#or to go on antidepressants. girl I’m already on 2

[doctormage]

I love that every single month I experience 6 entire days that are just

no matter what I do or don’t do before or during. and then I have to just sit around waiting for it to come again in 3 weeks. like what if I just walked into traffic actually

[ibeblizzard12]

…….……🐾🦴🖤🎀🖤🦴🐾………….

Haiii I’m Nyx!! I’m an edblr!! She/they(anything workz but they/them is preferred but idc tbh), intp/intj, in high school(my age is one of these: 14, 15, or 16),pro recovery, not pro ana, caffeine addicted virgin, aroace but idm flirting for funz, MINOR!!!, very mentally ell, not much trauma tbh, hello kitty/sanrio obsession, junkorexic, cutecore/cutegore/2020 e kid, minor aspirin addiction, insomniac, biological girl(I identify as one as well), cat person, sh, multiple mental illnesses, luvz video games like dti omori ddlc yanderesimulator sims4, usually stayz up untilz 2-5am, probably anemic, likes 2 drawz, likes 2 smoke and do drugs(usually snorts em), been in mental hospitals before, I’ve tried to kms once or twice lol, needz 24/7 distraction so I don’t think about kms, ed is a copping mechanism for meh, on antidepressants, tried therapy before doesn’t work for for meh tho cuz imz a minor, very few safe foodz, very picky, multiple personalities, brunette, youngest child, underweight, hates physical touch, always eepy, hates myself :P

I AM NOT PRO ANA IM AM FUCKING PRO RECOVERY SO DONT FUCKING REPORT MEH THIS IS MY DAMN SAFE PLACE AND MY ONLINE DIARY I AM NOT TRYING TRIGGER ANYONE U ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR UR OWN TRIGGERS JUST LET ME HAVE THIS BLOG I AM VERY MENTALLY UNSTABLE AND THIS BLOG IS A WAY TO DISTRACT ME FROM MY SUI IDEATION MY MOOTS ARE ONE OF THE REASONS I HAVENT KMS YET PLZ JUST LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE AND JUST BLOCK ME NO REPORTING IS NOT GOING MAKE ME RECOVER THE MORE I GET REPORTED THE MORE DEPRESSED I GET MY ED IS MY COOPING MECHANISM I KNOW ITS NOT A GOOD ONE I AM FULLY AWARE THE DANGERS OF AN ED BUT IM JUST GONNA KMS IF U KEEP REPORTING ME SO YOULL BE THE REASON I FUCKING DIE🖕

DNI-

homophobics/transphobics, misogynists, people who have mdni in their bio, under 13, 27+, creeps, pro ana people(but if ur not gonna comment anything pro ana on my posts then idm), pedifles, people in recovery(but if we’re already mootz then can still interact just not on my blog or just block the tags that ur recovering fromz), non mentally ell blogs, men if their over 21, gen alphas(I don’t count 13/14ys), people w fat or skinny or sh fetishes, people who want report meh or my mootz

(Keep reading if u wannaz know more about meh)

DIAGNOSED W-

anorexia, depression, adhd, anxiety, minor autism, minor ocd, sui ideation, arfid, bipolar 2

NOT DIAGNOSED BUT I MIGHT/PROBABLY HAVE-

bulimia(100% sure I have it(kinda trying to recover fromz it tho), aspd(psychopath), DID

RANDOM MENTALLY ILLNESS SHIT ABOUT MEH-

convinced that their are multiple eyes always watching me idm why and I always draw them for some reason I feel that always watching me especially at nightz their in the wallz and in the my bl00d and my tears, since I was 9 would pretend to have an audience(like I was a YouTuber or smt) and I would talk to the audience but eventually the audience became an imaginary person/personality that I talk/think to(probably cuz I’m lonely) when ever I do something I think smt like, “we need to do blah blah blah.” I can’t stop myself from thinking we instead of I and idk if it’s normal, my eds are cooping mechanism except arfid I’ve that since was two after I choked on a certain food I would always(unintentionally) puke if my parents would try to make me eat a food I didn’t like even at the sight or smell of it so know I always think of certain foodz and meat/eggs/seafood especially w the fear that I’m just gonna puke it so I’m naturally VERY picky for the longest time I would literally only eat angle hair pasta w ketchup idc if u think itz gross it was my safe food rn my main safe food is energy drinks but I can’t have that all the timez, I have social anxiety and used to get panic attacks when I was in crowds it’s a bit better now tho, ive tried to kms before(was gonna hang myselfz) but I managed to stopz myself(it was really hard),  I’m actually quite manipulative when I want 2 be lmao, moody teenager, I have to be awake at night and keep myself distracted so thatz that thoughtz(sui stuff the eyes ect) can’t torment me so I try to stay awake until I’m too tired 2 keepz thinking

I’m am pro recovery I am not pro ana plz just leave me alone on this I’m not fat phobic I try not 2 be but keep in mind I don’t have a conscience, I really don’t care if ur fat I just have bad experiences w them cuz when I first lost weight I would constantly get skinny shamed even tho I was a perfectly healthy weight and it really got to me and contributed to meh ed cuz eventually I started seeing it as praise when people would comment on meh losing weight and now I get really anxious and sui if some doesn’t say I’m skinny tho if they say it in a mean way than I’ll get offended I get that it was out of concern and jealousy but it no one had commented on my body I would probably not have an ed rn and I would’ve watched wut I ate but not in an obsessive way. But seriously I really don’t mind if ur fat just don’t be mean to be about it just cuz I’m skinnier than u. 

Things I really likez-

video games, sleeping, watching YouTube and anime, chainsaw man, solo leveling, insatiable, arcane, death note, future diaries(tho the ending sucked), maduca magica pullea smt(I’m not gonna bother trying to write or even remember the whole name💀u get the jist of it if ya know the anime that I’m talking aboutz), I like cute things w a creepy twist(cutegore), I like cutecore and 2020 e kid fashion(I also like other alternative styles but those are the ones I likez most(pretty sure cutecore isn’t alt but wut ever), drawing, creepy eyes that are alwayz watchingz meh, hello kitty/sanrio, those alt spiky collar/bracelet thingyz, plushies, catz, dress to impress, makeup, dressing up, anime hair, knifes, bl00dz, aspirin, melatonin, bupropion, getting high, cigarettez, ultra monsters(my current fav flavor is the sugar free peach one), my room, cutecore rooms, decorating my room, going to da mall!!, waterrrr, Diet Coke, cucumbers, st4rving myselfz dont ask.

[whipple-effect]

Turning the Page on 2023

Its been a while since my last update. Some of that has been enjoying the holidays, most of it was me a 5 week leadership course that put me through my paces. Nonetheless, I’m here to reflect on 2023, and let you know what awaits me in 2024.

While the year started off a bit rough, I was finally put back on antidepressants, and those have been a great help. Despite my struggles with maintaining sobriety and a healthy weight, I managed to get above a 90 on my Air Force PTtest for the first time in 2 years.

Looking back at the work, I produced, I’m genuinely surprised at the work I was able to put out. I was able to put my photography, videography, and After Effects skills to the test, and made some great work. I returned to Patreon with monthly illustration goals, as well as made some amazing original artwork. I’ve continued to podcast with a good friend of mine where we talk about video games, and other related issues, even hitting our 2 year anniversary.

I also finally got to return home to Portland for the first time in 2 years, and it was a wonderful visit home. Had a wonderful holiday time with friends and family, and I miss them all already.

And most amazing of all, I married the love of my life. My summer wedding trip to Brazil was a time I will never forget, and cherish for the rest of my days. Cannot wait to get you here, Gigi. I love you dearly ❤️

That was 2023, let’s look ahead to 2024. I very much miss streaming and talking with all of you out there. So, I have plans to make my return to Twitch this January — I made it a point to use streaming as a way to keep tabs on me and maintain my sobriety, so if you all like real talk and dope video games, drop on by! Expect promos and updates on that in the near future.

Keeping with the theme of developing healthier habits, I will definitely be pushing myself to losing weight, and overhauling my diet. I’m considering going vegetarian, I do love vegetables after all; just need to make sure I’m getting enough protein. I set a personal best for the leg press with 700 pounds, let’s see if I can set some new records!

Last but not least, I’ve fallen into the nasty habit of just flopping onto my couch after work, and watching YouTube until bed. I cannot keep that up. So I resolve to set myself at my desk, or in front of the microphone. I still have so much work to do and so little time, wish me luck!

I want to thank all of you following me across my various socials, I love being able to entertain you — Whether it’s drawing a sexy girl, or drawing Many sexy girls.

Here’s to a happy and healthy 2024!

[dragonmistressivy]

So many things i need to say and not in order because i’m tired and sick. First Vivian is the name of that depressed girl I mentioned and not the trans girl don’t know how i made that mistake. Second i just spent the last like 2 hours crying to my mom about all my pain and suffering i have been hiding(obviously not all all but most) third we went to the beach again today so that was amazing /s. I want the body of alex because he is adorable. Or the trans girl. Both have bodies and lives i would prefer to mine. They both have cute gfs and both have bodies i want just on different parts of the type of body i want. Also the trans girl(i seriously need to learn her name because calling her the trans girl sounds dehumanizing) is so fucking pretty and has such a happy life and had the life i want bur way sooner and she seems so happy most of the time. I can tell she does hate one part of her body but not going into details because everyone already knows and i don’t need to focus on what she hates about herself. I just want to be happy. Also at the beach the group of spoiled rich girls got vivisn to goswimming in a bikini even tho she looked so uncomfortable. Also at lunch they gave her meat which she doesn’t eat so was barely touching the bread to make mirsky(the name of the teacher in charge of this trip) who was sitting at her table not ask her why she wasn’t eating anything. I barely ate anything and i sm exhausted but i was forced to do a guilded tour tgis morning fir like 30 minutes even tho i felt like i was going to past out the whole time and turns out i was running a fever so that was definitely not a good thing to force me to do. Especially since i will have to tour a whole city tomorrow in the like 95 degree weather without much shade while sick from exhaustion and then go to a greek evening whoch will take so long and i wouldn’t be anle to shave my face from when i shave it in the moring at around 6 am until at least like 11:30 pm. I will want to die. Also i just won’t eat greek food. I hate the snell and the way it looks and i haven’t had it before and i am insanely picky. Also there will be dancimg which will be hell as everyone else parties and dances and i just breakdown even more as my body is failing me and i am being pushed to my limits. Why did past me sign up for this. It was a good waste of at least 7k. And we can’t go back early because that would cost like 1k for just me to go home early. Just trip is a giant waste of money which we could have used for surgeries i want/need to mot kill myself. I will not be happy until my body is perfect and that is not possible with my height, my shoulders, my face, and my penis. I want all fixed. Also i can’t be completely fixed because cerebral palsy can’t be fixed. And probably not be fixable ever in my lifetime. This trip has brought the hands on my clock closer to midnight than if i hadn’t come here at all. I at least could get antidepressants like s month or more sooner than i will. I need a doctor to fix me please. I can’t be made normal. Also tinnitus can’t be fixed either. Also i need nee sinuses because mine are broken. A nee body please.

[mygoodbuys]

My dear, sweet girls: Something terrible is coming.

It’s name is perimenopause. Ha! Even the dictionary says I spelled it wrong. Noooo, my patriarchal container of all words that are right and wrong. It is YOU that are wrong this time. Take your squiggly red misspelled line and leave us girls to the important stuff.

Now listen, I am fresh off a stint in the ER for the shit these fucking hormones do! I was ready to say goodbuy you know. I only sought help because I promised I would to the few people that give a shit about me. Perimenopause had me on my knees praying to a god I don’t believe in.

Now, I know some good depression. My bouts are up there in the “wow you fucked your life up” Hall Of Fame. But depression during the peri? Oh mutha jumping snakes on this mutha jumping plane time! It makes your worst depressive day before peri look like a self care day.

When does it start? No one can tell you. How long will it last? 2-8 YEARS or more. How do I feel better? Take hormones to trick your body into feeling better. What if I get a specific type of migraine? Nope, you’re excluded from having the hormones because you will likely die. So what’s the alternative? Antidepressants. What if I’m already on them? What if switching makes it worse? Switching or starting an antidepressant is a MONTHS long process, how do I find relief now?!

Scientists like to call menopause “reverse puberty”. That’s because most scientists are assholes. Menopause is what happens when your period finally stops for a FULL YEAR. All the starting and stopping and horrific cramping and bloating and bleeding for weeks on end, all of that- that’s for the 2-8 years before menopause comes. Also uncontrollable crying, rage, depression and anxiety (just to name a few). So if things don’t feel right In your 30’s don’t let anyone rule out peri. If you’re losing your mind at 42, remember these words. You are not going crazy. You live in a world that does not prioritize the health of the the people that are literally in charge of protecting the future of humanity. How fucked is that?

At least now you know about perimenopause and can be prepared when it strikes. Well, perhaps prepared was way too presumptuous of me. If you’re anything like most women, there’s no being prepared for this hell.

[notjosieyouremy]

alright so here’s the story. basically, i kept seeing tiktoks about partners who cheat and about how terrible men are. i kept thinking, i got one of the good ones tho, he would never, he’s so good to me, im so glad i don’t have to deal with any of that shit

well about four nights ago when i was drunk i went through his phone and found some pretty incriminating stuff. all of it happened about 3 months ago then appeared to stop. he was responding to personal ads on reddit and exchanging s*xual messages and noods. as far as i could tell, he didn’t meetup with any of those people. i did however find flirty texts with a woman from him past, jessie. they did meet up, tho it wasn’t clear what had happened. so i saved jessie’s number to my phone and texted her the next day. she was so great. she’s a true girl’s girl. she told me exactly what happened. they made out, he touched the booba, there was some dry humping but not full s*x. he was telling her that we were trying out polyamory and that i was aware of everything and we’d been talking about it (not true). a few days later in text he told her that we had talked and decided to remain monogamous (also not true, we had no such discussion). they only met up that one time. she was more mad about it than i was, which is funny to me

i wasn’t mad, i’m still not mad, tho i am a little hurt, so let’s talk about why i wasn’t pissed when i should be. i just can’t summon the emotional energy to get angry about it (antidepressants save the day again). there has never been any jealousy or possessiveness in our relationship. since day one he has said he doesn’t care if i sleep with other people. i didn’t want to be poly because i had never done that before and it sounded scary and new. my love for him did not change when i found out. but my perception of him changed. i always thought he was perfect, and he always hated when i’d say that (believe people when they tell you who they are). i learned that he makes mistakes like everybody else. he’s not infallible, but i still love him just the same. he’s still the best part of my life. plus hes mad enough at himself, he doesn’t need me to be mad at him too

so the way i see it, i had three options: 1. break up (no, not worth it. i would literally marry him tomorrow if he asked me). 2. we stay together, but i would never be able to trust him again. i would always be worried he was being unfaithful. and this hurt would manifest anger and resentment and it would fester and rot (i don’t wanna do that. i don’t have the emotional energy to hold a grudge against him. it’s so exhausting). 3. let’s just be ethically non monogamous. i don’t wanna constantly worry about it happening again, so if it does, we’ve already established it’s ok. i’m in the process of accepting something that i’ve known for a long time: one person can’t meet all their partner’s needs all the time and trying to do so is exhausting. i feel safe and secure enough with him that i know he won’t leave me. he insisted that he doesn’t want to do anything outside of the relationship, he was just going through something at the time of his infidelity, but he agreed to do whatever i needed in order to heal

one final thing that happened was two nights ago i went through his phone again. i didn’t find any new incriminating evidence, but i felt really guilty about it. so the next day i told him and asked him to change to passcode on his phone. i know i shouldn’t be invading his privacy in that way but sometimes i give in to temptation and curiosity

all men are trash

guess who found out her boyfriend cheated

[ultraviolencced]

things are very very very bad ! :)

[hanjisungs-bigtittyg0thgf]

Hatefuck

You’re stuck with me, babydoll.

ex-bully!wooyoung x fem reader

Trigger warnings: brief mention of depression

Content warnings: oral (f receiving), names (honey, baby, good girl, baby girl, princess, babydoll), unprotected sex (stay safe my fellow twinkies), praise, marking. wooyoung gets possessive. this is really just super soft and i’m in love.

