#or sometimes tumblr does do some weird shit and asks just disappear which kills my motivation for writing

[randoimago]

Hi I just wanted to ask but what happened to the fire emblem requests in your drafts ? I saw that you were writing some before but then they just disappeared are you going to post them or not ? For context the requests were a usually calm s/o getting angry and a seamstress one btw I'm not the one who requested them just curious to see what happened

I deleted them for a mix of reasons. No motivation for the fandom / didn't get any ideas with the information that was given / they've been sitting in my drafts for a long time that I felt bad each time I looked at my drafts.

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 314: ...Or You Live Long Enough to See Yourself Become the Villain

Previously on BnHA: Some random assholes were all “let’s throw exploding spears at All Might and see if it activates his Conqueror’s Haki” and SURPRISE, MOTHERFUCKERS, IT DID!! Elsewhere, Lady Nagant confusingly tried to capture Deku alive by shooting him in the stomach, but to be fair I guess that’s what happens when you send an assassin to do a bounty hunter’s job, so yeah. Deku was all “ouch”, and then because this is a shounen he basically just straight up forgot about it, and did a big fancy Smokescreen thing, and then activated his mildly incomprehensible new ki-blasting quirk which he got from the Third. En and the Third were all “hey Deku maybe let’s not just impulsively activate all this shit in the heat of battle when you don’t know how to use it yet and you’re already injured,” and Deku was all “thanks for the quirks guys but I’ll take it from here” and snuck up on Nagant and grabbed her arm and so now what’s going to happen I wonder.

Today on BnHA: Nagant is all “[shoots Deku again]” because of course she is lol. Deku is all “tell me about AFO!” and Nagant is all “why would I tell you anything?” and then proceeds to tell him her entire life story which is FILLED WITH SO MUCH MURDER, YOU GUYS. Holy shit. So basically she was an assassin for the HPSC, which we already knew, but somehow it’s one thing to know that, and another to actually see her running around capping dudes in the forehead and being covered in more blood than the elevator from The Shining. Anyway, so you’ll never believe it, but all that murder had a negative impact on her psychologically, and eventually led her to question everything she believed about hero society, and so she killed her creepy boss and was promptly sent to Tartarus. This extremely fun chapter ends with Overhaul showing up all “HI, HELLO, I’M STILL HERE”, because for some reason he is still here. Why are you still here, Overhaul.

“the beautiful Lady Nagant” oh you know your audience don’t you Horikoshi

well all right then! so I’m guessing this means that she is not, in fact, going to roll over and die just because Deku’s out here all “GOT YA!” like they’re playing a game or tag or something. ffff may the manga gods have mercy on our young suicidal protagonist

lmao so Deku is all “GOD I’M SO SMART, WHAT A GOOD STRATEGY I HAD, CAPITOL JOB THERE OL’ CHAP, CAPITOL” and lol, okay. I mean, it was a good plan though. but I’m still waiting for the other shoe to drop here

“I’ll make you give me information on All for One” well there you go, lol. Deku Angst arc still fully engaged. still no light in his eyes either of course. just a lil chaotic ball of sleep deprivation and rage

lol, fucking THANK YOU though

oh my god what the hell did she do to him lol

did she shoot him with her elbow??? fucking look at this?? THIS IS WHY WE LISTEN TO HAWKS oh my god Deku are you dead

WHAT’S HAPPENING, IS THIS GOOD OR BAD, WHO’S WINNING

things that I wish I could tell from this panel which I unfortunately cannot tell

did she stab him or shoot him?? can you imagine if it was the former lol. why does Horikoshi keep stabbing all my kids. look Kacchan now the two of you can match

did she actually hit him or did he get away??

or did she hit him and then he jumped away?? just, what

well anyway, so now Deku is asking her why she sided with AFO, but he seems a lot more pissed off than when he was interrogating Muscular, though. probably because she shot him three times. fair enough

oh my god

does Lady have a blog here on tumblr dot com?? -- does Horikoshi have a blog here on tumblr motherfucking dot com?? why do I suddenly feel like this man is out here sneakily reading up on all our discourse

oh my god Deku it’s almost like getting up close and personal with someone who can shoot custom bullets from any distance and any position with deadly accuracy was a terrible fucking idea

IF ONLY SOMEONE HAD WARNED YOU NOT TO ENGAGE WITH HER AT ALL COSTS. IF ONLY SOMEONE HAD HAD THE FORESIGHT TO DO THAT sob. can you imagine how much shorter this series would be if characters actually listened to Hawks. Hawks, and Momo. why do we even let anyone else run the show ever

OH MY GOD

DEKU, RUN

OH MY GOD WHAT IS HAPPENING

this looks a lot like what happens to me whenever I play One’s Justice. those fucking combo attacks that you can’t fucking escape from and so your character just has to stand there getting their ass whalloped repeatedly while you wonder why you paid $40 for this

but anyways though. so Lady who did you kill?? I bet they deserved it, don’t worry I forgive you

(ETA: ANYWAY SO FRIENDLY REMINDER THAT LADY NAGANT DID NOTHING WRONG EVER IN HER ENTIRE LIFE. aside from murdering all those innocent people and shit. but there were CIRCUMSTANCES, and THEY WERE EXTENUATING, OKAY.)

-- holy shit

looks like the HPSC arc is back on the menu boys

so are we about to learn that the HPSC was going full Hydra on people’s asses? secretly dispatching anyone they deemed a threat to society?? “taken care of” as in you fucking shot them??

so then was the “hero” she killed actually one of the guys who was giving or carrying out these orders?? holy shit Lady, up until now I’ve mainly just been stanning you for your flawless eyebrow game and metal af quirk, but this shit could actually get real very quickly, and I am prepared to genuinely and sincerely love the shit out of you depending on what we learn next about your backstory

oh my god?!?

so wait, hold up. am I reading this right?? basically the HPSC started murdering vigilantes because they were worried they were gaining too much of the public’s favor?? holy fucking shit???

oh my GOD oh my god

“it’s been a while since I scarred you all with the dead dog and the graphic slaughter of an entire innocent family, huh,” Horikoshi says thoughtfully. “anyway so what do you all think of my new creation, the Spaghetti Bullet.” well, Horikoshi, so you know that squished-up face that Kermit the Frog makes sometimes? yeah. that’s what I think, if you must know lol

holy hell the juxtaposition

I’m actually kind of surprised to learn she had a lot of fans? what with her M.O., I was expecting her to have been an underground hero like Aizawa, but apparently not? then again I still have absolutely no idea how any of that works. I really need to read Vigilantes already

oh snap

nothing like a sweet dose of assassin trauma to finally round out our BnHA Trauma Bingo!! well done guys, we finally collected all of the traumas! hooray!

noooo Ladyyyyyyy

holy shit what a fucking chapter. like, this man promised us an assassin, and went and fucking delivered. I was not expecting it to be this dark, lol, but holy shit I am here for it

you know, at some point you have to start questioning the logistics of this, though

I mean, how do I put this... her quirk isn’t exactly subtle. that murder scene from a few pages back looked like the first season of Dexter for fuck’s sake, that’s not exactly “disappearing” people now is it?? and I mean, her bullets are literally made from her own fucking hair; it seems like it would be impossible not to leave any evidence behind. did no one start to wonder who the fuck was going around murdering all these people? or did the people who asked too many questions wind up getting conveniently “disappeared” themselves??

and hey, speaking of asking too many questions

holy shit is he blackmailing her??!? or no, wait -- what the hell is he reaching for in his pocket boy you better not

(ETA: what exactly was this man expecting fdslkjd. “uh oh my unstoppable hair trigger assassin who is literally always armed is asking questions, better announce that I am going to shoot her and then reach into my pocket veeeeeery slowly while she stands there all of two feet away.” how did this guy ever function as the head of a shadow government with these decision-making skills, I’m genuinely baffled.)

OH MY GOD LADY YES

this. right here. is why “run the fuck away” was damn good solid fucking advice. oh shit. but my god did this dude have it coming

so wait lol has she just been narrating all of this out loud to Deku this entire time

okay but can we just stop for a moment and appreciate the fact that they’re having this deep conversation about the dark secrets of hero society right in the middle of their intense mid-air sniper free-for-all lol

holy shit you guys, Nagant’s the one that should have made the tell-all video. I mean, no offense to you, Dabi, I’m sure you worked very hard on your video and did a ton of crunches every day so that you would look good with your shirt off while you told the world all about how your dad was a jerk. but seriously...

this is already like 100x more convincing than what he put out. also, gasp, is it another flashback

yes it is oh my gosh

so the HPSC Chairladyperson whom ReDestro killed used to be this guy’s direct subordinate, huh? I wonder if she kept the whole assassin program going after she took over. can’t say I was feeling any particular kind of grieving way about her death before, but certainly not now lol

but unfortunately Nagant has finally lost me at the same place where all of the villains inevitably do, which is to say when they somehow make the dubious mental leap from “society sucks and is bad” to “let’s just be openly fucking evil lol, worth a shot.” because when heroes murder innocent people and cover it up, that’s obviously bad (and I mean, it absolutely fucking is lol, don’t get me wrong); but when villains murder innocent people straight up out in the open without giving a fuck, they’re righteous revolutionaries? just -- is there really no non-murdery middle ground here?? I guess that’s what Deku and co. are for, hopefully

anyways oh shit Deku seems to have spotted something?? and he’s doing something weird with Blackwhip what

oh, he spotted her, I guess

lmaooooo

new favorite Deku panel right here. a masterpiece

oh my god you guys our little boy is starting to grow up before our eyes

you love to see it. and you can tell with those elipses that he’s gearing up to say something really cool and determined and badass like the shounen protag he is, yes please, Deku ilu so much please do your thing

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

IS THAT A TEENY TINY LIL EYE SPARKLE THERE OMG. still not anywhere close to his usual standard, but that’s some clear resolve there in his eyes there at long last! it always shines the most clearly when he’s being true to himself and his ideals, so I love that it finally shows up again here, when he’s reaffirming his resolve to help others no matter what

uh oh so what’s Lady going to do now

is it time for a trump card?? kinda sounding like it’s time for a trump card

???

