#or you can give me artists you like and ill try to recommend more artists/songs that fit their vibes? | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

tactidoll · 7 months ago

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Dollypop, got any rap recs?

so ive been planning on doing a series of playlists as a kinda introduction to rap, especially so after the dot vs drake beef has put rap back in the spotlight and made more people than ever actually aware of the lyrical content of these songs, its mostly been an issue of executive function beating my ass 5 ways to sunday lately, but suffice to say rap recommendations has been on my mind a lot lately

i could probably go on for a few hrs about hip hop and its place as the culmination of all music prior, but rap is a genre that more so than others rewards album listening so i will more often than not recommend albums over singles/tracks but ill try my best to isolate what i consider to be a well rounded list (no links cus i dont use spotify lmao)

theres a lotta ways to split up rap and hip hop as a whole into a thousand micro genres, especially when you take regions into consideration but i think im gonna go with just 15 tracks that cover as many bases as i can and give a little explanation for each track starting with

NY State of Mind - Nas: ny state of mind is THE classic in my books, dj premier provides the perfect boom bap beat for nas to make the final push to usher in a new generation of rap, literally sampling eric b and rakim in the chorus, the previous pair to bring the genre from the 80’s into the 90’s, furthering that push with more complex rhyme schemes and blending the street/gangsta rap of nwa and wu-tang with the jazzy introspection and philosophy of de la and tribe, a perfect set piece for the album of a desperate kid rapping and telling his stories like its his last day on earth because it just might be

Doomsday – MF DOOM: the manifesto of a super villain, a rulebook on rap, a re-emergence of a forgotten rapper, after the death of his brother and issues with the record label dropping KMD Zev Love X disappeared in ‘94 and then in ‘99 MF DOOM dropped operation: doomsday, the dizzying rhyme schemes and word play, the casual humor and pop culture and sampling referencing lends to a true statement of a song, that DOOM was here and was gonna change the world

4th Chamber – GZA: a dozen wu-tang tracks could’ve appeared on this list and all would be justified but 4th chamber is my favourite by far, starting with the now iconic samurai or kung fu film sample and then kicking into a crazy intro beat that calms slightly in time for ghostface killah to come in and pick it right back up with the first verse of this slick posse cut

Mathematics – Mos Def: Yasiin Bey Is a genius plain and simple, another track produced by preemo another masterpiece of a beat, Bey raps about the sociological statistics that work to keep the black population down in this mathematically driven guide through the politics of the late 90’s

You Got Me – The Roots: this track really shows just how good live instrumentation can be, black thought is one of the greatest of all time, simple as frankly I don’t have too much more to say its just a brilliant song

Wesley’s Theory – Kendrick Lamar: the opening to the greatest album of all time, opening with the mission statement of the album, the sample at the start before the james brown esque hit me pulls the tone back down to earth, part one of the track being a young kdots reactions to the money hes been looking for and part two kendrick plays the role of uncle sam the mascot of white supremacy looking to exploit over eager black artists and talents and lump them with a bill and lock them up when they cant pay it, the deep seeped politics, the groove of thundercat and george clinton of the parliments and funkadelic collectives and the dr dre break really helps sets the tone of the album

Jazz (We’ve Got) – A Tribe called Quest: the perfect jazz rap song, the beat was original made by pete rock before being remade by q-tip, a quintessential classic of the genre simple as

Shook Ones pt 2 – Mobb Deep: the greatest gangsta rap song of all time and frankly its not close its something spectacular, the hardest two 19 year olds ever sounded, over a dark almost evil beat produced by havoc this track is an absolute landmark for not just queensbridge but the entirety of the east coast

Introvert – Little Simz: this track is nothing short of spectacular, a powerful, cinematic, orchestral masterpiece, deep diving into her inner turmoil and her roots, the corruption of the british government, this song shook me to my core when I first listened to simbi, a rallying cry that calls for a war against the oppressing forces further tightening the chains if we ever are to be freed from the oppression

Don’t Cry – J Dilla: this song is gorgeous, chopping up I cant stand (to see you cry) by the escorts into a wonderful beat, made by jay dee in the final throws of his life, half worked on while hospital bound, frequent collaborator and fellow soulquarian questlove stated that this was a message to his mother as J dilla knew the end was near

Nuthin’ But A G Thang – Dr Dre ft Snoop Dogg: the quintessential G-funk banger the genre doesn’t get better than this

SORRY NOT SORRY – Tyler, The Creator: a weird choice for this list, I wasnt sure if I wanted to include it because its so tied to tylers discography but its honestly one of the best rap songs ever when you have the context, especially when you take into account the music video where tyler and all the various versions of himself stand before an audience of ex’s and other notable judgemental presences in his life, as he kills almost every version of himself barring the ‘ugliest’ sides of himself in igor and goblin era tyler potentially insinuating those parts of him still reside inside him

I Used to Love H.E.R – Common: this song is so very important, maybe the best use of metaphor in the whole genre, a fallen out of love story for that very same genre, fantastic storytelling and a great beat by no I.D. one of the most important producers and figures in hip hop out of chicago

Aquemini – Outkast: the title track from one the duos third album and really the record that put the dirty south on the radar on a nationwide level, a sign of their decision to stick together for as long as possible, andres verses really shows hes one of the all time greats and that big boi is not far behind at all

Hazard Duty Pay – JPEGMAFIA: this song was all I listened to for a few weeks after it release, an aggressive single verse track over a soulful beat what more could you want

#sorry i rly wanted to do a bit of write up on the songs #some i had a lot more to say than others but thats because those tracks speak for themselves #as always if you like any of these songs lemme know and i can point you in the direction

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okkalo · 7 months ago

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hi!! congrats on 1k! ive been following you for a while on my main and i saw your event here on my writing acc:3 could i get a genshin matchup? heres my info!!

basics: hi my name’s aki!! im transmasc, have been since i was like, 11.im also gay. i listen to vkei, punk and silly rock bands(ex. weezer). i love dogs and seals like sm i cant explain. my clothing style is kinda like..idk how to explain.

personality: intp-t gemini and PROUD💪💪 im very silly online but kinda introverted f2f. i take shelter in my online self a lot. i have ocd and am a BIG perfectionist and overachiever. required amount of sentences is 15? watch me do 30+. you want “just a few” artist recommendations? here have 10 with descriptions and song recs. i live off academic praise. i can switch to “straight A kid” to burnt out emo on tumblr. im def a quality time, phys touch and gifts kiddo. i crochet so like 70% of the gifts i give out are silly keychains. i tend to bottle up my feelings and sometimes just burst out like crazy. i used to do muay thai to help w that but my coach disappeared(literally)

appearance: im around 5’10, proud filipino but so many people say i look japanese☹️. i have light brown skin and eyebags. im kinda skinny but i play basketball and workout so im kinda like,, idk..i got arm muscles, just a lump though. i have black hair, like in the appearance above. i usually wear vkei makeup, not too much though sometimes it makes me look fem. i have fairly long eyelashes(i hate them). i dont have piercings, sadly, but i swear ill get some soon(its been 6 years since i first said “im gonna get piercings”) i also have those bayonetta glasses.

music and interests: i listen to artists like the gazette, dir en grey, kamijo, mejibray nd more!! i also listen to bands like smashing pumpkins, le tigre, foo fighters, deftones, mcr, radiohead, alice in chains, misfits and weezer(so weezy) i had a BIG grunge phase. i love rainy sundays!! i am literally the biggest halloween fanatic ever. once me and my old lover pulled up in a matching viktor and corpse bride costume i loved it. as mentioned earlier i play basketball and crochet, i also play the guitar!

clothing style: very vkei vampirey stuff..kinda punk too but idk. i live in the philipines so layering is like throwing myself in a desert. some people call me a goth and i js stare at them like “nuh uh”. i wear a lot of accessories nd stuff. bat hairpins<33

thanks!! sorry if this was a pain to read,, :<

hi aki! thanks for following me even through my hiatuses 🫶 and no worries ur matchup was fun to read!! u did have me very confused who would be a good matchup for u, however, so i hope u like who u got 🫶🫶 thank you for the request

ps. i have also been wanting more peircings on my ears (maybe a nose one too) but also haven’t gotten any so u are not alone

𝗶 𝗻𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵𝘁 𝗮 𝗰𝘂𝘁𝗶𝗲 𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳 𝘄𝗼𝘂𝗹𝗱 𝗯𝗲 𝗮 𝗳𝗮𝗻 𝗼𝗳 𝗺𝗶𝗻𝗲 ₊˙♡﹗

𝗸𝗮𝗹𝗼 𝗺𝗮𝘁𝗰𝗵𝗲𝘀 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 : tighnari from genshin

tighnari is an overachiever just like you! though, he knows when to draw the line so that he doesn’t get too exhausted. he would definitely try to draw a line for you, as well! that, and he knows how to give praise when it’s needed! he’ll always try to make sure you know how well you’re doing while also trying to keep you safe from a burnout!

he once considered handing out your crochet keychains to fellow forest rangers. he thought it would be an additional nifty way to scout out fellow forest rangers. though, whether he went through with it all decided on how you responded!

whenever someone misidentifies you as japanese or any other race you will always see tighnari’s ears twitching from annoyance. he’ll oftentimes be able to hold himself back from correcting the person right away, though not all the time. when it comes to your style, however, he’ll always go on a tangent about how you are not goth to provide you support as well.

tighnari is also very introverted as well and lives for his alone time, which he still considers to be with you on some occasions. he’ll love to hear your guitar during these times. i also head canon that he would be so interested in learning crochet for himself as well! so, if you would, please teach him!

#wrio keeps crossing my mind for these matchups #and alhaitham #but alhaitham wouldn’t praise much #i should start doing runner ups for these matchups tbh #bc u had me stumped fr #had to take a break and start another matchup while thinking #kalo's 1k event #kalo's matchups 1k event #kalo's 1k event matchups #genshin matchups

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squarebracket-trickster · 1 year ago

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🎶✨️When you get this ask you have to put 5 songs you actually listen to, post it, then send this ask to 10 of your favorite followers (positive vibes are cool)🎶✨️

I uhhh... haven't actually listened to music in a while. How do people find good music? I try using those websites that recommend you stuff based on other stuff you like, but their recommendations are always based on lyrics or "similar artists" and never like, the actual vibe or emotions the song gives off?? Spotify discover just keeps recommending me pop hits I've already heard.

Anyone wanna give me music recs?

I'm looking for songs that:

Aren't about romantic love. Please, for the love of god, I want songs about literally any other human experience. Platonic love is acceptable, so are songs about healing from abusive relationships. No break-up songs or songs that use romantic love as an analogy for something else though. I am sick

Bonus points if the topics are about: being in your 20s, dealing with chronic illness or disability, fuck capitalism, self-love, wanting more from your life, or is just relatable as fuck.

have interesting, creative, or complex lyrics. Like, most of the pop and rock music I am familiar with is so simple that even Taylor Swift's Anti-Hero feels like a breath of fresh air to me. I would settle for Taylor Swift-like stuff at this point. I have been settling for Taylor Swift. Help

Are melody-heavy or have really pretty melodies

Have some classical music influence or come from a genre that does (like heavy metal and Broadway musicals, for example, are both classically influenced)

Bonus points too if the song has a very specific emotional vibe, like it makes you feel warm and fuzzy inside, its comforting to cry to, or its the kind of song you'd sing out loud in the car when you're really happy.

Idk this feels so oddly specific. Please help.

If you need some ideas, some Taylor Swift songs I like are Could've, Would've, Should've, You're On Your Own, Kid, and All Too Well.

Though All Too Well is about a break up, its gets a pass because at least the lyrics are mildly interesting and specific.

Two of my favourite songs are November Rain (Guns N' Roses) and She Used to Be Mine (From Waitress). November Rain is a romance song but I don't really listen to the lyrics. The melody and angst just hits so well. But god I want more songs like She Used to Be Mine.

Can anyone help me, please? I'm soooo desperate.

Oh also, bonus points if the songs are by small artists. I never seem to be able to find stuff that wasn't top 100 at some point in the last 50 years.

#ask answered

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le-souriant · 7 months ago

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#MusicMonday Review - December 2023

#MusicMonday is the hashtag I've been using for quite a while to share music recommendations from up-and-coming artists. Always fresh, and always different, trying to look for trends before they become one. You can check November's review for more music.

This is it. The end of 2023. Twelve months of new music, and new horizons from all over the world. Give it one last listen, with a word from the artists themselves. 🎧

The Height – One to Another

And he sits on his own some days but everyone know the games he plays

Our last trip of the year begins in the City of Salford, England, with a teenage Indie trio expressing what being an outsider, and not fitting in, may sound like:

"I was just listening to a lot of The Charlatans, Supergrass and then I ended up writing this one!"

The New Cut – From the Overpass

Who d'you wanna be tonight? Maybe they'd like the guy with the mask The view looks good tonight I can see my house From the overpass

Better re-run T-Shirt and I can see some so me first I'm a bird I'm all set in two words I'm indebted

We move south to Bristol, still in England, for a Lo Fi Post Punk track about the struggles of making ends meet. You take yours and I'll take mine:

"I think thematically the track represents the complexities of modern life in their simplest forms and how overwhelming that can be.

