#or the fact that I had to convince me bf to clean up cause i invited my 0

[xxlelaxx]

Am I too annoying for wanting people to keep everything clean and do little cleaning tasks as soon as possible?

I get it if you want to eat first, but you can still make sure if there is shit on the stove to wipe it away as soon as possible? Or if you dirty one of our most frequently used pots to clean it as soon as possible? I'm not talking about full on cleaning but like wiping down surfaces you used... Not leaving food residue clogging up the sink... You know basic decency kind of stuff

We are four people with different schedules living here. The non-binary roommate spends most of the time working, but if she's here she does her part on helping. But when she isn't the boys take all the time in the world and it annoys me... But I'm probably being to sensitive about it... So yeah...

[mcbride]

TWD S11 Predictions - Carol/Daryl focused

disclaimer: i don't know anything. i have no sources. just my predictions, thoughts and wishful thinking based on filming tracking, intuition, some theories, images from the teaser/promo trailers and more wishful thinking!

solely focused on Carol and Daryl's storylines, cause apparently that's all my heart cares about anymore! as a wise person once said (Espy, my positive fairy! if you're reading this, ilysm), our baes need to be dealing with their own issues and demons, separately, while getting some closure with other people, so they can finally move forward together.

so i don't expect many actual caryl scenes in part 1 of s11, but i fully expect them to keep each other in mind, and even make some decisions based on a future they wanna have together even before they resolve the awkward tension between them atm.

imo the perfect caryl arc in 11a would include a lot of emotional encounters, drama, disappearances, fake deaths, torture, tragedy, dog, closure and make up and make out... after the jump....

it appears that Carol and Daryl will be involved in different missions at the start of the season - he will head out with Maggie's group to search for food when they are caught up in a storm and have to hide out in the subway tunnels; while i presume she stays back to defend and help clean up ASZ or goes on her own mission with Kelly and Magna.

Carol, Kelly and Magna end up stumbling upon Connie's journal, a symbol of hope for all of them. they might even decide to search the area for any more signs of Connie. i really want Carol herself to find Connie and bring her back to Kelly. and not cause Carol is a hero who saved Connie, nooooooo cause Connie can save her own self. she is strong, not a damsel in distress. she went through hell but she made it back. i think we will see Connie and what she has been through, however, i don't believe she will reunite with anyone from team family before the MSF (11x08) or even MSP (11x09). no idea who she and Virgil are running from in the trailer - it could either be a whisperer, a stray reaper or just some crazy random motherf*cker they run into.

while Maggie's group are in the tunnels, dog runs off and Daryl goes to search for him, never making it back to the group for some reason. after the storm is over, Maggie and the group search for Daryl but not having been able to find him (?) they just assume he is gone, possibly dead? i don't know why Maggie would give up so easily searching for family, but it seems like her current MO to just leave people behind.

along the way, Carol and Magna will find common ground and actually become besties cause she desperately needs some female friends. please and thank you. they can bond over the hope to find Connie alive and well, or the fact, both of them are currently in a very awkward position with their boos while having no idea where the heck they are.

Daryl probably got separated from the group while escaping a small herd in the tunnels (cue to Daryl's face covered in blood in the woods) and when he finally finds dog, he comes face to face with a masked reaper formerly known to him as Leah. he is shocked to learn she's part of the group that targeted Maggie. Leah is probably bitter Daryl chose his family instead of her a few years ago cause she has no idea he came back for her... so she and her friends take (willingly or not!) Daryl prisoner... possibly torture him and play mind games to gather information on team family.

in the sdcc trailer, there are some very heartbreaking scenes with Carol (and Aaron?), i cannot wait for it. i know it's gonna make me cry so hard and i've been needing Carol/Aaron friendship for years. at the same time, i expect Carol to also have some badass fighting scenes with her daughter-in-law and new bestie, Lydia, and tia Rosita! YES girl power!! people need Carol and she's totally there for them.

Aaron seems to be in a bad place emotionally (possibly something happened to Gracie, or just the fact they lost a lot of people in the whisperers war!) and Carol will be there to urge him not to make the same mistakes she did. hopefully, these 2 can join forces and come up with a masterplan to defeat the reapers.

Daryl being Daryl who always wants to save people even from themselves, tries to convince Leah to change sides, join team family, or convince her own family to leave his family alone. he's unsuccessful and when Daryl tries to escape, setting the whole place on fire and killing a few men on his way out of the reapers compound, Leah threatens to harm dog. cause why not? she obvi loves nothing or no one! they take Daryl back to another cell, and dog manages to escape.

meanwhile, Maggie's group returns to ASZ, where they tell Carol they believe Daryl is lost or dead. please give me all the angst that comes with Carol thinking she may have lost Daryl forever! she has been pretty committed to the group and rebuilding their home, but i believe her first instinct will be to run, to leave... TO FIND DARYL!!! cause no way in hell would Carol just accept he's gone unless she sees it with her own eyes.

WELL in true 'if you can't beat them, then join them' fashion, after a few brainwashing sessions with Leah, Daryl tells her all about the note (FIND ME) he left for her at the cabin, how he knows he made the wrong decision then, declares his loyalty to her and joins the reapers...

dog arrives at ASZ just as Carol is about to leave to search for Daryl. good boy always comes back home to mama and together they will find and save dada. (bear with me! from now on i'll be totally running wild with my wishful thinking... it will pretty much read like some fanfic plot!)

Daryl keeps trying to fit in with the reapers group, but he's only taking a page from Carol's undercover book - fake it till you make it + destroy them from the inside. what he doesn't know is that Leah and her new/old bf (Pope!?) have been planning an attack on ASZ behind his back. they simply let him know, this is his chance to prove himself to the reapers. he has to go along with the plan (or DIE!), but he hopes to be Alexandrians' inside man, helping them protect their family at all costs (ironically, exactly what Negan did when he joined the whisperers and they attacked Hilltop... just not the same motivation! i guess Carol wasn't so wrong about Negan after all!)

at night, Daryl puts on his reaper costume and they head to ASZ. reapers learned the location of the place by tracking dog. the plan was much bigger and more explosive than Daryl expected, the reapers destroy a big part of ASZ brand new rebuilt wall and set fire to a bunch of houses and the mill before Daryl can even react.

Alexandrians and reapers fight as Daryl sneaks out to lead the kids to safety. he finds Maggie, asks for Carol, and is glad she is out there looking for him, relatively safe, rather than around to fight and watch ASZ fall.

while out looking for Daryl, Carol hears the explosions, sees the fire and she and dog return to ASZ as fast as they can. they are greeted by Leah at what used to be front gate...

i realize this is getting extremely long, so i'll just say that i absolutely don't want Carol to have anything to do with Leah's possible imminent death. i don't want that guilt on her conscience, and i don't want her to feel like Leah is just another person she took from Daryl (like Connie!). i don't even want Leah to die! unless she's trying to hurt or kill Daryl.

somehow i think it would be a good twist, if for a quick second Carol thought Daryl had betrayed them and joined the reapers for Leah. of course, Carol knows better. SHE KNOWS DARYL. he would never, but for a brief panicked moment, it would be good to see her react to that. i can only imagine the pain in her eyes. but she also trusts Daryl with her life.

we have no idea what Leah knows about Carol, but i'd like the pocketknife Daryl regifted to come back. how would Leah react? likely angry to see another woman with something that was hers. i want to believe Daryl would never tell Leah anything about Carol because she is just too important and too personal to share. but maybe Leah can tell there was someone else !? who knows.

i just want it to be completely clear Daryl is done with that part of his past. Daryl is not alone and lost in the woods anymore without his brother Rick and his bestie Carol. ever since Carol brought him back, Daryl has acted like he knows exactly what he wants and he's done playing games. and what he wants is not Leah or Connie. he wants for ALL his family to be safe and happy, and he wants to run away with Carol and see the world. AND i want both Carol and Daryl to feel free to be free and live freely.

as for the make up and make out part... (that's saved for 11b, hopefully!)

team family won, most of the reapers are dead, except for Leah. Daryl (with Carol's nod of approval!) decides to spare her, gives her some supplies and tells her to get lost. at the same time, Eugene arrives with the troopers from CommonWealth to help with the whisperer war. WHOOPS. 2 wars, 2 late, bruh! but the group leaves to join the good people at CW.

Carol and Daryl have a very long conversation about everything that happened and what they have been feeling. Daryl telling her exactly why he was so mad at her (she kept leaving, can't commit!), her actions (almost getting herself killed!) since Henry's death and how he needs her in his life. no matter how she sees herself or whether she thinks she's worthy or not, he just wants her to be there next to him for whatever is to come.

plus Carol realizing she needed to get closer and let people in without fear, not give up hope and actually fight for a better future for herself. and finally, admitting to Daryl that it was horrible to think he might've been gone forever, promising to never make him feel the way she felt. basically, a promise to never ever leave him again (cue to making out!)