I lied btw, this is my new favorite Deku panel. but anyways what is she up to now lol

ohhhhhh, lol

why does she seem shocked, lol. here I thought this was part of her plan, but apparently she forgot all about ol’ “Look Ma, No Hands” back up there

and so I guess that’s it for this week! so we’ve learned basically everything now about Lady and her quirk and her history with the HPSC and why she agreed to work for AFO. pretty much the only question that still remains is why the hell she decided to drag this asshole along for the ride! because I still cannot figure that out dsklkjlkf

(ETA: actually now I’m kind of wondering if they maybe have some past connection we don’t know about yet. when exactly was Nagant sent to Tartarus? is it possible she was ordered to track down and kill Overhaul at some point before that, but never got around to it? or something else along those lines? idk but now I’m curious.)

anyways Deku, I know that your empathy has no bounds and that you’re on a “saving villains” kick right now, and good on you... but also, if you decide to just like, skip all of that shit just this once, absolutely no one will hold it against you, I’m just saying. just, all I’m asking here is maybe let’s think twice before we start trying to reform guys who imprison and torture little girls for profit. I think maybe that’s a good place to draw the line. next week is going to be a very interesting chapter lol

[whumpshaped]

Hi friend!! Sorry for disappearing a bit, I’ve really missed you! With finals and all, I’ve hardly had any spare time to check tumblr. I thought I’d tell you about the whumpy dream I just had, though!

Weirdly enough it started out about a penny museum, because dreams, right? But as things evolved, there was this society in my dream that may have been aliens or something? I think they were human though. They were just big on manners and on everyone acting like them :). And so there was this group of chaotic little shits (TM) who were sorta like a superhero group. And they would just break into the society’s place and publicly do things that go against The Rules(TM) just because it’s fun. Sometimes they would break things too. Anyways, one of the people in the silly little rebel group got captured and whumped!!! So we will call them whumpee!!!

Whumpee was the youngest in the group and I think had something to prove, so they went against the plan in order to show off. Except it screwed him over because he ended up getting caught! Anyways, society people came into whatever room they kept him in (it was an actual room with a bed) and he had to be restrained because of course they couldn’t trust him. And they would ask whumpee to say certain phrases or act politely, and of course whumpee was like “no, fuck you” and tried to scream at them and fight them and stuff. So they gave him the weird dream equivalent of a shock collar! I’m just gonna refer to it as a shock collar because I don’t want to explain the dream equivalent.

So anyways, whumpee wakes up, with a shock collar, and promptly freaks out. He’s like “what the fuck did you do to me????” And tries to tug off the collar and stuff. One of the people training him asked him to do a Simple Task nicely, and whumpee was like “what the fuck??? No, fuck you!” and then got electrocuted! So whumpee of course regretted this because it was The Most Pain They Have Felt Ever. And whumper asks him to apologize for his behavior and whumpee does, but isn’t happy about it- but all he can think of is not having to feel the shock collar again. Anyways, flash forward to a different scene, whumpee failed to escape. So whumper turns on the shock collar and tells them to try to emotionally regulate, and then to say “I’m sorry, I was wrong” which is really hard to do but whumpee almost does it!!! So whumper accepts that. Because hey, whumpee is actually trying to be good now! Anyways flash forward, whumpee is actually mostly trained! They are trying their best to be good, but they accidentally ate some food that was Specifically Designated To Never Be Eaten because they thought it was just another snack. When whumpee realizes, he goes to the trainer that’s still occasionally watching over him and tell them he made a mistake really sadly. And whumper is matter of factly like “yeah, you did. We’ll have to punish you for your mistake, but I’ll go easier on you because you told me about it instead of hiding it from me” and then uhh my dream ended I think??? I had to wake up for school. ~🐸

OMGGGGGGGGG AMAZING DREAM. i hope exams went well :D lemme share my whumpy dream in exchange for urs.

tw murder, blood, vampires and broken bones

mine took place in a haunted mansion kinda thing, and there were a group of us trying to make it out alive before sundown. but the place was like a whole maze and it was rly dark. but we knew that if we didnt make it out in time, we would have no chance of running, because the vampires would come.

and then in another scene, i was the vampire (or at least saw things from their perspective), and i killed someone. blood was pooling everywhere. i ran away from the body and acted like i was also A Victim so that the group wouldnt suspect that i was the vampire amongst them, and they believed me.

now the reason i killed that person was tactical: by killing them, i secured my own immortality somehow, but only if i could survive until sundown. which meant i either had to kill the entire rest of the group too or somehow get them to leave me alone if they found out i was a vampire.

so i did smth super bold. i outed myself as the vampire close to sundown. everyone got scared and they wanted to jump me but i was like ok. listen. i could take on All of u. However. i would not survive being taken on by [some powerful vampire hunter who was already on their way to save the group and wouldve been very mad if they found me standing over their corpses]. so my deal is. i'll let u go! i only needed to kill that one person to secure my immortality.

the group hesitantly agreed and i led them outside. but then The Powerful Person showed up. and i was like HOLY SHIT NO ITS ALMOST SUNDOWN I CANT LOSE NOW. so i ran and ran but he was catching up and in my last effort to escape i jumped out a second storey window. guy jumped after me. they somehow landed on their feet without any injuries but i literally broke both my legs and was trying to crawl away from them but i was so slow.

they were already raising their sword when i woke up...

[honestlyandrogynousnightmare]

magic reveal

So ive been thinking about the magic reveal we did get and also the different magic reveals we COULD have gotten so i thought id project all my thoughts into another massive tumblr rant:

personally, i dont think the magic reveal was bad at all. yes, i wouldve done it slightly differently, i think it was done way too late in the show and left little time to explore how that reveal affected merlin and arthurs relationship, and obviously we never actually ended up seeing if magic was legalised and all. but i dont hate the magic reveal we got. the key part i really love is that it was done on Merlins own terms, he could have just lied, but instead he finally told Arthur the truth and i think that there were many reasons for that decision being made. 

firstly, Merlin definitely felt guilty and blamed himself for Arthur being stabbed, he must have at least partly blamed himself because everything he did directly led to Mordred turning into a little shit. Part of him might have just felt as if he owes Arthur that explanation yknow. secondly, i feel like by that point he was tired of lying in general, he needed to get that secret off his chest. those two things combined with the fact that Arthur was dying may have pushed him to telling the truth,  because deep down he did know that it was probably the last chance to tell Arthur the truth. 

i liked how they presented Arthurs reaction too, the clear message there was that Athur was angry at the lying, thats the part he saw as betrayal, not the magic itself. he didnt want to believe that Merlin was a liar, when he always saw him as the one person that was entirely honest with him. hell, he still trusted him enough to send him back to Camelot and Gwen so he knew Merlin wasnt evil. If the writers actually did a good job at developing Arthurs character, i feel like itd be more obvious that Arthurs stance on magic was different from his fathers, but yknow bbc and their shoddy writing. I love that moment of acceptance as well, when he tells Merlin that he doesnt want him to change. He doesnt even now about all the things Merlin sacrificed and lost in order to protect Arthur and Camelot but he still accepts him. I think that when he first fund out it was all like “holy crap i dont even know him” but after spending a few hours with Merlin he realises that its still the exact same person he knew the week before. 

anddddd as much as i like the way they did that magic reveal, the ending of the show left me with no closure and a lot of tears. my ideal magic reveal wouldve happened earlier, either at the start of season 5 or near the end of season 4. It would give us a chance to see them talk it out, and god we know that there would be arguing, and if arthur wasnt dying he would probbaly be shouting but the key part here is that arthur wouldnt hurt merlin. i think he culd consider sending him away if his father was still king just to protect him but we all know merlin would reply with “no <3″. but since i cant see the reveal happening when uther is king, i will be ignoring that scenario. and again, theres many ways this could play out.

the one way that ive always found interesting was arthur figuring it out on his own, because he may be an idiot, but hes not stupid. *if you like this sort of thing read “so close and im halfway to it  on ao3, its a merthur fic and the magic reveal in that one makes me cry so much and the fic is so well written* I feel like at one point, he would just put the pieces together, and it would all make so much sense to him? Merlins random disappearances and scars would make sense, the luck he had when it came to fights, Merlins weird reactions when someone mentioned magic, how on earth merlin of all people managed to survive every battle and fight arthur was in when some of his best knights didnt. 

then theres the very cliche “merlin using magic mid battle to save everyone” reveal. because its mid battle, i really cant picture them talking it out there lol,  i picture a lot of ignoring but also if other people saw him using magic, we all know the first thing arthur would do is give the knights a good old “if you kill him i will kill you and then myself”, it wouldnt be until later that they would actually talk. 

and then like the canon magic reveal, theres Merlin doing it on his own terms. i personally really like thhis one because it gives him so much more control over the situation and over his words. *another fic rec here if you like this sorta thing, its called “to the world that let you by” and its really beautiful and made me cry at 1am so there you go, and as you guessed it, its another merthur*. i love this reveal because it gives merlin a chance to explain, and arthur a chance to listen and try to understand. 

now there are loads of different sub categories that could go into those, like Arthur finding merlin creating butterflies out of thin air lol, but i wont go into those. whatever reveal would happen, i feel like “the talk” after would usually end up in a similar way. Arthurs reaction would be similar to what we got in the canon reveal, because the actual magic isnt what would hurt most.  it would be the lies. Arthur has been lied to and betrayed by so many people you cant really expect him not to react badly to being lied to. the magic sure would confuse him and put him in a difficult position, because you have to keep in mind that his entire life he has been told that magic is pure evil, and to him, merlin is the polar opposite of that. i think it would just make him question everything, like does he even know this man? has he won any of his battles or has it always been merlin? why is he in camelot? why would a sorcerer be serving him? but he wouldnt hurt him. he wouldnt even consider that imo, sure, he will demand an explanation, but he wouldnt actually thin about hurting him. 

and merlin would understand why hes angry about the lying, that much is obvious. and he would be reluctant to tell arthur about the things that were happening behind his back all those years, but he would be honest. and go that conversation would be hard for both of them, i cant really imagine them having it without a lot of crying, shouting and even more wine tbh. arthur isnt good at listening which is why this would be so hard for him too, but merlin has to be honest, completely honest with arthur for the first time in his life and thatd be difficult. 

and i think merlin would handle arthurs reactions well, even if arthur decided to lose his temper lol. but i can still imagine him being a bit bitter if arthur judged his choices and stuff when it came to poisoning morgana and freeing the dragon, asking what on earth HE would do in that situation. where the only choices he sees are bad ones, and he has to pick the one thats least evil. 

arthur would probably be most pissed off at the thing about his mother tbh, because merlin outright lied there, usually its just deflecting but he made that deliberate choice to lie. but i really do think he would understand all of this, while not every choice merlin did was good, he did it with good intention. 

and then arthur would remove the ban on magic and they would kiss and get married amd live happily ever aft-

thanks bbc.

anyway if you want any more magic reveal fics (or links to the ones i mentioned, ao3 can be bloody annoying sometimes) feel free to comment or message me or anything, i have a couple more in my bookmarks. 

thanks for reading this rant, scuse the bad grammar, id love to hear your thoughts and opinions on this and magic reveals in general so feel free to comment! have a great day<3

[maetaamong]

ALL 18 MEMBERS!?!? idk if I even have 18 mutuals sakdjda I love my mutual and I love NCT tho so I’m pumped to do this. 

