#other reason is i wanted to include all of those challengers images and i ran out of room

[oldbutchdanielcraig]

[queenbeean]

for better or for worse / bucky barnes

author’s note: this is my first bucky fic so bear with me please; this is my entry for @celestialbarnes 4k writing challenge; i’m sorry this is short and bad

warnings: bad writing, angst, mentions of cheating, fluff and smut MINORS DO NOT INTERACT

prompt #6 “i guess you didn’t mean it when you said for better or for worse”

taglist: @sweater-daddiesdumbdork

Bucky has never walked faster in his life. The handle of the plain brown paper bag was almost burning him. He felt as if everybody walking down the street was either staring at him or at the bag. What’s worse, he felt like every person knew what was inside the bag. His heart was beating faster. You were going to kill him. Maybe worse, he feared you were going to freak out, feel violated and then dump him. But on the other hand, he promised you he’d do this. Well, only part of it.

“Fuck.” He whispered. Or he thought he did. When he felt three people turning their heads to him, he pulled his cap down and walked faster to your shared apartment. Once he closed the door, he finally allowed himself to breathe. Leaning over the door, he took his cap and ran his fingers to his now shorter and quite sweaty hair.

“Why are you all flushed? And what’s in the bag?” Before Bucky could register Sam’s voice, he drew his knife out and threw it at where he heard him. Sam was quick to react and moved his head in the nick of time.

“What the hell, Sam?” Bucky walked up to the wall where the knife was now stuck. That was going to be hard to explain to you. “How did you get in?”

“Did you also shop for lingerie back in the thirties?” Sam’s voice was overshadow by the sound of wrinkling tissue paper.

Bucky almost flew and ripped the bag from Sam’s hand, ripping the bag in the process and making the contents of the bag explode in every direction. “That’s none of your business. Now you need to go.” He said as he pushed his business partner out the door.

Before he could close it, Sam stopped him. “Listen, I wouldn’t have peeked if I knew those were going to be in there. It was payback from that time I got donuts for my nephews.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“Say hi to Y/N for me.” Sam said as he walked to the elevator.

For the second time, Bucky leaned against the door. He knew it wasn’t a good idea to go shopping for underwear. But he had promised you to replace the thong he ripped from your body. The memory of your small moans against his neck as you two tried new things flooded his mind. The two of you have never tried quickies in forbidden places but he couldn’t bear the thought of not talking to each other anymore. Which was the other reason why he decided to buy you one or maybe four more lingerie sets. The very same sets that were now thrown everywhere.

As he picked them up, he could only imagine how you would look in them. That image and the memory of the last time you two made love made his pants considerably tighter but you wouldn’t be home for another six hours. Maybe he could wait for you. Prepare dinner and wrap his presents for you.

Who was he kidding? The smallest thought of you had him craving you hard. And since he couldn’t have you right now, he was left with one thing to do.

Six hours later, you closed the door behind you and dropped your stuff, your keys getting caught with your scarf that also fell. “Shit.” You whispered under your breath. As you bent down to pick them up, something from underneath the couch caught your attention. “What the hell?” Your finger was almost burning as the little piece of fabric hung from it. It was a pastel blue and lace and there wasn’t almost any fabric to it. What was worse, it wasn’t yours.

I swear to God, if he cheated on me...

The opening of the door, awoke Bucky from his nap. “Hi, doll.” His smile almost made you forget about the incriminatory thong. The anger in your eyes made him sober up and sit up. “Doll?”

“Don’t call me that, James. What the fuck is this?!” You threw the fabric to his face. As soon as he took it from his face, his eyes widened. “I guess you didn’t mean it when you said for better or for worse.”

“Doll? Doll, it’s not what it looks like!” He yelled after you and almost caught you but you shut the bathroom door on his face. The first wave of shock simmered down and the reality of the situation caught up to you. He didn’t deny it but the look on his face was an answer, right? What if he didn’t? But what if he did? Oh, God, you almost threw up at the thought...

You were snapped out of it when the door was opened — or rather ripped off its hinges quite easily. Curse his vibranium arm, you thought.

“Did you cheat on me?”

“No.” Bucky said as he came closer to you. “No, I didn’t. I would never.” His hands cupped your cheeks and his thumbs wiped away the few tears that came out. The look on your face broke his heart. He hates that he wasn’t careful enough with his present for you. And more importantly, that yesterday’s fight led to you not trusting him anymore.

“Whose thong is that then?” You sniffled.

Bucky smiled slightly at you. He took your hand and led you to the kitchen pantry where he kept your present for the time being. He rummaged through the contents of the gift bag and pulled out the exact same panties he ripped off you. “Remember yesterday when I promised I’d buy you another?” You nodded and felt embarrassment fill you. “I might have gotten carried away and bought some sets I think you might like but I can always return them if you don’t like them, well except for the blue one because the tag is ripped off. I’m going to make Sam pay me back if you don’t like that one-”

You cut him off by pulling him down to your height and kissing him. His beard was slightly scratching you but you didn’t care. He went through all the trouble and bought you stuff the both of you might enjoy. The thought of this hundred-year-old man going out and do something like that made you feel so stupid but so incredibly loved and special.

“I’m sorry I doubted you.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for.” Bucky said as he lifted you. You wrapped your legs around his waist and he led the two of you to the couch. “I can see how this could be misinterpreted.”

“I’m still sorry.”

“Well I’m sure you can make it up to me.” Bucky smirked as he laid back on the couch, leaving you straddling his hips. “If you want to of course.”

You placed a finger on his mouth. “How can I not want to when you are the sweetest old man? Wait, that didn’t sound as sexy as I hoped.”

Bucky chuckled, placing his hands underneath your shirt and rubbing circles on your hips. “Good thing I know what you mean... and that I don’t look my age.”You frowned and crossed your arms. “I’m kidding, doll.” His palms moved to your back and pulled you to him, your lips meeting his as soon as you were close enough.

“Bucky.” You moaned against his lips, his kiss leaving you breathless and wanting more. “Bucky, please.”

“What do you need, doll?”

“I need you...” You moaned again as his lips kissed underneath your jaw. “Make love to me please.”

“Gladly, doll.” His hands took the hem of your shirt and pulled it off you. Your hands were quick to unclasp your bra and throw it on the floor.

Both of your hands bumped into each other as you tried to unbutton each other’s jeans. “You do yours and I’ll do mine.” You stood up to take off yours along with your pants and he wriggled until he got them off, his boxers included. Once more, you straddled his hips and bent down to kiss him again.

“Ouch.”

“Are you okay?” Bucky asked you as he examined your face, trying to figure out what was wrong.

“Something poked me.”

Bucky chuckled. “I guess I’m a little excited.”

You rolled your eyes. “It wasn’t you.” You moved your hand in between your bodies and pulled out a... tag? “James Buchanan Barnes, did you spent seventy dollars on me? Wait, no, you got more stuff. How much did you spend on me?”

“It was my pleasure, doll. Just like it’s my pleasure to do this.” He repeated his actions from before and pulled you down but this time, his lips took one of your nipples into his mouth, kissing it and licking it as his vibranium arm played with the other bud, instantly erecting it with the cold metal.

“Bucky.” You moaned again as you bucked your hips against his, his hard cock rubbing your clit.

“Wrap your cunt around me, doll.” He said as he switched his lips to your other breast.

Blindly, you positioned yourself and slowly sank down onto him. Your hands gripped his shoulders hard at the delicious stretch but he didn’t complain. “Bucky, fuck! Bucky, Bucky!” You moaned out loud as you were filled completely by him.

“That’s it, doll. You feel so good, so tight, so warm.” Bucky never thought he’d be able to enjoy this level of pleasure and he never did until he met you.

You started off by moving your hips lazily, still feeling the stretch from his big cock. As the pleasure built, you sat up straight and placed your hands on his chest. You needed something to support yourself as Bucky decided you were ready to bounce on him. He gripped your hips and helped you move up and down, leaving you breathless.

“Y-you are s-so big, Bucky.” You breathed out as you tried to match the buck of his hips.

“And you are squeezing me too much, sweetheart. I’m close.” Bucky grunted out and took your hands in his.

You opened your eyes and looked at him as your bouncing slowed down. He looked beautiful underneath you, his eyes shut and always the gentleman, he held it in so you could come first. Not that he’d need time to recover, he was a super soldier after all but it was the thought that counted. But you wanted him to enjoy the ride so you started...

“Y/N, no.” Bucky said in between moans. “Doll...”

Your voice was breathless as you started spelling his name. “Just relax, Bucky and fill me up.” As soon as you said those words, he pinned your hands behind your back and brought you down to him.

With a short margin, he was able to drill into you for what felt like forever and even after you were squeezing him for all he was worth, he didn’t let up until the amount of Bucky coming out of your mouth decreased considerably and also when he felt your juices combined with his were running down both your legs.

With shaky legs, you tried and sat up. Your walls still throbbing around his cock. “Let’s stay like this for a bit and then we can take a bath.” Bucky suggested, voice still breathless.

“Okay.” You whispered as you rested your cheek on his chest. “By the way, how did you know what store to go to?”

“How could I not know, doll? I love you and I know what makes you happy.” Bucky felt how you tensed at his words. “What is it?”

“I still feel bad for not trusting you.”

Bucky brought his hand to brush your hair in comfort. “Don’t apologize, love. If it had been the other way around, I’d probably have thought the same.” He whispered and kissed the top of your head. “And I meant what I said yesterday, for better or for worse. Life will take weird turns but we are going to get through them together. It’s you and me.”

“Who would’ve thought Sergeant Barnes could be so soft?” You teased him but knew he meant it.

“Maybe you could model the lingerie for your Sergeant?”

“Way to ruin the moment, James.”

“You love me.”

“I do love you, Bucky. For better and for worse.”

[spencersstrawberryjello]

Scum of the Earth (Spencer Reid x fem!MC)

Summary: After a prison interview gone wrong, MC is left to recover from the disgusting things the prisoner said (with Spencer’s help, of course)

Content: Hurt/Comfort

Warnings: Mentions of violence related to crime, including rape and torture, as well as swearing

MC’s name and pronouns: no name mentioned, she/her

Word Count: 2420

A/N: Can you tell I watched Mindhunter right before I wrote this one? lmao

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“Pretty girl,” the man in front of me clicked his tongue, observing me from his position across the interview table, “The things I’d do to you…”

My hands trembled, but I forced myself to appear calm as I leaned in, a challenge in my eyes. “Would you do to me what you did to those girls?”

He let out a harsh laugh, one that sent a shock of fear straight through my body. He leaned back in his chair, giving me a shameless once over before he spoke again. 

“Oh sweetheart, you’re better than any of those whores.”

“Whores? So you mean to tell me you weren’t attracted to them?”

“Of course I was attracted to them,” He scoffs, as if it was obvious, “How could I not be? No, I was attracted to them; I just didn’t respect them.”

“And you respect me?”

“Well you are an FBI agent, are you not?”

“People like you have a tendency to resent us more than respect us, if I’m honest with you.”

“People like me? You mean monsters. Is that how you see me, Agent? A monster?”

“Not monsters. I merely mean people in prison. We are the reason you’re in this hellhole, after all.”

“Dirty mouth,” He laughed, “Wonder what else you could do with that.”

“I -”

“You asked me if I’d do to you what I did to the other girls,” He leaned in now, his face inches from mine, his voice barely above a whisper, “The girls I raped. The ones that I tortured, that I murdered. Would you like to hear what’s running through my mind right now, honey?”

I couldn’t breathe, my throat tightening as cold fear coursed through my body. But my entire job was to figure out how this man thought. For research.

Nothing in my research could’ve prepared me for what he was about to say, though. 

“That’s what I’m here for, isn’t it? To hear what’s running through your mind?” I replied. His mouth curled into a haunting grin, and he lowered his voice even more, as if he was trying to keep the people he knew were monitoring this interview from outside the room from hearing him.

“I’d take my time on you,” He started, his voice making every inch of my skin crawl, “Too good to waste…”

I had to force myself not to pull away as he began to detail exactly what he was thinking, his voice still too low for Hotch to hear him through the weak security camera microphones. 

Never in my entire career did I imagine I’d be sitting across from vermin like him, listening as he described, in painstakingly visual imagery, how he’d force himself on me, how he’d torture me until I craved the sweet relief of death. How he’d finally murder me. My entire body was shaking, and I couldn’t do anything but bite back the nausea at the scenes he detailed for me. 

I had half a mind to thank god that I remembered to turn on the recorder in my front pocket. There was no way that the mics on the security cameras were picking this up - there was a reason no one had pulled me out of the room yet - and the things he was saying were incredibly revealing, from a behavioral standpoint. But I couldn’t be excited about the new information when he was describing my own death in front of me.

It wasn’t until he reached up and ran his finger along the curve of my jaw that Hotch stormed back in. I hadn’t realized I was close enough to him for him to touch me, but I flinched away from his touch, making him laugh as guards returned to the room, pulling his arms behind his back and escorting him from the room as he laughed.

“Hope you got the information that you needed, sweetheart!” He called as he was removed from the area. I heard his laughter echo up and down the hall, and I immediately rose from the table, my hands still shaking. 

“Can it, Lewis!” One of the guards demanded, but it was quiet as the sounds faded down the hall.

Hotch’s expression of anger turned to one of concern when he saw my expression, my face paled, my eyes far away. 

“What was he saying to you?” He asked. I just pulled my recorder out of my pocket with trembling hands, holding it out to him and fumbling with the button to turn it off so I didn’t waste space. 

“You can listen for yourself. I can’t -” I shook my head, trying to clear it. 

“Ok,” He took it from me, slipping it into the pocket of his suit as he regarded me carefully, “Ok. Are you good to walk back out of here?” 

I attempted to steady my breathing before nodding and grabbing my blazer off the back of the chair, slipping it on and following Hotch out of the prison. I felt a bit better with every step away from the prison we took, but his voice bounced around my mind, the scenes that my imagination created so vivid that I couldn’t seem to push them away. 

Somehow, he knew exactly how to play on my history to get under my skin. He knew exactly what to say to make my skin crawl, and it made another wave of nausea wash over me just thinking about it. Because as bad as the horrors I’d just heard were, they brought about an even more terrifying question.

How did he know?

I had half a mind to ask, but there was a chance it was just a coincidence. I knew that if Hotch had any concerns after listening to the recording I’d made, he’d come to me about it. For the moment, I merely stared out the window, watching the scenery rush by on our way back to the jet. When we finally arrived at the airstrip, I wanted nothing more than to be alone. 

Or at least, alone with one other person. 

Spencer greeted us when we got back on the jet, and immediately he could tell that something was wrong. I was pretty sure my hands were still shaking, and he pulled me into a tight hug.

“How’d the interview go?” He asked. I wasn’t sure if the question was directed at me or Hotch, but I replied before he could.

“It was incredibly informative,” I broke the hug, pulling back to talk to the both of them, “His conversation directly with me revealed a lot about his thought process when doing what he did.”

“Directly with - you were in there by yourself?” Spencer immediately snapped his gaze to Hotch. 

“Calm down, Spence, I volunteered to talk to him alone. You really think our resident Unit Dad here would just ditch me?” I joked, to which Hotch rolled his eyes as I continued explaining, “I thought that I might be able to elicit a more honest response from him if I was talking to him one on one.”

“Because you’re a pretty young woman,” Spencer stated, showing he understood my thought process. I just faked a scandalized gasp, one shaky hand on my chest.

“Dr. Reid, are you calling me pretty? You know, that’s very unprofessional behavior for the workplace.”

“I can think of some behavior that’s a bit more unprofessional,” He teased before pulling me in for a quick kiss. I heard Emily’s voice from behind us. 

“Ugh, sit down!” She called. I offered her a choice gesture before moving away from Spencer, moving to sit in the corner near the back of the plane. Hotch held up my recorder as he walked by, signaling that he was going to listen to it and bringing the nausea back in full force. 

I felt the color drain from my face again, though he didn’t notice. He’d already taken his seat, pulling out a laptop and headphones from his bag. 

Spencer noticed though, from his seat across from me.

“Hey,” He grabbed my hands. I hadn’t even noticed they’d started trembling again. “What happened in there?”

“I - he’s a disgusting person, Spence. Like, scum of the earth disgusting.”

“Lewis?”

I nodded, and he moved from sitting across from me to sitting next to me, pulling me into a hug. I just buried my head against his chest, trying to distract my mind from the sound of George Lewis’s voice, and the images that came flooding back to me. 

“What did he do to you?” Spencer asked. I shook my head.

“He didn’t do anything. It’s just what he said that shook me up.”

He was quiet, clearly waiting for me to continue. I drew in a shaky breath, not moving from his arms as I spoke.

“I… I was trying to get inside his head. I wanted to hear his thought process during the crimes the way that he viewed it, and I knew that using my femininity against him was the best way to do it. I was trying to get him to open up to me because he thought I was attractive…” I trailed off for a moment, the feeling of his hand on my face so real that I almost reached up to smack it away. I fought back the bubble of nausea rising in my stomach as I continued, going into as little detail as possible. “It worked, I guess. What he said was very telling.”

“Babe?” Spencer said after I fell into another lapse of silence. I pulled back to meet his eyes, and the concern in them stopped my heart, “What did he say?”

“...He described exactly what he would do to me if I were one of his victims. In painstaking detail, how he would rape me, torture me, kill me -” My whole body was shaking at this point, and I ducked my head back into his chest, feeling his arms tighten around me. “- I just can’t get his voice out of my head. Can’t get those images out of my head.”

“Reid?” I expected to hear Spencer respond, but instead I heard Hotch. I looked up to see him standing in the aisle, a dark look in his eyes, “Could I talk to you for a moment?”

“I -” He looked between me and Hotch, and I gave him a small smile. 

“Go,” I assured him. I had a feeling that this little meeting was because Hotch had listened to the recording, anyway. 

Spencer reluctantly got up, following Hotch over near the back of the cabin, where he’d set his computer on the counter. I watched as Spencer put the headphones in his ears, pressing play on the recording and listening. I couldn’t see his face, I could only see Hotch’s reaction as the clip went on, but Hotch looked pissed.

I mean, more than his resting pissed face, of course. 

Spencer took the headphones out of his ears after a moment, slowly placing them back on the computer, his body language illustrating a state of shock. He glanced back at me, and I saw a dozen emotions raging across his expression. Of course, there were three that were the strongest.

Anger.

Shock.

And worry.

He immediately crossed the plane back to me, pulling me into a tight hug before moving to sit back down, still keeping me in his arms. He placed a kiss on the top of my head without speaking, one hand splayed on my back to keep me close to him. 

“You listened to the interview?” I phrased it as a question, even though it was more of a statement.

“He never should’ve been allowed to say that stuff to you,” He said. I just shook my head.

“I provoked it. I wanted him to reveal what he was really thinking.”

“It still should never have gotten that far.”

“It worked though.”

“It worked at your expense,” He argued, “You shouldn’t have to do that.”

“I didn’t have to do anything. I chose to.”

“Are you ok?” He asked, the question catching me off guard. He pulled a bit back from the hug, prompting me to look up at him. “I heard the shit he said, baby. Are you ok?”

“I… I’ll be fine. It just really shook me up.”

“You're trembling - you have been since we got on the plane. You’ve been trying to hide it, but I noticed. And I can tell you’re trying not to be sick -"

“... Maybe a better way to phrase it is ‘scared the living shit out of me.’”

He laughed softly, leaning back against the arm of the chair before pulling me close again so I could rest my head against his chest. “That’s closer to what I’ve observed.”

We laid there silently for a moment, his arms wrapped tightly around me, one hand softly tracing indistinct patterns up and down my back as I felt his chest rise and fall against me. George Lewis’s voice echoed inside my mind, and I buried my head deeper into his chest, prompting him to hold me closer. 

I was still shaking, and I wrapped my arms around him, gripping the back of his shirt to try to steady my hands. He placed a soft kiss on my forehead, and continued to run his hands along my back. The gentle motion was comforting as I forced the memories of the interview to the side, allowing myself to drift off into what I prayed would be a dreamless sleep.

-----------------------------------

“How is she doing?” Hotch asked. Spencer sighed, looking down at me now asleep in his arms. 

“She was trembling, Hotch - I don’t know if I’ve seen something as simple as an interview affect her this badly before.”

“I know… is there any other reason you can think of that what Lewis said would have such an effect on her?”

He reflected for a moment, biting his lip and looking back down at me with indecision in his eyes. Finally, he looked back up at Hotch. “There could be. But it’s something you might want to talk to her about directly… it’s not really my business to share.”

“Is she in any danger?”

Spencer shook his head. “Just something that happened when she was younger. With her sister.”

Hotch nodded, giving Spencer’s shoulder a squeeze in a gesture of comfort before returning to his seat. Spencer returned to his soft touches around my body, his hands smoothing down my hair as I slept in a cold slumber.

[anxiouslyfred]

Piano Time

For @dukexietyweek‘s prompt Music

Summary: Virgil struggled to stop yelling to be heard when he was first accepted and now he can see Remus going through the same thing. Perhaps sharing his method to find some quiet time will help.

Warnings: I don’t think there are any, let me know if I need to add something.

/\/\

Fighting to get heard and the focus on you was exhausting. Virgil had hated the days when just getting Thomas to consider the consequences of his actions was a battle against Patton, Logan and Roman. Those were the weeks when he finally realised what Janus meant when he claimed that not everything had to be a rock concert, although Jazz was just as bad for getting attention and energy when it was well done.

Not that he could actually admit that. The known sides would have been beyond suspicious if Virgil had stopped yelling with anything less than the acceptance arc he was put through and going back to Janus after everything? Well that wasn't something he was willing to do.

Instead Janus came to him and seemed to cause more breakdowns in his attempts to get accepted than any side had thought possible. Thomas really struggled with realigning his self-image to include the capacity to lie or trick overs purely for his own gains occasionally. Remus coming up front was probably just one more thing that Thomas felt like he had to acknowledge if he was going to accept being selfish sometimes.

Except now Virgil was watching another side go through the same exhaustion he'd had to suppress and hide for months before his attempt to duck out. Remus wasn't being given a chance to just slow down or stop yelling when with the other sides and Virgil started to wonder how much of the grins were Remus's version of flinching.

While going through it alone Virgil had relied on his headphones, on slow songs, almost meditative music, to soothe the screams for silence that ran through his mind. He hadn't truly cared if someone found out, but getting Remus to pause and slow down meant he probably should.

After all, how to you get the frantic energy of pure honesty and creativity combined to listen to peaceful piano tunes, than by acting like it's a dirty secret you'd get scorned if it was discovered? Plenty of other things Virgil had actually done everything he could to hide had been discovered by Remus for just that reason and now it was going to work to help.

/VR\

Coming into his room after a week of being suspicious of anyone getting too close to him when wearing headphones on, Virgil finally breathed a sigh of relief to see Remus messing about with them.

“What's so bad about classical music, Tarantuling?” The question just got him grinning, climbing onto the bed beside Remus.

Only once there did he take the headphones back, momentarily checking the track playing to play it from his speakers instead. “Nothing, but how else to get you to take a break from screaming and listen to something quieter for a bit?”

“An invitation would work. Could've used a ribbon round a fly to get me here.” Remus shrugged, easily moving into the touch of Virgil leaning against him.

