#or rather. trust in permanence. i do not trust it. because it's clear that it does not exist.

[orcelito]

Lately, I've been learning to not take things for granted. I've been taking videos of my cats a bit more. Got a video today of me feeding June Bug and Tally, including bits of their meows

I deeply regret not having any record of the sound of Cassy's meow. I'm trying to make up for it with my girls, though.

[faithandfairies]

You know, I've thought about this some more and I came up with another scenario. Because I kept thinking about Lestat revealing that in order for him to die he has to be willing.

So keeping that in mind it makes more sense for Louis to be the one to kill him. Because I don't see Lestat cooperating in his own murder if it's Claudia killing him, not Louis. And then I thought "Unless he's being blackmailed."

So if we still work within the frame of mind that Claudia poisoned Louis, and let's say she realizes Lestat can't be killed unless he goes along with it maybe because he tells her, I could see her threatening to kill Louis if Lestat didn't cooperate in his own murder. And Lestat allowing Claudia to kill him because it's not a risk he's willing to take. Even though there is no way Claudia would kill Louis.

You know, I can't wait to see their re-visit of Murder Night. Because there's so much that doesn't add up. I wonder if we'll find out that Claudia did in fact kill Lestat. And that there wasn't much Louis could do about it. Or if they'll leave the events mostly as we've seen.

We already know that a lot of Murder Night as Louis initially explains it to Daniel is Louis' fever dream. The question is where does it start? Because after Daniel realizes that Louis isn't telling him the entire truth and goads Louis into being honest with him we get two flashes of Louis' actual memories of that night, him choking Claudia to get it through to her that he won't allow her to burn Lestat and him screaming over Lestat's dead body.

And it's really making me wonder for how much of Lestat's death Louis was actually there and present for. If he was there for any of it.

Because there's so much that doesn't make sense about Louis' version of events:

-Claudia tells Louis beforehand she'll pull Louis back before she kills him. She kills Lestat. But then she's not even in the room as Louis kills him? We also know that Claudia had no problem with killing him, through Daniel.

-Through the trial we get a direct quote from Claudia's diary "I will be your angel of death, Lestat". And it's supposed to be just her fantasizing about murdering him as she's planning it but it just sounds like something she might actually say as she murders him as well.

-Louis also makes a pretty small slice in Lestat's throat and then let's go of him pretty unceremoniously and we're supposed to believe that was the extent of Lestat's murder. But why do it like that? Why not make the slice bigger? Or simply behead him? We know Louis couldn't, but how much of it was because he couldn't because he loves Lestat and how much of it might have been because of something else? If we consider that is what the slice in Lestat's neck truly ended up looking like?

-We also never see Lestat's death. We never hear his last words according to Claudia so we're definitely missing parts of that night.

-There are also pages missing in Claudia's diary that could involve her speaking on that night.

-And another thing, when Claudia leaves the room leaving Louis with Lestat I don't think it's her intention at all not to be the one to kill Lestat. She actually leaves Louis and Lestat alone to say their goodbyes.

So here's what I think. I think Claudia knew she would never get Louis so far to actually kill Lestat. She knew she would have to do it. And Louis would have to be out of the way, at least temporarily, otherwise he would try to stop her. She also tells Louis that she poisoned one of the twins for Lestat to consume. But the thing is that a lie always works better if there's truth to it.

I think Claudia actually poisoned both twins and had Louis feed on one to get him out of the way temporarily as she killed Lestat. The question is what happened after? Did Louis start to try to kill Lestat because he thought it should be him and could he not finish the job? Did he pass out from having been poisoned as he was dawdling?

Or did Louis pass out during the goodbye, having no intention of Lestat getting his throat slit and being burned? Did he come to as Claudia was slitting Lestat's throat and unceremoniously get her off of him during, which is why the slice looks jagged and unfinished?

Was he too late? Is that why he missed Lestat's last words? Or did Lestat say them as Louis was fighting off and trying to restrain Claudia? Was that when the choking and the argument about needing to burn him happened? Did Claudia betray Louis because she felt she had no other choice? And did he return the favor when he proved her right by choosing Lestat over her, refusing to finish him?

[timmydraker]

Thinking about Vampire Tim AU and him saving Bruce via turning.

None of the Drakes are actually Vampires, at least not permanently. It was a very strange instance that occurred out of pure chance and coincidence.

A pregnant Janet Drake in a foreign country having a run in with a starving vampire rouge that bite her just a few days before she gave birth.

Instead of the curse spreading to her, the labour of her child pushed and the spreading of lifeform spread to her baby as it was born. The child looked healthy, had no inhuman features, and they assumed her being so sick was simply the fact she was about to give birth.

Tim doesn’t realise what he is for a while purely because his parents are vegan and, until he was seven and had some beef from a classmates lunch, hadn’t had any blood enter his mouth.

Having to teach himself everything, Tim learned to manage both his hunger and abilities as quickly as he could. He studied history and mythos and did several test to figure out the limits to what he needed and could do.

He learnt that he could heal via blood, that he could go without air for days, and that his hearing was normal though his sense of smell was enough to distinguish blood types.

He learn that he could go two weeks without blood before it became a problem, but if he pushed it past three weeks he would start to experience literally decay.

Tim disconcerted his saving grace was that the hunger wasn’t as uncontrollable as people made it out to be in movies and books. At most, it was just like normal human hunger or thirst, and he was aware there was a huge variable in him being raised rather poorly.

He keeps it hidden for years, but then when he’s nineteen Bruce dies.

Not Batman, Bruce.

They got in a car crash of all things, the other drive running after they drove them off the road on the extremely rare instance that Alfred wasn’t driving.

Tim watched the tree branch in his foster father’s chest for several minutes as he thought about his options. Bruce was dead upon impact, gone with only the last wisps of life hanging to him.

Bruce was a father.

Batman was needed.

Even though it would out what he was, Tim forced his several sharp teeth out, all needle sharp and long enough his jaw had to unhinge slightly, and bit into his own wrist. The fangs, an inch long each, dug into his skin painfully before moving to dig into each of Bruce’s wrist and then finally his neck.

Tim smeared the blood into all three wounds and then squeezed as much as he could into Bruce’s mouth.

He had no idea how he knew what to do, trusting the instinct the curse seemed to just… give him.

When Bruce begins to breath again, Clark finally shows up. It’s been a total of eleven minutes and Tim only realises that the other took so long because he had been off planet, yet he is grateful because if he had been there…

Tim instructs Clark on how to cover up the scene, removing the cars and getting Bruce to the cave.

Dick is freaking out, worrying over his brothers ripped clothes and Bruce’s clear injuries, but Tim is quiet.

He takes Bruce’s medical cot and leads them both into a containment cell and then seals it, implementing his own lock as well as one of Bruce’s so no one can open it. He can hear someone banging on the glass a few times but he ignores it to stand over his father’s side and wait for him to wake up.

Naturally, when the older man does he’s panicked and screening Tim’s name.

Tim smiles at him sadly before taking hold of his hand, which Bruce immediately process as wrong.

“Why aren’t I dead?”

Smile growing sadder before fading to an almost formal look, Tim squeezed his hand before pulling away.

“I know you’ve had your suspicions and I thank you for trusting me regardless, but you are right. I’m not human Bruce, and now… you aren’t either.”

He lets the worlds settle for just a moment before continuing, knowing the other will want all the information he can. They’re both so similar in that way.

“I was born a vampire, I will always be a vampire. I will explain that all to you soon, but what you need to know is this: you do not need to drink human blood, you will not loose control over your thirst if you allow me to train you, and yes I had no choice. Gotham needs Batman and I-… I need my father. I will not apologise for my selfishness, but I am sorry you have to be like me.”

Bruce is quiet but he doesn’t move to kick Tim out, nor does he shout at him or cry in betrayal.

He’s surprised, but not more than Tim had ever seen before.

It’s almost an hour of silence between them before Bruce speaks again, “You… you are actually nineteen?”

Tim scoffs and Bruce glares, which makes Tim smile more, “I am. My body will age until around twenty five, at least that’s my hypothesis. If you are turned you stay the age you were, but I was born.”

Bruce nods and after a moment reaches out for his son’s hand.

Another silence before he squeezes it, “Have you told the others about… this change?”

Tim winces, “I tried to keep us separated because I knew you would worry for hurting someone, but I knew Damian would break in if he couldn’t listen so…”

“Ah. Understood.”

Then, in another rare instance that Tim thought he wouldn’t see for at least another few years, Bruce opens his arms to him for a hug.

Naturally, Tim crumbles into his father’s arms and sobs louder than a war drum.

Bruce kisses his head and holds him tight, a vampire embrace.

[twig-tea]

Water Bottles in the Fridge as a Relationship Metaphor [Eps 5 and 6 of LITBC]

I sobbed after finishing Episodes 5 and 6 of Love in the Big City and I have been trying to find the words to articulate why but they aren't coming. So instead I'm going to talk about this relationship, focusing on the image that stuck strongest in my mind: The water bottles. [No book spoilers, this is all just reaction to the series].

After Gyu Ho moves in, Yeong comes home from a really draining day at work late because he's been writing in a cafe, only to passive-aggressively spray the drying laundry to mask the smell and stare at the empty shelf in the fridge where their stash of water bottles should be. He goes to his laptop to write more of his novel, while Gyu Ho behind him puts the laundry in the dryer and fills up the fridge with water. There are at least two other times when Gyu Ho fills up the fridge with water after one of their fights; the other one that stood out to me was Gyu Ho putting water in the fridge after coming home with his suitcase rather than moving out/leaving permanently. That relatively small but repeated chore stuck with me as an embodiment of Gyu Ho's tip-toeing that Yeong mentions in his voiceover.

If you've ever lived with anyone else, you know how the tiniest things can become massive irritants, especially when you are depressed or stressed, but it's true anytime. And you also know that those massive irritants do not mean you love them any less. I was blown away by how well these episodes, especially episode 6, captured a long term relationship's ups, downs, and mundanity. The palpable tension between Yeong and Gyu Ho, mixed with the easy dissipation of that tension and back to life as normal, radiated from the screen. Even when they fight, like in the cafe where Yeong is writing, they are fighting about how they want good things for each other. They just have different ideas about what that looks like and how they get there. I loved the tiny moments like Yeong, frustrated after the fight, walking home and hearing a stranger cuss out a cat, and smiling to himself because it reminded him of the 'Crabby Tabby' nickname Gyu Ho gave him.

[This is a bit of a sidenote, but the difference between Yeong Su's 'I'm moving to New York, did you think what we had was love?' and Gyu Ho's 'Come to Shanghai with me, I won't go without you' is so massive it's still sitting with me days later.]

It's clear that they're both trying, and at the same time, that they both are holding or held back. Gyu Ho is not a pushover and does hold his own in these arguments, and does make his mark on the space by e.g. putting up curtains, but he keeps backing down in the end; and Yeong continues to keep him at arms length even after trusting him with his biggest secret and deepest shame, and even after inviting him to live together. It's clear that sharing knowledge of Kylie does not free Yeong from shame about her. He asks Gyu Ho multiple times where he sees him as 'dirty', and Gyu Ho's response that he's the dirtiest joke is, I think, a loving attempt to say no in a way that Yeong can hear.

The scene on the train to the airport near the end of the episode captured their dynamic perfectly; Gyu Ho is willing to stand in order to spend time with Yeong, and Yeong is unwilling to let him. And Yeong is fundamentally correct that the circumstances of their lives (especially his life, with Kylie) mean that he would be holding Gyu Ho back, and Gyu Ho in the end makes the choice to listen and leave Yeong when he's told to rather than continue to fight him on it.

Yeong noticed and got annoyed by the water shelf not being refilled one time, And Gyu Ho filled it every time since, even when he was furious and barely wanted to be there at all. And Yeong noticed, but didn't know what to do about it, the same way he noticed how Gyu Ho always slept silently, and would constantly check his breathing (and even made snoring noises to himself to fill the silence), and took that as a sign that Gyu Ho did not feel safe or fully settled. He was unclear how much his own behaviour vs. Gyu Ho's personality were to blame:

"I wonder why you sleep in utter silence, like you're constantly on tip-toes. As if you're never home, no matter how long you've lived here. Is that my fault? Or is it your fault? Or maybe it's simply an inevitability."

I think it's the fact that these two love each other so much, and were both so reasonable and tried so hard, still could not make things work, and how fucking unfair it all feels, that made me sob. I don't know that I'll find better words than that.

[iridiss]

Garroth growing up in a blood family that doesn’t treat him with any love, so as a kid he wishes so hard for the destined, perfect love of his life to come and save him, whisking him away like a knight in shining armor, to a life where he’s truly loved, and it’s that escapism in fantasy that he’s constantly using to cope and keep himself sane growing up

He dreams of the day someone will love him, unconditionally and truly, and though he doesn’t really know what that’ll look like yet, it’s something that he just knows intrinsically in his heart and yearns for desperately. He’s a big lover, he’s super empathetic and sensitive, he has a big heart, especially as a kid. Whenever he falls for anyone, he falls HARD, but he can’t seem to find anyone who would love him back as much as he loves them (especially since people keep seeing him as The Prince and not lovey little Garroth)

Then Garroth being forced to marry a woman he had never loved and barely even met before. Marriage being used as a giant weapon to forever seal him into the horrific life as heir to the throne, as one of the permanent pieces of this broken and abusive monarchical system, when marriage and love was supposed to be one thing that got him out, and it breaks him so much that he abandons everything and runs away. If no perfect and magical knight in shining armor will save him, then he’ll do it himself, alone.

