#other day i was at a store w my mom and there was a weird sound at the help desk like a jingle or a ringer

[jewfrogs]

i wish i had whatever is in other peoples brains that lets them easily tune out repetitive noises

[lowkeyrobin]

hiii! hope you’re having a good day/night/whatever :D i was wondering if you could do something where the reader was fives (almost ?) s/o and then after learning about him and lila theyre upset. and then reader and diego sort of bond over the feeling and find solace in their friendship with each other. i mean this in like a thing for diego sort of way, the five thing is just a backstory. sorry if this is hard to understand english is hard

oooo okay this is cool!! ; and don't worry it's not hard to understand at all! your English is very good 🫶 ; but we are gonna pretend five wasn't trapped in his teenage body for all the time reader would've known him or wtv 💀 cause the physical and mental gap between diego and five is diabolical and idk how else to make it not weird. I usually say and enforce that I won't recognize the five/lila thing as canon but this is relevant to the story and I need diego requests lol. ; but uh yeah!! thank you for requesting, I hope you enjoy!! ; also the ending part lowkey sucks I'm sorry

DIEGO HARGREEVES ; it's called moving on

summary ; after Five and Lila get trapped in the subway, they have a double affair on you and Diego. after saving the world, you both bond over it and move on (to each other)

warnings ; language, cheating, arguing / physical fighting, knives, alcohol

disclaimers ; five is in the physical body of a 30-ish year old to make this not creepy as hell on any parts. I have a distinct hatred for whatever tf happened w Lila and Five so don't expect to see anything nice about them... ; also reader is a sparrow, didn't wanna get incest-y in here...

word count ; 1.5k

masterlist

Klaus, Allison, and Luther sit on the couch, watching over the kids while you and Diego rush to the door. Five and Lila had been MIA for hours now, you were both growing worried. Luckily, it was them standing at the doorstep.

"Where've you been?" Diego asks, slightly worried. "It's been hours"

"Seven, at that" you raise an eyebrow at Five. "You've never just gone MIA for that long. Did you find anything out on how to stop all this shit? Cause we did"

Five is unable to look you in the eye. "Uh, not really. What'd you learn?"

"Well, for one, Dad's alive, so is our mother... I think?" you begin, pulling him inside. "She's not really our mom, but she's Dad's wife, or whatever. Our actual birth mother's are alive in this timeline. And your Ben died because your Reginald shot him in the head! We think fate is coming together cause my Ben and Jennifer are together and we have to stop them-"

Diego and Lila step in behind you, joining you all in the living room. Lila's family stand in the kitchen, coming together to make some Christmas dinner food for the upcoming days. You can't help but notice both Five and Lila can't look you in the eye, how they look tired and haven't spoken damn near a word.

You four stand in the middle of the living room, shoes off to Lila's family's rules, your socks digging into the carpet. Allison, Luther, and Klaus part their attention between the kids and you four.

Diego looks down at Lila's wrist, seeing a glare from the sunlight outside on something she was wearing. He quickly grabs her wrist, confused of what she could've been wearing, as she didn't like bracelets, at least not store bought ones. She wouldn't have gone on a run to get herself a bracelet, right? I mean, what?

Diego furrows his brows at her while you press a chaste kiss to Five's forehead.

"I thought you hated bracelets?" Diego mutters, grabbing the attention of the siblings who sit on the couch.

Lila looks at him with fake confusion, trying to brush it off. "No, I don't"

"Yeah, you do" Diego nods. "I got you one for Valentine's Day and you traded it in for a Dyson vacuum."

You and Five look to Diego and Lila, listening in.

Lila is silent. "I don't like store bought ones. I kept the bracelet you made for me in that mental institution"

She had him on that one.

"Who made it, then?" Diego asks firmly.

She's silent. Five looks away from Diego.

Diego looks to him, then back at Lila. He frees Lila's wrist from his grasp, staring Five down. You look between him, Diego, and Lila, connecting the dots.

"Five?" You question, eyebrows furrowed, your voice unsure.

Diego reaches for his back pocket.

Five stuffs his hands in his pockets, head held low.

"Is there something going on between you two?" Diego asks nervously, looking between Five and Lila.

"Diego-" Lila speaks

"Holy shit, wow" Diego scoffs, looking down at her.

Klaus' jaw drops, Luther and Allison beside him share shocked expressions. You look back at the three, unable to react as you're caught frozen in the moment.

"Woah"

"Holy shit"

"I didn't see that one coming"

"Holy shit, I was right" Diego looks between the two, "I knew you were cheating on me!"

You shove Five into the wall, far enough away from the TV and the kids to not effect them physically. Diego hurls a knife at him, just missing his skull by a few centimeters, a purposeful act. He merely did it to scare Five. The knife creates a hole in the wall and a loud thudding noise that catches the family's attention.

Diego turns his attention back to Lila, you looking over your shoulder to listen. "I knew you were cheating on me at that book club"

Lila sighs. "I wasn't cheating on you... not when you thought I was"

You turn back to Five, lips slightly parted, your expression soft yet heavy. He isn't able to speak a word to you. He steps away from the stabbed wall, walking toward you. He reaches for you and you push him away.

"Y/n-"

"No!" you shudder, then speak firmly. "Get away." you back away toward Diego, unable to look at him.

"Maybe we should go-" Luther speaks, seeing how the three were witnessing an awful thing right now.

"No, we're not going anywhere" Allison replies, an arm over him to prevent him from going anywhere.

Diego steps forward, looking at Five in the eye. "Five, did you s-k-r-e-w my wife?" he spells out 'screw' since a bunch of kids under thirteen sit no more than six feet away.

"Screw is spelled s-c-r-e-w" Grace chimes in with a smile, unaware of the situation because of her small little mind.

Klaus snorts, failing at holding back laughter. Allison bites her tongue while Luther deeply sighs, keeping his laughter at bay.

Five bites his lip before slowly nodding.

"What the fuck?!" you exclaim, slinging a quick punch to his face, causing his nose to bleed.

He groans, holding a hand to his nose. He doesn't rebute, knowing he deserved that and much more.

"Are you kidding me?" you question, looking between Five and Lila. "What the actual shit is wrong with you two?!"

Lila's family peers through the kitchen door, halfway understanding what you all were saying as they weren't perfectly fluent with English. You wished you could speak Punjabi to tell them how their daughter cheated and how your boyfriend was a fucking homewrecker.

"Y/n, please," Lila speaks, trying to calm you, holding a hand out to you.

You slap her hand away, and back up toward the siblings on the couch. Klaus holds a hand over his mouth, Luther watches in silence, Allison bites her tongue.

"You're fucking unbelievable."

You cut contact with Five, Diego cut most contact with Lila and kept the kids 70% of the time. Lila paid child support, the extent of their conversations other than the kids.

It'd been a few years since your brother had to be killed. You'd been struggling a lot. In between Ben's death and the whole Five and Lila thing, you weren't okay, you didn't think you ever would be.

Most the family didn't talk to either one after the whole incident. They'd luckily sided with you and Diego. Allison still talked to Lila, but she'd created herself a whole new life, so the two didn't talk that much.

Life moves on, shit happens.

You lived near Diego, the two of you often going out with the kids to still create some sort of happy family dynamic for them. From lunch to movies, to road trips and rollercoasters, you'd do anything for those kids. You felt so bad knowing there was no way to repair Diego and Lila's relationship, wishing the kids got to have more time as a proper family.

Diego sat with you on the couch, no kids in trail this time. They were with Lila this weekend. Fruity concoctions rest in your hands, the television in front of you playing some dumbass action movie.

"People clearly don't like three children on the man they're going on a date with," Diego chuckles. "My kids come first, sorry."

You smile. "At least you're humbled and know what you're living for, what's important."

He raises an eyebrow, confused about what you're implying.

You see that look and clarify. "I dunno what I'm living for anymore. My brother's dead. My ex cheated on me and all I feel is fucking angry day in and day out. I don't know anymore"

Diego's face grows soft. "Moving on isn't easy."

You nod. "It's harder to do it alone"

He's silent for a moment before speaking up. "Maybe we don't have to do it alone?"

You raise an eyebrow. "What're you implying, Di?"

He shrugs, looking into your eyes. "Whatever you want to think I'm implying"

"...but the kids, that's gonna be so confusing-"

"You love the kids. I know you do. Otherwise, you wouldn't have been on all these adventures with us, you wouldn't have asked me yourself to make plans and come over. I know you feel the way I do."

You're both quiet, thinking over your own and the other's words.

"Maybe" you shrug.

"Maybe? I'm allowed to get my hopes up?"

"Calm down, pal" you chuckle. "Not so soon, let's like... ask the kids. I'd feel bad not asking how they felt. They're my priority, they come before us"

Diego nods. "Glad you feel that way. We should get married ASAP." he chuckles, nudging you with his shoulder.

You smile, taking a sip of your beverage. "Feels wrong to even think about this, y'know?"

"It's called moving on. It's normal, I promise"

[moolovesyou]

winter break | angus tully x reader

a/n: writing this as a bounce back from the 5 hours of writing i deleted on accident. expect that to be rewritten sometime but not soon bc im sad abt it. this took way too long. could you tell that I am writing this from a place that does NOT snow?

s: a festive day in the life with your childhood best friend angus tully.

w: cursing, angus's dad mention, slightest angst okay.

wc: 4.3k.

Christmas lights got put up a couple weeks too early. The snow has piled up a few inches. All the stores play jolly music. Nights consist of hot chocolate and a need for a baked cookie. The evening is dark and still.

It's that time of the year when I wake up and the birds haven't chirped a 'hello'. There is this weird feeling I get in December. I know it comes every year, but I still get surprised at the foreign silence of a winter morning.

I slip out of bed. The floor is cold against the soles of my feet. A single glance outside the window and I could barely recognize my backyard under the layer of pearly white snow.

Today isn't just any day in December. It's the first official day of winter break from Wickline Academy. The possibilities of things to do in my leisure are endless. Holiday movies, festive dancing, genuine productive chores (boring). But, there's only one goal I have.

Today, I'm going to put up the Christmas tree. It's gonna be a blast. I can put one of my records on the record player to set the mood. I can color coordinate the ornaments. The wrapping of the lights around the tree is my favorite part. That's what I'm going to do.

Or at least, that was what I was going to do. Until there was a knock at my door.

I shimmied over to the front door. I could barely see the silhouette, but a tall figure stood on the other side. With a slow twist of the knob, I pulled open the door.

Shivering like a chihuahua was Angus Tully. He was stood on my doorstep with pink cheeks and crossed arms. It seems he had just woken up, still wearing plaid pajama pants and white shirt. His hair was all frizzy and tousled.

You see, this was a bit of a surprise.

Sure, Angus Tully has been my neighbor since I could pull up my own pants. My parents saw him as their own. We had lots of hang outs in my backyard growing up. He was the only kid on the block who would genuinely want to play with me. He was the sweetest and craziest at the same time. One day he had dropped my bright pink bunny plush into a dirty puddle. All I remember was him hugging me while I cried. I even remember a few of the Christmases when his dad still had his last shred of sanity. One time he had to spend Christmas Eve with us because his dad had locked him out of the house in fear that he was an intruder. That was one of the last Christmases with him.

The thing is we've grown now. We don't spend as much time together. Especially after Stanley came into the picture and his mom was never home for any of the breaks. He'd always be at Barton. I would be lying if I said I didn't miss him and his witty demeanor. So, to see him on my doorstep after months of zero genuine conversation left me just a little shocked.

"Are you gonna let me in? I'm freezing my sack out here." Tully huffed, snapping me out of my inquisitive daze. His brown eyes were wide, but they had that traditional puppy stare. The stare that always held the phrase 'please'. He got away with a lot of stuff as a kid because of that.

I stepped aside and rushed him inside.

"Are you out of your mind, Tully? I'm not gonna be responsible if you turn into an icicle." I sat him on my couch and wrapped a blanket around him.