Virgil snorted, shaking his head already. “Might've got you here, but here and willing to just let the piano play without searching for something to remind me that you're the big powerful Duke full of gross or horrifying nightmares that Thomas could be sharing with his friends. Yeah, I know what it's like to be unable to stop yelling for attention and you wouldn't have paused just cause I wanted you here.”

“You think this music helps? Sounds like some hokey logical nonsense.” Remus scoffed, shoving carelessly at the phone, not enough to knock it off the bed though.

“Either it does, or being beside me makes you stop frantically searching for the next thing to get attention using. Gives us a break from the others either way.” He didn't get a response to that point, just an arm around his shoulders and a smile.

/RV\

It was Remus who next got them to listen to slow music together.

He didn't do an invitation either, just grabbed Virgil halfway through a lecture from Logan about the importance of consistent video posting. “That's great, I think Roman's in the imagination's theatre if you want to talk about more unrealistic goals, but Virgil and I had better be going to battle with the marshmallow man.”

Virgil snickered at the stunned look he got for just letting himself be thrown of Remus's shoulder and carried away without a fight. They'd both been getting louder recently though, trying to make sure their voices were heard and at a minimum considered among the tumult of the other sides.

“Piano time?” He asked once they were in Remus's room, getting a rapid nod that shook through Remus and the bed he'd put them both on.

Remus hadn't questioned or even tried to challenge if it was cuddling or the calmer music that had helped him relax from the clammer for attention. He just new the 2 combined had helped and was going to take advantage unless Virgil tried to fight it.

Being pulled down and against Virgil's chest showed that wasn't going to happen though and all too soon they had the music playing too.

/VR\

“You know you can just say you have a date to get to, no need to kidnap each other when you want to disappear off with Remus.” Roman commented, a month or more after the first time Virgil and Remus sat listening to music together.

They'd started dragging each other to calm down a lot recently, realising that together they could get each other heard more without screaming or drastic suggestions but still wanting the time to be quiet in their lives.

Virgil just blinked at him for a moment, before poking the shoulder he wasn't currently thrown over. Remus had frozen at the words too, and with a twist to see his expression it seemed like he hadn't realised they were basically dating yet either.

“Well this was just us trying to escape to calm down without needing attention for a bit, but you're right. It sounds a lot more fun to say I get kidnapped for dates than anything else.” He turned back to Roman, unsurprised when he was suddenly bouncing in the hold, although the switch to being in a bridal carry was a bit bizarre.

“I don't carry loved ones like sacks of meat. Come on, fallen angel, we've got a concert to listen to.” Remus twitched his moustache with a grin. No plans changed, just the name they gave to their relationship, and they were soon shut up in Virgil's room with music washing over them.

[hansols-yoda-boxers]

Royal Affairs

Princess!Wheein x Palace Staff!Female Reader

Word Count: 4927

Contents: royalty au, slight angst, switch wheein, switch reader, thigh grinding, praise, breast play, oral, clit stimulation, tribbing, squirting

Note: @thetypingpup Happy Birthday!!!! This year has been, a whole ass year. And here we are coming to the end of it nonetheless. I know this year has been an absolute bitch for you in more ways than one but you are capable and resilient and wonderful. I’m so glad that more and more you find the ways to make your blog somewhere fun cuz we all need some fun, especially in a year like this. I hope you have a very good day, love!

“Come in,” Wheein’s voice lilted through the air following your knock. You opened the door slowly, keeping your demeanor proper. Wheein was sitting in front of her mirror, candles lit around her chamber, warming the rich emerald tones of her curtains and the canopy surrounding her large, plush bed.

“Perfect timing,” she said evenly, combing the ends of her hair out. “I’m in need of some assistance with my hair.”

You closed the door behind yourself. “No one else is around,” you hummed.

“Good,” she sighed, slumping into her seat and quickly dropping the proper posture she carried around everyone but you. “My hair is a mess and I cannot reach the back.”

You chuckled as you made your way across the room to her. Taking the comb from her hands and started to work on the knots at the ends of her hair. “You really outdid yourself, today.”

“I do think it was one of my best,” she grinned at you through the mirror.

“How do you manage to come up with such ideas?” You mused.

“They really just come to me,” she laughed. “Maybe it’s desperation. Nothing quite like the threat of getting married off to some random noble to make the ideas start flowing.”

You joined in with her chuckles. The king and queen were beyond exasperated at this point. You had lost count of how many suitors Wheein had sent packing. You were sure these were benefits to marrying her off, political alliances, more power, those sorts of things. You knew Wheein knew them well. But she had made her mind that she wasn’t going to be married off, with enough conviction to keep it up until her parents finally gave up on the idea.

“How did you get your hair so tangled?” You asked.

“I brushed it in all directions. I kept putting it up and taking it down. I even tied a few knots right in there,” she said brightly. “I had to tear up that old dress and run it through the mud to really get the look right.”

“Do you think people will wonder how the king and queen raised such a wild woman?” You giggled.

“Ah my kingdom has seen me before,” she said in a relaxed manner. “They’ll have caught on by now. I like to think they take bets on what I’ll do next.”

“The chefs do,” you laughed. “I was in the kitchens for a moment the other day and they were discussing what they thought you would do this time. It truly brings the whole palace together.”

“See,” she laughed. “It’s good for morale!”

“That it is,” You snorted. “But if you do this again and these knots are any worse I might just have to cut them out.”

“You should,”  she challenged you with a grin. “Just chop all my hair off, make it nice and short.”

“Something tells me the king and queen wouldn’t approve of a princess with short hair.” You chuckled.

“So,” she challenged cheekily. “It’s not like I’m any less royal with less hair. Maybe we should do it now.”

“If I do it now the queen will have my head,” you snorted.

“No she won’t, not if I have anything to say about,” she huffed.

You leaned in closer. “I don’t wanna get sent to the dungeon.”

“I won’t let her send you to the dungeon!” She cried.

“I’m not cutting your hair short today.”

Wheein pouted. “This is why I don’t always tell you how I plan to run off the suitors. You don’t let me do anything fun.”

“We have plenty of fun,” you hummed, finally coming to the last few knots in her hair. “I’m simply a voice of reason. You can’t completely ruin your image or the people will never let you take over the crown. And you and I both know you’ll be a fantastic queen.”

“What if I don’t want to be queen?” she sniffed.

“You do,” you said. “You already know you’re going to be good at it. And what would you ever do if you left?”

A grin tugged at her lips. “Well I’d take you with me.”

You couldn’t help your own grin. “I should have known you’d say that.”

“Don’t tell me you would stay here if I was gone,” she gasped in fake surprise.

“It’s a good job,” you shrugged before laughing as she reached back and tried to whack your arm.

“No you’re right,” you hummed. “I think I would miss you too much if you left. This palace just wouldn’t feel the same without you here.”

“I knew it,” she said smugly, though her tone was full of fondness.

“And,” You ran your fingers through her hair. “I’m done.”

“You, my stunning angel,” she smiled. “Have magic fingers.”

“I-I know,” you didn’t mean for your voice to stumble but it betrayed you. Wheein stood from her seat and grabbed your wrist, pulling you closer before sitting you down in front of her mirror.

“You’re too cute,” she grinned. “I want to see something.”

You twisted around in the seat as she moved to her wardrobe and grabbed a few small boxes. Wheein was close to giddy as she placed the boxes on the vanity and opened one, revealing a number of necklaces set with precious stones. She considered them for a moment before choosing one set with rich blue sapphires that caught the light in an enchanting way.

“Here.” You fought to keep your breath even as her hands came gently around your neck. She laid the necklace against your skin, smiling and leaning in until her lips were close to your ear. “Doesn’t this look just breathtaking on you?” She murmured.

“I-It-” You tried to process her closeness that could make you feel a little dizzy, your mind swarmed with too many thoughts of where the night might go. Your fingers came up to touch the piece of jewelry gently. “It’s really beautiful.”

“That’s because you’re beautiful,” Wheein hummed.

You met her eye in the mirror. “Should we be-”

“I’m just having fun,” she grinned. “But I want to see something else.”

You sat, reeling a little and processing her words as she whisked the necklace away. “I think it looks nicer on you than it does on me. Perhaps I should gift it to you.”

“I-If you did that people would surely find out,” you felt a little flustered at the proposition. Wheein had made it clear from the beginning that she didn’t expect you to be too proper or stiff around her and over time she’d started to treat you as a friend. But still, giving a worker in a palace one of her own personal jewelry pieces would raise suspicion at the very least.

“And yet,” she pulled something else out of a box. “I see no reason that it should be mine when I don’t wear it. And it suits you so much better.”

You saw your reflection’s eyes widen as she carefully brought a tiara over your head, set with a dazzling array of sapphire, tanzanite, and indigolite that glimmered in the candlelight. She placed it gently in your hair. 

“Doesn’t it look so natural, like you were born to wear it?”

You felt stunned. No matter how relaxed you were around Wheein you kept your wits about you around anyone else, including her parents. You knew that her tiaras weren’t meant to sit on your head. It made you feel a little dizzy, glance shifting quickly to look at the door. No one ever bothered you in here, not unannounced at least. But still, how much trouble would you be in were you to be caught?

“I-I shouldn’t-”

“Relax,” Wheein placed her hands on your shoulders, her lips resting next to your ear. “Just relax and look at yourself. You know I would never get you in any real trouble.” Her lips curled into a grin. “I just want you to see it.”

You let out a small sigh, relaxing back a bit and trying to will your heart to calm down. The tiara sat atop your head, glittering in the warm candle-lit glow that washed through the room. It caught the colours of the precious gems set into the delicate frame.

“It is beautiful.” You said. “It’s breathtaking but-”

“No buts,” she hummed.

You turned a little to look at her directly. “But what’s the point?”

Wheein pouted. “Does there have to be a point?”

“Doesn’t there?”

She sighed, “I like how they look on you. I like being around you. I just like you. That’s my point.” She gently turned your head back to look at the mirror. “Let me imagine life a little differently, just for a moment.”

You met her gaze in the mirror, voice smaller when you spoke. “What life are you imagining?”

“One where…” her voice trailed off as she lifted the tiara from your head. “I can live the life I’d like to. Where I don’t have to put up a fuss about getting married.” As she came back behind you her fingertips trailed along your arm. “Where I don’t have to run anyone off. Where my future doesn’t hinge on me ‘finding a suitor’ or annoying the king and queen to no end with my unwillingness until they let me be crowned under my own terms.”

Her hands slipped down to your waist and she gently urged you to your feet. “Where no one cares what to whom I do, so I can do as I like.” A smirk graced her lips as she took your hands, turning you so she could walk you backwards to the bed.

“A future where I can do this,” she murmured, pressing a kiss to your jaw. “And this,” her lips moved to kiss in the hollow under your ear, “And this.” Wheein pressed a longer kiss to your neck. You let your head fall back with a sigh, stepping back until your legs hit the edge of the bed, her lips trailing slowly along your neck and her hands slipping from your waist to the ties on your dress.

Most of the palace staff, at some point or another, did something they weren’t supposed to. Sneaking a pastry, or sleeping in the kitchens when no one was around and the room was warm, picking the flowers in the garden. But you had a feeling none of them were as bold as fooling around with the princess.

This wasn’t the first time. As the outer layers of your dress fell away Wheein’s hands traced a familiar path along your body, taking her time in undressing you. Her lips latched into a sensitive spot at the base of your neck and you let out small sighs at the feeling. The closer you had gotten the more tension grew between you until neither of you could stand it any longer.

The tension snapped.

A kiss.

And then another.

And then more until you found yourself in bed with feelings that were complicated at best.

Your fingers curled into the material of her dress, pulling her closer against you as she undid your stays and untied your skirt, letting them also fall from your body. Her lips trailed back up until they found yours and she smirked against your lips at the sense of desperation in your kisses. 

“You’re not going to make me do all the work,” she murmured playfully.

You answered her with a small whine, hands searching for the ties on her dress, to pull her out of it. Wheein let each piece of her dress fall away from her body, her hands now grabbing at her hips, only thin fabric between her fingers and your skin. Her tongue slid along your bottom lip and you let it into your mouth easily, sighing and letting out small moans into your mouth as she kissed you and her hands came around to your ass.

As her skirts fell away she pushed you back down onto the bed, stepping out of them before moving over top of you, a thigh coming between your legs.

“You always look so pretty like this,” she murmured, the candlelight illuminating the flickering intensity in her gaze. “All laid out just for me.” She rolled her hips down, grinding against you slowly as her fingertips trailed up your thigh, pulling the hem of your under dress up along with them. Her lips grazed your ear and her voice dropped to a whisper. 

“No coronation could ever give me a gift as beautiful as you.”

You couldn’t stop the small moan that trailed off your lips, nor the way your hips ground against her thigh. Her hand came to your hips, guiding your movements slowly while the other pushed up the light fabric of your underdress to reveal your body. You listened to her small hum as she pulled the dress up high enough to see your chest before pulling it fully off of you.

“If I could choose my future,” she let her hands trail down your sides, lips kissing along your collarbone and down to your chest. “I would simply choose you.”

A moan left your lips as she sucked one of your nipples between her lips. Her tongue rolled over the sensitive bud. With one hand still on your hip the other trailed back up your side until it came to your chest. Her fingers squeezed at your breast before starting to play with your nipple, rolling and squeezing it slowly.

Heavy breaths fell off your lips and your eyes slowly fluttered shut. Arousal started to build steadily inside of you. It flickered slow like the candlelight, but with each second it grew a little hotter. Wheein hummed against your skin and you arched up into her touch, letting yourself go a little more every second.

Wheein’s lips pulled away from your chest with a small pop and you felt her lips kiss slowly into the valley between your breasts and towards the others.

“How could I want anything else,” she murmured. “When I get to have you like this?” Her lips latched onto the soft skin of your breast, sucking at your skin, You let out a sigh, fingers curling into the soft, plush, luxurious fabrics covering her bed.

“Every line and curve of your body is exquisite, how could jewels or crowns possibly compare?”

She sucked your other nipple between her lips, a little more harshly than the first. You ground your hips a little faster on her thigh, her own underdress pushed up and your arousal slicking her skin with each movement.

Wheein hummed, sending vibrations through your body and drawing a small moan from your lips, fingers tugging on her bedsheets. Her fingers rolled and tugged at your other nipple and slowly you felt the tightening starting in your core as your body built towards release, heat rising off your skin and mixing into the air.

Wheein pulled back her lips, waiting for you to look up at her. You let your eyes open and pouted at her, catching her smirk as she pressed your legs further apart and moved between them. She rid herself of her underdress and you let your eyes take in her form, her body somehow more and more stunning each time you saw it.

“You’re already so worked up, just for me,” she hummed, bringing her lips to your stomach and starting to trail kisses along your skin, lower and lower.

“I don’t think I could ever possibly get enough of you. The sounds that you make, all the ways your body moves.” She met your gaze. “The way you make me feel. Why would I ever want to let this go?”

Wheein’s lips started to kiss along your inner thighs, pressing your legs wider. Her fingers trailed over the spots she wasn’t kissing and she giggled as your hips squirmed, drawing a gasp from you when her fingers dragged through your folds, gathering your arousal. Her gaze moved between her fingers and your core.

“I really can’t decide which part of you is the prettiest,” she mused between pressing more kisses to your thighs, her gaze locked with yours. “At first I thought it was your eyes, so intelligent and sharp, but still warm for me. Then I thought maybe your lips, such a pretty shape and I knew when I saw them how good they would feel against my skin. I thought it might be your hands, how easily they move, how skilled they are,” she smirked.

Her words only filled you with more arousal. You were sure you were positively dripping as your fingers curled and uncurled in the sheets. You tried to keep your hips still, tried to keep her gaze as heat rose through your body and your breaths came out heavy.

“The line of your neck comes to mind, how you hold your head to high, how sensitive you are to kisses. Or maybe your breasts, so soft in my hands and they start to draw such sweet sounds from you. For a while,” she started to press kisses to the apex of your thighs, your hips squirming to get her lips where you needed them. “I thought of your voice. I have such a love for your voice. I could listen to you speak and laugh and sing all day.” Her lips pressed a kiss just above your clit, so close to where you wanted them. “And the way you moan. Exquisite.”

You bit down on your bottom lip and she paused, smirking, knowing how impatient her words made you. You felt her hands slip under you and a gasp left your lips as she suddenly grabbed your ass roughly.

“I’ve definitely thought about just how much I love your ass, just how much fun it is to grab onto. And your thighs,” she hands moved to your thighs, squeezing at them and letting her thumbs run over the sensitive skin. “I love how touching you makes you so needy.”

“Please,” the word left your lips before you could catch it.

“Please?” She grinned. “Can’t I take a moment to admire you?”

You gaze flickered to her lips and back to her eyes, your voice betraying how needy you had gotten. “I need you, I need more.”

“I know you do,” she murmured. “I don’t think I can pick one favourite part of you, but I know just how much I love your pussy.” She spread your legs even further. “You’re so wet you’re glistening. Every time I touch you just the way you want you let out the prettiest sounds. You move your hips, practically fucking yourself on my face when you feel my tongue. And your taste.”

A gasp left your lips as she dragged her tongue though your folds and over your clit.

“Other worldly. I don’t think I could live without it.”

A shuddering moan fell off your lips as Wheein trailed her tongue in even movements over your clit. She let out moans as she tasted you and your fingers found her hair as you let your head fall back against the pillows, hips slowly rolling against her face as her tongue fell into a rhythm of movements over your clit.

Your legs trembled and your hips moved rhythmically as her tongue worked like magic. She had learned your body so well. She knew just how to move her tongue as you gave yourself over more and more to the sensations.

You let your mind wrap around the feeling of her hair between your fingers. You took in the sensation of her moans against your core with each tug of her hair that got rougher and rougher as you got closer to your climax with each movement of her tongue. She ate you out with more and more vigor each moment, hands gripping your thighs and finger tips digging into your skin.

You felt the build in your core, already so turned on before her tongue even met your pussy. The coil inside curled tighter and tighter and your moans mixed with the lewd sounds of her tongue lapping over your clit. Your hips moved faster and faster against her tongue and your legs closed as much as she would allow as your moans grew louder and curses fell from your lips.

Wheein sucked your clit between her lips, pressing her face in between your legs. A cry fell from your lips as you came, legs trembling and crashing in around her head as your hips ground and rolled against her face. Pleasure crashed through your body in a wave, building from her first touch and finally releasing, leaving your body in a warm, happy, sensitive haze.

Wheein’s lips barely moved, slipping down only a little and you let out a moan as her tongue moved inside of you, lapping up your releases greedily. Her own moans were just a little higher and she let out whines and whimpers as you cursed and pulled at her hair as her tongue moved into your heat.

She curled and moved her tongue quickly, holding your hips against her face strongly. Moans and whimpers fell from her lips as she took every last drop of your release, her tongue moving quickly, feverishly. The candlelight shone in her eyes with each quick gaze she managed to give you her gaze grew sweeter and more doe-like, falling in line with each tug of her hair.

“That feels so good,” you let your voice come out breathy, biting on your lip subtly when she moaned against your core. “Don’t stop, princess.”

She moaned much louder at the name, it felt so different in this moment and her fingers gripped your thighs even more strongly as her tongue moved between your core and up over your clit. Her movements were growing more and more messy by the second but they felt so good to your already sensitive body.

Already the coil in your core was curling in on itself again. Every lap of her tongue over your clit sent a jolt of pleasure through your body and you ground your hips against her face in a quick rhythm. Your fingers curled into her hair even tighter, her whimpers growing louder and your own mood shifting.

“Just like that, princess,” you hummed. Your legs trembled, starting to squeeze in around her head. She let out a whine again, her face pressing desperately between your legs and her tongue moving in quick, sloppy, needy movements. You let your head fall back onto the plush bed and your eyes fell closed as curses fell off your lips.

Your back arched off the bed and your hips bucked up as she sucked your clit between her lips harshly. The coil inside you snapped and orgasm crashed through your body, drawing moans from your lips, sensation reaching to the tips of your toes and body shaking as the bliss washed over you.

Wheein let out small whimpers as she lapped at your core again, tasting your release until you sat up slightly. She looked up at you, eyes sweet and glossy and looking even more fucked out than you felt. The warm glow of the room lit her rosy face and the glistening of your release on her lips and chin.

You grabbed at her arms, tugging her closer roughly until your lips crashed against hers. One of your hands tangled into her hair, holding her close as you kissed her, her desperation clear in every kiss. Your other hand slid down her back until you could squeeze her ass roughly, drawing a moan from her lips, a smirk tugging at yours between kisses.

You pressed your thigh up between her legs, moaning against her lips at how wet she had gotten just from eating you out. Wheein was quick to start grinding against your thigh in quick movements, letting out pants and moans against your lips as she left her arousal on your thigh.

“You’re so wet, princess,” the breathiness of your voice only served to make her moan against your lips.

“Your taste,” she whined, words punctuated with kisses to your lips.. “Hearing you cum. Feeling you cum on my tongue. The way you smell better than anything.” She moaned loudly as you squeezed her ass roughly again and her hips bucked against your thigh.

Her words spun in your mind and you put all your energy into pushing her over, rolling quickly until she was on her back underneath you. You grabbed at her thighs and pushed them apart roughly. Your fingers dragged through her folds, gathering her slick on them until they met her clit, her hips jolting and a gasp pulled from her lips.

You started moving your fingers in quick, rough circles over the sensitive bundle of nerves and let yourself be nearly mesmerized by the sight of her.

Your gaze met your own fingers, moving quickly, and the way her hips followed your ministrations, rolling and grinding and bucking into your hand. Your gaze followed the curve of her hips, taking in the way her stomach braced and clenched as you worked her up more and more. They followed along her waist and up to the swell of her breasts as she took heavy breaths, they way they rose and fell just from the movements of your fingers.

Her moans, climbing higher in her voice, fell upon your ears and the sweet scent of her filled your nose as your gaze trailed along the line of her neck and up to her face. Far from her often pristine, royal image, this had to be the best view of her. 

Wheein’s hair was fanned out over the pillows, messy and beautiful. Her mouth hung open in a series of moans, lips still glistening and plump. Her eyes were squeezed shut as she focused on the pleasure and her face had a rosy, red-pink hue in the warm glow of the room, contrasting the deep, emerald tones of her bedspread.

“You’re breathtaking,” whether you meant the words to be heard by her or not you didn’t know, but her hips bucked up and her fingers curled in the soft fabric on her bed. Her head tilted back and you felt the desperate need to be closer, to feel every inch of her.

She didn’t have time to whine when you pulled your hand away from her core. Your legs tangled with hers and your lips found hers in a kiss as you shifted your hips until you could roll down against hers, feeling the rush of pleasure as you ground your clit against hers.

Wheein moaned into your mouth as you started to grind quickly. One of her hands found your back while the other grabbed at your ass. Small moans of “please” and “don’t stop” fell off her lips between kisses as you grabbed at any part of her body you could.

Your hips rolled and bucked quickly against hers, your moans mixing in the hot air of the room all around you. Her hips started to match your movements, both of you riding towards your highs quickly, the coil tightening again inside you and urging you to move even faster.

Her name fell off your lips and yours off of hers as nothing else mattered in that moment. Every other feeling or thought was wiped from your mind as pleasure built higher and higher inside you and your legs trembled as hers started to squeeze your thigh.

Wheein let out a cry of your name, back arching and her chest pressing up against you as she came hard. You felt the warm, gush of liquid from her core against you, listening to her moans and gazing at her fucked out expression only spurring you on.