.

Note 1: Each person will get one (1) gif, a couple sentences, and one (1) member. So you’re welcome

Note 2: the only reason I’m not pairing @xuhoon with a member is because she doesn’t stan NCT

Note 3: I ran out of people that I know well enough to do this for so some people get two (2) members each. They are: @page17 @whoozyuji @undinefin @thedaysix @howcaniwait

!! Stream Yestoday !!

Taeyong: @busan-daegu-hiphoplover​

The two best moms you could ask for. We were just talking about the Dreamies the other day and we both decided I’d join their club and she would be their club leader lmao. Both of these two are so cuddly and loving and just love being loved AND IM HERE TO SUPPLY THE LOVE

Taeil: @thedaysix

I think the gif explains a lot on its own lmao. Taeil is the certified grandpa of NCT and takes care of all of the boys. Just like Boo does with me and the rest of our Beans crew !! He can be a lil shy at first but is super wild once he’s relaxed which I think suits Boo as well. (maybe not as much for the shyness tho lol) They are both just the the most loving people and never let the people around them forget how supported they are.

Johnny: @llavkey​

Both Julia and Johnny start with the letter J are the biggest sweetest dorks I have yet to know. Prime example: when I was feeling sad Julia sent me off to a marriage blog and told me that Hanbin was still free. 11/10 not what I was expecting but tbh better than anything I was expecting. She always sending me the weirdest posts and quizzes and links and honestly I love it all. These two are adorable and awkward and I love em both.

Yuta: @howcaniwait

The first thing that comes to my head when i think of Yuta is just “freaky”

Yuta has the cutest megawatt smile that just lights up the whole damn world. And sucks for all of her followers but I have seen CP’s smile and can confirm its the prettiest thing possibly ever. Also Yuta is just an aesthetically pleasing human being, he doesnt try it just kinda happens. He’s just pretty like that and CP's photo series are the most aesthetically pleasing ever.

Bonus: they’re both weird af

Kun: @thedaysix

The sweetest ray of sunshine ever?? Yes. 

Also sometimes just disappears? Like Boo will just be gone for a few hours on end then come back and send our gc the cutest goodnight message. And Kun was just gONE for years while the rest of the boys debuted. Plus Kun is just always stressed™ about his kids and I know for a fact that if any of Boo’s beans are hurt or upset she’s ready to fite anyone or anything that hurt them. 

!! Stream Yestoday !!

Doyoung: @sambashua​

Another mom lmao. No but both Mir and Dodo are highkey protective of the Dreamies (and the smols of our gc). They’re both so caring and cute!! My favourite bunnies tbh Plus both of them are more than ready to crack a joke here or there.

ALSO BONUS MIR IS AFRAID OF BIRDS AND DODO IS AFRAID OF EVERY ANIMAL LITERALLY EVER

!! Stream New Heroes !!

Ten: @undinefin​

A SMOL !! Ten is the shortest boy and L is the smollest bean, it’s perfect. Also they are the ultimate dancing king and queen. Sure you might have seen Ten on Hit the Stage but have you seen L dance?? Your mind will be bloWN. Ten is scared easily?? But L isn’t?? I mean at the same time tho if you even touch her sides she’ll collapse on the floor cause she’s just that ticklish. Also bonus: they both have dirty minds lol

Jaehyun: @howcaniwait​

Beautiful? Yes. Lovable? Yes. Shy? Sometimes. Flexible? lol no. 

Jaehyun is a bit dramatic sometimes and will draw out his reaction a little bit in order to make those around him laugh and smile. Cue him being kicked in the ass by Taeil during soccer and just dyiNG on the ground. CP isn’t really dramatic lmao but she does try her best to make her friends, followers, and mutuals smile and laugh. Not to mention they’re both the biggest sweethearts.

Winwin: @page17​

You can’t not love Winwin and you can’t not love Nom, it just works like that. Literally every NCTzen and NCT member ever has the biggest soft spot for Sicheng and every member of our gc as well as her 1203913 other mutuals have the biggest soft spot for Nom. They’re both the sweetest of the sweet, Winwin will lose his shIT over ice cream and anything fluffy and Nom just melts over anything cute. But they’re both also lowkey terrifying sometimes. You don’t want to get on they’re bad sides (I love you Nom)

Jungwoo: @aidenfiftyone

He is the most pure human being ever and the only thing I could ever compare him to is the literal sun so um yall are demons and no but at the same time I feel a strong need to not exclude Junguwu like SM DID FOR YEARS so I’m dragging Aidon into the world of kpop so here...

!! Stream Yestoday !!

Lucas: @maetaamong

I literally cannot think of a single mutual of mine who is like Lucas??? But I feel like I sometimes am??? this is my justification go away cause we can both be loud as fuCK when excited. We’re both unnecessarily flirty with friends and are taller than most of our friends. (only Charlie is taller than me lol) 

!! Stream Yestoday !!

Mark: @whoozyuji

SO HARD WORKING !!! If you haven’t read any of Ash’s SVT text posts on @seventeen-teen-teen-trash then you haven’t lived. Ash is always working on creating or planning a new project and I am forever in awe of her creativity and drive. And our baby Mark (who is in all 3 NCT subunits for those who dont know) is always working to deathly hard its lowkey insane.

Bonus: they’re both absolute sweethearts who need to be protected at all costs

Renjun: @gaymergirl69

He’s too pure for you demons just like Mr Junguwu but I love my son too much to pair him with someone who Auden you better take good care of him

The only real connection I can see between my baby Renjun and Auden are that theyre both savage as fuck but like Renjun is pure and....

Jeno: @smittenbyschmidt

An actual sunbeam??? I just melt at Jeno’s smile kill me now Aly is just the sweetest human being and is always sending me random love asks and just being a generally lovely human being. 

Bonus: they both need to be protected at all costs

Haechan: @page17

The two cutest human beings ever???? Legit Nom has the sweetest smile ever. I nearly melted when I first saw it. And we all already know that Haechan is the undisputed aegyo king. Plus he and she are savage as fuCK when they want to be. 

Jaemin: @whoozyuji

A ray of sunshine in the form of a human being. My heart just starts glowing whenever I know that either of these two lovely beans are happy. I mean look at that smile, he’s the cutest. And Ash is the actual loveliest human possibly ever. She takes such good care of her friends and literally everyone wants to be friends with her. She and Jae are both down to poke a little fun at their friends as well.

Chenle: Judy (she doesn’t have Tumblr)

Judy is the sweetest and more pure child I have yet to meet. One smile from just lights up the whole damn world. And lucky for us she’s almost always smiling. If someone she knows walks into the room she just starts beaming. And we all know how lovely and pure our baby Chenle is. I think they can be very similar.

Jisung: @undinefin

Do I even need to explain? The baby with the baby. It’s peRFECT. 

TBH tho both L and Ji are savage af when given the opportunity (example: Ji during yaja time lmaoo) and get shy and awkward behind a camera (unless L has popcorn apparently) But they’re both so very loved by all of their friends and are unreasonably sweet and funny.

[franeridart]

I'm so glad Kirishima is getting so much spotlight, he really deserves it!!!! And it looks like hes gonna get more, since hes in the main group along with Deku, Uraraka and Tsuyu. I;m so hyped!!!

Honestly!!!!!!!!!!! That’s one interesting group tbh, Kirishima and Tsuyu’s interactions are always incredibly adorable to watch and seeing Kirishima interact for so long with pure and good people is gonna be hard on my heart (I mean, you know I’m 100% a bakusquad fan but they’re all at least in part assholes and Kiri fits with them just right, he can be just like Sero and Kaminari and I love it, but then his interactions with Amajiki have been so pure can you imagine an arc filled with that I’m already crying)

I just hope my other faves won’t completely disappear through this arc haha sigh

Anon said: So which Kacchan quote do you like best "Die your bacteria fucks, dieee!" or "BRING YOUR DAMN TRASH TO ME"?

LMAO SORRY ANON BUT MY FAVE GOTTA BE

WHAT A GODDAMN DISASTER THIS BOY IS

Anon said:there's a terushima week. thought i might tell you bc i miss you drawing him ;3; might wanna join? :3

Anon said:Terushima week is this next week! (@terushimaweek) Might we maaaybe see some cute lil bokuroterus sometime soon? ;)

As I’ve already said, sadly I’ve found out about this too late to be part of it - I’m not completely ruling out the possibility of doodling something one of the days, but I didn’t have the time to plan anything and I’m still in the middle of working things through with the bakushima week and bakugou’s birthday so I don’t know - they 19th is Teru’s birthday so maybe I’ll draw something for it, but it’s also a super busy day for me so it really depends on how soon I’ll be able to finish everything else I’m working on orz I’m sorry guys I seriously had no clue about this till, like, five days ago o

Anon said: What are your thoughts on KiriDeku b/c I'm not even that into it but as soon as I saw art I was like "OMFG I DIDN'T KNOW ANYTHING SO PURE CHOULD EVER EXIST!!!" My following thought was that'd you may have something interesting to say (as you always do, I luv it), so here I am 😁 Also, I love the blog, your amazing art, and you!! I truly appreciate all you do ❤️❤️

Awwww thank you!!! And I dunno, as things are now my opinion on a possible ship might change soon enough because it looks like their interactions amount is about to skyrocket, so anything I say right now is just a temporary answer? But generally I find their friendship incredibly adorable, though as of now I don’t think I can see anything romantic between the two... mostly because even though I’ve seen them being friendly and supportive of each other I don’t think I’ve ever seen them actually connect over anything that wasn’t Bakugou?? Being friendly and supportive is just how they both are with everyone, before I can say I ship them I’m gonna need something more singular to their relationship

I might be totally biased here considering where my main shipping lies, though haha

Anon said:HOSHIHINA!!!! YESSSSS!!!! PLEASE!!!!!! I think this is like.... my new OTP or well... a new OTP that I will gratefully put on the shelf next to all my other children in love!! oh yeah and THANK YOU for introducing me to both BNHA and d grey man! I'M IN LOVE!!! oH and YOUR ART IS AMAZING!!! KEEP IT UP!! I WILL GRATEFULLY SWALLOW UP ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING YOU POST IT'S AMAZING!!! YOUR OC'S TOO!!! Have a nice day!!