"An attitude like that puts you on the naughty list, Y/N." He smiled cheekily. His eyes still squinted when he grinned. It was reassuring. I guess that never changed.

I rolled my eyes, "Hello, Angus. How are you doing?" I spoke in a mocking tone. He poked his tongue out at me.

"I'm doing better now that I'm here. What about you?" He hugged the blanket tighter around himself. I narrowed my gaze at him.

"I'm feeling very confused because the last time you came to my house you still didn't know how to tie a tie." I scoffed. Maybe, just maybe, I was a little upset. Angus had a hard childhood. He had to leave a lot of things behind. I just wish one of those things wasn't me.

The truth is I still saw him around. Barton academy held events with Wickline Academy. We would say a small 'hi' here and there at choir recitals and fundraisers. I couldn't help but feel like he had gotten too cool for me. Now, here he was, sat in my living room in the middle of December.

His face scrunched up. A bit of guilt rested in his furrowed brows. He pushed a curly strand out of his eye.

"I'm here to fix that." Angus exhaled. His pink lips pursed in concentration. "I'm sorry, Y/N. Things just went by too fast. Too fast for me to comprehend. I had a wake up call last winter break though."

I raised a brow.

"You have every reason to be upset. I'll just have to say sorry a bajillion times for every reason." He scratched his stubbly chin. "Friends? Again?"

I stared at him. He batted his eyelashes comically. Oh, whatever. It's Angus, after all. When we were 10, I never lasted more than 5 minutes of being mad at him. I sighed dramatically.

"Friends."

He jumped up with a holler. His arms stretched up into the air, throwing the blanket onto the couch cushions. He had definitely grown. I glanced down to see his shirt had lifted slightly, exposing his pale skin and a cheeky little happy trail. My breath hitched.

I can't deny the butterflies fluttering aggressively in my stomach. As a kid, I had the slightest crush on him. He had me kicking my feet on the swing set as he pushed me. I had buried that down though with insults and insecurity building remarks. But, once again, we're not kids anymore. An insult from Angus Tully right now might actually make me like him more.

"Wait, so is that it? You could've just called me." I looked up at him. With how much I have to crane my neck to make eye contact with him, I hope I get a chiropractor for Christmas.

His smile grew. It went from a genuine grin, to something downright mischievous.

"Of course there's more. Y/N, it's the first day of winter break. With our newfound rekindling relationship, we must adventure. Carpe diem." Angus sung with excitement. He reached his hand out to me. Slim fingers and trimmed nails.

"Will you join me?"

"A lot of exhausting requests today, Tully." I joked.

"That's not an answer." He raised his brows.

"What's the plan? I mean, where are we going today?"

"Leave that to me." He winked. "Now, what do you say?"

I bit my lip.

"Okay."

"Okay?"

"Okay! I'll join you." I laughed. He laughed with me. It was a genuine laugh. It came from his chest, rumbling and echoing in the room. It was a sound I had missed. The birds were missing on this silent morning, but this filled that void right up.

On that note, Angus Tully went back to his house to get ready (only when I physically pushed him out the door). I glanced at the bare Christmas tree screaming to be adorned. I guess you'll have to wait.

Without the spinning whirlpool that is Angus Tully in the room, it had finally settled in my head. I was going to spend a whole day with Angus. Sharp-witted, cocky, childhood best friend Angus. My heart hasn't slowed down since I saw him at the door.

We had agreed to meet on my porch once again in 30 minutes. The weather was exceptionally. . . tit-freezing today. I put on the thickest coat in my closet, the softest pair of mittens, a pair of particularly unattractive fleece pants, and the chunkiest rain boots in my closet. My only scarf, the ratty and aged pink scarf, was nowhere to be found when repetitive obnoxious knocking brought me rushing downstairs.

I threw the door open. Angus stood, slightly out of breath, with a shit-eating grin plastered on his red face.

"You ready?" He nodded towards the snow.

"Can I at least get a sneak preview to your journey, captain?" I questioned. He pursed his lips once again, scratching his neck.

"Just for you." Angus teased, nudging me with his shoulder. I bit my lip to prevent the growing smile from showing. "First on the list, we must sculpt."

"What?"

Angus pointed to the snowy ground. He shifted his arms to form a big circle. Then, branched his arms out like a tree. I squinted my eyes. Tully threw his arms up in defeat.

"A snowman!" He yelped.

"What are we, 7?" I giggled.

"For today, fuck yeah."

The snow had started to fall on us. His curls were covered by the glassy flakes. He covered his face with his gloved hands, blowing his hot breath for any morsel of warmth. Then, he got to work.

Angus did all the dirty work. He'd heave these big piles of freezing snow, while I patted it down. It was like watching a gazelle. He would skip around my lawn from pile to pile. My cheeks were practically frozen in a smile. He dropped the second pile of snow, the torso of our fucked little snowman, onto the bottom portion.

"Look at you Tully. Not a little prepubescent kid anymore." I snarked at him. His red cheeks burned impossibly brighter.

"Don't act like you aren't swooned." Angus said, with another one of his award-winning smiles. He pretended to flex his biceps. My heart was truly taunted by him. How did he grow up to be so. . . utterly mesmerizing? I shouldn't be thinking about him like this. It was admiration with an aftertaste of guilt.

We finally put the head of the snowman on. This little guy stood at 4 feet tall and veered slightly to the left. Tully had found the two girthiest sticks on the lawn, and announced our snowman 'super jacked'. We used rocks to craft a face.

"Put it there." Angus whined.

"What? No! Our snowman is gonna look sad."

"Of course he is! he's made from the floor. Don't stomp on my creativity."

We bickered like that for a while. Ultimately, we settled on the wonky, depressed snowman. The frown was far too spaced out. The 'eyes' were two pinecones facing in complete opposite directions. Angus had the bright idea of poking a hole in the face for the nose. We stepped back to admire our art.

"What should we name it?" I glanced up at Angus. His hands rested in his pockets as he hunched over slightly.

"Walleye." He mumbled. I thought he was joking but his face was solemn.

"Walleye it is." I smiled at him. "What now?"

Before I could turn, a swift damp ball of snow crashed into the side of my face. I gasped. Angus's face was feigned with innocence, but his mittens were still moist.

"You little-" I huffed and charged at him.

"I'M NOT SORRY!" Angus hollered, attempting to run away. His lanky legs got the best of him however, when he tripped over a stick hidden in the snow. He ate a face full of snow. I howled in laughter, falling to my knees beside him.

"Are you okay?" I snorted. I lifted his head by his hair out of the ground. He rested his head on his arms. Snow was stuck to his face. "You got a little something."

I reached my hand forward, wiping the snow off his face. His eyes stayed open, never dropping his gaze from me. Even through my mittens, I could feel the heat radiating off his cheeks. The more he looked at me through his lashes, the more trouble I had breathing. His eyes scanned me quizzically, until his head perked up.

"You're missing your scarf."

"Yeah." I spoke barely above a whisper. "You remember that thing?"

"Of course." He said matter-of-factly, but with a soft sense of pride.

We sat in the cold snow for a second reminiscing on that fact. I remember getting dressed by my parents, almost always trying to dart out the door without my scarf and coat to see Angus.

"We should go inside before we freeze over solid here." Angus stood up, brushing the snow off of his clothes. He grabbed my hands and lifted me to my feet. We ran inside shivering.

The two of us sat on the couch in front of the fireplace. We huddled together, but not too close. I fear if I sat shoulder to shoulder I might combust into fiery shreds of teenage hormones.

"Sooo. . . Should I make us some hot chocolate?" I offered. He turned to me. Our faces were somewhat close. Closer than I've ever been with anyone else. I could feel his breath wafting into my face. It was minty. He blinked slowly, eyeing me in a glossed over daze.

He snapped out of it. "Um- Yeah. Yes. Sorry." Angus muttered. I sat for for a couple more seconds.

"Can I suggest something for our adventure?" I chewed on my lip.

"Hmmm. . . Sorry, what was that? I don't think I was properly addressed." He turned away and held his hand to his ear, sitting up straight. He was still a snobby little kid.

"Can we decorate the Christmas tree, Captain?" I sat up, sauntering over to the tree.

Angus groaned, "But that's boring."

My jaw dropped in shock. Of course Tully, master of chaos and strife, would say that.

"Alright then, freeze on the couch with no hot chocolate for all I care."

Before I knew it, Angus was pulling the boxes of lights and ornaments out. He was truly like a dog at my beck and call. He eagerly accepted his mug of hot chocolate, slightly burning his tongue when he tried to chug it. I'd put three marshmallows on top just like how he used to like, which he immediately noticed and ranted on about the superiority of a hot chocolate with marshmallows.

"Can I play some music?" Angus questioned, wiping the milky mustache accumulating on his lip.

"Sure, I'll get started." I nodded at him.

Angus walked over to my shelf of records. He would proclaim his distaste or endless love for random albums. He did a lot more talking than picking a song. He was surprisingly gentle, carefully handling the vinyl.

The lights were wrapped helter-skelter around the tree by the time Angus picked a record to play. He'd picked one of my dad's Christmas albums. Specifically Herb Alpert's Christmas album. He clapped his hands together and stood beside me.

"How can I help?"

"Use that so-called creativity, mister." I scoffed, starting at the bottom of the tree and tying a few glittery baubles to the branches.

He rolled his eyes and crouched down beside me. We tied and hung the ornaments in silence, with the occasional hum from me. Angus bounced his foot along to the rhythm of the song, curls bouncing as his head bopped slightly.

After a while, we had covered the tree top to bottom in an assortment of rainbow colored baubles and shitty handmade crafts from elementary school.

"What is that?" I pointed. There was a pair of low hanging green baubles on the bottom of the tree hung way too close to each other.

"What?" Angus crossed his arms and furrowed his brows. "You don't like my work?"

"It looks like an elephant's nut sack." I cackled, throwing my head back. He shoved me with his shoulder.

"Shut up! Put the star on the tree."

I grabbed the golden tree topper from the bottom of the 'decorations' labeled box. I stretched my hand upwards, just barely reaching the tip of the tree.

"Here, let me help." Angus grabbed the topper from my hand. He leaned forward, his chest pressed softly against my back. His hand hovered with a feather-like touch on my hip for stability. My chest rose anxiously at the touch. He placed the star on the top of the tree, slightly askew. Then, he crouched down behind the tree, his hand leaving my hip.

With a small 'click!', the lights on the tree turned on. They were a soft glow and flickered with age. A few of the bulbs had been burnt out and didn't light up. Nevertheless, it was perfect. It screamed 'Angus & I'. I glanced over at Angus, but he was already looking at me.

"Do you like it?"

He stared at me for what felt like forever, a small smile playing on his lips. He had a single perfect curl draped on his forehead that he pushed to the side desperately. He looked at the tree for a second, then right back at me..

"Yeah." His gaze dropped to look at his feet. "Yeah, I like it."

I stood there admiring the tree. Glitter and bits of garland had stuck to our hands. The sun had begun to set. The tree only glowed brighter. All that flowed in the air was the instrumental of a holiday jazz song. Even after years of knowing each other, he made me more nervous than ever.

"I have one more stop on our adventure." Angus interrupted my thoughts. He licked his chapped lips.

"Where to?" I chewed on the inside of my cheek in anticipation.

"Well, it's not really a destination." He sighed. "Just wanted to take a walk and look at the Christmas decorations."

"A relatively calm way to end the night, Tully. I would've thought you'd have us robbing Santa's elves." I snickered.

"I'm trying to appeal to your ways here." He fiddled with his fingers. "Let's go."

We put our boots and gloves on at the door. I was about to step outside when Angus put his hand on my shoulder.

"Wait."

"Hm?"

He grabbed his scarf from the coat rack. Instead of wrapping it around himself, he lifted the fabric up and draped it around my neck. He pulled and tugged on the cloth to cover as much of my skin as possible. His brows knitted in concentration as he fixed it. I couldn't look away from him. My face burned up.

"Perfect." He clapped his mittened hands together, proceeding to open the door for me. I couldn't even mutter a 'thank you'.

