#allowing me to return to reading
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I am legitimately confused by repeated comments that ORV's opening is slow or boring or uninteresting, especially people who say you need to read [insert some very large number of pages/chapters] to get to the "good" parts. I've seen this on multiple socials at this point and I originally wrote this post months ago, but recent potential news has brought back people saying this again, particularly in recommending it to other people/trying to get other people into it.
I would personally argue that ORV has a good opening. A very good opening. And the early part of it is very good, too.
ORV opens with a literal train of angst, attempted friendship, workplace harassment (Sangah getting harassed by her boss), some neat Korean folklore (dokkaebis hello), graphic violence (remember when Bihyung just kills the president on TV?), a group of people in a subway attempting to beat an old woman to death, Dokja winning a pissing contest with a teenage edgelord, a bunch of people getting murdered, bonding in times in despair over a really unique form of problem solving, a man breaking open subway doors with his bare arms, young love, and magic, fleeing onto a bridge that gets exploded to bits by an evil gremlin, a horde of zombies appearing, the protagonist getting new magic powers, and then his getting held by the neck over said broken bridge in a complex back and forth with the "true" story protagonist before getting dropped into the mouth of a giant sea monster.
It covers topics like the limits of human compassion in times of strife, the complicated presence of the military (Dokja hated his time being drafted v Hyunsung's military leadership doesn't save anyone), international relations (Sangah is learning Spanish), trope subversion (I mean it is and isn't the entire book and Dokja's character, but he's constantly trying to be 5-10 steps ahead of what's going on, including literally fleeing Joonghyuk until Joonghyuk grabs him by the collar), workplace harassment, bullying, and it's all taking place during multiple apocalypse scenarios.
This is the like first 11 chapters of the book. And it never stops. There are "slower" moments, moments where characters take a breather (like it takes a while for Dokja to negotiate his contract with Bihyung, which is slow if you ignore the fact Dokja is arguing with an interdimensional being/alien for the limits of his own life and autonomy in the most dangerous streaming event imaginable, knowing he may still die if he gambles wrong on his personal wikipedia brain), but it's still frequently confrontational, whether that confrontation is about what characters mean to each other, what lives are at stake, finding your purpose in life, adaptability to complex circumstances, overcoming trauma and self-doubt...
And it's more intense in a way in the manhwa adaptation because you can clearly see most of it visualized (e.g., how visually wrecked the characters get, how young the kids are, how terrifying the monsters are, how scary the odds are, and how dangerous Dokja's gambles can really get with a fickle streaming audience), and Sleepy-C's art is gorgeous.
I just have to wonder (though this is more of a rhetorical question), what on earth do people consider fast? Because I am quite honestly terrified of what the answer is.
Like I get that ORV is long. It can be hard to recommend very long books to folks (and as the manhwa keeps going, long comics). To each their own, everyone is different, what appeals to me won't appeal to others. But there's a difference between "it's hard to recommend a very long work to someone" and "it's hard to recommend something that's long and takes a while to get into", and maybe folks are just writing the former a bit weirdly. I completely understand having trouble recommending long series to people. Also ORV has a very complex plot and I don't blame folks having trouble recommending that. I'm writing fic for later parts of orv and other manhwa and I dread explaining all the context for all that to someone who hasn't read them.
That being said, ORV has a very good introduction. Both chapter 1 of the novel and episode 1 of the manhwa are very good. They're not perfect, I can't say I was hooked from the immediate moment I started reading the page, but both of them have good introductions and it doesn't stop, and there's stuff to love in just about every chapter/episode, and I was definitely hooked enough by the time I finished to keep going to chapter/episode 2. Chapter 1 of the novel has great angst and character building, and it's funny and sweet and tragic. When I first read Dokja trying, earnestly, to recommend TWSA and getting harassed about it and worrying it will hurt this art and artist he cares about, but not being able to do much else to give thanks for this experience because of his circumstances, I cried. The first page/episode of the manhwa has them delicious boys love vibes and gorgeous art (and cute baby Dokja, I die for him), and the promise of a fascinating story ahead, and then the following page/episode has more gorgeous art and angst and great characters (combining them cause the first page feels sort of more like a teaser than a first page, though Episode 0 ends with a spread of Kimcom that makes me tear up). We'll unfortunately never know if I'd have loved ORV as much if I'd read the novel first, but I like to think I would cause ORV's opening is just that good.
