#or that the worst most racist thing that old lady has ever encountered in her life in the south is me stopping at the crosswalk for her???

[the-maddened-hatter]

As much as I hate it, it is kinda funny when my anxiety brain comes up with something that even it logically knows is stupid.

Like still having the anxiety from the thought still sucks, but at least I can call my brain out for being a lying piece of shit

[soukokuwu]

Hi there, I really love your writing. Can you write a scenario where Dazai's black fem s/o who works at the ada and is encountered with a racist client who makes it pretty obvious that she doesn't want the s/o there because of her skin colour and s/o is feeling pretty down at it. Something similar recently happened to me so I kinda just wanna read some damn scenario about it, thanks.

HOME IS NOT A PLACE.      genre; pairing. fluff; dazai x reader      word count. 1,675      synopsis. dazai comforts you after an unnecessary hardship.      warning. brief discrimination      author notes. i’m so sorry to hear that happened to you (& i know i took very long with this, i apologise.) i’ve had similar discrimination inflicted upon me too so i hope you don’t have to experience it again & that you’re feeling better by now. <3

The nerves of some people.

A pair of chocolate beads observe silently, intensively, as the callous words spill out of thin, dry lips.

“I don’t want someone like her to serve me.”

Sip.

The old woman eyes you top to bottom.

“I demand someone else, someone... normal, at least.”

He catches the disdain in her voice. He’s sharp as a tack. Beside him the weretiger watches, cowering as he feels the ominous energy emanating from his superior. He’s seen Dazai angry, furious, but never like this. Never... silent. In this moment, the brunette is absolutely livid.

Dazai’s hands are placed on the table, balled tightly into fists. His eyes are trained on the client you’re trying to appease — she’s too wrapped up in her own head to notice him glaring. As he expects. People like that are often ignorant.

Normally he’d hate to get caught up in things like this, prefers to leave it to Kunikida, but the blonde isn’t around and it’s you she’s speaking to. He’s not going to keep mum when it comes to you. How dare someone insult his girlfriend for something that shouldn’t even matter?

Dazai loves you, he knows you’re way too nice to stand up for yourself, and Naomi is already killing herself trying to appease this witch. He notices the way your nervous fingers are fumbling with each other, the way you press your lips together to stop them from trembling, even the way your feet are tucked under the table brushing against each other. You’re scared, and your head is hung so low... you’re ashamed?

The line has been drawn a while ago. But now he absolutely can’t stay still. Not when it’s leaving you feeling so horrified.

He stands up, forcefully kicking the chair back against the wall with his knees as he does, and everyone in the room goes quiet.

All eyes are on him. His bangs are messy, covering his eyes, and lucky they are, because whatever expression lay under there it isn’t for everyone to see. Even the usually chirpy Kenji is stunned into silence, a wave of fear flashing across his features.

“Oh? Has the whiny granny finally shut up?” Dazai hums.

He’s fully aware that everyone in the room feels even more uncomfortable than before. As they should be; he doesn’t use this tone much, if at all, around them. It’s a tone most associated with who he used to be, a tone that incites a flashback to his port mafia days.

But in the midst of everything, you snap out of your seat and scurry off, your head in your hands. And Dazai watches as you run out of the office. Should he deal with the lady first? Or should he get to you? He doesn’t much know the ‘right’ ways of a relationship, but a nudge comes in from Naomi.

“Don’t worry, we’ll take care of this,” Naomi assures him, a newly invigorated motivation after seeing his strong reaction.

Dazai mumbles a “thanks” before he excuses himself to find you — shooting one last warning glare at the old lady — and he knows just where you are.

Something cold is pressed against your cheek and you jolt. Dazai pulls it away with a chuckle and waves the cold can of juice in your face.

His features are much softer now than it was before, and you ease up a little when you realise he must be so worrried to have come up here to find you. When you take the can from him, he settles down quietly beside you and looks out at the view, and you two sit there wordlessly.

You are on the rooftop of the building right beside the ADA office. This is your hideout, a safe, convenient space for when you really need an escape from anything. And today is one of those days. Rare as they may be, you expect some people to react that way. Because sometimes humanity is flawed in the worst ways possible.

In an ideal world you wouldn’t be feeling this way. In an ideal world, everyone here would be able to accept you for who you are — not what you look like, not where you’re from. In an ideal world, you’d be free from the judgemental, free of the discrimination.

But this isn’t an ideal world. This is earth. This is life. What can you do but accept it? What else can you do other than tolerate what’s thrown at you? You think back to the harsh words spewed by the woman before — the one targeted at you because of your skin tone.

A rush of memories flood your mind.

Unwelcome looks from classmates. Sneers wherever you went in school. The way your name was associated with the sentences “why is she here?” and “she looks weird”. It was like sentencing you to be a social outcast over something you couldn’t control. You’d been forced to spend most of your schooling days alone, project groups being the bane of your existence. Where you thought it’d be an opportunity to make friends, it just gave the other kids additional chances at mocking you. The worst part was you couldn’t even talk to anyone about it. You had your doubts talking to school counsellors, they could easily be one of them. You didn’t even dream of telling your mother either, being a single mom was hard enough, you didn’t want to pile on more problems.

But it lightened up as you got older and people got more mature. Didn’t mean it stopped completely, though. You still had to welcome several unwanted glares and finger-pointing. But at least the name-calling stopped. And what you didn’t hear wouldn’t hurt you. It got better when you finally stepped out into the adult world. People were generally more accepting now, and you didn’t once feel left out in the ADA. They were all kind, for the most part, and never once did they discriminate against you. All they cared about was your work ethic, and they all generally accepted you for who you are. They didn’t give a damn what you looked like.

They accepted you for you, and that was the greatest gift they could have bestowed upon you. To the others it may have been nothing, but to you it meant everything.

There had never been a day where you were forced to confront your old fears. Until today. When that lady ever so subtly insulted you. It was like every doubt that ever crossed your mind since you were a kid came flooding back to you, the questions of whether you really belonged here, whether you should just give up and move away. But where? This is your home, for as long as you can remember.

“I love your eyes.”

Dazai’s sudden declaration stuns you, and you tilt your head towards him with a curious gaze. He isn’t teasing you, you knew that much. If he was, he would wear that wide, silly grin of his. No, this time his smile is… endearing, comforting.

“I love the way your smile reaches your eyes.”

A pair of hands reach out to cup your cheeks, and you can feel yourself getting nervous. He usually never speaks his feelings. Why is he doing this now?

“Look at me, belladonna,” he coaxes, and you listen. You’re met with earnest chocolate eyes, and you keep looking into them, even as they inch closer and closer towards you. He stops the moment the tip of his nose touches yours, and you feel your breath hitch at your throat.

“You are a beautiful person, my love,” he assures you, voice low and steady. His eyes are still staring straight into yours, and you can just make out his beautiful hair flowing in the breeze. “I’ve thought that ever since the first time I laid eyes on you.”

You chuckle, remembering the first day you stepped foot in the ADA office. Dazai had stumbled over all googly-eyed and took your hand, already confessing his future love with you. And he was right, because look at you now. And all the sounds muffle together as you continue gazing at your boyfriend as he lists down all the things he loves about you. From things as small as how your hands feel in his to the way he absolutely loves how he can be completely himself (or as much as he can be) around you.

“Shut up.”

Without even thinking, you find yourself tilting heavenward, pressing your lips onto his. It’s something he welcomes, by the way, his hands moving from your cheek to your neck and kissing you deeper.

You know exactly what he means by saying all of that. And you find it cute, how his way of comforting you is quite a roundabout, yet why does it still work? But you find the answer when you pull away, that first moment when you open your eyes — really open your eyes — and meet his. He’s right.

That lady’s opinion didn’t matter. It hurts, you know he’s not invalidating it, but he just knows talking about it further would just frustrate you more. Besides, he’s been with you long enough to know; if you want to, you would talk about it, and he would listen. As he always does. Even when it’s about things you considered trivial or stupid, he always gives you the time of day, always tries to make everything better.

He’s right — she doesn’t matter. To you, the one that matters most, is him. And you’re grinning silly just thinking of just how much he loves you, and how easily he makes you feel better with just his words. The lady and her biting remarks are well behind you now, as he envelops you in his arms, giving you an important confirmation: Dazai would always have your back, would always protect you.

Because you can have a myriad of doubts, but one thing is for sure.

Dazai is your home.

tags. @yokelish @gogolparadise @fyowyn-writes @smoochi-dazai @animatedarchives

[bobbystompy]

91 Quotes I Enjoyed From 2020

Below are my favorite quotes from 2020. Though most occurred throughout the year, some took place before but were encountered during.

1) “You don’t have to be new to make new.” - Rick Rubin

2) “He put the beat on and go to sleep then wake up with a verse.” - The Lox

3) “Every opinion is bad.” - Blink-155

4)

(via Twitter)

5) “At the start of every disaster movie, there’s a scientist being ignored.”

6) “Be brave enough to suck at something new.”

7) “Comedy is the only job you can have where you can use everything you know” - Robin Williams via Dave Chappelle

8) “What’s the worst swear word where you live?” - Josiah Hughes

9) “Cookies are a really great way to get everybody to like you for a short period of time” - YSAC

10) “The worst dancer at a wedding is the one who’s not dancing.” - John Mulaney

11) “I never saw the end of the tunnel. I only saw myself running out of one." - Kobe Bryant

12) "A good movie begins as you're walking out of the theater" - Ethan Hawke

13) “When I was young and starting in cinema, there was a saying that I carved deep into my heart which is, 'The most personal is the most creative.’ That quote was from our great Martin Scorsese.” - Bong Joon-ho

14) “Run to the rescue with love, and peace will follow” - River Phoenix via Joaquin Phoenix

15) “Thank you -- I will drink until next morning.” - Bong Joon-ho

16) “Men will bury their emotions for decades and then take it all out on children tubing while they drive the boat.” - @krauter_

17) “They help you with the dumb face stuff, but they don’t tell you how to fix it” - Adam (Nate’s friend), on having older sisters

18) “We all had our connections, but it’s not the details themselves that matter, it’s the feeling behind them. There are a million coming-of-age tales. Lady Bird’s secret sauce is how deeply its creator gave a shit. The older I get, the less I care about anything but the sense of a filmmaker’s personal connection to the material. It doesn’t matter what it’s about, what genre it is, or whether it’s genre at all. I only really care that it feels like something the filmmaker had to tell me, and that it was that filmmaker in particular who had to tell it. It has to answer the ‘why are you telling me this’ question, and not just why are you telling me, but why are you telling me.

