#or shitty daytime tv talk shows

[xipe-slayground]

One nice thing about the strike is not having to see actors do that stupid clown dance for studios where they have to read comments on the internet off of note cards or tablets and attempt to make jokes about it for The Parasocial Fandom Engagement™.

When the actors come out of strike can we go back to promo where the actors tell really interesting industry stories while the talk show host doesn't say shit? I miss that stuff.

[little-miss-dilf-lover]

May I please request a part 2 to “One of us”? Where she’s grappling with the weight of having killed someone (though it was out of defense), and Tangerine (and Lemon) are there for her? Y/n asking them if she’s a “bad person”, and the Twins reminding her that what she did was out of defense, whereas they kill for a living, etc? Tangerine cuddling close with her? The Twins honestly wishing they could bring the evil man back to life so that they could kill him themselves

hii, I wasn’t actually planning on making a part 2 but you made me want to. thank you for requesting, hope you like it💌

one of us (part 2)

tangerine x fem! reader

wc || 0.7k

warnings || mentions of guilt after k*lling abductor

masterlist + rules

taglist

part 1

You had now been living with Tangerine and Lemon in their home in the countryside for about two months now, and they’ve done nothing but treat you as one of their own. They’ve been so kind and considerate to you; feeding you, buying you things and just generally all round sweet.

The nights wouldn’t always be easy though, often having nightmares and awful reoccurring thoughts. Fortunately, your room was right next door to Tangerine’s and across from Lemon, so you knew that if you needed them, they’d be right there. As Tan was quite a light sleeper, he’d usually hear you stirring in your sleep, more often than not barging into your room to check on you. Sometimes you’d be too frightened to sleep, so Tangerine would make a bed on the floor beside you and talk random nonsense to help you drift off.

Not only was sleep a bit of a struggle, but you also had grave difficulty managing the guilt after the incident. It was self-defence, but you couldn’t quite grasp the fact that you had actually killed someone. You felt debilitating responsibility for taking a life, no matter if they deserved it or not.

You don’t have much to do in the day other than watch tv or spiral in thought. Tangerine and Lemon were decreasing their time at home, slowly easing you into them going black to work again. You missed their company terribly, but you knew they’ve already done so much for you and couldn’t expect them to put their work lives on hold too.

They had told you this morning before leaving for work they’d be back around noon, so that gave you some sanity.

You felt like you were wasting time, you had spent so many days held captive that it should make you want to go out and do things. But truthfully, you just didn’t have it in you, not yet anyway. Flicking aimlessly through the awful daytime television selection, randomly selecting a shitty reality show. Huddling yourself in the blanket and sprawling out on the sofa to get comfortable.

The show was so mind-numbingly boring, that your brain couldn’t stay interested and drifted off to the same thoughts that you hated.

So emerged in thought, you didn’t hear the front door open or realise the twins standing in the doorway.

“Everything alright?” Lemon quietly asks, not wanting to startle you.

Turning around, you nod once with a saddened smile.

Tangerine gently hits his brother's side, as if to communicate. “Let me get you some tea.” Lemon smiles, leaving the room.

“Still having those thoughts?” Tangerine softly asks, taking a seat beside you.

“Yeah.” You whisper, barely audible.

“Why didn’t you call?” He asks, searching for your eyes.

“I didn’t want to bother you.” You glance away.

“I don’t care what I’m doing, if you need me… you call me, right?” Cupping your cheeks.

“Am I a bad person?” You mumble, closing your eyes.

“Look at me.” He says sweetly. “You are not a bad person. What you did, that was self-defence- open them.” Warmly instructing again. “You didn’t do anything wrong… and we…” nodding to his brother who had just walked in holding a collection of mugs. “We wish that he could come back so we could kill him ourselves. Don’t we?” Exchanging glances.

“Yeah. We wished that we could do it for you… so you don’t have to feel what you feel.” Lemon says sweetly, handing you a mug.

“She thinks she’s a bad person.” Tangerine looks at Lemon as if to tell him your absurd thought.

“No.” His face full of shock and confusion. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“See? If we think that, why can’t you?”

Awkwardly shrugging your shoulders.

“It’s just gonna take time.” Lemon says, snuggling into the armchair opposite.

Tangerine sweetly looks at you, his face silently offering you comfort and security. “Let’s say we watch the rest of this shite.” He jokes, nodding to the tv.

Draping his arm over your shoulder, gently pulling you into his side as he turns the volume back up.

You knew it would take some time to manage the guilt and nightmares, but if you had the twins by your side, you were sure it would be no problem.

@tangerinesgf

@kpopgirlbtssvt

@ch3rries-n-cream

@earth-elemental18

@ashlynhasmanyhyperfixations

@idontknowwhattohaveasmyuser

@thewinterv

@navs-bhat

@ilovetangerinewithallmyheart

@theredvelvetbitch

@randomawesomeperson102

[ollieinoue]

Ogden Thanksgiving. The beginning of the night. [ @jessehart ]

"Oh! Oh my god, hang on," Ollie grabbed the edges of his mom's and Gabriel's shirts pulling them in around him and his dad so the four of them could form a little discussion circle, after he spotted Jesse, and his dad lingering close by. "Okay, so this guy up here-- we hate him, okay?" They all looked behind Ollie, much more obviously than he would have liked. Gabriel the only one being subtle while his parents might as well have been gawking at Jesse and Donovan Hart. "Guys…" Ollie said, putting his hand on the side of his Dad's head and pushing it back, making his parents both laugh. "Come on."

"Do we hate both of them?" His mom asked, "or…?"

"No, that's Jesse. We're really good friends. We hate his dad," Ollie said, nodding his head.

"He's on the television," Gabriel said, and Ollie nodded.

"Yes! He is! He's got like one of those shitty doctor talk shows," he said if his parents didn't know, which they didn't. Most of their time was not spent watching daytime TV as they were probably working most of the time. But being disabled, and out of work, of course Gabriel probably knew. "So, like be really subtle about not liking him though. Like just be chill, and pretend you don't know who he is, and undercut his ego. That's what I've been doing. Okay?" They all nodded, and Ollie gave a responding nod. Plan made he turned back towards the Hart's and lead his family that way. "Hey bro," He greeted Jesse with a smile, and putting a hand on his shoulder, using his free one to motion to the three people with him. "I wanted to introduce you to my family! I don't think you've ever gotten to meet them before." A lot of people had whether it was when they visited campus, or if they came with Ollie to NYC for one reason or the other, but he didn't think Jesse ever had.

"This is my mom Faye," the small currently blonde and curly headed woman gave a casual nod in Jesse's direction. "and my dad Ren," the tall Japanese man waved with a cheerful smile. "And this is Gabriel Jiménez! He's Sam's grandfather," he added with a bright smile. Like it wouldn't be weird, or a controversial decision at all to bring him along to the school's thanksgiving dinner, held right in the commons. Like he wasn't doing it to send some sort of message -- whatever that might be. "I don't know if you ever really met her, but…" he said, waving his hand in dismissal. Though that was a lie. Sam said her and Jesse were friends, of course how good of friends was probably up in the air, but they had known each other, and she did consider him a friend (she considered everyone a friend). Either way Ollie thought it was probably a bad idea to draw any connections between Jesse and Sam in front of Jesse's dad.

"Everyone this is my friend Jesse!" He said, smiling brightly, then moved his hand in the direction of Jesse's dad. "And this is Jesse's dad -- uhm," he held his hand out in the direction of the older man, pausing for a few beats, like he forgot his name and was trying to remember it. "Mr. Hart -- I'm sorry I don't remember… Well, I don't think we've ever actually met, anyway." That was not true, he'd definitely done an interview with him before, which definitely went really really badly. But if he was being honest, he didn't really remember many of those details. He'd been extremely high at the time, so maybe he wasn't lying too much there. "I'm Ollie Inoue, one of Jesse's friends, it's nice to meet you!"

[sagevalleymusings]

Ted Lasso is an extremely subtle and nuanced show that we don't deserve and I'm going to defend a character I hate to prove it

So the series finale of Ted Lasso aired last night and I went out of my way to watch it even though I don't have a Hulumaxflix plus account, because I have utterly adored this whole season. I have seen a lot of disappointed fans and negative takes, even outside of the "it's woke now" brigade, and I disagree with pretty much all of the analyses I've seen so far. People are disappointed at the Tedbecca tease that never panned out, they're disappointed Jamie is talking to his dad again, they're disappointed all this stuff they wanted to happen didn't happen, tale as old as time. But I think the issue here is that Ted Lasso is written in the style of a daytime tv comedy while actually being an extremely heartfelt and pained letter to an abusive father that one of our writer was never able to send.

Co-creator and star Jason Sudeikis has gone on record saying the show is about bad dads. And we see examples of this all over the place. Some are more subtle than others.

But the problem with subtle shows is that you have a very wide audience to appeal to. I have seen and dare I say it even enjoyed both Primer and Groundhog Day. But trying to apply the time travel logic of the former to the latter just because they're both time travel movies would be folly. And this is how I feel about Ted Lasso. It has a lot of similarities to a style of show which is usually nowhere near this deep and it makes people expect something of it that it isn't providing. 

How do you know I'm not talking out my ass? Jack Danvers.

I hate Jack Danvers. We get a fucking lesbian for a change and she's an abusive cowardly closeted slut shaming piece of shit.

I love Jack Danvers. Because I knew she was 1) Keeley's financer and 2) a lesbian in under ten seconds of meeting this person, having seen only her shoes.

Jack is quiet and possibly even a little uncomfortable chatting with Keeley in the bathroom. But Keeley's so charming and open that you can't help but appreciate the quiet bonding moment it turns into.

But I've definitely been there. Women are so comfortable talking to each other in the bathroom and it makes me so uncomfortable. There have been so many times I have been made to feel unwelcome in this space and you want to have a chat...  Please go away.

Once it's revealed this is in fact Jack, it comes as a minor shock that Jack is a woman actually. Why is her name Jack if she's a woman?

It's because "my father wanted a boy."

Jack is one of Jason's "bad dad" characters. Which means her actions are a reflection of her childhood environment in a very pronounced way. Slowly but surely, we learn that Jack believes love is conditional.

Jack introduces us to the concept of love bombing and I think because the relationship progresses past that point, the audience is encouraged to forget this, but… love bombing isn't just new relationship energy. It's an abuse tactic. And we're told pretty explicitly that it's an abuse tactic because the person telling us about it is Rebecca, regarding her shitty and manipulative ex husband.

That Jack's relationship starts on this beat is noteworthy, because it sets up the dynamic that Jack believes she can only retain Keeley's affection if she buys it. Why does she think that?

Moving forward, we start to lapse into a false sense of security as Jack loudly proclaims their love in front of the whole office and is planning on showing Keeley off, only to have the rug ripped out from us the second something even slightly bad happens. 

But it isn't Jack's decision to make Keeley read out that apology and then pull funding when she refuses. Not if we're to believe Jack's word on it at least. It was "the board" whoever that is.

Jack peaces out to Argentina before the final shoe can drop, and it displays lastly an absolute cowardice on her part that she didn't even give Keeley the satisfaction of a break up. 

All of this combined makes me realize though that the sudden scrambling retreat is literally the other side of love bombing - we didn't drop that plot point just because we stopped talking about it. The motivations for both actions come from the same place. Jack believes love is conditional. She feels that she must earn Keeley's affection, and sees nothing wrong with withdrawing her own if Keeley doesn't do the same. And also, the actions of her partner reflecting negatively on her means that love can be withdrawn *from her* if she doesn't bow to pressure from those whose respect she's trying to maintain. 

