#osamu hates it so much

[aiiwa]

tbh atsumu definitely has osamu’s kids calling him “uncle dada”

[lotus-pear]

cringefail exes oh my god

[i-eat-mold]

i actually think the average skk fan pipeline is fucking hilarious. first you see a bunch of people on the internet talking about how canon they are and how they are pretty much a couple and you see a ton of fanart. but then you watch the skk episodes in s1 and s2 and you’re like ok there’s def some tension but they literally hate each other what? where do people get all this shipping from? and THEN you read the lns and you’re like ok holy fuck holy shit. ok there’s smth here. you start reading into it, their relationship is insanely complex and they deeply care for each other but they also had their downfall and nothing will be like it was again even though at some point they were the closest souls on earth, connecting to a level beyond comprehension as true soulmates. and then every time you think about them or re-consume a part of the media they’re in, you read more into them and next thing you know it’s been years, youve gradually but certainly completed your descent into madness and you have a tumblr blog strictly dedicated to these two idiots, and 90% of your mutuals are just as insane about them as you are

[evelyn-art-05]

soukoku; a whole life together

[yayll]

~ a little something about Dazai surprising you on your day off ~

Dazai's not by any means an early riser... That is unless he gets to see you that day.

It's 8 AM and he's tapping his fingers against his pant leg lightly, but he's actually really anxious and impatient. He’s waiting for you to open the front door and flash him that life changing smile of yours he’s been coveting for all week. Today’s your day off and he's decided to come over and spend the day with you so he can cherish every single moment, totally not because he’s slacking off work and wants to do the only other thing he does with his life other than avoid his responsibilities: Be the bane of your existence. You also have a nasty little habit of being a workaholic and he's here to break that once and for all. He's completely spaced out now, lips pursed and brows slightly furrowed in thought when suddenly—

You finally open the door. His angel, his everything. He immediately switches his whole demeanor, eyes twinkling as he scans your figure. You’re still in pajamas, and your hair looks messy. You look absolutely delectable for someone who just woke up to 3 missed calls and 10 texts. Dazai smirks as he leans in, wiggling his brows in an exaggerated manner.

"Well look who’s finally awake! What a sleepy little thing you are. Makes me jealous of that stupid bed of yours… Did you get my texts? Come here."

He looms over you in the middle of the doorway, kissing you softly, tenderly and hungrily.

You blink, and before you can catch your bearings you’re interrupted by the softness of his eager lips. If your mouth opens, he’s pouncing. After a few moments of uninterrupted bliss, you pull back, eyes still drowsy and breathing a bit shallow. You yawn, running your fingers through your bedhead.

“Sorry. I, um… was still asleep until now. I was trying to sleep in-”

He gasps, and tilts his head, as if baffled by this.

“Now why would you do that when we have plans today?”

“... We don’t, though?”

Dazai laughs, dismissing your rightful confusion. He knows you guys never discussed plans, he just doesn't care. He lightly pinches your nose in between his fingers.

“We do! It’s why I let you sleep in for a few extra hours before coming over.”

You lazily swat at him, crinkling your nose. He’s swooning! Dazai feels a jolt of electricity through his body upon seeing the way you respond to his doting. Making you flustered is his favorite entertainment, besides suicide of course.

“But it’s 8 AM.”

“Exactly! That’s like half the day."

"... How long have you been up for?”

He rolls his eyes affectionately as he buffs his knuckles on his tan coat, replying with a nonchalant hum.

“Hmm, not important— What’s for breakfast?”

He lets himself into your apartment and you sigh into a defeated smile that somehow still holds affection for this ridiculous man. You follow him as he strides to the kitchen and fold your arms across your chest.

“You know, I’m kinda grumpy right now. It’s too early, Osamu. I need my sleep."

“And might I say you look absolutely stunning when you’re grumpy? How ever did I get this lucky…”

“Keep it up and I’ll get even worse, you goofball.”

