#our sexy gay aunts
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dystopianam · 3 months ago
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A little summary of how the fandoms of the various neighborhoods of The Sims 2 are like
(I would like to say that all the points listed were written for joking, it is not my intention to offend anyone, every neighborhood/fandom deserves love equally and I use stereotypes just for laughs.)
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Pleasantview
You are probably a new player, you have only now discovered that you can also play outside the tutorial.
Your favorite family are the Burbs (for some reason) (Currently I discovered that only the Italian fandom is obsessed with the Burbs for some reason??)
You've been obsessed with Bella Goth and have been following her mystery for years. We are in 2024 and you are still looking for or making videos or posts with the title "I FINALLY DISCOVERED THE TRUTH ABOUT THE MYSTERY OF BELLA GOTH" (Spoiler: you didn't discover anything, your theory is full of nonsensical headcanons but you are convinced that it is canon)
Oooh, silly Don ☺️☺️
Dina and Nina are bad grill but they're so hot 😰😰💦💦 🥵🥵🥵
Talk about Bella 24 hours a day
Broke?? Dreamer?? Pleasant?? Who the f they are? D: (You only know the Goths, Calientes and Lotharios because you've only played The Sims 4 so far)
BRANDINAAAAAA (POWER TO WIDOWS!!!)
The only lore you know is that of Bella Goth.
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Strangetown
You're a little more "cultured" as a player. You're here because you're passionate about Bella's story, but now you also love the lore of Strangetown and have enough knowledge about the lore of both neighborhoods.
Cactus and Aliens aesthetic.
Obsessed with PascNerv.
Joking about Loki face and piss jokes about Vidcund H24 (The only thing you talk about is that)
RIPP IS THE ONLY VICTIM, TANK IS A STUPID ASSHOLE!!! RIP RIPP 😭😭😭😭
Vidcund sexy man, his favorite color is yellow because he have a bladder problem.
Fans obsessed with Vidcund to the point that it turns a joke into something worrying with people actually fighting over a bunch of pixels with buck hair.
Loki and Circe do BDSM.
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VERONAVILLE
The fandom has a large number of 11 members. Half of them are here just for the Tycutio.
They look indignantly at the PV & ST fandom, with a glass of wine in hand, they feel superior but they never knew anything about Shakespeare's works until now.
Ahaha Mercutio raccoon boy 🦝
Ahah Tybalt angry pussy 🐱
KENT IS OUR LORD
Everyone in Veronaville are LGBT+ except Romeo.
Ahahah Gnomeo!
Wait...what are you telling me it's Romeo & Juliet and not Mercutio & Tybalt??? Didn't Shakespeare write a gay tragedy???
Old men yaoi
Old women yuri
VIOLA EXISTS, FUCK YOU ALL, I HAVE A HUGE LIST OF COMPLETELY INVENTED DETAILS ABOUT HER THAT CERTIFY HER EXISTENCE. SHUT UP. NO ONE CAN ASSUME A GENDER FOR HAMLET. IF HAMLET WANTS TO FEEL LIKE AN AUNT AND NOT AN UNCLE YOU JUST HAVE TO STAY MUTE.
Antonio swears on his restaurant, his family and his cappuccino.
Riverblossom Hills, Desiderata Valley & Belladonna Cove
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party-gilmore · 2 years ago
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Interesting things I've noticed about (my own, obvs) gender fluidity:
Girl Mode is bi as hell. Guy Mode is always exclusively gay. I just think that's interesting. And doesn't contribute to my bi imposter syndrome at all.
Being Sleepy (not tired - the vibe of "sleepy" specifically) instantly triggers Girl Mode. Not ever once have I been a Sleepy Man, only a Sleepy Girl.
"Woman" feels weird but "Girl" feels fine, while "Man" feels fine but "Boy" feels weird??? Aunt good Uncle bad, thoughts kf Wife/Mother good Husband/Dad bad, but Brother good Sister bad??? Nephew good Niece bad??? My Boyfriend good My Girlfriend bad??? Son and Daughter both neutral??? Why???
Being Horny triggers Guy Mode. Feeling Slutty triggers Girl Mode. It's a very fine distinction, but it is there. It is strange when both hit at the same time it feels like cross the ghostbuster streams.
I'm androgynous enough that I can shift to a decent, base level of either femme or masc kind easy, but it's also frustrating because i can never be AS femme/masc as I want to be. I would almost rather be All The Way one way and have to work harder the other direction, instead of having to work hard in both.
I don't like the term non-binary for me. I am VERY binary. 93% of the time it is explicitly one or the other. The remaining 7% is the rare times both hit at once, except there's no blurring it's not like mixing blue and red into purple its more like that dress that looks both blue and white at the same time.
However using trans feels weird because sometimes I'm not. Trans feels like you have changed from one to the other but sometimes it's a change back to my agab so it's not really a change at all? That one post like "trans means anyone who doesn't 100% align with their agab" helped me get a little more comfortable with it and I'm comfy displaying like my little trans flag bead lizard but something about the WORD just doesn't sit right
This is why I love Queer. Queer queerey queer queer queer. It's the only word I've got that gets the point across but doesn't leave me feeling like i need to Explain Myself like "well okay so sometimes I'm bi but sometimes I'm gay but not in a cis way except when it is so no matter what i feel like a faker"
I got distract these arent fun facts at all their mostly anxiety spiral sad facts let me get back on the point
Long Hair actually makes me feel more masc, while Short Hair makes me feel more femme. Unless a mustache has become involved.
Absolutely fascinating that i can look at my body, my exact same naked body, and as a man feel confident and sexy but as a woman feel bloated and unattractive. Like. Can we get a femme equivalent of the Dadbod please? Or maybe relax our standards a little bit? I'm dying here
It's so much easier to talk about this shit with absolute strangers in the void than people i know, even when i know some of those people are also here in the same void reading these. It's just still easier than saying the words. Weird.
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6.26.24 Wednesday
7:12 am
Still,have windblow...
Drinking my coffee... I miss some old good friends,open to have new friends but I have fear on immature who just suddenly made a comment on me but they didn't even know me at all....
I have jealousy on younger women coz a lot of them are getting my maturity but there are some good but hard to find or difficult to figure out...
I wanna leave Cavite if I can but I know I can't... I'm still thinking of how to pay my creditz and thinking of money and job...
Oopps! Uncle DD and Aunt Karen are not here coz their spaceship is not there...
Again, a recap I don't like a fox friends who can open doors even if it's locked and getting some stuff from me and giving it to someone that I didn't know or not even my soul-friends...
Can't get over on the "red stripe shorts" ... Fear of someone is wearing it that don't have any connection on me...
Continuation of my friends list from yestersay post : 6.25.24 Tuesday
1. Apple 2. Mitchang 3. Willa Biology in De La Salle coz I know 2 Willa's the other is on Medicine School 4.Roshena Isaac 5. JP Alintanahin 6. Brien Neil Cantimbuhan 7. Antonietto Saberon 8. Noreen Caparas 9. EMS 10.Chariz 11. Monette...
12. Karen Jarata-- is my friend since 2nd year high school until 4th year. Indian beauty, her hair and eyes are her asset aside from being tall. She was and is really mature since high school. Bisexual coz I remembered her having an affair with a tomboy that I forgot the name then had some bf's... We don't share our comb with other people even a friend, that is our similarities... She already had have a nail polish, ever since high school. When did I have my french manicure?? I had my first french manicure when I turned 18. Karen had have her french manicure since 3rd year high school. My high school friend with Monette and Brien and others...
13. Renalyn Espinoza-- My high school friend since 3rd year. Another naturally sexy friend of mine. She is just quiet and smiling.Always raising her eyebrows in a joke way... She is fierce in a way a true friend.
14. Rosemarie Lasco-- My college friend during college plus my biology mate. A very religious person as well.... A choir member in De La Salle and in Catholic church. Sweet and very warm and very calm. She is really mature and independent woman since our teenage years. She got a good voice. Big boobs! Hahah
Before Ivan she had a bf in De La Salle her coach in choir but they broke up coz the guy said he was gay, something like that... As far as I can remember she cried for months then Ivan came into her life...
15. Ivan--I forgot his surname but in a way I considered him my friend coz of Rose. But since high school I knew Ivan coz of Brien coz Brien told me that Ivan used to be a student of Immaculate Conception Academy before he transferred in Divine? As far as I can remember it is Divine Catholic School. He is tall and handsome and xbf of the friend2x of Jerome Manalo ( which I'm hating Jerome for being Manalo but I love him as my friend not for being Manalo coz I'm hating Manalo ). Let's go back to Ivan, he is a member of dance group in De La Salle and became a gym coach in Fitness First ( I know he always motivated Rose to lose weight ). He was as well a team leader in call center from the past years after college.
16. Jerome Manalo--My friend since 2nd year high school right? Or 3rd year ... I think 2nd year! So, this one was naturally intelligent but lazy but he was really came from section 1 with Brien and Joane Luna. He is soft and sweet and always wanting US to portray Bobby and Angelu. We were and still Taglish but Jerome was really something he was and I guess still a good host and he is good on talking... He is a good friend, a very good friend. His mother was an artist before on screen. I forgot the name,one of the comedian sexy star. He always open his heart to me and he is a good friend but hating him for being Manalo'z.
17. Rina's-- I have 2 friends named Rina in De La Salle,one is Filipino and the other is Nepal or taiwanesse. They were my biology mates. Rina the Filipino we were in the same circle with Ronald the Biology ( Our classmates of Willa and I ) . The other Rina the foreigner was just in other circle. But we are friends coz we helped each other on our Biology work book. We get along coz of our lessons and it was all about Biology if we reviewed already stuff like that... Rina became the gf of the foreigner I forgot the name, he made a joke on me, I think he was a taiwanesse. Rina the Filipino, her bf that crazy taiwanese said that he pitied me coz I have no bf. It was funny for me... That he said I'm poor something like that but he was indirectly pointing out that he pitied me coz I was single, something like that. I was just smiling at him even if he is belittling me.
The Rina nepalise/ taiwanesse was always saying hi to me or if I already studied. She always smile at me...
I know the 3 of them are doctors now....
To be continued later these friend's list...
8:15 am
Still, have windblow...
Back to present time:
I wanna leave Cavite coz my friends are all gone and I need some progress...
I wanted some progress on my personal life... I wanna travel and get a breast implants....I don't know... I don't know...
Given a chance I wanna see some good old friends and have some gatherings...
I really wanna do nose perfection... I wanna have some progress... I feel bitterish coz of my cousin white... I don't know if I can be an artist or just to have Garret but I feel shy...
But I still want my own bread and butter... I need money and job and self-fulfillment. I wanna have a car on my own...
9:10 am
Uncle DD and Aunt Karen are here again at 9:11 am...
11:11 am
I got food from Ate Liza's CarinderiaZ, Uncle Jun will pay for it. Supposed to be I will ask for 1 sachet of coffee,she didn't allow me and added I can't give you coffee coz the creditz is already 2k pesoses...
12:11 noon
I wanna kill that Kuya Poy DJ, seriously... I want him dead... I don't like purely tagalog... It is killing my original persona... I want taglish on everyone, angels...
1:53 pm
Still,have windblow...
I'm thinking of money and job and my vanity. I wanna have a breast implants... I don't know... I don't know...
I feel bitter here in the Philippines... Some bad and good Filipinose...
2:58 pm
Still,have windblow...
I'm thinking of money and job... I feel bitter... I wanna have a breast implants.... My nose perfection.I lost my future...
I hate my cousin white for being married and I wanna curse him,in a way.... Oh! Bittersweet or bitterish...
3:57 pm
Argh! Heavenly physically perfect just like the bride of my cousin-white that I want death for them? What's with that skinny body and their gown?
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I don't get their image??? I just don't feel her if she is somewhere in USA angels... I don't wish them happiness... I can't take it...
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4:03 pm
This is ohkay... But my cousin white and his bride.. I don't know what kind of image is that?
Supposed to be my wedding with my cousin white then I want a funeral wedding if there is but there is none...
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4:19 pm
Argh angels...
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4:32 pm
Ending??? Or a brand new "Cherry Blossom"...
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6:35 pm
Eagle is fakers ... Maya2x keeps on calling me for 35000 pesoses that I didn't receive as a loan.... Giving hint that singer who made the lyrics at the end Maya2x on Loving You???
8:31 pm
I'm thinking if I'm still going to loan and weird if the Teleperformance will not have an organization to open the account it is not my fault here in the universe...
Did Mitch give me a "simple battery"? Where is she???
9:11 pm
Hmm... What will be the next move of some killer eagle or Filipinose who are fakers! Let's play....
Bring it on, on Portia...
10:45 pm
My REEL for my cousin white...
My REEL for Garret...
My REEL take 2 for my cousin white...
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kavrillia · 5 months ago
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This is a tricky one because I don't always understand what makes some characters popular and others hated among fans, but I tried to extrapolate given what I've seen in past years of fandom involvement.
