#osha cafeteria worker

[groundskeeperosha]

Utur hears a gentle knock at their door.

"Hey hon, I heard you were feeling out of it. I brought you some of your favorite chili..."

@osha-cafeteria-worker

There is a noise from inside, and after a few minutes, Utur opens the door. They look... well, they don't look sick in a human sense, though they do have the body language of someone who hasn't slept in days. Their eyes, though, are an odd flickering of solid yellow to yellow iris to normal, and if one looks closely, they would notice the ends of Utur's locs look burned. Not like hair burns though, more like paper, or perhaps a candle wick.

There's a feeling in the air around them as well. Odd flickers of displaced time like eddies in water, big enough to notice but small enough not to do much. It feels odd to move through, buzzing and jittering like the air before lightning strikes.

"hey." Utur says, their voice flat in a way that feels a little uncomfortable. "sorry, not really feeling great right now. been worse than usual today."

[highlandswarden]

A fat guy sorta just appears, holding some kind of object in his hand. Smallish, with a roundish upper half that's vaguely pointed and glistening like it's a bit wet, the other half a tan color.

"Hey, I've been learning how to make ice cream, and my dream intuition tells me that you, my haunted train conductor friend, are exactly the man who should try a taste. I'm Mike, by the way, I don't think we've canonically met."

The man holds up the ice cream. It does look familiar... Like Ingo's seen this before. It's also oddly enticing, like he already knows the taste.

@osha-cafeteria-worker

I have no idea what canonically means, but, um, thank you very much. I am Warden Ingo of the Pearl Clan, if you did not already know.

*Oddly, something about being called 'haunted' seems... strangely correct. As if being associated with ghosts - or a ghost in particular - is... what should be happening. It feels so oddly right that he simply doesn't think about it further.*

Ah, thank you again. This looks... good.

*He accepts the icecream, politely, and gives it a little lick. Immediately, his eyes widen.

It tastes... nostalgic.*

[thedarkgardens]

"Huh. Honestly fair enough then. Though I guess if you liked older people anyway, this would be a real nice place to be." They shrug, idly.

*Well, there's a door here. Seems similar to the ones that have been appearing lately. It looks oddly fancy in an inexplicable way... There's a strange dial on the door that can't be adjusted, which is currently blank. There's a note on the door.

The note reads "This Door Connects With Any Of The Various Timelines I Have Connected To My Garden. Right Now, It Is Set To Pull Through Whoever Is Closest When It Opens. I Have Added A Dial To The Door To Indicate If A Person Is Their Timelines Equivalent Of Myself Or Kishar - Indicated By Cyan - Utur, - Indicated By Yellow - Alam - Indicated By Magenta - Or If They Are Someone Specific To Their Timeline - Indicated By Green. Caution; Not Everyone Is Friendly. Should You Wish To Remove Someone Back To Their Original Timeline, Just Call My Name. Try Not To Cause Too Much Trouble. - Persephone."

The note is written in a slightly-glowing cyan ink on black paper. It smells oddly of roses.*

[osha-stairs-department]

"Oh hey Vern, two things. One, I have this case of grape soda that I'm never gonna drink and I wanted to see if you wanted it. Two: Were you aware that you have two different narrators?" - @osha-cafeteria-worker

I have WHAT?!

MIKE YOU BETTER NOT DO THIS TO HIM.

*Mike please. PLEASE don’t tell him.*

[official-osha]

OSHAVERSE LORE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE I’M NEW WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING I-

boy oh boy

so im going to assume youre A. a new blog [welcome] or B. a casual viewer

the OSHAverse is a roleplay verse that started due to the parody blogs [like me!] that popped up in the wake of osha-official deactivating so OSHA didnt try and come after them for impersonating a government official, and then when lore developed sometime in september-october of 2021, it became something else entirely. it sports at least 200 blogs [though many either deactivated or abandoned or on hiatus] and a fuckton of lore

the OSHAverse, [relatively] old and big as it is, with the amount of user input it relies on, has so much lore that contradicts itself in some ways that its hard to give a very clear description.