The coming out moments in parallel with this lens are stark. Coming out to the office wasn't just about being open -it was about speed running earning Keeley's love and trust with grand acts of affection. And there are no consequences to coming out to people that far beneath you socially. Jack owns the HR firm that KJPR… might not have? Meanwhile her old college friend does matter. And when Keeley was a successful business woman to show off, that would have been fine. But now that she's part of a scandal? They're just friends. It serves her to come out to the firm in the interest of gaining Keeley's love, and it serves her to keep it hidden from her college friend, to avoid messy questions later that might make her look bad.

With her very name, Jack has been taught that there's a version of herself other people want her to be that she's incapable of reaching. And absolutely nothing we see from her suggests she's worked to unpack that trauma.

Jack is a minor character - a brief love interest in Keeley's life. But her decisions are deliberate and weighty. The good and bad moments are both informed by the same parental trauma, and the writers stick to it. They're true to character, even if it's "bad representation," even if it's not what fans want.

So let's talk about Tedbecca. I will reiterate that this show is about "bad dads" and more broadly about the ways in which who our parents are and how they raised us results in intergenerational trauma that's difficult to disrupt.

Ted and Rebecca are foils for each other. They both have absent fathers (eventually even they both have dead fathers) and they both have emotionally controlling mothers (more on that in a moment). They both are starting a new chapter in their lives because of a divorce, and family is an important component of that divorce. 

And they are both responding to their trauma, especially in early episodes, the way they've always been taught to respond to that trauma. Rebecca schemes vengefully while pretending everything is fine on the outside because she's been taught that the people in her back will not support her. Her mother put up with shitty behavior from her father for years. Then when her father left, her mother turned into a flighty unreliable hypochondriac. She doesn't want to allow Rupert the same power over her, so she reacts like a cornered tiger.

But at the end of the day, what she wants is a family, and in a lot of ways Ted can't give her that. Is Ted going to have one child in America and another in Britain and split his time between the two? Does that sound like the kind of thing Ted would be willing to do? Nor do I think it's what Rebecca really wants because her desire for family isn't just about having a child, but having a stable family unit to come back to, one she didn't really have growing up. Maybe you could see them hooking up, but by the time their relationship has progressed that either of them could have, they've both grown past the desire to do so. Tedbecca isn't endgame because Rebecca needs someone calm and warm and relaxed to come home to, in contrast to her childhood being a parent to her mother, or the cat and mouse dance with her ex husband.

But Ted isn't much better. We see that his father's suicide soured their relationship, but holy crap do I want to talk about Ted's mom.

In every single scene that Ted and his mom are interacting in right up to the blowout fight, she is guilting him into behaving a particular way. She says he "was born nice" but in reality it's obvious that he's extremely used to having to guess at what someone wants and bend his life around that. Ted's mom wants to visit him so *waits around his apartment* until he notices and offers her a place to stay. Ted's mom wants to sleep in the bed while insisting otherwise (but immediately starts having specific plans about what that means re: suitcases don't go on the bed). Ted's mom wants to go to the game and Ted doesn't insist she go, so she sends a text saying she wishes she were there. It is a relentless barrage of emotional abuse.

No wonder Ted is so sensitive to the lies she's telling people, also the whole time. How many fights have they had where he's done something because she asked him to, only for her to turn around and say "I never asked for that" and have that technically be true? And in fact we are explicitly told in the blow out that she responded to her *husband's suicide* by pretending everything was normal.

And then, finally, we get the truth. She's not there because she wanted to visit London (a thing she said explicitly which turns out was also a lie). She's there to guilt Ted into coming home by using his guilt over leaving his son. Is Ted… also a bad dad?

Ted's entire generous, forgiving personality was shaped by these two parents. One, who was a good man despite making what I would say is the only unforgivable act of selfishness, and the other, who is a manipulative woman who demands generosity from the people around her despite never overtly saying such.

Ted isn't just forgiving of Beard because of the guilt and anger over his father's death. He's also willing to go the extra mile for people because he thinks it's his job. 

Ted leaves for Richmond because his wife wants space, but in a lot of ways it's also an act of selfishness. After all, his ex wife says that she didn't want them to take a break, she wanted to know that Ted would fight for their relationship. And he doesn't - in fact he does the opposite. We now have context to know that asking for something without really asking for it explicitly is a trigger for Ted. So he sees what looks like the emotional manipulation of his mother coming from his wife, panics, and runs as fast and as far away from the situation as he can.

That Ted could never be in a relationship with his boss. Tedbecca isn't endgame because Ted needs a relationship where he can be selfish. 

And I think, genuinely, that all of this is intentional on the part of the writers. A relationship with Ted and Rebecca could never have been healthy, because they are the same character, but one of them is fight and the other is flight.

This show is so, so smart. And I think it's absolutely tragic how much of that smartness is missed because we aren't used to shows with this level of carefully crafted nuance. My god, the scene where Nate comes out of his room and the first shot is an all white hallway with absolutely no distinguishing features? My god. The flex of having the characters singing, and you can hear them walking off, Dani is literally getting louder as he gets closer to the camera! That's studio audio because their breathing doesn't line up with the dancing, but it sure sounds like it was recorded on a soccer pitch. I looked up the name of Keeley's form because I distinctly remember the last scene *not* saying KJPR and turns out in a blink and you'll miss it moment, she changed the name to KBPR to honor the fact that Barbara stood by her when Jack pulled funding.1

I could go on and on and on. There's so many moments where the writers just jam packed meaning and nuance to bursting in this show. 

In the "morning after" scene in the series finale, Ted is wearing a KC shirt, specifically a KC Current shirt, which is a women's professional soccer team. That says a lot all on its own for that being the shirt

In fact, Ted wears a lot of KC shirts on the show. He wears Richmond shirts… when he's at work. 

There's a lot more I could say, and maybe even will. I want to give the jamie/keeley/roy OT3 another look from the top at some point. But I just wanted to get something topical out quickly, because good shows deserve to be showered in praise, and I really think the negative publicity on Ted Lasso specifically is an absolute crime. We can't expect to see writers take a chance on something this detail oriented and nuanced again any time soon if we just skip all the nuance and get mad they didn't doll smash our favorite characters together.

[waiting-on-a-dream]

𝐏𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐫 𝟎𝟎𝟐: 𝐊𝐨𝐛𝐚𝐲𝐚𝐬𝐡𝐢 𝐀𝐤𝐚𝐧𝐞

"What kind of shitty place is this? It's so cold."

𝐆𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐥 𝐢𝐧𝐟𝐨

Name: Kobayashi Akane / 小林 茜 (The kanjis for her last name mean "small forest" and her first name means "deep red".)

Status: Prisoner 002

Gender: Female

Age: 17

Birthday: April 16 (Aries)

Height: 167 cm

Blood type: AB

Image color: #C41E3A

Occupation: High school student

Personality: Akane's bad temper is easily noticeable, but she mostly keeps her poisonous thoughts to herself as long as no one tries to talk to her (prompting her to speak her mind). She tends to sit alone wherever she can, staring off into the distance with a stupor.

Sudden movements and physical touches startle her. She instinctively reacts with anger at that, so it's only natural that people find themselves walking on eggshells around her. If anyone were to point that out to her, she'd just turn her back and walk away.

However, if someone is able to have a conversation with her without pissing her off by some miracle, they'll find that she talks like a normal teenager. Music bands, food, anime. She talks about such normal things that it's hard to guess why she's often so angry.

𝐌𝐮𝐬𝐢𝐜 𝐢𝐧𝐟𝐨

Which canon Milgram song she would cover: MeMe (Take a good look at me; Until you find me; The truth will come to reveal itself; I won’t forgive you if this is happening to me even though I’m right)

Which DECO*27 song she would cover: Dare Datte "Dare Dakke"

If she could cover a song by a different Vocaloid producer, which one would it be: Tokyo Teddy Bear by Neru

Her MV description: Her MV often switches between two places: Her school and her house. In school, bright saturated colours are present as the MV takes place in the summer. In her house, duller cool colours (like green, blue, and grey) are shown.

The MV starts with Akane walking into class, bandages wrapped around her neck and a plaster across her cheek. She wears her winter uniform even though it's obviously summer from the view outside the classroom windows. Her faceless classmates pay her no mind, continuing to talk and laugh in their own little groups. She puts her bag down and takes a seat, proceeding to gaze out the window.

A montage of people in the school ensues. Classmates fooling around during lessons, schoolmates bustling about in the cafeteria, and teachers pointedly looking away from the camera. And finally, the principal by his desk, fingers clasped together and he smiles as the camera pans out from his face. Akane sings about how their faces blur together because they have no eyes.

The camera cuts to Akane in presumably her house, sitting in front of a glowing TV as she eats packaged rice for dinner. The room is littered with trash, a few unopened beer bottles grouped together beside the sofa while opened and empty ones lie sideways on the floor. Akane takes another bite. The camera cuts to her eyes, reflecting the light of the glowing TV screen.

The camera cuts again. It's daytime now, Akane turns in a blank Japanese exam paper. The teacher yells at her. She rolls her eyes.

The next shot is of her seemingly walking home, a plastic bag filled with beer bottles in one hand. She reaches her house and unlocks the door. The door opens to show a man lying by the sofa, snoring and drooling slightly. Akane puts the bag down. The MV ends.

𝐕𝐨𝐢𝐜��𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐬

-- 𝐈𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐨 𝐯𝐨𝐢𝐜𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐬

(Annoyed) Ah? I'm Kobayashi Akane, 17 and a high school student. You'll decide if what I did was right or wrong, huh? (Sinister) In that case, make sure you go through all the evidence very, very carefully.

(Enraged) W**t's *r*ng? Th** i* w*a* y*u **se*v*!

-- 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐯𝐨𝐢𝐜𝐞 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐥𝐞𝐫

Why are you looking at me like that?

𝐓𝐫𝐢𝐯𝐢𝐚

Her favourite colour is hot pink.

Her favourite food is red bean bun.

Her favourite animals are pufferfish because they are cute and poisonous.

Her least favourite school subject is Japanese.

She gets cold easily. So she often wears shirts with long sleeves.

𝐀𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐬

I cannot draw. So picrew saves the day once again!

Just want to make it clear that she doesn't have DID despite the songs she'd cover. No need to go down that rabbit hole.

[shield-maiden-of-sherwood]

A Dream Deferred - A Short Story

Summary:

A chorus of crickets fills the night air as Abby trudges through her New York apartment. Little does she know that a fateful encounter with Pete, an aspiring actor, will challenge her pessimistic view of the world and open her up to something new. Yet when success follows Pete, Abby's envy threatens to destroy what could have been. A story of envy, fragility, and hope, this tale will leave readers wanting more.

Part 1 - Not Ideal

The subway rattles and clangs as it speeds down the rail. The sickly fluorescent lighting hurts my already tired eyes, but I continue looking down at my phone anyway as my music plays in my earbuds.

It wasn't exactly ideal given that my head hurt as though somebody had hit me with a sledgehammer, but what are you gonna do? You make do. At 5 AM, I was on my way home from yet another late shift at the Old Tar Bar where I worked as a bartender. Another situation that wasn't ideal. I had no idea why the place was called "Old Tar" and quite honestly, I didn't care to find out. It was only a necessary evil. Bartending at night gave me the freedom during the day to work on my life's work. Like many of my fellow delusional creatives, when I had money, I packed up my stuff and moved across the country, leaving the comfort, or I guess lack thereof, of my home in Colorado for the bright lights and dirty streets of New York in hopes of making a name for myself as a writer.

Listen, I wasn't entirely delusional. I wasn't expecting to become an instant success or anything. I know better. But did I want to strike it big like Stephen King and write something so good that it was made into movies or a tv show? Of course. Did I think I would become famous and rich beyond my wildest dreams? Probably not but you can bet your ass I would try. 

