#other than some other cool outfits and eternity island

[cassioppenny]

me getting ready to become a living(?) battery for a super death laser that my girlbestie needs to save me from so we can use it against the rich people deathcult guy who has been manipulating me after i miraculously came back to life after he fucking shot me in the heart so we can explode him

[eeveedel]

Hi all, I haven’t recced some fics in awhile but...today is fic writers appreciation day! And there are so many fics that I love so very much and have brought so much happiness into my life. 

And it just so happens I have a personal document where i’ve kept track of fics I’ve read for the past 3-4 years, categorized by tropes. So I thought it would be fun to rec you my all-time favorite fic from each of my personal categories! There are so many good fics so I hope you enjoy. And if you want a full fic rec list for any of these categories, please tell me! 

And a big thank you again to all of the lovely authors out there, I hope you have a lovely day and now how valued your work is. 

A/B/O

Sisterwives by jaerie

This was it, the moment Louis had been waiting for his entire life. Giddy excitement bubbled up as he held hands and stared up at his soon-to-be alpha and husband and grinned. The ceremony was small and simple, but Louis didn’t mind. Fresh flowers pinned into his hair and a brand new outfit was all he needed to feel special in front of their few witnesses. It was just some members of his family and a few of the church elders in attendance as was customary for any marriage beyond the first wife within the faith.

First wives were the ones to have elaborate weddings with the whole community involved. An alpha’s first wedding was a celebration of an their coming of age, his first steps into fulfilling God’s prophecy. There were many glories for an omega that came with being a first wife but also many responsibilities. Louis had never aspired to be a first wife or even a second. He wasn’t experienced enough to be the leader of an alpha’s many wives and children and he didn’t think he’d be up to the task.

Louis was just fine in the position he was stepping into as the seventh.

Or Louis thinks he's getting everything he's ever dreamed of. Harry helps him find what makes him truly happy.

Action/Adventure 

The Dead of July by whimsicule

Harry is Captain America, and Louis’ been dead for 70 years.

Age Gap

White Pages, White Lace, Big Hands, Pretty Face by thechesirepussycat

“He touches his sides, his neck, his lips, all the places Harry has just been, all the places that still tingle from Harry’s touch. Such a strange feeling Louis has, so unreal and nerve-racking. He can’t begin to describe what Harry has done to him, what about Harry makes Louis want to call him… Daddy.“

Or, a gratuitous Sugar Daddy!Harry and Student!Louis AU.

Angst

Bot by tomlinsunshine (11k)

Zayn builds robots; Harry is a big fan of his latest model.

Break Up

got the sunshine on my shoulders by hattalove

five years ago, harry styles left his tiny home town to make it big as a recording artist. he didn't have much regard for what he left behind - a life, a family, and a husband, who woke up one morning to find him gone.

now, harry has everything he could possibly want: he's rich, famous, and adored by everyone he meets, including his boyfriend. but when said boyfriend proposes to him, he's forced to face the uncomfortable facts of his past - and louis, who's spent the last five years returning every set of divorce papers harry sent him.

(or, an au based on the movie sweet home alabama.)

Canon

nonstop earthquake dreams of you by lumineres

And there's heat behind it, blazing, plasmatic, like stars crashing together, like an explosion in space, like a supernova, like a black hole--everything else sucked out of existence. There's no bed and there's no pillow and they're not lying down, just floating somewhere, somehow, and there's no room and there's no X Factor house and there's no Niall snuffling or Liam's deep, even breathing and there's no wind or traffic outside and there's no hum of the heating unit and it's all just Louis. All encompassingly Louis.

or, harry falls hard and finds louis already at the bottom

Classics

Love Is A Rebellious Bird by 100percentsassy and gloria_andrews

AU in which the boys still make music. Louis is the concertmaster of the London Symphony Orchestra, Harry is the New! and Exciting! interim conductor/ex-cello prodigy who "has made Mozart cool again" according to Esquire Magazine (Louis hates him immediately, which is definitely why he internet stalked him in his dark bedroom late at night that one time), and Niall is the best. Zayn and Liam are around too.

College/Uni 

Could be Kissing My Fruit Punch Lips by thechesirepussycat

Harry happens upon a porn site that specializes in live videos and sort of falls in love with the cute boy he only knows as Kitty.

And then he gets the surprise of his life when he finds out Kitty attends his university...

Crime

Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night by haroldslouis 

1997 AU where Harry is a bank robber and Louis falls in love with him

Dom/Sub

No Control Club series by SadaVeniren

Harry, a popular BDSM blogger, writes a negative review about Louis’ club. Louis wants to have a chance to make it up to him.

Dunkirk/Alex

Poison & Wine by tilthesundies

Alex comes home from the war to find a stranger living in his flat.

Dystopian/Apocalypse

things have gotten closer to the sun by starseas

when a solar flare is announced to end the world in twelve days, harry reunites with the people that he used to know better than the back of his own hand.

Enemies to Lovers

you flower, you feast by stylinsoncity 

He's King of the Underworld, but don't assume Louis has it all. He could stand for some excitement in his monotonous, eternal life and maybe, even.....a soulmate.

(Despite not having a soul.)

And along came "Harry"

Established Relationship

I Only Ever Want You by itsmiz

Louis and Harry's relationship goes through a series of changes while Liam and Zayn discover new things about themselves, as well.

Or: Louis & Harry and Liam & Zayn begin to have sex in front of each other and a lot of kink-discovery results from that.

Fairy Tale

Red by frosteddream 

Shockwaves were sent through the village after the McPherson family was savagely killed. There were people who feared the beast that did it, and then there was Louis, or, as most people liked to call him, Red. (Little Red Riding Hood AU.)

Fake Dating 

And Then a Bit by infinitelymint

Harry and Louis fake a relationship for publicity. Eventually it becomes a lot less fake and a lot more real.

Famous (non-1D AU)

a million roses (bathed in rock n roll) by deLILah 

au. harry sings in smoky dive bars; louis misses his flight home. they go to coney island in the morning.

(aka - harry is lana del rey, and louis makes him a star.)

Fashion

Just my style by thoughtsickles

Harry is sick, and the only thing that might help him is the pheromones from his mate--problem is, he hasn't got a mate.

Louis' just been disowned, and taking part in a medical study where he has to cuddle with some strange alpha seems to be his only option for earning a bit of cash.

The hippies and Omega Rights campaigners are busy changing the world--but all Harry wants is a chance to live.

Fluff

Dreaming of You by velvetoscar

The Begrudging Starbucks AU.

The world is winter and steamed milk and creamy espresso shots. The world is a never ending queue. The world is a Starbucks logo and a pink-cheeked smile from Niall and a bored scowl from Zayn and the world is Louis watching his best mate, Liam, fall in love with their newest customer, Harry. Who may or may not be in love with Louis. The world is cruel.

Frat

Soft Feet, Fast Hands, Can’t Lose by dolce_piccante

American Uni AU. Harry Styles is a frat boy football star from the wealthy Styles Family athletic dynasty. A celebrity among football fans, he knows how to play, he knows how to party, and he knows how to fuck (all of which is well known among his legion of admirers).

Louis Tomlinson is a student and an athlete, but his similarities to Harry end there. Intelligent, focused, independent, and completely uninterested in Harry’s charms, Louis is an anomaly in a world ruled by football.

A bet about the pair, who might be more similar than they originally thought, brings them together. Shakespeare, ballet, Disney, football, library chats, running, accidental spooning, Daredevil and Domino’s Pizza all blend into one big friendship Frappucino, but who will win in the end?

Friends to Lovers

OmegaVision by jaerie 

Tomlin Networks Presents: OmegaVision starring Louis Tomlinson! The world's first 24/7 reality channel available in over 150 countries worldwide following the life of the first male omega born in over a century. Follow Louis through his daily routine, the ups and downs of growing up or just leave him on for comfort. There are many reasons to tune in but, no matter what yours may be, there's always a part of Louis that is just like you!

Or a Truman Show au that nobody asked for where Louis is Truman and Harry just wants to be his mate

Girl Direction

Never Enough by idekboo

Louis couldn't get enough of Harry and that gorgeous body of hers. She wasn't shy about letting her know.

High School

I found a love (darling just dive right in) by wonderlou

Louis, an omega with very little control. Harry, an alpha with a lot of emotion. Neither of them have any idea what do to with this little thing called love, but they'll be damned if they don't put up a good fight.

Historical

Coax the Cold by MediaWhore 

England, 1897.

English Professor Louis Tomlinson’s passion for the occult has been a source of mockery and derision for most of his life. When he hears whispers of a travelling freak show newly established in London claiming the existence of a monstrous sea hybrid, half-man, half-fish, Louis sees it as his ticket to credibility amongst his peers. The summer he spends undercover working on the show, however, gives him much more than that.

Miscellaneous/Unique

the impossible now by stylinsoncity

A wish on Christmas Eve sends Louis to an alternate dimension where Harry is a member of One Direction.

Mpreg

The Things I’d Do to Wake Up Next to You by dirtymattress (36k)

Harry wakes up to a pregnant Louis Tomlinson and a wedding band on his finger.

Mythology

Say Hallelujah, Say Goodnight by alivingfire

Louis is an angel who is just a little too bad to be good, Harry is a demon who is just a little too good to be bad, and they're both a little too in love to be impartial when angels and demons go to war.

PWP

mr. tomlinson by iwillpaintasongforlou

Louis is a billionaire CEO who makes grown men cry and rival companies crumble. He's also an omega. Harry is the quiet cupcake of a man he calls his alpha and the only one who gets to see Louis as anything less than fearsome.

Roommates

streetwise hercules by bottomlinsons

Uni AU, where Louis pretends to be Harry's boyfriend to scare away his one night stands.

Royalty

feel the chemicals burn in my bloodstream by togetherwecouldbealright 

Harry is a journalist with a lot of secrets and Louis is the future king of the United Kingdom; they live together for 60 days.

Spies

never gonna dance again by togetherwecouldbealright

Louis is a spy and Harry is a dancer. The only real thing they know is each other.

Soulmates

Nameless Night by green_feelings

For their 18th birthday, every person receives a letter that reads a simple date. That is the date you'll meet your soulmate.

Harry and Louis have different beliefs, live in different worlds and have different dreams, hopes and fears. Yet, they're not so different from each other when it comes to love. When their paths cross, there is no doubt they belong together. Except for that one, essential difference: they didn't receive the same date.

Or, a fic about differences that make no difference at all: Harry and Louis are soulmates. In every way possible. Featuring Niall as a role model, and Liam and Zayn as a different kind of role models.

Summer Romance

Rivers til I Reach You by embodied

AU. Louis studies astronomy; Harry studies Louis. They spend their summers on the water and it shouldn't be complicated (spoiler: it is).

Supernatural

Howls Like a Beast (You Flower, You Feast) by indiaalaphawhiskey (16k)

France, 1754. Château de Versailles.

“You don’t love me,” Louis had said, utterly blasé as he callously fractured the heart of a Harry that was just barely eighteen.

“I do,” Harry had insisted pleadingly, green eyes already watering.

Louis had rolled his eyes, exasperated and flippant in the way only beautiful, young boys could be when faced with the affections of a baby prince. He had run his finger down Harry’s cheek then, had forced him to look into his eyes as he delivered the final blow.

“You’ll change your mind once you’ve seen more of the world,” Louis had teased, pressing a brutally delicate kiss onto Harry’s lovely, pure cheek. “Once you’ve been properly defiled.” He had whispered filthily, delighted by the gasp he heard, the frantic pink blush that had rested high on Harry’s cheeks, the power he had felt at knowing he could make the Crown Prince squirm.

[ranma-rewatch]

Episode 7: Enter Ryoga, the Eternal ‘Lost Boy’

Hey, it’s Ranma Rewatch, I’m on episode 7, and I don’t want to waste too much time with the preamble. I am super excited for this episode, my boi is here, I really hope it holds up, see you after I watch it again!

That wasn’t exactly how I remembered it, but not in a bad way. The episode starts with a short scene that has become pretty freaking iconic, and has been sampled in dozens, if not hundreds, of AMV’s: A man cloaked from head to toe, walking through a desert, his eyes barely visible under goggles. It is a really cool shot that catches the eye right away.

We cut from that to that same person approaching a small village, deciding to throw off his concealing clothes to reveal his typical yellow and green outfit, with a bandanna around his head and an umbrella on his back, which he takes out to slow down his descent when he jumps off a cliff. This village happens to be being attacked by a huge wild boar, wrecking everything in its way, but this fellow is able to stop the animal with little effort and send it flying. When the grateful villagers approach, he only has one question for them: where is Furinkan High School?

At first they don’t understand the question, until they look at what he has for a map and realize it’s of Tokyo. The problem is, this young man is on Shikoku, a completely different island in the archipelago. They point him in the right general direction, and he reveals before the scene ends that he is specifically trying to find Ranma Saotome.

Speaking of the show’s titular character, we get a small scene of him in his cursed form being blackmailed by Nabiki into wearing women’s clothes because all of his stuff is in the wash. After that, we get another scene of the mysterious umbrella-wielding stranger asking someone for directions to Furinkan High School, but this time he’s in Hokkaido. Once again a completely different island, only this time on the opposite end. Fun fact: Hokkaido was the inspiration for Sinnoh in Pokemon!

We get another small cut-away to Ranma in various outfits, then another of our new character somehow ending up back in that village he was in earlier. The point is being made clear to us: he is terrible at getting where he wants to go, but is also so inhumanly strong and resilient that he has no trouble surviving in the wilderness in the process.

What seems to be the next day, he finally gets to where he’s going, just as school is letting out for the day. Ranma is being chased by Akane for something, though we don’t know exactly what. (Of course, we know their dynamic well enough by now to know it’s almost certainly something Ranma did to annoy her.) The newcomer slams into the ground where Ranma is landing at the same time, leaving a crater in the cement from the force of his landing, all while screaming how Ranma has to die.

The problem is, Ranma has no clue who this guy is, which pisses him off to know end. Even after he brings up that his vendetta has something to do with Ranma never showing up for a duel, Ranma still struggles (and fails) to remember this guys name, but luckily he gives it to Ranma anyway: Ryoga Hibiki. They went to Junior High together, and they’d agreed upon a duel, but it never happened because Ranma wasn’t there when Ryoga arrived.

Now, Ranma protests that he waited in the agreed upon empty lot for three days before taking off for China with his dad, which is honestly more time than most people would have waited. As we already know though, Ryoga can’t seem to get anywhere quickly, so he got there on the fourth day. Oh, and the lot was right behind his house.

The crowd of students who only moments before considered him with awe over his fantastic martial arts abilities are now looking at him like a buffoon, and Ryoga is ready to get his revenge on Ranma already. But Ranma puts a pause on that, runs out, and comes back with a bunch of different kinds of bread. Why? Because bread was the reason for their duel in the first place. Their school was only for boys, and getting food at lunch was a nightmare. Ranma ended up snatching the last piece of bread just before Ryoga could get it time and time again, and all the bread he brought was one of each type he’d taken years before.

But Ryoga doesn’t care about that, making it clear that the bread isn’t something he cares about anymore, that Ranma has put him through hell, even if Ranma has no clue what he’s talking about. But before they can get a proper fight going, Ranma runs away, losing Ryoga enough that when he starts busting up the school looking for him, he ends up going the wrong way and out of the area entirely, leaving Ranma and Akane to wonder where he went. We do get to see where before the episode ends: once again back in that village that had the boar problem, where he gets a meal before running out into the evening to find Ranma once more.

Like I said before, this episode wasn’t entirely how I remembered it. Namely, there was a lot more humor than I remembered. For the most part, that’s not a bad thing, there was actually some really good comedy, and I don’t feel like it trampled over the more serious parts of the episode.

If it isn’t clear, I am going to say right now that I did still love this episode. The animation was really on-point, some of the visuals of Ranma darting around people or the brief combat he gets with Ryoga just looks beautiful. Also, even though we don’t get a fight between the two just yet, it’s already solidly communicated, through Ryoga easily beating the boar, barreling through steel barriers, and hitting the ground so hard it destroys concrete, that he is strong as hell.

As much as I love the opening desert shot, I actually think my favorite part of the episode is some of the conversation between Ranma, Akane, and Ryoga. Ranma straining his brain to remember who Ryoga is killed me. It was weirdly relatable too, I’m sure many of us have run into someone who obviously knows us, while we can’t even remember how we know them, let alone their name. The fact Ranma actually specifically bought one of each bread he’d taken from Ryoga before was kind of cute, more than I expected of the usually flippant martial artist.

There’s also an exchange I’ve seen on Tumblr a few times in screencaps and gifs, and there’s a reason people love to share it. When Ryoga says he’s going to destroy Ranma’s happiness, there’s this shot of him freaking out, only to turn to Akane and blankly ask if he is happy, to which Akane doesn’t understand why he’s asking her. They take such a trope-y line from a character seeking revenge and turn it around into a really good joke.

