#organic life (album)
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post 9 favourite album covers 💖
tagged by my lovelies @cordiallyfuturedwight & @raplinenthusiasts to do this :)
• brand new eyes • ceremonials • reputation • american candy • the good witch • melodrama • girl of my dreams • ly: answer • malibu nights
tagging: @aprylynn @glowunderthemoon @btscontentenjoyer & @fireworksgalaxy but no pressure as always
#all of these albums have such a significance in different periods of my life#and yes because i'm me i even organized them by colour lol#some things remain the same huh#tag games
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Midnights is really like the 2.0 version of the 1989 era in the sense that she’s reaching new peaks of success but this time around she’s content and not pushing herself to her breaking point in order to ensure that success, it’s just happening.
#taylor swift#midnights#1989#like don’t get me wrong 1989 had a lot of organic success#but she was so so fixated on crafting this image and getting approval and validation that she really strained herself#and all the while her personal life was not the best#but with this era she’s in a happy long term relationship isn’t focused as much on media perception and reception#she’s just letting her creativity take her wherever it goes#but the amount of promo this album had in comparison to 1989 is a whole lot less#she’s figured out that balance and it’s clearly working for her
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oh organization my bestest friend
#i could never organize anything in real life of course.#but! i am organizing my metallica playlist#it is both chronological and alphabetical ^^ let me explain#i first organize by album (chronological) and then by title (alphabetical)#which is fun! i like it#if only i could do it with my mind#🌙rambling
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#hanhae#phantom#hani#exid#eyes#organic life#1st mini album#2018#khh#hip hop#rap pop#s: downbeat#m: contentment#songs#music#audio
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when is somebody gonna make an imgur that isnt broken as fuck 😭😭
#i was trying to move shit from the liminal album (which started bc they stopped in gallery uploads) to their respective albums and it just#ripped everything in those albums out and put them in the non album images one LOL. luckily it was only two before i realized#i have wayyy too many albums some with over a thousand images to just move to another site this is so fuckedd#every fc has an album and it was perfectly organized in chrono order#and i can't just replicate that somewhere else with all those images it'd take way too long to do#fuck my stupid baka life#bri.txt
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If anyone would like I do have oc playlists too
#only for the Demon Boys unfortunately#also they’re pretty short#cause I’m really bad at making playlists#I have to be super specific with songs#which is why Polly’s is still in the works#cause I’m straight up so picky with choosing music for him#(probably cause I didn’t base him off a song originally)#honestly I need to make so many more playlists for my oc goobers#but all of em would be like one song long let’s be honest /hj#listen all u need to know going into Atlas’s Album is Action Winter Journey is on there#if that means nothing to u you’ve lived a good life /j /lh#Phil’s is all vry 80s core if u like that :-]#Phil has two playlists to keep myself organized#it’s separated by what Phil would listen to and what songs inspired him#top songs on Atlas’s and Phil’s are the songs that inspired them#anyway I’ll get back to pokemon stuff but it’s about to be July so if brainrot about ocs time#but yeah here they are if u want em :-]#rainbowpufflez’s oc tag#Spotify
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hoenstly for someone who loves making silly little lists and charts about so so many things i sure do hate the very idea of making stuff like to do lists
#everything has to be in a nice little list except things abt my actual life fjdbcjdg#like. lists of the zodiac signs and mbti thingies of idols i like... lists of all my kpop albums.... lists of different characters' ages....#lists with a bunch of info abt my ocs.... also playlists for/about like everything.... organizing my playlists by year.....
