#or something he doesnt know he doesnt wanna think abt it
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Hi! Genuine question, could you explain what crohns is? I saw from your blog that Kamimura apparently has it and he's my favorite so I was hoping you could explain it and how it affects him. Thank you! /nf -🎱
YES anon i absolutely can i LOVE getting disability asks
okay so crohns disease is an inflammatory disorder that affects your digestive tract. its super super crazy painful and comes with like a billion symptoms but to keep things simple: the main things are stuff like severe diarrhea, fevers, severe fatigue, and weight loss/malnutrition stemming from those. having crohns makes it really hard for your body to absorb nutrients so its normal for people with crohns to be really exhausted and underweight, which like.......
erm yeah this guy is pretty small. look at those legs. he weighs nothing.
with that in mind lets get into HOW IT AFFECTS KAMIMURA SPECIFICALLY!!!
as we know, kamimura's blood doesnt clot. that makes crohns especially dangerous for him, because there can often be a lot of bleeding involved in crohns. if crohns inflammation gets particularly rough, there can be quite a bit of blood passed, which is obviously bad for him so i hope hes TAKING SOMETHING. there can also be a lot of issues with ulcers or fissures that bleed as well, so im not surprised kamimura has anxiety problems, because he basically has to be constantly on edge about this kind of stuff.
one of the classic wonderful fun things about crohns is episodes of very sudden, very urgent need to use the washroom. like, within the minute. non-negotiable. very fun!! especially fun when you are kamimura kazutoshi and you get a decision game punishment that bans you from the dormitories and all the bathrooms are locked at night!! its no surprise that he made a comment about all the motives feeling like they're specifically meant to target him, because this one was particularly harsh for him. this is actually why i headcanoned him as a diaper user in my other post because god i fking hope he is if he had to be locked out of the bathroom for like nine hours a night. diapers/incontinence products in general are fairly common for crohns users so i wanna think he is not SO stubborn that he would refuse to wear them but........i mean youve seen how he is. also considering he has cataplexy episodes that cause him to lose all muscle tone i would HOPE he has something on in case of emergencies
i think we sort of see kamimura's first in-game flare up (crohns episode) way back in chapter one, when he's acting really sick in the morning and ends up hiding out in his room during breakfast and cant really get out of bed and just wants to be alone. crohns is genuinely so painful and uncomfortable and for someone like kamimura who is very private it would probably be pretty embarrassing to be flaring up in a group of strangers so it makes sense that he'd just wanna fuck off and hide out in his room for a while and hopefully ride it out. we also find out in the second investigation that he gets up really frequently during the night, which is another thing thats common if youve got crohns because unfortunately your bathroom needs do not care abt your sleep needs. hooray.
we are all rooting for this little diseased freak!!!!
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Tophvan post yayy... I wanna explain why I ship it or whatever. Why its silly to me or like how I view their dynamic or whatever. This is gonna cringe so probably ignore this if you don't like tophvan I'm not trying to say its like the best ship in the world or they have a great dynamic or whatever I just wanna explain how I view them. This will probably sound delusional but yk whatever. Cringe and free I guess. Here's some old art
Basically me going on their interactions sorta kinda plus my own headcanons.
Okay so hc wise I've always kind of imagined they wouldn't get along in some way. For obvious reasons, Topher tries too hard and Ivan doesn't try at all. So obviously Topher would at least try to seem like he didn't know him s1 and I don't think he does really know him s1 I feel like they would've followed each other on Flipflop(gah I hate saying that) and Topher just didn't care to block him because he only has two followers and doesn't want to lose one. Anyway I think with s3 I imagine the bleacher creatures met during summer school mayhaps because they all failed gym or math or something? That's my hc on it. I think they do seem close? At least good friends I think that jackée Ivan and Topher are the three main(vlad and lizzie I still loveee but its harder to get a read on them they don't talk much) anyway I don't think that Ivan and Topher would immediately get along obviously Topher let loose more because he's happier with his friends but still I don't think its perfect obv. so going to actually get into the analysis now I yap so much
Cringe part
I think that based off lines of dialogue like "its a fuck no from me" "a simple no would've been fine Ivan" that Topher kinda keeps him grounded at least a little bit???? Ivan doesnt seem to retaliate I think he does sort of view Topher as the leader in a way. Because Topher talks the most and tbh he does seem a little bit bossy. There's also that one time that I immediately think of when I think tophvan the part where he looks over at Topher as if to see if its approved or not before he agrees with jackée.
Like hes like 'is this funny? ' though it could be because he doesn't listen to jackée because female and he's a dumb teenage boy(throws tomatoes at him) I still think that its funny cause he doesn't even look at all the guys in the group to approve it first he just looks at Topher. you can tell by the animation
Anyway before that I think these two do talk more off screen Ivan looks at him when the others don't (even in other scenes though I don't really think that's a big deal imo) okay full headcanon time I think Ivan knows about tophers supposed crush on joan. I don't think Ivan likes Joan but I think he was like "give it a shot because Topher or whatever 🙄😒' but I also feel like he had a bet that she wouldn't be any help. Don't get me wrong I do think ivans dumb obviously but I also do think he just doesn't like Joan. He doesn't full on hate her or anything just don't think he completely trusted her. He does trust her in the vip room thing he thought that was coll but he is also the first to say she ditched us straight up. Ivans very blunt
We are standing in a closet!
Past that I think they do get closer or whatever afterwards. Kind of. We see them in the shower but I kind of ignore that episode and scene altogether so. That's not rlly a big thing I think abt so anyway
Dumb thing incoming I think its also like the way they look at each other or whatever. Like. whatever dude. I think they'd be kind of sweet or whatever. I don't know. Idiots who caresbro.
Overall I think Topher is a complete idiot too like obviously that one scene where he gets bitten by the snake and jackée says to suck the poison out and Ivan sucks the snake because he's a stupid stupid idiot. Dumb. Tophers stupid too very stupid but that's why I think they're fun together.
Forgot abt that scene where they highfive Topher laughs at ivans dumb jokes. They highfive. (I think Topher laughs way too hard at it like we get it bro. You think its funny. I would say it kinda sounds like forced like haha you're so funnyyy but that's probably a bit of a stretch 😔😔😔💔💔)Edit: I think he genuinely finds that stuff funny cause he's so stupid like bone high is not that funny he just has dumb humor. Anyway another hc I have Topher does like his jokes alot and at first I van laughs along with him but then Topher laughs too much so Ivan just like stares at him
Akso the thing where he sees Topher as the leader of the group I don't think that's too serious or anything I think its just like okay ill listen to you sometimes they're still a dumb high school friend group.