S-Tier:
Zarolyn exists to be adorable and wear cute outfits. I suppose some people might find her too saccharine, but those people have no souls. Bwahahaha!
Young teenager Delzeena is a brave, spunky, quick-thinking survivor. Her sass only partially covers up the scars of her tragic past. You cheer to see her get through bad times, but you would rather see her finally catch a break--especially when you remember how young she really is.
Prince Xeebec is an unbearably smug, handsome, eloquent, petty, wealthy, snarky, glorious bastard who wants to take over and rule (at least two thirds of) the world, yet also is plagued by deep insecurities. If he didn't have fangirls, I'd be very surprised.
Empress Vazali is the main character, and we spend more time in her head than anyone else's. If she's not likable, I'm a disastrous failure of a writer. ;) She's definitely not perfect, but she is a kind, empathetic person who sincerely wants to do the right things for her people. Too bad it can be so difficult to know what the right things are when centuries of conflict loom over her and her crown.
Bronzar is our leading man. He's loyal, supportive, stoic, modest, a doting father, looks damn fine in a suit, and thwarts assassins for a living. The trope of the bodyguard developing not-so-professional feelings for the person they're protecting is a popular one for a reason. A solemn oath in conflict with the yearning of the heart...oh, the angst!
Abarok would be dubbed a cinnamon roll, too pure for this world. He's funny and sweet, and the biggest girlboss around would kick anyone's ass to protect him. He's also ace, so hooray for representation!
Zadie is the aforementioned girlboss: brave, headstrong, smartass, funny, loyal, treats the rules like suggestions, will go to the ends of the earth for those she loves. Being an active soldier means she is fit and toned, with noticeable arm muscles, and some people are definitely into that.
Xorax is a conflicted villain who was brainwashed from birth to believe the false idea that he must assassinate certain people to save his ancestors' souls from eternal torment. The angst potential is through the roof. He's got the dangerous, grim-faced, standoffish aura that makes fandom want to break him until he's sobbing out his deepest insecurities in the arms of a Mary Sue. So what if he tried multiple times to kill a little girl? He's just misunderstood, you see!
A Tier:
Sicara gets to wear sexy, fiery dancing outfits. She's kind and compassionate but not a pushover. She also has a soft spot for lost souls in need of guidance.
As only the daughter or sister of the monarch, Kazaneta gets to say the things her more reserved relatives would never dare to utter. She's not afraid to call people out on their B.S. She's also a good mom and a fun aunt.
Zalani is mysterious, rich, sexy, and loves to manipulate those around her to further her own goals. She's also bi and struggling to advance feminism in a patriarchal society.
B Tier:
Emperor Xeres dies in the first chapter, so the reader doesn't get to know him first-hand, but we hear good things about him from his wife and daughters. The unresolved conflict with his son is fodder for drama and angst, though.
Queen Vizada is the mother of the main character, and she goes through some dark times after her husband's unexpected death, so she would garner some sympathy.
Rimzor isn't the most fleshed out character in the cast, but he's a good soldier and friend who's often caught in the middle of his colleagues' arguments. There's plenty of room for people to have headcanons about him.
Zola and Leva are both the embodiment of the "be gay and do crime" meme.
Zenni is just kind of there in the background of a lot of scenes, filling a more supportive role in the plot. He's your typical young boy who enjoys collecting action figures, watching cartoons, and showing his sister gross pictures in books to make her scream "eew!"
C Tier:
Cazella is only in the mini-sequel, not the main plot, but if she was around in the thick of things I imagine she would be a bit divisive. Some people would like her because she's a resilient, stubborn, compassionate person who's been through some serious trauma and picked herself up again afterward. Others would hate her because she's the canon love interest of a character who didn't have one in the main plot, so she'd interfere with people's headcanons and self-insert OCs.
Zelda is ditzy, shallow, and lazy, but pretty funny and not a bad person at heart.
A gray-haired man who can still pass the physical for the Imperial Guard? Ambruk would probably qualify as a DILF to some people.
Irina is devious and beautiful, a good combination for anyone who likes their pretty characters with some edge. She's not the deepest character, but there's room for headcanons, and some fans can probably relate to her crush on Xeebec.
Nartok is an antagonist but not evil, trying to get out from under his father's shadow and prove himself. Still, he's enough of a bad guy that people who like those kinds of characters would sit up and take notice. Alas, he's a misogynist and has bad breath, but determined fans have smoothed over far worse traits in their favorite characters.
Ontaz is a sickly old man in current canon but I can see flashback fics where he's the political leader of the Vincaran nationalist movement, the mastermind behind an assassination, and super charismatic. (I can also see people shipping him with Commander Xarax, even though that is absolutely not canon. They were partners in founding the Vincaran Federation, not anything else.)
Minalla is a stern, no-nonsense middle aged woman in military authority. I know there are people out there who would want her to step on them.
D Tier:
Tradlak is kind of a blank slate. He's one of the empress' guards, and good at what he does. That's it.
Lareza had kids with Xeebec, and their marriage went belly-up. Not much else to say or work with. I suppose someone might try to write a fic in which they reconcile.
Lynzari is in two scenes, one of which never even names her. There isn't much to be a fan of, but she's got goth and emo vibes, so someone might be drawn to that.
Brialla is a batshit crazy old lady who talks to her dead husband and abuses her grandchildren. Enough said.
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dankusner · 7 months ago
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Good ol’ boy from Tuna, Texas
Joe Sears ain't just some queen who wears dresses
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TUNAMAN: Tony-award nominee Joe Sears says only a few of his characters — like Aunt Pearl Burras — are based on people he knows. The rest are created from his studious work as a serious actor.
By DANIEL KUSNER | Oct. 19, 2001
He's one-half of the comic duo that invented "Tuna" — Texas’ third-smallest town.
And when he slips on gowns, he becomes some of the most twangy women ever grace a stage.
Including...
• Aunt Pearl Burras, who poisons stray dogs; • Inita Goodwin, the shoot-from-the-lip Tastee Kreme waitress; • Bertha Bumiller, the mother who perfumes herself with a scent called Omaha Nights; • and Star Bird-Feather, a retrograde hippie chick who moved to Lubbock for spiritual enlightenment.
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With all the eccentric women he's portrayed, one might expect Joe Sears to exhibit an unconventional personality.
But deep-down, he's ol’-skool.
And when it comes to labels, Sears ain't overtly queer.
"I was never 'openly’ gay. I just quit participating. I come from a ranch-and-farm people. The Code of the West thing is — we don't wanna know. I've always respected that. Because they've always respected me. It's really a family thing," Sears explains.
The Sears Family dates back to 1860 Indian territory in Bartlesville, Okla.
He's part Cherokee. And his relatives presently live within five miles of that original settlement.
He believes the Sears kinfolk would rather Joe eschew detailing his sexy affairs.
"But they're not stupid," Sears points out. "I'm just very dedicated to an old way of life. I come from a happy family. And I never wished to upset that. Because it wasn't important for me to tell them. I'm not ashamed of that. And not everybody understands how I feel. Of course, I'm not the only one who feels this way."
However, Sears ain't shy about his loving admiration for the Bush family.
Back when George Senior was our 41st President, Sears and his creative partner, Jaston Williams, gave a Command Performance in Washington, D.C.
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"When we toured the White House with Mrs. Bush, she took us to the Lincoln Bedroom. And over in the corner is the handwritten pages of the Gettysburg Address. It's got a hunter-green cloth over it, which only the President and the first lady are allowed to remove. I think they're really cool people," he says.
Sears describes Barbara Bush as a "campy" individual, who’d get a twinkle in her eye when she talked about decorating one of her husband's White House offices.
"She had gone downstairs in the basement and rummaged through the Eisenhower curtains and put them in his upstairs office. And she had a chair reupholstered to match it. It was just the perfect Mamie Eisenhower-green with a 1950s floral design," Sears gushes.
"I was so impressed, I told her, 'Can I go down there and look in that thrift store?' The first lady had access to anything in that basement. And I just thought: Puh-leeze. Let's not go to the Lincoln Bedroom. Let's go to the basement!"
Sears shares the same affection for our current President.
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Dedication of Stars to Joe Sears and Jaston Williams: May 7, 1998.
"They put a star — my star — out on Congress Avenue in front of the Paramount Theater. At that time, he was Governor Bush. And he dedicated the star. It was fun. Because he scolded me for making fun of his mother. I used to tease Barbara Bush a lot," Sears says. "He was real funny. So I've liked the man from the very beginning."
Before Sears was giving performances for our nation’s leaders and coveting White House drapery, the performer — who's now in his 50s — paid his dues.
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After graduating from North Eastern State University, Sears moved to New York and landed scads of acting roles.
In the early '80s, while performing Shakespeare in San Antonio, he met Jaston Williams.
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Eventually, Sears and Williams teamed up and started working late-night comedy clubs and cabaret lounges on Sixth Street in Austin.
That's where many of the affectionate Tuna characters started to emerge.
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"Sixth Street was started by the hippies. It's where everybody hung out. The early clubs down there were laid-back. And full of poetry and Stevie Ray Vaughn... All the sudden we had a hit play running down there. And we kept expanding it. And we took it on tour," Sears remembers.
Only a few of Aunt Pearl’s mannerisms are reminiscent of one of Sears' relatives.
The rest of the Tuna residents evolved from his studious work as a serious character-actor.
Over the years, Sears has been received plenty of acting offers. But he doesn't accept many.
He's even been slated to work in film projects with Tommy Lee Jones and Robert De Niro.
"I have no film training. I can only do stage work. So if someone sees me able to do something, and I trust that, I might do it. Several producer friends of mine have asked me about contemporary films. And I've declined. But I tell them, 'You can call me when you have a period costume-piece, like Gladiator. Because I'm a classically trained actor," he confidently says.
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"I think that's a good career move. Because I enjoy the stage work more. I make more money onstage. And it's okay. Because when I get to be an older man, maybe then someone’ll need a Wilford Brimley type. You never know."
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Ever since his 1995 Tony Best Actor nomination (which Ralph Fiennes won for Hamlet), Sears says he's not going back to Broadway until he feels the right project crosses his path.
Another tempting offer that he turned down was to play Divine's role in the musical version of Hairspray.
"If I have to go back to Broadway in a dress, I'm going to do it for a Tuna play. But to go back in a dress as someone else? It says some- thing about your career and where you're going. And we don't do that as actors. We're very careful about that. So I didn't want to be associated as an actor who only played women. But I'll do it with Tuna," he says.
He does have at least one return-to-Broadway dream.
"One of my goals is to maybe talk Kathy Bates into doing Come Back Little Sheeba. It's about a lonely housewife and her drunken husband. And I want to play the drunken husband to Kathy Bates playing Little Sheeba. She's perfect for it," Sears says. "I've always wanted to play the husband who's a gentle, loving alcoholic who turns mean. It's a powerful role. Those are the kinds of things I want to do. And 'doing Divine' was just not a stretch for me on Broadway. Once you're invited to be a part of that family up there, you have to take care of it."
Joe Sears and Jaston Williams perform Red White and Tuna Oct. 23-29 with performances at 8 p.m. Tuesday-Saturday and 7 p.m. on Sunday at the Majestic Theatre, 1925 Elm St. Tickets $16- $42. 972-298-3110.
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Laughing at ourselves through ��Greater Tuna’
If you wanted to bottle small-town Texas, while refining all its peculiarities into the biggest laughs, perhaps the purest product would be “A Tuna Christmas,” the best of the “Greater Tuna” tales.
Born as improvised Austin party skits, the loosely structured “Greater Tuna” grew into an alternative theater phenomenon, followed by tours of the state’s biggest and grandest theaters, with a village of characters made flesh by Jaston Williams and Joe Sears, who also penned much of the series.
The second show, “A Tuna Christmas,” tightened the story, deepened the characters, and gave audiences, now accustomed to its loving, yet razor-sharp parodies of small-town life, a chance to openly giggle and guffaw at the denizens tiny Tuna, Texas.
When it played Broadway, Sears was nominated for a Tony Award for Best Actor in a Play.
The following two scripts in the series, however, did not live up to the project’s promise.
Independently, Williams and Sears have gone on to explore other aspects of Southwestern culture, as well as plays that have little to do with Texas, but those of us who remember the waves of love and joy that visited each sold-out performance of “A Tuna Christmas” will count ourselves lucky to have been there — and to understand our state just a bit better
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luciernagadelencanto · 1 year ago
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Nina's Story TV Tropes
Had some fun putting together a list of Tropes that might be found in Nina and Bruno's storyline.
Because why not. XD
A Mistake Is Born: A character is unwanted by their family or the character is unplanned.
Relative Ridicule: Making fun of someone's family members, or mocking them for whom they are related to.