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george michael, who died seven years ago today, spent his life making private donations to organizations fighting AIDS, homelessness and poverty, including a donation to omwabini in west kenya that helped it grow to new heights. one story alleges he overheard a stranger in a cafe speaking of her debts and had a waitress give her a check he wrote for 25,000 pounds after he left. he anonymously volunteered at homeless shelters. he held a free concert for NHS nurses for his gratitude for his mother's care during her battle with breast cancer. sali hughes stated that he once tipped a barmaid five thousand pounds to help with her debts. he facilitated a trip for 250 disabled and terminally ill children to take a holiday vacation to lapland. when doing press for his big album drop for "older," he gave the exclusive to big issue, a paper devoted to helping unhoused people make income. he donated thousands to two separate women who he saw on television trying to pay for IVF -- one of them found out she was pregnant the day he died. radio dj mick brown said george quietly donated 100,000 pounds every easter to Help a London Child to support poor children.
these are only a few of the charitable acts he did. he did many of these things anonymously, intentionally so. but the thing is when you do so many things that touch so many lives, they tend to outlive you long after you're gone. i think of him every Christmas, and i wish he was still with us. but i'm glad we had him at all.
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me consistently over-analysing the Splatoon song lyrics and wondering why certain kana choices were made and what they could possibly mean in the context of pronunciation and romanizations how i can apply this knowledge to my own transcribed fanlyrics
#splatoon#i have a semester of knowledge on japanese#and im doing this with my life#sigh#i have a google doc with every official lyric release compiled into one place#organized by album and color coded by singer#both kana and english versions#those are separate docs though#and there are some choices that vex me#tbc theyre consistently inconsistent enough to be intentional#but why#what does it mean#nintendo wont give any answers so this is all ive got#what are the subtle differences im not understanding#because i only speak english
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how to build a digital music collection and stuff
spotify sucks aaaass. so start downloading shit!!
file format glossary
.wav is highest quality and biggest
.mp3 is very small, but uses lossy compression which means it's lower quality
.flac is smaller than .wav, but uses lossless compression so it's high quality
.m4a is an audio file format that apple uses. that's all i really know
downloading the music
doubledouble.top is a life saver. you can download from a variety of services including but not limited to apple music, spotify, soundcloud, tidal, deezer, etc.
i'd recommend ripping your music from tidal or apple music since they're the best quality (i think apple music gives you lossless audio anyway. .m4a can be both lossy and lossless, but from the text on doubledouble i assume they're ripping HQ files off apple music)
i also love love love cobalt.tools for ripping audio/video from youtube (they support a lot of other platforms too!)
of course, many artists have their music on bandcamp — purchase or download directly from them if you can. bandcamp offers a variety of file formats for download
file conversion
if you're downloading from apple music with doubledouble, it spits out an .m4a file.
.m4a is ok for some people but if you prefer .flac, you may wanna convert it. ffmpeg is a CLI (terminal) tool to help with media conversion
if you're on linux or macOS, you can use parameter expansion to batch convert all files in a folder. put the files in one place first, then with your terminal, cd into the directory and run:
for i in *.m4a; do ffmpeg -i "$i" "${i%.*}.flac"; done
this converts from .m4a to .flac — change the file extensions if needed.
soulseek
another way to get music is through soulseek. soulseek is a peer-to-peer file sharing network which is mainly used for music. nicotine+ is a pretty intuitive (and open-source) client if you don't like the official one.
you can probably find a better tutorial on soulseek somewhere else. just wanted to make this option known
it's bad etiquette to download from people without sharing files of your own, so make sure you've got something shared. also try to avoid queuing up more than 1-2 albums from one person in a row
tagging & organizing your music
tagging: adding metadata to a music file (eg. song name, artist name, album) that music players can recognize and display
if you've ripped music from a streaming platform, chances are it's already tagged. i've gotten files with slightly incorrect tags from doubledouble though, so if you care about that then you might wanna look into it
i use musicbrainz picard for my tagging. they've got pretty extensive documentation, which will probably be more useful than me
basically, you can look up album data from an online database into the program, and then match each track with its file. the program will tag each file correctly for you (there's also options for renaming the file according to a certain structure if you're into that!)