@oshahelpdesk, though not... too active right now i think, is a good way to get started, and is working on describing OSHA blogs - so please submit a form if you own one! i still need to get on that ::-]

a basic rundown of the lore [or what i think is happening LOL, im not god of OSHA idk the full stuff]: OSHA is not only... OSHA, but also some sort of scientist organization, quasi-dimensional communist commune, and probably its own god or something like that. it takes place in a dimension of elusive, ever-changing nature, which [i think] is the melting pot for other dimensions, creating a blurred together mess. the building is endless and could potentially change depending on who looks at it. it may also be alive. [hey girl if youre alive are you free on sunday btw]

OSHA has a ton of departments and many dont have fuck all to do with actual OSHA. other important locations include the cafeteria [@osha-cafeteria-worker], the mad scientist union [@union-of-mad-scientists], the WHO [who has an office in OSHA, i cant find the blog URL though rn and also its not very active], and a loot more

OSHA also has a heavy reliance on alternate universes due to the dimensional aspect of it all, which is pretty fun if you think about it

if youre an OSHA blog, feel free to tack on with your own personal lore or just to correct shit ive gotten wrong! [some other blogs of mine are @prime-orpheus, @oshafileclerk, and @rory-faire. i have at minimum 20 but orpheus is the only one relevant to offy, i like david, and rory is the only other blog im using right now]

things are... a bit inactive unfortunately because people are busy so many plotlines are halted 😴 hopefully things can someday be back to basics

[fleetway-osha]

\*Fleet looks annoyed that it got noticed. Even if it's calmed down a lot.* Not really. Don't need physical food. Just like the taste.

\*Floating past the hallway is a certain yellow hedgehog. Trying so hard to not run into mike. he just doesn't like mike, to be fair.* - @fleetway-osha

"Hey little man, you hungry?" Mike calls out, much milder than the last time they interacted.

[vladco-tech-official]

Vladco Renovation

Good Morning, Vladco staff!

Firstly I would like to apologize for the lack of updates these past couple of days.

As you all may already know from the email sent by Meryl last week, both the Vladco Offices and the Vladco (formally Axion Labs) laboratory and science centers are going through intense renovations in order to become more OSHA compliant. As you may recall, a few months ago we had a tragic accident regarding one of our employees. Although he is fit as a fiddle now, we wish not to repeat those mistakes.

And you may be very pleased to hear that, amongst the safety features being installed, we will also be inducing some aesthetic and life-improvement additions as well.

We are expanding the in-office break room to be a full fledged cafeteria for both office workers and lab workers. The default break room appliances will still be available, so feel free to bring whatever you like, BUT we will also have a McMasters mini restaurant- among other options- available for employees to order from, free of charge.

Other food vendors will include vegan options, kosher options, halal options, and more. We will also be open for feedback, and once again you are still free to bring your own food from home.

We will also be expanding our 'fun/de-stress' room. Masters has already ordered around 10+ new arcade machines, as well as exercise machines for the fitness wing.

Unfortunately all of these things means that Vladco will be a tad inconvenient to work at for a while, which means we are required to pause on all major projects until the work-related renovations are fully complete.

We appreciate your patience and we hope you all have a good day.

[hewhodrinkscola]

Musical Universes

This isn't the usual kind of thing I post to my tumblr, but I've recently been thinking about the practical, in-universe dynamics of musicals. More specifically, the musicals where the fact that the characters break out into song is a canonical thing that is actually happening, and acknowledged by the characters.

Situations where the suspension of disbelief is no longer "Oh, well, the song is just a storytelling element, meant to convey the characters thoughts or emotions, but in-universe they didn't ACTUALLY break into song." and is instead "Yeah, people break into song in this universe all the time, don't worry about it."

So, if you'll pardon for the moment, my sudden need to share this strange stream of consciousness...

Take, for instance, The Muppets (2011).

At the end of "Life's a Happy Song". Once the bus leaves, someone in the crowd shouts "OKAY THEY'RE GONE!" and then everyone collapses.

This implies that these people were compelled to join in this song, and couldn't stop until it was over.

Which made me think of a lot of things, like, how do the safety standards for universes like this work? Do tables in cafeterias have to be safety rated for multiple-person dance numbers? What do the general "Musical Universe" OSHA regulations look like?

Are there workplace practices for when workers are pulled off the job-site and into a musical number?

What about traffic laws? Obviously the large crowd of people have the right of way, but do musical numbers have to stop for ambulances, or does a doctor have to tell an inconsolable mother "I'm sorry ma'am, but little Timmy didn't make it... His ambulance was required to stop because the local protagonist was singing their "I want" song."?

And just returning to that Muppets example. They interrupted a wedding reception, everyone just stopped and joined in on the song. But then, once again, at the end of the song, people seemed relieved that it was over, which lends further evidence to the idea that these musical numbers are compulsory, otherwise, why would they have joined in the first place?