There was also a really interesting thing I noted in terms of translation. After hearing about the string of times Ranma stole bread from Ryoga, Akane makes an analogy to why it mattered so much, but it’s different from dub to sub. In the English Dub, she says the straws broke the camel’s back, a common phrase that seems to fit the situation. But in the English Sub, she says (loosely remembering) “enough dust can make a mountain”, and I think that actually fits much better. After all, we soon learned that the bread isn’t really why Ryoga is angry, but once you do know everything that happened that led to Ryoga’s rage, that analogy fits perfect: it isn’t so much one specific event, as a collection of small events that collected into an enormous vendetta.

All my compliments aside, I did have some issues with the episode. Some of the comedy didn’t really work for me, and that was most true with the early scenes of the Tendo girls trying to dress Ranma in Akane’s clothes. Some parts did make me chuckle, but on the whole the mini-plot made me uncomfortable. Primarily because, as I’ve said before, I feel like the best way to look at Ranma’s cursed form is as a trans man. Even though his body has changed, his gender hasn’t, he’s still a man. The scene has Ranma protesting again and again that he is a man, even as they try to dress him as a woman. The idea of some cisgender folks trying to force a trans man into women’s clothes just...isn’t very funny to me. It’s kind of terrible, at least from a more queer perspective. That complaint done, let’s do the character spotlight.

Oh come on, who else did you think I was going to do? If it isn’t clear yet, Ryoga Hibiki is my favorite character in the series, and he has been since I was a teenager. Who knows if that will remain true this entire watch-through, but so far I’m not liking him any less. I’ll get into why, but first let’s talk about his voice actors.

The voice actor I’m more familiar with, his English one, is Michael Donovan. Like most of the actors for this dub, he’s someone who worked with the Ocean Group for a lot of series around this time period. That said, if you’re a fan of the Fate franchise, he has done some voices in Ufotable’s recent anime adaptations, playing Risei Kotomine and Zouken Matou. In Japanese, his voice actor is one Kōichi Yamadera, and he continued the pattern of voice actors who are well-known in Japan for dubbing English works. He’s most well-known for dubbing over Jim Carrey in a lot of movies, but he’s done a ton of others as well. In anime, some of his notable roles include Spike Spiegel, Beerus in all the recent Dragon Ball movies and anime, and Gentle Criminal in My Hero Academia. Seriously, diving into this guy’s list of roles is like swimming in an ocean of great roles.

So, how do they do? Well, so far I’d say I like both of them a lot, but they do play Ryoga differently. At his core, Ryoga is actually kind of a perfect microcosm of the tone of the series itself. Ranma 1/2 is simultaneously a shonen battle anime, a romantic harem series, and a wacky comedy. Ryoga is someone who takes himself very, very seriously. His desire for vengeance against Ranma isn’t a joke, and neither is his ability as a martial artist. But he’s also a doofus who ends up crossing the length of Japan several times because he can’t follow directions properly and the reasons (so far) for his hatred of Ranma are completely laughable.

I wouldn’t say that Michael Donovan’s performance lacks seriousness, in fact when he wants Ryoga to sound menacing I think he does it well, but on the whole he leans more heavily towards the comedic parts of the character. Meanwhile, Yamadera’s Ryoga hasn’t really sounded silly once to me. He plays the character dead straight, and let’s the comedy come through in the contrast between that demeanor and the circumstances around him. We’ll have to see as we go, but I actually might be preferring the Japanese performance so far, a rarity for me.

Okay, so, why do I love Ryoga so much? There are SO many reasons, many of which I won’t go into just yet because I’ll save them for when they appear in-series. But there is still a lot shown in this episode that I feel I can discuss. To start with, I adore his design. I don’t mean the cloak and goggles, though those are absolutely awesome, I’m referring to his standard mode of dress. The yellow and green as a color scheme, with accents of black to top it off, is something really unique. I don’t know enough about art to really articulate why, but I just love every touch of his design. My favorite small touch has to be the yellow strands wrapping around his lower legs, clashing with his otherwise dark green lower half. I have no clue what they’re supposed to be for, but they just add something, almost making him look more rooted to the spot of wherever he’s standing, more solid.

That is a good word to use for Ryoga in general. Even though we haven’t gotten to see him in a proper fight just yet, we’ve seen quite a lot of evidence of his main attributes. In Dungeons & Dragons terms, Ryoga is making out his Strength and Constitution. He hits like a truck and he can be hit by a truck without slowing down. I love that because it contrasts so perfectly with Ranma’s strength: his speed and precision. I adore it when rival characters actually have qualities that make the fights between them more interesting from the contrast, and Ryoga fits the bill there quite well. He’s also a good foil in terms of personality: Ranma is easy going, likes screwing with people, and is quite quick-witted; Ryoga has a hot temper and a long memory for grudges, hates it when people trick him, and tends to let his emotions do the thinking for him.

I will say it feels like his character has some classic Early Installment Weirdness, as he uses his umbrella quite a bit in this episode. If I remember correctly, after his introductory arc, he doesn’t use his umbrella much at all for the rest of the show, preferring to rely on his fists. It definitely feels like they hadn’t quite nailed the character completely yet, if that makes any sense.

Ryoga is also doing that thing where he’s seeking revenge and really angry, but refuses to talk about why, drawing out the mystery as long as possible. While that trope can become annoying, I don’t really mind it in this case. This isn’t a situation like Godot from Ace Attorney, where Ryoga is purposefully hiding it for some grand plan or something, or to teach a lesson. Ryoga doesn’t go into specifics because A) he thinks Ranma should already know; B) Ryoga is very mad; and C) he doesn’t want anyone else to know his secret. I’m not saying it isn’t stupid that he doesn’t tell Ranma why he’s mad, but I am saying that it’s in-character.

Are you surprised that I adore this episode? You shouldn’t be, I’ve been gushing about it this whole time. Even with the parts I found more rough to watch, this is still my favorite episode of the series thus far, putting the rankings at:

Episode 7: Enter Ryoga, the Eternal ‘Lost Boy’

Episode 2: School is No Place for Horsing Around

Episode 6: Akane's Lost Love... These Things Happen, You Know

Episode 4: Ranma and...Ranma? If It’s Not One Thing, It’s Another

Episode 5: Love Me to the Bone! The Compound Fracture of Akane's Heart

Episode 1: Here’s Ranma

Episode 3: A Sudden Storm of Love

The big question is: will the next episode of this four episode Ryoga arc be even better? We’ll find out next time with Episode 8: “School is a Battlefield! Ranma vs. Ryoga”. See you then!

[x--daughters-of-darkness--x]

Employed To Serve are putting British metal back on top

For the past decade, Justine Jones and Sammy Urwin of Employed To Serve have helped elevate British rock and metal both on and off the stage, from Album Of The Year releases to their championing of new bands. Now, with fourth full-length Conquering on the horizon, the pay-off is being felt across the entire scene…

Some years ago now, at the end of her last job in retail, Justine Jones made a decision. Providing she could eat and had a roof over her head, she wasn’t, she told herself, going to spend her life doing anything that was “un-fun”. Instead, Justine decided, she’d navigate the world by working hard on the things she loved and that she truly believed in.

“I’ve never been content to be a cog,” she says. ​“I’ve always wanted to be like a very heavily involved person. I like having a say, I guess. I’ve never liked having a manager, in terms of work. I have got that childish, rebellious thing, like, ​‘Don’t tell me what to do.’”

Employed To Serve are not cogs. Nor are Justine and guitarist Sammy Urwin ones to sit around and wait for the lights to go green. With what the singer calls ​“our Hatebreed, perseverance attitude”, a self-starting, hands-dirty, DIY ethos that’s as much about enthusiasm for music and building a scene as it is firing up pits, they have become one of the most exciting British metal bands of the past decade. When Oli Sykes invited them to join the Bring Me The Horizon-curated All Points East festival two summers ago, he noted that they were ​“one of the few heavy bands around who I actually like”.

Kerrang! had got there before him, mind. In 2017, we crowned Employed To Serve’s second album, The Warmth Of A Dying Sun, our Album Of The Year. Its follow-up, 2019’s Eternal Forward Motion, was awarded a full 5K rating and a spot on our front cover, their second. When they gave us the nod a while ago that they were about to drop the first single from their brilliant fourth album, Conquering, coming this September, we didn’t even need to think about giving them a third.

Like Oli’s band, there’s an energy to Employed To Serve, an orbit around them that feels like it’s pulling in other bands, linking seemingly unlinked outfits together through sheer enthusiasm. Beyond the band, offstage, Justine and Sammy run Church Road Records from their home in the Surrey commuter town of Woking (a place notably annihilated by Martians in H.G. Wells’ War Of The Worlds). Through this, they can sign and put out music by bands that they like: the only real signing policy amounting to ​“bands that excite me”, says Justine. There’s as much gratefulness towards the artists they release – Svalbard, Palm Reader, Cruelty, to name but three – for trusting them to look after their records, as there is to anyone who gives their own band the time of day.

“As cheesy as it sounds, we’re lifers,” says Justine. ​“I love music. I love releasing it. I love that I do it for a full time job. I love playing live. First and foremost, we are music fans. Obviously, we love being in a band and stuff. But we just live and breathe music.”

As with so many things for so many people, the depth of this dedication was thrown into sharp focus as COVID took hold last year. At the end of 2019, Employed To Serve were on a winning streak. Eternal Forward Motion was one of the year’s most acclaimed releases, they band had spent a month on the road with Bury Tomorrow in Europe and the UK, and on New Year’s Eve, Sammy and Justine put a bow on their long-term relationship by tying the knot. In March 2020, just before lockdown ended touring for everyone, the band’s UK headlining run just about snuck in, and saw them sell out London’s Camden Underworld, a show that ended in chaos with the audience onstage triumphantly carrying Sammy on their shoulders.

When things ground to a halt, the gap left was palpable. Once source of reflection came in taking stock in what the band had achieved, while also having to find a replacement for guitarist Richard Jacobs. It’s an exercise the pair are admittedly used to, to the point where Justine says, ​“We probably look like dictators, like it’s the Sammy and Justine show.”

To wit, keen observers will note that they are the only members of Employed To Serve to be on both this Kerrang! cover and the last one. There’s no bad blood anywhere – Richard left to move to Japan with his wife, drummer Robbie Back has become a dad, bassist Marcus Gooda went on to focus on other things – it was simply the wage of getting older in a band. When life’s forks come up, you have to make a choice. For Sammy and Justine, the choice just happens to be to stay the course. Three new members have been drafted into the band – guitarist David Porter, bassist Nathan Pryor and drummer Casey McHale – but it still provided a moment of reflection for what was actually important.

Another, more serious bit of stock-taking came last September, when Justine resigned from her job as a label manager at Holy Roar records, after serious assault allegations were made against the label’s owner. Soon after, that label folded entirely.

But in both cases, where events could have sown doubt or caused serious damage, things instead bloomed. And so, Sammy and Justine turned Church Road – a small concern of Sammy’s for years already – into a full-time occupation and livelihood, taking on Holy Roar releases already on the slate and pressed, and releasing them herself. In the case of their first release, Svalbard’s When I Die, Will I Get Better?, there was barely a month to move everything over, and yet it still hit the shelves on the day it was always intended to. Because, looking back, it’s almost like there was no other consideration than to carry on.

“When everything happened, I thought, ​‘Maybe I could go to a bigger label or something.’ But that’s not where my heart is,” says Justine. ​“My heart is in finding bands in tiny little venues and then helping them grow into their second hours and stuff. And it’s just more fun. Obviously, it’s very scary [running your own label], and I’ve spent a lot of this past year very stressed. But I don’t have to answer to anyone – I just do the best I can for the bands because I love them. My favourite thing is sitting on Bandcamp with a coffee or a beer, and going through each genre finding the best bands of that day, or going through Apple Music or Spotify and finding new bands. It has been like that since I was a kid. So doing a record label just makes sense.

“Obviously I wish it was under better circumstances, but COVID has been almost like a blessing for this band, because it’s helped us regroup,” she continues. ​“It made us take stock of all the cool shit we’ve been lucky enough to do. Because sometimes when you get caught in the rat race of everything, you’re never really living in the moment. And then COVID happens, and you think, ​‘What do I miss?’ Friends, family, playing shows. And I’m like, ​‘Cool, I’m doing the right thing. Let’s get back to it.’”

For Justine, this meant becoming the boss. For Sammy, already a music obsessive with an apparent addiction to both old-school death metal and playing guitar in as many bands as possible as a member of Renounced and Motormouth (as well as playing in Glorious with Justine), it was an opportunity to dedicate his life to his passion even further. A gardener by trade, he’d lately found himself wondering what was beyond it.

“I was doing gardening work on and off for the last 10 or so years. I enjoyed the work, but sometimes I would kind of find myself being a little bit like, ​‘What’s the five-year plan?’” he says. ​“I’ll always do the band. But we got a few members going off and doing other stuff. I knew I had to find something else to do, because I wanted to do something in music that also fit around being in the band. I just knew I wanted to be with like-minded people talking about music all day.”

Sammy and Justine talk about music a lot. Get Sammy started on metal, and his enthusiasm quickly runs away with him. For Justine, their impending gig at Download Pilot a couple of days after our interview is as much about watching everyone else as it is their own show. Though one of the heaviest bands on the line-up, as a showcase of the breadth of rising talent the British rock scene has, appearing on the same ticket as Enter Shikari, Trash Boat, Creeper, Boston Manor, Neck Deep, Loathe and Conjurer is a large-scale version of what they’ve been driving at for years.

“It’s so funny, because it kind of sounds weird, but within the British scene, it makes total sense,” says Justine. ​“It’s a very rich scene at a minute, and it’s for all spectrums. You have bands like Orchards and Gender Roles on the Big Scary Monsters label, but equally, there’s loads of heavier bands, too. Everyone knows how hard it can be being a British band, because it’s hard to get over to America. And now, unfortunately, it’s gonna be hard to get to Europe [after Brexit]. So everyone’s got this thing like, ​‘We’re this little island here and we need to stick together and support each other.’ It’s a nice collective, and a moment in time to be a part of.”

“Even though we’ve written a more metal record [with Conquering] for us, that’s definitely not a statement of us closing the door,” says Sammy. ​“Obviously we’d love to tour with Gojira or Lamb Of God or something like that. But if Creeper came to us and said, ​‘Do you want to tour with us?’ we’d say yes.”

It was on such a line-up that Justine first appeared on the cover of Kerrang!, alongside Becky Blomfield of much-missed alt.punks Milk Teeth, with whom ETS were touring at the time. It not only showed two rising talents in the British scene, but also how well such different ends of it slotted together. Which was kind of the point.

“We were like the little metal sandwich in that tour,” says Justine. ​“But we worked well, because it was an example of this sort of British scene that’s going on at the moment.”

“People turned up who would be wearing ETS T‑shirts, and then singing along with Milk Teeth and vice versa,” says Sammy. ​“That’s so cool to see. Obviously there’s still a little bit of gatekeeping going on in the world of metal. But, for me, that was a really good sign of a shift.”

“It makes total sense. I don’t know why it’s not more of a thing, having mixed bills like that,” says Justine. ​“Everyone in our generation grew up listening to Slipknot and blink-182; two polarising bands, but it makes total sense. I listen to both of them religiously. So that actually kind of makes sense in a bill. It’s literally a music fan’s show. I remember Thursday opening for My Chemical Romance at Wembley on The Black Parade tour when I was 14, and Reuben opening for Billy Talent as well. I literally got to get into heavier stuff from those mixed line-ups.”

Put it to either of them that between their music, DIY attitude and simple lust for wanting to marshall a scene without walls, Employed To Serve could be called leaders, or at least the setters of examples for others to follow, and it’s a compliment they’ll take, but also something that they don’t want to take too much credit for.

“I mean, it’s for others to say, isn’t it?” says Justine. ​“We just have mental to-do list of stuff we want to achieve. And if that inspires people, that’s sick. It’s never like we try to be the leaders or anything.

“At the end of the day, I love the idea of kids getting into metal because of us and vice versa.”

As such an entry point, Conquering is a very good one. Ultra heavy and explosive, it leans even further into Sammy’s love of death metal OGs like Morbid Angel and Death, plus classic thrash, with shredding solos everywhere, as well as more vocals from the guitarist. And not even changing three-fifths of the band since their last album has had anything other than a sharpening effect. Fundamentally, Conquering is exciting, full of energy, and powered by a deep-set love for simply doing it.

“The floodgates have been opened, I guess, in terms of wearing our influences for this record on our sleeve,” says Sammy. ​“I like to think we still maintain the ETS that was there before, but it’s obvious that during lockdown and leading up to this record, for me it was about early Machine Head and Testament and Exodus and stuff. I feel like this is our chance to show that side of us a bit more.”

“It’s where I feel at home, as well, because I grew up listening to early Lamb of God and ​’90s-era Roadrunner Records bands,” adds Justine. ​“Straight-up metal, but not straight-up metal in the sense that we’re doing it by numbers. We sound like us, but there are more choruses and solos.”

“Lyrically, it’s similar to Eternal Forward Motion and touching on some pretty bleak stuff, but for the most part we tried to put a positive spin on it,” says Sammy. ​“I wanted put all of that energy into something positive. I didn’t want to say the same things again, because I didn’t want to make it sound like it’s the same record. I’d say it’s an even more positive record than before.”