there's also beets, which is a CLI tool for... a lot of music collection management stuff. i haven't really used it myself, but if you feel up to it then they've got extensive documentation too. for most people, though, it's not really a necessity
how you wanna organize your music is completely up to you. my preferred filestructure is:
artist > album > track # track
using a music player
the options for this are pretty expansive. commonly used players i see include VLC, foobar2000, clementine (or a fork of it called strawberry), and cmus (for the terminal)
you can also totally use iTunes or something. i don't know what audio players other systems come with
i personally use dopamine. it's a little bit slow, but it's got a nice UI and is themeable plus has last.fm support (!!!)
don't let the github page fool you, you don't have to build from source. you can find the releases here
click the "assets" dropdown on the most recent release, and download whichever one is compatible with your OS
syncing
if you're fine with your files just being on one device (perhaps your computer, but perhaps also an USB drive or an mp3 player), you don't have to do this
you can sync with something like google drive, but i hate google more than i hate spotify
you can get a free nextcloud account from one of their providers with 2GB of free storage. you can use webDAV to access your files from an app on your phone or other device (documents by readdle has webDAV support, which is what i use)
disroot and blahaj.land are a couple providers i know that offer other services as well as nextcloud (so you get more with your account), but accounts are manually approved. do give them a look though!!
if you're tech-savvy and have an unused machine lying around, look into self-hosting your own nextcloud, or better yet, your own media server. i've heard that navidrome is a pretty good audio server. i unfortunately don't have experience with self-hosting at the moment so i have like zero advice to give here. yunohost seems to be a really easy way to manage a server
afterword
i don't know if any of this is helpful, but i just wanted to consolidate my personal advice in one place. fuck big tech. own your media, they could take it away from you at any moment
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#hanhae#phantom#gaeko#dynamic duo#in my dream#organic life#1st mini album#2018#khh#hip hop#soul#s: downbeat#m: frantic#songs#music#audio
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NSFW ALPHABET
[DI! Leon S Kennedy Edition]
❗Minors Do Not Interact ❗
A = Aftercare (what they're like after sex)
Cuddler, massive cuddler. Honestly I see Leon as enjoying his partner being cuddled up to his chest but as long as you're touching each other he really doesn't mind. He just needs to be grounded after sex because he's not use to intimacy. (Remember y'all, aftercare in important FOR EVERYBODY INVOLVED DOM/SUB/SWITCH WHOEVER!!!)
B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner's)
Definitely proud of his arms. Man's got two pythons where his forearms are supposed to be. I'd be proud of those bitches too. It also doesn't help how often you tend to cling to them, admire them while cuddling up together or compliment how they look when he flexes.
When Leon's asked the good old "tits or ass?" question older than time itself he smirks and simply says thighs. He loves something plush to nap on when he comes home from work. He always says it'll be a quick 30 minute nap but he's always out for 3 hours when he's laying his head on your lap. They're just such a nice pillow and even nicer wrapped around his head.
C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)
Usually prefers finishing inside. If not then on your stomach. There's just something mesmerizing about watching his cum slowly drip out of you on down your belly that just makes him so horny that he can't get enough of you.
D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)
Okay... So you send Leon pictures and he saves them. (He'd never share them though) But he secretly has an album in his phone labeled as WORK meticulously organization so that when you open the album it has important looking photos but if you scroll far enough it's just things you've sent him. Nudes, videos, even screenshots of steamy texts.
E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they're doing?)
Decently experienced. Enough to get him by but also good at listening to his partner. Takes criticism well in the bedroom. Just wants his partner to have a good time and show that he loves you.
F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)
On your side or anything he can see your face. He's often tired so slow easy strokes on his side and using his hands is right up his alley. But for when he's feeling more energetic he's definitely up anything he can see your reaction with. He aims to please and the man is a good shot.
G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)
Definitely 50/50. Leon can crack jokes when his life is at risk I'm sure he'd probably say something goofy to make you laugh or even something stupid like "come here often?" When you're changing positions and his creaky body pops or cracks he'll say some smart ass comment about the bed makes weird sounds again.
H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)
Definitely trimmed. Leon doesn't strike me as a massively hairy guy to begin with. But what hair he does have is well kept.