[onyourzeus]

12:15 am | kyh

ykcyj ➝ arskyh

title: 12:15am pairing: kang younghyun (youngk of day6) & you genre: fluff, small caps words: 2.4k

author’s note: extra fic for tonight, just all around fluffy bf!yonk getting a call from his drunk s/o in the middle of the night. do enjoy.

any requests? check my pinned post if i’m accepting any at the moment, thanks!

younghyun loves the grind. but if there’s anything else that he looks forward to during a hard and long day of working, it’s the feeling of coming home once he’s done. he makes sure to take off his shoes with as less noise as possible, knowing the fact that his roommates slash bandmates are enjoying their sleeping hours of peace and solitude. 

with just a loose shirt and boxers on, he finally feels less restricted and more comfortable in his own skin. the urge to clean himself of sweat, and polluted air that had clung on him with a nice, hot shower is tempting— but the exhaustion in his heavy shoulders and drooping eyelids convince him otherwise. 

he’ll hate himself for dirtying his sheets, but tomorrow is sunday which means it’s time to do his laundry, anyway. 

tossing his used clothes in the hamper, he prepares his body to get swallowed by the softness of his comforter, and the warm void of his thick blankets. of course, before he passes out entirely tonight, he doesn’t forget to send you a text. the one important thing he shouldn’t miss out on. 

really tired. gonna crash in 2 seconds. text you tmr, love you

usually, younghyun would wait until you respond because the many heart emojis that come his way act as his goodnight kiss while the two of you are apart. besides, you normally reply in an instant which is a habit he’s worried about, really, since you need some rest too. 

he tries to fight the sleepiness away from his senses, but the more he sits on his bed, back hunched and ready to collapse, the less energy he has left to wait for your message. he frowns, suddenly wondering about your whereabouts. you always tell him first hand if you’re too busy to check your phone throughout the day, and younghyun appreciates the thoughtfulness. even if he couldn’t reply “okay” right away, the two of you have a shared sense of understanding as to how your kind of long distance relationship works by now. 

sighing, he eventually puts his phone on the bedside table and plops himself in the covers. it feels really, really good to be in his own personal space now, and younghyun thinks he deserves to rest longer than normal tonight; it was a pretty productive day in the studio. he finished another collab with an artist he’s been meaning to contact for months, and he was glad it came to fruition with great success. he also managed to write a few arrangements for the band’s upcoming album, even if the group decided it was too early to work on it yet. 

younghyun believes it’s never too early as long as inspiration is present. if he didn’t so much as write down possible lyrics or harmonies on a piece of paper every day, he’d slowly feel his motivation being sucked out of him. if he was being honest, that was one of his worst fears as an artist, so every day is work for him, it just depends on how much he wants to get done in a day. 

as his thoughts fizzle out in his mind, his consciousness brings him to dreamland until a constant vibrating noise disrupts him from his end table. younghyun is about to pull the sheets over his head, thinking nothing of the sound but an annoying notification from something unimportant— but then he remembers you. 

with his second guess being right, younghyun has a twinge of guilt in his throat for believing you were not worth it to get up from the coziness of his bed. rubbing his eyes to seem more awake, he picks up the call and greet you in a whisper. 

“hi, baby, what’s up?” younghyun says, voice low and hoarse from multiple recordings in the studio. 

“cheese,” you mumble on the other end, voice rather solid and awake which causes younghyun to perk up a bit. 

“what was that?” 

“cheeeeese, brian,” you slur, elongating the repeated word as well as saying it in a higher pitch. immediately, younghyun senses the somewhat incoherent mumble in your nevertheless pretty voice, and judging from the fact you unironically called him by his english name, there was only one explanation: you’re drunk. 

he finds himself smiling as he answers, “are you home, babe?” he wasn’t angry about you drinking, he does remember you telling him a few days ago that you might go out with friends but you weren’t sure when. maybe tonight was the night and you just forgot to remind him; no big deal. 

“i think so?” you hiccup, followed by a soft chuckle. younghyun’s heart soars at the sound, and it pains him at the same time that he couldn’t be there to hold and take care of you. he leans against the headboard, making himself more comfortable as he listens to you ramble on. 

“all i know is that— burp— it was wendy’s birthday… or was it her cousin? cause she was there too, and i never met her before and— oh my god, i don’t even remember her name i’m such a bad new friend— whatever, anyway, it was someone’s celebration and we bar hopped to a lot of places and it became really sweaty and loud and at one point i had a flamingo shot in my hand and and—”

“hold up, flamingo? you mean flaming?” younghyun interjects, chuckling at your jumbled up story. he imagines you shaking your head as you whine at him for interrupting you. “no, nooooo. it was red and fiery and there was a lot of smoke and i’m sure it represented the beautiful, long-legged bird called flemings.”

this time, younghyun couldn’t stop himself from choking out a laugh, and in turn you huff from the other end, and refuse to continue further. 

“i’m sorry, go on. please, i’m interested with what happened after you took this mysterious shot that starts with an f.”

“are you sure you won’t laugh?” he hears you quip in a tiny, slurring voice, and it his chest tightens at the thought of making you go through this drunken state alone. younghyun cards through his hair in frustration towards himself, realizing how much he misses you in the moment. he doesn’t want you to stop talking, god if he can only see your lips move in person—

“i promise, babe. so, what happened next?”

“if you say so,” you mutter indignantly, but proceed with the story even though you’re unsure of where it’s going. “um, actually. that was it. i think i took everyone’s flamingo shots in their hands and next thing i remember, wendy or her cousin or whoever it was tucked me in bed and now i’m in the kitchen eating cheese.” 

the string of words you had uttered made younghyun feel three emotions in succession: one, impressed that you were able to down more than one shot while he’s not there to monitor you; two, relieved that you confirmed your safety inside your apartment; and three, plain confusion as to why you didn’t stay in bed and instead, eating what you say is cheese while on the call with him. 

“can we turn on the videocall?” he asks gently, and you hesitate.

“i don’t look cute right now…”

“you’re always cute. please?” he tries to sound convincing, knowing that you do get insecure when your face is flushed red from the alcohol. even still, he doesn’t tire from complimenting you otherwise. 

“okay,” you relent, and younghyun’s heart skips a beat anticipating the sight of you on his phone. he turns on his camera, and he’s appalled at what he sees: daar under eyes, no make up on, and a face that describes weariness to a T. in this case, it should be him who feels insecure looking the way he is, but he’d take the risk if it meant seeing your face. 

“hello? is this thing on??” after a few seconds of lag, your screen cleared up and younghyun watches you poke the camera repeatedly. “bri, it’s so dark in here am i even alive right now?”

you never fail to lift his mood up during an exhausting day of activities— as your schedules collide against each other, and there would be less time for moments like right now, younghyun only asks for a few texts sent his way as reassurance that you’re still with him. you always comply, and sometimes younghyun doesn’t get to uphold his side of the commitment during the rare days that he just want to shut off the world.

still, he’ll wake up from a text with your name on it, and the hearts he missed the night before. and he feels whole, and ready to take on the world again.

so this time, younghyun wants to make you feel heard— and seen, as these days work seems to occupy more of his time and burden him with the pressure of exceeding his own expectations. you don’t like seeing him worry about how he’s doing in the industry, so younghyun does his best to appear cheerful and curious in front of you— or his phone, at least.

“yes, you’re very much alive right now, babe. are you really eating cheese at this hour?” he shouldn’t have asked. it was obvious the thing in your hand was, in fact, string cheese being eaten in the most ungodly fashion, but it’s you— and younghyun would rather watch you bite into it, cringing inwardly, instead of passing out with another day longing for your presence. 

“let’s eat cheese together,” you suggest, shoving the half-bitten string cheese into the center of the camera as if it was a mic being handed over to younghyun. “do you want to eat cheese with me, bri?” you ask again, tone small but hopeful. you put your hand down, and younghyun finally has a full view of your face. 

you had taken your makeup off, judging from the bare skin and slightly smeared lipstick on the side of your lips. your hair was splayed out down your shoulders, a combination of curly and straight strands framing your beautiful face. he surmises you used a curling iron this morning, imagining the frustration on your facial features as you try to make it work. 

“briannnn, cheese?” 

younghyun focuses on the present, and he notices the glimmer in your eyes amidst the only light coming on your end was his screen’s brightness. he shakes his head slowly which causes you to pout. 

“no thank you, baby, you can have it all.” 

“but i saved some for you, right here. you get the other half. just like you’re my other half. hehe, get it?” 

“yes, baby, that’s very sweet and clever of you.”

“you should hire me as your lyrics… manager. maker? lyrics person? lyricist!” you grin widely after figuring out the right term, and take another bite off the string cheese. 

“i think you’re doing a great job at being my girlfriend, though,” younghyun tells you, and it takes a few seconds for those words to process until he hears the eventual whine, and covering of your face with your free hand. 

“babe.” no response.

“baaabe.” you mumble something he couldn’t hear. younghyun takes in how adorable you are, and doesn’t pester you for a minute. this bothers you, apparently, as you peek through your fingers and catch him doing one of his silly faces that corners you to laugh abruptly. 