One thing is having a romantic experience with some random guy from Barton. Another thing is the possibility of Angus Tully liking me. The latter was unbelievable. This type of thing didn't happen. But the way he looked at me and lingered around, made me question the feelings between us.

The sky was completely dark by now. We decided we would walk around the block until we circled back to my house. It seems the neighborhood went all out this year. Every house had hundreds lights that must've annihilated their light bill. Angus was adorably in awe.

"Look at that house! They've got fucking Rudolph." Angus thrilled as he pointed at a 3 foot tall reindeer statue.

Every home had a different atmosphere. Some houses were silent with warm lights twinkling. Others had a bumpy vibe with jazzy music and the silhouettes of partygoers in the windows.

"Holy shit." Angus mumbled. "Look at that house."

It must've been the brightest house on the block. It wasn't obnoxious or anything. It was a blue colored house, but you could barely tell with the colors illuminating it. The lights flickered and glowed with rainbow hues. They wrapped around the porch and the trees on the lawn. Piano instrumental played from inside the house. It stopped us in our tracks.

I looked over at Angus who was staring at the house. He was hypnotized. His face was colored by the iridescent bulbs. His nose was highlighted by a green glow. Blue and red splashed on his cheekbones. Oh, and his eyes. Those puppy pleading eyes were twinkling with every possible color in the spectrum. He looked so pretty.

He was the kind of beauty that had me overwhelmed. I felt like I couldn't breathe. He turned to look at me. The snow had begun to fall from the sky again. A single tuft of snow landed on my nose. Angus reached his gloved hand and swiped the flake off the tip of my nose. He left his hand lingering on my chin for a second, before dropping it limply. He gulped, averting his eyes from my gaze.

"Fuck. . ." Angus sighed, shaking his head. He looked back up at me, eyes flickering between my eyes and the snow falling on my face. "You look beautiful."

I inhaled a sharp gust of cold air. Did I?

"Do you mean that?" I questioned.

Angus scoffed, "Of fucking course I mean it. Why would you ask that?"

"Because why would you say that?" My lip quivered. It was confusing. We were friends, but then we weren't. Now, here we are again. But, it might be more than that? It's what I wanted but I couldn't be selfish.

Angus thinned his lips. He rubbed his forehead. The lights glowed on the right side of his face.

"You- It's. . . It's complicated, okay? Shit. It's not like I never thought that. I-. . . I always did. Y/N, you have always looked like and been. . . a fucking angel. Maybe I didn't want to ruin you either." He rambled. His fingers tugged on the buttons of his coat worriedly.

"Ruin me?" I repeated.

"Yeah. It's no surprise there. I'm Angus. The guy doesn't know when to shut the fuck up and pisses people off. You're Y/N. The girl who's been out of my league since we were seven. You're too good for me. I don't want to mess you up like I messed up myself."

"Shut up." I gritted my teeth.

He squinted his eyes at me, his mouth agape.

"What?"

"Shut the fuck up, Angus." I pointed my finger at his chest. His eyes flickered down. "You're Angus. You know what that means? It means you were the first kid to stand up for me when that walking shit-rag Kountz threw spitballs at me. It means you are the only person that makes me laugh so hard, snot ejects out of my nose. It means you're the only person in the whole world who woke up and immediately came to see me. If that's not good enough for me, then I'll settle for less."

He stood in utter shock. His eyes had watered slightly. Every time he breathed I could see the hot air blowing out into the freezing air. I put my hands on his shoulders. My fingers trembled with fear. I couldn't take it anymore.

It hadn't even been one day and Angus Tully had completely took my heart for a spin.

"Angus, I think I like you." My voice quivered as I whispered. He blinked slowly. He looked like he forgot how to breathe.

Angus took his mittens off. He reached forward, putting his cold hands on either side of my face. His thumb caressed my cheekbone.

"And I think I love you, Y/N." He smiled.

I don't know what love is. I'm only a teenager. But I think I can guess by the way Angus Tully loved me. My veins pumped with adoration for him. My lungs needed him to breathe. My hands needed his to hold.

He draped his hands around my torso, pulling me in for a hug. His head rested comfortably atop mine. My face pressed against his chest. I could hear each 'thump'. I let my hands rest at the bottom of his back. His hands rubbed my back soothingly. It was a securing hug. I felt at home.

We walked hand in hand the rest of the way back home in silence. My mind had finally settled a bit. All I craved now was to be impossibly close to him.

When we reached my house, the night was clearly nearing its end. I stood on the top of my porch. Angus stood on the steps beneath me. He looked up at me with a loving smile.

"Thanks for the adventure, Captain." I pushed his curls out of his face.

"It was my pleasure." Angus chippered.

"Oh!" I pulled the Angus-scented fabric off my neck, holding it out to him. "Here's your scarf back."

He shook his head, "You can keep it. I have a feeling you'll be needing it a lot this break." Angus winked. I rolled my eyes. "I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow." I nodded. "You are gonna need this though."

"Hm?"

I leaned forward, placing a soft kiss onto Angus's cheek. His face was cold and smooth to the touch. When I pulled away, he held his face in amazement.

"I will never wash this cheek again, you know that right?" He laughed. He bit his lip, holding his hands behind his back shyly. "Bye, Y/N."

"Bye, Angus." I smiled. "And bye, Walleye!"

We giggled as I waved to the snowman. We stared at each other for a few more seconds, before I had to shoo him away from the porch. I turned and shut the door behind me.

The last thing I saw when I looked outside the window was Angus skipping away with his hands flailing in the air. All I could do was think about the next time I'd see Angus Tully on my porch again. My heart might've grown three sizes that day.

[etirabys]

Apologies if this is personal and you don't want to answer (or you don't want to answer for any other reason!); if that is the case no worries. But anyway by virtue of the fact that I am (sort of) a linguist I often get curious about people's language situation. You speak English obviously but spent your childhood in Korea, and often went to the English language book store while there? What is like, your personal linguistic history? Like, what language(s) did you grow up speaking, which ones did you learn later and when, etc? How fluent do you consider yourself in both English and Korean? If you don't mind my asking.

Haha, this is a dream scenario for me (someone asking about a situation I find fascinating about myself because I've never met anyone else with that background, but is probably boring to most people). Here's a longer story than you probably want:

My parents emigrated to the US before I was born, stayed for a decade, and moved back to Korea right after I was born. They're conversational in English, and my sister (12 years my elder) is fluent. Speaking English is valuable in Korea, so they raised me to be bilingual. They taught me the alphabet, bought me English language children's books, and sent me to an English language school run by Christian missionaries for preschool, kindergarten, and part of first grade.

My sister left the country when I was three to go to a boarding school in the US, but she came back every year for holidays, spoke exclusively in English to me, and refused to let the conversation move on if I mispronounced a word.

When I was six, my parents moved further away from the missionaries' school and switched me to a neighborhood public elementary school. At this point I was mildly more fluent in English than in Korean. Reading (English books) was a self-sustaining reaction I spent every free hour on. There were fewer interesting Korean books for children. Korea had industrialized ~30 years prior, and the hangeul writing system had only been in full use ~50 years at that point. As far as I knew, there was no CS Lewis of Korea, no Tolkien, no Diana Wynne Jones. In Korean bookstores, many of the prominent books on display were translated – The Little Prince was popular for children, and there was a children's fiction fad around another French author (who afaik never made a splash in the States) whose name I forget.

So I'm reading like 10 hours a day, at the dinner table, on the escalator when my mom takes me while she's shopping, sometimes under the desk at school flipping the pages with my toes, because the teachers don't care. (This is a huge W as far as I'm concerned for Korea – public school teaching is a somewhat competitive and standardized government job, it attracts people who lack great passion for either teaching or controlling children.) Meanwhile my peers don't like me much because my vibes are rancid: I have a compulsive laugh tic I haven't gotten under control, and I don't seem to understand their preferences very well or actively seek to understand them. Fair enough. I have one friend at any given time and she's usually on the fence about me.

When I'm old enough to take the train on my own, some weekends my mom gives me 5000 won for the train ticket + lunch, and I go into Seoul to visit one bookstore that has a 10-shelf English section. I pick a book, spend the day finishing it, and go home. Instead of my English language skills lapsing and being overtaken by the language I'm immersed in, I'm going deeper into English. Which increased the disconnect between me and my peers. I remember overhearing a conversation about an anime (The Black Cat) and eagerly asking if they'd also read the Edgar Allen Poe short story. I wanted to much to talk about shared interests, but it didn't occur to me to "invite myself into their interests" by picking up the manga they talked about.

...this all made my childhood weird in ways that have shaped me hugely but are difficult to describe. I was isolated and not, happy and not, stimulated and not, developing unevenly...

At eleven I discover fanfiction.net, probably one of the most impactful events of my life. I'm running out of physical books, I've read everything five or ten times, but then the computer! has made a deal with me! It contains INFINITE LITERATURE, although sometimes people seemed to misspell things on purpose and I didn't know why. (I had, approximately, never encountered misspellings in written material before.) In return the internet would take MY SOUL FOREVER although I didn't realize this at the time. I post a 100K Harry Potter epic over the next year where Harry is trained by a special assassin cult that lives under a mountain.

My parents have no idea what is on the internet. They're on a new temporal continent with no clue there's a parasite that can turn your daughter into a fujoshi. They do know that they have a worrying child. But! Her grades are really good, especially when she's testing in English. Good enough that although they originally intended not to send me to the US (my sister got depressed and burned out, and they attributed it to sending her to a different country for school), it made much more sense for me to go. I was on track to get a full ride at an Ivy, a carrot they were Not Immune to, and I obviously despised Korea and wanted to leave.

When I arrived in the States, I was terrified of speaking English to real native speakers. My language experience was "reading/writing: 95% English, speaking/listening: 90% Korean". I could perfectly pronounce any English sentence when I tried, but I'd occasionally and bizarrely mix up R and L, or the vowel sounds "ih" and "eeh" if I weren't paying attention. This went away after a year but I felt extra shy and didn't talk much. I'd guess 80% of my social cachet in freshman year came from writing funny Facebook posts.

I remember my time in Korea without feeling bothered by any single aspect, but overall I still have a big sense of "wow I didn't like that", have avoided non-Americanized Korean people since getting here (ten years ago), and now speak Korean haltingly. I'll try to teach it to my children so that they have the option of that cultural connection, but I don't think I can do a good job. It's feels 90% true thinking/speaking Korean is just a normal skill, a thing I do sometimes on the phone – and 10% true that the happier and more whole I become in the US, the more unsettling it feels to speak Korean at all.

[kissorkill16]

Mary: A Hello Neighbor Fanfic

By JJ

Summary: Mary Inky moves in with her uncle, Theodore Peterson. At first, she doesn't really mind, but that's because she doesn't realize the monster her uncle is underneath that "lonely old widow" facade.

(P.S., for @inky-mary414 , I was inspired by her OC.)

My first day in Raven Brooks

When my mom told me that I was going to be staying with Uncle Ted for a while until she gets out of therapy, my heart could've stopped beating at that moment.

It's not that I didn't like Uncle Ted, and it's not that my mom doesn't trust him, it's just that we haven't seen each other in a while. The last time I ever saw him was when he and my mom had a huge argument, and he kicked us out of the house without thinking twice.

So to hear that I would be staying with him, I just didn't know how to process it.

"It would be a great way for you two to catch up.", she said.

She wasn't wrong. We haven't seen each other in a while, so I thought that maybe this stay would be a great way for me and my uncle to catch up after so much lost time.

But how she managed to convince him after years since that argument, it will forever remain a mystery to me.

She parked at the front of his house, and it could've been my imagination, but I could've sworn that I saw a kid climb out of his chimney.

Then he slid down the drain pipe and hopped into the bushes next door.

I didn't know if my mom saw it too, or if Uncle Ted saw it from inside the house somewhere, but I didn't even have time to ask Mom before she just got out of the car and went to the back trunk.

