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familygarden25 · 2 years ago

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From Boosting Immunity to Weight Management: Unveiling the Incredible Health Benefits of Fresh Fruits and Vegetables

It's no secret that fresh fruits and vegetables are essential for maintaining a healthy lifestyle. But did you know that they also offer a host of incredible health benefits beyond just boosting your daily nutrient intake? From improving your immune system to aiding in weight management, the benefits of consuming fresh produce are truly remarkable. Whether you prefer leafy greens, colorful berries, or juicy citrus fruits, the vitamins, minerals, and antioxidants found in these natural wonders can work wonders for your overall health and wellness. In this article, we'll dive into the science behind the incredible health benefits of fresh fruits and vegetables and explore how incorporating more of these nutrient-dense foods into your diet can help you feel your best both inside and out. So, let's get started and discover the amazing benefits of adding more fresh produce to your plate!

Nutritional benefits of fresh fruits and vegetables

Fresh fruits and vegetables are packed with essential vitamins and minerals that are vital to maintaining good health. Eating a variety of fresh fruits and vegetables online can help ensure that you get all the nutrients your body needs to function at its best. For example, leafy greens like spinach and kale are rich in vitamin K, which is essential for healthy bones and blood clotting. Meanwhile, citrus fruits like oranges and grapefruits are a great source of vitamin C, which is crucial for a healthy immune system.

In addition to vitamins and minerals, fresh fruits and vegetables also contain fiber, which is essential for good digestive health. Fiber helps keep you feeling full for longer, which can aid in weight management, and it also helps regulate blood sugar levels, which can reduce the risk of developing diabetes.

Finally, fresh fruits and vegetables are low in calories and high in water content, making them an ideal food choice for those who are looking to maintain a healthy weight. Incorporating more fresh produce into your diet can help you feel fuller for longer, reduce your overall calorie intake, and promote weight loss over time.

Antioxidants and phytonutrients in fresh fruits and vegetables

In addition to essential vitamins and minerals, fresh fruits and vegetables are also rich in antioxidants and phytonutrients. Antioxidants are compounds that help protect your cells from damage caused by free radicals, which are unstable molecules that can harm your cells and contribute to the development of chronic diseases such as cancer and heart disease.

Phytonutrients, meanwhile, are compounds found in plants that have been shown to have a wide range of health benefits. For example, lycopene, a phytonutrient found in tomatoes, has been shown to have anti-cancer properties, while flavonoids, which are found in a variety of fruits and vegetables, have been shown to have anti-inflammatory and anti-cancer effects.

Incorporating a variety of colorful fruits and vegetables into your diet can help ensure that you get a wide range of antioxidants and phytonutrients, which can help protect your cells from damage and reduce your risk of developing chronic diseases.

Role of fresh fruits and vegetables in boosting immunity

Fresh fruits and vegetables are also essential for maintaining a healthy immune system. Many fruits and vegetables are rich in vitamin C, which is essential for the production of white blood cells, which help fight off infections and other foreign invaders.

In addition to vitamin C, many fruits and vegetables also contain other immune-boosting compounds such as beta-carotene, which is found in carrots and sweet potatoes, and zinc, which is found in spinach and mushrooms.

Incorporating more fresh fruits and vegetables into your diet can help ensure that you get all the nutrients your body needs to maintain a healthy immune system and fight off infections.

Fresh fruits and vegetables for weight management

fruits and vegetables online in Chennai are an excellent food choice for those who are looking to manage their weight. Not only are they low in calories and high in fiber, but they also help keep you feeling full for longer, which can reduce your overall calorie intake.

In addition, many fruits and vegetables are rich in water, which can help keep you hydrated and feeling full. For example, a salad made with leafy greens, cucumbers, and tomatoes can help you feel full and satisfied without consuming a lot of calories.

Incorporating more fresh fruits and vegetables into your diet can help you maintain a healthy weight and reduce your risk of developing obesity-related diseases such as diabetes and heart disease.

Benefits of fresh fruits and vegetables for skin and hair

Fresh fruits and vegetables are also great for promoting healthy skin and hair. Many fruits and vegetables are rich in vitamins and minerals that are essential for maintaining healthy skin and hair, such as vitamin C, vitamin A, and biotin.

For example, vitamin C, which is found in citrus fruits and berries, is essential for the production of collagen, a protein that helps keep your skin looking firm and youthful. Meanwhile, vitamin A, which is found in sweet potatoes and carrots, is essential for healthy hair growth and can help prevent dry, itchy scalp.

Incorporating more fresh fruits and vegetables into your diet can help promote healthy skin and hair and reduce the risk of developing skin and hair-related problems.

Fresh fruits and vegetables for heart health

Finally, fresh fruits and vegetables are also great for promoting heart health. Many fruits and vegetables are rich in compounds such as fiber, potassium, and antioxidants, which have been shown to reduce the risk of developing heart disease.

For example, fiber helps lower cholesterol levels, which can reduce the risk of developing heart disease, while potassium helps regulate blood pressure, which can also reduce the risk of developing heart disease.

Incorporating more fresh fruits and vegetables into your diet can help promote heart health and reduce your risk of developing heart disease.

Conclusion: Make fresh fruits and vegetables a part of your daily routine

In conclusion, fresh fruits and vegetables offer a wide range of incredible health benefits beyond just boosting your daily nutrient intake. From boosting your immune system to promoting healthy skin and hair, the benefits of consuming fresh produce are truly remarkable.

Incorporating more fresh fruits and vegetables into your diet can help you maintain a healthy weight, reduce your risk of developing chronic diseases, and improve your overall health and wellness. So the next time you're at the grocery store, be sure to stock up on a variety of colorful fruits and vegetables and make them a part of your daily routine. Your body will thank you!

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pluckk · 2 years ago

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Building Healthy Habits: Incorporating Vegetables into Your Daily Routine

Did you know that only one in ten children eat enough vegetables every day? It's a concerning fact considering that vegetables are packed with essential nutrients that help our bodies stay healthy and fight off diseases. Yet, many of us struggle to incorporate these powerhouse foods into our daily diets.

So, the question is, how can we add more vegetables to our lives and make them a regular part of our meals? If you're someone who finds it challenging to include veggies in your diet, you're not alone. But the good news is that there are plenty of easy ways to buy online vegetables and make it more prominent part of your life.

Whether you're a picky eater, short on time, or simply unsure how to prepare vegetables, there are tips and tricks that can help. From sneaking veggies into your favorite meals to trying new recipes, with the help of organic vegetable shop near me into your diet doesn't have to be a daunting task.

In this blog post, we'll provide you with some practical and creative ideas for adding vegetables to your life. By the end of this post, you'll have a variety of strategies to try, making it easier than ever to increase your vegetable intake and reap the benefits of a healthier diet. So, let's get started!

If you are struggling to incorporate more vegetables into your diet? How much is enough?

The recommended range for adults is two to four cups per day, based on age and gender. It's important to note that there's a wide variety of vegetables to choose from, so don't force yourself to eat something you don't enjoy. A helpful chart on the My Plate site can assist in identifying what constitutes a cup of vegetables.

Incorporating vegetables from organic fruits and vegetables online shops into your meals or snacks throughout the day can help meet the daily recommendation. Trying different vegetables each week can help find which ones you enjoy the most. If fresh produce is too expensive, canned, dried, or frozen options are acceptable alternatives. Freezing vegetables can also retain nutrients and freshness.

It's important to check the Nutrition Facts Panel to ensure you're not consuming excess sodium. Adding herbs and spices can enhance the taste of vegetables. Celery sticks can be used as a garnish and also count as a cup of veggies.

The key to buy online vegetables to incorporate fresh produce into your diet is forming habits that can build over time. Starting somewhere is crucial, and the more days per week individuals consume fruits and vegetables, the greater their intake will be per day. With a little bit of trial and error, there are infinite ways to enjoy eating vegetables.

Why should one get the best stuff?