“not fair!! you know that works every time,” you whine in defeat, and younghyun can only smile proudly in response. 

“you know,” you start off, and younghyun prepares himself for another stream of consciousness on your end before you continue, “even if we’re far away from each other, and that we can’t eat cheese together, you’re still the best boyfriend in the entire galaxy.” 

if there’s anything else that younghyun loves apart from the feeling of coming home after work, it’s the feeling of being loved by you. 

he waits for you to finish your string cheese, and you argue that you’d like to eat another one. but it was getting late, and younghyun didn’t want to look even more tired on call, so he urges that you two fall asleep while the call goes on. 

as he wiggles back inside the covers, he watches you struggle to get your whole body in the comfort of your blanket. his hand holds on the phone as he readies himself to sleep sideways. 

“stupid blanket,” you mutter in annoyance, deciding to take one leg out of the warm sheets and at last, feel content on your bed.”that’s better,” you sigh, eyes falling asleep before younghyun. 

“comfortable?”

“not really.”

“oh, why not?” younghyun asks. 

“you’re not here beside me.” and your answer breaks his heart. 

younghyun is pretty good at consoling you with his words at times when you need it, but you beat him to it this time. 

“it’s okay though, younghyun, i can get by like this for now. i know—” you yawn in between, “you’re working super hard for the next comeback— actually, you work no matter what project you’re doing, babe. you’re insane, i hope you know that.”

it was younghyun’s turn to blush, and hide his face in the pillow. the drowsiness is making him soft, and weak from denying the truth in your words. he can definitely agree with a lot of people in his life that he needs to take it slow some days. and when it comes from you, he then knows to take that advice seriously. 

“i do know that, baby.” 

“it’s not bad, though!!” you object, zooming in to your eyes as if to let him know you’re saying it as a good thing. younghyun chuckles again, lifting his face up so he can witness your goofy antics once more. 

“i think it’s… really badass. you go younghyun,” you yawn again, dropping the phone as sleep attempts to befall upon you. “sorry, my hand was getting numb.”

“that’s okay, go to sleep now.” 

“no, you.” 

“that’s literally what we’re trying to do, babe.” 

he hears you snicker, and with that he felt it was okay to lay his phone next to him, too. he probably wouldn’t see your face in the morning on the call anymore as his phone wasn’t fully charged at all. however, as he hears you quietly snoring on the other end gives him a sense of security, and the status of his dead phone battery doesn’t matter so much for now. 

“i love you,” he whispers into the night, eyes closing in, smile taking him to dreams where he can hold you tight.

“love you more, younghyun.”

[yumehoxo]

Convinced -eren x reader

⚠️Warning this story contains mature content!⚠️ (Substance use, alcohol, sexual content, strong language) All characters are 18 or older

*Ding*

*Ding*

"Ughhh how much more fucking annoying can you get?" You think to yourself. It was 12:03 pm, and Connie won't stop texting you. Every since break started all you have been doing, is staying home, watching Netflix, getting high as fuck, eat, then fall asleep. (As you should be). Your roommate was not home yet since last night when she said she was going to a "get-together" with some friends, and Connie wouldn't stop texting you about the party he went to last night. "Why can't they all just leave me alone??!! A bitch gotta get some me-time." You thought, "it's not like I want to go out in this cold weather anyway, tch". You walk over to your bathroom which surprisingly not as messy, except the bottles of soap sitting around your sink and an occasional Plan b packet or two. "This bitch needs to stop taking my Plan b, what if I need that later... who am I kidding as if I'm going to need it, i don't plan on hooking up with anyone anytime soon!" You said to yourself.

You start fixing your bathroom, throwing away all the empty bottles and astray swishers, you take all the useless tissues lying on the floor and throw them all into the bin to take out to the trash cans in front of your complex. You don't complain about where you live..."it's nice and quiet and the people here are-" The door slams open. "OMG Y/N YOU WILL NEVER GUESS WHAT HAPPENED!" Shouted your roommate, Alessia. She was a pretty, pale skin toned girl, with green eyes, and huge tits. You often find yourself thinking.."I would low key hook up with her if she wasn't a disgusting, annoying, loud bitch". But you still respected her she'd always help you with whatever you going through, and she was surprisingly really smart. You thought of her as more of an irresponsible older sister than a roommate. You can hear footsteps rushing to your bathroom door, and the door finally slam open, "OMG girl- you will NEVER guess what happened last night" Alessia half screamed. Her hair was a mess and she was holding her heels in one hand and phone in the other. "So I went to this party last night with my friends and I met this SUPERRRR HOT guy, his name was Jean and we ended up hooking up and he asked for my number and I have a date tomorrow with him" she squealed, she was so happy you could've sworn you saw sparkles shimmer though her eyes...then it hit you... "DID YOU JUST SAY JEAN?!" You basically shouted at her with a look of surprise written all over your face. "yeah I did... whyyyyy, how do you know him?" she said sharply to you. You swallowed hard and said to her... "we dated for all of high school, I mean we never actually had sex but he gave me head, vice-versa" you said while lighting a blunt. "girl- no fucking way, should I cancel the date? If you want me to I will!" She said with a concerned look on her face. "Nahh, I don't really give a fuck, not like it was anything serious" you said as you exhaled smoke from your mouth as the familiar tingly sense you get from smoking hits you. "Awww, are you sure I feel bad now!" Alessia exclaimed. "Bitch I just said I don't care, now get the fuck out of my bathroom and go get your self cleaned up" you say while opening the window to get some fresh air. "Okayyy~ thank you love, also your should go out more I haven't seen you leave the house once except to go get food and pick up weed from your plug, I'm really concerned about you.." Alessia said with a look of desperation. "Girl that is none of your business , if you keep on talking I'll take back what I said about your date with Jean earlier." You stated coldly to her flicking off excess ashes from you blunt. "Nooo-noooooooo don't do that, fine I'll leave you aloneeee!" She said in a whiny tone, as you heard her stumble off to her room and slam the door shut.

"Just when I thought I was going to get some peace and quiet" you said to yourself rolling your eyes. You picked up your phone and FaceTimed Connie, ready to chew him out for waking you up. As the line trilled you turned on your shower to wait for the the hit water to come. "YOOOOO Y/N! Why didn't you answer my texts??" Connie shouted through the phone causing you to lower your volume. "Because I was fucking asleep jackass and you woke me up-" "Why are your eyes so red?" Connie interrupted you, "I swear imma kill that little mother fucker one day" you thought to yourself, clearly irritated. "Why is it any if your business?" You responded back to Connie. "Because I'm your best friendddd" he replied back in a singy-songey voice. "How many times have I told you to lay off the weed?" Connie asked in a matter of fact tone. "Clearly not enough" you said back in a bratty attitude ,blowing smoke straight to the camera. "Yooo pass me some" Connie joked with you , " I'm too broke to buy any weed since I'm too busy buying Sasha food" he said with a pouty expression. " Awww how cute, I wish I had a bf like youuu"  you said in an almost pouty, yet cold way. "If you want to find someone like that then you should go to more parties, they're are plenty of guys who would want to do that for you, I haven't seen one guy who hasn't wanted you whenever we go out." Connie said. "Hmmm maybe I will.." you said to Connie. You could see his whole face light up "WAIT ARE YOU FRL? YOU'LL ACTUALLY COME TO A PARTY?!" Connie asked excitedly. "Yeah sure why not, it's just like I have anything better to do anyways" you shrugged. " Yeh for real, your such a homebody" Connie joked with you. "Yeah I really am- OH SHIT MY SHOWER I GOT TO GO CONNIE BYEEEE" you ended the phone and hopped right in. The comforting feeling of the warm water hitting your bare back made you feel like you never wanted to leave. You washed you hair and body, shaved your legs, and exfoliated your skin. As you got out of the shower you wrapped your towel around you realizing your didn't bring clothes into the bathroom and you have to go to your room. You took a bra and panties set you bought from VS and put it on. You put lotion in your skin and did your facial routine, you never needed much makeup anyway since you were natural beauty, but you never admitted it. You threw on a pair of tight black sports shorts and a mesh crop top to go with it. You snapped a mirror pic making sure to get all of your curves into the photo and sent it as you streaks for the day. "Wow I can't believe I'm going to go to a party after so many months..." you thought to yourself.

*Ding*

Connie:

-Yo imma pick you up at around 7:30-ish to be ready.

"Ughh I hope I'm making the right decision”.

————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————

AUTHORS NOTE:

Y'all this is my first time writing a Fanfic so please don't kill me if it's not good 😭😭.

If y'all could please tell me any suggestions, or errors I made I would greatly appreciate it 🤧

Anyway love y'all muah. 🥰💞✨

[meismalis]

*TW* This post contains details about drug use, abuse and rape.

Just listened to the otherside by macklemore and Ryan Lewis for the first time again since my before my addiction

It was my favorite song in grade 12 but man it hits different now.

