#orv just kept being good after that

[fallloverfic]

I am legitimately confused by repeated comments that ORV's opening is slow or boring or uninteresting, especially people who say you need to read [insert some very large number of pages/chapters] to get to the "good" parts. I've seen this on multiple socials at this point and I originally wrote this post months ago, but recent potential news has brought back people saying this again, particularly in recommending it to other people/trying to get other people into it.

I would personally argue that ORV has a good opening. A very good opening. And the early part of it is very good, too.

ORV opens with a literal train of angst, attempted friendship, workplace harassment (Sangah getting harassed by her boss), some neat Korean folklore (dokkaebis hello), graphic violence (remember when Bihyeong just kills the president on TV?), a group of people in a subway attempting to beat an old woman to death, Dokja winning a pissing contest with a teenage edgelord, a bunch of people getting murdered, bonding in times in despair over a really unique form of problem solving, a man breaking open subway doors with his bare arms, young love, and magic, fleeing onto a bridge that gets exploded to bits by an evil gremlin, a horde of zombies appearing, the protagonist getting new magic powers, and then his getting held by the neck over said broken bridge in a complex back and forth with the "true" story protagonist before getting dropped into the mouth of a giant sea monster.

It covers topics like the limits of human compassion in times of strife, the complicated presence of the military (Dokja hated his time being drafted v Hyeonseong's military leadership doesn't save anyone), international relations (Sangah is learning Spanish), trope subversion (I mean it is and isn't the entire book and Dokja's character, but he's constantly trying to be 5-10 steps ahead of what's going on, including literally fleeing Junghyeok until Junghyeok grabs him by the collar), workplace harassment, bullying, and it's all taking place during multiple apocalypse scenarios.

This is the like first 11 chapters of the book. And it never stops. There are "slower" moments, moments where characters take a breather (like it takes a while for Dokja to negotiate his contract with Bihyeong, which is slow if you ignore the fact Dokja is arguing with an interdimensional being/alien for the limits of his own life and autonomy in the most dangerous streaming event imaginable, knowing he may still die if he gambles wrong on his personal wikipedia brain), but it's still frequently confrontational, whether that confrontation is about what characters mean to each other, what lives are at stake, finding your purpose in life, adaptability to complex circumstances, overcoming trauma and self-doubt...

And it's more intense in a way in the manhwa adaptation because you can clearly see most of it visualized (e.g., how visually wrecked the characters get, how young the kids are, how terrifying the monsters are, how scary the odds are, and how dangerous Dokja's gambles can really get with a fickle streaming audience), and Sleepy-C's art is gorgeous.

I just have to wonder (though this is more of a rhetorical question), what on earth do people consider fast? Because I am quite honestly terrified of what the answer is.

Like I get that ORV is long. It can be hard to recommend very long books to folks (and as the manhwa keeps going, long comics). To each their own, everyone is different, what appeals to me won't appeal to others. But there's a difference between "it's hard to recommend a very long work to someone" and "it's hard to recommend something that's long and takes a while to get into", and maybe folks are just writing the former a bit weirdly. I completely understand having trouble recommending long series to people. Also ORV has a very complex plot and I don't blame folks having trouble recommending that. I'm writing fic for later parts of orv and other manhwa and I dread explaining all the context for all that to someone who hasn't read them.

That being said, ORV has a very good introduction. Both chapter 1 of the novel and episode 1 of the manhwa are very good. They're not perfect, I can't say I was hooked from the immediate moment I started reading the page, but both of them have good introductions and it doesn't stop, and there's stuff to love in just about every chapter/episode, and I was definitely hooked enough by the time I finished to keep going to chapter/episode 2. Chapter 1 of the novel has great angst and character building, and it's funny and sweet and tragic. When I first read Dokja trying, earnestly, to recommend TWSA and getting harassed about it and worrying it will hurt this art and artist he cares about, but not being able to do much else to give thanks for this experience because of his circumstances, I cried. The first page/episode of the manhwa has them delicious boys love vibes and gorgeous art (and cute baby Dokja, I die for him), and the promise of a fascinating story ahead, and then the following page/episode has more gorgeous art and angst and great characters (combining them cause the first page feels sort of more like a teaser than a first page, though Episode 0 ends with a spread of Kimcom that makes me tear up). We'll unfortunately never know if I'd have loved ORV as much if I'd read the novel first, but I like to think I would cause ORV's opening is just that good.

I just truly, truly do not understand the sentiment that idk the opening and the first [insert large number of pages/chapters] aren't good or interesting or engaging enough. Maybe I'm out of touch. To each their own on what appeals, maybe I'm built different (doubt it though) but it just feels kind of dismissive of ORV's opening, in both the novel and the manhwa, which are both really good. Will it win over everyone? No. It's fine if you weren't grabbed by the opening or the first [insert however many pages/chapters/arcs]. It's fine if you took a while, even a long while to get into it, or never really did, and maybe don't like the manhwa, which is a great gateway into the story, or don't like the novel for whatever reason and prefer the manhwa. And at the end of the day it's just random opinions online, we all have different ones. Make the posts that appeal to you on your blog, complain on your socmed, whatever. But the opening is good, it keeps you very engaged with a lot of difficult scenarios, the characters are great and fun and funny, in those parts especially, and idk why I'm supposed to pretend that's not the case.

Anyway I don't like writing complaint posts. The opening and general start are excellent and Imma go back and cry over Dokja again ty singNsong for my tears.

[orphiclovers]

I think the most notable bit of character insight on Yoo Joonghyuk that Yoo Mia SS provides is how much the apocalypse did not change him at all.

It's one of those Big Themes orv has, and simply brilliant writing. Y'know how they kept beating us over the head with the concept of 'the people who find it easiest to adapt in a ruined world are those who could not adapt to real life?'. That applies to YJH too, and even more than other characters. But it's hard to notice on a casual main story read because genre conventions and his character archetype tell us not to look deeper, that he is just a basic brooding power fantasy manhwa protagonist, even when he's really not.

So the audience writes off his quirks because it's expected of his brooding hero archetype and the other apocalypse survivors write off his quirks because everyone who has gotten this far is a little nuts and also they have bigger problems.

But when Yoo Joonghyuk acts exactly like he does during the apocalypse in a pre-scenario world where there's no convienient explanation it's really clear that he is different and he just comes off as...off.

His silence during conversations is no longer mysterious and cool but just weird and a failure to read social cues. His 'glare' is frightening and people don't like when he makes eye contact with them. His manner of speech is off-putting. His blank emotionless face is not stoic repressed hero-esque but ""rude"" etc etc. Every single mainstream society conforming person can tell there's something off about him so they avoid him. And YJH doesn't know how to communicate so he ends up totally friendless (save for a literal mafia boss and a crazy time-traveling teenage girl - and only them, because they don't fit well into society either.)

Umm where was I. So, but I don't know how much effect all of that has on World of Zero. Firstly, because between Yoo Mia side story and World of Zero there are 3-4 years of '?????' where afaik we have no idea what Yoo Joonghyuk was doing. He stopped being a gamer at some point but also got rich at the same time (doing what?) and bought the house he daydreamed about and also became a total shut-in who 'doesn't go outside often'. I have fanfic-y theories but nothing canon.

Onto the second part of the ask.

With World of Zero era joongdok I feel like there's a lot of writers out there who have made their own versions that are better than anything I could come up with so I hope you wont be disapointed. That being said I do have some thoughts.

Speaking of fanfic, here is mine under read more lol.

I think it's super that Kim Dokja gains the power of an omnipotent god and the very first thing he does is devote his time to Yoo Joonghyuk's happiness and safety. The whole reason he became OD was because of his massive guilt complex about YJH, so it makes sense that he would try to atone.

Zero starts off mistrusting him but gradually KDJ proves himself as having Zero's best interests at heart 100% of the time. DKOS is YJH's guardian angel. And then KDJ stays watching over him even after the scenarios were over, seeing him go through boring life milestones, happy as long as YJH is happy, for seemingly no reason.

So it's no wonder Yoo Jooghyuk fell in love.

He might not know Salvation's real name or appearance or anything about him but he wants to get to know him, this person who has saved him so many times while asking nothing in return. It doesn't matter that he's a constellation because he is good, Yoo Joonghyuk knows. He confesses all of this to Salvation, looking up at the sky with eyes sparkling with life and passion.

Salvation lets him down gently, for what it's worth, but rejection is still rejection and it hurts.

In the following weeks, as he goes through the motions and pretends nothing happened, he continues to feel the gaze of Salvation on his back, but the constellation stays mercifully silent. Yoo Joonghyuk does not want to know if it's pity he's looking at him with. Even heartbreak heals, of course. Months pass, then years. Lee Seolhwa was a dependable companion to him during the scenarios and stays a steadying presence in the world after. They're compatable. She is someone with who he could see himself growing old.

Salvation told him to 'be free, to fall in love with someone who could be with him, to not waste his time chasing after a dream, to live his life to the fullest'

He knows about his attribute of course, just like he knows everything about Yoo Joonghyuk.