Like the others, when I first arrived in New York, I found the cheapest studio apartment I could find. It wasn't easy and, if I'm quite honest, I'm not even sure how I found the antique building tucked away behind some Russian deli place that always reeked of salami. It wasn't the most glamorous place but I knew that this was the way to do it; Pay my dues and all that shit. Apparently, this place was practically a right of passage for new transients looking to make it big as each apartment was filled with some other young, and some not-so-young, hopefuls.

Each floor has about twelve inhabitants, with six on either side of the ancient stairwell separating them, and a bathroom on either side, with each side sharing one bathroom. Each floor, I found, contains different types of hopefuls. On my floor, there are two musicians, three actors, one makeup artist, and another writer. My side of the floor consists only of an annoying actor by the name of Pete and the makeup artist, Yuri. Yuri isn't too bad. Like the rest of us, she holds down a daytime job while honing her craft after work, and taking up random gigs on her weekends to gain experience. She works at some big-name makeup store, giving makeovers to tweens and Karens, but I can't remember which one. 

Shortly after I had moved in, we ran into each other in the cramped mailroom on the ground floor at the entrance. I was struggling to open my mailbox with the shitty key the landlord had left in a stained envelope tucked under my apartment door. She came over and showed me the stupid little key jiggle I had to do to get the key to cooperate. Long story short, we got to talking and she invited me over for coffee.

Our other neighbor, Pete, was a bit more of a nuisance with his frequent visitors occupying our only bathroom every morning, usually hungover. It was usually this time I would be impatiently waiting outside the bathroom door with my toiletries, anxiously glancing at the time on my phone while he would saunter out of his apartment, hair askew and wearing nothing but some worn plaid boxers and a lazily tied bathrobe, as he went to check the mail. He'd return as his guest exited the bathroom, clutching her various items to her chest as she muttered an apology before scuttling past me. They never returned to his apartment, as he would head back inside and shut the door behind him with little regard for anybody else. When Pete wasn't out auditioning for various minor roles or out prowling the night clubs for new "talent" (as he so charmingly referred to them), he was a waiter. He wasn't a good one, however. By the time I moved into the building, he had already been fired six times from various restaurants across the city. How he kept getting hired was beyond me.

The rocking of the subway makes my eyelids feel heavy, but I try my best to remain awake. Though I am the only one in the car, I have learned early on that it is always wise to stay awake, especially when traveling alone. You never know when somebody else might suddenly appear and catch you unawares. That has happened once, but I don't care to talk about it, and we'll leave it at that – just don't.

Luckily, we slow as we reach my stop. With a sigh, I rise from my seat and wait as the doors slide open before making my way back up to the surface. I am lucky, I guess. The subway station is a block away from my building, which is good since my legs are killing me, as they always do when I stand around for hours on end, listening to the drunken mumbles and stories of regrets and lost loves that frequently come with a couple of drinks in a dimly lit bar. 

The door to the building, a thick, antique-looking thing, creaks loudly as the old hinges protest. During my short walk from the subway, I think about checking my mail, but my body seems to be on autopilot as I trudge past the wall of mailboxes and up the stairs. Like the others on my floor, my apartment is very modest with a large, single room. As it's just me, I don't have any issues with it. In fact, I think it's easier since everything is close by. My full-sized bed, which I got from a Facebook marketplace ad for a cheap twenty dollars, sits against one wall, opposite my small kitchenette. In between the kitchen and what I guess you could call my "bedroom" is a threadbare sofa that I found on the curb the day I moved in. It served as my bed for the first month, but after waking up sore and feeling bruised every day, I paid the twenty and got some sheets and blankets from a nearby secondhand shop. It's not much, but it's home.

I once read that "inconsistency is a writer's greatest enemy". They explained to me that, like for athletes, the brain was a muscle, and like with any muscle, it needed to be worked otherwise it would atrophy. Because of this, every night, no matter how tired I was when I got home, I brewed some coffee, sat on my couch, and wrote as much as I could before I was no longer able to keep my eyes open. With money being tight, I couldn't afford a TV. At least, not if I wanted to be able to eat. I tried to tell myself that it would only be a distraction anyways.

When I left Colorado, I had been living with my mother recently. She had a habit of disappearing for days, sometimes weeks or months, leaving me to my own devices. Most of the time she'd be out with one of her poor choices of men, but she somehow convinced them to pay for our streaming services even though she was never home to watch them. I guess she figured that if she was going to be absent, I should at least have something to entertain me. She didn't count on not paying her electric bill and rendering the service basically useless. Once the electricity was shut off, I gathered the little money I had saved from my old part-time job after school and occasional babysitting gigs, then I quickly left. Now, I have only my writing and streaming platform on my phone to entertain me.

As I climb the stairs, I'm so exhausted that I don't even notice the light above flickering as it usually does. It's that type of tiredness where nothing seems real and time seems to stand still. This time, as I trudge through the door to my half-empty apartment, I don't even bother taking my earbuds out of my ears before flopping face down onto my bed, and I pass out immediately. So much for exercising my brain.

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5

[honeystwiggypeach]

Letters on birthdays

Dad!Eddie x Mom!Reader

Dad!Eddie masterlist!!

Tw: Pregnancy, Eddie thinks his letters are poorly written, talking of being alone/lonely(kinda?not in an angsty way!!),light mentions of hospital stay, reader cries happy tears, tons of fluff!!

You don’t even know how it began or why it began, you just know it did. When you were pregnant with Lucille the last few weeks of your pregnancy you spent on the couch watching random daytime tv programs mainly game shows or dating shows, silly little shows that if anyone ever asked you’d say you hated. You spent those same last few weeks by yourself, not because Eddie was at work or anything actually quite the opposite with school coming to an end Eddie had more free time than ever, but he began to lock himself in Lucille’s nursery leaving you to watch the shitty shows alone because even when you’d knock on the door he’d just shout, “I’m busy” which was odd, normally Eddie wouldn’t leave your side especially after the two of you found out you were pregnant.

One of those nights he ran out of her nursery holding a sheet of paper and ran to the couch sitting beside you as he shoved it towards you telling you to read it.

The contents of the letter was a sweet little note telling future Lucille how excited Eddie was to be able to hold her after waiting so long and that he was hoping she’d have your nose but he’s sure that she would be perfect no matter who she looked more like(she looks more like Eddie😭) he tells her of all the exciting plans he has for her in the future and just how much he can’t wait to show her off to everyone and how they’ll all be jealous of him since he’ll have such a pretty wife and cute baby.

You have tears in your eyes once you get to the end of Eddie’s letter and he looks at you with wide eyes, “I knew it was bad” he throws his head back.

“Eds it’s beautiful” you sniffle a bit, “one of the best things I’ve ever read.” He smiles happily flipping the page over showing you what was on the back.

On the back was one of those cute and sweet little songs that he’d spent a few weeks creating, so when he’d mess up on the letter he’d take a go on the lyrics vice versa. You nearly bawled your eyes out that night when you’d woken up due to some nightmare and heard Eddie singing and humming quietly.

You moved your hand over on the bed expecting him to still be laying next to you but when you heard a quiet, “hold on Lucy, your mama heard us” you thought you were gonna melt from how sweet the little interaction was.

You peeked down to see a lump under the covers, Eddie was laying with his head next to your bump his legs hanging off of the bed as he kicked them back and forth. Slowly he bag a singing and humming for Lucille again, his voice filled with adoration for his precious daughter.

You slowly moved to peek under the blanket to see Eddie holding his flashlight at your belly laying with his arm under his head as he stared with such love filled eyes at where Lucille’s little feet and hands would kick and push at your belly.

You wanted to cry when you came out the hospital bathroom to hear him humming to Lucille the same song he had curated for her, all you could think in that moment was how perfect the song was for her.

On the weeks leading up to Lucille’s first birthday Eddie went through the same process of hiding away in her nursery until it came time for her to be put down for a nap than he’d move to the kitchen floor papers scattered everywhere as he’d scrawl down a few words before skipping on to another paper.

Every year Lucille would get a precious letter and a song dedicated to her that captured just how much she meant to both you and Eddie.

Tags~ @miracleboysel @jessyballet @reticent-writer @eddie-munsons-chick

[castielcommunism]

fic recs

Alright let’s goooooooo. All of these are deancas to varying degrees, and most of them are one-shots. idk what technically counts as “underrated” in a fandom of this size but I tried to include fics that need waaay more attention than they’ve gotten.

Same Ghost Every Night | 3.0k | G

Purgatory fic!!! I have so much trouble finding good purgatory fic (if you have recommendations please hit me up). This is Cas POV. He listens to Dean’s increasingly desperate prayers each night and is sad about it. Very tasty.

Angels Americana | 2.2k | T

There is an ANGEL in our MOTEL ROOM, DEAN. Hoooooly shit this fic. It perfectly captures the spirit and aesthetic of season 4 - the title says it all. A biblical apocalypse is the backdrop to shitty motels and long stretches of driving. I quite literally cannot recommend this story enough. Sam gets mad that his brother is rotting the brain of an angel of the lord with daytime television. deancas is only very briefly mentioned and not the focus of this fic, but the prose and atmosphere are worth reading this fic regardless. If you want to experience the immaculate vibes of late kripke era without having to rewatch the show then read this.

HOW TO: BUILD A MAN | 1.8k | T

I am very particular about gender dean fics, and this one absolutely nails it for me. I was nodding along the entire time. many so true besties were uttered. the deancas banter in this is the icing on the cake.

The Future | 1.5k | G

quick and fun post-canon fic where dean and cas open a bar together. jo comes in and calls dean old. it’s very good.

Unsound Inverses | 27k (and counting) | E

Do you like extremely dysfunctional deancas? Are you a messy bitch who lives for drama? This fic is for you. The tags on this fic are no joke so read all of them. it’s very angsty, and you will want to hit Dean with a broom and also wrap him in a blanket and ask him if he’s okay, champ. This fic is maybe the most authentic recreation of Dean’s various mental health problems as seen on TV that I’ve read, and if you’ve ever had to deal with any sort of mania/high octane nonstop thoughts then this may be difficult to read, but I promise it’s worth it. 

Small Violences | 12.3k | E

This is a two-parter. It’s also very angsty, and criminally underrated imo. Mind the warnings on the fic as well (it’s tagged as mild dubcon but it isn’t really, it’s more so just miscommunication and repression shenanigans). dean and cas fuck and then don’t talk about it for like a month. it’s dysfunctional drama with a happy ending. My pitch for it is this line, which I have not been able to stop thinking about:

“I said I didn't want it,” Cas grinds out, “if it would be like this.”

root/offspring | 2.4k | G

Dean reads John’s journal and every time he does something changes in it. This is not a horror fic, but it has some very good unreality vibes to it that I enjoyed a lot.

walking on a string | 2.7k | M

RUN, DON’T WALK TO READ THIS FIC. This is set in s6, Cas takes some time off from losing a war in heaven to fuck Dean silly in various motel rooms. If you want tender deancas and off the shits angel stuff, read this and sign out of AO3 so you can give it kudos twice.

you’re holy to me | 5.1k | E

this is EXQUISITE cas pov. dean is overcome with lust for cas during a hunt. very explicit smut, if you’re looking for that then it’s extremely good, but my favourite thing about it is cas’ text conversation with jack at the end. also some very good dean praising cas during sex, which does not come up in fic nearly as often as it should.

light upon the water | 7.0k | G

dean and cas console jack after a nightmare. It’s very canon compliant and tackles what happens in s13 in what I think is a very even handed way without being overly depressing or damning.

the hand of your lover | 1.7k | T

VERY UNDERRATED, go give this lots of kudos. this is established relationship deancas. it’s very domestic and sweet, cas goes to the grocery store and dean cooks dinner. what more could you ask for.