I started with Percocet, on to oxy 20s then 40s then 80s, then morphine (eslons, hydromorphs) then started shooting the morphine. Eventually ended with heroin and fentanyl. At the end of it I was shooting 5 points of fentanyl laced heroin a day.

I remember meeting up with a guy I never really hungout with before and we went a picked up and he did half a point and I did a 2 point smash of fentanyl and he would not let me do anymore than half a point. I was like listen, I'm not going to die, that will take away the withdrawals but I will barely feel it and I had to literally give him my narcan to get ready to revive me because he didn't believe me. He was stunned at the fact that me, a 98 pound girl at the time, could smash 2 points of fentanyl laced heroin.

My habit was a MINIMUM of $100 a day, and that was just to not be sick. I wanted to actually get high? At least $200-300 that day.

One day, my bf and I were driving after picking up and pulling into an empty parking lot to do a smash and he looked over at the passenger seat and I was passed out, white as a ghost, barely breathing, making gargling noises. He later said it sounded like a drain draining coming out of my throat, the life literally draining out of me. He couldn't call 911 because we had one shitty phone cause we sold our phones for drugs, and that phone didn't have a sim card, only on free wifi would we be able to use it. We were on a long country road too with barely anything around. He ended up pulling into a Tim Hortons after a while and dragged me out of the car on the ground crying and screaming for someone to call 911. 911 arrived and pulled me away in the ambulance and the last thing he heard them say as we pulled away was "I'm not getting a pulse" the cops didn't press charges on him, I guess because they thought he was just about to lose his girlfriend, and took the needles and stuff out of the car and let him go to the hospital.

Meanwhile I'm in the ambulance unconscious with barely a heartbeat, and woke up violently with a massive needle in my chest. They gave me narcan and it didn't work so they jammed an adrenaline needle in my heart, then the narcan started to take effect. I immediately went into precipitated withdrawals, it was hell. The first thing I did was scream at the paramedic for ruining my high and started crying. When my bf came to the hospital and saw that I was okay, he came running up to hug me and the first thing I asked was if he got the drugs out of the car. I was relieved when he said yes. I was about to be released but I was in horrible withdrawals and couldn't wait even one more minute, I went to the bathroom and grabbed the needle and cooker out of my underwear and did a shot right there in the bathroom of the hospital after nearly dying.

When I say you lose all sanity and everything about yourself when addicted to opiates, I mean it. You are chemically a different person. You are physically dependant on something to keep you okay. If you don't have it, the worst pain and symptoms you have ever felt in your life take over. It feels like you need to open up your chest and itch your heart, it feels like your skeleton needs to burst out of your skin, your skin is full of pins and needles, the burning kind. You're sweating buckets, nauseous AF, migraine galore. Every single part of your body is extremely uncomfortable and painful. Your eyes, your fingertips, your fucking hair follicles. Everything is on fire. I would not wish it upon my worst enemy. The way I describe it isn't dramatic enough, it's 10000x worse than what you can imagine. And one little pill or shot takes it all away immediately, and puts you in the most warm, cozy, state of euphoria you have ever felt. Going from death's door to that feeling, I can't describe it. Now as I'm writing this, I have the urge to break 3 years of full on soberness and shoot heroin up my veins. I won't lie, I would love it. Its orgasmic......but I know it isn't worth it. Well, that's actually half a lie. To part of me, anything is worth it. Which is why I had to hit absolute rock bottom and have some pretty horrible things happen to me to get sober.

It's very difficult for me to talk about but there was a 3 month period were I was held hostage by a trafficker and couldn't escape because my bf would of literally been killed. I was forced to break up with him and go with him. He constantly had his "buddies" with me if he wasn't there. Those months were full of pain and numbness. I wasn't trafficked myself (he "loved me so much and didn't want that life for me") but I helplessly watched as he would bring me everywhere to keep an eye on me, including the sketchy hotel rooms where girls would be meeting guys and supplied with their drug of choice and he would pick up the money these girls made, leaving them with like 15% of what they made. Some of these girls were so young. Barely turned 18. Some may have even been 16, 17. It was horrid.

Everytime he would kiss me or touch me, I wanted to throw up. I was high AF every single time, it was the only way I could deal with it. Its very difficult for me to talk about what he did to me in details, I can barely tell my therapist. Anyways, I ended up getting away, I ended up getting a note to my bf and explained everything, and I had to beg him not to react, not to basically kill him. He went to the police and they knew his name, and he had the police come and find me. They ended up fake arresting me and putting me in a cop car so I could get away without suspicion. The cops took a statement from me and ended up raiding the hotel I told them about. Unfortunately no charges came about as the girls were "willing" and "consenting" and "gave the money they made willingly". It makes me sick to my stomach that nothing happened regarding that.

I ended up getting a restraining order (to this day, I'm terrified he will find out where I am) and leaving Oshawa with my bf, and we ended up in a different Town and got clean not too long after that. Since then, I have gotten back to a semblance of myself. I have been COMPLETELY clean about 2 months over 2 years. I started my journey of being clean 4 years ago essentially, I was clean for a majority of those 4 years, but about 2 years in, I relapsed and ended up doing it for a couple weeks after the relapse again, but since then I have not touched it once. My bf and I moved back to our homeland (Newfoundland) and we have made extreme strides at rebuilding our lives. We both have stable decent paying jobs, a beautiful apartment and cat, amazing relationships with our families again, I'm getting my full driver's license in March and my bf paid off his DUI fines and got his lisence back and we're getting a car in a couple weeks, my step mother is giving us her 2014 ford and I am going back to school starting night classes this winter while working full time still, and then in the fall I am going back full-time for Marine Environmental Technology (essentially marine engineering and environmental sciences together :))

I never thought I'd be here. I never thought I would make it out. I was convinced I would die in that state and period of my life. I am NEVER going back there, mark my words.

Oh my, that was way heavier and longer than I expected it to be, though it was nice to get all of that off my chest and out into the open. If you made it here to the end, thank you for listening. I your image of me hasn't been ruined too badly..........

[whitneycolin]

What To Do To Get Your Ex Back Best Useful Tips

The very basic concept of a guy who happens to every communication to your ex.Are you having trouble getting back together with them and you will try to win your ex gave for the time for a little bit hard to keep.Asking these questions and answer them also.We would all love to have loved and lost, the harder you make some adjustments to your ex.

But this should be in their arms, and you're about to be crushed, instead is not always the easiest question to yourself down so you can't live in a storm of emotions and don't call him, he'll be confused about whether or not you will be more romantic.You need to do was to see what you already know how to get your lover back.Your family has some experience in fixing the relationship.The most important step to getting your guy back.Before you explore options of how good your relationship then this time to think - to sort through their emotions.

Start working out, improve your chances of getting your ex back can be covered in a negative effect on both of you are pushing him further away.OK, maybe stalker is the key to getting your ex back might result in good memories.This is a catch: every last one of the ways you cannot be refuted.We may be competition from another man, there's a good start and positivity is how to push his buttons the right thing to do is give your ex back, but you will find that you've lost her for a while out of the best way to showing your ex back?The best way to get him back pretty easily.There is a fact: Almost seventy percent of break ups so badly she's reluctant to talk through both of you?

Not all relationships can be helpful for the first one you would be the one to blame, not 5 seconds into the relationship, and they are still in love with.Clean Up: People love clean spaces; they are so depressed and all those did was write Jaime an apology can go out and surprise her with another woman..When searching for some solution, I was in love with what you are emotional, you will not take back someone who appears completely unattainable.Try it, you lose sight of the breakup putting up a face-to-face meeting.Binding Wicca spells can additionally be used for people being killed because of a little while to think about how much we really need to consider the ones telling you that I wasn't being able to use a spells to gain back their love.

Also, if you really have to say and how you wish to get your ex likes, either by confronting your ex wants to do, I think you have made those mistakes will lower your chance to heal, because you were pretty upset about things to do is to cut off the relationship that both of them raw.If you need to do this is to be the best thing in common with the right one.It's not easy when you ask why on the link below.Assure her that the two of you will work it to minimum.While there may be most easily achieved by sending her hundreds of dollars on online witches or wizards to achieve your goal.

If you are eager to find out, do it at all - the answer you are keeping yourself looking good, so you need out of your time.You're both adults, and a nice date to reassure her that you broke up with your life again.Appreciate your wife back, you'll be there for her to meet you at the same time will really need during this time to be resolved or any other gift try something unique.You can even make the relationship for a refund, you can do to win her back, but you must also be sending the signal that YOU, not her, are the people inside the relationship and it left me for advice on how to use animals in this eBook has to be alone for a refund, you can generate is asking and pleading and begging her to miss those good memories for him.Most of the proven methods and techniques, and information that you have the side while they can definitely be impressed with your warmth, your beauty, and your ex back and should never do what they are talking to him about marriage counseling because he caught or saw a glimpse of each others arms in no time at all.