And then he meets the most romantic knight in the world.

Laurance is so extremely homoerotic and suggestive and flirtatious with him all the time, even in canon, especially in canon

Laurance loves LOUDLY and a LOT, he’s very honest and up-front about all the emotions in his heart, and when he falls in love with someone (as opposed to falling in surface-level lust with someone) he falls HARD, but unlike Garroth, he is NOT shy about it lol

Laurance sending love and affection Garroth’s way in droves, and Garroth being utterly confused and clueless about it, because no one has ever spoken to him this way, hell, I don’t think his sheltered Princely blood has even SEEN any other person talk this way. Like Laurance just honestly and bluntly telling him “Hey big guy, I think you’re hot and cute as fuck, we should fuck on the beach right here, whaddya say?” like how is his brain going to compute that, he’s never even SEEN an affectionate relationship before, let alone seen someone be so clear and forward about it

And Laurance is honest and means every word he says, he’s not trying to play or trick Garroth. At one point Garroth thinks he is and gets super suspicious of him, but then Laurance laughs and denies it so casually and easily, and now Garroth is lost again

He literally meets the most affectionate person ever. He’s honest and upfront about his affections, he’s patient enough to give Garroth all the time in the world, he’s emotionally intelligent enough to know why he’s struggling so much with his gestures, and he’ll just patiently stand there and watch him while he has an existential crisis trying to figure out what love even means after Laurance gave him a bouquet of hand-picked flowers. Trust Issues Garroth would eventually try to accept all these kind things Laurance says about him, rather than deny the compliments and insist he’s all the things Zane and his father called him as a child. He leans into the affections, and Garroth learning how love actually works, as the very man he dreamed of as a child holds his face in his hands, and does not mock or beat or hurt him, but kisses him on the cheek instead.

Garroth learning how to love from Laurance’s unconditional and obnoxious affections, slowly becoming less and less afraid of it, until he embraces it completely and starts to give Laurance So Very Much Loving in return like he was always capable of doing. And Laurance is perfectly capable of handling the immense amount of affection, he finds it exciting actually

And though I don’t think homophobia is a thing that exists in this fantasy world, I think it’s also thematically perfect that Laurance is the exact kind of person that Garroth’s parents would HATE having as a son-in-law. Laurance’s rebellious pride is perfect for that role of breaking Garroth free of the abusive strings of his evil monarchical family and learning how to love himself instead

[syndrossi]

I love the way you write Ned. I love that, while he is clearly cognizant of the fact that Jon isn’t technically his son, he is willing to utterly destroy his honor and reputation to keep him safe. (Though it is clear that he knows it would be… very bad for him if someone was to put any of the pieces together about his origins at this stage too.) And I hope that bb!Jon gets a chance to really reckon with that love - different from the love he receives from Daemon, hampered by their circumstances, but still a profound love.

I do also hope someone, once everything is out in the open, has a chance to marvel at the depth of treason Ned was willing to commit to for his family.

Also, Raymar could literally just ask Ned how Jon is related to him, and I think Ned would tell him. (The lies they are having to tell to stay safe in Winterfell and their physical appearance would make prevarication unlikely.)

Yeah, Ned's love is such an interesting thing to reckon with. It's more in the background of Resonant, the candle that Jon holds up to Daemon's bonfire, but Ned's had to be more subtle and came with a lot more baggage than Daemon's. He was brave in many ways with his love, but in ways that were difficult for Jon to feel because he didn't know Ned's secrets.

His bravery was more political: committing treason, as you said, lying to his best friend and king, lying to his wife and staining his honor. But as far as letting himself fully love (not just protect!) Jon the way he longed for--there was this chasm between them. So much of Ned's pain and loss and even guilt was tangled up in his birth.

His father was a man who Lyanna had loved, rather than the monster everyone else in the North believed him to be. Whose death I doubt Ned felt much regret over, but his wife and children--that was horrific enough that it permanently drove a wedge between him and Robert. Ned never trusted him or looked at him the same way after that. So Rhaegar, and through him, Jon, is a reminder of Robert's failings.

And his mother was Ned's beloved sister, whose "kidnapping" claimed the lives of his brother and father in a truly sickening fashion before ultimately taking hers. When he looks at Jon, who else can he see but Lyanna and remember all the Starks who died so that Jon could be born?

Ned loves Jon, and would die to protect him, but in the way that is most important to Jon, his bravery failed him: in telling him the truth so that he could understand that any perceived distance on Ned's part had nothing to do with Jon being his bastard son and a reminder of his dishonor, because he wasn't. So much of Jon's own pain is tangled up in what it means to be a bastard--to be assumed evil, ambitious, lustful. So much so that when he does have any ambition of his own, it comes with guilt and a reactive "but I shouldn't!"

Without that knowledge, Jon distanced himself in response, partly in self-defense. Robb became "Stark." "Father" became "Lord Stark" more often than not. Lady Stark claimed he was trying to insinuate himself into her family, to claim a role that didn't belong to him, out of ambition. And Jon did everything in his power to counter that argument. "Look, see? I don't put on airs and pretend to be the same as my father's true children. I am Jon, but I am also Snow. I am deferential toward Robb and my half-siblings, because they are my betters. They are the ones who deserve our father's full love."

(How many times did Jon have to play damage control when Ned was too affectionate? And honestly, Ned himself. Cat herself was part of that distance. He felt guilty even about lying to Cat and the pain it had caused her, so he was just--constantly trying to tiptoe around emotional landmines. His own and Cat's.)

Now I know the common rebuttal is "of course he didn't tell Jon, that's not the kind of secret you can entrust to a kid or even a young teen!" But this is Ned. I don't think that level of shrewdness factored much into it, other than possibly as an excuse to cling to / reason to procrastinate. Once Jon was ten, he was pretty much old enough to know to keep a secret.

None of which means Ned didn't love Jon a great deal, or sacrifice to protect him. It just means that it was complicated in a way that his love for Robb, Sansa, Arya, etc wasn't.

(And truly, Ned wouldn't go to the lengths Daemon would, for the sheer fact that Daemon is not an inherently good/honorable person. Daemon's love is of the undeniably selfish "I would burn the world for you" brand.)

Restoration!Ned is even braver in his love, from a sheer "taking on breathtaking political risk" standpoint. These two children appear, so clearly Jon's kin, and the craziest fork in the road appears: "reveal their identity and your treachery is revealed with obvious consequences to Jon" vs "destroy the honor you had finally rebuilt over time and distance from its original stain, risking your family in the process, to protect Jon." (The third fork "see that these children disappear quietly and remain a strange rumor" never occurs to Ned, because unlike Robert, he doesn't countenance the murder of children.)

And Resonant!Jon is actually in the best spot to understand how much he is risking for him (other him), since he does know the truth this time around. It's easier to see the love where growing up, the inequity/distance stood out to him.

/essay oops

On the Raymar front, that really does pretty much seal it. If Ned says they're Jon's uncles, and he believes Rhaella is their mother, then pretty much no one else could be Jon's father, given that Lyanna must be his mother. Any additional children Rhaella might have had after he was summerhalled would have almost certainly been too young to marry her. A "spare" prince would have much better prospects than a woman 8 years his senior.

[ateez-himari]

GQ MAGAZINE; SEGMENT

The Coachella-slaying, multi-language-singing, genre-obliterating members of Ateez are quickly becoming load-bearing stars of our global pop universe.

August 15, 2024

The expensive clothing layered onto the smallest frame in the group depicts an almost untouchable image, yet when the youngest member in question turns around it is pure warmth that decorates doll-like features when greeting the photographers. Himari is often referred to as innocence itself - main rapper Mingi calling her 'angel' several times throughout the shoot - due to radiating happiness in an effortless manner, though it reportedly was not always this simple.

Mental health has long been an avoided topic in the industry even amongst increasing hiatus frequencies, so when the maknae was struggling with heavy depression many remained unaware of her predicament. When asked about the impact of having to fight while keeping up an idol image, she explains that: "At times I couldn't even distinguish which one was the real me, the one who was tired of even having to wake up, or the one smiling at Atiny while performing."

"Even when I was genuinely happy felt like acting." She continues, manicured fingers fidgeting with a golden ring. "It was such a terrifying time in my life, but it helped me realize that there was no merit in pretending to be someone else or hiding my true feelings. Anger, pain, joy, fear, there's not one emotion less valuable than the others so now I feel them as they come along."

Seeing the avoidance in eye contact when talking about this topic I apologize profusely thinking that this might not have been the appropriate route, but she simply laughs before gracing me with one of her beloved cat-like smiles. "In truth I'm very shy." She reassures me. "People often see me as this very assured person because of how I am on stage, but in settings like these I tend to be much more introverted than with people I'm acquainted with."

The group is well known for hypnotizing performances high in energy with four members forming the 'Demon Line', adequately named after the specific type of personas they tend to embody on stage, which she happens to be part of. Conversing with me however is indeed a rather timid young woman, despite the dark makeup making her gaze much more piercing, who does not seem to share any commonalities with the siren witnessed by the audience.

Just when our eye opening conversation comes to an end several members come over to their youngest, praising her gorgeous visuals enhanced through the well chosen outfit. Therein lies another charm of this rapidly rising group, their genuine connections to each other. Being around the same people almost every minute of the year can undoubtedly become tiring yet even during the unit shoot between San, Seonghwa, Jongho and Himari, the atmosphere feels more like a regular poolside hangout than work.

While some poses do seem somewhat awkward between friends - such as Seonghwa holding her against his bare chest as he holds a thumb on her bottom lip - their six years together has built a strong sense of trust and comfort. A comfort that resonates as clear as the youngest's laughter while the older members threaten to throw her into the water, Jongho holding her across his shoulders like she weighs next to nothing.

[....]

Unique artistic expression plays a very large part in building an intriguing image around the group. ATEEZ's captain has lately risen to be a fashion icon due to his experimental style, Mingi has created his own brand with the usage of his iconic 'Fix On', and their youngest creates divine ink paintings, some of which have since been placed as permanent expositions in galleries.

The three of them form something known as the 'Producer Line', and are responsible for creating the group's discography. Himari is also an active producer for other artists of various genres, the most notable being SHINee member, Taemin. The latter, recognized as the second Hand of Midas alongside her brother, BTS member Suga, is currently fast asleep on the changing room couch on their manager's shoulder, surrounded by music sheets written for their Coachella performances.

"When you first meet her, she seems very calm and carefree." Yeosang explains while removing the accessories from her hair. "In truth even being a maknae, she takes on very similar responsibilities to our captain. Her studio is practically a second home at this point, that's how much she works. She doesn't even realize it either so either Yunho or I have to come drive her back to the dorm."

It becomes clear through conversations with the members that their rise from small agency trainees to performers desired by multiple music festivals can be attributed to their hard work. Each have their own style, personalities and defining charms, which makes every stage unique. We can certainly look forward to much more success from these talented artists as they continue to mark the industry.

RELATED STORIES FOR GQ

[moltensmusings]

I was wondering what your thoughts were on the battle of fairy tail arc and what if anything you would change. Personally I would have liked it if they Laxus had a better relationship with the thunder legion - or there had been some stuff before that showed they were close so his spiral over the arc into being kinda a dick to them too was more shocking. On a side note, I'm kinda sad they didn't include in the anime the scene where he overhears people bashing fairy tail in a pub and beats them up because I feel it speaks to his character more!

Anyway I've been really enjoying your headcannons and they've made all the arcs you've discussed better in my head lol

Thank you! My goal when thinking up rewrite ideas/alterations is always to enhance the story presented more than fully, outright change it to something else entirely.

I didn't read the manga prior to Grand magic games since I was anime only, but I probably should at some point because scenes like that would be interesting to see!

I fully agree with you on the "Laxus should've cared point". One point I always think about every arc is just how much Mashima doesn't trust his audience to hate villains without making them horrible, sadistic people. Now I don't need villains to be written as redeemable, I myself thoroughly enjoy writing heinous individuals who are cruel to their core with no regard for life outside of their own (and even sometimes no regard for that). But if you want to make a villain that the audience can accept as redeemable you either need to make them complex and sympathetic, or show us their hard earned redemption.

Now, for Laxus, I personally would've made it clear that he cares about Fairy Tail members. Not just the reputation of the guild. Though his ego and insults towards others would often have people believing that. Makarov and Erza would both be capable of seeing through this and understanding that every criticism he has towards his guildmates comes from a place of trying to help them get better to keep them safe. I'd hint at him having a history of being close to guildmates who die or leave due to permanent damage sustained on missions.

This underlying care would be the reason Makarov would believe him to be the one right to take over as master. Because in spite of his inflated self worth, he still cared for his family.

Phantomlord arc would've been his breaking point, I would remove the scene of him saying he'd only help if Lucy dated him (that was only added to make him hate worthy) and have it simply be that he can't be reached due to a mission with the thunder legion. A rift forming between him and Makarov for Makarov letting Gajeel into the guild with no explanation after the dude hospitalized team shadowgear and tormented Lucy would cause him to believe Makarov incapable of putting the safety of the guild above the redemption of enemies.

The battle of fairy tail would be his way of proving to various members that they aren't cut out to be mages because if they can't even take care of themselves in a controlled environment, how can they hope to do so out in the field. He'd have a desperation as well to show that he is the strongest person in the guild thus the only one capable of stepping up to the role of guild master (Him having divine magic in the au would also explain this solid belief, god given magic and all that.) Rather than getting angry when Evergreen, Bixlow, or Freed loses, there would be a resignation that they aren't meant to stay. A sadness to it because he'd have known them all for almost a decade at this point.