I just truly, truly do not understand the sentiment that idk the opening and the first [insert large number of pages/chapters] aren't good or interesting or engaging enough. Maybe I'm out of touch. To each their own on what appeals, maybe I'm built different (doubt it though) but it just feels kind of dismissive of ORV's opening, in both the novel and the manhwa, which are both really good. Will it win over everyone? No. It's fine if you weren't grabbed by the opening or the first [insert however many pages/chapters/arcs]. It's fine if you took a while, even a long while to get into it, or never really did, and maybe don't like the manhwa, which is a great gateway into the story, or don't like the novel for whatever reason and prefer the manhwa. And at the end of the day it's just random opinions online, we all have different ones. Make the posts that appeal to you on your blog, complain on your socmed, whatever. But the opening is good, it keeps you very engaged with a lot of difficult scenarios, the characters are great and fun and funny, in those parts especially, and idk why I'm supposed to pretend that's not the case.
Anyway I don't like writing complaint posts. The opening and general start are excellent and Imma go back and cry over Dokja again ty singNsong for my tears.
#orv#omniscient reader's viewpoint#I don't get it#I really don't get it#whenever I see this I wonder if I just retconned how the opening goes and then I go back and read it#and remember oh no it's a train of Dokja angst and him hanging out with Sangah and it's so sad and thrilling#episode 0's art is gorgeous#I remember just being stunned by looking at Dokja and Gilyoung on the bridge and wondering what that was#remember when Dokja crawled through poisonous fog and rescued Heewon#remember when he had to hold off a mob#remember when a landlord turns guns on him#remember the movie dungeon#remember all the joongdok vibes#remember the friendship building between him and all the characters#rereading I always remember how much fic I wanted to write but didn't cause it would get in the way of reading more#after like 24 hours of nonstop reading I gave up and had to write something and that's how my first fic was written#allowing me to return to reading#just cause he's not always fighting gods in the first few arcs doesn't mean he's not facing dangerous scenarios#he gets roped in by a coworker to a scheme where people beat each other to death for vending machine food#I'm not saying it's the best webnovel out there#even in its own genre#I haven't read enough to know#but it is very good for what it is#tbh I think singNsong are actually better at openings#twatf's opening bits are a lot better than the later ones#orv just kept being good after that#fallfthoughts
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stephen gets like 10 phonecalls like this everytime jett goes anywhere by himself
#hes just so nervous and he has a terrible track record of Being Normal around other people itslike the whole purpose ofthe game#heslike hey stephen am i allowed to return books to the library if i havnt read the whole thing will they get mad at me and boil me alive.?#and stephens like. no i dont think so mylove#drawing#digital art#art#oc#illustration#my art#supernormal#original character#supervillain oc#murph an joanies supernormal
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Silly Spuriken doodles because my OW otp returned full force as I started playing again.
#spuriken#cole cassidy#genji shimada#genssidy#mcgenji#overwatch#is calling it mcgenji still allowed? dunnoIll put it anyway. lmao.#posting so much ow these days#THIS SHIP RETURNING AT FULL FORCE IM READING AND RE-READING ALL THE FICS ON AO3 AAAA#love them#I hope it's not dead#it's dead?pls tell me it's not#I need content so much#fkdsjfhskdfjs
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Rowaelin Chapter 41 Kingdom of Ash:
She'd rebuild it—what she had been.
Perhaps one last time, perhaps only for a little while, but she'd do it. If only for Terrasen.
Rowan swooped from the mast, shifting as he reached her side at the rail. He surveyed the night-black sea beyond them. "You should rest." She slid him a glance. "I'm not tired." Not a lie, not in some regards. "Want to spar?" He frowned. "Training can start tomorrow."
"Or tonight." She held his piercing stare, matched his dominance with her own.
"It can wait a few hours, Aelin."
"Every day counts." Against Erawan, even a day of training would count.
Rowan's jaw tightened. "True," he said at last. "But it can still wait. There are ... there are things we need to discuss." The silent words rose in his animal-bright eyes. About you and me.
Her mouth went dry. But Aelin nodded In silence, they strode into their spacious quarters, its only decoration the wall of windows that overlooked the churning sea behind them. A far cry from a queen's chamber, or any she might have purchased as Adarlan's assassin.
At least the bed built into the wall looked clean enough, the sheets crisp and stainless. But Aelin headed for the oak desk anchored to the floor, and leaned against it while Rowan shut the door.
In the dim lantern light, they stared at each other.
She'd endured Maeve and Cairn; she'd endured Endovier and countless other horrors and losses. She could have this conversation with him. The first step toward rebuilding herself.
Aelin knew Rowan could hear her thundering heart as the space between them went taut. She swallowed once. "Elide and Lorcan told you... told you everything that was said on that beach."