Give the Baby a Father: A woman is pregnant and a man who's not the father proposes to her to protect her honor in a society that frowns on sex/conception outside of marriage. (Nina's "step"father steps up)
Bespectacled Cutie: A sweet bespectacled character that's adorable because of their glasses.
Blind Without 'Em: A character who wears glasses can't see a thing without them on.
Glasses Are Sexy: (more accurately, The Glasses Stay On)
Animal Lover
Beautiful Singing Voice: A character is acknowledged in-universe as having a great singing voice.
Friendship Trinket: (Necklace of a piece of vision tablet from Bruno, she wears every day after her quinces, even before realizing her feelings are romantic)
Accidental Hand-Hold: Moment where two characters end up locking hands with each other when they reach for the same item.
Age-Gap Romance: Romance where one partner is notably older or younger than the other.
Anchored Ship: A potential romantic pairing that's been put on hold.
Manic Pixie Dream Girl: attractive, energetic, high on life, full of wacky quirks and idiosyncrasies (generally including childlike playfulness). Obsessed with our hero, on whom she will focus her kuh-razy antics until he learns to live freely and love madly.
Rebellious Spirit: A character who doesn't abide by the rules.
Black Sheep
Small Town, Big Hell: has its own drama since everyone knows each other, and so when something happens (usually something bad), the whole town gets the news and everyone takes sides
There Are No Therapists
Oblivious to Love: (Bruno is oblivious to the fact that she's in love with him)
The Chaste Hero: (Her future partner, Bruno, really)
Will They or Won't They?
Animal Motif/Animal Metaphor: (Fireflies, additionally sometimes goats)(in love with someone with many rats)
Color Motif: (Green to match love interest, represents strangeness, down-to-earth nature, connection to main animal motif)
Motif Merger: (Both wear green, hourglasses and infinity symbols look similar, though represent seemingly opposite things, till you turn it on its side.)
Symbol Motif Clothing: (Infinity symbols and fireflies) (Bruno wears hourglasses)
Leitmotif: (If she had one, it'd be pan pipes with spanish guitar)
Single Woman Seeks Good Man
She Is All Grown Up
Secret Relationship
Happily Married: (eventually)
If It's You, It's Okay: A lover who defies usual gender preferences.
Outdoorsy Gal: A girl who would rather play outside than inside.
Tomboy with a Girly Streak: A tomboy with possibly a girly interest or two.
Single-Target Sexuality: (Bruno is demisexual)
Cute Bruiser: Cute, young/youthful-appearing character (often female) capable of kicking ass and taking a hit.
Dude, She's A Lesbian: A person is informed that the person he is hitting on is gay. (While Nina's actually Bi, she is more promiscuous with women in her youth, leading her love interest to believe she is lesbian)
Archnemesis Dad: (Birth father is a terrible person, and eventually finds the crack in the mountain, returning and meeting his daughter.)
I Am Not My Father
Cool Aunt: (Becomes the cool aunt with no kids of her own)
Family Business: (Family owns/runs a farm)
Why Did It Have to Be Snakes?: I've got a very specific phobia that I'm too scared to even talk about! (Water, she will not swim)
Not Wanting Kids Is Weird: (Ridiculed for inability to/disinterest in having children)
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ancient-cats-unite · 2 years ago
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Dancing with The Devil
Fiend Cat and Bellydancer have a nice dance on the beach.
Gato Amigo shook his maracas.
"Chica! You are in amor!"
The whole dance cats grouped up around Bellydancer. Bellydancer held a Slime Cat, the emotional support. It mewled as she squished it.
Recently Fiend Cat asked her out to dance. The dance cats were absolutely behind this, but it all came down to Bellydancer after all. They knew the devilish cat had his eye on her ever since the Aku invaded.
"I dunno.. what if I'm reading the signs wrong?"
Can Can popped open a beer bottle. Midchug, he bluntly stated.
"This dude has straight up invited you to dance. ALONE. Either hes going to assasinate you or make out with you."
Bellydancer shot up.
"Fiend Cat would NEVER, hes not that type of man. If he is however, Slime Cat'll protect me."
"Plbb!!"
Slime Cat lapped Bellydancer's paw. The group laughed.
"But, honest question, how do you.. say it?"
Dancer nodded.
"Luckily for you, I have proper advice. Just wait until the time is right, highlight exactly why you fell for him, and say that you want to take things closer."
"And make out! Tell me if you have any kits! I wanna be an aunt!"
Can Can flailed in front of Dancer.
"You can always be my senõrita if it doesn't work!"
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Gato Amigo danced on Dancer. Danception.
"Okay! But um.. what if he doesn't like the 'real' me?"
An awkward silence stilled through the room. Bellydancer had a rocky transition and didn't want to be seen as lesser because of it. Dancer Cat pat her on the back.
"Honestly, if he doesn't, thats his problem. You're beautiful no matter what."
"Yeah! Keep being sexy as hell sister!"
Can Can finished up her bottle, pumping her paw up.
"Go get ready! Its almost samba time!!1!!!"
Gato Amigo shook his maracas. With enough confidence, Bellydancer got up to change into her nicest dress. The dance cats left to go fulfil other needs.
Fiend Cat was perched on a rock at sea, with multiple Mer Cats doing his hair. Seafafer swam with Cameraman on his raft. Lil Fishes were skimming in the water and a Frog Cat in Fiend's claws.
Fiend Cat was hooked on that dancer. After his pact, the only joy he felt was from her. Recently the fish cats set him up on a nice dance on the beach. If things go well, who knows?
"Our best work! She'll love!"
Fiend's hair was neatly braided into a bun. Seaweed and little flowers were interwoven. The Mer Cats admired the sheepish Fiend Cat.
"Good work girls. What do you think froggy?"
"Bleh!"
Frog Cat stuck her toungue on a Mer Cat's forehead. She was warped straight to hell.
"Good point. Gah, will she show?"
Seafarer began fishing into the murky sea, in deep thought.
"I sent her the invite, warrior of the sea. Fishman will be here soon with your suit."
"And she better show up! I worked hard on the decorations! Maybe I'll get this on my blog.."
Cameraman took a photo. The beach patio was decorated with fairy lights and flower baskets. The radio was playing soft romance tunes into the sunset.
Fishman splashed out of the water, catching the warped Mer Cat. She thrashed around before being returned to the sea. Fishman gave a paw up.
"I got your suit! Get changed! Its on the shore."
Fiend Cat was a bit saddened all of a sudden. Seafarer took notice.
"Something the matter?"
"Well, I just don't want her to be disgusted by me, y'know? My whole trans thing?"
Fiend said, insecure. Fishman swam over, stroking gently.
"The cat army is gay and soon enough humanity will be too. We're pretty accepting of this thing."
"You haven't changed from the cat you used to be, at least for the worst. We still care for your being, no matter your personal identity. Your cousins agree too."
Seafarer oared over while the Mer Cats began nuzzling Fiend affectionately.
With enough courage, Fiend Cat got off his rock. He was interrupted by Cameraman tugging on his cloth.
"Hey cousin, whats up? Last minute pep talk?"
Cameraman got on her paws, pulled Fiend close, and said.
"If you dont marry this girl into our family, I fucking will. That is a threat."
Seafarer fell into the water. The Mer Cats started to scream in confusion. Frog Cat stuck her own tounge onto itself and warped away. Fiend Cat mustered out a blank:
"...WHAT."
"Kidding, kidding! But seriously, go get that dancer."
Cameraman pat him on the back. Fiend Cat sighed, heading to shore. He waved back at the fish cats, and the went their seperate ways.
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Dancer got a phone call from Cameraman.
"We're in the endgame. Fiend's nervous so hes being extra careful. Is Bellydancer ready?"
"Yeah. Couple hours and they'll be married!"
"We can hope. Slime Cat is with her?"
"Slimy boi has been deployed. Frog Cat too?"
"All set! Can't wait for the surprise.."
End Call.
___________________________________________________
//These bitches gay! Good for them. Been a while since I posted something. My art program shut down, sadly, so no asks yet.//
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aqueerchronicle · 4 years ago
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Domestic wayhaught (like homestead chores)
-Waverly and Nicole split the chores up pretty evenly.
-Waves is organized but Nicole is neat and tidy. 
-Waves hates doing the dishes so Nicole always does them for her to save her the trouble. (even though nobody really likes doing the dishes)
-Waves does all the laundry for them, folding them perfectly and color coordinating the closet. (I feel like she has so many clothes, different colors and fabrics, she needs to take care of them just so)
-She doesn’t use a dryer, instead she hangs them on a clothes line to dry.  Firstly because it’s better for the environment and because it makes the clothes “smell of sunshine” (This might be more Dom than Waverly but I see similarities shine through)
-Waverly irons Nicole’s uniform for her.  a few shirts had to die in order for her to get the hang of it. 
-They take turns cooking but more often than not they end up working together
-Waverly prefers baking
-Nicole prefers cooking 
-Waverly makes sure there’s a fresh cup of coffee for Nicole every morning  Nicole makes the bed for her and Waverly (She always seems to forget)
-Waves handles most of the interior decorating (with Wynonna and Nicole's opinions here and there. They always like opposite things. She sides with Nicole…usually)
-If anything breaks, Nicole tries to fix it before she even entertains calling in somebody else (plumber, carpenter etc.)
-Waves listens to music dances around while she vacuums 
-They have a collection of bonus blankets (at the homestead and at Nicole’s now too)
-Calamity Jane has taken a liking to Waverly. It’s kinda like she’s hers now too
-They can’t sleep apart now. 
-Waverly finds herself doodling in her notebook “Waverly Earp-Haught” “Waverly Haught-Earp” “Waverly Haught”  
-Nicole can’t help but think about what Waverly would look like with a baby on her hip. 
-They’ve done it on pretty much every surface in the Homestead at this point.
  -This directly defies canon but oh well Nicole always drives. (okay she didn’t in 04x04 but maybe Waves wanted to drive after a year and a half of being away? I still think Nicole does 99% of the driving) One hand on the wheel, one hand holding Waverly’s 
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shititbe · 4 years ago
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Anyway, Peter Parker is Bi, and I Won’t Be Convinced Otherwise.
Firstly, we have to get our bases covered. What exactly is Bi-sexuality? What is sexuality? 
Sexuality is defined as a persons identity in relation to gender(s) they are attracted to. Why is this important? Peter’s sexuality has never been specifically stated in the comics, nor in any other form of media. It’s assumed that he is straight because of his popular relationship with Mary Jane Watson in the comics, and the movies. 
Now that we have a bases for what exactly sexuality is and how it’s defined, let’s go over Peter’s partners. 
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Obviously Peter and Mary Jane are a piece of comic book history. They eventually get married, though sadly, during the events of Civil War II (I think, don’t quote me) Peter and Mary Jane sell their marriage to Mephisto in order to save Aunt May
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They later had their memories of their marriage restored, they have yet to get back together and it’s been a few issues if I remember correctly. Next we have Peter’s first, and most unfortunate love, Gwen Stacy. 
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They dated in high school where she later died. Of course, Peter has dated other people (namely, Black Cat, Betty Brant, Carol Danvers, Anna Maria, Cindy Moon, Lian Tang, and so on). Since we have his known history of heterosexuality out there, we need to move onto another important part of Peter’s Bi-sexuality. An important implication in any media, especially queer media though, and that is the homoerotic subtext. 
Homoerotic subtext is important part of queer culture, a lot of the time it’s used to portray a characters queerness without saying it out (see: Dorian Gray by Oscar Wild or Great Gatsby By Fitz). In current decade, homoerotic subtext is often used for queer baiting or creating more realistic male friendships. 
So what’s the difference between someone creating a health male friendship (or a character comfortable in their heterosexuality) and implying a character is queer? 
Here are some examples of a healthy male character, both with himself and his friendships.  
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Clearly he’s just taking the shit, and messing around with Reed. He’s comfortable enough (or as I like to see it, so traumatized because good god this guy has been Spider-Man since he was 15 good god that’s awful. He probably doesn’t care anymore). Here are some examples of Peter a little more than just a straight man shooting the shit. 
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This has three meanings. Two of which I will take, one of which is just deeply embarrassing. Despite Peter’s history with humiliating events, I don’t think he would get his own spunk in his eyes. Leaving the other two options, he has experience getting spunk of - some kind - in his eyes, and/or he’s taking the shit again. Which is very likely. 
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Kissing a cop? For....no reason? A little not so hetero of you Peter. 
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You can practically hear his disappointment in his voice. Also could be read as taking the shit, but why would you. 
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Making out with The Thing? Gay. 
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This one is the most important. Peter is clearly tired, annoyed by his teammates (see wolverine being wolverine in the corner). Shits on fire, its mid battle, and Peter has the audacity to mutter “I hate men” to himself. The only people I have every heard say this in that was are lgbt and straight women, and lgbt men. This kind of expression only comes from people who date, or deal with men in a completely different world than straight men. Straight men use this phrase as an endearment, “Oh have you seen Bill today, I hate that guy.” “Man Jerry can do so many push-ups, I hate that guy.” Very different language, and implications (I also, obviously don’t know how straight men speak). 