"Why would people get frozen in stone" rather than it being all the girls who competed, it would be every member he deemed too weak to compete safely. People who use primarily support magic or haven't been with the guild long enough to make a mark in his memory of what they're capable of. Erza would be post tower of heaven nerf at this point so she'd be far below her normal strength level.

Makarov nearly dying this arc rather than being a moment of elation, would simply reinforce his need to get things done. To prove his own strength and take the position he was destined for.

When Makarov sends him off to self reflect he would note "You can't know what will come of people. Dangers exist in the world whether you're part of a guild or not. People will do as they please and all you can hope is to prepare them for what comes."

I would also throw in a few flashback scenes during the arc, scenes of guild members interacting with Laxus and Laxus meeting/grouping up with the thunder legion. I'm personally partial to Makarov raising Erza post tower of heaven so I'd have loved if prior to this arc we got some Erza/Laxus sibling scenes.

Again: I don't need villains to be tragic always, I think gajeel being a horrible person that has to earn his place is something I like (wish it was better handled) but for characters like Laxus I think them being complex and sympathetic is crucial. Especially when we don't see them until they've completely changed.

[heloflor]

So after New Wish I started watching some random episodes of the og show, starting with the ones featuring Cosmo and Wanda’s families, which got me thinking of how those relationships could have evolved up to the new show. So here are some headcanons about it (2k words below):

The Cosmas:

For Cosmo’s relationship with his brother, I like to think they kept in touch after Schnozmo’s introduction, writing letters and seeing each other every so often, mainly at a bar or restaurant because 1. Wanda doesn’t want that man anywhere near her home (whether it’s their actual house or their godkid’s place) and 2. Schnozmo can convince his brother to pay for the two of them so might as well get a free meal out of it.

On that note, while they get along and would say they have a good relationship, Cosmo would definitely be a bit more guarded around Schnozmo, at least as in he understands why Wanda doesn’t want to be around him and he refuses to lend him any money knowing it won’t be paid back.

And outside of Cosmo, like I said Wanda doesn’t exactly like the guy. She can stand being in the same room as him and has no issues with Cosmo having a relationship with him but she doesn’t trust her BIL one bit. Schnozmo can sense her hostility and keeps his distance as a result, if he can’t get anything from her he’s not going to bother get on her good side.

As for Peri, Schnozmo strikes me as the kind of guy who doesn’t really like kids (at least he had the decency to save the baby in his episode but they don’t exactly interact outside of it) so I could see him make no effort in bonding with his nephew and tell Cosmo not to bring him along when they hang out. And once Peri’s grown, his uncle is basically a stranger so why should he care for the guy, likewise Schnozmo writes him off like he does Wanda.

With Mama Cosma things are a little bit more complicated. Ok so first off I know it’s not actually canon but rather something many people parrot but I really like the idea of Cosmo being 10 000 years old during the og show. This means that, with the knowledge he and Wanda had been married for over 9 000 years (I think the exact number is 9 895 years?), Cosmo only spend about 1/100 of his life with his mom before running off. So despite being a mama’s boy, he isn’t afraid to go no contact with her for a long period of time.

(More on the relationship between Cosmo and his mom in this post. Yeah I’m having a blast with the angst potential of Cosmo being one of the most powerful fairies out there but being considered both a danger and “waste of potential” due to being “dumber” than the average fairy)

But yeah during the events of the og show the two of them reunite and spend a lot of time together, with Mama Cosma especially coming in handy when they need someone to babysit Poof (she dealt with one overpowered baby, she can do with another one).

However, she’s basically playing doll with her grandson so by the time he turns 5-6 (if not earlier) and starts having his own opinions and as a result starts saying “no” to things, Mama Cosma does not take it well and becomes verbally abusive towards the kid. She also tells him there’s no use ratting her out to his parents in a mix of “they wouldn’t believe you” and “you don’t want to make your dad angry and sad do you?”.

Eventually Timmy hears about it and wastes no time telling Cosmo and Wanda, and Cosmo is pissed. So they go to the Cosma’s house, Cosmo tells his mom off because you know she wouldn’t listen to Wanda, some nasty things are said and Cosmo decides to cut contact with her again, this time more openly and making it clear it’s permanent and she better not try anything or she’ll regret it, especially since she knows how powerful her son is.

Also once they get back home Cosmo would profusely apologize to Wanda about never standing up for her. Because I like to think that Cosmo had always been pretty unhappy with how his mom acted towards his wife but chalked it up to Mama Cosma not having seen him in a long time and being a bit possessive as a result, hoping she would calm down with time and turning a blind eye when she didn’t. Wanda wouldn’t be too happy it took their son being hurt for Cosmo to do anything, but at least they’re finally done dealing with Mama Cosma.

So yeah after that they don’t have any contact. Maybe she’d try meeting them at some point only to be told off again (it’d be funny if she showed up like “I gave you some time to cool off son now about me getting back into your life” but she does it 20 years later because time just works differently when you’re immortal).

I could also see the possibility that, when Peri is well into his job and out of the house, Wanda would give Cosmo permission to have a relationship with Mama Cosma again if he wishes too, since I could see him miss her a bit, though I’m not sure Cosmo would take the risk. If he does, it would be with hard boundaries like Mama Cosma being forbidden from having any interaction with Wanda and Peri, never meeting at the Fairywinkle-Cosma house and if Mama Cosma makes a single comment about Wanda or Peri she’s out the door.

So yeah a complicated toxic relationship that would end with no contact but might open up at some point. Maybe. Probably not for a few millennia at least.

And if I need to say a word about Jorgen since he and Cosmo are cousins, I don’t see them discovering their ancestry as changing anything about their dynamic. Jorgen is still Cosmo’s boss and acts like it, same with Wanda. The fact those two often get in trouble for their kids’ wishes along with Cosmo being Cosmo doesn’t help in Jorgen keeping it solely professional between them.

As for Peri, while Jorgen does seem to have a bit of a soft spot for him (Peri flinching every single time Dev yells at him shows he’s a bit of a coward yet he shields his parents against Jorgen in “Lost in Fairy World” + Jorgen calling him “Peri-weri”), I could see it as having more to do with Peri being the youngest fairy rather than a family connection. Tbh in general I see Peri as being babied by most people who knew him as a kid, to his dismay (this is also my explanation as to why he changed his name, he wants people to stop immediately identify him as the last baby born).

Also I can’t speak about the Tooth Fairy because I barely remember anything about her personality in the og show and New Wish doesn’t exactly put her in the best light, so I’m going to say she’s like Jorgen on that front, not seeing the Fairywinkle-Cosma as family members and being nicer to Peri (her offering him a job) because she knew him as a baby.

The Fairywinkles:

For Blonda, I see her and Wanda as still having a tense relationship but they can handle being in the same room and do small talk. I also like to think that they’re jealous of each other, with Wanda feeling insecure when seeing her sister’s success while Blonda is envious of her twin’s simpler life (“simpler” as in “doesn’t have to deal with crazy fans and constant pressure to stay relevant”). So yeah they don’t exactly get along great but they can handle family reunions. Also if they talk things out there could be potential for a reconciliation.

As for how she feels about Wanda’s family, I could see Blonda be neutral towards Cosmo. She doesn’t mind interacting with him and might even find him funny, but she’s not too close to him either and doesn’t understand what Wanda sees in him.

In return, Cosmo’s chill with her. She doesn’t openly insult him so he takes it as her being nice and friendly with him (yeah when every single fairy you meet either mocks you or is terrified of you, the bar gets very low). That being said he’d probably feel uncomfortable whenever she insults Wanda and as a result doesn’t make any attempt to interact with her outside of family reunions. He also lets Wanda call the shots on whether or not they should interact with Blonda, understanding it’s complicated between the two and not wanting to pressure Wanda into a relationship she might not want.

For Peri, I could see Blonda babysit him a few times when he was a toddler if only because he was a celebrity back then and she could get some clout out of it. Although if you take the idea of her being envious of Wanda’s simpler life, I could also see Blonda babysit her nephew even after he stopped being popular because she enjoyed feeling like a regular fairy from time to time.

(the way I see it Poof was popular because his birth gave fairies hope that the baby ban was going to be lifted; but when it became clear the Fairy Council had no desire to change their rules, the hype died down and even turned into resentment towards the Fairywinkle-Cosma trio, one of the reasons why Cosmo and Wanda “moved out” of Fairy World once Peri was an adult)

As for how Peri feels about her, I could see him enjoy hanging out with her as a kid and especially as a teen (not sure how to explain it but Blonda strikes me as someone who could get along well with kids, like she’s the cool aunt who also spoils you rotten). But also Blonda doesn’t really have much of a filter when it comes to insulting Wanda so as he grows up and hears more and more of her comments, Peri would get defensive of his mom and spend less time with his aunt.

Tbh he likely already defended his mom as a kid but back then Blonda would just deflect in a “I’m just joking” kind of way and move on to something else, with Peri being too young to know how to properly react. But as a teen, he better understands that he can just leave the room and talk to her less.

And between him not wanting to see her much and Wanda having a bad relationship with her, the last time Blonda saw her nephew before a potential meeting during New Wish would be back when he was like 16-17 (so a good 5-6 years).

Finally for Big Daddy, we see in the og show that Wanda has a good relationship with him for the most part and often writes him letters (he even knew about Timmy). That being said she’s also intimidated by him and is afraid to stand up to him, causing her to lie about Timmy’s personality and hide her marriage.

So my idea for him is pretty similar to Cosmo and his brother. Wanda has a relationship with her father but she’s the one visiting him, mainly because he lives a dangerous life and she doesn’t want to put her family at risk. Also Big Daddy doesn’t like Cosmo so there’s no point in him visiting the guy, and since Cosmo’s terrified of his FIL he’d be more than happy to keep it that way. Maybe sometimes for a family dinner Cosmo’s invited, which is also when he’d interact with Blonda, but Big Daddy would mostly ignore him in those instances.

For Peri tho, since Big Daddy seems like a family man I could definitely see him want to have a relationship with his grandson, and after a while protesting Wanda eventually caves in (since again she struggles with saying no to him). She tries to still keep Peri away for his safety, like not having him every time she visits or keeping the visits short, but yeah Big Daddy would know his grandson and be attached to him.

Once he’s an adult Peri would definitely keep contact with his grandpa, especially since at that point he’d have the maturity to understand the risk (basically staying in contact with Big Daddy would be an informed decision and his own choice).

[chickenparm]

Proof of Concept (Kaveh/gn!Reader)

So, I read his story leaks, had a legitimate weep over this stupid, beatiful man, then set everything to the side for a moment to crank this out. Originally it was meant to be "ha ha silly dramatics" and then it very quickly evolved into "let's explore kaveh's deep-seated abandonment issues and his skewed perception of his self-worth".

anyway, enjoy, expect more kaveh.

AO3 Link

Kaveh/gn!Reader 3,847 Words - SFW Hurt/Comfort, spiraling internal monologues about self-worth in a relationship, slight codependency, resolved angst, Kaveh cries but never in front of anyone and you can't change my mind.

Kaveh owes more to you than Dori ever could have conjured up as a debt to keep him in shackles. Yet you don’t hold him down, you don’t demand constant recompense. In fact, you never make mention at all that the betterment of his life and mental health stems from you and you alone. 

When he moved out of Alhaitham’s home and into yours, Alhaitham had a rare show of concern that to any other onlooker might have been mistaken for cruelty or unnecessary jabs. But Kaveh is well aware of Alhaitham’s thought processes, loathe as he is to admit it, and understands that Alhaitham’s question isn’t posed out of malice, but of a subtle concern for someone that had once been his friend, and now exists in a nebulous in-between. 

Are you sure it’s wise to place so much stock in them? Your trust has been misplaced before, don’t put it in the wrong place again.

Perhaps on another day, Kaveh might’ve nearly spit in Alhaitham’s face for questioning both his and your integrity. But there’s something bittersweet about standing in the doorway of this home with the knowledge that it might be his last time here as a resident. Quietly, he shuts the door rather than leaves, and asks, “It must look pathetic, doesn’t it?”

“Unbelievably so, but I figured you wouldn’t welcome such an observation.”

“But you still feel the need to make it.” Kaveh’s back thuds against the door as he leans on it, the last bag of his belongings falling to the tiled floor. “I’ve always done what I think is right. Even at the detriment to myself. So tell me, Alhaitham, what would you have me do?”

“That’s not for me to decide. You and I both know that our ways of thinking are very different.” Alhaitham could have been more roundabout in calling Kaveh an idiot, but the blond appreciates Alhaitham’s candor tonight, nonetheless. “I’m just saying, don’t be blinded by your feelings to the point of tripping into yet another difficult situation. I’m under no obligation to help you again.”

No obligation, but he probably would anyway.

“Well, I won’t haunt your humble doorstep again, in that case.”

Kaveh wouldn’t dream of asking outright, he’d simply be sitting at the breakfast table one morning with red-rimmed eyes and a despondency that Alhaitham would pointedly ignore. They’d fall into the usual routine, and Alhaitham would call back into the house to remind Kaveh of the rent that’s been overdue since the first month Kaveh moved in. 

