#or when i'm out of my art hole
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Tag Game
I was tagged by @ineadhyn. tysm for tagging me <3
Tagging: @justabiteofspite, @cleric4vampire, and any other moots who wanna do it. Tag me so I can see! Also would be cool to do for your Durge/Tav
Use this order and insert images according to how you view yourself!
1. Animal— Bats
2. Place— Some creepy mansion that is brightly colored, but no less foreboding. You can hear me wailing while I suffer through the creative process and sometimes people think I'm a ghost sobbing in the window when the midday malaise and melancholy hit me.
3. Plant— Peach Blossoms
4. Character— Harley Quinn
5. Season— Spring
6. Hobby — Art, but like multiple mediums and types
7. Colour— Pink
8. Crystal— Amethyst
9. Food— Pistachios
#bat rambles#about bat#i'm so sorry i'm slow to do tag games#i promise i do them i just save them for when my brain fog isn't bad#or when i'm out of my art hole#also re: harley i've been cosplaying exclusively her since 2020 and bg3 is the first thing to make me wanna cosplay not her in a while#but people irl associate me with her real hard i keep being asked when i'll do my harley burlesque routine#the answer is hopefully march or april#i also have some of her tattoos from the film on my leggies#it's how you can tell which HQ is me when I cosplay TAS Harley
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jesus christ, doc, i thought you were a goner! warn a guy next time, will ya? jesus christ, doc. jesus christ
bonus doodle post-extra-long-hug:
(listen im a sucker for the forehead kisses alright. whenever it happens in a fic i eat that shit UP. it's the cutest thing ever idc)
#back to the future#bttf#bttf fanart#marty mcfly#doc brown#emmett brown#happy bttf day! good thing i fell into the hyperfixation hole before the crash course of dates here in oct-nov instead of after#otherwise i'd have to wait a whole year! anyways#THEY SHOULDVE HUGGED IN THIS SCENE ARGJARHGARHAJ#they totally did guys trust me they totally did.#honestly i love how everyone agrees yeah they hugged immediately after the scene cut we just didn't see it#bc it is real. and true. canon even!#they should've hugged at the end of part 3 also but i digress#im so happy im an artist guys i can draw whatever the hell i want. i can will scenes that should've happened into existence#see what happens when i really try? see what happens when i give it my all? /ref#this turned out soo well i'm very happy with it. at the same time i can totally see it being one of those pieces where you look back in a#year or two and go damn why that limb at that angle#the tool belt is not accurate at all i just couldn't be bothered. drew a “placeholder” thing for it before looking at refs and got lazy#kit does an art#tag as ship and it's your knees
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For Requestober, Req.1
Scri dressed as an angel, Edgar dressed as a demon. It would be fun to see the roles swaped regarding costumes!
Day 3 - Angel and Devil('s Advocate)
#My art#Requestober#Vargas#Scriabin#Edgar#Man! I tried not to shade this! And then my hand and eye mutinied against me and it ended up like this#It does look really nice like I'm really happy with it but hweh#I'd say I was trying to simplify so I can knock multiple out at once but a) I completely changed the poses during the sketch#Which I mean it's already a little on the complex side with them in costumes lol#And b) I ended up knocking another out the same day anyway so uhhhh it's fine I guess lol#Their couch really only comes in Loveseat and Extra Wide flavours depending on the day lol#Continuing the trend of them getting ready at home rather than actually being out during Trick or Treat#Even that one kid Trick or Treat was in the dreamscape! Will they ever leave the apartment! Lol#Another one of Scriabin's couple costume ideas again as well when will he stop complaining about his own choices lol#Never! He loves it! Haha#The halo is tucked into the braid in his hair - I've seen the headband version but they're ugly :P Lol#So basketball hoop design it is lol at least it's not a shower curtain haha#His wings' elastic arm bands are under his shawl - Edgar's helping him cover everything seamlessly#Not so lucky with his own costume! Hehe ''I'm not cutting holes in a perfectly good jacket for a costume'' ''Boooo'' lol#At least the tail is hooked to his belt so that's hidden! He gets the headband horns tho lol - they'd be cute as barrettes too hehe <3#Scriabin's going to be asking to switch halfway through the night after he trips on his gown for the fifth time haha#Did Edgar have the forethought to pack a change of clothes for him into his briefcase??#Probably has an emergency health kit and lets Todd (and Scriabin) borrow it for extra candy space haha#He gets to carry candy too <3 Involved ♪