Fair Weather Flying | 2.1k | G

this is the third time serenityfails is appearing on this list because I love their stuff sooo much. Dean and Cas go to a county fair and hang out. It’s pre-relationship but the pining is very sweet and it’s a fun time all around.

Dean Winchester Really Needs To Make Some Gay Friends | 2.2k | M

Exactly what it says on the tin. Dean muses about his gay feelings towards various men and Cas is NOT jealous at all about it.

[awarrows-clintbarton]

11 for winterhawk pls

Goon Squad

11. Say Yes to the Dress Pairing: Winterhawk Word Count: 650 Rating: T

Daytime television sucked. Straight up it was the pits and worse than what was on between two and eight am. So, settling on the first half-decent program that was on for an extended period of time was Clint’s only hope for surviving his exile from SHIELD. After Lucky hid his leash and ball, making it abundantly clear he did not want to go for another walk or play more ball. Traitor.

Clint was hanging upside down off his couch, knees hooked over the back. The dulcet tones of brides firing squads picking apart dresses blaring in the background, eyes flicking between the TV and his blank phone screen. Natasha, Coulson, and the others were banned from speaking to him because of the current investigation. Being framed for selling SHIELD secrets was shitty, especially when it came with your very own SHIELD goon squad to follow you around 24/7. This was like day three? Four? Ten? Hell, Clint didn’t know. At the rate things were taking at SHIELD, he’d trade places with any of the brides in a heartbeat. Getting picked apart and critiqued about a bunch of white dresses that all looked vaguely similar. But then again, this was like his eighth episode of it in a row, and he was watching the TV upside down. So the dresses were bound to all blend into one big mass of white lace and tulle.

What are you working on? CB

Something. JB

Clint rolled his eyes at the response to the text he had sent to Bucky several hours earlier. Something. He used to love somethings. Frankly, Clint wasn’t even sure if he and Bucky should be talking. Was he even back in SHIELD’s good books? Was he like a full-time Avenger like the others? Was Bucky an agent? Clint didn’t know. Wow, there was a lot he didn’t know, and it was only eleven o’clock in the morning.

OOO mysterious as ever. ;) CB

Nothing. Silence. He just got ghosted by a super-assassin again. An hour later Clint tried again, this time he was just typing the first thing that came to mind, and he didn’t think it through first. Not that he did much of that before. But less so now.

You know, you’d think the bride’s moms would be the most critical, but some bridesmaids are horrendous. CB

Hey, you know some people make wine at home? Maybe I should take up winemaking? CB

Yeah, I could use the corner of the bathroom. CB

Barton. JB

Barnes. CB

Turn off Say Yes to the dress. JB

Clint’s eyebrows shot up, and he attempted to sit up and look out the window, but he unhooked his legs too soon and effectively dropped himself off the couch onto his head wedged between the coffee table and couch. Rolling off to the side, Clint’s heels hit the floor with a heavy thud as he rolled up onto his feet and stood in front of the window peering out. Blue eyes darting from building to building. Covering every vantage point he knew existed from that window that his couch and TV could be seen from.

Smooth Barton. JB

Perv. CB

Why didn’t you say I was that something you’re working on? CB

You’re a lot more than just a something doll. JB

There was nothing that Clint could do to stop the warming blush in his ears from the pet name. He wished someone said that Bucky was part of his goon squad. Even if it pissed him off to know that Fury would have his boyfriend keep tabs on him. Though maybe Bucky doing it from afar was a small mercy. So not all bad, right? Right. No. Maybe? Yeah, maybe.

Soon goon squad, huh? CB

No. JB

You’re being framed. We all know it. JB

I’m waiting for them to show up. JB

Oh. CB

Well, you could come wait inside hot stuff. CB

[rpf-bat]

When You Wanna Be A Movie Star

Pairing: Ray Toro x Reader

Genre: Fluff

Summary: Written for Gothtober 2020, Day 13. Prompt: “Stigmata.” 

You’re a struggling actress, living in Los Angeles. When an audition doesn’t go the way you hoped, your friend Ray, tries to cheer you up, with a movie night. You tell him he can pick the film - and he immediately chooses Stigmata (1999). 

You jumped up when the phone rang. The caller ID, told you it was the producer of the television series that you’d auditioned for last week.

“H-Hello?” you said hopefully, trying not to sound like you were out of breath, from running across the room. 

“Hi, Y/N,” the Hollywood producer said jovially. “I just wanted to give you a courtesy call today, to let you know that we’ve selected another actress for the part.”

“.....Oh.” Your face fell. 

“Thanks so much for answering our casting call, though,” the man said politely. “We’ll be sure to give you a call, next time we’re seeking new talent.” 

“....Thanks,” you replied, tears welling up in your eyes, as you disconnected the call. You resisted the urge, to throw the phone across the room. 

I didn’t get the part, you thought miserably. I worked so hard to get my audition monologue just right, and it still wasn’t enough. 

You knew that if you stayed home tonight, you’d do nothing but cry about it. It was better to go out, and try and take your mind off it. Feeling in need of emotional support, you called your best friend, Ray. 

You two had known each other, since your second year of film school. But, rather than graduate alongside you, Ray had dropped out, in order to go on the road with his band. His gamble had more than paid off - The Black Parade had recently been certified platinum.

Despite his newfound fame, Ray still always managed to make time for those that knew him before he got ‘big’. He picked up on the second ring. 

“Hey, Y/N,” he said warmly. “How are you doing today?”

“Not so good, Toro,” you confessed. “Would it be alright with you, if I came over, and hung out tonight?”

“Sure, I didn’t have any plans,” Ray replied. “What did you have in mind?”

“Well, it’s almost Halloween,” you pointed out. “How about a horror movie night? You can pick whichever movie you want, I don’t care.”

“In that case,” Ray suggested, “how about Stigmata?”

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

You showed up on his doorstep, later that night, a few bags of microwave popcorn in hand. 

“Hi, Y/N,” Ray smiled, opening his door for you. “Thanks for bringing the snacks! Come on in.” 

You walked into his spacious living room. His television was twice the size of yours. You couldn’t wait to see Patricia Arquette’s hands bleed in super-high-definition. 

“Out of all the horror films you have on tape,” you asked, raising an eyebrow, “you really want to watch Stigmata?”

Compared to other titles in Ray’s vast collection, like Friday The 13th or Dawn Of The Dead, you thought that Stigmata was kind of obscure. It had done decently well at the box office, when it first came out, but critics had panned it. 

“Well, I’ll always have a soft spot for Stigmata,” Ray confessed, “because you were in it.”

“I was barely in it,” you recalled. “I was just an extra, in the background. I didn’t even have any dialogue.”

“Still, it was your first role ever,” Ray remembered fondly. “You were so proud of yourself, when it first came out, you made everybody from school, go to the theater, and see it.” 

“Yeah,” you laughed. You’d thought, at the time, that it would be the beginning of your success story. Instead, over half a decade later, you were still struggling to get gigs. You’d had no choice, but to supplement your income, with a stereotypical barista job. 

It was Ray, who had actually become someone important. 

He sat down on the couch, patting the seat beside him. 

“Are you ready to get spooked?” he grinned. “I’ll go pop the popcorn, if you get the VCR started.” 

“Sure,” you nodded, taking the VHS tape, from his outstretched hand. You were surprised that he still had a VCR. Over the last few years, DVD had quickly become the primary format for new film releases. Then again, Ray was an old-fashioned guy - most of the films he liked were classics.

You popped the tape into the VCR slot, and sat back down on the couch. He sat down beside you, a bowl of freshly popped corn in his hand. You dug your hand into the bowl, and dumped a handful of salty, buttery comfort food in your mouth, as Ray pressed play. 

The film opened with Gabriel Bryne’s character, watching a statue of the Virgin Mary, cry tears of blood. 

“Did you know he won a Razzie Award, for Worst Supporting Actor, for this film?” you scoffed. 

“Aw, did he really?” Ray laughed. “Poor dude. He tried.” 

“He was actually a decent guy,” you recalled. “He wasn’t too snooty, to talk to all the extras, who were filming this scene with him.” 

“Oh, look, there you are!” Ray said excitedly. He hit the pause button, freezing the frame. Bryne’s character, Father Andrew, was walking through a bustling Brazilian marketplace. The you of six years ago, stood behind him, playing the role of a nameless shopper. You were looking down, scrutinizing a piece of fruit that was for sale. 

“Yeah, blink, and you’ll miss me,” you said, rolling your eyes. “I was in this movie, for a whole thirty seconds.” 

“Every time I watch this movie with the guys,” Ray confessed, “I point those thirty seconds out.”

“Do you really?” you blinked.

“Yeah,” Ray chuckled. “I’m like, look, there’s my friend! Isn’t she cool?”

“I’m not cool,” you frowned. “Ray, I’m not even cool enough, to get a part, on some stupid daytime soap opera.”

“Is that what you were upset about, when you called me earlier?” Ray realized, frowning. 

“Yeah,” you sighed. “I thought I did really good, at my audition. But, I guess I blew it.” 

“It’s okay,” Ray assured you, giving you a supportive pat on the shoulder. “I’m sure you’ll knock your next audition, out of the park.” 

“No, I won’t!” you said glumly. “Ray, I’ve been trying to get famous for years now, and I’m no closer to my goal, than I was the day I started.” 

“Fame isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, okay?” Ray grumbled. “Last week, I was super sick. Like, coughing up a lung….” 

“Oh, no,” you interrupted, “are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine now,” Ray assured you. “My point was - I was feeling like absolute crap, and I just wanted to get some NyQuil, take it, and go to sleep. So, I’m standing in the cold and flu aisle, at the drugstore, and of course, this girl in a My Chemical Romance shirt comes up to me.” 

“Yikes,” you groaned. “She wanted an autograph?”

“Yeah!” Ray nodded. “I was like - really? Right now?!” 

“Did you tell her no?” you wondered. 

“Nah, I signed her thing,” Ray confessed. “But, honestly, I hate getting recognized in public like that, when I’m just trying to go about my business.” 

“You could have paid somebody to go to the store, and get the NyQuil for you,” you pointed out. 

“I mean, I could afford to,” Ray admitted. “But, I really don’t want to do that. I just want to be….a normal guy. Like I used to be, when we lived in New Jersey together.” 

“You’re not that guy anymore,” you frowned. “You’re the guitarist of one of the most popular bands on the planet.” 

“I don’t care about popularity,” Ray shrugged. “I just like making music.” 

“It’s not fair!” you snapped. “You have all this notoriety, and you don’t even want it! Meanwhile, I’ve always dreamed of becoming a Hollywood star - a household name. But, my biggest claim to fame, so far, is some shitty Pizza Hut commercial!” 

“I...I actually really liked that commercial,” Ray said softly. “Every time I saw it on TV, it put a smile on my face.”

“Really?” you asked, raising an eyebrow. “My line in it, wasn’t even that funny.”

“I didn’t like it because of the script,” Ray confessed. “I liked it, because seeing your face, made me happy.” 

“What’s so special about my face?” you asked.

“Well…..it’s a very pretty face,” Ray mumbled, blushing. 

“Wh-What?” you stammered, your ears turning red. “You think that I’m pretty?” 

“I’ve always thought that, Y/N,” Ray whispered, his brown eyes, staring softly into yours. “I don’t love Stigmata, because of the script, or the cinematography, either. I don’t even care, that Billy Corgan did the soundtrack for it. I loved it, just because….I love you.” 

You couldn’t believe what you were hearing. Could Ray actually return, the feelings you’d been keeping secret?