I got out too, since she was carrying my bags, and I thought I'd help her since I don't have anything better to do.

When she got to the front door, I stood behind her, a couple of suitcases in my hands, she knocked on the door.

No one came to answer.

She knocked again. Still nothing.

When she was about to knock for a third time, the door opened slightly, then all the way.

I forgot how tall and how muscular Uncle Ted was, and I had also forgotten how scary he was. Maybe that was just me.

"Teddy, so nice to see you!", said my mom. "Anyway, here's Mary, you probably don't remember her after so long, but here she is."

Mom grabbed my shoulders and pushed me in front of her, and I stared at Uncle Ted in fear. He just looked down at me with those weird, intimidating, dull green eyes that I swear could see straight through me.

I bet he can see what I had for breakfast today. Not for long though, because I'm about to lose it.

Mom bent down and gave me a kiss on my forehead before waving me goodbye. "Bye, sweetie. Be a good girl for your Uncle Ted, and call me if you two need anything.", she said. Then she turned on her heel and went back to the car, and I waved her goodbye as she drove off.

Uncle Ted closed the door. I looked at him again, and I didn't feel as intimidated as I did the first time I looked up at him.

"I need to go to the store. You'll be okay by yourself, right?", he asked.

My eyes widened. So he could talk. Mom told me that he became a selective mute after Aunt Diane died and Aaron and Mya went missing. I wouldn't blame him if he couldn't talk, when you lose someone you love, you pretty much lose your will to live.

But I nodded, and he went to the kitchen to the kitchen and got the car keys.

After he left, I decided to just take my bags to the living room.

I couldn't believe what a mess it was in this house. Everything was all over the damn place, things scattered all over the floor.

Seriously, was Uncle Ted so depressed he couldn't clean up after himself anymore?

With nothing else to do, I couldn't unpack since I didn't know whose room I'd be staying in, I thought I should clean up a bit.

I started with the living room. Picking up all of the things that were on the floor, sweeping up anything broken and throwing it away, and fixing any crooked pictures on the wall.

Then I moved onto the kitchen, then the hallway, and then I wondered if it was as messy upstairs as it was downstairs.

I wish I hadn't wondered that.

But anyway, I swept the entire upstairs hallway. But as I tried to go into Uncle Ted's office or his bedroom, I noticed that they were locked shut.

I'm not one to judge people for doing the most weirdest things, but this was so weird.

Almost every single one of the upstairs rooms were locked.

And that's not even the weirdest thing. When I went to check the bathroom, the bathtub was filled with some type of gunk. I didn't dare touch whatever the hell that was.

I was lost in thought as I was putting all of the stuff back, then the front door opened again. I jumped, then I saw that it was just Uncle Ted.

He looked at me.

I noticed that I was still holding the broom.

"I decided to clean up a bit.", I said. I didn't know why I was explaining myself, but I guess I just wanted to get his intimidating stare off of me.

He didn't say anything, he just walked over to me and took the broom. Then he patted my head.

"Thank you, Mary.", he said.

He sat the broom down next to a cabinet in the hallway, then went to the living room and took my bags.

"You'll be sleeping in Aaron's room tonight.", he said. I nodded. Then I remembered something.

"Oh, Uncle Ted. There's actually something I need to know about that.", I said. "Almost all of the upstairs rooms are locked. I don't know if that was on purpose or on accident or something, but -"

"I'll take care of it."

He continued to walk upstairs and take my bags to Aaron's room.

We didn't talk to each other for the rest of the day. I just stayed in Aaron's room while he did whatever, I kept myself busy by reading some of the books I had brought with me.

I read books while I wait for my phone to charge.

At dinner, I noticed that he took a plate full of food to the basement. Why would he do that? Did he have something down there that I didn't know about?

Was it a pet? Because at least having a pet would make this stay a little less awkward.

"Uncle Ted.", I said to him as he walked back into the kitchen, "Why did you take food down there?"

"Where?", he asked.

Oh. He was playing dumb. For sure, he was playing dumb.

"The basement. Why were you taking food to the basement?", I asked.

He didn't answer. He just looked at me, and that stare was beginning to make me feel uncomfortable. He put his plate in the sink, "Don't worry about it, Mary.", he said.

Then he left the kitchen.

I washed my own plate, then I went back to Aaron's room.

That night, I laid awake in bed, thinking about my uncle. What was he hiding? Because as far as I know, he's got more secrets than locks. He proved that to me when he took an entire plate of food to the basement.

I got up, sick of the insomnia and decided I just needed to tire myself out. Then I noticed a light from across the street.

I looked out my window to see a girl through her window, and she looked rather down.

Why was she so sad?

I decided I needed to cheer her up.

I turned on my phone's flashlight and waved it around a little at her, trying to get her to notice it. When she saw the light, she looked across the street at me, and I waved at her.

She looked nervous, but she waved back.

I gave her a little dorky thumbs up, and nodded at her. I was trying to signal her "You good?", just to check on her.

She gave me a thumbs up back.

Then she smiled at me.

I smiled back at her.

I gestured another wave at her, signaling to her "Come over tomorrow?"

She nodded again.

Then she closed her curtains.

I laid back on my bed and decided I'd just play on my phone until I felt sleepy.

I felt happy that night as I played myself to sleep. Not even one day in Raven Brooks, and I'm already making friends.

I just couldn't wait to meet her for real.

[sir-arlieosaurus-lung-struggler]

lmao someone flirted w/ me today (an aroace story time 🔵💙⚪️🟡🟠)

during lunch the last couple days a boy (lets just call him Jay) & his friend group kept just randomly sitting at mine & my groups table (weird cause normally "the boys" dont usually bother us, the guys sit on 1 end of the really long tabel and like 90+% of the other 2/3 of the tabel is gay, I originally didn't think too much of it cause I'm on the very end of the gay sector, it was weird tho cause they asked if they could sit there) anyway Jay & his group sit next to us, Jay specifically next to me each time they sit down w/ us, then get up and leave, then come back. Yesterday Jay didn't bother me much aside from asking what I was doing on my phone but today Jay kept poking me while im listening to music, which honestly didn't bug me much I was just kinda sitting there unamused. The final time Jay pokes me he asks... "are you from Tennessee?" *me not only misshearing it to be "are you with x boy in our grade" but also not getting it after i realize what he said* "... nno-?" "Cause your the only ten I see" then my imidiate responce was "I'm good thanks" 😂

I lost my shit for a good 15 minutes after lunch just cause my reflex responce lmao. It just feels weird tho lmao- like- just that someone would flirt w/ me i guess?? Ik that sounds self depricating in most contexts but for me its coming from genuine confusion?? Like why?? I think my logic is just "i get i look cute, just don't tell me that (unless like were really close friends)" & its weird too cause i cant even tell if they were being genuine lmao the, group was chuckling the whole time but i cant tell what tf was going on?? (I can't even understand whats going on at my table 90% of the time w/ the ppl ik let alone strangers)

Whats even better? I remember Jay from elementary school. we were never friends, barly talked ever, but I remember him cause my moms was friends with his uncle in highschool & they ran into eachother at the store ONCE ever.

All this leads me to thinking: what if someone actually asks me out? Cause ik for like 99% of ppl they'll mean it in a romantic way??

[plutobutartsy]

Hi, please talk about your ocs <3 I don’t know anything about them, but I want to properly appreciate your art of them in context.

PEARRRR 🤧 i'm gonna cry that's so sweet of you, you have no idea how happy that makes me <33

i have 3 main ocs! Evie (Evelyn), Briar and Nate (Nathan). i don't have a proper story in mind for them, they're just there to live their lives, figure out their issues and fall in love with each other lol

i tried to keep it brief with just the basics but i have a sideblog for my ocs if you want to check that out! it's @plutobutsilly . or you can always swnd me more asks 🤭

Evie is 18 and a witch! She has 5 adopted siblings, all of which are different magical creatures. Her dad is human and perpetually stressed lol. She has anxiety and depression and is overall a bit of a pushover because of it, but she's also quick to anger and can really hold a grudge. She likes all things that are pink, sparkly and cute. Her hobbies are baking and sewing and she wants to be a fashion designer one day! For now, she's in charge of the costumes for her school's drama club. She had an emo phase in middle school where ahe painstakingly straightened (cough FRIED) her hair every morning 👎🏽. She still listens to a lot of emo bands and appreciates the fashion! Her favourite foods are strawberries and chicken curry.

Briar is a born vampire, so not turned, and he's 17 now! He has 3 older sisters that baby him and that he really looks up to. Huuuge perfectionist. Inferiority complex that he tries to hide by being mean and is awful at expressing himself. His family is well-off but made him get a part-time job at a grocery store where he eventually meets Evie. He is secretly obsessed with human-made media about vampires and trashy romance manga! He likes cooking but is Capital W weird about food. Student Body President at the fancy private vampire school he goes to BUT he went to middle school with Nate and they have had beef ever since (they get over it eventually <3). His favourite artist is Megan Thee Stallion. Cares so so so much about everything but will never say it </3

Nate is a werewolf and also 17! He has two older siblings, Selah and Isaiah. His mom is the pack Alpha and a very stern, no nonsense woman but she is very affectionate with her kids. Nate has severe daddy issues and is constantly scared that he'll turn out like his dad so he used to repress his feelings, wether good or bad. Now they're a very cheerful guy but they still suppress their anger and struggle to fit in with their pack. Goes to the same regular human highschool as Evie! He lovesss animals, his favourite are cows <3. Really really into literature and writes his own poems. They also like all things artsy. Seriously, name a craft and they most likely do it lol but their favourites are probably knitting and pottery. They're also very good with kids. Wants to become a farmer one day.

[bitegore]

I’ve been wanting to get a cane for a good while now, but something in the back of my mind just feels weird about it in a way I can’t quite kill off. I have broad pectus excavatum, which compresses my heart and lungs to a certain degree. This affects my tolerance for exercise and makes me exhausted from simple things like getting up and using stairs. Doctors say that my heart isn’t compressed enough to have a tangible effect on my day-to-day life, but I still feel like it does. And my sister gets on my case for even speculating about having a disability that I haven’t been diagnosed with because she fried herself on Reddit r/fakedisability discourse and thinks I’m doing it for attention, so I don’t even know what her reaction would be to getting a cane. I guess I just don’t feel disabled enough for a mobility aid, even though intellectually I know that I can do whatever I want forever… I’m worried its some form of internalized ableism that I’ll have to unpack, lol. Idk, can you relate? Do you need to get a cane from a medical professional?

-

Ah, I can't say I relate - my issues are very, very different - but I know for a fact you can get a cane in places like Walgreens and CVS (and if you're outside the US, likely at other pharmacy type convenience stores as well). You'll have to pay out of pocket for them and they're not custom-made for your issues, but my mom bought one from CVS when I was a kid and it helped her out when she had issues with her ankles. So that's one issue down.

I would say to ignore your sister + if she can't mind her fucking business you can always lie and say a doctor or some other medical professional or w/e told you you could get it if you thought it'd be helpful. But I really don't think her response should be... idk, relevant? Like you said, she's fried her brain on r/fakedisability and anything she says is going to be unhelpful and stupid.

"Disabled enough for a mobility aid" is. How do I put this. There is no such thing as 'disabled enough' for a mobility aid to Society, the message is always that you can try harder unless you literally cannot move at all and if you have even the slightest amount of mobility you shouldn't use a mobility aid at all. So it's a losing game no matter what. Instead I figure if you think it'll help you, get a cheap cane and find out how to adjust it to fit you, see if it'll help, and if it doesn't help then like idk see if you can give it to someone who'll need it. You'll never know if you don't try and you'll never satisfy the question if you don't find out, I figure. If you don't have the funds for it then that's irrelevant but a bunch of these are like, $25, that seems about reasonable to me.

I don't think I'm really the guy to ask about this, but like, idk I am on the "do whatever you want forever" train and it sounds like this is something you at least want to try. So I think you should try it. And if it works out then you should probably look into getting a real deal cane that is actually suited for you and won't hurt your hands or wrists, because I know that can be an issue with the cheaper canes, but then you'll be able to have an easier time with walking and stuff, and if it doesn't work out then you know it's not what you need.

