summit (must have been in his groups sessions) as well as he and Broman’s responses to infusion compliants that “we need to wear trash to appreciate good drops” and “it’s good that players get bottlenecked by infusion” and yeah, you can start to see where yesterdays tweet wouldn’t sit well with the community.

·         The leveling system and 2-3 month grind were different and not necessarily a bad thing, but combined with the constant battle to be able to infuse and use anything, along with the decisions to make regular legendaries drop way too low and to not allow us the choice to just play the content we love, be it Crucible, Strikes, Gambit, patrols, adventures, whatever, and still make progress leveling, ultimately made leveling more of a chore and less fluid than it could have been. Add in the decision to then immediately make us start leveling again as soon as we finally got to 600 and it was too much. For myself the fallout from that is I don’t play my Titan or Warlock anymore and doubt I will for a long time, if ever again. It’s too much. I hate playing when I don’t like how my character looks or feels and I have a fully leveled Hunter with weapons and armor I like and I’m done with the BS that is infusion.

·         RNG. RNG. RNG. On top of RNG. Titles were an awesome addition and something that had been suggested going back to D1. The RNG nature of the requirements really soured the experience. Getting exotics to drop is ridiculous. Some got them all in weeks and others went over a month between drops. It’s awesome we have all these cool perks on armor, but it’s almost impossible to put together sets of gear we actually want to wear with perks that work for how we want to play (Auto Rifle perks on arms that let you hold a bow drawn indefinitely isn’t ideal)

·         Freaking power-gating and the raids. D1 raids were awesome. They were challenging, but the normal modes were still incredibly accessible and seasoned raiders could take new players into any of them and teach them the mechanics and allow them to experience that content too. Then there were the hard modes with the challenges for the hardcore raiders and they were all on point and true endgame for the most hardcore. Leviathan still hit that combination pretty well although the tuning made it where the Prestige mode never got any easier even when we got full sets of drops from the raid. The Lairs then turned gimmicky to handle Prestige modes, but even that was better than what Forsaken brought. One difficulty that isn’t even really that difficult at level, but the fights are ridiculously mechanic heavy to where they take 5 time longer to explain than to actually do the encounters and the only real difficulty is in the power-gating. Power-gating which kept 99.99% of the community from being able to even beat boss #1 on release day whilst setting up the Chase for the World’s First for the big name streamers. It’s a decision that not only made raid release day, which was basically Destiny Christmas for tens of thousands of players, into a massive letdown, but it ultimately transformed Destiny raids from the true endgame they were with VoG, Crota, King’s Fall and Wrath, to mid-tier leveling content that was pointless after hitting 600 outside players grinding 1KV. We all took off work only to not be able to do shit in the raid and those complaints were met with disregard and/or disdain, but then what happened? Black Armory release day did the exact same thing. Here’s the release day for the first DLC of the year 2 season pass and “Oh sorry, you can’t play it for a couple weeks, but hey let’s go watch the streamers who can insti-level and have limitless time and resources go run it while we go back to leveling the same content we just got done leveling. Players were pissed and it was yet another embarrassing black eye for the studio that they had to address and walk back. I have tons of respect for the people who work at Bungie. I have been given tremendous opportunities by them and have friends within the studio. I feel guilty and bad in my critiques at times because I know they genuinely care about Destiny and the community, but I also hate seeing the game and the studio constantly trip over their own feet like they did yesterday and I hate that this game is being so dictated by trying to appeal to and appease such a small segment of the population. After the Last Wish and Black Armory release day failures and disappointments, how did yesterday happen? Like I said, the instant I read that tweet, I knew exactly what damage had been done and where this was going to go, so how did it get sent? How did this “event” get put into a timeline as upcoming content to play, rather than left unannounced for player to discover and dig into? Or if Bungie wanted to still announce it, why not give details stating it would be a massive (and massively difficult) community ARG to figure out how to unlock the final forge? No one went into yesterday expecting what we got, not even the streamers; and I know they’re getting a lot of heat, but honestly after all the shit-takes from them year one and the cesspool they turned the community into, I don’t feel much sympathy for the negative reactions they’re getting to this game they have apparently pressured Bungie into making Destiny now.

·         PvP. I have no qualms saying pressured because we’re living with a Crucible that is the product of a massive high profile player campaign to keep sbmm out of QuickPlay so the top players could have a farming ground to stream 7th Columns and 50 kill games. I’ve put up the statistics of how only 7.8% of the players I face or top 10%, but in 195 games 7.8% is still 193 top 10% players and they’re in over half our games running full pinnacle meta in most cases. It makes me not want to play and none of my friends want to play it, but the streamers are happy.