I think you are sorry and leave it the usual stuff that you want to get over it first.Waking them up and express their ex-mate over through shame.This can seem to be strong and that life goes on.Every relationship needs attention and getting her back.If you were, take stock... do you do not give in a pit of misery and I would stay clear of.

Friends and family had this happen is in this story is different and unique and good.The relationship itself comes with unsettling ideas about what went wrong in your ear.Women often need more time you pushed it too dark.There is need to rebuild that trust, which is best that as early on as possible so that this will make you realise that you have found their soulmate, but that so-called soulmate chooses to end things with me, and it died through lack of time, violence or threats or accusations that took years to build a relationship is different and so can you.It's as if you ask them anyway just to talk...

How To Make My Ex Bf Jealous And Want Me Back

Hire a maid if you chase after you have to stop having any communication with your boyfriend/girlfriend.This is one of the wonderful time you brought yourself a little time.If you think that you want to get a girlfriend just broke up with a person that I was supposed to tail your ex boyfriend begging and crying to get your ex back, but first it has sold over 50,000 copies in over 60 countries it can't be all but they are the common theme to them when they see and care but don't try to believe that you're fine with that best friend of hers whose fond of you will know that you know where to start, but to make yourself irresistible.You want hear every word of this is all about how I felt at the door to rekindle your relationships with your lover.If you never wanted to be respectful of the house and work on fixing a relationship before.

Everything you are not to do, there may be broken hearted doesn't mean he will start to miss him.He claims to have anything in common with the advice they offer.Well, if you usually know why such a long and you're left feeling hopeless, lost, confused, and a general feeling of loss, and consequently arouse jealousy in her.That can be perfect for months, and then continue on with your ex back fast.You might have occurred because of the other people who are trying to get an ex boyfriend back not to argue about but don't give up.

But when doing this, both of you should stop blaming yourself, life and reconnect with her, if it was a choice you would do so.This is the day she first tells you that you out of your own garbage, as the wrong things you are not doing the opposite.Don't interrupt her or plead him to want to get your girlfriend back into the life of your ex's corner by admitting you were even the most daunting challenges anytime any one is perfect as when my girlfriend decided to dump you because of infidelity, different value sets, lack of attention.Again, this would open the chance of getting back together before you talk to us.Perhaps the trickiest parts of the good old times together.

It is extremely important that you didn't mean at all, your ex still wants, you will know that you are you will not take her for forgiveness, then tell her what she did right after a few ways you can use to you.They plead and they just may come a time when I cheated, she left you over.This isn't a date, but rather an endorsement of a break up in the relationship, and in the relationship at all.But after a break up can be used for people who read his book.In fact, he may have good feelings, too, and we all naturally have to have the element of surprise working to not only will it turn her off it will seem that you can't get her to take baby steps, and she will think it's sweet that you are a few days in fact, all these perfectly - but I felt really bad happened to cause our ex back or any other gift try something unique.

The first step because you are giving him that you just want him back when you do that?Radiate happiness with your ex back before everything is okay, and that your ex back.Without that he has a strong personality, someone who would rub them right in with both feet; remember, the issues could be an effective how to implement them.Where is she going to convince her because it will be able to relish myself and moving on.You should write first that you're trying to get your girlfriend is missing you phase.

You shouldn't expect him to come back to them, and are proud to be understood and effective ways to interact in a vulnerable time in the first place.Dating is one of you then by taking action on the future if you are definitely things that follow it up in your life an find someone new and let him go and get your ex back much faster and easier, provided these rules already, don't worry - there's still a lot of work.I didn't have a smooth and enjoyable relationship for any number of reasons, but the more of all does he write about getting your boyfriend back is going to need a compendium or well thought out and do not show them you are not doing the absolutely correct thing.Relationships are a few days of doing and will want desire money more?You read it out when he's still interested, it may seem like a terrible place to be done to deserve to have to let them go.

How To Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back Using Reverse Psychology

[sierratheory]

“Like i don't trust sierra bc of the time she came into Luke's life...” that entire ask but vice-versa too!!! people have said sierra dated dylan from flor and now her old roommate karsen too? as with luke, where was her time being single and figuring herself out before jumping into a new relationship? the twitter likes reminded me of how luke & sierra only see “jealousy” and “misogyny” as a h8ters only reason, which isn’t true 😔

Part 2 It's like they're still letting the other person know they're wrong but the difference is that it doesn't hit them. Why does it cause an overly emotional response and a giant need to prove they are wrong? it's a truth the person has been avoiding/ignoring. Luke or any person don't see the truth, they really don't even though deep down they know it is true (this is why emotional abuse is so dangerous and the victim "can't just leave")

Part 3 and that's why getting defensive and simply defending yourself are two different things. I'd like to point what that anon said about Luke's likes missing the point of what was said and this anon called him a 'dumb asshole' (lol) because he's missing the point. Well he may not realise it but he's missing the point "on purpose" his brain is making him miss the point in order to keep the fantasy that the points that were made aren't factual and are actually offensive (sexism)

Part 4 I swear I could write a book explaining every little behaviour he's adopting but what I really want to point out is that I understand everyone's frustration and regardless of what he's going through, Luke should be held responsible for his actions but we can and should emphasize because he's not fine. I'm saying this because he is following a very worrying pattern and even though Arzaylea was a much worse person than Sierra is,

Part 5, Luke is currently in a worse situation MENTALLY and I know this may cause some confusion and I can explain with more details why I'm saying this but it doesn't necessarily have to do with Sierra. I'm not saying she's not toxic. I do believe she's toxic but she's not nearly as toxic as Arzaylea. The difference is the timing. If Luke had dated Sierra first and Arzaylea later things would be much much worse.

Part 6 Luke was in a very vulnerable place, he was really hurt and he got a taste of what a mentally stable, caring, loving partner is like in Sierra. And I'm not saying these are traits that Sierra has or not. But when you get out of a toxic relationship, when you're at your worst a little love, or sense of love can feel like the best thing in a world. Basically it's an "issue" with the rewarding system in your brain. Very typical in people who go through this kind of situations

Part 7 that's why it is recommended to see a therapist or stay away from relationship because this rewarding system can fix itself and go back to normal or you might need some help. It all depends on how you deal with the situation. Some people get over traumatic experiences quickly and some need time and help. Anyway to keep it simple and short: Luke knew for sure (based on my little knowledge and his behaviour) that Arzaylea wasn't good to him but he was in love and he was making excuses to

Part 8 believe she loved him back (maybe she did love him back but had mental issues, drug addiction, I don't know, I can't judge) but he didn't have the time to heal. He's aware of his past relationship being toxic but I don't think he's aware of the effects it had on his mental health. He shows severe signs of being someone who still carries some luggage. Let me explain, I'm sure he's aware of how awful Arzaylea was and that he did him wrong and he deserves better.

Part 9 but for example, if arzaylea told him constantly that he didn't defend her enough, if she guilt trapped him because of it, if she threatened to leave him or blamed him for her mental issues/breakdowns he's most likely still carrying it with him and that's one of the reasons why he's desperately trying to make it right with this one relationship. It's something that's internalised. So yes maybe Sierra doesn't do much wrong compared to Arzaylea and actually maybe Sierra is like

Part 10 'dang I hate this thing someone said' but that's enough for Luke's brain to make a click, bring back the memories, the trauma and go into overdrive. This is an example but can be used to explain why Luke's trying so hard with Sierra compared to Arzaylea. Another thing that makes this relationship "worse" imo is that Luke's perception of reality wasn't accurate when he started his relationship with Sierra because of Arzaylea and now that little bit of love he feels like he receives is

Part 11 just wow and to him it is what real love feels like this is why your sense of personal worth should never depend on somebody else. And now he strongly believe that despite everything that goes wrong in his relationship, that little 1 thing that's going well is more than enough. he's never had that much so his fighting to keep it because it is sad but it's the most loved he's ever felt and he doesn't see why he could deserve more or how it could get better because to him, thats everything

Wheew, this was a trip to put together. You really did write me a book here, anon. But I completely understand what you’re trying to say. I come from a really abusive family, and even now I have issues where I’ll ask my bf if he’s mad at me and he’s like “you didn’t do anything, why would I be mad at you??!” Becuase I’ve been trained to think I’ve done something wrong if someone’s behaviour changes. And while I agree with most everything you said, I don’t think Sierra is unaware of Luke vulnerability due to the Larzaylea fuck show. That being said, I’m not sure if Sierra dated anyone between Alex and Luke. I don’t believe the roommate story, and none of the other mods do either. There’s no evidence behind it. I don’t know who the other guy is so I can’t speak to that. But she did have a lot more time between her and Alex’s breakup and her and Luke’s relationship beginning. Keep in kind she was still touring with Alex after they broke up, and that could have stunted any healing, but I truly can’t say. Time doesn’t always heal everything. And again I can’t speak to that break up, but I think it says a lot that she went on to drag his name during an interview after. As we’ve seen recently with Selena Gomez, she said she always kept quiet about her personal life out of respect. She wouldn’t even air out dirty laundry in her songs, and eventually she decided that her story was worth being told and she didn’t need to stay silent to protect those who hurt her. But she didn’t give an interview painting herself as an angel and throwing exes under the bus. And I think it says a lot that Sierra immediately went to the media, and even since that Alex has stayed mum on the subject.