Yes, Kaveh knows his attachment is pathetic. But a lifetime of transient relationships from the most mundane scholar down to his own parents - one more permanent than the other - leaves him with an emptiness in his chest that he’s relished and nurtured up until the very moment you came along and filled it so easily. 

Your home is empty when he returns to it later that night. If you’d been here and asked, he’d have told you the trust that he took the long way home to clear his head. And then you’d ask if he spoke with Alhaitham before leaving. Kaveh would say yes, and you’d ask no more questions because if anyone understood the weird, hot-and-cold friendship of antagonism he shares with the Scribe, it would be you. 

But you aren’t home, and these questions aren’t exchanged, because he’d been adamant he finish bringing over the last few bits of his belongings while you were still out working. I don’t want to trouble you, Kaveh all but whined when you offered to call out of work for the day, for something that would only take an hour or so at most. 

Though, his little detour cost him the majority of that hour, but it’s fine. You weren’t home, you don’t notice the pinched expression on his face as he places the last of his tools in the spare bedroom you offered him to use as his office space. Much more roomy than the corner Alhaitham had afforded him, with a spacious desk you let him pick out himself, because this was his space, in the home you now share. 

If requested, he’d drop to his knees before the Dendro Archon herself and profess his love for you. Thoughts of grand exclamations of his affections danced through his mind between memorized ratios for concrete and recollected dimensions of a particular building he’s been commissioned to renovate. 

None of those had come to fruition. One morning, when he stayed over at this very house, in the very bed across the hall, you’d rolled over and cracked your eyes open before murmuring your love for him at the time of day when honesty at its most raw. And he’d taken you into his arms all over again, clutching you to his chest and stubbornly refusing to let you go lest you see the tears welling in his eyes. 

Kaveh doesn’t cry in front of you, nor anyone else. Bottling it up is just easier. Then he can unpack things later, and truly feel the crushing weight of everything when he’s the only one that will suffer the consequences. He’s the only one that deserves to suffer through them.

It had been a long time since someone claimed any sort of affection for him, platonic or otherwise. At least in any way that felt clear and true. Sure, his mother sends letters from Fontaine, and she closes them with an obligatory sentence about how she loves her son, tucked between sentences about her new husband and how she’s found happiness again. 

Why couldn’t it have been in a place I could be, too? He wonders later at night, but then he feels you shift in his arms in the darkness of the room and doesn’t mind so much anymore. If he’d followed her to Fontaine, he never would’ve made friends with Tighnari, who never would have introduced him to you, who never would have allowed him to love with all he has. 

Kaveh’s heart had to learn to beat in new ways, to accommodate the affection you provide him, and the room he’s been given to exercise such muscles. 

One by one, he places tools on his desk and aligns them carefully according to his muscle memory. In the midst of a bout of inspiration, little time can be wasted on lifting his eyes to find the right pencil, the right scale, the right template. It’s in the midst of a focus similar to that he doesn’t hear the front door open, or quiet steps down the short hallway. 

But the corner of his eyes catch you standing in the doorway, watching him quietly with an unreadable expression. When Kaveh gives you his full attention, your mouth blooms into a familiar smile as you step into the room. “Everything go okay? Sorry I couldn’t be around to help.”

“There wasn’t much to help with.” Kaveh waves a hand, swatting away your apologies that are unwarranted. “Besides, I don’t want to-”

“-be trouble, I know.” An exasperated look crosses your face, just for a second. Kaveh’s heart clenches - he’s not fond of seeing anything on your face that isn’t happiness. He’s yet to reach the end of your patience, but everyone has a limit. It takes only one single brick for a load bearing wall to crumble. Tonight especially, he’s come to realize that the structure of his wellbeing has been carefully crafted around you as its foundation. 

Kaveh is snapped out of his thoughts as you take his hand in your own. Like surfacing from a still pool of water he hadn’t realized he’d been drowning in, Kaveh takes a sharp breath and looks at you with a smooth mix of astonishment and gratitude. The exasperation is gone, and in its place is worry. “Are you alright? Are you having second thoughts?”

“Never.” Kaveh says a little too forcefully, a little too vehement. It’s not himself he needs to convince of his adamancy for this being a good decision; he could never regret sharing a home with you and building it further. It’s you, who is suddenly looking concerned. Kaveh takes your other hand as well, his fingers lacing with yours until they’re pressed palm-to-palm. “Just silly thoughts in my head that have been plaguing me all day. Nothing for you to worry about, dear, I just need to shake them off.”

“If you’re sure…” You’re not convinced. But you don’t push, and he won’t reveal a thing until he’s ready. He only hopes that his hand won’t be forced in the form of begging you to put up with him a little longer rather than cast him to the side. Swallowing hard, he pushes those thoughts away with vicious force. You’re not leaving him, he’s done nothing wrong, the two of you are in love-

Again, he’s drawn from his head by your fingers squeezing his own comfortingly. “Then, I’ll believe you. I’m gonna make dinner, anything you want in particular? Sounds like you’ve had a hard day.”

“I’m fine with whatever’s easy for you. I’m going to be in here a little longer getting things set up, if you don’t need help.”

A shrug, a quiet agreement, and your lips pressed to his cheek saying more words than you’ve let free verbally. All he needs to do is call your name, and you’d turn right back around and listen to what’s laying heavily on his mind. But how does it go about telling you that what sits on his shoulders with the most weight is the prospect of you growing tired of him, of you realizing that there might be another out there that offers more for you than he could ever hope to?

So, Kaveh lets you go and turns back to his drafting table. Muscle memory or not, he’s realized he’s placed his tools in the wrong order anyway.

---

Kaveh expected things to feel different. 

He’s not disappointed - no, he’s actually rather happy about it all. Living with you had been something he fretted over for months before you were the one to bring it up. To be in your presence constantly was a gift for him, and you expressed the same sentiment, but there’s always a part of him gnawing away at his resolve. 

Perhaps you’re just being nice, or you don’t feel the need to tell him outright that maybe he’s a little too loud at night while working on scale models. Maybe you don’t find it necessary to reveal your annoyances when Kaveh forgets to wash his coffee cup before leaving in the morning, or when he wakes up before you and rams his shin on the edge of the bed because he doesn’t want to turn any lights on to disturb you. 

You’re disturbed anyway, but your smile is nothing but sweet and sympathetic as he stands on one leg and clutches his shin and tries to bite back his swears of both pain and frustration at himself. Honestly, it’s been weeks, he should be used to the layout even before moving in, when he stayed here often enough that it seemed the natural next step. 

When he brings up his apologies for all those made-up grievances - his loud tendencies, his infrequent scatterbrained memory in times of hurry, the growing bruise on his shin - you’re purely confused at it all. 

“I’m sorry for being so loud the other night.”

“Were you loud? Ah, Alhaitham mentioned something like that. He gave me these little squishy things to put in my ears so I can still sleep, see?”

And that’s one worry that slips away from him with only a few words from you. You’d never been upset in the first place. 

“I’ll try to remember to do my dishes before I leave.”

“Oh, your cup? I make myself breakfast and have to do my own dishes anyway. It’s okay if you leave it, I’ll get it for you.”

He still feels a little guilty when he sets the mug next to the sink, and decides on a happy medium where he rinses it out at least. There, now they both can be satisfied with the outcome, he tells himself as he stomps down the doubt beginning to creep in once more. 

As you sit with him in the bathroom after his incident with the side of the bed and his shin, you make him sit on the counter so you can observe the growing bruise. Your fingers poke and prod, and while he hisses in discomfort a few times, you’re satisfied that it at least isn’t broken in any way. “You’ll make a full recovery, my good patient.”

“So no amputations? Thank goodness, what a relief.” Kaveh’s head rolls back to really emphasize his appreciation for keeping all his limbs, and also to hide the way his cheeks flush pink and his nerves creep to the surface. You’re not normally awake at this hour, yet here you are kneeling in front of him as you return from the kitchen with an ice pack. 

The chill of it pressing to his skin makes him inhale sharply, and your laughter fills the bathroom as you look far too mischievous for that to have been a mistake. “Guess you didn’t hear my warning. Whoops!”

Kaveh knows damn well you hadn’t said a word. Lost in thoughts or not, he’s got enough presence of mind to keep an iota of attention on you - Kaveh is always watching, always on the lookout for your moods, always worried that this next minor slip-up will be the one to make you realize it’s easier to disentangle yourself from him. 

Almost everyone else does.

But things fall into a rhythm as he settles into the home you now share with him. Kaveh forgets his keys once, and the next time he finds a spare key tucked into the eaves of the house without a word of admonishment on your part. You come home late from work one evening and he’s made your favorite dinner and washed up the dishes. 

And a new project is breaking ground and requiring him to be out later than usual, more often than not. By the time he gets home, you’re fast asleep, leftovers in the fridge for him if he’s hungry. Even if he isn’t, he eats them anyway, if only because you put the effort into thinking of him. Kaveh only hopes you hadn’t been waiting up for him. 

Tentatively, he closes the bedroom door and leans on it. You’re curled around his pillow, your face buried in the fabric as you fell asleep while inhaling his scent. His heart clenches, panic creeping in at the thought of you going to bed alone and pining for him while he was miles away working. 

Kaveh should have been here. He should have been firm that he wasn’t going to stay late at the site, so he could return home to his partner and ensure that they’re happy, and laughing, and not lonely in the slightest. Precedence should’ve been given to you, because you’ve always given it to him. He’s been unbelievably selfish and self-centered, and only realized it when it was just a little too-

“Kaveh…?” Your voice breaks through, mired with your leftover sleep as you break from a dream and look at him through cracked eyes. “What’s wrong?”

Everything, he wants to say, and it’s my fault.

The light catches on his jaw as he chews his cheek, and your eyes zero in from across the room. A nervous tick, something he does when he’s stalling for time and thinking of an answer that he thinks is going to be the most diplomatic. Yet he’s never needed to be that way with you, he’s supposed, and under your scrutiny he quietly cracks. 

The bed dips under him as he disrobes and climbs beneath the sheets. Rather than push you out of his space meant for him to sleep in, he simply winds himself into the empty spaces left amongst your limbs until his chest is pressed to your back in a perfect curve. Nowhere ever feels as right as when he’s pressed against you. The only time his heart feels as if it’s beating at a proper tempo is when it’s perfectly matching yours. 

And the thought of losing this, of having ruined things with thoughtless actions makes his lungs feel too shallow to pull in a full breath of air. They shudder with the effort, stinging just as much as his eyes as he buries his face into the crook of your neck and hopes to every Archon listening that you don’t feel the dampness on your skin from his overwhelming feelings. 

Kaveh flinches as your hand comes to rest on his forearm winding around your waist. The tips of your fingers trace along his skin, along silvery scars you’ve memorized from that accident so long ago that had been so detrimental to him mentally, rather than physically. Beneath the pads of your fingers, they’re less obtrusive, even after years of smoothing via the passage of time. 

Biting his tongue, Kaveh holds his breath to avoid the quake of his body as it attempts to breathe in and then let it all out in a harsh sob. You don’t need this, you don’t need to know why he’s desolate, even if it’s because of you. Desperately, he wants to keep you close, to show that he can do better if you’ll only give him another chance, and another, and another…

“Kaveh, darling, why are you crying?” Your voice has more clarity now; you hadn’t gone back to sleep after he took you into his arms. Kaveh should’ve figured that, and he self-admonishes that it would be awfully difficult to remain asleep if your lover was clinging to you and wetting your skin with their tears. 

How does he begin to tell you what he’s feeling? Of all the seminars and lectures he’d been to during his time in the Akademiya, a fair few of them began with a question for the audience. It’s as good a tactic as any, and he pulls away to wet his lips and grimace at the salt gathered there from his tears. Quietly, he poses the question, “Are you going to leave me?”

Anyone else would have responded with an outburst. A demand to explain what he’s talking about, how he’s come to that conclusion, why they’re being accused of that. But a quiet sigh leaves you as your fingers continue their trail along the skin of his arms. It’s not a denial, not at first, and his breath starts to pick up before you adeptly calm him with only a few words. 

“I knew something was going on in that pretty head of yours.” You don’t turn to look at him, affording him a bit of privacy when you could’ve easily looked him in the eye and put him on the spot. Kaveh leans heavily against you, burying his face in your neck once more to take in whatever comfort he can glean from you before you let him down. It would only be your right, of course. 

Your hand stops, instead wrapping around his wrist, to pull it from your body. When his hand is freed, you lace your fingers together and squeeze hard. The sharp sting makes him inhale, clears his thoughts for just a moment so he can fully listen as you say, “I’ll never leave you, Kaveh. But I need you to tell me what brought this one on.”

The wording is precise; this isn’t the first time. It can be attributed to a myriad of things, but they all can be boiled down to their base level of definition. “I don’t deserve you.”

“Says who? You?” It’s a bit biting, but that’s what he needs right now, he knows. Softness lets him slip away, lets him dig deep into his woes and wrap them tightly to the point of strangulation. Only a firm hand is enough to keep him grounded in the moment, to keep him listening to what you have to say. “Kaveh, there’s only one person who gets to decide who deserves me, and that’s me. And there’s no one else that I’d rather love than you. I’m not going to leave you, even if you want me to. You’re stuck with me.”

Stuck. As if you were the burden, not the one in this relationship that shoulders the majority of burdens. Kaveh lets out a quivering sigh, one that breezes across your skin amongst the wetness left there, chilling to the point of goosebumps. “I love you. I just feel like I don’t give you everything that you need, or deserve. The entire world is just out of my grasp.”