Summary: four months have passed and now you’re on vacation with the boys, yielding to your desires while the others try to sleep.

Word count: 5334

A/N: i lied, it’s a few minutes after midnight so it’s not 2-26 anymore lmao anywayssssss i actually had so much fun writing this one and i couldn’t stop writing so be waiting for part four <3 as always, follow me here or on my main and consider turning on post notifications so you know exactly when i post! send your hard thoughts here! also, i have started a ko-fi and i take commissions! anyways, i hope you enjoy <3

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Tags: @starlight-night0 @alecanal93 @youre-a-wallflower-charlie @brit97 @hyuckilstan @sxnshineskzx​ @jasirii​ @yeosanghwas​

Smut below the cut

It had been four months since the night he cried into your shoulder and you’d seen marked improvement in his overall mental health. He somehow seemed even louder, if that was possible, and he didn’t have this regretful expression every time he saw you. You were halfway into the spring semester now and he’d dropped by your apartment the day you were planning your schedule so you could match up your classes. Now you saw him every day and he was pretty much your best friend, though you still had bad days.

 Recently the guys had invited you to go on a spring break trip with them. When they booked the place, they assured you that you’d have a room to yourself as the only woman on the trip. However, upon arrival, you all realized there was one less room than you thought. What was thought to be a five bedroom condo, turned out to be a four bedroom. Instead of them doing the logical thing and putting three people in two rooms and two in one, they had done two-two-three and Wooyoung was sleeping in the living room so you had your own space.

 You felt bad that he was sleeping on a shitty couch. It wasn’t even a pullout. It had been two nights and you still had four more nights to go but Wooyoung was already complaining about his back. So after dinner on the third night, when everyone else had already gone to their rooms, you poked your head out into the living room and got his attention. “Wooyoungie…” you called his name in a singsong voice and he sat up. “Come here.”

 He looked annoyed as he got up but he didn’t argue, shuffling over to your door. You took his hand and pulled him inside. “Just sleep in here. You look miserable out there.” His expression went from irritated to surprised.

 “But…you were supposed to have your own space…” he mumbled, his cheeks going a soft pink. Was he really gonna argue on this? You were offering him a bed when he wasn’t feeling great.

 “Oh come on, it’s not like we haven’t spent the last four months cuddling and shit. And we’ve already had sex so…” you shrugged and sat on the edge of the bed, opening your medicine bag. You had a small variety of prescriptions and over the counter stuff in there. You pulled out your anxiety meds and your antidepressant, popping them in your mouth and grabbing the water from the nightstand. Part of him wondered if he was the reason you needed those. He wasn’t, you were a sad bitch even in high school.

 Finally, he walked around the bed and laid down on the far side. “No funny business…” he mumbled and you couldn’t stop yourself from laughing. It was insane to you that he would make that request after sleeping with you already.

 “Isn’t that supposed to be my line?” You teased as you put everything away and laid down. He huffed beside you and you sighed, flicking off the light and rolling over to face him. “Relax, I’ll be a perfect lady.” It was his turn to laugh.

 “I’ll believe that when I see it, honey.” He snorted and you rolled your eyes, grinning as you laid flat on your back. “Thank you, though. Really. Seonghwa hyung might beat my ass though.”

 “Oh my god, Woo, will you stop?” You groaned, rolling your eyes. It had come to light recently that Seonghwa did, in fact, have a crush on you. He respected that you weren’t interested though and nothing changed. “He’s not gonna do anything. He knows I’m not his. He’ll get over me.” You paused as a grin settled on your face. “Maybe. I must say, I’m quite the catch.”

 “Mm this is true.” Wooyoung agreed and you felt your face heat up. Even after everything, he still had a fat crush on you. The thing is, you had started to like him too. You hadn’t admitted to anything, you didn’t want to push things and you’d just become friends with him after two years of torment. But your previous assessment was correct. If he’d shown you his sweet side sooner, you would’ve caught feelings a lot sooner.

 You cleared your throat as you settled in, pulling the sheets up to your chin. You were about to say your goodnights when you felt his arm fall over your waist. “Cuddly.” He mumbled, his eyes already heavy as he snuggled into you. Honestly, he was precious and you were amazed at how much a little therapy and the promise of forgiveness had changed him.

 “Goodnight, you big baby.” You chuckled, patting his arm and closing your eyes. He grinned and a puff of hot air left his nose as he laughed silently. You were starting to fall asleep when he spoke again.

 “How would you feel if someone woke you up with oral?” You laughed to hide how surprised you were and shrugged. “You must’ve thought about it. I mean come on the idea of waking up to sex is pretty great.”

 “I agree, that’s a nice thought.” You murmured, calming yourself. “I certainly wouldn’t mind. I’ve had my fair share of receiving oral and the idea of waking up with someone’s head between my legs isn’t unwelcome.” You shrugged again and he hummed an agreement.

 It wasn’t entirely out of the norm for you two to talk about sex. Usually you both cracked jokes about having slept with each other but other times you just discussed different kinks and fantasies. Sex wasn’t a taboo topic between the two of you given how things started. You literally fucked each other while acting like you hated it. “What about manhandling?”

 “I think you already know how I feel about that one…” you mumbled sheepishly, turning your head so you weren’t facing him. “Go to sleep, you boob. It’s late. We can talk sex tomorrow.” You chuckled when he whined at the name but within minutes he was snoring softly against your shoulder.

  ————————————

  It was too early. You knew no one would be up until way later but it was 7:30 and Wooyoung was getting up from the bed. Was he making breakfast? You started to wake up but pulled the sheets up over your head and quickly dozed back off. You didn’t notice him push your legs apart. You didn’t feel the bed dip when he laid between your legs after diving under the covers. You didn’t register your shorts and panties being pushed aside or the way his arms wrapped around your hips, your legs hooked over his shoulders.

 When you next woke up, it was with a soft whine. Your sleep-addled mind could only make out that you were horny and whatever was happening felt good. As you came to, you processed the wet sounds and the sensation of his tongue. “Woo, what-“

 He pulled back and kissed your thigh. “Remember what we talked about last night?” You whined in response and he sunk his teeth into your skin. “I couldn’t stop thinking about it…” he whispered and pressed a kiss to your clit, earning a soft whimper.

 You pushed the covers down in your daze, wanting to watch him go down on you. “Woo…” your voice was a soft, breathy moan as your hand tangled in his midnight tresses. The man knew how to use his tongue. Part of you wondered how many times he’d done this, part of you had no desire to know how many women he’d gone down on before you. “Take them off…” you mumbled, feeling suffocated in your clothes.

 He gladly obliged, sliding the thin cotton material down your legs before pushing them back apart and resuming his previous actions. This was not how you’d anticipated spending your spring break. You welcomed it, it had been six months since you’d been touched and even longer since someone took such care with you, but you hadn’t expected it. You gasped when he pressed a long finger inside you, curling it immediately.

 You let out a long whine and he paused, looking up at you. He looked so good like that and you felt like you’d combust if he kept staring at you with that expression. “You gotta stay quiet, baby. You don’t wanna wake the others, do you?” You quickly shook your head, a wave of arousal crashing over you at the name. “Good girl.” You stifled a whimper and bit your lip hard as he paused mere centimeters away from your heat, a tiny smirk forming on his face. “You like when I give you names, don’t you? Especially good girl. You just wanna be good for me, don’t you, baby girl?” You nodded furiously as he looked up at you. “Words, princess.”

 You huffed at his insistence but pushed your pride aside, deciding the need for him to carry on was far greater than your desire not to beg. “Like being called a good girl. Wanna be your good girl and do anything you say…” you whined out softly, careful to stay quiet so you didn’t wake anyone. “Please-“ you quickly bit your lip to silence yourself when he dove back in with a low groan.

 “Fuck that was hot…” he murmured before his lips encased your clit and he sucked, his finger teasing your g-spot. It was hard to stay quiet with him. You let out a frustrated sound when he moved back a bit. “My good girl. Mine.” Hearing the slight growl present in his voice as he said that made your pussy clench and he let out a low chuckle as he pressed a second finger in. “Aww, the baby likes being owned. You want me to keep calling you mine?” You nodded far too quickly for your liking and he gave an ornery smirk as his tongue flicked over your clit, earning a soft gasp. “You’re so cute, babydoll.”

 “Woo- please-“ you whispered, feeling frustrated at how worked up you were. He obliged and mumbled something about you asking nicely before his tongue met your pussy. Finally, instead of teasing, he set a steady pace with his fingers and alternated between slurping at your soaking sex and flicking his tongue. You wanted so badly to just let go and scream for him.

 And you almost did when you felt the tension building. “Woo- ‘m close- ‘m gonna cum- please, can I cum?” You whimpered quietly, your chest heaving with each labored breath. You’d try to hold back if he said no but you wanted to let go so badly.

 “Fuck- cum for me, baby. Cum all over my fingers and tongue.” He groaned against your cunt and you needed no further convincing. You had been right on the edge, forcing yourself down as his fingers assaulted your g-spot and you couldn’t take it anymore. With his permission, you gave in.

 Your orgasm crashed over you and you bit down hard on your lip to muffle your sounds. He worked you through it, not stopping until your legs were shaking. You melted into the sheets when he backed away, heavy eyes watching as he licked his fingers clean with a soft groan. “Do you have any idea how good you taste, baby?”

 You shook your head timidly and he climbed over you, catching your lips in a gentle kiss. You were surprised by just how careful he was being with you, given your last encounter. You whined into the kiss as his tongue pushed into your mouth, allowing you to taste your cum. Maybe you were greedy but you felt yourself getting worked up again as your tongues danced and you quickly looped your arms around his, your hands resting on his shoulder blades in an effort to keep him pressed against you. He was strong and firm under your hands and you couldn’t stop the sound you made.

 He broke the kiss and rested his forehead against yours, some internal battle taking place in his mind as was evident by his expression. You were about to ask what he was thinking when he finally spoke. “I don’t deserve this…” he whispered and you frowned. You didn’t care what he deserved at this point. He needed to stop beating himself up over what happened in the past. You’d had too many good days with him to still see him as the villain. You wanted to say as much but he continued. “But fuck I want you. I want you so bad, y/n…”

 You couldn’t find your voice as desire washed over you and just nodded, trying to catch his lips in another kiss. He moved away, pulling back so he could see you clearly. He didn’t move far enough that your hands had to leave his back, you probably would’ve pouted if he had. “I don’t regret that night. I regret leaving you like that but I don’t regret what we did. I just wish I’d done things right from the start.” Your pulse pounded in your ears as he held your gaze. “I wanna take my time and appreciate you right now. Can I do that?”

 You nodded instantly but he didn’t move and you began to feel shy under his intense stare. It was similar to the first time, how he’d pinned you down and took a moment to admire you. But you couldn’t bring yourself to attempt breaking the trance. Finally, he brought a hand - not the one he’d just been using to please you - to cradle your cheek, his thumb brushing over your cheekbone.

 “Woo…” you started, biting your lip as you leaned into his touch. “I don’t regret it either. But I’m tired of you kicking yourself over what happened in the past. We’ve both changed as people and it’s not fair for you to keep doing that to yourself.” Your hands moved to hold his wrist, not wanting him to move. “You’ve spent the last four months in therapy and you’ve made an effort to change my opinion of you. And it’s worked. The man I am in bed with right now is not the same man you were a year ago. You have genuinely become one of my best friends. What happened isn’t gonna change but those wounds have healed. So please stop doing that to yourself.” You turned and pressed a kiss to his palm, your eyes still locked on his face. “Please.”

 He looked like he wanted to cry and devour you at the same time. He knew you had every right to want nothing to do with him but you’d gone out on a limb and trusted him when he didn’t do anything to earn it. He was in awe over how you could be so nice to someone like him. It made him fall even harder, if that was possible. “I don’t think I’ll ever understand why you gave me a chance after all that.” He started and you frowned, prepared to argue back.

 “But I know I’ll be forever grateful that you did. If you hadn’t, we wouldn’t be here now. I don’t think I ever would’ve been successful in my attempts to better myself had I not had you as motivation. I wanted to change so I’d stop hurting you. Sometimes I still fuck up but you’ve been so patient with me. I know how lucky I am to even be in your life right now. That’s why I feel selfish saying this, especially after last time I said something like this, but…” he ducked his head, ashamed to look at you as he confessed. “I love you to bits. I have for a long time. It’s changed as we’ve changed, it’s not a selfish love anymore. It sounds so fucking cliche and gross but you seriously motivate me to be a better person and I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

 Your face was flaming red at his confession and you laid there in stunned silence. After a few seconds, he started to move away, still not looking you in the eye. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have put that on you. You aren’t responsible for my feelings. I just couldn’t hold it in anymore after what you said. I won’t bring it up again. You’ve already rejected me once before, I get that was a hard no. I-“ your grip on his arm tightened as he tried to sit up and you let out a pathetic whimper, on the verge of tears.

 “Just stop a second, Woo. Okay?” You whispered, trying to pull him back to you. He finally noticed your expression and he felt even worse. He allowed you to pull him in, your arms slipping around his neck. You took a deep, shaky breath, trying to steady yourself as you gathered your thoughts. “I just…it’s scary. Holding your heart, I mean. But I wanna explain something.”

 He nodded and you closed your eyes, hugging him tighter. “I turned you down back then because we’d barely talked. I was rude with the way I rejected you, my tone was awful. The way you kept pushing only irritated me further and I still cringe over what I said. We were both extremely immature about the whole thing.” He let out a rueful laugh and muttered something about that being an understatement.

 “But I had the thought during our various group study nights that you weren’t all bad. If I’m honest, I was jealous of how you interacted with the guys. You always seemed so upbeat and happy with them but the second you laid eyes on me, your expression changed like a switch was flipped.” You let out a soft sigh against his neck and he shivered. “I told myself if you’d just been nicer, if you’d just shown me the same consideration you showed them, we could’ve been friends. I was right. And I was right when I told myself if we’d been friends, feelings could’ve developed.”

 He froze in your arms, noticeably tense under your touch. You didn’t give him time to ask, you carried on with your own confession. “I hated myself at first for giving in that night and letting you wreck me. I felt like you’d use the sex as another way to get under my skin and poke fun at me. I started avoiding you even more than before and just completely brushing you off after that. I wouldn’t even talk back when you tried to get a rise out of me and I felt like that was the best way forward. I didn’t have the energy to keep fighting. I started research on different universities with strong info tech programs. I wanted out.”