Dazai smiles, it’s sly and dangerous. A challenge, he hears? He pretends to think for a moment, his finger placed on his lips as if really contemplating something. He’s just picturing what you’d look like yelling at him. Heavenly, of course. He flashes you a tender smile as if you just said the most romantic thing and curls his arm around your waist, whispering.

“Ooh, then I can’t wait to see worse.~”

You roll your eyes, unable to help the pink hue spreading over your face. Maybe you're still half asleep, maybe you’re just hopelessly in love with him. Either way you’re screwed. You whine with a hint of annoyance.

“Osamuuuu…”

Oh how he loves when you say his name like that. Maybe it’s time for you two to skip breakfast, he already does anyway, but he knows you actually need nutrients to function. He replies in a singsong voice.

“Yeeesss?”

“I’m making pancakes and you are going to sit down and wait.”

You point at the kitchen counter trying to be stern, and of course, failing miserably.

He looks back at the stool and then back at you. He leans within inches of your face, his nose poking yours. He clicks his tongue disapprovingly and winks.

“No can do, cutie~”

You two spend the morning making breakfast, or at least trying to. YOU are trying to, anyway. Everytime you go to gather ingredients, he’s already handing them to you. When your back is turned to him, you feel his arms snaking around you as you flip pancakes unevenly due to the distracting trail of kisses he's leaving down your neck. You secretly smile to yourself whenever you’re not feigning irritation, you know he loves the banter… Why not indulge the poor man?

You serve two plates and sit down, along with two mugs of coffee. Dazai isn’t allowed to have caffeine around you, but once again, you took pity on him today for some reason… or is it his mystifying persuasion manipulation at play here? He takes a sip of his mug and a satisfying ‘Ahh’ releases soon after. He flickers his eyes towards you as you're about to sip yours as well, and it’s like the world stops. His pupils dilate and he watches intently as the rim reaches your lips, resting his chin on his palm as he leans lazily over the counter. He’s like a dog watching its owner adoringly. During his trance-like state, he thinks about how if you lived together this would be his every day routine. He could get used to watching you drink coffee and eat food. You'd wake up next to each other and hold hands as you watch the sun rise. He would tell you how breathtaking you look with bedhead and make you late for work after failing to keep his hands to himself. Maybe then you wouldn't think he's such an impenetrable wall of secrets. He wonders if there's a future where all of that happens... He snaps out of it, and murmurs.

“Can I have a taste?”

You perk up and look over, tilting your head to the side, amused.

“What, the coffee? You have your own.”

He’s so focused now, staring at your full lips, thinking of a proper answer. He wants to tell you that he's never had intimate moments like these with anyone else and he doesn’t know how long it’ll last before his luck with you runs out, that he’s afraid you’ll see right through his one dimensional facade and leave him for good. That you won’t follow him to his untimely demise should he ever fall, so he has to capture every second of it so he can keep you in his mind forever. He has to lock you up in his heart and throw away the key, otherwise becoming a man of virtue loses all its meaning.

Instead, he opts for the less complicated route, the corners of his lips curling up into a coy smile as he places a gentle hand on your thigh.

“No, your lips, dummy. I want to taste the coffee off of your lips.”

There are no words for the audacity of Osamu Dazai and the feelings thrashing inside you when he says things like that. You smile bashfully and look away, unable to accept his shameless flirting.

“You’re so weird, Osamu…”

“Mm, I'm so yours. No takesies backsies.~"

You slowly meet his gaze, his watchful eyes that ooze devotion practically holding yours hostage… God, you are so beautiful to him. Before you can even register it, Dazai scoops you up bridal style and carries you to the living room, laying you down on the soft couch. His eyes darken as he looks down at you, his fingers tracing the outline of your lips. As soon as you show him the look of love that gives him the consent he’s looking for, he doesn’t think twice about it. He grabs your chin and pulls you into a messy kiss. He kisses you rough, his tongue almost immediately sliding into your mouth as he moans into you. His moans turn into whimpers, like he's been starved of touch for far too long and you're satiating the hunger. He needs to taste the coffee you just drank, and he wants you to know exactly how much he's been aching for this moment. For your much needed day off. For you.