“You mean, you love me….like you love all your friends?” you guessed, trying not to get your hopes up. 

“No,” Ray shook his head, looking away from you, shyly. “Y/N… I mean, I love you, like a man loves a woman. I want you. Like...how Frankie wanted Father Andrew, in the second act of the movie.”

“Doesn’t he reject her advances, because he’s a priest?” you asked, recalling the film’s plot. 

“.....Are you gonna reject mine, too?” Ray breathed, eyes downcast.

“No,” you shook your head. “I sure as hell didn’t take any vow of celibacy, Toro. I want you right back.” 

You leaned over on the couch, and kissed him. He tasted salty, like popcorn. But, his touch, as he gently pulled you closer, was oh so sweet. 

“....I’ve wanted you all along,” Ray confessed, gently kissing you a second time. “I just didn’t know how to ask you, to be mine.” 

“Well, if you’re asking me now,” you smiled, pushing him backwards, into the couch cushions, “then I’m yours.” 

[weedstoner]

I'm watching a vice doc about 90s trash tv and I think there are some interesting parallels with modern day worries about shitty internet content oversaturating the market. like back in the day once daytime talk show hosts realized they could basically clickbait people with headlines without delivering and still get huge ratings it was pretty much no holds barred. but that did die down to a large extent I think. idk just something to think about lol

[firelinphd]

arthur x fem!reader | I’m okay

arthur boyle x reader

female reader

Arthur gets injured during an Infernal attack, and his girlfriend freaks out, as she lost loved ones before.

warning : mention of death

‘’Arthur !’’ (Y/N) said. ‘’Be careful, okay ?’’ The main addressee nodded, before following Shinra. Indeed, the 8th Company was on a mission, having different Infernals at different places. And of course, Shinra and Arthur were paired together once again. (Y/N), the blonde’s girlfriend, was with the other team members, as they still needed someone that could create fire with them.

And even if his girlfriend would tell him to be careful everytime, Arthur was never actually careful. He wasn’t thinking much. He was just jumping right into the danger. Of course he was thinking of (Y/N), but he had never got hurt, and Shinra was here to protect him anyway, right ?

He knew (Y/N) would go crazy if something would ever happen to him. The blonde knew that his girlfriend’s family had died in a fire. Indeed, she wasn’t home ; but apparently a member of her family -she never knew who- turned into an Infernal and since the house got on fire, her siblings and parents all died. That’s why she got raised by her grandparents.

And that’s also why when he actually got hurt for the first time, Arthur knew he had fucked up. Shinra was too busy with the one that had turned the man into an Infernal. However, that Infernal was really conscious, and that meant strong enough to throw Arthur out of the building, during a moment of inattention. Shinra had yelled so bad when he saw his friend falling from almost the top of the building, crashing into a tree before totally landing on the ground. He only wished one thing ; that he would be okay.

That’s why he used as much strength as he could to defeat the creator of the Infernal, before his teammates arrived. Immediately when he told what had happened to the blonde, (Y/N) had rushed downstairs -Arthur had been actually thrown from the other side of the building, so his teammates couldn’t see him from where they arrived.

There was blood. A lot. Too much. ‘’ARTHUR ! ARTHUR, OH MY GOD !’’ She yelled -how didn’t she rip her vocal chords ? ‘’We’re taking him to the hospital, he’s breathing, he’s breathing (Y/N), okay ?’’ Obi tried to reassure her. ‘’I promise he’ll survive, he’s a tough guy.’’ He kept going. ‘’Don’t promise things like that !’’ The girl said, drowning in her own tears.

She actually fainted and didn’t get the chance to drive her boyfriend to the hospital with Obi, Takehisa and Iris. Why ? Well, she got so overwhelmed with emotions and got so stressed that her body didn’t find anything else to do than shutting down. She had lost so many people already, and now him ?

(Y/N) woke up in her room ; it was daylight already. She hoped it was only a nightmare, but when she saw the look in everyone’s face when she ran to the common room, she understood it wasn’t. ‘’Did they... say anything ?’’ She finally asked, after sitting down. ‘’Well, when we arrived at the hospital he woke up for a few minutes, but fell back asleep. He’s not in a coma, don’t worry. They say he has some broken bones, but nothing he won’t-‘’ but it seemed that she wasn’t listening.

‘’(Y/N) ? Do you want to... talk ?’’ Shinra asked. He was actually close to her ; both of them losing their whole household because of a fire. She nodded and quickly rushed in her room. The boy was a bit shy to enter in a girl’s room, but he followed her anyway.

‘’They said he’s going to be okay... and you know Arthur, he’s tough. Actually, the fact that he crashed into a tree first made his wounds less important than if he would’ve directly fallen on the ground.’’ She sighed. ‘’Why do everything happens when I’m not here ? Am I cursed ?’’ Shinra gave her his nervous smile ; it was obviously not the moment to smile at all. However, the girl didn’t point it out. ‘’I think we would be both cursed. I feel guilty I couldn’t save him, (Y/N). I’m so sorry...’’ Shinra said. ‘’I know it’s not your fault.’’

He raised an eyebrow. ‘’Still, I feel guilty. I know we’re not the best of friends, Arthur and I, but at least for you, I should’ve been able to save him.’’ The girl frowned. ‘’Don’t use those words. It sounds like he passed.’’ The boy gulped and mumbled a ‘sorry’.

‘’I can’t fucking... can you believe it ?! My whole family dies when I’m a child, and now the guy I will maybe have a family with gets injured like this ?!’’ She was starting to freak out. ‘’(Y/N), don’t go crazy, they said he’s going to be okay-‘’ but she wasn’t listening. ‘’I told him to be careful ! Why is he never careful ?!’’ She was crying, and that’s why Shinra had the reflex to hug her. He had lived the same thing. And even if he wouldn’t admit it, Arthur was a bit of his best friend.

‘’You’ll have your family, (Y/N). And I promise that, by the time you have one, there won’t be Infernals anymore. We would’ve found the ones who do this, and we would’ve ended them.’’ She frowned. ‘’You all like to do promises in that Company...’’ she muttered. But Shinra wasn’t going to argue with her ; of course in her situation she wasn’t going to be nice. And since he was feeling guilty already, he was sure not going to think her words were inappropriate.

(Y/N) couldn’t sleep for the whole night. Yes, she had woken up during the afternoon. But still, how could she sleep knowing that her boyfriend was almost dying ? Maybe he wouldn’t survive the night, what if he had called for her and she wasn’t here ? What if she was never able to tell him goodbye ? First, her parents and siblings, and now her boyfriend ? Why did she get to survive and escape the danger everytime, while other people were suffering from it ? What did she have ?

But it was already daytime; and her questions still hadn’t find any answer yet. She didn’t want to move from her bed. She wasn’t even able to cry anymore because she had already cried so much and she could feel her dried tears on her cheeks. ‘’The hospital called.’’ She heard. He died. She knew he had. She was bringing death to people she loved.

‘’Arthur has woken up and he asked for you. They cleaned his blood and stuff. He has a cast on his left leg and apparently he has one of one of his arms as well, but he can move it a bit anyway.’’ Maki said. (Y/N)’s eyes widened as she straightened up on her bunk bed. ‘’He’s okay ?’’ She whispered, as if she was having an hallucination.

‘’Arthur wouldn’t die without your permission. You scare him too much.’’ Maki said, smiling, wanting to make her friend laugh. The main addressee, however, didn’t have any time to laugh, as she directly rushed in the bathroom to take a shower and be ready to go. She had to wait for her teammates, and those were the longest minutes of her life.

(Y/N) wasn’t able to eat anything before rushing into the car, and even if Obi was clearly concerned about it, it just made Shinra, Maki and Iris laugh. She was very excited, making her friends happy for her. They knew about her trauma as well, even though she had never told them all the details she had told Arthur.

When they arrived and asked for Arthur’s room, they let (Y/N) run to it alone ; they needed some time together. Of course, everyone wanted to see him. But they could wait 10 minutes, if that could make their friend feel much better. ‘’Oh, is it the girl Mr.Boyle was talking about ?’’ The nurse who told them in which room the blonde was in asked. ‘’Surely.’’ Obi nodded.

The nurse chuckled. ‘’He will be happy to see her. He told us he was happy he survived cause she would’ve killed him a second time.’’ Maki giggled at that sentence ; knowing she was right with her statement from earlier.

Arthur was currently sitting on a armchair in his room, drinking a tea while watching TV. Except his leg that was in a cast and his left arm that had some bandages to maintain it a bit immobile, he looked okay. Oh, he had a bandage around his head, but he tied his hair on purpose so it wasn’t hindering his bruises on his forehead.

When he heard the door being burst open -apparently (Y/N) didn’t care if he was sleeping or not- he turned his head to look at it and smiled, putting his cup on a little table he had next to his armchair. ‘’Hi, baby.’’ He said. And he was lucky he had prepared, with his arms wide open and the cup out of the way, since his girlfriend ran to him, a few tears falling on her cheeks. She looked hesitant, but he patted his lap to show her it was okay to sit there, so she did. He immediately hugged her, not caring about the pain in his left arm.

‘’Noooo, you don’t have to cry, baby. I’m okay, shh...’’ He whispered, rubbing her back and kissing the side of her head. ‘’I’m okay, look ! I wouldn’t dare die on you when you told me to be careful.’’ He had that shitty grin on when the girl looked at him, but she brushed it off. It was her favorite shitty grin ever. Instead, she cupped his cheeks and kissed her boyfriend, making him smile even more into the kiss. When she pulled away, (Y/N) hugged Arthur tightly once again. ‘’I really thought you would die.’’ She muttered.

‘’Nah, the tree reduced my impact. Thank the tree !’’ But that didn’t make her laugh. ‘’But I’m sorry I scared you that much, my love. I promise I will really be careful. I’m so sorry, I’m sure I made you freak out ! I won’t do that again, okay ?’’ She seemed overwhelmed with emotions once again, since the girl didn’t reply much to his promise. ‘’You’re okay, right ? You won’t die ?’’ He smiled. ‘’I’m okay.’’

arthur again but he got requested, okay?????

next up is grown up arthur going to buy bread for his lazy girlfriend but he gets lost and I oop (maybe????)

[buttered-ghost-toast]

OC background story//Secondary Characters

1: i’m aware they’re sorta boring in a sense (literally all 3/4 profile busts lol) but I couldn’t be bothered to get super detailed about them yet. I was trying to work out a look, and this is the quickest way lol. Lots of mistakes here, don’t focus on that. Just...jive with me.

2: idk that anyone is going to be interested, but i’m happy with my little babies! :) This kept me busy lol. 

Long post ahead!

Okay, so the band, Adria was formed sort of by accident. None of the members thought they were really going to get anywhere and were mostly just learning to play instruments and jamming to escape the pressures of adolescent life. 

Niri--her parents were very strict and proper. “Yes, sir. No, ma’am.” type people who do what they can to keep up appearances. Her father is a police detective and her mother was a homemaker after the birth of her children, but was once an attorney. They expected the same level of success from their children, having picked out career paths before the kids were even a speck in the womb. When Niri and her older brother showed excellence in academics, they moved to a new city, enrolling them in an academy that was known for churning out high level success stories--Politicians, Judges, CEO’s of major corporations...you get the drill. They were happy to practically go into debt forever if it meant their kids would be successful. 

Year 1...Enter KOU. 