Eating vegetables is essential for maintaining good health as they contain a wide range of nutrients that are beneficial for the body. For instance, a medium broccoli stalk contains vitamin C, vitamin A, calcium, iron, potassium, and fiber, which all provide numerous benefits. Vitamin A helps keep skin and teeth healthy while vitamin C aids teeth and gum health and fights against free radicals that can cause cell damage. Calcium supports strong bones, while iron helps deliver oxygen throughout the body. Potassium is essential for cell, nerve, and muscle functions and is often lacking in the American diet. The fiber found in organic fruits and vegetables online are digested, but it helps maintain regularity and lowers the risk of heart disease, diabetes, and some cancers. Additionally, fiber is beneficial for the gut's microbiome.

Furthermore, vegetables contain phytonutrients, which are plant compounds responsible for their color and texture. Although there is no daily recommended amount for phytonutrients, they offer significant benefits to our health. Studies are still ongoing to uncover the full extent of the positive impact these compounds have on our bodies.

In summary, consuming vegetables is crucial for good health because they contain essential vitamins, minerals, fiber, and phytonutrients. Incorporating a variety of vegetables into our diets can help maintain optimal health and prevent chronic diseases.

Key Takeaway:

Incorporating vegetables into our diets is critical for maintaining good health and preventing chronic diseases. Unfortunately, only one in ten Americans consume enough vegetables every day, which is a concerning statistic. However, incorporating vegetables into our meals doesn't have to be a daunting task. There are plenty of creative and practical ways to add more vegetables to our lives.

To start, it's important to identify how much is enough. The recommended daily range for adults is two to four cups per day, depending on age and gender. There is a wide variety of organic vegetable shop near you to choose from, so it's crucial to find the ones that we enjoy the most. If fresh produce is too expensive, canned, dried, or frozen options are acceptable alternatives.

Eating vegetables provides us with essential nutrients, such as vitamins A and C, calcium, iron, potassium, fiber, and phytonutrients. These nutrients offer numerous benefits, from keeping our skin and teeth healthy to supporting strong bones and muscle functions. Additionally, fiber maintains regularity and lowers the risk of heart disease, diabetes, and some cancers.

Incorporating vegetables into our diets requires forming habits that can build over time. Starting somewhere is crucial, and the more days per week we consume fruits and vegetables, the greater our intake will be per day. With a little bit of trial and error, there are infinite ways to enjoy eating vegetables.

So, let's get started and prioritize our health and buy online vegetables incorporating more vegetables into our diets today.

#buy online vegetables #organic vegetable shop near me #organic fruits and vegetables online

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raggedyflowers · 1 year ago

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“When you try to rizz them up”

summary: one piece character reacting at you (trying) to rizz them up. it’s my first time writing smut so … don’t look at me I’m shy (may delete later)

character: Ace, Law, Sanji, Zoro x female reader

cr: NSFW 🔞, heavily flirting, suggestive words, semi public sex

Ace:

Drinking with Ace was not a smart idea ‘cause while the alcohol went directly on your brain, it seemed that Ace burned it as soon as it touched his lips. So it’s not a big surprise when at the end of the evening you were drunk, but he was perfectly fine. “So” you smirked at him, with a courage you usually didn’t have. “You catch fire only to the fist or even up the elbow?” it was such a dumb line that you should’ve feel embarrassed even if drunk, but Ace found it endearing. “You are so out your mind right now, y/n” he told you, helping you get to your room. “You make me out of my mind” you kept going, ignoring his laughter. “Whatever you say” he respond to you. “Usually I’m better at flirting” you mumble to yourself. “You’re going great, why don’t you try when your sober?” he asked you with a smirk, leavening you at the door at yours room without words. The next time you hanged out together, Ace kept an eye on you. “Try to remain sober this time, y/n” he winked at you. “I really wanna satisfy your curiosity”.

that night he did satisfy your curiosity… and not just that

you two found your way to Ace’s room and then he showed you how fast he can warm up the situation

He let you sit on his face and he spent the night eating you out

Law:

Your relationship with Law has always been private and even if someone could have said that he was cold with you, you know behind closed door Law was nothing but a loving and caring partner. It didn’t stop you to try to rizz him up in front of the rest of the Heart Pirates. You loved seeing him blushing, but most of all you loved what did come after. “You don’t need to use your devil fruit” you said to a confused Law. “You already have my heart”. You look satisfied the red cheek of your boyfriend who shock his head. “Why are you like that, y/n-ya?” he asked talking over the laughter of your crewmates. “Like what?” you asked innocently. “I just want you to shamble my organs with your dic —” you never finished the sentence since Law grabbed your arms and took you away.

“You already stopped being a brat, eh y/n-ya?” he asked after pinned you at the wall as soon as you two have entered in his room

You could’ve just bite your tongue for keeping your moans low

“Ah-ah” he said while slowly tracing your entrance with his tattooed fingers. “Don’t stop talking now. Let everyone hear you like before”

And then he push his fingers inside of you and you couldn’t do nothing but scream his name

Needles to say your organs were actually shambled that night

Sanji:

“You should wear the burgundy suit more often” you said to Sanji taking him aback. “Mmh?” he asked you, stopping cutting the vegetables. “I need something pretty to look at”. You always said things like that to him, joking mostly, but not entirely. And you loved seeing his cheek turning red after you called him pretty. “Move please, pretty boy” you said one day passing near to him and grabbing his waist to move him. “Y/n ~ ” he mumbled covered by your laugh. “Pretty, really?” he asked you and you cupped his check. “The prettiest” you said to him. “Not as pretty as you, my love” he told you back. “Wanna show me how much pretty you can be for me” you asked him with a mischievous smile.

he did show you how pretty he is

with his red cheek and sweet smile while he pounded into you

“you are the prettiest” he said you groping your breast while he kept his pace. “taking my cock so well”

but really he was the prettiest boys, especially when he lowered himself and started eating you out

Zoro:

One of your favourite activities on the Sunny was watching Zoro work out. You pretended to read a book but your eyes couldn’t help but to lingering on his sweaty body. “Your book is upside down” he said to you with a smirk. “Really?” you asked, without an ounce of shame. “Are you training on the forth swords styles?” Zoro looked at you with confusion. “You know, the other sword in your — ” you pointed at his pants. He smirked. “Wanna found out?” he smirked again.

he actually spent all night “practicing” with his forth sword

you never been more happy to indulge him

“do you like my sword style?” he asked you while keeping the brutal pace pounding into you

you wanted to say yes, but couldn’t form a single thought

#one piece #straw hat pirates #trafalgar law #one piece fluff #sanji x reader #trafalgar d law x reader #trafalgar one piece #one piece fanfiction #roronoa zoro #one piece zoro #zoro x reader #black leg sanji #sanji one piece #ace one piece #ace x reader #ace d portgas #one piece smut #reader insert

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talltalesandbedtimestories · 4 months ago

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Just A Little Spice - Dean x Reader

“Just A Little Spice” - Dean x Reader

Rating Teen

Dean x Reader

Tags: Language, Dean Makes Bad Decisions, Dean in Mild Peril, Dean is Infuriating but We Still Love Him

Word Count: 1500

Dean likes to spice things up, but it would be nice if he didn’t have to put his life in danger in the process.

I'm participating in @jacklesversebingo and this part will fill my "I would burn down the world for you." dialogue square.

A/N: Something Short and Kinda Cute. I ended up finding a way to tie this to my other Bingo Square “Ice Play.”

Image created in Canva (photo used/found through Google Image Search)

You’d gotten back to the bunker a day later. Exhausted from the heat, satiated by the relief from the iceman. You’d found Sam organizing and labeling ingredients in his witchcraft cabinet. He was going to try a few new spells from Rowen’s bequeathed library. Realizing he needed some specialty items, he had to head up Nebraska way to meet with an herbalist who sourced supernatural spices.

