meganlynn05

[meganlynn05]

Still thinking about Chris sitting down to watch the midseason finale of Hotshots. Curled up on the sofa. His dad asked if he wanted some insider info and he said yeah, duh, so his dad told him to keep an eye out for the end of the episode. That a certain Fire Captain would be making his long-awaited comeback.

Chris had thanked him and very graciously not mentioned that he already knew Captain Banner was going to be in the episode cause someone on reddit had spotted Brad Torrence on set three weeks ago. But whatever.

Chris tunes in, spends the episode live-texting with his friends. It’s a good one. Suspenseful. Dramatic. Funny and heartfelt as usual. And then right at the end he hears a voice that sounds confusingly familiar, and then suddenly his dad is there. His face filling up the whole screen and Chris feels something too big to name fill up his chest as he says a line, and then Buck says a line, and the Chimney is there too somehow. And he pinches himself but he’s not dreaming, and his phone is blowing up because Brad Torrence is awake, and he actually couldn’t care and less about a fictional firefighter if he tried.

The episode ends and the teaser plays for some high rise fire that isn’t going to happen until March.

He rewinds the show until it hits the start of the hospital scene. Watches it again.

And again.

And again.

By the fourth go around he’s got a text from his dad. Have you watched the new Hotshots yet? Wow. Kinda desperate, Chris thinks.

Yeah, he texts back. And then, At least you’re a better actor than Buck.

His dad laugh reacts and Chris thinks that’s going to be the end of it. Hopes it is. Hopes it isn’t.

I’ll tell him not to quit his day job, so.

Chris laughs, and sighs, and misses his dad.

Well, don’t quit yours either.

[meganlynn05]

whyyyy do people always want to gloss over the reality that eddie did in fact come clean with kim and break things off, and that what christopher walked in on was an inexplicable situation where kim showed up looking like shannon and despite him repeatedly asking her to stop, she pushed at him until he broke? like, just bc other characters have assumed the worst about what occurred doesn’t mean you need to also be ungenerous with him like, we actually have all the facts!!

[meganlynn05]

bum bum bum🥁🥁🥁

[meganlynn05]

Alright guys - it's 102 days until the second half of season 8 airs and I'm going to need your help with coming up with polls to fill the time! You can help in two ways:

Submit asks with poll ideas - can literally be anything. You don't even need to come up with the poll options! They can be episode or character related.

If you have an encyclopaedic knowledge of the show, I have a lot of half-written polls that I need help completing. If you can volunteer some time to look through my planning doc and make some suggestions for the options, send me an ask!

Thanks!!!!

[meganlynn05]

"Oh" Buddie | 622 words

Eddie gets on the plane to El Paso. His stuff - his furniture, the boxes containing the whole life he's built, his fucking truck - is all already on it's way with the movers, scheduled to show up tomorrow morning. The house in L.A. is empty and ready to be rented or sold depending on - well depending on Eddie probably.

He walks thought the Las Vegas airport on his layover in a daze and knows it has nothing to do with the fact that Buck dropped him off at the airport at 4am and everything to do with the fact that he feels so fucking alone already. He manages to get some sleep on the second leg of his journey and by the time he's landing in El Paso he feels more like a person, but no less lost.

He Ubers to his new house, a rental because he couldn't close on buying a house fast enough for his taste, and it doesn't feel like home - of course it doesn't, it's empty and Chris isn't in it and Buck isn't in it and fuck Eddie hates this. He hates that he came to this. Hates that it's been three months and his kid still won't talk to him for more than a few minutes. Hates this stupid fucking house.

He's laying on the floor in the empty living room, regretting not just driving and moving his shit himself just to have something to do, when there's a knock on the door. He almost doesn't answer it, but he heaves himself off the floor, plasters a smile on his face, and readies himself for a welcome wagon.

Except it isn't a nosy neighbor. It isn't someone welcoming him to the neighborhood. It's Buck.

Buck is there, looking tired as hell, but he's smiling at Eddie like he's the best thing he's seen all day and Eddie knows he's smiling back just the same.

"Don't you have a shift tomorrow?"

"I'm taking some time off," Buck shrugs and walks into the house, a duffel bag on his shoulder. His Jeep's in the driveway. Eddie has to blink a few times to make sure it's real.

"Not that I'm mad, but why are you here?"

"I didn't want you to have to do through this alone," Buck just shrugs again like he didn't apparently drive twelve hours to be here. Like he didn't drop Eddie off at LAX and probably immediately start driving. Like he isn't breaking Eddie's brain a little standing in this empty living room.

"Oh," is all Eddie manages to say before Buck is hugging him.

That word echos around his head while they unpack Buck's Jeep. He apparently made a pit stop at the loft before following Eddie because he's got a few suitcases, his stupid fucking Hildy coffee maker, a sleeping bag, some pillows, and his tablet.