Kou’s dad was always business first. He expected his son to be the same. So much so that the day after the birth, he went out and bought a whole building to keep for his son, the future doctor, to house his practice. Being from an old money family, there was never a shortage of opportunities to rub elbows and make a way for this kid to be a success no matter what. Through years of primary education, he was a quiet kid, but there was something under the surface that loved to go against the flow of where his life was forced to travel. His mother passed when he was very young, but she was the reason he was able to have few moments of peace and fun. He and Niri were school rivals, fighting for the top spot on the scholar’s board, but...they wound up giving up the struggle when they realized they had a lot in common and neither really cared to pursue their parents’ dreams. They stopped attending after school programs and chose to graffiti and vandalize the building Kou’s dad bought while it was still empty. When they weren’t tagging, they were listening to “inappropriate music” and that soon became them teaching themselves to play the songs on instruments they bought...with Kou’s dad’s credit card. They didn’t sound bad after a while! 

One day, the pair skipped school altogether to avoid an exam they had not studied for. On their way out of the academy, they were tailed by someone they never expected would keep their secret so well...

KRISS

Kriss and Kou are cousins. Their mothers were twins, so the two share a few features, but their personalities couldn’t be any more opposite. Where Kou is a grounded, sensible person, Kriss is carefree and...kind of an idiot. His mother raised him on her own and as a very open, artistic soul, she taught Kriss to always follow his heart and his dreams. He’s basically never been told “No” in his entire life. He was a very energetic kid, so his mother urged him to try out the drums (maybe it would tire him out enough for a nap) which he ended up falling in love with. It’s one of the few things he ever really kept an interest in despite being pretty flighty with his pursuits otherwise. Once he realized what his cousin was up to, he set up a drum kit within a few hours and was glued to their side ever since. 

Kriss’s mom is the only person who really believed in the band from the start. She would be a big help through their early years and to this day has a reserved spot to watch them play shows whenever she wants (usually stage right). 

Did I mention Kriss was part of the percussion section of the academy band? Well, it was more of an orchestra, but still. He felt there was something lacking in their sound during jam sessions so after a few weeks, he called up a few friends. 

Vash

Vash is a complete wildcard. He’s the sweetest person you’ll ever meet, but it takes a while to realize that because his personality is quite...Sharp. He has no problem speaking his mind, never has, and he’s not afraid to call anyone on their BS. Does an expert job of providing entertainment with his outbursts. His first words when he dropped by the “clubhouse” were “so you expect me to play in this shit hole?” His mouth usually got him in trouble at school so he was somewhat happy to have something to occupy his mind so his mouth wouldn’t run so often. He’d been playing music for many many years, his parents both being famous musicians themselves, so he has mastered quite a few instruments and often provides backup vocals because “none of the rest of you dingbats can be trusted to stay on key.”

He is the glue that holds everything together and his honesty keeps everyone grounded. He expects everything to run smoothly and on time, so he was made leader of the band within the first hour. It’s effortless and he keeps his cool pretty well under pressure, but the one person who manages to make him snippy is Eri.  

ERI

Eri is a mess of a human being in the most endearing way. He’s a walking contradiction and he loves to push buttons. He and Vash have been neighbors and best friends since they were born. They’re the Yin to each other’s Yang and act like an old married couple, always  disagreeing on the most basic things. It has never been an issue and the others love to watch a match go down. Where Vash is hands-on and always on track, Eri is laid back and couldn’t care less if something goes wrong. That’s not to say he’s not passionate about their dream, he’s just more of a “Things will happen as they happen, just go with the flow” type. His easygoing nature lends him a very grounded and rhythmic personality...perfect for a bassist. His favorite thing is spending time with friends and being able to just do what his soul calls him to do. He does, however, absolutely hate attention. It makes him feel pressured to act a certain way or do a certain thing and it just clashes with his entire vibe. He broke out in a rash when they got their first major gig and had to do a meet and greet. He loves his fans, but...can they not want pictures all the time? “I look awkward when I smile.” He really does. The boy doesn’t smile, it’s always a grimace. 

Eri’s dad owns a very successful restaurant and often got the band small gigs like birthdays and weddings that he was hired to cater for. He doesn’t understand what they’re hoping to do, but hey, the kids play some mean covers of songs he grew up on. Besides, if his son is happy, that’s good enough for him. 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- For the first few years, they snuck around and the others lied for Niri and Kou when their parents had questions. They couldn’t say they weren’t all hanging out together, so once things got real, they moved their practices to Vash’s house since his parents had all the equipment they needed and didn’t really care one way or another about what was going on, too busy with tours and things.

Once they graduated, it was harder to cover. Niri came clean to her father, her mother having found out shortly before but promising to keep it quiet if she just quit and focused on school. Her father was furious and demanded she cut ties with her “hooligan friends” immediately as she was set to go to college and become a lawyer like her mother. Niri refused and was kicked out of her home after being called a failure of a child. This only fueled her fire to pursue her dream. She called Vash, mostly to cry in frustration, but he met her at the front of her neighborhood saying “I just felt something was up with your dumb self so I came by to check. Good thing I did. Let’s go, you’re moving in with me til we figure all this out.” The two soon became three when they got an apartment with Eri two months later. 

Kou had a similar experience once he told his father he didn’t want to be a doctor and had no plans to attend his father’s alma mater (which he only got into after his father wrote a very generous check being Kou’s grades had slipped to an abysmal level) he was removed from the premises by security, cut off financially, and removed from the will within 2 hours. The only thing he managed to keep (for a while anyway) was his car, so he hopped in and drove over to his aunt’s house and lived there for a while with her and Kriss. 

During this time, they still had small shows coming left and right. One night after a few years of a rough grind with no money and shitty daytime jobs, while playing a local club (that didn’t even pay them by the end of the set), they met a small time producer who liked their sound and asked them to record a demo. The producer played the demo to a group of friends that called a separate group of friends and eventually their little song made it to the ears of a real band who had an unexpected opening in their roster for an upcoming festival tour. Adria got the call and had to scramble to get their set list ready. It wasn’t anything big, just a side stage gig, but the more stops they played, the bigger the crowds they drew. 

When they made it home after several stops, they were met by the producer who found them, asked to record a whole album and from there they filmed a very low budget MV and soon after their first single was playing on the radio. They were asked to appear on small time local talk shows. They spread like wildfire once their second single dropped, played on stations nationwide. More MVs and a headlining tour followed with a second album set to drop. Kriss and Niri were asked to be part of a 6 episode arc on a popular TV drama and a second tour.  It was a tough climb, but they’ve been at it for 15 years. Niri and Kou did go back home at one point and faced their parents, attempting to make amends and build a bridge. Kou and his dad are in a much better place now, the old building they used to play around in was transferred into Kou’s name and they now use it as their recording studio/ band headquarters. 

Niri’s family reunion was a little less of a happy ending, in fact, it’s still a work in progress. Her mother apologized and they cried a little over the years missed, but her dad is a very tough man to get through to. He acknowledged he was harsh in his actions but still feels justified in what he did. He says if it weren’t for his tough love, Niri wouldn’t have felt the need to work so hard to get to this place in her life. He did at least say thank you when Niri handed him a check to cover the hit her parents’ savings took when her brother went to medical school. She has weekly calls and video chats with her mom and her brother often makes it out to shows and sends her snaps when he sees her on TV or hears the band on the radio. Her dad sometimes texts her “Heard your new song. It’s loud.” That’s his way of saying he's giving it a chance and doesn’t exactly hate it.

[justlookfrightened]

I'm torn between 26 and 31 with zimbits. So idk, pick one?

I already posted a response for 31, so this is 26: “It was you the whole time.” Call it angst with an optimistic ending.

Jack knew better than to rub his sweaty palms on his trousers, but it was all he could do to stop himself. Something about being back here made him feel like a kid again. 

Funny how he hadn’t felt young while he was here. Then he felt so much older than his teammates, almost more like one of the coaches. But he’d had so much growing up left to do.

Now, a career and two Stanley Cups later, he could look back at the young man he had been and be grateful for everything Coach Hall had done for him. Grateful enough to come back for Hall’s retirement tribute.

Jack took a breath, opened the door to the alumni center, and stepped into the air-conditioned interior. He was here to express his appreciation to Coach Hall. Sure, some of his former teammates were probably inside, but so were five years of hockey players from before his time and those from eleven years after he graduated.

In the end, Hall was one of the few people from SMH he’d stayed in contact with, emailing once or twice a month, usually inviting Jack to come back at least once each season to meet the new players. 

When he graduated, Jack thought he’d be close to some of his college team his whole life. Shitty, definitely. And Lardo. And Bitty. Of course Bitty.

It was funny; at Jack’s graduation Bitty had said something about not seeing him except on TV. Jack had assured Bitty it wouldn’t be like that. Less than an hour later, Jack had run all the way across campus to find Bitty crying in Jack’s old room, and Jack had kissed him, and it felt so right.

Until Jack’s phone buzzed and he had to leave Bitty right where he found him. Kind of like their whole relationship.

And for the last 10 years, he hadn’t seen Bitty at all — except for once, on television, when Bitty was promoting one of his cookbooks on a daytime talk show, and a few times when Jack looked him up on YouTube. Jack wondered whether Bitty had watched any of his games. Maybe the cup finals?

Jack stopped at the sign-in counter, but before he even found his table assignment, he was corralled by a young man with a Wellie-red tie and a name tag identifying him as Luke, the team manager for the recent season.

“Mr. Zimmermann? If you could step over here, I can go over the program with you,” Luke said, plucking Jack’s name tag from the table and steering him down the corridor. “You won’t need a name tag here, of course, and you’re at the first table with Coach Hall. Coach Murray is going to speak first, and then you’ll present the plaque and say a few words.”

Luke paused and looked at Jack. “Do you have something prepared?” he asked. “About how Coach Hall helped you become the great hockey player you turned out to be?”

Crap. He must really look nervous if Luke — all of 21 or 22 years old — thought he needed coaching on what to say at a retirement party.

Jack forced a smile, patted the breast pocket of his jacket, and said, “I brought some notes. But they’re really more about how Hall helped all the players he worked with grow into the people they were meant to be.”

Because the banquet room was full of men (and women who had worked with the program — he mustn’t forget them) who had graduated and gone on to careers as artists and lawyers, doctors and writers and programmers and cookbook authors, people who made the world a better place. Whisk was the only other Wellie who’d played in the NHL.

“Yeah, that sounds great,” Luke said, already reaching for the plaque that would announce a scholarship in Hall’s name. All the alumni had contributed, and many had been very generous, but Jack was pretty sure he gave the most. It was only fair; Hall took a chance on him and gave him his life back.

Jack peeked through the doors and saw Hall standing near a front table, shaking hands and exchanging greetings. He saw two pairs of large, well-tailored shoulders at the next table, and yes, there was Shitty across from Ransom and Holster. He still had a magnificent ’stache, accentuating the lines that were etching themselves into his face. Lardo, still petite, still looking like she take over the room with one look, was at his side.

The last time Jack had seen the four of them all together had been the morning of Lardo’s graduation. Ransom and Holster’s too, but he got permission to miss morning skate that day to see Lardo and congratulate her before the ceremony, which he had to miss because the Falconers were in the playoffs.

When Jack had arrived at the Haus that morning, he was surprised to have missed Bitty, who apparently left only an hour earlier to catch a flight home to Madison for the summer.

Before Bitty left, he’d made pancakes (warming in the oven), fruit salad and muffins, and chopped vegetables to go into scrambled eggs.

“Well, he actually said to put them in an omelet,” Holster said. “But scrambled eggs are easier.”

“I can make omelets,” Jack had said.

Holster thrust the carton of eggs at him and said, “Sweet!”

“You talked to Bitty lately?” Shitty asked. “Random and Holster say he spent the last semester carving a swath through the eligible dudes of this fine institution.”

Jack was glad his head was buried in the cabinet, looking for the skillet Bitty used to make omelets. The skillet Bitty used when he taught Jack to make omelets. But that was before graduation, even.