ALSO THIS ISNT ME TRYING TO BE LIKE ITS BETTER THSN OTHER SHIPS OR THAT "OH THRY HAVE SO MUCH DYNAMIC" they're background characters basically I just want to point out some canon stuff! Its fine if you don't ship them who cares anyway if anyone has any tophvan hcs please comment them I love seeing tophvan stuff!!!
Also I love all the bleacher creatures I'm ocifying them too.....sorry to single out the ship I just wanted to explain stuff
Also is this reaching? Probably but they're two characters with low screen time so. Shrugs
#clone high#tophvan#Topher bus#clone high ivan the terrible#clone high Ivan#Clone high Topher#again feel free to share tophvan hcs I love tophvan#Stupid idiot bromance to me#I think they'd be kinda sweet to eachother. Sometimes. As a treat🙄#THEYRE STILL DUMB DUMB IDIOTS THOUGH
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@yeonban said: "you're going to stay even longer?" Mikito's voice doesn't seem bothered as much as mildly interested in Seiroku's self-appointed mission at the Date, which is partly why he sent a signal to the other's heart to talk rather than spoil Seiroku's fun by dropping into the Date castle and taking them all by surprise. He fiddles with some strands of hair while falling into a quiet ponder, thinking about the information they've been given lately and categorizing it as not being the most relevant considering Seiroku's lengthy stay, but he won't pry about it for now. Who knows, maybe the grand generals truly are as secretive as they give off the impression to be. "maybe he'll slip up and tell you something we don't know."
Seiroku was thankful for the signal being sent rather than one of the dogs either literally showing up, or opening communications without him having time to get away. It was good timing - he was supposed to be going on a break anyways. He feigns finally relenting to the other medical staff's insistence that he go on break and steps outside, traveling some distance away until he's certain he's on his own. Only then does he properly allow the communication to open for a proper conversation.
" Mm, it's seeming like that, yes. " Seiroku sighs as he sits on the ground, head resting back against a tree. " That's the plan. Do you know how infuriating it is to be here? " He complains, offering a distasteful snort. " Much less having to heal them? Although ~ " A sadistic tone spikes in his voice as he grins. " It's also very convenient for seeing weaknesses in terms of what areas get injured more often. And using my threads to fix some of them means their reality can be twisted in a moment. " He flashes a sharp, violent hungry grin. " Might come in handy in the future. So although outright information isn't being as forthcoming as I'd hoped, I'm finding plenty of other ways to benefit us in the long term rather than just the short term. "
All of these statements are, at least to some level, true. It is the key to why his black heart does not waver or betray what might be lurking inside the black dog's mind. Facts were facts. And it was true, his first few weeks here had been insufferable as he forced his bloodlust and murderous rage to slumber while he played his role. Seiroku still can't pinpoint where acting and reality had started to blend and become harder to distinguish, where hatred had turned to something softer, as care threaded itself into truth rather than just the mask of an act.
The raven-haired gives a nod. " That would be ideal. But unlike what glimpses we have of previous clans, the Date take things much more seriously. Gaining trust is the key unless alcohol or something else might loosen lips. " He ponders that for a second, but he can't say he's seen any of them drink to that point. ( And if he has? He has no intention of sharing that news. ) " At least there's still some good information to gather even if its not the most relevant, but i'll make sure to keep everyone updated if I learn something more valuable. " He adds.
Liar. Really, if he'd lie to one, why not another? Or maybe its not lying so much as delaying and twisting matters to weave into a tapestry of his own image. In the end, there is only one outcome to this all. So Seiroku has every intention of enjoying this happiness, as temporary as it might be, for as long as possible.
#yeonban#seiroku vc: it sure is a shame#he says as if he doesn't spend all his time with soma#thats for him to know and no one else HJGDFG#the tragedy of it being that in the end#seiroku does fully believe there's only one outcome#and all this knowledge may end up being used#even if he doesnt want to#but maybe he can make it as quick and painless or peaceful#or something he doesnt know he doesnt wanna think abt it#᛭ — [IC] carcinoma being with a taste for death [SEIROKU INUKAWA]#᛭ — [QUEUE] ghosts of the past and of the future
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i wanted to try drawing older Mabel and Dipper !
#gravity falls#mabel pines#dipper pines#artists on tumblr#tbob#not gonna lie im not too sold on these designs so i may change things later if i ever wanna draw them again#i was looking at their old character designs and concept art for inspiration#mabel lowkey looks like a fashion mess but! i think its in character so whatevvsss#also firm believer that they both have glasses. mabel doesnt wear contacts bc she likes fun frames + contacts are too uncomfortable for her#dipper doesnt wear contacts because hes too busy for contacts and he can never put them in right#also took some insp from kristen schaal. alex hirsch. ariel hirsch. jason ritter for them too#also. i know dipper is shown to be a STEM-y kid but i firmly am a believer hes a STEM enjoyer in the service of art. like the fanfiction#writer thats studies physics or chemistry to get a certain detail right or something. or the entire futurama writers room lol#like i do think he wants to make documentaries or shows abt the supernatural or whatever#and mabel helps out with the adventuring :)#kind of like buzzfeed unsolved in the golden era of youtube#turtlearts
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a sturdier toy
#a doodley#ok finished it up anyway#something abt how i didnt wanna continue it bc i drew myself so ugly but like thats how u know its depressingly accurate i guess#anyway recently been thinking about talon having those prey drive and intense “i wanna crawl inside your body''#feelings but nobody including him can tell if its in the Oh My God I Like You I Wanna Merge Souls way or if its in a more fucked up way#i think it could be both#tho i guess ''fucked up way'' also isnt fair bc he doesnt actually wanna kill anyone hence the ''i wish you could quickly heal injuries and#not die so i could do it over and over''#thing
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There's a lot of validity in the idea that older Bakugo is a traumatized pro-hero with major PTSD... but you know what's kinda fucked up to think about? The fact that Bakugo is also a 22-year-old pro-hero with major PTSD even before that, too.