Yoo Joonghyuk sees no point in lying. He tells Lee Seolhwa everything. How due to his attribute he will grown old and die while the rest of them stay youthful as ever, how he doesn't remember his childhood or know his parents. His hopes and dreams, how he yearns to learn his origins. About the first scenario, about the constellation who would have been his sponsor, whom he loves.

Then he asks to marry her. She says yes.

Salvation is the first person Yoo Joonghyuk tells. He's happy for him, of course, says he always knew there was a spark between them.

They live a long 50 years together.

When Yoo Joonghyuk's hair started turning more salt than pepper, he told Lee Seolhwa that he wouldn't hold her. She laughed, stroked his head and said that she might not look it but she is two years older than him, that she vowed to be by his side till death did them apart and she will not break that promise.

When his time comes and he knows he has to leave, he tries to explain himself to Lee Seolhwa at least, if not the rest of his old companions. But he needn't have bothered. Before he could start, she took his hands in hers and smiled wistfully. She told him she always knew this day would come. That his heart has always belonged to someone else. She's thankful for the time he has given her anyway and that she could not have asked for a better husband. She sheads a few tears and Yoo Joonghyuk does too, but he leaves their house with a sense of purpose and a lightness in his heart he has not felt once since the day he beat the final scenario.

And then he accepts the sponsorship contract with Salvation.

... .. Sooo, that's how I think round zero went.

[i-am-totally-meh]

ORV X OG!CALE

More under the cut because this post is a bit of a long one!

When the apocalypse first started, Cale did not think he was going to survive because he did not like the idea of killing someone. However, Ron came to save the day! Ron got his kill and made sure Vicross got his before ordering him to protect Cale much to Vicross' dismay. Ron basically subdued multiple people who looked like they were going to kill the Henituse family and brought them for others to kill. (He mainly does this because he sees this as a good time to repay a favor and later stays because he sees there is some stability still in the Henituse territory.) This allows the Henituse family to survive.

Cale was honestly surprised he made it even if he didn't really have to do anything other than kick down and stomp onto his morals. Now, as time continues on, surviving with his family and the scary duo of Ron and Vicross becomes easier, and they start to see through his trashy mask.

Because would trash repeatedly check up on them and donate coins when they are running low? No, trash wouldn't, but Cale does. Cale starts to hunt monsters with Vicross for food (someone help him, he's terrified but not of the monsters.)

So, the relationships of the family are still strained, but there is a lot less awkwardness. Who knew that all it would take was the end of the world for some improvements. Moving on, on one of their monster hunting trips, they ran into Rok Soo, who was becoming quite popular as a hero. However Cale’s problem was that this dude looked just like him!

There are a lot more run-ins between Cale and Rok Soo before they start talking. Later, when things are becoming even more dangerous, Cale decides to make a deal with the man who was becoming closer and closer to a God each day. Cale said he would do everything and anything for Rok Soo if Rok Soo kept his family safe and happy, Rok Soo had agreed because he needed to Cale act as him.

This later becomes a very common occurrence, Cale would travel places while acting as Rok Soo to confuse the enemy on Rok Soo's whereabouts. This has even worked against the constellations before. Cale helping out Rok Soo so much was beginning to bring up his fame too, his fame as a hero.

He didn't know how to feel about that, but he does know that he has begun to like his lookalike. And that he has gotten very used to having extensions in his hair.

This is why he was rather sad to see his friend become a constellation, but him becoming a constellation was to save their world so he doesn't dwell on it.

With everything over, Cale thought he would go back to being an alcoholic but he was scouted by a group who was trying to revive the arts after the devastating apocalypse. This included dancing and painting, but more importantly, theater. Cale’s acting as Rok Soo has made the group try and bring him into the theater world.

Cale, with nothing better to do, agrees and becomes known as a famous actor. He normally gets casted as Rok Soo (even when he is a character in the play, they cast him as Rok Soo)

He thinks the best part of his new job as an actor is that his family attends all of his plays. He had sent out an invite at first with little hope, but when he saw their faces in the crowd- he didn't know how to describe the feeling.

That's the end of that! And now I give you a very large collection of drawings.

Cale after his performance, it's a bit messy but I was very out of my element here!

Next, we have Cale and Rok Soo hanging out.

Cale was meant to say, "Yep! But only you can tell." Or something along those lines.

And lastly is Cale when this all started.

That's all I got! While I'm here I would just like to thank the people who have left comments on my stuff, it really makes me smile and I always want to reply and say thank you but I don't want to sound like a bot! I always worry about things like that, but I'm trying to get better at it.

[metanarrates]

What you wrote about letting the Poster in your mind die struck a cord in me. Lately when I'm writing I can't help but censor myself & add a tone of irony to it & lampshade cliches. Do you have any advice on how to write earnestly? Do you have any favorite media that is written with sincerity you would suggest?

my opinion is that if you're trying to cut out your own urges to be ironic and detached DURING the process of writing, you may end up overly scrutinizing your writing while it's happening, and that's usually what gets you too trapped in your own head to even get many words out. my advice is to simply let it happen in the first draft of whatever you come up with, and then have it be one of the things you look for while going over it in editing. ask yourself when you edit: am I saying what I actually want to say? am I being ironic for a reason, or is it because I don't know how to write anything else? can I try to do something less ironic? if I feel like I want to write something funny, can I come up with jokes that aren't "hey look at this cliche?"

above all else, when editing your own work, I find it valuable to think about whether this is the sort of story you really want to tell. if you feel passionate about it, why do you find it necessary to censor yourself? and if you find that you don't feel passionate about it, maybe you should restructure the work to make it more enjoyable to you. of course, not every scene in a story is fun to write, and not every moment of irony or lampshading is necessarily a bad thing. but if you find that irony is becoming a major habit in a work, it might be worth thinking about whether or not you're actually enjoying your own story.

as for the sincere media - most good media is very sincere! i actually think irony poisoning is the exception rather than the rule, though it is common enough in big blockbusters and the like that I do feel I have to complain about it. I would say most works I've read and enjoyed have been quite sincere. there's good stuff out there if you look.

that said, the works that come to my mind as being particularly upfront in their sincerity are:

mob psycho 100 - you've probably heard of this one. middle schooler with psychic powers and a severe case of emotional repression dispels a lot of ghosts with his con artist mentor and also figures out how to be a more well-adjusted person. mp100 has had a LOT of very eloquent reviews, so I won't say too much about it. it's just an extremely funny and shockingly emotionally resonant work.

witch hat atelier - absolutely gorgeous manga about a little girl who becomes an apprentice witch after discovering that magic is not exclusive to those who were born witches as she thought, but instead a teachable skill that has deliberately been kept in the hands of a few. the art in this is stellar, and its moments of horror are just as well-captured as its moments of gentleness. one of the themes of witch hat atelier is the beauty of art/magic and the joy an artist finds in its creation, and the artwork of the manga REALLY reinforces this theme. it's beautiful to look at and there's a quality of sincere love for both the work itself and its audience that suffuses the manga. though I will give a general tw for child harm - another major theme of the story is the responsibility adults, particularly teachers, have towards children, and this theme necessitates showing the ways that children can be harmed by teachers, as well as showing the ways that a good teacher can affect a child. it's very good!

omniscient reader's viewpoint: this one is LONG (over a million words) but is a great example of what I would call "post-cringe." a guy ends up seeing the events of his favorite fantasy-apocalypse action novel be recreated around him, and is determined to survive in this world where only he knows everything. one of the most charming things about orv, to me, is that the novel read by the main character is pretty obviously "cringe." it's a badly written escapist webnovel that is sometimes overly edgy, relies a lot on clichés, and can be very dense. the story points out sometimes how facts of the novel's world are kind of stupid or contrived. and yet, our protagonist loves that novel, and the story VERY much validates his love of it. despite him having at times a little bit of that ironic detachment towards the novel he loves, it's always clear that he thinks the cool monsters etc. are The Shit and that he is enthralled by the events playing out around him. the writing leans into how cool its setting and set pieces can be. hell, one of the big themes is how a story, no matter what kind of story it is, can mean everything to the reader who loves it. it's a good example of a work that can poke fun at its own clichés sometimes WHILE still loving those cliches and wanting the audience to enjoy those exact clichés.

again, there's a lot of good stuff out there! these are just my picks for having notable sincerity. if you read a lot, chances are that you will find a lot of great, earnest work. personally, I would recommend figuring out what genre you enjoy reading or watching, and then trying out some highly rated works in that genre. it's a great way to try out shit you haven't tried before! I would also recommend trying out stuff from 15 or more years ago, generally, if you're looking at more mainstream novels, movies, and TV series rather than specific genre fiction. the irony poisoning problem wasn't so prevalent then.

hope this helps!

edit: I FORGOT EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE ALL AT ONCE. please watch eeaao, it's a deeply sincere and whimsical piece of art

[buriedself]

@ HIDDENJEM JUST POSTED … thank you for the incredible response to f&s just one day after release ! so excited for the book signing tomorrow. come say hi !!!!!!!