He keeps his hand at your chin, pressing you down deeper into the couch with his hips grinding against yours as he tastes the acidity of the coffee along with the honey you sweetened it with.

Finally, when you literally cannot breathe, you pull away with your dazed and blissed out expression, all red in the face just like he loves. You mumble in between pants.

“Wait— So... What exactly was the plan for today?”

He looks up from running his tongue along your jawline and flashes you that infamously deceptive smile he perpetually keeps on his face, tapping his index finger on your cheek. His voice comes out in a breathy whisper.

“Breakfast.”

“.. But we already had breakfast.”

He sighs deeply and his finger ghosts its way from your cheek down to the waistband of your pajama bottoms as he needily mumbles in your ear.

“Still hungry.. I’m a growing boy, you know.~”

You let out a breathless laugh, shaking your head.

"You're going to tire me, Osamu.. Work wears me out enough as is-"

He wiggles a finger at you, face full of sickening desire as he carefully lowers his head down by your stomach, resting his cheek on your soft flesh. He murmurs in that soft pleading way that drives you insane when he combos it with his reverent touch.

"Listen to me, please. No more work talk... No more stressing out your pretty self, okay? I haaaaate demanding jobs. It only takes you away from me."

You look down and simply nod, your eyes trained on the way he looks at you from under his lashes and the soft brown hair that frames his face. Your heart races with anticipation as a smile slowly creeps up onto your lips. You don't need words for what comes next.

For the rest of the day, he makes sure you have the best time off, it's the least he can do as your incredibly attentive and not selfish at all boyfriend! A day where you can shut out all thoughts of work... along with literally anything else that doesn't relate to him.

Unfortunately for you, there is no resting involved on said day. Fortunately for Dazai, you look so cute as you writhe under him for hours on end. That'll get it through your pretty little skull not to work so much.

[flowers-of-buffoonery]

chuuya:

chuuya, a couple minutes later:

[lady-shadow-and-darkness]

I'm rewatching season 2 and...

GOD I FORGOT ABOUT THIS LINE THEY ARE SO URGH

[etrevil]

NOT MY BOY

WHERE'S MY BOY'S COCKY, "IMMA ROCK YOUR SHIT" POSE 😭😭😭

This is the worst thing vampirism done to Chuuya other than shooting Dazai lol

[flamie-42]

Realization pt 6

Dazai: *scared walking into his and Chuuyas office* Chuuya. Hey are you in here? Chuuya: yeah what’s up? Dazai: umm I think we might be a little dumb Chuuya: WHO THE HELL YOU CALLING DUMB, MORON? Dazai: both of us. Chuuya, how would I be cursed Chuuya: *confused* the hell you talking about? Dazai: Chuuya my ability... Chuuya: ...oh...OH Dazai: *nervous* yeah… Chuuya: Ane-san was right? Dazai: *more nervous* yeah... Chuuya: we are in love with eachother??? Dazai: yeah... Chuuya: say something! Dazai: *shruggs* Chuuya: *annoyed* ugh i hate you so much Dazai: love you too slug! *makes a heart with his hands* Chuuya: *blushes* tch Part 6 ~ Part 5 ~ Part 4 ~ Part 3 ~ Part 2 ~ Part 1

[classyinnie]

He hates you.

He hates the way you wear your emotions on your sleeves. It’s excruciatingly endearing to find your gentleness in a world that does nothing but provide you with worries. He hates how, despite your doubts and trepidations, you still look at it with such wonder one couldn’t even fathom or place.

He'd always wondered how such a pure soul—beaten and calloused—can look at the endless possibilities before them and believe they’re worth it.

He considered he might be a coward then, for don’t we all have fears that stop us from stepping beyond the line that confines our capabilities?