We were moving to Totterdown at the time and I had a lot of experiences relating to what it’s like being a student in the city. I was living as cheaply as possible and dealing with a lot of physical and mental illness that put me out of work. Orange juice seemed expensive at the time and the idea of spending money at a cafe seemed untouchable in that moment.

The pre chorus for me represents an idolized view of life - usually brought about by social media, usually Americanized in my experience as well.

The overpass is in someways a metaphor for taking the time to step back and see these complexities from a distance. The man made structure of an overpass creates this idea of having to step away from modern humanity whilst using the inescapable foundations of modern life at the same time."

Fede Scaglioni – Luna y estrellas

Sus ojos verdes como el mar Y se reía sin parar Y yo loco por ella

Cada momento sigue ahí Y en cada luna vuelve a mi Y aún la veo brillar

El mismo cielo sigue ahí Llega la brisa de ese Abril Que compartí con ella

From Montevideo, Uruguay, we get a Latin Pop love song where the moon, the stars, and time leave marks on your skin so you'll never forget:

"The inspiration came along one night I was let new ideas flow and out of the sudden I came across with the returning to stages of Tan Bionica. That notice sparked my inspiration and I found myself merging with the spirit to write a romantic and nostalgic song.

Chano and Tan Bionica’s music has been always around and in some way that energy influenced me to come up with this pop/rock song. Many people told me that it has Beatles and Oasis influences, and to be honest, who is not touched by those great bands that live inside us?"

Virgin Mary Disco – For Free

They tell you to talk, but nobody listens They want your thoughts, but not your condition You work so hard it’s only your nature Breaking your back, they gonna make sure

Sell all your time, and sleep through the weekend He’s making his dime while your body weakens When you work for him business is pleasure Family’s first, and labor is leisure

We fly now to Melbourne, Australia for a little bit of Garage Rock about progress in the modern world. Keep your head down, ain't nothing for free:

"The song is about the experience of employment in the modern workplace and capitalism. The lyrics for For Free came from my own mishearing of the song Making Flippy Floppy by Talking Heads. When Byrne sings ‘Business and pleasure, lie right to your face’, I always heard ‘Business IS pleasure’, a contradiction I could identify with, and the lyrics grew from there.

Many companies today present themselves as supportive, community environments (some may even be genuine in their pursuit), but at the end of the day they continue to thrive on a system based on the extraction of cheap resources and cheap labour, leaving us to pay the true cost of their greed."

Oh Romance – Kiss & Tell

Think you’ve got problems well look at mine You’re always runnin’ circles at the back of my mind Do what it takes to get close to you Do what it takes, I’ll give in to you

Never thought we’d make it anyway I was never one for makin’ mistakes Never thought we’d make it anyway I was never one to

Kiss and Tell

Our last stop of the year will be Glasgow, Scotland for an Alt Rock track about not telling details of private matters, don't you agree?

"The hook was created at a practice session, and it just stuck! The actual meaning of the song is always up for interpretation. Music is an art, and just like any piece of art, I like to hear what people take away from it, what they think the song is about or what it means to them.

Kiss & Tell could be about lost love, it could be about a past relationship gone sour. It is whatever the listener wants it to be, I think!"

#MusicMonday 2023

That's a wrap! We say goodbye to 2023 with this year's compilation. 101 titles from original artists covering all types of genres, representing the multiple trends independent artists are proud to establish. Have a listen:

Preview 2024 and much more on the complete Playlist:

#music #musicmonday #review #december #2023 #Spotify

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cloudberry-ado · 4 months ago

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Right I do this everytime I make a long af post so please as a dire warning if you feel your eyeslids droop and your head hit the back of your chair out of boredom- then excuse me that is my fault there so please think twice before you torture yourself reading this post because I yap until the cows come home (or you might get permanent brain damage probably)

Well to be fair, I don't know a lot of Roxers irl or on the internet so I talk to my mom about Roxette every day lol (funny how she was a fan right from the 80s but i know more songs and stuff in general about marie and per than she does JSJSJ) It IS very hard to find roxette fans which i honestly do not understand why sometimes because roxette is probably the best bands out there for me- no scrap that THE BEST BAND EVER and theyre so criminally underrated and oh my word SO DYNAMIC- (Marie really took my breath away when I saw her especially live) this is just my opinion tho mainly because i am shocked they arent as thought about as other artists are because honestly? Nobody I know can hype me up, headbang for hours and make me go "A banger as always" everytime I hear them and pers songs in general (Här kommer alla känslorna (på en och samma gång) I absolutely loved this one i don't know why it sounds so wholesome and cute despite it being a sad song). Never ever can get sick of Roxette Ive been listening to them every day for years straight and everytime it feels like I'm listening to them for the first time AAA- Now I'll try my best stop rambling now because I will bore you (don't bore us get to the chorus- or the point I should say) sorry sorry I'm just someone who is so much in love with roxette that the fact I can talk like this to someone who knows them properly ah man I always wished that honestly but never got the chance to- ANYWAY ILL STOP NOW AHAJSHJSJS I CANT SHUT UP SOMETIMES

AHEM- Now about GT ehehe (I was actually hoping you'd reblog and give me some recommendations or some juicy info since I actually need to look more into Gyllene Tider (jeez call myself a Per Gessle fangirl when I haven't even listened to GT properly be ashamed of yourself cloudberry)) BUT EEE YOU ACTUALLY DID THANK YOUU- HAH WELL JOKES ON YOU I AM INTO THIS VERY MUCH SO LOLS I feel very privileged recieving GT stuff from you so HEH- INTO IT HERE I GO

Yes I think when I researched about GT on yt it came up before roxette was formed (before 1986 obviously) and I listened to some songs for a while since for some reason young per made me wish I was born during that time period LOL honestly I was incredibly impressed because even back then Per was amazing and he still sounds the same until now! His voice honestly ages like wine lol and he's an incredible singer songwriter and guitarist even way back before roxette- I do know that they have reunited from time and time again (I'm not so sure if this is true but perhaps because of Roxette being slightly inactive for a few years because of maries cancer) and I have heard a bit! Not much but just a little bit and I think they sound really good though I'll have to give them more of a listen XD (and oh come on, per has SO MANY PEOPLE when it comes to people crushing on him, 1970s-now (including me jeez) which i do not judge at all since i can definitely see why JSJJS though my personal favourite look of him was when he did Pearls Of Passion especially in Neverending Love (he looked amazing in that black outfit). So anyways yes! I will definitely check them out and all the suggestions you have given me here and well me personally I actually tend to dig deeper initially when it comes to music so I'll give a good bunch of their songs a listen XD

OKAY OKAY- I HAVEN'T WATCHED THESE YET BUT I HAVE SAVED IT TO MY PLAYLIST SO I DEFINITELY WILL GIVE THEM A WATCH AND LISTEN OFC- But THANK YOU and on regards of how big GT was in Sweden I have heard they were quite successful! It said under one of Marie's biography that her band Strul wasn't as successful as Gyllene Tider (im not sure if this part is true however) so she left and joined gyllene tider for backing vocals yeah? BUT ACK- GOING OFF TOPIC AGAIN YES THANK YOU I WILL LISTEN TO ALL OF THESE AND I WILL UPDATE YOU WHEN I WILL JSJSJJS

But hey no! I love long posts and messages especially anything related to Per! I CANNOT say anything obviously I mean look at the state of this post I've rambled so much I'm sure you're yawning openly while reading this 😭 sorry about that haha but ay I feel you, ive already have a good liking to GT from my own experience so im sure I'll enjoy them as much as I do with roxette! But hey no thats okay either because I don't answer very well either sometimes (enjoying summer rn but school will hit me like a truck lol) and tbh Tumblr hates giving me notifs so sorry if I miss anything! But thank youu I'm so happy I found a roxette fan as well as a GT fan!

Thank you so much again for taking your time out for me like this!

Hi, first of all thanks for all your likes, reblogs and comments! Always feels nice to find another Roxer out there :3

I noticed you're kinda Per's fan, so let me ask just in case: have you listened to Gyllene Tider, his Swedish band? 👀

Hey!! Jsjsj i didn't think you'd actually say something to me lols but awk no problemo it's just, god I love Per so much ive been a huge fan of him since i was...9? First time I heard him was when my mom gave me Roxette! Look Sharp! album and I instantly fell in love with it (along with Per!) but yep I'm a BIG roxette fan and I cannot live without them (I actually cried for months straight when Marie died she was the whole reason why I started singing and making music).

But yes! I know Gyllene Tider, I know Per formed the band and worked in it before he formed roxette with Marie right? I don't know much songs since I'm still focusing on collecting Roxettes albums (Pearls Of Passion, Look Sharp!, Joyride, Tourism, Crash! Boom! Bang!, Dont Bore Us! Get To The Chorus (Roxettes Greatest Hits), Have A Nice Day, Room Service and Charm School. I lost my album cover for Look Sharp and I'm depressed now 😭) but damn I'm rambling now (sorry nobody else knows roxette except me and my mom so knowing you do it makes me so excited because I'm actually obsessed with roxette atp smh) but as I said yep! I did hear a bit of Gyllene Tider and I've watched Per perform with them in the early 80s though I don't actually know much of their songs. I WILL listen to them however since if it's related to Mr Gessle then hell yes this is my music JSJJS I have listened to Marie's band before she came to roxette however (Strul) and I quite liked Ensamt XD other than that please keep talking to me since roxette means the world to me and i never shut up about Per to my mom (she regrets introducing me to roxette now LOLS)

(I'm so happy you dropped and gave me an ask so imma just dance away now

OH-OH-OH)

#Gyllene Tider #asks #per gessle #roxette #randomlyckopiler #I WILL GLADLY WATCH ALL OF THESE IN MY FREE TIME ASAP TYSM AGAIN 🌸✨

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imagine-loki · 3 years ago

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What About Trust, Chapter 4

TITLE: What About Trust CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: Chapter 4 AUTHOR: fanficshiddles ORIGINAL IMAGINE: Imagine Loki owns a bookshop on Midgard. He had to do something there to try and avoid getting any attention. But he’s not fond of having customers, is rather grumpy and guarded. But then he meets a bright, bubbly and trusting young woman who doesn’t recognise him. To his dismay, he finds himself becoming rather fond of the mortal. RATING: M

Loki stopped outside the record shop and raised an eyebrow as he looked at the window display. It was nicely presented, showing a variety of records. From jazz right through to rock, with everything from pop and country in-between. Old and new.

When he quietly stepped inside, he was impressed. It was larger than it looked from the outside.

There was some kind of upbeat country type music playing, and his eyes were instantly drawn to the far-left side. Where he spotted a familiar mortal. She was re-stocking some of the record displays while dancing and singing along to the song that was playing.

Smiling widely to himself, he crept closer to her, hands behind his back as he enjoyed the little show. He couldn’t stop himself from looking at her ass as she danced around enthusiastically while singing her heart out, letting the music flow through her. She had no idea that she had an audience.

Loki leaned against one of the stands, watching with great amusement for a while. When the song ended, he couldn’t resist and started clapping. ‘Well, that was quite the show.’

‘FUUUUCK!’ Cleo jumped out of her skin and almost hit the roof as she spun around. The fear was gone within a second when she saw who it was and was replaced with embarrassment. Her face turned bright red and she just gawped at him for a moment.

‘Luke! You really need to stop sneaking up on people!’ She playfully hit his chest, amusing him further.

‘Not my fault that your shop isn’t as fancy as mine and doesn’t have a bell above the door.’ He grinned wickedly.

She cursed again under her breath and pinched the bridge of her nose. Her heart was only just starting to calm down after getting such a fright.

‘I guess it could’ve been worse, you might’ve been someone important, after all.’ She stuck her tongue out at him, making him chuckle.

‘Such a childish gesture…’ He scolded. ‘I’ll stick your hand in water when you’re sleeping if you do it again.’

Cleo laughed and shook her head. ‘I guess you’ve come in by for your record player?’ She headed towards the counter.

Loki nodded and followed her. ‘I have indeed. And to annoy you at your place of work for a change.’ His eyes were twinkling rather mischievously, something that Cleo rather liked to see. It suited him, weirdly.

Rolling her eyes but smiling, she disappeared momentarily through the back. Loki chuckled to himself and looked around the shop again, it was well kept and tidy. Just like his book shop was.

‘Do you run the place alone, for your friend?’ He called through to her, he could hear boxes shuffling around in the back.

‘Pretty much. I work full time and we are closed Sundays and Mondays. We do have someone part time that fills in when I’m on holiday, ill or if we have busy periods during any events that’s on in the city. She’s on call, so to speak. Often does a few hours here and there each week to give me some extra time. But usually, it’s manageable on my own. My friend that owns it owns a few businesses, so is happy to leave me to it so she can concentrate on her others.’ She called back through.

When she emerged, she had a large box in her hand. Loki rushed over to help her with it, taking it from her. He narrowed his eyes at her when he saw what was written on the top.