A curt nod, wariness flooding his eyes. "Everything that Maeve said." Another nod.
She braced herself. "That I'm-we're mates."
Understanding and something like relief replaced that wariness. "Yes."
"I'm your mate," she said, needing to voice it. "And you are mine."
Rowan crossed the room, but halted a few feet from the desk on which she leaned. "What of it, Aelin?" His question was low, rough.
"Don't you..." She scrubbed at her face. "You know what she did to you, to ..." She couldn't say her name. Lyria. "Because of it."
"I do know."
"And?"
"And what do you wish me to say?"
She pushed off the desk. "I wish you to tell me how you feel about it. If…"
"If what?"
"If you wish it wasn't so."
His brows narrowed. "Why would I ever wish that?"
She shook her head, unable to answer, and stared over her shoulder toward the sea.
It seemed like he would close the distance between them, but he remained where he was.
"Aelin." His voice turned hoarse. "Aelin."
She looked at him then, at the pain in his words.
"Do you know what I wish?" He exposed his palms, one tattooed, the other unmarked. "I wish that you had told me. When you realized it. I wish you had told me then."
She swallowed against the ache in her throat. "I didn't want to hurt you."
"Why would it ever hurt me to know the truth that was already in my heart? The truth I hoped for?"
"I didn't understand it. I didn't understand how it was possible. I thought maybe ... maybe you might be able to have two mates within a lifetime, but even then, I just ….." She blew out a breath. "I didn't want you to be distressed." His eyes softened. "Do I regret that Lyria was dragged into this, that the cost of Maeve's game was her life, and the life of the child we might have had? Yes. I regret that, and I wish it had never happened." He would bear the tattoo to remember it for the rest of his days. "But none of that was your fault. I will always carry some of the burden of it, always know I chose to leave her for war and glory, and that I played right into Maeve's hands."
"Maeve wanted to ensnare you to get to me, though."
"Then it is her choice, not yours."
Aelin ran a hand over the worn wood of the desk. "In those illusions she spun for me, she showed me variations on one more than all the others." The words were strained, but she forced them out. Forced herself to look at him. "She spun me one dreamscape that felt so real I could smell the wind off the Staghorns."
"What did she show you?" A breathless question.
Aelin had to swallow before she could answer. "She showed me what might have been—if there had been no Erawan, if Elena had dealt with him properly and banished him. If there had been no Lyria, none of that pain or despair you endured. She showed me Terrasen as it would have been today, with my father as king, and my childhood happy, and..." Her lips wobbled. "When I turned twenty, you came with a delegation of Fae to Terrasen, to make amends for the rift between my mother and Maeve. And you and I took one look at each other in my father's throne room, and we knew."
She didn't fight the stinging in her eyes. "I wanted to believe that was the true world. That this was the nightmare from which I'd awaken. I wanted to believe that there was a place where you and I had never known this suffering and loss, where we'd take one look at each other and know we were mates. Maeve told me she could make it so. If I gave her the keys, she'd make it all possible." She wiped at her cheek, at the tear that escaped down it. "She spun me realities where you were dead, where you'd been killed by Erawan and only in handing over the keys to her would I be able to avenge you. But those realities made me ... I stopped being useful to her when she told me you were gone. She couldn't get me to talk, to think. Yet in the ones where you and I met, where things were as they should have been ... that was when I came the closest."
His swallow was audible. "What stopped you?"
She wiped at her face again. "The male I fell in love with was you. It was you, who knew pain as I did, and who walked with me through it, back to the light. Maeve didn't understand that. That even if she could create that perfect world, it wouldn't be you with me. And I'd never trade that, trade this. Not for anything." He extended his hand. An offer and invitation.
Aelin laid hers atop his, and his callused fingers squeezed gently. "I wanted it to be you," he breathed, closing his eyes. "For months and months, even in Wendlyn, I wondered why you weren't my mate instead. It tore me up, wondering it, but I still did." He opened his eyes, and they burned like green fire. "All this time, I wanted it to be you."
She lowered her gaze, but he hooked a thumb and forefinger around her chin and lifted her face.
"I know you are tired, Fireheart. I know that the burden on your shoulders is more than anyone should endure." He took their joined hands and laid them on his heart. "But we'll face this together. Erawan, the Lock, all of it.
"We'll face it together. And when we are done, when you Settle, we will have a thousand years together. Longer."
A small sound came out of her. "Elena said the Lock requires—"
"We'll face it together," he swore again.
"And if the cost of it truly is you, then we'll pay it together. As one soul in two bodies.