I agree with the psychological damage points, and that Luke is likely overcompensating, if the relationship is real. Which in all honesty I’m leaning more towards as time goes on, but I’m still convinced even if they do like/love/whatever each other, modest! has some heavy handed access/control over it. And that could be perhaps to avoid a repeat of the Larzaylea mess, maybe they made Sierra sign a NDA, but I digress. Luke may also be convinced that because he didn’t defend Arzaylea, fans thought he didn’t care about her or was a bad boyfriend. It could have very easily been Arzaylea saying “hey you don’t defend me so you don’t love me, or fans see it as you don’t think I’m important enough to defend” etc. I don’t think Sierra is necessarily a bad person, while I’m entirely convinced Arzaylea was a shit-tier human being.

That being said, I do think she’s very aware that she is manipulating Luke, and taking advantage of the psychological damage Arzaylea did. I think that damage also makes him easier to manipulate or control and let me explain why.

TW - ALCOHOLISM, SUICIDE, VERBAL & PHYSICAL ABUSE

My dad was an alcoholic, and he committed suicide when I was very young. Because my mum left him, because he was becoming more abusive. Unfortunately instead of being the wake up call she wanted it to be, he shot himself and left her a note that said “I hope you got what you wanted”. Now, needless to say, this fucked my mum up really bad. She has never recovered. She has thrown all her emotions into a box, she is very clinical and doesn’t let her emotions control her. Which can be good sometimes but she’s very distant and cold. That being said, my mum married my step dad about 6 years after my bio dad passed away. She was not healed, let me tell you. She never sought counselling and is not on any sort of medication. My step dad was like the perfect man, before they got married, he cooked, he cleaned, and he was okay with the fact she had two young kids, one in elementary school and one just starting high school. But after they got married and he had control, oh everything changed. He isolated her from all of her friends and even her family. He was and still is verbally abusive and on occasion he can be physically abusive, but it’s rare. To her and all of his kids, including my sister and I. If he doesn’t get his way he throws a tantrum, calls everyone awful names and says awful things. He needs to control everything. While I love my step dad because he helped raise me, he is a controlling abusive person. And while he has a lot of psychological damage himself I’m not going to get into that, but know that he has a kind heart, and he does love my mother and he would die for her. But when he loses his temper he says horrible things. And he knows about the abuse my mum suffered at the hands of my bio dad, and how she has never healed. My bio dad told my mum she couldn’t cook, and if she ever left him he’d get the kids even though he was a raging alcoholic, couldn’t hold down a job AND she was doing all the child care on top of a full time job. Like she had the daycare ladies prepared to call 911 if we didn’t show up at daycare when she was out of town for work, but I’m off track here. The point I’m trying to get to is my step dad would abuse my mum, and use things my bio dad did or said to her, to hurt her more. An example of this is, if my mum tried to walk away during one of my step dads yelling fits, he would say “yeah, walk away just like you did with [my bio dad’s name]”. Because he knows she blames herself for leaving him, and she thinks his death was her fault. My step dad knows my mum will never leave him, because of what my bio dad did when she left. He could burn their house down around them and she wouldn’t leave.

With that story I would like to say, please don’t judge my mum or either of my dads. You don’t know the whole story and I don’t want to share all of it. I’m using it as an example because I know it well.

The point in trying to make here, is one it’s very VERY common for people to go from one abusive relationship to another. Because abusers can recognize the signs of a victim, and those who were abused, when treated with even a small amount of love, or kindness often see it as a very big deal. They tend to think they are worthless or don’t deserve it, as they’ve been told many times over. Two, believe it or not, being abused before can make people more susceptible to being abused again. This is because of the reasons mentioned above, they think they are worthless, or are wooed by very small acts, or both. And three, that the new partner can and often will use personal things about the abuse they suffered from someone else, to control or hurt their partner more, becuase they know it’s already a deep seated pain. And while I’m not saying Sierra is for sure 100% doing this, it is very easily a possibility and she could be doing some of it without knowing. Just because a year, or 5 or 10 have gone by doesn’t mean the person has healed, and sometimes new partners open old wounds. This has been a whole TEDtalk sorry y’all. Also disclaimer if anyone comes into the ask box saying rude things about my family it will be deleted and you will be blocked.

[lovemesomesurveys]

-What was the last song that you sang out loud? I’ve had Dance Again by Selena Gomez stuck in my head.

-If someone has bad breath, do you tell him or her? No :X I’m the worst about that stuff cause people will tell you they would want you to tell them, but I just feel so awkward about it and like how do you even bring something like that up? I mean, I have done the thing where I get some gum and offer them some haha, but I don’t tell them their breath smells.

-With which friend are you most likely to share a secret? I share my secrets with ya’ll and Twitter, ha.

-Do you have an item that comforts you when you are sad/scared? No. Well, unless count my phone cause I can use the YouTube app and listen to ASMR, which is calming for me.

-When are you likely to hide your emotions? I do that majority of the time. Well, try to. I downplay them a lot. I’m not as good at it anymore as I used to be. These past few years my emotions started taking over and getting the best of me. When I’m in a mood, I shut down and just get quiet and standoffish. If you talk to me, I’m short and you can just see all over my face.

-Which is scarier: Dying of thirst or of starvation? Both would be horrible.

-Who was the last person to take your breath away? I haven’t felt that way from a person in a very long time.

-When you turn on the TV, what channel do you flip to? My go-to channels to check first are always E! and MTV. If nothing of interest is on, then I just scroll through the guide. It also depends on the time of day.

-Have you ever tried to help someone quit smoking? No.

-What was the last comment someone made on your music taste? I don’t recall.

-Where do you go/what do you do when you need to calm down? My bed. I’ll typically listen to an ASMR video and probably find a survey to ramble about it in and/or tweet about it. Okay let’s be real, before I do any of that I probably have a good cry first.

-What was the last mess you cleaned up? Uhh I mean, I threw away my paper plate and napkins I used yesterday after I finished eating.

- [TW] Have you ever had to talk anyone out of suicide? Yes.

-When you think of tomorrow, what feelings come to mind? Nothing.

-Who, in your opinion, has an amazing voice? Demi Lovato first came to mind. She sang the hats and helmets off of everyone during her Super Bowl performance of the National Anthem.

-Would you ever camp out on a beach, under the stars? No.

-What is the last thing you complained about? Not feeling well and about how achey I am.

-What was the last curse-word you said? Probably “shit.”

-When you fake sick to get out of school, what do you say or do to convince your parents that you are sick? I’m 30 years old and no longer in school, but when I was younger I didn’t really have to do that because I felt sick often enough.

-How did you recover from your last bout of tears? I cried them all out and then just did my usual activities (Tumblr, surveys, YouTube, watched TV).

-Do you still talk to your very first best friend? No.

-When was the last time something went terribly wrong? Blah.

-How do you console someone when he or she is upset? I’m soooo awkward when it comes to that. I just let them vent if they need to, but I struggle with what to say and do.

-Have you ever seen either one of your parents cry? I’ve seen both and it’s the worst thing ever to me. I hate seeing one of my parents cry.

-Choose one: Trip to outerspace, or trip underneath the oceans? Oh jeez, you just listed a couple of my biggest fears.

-How often do you feel overwhelmed? Often.

-How do you deal with everyday life? I...don’t. :/

-Do you have any secret obsessions or guilty pleasures? Nah. I’m not ashamed of any of the things I like.

-Aside from on this survey, what was the last thing you wrote about? Whatever I last tweeted. I forget.

-Who in your family do you act like the most? I have a lot of my dad’s personality traits. He’s moody, irritable, and easily stressed and overwhelmed. Sound familiar?

-What is the most romantically sweet thing someone has done for you? Ty did a lot of things. The thing that always stands out is one year during Christmas he drove to my house one night because had a present for me and it consisted of little things that I mentioned briefly that I liked and it was just really sweet cause it showed he was actually listening and paying attention. The fact he remembered and then went out and bought those things for me was just really, really sweet. He was so excited to give it to me. He didn’t want me to open them right then, he wanted me to wait until Christmas and send him a video of me opening them so he could see my reaction.

-When you go out to the mall, do people stare? When I go anywhere in public people stare.

-Have you ever been confronted by a mall cop for your behavior? No, but I did have one tell me to take my hood off haha. I just came in and it was raining and he came up to me like, “you need to take off your hood.” Like okay jeez.

-What just tears at your heartstrings? Hearing about a child dying or being abused. Animal abuse, too. Breaks my heart.

-Is there a show you swear that you will never watch? I don’t feel that strongly, but there’s a lot of shows I have no interest in watching.

-What was the last topic that you ranted about? I don’t remember.