001. STATISTICS …

GENERAL DETAILS.

FULL NAME: james abeke muyiwa. NICKNAME(S): jem, jamie. AGE:   twenty8. DATE OF BIRTH:   february 9th, 1995. PLACE OF BIRTH: new brunswick, new jersey. CURRENT LOCATION:  upper west side. GENDER:  genderfluid. PRONOUNS:  she/he/they, no preference. ORIENTATION:  bisexual. OCCUPATION: author. EDUCATION LEVEL: mfa in writing from columbia.

PHYSICAL APPEARANCE, ETC.

HEIGHT:  5'6. TATTOOS:   none. PIERCINGS: one in each ear. CLOTHING STYLE:   1) comfortable. 2) colorful & fun. DISTINGUISHING CHARACTERISTICS:  biiiiiig smile.

HEALTH.

ALLERGIES:   peanuts. SLEEPING HABITS:   poor. will often wake up in the middle of the night to write & stay up very late. non-existent sleep schedule. discord status is always active. EATING HABITS: enjoys sweets a lot. SOCIABILITY: 10/10. highly sociable. the extrovert friend. DRINKING / SMOKING / DRUGS: no / no / no.

PERSONALITY.

LABELS / TROPES:  did not think this through, most writers are writers, affectionate nickname, beware the silly / nice ones, the cutie, disappeared dad, the heart, shipper on deck, affectionate nicknames, bad liar, book smart, cheerful child, cute clumsy girl, endearingly dorky, good cannot comprehend evil, hates being alone, open mouth insert foot, perpetual smiler, silly rabbit cynicism is for losers, you are not alone. INSPIRATIONS: jester lavorre (cr2), han sooyoung (orv), jessica day (new girl), phil dunphy (modern family). POSITIVE TRAITS:   ambitious, enthusiastic, creative, expressive, mischievous NEGATIVE TRAITS: clumsy, naïve, inexperienced, credulous, over-trusting LIKES: classical music, winter, cats. DISLIKES: alcoholic drinks, tight schedules, summer. FEARS: disappointing her mother, failure. HABITS:  bouncing on toes, nervous giggling, bouncing leg, filler words HOBBIES: watching tv / movies, reading, strategy games, d&d.

FAMILY, RELATIONSHIPS, ETC.

MOTHER: alive & well. FATHER: estranged. SIGNIFICANT OTHER: none. BEST FRIEND:  tba. EXES: none. SIBLING(S): none. CHILDREN: none. PET(S):  cat named cat the second after their childhood cat named cat.

002. BIOGRAPHY / HEADCANONS …

born and raised in jersey by a single mom. dad was out of the picture and mom always told a romantic story of how he's off doing something heroic to protect their family. jem still believes this.

mom wasn't well off by any means, she had to work to put jem through school, though jem got scholarships for college. their mom gained notoriety for her incredible singing voice after a stroke of luck on american idol when jem was already a college freshman.

has always been very talented at writing to the point that nearly everytime they entered a writing competition in middle/high school, they won. their short stories were always either very poetic and prose heavy, or contained an incredible amount of world building.

published their first book, zugzwang, when they were still in college. it got picked up by a big deal publisher and while it didn't get popular, they still kept them on under the impression that they'd do very very good for the company when the time was right.

their next book, long past dawn, gained popularity very quickly, especially with queer teens/new adults. easily their favorite book to date, it holds a very special place in their heart.

after that, it was all uphill. their trilogy, steele legacy, put them on the map. they're a highly sought after author to the point that they have even done some guest lectures at their alma mater.

sucks at writing romance because they've never been in a relationship and it's kinda making their publisher mad because the fans want romance !

personality wise they are very sweet, very funny, will pull innocent/harmless pranks on their friends. extremely extroverted. genuinely just here for a good time. always, always smiling.

unfortunately, they're also quite gullible and naïve, easy to manipulate. they grew up pretty sheltered as their mom always worried about them. really just takes things at face value.

steele legacy trilogy is getting a movie adaption ! but shh that's a secret.

003. CAREER …

zugzwang (2013) : a very da vinci code-like mystery thriller novel with some knives out/glass onion type humor. her highest selling novel after the steele legacy and f&s. only gained traction after steele legacy's release. long past dawn (2015) : a short coming of age novel in a first-person biography style about a new adult figuring out their identity as a queer person while navigating college life. happy, sweet ending. sheep in wolf's clothing (2018) : sci-fi horror written in an epistory style that was, honestly, not that well received due to how experimental the writing was. due to the success of the rest of her works, it has garnered a solid fanbase. steele legacy trilogy (2016-2022) : quintessential high fantasy series with incredibly impressive world building that put her on the map once booktok got a hold of it. easy to digest prose that walks the line between too-flowery and easy to understand. new adult / adult audience simply due to the heavy topics. as the rest of her books, there is no romance, but fans are obsessed with the three protagonists - luka, jingyi, and zora - as a throuple based simply on platonic relationships. faithless & stolid (2023) : the first book in a trilogy taking place in the same world as steele legacy, though it is technically a prequel. even better reception than steele legacy so far. publisher & fans are urging them to involve romance in this one. future projects : publisher is pushing them to write something before releasing the second part to f&s, preferably romance, despite their unfamiliarity with the genre.

004. CONNECTIONS …

best friends (0/∞) : she makes friends like no one else. clicks immediately with anyone and everyone

someone who she convinces to fake date so they can fake break up with her so she knows how heart break feels like so that she can somehow come up with a romance book to keep her people happy. maybe there's feelings. maybe there isn't.

actors to star in the steele legacy adaption !

authors she looks up to, authors she's friends with, authors that have beef with her

rivals but it's one sided because she doesn't dislike anyone honestly

crushes.... unrequited... probably her who has a crush and is going to do nothing about it.

fans !

people who get into prank wars with her <3

good / bad influence

???? idk profit. she's fun but naïve and i want her to be manipulated and stuck in places/situations that she feels out of her depth with because she needs to grow up. ruin her !

[skzoologist]

I'm glad you enjoyed the pieces I wrote 😭💕

I had to give her a somewhat happy ending for at least one of the ideas 😭 I love angst but only doing angst and no fluff hurts too much 😓

I think the single paragraph of dialogue in 3b was probably my favorite line out of all the stuff I ended writing last night just because of the impact it made as the only dialogue in the piece ^^

Also, ORV OC doc? I'm interested 👀👀

-🐹

Ofc, they were good, my dear 🐹 anonnie!

Ah, see? That is where we differ, I don't hesitate writing pure angst lol But I get you, truly.

Yes, it was really good! A very important part in the whole thing :D

Uh, hm, lemme see. You can have this lil part, as a treat:

Nevertheless, they stuck together like glue even after the inevitable catastrophe happened. The older one protected the younger, while the younger one felt incapable. He thought he could finally be worth something, he could become someone, especially with how things have been going thanks to his ‘The ways of survival' copy. So the fighting kicked up a notch, to such a degree that even the other party members became worried and involved.

What he didn’t notice was that he was already someone. A precious younger brother, a family, a friend. The reason for Kyu’s life, why he hadn’t given up yet.

After that fateful fight, they split apart.

The younger doing his own work with his team, the older going on his own way, now alone. Abandoned.

But he only smiled as he left, as he was saying his goodbyes. Such a beautiful, yet fragile expression, his eyes losing their usual bright light.

Dokja would only regret this decision later on, how he didn’t stop his beloved brother even though he noticed his dimmed eyes and the smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes.

Because the next time their paths would meet would be the last -for a long time-. The older one of course, kept an eye on his beloved brother, even after all this. He protected him from afar, sometimes even getting caught in the act by a team member, never mentioning it to Dokja, knowing what happened between the two. Kyu was on good terms with the others after all, being the big brother of the group. They all loved him, grew attached to him too soon, too deep.

The older brother even met Joonghyuk a few times, maybe even too much to be considered a coincidence. Especially since the man saw something in him ever since their first meeting and desperately wanted to recruit him into his own team. He considered it, but knowing he wouldn’t be able to protect his little brother if he were to join, he declined politely every time.

But he couldn’t run from that fateful day that way. Maybe if he was in the sun fish's team, but not like this.

When he saw Dokja in a hopeless situation, his body acted on its own. Even if anybody was near him, they couldn’t stop him. With his powers activated, he made his way to his younger brother like rushing water released from its dam, only to take a deadly blow in his place.

Organs destroyed, blood flowing, his eyes met identical abyssal ones.

His lips drew on a gentle smile, his slowly numbing, rigid fingers twitched, then made their way to a shocked face, caressing the pale skin underneath wide eyes.

The world around them blurred together, the loud noises stopped reaching his ears. Sometime, while he was lost in those obsidian orbs, the weight in his chest lightened, making way for the crimson painted waterworks to escape.

