#but she was so so fixated on crafting this image and getting approval and validation that she really strained herself

[kingofmyborrowedheart]

Midnights is really like the 2.0 version of the 1989 era in the sense that she’s reaching new peaks of success but this time around she’s content and not pushing herself to her breaking point in order to ensure that success, it’s just happening.

[mynarcissticex]

Sexual narcissism can be defined as a grandiose sense of one’s sexual prowess which, in the mind of the sexual narcissist, entitles him or her to engage in acts of emotional and physical manipulation at the partner’s expense. Significantly, sexual narcissism is marked by a lack of true intimacy in the relationship – the partner is merely exploited to fulfill the narcissist’s selfish needs

How do you know when your partner may be a sexual narcissist? The following are some telltale signs. While many people may occasionally be guilty of some of the following behaviors, a pathological sexual narcissist tends to dwell habitually in several of the following traits, while remaining largely unaware of (or unconcerned with) how her or his actions affects their partner.

Here are eight signs that you may be dealing with a sexual narcissist,

1. Charming and Romantic – But with a Catch

Many sexual narcissists can come across as alluring and attractive, especially during the initial stages of a relationship, when they’re trying to win you over. Like a master salesperson, they use charisma to get your attention, flattery to make you feel special, seduction,

to lift you off your feet, and persuasion to get you to give them what they want. Some sexual narcissists are very good in bed (at least they think they are), for sex is used as a tool to impress, entrap, and manipulate.

While there’s absolutely nothing wrong inherently with being charming, romantic, and a good lover, the narcissist crafts these traits in order to use others. He or she is not really interested in you, but only what he wants to extract from you (often to fulfill an inner emptiness due to the inability to create true intimacy).

2. Excessive Focus on Performance and Approval

Pathological narcissists often have an inflated sense of themselves. They crave approval, are highly sensitive to criticism, and may try very hard to perform in bed. This is especially true during the initial phases of a relationship, when they seek to impress and win you over. There’s a major difference between two people enjoying pleasuring one-another, versus a sexual narcissist trying hard to give a virtuoso performance. The first is true passion, while the second mere acting. If you’re on the receiving end of the sexual narcissist’s showmanship, you’re playing a role as well. Often times the expected role is to validate and confirm (worship) what an omnipotent god the narcissist thinks he is.

“My boyfriend’s so fixated on performance when he makes love – oftentimes I feel like he’s more concerned with his performance than he is with me.”

3. Excessive Focus on Physical Over Emotional

The sexual narcissist’s style of love-making is often focused on appearance and image, with a keen dislike for flaws and weaknesses from oneself or the partner. The love-making is less about two human beings connecting, and more about measuring up to idealized expectations.

4. You Exist to Serve the Narcissist’s Needs

After the initial courtship period during which he or she tries to impress and please, a sexual narcissist may begin to demand that you cater primarily to his own selfish needs. He may expect you to be “on call” and satisfy sexual desires at his pleasure, require you to engage in sexual acts which only he enjoys, or demand that you limit your other activities to be more available. Rather than being an individual with your own thoughts, feelings and priorities, the sexual narcissist expects you to exist merely as an extension of his or her wishes. Your own needs are dismissed or ignored.

5. Constantly Puts You Down

In order to put up a facade of superiority, and disguise hidden insecurity and inadequacy, some narcissists will constantly put other people down, to boost their own desirability and acceptability. In a sexual relationship, some (but not all) narcissists may also target their partners for ridicule, blame, shame, sarcasm, and overall marginalization. By subjecting the partner to an inferior psychological position, the narcissist is able to exercise a greater degree of dominance and manipulation.