Lady Bird is a movie that feels like only Greta Gerwig could’ve made. And it’s only because it’s so specific to her that it can be so meaningful to so many people.” - Vince Mancini

19) "I have cast some lonely votes, fought some lonely fights, mounted some lonely campaigns. But I do not feel lonely now.” - Bernie Sanders

20) “Ever hear a Beatles song you haven’t heard before?”

21) “Drinking is an emotional thing. It joggles you out of the standardism of everyday life, out of everything being the same. It yanks you out of your body and your mind and throws you against the wall. I have the feeling that drinking is a form of suicide where you're allowed to return to life and begin all over the next day. It's like killing yourself, and then you're reborn. I guess I've lived about ten or fifteen thousand lives now.” - Charles Bukowski

22) “You shouldn’t have to hear a band to know if they’re good or not” - Josiah Hughes

23) “I was raised by OGs.  Some of you were raised by IG.  I understand.” - Ice-T

* * *

[Here is where I note the line of demarcation that was the COVID-19 pandemic hitting the US, pushed forward by Tom Hanks’ announcement, the NBA and NCAA shutting down, and, then, the nation itself.]

* * *

24) “There are decades where nothing happens, and there are weeks where decades happen.” - Vladimir Lenin

25) "Taken together, this is a massive failure in leadership that stems from a massive defect in character. Trump is such a habitual liar that he is incapable of being honest, even when being honest would serve his interests. He is so impulsive, shortsighted, and undisciplined that he is unable to plan or even think beyond the moment. He is such a divisive and polarizing figure that he long ago lost the ability to unite the nation under any circumstances and for any cause. And he is so narcissistic and unreflective that he is completely incapable of learning from his mistakes. The president’s disordered personality makes him as ill-equipped to deal with a crisis as any president has ever been. With few exceptions, what Trump has said is not just useless; it is downright injurious." - Peter Wehner

26) "Epidemics have a way of revealing underlying truths about the societies they impact." - Anne Applebaum

27) “A funny thing about quarantining is hearing your partner in full work mode for the first time. Like, I’m married to a ‘let’s circle back’ guy — who knew?” - Laura Norkin

28) 

(Jojo Rabbit)

29) “The world ends when you're dead. Until then, you got more punishment in store. - Deadwood: The Movie

30) “All bleeding stops eventually.” - Deadwood: The Movie

31) “Our Father, which art in heaven… / Let him fucking stay there” - Deadwood: The Movie

32) “It’s like a power outage, but we still have power” - Ryen Russillo, on the pandemic

33) “Whenever Sox baseball returns, it’ll be weird to not have Farmer on the call any more. The relationship between a fan and longtime announcer is always built in the little moments. One afternoon, he’s the soundtrack as you clean the garage. On another night, he’s your bookmark for the game as you stand in line for churros or walk down the ramps at Sox Park to try for better seats in the 100 level. A voice like Farmer’s becomes so familiar that you only really notice when it’s no longer there.” - Kevin Kaduk, on the passing of Ed Farmer

34) 

(via Twitter)

35) “In my songs, I try to look through someone else’s eyes, and I want to give the audience a feeling more than a message” - John Prine

36) “Observe everything. Admire nothing.” - Generation Kill

37) “Trump, by that definition, has always been a wartime president -- always willing to sacrifice people he doesn’t know to things he only sort of cares about” - David Roth

38) "Whenever they speak Michael Jordan, they should speak Scottie Pippen." - Michael Jordan

39) "Fiction is a bridge to the truth that journalism can't reach." - Hunter S. Thompson

40) “Airlines sending me “we’re in this together” emails. When my suitcase was 52 pounds I was on my own.” - Mike Dentale

41) “Sometimes you can be the worst source of your own story” - Ryen Russillo

42) “Family is not necessarily blood, but instead who you would bleed for.”

43)

(via Twitter)

44) "This is the deal that Jordan made, knowingly or unknowingly — that he would trade everything he had for everything he wanted. And then, when he won all those things, he found that he had nothing but that.” - David Roth

45) “I’m brand loyal, but the brand doesn’t matter” - Caitie Miller, on why she doesn’t like generic peanut butter

46) “NOBODY shitposts Gene Hackman!!” - Mark Dehlinger

47) “When a man concludes that any stick is good enough to beat his foe with—that is when he picks up a boomerang.” - G.K. Chesterton

48) “You can be appalled forever, but shocked only once.” - Jeff Weiss, on early Eminem

49) “Whether I’m pessimistic or optimistic, the fight’s the same” - David Simon

50) “Freedom can never be completely won, but it can be lost.” - Bernard Simon

51) “Racism in America is like dust in the air. It seems invisible — even if you’re choking on it — until you let the sun in. Then you see it’s everywhere. As long as we keep shining that light, we have a chance of cleaning it wherever it lands.” -Kareem Abdul Jabbar

52) “In a racist society, it is not enough to be non-racist -- we must be anti-racist.” - Angela Davis

53) “Start as close to the end as possible” - Kurt Vonnegut, on creative writing

54) “You can’t stay woke all the time — that’s insomnia.” - Dr. Cornel West

55) “No, I get it. I’ve dated a lot of Geminis.”

56) “The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun.” - John Krakauer, Into The Wild (via Tyler Keller)

57) "I couldn't show them my For You because it's pretty much just lesbian stuff and depression memes" - Maggie Loesch, on showing TikTok to her coworkers

58) "It's 1 a.m. in Slovakia and I've already had one bottle of wine and I don't know how long this press conference will go, so good luck to me." - Marian Hossa, following his NHL Hall of Fame announcement

59) “All I want in life is to go on an Anguilla group trip” - Mandy Gilkes

60) “You miss old friends when you don’t see them, but you miss them more when you do.” - Chuck Klosterman

61) “The only way to appreciate the present is to pretend it’s already the past.” - Chuck Klosterman

62) Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth, oh, never mind You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth Until they've faded, but trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back At photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now How much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked

(”Everybody's Free [To Wear Sunscreen]”)

Second time that essay’s been quoted on this list.

64) "I mean, it's just human nature to suck up to the people above you, crap on those beneath you, and undercut your equals” - Brian, Family Guy

65) “You never quit a job. You quit a manager.” - Brian Bedford

66) “All the pictures in my house are of people I’m not friends with” - Tracy Cunningham

67) “In order to leave something behind, you have to leave.” - Dr. Herman, Grey’s Anatomy

68) 

(via Twitter)

69) “You can obsess about death if you don’t have to obsess about dying.” - Brendan Kelly via “White Noise”

70) “If it’s right to do, it’s wrong to wait.” - Andy, doorman 

71)

72) “When I'm sometimes asked when will there be enough [women on the Supreme Court] and I say, 'When there are nine,' people are shocked. But there'd been nine men, and nobody's ever raised a question about that.” - Ruth Bader Ginsburg

73) "America is mostly people who’ve never left their state saying we have the best country in the world." - Billy Wayne Davis

74) “A writer is someone who knows at least 80% of their writing sucks.” - Gabe Hudson

75) 

(via Twitter)

76) “You’re dead twice” - Brendan Kelly

77) “Perfect is the enemy of good” - Voltaire (via Zach Lowe)

78) “I don’t want to be a savior, I want to be a mirror.” - Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez

79) “I get bad Twitter FOMO but not real life FOMO. That just goes to show I need to get off the Internet.” - Josh Thomas

80) “Is there anything you love in life that you engage with seriously that you don't also engage with humor?" - Sam Sutherland, on his relationship with Blink-182

81) “My favorite genre of music is my friends' bands" - Josiah Hughes

82) “Let’s fall in love like both our parents aren’t divorced.”

83) “Seabiscuit may be the only earthling that was on both sides of the stamp.” - Brendan Kelly

84) “There’s no shame in coming in second, except in, like, wars.” - Family Guy

85) “I feel like I experience writer’s block 100% of the time, and when I do write, I have impostor syndrome.” - Phoebe Bridgers

86) “We teach based on what we most need to learn.” - psychologist on Grey’s Anatomy

87) “Having too many choices is the leading cause of stress” - Grey’s Anatomy

88) “I think we've all gravely underestimated the extent to which this year has changed all of us, permanently” - Kelli Maria Korducki

89) 

(via Twitter)

90) “I wonder if people understand why they don’t have polio” - Sandra E. Garcia

91) “Ending songs is terrible, so let’s keep singing” - Dave Hernandez

[filthyjanuary]

7-12 and 16-20 for the asks!

7. What do you dislike about your favourite season?

i think season 2 is the best, but as i’ve said before, my favourite is 4 solely because the first few eps i watched were from s4. i think season 4 is very solid and even though it’s a season that HURTS BAD because of everything happening between sam and dean, i think the show earns the conflict for the most part. the literal only thing that still haunts me is that the STUPID VOICEMAIL THAT GETS ALTERED IS NEVER ADDRESSED. like i hate more than anything that sam still thinks dean said those things. like i know jared’s said that sam knows dean loves him but i don’t care!!! sam /and/ dean deserve to know the voicemail was changed.

OH also literally everything with anna milton. she deserved better <3 sorry the fridged you and gave part of your arc to a man, queen.

also sam and dean should’ve found out cas let sam out of the panic room.

8. Thoughts on Sam’s demon blood arc

i love sam’s demon blood arc. his hot girl summer! in all seriousness, it makes perfect sense. mystery spot sets it up that sam goes dark when he doesn’t have dean, and s4 is the natural progression of that. i love sam being hellbent on revenge, and the blood drinking was hot sorry not sorry. like obviously the end result wasn’t stellar and the handling of the demon blood as an addiction was handled rather shittily in the show, but overall this arc is near and dear to me and if i couldn’t have the boy king, i’m glad i got this instead. and it brings up some really interesting concepts that get explored really well in fic.