[castielsparkle]

I'm so jealous of your dad I got my mom into supernatural and obsessed with cas but she was soo confused when I even mentioned there being gay undertones. And she thinks dean's annoying 😕

/!!3?2$2; that is so crazy to me because . well. ok let me explain. my mom personally is evil and insane and when i was like 12 i would tell her about youtuber rpf and like. she is actively homophobic however she was a legit truther about youtube rpf ships which is. an entire thing. not an rpf guy btw need this to be known . not a fan. not about it whatsoever. actively disdain for it. Moving on. she still talks abt that stuff to this day. unprompted. despite being lgbtphobic love and light. MOVING ON. my dad literally like..... We did Not ask him to fucking do this . he started watching spn and anytime its on tv around him he starts going off about his gay dean truthing and how like. he doesnt subscribe to him being bi hes of the belief dean is a gay man. he also vibes with dean beinng a trans dude. he will make a comment about this at any opportunity . dean scene where hes like 'my boobs are real' cue my father unprompted immediately talking abt top surgery dean . hes insane. he says he is quote 'indifferent' abt trans dean headcanon. he says hes also quote 'indifferent' abt gay and bi dean however he 'sure does act gay with cas' which . is really fucking funny to me bc he put on a destiel compilation on youtube (?? did not fucking ask him to . i wanted to watch the 'deans gay thing' scene) and then it ended up being him critiquing fan compilations of deans behaviors and he even starts bringing up like . 'remember that time he looked at that guys ass in like the 50s' or whatever. like to prove there were better portrayals of dean being gay than in the destiel fan compilations on yourube. my god. he said yesterday separately to both me and my older brother about how he (my dad not dean) is like if gay was a gender and not a sexuality. not unpacking all that rn. but he said it to me when we were watching destiel compilation he put on and he had my older brother back him up abt how he said it earlier GSHJF. i dont remember whrte i was going w this. oh yeah. further context i am his only bio child ever . my older brother is found family we met like five years ago and he moved in w us at the end of last yr. bc dad offered. and before that he offered to move in my other bestie who i went to hs with who ive known for approx four years now and like . we are all trans guys btw. he offered to pay for our t if we set up ghe shit w insurance (this is happening rn i literally got my first t shot yday‼️) ANYWAYS.... all of this to say. my dad is always saying shit about jow destiel are gay or whatever. hes insane. no clue why. he insisted that like Yeah No its not even undertones is so blatant and overt that hes gay . he will say stuff like 'im not a fangirl i dont have headcanons' (insane sentence to hear btw) if u ask him directly abt it when were not watching spn bc it 'stays reserved for when were watching the show' but also like he will just. he. will say things. so much.

edit requests my dad has given me courtesy of my roomie from when they watch spn. in the car on the way to the store tonight he (my father) told me ANOTHWR idea he had which was when cas tried to speak to dean in lazrising and shatters all the glass and shit and hes like . quote. itd be a meme with the caption like 'autistic me not being able to control the volume of my voice.' which yeah. fire image idea. love it. he just says shit. hes always talking about how gay dean is and how detiel is real sorry i know this sounds like fucking down with cis bus and oppa homeless stylw and ahit i literally promise u im being so fucking for real. the first con i ever went to my dad took me and he dressed as naruto bc he doesnt 'kin' naruto but he says if he did kin it wouldbe naruto and pinkie pie . he also is obsessed w weird al. he knows rhat pinkie pie and weird al are married and have a child. he makes. interesting comments abt it when he talks abt how he would kin pinkie pie if he had to kin a my little pony. sorry this got way off the fucking rails. he also twitch streams twice a week. ive never watched sherlock but he did back in the day when it was popular. we also both watched doctor who together. sorry this got so divorced from ur ask anon my dad also got divorced he loves divorce. okay im so sorry im done now . also he says that sam is annoying sometimes

WDIT: SO FUCKING SORRY i forgot to add my dad said he quote 'kind of' would endorse this compilation . https://youtu.be/4McX1GUE3K8 he felt fairly positive about it.

[little-den]

A Tumblr exclusive! A little not so little description of the angsty Au/Scenario i have for Gin (OLBA MC) because i needed to share it somewhere ✨

It revived the itch to write it thanks to this poem i found in Tiktok

and it started with the time that Twt mentioned some OL reset Aus and this song a lot of time ago

A bit of context hahaha

Well in the moment i started this Au it was popular the reset theory, and what if we replayed and Cove remembers and such, but What if it was MC?

Also while playing the game there is a lot of mentions that how a couple of decisions could make it where some characters would never met.

In all of that there is two talks i like to focus, first one is in the moment Happines where Cove take us to see a play and how the MC and him would try to find each other if they have another chance in life or end up in another world.

The second one is in the Wedding DLC, Cliff talks about how his luckiest card was to move to Sunset Bird. So this raised the question "What if he wasn't that lucky and chosen other place instead?"

Now with my MC:

Gin is a wedding photographer, one of the main reasons she choose this path is beacause she highly values memories and she belives that they are an important part of what makes a person.

Finally to the point:

It's the night of Cove and Gin's wedding day and she is reflecting about the day until she falls sleep. She wakes up and see that she is in her moms house and they look younger, she is 8 years old again.

Everything she lived was a dream? No, it can't be it felt so real to be just a dream, she can remember it so clearly.

She notices is the same date that Cove and Cliff moved to Sunset Bird. She can see them again especially Cove. She goes about her day doing the closest thing to what she did the first time, planning to recreate all those moments that they had together.

The afternoon arrives and she is so excited going home hoping to see them aging just to arrive to no one in her front of her house. She thought "Maybe i just mixed up the dates, after all it was 15 years ago for me", so she repeated the same rutine all the week, just to go back and still nothing, just the same for sale sign.

She started to get worried and thought what she could do having the promise to find each other if they had another chance in life in the back of her head, until she remembered "Cliff's shop", if she could convince her moms to take her there.

But this idea had a lot of problems, first give her moms a good reason to take her there, if she could accomplish that, maybe Cove wouldn't be there, is was rare that him tagged along the first years, then what would her tell to Cliff so it wasn't weird and allowed to meet him. Worse case scenario the shop wasn't there at all.

It took her years to convince her moms to go around the area, thanks to her don't wanting to tell them about her past life, what if they don't believe her or tell her that it was just a dream, she couldn't bear the possibilities.

But she confirmed the shop existed but shyness got the better of her and couldn't talk with Cliff. Her best shot was wait for a day that Cove was there.

The way she could go more often to the store, was thanks to Elizabeth, if one of her outings with her friends was around the area, Gin would tag along and stay in the docks and Elizabeth would pick her up when she was done. This cost her obviously all of her desserts for at least one year, a small price to see Cove again.

The excuse she always used was that she liked to see the boats at the dock. Which was credible since she had a time in the past where she only wore sailor suits and nautical theme stuff.

Until one summer day when she was 15, it finally happend she encountered Cove and better yet Derek too. Two friends at the same time!, she can keep her promi It was easy to know that Derek would be the first to approach her.

She was fast friends with Derek, but it was a lot harder to aproach Cove, he acted different from what she remembered, it was a lot colder in contrast the warm boy she knew. Also it didn't help her case that she was acting as if she knew them all of their life and too friendly, so similar to his first encounter with Baxter in the past life, thing that she didn't noticed.

Derek convinced Cove somehow to spend more time with Gin, her neighborhood was more close to the beach that the one Cove was currently living and had a lot of less people around. So they started going to Sunset Bird more often.

Last point Gin's Cove is warm and between studious and mixed, and after the reset is cold and sporty.

But it's wasn't the same, Cove attitude was diferrent, as if he wasn't exactly the same person she knew, in the overall was the same but her discomfort was in the little details, how reacted in some situations, some of his likes were different, etc...

There were moments that she lived with him in her past life and in this life but the outcome was most of the time not as she remembered and wanted. Maybe with some time she could feel different and ignore these details.

With time passing the feelings of both of them slowly changed, he started to fell in love with her. He was comfortable in her presence, he felt that she knew him quite well, that she was someone he was meant to meet.

But her feelings only got worse, her memories of this time and the past started clashing. He wasn't the same guy she grew up with, the one she started dating that summer when they were 13, the one she proposed to as soon as they could legally get married.

Although they were both so similar, they were not the same person. She believes that the moments that one lives in one's life mark them. Both of them were different and it is something that weighed on Gin's mind. Also she noticed how this Cove loved her.

She liked this Cove a lot, but not to the point to love him or even to be romantically interested in him. She loved the one that was her husband, so it was a bit more painful the fact that she could not reciprocate his feelings but it was at lost of what she could do.

That's all, i even started writing it in super detail in the past but i just left it, is just like the mini introduccion

Also as a treat another OL ansgty mini story i writed and shared in twt but not here

[heavencasteel420]

Can you do director’s commentary on Nancy’s letter drafts to Jonathan? 🥹 The one where she pretends she got Barb back killed me

Thank you for the ask! I'm so glad you liked the Barb letter; it was a late addition and I'm very fond of it myself.

(Some discussion of suicide and Billy being gross below the cut, not beyond what appears in the fic.)

Okay, so first of all, the Regular Letter:

Dear Jonathan,

I hope that you're doing well. I thought I would write to you to ask how things are going in Indianapolis. I know we didn’t really talk when you were still in Hawkins, but I was thinking about you the other day and wanted to see how you were.

What’s it like living in a city? I know it’s just Indianapolis, but I bet the record stores are better. I remember you liked all that art rock stuff. It’s probably nice to be in a place with more kinds of people, too. It gets a little boring around here.

Things are about the same for me. School is going well, even though I’m about to tear my hair out over chemistry. I’m still going out with Steve Harrington. You are probably making a face now and thinking “Ugh, Steve Harrington.”He’s actually matured a lot, though. And maybe you’re actually wondering why he’d go out with dorky Nancy Wheeler. Well, I haven’t matured a lot. I guess I’m about the same.

Do you remember Barb Holland, my best friend? There hasn’t been any news since you moved away. I don’t think she would’ve gone to Indianapolis, but could you keep an eye out for her?

Mom and Dad and Mike and Holly are all doing well. I hope you are, too.

Sincerely,

Nancy

Nancy's being so normal right now! She's very carefully trying not to brush up against any of the things about Jonathan's life that might be hard or weird or bad, which is difficult because all she has to go on is that he lives in Indianapolis with his dad and not in a mental hospital. (She remembers his taste in music, though!) She's sharing totally benign news about her own life

...and yet she's already getting a little weird with it. She brings up Jonathan's presumed dislike of Steve when (a) that's not something he ever shared with her and (b) it's not really a lighthearted topic, given that Jonathan's reason for disliking Steve is his obvious disdain for the Byers family. (I did have a draft where she says "ugh, Steve Harrington" in the letter she sends to Jonathan, and Jonathan's like "yes, Nancy, that's exactly how I said it, because I'm actually a Valley Girl now, how did you know?")

Her self-loathing also creeps in, albeit in a mild way. Her reasons for feeling not good enough for Steve are way sadder than her initial insecurity over him being cooler and slightly older, but she's still acting like Nice Girl Nancy in this letter so she reverts to that. And of course she asks about Barb.

(She crumpled up this letter and put it in the wastebasket because she thought it sounded too stupid.)

Now...the Mean Letter.

Dear Jonathan,

How are you doing? It doesn’t matter, because I’m about to make it worse, just like I always do. Maybe you remember the day I came up to you in the hallway and said I was sorry about Will. Maybe you don’t, because too many horrible things happened afterwards and there’s no reason you’d remember one wimpy girl offering her pathetic condolences. Either way, that’s maybe the last nice thing I ever did, and it wasn’t much.

Nancy's mostly being mean to herself here, but this would also be a super-fucked-up letter to send to Jonathan. She's just so angry at herself that she's indulging this fantasy of being horrible to other people, too.