The day we meet for this interview, long after the tape recorder goes off, conversation about bands and music continues into the small hours. Three days later, at Download, as Sammy chucks himself into the crowd at the end of the band’s set and Justine alternates between roaring her head off and smiling her face off, the delight in all this is self-evident. Employed To Serve are one of the best metal bands in the country – one of the best bands full stop, in fact – but on a broader scale, they also act as a reflection of an emerging wave of bands for whom being in a band is an act of joy, of doing something with your life, of not settling for things that are, as Justine says, ​“un-fun”.

“Stuff in the band does get to you sometimes and you do get grouchy or whatever,” admits Sammy. ​“But we realised that we’re also very fortunate people who have played with people that have become our best friends. It’s about taking stock and being like, ​‘This is fun.’ That’s what the album is about. It’s about not letting things in your life get the better of you. Because sometimes they do, and you find yourself getting all aggy, and you’re only doing yourself a disservice at that point, really.”

“I think Henry Rollins said, ​‘Tenacity over talent,’” says Justine. ​“We work hard, but it’s tenacity. You could be the sickest guitar player but just sit in your bedroom and never play a show. No.”

“I mean, I do set myself up for it, where I’m kind of pulling my hair out,” adds Sammy. ​“I’ve had times where I’ve had three or four band practices a week. And there’s a gig this night, and a gig that night, and I’ve got to do this, that and the other. But you’ve gotta be in it to win it. And when a cool gig comes about, or cool tour comes about, or you’re just really happy with what you recorded, that’s when you know it’s worth it.”

As they say themselves, Justine and Sammy are lifers. As other members leave to start families or move abroad to begin the next chapter of their lives, rather than feeling left behind, it’s almost made them realise even more quite what a special thing they have.

When it brings you as much happiness as doing this clearly does, what else do you need? And anyway, it’s worth it to not simply be a cog.

[praphit]

“Black Is King” - nuff said, but I’ll ramble anyway.

"Black is King" is of course Beyonce's new joint, based somewhat on "The Lion King", with an array of African cultures and symbolism at its core. 

Now, I am no different than the rest of you. I am obligated to love all things Beyonce. I have an extra obligation as a black man; not that I don't love everything that she does. I don't want "The Hive" or the Illuminati after me. I'm just saying that even if I didn't care for something that she did or had a slight bit of criticism, I'd be obligated to love it anyway. But, like I said... I love everything that she does anyway, so... we'll just go ahead and give this musical film a Grade: A+ Ok? cool.

Beyonce did everything in this film. Normally, when someone tells me that they wrote, starred in, directed, produced, idk filmed... catered, was the whole I.T. team, etc, I think to myself "This is either going to be awesome or a huge pile of apeshit." But, we all know that The Queen overflows with awesome sauce. I mean look at all of the adulation from the critics.

But, this is an artsy project, so some of you might not understand what's going on. You don't want to be disrespectful, and shine light on your ignorance, so allow me to help you understand some of it, by taking you through it, so you can pay your proper respects.

The film starts off with a baby in the river. I don't know if it's some type of Moses thing going on (who once was a baby floating down a river), but Beyonce ends up with the baby. I don't know if it's Beyonce's child or not. I suppose that Beyonce could have stolen this child. But, you know... it’s Bey. If Beyonce ever kidnaps your child, consider yourself blessed.

And so, The Queen starts singing to the kid as she walks around some gorgeous island.

I'm thinking that this is just a typical morning for Beyonce. While we're all at work on a Monday morning hoping that the next sip of coffee will get our minds ready for another week, Beyonce will be walking on some dream island, singing and dancing, as her servants prep her royal breakfast.

Oh, and there's some blue guy who keeps appearing as well. I'm still not really sure what's going on with him.

THEN, all of a sudden, we're in space. 

Beyonce is there too (kinda in spirit form and glowing), and some old black man talks to us about destiny.

THEN, we're back on earth with some sort of star (possibly) falling quickly from the sky. Superman maybe? Satan (you bible nerds will get that)? Beyonce? Some sort of “Beyonce is God's gift from Heaven” imagery there? Idk. All of a sudden, I didn't care, because... hips.

Lots of hips start shaking in front of us.

I’d show you a pic or gif, but I’m afraid that some of you don’t know not to stare into Beyonce and her dancers hips - it’s like the ark of the covenant, if you don’t take breaks.

But, let me tell you... MY GOD.

A true goddess! As I think more about it, her godly powers throughout this visual album/film were spot-on dance choreography and unlimited stimulating outfits.

And of course... eternal hips.

Like all stories, we at some point must get to the villain. I guess you could follow along and say that Beyonce's possibly stolen child grew up a bit, left home, and found his way to some dude who looked like young Bobby Brown. 

Imagine Bobby Brown wearing an awkward amount of gold chains and holding a yellow snake.

Some of you probably don't remember the "king of R&B". Well, it's debatable whether he was or not; he certainly believed that he was, but I wonder who would call themselves the king or queen of R&B today? 

There's this guy, who is self-proclaimed... 

I affectionately refer to him as “J-Squeezy”. 

I think that I was half asleep when I first tried to pronounce his name, and that's what came out. He'll always be "J-Squeezy" to me.

Maybe Jhene Aiko (one of my wives). 

Though some might say Justin Bieber. Can you imagine all of the R&B legends look up from bended knee, and are forced to give high praise to their “king” 

- The Biebs? 

That's just plain sad.

So, Bobby Brown, some sexy woman in a red dress, a yellow snake, and a monkey scratching its butt all tempted Beyonce's probably stolen child. Now, the kid... idk what happened to him... he's a drug dealer or something now. ... idk.

BOOM! And like that, Jessie Reyez (whom I love!) is on the scene.

Her and a dancing motorcycle gang are in the woods doing God knows what, until some dude, who thinks he's a lion ends the scene (Scar from "The Lion King"? Idk).

We are then transported to a funeral. Everything is white. Beyonce is there, and in all white. But, things take an artsy, dark turn, and now it looks like Beyonce is dead. BUT, Jay-Z finally shows up to the rescue. I don't know where he has been; probably hanging out with his new buddy.

All of a sudden, we're back to their house/mansion on the island and Jay-Z is picking Beyonce up to go to some club. Then, they enter the club in slow motion. Which again, I feel like they probably do that sort of thing all of the time. Jay and Bey just walking in slo-mo to make an entrance.

It's a wild party with synchronized swimmers (yep), human chess pieces (yep), and Jay and Bey eating soul food. 

Just another night.

Jay-Z must have went to bed early or something, because immediately Beyonce is transported to some other club in the inner city. There are a lot of sexy dudes around. Idk if maybe Jay and Bey have got some sort of Will and Jada sitch going on.

Oh, and these designs at this No-Jay-Z’s-Allowed-Club were dope... weird, but dope! Unfortunately, I couldn’t find pics of them online, but they kinda gave me a “Silent Hill” vibe - 

Pretty much the same :) (Illuminati)

But, the scenes of this "flick" never stay dark, they always go back to vibrant colors with the African cultures vibe. All of a sudden, the colors are back and the kids (lots of kids out of nowhere... possibly ALL stolen) are with Beyonce, and they're all playing patty cake.

Wait, was "patty cake" appropriated from Africa? Dammit, white people.

Then, things got a lil confusing (THEN:) with what appeared to be random stories of random peoples lives. It was as if cameras were set-up at random events such as weddings, parties, etc. Is Beyonce "big brother"? When I "people watch", I'm just at a park or looking out of my window. Apparently, when Beyonce "people watches", she spies on us all.

Someone quoted something about "Remember who you are." Something else about how “We're all kings (except for Beyonce's servants)”, and you need to go get what is yours... or something. And someone else said "Child of dust return to the river" I think we all know what that means.

Annnnd more blue guy. 

I’m starting think that the blue guy was just in Bey’s head the whole time. 

At one point, there was a bunch of blue guys, and they were all dancing.

I could go on, but that's enough; it's just more of that.

I will say this - I loved the fashion, the locations, the dances, and the music... WOW! I love everything culturally about "Black Is King", as well as the overall statement (artistically) that its making..

However... now, I'm not saying that I’M saying this, but some might say that throughout this 1hr and 25min long medley of music videos that they found themselves saying often "What the hell am I watching?" I repeat, I AM NOT SAYING THAT. Perhaps some just might not get it. Perhaps, not unlike this year (2020), there's no real meaning. Now, it could be divine retribution. Maybe all of the worlds doctors and scientists are conspiring against us (and themselves). Or maybe the world wasn't well prepared for this pandemic. Maybe the arrogance in SOME parts of the world

 are making their sitch worse, and MAYBE there's no meaning to give it. Maybe we simply need to start finally listening to one another and quit being assholes. Maybe 2020 is a year merely to be suffered through, and hopefully you'll make it to the end. Not that "Black is King" is something to be suffered through. I gave it an A+ remember? And I certainly, definitely, unequivocally finished it. I'm just... rambling like I do.

Do you remember any of the imagery from the movie "The Ring" - allow me to refresh you memory:

(Adele? How did you get in there?)

You know, just a lot of confusing shit (though I love that movie btw).

I'm reminded of this, because the images in this movie had no dialogue to them; we all had to join the main character in figuring it all out.

Now, picture that, but instead of the creepy girl, we're blessed with Beyonce, and it's in color... and smear Africa on it. BOOM! That's art! Who wouldn't want 1hr and 25mins of that??!

All hail The Queen.

[viridiansindria]

So thoughts on the Eternal Anniversary Event now that I've finished Part 1 (Chapters 1-6)

Honestly pretty disappointed?

After all the hype, the truckload of Buddhist references, and the supposed Seox focus it just ends up as yet another Stardust Town story.

Stardust Town has never made sense, but by Bahamut did they succeed at making it make even less sense than before.

So Stardust Town is on the most prime real estate on an island that is located in a killer location trade wise. Because of that there's been all kinds of wars fought over it creating a ton of orphans who were then just left to rot on the side while people continued to war for the islands. Which eventually gives it a reputation as a place to dump orphans and unwanted children. Okay sure fine.

The powerful Magasin mafia family who are its current owners and have been for decades for whatever reason were unable to get the 'kids' to leave despite controlling the rest of the island either by force or coercion. Cue Tien and Feower who steadily become more and more bullshit until they're well- their current Eternal selves.

Instead of stopping as they're bleeding money and personnel in a futile effort that's never going to work and hasn't for decades they continue to poke the bears that could obliterate their entire organization in under a day. And only don't for the meme reason of "other criminal organizations are equally stupid and will for some reason also impale themselves upon the Eternals swords."

And the orphans and unwanted children of Stardust Town can't just leave and find and settle in new homes because the Magasin Family hates children so much that they'll chase them to the very end of the skies for a chance at murdering them.

To repeat;

While the lands of Stardust Town are valuable the Magasin Family owns and fully controls the rest of the equally valuable island Stardust Town is on

They have routinely failed to reclaim said land for whatever reason for years before Tien and Feower become Bullshit Strong

They are fully aware that Tien and Feower are bullshit strong and capable of taking on armies and by proxy them

They explicitly piss away money and personnel by dicking with Stardust Town and pissing off Feower and Tien who already have a preexisting grudge

Despite how much they supposedly want that land they would hunt down and kill all the children who leave it and continue to pester Tien and Feower

And other criminal organizations and mafia families with little to no connection with the Magasin are equally lacking in anything resembling brains and would also do this no matter how many criminal organizations Tien and Feower tag team to utter destruction

Mugen illustrates my feelings on this well

On the topic Mugen honestly disappointed me. He's basically just DBS Broly: really buff, super OP child in a man's body. I was expecting something more epic out of the Eternal event that they've been holding back for years until more of the playerbase had at least one, especially when it comes after and is supposed to be comparable to the amazing WMTSB trilogy.

Tfw you expect more lore on the SSB skin but instead all you get is

Its not all bad however, the Eternals interactions were all great, the GBF team seems to be taking a page out of Dragalia Lost and started using more minor animation to liven things up, and while in the long run its very minor/presumably a plot thread for his upcoming event SSR Danchou getting super upset at their deadbeat dad leaving them to go and help raise another kid briefly was nice.

Lecia also got to do something!!!! (of dubious usefulness but still) and appear in an event! Is this the start of the Year of Lecia/the Enforcers?

Walfrid is the (as far as I remember) the first Luminary Knight to appear in an event

Asha was there to say "Mama" in a sexy voice

Rei sets a new record for old Harvins being over 400 years old and was apparently Anre's old boss/caretaker and at least partially the inspiration behind his use might to make things right philosophy. She didn't do much but she used her time pretty well (and actually acknowledged some of the umm what of Stardust Town)

Seofon wasn't bullied at all for once (although he actually deserves it this time. Given the blow that would have killed Fif/injured Seox was the swordbeam he chose to deflect.)

Mugen at least looks cool and his battle theme (The Watershed of History) rocks even if it doesn't hit anywhere close to Zero, The Ultimate or Parade's Lust.

Nehan's design is great, he seems interesting and there's hope he'll be further expanded/more done with him given how Part One of the event ends and Seox's event SSR outfit.

Edit: Corrected some typos and the dupe Mugen pic.

[star-villager]

Ezra: Month 1 of Animal Crossing New Horizons!

Hello all! I’m here to tell my journey of the first month of New Horizons on Cillia Island!

There’ll be lots of pictures! I hope you enjoy! Future updates will probably be daily because this is... long at first... but I promise it slows down!

This post covers 32 days (skipping a few). It is indented to be a fun, long, read! I’ll say it’s a 10-15 minute read just to be on the longer side!

-Ezra; Island Resident Representative; Local Island Decorator; Mayor of Cillia (if it had a mayor hehe!)