I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)
Intimacy is his favorite part of it all. Very tender and soft compared to what he is during work. Enjoys the touching the most. He's very touch starved. Cuddle him and he'll melt into a puddle. He LOVES being little spoon.
J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)
Jerks off often. Uses it as a stress relief thing but doesn't do it as often when he gets a partner. But I do think when he's away on cases and he has downtime at night he tends to call his partner and have phone sex.
K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)
Begging, biting, breeding, dirty talk, edging and roleplaying
L = Location (favorite places to do the do)
Anywhere at home. Leon would most likely be super hesitant about doing anything outside of the house and risking criminal record.
M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)
His partners touch. Leon just really likes being touched. If you mostly just kiss him and move to his neck (it's sensitive, that's why he rarely wears anything that constricts his neck) you'll get him going in no time.
N = No (something they wouldn't do, turn offs)
No hitting, nothing with feet, no bathroom related stuff, no voyeurism or exhibitionism and no humiliation
O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)
50/50. But definitely more giving in the oral department. Uses it as a form of foreplay. Enjoys it because he loves hearing your slowly break and cry for him.
Sometimes he's just to exhausted to fuck so those are the times he'll just straight up tell you to sit on his face. He doesn't care if you're bigger, he knows you're not gonna hurt him. If you try hovering her will definitely wrap his arms around your thighs and pull you down on him. The man is skilled with his mouth and hands. So be prepared for the time of your life.
P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)
Definitely slow sensual type of guy. He likes making every moment last. But there's definitely been a flurry of passion after gets back from particularly long cases.
Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)
If he has to go out for work and he has a little bit of time before leaving, most definitely he'd be down for a quickie.
R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)
He's fine with experimenting but not often.
S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)
Good for 3 rounds unless he's super tired. Last decently long, always makes sure his partner gets off first each time.
T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)
Oh Leon definitely owns one of those vibrators that work with apps. Sometimes when he's due to come home and he knows you have it in you he'll just tease you on the way home.
U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)
Usually Leon doesn't tease but when he's in a particular frisky mood, he will make beg to cum. And he doesn't care if you want it. If you don't beg like he wants he will make you wait and keep bringing you to the edge over and over like an asshole.
V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)
Not loud in the slightest but he's definitely not scared to moan or whimper. Even curse under his breath, especially if he has you on your side and he's right in your ear.
W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)
Said I love you for the first time during sex. Was mortified with himself, he meant it but was extremely embarrassed. Apologized profusely and told you he did mean it. And thankfully you love him back, obviously.
X = X-ray (let's see what's going on under those clothes)
Ah yes, python 3. I'll be honest, I'd say he's at the higher average end in size but makes up for it in girth... Like a fucking coke can.
Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)
Leon had little to no sex drive but once you two got into a relationship he's like a teenage boy again. Can barely stop from wanting you all the time. But he's still more of the romantic intimate type and would rather just exist with you than constantly be at each other.
Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)
He clings onto life afterwards. Just wants to make sure you're taken care of but the second you relax against him he's down for the count. Like a god damn bear in hibernation.
#leon kennedy x reader#leon s kennedy x reader#leon kennedy x fem reader#leon s kennedy#resident evil x reader#🌿 ivy writes
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Imagine If You Will...
Acting as the Frontman's PA, and having the Guard harem wrapped around your finger.
This part is:
PA Announcer
Musical Fan!reader
This will be a choose your adventure kind of thing where there will be multiple with jobs/specialties/interactions.
a/n: Hope you like Mamma Mia xoxo
Please don't hesitate to request!!
Walking a few steps behind the Frontman, peering through your silver mask and analysing the clipboard in your hands you updated your boss on the status of everything being prepared for the games.
Based on the grunts and scoffs he let out you crossed out and marked different items on the list. For a man of little words, he sure was good at communicating. After the large doors to the hall closed, you looked first to your boss then to the militia-like staff.
Handing over the checklist to the closest square, you nodded to your boss and turned to leave.
“Squares 1 through 16, Your men will be painting the halls. Squares 18 through 21, Your men will construct the bridge. Squares 22 and 23..." As you approached your office the front man's voice faded away.