So yeah, that’s why people are pissed and that’s why yesterday’s tweet went over like a lead zeppelin. Yesterday never should have played out like that and by simply communicating what the event would be or leaving it a secret to be randomly discovered would have avoided all the drama, anger and resentment. Hyping it up and then posting a link to go watch it streamed made it appear to be a set-up to boost the streamers and not actually an event for actual players.

Destiny 2 is still a great game and it would not take much to make it a great game for everyone and not just the top 10%. I really hope that Bungie is listening; paying attention and learning, and I hope that someone with decision making abilities starts advocating for the silent majority again. 

Thank you.

[lunacanis99]

Mantle Storm Sage

The Storm Sage! He was one of the two big bads from the first part of the game and my first experience with playing an incredibly charismatic character. He was actually the first named NPC the group ever met (aka the first one they didn't instantly kill). And though he was a constant presence they only fought him 3 times. And they were all very interesting fights. Which is what I'm going to talk about today!

But first, a little about the Storm Sage: His actual name is Faeram and he was the general/second in command of the cult the party faced off against in the first arc. The only one above him was the drider Queen Haldriia, who the party would later go on to cure and befriend. Faeram... didn't get so lucky. But in truth he was trying to do the same thing the whole time, heal his queen of her drider curse. (It takes a very complicated ritual) In fact the whole reason he captured the group in the first place was to use them as sacrifices to hopefully appease Lolth to make the ritual easier. (Fun fact: during the ritual I did roll to see if Lolth would step in to stop them, and she did. But another roll saw Bane stepping against her on our paladin's (the one casting it) behalf, and Bane outrolled Lolth.) He was also raised as a kinda son of Haeldriia and Bao so... that's sad considering.

Anyways onto their battles!

1: The first one was a bit rocky. It was in our very first session so we were all kinda still fining our feet and figuring out how to play and how to play the characters. But they worked their way through this dungeon all the way to the ritual room where the Storm Sage was waiting with his guard and pet giant spiders (I hadn't learned how to balance fights yet. Sorry mantle crew) But he was never supposed to kill him and they were never supposed to kill him. I wanted him to be a reoccurring villain from the start so had him stand back the whole fight taunting them. The only player to actually damage the Storm Sage was Althaea, who did maybe like 5 damage with a produce flame. After all his guard was dead bough the Storm Sage saw them as more trouble than they were worth and left them to it, teleporting away.

2: Fight 2 was much later and much more fun. See the party had split after investigating a town and Canary had arrived alone back in Alamoa to find it under attack from the Storm Sage and their young green dragon. Alistair was able to instantly teleport to her and the two made their way through to the center of the city where they found Kyofushin in a 1v1 fight with the Storm Sage, which they decided to step in on. They went a few rounds alone with him as Kyo went and retrieved Althaea and Mairon which, in the meantime, Canary was frightened and forced to run away then Alistair was briefly banished. Kyo managed to break the banishment by dropping a fireball on him and Alistair goaded Canary out of her fear before Althaea, super excitedly, tried to hit the Storm Sage with a high level blight. Which Faeram calmly counterspelled before turning and downing Alistair in 1 with a "finger of death" spell. Only when the members of the group and Kyo had managed to do a large amount of damage did the Storm Sage summon Sondry the dragon and take off again.

3: Their 3rd and final fight was CHAOS. First off, Althaea wasn't present but the group did have Tazd. Second, the Storm Sage had the help of another player character: Valefar the Deceiver. The fight started with the Storm Sage rounding a corner and instantly banishing Alistair and, without anyone to do big damage, it took 8 rounds to break the banishment. Meaning their healer tank was out for all but 2 rounds of the fight. And in the very next round, Valefar banished Canary. Meaning for a round or two it was just Mairon and Tazd against Valefar Faeram and their 4 spiders. Luckily Tazd managed to break the Banishment on Canary. But while Canary and Tazd fought Valefar, Mairon was cornered by the Storm Sage. And she didn't come out of that alive. Luckily neither did Valefar. And luckily the round after Mairon died Dreg managed to break the Storm Sage's concentration and bring Alistair back. Which was a huge relief. Alistair immediately went for the Storm Sage and, using a charm of counterspell Kyo had given him, managed to prevent both the Plane Shift and Feeblemind spells he attempted. And within 2 rounds the Sage was taken out.

He was a really interesting charismatic character who had a fun taunting dynamic with the players and I had a lot of fun playing him and fighting as him. But his fights and his end were also amazing and he's someone the group will always remember.