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playlist or no playlist I am losing my fucking mind, by the time I get my shit together and start feeling a tiny bit alright the sun starts going down and I am plunged into despair (and this is despite living in MEXICO)
#flashbacks to the utter irrational despair of a providence winter#this is nothing in comparison but#at least I had my housemates and campus and an art building or a library to go to and work even in the snowy dead of night#now it is me just me in my apartment with my post-pandemic agoraphobia and ghost of a social life and heartache#vacillating over whether or not to get my ass out of the house and go to a café to sit alone and work as if this were an actual problem#the actual problem is that I have been on the verge of an anxiety attack at all times and that is still not an actual problem#but I am struggling to focus and struggling to get anything done at all and there are so goddamn many things to get done#and I spent yesterday reading a pop neuroscience self-help book and taking notes like a maniac instead of working & now the sunday scaries#absolute dysfunction#nightmares every time I go to sleep#I am back to meditating and exercising and doing fucking affirmations and going to therapy and it helps it does but it's not enough#all of this awful shit from the past 10 years just flooding my subconscious day and night#and even just getting back into this thesis means facing the reasons I put it on hold in the first place and those were fucking dark days#just want to have a properly good day#just want to get this thing done and be able to focus on getting more paid work and get myself out of this hole#just need to get my entire fucking life together it's no big deal#just having a minor meltdown in the tags it's fine#it's just since the breakup & since the girls visited & for two brief moments I didn't feel alone – everything is hitting me inside and out#and it feels like I have no right to be this much of a mess when things could be so much worse on so many levels#when it comes down to it even with everything that's happened I still know I'm lucky – I'm alive I'm here I'm technically okay#and nevertheless
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i completely forgot whether i actually sent these to you so my apolocheese if you're getting jumpscared by these again,.,,, Conky featured in random daily doodles
"I'd never kill you Buggsy! Why would I do that? We're friends!"
"You're so silly, Bug. These are going on the fridge!"
*sticks your drawings on my disgusting rusty refrigerator with letter magnets, a B and a C to represent our friendship*
*moves in for a hug, reeking of something between burnt hair and blue chemical toilet, various foul oozes smeared across my body*
#eeeaaghghhhh art art art!!#sorry I replied a day late I was just like aaaaaaaa omggggg#conky + bug 4evaaa#we havin a girls night out (except neither of us are girls)#omg bugbug I gotta take you to my fave restaurant tonight the chemical plant dumps barrels of yummy soup in this one hole it's so great#just... eeeeee! they're friends! horrible freak pals forever and ever#(definitely not one-sided at all)#(bug definitely does NOT keep installing stronger and stronger locks)#(haha just try buying more cameras bitch they go all staticky when I walk by)#agjgjnknnmhhgggg I'm losign my mind omggggg art! art! you drew them!!! togethers!!!#I could pledge my life to you rn that's the level of happy#oh I guess this is conky lore#conky lore#ugh I gotta stop adding tags but buuuuug and conky bug and conky bug and conky#conky n bugggg
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have you listened to the magnus archives? i feel it would interest you, specially The Flesh and The Corruption.
i have :D and you're right i am very big flesh and corruption enjoyer !!
i even made some art inspired by it a while ago :)
#i love love love when people recommend me stuff based on my art#or tag media it made them think of#even though in this case i knew of it#it's like getting a polite letter informing me of the existence of numerous holes that are made for me#and almost every time i check it out and i'm just#whoah this has changed me. time to get even weirder with it#so uh . Thanks 👍
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again and again i find myself lamenting that audio roleplay isn't taken more seriously by some people. like yeah, they often have a romantic element, and by nature they usually directly involve/address the listener- and i totally get that those things aren't to everyone's taste. no art or entertainment is universally appealing, and that's okay! but.. it still makes me a lil sad that the "cringe" reputation of asmr/audio rp precedes it. there's a whole lot of talent and creativity being poured into these audios by so many people that i feel goes unrecognized and/or disrespected simply due to the medium that the stories are being told through.