There was a surprising amount of paper work for a company that strived to leave no traceable evidence, you supposed they needed to be completely aware of the crimes that the company had committed as to better cover their tracks. That being said, you would swear that the pile had grown since before breakfast.
So sitting down in your little office you pulled off your mask and began to sort through the first few files. After certain issues and unauthorised branches sprung up in the command structure of the previous year's games, you been given the tedious task of vetting all potential contestants.
The main rules were; no one with medical training, we cant have another spout of organ harvesting, no one with knowledge that could reduce or alter the difficulty of the games, aka no more glass guys, and so on and so forth for what seemed to be an unending and ever growing pile of filters.
You'd made it through half of the pile, removing a few of the contestants for their quote unquote leadership qualities, when an alarm chimed from your phone. Tugging forward the microphone you grabbed the notes from today's agenda, before crackling the speakers to life with the press of a button.
'It is now midday. Lunch will be available to grab under the sun for the next 90 minutes. Today's music choice is... mine and will be the entire Mamma Mia musical soundtrack followed by twenty minutes of me replaying my favourite songs.'
Pressing play on the album and turning off the microphone you opted to return to your work for the time being, only now there was the occasional humming along.
When a tapping came from your window you finally stopped, slipping your silvery mask back into place and tugging back the unnecessarily extravagant curtain you observed a single circle giving you a thumbs up.
Waving to him you stepped closer and peered to the side, down the hall stood a group grooving, and as you pressed your ear to the glass you could hear their voices singing along.
Sneaking your secure and very dumb brick of a phone out of your pocket you started to record, before noticing the circle was now waving for you to join them.
Deciding... screw it you leaned your phone against the sill and slipped out of the office to join the gaggle of guards. Only then did you notice just how loud the PA system was set to as the concrete under your feet vibrated with the music.
Dancing and singing along, the group seemed to grow as the album played on... until your boss' brash tone cracked over the system;
'Okay that's enough, go get your food.'
Oh yeah... lunch.
#squid game imagine#squid game#guard harem#guards x reader#pink soldiers#pink guards#pink soldiers x reader#guard x reader#pink soldiers imagine#Squid game#squid game x reader#guard harem imagine#guard harem x reader#Imagine if you will...
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growing up räikkönen | f1 grid
fem! reader x räikkönen family, f1 grid
note(s): reader is kimi’s eldest daughter 👍 2nd pov but for the plot reader has a name. We start off in the 2021 season, reader becomes a driver for mclaren the 2022 season. main idea is everyone is obsessed with her lolol
Warning(s): potentially triggering relationship dynamics, some obsessive behavior tbh bc i like em crazy, mostly cute stuff tho!
GROWING UP RÄIKKÖNEN MEANS having a chaotic first few years, but with your father everything always works out. kimi isn’t even 22 when you’re born (2001), and your mother is just a fling who sadly passes away before you turn one, but you are his world. he melts at the sight of his eldest daughter; the one who he raised as his alone. Sure, you’ve had a couple step moms, but only one father who happens to be the protective type. You grow up in the f1 paddocks because kimi doesn’t like being apart from you for too long. even with his marriage to jenni, he has her watch you during his races. Just the racing part though, he commonly totes you along with him during anything he can, even media duties. due to his own upbringing, your schooling is the highest of priorities, but it’s still a guarantee you know how to drive anything by age 16. He wants you to be prepared for anything life throws at you, though of course he wouldn’t let you do it alone.