Thursday, March 19th, 4pm -7GMT. The virus is present, but just starting. I have been home for not even 24 hours of my job that was supposed to keep me out of town all March. I make a phone call to a local Gamestop, asking if they’re still open, and how the midnight release of Animal Crossing is going to work. The worker tells me I can go pick it up right then, because they’re going to be closing early and had JUST gotten a phone call from corporate that they could give it out early - you can assume what I did /immediately/ after lol.

~~~

Starting was incredibly easy! I’ve had my dead name as my New Leaf Mayor forever, and I loved that city name so Ezra and Cillia it was! And we began! My starting villagers were Cherry and Roald with Cherry Trees (fitting!), and I said I wasn’t gonna restart no matter what... so here we go!

I picked a town that had a West Beach River Mouth as well as a South River Mouth - which matched my town in New Leaf! (The south exit, and the flow of the river - but the west exit would be where my original upper waterfall was so the shape was the same). Picked northern hemisphere (where I am). And placed my house right in a river bend (with the initial plan to section me off into my own island within an island!). Cherry and Roald’s homes were placed along the west-running river right at the top, with not much effort or forethought. Not that it was a bad thing! I knew they wouldn’t be permanent villagers, but wanted to give them some beautiful scenery while they were here.

I can definitely tell that I’m still acting and thinking like a mayor even thought I’m only an island rep. ... this doesn’t change bwahaha!

Day 1 March 19th, was all setup and prep for our REAL day 1! Blathers already was about to have a decent encyclopedia, and I was getting nook miles left and right - already expecting a house instead of a tent the next day. I wasn’t too surprised, I’ve done this song and dance before, and I’m just here to have a great time in my island paradise! Getting Blathers was definitely my highest priority!

Day 2 March 20th, was... difficult... giving 15 things to Blathers one at a time and finding 30 iron for the Nooklings was excruciating lol - but getting fossils and a pole vault to absolutely DECIMATE the weed ecosystem filled me with a glee that I’m sure you can understand. I managed to upgrade my house, get Blathers and Nooks Cranny all in one day *whew*. Now, time to have some fun!

I build my first QR code which was a cool outfit I called PRIDE Coat! It is a black coat with drawstrings and pockets on the front - a lil’ trans flag on the left arm, a bi flag on the right arm, and my (pretty decent!) attempt at a rainbow of paint (in the gay flag colors) falling down my back! And I made an Iwatobi Swim Club Beanie to match the one I wear every day!!

I then played with my Passport a bit to have my title be “Future Fish” which is Free! Eternal Summer (the second season’s) Ending Song!!!! Which I thought was SUPER cute and VERY me. (It’s my second fave anime. I plan on making a Reigisa outfit in the future!!).

Already by the end of Day 2 I had my hair customization options, the tool wheel, and the DIY that I needed to buy. Everything Nook was offering I managed to get my grubby little day 2 hands on! So you KNOW my hair went to pink pigtails IMMEDIATELY. And took /many/ photos. But since my outfits are all the same just imagine the ones you just saw but with pink instead of blonde!

With that it was time to get my 3 villagers that would accompany Cherry and Roald (This correlates to getting the iron for Nooklings!) I wanted to grab the first 3 villagers that I saw just to try some new friends this go around - as I had already planned on making my New Leaf family my permies! So my first three were Ketchup (nice!), Hornsby (Aww!!), and... GALA!?!?

Well how convenient! That was one permie immediately out of the way!! Welcome back, Gala!!! So excited to have you on the island!

Then I caught an Oarfish and saw *GASP* WISP!!!! To which, I immediately ran up to him and demanded he bring my girlfriend, Cece the Squirrel, to the island. He, instead, got spooked, had me collect his spirit, and offered me items. *sigh* Ok - can’t get Cece that way - so I decided to sleep!

How naive I was...

Day 3 March 21st, was both good and bad! I had access to Nooklings, but that was about it. Blathers was getting a crowded amount of critters outside his roped off building, but it would be all worth it, tomorrow. But!! I found my first spider island! Which I sold off to Nooklings and happily went to sleep!

Day 4 March 22nd, had SO MUCH to offer! Blathers, Daisy Mae, Harvy, WHEW. Pretty sure I had a visit from Gulliver either today or yesterday, too! Nothing could POSSIBLY ruin this day!!

Oh how wrong.

How so terribly wrong I was.

Animal Crossing New Horizons is an incredible game that lets you invite so many villagers to your island!

All of them. But 14.  

14 Villagers from New Leaf are not available. The Sanrio Characters. And the Amiibo Characters.

No Felyne. No Ganon, Epona, Medli, or W. Link. No Viche or Inkwell. No Rilla, Chai, Morty, or Etoille.

No Toby.

No Chelsea.

...

No Cece.

...

To say that I was devastated would be an understatement. I was absolutely crushed. Not only were 3 of my permies out, but the one villager I couldn’t live without, wasn’t allowed in the game. She didn’t even get a poster.

So I did what any crushed lover would do, and made a memoir to her.

And it started raining. Poetic. (I was only cheered up slightly when I got to catch a Coelacanth!) I didn’t do this until much later (April 4th) but for the sake of not talking about her too much, I would open New Leaf and wrote her a goodbye love letter, which, honestly, makes me tear up whenever I read it.

And I went to sleep.

I have nothing for Day 5 other than scanning all my amiibo cards for the POSTERS which are UNDOUBTEDLY my FAVORITE new feature in the game!!

Day 6, March 24th, GALA MOVED IN! I was so excited, and it was definitely needed. My best friend also came over and we goofed off and we met each other’s villagers! Then I went to an island tour and got A PANSY HYBRID ISLAND!!!! OOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! I went crazy. Absolutely destroyed that ecosystem. I went full feral. MINE. ALL MINE!!!

And I caught my first Sturgeon!! Which was awesome because I only had the rare fish left in my March collection! Trying to get a Golden Trout, I made many many fish bait, and got the 200 clam achievement! Which was exciting because that unlocked “Mermaid” for titles!! I doubt I’ll change from Future Fish, but Mermaid would be a second pick!

For Day 7 I went to a good friend’s village and desperately tried to make Chiyuki Fujito’s blue dress from Runway de Waratte... it didn’t work... but I like the attempt! (Will send pics in messenger if you’re curious!).

Day 8, March 26th, was the day ISABELLE WAS HERE!!! Welcome to your island paradise, QUEEN. I definitely dressed for the part ;)

This, of course, opened up tunes and flag options! Flag was incredibly easy. It’s going to stay my picture of Cece until she’s added back into the game (which will probably be never, so...)

The tunes was much harder for me. But since I couldn’t think of anything else I made it “SO. NO. CHI. NO. SA. DA. ME.” from the first Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure Opening (which is, ironically, what is playing as I type this... SO NO CHI NO SA DA ME <- was written in time with the music playing. Incredible.) It’s definitely not going to be that forever, but for now it makes me giggle!

Nothing for Day 9 except for a SICK tarantula island :) love those furry babes! I also built my campsite! Tomorrow was going to be big!! Who on Earth was going to move in!?

Day 10, March 28th, now, I have what I like to call “chaotic luck”. I’ll catch the bus, but my gosh did I almost miss it. I was absolutely positive I failed that test, and I did, but the question I messed up doesn’t count and I passed! Cece isn’t in the game but do you know who’s at my campsite??

OFFICE

HETEROCHROMIA

TSUNDERE

TRANS

CAT

EXTRAORDINAIRE

RAAAAAAAAAAAYMOND!!!!

Can you even imagine my face??? Can you IMAGINE the jaw drop??  I moved him next to me IMMEDIATELY.

Day 12, March 30th, I saw kicks for the first time!!! Love that funky newsie skunk!

Day 13, March 31st, I saw Flick for the first time!!! Went on a mad tarantula hunt and made BANK. Fun story, I thought both Flick and C.J. were girls, so when I learned Flick was a boy I was really upset because I thought a canon gay ship was now straight, but WHOOPS they’re BOTH boys! 😎 Nice.

I also saw Celeste for the first time!!! Gosh how I missed her!! I actually sat and got all 200 stars in one night, just because of how much I like wishing on falling stars!!!

Day 14, April 1st, The Nightmare Begins. Love him or Hate him, Zipper was here. I won’t go on about the eggs. Everyone talks about the eggs. They sucked, fishing was a nightmare, not a big fan. I would end up not getting all the sakura DIYs which was very upsetting (but I’ll just get them next year). In INCREDIBLE news I got a golden trout!!! Which was the last thing I needed in my March encyclopedia - and it was on to April hunting! Every night thing I could get, I did! So I decided to set up my last 4 houses, and focus on getting K.K. Slider finally to my island!

The first house sold naturally to Pecan! NICE! I love squirrels so much! She was very welcome!

Day 15, April 2nd, in the interest in getting new villagers, I went on a tour and there she was: MERENGUE! She’s, truthfully, not a favorite of mine. She’s SO cute, but not someone I wanted permanently. However, she’s my other best friend’s FAVORITE and she doesn’t have a switch. So, there was NO WAY I wasn’t taking Merengue onto my island. I haven’t sent my friend pics, yet, but I hope I can soon!! She’s gonna be so happy!

Today was the first day I met C.J. which... stunning. Absolutely jaw dropping. I’m SMITTEN with a TAKEN BEAVER. He calls me fashionista. Asks about my anglersona. Takes selfies of/with me. He’s truly the ideal. I’d invite him back any day!

Over the next 3 days, Freya and Bruce move in as my last 2 villagers giving us a grand starting total of: Cherry, Roald, Ketchup, Hornsby, Gala, Raymond, Pecan, Merengue, Freya, and Bruce! Not bad not bad!

Day 19, April 6th, THE BEST GIRL IS HEEERE. LABEL CAME TO MY TOWN FOR THE FIRST TIME. I might have cried, honestly. I cannot believe someone that incredible would want to come to my island. She asked for me to give her an official look. Are you kidding me? Easy breezy. For my perfect outfit she rewarded me a Label Hat. Oh? DESIGNER? I was awestruck. The design was IMPECCABLE. The flavor was IMMACULATE.

One of my villagers also happened to gift me a Pink SPRITE COSTUME??? I, honestly, have never been more in love with an outfit in my entire life??? A pink Peter Pan outfit??? LEGENDARY.

Day 20, April 7th, I don’t quite remember what day K.K. Slider visited the island when I hit my 3 star rating - so we’ll say it was today lol. That meant ISLAND EDITING, but I didn’t know what to do, yet, so I didn’t worry too much about it!

Label’s hat came in MORE COLORS in the store today. YOU BET I bought all of them. The talent. But this meant that I had a pink hat to match my pink sprite costume and you bet I was LIVING my best life. I had also finished the Anklyosaurus which is my FAVORITE dinosaur so I was LIVING it up.

Later, Ketchup would approach me and ask to move. I was happy for her to explore new lands and bid her farewell, and gave her a sweet goodbye. With that, it was hunting time, and I found the perfect villager that would set everything in motion.

Day 22, April 9th, Label VISITS AGAIN!!!!!! Unfortunately, she asked for a sporty look, which I couldn’t pull off perfectly :/ So no new item from her... but my OUTFIT WAS FIRE AND WE WERE MAD CUTE TOGETHER.

Day 23, April 10th, the villager has moved in, the cryptid gyroid herself, COCO!!!

And her moving in gave me a BRILLIANT idea. I’d like to keep it under wraps for now, but I’m so, so, SO happy she’s here!

Day 24, April 11th, The Fishing Tourney. The Summer tourney will be significantly easier for me, now that I know you can double your points by fishing with someone else, but it took me HOURS to collect all the clams and get to 300 points. It wasn’t really worth it, but I love fish so much so I wasn’t going to miss a SINGLE thing. I got that gold trophy and I’m SO proud of myself.

Also my fishing outfit could slay for MILES

Straight Fire.

Day 25, April 12th, With a golden trophy in hand and the last day of eggies, I was feeling really confident. I had the means and the idea to change cliffs + water for a couple days and just... made what my brain came up with! I’ll keep this vague for now, because I’m really excited about the final results! Just know that everyday I edit a little bit more and come up with more ideas!

Day 26, April 13th, Happy Homestuck, Neil Bangs out the Tunes, and Thomas Sanders goes to the Wedding Day!! And it did NOT disappoint. Label for A 3RD TIME!!! She must like me as much as I like her >w<!! Today she gave out her cap!!! It’s, honestly, not my thing, I’d rather stick with the brim hats, but I do think they’re cute!! So I would buy them all the next day! The Able Sister’s haul on Day 27 was oh my gosh amazing!!! They had the cap, of course, but they also had THE OTHER SPRITE COSTUMES!! Which I bought all of them. And now I wear, near exclusively, this outfit in 5 different colors bwahaha!

Day 30, April 17th, I got my first golden item!!! The slingshot! Nice! Over the past few days, I’ve just been designing, moving houses, and building ramps! Learning new myth debunks, stuff like that!

I was also blessed with 3 encounters :OOOO I didn’t know this was even POSSIBLE!?

Day 31, April 18th, Disaster Strikes. I’ve been moving so many homes that I didn’t consider that a villager couldn’t move in because you were already doing a home thing for the day. So when I went to invite camper Gonzo to my town he declined!? I was devastated. He was SO cute and I thought he could move into Bruce’s house to keep the peace of personalities! I think he’s someone in the future who I’ll ask for a poster of or ask for an amiibo card of! I know I’m going to check the campsite first before moving any buildings from here on out! D’:

And that brings us to today,

Day 32, April 19th, one month from the day I started. I’ve been having the TIME of my life! There’s definitely been some ups and downs, but I have a goal in mind and it’s keeping me so focused! I organized an entire flower field today!! Due to a turnip mishap, I happen to be 2 days ahead of everyone, but I have been good about time traveling other than that. This means that I am fortunate enough to get my Nooklings upgrade 2 days early and they’ll be open tomorrow!!! I’m... I’m so excited!!! I NEED more flower seeds!!!!!!!

The future looks incredibly bright on Cillia island, and I cannot wait to hear about everyone else’s month!!

Thank you for your time. Please enjoy these random favorite photos of mine!

[drrockbell]

Edward Elric (because I want to see) but also Lucy from Fairy Tail (I want to know why you like her and NaLu so much)

Thank you sooo much for the ask!

Edward Elric

How I feel about this character

He’s my short, demisexual, agnostic representation. He’s brash sometimes, but he’s like the nicest person in the world. I wonder how easy it’d be to befriend him. He looks like he’s so busy all the time.

All the people I ship romantically with this character

Just Winry. I’ve loved them from a young age (8) and I personally see their love as eternal and nothing will ever change that.

My non-romantic OTP for this character

Ling, obvs. I know that the ship is extremely popular, but I really don’t see it. They’re just really good buddies who talk about how amazing their girlfriends are and Ling occasionally crashes at Ed’s place when he doesn’t feel like doing emperor work.

My unpopular opinion about this character

This is EXTREMELY unpopular but I feel like in 03 Ed was made a bit too desirable romantically, including in the games. There’s implied feelings from Noah, Rose’s final arc is all about him, there’s that strange obsession from Dante, and in the games there are, I believe, 5 different girls with implied feelings (there’s apparently a scene where Sophie walks in on Ed in the shower) Learning that there was supposed to be a love triangle b/w Ed, Noah, and Alfonse made me cry

I’ve just never liked the sexual tension and implied feelings that’s common between the main protagonist and the “new girl.” And it is SO overused in anime and distasteful. (If anyone has ever seen more than two movies of Naruto then they’ve definitely seen this) They do this with Roy too in 03.

That’s why I’m a lot more comfortable with Ed’s romantic life in BH because they just focused on one person and didn’t do that particular type of fan service. (In BH Al is the one who gets all the attention without making him out to be this major desired guy)

For me, it just hurts my feelings a bit especially when I know that Winry is keeping Ed in her thoughts, has no other men or romances in her life (because you know girls have to be good and only think of one guy while he attracts as much attention as possible 🙄), and a simple phone call would be enough to make her happy. So I just don’t see why they had to introduce and force in these other characters when a canon relationship was already established.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon

Not live the rest of his life in Germany

You know I noticed that Edward has never once spent the night alone. He has never spent a long period by himself ever. I wish there was a point where he was truly all by himself (I’m not counting fighting Kimblee bc it didn’t last long, there were other allies somewhere, and he made friends with Darius and Heinkel quick)

Also, I wish in BH his morals would have been challenged the way they were in 03. That would have made the perfect FMA for me.

Also, I don’t know if I want this to happen or not, but Ed getting taller?

On one hand he’s perfect the way he was and was able to find love being 4’11’ (huge inspiration) but on the other hand, 30 year old Edward Elric is daddy🤷🏻‍♀️

———————————————————————

Lucy Heartfilia

How I feel about this character

She’s sooo sweet! I feel like she get put in the back burner a lot and the her enemies hurt her give a strong rape vibe, so that just makes me feel for her more. She gets insulted a lot for her outfits and physical weakness, and it’s not even her fault. She’s actually the most innocent, most abstinent character, but gets criticized a lot by people who don’t know FT.

When I first started watching FT, she just reminded me of Winry. They’re not all that much alike, they’re just real bubbly and have similar senses of humor and they both just looked a lot alike so I think that drew me into her.

All the people I ship romantically with this character

Just Natsu. So there are a lot of reasons why I ship them.

I think from the outside they look like you’re stereotypical hotheaded protagonist and preppy girl ship, but they aren’t that at all.

I found this to be so strange, but apparently they weren’t even supposed to be a ship! I thought from all of the canon art and screenshots that they were already together, so I confused (and bothered as hell) when I realized they weren’t even planned! They’re endgame now, though, once the creator grew to really love them together.

One reason I love them together is that for each personality on of them has, the other can match it.

Like if Natsu wants to joke around and play games, Lucy matches that perfectly. Or if Lucy is deep in thought and is bothered by something, Natsu notices immediately and will drop everything to help her.

I feel like before Lucy joined Fairy Tail Natsu was a bit more closed off and spent most of his time at home or on jobs. He fought a lot (in a good way) with everyone else, but I don’t think he really had any friends until Lucy. Gray was a rival and Erza was someone he usually just avoided out of fear. I think she made him more open and sociable.

He spends far more time at her house than his own, tries to read her book (and let’s be clear. Natsu doesn’t read ANYTHING) she’s the only person he consistently goes on jobs with.

I think the moment that really touched me was when Natsu truly thought she died and it put him in such a heartbreak he didn’t care about anything except revenge (we know the affects of END gave him the demonic flames and aura, but that anger and despair was all for her)