 He deflated and you gave him a little squeeze to reassure him. “I still don’t know why I let you come over that night to explain yourself. I wasn’t interested in anything you had to say. I was convinced things were broken beyond repair, if there had ever been a chance of fixing things in the first place. But you were playing by my rules and I was curious about what Hongjoong had said. I almost got whiplash when you said you were sorry. Part of me wanted to scream at you and throw things because of all the trauma. But I knew that wouldn’t help anything so I listened. When I heard you started treatment, I decided I could give you a chance. You wouldn’t have started working on yourself if you weren’t genuinely regretful, I don’t think.”

 Finally, you let a hand tangle in his dark locks, your fingers lightly massaging his scalp. “But I’m so glad I had faith in you. I got to see the fun Wooyoung and you were emotionally vulnerable with me for the first time when we were stood in your kitchen doing dishes. We got really close, really fast and I finally felt like I didn’t have to hide when I saw you on campus. I actually looked forward to classes with you and the tiny things you did to tease me on campus. I looked forward to visiting every weekend. Seeing your soft side changed my opinion of you and within a month, I felt like a schoolgirl around you. I felt bad when Seonghwa confessed because by that point I’d already developed feelings for you. All the cuddling and other skinship was fucking electrifying and you have no idea how hard it was to fall asleep last night.”

 You both laughed quietly and he gently unhooked your arms from his neck, backing away to look at you. “I see what you mean now. Holding someone’s heart is fucking terrifying.” He let out a soft huff of laughter and leaned down, kissing your forehead. He took a moment to study you and let out a sigh. “It’s wild to think we’re at this stage after screeching at each other in a bar over two years ago now. But if you’re willing, I want to try with you.”

 “I want that too.” You nodded and a moment later, his lips were sealing over yours in the sweetest kiss you’d ever received. You could count the number of times he’d kissed you on one hand. Five. The first one was unwelcome and you’d brushed your teeth far longer than necessary that night, trying to erase the sensation of his lips on yours. The next two were just as intense but not unwelcome. He’d used them to shut you up when you were being mouthy in bed. Then the two you’d shared this morning. This one had to be your favorite. You loved intensity but there was something even better about a gentle emotional connection.

 You parted for air and over the next few minutes you found yourself still keeping count, even as it turned into a full-blown make out session. The air grew heavy as he tugged your lip between his teeth, a thrill running through you. You let out a pathetic sound and he gave a little laugh as his lips trailed to your neck. This time you wanted him to leave a mark. You didn’t care that you were at the beach and that you wouldn’t be able to hide anything. You wanted everyone to know what had happened and that you were his.

 He was careful though. He hadn’t been considerate last time and he’d be damned if he didn’t give you the option of having a physical reminder of him. He wanted you to ask for it. So he was careful not to leave a mark as his teeth grazed over your skin, followed by his tongue a moment later. “Woo, please…” you whined in frustration and he grinned against your skin.

 “Please what, baby?”

 He was really gonna do this? You pouted as you tilted your head back to further bare your neck to him. “I want them to see. I want it to be obvious that I’m yours. Please?” Everything stood still for a moment, even time, before he let out one of the most beautiful sounds you’d ever heard.

 “Fucking hell, y/n, that was so hot…” he groaned and immediately set out to scatter love bites across your neck and shoulder. The gratification you felt from knowing you’d worked him up was immediate. He almost seemed frenzied as he left hickeys on your pale skin and it was driving you up the wall. When his teeth sank into your neck a moment later, you couldn’t stop yourself from letting out a weak moan.

 He seemed satisfied with this and began to work lower, his fingertips edging under your camisole as his lips ghosted over your chest. Heat engulfed your body as his large hands pushed the material up your torso. It registered in your mind that he hadn’t seen your tits and a tiny smile made itself at home on your face as you bit back a scoff. He paused and looked up at you in confusion so you explained and he laughed quietly before pulling the tank over your head.

 Your nipples perked up as the cool air hit your body. You blushed when you noticed his expression as his eyes zeroed in on your chest. “How the fuck are you so perfect?” His voice was almost a whisper as he took a moment to admire your naked body on display for him. You whined and brought your arm to cover your face, trying to hide your embarrassment from him. “You’re fucking stunning, baby girl.”

 The praise went straight to your sopping cunt and you let out another soft whine as his words fanned the flames under your skin. When you tugged at his clothes, he eagerly helped you remove them and you finally got to appreciate his body. He wasn’t particularly muscular but he was toned and beautifully tanned. Why hadn’t he taken his shirt off on the beach again? Your eyes trailed lower and you bit your lip at his defined v line and faint happy trail. His thighs were thick and clearly powerful. And of course he was well endowed, a girthy eight inches stood at attention. “I’m stunning?” You teased as you looked back to his face and caught him rolling his eyes.

 He quickly leaned back down to kiss you and you decided you couldn’t wait. It was nice letting him do whatever he wanted but you were dying to touch him. Your hands slipped between your bodies but you didn’t get a chance to touch him before he was teasing you again. You gasped against his lips when he tweaked your nipple and your reaction spurred him on.

 Not wanting to give in to the distraction of him playing with your breasts, you wrapped your hands around his dick and a wave of fire washed over you when his jaw went slack and he froze. He was beautiful and you wanted to keep getting reactions out of him. So before he had the chance to recover and resume teasing you, you began to jerk him off, taking in every sound he made and every face he pulled. He couldn’t help but buck into your touch.

 After only a few minutes, he was swatting your hands away and sitting up between your legs, his neck and chest flushed. “Tell me how you want it, baby.” You bit your lip, shivering as his warm hands trailed along your thighs.

 It was an easy decision. After the emotional discussion you’d had earlier where you both confessed your feelings for each other, you knew exactly what you wanted. “I want you to make love to me, Wooyoung. We’ve got all the time in the world to be kinky. Right now, I want you to make me feel like the most special girl in the world.” Admittedly, that wouldn’t take much. A few words of praise and you’d be putty in his hands. “Make me entirely yours…” you whispered and your could see him struggling to remain composed.

 You knew how much he liked being in control. You knew he was just the right amount of possessive. And you knew you wanted him to claim you as his own and make it evident that you were his. You were brought out of your thoughts by him gliding his dick through your wetness, a mewl of pleasure forcing its way past your lips when the tip pressed inside.

 He gave shallow thrusts until he was all the way in and leaned down, guiding your legs around his hips. “You’re mine, do you understand?” His voice was dangerously low as his burning gaze bore down on you.

 You couldn’t look away, nodding in agreement. “Yours…” you whispered just before his lips crashed against yours in a passionate kiss, his hips setting a torturously slow pace. It didn’t take him long to adopt deep, powerful thrusts despite his slow pace and you allowed him to drive you up the mattress with each thrust, moaning against his lips despite his earlier warnings about keeping quiet.

 His hands were everywhere as he fucked you, his touch gentle. “Gotta be quiet, baby…” he reminded you and you bit down on your lip in an attempt to stifle your sounds. He leaned back, resting on his knees as he sped up, making it near impossible to keep quiet.

 It felt like an eternity and mere seconds at the same time when you felt the knot in your belly growing tighter. You knew you wouldn’t last much longer, especially since he’d made you cum once already. When you warned him of this, he took your hands in his and laced your fingers, speeding up even more.

 You tightened your walls in an attempt to tease him but you both let out soft cries of pleasure. “Fuck, keep doing that and I won’t last…” he warned and that was all the convincing you needed. You took it as a challenge.

 You tightened around him and held it this time, trying to make as little noise as possible. You prayed none of the others were awake yet and thanked the universe that the bed wasn’t slamming against the wall as Wooyoung desperately rutted into you, his thrusts becoming sloppy. Your jaw dropped in a silent scream as waves of pleasure washed over you, drawing his orgasm out as well.

 His hands, still holding yours, caged you in as he slumped forwards, meeting your lips in a messy kiss as he filled you. You shuddered at the sensation and nipped at his bottom lip, smiling a little when he pulled back to look at you. “You’re fucking amazing. Perfect.” He whispered and you felt your face heat up. He wasn’t just referring to the sex, you could tell.

 You shook your head, wanting to hide from his compliments. You could handle praise in bed but once the euphoria wore off, you struggled to accept anyone gushing over you. “Don’t get all shy on me now.” His tone was teasing as he released your hands and slipped his arms around your waist. “God you’re fucking adorable.” He sighed, sitting up and pulling you up with him so you were sat on his lap, chest to chest with him.

 You gasped at the way the position sent him deeper into you but you knew you couldn’t handle another round so soon. He could overstimulate you another time. You brought your hands up, holding his head similarly to how he’d held you in place the first time he kissed you as a fond expression took over your own face. It felt too early to dive into saying ‘I love you’ but you wanted to express what you were feeling and so your lips began to shower kisses all over his face.

 You started with his forehead before moving to his cheeks. Then the tip of his nose. Then the outer corners of his eyes. With your attention on him like this, his heart raced and he realized just what he’d been missing out on. His lips curled into a smile, which only grew with each kiss. He didn’t think he’d ever be able to get enough of this. Finally, you pressed your lips against his. It was brief kiss that left him wanting more. He would never grow tired of your lips.

 You let your hands move from his face, your arms slipping around his neck as you buried your face there. The hug you held him in was tight, as if you feared he would up and leave if you released him. “I’m not letting you push me away ever again.” You whispered and he gave a small nod. You pulled back to look at him with a playful grin. “You’re stuck with me, babydoll.” His laugh was all you needed to hear as you snuggled back into his shoulder.

[diamonddoll]

Your last post about never drinking anything men give you reminds me of that time, it was New Year’s Eve and me and a friend wanted to go to this underground party (it was well known in our city and it was predominantly gay/bi people going there) and another friend of mine was going to meet us there. Fkg hell, she meets up with us and she’s completely hammered already, the night didn’t even start yet and she can’t really stand on her own I’m like ?? Okay… but that’s not what pissed me off tho, it was the fact that HER friends (which I barely knew, I only ever seen them on social media) literally just left her to be all alone mind you she came to the party with those girls and while we were waiting to get into the club, my friend just basically blacked out/passes out on the snow and her friends just went inside and left her?? If me and my other friend wouldn’t have been there she would have stayed there laying in the snow outside that club, how can anyone do that? And when we tried to get her friends they were like “she needs to go home” girl how??! She couldn’t even tell us her address. Just how can you just leave someone like that and still find it in you to go and have fun, literally no concern for this girl. Me and my friend had to take her back to her place and we did, we made sure to get her home safe and she didn’t even remember how she got home when she woke up the next day, me and my friend never even got into the party since we went home after all that (we woke up at least 2 people trying to find her apartment since we finally got her adress but not the apt number, it was such a mess, we had to carry her up two floors too 😂 thinking back it was kinda funny but the whole just leaving an incapacitated girl alone still makes me go wtf?) this is kind of a random story but I will never understand women who do shit like that and I will never fuck with women like that, even if I don’t know her I wouldn’t just leave a girl like that truly despicable behaviour. My friend felt really bad but I was more glad that she ended up in MY hands rather than some random, god knows what could have happened.

You and your friend are good people.

Idk if you’re a new follower, but I was in a similar situation this past august and was sexually assaulted. I went out with a group of “friends” to a club. I end up getting blackout drunk (or was possibly drugged, i’m not sure. I take antidepressants though so its very easy for me to blackout from only a few drinks) I ended up being assaulted by a man in the bathroom and then later a different man took me to his apartment and assaulted me there. I don’t remember much of it. The next morning when I stumbled home the first thing my roommate said to me was “You’re not allowed to hang out with us anymore. You drink too much and no one wants to babysit you” he never asked where I went or what happened to me. We had been friends for 6 years. He still doesn’t know. I don’t live with him anymore and haven’t talked to that friend group since. Sometimes I really want to call them up and tell them what really happened so they can live with the guilt…

Moral of the story: PLEASE look out for your friends and other women in general when going out because this shit happens all the time and you never think it could happen to you.

[sugakoni]

single mom!reader (leon x f!reader)

PART 1 |

(a/n) sorry for the delay in this part. i have been really busy and super bleh because of my antidepressants, but tonight i finally feel like writing. this is part 2 of 5, and next part uhhh... might get a little spicy. don't say i didn't warn you lmao. - zee

word count: 1656

contains: angst to an extent

warnings: light swearing, fighting, panic attacks

paring: leon kennedy x fem!reader (single mother)

(feel free to leave requests!) (leon kennedy playlist)

story under the cut

Staggered breaths were heard inside the house, followed by a loud cough. The area of Spain you were in was surprisingly cold, and the cabin you were in wasn’t helping any, considering how run down it was. Your gun was in your hand, following behind Leon as you kept watch on anything that could happen behind the man.

Leon turned the corner, and you did the same. Seeing a man who was currently filling his fireplace with wood, poking and prodding at it in the mean time.You raised an eyebrow, keeping your gun in your hand as Leon cleared his throat.

“Excuse me, sir, I am Leon Kennedy. I was wondering if you have seen this girl.”

The man turned back at him, speaking in Spanish in a very angry manner. You pursed your lips together, Leon giving you a shrug.

“Leon! Look out!” You yelled, firing your gun at the man who rose an axe towards your partner. You shot at his head multiple times, before he finally fell to the ground. Noises were heard outside, and Leon took it upon himself to look out through the window. You let out a breath that you didn’t even realize you were holding, before looking out the window with Leon and seeing a lot more people.

“Shit,” Leon muttered, making sure his gun was loaded before pushing you to go towards the stairs.

“I know what I’m doing, Kennedy,” you sassed, going up the stairs quickly with him following behind. He let out a huff, grabbing a few things of ammo that he found in drawers and handing it to you. You put them into your bag, shaking your head as you found some herbs. The sound of a door breaking down was heard downstairs, which caused your eyes to widen.

“There!” You called out, pointing at the window.

“Good eye,” Leon replied, going to jump out. You bit at your lip, hearing the villagers walking around downstairs before you eventually jumped down yourself, being caught by Leon. You let out a cough, Leon having a shit eating grin on his face before you pulled your gun out and shot 3 villagers behind him.

The blonde placed you back down on the ground, starting to run farther away from the village people. You sighed quietly to yourself, following behind as per usual. You knew something was up here, not normal, and just like Raccoon City.

You put Raccoon City in the back of your mind as Hunnigan called Leon, and you stood to the side listening through your ear piece. You kicked at some rocks, thinking about your son and what he could be doing at home. A huff left Leon’s mouth, ending the call with Hunnigan.

“Ashley is around here somewhere,” Leon spoke out, putting an end to your thoughts. You looked over at him, giving him a nod.

“No shit.”

“Hey, I know you have something going on, but that attitude of your’s needs to leave,” Leon snapped, running a hand through his hair. You raised an eyebrow.

“MY attitude? I am so sorry that I had to leave my nine year old son behind to go on a mission to find the President’s dumbass daughter!” You exclaimed, to which he rolled his eyes. The stress the two of you had from your recent encounters was prominent in this conversation, and you put your hands up slightly.

“You know what. You’re right. Sorry for making you upset, Kennedy,” You spoke sarcastically, walking away from the other. Leon’s jaw clenched, following behind you and grabbing your wrist, turning you to face him.

“Stop being a brat.”

“You’re being the brat,” You seethed, shaking his grip off of you as you head towards another cabin. Leon sighed, knowing he messed up by snapping at you. The two of you trekked to the cabin ahead, opening the door and looking around.

“Here,” you spoke, going to move something out of the way of a doorway. Leon gave a nod, going into a room and hearing commotion in the wardrobe in the corner. You followed after grabbing things in the other room, seeing Leon opening the wardrobe door.