♤ ♤ ♤
SOME DAD! KIMI THINGS; childhood
he named you after himself (kimi -> miki, unoriginal)
when you were ages 1 month - 6 years, he took you everywhere with him
he nicknames you “lumienkeli” snow angel in finnish
his first tattoo was a portrait of baby-you with your full name and birth date
kimi can’t say no to his little girl, so you end up bringing all kinds of stray pets home, even from other countries
you and step-mom jenni iconic duo
uncle seb vettel and michael schumacher (who babysat you growing up) buying you and kimi matching outfits
kimi is very bad at documenting things properly, so jenni organized and labeled his entire “isä ja miki-mäiri” photo album. after they divorced, minttu took over that position, adding robin and rianna.
no-dating rule implemented as soon as you mention a crush at school (you were 6)
crazy dad! kimi who tried to run over your first boyfriend with a snowmobile
a responsible drinker around his sweet daughter but when you’re home attending school, he has his iconic drinking benders (championship era all the way to his divorce era)
kimi who learns to braid hair so you can keep your hair tidy and untangled beneath your first helmet
you are his mini-me (mostly, just in the ways he intended)
♤ ♤ ♤
Twitter; self-ran
♤ ♤ ♤
Instagram; self-ran
♤ ♤ ♤
photo album; written by kimi-matias räikkönen (edited by jenni dahlman and minttu räikkönen)
äiti ja miki-mäiri lumienkeli mik ja isä
2001 <3 (2004)
isosisko miki, minun miki-mäiri miki-mäiri ja robin ja rianna 10th syntymäpäivä setä rami (2006)
miki ja jenni <3 isän vauva miki-mäiri ja
(2003) (kesäkuuta 2002) serrku justus
♤ ♤ ♤
this is the introduction to this fic / au. Please send asks to get the ball rolling! If you don’t know kimi lore, this might not make much sense oops
- ren
#f1#f1 x reader#f1 fanfic#f1 fic#f1 oc#dark! f1#kimi raikkonen#kimi raikkonen x reader#kimi raikkonen daughter#f1 reverse harem#f1 grid x reader#obsessive f1#yandere f1#kimi räikkönen x daughter reader#carlos sainz x reader#charles leclerc x reader#max verstappen x reader#lando norris x reader#daniel riccardo x reader#mick schumacher x reader#formula one#lewis hamilton x reader#Pierre gladly x reader#kika gomes#lance stroll x reader#alex albon x reader#lily muni he
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purpose on earth
summary: joel loves to take, you love to give.
tags: 18+, smut, angst(ish), jackson era!joel, cold!joel, grumpy!joel, innocent!reader, dom!joel, implied age gap (reader doesn't remember pre-outbreak), corruption kink, joel takes your undies, humiliation, oral sex (m!receiving), allusion to thigh riding, a feeling of helpless/hopeless-ness permeates this fic, reader is pretty pathetic, use of "sweet girl", objectification of reader, unrequited obsession, this fic isn't necessarily sexy, just mildly sad.
a/n: i literally wrote this like an hour ago while i was supposed to be outlining my next project, but @hellishjoel told me to listen to my creative demons... so now this is being posted.
(1.1k, just a baby)
Nothing in this world has ever, or will ever, belong to you. Faint memories glaze your mind sometimes, when you lay down to rest. Not your own memories, but things you’ve read in books and seen in abandoned family photo albums. White wedding dresses, cars that drive, Sunday night family dinner. An American lifestyle that was sucked away with the cordyceps, something only they could clear out. The bombs the government used, the ones you can’t remember anymore, they never wiped mother earth clean the way she has done for herself.
She’s infected, and not yours. Nothing outside of Jackson’s walls belongs to your human hands.
You’ve never known ownership. The clothes you wear belonged to people before you, the ground you walk on cannot be sold. Maybe in another life this would feel fulfilling, but something in you wants to know what it is to own, or even fit in. Your skin, flushed and healthy, skin full of life and blood and organs. A heart that thumps in a world of disease, disorder, death. What a weird purity you hold, something you want to ruin.
A person like you isn’t meant to own anything here. It feels like you have to belong, if you wish to take.
He will do it for you.
Joel knows greed, remembers the world before. His hands have taken food, land, lives, anything you can imagine. It isn’t something you realistically think about, more infatuated with how he has the ability to do all these things. Not that you hadn’t committed your own sins, but to defend yourself isn’t wrong, at least that’s what he says. Something in Joel smolders the way only a primal fire can, he is from a world whose memory of a flame will extinguish soon.