Dean hovered near the cabinet, picking up jars, and mumbling pronunciations to himself. Sitting on a nearby stool beside a podium meant to support hefty grimoires for spellbook incantations, you chuckled at Sam’s constant swatting of Dean’s hands with each new inspection. You stared at Dean with your best telepathic “stop playing with your brother’s toys” look.

He frowned, relented, and placed a tincture back on a shelf. “That dude, Elijah?”

“Yep,” Sam huffed.

“What’s so important you gotta get right now?” Dean shrugged.

“Nothing important. I found a couple of spells that can change atmospheric pressure and manipulate temperature shifts. Was thinking those could come in handy in the greenhouse. Planning some experiments with out-of-season fruits and vegetables or plants that usually can’t grow in our area.”

You smiled. Sam had become quite the gardener the past year.

Sam eyed Dean in a way that cued me in on the fact that they had something private to discuss. Dean shot you a gentle “get the fuck out” request with raised brows and a head tilt.

“Alright, I’m gonna get unpacked.” You slapped your thighs and gave Sam a forearm squeeze as you passed. Dean tapped your ass on your way out.

You closed the door but lingered long enough to hear Sam, “I figured you were still planning something for-”

“Keep it movin’, sweetheart!” Dean bellowed.

You sighed and smiled to yourself. Dean had a surprise in mind for your anniversary.

You’d gone along with Dean’s ask for you to head out solo and grab beers and other supplies later that afternoon. Sam was well on his way to Nebraska by then. And, even if you didn’t play dumb well, you could give Dean time to do whatever it was he was doing for you.

Neither one of you was terribly romantic, but Dean could on occasion whip up the softest, cuddliest little moments.

So, two hours later, as Dean had nonchalantly yet specifically detailed for you to return, you stood outside the bunker door and readied for an anniversary celebration for the books.

Instead, after a hefty pull and the rattle and creak of the iron cell-like door, a plume of smoke released and assaulted your senses. Your eyes watered and you began to cough.

Beer and supplies dropped outside the threshold, you covered your mouth and nose with the collar of your T-shirt and darted inside. You crab walked down the stairs, below the cloud of smoke that hovered at the ceiling. Emergency flood lights flickered over the war room, washing it in an eerie red glow.

The bunker door slammed shut when your boots hit the ground floor, but that never happened. Some sort of automatic electrical protocol engaged for a lockdown scenario?

“Dean!” You tried your best shout to carry through the cavernous levels. He wasn’t in the library and the source of the smoke wasn’t anywhere near your current location. You dashed to the kitchen to what you assumed held the source.

You rounded the kitchen entrance. The contents of a heavy stock pot flicked with flames and churned out thick puffs of smoke on the stovetop. Your heart stopped, finding Dean splayed on the floor by the oven. Your eyes widened. Your coughing worsened at the acidic, burning taste filling your nose and mouth.

“Dean!” you called out again between wheezes. In the hazy film of smoke you spotted his head roll at your voice. You surveyed the area in seconds. You dropped to your knees and crawled over to him. You nestled by his side, grabbed his face by the jaw and jiggled. “Dean?”

“Hm?”

“Are you alright?”

His lids flitted open. Upon a deep inhale, his coughing fit began.

You’d freak out and try to figure out what irritant or poison was in the smoke later. For the moment he was alive.

After shielding him from further smoke inhalation, you dragged him by his ankles out of the kitchen unceremoniously up and over a step. The back of his head cracked onto the granite with one of your sharp tugs. He cursed into a terry kitchen towel you’d wrapped around his mouth and nose. About 20 yards into the shit show of a rescue he had enough awareness to flip onto his stomach and urge you that he could manage.

You hopped up, lungs on fire, and ran back into the kitchen despite his yelling and a failed attempt to hook his hand around one of your shins. You grabbed the fire extinguisher in the kitchen corner, pointed the nozzle at the pot, and, from a safe distance, sprayed the flame retardant all over the stove.

The fire was finally out and with it the smoke production.

A familiar smell wafted through the heat now that the flames had dissipated. Roasted Pork? Barbecue?

Arms dropped to your side. They were heavy and searing from the exertion. Tears poured from your eyes. Through blurry blinks as the scene cleared, you spotted a tiny glass jar a few feet from where you’d found Dean.

The extinguisher clattered to the floor. You picked up the jar, examined it with a sigh, accompanied by many more coughs, and trudged your way back to Dean.

He was sat on the floor, back against one of the hall walls. He clutched the towel that had been wrapped around his face. He looked up at you with tear-streaked cheeks beneath the flashing red floodlights. “Thank Christ,” he wheezed out.

“You alright?” you asked and fell to your knees beside him. One hand steadied yourself on his thigh.

He nodded.

You waited a few agonizing minutes with him, gaze steady on each other. The air cleared as each second ticked by, enough for you to both begin to breathe with some regularity. The coughs subsided. His hand clutched yours and squeezed.

You pulled your phone out and dialed Sam.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Sam.” You swallowed, throat dry. “Got a question for you,” you rasped.

“Yeah, sure. You okay?”

“Just peachy.”

You watched Dean’s face begin to redden for another reason.

“Curious, what’s this firecracker pepper do from your stash?”

Sam’s silence on the other end didn't bode well. “Why?”

“I’m guessing it’s not an herb you’d use for culinary experiments.”

After three more beats. “He didn’t?”

“Yep, he did.”

“Holy shit! That stuff is highly combustible! It’s meant to oxygenate a fire and sustain it for a prolonged period.”

“Gathered that. Anything we should worry about with substantial smoke inhalation?”

“Nothing more than the usual. I can be back in a few hours.”

“No, no, we’re good. He’ll clean up his own mess.”

Dean frowned.

“You sure?”

“Absolutely. You enjoy your time away from us.”

Sam sighed. “For fuck’s sake. Never a dull moment.”

“Not with your brother it isn’t. Talk soon.”

You ended the call and stared at Dean. Hard. “Dean?” you prodded.

“We were out of pepper!” His shoulders lifted and met his ears.

“I was out getting supplies!”

“If I’d asked you to get pepper you’d have known I was cooking!”

“I already knew you were cooking for our anniversary, Mr. Not Subtle!”

“I wanted to surprise you,” he murmured. “We missed celebrating the way I’d planned because of the hunt. I was making those spicy pulled pork sandwiches you love with all the extra chiles. I tossed some of the pepper in and this fucking flash bomb happened. I jumped back and lost my footing. Hit my head and that was all she wrote.”

You leaned in to feel the knot on the back of his head. “You probably have a concussion.”

He shrugged. “Nothing new there. I’ll be fine.”

You fumed, nostrils flared. “How can you be so, so-” you tossed your hands in his direction, “-this!”

He dared to toss you a cheeky grin.

“Dean, it’s not funny! You could have burned the bunker down and who knows what could’ve happened to-”

He grabbed your face with both hands. Quietly, he stated, “I would burn down the world for you.”

“Don’t do that.” You whispered. “You aren’t gonna get out of me being mad at you.”

He smiled. “Good. That means we can finally have angry make-up sex.”

You pursed your lips together and swallowed down a laugh.

His expression turned serious. “I made a mistake. It happens. I’ll clean up the mess in the kitchen.”

The thunder in your chest faded away. “You can be so careless sometimes.”

He nodded.

“You just act first, think later.”

He nodded.

“Well, you're right that you’re cleaning up all that mess and whatever the hell you did to the bunker.” You pointed down the hall to the kitchen and up at the lights.

He nodded. “Absolutely, sweetheart.”

You rolled your eyes. “Fine! You can kiss me now!”

He repeated. “Absolutely, sweetheart.”