9. Thoughts on the Moc arc

i hate this arc mostly because like dean was terrible...which makes sense, but even after the mark was gone it’s like... he never /really/ pulls himself out of that place. it also just dragged on for FAR too long. like it didn’t need to be like 30 episodes or however long. i do like that it gave us demon!dean being like sexythreatening, and that scene of sam cradling dean’s face and begging him to tell him that he had to kill all those people and just the general sam is dean’s colette of it all. also the end of s10 with sam on his knees and dean telling him to close his eyes is deeply fucked up and i love it for that reason and obviously that happened bc of the MOC storyline.

10. Fave underrated ep

i am highkey obsessed with 1x04 phantom traveller, 2x07 the usual suspects and 4x19 jump the shark and i feel like most people don’t really care about those episodes or bring them up much. phantom traveller is just interesting bc i think the character moments are fun and i am obsessed with plane crashes for some reason. the usual suspects i just adore because it’s really a great exploration of HOW WELL sam and dean know each other and just how alike they are. and unfortunately i really like the cop lady in this one. jump the shark was the second episode of supernatural i ever saw and for some reason something in my brain latched onto adam and never let go. i love him so much (i know it’s not really him in the ep but ukno) and i love how much you learn about sam and dean through it too.

11. Thoughts on BMOL

boring. like...the actors were not good at their accents. they wanted what bela talbot had in s3. i just didn’t find ‘the british are evil’ a compelling storyline in a supernatural show.... like girl i live in real life you don’t need to preach to me about the british. also like they set up ketch to be evil like worse than toni who i already hate because she tortures/sexually assaults sam by having him kill magda i guess? but then they end up redeeming him and he survives longer than both mick (affectionate) and toni (derogatory), like seriously one of the worst Big Bads they’ve ever had.

12. Thoughts on Mary

to be honest, i think bringing her back was kind of a stupid idea in the sense that the ENTIRE SHOW starts because of her death. but i felt like HAVING DONE THAT, trying to deconstruct her image as like this nuclear housewife was compelling and the whole clash of sam and dean who just want their mom versus mary who left her kids as a an infant and a small child and now has these grown men who are older than her needing things she doesn’t know how to give was very interesting. and i wish they’d done more with that. 

16. Any criticisms of their world building/lore

well i think everyone’s said it better than me that they can’t seem to get their stance on monsters straight at all and the show suffers for it. i also hate how like the later seasons especially just blatantly retcon so much. the prime example is the garden of eden in s5 vs s15.... the s5 version was so much more interesting and i hate that they brought it back just to destroy their own lore. the whole concept of the abrahamic god being like the ‘real’ god vs other gods just being minor annoyances didn’t like...make sense or feel good either. i also would’ve loved more exploration of like what the fuck it means to be a vessel and also exploration of other monsters/urban legends. like ok we get it ghosts/demons/vampires/werewolves sure w/e but there’s so much to pull from. it got repetitive and there’s so many other things they could’ve tried. hell the SECOND EPISODE of the show mentions black dogs and we never actually encounter one. or like chimeras... like there’s just plenty to dig into and they just get lazy.

17. What did you like about s15?

15x20 <3 also just...jack....that’s my son! MICHAEL/ADAM IN 15X08!!!! i think there were a couple moments i liked in like...the gambler and last holiday, and i thought belphagor was funny. oh! also sam’s nightmare visions were kinda fun even tho they led back to lucifer :/

18. Thoughts on Lucifer

he was a really excellent and intimidating villain in s5.... and frankly i enjoyed hallucifer as well because sure he was presented comedically but he was a deeply dark presence hanging over sam as a reminder of what he suffered. everything after that...sucked!!! it sucked!!!!! overstayed his welcome, letting him out of the cage again totally nullifies sam’s sacrifice and frankly he lost every smidge of intimidation factor he ever had. he was just annoying and whiny and pointless and sam should’ve killed him <3 fuck that guy.

19. Most uncomfortable moments throughout the show for you?

answered here

20. Define the different eras in a few lines or words (s1-5, s6-7, s8-11, s12-15)

this was meant to be short... and then it wasnt... sorry.

kripke: PEAK SUPERNATURAL. racist AND sexist but like i frankly do not care because the actually storytelling is so GOOD. COHERENT. i long for what could’ve been had the strike not kneecapped s3 and we’d gotten boyking, but hell the arc we DID get... so good. so fulfilling. aesthetics go off the charts. character dynamics so good!!! conflicts are earned!!!! there was a fucking vision here and it was unique and interesting and the show was COMMITTED TO IT. literally iconic television i love her so much. eric kripke needs a therapist but i’m glad he wrote this show instead of going to see one. 

gamble: sera THEE gamble.... overarching storylines kinda weak, but SO FUN! i had fucking fun! soulless sam is a comedian, godstiel was the last time cas was remotely interesting, like!!!! she gave us everything!!!!! gets slandered way too much by this hell fandom like yes the leviathans were stupid but the were FUN and the character moments in s6-s7!!! so good!!!! lots of excellent MOTW eps as well, which... as we know...i love. when the show lost gamble, it lost something great, i’ll die on this hill. i love u #girlboss.

carver: there’s a lot of good here and a lot i despise. dean steadily grows darker throughout the show but there’s like a real VEER into being awful in s9 that the show never recovers from. it makes dean very unlikeable for the rest of its run, mostly by virtue of the show not realizing how unlikeable it’s made dean because it needs him to always be right so the fact that he’s basically turned into john is never like....addressed in any meaningful way. some storylines (MOC!!) dragged on for too long, while others were way too short (TRIALS!!!) but ultimately i think there were some good ideas here and moments i’m fond of. season 11 is Beautiful. i love her so much. there’s some really excellent eps in s11 and the character moments are good.

dabb: i literally hate it here (jack sweetie you are not included in this assessment you’re doing great). it was just stupid. the characterizations of EVERYBODY sucked and fell flat. way too obsessed with pandering to the loudest faction on twitter. took the wreckage of dean that carver left and full destroyed him. like straight up could’ve done something meaningful if they’d bothered to address it at all but they literally didn’t ever make dean be accountable for his actions??? can’t tell u what cas was doing it was so forgettable he obviously had no purpose literally the only scenes i remember were a couple where he’s being cute with jack and that one ep where he and sam go to that old-timey town and sam gets brainwashed. sam like... exists, and his character is intact but it’s only intact because the writers that were left didn’t want to bother giving him anything meaty to do to so the were like *spins wheel* leadership arc that goes nowhere, and he just exists being kind and compassionate and putting up with too much shit. BUT HE HAD REALLY FUCKING EXCELLENT MOMENTS WITH JACK and that alone is why i think it’s worth the slog. sam/jack is my favourite dynamic on the show following sam/dean so...unfortunately based on that.... i can’t just burn the whole dabb era but seriously... way to make every character a hollow, one-dimensional shell.

send me supernatural asks

[thepetulantpen]

Modern AU/Kindness

(Hey I know this event is literally over but I finally finished day 6 of @mollymauklivesfest so I’m posting it now. Better late than never?)

Molly’s general rule of thumb is to leave the world a little better than how he found it.

And a little more chaotic.

Typically, he’s found, in order to achieve both of those things, one will eventually be on the run from the cops.

Which he is now.

As he nearly gets run over for the third time that night, diving across traffic and into an alley where he leaps onto a dumpster and scales an apartment complex, he takes a rare moment of reflection to think about how he ended up in this position.

It either started with the kids who tried to rob him or the racist elven lady, depending on how much faith you put in Molly’s moral code.

...

When a bony hand reaches into his purse, Molly stops and fidgets with his phone for a bit to give the kid a better chance. He may not be the most observant person, but even he saw the three dirty, skinny children sneaking up behind him.

He’s not exactly made of money- he reads fortunes, for gods’ sake- but he can spare something to give to people even less fortunate than him. Whatever they can swipe, they’ve earned.

When Molly dies in Crossy Road, he moves on and the kids scatter, back to whatever alley they crawled out of. He wishes he could help more, but they’re just three of many in this city.

It probably won’t keep him up at night, but it does distract him long enough to not look where he’s going, long enough to trip over an older elven lady. Old enough to look old, which means she must be ancient.

“Sorry-“

Molly cuts himself off at the look on her face, needlessly shocked and disgusted. He knows what that means.

There’s no major freak out, which is nicer than previous encounters of similar types, but she does mutter “demon” as she crosses the street in a hurry. She’s dramatically rubbing at the front of her shirt, as if Molly might’ve gotten a bit of his Infernal on her.

He’s gotten it before, gotten it far worse. It probably won’t keep him up at night.

That might’ve been the end of it, if Molly wasn’t Molly.

The shiny pearls around her neck and the gold bracelets on her wrist give him an idea.

And that is what’ll keep him up at night.

...

Caleb wakes at 3:34 am to the sound of his phone buzzing violently against his nightstand. He grabs for it blindly, wondering which of his dumb friends could be calling at this time of night.

The screen lights up too bright in the dark, washing over his face and making his eyes squint to adjust. ‘Robin Hood’, Molly’s chosen nickname on Caleb’s phone, is calling, which would’ve earned Caleb money if he’d bet on it. These sorts of calls are Molly around 80% of the time.

He lets it ring for a few seconds, pretending to debate taking the call. He promises to himself that if this isn’t an emergency, he’ll kill Molly, but it’s an empty promise, one he never keeps when Molly calls him high or horny or just bored.

He answers the call.

“This had better be good, Mollymauk.”

There’s a huff, some shuffling, and the sounds of a busy street on the other end of the call before Molly finally speaks, out of breath.

“Yeah, yeah it’s an emergency, actually,” he grunts and Caleb hears something slamming against metal, “Are you still friends with that guy in Nicodranas?”

Caleb sits up in bed and rubs his eyes. He really doesn’t need this, at 3:36 in the morning.

“Friends is a strong word.”

Caleb can practically hear the eye roll on the other end of the line, but he ignores it because Molly has no right to be annoyed with him, when he’s calling at 3:37 in the morning.

“Associate, acquaintance, whatever. Will he still help you cross the border?”

“Molly, what-“ Caleb sighs and shakes his head. He’d been fine when they talked last week. “What could you have possibly done in the last few days that makes this necessary? No, no, don’t tell me, I want plausible deniability. Just, how soon do you need to leave?”