All of a sudden, you felt immense pressure in your head and the whole world went black.

-----------

The smell of rotting walls is what awoke you. Pain shot through your head, wrists bound behind you. Your eyes fluttered open, seeing two men in front of you. The one Leon was tied up to was unfamiliar, but he must’ve been in that wardrobe Leon opened up.

“Leon?” You called out. He seemed to have been in the middle of a conversation with the man he was tied up to, showing him the picture of Ashley.

“Y/n, are you alright?” Leon asked, to which you gave a slight nod. Luis looked over to you.

“Ah, senorita, they must’ve hit you hard,” he spoke out, giving a sympathetic smile. You gave a nod again, not feeling up to talking as the pain in your head was searing. Leon sighed to himself, putting the photo of Ashley back into his pocket. You must’ve missed a bit of their conversation.

Loud footsteps were heard outside, which caused you to snap your head up. You saw a giant man walk in. Your eyes felt a bit heavy, desperately trying to keep them open before you slipped off into another slumber.

Snapping awake, you felt something warm pressed against your right arm. Your eyes were wide, sweat sticking to your skin as you looked up at the person who held you. Leon.

You still felt angry at him, but you decided to put that in the back of your head. He looked down at you, hearing your ragged breathing.

“Hey, sleepy head. I have been carrying you around for what feels like ages,” he murmured, placing you back down again. You sighed, rubbing the back of your head.

“I’m sorry… I just feel so sick,” you muttered, before tears started to stain your cheeks. You were tired, and you didn’t know why. And you felt out of touch with reality. Leon’s concern grew for you.

“Y/n? Are you okay?” He asked, rubbing your back. You shook as you cried, falling to your knees.

Panic rose in you, thinking about how you woke up some when you were held captive and something being put into your neck. You immediately looked up at Leon.

“They put something in me,” you expressed, starting to feel yourself become sick.

“Y/n, I am sure you’re fine-”

“Fine?! How can I be fine?! What if I turn into one of them?!” You screamed at him, covering your face afterwards. You thought about Adrian, and how he would potentially have to grow up without his mommy. He was already growing up without a father figure, you couldn’t imagine having him lose you now. You looked down, opening your locket as your breathing was labored. You couldn’t stop the panic, but you could calm down your tears. The adrenaline was already pumping hard through your veins, as you shakily touched the face of your son, and glanced towards the face of your late boyfriend.

“Who is that?” Leon asked, looking down at the locket. You glanced up, his face had softened.

“My late boyfriend… he… he turned into one of those monsters in Raccoon City… right in front of me and Adrian,” you mumbled, closing it. Leon frowned, helping you up from the ground. You composed yourself quickly, starting to go the way you assumed you were to go.

-------------

The plane you were in was whirring loudly, about to take off. You were currently sitting in front of Ashley Graham and the President, with Leon right beside you. Your mission was a success, but the trauma that both you and Leon had experienced on the way was enough to make you never want to work for the government again. But, this is all you had.

The President got up from his seat, walking towards the front of the plane. You looked at Ashley, who was currently looking at Leon in a loving way. A pit formed in your stomach, and you didn’t know if it was jealousy. You looked out the window, seeing the ocean, and clouds… and more ocean.

Unbeknownst to you, but known to Ashley, Leon was looking at you the same way Ashley was looking at him. He didn’t know why, but he felt even more attracted to you after the events you two had endured. You knew that it would be a few days until you could see your son, since you have to give information to your agency and other government officials, but at the end of the day, your son was now your number one priority again.

“Why her?” Ashley spoke out, her eyes going wide as both you and Leon looked at her. Her face flushed to a bright red color, before she excused herself, going to wherever her father was.

“What was that for?” You mumbled, playing with your hands. You looked over at Leon, smiling a bit as you felt your heart swell up.

“I don’t know… but at least she is gone, her staring was getting annoying,” Leon chuckled, which caused you to giggle. You bit at your lip, seeing his hand on the armrest. You moved your smaller one to lay on top of it, your fingers intertwining.

“Thank you,” You whispered, “for getting me back safe.”

“I made a promise, didn’t I? How about we celebrate tonight, everything on me,” Leon said smugly, which caused you to blush.

“Yeah, yeah lover-boy… I’ll give you a chance,” You said with a grin, looking back out the window and taking your hand away from his. You missed the warmth, but you didn’t want to deal with Ashley’s whining.

Maybe staying away from home for a few more days wouldn’t be so bad...

tag list:

@cicatraize

[lukesperfectharmonyhair]

im rewatching jatp instead of studying for the 3 tests i have tomorrow and i thought i would share my thoughts and reactions with each episode so enjoy!!....

wake up

- hearing the “1, 2, 3″ at the start of the episode gives me more serotonin than my antidepressants ever will

- julie’s slippers...that’s it...that’s the thought

- that dry ass pasta the molina’s are eating for dinner??? someone needs to give my man ray some cooking tips or a cookbook... something

-the looks the boys give julie when she says it was an OLD cd she found. as if they could be old??

-the entire julie and luke kitchen scene i mean there are no words to describe how much i am in love with scene. the banter, the flirting, luke giving this girl he literally just met an actual PIECE OF HIS SOUL so she can get music back into her life. not a single time have i watched that scene and not felt my heart literally grow cause of how cute they are. 

-the entire scene when julie is singing wake up. that scene is what made me literally CRAVE watching the other episodes. like of course i was going to watch them cause i wasn’t gonna just stop watching a show after one episode, and yes the show was good already but seeing the lighting and her voice, and just everything about the scene,,,,*chef’s kiss* 

bright

-flynn drinking seven sodas....SEVEN??? i would be throwing up if i drank more than like 2 and she drank seven,,,no ma’am.

- flynn and her trumpet. talented queen

- “ i wouldn’t have given you the song if i didnt think you were gonna rock it.” lmaooo im crying:)

- i start tearing up every time julie goes to play the first notes of bright,,, and then i’m full on bawling when the guys come in and play with her cause...they weren’t playing to be seen they were playing to be there for her and play to comfort her. pls i love them<3

- nick vibing in the front row

- the tech guy deserves so much more praise

flying solo

- reggie’s little butt shake or whatever you wanna call it!!

- julie’s little laugh when she yells at the guys to stop it

- “and we’re on the runway again” GENUINELY one of my favorite lines of the whole show pls i love luke’s humor

-this is the first time i noticed this but reggie’s face after alex says “DONT TELL ME HOW TO GHOST!”

-WILLIE!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU<3333333

-the slow mo helmet take off,,,,me too alex me too

-willie’s little giggles:))))

- “oh-oh!”

- “no clue” alex i love you baby<3

- next season better give us a scene of flynn throwing eggs at someone’s house because i think it’s safe to say we were robbed of that experience. 

- the flying solo performance is just amazing

i got the music

- just the whole opening scene is so cute ....the dancing, singing, happiness RADIATING from julie 

-nick in an all white suit and fedora

-WILLEX MUSEUM DATE YEAH BABYYYYY

- carefree skateboarder bf and anxiety ridden drummer bf

- yelling. in. museums. 

-alex thinking he’s literally dying again because of the salt... zero braincells in this band.

- another scene we were robbed of that i need to see in season 2...reggie singing “home is where my horse is” while alex and julie sit patiently and attentively listen to him but luke looks like he’s about to commit murder

- i get SO MUCH second hand embarrassment for julie when she looks through luke’s songbook and says “ wow luke I didn’t know you were such a romantic” julie baby i love you but...eekkkkk

- “he looks like a substitute teacher”- where did he come up with that like so many other things he could be compared to but a substitute teacher??

- “luke introduced you to rock” heck yeah it did.. literal soulmates

- would like to see a picture of the raccoon in Flynn’s backyard

- wee woo wee woo police sirens://///

- julie’s outfit ughhhh i love it

- the poster that im pretty sure says “sexiest role” behind caleb... why was that necessary 

the other side of hollywood

- THE ENTIRE PERFORMANCE OF THE OTHER SIDE OF HOLLYWOOD 

- i lose my absolute shit over this song omg literal chills

- the cape grab i cannot physically do this rn

- willie being so excited the entire performance and looking over to see alex’s reaction

- reggie being in awe everytime one of the girls performing does something.. me too reggie

-”well i wouldn't really call it mAAgiCcCC bUT”

- nick and his fedora again

- alex has a crush, alex has a crush on.....WILLIE

-the boys eating food for the first time in 25 years is honestly so realistic

-alex shoving a whole slice of pizza in his mouth

- lukes ‘OH MY GODDDDD’

- reggie kissing his meatball sub that looks painfully dry but also delicious 

- the continuation of the other side of hollywood performance and everyone dancing

-reggie imitating caleb’s evil laugh and owen trying so hard not to break

-me getting mad at the boys for not showing up for julie and being sad with her but at the same time i’m obviously not mad at the boys just...disappointed?? idk 

finally free

- how did julie get to the school if she missed the first three classes?? wasn’t she still at flynn’s house from the night before cause she slept over so did she walk to school or was she just sitting in flynn’s house by herself and one of flynn’s parents was like you gonna go to school or???

-dance class with nicky poo<3

-reggie fixing his amp in the rain

-julie’s blue dress outfit in this episode is my ABSOLUTE favorite 

- the birthday candle scene makes me sob like a little baby,,,and rightfully so

- julie smart, smart to be taking calculus as what a sophomore??

- all eyes on me yes queen iconic

- alex dancing is how i dance in my brain whenever the song comes on 

- finally free as a song is NEVER given enough credit and why not?? it’s my favorite song they do as a band AND the madison’s vocals and the echoing part omg i loveeeee

- and the whole performance with luke’s heart eyes. i count this performance as the moment luke like fell in love with julie...like full on just blown away with how much awe and admiration he has for her in that moment and all the time.

 - julie and luke singing “and you’re a part of me” while staring directly into each others soul,,,yeah that’s love kids

edge of great

- carlos being the ghost hunter he is and tía being done with him

- luke’s pouting face 

- reggie and ray making breakfast together is so wholesome. reggie really loves and seeks comfort in ray and i love that

- luke just waiting next to julie’s locker and his little “hey”

- the first time i watch this scene i thought charlie was from new york cause of the way he says “ i can't do this without you” and then i watched the cast interviews and just realized he is somewhat joey tribbiani 

- jealous luke hehehehehhehehe

- “well dont you look shARrP”- yes he does luke thank you very much

- “uh oh i think someone has a crush on julie” yeah you do you little shit,,, now admit it to her

- the proud look on luke’s face when he realizes julie is still paying attention to HIM even though she’s supposed to be having a full on conversation with nick

- the shoulder push ( as someone who has had their own shoulder pushed in the middle of a high school hallway as a weird way of flirting,,,,i can definitely somewhat attest to how luke is feeling in that moment and i too continued to flirt with the person who shoulder shoved me while we were still standing in the hallway)

- the flow from whatever the hell dance nick and julie are doing and the perfect harmony dance is so special to me and i love it

-ADOANCLOBNAOVBCOAB THE HAIR PLSSSSS

- EVERYTIME THE SCENE COMES ON AND I SEE HIM WALKING THROUGH THE MIRROR I HAVE TO PAUSE THE SHOW FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES WHILE I DIE LAUGHING BECAUSE THE HAIR IS SO BAD EVEN THOUGH I SHOULD BE USED TO HOW IT LOOKS AFTER WATCHING THIS SHOW LITERALLY 30 TIMES

- i think people see my username and assume i like his hair in this scene but...ummm fun little fact i do not like it

- the dance is so good though ugh my babies

- the hair

- madison is gorgeous 

- another season 2 scene i need: julie teaching this dance to luke and they perform it in front of alex and reggie so they can see luke roll on the floor like that

-the hair

- the lift i loveeee

- the voices at the end of the song *chef’s kiss*

- the way julie spins out from luke and into nick omg so good

- “thAnKs pArTnER”

- luke denying his feelings for julie,,,babe pls

- the whole edge of great performance is so good and beautiful and the colors are SPECTACULAR 

-julie avoiding luke’s gaze lolz

- can't believe my mans really tried to deny he didn’t have feelings for julie like 5 hours earlier even though he’s getting upset because she hasn’t looked at him in 2 minutes

- THE. GUITAR. RIFF. SOLO.

- when i finally learn how to play the electric guitar well enough to learn the guitar solo... it’s over for everyone

-nick just came to watch the girl he likes perform not watch her flirt with a hologram plssss can we give this man a break next season.

- “we have to say goodbye to julie”- that’s literally more important to luke than not playing music anymore because julie is music to him now

unsaid emily

-already crying and the episode hasn't even started

-willex in the orpheum

- alex literally being OVER reggie

- nope too emotionally unstable to watch this scene right now

- my therapist will be hearing about this tomorrow

- show us the baby picture of luke cowards

- this is such a beautiful song that makes me cry every fucking time gosh damn it

- everytime i watch the flashback scene of luke on his bike i think of “christmas song” by phoebe bridges and i cry even more

- i tried to learn how to play this song on my electric guitar (because i dont have an acoustic guitar) and i ended up crying half way through so i do not think i will be playing it anytime soon:/

- the harmonies *chef’s kiss*

- THE POLICE LIGHTS ....i cry

- FAT tears rolling down my face

- there's literally not a moment i don’t cry during this episode

- interesting little relationship :0

- when i played percussion in 7th grade i used to lay down on the couch in the practice room at school ( which god knows what people did on that couch...ew) and stick my drumsticks up my nose too,,,, just another similarity between alex and i 

stand tall

- willie really drove a bus 200 miles into the desert for his crush

- WILLEX HUG 

- i love willie no last name so much,,,i just wanna hold and protect him

- alex’s ballerina dance

-julie’s overall outfit i love<3

- “im swimming”

- the way carlos hangs up the iPad on tía makes me CRACK UP he’s just lmao bye girl

- another julie outfit i love

- “anything julie. you know that.” AHHHHHAASIDSJFPACISN love bitches

- the suits

- luke’s hair in this episode is so much better than the perfect harmony hair pls

- YOU GOT NOTHING TO LOSE

- the way luke looks so restricted and confined in his suit... but at the same time he looks like a 10 week old puppy

-luke’s AGGRESSIVE but small foot tapping leading up to being on the stage

- the solos:)))))

- crying again over julie’s monologue to her mom

- julie really was brave enough to be ready to perform by herself

-the way Trevor looks at carrie when she says “been here before”

-ALEXXXXXX

-REGGIEEEEE

-luuukkKKKEEEEEEE

- this performance makes me cry

- especially the first time when i saw luke flickering...sobs

- he finally looks free in his suit:))

- alex’s solo is so pretty i love him

- reggie’s solo too 

- nick just straight up vibing the entire performance

- alex and luke holding hands...hehehe cute besties

- “thank you, guys” NO THANK YOU 

- the way julie begs for them to do something about the jolts for HER cause she knows luke would never say no to her

- “no music is worth making, julie, if we’re not making it with you,” I JUST SCREAMED AND IM PRETTY SURE I WOKE UP MY ENTIRE HOUSEHOLD...whoops

- going back to that line i could say so much about it but....for someone who’s life was literally MUSIC for the 17 years he was alive, and after finding out he could play music again even though he was dead and saying it made him feel alive, he would give that up- he would give up playing his guitar, playing in a band with his friends, give up writing and singing music- if he wasn’t doing that with julie. that’s more than saying i love you,,,that’s literally like saying i’d give up my ENTIRE LIFE and what i love to do if i dont get to do it with you

- i just made myself cry with that description...wow

-the hug<3

-also imagine how luke felt in that moment,,, hearing this girl, once again that he would give his life up for, saying in his ear that she loves them. i would motherfucking glow too, luke

- *passionately but gently holds each others faces*

-HANDS OFF MY BABY NICK, CALEB

- caleb’s outfit is....something

- the head turn plssss

this was so long and i am so sorry but if you read this far.....leave some of your own reactions or thoughts:)))

k goodnight im gonna, ugh, finally go study ://

[apocalypseornaw]

Always be Yours-6

Word Count: 3,105

Story Summary: Inspired by the 2 part I did of the same title. Follows Dean and reader through season 9 into season 10

Chapter Summary: Cas runs across a case so you and Dean go to check it out

Warnings: usual fighting and cursing. Mention of suicide

Kevin finally emerged from his room to say he’d had some big breakthrough with the angel tablet so you, Dean and Sam followed him into the library and watched as he unloaded his arm load of notes onto the tables. You stepped forward and picked up one of the sheets then glanced at Sam and held it out as Dean picked up a few sheets and looked them over as well “Kev, sweetie your big news is that you translated the tablet into doodles?”