The book shop’s owner that looks like a wizard’s record player.

‘You could have just used my name.’ He drawled.

She shrugged with a grin. ‘Where’s the fun in that?’

It was Loki’s turn to roll his eyes at her. He placed the box down on the counter then had a nosey at the records, flicking through them.

‘What records do you recommend I play first on my new player?’ He enquired.

Cleo’s face lit up at being asked that question. This was her time to shine!

She rushed over to him and grabbed his arm, dragging him to another stand and looking for something specific.

‘Well, I think you’d like this. It has incredible lyrics, and music too, of course. It’s slightly pop but leaning more towards synth pop. But trust me, give it a try.’ She handed him a record, he barely had time to look at it properly before she was handing him another one. ‘Oh, and there’s this one. No lyrics, the melodies are quite something. I thought of you when I came across it yesterday.’ She smiled.

He quirked an eyebrow at her and nodded. ‘Thank you. I will let you know my review after listening to them… What was the name of the artist you were listening to when I walked in?’

‘That was Mumford & Sons… did you like the song?’ She was a little surprised, not thinking he would’ve been into that kind of music.

‘I did.’ He nodded.

‘Well, the song is called I Will Wait. I think we have the single, if you’d like? Or we should have their full albums somewhere.’ She pondered, finger on her lips as she looked around the shop for where it would be.

‘The single would be great.’ Loki smiled.

Cleo soon fished out the record for him, he was impressed that she seemed to know where everything was. But then, he knew she was passionate about music, so it was no surprise really. Like he knew every single book in his shop, where you would find each one, too.

‘So did you just close up your shop in the middle of the day to come here, or do you have staff?’ Cleo asked.

‘I just closed.’ Loki shrugged. ‘I wouldn’t trust anyone else with my shop.’

‘I figured as much.’ Cleo laughed.

‘How much am I due you?’ Loki asked as he went over to the counter and put the records down, then pulled his wallet out of his jeans pocket.

‘Ten thousand pounds.’ Cleo joked, earning an unamused look from Loki. ‘No, it’s on the house.’ She said seriously.

Loki frowned. ‘I am not getting you into trouble for giving out freebies.’

‘You’re not. I’m allowed a free record once a month, I will take them off that. And I will just say one of the record players was slightly damaged on delivery, it happens all the time. So we just give them away.’ She shrugged.

Loki tsked. ‘Naughty. See, this is why I couldn’t trust anyone else, they’d be giving away my books for free.’

‘Well, you gave me freebies. So let’s just say we’re even now. I don’t do this for just anyone, you know. In-fact, not even my own brother gets freebies like this. So I’d take them while you’ve got me on a good day.’

‘You have a brother?’

‘I do. Annoying little shit.’ She sighed.

‘Brothers are annoying indeed.’ Loki agreed, chuckling.

‘You have a brother too?’

Loki nodded. ‘Unfortunately, yes. An older brother.’

‘I feel your pain, my brother is older than me as well.’ Cleo said as she wrapped up the records for Loki. ‘And he lives in the city, so I have to see his ugly mug on the regular.’

‘Ah, that’s where I am a bit luckier. Mine lives in Norway.’

‘Wow, different country. Do you ever miss him?’ Cleo asked.

Loki shrugged. ‘Not really. He visits on occasion, I know I can contact him whenever I want. Which is a rarity. Perhaps once every century, though even that’s too much.

Cleo laughed, thinking he was joking.

‘Well, that’s you all sorted.’ Cleo said as she put the records on top of the record player box.

‘Thank you, Cleo. This is very kind of you… But I absolutely won’t take not paying you.’

‘No, seriously, Luke. It’s all good, please.’ Cleo pleaded.

‘Let me take you out for coffee on Sunday then.’ Loki suddenly blurted out, unable to stop himself before it was too late. But then, he found he didn’t exactly regret asking. ‘Then I can give you my review of the music.’ He added.

Cleo was a little stunned, but nodded eagerly. ‘That would be great.’

Loki nodded once. ‘Excellent… How about we say, eleven? Meet outside my shop?’

‘That sounds perfect.’ Cleo agreed.

‘Till Sunday.’ Loki bowed his head a bit, making her laugh.

‘See you Sunday.’ She beamed happily.

That night, before going to bed, Loki listened to the records he got from Cleo. But he found himself playing I Will Wait on repeat for a while as he lay on the sofa, just staring at the ceiling. While he rather enjoyed the music and the lyrics, he couldn’t stop thinking about Cleo and her dancing along to it so care free, belting the lyrics out too. He felt a fondness within him that he had never felt before.

Without properly realising it, his heart felt like it was bursting just from thinking about her.

#Loki #Lover #Submitted fic #what about trust #chapter 4 #fanficshiddles

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dafukdidiwatch · 4 years ago

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The Ballad of Buster Scruggs (2018)

Not a musical no matter what the first 15 minutes tell you.

This was a pretty interesting movie. It is told as a series of vignettes who’s common theme was that they were all set in the old west. Well that and death. There’s 6 in total and each one of them has a different but interesting vibe to them. There were a lot of quiet silent moments in the movie, hardly any background music to it unless it was a beginning or end of a segment. But it definitely allowed for the scene to just breathe and revel in the moment. It also had some beautifully done cinematography showing the landscape and vastness that is the old west. It’s hard to generalize it because like I said before, each story has it’s own vibe to it that is different from one another.

With that, I’m just going to give my basic feelings of each of the stories shown. So yeah, Spoilers.

The Ballad of Buster Scruggs: Wow this guy. I deadass thought the whole movie was a musical because the first story was this guy singing constantly. And when I looked it up on youtube all that popped up was the songs. My sister put it right with saying he is a violent Bard in a D&D campaign. I was getting the vibe if Mr. Rogers had a dark underbelly of being psychotic. He is smarmy, oddly charismatic, and the more I watched him the more I hope someone killed him. And they did, which made me very happy. The song numbers were fun, and damn the deaths were brutal. But a very good start.

Near Algodones: I call this story “Pan Man” because holy crap the greatest character ever was in this movie. This nutcase banker who, deadass told the bank robber he shot a man’s legs off and kept him in the bank vault for 3 weeks, comes running out covered in pans screaming “PAN SHOT” every time a bullet gets deflected. Truly the highlight of the story, which is sad that he doesn’t really show up for the rest of the story. Which follows a bank robber going from one horrible situation to the next from trying to rob a bank. Which, if the guy was telling a whimsical story of how he kept a man locked legless in a vault, maybe you shouldn’t rob him to begin with. I also found out where the “First Time?” picture set came from. Good to know.

Meal Ticket: This one is probably my least favorite just because it was so sad. This wandering troupe of an old man and the limbless storyteller traveling around trying to make a buck via entertaining stories. It was very quiet, hardly anyone talked outside the stories being told. It made me feel...pity I think. Mostly because I didn’t know if the old man actually cared for the kid as a person, or just used him as a means to an end to make a living. It doesn’t help that the kid never speaks outside of the act, so I don’t know whether that’s an artistic choice or the kid doesn’t really know what he’s saying. Audience interpretation I guess. Then when we get to the chicken, and yeah all doubts are thrown out the window over how the old man saw the kid. It’s sad and tragic. Not every story has to be a happy one, but not a lot of happy endings so far.

All Gold Canyon: This is probably my second favorite. All it is is just a lone man panning for gold in a beautiful valley. The landscape is gorgeous. You see this old man, coughing from illness or old age you don’t know, just meticulously panning and trying to find that vein of gold. Facinating really. This is definitely the most silent out of all the films because it is him by himself, but it really sucks you in just watching if he will be successful or not. And then when the shadow passes over him...well....even though I said spoilers, I don’t want to give too much away.

The Gal Who Got Rattled: This is pretty much a 20 minute romance novel. Sister and brother travels out west, but sister finds herself in dire straits after her brother dies. She turns to the man heading the wagon train for help and they slowly but surely fall in love. Well...I don’t know if it is love exactly. More like, a gentle comfort. Where they can confide in each other for a pleasant life and simple pleasures. I was watching this with my sister and we were both trying to sus out why we felt “off” throughout. Like, if the wagon boy had killed the brother to steal the money, trying to sus out the criminal. Lol we watch way too many crime shows. The end is a tragedy, we can’t all have nice things. Which if we are keeping count there is really only 1 happy end in this movie.

The Mortal Remains: I actually really like this story. It’s just 5 people sitting in a carriage just talking about things. Life. I could listen to the Trapper guy for hours he has very interesting stories. And seeing how they just bounce off of the purity woman, the french guy, and the two polite yet terrifying bounty hunters. It also had this more terrifying feeling as the sun sets and that the carriage driver doesn’t stop. This is probably my favorite.

Overall: This was a very enjoyable movie. There was some funny moments, heartfelt moments, sad moments, quiet moments, action moments, basically emotions all over the place. It was a fun watch but since their vignettes you can probably watch them separately in chunks instead of as a whole movie. I would recommend it, it’s a cool take to see on the 1800s West.

#dafukblog #Dafuking Films #week 47 movie #ballad of buster scruggs

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lesbiancarat · 4 years ago

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omg 😭 I like IZ because I'm super into bands so I've seen some of their mvs and I've heard of all of these group and omg that rambling I deleted? was abt knk. I really recommend watching their more recent mvs they are so pretty and well done even though they don't have a lot of money to work with 🥺 ill check out the music you recced! currently the only group I'd say i follow and aren't super popular aside from knk is onewe.. unfortunately if there isn't a lot of content from an artist its hard for me to stay interested in them so as much as I try I dont follow a lot of underrated groups religiously

YES iz is really so good ;-;

and ahh knk... i really should check out more of their music I've literally been obsessed with rain for years idk why i haven't 😭 and i watched a few like interviews and collaborations they did with YouTubers a few years ago and I really liked them! if you have any specific songs i should check out I'd be happy to hear them 👀 otherwise I can just search on my own djfkf

and yeah same, it's hard to be as invested in smaller groups with less content 😭 bc it makes it harder to get to know the members + there's just not a lot going on esp compared to say SVT, who usually post something every day. that's why I don't feel comfortable calling myself a stan of IZ or fanxy red even though I like all of their music ;-;

but I casually listened to a lot of those underrated groups back in the day bc our fanbase toppklass united would have streaming parties with other small fandoms which from my perspective was really fun and chill :')

also thank u for giving me an excuse to talk about these groups/songs! I've been thinking about recommending underrated songs for ages but held off bc I didn't know if anyone would care dhfjfh

#ask #anon #for some reason though i went through a phase for a couple years #where i didnt listen to hardly any kpop aside from svt #i think bc i was just in the process of discovering more western music and artists i liked #but the last couple months ive been wanting/trying to listen to more kpop #which is how i ended up listening to IZ's entire discography 💀#its a bit easier for me to check out more music from groups that i already know a song or two from #although i did listen to a couple iz*one songs the other day which were good!

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afoolforatook · 5 years ago

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Thank you, Wellies

So. I’ve been trying to do both class work and working on wips and just nothing is clicking. So, I thought I should go ahead and do this post, that I’ve been putting off, because.....it’s next week y’all.... So here goes.

Here’s my original post, that explains what this comic meant to me four years ago.

And here’s what it means to me now. (this is really long, sorry)

Man, I don’t really even know where to start this. How to start to say thank you. To Ngozi, to all of you.... It’s not possible to fully express what all of you have been for me the past four years. What this story has been for me.

So many things have changed since I made this post almost four years ago.

So many things haven’t.

I’ve been way less active in the fandom since starting at SCAD, and I really was never that incredibly active to begin with, outside of my small group of friends on a discord server.

And at times I feel bad about that.

But it’s not because I don’t care about or need this community anymore.

Rather it’s because this community, this story, gave me the strength to keep moving, and now I want to keep doing so, and make something that might one day even barely begin to show my gratitude.

So until then, all I can do is say thank you over and over. I can never possibly say it enough.

But still I wanted to thank you now, and try to explain to you what this comic about hockey and pies has meant to me, one last time before it ends. So that’s what I’ll try to do.

It was surreal rereading this old post earlier this week. Reading

“I think I could write a book just of our history and everything leading up to now and the details of this whole event”

When I wrote this post four years ago, I honestly couldn’t imagine a future where I’d be anything other than incomplete.Or even a future at all. Everyday was just getting up and making myself keep breathing, keep trying to push towards something, even though I had no idea what that could ever be.

For the first year I wrote daily journal entries, telling Emma about what happened that day, screaming at the universe for doing this, trying to help my future self remember little things, because everything was so hard to hold on to.

Update days were always something nearly sacred to me. And really not even from a fan point of view. I don’t read them around other people. I sit somewhere quiet, by myself, and read slowly. Because they are little moments I try to share with her still. The only person I want with me when I read them that first time is her, in whatever capacity I can bring myself to imagine.

A few months after the crash, I found one of Emma’s Spotify playlists. She made playlists for everything; birthday and Christmas presents, mood playlists, friend playlists, monthly playlists.

This was her May 2016 playlist. Last updated May 16th. Two days before the crash.