“Well-“ Molly starts but is cut off by the blare of police sirens and his own footsteps against the pavement. When the noise fades a bit, he asks, “Does that answer your question?”

Caleb groans, standing to grab his coat and books. It’s going to be another long fucking night.

“Unfortunately, yes. Can you hold out till morning?”

He can imagine Molly grinning on the other end, feels the sharp energy of it through the receiver.

“Have I ever given you reason to doubt my skills?”

...

After about the third rich person party he’d robbed, Molly starts to think he’s getting in a little too deep.

But he’s got a bag full of jewelry and other useless expensive trinkets and he’s driving to yet another pawn shop, so he’s committed for now.

Emerging with a wad of cash is pretty satisfying and spending it on a car full of non perishable meals and blankets eliminates all doubt and conflicting feelings from his mind.

This whole scheme has gotten pretty ridiculous and is starting to take way too much planning- he’s had to research parties and fake identities and pawn shops. It shouldn’t have been this elaborate when the premise seemed so easy: steal from the rich, give to the poor. But bullshitting your way into parties without a plan is risky, and selling hoards of jewelry to the local pawn shop every week is a sure way to get investigated and arrested.

It’s a lot of work, more work and planning than Molly typically participates in, but it’s worth it. The people who attend these kind of parties are the perfect sort of uptight that provides endless entertainment, and pretending to be rich (or even royalty, on one occasion) is not only fun but empowering. Nobody dares question guests at these parties, he could tell them he got banished from a pirate island and they’d nod politely while sipping champagne.

Some people would say it’s exhausting pretending to be someone else, but not Molly. For him, it’s exhilarating to weave lie after increasingly ridiculous lie- and it’s not hard either. Rich Molly is just Molly but worse and more shiny.

He will say that the best part isn’t the parties or the lies. It’s now, as he rolls up to one of the dark alleys in the worst part of town and finds the sad little camps of boxes and torn blankets.

The kids don’t approach him, watching warily as he sets down his offerings of food and other supplies from Dollar Tree. It’s the most he could get with the money he made, plus his efforts in bargain hunting and buying in bulk. They’ll eat and be warm for months, hopefully.

This camp is just one in a series of stops he’ll make today, grim reminders of the desolate conditions the poor of Zadash live in. He’s determined to keep up this act until every one of the kids in this city has gotten their share of its wealth. Or until he’s arrested.

One of the bigger kids comes out first, opening up cans of fruit for the little kids and passing out blankets. He waves to Molly, a small gesture of thanks before he turns his attention to his charges.

Molly waves but doesn’t stop long, heading back to his car before he gets wrapped up in a conversation. He has more work to do, if he’s going to make this city better.

...

Caleb rubs at his eyes again, trying to make them focus on the map through the haze of his exhaustion and shakiness of Molly’s shitty driving.

They almost go airborne on a bump in the road and Caleb scrambles to keep hold of his books.

“Scheisse, Molly. Easy on the gas pedal, I need to make sure we’re going the right way.”

Molly nods absently, eyes darting in between the windshield and rear view mirror, watching fervently for any sign of authorities. Caleb’s contact in Nicodranas has outlined the fastest, most discreet route over the border, but these things can change so fast that there’s never any true guarantees of safety. At least he has Caleb here to navigate and steer him out of trouble. If anyone can bail Molly out of a jail cell, it’ll be Caleb.

“Left here.”

Moly turns the wheel too hard, taking the turn as sharp as he can. Caleb is holding onto the armrests for dear life and staring at Molly in disbelief. It’s a wonder to Caleb that they haven’t died yet, with Molly being as impulsive in driving as he is in life. He should’ve called Fjord and made him give them a ride.

“You’re just going to attract more attention if you drive so fast,” Caleb pauses as he watches the meter lower a little closer to the speed limit, he’s got to find a way to distract Molly from the high speed chase he’s envisioning, “Finish telling your story, I’m dying to know how your flawless plans could’ve been outsmarted.”

...

Picking pockets is not a terribly difficult art. Some can do it masterfully, some are abysmal at it, but most can do a decent job and grab a few things without trying their luck.

Molly falls into the last category, but he’s too stubborn for his own good. He just has to get that last bracelet.

The woman he’s robbing, a respectable, no nonsense businessperson, looks down at Molly when his hands slip. He manages to not only screw up his extraction of the bracelet, but also drop the rest of her jewelry to the ground with a loud series of clinks.

Molly only has time for an abashed smile before he’s leaving a tiefling shaped cloud of dust behind him and utilizing his other talent: running.

There’s an broken window, a two story climb, and a crash through some overly manicured hedges, then he’s hitting the pavement and diving down the nearest alley as sirens wail in the distance.

He stops to heave in a few breaths, preparing for a chase, and that turns out to be a mistake as the guards for the party are smarter and faster than he thought. There’s shouting and uniforms so he makes a quick decision, jumping up—

“I can’t believe you. We had to leave the country because you suddenly became a bigger kleptomaniac than Nott?”

“Technically,” Molly smiles at Beau across the table from him, “you didn’t have to leave. This is just your excuse for a vacation.”

Beau crosses her arms and returns the shit-eating grin. “But I couldn’t leave my best friend to fend for himself in his run from the police.”

Molly is going to fire back, maybe bring up the time they had to evacuate a town because of something Beau did (they can never go back to Trostenwald) but Jester walks in carrying a tray of cookies and he’s sufficiently distracted.

“Look what my mama had the cooks bake!”

Jester giggles as Beau and Molly immediately pounce on the plate, competing to build the biggest cookie pile. She grabs a cookie from Beau’s pile and sits down with them, smiling with crumbs in her teeth.

“Since we’re sort of trapped here until the police forget about Molly-“

“Trapped is such a strong word.”

“-then we’ll have to plan a bunch of beach days to fill time. We’ll get to drag Caleb out there and we could invite Nott’s family, I’m sure Yeza would love to see the ocean!”

Jester’s words become indistinct as Molly zones out, happy to enjoy this moment with friends despite the circumstances that landed him here.

It’s a happy ending really, and some good karma from the world at last. He did something good by doing something bad and now he gets to hang out at the beach with his friends- his family.

Gods, he can’t wait to goad Caleb into buying swim trunks in the most atrocious pattern possible.

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 220: My Villain Academia

Previously on BnHA: Shouto and Kacchan took on a purse-snatching gang led by a dude who could manipulate and control carbonated water. Katsuki blew a bunch of them up (but, you know... gently), but then Soda Sam knocked over a metal pole that almost killed some stupid lady. Thankfully All Might knocked her out of the way and Katsuki deflected the pole with another explosion. Meanwhile Shouto one-hit KOed the Soda Sam guy to wrap things up. Afterwards the two were praised for their quick and professional action, and All Might proudly headpatted them and it made my fucking day. We then cut to the Brotherhood of Destro, where the Detnerat CEO’s thugs brought in a “guest” they had just apprehended -- none other than the League of Villains’ favorite broker, Giran, looking somewhat worse for wear. DetCEO politely asked him for info on the League, and Giran told him to go fuck himself. So it looks like DetCEO’s gonna try to get this info from him via some unpleasant means. We then flashed back to a month and a half prior and cut to some cliffside where Gigantomachia was decimating the League of Villains (sans Dabi) and complaining about how weak they all are. Seems like AFO’s underlings have some issues to work out amongst themselves.

Today on BnHA: The series continues its streak of excellent chapters with a flashback showing what the League of Villains has been up to for the past however long. We open with Tomura and the gang crashing the secret meeting of some racist anti-mutant cultists to rob and murder them (which, can’t really condemn that tbh). Unfortunately they don’t wind up with much to show for their efforts aside from a sense of satisfaction. The thing is, they’re broke, and currently holed up in some condemned trash house in the countryside while Tomura sits around waiting for the plot to come find him. Specifically he’s on the lookout for a “great power” that AFO supposedly left behind for him, and also trying to track down AFO’s personal doctor -- the guy who developed the Noumu. Anyway, he seems pretty content to sit and wait, but the other members of the League aren’t quite so patient, particularly Spinner who only joined them in the first place because he was inspired by Stain. Fortunately for everyone, the plot finally does choose this moment to barge in on them all in the form of everyone’s favorite Goron, Gigantomachia. He literally rips the house apart, and then demands that Tomura prove he’s worthy of succeeding All for One. Fast forward to where we left off last chapter, and as Giganto laments that the League is too weak, Tomura suddenly hears the doctor’s staticky voice coming from the dude’s radio.

(As always, all comments not marked with an ETA are my mostly-unspoiled reactions from my first readthrough of this chapter. I’m caught up with the manga now at chapter 226, so any ETAs will reflect that.)

so we’re starting with Tomura, who’s doing this

and then this

which I guess is only to be expected

oh shit hold up

feeling artistic today, were we Horikoshi? having some fun with that there fourth wall

“before we continue from where we left off, let’s see how we got to our present situation.” lol okay

so this appears to be a very nice house out in the woods somewhere. if I had to describe it, I’d say it’s the kind of house Detective Conan characters would get invited to only to find themselves caught up in a sudden murder spree (which they would eventually solve, but only after like three people were killed in a row)

but seriously, doesn’t it look like the power and phone lines are just waiting to be suddenly cut off at the same time that the only bridge back into town is conveniently blocked or destroyed, leaving them with no immediate way out and no way to contact anyone (because of course there’s no cell service either)?

by the way this is the best title Horikoshi has ever come up with, full stop

straight up thing of beauty, this

so anyways, apparently this is some weird cult meeting or something? and Tomura’s gone and crashed it

the examples he decided on, though. Horikoshi have you had some strange encounters with chocolate-hating cockroach fans lately or what