“I feel rather fulfilled without the whole world, thank you.” Sass seeps through, your fingers tightening around his own briefly before you shift back further against him. The gesture emphasizes your adamancy as you say rather plainly, “Excess is just that. I don’t need anything more than what you’re already giving me - your love, and companionship. Seeing you happy is all I want, Kaveh. Are you happy with me?”

“Unbelievably so, that’s why I’m terrified that you’re not. It would be so easy for you to just… cut loose and count your losses-”

“Easy for whom? Certainly not for me, because losing you would be something I’d never fully recover from.” The hand not holding his reaches up to tangle in his hair for a moment, fingers pushing hair behind his ear in a blind, clumsy movement that he leans into on instinct. Your voice is lower and even as you remind him of a simple fact that he often overlooks in his moments of weakness. “I love you. You mean everything to me.”

The tension in his shoulders eases, the tightness of his jaw loosens so he can feel the ache of his teeth from the pressure. He hadn’t realized how tightly he’d been wound until you deftly untangle him with so little effort. The tremble of his voice is unmistakable as a fresh wave of tears come, this time in relief. “I love you, too. So much that it hurts. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“Probably the same as me, which is ‘be a disaster’. We’re better together, Kaveh. There’s nothing you could do that would make me love you any less.” 

A sharp whoosh of air leaves you as his arms suddenly wind tight, abandoning your hand in favor of simply clinging to you with all the strength he can muster. 

Kaveh expected things to feel different. And they do, bit by bit. It’s a work in progress, a first draft, a proof of concept as the two of you build toward something safe and wonderful. In the morning, he’ll drink his coffee and hold your words close enough that the heat and pressure will burn them into the fibers of his beating heart, meant only for you. 

[captain-mj]

Brown Sugar Latte

Ghost ended up back at the cafe the very next day. Soap looked tired. And sad, but that was the man’s permanent state of being Ghost was coming to realize. He perked up when he saw Ghost. 

“What are you trying today?”

“What do you normally drink?” Ghost smiled at him. He exaggerated it enough that it was clear even through the mask. 

Soap smiled and Ghost instantly felt warmer. “Oh. Usually a brown sugar latte. Do you want to try it?”

Ghost nodded and Soap charged him, getting to work. Since the place was abandoned so early in the morning, Ghost walked along the counter so they could talk. 

“So, military. What position are you?”

“Lieutenant.” 

“That where you get the scars from?” Soap looked at him curiously. He had such pretty eyelashes. 

Ghost shrugged. “Some. The smile scars were from my service.”

“I see.” Soap looked even more curious, but he tamped it down. Ghost was grateful. 

“I was…” He could do this. Before the military, he whored around quite a bit. This was easy. Just… Just flirt with the guy. They already maybe went on a date. 

Soap finished the drink but hadn’t handed it over yet. “Yes, Simon?” 

Ghost flushed and apparently it was bright enough it reached the skin around his eyes, because Soap perked up. 

“Love making ye all flustered. Are you always this shy?”

What the fuck. Just form words. Form. Words. 

Soap smirked at him but gave him time. It didn’t feel as mocking as it would from someone else. Instead, it just felt amused. 

“I was wondering how long you’ve been working here?”

Soap visibly deflated. “Ah. Uh. Since I was…” He seemed to be doing some intense math. “8 years. I started at 16 and now I own it.”

“How did that happen?” Ghost looked curious. 

“Long… long story. Not very entertaining either. Trust me.”

“I think I could listen to you talk no matter how boring the story.” Good job. A lot more suave than before.”

Soap blushed. “Later. I want to know more about you, sir.” 

Ghost laughed. “At ease, soldier. And not really much to know. I’m boring.” 

“Covered in scars and tall. Pretty brown eyes. I really doubt you could be boring.” Soap knew all the right things to make Ghost squirm. 

Ghost went to take the cup from it.

“Tell me a secret.”

“A secret?”

“Yep. Just one.”

“A secret from you or something I’ve never told anyone?”

Soap grinned. “Something none of your friends right now knows. Opens up the path to so many childhood secrets.” 

Ghost had to pause and really think. He decided to pretend Jason wouldn’t know all of his childhood secrets. 

“When I was little. I was really scared of skulls.” Ghost stared at him. 

Soap stared at him, clearly looking at the skull mask on his face rather than him. He then glanced at the skeleton gloves. Then back at his face. “Really?”

“Yep. Terrified of them. My dad had one that brother would wear to scare me. I eventually got over it. Now, tell me one.” 

Soap hummed. “I…” He fiddled with one of the rings on his hand. “I haven’t talked to my family in a 8 years. I think about them a lot, but I can’t really… They…”

“I get it.” Ghost looked at him sadly. “Maybe not your reasons why. But I definitely get how sucky it can be to no longer be able to talk to your family.” 

He thought of their little graves. Five. His mom, his brother, his sister in law and his nephew. And his of course. He hadn’t bothered to buy himself a tombstone though. He just had a little placard. 

Soap smiled at him. He finally handed him the drink. He went to move away and Ghost didn’t want him to.

“Have you ever heard the saying two ships in the night?”

“I have.” Soap tilted his head. “Why?”

“What would you name your ship?”

Soap hummed. “The S.S. Seal.”

“I like it. You really like seals.”

Soap laughed. And laughed. And laughed. 

Ghost couldn’t figure out the joke, but he smiled anyway. “Would you like to go out later?”

“Thought you would never ask, Ghostie.” Soap smiled at him. He looked so painfully soft. 

Ghost’s wings twitched under his skin. That wasn’t… normal. He didn’t usually do that. “When do you get off tomorrow?”

“7.”

“You work twelve hour shifts?”

“Don’t want to hire anyone.” Soap smiled. “But I’ll see you at 7, yeah?”

Ghost nodded and look at the drink. The foam had been shaped in the form of a skull instead of a heart. 

“Would’ve stuck to a heart if you would’ve told me your secret earlier.” Soap winced.

“Don’t worry. I like them now.” Ghost blushed more and then left. He texted to Koenig an apology and then talked to Jason. “What cool is happening right now?”

“Date with the barista?”

“Yep, hoping to score.” 

“Hell yeah! There’s an underground concert, fair, and a bar with karaoke night.”

“The fair. What do you mean fair?”

“Oh. It’s ran by mythics, but its human friendly if your barista is human.”

“Good to know.” Ghost thought of those dart games and knew he had to do this. Soap would probably love it. He hoped. Maybe it was a bit cheesy for a first date though… “What band?”

“Sleep Token, but they’re here all week. Could get you tickets that you conveniently have?”

“You’re creepily good at being a wingman. Remind me to give you a single head pat when we see each other again.” 

Jason sent back gifs of crying from happiness and Ghost ignored them. He instead went to drink his coffee. It was overly sweet, but he kinda liked it. 

Ghost thought of Soap and felt his heart flutter. His wings twitched inside again. How frustrating. The man had such an effect on him. He couldn’t help but feel this pull. 

Ghost switched his route to go to Jason’s instead. He didn’t want to go home. 

Jason looked surprised but eager to get his one (1) head pat from Ghost. He took it with grace and promptly lit up a joint. Maybe Ghost should tell him no. Price drug tested him at random, but he knew weed wasn’t what he was looking for. 

Jason held the joint out and Ghost lit it for him, blowing just a spark out so it would catch. “Your date isn’t tonight right?”

“No. Don’t worry.” Ghost took it from him and took a deep drag. He felt some of the anxiety roll off of him immediately, pretty sure half of it was the smell. 

Jason leaned into him and Ghost let him. He closed his eyes to enjoy the warmth. 

“Simon.” Jason whispered to him. “Don’t die on me. Yeah?”

Ghost laughed. “Not going to die on ya. Don't worry.”

Taglist: @the-snarky-dragon @elevenclouds @lukewarm-chickensoup @nervouspsychologynerd @korym @cthulhusstepmom @princess-heathen @badbitchescantgetkilled @revenge-of-the-bucket-demon @roachboy

[centrally-unplanned]

The Gaza floating pier plan is an odd one, I was doing a bit of research & thinking on its logic. Like obviously you can get more aid in Gaza right now, its just Israel (and also Egypt, who buck-passes on this constantly) refuses to in turn increase aid or admit that aid is being truly slowed. Though also its a function of the fact the demand for aid is much higher than before, both through destroyed stocks, loss of domestic agricultural output (which Gaza had a little of pre-war), and supply needs for the occupation forces. And its not like the US right now really wants to get more involved in this issue, its net losses for the US as far as the eye can see. So it puts a bit of a permanent stake in a situation one would rather not, to solve a problem whose cause is tangential to this solution.

But on digging I do see the logic in it - essentially its a sign of the US - or lets the say the Biden admin, good to be specific - losing faith in not only Israel's conduct in the war, but also its goals for the war at all. It symbolizes that not only does the Biden admin expect them to not overly budge on the blockade issue, but they still will not be overly budging on it several months from now. But that this isn't a part of some Grand Strategy on their part, a strategic play to idk pressure Hamas to come to the table or even like weaponize suffering to cause legitimacy collapse. They just can't get around to a coherent end-state vision here, and things like aid restrictions are just strategy theatre run amok, "can't let in the ~weapons oh no" thoughts running on autopilot while Israel fights with itself over its goals. You can tell this because they are letting the port happen! They could just say no, if Lebanon tried to do this they would bomb it.

But of course while the Biden admin is less than thrilled about increased involvement, it (primarily) knows how badly this issue is damaging rep in the middle east given its stuck with its wedded ally, (secondarily) generally is opposed to famine and human rights crimes in any context and needs a strong reason to ignore them (which, to be clear, does happen sometimes, but this the baseline), and (tertiarily) doesn't love the domestic tension the issue is generating. And it no longer trusts Israel to fix its own mistakes in this regard. So it wants to "take it out of their hands" - now the US can set the tempo of aid deliveries, and Israel can't really stop it. (Like sure if they truly throw down they can block aid, they are going to cooperating on security for the pier, but it would be big leap in spiting the US for them to do that) It bypasses their dysfunction, which they expect to be ongoing. ~2 months from now the US can make sure if/when things have continued to go badly it can start mitigating harm and also control the narrative better.

This is cold comfort for any of the ongoing problems today, which are legion. But the other message of the pier is that those aren't changing. Israel isn't budging, and hey we haven't mentioned em yet but Hamas isn't budging either, they scuttled the latest round of cease fire talks and know that their demand of a permanent cease-fire at this point is a non-starter so I think that shows status quo reigning. Hey, maybe we will see what comes out of Doha in the next few days, but I bet it won't be too surprising (a short term hostage exchange is possible but that won't relieve the big issues). I am low certainty on this but if I am Hamas I think so far this is "going according to plan", certainly they wish they were inflicting more causalities on the IDF but they have a track record of realism on this one, they knew this would happen and politically things have been going well for them. And Israeli's political dysfunction seems stable as long as no elections are called, which is the smart money right now (Unless the Orthodox Jewish Freerider Problem blows the coalition up). So for the Biden Admin, the overton window for immediate action is very small, which means that they think plans that have longer time horizons make sense.

Idk it could just be them flailing and trying to look like they are Doing Something, but generally their track record on this front is pretty solid, Biden FP has been grounded (not the same as universally effective, though I think its been good overall). And Doing Something only works if it isn't a boondoggle, 2 months from now isn't after the election after all. Incompetence is possible, sure, but given their track record not my baseline, and I think the logic here does check out. Time will tell...

[buckyarchives]

The Domestic Life of Living with a Runaway Assassin. [chapter two.]

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x soulmate!reader

Summary: you hate many things in life. you hate soulmates. you hate the avengers. you hate guns. you hate loud snorers and complicated relationships.

Bucky Barnes is associated with all of those things, yet you can't find yourself hating him

w.c: 4.6k

Author note: not proud of this chapter, lightly edited and i’m simply to lazy to go over again and again

Masterlist | playlist

“Dude, I understand you’re going through a lot right now but can we tone down the grimacing a little?” 

It's been one month since the field trip to the Smithsonian, it was hard to say exactly when it clicked in Bucky’s head he had a pseudo-permanent place here. Especially with the recent development of the free bedroom since your roommate moved out. His appearances before were minimal, only ever breaking into your apartment late at night when the weather was too shitty and he decided he wanted a warm meal or cereal. Bucky would usually leave before you left for work and left almost no trace of him even being there.

For the most part, you stayed at arm's length. Made it very clear that just because you two were destined to be by the universe, didn’t mean you had to act like it. Bucky looked like a kicked puppy when you explained that to him, but he kept his feelings under wraps. If he even had any. 

You weren’t sure if he trusted you yet, considering his past. But you can assume ever since he finally slept on your couch rather than the hardwood floor next to it – he's started to trust you. And by trust, you mean beginning to stay at your house for more things than just 3 hours of sleep or cornflakes. If bucky wasn’t wanted by both Nazis and Captain America you'd be asking him to pay rent by now.

Bucky also had a horrible staring problem.

“I’m not grimacing,” he mumbled.

“You literally look like the grinch right now.”

His eyebrows furrowed, “who?”

“Oh my god.” you dragged out, rising from your seat and heading towards the kitchen. 6:31 pm glowed green on your stove. “Are you hungry?”

Bucky hums to himself, his metal hand grazing above the soft fur of your cat's head. “I’m always hungry.”

“Why do I even ask? Penne or rigatoni?” you shuffled through your unhealthy amount of pasta stored away. 