That playlist was literally the only thing I listened to for months on end. 38 songs.Over and over.

And as I listened I started to think that, just maybe, some of these songs she put there for me.

West Coast; the song me and Emma would send to each other after high school whenever we wanted to let the other know how much we missed them.

All I Want is to Be Your Girl. I mean??

Slowly I found lyrics in every song that even if just in my own fantasy, were little messages from Emma, telling me to keep going, how to stay strong.

I was always looking for stories, books, movies, songs, anything about someone grieving the kind of loss I was. Nothing I found felt like it really represented me. If it was about someone young, it was due to suicide or violence or illness. If it was a car crash, it was about a parent or child. If it somehow fit my other demographics, it was never queer.

I felt totally alone in the exact manifestation of my grief. Like no one else could understand all the tiny details that seemed, to me, to make this all more and more cartoonishly cruel.

(though one of the most touching moments of my life will always be when Emma’s step mom, the only person in her family who knows about us, sent me a book about grieving a spouse. I cried for hours when I opened that.)

I didn’t have outside representation, support. But I had journals. I had Emma’s songs. I had poems and a handful of inktober drawings. I had my little update moments of connection. And I had so much to say.

Months, years, of isolation gives you a lot of time to examine your feelings, to question the meaning of things, to think about what exactly grief looked like to you and about how you wanted to live the rest of your life, as someone grieving a love.

And slowly I began to connect those thoughts to individual lyrics from Emma’s playlist and that helped me actually write all those thoughts out, organize them.

And that’s how The Mixtape Project started (I still hate using the word memoir. I had to find something else to call it). A book about us. About Emma. About all those thoughts I’d had so long to sit with. Structured around the songs from her playlist.

I remember the exact moment that I realized that Check Please was going to actively change my life. I was talking to my dad about it, about why I loved the storytelling, the characters, the art, so much.

I’d told him many times before. But it was always tied to Emma in a way, or to the reasons that I identified with Jack. It was always a little sad in some way.

But this time. This time it was just excitement. It was just a kid who has always loved words, gushing about a story that fascinated them.

And I realized. It was the first time I had been just happy, excited, in the months since losing Emma. I remembered all those ideas Emma helped me with in high school, how we gushed over stories like that. I remembered what it was like to just love something and want to create, just because it made you happy.

I knew I couldn’t go back to UNCA, and none of the other creative writing programs I had looked at seemed like they would fit the new person I was.

So, for the hell of it, looking for some idea at how to start my life over, I looked at Ngozi’s personal story. And there was SCAD. There was sequential art.

Now. I’d never ever considered myself an artist. I went to an art high school, I knew art kids. I was never one of them. But that sequential part? That. THAT was what I wanted. That was what I could still be excited about.

That was how I could pull the Mixtape Project together. The writing, the poems, the art, the music. Comics. Sequential art. A graphic memoir that played with the format. That was the project that kept me going. That was what I was working for. That was the first future I was able to see now that Emma was gone.

So, for the first time since literally elementary school, I took an art class (also took a mythology class at the same time, which really helped keep my art and storytelling tied).

I loved it. I was actually happy with my work, surprised by my work and how quickly I felt like I improved (I wouldn’t learn about aphantasia until I got to SCAD, and understand that that drawing 1 class had been so fun, and in a way, easy, because it was all direct observation, and that drawing from memory and imagination would be a much steeper learning curve for me.)

So, when the class ended I thought ‘you know, maybe some kind of art school could be a good idea.’

And then one of my life long best friends, a SCAD animation student, encouraged me to apply, to just go for it.

And I did. It was a long shot, I was sure. We couldn’t afford it. Why would I get that in that kind of commitment, debt, after 1 art class? It wasn’t logical. But it felt good. So I did.

And then I got accepted, and the initial excitement soon fell away, to me and my parents knowing that it really wasn’t doable.

But we went to admitted students day, just to see. And when we got home, both of my parents cried for a long time. The first happy cry in our house for over two years.

Because they had decided that they had to figure out a way to make it work.

Because standing in Haymans hall was the first time they had seen me excited about the future since Emma died. It was the first time they’d seen me feel like there was somewhere I was meant to be, that there was somewhere I could fit again.

So we made it happen. I’ll still be in debt for years, and it’s not necessarily something I’d wholeheartedly recommend to kids getting out of high school, that debt isn’t worth it for many people.

For me it wasn’t really even worth it exactly for SCAD itself, and you’ll have plenty of professors tell you here that really what you pay for isn’t the education but the networking.

But for me. For me it was worth it.

Because I wasn’t wasting away in my basement.

And I really wasn’t where I’d have liked to have been, ideally, before starting. I was a BRAND new artist. My portfolio for my application was solely my writing work. I hadn’t ever done anything more than scribbled fan comics in my sketchbook. I was coming in wayyyyy behind where most other people were. But I couldn’t wait to feel like I was good enough to be there. There was a strong chance that it was quite literally, a matter of survival. I was reaching a breaking point after nearly three years of isolation and grief with no outlet. The future debt was less of a concern than making sure I didn’t have a complete mental breakdown or worse.

Now, of course, it hasn’t all been easy or fun or happy once I got here. I’ve doubted myself, I’ve had awful weeks, months, been stressed, unmotivated, in pain, near burnout.

The first quarter I was absolutely miserable because I had literally no social life.

Because I was an agoraphobic 23 yr old, living with 17/18 yr olds fresh out of high school. And if I wasn’t careful, I’d dissociate so easily. I’d let myself believe that I was still a teenager fresh from high school. That the past three years of agony hadn’t happened. That I could call Emma and it would ring again. She would answer again. And that illusion was a dangerous pit to fall into.

And it wasn’t until this fall that my social life really started to improve, beyond one or two close friends. And even still, while it’s much better, it’s nothing like UNCA, like the tight knit family I had that made me identify with SMH and the Haus atmosphere so much.

But I was moving forward. Agonizingly slowly sometimes. But still forward.

And then last Spring quarter, just about a year ago, I was in Survey for SEQA. Basically comic book history class. And our final was a 4 page research comic on a comic artist we admired. So of course, I was going to do mine on Ngozi.

The comic was due at the end of the quarter, the end of May.

Now, that quarter was the first time I was actually in SEQA classes; Survey, and Intro.

And those four pages would be the first fully colored, refined comic pages I had EVER done. It was intimidating. I didn’t want to mess it up. Especially because this wasn’t some big name of some far off artist you would never have any connection to. This was someone who all my professors knew.

I ended up getting extremely lucky and had the chance to email Ngozi and ask if she’d be able to give for a quote for the project, advice for current SCAD students.

She replied to my email the weekend of the 3rd anniversary. (I then spent hours on a thank you email - because that’s who I am, I can’t not over analyze anything I’m sending to someone important - and then I managed to save it to drafts instead of actually sending it...something I would not notice until literally months later and be absolutely mortified about my apparent rudeness of never thanking her.)

I still am not really happy with how that project came out. I still had (and have) a lot to learn, and it shows. I have, in no way, become an amazing comic artist overnight. I wasn’t expecting to.

But that short email exchange, falling on that weekend; it felt special. It felt like some speck of proof that I was doing the right thing. That things could actually go well in my life again. That if I kept going, I might actually get somewhere that I wanted to be. That maybe I really could make The Mixtape Project happen, if I just kept at it here.

And then I found out that in the fall, Ngozi would be the SEQA mentor.

Unfortunately by the time I had all the details about how to apply, the quarter had started and there were only a couple of weeks before it was due, and the only pages I had even anywhere close to being portfolio ready were either my research comic or a few older Check Please fan comics, none of which I would even have considered putting in that portfolio (I’m not 100% certain it would actually have come across as sucking up but it sure felt like it would have). And despite my best efforts, it just wasn’t possible, with how slow I work and having to keep up with classwork, for me to get a portfolio ready in time.

That hurt for a while. I felt like I had this clear sign of perfect timing. How could I pass up that chance? How could I forgive myself for not doing everything I could to earn that experience? How was I not letting Emma down if I ruined this opportunity?

It took a while to get out of that negative thought spiral. But I did, and it’s still a bummer, but it’s okay.

And something that really helped?

In October, Ngozi still came to campus to give a lecture. And that would have been good enough; just sitting in on that helped me feel excited, encouraged again. But then, after the lecture (with my amazing roommate waiting patiently behind with me, to make sure I didn’t actually have a panic attack on the way home) I got to talk to her.

We all hope to one day get to talk to the people who inspired us, whose work we love, to tell them how much they mean to us. And yes, I was a little version of starstruck.

But that wasn’t why I was shaking. That wasn’t why I told her I was going to do my best to get this out without crying (and I did, I’m proud to say).

It was because I had the opportunity, while at the school that had given me a chance to start my life again, to thank the woman who was in all likelihood, one of the main reasons I was even still alive. If it had not been for Check Please I wouldn’t have had that good thing to keep sharing with Emma. I wouldn’t have found sequential art, at least not for a while longer probably. I wouldn’t have been able to finally picture a future I wanted to get to.

And I’ll be honest, I don’t remember 90% of what I actually said that night to Ngozi.

But I told her my story. I told her about Emma. About how Check Please was the last thing we got to share. I thanked her. And she was wonderful and kind and emotional and hugged me a couple of times, and even though I don’t remember a lot of what I actually said; it was something that will be one of the most important, affirming moments of my life.

I didn’t have a panic attack on the way home. I somehow managed to not cry until we were back to our dorm. But I was stunned.

Not even because of the amazing moment I had been able to have with Ngozi.

But because it hit me.

I was doing it. I was there. I had actually made it this far.

Somewhere that just over a year ago I never would have believed was possible.

A time when, two years before, I hadn’t even been sure I could make it to alive.

That weekend was my 24th birthday. And it was the first birthday since I left UNCA at 19, that I didn’t just hate the fact that I was getting older. That I was moving away from the happiest parts of my life so far.

Yes it still hurt getting further from Emma, putting another tick on the years that I got that she didn’t.

But I was actually finally excited at the idea of even having a future, let alone having an idea of what it could be.

February was a difficult month for me. I have another (entirely way too long) post about why everything that happened with RWBY and Fairgame was so difficult for me, but to put it simply; my hope for the future was shaken.

I was back in the toxic negative thought spirals I had fought for years to train myself out of.

I was seeing Emma, or her brother, or her mom, in crowds; something I hadn’t experienced since the first few months after the crash. I was in one of the biggest crisis moments I’d had since Emma’s death.

But I was more experienced than when I was 20.

It wasn’t fun, a lot of it probably wasn’t the ideal way to cope, but I did it. And I kept up with my work. I isolated more, but not completely. I made myself vent on snapchat or tumblr, and not worry about oversharing or annoying people, because it was either get it out or let it fester in my head. And I couldn’t afford to let that happen.

In mid March, I made a pitch packet for my comic scripting final.

It was for The Mixtape Project. It was hard, and nerve-wracking, and there’s still mountains of work to be done.

But after my initial synopsis (first of like seven versions, cause trying to put this thing in a good synopsis format is a nightmare) my professor told me that he thought my story had potential.

That he could see it being published. He suggested, knowing that I was planning on taking his advanced scripting course this quarter (hey remember how mid march was only a few weeks ago?? Huh?? wild), that I keep working on it, and see about taking it to Editor’s day (SEQA students’ opportunity to basically pitch themselves and their ideas to publishers).

Now, my professor is by no means an overly harsh critic, and is plenty supportive in general.

But I also knew that that was not just something he said to students all the time. That he meant it.

Editor’s Day (now online) is in mid May. The week of the 4th anniversary of Emma’s death, to be exact.

Everything is a mess right now, and I’m stressed and tired and scared and heartbroken (this will be the first time since I was 9 that I have not had Merlefest; the highlight of my year, and since Emma’s death; the last big happy thing before I plunge into the nightmare that is May).

Tuesday will come. Check Please will end. I will continue to support Ngozi and her work after Bitty’s story ends.

But it will be sad. It won’t be easy.

This thing that has been my tether to the most important person in my life, will still be there, but it will be over.

It will have a concrete end. It will no longer be part of the future I am pushing towards.

But I am a different person than the shattered kid who wrote this post four years ago.

I’m not who I was before Emma died. I never will be. I’d never try to be. I want Emma back more than anything. But that won’t happen. And as long as this is all real, I never want to pretend this didn’t happen.

That I didn’t shatter in a way that will never heal like people expect.

I’m still all those shattered pieces that wrote this post. Maybe a few have had the edges dulled, maybe I’ve lost a few, glued a few together perfectly, maybe picked up a few stray pieces that didn’t come from the me from before.

But I will be those shattered pieces for the rest of my life.

They won’t magically fuse back together. I work every day to hold them, to keep myself in some shape that resembles a functioning person.

Some days I fail. Some days, I am too tired to even try. Some days, I am so angry, I’d rather hurl the pieces at whatever power or fate or god or chaos decided that I got to live and she didn’t.

But those days pass.