So much!!! HYPE in this ask!!!!! I LOVE IT!!!!! Oh my gosh!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you so much for EVERYTHING anon I hope you’ll have the best day!!!!!! *O* And I’m SUPER GLAD you gave dgm and bnha a try!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anon said:Aww the kiss. I know you posted it the other day, but it wouldn't load on my tablet. They're so cute, those two. 💜✌

*lays down forever* they are aren’t they those pure idiots !!!!

Anon said:I'm laughing so hard. Literally everyone that read the new chapter was like expectation vs reality. I love my idiots. Also yas to HoshiHina

HoshiHina is an A+ ship with A+ potential and I think I’m being slowly but surely swallowed by it - then again, what Hinata ship don’t I ship even ??? the mysteries

Anon said:To answer you question on what cheese sticks are, they're this disgusting processed cheese stick, also known as string cheese, and it's p much what it is, cheese in the form of a small stick that you can pull apart into strings and eat like that! (as you may have noticed, I'm not a fan hah) ((I don't know if you know the artist mookie, but she made a comic about bokuto eating a cheesestick whole before)

Anon said: cheese sticks = string cheese? D: they are delicious i promise

I’m seeing conflicting reports here (lol) but yes this might be a problem for me only because as I said I’m Italian but what I’m failing to see here is what kind of cheese are these things supposed to be ???

Anon said:Are you into Kuroken?

Only as very good friends, I don’t ship it romantically at all

Anon said:I love your bakushimas, SO SO SO MUCH. God, and with the latest chapter, I just can't wait for more interactions with them. God, seeing as I think Kirishima was filmed by the people that were there, I want to see Bakugou's reaction to his new move.

This took me long enough to answer that we now know Baku’s reaction was total and utter envy at how popular Kiri is LMAO - but yeah I still think Baku already knew about Kiri’s new move! After all he most probably came up with it as they trained for the license exam and I can’t believe he wouldn’t test it against Bakugou to make sure he actually turns unbreakable? Also proud-of-himself Kiri yelling at the squad to check out his new move is too much of a good image I can’t let that one go hahaha

Anon said:I started following you for Haikyuu but started boku no hero academia in order to understand what your other drawings were so I thank you (and blame you) for getting me hooked on another anime and manga :)

I’m!!!!!! HAPPY you ended up liking it???!!!! *O*

Anon said:I just wanted to tell you that you're my most fave artist here in tumblr istg i go to your page everyday just to go back at the fanart you drew if you didn't have any new, but when u have, my heart just swells and i fuss over it. God bless you because you opened my eyes for bakushimanari when i was just kiribaku back then.. God i love denki sfm right now bc of you, im sad bkk week is over though ahh and laven. Jfc i love your laven pls draw them more if u can 😘 i hope you'll have a great day!!

Don’t!!!! worry anon Laven has been my #1 otp since I was sixteen at this point it’s just not gonna leave me ever, I’ll definitely draw more of it in the future! And thank you??? so much?????? Oh man!!!!!

Anon said:Everyone in class 1-A: *trains as if they're gonna be in a battle royal and need to (literally) slaughter the competition* Competition: OBSTACLE RACE YAY

Well, the anime did change the training scenes a lot lol but LMAO anon they’re highschoolers what were you expecting hahahahaha it’s already savage enough as it is, I assure you lol

Anon said:Hi hello yes are you up for some angsty stuff because my brain turns even the sweetest moment to that, like what if kaminari saw bakushima's first kiss and he becomes so sad b/c he crushes on them both but he pretends not to and starts teasing 'em like a true bro while hiding his feelings and idk it's only if you want but yeah, how's your day been?

..........I would lie if I said I didn’t think about this while drawing that kiss R I P my multishipper heart is gonna kill me BUT IT’S OKAY I’m not one for unhappy endings so consider this - Denki sees them kiss, since he’s best bro and both Kirishima and Bakugou tend to wear their hearts on their sleeves he already knew this was gonna happen so he’s like, sad but resigned it hurts and he wishes he didn’t have to see it but he loves them both so much that he can’t help but being happy for how happy they are at the same time too (sure, being part of that happiness would be a dream coming true, but he’s used to never coming first he can deal with this hahahahaha r i p)

Meanwhile a bit after the kiss once Kiri is a hundred per cent sure Bakugou isn’t going to explode his head off if he mentions his very huge crush on Kaminari he does and Bakugou’s like, shit, it’s not like he’d mind it because Kaminari is, well, he’s Kaminari and Bakugou isn’t sure why but he’s comfortable to be around and easy to talk to and he’s stupidly pretty and like, yeah, okay, he might be into him too, maybe, he isn’t admitting anything here (not like he needs to, as stated already he’s pretty easy to read), but Kaminari’s also the no homo type of het so it’s not like they can do much about this threeway crush or whatever, and Kirishima’s like sure, I know, I just wanted to be open about this to avoid trouble, which is very sensible and will cut us on a lot of miscommunication angst this is getting out of hand let’s skip ahead I always forget how much fun I have writing this kind of bullshit

For however much Kaminari swore he could deal with it and how much he’s actually managing to deal with it he’s also the same brand of open book Baku and Kiri are and while it was easy to act like friends with no romantic feelings when everyone was doing the same, trying to hide from Bakugou and Kirishima while they’re openly in a relationship turns out to be more or less impossible, mostly because he can’t seem to avoid the longing stares and sad smiles and the I have to go I just remembered I have a thing to do bye’s when it becomes too much, and Kirishima might not be the brightest but he’s perfectly in tune with everyone’s feelings and Bakugou might stomp on people’s feelings more often than not but he is the brightest which means they notice and they’re like god fucking damn it - Bakugou in nature isn’t one to talk about problems until they burst out in fits of anger, but thank god he’s got Kirishima right there and they might not be 100% sure they got the reason for Kaminari’s weirdness right but they’re exasperated and they at least want their friend to stop being weird and avoiding them, they miss him (and Kaminari seriously misses them too he feels so stupid for how big of a deal he’s turning this into) SO they corner him and talk it out cause I’m a slut for open and honest communication and Kaminari straight out starts crying from happiness and relief before they’re even done talking and Kirishima starts crying right after him because sympathetic crier supreme and Bakugou’s like you know what I changed my mind fuck both of you emotional disasters I’m out

(spoiler he isn’t really)

[thisrecipefordisaster-blog]

Some background part 2

TRIGGER WARNING  language, drinking, self harm, eating disorder 

(Again, this was all written in a notebook on March 3rd 1:55 a.m and was major word vomit)

I don’t know how to love myself. I’m so full of anxiety. I never was as a child until I got bullied.  I was never depressed until I got bullied. I was never an angry person until my parents got divorced. Did that cause my bpd? Did living with my mother and who she is as a person cause it? Or was it simply genetics?  Just lying dormant the whole time?

My mother was always unpredictable with her anger. Dad was always loud. They both had (have) to be right.

Music was, and has always been, my escape from my reality.  First it was Black Veil Brides, then Escape The Fate, then Bring Me The Horizon.  I would write stories where they took me far, far away and life could be whatever I wanted. (Again, this goes back to my old tumblr where I had a lot of followers. I used to write these stories and share with them.) Some days, I still wish I could just get whisked away. Some days, I wish I could get sucked into a story I wrote and just.. Disappear.  Reality is too much sometimes.

I blame my parents for a lot. Now that dad is getting back with J, I feel like my world is falling apart all over again. My anger towards him has returned. Why put me through another traumatic situation? Why give her the time of day? Not just now that she has magically changed into a wonderful person, but ever? I would never do that to my child. (I also realize this is very selfish of me to feel this way. It is his house, I am an adult living in his house and I don’t get to make choices for him. I am well aware. Doesn’t make the anger go away though.)

A really big part of me clings to the past. Happy memories, bad coping skills. Like for example: Nights when my heart was broken and aching horribly, the kind of aching that only the bitter taste of wine coolers I didn’t really like could help. Drinking a six pack at 15-16 getting wasted and singing my poor mistreated, abused, drunk heart out.

In an odd way; those types of memories are happy and make me smile and feel peace. As well as a weird longing to re-experience it in that exact moment in time. 

I would love to be a child again and stay that way forever. More than the normal adult means when they get stressed out. I’ve checked out the whole ddlg thing, and actually looked into and I mean, some things fit and others don’t but is that really me? I don’t even know me anymore. One day I miss dressing all ‘emo’ and the next I want to dress all girly.

‘The past is the past and I am letting it kill me’

As I write this, the song I am listening to, the memories in my head.. I want to go for a long car ride at night. Drunk, my window rolled all the way down, my hair blowing in my face and behind me, leaning out the window singing along, feeling all these old moments. Happy, sad, just.. All of them. My head wants to explode as I think about listening to this while writing stories in the yellow house in Wisconsin. I can picture it perfectly. Sitting in the big black office chair at my mothers desk top computer in her ‘office’ drinking an energy drink at 3am writing about Craig Mabbitt taking me far away from there.

Some days, I feel like I am on top of the world, and the future is bright and promising. Others, I feel as though all I can focus on is how fucked up my fingernails are and if something as small as that bothers me as much as it does then how the hell am I going to get through the rest of my life? (Doesn’t make sense to you? Me neither.) How long will Babe stick around if I keep acting like this?  I just want to be happy.

‘I don’t know myself anymore. They’re pulling me under, voices.’

I want to break something.

‘I’m holding onto a life I’ll never get back. It’s too hard to let go.’

Maybe even after stopping all the self harm, drinking excessively, etc..  Maybe I’m still addicted to the chaos of the fighting I did with my parents. Maybe I’m addicted to the sadness of it all.

‘I don’t know where home is anymore’

Sometimes, it feels like these songs are just meant for me. Like they know that I need to know I am not alone, it gets better, whatever the message is. Even if it makes me more sad listening to it sometimes.

I know there are people that care about me, but I feel like I have no friends. K was there through every bit of my traumas. No one knows me like her and I don’t like rehashing shit, so I don’t normally make an effort meeting new people and talking about stuff in our pasts. Which for me, you have to know. Otherwise I may just come off as a needy, insecure bitch. But there’s a reason I’m like that.

I have a lot of intrusive thoughts sometimes. Like now. ‘I should really message O and apologize for how immature I acted and how weird I was.’ Not because  I still have feelings or anything like that. I genuinely feel like I have to apologize for who I was back then. I feel crazy. At the same time though, I was like 14-15 and he was 20. Why did he let me ‘convince’ him to date me again? 

‘It comes in waves, I close my eyes, hold my breath and let it bury me.’

Sometimes, it feels like I’m on a bad trip. The up and the downs. It’s crazy. I realize it is, but I don’t really change it. I need to get back to a therapist. So much has happened since I saw her last. Mental health care by me is shit. So are doctors. So I have lived three years without medications for my ADD, depression, anxiety, back pain, and getting some mood stabilizers or something for my anger. 