“It’s cuneiform” he corrected and when neither of you seemed to understand what he meant he further explained “I hit a wall translating the tablet into english but I found an ancient codex linking the angel script to proto-elamite cuneiform and I was able to translate the tablet and the footnotes into elamite which is..” “Doodles?” Dean guessed and Kevin sighed “It’s extinct”

“Well can you read it?” Sam asked and you tried not to let the disappointment show on your face when Kevin’s answer was “No one can. Scholars have tried for centuries” “So it’s a dead end” you pushed as Dean sat down in the chair you’d been leaning on the back of but Kevin shook his head “Not quite. Now most proto-elamite is abstract but I was able to decipher one phrase from Metatron’s footnotes..falling angels” Dean looked over his shoulder at you then at Sam who said “Ok, so the footnotes refer to Metatron’s spell?” “Maybe?” Kevin shrugged and you let out a breath. Maybe didn’t get you any closer to a solution for Cas or anyone else for that matter. 

Sam nodded then walked over to a shelf of books “Well maybe if we can decipher the footnotes then we can reverse the spell..” “and punt those winged dicks back to heaven” Dean finished and you shook your head at his choice of words but they were dicks for trying to hurt Cas for something he hadn’t really known would happen. “Well, where do we start?” you asked and Sam started handing out from the stack of books he’d plucked off the shelf “Research” 

You took the book he offered you and pulled the chair out next to Dean “So we comb through the library, see if we can find anything else on elamite?” Sam nodded then sat down next to Kevin with two books. Dean cut his eyes at you then read the title of the book Sam had passed him “Zimmerman’s encyclopedia of extinct languages: volume one. Adai to atakapa.. How many volumes are there?” “Twenty four” Kevin replied and you tried to hide your laugh with a cough when Dean groaned at his answer.

You were flipping through volume three when Dean’s phone rang. You glanced up when he stood up and walked away from the table but when Sam looked your way you quickly turned your attention back to the book in your hands. 

A few minutes passed before Dean walked back over and tapped his phone on the table to get all of your attention “Cas has a case in Rexford. Four missing, presumed dead. Strange substance at the scene. Sounds worth checking out” “Ok? So what flavor of weird is he thinking?” you asked but Dean shrugged “He didn’t say” “Who’s going because Kev needs help with the research” you spoke not glancing up until he said “Why don’t you? We worked pretty well in the hospital together against the angels and Sam's better at the research side anyways” you looked at him then at Sam for help but Sam bless his pretty little head simply shrugged.

------

You sat in the passenger side of the impala trying your best to act as if you weren’t alone with Dean. “Why can’t we see Cas?” you finally asked and he shook his head “He’s catnip for angels” “Yeah and we left Zeke at the bunker inside Sammy in case you forgot.. Hell we’re catnip for angels from what went down at the hospital and in Detroit. I want to at least check on him. Please?” You weren’t above begging and knew you struck a cord with Dean when you said please. He sighed “Fine. If we can find him, we’ll check on him. Ok?” “Thank you” you replied and reached over to turn up the radio.

------

Dean stopped a little way out of Rexford for you both to change into your fed suits. The most recent crime scene was a cabin so that’s where you headed first. 

When you rolled on scene the entire place was still taped off and crawling with cops. You grabbed your ID then followed Dean since he was the one to call ahead and talk to the sheriff.

He met the two of you at the tape and waved a deputy off “This is Agent Ermey and Agent Speight” you and Dean both nodded to the deputy then followed the sheriff. “So four missing?” you asked but the sheriff clarified “Four dead. Just got confirmation” You looked towards Dean who asked “Any common threads you can think of?” “Well Joe in there had the suicide hotline on speed dial. The gal before him was a shut in, had enough antidepressants in her medicine cabinet to stock a pharmacy. The first victims were a married couple out of Sugar City, pretty much a walking billboard for no-fault divorce” “Were they all basket cases?” Dean asked with that bluntness of his you’d come to look for over the time you’d known him.

The sheriff glanced away “If you asked me to make a list of this county’s saddest sacks, these four would’ve been right on top”  you nodded then spoke “All right so four unhappy people, one of them definitely suicidal, but you’ve ruled out suicide?” The sheriff looked from you to Dean then got some booties to cover your shoes and some gloves from one of the deputies “You’re going to want to out these on” You raised your eyebrows but leaned over to pull the booties on over the flats you wore with your fed suit then pulled the gloves onto your hands. Once you and Dean looked ready for surgery the sheriff lead the two of you inside.

The inside of the cabin absolutely reeked and it took you a moment to register just what exactly was covering every surface. “This look like suicide to you agents?” The sheriff asked and you swallowed hard as you looked at Dean. Just what in the hell had caused this? 

You motioned to the substance that was everywhere “Correct me if I’m wrong sheriff but is this excuse the way I’m about to put this but is this everything? Like blood, meat, organs and skin?” The sheriff nodded “If the tests come back same as the others. Yes ma’am. Like these poor souls got  run through the world’s finest wood chipper” “What about witnesses?” Dean questioned as you let your eyes skim across the walls and the remains of “Joe”

“Same as the rest. Neighbors reported some kind of pink flash, by the time we got here all that was left was this” the sheriff answered looking around. Dean thanked the sheriff and handed him a card before leading you back outside. You stripped the booties and gloves then tossed them into the bag the deputy at the door held. 

When you finally made it back to baby you looked at Dean as he slid behind the wheel “What the hell did that?” He shrugged but was already dialing his phone “I’m going to call Sam and Kevin, see if they can find anything to point us in the right direction. Meantime you geared up good enough?” you nodded “Silver bullets with devils’ traps, holy water and an angel blade” he smirked “That’s my girl” then pulled the phone up to his ear as he backed out from Joe’s yard and pulled onto the road leading into town.

------

After finding out Sam and Kevin hadn’t gotten anywhere, Dean suggested they try getting Crowley to assist on the translation then you and him stopped to change back into civilian clothes,grabbed coffee and headed into the center of the town. So far you’d tried emf, looked for hex bags and sulfur to not avail. You had no clue what had happened to those four people.

You glanced out your window then hit Dean’s arm “STOP” “OW. What for?” you pointed to the Gas N Sip “CAS!”

------

You waited out at baby while Dean headed in to talk to Cas. He made him leave so he had to face him alone. 

You were going through what lore you’d downloaded onto your laptop while Dean was in the store. You texted Sam to see how his luck had been with Crowley and weren’t too surprised when he sent back “What do you think?”

The driver’s door opening made you look up from where you’d been sitting with your legs stretched across the backseat and grinned when you saw Cas was with Dean “There’s my favorite set of blue eyes” Cas smiled softly at you “Hello Y/N” and climbed into the passenger seat. Dean updated you on the fact that there had been another killing at the local high school and that apparently Cas had a date later that night “Ooh the blonde? She’s hot” both of them looked back at you so you shrugged “What? I got to pick one type that I like?” Dean shook his head with a laugh and pulled out onto the road.

------

You flashed your badge at the deputy and nodded in Cas’ direction “He’s with us” the school ground was crawling with deputies and it made your stomach turn to know whatever was doing the killing had taken out someone this young.

Dean headed to talk to the deputy who had a witness but you noticed Cas stop to look at the bus that was covered in the same substance that Joe’s cabin had been covered in. “Cas, do you know what this is?” he nodded slowly “As a matter of fact, I do”

He looked back towards baby so you offered “Let’s walk away from it” he told you where he’d seen the substance before and the knot in your stomach grew with the information. You spotted Dean when he headed your way “You two ok?” you looked at Cas “He’s seen this before” “What, where?” Dean asked so Cas replied “In heaven” 

“So an angel did this?” Dean questioned and you nodded even before Cas explained “It’s not ordinary angel. This is bad, this is very bad” just seeing Cas that worried scared the hell out of you.

-----

The Rit Zien was a special class of angel. Rit Zien was enochian for “Hands of mercy” They functioned like medics tending to the wounded, healing those that could be healed and putting down those who were past saving.

Cas explained to you and Dean that the Rit Zien honed in on pain like a beacon. So when this particular one fell to earth he heard the victims’ cries, their anguish same as he heard the angels in heaven. He was continuing his heavenly work down on earth. 

Cas turned down going along to hunt down the angel and it was a shock to realize Cas was scared. “We got this” You assured him patting his shoulder so Dean added “Go on that date. Have a little bit of a normal life” 

“I need a ride” Cas said and you smiled at him “Well you’re sitting in the sexiest ride this town currently has in it”

------

You were laid across the backseat of the impala using your jacket as a pillow when Dean pulled to a stop in front of Nora’s house so you sat up. “Nice place” 

Cas started to get out with his work vest still on so Dean stopped him. “You can’t wear that” “This is all I have” you leaned up and took a good look at him “Take the vest off” he did as you asked and Dean nodded approvingly “Unbutton a few buttons” Cas did that also so you threw in “And untuck your shirt!” he did that then threw his hands up at you both “Good enough?” you shamelessly checked him out and saw a hint of a smile “She won’t know what hit her”

“Always open the door for her, ask a lot of questions they like that” you knew Dean was offering Cas help but you popped him lightly behind the head at that “They” comment. He cut his eyes at you in the mirror and added “If she says she’s happy to go dutch, she’s lying” and patted Cas on the chest “Go get em tiger” you leaned up and kissed Cas on the cheek “Be yourself. That’s enough” then he climbed out of the car. 

------

You and Dean hadn’t got all the way across town when his phone rang from the sheriff. The analysis from the first crime scene came back. Only the wife’s dna was present. Meaning the husband was still out there making him the most likely to be the vessel.

The two of you headed straight for the sheriff’s office and there your thoughts were confirmed. The husband had found religion then gotten obsessed with Buddy Boyle’s podcast.You and Dean were going over the files the sheriff had on the couple when he stopped on one photo and showed you the truck “Is that the one that blocked us in?” he nodded “Excuse us sheriff, we got to go”

------

The moment you made it into the door the angel sent you and Dean flying into a crumpled heap.You could hear the baby crying but considering you’d smacked your head going down and Dean’s weight was on your legs you couldn’t get up.

Dean slid his angel blade to Cas at the last moment and Cas buried it home. You pulled your legs out from under Dean and headed for the baby while Dean helped Cas to his feet.

You scooped her up and turned to look at the two of them “Everybody good?” they nodded and you let out a breath “Good”

------

You and Dean ended up staying with Cas until Nora got back from her date and between the three of you the baby finally calmed and went back to sleep. When Nora got there you and Dean headed outside to call Sam while Cas spoke to Nora.

The news from Sam was about the worst you could get. The spell Metatron did was irreversible. The angels couldn’t get back into heaven.

------

It hurt having to leave Cas yet again but he was safe from the angels and adapting. You knew it was for the best even if you wished more than anything he could come home to the bunker.

------

You were silent for the first couple hours of the ride back to Lebanon until Dean bumped your knee with his hand. “Want to stop and grab a bite to eat?” you rolled your head to look over at him “Sure, might as well”

When the two of you headed into the diner he slung his arm around your shoulders “Go to admit Y/N, you’re a natural with kids sweetheart” you rolled your eyes and said “You weren’t so bad yourself Dean” with a laugh.The older waitress that was at the counter smiled at the two of you when you walked in and headed for a corner booth.

When she came to take your order she looked between the two of you “Can I just say how cute it is to see a couple get along so well?” your mouth fell open in shock and you expected Dean to correct her but he just winked at her and motioned to you “Look at her. How could I not get along with her?” you shot him a look then when the waitress left to place your orders you looked back at him “What the hell was that?” and he shrugged “Sweetheart I’ve been accused of a lot worse than managing to get you as mine” you felt your cheeks warm but ducked your head to hide it and said “You’re a natural flirt Dean, you know that?” and when you glanced back up he smiled “Tell me to stop and I will never flirt with you again” you took a sip of the water in front of you and shrugged “I’ve still not seen any flirting worth being impressed over” his eyes widened at that “So is that the issue? I’m not convincing enough?” 

A part of you still wondered if Charlie told him how you felt so you quickly threw back “I just know you don’t mean it” this time he looked a bit thrown but you could see the wheels turning in his head even when the waitress brought your food back over to the table.

--------

Dean was quiet throughout the two of you eating and even when you got back out to the impala. It wasn't until you were miles down the road that he finally spoke "Look Y/N, I know I'm a flirt. I like sex there's no shame in that but if I was to be with someone I'd be loyal to that person and I wouldn't say I wanted someone as a joke or a way to appease hurt feelings hell I'm too much of a jackass for that" you turned sideways in the seat and studied his profile for a moment considering he'd just poured his heart out without taking his eyes from the road. 

"Are you trying to say something Dean?" You asked feeling your heart jump into your throat with the hope that maybe just maybe he was. That hope was squashed when he shook his head "Not really. I just don't want you thinking I'm one of those types of guys is all" "Oh, well don't worry about that Dean. We're good" you replied with a smile then straightened up in the seat pulling your jacket up on you as a blanket "Wake me when we get home or if you want me to drive some" 

He cut his eyes at you with a smirk "Home it is"

Tags: @facadeformyrealblog @akshi8278

[drea-46]

19.12.21

Part 2

Rike: Ms. Fuhrmann is having mild convulsions

Dr. Koopmann: Let me see your leg…There is increased reflexes. ECG (elctrocardiogram), CT (computer tomography). We do a spinal tap, this way we can rule out meningitis. I’ll be right back

Julian: Hey, that’s enough

Daniela: Wait

Dr. Koopmann: Sorry, but I have to interrupt. Ms. Fuhrmann your electrocardiogram worries me

The analysis shows a extended QT interval

Rike: Well, the QT interval shows how the cardiac current flows into your ventricle

Dr. Koopmann: And with extension like yours, it can result in cardiac arrhythmia or even in a sudden cardiac death. I suspect you have so called long QT syndrome. Since, at least according to you, you have not overdosed on any medications.

Rike: But if you, after all, have taken any medication, then it would be very helpful for us to know.

I mean, it would not only be helpful, it would be essential for survival

Daniela: I took an antidepressant because I was going through a rough patch

Dr. Koopmann: Great, that information would have been very helpful beforehand. What did your psychiatrist prescribe you?

Daniela: I bought it online, without prescription. Standard medication. SSRI (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor)

Julian: Why are you doing that?