[thewritewolf]

True Sight - Chapter 3

Hello and welcome to the preview of Chapter Three! I’ve gotten back into the swing of things, so I’ve got some August Fluff Month stuff on the way. As always, I’ve only posted the first thousand or so words of the chapter, with the rest (and all the other chapters) on AO3. 

Enjoy!

Read the rest on AO3

Marinette was feeling better after talking things through with Chat. While they aren't any closer to finding out who the stranger is, the situation didn't seem as frightening as it had before. She sighed as she set her backpack down on the chaise in her room, pulling out her homework as she did so.

Tikki flew out of her purse and landed on her shoulder. With so many possible things to talk about, Tikki waited for her charge to initiate conversion. In the meantime, her presence was comfort all its own for the frazzled teenager.

She had just gotten home from school, a familiar routine that gave her solid ground in this rough patch: Wake up, get ready, talk to Alya, take a seat. Clash with Chloe – gotta make sure she doesn't help out Hawkmoth everyday. Perform basic pleasantries with Adrien, take notes, eat out with her three main friends. Her heart fluttered for a moment as she realized she could count Adrien among her friends now. She cheered herself on. One step closer! Take more notes, go home.

Sitting down at her desk, Marinette began staring at her homework. Her mind was too preoccupied with the Ladybug side of things that she couldn't focus on the assigned worksheet. Tikki landed in front of her, meeting her eyes. The young heroine of Paris let out a sigh. “Chemistry can wait. I won't be able to work on this until I've settled down a bit.”

“Maybe a walk in the park will help you organize your thoughts? It certainly wouldn't hurt to get some fresh air.” Tikki offered.

She considered it. There was plenty of sunlight left, and the park was beautiful during late autumn. Why not?

-------------------------------------------------------------

A short bus ride later and she found herself wandering through the park with her sketchpad. The park was popular this time of year, and she passed by a few of her classmates.

She spent some time sketching in amiable silence with the other class artist, Nathaniel. He had been working on a larger piece, and was taking a break by doodling in the sunlight. Marinette made sure that he promised to keep her updated with his progress before she moved on.

In her search to find a secluded spot, she stumbled across Juleka and Rose. She thought about calling out to them, but decided that might be intrusive and turned around.

Max, Kim, and Markov were heading to a soccer game Kim was taking part in. She joined them and made some sketches while cheering with Max and Markov. It wasn't too interesting to her, however, and too distracting for drawing. Halfway through the match, she excused herself and spent the rest of her trip on her own.

A couple of hours passed and she found herself out of the park and with several pages filled with sketches. Most were scenes she had watched, some sly sketches of random park goers, others particularly beautiful plant life. Some was design sketches for warmer clothing for her and her partner. Which got her sketching Chat Noir more. Who knew it was so fun to draw his distinctive outfit?

She hummed absently to herself as she roamed the streets of Paris. Tikki poked her head out of the purse she was hiding in to take a look at their surroundings. “Marinette!” She whispered to her charge. “Master Fu lives nearby. Maybe he knows something about the man? I know his parting words have been bothering you.”

Was that why she was feeling so out of it? “I suppose you're right, Tikki, but I don't see why he'd know anything.”

Trying a different angle of approach, Tikki responded. “Maybe he figured out why the ritual didn't work?” With another potential enemy floating around, Marinette would like to have that power boost sooner rather than later.

Marinette came to a decision quickly. With a firm nod of her head she changed course. “We're almost there anyway. We might as well ask.”

She ducked into an alley and made a few quick turns before reaching the storefront – a store which boasted “ancient Chinese secrets” and “world-famous chi massages.” She was glad she had her sketchbook with her, since she ended up having to wait for about half an hour due to a customer's session being already in progress. Eventually that customer left, and Master Fu stood before her, holding open the door while waving her in.

Nodding his head in a shallow bow, he moved past her to pour some tea. Two incredibly small cups and two normal sized cups were arranged on a low table and filled. He took a seat at the table, on the red cushion there. He started the conversation. “My apologies for making you wait, but I cannot act too suspiciously while either of you are here on non-urgent business. The facade I have established can withstand some... eccentricities... but not in great quantities." His face became a mask of gentle concern. "What is troubling you?”

Am I wearing my worries that openly? Or is Master Fu simply very perceptive? Filing those questions to the back of her mind, she answered as she took a seat opposite him. “Do you know anything about that person who we fought yesterday?” As she asked, Tikki flew out from her purse as Wayzz emerged from... somewhere. She didn't catch where he was hiding. They landed next to the tiny cups that had been poured for them.

He stroked his beard thoughtfully. “Possibly, but I can't be sure. Tell me about the fight the two of you had with him. We will address his capability for hunting akuma afterwards.”