It's almost easy to imagine that things are actually better when he's older (the therapy finally a routine, the trauma long set and on the path to being healed)... and that it's his whole 20s that are spent as a pool of disaster trying to recover from the war(s).
He looks back and barely even remembers being twenty, much less twenty-five or twenty-seven. Barely remembers how little he slept, not at the hands of trying to balance hero work and getting a degree at the same time, but just out of the pure insomnia that came from trying to move on and every nightmare attached.
Hardly ever showering, never shaving (not that he ever grew much of a beard, but the facial hair was definitely there. There's pictures of him on the news with an awkward, grown out haircut and patches on facial hair that make him look positively... immature), barely even eating more than a few protein bars or an energy jelly drink-a day. It's a blur, and his friends are hardly there to pick him up out of it because they're all going through it, too. Somewhat.
It's definitely weird if you meet him during this period. He's not all there, at least, not all of the time. He doesn't really register your interactions, the friendship you extend to him (a younger, or ever older, version of him would've shown you that deep seeded ferocity in response, tried to bite the hand that fed him, even if it were love... but 20s Bakugo... doesn't seem to notice). Even though only one of his eyes is clouded over, the good one never seems to brighten up.
There's definitely moments when the old him shines through: when he's with Deku, when he's in the midst of battle, when he finds out that Todoroki still does a shitty job at chopping scallions. But it's a long time before he's even close to the same, able to step out from underneath the fog of simply surviving and into the sunshine of recovering.
But I think sticking through it with him is worth it.
(It's a weird moment, a happy moment, the first time you realize that Bakugo has changed. That the pouring rain outside hasn't bothered him since he showed up at your apartment. He forgot his umbrella, he's been quite careless ever since the war—wet and shaggy hair frizzed up, cheeks red from cold—but he doesn't seem to mind, with his bare feet up on your coffee table, his eyes gazing out the window. You hand his tea, and instead of gulping it down in one go, letting it burn in his throat, he winces at the heat.
"Tastes like shit," he says, and you laugh because it always does. Just this time, he noticed.)
#bakugou x reader#bakugo#this is what crocheting a baby hat does to u#no im jk i was just thinking abt bakugo being like 22 and awkward as h*ck bc he still hasnt recovered from the war#i wanna talk abt what he's like more but this is what came out instead LOL#like i think he's really stubborn abt ... coping with after effects of dying#and then before he knows it he has major depression LMFAOO#and he can like go to work get his degree do all he needs to do as a 20-something year guy#but he's not like. *there*. you know#and you meet him and he's a binch but he's not hard to get along with#and u just sorta take him in and drag him places like idk#your school's halloween night.. or even just a night out with ur friend (he doesn't even know how to order a drink)#and he doesnt even process it all until one day he's like 'dang it feels like ive been asleep for years'#and he kinda was#but he knows youre the one who helped him and now he wants to fix himself for you bc he remembers u being there for him#but he's so funny im imagining him with like. frat boy facial hair and a really outgrown ugly mullet type haircut#and lowkey with like. greasy skin (ik he's perfect but he's in a bad state and it shows) and he eats instant noodles ever day#and only watches japanese top gear#and goes on patrols where he beats the crap outta ppl and then doesnt remember it#DREAM BOY#and then he's big hero later#anyway#caitie post#gen
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I LOVE QUEEN SOO MUCH I THINK THEYRE JUST SO SO NEAT AND SILLY... the best thing about a cute character is that u get to draw them all scared and bloody and crying and shaking and upset and you can also put a spider on them
#I GOT A WHOOOLE DOODLY PAGE FULLA QUEEN BC I LOVE HIM N THINK HES CUTE..... ESPPECIALLY WHEN HES SCARED AND AFRAID#LALALAAAA SUCHA FUNNY BUNNYY ALL THEY KNOW HOW TO DO IS SING UNFINISHED SONG. PLAY BIG FLUTE.AND WHIMPER N CRY#HEHEHE i think its fine that they dragged this poor soul into the black sea w them bc i too would subject him to endless nightmares.for fun#IM ALSO SO HONESTLY INTRIGUIDED BY THEIR BACKSTORY.....LIKE WAts her deal how does she know abt that one bitch#the one that was working w the scary spider lady guuhh tis been so loongg i FORGOTTT..so did queen tho so. well.#THEY WERE SO SCARED WHEN THEY RECOGNIZED THE MELODY. WHAT HAPPENED? WHAT TRAUMA IS LINKED TO THIS TUNE?he kept the mask#HE WAS SCARED THAT HE HAD DONE SOMETHING TERRIBLE AND DOESNT REMEMBER. WHAT DID YOU DO BUNNY?WHAT DID YOU DO.#WHAT DOES HE KKNNOOOWWW GRAAGGHGHHG I WANNA BREAK HER HEAD OPEN AGAINAST A SLAB O CONCRETE (LOVINGLY OFC)#LET ME SEEEEE LEMME SEE WHATS INSIIIDE WHO CURSED YOU? WHAT HAPPENED? WHAT DID YOU SEE? WHAT DID YOU DO? WHHAT HAVE YOU DDONNNEEE!!!!
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something that is like the baseline of amys entire character to me is that shes lonely. shes clingy and physically affectionate in a way none of her friends really are, shes always getting pushed aside and left behind. yeah, she helps out people she doesnt know because shes a nice person, but also, she sees part of herself in them. she wont leave someone else behind because she knows the feeling —and more importantly, hates the feeling. if she doesnt have somebody to stand by her and be there for her, then shes going to be that person for everybody else. something something her obsession with sonic is really just like a manifestation of that desire for closeness with someone, and she thinks that romance is the only way to get that. idk... this hedgehog can have so many abandonment issues.