‘My love for you was bulletproof but you’re the one who shot me’

I really let the actions of others hurt me and piss me off. Like L.

He knew me for almost six years. Watched a lot of my relationships fall to shit, how they did me dirty. He actually was on video call with me the night that T answered my text when I broke up with him for being a dick and not making any effort for anything. T answered back and had said that basically every day while I was in college and he had free time, he was screwing other girls and he in fact had a girl on the way that had just got there. L watched my face fall and turn pale and saw the tears pour down my face as I ended our video call so I could cry. I thought he was so different. He was so sweet and understanding, but he never put a label on what we were. Not even after I waited for his dumbass to get out of jail to go drive four hours to visit him for a day. Not until I bugged him and he finally asked me out. Over time, he didn’t like me asking about different girls he talked to or followed on instagram. He also didn’t like if I had a drink or two. He quit telling me his problems, and became distant. If I asked it was always, ‘nothing I’m fine’. 

Then he ghosted me. At first I just thought, ok he’s busy they’re moving whatever. I’ll talk to him later. Than one day, turned into three days of unanswered messages. I talked to his sister in law and she said he was doing nothing. So I got very mad and asked what the deal was. 

He said ‘It’s not you it’s me.’

That stupid, bogus line people throw out when they don’t want to be honest about why they’re dumping you. He said nothing was making him happy and he didn’t know why. It was the most fake shit you ever heard. I broke. I literally fucking broke. Time stood still, nothing around me existed. I was in the middle of doing my hair and makeup to go to the store with my roomie KJ. But all of that was so far from me. I stood there staring at the words on my phone until a teardrop fell on his name. It was as if he walked up to me, pushed his hand through my chest and pulled my heart out; crushing it in front of me. It was a pile of dust on the floor. I was empty. It felt like there was a gaping hole in my chest that everyone around me was going to see.

I drank the pain of that away. I text him over and over trying to figure out what I did wrong. Was I not enough? Was there someone else? He simply said no. It had nothing to do with me. Come to find out probably about a year later he kissed his friend and totally blamed it all on her. I’m not stupid, she knew. So yeah I was mad at her. But mainly him. He could’ve made her leave. He could’ve told me that day what happened. But he didn’t. He lied. And when that kiss happened in our relationship, I couldn’t say. I think that still bothers me. How can you cheat and fake to someone like that didn’t just happen? I would get almost black out drunk each night. Go to work, come home, drink. Get up, start my makeup, then boom I was upstairs at work waiting to clock in. It was scary how everything in between me walking into the bathroom was nonexistent. I barely would remember getting in my truck. Did I even have my cigarette on the two minute drive there? Later, after a friend I will caller Brother J sent him a message ripping him a new one for what he did, L went on instagram and blasted me as an alcohol and who the fuck would want that mess? Not him. Thank you so much for your kind words L. Thanks for caring so fucking much. The guy that I thought would never hurt me?  Shattered my entire existence.

All I could think was the differences between me and this other girl.  I wasn’t skinny like her. I wasn’t pretty like her. I never was. Was she the only one? Was there more? Did she really even start it?

Yet again, no one gave a fuck about me. Also, for anyone wondering, alcohol withdrawal was a BITCH. The shakes, the rage, the fact that all I could think about was having another drink and knowing I dumped it all down the drain so I couldn’t? It all sucked major ass.

Just writing about him hurts. Not in the sense that I want him back, or miss that relationship. But the fact that yet again, one more person in my life who was never supposed to hurt me, had totally destroyed me.

I just come to accept it now.  Everyone always leaves.

How Babe has stuck with me for this long? I have no clue. I would’ve ran if I were him. I honestly don’t think that all the reassurance in the world would ever make me feel better.

I have come to realize that I’m still very angry with a lot of people. I’m still angry at N. I’m still angry at Z. I’m still angry at S. I’m still angry at T. I’m still angry at L.

All of them have done things that can never be fixed or taken back. I’m mostly still angry at N, T, and L. Maybe even S too. I feel like all of them used me for one thing. They never cared. I don’t believe they ever did.

‘Tell me why is it that everyone is so perfect. While I feel so worthless, and they look so happy’

I’m used to being made to feel bad about myself. To the point where  I don’t know if I can actually love who I am.I let myself go, which is crazy considering how bad my anorexia was when I was in 8-12 grade. It’s still there, but I can’t exercise like I used to because of hurting my back in my car accident. Then I get upset and lose motivation. Then on top of that, my depression weighs me down and I have no motivation to do anything. It’s a miracle that I get up and brush my teeth every morning. (That’s mainly because I can’t stand morning breath and the feeling of my teeth being dirty) 

I just want to feel good about myself again. Like when i was small. It’s embarrassing to be the fat girl and talk about being anorexic. No one takes it serious. You hear it in their voice. 

I don’t feel like I am worth it. I’ve been told I’m not so many times. 

Throughout writing these pages I felt very disconnected from what’s going on around me. My vision was blurry and I felt like a zombie. Nothing around me felt real or existed.  Each song brought up a new memory and old feelings, which is why things are so randomly placed in this.

[scenarios-on-ice]

Y'ALL KNOW ME

(We are outgunned)

WHAT!!!

(outmanned)

YOU HEAR IT?!

(Outnumbered, outplanned-)

DISTILLED SPIRITS!!!

(The greatest man woman in all of the land of tumblr)

PLEASE RISE FOR YOU QUEEN

LUNA

(…what? Ok, don’t worry about the cinnamon roll who did absolutely nothing wrong, somebody on the wiki clearly made a mistake. TG traumatized me with many things these past few weeks but Kaneki disappearing/recieving a ‘fatal’ injury isn’t one of them. He has plot armor, remember? Worry about Urie instead. 

Like in the latest chapter we literally saw him talking with Amon and he was totally fine

I almost screamed when I saw that page

I’ve been waiting so long for them to meet again)

I’ll try to find My Shot again and I’ll let you know when I do! I don’t have much time on my hands at the moment…

Oooh, Armin-Eliza and Mikasa-Angelica do work really well! I can’t believe I didn’t think of that ^^;; Armin and Eliza both have that ‘looks like a cinnamon roll and is a cinnamon roll but could still kill you’ thing going on lol

(I’m personally a fan of Eremika; I couldn’t see Eren ending up with anyone else in canon, though I do like to ship him with Annie…I’d also like the idea of him with Historia if Yumikuri wasn’t one of my OTPs.)

You’re right, Erwin does behave more like Hamilton in general (a more mature version of musical Hamilton or just historical Hamilton), Eren’s not an idiot but he’s still nowhere near Ham in terms of intelligence. I do think Eren fits with Hamilton better in some ways than Erwin though- like his temper, hardworking nature, determination and that bad habit of never knowing when to shut up.

I can just see Eren’s horrified face if someone ever told him to talk less and smile more.

I wanted Levi to be the Burr to Eren’s Hamilton but thinking it over, I realize that while it doe fit I can’t see Levi shouting ‘we’re reliable with the L A D I E S’ in the middle of a crowded ballroom (Levi is also more of a ‘shut up when you need to but when you do have something to say, be honest’ kind of person than a ‘talk less, smile more’ type). So now I want Jean as Burr for Eren. Like, it’s not the best casting ever, but I see some distinctly Burr-like traits in Jean and his rivalry with Eren is very similar to the Burr-Hamilton relationship (only more friendly and less murderous).

(Imagine Jean singing Wait for It and during the line ‘And if there’s a reason I’m still alive when everyone who loves me has died’ Marco’s face flashes across the screen

Or wait, maybe just Marco as the older Theodosia and then Dear Theodosia (reprise)…)

(Like I said above, I agree with you that Levi is a more Burr-like character but younger!Levi is a Hamilton in some ways. Hurricane could be his theme song, only instead of 'write my way out’ it’s more of…you know…fight my way out)

But now I have a harder time deciding who I want as Angelica…I personally prefer Annie or Ymir because Angelica is a witty, sharp character who probably would have gone into politics if people weren’t so sexist back then, and I can see Annie or Ymir bantering with Eren while Mikasa is a more stoic character who lets her actions speak for her. But then, if Jean is Burr I live for the idea of Mikasa brutally shutting down his attempt to hit on her during The Schuyler Sisters (sorry Jean)

(Ok one last time but I really do think Historia’s and Eliza’s character arcs are really similar in some ways)

Oh seriously? That’s so cool! I’m not sure about my acting skills because I’ve never really had to use them…as for singing, I’ve never had any training but I’ve been told I have a good voice. Not anything amazing but apparently it’s nice to listen to? I’m not sure but a lot of people have told me that so. Maybe it’s not too bad XD my rapping skills are pretty average, I think.

Plot twist:

I’d play Peggy.

*gives hugs*

*gives rainbows*

*gives unicorn*

(Idk why I wrote that don’t ask

Seriously though congratulations for getting through that night)

Conspiracy theory:

Your phone and shuffle are plotting to expose you and make you actually admit and accept your feelings

They’re evil

They deserve to burrn like Hamilton’s love letters to Eliza

OK, found the My Shot AMV! It’s by Katherined on youtube ^^

And btw, there’s also an AoT AMV for Aaron Burr, Sir now! The casting isn’t too great in my eyes (they reversed our casting for Levi-Burr and Erwin-Ham, and while I do think Levi is similar to Ham in some ways LMM’s enthusiastic voice paired with his ‘I’m dead inside’ face is weird XD also, Armin is Lafayette in this video? Mikasa is John? The only thing I agree with is Eren as Mulligan…and Armin’s horrified face at 'WHO ARE YOU’).  But the editing is good and it is pretty funny (I take back the comment about Eren as Mulligan being the only casting choice I agree with; there’s also Mike as the Bursar Levi punched)

Mikasa’s scenes at Trost combined with 'these redcoats don’t want it with me’ is kinda accurate though

THOUGH, IN REVIEWING THE INCIDENTS OF MY BEING AN ADMIN OF A BLOG

I AM UNCONSCIOUS OF INTENTIONAL ERROR

I AM NEVERTHELESS TOO SENSIBLE OF MY RANDOM HIATUSES

NOT TO THINK IT PROBABLE THAT I MAY HAVE DISAPPEARED COUNTLESS TIMES

I SHALL ALSO CARRY WITH ME THE HOPE THAT MY FOLLOWERS

WILL NEVER CEASE TO VIEW IT WITH INDULGENCE…

OH, I see! I’m glad about that ;-; I keep forgetting that Kaneki won’t die no matter what. I mean, we also thought that Armin died and look what happened.