“No, I haven’t,” Jack said. “I’m sorry I missed him. I thought he’d be here.”

And that was true. The thought of seeing Bitty with his friends, in his kitchen, was uncomfortable, but Jack figured it was something they’d just have to learn to get past. They’d managed being with their friends when no one knew they were dating; Jack didn’t see why they couldn’t do it now they’d broken up.

“Not that there’s anything wrong with that,” Shitty went on. “I guess I always thought he had eyes for you. Probably better that he got over that, though, since you don’t date guys. At least to the best of my knowledge.”

Jack busied himself cracking eggs so he wouldn’t have to look Shitty in the face when he said, “I doubt Bitty sees me like that, Shits.”

“Not really cool to talk about him when he’s not here anyway,” Lardo said.

“True that,” Shitty said. “I was just trying to decide if I should be worried about the little dude, given the marked change in behavior noted by his most recent captains.”

“The little dude is a 21-year-old grown-ass adult,” Lardo said. “Who doesn’t need you slut-shaming him.”

Shitty sputtered and Jack beat the eggs and the next time anyone talked, it was Ransom announcing that he had taken a job at the same consulting firm that hired Holster. 

Jack had comforted himself then with the idea that at least he hadn’t broken Bitty’s heart, and he went out and scored two goals that night on the Falconers’ way to their first Stanley Cup.

Jack craned his head further around the banquet room door, trying to see if Bitty was at the table with Shitty and Lardo. He knew they kept in touch. The last time Jack had been at Shitty and Lardo’s for dinner, what, almost two years ago now, he’d remarked on Bitty’s third cookbook on the kitchen shelf, and Lardo said, “He couldn’t wait to come over and sign it for us — he was just as excited as when the first one came out. I bet you have the full set too.”

Jack did, because he bought them off Amazon. Not because Bitty was bringing them over and signing them.

“We’re almost ready to start.” Luke was next to Jack, nudging him into the room.

Jack took a breath and stepped in, went to greet Coach Hall, hugged Lardo and then Shitty.

“Retirement looks good on you, old man,” Shitty said. “Way to go out in style with the second cup win, too.”

“Thanks, Shits,” Jack said, hoping Shitty couldn’t see him peering over his shoulder, looking to see who else was there. Looking to see if Bitty was there. “You look good. Lardo too. All of you.”

There was food on a buffet table in the back, next to the bar, and it looked like most people had already eaten. Jack excused himself to get a drink, walked to the bar and looked around the room. Dex and Nursey and Chowder were all there — Bitty’s frogs — and Ford, the manager after Lardo.

Jack got soda water with a lime because alcohol would not improve this situation at all and headed back towards the front table. Chowder waylaid him with a wide smile and a handshake, saying, “We all watched, Jack. I bet they retire your number next year. You were awesome. I was telling everyone at work that I used to play for you, but I think half of them didn’t believe me.”

Chowder hadn’t changed much, Jack decided. He always had a tendency to chatter through any tension caused by Dex and Nursey, who worked together on the ice like one of Dex’s programs (or one of Nursey’s poems), but clashed once they hit dry ground.

They didn’t seem tense tonight, though, leaning back in their chairs and talking idly. Both got up to greet Jack, but less effusively than Chowder.

It was the same as when the three of them came to a Falconer’s game during Bitty’s senior year. They’d bought tickets themselves, which was silly when Jack could get them comped, and then Chowder wrote a painfully polite email asking Jack if he’d want to say hello afterwards. Jack hadn’t paid enough attention to the email, or maybe Chow hadn’t been clear. After the game, Jack had been surprised Bitty wasn’t with the frogs. Wasn’t he always shepherding them around, mother-henning them like they couldn’t find their way home without them?

“No Bitty tonight?” he asked after their initial greetings.

“No, I think he had plans with Drew,” Chowder said.

“Drew?”

“His boyfriend?” Dex said. “The guy from the Daily.”

Like that would help Jack know who it was.

“I didn’t know he had a boyfriend now,” Jack said. “Good for him.”

“It’s kind of sweet,” Chowder said, “if I can say that about Bitty. I think it’s his first real boyfriend.”

“And a little sickening,” Dex said. “But if they keep up with the fines, we might get that new dryer this year after all.”

“You need a new dryer?” Jack said, the same time Nursey sighed, “Young love,” and pretended to wipe a tear from his eye.

“We’ve needed a new dryer,” Dex said. “Like, since before you graduated.”

“I can do that,” Jack said.

“You don’t have to,” Chowder chimed in. “It’s a Haus responsibility.”

“Chowder, I think I’m good for it,” Jack said gently. To Dex, he said, “Let me know what you need and I’ll get the money to you.”

That started Dex off on a tangent about what kind of dryer would be best, and the moment passed.

Jack knew Bitty hadn’t told anyone about their relationship — that was their agreement, and that was one of the things that led to their breakup. Trying to see Jack and do everything else without letting on to their friends was too much for Bitty, too much sneaking around, too much lying, too much not being present with his team.

It had been easier for Jack, living on his own in Providence, with hours and occasionally days at a time when no one had to know where he was or what he was doing.

It still stung to hear the frogs mention Drew as Bitty’s first boyfriend. Bitty had told Jack that Jack was his first everything. Having the frogs not know that didn’t make it less true, but Jack found himself wishing they did know.

Now, ten years later, he grinned at the thought of saying, “Bitty and I dated for six months while he was still in school,” to see the look on their faces. But it wasn’t his secret to tell, or at least not his alone.

People were shuffling into their seats and Murray was standing up, so Jack went to sit next to Hall’s wife and listen.

Once Murray was done with his list of the years Hall had worked, the accomplishments of his teams, the accomplishments of his players, he introduced Jack, who walked to the lectern and spread his notes out.

“Hi, I’m Jack Zimmermann and I graduated in 2015,” he said, adjusting the Stanley Cup ring (from the 2016 win) on his finger to catch the light.

That drew a chuckle from the room, so he continued.

“Most of you know my story — I played in juniors, then overdosed on prescription medication during a mental health crisis. I had to step away from the game for a while, and when I decided I wanted to go to college, and to play hockey again, I had to petition the NCAA to allow it.”

He also had agreed to not take a scholarship, but that hadn’t been an issue for his family.

“Not many coaches wanted a 21-year-old freshman with a demonstrated history of screwing up that badly,” Jack said. “And some of the ones who did just wanted me to play hockey, not worry about classes. But Coach Hall wanted me to come to Samwell and play hockey and get an education and figure out what I wanted. He saw the potential for me to have a hockey career —” 

That drew cheers, especially from those who played with Jack “— and also for me to get a degree and open up other paths. The opportunities he gave me showed me worlds I didn’t know existed, so much that I’m going to start working on a doctorate in history this fall.”

Jack took a sip of water and continued.

“At the same time, he was an excellent hockey coach. I know; I’ve had a lot of them. He demanded hard work and perseverance, not by yelling, but by setting high expectations and then by setting an example of how to meet them. He showed me — us — how to have pride in ourselves and in our team, but also have humility at the same time. He showed me not just how to be a better player — a better person — but also that I could be so much better if I didn’t try to do it on my own.”

Jack looked up, and was about to continue, but there in the back was Bitty. It looked like he was setting out dessert — mostly pie — on the now-cleared food tables, but he had stopped what he was doing to watch Jack. When he saw Jack looking, he gave a small smile.

“I haven’t always been perfect,” Jack said, now looking directly at Bitty. “I haven’t always gotten it right. But skating for Coach Hall did so much to set me on a positive path, a path where I can make a difference by setting an example and extending a hand to people who need it. And I know he did that for all of you, too.”

Bitty was still looking at him. Jack took another sip of water, and continued.

“That’s why we all wanted to show our appreciation to you, Coach, by setting up this scholarship in your name. It’s to help players who can’t get a full athletic scholarship, or managers or any other students who are involved with the hockey program, so you can keep helping young people find their way.”

Coach Hall got up and Jack handed him the plaque. As Hall took the microphone, Jack headed straight for the back of the room.

“Can we talk?” he asked Bitty.

“Shh. After Coach Hall is done.”

Jack didn’t know how long Coach Hall spoke, just knew that he spent that time looking at Bitty. He was here as a guest, mostly, Jack supposed, in a suit and all, but just as clearly he wasn’t going to leave the dessert table to the university food service company.

Bitty looked good. Jack tried to see him as objectively as he could; Bitty was still trim and fit, maybe even a little broader across the shoulders and chest. His hair was the bright gold it turned in the summer, and his eyes were still clear, warm brown. His face was more angular, and Jack could see a dusting of pale stubble along his jaw. The beginnings of laugh lines were just visible around his eyes, and there were some scars exposed on his forearms where he’d turned his sleeves back. Jack recognized them as burn marks.

Jack knew Bitty had published his cookbooks, of course, and that he still had his YouTube channel. He knew Bitty had guested on several food network shows — it came up whenever he saw anyone else from SMH — but he wasn’t sure what else Bitty was doing. He kind of thought if Bitty had gotten married, he would have heard, but maybe he was dating someone? Bitty had moved back to Georgia after he graduated, and while he kept in touch with Shitty and Lardo and some of the others, Jack didn’t think it was as frequent as any of them would have liked. 

Bitty didn’t owe anyone information, especially Jack, not after the way they’d broken it off. Jack was glad Bitty had dated after the breakup — the last thing he wanted was for Bitty to be miserable — but he had always wanted a second chance. He just wasn’t sure he deserved it.

After Bitty avoided him for the rest of Bitty’s college career, Jack thought Bitty probably didn’t want to risk it.

Hall was finishing up his remarks, talking about how proud he was of the people who had moved through the program. Jack turned to Bitty, who said, “Go talk to everybody. People will hang around for dessert. I’ll be here after.”

Then Bitty handed him a slice of apple pie on a plate. “So it’s not all gone when you come back.”

Jack wandered back toward the front, where he was being beckoned for photos. Once he stood with Hall, and with Hall and Murray, Shitty came to demand a photo with Jack and the rest of the 2014-2015 team.

“Lardo’s getting Bitty,” Shitty said, pushing Jack into a spot next to Ransom and taking up a position on Jack’s other side. “And don’t think I didn’t see you snagging the first piece of pie.”

Jack shrugged. “It’s been a long time since I had Bitty’s pie.”

“Too fucking right,” Shitty said. “Bitty hasn’t made a pie for us in like, three years. How long has it been for you?”

“Longer than that,” Jack said.

Lardo returned with Bitty, who was pulled into place in front of and between Jack and Ransom. Lardo was next to Bitty, in front of Jack and Shitty. Bitty stood a careful six inches in front of Jack, glancing back and mouthing a “sorry,” although Jack couldn’t figure out why.

Jack made small talk for a long while after that, let some of the SMH alumni try on his cup ring, even signed some autographs for the younger guys.

He embraced Hall before his old coach left, and promised to spend more time with Shitty and Lardo now that he was retired. All the time, he had one eye on Bitty, who by the end was collecting platters and serving utensils from the buffet table.

Jack swallowed the rest of his pie (which was, if anything, better than he remembered) and went back to where Bitty was boxing up his things.

“Can I help you with that?” Jack said.

“I got it,” Bitty said. “I got the primo parking because I was bringing this stuff.”

“I did want to talk with you,” Jack said. “I think Annie’s is still open.”

“Okay,” Bitty said. “Let me move the car to a legal spot and we can walk over.”

The walk was quiet, Bitty apparently as lost in his thoughts as Jack was. When they approached, Bitty slowed and said, “The last time I was here with you, you broke up with me.”

“I know,” Jack said. 

It was the last time Jack had been at Annie’s at all. 