You pushed up just a bit and rode her hard, drawing loud cries from her lips as she gripped your thigh for purchase. Your core slid easily against hers as you chased your high, so close to your edge again. Her broken moans we like music filling your ears and your eyes squeezed shut as you fell over into pleasure.

You released with a cry, collapsing on top of her as your arms gave out and feeling her arms immediately wrap around you, even in their shaky state. Stars burst behind your eyes, the pleasure swallowed you completely. You were left in a hazy state of bliss, body trembling and sensitive as your hips finally halted.

You stayed on her chest, both of you breathing heavy, neither wanting to move. You listened as the minutes passed, her heartbeat slowing bit by bit from racing as her breath followed suit. They grew deeper and so did yours as sleepiness set in and she pressed a tender kiss against your head, something that managed to make you just a bit flustered.

“Should we-”

“I’m so comfy,” she hummed. “I’m not letting you go.”

“Do you mean that?” Did she hear the weight behind your words?

“I mean everything I say,” she mumbled. 

A small smile tugged at your lips as ideas of words danced on your tongue, begging to come out.

“I wish it was all this simple,” her voice was quiet and as you processed her words her breathing grew slow until she was asleep. 

You wished the same thing, knowing the future she wanted could never truly happen.

You whispered. “I love you,” before sleep pulled you under.

[prncesselene]

Kathony Prompt: Just because Anthony mentions several times in the books about wanting to tie Kate to their bed 👀 What about the first time time that happens?

+ this prompt: “Anthony confesses to Kate about his dreams of her but he doesn’t know she had a fantasy of her own about him. Or maybe more than one”

(proceed at your own risk/caution/ETC.)

read on ao3

It had started as a joke.

At least — that’s what Kate thought it had started as.

The first time had been on their wedding night. In his determination to assuage her insecurities, he’d made a stark, throwaway comment about forcing her to understand the way he saw her. To his credit, it had worked.

Then, it was something to say whenever they bickered; a way for Anthony to exert his masculinity and puff out his chest while they debated the minutiae of something inconsequential. If she continued to misbehave, or argue, or quarrel, he’d simply tie her to the bed and show her her place.

She indulged him in this show of pride not because she agreed, necessarily, but because… well, because a large part of her wanted him to.

It didn’t make any sense, but each time he threatened her with images of her tied up on their bed, her body willing and pliant as he exercised his authority over her... she could not deny to herself the way it lit a fire that crackled in her spine, or the way it resulted in moisture that pooled between her legs.

Her patience had grown too thin to ignore one night when he'd made the comment again, after she'd spent too much time in the kitchens that day with staff whilst preparing for a ball.

"You make it far too difficult to find you throughout the day," he murmured once he'd caught her, his arms wrapped around her thin dressing gown. "It's enough to make me want to tie you to the bed, keep you here for days. Do you know what it—"

"Why don't you, then?"

Kate was not of the disposition to act coy; he'd teased her with these new, wanton fantasies enough, and it was about time he followed through with them. Already, she felt herself growing warm when his arms tightened against her, his voice low and thrilling and deliciously dangerous. "What?"

She smiled to herself before turning around, masking her amusement under a stern glare. "Your threats are empty ones, constantly. Do you plan to tie me to the bed or not? "

It was a delight to notice the tension with which he swallowed, as well as the hunger that lit up his eyes. "Kate," he warned. "You would do well to mind your words..."

She shrugged. "Why? It's not as if you've given me a reason to believe you'd ever actually do such a thing."

"Is that a challenge?"

"Do you accept it?"

Anthony eyed the bed, then looked back at her, his expression quickly growing earnest. "Are you— Do you really want to...?"

Something hot and exciting unfurled in Kate's belly, the anticipation growing stronger now that he was taking her seriously. "Yes."

He turned quickly, rummaging through their cabinets, presumably to find something that they would be able to use. In the meantime, she rid herself of her dressing gown and waited. 

Her fantasies had cleverly excluded these moments of quiet preparation, the mundane act of waiting while they prepared to enact this strange idea, but that almost made it even better — this wasn’t a fantasy. It was just her and Anthony.

She didn’t need anything else.

“Lie down,” he said, his voice thick with want. The words were spoken in a tone so authoritative that Kate had no choice but to comply.

Anthony liked to believe himself the rogue, but Kate knew well enough how honorable and kind he was at heart. And yet, it was thrilling to enjoy this version of him in such a new context, as opposed to stepping on his boots in the middle of a crowded ballroom.

The more things changed, the more they stayed the same, and all that.

Anthony gestured at her arms and she raised them up over her head, watching with thinly veiled lust while he tied them to one of the bed posts. He was breathing heavily, too, although he tried to hide it. Kate tested the strength of the cravat by tugging gently, smiling when it didn't budge. She was well and truly trapped, now.

He stepped back to appreciate his craftsmanship, his brows furrowing when he ran his eyes over the rest of her form.

"Is there something wrong, my lord?" Kate said, testing the use of his title. It was odd, to be sure, but part of what made this so thrilling was the sense of power he held over her. Using his title to address him while she was quite literally at his mercy made it feel more... real, in a sense. Dangerous, powerful. 

It certainly added to the pleasure she was experiencing.

His, too, if his slack-jawed expression was any indication. He cleared his throat, running his hands over her stomach, her thighs. The slow pulsing between her legs was only growing stronger the more he teased her, but something told Kate that if she protested he'd only punish her further, so she tried to stay silent.

She closed her eyes when he finally had the sense to kiss her, desperate to throw her arms around him. Instead, she was forced to sit back while he lathered his attentions on her jaw, her clavicle, her breasts. He continued his way downward until she was practically mewling above him, his movements both too much and far, far too little.

"Kate," he sighed against her, his breaths growing ragged. "My love... you truly have no idea, the amount of times I've thought of you... just like this. Even before..."

It was almost difficult to hear him, so much had he crowded her other senses, but there was at least some small part of her that remained capable of rational thought. "Before?"

"When you loathed me," he admitted, reaching up to kiss her again. "And I you, to be fair. I could not stand the sight of you, and yet... the thought of you kept me up at night. Far more than my pride would allow me to admit."

Kate bit her lip, unsure of how to proceed. Yes, upon meeting Anthony, he'd driven her mad, but she would be a liar if she pretended he hadn't had the very same effect on her. 

If he knew what she thought...

"Do you think I did not dream of you too?" she asked, her breath heavy. 

“You did?” 

Kate nodded. "So much so that I thought I was going mad."

Anthony nearly froze. His gaze when he met her eyes was predatory. "What kind of dreams?"

"I..." Kate tried her best to form a coherent sentence. He was running an absent hand over her thighs while he watched her try. "I thought of us... you... what we do now."

"You thought of it then?"

She nodded slowly, her heart beating furiously in her chest. "Many times."

He swallowed. His pupils were blown wide with desire, so much so that they looked entirely black. "And what exactly did we do, in these illicit dreams of yours?"

"We..." Kate sighed, catching her breath. They were doing almost nothing at this point, and yet the flames inside of her felt as though they would rip her apart, incinerating her from within. The hand that had been running absently across her thighs noticed the way she squirmed and resumed its teasing, albeit even slower.

"Tell me," he said. "Or I'll stop right here. Tell me what you saw."

"You were kissing me," she sighed, ready to yank the cravat off of the bedpost and force him on her. But she didn't. "You— you ripped my dress off in the library and... kissed me. Everywhere."

"Including here?" he gently nudged her legs open when she nodded. He licked his lips as soon as he did so, a movement that was not lost on Kate. For a second she thought he was going to do the very thing she'd just told him, but he stopped just before his mouth could reach.

She could kill him. She should.

"What did you do, when these dreams woke you? Fall back asleep?"

Kate swallowed, her cheeks growing impossibly hotter.

No, she had not been able to fall back asleep when those dreams had afflicted her. Not until she had... rectified the issue.

She had been so unknowledgeable then, and yet it was as though her body had known.

"No," she said, desperate to regain mobility in her arms. "I had to... well, you know..."

He chuckled. "I don't think I do. Use your words, my love."

She was growing wetter by the second. She could feel it, and she knew that he knew it, too. He could probably see it. "Anthony, please..."

"Did you do this?" he said, his fingers finding the sensitive space between her thighs. Kate almost hissed when she finally felt the contact, the pleasure made only more intense by the torturous wait. He made slow, decadent circles around her, the pent up energy bringing her close to her release incredibly quickly, the pressure building exponentially in her spine before he—

Stopped. His fingers stopped moving. 

Kate nearly growled, her chest heaving. “Anthony. Wh— why did you…”

She was absolutely going to kill him. 

“Is that what you did? All alone in your bedchamber, thinking of me?”

“Yes,” she forced herself to say.

He smiled. “Good.”

The word sent shivers up her spine, the tiny bit of praise nearly enough to send her over the edge. She could have cried with relief when Anthony added to it by pressing his mouth the heat between her legs, ending her torture. 

He had a habit of kissing her there often, quite passionately, and Kate never managed to grow tired of it — not the way he did it, as though it were a gift she were bestowing on him.

Maybe she wouldn’t need to murder her husband, after all.

Without the ability to move her arms, Kate was lost to the feeling of Anthony’s lips and tongue, unable to focus on anything other than the desire that coiled deep within her and threatened to burst. She wasn’t sure how long she sat there, bared for him — it might have been minutes, and it might have been days.

All Kate knew was that the moment she fell apart against him it was as though stars had erupted in her vision, turning everything white and fuzzy. She was so overcome by her euphoria that she hadn’t even noticed when Anthony untied the restraints and pulled her close to him on the bed.

“Anthony,” she said, as soon as she regained her lucidity. “That was…”

“I know,” he chuckled, kissing the nape of her neck. “You did very well.”

Again, with the praise. Why did it have such an effect on her? It was nearly enough to rouse her body once more, much sooner than usual.

“And you… you don’t need—?”

“As long as you’re satisfied, I am, too,” he murmured. “For now.”

Kate chuckled and sighed happily. She was certainly satisfied.

The truth was, it had felt good to submit to him. To know that it wasn’t a responsibility he took lightly. To know that she could trust him with her body, and that in turn he trusted her with his.

That was what love was, wasn’t it? Giving yourself to someone, wholly and without restrictions. That's what she had done tonight — and it wasn’t illicit, or wrong. 

It was freeing.

“Anthony?”

“Hm?”

“Promise me something.”

He kissed her again, just above her shoulder. “Anything.”

“Next time, it’s my turn to tie you to the bed, and have my wicked way with you. I believe I have a very pretty lace ribbon I can use…”

[ivy-min]

a snapshot into ivy’s life

a/n: so this is a little outside the realm of what I typically do for practice challenges, but I needed something creative to motivate me into doing some writing stuff. please enjoy the very extra edits and bits in between. the pictures in each edit are some that I imagined either her taking, someone in her family, or just something that fit her life altogether. I have elaborate backgrounds for each image in my head but ofc I will not burden you all with that. an easy 1.9k

also, there are definitely some Korean words I wanted to use and researched but was afraid of doing the culture a disservice. however, it is very prominent in her life! and if I had a more reliable source than the internet I would include more terms but I do not, unfortunately. doing my best to learn. ANYWHO here is ivy!!

「 the min sisters at large 」

Looking back, Ivy isn’t sure she could say her childhood was idyllic. There was love and family and creating new worlds with Kennedy, but there were heartaches too. Watching struggle of her father as he built Min Industries from the ground up in Illéa. Witnessing her mother battle against the harshness of her grandparents (though in particular her grandfather). Pleading with each one of them to stay just a little bit longer at bedtime instead of going back to work.

She understood why they left. But it got harder to watch them go each time.

She was well taken care of, given the best of education and opportunities. Swim lessons at two years old, horseback riding lessons at seven. While Ivy stood steadfast at her parent’s side, Kennedy was always the one to pull away. Ivy wanted to make her family proud. Her little sister cared more for finding life away from pesky lessons and the family’s reputation. She believed there was more to discover beyond the walls their parents had created. “Don’t be such a suck up! You really think all this is going to matter in the end?” Kennedy had asked her once. Ivy didn’t have an answer. Not when she yearned to be a part of both sides of the Min coin. Parents or Kennedy. Parents or Kennedy. She wondered if there would be a day when she would have to choose.

Nevertheless, Ivy loved Kennedy and Kennedy loved Ivy. Different in motives but similar at heart, they never strayed too far from one another. If there was one defining feature of Ivy’s childhood, it was her spirited little sister. 

↳ exposition

「 the shoes of parents & grandparents to fill 」

Seo-jun Min and Ha-eun Yoo had nothing to offer one another when they first met. Ha-eun was a quiet, demure oncology nurse working at a small hospital in Seoul. Seo-jun had just graduated from university loaded with student debt and a degree in business he had no clue what to do with. When they found each other, suddenly they had everything to offer. Life moved quickly then. After only seven months of quaint dates between Ha-eun’s long shifts and Seo-jun’s failed business ventures, they eloped. A year later, they had a son. Jae-sung. Another two years passed and they were blessed with a daughter whom they named after the lilies that bloomed outside their home. Nari.

At three years old, Leukemia was all that was left of their daughter. She passed in her sleep, cradled in her father’s arms.

In their path to healing, Seo-jun and Ha-eun packed up their son and moved to Illéa where opportunity and a fresh start called to them. Together, they knew what they could devote their lives to: a medical research company dedicated to provide medical care to all in need and to find a cure for pediatric diseases. By the time Jae-sung was 18 years old, he knew that his legacy was to carry on his parent’s dream of avenging Nari’s short life. He honored that legacy.

Then he met Kathleen.

Kathleen Adair was the most intelligent, strong-willed woman he had ever met. He trailed after her their freshman year at Brown until she finally relented and allowed him only one meal. Just one. “Then it’s going to be the best meal of your entire life,” he declared rather confidently. He didn’t know she had watched him as often as he watched her. The meal was terrible, but she wasn’t going to tell him that. “Alright, Jae.” The nickname only she had ever managed to pull off. “I’m yours.”

His parents vehemently protested. “She’s not suitable. She doesn’t understand what it takes to be a part of this family.” He knew what they really meant. She’s not Korean. He thought small mindedness had been left behind after the last war, but he understood them too. Still. Nothing was going to stop them from marrying as soon as they graduated.

At 25, Jae-sung was pronounced CEO of Min Industries. At 25, Kathleen was announced as the youngest graduate professor of biomedical sciences in the history of the University of Allens. They liked to compete with one another.

Their daughters became their lives. They also became the lives of their grandparents. Though it was never said aloud, Ha-eun and Seo-jun could see Nari in the softness of Ivy’s smile and in the light of Kennedy’s eyes. Respecting their family’s traditions and honoring the legacy of the work put into the family’s company was often emphasized. Legacy. Kennedy was smothered by it. Ivy was enriched by it.

↳ conflict & rising action

「 an energy unmatched 」

Death was always unexpected, always tragic. One person could have the breath stolen from their lungs, yet it was the people left behind that sank under the weight of their grief. That ached for years and years to come.

If Ivy could describe the year she turned 19, it would be with one word: grey. The grey of the clouds that taunted the guests of Kennedy’s funeral with rain that never came. The grey pallor of her mother’s expression just before she fainted after barely eating for a week. The disappearance of Ivy’s best friend had shaken her spirit in a way she never thought was possible. Were daughters destined for such an untimely end in her family? It felt like it. Nari and Kennedy. The grey of their portraits displayed on the mantle above the fireplace.

Ivy would sit in front of that picture for too long, furious at how her parents had chosen to memorialize the life of their second daughter. Kennedy was light. Yellow and orange and pink, fiery and beautiful. How could she have been reduced to nothing but a dull, humiliating grey? How could she be... nothing?

In a fit of emotion blurred by tears, Ivy snatched the picture and threw it to the floor. Pieces of glass flew everywhere and the portrait lay folded under what remained of the black frame. Seconds later, Ivy was on her knees trying to gather the broken fragments. Smoothing away any wrinkles on her sister’s face and ignoring the blood that seeped from where the glass had begun to cut her legs.

When she was found crying, bleeding, clutching the picture to her chest, Ivy was rushed to the hospital to have 12 stitches placed on her knees and shins. Her grandparents blamed her parents, her parents blamed her grandparents. “Why weren’t you with her?” “Why do we need to be together every second of the day?” “Because daughters need their mothers!” Amidst the arguing and cries of her family in her small hospital room, Ivy stayed quiet. She knew what they were really blaming each other for anyway.

Ivy never again lost herself the way she did that miserable afternoon. She didn’t want to be another reason that made her family yell the way they did. Instead, she found different pictures of Kennedy to keep with her and around her home.

Pictures that helped everyone remember Kennedy’s unmatched energy in vivid, beautiful color.

↳ climax

「 vassar & beyond 」

In August, the eldest Min sister was gone to school. In November, the youngest Min sister was gone forever. Not an ideal start to an undergraduate career. Instead of letting Kennedy’s death hinder her education, Ivy buried herself in her courses. A distraction from horribly sleepless nights and not a friend in sight. At the start of sophomore year, Ivy’s roommate Alba took one look at her and declared her hers. With a new friend in tow, Ivy found people exactly when she needed them. They brought a part of her back to life.

Alba. Leo. Wren. Dimitri.

Though Ivy was strongly encouraged by her parents to choose the major of Science, Technology, and Society, she found that she enjoyed her studies. Learning about the effects of global pandemics, health inequalities, or bioethics opened up her world to ideas she’d never considered. (So did her film minor, but even then she was too afraid to consider growing that passion into something more concrete.) Alba had been skeptical of Ivy’s predicament. “Your parents can’t force you to work for them. You’re an adult.” Perhaps not, but losing another daughter was inconceivable. Not when Kennedy almost broke her family apart.

Approximately one week after celebrating her graduation, Ivy began her prompt employment as a junior associate within her father’s team of business heads. The whispers of nepotism behind her back never bothered her, comforted by the knowledge that her takeover of the corporation wouldn’t take place for years to come.

By July, those hopes were squashed by Jae-sung’s proclamation that within the month, she would be announced as the next head of Min Industries. Interviews were organized, contracts were drafted, all faster than Ivy could come to terms with. Set to take the mantle by the time she was 24. 

One year. One year until she was thrust into a world she felt she had no business being a part of. She was deeply frightened of the beyond and frantically searched for any way out.

July 27. The announcement of King Raphael’s Selection.

↳ falling action

「 a wayward path forward 」

Running away from family was new for Ivy. That had always been Kennedy’s expertise. Ran straight to her grave. Filling out the Selected application was even worse, from laughing with her parents at the absurdity and throwing the envelope away to digging in the trash bin at 2 in the morning. Submitting it during a feigned trip to the library. Even afterwards, she had convinced herself that the likelihood of being chosen was practically inconceivable. Vizzini would’ve been proud.

The leak was the tipping point. The office had been abuzz with the news of King Raphael’s extremely public error, but Ivy was none the wiser until Alba’s incessant video calls forced her into lunch. It took two sentences for Ivy to slam ‘end’ and dive straight into Tweeter. “Did you see? King Doof-ael leaked the Selected names.” If Ivy had stayed on the call, she would’ve discovered that her name was safely tucked away on a slip of paper until that evening’s Report. Instead, she panicked. Her father noticed. The truth was revealed. All before her name was even officially announced.

Screaming in the Min and Adair household hadn’t been heard since Kennedy’s accident. Neither parents or grandparents thought Ivy would be the one to bring it back, drowning out the poor voice of Justin Timberpond once her name had been aired for verbal confirmation. “Why have you chained yourself to such an archaic tradition?!” “You’re bright! Capable of greater things instead of a meaningless throne!” “That man has already proved himself incapable of leading a country if he needs to find a wife this way!” For once, they were a united front. Against her. And for once, she didn’t care that they yelled.

Each day leading up to her sendoff had been a battle. Long talks with her mother that always ended with, “I’m making a different choice. Different does not mean wrong.” Jae-sung pleaded for her to let someone else go, her grandfather all but ignored her. Even Ha-eun came to Ivy with her renowned mandu dumplings and naengmyeon as a scapegoat to discover the real reason as to why her granddaughter had up and unsettled every plan set in motion.

Ivy kept her truth to herself, as she almost always did. She didn’t know what her life would look like a year from now and it thrilled her, despite the pain buried deep in her chest. All that mattered was that she had taken every possibility and turned it into a wayward path forward. Forward.

↳ resolution rising action

[ofieugogyshz]

Fic;; Memories: Riolu IV

Word Count: 8900 officially over 9000 now

Summary: Sarah accepts Cynthia’s invitation to visit her in Celestic Town. On her second day there, she finds herself visiting Cynthia in her grandmother’s home, and, once again, facing an internal struggle that her Riolu, Lance, and Cynthia, were set on helping her with.

Warnings: Lots of bad mental health, self-depreciation spirals, abusive thoughts to self. Also some awkwardness. (But it gets better!)

Notes: This is the thing that’s just been. taunting and harassing me for weeks, and i am so done with it. i am so sorry that it’s like, 2x as long as the others. I really hope it’s worth it to you guys, because I am just so done with it. Edit: Fixed up some spots, and re-pasting it added paragraph indents, so ????

(Series Masterpost)

---------------------

After helping me with my Riolu, Cynthia invited me to visit her in Celestic Town.

“I'll be there for a while, researching more myths.”

I told her yes, but when she offered to take me with her, I declined. I said that I wanted to walk the rest of the route to fulfill my Pokedex.

“Oh, you're working on a Pokedex? That sure takes me back...” She had a wistful look on her face. “I went on a big adventure with a Pokedex when I was younger.” I told her to share with me some of those stories when I met up with her in Celestic Town. She gave me her number, and we parted ways for the time being.

I spent the rest of that day and the next playing with my Riolu named Lance to make up for the issues we had ran into. Totally not connected to the Lance of fame. Yep. Definitely not. But it wasn't like I had that much of a choice. My friend, his father's trainer, had named him that for me as a cute little joke. I suppose I could have picked a name and told my friend to name it that. But I wanted to know what a Pokemon was like before I named it; and without the Pokemon in front of me, it was so hard to find an appropriate name. But watching Riolu-- little Lance fight our way up Route 210, I couldn't help but think that maybe my friend Blaze had the right idea in naming him after him. He was definitely strong and determined like his namesake, and showed plenty of care towards other Pokemon.

<<Can we call my namesake today? I wanna tell him how strong I got!!>>

I laughed. Now that I had accepted it, it was cute whenever he asked to talk to Lance. Lance—the human-- thankfully couldn't understand what the little Riolu was saying, but watching him entertain the notion was cute. Endearing. Enjoyable.

I looked at the time. Lance might be available now...? I had tried calling him earlier, but it went straight to voicemail. Probably working, I thought to myself.

“Let's try again after we get to the Pokemon Center in Celestic, so you guys can see each other with the videophones.”

And so we went through the rest of the route. It was a rather annoying route; there were many obstacles in our way, not including the fog that limited visibility. It took a few days to traverse the rest of the route by foot. I was able to train up my Pokemon a lot more than I expected. But even with the great training it provided, I was so relieved when I finally saw the rustic buildings nestled away in the mountain range. Even if it hadn't been Celestic, I would have been grateful just to stay a few nights away from the mess that was the foggy mountainside.

It was daytime when we arrived. I immediately looked for the Pokemon Center and checked in. When my Pokemon were returned, I let Lance out of his Pokeball.