 Now that we’ve gone over our bases, and homoerotic subtext. How else could we gather that Peter Parker is Bi? There are many tropes in media - queer media - that allure to a characters queerness. Like homoerotic subtext, there are ways to tell an audience something without specifically saying it. 
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This is a gay wedding Peter went to in the recent comics. I don’t know if any of you have been to a gay wedding recently, but Peters face (the first panel above the wedding) is the same exact face I made at my first gay wedding. It’s the face of excitement for not only the couple, but for yourself. The hope that maybe, you too can actually be in a same-sex relationship. 
I’m also going to allure to queer tropes as stated previously. Such as the real, and fictional trope of lgbt people sticking together. Thousands of years of belittlement and oppression will make groups of people not want to wonder out, and subconsciously look for others like them. 
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Johnny Storm (and Wade Wilson since he comes in later but I couldn’t find a picture of the confirmation) is cannon Bi-sexual (Pan-sexual). 
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Their friendship is deeply homoerotic as most queer friendships in media and real life are. Johnny flirts with Peter on many occasions (saying his ideal women is a female version of Peter, inviting him over to watch is sex tape, and so on) and of course oh my god they were roommates. 
Some other popular queer tropes are: Found Family, Soulmates, and Enemies to lovers. Because it’s superhero related, this includes the Identity Porn tag as well.  
Peter Parker and Wade Wilson have a famous Love/Hate relationship. I mean, how could you expect anything less when your first meeting with this known mercenary is him throwing your civilian persona out the window of a car. Now, Wade still doesn’t know Peter is Spider-Man in the current run of comics, but that doesn’t make anything about them any less gay. 
For the Found Family Trope: 
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Because it’s Peter and Wade, their whole development can be read as Enemies to Friends to Lovers, so I wont bother backing that up because, uh, it speaks for itself. One panel really does to add that cause though 
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I’m not going to explain what a free-pass list is.
The Soulmates part I know I have to back up. 
For SoulMates:  
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Now this panel requires a little explanation. Wade kills Peter, not knowing he’s Spider-Man. Weasel takes over for Peter (they don’t know its him) so no one suspects he’s dead. Deadpool begins to feel guilty he killed his best buds best bud, so he tries to bring Peter back to life. Losing his stunning good looks (switching back to how he looked before Weapon X making his wife Shiklah estranged (then she married Dracula but thats beside the point)). Spider-Man is Peter’s “true self” or patronus for Harry Potter fans. Wade is stupid and hasn’t connected the dots yet, effectively making him the biggest simp in history. Seriously, who destroys their marriage for the c h a n c e for getting some with their idol? A Simp, that’s who.
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Peter forgives Wade for killing him (and for saving him from killing their genetic daughter itsy-bitsy). If someone killed me they better be hot as fuck before I even thing about forgiving them. Ignoring Peter’s super sexy forgiving nature, uh, he’s kinda simping. 
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Died in each others arms. Nothing else is needed. 
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They’re heartmates. From what I read, the feeling has to be mutual in order for it to work. The witches (long story, comics are hard to explain) that captured deadpool were expecting his wife so they could get the headmistress back. Instead, they got Peter. Basically Heartmates = soulmates but chosen for you instead of chosen by you. 
To conclude my point: 
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Thank you for coming to my TED Talk. 
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bigfan-fanfic · 3 years ago
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Tight Pants (Male!Reader x Scott Lang)
Requested by anonymous for “Just to continue the tight pants trend, how about one with Scott? Maybe Scott ended up with them as a gag gift, maybe from Luis along with some complex story about why, and his bf just eggs him on to actually try them.”
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“Damn! Scotty, come on, admit it, those are gonna be IT!” you hear Luis’ voice shouting, before a spluttering noise from your boyfriend.
“Luis, it’s a damn Speedo! Guys don’t buy other guys Speedos, it’s just not something that’s done!”
“Scotty, it’s 2021. Guys can buy other guys Speedos now, it’s like getting each other condoms.”
You hear Kurt’s voice responding in his accent. “Yes. Is true. Especially if you are swimmer.”
Then Dave pipes up. “Nah, I don’t think so. A Speedo’s gotta be something you let a man’s girlfriend or his boyfriend buy him. You don’t buy your boy a Speedo.”
“Can we please stop talking about the Speedo my friend bought me?” Scott pleads. “I just want you to take it out of here before Y/N tries to make me wear it.”
“What? You think your boyfriend won’t like the thong I picked out for you? What’s the matter, you think I got bad taste or something? Do you think I got bad taste, Scotty?”
You decide to put your boyfriend out of his misery. “I’d love to see what you chose, Luis.”
Luis grins at you and then gives Scott a “see” look. He glances up at you.
“Normally I wouldn’t be getting Speedos for anybody, you know what I’m saying? But look, my cousin Raul came out as gay last month - it was at my aunt’s third wedding and we found him kissing the wedding singer dude - and he and my cousin - my other cousin Ernesto - went to visit his new clothing shop, you know, to support him as family. So Ernesto and I are looking around this place and Ernesto is like, ‘Dude, you know this is a gay store, right?’ and I tell him “just cause a gay guy runs it doesn’t mean it’s a gay store,’ and then he points out that we’re in a place that sells assless chaps and so I tell him assless chaps aren’t always gay and I go and buy a pair, and he doesn’t wanna be homophobic so he gets a pair and then we go through the store and I buy a couple Speedos and a leather harnessy thing - I gave that to my buddy Stanley - and then Raul comes up to us and he’s like, ‘dude, why are you buying so much?’ and Ernesto is like, “we’re making a statement,’ and I think ‘hey, my boy Scotty could use an update on his wardrobe, what’s the in stuff for gay dudes now?’ and Ernesto tells me ‘these Speedos are all the rage’ and I say ‘my boy Scotty only just came out and I don’t wanna scare him off’ and Ernesto tells me ‘ooh, your boy Scotty’s gay? I have a coworker who’s single,�� so I say ‘Nah, Scotty’s got a man already’ and Ernesto says ‘solids are gonna be your best bet’ so Ernesto and I both get a pair of red Speedos to give to our gay bros, and that’s about it.”
You’re always slightly stunned after one of Luis’ long-winded fast-paced tales.
But after a few blinks, you nod. “Okay, then. Come on, Scott. Let’s see em.”
Scott glances at his friends. “Okay, see you guys around!”
Kurt pouts. “But is Takeout Thursday and we eat together.”
Dave nods. “It’s tradition, man. Come on, we’re not gonna look or anything. Just hurry up and try the damn Speedos on for your man.”
You grin. “Thanks, boys. Go ahead and order the works. We feast like kings!”
Scott sighs as he follows you to the bedroom. “They’re gonna be here all night.”
You chuckle. “Your punishment for trying to take the sight of my sexy boyfriend in a Speedo from me.”
Scott laughs a little and gives you the worst striptease ever - mainly because he’s dancing all goofy and grinning and totally ruining the mood, but even so you have to admit he looks amazing under his clothes.
He groans a little from the bathroom and you stand in concern. “What’s wrong?”
Scott groans again. “Luis doesn’t know my size is what’s wrong. They’re way too tight.”
You open the door and ogle him - they may be super tight but they frame his ass and package perfectly, making him look ultra sexy. “Keep em on.”
He chuckles. “Not a problem. I think we’ll have to cut them off.”
You kiss him and he hums happily. “Think you can make it til they leave?”
“Depends. What’s at stake here?”
“Me tearing those things off you with my teeth.”
Scott’s mouth falls open. “Keepin’ em on, then.”
You kiss his cheek and smack his butt. “Put on some clothes and come on out, Scott. We got a long night ahead.”
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komatsunana · 3 years ago
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well.... you know that I have read your OT3 fic with Ren- Hachi and Nana and fell in love with it. so if you have ANY um literally anything you want to share about their relationship? spare me some headcanons please? ANYONE WHO HASN'T READ IT MUST READ IT BTW also: what kind of gay am i? 😈 okay byee
:3c
Nothing in life more satisfying than dragging someone down into a rare pair. Ngl that series of one-shots in which I get to come up with a bunch of ridiculous ships has been really fun to write, but this one is chapter 6 for anyone wondering.
ANYWAY, headcanons. I can do headcanons. Especially since you returned the favor for the other great OT3 (Nana/Ren/Yasu) here... Cause ngl, our OT3 combined into the best OT4. (also rip sorry I am finally posting this like a month later flsjdfksdfjsldj)
- Hachi has the softest, smoothest skin ever and Ren and Nana both love touching it, always touching her cheeks, stomach, underarm, boobs, etc.  When Hachi overhears them talking about it she thinks they are calling her fat (idk, maybe true) but really it’s thanks to her skin care routine and all her nice lotions.
- Ren and Hachi both have their own shampoos and bodywash, but Nana never bothers getting her own and just grabs one of theirs at random.
- Hachi buys Ren’s clothes for him, because a closet of 10 identical leather jackets and pants just isn’t necessary.  It’s still his aesthetic, but he doesn’t look like a Sid Vicious cosplay everyday... but he’s still got to at least occasionally because that’s what Nana’s into him for.
- Both Ren and Nana are absolute hot for Hachi wearing either of their clothes.  She doesn’t do it often, cause Hachi’s got a bigger wardrobe than her rock star combined so why would she need to??? But sometimes... she does it anyway. Nana pretends to be mad.
- Ren and Nana get Hachi her dream house - with a garden, fencing, veranda, walk-in closet, and a kitchen fit for a professional cook.  They’d have been content living in a shitty apartment or any generic nice suite their agents set them up in and decorated for them but living in a cozy home is like... the stuff of their childhood dreams. At first Ren and Nana are content to let Hachi decorate it all to her heart’s desires but she keeps asking them their opinion and they all kinda get into it and Nana even builds some of their furniture at Hachi’s request.  They make it into a real home and Ren and Nana make sure to never smoke inside the house because they love it too much.
- After they get that house, they host so many parties with their friends. Hachi is a perfect hostess and Ren gets really into it too. Meanwhile Nana is making half the mess as she gets too drunk.
- Hachi and Ren make most of their meals, but Nana almost always makes their miso soup at Ren’s request and Hachi’s dismay. Nana’s taste remain very salty and Nana tends to add more salt to Hachi’s food to an insulting degree.
- At first they have Hachi sleep in the middle of the bed but she’s like this is too fucking hot here (and also she’s 100% the type to pee a couple times in the middle of the night) so Ren takes the middle and he loves it, especially when both Hachi and Nana cuddle him on either side.
- idk if we’re in my AU or just general canon, but either way when Ren retires he becomes a stay-at-home dad to all 3 of their kids and he loves it.  He teaches them all instruments and everything and they can make their own little band.
- Biologically the children are Hachi & Ren’s, and for Nana’s comfort they call her the kid’s aunt (even if she is as equally their partner) and Nana’s a better guardian to the kids than if she’d call herself their mom.  She’s the best auntie, but she’s also the strictest. 
- Shin still plays house with Hachi as his mommy and Ren as dad but Nana will end his life if he includes her in any of these games but that doesn’t stop Hachi and Ren from doing so anyway but only Hachi gets away with it.
- Ren and Nana alone aren’t very publicly affectionate with each other unless the situation demands it, but the moment it’s either of them with Hachi (or all 3 of them together) it’s PDA time. Nobu claims he’s in hell watching them all flirt constantly and be lovey dovey but he’s honestly just happy to see Ren and Nana so happy.  Yasu’s kinda into watching the 3 of them... ot4 for the win
- Ren and Nana love being part of the Komatsu family. Sometimes the Komatsu’s threaten to disown Hachi and Nami and replace them for Ren and Nana cause they love them back it’s what Ren and Nana always dreamed of their like, dream family dynamic. It’s so wholesome.
all head canons that are even a little sexy below the cut
- Even tho Hachi makes her own money and has a successful career doing whatever she wants to be doing, Ren and Nana both give her credit cards in each of their names and she they give her no limits which might be a bad idea but Hachi is a spoiled little princess.  Ren and Nana also compete to see who’s credit card Hachi uses more, sugar daddy kinks awoken.
- Hachi tapes dramas for Ren and Nana to watch. Nana mostly watches them casually and nap to but Ren’s like INTO them and makes references to them constantly and remembers all the character’s names and all the juicy drama. Sometimes Ren will remember a drama is on and stop in the middle of even sex to go watch. Hachi will go join him while Nana will be like wtf and finish herself off before also joining him to watch.
- We all know Ren and Nana's favorite way of spending time together is sex, and you'd think Hachi would dial that back a little cause she likes romance but of course she's also a sex kitten. Also she's hot in the sack, as established, and she's generally the one who’s like “3rd round?” and Nana and Ren are like passed out.
- Sometimes Nana and Ren call Hachi mommy in bed and that’s all that needs to be said.