He doesn’t help with any of your wants, your need to own or belong. But Joel shows you what it is to take.
You don’t understand the fascination he has with you. The memory of the night he first led you back to his house is blurry, a fleeting moment in comparison to what has happened since. There was conversation of music, of you having a tape you wish you could play.
His hands were slow when they slid your underwear down your legs, you hoped he wasn’t looking. Nothing about you felt sexy or womanly, you felt dwarfed when he was so close. Again, you wished you could belong, so maybe you could hide. There was a stain in the gusset and you remember how he pulled the garment off your ankles when it dangled there.
“Lemme see,” he had demanded, “lemme see what I did t’you.”
Joel had smeared his thumb through the sticky wet mark, huffing in surprise. He knew it was for him, knew there was nothing else that could have made you do that. Humiliated, you had tried to yank back your underwear, but he refused.
“S’mine now,” he laughed, cheeks rosy.
That was the first time Joel took from you.
Now you seek him, the ache for belonging in the world twisting to a yearning for him to take from you. If you could not belong to this world, if you could not fit, at least you could fulfill him. Joel doesn’t like it when you seek him out too often, hates when others notice it. You’re not his, never his, just a moment of gratification for his consuming greed.
Once, you waited in the early morning at the stables for him. Crouched near the barn door, you waited and watched the dewy grass grow. The crunch of his boots, the yawn he let out as he passed by you, it was enough. He said nothing to you, took off on his horse with some other man trailing behind him.
“Joel’s so responsible,” you thought to yourself, “he’ll need me later I bet.”
Of course, he did. You relished in the small victory of him stealing from you again. Purity leaks from you in the form of drool on your chin, when he pulls you off his cock. Joel’s thumbs push the spit back in your mouth and you suck it down willingly. Praise rumbles off his tongue and into your ears, a southern rhythm you find sanctuary in. Pushing his dick back into your mouth is all pleasure to him, but it’s a taste of greed for you.
“Sweet girl, that’s a good mouth f’me, ain’t it?” Joel asks, head tilting back.
He never takes his pants off, but he strips you naked. His eyes arguably take more than his hands ever will. The bob of his Adam's apple hypnotizes your eyes as you garble a response to his question. Scarcely do you make sense around Joel, or even speak. You don’t think you can remember the last time you held a proper conversation with him, he usually just waits for you to come around.
It all starts the same, standing on his porch and waiting until he opens the door.
“Missin’ me?” He asks every time.
Joel doesn’t miss you, he doesn’t need you. He just likes how much you give. But you miss him, as soon as he pushes you out into the cold again you miss him. His greed is your purpose.
And so with your purpose, you push yourself down to the base of him. The waterline of your eyes is welling up fast, distorting your vision of him. You blink up at him like he’ll look down, like you’re more than a mouth. You aren’t, not to him, but you get to admire him like this. The puff of his chest, the swell of his throat, and his hands when they come to rip you off him.
He never pulls your hair, just grasps your face in his worn-down palms and pushes you away before jerking himself onto your naked body.
“S’nice, you’re so nice t’me,” he grumbles.
Under the yellow light in Joel’s living room, you feel useful. You’re doing more than surviving in this world. You have a purpose, even if he seldom needs you. He uses the sleeves of his flannel to wipe away the tears that slide down your cheeks, still mumbling about how sweet you are. Naked, smattered in him, you smile. Glittery eyes meet his and he snorts.
“You were missin’ me, huh?” He teases.
Joel rubs his thumb across your cheek again, the closest thing you’ll get to his lips on you. In his post-orgasmic haze, he almost looks fond.
“He almost likes me,” your mind whispers, your stomach fluttering, “it’s almost like I belong.”
And once you’ve nodded in response to his question, messy mouthed and gazing at him, your purpose, he taps his thigh. Blood rushes to your head as you stand, crawling onto him.
In your obedient mind, you define your efforts for Joel as a purpose, but you think you can taste a hint of belonging each time he spreads your legs.
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