“You know what, I think I'mma call you 'Little Lance', if that's alright with you? It's a little confusing talking to my friends about the both of you...” That was only partially a lie. I thought it might help distinguish them, yes, but I also still felt a little embarrassed calling him by that name... I was hoping a working towards a middle-ground might help.

Lance considered it for a moment, then shook his head.

<<Nope.>>

“Aw, but c'mon! It's super cute, calling you 'Little Lance'. Ooh! I could even call you 'Lil Lance'”

But he wouldn't budge.

“Ugh, fine then.”

<<Can we try calling Lance now?>> he asked, pointing to the videophones. I thought about it for a moment.

“I suppose so... It's almost time for our weekly call anyways.”

<<Yes!>> Lance curled up his fist and pulled it back in excitement. It was so cute to see him emulating a human gesture; he must've picked that up from me in the last week.

I picked up one of the receivers and dialed Lance's number. My heart was pounding, as it always did whenever I called him. Often I worried that I was being a bother. Things like, “Maybe I should call back later,” would plague my mind. But for some reason, I felt less nervous about it now. Maybe because Lance the Riolu was there, just as happy as I was to talk to him, that it made me feel less scared.

No answer still.

“Hmm... Weird.” The landline recording asked if I wanted to leave a message; I hung up. It wasn't that important to me to miss once. I had to let it not be important.

<<What's wrong?>>

“He isn't answering. Hope everything's alright. He's probably busy with other stuff right now.” I wonder if they officially made him Champion yet, or if they're still filling out the paperwork on that, I thought. He had mentioned that a few weeks ago; though that had little to do with him not answering. My thoughts were wandering far away on the topic, musing on what that conversation would be like when he told me that it was officialized. Lance tugged at my pants.

<<Can we visit Miss Cynthia then?>>

“Yeah, let me just see if she's available.” I pulled out the number she gave me, slowly typing it in. It rang once before being answered. There was no visual, so I found myself staring at a screen that just said “No Visual”, accompanied by the image of a Chatot.

“Hang—Hang on a moment.” Cynthia's voice sounded far away and strained, like she was just out of reach of her phone. The distant sound made me curious on how she had answered it, but I didn't have time to think about that, because she suddenly came in much louder and clearer.

“Hello?”

“Hi, is this Cynthia? It's Sarah.”

“It is! I'm glad to hear from you! Are you nearby? I can go out and meet you if you want.” She sounded eager, excited. Had she been looking forward to this? I didn't think so. I was just a trainer she had met twice; and younger than her, I would later discover. Maybe the sound of her happy voice was because she just had a breakthrough with her research, and she couldn't wait to tell someone. I highly doubted she was excited to hear from me, after all. Not after the impression I gave last time.

Lance looked at me, his ears drooping a little as he examined me. Ah. Right. I shouldn't be thinking a thought like that. I guess that was something both Lances wanted me to work on.

“I'm already at the Pokemon center,” I told her. I scritched behind Lance's ears, making him feel better. It helped me, too. “I just got in.”

“Oh! That's perfect! I'll come get you.”

We hung up. She arrived in about fifteen minutes, brushing dust and dirt off of her coat as she arrived. Based on what I had seen of her in pictures and in person, I never would have imagined that she could look so disheveled.

“Where were you?” I asked. Lance and Pika both ran over to greet her.

“Oh, excavation. Have you learned about the Celestic Ruins yet? It's why I love coming back here so much! I can show you later, if you'd like.”

“N-no, that's fine for right now...”

We hadn't made any plans for the visit, so Cynthia gave me a short tour of the small town. In its center was a crater, and in the center of that crater was a small shrine. She told me that it dates back to ancient times; many of the town's residents still prayed to the deities and Pokemon they believed were tied to it. Behind the shrine was a cave; on each side of the cave's entrance were two large drawings, of what I presumed were ancient or mythological Pokemon. Beyond that, there was little of interest to passing trainers. The town was so small that it lacked a proper Pokemart. Instead, an old couple sold things from their home for any passing trainers that needed to restock between Mt. Coronet and their next destination. I wasn't sure if it was surprising or just interesting that the Champion considered this town her favorite.

For lunch, she took me to one of the few places to eat in the small town. While there wasn't much to catch Cynthia up on, I found myself excitedly telling her how Lance and I got along better since we last saw each other. She listened intently, speaking thoughtfully and giving me advice. I found myself asking her for a casual battle-- not one with her title on the line, but as between new friends.

“Very well then,” she said. “I should let you know-- I plan on going all out!”

“Couldn't ask for a better match myself!”

I sent out a Luxio and a Roselia, both Pokemon that I had caught here in Sinnoh. They were doing great at Gym Battles, and I figured the experience with a Champion might help them grow even stronger. Cynthia quirked an eyebrow, interested in the unspoken challenge of a doubles battle. She sent out a Garchomp and a Gastrodon. The double Earthquake duo had a huge advantage over Luxio; Roselia could handle Gastrodon, but that still left her Garchomp. As we battled, I did my best to keep my two Pokemon from fainting, but there was only so much they could do at their current strength. We both called back our Pokemon when the battle was over.

“That was a great match! The confidence in which you issued your commands allowed your Pokemon to trust you, and they responded well! I can't wait to have another battle with you when they've gotten stronger.”

“Tch...” Though she gave me high praise, the defeat still stung. “We should have another match with my aces.”

“Hmm. Perhaps another day... Don't forget that the key to growing as a trainer is to challenge yourself! Playing it safe is going to deprive yourself of new possibilities.”

She was right on both counts. One battle was enough for now. I had gotten a glimpse of what waited for me when I would challenge the Sinnoh Elite Four and its Champion, and I felt myself eager to train with my Pokemon for when that day would come. Beside me, Lance had looked on in awe, little tail wagging during the battle.

<<I want to battle too!>> he said to me. I knelt down to pat his head.

<<Maybe next time.>>

The next day, I headed over to where Cynthia was staying. We realized that we had a shared interest in mythology, so she invited me over to look at some of the texts that her and her grandmother kept. Pika followed behind me with Lance. I could hear the both of them talking happily amongst themselves, and I smiled. It was nice to hear him feeling like a member of the team again.

When I got to the address Cynthia gave me, an older woman answered the door. She adjusted her glasses, looking me up and down.

“Um, hi. I'm here because Cynthia invited me. This... is the right address, yes?” I looked at the address she had hastily scrawled down for me, and showed it to the woman. She didn't bother looking at it.

“That's correct. My granddaughter told me that she would be having a friend come over. Didn't think it'd be someone so young.” I winced. She motioned for me to come in, closing the door behind her. I took a look around. Stacks and stacks of paper were all over the living room, or what I thought was supposed to be one. Cynthia's grandmother followed my line of sight and sighed. “Pardon the mess. When we both really get into our research, it shows.”

“Ahaha, it's okay. Kind of reminds me of my room,” I said without thinking. Woops. Probably shouldn't've mentioned that. That wasn't a good impression, but hopefully it wouldn't mean something bad to them, if it came back up.

“In here.” Cynthia's grandmother had led me down the hall and stopped in front of one of the doors. “Cynthia's already in the library. She said she wanted to pull out some texts for you to read before you got here. Knowing her, she's probably already got a huge stack prepared for you. I'll be going out for a walk, so if you need anything, let Cynthia know.”

I was alone in the hall with my Pokemon. Lance and Pika stood on either side of me, looking up at me. I was a little nervous, and her grandmother's comment on my age left me feeling a little unsettled. Was she expecting someone older? How much older? I just realized that I don't even know how old Cynthia is! Is it really okay to call ourselves friends if she's much older than me? But I found the nerves paling in comparison to my excitement. I was excited to have someone else to call a friend; excited that the local Champion had called me a friend to her grandmother. But more importantly, I was excited to see the library that she had. All the books, all the texts, the myths and years of research that people had put into studying these things-- even if I was only interested in reading only the myths, being surrounded by so many books would be so exciting! Old books had that especially exciting aesthetic appeal to them, just thinking about it...

<<Are you okay?>> asked Lance. He tugged at my clothes, pulling me out of my reverie.

“Ah, yes. Thank you. Sorry, I got a little excited...”

<<You must really like books.>>

The comment made me smile. I took a deep breath and knocked loudly on the door.

“Come in!” I could hear Cynthia's faint response through the door. I turned the doorknob and pushed.

The sight of so many books greeted me. They were on the walls, stacked against shelving on the walls. Some stacks were so high that some of the desks and chairs were buried and hidden from view. Everywhere I turned was littered with books, folders, and handwritten notes.

“Sarah! I'm so glad to see you!” I could see Cynthia in the center of the room, holding a cup of tea. I could barely make out the sight of some fancy-looking seats centered around a coffee table in the middle of the room. I smiled, and closed the door behind me.

“Thanks for inviting me!” I said. I started walking towards her, my Pokemon carefully hopping from low bookstack to bookstack like the floor was lava. I began to talk excitedly, sentences running into each other as I couldn't wait to share what I had to say. “I'm so glad you asked me to come over, this is so amazing, and---L-Lance!!! W-w-what're y-you doing h-here?”

I stopped dead in my tracks, face flushing, unaware that there was going to be company. Much less company that I liked.

<<I'm sorry, was I not supposed to jump on the books?>> asked my Riolu. The sudden change in my reaction, the strange query mentioning his name, had left him confused. It took him a moment to realize what was going on with me. He looked to where I was stuck staring, as though I were stricken with a Glare attack and could not look away. I heard a happy yip from him, and he ran towards the red-headed trainer that was seated on the couch.

<<It's him!!! It's him!! My namesake!! We get to meet my namesake!!!>

“You must be the little Riolu that I've been talking to over the phone!” I heard Lance say. He caught the little Riolu, ruffling the top of his head. My Riolu looked up at him, starry-eyed, before turning back to me. I was still stricken to the spot. Cynthia came over to me, gently pushing me behind the back to lead me to a chair that was seated on the side, between both of theirs.

“Come on in! Don't be afraid to sit down with us!”

“I-I'm not!” I said quickly, the words out of my mouth before I realized what they were. I shut my mouth right then, glancing at Lance, before looking back at Cynthia. She gave no indication that this was intentional, but I had the underlying sense that it was... I was suddenly hyperaware of how I presented myself. I quickly placed my hands in my lap. I kept my legs together, though one foot would begin bouncing in place before I knew it.

Pika had heard the excited commotion and came over to me, peeking her head over a pile of books to look. When she saw who it was, she ran over and happily nuzzled Lance on the cheek.

I felt simultaneous embarrassment and envy of her at that moment. I could have cried. I wanted to cry.

Sensing the conflicting emotions, Lance-- the Riolu-- came over to me and climbed into my lap. He was emanating so much happiness from meeting Lance –the human-- that it started to put me at ease. I wrapped my arms around my Riolu, gently resting my chin on his head, wishing I could have fiddled with something instead.

I watched as Lance picked up my Pikachu and set her down on the couch, gently scritching her under the chin.

“And hello to you too, Pika! It's been awhile since we've seen each other, hasn't it friend?”

“Chu! Pika pikachu!!”

<<My namesake! My namesake!!!>>

This was going to give me a headache, if I didn't die from embarrassment first. I tried to suppress a groan, and looked to Cynthia once more, trying to get help from her. Any kind of help. But her attention was already towards Lance, ignoring my distress.

“I'm glad to see that you're such good friends with Sarah's Pokemon already.”

“I've met her Pikachu several times, both in and out of battle. The Riolu is new.” He turned towards me. “I hope he hasn't been giving you too much trouble?”

I sat up straight when he addressed me. “Hm?! Oh! Um, n-no, not recently,” I said, lying a little. But I could feel Riolu become a little angry with me for the lie. He didn't like me being dishonest, it seemed. “A-actually, Cynthia helped us with a, uh, misunderstanding about a week ago, so things are actually better than before!” I gave him a nervous smile.

“I see.”

“It was moving to see. Sarah really is passionate about her Pokemon.”

“Y-yeah, I am.” I turned towards Lance, asking him the same question that I asked earlier when I came in.

“W-what are you doing here, Lance? I thought you were busy, with, um. League stuff?”

“Cynthia invited me to come out. She said that she's found an ancient connection between Sinnoh and Johto, and asked if I was interested.”

“But aren't you supposed to be at the league right now?”

“Since we're still in the process of obtaining a new Elite Four member to replace me, the League's been closed. I normally have time off from the Pokemon G-Men when the League is open, so I haven't had as much to do for the time being.” He looked at me, a curious expression on his face. “Why, did you want me to be there?”

“W-what?! Uh, no, I guess? I think?” I didn't know if that was the right answer or not. This was making me so nervous, so on edge. I didn't know which way I should play into this. “I just thought that you wouldn't be able to come this far north, is all.” I looked away, cheeks flushing a little. “You never mentioned it in any of our e-mails or calls.”

“It was last minute,” Cynthia interrupted. I looked over at her; she had been watching the conversation. Her legs were crossed, one elbow propped up on a knee as she rested her chin on the back of her hand. She had an inscrutable smile on her face, but the body language told me all I needed to know. She definitely planned this. I felt my face grow hotter as I realized it, and all the implications that could mean. Riolu squeaked as my arms tightened around him.

Cynthia continued. “I had the breakthrough a few days ago, and I thought he'd be interested. I found some text that suggests that Sinnohans may have moved over to Johto, but the connecting thread mentions a cave that no one's been able to find in Johto. Not yet, anyways.”

“She thought that I might like to try and find it.”

“Ah.... I see...”

“Oh! Before I forget, these are some of the books I wanted to show you, Sarah.” Cynthia got up to grab a small handful of books. She placed a few of them on the table in front of me; I was so apprehensive of the situation now that I couldn't even glance at their titles. My Riolu looked at the books curiously. “You might enjoy familiarizing yourself with Sinnoh's myths and traditions. It's a region that's full of beauty and history!”

She handed Lance the other books she held. I watched as she spoke so passionately to him about the ruins that she had found mentioned in her texts. I found myself a little jealous. Cynthia was a beautiful, confident, and an amazing trainer. She had no problems talking to Lance and keeping him invested in a conversation. And I could barely talk to him without becoming extremely flustered, stuttering and stumbling over my words, uncertain of which ones to say at all. I wanted to say all of them, in all the ways and combinations, until I could find the best ones to say to him. But with that desire to talk to him came the same conflict of being noticed, of being watched, of being paid attention to. As much as I wanted it, I didn't want it; because if he saw me, then he was watching me. And if he was watching me, then that meant that I could be judged one way or the other over something I did. Something I said. The way I looked, the look I gave off. I didn't want him to think less of me because of that. Cynthia, on the other hand, didn't seem to care about the mess that her library was in. She knew who she was and confident that it was more than enough to be liked, to be respected. I yearned to have that kind of confidence, that fearlessness. But I had to be liked. I had to be well-liked. I couldn't stand letting someone think worse of me for an accident or lack of attention or knowledge.

So I sat there, quietly watching the two of them as they became more invested in their conversation, until I thought myself forgotten about. The things they spoke about were beyond my current knowledge, and I, for once, could not interrupt. The two of them got up to look at something else in the library, ancient maps I think. I sunk into my seat, letting out a long sigh. Riolu looked up at me from where he sat in my lap, confused and concerned.

<<What are you feeling right now? I know the confusion.>>

Jealousy, I thought back. I was jealous of her. Not to a bitter extent, but... She probably could have-- I couldn't finish the thought, the mere idea of it making me hurt. I wanted to cry. Riolu turned around to press his forehead against mine.

<<I don't understand your feelings, but I do know that you're in pain right now. I hope you can feel better.>>

“Thanks.”

I watched as Cynthia helped Lance find reference materials for the Sinjoh ruins that she talked about. He hadn't heard of it before, and Cynthia speculated it was somewhere far north of his hometown. Lance placed a hand on his chin as he thought, looking carefully at the maps she had on the wall and the documents she showed him. It looked natural, seeing them together. Perhaps if I was in a better place emotionally, I could have enjoyed watching him in a different element.

The two of them seemed to flow well together, I found myself thinking as I observed them. I didn't want to, but it came unbidden. They looked good together. People probably think... nicer things about the two of them together than if it were me with him. I was not pretty. Today, I didn't feel smart enough to even join in their conversation, though I obviously could have picked up the information. I couldn't deny that, and so, the argument inside my head began.

My thoughts struggled between telling me I was worthless as a trainer and proving all of it wrong. I was good at Pokemon battles, and I had defeated the Champions from Kanto and Hoenn, but I didn't choose to take that role of responsibility that came with being Champion. It wasn't something I could do. It required a lot of work, and I wouldn't have been free to continue on my own journey. On the other hand, it wasn't impressive to not take up the position. That was the only thing I was confident about. All those achievements didn't mean that I'd be interesting to someone. Someone that I struggled to initiate a conversation with, and sometimes procrastinated replying to text or email messages to, and thought for hours on a reply, just because I didn't want to worry about him thinking awful of me. But...

My eyes roved over to where the two of them talked. I felt something awful in the pit of my stomach. A pang of jealously.

I wish I could be like her.

Anyone but myself.

Ugh. I hated these thoughts. But once they started, they wouldn't stop coming.

If he got with me, it would be such a joke. The media would have a field day. And why would he even get with me? Because I have a one-sided crush? That's bullshit. Plus, she can talk to him about things, and hold a conversation, and, damn, even get him to travel to another region for just a myth that she thought he might be interested in? I can't even do that. I mean, I never asked him, but why would I? I know he won't show, even if he didn't have all those responsibilities. And I'm strong as a trainer, but I'm not as experienced as her. I can't even accept that my own selfish feelings might be hurting my Pokemon. I thought I knew a lot, but it's just as much hot air as Eusine. And then there's just... UGH. Expecting someone to get with me, looking like this? A Milktank, no a Snorlax-- wait what was that cat they have here? Purugly. I'm so ugly, so awful--

<<Sarah?>>

It was a sound like a cold drop of water. The burning, burdening chaotic swirl of thoughts stopped, for just a moment. Riolu's thought was like a cool, soothing balm. I opened my eyes. I hadn't even realized that I had them shut, tears welling up in the corner. He touched his forehead to mine. After a few moments, I felt a calming wave of energy sweep through my body, relaxing all the muscles that had tensed.

<<Better?>> he asked, thoughts full of concern.

Yeah, I thought back. I hugged him tight, closing my eyes again. That helped a bit. Thanks.

<<Good. Because you got Miss Cynthia's attention.>>

That made me jump. I opened my eyes again to see her standing nearby, a gentle smile on her face.

"Are you doing okay, Sarah?" she asked me quietly.

"Uhm.. Mm… y-yeah. I-I'm okay now."

"That's good. I'd hate for you to feel awful while we're all here." She gently ran her hand along the back of my head, and rested it on my shoulder. "Please, have some tea. Or, if you'd like, there are more beverages in the kitchen. I could get you something to drink.”

I looked at her, then looked over to where Lance was, still invested in the scrolls.

"Uh, um. No, I'm okay. I have water in my bag. Thank you."

It was strange. She had such a caring aura about her that I wanted to break down and cry to her. To let her know about everything that was upsetting me, including how I was both jealous of her, and that I admired her. That I hated my conflicting feelings. That I lacked the courage I would otherwise have, when it came to Lance. I wanted to ask her for advice, but I hated the idea of needing to seek it. Knowing that she showed so much care to me, a trainer she had only met a few times, was enough to make me want to break down.

But my Riolu, Lance, continued to emanate calm energy, keeping me from reacting in a way that I would have hated. He didn't understand it, but he understood enough to know that keeping me calm was what I needed most at the moment. Crying was one of the last things that I had wanted to do.

<<Thank you, Lance.>> I thought to my Riolu. I'd have to remember to give him a good treat later on.

"Do you want to step outside for a bit?" Cynthia asked me suddenly.

I blinked. I looked up at her, confused. Was she… Trying to get me to leave the room? But… did that maybe mean….

As though reading my thoughts, she quickly added, "I could give you a tour of the house. Though, I suppose we should avoid my room, it is a bit messy from all the paperwork…."

"I, uh…"

"Great!” She turned her head, calling out over her should, “Lance, we'll be back in a bit. If you're interested, there's some books I found on the Johto region, pre-dating the Tin and Brass Towers in that corner over there."

She got me to take off my bag and come with her. Riolu followed, though he didn't have much choice as my emotional support Pokemon at the moment. Pika stayed behind; she was enjoying the small snacks that Cynthia had left out. I couldn't help but roll my eyes at her.

Cynthia gently guided me towards the back of the house. And by gently, I meant that she gently pushed me towards the back, ignoring all confused protests with cheerful replies. She led me outside, to where there was a wide, empty dirt yard. She let out her Lucario, much to the joy of my own Riolu, who now squirmed in my arms so he could say hello to his newfound hero.

"Gahhh… I'm sorry about all this. I should have thought more carefully about it or let you know that he was coming over."

"Wait, so it was planned?" I said, turning around on her. I didn't know if I should have been more angry or shocked that she knew all along about my feelings towards that Lance, and still let this happened. “Or at least the him coming over part…?"

Cynthia leaned against the banister of the porch. She didn't say anything for a moment, as though she was trying to carefully word her thoughts. I waited, trying not to be angry, trying not to be embarrassed.

"I thought it might help," she finally said.

My emotions decided: I was angry, mad at her, though I couldn't put into words why. But…. I believed her. She really was trying to help me. I could feel it. And as I stared angrily at her, I felt my conviction weaken. Her Lucario stood nearby, palms out; he was using his aura powers to connect our spirits so we could better understand one another.

"...You're really scared about this," she said with a mixture of pity and understanding. “And you're right to feel angry; I should have asked or talked to you about this beforehand.” She slapped her forehead, muttering a simple idiot to herself.

"Y-yeah. Yeah, I really am. Both angry and scared. Because I already did this once, like an idiot, and erroneously assumed that that's what you do to like people. That you just... Decide to. And then you tell them that you want to date them and then you become boyfriend and girlfriend or whatever and it all goes uphill from there. But it didn't. And I'm lucky at all that he still let me get to know him after that. But I guess not enough, if I didn't know that he was coming here..."

Cynthia paused, giving a thoughtful hum. Then, she said in a hopeful tone, "Well, what if he wanted to surprise you? When was the last time you guys got to see each other in person?"

Her questions gave me pause to think. I never considered that, but I also didn't think I was important enough for something like that. Like he'd come all the way out here just to surprise me, when my Pokemon journey meant that I could be anywhere between a city and a route, even stuck somewhere. Sure, I normally tell him where I was heading or planning to go; but there wasn't a guarantee that I would have been here. Or anywhere. Planning a visit was one thing, but a surprise one....?

"C-c'mon now…" I looked away from her, eyes searching ground for things to say. Burnt orange dirt greeted me as an answer. A single rock, a couple of weeds, more dirt. Nothing useful that could be said. “There's no way that he'd... wanna... I mean, I'm not someone important. I'm just a stupid, annoying teen, annoying some guy that I kn--” I stopped, horrified. “Oh Arceus, I should be leaving him alone, shouldn't I?! I bet I seem like some crazy stalker fangirl and-- ugh. Damnit, Sarah, how could you be so stupid!? You're bugging him so much--"

I was cut off as an unlikely hand-chop came down on my head, causing me more surprise than pain. Doink.

"Owwwowowowowow." I clutched at my head, tears curling up in the corners of my eyes from the pain. I looked up at Cynthia, whose hand was still vertical and poised to chop me on the head again. “What'd'you do that for!?”