Her heart strained to the point of cleaving. "Terrasen needs a king."
"I have no intention of ruling Terrasen without you. Aedion can have the job."
She scanned his face. He meant every word He brushed the hair from her face, his other hand still clasping hers to his chest, where his heart pounded a steady, unfaltering rhythm.
"Even if I had my choice of any dream-realities, any perfect illusions, I would still choose you, too."
She felt the truth of his words echo into the unbreakable thing that bound their very souls, and tilted her face up toward his. But he made no move beyond it.
She frowned. "Why aren't you kissing me?"
"I thought you might want to be asked first."
"That never stopped you before."
"This first time, I wanted to make sure you were ... ready." After Cairn and Maeve. After months of having no choices whatsoever.
She smiled despite that truth. "I'm ready to be kissed again, Prince."
He let out a dark chuckle and muttered, "Thank the gods," before he lowered his mouth to hers.
"You're my mate." Her words were a breathless rush. "And I am yours."
The world might have been burning around them for all she cared, all he cared, too.
"Together, Aelin," he promised, and she heard the rest of the words in every place their bodies joined. Together they would face this, together they would find a way.
Together we'll find a way, their mingling breaths, the crashing sea, seemed to echo.
Together.
#Chapter 41#Kingdom of Ash#Sarah J. Maas#Aelin Galathynius#Rowan Whitethorn#Rowaelin#soulmates#mates#spoilers and notes in tags cause this chapter and also spoilers in post cause this chapter first read react with me read along#Rowaelin chapters scenes moments quotes#they want to make it possible bring that love to light#am I allowed to cry? — Again the word endured — finally the dream — the sand she still sees — he’s magic being steady — them talking time#again if Maeve could convince Rowan Lyria was his mate how bad was it when she convinced Aelin her actual mate was dead… this hurts me…#the fact Aelin stopped being useful because it destroyed her beyond belief but the dreams the dreams almost got her because its all she wan#again then both feeling sorry and the other not realizing and then consent and then comfort and love & I just wanted it2be U how could I no#I know you are tired Fireheart (ALL THE TROPES IN ONE LINE… UGH I MISSED THIS SHIP)#together. one soul in two bodies. their endgame like literally they are. I’d choose you too. even the apologies that were needed just heali#what it might have once been — together — not alone — not returning alone — the king and queen of Terrasen — I need u more — 2 whatever end#Aelin watched the boat until it disappeared trying not to stare too long at the clean unstained sand beneath her boots#always north — she didn’t care she just wanted far away — who knew — what she knew-the letters she sent-Valg-dark blood that had turned red#If it had been another dreamscape or some fragment that had blended into the very real memory of Connall's death. — always a plab&theory#all these things to deal with later-she’d rebuild all she had been-her match helper mirror-matched his piercing stare with her own-wait/res#A far cry from a queen's chamber or any she might have purchased as Adarlan's assassin. — how far we’ve come-she had ENDURED she can do it#I'm your mate she said needing to voice it. And you are mine. — Lyria. — I do know. and?&what do you wish me to say?-this was perfect#If what? If you wish it wasn't so. His brows narrowed. Why would I ever wish that? — Aelin. she looked at him at the pain in his words#the way it's changed since Mistward... and grown... even in names like Whitethorn Galathynius together — the brain thoughts are back —#The kiss was gentle-light. Letting her decide how to guide it. So she did. — he’d do it all night if that was what’s he wished#Together we'll find a way their mingling breaths the crashing sea seemed to echo. Together. — mountains and oceans#Might’ve been before-thought snapped-the bond- u r my mate&I am urs-the world might have been burning for all she cared all he cared too#Together they would face this together they would find a way. — claiming him as he claimed her — a scar a marker a tattoo
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#riddlebat#edward nashton#fanart#digital illustration#a lovely friend helped me out with the light placement#this is kinda part of an au i have in mind#in it bruce shoots someone in a moment of desperation while also chasing after ed#who decides to help him get away with it since he recently also killed someone for the first time#in ed's apartment bruce reviews the footage from his contact lenses#and ed decides that what bruce is doing could be enough atonement for his father's sins if he steers him right#bruce on the other hand feels like he can never return to alfred or gordon#and thinks that ed is the only one who can relate and understand him#and so they carry out ed's plan#i do have like some pages planned out of this but im unsure if i could actually make a coherent story out of this#or even actually finish it lol#i might try it out i got nothing going on#you are allowed to steal any of the vague aus i put in these tags btw#and thank you for reading¡¡ have a nice day¡¡
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John Levene pops up as Gene Bradley's co-pilot on his private jet, called Tony, (John Levene's character, not the jet) in The Adventurer: I'll Get There Sometime (1.15, ITC, 1973)