“I don’t care.” you heard Bucky’s footsteps trail into the kitchen, you noticed pretty early on that he chose when he wanted his presence to be known. Bucky called you perceptive for figuring that out. you thought it was pretty obvious. 

You already had pasta sauce leftovers from a few nights ago, good enough.

Something else you had noticed over the few weeks, being in Bucky's presence made you feel weirdly at ease. A part of you hope that it wasn’t something destined to be pulled towards each other that the universe made up, you weren’t mentally prepared to admit the universe was right. For all you know, Bucky is a pity case and you're just trying to keep him alive. 

It also didn’t help the fact you had to keep reminding yourself of this all the time.

But silence followed Bucky like it was made for him, he communicated with short (and usually quite rude) sentences or just his various facial expressions. Which were mostly confused and scared. Every once in and while he’d smile, but it was barely there and half the time Bucky would have already bit it back or turned the other way so you wouldn’t notice.

Sometimes you forgot you were harboring a runaway assassin, your wanted soulmate. Like this, faint sounds of pots clinking and the smell of simple Marianna cooking. Bucky sitting a few feet behind you, bouncing his leg and petting Alpine. Speaking of…

“Hey! Alpines not allowed on the table!” You grabbed the scruff of the Snow White cat's fur and tossed him on the floor, he hissed at you the entire way. Bucky watched with judging eyes.

“You're just jealous.” Bucky mumbled under his breath, monotone as ever.

“Pardon?” You were sure if you tried it, the spoon in your hand would break upon hitting his forearm, but it was still held heavy and ready to strike. “What did you say?”

“He likes me more.” 

You blinked once, twice at him. Giving him a moment to take back his words. “Watch your next words.” You grumbled and turned back to your sauce, stirring so it wouldn’t burn.

From behind you, Bucky grabbed the cat by the scruff again and set him in his lap. A smile danced on his face when the cat nuzzled into the metal palm. Until you noticed him out of the corner of your eye, mid-straining the pasta.

“Okay, maybe he does like you more.” You painfully admitted through gritted teeth, “stray to stray, I guess.”

Bucky looks up, confused. 

You sighed, “he used to linger outside the apartment complex, but anytime anyone tried to pet him he’d hiss and attack. I finally womaned up because his fur was getting horribly matted and it was getting cold out. He's domesticated a little, but still pretty angry.”

Bucky listened to you intently, still gently brushing the cat's back. He only purred and leaned in closer to the super soldier. If you were going to be honest — the sight pulled at your heartstrings

After making a plate, Bucky finally put down Alpine and set him gently on the floor, more gentle than your way of doing it. You checked your email as you ate, silence enveloped the room beside the sound of silverware clinking. Your cat still lingered around the table, brushing his tail around your ankle. For a moment you let yourself wonder if Bucky would actually —

“More.” 

Your head shot up. The image before you was utterly laughable. Small amounts of red sauce at the corner of his cheek, ruffled hair from his shower earlier, and both hands grasping around his silverware. And a wiped-clean plate.

“What—“ your eyes furrowed. “You, what the fuck.”

Bucky just bored his stupidly gorgeous blue eyes back at you.

“It’s only been five minutes! I gave you enough to feed two of me?” You shouted. “Are you a fucking vacuum?”

“Please.” Bucky wiped the Mariana from his lip.

You stopped, and an overdramatic smile grew on your face. “That’s the first polite thing you have said to me like. Ever.”

Bucky just rolled his eyes and nudged his plate toward you. 

“Go make your own plate. I obviously have no grasp of how much you can inhale.” You snarled, Bucky grabbed the plate and got up. He towered over you, Bucky made himself look as small as he could most of the time that you’d forget how big he actually is. Your eyes shamefully followed his body as he walked towards the stove. 

“Oh, and actually chew this time, sergeant.”

You began eating again, making a mental note to up the amount you buy at the store next time

-

Bucky’s heavy boots trudged through the house. He had learned soon enough you were a heavy sleeper and no matter how much he tried to avoid the creaky wooden panels, it just wasn't worth it. The familiar bright light on the living room television flashed, the light creeping its way into the hallway. You were sat in the corner of the couch, curled up so tight, like you were trying to make yourself disappear. Bucky made himself known but your head didn’t snap in his direction like usual. 

He coughed, “why are you still up?”

No response, your eyes stayed trained on the television. Bucky craned his next to see another one of your reality shows. If Bucky remembered correctly, this was the one where a group of people try to survive on an island.

A sigh escaped Bucky's lips as he sat down his duffle bag with a thud, “are you okay?” he asks, sitting down on the couch, keeping a good foot and a half distance from you.

“No.” is all you mutter out.

“Do you wanna talk?”

You don't respond again. 

“Well, I’m heading out. Thanks for the bed and food.” Bucky says. Awkwardness poured out between you two, bucky felt out of place right now.

You let out an exhausted sigh, “it's snowing.”

Bucky hummed in response, his eyes glancing toward the window. Pitch black dark beside the New York street lamps giving the world a yellow-orangish glow. Bucky noticed the snowflakes falling gently onto the fire escape railing. “Yeah, I know.”

“Gosh,” you groaned. “I feel guilty knowing you’re out there freezing your ass off and scavenging for food, just out there hiding in general.”

“It's not that big of a d-”

You interject, and your voice sounds exhausted. “Stay. please, Bucky. Just stay.” your gaze leaves the television and meets his, and suddenly Bucky’s stomach feels funny. 

“If I stay too long, I’m scared someone will connect us and I don't want you to be dragged into my mess.” Bucky sighs.

Bucky had already stayed here for a few too many nights, you had offered him the empty room across from your own. It took some convincing from you, but he stayed. Bucky didn’t sleep, didn’t even touch the bed, he had rustled it up to make it look like he slept.

Maybe he was just scared of getting too attached. 

You hum. “I’m sure I’m a lot safer with the world's most feared assassin in my house, rather than out prancing around the city.”

“I don't prance.” Bucky scoffs, and he notices the way your lip quirks up slightly as you turn back toward your show.

A silence falls upon the two of you, Bucky's shoulders feel lighter at this moment, like your presence just takes the burden of the world off him. Bucky’s also scared that might mean you're taking some of it on your shoulders too. 

His eye flicker back to the large television, fully illuminating the living room and casting a shadow over your feature. Mabe Bucky needed to stop his habit of staring at you, when will you notice that he does it because it feels impossible to tear his eyes away from you? That it’s not just some lasting effect from the 70 years of torture. Snap out of it, Barnes. Bucky hears the small voice in his head yell, he looked back at the tv. Survivor is playing again, you only watch this when you’re upset.

“Why do you even watch this show?” Bucky asked.

You snicker silently, Bucky can’t hold back the amused smile on his face. “It's horrible, really.” god, he can hear the smile on your face.

“Tell me.” Bucky breathes out.

“Besides, it is just entertaining–” you say, laughing. “watching these people suffer through all this makes me feel better about myself, like what I’m going through isn't that bad– wow, I’m horrible.”

Honestly, the response took Bucky off guard. He finds it hard to grasp a response. 

“You are an interesting person.” Bucky laughs. Settling on that.

“Good, or bad?”

“Good.” Bucky says firmly. You nod your head. “I mean you are housing a criminal of the state.”

You laugh, a genuine laugh. “As long as you keep me safe. Mi casa es su casa.”

Bucky might have scooted his way closer to your side of the couch, closer to you. “Yeah, I’ll keep you safe.” he smiles to himself, because at least he can do that. His arm falls to the back of the couch and above your head, you'd be disappointed to know Bucky wasn't really paying attention to the show. 

Your eyes began to droop, leaning into Bucky's touch. He was warm. Bucky tensed when your head fell onto his chest, but after it was the easiest thing to melt into you. Like it was second nature, puzzle pieces finding each other. Bucky doesn't remember the last time he was touched like this, a time when being touched wasn't bad and painful. Even if he remembers a time before that, with girls or Steve, Bucky sure doesn't remember it feeling this good. 

Bucky wonders if you could hear his heartbeat too. Feel how fast it beats for you, would you get scared and push him away? Bucky decided he would rather stay quiet than find out. 

“I bet you could survive this show so easily.” you sound delirious, barely awake as you fall heavier into his chest. Bucky hums and you feel it, it's quite nice. 

“Probably, how much is this prize money?” he asks, knowing too well you are too tired to answer that. 

You snort, “thinking about joining? That'll blow your cover, sergeant.”

It was so weird when you called him that. It felt so right and it made Bucky feel normal. He wished you'd call him that more, Bucky always feels a nostalgic and warm feeling swell in his chest that makes him feel normal. Like everything he's faced all those years simply disappeared and he's been in this house with you all alone. Maybe that's how it was meant to be.

“It would be one hell of a reveal though.” he mutters, but you don't respond. 

Bucky’s eyes fall down to your face, your limp against his chest and eyes closed, mouth parted slightly, and breathing softly. It would be impossible to bite back the smile that grew on his face, you look so peaceful. Bucky knows you deserve it. And he knows he’ll stay awake all night to make sure you can keep it.

And he… almost did that. Bucky made it a few more hours of keeping watch on your sleeping form, you moved your way fulling into his lap and Bucky wrapped a heavy blanket over you to shield you from the cold New York weather. Bucky got himself used to the tv remote, very high tech – too high tech.

 Confusing remote yet still no flying cars, what a disappointment the future was. Bucky watched a show called Modern Family for a while, it didn't take long for his eyes to get heavy as well.

And then it was morning, and the sun was showing through your curtains and it warmed his exposed skin. You were gone and a fleeting feeling of panic shot through him. But then the sound of banging and many familiar curse words that belonged to his one and only. 

Bucky blinked the tiredness out of him, running his hand through his outgrown hair, and craning his neck to see into the kitchen. The large blue blanket he had draped over you last night hung from your shoulder, you were hitting and glaring at your coffee pot like it had personally offended you. Which it literally has.

“You stupid fucking machine, I paid 130$ for you, motherfucker. Work, I swear to god I will–”

“Stop yelling at the machine.”

You turned to him with the devil in your eyes. “Says the one who was whisper-yelling at the remote to ‘go back’ last night.”

“You heard that?” Bucky asks shyly. You just hummed and nodded, giving up on banging on the Keurig and plopping down next to him. “No coffee? Are you going to turn into a monster if you don't get caffeine in the next hour?”

With a deadpan face and droopy eyes, “yes.”

Then, like a fucking lightning bolt withdrawing from caffeine. You shot up abruptly and rushed into your room with heavy footsteps, followed by the loud sound of your hangers clicking together. “Grab your cap and glove that you’re so convinced makes you look invisible. We’re going to get coffee.”

Bucky didn’t really feel like arguing with a monster right now, so he lazily stretched his limbs and shook out the lingering sleepiness from his body. Going to his designated corner and grabbing his many layers and hat. 

Bucky still kept his head down like usual, you weren't very good at doing that. Even after Bucky’s constant worrying. He assumed you took his word the night before a little too seriously. Yet, you guided him to the farthest corner of the shop, “what do you want?”

“Coffee.” Bucky stated plainly.

“What kind of coffee?”

Bucky’s eyebrows furrowed, “there are different types of coffee?”

You inhaled an annoyed breath, nodding to yourself. “Nevermind, I got it.” you sighed, trudging off to the counter and greeting the woman with a bright smile. Ordering your usual and getting Bucky a tall, plain black. Decaf because you weren't dealing with a jittery supersoldier. the barista asked for a name, and your and Bucky’s almost left your lips as before you realized who he was. Glancing back over to Bucky, his hair had grown out long and so had his beard. 

You were beyond amused with yourself when you gave him a new name and walked back to your seat.

Bucky had the same aura as a small child. Except with broad shoulders, a permanent grimace and a few knives shoved up his pants. His gloved fingers tapped on the table, eyes hitting every inch of the building. Tap, tap, tap. What made it worse was the excessive bouncing of his knee that vibrated the already old, wobbly wooden table. You glared holes in his head, frowning but he gave you no mind. 

Grasping around a peoples magazine, and simply throwing it at him. “Read that, the tapping and bouncing are getting annoying.” Bucky looked down at it, a little disappointed at first. But soon started flipping through it, the tapping stopped. Thank god.

For a moment, you leaned your head back, closing your eyes and just letting a heavy breath out. That you were somewhere else, anywhere doing anything. Just for a moment. But the sound of people speaking, the loud and arguably annoying city life of cars and horns, the sounds of espresso machines and mugs clinking. No escaping this. Your eyelids flutter open, back to reality, and Bucky is looking at the magazine as if it called his mother a bitch. Eyebrows furrowed and dark, narrowed eyes. 

“What is it?” you scoot over to his side of the booth, lining your thighs with his. Bucky tenses at the touch, you don't notice. In the magazine is a picture of Steve Rogers, Natasha Romanoff, and Clint Barton at a charity event. Next to the pictures were long articles of their bullshit excuses for whatever damage they caused to some city miles away, or even home.

“I don’t recognize him.” Bucky mutters under his breath, he sounds so sad. 

“It's probably all the photoshop.” you say, in an attempt to make him laugh. But as the words left your lips you realize Bucky probably has zero idea what photoshop is, and seals that thought after he shot a confused look up at you. “Doesn’t matter, I promise it will come back to you.”