“What about all those calls?” Her voice was stern.

"Courtesy. He's just doing them out of courtesy, or to be nice, or because I seem crazy enough that if he doesn't he's worried I might--"

Doink.

Another hand-chop to the head.

I rubbed the top of my head, tears welling up in frustration now.

“You need to stop the negative thinking! He wouldn't take the time out of his busy schedule to do all that just because you annoyed him, Sarah. Trust me; I've had my fair share of crazy fans, and I wouldn't let any of them near me like I've let you. I'm not saying this to get your hopes up, but it's clear that he think you're someone worth keeping near. For people like us, where we're constantly being hounded by media and trainers looking for personal gain and not much else, that's a lot. We have our own lives; but it's hard to let people in them. And with the frequency of those calls that you guys have--”

“E-EH?! W-w-wait, y-you know... a-ab-about.... th-those!?” The way she had so casually said it this time had caught me off guard. I don't know why I hadn't froze up at the first mention of the calls mere minute ago.

“Lance told me.” At the sudden deep blush that set across my face, she clarified. “Your Riolu, I mean. ...I see now why the name might have been difficult for you.”

“Oh.” I still felt alarmed, but I relaxed a little. That meant he wasn't sharing stuff like that with other people. Not that I wanted him to. I didn't want to think about what it meant if he was sharing that to someone else, especially not with Cynthia.

“I apologize, for not telling you that he was coming over. You were so afraid and scared to say Lance's name,” she said, nodding towards my Riolu, “that I thought having you come over while he was here might have helped. I didn't let you know because I thought that you might run away... And I thought that you might appreciate the surprise of getting to see him again, in person.”

“I--” I stopped to think about it. She was right; I would have thought about running away. But I realized that, despite all the fluster and frustration and everything else that just happened, it was nice to see him again, in person. I hadn't gotten to see him in person very often the last few years; part of that happily avoiding the awkwardness awarded to me by my thirteen-year-old self, while also us having our own, vastly different paths in life at the time. But, even with the information that Cynthia had now shared with me, I thought that maybe I should keep my distance from him. To leave him alone, and not bug him like I usually did. To not repeat the mistakes of the past. To make sure that I didn't do that.

I really wished I could have been better about that.

“You do like getting to see him again, right?” Cynthia asked me, noticing that my thoughts had started to spiral again. I felt myself flush right up, stammering out a reply.

"I-I… I'mma… Y-you're n-n-not… wr-wrong about… about that…." I crossed my arms, looking away for a moment so I wouldn't have to face the consequences of admitting it.

Cynthia laughed. "Who knows. Maybe this might help you get closer to him, so you're not always stuttering!"

"I'M NOT STUTTERING!!!" I shouted at her, face red. “I just…. Fumble… and stumble… over my, uh, words………."

"Can you even refer to him by name?" she asked, sounding concerned for a moment.

"Err, um… that is to say…. Uh…." I hung my head. "N-no… n-not r-really."

"Why do you think that is?"

"Um…." I paused to think. Why do I have trouble using his name? ...ah. That's why. I looked down, and I picked at the sleeve of my shirt. I didn't want to say the words.

"Because I don't think I'm worthy of saying it."

There was a solemn moment between the two of us. Putting it into words made it feel so surreal. It made no sense to think that way, or feel that way. After all, I was a human. I was a damn Champion; I've beaten his ass at Pokemon battles more times than it was worth, when I was much younger. So then, why did that not mean something? Why was I venerating a name that anyone could have? Even my own Pokemon had suffered because of those feelings.

Then, as I was contemplating the absurdity of it, Cynthia started laughing, wiping tears from her eyes as she approached me.

"Wh-WHAT?!" I shouted, embarrassed and confused. "I REALLY DO THINK- er, feel… That way… I guess."

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry for laughing. But just… The way you said it--"

"Ugh! Why did I even come out here with you?! I should have just gone off and trained!" I turned away, crossing my arms angrily. She came up and gave me a consoling hug.

"You really shouldn't feel that way about yourself," she said quietly. "Regardless of whether or not you're in love. It's not good to hate yourself like that. You are worth so much, and I see so much potential in you, both as a trainer and as a person. Don't give up on your dreams, because someone told you to feel this way once."

I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to will myself not to cry.

“W-what if...” It was a struggle to get the words out. “Wh-what.. i-if.... it w-was... m-m-more... se...several... people?”

“Not even then. Their lies are not what's true about you.”

Her words and compassion had finally gotten me to cry. Feelings that I kept pushed down inside myself burst forth. I turned around and pressed my face against her, trying to hide it, but so painfully aware in some part of my brain that it would result in some snot on her coat. It was embarrassing. But she didn't show anything other than kindness as I broke down. She soothed me with comforting words and hushes, gently rubbing my back. When I had finally stopped, spent of the emotions that I had kept bottled up, she recalled her Lucario and guided me back inside. We stopped in the kitchen for a moment; Cynthia suggested that I get something to drink before returning to the library.

Riolu had followed behind us, watching everything with quiet awe. I could feel that he had a query for me, but he couldn't quite formulate it clearly. And even if he had, I wasn't sure that I could answer him.

“Lance,” Cynthia called out sweetly to my Riolu. “Do you understand what just happened here?”

He shook his head, mouth slightly open.

“Ri.”

“Sometimes, when things hurt for us, we try to hide it. But if we keep doing that, then it gets to be too much to hold back. Sometimes you have to let yourself cry. Or scream. Or whatever it is that your emotions are making you feel. Sarah seems to be especially fond of holding them back. I can't say she's particularly good at hiding them, though.”

“Thanks, Cynthia,” I said wryly, face heating up as I took another drink. It was embarrassing having her explain things to my Pokemon, because it also felt like she was trying to wink-wink-nudge-nudge me about how to solve my own emotional issues. I should have been more than capable of doing that myself, without the explanation from someone else. She continued.

“So if you feel like she's ever in need of letting out her feelings, you might need to pull her aside and get her to open up to you. It might not be as easy as it was today. Sometimes, in order to protect herself from her feelings, she might fight you on it. But you'll have to be patient and wait her out, letting her know that you're there for her.”

“Ri...”

Riolu jumped up to hug me, startling me for a moment.

<<I promise to help take care of you!>> His feeling was sincere. The energy behind it, the strength of his feelings, almost made me cry again. I shook my head, trying to focus elsewhere.

When I calmed down, we walked back to the room. I was staring at the door again, mentally preparing myself once more to enter. The calm that I had gained was slowly giving way once more to nervousness. I found myself worrying that it would show all over my face that I had an emotional meltdown. (Cynthia told me it didn't look like I had been crying, but I wasn't convinced.) I took a few deep breaths, trying to calm down while it felt like every fiber of my being was racing. My skin felt like ants were crawling all over it. I rubbed one of my arms and took a final deep breath.

Cynthia smiled at me.

“You ready?”

“Y-yeah. I'll be fine.” I picked up my Riolu, hugging him tightly. “I've got this Lance with me to help keep me calm.”

“Ri!” His tail wagged.

“We're back!” Cynthia called out when we entered. I could see Lance's tuft of red hair over by the table that we had been seated at earlier.

“Welcome back!” he replied. We walked over to him, and I could see Pika curled up beside his lap, taking a nap. I instantly felt envious of her. To just so casually....! Lance noticed that I was looking at her, and gave a small laugh.

“I came over to read some of the books, when I noticed that Pika had been left behind. I thought it was odd, but she didn't seem to be bothered by being separated from you. In fact, she curled right up next to me and fell asleep.”

I blushed. My Riolu looked up at me.

<<She felt confident that I could help,>> he said. <<I'm not sure why that is. Miss Cynthia was the one to help you the most! I think she just wanted to eat the cookies without sharing...>>

I frowned when he told me that. I put him down and picked up Pika, sitting down on the couch as I did so. I held her up, away from me, waiting for her to wake up.

Pika gave a sleepy little yawn. She squeaked when she saw me staring at her with an unamused expression. She squirmed, giggling as she tried to get out of my grip. I let go of her with a short sigh, and she fell into my lap. With a carefree attitude, she climbed back up the couch to sit on my shoulder, nuzzling me. She was definitely trying to be trouble.

“Honestly...”

“Is everything okay? It's not often that I don't see her without you.”

I jumped up for a second, forgetting that he was there. I tensed up, and feigned ignorance. “Hm? Oh, uh, Riolu said that she wanted to eat all the cookies and not share.” I gave him a nervous smile. “Some days, y'know?” I had no idea what I was trying to get at, honestly. But I hoped it was enough of an answer to avoid any future questions.

Now that I was no longer giving my Pokemon a condescending stare, knowing what her real motive was, I realized that I had sat next to him. On the same couch. I felt my face heat up and I slowly started to scoot away. Ah, but that's too obvious. Ah, quick! I patted the space next to me, motioning for Riolu to come sit there. He tilted his head at me, but obliged, climbing onto the couch. I scooted over more so he could sit between us; Lance raised an eyebrow at me.

“Ah, I forgot to mention it earlier, but Riolu's really excited to meet you!” I gave him a nervous laugh, and fumbled around for a further explanation. “Though I guess that much was obvious earlier... Ahaha... I thought, um. Well, uh... I don't really know how else to explain it, so just! Accept that he wanted to sit next to you!!”

Smooth.

As if picking up on the cue, Riolu turned towards Lance and wagged his tail. It wasn't disingenuous, as he really was excited to meet his namesake.

<<Hi, I'm Lance! I was named after you!!>> He stood up on the couch and held out his paw to Lance.

Panic coursed through me. My face instantly turned red and I grabbed Riolu. I pulled him away, hand over his mouth while trying to resist the urge to grumble something into his ear.

“What... did he say?” Lance sounded concerned, but I could hear muffled laughter from Cynthia, seated across from us. I had forgotten about her, but now wasn't the time to deal with her.

“O-Oh! Uhhh...ummm... y-y'know... how some.. Pokemon, just... say.... silly....things? To, um, their heroes?” I winced, feeling like the lie wasn't much better. My Pokemon wasn't satisfied with it either, and frowned. I could feel the dissatisfaction, right there, in my arms.

“I can't say that I know... Seeing as I haven't had any Pokemon talk to me in the same way that Riolu seems to with you.”

“Oh!” I let him go, and Riolu crossed his arms, pouting. “That's, um...” That's great! I wanted to say, but I knew that it was a very enviable thing to be able to understand Pokemon clearly. In specific words.

“That's, err, too bad, I think?” I relaxed, relieved that my Riolu hadn't somehow instantly been able to connect to and bond with Lance like he had with me. “I mean, it sucks, when they um, just have a lot of cool things they want to say to you! He thinks you're really cool!”

“And what else does Riolu think,” Cynthia said from the sidelines. I gave her a sharp look, and she stifled her laughter.

“Okay, I don't know what Cynthia thinks is so funny, but he really does look up to you!” I said, finally giving a genuine statement. “He's wanted to meet you for awhile now. And, it's, uh, it is nice to see you outside the league, for once. And not because of work!” I added, remembering that one time I had run into him. He was on a mission with the Pokemon G-Men, and somehow the events of that created this... issue. “I was just, um, surprised earlier to see you anywhere but Kanto or Johto, really. So I'm sorry if it seemed like I was being rude.”

Lance seemed to be confused by what I was saying, and I rolled my eyes and shook my head, frustrated at myself.

“Nevermind. Sorry if that didn't make any sense.”

He gave me a strange look, perhaps because my own words were strange enough without all the context on my end.

“I accept your apology, though I'm not really sure what it's for.”

“Um, 'cuz I thought maybe it seemed like I didn't want you here?”

“It didn't seem that way to me.”

I paused, trying not to overthink on what he just said. “I—oh, um. Good.” I nodded, trying to sound certain of myself.

An awkward silence followed, but it was shortly interrupted by Cynthia.

“Sarah,” she turned to me. “Where is your next badge located?”

Bless her for changing the subject to something less nerve-wracking. Riolu perked up at the mention of the Gym Challenge, and uncrossed his arms. I looked up at nothing in particular, trying to recall where I was told to go next. It was on the west side of Sinnoh, somewhere closer to Twinleaf Town than this side of Mt. Coronet.

“Umm... I think the city's called Canalave?”

“Then you should definitely make sure to train up your Riolu!” Cynthia looked excited, eyes brimming with energy and the teasing forgotten. “The Gym Leader is Byron; he's a steel-type user. Would you like to stay for awhile and train with me?”

I blinked. The offer was extremely honoring, and I couldn't figure out a reason to say no. “Sure, I'd love to! Thank you very much Cynthia.” I looked down towards the little Pokemon beside me. My Riolu jumped up, looking starry-eyed at Cynthia, tail wagging excitedly. “I'm sure Riolu would love it too, if he got to train with your Lucario!”

“Of course. I'd be more than happy for them to train together!”

“Would it be okay if I joined the two of you for your training?” Lance asked suddenly.

I felt myself freeze. I was not expecting that. I looked at him, scrutinizing him. Was there a joke in this? A prank? I was suddenly suspicious, wondering if somehow he and Cynthia were in on something. But if they were planning something like this all along, I couldn't tell; not from him. I quickly looked towards Cynthia, who clasped her hands together, smiling.

“That would be great! Incidentally, how long are you planning to stay in Sinnoh?”

“I've got a few days before I need to head to Blackthorn City.”

“Excellent! Then it's settled. We'll all train together!”

So maybe it wasn't planned. That didn't stop Cynthia from flashing me a devious smile right after. I couldn't help but feel apprehensive that she had something else up her long, black sleeves.

“That reminds me!” She pulled out a poster from under one of the books, and showed it to us. It had a drawing of a starry night sky, with what looked like shooting stars falling across it. Under that was the shrine, and the area around it was decorated.

“We're having a festival in a few days. Because we're away from any of the larger cities, the night sky is really clear. It makes it easy for us to see a meteor shower that happens once a year. It's one of the few things that draws visitors to Celestic Town, giving them revenue. The both of you should go! I'll be busy helping the town run it, so I won't be able to show you guys around, but I think you'll have plenty of fun exploring it without me!”

I felt my insides go hollow, instantly recognizing what Cynthia was doing. She was setting up an opportunity... for... a... I couldn't finish the thought, too frazzled to think it. I could only hope that, between the blanched feeling I was having and the inevitable blush that was to follow, my complexion looked relatively normal. Because I wanted to scream. And run away. And never come back.

Cynthia just gave me that, sweet, innocent, inscrutable smile, now decipherable, as a little nudge forward. She knew exactly what she was doing, and I hated that I wanted to thank her for it, too.

[purpleyellow]

Bon Voyage season 4

BTS 8th member

Sunny’s masterlist

“Sunny during Bon Voyage 4″ Shout out to the Bon Voyage anon!

a/n: It took a while but it’s done. Your opinion is very important for me, send feedback and requests anytime 💜 Also, don’t be shy and interact a little, ask box is always open

(Italics means the person is speaking in English)

“It’ll be around 45 minutes until we get to the destination” Jimin spoke from the passenger seat after reading the GPS. 

Jungkook nodded while starting the camping trailer they were in and Suny got comfortable in the small table the van had, Hoseok and Taehyung sat in front of her. The other members were driving in an SUV.

“Are you going to read during the trip?” Hobi asked the girl pointing to the book she had placed on top of the table “We’ll probably be noisy so I don’t know if it’s the best idea right now”

As he said that, Jimin pressed play on his phone and the melody of Ddaeng started playing as Taehyung turned the electric microphone on, singing with his whole soul and ignoring the two members talking.

“I was going to see if I would be able to read without having motion sickness but I guess I won’t be able to do that now” She sighed looking at the noisy boys and head bopping to the beat. “Ahh, New Zealand” 

Looking out of the window, Sunny got lost in the view as she sang along with the boys, the small road trip passing by relatively fast for her.

“Okay, let’s go,” J-Hope said opening the backdoor of the vehicle and the three members in the back instantly got hit by a very cold breeze “Maybe not without coats,” He said turning around and Sunny grabbed the big trench jacket she had miraculously found in the store they had gone to earlier.

Putting on the black thing on top of her jeans and pink sweater, she finally got out of the car and ran to the fence that divided a big field filled with sheep. Waving at them, she unintentionally caught the attention of the pastor there. 

“You guys are recording something?” the middle-aged man asked her pointing at the cameras recording the rest of the members who were only starting to make their way to where she was.

“Yes, it’s kind of a Reality thing” She answered and smiled politely, not wanting to give off too much information about what they were doing.

“Oh okay, I’ll see if the dog brings them over so you and your friends can interact with them” The man did a head nod and whistled to the dog. Jungkook approached Sunny after a little sprint, leaning on the fence as well to get a better look in the approaching sheep. “Come inside, there’s no problem”

Opening a little gate for them, and the other members, a few of them walked inside and started taking pictures with the animals and the landscape for a moment, until it got too cold for them and they decided to go inside to grab warm drinks.

“Are you ordering?” Sunny asked Hoseok as Namjoon told him the same of the drinks and he nodded to her.

“Putting to work the English I learned in the US” He smiled and waved the waiter over “You want coffee right?” 

“You got it” She answered him in English making RM chuckle. They walked together to the table and waited for the waiter to bring them their drinks.

The group spent a good amount of time just sitting in the small restaurant as some of them rested and J-Hope and Taehyung recorded the Chicken Noodle Soup challenge. Retuning to the campervan,  they sat in the same arrangement and tried to pass time since the trip would take a long time.

“Let’s play that game where you have to rhyme” Jimin spoke loud enough from the passenger seat so everyone could hear him.

“Which one? The poem thing?” J-Hope asked locking his phone and putting it away.

“I don’t know. Let’s just have one person say something and then somebody else rhymes with it until everyone had a go” He explained while still giving out directions “Taehyung you can start”

“Roses are red, violets are blue” He said without thinking too much.

“I was born smart, what happened to you” Sunny completed with the first thing that came into her mind making Hoseok and Jimin laugh while V widened his eyes.

“That’s not the direction I was going for but okay,” He said repressing a smile.

“I want to start, let me think,” Jungkook said from the driver’s seat and thought for a second before speaking and leaving everyone dumbfounded “Roses are red, corpses are blue”

“Sorry you’re dead, I forgot you’re allergic to roses,” Sunny said without really thinking and making the rest of the boys laugh once again “Oh, it doesn’t really rhyme”

“What’s up with you today?” Jimin turned around to look at her and she just shrugged.

“Kook was the one bringing up dead people” 

The BTS members had just arrived at an observatory when the sun started setting, having to wait for it to be completely dark before looking at the stars, the members parted ways, some of them going inside the small cafe to stay warm, while the others, Sunny included, stayed outside to look at the landscape or shoot J-Hope’s challenge (a very recurring theme in this trip).

“We should have bought more coats, it gets too cold during the night” Namjoon noted while he and the girl were walking around and taking pictures of the view.

“Yeah, I have like this thing and a hoddie in my backpack,” Sunny said looking down at her clothes and staring out again “It’s fun to have a change for once, we usually go to warm places for Bon Voyage”

“Agreed, although I miss the warmth a little” He chuckled kicking a rock and pondering for a moment before speaking again “I have so much to do back home, it’s like my mind can’t stay focused and enjoy what’s going on in that moment”

“Oppa, I think you’re going through work abstinence,” Sunny said with a breathy laugh.

“The weird thing is when I was on vacation back in Europe I wasn’t feeling like this. But now, it’s like the cameras triggered my memory and everything that was on hold keeps showing up in my head” He sighed stopping in his tracks and looking around to see if anyone was recording them. Although the mics were capturing all the words, the audio wouldn’t have a use unless there was footage.

“We won’t go back to actually work in a week, but I guess you can find some time to rest your conscience and run over the lyrics I wrote over the break” She smiled sheepishly and shrugged her shoulders.

“You didn’t rest?” He turned around to her with a shocked face and tried pinching her arm, although all he did was twist the fabric of her coat.

“I did. I spent some time with friends and stayed with my mom for some weeks. But when I had nothing to do I wrote a little, not my fault I wasn’t in some foreign country like most of you” She winked making him roll his eyes.

“Not fair, I’m as much as a workaholic like you. Now I feel even worst for not being productive”

“You’re the biggest workaholic in this place, maybe with the exception of Yoongi Oppa but you get me” She placed a hand on his arm and turned around so they could go back to the little restaurant. “That means you deserved to rest more than anyone here. So tell me, did you find a girlfriend during your break like JK?”

“Please don’t remember me those rumors,” He said now fake annoyed and smiling at the situation. “I’m kind of worried for him still”

“He does seem a bit quieter than usual” Sunny noted “I just wanted to talk to him for a bit and get him to vent for once, he seemed so stress when I called him one day”

“Yeah, let’s give him time. I’ll chat with him if I get the chance and I’ll tell him you’re worried too”

“Thanks, on a random note, I’m still not 100% used to seeing him with tattoos, but it does fit his image for some reason” Sunny smiled along and they joined the rest of the group. 

Waiting for a few more minutes inside, the members had a pleasant surprise once they walked out and the sky was completely full of stars. The desert-like place helped to make visible the whole milky way, making a lot of amused sounds leave their mouths.

“It’s insane to think that’s over us all the time and we can’t see it” Yoongi said from somewhere near her and Sunny nodded along, even though it was too dar for anyone to see her.

“The camera can’t capture it like I’m seeing it” Jungkook complained while trying to take a picture and Sunny grabbed her own phone to see if she was luckier than him.

“There’s no use trying to take pictures,” One of the observatory people told her and pointed to the telescope they were walking to “You’ll have a better sight with that, but everything is going to be stored in your memory”

“Oh, so like, not even the crew is going to capture the sky like this?”

“I’m afraid not,” He told her and she nodded “I’ve seen they have some professional cameras so maybe a picture that comes close to it” 

Smiling at his reassurance, Sunny walked a little faster to be able to look through the telescope before the other members.

“It’s dark, stop running or you’ll trip” She heard Jin speaking from her left but she ignored him, going straight to the object and bending a little so she could see better.

“Woah” Sunny gasped with how close the stars appeared, their shine being indescribably beautiful, but the moment got interrupted by Jimin patting her on the back.

“I want to see it too” He insisted until she moved along, of course stealing a last look to hopefully remember that sight forever.

After the two accommodations they had gone to, BTS finally arrived at the place they would be camping for two days. 

To be honest, Sunny wasn’t too excited about it, sure she had gone camping with her parents as a child, but she knew the boys wouldn’t just let her run around and play with flowers like she used to, not that she would do that anyway but it still would be nice not have to light up a fire like she was doing right now.

“Why can’t I help them with the tent?” Sunny asked Jin, who was next to her trying to do the same thing.

“Because they learned how to do it last season when you were doing nothing because of a small cut” He reminded her of the excused the had used last time and Sunny tried not to smile.

“It hurt okay, I still have the scar on my foot” 

“Show me then” Jin challenged her, knowing it was a lie and Sunny shrugged.

“It’s cold, I’m not taking my shoe off,” She said and sighed when the small flame she had going died once again. “I don’t think I’ll be able to light this”

“Of course you are, just keep fanning it,” Jin said handing her a frying pan, to which she frowned at “What? It helps to make more wind, you’ll thank me once it works”

“Alright then” She grabbed the pan and started fanning the fire more aggressively, her arm growing tired sooner than anticipated, but the flame got bigger none the less and at some point, the fire was strong enough to live by itself.