#fave spotting#john levene#sergeant benton#doctor who#classic doctor who#the adventurer#I'll get there sometime#1973#itc#classic tv#Gene's private jet crops up a couple of times in the series‚ yet another example of how he's the greatest everything that ever did anything#it had a copilot in the other eps but not played by John; this ep requires a few lines from the copilot so perhaps that other actor wasn't#considered good enough at reading dialogue? who knows. certainly not me (and Pixley don't write a bible about this stupid show‚ your work#is needed on better things!). little for John to do here except sit in a cockpit and trade worried glances with Gene about bad weather and#plane problems; this was a holiday episode for Gene Barry‚ with just these few token scenes to include him (presumably coming as a blessed#relief to the crew who‚ by most accounts‚ couldn't stand him). it also allowed Catherine Schell (who Barry had had fired) to quickly return#and shoot enough scenes for a couple more episodes; despite Gene B's meddlings‚ the American backers liked her and wanted more of the#character. so we get this episode in which Gene is waylaid in his plane for the whole ep and it's up to his helpers (Schell‚ Garrick Hagon#as the longest lasting Stuart Damon replacement‚ and Barry Morse's Mr Parminter) to do all the adventuring and save the day without Mr#Amazing. Parminter is a curious character; he starts the series as a sort of semi mysterious spy master who calls on Gene for favours and#often knows more than he's telling. abruptly his character shifts completely about half way thru the series and becomes a buffoonish#ministry type who stumbles through cases and fights and has to be shepherded by his long suffering subordinates Hagon and Schell#it's most dramatic here‚ where he's positively idiotic. you'd be tempted to think Morse was simply giving up or playing with the part now#the series was well underway (and Gene wasn't around to shout) but in interviews he actually complained about how the character was#lobotomised by the scripts‚ so this isn't coming from him. who knows? maybe the writers themselves were trying to tank the show#certainly nobody seems to have had a very good time making it (Gene B flatly refused to be interviewed by network for their dvd release..)
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I miss ur posts :( :( :(
hey im really sorry :( i feel really bad that i havent created anything ts4 related in a while. i promise i am working on stuff. the process is slow bc my posts are rlly long and i make all the builds/poses/edits myself... it can be a time consuming process. sometimes there has to be a period of quiet to get the creativity back and such. i promise things are in the works though!!
#jade answers#Anonymous#the truth is it's very time consuming trying to post once a week especially when simblr wasn't very active for a few months#that coupled w my health issues and my being on the brink of ts4 burnout sometimes it's just better to step back#and take time to enjoy other stuff so you feel more inspired when you come back#also TBH... i have been feeling extremely sheepish about how serious i take my ts4 story 😭#guards smite this person for talking about her ocs on her oc blog you know that type of thing#i am basically done w poses for my next post though i just need to take the screenshots and edit :') so yay for that#now i have this thing where im like it's been TOO long since i posted... am i even allowed to update standstill aaahahahah#does anyone remember her... do ppl care... do i have to make one of those returning promo posts idk if i have that in me#if you read all these tags <3
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i can’t believe not even 24 hours ago i was in an exam like that still feels like something i hallucinated
#bc i have accommodations me and all the other academic silly guys go in a little room so it means there’s several different exams happening#and I have EXTRA TIME but the invigilator was like ‘you have reading time right?’ (different things entirely)#and my dumbass as we know can’t refuse a free thing regardless of the context so without hesitation I went ‘yep!’#like I’ll take it if ur offering babe!#which turned out to be such a pain bc in the 15 mins of reading time ur NOT ALLOWED to start the exam u just have to look at it#and my exam was stupidly short bc my lecturer is a lazy gimp so I was just sat there like 🧍🏻♀️#FOR FIFTEEN MINUTES#and the invigilator was really condescending? like defo got told she was in the room with all the neurodivergent and learning disabilities#and took it to HEART like she came over at one point and went to tell me where to write my name??? but obvs I’d already done it???#and I left early and before everyone else and when I put my hand up and said i was finished#she went ‘you’re finished???’ really shocked like#odd. very odd. also I had it’s been so long by the living tombstone stuck in my head the entire exam#THAT was not peak#it’s been so long…. since I last have seen my son lost to this monster… to the man behind the slaughter… 🤪🤪🤪#MY DAUGHTER IF YOU CAN HEAR ME I KNEW YOU WOULD RETURN AS WELL IT’S IN YOUR NATURE TO PROTECT THE INNOCENT IM SORRY THAT ON THAT DAY#THE DAY YOU WERE SHUT OUT AND LEFT TO DIE NO ONE WAS THERE TO LIFT YOU UP INTO THEIR ARMS THE WAY YOU LIFTED OTHERS INTO YOURS#girls will unknowingly memorise the fnaf speech. watch out josh hutcherson#hella goes to uni
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Did these aspects of the story of Legends: Arceus negatively impact your experience with the game?