Soooo, what happened to the cookie?? He’s one of my favs in tgre, he can’t die! Or will he just turn into a full one-eyed ghoul?? 
;-;

Yeah, I got the link! It wasn’t that nice, to be honest… I mean, I’ve seen a lot better amvs :/

Yeah, Eliza would absolutely murder you if you badmouthed her. But I think Peggy is even worse ;-; I mean, didn’t she scare off people treating her with an axe at one point? That’s just crazy…

True, Eremika seems to be what we’ll get from the manga and I don’t mind at all, tbh. I’m more of an Armin and Annie shipper. Idk why, don’t ask why. YUMIKURI IS THE CUTEST THING EVER. After this is over, marry me!

Erwin has Hamilton’s ambition, but he’s not as hot-tempered or impulsive, thankfully. When I imagine a compulsive Erwin, I get shivers ;-; It’d probably be a nightmare to have him for an enemy. But Com. Eyebrow’s calm is also scary in itself. I mean, the fact that he’s able to lead so many soldiers (including himself) to their death, voluntarily, is terrifying.

Eren has Ham’s temper and determination, but I think he’d rather fight Bert again than having to ‘write his way out’. That’d probably be a nightmare for him… He’d get so insulted if anyone ever told him that XD

Levi fits Burr in many aspects, but I think that the ones he doesn’t share with him are bigger in number.
I think I’d cry from laughing if I ever saw Levi shouting ‘we’re reliable with the L A D I E S’ Even though their relationship isn’t the best fitting, I agree on Jean-Eren for Burr-Ham. I think Jean has enough salt in his head to know when to shut up and he’s pretty willing to do stupid shit to achieve his goals. Only I don’t think he’d murder Eren ;-; I mean, no matter how much they fight, it’s all in good spirit. I think.

*pterodactyl screech* why do you adore toying with people’s feelings so much?? It’s like that ‘You are my sunshine, my only sunshine’ comic I saw for JeanMarco (and HideKaneki for that matter). I did nOT cry.

Levi does fit Hurricane quite a lot. Well, with the environment of the anime, I think a lot of the characters can connect to hurricane, which is actually quite depressing… Only the ‘I’ll write my way out’ would change for every individual person.

All three of them would make amazing Angelicas! Why not three Angelicas? That seems like the easiest answer hahah I think Annie is a bit too emotionless and deadpan for her… So, technically, Ymir would be best one? 
But as you said, Mikasa being like ‘Jean, you disgust me’ would give me life. Also, imagine the trauma when she’d find out Eren (Ham) has been killed…

Historia is Eliza, confirmed. BUT WOULDN’T THAT MAKE YMIR ALEX??? WE HAVE NEW HAM!AOT!!!

Oh, that’s pretty cute ^^ I was in puppetry, so I don’t know how well I’d do in actual acting, tho ;-; I’d love to hear you sing one day :) Yeah, I can’t quite rap either. I’d say I have a more of an ability to speak really quickly than actual rap skills.

You’d be the best peggy ever

My shuffle is usually quite evil… Like, it gives me Say No To This right after Helpless. Or Congratulations after Satisfied and so on. And sometimes, it goes on a sad song streak. It’s mean ;-;

I shall never admit my feelings! Well, I’ve admitted them to myself, but I don’t plan on confessing anytime soon, since I’m a potato who’d rather stay forever alone than potentially embarrass myself :)

Aaron Burr, Sir is an amazing amv. I really liked the editing, even though Burr Erwin and Levi Ham are a bit different than expected. Imagine this: Levi saying the line ‘I was chosen for the constitutional convention!’

Mikasa will kick anyone’s ass, it’s been confirmed. Mikasa is kickass.

[oh-beyond]

Idol’s Life - Part 2

Chen was so stressed and busy, schedules on a daily basis, no joy, no rest, no nothing, SM getting into his private life way too much, overwhelmed, doesn’t have a moment to even breath, he was done… but meeting this foreigner unexpectedly will make his days more manageable.

Fluff but it’s Chen so he always tries to add a bit of spice to everything because… it’s this cheeky person he is.

Chen (Canon) x Reader

Masterlist

< Part 1 - Part 3 >

He kept sniffing, he was so vulnerable, it felt like you needed to protect him from the world, this can’t be real, Kim Jongdae was between your arms feeling how he trembled, it was genuine act of neediness for some affection, you had read here and there some of the rumours about a girlfriend he had, you were almost certain that this is why of his sudden clinginess with a total stranger that he almost run over while driving.

“Oppa…” you whispered “oppa…” come on, just tell me what’s wrong, I swear I will take anything you tell me to the grave” 

His nose was all runny and his eyes full of tears, he blinked it away and a small tear fell creating a line in his beautiful face, he looked away embarrassed, not believing what he just did and how he acted on impulse ending in this hug, he was mentally scolding himself but at the same time he wanted to go for round 2.

You were completely shellshocked, your hand travelled to the nape of his neck again stroking his hair lightly, goosebumps forming on his skin as he shivered looking back at you.

“I’m sorry ___, I don’t know what had gotten into me, I am just…”

You surprised him this time when you pulled at his neck bringing him into an embrace that you felt in need for just as much as he did when he asked you to hug him.

“Shhh, you don’t need to say anything to justify yourself” you spoke close to his ear.

Jongdae loosened up completely his weeping very noticeable, he pulled at the fur of your coat into fits and you patted on his back.

But it was getting too warm, his breath and the tension from having Jongdae this close… you kicked your tights completely off your knees bumping into his own, he understood you needed some air… but…

“Noo, noo, just a little bit more, Polar bear feels nice.”

Jongdae was back!

“Ha! So my polar bear is nice now? I thought you didn’t like him, I thought you wanted me hug you, but all this act was to get some of my beautiful fur” you pushed him away softly meeting his pout again ‘mental breakdown, can you not do that Chennie?’ you thought to yourself.

“One more hug please~~~”

“But you needed to see my knees right, look how fine they are.” 

“Oh yes yes, I’m sorry” he said slowly looking at your bare thighs.

“My knees are here tho, my thighs are perfectly fine.”

“Yah! I wasn’t looking where you think I was.”

“Yeah sure, so seen my knees? Here they are, happy? I’m perfectly fine, see?”

Jongdae went on his knees again lifting his head “can I?”

You nodded really not knowing what you agreed to, you pushed your coat off your shoulders, and he surprised you taking your left calf securing his hand on the back of your knee placing his thumb over your kneecap massaging it again checking if you were hurt anywhere.

“Ah ah ah” unintentionally your hands pushed at Jongdae’s shoulders lightly.

“Does it hurt?”

“No but your thumb is too harsh.”

“I don’t believe you, just tell me honestly.”

“I swear this is nothing to do with what happened, you just were digging too harshly.”

“Then I guess I should be more gentle.”

“Kim Jongdae-ssi, why are you doing this?”

“In return for those hugs, it made me feel really good, I needed it so bad” he replied doing the same to your other knee.

“I’m glad you feel better, I mean there’s nothing worth being upset about”

You kept staring at each other awkwardly, Chen played with his hands looking at your apartment in more detail, you didn’t know how to act either.

“Mmm so what where you doing right next to our offices?”

“I was going to check the dates for the fansign.”

“So you were coming to see us wow, who’s your fav-”

“SUHO! SUHO IS MY FAVOURITE!”

“Alright got it, you are excited… I kind of understand that, Junmyeon hyung is handsome the fucker, yeah”

‘Little he knew’

Jongdae run his hands over his face out of frustration “can’t believe I almost killed a Dutch EXO-L, that would be the cherry on the top, I can see the headlines ‘EXO’s Chen killed an innocent Dutch fan as he was crying over his breakup with the noona that lied to him and told him she loved him and she was a fucking gold digger’”

Silence…

“Okaaay… do you want anything to drink?”

“I probably should leave why do you need to cope with my shit?”

“You can stay… if you want… I don’t want to seem like a crazy fan, but you can relax here, for a while.”

“I really think I should go tho, but maybe I could get your number, you know as you are a visitor and you might need anything during your stay here.”

“Yeah as if you have time for someone like me” you said after snorting.

“I will try my best, maybe I could see you at the fansign, that is if you pay attention to me in Junmyeon hyung’s presence.”

“I say the same, I hope you remember me.”

“How could I not? I don’t recall seeing anyone with your eye colour” he said lowering himself at your eye level “I think Minseok hyung had similar eye lenses once.”

“Yeah I’m special.”

“OK special, thanks for having me over, for not revealing my identity, for listening to me, and for those amazing hugs” he added standing up walking towards the door.

You followed him remembering that your shirt wasn’t that long and your tights were forgotten in the floor, it would look weird to put them back on, so you just pulled at your shirt to cover what you could cover.

Jongdae stopped before turning the door handle, he did notice your bare thighs and he had no shame in looking from your toes acknowledging all the way up meeting your eyes and the smirk you had in your face.

“Are you done?”

“Sorry I didn’t mea- I swear, it’s just you have beauty spots in your legs like me.”

“It’s only fair if I see them too, don’t you think oppa?”

He didn’t reply he just simply let his jaw drop.

“I messing with you! OMG Koreans are so naive.”

“You didn’t just say that.”

“I’m sorry.”

You heard Jongdae exhale “no sorry doesn’t work with me, you need to make it up to me, you totally stereotyped Koreans and the whole thing… and so… I’m kind of hurt.” 

“And so… how do you think you can forgive me oppa?”

“Well, let me think of this one, I don’t want to waste it.”

“Would you like another hug?”

“Sounds nice.”

You were just about to go on your tiptoes but he stopped you, WTF?

“Polar bear… he felt quite nice in fairness.”

“Ha?” you couldn’t believe this lil shit, this was Kim Jongdae, the one you knew it existed, oh dear god, you wanted the ground to swallow you whole.

You turned around to get it but you felt your wrist being grabbed spinning you around.

“I was kidding ___, did you actually believe I want it, right?”

“I did, he’s better than a boyfriend if you asked me I wouldn’t blame you, he hugs very good.”

Just then you felt Jongdae bringing painfully slow close to him, you wanted to see what he was up to, you completely got lost in his eyes his hair falling further on his forehead as he looked at you.

“Thank you ___, I’ll see you next week at the fansign.”

You felt a stab in your chest when he turned the handle of the door and waived at you one last time, as he disappeared in the elevator you let your breath out that apparently you had held for so long closing the door behind you leaning on it.

You replayed all the incident in your head as you cleaned away your apartment, thoroughly after that you fell on the couch and played on your phone checking your tumblr blog looking at the thousand Chen pictures you had and were re-blogging, it felt so strange, well at least you’d see him next week at the fansign.