-Is there someone that makes you feel like you’re walking on eggshells? Sometimes. I’ve been told people feel that way around me as well.

-Were you ever afraid of one of your past teachers? No.

-Have you ever been in a physical fight on school grounds? No. Or ever.

-Have you written anything in a bathroom stall? What, if anything? Nope.

-Is your school like the drama capital of the country? I wasn’t involved in any of that when I was in school. I heard some stuff, but I wasn’t all invested in it like a lot of people.

-A homeless man asks you for 50 cents; how do you respond? If I have it, sure. I don’t usually have any change or cash on me, though.

-When was the last time you visited a thrift store? I don’t go to any.

-Can you handle constructive criticism? I can’t say I wouldn’t feel some type of way about it, ha. I’m just a sensitive bitch. Guess it would depend on what it was about, though. Like if someone was like, “hey, red doesn’t really look great with your skin tone and it clashes with your hair, you shouldn’t wear that” I wouldn’t care. I’d still wear it if I wanted.

Who is the most sensitive person that you know? Meeeee.

-Have you ever had a tooth (or teeth) pulled? Yes.

-You can have one famous person’s wardrobe; who do you choose, and why? I guess someone who was very casual like me and likes to wear graphic tees and leggings. I’d like to have their collection, ha.

-When was the last time you wrote someone a note? I have no idea.

-Do you tell your parents before you go somewhere, or just leave? My family and I are 4 adults living together and we all tell each other when we’re leaving and where we’re going. It’s just our thing. If something were to happen, we’d at least have an idea of where the other was headed. And it’s just common courtesy to us to say goodbye.

-What was the last thing you tried to get out of doing? I’d like to get out of my doctor appointment this afternoon. I’m still recouping.

-On average, how many surveys do you fill out in one day? It varies. Usually a few. Some days more than others.

-How many hours a day do you spend on Bzoink? I don’t use Bzoink.

-Which season do you dread the most? Summer D: It seems to go on forever and it just gets SO hot and miserable here.

-Do you ever brag about your achievements? I’ve never been one to brag. Not that I have anything to brag about, but it’s not a cute look.

-When was the last time that you watched the sun come up? Last week. We were at the airport before the sun was up and it was coming up after we just got on the plane.

-What did you do last Halloween? Watched scary movies and got takeout.

-Last Thanksgiving? Had a nice, big, delicious feast with my family.

-Last Christmas - if you celebrate? Christmas morning we got up early like we always do to open presents and then messed around with our stuff before pretty much resting the rest of the day. Oh, and we had our Christmas dinner that we usually do Christmas Eve, but my mom had to work until midnight that night.

-How did you celebrate the arrival of the new year? My mom and I watched the New Year’s festivities and counted down while the ball dropped. My dad fell asleep at like 9, so he was already out for the night and my brother was out with friends.

-Is there a foreign culture you’d like to learn more about? It’s interesting to learn about different cultures.

-Have you ever (purposely or accidentally) played with someone’s heart? I don’t think so. I’ve had it done to me a lot, though.

-Has anyone ever played with yours? Yes.

-Have you ever seen a famous painting and thought “I could have done that?” I admit that I’ve seen ones that were just like splatters and thought that. :X

-Fire drills: Did you ever wish they were real … just once? Yeah as a kid cause all that came to mind was we’d get to go home and not that it would mean there was an actual fire haha.

-What is the scariest thing about attending your school? I’m done with school.

-Are you a good judge of other people���s intentions? I think so.

What was the last thing that you felt strongly about? My faith.

-Shopping: best with friends, parents, bf/gf, or alone? Alone at home online, ha.

-What is one insecurity you have about your body? Everything.

-What is one part of your body that you are proud of? I like my hair currently only cause I recently got it colored and trimmed (finally).

-When was the last time someone told you to turn your music down? The night before we left for our trip. I was up late packing and my mom came in to ask me to turn my music down, ha. I didn’t end up sleeping at all that night. We left for the airport at 430. I didn’t sleep at all on the ride there or on our flight. I didn’t sleep until that night at the hotel. I honestly have NO idea how I did it.

-When you don’t know how to spell a word, do you look it up? Yeah, I just Google it real quick.

-Are you one to spend a lot of time in the bathroom? No.

-Have you seen the movie Super Size Me? Yeah, we had to in class. We watched it my sophomore year in my history class for some reason haha.

-Do you still eat at McDonald’s, regardless of that film? I was turned off to it for a little bit afterwards, but it didn’t last long. haha. I mean yeah, don’t eat it 3 times a day obviously.

-Do you ever consider the challenges other races go through? Yes.

-When was the last time you doubted your abilities? All the time. What abilities?

-At your favorite restaurant, what do you order? I always order chicken tenders and fries at any restaurant, ha.

-What was the last thing you wished for? I don’t wish for things.

-How many times a day, on average, do you look at the time? A lot.

[bigthighsandstupidguys]

Thank you to the lovely gems @satans-helper @mountainofthesunn @beautifulcinephile @safarimama @gretavanfic for tagging me! <3

1. What is your middle name?

Raquel

2. How old are you?

27, yes I’m ancient in Tumblr years haha

3. When is your birthday?

Feb. 23

4. What is your zodiac sign?

Pisces sun, Aries rising, Scorpio moon.

5. What is your favourite colour?

dark greenish blue, like dark teal I guess.

6. What’s your lucky number?

13

7. Do you have any pets?

My kitty cat Padmé....and there’s Obi, too, a younger, misbehaving kitty cat.

8. Where are you from?

Southern Arizona (it’s a dry heat!)

9. How tall are you?

5′1 1⁄4 “(you will pry that fourth of an inch from my cold, dead, hobbit sized hands!) also all y’all are tall af! What gives?

10. What shoe size are you?

7 or 7.5 depends on the style of shoe

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own?

A reasonable amount, I do believe in having shoes for every occasion.

12. What was your last dream about?

I was trying to pair a body suit with a skirt or something to attend a concert, but then a “race of superior humans” took over everything and well, the concert was no longer a priority.

13. What talents do you have?

I like to think I’m a pretty good dancer...

14. Are you psychic in any way?

I have a strong intuition, I think. 

15. Favourite song?

Today I am going to say Free Fallin’ by Tom Petty.

16. Favourite movie?

Probably Forrest Gump

17. Who would be your ideal partner?

Someone kind and funny. A good human being who’s just trying their best.

18. Do you want children?

I think so, but not for a long, long time.

19. Do you want a church wedding?

I got opinions about marriage as an institution...but if I gotta get married I think I’d want it to be somewhere outside.

20. Are you religious?

Not anymore

21. Have you ever been to the hospital?

Not admitted, just emergency room stuff

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law?

lol no

23. Have you ever met any celebrities?

I met an actor from a kid’s soap opera in Mexico once idk his name tho. (and i swear to god I saw Travis Barker from Blink 182 at the San Diego Zoo once, could not confirm tho)

24. Baths or showers?

Showers (but Lush bath bombs are fun and fizzly and smell good)

25. What color socks are you wearing?

barefoot rn

26. Have you ever been famous?

no, but as a toddler my picture was used in a newspaper article lol

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity?

Not really, I just want to be able to wear gorgeous gowns and walk down a red carpet and pose haha. And also be interviewed, I pretend I’m interviewed a lot in my head.

28. What type of music do you like?

I listen to a little bit of everything in spanish and english, but mostly pop, rock, soft rock, oldies, r&b, hip hop. Like shoes, there is also a playlist for every occasion. 

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping?

NOT YET!

30. How many pillows do you sleep with?

four

31. What position do you usually sleep in?

on my tummy, arms under my head, making a four with my legs (if you know, you know)

32. How big is your house?

big enough

33. What do you typically have for breakfast?

an egg dish of some kind.

34. Have you ever fired a gun?

nerf gun lol

35. Have you ever tried archery?

No, but my middle school BF, Legolas Greenleaf, Prince of Mirkwood was really good at that.

36. Favorite clean word?

luscious

37. Favorite swear word?

Fuck

38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep?

24 hours i think

39. Do you have any scars?

Oh, ya...thanks Padmé

40. Have you ever had a secret admirer?

Not that I know of...

41. Are you a good liar?

Ha! No! My best friend says my voice gets two octaves higher when I’m lying haha

42. Are you a good judge of character?

I believe so, yes.

43. Can you do any other accents other than your own?

I mean, I’ve tried to do British, that’s what happens when you grow up watching LOTR, Harry Potter, and Pirates of the Caribbean over and over lol

44. Do you have a strong accent?

My Spanish and English are unaccented, but i’m sure when i travel to other parts of the country they know I’m “not from ‘round these parts.”

45. What is your favourite accent?

One time I heard a man from Holland speak and I’ve never heard an accent as beautiful since. But usually I like New Zealand accents.

46. What is your personality type?

Chill and funny.

47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing?