#Pokemon#Legends: Arceus#Submas#Ingo Pokemon#Warden Ingo#Subway Master Ingo#Emmet Pokemon#Subway Master Emmet#my answer is both...I finished PLA and shiny hunted for a bit but haven't touched the game since early April 2022#for me the story of games is almost always the most important part...i find games more immersive than reading or movies...#...so when a plot is just dropped and nothing is ever explained it's not a good experience for me#...i'm also not happy that they chose to do this with Ingo for so many reasons#At the end I felt like I did everything Arceus and everyone in Hisui asked but it was futile because the two misplaced characters...#...that I wanted to help most were not seen returning home...all I got was a 'piece of Arceus' and that was not exciting at all#...I went into this game knowing from leaks it did not conclude so everything I did felt futile...#I was hoping for a DLC but they immediately moved onto SV literally a month later!#And I know this is because the devs are being given extremely unreasonable scheduling and release dates...#PLA was likely tossed aside to finish up SV and SV is riddled with many issues so...#Here's hoping the devs get the time they need to finish games and tell the stories they want to#Anyone putting their irrelevant two cents in after I said not to or sending me messages like nobody is allowed to feel these things...#...made the game unenjoyable at some points or even entirely will be blocked
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hmm
#having thoughts that i cant rly verbalize well#about being a 2nd gen immigrant who's extremely alienated from my familys culture#largely bc i associate it with their abuse#and bc my parents are extremely religious that culture has only been presented to me through an extremely religious viewpoint#apparently the other brown ppl are like. watching bollywood movies and eating at indian restaurants and indulging in all the secular stuff#meanwhile ive never been allowed to interact with any of that but i HAVE been forced into religious stuff against my will which sucked#and then tying all that back to “im not even a real indian person im basically just white”#and then tying THAT to “should i have chosen an indian name instead of victor”#and the whole being a poc surrounded by eurocentric beauty standards = ppl telling me i look masc#when i look in the mirror and what i see is definitively feminine#but i feel like im at the point of no return where i cant connect meaningfully to that culture anymore (ig ive effectively been whitewashed)#literally no one reading this is going to relate lmao but what is tumblr for if not screaming into the void#idk if i articulated my thoughts well but i DID say its hard for me to verbalize esp without someone else to bounce off of#pigeon coos
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eva being compared to kinzo in that both are super absent and both are super dead. however natsuhi saying this making me think about if there's actually any evidence that she's truly aware of if kinzo is dead already or not. like how much does she Actually know.
#umineko liveblog#logic dictates that if kinzo kicked the bucket before the 1986 conference then natsuhi has to know#if only to explain her behavior vis a vis kinzo vanishing from the study#however if she didn't know the idea of her just having imaginary pep talks with kinzo on the regular is very funny to me so i'll allow it#either that or this can be read as natsuhi also knowing eva is already dead. somehow#except that line of reasoning returns to the Natsuhi Sus argument which is wrong and untrue#so idk. yet again it goes back to how the story is constructed and also the enigma of whatever's truly up with kinzo#like i still think he's probably already dead?#but all the scenes with him give me pause in how to explain them beyond 'witch narrative logic'#perhaps the answer is kinzo is dead but sometimes he's also not dead through the power of magic
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This year's just... yearing.