"Oh" Eddie thinks as Buck drops his bags in what was going to be the spare bedroom but has already been changed to Buck's room in Eddie's head.

"Oh" he thinks as Buck orders them dinner while Eddie calls to internet provider because they were supposed to have come set it up last week but didn't.

"Oh" he thinks as the set up their sleeping bags in the living room that night because Buck likes the idea of a sleepover.

"Oh" he thinks as he's drifting off to sleep - this is what it feels like he be loved unconditionally. This is what it feels like to be loved and love in return. This is what it feels like to be a team - to be partners.

"Oh fuck" he thinks as he realizes what he probably should have years ago.

He's in love with Buck.

[meganlynn05]

your hand in my pocket to keep us both warm

post 8x08 because i'm SAD in a way that can only be eased with buddie hurt/comfort 💔 title from abstract (psychopomp) by hozier

-

Buck is the one to drive him to the airport because who else would it be?

It feels a lot like deja vu as he approaches the glass doors of Departures but his step only falters for a moment before Eddie’s hand is catching his sleeve at the elbow and leading him through them. It’s further than Abby ever let him get.

Eddie lets him go as far the security line and he almost looks regretful when he turns to face Buck.

Buck would like to think he’s handled this well so far. He’s been supportive, helped Eddie choose his new home, listened to his fears about his parents, reassured him about Christopher, promised to oversee the shipping of the rest of Eddie’s stuff next week. He’s done everything right.

It hasn’t made any of this feel less wrong.

They look at each other now, awkward in a way they never are, until Eddie drops his bag and pulls him into a hug without saying anything.

Maybe because there’s nothing to say. Buck’s heart has been lodged in his throat since he parked the car; he’s not even sure he could say anything if he wanted to.

Eddie’s arms around him are a familiar weight though so Buck allows himself to sink into them. To tuck his chin into the crook of Eddie’s shoulder and to fist his hands in the back of his jacket like if he holds on tight enough he might be able to convince Eddie to stay.

When Eddie does pull back he makes no attempt to leave the circle of Buck’s arms. Instead one of his hands goes to that same spot at the juncture of Buck’s neck – always the same spot – and when his thumb makes contact with the divot in Buck’s throat he seeks out Buck’s gaze.

“Hey,” he murmurs. “Don’t look at me like that.”

“Like what?” Buck croaks, the tell-tale burn behind his eyes becoming more pronounced by the second.

“Like I’m Abby,” Eddie sighs. “Or Ali. Or Tommy. I’m not leaving you, Buck.”

Buck tries to laugh but it comes out too hysterical and Eddie’s hand tightens on his neck.

“I’m leaving,” he allows. “But I’m not leaving you.”

“I don’t know what I’m gonna do without you,” Buck says, the words wobbling in the middle. His hands are still twisted in Eddie’s jacket.

“And you think I do?” Eddie asks with a half-laugh. “Who am I gonna talk to when my folks are driving me crazy? Who am I gonna talk to when I do anything? Besides, you think Chris will accept you not visiting at least once a month?”

Truthfully, Buck has no idea what Chris wants right now but he clings to Eddie’s words anyway.

“Everyone at work is gonna find me insufferable. It was bad enough that last time you weren’t there.”

Eddie laughs again, thumb brushing Buck’s neck seemingly absentmindedly. “No they won’t. And I’ll be on Facetime so much it’ll be like I never left.”

Buck ducks his head but nods anyway, gathering up the courage to say what he wants to say next. “I know you have to go,” he starts, steeling himself as he makes himself meet Eddie’s gaze. “But please don’t go forever.”

Eddie’s expression blanks, his mouth parting over nothing. Buck can only stare back, hoping that just this once it might be different. That he won’t get a, ‘Take care of yourself, Buck,’ and a hand to the cheek before the person in front of him disappears forever.

Eddie doesn’t touch his cheek. Instead he presses their foreheads together hard enough to hurt, hard enough to make Buck’s breath catch and rush out of him on a shaky exhale.

“I won’t. I promise,” Eddie breathes and his hand moves from Buck’s neck to the back of Buck’s head and Buck can’t help wondering for a moment what would happen if he closed the distance between them. If Eddie would kiss him back.

It’s not a thought he’s ever entertained before but he’s thinking it now and it feels…like it makes sense. Like an inevitability.

And what a time to have a realisation like that.

Eddie leans back then and Buck forces himself to unclench his hands, attempting to smooth out the back of Eddie’s jacket with trembling hands.

“You should go,” he says because Eddie won’t.

Eddie nods faintly in agreement and it looks like it takes every ounce of effort for him to take a step back. Buck picks up his bag for him, offers it to him, and tries for a weak smile so Eddie will know it’s okay. That he can go and Buck won’t cause a scene.

“I’ll call you as soon as I get to my parents place.”

