meganlynn05

[meganlynn05]

I didn't really know how to divide the categories but I tried my best.

Please recognize for larger sample size!!

[meganlynn05]

“we need more platonic relationships in media” your inability to turn off your shipping brain is a You problem

[meganlynn05]

911onabc: If you saw me at a new year's eve party, no you didn't.

[meganlynn05]

merry christmas from the buckley-hans 🎄✨

[meganlynn05]

#Happy international Holiday

[meganlynn05]

anyway, eddie diaz once he realizes that yeah. he can have buck. buck can have him? once he realizes that this is within his reach? no, actually, it’s already in his hands? that eddie diaz is going to be the most FREE and ELATED and OPEN man to ever exist. he’s going to breathe SO fully, so completely, he’s going to breathe with his whole goddamn body because he is in LOVE with A MAN. and that man is buck. eddie diaz is a man in love with another man and it makes him so fucking happy that the whole world turns brighter. that eddie diaz is going to smile so hard that his cheeks are going to be sore and it’s going to be REAL. because being in love with another man makes eddie diaz the happiest guy in the whole world.

[meganlynn05]

i think eddie’s queercoding is a little messy and the writers’ intentions with his sexuality feel inconsistent at times (hence the endless debate over his specific brand of queerness) but honestly? nobody on my dash is explicitly saying it, so i will. i really do think he’s just bisexual with an emotional and/or romantic preference for men.

like i do think he was deeply in love with shannon, and i fully believe that his trauma surrounding their fractured relationship and her subsequent death plays into his intimacy issues with his other girlfriends, but i also think that outside of that, there’s always been an element of needing to Be a certain way in his relationships with women that he’s never faced with men because he’s never stopped to consider that his relationships with men could be romantic in nature. it’s why his relationship with shannon failed in the first place: given what we know about eddie’s background and the way that he had to take on the ‘man of the house’ role as a child, it’s likely that as soon as he found out that he was going to be a father, he immediately fell prey to the role that was hand-carved out for him: to be a provider for shannon, to be strong and stoic and to never let anyone know how he was feeling. and so he did it, but it didn't work, because he left her, and then she left him, and by the time they came back together, sex was the only method of connection he had left because he was too afraid to open his heart up to her. maybe they once felt that magic as kids on a lake, but then they grew up. and they didn't grow together. and the tragedy of it all is that this was never imposed upon him by shannon. all she wanted was a partner, but he couldn’t be that for her because he never allowed himself to be vulnerable. with ana, although he pursued her because he liked her and because he wanted to stop feeling like he was drowning in his grief for shannon, he stayed despite knowing something was wrong because he wanted to be a good father and do right by his son. still a provider, but this time it was attempting to provide a sense of security for his son who’d already lost so much. he didn't want to take away another person that his kid cared about, and so he thought, i have to give it a try, maybe i’ll feel the way i should eventually, right? and with marisol……honestly, s6 told us point-blank that eddie is terrified of being alone and i think the reason why he stayed with her for so long is so that he could avoid that loneliness. (and also bc buck told him to. i blame buck for that).

but anyway. before i got sidetracked, the point i was going to make is that there isn't any indication in the text that eddie isn't physically attracted to the women he's dated. he canonically enjoys having sex with them and he was in love with shannon....but i just think that from what we've seen, he's more emotionally drawn to men and he finds it much easier for him to be vulnerable in his relationships with men specifically because he's never considered that he could love them. this way, he never has to be afraid of letting them down in the one specific way that men let down their wives. with buck, there’s no pressure. buck has always made eddie feel safe enough that he's never felt the need to perform or put those emotional barriers up because he doesn’t have to provide anything other than his company. he can just be eddie, and that's enough for buck. and tbh this also tracks with the platonic relationships he's had with both men and women. when he doesn't feel the pressure of a romantic relationship, he blooms and feels much more comfortable sharing aspects of his life that he wouldn't trust his girlfriends with (see: the beach scene with felisa where they discussed chris's experience with the tsunami. i can't name a single scene where eddie opened up to a romantic interest about something similar). buck is the only person he's given both his love and his trust to, and i think both of them are strong enough that he'll continue to feel secure even after they transition to a romantic relationship because buck has proven over and over again that eddie can crack his heart open and buck will be there to hold him through it. also lest anyone think this is straight!eddie truthing (or anything except for bisexual, really)....please go watch the poker scene. he wants buck AND he loves him AND he trusts him. yay