I see Spinner’s making do with just a regular dumb old sword nowadays. no more over-the-top Game of Thrones-inspired swordmalgamations. hey Spinner what is your quirk

holy shit

so basically they’re racist against people with mutant quirks. we had quirk supremacists, and now we have very nearly the opposite. this arc continues to be fascinating and Horikoshi’s worldbuilding continues to get deeper and deeper. this is so far beyond what I imagined we might one day get when I first started reading this series, and it’s amazing

also the Tomura-led LoV continues to somehow be inherently likable in spite of all the murders and whatnot. don’t know how they do it, but damned if they don’t pull it off

now all in favor of them killing off this entire gathering of racist shitbags and taking their mansion, say “aye.” I mean, why not. unless these people were all open with their family and friends about their secret Racist Society Gatherings, no one’s gonna have any clue where to start looking if they all suddenly disappear

anyway, so next page. is this Spinner’s narration, then?

holy shit does Spinner have an extra pair of eyes that I’ve only now just noticed or what. this is freaking me out

(ETA: it’s just his usual ninja turtles mask, but it seriously does look like there’s a second pair of slit pupils in this one panel and it had me second-guessing everything I ever knew for a moment.)

lol meanwhile Compress and Toga are digging through the CRC’s cabinets looking for shit to steal and sell

how are you guys so badass and so fail at the same time

wow and apparently these racists aren’t just racist, they’re fucking stupid as hell too

yes, a candelabra against the guy who can disintegrate people with a mere touch. you really pose one hell of a threat there

so Tomura’s dodging and he’s grabbing the back of the guy’s head!

show of hands, who thinks they’ll actually be smart enough to listen to him. ...yeah that’s what I thought

so now there’s some glorious carnage, and since we’ve thoroughly established that these assholes are The Worst, of course no one actually minds watching them all die horribly

and no one’s gonna mind when they finish off DetCEO at the end of this arc, either. because of what he did to that poor mouse. so apparently all you need to do to keep your audience rooting for the villains is to keep pitting them against Even Worse Villains for the rest of the series lol. plot twist, the League never actually faces off against Deku & Co. for the rest of the manga

I’m only half-joking, too. for me, it really all hinges on whether or not they’re actually responsible for the Noumus (because kidnapping and experimenting on children and turning them into your helpless minions and then getting them killed = Not Cool), and/or how much involvement they actually have in that. but if their hands are clean of that, I will gladly be Team LoV for as long as possible. it’s very easy to do just so long as they keep playing in a separate conference from my 1-A kids. not sure what I’m gonna do once playoff season arrives, though, but we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it

(ETA: and well, we now know that they have no idea where the Noumus come from! and that Tomura himself is a confirmed victim of Ujiko and AFO’s child abduction and manipulation games as well. so for now I’m perfectly happy to root for them. villains who are just doing their best.)

anyways, I guess it’s bad that I pretty thoroughly enjoyed that, huh

well you can always take the mansion as mentioned. you guys could use a more swanky hideout now that the Ol’ Villain Bar is out of commish

lol oh shit these guys really are broke

if only there was a company out there who recently branched out into the black market villain goods business and was looking to get in contact with you. but I guess we’re still a month and a half away from that. oh and also it’s a trap and they want to kill you (but you guys seem pretty capable of handling yourselves though, so)

also, this is easily the most attractive/least creepy Tomura has ever looked and it’s very strange. did you grow out your hair dude

lol what are you guys even doing

you had a sweet new mansion all to yourselves! just slightly bloodstained and possibly now haunted! but still a real steal considering you would have gotten it for free!

and now Spinner’s headband seems like a normal headband again. where did the eyes go. Spinner you’re starting to freak me out here

anyway, so Kurogiri was clearly the breadwinner around here. without him these guys have no clue how to go on. though Tomura seems to be perfectly content as long as he’s got a couch and a table to put his feet up on

!!! well LOOK WHO IT IS

hello Touya

so he says he’s the only one who’s been trying to gather allies, and Twice is pointing out that he’s yet to bring a single person back with him

and Tou -- I mean Dabi, says “that’s because they’re all trash”

is this how you talk about your good friend Hawks behind your back. for shame

ah okay, so now we’re getting a better idea of the timing here, as Tomura says it’s been approximately one month since Kurogiri’s capture. as you recall, that happened on the same day of the Overhaul raid, which was back in late September if memory serves. so this is now late October, which means that it won’t be long before the encounter with Giganto

(ETA: lol for real. in five... four...)

anyway so we’re flashing back to what I guess is the last conversation Kuro had with Tomura before his capture. I’m interested to see if we learn more about who he was planning to meet up with. probably was Giganto but we never confirmed!

“a great power.” interesting! well, Giganto certainly would seem to fit the bill

and now Tomura is staring at the Quirk-Be-Gone in his hand, and saying that Kurogiri failed in the end, and thanks to that “we’re having a real hard time searching for the doctor”

so now WHO IS THIS DOCTOR, THEN. I THOUGHT KUROGIRI WAS YOUR DOCTOR. WHY WOULD YOU SHATTER MY ILLUSIONS LIKE THIS YOU RAISINY SOB. CLIP YOUR FUCKING NAILS

also you expect me to believe that Giganto is a doctor? that Giganto? that one??

-- OH SHIT HOLD UP!!!

AHHHHHHHHH OKAY HOLD UP LET’S HAVE OURSELVES A QUICK BLAST FROM THE PAST HERE AS I GO AND SEARCH FOR THE PANEL FROM CHAPTER 59

okay, first of all!

I didn’t notice this my first time through, but it’s implied that this is the building where AFO is holed up and watching Tomura from afar. please note how this is not the Ol’ Noumu Warehouse. not even close

(ETA: hey guys is it just me or does Ujiko live in the fucking Chrysler building)

second, here are the two panels with The Doctor

and third...

okay, so this is something I’ve seen mentioned in Dad for One posts, and now that I look at these panels again... yeah. definitely a resemblance there. this is either the same guy, or his evil twin

and now add to that that Tomura just confirmed that this dude is the one who was in charge of the Noumu project. a project which we know most likely involves kidnapping children. and this doppelganger who may or may not be the same person is a fucking pediatrician. and not just anyone’s pediatrician -- Izuku’s pediatrician

which makes one consider two things. one, is it really a coincidence that AFO’s personal physician just happens to be baby Izuku’s as well? (although he might also be a quirk specialist that Inko took him to see.) and two -- presumably this means he would have treated other children in the Musatafu area as well, right? possibly including this boy here?

I mean, we all agree that this means this little guy was fated to be turned into this thing and subsequently get murdered by Stain, yes?

lol yeah so friendly reminder that this series has been pretty fucked up since long before we started dealing with kidnapped little girls and strangled mice and mansion cult murders

(ETA: okay so as of the Ujiko reveal I’ve gotten to read up a lot more about the good doctor here, and there’s one more thing which I feel should be added to this post:

this is from page 174 of the BnHA character book, and basically confirms that our lil winged buddy Tsubasa-kun here is the doctor’s fucking grandson. you know, because this whole Noumu plot wasn’t horrifying enough yet. let’s just see how fucking dark we can make it. holy shit.)

anyway! now that we’ve enjoyed that refresher, let’s continue and see where this all leads

lol Toga is poking fun that Tomura didn’t even deny the “you’ve been lonely without Kurogiri” part. and indeed, he still isn’t

and now Spinner is addressing Tomura directly and asking him “what the hell are we even doing?”

he says he’s here because he was inspired by Stain

apparently he was discriminated against as a child growing up in a bad area. people called him a dumb lizard man and he was used to things just being like that and he just accepted it as the way of the world

watch out kids, we may or may not be getting some fucking Spinner feels here oh shit

anyway, so that lasted until he saw Stain’s last moments on TV and was inspired by how he was trying to change the world all on his own

he says he realized for the first time how suffocating the world is, and he couldn’t sit still after that and that’s why he joined the League

wow Dabi

that’s all you’ve got to say dude?? don’t sleep on other people’s angst just because you obviously have your own horrific secret backstory that you have yet to share

so now Spinner is getting really bold and grabbing Tomura by the collar and shouting in his face that he doesn’t understand his lazy attitude

well Tomura? do you have a good answer?

the others are all watching, and Twice is the only one who seems anxious lol. Toga’s actually yawning and Dabi just seems mildly interested in where this leads. and Compress’s face is unreadable cuz of his mask

eh what’s this now

OH SHIT

ALREADY?? SO THEN WHERE WAS DABI IN THAT TWO-PAGE SPREAD FROM THE PREVIOUS CHAPTER

also wtf at Tomura diving to grab all his spare hands and (I presume) frantically scramble to put them all on before the wall comes busting down

oh, he looks very excited though

and not at all concerned at the fact that this dude just ripped his house apart. I guess because he naturally expects that AFO will be loyal to him if he’s someone that AFO left behind. remember how entitled he used to be about things like the Noumus? “I’m allowed to have whatever I want, right?” or something along those lines? no doubt he feels similarly about Giganto here and is probably in for a rude awakening in three... two...

anyway, so Tomura is explaining to the others that this is one of the “battle assets” that AFO left behind

oh boy here we go

“brat”? can the radio communicate his thoughts or something?? seriously, what’s up with that thing?

anyways lol

his face omgggggggg

that’s right Tomura, if you were waiting for shit to just be handed to you like how it always used to be, you got another thing coming boyo

anyway so now we’re finally back to the present! (which is still a month and a half in the past though lulz)

nah he ain’t weak he just needs to get up off his ass

so now Giganto is clutching his head and falling to his knees in despair as the others look on in confusion

!!!

DON’T TELL ME

WELL SHIT, O-FUCKING-KAY THEN

aggghhh you guys. so today is March 26 2019. as of my writing this, there is exactly one more chapter to go. and then that’s it. I’ll be all caught up. I am simultaneously excited and dreading that shit

but. here I go

[entilzhafiresong-blog]

Angst Questions Part 1

Entilzha’s answers to the first half of angst questions from @ lady-baratheon! You’ll probably pick up something new even if you know him well; shit I’ve been him 6 years and hadda think on a bunch.

1. What’s one experience your character had that made them very afraid?Entilzha's wife Valeria died giving birth to his 7 year old daughter Ysandre, whom had a stillborn twin turned wrong, resulting in the death of her mother. Entilzha has only Ysandre and desires a male heir to carry on the 11,000 year old Firesong bloodline, but has been hesitant to remarry largely because of another pregnancy. 

2. Does your character have a deep and/or dark secret? If so, what is it?

Well, I can't give them all out, but his magical addiction being at a much higher level than most blood elves is something he generally keeps to himself, as he sips triple-infused arcwine - hints. 