Why am I writing to you, then, when I never talked to you when it might have actually helped? Well, hear me out: I was drinking in your old house with a bunch of kids who used to make fun of you for being weird and poor. That’s what people do in your old house now: drink and stare at the evidence of your mom losing her mind, like a bunch of ghouls. Tommy Hagan was one of them. Remember how he used to say you’d murdered Will? He feels kind of bad about it since you tried to kill yourself. Anyway, I drank too much bourbon and hallucinated your brother’s ghost. Just thought I’d let you know, in case you were nostalgic for the worst three months of your life. God, I hope they were the worst.

She's more actively ashamed of hanging out in his old house now (although, being Nancy, she's eventually going to be like "well, I did find Will's ghost, though!"). She's also recognizing that, even if she wrote it in a nice way, bringing up this false hope has the potential to be incredibly cruel.

What else is new? I let Billy Hargrove (you don’t know him, he moved here after you went away, but he’s an asshole) touch my boobs at a party, even though I’ve been going out with Steve Harrington for a year. I know Steve was always rude and snotty to you, but, trust me, I’m way worse than he is. I think Barb would hate the person I am now. Maybe she already knew I would turn out like this, and that’s why she left.

Her self-loathing is sharper and more specific here. She's not just hateful; Barb would hate her, and she caused Barb's disappearance by being awful. This is, of course, pretty nonsensical, given that (a) Barb couldn't predict the future and (b) if Barb could see what Nancy was going through, she would recognize that her drinking and her brittleness and her apathy are the result of losing her. She would be very sad!

I almost hope that’s true. If she left because she hated me, that would mean that she decided to leave, instead of being taken away. That would mean maybe she’s okay.

Anger is easier for Nancy to deal with than the grief underneath it, but the grief still works its way into the letter. She's probably a little drunk when she writes this.

I could probably get sued or even arrested for writing this letter. Recklessly using the U.S. Postal Service to inflict emotional distress or something. Maybe you can tell your dad to stop trying to sue the quarry and set his sights on Queen Bitch Nancy Wheeler instead.

I don’t know why I’m saying all of this to you. You don’t deserve it.

Sincerely yours,

Nancy

Again, this would be a fucked-up thing to say if she ever sent the letter, regardless of Jonathan's feelings about his dad. She scribbles over and tears up this letter, partly because she's horrified by it and partly because she really doesn't want Karen to find it. Karen totally goes through her stuff.

And the Barb Letter!

Dear Jonathan,

I know it’s probably weird to get a letter from me. We only really knew each other through Mike and Will, but you were always nice to them even when they (almost always Mike, let’s be honest) made me want to tear my hair out. I’m really sorry about everything that happened, and I should have written sooner. In my defense, a lot of things have been going on.

This is the only letter where Nancy really talks about Mike, who is mentioned throughout the non-letter parts of the chapter as being depressed and withdrawn. She's both concerned about and detached from his suffering; it doesn't occur to her to reach out to him herself. It's only in the fantasy letter than she can really acknowledge him.

When you left Hawkins, I was still going out with Steve Harrington and my best friend Barb was still missing. Neither of those things are true anymore. Steve was actually a good boyfriend. I know he wasn’t always great in other ways, but he really tried to be there for me when Barb was gone. I wasn’t a very good girlfriend. I was just sad all the time and picked fights with his friends. Not that it’s hard to get into fights with Tommy and Carol, but mostly I hated them for not being Barb.

After she came home, there wasn’t really any reason for us to keep dating. I just wanted to spend time with Barb and he didn’t feel like he had to look after me. He’s with Chrissy Cunningham now. You probably remember her—she was always really sweet and cute, and she made the cheerleading squad sophomore year. She’s good at it, too. Anyway, I’m really happy for her and Steve.

Deep down, Nancy knows what she wants and needs to let Steve go, at least as a boyfriend, but that's excruciatingly hard when she cares about him and he's her only friend...except for maybe Tommy and Carol, whom she assumes would stop hanging out with her if she broke up with Steve. And she does have some positive feelings towards them, too.

Chrissy, of course, has her own problems, but to Nancy she's an avatar of Ideal Teenage Girlhood.

Barb really did run away. She took a bus way out West, to some little town in Nevada. She worked as a waitress and lived in a dirty house with a bunch of other girls. She says it was exciting sometimes, and the desert was beautiful, but mostly it was just hard and lonely. She wanted to come home pretty soon after she left, but she couldn’t face everyone after scaring them so badly. It was only after some asshole stole all her money that she called home.

Nancy has, without realizing it, constructed a Desert Hearts scenario for Barb in her head. She's going to hold onto that lesbian dream even though she is only barely aware that Barb might've been gay.

I was mad at her for maybe five seconds after I found out, because I’d worried something worse had happened, but I couldn’t stay that way. I was too happy to have her back. Besides, she was going through a lot of things I never knew about. I won’t go too much into it because it’s her private business, but she felt really alone and some of that was because of how I acted. She thought I was going to ditch her for Steve and his friends. I don’t think I would have. I love her too much. But I can understand why she thought so. I think some people can be good no matter what happens or who they’re with, but I’m not one of them. I didn’t like who I was with Steve and his friends, and it wasn’t even their fault. It was me.

Nancy's kind of overcorrecting here. Obviously she was not immune to peer pressure as a high school sophomore, but as we see in canon this is a function of youth and circumstances, not an essential wishy-washiness in her soul. This is the girl who, at a crucial popularity-making moment, offered her condolences to Jonathan when the people she was with clearly thought it was weird and unnecessary.

I wish I’d talked to you in between coming up to you at the bulletin board that day and writing this letter. I knew things were bad, that your mom wasn’t working or even leaving the house anymore, and you always looked so tired in school. My mom was worried about you both. I didn’t feel like I could do anything to help, because I was so messed up myself, but maybe it would’ve made a difference. Which is maybe why I’m writing now. I have no idea how things are for you in Indianapolis. I don’t expect you to write back to me and tell me. But, if you want to write me, I’d like to hear from you. Mike would probably also like to hear how you’re doing. He misses Will, too.

Yours truly,

Nancy

She's not being totally fair to herself here, either. Even Karen, an adult with some resources who cared about the Byers family and recognized there was a problem, couldn't figure out what to do on her own. But the instinct for noticing and connecting is a good one.

The Final Letter!

Dear Jonathan,

I’ve tried to write this letter a bunch of times, but I don’t think there’s any getting around the fact that I’m doing something weird. We never really talked before, except in passing. It wasn’t because I had bad feelings towards you. Our lives just seemed so different. You always seemed like a miniature adult, looking after your brother and working to pay the bills, while I was reading Seventeen with Barb and fantasizing about marrying Mikhail Baryshnikov.

This is a pretty blunt thing to say, that she noticed his life was hard and she found that alienating. She's getting farther and farther away from writing the letter the way she would to a real person; this is a note in a bottle, a message beamed into space.

Also, I strongly believe in younger Nancy's crush on ballet dancer and Soviet defector Mikhail Baryshnikov. My mom is almost an exact contemporary of Nancy's, and that was her junior high crush.

I almost didn’t come up to you at the bulletin board that day, because what could I say to you? My biggest problem was trying to date Steve Harrington without hurting Barb’s feelings or strangling his friends. Isn’t it strange that I thought that, and the very next day my own best friend disappeared and no one seemed to know what to say to me? Barb’s parents are the only other people I know who would understand, and of course it’s worse for them, but they’re so optimistic that she’ll come back that I feel like the worst person in the world around them. Because I think she’s dead. Maybe you remember me screaming in the hallway about it, after I broke my own hand. I don’t do crazy stuff like that anymore, but I still believe what I said. I can almost believe that Barb would run away, that something was making her so unhappy that she couldn’t stay in Hawkins and for some reason she couldn’t tell me what it was, but I can’t believe she would leave me and her parents without letting us know she was safe. She was responsible. She loved her parents. She loved me.

Nancy and Steve aren't regularly having dinner with the Hollands in this universe, because Nancy doesn't feel a special responsibility due to knowing the truth. They're still in town, though, and holding on to the hope that Barb is alive. This is part of why Nancy doesn't say anything to Jonathan about Will's voice; she knows how cruel hope can be.

She's a little more clear-headed here, though. No matter how bad she feels about her last moments with Barb, intellectually she recognizes that they probably weren't enough to drive Barb away and that something is off.

I feel like I moved to another country after she disappeared. Everyone else I know is still in America and I’m in Kiribati. Do you feel that way, too, or is it different because you’re in a new place? I’m not trying to say our situations are exactly the same, but I think you might understand what I’m feeling more than anyone in Hawkins. Why didn’t I talk to you before? I saw you, drifting through the halls like a ghost, and I felt bad.

She's not consistently keeping in mind that he might read this letter. She's expressing compassion here, but she's also calling him a ghost, which is pretty messed-up.

I don’t really understand why I did anything back then, honestly. Did you know I poured pig blood all over Officer Callahan’s car last May? (His personal car, not his cop car—I wasn’t that stupid.) He acted like a pig the first time I talked to him and Officer Powell about Barb disappearing, making it all about how I had sex with Steve Harrington that night. He did that in front of my mom, and he looked really pleased with himself for embarrassing me. Like he was knocking me down a peg for thinking I had something important to tell the police, and that was way more important to him than the fact that Barb was in danger. I guess I was still stewing about it months later, because I got drunk and bitched about it to Carol—you remember Carol Perkins? Big hair, bigger mouth?—and she said I should do something about it. So she and Tommy Hagan helped me get some pig’s blood and dump it all over his car the very next week. I think that’s why I’m still friends with them. They’re assholes sometimes, but it wasn’t easy to get all that pig’s blood.

Nancy "Fuck Tha Police" Wheeler, everyone. Powell and Callahan are mostly comic figures in the show, but their behavior when they're questioning Nancy in front of her mom in S1 is so incredibly gross, especially Callahan's.

Carol and Nancy might not get along, but she's not gonna let some sleazy cop insult her sort-of friend! Tommy was like "oh, this fucks, actually" about it.

This is another instance where Nancy is being super-frank, in a way she might not be if she really expected an answer from Jonathan.

Steve—I’m still going out with Steve Harrington—thought we took it a little too far. He’s nicer than me, and he was worried about me getting in trouble. I did, of course. Callahan didn’t press charges, but my parents had to pay for repairs. Dad was so confused. He actually asked if I wanted people to think I was a Manson Girl. Mom made me go see a psychiatrist, who was almost as disgusting as Callahan. I didn’t even know a woman could be that gross. All she wanted to do was talk about why I had sex with Steve when we hadn’t been going out that long. Like wanting to have sex with a good-looking guy made me a nympho and that was the real problem. I don’t know if you’ve seen a psychiatrist, but, if you have, I hope it was actually helpful and not a stupid, humiliating waste of time.

Nancy kind of gets off the hook for being a nice white middle-class girl, plus all of Hawkins knows why she's Like That. Karen's intentions are good, but Ted's indifference is a powerful force, especially when the first psychiatrist is bad.

She's sort of acknowledging some uncomfortable facts about Jonathan's life now, and maybe kind of fishing for info.

Mom stopped making me go pretty soon, at least, since I’d calmed down and Dad kept pestering her about the bill. I still do messed-up stuff, but I’m sneakier about it. I drink a lot. Bourbon is my favorite. I also let this really sleazy new senior, Billy Hargrove, put his hand on my boob at a party this Halloween. It wasn’t a surprise or anything. He gave me more than enough time to say “I have a boyfriend” or move away. I wanted to let him, because he was looking at me like I was something gross he’d stepped in, and that was how I felt.

Billy makes a move on Nancy mostly because she's Steve's girlfriend and he feels the need to knock Steve down a peg so Billy can be the Big Man on Campus. (This may also be a way to channel his own attraction to Steve—either way, it’s not very nice to Nancy.) But he’s also intrigued by how much she hates it. Also, this isn’t a case where Nancy freezes up, but that could have very well been what was happening so Billy is doing something kind of shitty.