[meganlynn05]

Buddie 22, for the kiss prompts

22. ...in a rush of adrenaline 

Eddie’s been back from Texas for three days, and Buck’s not done being giddy about it. Every time he looks over and sees Eddie’s turnouts hanging up by the engine bay, or Eddie’s water bottle sitting on the table, or Eddie’s phone left sitting on the jumpseat next to Buck’s, he gets a little jolt of joy, like there’s a tiny dude in Buck’s chest who keeps doing fistpumps. And that’s nothing compared to the joy of getting to look at Eddie himself, which Buck is just drinking in like a plant coming out of a drought. 

It’s a busy shift, so they don’t have a ton of time to sit and catch up, but honestly they don’t really need to catch up? They talked every day that Eddie was away. What Buck missed was this—Eddie’s thigh pressed against his in the truck, Eddie rolling his eyes when Chim asks if he still remembers how to drive in LA traffic, Cap saying “Buck, Eddie, you’re on the roof,” and running for the stairs, confident that Eddie is right behind him. 

The last call of the day is a rope rescue, two kids messing around in Sunken City who fell halfway down the crumbling cliff when a chunk of old concrete gave way. Cap sends the two of them down at once, Ravi and Chim working the ropes above. It’s a tricky angle, both kids clinging onto the concrete slab and trying not to breathe, the slab balanced on a rock like a seesaw. Pulling one kid into a harness could send the other kid to the ground, so they have to work in perfect, careful unison. It’s even trickier, because one of the kids has a broken leg, and needs to be put into a basket. It’s hard, painstaking, dangerous work.

It goes flawlessly. Eddie anticipates his every move, Buck reaching out automatically to compensate whenever Eddie makes a decision. Eddie gets his kid strapped to the basket, Buck carefully counterbalancing the slab while easing his kid into the harness. Around them the day is blue and perfect, the Pacific spread out a hundred feet beneath them, a gentle California sun shining cloudlessly down on the back of Buck’s neck, turning Eddie’s eyes a warm golden brown. They push off at the same time, and the slab rocks wildly and plummets down to the rocks below. Buck swings in the air with his patient, is caught by the line, pulled cleanly up through the perfect day. He doesn’t need to look to know that Eddie is doing the same, like knowing where his hand is, like having perfect control over his own body.

They get the kids up to solid ground, hand them off to Chim and Hen to be assessed. They put both kids in the ambo and head out, and Ravi’s wrapping up the ropes, and Buck is so purely, perfectly, utterly happy, filled to bursting with it, happiness straining at the seams of his body and making his breath come too fast. Eddie’s right there, grinning at him, sweaty and out of breath just like Buck, and Buck—can’t keep it together, can’t possibly contain this feeling. It's not a dude fistpumping, now, it's a whole cheering stadium. He grabs Eddie into a fast hard sideways hug, and what he means to do is smack a kiss on Eddie’s cheekbone, but Eddie tilts toward him, not reading Buck’s mind for once, and Buck kisses the corner of Eddie’s mouth.

Eddie laughs through it, says okay, okay, Buck, returns the sideways squeeze, and lets him go. And Buck—

—wants to do it again. 

He manages not to kiss Eddie again as they clean up the scene, get back in the engine, his leg jiggling restlessly up and down, blurting out facts about Sunken City (Did you know that it’s the site of a natural landslide from 1929? The graveyard of a whole neighborhood, slowly sinking into the ocean? Did you know a different part of Point Fermin literally fell into the ocean in 2011? Just a whole section of the road!) while Cap laughs at him and Ravi rolls his eyes and Eddie just sits there smiling fondly at him. It’s a perfect shift, a perfect save, a perfect day. 