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boop-le-snoot · 4 years ago
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PARTY FAVOURS I CHAPTER 23
First time reader click here
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TW/Summary: brucetony x reader PRON. You have finally reached the point where there is real ✨spice✨. Also, m/m kissing. There will be mild m/m action from now on in the fic. I cannot stay away from the gay and I refuse to apologize. Brucetony nation how we feelin'?
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I padded quietly behind the glass divider, stripping off my lab coat and protective glasses to deposit them on the nearest flat surface. My joints popped as I stretched.
Bruce and I spent a lot of time in the lab together lately as Tony and Pete worked together on the kid's Spider Suit, something that was a tad above my level of understanding. I was much better with chemicals and cell division than I was with thermonuclear physics, me and Pete were two sides of the same coin. It was only recently that I had noticed exactly how much our respective science fields of choice complemented each other and it was a blessing that Tony and Bruce made us a little corner in their respective labs, a few square feet where I and Pete could literally do anything we wanted to.
A year ago, I would have said that science is a hobby of mine and not something I wanted to do full time. I was fully prepared to commit to medical or law school, to grow into a prestigious career that would multiply my wealth and acquire me friends in high places. My parents certainly expected me to continue cultivating the image of our family empire.
I wasn't so sure anymore. Tony and Bruce were so fucking happy in their little worlds, getting lost in their labs for days on end, creating, reinventing the world every single day. There weren't any words meaningful enough to describe how it made me feel, seeing my two men just vibing in their element. It seemed glaringly stupid the most famous thing they were for was the superhero side-gig they had, they were so much more than cannon fodder planet Earth considered them to be.
At some point during the night, Tony called for Bruce to assist him with a new feature on his suit, a kind of a very condensed, targeted explosive. These days Tony didn't hold back from discussing Stark trade secrets around me anymore, so I sent Bruce on his merry way and finished his tasks for him, carefully replicating his style of taking notes and observing the reactions. As usual, Friday ran most of the calculations so my brain wasn't muddled too much by annoying math. Out of four of us, Peter was the only crazy person to actually like doing the math - the spider bite must've screwed with his brains, I guess.
I would've been content to just hang back and observe the men thinking, but Bruce took notice of me hovering by the exit. The scientist froze and just looked back at me for a minute, eyes round and soft. I missed the exact moment my mouth curved into a warm smile and the time Bruce's goofy grin made an appearance.
"You done, Princess?" He asked, gesturing to his lab.
I nodded, padding over to him, easily settling into the warmth of his open arms. Tony smiled at me briefly, distracted by the equations on the holo-screens, reaching over to peck me on the cheek, not minding Bruce at all. Strangely enough, both men fit around me so easily, so naturally, I wondered if they'd planned this... Relationship. What were the chances of such a perfect fit for three people? Meanwhile, Bruce's other arm wrapped around Tony's shoulders and the engineer willingly fell into the embrace beside me.
"Keep it PG," Peter mumbled, eyeing the same equations with an annoyed stupor. Tony hummed, poking at the screen a bit.
"It's 2:30 AM, guys," I said, casting a glance at Pete who stubbornly rubbed his eyes but continued thinking so damn loudly. I could practically hear the sound of his brain overheating. "Spiders need sleep too," I reached over to poke Pete's arm.
"Shit, kid," Tony switched to concerned dad mode almost instantly, rubbing his face. "Go to bed. We'll finish tomorrow."
"I almost have it figured out," Peter refused to budge, frowning.
"I am one text away from Spidermom at all times," I threatened him, giggling, referring to Natasha's murder glare all of them were going to be subjected to should she find out Pete skipped on sleep in favor of science. Nat had some strong opinions regarding a healthy lifestyle for one Peter Parker.
"Spidermom," Pete scoffed but stood up nonetheless, blearily blinking his shiny eyes in the fluorescent lights of Tony's lab. "That makes you either my Spider-aunt or Spider-sibling," He sleepily made his way to hug me, embracing all three of us in the process. Peter's coordination was far from stellar when he was tired.
"I'm not one of the Spider Gang. I'm the..." I trailed off, unsure. Where exactly did I fit in? "I'm the human embodiment of Florida, a freeloader hippy aunt that shows up randomly with pot brownies. That, yes," My own brain was tired and not making much sense either.
Tony snorted. "Hot hippy aunt," His hand made way to my butt, giving it a discreet grope.
"It's not easy being the family disappointment but yet, here I am," I quoted a meme, high-fiving Peter on his way out. "So, Irondad confirmed," I raised an eyebrow at Tony who rolled his eyes, pulling me against his chest once the door behind Pete closed.
Bruce sighed, removing his glasses and letting them dangle freely around his neck, pushing them up against my back as he hugged me from behind, securely pressing me in between him and Tony. My body began to respond, a warm sensation spreading through my limbs and culminating at the side of my neck where Bruce pressed feather-light kisses along my jugular and up towards my ear.
Tony's lips captured my own, dry and chapped, moving lazily as if all three of us had all the time in the world. His calloused hand stroked my face, occasionally dipping to rake through Bruce's curls. The scientist himself was stroking my skin, hands slowly but surely making their way under the hem of Stephen's hoodie, tracing my hipbones. I couldn't resist doing the same to Tony, palming his back and sneaking a handful of his ass, making him chuckle into the kiss.
"Mind the goods," The engineer teased, parting briefly to chuck off his shirt carelessly. His jeans, belt-less, hung low on his hips, the prominent V looking as delicious as the most gourmet chocolate cake. My eyes followed the happy trail on their own accord, hands reaching out to pull him back towards me. Tony happily obliged, watching Bruce unzip my hoodie with sparkling eyes.
"I can't help myself. Why man have round butt if not for squish?" I squinted at him playfully, shrugging off the sleeves and relishing in the feeling of Bruce, shirtless and warm, resting his head on my shoulder.
"I have to agree," The scientist chuckled thoughtfully, both of us smirking at Tony who smoldered in response, all but bursting with smugness. "Bed?" Bruce inquired.
"Lab sex," Tony replied gleefully, steering us towards the bigger, sturdier tables in the back. Because, at the end of the day, Tony was Tony.
Bruce looked at me questioningly. I shrugged. "Lab sex," Before turning over and kissing him, faster and harder than last time. It was familiar and easy, the flow we had was amazing and it never once crossed my mind to be ashamed or apprehensive in the presence of my two men.
The chemistry between us three was intoxicating: they kept throwing small, appreciative glances at each other. Tony's eyes lingered on Bruce's strong arms, the scientist eyeing the engineer's chest and lips in turn.
My bra and panties were disposed of quickly, flying over our heads together with Tony's jeans; I palmed the visible erection while gasping into his mouth, licking my way into it lustfully. Bruce groaned behind me, my feverish kisses still fresh on his own lips, grinding into my ass with controlled movements. I couldn't resist moving with him, arching my back into his touch. The fingers along my spine left shockwaves in their wake.
Following the directions of my arms, Tony hopped onto the table, invitingly spreading his legs. My mouth watered - his thighs were absolutely fucking massive and kept me up at night more times than I'd cared to count. I wanted to bury my face in them, so bad.
"How do you wanna do this?" Bruce asked from behind me, having made quick work of the remainder of his clothes.
The warmth of his cock rubbed against my thighs. "God gave me three holes for a reason," I sassed, swallowing a moan. My next attempt at the very same thing wasn't as successful: Tony gasped at my words, something quiet and lewd, taking hold of my hair like he knew I loved, and steered my face in the direction of his cock. I mouthed at the wet spot on his boxers obediently, pushing my ass back towards the already naked scientist. Bruce was anything if not practical in disposing of his clothes.
He was not in a rush. Damn him, damn his self-control and damn both these sexy-ass, big-brained dorks. They wound me up so well with just a few gentle touches and words, doing nothing but mirroring each other's smug smirks over the top of my head. In a rush to enact some revenge, because I was a spiteful little shit, my fingers hastily peeled off Tony's boxers and went straight for the thing I knew made his eyes roll into the back of his skull.
"Fuck," As I predicted, Tony's eyes fluttered shut as he cursed and I made my way down his length, taking as much as I could of it in my mouth without warm-up. Tony's cock was absolutely delicious, thick and flushed.
Bruce hummed, running his fingers down the cleft of my ass and feeling at the dampness collected at my core, hot and sticky arousal that had me rubbing back onto his digits, needy. Two of his fingers slipped in with ease as he worked me open for his thick cock - Bruce knew how to take care of me, he felt the little spasms of my cunt as it greedily accepted the intrusion. "So good, baby girl," He cooed. I could feel the burn of his stare on my head as I bobbed it up and down on Tony's cock at a moderate pace.
There was no rush. Just three people enjoying themselves. Tony leaned back, on one hand, using the other to keep my hair out of my face, arc reactor illuminating the trio of us, giving his pleasure-filled face an ethereal tint. It became that much more surreal when his eyes met Bruce's: the sparkles only grew in quantity.
My moan, as Bruce slid inside of me with one smooth thrust, made Tony's thighs tense up and quiver. I was loud, always so, so the more Bruce rutted into me, the more desperate and breathy Tony became, feeling the vibrations around his cock, his hips meeting my mouth half-way. As soon as clever fingers touched my clit, I was done for, spasming around both men.
"Fuck, that's so good," Tony slurred, tightening his hold on me to the point of his knuckles turning white.
Bruce quickened, ever so responsive little groans leaving his mouth. "Hear that, Princess? Tony loves it," He purred encouragingly, making me grip Tony's thighs in desperation. The rumbly tone of Bruce's voice, coarse and rushed, was making me feel hotter than before; Tony groaned too, evidently having had the very same conclusion. Both men resonated each other's lust like an echo chamber, back and forth, until a cacophony of lewd grunts and moans was all that made sense. I was stuck in the middle of our combined longing, full and full.
My brain retreated, uncharacteristically quiet, leaving just the bare naked need to feel. So I did, I basked in the shared waves of bliss that didn't seem to end. I felt Tony fall first: the sound made it's way out of his chest, long and low, as he spilled in my mouth, twitching and pulsating, ropes of him coating me from the inside out. I swallowed the salty fluid, immediately placing my cheek atop his thigh to steady myself.
Bruce pounded on me something good, sharp, steady thrusts that made my breasts bounce and my inhales halt intermittently, out of rhythm. My exhaled air burned, the fire of my need all but scorching the soft flesh of Tony's leg.
With every stroke, I could feel another peak approach closer and closer. Tony's hand on my hair tightened, and so must've I - because an unholy growl left Bruce's mouth the very same moment.
"Huh," Tony's smug smirk was heard and not seen. "Princess, be good," He pulled my hair back, lifting my face to meet his eyes.
Words weren't forming for me, at all, so I blankly stared at the man who was positively leering down at me, mouth set in a mocking tilt. I hoped my eyes conveyed the utter devotion I felt towards the two men currently enjoying themselves to the fullest.
Behind me, Bruce growled again. "Don't think she knows how to, Tony," Startling me with the authoritative tone of his voice. I'm sure the man noticed the hot wave that his voice raised within me.
"Brat," Tony mocked, briefly sharing a look with Bruce. The engineer leaned in and carefully wrapped a hand around my throat, an array of stuttered gasps making their way onto his forearm - I saw the way the fine dark hairs stood up. He loved it, he loved my submission and my obedience, and most of all, he loved my unwillingness to go down without a fight.
Bruce crowded in on me, pushing me into a position that bordered on uncomfortable, adding tension to my body, tension that made me oversensitive and needy; hot and cold at the same time, on the brink of release but unable to reach it. Tony was still gripping my throat, firm pressure, as firm as the look he held me down with.
I saw the twitch of his mouth as he moved in to kiss me... And missed, much to my confusion - it lasted for a split second until I realized Tony didn't miss anything, ever. The two moans were a little too soft, a little too symphonic. As soon as my brain caught up with the fact Tony had just kissed Bruce, I was shivering, coming so violently, Tony had to strengthen the hold on me.
Bruce's fingertips dug into my stomach, my hips, his cock nestled so deeply inside of me, I felt every vein as my inner muscles milked him for all he's worth.
"Fuck," He groaned lowly and then he was coming too, one hand splayed across my stomach and the other grasping at Tony's shoulder. The engineer was holding both of us upright from the sheer force of our orgasms. I wasn't the only one who's legs shook.
We panted out our exhaustion, Tony's chuckle breaking the huff-huff-huff interlude. "Great to know that Jolly Green isn't a party crasher," The engineer wrapped his arms around me and Bruce.
"Tony," The scientist groaned.
"You'll be saying that more from now on," Tony saw the opportunity and he took it.
"I'm always down to tag-team Bruce," I couldn't resist adding.
He snorted. "Princess, you literally can't stand right now."