You probably don’t want to hear any of this. I would understand if you threw this letter in the garbage. Even if you do, I want to let you know I’m glad you’re alive. That was the only good thing to come out of this whole mess.

Love,

Nancy

Nancy lashes out and distances herself a lot in this fic, but she has a lot of kindness in her heart and she really means this, partly just because Jonathan is a fellow human being and partly because she’s holding onto the idea that someone got out of Hawkins and was able to be happy. This is also pretty blunt of her—she’s acknowledging the suicide attempt—but in this case her directness is actually pretty necessary. He hasn’t heard this much, if ever, between Joyce not knowing he tried to kill himself and Lonnie refusing to acknowledge (to him, anyway) that the attempt was serious.

[punkwixes]

i guess a better life update is like

so i’m graduating this spring. it took me a while to get an internship + i got rejected from the first one i applied to. that was okay, though, because it was smth specific that only took One student in each department, so like 4 students total, and you had to specially apply to it. i found another internship actually working for the school itself, which i’m pleased with. it’s very close to my home, and i can get there easily. they’re very casual about dress code too, so i dyed my hair again earlier this month :3

i quit working for the nursing home like 6 months ago, after almost 6 YEARS of being employed there. it was pretty on the spot lmao. we got new management that sucked + a resident started screaming at me and i was just like. well. i’m done.

currently: unemployed! or “full-time student” according to, like, my taxes or w/e. contemplating applying to some stores in the area but not too worried about it. money isssss pretty tight rn, but luckily i was able to save a LOT over the pandemic so i’ll be okay until i graduate and have to start paying back those student loans. i would like to think i’m pretty good at budgeting and money management, luckily.

ummm wedding is happening in may of next year, hopefully. move is happening ????? idk whenever it works for both of us. it’s gonna be scary but i can’t complain or worry about it too much because my wife already did that move Alone, so , like,

made this post because i was just thinking about like, idk what the gap will be between graduating & moving — not really worried about it Too much, because i know that’s smth we will figure out later haha. but i was thinking about how it’s smth we will figure out because i am Acutely aware of what happened when shit got bad in june 2017, where i was going “i’ll be moving out soon, i can’t get a job NOW!” and then i didn’t move out till december 2017. but then i was thinking about how i haven’t really talked about my life Extensively here since all that happened — maybe a bit, but most of it happens in dms (hi jess) (the ONLY person i use the tumblr messenger for) or in my discord server(s?) lmao.

and i realized that i have a lot of people (relatively, i guess.) who have been following me since i was like. 15? 16? and who maybe saw all that go down but don’t know what’s happening now.

anyways. on that front. my parents and i have… idk. kind of a relationship? not really sure. they have more of a relationship to me than i have to them, which is funny. they text me about every other day, but i don’t really answer that often. they know if they make negative commentary abt anything i’m doing they’ll just lose contact with me for good. they know i’m gay & that i’m getting married, and they’re Forced to be supportive Or Else, which i also find funny. they’re not attending my wedding though, On God.

had a weird thing happen a while back where my mom apologized for like. a lot of stuff. for the homophobia, for Some of the physical abuse she did, for some of the physical abuse & other abuse my dad & brother did to me. on their behalf, i guess? idk, being apologized to doesn’t really mean anything to me — or it didn’t, for a long time; i’ve only recently had Moments where someone apologized to me and i felt that it meant a lot — so i just felt weird about it. she was crying really hard, so i know that she knows that it was Bad. i still wish i could impart on her or on other people who don’t believe me Exactly what it was like, but i can’t.

for a large part it doesn’t really affect me, other than like, a desire to bury my head in the sand rather than Confront anything negative. so like. it doesn’t make it better but what i’m trying to say is like… idk, i’m doing fine, it could be way worse.

i guess i’m just biding my time until graduation. i almost wish i was working, because it feels like time passed a lot faster when i had work looming over me every two days. my class schedule for the next week is… fun…. i have a class from 2-4 and 6-8 on mondays, and then class from 6-8 on wednesdays. my fourth class is just my internship credit, and i don’t really need any more classes [that are offered in the fall].

so i’ll have plenty of free time, which is nice. i want to do more around the house, helping w upkeep and stuff. i have housemates & friends who i Love, which is not smth i would have expected like five years ago. so. time flies, i guess.

[glassbugs]

it'd be a silly continuation and just as silly chance for us to bond closer <33 (yap incoming)

he takes a break from the machine for a few days and takes us and the kids to the town to ease all our minds, us certainly having an interesting time seeing old gravity falls, maaybbe someone mistakes us for a couple at some store or something pftt maybe they're surprised bc when did the mysterious scientist get a wife and children LMAOO

and just maybe its so cold or a storm starts and he gives us his jacket on top of ours just bc he feels obliged and somehow responsible for not getting us out this time yet

and when he gets sick tomorrow hes all grumpy and oblivious 'i never get sick..' and now WE feel obliged to take care and help him and maaybeee we coo at him just a bit too much UNINTENTIONALLY of course... 'don't worry about anything, i've got you' and he's strapped to the bed not having any other choice than watching us endlessly pamper him (and fighting back some demons lol)

(AND WHEN I SAY DEMONS I DON'T MEAN BILL. PLS DON'T LET BILL COME AND RUIN THIS CUTENESS FOR ME NOOO) (but on the other hand hm. it could be interesting. hed be like i could get you out of this mess in a second!! bc he doesn't want ford having any other priorities than him. and we have to choose between letting ford fix the machine or take the easy way out and trust some weird alien lol.) and imagine bill doesn't tell us he knows stanford and makes us gradually lose our minds thinking hes just a fragment of our imagination LOL. leave my puppet alone or ELSE!! or tell him about me and you'll just sound crazy. yesss manipulating king pls don't come back to us

here is a link to a tiktok w the sound i was talking abt earlier ITS SO CUTE it'd fit right in https://www.tiktok.com/@joinkyy/video/7358559633180495136?is_from_webapp=1&sender_device=pc&web_id=7445743022601717253

<3

I love a good yap sesh 😎 I'm so sorry this took me a minute to get to long ask intimidate me when I'm on mobile but we're SET BABYYY

I've had the little 'somebody mistakes them for a family' in my back pocket for a minute because the twins would absolutely resemble Ford and I like the idea of some random mom (or maybe young Susan) coming up to the reader with that like 'Man you spend nine months growing them and they look nothing like you haha' And Ford's in ear shot so now everybody is flustered

I also think Bill would get a good kick out of ridiculing the four's really weird fake family dynamic when he comes into play but that's down the line!!

I think Mabel would be having a FEILD DAY watching the reader run around doting on a sick Ford because yeah suuuuuurree you don't like him and there's nothing going on there. If we were back home I'd already be making a pintrest board for the wedding

I'm kind of torn on how Bill's going to feel about Ford having guest because I've been trying to read as much as I can but I still don't fully understand the scope of his powers and what all he knows (And I mean he's lying his flat ass off in the BoB so it's like??? Don't know if I can use that for a frame of reference really)

I feel like this is spoiler free-ish for the fic but also aaa??HH??? Nothing to crazy

Bill would clock the twins as being a part of the prophecy right away BUT I don't know if he would want to get rid of them as fast as possible or keep them stuck in the past because there are so many other people that are needed for the zodiac who haven't been born yet.

AND AAAA HARVEY MY OTHER DORKISH BELOVED YES

[temporarymoods]

aggressive hey

i always promise so much.

rarely do i fail to deliver.

except when it comes to writing.

i'm not even sure what i want to write about now, but i guess a couple things right off first:

haven't posted to the blog in a while

have thought about it a lot ever since (throughout november, december and winter break, the first two months of the spring semester, + a week)

just can't sit down and do it sometimes

but I've got a lot of ideas. lack of blog posts absolutely not correlating with lack of things to say...

i utilize my notes app extensively, there's some ideas there, but i don't want to go in at random, that would feel wrong and i couldn't maintain this meter of writing that i'm already doing, so.... Dune.

just learned about what's going on with Dune, in the Dune world, and so on. first attempt at watching the movie a couple years ago left me feeling silly but, i'm better now. i want to read the book over the summer, in a hammock. there are a lot of things i want to do this summer. those are all over my notes app, too, and on my wall. i don't think "dating" makes the list, though girls remain pretty.

SUMMER * dinner parties, on the porch, heavily curated * farmers markets, fresh produce w/ baked goods * indirect sunshine * direct sunshine * shrooms * sand * biking * the movies w/ a sweatshirt around my waist * a bong, graduation present to self * better clothes * movies, at home tho, lots * ice cream * camping and lake swimming * working * walking through the park * the hardware store (for what?) * feeling like i did it * sports games (spectator)

that's just naming a few. hopefully a lot of them can come true. i want to let my body feel good, it knows what to do, you know?

speaking of: dry sex life. mostly. but that's just on me, my doing, so i cannot really complain, but just state. for future record. that im still in my contented-single era, haven't quite hit the wall that keeps you bothered about it yet. cool cool. guess some time w a stranger couldn't be that bad, if i made it fun for me. what a weird concept. i love my friends, that is already so much. saw a corny tweet about that today. didn't like it because it would show up on friends' feeds and that's just,, ugh. true though

february was kind of ungovernable (what else can i say besides 'crazy' or 'wild'???) in a bitches testing me way (lmao) but no in a... here, see for yourself: [from my notes]

<<Feb 1st, downhill instantly>>

Feb 4th>>

Priorities 

Comfort and Wellbeing

Feb 6th>>

Sick email

Hi Prof,

This is Kate from your ( ) class. 

Just writing to let you know that over the past couple days I’ve been experiencing symptoms of a medical emergency. 

Feb 19th>>

i feel like peopke have been pretty critical with my recently and i dont like that 

>>

lowkey infuriated

>>

el tuesday [these are things I write down that I wanted to talk to el about on tuesday]

having to defend myself a lot recently

maybe i should cut my acts (self centered, crazy/stupid) (dramatic, unserious) [REDACTED]

would normally want to talk to a therapist about my natural desires to do things that feel important to me but are deemed odd/wrong by others ex. [REDACTED] but also wouldn’t normally pick such a birds eye topic because we get engrossed in the little things. but still: is there something fucking wrong w me? is it bpd? am i 2 hippie 2 quit?

doing things for the plot, to experience things (different)

my whole idea of human relationships in general 

Feb 21st>>

blog

was very overwhelmed this morning— hadnt felt that anxious in a loooooonggg time!!— but lunch w gray and lab partner (liz?) was so beautiful & im like, again, omg i love life + my friends ☀️☀️🌞🌞

Feb 23rd>>

Mom - therapy hospital $$

Feb 29th>>'

“By anarchist spirit I mean that deeply human sentiment, which aims at the good of all, freedom and justice for all, solidarity and love among the people; which is not an exclusive characteristic only of self-declared anarchists, but inspires all people who have a generous heart and an open mind.” Errico Malatesta, Umanita Nova, April 13, 1922

* * *

so that's that... i think hopefully that says a lot, captures a feeling. i knew it was a month to remember like halfway through, you know? and it ending with a 1 year breakup anniversary... classic. reflective. so glad it's march though, damn! haters were taking up too much space. i say that jokingly obviously but also if you dare to read through the lines you might observe that i am in fact quite upset about the attacks leveraged at me over the course of a couple nights in a short span of time that were all off base and random and yet still hurtful anyway it was a weird pattern there's no denying! it doesnt help the identity crisis, which is in FULL SWING !

who am i?

idfk man. let's consult the March notes app, shall we?