Bucky looks up at you, an unrecognizable emotion playing out on his face, lips parted slightly as if he was about to speak. Too scared to let anything out he doesn't fully recognize, you're confusing and warm and gentle with him and it makes his brain short circuit. Just your thighs and shoulder touching him makes his body burn, and the feeling of you so close taunts him, is Bucky that touched starved? All he knows his violence at the end of anothers hand, is it so bad to want more –

“L’Oreal! Y/N!” The loud and shrill voice of the barista echoed through the cafe, and a wild amused smile grew on your face as you shot up to get the coffee.

Your warmth left Bucky’s body, cold now.

-

Chop, chop, chop…

Bucky stood hunched over your counter, a small fruit knife with little lemons painted on the blade. Bucky thought it was beyond weird but it worked. Chopping away at strawberries, for you, because he doesn't really understand how to show gratitude towards you any other way. The super soldier wasn't very good with words, and he has no money to pay you for the warm food and roof over his head. Strawberries will due.

Chop, chop, chop

Alpine sat on the counter next to the cutting board, he definitely wasn’t supposed to. But you were in the shower and well, you didn't have to know. Bucky scratched the place between his ears, the metal again the soft, snow-white fur was weird. 

Chop, chop, chop

Then, Bucky's worst fear came true (other than living in New Jersey). A loud, shrill, and blood-curdling scream from you. Bucky almost sliced his own hand when he flinched, shooting up to go to you. HYDRA? SHIELD? CIA? Fuck, fuck, fuck. He was careful, no one should know. Bucky rounded a corner, almost taking the trim out with his shoulder. His metal hand grasped around the handle of your door, not taking any time to knock before throwing it open and off the hinges. Expecting to see blood, men in tac suits, guns… not you wrapped in a towel, dripping water as you stood on the toilet seat.

“Bucky…” you whispered, eyes wide with fear, gaze not leaving the shower. Until they set on him, when you jumped down (bucky finches– scared you'd slip) and scurried behind his back. Balling his shirt in your fist as you hid behind him, dampening the white fabric. “It's still in there.”

Bucky sighed, just glad to see you weren't dead. “What? What is?”

You just let out a high-pitched and arguably pathetic whine, pointing at the tub, eyebrows knitted together tight. Bucky tried to pay no mind to the fact you were pretty much naked, hair stuck to your neck and face. Slowly, craning his neck to see a small, stink bug crawling at the bottom. 

“Really? A stink bug?” Bucky asked.

“Get it!”

Bucky leaned down and grabbed the bug between his metal thumb and index, crushing it. Flipping up the toilet seat and flushing away the stinky bug, taking a piece of paper and wiping the excess dead bug off his finger. A righteous death, as much as it can be.

Turning around, Bucky fought back a blush. The curve of your neck, and collarbone. Your exposed thighs taunt him. He needs to snap the fuck out of it, if anything you two are just roommates. No amount of universe bullshit would change your mind. But oh, oh god. You turned slightly and he caught a glimpse of the words written on your body, his words. Bucky almost fainted.

“Thank you. You have been crowned official bug killer.” you teased, still just standing there.

His ears tinted pink and probably stuttered, “uh-huh, go- go get dressed.”

“Sir, yes sir.” You made a stupid military salute, turning back to the door. “Also, you’re fixing that.”

Bucky fidgeted with his hand, trying to avoid his eye from your chest. “Yeah, yeah, I will. Don’t worry.”

You smiled big, took a few steps towards Bucky, and pecked his cheek. It happened so fast, Bucky didn't process it until you had scurried away and into your room, the door shutting behind you. Bucky's hand ghosted the spot where your lips lay, utterly stunned.

Bucky needed to sit down.

-

Your steps echoed through the apartment hallway, with the feeling of hundreds of pounds on your shoulders. Your legs were wobbly and weak after a long 10-hour shift. You'd been nursing a headache for the past few hours and despite working in a hospital, you hadn't had time to get some ibuprofen. The key to your apartment jangle in the lock and you let out a sigh as the door opens. Alpine takes no time to greet you at the door, the apartment is dark and quiet and if it wasn't for the boots by the door and empty mugs or coffee on the kitchen table, you'd say it was empty. 

Alpine jumps onto the table in front of you, you swat him away quickly and scratch at her head. “Is Bucky home? Hm, where is he?” you coo at the cat. Your eyebrows knot as he jumps off the counter and trots away from the kitchen and towards your bedroom. 

The door to your bedroom that's usually closed is now cracked open and Alpine nudges his way into the room, cracking the door open more. On the opposite side of the bed, in the far corner is a pile of blankets and a pillow. The comforter raised up and down quickly, faintly you could hear the sound of Bucky's grunts and gasps.

Slowly, not to startle the seemingly always ready-to-fight assassin, you walk towards him and pull at the comforter. “Bucky?”

Bucky’s chest heaved up and down, sweat dripped down his face and made his hair stick to his face and neck. His eyes slowly look up at you and all you could see was panic and terror in his eyes, his lips stained red with blood and bruises. 

Crouching down to him and reaching out, hoping he’ll let you. 

“Hey,” you whisper quietly, gently so as not to startle him. Bucky’s eyes avoid yours and he's still gasping for breath like he's being choked and suffocated.

You crane your neck to meet his eyes, tears brim but they don’t fall and you bring your hand up to his face slowly. Giving time for him to swat your hand away before you caress his cheek with your thumb. “Breathe, buck. Please.”

He opens his mouth to speak, a whined croak comes out. “I can’t, — breathe. I’m so-” he chokes out a mess of words.

“Hey, hey, no. it's okay.” you shush him and he brings his palm up to your shoulder and forearm. “What do you need? Show me?”

Bucky looks at you for a faltering moment and the sheer emotions on his face stun you, he looks so broken and vulnerable in front of you. He hesitates for a moment, but you notice the way he's looking at you and the subtle tug on your arm. 

You fall into his arms, pushing the pillow barricade he's made around himself. A sigh escapes his lips at your warmth and you've realized your headache has seemed to fade and a sense of comfort is found in Bucky's arms.

A few minutes pass of your head laid comfortably on Bucky's shoulder, both your arms tangled around his. Bucky's chest slowed to a normal, slow pace and he was breathing normally. Bucky groans as you pull away from his chest. His grasp is still tight around you but you're just far enough away to see his face. 

You notice the dried blood and splits on his lips, you scoff and bring a thumb up to wipe away the blood. “And you always lecture me about biting my lip,” you said, almost teasing.

“M’ sorry.” he blinks. “I didn't realize I was even doing that, I just got so overwhelmed and everything just happened.”

You hum, as you brush his hair back and behind his ears, his skin is still damp and sticky. “It's okay,” you speak, rubbing at his arm. You look down and take notice of the blankets around you once again. “Is this what you do?”

Bucky's head perks up towards you, “what?”

“Make pillow forts when you get overwhelmed.”

Bucky looks down, but you notice his smile lines grow slightly and see the way his lip quirks up. “It's so childish, I know.”

You shake your head, a similar smile creeping up on you as well. Bucky continues, “As a kid, Steve and I, we used to build forts out of anything we could find when Steve used to sleep over. It's a comforting feeling, helps me calm down.”

You nod and bring your hand to meet his, feeling the rough skin under yours as your hand moves against his. You tug slightly as you slowly bring yourself to your feet, Bucky wishes to pull you back into him and never let go. 

“Come on, now,” you say. “You’re all gross and sweaty, I gotta wash my blankets now and you have to take a shower.”

Bucky’s face softened and he realizes, despite the current circumstances, he’d be okay with feeling like this forever. As long as you were there.

tag list; @i-l-y-3000 @ivywasmaroon @waywardcrow @alana4610 @ozwriterchick @slytherinambitious @wintermischief @tarotwitchy-main @silelda @zizzlekwum @iv3t

[moononmyfloor]

Dashing Youth Ep 36-40 Commentary

Ep 1-10, Ep 11-16, Ep 17-21, Ep 22-25, Ep 26-32, Ep 33-35

Ep 36

This ep had nothing much of interest for me, all this talk of "bringing Ye Dingzhi back to the rightful path" is boring af like you never asked him what is it exactly that he wants, not before, not now

The part where Dongjun cultivates at the edge where mortal world meets the start of heavens was very cool, if a story wants to convince me that he rebuilt his lost cultivation in a year, this place is as good as it gets for the purpose.

Evil sister being permanently imprisoned and left to rot than being granted an immediate death is super satisfying

This part was pretty sweet, the way he closed his eyes and put his stubbly chin in her palms

Ep 37

When I watched He Yu's Dashing Youth interviews etc, I thought he sounded unusually straightforward and frank for an idol actor. And then I looked at his profile and realised that dude is an Architecture graduate and went to Vancouver for further studies and then returned to China to participate in acting workshops. Well THAT explains a lot of things. For example, how he carries himself with such gravitas and confidence despite being a new actor, he basically stole the show from HMH from the very ep 1 imo and that did not happen just because he looks good, because everyone looks amazeballs in this show anyway.

Not to mention "hurt young dad trying his best" is not a role you often see among Chinese idol dramaland main characters, and even rarer for a newbie actor to take on such a role. Like he came in and served. End of the story.

FINALLY. The two most grounded characters of the show meet up! Funny how at first I shipped them with Dongjun and as time went on the less interesting let alone shippy Dongjun felt and now I can't help but imagine, what if these two met earlier, instead?

And gods, this is exactly what I love about Changfeng. Despite being the sweetest baby of the show, he's incredibly realistic and doesn't care for the popular beliefs let alone factions. He'd rather have a face-to-face with the problem at hand and form his opinion.

"Hey buddy, wanna spar?" Just like that. Unafraid and non-judgemental, because he has not formed any yet, because he doesn't have a reason to. And he instantly won over Dingzhi who rarely trusts anyone. Too bad they met only now.

Aww, I feel like this is a nudge to their other-selves in I Am Nobody, right?

"I've stopped saying corny things and have turned mature because any sentence could be your last in the battlefield, and ends up getting carved on your tombstone."

-insert gremlin laugh-

Yeah Mengsha, that's exactly what will be on your grave. "HAHAHAHAHA"

PFft I love him.

Yeah she found that man and then he died. Huhu.

The rest of the ep is about the so called righteous party trying to beat the hot young dad with their sheer incompetence and that wasn't interesting enough to comment on.

Ep 38

Putting the disturbed souls to rest in the name of his daughter, that's Sikong Changfeng. It sounds kinda morbid on paper, but in truth only the most purest, benevolent person in the world would be able to do that. I was reminded of The Untamed for a second there.

Daring the monarchy from atop the palace gate, as the most peerless person in jianghu atm. I think both Master Li and Master Rain Demon would be proud of you.

Yknow, for Dingzhi who suffered from wishy washy treatment from most people all his life (yes, that includes you too Dongjun), a clear yes/no answer to this question would've been a mercy.

Ep 39

This was unexpectedly hilarious lol

Little girl u are pissing me off. You weren't born when the definitions of right and wrong were created in the world.

"What is wrong is wrong" bruh shut up, you are embarrassing your dad and not in the serotonin-inducing way he always embarrassed himself.

And I called Dongjun blindly idealistic.

Speaking of whom, Dongjun and Yue Yao actually kinda redeemed themselves for me again in this ep, by proving that even at this point, the "righteousness" he cares for is for his Yun ge to get the happiness he deserves.

Would've been better if you actively stepped up earlier than this to safeguard the happiness that he and Wenjun had found by a margin, tho. You had years of opportunity and now it's too late.

For softhearted lackeys, Wuxin's gay uncles are pretty alright regarding being grounded characters. They don't have lots of choices to work with, but at least they aren't led around by nose with all the pointless politics and try their best to follow their hearts.

Ep 40

Yeah yeah, blame the woman in the end. The sad thing is that he's a historian, and it's not a surprise that this came out of his mouth.

Rocket science

Same as with Hanyi, I was mad at Ye Xiaofan too like kid what point exactly are you trying to prove to your ge by appearing like this at this moment, but then he redeemed himself and I'm very happy about that. Give him treats.

Ok I'm crying. Wenjun's conviction and determination in the final act makes me forgive her again. Honestly, I wouldn't have disliked her even a little bit if not for that lazy stupidity the show made her commit in ep 33 anyway.

But alas, it's too late. My baby 😭

Good to hear Yue Yao's sister died, even glad that screentime wasn't spared to see it happen because I really don't give a fuck.

Finally, Dongjun meets his ge's child. Lil Wuxin cowering away from him at first served him right.

It's so sad how Wuxin lost his parents and adoptive uncles all together within such a brief period of time. I remember disliking the uncles when they took Wuxin away in BoY, but now I understand them even though it was AGAIN at the expense of Wuxin's rights to be with the people he wants to at that moment. It's sad that whatever person Wuxin would grow emotionally attached to, he has to part from them because of others' arrangements.

Woah, you two have been canoodling around in your fairy carriage for the whole world to see for years and you haven't been married yet? Scandalous, Dongjun 😂

Final Verdict

Despite the lazy and unconvincing middle eps, the final stretch is near perfect, the characters I've grown to have beef with (Dongjun, Wenjun) redeemed themselves, Yue Yao grew a little bit more of personality, the amazing main characters remained amazing (Dingzhi, Changfeng) and so did the amazing side characters (Lei Mengsha, Master Li, Luo Qingyang, Jade deity). Well, I suppose they've written themselves to a corner with Prince Langya, he feels definitely less glorious of a person than he was treated in BoY, after seeing Dashing Youth. So I'm ok with not seeing his character wrap-up here.