Dr. Koopmann: Well, the antidepressant combined with the migraine medication has resulted in an excessive amount of serotonin. That explains the extended QT interval. We will administer her with lorazepam

Rike: Yes

Dr. Koopmann: That will decrease your muscle tone

Daniela: That means I don’t have a cardiac anomaly, at least

Dr. Koopmann: Yes, that’s right. You just endangered your own life! Antidepressants bought off the internet. That people do not understand the meaning of „available only on prescription“

Rike: Unfortunately this still happens occasionally

Dr. Koopmann: Thank god you pressed her. Thank you, Rike!

Rike: Anytime!

Dr. Koopmann: Please come by my office after working hours, ok?

Rike: Yes, gladly

Julian: This entire time you played the tough one in front of my eyes and then you secretly take antidepressants? Why?

Daniela: I had one rough patch. Because so much depends on tomorrow for me. So I was down for a moment.

Julian: Yes and then you keep it a secret. Just like our relationship

Daniela: The thing with us we will make public once I have become agency partner, you know that

Julian: I only know that you don’t trust me

Daniela: Of course, I trust you

Julian: Do you?

Daniela: Yes, I do

Julian: Fine, then I will do the presentation on the campaign tomorrow

Daniela: I’m sorry, but that is my lifelong dream. You don’t honestly think that I let my assistant do the pitch!

Julian: I understand

Daniela: I didn’t mean…

Julian: I should just go

Daniela: I didn’t mean it like that, Julian!

Bartender: I guess it’s not easy for you working with your girlfriend’s ex…even more so if he treats you like crap

Julian: I would have hit back at him already if Daniela hadn’t held me back all the time. And every single time she down plays how the situation with Robert is bothering her

Bartender: Your girl is a leader. And as such, she probably thinks she has to be this strong person all the time

Julian: But not with me! I’m her boyfriend! But she just doesn’t trust me! Neither in private nor at work

Rike: Can I get a beer, Safi?

Julian: And if Daniela won‘t change anything, then I will

Rike: I thought you two love each other

Julian: Until now I thought so, too

Robert: Hi, Daniela. Right now is not a good time. We are already at the meeting room and I’m about to deliver my presentation

Daniela: Hm, can you please put me on speaker?

Robert: Yes, we can all hear you

Agency people: Good morning, Daniela. We hope that you are well

Daniela: Good morning, everybody! Unfortunately I can’t be there in person. I will take a small hiatus, for health reasons. My assistant and life partner Julian will be with you in a second and take over the presentation

Robert: Okay, then get well soon! Let us know if you need anything

Daniela: Will do, thank you! I’m so sorry. I just now realized how selfish I acted. That must have been horrible for you

Julian: I was so scared! You could have died!

Daniela: You are the most important thing in my life! I love you

Julian: I love you, too. Come here…Then I will go and get us the campaign. Okay?! See you later, babe!

Translation @happyladybug93

Quelle ZDF Mediathek

Julian: I was so scared! You could have died!

Tobias Licht – Dr. Tom Koopmann

Timothy in Bettys Diagnose heute Abend im ZDF um 19.25 Uhr .

[cadomoisspokenfor]

Legion Rewatch Notes,

Chapter 6:

Balance

Farouk later says he made all this to keep David comfortable. But then why go through the effort of having therapy sessions with anyone else? Is he just delighting in the gaslighting?

Small thing, Ptonomy’s not technically a psychic in the same way David/Farouk/Oliver are, but he does have well practiced mental abilities. I wonder if it takes more work to trick him than the others. Same for Walter I guess.

“I like to think i’m a time traveller. I can go back and back, but all I can do is... watch.” Sad and also relevant for future episodes. Thinking about it, this a pretty character defining statement for Ptonomy. Perfect recollection of all the horrible things he’s seen in the past, but never able to change anything.

Also, Farouk sat there and listened to Ptonomy’s entire story patiently and quietly. To what end?

Do Cary and Kerry still think of themselves as siblings in this simulation? Or are they just codependent friends?

So Walters problem is fragile masculinity?

Why is Syd able to see through Farouks delusion? Why doesn’t Farouk do anything about it?

I theorized once that Syd could see through it cause she knows what it’s like to be in the white room, but Ptonomy and Melanie have been in the astral plane too. And Ptonomy prides himself on knowing when he’s in reality. Could it be that Syd just has a really strong sense of self? Because of her power I mean. “Everywhere I go, I’m me.” It’s also possible Syd holds no insecurities about whether she’s psychotic or not. So when reality suddenly changes, she doesn’t just brush it off.

Is Farouk over inflating parts of Amy’s real personality, or is this just a completely inserted personality with no tangible connection to the real Amy?

This isn’t how David sees Amy, but maybe it’s how Farouk sees her, for holding David back?

Ptonomy takes Lenny’s place here. By Farouk’s design, or is it just to show similarities between their personalities? Ptonomy can be a bit cruel towards people with trauma and grief.

David no longer loves dogs.

“Paul” and not “Ptonomy”. I think it’s just a nickname, and I *think* they use it later too.

“I just feel so in control here. Like- my expectations... I’m not trying to bite off more than I can chew...” David feels most comfortable with low expectations and small and manageable goals. This feels really relevant for later.

I think Lenny here realizes she’s made David too comfortable. He’s never gonna want to leave and become a God if this keeps up. Also, his attachment to Syd keeps him from becoming what Farouk wants him to be.

On that attachment, this is maybe the most at peace we’ve ever seen and will ever see David be in the show. And he cites his relationship with Syd as the reason.

(Small note) I don’t think it’d be fair to say that David moving forward, or even David before this, not prioritizing their relationship all the time is a mistake on his part. Even though the show sorta paints it to be one, most of the time when he’s pulled away it was either to save someone in mortal danger, or to stop a global threat. David’s constantly dealing with the classic superhero dilemma, but the others don’t seem to see what they’re putting him through. Or in some cases they do and think he should just get over it. Curse of his powers I guess.

“People always talk about the depression. But it’s the other side, that... invulnerable feeling. Tha- it’s.... dangerous.” The more David gives into the thought that he is a powerful mutant who can’t be damaged by anything, the more dangerous he becomes. This one’s hard to reconcile cause it means even if he wanted to use his powers for good he couldn’t because it’s treated as a slippery-slope to him becoming a villain. Dammit, Hawley...

Farouk clearly knows what makes David happy, but continues to try pushing him into the “I am God” thing despite this. Perhaps this is what he regrets in s3? He could’ve given David exactly what he needed, but like many parents, he wanted his kid to be a miniature version of him. He thought that was what was best for him. Later he’ll realize it wasn’t.

Melanie’s airplaning her food to no one. Is she just pretending or does she actually see Oliver there? Probably the former.

Cary and Kerry’s in-syncness isn’t always all that relevant to the greater plot, but it’s always fun to see.

Farouk’s probably still trying to build up David’s subconscious hatred of Amy.

David’s real upset about the pie. This note’s not necessarily important, I just feel bad for him 🥺.

Also, Syd tried to use this as an opportunity to get out of eating cherries. Valiant effort.

Those bugs are in the white room too. Is Farouk even leaving those on purpose? Or is it more like a mental infection?

The bugs are gone when Syd and the others are looking at it, but they reappear after she sits back down.

Farouk probably hasn’t gotten to flex his powers *this strongly* in 30 years. Hence the “Feeling good” dance sequence.

The same weird thing behind the glass that was in David’s room in Chap 1 is in Syd’s room this ep.

Syd’s also having nightmares about the real world here, just like she will in s3.

I reiterate, how can Syd tell?

MAYBE, the reason Syd could tell is she’s actually been in the real Clockworks before. The rest haven’t. Well, David has, but I don’t think he *wants* to question things right now. Being with Syd in Clockworks was a real happy time for him. Syd describes it like a feeling of deja vu. It’s all reruns to her, but... slightly edited reruns. A constant feeling of “that’s not how this went.” (Small note) It should be considered that David actively resist believing in anything supernatural because of his previous diagnosis. Ans his current one too, probably.

David feels the outside world is too complicated for him. “Too loud.” “I need the routine, the grounding. I’m good.” Interestingly, Dr. Busker’s the one who tells him the outside side worlds not cut out for everybody. Seems counterintuitive to her/Farouk’s goals.

David’s completely comfortable with growing old and dying in a mental hospital. This wasn’t the case at the start of Chap 1. I think the only thing that changed was Syd came into his life.

“I can’t stay here.”

“Not even for me?”

David’s relationship with Syd makes him feel happy and safe and comfortable, but Syd can’t stagnate. She assumedly has dreams outside of David or anything going on with Summerland. *Assumedly* since we’re not necessarily shown what those might be. (There is that alternate timeline where we see her in the back of a limi driving past homeless David)

This is all to say, their lives right now are too busy for them to sit down and talk about it, but there are hints that their long-term relationship goals are incompatible with each other.

It’s not brought up a lot but Kerry has a lot of chemical and prescription terms memorized. Probably from paying attention during Cary’s career, but still, it does make me wonder how she knows so little about other aspects of life in s2.

According to www.uofmhealth.org “Clozapine is an antipsychotic medicine that is used to treat schizophrenia after other treatments have failed.”

(Small aside for drug talk) [According to www.rxlist.com “Effexor (venlafaxine) is an antidepressant used for treatment of major depression.”

Those are the 2 drugs Cary and Kerry say Syd might be on. Said in response to Syd talking about the strange dreams she’s been having.

One of the listed side effects of Effexor is “strange dreams.”

Clozapine has a lot of things listed but I don’t see anything about effecting dreams. I do see drowsiness and muscle problems listed though, and Syd looks like she trips a bit before starting to talk about her dream.]

I didn’t realize on previous watches that Cary and Kerry both had Oliver related dreams. Cary saw the ice cube, and Kerry saw “20,000 Leagues Under the Sea.” Probably in reference to the diving suit.

Melanie in Mental Clockworks acts very similar to Melanie throughout s2. I’d go as far to say they’re the same. Perhaps Farouk is just overemphasizing already present parts of their personalities. When driven to this point Melanie’s willing to do or believe anything that will bring Oliver back. In s2 this mindset will be intentionally orchestrated by Farouk, then subsequently exploited for the cave conversation.

Is Walter interested in Kerry because he subconsciously recognizes her as the girl he shot before?

When Cary’s first brought into the astral plane he’s in the middle of a forest. Could this symbolize the forest around David’s old house? David also had to make a journey before getting to where Oliver was located. Though I can’t remember what he was surrounded by when he came in.

If Syd’s not in there because she doesn’t want to be touched, then why did David still do the pillow divider thing when they were in bed together?

Syd was stored in David’s memories of his childhood bedroom.

Ptonomy’s powers give off a very “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind” vibe. I think this is also the last time we see him in mental clockworks.

Walter definitely goes for power above all else.

Syd got locked behind that door she was so curious about.

Amy says some real targeted stuff here. She plays directly into David’s insecurities. If what she says is supposed to represent David’s deepest fears, than it would seem being unloved or underserving of love is the worst thing in the world to him. “You’re unwanted.” It feels doubly sad cause Amy visiting him in the hospital was probably what kept him going all those years without Syd. Lenny was nice but she... was also being treated.

Melanie prays.

Is it the actual Oliver that appears to Melanie at first? Whoever they are, they leave immediately after instructing her to somehow save David and Syd. It could be possible that Oliver did that to get a head start on it while he brought Cary up to speed.

Whenever someone questions his and Syd’s relationship, David’s only response is a defensive “We’re in love.”

Farouk’s sick of trying to indirectly manipulate David to his will and just starts outright venting about how he doesn’t get “love.”

This is also the first person-to-person philosophical discussion between David and Farouk.

Farouk also doesn’t get being “happy” and “fulfilled.” How sad.

Lenny says “Daaaviiiiiiiid” in the same way that Clark does.

Farouk calls himself a fungus here. If he’s using the previous metaphor, he means to say he’s feeding off David’s power and is eventually gonna burst out of his head, killing him in the process. (Added a few seconds after) I forgot he literally shows David that that’s what he means, lol.

Farouk’s downplaying his emotional connection to David here, claiming to only want to team with him for boosted power. But he does also say “I’m trying to help you.” I think this whole scene might be Farouk’s way of saying “Either you finally hatch and become a God, or I leave you behind to die. There are no other options.”

Again, Farouk knows what makes David happy and can’t accept that cause it’s not what he wants out of David. He’ll regret this later.

“Oh, you pretty things! Don’t you know you’re driving your mama’s and papa’s insane? Let me make it plain, gotta make way for the homo superior!” “Homo superior” in Marvel comics is another name for mutants. And David being the most powerful mutant in show would mean he’s the most “superior” of the homo superiors. Farouk locks his mind away for not realizing that. I guess he’s the “papa” in this scenario.

The lyrics to “Oh! You pretty things”in general is relevant to what’s going on at this point in the story.

Another line in particular sticks out, “Look out at your children. See their faces in golden rays. Don’t kid yourself, they belong to you. They’re the start of a coming race.” Farouk tries to essentially disown David at the end of this episode, but the song says “don’t kid yourself.” Farouk will eventually come to think of David as his son. A son that he knows he failed. Not yet though.

[skyeofloxlay]

Duskwood - thoughts, observations and summaries. (DW-TOS) Part 2!

And I came back with the second part!

82 - Jessy sends us a message asking if we send messages to Hacker, if we answer yes, she replies that he is scary. If we say "I happen to like him, actually." Jessy says, "I bet you're the only person in the world who likes this guy. But don't get me wrong, I don't think he's behind the kidnapping. He wouldn't take such chances talking to us."

83 - Jessy then comments that she had a similar conversation with the others, but it was about the MC. If we say, "If I were you, you wouldn't trust me," Jessy replies, "But I trust you. If others knew that I sent you a message, they would be irritated with me. Anyway, I think it's better if you don't tell him too much "

84 - Another message in spy mode, this time between Thomas and Dan. Thomas contacted Dan, and Dan asked where Thomas was. Thomas replies, "You know what? It doesn't matter." Dan then asks what was going on, and then Thomas responds by asking if Dan was still part of the deal.

85 - Jake sends us a message, asking what it was all about (referring to the conversation between Dan and Thomas). We can say that no matter what it is, it seems to be highly suspicious and Jake agrees. He then comments, "Maybe we can find out together what that means. I found it more than strange that Thomas disappeared after the news of the body appeared."

If we say "Wait, how did you find this out? I didn't tell you about it" Jake replies that he is not going to put all his cards on the table for us. At least not for now.

86 - We then started seeing a message notification between Dan and a guy named Poke. Poke contacted Dan to be sure, and also said that Dan knew the time and place. Dan then tries to make some price offers, I think. In the end Poke says he was sorry for the girl.

87 - We talk to Jake again, and he asks us what we thought all that meant. And we can guess that Dan is buying something from Poke, and that he's asking for good money for that thing. Jake says he thinks the same thing as us, and he praises us by saying "good job". Jake also comments that the thing that is purchased is highly illegal, as Dan made sure not to mention the thing.

88 - Telling Jake that we should get to the bottom of this, Jake replies that he was going to get Poke's number. If we say "And what should I say?" Jake says "I didn't say the plan was perfect ... Can't you try to get this person involved in a conversation? Say you got a friend's number. Maybe you can get somewhere with this or not. If it doesn't work out, you can say you sent the number to the wrong number. Doesn't that sound convincing? " He then asks for time to find out the number.