3. Have they ever lost a loved one? What happened to them, and are they the same as they were before they lost them?

Every Blood Elf over age 12 will answer this as "Yes", but Entilzha was more recently shaken by his wife's loss stated in question 1. The deaths of his parents and grandmother were never recovered, and uncertainty over their fate, whether or not they were risen as undead and continue to suffer, haunted him deeply for years and prompted him to go to Icecrown to face the scourge, fearing their unwilling service. No record of them existing as Forsaken or Death Knights  turned up, and when Entilzha was back in Ashal'Thalas, he received a sense of solace during a family ancestral ritual, that leads him to believe his parents and grandmother are not actively suffering. Their loss emphasized the sense of duty he was raised with to House Firesong and Quel'Thalas, though the loss of his wife Valeria is the most recent and deepest wound Entilzha carries, if he seldom speaking of it.

4. Has your character ever been hurt or betrayed by someone they thought they could depend on? What happened?

Yes, though the IC/OOC waters are murky and as I don't recognized powerplayed events, I consider that an OOC thing. The deepest sense of betrayal Entilzha encounters is Sin'dorei whom place the Horde before Silvermoon, elves he sees as traitors, or deeply misguided at best.

5. Would they ever turn on someone they just met in order to save themselves?

If they aren't of Highborne blood, without question. To clarify that I do not advocate real life racism, as Thalassian culture is very ethnocentric and xenophobic, and Entilzha is from a conservative region of that state; Ashal'Thalas is a coastal enclave only accessible by sea or portal, and though small (only around 2k elves live there, mostly woods), his family's lands suffered only minor damage in the invasion, and Entilzha would place his seven year old daughter, his duties to Ashal'Thalas and House Firesong, and vision of Quel'Thalas, as paramount to the life of one he views as of a lesser bloodline. 

If the person in question is Thalassian the waters get murkier, also Highborne and Nightborne but Entilzha hates seeing Sin'dorei and Quel'dorei die (especially when they kill each other), and would do anything possible to avoid this outcome, but at the end of the day if 2 people walk in a room, and only one is coming out, Ent has too much left to do and people whom need him for it to be anyone else, though he'd probably just make a portal for them both, and wouldn't casually dismiss the life of a non-elf as meaningless, but  it lacks the dilemma (Side Note: Thalassian culture is based on an extremely isolated and xenophobic culture, and I strive to roleplay that accurately. 

(I take issue with people who throw around the real life term "racist" in a video game where pretty much everything is divided by race; they are biologically distinct species, and it would be fundamentally wrong to play a 350 year old elf from a conservative part Quel'Thalas, a nation he seldom left until it was sacked, as a modern politically correct cosmopolitan person, is not true to lore. Please don't mix in real life racism. I feel like this is more an issue with ally side high elves (where sadly the RP is in a sorry state with some of the worst people I've ever met taking a Pandaren shit on lore), and more accepted as just the cultural fact is is on horde side, but as people IN ths game toss around the R word and people who don't even know what a Blood Elf is may read this, had to extra clarify there). 

6. Have they ever committed a crime, or something they felt was wrong? What was it?

Crime yes; during the Ghostlands Restoration effort, Entilzha recognized the need for druidic aid, and sought out the Cenarion Circle, although Quel'Thalas had chosen not to accept their aid. This was kept low key and there were a few Kaldorei among them which violates Quel'Thalas law, though Entilzha views not accepting help restoring the Ghostlands as morally justified. He's worked undercover which naturally violates the laws of those he was spying on, and as a noble has used the range of secrets, blackmail, extortion, and the occasional murder to protect House Firesong, though having survived a number of assassination attempts himself and learning of the nasty side to nobility from his father Xarian, Entilzha views acts necessary to safeguard House Firesong and his immediate family, his daughter Ysandre and sister Salandra at present, as the most necessary, followed by what is necessary to safeguard Quel'Thalas. 

He takes no joy in suffering, but somewhat of a Machiavellian view at least as pertains to his family and his people; there are situations he would sacrifice himself. And nobody said anything when I took those bottles of arcwine, so that's not stealing, right? 

7. If your character was allowed to murder one person without any consequences, who would it be and why?

Entilzha despises those whom pit elf against elf, and holds a special hatred for orders and "leaders" whom increase division for personal power. There are a number of RP actors in Silvermoon Ent would not hesitate to kill, but they'd be replaced without their counterpart to drive the wedge; and the purge of Dalaran needs to be punished. 

Lore characters, Vereesa Windrunner and Jaina Proudmoore, and while I despise Jaina, I'd kill Vereesa because if the Silver Covenant collapses and the "exiled" High Elves lack leadership it ought make more return home as Ent desires. In terms of roleplayers, along those same lines, Silver Covenant leadership, namely Aeriyth Dawnsorrow. 

8. Does your character have any enemies? If so, who and why?

Lots. Entilzha  is vocal about opposing Silvermoon's membership in the horde, advocating reconciliation with the Quel'dorei, and restoring the Ghostlands as part of a return to full sovereignty. Given the state of the Ghostlands, this is not a priority for many in Quel'Thalas, and he considers Dominion of the Sun and others whom actively slay for the horde and widen the Sin''dorei-Quel'dorei gap for personal power as enemies of the highest order. His feelings about the equally extremist High Elven, pro-Alliance Highguard are similar, two halves each benefiting from the death of their kin, and two large and powerful enemies for one minor noble. Good thing Ent's good with wards and usually has guards. And snipers. Watch out. I mean it. 

9. Is the character a victim of abuse?

Not any more than any other Sin'dorei. His withdrawal from the loss of the Sunwell was especially bad due to his higher addiction level.

10. What were the character’s parents like? What was the affect the parents had on the character?

Entlzha's father Lord Xarian Firesong was a Magister as himself, in the tradition of House Firesong. While the Lordship of House Firesong is hereditary, the traditional leadership of Ashal'Thalas' Circle of Mages, which Xarian and most of Entilzha's Thalassian paternal ancestors held, is not, and must  be recognized through skill in the arcane. Entilzha's first century or so was extremely demanding with  full time schooling from age 7, until he was named a Magister of the Sunwell at 114. 

Xarian and Entilzha had little time together, and while the path of a leywalker is both of Entilzha's own choosing, the loss of the Sunwell, and advancements in his work, his tireless approach to the arcane and magical mysteries, was instilled by his father, as was the necessity to respect magic. Xarian enjoyed fishing, and it was one of the few things him and Entilzha, whom retains the hobby, did together, and Xarian spoke deeply of his sense of duty to the people of Ashal'Thalas, speaking of them as extended family with an obligation to protect, as well as the duty to maintain both House Firesong's ancient bloodline and governance of Ashal'Thalas, and to do what is necessary. Entilzha's style as Lord Arcanist heavily mimics his father whom was his earliest role model for both, and Xarian's deep sense of duty to his House and people and dedication to the arcane live on through Entilzha. 

Entilzha's mother, Ranger-Captain Ariella Firesong, bucked typical tradition in joining the Farstriders, and not taking the Sun Crown, the Matriarchal head of House Firesong and governess of the capital of Ashal'Thalas, Bal'adeni. Entilzha's grandmother, Sun Matriarch Sarenthia Firesong, held the crown until she was slain with Lord Xarian, whom were at the Sanctum of the Moon when the invasion struck. As a child, Entilzha was fascinated by his mother, whom made time for her son and daughter, but as a Farstrider, a Ranger-Lt. for most of Entilzha's life, she was away for long stretches, and as the sense of duty to House Firesong sunk into Entilzha, the sense that his mother was not fulfilling hers to gallivant in the forest while his grandmother had handled the endless diplomacy and noble politics for over four centuries by the time of her death.

Sarenthia pushed Entilzha's sister Salandra to be prepared for the Sun Crown, and while Salandra did much of the actual legwork by the time of the invasion, the crown was not passed until after, likely for political reasons, as the Sun Crown often is donned by a Lord's wife, and its unavailability would have dampened Entilzha's marriage prospects. By tradition, his mother would have passed the crown at Entilzha's wedding or upon the birth of his first child, though the division of powers in House Firesong grants substantial powers to the Sun Matriarch, powers a younger sister whom had prepared for centuries and held only briefly, may not be inclined to part with, and aside from death, the crown is passed only by will, and has been retained over convention in past situations. 

Entilzha has since given his mother much thought, and realized that she served House Firesong and Quel'Thalas in her own way. As he came to understand that the bond Rangers share with nature is as profound, perhaps even more than, his own arcane gifts, and that in pre-invasion Quel'Thalas, Ariella had no reason to believe Salandra would not grow up to succeed her, and do so likely far better than a woman who yearned to be outdoors, not at endless balls and formal affairs. 

Salandra was more than prepared for the crown, as her current strength shows, and Ariella serving as a Farstrider meant much to the Emberstriders, the Rangers of Ashal'Thalas, whom generally serve a period among the Farstriders before returning to guard Ashal'Thalas, as the central defensive force of the pre-invasion era, were often overpowered by the towering Dal'felo "Firestar" Tower, and the accolade which went to the magi of Ashal'Thalas, while the narrow sea border with the Amani peninsula was kept safe by the Rangers. After his parents death, Entilzha read one her mother's diary, and her connection to the the Emberstriders meant much to her and to them. 

Ariella is the parent Entilzha was most concerned about, as she fell near Sylvanas, as he was hold, and what became of her any many of her rangers is well known. He's since ruled out her existence as a Dark Ranger, and with ancestral guidance, has a sense she's at peace, though looking back at his mother, and at the balance between arcane and nature Thas'alah maintained, very much wishes he could speak with her, as he saw her little in the decades prior to the invasion. 

11. What are your character’s coping mechanisms?

Spellweaving. Entilzha will poke at leylines and experiment with runes and formations for days on end to keep himself busy. He focuses in leylines, wards, illusions, and portals, each aspects of the arcane that are mercilessly unforgiving, and demand full concentration, pushing aside what was there. Reading can fill such a role, though not as effectively as the meditation Entilzha requires several hours per day to maintain inner harmony with his high arcane levels. 