Bitty had called him the night before, leaving a long tearful message on his voice mail about how their relationship was too hard, how keeping it secret was too hard, how Bitty was suffering from lying to their friends and from lack of sleep and time and … and then he had called Jack and asked him not to listen to the message, but it was too late. 

It was too late for Jack to head to Samwell right away; it wouldn’t have been safe for him to drive before he got some sleep. When Jack met Bitty at Annie’s the next morning and took in his red, tired eyes and slumped shoulders, he knew what he had to do.

“You can’t keep doing this, bud,” Jack said. “I’m sorry. I had no idea how rough it would be on you.”

“I’m sorry for worrying you,” Bitty said. “I just have to be stronger.”

“That’s not fair,” Jack said. 

“But you can’t come out,” Bitty said. “Not now, in your first season.”

“No, I can’t,” Jack agreed. “I don’t think we can keep doing this, bud. I’m sorry. I can’t see you this way and know it’s my fault. I’m sorry, bud.”

“Wait, are you breaking up with me?”

“I’m sorry,” Jack said again.

“But I love you,” Bitty said. “We can — I can try harder.”

“I love you, too,” Jack said. “But you should be with someone who can actually be with you, in front of everybody. You deserve to be happy.”

Then he had pushed his chair back, stood up and walked away.

This time, he gestured for Bitty to take a seat and said, “What can I get you?”

“Coffee,” Bitty said. “Black.”

“Not decaf?” 

“Nah, I got a long drive ahead of me.”

Jack put two black coffees — one decaf, one regular — on the table.

“I never figured you’d come around to plain coffee,” Jack said.

“It turns out that unlimited sugar isn’t good for any of us as we get older,” Bitty said. “I prefer to save mine for pastry.”

Jack nodded.

“You’re not driving back to Georgia tonight, are you?”

“I don’t live there anymore,” Bitty said. “I moved to New York last winter.”

“You moved to New York? In the winter?”

“Hush,” Bitty said. “I have a show in development for the Food Network.”

“Good for you,” Jack said. “You deserve it.”

“Thanks,” Bitty said. “I’m a little worried, because I had to close my business in Atlanta, but nothing ventured, nothing gained, right?”

“You miss a hundred percent of the shots you don’t take?” Jack said.

“Something like that,” Bitty said. “So what did you want to talk about?”

“I wanted to say I was sorry for the way I ended things,” Jack said.

“You said so at the time,” Bitty said. “I believed you then. Lord, Jack, I didn’t want to break up, but maybe you were right. If things went they way were, I would have had a breakdown of my own.”

“Maybe,” Jack said. “Or maybe we could have figured out how to make it easier for you. Maybe we could have told the people who lived in the Haus at least. Or some of the Falconers. They would have been fine with it.”

“You know that now,” Bitty said. “Twenty-twenty hindsight’s a wonderful thing.”

“I still think I should have tried something else,” Jack said. “You didn’t want to break up. I was afraid, of coming out, of things going as badly for you as they went for me in juniors … but I gave up too easily. It’s one of my biggest regrets.”

“Aw, sweet pea, don’t beat yourself up,” Bitty said. “I loved you. I really did. And that day, it hurt like hell. Hurt for a long time after, too.”

“Is that why you didn’t stay for Lardo’s graduation?”

“My flight was at 8 p.m.,” Bitty said. “Thank God Logan has charger ports in its waiting areas.”

“Fuck, Bits, you should have stayed,” Jack said. “I wouldn’t have come if you didn’t want me to.”

“It was fine,” Bitty said. “Lardo and Ransom and Holster — they were all your friends first.”

“Then the frogs came to a Falcs game without you,” Jack said.

“Yeah,” Bitty said. “I did already have a date before they asked if I wanted to go. But I probably could have gotten out of it if I tried. I didn’t want you to think I was pining after you, though.”

“What if I was pining after you?”

“Come on, Jack, you’ve dated some people since me,” Bitty said. “I read about a few, all better looking, more successful and female.”

“None of them went anywhere,” Jack said. 

“Yeah,” Bitty said softly. “I know how that goes.”

“Yeah? You had a boyfriend the next fall,” Jack said. 

“For like two months,” Bitty said. “I’ve dated some, too, of course, but no one ever measured up. It was you the whole time.”

“Really?” Jack said. “You mean that?”

“I do,” Bitty said. “But you know I can’t go back in the closet.”

“I’m not asking you to,” Jack said. “Maybe it’s time for me to come out.”

“You are retired,” Bitty said.

“I almost wish I wasn’t so that I could prove how serious I am about this.”

“By coming out while you were playing?” Bitty said. “It would have made a statement. But I think you’ll still get plenty of attention. More than you want, maybe.”

“It will be worth it,” Jack said. “If you really want to do this?”

“I think I do,” Bitty said. “I really do.”

“So how important is it that you make it back to New York tonight?” Jack said.

“Not at all,” Bitty. “Not at all.”

[katoregama]

Horror Game Idea:

- Lost in a Forest Walking Simulator, but with Giant Spiders –

Prologue

- Start off at a vague “hands selection” screen where you can customize the skintone on the protagonists’s hands. You can also select a voice from a short list.

- Game starts at a gas station where you learn the basic “Pickup, interact, open inventory” controls through buying and paying for gas.

- Phone rings and its your shitty boyfriend. You can ignore this call if you want, doing so will change the story a little.

- If you answer the phone you get some backstory. You just moved, and your dog ran away.

- You used to take walks with the dog on a trail in the forest, so you’re going to look for him there.

- Shitty boyfriend tries to tell you that no dog is worth running into a forest for, but he can shut the hell up.

- Start driving down the road as opening credits play.

- If you ignored the call earlier, shitty boyfriend will call again. Ignoring his calls 3 times will change the story a little.

- If you answered his call at the gas station you turn on the radio which talks about lots of pets going missing.

Chapter 1: Into the Woods

Ver A – If you answered shitty boyfriend phone call at the gas station, you make it to the woods safely, and begin walking a trail.

- You call for your dog with no response.

- First “puzzle” is a barbed wire fence. Your character is not going to try to jump it, so you gotta push a tree over to make a path.

- Lots of scenery, but little action. Screen fades to black after a while. Move to Ver B Point X.

Ver B- If you answered shitty boyfriend phone call in the car, you crash the car in the woods.

- When you wake up its night. You’re unharmed, but the car is toast.

- However, phone message from shitty boyfriend says he’s coming to find you. He’s a dick about it tho.

- Shitty boyfriend also leaves the message if you ignored him 3 times in the car.

- Boyfriend won’t bother looking for you if your car is intact. (It’s a gameplay/narrative thing)

POINT X – Introductions converge walking through the dark woods looking for a dog.

- Spooky events happen. An owl vanishes, and so does a deer.

- You find a ranger cabin, but its covered in spiderwebs. You get a map, and an industrial flashlight inside.

- Taking the flashlight agitates a nest of spiders, and you flee in terror.

Chapter 2: Placid Lake

- Map leads you to a lake, which shows that the park you used to take the dog to is on the other side.

- You explore a boat house and get glimpses of being stalked by a dog-sized creature.

- You solve puzzles to get a boat ready to cross the lake, when you hear barking.

- You follow the barking to a grove that grows increasingly thick with cobwebs.

- There is no dog there, but you get attacked by a furry spider the size of one.

- The spider chases you to the boat, and you cast off leaving the spider on the dock.

- Protagonist is all like “Fuck yeah!” at first. Then the spider jumps into the water and begins swimming after you.

- You beat the spider out of the boat with an oar and it drowns.

Chapter 3: Nightmare from Elm Trees

- Now your protagonist is all like “uh fuck no” but dog is worth it, so you pick up the pace.

- You encounter the same spider from the lake again, but you baseball slam its ass and start running.

- You find a tourist attraction from the map which is a big tree house village for photo spots.

- Spider can’t climb well because you’ve kicked it around so much so you’re safe.

- You find a way back down, but you gotta kill the dumb hairy bastard below.

- Solve puzzles to set a trap, meanwhile some smaller spiders show up but they’re killable.

- You catch the big guy in a trap, and start beating it to death with your oar. It bites the end off making it pointy.

- You stab the spider, and it lets out a death rattle that attracts potentially thousands of unseen spiders.

- You leave the broken oar behind, and haul ass.

Chapter 4: A Cabin in the Woods

- You stumble upon a cabin which is spider-free, and barricade yourself inside.

- This cabin is a spider-survivalist shack who’s been trying to warn the sherriff’s department for months.

- You basically play tower defense for a few minutes until the spiders stop coming.

- Lots of notes and videos are here and you learn the survivalist is still alive but he’s moving because fuck spiders.

- He’s spent the daytime dropping stashes of an anti-spider spray all over the woods.

- You call shitty boyfriend, its his girlfriend on the side who picks up.

- If you talked to him earlier, you can tell him the relationship is off, but he’s no help.

- If you crashed your car or ignored him, you still talk to his on-the-side lady but find out he’s looking for you.

- You can actually invite shitty mistress to come to the woods but she declines. Either way shitty BF is shitty.

- You find out where the nest is, and think it’s the most likely place to find your dog.

- Tower defense resumes, but gets increasingly unmanageable. You grab anti-spider gear and book it.

Chapter 5: Spider Army of Darkness

- Pretty simple chapter, walking through woods but occasionally attacked by spiders.

- They die in one spray but sprays are limited so sometimes its best to run.

- Towards the end, you end up running across a rope bridge  which breaks. Many spiders fall to their deaths.

Chapter 6: The Human-Sized Centipede

- You find a tunnel, and being some kind of big brain think spiders won’t follow you inside when they crowd at the entrance and screech.

- Caves have a giant centipede in them that eats spiders and also you if you let it.

- You have to stealth your way through, and at the end cause a cave in that forces the centipede to retreat.

Chapter 7: Can’t Think of a Clever Chapter Title, but You’re In A Cave

- You find the centipede tunnel feeds into a mine/cave network which is 100% the spider lair.

- Light stealth with killable spiders, and new “Trapdoor Spider” enemies you gotta avoid.

- At the end of it, you find the dog still alive, and very excited to see you.

- You rescue the dog, but a spider-queen attacks, and you tell the dog to run to the car.

- You are separated from the dog and webbed up

Chapter 8: Spider Queen of the Damned

- A protracted boss-battle level that includes all gameplay elements to current. Stealth, killable mini spiders, tower defense, etc.

- You eventually escape from the Queen’s lair, but damn is she pissed.

- You run back to the park (Ver A of the beginning) and find either your car or shitty BF’s car.

- Shitty BF’s car has a blood streak leading away and the keys are beside it implying shitty BF died.

- You drive away and spider queen follows you all the way back to the gas station.

- You set a trap and blow up the gas station. Queen gets burned, and falls over.

Endings:

- There’s kind of a “threshold” for endings. Collect enough notes/kill enough weak spiders for the good ending.

Dog: Dog will survive no matter what, assuming you made it to the ending.

Shitty BF: If you gave him reason to visit the woods he’ll be seen cocooned in the Queen’s lair, wiggling to get out.

Queen Spider: She can actually survive. If you have a low notes/kills threshold, her minions drag her back home, burned, but alive. If shitty BF is cocooned she will eat him.

Bonus Ending: 100% of notes/kills threshold gives you a special post-credits video where the govt. finally believes the spider survivalist and he ends up on a talk show. The show host brings on stage a captured spider which the survivalist, in a panic, reveals is a queen. The new queen breaks loose on live TV.

[sleazygoing]

          i’ve spent literally all day watching shitty daytime tv psychics doing talk-show cold reading and i can’t even lie, the long island medium is vernon kennedy’s dream woman