89 - Jake contacts us, and says he managed to reconstruct a part of the image (of the medical prescription) And he says that we should take a look at it.

90 - Jake wonders why Hannah put a prescription on the cloud. For he could not understand what it would take a person to carry this in the cloud.

91 - So Jake says it would be better to search the almighty internet for what SSRI means. (SSRI was what we could see in the prescription)

92 - In this part we can place a bet with Jake to see who finds out the fastest =]

93 - We found that SSRI is a medication to treat depression.

94 - If we ask Jake if he knew that Hannah is suffering from depression, he says he doesn't know, so he says it didn't make sense and finally says he would talk to us later.

95 - We can then ask Jake if he was okay, he replies that he was okay, and then we can ask if we did something wrong, then he says "No, of course not. Let's talk later. I have to do some research" and then he goes off.

96 - We decrypt a file, this time it was a written file.

97 - Cleo sends us a message saying she was in front of Hannah's apartment, if she asks her what for, she says she went there at random, and says "But I think it wouldn't hurt to take a look".

98 - Cleo then tells us that it really wasn't spontaneous, and that she had thought about it asking herself "Would Hannah do the same for me? And I'm sure she would. She would have done it on the first day, as soon as knew. " We can then tell Cleo that we would like to have a best friend just like her.

99 - Cleo says to us "If it makes you feel better, I'm not invading. I know where her emergency key is hidden." And before entering, Cleo decides to call us and says "As you know, two heads are better than one"

100 - On the call, Cleo walks around the apartment and goes to the second floor, when she hears someone's footsteps, and when that mysterious person opens the door, we can't see who it is because the call hangs and then falls off. (If I'm not mistaken, was that the end of chapter 2? Or was it 3? Wait ... it was the end of chapter 2)

101 - So, now in chapter 3, Cleo, apparently a few minutes after the call dropped, she sends a message. She then tells us that Thomas was at the door. Cleo says she is still in the apartment with Thomas and says she would speak to us later.

102 - Jessy sends us a photo of a newspaper article reporting the body that was found. She was angry because the article was too short about something that should be given more attention, but apparently Duskwood likes to ignore the disasters that occur around the city.

103 - We returned to the group where all the guys are and Thomas finally appears and comments that it was the police and tells the group that the body found was not Hannah's. But we still don't know whose body it was (we only discovered this more recently in chapter 7, but I'll leave that to comment on when I get there).

104 - If we ask Thomas if he was at the police station all this time, and soon after he came to tell the group that the body was not Hannah's. He replies that before that, he was crying like a baby after we told him about the body, and then he went to the police. And then he asks us if we are happy now. After we answer him, Thomas says nothing and goes offline. 

105 - Jake sends us a message, and he says he decided to read the conversation between MC and Cleo. We can tell him that this no longer surprises us, but then he apologizes and comments that after our phone call went down, he was a little worried. We can ask him "Well, what do you want me to say?" and he replies "I know it's not comfortable for you. But I would like you to look at it from my point of view and understand why I am doing this." We can ask him "So is it important how I feel about you ?!" Jake replies, yes, he cares what we think about him. We can tell him that we also care about what he thinks about us. (Then he replies with a smile :) )

106 - Jake asks us why we thought would take Thomas to Hannah's apartment. We can guess that Thomas was trying to recover something there. Jake says it is a very logical assumption, but to be honest he was not sure, and it was better to wait because he was sure that Cleo would tell what had happened. 

If we tell Jake that we think something wasn’t right, he responds "Do you think? I didn’t notice anything.", We can answer him because we think something was wrong, saying that Cleo wanted to say something, because of Thomas . We then found out that Jake has problems deciphering emotions through text messages, and he says that MC managing to do that is of utmost importance.

We can then tell Jake that we have never heard of anyone who has had this problem before, and Jake replies, "There are few people who can openly admit their faults. I usually find it very difficult to do. "By thanking him for telling us something like that (you know, something so personal, admitting your failure? I think it takes a lot of courage and trust with the person you are talking to. Who likes to admit their faults openly to other people? Especially to those you hardly know?) 

Jake says we could talk about it in more detail again in another moment, if we wanted to know more. But now there were more important things to talk about.

107 - We then started talking about what we found in Hannah’s cloud (That written note. Unfortunately I don’t have a printout of the note, so I’ll describe the note in other post) Jake tells us that he read it several times and couldn't understand what it meant. We can then share with him our thoughts on the note, we can say that Hannah wrote that note because she was trying to process something, because the text was very emotional. Jake tells us that MC is incredibly observant.

108 - If we ask Jake if he never thought Hannah's behavior was strange, Jake says no. Asking him "But you know Hannah personally, right?", He replies "I don't think I can say I do, no", "Does Hannah even know you?" Jake just says that he will one day tell everything, when the time is right.

109 - Asking him about Poke's number, Jake replies that he needs more time to find out and asks if we still remembered what we were going to tell him. 

110 - When commenting on Hannah's antidepressant medicine, Jake says he had no idea that she suffered from depression. However, he says there is no need to worry about this for the investigation, as it would not have hurt herself, and that it was not even under discussion.

111 - Jake then says that until now we already knew the most important things, and then we can comment on the body, and ask if Jake was trying to avoid this issue. He says no, at least not intentionally. He also says he already knew it couldn't be Hannah's body and asks us if we had discovered anything in the meantime.

112 - It is then that we can comment on the legend of Duskwood, the legend of the mwaf. Jake asks if we want to talk about it, but then we can answer him "When the time is right". Jake says "Are you making fun of me now?" and we can answer "It doesn't look so good, does it?", Jake then admits that it made him laugh, and that he deserved it because he always made us wait to know things.

113 - But even so we give Jake a chance and we tell what we found, commenting that it is about an old legend, about such a man without a face, that he goes after people who have committed terrible sins, and drags them to the forest, and they say Hannah is one of their victims. Jake says he understood, but that he generally doesn't have much hope about legends and ghost stories. He also says that we weren't supposed to misinterpret him, but he was still going to check, but that he was going to find out Poke's number first.

114 - We talk again with Jessy and Richy about the legend of the mwaf, and about the fact that Alfie saw Hannah being dragged through the forest. Richy gives his opinion that Alfie, like him, was born in Duskwood, so he must have heard about the man without a face several times, and having heard about Hannah's disappearance, it's easy to mix reality with imaginary stories.

115 - If we say that we do not believe that this is what happened, Jessy says that she agrees and that the mwaf is a real clue and that we should go further, whether or not Richy was with him, since he did not believe in those things. In the end Richy decides to stay so things won't get out of hand

116 - As the conversation ends, Richy realizes that he hasn't added us yet.

117 - Richy asks us a favor, asking us not to instigate Jessy too much with all this mwaf history. He also comments that Jessy is the type of person who WANTS to see the monster, that he is real. We can then tell Richy that we are only after facts, that is, behind clues, not monsters, and that makes Richy feel more relieved. We can also ask if Richy is in love for Jessy, he is embarrassed and asks us why we think so. When we say it's just a feeling, he is speechless and denies it, but then asks "But what if I liked her?" , we can say that we don't care about that and he replies "That's good. As long as you don't think I'm in love with her." (he makes a spelling mistake, but I don't know what it would be like in English) When we correct him, Richy says that we pay a lot of attention to details and says that he will talk to the MC later.

118 - We decrypt another written file and send it to Jake. After he took a look he said that this note was completely different from the other. We can say why we found that note different by saying that "It's easier to understand" Jake agrees and adds that the first note was mysterious, almost enigmatic, while the second note seemed to be talking about an experience. And we can say "A diary?" Jake agrees and says that our discovery was really important, and he praises us saying that we did a good job. 

119 - Jake says he wants to try to do something new with us, taking notes on some of the most important key points, and after he and we made our conclusions, we would compare. When we say that we think this is a good idea, he replies that he is happy we found it.

When we finish our notes, Jake compares them, and depending on what you answered, Jake can tell you that surprisingly our notes are the same as his (again, I don't have a print of the text, so when I get to that part of the game I will do some prints and comment on it.)

120 - Jake begins to summarize all the clues that have been found. We know that Hannah visited a family, and in that family there was a woman named Iris, Hannah was accompanied by an unidentified man, and his support meant a lot to her. They were talking about something that Hannah already seemed to know, she hoped to find out more and Hannah was feeling very guilty about this family. In addition, it is commented at the end of the note on "The emerald eyes".

121 - We can guess that this note is related to Hannah's disappearance. Jake comments that this may be the way to find out Hannah's exact steps in the days before she disappeared. 

122 - Jake then ends (or tries) the conversation by saying "Very well. I think that's it for now. Or is there anything else we should talk about?" And at that point (if you have premiums) you can ask Jake "Tell me your name". He replies "My name? Why would you care about my name?" And then we can say to him "Because I like you." "Please" and then he finally reveals to us that his name is Jake. So we can say "Hello, Jake" and he replies with "Hello, MC" "I'm getting careless. This is not good" and we can ask him if he doesn't feel relieved and Jake says "Yes, strangely. At the same time, it's dangerous to open up to you. There's a lot at stake for me." we can tell Jake that he can trust us, and he replies "I want to trust you" Then right after he asks us "So now I would like to find out more about you", When we ask what he would like to know about us, he responds by asking if we are dating someone. If we say "No" and ask him why he would like to know, he replies "I don't know. I ..." when we say "Yes?", He says "I think you're fascinating" (Aww Jake, you know how to conquer me, don't you? Did I just think that this would be something Sherlock Holmes would say if he were in love? Just me? Ok .-.)

and of course, we can answer him saying that we also find him fascinating =]

Quickly Jake says he better go before he blushes, and then he says he'll talk to us later.

123 - Richy sends a message to the group saying that something is now on a date, which will be on Sunday at 2 pm, we found out shortly after he was referring to the search he would have in the forest to try to find Hannah, that the women of church at Duskwood are organizing, Miranda, Cleo’s mother, she’s the one who’s leading the women’s group. 

124 - Cleo sends us a message and says that Thomas is hiding something. Cleo says he was shocked to see her there. She asked him why Thomas was there at Hannah's apartment, he replied that he was at the police station and was told that the body was not Hannah's, and then he said he went to the apartment to find clues, because now the time was even more essential than before.

125 - Cleo realized that she hadn't heard Thomas use the key when he entered. She asked him how he got in and Thomas smiled and said it was clear that he had the key, and even made a kind of joke about whether Cleo didn't remember that he was Hannah's boyfriend.

126 - Cleo comments that Hannah and Thomas had fought a few weeks before she disappeared, and that he had returned the key to Hannah.

127 - Thomas took something from the apartment.

128 - After Cleo talks to us, she will talk to Richy, she said that when she was running she heard voices and jumped over the junkyard fence. Richy doesn't seem to care about that, and says that if Cleo wanted to reward him, she would just make the famous pyramid cake. And Cleo was already doing that.

129 - Richy says it was his voices arguing with Paul (Richy's dad) and then he says "She got lost outside again because he wasn't paying attention." (Who is "she" that Richy commented on? Was it his mother?)

130 - Jessy sends a message to the group of legends saying that she had an idea, that she was sure that in the library there was a book that told about mwaf.

131 - Jake sends us a message saying he got Poke's number. And we found out that we have to call Poke because he has a private account, luckily the connection fails so Poke is obliged to send a message to us.

132 - We found out that Poke is a keyring. And then it all makes sense, Dan bought a key from Poke so Thomas could get into Hannah's apartment.

133 - We talk about it to Jake and then he asks if we had talked to Cleo. We can comment that Thomas took something from the apartment, Jake asked if we knew what he had taken, of course we don't know, but we can guess that he took something that linked him to the kidnapping.

134 - We can also comment that Thomas lied to Cleo about the key.

135 - And we can tell that Hannah and Thomas had a fight. Jake is incredulous that Cleo has known this for so long and only tells it now.

136 - If we ask Jake what he thinks of all that, he replies that we have enough reason to be careful with Thomas. However, we should not yet feel safe with others.

137 - We asked Jake what we (MC) should do now. He responds to act normally around Thomas, as if we don't know any of this. Jake also says that we should find out about Thomas's side.

138 - Jessy went to the library, but the book had already been borrowed, and on top of that it was not known who was with it, and whoever had the book with it was already 4 days late to deliver.

139 - We see a conversation between Phil and Jessy. He said he was disappointed that Dan hadn't shown up on the first day of work.

140 - Apparently Cleo went to snoop around the bar (she had already commented that she would go to the bar to try to find new information, but she didn't tell us when she went.)

141 - We heard that Cleo asked Phil some questions about Hannah, and he was very rude. Saying that Hannah was flirting with someone, and that it was just a matter of time before she messed with the wrong guy.

142 - Richy asks if he should talk to Phil, if we say yes he will talk to him after he leaves work.

143 - Dan talks to Jessy, apologizing for what he had done, he said he had forgotten. Then he invites her to a date at the Black Swan.

144 - We found a photo of a raven carved in a tree in the forest.

145 - Jake starts writing, but then gives up, so we can talk about what it was, that it was the crow sign. Jake asked if this had anything to do with the legend we had mentioned earlier.

146 - Jake says he's going to leave it to us, and we can say "Because you don't believe that, right?", And then he says "No, because I trust you. I would suggest showing the photo to your friends."

Okay, I know, it doesn't have as many topics as the other, but I think I've reached the limit for now, and I have to do a few things now, so I don't have any more time to write =/

But I hope you like it and that it helps you in some way. See you in the next part! :)

(Well, 633 prints have been transcribed so far, with only 1677 left to write xP)

(Sorry if it have something confusing or has English errors ; -;)

Part one if you haven't seen it yet! DW-TOS1 

Ask box open!

[dyke-remy]

Live And Let Die, part 3

Part 1   part 2   Part 4   Part 5    Part 6

Description: Agent 008 and Agent 009, professional spies for the MI6 with liscense to kill. Partners in both work and love. After an agent goes missing the partners have to once more go out into the field. (It’s a James Bond AU)

You don’t need to know anything about James Bond to be able to read this fic, trust me

Cw: Described assasination

Words: 3832

The sun had just about risen when the agents woke up. It was the morning after the mission and they were laying cuddled up in the hotel bed. Remus had plopped himself on top of Remy and wrapped his arms around them like usual. He said it was to snuggle while they slept but it was really so that he could act as a human shield for them even in sleep.

"g'mornin my dear dead heart of min-" Remus began to mumble out but Remy placed a finger over his mouth to shut him up.

He laid still and listened. The sound of someone opening the door to the hotel room could be heard followed by quiet steps. The agents glanced at each other. From the angle Remy was laying at they couldn't see much except for the ceiling and their husband's face. Remus slowly moved his hand under the pillow and grabbed the knife he'd hidden under it just in case.

The footsteps continued until they stopped by the side of the bed. Out of the corner of his eye Remus saw the person move making his instincts go off. In one swift motion he'd turned around to press the knife against the enemy's neck.

"What a charming greeting 008" Q also known as Logan muttered out. He eyed the knife held against his neck with an unimpressed look on his face. He had a black briefcase with him.

"Q!!!" Both of the Rems let out a happy exclaim.

"You should have said you were coming!" Remy said while sitting up in the bed.

"That's what she said" Remus added.

"I wasn't going to but then I figured it would be for the best if this mission got another step"

Remus moved the blanket aside and patted the spot between the two Rems "Cuddle up motherfucker!"

"008 please put some pants on. I've seen That thing enough for a lifetime" Q stated before sitting down in the middle.