He smokes thistle from a hookah and may consume more arcwine than is the norm if under much stress, but recognizing his arcane addiction tries to avoid that route, since assuming the Lordship while Entilzha was only briefly married before Valeria fell, he has had at least one consort in the Dal'felo Spire more often than not. 

Though if something is bothering Entilzha, the best recipe is the company of the few elves he truly trusts, his guard captain Israai, Jandissa, scribe and consort, and Morgane Devaux, a Nightborne arcanist Entilzha met during the Suramar Campaign, helping her escape from her Felborne-turned brother, and regain her family regalia. Morgane is older than Entilzha by much; she was born in Zin-Azshari and while her beauty and intellect fascinates him, he doesn't view Morgane in a romantic light, but she's come to be his closest and most trusted friend, likely the first elf he'd go to. 

12. Do they like to suffer? Like to see other people suffering?

Entilzha says quite plainly that to suffer is to be Sin'dorei, accepting such as the shared sacrifice of his people. The enemies mentioned previously, and some others Entilzha would shed no tears seeing suffer, though as retribution for their deeds he views as evil or unjust; Entilzha does not enjoy suffering, received or given, and when he's handed down death sentences, only three occasions, he's used an overpowered spell to kill them virtually instantly each time. He will however do what is needed to make a captive share what he needs to know. Lord Firesong is proficient at mental probes, but such is an imperfect art, and torturing captive foes, last practiced on any scale when House Firesong took captives early in the Iron Horde invasion, deeply confused and seeking answers. He got his answers, but as a means to an end. 

13. What does it take to make your character cry?

Entilzha last cried when his wife Valeria died, doing so as he held her dying hand. He typically hides his emotions, especially those that may be perceived as weakness, having learned from his father that a Lord cannot appear weak or he will be weak, is more likely to react to sadness either via anger or isolation. He would certainly cry if his seven year old daughter Ysandre died, though in such a tragedy would likely appear stoic and only further hardened in public, perhaps expressing such deep feelings in private.

14. What is your character’s biggest relationship flaw? Has this flaw destroyed relationships for them before?

I'm not sure if this is a flaw or just a preference, and may well stem from the only true love he'd had, having known and grown close to Valeria while she mended House Firesong's wounded in the Ghostlands Campaign, he grew comfortable having her at his side, completed, and struggles with relationships that involve prolonged periods of time apart. Since Valeria, Entilzha would not involve himself to another without a time commitment, if not on the level of Valeria, though being in a relationship and alone most nights, Entilzha finds disheartening, a sign of rejection if indefinite. He understands duty well, and can certainly love someone whose time is limited, as his own is, but Entilzha would never claim being a Magister more important than one he wanted to marry; they occupy two entirely different spheres, and as a relationship awakens the feelings of loss Entilzha went through with Valeria, he found attempting a relationship with a Farstrider and then an Argent cleric, both elegant Sin'dorei, but with so little time, his sense of rejection grew stronger. This has impacted Entilzha but I am not sure if it's good or bad, as he wants someone who will be there for himself and his daughter, doesn't require that they be with him all the time, but that a partner share the sense of priority he does. Entilzha doesn't view wanting someone whom makes being an active part of his life and Ysandre's as a negative, but intimacy reopens wounds from Valeria, wounds loneliness does not comfort. 

15. What is their biggest fear? What in general scares them? How do they act when they’re scared?

Entilzha's biggest fear is losing his daughter Ysandre, followed by the possibility he will never love another close to as he did Valeria. Pragmatically, he fears the Undercity, with their population slowing going insane, plague weapons. He had feared that the culture of Quel'Thalas would erode from such unprecedented and prolonged contact with "savage" races, but sees the Sin'dorei maintaining their pride, and does believe they will be free of the horde while he lives.

[blainematters]

For your reading pleasure, a selection of awful fucking quotes from CC’s latest *~masterpiece~*. That’s right, I read all 407 pages so you don’t have to! Unless you too are a complete masochist, in which case go nuts.

This is image heavy, fair warning. Some names have been slightly altered to protect the crazies who would read this and cry.

Audiences found the show’s campiness to be rather charming, its unique underdog spirit resonated with them, and a global phenomenon was born. Nice description of Glee there. Very original. Good work.

Pitying looks were cast upon the unfortunate souls without seats, as if they were third-class passengers on the Titanic. The death of 1500 people in the worst maritime disaster in history is not a funny or clever simile.

Luckily for him, these days Cash had a little help to take the edge off. He reached into his pocket and pulled out three large pills and two marijuana gummy bears. This is how the main character treats his anxiety. He takes this combo with whiskey. This apparently makes him ‘completely numb’. 

He thought it was funny how there was hydrocodone, weed, and alcohol flowing through his veins at a work event but he wasn’t the biggest douchebag onstage. Except he really, really is. Funnily enough people on drugs aren’t the best judge of character.

If he responded with something they didn’t like, his social media would be bombarded with pictures, videos, and GIFs of decapitated animals, human feces, and militants destroying priceless artifacts.

“Olá, fucktards,” Davi said—his use of American slang was a work in progress. What. This character is brazilian, and he swears constantly. Those are his only character traits.

“That’s incredible, Huda,” Mo said. “If only diplomacy worked as efficiently as a fandom, there would never be war again.” I’m fucking dying.

“Young lady,” the psychologist said. “I have studied the human mind for more than four decades. I understand the appeal of joining the transgender community, but I promise you, the transgender movement is nothing short of a trend for nonconformists. In fact, it is still considered a mental illness by the World Health Organization.” Sorry, what appeal? What even is this nonsense? Why does it go on for five pages? Why the need to unnecessarily torture the trans character with this when it makes no difference to his storyline? Why?

Mo had suffered from OID (overactive imagination disorder) since childhood. The condition wasn’t officially recognized by the United States Department of Health (because Mo had made it up) but the disorder was just as taxing and consuming as any. From the entire community of people with mental illness: Fuck you CC. Fuck you for this awful, awful thing. Kindly go fuck yourself for pretending you have any understanding of what a mental illness is like to live with. Ugh.

A very good-looking man in his early twenties. He wore thick sunglasses, a black leather jacket, dark jeans, and designer boots. Yes, this is how ‘Cash’ is described. He’s also been previously described as a total mess who hasn’t showered in days, so I’m not totally convinced it’s accurate.

“I’m T0pher C0llins. It is such a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Carter.” T0pher C0llins? Are you fucking shitting me?

“I walked into my bedroom and saw Peaches had taken a huge dump in the middle of my bed, so I had to clean it up and put my comforter in the washer.” This is said by the only girl in the group, in front of ‘Cash’, who she idolises. Because girls are just stupid fucking blabbermouths right?

“-it’s getting asked advice on how to break into the industry from the guy taking a dump in the stall next to you” Oh look, another thing that has never, ever happened.

“You gotta say that shit so no one labels you as a future has-been—that’ll kill a career. Even if it’s obvious you’ll never do anything but the show you’re on, you can’t admit it.” The first honest and realistic thing in this book, and it only took till chapter seven!

“Every time I get any recognition he writes me into a coma or puts me through something horrendous as punishment. After I was on the cover of TV Guide, he put a dangerous stunt into a script and it broke my ankle. After I won a People’s Choice Award, he put my character in a coma for twelve episodes. The list goes on.” I wonder how Ryan Murphy will react when he hears about this character who is so clearly him?

“Nothing is stranger than fanfiction,” Cash said, like a sailor recalling his encounter with a horrible sea creature. THIS ENTIRE BOOK IS REAL LIFE FANFICTION YOU HYPOCRITICAL ASSHOLE.

“He’s a little jaded, I’ll give you that—but after all the joy he’s given us over the years, the least we can do is let him be a human being. ” Yes, let the straight white cis male tell you all how to think, feel, and act. Your hero isn’t a douche, he’s misunderstood. Let him treat you like shit because who else gets that experience?

The world’s biggest rubber-band ball bounced into the horizon like a deer recently freed from captivity. Chapter nine: ‘Cash’ destroys a national landmark for shits and giggles.

The actor excitedly passed out tickets to Topher, Joey, Sam, and the Sacagawea statue—mistaking it for Mo. He’s also a racist. Are we surprised?

Why is he dancing like an epileptic on roller skates? Aaaaand a joke about epilepsy. I’m sure Hannah loves it.

“What did you do? How did you get over it?” Joey said. “One day I woke up and decided I had had enough.” ‘Cash’ cures his crippling agoraphobia by just going outside. Again, fuck you CC. That is not how mental illness works. Do two seconds of research for fucks sake.

“The night we were all watching the season six finale of Wiz Kids at Joey’s house, I was actually supposed to be watching Billy while my mom was at a Bunco party. I gave him some cold medicine so he would sleep and ran home to check on him every commercial break.” Drug your disabled siblings, your friends will think you’re cool and laugh about instead of telling you  that you’re an awful fucking person. Which you are.

“Then one day, as I was posting a GIF of a decapitated giraffe on her profile, I learned WizKidLiz01 was a little girl with Down syndrome.” Also on the list of things that make you an awful fucking person… plagiarism or no, don’t do this shit.

“So what’s your real name?” Topher asked. “Now, that you’re not going to believe,” Cash said. “It’s Tom Hanks.”

“They were the most eccentric group of stoners Cash had ever seen and he couldn’t take his eyes off them, like they were the subjects of a fascinating nature documentary.” One character is literally screaming her head off with paranoia and scratching invisible bugs in her skin, but hey, watching teenagers on a drug trip is so interesting!

“I think you’re giving him too much credit,” Cash said. “He’ll be long gone by then.” Oh yeah, ‘Cash’ is extremely preoccupied with death. He frequently says shit like this alluding to it. No-one notices.

“Because if you don’t, I’m going to tell the fangirls about the treatment we’ve received today and unleash them upon your establishment like a plague of locusts! They’ll harass you, humiliate you, and chase your wrinkled, old, racist ass into hiding for the rest of your miserable existence! Do I make myself clear?” Um… what? Why would you even?

“Of course the brakes worked, I was just fucking with you,” Cash said. ‘Cash’ continues to be the absolute worst by making someone think she’s going to die. Of course, she somehow she also doesn’t know that James Dean died in a car accident. Sigh.