And I learn how to hold the pieces better, how to avoid the sharpest edges, how to take care of the wounds when I inevitably cut myself on one, how to allow other people to help me hold them, how to accept that some pieces may feel safe and smooth and comforting but they are traps, illusions that are the easy way to do things, but not the healthy way, not the way that will help me achieve my goals.

That person, made of all those unholdable pieces, four years ago, was staying alive for everyone else but themself.

And some days I still am.

For my parents. For Emma. For all the other queer, mentally ill, grieving kids and young adults and just people, who are looking for the same representation I was, who feel as alone as I still do so often.

But some days.

On those really good days.

I’m alive, carrying all those pieces, just because I want to be. For me.

I want to spin around in the morning, singing along to my bluegrass spotify. I want to get excited over finally figuring out how to write that line that was giving me so much trouble, or finish that sketch that I never thought I could manage. I want to hope that despite how awful everything seems, there’s still a good future out there. It’s still possible to be happy some days.

I want to cry because I get to see Jack and Bitty get the happy ending that me and Emma didn’t.

And now, unlike that version of me from four years ago, when it ends, I will have things still.

Things that I have worked everyday to reach, to deserve, to hold out to people and say

“Hey, sometimes everything hurts and you know that things will never be what they were, and parts of you will always miss that. But there are still things you can find that hurt less, that ease the hurt, that teach you how to better hold the hurt, to stop trying to say it doesn’t exist or trying to get rid of it completely and hating yourself when you can’t. You can still be hurt, be irreparably broken in so many places, and still find the happy things. You are still worthy of love, no matter how broken you are. Your worth is not tied to how much you are able to heal. You are worthy of so much love, just because you are still here, no matter how many tiny pieces you are in.”

The thing is, I will still always have a future that includes Emma. Because I couldn’t tell you exactly which of my pieces are from her, but so many of them are.

There is no version of me, from here on to the day I die, that does not have her influence embedded in every piece.

These days I try to be a little kinder to myself. It doesn’t always work, but I try.

Because, to Emma, I was Bitty. I radiated that “thing”.

Whether or not I saw it in myself, doesn’t matter, because she did.

But to me she was the one who radiated.

And she is a part of me. She can’t radiate that “thing” herself anymore.

But I can, at least I can try.

Because If this person I loved and trusted so immensely, saw something worth loving in me? There must be something there worth loving, right?

And if she is a part of me for the rest of my life, how can I hate myself? How can I do anything but keep going so that, even if just in my head, a part of her gets to keep going too.

My family and friends joke that every friend group I’ve ever had calls me something different. And really it’s not a joke. In middle school I was CB #4 (that’s a long, terribly embarrassing, story). In high school I was Pond (and many variations there of: Pondala, Pondy, Raindrop, Puddle, you get the picture). At UNCA, when I came out as nonbinary, I started going by Auden. When I went home it was back to Meagan; Meagan always felt right with my parents.

With Emma I was always Meagan. We were Meagan and Emma. Megma. Meagan and Emma have online adventures!

After she was gone, Meagan didn’t really feel like me anymore. I loved Meagan, I missed Meagan, I wished I could still really fully be Meagan, and I’m okay still being Meagan sometimes.

But that real Meagan. The Meagan that was Emma’s Meagan. Doesn’t exist anymore. I lost that Meagan somewhere in that first night of screaming and trying to break my hand against the wall, so I could just feel something other than the agony of Emma being gone.

When I joined a Check Please chat group, a few months after the crash, we gave each other hockey nicknames. I was Farley.

My second quarter at SCAD, I started going by Farley. It stuck.

That’s who this version of me is. This new artist, still figuring things out, but still going.

I may not always stay Farley (other than ya’know artist ‘branding’. We’ll see) but that’s okay. Farley is who I need to be right now.

Farley is who will finish The Mixtape Project.

(because of two people mishearing both my nickname and last name I will, at least once in my career, use the pseudonym Fartley McFarmland and no one will stop me).

I can’t imagine what, who, will come after Farley, if anything.

But Check Please will always be a part of making Farley, and every future version of me, exist.

I could go on and on about how beautiful this story and these characters are, how inspiring Ngozi is, how genius her storytelling is, how powerful and important her work is. I could go on for days about all of that. But this is already so long, and I know that so many of you can go on about that probably way better than I could currently.

But, as many of my professors tell us over and over, only I can tell this story. My story. Emma’s story. Our story. And it’s one I plan on telling for the rest of my life.

And Check Please, Ngozi, will forever be the thing that made that possible.

So thank you. Those two words that are way too small to say it all.

Thank you.

Every fic writer

Every artist

Every rper

Every chat friend

Every shitposter

Every theorist or meta poster

Every fan

Thank you.

B. “Shitty” Knight.

Larissa “Lardo” Duan

Adam “Holster” Birkholtz

Justin “Ransom” Oluransi

John Johnson

Ollie O'Meara

Pacer Wicks

Jenny and Mandy

Nicholas and Jean-Claude

Coach Hall

Coach Murray

Suzanne Bittle

Richard “Coach” Bittle

William “Dex” Poindexter

Derek “Nursey” Nurse

Chris “Chowder” Chow

Kent Parson

Alicia Zimmermann

“Bad” Bob Zimmermann

Tony “Tango” Tangredi

Connor “Whiskey” Whisk

Denice “Foxtrot” Ford

Fry Guy

Georgia “Georgie” Martin

Alexei “Tater” Mashkov

Sebastian “Marty” St. Martin

Dustin “Snowy” Snow

Poots

Randall “Thirdy” Robinson

Jonathan “Hops” Hopper

River “Bully” Bullard

Lukas “Louis” Landmann

(I’m almost certain I had to have missed someone)

Thank you.

Jack “Zimmboni” Laurent Zimmermann

Thank you.

Eric “Bitty” Richard Bittle

Thank you.

Ngozi Ukazu

Thank you. For everything.

For having my back. I’ll always have yours.

Always yours,

Farley M.

#Check Please #omgcp #my person #my writing #meagan and emma have online adventures #-slaps me- you can fit so many confused emotions in this thing

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kyn19 · 4 years ago

Note

1 THROUGH 98! I WANT TO KNOW THE ANSWERS AND I CAN'T STAND GETTING THEM PIDDLING BIT BY PIDDLY BIT!!!!!

Lmaooooo what a fuckin Mood. Thank you!!!!! Also, you’re getting Drunk Kylie answers which are arguably the Best answers. For the courtesy of everyone’s dash, answers are below the cut!! <3 <3 <3

1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans?

Coffee mugs! I have a sizable collection lmao #WriterLife

2. chocolate bars or lollipops?

omg such a tough one, both are aces. seriously I can think of so many combatting pros & cons!! the only fair way i can currently conceive is which i would want weed in. Which is lollipops bc (#UnpopularOpinion) pot makes chocolate taste bad.

3. bubblegum or cotton candy?

both are great, but def bubblegum.

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you?

“Pleasure to have in class” in true Gifted Child fashion

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups?

i’ll rate them in order: 1) can (absolutely preferred), 2) bottle if alone but plastic (lez be honest, Red Solo Cup) if with company, 3) glass (do not like)

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear?

#1 goth all the way. Pastel and Formal guest appearances

7. earbuds or headphones?

headphone, bc earbuds usually hurt my ears.

8. movies or tv shows?

first of all, how dare you. second of all, tv shows ONLY BECAUSE if all my fave movies were given tv shows so that they could last longer i would choose so

9. favorite smell in the summer?

idk i guess pool chlorine? dislike summer

10. game you were best at in p.e.?

bruh fuckin none. elementary school: too long ago to recall. middle school: escaped having to take gym at all. high school: had a medical excuse to take online PE. least athletic girl u know

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day?

i don’t have bfast bc eating close to when i awaken makes my tummy upset

12. name of your favorite playlist?

hmm 4-way tie between “#motivate #bitch” (gets me pumped to work) and “Friends Of The Illness” (my playlist of songs about and/or artist who are mentally ill) and “Ominous/haunting” (speaks to my creepy side) and “Bad Bitches” (self-explanatory amirite)

13. lanyard or key ring?

Key ring. Straight up I use an extra shoelace as my key ring string, despite owning multiple lanyards.

14. favorite non-chocolate candy?

god another fkn hard one. Listen y’all, you dont understand how much of a sugar fiend i am. candy is my JAM. Starbursts, Sour Straws, Skittles, Jolly Ranchers...who can choose?!

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment?

“Ceremony” by Leslie Marmon Silko. Highly recommend!!!!!!!!!!!

16. most comfortable position to sit in?

laying down lol sitting is for suckers

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes?

combat boots like the gay i am

18. ideal weather?

low 70′s degrees (F*), intermittent showers during the day but clear starry skies overnight

19. sleeping position?

mostly fetal, mostly on my side but chest is towards the bed, one arm under the pillow under my head

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)?

Laptop. I used to love writing in notebooks, but ya girl got weak fingy joints nowadays

21. obsession from childhood?

pfft as if they aren’t the same obsessions i have now

22. role model?

so many!!!!! Jameela Jamil is the first that comes to mind

23. strange habits?

lmao i am ass-deep in idiosyncrasies, if you ain’t read the blog title already

24. favorite crystal?

i don’t know anything about crystals. does blue topaz count? cuz that’s my birthstone and i like that one a lot. i even had the foresight to pick that as my engagement ring’s stone in my utterly preposterous & failed relationship

25. first song you remember hearing?

oh wow, no idea. music has always been huge for me. probably either a Britney Spears or Mary J. Blige song???

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather?

stay inside lmao

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather?

WEAR SWEATERS & DRINK HOT CHOCOLATE, BITCH!!!!!!!!!

28. five songs to describe you?

oof ok, hard, but here goes:

“Here” by Alessia Cara

“Wannabe” by the Spice Girls

“I’m Just a Kid and Life Is A Nightmare” by Simple Plan

“No Daddy” by Teairra Mari

“Brick By Boring Brick” by Paramore

29. best way to bond with you?

i am straight up not easy to make friends with (bc my own bullshit, not trying to be pretentious), so bonding is hard. the best way is probably a combo of queer + memes + loves food + correct morals + being the dominant talker

30. places that you find sacred?

Libraries, locally owned coffee shops, Walmarts at 3am, playgrounds in the middle of the night, side of a rural road at 12am, my bed

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names?

Blazer + shirt with a titty window + high waisted plaid pants + platform booties

32. top five favorite vines?

OMG I LOVE VINES OK OK OK OMG I LOVE SO MANY SO HERE ARE JUST THE ONES I QUOTE THE MOST OK:

Josh Kennedy: “What’s up my name’s Jared I’m 19 and I never fucking learned how to read”

Sarah Schauer: [dont remember the beginning] “didn’t you..?” “sleep in this? yes. mama needs A DRINK”

Evan Breer: “What’s up my & my boys are going to see Uncle Kracker - give me my hat back Jordan, do you see Uncle Kracker or no - *gasp!*”

Drew Gooden: “Road work ahead? Um yeah, I sure hope it does...”

Nathan Enick: “Yo how much money do you have?” “69 cents” “Oh you know what that means!” “...i don’t have enough money for chicken nuggets :( ...”

33. most used phrase in your phone?

bruh like how even am i supposed to answer this?? like texts or Siri requests or????? bc if it’s Siri requests then it’s 100% for arithmetic

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head?

Stanley Steamer. you kno the one

35. average time you fall asleep?

3:30am

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing?

bitch i’m a 90′s child of the internet, i was around the web before YouTube launched, i was there when the first modern memes were fucking conceived. i will say the biggest repository of meme culture that i was a part of was YouTube and icanhazcheezburger.com & its side-sites.

37. suitcase or duffel bag?

duffel - Tie-Dye Girl from the Lindsey Lohan “Parent Trap” made quite the impression on me

38. lemonade or tea?

Lemonade! hate the leaf water

39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie?

Lemon cake! Not a meringue pie girl saly

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school?

I’ve been to a lot of schools yo lol. My undergrad college was def the “weirdest” ofc, bc it was an art school lol. An instance that stands out was a string of “Solid Gold Clit” graffiti after a Sophia Wallace visit to campus right before i started there.

41. last person you texted?

My bff triad pals @backwardswriter and @bristarshine

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets?

damn tough call. Probably jacket pockets bc i’m more likely to have those as a lady who wears lady-targeted pants

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket?

Hoodie

44. favorite scent for soap?

Plum!

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero?

Fantasy, though sci-fi is a solid 2nd. Not much of a superhero gal

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in?

.....underwear only. Sometimes an oversized t-shirt too.

47. favorite type of cheese?

Mozzarella!!!

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be?

I would want to be like a pomegranate, but i’m probably a nectarine

49. what saying or quote do you live by?

“If you hope for the best but expect the worst, you’ll never be disappointed.”

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have?

bitch i’m a giggle monster, i taught myself to be easily amused as a survival mechanism.

51. current stresses?

My own lack of discipline.

52. favorite font?

oooooof i have so many ok. too name a few: Centaur, Garamont, Book Antigua, Times New Roman, Montserrat.....mostly Serif fonts bc I’m an old books bitch

53. what is the current state of your hands?