“Dokja, you haven’t changed a bit in my eyes. You’re still my cute little brother who covered behind my legs at the sight of strangers-He groaned a bit, hacking up the liquid that prevented him from breathing properly. -Even as a grown up you remained just as dear to me. So please, believe me when I tell you that you are important- A desperate wheeze ripped from his lungs- You have people who care about you. They see you for who you are. You are enough, Dokja… Now I know what you are thinking, how you are. But don’t– He had to stop for a second to catch his breath, his eyes unfocusing every few seconds. -… Don’t ever sacrifice yourself for others, like some hero. That is not what this world or the others need… You might save their lives, their bodies, but you’ll only leave anguish behind... How ironic, me telling you this in such a situation.. Cough ”

“Wait no, Hyung s-stop talking! I can–” “Sshhhh, it’s okay. Big brother is here. They can’t hurt you anymore.” - he made sushing motions, his hands sloppily caressing Dokja’s hair, as if they were kids again.

His head fell onto the younger one’s -when did they get to the ground?-, their identical midnight locks intertwining seamlessly into one bundle of hair, soaking up the dripping droplets from the murky sky. His hands had no more power in them to support themselves anymore, so they uselessly fell onto the ground.

He could hear sounds still, but as if a wad of cotton was stuck in his ears, he couldn’t make any sense of it no matter how hard he tried. His face felt wet; was he or the heavens the cause of it? His eyes could not make anything out of the world anymore, so he found it easier to just close them.

He was tired anyway.

So tired.

He worked so hard all his life, he could get a little rest, no? Just this once.

He was so cold, but now, a gentle warmth spread all over his body.

The harrowing ache left his chest as well, along with the agonizing headache.

His wheezing slowly stopped as he found no energy to try and take air into his vermillion covered lungs, his airways filled with thick liquid.

His time has come, and with the last cognitive power of his mind, he understood it.

He smiled.

[getougender]

ok i lied i’m making it now.

anyway pov you are getou suguru, twenty-eight, and the only thing that’s kept you from snapping and committing a felony at your place of work that you fucking hate is the webnovel equivalent of pulp. it sucks so bad that you are the only reader, but no matter what, it just draws you back in, over and over again. you’ve been reading it since you were fifteen and you could barely stand the protagonist at first, but he’s grown on you like mold. he’s cocky and ruthless and fun to read about, even if he’s a little cliché. you’ve been waiting for the conclusion of the novel for a long-ass time, and the day it’s scheduled to drop, it…doesn’t. instead you get a dm, and then the world fucking ends. you realize with a start that it’s familiar. you have been isekai’d, reverse-isekai’d, isekai’d sideways while rolling down the highway in a loose tire, and then you hear gojou fucking satoru, protagonist, blowing a hole in the side of the next subway car. what the fuck. is this your life forever now. before the day ends you have thrown a punch at your childhood blorbo and he has dropkicked you off the side of a building. you survive. you will beat his ass.

anyway jokes and jests aside getou’s mindset after riko’s death is something that i could see translating really interestingly into kdj’s role, especially early on. he’s depressed and angry and resentful towards the world, but riko isn’t dead (here, at least; i was serious when i said she and sys would go really well), he hasn’t been carrying the mantle of “the strongest” around, and he still has a very strong moral code throughout canon—it just. uh. changes forms, to put it extremely generously—so here, he’d probably still strive to do what he perceives to be The Right Thing, which could be comparable to kdj’s stupid fucking savior complex. i’m not sure how he would approach his knowledge of what’s going to happen according to the story vs how kdj would or how jjk’s world could be neatly integrated into orv’s premise with scenarios without making it a copy of orv, but he could absolutely pull off some of the bullshit that kdj (and, for that matter, hsy) does with a straight face. also, kdj’s ability to cobble together stories and a whole-ass body for himself reminds me of how getou’s technique grows and changes with the curses he eats, so i’m jotting that down too.

my thoughts on gojou are a lot more straightforward. ridiculously op protagonist with massively destructive abilities, etc etc, but yjh being, as i said, hellbent on bringing down the star stream reminds me a lot of gojou’s hatred of the higher ups and the flaws in jujutsu society. gojou is less likely to try and brute force his way through every obstacle (he still can; don’t get me wrong), though, and his desire to protect people/live up to his role as The Strongest/preserve youth is actually something i associate closer to kdj. that being said, i can see him regressing over and over to see the conclusion and Fix Things very easily and it’d be really interesting to see how the whole shebang with 41!sys, secretive plotter, and the other outer gods plays out, especially given the way he seems to approach grief in canon.

shouko. man. shouko. i think about that line where hsy calls joongdok bastards during the final scenario fight and how they never tell her anything a lot, and then i think about shouko saying that she was there too, and then i throw up. but shouko’s neutrality during the kfc breakup is something i think is so interesting and i think could play a part in the whole good and evil scale that orv has going on, especially when they start to mess with it, and i think it says a lot about her, too. i think that, when push comes to shove and she’s run out of options, i could see her adopting something of 1863!hsy’s role—stepping up and finding her own conclusion when the protagonist goes awol and then, later, writing the things she’s lost and clawing at them to bring them back to her. i think her grief is quiet for a long time before it boils over, and that’s when she starts destroying universes. in a similar vein, like i said, i think it’s SO neat that she’s one of the few people we know with a reverse cursed technique that can be used on other people and how she works in a morgue. she’s the beginning and the end, and she could create and destroy worldline after worldline and start and finish the story. and she’s a doctor. her job is to save people. what else should she have done, seeing one of her closest friends as a teenager in a hospital bed?

in conclusion i’m obsessed with trios and the fact that the three of them are a Set never fails to make me want to eat drywall. i have more thoughts on this but it’s also almost 3:30 and i have work in the morning

jjk orv au sashisu inspired by yoohankim. gojou, the protagonist. shouko, the writer. getou, the reader.

this story is for that one reader. tell me you fool. i want to live in a big house with everyone. getou as kim dokja with his patchwork vessel found in the dumpster in the industrial complex arc. swapping names. we’re the strongest. gojou as the unstoppable protagonist hellbent on bringing down the stars. oldest dream arc. shouko as han sooyoung, director of the false last act. the fuckingn story repair scenes. everything begins and ends with them DO YOU UNDERSTAND. DO YOU UNDERSTAND. ARE YOU PICKING UP WHAT I AM PUTTING DOWN ARE YOU SEEING WHAT I AM SHOWING YOU

[m2kdj-waist-connoisseur]

One thing I love so much about orv is the writing style. SS has such a beautiful writing style that I get absorbed into orv whenever I open my kindle.

Orv doesn't have a single meaning, the scenes we interpret do not have a single interpretation and I love that. Different aspects have different interpretations and I believe that’s really beautiful for a book to have different interpretations and invoke thought.

Sometimes I’ll sit and think about a scene in orv and come up with my own interpretation, how it made me feel then open twitter and see someone with something different and it makes me think more. I read the thread wanting to know why they think like that? What did you see that I didn’t? And seeing different opinions (the good ones, not the hateful ones some assholes drop) make me really happy. Maybe it’s cause my brain can’t rest and refuses to stop at my interpretation but I have to say SS really made a piece of art!

Orv would make literature teachers cry cause it can be interpreted in so many ways (gone with ‘the curtain is blue as a symbol of sadness’).

Another good thing about Orv having such an open to interpretation style is that spoilers don’t pull me off. I haven’t finished it but can talk about it for a more than reasonable length (Apologies to my younger brother as I spent well over an hour explaining why kdj and yjh are life and death companions last week) because I’ve seen so many takes and opinions on twitter.

Hell twitter was the final push that made me pick it up (shoutout toapollo their jd sleeping beauty au led me down the orv rabbit hole). Seeing the ‘spoilers’ on twitter piqued my curiosity and made me search for a way to read orv and here I am on tumblr.

I wanted to know why are jd known as ‘life and death companions’? Why does 49% and 51% trigger people? Why is my tl filled with kdj’s 24 inch waist? (I believe his waist is AT MOST 26 inches) With so many whys, threads explaining shit after I liked ONE AU I picked it up for myself and I can say starting Orv is the best and worst thing I’ve ever done to myself.

I can confidently say orv is indeed the bane of my existence and the object of my desires (head in hands begging for an official English translation so I can buy it ) Orv didn’t pull me out of a reading slump, it put me in multiple but they’re the most pleasant slumps I’ve had cause I don’t want to finish reading it but I also can’t wait to finish it so I’ve decided to stall my suffering and take it at an extremely slow pace.

This feels like a diary rn

I feel like I’ve said a lot without really saying anything but meh so is life ig (damn Shakespeare got nothing on me)

I almost forgot!