#me posts#amy rose#sth#sonic the hedgehog#and this is not to say at all that romance is the only way to have 'real' love or anything#just that yknow part of her breaking free of that would also be realizing that she just wants closeness with someone and it doesnt-#-have to be romantic#aroace amy could fit this i suppose and she just doesnt know it yknow. thats not my hc but i support their beliefs if that makes sense#she wants to be loved and she wants to love and she doesnt really get a big outlet for that so she shares it with everyone she sees#also i didnt wanna jam up the post but GAMMA!! this is partially abt gamma she helps him find out how to love and how to find joy in it-#-bc its what she wants for herself. she sees him and sees how completely alone he is and she wants to help him. idk idk something something#-when she was locked in the cell she saw part of herself staring back at her#gamma parallels to amy is SLEPT ON i stg i could make a whole other post about it#idk.. whenever im writing amy or just thinking abt how shed interact with others its always from the lens that she craves closeness with-#-others. she wants people to just stay for once.#does this make any sense. idk man im rambling here#my worst nightmare is characterizing her wrong its such a fine line and sometimes the words do not come out of my brain right#btw this is NOT me dissing amy i love amy. she is like top three favorite character.#important context: im typing this with amy firefox theme rn ok. ok im an amy fan.#she points at the minimize button like shes telling me to log off#jesus christ i just scrolled back up i love to put a whole other post in the notes dont i
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🐮
#@ comment directed to me in a tag. i have not talked abt them anywhere publicly but if u were deep enough in the paint in 2020ish theyre#like not super surprising. i think i wanna get back around to the trolls in my reread (so itll b a while) before i say anthing solid#just so i can go in w intent to pay closer attention again but like#overall have a low opinion on most the troll boys insofar as i see that the narrative seems to also not care for them. they seem to exist#to serve narrative purposes & end up discarded when no longer relevant. ie they dont end up very interesting and thus i view#many fans with suspicion when they have 'boys disease' ie having an outsized focus on the boys of the story despite hs being by the end#an extremely female dominated text with a lot to say about masculinity as an opressive force#tavros and gamzee are the biggest bugbears here (only really beaten out in eyebrow raising by cronus and the male dancestors)#on account of fans of them often downplaying gamzee's misogyny that is core to his role as a charismatic cult leader (or worse#sending trans women death threats when they made the factual assesment that gamzee was written to be a weird misogynist calling it#character assassination etc. man 2020 was wild.) tavros mostly just ends up being an accessory to this crime tbh. though his genuinely#complicated relationship w vriska oft being flattened to villify vriska + an inability to actually read what tavros Says...#like. if you get rid of tavros' quirk. stammering and all. and read his lines. he's kind of fucking rude? and yeah its alternia they all ar#but i have my hesitancies wrt how people seem to infantilise him (a disabled character) to the point of ignoring his dialogue and flaws#when one of tavros' core conceits (u can argue if this is . like. something hussie should have stayed out of. like its not their lane) is#that shitty ppl online will be assholes but will be allowed to get away with it due to unrelated disability. which like. it was 2010 ig#but this is hit upon again with mituna being distinctly a 4 channer with real brain damage and speech issues & all his friends letting him#get away with shit he still clearly has the cognitive capacity to know is wrong. its very messily handled but. i dont rlly like tavros ig.#will b amazed if tumblr doesnt eat these tags i went on wayy too long. but im not putting this in plaintext for obvi reasons#lucabytereads
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i think the reason why im so drawn to spirit tracks and pkmn scarvi is that having the legendary/princess as a companion rather than a goal that marks the games completion makes me feel satisfied the way i would after helping a friend
my brother always teases me about how I still havent finished botw after almost 7 years bc "id rather be out picking flowers" which i wont say is untrue. and yes i know Zeldas been holding off ganon for 100 years, yes i can get some sort of idea what her relationship with link was like by recalling memories and going through her diary. ive always loved botw for its unique storytelling and setting which makes it stand out, because it lets you get to know who you're saving.
but because theyre memories, it only works if theres something for the player to investigate that already happened. its retroactive (but effective nonetheless)
on the other hand, spirit tracks does something similar but instead of having the player try to piece together memories and interpret them as a spectator, you actually have an opportunity to get to know zelda yourself by talking to her and working together. besides making it a gameplay mechanic, giving the player control over how they interact with zelda makes it so much more personable.
and I find that making the goal feel personal instead of an obligation gives me more of a reason to work towards it. I know what kind of person botw zelda was but as the player, shes still very much a stranger to me. but spirit tracks zelda? thats my friend!!!! she invited me to go to the beach after we get her body back!!! i dont want to whip her to make her move faster thats mean :(
you know how hostage negotiators are trained to introduce themselves and get to know the person theyre negotiating with because its harder to hurt someone when you know what their favorite food is? its kinda like that, because it feels like im helping a friend than being told or led to do smth
and although i havent played scarvi myself, i feel an attachment to koraidon and miraidon even just watching playthrough clips because its like!! thats my weird scaly dog!! it loves sandwiches and we're friends!!! you know!!!!!!
#i dont normally write long posts like this but i think ive been trying to put this into words for a long time and it finally happened#my cloth mother spirit tracks zelda and my wire mother lttp zelda#ACTUALLY ANOTHER THING when i was a kid i always felt guilty when i had to catch the legendary at the end of the game#because to me it was like 'i know none of this is real but if i capture you and have you under my thumb am i robbing the world of something#normal thoughts for a 10 year old to have#when i talked to my brother abt this he was like 'i mean yeah the point is to dunk on the NPCs what were you expecting' and i mean i think#i get that its supposed to feel rewarding because the legendary is THE reward. but it doesnt feel right and i dislike he feeling of pushing#others down to get ahead. i guess u can argue sun/moon does smth similar where you have nebby with lillie#but lillie still ends up handing nebby over to the player and i STILL feel bad because im like shit man you raised that little guy#and koraidon/miraidon feels less like a reward but more like overpowered motorcycle lizard that is just so oupydog. and i love him#and in spirit tracks i went out of my way doing some of the side quests bc zelda asked nicely and honestly that was enough for me#i think all of this boils down to.. i feel very protective abt things i care abt so stories that give me a reason to care hits harder#this can also go the other way bc i CRIED when i finished links awakening because i KNEW every person and im responsible for#literally the end of their world. like. there was a family with 5 kids. marin loved singing and cared about me. she was my FRIEND#i just. ugh. i have too many feelings rn. i kinda wanna draw more spirit tracks link and zelda i think that wld make me feel better#yapping#diary#loz#pokemon