I don’t love my hands (how homophobic of me, I know). Currently they’re kinda dry and full of sandwich

54. what did you learn from your first job?

what kind of boss I like. also that my customer service voice is frighteningly pleasant

55. favorite fairy tale?

Original tale: Thumbelina. Adaptations: Snow White.

56. favorite tradition?

uhhh Thanksgiving feast I guess? i am not a traditions gal

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome?

I am very very fortunate to not have a lot or a severity of these. The ones that I’ve had the worst of are: gender discrimination/harassment as a woman, hardcore emotional abuse in a relationship, and heavy heavy mental illness

58. four talents you’re proud of having?

Tangible talents: writing, lying. Intangible: A+ imagination, useless trivia.

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?

“I support you!”

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be?

like if Tokyo Mew Mew and Higurashi No Naku Koro Ni had a baby

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?

Again, how dare you. Like literally, asking me to pick a favorite line from something is like asking what my favorite breed of dog is. Legit impossible

62. seven characters you relate to?

Ananka Fishbein (Kiki Strike series), Mermista (She Ra & the Princesses of Power), Luna Lovegood (Harry Potter), Gwen (Total Drama), Rori Gilmore (Gilmore Girls), Villanelle (Killing Eve), Andrea (St. Trinian’s)

so like all very- to semi-weird white girls lmao

63. five songs that would play in your club?

[by the term “club” i assume that i’m limited to pop and electronic music. even with the limitation, though, a super hard question]

“Talking Body” by Tove Lo

“Hot in Herre” by Nelly

“Because the Night” by Cascada

“Nails, Hair, Hips, Heels” by Todrick Hall

“Break Free” by Ariana Grande ft. Zedd

64. favorite website from your childhood?

pretty much any doll franchise’s site (Barbie, Bratz, My Scene, Polly Pocket, Diva Girlz, everGirl, etc you name it)

65. any permanent scars?

Yep. One by a dog scratch (it was honestly a weak/shallow/innocent scratch, i still have no idea why it scarred at all), and a few from a car crash last year

66. favorite flower(s)?

i don’t really like flowers? i usually just say Forget-Me-Not’s for ease

67. good luck charms?

bitch idk but i’m knocking on wood just from thinking bout it

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried?

you ever taste that chocolate Laffy Taffy? vile bruh

69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned?

I am annoying enough to know how i learnt all my facts, but the funnest fact I like to annoy people with is that ducks have corkscrew penises evolved from their main form of mating being rape

70. left or right handed?

Right (like any ol’ simp)

71. least favorite pattern?

polka dots

72. worst subject?

MATH and also PHYS ED

73. favorite weird flavor combo?

One time whilst high, I put nacho cheese Doritos on a tuna sandwich. Winning combo, I’m telling you

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen?

My pain tolerance is straight up unpredictable, so like anywhere from a 3 to a 9

75. when did you lose your first tooth?

5 years old

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?

Mashed potatoes

77. best plant to grow on a windowsill?

I am not a plant person. Moss.

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store?

fucking neither but i at least like coffee so i guess the former....

(i know, it’s tragic and barbaric that i dislike sushi, i wish i had another answer for you)

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo?

Neither lmao - I got them within a month of each other (six years ago) so they’re essentially the same photo.

80. earth tones or jewel tones?

Jewel!

81. fireflies or lightning bugs?

I mean those are the same bug so I assume this is asking about which terminology I typically use/prefer. Which i would say both bc I’m a cultured ho

82. pc or console?

I don’t game so I guess PC lmao

83. writing or drawing?

Writing but I like both

84. podcasts or talk radio?

damn neither lmao I can’t focus on non-music audio only. I guess talk radio, just bc I can do like ten minute radio segments at least lol

84. barbie or polly pocket?

both were lit but I had more Barbies

85. fairy tales or mythology?

not to sound like a broken record but FIRST OF ALL HOW DARE YOU? second of all, I essentially consider them in the same category at this point in modernity, so my answer is Yes.

86. cookies or cupcakes?

Cupcakes, but both are exquisite

87. your greatest fear?

spiders, heights, clowns, seeing bad things happening to animals, that my consciousness will exist even after death, y’know normal stuff

88. your greatest wish?

to transfer myself into one of my fave fictional worlds

89. who would you put before everyone else?

dogs, next question

90. luckiest mistake?

i make a lot of those honestly, so who knows

91. boxes or bags?

LISTEN I LOVE CONTAINERS OF ALL SORTS, YOU CAN’T MAKE ME CHOOSE, IM PANSEXUAL FOR A REASON

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights?

FLASHLIGHTS, BITCH

93. nicknames?

Ky, KyKy, Moonshine, SugarTits, Goog Bones

94. favorite season?

Autumn (yes i call it that instead of Fall bc i’m a pretentious ass bitch lol)

95. favorite app on your phone?

Tumblr, c’mon

96. desktop background?

Currently a digital art painting of a flowing stag in a swamp that I downloaded from DeviantArt. I change it every few months though (to other downloaded digital art from DA that I collect periodically lmao)

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized?

Seven - mine, my mom’s 2 numbers, my grandma’s, my pop’s cell and office (also my old office) numbers, and my childhood house phone number lol

98. favorite historical era?

Golden Age of Piracy, specifically bc the piracy lol

Thank you so much for the asks, this was so much fun!!!

#asks

1 note · View note

bazwillendinflames · 5 years ago

Text

Norkus Nov - Pining

Norkus November day 5 - Pining

Read on AO3

This was the last time Markus borrowed one of Leo’s old suits. Despite his brother’s poor lifestyle, he was still a bigger build to Markus. The jacket hung a little loose in the shoulders. The only thing that did fit well were his boots, a pair of scuffed red Doc Martins that Markus was studying with the kind of focus he probably needed more of in college. Usually, his focus at these kind of things was the art itself - even now it still amazed him how talented Carl was - but now he just wanted to be invisible.

Most people would take the hint when the person who just made eye contact hides in a corner and looks down. But North had always been especially strong willed and stubborn, so before long a pair of silver boots appeared in his line of sight. Markus half-expected a drink over his head.

Instead, he was met with an almost friendly voice. “I never thought I’d see the day Markus Manfred hides in the corner at a party.”

“I’m not hiding.”

“Sure. That’s why you won’t even look at me.”

He looked at her. North hadn’t changed - same deep brown eyes, same little scar over her eyebrow from a fight in a half-way home, her hair was even in a long braid down her back. In other ways, it was like a whole different person. She stood taller (she was wearing heeled boots) and looked better in a suit than he did; North’s was dark blue and velvet. She was smiling at him too, despite everything; Markus had missed her so much hurt and now the wounds were fresh again.

“You look good.”

“I sure hope so.” North stroked the velvet blazer. “This is no thrift shop find. The blazer alone was nearly a hundred dollars.”

That would have been nothing to Markus’ family but neither of them mentioned it.

“Really, you look good.”

Finally, she took the compliment. “Thanks. Wish I could say the same but-”

“I know.” He held up his arms so she could better see the ill fit. “It’s Leo’s old suit, not mine.”

“At least the shoes are familiar. Back to our punk rock days.”

“Our punk rock days aren’t over yet.”

There was a twinkle in North’s eye that he had missed. “Even if you’re dressed like a failed rock star.”

Markus played with the baggy sleeve. “I had to get ready on short notice.”

“You weren’t already planning on coming?”

“I was meant to stay in Washington over break.” Markus was busy there, that was all.

“Right.” The soft smile on her face dropped. “Is your Dad okay?”

“He’s getting better. Something came up. Um, Leo.” Markus didn’t offer any more explanation. Once he would have told her everything and cried in her shoulder over yet another of his brother’s relapses. But they had lost their past closeness (he had) and Markus knew he didn’t have the right to anymore, so he changed the topic. “How come you’re here?”

“I’m a big artist now.”

Markus still hadn’t forgotten all their shared art classes. North had spent more time doodling on his arms than her sketchbook. “Really?”

She laughed. “No. I work here. I’m um, training to be a manager. Carl recommended me for the job actually.”

“Oh, he didn’t mention you’d be here.” Markus was sure his Father was scheming. That would be typical of him. Carl was always joking North was like a daughter to him. He had been hinting he’d like her to be a daughter-in-law too for an embarrassingly long time.

“Sorry if I ruined your plan of hiding from… everyone.” North played with the long braid that fell over her shoulder.

(That fact he had been trying to hide from her went unsaid.)

“No, it’s good you’re here,” Markus said.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

North sighed. “I should get back to work. But save me a dance later?”

“Promise.”

She strode off, leaving Markus alone once more, feeling much more guilty than before.

Maybe it would have been easier if North had been angry. (She was so furious when he left her behind.) But North had seemed to accept her fate as the one who got away (did she realise that’s what she was to him? Did she understand it was hard for him too?), she seemed so mature, grown up, whilst Markus sulked in a corner.

He should leave and save them both further heartache. But the truth was that Markus couldn’t bare to let her down again. Not after making a promise.

When Markus was younger, he used to love coming to these kind of things. Art galleries, openings, fancy galas in tiny suits. He used to push his Father’s chair around, pointing at empty spaces on the walls and declaring that one day his art would go up there too.

After he made friends with North, they’d sneak out during the long speeches and poke at the art. He told her once, shyly, he’d be in these galleries one day.

Now it was North who was in her element here. She moved between guests, laughing a little too loudly at jokes, and her staff. In her suit, she looked like some kind of awesome business woman. But despite all that, when Markus watched her stop and admire a painting, he could still see the young girl who touched the art when she wasn’t allowed and pulled him by the hand into trouble.

Markus knew he shouldn’t have promised her a dance. The last time they had danced was at prom, which felt like a lifetime ago now. North had been the one in second hand clothes then - a long black dress that her sister had worn to her own prom - and he’d worn a smart suit of his own. (It was still in his wardrobe at home. Markus had chosen Leo’s suit to avoid the memories.) They’d gone as friends, even if Markus desperately wanted more. He’d never come as close to kissing her as that night.

North walked past, in conversation with some art critic. She rolled her eyes at him over her shoulder. (God, he had missed her so much.)

One dance, he promised himself, one dance and then I’ll let her go.

“You’re still here.”

Something about the relief in her voice left Markus with a prick of guilt. It was well deserved at least, he was a guilty prick, and he had left before after…

He didn’t want to think of that night.

“I promised you that dance.”

North took the hand he offered to her. She seemed a little stiff at first but she didn’t pull away when he put his hand on her hip (as respectfully as possible; North was a bit jumpy at that kind of thing).

I told you I would wait

I said I'd wait for you to come my way

“I was so furious at you.”

“North-”

“I know you don’t want to talk about it. But after all this shit you’ve put me through, I think I deserve to say my piece.”

“Okay. I’m listening.”

They swayed to the soft music.

Talk to me, talk to me

You can't just stare right through me

Talk to me, talk to me

You can't just walk right by me

“I mean really furious. I was happy to rip off your stupid head the next time you came back. So maybe it’s for the best you didn’t. I have known you for my entire life and you have never cared how different we are. And then, all of a sudden, you’re packing for Washington without even telling me you were accepted.” She took a deep breath. “I didn’t mind that you wanted to leave Detroit. But you left me behind. I would have gone with you.”

“I know.”

“Then why didn’t you let me?” North fixed her big brown eyes on his. “It wasn’t your choice.”

“You shouldn’t have to follow me.”

“I should have a choice. It seemed like you found a new life and wanted to ditch me.”

“What changed?”

“That’s what I asked too,” North said. “But I guess you mean why I stopped hating you.”

“You hated me?”

“How could I not? You left me behind to pine after you like an idiot.”

You never said why you went away

We'll meet again in Deception Bay

You promised you would be here to stay

“I was scared.”

“So was I,” she replied, voice soft. “When I was younger I thought we were going to be together forever. And I know that you felt the same. I thought you were just waiting for high school to finish first. I thought… the way you looked at me at prom, Markus, you gave me such hope. And then you ran away.”

“I didn’t know-”

“Of course, I love you Markus.” North seemed to shuffle closer to his chest. “So imagine how it felt when you left me behind. No call, no note. I could have dropped you at the airport.”

“I thought if you followed me to Washington and hated it… all those years would be tainted.”

“I’m not a painting!” North snapped. They had stopped swaying. “You can’t preserve me in a perfect moment forever. You never even gave us a chance.”

Markus could feel her slipping away. “I’m sorry, I didn’t think-”

“I can tell.”

The song was drawing to a close and Markus could feel himself losing her, just like he had feared all those months away.

I called you from the car

I called to say that you have left a scar

I called to say that you hurt me the most

By far

“Look,” North said, quieter now, “when I said I love you, I meant it, present tense and all. But I got sick of pining for you a long time ago.”

“Wait, don’t-”

“Don’t what? Push back? Give up on you?”

Markus sighed. “Don’t go.”

“You know, if you had visited before now, just once, just one weekend, I would have stayed,” North said, “but you’re here because of some family drama you won’t even trust me with. I would have stayed if I didn’t think this was the last time I’d ever dance with you.”

“Don’t go.”

But it was all too late.