#this post brought to you by: me bingeing Sam & Darlin's entire storyline over the past few days and having a Lot of feelings abt it#asmr#audio roleplay#rp audio stuff#redacted audio#anyways i don't have a conclusion to this post. and i'm not Mad or Upset or anything i'm just thinkin' out loud#and i mean it's not like it doesn't get plenty of praise within its respective audience bc it does. at least for the more popular creators#but i feel it'll still always have the shadow of its cringe reputation looming over it#which makes it hard for some ppl to openly appreciate or share with others that aren't already fans of the medium#like do u know how many comments i've seen along the lines of 'this is great but i'd die if anyone knew i liked this kinda stuff' ?? :(#idk maybe i feel strongly about it bc i'm a self-insert fanfic writer. and i feel like the two have a lot in common. including a bad rep.#like. not every audio will be well-written or produced and neither will every fanfic. but that doesn't mean it's a less legitimate artform#and i'm lucky to have never (yet) received negative comments on my work. but that doesn't mean that it doesn't make me sigh when people-#-say shit like 'this reads like fanfiction' as a way of calling something bad. or other similar sentiments that make the same implication#and i wouldn't be surprised if audio creators feel the same way when they encounter certain comments or statements#like. those YT videos where ppl will 'try bf asmr for the first time' or whatever and it's just 20 mins of cringing and over-reacting? eugh#tbf i haven't watched many bc why do that to myself. so Maybe there's some that are respectful but still. imagine getting roasted like that#and yes yes i know that by posting stuff online you're inadvertently sighing up to be criticized by Anyone but still. man. i dunno#i'm going on a tangent but my point is. i'm grateful for the creators that still make their art in spite of the public's perception of it#bc some of the most impactful emotional experiences i've ever gained from fiction took place in audio rp and i'm so serious abt that.#anyways. this post almost feels like i'm 'making up a person to be mad at' but i promise it's not that serious i'm just yapping. mostly.#certainly not trying to start any kind of debate or anything either i just have a lot of fixation-induced energy and nowhere to put it#this is Eric's fault (/lh) for cooking Sam up in a lab catered exactly to my taste and making Darlin' waaaaay too painfully relatable#but it's also My fault for bingeing the Inversion /and/ the Quinn arc /and/ the Summit all within a couple days. but i can't help myself#feels like i've run an emotional marathon. triathlon. The Emotional Olympics if u will. i'm feeling Everything#who knew that beating the shit out of ur fictional abuser could feel so goddamn cathartic! it's a nice replacement when u can't do it irl#anyways i'm off on a tangent again. thanks for coming to my TED Talk i'm gonna crawl back in my hole now#actually i'm gonna go relisten to a few audios. as Research for my Sam & Darlin' playlist as well as a post i'll be making about it soon#u Know i've got it bad when i not only make a playlist but start Posting on here about the songs that remind me of them. i'm cooked guys.
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man. I've been reworking a lot of content involving Act II of Home Is Where You Are and like. ugh. it'd work so freaking well in novel form but I just Do Not have the dedication or the drive to start from scratch and rewrite everything that happens.
idk how else to share the updated version of that part of the story with y'all tho, considering that Khalan's journal is insanely outdated now and isn't entirely canon anymore, so I'll probably just have to accept that I likely won't ever be able to update the story for y'all in the way I wish I could. >n<;;
#spectre says#text post#delete later probably#tbh i'm so tired of being tired#i've had like. no energy to write or draw#even tho. the ideas are there. i've got so many concepts going through my head that i could work on and turn into some kind of tangible art#i tried writing out a new outline for act ii but i got overwhelmed with all the changes and plot holes that still need working out#so idk if i'll even continue with that#even tho it's just bullet points#fhgdjkfg#anyway#the idea of writing everything in novel form just sounds like. SO perfect for the story as it is now#i'd love. to establish both khalan and antony as main characters and focus on what happens to both of them while in Atria#eventually having their stories collide when antony's side of things merges with what's going on with khalan and aya#it'd feel less jarring than how it worked out in the journal#because this part of the story is just as much antony's story as it is khalan and aya's#and he's ultimately the one who fixes things and has 'main character energy' by the end of that act#so establishing him as one of the tertiary main characters early on makes sense i think#but yeah. there's just a lot i'd need to do and i know i wouldn't be able to keep up with it if i did try to start writing.#IM JUST RAMBLING NOW IM SORYO#it's just been on the brain i guess
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So I made a little something ouo
#i wasn't feeling very confident in my use of color so i wanted to experiment#tweaked the color palette and tried to emulate that really pretty effect when everything turns blue at night#i picture her reaching her hand out to the moonlight streaming through an open window or a hole in the ceiling#and there's a draft tousling her hair a little#which probably doesn't make sense in-universe what with the last sunset and all#but it's late and i'm just proud of the pretty thing i made ouo#okae goodnight everyoneeee#ball artic#lerkimpails#my art#my nonsense
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I don't think this is Moe's first offense (saying something brazen/flippant) but I do think it's the first time it's called the King a bitch. And it won't be the last! The funniest part of Anna being the one to take charge and chew Moe out is that it gives Moe the opportunity to do The Exact Same Thing to Alfonse one-on-one (you know... to test the waters... to see how he feels about it....). Which it is. Also promptly chastised for.