Eddie’s mouth is so perfectly unkissed, except for one corner; Buck’s whole body itches at the feeling of a job left undone.

They get back to the station just in time for the end of their shift. Buck still feels wired, shaky with adrenaline and happiness and that deep itchy dissatisfaction—and then Eddie’s waiting for him, leaning against the side of his jeep, and it’s not that Buck didn’t expect it, but it still makes him want to explode. “You want me to drive,” Eddie asks, amused, as Buck’s hands shake a little bit as he gets the keys into the ignition.  “Ha ha,” Buck says, and takes them out of the parking lot, sailing down the 110 (even the traffic cooperates with him! A true LA miracle!) towards his favorite place on earth. So funny, just three days ago it was his least favorite place on earth, or at least a place it hurt to drive past. 

“You good,” Eddie asks, because Buck’s leg is still jiggling. 

“Yeah,” he says, and flashes a smile at him, quick over the steering wheel. “Just a little wired.” 

“Well, don’t crash the car and we can work out your energy when we get to the house,” Eddie says casually, and Buck—doesn’t crash the car.  “Oh yeah?” he asks. “How are you gonna do that?” 

He sees Eddie grin out of the corner of his eye. He expects Eddie to make a joke about taking him for a run, or maybe asking him to play fetch. “I don’t know,” Eddie says instead, something in his voice that is like and not like amusement. He brings his thumb up to rub at the corner of his mouth, the exact place Buck’s accidental kiss landed.  “I’ve got some ideas.” 

Buck’s next breath shakes in and shakes out, like he’s just run a mile. “Eddie,” he says. 

“It’s good to be back,” Eddie says. “I liked Station 26, but it wasn’t the same.” Buck has never hated anything like he hated El Paso Fire Station 26, and he’s also been trying to tell himself for months now that everyone at Station 26 was sharp, competent, good at their jobs. Once he stayed up until four in the morning Google-stalking every single one of Eddie’s new coworkers, trying to figure out which person he most trusted to have Eddie’s back. (He’d decided on this guy Ben, and then he’d stared at Ben’s public Facebook profile—who still had a public Facebook profile?—and imagined Ben giving Eddie a fistbump at a scene, Ben knocking his knee against Eddie’s knee in the truck, Ben and Eddie working together easily and seamlessly and joyfully, Ben having Eddie’s back, Ben coming over for dinner with Eddie and Chris in their new house in El Paso, and he’d wound up angrily crying into his pillow for another forty-five minutes.) “Screw Station 26,” Buck says, with lavish, easy hatred. “They didn’t deserve you anyway.” 

“Harsh,” Eddie says. 

“You said yourself that Captain Reece didn’t even do family dinners! You deserve family dinners, Eddie!” Eddie deserves a lot more than that, in Buck’s opinion. Homemade bread from a really good sourdough starter. His favorite beer from that one brewery in San Pedro that’s always a pain in the ass to drive to. Someone to have his back at all times. A vacation in the Bahamas. A thousand yellow daisies. 

Eddie’s hand lands on Buck’s knee, which he’s jiggling again. Eddie is laughing at him again, low and soft. “Well, I’m back now.” Buck swallows. “You are.” 

Eddie squeezes his knee, and Buck’s stomach jumps visibly through the fabric of his shirt. Eddie doesn’t say anything, but Buck sees him smile. 

Buck turns onto South Bedford street, and whatever easy unspoken thing was there between them in the air over Point Fermin must still be going, because as Buck pulls into the driveway, sliding the jeep into park, Eddie’s sliding a hand onto his shoulder. “Hey,” he says.  Buck twists to face Eddie, the gearshift between them, his heart thundering, Eddie’s thumb pressed into the dip above his clavicle. “Hey,” he says. 

Eddie is smiling at him, fond and a little incredulous. “You wanna finish the job now?” He taps the corner of his mouth with his free hand, and Buck’s stomach does a flip. 