The topic of interpretation comes from lsk encouraging kdj’s love for books! Lsk encouraged kdj to reread books when he’s done because there’s always more to it than what you saw in the first read. He could reread a book and focus on someone else’s pov and get an entirely new story from something so simple :) I’m not a fan of rereading books (I’ve tried and just can’t so it’s one of the reasons I stick to ebooks cause I don’t have to worry about getting rid of books I’ll no longer read ( ◠‿◠ ) )

Orv might have been about that one reader’s pov (sobs) but it sure made me think of things from others’ pov! It took being empathetic to another level and made me want to understand these characters and not just understand their love for that rat bastard {affectionate}.

I wanted to understand why these people kept going when it looked like all was lost. They’re living in an apocalypse for goodness sake and they’re still trying to survive??? I’d look for the quickest and least painful way to end it all cause I wouldn’t see a way out and even if I did see one who says I’d struggle to get it?? Do they keep moving just to survive? Why do they struggle when a peaceful death sounds appealing? (if it’s not obvious I’m a weak ass bitch and can’t imagine facing a scenario )

There’s something in them that makes them move even before they met kdj. Maybe it’s the fear of death? Maybe it’s hope? Maybe it’s the desire to live even when it seems impossible? Maybe it’s something I haven’t thought of?? Who knows?? (SS probably but this ain’t about them :) )

JD HAS DIFFERENT INTERPRETATIONS AS WELL

There are people that ship jd and see romantic intentions behind their actions (they’re married your honour) and there are people that have chosen to interpret these actions as outstanding companionship (history will say they were best friends) and that’s fine!

To my knowledge, SS hasn’t confirmed anything but best believe jd is married with biyoo as their daughter and living together with a nice house in the suburbs free from all scenarios and just enjoying domestic married life to me. Jd has caused so much commotion in the fandom that it’s funny. Like damn it’s not my fault I see two married men (life and death companions is a wedding vow???!) and other people see besto friendos ٩( ᐛ )و

*puts rose tinted shades on* all in all I need to hold kdj’s waist and will not know peace until then

Anyway! Let me stop here I need to eat something and if I keep brainstorming I’m gonna cry ϵ( 'Θ' )϶

[ot3]

Sorry to bother - feel free to ignore. I’m trying to write an orv fic bc. I like them. And I’m having trouble understanding why with the regression depression it’s the happy memories that get yjh the most. Best I can figure it’s bc he can use the bad memories to propel him forward - like he’s doing this to avenge them. But the good memories force him to realize these people are gone and he’ll never see them again. Do you have any thoughts? Thanks!

i think that's definitely more or less accurate! i think the 'those people are gone and he'll never see them again' bit you've pointed out is the critical piece here. ill stick my further thoughts below the cut. this is really long because i've pulled a LOT of long chunks of text from the novel to shore up this point. i just got home from work so my thoughts are gonna be a little bit incoherent here. skip to the end if you're not interested in reading all the segments i pulled from the text. spoilers all the way up through chapter 508

first things first, let's just go back to the novel and look at all the bits where YJH's depression gets brought up

“Maybe Yoo Jonghyuk-nim has already repeated a few lives. You have fought against terrible enemies and struggled against the beings of this world to save people. Enduring alone, lonely memories… We respect your sublime spirit.”

This jerk, such skillful flattery. Yoo Jonghyuk would be moved to tears if he heard. Later when he was depressed, I would have to tell him these words.

“But Yoo Jonghyuk-nim should’ve realized it from your past regressions. Even if you have an outstanding miracle, you alone can’t fight against the disasters that will come.”

Plus, he was right.

- from ch 48

「 Everything is twisted because of this person. 」

「 It is different from what I know in the earlier regressions. The amount of information available is too limited. I can’t save the world like this. 」

What was this?

「 The reason I was hurt by the Salvation Church was because we spent too much time in the last round. It was a mistake to train for 100 years then. My mind was permanently damaged. 」

「 Maybe it was a mistake not to get the Absolute Throne.  」

「 I will start from the beginning again… 」

Dammit, the regressor’s depression had begun. Was it due to the mental attack? I cried out in fear of what he would decide. “I’m hurt you jerk!”

- from ch 140

「 Those people can’t save the world, even with 100 trucks. 」

「 Once again, the answer is regression… 」

“Now now, our Supreme King isn’t in a good mood right now so back off. Do you want to die?” I personally stepped forward to get rid of any causes of depression.

- later on in ch140 as well

This jerk, he was always so impatient. He had been given time to rest but he was still busy thinking. Regardless of his depressed state, Yoo Jonghyuk was Yoo Jonghyuk.

“Before that, let’s take a moment to breath. The view is great.” I said while sitting on the roof railing.

Yoo Jonghyuk asked me, “What are you up to?”

“I’m just looking at the world. Isn’t it beautiful?” The city of Seoul was destroyed by the monsters. I quickly added, “It was originally a beautiful place.”

“I don’t like landscapes.”

“Why?”

“They are things that will disappear someday.”

I thought I had a bit more understanding of the third regression Yoo Jonghyuk after fighting against Shin Yoosung. I wanted to believe he was a person who could love this world without giving up or feeling despair.

I told him, “However, we need to protect these things.”

“Kim Dokja, you don’t know.”

This might be my misunderstanding. Yoo Jonghyuk could give up at any time because he was still in the midst of his regressions.

In the end, Yoo Jonghyuk’s purpose was to prevent the ‘destruction of this world.’ Paradoxically, he could give up on this world at any time. His essence was regression and this fact would never change.

“No, I know,” I replied.

“What?”

“The fact that you can regress at any time means that death is meaningless.”

I looked down at Lee Seolhwa caring for the injured. Lee Seolhwa was feeding her boiled soup to an unknown person. Despite her efforts, there was a high probability that the character would die. Even if they lied now, they would die tomorrow. If they miraculously survived tomorrow, they would die the day after tomorrow.

It was the same in the fourth regression and the fifth regression. There would always be ‘death’ in the world of Yoo Jonghyuk, even after passing the 100th regression.

“If there is no sense of death then the value of life also disappears.”

- ch141

There was the vague belief that he could do better in the next round with more information. It was easy for him to give up on this regression if something went wrong.

This was the precursor symptom of ‘regression depression.’ Some of the contents of Ways of Survival passed through my head.

It was around the 48th regression. Yoo Jonghyuk had consulted with an incarnation of the constellation ‘Discoverer of the Subconscious’ on the ‘regression depression.’ At the time, he seemed to be speaking like I was now.

I continued speaking, “Yes. It might be as you say. If you repeat it 10 or 20 times then it will surely get better. You’ll be exposed to more scenarios and see more of the future. The real problem is when you someday save the world in this manner.”

“What does this mean?”

“At that time, do you really think you saved this world?”

“…”

“Do you think you will be able to keep the same mindset after repeating it 100 or 200 times?”

“I won’t regress that many times.”

I silently stared at Yoo Jonghyuk.

「 …Don’t tell me? 」 Yoo Jonghyuk’s eyes slowly widened.

I kept speaking, “Are you having nightmares these days?”

“…”

“You won’t be saved, even if you save the world. The moment you save the world, the worlds you have forsaken will come to you. Despite saving one world, all the other worlds you abandoned will drag you to hell.”

- from further down in ch141

「 Yoo Jonghyuk felt lonely as he saw these watches. They got their time back but he still wasn’t

living in this time. Yoo Jonghyuk suddenly thought. If so, where do I live in those countless hours? 」

It was the monologue of Yoo Jonghyuk, who once saved the Demon World. It was also one of my favourite scenes from Ways of Survival.

I suddenly seemed to understand a bit of his mind. To the regressor Yoo Jonghyuk, the time in these worlds didn’t belong to him. In a life that could go back over and over again, the present time was meaningless.

Once this was over, I would ask Aileen to make me a watch. If he had something like this, he might become more attached to this world. Maybe the regression depression would get better…

- ch 207

A person who regressed more than a thousand times. A spirit that had become insensitive from the hundreds of suicides and tragedies that an individual could suffer. The extremely widespread regression depression…

「 Yoo Jonghyuk of the 1863rd round is the despair of the world itself. 」

- ch 285

Abnormal condition? There was no way. Who was the 1863rd regression Yoo Jonghyuk? This was Yoo Jonghyuk who was the Ruler of the East Hell and killed the Devil of Principles. There was no one among the constellations who could place an abnormal condition on the present Yoo Jonghyuk.

Yoo Jonghyuk’s eyes were blank.

I felt uncomfortable like something was stuck in my throat. No, there was. There was only one person who could cause an abnormal status in Yoo Jonghyuk.

+

* The target is suffering from ‘regression depression’ due to an unknown cause.

+

It was Yoo Jonghyuk himself.

Regression depression. The spirit of the man who had been broken over 1863 lives made the regression depression almost a passive, low level skill. Once he fell into the depression, his consciousness was caught in the weight of his memories and he couldn’t wake up.

[Kill him! He isn’t invincible!]

The ruthless strikes caused Yoo Jonghyuk’s body to bleed little by little. It was strange. Originally, the regression depression shouldn’t occur in this situation. In the 1863rd round, Yoo Jonghyuk had learnt how to manage this disease.