"Give me five minutes, a glass of water and a flat surface," I challenged him, knowing damn well that there would be round two and possibly three if judging only by the fact Tony's hands have had already ventured down to my breasts, palming them idly. "Tony, Bruce has, possibly, one of the most amazing cocks I've ever seen. Not being face to face with it, quite possibly, might be a crime."
Both of my men started laughing, one mortified and the other genuinely amused and I could not have been happier.
"And you've seen how many?" Bruce snarked, leading us to the elevator to go up to Tony's penthouse. The scientist's possessive streak was no joke and I fully expected to be held down and owned and bred in little less than an hour, nothing else in my head but the chase for my and their release.
It was my turn to laugh, equal parts amused and mortified. "Enough."
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i-want-my-iwtv · 3 years ago
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Why Do We Need Heroes? - The Critical Drinker, Dec. 2, 2020 [X]
“See, we’ve been doing this kind of thing for a lot longer than you might think. In fact, ever since us humans have been able to conceive of stuff beyond our own experience, we’re been kind of fascinated by the idea of heroic characters embarking on epic adventures, righting wrongs, and defeating evil enemies. It’s kind of the basis for our whole civilization. 
... And I guess this is the real point I'm trying to make here: the heroes we create are a symbol and a reflection of our human potential not human reality they represent the very best of what we can and should strive for they encourage us to reach higher to try harder to go further than we ever thought possible. They push us to see beyond the boundaries and limitations of our everyday lives to dream about what we could be instead of fretting about what we are and perhaps most importantly of all they remind us that there's still something fundamentally good in all of humanity for all our flaws and our mistakes and our weaknesses
It's our ability to pick ourselves up to move forward to strive to better ourselves and overcome our limitations. This defined all of our history, it's what's driven us to build great cities invent new technologies compose great symphonies and works of art to explore the furthest reaches of our planets and to reach for the stars. The potential that exists inside each and every one of us is as unlimited as our imaginations and the heroes that we create to inspire and motivate and guide us reflect the very best aspects of that boundless potential.”
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The Hero's Journey - TVTropes.org [X]
Full transcript under the cut. 
(I’m not responsible for any typos or grammatical errors, this is the subtitle text captured with https://anthiago.com/transcript/, I added some para breaks to make it easier to read.)
“ah comic books you've got to love them especially in the current year whether it's reimagining bruce wayne as an asian american teenager accompanied by his gay butler alfred or a body positive wonder woman that strikes fear into the hearts of all you can eat buffets everywhere or whatever these two are meant to be the entire industry seems to have spent the past few years self-destructing i mean reinventing itself into something more diverse and inclusive and what could be more diverse than inclusive than a year novel about the gay goth plus-sized daughter of legendary dc superhero starfire struggling to escape the long shadow cast by her famous mother and find her own sense of identity during her turbulent teenage years it's a good premise really allowing the writer to explore questions of family legacy personal identity societal expectations the real world implications of fame and the complex and often difficult relationship between mothers and their teenage daughters so let's take a look at this exciting new work shall we
[Music] 
it does prompt a few questions though like why does her upper lip project several inches from her face why does one of her hands seem to be suffering from chronic gigantism why does this front cover look like it was drawn by me after several pints of methylated spirits i thought the whole point of ya novels is that they're intended for well young adults so they're supposed to look cool edgy sexy and compelling this looks like the kind of thing your weird hippie aunt would get you for christmas when you're five years old and you'd politely dump in some cupboard and never talk about again is there a reason the author might have chosen to style her main character like this well let's take a look at her shall we [Laughter] now call me crazy but i do detect a faint resemblance here 
the thing is it would be easy enough for me to point and laugh at what's clearly just another cringe-worthy self-insertion vanity project doomed to fall into the garbage can of history written by an author whose ego probably outstrips her creative ability and commissioned by a struggling publisher desperate to appeal to a woke audience that probably should have allocated its declining resources to something with a better chance of success like burning money i could do all of these things and probably have a good laugh along the way but really the bigger question that comes to mind for me is what exactly are we becoming if this is the new standard for our comic book heroes 
See we've been doing this kind of thing for a lot longer than you might think in fact ever since us humans have been able to conceive of stuff beyond our own experience we've been kind of fascinated by the idea of heroic characters embarking on epic adventures righting wrongs and defeating evil enemies it's kind of the basis for our whole civilization whether it's achilles and hector and the iliad or perseus slain medusa or beowulf fighting grendel or saint george killing the dragon you could pick basically any culture on earth at any time period and the chances are you'll find legends and stories of heroic men and women accomplishing great deeds characters who could best be described as more than human men of destiny men of great skill or superhuman strength that allows them to overcome the most powerful and terrifying enemies imaginable 
jump forward a few thousand years and we're still doing the exact same thing with a new generation of heroes and villains that we've created all for ourselves the classical heroes gods and monsters from our ancient legends have been replaced by modern day reinterpretations and instead of storytellers spinning their tails around a campfire now we have comic books movies and tv to satisfy our needs the technology might have changed but the basic motivation hasn't we still have the same drive and hunger for stories of larger than life heroes and villains the same need to believe in things that are grander and bigger than our own petty existence the same aspiration to be more than we are 
and i guess this is the real point i'm trying to make here the heroes we create are a symbol and a reflection of our human potential not human reality they represent the very best of what we can and should strive for they encourage us to reach higher to try harder to go further than we ever thought possible they push us to see beyond the boundaries and limitations of our everyday lives to dream about what we could be instead of fretting about what we are and perhaps most importantly of all they remind us that there's still something fundamentally good in all of humanity for all our flaws and our mistakes and our weaknesses 
it's our ability to pick ourselves up to move forward to strive to better ourselves and overcome our limitations this defined all of our history it's what's driven us to build great cities invent new technologies compose great symphonies and works of art to explore the furthest reaches of our planets and to reach for the stars the potential that exists inside each and every one of us is as unlimited as our imaginations and the heroes that we create to inspire and motivate and guide us reflect the very best aspects of that boundless potential 
so i guess it's kind of sad and disheartening to watch today's cynical nihilistic mean-spirited attempts to undermine subvert and degrade those same heroes instead of respecting and looking up to them it's become fashionable to mock and belittle and criticize them as relics of a bygone era or symbols of oppression or discrimination without really understanding what they stood for in the first place people who once looked to our heroes as symbols to aspire to as a motivation to become more than they are now see them as an unflattering reflection of their own weaknesses and failures rather than try to better themselves and their lives through hard work courage and sacrifice they instead find perverted joy in tearing down anything that stands higher than them bringing everyone and everything down to their level instead of the harder but more rewarding task of raising themselves up and the end result of this way of thinking is a small petty envious view of the world the kind of thing that belongs in the minds of small petty envious people who hide their dark intent behind a facade of compassion and fairness the kind of people who hysterically preach acceptance of everything no matter how ridiculous harmful or pathetic 
because once you accept everything then there's no need to strive for anything and instead of the mighty and inspiring heroes we used to look up to well you end up with stuff like this 
now ask yourself who exactly do you think is going to be inspired and motivated by this 
anyway that's all i've got for today go away now”
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holyhellpod · 4 years ago
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4. Fambily
In this episode, we skim the surface of the fambily dynamics in Supernatural, which are--ah. Dicey at best. 
Apple | Spotify | Google
Transcript under the cut!
Content warnings: domestic violence and family abuse
[Growl]
Ah, the Winchesters. Where do we even start. Unhinged, deranged, and continually traumatised in every way, Sam and Dean complete each other. At least, that’s what the show wants us to think. Despite the ways they betray each other, lie to each other, and  piss each other off, they are fambily. And fambily is the most important thing. The concept of Fambily in the show Supernatural (2005-2020) takes many twists and turns throughout its run. In the first five minutes of episode one, the heteronormative, nuclear family of John, Mary, Sam and Dean is ripped apart by an unknown, antagonistic force that represents all the evil in the world. It creeps into a nursery and eviscerates a white, blonde mother while preying upon a 👶, I mean, how much more evil can you get? It’s fantastic that, in the later seasons especially, Supernatural embraces this idea that fambily doesn’t end in blood, but blood doesn’t always mean fambily. By the end of the series, the fambily concept has expanded to include two dads, an aunt and uncle, and a thirty-year old infant. I’m going to talk about the finale in its own episode, so that my ire will have its proper outlet. 
When the show starts, Sam, Dean and John have each other, and only each other. By the time season 2 really kicks off, Sam and Dean don’t have John anymore, but they do have Bobby Singer. The concept of the triumvirate follows them throughout the series as though they’re in a less sexy Italo Calvino novel—first Sam, Dean and John, then Sam, Dean and Bobby, then Sam, Dean and Ruby, then Sam, Dean and Cas, then Sam, Dean and Mary, then Sam, Dean and Jack. It’s broken in seasons 13-15 when Cas comes back and they have a family of four, and then five when Mary can stand to see her boys.  
But the Winchesters are not the only fambily in Supernatural who matter. In season two, we’re introduced to the Harvelles, mother Ellen and daughter Jo, who are a hunting fambily who run a hunter pub in the middle of whoop whoop. A pub that Eric Kripke famously hated, and rejoiced when he burnt it down at the end of season 2, because the Winchesters and by extension everyone they know aren’t allowed to have anything good ever. It’s revealed in season two episode “No Exit” that John got Jo’s father killed on a hunt, which obviously affects Jo more than it does Sam and Dean. 
[Editing note:] Okay I’m editing this episode, and I’m not happy with it. I’m not going to scrap it completely because I think I do have good points to say, but the general analysis of this episode is so surface level. It is basically contributing nothing to the conversation. And I started this podcast in order to actually contribute something to the culture. I could make a bunch of text posts on tumblr or I could spend hours and hours and hours and hours of my life to something that — I don’t know. Is it bringing me joy? Not at the moment. But, yeah. So I’m not going to scrap this episode completely but this is my way of saying from now on the episodes are going to take as much as they will take and I will commit myself to having deeper and more thoughtful analysis. And if I have to spend an entire episode on one aspect of one thing, I will. I could be at university right now studying a masters or a PhD in fucking literary analysis but instead I’m sitting on my bed making a Supernatural podcast because it brings me joy. It does. It really makes me happy and I don’t want to abandon this project, because people are listening to it. I don’t know why, I don’t know what you like it about it, but you’re listening. And I just think I owe it to myself to make things that I support 100%. So I’ll continue this episode and hopefully this rambling hasn’t put you off it completely. But from now on, I’m going to really, really talk about things that matter in regards to Supernatural… Kind of an oxymoron. Kind of a contradiction. But things that contribute to the cultural consciousness instead of just rehashing the road so far. That’s all I want to do. I want to contribute. I want to say good…ful things. Okay this is making me happy. It’s already working, it’s already making me happy. I’m just going to keep rambling and laughing. Okay so, more thoughtful analysis, deeper analysis. Things that make you think. Things that make me think. Instead of just a bunch of words that mean nothing. Okay, continuing on.
Okay to figure out which episode this was I had to watch a little bit of season two, and I’m still on my season 13 rewatch. The difference between the two seasons. I don’t know if I can even put into words the growth this show has gone through, and the characters have gone through, over the last 15 years. It would be like summarising my own growth by combing through my extensive diary collection and the years of societally- and governmentally-enforced heterosexuality that has plagued my entire life. Those boys are babies in season two. The bootcut jeans alone. Sam is literally 23 years old. I don’t even talk to 23 year olds. I block them on social media.  
The Harvelles are a blip in the Winchester map. While the actors Samantha Ferris and Chad Lindberg did attempt to resuscitate their cultural currency months after the show ended by participating in an event — okay I can’t. I can’t even go into it. Like, clearly Samantha Ferris heard back from her representation as soon as she started posting those tweets and realised she wouldn’t continue to get money if she endorsed, well, the gays. And Chad Lindberg was just using the clout to push his Etsy wares like a 14th century merchant, so I gotta respect the hustle. But Jo and Ellen die in season 5 episode “Abandon All Hope” and are barely mentioned again except the episode Ash appears in, season 5 “Dark side of the moon,” Jo in season 7, “Defending Your Life,” and Ellen in the season 6 episode “My heart will go on.” They didn’t exactly leave what you would call a lasting impact for the next, you know, ten seasons. 