They can be goofy, they can sit down and talk about nothing, and they can be tender with each other.

I can go on for days, but those are all my highlights.

My non-romantic OTP for this character

Juvia! I wish they had more screen time together that’s not just “love rival!” stuff. They just have a really cool dynamic and we know that they’re really good friends.

My unpopular opinion about this character

Kinda what I mentioned above, I just feel like whenever she’s being attacked by an enemy there’s just... a rape vibe to it.

For ALL the characters, male or female, they always dress inappropriate for battle and lose their clothing in battles. It’s a sexual anime, without the sexual content.

But with Lucy... they always do this torturous, invasive way of hurting her and I don’t like it.

Like when they’re on the island and there’s this gigantic man hitting her repeatedly from behind and picking her up by her head and just how almost ever enemy is like, “I’m gonna strip you, hahaha” that bothers me and I don’t miss how it’s done to Lucy, the most vulnerable and innocent character, more than everyone else.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon

I wish her attacks were more space like! So we’ve got the zodiac thing going on and that’s awesome, but I can see her having powers similar to Captain Marvel.

She’s a celestial girl, so if she had some anti-gravity, supernova stuff going on it would be so cool and it’d fit for her magic type and the show.

Also I don’t want her to be the girl everyone saves anymore. She’s gone one so many jobs and has been training, but the creators still use her as an outlet for someone else to look cool and heroic because they save her.

It’s not even close to being her fault, they just need to write differently than they have.

[animusbell]

Hm! So! @nintenerd64 tagged me to list top 10 female characters from different pieces of media, like, a million years ago, SORRY FOR TAKIN’ FOREVER.

so let’sssss DO it. in no particular order;

1. Undyne from Undertale. Because how could I not list my favorite character from my favorite game! Ultimate lesbiab...

[Pictured above: challenging a 10 yr old to armed combat inside her own home, which is on fire] She is... passionate about passion, for lack of eloquence?? She LOVES Alphys not bc she’s a nerd but because Alphys is excited about what she does & what she likes. That’s just, so good. Being excited for others’ excitement, and just being passionate in general, is a trait I actively try to cultivate in myself.

2. Chie from Sakana. She’s just. Really Good.

[Pictured above: devising a nefarious plot to talk to her BF at work]

She’s just so funny and good and perceptive, a genuinely cool person rather than Girl To Be Romanced(tm)... ((Honorable mention: Sango, the wonderful gal pulling off this plot))

3. Garnet from Steven Universe. Because I’ve gotta, right?

[Pictured above in THE BEST OUTFIT EVER. THE COMBO TUX-DRESS DROPPED MY JAW 2 THE FLOOR.]

Made of love!!! Powerful! Confident! My favorite character from when I first started SU way back in 2013. And I found out I had 2 extremely good lesbians for the price of one. Wonderful, beautiful, we have come so far,

4. Rosemaster from Cucumber Quest. Trans ICON. I just got book 4 recently and I’m SO delighted to see her in physical print.

[Pictured above: Elegant. Stunning. Showing off that vine power with STYLE.]

She’s SO good, and her depth of character is astounding, and her magic power is super creative??? And the way the Roselings love her genuinely because she’s kind to them--yes. YES!!!

((Honorable mention: Glitchmaster, because hell YEAH we are past exclusively nonbinary “robots.” give me more sentient computers that have chosen a gender for themselves and organic people who are nonbinary.))

5. Lucretia from The Adventure Zone

[Pictured above: inoculating some goofs]

She’s fantastic! A female character who’s allowed to make massive mistakes and still be redeemed--that’s rare. And she has such a fantastic development and depth to her character, too, the way she grew during the Stolen Century, the way she interacts with characters, her top notch deadpan goofs... we stan.

6. Johanna (Hilda’s mom) from Hilda

[Pictured above: about to be asked if she’s talking to herself]

Ninte put Hilda herself on the list and i’ve just gotta include this absolute mom of the year. Can I just say, Johanna really struck me from the first episode because of how she treats Hilda (as a capable girl, but still being a reasonably protective mom all the same) and how she’s a character w/ personality and goals in her own right!

I genuinely didn’t know whether to expect a Gravity Falls “that stuff’s not real, dont interact with it” situation or not, but in the moment when she both acknowledged the supernatural stuff AND was okay with Hilda adventuring through it, i just... i really liked that?? I really like that she’s a sensible & important character in her own right instead of a Mom Stereotype of some sort, and I also like her interactions w/ characters other than Hilda, like Alfur (in the image) and David (reassuring him when their souls were gettin’ stolen)

7. Sulla from O Human Star

[pictured above: p l e a s e just do this for me let me have human soup dont out me]

Sulla is so good!! And her narrative is SO important, her struggles with identity and her finding someone like her but still different, and trying to fit in with others. She’s really important, my favorite flyin’ robot gal, bless.

8. Toph from Avatar: The Last Airbender

[pictured above: absolutely destroyin’ a tournament]

Toph is just extremely good. Is there even anything else to say about how good Toph is anymore? She’s a disabled character who still absolutely gets her due and invents an entire new form of earthbending. Also! One of my favorite (and most relatable) moments in the show is still her reaction to her Ember Island Players actor... absolutely fantastic.

9. Ciela from Phantom Hourglass

[pictured above: thinking that because he wasn’t moving, Link was done for]

BET YOU DIDN’T EXPECT A ZELDA FAIRY ON THIS LIST. Phantom Hourglass was the first game I ever played that had like... a story instead of being a series of weird educational minigames. Lots of good memories. Ciela had a very good journey of self-discovery and also every time she sasses Linebeck gives me life.

10. Nyneve from Witchy

[pictured above: ‘bout to do Somethin’ Real Bad]

Nyneve is such a fantastic character and I’m loving her journey so far. A character who clearly has a lot of struggles and flaws but is also so strong and smart and I’m just eternally intrigued to see what’s going to come of her decisions. (Also the comic in general has some fantastic worldbuilding and lots of great characters, check it out!)

...

wow that’s all of em!! tagging.... uh.... you, reader. (or whoever wants to!)

[themyskira]

Wonder Woman: Earth One, Vol 2 - Part 1

I’m going to break this into a few parts, because it turned out I had a bit to say. I’ll start with my overall impressions, then dive into the spoilery recap.

General thoughts: Next verse, same as the first.

Grant Morrison purports to want to explore Marston’s ideas, but he’s more interested in the kooky, kinky trappings than the sentiment behind them.

Marston was radical and progressive in his time. Writing in the 1940s, he told his readers that women were men’s equals — and even superiors! — in every way. He told young girls there was no limit to what they could do. His stories promoted love over hatred, peace over violence, rehabilitation over retribution.

If Morrison had taken that bold sentiment and reimagined it through a lens of modern society and feminism in 2018, he might have had a compelling story to tell. Instead, he takes Marston’s ideas as he understands them and transplants them wholesale into a time in which they’re no longer radical and progressive, but rather backward and out-of-step with modern intersectional feminism, and then proceeds to ask such deep, incisive questions as “yes but realistically could we actually replace all world governments with a matriarchy?????”

He never truly deconstructs any of Marston’s ideas, just parrots phrases like “submission to loving authority” a lot and raises questions without ever making a decent attempt at answering them. To be fair, part of the problem is that he’s simply trying to do too much at once: juggling parallel stories in Themyscira and Man’s World, an interrogation of the Amazons’ philosophies and the introduction of three new antagonists and the tensions they cause, all within a limited page count, Morrison is unable to devote the necessary time to properly developing any of them. It’s no wonder the result is so half-baked.

But hey, just throw in a bunch of vagina planes and a dusting of kink and watch as everyone crows over how subversive he is.

Yannick Paquette’s artwork is still beautiful. His page layouts are still dynamic and expressive, and his character designs are still lovely. Diana in particular gets a variety of very cool outfits, including a beautiful modest costume for a trip to the Middle East.

But he still can’t shake his tendency towards drawing women’s bodies in weirdly-contorted poses with bizarre pornfaces. Wonder Woman shouldn’t look like she’s orgasming as she’s leaping into battle, ffs.

Oh, and the series is still being edited by noted serial sexual harasser Eddie Berganza. HASHTAG FEMINISM!

Let’s get into the recap.

Content warning for some skeevy mind control content and general discussion of the gender essentialist, body-shaming, TERFy attitudes of Morrison’s Amazons.

The story opens with a flashback to 1942, with Paula von Gunther leading a Nazi invasion of Themyscira, and god I’m already so tired.

idk, I mean, I get that Nazis were a major Golden Age antagonist, and Morrison is harking back to that. But there’s a broader historical and cultural context to consider. Cartoonish Nazi villains in patriotic WWII-era American comics carried very different associations than they do in 2018, in the midst of a presidency steeped in white supremacy and hate speech, on the eve of a midterm election in which a record number of neo-Nazis are standing for office, at a time when hate groups are surging, when migrant children are being separated from their families and held in detention camps— just. Not a time when I want to be reading about cartoonish super-Nazis, personally.

And I don’t really see why they necessarily need to be this story? The battle serves to illustrate how Amazons combat and… “rehabilitate”… their adversaries. Paula ultimately serves as a plot device. Couldn’t that maybe have been achieved without Nazis?

Anyway, Paula announces that she is claiming the island for the Third Reich, and Hippolyta is like “lol no”.

Okay, that part I like. Evil army storms the island, backed by guns and warships, surround a half-dozen barely-armed women… who all but roll their eyes. ‘Pfft, children. Fine, if you want to play this game…’ And the evil army can only gape in bewilderment as the women proceed to take them apart in minutes.

But this is where it gets weird.

The Amazons fire a purple ray at all of the Nazis, which… makes them all drop their weapons and start screaming “YES!” orgasmically?

Hippolyta tells Paula that the soldiers “will be taken to the Space Transformer. They will be transported to Aphrodite’s world where Queen Desira and her butterfly-winged Venus Girls wait to purge them of their need for conflict. They will be taught to submit to loving authority. They will learn to embrace peace and obedience. They will be as happy as men can be.”

Paula attacks Hippolyta, rips off her magic girdle and heaves a great boulder over her head— wait, were we supposed to know that Paula had superpowers? That seems like something that should have been flagged.

She effortlessly takes down the Amazons who rush to the queen’s defence and takes a moment to cackle villainously. “Behold the pride of Germany! The ultimate daughter of the thousand-year-empire of Adolf Hitler!” To which Hippolyta— okay, I like this part, too.

Hippolyta calmly gets to her feet and puts Paula in a stranglehold. “We are the Amazons of myth, my dear! I am Queen Hippolyta eternal.” She swiftly and efficiently brings Paula to her knees.

But, welp, never mind, it’s about to get fucking creepy again.

Hippolyta forces Paula into “the Venus Girdle”, a device that “charges every body cell with vitalising currents and harmonises the brain, encouraging obedience.”

Paula: Let me go! What is that? What are you doing? Hippolyta: The Venus Girdle? It charges every body cell with vitalising currents and harmonises the brain, encouraging obedience. A dainty thing, is it not? Paula: I won’t— I won’t— You can’t control me— you can’t— can’t make me— make me... oh… make me…

Paula: nmmuhhh… What’s happening? My Nazi ideals— slipping away— they— they don’t make any sense now… I— I thought— I thought— I was strong. What’s wrong with me? I’m so weak— I must be weak to wish to serve weak, cruel men— like— like Herr Hitler— I— I— Hippolyta: If you truly long to be a slave to the ideas of others, well… we can find a loving mistress to help you explore your desires in a healthier context. Paula: Yes. Yes! My queen— [sob] —how can you ever forgive me? How wise of you to know— to know this is all I ever wanted! Hippolyta: Devote yourself to me by following the Amazon Code. Go with out sweet Mala to Improvement Island. There you will come to know yourself until the Venus Girdle is no longer required.

Paula: But all I want is to serve you, my queen! I love you! Please don’t turn your back on me!

Basically, Hippolyta forcibly uses a mind-altering device on Paula that alters her brain chemistry to make her placid, compliant and suggestible, then immediately washes her hands of her.

So… let’s talk about this, because I think it strikes at the heart of the problems with Wonder Woman: Earth One.

Queen Desira, the Venus Girls, magnetic golden Venus Girdles that “harmonise the brain” — all these things are drawn from Golden Age Wondy comics cowritten by Marston and his collaborator Joye Kelly. Marston played with mind control a lot in his stories, and not all of it came from the bad guys.

Morrison’s bold, subversive approach to these story elements is to export them wholesale into the present day and force us to feel uncomfortable about them.

In other words, he’s taking some of the weirder and more fucked up story elements from a collection of comics that are widely agreed to be very weird, and then plonking it before your readers and asking, ‘hey guys, have you ever considered… that this might be weird and fucked up???’

There’s nothing clever or insightful about that. And there’s certainly nothing groundbreaking about a cis white male writer imagining a fictitious feminist dystopia where women strip away men’s free will.

Like, if you really want to be subversive with Marston’s Wonder Woman, how about you start by hiring a woman to write it? Why not see what this iconic feminist hero conceived by a cis white man in the 1940s and written almost exclusively by cis white men for over 75 years might look like if she were reimagined and reinterpreted by LGBTI women, by women of colour? By the women left out of those original comics?

That would be subversive. Morrison is just being a smartarse.

So yeah, Hippolyta turns her back on the helpless, brainwashed, lovesick Paula and walks over to Diana, who’s defied her mother’s orders and run down from the palace to get a glimpse of the action. She’s full of questions; Hippolyta brushes them off with the usual (for Morrison’s Amazons) ‘men are shit’ line.

There’s a moment where Paula and Diana meet eyes from across the beach, and each asks, “who is she?” Diana is simply curious; Paula is instantly lovestruck.

Paula: That girl… the image of my queen.

This looks like foreshadowing, but spoilers: it goes absolutely nowhere.

Sidenote: If the Amazons deal with invaders by brainwashing them, why did they want to kill Steve Trevor in Volume One?

Cut to present-day America, where a room of faceless men discuss the threat posed by the Amazons and their superior technology, which they assume extends to deadly weaponry. The only in they have with the Amazons is Wonder Woman, and to get through her defences they’ve called in “an expert in female psychology”, aka a misogynistic monster.

Doctor Psycho: Gentlemen. She may be strong and tough and smart and beautiful… but she’s just a woman. I never met one I couldn’t break.

Oh, goody.

Cut to a cute splash page of Diana playing baseball. She gets a lot of great outfits in this book.

She’s also clearly making an impact in Man’s World; her face is plastered across every magazine, and people flock to hear her speak.

A Q&A sessions serves as a thinly-veiled opportunity for Morrison to answer some of the criticisms of the first book. His response leaves something to be desired.

“Amazon training can make any of you into a Wonder Woman,” says Diana. We teach a system of physical and psychological health and vitality. The grace and beauty of Aphrodite, the skill and wisdom of Athena.”

Woman: What about Wonder trans women? Is there room for people like me in your utopia? Diana: There’s room for everyone. The Amazon Code was evolved by women over thousands of years and outlines a progressive, pacifist way of living and thinking that anyone can follow.

I’m sorry, but that’s a fucking bullshit answer. It’s a weak, superficial gesture towards inclusiveness that conspicuously fails to express any real support or solidarity.

And depressingly, this is 100% in-character for Earth One Diana, because Morrison’s Amazons? are absolutely TERFs. As with the mind control content, Morrison has exported Marston’s 1940s binaristic gender essentialism unchanged into the 21st century in order to ask searing questions like ‘hey but what if??? the idea that women are genetically more suited to ruling??? is simplistic and flawed?????’ But the most he’ll engage with the genuinely insidious implications around the exclusion of trans and nonbinary people is a smiling noncommittal, ‘Are trans people welcome? My friend, everyone is welcome! No further questions!’

Morrison’s Wonder Woman displays a profound disregard of context. He ignores not only the cultural, historical and individual contexts that shaped the original 1940s Wonder Woman, but also the contexts of the time in which he’s currently writing and the cultural space that Wondy has come to inhabit today as a feminist and LGBT icon.

Removed from context, Morrison is simply taking a hero who traditionally hails from an advanced utopian society, taking another look at the views that society actually espouses, and reframing her as a well-meaning but naive hero from an advanced but deeply flawed and unsettling society.

In context, he’s doing exactly what Brian Azzarello did in turning the Amazons into murderous man-hating monsters, just with more kink and vagina planes.

Woman 2: Umm, there’s a lot of stuff on social media about how you dress provocatively and promote an unrealistic body type, which is basically setting a bad example for women. I mean, the stuff you do is amazing and all, it’s just… does any of the criticism bother you? Diana: I don’t think there’s any such thing as an ‘unrealistic’ body shape. My own body is the result of diet, exercise and… um… sophisticated genetic engineering. Otherwise, I dress as I please.

Volume One made it clear that all Amazons have the physique of supermodels, and when they encounter the diverse body types of the women in our world, they are disgusted and respond with body-shaming insults. Here, Diana again avoids voicing any actual support (she doesn’t say that all women’s bodies are beautiful and valid, she suggests that her body type is not unrealistic), while also throwing out eugenics as a reason for the lack of body diversity among the Amazons. Oh good, I was hoping we’d get more Nazi parallels!

Finally, a militant white feminist stands up and observes that if the Amazons are capable of half of what Diana says they are, then they could dismantle the patriarchy overnight — so why is Diana wasting time giving philosophy lectures? “You can control people’s minds with that lasso of yours. Like you did with that dude on TV— so why can’t you put a lasso ‘round the whole world?”

Afterwards, talking to Beth Candy, Diana’s like, ‘gosh, Beth, I’ve never seriously thought about world domination before, but maybe it is time to consider stripping all mortals of their free will, dismantling all nations and compelling everybody on the planet to bow down before Amazonia.’

Then Diana gets on her mental radio and calls her mother, confessing her doubts about her mission.