And then think about advertising in this universe. You just know that big companies in this world will try to use people's spontaneous musical numbers to sell things to you. Again, returning to the Muppets example: "Life's a piece of cake" "Life's a piece of pie" "Life's an easy road" notably being sung by people carrying tires "Life's a leg of lamb" "Life's a bunch of flowers" "Life's a fillet of fish" All of these people were, effectively, muscling in on the song to sell their products. And look at the brief difficulty that Walter and Gary had in coming up with a proper follow-up for "Life's a Fillet of Fish". As if this was some weird, unregulated rhyming scheme that forced them to improvise. Did the pair of fishmongers get in trouble for this, or is it just an occupational hazard of being someone who breaks into song? Is it considered rude to interject in this way?

It does seem that certain people are also exempt, however. Take the classroom. When Gary enters, he is still singing, but stops as he sees that class is in session. So what stops him here specifically in this situation? Because interrupting a marriage and people who are working is fine. Why would Schooling specifically be exempt from this?

These are the thoughts that keep me up well into the night when I need to be awake to get ready for work in like 4 hours.

[centers-for-disease-control]

A Mike appears.

"You! You are ill, have some vegetable soup. It has cardamom!"

@osha-cafeteria-worker

I am not ill, but I won’t say no to soup that doesn’t have any diseases/radiation/poison/anything inedible in it.

[Text: I am not ill, but I won’t say no to soup that doesn’t have any diseases/radiation/poison/anything inedible in it.]

[ewo-official]

"Oh, I understand, no worries. Are you familiar with antimemetics or memetics? If you are, that would make the explanation a lot simpler for me. It's alright if not, it just makes the explanation longer is all."

He gives Mike a kind, but tired smile.

There is a man standing near Amanystria. He is not looking at them. But he is very pointedly not looking at them. As if he is actually intensely aware of their presence but is trying to appear like he isn't. He seems... perplexed. Confused. Even a bit uneasy.

@osha-cafeteria-worker

Amanystria coughs pointedly to get his attention.

"Excuse me, are you alright? You don't look too comfortable is all."

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[osha-janitor]

*Kishar stands outside Utur's house with @osha-cafeteria-worker, and pauses for a moment, before awkwardly trying to call out to @stardust-requiem, more via emotions and vibes than sound, though they do chirp loudly. Yelling out Gary's name just feels like it would be... a little embarrassing?*

[groundskeeperosha]

On a plane beyond human reach or understanding, an endless creature dreams. But in this dream, it seems they have a visitor.

@osha-cafeteria-worker

*Utur, for all their eldritch nature, still looks human in their dreams - a sign of how they see themself, it seems. And though they're dreaming they seem surprisingly coherent right now. Whether it's an eldritch trait or not, they seem very tired. Right now they're just. Laying on a... bed? In a vague heap, groaning slightly*

[osha-janitor]

ALAM: Um. Okay. Cool. Cool cool cool.

*Alam seems... unwilling to talk more. Since he hasn't been asked a question, he feels no compulsion to talk more either.

... his hands look like they're shaking*

Hey alam why are you so shaky and jumpy around mike

ALAM: Um. Well. You see... don't... don't tell him, but. I'm. Scared of him. The first time we met, I put on a facade of anger, but the explosion, and the fire... It's... like it plays on repeat in my head when he's near.

That and he's outright stated he wants to kill me. Even if he's being polite about it right now. Which is. Not the best. Little, uh, unnerving to me. I've seen some of the things he just... has on him. He could destroy me without blinking. He could probably kill me before I was even born.

... He smells like smoke. When he's near I can hear the crackling of a nearby fire. I feel like there are spots in my eyes like the aftermath of a bright flash of light. I just...

I think he's frightening.

[official-osha]

Hey so I was supposed to get a package in 1988 but I don't know if it arrived for reasons. Do you have any record of a package for a Mike Cook in Scottsdale, Illinois in late June of 1988?

@osha-cafeteria-worker

hold on let me check!

whats the package look like? do you know?

[springlock-osha]

Wandering the halls, William bumps into a vaguely familiar face.

"...What the... Afton, is that you? Why in the fuck are you wearing that ratty springlock suit?"

@osha-cafeteria-worker

[This. Isn't William. This is Springtrap.]

I'm sorry? I think you're looking for someone else. I don't. Know an Afton.