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a friend who'd wait :)
#im posting this very late because i was sort of weary of how it came out and ended up messing w it until it was like 4am oops.#and i have plans tmrw so... oh well! i did my best and ill put it out while i can!#and i tried to make the scene match barnard's colors lol#finn's ocs#finn's art#i know i said id do more sillay stuff with the simpler screentone only style but i had a couple more of these in me#and this is the first piece im making thats like an actual part of the story too rather than just setting stuff for fun#i wanna write something to go with it too but for now ill just sort of briefly explain the context in the tags here:#barnard has a pretty bad case of OCD and his compulsions have made it difficult to make friends in the past#he was never outright bullied or anything but people just didnt really have the patience to deal with it#he has compulsions that include stuff like walking through doors until it feels right and needing things to be perfectly aligned#which in group settings has lead to people having to wait for him to finish his rituals and join them#they might find it tolerable at first but eventually they grow impatient and hes just... not invited to stuff anymore#but juno is a newer member of the guild who ends up frequenting the same library. hes also kinda a little weird#and they dont become fast friends or anything but just sort of naturally spend time in the same place#though they never plan meetups they eventually fall into a routine. around the same time theyd just both be at the library#and read next to each other. and maybe talk a bit. and eventually they end up walking back to the guildhall together#since theyre going to the same place after all. and juno always waits for barnard outside the door#eventually barnard asks if this bothers him. juno kinda just tells him 'of course it does' without any malice or anything. just a statement#barnard is surprised and apologizes and juno says not to. but the next day juno doesnt show up at the usual time.#barnard assumes hes committed somekinda more by bringing it up. he ends up staying there late reading to get his mind off it & not ruminate#but when he leaves juno is in fact still waiting for him down the hall (see pic) having collected a bunch of books literally abt ocd#he fell asleep bc barnard stayed later than expected. and hes an eepy guy generally. and also one very bad at expressing himself#but now barnard gets that juno's 'of course it [bothers me]' had the implication of 'but its worth it' which no friend has previously done.#and from the interaction juno was also able to understand that this isn't something barnard just does for the hell of it so. he studies.#and checks a bunch of stuff out because he thinks it could help his friend too (theres ocd workbooks and such- i remember working w them)#and thats the point where they became more ''friends'' than ''pleasant library acquaintances''#from there on they also do get into juno's problems. whole other bag of worms. but this specific scene is more about bernard from his pov#sorry about when i said briefly explain. i lied </3#but compared to the whole sequence im picturing its brief so shhh
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Poor Form
✧ Nebarra x human!LDB, ft. Xelzaz & Khash ✧ Fluff, maybe angst (if you squint), slow-burn with tension; 2k+ word count ✧ Mentions of blood, (poorly written) fantasy violence ♫ "Ritual" - AWAY, Echos ✒ @dalishthunder come take responsibility for this
It was the grey hour when you woke, the quiet lull between full night and the oncoming dawn. From where you lay in the tent, the only sounds you could hear were the steady breaths of your companions, the breeze rustling by outside, and the lone call of a bird, faint and dim in the distance.
Slowly, you sat up, grimacing at your sore neck and shoulders – though you had long since grown accustomed to sleeping on the ground, that didn't mean you, or your body, appreciated it. You'd have to look into getting some bed cots instead. Until then, though...
At least we stay warm through the night. The oiled leather tent kept out most of the wind, and the beasts you'd felled along the journey had long since become the bedding everyone slept on.
A sudden snore drew your attention to where Khash lay, bundled in her sleeping bag beside you, red eyes shut tight and jaw slightly parted, her sharp little teeth on display. Across from her was Xelzaz, sleeping quietly on his side with his back turned towards you; you could just make out the lump of his tail beneath the blankets. And next to him...
...was an empty bed roll, the fur still fluffed, apparently untouched through the night.
Frowning, you pushed back the blankets, habitually reaching for your sword as you rose – just in case, always just in case – and, taking care not to wake Khash, crawled quietly out of the tent.
The morning had teeth. You felt it the moment you stepped outside, the cold biting into your bare arms, gnawing through the fabric of your tunic and raising goosebumps across your skin. Your breath plumed white amidst the grey, and the dirt underfoot was cold and hard; not even the morning dew had loosened it. You found yourself wanting retreat back into the tent and burrow under your furs once more, pulling them all the way over your head and falling asleep beneath their warmth. Any other morning, you might have done just that. But...
The empty, untouched bedroll.
You squinted into the mist, eyes searching, searching... there. A figure, seated on a rock several metres away, smudged and blurred in the gloom, but glinting a familiar gold.
As you lowered your sword, a sigh slipped from your lips, drawn from some strange mix of frustration, concern, and relief.
"...How long have you been out here, Nebarra?"
"Morning to you too, guar-face," the elf drawled, and though he didn't rise, his helmeted head turned towards you. A thin layer of condensation covered the metal, droplets falling at his movement; his bangs, escaping through the visor, were damp and plastered to his helm. "And all night, to answer your question. Somebody has to keep watch."
"Obviously. But you volunteered for the first shift last night." Frowning, you looked him up and down, not bothering to mask your concerned displeasure. "Why didn't you wake me or Xelzaz? We could have relieved you. We were supposed to relieve you."
"Oh yes, a human and a lizard! I'm certain I'd feel very safe with you two on watch. Your species' eyesight is so much better than an Altmer's, after all."
Your frown deepened, brow furrowing as you stared him down. It was too early in the morning for his snark.
Wordlessly, you brought up your sword and levelled it at his throat. "I can see that gap in your armor just fine. I could kill you right now – and the same goes for whatever may have come up on us in the night."
Nebarra gave a disdainful snort, gloved hand clamping down on your blade and giving a sharp tug. Unprepared, reflexes still sluggish from sleep, you stumbled a whole two steps forward before managing to check yourself.
"Poor form," the elf sneered. "You won't be killing anything like that."
Your nostrils flared, a dozen retorts surging to your lips, but you held them all in.
He's right, and you both know it.
"I wasn't ready", "I'm still waking up", "I wasn't serious" – excuses that could get you, and maybe the others, killed. How long had Nebarra seen this in you? Why was he only mentioning it now? Why hadn't you realised it on your own, that despite your confidence, your skills, your strength – you were still very much mortal? And when had that confidence become something more dangerous – arrogance?
"...What?" Nebarra asked suddenly, drawing you from your reverie. "You have that expression again. The one where you're about to do something stupid."
"Spar with me."
"Terrible idea, absolu... wait. What?"
"Spar with me," you repeated, staring into the black of his visor. "I'm getting rusty, fighting nothing but bandits and mindless undead. This just proved it."