Marinette took and breath and gave what she thought was a fair account of the event – their arrival, his confirmation of their identity, his assault and the clashing between weapons. It was as she was describing the rapid exchanges between Chat and him that Master Fu held up a hand to stop her.

“You say that the sword was leaving physical marks on the staff of Chat Noir? You are sure of this?”

Marinette nodded. “I didn't even think that our weapons could be damaged.” She had see them lose their power before, but barring that, they hadn't suffered damage. Which made her a bit less confident in her armor.

“They shouldn't be able to. The number of substances that can damage the main components of the miraculous can be counted on one hand. The most obvious are other miraculous. The others are rare to the point of non-existence or lost to time.”

Marinette's eyes widened. “Do you think that we are dealing with another miraculous bearer?” She wasn't sure what she thought about that. Hawkmoth was bad enough, but at least this one seemed to be willing to fight alongside them.

Master Fu stroked his beard once again. “It is possible – there are still miraculous that are lost or unaccounted for, including one of the seven. But I feel this is not the case.”

Marinette's ears perked up at that. Having the stranger be a miraculous bearer was something she understood and could plan for. But an unknown person being able to harm at least their weapons and probably even their armor was... unsettling.

He got up and walked over to his electronic notepad. Returning to his seat, he began flipping through the virtual pages of the copied book of miraculous lore. While doing so, he spoke. “I have not made progress in deciphering the remainder of the ritual we performed, but I have compared it to the other pages in the text. Specifically, the alchemical recipes that unlocked the specialized forms of your miraculous. It was difficult to notice at first, but the language is subtly different. The potions claim to awaken power from within, whereas the ritual promised to sharpen their powers.”

He stopped and sipped tea while Marinette absorbed the information. So the ritual was meant to hone their abilities rather than be a power boost. Her shoulders sagged. I guess it was too much to hope for a quick fix to our problem. Then her eyes widened as the implications caught up to her. “Do you think that we... summoned this person?”

Master Fu slowly nodded. “That is a very real possibility. The fact that he appeared no more than a day after we performed the ritual and tracked you two down specifically is too great a coincidence to be ignored.”

Great. So they were responsible for adding to their own troubles. Then again, that fight with the akuma immediately afterwards would have been time consuming without help. There was also the relief that this wasn't part of a slow burning plot by Hawkmoth. Which reminded her... “Did you want me to describe the battle with the akuma?”

At his nod, she began. The form of the villain, their brief struggle before the stranger's arrival, his discovery of the akuma's hiding spot, his defense of Chat, and the delayed beeping of their miraculous.

The elderly guardian had been following her story intently, but was surprised with the ending. “That is... very strange. That would suggest they were receiving outside power, sustaining the transformation.” He furrowed his brows and looked deep in thought. “I feel that deciphering the remainder of that ritual has become of paramount importance. Is there anything else you wanted to ask, Ladybug?”

God, it was weird to be called that while she wasn't wearing the spots. She shook her head and got up to leave. Tikki returned to float by her head.

"Good bye, Ladybug, and be careful. We do not know what motivates this stranger."

-------------------------------------------------------------------- 

She still had homework waiting for her, but she found it much easier to focus on after her walk. She got it done in record time, but the sun had long since set. Leaning back in her desk chair, her mind wandered over the day's events.

Her conversation with Master Fu hadn't exactly set her at ease, but she was at least glad that it wasn't Hawkmoth up to any new tricks. He may be getting stronger, but she and Chat Noir were improving as well! As her thoughts drifted to Chat, she was reminded of Tikki and the sustained transformation.

“Tikki?”

Her kwami stopped midway to lifting a whole cookie to her mouth. She gingerly placed it on the desk and glided over to her charge. “Yes, Marinette?” Tikki watched her with big, round eyes.

Marinette paused. “Did you feel the flow of energy Master Fu mentioned?”

Her kwami crossed her arms and legs over her, eyes crossed for a moment. She looked deep in thought as she responded. “Yes. It was very strange." She opened her eyes and began flitting around Marinette. "Normally, I draw my power from a pool within me – cookies help fill this pool, but there is a steady stream that will fill it over time. In that moment, the stream's flow became much stronger, and I could keep up the transformation with no problem. If given time, we might have even been able to call on the Lucky Charm again.”

Marinette mulled over this information. Most of it was nothing she hadn't figured out on her own, although Tikki put it into more definite terms. “Has this ever happened before?”

“Sometimes. Usually, when there is a lot of magic in an area. It probably wasn't a conscious decision, for what it's worth.” Tikki waited for a response, but Marinette was tapping her finger on the desk, plainly unsatisfied with the answer. Tikki returned to her cookie and was beginning to nibble at it while Marinette watched.