He hates your gentleness. How you look at people like they hold the world in their hands. How you listen intently to everything they have to say. How you would offer a hand even if your arms are already full.

He hates the way you wear kindness. How it’s perfectly knitted to your skin, it’s almost second nature. He hates how you would go out of your way to put others before yourself.

"Selfless", he would call you.

"Pushover", he would label you.

But insults were a mere façade to the raging questions in his head as to how. How do you have so much to give?

But most of all, he hates himself for not hating you. Not even a fraction.

You are like a printed polaroid; he wants to vigorously shake to reveal the entire picture.

A pipe dream, that’s what you are. But that doesn't erase the fact that he once stooped so low to even—in his unabashed desperation—consider asking himself if he is worthy enough to experience what it's like to be cared for by you.

—Tsukishima, Iwaizumi, KYOTANI, Osamu, KAGEYAMA, Kenma, Sakusa, Suna

[tzoiiann]

..𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 𝐒𝐔𝐍𝐋𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓 𝐎𝐍 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐅𝐀𝐂𝐄, 𝐈𝐍 𝐌𝐘 𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐑-𝐕𝐈𝐄𝐖.

⋆⭒˚.⋆ Dazai Osamu x Fem!Reader

synopsis: you and dazai always agreed on one thing; not to get feelings involved whenever you had your certain encounters. but, did you really keep your word?

tw: brief mentions of sex, friends with benefits, eventual fluff, dazai being down bad, non-sexual nudity, dazai being a boobs guy change my mind

notes: OMGOMGOMG FIRST FIC?!?! hope you enjoy reading it because i spent a lot of time on it </3

˚　　　　✦　　　.　　. 　 ˚　.　　　　　 . ✦　　　 　˚　　　　 . ★⋆. ࿐࿔

in your eyes, dazai osamu had always been a human riddle. what was really hidden behind that signature smirk he always flashed waitresses at cafes? what was his past like? just who was he? these questions would always remind you that you had half a mind about your little encounters with him. you knew for a fact that he worked as a detective in the armed detective agency, but what about in the past, how in the world did he make ends meet?

those exact thoughts were running through your head the moment you caught your breath after coming down from your high. you faced the ceiling with a blank stare, your eyes struggling to focus. taking one last breath, you turned to look at dazai who was surprisingly in the same state as you; his gaze hazy, his hair having turned into a complete mess from the intensity of it all and droplets of sweat running down his the side of temple and on the pillow. you silently stared at him, contemplating whether you should strike up a conversation or just wait for him to speak up himself. you decided on the former, the buzzing of your ears making the silence deafening.

“..uhm, are you alright? let me go get you a glass of water, or something.”—“hm? no need to ‘bella, ’m fine.” he let out a quiet giggle at that, his hand coming up and resting over his eyes as he let out a deep exhale. you merely blinked at him, unsure of what else to say, so you simply sat up on the bed, looking over to the pile of clothes left on the floor. you made an attempt to get up and gather your clothing when suddenly, you felt a hand wrap around your wrist and forcefully pull you towards its direction. you fell back on the bed with a grunt, looking over at dazai with a puzzled expression. his expression however, in contrast to yours, was nothing but innocent, seemingly harmless and only intended for good. but you knew for a fact that ‘dazai osamu’ and ‘good’ should never be in the same sentence. your eyes narrowed in suspicion, but quickly softened the moment you locked gazes. you noticed the afternoon sun casting upon his eyes, giving them the softest honey-like hue you’d ever seen in a person. your eyebrows furrowed as you kept looking at him dumbfounded, not realising you’d given him the most adorable look he’d seen in a while.