#So tired of folks thinking they can play in my face + continue to be disrespectful with little to no consequences in return#I am NOT the same girl I used to be#I'm not just gon sit on my hands + take it AND that infuriates them SO bad#cause it's like... 'who do you think you are??? you think you allowed to take up for yourself??? defend yourself?? set BOUNDARIES???'#and that shit blows bc then they feel like they can challenge me to see if I'll fold or not which is even more disrespectful on top of the -#- shit that was already going on in the first place#like if I gotta go through AAAALLL that for a weak ass connection then I gladly let it go but don't let me say that -#- bc then it's an even BIGGER showdown bc I be letting em know that if they gon keep disrespecting me + my folks then they need to get tf on#very simple terms imo but mfs want to fight + be passive-aggressive all day like.... ain't nobody got the time nor the energy for allat fr#and as soon as me and my sisters stand our ground we magically become the villains and the bad guys#and this shit is spread to whoever is willing to listen and this shit irks so bad sometimes ngl bc idfw ppl lying on our characters#this year has completely SUCKED in terms of my connections with ppl and that makes me real life not want to talk to anybody ever again bc#ppl always pretending to be something they not to get what they want out of us#+ as soon as we fall short/make a mistake/unable to do a thing then the mask falls off + they become the most disgusting person ever!!!!!#and it's like... who tf is this person???? this aint who i befriended???? hello?????#and the lamest part about all of that is that we are always 1000% ourselves so we automatically expect folks to do the same with us#and maybe that's our fault for thinking like that idk but at the end of the day the shit is wack#and I just plan on being in hermit mode for as long as time permits + until i get a sign/message to do something else#if anybody read all of this: thanks for reading + sending you so so so much love + kindness into your life! We for sure all need it 🫶🏾✨️✨️#abtme#4:26 pm
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I was planning to build new desktop this fall, but seeing that the winter half year practically chains me to bed making me incapable of sitting up I took some of my savings to get a laptop so I can have it in bed for drawing, writing etc at least. And so I'll save back up the coming months and build it once spring arrives instead (hopefully component prices has gone down then too)
All that to say I can only eat my hands as I catch glimpses of dawntrail news after having been ffxiv-less since july last year. my abstinence is out the roof
#that being said i am admittedly a little bit nervous about returning now that its been so long#i played without break from 2014 til 2020 and then its been on an off between 2020 and 2022#and then since then i havent had the means to play#like on one hand i dont dare looking too much into ffxiv happenings cause my abstinence grows worse#and on the other i worry that ill feel weird coming back#because returning from past breaks have felt weird#which admittedly might be because i dont allow myself to take my time and enjoy things but rather rush to catch up#but whenever i can play im just gonna take all effort possible to not rush and potentially even do things on my own#rather than feel stressed by not slowing down others#im glad for the increased single player options tbh#at the same time the break has done me good cause i feel like im further away from making those mistakes#and having a lot to catch up with before being up to date might be good for me#finding hobbies outside ffxiv has done me good too#my relationship to it wasnt the healthiest as it was my sole lifeline during horrific and traumatic years#but now ive been able to play tons of other games again and read books and draw more and write more than ever#and done more irl things again even finishing one type of education#so honestly? i think itll be fine#i dont have to feel bad over my relationship with the game evolving into a different form#i still love it immensely and its had a profound impact on my life as a whole#both in terms of friends and creativity and also significant other#anyway that got longer and rantier and more personal than i first intended#peace signs and sparkles
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something on my mind lately that i'm not sure entirely how to phrase is like - this is mostly targeted at white trans influencer types, but i find something very grating on the kind of body negativity posting i see in relation to dealing with body dysmorphia. now, body dysmorphia/dysphoria are something that anyone can experience, and not everyone does, and it's different for different people. however, i take issue with the content made around learning how to "pass" by hiding your body, and specifically the language used for it. primarily i see this around "wide hips", and i do see the need and/or want for clothing tips that help people feel comfortable in their bodies, and i don't think there is anything intrinsically wrong with this content's primary goal. however, as trans owned/focused fashion brands are becoming more in number, i'm finding that the representatives i am seeing for these brands are overwhelmingly white, skinny, transmasc individuals. and the language used to market their products is one that is, i think, meant to be addressing dysphoria, but it comes across to me as a narrowly defined negative view. as someone with a larger chest and a larger/stockier frame, all of the tips about "hiding" my wider hips can do nothing tangible for my appearance. you cannot hide genuinely large/noticeable features of your body; trust me, i've tried for years to do so, and sometimes i still try in vain to wear the straight jeans and the special cut tee shirts, and it just leaves me feeling worse because i am not the target audience of these tips. i am not skinny. i also do not think i subscribe to this belief that wide hips are a "dead giveaway" that will prevent you from passing; i think that (and other such beliefs) honestly is rooted in bioessentialist beliefs that i wish we would all unpack and be a lot better off without.
it is not to say that skinny trans people's issues with their bodies are not valid or not okay to talk about. but i do think that rebranding body negativity into the language of progressive thought is unfair and cruel whether it is shaving razor ads telling women that they are beautiful no matter what but that doesn't mean stop shaving, or if it is a skinny, flat chested, white trans person telling me that all trans people are wonderful but more importantly how much their wide hips bother them - and how a product can "fix" both of these issues.