It was around this point in the book that the Amazons’ dialogue began to grate on me. I couldn’t put my finger on what it was at first. Every line read like a ceremonious pronouncement. They used antiquated syntax and words, like “whole systems … must o’erturned be” and “she did, without due caution, this, her island home, depart!”. Even Diana would become infected with it whenever she was speaking to them. It felt like they weren’t so much conversing as they were reciting… 

...verse… 

oh my god, that motherfucker.

Surely he hadn’t.

I scanned the dialogue again. I double-checked it.

He had.

Grant Morrison, that obscenely pretentious wanker, wrote all of the Amazons’ dialogue in dactylic hexameter.

For fuck’s sake.

After finishing her call with Diana, Hippolyta learns that somebody has vandalised one of the temples with the symbol of “a backward-turning sun”, i.e. a swastika. Unseen by everybody, Paula breaks into Hippolyta’s palace.

[nickymakesmemad-blog]

Show Me Your Teeth

My infatuation with teeth began at an early age when I found a mess of them strewn across the bottom of my mom’s jewelry drawer. Is that what pearls were made of? My mom didn’t own any pearls, so maybe this was her grand scheme to finally have some of her own. I could see her, showing up to First Baptist, with a shiny new necklace adorning her Sunday outfit and the preacher’s wife would say, “Oh, Terri! I love your pearls.” My mom would look down as if she had simply forgotten what she was wearing because this outfit was put together effortlessly and she would smile, revealing only gums where her teeth had once been, and lisp, “Thank you, Mitheth Harlow.”

The teeth, however, turned out to be mine. And my sister’s. My brother’s would have been in there too had he been old enough to grow any, let alone lose some. I was disgusted. Not only had I been insulted by a gargantuan lie—a conspiracy, if you will!—but my teeth were mindlessly mixed in with my sister’s. By my logic, it seemed just as if my sister and I had French kissed, which was revolting more because of my homosexuality than the incestuous nature of the act. Laying amongst the others in the Island of Misfit Teeth was my silver tooth, the crown I had been given on my first (and only!) cavity. I was repulsed. A tooth shouldn’t look like that. I didn’t have to think about it when it was in my mouth and all the way in the back. Is this what my life would become if I didn’t take care of my teeth? Would they all fall out and soon I’d have to hide them from the gestapo in a drawer along with my other valuables? I wouldn’t let that happen. My sister could do whatever the hell she wanted, but not me. That drawer would never again see a tooth of mine. They would all stay in my mouth. The importance of this was paramount. Of course, this was before I knew about wisdom teeth. 

But before I had my wisdom teeth removed (a traumatic experience!), was the Duquoin State Fair. Not much noteworthy happens in Southern Illinois except, of course, for the State Fair. Illinois’s best and worst all make an appearance at the Fair, to do otherwise would be treasonous and subject you to a full year of “oh y’all really shoulda seen the fair this year, they had fried Snickers...who knows if they’ll be back next year. Might’ve missed your chance.” Women would show up to the fair mere moments after giving birth, vagina still ripped apart. Coincidently, that’s how non-mothers also left the Tilt-A-Whirl and the east parking lot port-a-potty. 

The Fair was always fun, because there was always drama. Someone would be seen with a woman who wasn’t their wife at the race track. Or someone would throw up on their date on a ride. Or someone would win a grand prize, bringing pride and joy to their entire town. I didn’t know it, but I would be this person. I didn’t plan to bring my town glory, but was I surprised when I did? Absolutely not. 

My mom and I were walking around the craft barn where people from around the state brought their woven baskets, murals, and quilts for non-AIDS purposes to be scrutinized and judged mainly by strangers but also by certified judges. At the center of the barn was a stage, so I was naturally intrigued. Though it had never happened and there was never anything to imply that it would ever happen, I was always convinced that this would finally be the year that Dolly Parton showed up. We had a Mountain Dew distributor, so in my mind, it was only a matter of time. 

My mom saw the sparkle in my eye and took me to the stage to see what was happening. “Boys Smile Contest” read a banner. A smile contest? What does that mean? “You should sign your boy up. Let’s see that smile, baby!” cooed an elderly woman in a lavender cardigan. The color of her sweater already won me her trust, but I was still skeptical of this stranger. I imagined this was a ploy to enlist pretty boys with nice teeth into the back of the barn where our teeth would be removed, sold for money, and then we’d be sewn together à la Human Centipede and we’d have to compete against a prize-winning pig to find truffles. My mom insisted that I show her my smile; after all, I didn’t have any cavities anymore. I knew exactly what to do. I looked down at the ground (a power move to feign modesty) and then I flashed it. My best, beautiful, boyish, charming twelve year old smile. “I’m signing you up, sugar!”

It was real now. My first beauty competition. Looking back, I had spent my entire life preparing for this moment. I had been perfecting my American Idol sob story since before I could walk (it involved the Taliban, but is too nuanced to be fully detailed in this humble post). I nervously paced backstage next to the canned salsas that were also up for judgement and made exclusively by white Midwestern women. My mom was on the phone with grandma urging her to get to Barn F immediately. It seemed, however, that a girl from her church was trampled at the goat corral and she was held up for the time being. I didn’t have my support group, but I had my mom and that would have to do. 

Should I take a step forward? Should I do a wave? Should I sing? I can sign so that would probably help; show the judges I know how to put my teeth into practice as well as keep them visibly pretty. Maybe I should keep it simple? We’re southern adjacent. Maybe I should toast the audience with a glass of sweet tea and really play in the demographic. I didn’t have time to come up with any choreography and the craft barn was devastatingly devoid of batons, so I would have to go up without props. 

“Boys age 7 to 12 on stage for this year’s DuQuoin State Fair Boys Smile Contest!” Shit on my dick, I would have thought had I had the vocabulary. Although the following summer at Catholic camp, I would be introduced to the word “queef”. I wasn’t prepared, but neither was Dolly when Jolene stole her man. I briefly said a prayer to both God and Jesus (because they couldn’t prevent 9/11, but maybe they had some sway over this) and made my way onstage. 

It was me and two other boys, both of whom were on the younger side of the seven to twelve age range. Both were missing teeth and it was fucking adorable. I was livid, but I couldn’t give up. I would just have to be better. The announcer stated the first boy’s name and he waved at the crowd. That was my move. I was pissed. But the fucking idiot was so young and so stupid that he forgot to smile. The crowd loved it. Then it was the second boy’s turn. He was wearing overalls, which would definitely score him points for matching the fair aesthetic. I shit bricks when I saw he was missing both his front teeth. The crown went fucking wild. Here he was stealing my thunder when he should have met his match with a coat hanger in utero. 

Then my name was announced. I wasn’t prepared. I wasn’t in costume like the other boy. I wasn’t adorably missing any teeth and that first motherfucker stole my wave. For a moment, a mere moment that felt like an eternity, I stood like an idiot. Then (and I truly believe it was divine intervention that caused me to do this) I took a step forward. That was it. Neither of those cocksuckers had bothered to step forward literally putting me ahead of them and separating me from the crowd. I smiled. I LAUGHED. And then I went back into my smile, but never fulling touching my top and bottom teeth, keeping my mouth just a little open to suggest to my fans that I was so jovial and so charming that I could burst into another laugh at any moment. The crowd loved it. And I knew I couldn’t stop there. I leaned to my right to give that side of the audience a good look. They exploded. I leaned to my left (the side with my dimple). They lost it. I hesitated as I considered which song I should burst into. But God gave me another idea. A spin. One glorious, one hundred eighty degree spin followed by a STUNNING over the shoulder look followed by a laugh at the audience because those people are fun. I waved to signal the conclusion of my act and stepped back into line with my competitors. Being gorgeous is fun. 

I stepped off the stage with a stuffed cow that had a big red plaque that said “Boys Smile Contest Winner DuQuoin State Fair”. It wasn’t American Idol, but I had to start somewhere. My mom ran up and hugged me and one of the judges snapped our picture. We all laughed when he told us to smile. Some of us more beautifully than others. I’m referring to myself there. It was my smile that was the most beautiful and I had a cow to prove it. My mom kept her hands on my shoulders and paraded me through the barn and towards the exit so we could find my dad. “Well that’s an awfully cool cow!” a vendor shouted. “Think your mom should look at my jewelry” and she motioned to what were obviously fake pearl earrings. 

“He just won the smile contest,” my mom informed her, “show her, Jacob!” Like my mom picked out her church clothes, I flashed my smile effortlessly. The vendor gasped at my pearly-whites and then motioned to her jewelry after she recovered. My mom politely declined interest with a nod and kept walking. She had something else to brag about in church that Sunday. 

[imaginesumo]

Do you have headcanons for each main character personality? Not linked to the anime or manga at all, as it's pretty different stories. Thanks!

alright i think this is about like, the playable characters of pokemon and their personalities? but if not please feel free to clarify with another ask and i’ll be happy to do it again  ( ^o^ ) - mod hau!

Main Character Headcanons

((the characters won’t be separated by gender, bc for the most part i interpret them the same way if they are in the same game, but there may b some rule breakers + read more bc wowie this is long!!))

Red/Leaf

- these are the quiet protag, very thoughtful and somewhat reclusive, and a lot of that has to do with their rival (Green/Blue/Gary) being such a show off and watching him lose face every time they wipe the floor with him, and they don’t want to end up being the same level of asshole if/when they get shown up

- they love nature, and spend a lot of time in pallet town just. reflecting. on themselves, their place in the world, the world. just everything. 

- the quiet philosopher, but also a large case of being the world’s biggest overthinker. gets caught up in the details a lot about things and fails to be understand the ‘big picture’ a lot of times

- needs to get out of their own head for a bit to get to know the world in an immediate relation versus the detached expression they feel before they start their pokemon journey

Ethan/Lyra

- childhood best friends, and are the consistently asked if they’re dating or smthn so they both have really snarky answers after years of strangers asking them. fan favorites are: ‘oh god, you can see them too?? i think they’re haunting me’ or ‘he’s a stalker i swear please call the officer jenny’s as fast as you can’ - its a tie

- the protagonist (the played character) is constantly jealous of the rival when they get the marill, and it kind of drives the protag away from their rival before the game starts. after, for some reason they always are anxious and compare their own bond with their pokemon to the rival and their marill (even when they have a fucking lugia or whatever)it’s a big source of conflict in their friendship and one of the protag’s biggest insecurities

- hg/ss feels but, i like to think the protag’s favorite time of day is the sunset just outside of goldenrod city and likes to sit near the edge of the water while listening to the cheesy radio dramas, and calls their family and friends up to let them know they’re doing alright (they spend the most time talking with their rival bc i think, even platonically, they depend on each other for support and love to spend hours talking)

- almost best friends who still have time to mature and work their stuff out, but until their journey begins things are just kind of weird

Brendan/May

- i’m gonna say this, i really did think that brendan’s hat was his hair until like last year, full naruto kakashi hair and shit. the kakashi of 11 y/o’s and pokemon. god what an awful hat.

- their favorite town is a constant toss up between lavaridge and slateport. they love the warmth that seems to just radiate from everywhere in lavaridge, but they also love the ocean breeze and the museum in slateport. once they can use fly, they weep tears of joy. the feeling and smells they get from those two towns make their chest constrict in such a strange and good way, they want the feeling to never end.

- loves the first evolution/cutest stage of evolution of all their pokemon. could care less that the second and third evolutions are stronger and have better moves, they love the cute stuff

- sucks at cooking pokeblocks, they always burn them and end up using up most of their battle winnings on just buying their party their favorite pokeblocks for a good battle or training day. 

- nerds who are very obsessed with capturing all these new feelings on their journey and how light they feel all of a sudden

Lucas/Dawn

- Research nerds all the way, these kids love learning and are obsessed with pokemon research and the protag is super jealous of professor rowan’s assistant bc lbr that’s such a dream job for these little brainiacs 

- I really associate twilight/evening with this game because that’s just when i always played it but i think that these two would love it and like really their color scheme and outfits just really go with it - they live for the aesthetic

- they love watching those little ‘tv’ segments about pokemon moves/abilities/etc. and probably watch nothing but the equivalent of pokemon documentaries anyway (this is basically confirmed i mean, come on lol, the game starts with a documentary on the red gyarados y’all)

- their favorite seasons are fall and winter, but they love early spring after they visit floaroma town and see all those flowers - and they develop a taste for honey too after visiting

- crisp kids you would find in a library or watching the equivalent of animal planet, and they are just so curious about the world around them that they see their journey as their first big foray into scientific research (they probably cried when they got their pokedex)

Hilbert/Hilda

- they’re eternally lost without their best friends, cheren and bianca

- like really, i’d like to say they are all bad ass and stoic, but really their main goal is to just catch back up with their friends and hang out like they did before they go their pokemon and started this big old journey

- has a sinking feeling a lot of times that this journey was the end of something rather than a beginning, and tries to fill the void with pokemon when they can’t call their friends on the x-transceiver

- has…confused feelings about n. because, after spending so much time trying to catch up to their friends, they thought they could slow down and spend some time with this new fast friend who seemed to want to slow down too. it was a confusing friendship but, they still call it a friendship despite everything.

- comes home after the journey feeling not as content as they were before. not like they’re missing something because of the journey, but more like they found out they were missing out on something all along - probably goes on a few more journeys to find it before they call it quits

Nate/Rosa

- Gaymer kids

- for real tho, these kids were shut ins who only really went out to get new videogames/junkfood when their mom wasn’t forcing them to eat healthy or at least not play videogames for 18 uninterrupted hours

- they don’t do well with the grime of being outdoors too well, but they love visiting the other cities - they love the night/early evening when the whole place just lights up, and they really love just staring at it or taking pictures for social media

- have all the cool games on their phone, but along with emergency provisions (chewy granola bars and fruit) and first aid (hello kitty bandaids with a tube of neosporin) the rest of their bag is electronics: 4 different types of portable consoles, a digital camera, a laptop, a tablet, an mp3 player, and all their accompanying charging cords

- voted most likely to own a midi fighter

Calem/Serena

- the mom friend

- hates their nickname that their friends use but, they don’t like the idea of not having one so they will for ever be known as that embarrassing title they gave themselves when they were fifteen 

- straight a student, but doesn’t even try and doesn’t know why their friends get so frustrated around finals but offers help anyway, and doesn’t understand why it just makes everyone more frustrated

- its difficult when a lot of their friends compete with them, like the rival, and it can strain the relationship but their friends always have their back and the protag always has their and having a unstoppable force on your side isn’t always a bad thing

Sun/Moon

- sweet angel babies who deserve the world

- but seriously, these kids go through so much and are the kind of kids who can’t stop smiling - even when it would be appropriate to stop grinning like a fool 

- that’s part of the appeal, they’re like a magnet and a binding force of sorts, people can’t help but be drawn to this kid and somehow the people this kid brings together always manage to be just the kind of people the others need to be better people/heal

- so many close friends that they just call family, it’s confusing to an outsider but this kid really does love all their friends like family and practically all of the islands are in this kid’s found family (holidays are always so hectic tho since they moved to the islands lol)

[artsyramblingroses]

Being able to play Pokemon Moon has been quite an experience. Especially since I’m coming in after all the hype has died down, for the first game at least. The only other game I’ve played all the way through was Pokemon White 2, so this has been a great first experience with a more lively pokemon world.

My thoughts on the game’s main story are as follows (Spoilers and bad language ahead):

Holy shit, there are Caterpie, I expected to see some Gen 1 pokemon but not right out of the gate.

The choosing ceremony was so sweet. My Popplio, lovingly named Sangria and I are going far in life.

I never thought I’d love a Meowth so much, but the Alolan ones are such sweet little gentlemen, THEY EVEN BOW TO YOU AFTER LOVING YOU ENOUGH

The team Skull grunts are so amusing, I snicker almost every time they’re around.

Being rushed in the tall grass was a surprise, but thats what I get for assuming that everyone on a route were trainers and avoiding them like the plague.

“Sangria remembers when it first met you.” TT_TT

Gladion seriously needs to start doing hand exercises, he seems to have terrible carpal tunnel

HOLY SHIT, I LITERALLY CAUGHT A FEMALE SANDALIT FIRST TRY

The volcano challenge was pretty funny, the harder I concentrated on each picture, the easier it got, and I love how the last option was to admit that the totem pokemon was there, they didn’t even LET you guess wrong.

WTF HELLO PROFESSOR OAK.YOU’VE GOTTEN A TAN AND HAVE GROWN OUT YOUR HAIR. NOT DIGGING THE HAIR BUT YOU DO YOU BRO.

LUSAMINE, I ALREADY DON’T TRUST YOU, HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ALL THOSE SPOILERS I SAW

ALSO DOES HAPU HAVE A CRUSH ON LILLIE, BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE ADORABLE

Ok, the Mimikyu in the PokeFinder scene was actually creepy.

Also I caught one rather easily after the trial, his name is Phillip.

Also, Also, WHY TF WOULD THEY LET ME GO ALONE TO PO TOWN

I GET THAT ITS A KIDS GAME SO I WON’T BE ASSAULTED OR ANYTHING (But that was my first thought as to what was going to happen to my character so what does that say about me?)