“what?” you spoke up, now genuinely confused on why he did that in the first place. his gaze shifted from yours, his eyes closing as he gave you that same signature smirk, however, this time, it was more genuine and soft. “i ripped your clothes off of you, ‘donna, what are you trynna’ retrieve?” you look at him blankly, your jaw dropping slightly as you did in fact remember him ripping your clothes to shreds in the heat of the moment, and due to his impatience. you let out a deep sigh, burying your face into your hands as you let out a loud groan. “are you fucking kidding me!? am i supposed to go out wearing what!- a cardboard box!?”—“don’t worry your pretty little head, just wear one of my shirts or somethin’. you’re tiny anyway, you’ll fit in it just fine~” he put on his sing-song voice for the last part, the same voice that made the corner of your eyes twitch every time he used it. you remained silent, maybe using his shirt as a makeshift dress wouldn’t be a bad idea right? right? “…” you blinked at him, exhaling through your nose “fine, whatever.” you got up from the bed, gathering your undergarments that were piled up on the floor, slipping them on quickly before walking over to the closet and opening. you glanced around it. finally, a white button-up shirt caught your interest. that could work, you thought, it was simple enough.

you put his shirt on, working your way up with the buttons. to no surprise, it was painfully oversized. the bottom of the shirt reached in between your upper and mid thigh, and it hanged incredibly low on your collarbone. you let out a sigh before shifting it on your body a bit, letting it hang off one of your shoulders and call it a day. the sunlight of the midday was casting upon you, with the shirt being practically transparent every curve of your body could be seen clearly. yet, the highlight of it all was your perky nipples that poked oh so obviously through the white shirt. as you were caught up in your thoughts, you noticed that dazai had been quiet for a while now. wondering what in the world could he be plotting again, you turned around to face him. you were expecting to be met either with a smirk or a whistle from him, but to your surprise, you were met with a pair of big, brown eyes that were looking you up and down in an adoring way. your eyebrows furrowed at that, arms crossing as you stared back at him with a puzzled look.

“you’re staring.” you pointed out in a matter-of-fact tone, your eyes never leaving his as you waited for an explanation at last. dazai merely blinked at you, a small chuckle leaving him as he rolls his eyes in an exaggerated way. “no i’m not.” and as you expected, you were met with his signature smirk. nonetheless, this time it was more soft and raw, more genuine. you shook your head at that, too fed up with him lying straight into your face. “then your eyes are stuck, maybe you need a firm uppercut to recover.” you replied in a voice full of mockery, your eyes never leaving his. lastly, he let out the faintest of a scoff as she fully turned to face you, his gaze intense. “can’t help it, angel. you’re too pretty not to be stared at.”

you paused at that. sure, you were used to getting a few subtle compliments from him here and there, but being called pretty? your eyebrows furrowed significantly, your lips forming into a frown. a mere comment made it obvious that he was into you that way. you gulped and let out a small sigh. you froze even more the moment you remembered your agreement: just fuck buddies, no feelings involved. the agreement you had to painfully suck up and push your feelings away for just for his sake. you remained silent, the suffocating pressure on your chest becoming heavier by the second. no, this had to stop. morally, making love is done only in between lovers, thus the name. but you? you were not even close to being classified as it. each interaction with anyone would either be considered a relationship, a friendship or nothing. you were nothing. nothing to each other, nothing to the relationship. you were just a blank space floating around in a universe full of love. after gathering your thoughts, you decided to break the silence by finally speaking up, your voice shaky.

“no- shut up, shut the fuck up. we are not lovers, we are nothing. you have no right to call me pretty when i’m a borderline stranger to you. if you want us to be something, then it’s exclusively a relationship.” you saw his grin drop the moment you spoke in a firm voice. you took a moment to think before speaking up again. “i’m tired of this, dazai. i cannot handle just being manhandled like a ragdoll in a fucking sex position like it’s the only thing i’m good for. i don’t even remember the last time you said something nice to me for anything other than my appearance, like the supposed friend you are. maybe that’s all i am to you a domesticated whore.” you remained silent after that, nervously biting on your lip as you leaned your back against the closet door. you stared back into his now slightly widened eyes. you cursed yourself for the fluttering feeling in your heart and the heat burning into your cheeks every time you gazed at him, it was ironic considering the words you had spat out a few seconds ago that were spilt like venom into an open wound, his wound. the wound of the gapping hole in his heart.

you remained silent after that. you mentally cursed at yourself for letting such words slip out. you let out a deep sigh before turning to look at dazai; he was stunned. his eyes were shifting frantically from you to the wall, he was profusely dumbfounded. you let out a faint scoff before waking over to him and sitting on the edge of the bed, one hand coming up to push his bangs out of his eyes.