Nebarra was silent for a beat, his head tilting to the side. Something about the motion reminded you of a bird; the eagle-shaped helm only added to the effect. You waited patiently for his answer, wondering what exactly he had to consider –
Metal, arcing toward your sword arm.
You barely managed a dodge and a weak parry with the flat of your blade – you'd been holding it low, unready. Stupid, stupid, stupid.
Clearly, Nebarra was done thinking – the two of you were sparring now.
Fair enough. Enemies wouldn't be so polite as to give you time to gear up, either. And now, for once, the odds weren't in your favour: a fully-armoured Altmer veteran with decades of experience, versus you, young, disoriented, and unarmored, only a single blade in hand.
It was thrilling.
You sidestepped another swing of Nebarra's blade – only to connect with it a moment later, coming out of the feint you had failed to read.
Sharp, stinging pain. Scarlet, dripping from your arm.
He was trying to hurt you. And you were giving him ample opportunity.
You needed to ground yourself, regain your rhythm – something you couldn't do without an opening, and Nebarra wasn't giving you any.
A glint of metal on the left – block, step back. Movement overhead, an oncoming blow – raise your sword, throw your weight behind it, disrupt his momentum.
At least, you tried. Fully armoured as he was, Nebarra had an extra thousand angaids of weight behind his swing, if not more. The sheer force of his blow knock your sword out of your hands, sending you staggering back. But the grass underfoot was slick with the morning's dew, and you were moving too fast, too unsteadily. Before you knew it, your back was colliding with the ground, and all you could see was grey sky overhead – and a golden sword coming down.
Careless.
But there was still a chance.
Contorting violently, you grabbed Nebarra's arm as the blade sailed by, nicking your face as it passed. You didn't let go of his arm just yet, though. Instead, you pulled, leveraging your weight against his, abdomen taut as you used him to haul yourself upright. Nebarra, clearly not expecting such a move, found himself betrayed by his own momentum, drawing him forward and down, aided by your weight. Gravity took care of the rest, and he crashed towards the earth, twisting even as he fell to avoid face-planting into the ground.
As he struggled to right himself, you rushed to retrieve your sword; Nebarra was already rising by the time you turned back to him.
"No you don't," you growled, charging the mer, sword raised.
His hand shot out, a ward rippling to life, though it buckled slightly under your sword's impact. Nebarra staggered, his half-risen stance precarious, unbalanced.
Now. Now. Now.
Once, twice, thrice more your sword glanced off the ward – and on the fourth blow, it shattered, leaving the Altmer open to your assault.
Metal clanged as you brought your sword down, colliding with his gauntlet as he struggled to block with it, not given enough time to raise his own sword in defense. You let the blade slide off, intending to follow up with its momentum, but Nebarra didn't give you a chance. The moment the sword glanced off his gauntlet, he lunged, catching you in the abdomen and bringing the both of you to the ground.
The tussle that followed was a blur.
His sword arcing down, yours blocking. Hilts catching, blades flying, yanked out of your grasp and his.
Panted breaths, heaving chests, grappling and rolling across the grass.
A glint caught your eye – your sword and Nebarra's, just within reach.
He saw it too, the both of you reaching out in unison for your weapons, desperate to be faster than the other.
Leather-bound metal brushed against your palm – the hilt. Your hand closed around it, drawing it in close. Brought it swiftly upwards, blade against Nebarra's neck.
At its touch, he froze – and so did you. Because resting against your own neck, biting into the tender flesh, was the edge of Nebarra's blade.
Stalemate.
Ears ringing, heart racing, you shift your gaze from the sword to the one holding it.
Hunched over and straddling you, a leg to either side of your waist, there was hardly any distance between your bodies. The beak of his helm was close enough to brush your nose; your breath fogged on the metal. His gasping breaths may has well have been your own – you could feel them, swift and hot, slipping through the gold feathers that covered his face, carrying the faint scent of wine.
Of course, he'd been drinking. It had probably kept him warm through the night – and he'd still managed to keep you off-balanced for most of the fight.
You were in worse shape than you'd thought.
That, or... maybe Nebarra was better than he'd ever let on.
"...Tonight," you breathed, staring up at him. "Let's... spar again tonight."
Nebarra grunted; you could hear the sound echo faintly in his helmet. "Fine. Don't expect me to go easy on you."
A smile tugged at your mouth – you could feel your lips crack and stretch at the motion, dried out in the cold; you gave them a brief lick before answering. "What, and this was?"
Another affirmative grunt. "I'll be sober by tonight. Unfortunately."
You snorted, then fell silent once more. With your eyes, you found yourself tracing the curves of his helm, pausing at the sight of his bangs peeking through, dark and tangled threads of gold. Something about them was like an itch you couldn't scratch, and you had the sudden urge to brush them aside, or at least tuck them back into his helm.
As your gaze drifted upward, toward the visor, a glint in its shadows caught your eye. Again, you paused, staring intently into the dark.
A reflective sheen, a gleam of crimson –
"Are you done breathing on one another, yet?"
Xelzaz's voice shattered your focus, and both you and Nebarra snapped your heads toward the sound.
The Argonian stood just outside the tent, arms crossed, head bare of its usual hood, scales shimmering in the pale light. Beside him was Khash, a shadowy smudge in the mist; her wide red eyes seemed to float amidst the grey.
"Good morning," you said stupidly, even as Nebarra scrambled to get off you.
"Why were you fighting?" Khash asked. "Did something happen?"
"For your – obviously necessary – information," Nebarra sniffed, dusting off his armour, "we were sparring. And you had better get used to it. Our dear Dragonborn and I will continue to do so, apparently, starting today."
As you sat up, you distinctly heard Xelzaz mutter, "By the Hist." When he turned his head to you once more, there was something incredibly deadpan about his gaze, an unspoken, "Really?" in his eyes.
"What?" you mouthed back, blinking at him in confusion. He only shook his head, and have no answer.
"Right... Well, let's get the fire going again, and I'll see about getting us all breakfast."
At that, Khash's gaze snapped towards him. "Ohh, Xelzaz, can I have some Hackle-lo with it?"
"Khash, you've eaten almost my whole stock."
"Oh..."
"...I'll see if I can't spare a few more."
"Yay! Heh."
"Horker stew for you, Nebarra?"
"I'm too tired to say no... but I'll watch you every moment of its making."