- ch 286

then this REALLY LONG BIT from 287. it has stopped letting me indent for some reason so i guess ill bold this.

I knew how to wake up Yoo Jonghyuk from his regression depression. In other words, it meant I also knew how to sink him deeper into that melancholy.

I saw Yoo Jonghyuk’s fingertips moving and opened my mouth. “Do you remember? The 33rd round. You cleared the 40th scenario and Lee Jihye said this.”

Yoo Jonghyuk’s eyes dimmed and his moving fingertips stopped.

「 “It would be nice if Master didn’t have to go to the next round.” 」

“Think about it. You weren’t always unhappy. Right? In all the rounds, there were moments when you were happy.”

Yoo Jonghyuk’s expression was becoming stiffer.

“The 173rd round. You protected Earth for quite some time. You also saw Lee Jihye receiving her high school diploma and Lee Seolhwa smiling at someone’s child.”

「 “Jonghyuk-ssi, are you happy that you’re alive?” 」

Every time I spoke, Yoo Jonghyuk’s expression collapsed. It wasn’t despair that broke down Yoo Jonghyuk.

“The 383rd round. You finally cleared the 75th scenario. Fortunately, nobody died in that round. That was the first time. Then Lee Hyunsung told you.”

「 “Jonghyuk-ssi, I won’t forget today until I die.” 」

The feather-like memories sank into his head.

“Then the 498th round…”

Yoo Jonghyuk’s palms moved to cover his ears. The usual Yoo Jonghyuk wouldn’t have fallen from this much. Now it was different. I held his hands and kept talking. “That happened 10 times.”

A human sank deeper into the water just because of the weight of these feathers.

“Twenty times.”

My breath clogged up and my lungs tightened. I could feel what Yoo Jonghyuk was going through. Only I could feel it. The most primitive darkness at the bottom of one person was swallowing his ego greedily.

“100 times. It repeated over 1,000 times.”

All those words were destroyed. All the happy memories flowed back to a time they could never return to. Through the countless regressions, the meaning of happiness faded. All the values he preserved became pieces of torn paper.

“Yoo Jonghyuk.”

Yoo Jonghyuk’s self was sinking into the deep sea. It was to a place that he could never come up from without someone’s help.

“Have you protected all the things you wanted to keep?”

I looked at Yoo Jonghyuk’s miserable face and thought: Don’t worry Yoo Jonghyuk. I’ll do the rest. You stop and rest.

[Your understanding of the character ‘Yoo Jonghyuk’ is increasing explosively.]

Yoo Jonghyuk’s empty eyes were showing memories of losing his master. I didn’t use Omniscient Reader’s Viewpoint but it wasn’t hard to read.

「 I want to die. 」

「 I want to finish all of this. 」

「 If only I can never wake up. 」

A few drops of rain fell from the sky. It was black rain made from the blood of the demon kings and constellations. Liquid also flowed onto Yoo Jonghyuk’s face. Yoo Jonghyuk’s gaze lowered and finally fell on me.

I was looking at the moment a human’s spirit collapsed. There was a broken voice. Like a creaking machine, Yoo Jonghyuk stammered, “Wh,at… should, I, d…o?”

i think this one is obviously very important.

then, the 'have you protected all you wanted to protect' stuff obviously reaches its culmination in the finale

⸢The regression depression.⸥

That was the only weakness of Yu Jung-Hyeok, who had repeatedly regressed for a very long time.

[In the 173rd turn. You managed to protect Earth for a pretty long time. You got to see Yi Ji-Hye receive her high school diploma, and you even got to see Yi Seol-Hwa smile with another’s child in her arms.]

The light in Yu Jung-Hyeok’s eyes was wavering.

⸢It wasn’t despair that could defeat Yu Jung-Hyeok.⸥

⸢Small feather-like memories settled down inside his head one by one.⸥

The ‘Dokkaebi King’ was using the exact same method I relied on back then.

⸢The breathing got harder, and the lungs were getting tighter.⸥

⸢A man drowning in water would sink even deeper under the surface from the weight of a mere feather.⸥

I couldn’t afford to idly watch on anymore. I shouted at Yu Jung-Hyeok, telling him to wake up, and not to fall for such an illusion.

However, my voice couldn’t reach them as if a non-conductive barrier was set up between us. And the ‘Dokkaebi King’ was smiling away, perhaps to mock this entire story.

[Yu Jung-Hyeok, have you protected all that you wanted to protect?]

Slowly, Yu Jung-Hyeok’s knees sank down.

I roused the Status of Fables. I needed to undo that ⸢Stage Transformation⸥ right now, But, how should I…

Grab.

There was a hand still tightly clutching mine. It was Han Su-Yeong.

“That’s not a battle you can interfere in.”

“But, if he’s left alone….!”

“….Even a star that can’t be seen still emits light. You said that, right?”

….A star that can’t be seen?

Her words made me look back at Yu Jung-Hyeok once more.

His gaze being lowered had come to a stop. Blinding sparks were completely enveloping him.

Tsu-chuchuchuchu….

Something was waking up his fading consciousness.

[Great Fable, ‘Ones that Remember the Apocalypse’, has begun its storytelling!]

That was a Fable I wasn’t aware of.

As the sparks lessened gradually, several silhouettes revealed themselves. Now that I took a closer look, Yu Jung-Hyeok wasn’t alone. No, four others were standing beside him.

A tall man, a young man with blonde hair, a girl with a ponytail, and finally…

[[He couldn’t protect anyone. That’s why he now stands in this place.]]

….An Archangel with blindingly-pure wings.

Astonishment quickly dyed the Dokkaebi King’s expression.

The Fable from the destroyed 999th turn was now burning brightly like the conflagration of end times on the edges of the Archangel’s blade.

[[Because he believes there are still things left to protect.]]

- from ch 508

Now here's a couple of tidbits about depression when it comes up for Other entities:

The fastest thing to get shaved away after becoming a Constellation was their own ‘Fable’. The more a Constellation depleted its story, the weaker its power would get. They would grow bored, disinterested, fall into depression, or lose themselves in tedium.

Constellations would desperately seek out other Fables in order to escape from such a quagmire. In other words, they would search for a new tragedy to escape from this horrible eternal cycle, even if it was only for a brief moment.

- ch 498

⸢[Constellation, ‘Abyssal Black Flame Dragon’s’ ■■ is ‘Something that can’t be found’.]⸥

I had read what his ■■ was from the original novel. His description showed up when he became Yu Jung-Hyeok’s ally for a little while during the 1863rd turn.

⸢The evil dragon suffering from the worst possible depression in this <Star Stream>.⸥

The reason why the ‘Abyssal Black Flame Dragon’ believed his age to be 15 was simply that he’d not be able to continue on if he didn’t.

A life stretching for thousands, no, tens of thousands of years, made an originally solitary dragon into such a creature.

In order to stop itself from decaying, he chose not to age. He chose not to lose his curiosity of the world. He chose to torment Incarnations or play bizarre pranks. And for his final prank, he even chose to betray the ‘Absolute Evil’, too. He stood on Yu Jung-Hyeok’s side and while mocking the <Star Stream>, breathed his last.

- ch 503

okay so

i think there are a couple of different ways to look at the regression depression in line with each of orv's 'themes'. of course despair at losing his comrades is the main primary emotion here, but there's subtler stuff going on here too.

for starters, the foundational components of any creature within the star stream is its stories. the more your stories are known and shared the more powerful they are, etc, etc. time and time again their shared stories are the thing to save them and ground them. but as we see with the hellscape of eternity, yjh begins to become isolated from the interpersonal aspect of the story as he loses the people he originally formed these stories with. the stories are how people communicate. as YJH progresses through his regressions he is unable to relate to the 'story' in the way you are supposed to, and this essentially causes a complete ego death. life no longer has any meaning for him, because he is fundamentally incapable of connecting with people. the [impossible communication] of a life and a burden that can't be shared.

then there's the [samsara] aspect - being worn down by the endless repetition of fate. everything is the same, over and over again, and yet we still delve into it hoping to get something new out of it. maybe the story will be different this time. ABFD was able to stave off depression by keeping himself in a state of permanent novelty - there was still something left to discover - but as YJH progresses through the regressions and falls deeper and deeper into repeating the same pattern, the tedium becomes too much. he has nothing new to experience. he has repeated everything this reality has to offer - or so he thinks - and it shows no sign of ever changing. if it's the same every time, why stick around? why not go again? it doesn't matter. none of it matters. you are just part of the wheel.

and if we think of it in terms of [good and evil] we see yjh slowly become something that almost any human being would call a monster. as kdj says in that conversation with anna croft near the end, "can you really call someone a human if you have to look so hard to find their humanity?" as far as it goes. yjh commits some atrocities! Because of said aforementioned removal from reality and ego death, he is able to fully justify any action it takes no matter how horrendous. and yet his noble goal never changes. undeniably, what he is by the end is some sort of monster. but still, of course, just a man. and he knows this. he feels himself slipping a little bit more, every regression. he knows its coming. and he doesn't want it. he wants to maintain his humanity.

but really i think we can almost best think of yjh's regression depression as almost his equivalent to the [fourth wall]. whereas the 4th wall is a unique passive skill that protects kim dokja by preventing him from fully conceptualizing what's happening to him as 'reality', the regression depression harms yjh by preventing him from conceptualizing what's happening to him as 'reality'. in a sense, his friends and loved ones have almost become 'characters' to him as well, as he already knows the way this story happens. he is an outsider, observing these beings interact with each other but not quite the same as them. he is an anachronism. this isn't his present. this is a present, one he can take or leave at any time. the thing yjh does in his later regressions - using people as tools - is something kdj does in the beginning of his journey. because, well, it doesnt matter if this isn't the 'real world'! they mirror each other.

that ended up being so much longer than i thought it would im sorry. i hope this was even like 10% helpful.