“’m sorry, i’m just fed up with this situation, please forgive me.” you blinked once as your eyes shifted to his, and immediately saw them soften once you gazed at him with a hopeful look. he just remained staring at you with a half-smile, until it turned into a full-blown smirk, the same one he used to tease everyone out of their minds.

“aww, don’t tell me you have such feelings for me ’donna! oh my my my, whatever am i going to do?” he whined in his sing-song voice, his bicep placed over his eyes in a dramatic manner as he kept up with his melodramatic act. you let out a mere scoff. even though he wasn’t taking it as seriously as you would’ve liked him to, his reaction couldn’t help but make you let out a small giggle. “shut up, just tell me yes or no.” you let out a sigh, your breath shaky with nervousness as you blinked at him with anticipation.

he went silent after that, he really did seem to be considering your offer, it was a demanding one at that. “hmm, fine, whatever. buuuut! i’m expecting you to give me hourly kisses.” his lips formed into an exaggerated pout once he crossed his arms, his gaze never faltering from yours. you looked at him with a indifferent yet warm look as you shook your head. “god are you impossible, fine.” you scooted closer to him, your arms hesitantly wrapping around his neck in an embrace as you pulled his head towards your collarbone, letting it rest there. you tilted your head to the side, letting your cheek rest on top of his forehead as you pressed a small, yet lingering kiss to his temple.

“you will better have counted 30 by the end of the day.”

“oh, for fuck’s sake!”

——————————————————————

[moraymiso]

as an angst lover myself who indulges often in slightly-not-so-canon creations for the sake of melancholy, i think the worst effect that the fandom's love of fanon angst has had is people fundamentally misunderstanding and misinterpreting dazai's relationship with akutagawa. but i don't think we're ready for this conversation yet

[i-eat-mold]

Do you ever think about whether Oda ever received a call in the middle of the night from Dazai? How Oda knew dazai was just too stubborn to ask anyone for help. Maybe just once he was worried about the kid, he said ‘to call him if he ever needed him, he didn’t even have to tell him why, if dazai called him he’d go and get him, any time, anywhere’. How Dazai brushed it off with a joke, but one night Oda receives a call in the middle of the night and when he sees the caller ID his heart drops, and as promised, Oda gets in the car and speeds out to get Dazai without a single word needed to be spoken. Do you ever think about how many nights Oda might have lost sleep because he was worried about this kid? and how he’d never forgive himself if he needed him but he wasn’t awake to pick up his call? Do you ever think about how oda might have looked at this boy and thought “how can they not see he’s just a kid? How can they see him as a demon? As a monster? All I see is a scared, alone little kid. How can they not see this? How can they not think it’s inhumane to let him live in a literal metal container?” Ever think how he saw the empty eyes of this kid and wanted to take him in? Give him a warm meal? A hug? A real bed? Ever think how he must’ve felt knowing he was his only real friend, and how he must have felt when he was dying in this kids arms, this lonely, sad, messed up kids arms, leaving him behind? How he cared so deeply about this kid that his final words were to plea him to get out of that darkness, to seek light? Ever think about how proud he must be of this kid, now grown, for staying alive and taking in other lost children the way he wanted to take him in? Ever think of that?

[blobwithapencil]

Happy birthday, Chuuya!