#jacklesversebingo23 #dean winchester fan fiction #dean x reader #dean x you #dean winchester #dean winchester x reader #dean winchester x you #dean winchester x female!reader #supernatural #spn #dean winchester fanfiction #supernatural fanfiction #spn fanfic #dean winchester fanfic #dean winchester fic

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naturelandorganic · 2 months ago

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Organic grocery store near me

Are you looking for an organic grocery store near you? Organic stores offer a wide variety of fresh, chemical-free fruits, vegetables, grains, and other grocery items produced without synthetic pesticides or fertilizers. Shopping at an organic grocery store ensures you consume healthier, environmentally friendly products that are better for your well-being and the planet. You can easily find organic grocery stores nearby that provide everything from organic staples to specialty health foods, allowing you to enjoy fresh and natural ingredients in your everyday meals.

More info: https://naturelandorganics.com/

#Organic grocery store #Buy organic groceries #Organic food near me #Natural grocery store #Organic vegetables #Organic fruits #Organic health foods

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finnsbubblegum · 2 years ago

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Quarantining Together (Pedro Pascal X Reader)

Pair: pedro pascal x f!reader

Warnings: fluff, pulling pranks (let me know if i missed any)

Summary: Imagine what it’s like quarantining with Pedro Pascal.

Words: 2k

A/N: This is my first pedro fic. I tried my best to imagine how playful and sweet Pedro is in real life. I hope you like it! I’ve been writing Joel Miller fics so I guess I’ll give it a try. I know a lot of you don’t really like a real person fic but this idea came into my mind when I listened to that interview where Pedro talked about the quarantine period during covid 19 pandemic. And when he talked about his friends that supported him during that period, he was holding his cry. I kept thinking what if there was someone there who quarantined with him together so he wouldn't feel alone during the lockdown.

“Did you hear about the news?” Pedro sat on the edge of the couch sipping on his coffee.

“What news?” You tilted your head.

“We’ll have a lockdown from next week. We have to stay at home. The pandemic is getting out of control.” Pedro put his cup on the coffee table.

“Oh..I should get the groceries then. Stock up. I think you should too. Your fridge has nothing.” You chuckled.

He chuckled and froze for a while. His face was so focused. It seemed like he was thinking about something serious.

“I was thinking..” He gulped.

“Maybe we could quarantine here together. What do you think?” Pedro looked at you.

“Here? You sure?” You raised your eyebrows.

You and Pedro had been dating for a few months and he hadn’t asked you to move in. But you always came to his place everyday to spend time together, watch movies, eat dinner, and sometimes crash for a few nights.

“I’m sure, hun.” Pedro chuckled.

“Yay!” You jumped and hugged him.

He groaned at your weight and wrapped his arms around you.

“So should I start moving my stuff today?” You pulled back your head to look at him.

Pedro nodded then he drove you back to your apartment and helped you pack your stuff. You packed your essentials and brought 2 big suitcases. Before you left your apartment for God knows how long, you made sure you had turned off all of the lights and unplugged any sockets.

“Done.” You dragged your suitcases near the door.

Pedro lent his hand to drag both of your suitcases.

“Take this one. This one’s heavy.” You dragged the heavy one closer to you.

“Nuh-uh. I’ll take that one.” Pedro took the bigger suitcase off from your hands.

You chuckled and shook your head. Pedro was always a gentleman and he treated you like a princess. You loved it but sometimes you felt bad.

“Let’s stop by the grocery store before we go to your place.” You suggested Pedro to buy some groceries and stock up.

“Okay.” Pedro nodded and started the car.

You and Pedro bought everything you needed and of course some vegetables, fruits, cereals, milk, and instant food that you could keep for a few more weeks. You went home to Pedro’s house with a lot of paper bags. You and Pedro had to make a few turns to the car to move the groceries.

“Finally! Last one!” Pedro put the last paper bag on the kitchen table.

“Phew! That’s a lot of work.” You wiped your sweat from your forehead.

“Why don’t we take a break, hun?” Pedro massaged your shoulder.

“But we still need to organize them..” You were an organized person so you couldn’t stand seeing messy things.

“Come on, just 5 minutes.” Pedro pushed you gently and sat you to the couch.

You sighed as you sat. You suddenly felt all your muscles ache from packing your stuff earlier today and all the groceries stuff.

“Come here.” Pedro moved closer to you and turned you so your back faced him.

Then he gently massaged your shoulder then your back. He knew you loved back massage so he often gave you massage.

“That feels good.” You closed your eyes and hummed.

He chuckled and kept massaging every inch of your back. Then he kissed your shoulder as a sign that he finished massaging your back. You turned your head to him and smiled.

“Thank you, P.” You placed a kiss on his lips.

“Your turn.” You asked him to turn so you could massage him.

“Not now. Why don’t you do it for me before we go to bed?” He smirked.

“Yes sir.” You smirked back at him.

You and Pedro spent the day organizing the groceries and your stuff. Then you watched a movie in the living room together, cuddled on the couch, and ordered pizza. After the movie ended, the two of you went to bed. You didn’t forget to give him the back massage you owed him.

“Good night, hun.” Pedro kissed your head that was resting on his chest.

“Good night, P.” You rubbed his chest.

His warmth gave you comfort and security that made you sleep so well. You hated the pandemic but on the other side you were glad because it was the reason he finally asked you to move in. Now you wouldn’t have to be worried about having sleepless nights and dealing with nightmares all alone. You had him. You had Pedro there next to you to comfort you when you needed it.

You yawned as the sunlight woke you up. You squealed as you stretched your body then you looked next to you. Pedro was already awake. He was sitting with a pillow behind his back, iPad in his hands. He was reading a script for his next project. You loved watching him in work mode. Pedro was a hard worker and you loved a hardworking man.

“Morning.” Pedro saw you had woken up.

“Morning.” You chuckled and rubbed your eyes.

“How was your sleep?” Pedro put away his iPad to the bedside table.

“Best sleep I’ve ever had this month.” You chuckled and snuggled to put your arms around his waist.

“How was your sleep?” You asked him back.

“I slept so well. Thanks to the massage you gave me last night.” Pedro chuckled and stroked your head.

*TOOT*

Pedro farted. Yes, he farted right when your head was so close to his butt. Then he quickly pulled the sheets and buried you under the sheets. He laughed out loud while you struggled to save yourself from Pedro’s fart bomb.

“P!” You screamed for your life.

Pedro kept fighting you so you couldn’t get out from the sheets. He kept laughing while you were actually dying. He finally let you out after a few minutes.

“What was that?!” You panted, gasping for clean air.

“That..is..my love for you.” Pedro giggled and kissed you.

“You definitely have to poop right now! I mean it! It smells so bad!” You hit his chest.

“Okay. Okay.” Pedro chuckled and went to the bathroom.

You groaned as you got out of the bed and opened the window for ventilation. His fart smell was still stuck in your nose and you needed fresh air. While you waited for him doing his business, you went to the kitchen to make breakfast. You toasted some bread, fried some eggs and bacon.

“Hmm, smells so good, honey.” Pedro suddenly hugged you from behind.

You chuckled as he swayed you for a moment before he sat.

“Thank you.” He thanked you for making breakfast for him.

“You’re welcome.” You smiled and took a bite of your toast.

“What do you want to do today?” Pedro asked you what you had planned for the day.

“I was thinking of reading a book and just chill.” You shrugged.

“That’s a good idea.” Pedro nodded.

“How about you?” You asked him back.

“I have to practice my lines. And I need your help.” He mumbled while munching on the bacon.

“Of course, I’ll help you with that.” You smirked.

After the two of you finished breakfast, Pedro offered to wash the dishes. You took a shower and went to the pool to read under the sun. You read a few pages and dozed off.

*SPLASH*

You screamed as you fell inside the pool. You tried to find your balance and stood up in the pool. The water was high up to your chest. You heard Pedro laugh while you panted and wiped your face.

“I HATE YOU!” You yelled at him.

Pedro bursted into laughter. He loved pulling pranks on you because he enjoyed watching your reactions. You knew he was always a prankster and sometimes you pulled a prank on him but his pranks were worse. You could never win from his pranks. It hadn’t been one day yet and he already pranked you twice. You needed to prank him back.

“Think, think, think.” You kept telling yourself inside your mind.