She bite her lower lip and wondered if it would be too much to ask if Tikki knew anything about the ritual. If it was in the guardian book, then that must have meant it had been used by miraculous users in the past, right? Maybe other Ladybugs had dealt with it before, and Tikki would have been there for those times...

Tikki looked at her with eyes filled with sympathy, likely having figured out her charge's next question. “I'm sorry, Marinette. I can't answer questions about past Ladybugs.” The kwami became more vibrant and her voice took on a more hopeful tone. “But I can say that you shouldn't worry about it. This will all work out in the end, trust me!” Her charged sighed, disappointed with the answer, but not surprised by it. Still, she trusted Tikki had her best interests at heart, and felt worry slip away.

Marinette yawned and took that as her cue to get ready for bed. She was able to sleep early for once and she fully intended to take advantage of that. Tomorrow, she would have patrol with Chat, but for now she could relax.

[ethxndolan]

Grayson Dolan Must Die (G.D.) Part 7

Summary: Grayson Dolan is known as the schools womanizer. His ability to make a girl fall in love with him, and drop her within a week is legendary. When a series of events peaks Grayson’s interest in Y/N, she is recruited by three of his exes to break his heart in a very public way and exact revenge for all the pain he has caused. However, nothing goes according to plan… and Y/N may be in way over her head navigating the whit and charm that is Grayson Dolan.

A/N: so there’s probably gonna be 10 parts in total so were kinda nearing the end

Word Count: 2,582 lolol idk what happened 

Warnings: hot angry grayson

MASTERLIST

“Don’t have sex with him tonight. He’s for sure going to try, but you have to keep stringing him along so he will actually fall for you and not look at you as just a good lay,” Sabrina explained. Her and the other GDMD girls had come over to help me get me ready for my date with Grayson. I told them up and down that I was capable of doing it on my own, but nobody believed me.

“I mean I’m really not planning on sleeping with him at all, like ever, so I’ll be fine,” I said. Rachel just rolled her eyes, clearly not believing me. Thankfully the doorbell rang which signaled Grayson’s arrival and my escape. I never thought I would be so ecstatic to see him, because even at his worst he was better than these girls.

Megan grabbed the bottom of my dress to pull it down and expose my chest more than it already was. I looked at her questioningly because they had literally spent the last thirty minutes telling me I wasn't allowed to sleep with him. “We don’t want him to think you’re a prude,” she said.

I groaned dramatically, “Okay, whatever. Can I go now?” I gestured towards the door.

Rachel shook her head, looking at me like I was an idiot. “No! You have to make him wait a while, just long enough to make him question if you flaked on him, but not long enough for him to actually leave.” I didn’t think I was terrible at dating, I mean I snagged Connor, sort off… but these girls had so many different rules for how to act and when to respond, it was exhausting just hearing them talk about it.

“That’s so dumb,” I said. I grabbed my purse and pushed passed them heading towards my front door. I wasn’t into playing games like that. I mean, aside from the fact that the entirety of this whole plan was just a game to them. It was so fucked up how they had no regard for anyone’s feelings involved. Then again, Grayson had hurt them pretty badly. Sabrina had privately shared with me that after they had slept together she called and texted him and he straight up ignored her. When she finally approached him about it at school, he acted like it never happened.

I opened the door and stepped out quickly, not wanting him to see the girls standing in my living room. After I shut the door, I turned around and realized I was way closer to Grayson then I thought. I reeled back trying to put more space between us. He raised an eyebrow at me.

“Hey Gray,” I said, ignoring his confused look.

“You don’t want me to meet your parents or anything?” He was standing there with his hands in his pocket looking different than I had expected. He was wearing beat up jeans, a flannel with a t-shirt underneath and boots caked with mud. Which was odd considering he said we were going to a nice restaurant, which is why I was had on a tight black dress and heels. We didn’t look like we were going to the same place.

“Oh no, they’re not home,” I said, just as the lights behind me in the house turned on. The girls had probably turned them on so they could spy on us easier, and they couldn’t have had worse timing. “Well, anyway let’s go.” I grabbed his arm and pulled him down my front steps behind me.

We walked up to his truck and he opened the passenger door for me. “Thanks,” I mumbled, as I got in.

He walked around and got into the drivers seat and started his car. “So change of plans, some of the football team is going out to dinner so I thought we could tag along. Is that cool?”

My eyebrows scrunched up a little in confusion. “Yeah, sure, that’s cool.”

He immediately turned up the volume of the radio loud enough so we couldn't talk. It wasn’t a long drive until we reached Ted’s, which was the local diner that everyone at our school hung out in. Gray killed the engine and hopped out of the truck and headed in the door so fast I was left sitting in the passenger seat with whiplash.