FAVE PANELS...
#fire emblem#feh#moe really is. a type of guy. it immediately gets scared when anna first corrects it. so what does it do? dig the hole deeper. double down.#THAT REALLY IS MOE'S BRAVE FACE.... playing dumb or getting oppositional. sometimes both.#but it is NOT confrontational... epitome of i'm just a little birthday boy. EXTREMELY annoying type of guy LMFAOOO#i feel like anna has been v patient w moe up until this point. like this has to be a three strikes you're OUT situation.#and both alfonse/sharena have been such hard working straight and narrow types that. they have never seen anna like that.#I REALLY THINK. it's like. anna is The Literal Commander Of A Military Unit and also given her background#more or less she could have been killed for having an attitude like that. hypothetically. we don't know her background. BUT THEORETICALLY..#i like to imagine it does come from a place of that though.#also moe may be an authority hating shithead but it does VERY quickly come to respect anna actually.#you have to Earn it. be Worthy of it. it sees that anna is extremely capable and skilled and fair. it respects that.#so like... i think it genuinely doesn't want to upset or disappoint her. however... it does have ... moe tendencies.#anyways even though i'm in between a dozen things i just had to draw this out and i'm so happy i did tbh#i don't really know how anna feels about moe. but it IS extremely funny to imagine moe is just torn asunder by her at one point#AND. IT FULLY DESERVED IT. it is taking the L here.#ALSO THE FACT THAT ALFONSE IS PISSED TOO. IT'S SO FUNNY TO ME. moe you just fucked up big time#IT WAS TRYING. TO BE NICE. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#fe alfonse#sharena#fe anna#moe tag#summoner oc#my art#my comics#also that is. a whole other comic. moe committing the offense again and getting sternly corrected#until it's like ooooohhh. wait. you actually respect your dad... okay. um. let me think of something else to say#LMFAOOO... i think third time's a charm. it doesn't dare say that to sharena. what if she cries. moe is also gonna cry. and thrup
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#new hyperfixation just dropped#ugh insane over these dues#been playing for a few weeks but that does not mean I've made any progress!!!!#I love gay ass bitches#yeah. yeah ok.#Shoutout to my dad for being so nice to me even when I'm having the worst gameplay ever#he just like. sighs at me#re4r#leon s kennedy#luis serra#ashley graham#they're the trio ever to me tbh. I loveee found family#ig krauser is here too#and sherry. but whatever#serennedy#techincally#idk if any of these doodles count but just know they're real in my heart#you can totally tell my art style is sooo consistent right guys#im going to go pass out in a hole. yeah.#sorry for only posting two things about rainworld if you followed me for that#dayza drawings
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Replayed Modern Warfare 3 2011 on Veteran tonight and goooooooood night. Blood Brothers never gets any easier to watch no matter how many times you've done it and the ending really never misses huh
I apologize for the amount of yapping in the tags I reread it all on mobile and started giggling because it went on for so long but eh. Blessed are those who won't shut the freak up and all that
#call of duty#modern warfare 3 2011#i just. wow. wow wow wow wow wow#i've played these three games so many times over the last several years and i just.#they literally. never get old.#loose ends and blood brothers will never not make me cry and endgame and dust to dust will never not make me smile so hard#ending it with price smoking the cigar like he did in the first mission in the first game wHEN HE FIRST MET SOAP JUST UGHHHHHH.