You decided to act pissed and gave him the silent treatment. He lent you his hand to help you out from the pool but you ignored him. You chose to walk on the stairs and got out yourself. Pedro got you a towel but you pushed him away. You just stayed silent and walked inside the house to get yourself a towel. He started getting worried. He believed your acts. He thought you were really mad at him.

“Honey, I’m sorry.” Pedro followed you from behind.

You didn’t answer him, not even looked at him. You went to the bathroom and dried yourself while Pedro leaned on the bathroom door and waited for you. His eyes looked sad and he tried talking to you a few times but you kept quiet. You acted like he wasn’t there.

“I promise I’m not gonna do that again, darling. I’m sorry.” He took your hand.

You wanted to laugh seeing him following you like a toddler. Especially because you were not mad at him. He pulled you but you walked away, your back facing him holding your laugh. You took a deep breath so you wouldn’t burst into laughter. Then you got into character again and went back to the pool. You hoped he was still following you because you wanted to pay him back. Yes, you were planning to push him to the pool just like he did to you.

“Is there anything you want? Let me make it up to you, honey. I’ll do anything you want. Just talk to me.” Pedro followed you to the pool.

“Hit me, honey. If that makes you feel better.” He took your hand and moved it to hit his chest.

Finally, this was it. It was the right time. You gathered your courage and pushed him with force.

“Pay back time!” You shouted and pushed him.

*SPLASH*

Pedro fell into the pool. Your plan worked. You were finally able to laugh. Pedro wiped his face and slicked his hair back.

“You’re not mad at me?” He stood there inside the pool.

“Of course not. I was just trying to get back at you! You naughty!” You stuck your tongue at him.

Pedro laughed. He was relieved that you weren’t mad at him. It was better that you pranked him back rather than you being angry at him.

“I guess we’re even now?” Pedro shrugged.

“Not yet, mister. One more and then we’re even. So you need to be careful.” You raised your eyebrows and put your hands on your hips.

“Yes, maam.” Pedro slowly walks near the edge of the pool.

“Help me up?” He extended his hand asking you to help him out of the pool.

You knew this was also one of his ways to pull pranks on you. You were certain he was going to pull you inside the pool with him. But you were okay with that because at least you had pranked him once today. So you put our hand on his. He smirked and pulled you. Just as you had expected, you were now inside the pool with him.

“I knew you were going to do that.” You wiped your face as you giggled.

“Uh-huh?” He nodded and put his arms around you.

Pedro pulled you closer and kissed your lips.

“Salty.” You frowned.

“Now that..was.. a mix of the pool water aaand..my pee.” Pedro giggled at your face.

He claimed to have peed inside the pool. You gagged and wiped your mouth while Pedro just laughed looking at you. He loved you so much that you were his source of his happiness. He adored you so much and your reactions when he pranked you entertained him.

“You’re so cute, honey. I’m dying.” He gave you a deep kiss.

“I’m dying too because you pulled too many pranks on me.” You chuckled.

“You should know that is my love language.” Pedro cupped your cheeks.

“I know.” You rolled your eyes.

“I love you so much it hurts.” Pedro gazed through your eyes. His eyes were full of love.

“I love you so much too, P.” You smiled and kissed him.

#pedro pascal x reader #pedro pascal fic #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro pascal character #pedro pascal fanfic #fanfiction #fiction #pedro pascal #pedro pascal imagine #pedro pascal fluff #pedro pascal x you #pedro pascal x y/n

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aramiyarkai · 3 months ago

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sknnyvanilla · 2 days ago

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The Chic Diet by kit olsen

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Diets

The Baby Food Diet

Ohmigod, tell me more, right? Enter: the Baby Food Diet.

You don't have to chew anything since the blender did that for you. Portion control won't be an issue either since all of the stores carry single-servings with really low calorie counts. And, like, I guess that babies need clean and well-rounded food or something because, like, all of the ingredients are things that you've heard before and are actually good for you. It's like a juice fast, but with a little more substance and a little less lawnmower drippings. But, like, waaay more affordable, so you can use all of the money that you save on some flavored Pedialyte, which is really just like a zero-calorie coconut water.

Plus, thanks to all of the crazy and demanding yoga mommies decked out in Lululemon with their obscenely expensive strollers, Whole Foods has really upped their game in the baby food aisle. There's seriously a flavour for whatever type of mood that you might be in so don't even worry about the lack of variety. It's like chic girl heaven. Make sure you get there early though, so you won't have to fight with the colicky toddler in the Missoni Bugaboo over the last "zucchini banana & amaranth."

Ella's Kitchen and Plum Organics are good for your basic blends of fruits and vegetables, but I swear that the marketing team at Earth's Best was targeting chic/orthorexic adults when naming their product lines. "Antioxidant Blends?" "Super Fruits?" "Gourmet Meals and Seasonal Harvest?" Um, yea, okay. Like 6 month olds care about that kind of shit.

So, apparently, Tracy Anderson (bless her heart) suggests that one should consume 14 jars per day. Um, no. It's not like we're headed into famine or something. A couple of jars or pouches should suffice and, even then, you should be watching your carb intake. That means NO all-fruit blends, you fat fuck. Make sure to pick vegetable-heavy varieties, though those can be sugarific also. I mean, even "spinach + apple + rutabagas" has 8 grams of carbs after adjusting for fibre. Ugh. Who knew that babies were such sugar whores? It's just, like, really unfair for all of the other customers who are trying to watch their figures.

Take a good look at Abbey Lee Kershaw and Hedi Slimane. See their jutting cheekbones and bulging eyeballs? Yours can totally be like that too, so long as you're willing to adhere to the uber cutesy diet that these two effortlessly chic Skeletors have been known to follow.

Now, everyone that knows that digestion isn't very glamorous. The act of mastication is, in itself, so very vulgar, and then that nasty bolus of caloric horror settles into your distended stomach, stirring up a whirlwind of has and discomfort as it waits for hours to be broken down. After that harrowing process, a trillion fat globules get sent directly to your upper arms and inner thighs. And then, well, you know... something really un-chic happens in le toilette.

But what if you could bypass all of that unpleasantry and just follow a really adorable diet that consists of only a few hundred calories a day? And, like, your stomach will stay flat since it's not filled with festering kale and noxious fumes.

The Air Diet

Every wannabe Carrie Bradshaw (or Charlotte York if you're really annoying) yearns to achieve maximal chicness with minimal effort. And nobody can do posh like the French, right? Even their diets ooze superior elegance that we ugly Americans could only aspire to attain.

Like, take the Air Diet, or L'Air Fooding as French Grazia dubbed it. God, even the name is so chic, I DIE. So anyway, you basically pretend to eat whatever the hell you want, without actually allowing it touch your lips. Naysayers and physicians will be like, "Ohmigod, that's called anorexia!", but, um, no. Anorexia is what my roommate, Sydney, has, and she won't even go near food without having a twitching episode. This is, like, a lot healthier psychologically.

I mean, I totally get it. Everyone knows that enjoying food is an experience and this diet allows you to immerse yourself in the whole process until the actual eating part. But you still get to order your meal, pay for it, cut it up, smell the aromas, and Instagram pictures of your drool-worthy plate. You just don't absorb all of the calories and fat associated with ingesting the actual food. It's like you're a chic French diet mime who traded eating for the right to talk. Ooh, maybe you can buy a really cute. A.P.C. striped shirt to go with your performance. So authentic.

It's not like you don't eat at all, either. You still get to binge on all of the la soupe a l'eau (translation: chic soup with an uber pretentious name) that you want. Oh, you want to know what's in it> Um, I had the recipe right here. Hold on. Oh, here it is. Boiled water and sea salt. Hm. But sea salt has, like, a lot of minerals in it, right? How nutritious.