#norkusnovember #norkus #dbh #dbh markus #dbh north

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kmelanin · 6 years ago

Text

Permanent Ink \ 2 // kth

a/n: Im now on spring break!!! Well it technically starts on march 4th and ends the 10th, but anywayssss that means more updates. This is a little shorter than the first part, but id call this a filler! I hope you enjoy!

I RECOMMEND LISTENING TO THE SONGS I SAY IN THE STORY FOR FULL EFFECT!

Main Masterlist~

( Permanent Ink ) masterlist~

WARNING- um sensual dancing

word count: 3k+

__________________________________

Taehyung unlocks his front door and enters his apartment. It was the smallest thing he has ever lived in. But he didn't mind it at all, in fact, he loved it. It was easy to clean, and it was only him, so he didn't feel as alone. He went into the bathroom, wanting to take a shower and go to bed.

As he was towel drying his hair, he quickly pulled on some underwear and some sweats. He went to his fridge for some water and he sits down on his bed so he could roll up a joint before he went to bed.

As he finished licking the paper, there was a quick knock at the door. Taehyung sighed and set his rolling tray down next to him and get up. He looks down at himself noticing that he was shirtless. But at this point he could care less. He wents to the door and opens it up. When he sees who it was, his face dropped even more than it already was.

“Sinsi? Why are you here?” He asks, his voice was laced with irritation. She rolls her eyes at his attitude and pushes her way inside.

“You could at least try to sound excited to see me.” She says setting her purse down on the bed.

“How can I, when you literally annoy the hell out of me.” He says shutting his door and finds his spot on the bed again.

“Shut up.” She frowns and sits down next to him.

“Like I said, why are you here?” He grabs his lighter and sparks the joint up.

“Why do I always come here?” She says in a duh tone and looks around his home. “I mean come on, I wouldn't come to this shoe box for anything.” She stands up and starts to take her jacket off. Taehyung just laughs at her sass, more like scoff and smile at the same time.

“I like you better when I've fucked you speechless.” He mutters and hits the joint. “Speaking of fucking you, how’s the fiance?” He asks sarcastically. He always mentions him when she comes around. After all she left Taehyung for him. BoGum.

After her family found out that she was dating a ‘poor artist that lives on the street’, they made her choose. Taehyung or to continue to be supported. Which meant to continue to spend her parents money. She come to Taehyung one day, he thought she chose him. But instead she was there to say that, even though she loved him, she can't give it up.

But that was two years ago. It was a year ago when she was forced to marry Bogum. She came running to Taehyung, not wanting to marry him. Next thing they knew, it was morning and they were both naked. The next day she found out that if she and Bogum got married then she will be the co-owner of a high end fashion line. She then knew she couldn't leave Bogum. In fact she fell in love with him, but she was still stuck on Taehyung's dick.

“He thinks I'm at the shop right now. I have a hour.” She says. Taehyung nods taking another hit and then putting the joint out.

“Alright, lets go.” He says standing up. She comes right up to him trying to connect their lips. But he tenses up and doges it.

“You know I only kiss the girl I love.” He whispers, a frown settling on his face.

“I miss your kisses Tae.” Sinsi pouts and tries again, but Taehyung just shoves her down making her laugh as he crawls on top.

Your launch was a success. You've never thought about what the outcome would really be like other than a total fail. You didn't think that two hours into the clothing drop everything would be sold out. Only so much was made, but you of course had more coming. It was only available online, but you soon hoped to have your own stores.

Rowan was currently working on planning a party for you. It was going to be tonight, and instead of thinking about what you will be wearing, you were focused on inviting Taehyung. You go to his instagram page and click on the number options. You knew that it was to make a appointment, but you were lowkey desperate. You couldn't get him out of your mind, and it was your mission to at least kiss him.

“Vante’s Tat Shop, How many I help you today?” A deep voice enters your ear. Your heart started beating really fast when you recognize who it was.

“Taehyung?” You ask, really hoping it was him.

“Um yea, do we have a appointment?” He says confused.

“Uh no actually. This is YN.” You say, “ I was wondering if you wanted to come to my party tonight. I just recently dropped a clothing line, and it did really good, so we are throwing a celebration.” You say quickly. You cross your fingers hoping he would say yes.

“Where is it?” He asks after a slight pause.

“The club two doors down from your shop. I rented it out for the night. I just posted something about it, so it should be like a normal night at the club.” You say over explaining, you were so nervous. You had mixed feelings about this whole situation. You hated the nervous feeling he gave you. You wanted to never talk to him again but yet marry the man.

“Are there free drinks?” He asks after you were done. Actually it wasn't, it was still the bars price.

“For you, sure.” You say. You quickly put the phone on speaker and text Rowan to put him on the list of VIP, which include free drinks. You then take him off and continue speaking.

“I just put you on the VIP list. Come if you want. I'm sure there will be weed as well.” You say. Your heart was beating in your ears. But you felt relief when he spoke.

“I guess it will be a surprise.” He says then he hangs up. To say you were worried was a understatement. But you take a deep breath and focus on getting ready, because you didn't want to focus on him the whole night, just for him not to show up.

You look at the time and see that you have three hours until you had to arrive. You then wondered if he knew what time it started. But then again his shop was only a few doors down, i'm sure he will know.

You quickly got into the shower and you washed your body and brushed your teeth. You got out and put your lotion on. You put on a all black bra and underwear set. Then you braid in some weave to your hair, creating two long braids. You then did your makeup, and put on your outfit.

After you finished getting ready. You take some picture in your full body mirror and you make sure they were cute before posting it to instagram. After you did, you got a text from your driver that he was out front. You quickly put some sneakers on since you were going to a club and you grab your phone and wallet and then you left.

You met up with Rowan at the back entrance. You were immediately taken to the VIP section, it looked over the whole club, giving your perfect view of the DJ, and whoever was performing.

You walked over to the balcony, watching as everyone was dancing to the music, drunk out of their mind. The DJ, did his thing, and started talking.

“And, the amazing YN YLN. Let's give her a loud cheer, congratulating her on her success!” The DJ yells and points up to you causing the crowd to erupt in cheerings, and going even crazier when they seen you. You couldn't really see everyone, but you could tell some of them have some of your clothes on. You wave back down with a huge smile on your face.

You go back into the VIP area and people one by one came up to you, congratulating you and wanting to take pictures. Most likely to post later.

“YN.” Rowan runs over to you. You quickly hug her since this was the first time seeing her tonight.

“Hey, this party is awesome, I'm happy you could get it together in such a short time.” You say looking around. She smiles.

“Yes, I know right. When i mentioned your name to the club owner, they were excited because the knew you would bring customers. There's a huge line outside still.” She says pointing towards the normal club area.

“Are you serious? It's literally packed though.” You say shocked. She laughs.

“Exactly! But anyways, they need you out there.” She says grabbing you hand and pulling you along.

You were so confused until the security guard opened the door and you seen Taehyung standing there with a irritated look on his face.

“What’s wrong?” You look between the security guard that was letting people in and Taehyung.

“I understand that Mr. Kim is on the VIP list, but his other two friends are not.” The guard says. You look back and see Soobin from the shop and other girl behind Taehyung.

“Hi YN! I'm Sinsi, i'm Taes friend.” Her hand slipping into Taehyung's didn't go unnoticed. “I'm a really big fan of yours. When Tae said he was invited to your party, I just had to come.” Her voice was filled with excitement, but you couldn't help but to cringe.

“You just had to, huh?” You ask raising a eyebrow. She looked confused. But Taehyung quickly pulled you to the side.

“Hey, she's just wanting to have a good time. I didn't think it would be a problem.” He shrugs.

“What do you mean not a problem? Do you not see the line outside of the door? The club is packed Taehyung. The VIP are my close friends and the people I work with. A place where we can enjoy ourselves, and walk around without worrying about bumping into someone we don't know. I don't know this girl. That's the problem.” You say crossing your arms.

“You barely know me.” He explains. He was getting more and more annoyed, he should’ve known not to bring Sinsi, but then again he doesn't understand the problem of one person.

“That's different, and you know that. I literally trusted you to put a tattoo of your choice on my body.” You sighed. You weren’t going to get anywhere with him acting like this. “I can get her into the actual club and she can get free drinks.” You turn to walk away, not wanting to ruin any actual chance you had with him with your loud mouth. But he grabs your arm again and pulls you back. He itched his neck and sighed once again.

“Fine, Ill tell her she can't come.” He says and walks away back to his friends. You roll your eyes and watch as Sinsi pulls Taehyung away with Soobin behind.

“Hey Soobin!” Rowan yells out. He stops and looks back. She waves him over and he smiles slightly telling Taehyung something and running up to us.

“Yes?” “Tonight, you are mine!” She giggles and she pulls him inside.

You eventually had few drinks, not really drunk, but buzzed enough to want to dance. It seemed like everyone around you had someone else. Rowan had Soobin, they were now dancing together. Your other friends had their boyfriends or just found someone period.

But you, you sat in a booth, with a glass of brown liquid. You couldn't stop thinking about Taehyung. You wished he was ugly so you wouldn't think of him. But since Sinsi couldn't come in, he wouldn't either. You weren't used to not getting someone you wanted, so now you really wanted him. He clearly knew you wanted him, and he hasn’t completely rejected you, which gave you a little hope.

“Come on, why are you sitting here upset. Let’s dance.” A voice says, your head shoots up to see a good friend.

“Where’s your boyfriend Jinnie.” You smile at him. Kim Seokjin and his boyfriend Kim Namjoon where wonderful makeup artists. They both have worked with you a couple of times.

“He’s at the bar getting us drinks. He told me to come over to get you up and dancing until someone wants to take over. You look distracted, when you shouldn’t be. Come on!” He grabs your hand and pulls you over to where the crowd of dancing bodies were. Right now, the song that was playing was quite a hype one. You both went over and started dancing. You were laughing at how Jin was dancing, it didn't match the beat at all. ��You could feel the alcohol race through your body making it easier to let loose with him.

You heard another song slowly turn on as the one before slowly turned off. Jin laughs it off and he leans into you.

“Stay calm, everything will be okay.” He whispers into your ear then he backs away. You were confused to what he was talking about, until hands came up and around your waist. Your heart started to beat so fast and your hands came up to the strangers. You tried to turn around to see who it was, but his hands turned you back around. You looked down at his hands and you noticed how big and beautiful they were. You know everyone who is in the VIP area, so it wouldn't be a complete stranger, so why not just dance along.

You noticed that the song was Thirsty by Taemin. So you smirked knowing that you were going to torture whoever was behind you. Your hips started moving, you leaned your body into theirs more. They moved their hips more into yours, letting the friction increase. His right hand started getting higher and higher on your body, not bothering to just trail, but to feel every inch until he was reached your neck. You raised your right hand up and wrapped it around his neck. He wrapped his hand around your neck as his other hand pushed your lower abdomen into him as his hip came up and moved against your. He had you caged in, moving your body along with his. His hand around your neck squeezed as he got closer and closer to the side of your head. His hand helped move your head to the side, letting his lips graze your neck. You felt goosebumps raise on the back of your neck.

His left hand wrapped around your whole waist, pulling you closer. As he did, your pushed your ass harder on his, making him tense up a little. He surprises you by biting down on you neck, closer to the meeting of your collar bone. You continue swaying your hips, and pushing your butt into him. His hand tightens even more around your neck, but not actually choking you. You couldn't help but let out a slight moan, near his ear.

Suddenly his hands move and he spins you around, you look up to see who it was. Your breath caught in your throat when you see Taehyung looking down at you. His eyes were low and darker, the horrible lighting in the club not helping much.

He pulls you back into his grasp, the song going hard as it reaches the peak. Your hands wrap around his neck. You bite your lip not sure of what to say or what to think. His eye twitches a little and he looks at if he wanted to say something. But instead he leans in, tucking his head into your neck, making you sway against him. His warmth was all around you, making your body hot. His hands grabbed and kneaded at you, you hoped it meant he never wanted to let go.

You looked down a little and noticed how easily and open his neck was. You didn't know if it was the alcohol running in your body or the heat that is making you extra hot and bothered. Maybe you should’ve thought about it beforehand, but you didn't, you couldn't let this opportunity go.

Your lips latched onto his skin, the spot right between his collarbone and neck. Right where he bite you at. You sucked and nibbled at his skin, only slightly. You felt his hands tighten on your body and you could’ve sworn that you heard a little groan. But before you could confirm it, he yanked himself away.

“Congrats on your line.” He mutters and walks away, leaving you with swollen lips and confused.

Taehyung walked away from you, wanting to go to the bathroom. As soon as he was approaching the door he was pulled back and pushed against the wall.

“Yah!” Jin stood across from Taehyung with his arms crossed and a deep frown settling in his face. Taehyung rolled his eyes, already knowing what was happening.

The other day, after you left, he remembered that Seokjin, his older step brother has worked with you before. He texted him mentioning how you were interested in him. Of course he knew.

He was so used to girls throwing themselves at him, so even though you were quite subtle than most girls, he could still tell.