Buck wants to ask how the hell Eddie reads his mind like that, but he’s too busy leaning in, cradling Eddie’s beautiful face in his hands, and kissing Eddie square on the lips. Eddie ruins it immediately by laughing into the kiss, but that’s okay. Better than okay; it’s perfect, Eddie laughing and Buck laughing into his mouth, the kiss somehow still continuing, awkward and hilarious and sincere. 

“I didn’t mean to do that,” Buck confesses eventually, after Eddie has been very, very thoroughly kissed. "The, um, whole thing was an accident. Adrenaline, and, um. Bad timing. Not that I'm complaining! I definitely wanted to, um—but I swear to you I have better game than that. I swear it's gonna be way better from, uh, from here on out." "Jesus Christ," Eddie says, quietly glowing in the afternoon light. "I missed you."

"Oh," Buck says, and kisses Eddie again.

[meganlynn05]

The 25th song on your top songs Spotify wrapped playlist predicts your 2025. How screwed are you?

[meganlynn05]

Lucky 13, unlucky 13. No matter your superstitions, what is the 13th song on your spotify wrapped? 

[meganlynn05]

last year when i posted this people melted down and went out of their way to misinterpret the purpose of this exercise and just say insane racist shit; the goal is to get you to reflect on whether or not you engage with black music and black art and artists, and if you seem to avoid doing so, to ask yourself why that is

if you would like, feel free to share the song/artist in the tags to share recs! always easier to begin or continue diversifying your listening habits with suggestions :)

[meganlynn05]

the argument that we need to see more platonic male friendships on tv would be one i could take seriously if we lived in a world of male best friends who are just constantly falling in love but queer friends to lovers stories (for all genders and most definitely for men) is not at all an oversaturated market and pretending as if it is, is incredibly disingenuous behaviour.

if anything the overwatered market is platonic male friendships on tv. try name me one tv show airing right now that doesn’t have at least one central platonic male friendship. like genuinely. you can’t. i just think there’s no need for us to be silly about it and write think pieces about the desert of male platonic friendships we’re facing in media when it’s simply ~ not true ~

(also friends to lovers is the best trope there is why is it so bad to want more of that)

[meganlynn05]

Still thinking about Chris sitting down to watch the midseason finale of Hotshots. Curled up on the sofa. His dad asked if he wanted some insider info and he said yeah, duh, so his dad told him to keep an eye out for the end of the episode. That a certain Fire Captain would be making his long-awaited comeback.

Chris had thanked him and very graciously not mentioned that he already knew Captain Banner was going to be in the episode cause someone on reddit had spotted Brad Torrence on set three weeks ago. But whatever.

Chris tunes in, spends the episode live-texting with his friends. It’s a good one. Suspenseful. Dramatic. Funny and heartfelt as usual. And then right at the end he hears a voice that sounds confusingly familiar, and then suddenly his dad is there. His face filling up the whole screen and Chris feels something too big to name fill up his chest as he says a line, and then Buck says a line, and the Chimney is there too somehow. And he pinches himself but he’s not dreaming, and his phone is blowing up because Brad Torrence is awake, and he actually couldn’t care and less about a fictional firefighter if he tried.

The episode ends and the teaser plays for some high rise fire that isn’t going to happen until March.

He rewinds the show until it hits the start of the hospital scene. Watches it again.

And again.

And again.

By the fourth go around he’s got a text from his dad. Have you watched the new Hotshots yet? Wow. Kinda desperate, Chris thinks.

Yeah, he texts back. And then, At least you’re a better actor than Buck.

His dad laugh reacts and Chris thinks that’s going to be the end of it. Hopes it is. Hopes it isn’t.

I’ll tell him not to quit his day job, so.

Chris laughs, and sighs, and misses his dad.

Well, don’t quit yours either.

[meganlynn05]

whyyyy do people always want to gloss over the reality that eddie did in fact come clean with kim and break things off, and that what christopher walked in on was an inexplicable situation where kim showed up looking like shannon and despite him repeatedly asking her to stop, she pushed at him until he broke? like, just bc other characters have assumed the worst about what occurred doesn’t mean you need to also be ungenerous with him like, we actually have all the facts!!

[meganlynn05]

bum bum bum🥁🥁🥁