"Yes, yes, as usual. And what of you, friend?" Xelzaz turned towards you, and for a moment, you couldn't answer him – you'd been too distracted watching the scene unfold, a smile on your face.
"Ah... it doesn't matter to me, I suppose. Surprise me."
And so, thirty minutes later, as the sun climbed through the sky and burned away the mist, breakfast was served.
But for some strange reason, all throughout the meal, you found your gaze drawn... repeatedly...
...to Nebarra.
#nebarra#nebarra skyrim#skyrim nebarra#skyrim#i havent written action in YEARS i hope its passable#i tried to remember what my two whole gumdo lessons were like back in high school :DDD#also fyi i know ZILCH abt tes lore n stuff so uhhh pls be gentle w me on that front#i literally spent ten minutes looking up tamrielic weight measurements and then trying to convert that it to pounds and back#and apparently its only referenced in a book that appears in like four of the games so its clearly an OLD book#likely that tamriel doesnt even use that unit of measurement anymore but damnit i wanted to get SOMETHING accurate#anyway that was quite enough research for me tyvm#like mate i just wanna romance this sardonic sunflower#speaking of which i wanna give him flowers?? dont ask me why i just do#give him a boquet of yellow mountain flowers like#'i saw them and thought they looked like u'#to which he scoffs and VERY GRUDGINGLY accepts ONE#prolly tells us to give the rest to khash or xelzaz#fast forward several to months later and somehow we find that one flower v carefully pressed n preserved amongst his belongings#dont touch me i just made myself sOFT thinking about this#im literally gonna have to write it now dammit#dali this is all ur fault u have unleashed the floodgates of my garbage bin brain#........thank u :D#anyway yeah this was originally written for my ldb oc which is why the personality of the ldb here may be a bit.... specific? idk#just swapped pronouns to make it more self-insert/other people's oc friendly#anyway thank god its finally done; only took me three days#not super happy with the ending but oh well#'swhat happens when u dont write for over a year#rUST#rusty as lbd's fighting in this fic#whisper writes
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i cant describe it but people just putting meryl and milly in the background of vashwood instead of just putting them front and centre in their own piece genuinely feels like im being cucked like why did u even bother
like damn maybe id like the ship more if people didnt just go "theyr so cute and soft and married aahhh so so gentle and femme and girly theyr so cyute" then the only time they draw them is like. idfk them walking in on vash and wolfwood fucking eachothers brains out like god. all talk.
#i think its the only reason i dont like the pairing like. i like them theyr cute but. idk for me theyr not romantic#and its like. really annoying when people just say they ship them but its just lip service bc they rlly wanna pretend they care#but the truth is is that ive seen maybe 3 people put milly/meryl front and centre in their own dedicated art#and it was good#ppl just dont know what to do w them#not that i do either but hey at least i dont claim to ship them#listen im not tryin 2 dictate or anything#but fr it annoys me sm when people pretend to ship them to either go 'see? i do care about women!!! (lie)' or to get them 'out of the way'#DONT SAY U SHIP THEM IF U DONTTTT FUCK STOP PRETENDING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#id rather u just leave them out of it like genuinely its such an insult to their characters like god#even nightow doesnt shove them to the back this much and they werent present for like 30 chapters at one point#BECAUSE HE KNEW IT WOULD BE MORE IMPACTFUL TO BRING THEM BACK IN SOME BIG REVEAL AND GIVE THEM SOMETHING TO DO#bc he respected his characters enough to not have them just bumble about in the background doing fuckall while he figured them out#so they were temporarily removed from the plot and them coming back and being Ready 2 Fucken Go was powerful it was so cool#please just respect these girls ffs stop having them be the Background Cardboard Cutout Dykes#so so so so so so annoying 2 me as a meryl and milly lover#rbs off i dont wanna start discourse#also ive talked abt this before
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thinking abt gwen and hobie and what his community means and meant to her, how cool she thinks he is, how kind, how fucking smart. she ADORES hobie, dude. she thinks he's the coolest ever. he's her best friend, right alongside miles. she'd do just about anything he asked and considers him the best person she knows
#I JUST....I LOVE THEM#i know daniel kaluuya says that in his opinion he thinks 'something happened' between them#which is interesting 2 me and doesnt have 2 be romantic necessarrily#but i also think like#how could you not fall a little in love with the guy?#hobie brown is the coolest dude in the world at a base level#let alone if you've been made homeless due to ur dad rejecting you so wholly#and he gives you a place to be and calls you gwendy and compliments ur drumming and gets u shoes#lets u borrow his jackets cos you've got nothing but the suit on your back#i dont think she has an actual Romantic Crush but like. how could u not feel awe towards this person?#hobie vc dont feel awe towards me that makes me feel like a fuckin autocrat divine right bullshit#also i just cant imagine that even if feelings Did happen that either would do anything abt it#esp during the movies timeline#like gwen shows that she rly doesnt wanna be w a spiderman rn on the off chance she Dies#and hobie would never risk accidentally taking advantage of gwen while shes so dependent on him and emotionally fragile
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ohhhh my god. okay. so. my aunt does like, she buys random junk in bulk from retail wholesalers and then resells it on like, facebook marketplace and ebay and stuff. whatever. so my mom works for her. makes a flat $50 a day, regardless of the fact that shes disabled and doing hard labor for at least 8 hours a day, often 10+. and min wage here is $10 an hour but mom argued that $50 a day is still more than what she would make working the same hours at an actual job because of taxes...like girl that would be 50% taxes. you do not pay that fucking much. so thats already Bad.
but today mom shows me a video of a knife theyre gonna sell, and i watch 2 seconds and i realize its an automatic knife, and i tell her hey. thats illegal to possess in this state. let alone sell! and mom is like ohhh [aunt] knows what shes doing itll be fine.... we sell knives on there all the time she just doesnt put pictures and calls them something else on the listing to get around fb/ebays policies :)
LIKE. HELLO. THATS NOT BETTER. YOURE COMMITTING MULTIPLE CRIMES. *AS YOUR JOB.* and she was just like "its not a big deal she knows what shes doing." folks, this is the same aunt that, very illegally, paid me to sort through her clients confidential tax documents and bank records and stuff. because she works for a bank. and took the records home to sort them. i dont think she DOES know what shes doing, actually!