I got out of the car and headed into Ted’s looking for Grayson. He was already sitting at a table with two other guys and Ethan. I walked over to the table nervously as if I was the one intruding on their plans. Gray stood up and let me have a set in the booth next to Ethan, while he pulled up a chair and sat at the end of the table.

“You guys know Y/N, right?” Gray said.

We all mumbled greetings to each other. Everyone seemed to be a little uncomfortable with this situation. Everyone except Gray, that is. Grayson talked to John and Tucker, completely ignoring me, while Ethan made small talk with me until our server came over.

She went around the table taking everyone’s orders. When it was my turn I opened my mouth to order, but Gray cut me off saying, “She’ll take the caesar salad and a diet coke.” I started at him in complete disbelief. He knew I hated diet coke, I had shit all over him for offering me one when I was at his house for our tutoring session. Let alone the fact that I had just told Tucker I was going to get the chicken tenders when he asked me.

I shot him a ‘what the fuck’ look, but he just smiled at me in return. Was this really the kind of date every girl at school was dying to have with The Grayson Dolan?

The rest of the dinner went pretty smoothly. The guys were really funny and they apparently loved me for helping Gray have a passing grade in chem because ‘they were nothing without their star quarterback’. Grayson pretty much ignored me the whole time, never directly speaking to me.

When it came time to pay for our food, Grayson was super quick to tell the waiter that we all wanted separate checks. I had no problem paying for myself, it was just the fact that he assumed I was going to pay for myself. He was supposed to offer and then I was supposed to politely decline and insist on paying for myself. Like that was a classic date move for a girl and the way our date was going with him barely acknowledging me, I wasn’t going to have a lot more opportunities to make him fall in love with me.

When we got up and left the restaurant I swear Grayson was trying to make us tag along with them to a party, until Ethan butted in and made it clear we weren’t invited. Ethan gave me a quick hug before they took off. I saw him give Gray a weird look over my shoulder, even E could tell his brother was acting kind of weird tonight.

Instead we got back in Grayson’s truck, with the music uncomfortably loud, as we drove to some unknown location. The weirdest part about the whole thing was how little he spoke to me. Grayson always had something to say. Some joke to crack, some innuendo to insinuate, he just wasn’t a quiet guy. It was part of the reason why he had so many friends and why people were so attracted to him.

As soon as we took a turn down a gravel road, I knew immediately where we were going. There was a lookout spot where you could park your car and see all of our town below. It was an infamous hook-up spot at night. I had been there with Connor a time or two before. I got a slight sick feeling in my stomach as I wondered what we were doing here.

Grayson pulled the car to a stop and turned the radio down and his eyes shot to me. I was taken aback by how cold his stare was, normally they were so light and playful. “So where do you want to do it? You could ride me right here or we could get in the backseat, it’s up to you.”

“What?!” I shrieked. My heart rate sky rocketed as I stared at him in complete confusion. He always joked about us getting together, but it always felt like a joke. But this… I didn’t know what this was.

He looked at me dead serious. “Come on Y/N, isn’t this what we’re here for? I thought you knew my reputation.” He was completely facing me now with his left forearm resting on the steering wheel. I could see the way his fingers were hanging that they were very tense.

I had no idea how to respond. I mean he was kind of right I did know his reputation, but I thought it was going to be different with us for some reason, or even if he did come on to me it wouldn’t be like this. It kind of thought he actually cared about me a little. Then again I’m sure that’s what Sabrina, Megan and Rachel all thought too. “I’m not… that’s not…” I stuttered. “What’s wrong with you? You’ve barely said two words to me, you haven’t cracked any sex jokes and now you’re acting like I’m some fucking prostitute who’s going to service you. I just don’t get it. Gray, you never shut the fuck up, like what’s up tonight?” I blurted out.

“What? This is it? This is what’s too far for you?” He asked. “You knew what you were getting into, this is how a date with me goes.”

“Can you just take me home, please? I think maybe this was a mistake.” I faced forward and crossed my arms. I wasn’t sure how to salvage any part of this date so I was just ready to be done with it.

Gray actually looked a little taken back. “Aren’t you supposed to go along with everything I say? Isn’t that part of the plan?” His tone was very accusing.

“When have I ever gone along with anything you said. Rejecting you is like my favorite past time,” I said. “Wait a minute, plan? What plan?” I gasped as suddenly everything clicked together. The way he changed our plans last minute to see if I would go along with it, the way he ordered for me to see what I would say, who even knows how we would have tested me if we had gone to the party. “Oh my god, you know don’t you?”