March 1st, 3am>>

dont like cleaning bc dont like confronting the waste i make

March 1st, 2pm>>

in love a little bit with a handful of my friends but for various reasons dating them is not in the question & will never be! how relieving to know that

March 6th>>

Candlelit charcuterie night 

* * *

feel like these don't shine as bright but they're certainly better. im supposed to get my period today and i had no idea. but wait let me clarify that you should not take that second note to mean that i have feelings for my friends i do not, just read it another way idk

music been good recently.

rn its 2018 peach pit (Drop the Guillotine) but that's definitely not representative. Lime Garden's album One More Thing is though. and Grimes still, if im not doing that persona enough. and Car Seat Headrest, but in an on wait - always way. like a fucking brother. rest of the good shit is just in my Liked Songs kind of at whim. special selection: Chosen to Deserve by Wednesday. Next up should be RINA bc alr found 2 songs on there I really enjoy. but even now im off hyperpop for a week, lmao. what happens when you go camping.

towel party next week aunt in the hospital mom visiting in like 1 second more job interviews tomorrow research to do havent unpacked yet its spring break i just keep getting high and getting through it i really do love my friends

there's probably so much about this life that i'm going to miss. and i look forward to the time where i actually have the space to consider that. more choice

a poem to close us out, and maybe i'll upload some pictures tomorrow. (haha, odds?) thanks for reading. just off the radio show juice, Fri Mar 8 3:20am. common time for me recently. stealing back my peace in the wee hours oft'

i heard symphonies who wouldn't let me sleep the everysound of rain on wood my ear on wood the same

i taste dairy soft despite my body taking my time i do not think

scratching at my head i can do this this i can do which lets me cave in

i laugh a lot it makes me cry a lot of tears a lot of love

i love sooooooo ( ) all to say ( )

<3, Kate

[trannykong]

will you tell the story of driving nearly an entire day for a kiss?

Okay it was a little exaggerated 😅

Back in 2021 I, like so many others, was having a bit of a hard time staying alive and I really consider that February to be the lowest point my mental health ever had the displeasure of reaching, plus I was emotionally raw from a previous relationship.

I met someone online around that time who lived down in LA and we quickly formed a fun dynamic where we’d just pretend to fight all the time. I’d send lots of quick lil videos throughout my day but we weren’t dating but we might as well have been.

April rolls around and I’m like “Hey I’m driving 10 hours to go to the Bay Area for a weekend in June, maybe I could visit you in L.A. for the rest of the week?” which is only an extra 6 hours to the trip but 🤷‍♀️ plus it was right after the covid vaccines came out so everything was kinda perfect

June comes, visit my friend, start makin’ my way down, get nervous thinking how I’ve never been so far from home while alone, almost turned back even!! I ended up out in front of their house though and when they came out I was too excited to do anything except smile. After like 30 seconds of awkward talking I lunged for a hug and made them spill their soda water

We went straight to the shed out back behind their house and just were talkin. I couldn’t keep up w/ our Hate Based Dialogue, it felt weird in person so I was just kinda quiet.

They mentioned that they kinda wanted to go to the store and I was like hey cool I’ll come w/ and they said they wanted to go alone and I was just stunned, like my whole person just felt cold as they walked out of the shed leaving me alone. I went to lie down and go to sleep when like a minute later they came back and were like “forgot somethin”

I just was like oh okay cool! and tried to go back to sleep and they immediately were like “that was a bit it was a bit are you sad omg im sorry” and started making fun just like “oh so i leave and your tactic is ‘🥺 im SAAAAAD i will lie down to get sympathy and seem pathetic’ youre a joke” and at that point I was feelin better knowin they were just fuckin around. Their deadpan humor far exceeeded mine which was kinda fun but jesus 😵‍💫

we spent the rest of the day in bed just watching movies while they just gave me a massage for what was like idek how many hours. Let friends know I was safe and that I’m glad I came, fall asleep.

I arrived Monday morning, come wednesday evening I’m crying because I’m like “the weeks half over, what time I have left with them is less than the time I’ve already spent. I don’t want to go home” ‘cause at home I just didn’t feel loved it was all very sad (everything regarding my 2021 home issues have been completely and entirely resolved. Me & my friends are built different)

We spent the first couple o’ days outside in San Diego swimmin’ around and walkin’ at night and sleeping on some pretty uncomfortable concrete then when we got back to LA we just stayed in for the most part ‘cause there was a heatwave and temps were up to like 110 and it just sapped me of all energy. It was nice though we just got to laze around all day in their mom’s shitty house that was falling apart (their mom wasn’t home for the week.)

I was meant to leave Friday so I could go home at a safe pace, but I resolved to stay another day as I didn’t want to fucking leave!! But I had work Sunday so my drive home Saturday had to be in one shot which took me 13 some odd hours ‘cause I had a lead foot and didn’t want to sleep in my car at a rest stop alone and w/o bed stuff

Anyway they talked me out of breaking up with them the following November and proceeded to nearly destroy my life through manipulative guilt trippy bullshit. Great musician though

[vodka-redbull-daily]

November 28th, 2023

My car has been acting kind of funny for a while now. honestly for over a year but I haven't had the time or money to take it to a mechanic. I was telling W---- about it and he said that he could either fix it for me or find a mechanic that could.  we were texting all day yesterday and honestly we text very often. he acts more like a boyfriend than a sugar daddy, or I guess more like a sugar daddy than these random hook-up encounters that I get money for. But we've been texting a lot and it honestly reminds me a lot of J----. it's been making me pretty sad but at the same time I enjoy spending time with W----.

he asked me to come over to his place  last night after I got off work and of course I said yes. I warned him that it would be late because I tell everybody that. I'm not going to make somebody wait up for me that doesn't want to. he promised me he would be awake so right as I got off work, I headed out in that direction. it's kind of a Far drive, Over 30 minutes. although I don't know that even is considered a far drive anymore since most of the time I have to drive over 30 minutes to get anywhere. anyway, I pulled up in front of his house in the same place I parked the last time. I guess it's pretty lucky  that the weird kind of duplex things he lives in I'll have garages in the back so most people don't do street parking and there's plenty of room for me to fake parallel park.

I walked into the door and rang the doorbell. I could hear A-----barking inside and thought I heard movement. but after a few minutes, there was no answer. I waited for a little bit, thinking that maybe he was getting dressed or something. I didn't know if he slept naked or not. it was kind of creepy being all outside in the dark and I was getting cold.  I decided to try knocking instead. I know that sometimes the doorbells are broken and that's why people don't hear it, but it seems pretty unlikely since this was a nice place and I actually heard the sound of the doorbell through the door. A----- was barking again, but nobody came. I sent him a text about waiting outside and, at D----'s suggestion because I fucking hate calling, I called him. no answer to either. I waited a little longer and I kept thinking I was hearing footsteps. maybe he was coming around from the back? I peeked around the corners of the entryway, but there was nobody. I rang the doorbell one last time and even though A---- was barking again, he never showed.

I won't lie. I did cry. it was incredibly annoying that I was brought to tears over the fact that one of my sugar daddies wasn't answering the door. he had obviously just fallen asleep because it was too late at night. but it's stung. it brought back the memories of the caring, loving, completely attentive J---- suddenly flipping into somebody who couldn't give less of a shit about where I was and what I was doing,  never wanted to answer texts, and would routinely give me stupid excuses about why we couldn't hang out in favor of hanging out with other girls that he met off tinder. 

It hurt a lot.

it still hurts.

and I guess that's why I cried over W---- not answering the door, but I wish I hadn't. I wish I was more in control of my emotions.  I wish that I was able to regulate whether or not something was distressing enough to truly have tears.  I wish that I can make my mom Proud by just sucking up all those emotions and keeping them stored forever away from the public eye. I wish I could forget about J----.

I was able to get my shit together by the time I got home and D---- and I commiserated about how stupid it was to invite me over then to not answer the door.  I was in a pretty bad mood at this point and even though I tried not to be, I kind of just went to my room. I hate the fact that this kind of stuff could affect me this much, but it does. it's incredibly fucking annoying.  this morning when I woke up, he sent a text that said:

“Oh no! I fell asleep!”  with the little surprise cat emoji. 

we texted a little bit more back and forth about how I should have rang the doorbell and I said that I did ring the doorbell…  twice. he mentioned that the door was actually probably unlocked in that next time I come over, I should just walk straight in. I made a joke about not wanting to get arrested for breaking and  entering.  then he said he would make it up to me. I don't know what he really means by that, but he probably means sex.

I started talking to you a few more guys off secret benefit. there's this guy named J---. he's married, but he says his wife is too vanilla for him and he wants to expand his horizons. he says he wants to test out his submissive side, to truly get dommed by someone.  he said his wife knew exactly what was going on, but didn't want to hear anything about it. I guess she's a little shy. since I have switch in my profile, I get a lot of people like this and even though I haven't truly ever dommed before,  I think that I could do it. I even asked B------- for some advice about how to be a good dom.  J--- and I discussed how and when we would meet since neither of us could host and we decided on a hotel. he wanted me to make the arrangements wish I was a little bit surprised about, but I guess that's what doms do.

the thing is, I'm chronically broke  and I would hate to pay for a hotel just to have him not actually show and  chicken out. he said that if I pay for the hotel, he would pay in advance. we agreed on 300 and I told him that if you wanted to pay for half the hotel, he can pay 30. in my initial research, it looks like most places would be from 50 to 70 so I figured that would be a fair enough price. he sent me $360 so I went ahead and booked the hotel and sent him the reservation information. I got a little nervous about checking, since most places have it around 3:00 and we were planning on meeting 11:00, so I called them and asked him if I could check in early and they said that was fine.

besides that, I met another guy off secret benefit that supposedly is a sub. while J--- is in his late 30s, this guy is in his late 50s. not going to lie though, he doesn't actually look that bad in the pictures he sent me. he's at least got some kind of muscle mass and isn't just loose skin. he talks a lot like those submissives that you see in the media;  a lot of begging for attention, a lot of saying yes ‘ma'am’, A lot of begging me to sit on his face. not my favorite thing in the world to do because I am actually terrified of accidentally killing somebody, but pretty standard for guys who claim to be submissive.

in exchange for pictures of his dick,  he asked for some pictures of me masturbating. and I sent them. I broke my rule of never sending nudes. my face wasn't in them, my tattoos weren't in them, but I honestly don't even know why I did it. maybe I'm getting desensitized by seeing so many dicks.  maybe it was because feeling like I was the one in charge the situation gave me the confidence,  or the stupidity,  to actually go through with it. I'm not sure. I guess I'll keep a counter for my own pics since people, too.

the other thing about P--- is he keeps asking to be cucked.  he has this whole fantasy about being forced to watch somebody else fuck me before he “ gets his turn”.  he always describes a man with a giant cock, a “bull”.  somebody who stretches me out why so that when he puts his dick in it feels like there's infinite space. my mind immediately jumped to B-------. the thought turned me on so much. I've been wanting a three-way for so long, two guys and me or me and a guy and a girl. I don't care honestly. and the idea of B------- domming me, then me domming somebody else…  I've definitely masturbated to that idea before P--- even brought it up. In between my conversations with B------- about how to be a good dom, I asked if you would ever be interested in that kind of thing. He said he was, in fact he had done something similar before. his only thing was that he didn't want to be involved in any guy-on-guy stuff. Beyond that, he seemed really intrigued.

also of secret benefit, I started talking to J------. J------ and his early 30s, very demanding, and very much an attention whore. he sent me a few videos and pictures of him masturbating which was an interesting thing to open up in the middle of work. it's the first time I'd ever gotten a video Even though I had heard plenty of horror stories about them on the Internet before. I guess I'll start a counter for those, too. I feel like P--- is also going to be sending me some. The thing about it is that he sent me them over Snapchat, so they were cut up into a bunch of tiny little segments. I don't know whether I should count it as two separate videos, since it seems like he recorded two separate times, or if I should count each little snippet as its own separate video. I don't want to artificially inflate my numbers, so if it looks like he stopped recording and then started up again I'll count that as a separate video.

Total Earned: $5,070

Body Count: 16

Dick Pics: 22

Videos: 2 

Nudes sent: 2

Head Recieved: 3

Head Given: 14

Sex Ranking:

B-------

Him

T----

W----

P------

F----

G---

A---

G--

R--

T------

J--

M--- (x2)

D--

A----

M---