#i know y'all don't care but i don't care that y'all don't care i could literally yap about this until i shrivel up and die#i have never ever ever in my LIFE seen poetic justice played out so beautifully like it is at the very end#JUST. WOW. WOW WOW WOW WOW WOW WOW WOW WOW WOW. WOW WOW. WOW#they do not frickin make games like that anymore DADGUM#i also forgot how frickin sad down the rabbit hole is?? like jeez louise they didn't have much screen time but gosh#i also have never in my life heard such gut-wrenching anguish from a grown man in my life like price in that one scene#I KNOW Y'ALL KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT THAT MAN MAKES ME FULL ON S O B IN THAT PART HE HAD NO BUSINESS#anyway i'll keep cutely living in denial and pretending literally any of the main characters besides price and nikolai are fine <3#foley and dunn and their team seemed just fine at the end of modern warfare 2 so i will accept that small mercy#at this point these games have taken everything else i love away from me so#y'all probably think i'm wild for how insane i get over these games but the nostalgia bit is a big part of it as well#like they're honestly in my opinion genuinely the greatest video games of all time#but the fact that i have that connection with my dad makes it so special#crazy cause he said he also cried in blood brothers and my dad is 54 and i have seen him cry one (1) other time in my entire life#heck infinity ward but also bless them i hope the devs live long beautiful wonderful prosperous delightful exciting fulfilling lives#Lord bless them and their entire bloodline for the contributions they have made to humanity not even joking#AND DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THE FREAKING SOUNDTRACKS DO NOT GO THERE OAUSYDJAKAKDN#MW2 AND MW3 CREDITS. EXTRACTION POINT. COUP DE GRACE. RETREAT AND REVEILLE. CONTINGENCY. PARIS SIEGE. PRAGUE HOSTILITIES. RUSSIAN WARFARE.#UGHHHHHHHGHHHH everything about these games is so unbelievably perfect and immaculate#i have got to get over my art block NOWWWWWWWWWW#makarov is also the best villain i've ever seen idc bro he's frickin awesome#i mean obviously he's horrible and a disgustingly evil human being but as a character he's stupidly well-written
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just ended up sending in feedback about the layout to support. But I have to say it here too, this new layout is such a pain in the ass to figure out. I hated twitter's layout for the same reason, its so annoying to use and everything feels so cluttered and squished in and distracting... it's actually headache inducing.
I really wish I had the option to switch back. I wish there was an option to CHOOSE between the two layouts. I wish I had the choice to opt out of "testing" this thing.
"If it ain't broke, don't fix it" really should have been brought up before they even tried making this. It was fine before, and now the new layout is completely different and frustrating when it didn't need to be.
If I wanted Twitter's layout, I would have just fucking gone to Twitter.
#tumblr update#tumblr upd8#new layout#i'm so frustrated#i didn't want this at all#this was the last website I actually felt like I could navigate#youtube has become annoying to use#twitter is atrocious#i don't want to touch facebook with a 40 foot pole#instagram seems like a pain in the ass#it's slowly looking like I should just cut the line and quit using the internet altogether#but i'd lose all my opportunities to actually have a social life#and i wouldn't be able to share my art#but AI is ruining that too#and my social situation is such a complicated fucking mess#Like I want to reach out to some of my old IRLs but I don't know what they think of me or if they even want to hear from me#I deleted my discord without warning in 2020 and I feel guilty about it. And some awful shit was happening and I should have talked to them#idk. sorry for the dump. might delete the more personal tags later#it's just depressing seeing everything fall apart like this when I already feel like I have too many holes in myself to patch#or maybe this is just what my 20s are gonna be like. I hope not.