Massaging the muscle on her arm, Sunny got up from her crouched position and walked over to the campervan, where Taehyung was grabbing some things to decorate the tent they had just built.

“Can you help me carry those things outside?” He asked and gave her a bunch of fairy lights after she agreed.

“Do you know who will be sleeping here tonight?” She asked him once they were inside the orange tent and watched as he hung the lights on the walls.

“I think it’s Yoongi Hyung and Namjoon Hyung” V answered “I’m staying in the trailer with Hobi Hyung, Jimin, and Jk. Are you really staying in the SUV with Jin Hyung? We can make room for you if you want to” 

Taehyung recalled the conversation they had earlier when Jin said he didn’t like sleeping on sleeping bags and since there was no room in the van he would just lay one of the car’s seats down and sleep there. Sunny said she could do the same since she didn’t want to make the trailer’s bed too crowded.

“I can give it a try, it’s no big deal,” She said getting out of the tent with him. “If it gets too uncomfortable we’ll change the sleeping settings tomorrow”

“Okay then, if you want to wake me up in the middle and trade places I’m okay with it” V smiled and they walked to where the rest of the members were getting ready to have diner.

“Why are you going to do this when last time you almost died with only having diner in a suspended table?” Hoseok laughed at Sunny when they arrived in the place they would be going on this insane swing. 

“Because since last time everyone keeps saying I’m scared of heights, I’m here to prove I’m not,” She said determined but her palms were slightly sweaty.

Of course, it was normal to get a little scared before going on a 300-meter swing that could probably lead to your death, that did not mean she was afraid of heights, it only meant Sunny had the self-preservation instinct that people like Jungkook didn’t seem to have.

“You should go on the catapult thing as well,” He said while bouncing on his place and the rest of the boys bought their tickets.

“I’m already going on the swing of death, I don’t want to be thrown into it as well” She mumbled holding onto his arm, to both keep him in place and relieve some of the nervousness she was feeling.

After getting into the special gear and both Jimin and Yoongi had declined multiple times the opportunity to do it, the group moved along the bridge that they would be “jumping” from. Holding onto Jungkook’s shoulders, Sunny tried her best to not look down and quickly got over that part.

“We doing the swing part in pairs, so Jin Hyung and Hobi, me and Taehyung, ad then you and Jungkook okay?” Namjoon asked her once they were on the platform thing and watching Jin and Hoseok get settled on the thing.

“Okay” She said strangely more calm than before, mostly due to the instructors making sure the equipment on her groupmates was very well adjusted before letting them hang over the edge of the platform.

The sudden drop and the boys’ scream startled her a little, but Sunny couldn’t hide the smile on her face seeing how much fun they were having on the swing. So she sat next to Jimin on the steps and cheered Taehyung, who was far more scared than her when it was his turn.

“We’re doing it like the others okay?” Sunny turned to Jk once they were waiting for Namjoon and V to get back on the platform. “No funny ideas or things to make this any more dangerous than it is”

“Sure, sure,” He said jumping excited for their turn, and once the instructor asked them which way they were going to drop he nonchalantly answered “Upsidedown”

“No, no” Sunny exclaimed shaking her head. She had watched four people safely drop on the thing sitting down, she would safely do it sitting down as well.

“Yes, yes. Upsidedown” Jungkook repeated making the woman smile.

“He can go upsidedown and you can sit normally after him. How does that sound?” She asked politely making Sunny consider going alone.

“Can I do it first then?” She asked turning around to one of the producers to ask if it would make the content less exciting. Giving her a thumbs up, Sunny took it as a yes and turned to the instructor again. 

“Sure, you can go in any other you want” She waved the girl near the edge and started to fix her gear.

“Wow, you’re making me wait more because you’re too scared” Jungkook laughed watching from her side and leaning on one of the security bars.

“I’m swinging off this thing by myself, I think the only thing you can’t call me right now is scared” She rolled her eyes at him and heard Jin laughing at their exchange.

“Okay, you can sit and take your feet off the edge,” She said, and in that moment, sitting seconds away from a 70-meter free-fall and 300-meter arc swing, Sunny felt scared shitless.

She looked ahead to the instructor and blocked out any kind of noise around her, not really knowing what was going on or how much longer until she would fall onto her inevitable death backward, the only thing she could feel was her heart beating out of her chest.

It came out of nowhere, but suddenly she felt all of her body drop and a scream leave her mouth, instantly gripping onto the swing’s ropes. After a few milliseconds that felt like ages, she finally could feel the security stuff holding her body in place and preventing her to slip and die. Her screams turning into a laugh as she started to swing on the huge thing.

“I’m gonna swing, from the chandelier” Sunny sang as the thing lost momentum and looked around at the mountains around her. The adrenaline running crazy on her body as she leaned her body back every time the swing went back.

“Were you singing Sia?” Jimin asked once she made back to the platform making the girl laugh.

“Did you hear that from here?”

Getting out of the helicopter, Sunny stretched a bit and walked along the mountain of snow, following her members. She saw a few of them making snowballs, and falling in the snow so she thought she should do the same.

Falling back on the snow, she moved her arms up and down hoping to make a snow angel, but once she got up it didn’t look like one at all.

“That doesn’t look quite right” Yoongi smiled at the weird blob on the ground and helped her get some of the snow off her hair.

“I don’t know where I was aiming with that, to be honest” Sunny said shaking her coat. “What are the others doing?”

“Jimin and Taehyung are walking around and doing something I don’t understand and the rest are building a snowman” Suga said and started walking with her to where the rest of them were.

“Sunny, do you have something to put on it?” Hoseok screamed for her pointing at the two balls of snow that barely looked like a snowman.

Taking off her beanie, she threw it to him and walked closer, looking for things that could make the “statue” more human-like.

Placing a pair of glasses on its face and a scarf around its neck, the members decided they had done a good enough job and walked away, looking for more things to do.

“Hey, look at this” Jimin approached her with a concerned face and a hand full of snow. “Is this an insect?”

Leaning down to look at what he was showing her, Sunny didn’t react fast enough when he lifted up his hand and smeared snow on her face.

“Really?” Sunny screamed after taking some of the snow off her eyes and looked around to see the boy jumping excited and grinning mischievously. Running towards him to push him on the ground, she got slowed down by the snow and failed to do it, instead of holding him in place and kicking the back of his knee to somehow take him down, which she also failed to do.

Looking at them from afar, Jin sighed and looked at Suga “Why are they like this?”

END OF THE TRIP INTERVIEW

1.What did you think when you heard you were coming to New Zealand?

“I liked it but it wasn’t anything special. Like I had heard good things about it and was interested in some of the videos the guys showed me so I thought it would be fun to come here, and it really was.”

2. This was your first work after vacation. How was it?

“I didn’t travel anywhere during the vacation, mostly because I wanted to see some people and I couldn’t do that if I was away, but also because I knew we were going to come to New Zealand right after and I just realized I didn’t have this extra need for going away and spending time outside of Korea. It sure was fun to spend this time with the members after not having them on my daily routine like I’m used to, it consolidated in my mind that no matter the time we spend apart this group of people will always feel like family.”

3. What did you like the most? 

“I really enjoyed the overall feel of the country. I don’t know how to explain, but everywhere we went the sky was always beautiful, the landscape, the mountains, the roads we went through, everything was always beautiful, and even though my nose is stuffy and my fingers froze a lot, the weather feels so cozy and so nice. This just seems like one of those places you go backpacking with your friends and the fact that we did exactly that feels really good to me”

4. When did you feel bad or disappointed?

“Hmm… I don’t think I felt disappointed about anything, but since we changed locations so many times this trip, it did cross my mind how I wasn’t much use whenever we went to another accommodation since I don’t drive and couldn’t really help them whenever someone got tired and needed a rest. Also, I don’t think I was that entertaining this time, so sorry for the people watching this”

5. How did you feel about this trip?

“Everything was really nice. Compared to the last time we spent most of the trip together as a group instead of pairs, and that made me grateful for all of the members’ presence. Also, the destination really made me want to come back, with them but also with the rest of the people I love”

6. To ARMYs who’d watch Bon Voyage Season Four

“I said it before, but first I’m sorry if I didn’t appear as entertaining. I hope you understand that I truly liked this trip and was just living through it in my own way instead of exaggerating it and making it seem fake. Everything was perfect and I hope you can have some enjoyment just watching the members being ourselves”

[elderbloodlore]

Calanthe was not a racist homicidal tyrant: a useless and bitter rant of someone whose favourite character ever got mercilessly butchered.

WHY ARE YOU WRITING THIS? 

Well, let me give you a little bit of a backstory. I first read the Last Wish and the Sword of Destiny in 2012, when I was 14 years old. I instantly connected with the character of Calanthe, and after her death, it took me nearly a year to be able to pick up the saga itself. Ever since, she remained my favourite fictional character ever. As a little girl in misoginistic Poland, I was so lucky to have her as a role model. Because she fought for herself, she took no shit from anybody, she had love and respect of the people around her, and yet she had such tenderness and kindness about her that many strong woman-trope characters are missing these days, and that is exactly what happened to Calanthe when she was being translated to the screen. In 2015 The Wild Hunt was coming out and there were rumours of Ciri being included, so you can imagine my absolute glee and the hope I was filled with to have some more content with that one woman that meant so much to me growing up. And you can imagine my disappointment when all we got about her were a couple tiny mentions, even though the events of the Wild Hunt happen not even a decade after her death. Then the show by Netflix was announced and, once again, I had super high expectations. I wanted to see the wise, kind, beautiful Queen brought alive. December 2019 rolls in, and my hopes are being steamrolled. So here I am, 22 years old and crying over a fictional character, because one of the best written female characters ever (in my opinion) entered mainstream as a bullish, racist, homicidal tyrant. So let me address the biggest changes the show made to my beloved Calanthe Fiona Riannon, the Lioness of Cintra.

THE LOOKS 

That was obviously the first thing that threw me off. I was quite enthusiastic when the cast was announced, but then as the first promo pictures were released, my enthusiasm was slowly dying down. In the books, Calanthe’s looks are adressed very often: 

 “As before, the queen wore emeralds matching the green of her dress and her eyes. As before, a thin gold crown encircled her ash-gray hair.” Sword of Destiny. 

I tried to convince myself that Jodhi May won’t be a bad Calanthe so hard that I actually made this poor ass EDIT to feed my delusions and cheer myself up. In comparison, HERE is my personal favourite art of Calanthe that I find is the most accurate to the book portrayal. 

Even when the first trailer dropped I was still trying to convince myself that even though she has none of her Elder Blood features or her iconic emerald green, that she wore exclusively in the books, she couldn’t be that bad. Right? Wrong. 

THE DEMEANOR 

This is probably the biggest change. Calanthe was one of the wisest, most gracefully-written characters in the entire saga, and I really hoped to see that on screen. She was quick-witted, calculating, but at the same time caring enough to let her daughter choose her own destiny in the end (even if it was to be with a hedgehog-headed man twice her age). Her smiles were said to always be full of kindness, she was acting very proper and clearly cared about her image. I’m not going to be getting too much into it with my own words, let these examples speak for me:

'Ah, Geralt,' said Calanthe, with a gesture forbidding a servant from refilling her goblet. 'I speak and you remain silent. We're at a feast. We all want to enjoy ourselves. Amuse me. I'm starting to miss your pertinent remarks and perceptive comments. I'd also be pleased to hear a compliment or two, homage or assurance of your obedience. In whichever order you choose.' [...]  'Hochebuz,'  said Calante, looking at Geralt,  'my first battle. Although I fear rousing the indignation and contempt of such a proud witcher, I confess that we were fighting for money. Our enemy was burning villages which paid us levies and we, greedy for our tributes, challenged them on the field. A trivial reason, a trivial battle, a trivial three thousand corpses pecked to pieces by the crows. And look - instead of being ashamed I'm proud as a peacock that songs are sung about me. Even when sung to such awful music' Again she summoned her parody of a smile full of happiness and kindness, and answered the toast raised to her by lifting her own, empty, goblet. Geralt remained silent. The Last Wish.

'Aha,' said Calanthe quietly, clearly pleased. 'And what do you say, Geralt? The girl has taken after her mother. It's even a shame to waste her on that red-haired lout, Crach. The only hope is that the pup might grow into someone with Eist Tuirseach's class. It's the same blood, after all. Are you listening, Geralt? Cintra has to form an alliance with Skellige because the interest of the state demands it. My daughter has to marry the right person. Those are the results you must ensure me.' The Last Wish.

‘Very well then. As queen, I shall convene a council tomorrow. Cintra is not a tyranny. The council will decide whether a dead king's oath is to decide the fate of the successor to the throne. It will decide whether Pavetta and the throne of Cintra are to be given to a stranger, or to act according to the kingdom's interest.'  The Last Wish.

'Pavetta!' Calanthe repeated. 'Answer. Do you choose to leave with this creature?' Pavetta raised her head. 'Yes.' The Force filling the hall echoed her, rumbling hollowly in the arches of the vault. No one, absolutely no one, made the slightest sound. Calanthe very slowly, collapsed into her throne. Her face was completely expressionless. The Last Wish.

Guards, armed with guisarmes and lances, ran in from the entrance. Calanthe, upright and threatening, with an authoritative, abrupt gesture indicated Urcheon to them. Pavetta started to shout, Eist Tuirseach to curse. Everyone jumped up, not quite knowing what to do. ‘Kill him!' shouted the queen. The Last Wish.

CINTRA, RACISM AND MURDERING HER OWN PEOPLE 

In the books, Cintra was often mentioned to be obiding by the rules of the elves: 

‘Dear child,’ said Vesemir gravely, 'don’t let yourself get carried away by your emotions. You were brought up differently, you’ve seen children being brought up in another way. Ciri comes from the south where girls and boys are brought up in the same way, like the elves. She was put on a pony when she was five and when she was eight she was already riding out hunting. She was taught to use a bow, javelin and sword. A bruise is nothing new to Ciri—’ Blood of Elves.

There were many elves and dwarves living peacefully within its borders. Calanthe’s two names - Fiona and Riannon, come from her ancestors that are respectively a quarter and a half elf, and known to be that. Calanthe was the one who taught Ciri that non-humans are not dangerous:

‘I’m not afraid at all!’ Ciri suddenly cried, assuming her little devil face for a moment. ‘And I’m not parrotised! So you’d better watch your step! Nothing can happen to me here. Be sure! I’m not afraid. My grandmamma says that dryads aren’t evil, and my grandmamma is the wisest woman in the world! My grandmamma… My grandmamma says there should be more forests like this one…’ Sword of Destiny.

There was no actual reason nor basis for the showrunners to make her racist and make her murder elves. Having her walk into her own daughter’s birthday party, bathed in elven blood, while she knows that the same blood flows in her own veins, at least partially, was completely unnecessary. Even in the polish version of the show from 2001 Calanthe said: 

RELATIONSHIP WITH GERALT 

This probably hits me the most on personal level, because I feel like Calanthe had a huge impact on Geralt’s growth as a character, and with such a drastic change to their relationship, I’m unsure as to he will now proceed to develop. Calanthe was, in large, one of the first people in the books that treated Geralt as anything more than a mutant. Here are some of my favourite scenes between the two, in comparison with how their relationship was portrayed in the show:

"At times, no, for years at a time, I deluded myself that you might forget. Or that for other reasons you might be prevented from coming. No, I didn't want anything unfortunate to happen to you, but I had to take into consideration the dangerous nature of your profession. It is said that death follows in your footsteps, Geralt of Rivia, but that you never look behind you. Then... when Pavetta... You know already?" "I know," Geralt said, inclining his head. "My sincere condolences..." "No," she interrupted, "it was all long ago. I no longer wear mourning clothes, as you see. I wore them for long enough.” Sword of Destiny.

He slowly pushed the cup on the table so that the clink of silver on malachite would not betray the uncontrollable trembling of his arm. "You don't deny it?" "No." She bent to seize his hand with vigor. "You disappoint me," she said, giggling prettily. "This isn't voluntary," he responded, laughing as well. "How did you guess, Calanthe?" "I did not guess." She did not release his hand. "I said it at random, that's all." They broke out in laughter. Sword of Destiny.

"I will not take it. It is too great a responsibility, one that I refuse to assume. I would not want for this child to speak about you the way... the way I..." "You hate this woman, Geralt?" "My mother? No, Calanthe. I doubt that she was given a choice... or perhaps she had no say? No, she had, you know, enough formulas and elixirs... Choice. There is a sacred and incontestable choice of every woman that must be respected. Emotions are of no importance here. She had the indisputable right to make such a choice. That's what she did. But I think about meeting her, the expression on her face then... it gives me a sort of perverse pleasure, if you understand what I mean." Sword of Destiny.

A rosebush grew next to the gazebo. Geralt plucked a flower, breaking its stem and then knelt, his head bowed, presenting the flower in his hands. "I regret that I did not meet you sooner, white-haired one," she said, accepting the offered rose. "Rise." He rose. "If you change your mind," she went on, sniffing the flower, "if you decide... Return to Cintra. I will wait for you. Your destiny will be waiting for you, as well. Perhaps not advitam aeternam, but for some time, no doubt." "Farewell, Calanthe." "Farewell, witcher. Look after yourself. I... I sometimes feel... in a strange way... that I am seeing you for the last time." "Farewell, my queen." Sword of Destiny.

FALL OF CINTRA AND CALANTHE’S DEATH 

We were robbed of so many epic scenes that truly took away from Calanthe’s millitary accomplishments and showed none of the strength and determination she originally had: 

"The Nilfgaardians dealt the first blow," he began after a moment of silence. "There were thousands. They met with the armies of Cintra in the Marnadal valley. The battle lasted all day: from dawn to dusk. Cintra's troops valiantly resisted before being decimated. The king died, and that's when the queen..." "Calanthe." "Yes. Seeing that her army had succumbed to panic and scattered, she gathered around herself and her standard any who could still fight and formed a line of defense that reached the river, next to the city. All the soldiers who were still able followed." "And Calanthe?" "With a handful of knights, she covered the troops' crossing and defended the rear. They say she fought like a man, plunging into the thick of the battle. She was impaled by pikes when she charged against the Nilfgaardian infantry. She was then evacuated to the city. What's in that flask, Geralt?" "Vodka. Want some?" "Well then, gladly." "Speak. Continue, Dandelion. Tell me everything." "The city wasn't properly defended. There was no headquarters. The defensive walls were empty. The rest of the knights and their families, the princes and the queen, barricaded themselves in the castle. The Nilfgaardians then took the castle after their sorcerers reduced the gate to cinders and burned down the walls. Only the tower, apparently protected by magic, resisted the spells of the Nilfgaardian sorcerers. Even so, the attackers penetrated inside four days later without making camp. The women had killed the children, the boys and girls, and fell upon their own swords or... What's is it, Geralt?" "Continue, Dandelion." "Or... like Calanthe... head first, from the battlement, the very top... It's said that she asked to be... but no-one would agree. So she climbed up to the crenelations and... jumped head first. They say they did horrible things to the corpse afterward. I don't want... What is it?” Sword of Destiny.

I understand that this happened because of limited screen time, probably, but the whole Fall of Cintra had been squeezed into what seemed to be a single day, a crushing defeat for Calanthe’s forces, and probably in some way, punishment for her pride. 

AFTER CALANTHE’S DEATH 

While reading the rest of the saga, these little snipits of people talking about Calanthe, mentioning her, often with respect and reverence, mentioning how her people mourned her and swore revange for her, truly kept me going through. I wished that, at the end, Ciri would find it in herself to return home and liberate it, as back then I had no way to spoil myself the ending. In the books, you can really feel the outrage almost all of Continent feels after the murder of Calanthe: 

[...] Cintra is a symbol. Remember Sodden! If it were not for the massacre of that town and Calanthe's martyrdom, there would not have been such a victory then. The forces were equal — no one counted on our crushing them like that. But our armies threw themselves at their throats like wolves, like rabid dogs, to avenge the Lioness of Cintra. Blood of Elves.

[...] Bear in mind that these men left their homes and families, and fled to Sodden and Brugge, and to Temeria, because they wanted to fight for Cintra, for Calanthe’s blood. They wanted to liberate their country, to drive the invader from Cintra, so that Calanthe’s descendant would regain the throne. Baptism of Fire.

In the show, there is none of that. In fact, people seem to be full of disdain and hatred for her, saying things such as: 

which, in turn, fills me with dread for the upcoming seasons, because I can already feel all the further butchery coming my beloved Queen’s way.

IN CONCLUSION

In all honestly, there is very little the Calanthe from the show has in common with the one from the books, the one I originally fell in love with. Which is not to say that Netflix’s Calanthe is not a great character in her own right, because who doesn’t love a badass sword-wielding Queen, but as a portrayal of the greatest ruler within the Witcher universe, and one of, in my opinion, best written female rules in literature, she falls flat, and that’s what pushed me to write this useless and slightly bitter rant, in hopes to maybe interest more people in the original version of Calanthe and maybe, just maybe, prompt some of you to read the saga or, at the very least, the short stories. 

[yanderesleuth]

Yandere Simulator - A Sleuth's Blunt and Honest Review

Hello everyone! The sleuth is back and she is ready to give you her blunt and honest review of Yandere Simulator. I’ve been wanting to do this for SO long but I simply did not have a computer strong enough to do a fair and accurate review. Recently, I was able to get a decent laptop and the demo installed fairly quickly – perhaps 8 to 10 minutes.

To those who may be new to this blog, I started following the development in 2015/2016(?) when I first saw a gameplay by Markiplier, and I am one of many that has watched Yandere Simulator transform from bare-bones to this STUNNING atmosphere with tons of different gameplay options. I am so proud of how far this game has come, and I appreciate YandereDev and his volunteers for busting their asses every day and sticking with the development. I will be going through what is likely common knowledge, but I’m rather late to the game and I apologize.

The main menu is unique! I’m not the most knowledgeable gamer out there, but I have never seen one quite like this before. Pressing start creates a rather fast zoom towards Ayano, who is holding a love letter behind her back. After you defeat your rival, you can see a visual of the specific method you used in the background. (ie. Osana’s bloody body hanging out of the fan; I don’t want to provide a screen shot of this, so just pretend.) Last I heard, not every elimination had a specific visual yet, but I’m not sure if this is still true or not. The menu is very easy to read, and you are currently allowed three different game files. You are unable to use the easter eggs/debug cheats until you have eliminated your rival once, which is a nice touch.

The introduction cutscene is quite compelling and it grabs your attention easily. I noticed that the large flash of various images are now in a photograph format and gradually piles up in the middle of the screen (if that makes sense); I feel that the previous format, image after image, was a bit more thrilling. Though, I appreciate the current look, as it hints that you will be taking pictures in the game, at one point or another.

One question I have: It’s canon that Ryoba kidnapped Ayano’s father and tied him to a chair in her basement (as told by the basement tape.) Yet in the cutscene, it shows them under the cherry tree, holding hands. Is this simply a daydream of Ayano’s? Is she truly aware of how her parents got together?

The game runs VERY smooth overall; it is a little choppy in spots, but the performance is much better from what I remember. Out of force of habit, I adjusted my settings anyway; I’m personally not a fan of the outlines on each character. I’m not sure why; it’s just a preference for me. For the sake of this review, I chose an elimination method that I have never tried before: Expel. I believe that choosing a method that I’m well-rehearsed in would not make this a very fair review, and it would not represent the challenges in the game.