You were just drifting to sleep on the couch when you heard your doorbell, you looked through the peep hole, you saw a man wearing a hoodie and a face mask, just like Jongdae’s.

“Open up it’s me.”

His voice…

You opened super excited “oppa? What-?” you said letting him in.

“Are you free?” he asked closing the door behind him with his butt as he carried big bags.

“I am.”

“You like gaming?”

“I do!”

“아 진짜? 대박~~~ - ah jinjja? Daebak~~~ - oh really? Cool!” was he glad or what? 

“Is that bad or good?”

“So you, a little girl that likes gaming, you are sent from the heavens, not only the perfect cuddle provider, you also like video games, Chanyeol and Baekhyun would so envy me right now.”

“Full of surprises oppa.”

Jongdae got out a playstation and a Fifa 2017 game “your country vs mine?”

“I’m not that keen on Fifa tho.”

“Yeah of course not, why would you? You are girl, I’m really stupid sometimes.”

“No no, I’ll try it out, but you will have to tech me.”

“Yeah sure, but what do you like?”

“Wii? I love Wii sports.”

“Wait a minute.”

Jongdae got his phone out and dialled a number asking you to hold the phone for him as he unboxed the console. 

“엽세요! 네 민석 형! 외 콘솔은 살거예요? 부탁해요! - yeobseyo! ne Minseok hyung! Wii consoleneun salgeoyeyo? butakhaeyo! - hello! Yes Minseok hyung! Can you buy me a Wii console? Please!”

“형, 제발, 나중에 말할거예요 - hyung, jebal, najonge malhalkeoyeyo - hyung, please, I’ll tell you later.”

“네 네, 알게씁니다 - ne ne algesseubnida - yes yes understood.”

He followed and texted this person something leaving the phone behind, offering you a controller “ready?”

“Ready to teach me?”

Jongdae came closer shoulder on shoulder placing his hands over the controller as you held it, it was uncomfortable, not really optimal, you sat on the floor between his legs which he welcomed and off you went, you weren’t really playing he was playing alone, but say it was enjoyable was an understatement, you looked up and saw how his sorrows suddenly diminished, his knees hitting your shoulders it seemed he was in a different world full of happiness nothing mattered.

His phone rang making him realise that he was all over you, he awkwardly got up answering the phone.

“잠깐만요 - jamkkanmanyo - wait a moment” he said opening the door.

You followed him peeking to see who it was you saw the one and only Kim Minseok, you recognised him immediately his eyes were no joke, even wearing the face mask he was so distinctive, they were talking and they looked serious, Jongdae didn’t look happy he kept nodding and saying ‘알게씁니다 -algesseubnida - understood’ it looked like a light scolding, or advices, you didn’t know if maybe Jongdae being here was getting him into trouble.

They noticed you peeking, Jongdae smiled your way and and Minseok waved at your direction, suddenly remembering you were only wearing your shirt, ‘shit what would Minseok think about you now?’ you just waved and bowed going back to the living room looking for your tights, Jongdae came back placing 2 big bags on the dinning table, he saw how nervous you were tights in hand questioning wether to wear them or if the harm was already done.

“What’s wrong?”

“It was Kim Minseok-ssi, look at me!” you said looking at your bare thighs.

“What’s wrong with that?”

“What is he going to think?”

“Why so scandalised? He didn’t even see anything, besides you look perfect.” 

You tried to swallow that giggle that was threatening to make an appearance, he placed the smaller bag on the dinning table taking out what it seemed like food.

“Chicken! Kai’s favourite food” you said innocently.

Jongdae stopped for a second lifting his gaze at you “yeah… accurate.”

“You made Minseok-ssi get us food?”

“And a Wii, I thought we can have our competition in something you can actually play.”

“Competition?”

“I am going to kick your ass, you will see what Koreans are made of.”

‘Oh dear but your mind went to something not Wii related… what Koreans are made of? And kicking your ass? uuuuuuuuh’

“Yah! Come on, the food will get cold.”

“I can’t believe you made Minseok-ssi bring you food, to this stranger’s house.”

“He knows I feel much better now, all thanks to you, you have no clue, this morning I was like… just eat.”

You brought 2 plates and a cans of coke and sat down as Jongdae placed some chicken pieces in your plate, you ate quietly absorbing the view of Jongdae and chicken, this private show was he giving you, he looked like a 5-year-old, the sauce all over his lips it looked funny and so natural but also your hand couldn’t just leave it, you took a tissue and pointed at where he needed to clean his mouth, Jongdae brought himself close and asked you to wipe it for him ‘stay focus, stay focus, this is chicken, nothing else’ but deep down inside, Jongdae knew… he did see it and feel it as your hand trembled…

After you finished you cleared the table and showed Jongdae to your bathroom to wash his hands, he opened the big bag grabbing a small backpack, he took it and went to the toilet, he took his time, 15-20 minutes and he still wasn’t out.

You washed your hands in the sink and connected the Wii yourself, you heard the bathroom locker and…

“Wha- why? What’s wrong? Is this like candid camera or something? Why are you wearing that?”

“Mama era! Aren’t you a fan?”

“You are wearing silver harem pants, a white leather jacket with little mirrors all over… and I really don’t want to know what’s underneath” you said with a disgusted face.

Just then Jongdae opened the jacket and you recognised it, that horrible sleeveless top with golden sequins hanging.

“OMG why? You look horrible.”

“Just so you know the jacket was Sehun’s, the pants were Luhan gege’s, and the top was owned by your beloved Junmyeon hyung.”

You couldn’t, this was too much, you sat in the couch laughing your ass off covering your face with the cushion, what was he trying to do? It looked like he wanted to brighten your mood or something, wasn’t he the one who was depressed?

You felt his hand on your back and you looked at him.

“Why tho?”

“I feel comfortable with these, payback, for making fun of Mama era.”

“Really? Alright, I guess you need it for the round we will have in the Wii, let me get comfortable also, you didn’t get any games so we only have the Wii sports, hmmm let’s start with tennis” you said heading to your room “and ah before I forget, there will be penalties if you lose, think of how to penalise me if I lose, altho I won’t.”

You went to your room and closed the door breathing heavily, what was happening? This was better than a dream, or was it a dream? Were you just going to wake up and none of this really happened?

You took off your shirt and went for a nice bright pink t-shirt, why not tease him in a different way? Yes that one that had a more accentuated cleavage, because why not? Then… shorts, yes, you wore these anyhow, it’s nothing to do with impressing Jongdae… or was it?

You sprinted to the bathroom brushed your teeth thoroughly… because you were a super clean person and after every meal you brushed your teeth anyhow, nothing to do with Jongdae, pfffff as if anything would happen.

You sprinted back to your room…

“Yah! Come on, I’m super warm here I want you to enjoy the amazing jacket I’m wearing before I take it off, it’s too warm”

“Now you know how I feel wearing my polar bear” you replied from behind your closed door.

You brushed your hair and did a side braid resting on your left side, displaying your own gems… beauty spots, questioning why were you doing this now?

Makeup because after eating chicken you needed it, simple, pink lipgloss, you fixed your eyeliner, and applied a bit more blusher… just to match the t-shirt, right? Final touch, perfume, because the chicken smelled… just because of that.

“I’m ready!” you announced, Jongdae straighten himself in the couch and poor soul, his Adams apple was way too big not to notice that he gulped and it bobbed up and down.

“That’s not fair~~~” oh here it comes the whining “ah waeeee?” 

“What’s not fair?”

“You look… nice.”

“You do too oppa this was your golden era” your head titled to the side bringing your arms across your chest “like literally, I need my sunglasses you are shinning.”

“Yah!”

“Alright are you ready?”

“Yes, but… every time you lose, I get something.”

“What do you want oppa?”

“A cuddle, a nice tight hug, if you lose, you hug me.”

Now questioning your morals… should you just lose every round and cuddle with him all evening?

“Sure if that is what you want, I have no problem, but it ain’t happening, just saying… and you? Hmmm, let me think, if you lose you take off the jacket, and you sing for me, whatever I request.”

“Deal!”

Round 1 - Tennis

“First point goes for me, YES! Victory!”

“That is beginners luck, besides the freaking jacket, it’s startling me.”

“Yeah yeah sure, my hug.”

“Can’t we just count and when we finish you get all the hugs in one go?”

“How does that work tho, like you hug me then you detach yourself, then again? It sounds stupid.”

“Hmmm, how about this? A hug is like 30 seconds, so if like I lose 3 times you get a 1:30 minute hug.”

“What? 30 seconds? No, 2 minutes each, and you will lose 10 times at least, so multiply that it comes to a 20 minute hug.”

You cleared your throat and looked at him, he had a smirk on his face, ‘shit’ was he for real?

“Let’s discuss this after we finish shall we?”

“No now!”

“Oppa…”

“I’m sorry it must sound off, but…”

“You know I’ll hug you even if you don’t lose, all of us need cuddles every once in a while”

Jongdae smiled again loosening up, he felt too comfortable, it was very strange he had absolutely 0 worries… while at SM they were losing their shit, Jongdae had at least 7 missed calls from Junmyeon, and his managers, he decided to forget that he was Chen, and enjoy this day as Jongdae.

Round 7 - Bowling

“You are too distracting, how am I supposed to concentrate when you are… look at you! You are so mean, all I wanted was cuddles.”

“You will still get 2 cuddles lasting 4 minutes, you are also distracting, thank god the jacket is gone, prepare yourself to sing for me after this”

“I don’t like losing, I’m not playing anymore.”

The whining, his voice… you were ready to tell him to cuddle for hours.

“Alright I don’t want to upset you, just admit I’m better and we can do something else.”

“I’m not saying!”

“Oppa~~~” you said sitting next to him, you poked the Chenguns… brrrrr you did shiver, focus on something else…

“OMG, where did you learn to say oppa that way? Korean dramas do influence in the wrong way”

‘Shit’ true… what’s with the sexy tone? You covered your mouth your eyes doubled in size.

“Alright! I have an idea, and in this you won’t win, EVER!”

You nodded.

“Staring contest, the rules are, we can do anything, but we can’t talk and the teeth cannot show.”

“Go for it Jongdae-ssi”

“Oppa!”

“Sure.”

You crossed your legs and placed your elbow on your knees and stared at him, Jongdae simply crossed his arms his hands resting at the back of his head, and then the Chenguns came to life, you saw all the beauty spots he had all over them, again you traced lines in your head connecting them, he decided to add some spice to this, he run his fingers through his hair, and smiled carefully not showing any teeth, the smile turning sideways it was a definite smirk, he followed your eyes that shamelessly were checking him out and started rubbing his arms flexing his muscles ‘what a tease’ but you didn’t break eye contact (yes you did)

You noticed how eyebrows knitted as he came closer to your face, you blinked slowly, ‘excited!’ an understatement, he kept coming closer and closer, his nose scrunching, he looked as if he was counting your eyelashes, you should had melted at this stage but you needed to see him closer, to count his beauty spots, to make sure they were real.. safe and sound.