+ No text

[yayll]

heyyy! I just read ur rockstar!Dazai fic and it honestly reminded me of this idea I had!!! (loved the fic btw!) Are you able to write an actor!dazai x fem!actor reader and they r fake dating while secretly being rivals ?? (I’d like 2 be known as 🦎-anon!)

hiiii 🦎 anon hehe

i'm sorry this was quite the wait, i LOVED your idea and i wanted to write it properly and i kind of took some liberties so i hope you enjoy it regardless? thank you for trusting me w your fic idea actor!dazai now haunts me actually dazai in any like, imagine just fucks my shit up that man is a menace in any story i put him in and i'm so glad others agree. i love u baby mwah u get so many ivy kisses

~ a little something about you and actor!Dazai keeping up appearances ~

"You're choking meee!"

"I'm just fixing your tie, Osamu-"

"It's babe, actually."

"It's whatever I want if you want me to keep holding your hand in public, jerk."

He pouts at this. What a cute little meanie you were! Always scolding him and spewing empty threats as if you were hot shit. You were hot shit, and that was only the beginning of his problems... The biggest one right now being backstage with you while attending the hottest awards show of the year.

Just before he can respond, the curtains are drawn and it's a stagehand whisking you two away to present the next award infront of thousands of fans. You're walking side by side, your heels clicking with each step when Dazai leans in to whisper something.

"You should stand on my left, my right side is more attractive."

"We're both facing forward, does it matter?"

He raises a brow and huffs dramatically in typical Dazai fashion. You two had been 'dating' for a year now, everyone was invested in this blooming romance ever since you both started in that drama together, now it's nothing but red hearts for you two.

It wasn't planned, it just kind of happened... It also wasn't completely awful, but it was the goddamn ego on Dazai that really made you want to strangle him sometimes. He knew he was pretty and desired, and what a threat you were with such an iconic streak in all of your latest projects. No wonder you two had to be paired together, on your own you were both dynamite. An unstable formula that needed to be stabilized by combining it together. Thanks to Dazai, you learned very quickly it could always get worse.

You present the award holding hands the entire time, an act highly encouraged by the need to convince, and yet when it's you two doing it it never feels as forced as you'd like it to be. There is a comfortability in the role of this relationship, you've come to realize yet supress. You'll hold hands for so long you begin to get clammy, and it's certainly not because he dotes on you almost every time he speaks! Which he hates doing... It's just a script, after all. Duh.

You're both making your way out of the venue towards the car that awaits to drive you to the after party when you're ambushed by interviewers and hundreds of flashes that yell out speed questions.

"Does the beautiful couple have time to stop and answer a few things for us tonight!"

Dazai loves that shit. Of course he has the time, he doesn't care if you don't. He has to sell it, obviously, since you don't put in the effort according to him. He flashes the interviewer that sardonic little smirk you hate and speaks innocently.

"Why, us? Sure! Right, honey?"

He turns to you and the crowd loves it. You hold back how badly you want to roll your eyes and simply smile, holding yourself high with grace and a ton of media training.

"We'd love to."

The interviewer is overjoyed as she looks between you and Dazai, taking in that affection that radiates from your false words. She grins as she goes along to ask her question.

"So, I think a lot of the fans are wondering..."

You and Dazai perk up, not even realizing that you're clutching the bottom of your dress so tighty that your knuckles are white. The interviewer looks directly at you.

"The two of you have been the most stunning couple the industry has seen in a while. Any plans for the future?"

You freeze. Ugh, not this again. You shake your head, smirking to yourself at the absurdity of the concept alone.

"Thank you, but honestly we're just taking things day by day. There's no rush between us, we have all we need right here and now."

The journalist smiles again and nods, seemingly impressed by your laid back attitude. Dazai snorts and suddenly interjects, clearly having a cheeky response to give to the crowd of journalists.

"We'll have tons of kids in the future, actually~"

Your panic is so instant that you literally laugh out loud, yet recover quickly by turning your shock into a playful glance at your lover. You manage a more sweet giggle and smack him on the chest a little harder than people would guess.

"Ooh, he's joking, of course."