The current small town holds a variety of shops – hardware, games, lingerie, and even a small restaurant to earn money. (I’ve played it in the past and it’s pretty fun.) It has a lovely ambience to it, with perky music in the background and several familiar faces roaming the street. Despite being unable to adjust my settings or access my phone in general, the town still runs great on my new laptop. You are automatically given $10 at the beginning of the game, and I chose to buy the stealthy black underwear, to limit students’ range of sight.

I’m thrilled to learn that there are more ways to receive points for Info-Chan’s services. The bug mechanic is genius and is a lot more convenient for players. With this feature, you can receive fifty points per day. And for any other extra points you may need, you can ‘sneak’ panty shots.

The first (minor) complaint I have is the controls for taking photos. When you have a laptop with no actual buttons, and no mouse, it’s impossible to do so. I had to take my mouse from my Yamcha PC in order to take the lewd pictures on Osana’s phone, and for the vandalism of the vending machine. Aside from this, the expel method is very interesting, and I admit that I was a bit scared stealing the answer sheet. I had gotten caught once because I placed the radio too close to the door, but I was able to go back and successfully steal the sheet.

The second, not-so-small complaint I have is regarding the ring theft from Sakyu Basu. I had the WORST time stealing it! I learned rather quickly that for whatever reason, I could not distract Sakyu. I could not interact with her at all. She just sat there, eating lunch. I tried bang snaps, simply sneaking up on her to grab the ring, and even joining the drama club for a mask with the intention of just grabbing it and running. Each time, I would get the ‘don’t touch that’ dialogue and never got a chance to take it again. Out of frustration, I tried stealing it while INKYU was distracted and it worked!

The third and the biggest complaint is SNAP mode; I have been anticipating this for years. First, I will say that this feature is absolutely terrifying, and the concept is everything I imagined and more. Ayano finally loses her sanity, to the point of no return and you are free to eliminate anyone and everyone in your path, within a time limit. The objective of snap mode is to obtain a knife and kill Senpai, since he has discovered your true nature and he will never love you.

Unfortunately, SNAP mode hardly worked for me and I eventually had to close out of the game. I got the game over on the roof top at lunch time, and I got the command to find the knife. I would venture through the school to try to do so, and would press the space bar to transport a little further, but I would get static and teleport to the same exact spot I was at on the roof! I learned that eliminating students in my path would buy me time to search further into the school, but eventually, I ran out of students and I was stuck on the roof.

But… I have faith that the ring bug and the snap mode bug will be fixed.

After Osana’s expulsion, I admit that I am rather intrigued by this method and may actually use it in the final product. Senpai’s sanity will be playing a major part in the game, and it will be very interesting to see when it is fully implemented.

The first of three ending cutscenes introduced Amai Odayaka. She is absolutely precious and I cannot wait to learn more about her when her week arrives! I almost had her eliminated during the Amai challenge, but I messed up and had to end the game for the night.

The newest adjustment to the students’ models are just beautiful. Have a look at Kokona Haruka!

Overall, this game is rich in lore and plot twists, and plenty to speculate on. There is SO MUCH to do in Yandere Simulator! I feel that this game has a lot of potential and I look forwards to its release, whenever that may be. Unfortunately, the pandemic has slowed a lot of things down, including the upcoming crowdfunding campaign. This is a fantastic demo to check out if you have not already. I’m planning on going back in and finishing the Amai challenge, experimenting with mission mode and pose mode.

Sound off: Which is your favorite elimination method so far?

-Sleuth

Download Yandere Simulator's Demo Here

[wakaoujisenhime]

Hello! I really fall in love with your blog! Thank you very much for those Vorpal Swords headcanons! Can I ask headcanons about being Rakuzan manager? For example, how she cares about boys and they care about her; how Rakuzan protects her; How she supports them at games. And Akashi likes her. Good luck to your blog!

A/N: Hello there! I’m glad to know that you’re enjoying these, so I hope that this one will be to your liking as well! Also to those who don’t know what a ‘bokken’ is: it’s basically a wooden sword, Japanese swordswomen and men use for training! 

Tags: Akashi x reader ✅  Rakuzan x reader ✅  SFW ✅  fluff ✅  friendship ✅  

image/art source: Zerochan (art by Tousaku) [I sadly couldn't find the corresponding post where they uploaded it, since that artist seems to be inactive atm, but if you happen to stumble upon it, please make sure to tell me!]

━━━━☆ ━━━━☆ ━━━━☆

so first of all how did you even become Rakuzan’s manager?

well you were actually taking care of the team BEFORE Akashi joined the club

back then you guys were a wholesome team, but the moment the redhead was pronounced captain it all went downhill...

your former teammates began dropping out with the same complaints

“He’s too strict”, “I can’t train like this anymore”, “When he’s on the court, basketball loses its fun factor!”

even if you hated to admit it...they were right

Akashi was a REALLY strict leader who always wanted his team members to give it their all

100%? Not enough, make it a 110 and then you might be chosen as a substitute

during the first half of the school year, you put up with everything he threw at you, whether it were insults or commands

at one point you weren’t even the manager anymore but became his loyal puppy that did everything he instructed you to do

the things he requested weren’t even worthy to your title...unless you like standing in front of the gym door, acting like a bodyguard at the disco

and of course, even you had your limits

after Akashi had once again decided to give you an unreasonable task, you finally snapped

“I’ve had enough! Just who do you think you are, ordering me around as if I was your subordinate!”

“Listen. You either fix that emperor like attitude of yours, or you end up losing one of Japan’s strongest team...including me.”

in your state of anger, you had shoved the clipboard you were using against his chest and had stormed off the gym

a whole week had passed and you didn’t visit the club even once, that’s how pissed off you were

one day just when you thought about filling up a club withdrawal paper, there was a letter in your locker

...

Dear (Y/N)...I know that the way I’ve been acting up until now has upset you, but the reasoning behind my behavior is a simple one. All I desire is to see whom of these ‘star players’ everybody (including you) praises, can actually live up to their title. Sadly, I’ve come to the conclusion that none of them were able to, so I’ve decided to build up a new team in which you as well are going to be needed. I sincerely hope that you are willing to help the new Rakuzan basketball club reach even greater heights than ever before. Yours faithfully, Akashi Seijuro

P.S: We need you manager.

...

the first half of the letter had made your blood boil, but the further you read the more your curiosity got peaked

but you didn’t want to give in that easily, so you decided to visit the club one day to see what Akashi’s idea of an absolute basketball team looked like

...

...

“So (Y/N)..what do you think?“, Akashi asked after practice had ended

you had just looked at him with one of your ‘are you kidding me?’ faces and shook your head

these boys...

a) looked like full-fledged men to you

b) could easily snap you in half if they wanted to (especially Nebuya)

and finally

c) were probably all legendary NBA players in their past life

all in all they were amazing

watching them play gave you the impression of an actual and professional basketball game...that’s just how good they were

.

..

...

two months passed and you had taken the role of the manager once again

you hated to admit it, but Akashi was once again right..this team was absolutely amazing and worthy of any title you could think of

luckily these boys turned out to be more wholesome than you had ever anticipated

knowing that all of them had their struggles and own problems to deal with, despite their flawless appearance made you realize that that they were indeed your typical high school boys and not some basketball machines

sadly they couldn’t - or better said - weren’t allowed to show any weakness during training...these were Akashi’s orders

much to your surprise, they had accepted it with much less resistance than the members before them, but you were a little anxious that they might end up quitting the team so you took it upon yourself to prevent that scenario from arriving  

from that day forward you began spending more and more time with all the members (except Akashi) …

.

Reo:

as the vice-captain he was to ensure that everybody followed the training regimen they were given by the redhead (in case of his absence)

sadly due to his laid-back nature and feminine speech, almost no one took him seriously

that’s where you come in…

“Come on now guys! Listen to Reo or I’ll get the bokken! And if that doesn’t get you guys moving then I’m sure a short phone call with Akashi certainly will...”

the second line always worked and even managed to make Reo giggle

after that, he’d always thank you several times and while the others ran laps/were stretching the two of you would always talk about that day’s schedule

by the end of practice, Reo and you would actually go out and do some shopping while talking about different topics

and thanks to his talented eye for the beautiful, your wardrobe was full with clothes that complimented your figure just perfectly, which only boosted your ego      

a certain topic you guys started talking about only recently was romance

at first you were extremely careful to not touch upon any touchy subject since there were a lot of rumors amongst your classmates, concerning Reo’s sexual orientation

but the more you got to know him, the easier it was for you to talk to him and in no time the two of you had become best friends

whenever someone either came up to you or him and wanted to just mess around, the two of you got each other’s backs at all time and would either intervene directly or call for backup (mainly Nebuya)

thanks to Reo’s ‘big sister’ personality you luckily never felt alone or at a loss, since you knew that he’d always be there for you and help you out

Kotarou:

this boy seriously makes you run for your money

he’d always arrive almost half an hour earlier than the others just cause he wants to mess around with you (he’d for example take your clipboard and make you literally chase him for it)

at first it upset you quite a bit, but as time passed you eventually got used to it and evolved your strategy

you chase him?

hell NO

you’d instead sit down on one of the benches and wait for him to bring it back to you

your strategy for that was to remain silent and show no reaction whatsoever whenever he asked if you weren’t going to chase him like the ‘good old times’

he’d then get so worried that he’s upset you that he gives up, brings you your clipboard and starts either poking your cheeks, playing with your hair or straight out embrace you

the latter always broke your façade

his warm hugs accompanied by the glistening puppy eyes and his snaggletooth always made you pity him and wonder if you’ve perhaps gone too far

the moment you’d give in, his cheerful attitude was back in an instant

and that routine became pretty much a daily ritual between the two of you

what perhaps surprised you the most was when you actually witnessed Kotarou’s other side of his bubbly personality

he was surprisingly the ‘holding a grudge’ type (especially on the court)

Rakuzan had a practice match once and when a player of the opposing team made it past the blond boy seconds later he was fuming, glaring at everyone who even looked his way and screamed more as well as louder than usual

the others around you weren’t even faced by his sudden tantrum so it was up to you to calm him down before the referee gave him a yellow card

since then his mood-swings became your responsibility

outside of the gym, you guys spent a good amount of time together

you mostly helped him out with his homework since he really wasn’t the brightest out of the bunch (and as some of you might know in Japan your grades play a major role when you’re a part of a club. Depending on your test results you might get excluded from some of the activities as far as I know) and you weren’t going to leave on any activity without this ball of sunshine

to pay you back for your help he’d go skateboarding with you on the weekend

in case you forgot or couldn’t skate he’d help you remember or teach it to you

much to your surprise, he was quite a good teacher, so it was easy for you to understand the basics and even learn some of the simplest tricks on the way

but in case you were some kind of a pro (or simply good) at it, he’d challenge you to a small contest and by the end of it the two of you would actually come up with a small choreography

Nebuya:

to be frank, he intimidated the heck out of you (at first) and he was actually the most difficult for you to approach

the main reason for your reluctance was mainly because of his appearance, but just a day after you were first introduced to him made you change your mind

on your way to school you took the train and as commonly known the trains in Japan were the majority of the time extremely filled with people and some of them just couldn’t keep their hands by themselves and just had to go ahead and start feeling people up

in that case, the victim was unfortunately you  

the typical reaction of your other female classmates would’ve been to stand there and do nothing about it, but you were different

“Excuse me, but could you stop touching me?“, you asked in a loud voice making sure that at least some people witnessed what was happening

you couldn’t care less if you guys became the center of attention, all you wanted was to get this creep’s hands away from your body...and you did

what you didn’t know/notice was that Nebuya had actually seen all of it and wanted to come and help, but you were quicker

when you got out of the train he caught up to you and directly asked if you were ok

he even went ahead and bowed his head to you apologizing multiple times for not reacting quick enough

it surprised and scared you at the same time, but this was kind of a chance to finally talk to him, so you made sure to not let that opportunity slip away

and trust me when I say this, but this man turned out to be a bigger softie than you anticipated

since that day he became the person you’d call upon first in case of trouble you couldn’t solve on your own

Nebuya even volunteered to be your bodyguard, but you weren’t really a damsel in distress so you refused at first

and after many arguments, pouts and pleas you finally gave in and agreed to go to school together every day

additionally during training he’d make sure to be the first one to save you from any flying ball

much to his dismay, you managed to dodge or even to catch the majority of them which made his attempts completely futile

so in order for him to stop sulking about how he had ‘failed to show you his muscles in action’, you’d go out and help him with his workout

sometimes you’d even be his motivational right hand during his own eating contests

and when he decided to show his ‘manly’ side and either burps or lets out gas, your bokken was on him just some seconds later

Mayuzumi:

this boy seriously hated you in the beginning

in his eyes you were nothing but a loud girl who wanted some attention and tried to gain it by acting as the manager

much to his surprise you figured him out pretty quickly

you somehow knew when he became irritated on the court and immediately took action to prevent any outbursts from him or someone else

furthermore, you supported his hobby without asking questions and when he expressed the wish to go to the rooftop and read a chapter or maybe even two from his light novel, you’d just let him go

one afternoon he came to the gym to excuse himself from training and found only you and how you had fallen asleep on the referee table

his first thought was to leave before you even noticed that he’d been there, but then he saw a small notebook with the title ‘RAKUZAN BB CLUB’ so he got curious and started reading your handwritten entries about all of the members

each member had a few pages worth of information you had either gathered yourself or looked up

he found it a tad adorable that you reserved the last page for a personal comment on a player since it reminded him of how some of his authors wrote an afterword at the end of their story

as soon as he read his name though he suddenly became really reluctant to proceed

for some reason, he was afraid of what you might have written/researched about him

he started to read it anyways

“...”

“Has a low presence...well yeah I guess”

“...”

“Seems to be prouder than he lets on? W-Wha? That’s not even...true”  

“...”

“Probably swears at his teammates internally...how did she know?!”

“...”

“It would make me happy if we talked more to each other, but he probably hates me... ”  

Mayuzumi would’ve never told you, but that last line hurt him quite a bit

.

that day he decided to join practice and when you called for a timeout you’d always leave his towel and water bottle on the bench next to you and he’d normally just take it, but this time he murmured a barely audible ‘thank you’

you almost fainted then and there, but somehow managed to keep up your serious facial expression (which he very much appreciated)

the two of you would almost never go out/spend time together, but instead, you began exchanging small gestures like you buying him a new volume of his favorite author or him hiding a small ‘thank you’ note in your notebook

Akashi (finally):

since you and he know each other from way back, you didn’t have that much contact in the beginning since you wanted to take your time to get to know the new members, but Akashi’s eyes were always on you

if someone out of the other members even dared to ask him if he harbored feelings for you...then let us just pray that he doesn’t have Midorima’s scissors with him

but if one of his main players (most likely Kotarou) asked him about it, he’d just cut him off quickly and shut the conversation down

Rakuzan’s captain cares for you in his own kind of way

he’d support you from afar and make sure that no one who he doesn’t deem as worthy comes even remotely close to you

you weren’t aware, but since you had once again become the manager of the reformed Rakuzan you became quite popular

a lot of people admired you, some were even impressed or jealous and some even began having feelings for you

“I’m thinking about asking (Y/N) out...what do you think?”

as soon as Akashi heard your name in such a conversation he instantly made his move

don’t ask how he did it, but within a week you had gained the reputation of being ‘out of limits’ for everyone except for the club and your friends and just in case someone felt the need to be adventurous, there was no way they’d be let into the gym (thanks to Akashi’s orders and Nebuya’s muscular body)

.

the redhead had first noticed his feelings for you when you snapped at him back then

for him it was the first time someone even dared to speak up against him and even insult him

he was surprised and very annoyed at first, but as the days passed by him and his incomplete team he figured that it would be the best to start anew

so he scouted three of the uncrowned kings and a 3rd-year student who basically was a future version of Kuroko

when the stage was set all he needed was for the main star to appear, so he sent you that letter where he invited you to watch the new team

.

as far as the confession goes...

Akashi is a very strategic person, so he’d most likely wait for his promise to come true (the promise of Rakuzan reaching greater heights) and then confess saying something like:

“See? I’ve kept my promise...now it’s your turn.”      

[theritualofourexistence]

Clarity in the Cancellation Crusade

After posting multi-paragraph comments on a couple different things that have popped up in my feed recently, it seemed like I should probably just sit down and write this out.

“Cancel culture.” Crazy shit, right?

The recent onslaught of cancellations includes Mr. Potato Head, Pepe Le Pew, a handful of Disney movies (Peter Pan, Dumbo, The Aristocats), and *audible gasp* Dr. Seuss. The Muppets also got a newfangled Disney+ content warning, though I’ve seen significantly fewer headlines about that.

The thing that inevitably happens when the news media decides to publish a headline about a children’s toy or book being “canceled” is a veritable parade of social media complaints about how sensitive people have become. I saw this particular post over 10 times in the period of a couple hours one day last week…

The question I’ve been asking recently when I see posts like that is this: “Who do you think cancel culture is?”

Because “cancel culture” isn’t real. In the majority of the cases currently making headlines, the choice to remove a character from a movie or stop publishing a book has been made by the company responsible for that character or book… and that is very much a normal thing companies can choose to do.

No one I’ve posed the above question to has overtly mentioned “Libtards,” but it’s certainly implied. People who haven’t read a Dr. Seuss book in 20 years are now suddenly all up in arms (literally?) because “the Liberals” are coming for “And to Think That I Saw It on Mulberry Street.”

The Liberals are not coming for Dr. Seuss. They do not care about a potato toy. Also, nothing is happening to the Cat in the Hat. I repeat: NOTHING is happening to the Cat in the Hat.

The choices to stop publishing that book and to market a vegetable toy in a less gendered way were made by the companies responsible for producing those products… not the Liberal “cancel culture” ghoul. In fact, it’s really, really hard to find public outcry about any of the things that have been recently “canceled.” There was a single NYT article that recently discussed the problematic nature of the Pepe Le Pew cartoons… that said, Warner Bros hasn’t aired that show in decades and it is not clear whether that article had anything to do with the skunk’s scene being removed from the new Space Jam movie.

Even growing up I remember things like political correctness needlessly becoming a partisan issue. When we fall into that media trap, all we’re doing is watering the plant of an already poisonous and ineffective two-party system. Be bigger than that temptation. Push back against media intended to further divide Americans. If something stinks, it’s probably rotten. Sure, there are certain topics that fall under the umbrella of political correctness that sound alarm bells for censorship issues… but didn’t everyone’s mom tell them that if they didn’t have anything nice to say, they shouldn’t say anything at all?

Again, though, the most important thing to remember about this recent wave of “canceling” is that censorship concerns are moot. A person who owns a thing is legally allowed to do all the censoring they want. It’s not the government that has decided to stop publishing 6 books written by Dr. Seuss… if it were, we could have the censorship conversation. These changes aren’t happening because there is a Democrat in the White House. They’re happening because the company who makes these products, has for whatever reason, decided to take a different approach.

In the case of the Dr. Seuss books, Dr. Seuss Enterprises re-evaluated their choice to publish 6 books based on racist themes and images. I have only heard of two of those six. The image below is, in my opinion, objectively problematic:

The fact that a major company behind such a well-known name has seen that something is problematic and has decided to stop publishing the books containing overt racist images is awesome. It sets a great example that we can all learn from. Humans have an amazing capacity to learn… that’s one of the only reasons we are in charge here on Earth. If we fall on ice once, we are often more careful on ice the next time. When we see that something is racially problematic, it’s a good thing if we can take action to get that thing out of rotation. More on that later.

Fundamentally, what is happening right now in Media Land is gross sensationalism.

“Cancel culture” isn’t real. Should people face consequences if they say or do racist things? Yes. We should all agree on that. Should we stop publishing books that perpetuate racist stereotypes? Yes. There are plenty of non-racist books that provide an education about racial differences without the added (exceedingly inappropriate) zing of Asian characters being painted yellow and African characters being given monkey features.

If you’re not convinced that some of Dr. Seuss’s material is racially problematic, I encourage you to pop on over to Google to check out the series of ads he did for FLIT in the 1930s. Yes, it was the 1930s. In the last 90 years, we’ve learned that images like that are not okay… let’s use that knowledge to let old racist graphics die.

Still can’t accept that “cancel culture” isn’t real? Still feeling like there’s something in the air now that is different and worse than before?

Okay, then, let’s consider it further.

Things have been “canceled” by people for millennia… this isn’t new. Being all for cancel culture when Colin Kaepernick kneels for the anthem (a perfectly legal form of peaceful protest considered respectful by many veterans) but opposing cancel culture when it’s threatening to eliminate an obviously racist thing is not exactly a moral stance. Burning your Nikes in the street but then turning around and spending $400 on a copy of “If I Ran the Zoo” on eBay after Dr. Seuss’s own family has pulled it from publication due to racist imagery is… silly.

The same people who seem to be so vocal about “cancel culture” now are part of the same communities who tried to cancel plenty of things in my lifetime. Things like trick-or-treating, Harry Potter, school dances, books and movies with LGBT+ characters and themes…

History absolutely bubbles over with things that have been canceled… often for good reason! Some examples that come to mind: 

DDT

the Catholic Church (see the 16th century Protestant Reformation)

doing our everyday poopin’ in outdoor holes

polio

hoop skirts

phrenology (new science cancels old science like every damn day)

Ford Pintos (not to mention cars without seatbelts)

telegrams and rotary phones (replaced by easier and better ways to communicate)

lead paint

asbestos

Four Loco

Y’all remember when we all did the ice bucket challenge to cancel Alzheimer’s?

Learning that something is problematic and moving past it is LEARNING… not cancel culture.  Learning and growth are good things. We all benefit from them.

Another thing worth commenting on from that Cat in the Hat post that circulated in my Facebook feed: why do we consistently demonize sensitivity? Racism feels like something we should all be sensitive about. If being sensitive about something results in meaningful change and a less hateful country, isn’t that… good? Why do so many Americans seem to place so much value on their “freedom” to hurt others?

And don’t get me started on comparing this stuff to Cardi B. It boggles my mind that that’s happening at all. Why is there suddenly so much outcry about one song that features female genitals in a literal ocean of songs that feature male genitals. I grew up knowing every word to songs about sex well before I even knew what sex was. Your kids are only desperate to listen to WAP because they know it makes you squeamish. And take a second to think about why it makes you squeamish. Genitals are human and scientific and we literally all have them. If you have more of a problem with WAP than with any of the other 10,000 songs about dicks and sex, you need to spend some time examining why that is.

Here’s another post I’ve seen bouncing around the social media feeds:

Something about this is just plain hilarious to me. Like what are racism and rape culture if not THE REALEST issues? This country’s problem with systemic racism runs so, so deep and is reflected very plainly in centuries of cold, hard numbers. It’s not that I *think* systemic racism is a problem. The data very clearly shows that regardless of what white people think about race in this country, systemic racism absolutely IS a problem. Racism and rape culture, arguably at the root of the most recent canceling spree, are not just real issues, they’re real American issues. They’re cultural issues. And solving cultural issues is not easy. We know that these issues have been passed down through the generations so maybe changing children’s toys and books and shows isn’t such a bad thing to try. There is SO much work to do to address racism and rape culture in the United States, but small steps are still progress.

If choosing to stop airing a show that blatantly perpetuates rape culture means one less young person is stalked or assaulted or raped, that’s worth it, no? What if that one young person who doesn’t become a victim is your daughter?