He glared at me a little. “Know what? About your plan?”

“You said plan first,” I accused. “What plan are you talking about?” I so badly wanted for him to know the truth, but just in case we were talking about two different things I wasn’t about to spill everything just yet.

His eyes got even darker and colder before he spoke, “You’re little plan to make me fall for you or whatever and then break up with me in front of the whole school. That fucking plan.”

“How the hell do you know about Grayson Dolan Must Die?” I asked. I was running all the possibilities through my head of how he could have found out, but I was coming up with nothing. This didn’t make any sense.

He leaned back, clearly trying to get as far away from me as possible. “Die? What the fuck? What the hell kind of fucked up shit are you into, Y/L/N.” He eyes darted around as if he was looking for something to protect himself with.

I rolled my eyes. “No, you idiot. Die, like socially. The plan was to ruin you’re reputation at school so no girl will ever go out with you again.”

He glared at me and then got out, slamming his door closed so hard the whole truck shook. I got out and followed him. He was pacing and running his hands through his hair. “What the fuck, Y/N?” He yelled. “I thought you were fucking different, but it turns out you’re just like everybody else who only sees what they can gain from being around me. I can’t fucking believe this.”

“It’s not like that-“

He cut me off, “Of course it’s fucking like that! What the fuck did I ever to do you? Sorry I fucking asked to copy your homework, I didn’t fucking realize that was enough to warrant ruining my life! Believe me, I won’t ever do it again.” He kicked the tire of his truck and I jumped in shock. His body was tense and he was so riled up he looked like he was ready to explode.

“Listen-“

“No, you fucking listen!” He screamed. His voice was deeper when he was angry, and if I wasn’t a little bit scared I would have thought it was hot. “Stay the hell away from me! I don’t want anything to do with your psychotic ass ever again. You seriously need help, Y/N. Like i’ve dealt with some crazy girls before, but this really tops everything. Like i’m actually a little impressed.”

“Would you just fucking let me talk?” I screamed. If he would just let me explain everything I knew I could make him understand that I had no choice.

He walked up to me and leaned into my face, clearly trying to intimate me. “No! I don’t want to fucking hear another word from your crazy lying mouth! Stay the fuck away from me, never talk to me again, don’t even fucking think about me again, okay? You better believe I’m going to tell everyone at school about this, you deserve everything that’s coming to you Y/N,” he snarled.

Tears started to well up in my eyes at his words. I knew he was upset and hurt, but they still stung. “I’m being blackmailed!”

“What?” He stepped back in shock, clearly not expecting that.

“They have a fucking sex tape of me with Connor, I didn’t have a choice!” I explained. My eyes pleaded with him to understand. He had to understand that I didn’t want any part of this stupid plan. I wouldn’t say Grayson and I had become friends, but it kind of felt like maybe we could be and that was important to me.

Gray shook his head. “I really don’t think Sabrina or Megan have it in them to do that.” He went back to his pacing. I could see that his thoughts were racing inside his head as he tried to figure this whole thing out.

“You’re right, probably not,” I sighed, “but Rachel does.”

His head whipped back around to face me, his eyes wide open. “Rachel?” I nodded in response. “She’s the one who told me about your plan.”

“She’s the one who has the video of me!” I yelled, “She’s been orchestrating this whole thing all along.”

He ran his hands through his hair and was silent for a moment. I didn’t say anything else, I just let him calm down and settle his racing thoughts. “Oh my god…” he muttered. “So, what? They release the video if you don’t follow through with the plan?” He asked.

“Yeah,” I said.

“Fuck,” he cursed.

[shsldetectiv-blog]

lost

Character: Shuichi Saihara Genre: pure angst WARNINGS: this fic contains spoilers for drv3! if you have not played the game and do not want to see spoilers, then do not read this. Unless you are okay with spoilers than read to your heart's desire.  Word count: 1.2k A/N: this is my first Saihara fic and I feel like it turned out very well. I hope the ones who read this enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing this~

Enjoy!~

I feel lost.

I’ve always felt so lost. Even before the events of Danganronpa. Regardless if my memories given to me were real or fake. I know deep down I’ve always been oh so lost. But after meeting Kaede...that slowly started to change.

I don’t know if it was because she was the first person I interacted with when I gained consciousness, or if the welcoming aura she had drawn me to her. From the start I knew she was something special, of course being the ultimate pianist *is* pretty special.

She drew me out of the shell I was hidden deep within. I was so afraid to trust myself but, she believed in me. The touch of her hand on mine was enough proof of how loving and caring she was.

Spending time with her helped make me find my way and start believing more in myself. I was so blinded by her love that I didn’t see what was happening behind the scenes.