The journalist rejoices, finding your banter and your overall interaction as a couple cute. The ideal power couple! Dazai grins and turns to you again, leaning in to tease you, his narrowed Hazelnut eyes piercing into you like a promise.

"Not joking. One day we're going to have a massive pack of little kids running around. And it's going to be your fault for being sooo cute~"

And with that, he leans in all the way into a million dollar kiss on your confused and parted lips. You're taken so offguard you almost fall back and of course grab onto him a little tighter... and run your fingers through his disheveled hair you forgot to nag him to cut... As the cameras go off like crazy, you wonder if it's worth ruining your public image for a while just so you can slap him harder than you ever have before.

Everyone's cooing and you're fuming, so you settle for a quick thank you and goodbye as you drag Dazai off the red carpet and into the car. He's giggling the entire time, of course. As soon as the door shuts out the screaming fans watching you drive off, you turn to Dazai and whisper ardently.

"What was that all about?! We didn't discuss this prior to-"

"... You liked it."

"Huh?"

"You liked it when I kissed you."

You scoff, though it sounds like you're choking.

"I did not. I just did what I had-"

"... And you want to have my babies. That's adorable, how devoted of you!"

You smack him on the arm but he's smiling like a cat who's had too much catnip, too far gone into his delusions to care about the repercussions. Love is love, after all...

"I think we should break up, like officially. You're nuts. The press won't let that go, Osamu."

He perks up, snapping out of his stasis and crinkles his nose in disapproval. He shakes his head, his hand on his chin as if in deep thought. Dazai mutters, barely above a whisper.

"... We won't actually break up, though."

"And why not?"

"Because in about 60 seconds we're going to kiss again and you'll be clinging onto me the entire night."

You snort into a laugh, tilting your head in disbelief. The car slowly comes to a halt as you arrive at the after party where a familiar roar of the crowd awaits to greet you once more. You begin your futile argument yet again.

"I don't see why I would do that."

At such a silly reply, Dazai softens his voice, looking at you like he first did when you both met on set a year ago. A lifetime ago. You're so cute when you're playing dumb. He shrugs, carefree.

"Neither do I, which is why I want to know too. I want to know what you're thinking about, if it's me."

You hate the way he sounds so sincere, like a real boyfriend would if he were trying to convince you you're just as into him as he is into you. Mind games is what it is, or at least you hope so. You really hope so.

You sigh, suddenly over the conversation as you open the car door to begin climbing out. Dazai follows suit and the roar of the crowd makes your chest feel tight as overstimulation takes over. You want to be anywhere but here and you wonder if you're having some sort of panic attack, but it just doesn't feel describable.

You turn wildly, disoriented by the camera flashes and instant fuss of the press, only to be faced by your one and only savior: the omnipotent Osamu Dazai. You don't know what it is about him in that moment, you just glide into his arms and complete the prophecy as you hook your arm with his, taking deep breaths as you finally ground yourself. It feels like the right kind of wrong, and you don't care to question it.

You feel a squeeze and a soft velvety voice whisper to you once again, you don't even have to look at him to know he's as smug as ever. But amongst the teasing, there's affection there too...

"So, am I?"

"Are you what, Osamu?"

"On your mind."

"At this point you're practically a permanent resident."

You hear him hum, a smile still present on his lips, the world simply frozen for him to continue his private conversation with you in public.

"Hmm, remind me to have you repeat that to me later."

This causes you to squeeze his arm back and murmur in genuine curiosity, finally daring to face him. He's already looking right at you, so devilish and angelic at the same time that you can't even look away.

"Why?"

"Because your time's up. 60 seconds, remember? Now come and kiss me already, the camera's are waiting~"

The photos of you two that night were the envy of couples everywhere. If only they knew how the ride back to the hotel went, it would be a scandal! Or simply the next step in your future?

[morphestic]

okay one, the HEIGHT difference?

two, wth is dazai wearing, but honestly who cares because he looks good regardless

and three, did i point out the HEIGHT dIFERENCE already??? i'm never going to shut up about them EVER