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adventurous things this week
#my art#beecat (that's me)#been playing a ton of happy home paradise... i didn't buy it when it came out but found out last week that it's free w/ the online thing#i didn't do any acnhposting here on tungle back when it came out but u can trust that my island is fantastic#i invited raymond to the HHP island and i honest to god nearly screamed with joy at his design prompt. this is my hole etc#the clutch is mostly a joke i don't do that when sewing unless i'm super lost in the sauce#did stomp on the brake in a loaner car by accident last month tho#also cut 139 strips for this quilt today. i need to assemble another gd section to subcut bc the usable width of the fabric was just enough#-to shortchange me. woe damnation misery etc etc
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Drawing Joost for college but not being able to share the drawings on Tumblr
#I wanna share but at the same time I'm trying to keep my mutuals from my main from finding out my blog#And though I haven't shared my art here on Tumblr my moots have seen my art on Discord#So I'm scared they might recognize 🥴#This assignment is really cool#We're doing posters of modern music videos stylized into german expressionism#This is the reason why I fell down the Joost Klein rabbit hole to begin with LMAO#(is doing her project based off the Europapa MV)#I wanted to see what tf happened with Netherlands this year's Eurovision basically since I didn't watch it#The rest is history ofc#Man I wonder what would've been of me if I chose another music video instead#I was this close to choosing Taylor Swift lmao#I wanna share my poster with Joost when I'm finished with it so maybe then#Though there's SO MUCH to the creative process and composition of it I wanna share EVERYTHING omg#I need to draw 6 poster proposals for the song based off the music video HOW DO YOU NOT EXPECT ME TO NOT WANT TO SHARE#So far drawing Joost has been Serotonin Inducing 📈📈📈#10/10 I recommend it to all artists that are looking for free therapy#Oh wow I rambled a lot oops sorry#If you've read all the tags thanks a lot you're a homie 🫡#Not Joostposting
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[Coping with Loneliness and Cracks in Control]
Ah, it’s happening again. This irritating habit of leaving the body alone But there’s no one here either. It’s youyouyou no matter how much you call. (so cavernous it echoes) so stop doing it Your mind has been cracked open over and over again with every repair the damage worsens how long? “Tuvok, how do you do it?” desperately. The Vulcan mind is a fascinating thing. Mysterious. Resilient. Much like the Vulcan people - it can survive much worse than this. “Give me all you’ve got!” because I’m empty empty empty desperately. Meditate. Sort it out. Hm? Isn’t this too much for less than half a person? I can’t live like this. What other choice do you have? [A Mind Meld - Desperately]
#Tuvok#my writing#bea art tag#-guy who's about to say some wild bullshit-.........so hear me out#Vulcans are born with bonds. They're bonded with their parents who in turn have their own bonds and it reaches back as long as Vulcans have#existed - they're a culture of bonds and telepathy who derive affection and comfort and peace THROUGH this bonds#(evidenced by the 'flame' of pon farr being 'put out' through bonding with another Vulcan)#I'm sure a great amount of control and satisfaction is derived through them. Also as I've stated before Tuvok & T'Pel consider themselves as#part of one another in a more extreme way than human romantic partners (two bodies one mind)#so when Tuvok is thrown into the delta quadrant he loses all of these bonds ('They are a part of me and I feel incomplete without them') <-#to me 'incomplete' here isn't an emotion like a human would experience it but like...literally if someone took half your brain and shot four#holes in what was left of it. If you've operated 60 something years thinking in tandem with another person then losing them would be losing#a great deal of yourself. And it's not like Tuvok has other bonds to fall on like he might on Vulcan if this occured - he's got NO ONE#he has humans and other aliens surrounding him but they aren't Vulcan and he doesn't bond with any of them telepathically but you know what#he does do?? like a notable amount?? mind melds#and also have his brain invaded by forces he didn't consent to#this combination makes me think about Tuvok who is so desperately lonely and also afraid - the first Vulcan without bonds - making it all up#as he goes along bc he has to (everyone has to) and bc he has no one he can confide in that would understand or really be able to help him#in tandem afraid of his mind being out of his control and wanting himself to feel whole again even if only momentarily - even he's#attatching himself to someone who will only worsen his mental strain (bc he has no excuse to mind meld with someone who's healthy - though#it would be beneficial to him as we see that's a treatment to trauma canonically)#Tuvok (suffering from tremendous alien forms of trauma that he keeps exposing himself to voluntarily in a move that is all at once#self-soothing and self harm): I do not require assistance. I am Vulcan.#If the writer's aren't going to explore Tuvok's inner world then listen. LISTEN. /I AM!!!!!!/#I'M GONNA DO IT EVEN IF IT MAKES ME LOOK STUPID#I hope any of this made sense#st voyager#st voyager art#Tuvok art#comix
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