[luxaofhesperides]

in those long days until we’re together

yoo sangah loves all the time she spends with jung heewon. but the time they spend together is to little; such is the way of long distance relationships.

for ORV RARE PAIR WEEK 2021 @orv-week; day three, prompt: long distance relationship.

also on ao3.

. . . Call soon?  the text reads when Yoo Sangah opens it. She immediately sends back a smiling panda sticker and hurries through the rest of her work so she can leave on time, if not a little early. They’ve both been busy recently, which means they haven’t had much time to talk, but Jung Heewon had set a day where they’re both free in the evenings to call and catch up. Yoo Sangah is grateful; often she worries about being too needy or clingy, holding herself back from asking for more no matter how often Jung Heewon assures her that it’s fine. She’s missed talking to her girlfriend recently, but didn’t want to demand all of her time and attention, so she kept quiet until Jung Heewon firmly set a time when they can ignore the rest of the world and just focus on each other.

There are three hours left before she can go home. She feels each minute passing by agonizingly slow. Her focus is shot, barely able to concentrate on all the files she has on hand that have to go out by the end of the week. She’s only half done, and while she’s sure if she focused and got to it she’s finish faster, Yoo Sangah is filled with restless energy that makes her walk away from her desk.

The break room is usually empty at this time. It’s just after the time most people finish their lunch and return to their work, so Yoo Sangah looks forward to making herself some tea and letting her mind wander without the pressures of deadlines stress her out.

She gets as far as pulling out a cup before she realizes she’s not alone. Kim Dokja sits in the back of the break room, in a corner people ignore because it’s out of sight from the door. He’s on his phone again, not moving and silent. Yoo Sangah can’t help but jump a little when she finds him, from the shock of seeing someone in the corner of her eye in a room she though was empty . Slowly, she lets out a breath and tries not to look to frazzled.

“Dokja-ssi,” she calls out, making him look up, “Did you want anything to drink?”

“No thank you,” he says as quietly as always. Had it been anyone else, she would have thought he was trying to end the conversation as quickly as possible. In fact, he sounds exactly as he does when he tries to end a conversation, but he’s not looking away which is the only sign that he doesn’t mind talking a little while longer.

Kim Dokja is really her only friend at Minosoft, where all the other men hit on her relentlessly and the other women keep her at arms length for one reason or another. He doesn’t hit on her, leer at her, or act rudely. He just keeps to himself and helpfully hands her salt when she’s upset so she can ruin people’s coffees. Yoo Sangah is glad to have at least one co-worker she’s on good terms and doesn’t actively dislike.

“Did something happen?” he asks, lowering his phone some more. It always feels like a victory when she manages to pull him away from that phone screen. “You look a little… flushed, I suppose. Distracted.”

Yoo Sangah can’t help but smile. “Oh, I’m video calling my girlfriend tonight. It’s been a while since we were able to talk.”

Here’s another thing about Kim Dokja: he’s not just her only friend at Minosoft, but also the only person who knows she’s 1) not straight and 2) in a relationship. She hadn’t even meant to tell him about Jung Heewon, but he was there and no one else was and she was happy that Jung Heewon wanted to be in a relationship with her, even if it was long distance. All Kim Dokja do was ask if she had a good night, and Yoo Sangah immediately told him about the lovely, strong woman who turned her attempt to socialize into a date, ditching the rest of her college friends, and about the second date she had on the weekend.

Kim Dokja, to his credit, didn’t even blink. Just congratulated her on her new relationship and made no mention of the fact that she was with another woman. Yoo Sangah grew fiercely protective of him that day, as had Jung Heewon, the first time she called while Yoo Sangah was still at work and got to talk to him for a few minutes.

“I see,” he says. “If you’d like me to take on some of your work so you can go home sooner…”

“Oh, no! I couldn’t ask that of you! But thank you for offering anyways. Are you sure you don’t want anything to drink?”

He shakes his head. “I’m alright. I’m on break for another ten minutes, and I’d like to finish reading this, so…”

Yoo Sangah nods at his polite attempt finish the conversation and focus on his phone again, and tries to make tea quietly as to not bother him. She lets herself smile freely as she waits for the tea to cool, then says goodbye to Kim Dokja, who awkwardly waves a hand at her. No one tries to stop her for a chat as she makes her way back to her desk, which is incredibly rare and incredibly lucky. It wasn’t a bad day before getting Jung Heewon’s text, but it certainly got better after it.

Somehow, she manages to finish the last few hours of work, only occasionally glancing at her phone, before she puts all her files away and gets ready to go home. As she’s walking to the elevator to leave, Yoo Sangah sees a couple of people from the corner of her eye perk up when they catch sight of her and start heading over. Please go away, she thinks and stares very hard at the elevator doors, trying to convey that she’s leaving and doesn’t want to talk. It doesn’t work.

Just as they reach her and one of them opens his mouth, Kim Dokja appears, sliding in front of them with ease. With how he’s looking at his phone again, it could be passed off as unintentional, just him not paying attention to his surroundings, but the way he carefully glances at her tells her that this was no accident.

People don’t really seem to like Kim Dokja, which Yoo Sangah finds strange. He’s just a little reclusive and awkward, but their coworkers either harass him or avoid him with all their might.

These two men become visibly uncomfortable and shift away from Kim Dokja. They look at her, then at Kim Dokja, then walk past them. As soon as they’re out of earshot, Yoo Sangah sighs and says, “Thank you, Dokja-ssi.”

He gives her a small smile. “It would be a shame to get stuck here when you have better things to do.”

The elevator finally arrives on their floor and the doors slide open. It’s empty, thankfully, and they both get in. Kim Dokja leans against the back wall, frowning as he reads… whatever it is he reads. Yoo Sangah decides it wouldn’t be rude to be on her phone, not talking, if it’s Kim Dokja she’s with. She opens up her chat with Jung Heewon and sends another text: I’ll be home soon! Let me know when you’re ready <3

Once on the ground floor, Yoo Sangah says goodbye to Kim Dokja as he heads towards the subway and she goes around the building to get her bike. The sun has set by the time she makes it to her apartment, but the sky is still light, all purple and pink. She takes a moment to admire it before she unlocks her door and kicks off her shoes.

The stress of the day falls off her shoulders and she takes a moment to stretch before going to her bedroom to change into more comfortable clothes.

She grabs her charger from her room and plugs it in the kitchen just to make sure her phone doesn’t die in the middle of the call. It’s been so long, Yoo Sangah isn’t going to risk anything cutting their time together short.

Her phone chirps with a notification and Yoo Sangah all but throws herself across the kitchen to open it.

Five more minutes?asks Jung Heewon, and Yoo Sangah quickly sends a nodding kitten sticker back. She rushes through grabbing ingredients and setting up her cutting board and frying pan in order to make fried rice, and keeps checking her phone to make sure she doesn’t accidentally miss Jung Heewon’s call.

Calling now!! comes another text that Yoo Sangah barely sees before her phone is ringing. She grabs it and accepts the video call, heart thundering in her chest as both their cameras begin to adjust to the lighting in their respective apartments.

“There you are sweetheart,” Jung Heewon says, smiling, “I’ve missed you so much.”

Yoo Sangah can’t help the shy smile that spreads across her face, cheeks flushing. “I can’t wait to see you in person again. Two more weeks, right?”

“Mhm. Two more weeks and you’ll get to have me all to yourself for four days.”

Yoo Sangah has been eagerly counting down the days for Jung Heewon’s next visit to Seoul, planning out dates and meals to cook together. The loneliness that cripples her the first few days after her girlfriend leaves is terrible, a feature of long distance relationships, but getting to be with Jung Heewon in any way she can is more than worth it.

She sets her phone propped up against a tall glass. “I’m going to make some dinner, so tell me about your week while I cut some vegetables.”

Jung Heewon shifts, getting more comfortable on her couch, and begins to talk about her job, her coworkers, the stray cats in the neighborhood that she’s been feeding; Yoo Sangah lets the soothing cadence of her voice wash over her as she cooks, listening attentively and trying to commit everything to memory so she can feel like she’s a part of Jung Heewon’s day.