Guzma really wants my attention if he’s willing to steal a pokemon to get me to go after him

But the grunts in the PokeCenter were cute, they just wanted money and were honest. Still, I checked my bag to make sure everyone was still there.

 I have a full party at this point in the game, really hope there aren’t any other cute pokemon that I’ve forgotten.

Honestly was surprised for Gladion to admit to how counterproductive battling was. Also it was a little funny. 

I didn’t think there would be a pokemon antagonist that I’d want to bitch slap into a coma, but Lusamine, you get that award. 

Also, good luck trying to make the grandson of a kahuna and a recently arrived trainer that lots of people know about disappear, sure, like our parents and others wouldn’t look into it when we don’t ever come to Poni Island.

Also, also, FUCK YOU. I’M TELLING CHILD SERVICES. AND THE POKE-POLICE, YOU FROZE CREATURES IN HELL FOR ALL ETERNITY AND VERBALLY AND PSYCHOLOGICALLY ABUSED YOUR CHILDREN.

Poor Slowpoke and Pikachu, and I think she had a Cutiefly in there too.

Lillie’s new outfit is adorable, her and Gladion are wiser beyond their years, I hope they eventually get out to see the world.

I honestly wish that my character had more expression in cutscenes, especially in the Aether Paradise ones,

But that’s my only real complaint so far

Plumera got a little character development, nice! And it was sweet to see the grunts caring about Guzma’s safety like that.

Lillie’s story about being in the rain with her mom was so bittersweet. 

Really wish that the fairy type captain had a trial, bet her’s would have been cute! 

WFT NEBBY IS LUNALA?! I THOUGHT HE WAS LUNALA’S CHILD! EITHER WAY HE’S GOTTEN SO BIG. TT_TT

HOLY SHIT THERE ARE MULTIPLE ULTRA BEASTS?! THE POKE-WORLD IS DOOMED

You GO Lillie! Tell your mom off!

The battle was satisfying, but I wish I had fought Lusamine herself.

Ok, that ending scene between the two was making me tear up a bit. IT WAS SO SWEET.

WHY AM I FORCED TO TAKE NEBBY! I BONDED WITH MY OWN TEAM

I PUT KIKO (MY ORICHORIO) AWAY. I FEEL AWFUL. BUT I DIDN’T WANT TO LET NEBBY AND LILLIE DOWN. TT_TT

That was like, the toughest decision I’ve had to make all game. 

Also, isn’t it cheating to use a legendary mon for battles? I mean, its a friggin legendary, and it took out my mimikyu, Phillip. Then again, Phillip isn’t too tanky.

So, Professor Kukei isn’t too worried about me having FRIGGEN LUNALA on my side. Never thought a Pokemon game would make me want to put a damn legendary on my team.

The Elite Four was tougher than I imagined, especially Kukei, I technically lost, but I soft restarted and strategized better

The Festival made me tear up a bit, and I didn’t think Tapu Koko could talk. Maybe he shouldn’t have wanted to battle with Nebby, since they 1 hit killed him.

Also Gladion, join the party! Come on dude, its cool. And woah, even Lusamine wanted in on the fun? Wonder how that would have gone...

Ok, when Lillie left, I legit cried for real. My daughter is gone and I am sad, but proud. I have so many feelings towards this game. I love it so much. Wonder how Pokemon X will be.

I just. Augh... TT_TT

Also, the slideshow is pretty nice, wonder who took all those pics?

I’m legit like Hau as I’m typing this, a quiet, sniffly mess.

And that was Pokemon Moon, The main game. This was fun, and I’ve heard that there’s a Post-game plot thats pretty long too, so I’ll check it out and post my thoughts separately.

[romancevsreality-blog]

the bachelorette, season fourteen, episode seven: i dolphinately know these people are the worst

Guess what? The Bahamas? A great place to fall in love. Also, a great place to get some tourist promotional consideration, of course! Great job, Bahamian Tourism Bureau.

Becca’s ready to get her dates started because really, next week is hometowns, and then she’s ready to get down with the fuckings. She sits down with the actual reason that No Man’s Land exists, Chris Harrison, to discuss her hopes and dreams going forward in the Bahamas. She just wants to relax and have some romance. Becca’s convinced this is all working for her, and she’s falling for a couple guys there.

What I don’t understand is why she’s wearing a cool-toned smoky-eye at what can only be 10:00 AM. Honestly, their makeup artist is the devil. Her outfit - a black tank top and a sarong - does not warrant a grey smoky eye. At least she’s not wearing the hyper-aggressive lashes for once.

Becca’s nervous this week because she knows what a big deal it is to meet someone’s family, so the guys she picks this week are The Real Deal. Back with the guys, Colton’s talking about how he hasn’t really brought anyone home to meet his family, and this is a huge deal. My Boyfriend Wills feels the pressure in his cheetah print shirt. He looks so fly. I love him so much. Come home, sweetie.

Becca comes in one of those dresses you get at Marshalls that you put your legs in and discover it’s a romper and you’re massively disappointed and wanting to sue whoever came up with this concept, but it’s pink and his pirate sleeves. Honestly, I wish they would set the makeup artist and the stylist for this show up on a two-on-one and abandon them both in Death Valley. She reveals this week has no rose ceremony - just three one-on-one dates and a group date, and two of them are dolphinately getting the kaput.1

And they’re starting right now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Colton gets the first one-on-one, and all the guys are palatably pissed. Everyone thought it was going to be alumni of NYU Tisch School of the Arts, Miles Teller/Blake, no one expected Colton to be the one with the one-on-one today. Oh, and this is when we find out that Colton’s a virgin, and he’s the one who has the most hidden away from Becca. All the guys are debating whether or not he’s going to reveal it to her, but they don’t think Becca’s going to want to take on the huge impact of him being a virgin.

Becca wants to fuck the shit out of him regardless, though. She’s dickmatized by him. Becca wants to climb Colton like a tree. She feels so strongly with Colton and has chemistry with him and if he wanted, he could have his way with her. Again: She wants to bone him. Why, when he literally should be cast as the live-action Crimson Chin from Fairly OddParents. We see them do an unironic “I’m the king of the world” from Titanic and make out on a catamaran. Literally, we don’t see them talk, we just see them making out. What a deep relationship, this is James Joyceian right here.

Colton tells Becca he doesn’t have the “most experience” when it comes to dating, and then they’re interrupted by a man with dreadlocks on a bright yellow paddleboat comes to board the boat and tell them they’re going to get some conch. Cue conch jokes, and how the “pistol” of the conch is Bahamian Viagra, apparently. They go and catch some conch, and Colton is horrified. I bet Colton doesn’t eat seafood. He seems like that kind of monster.

Becca and Colton go to not eat dinner and she’s far more dressed up than he is2, and Becca’s like, “oh, Colton has a rose, he’d have to literally murder a baby in front of me to not get a rose tonight.” Then Colton lifts up a dead baby and smiles at her but you would never know because he’s always fucking smiling - I mean, he tells Becca that he’s rather inexperienced in dating because he’s a Sports Guy who does Sports and didn’t have time to get to banging. He’s a virgin because he was too busy doing sports.

Becca’s glad Colton told her, of course, but it is a little unnerving. She gets up from the table, and anyone who knows anything about editing knows this is just some producer garbage to imply that she isn’t really okay with it. I’m not analyzing that any deeper than that, sorry. But Colton’s concerned because he doesn’t know what’s going through her brain. Back at the hotel, Blake and Garrett are essentially making the point that at this point, yeah, it could be a dealbreaker. This show results in someone getting engaged at the end, and the Fanty Sweetz are a big part of the deciding factor. Physical chemistry is important in a romantic relationship and really can make or break a couple’s compatibility3.

We find that Colton, a twenty-six-year-old virgin, made up stories in the locker room about who he was in order to protect himself from scrutiny, and he plays this like it’s some eternal struggle. It’s not a marriage thing for him, really - at this point, he just wants to find someone’s in love with. Well, at least there’s that for Becca.

Colton gets a rose. Barf.

Back at the hotel,

THERE’S A DATE CAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It’s for Garrett, and Blake’s CRUSHED. It’s fine, Blake, you’re Mister Fantastic!

Colton comes back to a room with literally no air in it, and he’s thrilled but no one else is for him. Meanwhile, Blake is entirely in his head, having a meltdown. He needs to have a one-on-one or else he’s going to freak out.

Garrett and Becca meet, and her dress is too short for a shirt-dress. And that’s coming from me, so that’s saying a lot. They’re going island hopping by seaplane, and of course, the plane takes them across the hotel balcony to salt the wounds of Andrew Keegan and Miles Teller.

The two of them galavant along the beach and Becca feels like it’s just the two of them on earth. Okay, this man is going to win. She just seems to enjoy her time with him and we see some natural actions out of her, which is interesting because this entire season she’s done a great job of being aware of the cameras. She commends him for not getting discouraged or for ever being down in the dumps during his time there, and he says he’s serious about the entire endeavor but he’s trying to stay positive.

Back at the hotel, BLAKE IS STILL FREAKING OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!4 If he doesn’t get a one-on-one this week, he’s going to jump from a bridge.

Well good, because IT’S HIS DAAAAAAATEEEEEE CAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

At dinner with Garrett and Becca, the stylist who should have been left in Death Valley put Becca in the strangest one-shoulder-shoulderless white gown. Becca would be the first girl to come home to Garrett’s family since his ex-wife, so that’s a major deal. Becca asks why he wanted to settle down so quickly, and the basic gist is that he found the first girl he could be serious with straight out of college, hoped and prayed that the red flags he saw would change colors, and when they didn’t, he tried to change himself to fit the situation rather than give up.

The discussion turns to their engagements - his successful, hers a failure - and that they both have a lot to work on, but Garrett’s more willing to call out potential red flags than he was before. He’s falling in love with Becca, and Becca is teary-eyed, she’s so happy.

Garrett is going to win this show, and he gets a rose.

Garrett loves Becca because she’s “bubbly, giggly, and cute”, which… isn’t the foundation of a relationship, but what do I know? I’m single. They go for a night swim on the beach and make out in the ocean.

The next day, Blake is a ball of anxiety. He literally cannot get out of his head the idea that Becca might have a deeper relationship with one of the other guys over him, and he needs the day to prove to her how he’s feeling. Considering his first one-on-one was the first week of this show, I totally understand his anxiousness. But also, getting a one-on-one this week? Blake, you’re fine. Just tell her you want to fuck her a lot.

THEN WE HEAR WHO LET THE DOGS OUT????????????

IN 2018??????????????????????

We’re at a beach party with the Baha Men??????????????????????

Becca is wearing cargo pants? Everything is awful. Also, this is when we learn that Blake is a great dancer and I… have a crush on Blake. Oh no. OH NO. I do not LIKE THIS. This is a sign of how dire my romantic prospects are, falling for a guy on a reality show who dances well to the Baha Men is now my standard.

They go and sit on the beach, and this is when I know Becca’s super into Blake because she actually apologizes for the grief he’s gone through over the last few days. Blake’s friends with Channing Tatum, I don’t get it. Blake admits that he’s been questioning how Becca feels about him simply because of the lack of one-on-one time with her, and Becca tells him that she now understands how Arie fell for multiple people when he was the lead5. It doesn’t help Blake at all. He’s literally crestfallen at the idea that she could have feelings for multiple men. Meanwhile, Becca admits her feelings for Blake are the strongest but she also felt the need to be honest with him because she also has feelings for other people.

At the hotel, there’s a

DAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTEEEEEEEE CCCCCCCCAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!

My Boyfriend Wills, Leo, and Jason are all hoping that Blake somehow fucks it up today and gets sent home so they have a higher chance of making it to hometowns.

At the dinner they’re not going to eat with Blake and Becca, Becca’s wearing a gorgeous navy gown and I am living. Finally. FINALLY. Why didn’t we do this before?! Oh, and this is when we find out Blake’s messy, Ryan Murphy-scripted life. The reason why he’s kind of closed off because his family was very private and brushed things under the rug. Oh, and his mom cheated on his dad with his high school English teacher and basketball coach.

What in the Jason Katims realness?!

Blake’s family was the talk of the town, even finding out that his mom moved out not from his parents, but from the community.

As someone also from a very private, sweeping things under the rug family, I’M NOT CRYING. I mean, don’t go yelling my business up and down these streets, but Blake talking about wanting a family that communicates and isn’t private is at least a realistic goal. Blake is more open and communicative with her than he has been with anyone else, and Becca finds that communication to be attractive. I agree, Becca. Dudes talking about their feelings? Yas, honey. Blake takes the time to tell Becca that yes, he is in love with her, and Becca is Over The Moon.

Blake gets the rose, and they make out, and as much as I know Garrett is going to win, oh man.

Is Blake going to win?

Blake and Becca are on the same page, and Becca can’t tell him that she’s in love with him just yet. Ooh, girl. The DRAMA.

And it’s time for the three-on-one. Leo, My Boyfriend Wills, and Andrew Keegan are going on this season’s volleyball date because this show has a budget of $7. We hear Becca gush over all three of the individual guys and honestly, going in, it really does seem like Becca likes My Boyfriend Wills the most. My Boyfriend Wills and Becca take a moment, and Wills admits the reason he’s been so anxious that week is simply because of how much he wants Becca to meet his parents, who have been married almost 50 years. How the hell old is My Boyfriend Wills? Becca talks about how similar Wills and Becca are purely in their foundations. This has been the longest My Boyfriend Wills has gone without seeing his parents, and I swoon.

Also, his floral print shirt? FLY. He IS SO FLY!!!!!!!!!!

Andrew Keegan takes a great approach - he talks about their similarities, and he’s fighting for what Could Be In The Future as a motivator. He’s so ready for what they’re going to be.

Meanwhile, Leo says my favorite thing of the season - “A lot of these guys can give her a big house, a great lifestyle. I can give her love.” I hate stupid shit like that but I also swoon so hard over stupid shit like that. Leo knows his relationship with Becca isn’t the same as the others and asks her if they're in the same place as she is with the others by virtue of time. He says he might need more time to get on one knee and ask her to marry him, and he’s going to need a hometown date to be sure, and while yes, in the real world, that makes sense, it’s a red flag here. Becca doesn’t have the time to hope and pray that hometown dates propel their relationship forward.

She doesn’t think it’s fair to go home with Leo to his family, and Leo’s being abandoned on the beach forever. He’s even so sweet as to wave as the guys drive away by boat and he’s alone on the beach.

See ya in Paradise, Leo.

Becca comes to the dinner no one is going to eat with Andrew Keegan and My Boyfriend Wills wearing a PINK BODYCON DRESS AND SHE LOOKS AMAZING. Finally, they’re not shoving her in sequins. This is what she should be wearing, JESUS. Becca thanks the guys for being so honest and good with her throughout the day and they’re moving forward. Her first personal time is with Andrew Keegan, to ask if he has any reservations about her coming home with him. Becca’s nervous because Jason’s been closed off and the other guys have been more open about how they feel towards her.

Read: Tell Her You Love Her, Dumbass.

Jason doesn’t, but he wants her to know he’s going to be vulnerable and truthful and honest and he just wants to give her the real answers she needs in due time.

My Boyfriend Wills is wearing another patterned shirt and makes out with Becca for a while. Wills tells Becca that she makes him believe in love, and a future, and a family, and hope, and kindness, and happiness, and all the adjectives you want to feel when you’re in love. Becca makes him want to be a great man, and every day he’s falling more and more in love with her. He doesn’t have a doubt in his mind that he loves Becca, and has a feeling she might love him too. This is why My Boyfriend Wills is My Boyfriend Wills, y’all.

The two men are forced to stare each other down over the last rose at the after-after-after-after-after-after-after-after party, and Becca admits this is the hardest role she’s had to give all season. She takes hometowns seriously and knows what a major decision this is, which is why Andrew Keegan is the one winning out in the end.

My Boyfriend Wills looks fucking crushed. Like, head to his chest, George Michael Bluth depressed.

Becca Walks Him Out and tells him that she just wasn’t where he was romantically. She’s so sorry, but she didn’t want to bring his family into the whole gig. She thanks him for everything, and I hate how sad she seems to be because I’m sad and My Boyfriend Wills is sad. His limo exit is tragic - he wasn’t ready to go home, he liked being there, he thought they were on the same page. He’s sad he’s not Becca’s person like he hoped he could be. He’s sobbing and asks to get out of the limo so he can have a moment to stand by the side of the road and cry.

Damn. Who would have thought The Bachelorette would come at us like this?

Next Week: Hometown week! Meeting potential in-laws! Family is important to Becca, and Colton’s probably going to be a hot dad. Jason’s mom doesn't think Becca’s that Into Him. Both of Blake’s parents are nervous. Garrett’s parents are skeptical and someone’s sibling doesn’t want Becca to pick him just to spare him the heartbreak. And then - a group girl time turns into Tia talking to Becca, and she’s sick to her stomach about something. Probably the fact that she’s still NOT the Bachelorette.

See you next week!

Random Assessments from the Desk of Amanda:

Somehow this has simultaneously been the longest season and the shortest season ever, right?

If Colton is The Bachelor I will KILL myself.

Give Jordan the stylist job, he’d be so good at it.

I hope Garrett and Becca banged in the ocean like Ben and Courtney.

Again, I do commend Becca for giving the top 6 each a one-on-one before giving anyone else their second one-on-one. Fairness is good.

I am so jealous of Becca’s ribcage.

I’m going to miss Leo’s hairography this season.

Becca loooooves making out in a guy’s arms. I don’t think he knows a single thing about any of these men.

I literally look so good in My Boyfriend Wills’s clothes, y’all.

Leo is a given, right? He's the guy who lucked into the top 6. ↩︎

Is there stock in sequin dresses I can buy? Like, do I need to make an investment in sequins because Becca is literally only dressed in sequin gowns or The Worst of Anthropologie. ↩︎

Do I think I could be in a relationship with someone who was a virgin? I don’t know. I mean, on one hand, you get to start with a blank slate and mold that person into your sexual ideal, but also, there are a lot of things to keep in mind when it comes to that kind of thing… primarily, consent. It’s kind of a bizarre power dynamic, right? I don’t think I could do it. One’s sexual identity is key to who they are, and I don’t know if I necessarily could be attracted to someone who didn’t know theirs. I’m an asshole. ↩︎