#why do both of my parents need to be so impressively incompetent. i like. cannot find the words for how . i feel about this#like. idc about crimes. go forth. be free. but maybe. just maybe. you should not make your job#“hi today i will post about how i am selling illegally possessed objects on a widely used public forum”#dont do crimes STUPID. yanno.#in other parent news. its now like. month 6 or so of dad refusing to get his insurance reinstated.#hes been on the same step (taking his paystubs to the dhhr office) for like 3 months?#anyway apparently he found out today/last night that when he was a kid he was diagnosed with gastroparesis !#which is like ! cool! you have a diagnosis AND ive been living with that for 16 years and can help you 🥰#but we were sitting there with mom (this was right before the knife thing) and she was like “well you gotta get your insurance now so you#can get on the right meds“ and dad was like yeah ill go....#and mom was saying well go in the morning when they open etc etc and he was like i will#and i pointed out that just two weeks ago i told him that too. and he didnt want to. bc hed lose money due to not being able to work#and mom was like well he doesnt work at 8am. and i was like yeah i know but i told him to go at 8am two weeks ago and that was his response#and then he proceeded to claim that this whole time he didnt know they opened at 8am.#folks. he doesnt start working until like...usually 10 or so. WHAT GOVERNMENT OFFICE DOESNT OPEN UNTIL 10.#PLUS. WE LIVE IN A RURAL HOUR. *BUSY* TAKES LIKE AN HOUR. MOST OF THE TIME YOURE IN AND OUT WITHIN 20 MINITES.#ive been fucking considering PAYING HIM to go get it.#and then he claims he didnt know it opened at 8am. when i have told him that. MULTIPLE TIMES.#WHY DO THEY HAVE TO BE LIKE THISSSS THEYRE THE MOST IMMATURE ADULTS IVE EVER MET AND THATS IMPRESSIVE!!!#IVE KNOWN PEOPLE WHO PAY THEIR RENT IN COKE OR WHO ARE ESSENTIALLY PROFESSIONAL PARTIERS. AND *THEYRE* MORE RESPONSIBLE AND MATURE THAN MY#PARENTS. SO WHAT GIVES.#also theyre 50 like cmon yall. youre not even 20 or 30. i think you should know how to not like. get your job shut down or die of lack#of medication.#did i tell yall one of the times a few months ago i was nagging dad abt getting his insurance#his response was literally. no exxageration.#he was like oughhh i dont wanna see doctors because then theyll find out somethings wrong with me#and ill have to go on a bunch of medication.#and then he actually for real. said.#“being on too many medications killed my grandma”#even mom was like cmon man. thats not even true. they misdiagnosed her and put her on WRONG meds. she wasnt even on that many.
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Kaeya is rather touch averse, cringing away from casual contact people give him under the guise of being distracted or idle movement. He's used to it, the Ragnvindrs and Adenlinde got him used to frequent affectionate physical contact, but it can still be entirely Uncomfortable if he's touched by someone outside those he is close to or someone he's otherwise Allowed to touch him.
#hc; kaeya#//Mentioned before; but am Elaborating on other aspects since Aven get brain juices flowing for this#//Unlike Aven; he's FAR more tolerable of people who touch him unprompted. & more willing to indulge for himself outside his comfort people#//Unless he himself had actively given the indication he doesn't want it; in that case THEN he's likely to anger & retaliate#//But yeah; his response is usually Discomfort & trying to get away from it one way or another. Can tolerate it to appear friendly; sure#//But would rather not want people to touch him so easily. Is decently okay with brief touches tho; like shoulder pats or the like#//Will actively lean into it & encourage further touching ONLY as a means to an end; adjusting any wandering hands only when going too far#//Esp if he can use that like a carrot on a string–if they concede to what he wants; they can touch him more. Maybe MORE than just that too#//He won't initiate any touch unless he deems it Absolutely Necessary; WILL internally scream if they Immediately reciprocate the contact#//Uses it as a 'reward' sometimes; a little pinch of the cheek; a hug; getting right into their space; if he sees they'll react favorably#//Maybe more if they have connection enough; like Huffman or one of his longer-running liaisons. Is p ok w/ sleeping w/ them as reward#//Sometimes he forgets some people don't like that he does this; like Rosie. Tries the tactic to get a favor then Remembers#//Absolutely apologizes; feels mortified when she scrutinizes him for it. Esp since she'd be one of few ppl who KNOWS just how Averse he is#to it in the first place. Him slipping up like that in front of HER is smth he'd STRESS over. She could hold over his head for all he knows#//How can he even joke abt it? Worse if she asks abt his way of doing things or indicate she doesnt Like that he uses himself as bait#//Has absolutely accidentally tried to seduce/bait sb like that who he absolutely should Not have. Like Jean. Ended up playing it off like#a joke between friends; but damn near had a panic attack from the guilt the moment he was safely in his office. bc Jean is SPECIAL to him#could he treat her like THAT? How could he almost let her SEE that side of him? His casual charm and facade are ONE thing#//But him actively doing something like THAT; esp for Jean of all people; is COMPLETELY off-limits; no matter his feelings#//Actually; especially BC he harbors feelings for her. Ppl like Lisa on the other hand; he is VERY comfortable doing this with/to#//She GETS the flirty habit & dishes it back without losing image of him in the way someone he regards at Jean's level possibly could#//And as far as Lisa knows; it's Only a playful habit; not a means to an end. The ones who prolly Know might be certain folks in the church#//But that's just bc he gets frequent checkups after every lil Rendezvous of his. Which is why he's got dirt on Every Single Person There#//Except Barbara; but he absolutely makes SURE she's not the one he's dealing with whenever he goes. Wants to spare her his messes#//Damn; veered a little but it's alright. 'A little'; HA. Nah; my tags are but the cluttered corkboard of my thoughts jhdbfjdf#//Diluc; Addie & Jean are the people he most Fears finding out abt his methods. Doesnt wanna THINK abt how they'd feel/regard him after tha#//Knows for SURE it'd be painful if the way they treat him changes even a SLIGHT. ESP Addie; he can bear the other two; but Addie???#//Nah; he'd be fucken DEVASTATED. That's the ONE person he knows hold true unwavering unconditional love for him; no matter what#//To do anything to damage that? He'd be so fucken GUTTED. He expects everyone to get fed up with/disdain him at some point. But not HER#//Keeps this shit on the down low by always having dirt on the people he gets Involved with; if not using keeping it up as an incentive
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