and how am i meant to feel about this whole thing, anyway? if this skinny person's hips are too wide, then what the hell is wrong with me? there is inherent comparison in self hate. putting yourself down will only lead to holding bias against those who are "worse" than you (whether you're aware of it or not) & broadcasting to all the other people with the feature you hate about yourself are surely also ugly or inferior in the same way you believe yourself to be. i don't think body dysmorphia should not be talked about. i do think that talking about it in the language of product placement and brand marketing is doomed from the start. when a skinny person says that their hips are too wide, their jaw is too soft, they hate their nose and with a chest like theirs they'll never pass, i earnestly have no idea what to possibly say, because in their self hate they have entirely vilified me. i am short and stocky with muscle and my jaw is soft and i have acne and wide hips and a large chest. how am i meant to feel safe with those who believe my features to be their worst nightmare? how can i build community with you when i can imagine how you preen in the mirror over your 110 lb build and how awful it is?
this is what is meant when we talk about self love as a form of resistance. you cannot expect to be a safe person as long as you hate yourself for being human.
#and i think there's a lot to add here and a lot of caveats too#bc you're not like. a bad person bc of body image issues#i certainly have my fair share#but instead of focusing on fixing my problem (read: lose a shit ton of weight and become conventionally attractive)#i am choosing that i want to be a safe person that others can feel comfortable with.#and to do that i know i cannot be hypocritical in how i speak about myself#there are many ways of coping with and handling body image issues that do not involve Buying Products To Hide Your Body#one that helps me is that trying clothes on in the store made me breakdown#so i dont do that anymore#i get a good solid understanding of my size at home#and learn how to take the measurements and eyeball if something will fit me#and i go to stores and buy clothes based on that and i dont try them on#if they dont fit in my own room i can be a lot kinder to myself than if they dont fit at the mall#and i can return them or alter them or give them away#long post#body img//#ask to tag#just. could say so much more on this topic but ywah im fed up with it#love yourselves now this is not a request. at the very least stop allowing yourself to hate yourself#easier said than done yes yes but doable nonetheless#and i mean it about being safe for others. i do not like talking about my own struggles with skinny people bc i do not trust#them to be safe people that understand where i'm coming from. i wish it was not that way#but it is. and maybe it would be different if i was speaking to a skinny person that was body positive for themselves and others#and it is and has been. but often that is not the case
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Okay I’m setting literally ONE new year’s resolution for 2023 and it is this: I will not buy ANY books unless I have read something by the author already and know that I will enjoy it. Random ‘I’m taking a chance on this’ type books have to come from the library or a book swap (or my grandma who often gives me murder mysteries to read)
#so like for example if there’s a new stephen king next year that sounds good i can buy it. realistically i will defintely be able to find it#in the library; but if some sort of snag prevents me from going to the library i Can buy it#what i can’t do is see someone on booktube talking about a book i’ve never heard of by an author i’ve never heard of; say ‘i need that’#and drop a fiver on the ebook. NOT ALLOWED#if it’s not at the library; the church bookswap or the bookswap outside the school i simply will not be reading it#it can go in my notes app and i MIGHT (emphasis on MIGHT) buy it if i get a giftcard or if someone gives me money on my birthday#but that’s it. that is ALL. i own way too many unread books to be buying as many books as i buy#i need to be supporting my library and i also probably ought to give back to the bookswap considering i never returned cloud atlas#or the binding. or the bone clocks#in my defence the binding was literally the best book i’ve read this year & i haven’t read the other two yet#i’ll probably take them back eventually. probably.#but yes. this is my goal and i’m sticking to it#personal
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I’m begging you to tell me you’re working on more hannibal fics plssss the one with smoking killed me i need more of your fics 😩🫶
Hey!! I’m not necessarily working on anything beyond packing boxes and transferring furniture currently because I’m in the middle of moving! My desktop & laptop aren’t currently unpacked yet but when they are, I’m going to try and finish up Everything Casts a Shadow. After that’s done and a few gifts I’ve been planning, I’ll probably open prompts :3 But I’m happy you like my stuff!! You can run through my “fics !” tag for some stuff to read thats by authors that continue to astound and floor me (I’ll add some more rn actually) or again my bookmarks over on ao3! I should be back and annoying soon I swear!! Thanks for reading :)
#anonymous#asks !#so genuinely sorry life wont align to allow me to write all the scenarios in my fucked noggin#BUT IM STILL SHOCKED AND BAFFLED ANY WANTS TO READ THEM#<3#i will return i promise#also sorry to all the discord servers ive been unresponsive in I WANT TO INTERACT AND I WILL I SWEAR
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