If choosing to stop publishing a book with racist themes and images leads to even one kid understanding more about the nuance of race in America and the breath-taking extent of white privilege, that’s worth it too.

Would I rather the media spend time and money to bring American attention to bigger issues associated with this nation’s racism and rape culture? 100%. There are ENORMOUS fish to fry. Dr. Seuss is not an enormous fish. Potato head toys are not enormous fish. Pepe Le Pew is not an enormous fish. They’re not even big fish. They’re small. They’re tiny fish. They’re anchovies. But frying some fish is better than frying no fish.

Canceling Pepe Le Pew is not hurting anyone. Warner Brothers owns Pepe Le Pew. Warner Brothers owns nearly everything; they are not hurting for money. And canceling Pepe certainly isn’t hurting American kids. There are plenty of other kids’ shows to watch that are significantly less problematic. Just because you watched Pepe Le Pew and went on to be a properly respectful adult doesn’t mean there aren’t other kids out there who did internalize a harmful disrespect for consent. No, Pepe Le Pew probably isn’t single-handedly responsible for anyone’s decision to stalk or rape anyone else. But could a show reinforce the groundwork that ultimately leads a kid down a path where he is unable or unwilling to respect the boundaries of others? I mean, it’s not the craziest thing I’ve heard this week.

Canceling six total Dr. Seuss books that are already pretty obscure is not hurting anyone.

Changing the name of an already genderless potato toy to reflect that genderless-ness is not hurting anyone.

A brief recap: racism and rape culture are very real, very American issues.

If the decision to stop doing a thing doesn’t hurt anyone and may even save someone some hurt, why does that decision bother you?

Also, in all your frantic Facebook posting, make sure you are differentiating between “cancel culture” and consequences. When the media tosses around the phrase “cancel culture” it has this tone of finality that is, plainly, not realistic. Fads and trends move so quickly in the internet age that the idea that a group of people could “cancel” something permanently is just not possible. People who do or say racist things, though, should face consequences. People who do or say transphobic or homophobic things should face consequences. Consequences are one of the only ways we learn to do better. And again, that’s not my opinion, it’s science.

One of the consequences that can have the most impact is, you guessed it, losing money! In this capitalist hellscape, money talks. Boycotting and choosing how we spend our money are some of the most engaging ways to combat racist and homophobic garbage. When you have your temper tantrum because the company who owns a book with overtly racist imagery decides to stop publishing that book, that speaks volumes about your priorities. If you respond to that company’s decision by buying the book in question on eBay for $400, that speaks even louder volumes. What are you doing? WHY are you doing it? I’m guessing you don’t even know, and you should probably spend some time thinking about it before you flush away a chunk of your stimmy on a freaking RACIST KIDS’ BOOK.

All actions have consequences. All of our choices never affect just us. How we vote affects other people. How we spend our money affects other people. Spending our money on things that are problematic perpetuates the problem… whether it be racism, rape culture, homophobia, or transphobia… or so many other things this country desperately needs to address.

It’s human to not like change. Change is going to happen, though, regardless of whether or not we’re comfortable with it. In the information age, we have a remarkable opportunity to steer that change. Leaving behind racist relics is change, so it may be inherently uncomfortable. But change that moves our country away from racism and rape culture is GOOD change.

I am begging you. Use critical thinking… if you’re seeing a headline about something being canceled, look up WHY. Some of these headlines are absolute bunk… they’re shared just to get people all riled up and create American division. However, just like we *should* cancel lead paint, a children’s book with overtly racist images shouldn’t be published anymore and it’s weird if you disagree with that. Disagreeing with that decision, as silly as it may seem, perpetuates racism. I know how triggered y’all can get when someone suggests you might be perpetuating racism, but it is what it is. Do your research. Don’t spend your money on racist garbage. Be better.

I feel like this post is me just barking the exact same thing in different ways, but I also feel like there is so much more I could say.

I’ll leave you with this:

What will it take for Americans to weigh the threats of racism and homophobia the same way we weight the threat of lead paint? If it’s a matter of costing lives, well, the numbers speak for themselves.

[wistfulcynic]

What was your favorite part of Moonlight and what were you thinking when you wrote this, my favorite part?

Henry Jones wasn’t quite the same person as Henry Mills or even Henry Swan. Henry Mills was a wide-eyed boy, clinging to hope and belief as his only weapons against the dark curse that surrounded him, Henry Swan was a normal New Yorker. Henry Jones, though, he was a pirate’s son, raised to the cusp of adulthood by a clever and dangerous man, taught by him the knack of survival and perseverance when all the power and all the odds were arrayed against him. Henry Jones was a risk taker with no patience for bullshit who would do whatever was necessary to save the people he loved, just like his dad. Henry Jones could infiltrate this school and this town and gather the intel they needed to break the curse. He grinned to himself. Henry Jones looked forward to the challenge.

Oh, this is a fantastic question and also very difficult because I love so much about Their Way By Moonlight. It was a labour of love from beginning to end. 

One of my favourite elements of it is Killian in the Land Without Magic. I just love the idea of him learning to adapt to it and finding some things he completely loves and others he finds ridiculous. I definitely am one of those who believes that he would catch on pretty quickly to most things--he’s smart and adaptable and he would read the instruction manuals. But I also think there are some things he would have no use for or see the point of. 

I also loved writing canon CS in a functional, committed relationship that didn’t include any of the elements of S5 or S6. In Moonlight they love each other deeply and support each other completely but they also argue and butt heads because they have different outlooks and strategies. I loved writing Emma insisting on going charging into Storybrooke when they discover the new curse, and Killian telling her she’s being rash and hasty but knowing he can’t stop her. So instead he just insists that she be as prepared as possible before she goes, and gives her the key that ends up breaking the memory curse on her. Then after that she actually starts listening to him and following his strategies, because she’s learned that he is usually right about some things and her gut instincts aren’t always the best guides for action. While he continues with his absolute faith in her and her abilities that gives her the confidence she needs. They are genuine partners who learn from each other and work together and trust the other absolutely and I just love that so much. 

The final thing I love is the backstory with Killian and Oisín and Neverland. I love their complicated relationship and how it balances respect and genuine affection with an almost complete lack of trust and a 100% necessary betrayal that hurts them both but that they can ultimately move past. I love how Oisín is honourable in his own way but also kind of a dick, and I love the idea of Neverland being a more complex and interesting place than what we saw in the show, because I honestly cannot get behind the idea that Killian spent 300 years sailing in circles around the same small island, occasionally coming ashore to stomp angstily through jungle and lose crewmen in the Echo Caves. So I gave him other things to do, and other potential allies besides Pan. 

As for the bit you quoted, it comes from something I’ve believed since I read it first in Anne of Green Gables--that names are incredibly important. Anne insisted on having her name spelled with an -e because she couldn’t make herself feel like an “Ann”. As someone with a common name, I related to that *hard*-- so much that I changed the spelling of my name when I was 16. It used to be Sarah, but Saira was who I discovered that I preferred to be, and she’s a very different person to who Sarah was. So when I was writing Henry and thinking about his various surnames it just seemed right that he would have a different image of himself with each one. And also I wanted to show the influence Killian had on him, how he had really become a true father figure to Henry--because the Captain Cobra was of course a huge element of this fic, and to properly do it justice it couldn’t be just from Killian’s side. Killian and Henry were left alone with only each other when they barely had a relationship but they forged one together, and grew to love each other because they chose to. The main reason for that was because Killian saw Henry as a person and not just as a kid, and treated him with respect while also setting the boundaries that kids need--not because he had any clue what kids need but because that’s how he ran his ship and handled his crew. He treated Henry as a crewmate without presuming anything about what their stepfather/stepson relationship should be, and as a result Henry came to respect him to the point where he wanted to emulate him and really took to heart the things Killian had to teach him. And that’s what we see demonstrated in his ideas about himself and his identity with Killian’s surname. 

SORRY FOR THE WALL OF TEXT. If you don't want WALLS OF TEXT don't ask me about Moonlight!! 

(though if for some reason you enjoy WALLS OF TEXT then by all means, bring on the Moonlight questions!!) 

-

fanfic writer Friday, chaps! Come and ask me anything! 

[writers-block246]

Bucky Barnes x Reader Fanfiction - The Light Amidst My Darkness

Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5

Warning: Mentions of mental illness. I tried to present Bucky’s challenges as accurately as possible. However, if anyone has some suggestions as to better portray his illness and resulting therapy, please lmk! (I researched to depict his struggle with mental illness and the type of therapy he would recieve as accurately as I could). Curse words are also included.

Notes: Italics are thoughts and emphasis. Set before Infinity War and Endgame. Slow burn.

——————————————————————————

Chapter 1:

Your heels clicked on the cold marble tile as you strode towards your office. You unconsciously took a sharp turn down one of the compound’s hallways, caught up in your own little world. Thoughts swam in your head as you tried to make sense of the day’s tasks. I have a session with Wanda at 9:30, a meeting with my boss at 11, another session at 3. Did I mention lunch? What am I doing for that? A salad? A burge-

Your thoughts were interrupted by a cacophony of sounds floating down to you from the second floor’s overhang. Reflexively, your head shot up to determine the source of the ruckus. Almost immediately, your eyes met with cold icy blue ones. The Winter Soldier. Or the White Wolf, whatever they were calling him these days. Throughout the past few weeks, you had only come across the man (super soldier?) a few times. But now, in the middle of the hallway, his stare had stopped you right in your tracks. Suddenly, you recalled the details on his file. You had been given the information, which you had placed with the rest of the teams’s files, when he first officially joined the team and came to stay at the tower. Credited with over 100 assassinations of government officials, ranging across various countries. Charged with multiple war crimes. Cybernetic left arm. Enhanced abilities, including superhuman strength. Russian spy skilled in hand-to-hand combat and the use of many weapons. Simply put, the man was deadly. A shiver ran through you, images of the acts he had committed flitted through your mind. You couldn’t help but feel a sense of trepidation toward him. Enough in fact, to make you want to exit the area as quickly as possible.

You caught yourself. It wasn’t professional for you, a psychotherapist, to let emotions take over your rationale. Nor should you make judgments without having even truly met the man. Not to mention, Steve Rogers, a.k.a. Captain America, had defended James Barnes multiple times. And if there was anyone you trusted completely, it was the Captain. So, you would trust his judgement of character here. Steeling yourself under the assassin’s intense gaze, you nodded to him and continued on your way to your office.

As you walked along, you thought about all James Buchanan Barnes had went through. Flung from a train, captured by Hydra, and brainwashed to become the exact thing he had fought against. You wondered what it felt like to be at someone’s mercy with the mere utterance of a few words. Forced to commit deeds you never would on your own, awakening to the aftermath. Even worse, you thought, to be pitted against your closest friend, facing off from different parts of the battlefield. To be a twisted version of what made Captain America so great.

You decided to cut Mr. Barnes some slack. He had been through enough.

With that final thought, you stepped into your office.

Wanda Maximoff sat in her usual chair, patiently awaiting your arrival. Upon hearing you enter, she looked up from her phone and gave you a smile. “Heya, Doc.”

You couldn’t help but grin in response. “Hello, Wanda. How are you today?”

And with that, your first session of the day began. However, your mind kept wandering to those piercing blue eyes. You couldn’t deny that the soldier was handsome, incredibly so, actually. Tall, strongly built, and with those pretty blue eyes and dark hair. No matter how many times you tried to prevent your mind from replaying the scene in the hallway, you still found yourself getting distracted.

Wanda seemed to notice. “Are you okay Y/N? You seem a little off today?”

Shaking your head a little to relieve yourself of those distracting thoughts, you replied: “I’m fine, Wanda. I appreciate you asking, though.”

Its not like me to get distracted, especially during my job.

“Of course. We are friends, you know.”

You chuckled. “I know. But right now, I’m your therapist. So keep talking.”

“If I do, will you listen this time?” She said with a smirk.

You decided to ignore that comment. “So how would you describe your state of mind these past few days?”

Wanda gave a slight laugh, knowing what you were doing. However, she cut you a break and continued your conversation.

The minutes passed by with little to no thought of James Barnes, and soon, your therapy session had ended.

“Alright, that’s it. I’ll see you again at 3pm Thursday.”

She smiled. “Sounds good, Doc.”

You said your goodbyes as you walked her to the door of your office. Once she left, you sighed and sat down at your desk. You checked the clock: 10:42. You groaned. Eighteen minutes until your meeting. While contemplating the advantages and disadvantages of faking an illness (the flu? Chicken pox? The plague?), a notification popped up on your phone. Checking it, you realized it was an email from your boss:

Good Morning, Y/N!

I just wanted to let you know that our meeting has been cancelled. Director Fury said he needs to speak with you. 11 sharp.

Have a good day!

-Katherine Newman

Dread settled in the pit of your stomach. What could Fury want with me? You hardly ever spoke with the Director unless it had to do with one of your clients. Was this it? Am I getting fired? Is this because of me zoning out today? Did Wanda say something to him? No, no she would never sell me out like that.

You tried to calm your racing nerves. You were overreacting, you knew, but Fury had a way of intimidating people. Unclenching your fists, you swallowed and checked the clock once more: 10:45. 15 minutes. 15 minutes until you had to see Fury face to face.

15 minutes to make yourself presentable and cross the entire tower.

Shit!

Grabbing your things quickly, you made for the door. Heels clacking loudly against the floor, you began a fast pace toward Fury’s office. There was no way you could be late to a meeting with him of all people. The minutes it took to reach his workplace felt like hours due to your frantic worries. Finally, your eyes met with the name plaque on his door: Nick Fury.

Smoothing down your skirt, you took a deep breath and knocked. A muffled ‘enter’ was your response. Another deep breath and you were opening the door, only to be met with the same icy blue eyes from earlier.

There, sitting in front of Fury’s desk, was the object of your obsession for the past few hours: James Buchanan Barnes. The Winter Soldier.

Once more, you found yourself floored by the man’s intensity. This time, however, it was Fury’s voice that brought you back to the present.

“Have a seat, Miss Y/L/N.”

Only hesitating slightly, you closed the door behind you and headed to the seat next to Bucky. You made sure to not balk when taking the seat next to him, however, as you did not want him to think you feared him.

Once you were settled, Fury cleared his throat. “I’m sure you’re wondering why I had your meeting cancelled today.”

“Yes, sir,” you hesitantly replied.

“I’ve called you here to introduce you to your new patient.”

. . . new . . . patient?

Despite your confused appearance, Fury continued on. “He has to be cleared before he can go on any missions. Your sessions with Mr. Barnes will begin Friday.”

You felt James’s gaze on you. An unnamed feeling spread across your body.

He’s waiting for my reaction, you realized. He wants to see how I’ll respond to having to work with him.

Drawing strength from every professional fiber of your body, you prepared yourself and smiled. “Sounds good to me, Director Fury. Do you have a specific time in mind?”

His response was curt. “2:30pm.”

You smiled again, desperate to hide your nerves. “I’ll schedule it right away, sir.”

“Good.”

Ignoring Fury’s usual bluntness, you turned to James. “I look forward to working with you, Mr. Barnes.”

There was a hint of surprise in his expression, but he schooled himself quickly. Nodding, he turned back to Fury.

You didn’t take offense at his brusque nature. It was commonplace, you knew, for those that struggled with mental illness to behave in a blunt or off-kilter way. Instead, you made a mental note to express happiness at being around him. It would do him good for him to know people can be comfortable, and even look forward to, him being around.

(Even if I’m not totally comfortable).

Fury turned to look at James. “That’s all, Mr. Barnes. Remember your appointment, and I know you are aware of her office’s location.”

Was that . . . a . . . teasing tone of voice?

Even better, you could have sworn a light blush had settled on the soldier’s cheeks.

Nodding once more, James rose and strode out of the room.

Again, you were not put off by his behavior, as you had seen similar conduct from your other patients. Instead, you wondered about the odd exchange between Mr. Barnes and Fury. Am I missing something?

Your gaze settled back on Fury. “Was there a reason you had my meeting cancelled, Director Fury? Not to be disrespectful, but couldn’t you’ve just had me meet you later, sir?”

He chuckled. “Well sure, but that wouldn’t get you out of your meeting would it?”

You laughed, and felt the tension that you hadn’t even realized was still there release from your shoulders.

“It’s much appreciated, Director Fury.”

“No problem. And kid?”

“Yes, sir?”

“Get back to work.”

You scrambled for your things. “Yep, sure thing, sir.”

Headed toward the door, you gave one last look behind you. “Have a good day, sir.”

“Goodbye, kid.”

“Y-yep. Goodbye,” you stuttered.

You stepped out of his office and shut the door behind you. Breathing a sigh of relief, you made your way back to your office.

-Admin Cheyenne

More to come!!

[studentofshinto]

Introduction to Shimenawa and Torii

And now I can finally get to what I wanted to talk about when I started my last info dump, the entrance to a Shinto Shrine. The Entrance to a Shinto Shrine is almost always marked by a Torii gate. But not always. Sometimes the entrance will be marked by a pair of lone posts, post connected by a Shimenawa rope, or a pair of trees linked with a Shimenawa rope. At the moment it would seem these are also referred to as torii when used to mark the approach of a shrine even though these gateways would not be recognizable as torii by most outside of Japan. The rope is usually made from rice straw, but can be made of hemp and even plastics. https://www.japanvisitor.com/japanese-culture/shimenawa

The use of plastic is a fairly modern practice. Rice and hemp will last about three years as I recall, depending on the environment, where plastic can last decades. The reason for using rice has nothing to do with a shortage of rice straw and everything to do with a shortage of people who know how to make the straw ropes. In early times rope might be used to mark out a property line. In order to distinguish between a property line and a sacred space straw tassels or paper strips (shide), or a combination of the two would be used. The shide are those little zigzag strips. The number and placing typically depends on the size and length of the rope as well as the custom of a given shrine and it’s intended use. The Shimenawa with shide is used for purification as well as marking out a sacred space. Plots of land will be marked with shimenawa prior to use, shimenawa can be used on torii, to encircle trees, mark out processional lanes, provide purification in shopping arcades, they may be used in the home for purification on new years, and placed in front of the household Shinto shrine known as a Kamidana. Oh, and if it’s available for sale on line it’s for primarily decoration use. The number of shide attached to the Shimenawa for home use will typically be three to four, but that’s not a hard and fast rule only a recommendation as an especially large shimenawa for home use could have up to five while a small one may only fit two. Recommendations regarding the placement of tassles and shide may be shrine specific as well. Shide can be displayed either in front of tassels or between. A quick online image search will show you that shide are normally attached between the tassels by most shrines but may also be placed directly in front of the tassels. Shimenawa come in a seemingly endless variety which each shrine having their own preferences. https://www.nippon.com/en/views/b05204/

From Wikipedia, a New Years decoration attached in place of the usual shide. By katorisi - Own work, CC BY 3.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=3323326 When used specifically for New Year’s festivities the Shiminawa may be displayed with oranges, fern, pine branches, and other festive ornamentation.

Keep in mind that there are two types of household shrines, the Shinto Kamidana and the Buddhist family alter.

Shimekazari (注連飾り) is a special type of Shimenawa that is looped.

The torii depicted is one I made, the Shimekazari on it came from the Portland Japanese Garden in Portland, Oregon. The entire arrangement was for New Years in 2018.

And now onto the Torii. Torii are nowhere near as endless in variety as shimenawa are. In deed there seems to be only about a dozen basic design shapes if we discount the wide verity of garden decor all claiming to be torii. As for the origin of torii, I’m inclined to think that the Japanese Torii originated independently to be influenced by Chinese design and aesthetics.  

The most basic torii is the Shinmei torii. To build one you need two posts with a shimenawa stretched between also known as a chūren, or three logs and a board. Two logs for the upright, one log stretched across the top, and the board fitted between the uprights just a little lower than the top log, called a nuki. The Ise torii adds a section to protect the top crosspiece. This is the roof of the structure and called a kasagi. The entire top section is referred to as the Kasagi when it’s all one piece, otherwise that top section includes the Kasagi and the shimaki. Next in line is the Kashima torii, followed by Kasuga, Hachimon, and the Mihashira torii.

The Tōhafu torii seems to be it’s own unique style demonstrating both traditional and Chinese influences.

The Mihashira torii also known as the mitsubashira torii and sankaku torii. This torii is unique in that it has three posts, three nuki, and three kasagi. Only one is publicly accessible that I’m aware of, it has a cairn at its base as well. According to Janus: records also state that the three pillars symbolize the heavens, earth and mankind. There is also a reference in the record which asserts that this torii had a connection with Nestorianism, Keikyou 景教, an ancient Christian sect which thrived for about 800 years in the Near East and Central Asia. It is possible that the three-pillared torii may have had a Christian connotation. http://www.aisf.or.jp/~jaanus/deta/m/mihashiratorii.htm

For this reason the three-pillared torii has become rather controversial and has been denounced world wide by the very community who now clamor for everything Shinto. Looking on the internet I found at least two sites that look to be accessible but I have yet to verify this. Whether or not the possible connection to Nestorianism is real is immaterial. To practice Shinto is to accept all faiths, consider all possibilities, and to strive to live in harmony. It is only the destructive habits and teachings that are to be challenged and set aside.

After these we start seeing torii that show Chinese influence with upturned ends on the kasagi. These are the Myōjin family of torii wich include the basic Myōjin style, the Nakayama, Daiwa also known as the Inari torii, Ryōbu, Miwa, Usa,Nune, Sannō, and Hizen. Each having it’s unique differences.

Torii can be made of just about anything. Wood is the most popular, followed by stone and then iron. Some notable torii is the large speaker torii in Kamiyama, Tokushima, the Grecian inspired torii made by Kyoto artist Doumoto Insho which stands in the now abandoned Oiwa Jinja, the Motoki Torii which is a massive stone carved torii, the Otorii at Kumano Hongū Taisha which is 33.9 meters tall and 42 meters wide and the largest in the world, floating torii of Itsukushima Shrine on Miyajima, and finally I’m going to conclude this list with the One legged torii of Nagasaki. The one legged torii of Nagasaki is a survivor of the atomic blast and has become a sacred sight in its own right.

Image from Pinterest. Original source unknown.

One final note before this gets way too long. Expect to find torii and even shrines in unusual places if you ever get a chance to go to Japan. I will admit that I myself have yet to have the opportunity, but I’ve scoured the internet long enough to know that urban sprawl has on occasion completely enveloped shrines. In many ways I am lucky to live in the Pacific Northwest where there is a shrine even though I can’t go to it right now. I am hopeful that 2021 turns out better than the previous year.

I ran across the term chūren just as I was getting ready to post and found the above infographic that has most of the basic styles. Finding good solid info from reliable sources can be difficult. The practice of search engines to decide it knows better by delivering what it wants as apposed to what we are actually searching for can make some searches near impossible. The internet is also full of blogs written by people who just discovered the “New Faith” [face palms]. Yes, I actually saw someone referring to Shinto as a new faith. Um, no, it’s hundreds, perhaps even thousands of years old.

What I want for you as the reader is to have the tools to be able to do informed research of your own. Don’t be afraid to ask questions of others. Be weary of anyone who is dogmatic in their thinking. And finally, always remember that Shinto is a culturally sensitive tradition with many facets. If it’s not of Japanese origin, it’s probably not part of Shinto and shouldn't be mixed.