“와~~~ 정말 아름답다~~~ - wa~~~ jeongmal areumdabda - wow, really beautiful”

“AND I WON AGAIN!”

“Ha? Oh yeah.”

You stood up and jumped up and down in front of him, bouncing… bouncing…”

He got up and pulled at your arm making you stop to look at him, his smile long gone, carrying a serious look, as if he discovered something…

“Can I get my reward now?”

“What? You lost, this was the deal.”

“Please…” he asked but didn’t wait for a reply.

He hurried his head on your left side, his nose touching your collarbones, you felt his lips unmoving, his arms at the small of your back bringing you close, his hair tickling your ear, your hand held at his shoulders, whenever he hugged you he felt small and vulnerable, all you wanted  was reassure him that everything would be alright, but you knew better, he would soon leave and go back to his stressful life, was it a good idea to let him enjoy himself this much? He would get the wrong idea that he could do this everyday, this was Kim Jongdae between your arms, but he would soon go back to Chen.

“오빠 괜찮아요 - oppa gwaenchanhayo - oppa it’s alright”

You heard him sigh, hugging you tighter, his face turning burying himself more if possible his lips definitely touching your skin.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“Can I stay?”

“Stay? Sure, you can stay and leave whenever you want, we are friends.”

“Can I leave tomorrow morning?”

You pushed him slowly your hands cupping his face tugging his hair behind his ears “listen oppa, I don’t think it’s a good idea, you might get in trouble”

“I know you might think I’m just a famous idol AKA fuckboy or something, but believe I just want to be away, I don’t want to go back, and I can’t check in any hotel with my name, would you book me a room under your name?”

“Oppa, this will harm your career, you have enough in your plate already”

He was too sensitive, his breakup too fresh, he had hatred and worry and he wasn’t ready to hear a refusal.

He pulled himself away from you taking his backpack to the bathroom with a huff, he pulled the awful top off his head wearing his hoodie again, you looked away when he pulled his pants off, he came back after a minute wearing his face mask and his hat.

“Thanks anyway, and I am sorry again.”

“Wait the consoles!”

“Keep them, I won’t need them again, I have schedules for the rest of my life, I hope they let me eat and go to the toilet”

“Oppa wait” you said touching his shoulder his eyes following your hands.

“Bye”

A week had passed, he didn’t call you or text you, and he didn’t really offer his number when he was over.

Today was the fansign, yes you were going to go and you were going to look at him into the eye and scold him without words, he will have to read it in your eyes, you were mad at him, you understood that he was upset and perhaps you needed to be more understanding but that didn’t give him the right to steal your cuddles and never look back.

You arrived at the SM Coex Atrium, hundreds of Korean fans aligned waiting to enter, you had your CBX and Lotto album ready to have it signed, of course the CBX was Chen’s version, you decided to put that away and go for Suho’s page on the Lotto album, yes you were here for Suho, the almighty Suho, you would finally see those lips close enough to please your fantasies, you were for Suho dressed in a perfect black mid-lenght dress that hugged your body perfectly hells in addition to your polar bear coat.

Finally you entered and you could already see Chanyeol and Sehun’s heads sitting down, oh dear the amount of stupid things fans asked them to do, Baekhyun the only one that seemed to comfortable pleasing the suffocating fans, and next was Chen who winked at every single fan who called him oppa, it made your stomach churn in a bad way.

“외국인! 외국인! - Wegugin! Wegugin! - Foreigner! Foreigner!” said Chanyeol poking at Baekhyun’s arm.

‘Oh no please out of these 9 don’t let Chanyeol notice you the most, it would be a horrible turn of event’

“안녕하세요 - Annyeonghaseyo - hello” you greeted with a bright smile

Jongdae saw you and didn’t make any impression, he looked away continuing his interactions with the fans.

“You like EXO! Bery gud” said Chanyeol.

“Who is best?” followed Baekhyun asking.

“My favourite is Suho-ssi”

“수호 형! 봐요! - Suho hyung! Bwa! - Suho hyung! Look!” shouted Baekhyun shamelessly.

All set of 9 pair of eyes looking at your direction, including Jongdae’s, Baekhyun got up and pulled Suho from his seat and almost forced him to shake hands with you, Chanyeol then followed by bringing you behind their table for a picture.

It was horrible, fans went crazy, you were no expert but insults were the first thing you learned in Korean and they were ringing in your ears, Suho also looked like a deer caught in headlights, he was so uncomfortable, Baekhyun kept giving him directions to smile as they asked for your phone to take the picture, you took it off your purse you felt Jongdae’s fingers brush on top of yours taking the phone from your hand, taking the damn picture, finally handing it to you, the look in his eyes, and today his hair was brushed to the side displaying his glorious eyebrows that didn’t lie, it felt horrible, why did you tease him like this? Did he need this right now? But actually… why was he upset? Maybe it wasn’t Suho’s incident, maybe he didn’t want to see you to begin with.

You tears threatened to make an appearance, you bowed and thanked the guys and just left the building without having your album signed, rushing outside leaning on one of the EXO stands and the main entrance, you took your breath before sprinting  again, you were so upset that you kept running and running, playing the events in your head…

A shower is what you needed after this shitty day, you went inside and tried to think about something else, why was this affecting you so much? What did you try pulling out? What was this that you did?

Your doorbell was ringing, you heard knocking, well you were not going to open it now, you were enjoying this needed long shower.

“Yah! Open the door, come on I’m sorry.”

“Please just open.”

“Please~~~”

Jongdae looked at the keypad playing along opening and closing the cover, thinking if he should ‘929x′ played in his head, his fingertips touching the numbers.

“Please open the door, you are there I can hear you”

He didn’t really, but he heard your phone ringing inside.

‘929x, 929x, 929x′ questioning… should he? Should he?

He did, he pressed 9-2-9-x, the door beeped and he invited himself in.

He peeked inside the living room, you weren’t there, he then heard the water running in the bathroom, making him feel a bit better, you didn’t open not because you didn’t want, but because your couldn’t. 

He sat in the couch comfortably waiting for you to get out, he rubbed his neck, he looked around, and then he noticed your phone in the tea table, he took it wondering if you put that picture you took with Suho today as your wallpaper, sigh of relief when he saw it wasn’t but a simple EXO logo, he heard tumblr notifications, one after the other, maybe your passcode was like your door’s, what would be the odds?

9-2-9-x and it unlocked, and it directly went to the tumblr app that was opened

He chocked in his spit as he scrolled down looking at his million pictures, his confidence grew, yes there were loads of Suhos but in comparison… nothing.

 “귀엽다… 귀엽다… 너무 귀엽다 - gwiyeobda… gwiyeobda… neomu gwiyeobda - cute… cute… so cute” he kept repeating, his face hurting from the big wide smile.

“Jongdae-ssi?” you asked holding onto your towel at your chest for dear life “what are you doing here? What are you doing with my phone?” you said too upset to care that you only had a towel wrapped around you.

Jongdae stood up his jaw dropping to the floor, you came closer to him to take your phone back, you snatched it from his hands and saw he had the tumblr app opened, you were so embarrassed, what to do now?

You buried your face in your hands and you felt his arms embracing you, his warm breath in your ear “I’m sorry, I swear I didn’t mean to, it was just ringing I thought…”

“I’m upse.t”

“You are a Chen stalker, interesting…”

“You invaded my privacy.”

“And you are a stalker, pretty little girl.”

“You entered my house without permission.”

“Can you hug me back?”

“I’m still upset” you added your hands still covering your face.

“Please… can you hug me?”

It was like hypnosis, your hands left your face now feeling his chest on your cheek, your hands traveled around his waits meeting again at the small of his back.

“Baby, you know something? I have never felt so happy in my life, the feeling of your neck touching my face, your cuddles are magical.”

You detached yourself momentarily looking up at his face “really?”

“Yes, hug me again” he pouted, but you also had this fantasy of touching his face.

Your fingertips finally touching all his face beauty spots, the ones in his eyebrows, his temples… Jongdae closed his eyes and exhaled.

“Thank you for letting me bump on you last week.”

“It feels like you are my stalker tho oppa.”

Jongdae lowered himself touching his nose with yours “be my cuddle buddy?”

You nodded your head, making Jongdae squeeze you bringing you back into his loving cuddle.

“But baby, you need to admit that I give good hugs too” he added now rubbing your back creating goosebumps all over your body reaching for your scalp massaging gently, his nose well buried in your sweet spot behind your ear.

You covered him and tugged him tightly with the duvet making sure his toes got tugged in also fixing the pillow.

“The couch is too small for me” he whined.

“You could go back to the dorms, I’m sure sharing the room with Minseok-ssi is way better than this” you said admiring the big pout formed in his lips

“Goodnight oppa.”

“잘자  - jalja - good night.”

You heard the million missed calls Jongdae was getting all through the night, you hoped he didn’t get in trouble, you heard him loud and clear huffing and cursing, he was too frustrated, you wondered what were the texts that he received said, finally all this concluded when you heard a big noise crash in the wall, his unfortunate phone most probably, followed by some sniffing, oh was he crying? You wanted to get up and check on him but he was faster, you heard the squeaking noise of your bedroom door as it opened slowly, you shut your eyes tightly feeling the cold air hitting your arms followed by a dipping on the mattress and finally the warmth of a body at your back, Jongdae’s arm bringing you closer from your waist, your back resting comfortably at his chest as he pulled your pillow from under your head replacing it with his arm.

“Let me cuddle with you for a bit” he whispered at your shoulder “I feel so miserable.”

You turned around feeling his chest on your cheek, his lips touching your forehead, he couldn’t resist the urge to place a kiss, you felt his soft lips over and over, going lower, you couldn’t handle the cuteness you lowered your face your hand resting on his bare chest.

“You know I didn’t get to sing for you.”

“괜찮아요 오빠 - gwaenchanhayo oppa - it’s alright oppa”

“She’s dreaming, she’s dreaming 내 안에 잠이 든 널 마지못해 웃으며 난 그저 너를 바라본다 아침이 오면 아무 일 없듯 깨 버리니까”

“She’s dreaming, she’s dreaming You’re asleep in me I can’t help but smile I’m just looking at you, because In the morning, as if nothing happened You’ll wake up.”

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A/N: thanks for reading, feedback always welcomed.