Buck nods. “Give Chris a hug for me.”

“I will.”

Eddie starts looking towards the security line again and Buck blurts out, “Tell him I love him.”

Eddie looks back to him, a devastating smile of understanding on his face. “He knows already. But I will.”

Buck nods again and then there’s nothing left to say. Eddie turns to go and Buck does the same because he can’t watch until he’s out of sight. It hurts too much already and he can barely hold his tears back as it is.

He doesn’t need to watch himself get left behind again.

~

He’s just unlocking his car when his phone rings. He doesn’t check who it is as he climbs in, just shoves the phone between his ear and his shoulder as he reaches for his seatbelt.

“Keep me company while I wait for my flight?”

He straightens so quickly the phone almost falls into his lap but he catches it just in time. And he tries to laugh but he thinks it might come out more like a sob. “Keep me company on the drive home?”

“Always,” Eddie says like they’re driving home from work after a long shift.

Buck switches his phone to speaker mode and looks down at the keys in his hand, at the keys to the loft, Maddie’s place and Eddie’s house respectively, considering his options before turning on the ignition.

“So there’s the guy at the gate-“ Eddie starts and Buck lets the sound of his voice wash over him. Allows himself just one singular moment where he closes his eyes and holds his hand to his chest before he pulls himself together and drives out of his space.

Eddie is offering him a play by play of the guy at the gate who’s insisting his luggage is not chirping and Buck gets his breath back enough to make a quip about how that made it through the security scanner.

When he reaches the freeway it takes hardly any thought at all for him to take the exit that’ll get him to the Diaz house fastest.

He’s going home after all.

~

[meganlynn05]

See the thing is, I think Eddie wants to move because he doesn’t want to miss Chris’s big moments, yeah. But he still also doesn’t want to open the metaphorical door. He wants Chris to. He’s moving because he thinks being closer will mean Chris opens the door. but I don’t think it’s about proximity, at least not entirely. It’s also about Eddie needing to be the adult, push passed his parents, and open the fucking door. Sometimes as a parent you have to make the first move - he gave another father that advice earlier this season. He needs to talk to Chris, face to face, where Chris can’t hide or end the call.

Because the thing is, Eddie is brave but he’s also a coward. He’s so scared of pushing and having Chris completely shut him out again that he's frozen and hasn't made a single move. And doing that has meant his parents have frozen him out of Chris's life, whether that's intentional or not. He doesn't need to move to Texas to be brave, but he does need to go to Texas and open the door.

[meganlynn05]

I swear to god I started this days before the S08E08.

But I do love being correct about them calling each other. And Buck dumping pastries on Eddie.

Shout out to @fraddit, who has compiled an amazing reference set for Eddie's house, which I didn't end up using as much as I thought, except for the outside.

[meganlynn05]

EDDIE 'SILLY GOOSE' DIAZ IN WANNABES (8.08)

[meganlynn05]

Buck thought Eddie was watching p*rn at the kitchen table and really said oooh lemme see! 👀😂

[meganlynn05]

Sorry but I'm still stuck on Buck using the extremely weak excuse of "I baked every spec of flour that I had" when he showed up at Eddie's place. Because there's certainly a grocery store closer than Eddie's house. There's no guarantee that Eddie even has flour.

He showed up at Eddie's place because he's lonely and he wants to be with his best friend. It's not about the flour. It's not about baking snickerdoodles. It's about Eddie and Eddie's house being Buck's safe space to land when he's spiraling.

[meganlynn05]

Trying to put thoughts together.

Because Tim is putting A LOT of emphasis on how Buck is feeling about Eddie leaving. What's Eddie gonna feel about it? Christopher is his number one but Eddie should absolutely have feelings about leaving LA/the 118 but especially about leaving Buck.

So, Buck's probably gonna spend most of ep 9 spiraling about Eddie and then something happens to Maddie.

I'd say the perfect time for Eddie to put his plans aside for a moment to try and help hold Buck together and then when Maddie is safe, Eddie is stuck thinking about what, who, he's leaving.

Hopefully prompting him to talk to Chris properly about what he wants and if he wants Eddie to move to El Paso and all that.

No expectations here, just hoping Buck's not the only one with feelings about this potential change lol

[meganlynn05]

this is such an unbelievable scene because there's two realizations happening simultaneously:

eddie is having the realization that he was never really alone through this whole ordeal and there has always been a we with him and buck.

while on the other hand, buck is having the realization that in the end he truly always just ends up back where he started. alone.

[meganlynn05]

you're the risk, i'm gonna take it

buy me a coffee 💌

[meganlynn05]

oliverstarkk: Final episode of the year! We’ll be back in March. See you then ✌️🚨

[meganlynn05]

'Do you think about him when he's not around? Are his concerns your concerns? Um, is his happiness at least as important to you as yours?'