The Rems promptly latched onto him. Hugging him. Remy ran their hand through his pressed down curly hair. Remus nibbled kisses by the start of his neck.

"So 008, you said in your report from yesterday that the man who held the real copy of the keys to Picani's room was named Ron Stewart correct?"

"Yeah"

"Well I discovered that he is on a train today towards Lithuania along with cargo for his company. His company is stated as an electricity manufacturer but it didnt take a lot of research to find he also has ties to something else. I am not sure of what yet but it is earning him a lot of income. For your information Picani's mission before he was killed was to find solid evidence of what this side business was"

Remy held back a wince at the mention of Picani "Aight easy. We get on the train. I Kill him. We figure out like what the fuck he's up to and like revenge Emile. Piece of cake" Remus nodded along.

"Yes well" Q opened the briefcase "In other news I took a few gadgets with me to aid you" He took out a pair of black high heels and handed them to Remy "Same function as always. Black like you requested"

"It's 'cause black tots goes with like anything"

A small box, not bigger than a thumb, was up next. Q opened it slightly to show white pills inside before giving it to Remy "I've tried to make it so the taste of poison is even less subtle"

The enby got a sinister smile on their face "They won't know what hit them!"

Remus dragged in Logan's sleeve "Me time!! I want gadgets too!!!"

Q nodded before taking out a long thin black straw and gave it to the duke "Be careful. Please! This is your 7th laser so don't break it. It's not a knife. It's not a stick. It's a laser. It heats things up. It doesn't cut through things. It heats them up. Please I don't want to have to make another one"

The duke looked at it with a giddy smile before looking up. A few moments of silence went by before his smile disappeared "That's all? I only get 1 gadget???? Rem got 2! You're playing favorites just 'cause you fuck them!"

"No. I am playing favorites because they don't break their gadgets!........But I do actually have another gadget for the both of you"

Q took out 2 pens and several coins. He sat the coin as far away on the blanket as he could. He pressed down on a specfic point on it before leaning back and pressing the pen up and down 5 times. The coin exploded leaving a hole in the blanket. The Rems let out oooohs and ahhhhs in response.

"Explosives. Each coin causes 1 explosion. Right now I'll give you 20 to use but you can always request more. Oh and 008" He took out 2 packages of pills "You forgot you stimulants" It was to help him focus better, his lil autistic rat brain wasn't good at that "And antidepressants at the base again so I thought I'd bring them to you"

"Aww thanks Q. How caring!"

"No problem. As your quartermaster I must care for you after all. INcluding caring for your mental health. Well I wish you good luck on your mission"

The Rems glanced at each other before sending Q puppy eyes. "You can wish us good luck better than that can't you?"

Logan let out an amused sigh and rolled his eyes before nodding. He gave Remus a kiss on the lips before doing the same to Remy. He was aro and didn't see kissing as a serious thing, neither did the Rems. The kissing before missions was just a nice tradition.

Remy traced their finger over their lips "I already have a feeling this mission will go splendid"

--

3 hours later Remy was sitting by a luxurious vanity in front of a mirror. They were meticulously filling in their lips with cheery red lipstick. Remus came up from behind and put his hands on their shoulders before leaning down to press a kiss to their cheek.

The enby took the blade laying on the vanity and held it up to his face "Dear if you kiss me now you'll ruin my make up and I will have to kill you for that"

"Sounds like a sweet death" He teased in return.

"If I wanted to make it a sweet one I would"

Remus glanced around at the make up products while putting on an overly extra pout "Why can't I ever get to be the lady???"

"Hun you have a giant caterpillar on your upper lip and it is the bane of my existance. If you could just let me shave it off-"

The duke gasped and covered his precious mustache with his hands "NEVER!!!"

" Well it would make disguising you much easier. If some baddie sees you once they're gonna remember that nasty ass muschie for like months! And secondly you don't really have like the right bone structure. Like girl you would look like the most beautiful lady I'd ever seen but you wouldn't look like the kind of gal these dirtbags want y'know?"

"I know"

Remy leaned their head against his chest and smiled up at him. "When we get home I can make you look nice and pretty kay? I'll evem lend you my fav mini skirts...As long as your dumptruck ass doesn't destroy them"

Remus grinned and let out a giddy laugh "OHOHOHOH let's get these bitches killed so we can get home PLEase!!"

After another half hour Remy was ready to go. They'd hidden a blade on their left thigh and stuck the box of pills on the side of their underwear. Remus took them by the arm and they walked out into the hallway of the train. They looked around various mini suites before coming out into a bigger cart. The bar.

Blue satin sheets framed the windows. Sunlight strimmed in onto dark wooden tables with comfortable seats surrounding them. The bar was ornate and it's menu was filled with expensive cocktails.

The enby bumped their elbow into their husband's ribs before pointing over to a booth in the corner. There Ron Stewart sat alone with a bowl of olives and a beer.

Remus mumbled a quiet 'you got this' before letting go off their arm. He sat down by the bar at such an angle so he could watch Stewart without it being noticeable. He ordered a glass of water and began to sprinkle copious amount of salt and pepper into it as he watched Remy go up to Stewart. Their body language was completely different. He overheard something about coincidences and seeing him at the casino. It didn't take long until Stewart had moved so Remy could sit down next to him.

The duke let out a content sigh and looked out the window. It was in quiet moments like these, while waiting for his spouse to do what they did best, that he admired them more than ever. All he could do was sit and think about how much he loved them. How he loved Every part of them. Thinking and thinking until it felt like his heart would burst.

It wasn't until someone bumped into him he got out of his thoughts. He looked up and saw Remy leaning on the bar.

"Vodka martini. Shaken not stirred please" Remy ordered.

Remus poked his elbow into their ribs plafully "Dork. Using my dad's catchphrase like that" He teased with a smirk.

They rolled their eyes at him before adding "And you can place a bottle of champange in suite 17!"

While the bartender worked on it the enby sat down next to Remus. They looked in the other direction while speaking so Stewart wouldn't notice.

"He's involved in human trafficking. That's where his like money comes from. Was supa easy to get it out of him. Dirty bastard. Didn't get what is in the cargo but he joked that it wasn't human at least"

"Okay good!" Remus exclaimed "So we go to the cargo see whats up. And then when we're done we can go back and arrest Stewart when we're done. Easy peasy pumpkin pie motherfucker"

Remy dug their nails down into the table so hard it left marks "Nah I'm murdering him now"

Remus opened his mouth before closing it again and thinking. He decided the wise and only choice was to support his spouse in their killing ways "Okay yeah sure. Have fun. If you're not back in 15 minutes I'll assume something has gone wrong and will come help"

They sent him a small smile "Thanks babe"

They downed the martini in one sweep and took a deep breathe before putting on their fake smile again. They went back to Stewart. All it took was a few flirty comments while leaning close to him to get him to walk with them to his room. Like a lamb blissfully going to the slaughter.

The champagne had been set on the bedside table in a bucket of ice like they'd requested. Stewart sat down on the edge of the bed and patted the place next to him. Remy obediently sat down. A taste of nausea filled their mouth when he placed his hand on their inner thigh. But they kept their facade of liking it up. Kept it up even as he whispered what he wanted to do with them into their ear and pressed kisses to their neck.

Remy leaned away when he tried to go for a kiss on the mouth "Shall I get the champange Dear?"

He eagerly nodded in return. They got up and made sure to move slow. They cast a look back at him while moving their dress up up to their right hip, just enough so a bit of their underwear showed. They ran their hand under their underwear line feeling where the small box they'd hidden laid. The box with poisonous pills in it.

They kept their expression the same as they caught hold of the box and in one smooth motion hid it under their bracelet. They kept their dress up as they poured up the champange. Out of the corner of their eye they could see Stewart only looking at their thighs so they took the opppurtunity to let a single white pill go down into one of the drinks.

It dispersed in the drink in under a second. They made a mental note to give Q an extra kiss for his excellent job the next time they saw him. They gave the glass to him before sitting down to straddle his lap.

"Cheers" Remy said.

"Cheers baby"

Their smile widened as they watched him drink. They waited until he'd emptied the glass before smashing their own glass against his skull. Stewart barely had time to let out a yell before they'd pushed him down with his back against the bed. They laid their weight on hips to keep him down while forcing his arms over his head.

"What are you-" Stewart didn't finish his sentence. He let out a strange sound as his face began to turn red. The poison was setting in.

Remy took the blade from their thigh and held it up to his neck. Close enough to let out droplets of blood but not close enough to cut him open.

"When I got home after staying out all night for the first time my moms cried of relief because they were sure I'd been taken by human traffickers working for the likes of you. I've had friends go missing just 'cause people like you think no one will notice if a homeless person disappears" They growled out.

"I will-" He forced out.

"Honey you won't do shit" Remy interrupted. They let out a cold chuckle "You'll lay there and wait to see if the poison or-" They cut the knife into his neck with such precision it hit the veins just enough to open them, like they'd done a hundred times before "the blood loss kills you first"

Stewart couldn't say anything more. He was choking on air and blood at the same time. The white satin sheets turned red as Remy sat still and watched every slight change in his expression. It went from anger to a pained one to complete fear of death.

His legs kicked to instinctively try and get Remy off and his hands flailed around his neck to try and stop the bleeding but it was to no avail. Soon his limbs stopped moving and the desperate sounds he'd been letting out quieted. Before finally his eyes became glossy and he stopped blinking. The blood had stopped dripping out.

"Blood loss huh" Remy said to of course no answer.

They stood up and hid the blade under their dress again. They let out an annoyed groan when they noticed blood stains on the dress. They'd liked this one! They searched around the room for anything useful.

In the drawer of the nightstand they found a key card to the cargo section of the train. They gave themself a pat on the back and was about to leave when they saw a document that had laid next to the key. They stuffed it down their top to keep it for later. Q was usually the one who told them if a document was important or not.

Remus shone up into a big goofy grin when he saw his spouse return. He held himself back from giving them a big long kiss. They took his hand, intertwined their fingers, and pulled him along to the small passage leading up to the cargo parts of the train.

There was a thick metal door stopping them from entering the cargo part. With a triumphant smirk Remy pulled out the key card and unlocked out while Remus gave them a small round of applause.

008 kept his gun ready in his hand as he entered the first cargo train with 009 right behind him. There were 2 guards who both immediately reached for their guns. Remus shot one of them at the same time Remy threw their blade into the neck of the other.

The couple high fived. Remy was using the new gadget high heels Q had given them. They took the heels off so the high heel turned into a normal shoe, it somewhat looked like a ballet shoe. Inside the heels 2 more blades were hidden.

The train was empty aside from a few meaningless boxes but there were one more cargo cart to look through. "How about I stay here and make sure no like bitches come at you from this side and you continue to the rest of the like cargo?" Remy suggested.

"Sounds like a plan!"

Remus pressed a kiss to the top of their forehead before quickly continuing on to the small outside part connecting the two carts. Remy closed the door behind him.

He pressed his ear against the door to the next cart. There were footsteps coming from the other side. He rolled up his sleeves before jumping up and just about grabbing on to the edge of the cart's roof. With a strained groan he heaved himself up. The wind nearly knocked him over as soon as he stood up. It was the last cart so whatever was important in the cargo section had to be in there.

The roof was made out of metal. Remus took out the black laser. He was careful to not point it at himself as he moved it against the roof. When he turned it a spark went off before it's cold blue almost fire looking laser burried down into the roof.

Slowly the metal began to melt. He moved it just as slowly around in a square motion. Until it had melted enough that he was able to move it. He made sure the laser created a small hole, just about to press a few fingers in, before turning it off. He covered his hands in the fabric of his shirt and let out a grunt as he grabbed onto the hole in the metal and moved it until a small opening down into the carriage had been made.

He peered down and like he'd suspected there were at least 10 guards inside. All of them were heavily armed. There was no way Remus would be able to take them all.

Luckily he didn't have to. He took one of the explosive coins and clicked on it before dropping it down into the carriage. He didn't even give the guards a chance to react before detonating it.

No more sounds came from inside the carraige. Remus dropped down from the roof and opened the door. The guards laid still on the ground. He checked their pulses. It was going slow and unsteady so they wouldn't be waking up soon (aka in several days probably).

There wasn't much in the carriage. A few box filled with guns and ammunition littered the wooden floor but aside from that all there was was a metal box in the corner. It was big enough to fit a human if they hunched down. It was thick enough that he doubted even one of the explosives would get it open. He tried the key to open it but it didn't work.

"What the fuck" He mumbled to himself.

On the sides and top of the box things were engraved. He was unsure if it'd been engraved a knife or...teeth.....somehow. The same sentences were written over and over.

Remus tried to read it but all the words swirled around and changed places. He hit his hands against his head and tried to concentrate. Usually Remy read things for him when on missions (and when home too honestly), and before he had them he had.....He had.....

He despised his dyslexia so much. Sensory overload could be avoided by Q ordering clothes with the exact textures he could handle and making him earpieces that filtered out just enough sound so he wouldn't panic. People didn't notice his lack of eye contact and fumbling with social cues and voice tones as long as he was looked normal. But there was no way to get around his dyslexia.

It took (in his opinion) an embarrassing amount of time before he was able to piece the words together. But when he finally did his body went cold.

Targets: 0̶0̶5̶ 0̶0̶1̶2̶ 009 008 - Remus Smythe

They knew his name. They knew his name.

Remus felt nauseous. His heart was beating so fast he could hear it. How the fuck did they even know that. What more did they know?? He was used to people knowing his name as Remus Smythe the son of Octavia Smythe. But not as Remus smythe the 008 agent.

He knew his mom could defend herself. All of the women, his caregivers, on the floating palace could. but still. At least they didn't know Remy's name. At least- At least- They were after them though! They specifically wanted to murder the love of his life.

Sure people had been trying to kill them before. Many a times. But he and Remy had known the two of them were strong enough to proctect themself. But....but....these people had killed Picani. Emile Picani! They could- they would-

He took a step back. Logically he should figure out a way to open the box. That was why he has here wasn't it? But he had to make sure Remy was okay. Had to-

He turned around and quickly went towards the door. He stopped midstep as he heard something metal-like crash under his foot. He looked down and realized he'd stepped on a dogtag one of the guards had been holding.

The metal plate was cold in Remus' hand as he tried to read it. His eyes widened. He didn't have to struggle to make the words out. He would always be able to recognize that name in an instant.

His hand shook as he forced the dogtag down into his pocket. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't breathe.

He stumbled out from the carriage before throwing the door open to the next one. He was hyperventilating as he collapsed onto his knees. He looked up through tears at the blurry sight of Remy.

They'd been sitting on a box cleaning one of their blades while using the bodies of the guards they'd killed as a footstool. When they saw their husband they quickly went over and sat down in front of him. They moved their arms around his shoulders while checking for injuries.

"What happened? Are you hurt?"

"R-remy" He cried out. He hugged them as tight as he could and slumped his head against their chest. Uneven sobs racked his body.

"It's okay. It's okay babe. Shhh. Breathe for me" They moved their hand through his hair to soothe him "Just follow my breathing"

"You c-can't be hu-hurt"

"I'm not. I promise. You always take my injuries for me like an idiot. I'm 100% okay"

"It's- They- He-"

With a shaky hand he took out the dogtag from his pocket. It felt like the name engraved on it burned into his skin. Remy held onto his hand.

"What- who's tag is that?"

Remus glanced up at them with tear filled eyes "The f-former 009. Roman"