“But I think we’d know it if he was mentally unbalanced or an addict of some kind.” YOU ARE EIGHTEEN YEARS OLD AND YOU ARE A COMPLETE IDIOT. YOU LITERALLY JUST DESCRIBED ‘CASH’.

“You lose the right to humanity when you become famous. It’s just the way it is, but I’m not going to whine about it.” Except in this entire book.

“I’m transgender!” Sam declared. “I know what it’s like to have everyone treat you like something you’re not because people have been doing it to me my whole life. I’ve never met someone who could relate—but it’s like everything you just said! We’re both trapped! We’re both prisoners of unfair expectations!” These! things! are! not! comparable! Mostly because ‘Cash’ could leave that life any time, Sam won’t ever stop having to deal with being trans. Shut the fuck up CC. Sam then spends waaaay too much time explaining gender and sexual identity to ‘Cash’ because he’s a complete moron.

Darla spoke with the energy and enthusiasm of a camp counselor on crystal meth. How is this joke in any way appropriate when the main character is clearly a raging drug addict? He’s literally constantly tweaking.

The others stared at Cash in disbelief. It was like a demon living inside of him had taken the reins. Watch as these people we’re supposed to believe all got into prestigious colleges like Colombia and MIT completely fail to recognise the signs of an addict going through withdrawal.

They had never in their lives felt more exposed, more violated, or more gutted. It was as if someone had ripped off all their clothes and chucked their hearts into the depths of the Grand Canyon. ‘Cash’ is so self-obsessed and full of self-pity he decides to out two people in the group and tell another she’s wasting her life just to make them all feel as awful as he does. What a delightful person huh?

“Joey, I have always wanted a gay best friend. I’m not mad because you hid your orientation from me; I’m just upset because of all the Will & Grace opportunities we’ve missed out on.” ARE YOU SHITTING ME?

He was staring at Topher with a weak smile and his eyes were opened just barely enough to see. He clearly knew who Topher was, but Topher couldn’t place him.

“I have glioblastoma,” Cash said. “That’s a fancy stage name for brain cancer.”

I was fine and could easily hide this until a few days ago, but now I’m so weak and frail you don’t even recognise me. Usually Glioblastoma on the brain stem causes symptoms like seizures, confusion, paralysis, vomiting, dizziness, and loss of basic functions, but I’m a special snowflake and get to stay able-bodied and cognisant until the end!

“In April I started getting these really bad migraines,” Cash explained. “A doctor came to the set and recommended I get a scan. We were behind in production so the producers wouldn’t give me time off to get it done.” It’s all Hollywood’s fault he’s dying! Not his for not getting any fucking treatment. And actors can and do take days off for health reasons, that shit is totally allowed.

“Holy shit,” Topher said. “These are all mine.… You’ve saved every letter I ever wrote to you.…” That’s not totally fucking creepy at all, ‘Cash’.

“He’s not a bad person—he’s got brain cancer! That’s why he’s been behaving the way he has!” That makes everything okay! Except not really. Cancer doesn’t give you a free pass to be an asshole. You aren’t making the most of what life you have left, you’re just being a shithead.

“The actor had had so little control over his life, but his death was exactly how he wanted it to be.” Yes, he dies five days later. No-one wondered about his odd behaviour or suspected he might be sick until they visited him in a hospice. These people must be so stupid they can barely function for this to make sense. He’s been dying for months and nobody at all noticed? Bullshit.

“Oh gosh, I’m so nervous to hear how it went! I practically feel like I came out as transgender, too!” NO MORE.

“Not to be a downer, but did anyone watch the footage from Cash’s funeral today?” Mo asked. “Why did they wait a whole month to have it?” Topher asked. “Because it was sponsored by Canon and their new camera comes out this week,” Mo said.

I don’t think companies generally sponsor funerals? Let’s just hope it wasn’t an open casket, that shit would be nasty after a month.

“Fuck off, I’m banging Marilyn Monroe.” No, god no. Please no. Just end this thing now please.

The aspiring writer felt like she and her friends were living a ridiculous happy ending straight from the final page of one of her outlandish stories. Uh…

And a bonus from the author’s note:

However, for the purpose of good storytelling, the characters’ opinions and choices are sometimes flawed. Please do not view their actions as generalizations or examples to follow, but as the mistakes and triumphs of individuals. All of my characters were awful and/or treated like shit by everyone else, but that’s for the sake of the story. It’s not my fault if you act this way and everyone hates you! (And still love me please god I’m so alone...)

[fathersonholygore]

Slice. 2018. Directed & Written by Austin Vesely. Starring Zazie Beetz, Chance the Rapper, Chris Parnell, Y’lan Noel, Paul Scheer, Austin Vesely, Rae Gray, Will Brill, & Kelli Simpkins. Frehand/N2ition Cinema Rated R. 83 minutes. Comedy/Horror

★★★

Disclaimer: The following article contains heavy spoilers. Turn back, lest ye be spoiled!

  Slice came with a bunch of hype because of Chance the Rapper, and Zazie Beetz is on the rise, so it’s always exciting to see her name in a cast, too. Sadly, the movie doesn’t add up to much more than a chaotic mess. It tries being a throwback to the 1980s, between the score, some of the effects, and the general atmosphere. Even in that sense, it never gets where it’s trying to go. At the same time, it’s not without commentary. If there’s a message to be had, you know Father Gore’s going to dig it out! The plot concerns Perfect Pizza Base— a little shop built over the ground of an old asylum in the city of Kingfisher, the basement of which was coincidentally the portal to Hell. The city’s also home to ghosts, werewolves, and other creatures of the night. Regular citizens can’t get along with the ghosts, so the dead are segregated in Ghost Town. Once a bunch of pizza delivery drivers start getting killed, the ghosts are blamed, but the situation’s far more complex. What this movie gets right is its identity as a horror-comedy focused on social issues. It’s not trying to write a treatise on racial relations, though its commentary is difficult to ignore. From the white witches disguising their deviousness with social justice to a community of different groups learning to co-exist and maybe even work together, Slice never holds back on using horror tropes and expected genre characters – witches, ghosts, werewolves – to skewer just how divided our society’s become. Right away, director-writer Austin Vesely touches on issues relating to urbanism and modernity. We hear about the “beautification of Kingfisher” relating to the urban renewal of the city. This leads into one of the main plots, concerning problems with gentrification and old burial grounds being paved over to make way for shopping centres and other city mainstays. A group called Justice 40,000 protest the development of these areas and warn of the “greater evil that is capitalism.” The group worry about erasure of the past, further suggestive of our modern inability to reconcile the past and present by subscribing to the capitalist idea of creative destruction. There’s also the citywide trouble of “relations between the living and the dead,” which so obviously mirrors the tenuous racial relations of white people and people of colour in big cities. Immediately the table’s set for modern social commentary using a horror story as its mask. The racial angle of Slice is never not present. One cop says: “God, I hate werewolves— scum of the earth.” He recounts an accidental vehicular homicide in which his father was killed by a werewolf. You could replace werewolves with a non-white racial group and this whole monologue would fit perfectly with actual white attitudes about POC. The scene’s a mark of great satire: at once hilarious and painfully truthful. Added to the werewolf-hating cop, Dax Lycander (Chance the Rapper) has to deal with constant stereotyping being a werewolf. He’s presumed violent by everyone he encounters and he’s automatically linked to the crimes. Father Gore doesn’t need to point out the irony of his being a BLACK werewolf, right? He repeats he’s “not that kinda werewolf,” and nobody seems to listen.

“All you have is a grudge, and grudges don’t hold up in court.”

Slice is at its best when satirising modern issues, such as its aim at gentrification. Vesely cleverly employs the use of the word halcyon, which denotes a period of time in the past considered idyllically happy and peaceful. This fits well because of the racial themes. Halcyon’s a perfect word for the way whites – the racist or xenophobic ones – look back on the past and see a perfect age, whereas people of colour, and here we’re talking especially about black people in America, have a decidedly different view of the past. The former psychiatric hospital where Perfect Pizza Base now stands was called Halcyon Days Asylum. Various institutions/buildings in Kingfisher are named similarly. With this gentrification of old spaces, the word halcyon specifically links things to a sense of whiteness, particularly once the truth about Justice 40,000 emerges. Justice 40,000’s women are eventually revealed as powerful witches. No coincidence these women are all white, either. The irony with these ladies is evident in the way they fight against capitalism and gentrification but simultaneously blame ghosts/others for Kingfisher’s violent crime. They’re the worst of white feminism, epitomised by being real witches rather than normal women accused unjustly of witchcraft. Vesely utilises the witches to satirise all of the typical white liberals who may be in favour of some ‘good’ social things while actively working against important things— i.e. it’s great white women are concerned about gentrified neighbourhoods, and likewise totally redundant when they perpetuate racist attitudes towards the people in those neighbourhoods. This is one of the most ingenious aspects of the screenplay, and it’s so timely for 2018. This may not be what genre fans expected. At the worst of times, the movie’s a sloppy, hot mess of ’80s homage + comedy + slasher horror. At the best of times, it’s a scorching social satire aimed at hip modern audiences. Somewhere in between, Slice falls into the category of fun yet forgettable horror. Father Gore can ignore a messy movie when there are other things going on. Vesely’s movie at least has its satire to fall back on, allowing him to comically comment on our society’s problems. He tackles gentrification’s negative effects by putting a pizza shop over an asylum which is also the gateway to Hell. He takes down white feminists by casting them as witches who’ve ignored everyone else in favour of themselves. He punches up at institutions trying to capitalise on the “arbitrary divisions” separating people in cities all over America. In the end, Kingfisher, as a community, comes together in order to fend off the malevolence of the witches and their nefarious agenda. Cheesy as it is – get it? – the community uniting across their divisions is ultimately a hopeful message. Maybe real people can’t or won’t ever come together like the werewolves, ghosts, and living humans of Kingfisher. We can all certainly hold out hope.

SLICE: Mediocre Horror Doubles as Killer Modern Satire Slice. 2018. Directed & Written by Austin Vesely. Starring Zazie Beetz, Chance the Rapper, Chris Parnell, Y'lan Noel, Paul Scheer, Austin Vesely, Rae Gray, Will Brill, & Kelli Simpkins.