To be honest, I’m not sure when it’s revealed that Bobby’s wife died after being possessed by a demon. It’s made clear in season 5 “Dead Men Don’t Wear Plaid,” and I did not have to look that up, because season four and five are burned into my retinas like a particularly nasty sun flare. Bobby outlines the horrific way he killed his wife, because why not throw some spousal violence into the mix, and later in season 7 “Death’s Door,” it elaborates on their life together. I saw this sentiment expressed on TikTok, which we all know as the foundation of cultural knowledge, which was that fambilies don’t need to be two parents and children. Fambilies can be spouses or partners. You don’t need to have children in order to be a fambily. I think that’s a very nice sentiment and I’ve chosen to adopt it for these purposes. Bobby and his wife Karen are a fambily. While Karen wants kids, Bobby chooses not to have them for fear of becoming like his father and repeating the trauma he inflicted on Bobby. Bobby and Karen’s fambily dynamic is ruptured in the same way that John and Mary’s is—by an intrusive, demonic force that brings Bobby into the hunting world and ends Karen’s life. But by the time we see him at the end of season 1, Bobby is already ingratiated into Sam and Dean’s lives as their surrogate father, and this bond only deepens as the show progresses. Bobby expresses the sentiment to Dean to not be like John, that Dean is already a better man that his father ever was. Isn’t that what we all want to hear? That we have superseded our parents and outgrown them in ways they could never comprehend? Don’t we just want to be better than the generations that came before us, in order to mould a better world for the generations that come after us? Don’t we want to make things easier for our children, and our friends’ children, and our siblings’ children? Dean is a better man than John, and Bobby is better man than his father ever was. It’s about breaking the cycles of intergenerational trauma. I have to believe that Sam, Dean and Bobby did this, because then it’s possible for me to do the same thing. Include here that speech about representation in media that I didn’t bother writing for the last episode. Bobby is the surrogate father to Sam and Dean, a better father than John was, a better hunter even. He crafts an entire network of hunters who report to him, as seen in the season 6 episode “Weekend at Bobby’s,” and he continues to act as Sam and Dean’s mentor until his death in season 7 “How to win friends and influence monsters”. An alternate universe version of Bobby is introduced in season 13, which I have my reservations about, and he and Mary get together, which again, why. Season 13 is so hard to sit through. 
A fambily that is introduced late into the series and is simply NOT given enough screen time is the Banes fambily. In season 12, “Celebrating the life of Asa Fox,” we are introduced to the Banes twins, Max and Alicia, who are by far the most gorgeous hunters we’ve seen in the series. They are hunters raised by a witch, Tasha Banes, who doesn’t appear yet, and they manage to survive the trial by fire that is overcoming the demon Jael. Later in this season, in the episode “Twigs and Twane and Tasha Banes,” both of which are written by the late great Steve Yockey, we are introduced to Tasha in a way that seems awfully familiar: Alicia calls Sam to say their mother has gone missing on a hunt, and hasn’t checked in in a few days. By the end of the episode, Alicia and Tasha are dead, and Max has ostensibly sold his soul for the power to bring Alicia back. The Banes twins’ storyline directly parallels Sam and Dean’s from the pilot, but it’s a tragedy from the outset. We already know Tasha is dead and they can’t save her, however, like Dean does for Sam at the end of season 2, Max chooses to save Alicia at the expense of his own soul. Spin off when. Banes twins series when. I’m waiting. They were in two episodes and I’m still thinking about them. The Harvelles are dust. 
In season 7, “Reading is Fundamental,” a waifish 17 year old honour’s student Kevin Tran breaks into a rehabilitation facility to steal a tablet. This starts a chain of events that ingratiates Kevin Tran in the apocalyptic, death-succumbing world of the Winchesters, starting with Dick Roman, head leviathan, and continuing, but not culminating, with his death at the hands of Gadreel, who was possessing Sam, it’s a whole thing. Any time you attempt to summarise anything on Supernatural, you sound like a lunatic. And I say that as someone who has a supernatural podcast, with an audience of only supernatural fans. We are lunatics, but we’re lunatics together. Kevin’s arc was cut way too short, but we at least got to see him with his momma Linda in the beginnings of season 8 with the unfortunately named episode “What’s up, Tiger Mommy?” It introduces Linda Tran as a capable and worldly woman, hell bent on protecting her son. She offers up her soul among other things in exchange for Kevin and the tablet with him. During the episode, she is possessed by Crowley, and Dean attempts to kill him, which would mean killing Linda as well. Kevin considers this the ultimate betrayal and leaves with his mum. Later in season 9 episode “Captives,” Linda is reintroduced as a captive of Crowley, who escapes with Sam’s help. Back at the bunker, she reunites with Kevin, who is now, thanks to the Winchesters’ incompetence, a ghost 👻. My macbook keeps suggesting little emojis in the smart bar so I just gotta put ‘em in. That’s the last we see of Linda, so I’m drawing my own conclusions about whether she gets to live a long and happy life. Kevin is a fan favourite and despite my reservations about Osric Chau which I will not get into like ever I really like Kevin too. He outsmarts Crowley many times and shows remarkable tenacity to get an impossible job done. His desire to see his mum again, the driving force behind his actions, mirrors Dean’s desperation to have his fambily together again like they used to be. I would call this a parallel but I don’t believe they purposefully did this, I just think they accidentally rehashed the same tired storyline they’ve been peddling since 2005. But yeah, if I was Kevin and all I had was my mum, seeing her again would be the driving force for my actions as well. Kevin’s father is never mentioned, and it honestly isn’t a big deal, which is great. Sometimes fathers are just absent, and you don’t need throw a hissy fit about it or make it your entire personality, Dean.
Missouri Moseley, played by the inimitable Loretta Devine, is introduced in the first season, episode “Home,” in which she helps out on a case involving Sam and Dean’s childhood house. We find out that Missouri is a long-time friend of John’s and helped him to understand that supernatural forces were behind Mary’s death. She is Sam and Dean’s first point of entry into the world of the Supernatural, and they didn’t know it until they meet her in “Home”. In season 13 episode “Patience,” another layer to Missouri’s character is added with the advent of her family: estranged son James and granddaughter Patience Turner, who is also a psychic. We get a lot of backstory for Missouri in this episode, even if it is sloppily written and contradictory to the way they initially set her up. If Missouri and James had been travelling when he was a child, why was she stationed in Lawrence in both 1983 and 2005? What did he mean that Missouri was hunting? I can’t be bothered unpacking the confusing bits of information presented in this episode. It’s not a good episode and I really don’t see why everyone goes apeshit for Bobo Berens. He kills Missouri in this episode, in a really horrible way. Like the history of Supernatural’s racism and misogyny should not be dumped on one man, but nor should it be perpetuated and it is continually throughout the entire show. Confusing, contradictory and badly written backstory aside, she is an interesting character, and her willingness to sacrifice herself to save her family echoes that of Mary in “Home”. I’m actually really mad that Patience never gets to have a relationship with Missouri, and later in season 13 episode “The Bad Place,” Patience’s father tells her that if she leaves to help The Winchesters and uses her psychic abilities, she’s not welcome back in his house. To me that’s just unnecessary. We have a family that has already been ruptured by the death of Patience’s mother, further ruptured by Patience’s father cutting off contact with Missouri, and then to go a step further he disintegrates their family unit by kicking Patience out. Like how much loss do the Moseley-Turners have to endure? It’s really just cruel at this point. But Patience does find family with Jodie, Donna, Claire, Alex and eventually Kaia, and while I love the concept of found family and this found family in particular, it comes at the expense of biological family, which is something that the show has pushed from the very first episode. So that’s evolution in itself. Going from “fambily is the most important thing to these characters” to “found fambily is where we find love” is great, but ripping apart a biological fambily like the Moseley-Turners, and indeed starting the episode by saying Missouri has been shunted out of her son and granddaughter’s lives for trying to bring her son comfort, is just fucked. Like, I couldn’t name a single Bobo episode that I actually like without having to comb through them. I’m trying really hard not to shit all over him because as a writer I know how much that sucks and I know how hard is it for any marginalised writers to get a start, but I’m allowed to have my vendettas. 
If you’ve watched the “Runs In The Family” angels MV from 2010, and only if you’ve watched the “Runs In The Family” angels MV from 2010, you will understand just how jacked up the angel family really is. The angelic counterpoint to Sam and Dean are the archangels Lucifer and Michael. We are introduced to two different versions of Michael—one in season 5, who possesses their dad in 1979 and their brother Adam in 2010—my god that was literally over a decade ago—and Apocalypse World Michael, played by four different actors: Felisha Terrell, Christian Keyes, Jensen Ackles, and Ruth Connell, who plays Rowena. I don’t know what in the hell Jensen Ackles was doing performance-wise when playing Michael, but I consider it a federal crime akin to drug trafficking or money laundering. As for Christian Keyes playing Michael, Andrew Dabb, you know what you did and you’re going to have to live with that.  
In season 5, during the apocalypse, Michael and Lucifer only interact in the last episode, “Swan Song,” but the entire season is built around their conflict. Lucifer disobeyed their father, and Michael as God’s most powerful weapon must defeat him. It’s meant to mirror Sam’s descent into, uhhhh, badness or something, disobeying John to run away to Stanford, or, like, drinking demon blood? It’s unclear. Lucifer and Apocalypse World Michael interact in season 13, and Michael kills Lucifer only to take over Dean’s body and start a season-long arc of, like, bad acting and barely thought-out plots. I would say to Jensen Ackles “don’t quit your day job,” but this is literally his day job. 
The angels as they’re introduced in season 4 are warriors of god, and all they know is obedience and killing. Even Cas can’t break out of the cycle of killing his angel siblings, and often justifies it by saying that it’s for the greater good, that he needs to do it to take down a stronger force like Raphael or Metatron. Anna manages to break free of her family by falling and becoming human, but when Cas betrays her and the angels capture her, she is lobotomised, tortured and sent back out to kill Sam. Then she’s burned to a crisp by Michael possessing John, not the last time a woman would burn to death on this show. The angels are dysfunctional at best, and actively hostile to each other, especially Castiel, the infamous spanner in the works. I could write an entire academic paper about how the angels think of Castiel as this rebel slut who murdered his way to the top and is going to be the downfall of angel kind, but Dean thinks of him as this little nerdy guy with a harp he carries around in his back pocket. Which honestly Cas would love because he’s obsessed with Dean and wants to touch his butt. I don’t know what else I can say about the angels without turning this into a dissertation, so I’ll continue on.
While all seasons of the show are about family, season six is especially about matrilineal family. It introduces the concept of the mother of monsters—Eve—and focuses on Mary as a solution to the loneliness the characters feel after her death. Samuel Campbell, Mary’s father, is brought back to life and manipulated by the promise of seeing his daughter again. He asks Sam and Dean what they wouldn’t do to see Mary again, which is kind of the general thesis of the show. What wouldn’t John, Dean and Sam do for each other? Dean sells his soul. John makes a deal with the demon who killed Mary. Sam teams up with Ruby to kill Lilith in revenge, which begins as a suicide mission because he doesn’t know how to handle his grief for Dean. The difference is that Samuel betrays Sam and Dean, his own grandchildren, for the promise of seeing Mary again. This cardinal sin alienates him from being a good guy, because good guys never betray Sam and Dean. Sam and Dean are our protagonists! Our heroes! The bringers of the light! The knights in shining armour! The white on rice. The cherry in cherry pie. They are the ones we’re meant to align ourselves with, because it’s their story the narrative is telling. And anyone who doesn’t align themselves with the Winchesters is an enemy who needs to be defeated.   
We’re introduced to the character of Gwen in the first episode of season 6, “Exile on Main Street”, and she says in the episode “Family Matters” that Samuel, the patriarch, doesn’t like her very much because she reminds him of Mary. While Samuel, Christian, Gwen and co are technically family, Dean has no connection to them past bloodlines. And as I said before, while family doesn’t end in blood, we learn throughout this season that blood doesn’t always mean family. Gwen dies in the episode “And Then There Were None,” because of course she does, and Mary doesn’t come back, at least not in this season. 
In “Family Matters,” the alpha vampire, played by the irreplaceable Rick Worthy, mentions that “we all have our mothers,” referring to Eve, the mother of monsters, the one who spawned every other monster and who has been trapped in purgatory ever since. Eve is pulled from Purgatory to wage war against the hunters and Crowley because they have been preying on her first borns, the alphas. I love Eve. I love her. She’s my favourite villain after Metatron. Mainly because I think she is like… sexy as hell. Like wow I am just so attracted to Julia Maxwell and this, like, bored smokey affect thing she does where she barely moves her mouth when she speaks and her strong brow makes her seem so intimidating. I don’t know anything about her personally, but I feel like she would’ve bullied me in high school, and I’m into it. It’s really hard to judge just from this one role whether she’s a good actor because Eve has such limited range and few things to do, but I really wish she’d gotten more screen time. Yeah, she’s doing the bare minimum and I’m completely obsessed. But Eve isn’t just a monster, she’s literally THEE milf. The original milf. And I really think she should’ve stayed around, but since they kept Lisa alive they had to kill at least one high profile woman. 