So, yea. It seems like the majority of my friends have been on this diet for a really long time. Like even before that issue came out. What trendsetters. I mean, it's a great way for cutting calories, you know? As a bonus, it's not even restrictive! Like, you can help yourself to all of the fancily named soup and air that you want. And, like, a variety of air at that. Just stroll through the perfume section at Barney's or traipse through Le Labo when you're feeling bored with the plain, bourgeoisie oxygen around you. And if you're feeling especially ravenous (um, binge eating disorder, anyone?) you can practice some yoga breathing. It's like dietary meditation. Kay, now Ocean Breath, everyone.

The Paleo Diet

While cavemen might not have been very fashion-forward, they apparently knew how to be skinny motherfuckers. The Museum of Natural History really needs to slim down the mannequins in the exhibit to reflect this don't you think? So inaccurate. Anyway, this hunter-gatherer-centric diet is very simple in that it has one rule- only eat shit that Betty Flinstone would have prepared.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with history, this means that Kettle Chips and peanut butter are no-goes. Anything processed, such as Lean Cuisines, or foods that require relatively modern technology to produce, such as grains, are not allowed. Neither are dairy products, refined sugars, legumes, potatoes, processed oils or alcohol. Yup, even alcohol. No, they did not have "Stone Age" vodka or sugar-free "Bedrock" Red Bull back then. Yes, I am positive.

Anyway, you're basically allowed to have wild seafood, organic eggs, grass-fed game, vegetables, fruits and some nuts. The idea behind this style of eating is that humans, as a species, have not greatly evolved since the era of our cave dwelling ancestors. That is, our digestive systems are largely genetically similar to those of dinosaurs and are still not fully adapted to the vast changes in diet that have occurred since the dawn of the agricultural age. Simply put, we're not that great at digesting the majority of the shit foods that line supermarket shelves today. Yes, even the shelves at Whole Foods.

By following the palaeolithic diet, however, we would be providing our bodies with ideal foods to which our digestive systems are genetically adapted, When we are better able to process and absorb nutrients from these easily digested foods, we would be more capable of achieving optimal health.

But who really cares about primal strength and surly shit like that? Not me or any of my friends, despite the fact that everyone I know has "gone Paleo." What we love about this diet is the amount of control and restriction that it provides the user. You can basically reject most foods so long as you can come up with some inane reason as to why. "I'm only channeling cavewomen who lived in the Northern Hemisphere, and I don't think those were native to that region," you can say with a dismissive sniff as you swat away a platter of seasonal stone fruit. Um, apricots have a lot of carbs, didn't you know?

Plus, the diet itself is just really trendy. It's like the new Dukan Diet, which was originally the new Atkins, which was basically the new Cabbage Soup Diet. You'll probably be consuming the same meals that you normally are, but can now affix the hip label of "Paleo" to your dietary habits. But don't do that shit where you put goat's milk butter in your coffee or inhale bushels of avocados in one sitting- no=carb calories are still calories, after all.

The Ridiculously Low Carb Diet

In the world of the chic, all of the inhabitants are consumed with keeping their carb intakes as close to zero as humanly possible. Throw any generic food product at a chic girl and she can spit back its estimated carbohydrate content in mere seconds. And, as if she were a neurologist treating childhood epilepsy, she knows the ins and outs of the ketogenic diet like the back of her Rodin Crema slathered hand.

Though she may have no idea what mitosis is, or how photosynthesis works, ant legitimate chic girl could pass a PhD-level Nutrition exam with flying colours. "In order to get into a state of ketosis, you need to deplete the glycogen stores in your liver and muscles before even tapping into your fat energy sources. To do that, you have to keep your net carbohydrate intake below 25 grams a day," she will prattle off expertly, though she may not even have the faintest idea what she is actually talking about.

Basically, she knows that the lower your carbohydrate intake, the more fat you will end up burning. Thus, being the borderline-psychotic overachiever that she is, she will set an upper limit of approximately 5 grams of net carbohydrates per day for herself.

Plus, carbs are totes unnecessary. No one has ever looked cute while gorging on a slice of pizza or inhaling a burrito. But nibbling on a piece of asparagus or noshing on a sliver of pecorino is just adorbs. They're like low glycaemic pieces de resistance that compliment your Zac Posen cocktail dress. Bread used to be the official food of peasants, just so you know.

"I only eat foods that are green or white," were the first words that my soon-to be-future roommate, Lauren, ever muttered to me. No mention of her name, age or hometown- nothing. That's how seriously a true chic girl take her carbohydrate consumption- it defines who she is.

"What do you mean?" I had asked innocently like a clueless martian. Mind you, I still wore leggings and thought Greek Yogurt parfaits were healthy at the time. (I know, I know- don't judge me.)

Lauren, bless her heart, had then taken me under her wing, expertly gu8iding me into my current status of perpetual ketosis. We basically subsist on kale, spinach, avocado, egg whites, cheese, white fish and chicken breasts. And what can I say? I'm obsessed. The far just melted off like butter (which is totally allowed, by the way.) Like, I never want to belong to any other metabolic state of mind. It's just so simple, and everyone's doing it. I mean, just saunter into a Fashion Week after party and it'll reek of Chanel Chance and ketones. So chic.

So you can go the high fat route a la Atkins, or limit your fat consumption in the way of Dukan practitioners. Either way, you'll lose the flab and be super taut. But you can never go wrong with the Green and White Diet, the secret weapon of fashionistas in the know. And, while trends may come and go, there is one combination that will always be in style- ketosis breath and look of death. #Chic

The Strategic Starvation Diet

"You just don't eat for, like 18 hours a day," the chic girl will explain when concerned friends inquire about her new stringent diet du jour. "But you totally get to have balanced meals for the other 6! It was on the news. They tested it on mice and they, like, totally lived longer. Ew."

Intermittent fasting is like a godsend for the chic. Apparently, it's actually really healthy and has a bunch of scientific studies published to back it up. Not that the chic girl will ever read them, of course. But if positive results actually exist, then there's actually something to validate her cray.

I mean, what kind of diet condones extended periods of starvation? It's as if this way of eating was made up specifically with the chic bitches in mind. Not to mention that i's supposedly uber effective! Like, in clinical trials, researchers found that overweight participants how utilized intermittent fasting lost way more fat than those who ate the same meals spread throughout the day. I knew that whole "6 mini meals a day" adage was total bullshit!

Of course, the chic girl is just an extreme case of human, so she'll narrow her eating window to 2 hours or so. Some deranged bitches may even aim for 20 minutes! Talk about efficiency.

There's an even wackier version of this method that's been named the "Bulletproof Diet," whatever that means. Basically, you drink black coffee with butter or coconut oil stirred in so that you don't get hungry while in your fasted state. Um, that sounds like a lot of unnecessary calories. And chic girls don't get plagued with hunger- we like to refer to it as "getting of track.: Lile, seriously? Drinking butter> That's not even real fasting. People have no willpower nowadays.

Supporters of this way of eating suggest that people snack on healthy foods during their feeding periods, like bananas and apples. Um, bananas are super starchy. And apples? Did you know that apples don't actually have much nutritional value> The only real benefit that comes form apples is from pectin, which will help to regulate digestion. but since chic girls already consume astronomical amounts of fibre, they won't be receiving many benefits from munching on apples. They can totally get their Vitamin C from elsewhere. Ohmigod, you're learning, like, so much from me. This might as well be a textbook!

I suggest that you nibble on a piece of cheese or some veggies during your allotted eating time. That way, you can totally maximize ketosis and burn as much fat as fucking possible. I mean, Emily Blunt's character in The Devil Wears Prada totally knew what she was doing. She was just way ahead of her time. Like, don't you want to be one stomach fu away from sample size too?

The Raw Food Diet

This one's for the extremists, of which there are many in the upper echelons of the chic. Basically, you stick to a diet of uncooked veggies all day long, with the occasional piece of fruit thrown in. As expected, these bitches are skinny as fuck and look great in just about anything. They also absorb, like, maximal nutrients and have beautiful skin and hair. Plus, they get to lecture and judge others all day long about the importance of enzymes and whatnot. These skinny twigs can also consume bushels of allowed foods and still keep their daily calorie counts in the hundreds. Totes ideal, if you can stomach it, I mean. But have you ever tried raw broccoli or mushrooms? Ew.