When you called him, inviting him to your party, Jin was standing right in front of him. Jin of course knew about it from Rowan, so when he found out that you invited Taehyung yourself, he knew that he was going to make Taehyung go. Jin wanted him to tell you congrats himself, to make you happy. He didn't expect you both to be so close.

“What? I said congratulations.” Taehyung sighs and leans against the wall.

“And when was that, when your hand was around her neck, or when you were giving each other hickies?” Jin was surprised that Taehyung even got that close to you, he's only ever had one girlfriend, to whom he was close to. But Jin stopped counted his bodies after it hit ten.

Seokjin was there for Taehyung when Sinsi family found out about how poor they both grew up. He was there when they forced them to break up, he was there when she chose money over him. He was there through everything. So when he was so close to you, someone who wasn't afraid to drop 100k a day, he was nervous. He doesn't want Taehyung to get hurt again. But then again, Jin knew you. He knew you wanted nothing but relationships and that you weren't really into hooking up unless you knew it was going to lead somewhere. He wasn't really sure how Taehyung's closed off personality will clash with your careless and free one. He isn't afraid to admit that he was afraid.

The crazy thing is that Taehyung was afraid. The whole time he was close to you, dancing with you, his heart was beating like crazy. When he hands first came around your waist and he molded himself into you, when he turned you around, when your lips touched his skin...his heart went faster, and faster. But it was when your lips touched and his skin turned into flames was when he was ticked off.

The last time lips made his skin feel the slightest bit hot was with Sinsi. So when he felt like he was standing next to a active hot volcano, just when your lips touched, it triggered him. It closed everything down. He wanted to get away. He didn't get far though, clearly.

“After.” Taehyung says, his smirk that was sitting on his face didn't help Jin much. In fact it worried him.

“Don't mess with her. You treat the girls you hook up with like trash.” Jin says seriously. Taehyung just rolled his eyes. When Seokjin spoke ‘seriously’ to him it always annoyed him. Because that's when he knows he can’t cross him, and that's just Taehyung being his respectful self, to his family.

“Why would I hook up with her, she's not my type.” Taehyung was already bored with this conversation. Only because he knew he messed up by saying that.

“OooOooOohHhhHhh.” Jins faces changed from serious to surprised and in disbelief. He was bent over laughing his ass off as Taehyung stood there, his cheeks burning a little. He put his head down as a couple of people passed by to go to the bathroom, Jin had no problem with laughing still as they passed for a more dramatic effect.

“I remember when we traveled to Europe-” Jin started to say as he calmed down, but Taehyung instantly cut him off by raising his hands up, making Jin start to laugh again. “You seen this women there. It was like you fell in love!” Jin continued.

“Shushh!” Taehyung was trying to cover his mouth up, but Jin was too fast.

“She turned you down and you tried to find her everyday until it was time to leave. You told me she was you dream girl!” Jin couldn't stop. He loved fucking with him.

“Yea?! What's your point?” Taehyung gives up and backs off.

“The point is, that women has the exact same skin tone as YN, the same body type as her. You are attracted to her, don't lie.”

“Okay? Sure i'm attracted to her, but she's a spoiled daddy's girl, and I can't deal with that.” Taehyung was getting irritated again. Now that he actually admitted it, it was weird. He felt weird, and he hated that you already made him feel like this.

“Sure her dad spoils her, but I know her dad. I had to go through him most of the time I've worked with her. He's only that way until someone comes by and takes over.” Seokjin was now leaning against the wall across from Tae.

“I still don't see what you are getting at, I can't spoil her.” Taehyung scoffs.

“Money wise maybe not. But you can spoil her in many other ways. She's not the person to show off her money, she just lives her life. I believe that her personality would be the exact same if she didn't have all of her money, her taste would just be cheaper.”

“So what are you trying to say? You want me to marry her or something?” Taehyung says standing up straight and sticking his hands in his pocket.

“No, I'm just saying that Yn isn't a bad girl. I can tell she likes you, so don't be so rough on her. Try to give her a chance? It will never hurt. You need a girl to make you soft again, I hate this hard ass Tae.” Jin jokes around chuckling making Taehyung roll his eyes once again.

“Whatever.”

___________

Don’t forget to REBLOG or HEART if you enjoyed when you read!

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patheticphallacy · 5 years ago

Text

This is going to be a really difficult introduction to my wrap up.

Unfortunately, on September 18th my dad passed away. He was only 50 years old. I won’t go into details because of how personal it is, but he was in hospital a majority of the month before he passed. I’ve taken a year suspension from University for the time being.

It has been a really difficult time for myself and my family. I’ve turned a lot to books and blogging to offer a way to occupy my mind which is why so many things still seem to be coming out, but I cannot say that this will hold up after the funeral.

As I schedule so many posts, a lot of what came out this month has been written since around mid August and I did not find the time to stop the University posts before they were released. I won’t be deleting them.

I hope you’ll all understand.

THINGS I’VE READ

An Inspector Calls by J.B. Priestley– My sister gave me her copy she used for her GCSE’s. Such a great play with revelation after revelation, left me on the edge of my seat. While I knew the core plot twist, I didn’t predict that ending.

Mob Psycho 100 Volume 1 by One– This was kind of meh. It’s one of my best friend’s favourites, so I’ll carry it on eventually, but I don’t really feel the urge to pick volume two up just yet. I will say I like how the anime tackles the same events in a different order to save major revelations for backstory– that was really interesting to pick up on.

I Call Upon Thee by Ania Ahlborn– I really didn’t like this! Lacklustre and very cliched, feel like it doesn’t really offer anything other than annoying ending and characters who go through absolutely no development at all.

Kissing Tolstoy by Penny Reid– An OK romance that actually has discussions surrounding reading and books that don’t feel forced. I found this easy to read even though I’ve never read any Russian Lit, and I actually want to read it more now. Like that it discusses age gaps and issues of the power dynamic too.

Seven Tears at High Tide by C.B. Lee– Finally finished this one, and it only took me 3 months. A very cute and heartwarming story about a boy who makes a wish and falls in love with a Selkie. Does get ridiculous at the end, I must say, but I was happy with the payoff.

The Tea Dragon Society by Katie O’Neill– Katie O’Neill creates such amazing narratives that have wonderful messages about society and being true to yourself and your wishes, pursuing something that you love and encouraging others to do the same.

Rosemary’s Baby by Ira Levin– How can I ever trust a single man or old person after this book? Tell me.

Please Undo This Hurt by Seth Dickinson– Don’t really rate this short story. It bored me and I hated the main characters, not even in a good way. Just perpetuates the ‘I can save you from your mental illness’ narrative that is dull and overdone by this point.

My Hero Academia Volume 20 by Kohei Horikoshi– Gentle Criminal and La Brava was so boring, the School Festival arc was fabulous, and Endeavor finally got his ass kicked! Yay!

Aphrodite Made Me Do It by Trista Mateer– I have a review of this coming out soon for National Poetry Day in the UK, but if you don’t want to wait, I have a review here!

The Quiet Boy by Nick Antosca– I read this after watching the trailer for Antlers, and I thought it was pretty neat! Very thrilling, although I’m bothered by changes being made in the film that I feel could detract from having Julia as one of the main characters in the film.

I Am Not Your Final Girl by Claire C. Holland– A collection of poetry centring around fictional women from horror films, exploring their empowerment and agency in a genre and a wider culture and society that seems willing to beat them down until they break.

Alice Isn’t Dead by Joseph Fink– I have a review of this linked later this post! Full of body horror and emotional trauma, this is a really solid read great for fans of the podcast and Welcome to Night Vale.

In the Shadow of Spindrift House by Mira Grant– I love this terrible cover! Keep an eye out for my review of this, it’s coming out soon.

The World’s Greatest First Love Volume 1 by Shungiku Nakamura– The publishing elements and the main character were GREAT, but there is prevalent sexual assault in this that is never addressed and is incredibly insensitive in its treatment, so I don’t recommend this manga.

Dead Voices by Katherine Arden– I didn’t enjoy this one as much as Small Spaces, but it’s still really freaky and a great middle grade read. I love that Coco gets her own POV in this, too, and that it doesn’t take stereotypical routes with some of its plotlines.

No One Is Too Small To Make a Difference by Greta Thunberg– This is a collection of speeches Greta Thunberg has made addressing climate change, as well as her own position as an advocate for the cause. Moving and a must read, in my opinion. It’s only £3 in Waterstones at the moment for anyone who wants to pick it up!

Zen in the Art of Writing by Ray Bradbury– A fascinating collection of essays written by Bradbury about his writing process and some of the more popular works he’s published. I honestly felt really inspired and motivated after reading this, I highly recommend it especially for creative writers, but just be warned it is very oriented around the white male experience.

Heartstopper Volume 2 by Alice Oseman– I adore Heartstopper and I love this second volume. Great progression in the relationship between Nick and Charlie, and we’re getting to see more outside of their relationship and into their friendships and family dynamics, too. I still love Tori Spring!

The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle– Finally got a hold of the MASSIVE audiobook where Stephen Fry narrates all the Holmes stories, and it honestly made the experience so much more enjoyable. I think Doyle’s skill lies more in shorter fiction than longer fiction, I think there’s less opportunity for… not useless, per se, just unneeded waffling.

Giant Days Volume 9 and 10 by John Allison– These two volumes take place around the tailend of the girl’s second years and follows their accommodation location, the progression (and breakdown) of relationships, and them finally making it to third year intact. I honestly can’t believe there’s only three or four volumes left in this series, its been a constant companion for me since 2016 when I first started and I really don’t want to let it go.

No Touching At All and Even So, I Will Love You Tenderly by Kou Yoneda– Of the ‘older’ manga I’ve read that focus on the relationships between two men, these two are definitely in the ‘recommend’ pile. Other than the beautiful names for the volumes and the artwork being really pretty, I really enjoyed the developing relationships and the conversations had about workplace homophobia and ostracization in Japan, although that wasn’t the main focus. They do include some questionable attitudes towards identification of sexuality– two characters in both volumes are probably bisexual or on that spectrum, but are referred to as straight more than once for liking women and only the man they enter the relationship with. It’s complicated, but nothing in either volumes ever feels targeted or hateful, just lacking education on the nuances of sexuality.

Articles

I found this article about Friends great as it breaks down issues I’ve had with the show for years. I don’t have a lot of attachment to it, honestly, I mostly just put it on in the background, but I think I’ll stop now. I’ve always found the handling of gender and sexuality damaging in Friends, as well as the overwhelming fatphobia.

I really enjoyed looking through this list The Guardian did of the 100 best books of the 21st century. I don’t know why, I’m just a big fan of lists!

Before reading this article, I can honestly tell you I knew nothing about Susan Sontag beyond her name. It’s deconstructing her queerness and how her aversion to accepting her own sexuality ultimately ruled a lot of the work she produced in her life.

God, this article was fascinating. I can’t even tell you what it’s about, really, other than that it’s an interview with Christeene, a punk drag artist who is just really cool, honestly. There are some buttholes for anyone who… wants to avoid butts? Or reading this at work?

There was a massive conversation in August that carried into September regarding the rise in men adopting pseudonyms to get their thriller novels published. This Atlantic article particularly captured the issues I have with men who do this, who are almost trying to fool an audience of women who trust women writers to not approach the suffering of women through a misogynistic lens, as is so common in modern society.

An older article by The New Inquiry, Coming out of the Coffin offers an insight into the fraught relationship between Bram Stoker and Oscar Wilde. A really interesting read, I’m just sad I discovered it 7 years after its release!

THINGS I WATCHED

I don’t do music sections on these wrap ups anymore, so I’ll put this here: the GRAACE cover of ‘Complicated’ by Avril Lavigne completely transforms the song and adds such an amazing depth to it

I decided to binge watch Fleabag and it’s most definitely the best decision I’ve made all year. Fleabag follows the titular woman as she navigates her life as a thirty year old woman whose entire life is in flux, and has been since the death of her mother. There’s a lot I could say about this show, honestly. What really stood out to me was how much I could relate specifically to the emotions Fleabag and her older sister Claire feel in relation to each other, and their grief. Seeing them still come back together even after such a significant loss, their dependency, really gives me strength to get through what I’m experiencing at the moment, so Fleabag has been something I can relate to and look at as hope for a future where I can begin to wrap my head around the terrible things going on around me.

THINGS I POSTED

August Wrap Up

TTT: Books Outside My Comfort Zone

50 Bookish Questions Tag

Music I Enjoyed This Summer

Connie’s Personal 101 Guide For Personal Survival of University

Bookshelf Tour Part 3: TBR & More Manga/Comics

Book Review: I Call Upon Thee by Ania Ahlborn

TTT: Books on my Fall TBR

Book Review: Alice Isn’t Dead by Joseph Fink

Bookshelf Tour Part 4: CDs&DVDs

If you liked this post, consider buying me a coffee? Ko-Fi.

Goodreads|Twitter|Instagram|Letterboxd

September Wrap Up This is going to be a really difficult introduction to my wrap up. Unfortunately, on September 18th my dad passed away.

#2019 #articles #book review #film #music #reading wrap up #tv

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