They talk through her cooking, her eating, keep the call going even when both leave to take a shower and get ready for bed. It’s so nice to talk to Jung Heewon again, but it makes the empty space on her bed all the more obvious.

“I can’t wait to have you with me again,” Yoo Sangah mumbles, sleepy now that she’s in bed. She’s having trouble keeping her eyes open, and while she knows she should go to sleep since she has work tomorrow, she wants this call to keep going for as long as possible. She’s not ready to say goodbye. She’s never ready to say goodbye.

Jung Heewon rubs her eyes tiredly. “You look tired sweetheart,” she says, her voice low. The sound of it sends pleasant shivers down her spine, and Yoo Sangah can only manage a vague hum in reply. “Go to sleep. I’ll stay on the call until you sleep.”

“I don’t want to end it,” she says, stubbornly keeping her eyes open.

“I’ll call you again in the morning. I promise. Okay?”

That’s the smart thing to do, Yoo Sangah knows, and if she wakes up a little earlier than usual she can see Jung Heewon longer. Still, she doesn’t want to go to sleep and stop hearing Jung Heewon’s voice. She wants time to stop and let her have this moment to herself forever, without worrying about tomorrow or counting down the days until Jung Heewon arrives for just a few days. Their relationship is filled with longing and waiting, always separated and never able to stay together as long as they want.But there is no one she wants as much as Jung Heewon. She’ll do anything to stay with her.

“Okay,” Yoo Sangah says, “Goodnight. Two weeks?”

“Two weeks,” Jung Heewon promises. “I’ll be with you before you know it.” I hope so , she thinks, and closes her tired eyes, letting the sounds of Jung Heewon moving and preparing for the next day lull her to sleep. It’s almost like she’s there with Yoo Sangah.

Almost.

It’s enough for now. 

[mr-smichaelis]

Remote

•

"Why are you being like this?"

Sebastian finally spoke up, after the entire day of Ciel fussing and talking back to almost everything he says. The curvy road they were driving down seemed to go on forever, seemingly even more with the tension trapped in the truck. Ciel kept his head turned to the right, watching all of the trees pass by, as well as the small chunks of snow that are in the midst of melting. His eyes were glossy, and slender hands folded neatly in his lap.

Sebastian slowed down on the road, fully aware that it will take about another hour until they reach their destination. He reached his hand over, placing it softly on top of Ciels thigh. "Hey, I'm talking to you. What are you thinking about?" He said, wishing he could take his eyes off the road to look at the beautiful boy next to him. His voice was gentle, a bit louder than the music coming out from the radio speakers. He flicked his blinker on, turning down a wide dirt road towards the shoreline.

Ciel felt the warm hand rest on his petite thigh, his tense shoulders falling. He looked at the dashboard, then back at the window, trying to find the right words. He, himself, didn't even know what was bothering him. His mind felt blank, but also was full of never-ending thoughts of everything. He rested his elbow on the trucks interior door, leaning his head on his hand. "I don't know." Is all that spilt from his shiny lips. He squinted his eyes, the sun shining brightly through the window.

The older man gave Ciel a reassuring squeeze on his thigh. The road forked off into three different directions. He glanced down at his GPS, seeing it was directing him to go north. "I'm sorry if I seemed insensitive by asking. Have you been tired these past few days? Taking your medication?" The words that rolled of his tongue were full of care, along with concern. "I could sleep all day if you'd let me. Yes, I've been taking my medicine. You remind me every day after I eat my first meal." Ciel said, rolling his eyes. He has only missed two or three days these past two weeks.

His daily medication helps regulate his anxiety levels, which a some points can be fine, or too much to handle. Even accidentally missing a couple of days can affect him in some way, whether it be simple irritation, panic attacks, or just wallowing in irrational worries.

"I know you've missed a couple of days these past few weeks. I'm glad that other than that, you're pretty good at being on top of it. The pharmacist says you should not miss any days." Sebastian explained, knowing he has already lectured Ciel on this subject more than once. The younger man scoffed softly, which Sebastian heard. "Don't even start on that again. I don't want to hear it," Ciel abruptly, "I've heard it one too many times."

The back-talk made Sebastian sigh, hearing the GPS say to travel north for another two miles. He stayed quiet for the next couple of minutes, before seeing the gravel parking lot in the distance. He parked his truck slowly, before unbuckling and getting out.

Ciel never got a response from Sebastian, and he felt a small pang of pain hit his heart. He knew he was being blunt and grumpy, but he really couldn't help it. If he were anything else, he'd probably just cry. He got out of the truck on his own, before slamming the door shut, opening the rear one to grab out his beach bag. He slid his tennis shoes off, replacing them with his slides so it would be easier to walk through the warm sand. He glanced around the parking lot, seeing there were no other vehicles, nor ORVs.

When he walked around the truck to head onto the beach, he saw Sebastian waiting patiently for him, his own bag resting on his shoulder. The taller man held his hand out, and Ciel reached out, intertwining their fingers. Ciels gaze never reached Sebastian, knowing he would feel immense guilt if he did have to look at him.

They walked over the sandy, wooden bridge, before both stepping foot in the warm sand, seeing sticks, rocks, and even logs all around the remote beach. Sebastian gave Ciels hand a loving squeeze, leading him over to the fire pit, which was a couple feet from a picnic table. Ciel let go of his boyfriend, before placing his bag down on the table, sitting down on the bench.

"Why don't you go feel the water, Darling? I'm going to get our bonfire started." The smooth voice spoke up, which practically made Ciel melt as he sat on the bench. He only nodded, swallowing harshly, standing onto his feet. "Wouldn't you like help getting sticks, though?" The blue haired boy asked, which caught Sebastian off guard, but made him smile, nonetheless. He already knew Ciel was sorry by the way he spoke.

"Your help would be lovely. Some rocks would made the fire pit look nicer as well, hm?" Sebastian chimed, which made Ciel nod and begin to walk around, picking up sticks of all sizes, while Sebastian picked up some decent sized rocks, and a few twigs. After a few minutes of collecting the resources for their fire, they met back at the pit and set it up together, putting the sticks into a tent shape. Sebastian pulled newspaper out of his beach bag, balling it up and sticking it beneath the sticks, before tossing a match in there.

Ciel sat back on the picnic bench nervously, watching Sebastian's every move carefully. When he lit the match, Ciel bit his tongue softly, knowing in his heart that Sebastian would be perfectly fine while lighting a match. He couldn't help but have the urge to remind him to be careful. Sebastian glanced up after lighting the newspaper, seeing the anxious look on Ciels face. He sat next to him on the bench, pulling him to his chest. "I'm alright." He assured, feeling Ciel grip onto the front of his shirt.

The strong arms wrapped around his frail body were more than comforting. He listened to the quiet crackle of the fire spreading to each stick, each twig, slowly growing to a suitable flame. The sun wasn't too hot, as there were a few clouds over the top of their heads. Ciel threw his legs over Sebastian's, sitting in his lap, feeling secure with him. The both of them wearing only shorts and t-shirts, since the weather was perfect.

"I didn't mean to get snippy with you. I'm sorry." Ciel blubbered out after a few minutes of comfortable silence. Sebastian knew his apology was coming, he just needed a little bit to think it over. The older man rested his chin atop of Ciels head, shutting his eyes. "I forgive you, I wasn't mad at you, or anything of the sort," He reassured, fingers running soothingly up and down his spine, before continuing. "I'm happy you apologized. I only get on you for things because I love you."

The words made Ciel sigh contentedly, curling his toes.. "I know you do, I appreciate the things you do far more than you realize..." Ciel said quietly, a gentle breeze blowing through his hair, relief washing over him. He didn't realize how tense he had been. Sebastian placed a soft kiss to Ciels head, before deciding to stand up, carrying Ciel closer to the water. He placed the boy onto his feet, before taking his hand.

"I've heard that you can find fossils right next to the water. If you don't want to look, why don't you put your feet in the water, maybe go for a little swim?" Sebastian suggested, and Ciel nodded. The younger boy wasn't even sure on what a fossil was, so he decided to go with the other option. He walked into the water, ankle deep, watching the small waves come up every couple of seconds. Sebastian walked slowly along the shoreline, seeing where the rocks naturally littered along. He looked down as he walked, making sure to glance back at Ciel every so often.

He walked about about two hundred feet, no luck in finding anything, but it may have been because he wasn't truly focused on what he was looking for. His mind was elsewhere. He turned around and walked back to his little lover, hugging him from behind. He placed a soft kiss on his neck, nestling his nose there.

Ciel leaned back slightly, his feet deep in the wet sand beneath the water. He felt so at ease, knowing he was miles away from anyone, besides the one he cared about most. His hands resting on Sebastian's veiny forearms, and he gave them a soft squeeze. He shut his deep blue eyes, listening to the soft sound of the waves, along with the strong heartbeat of the one he loved.