Continuing with the family storylines in season 6, Dean tries to establish a family with Lisa and Ben, and for the most part succeeds. He gets a job, plays the role of the doting boyfriend and stepfather, and protects them as best he can. I’m going to spare you the rant perched at the tip of my tongue about how this is at best a lavender marriage or staying together for the kid, and that Lisa only exists to be an ideal for Dean, not an actual partner he can grow with throughout the rest of the show. It’s his first attempt at a fambily outside of Sam, Bobby and John, and it fails miserably because Lisa isn’t a good match. The fact is, she will never be able to fit into the hunting world because of the way the writers wrote her—as mother and girlfriend archetype, and we’ve seen how well they do with those—in fact they actively paralleled it in “Exile on Main Street” where they had Dean hallucinate Azazel coming back and pinning Lisa to the ceiling. It couldn’t be more obvious that they don’t respect her. At least they didn’t fridge her for Dean’s man pain. It’s honestly horrible because Dean put so much effort into believing this was his one chance at happiness, and when it crumbles like a tim tam in hot tea he beats himself up for it and uses it as an excuse to never be happy. 
He does seem to be happy for the most part with Lisa, but because Sera Gamble doesn’t know how to write interesting or complex female characters, when Sam reenters the picture it once again becomes about the original premise: two brothers on the road, fighting the forces of evil. There’s no room for any women in that sphere. Up until this point I think—correct me if I’m wrong—there has been one female hunter who survived, and she was in one episode. The hunter Tamara in season 3 “The Magnificent Seven,” whose husband died in maybe the most sadistic way anyone has died on this show. Don’t rewatch it, just google it. All women die, including Mary, their mother, who is brought back in season 12 and killed in season 14. AND FOR WHAT? For WHAT Andrew Dabb.
Often, the loss of a parent, child or significant other is used to excuse bad behaviour and terrible choices. The hunting life causes Mary’s whole family to die before she can escape it, and because she makes a deal with Azazel for John’s life, the same demon John makes a deal with, Azazel kills her anyway. John abused his kids and brought them into the hunting life, because he was obsessed with getting revenge for Mary’s death. Sam does the same thing when Jess dies in the first season, and it starts a 15-season long arc of pain and misery. He sets Lucifer free in the season four because he is obsessed with getting revenge for Dean’s death and obsessed with the power drinking demon blood gives him. Then again, Sam is actually right for saving people by exorcising demons, which is literally the first part of the family business motto,  instead of just gutting them with the demon knife, but because Dean doesn’t agree with it, it’s bad. Sam always wants to do the right thing, he just gets a little caught up in the details. But you know what? Bloodfreak rights. 
When Cas dies in season 13, Dean is so overcome with grief, a grief that echoes John and Sam’s, that he mistreats Jack and threatens to kill him. In season 14, Nick, Lucifer’s vessel, boo snore hiss, kills everyone involved with the murder of his wife and child before he finds out that it’s actually Lucifer’s doing, and then he tries to raise Lucifer from the empty because he’s addicted to killing? Whatever, stop employing Mark Pellegrino. Stop writing men as obsessed with getting revenge 
The biological fambilies in Supernatural suck shit. Honestly every time I watch an episode about fambily I’m even more glad I don’t talk to mine. Dean and Sam need to spend some time away from each other, while they’re both still alive. Their fambily dynamic gets better as the show progresses, and I was pleased to see in season 12 that they do away with the codependency, constantly sacrificing themselves for each other, isolating themselves, betraying everyone they know for each other—they started to act like, you know, normal people. And that’s good. Sure, the show would not be anywhere without John sacrificing himself for Dean, and Dean sacrificing himself for Sam, and honestly that’s what made those first few seasons amazing. But after a while it becomes lazy writing, not parallels. A parallel that Supernatural pulled off is Sam comforting Magda in season 12 episode “The Survivor” in the way he needed to be comforted in season 1 and 2 as a psychic child. A parallel is Dean preparing Cas’s body for cremation in season 13  in counterpoint to the way Cas remade Dean’s body in season 4. This show can absolutely do parallels, some of the most beautiful parallels ever put on screen, but the last season was such lazy writing that I cannot forgive it. 
This has been an overall negative episode of Holy Hell, and that sucks. I don’t want to be so negative. I want to talk about the good things that Supernatural did, and share in joy with you all, so now I’m going to talk about the only positive I see with fambily in the entire show. 
For Dean, everyone older than him is a parent to disappoint, and everyone younger than him is a little sibling to protect. Cas is the exception, as there’s no way to define Dean and Cas’s relationship without acknowledging the reciprocal romantic ways they care about each other. Dean says on multiple occasions that Cas is like a brother to him, and that he’s Sam and Dean’s best friend. He actually drops the line, “After Sam and Bobby, you are the closest thing I have to family,” on Cas in season 6, and he acts like it’s nothing, but you can see in the expression on Cas’s face that Dean just recontextualised the entirety of Cas’s being in one sentence. Cas falls for Dean, gives up his family for Dean, and decides to follow him in the first act of free will we see on screen. And Dean, who has never known love without pain, says to Cas, you are fambily to me, I actively choose you, you belong in my life. But to belong in Dean’s life is to follow his plan, and when Cas doesn’t, he is punished for his hubris. Dean loves him, and he never even admits it.
Charlie becomes like a little sister to Dean, as does Jo. Jack is unequivocally Cas’s son, but becomes something of Dean’s son as well and some would argue Sam’s son. Claire becomes Cas’s daughter, but imprints so much on Dean that many, myself included, have come to consider Dean her father as well. If you subscribe to the idea that Dean and Cas are old marrieds, Dean would be Claire and Jack’s stepfather, and they would be a nuclear fambily all on their own. In season 14 “Lebanon,” when John says to Dean that he thought Dean would have settled down with a fambily, Dean says, “I have a fambily.” Just thinking about it gives me goosebumps.
Cas chooses to be a part of Claire’s life in season 10 “The Things We Left Behind” because he feels guilty about what happened to her after he possessed Jimmy, but after getting to know Claire he cares for her. The crime that is Claire and Cas not interacting after season 10, my god. That’s his daughter, you ghouls. But Claire and Dean do get more moments together. Dean, Sam and some British guy save Claire from turning into a werewolf, and Claire and the rest of the Wayward Sisters save Sam and Dean from the Bad Place. The Wayward Sisters are a found fambily all on their own, and since I could devote an entire episode to Jody’s little brood, I have chosen not to talk about them much, because this episode is at least half an hour, 34 minutes, and it would take up too much of my time. Claire is one of my favourite characters and I’ll be talking about her in the next ep, so stay tuned for that. 
Even before Jack is born, Cas becomes his protector. He goes from trying to convince Kelly to end her and Jack’s life, to being her pseudo-husband and the surrogate father to her child. To me personally, it’s the best thing this show has ever done. Cas, Kelly and Jack love each other in a way that is so wholly uncomplicated, that is so pure and so good. Once Cas becomes Jack’s protector, there’s never any question of whether they would hurt or betray each other. He is Cas’s son, his baby boy, and he loves Cas so much that he resurrects Cas from the empty. When they meet for the first time in season 13 “Tombstone” after Cas comes back, they fit into each other’s lives so easily. This is the part in writing this where I was absolutely sobbing my dick off. There are so many moments between them that show the kind of love that each of these characters deserved. Sam and Dean deserve to have that love from their father, and so does Cas. And together they build a family unit around caring for Jack that does indeed end the intergenerational trauma that plagues the Winchester fambily.
And that’s why season 16 is so important to me. I can make things better. Dean sorts his shit out, all of his shit: his alcoholism, depression, ADHD, borderline personality disorder, suicidal ideation, sexuality, gender, the fact that Cas is literally the love of his life and he gets to save him from the Empty the way Cas saved him from Hell. They plant flowers in the field where Dean spread Cas’s ashes in season 13, and they get married at Jody’s cabin with all their loved ones left alive. Claire walks Cas down the aisle and Jack is the flower girl, because he’s literally a three year old baby. Sam and Eileen raise a bunch of rugrats and the Wayward fambily continue the hunting legacy and have a Sunday afternoon roast every week. Dean and Cas raise Jack right, they cut up oranges for soccer practice and watch all his school plays. He and his cousins grow up knowing what it’s like not only to be loved, but to be looked after, to have all their needs met. They grow up normal, and the trauma that plagued their family is a thing of the past. It’s good, you know? It’s just fucking good.
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neonbutchery · 4 years ago
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ranking (some) men of mass effect by their sexyman potential
so, i’ve done it. here’s a ranked list of men in mass effect judged by their sexyman potential from yours truly. 
if you somehow are blissfully unaware of what a tumblr sexyman is, here and here are some links that explain it. it’s a very cursed concept that has become a topic of discussion among self-proclaimed internet experts and a sociological phenomenon among tumblr users. and as a questionable lover letter to the mass effect fandom, here’s my mass effect sexyman ranking.
if your fav is here, please don’t take this personally. also, not every single male character from the series will be listed, just the ones with the most sexyman potential. original trilogy only because i have yet to finish andromeda.
these have been chosed based on 1) sexyman traits listed here and 2) fandom reception towards them. 
THE SEXYMEN THEMSELVES
#1: saren arterius
i have to admit that despite him being kinda hot and one of the most interesting villains, saren is prime sexyman material. just give him a british accent and boom. we’ve got a onceler in our hands. he’s got almost every sexyman trope in the book: villainous, but is hinted at redemption, lanky (by turian standards), cool color palette, weird sexual tension (both with mshep and femshep and you can fight me on that) with the protagonist, non-human, etc. you get me. he even fits almost all of the criteria in the komaeda checklist so, after reviewing my evidence, i must crown saren as the supreme sexyman of mass effect.
#2: mordin solus
something in my gut tells me that if mordin had been your average cis white dude scientist instead of. a talking frog (no offence mordin ily) he’d become a cult favorite. he’s nerdy, related to science, and while a sympathetic character, has canonly done bad shit in the past (*cough cough GENOPHAGE MODIFICATION*). the amount of people in this fandom who already thirst over him/want a mordin romance is the final nail in the coffin to convince me of the sexyman diamond in the rough that is mordin solus. 
#3: javik
don’t get me wrong, javik is a great character. but the asshole/brooding goth duality coupled with a tragic backstory it’s what gives him big sexyman potential. i don’t really know how to put it into words but he just has that unmistakeable sexyman vibe.  
#4: tim
i have nothing else to say except that there’s always that one very niche section of a fandom who swoons over the most terrible old men war criminals. that, or daddy issues.
#5: thane krios
look just.... i don’t know. thane is one of my favorite characters but he just sometimes gives me the Sexyman Feels. 
HONORABLE MENTIONS (not exactly conventional sexymen, but have a similar fandom)
garrus vakarian
before everyone takes turns collectively stabbing me in the notes, garrus himself isn’t a sexyman despite kinda looking like sans (it’s the blue eye/visor thingy). he’s a honorable mention because of the fandom/cult following, easily equiparable to that of some sexymen. everyone finds him hot and everyone ships him with every living being that’s ever set foot on the normandy (but mainly shepard). he’s a sexy suave sniper turian don juan. so while he’s not a pure sexyman, he has a following typical of one.
kaidan alenko
basically the same as above. not a sexyman per se, but has a cult following. 
legion
people on this website are just really horny for robots. 
turians (as in the whole species, but especially male turians)
i don’t know whatever bioware did when designing them, but not even all the water in the pacific ocean would be able to quench the thirst people have for even the most insignifcant turian background character. 
bonus: SEXYWOMEN (equality!)
not a ranked list, but some possible sexywoman candidates. wlw feel free to chime in on this
dr chakwas
milf who has gay aunt vibes and drinks brandy with you.... what else is there to say
benezia
milf but evil and also goth
miranda lawson
despite being clearly designed to appeal to dudebros miranda has been claimed by the girls and gays and i couldn’t be more proud of us
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ihateevamarie · 4 years ago
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1. Never wear skinny jeans. Looking like a fourteen-year-old girl with a summer squash down her pants is not sexy.
2. You know what we find really sexy? When you write a thank-you note. That's right, baby, address it to Aunt Marilyn.
3. Using the words nut and sack together in a sentence should be avoided at all costs.
4. The Brazilian bikini wax is torture. To show a little appreciation, you could trim your nose hair. And your nut sack.
5. Spare us from having to wear something we hate with a smile and just get us a gift card to Bergdorf's or Barneys. For at least five hundred bucks.
6. Please don't take your mother to help pick out jewelry for us, especially an engagement ring. Thinking of my future mother-in-law standing in for me is not sexy. In fact, it's a little creepy.
7. Our relationship with gay men is sacred. We talk dirty to them, we grab their asses, they grab our boobs, we say "I love you" all the time, and they can wear skinny jeans. Don't try to compete with that.
8. I have never met a woman who has tried one of those "ways-to-drive-your-man-wild-in-bed" lists from a magazine. Those are written for the women reading them to get off. At the dentist's office. Or in the checkout line at the grocery store.
9. If you want to get laid, don't take us out for a three-hour, ten-course tasting menu. All we want to do after that is put on your boxers and a T-shirt and watch TV. On a special night, screw first.
10. I know we're all busy, but let's avoid scheduling sex. When we start thinking about our night like, At 5:00 p.m., he's going to put it in me....Actually, that sounds kind of sexy.
Kathryn Hahn for Esquire Magazine
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