If you've lost all sensory input from your taste buds, as can happen when on frightening amount of amphetamines, this is the perfect lifestyle for you. You can be like a super svelte panda bear and nosh on stalks of celery or fistfuls of curly kale all day. You'll lose heaps of weight and will have a spotless digestive tract, I'm sure. Just be proactive about taking, like, 15 Beano with each meal. Gas isn't cute, even if it's being caused by adorable produce like grape tomatoes and baby carrots.

Some people will get all technical and allow themselves to have sashimi, but staunch raw foodists will shake their heads at this practice. I don't see what's wrong with it, especially since sushi is, like, so yum. Anyway, soaked nuts and sprouted seeds are allowed, but make sure to watch how much you eat. They're still packed with calories and, this, aren't totally conducive to rapid fat obliteration.

People on the raw food diet love to chirp about mental clarity and feelings of euphoria, but I think that they're just really happy because they can slip into Gareth Pugh leather leggings without putting up a struggle. I highly doubt that weeping into bowls of raw radicchio and consuming bland vegetables dressed in the salt of my tears would make me feel vibrant and more alive. I mean, I would be completely ecstatic about sticking to a strict diet of copper pennies and shards of glass if it, too, left me with a 3-inch thigh cap. But to each her own, I suppose.

It's also well known that a lot of working models are technically raw foodies since they basically just consume cauliflower smoothies and piles of wilted spinach. No wonder they always look so sad. But have you seen their hip bones? Um, yea.

So I totally just ordered a raw organic vegan Kale Dulse Salad and a cold-pressed coffee from Seamless. They better fucking hurry before all the nutrients break down. Ooh, do you think calories can break down over time too? Let's hope so. Enzymes, here I come!

The One Food Diet

Basically, anyone who lacks even a smidgen of self-control should consider this dietary tactic. It allows no leeway for excuses or exceptions so long as you follow just one simple rule: consume only one type of food.

When you define vague dietary rules, such as allowing low-carb or liquid items, you'll find that the hungry fatass within will convince herself that certain foods fit the guidelines. I mean, butterscotch pot de creme is technically liquid, right? And an entire stick of butter covered in guacamole is totes low-carb. Inhaling, like, three bowls of blood orange sorbet doesn't constitute cheating on a raw food diet, either...

Stop. Just stop. You obvi have issues with following rules, oh voracious one. Technicalities are just fancy excuses for the dietarily inept, and one shouldn't be allowed to make risky, body composition-altering decisions when starving and delirious. So do as the OCD-inflicted waifs do and pick one food with which to thoroughly familiarize yourself to the point of disgust for the next two weeks.

You won't have to waste time obsessing over meal planning or calculating nutritional contents. It's basically like putting your diet on auto-pilot ass you graze on your one allowed food in a fat-shedding haze. Honestly, yo can pick whatever you want, since you'll likely get sick of it as time goes on. Like, did you know that Uma Thurman once went on an ice cream diet? She lost 25 pounds over a six-week period. On ice cream. ON ICE CREAM.

Now, I don't suggest that you pick the congealed, sweetened mucus of dairy cows as your food of choice, as that' s just, like, not really a good starting point. Pick something like tomatoes, or green apples, or avocados, Bananas and grapes work also, but do keep in mind that they are quite high in sugar. My personal choices are either eggs or grapefruit with Splenda. Whatever you choose, make sure to stick with it. That's all there is to it.

Some proponents believe that partaking in the consumption of only one type of food allows your body to become more efficient at digesting and metabolizing it, but I'm not sure. I mean, I guess it makes sense. But who really gives a fuck about all of that health-boosting mumbo jumbo? The real reason that this diet is so attractive and effective is because it helps to teach you a lesson in discipline and restraint. By sticking to this diet for just a short while, you'll see that you're more than capable of controlling yourself when it comes to impulsive food-related decisions.

It's like dietary therapy, but without having to visit an overpriced psychiatrist who just nods along and asks you obvious questions about how you feel about that time you ate a lobster roll. Um, I feel like shit, okay? You didn't need to remind me. That's why I'm allowing myself zucchini slices for the next month, duh.

The Two Cup Diet

Did you know that your stomach is only the size of your fist? So why are you stuffing it until you can't breathe? Um, I don't care if you're a firm believer in Volumetrics- that method only works if you're feasting on organic iceberg lettuce and sparkling water.

Now, getting a bariatric surgery done costs roughly $30,000. Trust me, I went to go get an estimate. The doctor was actually really rude and scoffed at me during the consultation, which I really took offense to. He was all, "Um, you know that this is for, like, clinically obese people, right?" So I was like, "Er, yea. It's called preventative medicine, natch." And then he, like, totally rolled his eyes at me and said in a condescending tone, "You obvi don't qualify for the procedure, especially since your BMI totes falls into the underweight category. Sorrz." I'm not an expert in medical law or anything, but I think that's called discrimination. Horrible bedside manner, not to mention illegal, no? I really need to call my dad's attorney about this.

Anyway, my friend, Melissa, found a totally cheap alternative to getting your stomach stapled until it's the size of a walnut. She learned it from a group of 14 year old Latvian models that she shared a room with during Milan Fashion Week. You basically take two tiny Dixie cups and fill them with whatever food you might please, though preferably of the low-calorie, low-carb and low-fat variety. Then you can enjoy your mini feast without worrying about portion control. It takes the stomach roughly four hours to empty, so you can set an alarm on your iPhone for four hour intervals to remind you of when you're allowed to have another two cups. Um, genius, right? And who said that teenaged models needed to stay in school to have good heads on their shoulders?

Don't abuse this system by using the red plastic cups of beer pong infamy, though. You're not an obese retired frat boy living it up in Murray Hill. By Dixie cups, I'm referring to the uber cutesy 3 oz. waxed paper ones that are meant for gargling in the bathroom. If you want to take it to the next level, you can also use tiny utensils, like oyster forks, to slow down your consumption and increase satiety. There w as this one girl that I interned with who carried around a tiny Tiffany & Co. silver baby spoon with her everywhere. Totally crazy, yet totally chic. Did I mention that she weighed, like, 85 pounds?

So who cares if you look like an unhinged betch for scarfing down tiny bites of wild mushroom fricassee from a mouthwash-delivery vessel using a toddler's fork? You'll be laughing all the way past the antiseptic-scented waiting room of a really rude weight loss surgeon's shabbily decorated Upper East Side clinic while your critics slowly begin to qualify for Lap-band installation. Um, who said that preventative medicine had to cost a year's worth of college tu8ition? People with no self-control, obvi.

The HCG Diet

Only a batshit cray person would willingly stab herself repeatedly while wincing and bellowing in pain, right? Um, yes, but that mentally unstable waif wielding the 25 gauge needle sure is tiny. Enter the HCG Diet, a regimen in which one is required to inject oneself with a variety of vitamins and hormones while subsisting on a maximum of 500 calories per day. HCG, or Human Chorionic Gonadotrophin, is basically a hormone produced by pregnant women soo after conception for... I don't know. The guy who came up with the idea to implement it in a weight loss regimen said that it suppresses your appetite and helps with fat loss, or whatever. Anyway its use as a weight loss agent is, like, really frowned upon by the FDA, which everyone knows must mean that it totally works. Like, remember ephedra? And phentermine? Uh, yea.

It's really easy. You basically follow an ultra low-calorie, low-carbohydrate, low fat, high-protein diet (uh, don't we regardless?) and give yourself daily injections of Vitamin B-12 and HCG in your hips and thighs, respectively. A physician or medical professional has to hand then over, so expect to pay a pretty penny (or 60 thousand) for a three-week program. If you're feeling super ambitious, you can also drag the whole thing our for six weeks!