I loved Blake being like, “She knows what I’m going through right now,” and I understand he means in the Bachelor Experience, but I dolphinately was hoping the producers were just making Becca watch b-roll of Blake freaking out. ↩︎

Becca, you may be boring, but you’re not that boring. ↩︎

[radramblog]

Nintendo Direct E3 Takes

Well we’re pretty much done with E3 at this point, and it looks like once again Nintendo is carrying the whole damn thing on their back.

This is obviously a bit biased, because I’m not really into the AAA gaming industry otherwise, and the only other potential announcement I cared about didn’t happen. You had one fucking job, Capcom. One job.

Anyway as I did last time this came around I’m giving some hot takes like every single other person on this godforsaken internet because innovation is dead and react culture is king. Shall we?

Smash DLC Fighter…10 or something idk

I mean, look. I was hoping for an indie representative. Kazuya isn’t really that. But on the other hand, Tekken rep is something I can still get behind. They’ve already got Street Fighter and Fatal Fury in there, might as well get Tekken. What’s next, Raiden from Mortal Kombat? Hell, might as well get some Rivals of Aether character in there, might as well, don’t even have to change much.

From what little we’ve seen of Kazuya’s kit, it looks like his gimmick is going to be…complicated input combos for special attacks. Hm. Well, it’ll probably be fine. People managed with Ryu, they’ll manage with Kazuya. I do appreciate that they gave this guy his demon form- I guess they had to make him jump somehow, huh?

 Life is Strange

I haven’t played the original Life is Strange, but I did watch a playthrough so I know how it goes. Don’t really know much about Before the Storm or 2, but I don’t think 2 is part of this collection anyway? Look I’m probably not going to buy this, but it’s probably good that it exists. The original was like, actual good rep, I think, so they’re probably not going to fuck this one up. New character is neat looking, good for them.

 A Bunch of games, I guess

Guardians of the Galaxy? Damn dude, did I ask?

Worms Rumble said it had 32-person multiplayer, which I was like well hang on how’s that going to work with turn-based Worms combat you’d be waiting for ever. Except it isn’t turn-based. And it looks like ass as a result. F.

Astria Ascending…I’m reading this name and I already forgot what this was. Sorry if you cared about it I suppose.

I know nothing of the Two Point…series, I guess? I keep on seeing Hospital pop up on either Steam or the eShop, and I’ve scrolled past it without thinking twice every single time. Not about to change that.

 Super Monkey Ball

I understand this series was a lot of fun for a lot of people, but it just looks miserable to me. With that said, I have seen some speedruns of these games that look incredible, so on that axis I’m happy this is getting made. Makes doing a marathon-length run of this a fair bit easier.

 Mario Party

Look I haven’t even gotten around to playing my (very fake) Mario Party 3 cart, you think I’m going to buy another 80 dollar game on top of that? Nah.

 Metroid

Yoooooooooooooo lets fucking gooooooooooooo

Okay so I’ve actually never beaten a Metroid game. Got some ways into Fusion and Super but didn’t complete either of them. But this looks super cool and good and I’m here for it. They mentioned that this was the first new 2D Metroid game in 19 years, which I guess means Fusion was the latest one.

…wait how many Metroid games are there even? Like, the original, Super, Fusion, the three Primes, and that one we don’t talk about…is that it? That feels a lot smaller than I thought it was, but I guess it adds up.

Just don’t cock it up, I guess. Metroid and Castlevania’s absence have left indie devs to fight for the Metroidvania name, and it’s about time the big boys got to come back around again.

 More bullshit

Just Dance 2022. Is this one also coming out on the Wii?

Some racing game that looks cheap as fuck, neato. Man I feel bad for the devs working on these absolute shovelware games, like I bet they’re either working hard or being worked to the bone. But this is what the result is. R.I.P.

It’s about 13 years too late for me to be caring about Dragon Ball. Especially since this is just a port. Next.

Mario Golf

I mean we saw this earlier this year. I don’t even know what was actually new in this presentation.

Bowsers outfit is fucking clean though. Once again proving himself the best Mario character.

 Monster Hunter

Fuck off Capcom. Y’all are leaving Mega Man in the fucking dust and he doesn’t deserve it.

I mean I guess ill get into it here, I mostly just wanted something, anything for the Mega Man Battle Network series. It’s their 20th anniversary, and we haven’t gotten shit so far. Literally just a MMBN collection for the switch, that’s all I want. They were even on the Wii U VC, you can just port those again, I don’t care fucking give it to me.

Anyway. Monhun? Ehhh they already showed this at their lacklustre presentation who cares.

 Warioware

Look I haven’t played this series before, it’s probably fun, but I’m not sure how they stretch microgame content out into a fully-priced game.

Also, the multiplayer looks kinda miserable? Like, in case Mario Party was a little too efficient for ruining friendships, now you can yell at one person specifically for fucking the both of you up, and vice versa. Wheeeeee.

 SMT5

Shoutouts to Squiggy, they’re super hype for this and I’m happy to see it. I personally again haven’t played this series, let alone Persona (though 4 is sitting untouched in my steam library, oops), but it looks pretty aight. I’m sure there’ll be a huge pile of demons to fuck up, or friend up, and some level of story that people will like (I have literally no idea what the plot of the series is), so. Atlus (?) has been at this for a long fucking time, they aren’t goofing this up.

 Danganronpa

Shirtless Rantaro Shirtless Rantaro  (shamelessly stolen from u/ AnaLissaMelculo on r/danganronpa)

I’m interested to see Talent Development Plan develop into it’s own fully fleshed out game. It was surprisingly good for a tacked-on minigame, and I hope that they’ll fully take advantage of its potential.

It also looks like the 4 games are releasing separately on Switch, but there is a physical collectors edition with all of them, and I mean, I can probably afford that, riiiiight?

R.I.P. Ultra Despair Girls fans, snubbed yet again. Ehhhh fuck it aside from the dialogue that game sucks ass so its fine.

 More stuff

Fatal Frame looks spooky, I guess. I dunno, I was talking to mates through half of this one so I basically missed it.

DOOM Eternal DLC, cool. I still haven’t finished the original.

Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater should be on the Switch, and now it is. Or, it will be, in a couple weeks. Good.

There’s something on this list of notes called Strange Brigade, and I have literally no idea what that is. Oops again.

Mario+Rabbids 2, now with a Rabbid Goth GF. I’m terrified to go on any fuckin NSFW platforms for the next couple weeks, because I’m sure everyone is drawing incredibly cursed hentai of that thing. Ubisoft sucks ass, fuck Ubisoft, don’t buy this.

 Advance Wars

This sure isn’t Fire Emblem. Actually when I was explaining to my mates why this was cool, I called it Fire Emblem but with tanks instead of waifus, except I forgot this game still has waifus. I know strategy nerds love this series, so for their sake I’m happy to see it remade. This just looks unbelievably cute.

 Zelda

Oh look, Hyrule Warriors 2 DLC, Zelda gets the motorbike now, cool who fucking cares we got more BOTW sequel footage

It does kinda bug me that people keep calling this BOTW 2, because there’s no way that’s what it’s going to be called. Zelda has never done numbered sequels. I mean, they’ve also very rarely done sequels at all, but there are a few- Phantom Hourglass is a sequel to Wind Waker iirc.

It is kinda funny that right after I was saying boo who cares to Skyward Sword remake (still mad this is one game and not a collection) that the new game clearly has SS-ass floating islands and such.

I was hoping we’d get to see Zelda do things this game. Apparently not, she’s stuck in a hole now. Or dead. A shame. But Link at least looks kickass, so.

Look, they could not say a single other thing until release and everyone would still buy this game. Breath of the Wild was an incredible enough game that so many things that vaguely resemble it get compared- Genshin Impact comes to mind. This is likely made by the same (or similar) team, in the same world, and it looks fucking incredible. We all know this is going to be a good game. My hot take isn’t going to change that.

 And that’s the tea, sis. All the shit that Ninty had in their corner of E3. It’s a pretty solid lineup! It looks like they are bringing their A-game. I was kind of surprised not to see any Pokemon stuff- while it usually gets its own direct these days, BDSP is really coming up soon and they kinda need to win back the crowd on that one.

Oh what am I saying, it’s fucking Nintendo, it’s too big to fail.

[truemedian]

Kotaku Reacts To Animal Crossing: New Horizons

Screenshot: NintendoTwo weeks have passed since Animal Crossing: New Horizons came out, and almost everyone on the Kotaku staff has poured themselves into trying to make our new desert islands feel like home. It’s been...a process—full of blood, sweat, and a lot of broken axes—and we have some thoughts about it.Hopefully by now you’ve read fellow staff writer Ian Walker’s excellent review of the game, but in addition, we wanted to share the opinions, reactions, personal tribulations, and success stories of others on the staff as we survive Tom Nook’s fascinating new time share scheme together.

“My shitty house”—Maddy MyersScreenshot: Nintendo Maddy MyersI do not play simulation games. I spend no time at all on character creators. I’ve never played an Animal Crossing game before. And yet, Animal Crossing: New Horizons has become a game that I play almost every single day.I’m not sure if I’m even enjoying it. But I do know that it’s fulfilling a hyper-specific need for me right now. As an introverted person who already works from home, I don’t get a lot of social interaction in my daily life, outside of spending time with my equally introverted girlfriend. Before covid-19 happened, I would get a lot of low-impact socializing done in a typical week by chatting with the cashier at the grocery store, or making small talk with the other people at my gym. All of that is gone now.Instead, I make small talk with Timmy and Tommy. I discuss exercise with Flip, the jock monkey villager who lives in my Animal Crossing town. And, of course, I decorate my crappy Animal Crossing apartment and I invite my real-life friends over to (virtually) see it, and then I apologize to them, because it looks even worse than my actual real-life apartment. Animal Crossing allows me to perfectly recreate all the awkward but somehow fulfilling social interactions that I used to have when society still functioned.Will I keep logging in to Animal Crossing every day after the covid-19 pandemic has passed us over? Probably not. But until then, it’s given me a chance to see what it is that other people enjoy about this genre. It’s also made me realize that I need to seriously work on my interior decorating skills.

Ian WalkerI only own two pairs of jeans in real life, but I’m rapidly running out of room for all the clothes I buy in Animal Crossing. Here are some of my outfits:Mike FaheyOn the day Animal Crossing: New Horizons launched, the 512-gigabyte micro SD card in my Switch died. Four days later, after my wife had started playing, her Switch suddenly stopped charging. While trying to get her Switch to work, my system, purchased mere weeks before the game’s launch, stopped outputting video. As I normally play in TV mode, that’s not great. I have a Switch Lite, but I ran it over with my wheelchair and cracked the screen.Nintendo’s warranty repair is down, so I have to wait until the world returns to normal to get any of these consoles repaired. With Nintendo supply down, it’s nearly impossible to buy a new Switch right now. So my wife went on eBay and purchased a refurbished Switch tablet for $250. That’s how much fun we’re having bonding over Animal Crossing: New Horizons.

I can’t play when she can’t play. It’s just too sad. I feel bad sharing items I get, clothing I wear, and bugs I collect with her. For the several days we got to play together, by which I mean in the same room, it was much easier to forget pressing real-world concerns for a little while.We stayed up late to harvest bells. We got up early to see what occurred on our islands as we slept. The chores we must perform on our islands are much more entertaining than the ones we must perform in real life. They are still chores, but they pass the time and make us happy.Bklurbbbb...Natalie DegraffinriedI’ve spent 105 hours playing Animal Crossing: New Horizons over the span of a couple weeks. I suppose I kind of like Animal Crossing: New Horizons. Or my OCD is back with a vengeance. I keep going to celebrations for inclines and bridges even though I’m tired of them, so it’s probably the OCD.

I didn’t think I could take the fine art of min-maxing to higher heights, but here I am in an endless cycle of Nook tickets, tarantula grinding, and organizing my inventory by item valuation. It’s all to fund my Able Sisters shopping problem, ultimately. I look fly as hell, though.

Min-maxing in Animal Crossing is not for the faint of heart, nor is it always a great way to play. It might be even harder to do now that the seasons have changed. Will that stop me? No. I’ll keep getting upgrades and obsessively trying to pay them off in the same day. Do what gives you peace, I say.Just don’t be a fucking goober like my friend.

Riley MacLeodNew Horizons is my first Animal Crossing—our editor-in-chief Stephen talked the game up so much I got really curious about it. I only actually started playing this week, so everything feels very slow—when I get the itch to do something, I keep wanting to switch to Stardew Valley, but I’m really charmed by how happy the NPCs are when you do the simplest tasks and how often everyone claps for you. I also really like that your character runs around with their arms out. I put face paint on my guy and I can’t figure out how to get it off, so he just has face paint now I guess.

Ari NotisThe short version: This is the most annoying game I’ve ever played.And here’s how I really feel: At every turn, this stupid game presents a somehow brand-new hassle: how Blathers has to assess your fossils before you can donate them; how the Nook twins stop you to say thanks before you leave their shop, and how they say everything in not-quite-tandem (WTF is up with that); how you can only eat one fruit at a time; how your shovel is always breaking, your ax is always breaking, your net is always breaking; how two players can’t shop from the same person at the same time in co-op; how it’s impossible to dig a hole where you want; and how every damn day, that damn raccoon monster wastes my time to tell me there’s nothing new going on. I know there’s nothing new going on! This is Animal Crossing! Nothing new ever happens! This game is supposed to be an escape? Please. It’s at best a shoddy Xerox of life’s daily headaches.

Luke PlunkettEveryone says this is the game the world needs right now, but the last thing I need is a second mortgage hanging over my head. At least this one’s on the beach.Heather AlexandraI’ve never played an Animal Crossing game before now. In some ways, I missed out on many Nintendo games as my focus shifted off the Nintendo 64 in favor of the PlayStation and especially the modding scenes of PC games like Half-Life. When I needed a fix for homes away from home, I played Harvest Moon. That led to Stardew Valley and long hours on a co-op farm with a former partner. I enjoy the quiet of village sims and farming games. I also struggle to find the time for them.I haven’t taken the biggest plunge into ACNH. I had to focus on Nioh 2, then Doom Eternal, then Resident Evil 3. So 20-minute sojourns to my island every day were a rare and delicious treat. I can’t compare New Horizons to the others in the series, but I can say that it is an incredibly cozy game during a time when coziness seems rare. Sometimes, a good day means little more than some new wallpaper for your room. In other cases, it’s figuring out where to put that memorial statue you found. Animal Crossing is simple, but that simplicity is why you play it. Planting a new tree, inviting a new animal friend to your island. Small things that don’t feel small at all.Now, if only that freako rabbit would get off my island already...

Where every month is hoagie fest. Screenshot: Nintendo Ethan GachEvery night I shake all the trees, pick all the weeds, and smack objects with my axes until all of them break. In the morning I sell the stuff, and the cycle repeats. Conversations with other villagers scroll past as I smash the A button so I can get back to work. I buy everything I can from Tom Nook like I’m filling out a Sears Catalog Pokédex. I pay off all the loans thanks to the million bells I earned from New Horizons’ week-one infinite item glitch and subsequently invested in the Turnip market. I donate the wood and iron needed to build new homes for new residents. I capture new bugs and fish for the betterment of science. And all the while I wait like Vladimir and Estragon for an epiphany that will help contextualize each individual mundane task and help them culminate into a larger story I can derive some deeper sense of meaning and purpose from.Instead I’m left with a list of things that more closely resembles a CVS receipt. I suspect that’s a problem with me and not the game.Nathan GraysonFor the past week, I’ve been meaning to play through Doom Eternal and finally, properly dive into Control. Instead, I have mostly played Animal Crossing.I don’t really like it? I respect the relaxed pace it’s trying to establish, but by forcing players to step to its beat with fussy mechanics and NPCs who needlessly repeat themselves all the time, it’s managed to annoy me just as often as it’s lulled me into a state of balmy island bliss. Also, I’m bad at interior design, so right now my house looks like World of Warcraft’s Molten Core raid if Ragnaros was a disorganized college freshman who had no idea what to do with his dorm.Oh, and all my neighbors suck. In previous Animals Crossing (correct plural) , that didn’t matter so much, because I enjoyed doing little chores for them and feeling like I was creating a sense of community even among characters with whom I didn’t see eye to eye. In New Horizons, though, it’s all about land development, which feels less personal. I don’t want KK Slider to show up because I optimized my town. I want him to play some tunes for my villagers and me because he’s a chill, cool dude.All that said, this game has given me one of the coolest in-game moments I’ve experienced since we all got trapped inside our houses. I wrote about this at length in another piece, but the other night, DJ and streamer Clarke “Grimecraft” Nordhauser threw an in-game rave, and I attended. Surrounded by the avatars of people I did not know and dancing along with awkwardly improvised moves, I felt the same mixture of fear and exhilaration I’ve felt at countless shows in real life. After I shook my nerves (read: drank a glass of wine), it turned into a relaxing, nice time where everybody mostly talked about how good the music was and how much they appreciated the whole thing. Sometimes, a vacation can be 90 percent unpleasant, but then years later, all you remember is a soothing day on the beach or a perfect sunset. Animal Crossing has some really nice sunsets.

“Me and my partner hanging out last night in AC”—Paul TamayoScreenshot: Nintendo Paul Tamayo I’ve already talked about how Animal Crossing: New Horizons couldn’t have come at a better time, but the ways it’s helping me keep in touch with friends by sending gifts in-game, getting help from my podcast listeners, and hopping on calls to visit each other’s islands has taken this game to another level for me. It’s also giving me the space to put care into my own island like it’s my own adorable bonsai tree. I get to care for it and improve upon it in a million different ways. My partner actually made the beautiful observation yesterday that even after island hopping through our friends’ islands, it really does feel good to return home to your own space. Read More Read the full article