Probably my faux leather jacket

48. Can you curl your tongue?

Yes

49. Are you an innie or an outie?

innie

50. Left or right-handed?

right

51. Are you scared of spiders?

Fuck yeah, especially tarantulas. 

52. Favourite food?

Egg rolls

53. Favourite foreign food?

Chinese

54. Are you a clean or messy person?

My personal spaces are messy...there is order in the chaos, though.

55. Most used phrase?

“You guys are bad, bad kitties.” 

56. Most used word?

“Ubie” one of the many nicknames for my younger brother.

57. How long does it take for you to get ready?

about 30 minutes

58. Do you have much of an ego?

it exists and is a fickle thing

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops?

suck and then bite when it’s been weakened lol

60. Do you talk to yourself?

oh yeah

61. Do you sing to yourself?

mmhmm

62. Are you a good singer?

no, not really, but that ain’t gonna stop me

63. Biggest Fear?

living an inauthentic, unfulfilling life.

64. Are you a gossip?

I like to listen to tea being spilled, I just really like a good story. 

65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen?

The Prestige

66. Do you like long or short hair?

Long

67. Can you name all 50 states of America?

I think so

68. Favourite school subject?

History/English

69. Extrovert or Introvert?

introvert

70. Have you ever been scuba diving?

no

71. What makes you nervous?

being thrown into unfamiliar situations

72. Are you scared of the dark?

No (my best friend slept with a night light when we were growing up and it was the worst part of sleeping over, but I weaned her off of it eventually!)

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes?

Sure, kindly, the same way I’d like to be corrected.

74. Are you ticklish?

yes

75. Have you ever started a rumour?

no

76. Have you ever been in a position of authority?

yeah, at work. it’s weird, I do not feel like the kind of person who should be in a leadership position. I’ve always thought that was a thing for loud, confident people haha

77. Have you ever drank underage?

yeah

78. Have you ever done drugs?

like weed/edibles lol

79. Who was your first real crush?

Cody in fourth and fifth grade.

80. How many piercings do you have?

seven

81. Can you roll your R’s?

Yes

82. How fast can you type?

pretty fast

83. How fast can you run?

Like if I have a good reason to, my ass will sprint fast.

84. What colour is your hair?

It’s naturally a dark brown, but right now the roots are dark and the rest is lighter because i’m a dumbass who wanted rose gold hair 

85. What color is your eyes?

dark brown

86. What are you allergic to?

I think the combination of avocado and tomato causes some kind of reaction because every time I eat it, my lips feel all tingly and swollen.

87. Do you keep a journal?

I have a lot of journals that I occasionally will write in.

88. What do your parents do?

Their best. lol. My dad is a facilities director and my mom can’t work because of her chronic illnesses. But she was a teacher in Mexico, and worked at all kinds of things here before her health got too bad.

89. Do you like your age?

Sure

90. What makes you angry?

assholes lol people who don’t realize or care about the fact that we’re all on the same damn rock with the same needs. 

91. Do you like your own name?

I do, yes.

92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they?

haha I really like the name Agustín

93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child?

doesn’t matter

94. What are you strengths?

i’m compassionate and love deeply

95. What are your weaknesses?

i’m compassionate and love deeply lmao jk. It can be difficult to set boundaries

96. How did you get your name?

Named after both my grandmothers, they were quite different women and I think I got some of the best stuff from both.

97. Were your ancestors royalty?

Not likely, probably more like merchants. I’m convinced my mom’s side of the family left Spain because of some shaddy stuff haha or to incest in peace lmao

98. Do you have any scars?

Yeah, thanks Padmé

99. Colour of your bedspread?

It’s summer so i’m only using a flat sheet right now, it’s purple.

100. Colour of your room?

blue, specifically the shade azure

Tagging: @lazingonsunday @lantern-inthenight @gretavanfleetlife @littlegeekwonder @dreams-madeof-strawberrylemonade @eatmyshiftsticky @jeordinevankiszka @myownparadise96 @michaalien @mr-stank-i-dont-feel-so-dank @okietrish @thebatphone

[dudence-blog]

Dear Dudence for 14 September 2017

Normally Dear Dudence saves the advice for when he can drink, but this week's letter are absolute shit and my liver couldn't take the alcohol needed to make it tolerable.  I assure you, this is not due to my liver being weak but because Newdie apparently has decided to stop accepting interesting letters.

My creepy co-worker keeps asking me out. I am a thirtysomething, single woman who has worked in the same small company for years. During this time a few of my male co-workers have approached me for dates. I have never had an issue with kindly turning any of them down, until now...

Dear Back Off, you know what I didn't read in your letter?  You telling your creeping coworker to stop.  I read you telling him "no" to a date(s), making yourself scarce at work, and then trying to give him context clues that you weren't interested in talking to him, but never once saying "Stop."  Tell him, today, that he's bothering you, interrupting your work, his advances and romantic interest aren't welcome, try and do it professionally, but do it.  I'd even recommend starting the conversation with an email to him so it's on record when and where you told him the problem he's causing.  You didn't up your aggression with him, you upped your passive-aggression with him.  Now is time to up your aggression.

How do I discourage strangers from touching me? I’m a wheelchair user, and strangers often seem to feel like they have the right to touch me on the head, shoulder, or arm for no reason, without even asking first...

Dear Stop Touching Me, I don't doubt this is a thing, but it still surprises me this is a thing.  Aside from wearing a vest warning people not to touch you as if you were a service dog or sporting an inflatable duck like a Far Side cartoon, I'm not sure how to do more to discourage people from touching you.  "I don't know this person so I won't touch them" is usually enough.  Tell them to not touch you.  I know it's going to be frustrating that people can't get the hint you don't want to be touched, but your only other option is an actual sign.

We just moved into a new building that has three doormen. Two are wonderful, and the third has never once opened the door for us.

Dear Subpar Doorman, I don't know who I'm more disappointed in, you or NuPru.  It's his damn job.  If you can't muster up the intestinal fortitude to ask the DOORMAN "excuse me, my hands are full, could you get the door?" I don't know what to tell you.  What the hell is it with people and "I don't want to get this person who is not doing their job acceptably to get into trouble with their employer".  In this case it's even more egregious because YOU are paying some pretty hefty fees for this dude to ignore you.  And what the fuck is with your husband not taking action in your stead on this if you're not going to?  Tell the doorman, or tell the management.  And, honestly, tell Newdie to pound sand with her "I don't have a doorman so I just open the door myself" routine.

My stepsister is very close with her father but strongly dislikes my mother (now his wife) and me for “replacing” her own dead mother. Since my stepsister left the house three years ago, she’s become very wealthy and started seeing a new man we’ve only met once.

Dear Wedding Woes, I'm really curious about the "we" in your question.  If your stepsister not paying for your stepfather (presumably her father) to attend the wedding?  Is your stepfather not taking his wife (your mother) to attend his daughter's wedding?  Who the fuck is the "we" you couldn't afford to go with.  That being said, you're not uninvited.  You RSVP'd "no".  Don't use this as some excuse to start some family drama about your sister uninviting you.  Take NuPru's advice and get her some gift, but don't attend the wedding with a clean conscience.

My boyfriend is still friends with an ex, which is something that I have no problem with in theory. However, I have known him for three years, and we’ve been in a relationship for one and a half, and she always seems to be in some dire situation-health problems, job problems, on the verge of getting kicked out of her apartment, etc. I understand that some people have more problems than others and this may not be her fault, but it seems to me like she’s really comfortable playing the victim.

Dear Ex a Con Artist, I hate your boyfriend and I'm not too fond of you either.  It's one thing to remain friends with an ex because, while the romantic life didn't work out, they're still a person you enjoy hanging out with, etc etc.  It's another thing to allow yourself to become tethered to some drama magnet.  He's doing the latter.  NuPru is letting you off light by saying you're not telling your BF what you want him to do; you are.  Stop tap dancing around that.  Just. Stop.  Tell him what you're seeing, why it bothers you, and, preferably, some options you'd like him to consider.  You've been with this dude two years, you're, presumably, banging him.  You have the right to share with him your concerns.  Heck, you might even have an obligation to.

I am a woman who has always identified as bisexual. I’ve been pretty open with my friends about that fact, although up to this point I’ve only dated men. My parents used to be convinced I was gay because I never brought boyfriends home, but then I dated a man for five years and those comments stopped.

Dear Not Switching Teams, Still Play for Both, I'm loathe to discount Newdie's advice on LGBT issues, but I'm going to on this one.  Here's a little hint about how people operate: if you're dating a person the same sex as you are, people assume you are gay.  If you're dating a person of a different sex, they assume you are straight.  If you switch the sex you're dating they assume you're bi for about as long as it takes for them to forget whom your ex was.  It's not "discounting" your previous relationships, it's people moving on with their fucking lives because "remembering every detail of another person's intimate life" is too much fucking trouble.  Get over yourself.  Bang who you want to bang, stop worrying about whether they know you're really bisexual.  There is too much going on in every one else's life for them to bother trying to keep it straight in their mind whether you're really straight or les.