Everyone will be like, "Er, of course you're losing weight. You're only eating 500 calories each day!" Ohmigod, really? Thanks for the news flash. I totally didn't know that. Um, of course anyone will lose weight on a 500-calorie diet, you observant twats. But who (other than an anorexic ballerina) actually has the discipline to stick to those numbers? Uh, a really chic girl who just blew one week's pay on dietary heroin, that's who.

So even if HCG isn't actually clinically proven to assist with fat loss or appetite suppression, who really cares? Even if you had spent hundreds of dollars on sterile syringes filled with Flinstones vitamins diluted in Diet Sprite, you would still have an obligation to stick to the accompanying regimen. I';s called financial responsibility, people!

But, oh Chic One, how come we can't just use the homeopathic drops that they sell on Amazon? I don't want to hurt myself, you say. I really don't like needles, you cry out. Um, in case you haven't been paying attention, there's a concept called "No Pain, A Lotta Gain." And it's just, like, totes legit? I mean, just because you rub to botulism toxin all over your skin doesn't mean that you're going to do skit about your crow's feet or laugh lines. You're just going to have a really dirty face. But inject some Botox all up in those crevices? Um, hello Bruce Jenner!

Besides, didn't you know that "homeopathic" is just Latin for "faker than a Canal Street Kurakami Multicolore Monogram Speedy 25?" Ew.

The Cabbage Soup Diet

"I lost, like, 10 pounds in 3 days," the chic girl will announce with widened eyes to all of her entranced comrades. "I didn't even know that I had that much to lose!"

Going on the cabbage soup diet is akin to complaining about having to fly home for the holidays or binge drinking over Memorial Day Weekend- it's just ingrained in American culture. Eating disordered betches of yore have passed this timeless diet on from generation to generation and, as unglamorous as it may be, it still prevails as a magic bullet of sorts to this day. So when you need to get skinny stat, show a little patriotic spirit and boil up a giant vat of cabbage and under-seasoned water. Your tummy won't thank you, but your thigh gap sure will.

You can binge if you'd like, but I'm sure you won't want to. The soup isn't particularly enthralling to the taste buds, but the parboiled vegetables will help to satisfy the vacuous pit that is your empty stomach. And, even if you stuff yourself senseless with the tasteless broth, you'll still probably only consume a couple of hundred calories a day. Just don't try to stand up too quickly, or you might just faint from chic overload!

Some variations of the diet allow other foods, such as bananas and meat, but you really shouldn't stray from tradition. Like, what would your ancestors say? They would likely shake their pin curls in disappointment.

The basic recipe calls for cabbage (duh), celery, mushrooms, tomatoes, peppers, onions, carrots, pre-made bullion cubes and your seasonings of choice. Sounds super yum, right? Um, this is when you're supposed to nod and be like, "Ohmigod, delish."

Anyway, I wouldn't bother adding onions or carrots since they're uber starchy. I just don't want you to get kicked out of ketosis, you know? Come to think of it, throw those tomatoes out too. That bouillon just seems totes unnecessary also. Okay, so our soup will basically consist of mineral water and cabbage, I suppose. But now we're, like, totally doing the One Food Diet, too. And Paleo! And, like, this is uber vegan-friendly. Gawd, talk about multi-tasking.

The "I can't see it!" Diet

If you're a fixture on the fashion industry's party circuit, you are well aware of the au courant set's penchant for microscopic portions of distinguishingly decadent food, I mean, what exactly is the purpose of serving miniature cupcakes? Is this a test? Like, what's with the tiny sandwiches and cheeseburgers? Is the bread just there to keep your fingers clean? And someone please explain to me the obsession with canapes and fried puffs. All I see are fat and carbs sharing real estate on a tray smothered in grease and shame. It's actually really confusing yet insulting yet intriguing yet tempting yet cute yet revolting, all at the same time.

Am I supposed to eat it? I think I am. I mean, these kind caterers have already done all of the hard work and cut everything into tiny, guilt-free smidgens. And how terrible could everything be when the portion sizes are so adorable? That grilled truffle oil-infused gruyere sandwich can't be so bad for me, right? It's only, like, half the size of my Amex card. And that microscopic scone? It's the size of a quarter! Having one doesn't make me irresponsible.

Wait a minute. Ohmigod, are people watching? Do I look poor and desperate? How come no one else is eating? Should I not be eating either? I think I just saw that blogger pop a tiny piece of fried macaroni and cheese into his mouth. Or did he? I repeat, is this a test?

There is a reason that all of the offering at such glamorous parties are bite-sized enigmas of congealed cheese and bacon grease. They're your cheat treats! Enjoying a few tiny morsels of forbidden food is totes acceptable, so long as you don't carry around a plate laden with them. As a reward for all of the other 364 days a year that you deny yourself of such scrumptious evils, you are allowed this one window of glorious opportunity to indulge in two or, daresay, three pieces of wanton abandon.

Oh, but the fashion crowd is a clever one. While each itty-bitty hors d'ouevre might seem relatively innocuous, it is still a miniature recreation of something that you would never be caught dead eating in front of Anna Wintour. Thus, you must wolf it down as surreptitiously as possible while still keeping your composure. And in that is where the genius lies.

After committing such a deplorable act as inhaling a mini brownie in three seconds flat while crouched down behind a crowd of fashion photographers, you are overcome with remorse and shame. What has come of you? Have you no self-control? It wasn't even worth it! That's it- no more food for the rest of the night! Then you will ration out a mini green juice for the rest of the evening in hopes that it will at least help to dilute your transgressions.

Do you see what just happened? You got your junk food fix, yet your calorie count for the day will be kept low by the guilt that overwhelms you. If you're lucky, the remorse will spill over into the next day. Maybe even the rest pf the week! D you know what just happened? It's called psychology.

The I'm-fucking-rich-and-glamourous Diet

For the impossibly chic girl, it's raining oysters, sashimi and tartare every night, with a guarantee of accompanying champagne showers. She loves to order seafood towers for the table and is obsessed with rhubarb mignonette. "I'm basically on a raw food diet, as you know," she will explain to her friends as she persuades them into doing a $300 caviar tasting. "Just a really fancy one."

Or is black & blue filet mignon considered raw? Whatever. The chic girl loves her steak, especially if it's of the Kobe Wagyu variety. She'll do lobster or butterfish or even sea bream, but forgoes salmon because it's "so 2011." "I only do lox when I have Eggs Norwegian at Balthazar," she will say with a sniff as she pursues limited menus with disdain. "And I'm talking about Paris Balthazar, not the one on Spring."

She is like a culinary hipster in the sense that she basically shuns anything that wouldn't be available to the general public at Food Emporium. Um, farro risotto? With fucking kale? You better back away slowly before she scratches your face in frustration. How dare you offer her that. She doesn't do proletarian foods; didn't you know?

Basically, she will turn up her perfectly rhinoplasty job at the foods of mere mortals, rolling her eyes if someone suggests going out for pizza and snarling in disgust at the mention of gourmet burgers. "I tried a cheeseburger for the first time whilst on holiday in London last year," she will say as she lets out a harrowing sigh. "It was the worst experience of my entire life."

"Cava is not champagne!" she will vehemently cry out, snatching the menu away from the basic bitch who had the audacity to suggest it in her presence. "And oysters from New Jersey? Get the fuck out of my face."

This emaciated diva loves herself a good tasting menu, even if it consists of, like, 18 courses. But haven't you noticed how all of the nicer restaurants, like Per Se and Daniel, are basically just never-ending parades of microscopic low-carb morsels? Obvi the people in the kitchen get the picture! And as for dessert, this lavish betch never partakes- she's just so full, you know?

So be it foie grais brulee, organic rabbit rillettes or diver scallop carpaccio, this extravagant girl knows how to execute the zero-carb diet in style. And while other chic ladies around town may have to sacrifice pricey food in favour of fashion, this is never an issue for this rich bitch (or, perhaps, her sugar daddy). For the girl on the FRaG Diet, compromise is never an option.

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