Before the first class trial, she told me to borrow the strength from others and have that be my strength. She believed I would find her mistakes and set everything right.

But it only made my heartbreak. I narrowed what strength I could from the others to fight Kaede being Rantaro’s killer. It was one of the many times I wish I was wrong. Oh, how I wished I was wrong.

That strength I borrowed didn’t actually give me strength. It only helped push me until the end. Monokuma executed her right in front of me and the others.

I’ve never felt my heart break more than it did in that moment. By that time all the strength, I borrowed ran out. I was so weak I couldn’t even stand or move. I fell to my knees and hunched over clenching my chest. I couldn’t even feel my heart beating. I finally thought I was lost forever.

I never ever got to tell her how deeply I felt for her. How sitting by her made my heart beat a thousand times more. How warm her touch was and how hot it made me feel, how hard I’d blush and hope she didn’t notice. I wish she could have filled my ears with the sounds her fingers made against the keys of the piano. I wish I could have told her how nervous she made me. I wish I could tell her all of this.

I gripped tighter onto my uniform feeling the tears roll down my face.

“HEY SHUICHI!”

I look up for a second to see Kaito’s fist heading in the direction of my cheekbone.

After feeling the impact of his skin against mine, I went into shock. My mouth hung open and my eyes widened. I felt everyone’s eyes on me.

“Are you going to sit here and continue to act like this?! Kaede left her wish to you, Shuichi! What kind of man would let her dying wish go to waste!?! Huh?!?”

I slowly lifted up my head, staring directional into Kaito’s eyes.

He was right. It was time to man up and face this. I can’t continue her wish if I don’t pick myself up.

I slowly picked myself up from the ground as everyone started to head there way back to the elevator, except Kaito. He placed a hand on my shoulder and apologize for punching me. Then told me he also believed in me.

I nodded, adjusting the hat on my head. Which only brought back a memory of Kaede asking about my hat.

I don’t remember how, but I found myself in her lab, looking about wishing more she was still here.

But then I realized I still had some strength left in me to continue to fight. I pulled the hat off my head. This is all for you, Kaede.

To my surprise, Kaito came around me a lot more. By dragging me out of my room and forcing me to work out sessions. At first, I thought he was just being weird, trying to help me cope. But that wasn’t the case at all.

Kaito helped change something in me. He picked me up off my feet and got me to see there is more than worrying. That I cannot hold myself back anymore.

Then I realized. I wasn’t lost.

Kaede paved the path I was meant to walk on, Kaito helped give me that extra push down that path.

He calls me his “sidekick” but I know he really meant his friend. My life wasn’t the only one Kaito was taking effect on. He started to change Maki.

The two of them helped change me in ways I can never explain. I was becoming happy. Our workout sessions helped me become stronger and to gain my own strength. My own strength that I can lend to others to help push them. I felt so brave.

But finding out Kaito was sick brought me to a holt. I knew Kaito was strong enough to push through. He was always smiling and encouraging everyone, mostly Maki and I.

But I never knew he would die quicker than I thought.

Once again I was brought down to my knees in pain. Maki’s tears wouldn’t quit streaming down her face as she confesses her love for Kaito, dropping down to her knees beside me.

How many times do I have to go through this? One by one I watched as my friends lied, cheat and murder each other. My heart couldn’t take any more hits. Not after Kaito.

I grew so attached to Kaede and him...losing them both was like losing my soul. I didn’t even feel alive. I lose the girl I loved...and I lost my best friend.

It was hard for Maki and myself to pick ourselves back up. But what made it easier was that we had each other still. And the fact we still had to fight, not only for ourselves but for Himiko’s, Tsumugi’s and Keebo’s sakes.

But the betrayal of Tsumugi and the sacrifice of Keebo was only more hits to my heart I couldn’t take. For me, there was no such thing as hope or despair. Neither was in my favor, anyway.

It was a big surprise that Maki, Himiko and myself survived it all. We pushed through the rubble seeing the light from the outside world.

We didn’t know what laid beyond that wall, but I sure as hell was terrified. I was shaking, feeling as if the ground below me was about to crack open and suck me in. Maki took her hand in mine, showing how much she was shaking as well.

“We survived this far, now we need to live. To live for Kaito. To live for Kaede...and for the others who’ve lost their lives.”

I nodded in agreement, glancing down at Himiko and how her eyes sparkled as she stared at the open world.

This path that Kaede and Kaito paved for me lead me here. When I should feel happy and relaxed...I feel scared and lost.

Oh so lost.

There’s no telling what will happen from here, but I pray I find my way, that we ALL find our way.

And that I stop feeling so lost.