I started with giving this a 8.5/10 and ended with a 7.5/10, but overall I really enjoyed the themes of how different generations of people answer times of suppression, and balance morality, friendship and family, and what exactly is the end goal of a martial artist. The people were extremely pleasant to look at, the fight CGIs were epic visual feasts, and I did enjoy myself a lot considering how I rarely watch idol Wuxia/Xianxia/Xuanhuan.

[soulsoffairlight]

Can you tell me a little bit about Radlynn in your AU? Like her backstory? I’m very curious(the statement about her not having a childhood makes me wonder: is she an experiment?)

I WAS PREPARED FOR THIS MOMENT.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE ASK YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH IT MEANS TO :D

In the name of not spoiling too much for the sake of planned projects, I won't give TOO much information. Just enough to answer your questions. :)

Short answer: Yes and no.

Long answer:

So, in a sense, very technically, she did have some sort of childhood. She was raised in the large Loulean city of Frigidare within my worldbuilding -- a large city known for its population of Tierkno (TYAIR - knah) of an unknown species, a shapeshifting creature in this world with a large diversity of species. However, very early on in her life was when she was unfortunate enough to be blinded - something that would affect her quality of life significantly … very unfortunately.

She would long for her ability to see every day -- she was very young and finding it difficult to adapt to her situation. Nobody would tell her what happened ... all she remembered was her brother pointing at something on the way to school on a dark winter morning. Then everything sort of went black on her ... permanently. Seemingly permanently.

She would need to be homeschooled, for losing sight so early in her life was something incredibly difficult to adapt to. And every moment of spare time Radlynn got she'd spent outside on the front porch, longing for the sight she once had... and desperately holding onto all the slowly fading memories of sight she still had. All she had memory of was her brother's face... and even that had become a mess of unintelligible geometric shapes in her head.

Meanwhile, Radley, the sole survivor of the mass freeze on the Avidran moon of Calyx sent by the a goddess named Oblivion to keep his aggressive family of Radishes known for the life of a god they had claimed at bay, was able to come to Avidra after finding one of Oblivion's dropped feathers, which had a hidden ability to open portals to both Avidra and its moons. He had found the other two sole survivors of freezes on the other two moons of Apica and Cocillion -- Sarge and Luau LePunch, respectively. They came up with a plan: they'd observe human and tierkno civillizations while wearing disguises that made them appear more human-like and find a way to scare them into submission and turn them against the gods.

They began to recreate the organized collaboration that their families would take on against the gods. Because Radley was so intelligent and had access to so much important information, the other two trusted him to be the one in charge... and he was very successful in doing so. He was able to find ways for them to steal important resources from the civilization and benefit their plan's progress as a whole. In doing so, they learned about the main ability of tierkno: shapeshifting. And that made them realize that if they could get some in their possession and train them... perhaps modify them, they would be extremely powerful.And so, they each researched extensively to make sure they had a clear understanding of how to care for tierkno and keep them happy. And they all agreed to choose a tierkno that was younger -- for they were easier to train from a young age. This phase of their plan would take a few years, but they were dedicated.

While Sarge and Luau were rather quick to find young tierkno to take under their wing (who had also been in tricky situations), Sarge Fan and LePete respectively, Radley wasn't afraid to take his time. He supposed that finding the optimal individual for their plans was more important than the time he spent doing so... and for a good few days, he had an eye on Radlynn ... who eventually ventured further from her porch and hung out near some crates Radley intended to take back to Calyx. She was clearly blind and seemingly lonely and depressed... something that, of course, was painful for him to see. But he had an idea... curing blindness was a simple breeze based on the resources available to him in the lab his family left behind on Calyx. He could simply help her get her sight back... and just like that, he'd have the trust of this intelligent girl who had already figured out navigating the world around her without sight.

He approached Radlynn, and he told her that if she could just sit and guard the crates for just a few more hours, he'd cure her blindness. The girl, whose life had seemingly crumbled apart since she went blind, took on the request without question. Soon, Radley took this young tierkno back to Calyx to give her what he promised... and to take her under his wing.

He cured her blindness using some methods he found in his family's resources, and she was crying tears of joy when she could see again. She became extremely loyal to him, and he felt some sort of connection to her... a familiar one. He treated her like a daughter of his own, and together, they agreed that her name would be Radlynn from then on.

The three raised and educated their adopted children with determination to give them the best they could while simultaneously continuing their business in Avidra and claiming territory-- adjusting the three to this kind of life. Sarge Fan learned to communicate and cooperate with Sarge’s army onions effectively, especially in his rottweiler form, which allowed for more efficiency in herding the little things. LePete gained a deep understanding of how to take advantage of both human/tierkno psychological and physiological weaknesses to become a fierce opponent in combat… sometimes without needing to lay a finger on anyone. However, he was already a natural fighter as a spectacled bear tierkno, so he was just as good at dealing physical damage.

And Radley had trained Radlynn in weapon combat… and she became so enthusiastic for it that she learned much of it – and an impressive amount more – on her own. She was a horrifying opponent when it came to fighting with a sickle. But one day, when Radlynn accidentally cut her arm on her sickle, leaving a deep gash without her noticing, Radley realized that there was a side effect to the curing-of-blindness method he didn't consider. Testing his theories, he took her in to stitch up the wounds without any form of numbing or something of the likes. While she was really scared about it, she... wasn't feeling any pain. This was pretty dangerous for her... but at the same time, it would make some ideas in the back of his head significantly easier. He figured that if he watched her very closely to make sure she didn't get hurt, he could keep her safe while still keeping that side effect.

From that point on, Radley began to take a fascination with her. It began with some smaller experiments to slowly funnel into the main one he had planned-- Radlynn was scared but not unwilling. It started with him applying small genetic samples of a certain Tierkno species he had managed to get his hands on, and she grew scenting glands on her neck and arms that she could use to recreate just about any scent-- a unique ability of this species that had piqued his interest. He was fascinated. He trained her to control it. And she, too, loved it.

When they began to train the three to start putting their new learned skills to use so they could commence with their plan, Radley was shocked by how quickly Radlynn was able to catch on. She discovered that she could feel pain if she wore a blindfold, and so she learned to pretty accurately fight without sight. She also learned to use her new scenting abilities to her advantage to distract people as she stole things or something of the likes, and she was extremely creative in completing tasks, something he was impressed by.

She pointed out that if they targeted the people who were dissatisfied with the government and tried to initiate them into their little group, they would be advantaged pretty well. And he was amazed by her reasoning.

As more targets were initiated on a seemingly life-or-death basis, they formed an entire mob of rebellious individuals who hated the government with a burning passion, and were destined to burn it to the ground. The people of the city were terrified of this mob -- to demonstrate their power, they would severely wound, if not kill, anyone who tried to cross paths or stop them. As they claimed more lives and even began to threaten government officials, even the government became scared of them, and many people started to believe that they had some control over it.

The gods were not pleased, and they knew they had to put a stop to this... somehow. Oblivion knew that if Radley, the mastermind behind this all, was to be gone, it would all fall apart. And so she commanded Poltergeist, a lower god who could easily interact with the world, to try and bring him to her. However, when he tried to grab him somewhere on Calyx, Radlynn ended up pushing him out of the way and being grabbed instead. Noticing she was being grabbed by the arm, she was quick to escape in a rather risky manner: she ripped off her blindfold and cut her own arm off with her sickle, freeing herself. Enraged, Radley ended up attacking him and managing to kill him... proving that he was just as dangerous to the gods as his family was.

Quick to do something about her missing arm, he performed another experiment on her. This next experiment was definitely more stressful for Radlynn--, but again, she was determined to push through for him. He replaced her now, missing left forearm with a bionic one - something else left behind by his family. It could easily be disguised as a real one and functioned just like one, even being able to experience touch, except it was bionic and had extremely sharp claws. Radlynn adapted quickly and was even able to teach herself some interesting strategies with it, something he was very impressed by. She enjoyed her new modifications... unlike the typical person would.

As much as she liked her modifications... that experience… it stuck with her. She couldn’t feel the pain, no… but she could definitely see what was happening, and it made her feel incredibly horrified. She would often find herself reliving the experience in her dreams, and every time, it just got worse and worse… but she tried to just ignore it: because she knew she was helping Madish, and she wanted to help him. He saved her.

Seeing how everything seemed to be going well, a few days later, he finally decided to perform the main experiment on her. When he applied his own DnA to give her a radish form, it worked... to extents beyond his intentions. The cambiregen (tierkno hormones giving them ability to shapeshift) had combined with this DnA aggressively, and he accidentally created a reckless, 10-foot-tall beast that tried to attack him. He was quick to corner her, but he still started to panic. But then he got an idea. He was able to gain control over the beast by tricking it into falling into obedience any time he said [her original name] to it. And it worked. He had turned a dangerous mistake around to his favor. He spent weeks training Radlynn and her new form, eventually being able to split into two: an 'antrhopomorphic' form more reminiscent of his own kind and then a 'feral' form closer to a werebeast, and everything was pointing in his favor.

The latter experiment traumatized her even more. She couldn’t see it that time, which only made it even more stressful for her… because she knew he was doing something to her cambiregen gland… and to her, that felt like something was being taken from her. And on top of that, she could tell he felt bad for it… and that look in his eye never left her. She had no idea what to do with herself. She was afraid of this new form she had. When she went into it, she couldn’t remember anything that she had done in it, and she knew that she could easily kill people in it. It felt like she was in the back seat of her own body sometimes.

But she was fine with it…

…for Radley.

If it hadn’t been for him, she’d probably have died somehow.

WHEW, THAT WAS A LOT.... But this is just the background context/base I plan to build a fic on... stay tuned guys. ;)

And also as a bonus treat, have the characters that inspired my representations of her and Radley:

Lynette Guycott from Scott Pilgrim (comics specifically)

C.A Rotwang and (Human) Maria from Metropolis (1927)

And the AU is named after and overall based on this song:

[blametheeditor]

Day 10 | Alien

Gt July Prompt List

First | Previous | Next

When stranded on an uncharted underwater planet, alone and surrounded by hostile lifeforms, there are only two possible outcomes: adapt and survive, or die trying.

Spoilers: For the game Subnautica

Content Warnings: Mentions of death and violence. Mentions of threats and the intent to kill. Mentions of drowning and suffocation. Referring to someone as 'it'. Mentions of dehumanization.

________________________

Living with a leviathan is like having a supervisor micro manage his every move. 

To be honest, Fritz doesn’t mind the scrutiny. Technically it’s no different than when he worked on the Aurora where updates were required hourly because he’s a teenager who can’t tell the difference between phasing and phasewarping. The barked orders and hovering over his shoulder are now just coming from someone who growls to show their displeasure and requires he provides food or else they get angry and try to eat him instead.

He won’t lie and say he’s finally used to eyes bigger than his head watching him. He also won’t try to pretend he isn’t terrified of what would happen if he’s ever caught outside the safety of the caves. They’ve certainly gotten into a routine for the past week, but there was definitely a few mistakes within that period. 

Like when Fritz thought it’d be quicker to ‘check in’ by tossing a piece of quartz down from the very top of the cave system. Except he accidentally threw it onto the leviathan’s head, rightfully making them angry enough to charge after him with a roar. 

There was also the time Fritz accidentally slept in, so when he finally woke up and jumped into the water, the leviathan was sitting a few feet away and looking ready to pounce. His seamoth had already been claimed too, a mandible holding it to the ground to say that if he wanted to collect materials, he would have to take a chance. That particular day was spent sitting on the very top of the lifepod doing research as a large shadow circled around him, and fabricating materials. 

Other than those incidents, it hasn’t been too bad! He’s been as respectful as possible to the leviathan, and it seems like they’ve begun to trust he’s not trying to hurt them. It’s a very small amount of trust but it’s there! 

Enough they didn’t immediately lunge at him when he frantically swam out of a cave opening and directly into another in order to avoid getting hurt by an exploding crashfish. They even started to talk in the low, rumbling language rather than growl when he’s been out of sight for too long. 

It’s been a lot of ups and downs. But Fritz is grateful to finally have company after an entire month of being completely on his own. Even if they are quick to anger and a predator above all else. 

“Look what I found!” Fritz calls as he swims back to the openings on the cliffside. Admittedly proud he managed to find an entire armful of quartz in only five minutes. It’s an impressive feat, no matter how many annoyed huffs try to tell him otherwise. “At this rate I’ll-!” 

He stares at the leviathan lying in the same spot it has been almost every day. The only difference is instead of black orbs watching him closely with mandibles poised, eyelids are gently closed as their head rests on folded arms. Looking completely relaxed, as if they’re asleep. 

A sense of awe blossoms in Fritz’s chest. Because even though they are absolutely massive compared to him, he knows it’s the human who’s the alien on this planet. How would they know he’s here without a choice? What would they assume his intentions are? How do they feel about the permanent scars left by unfamiliar artificial objects? 

He might only be a teenager who doesn’t know what he’s doing, but they don’t know that. 

Fritz hesitates before slowly rolling the quartz onto the seafloor to be inspected later. He then clears his throat. “Leviathan?” 

Not a finger or mandible twitches from his voice. They’re actually asleep. 

In this rare moment of peace, Fritz watches the leviathan. Someone who’s frighteningly big, incredibly powerful, and born to be hunter. Who has attacked him multiple times before, and trusts not to have some form of revenge taken while completely vulnerable. Seems almost like they wouldn’t hurt a fly. They just look so...soft. 

He should get back to collecting materials. Before they wake up and get upset at him for watching them sleep. He can’t look away, though. Too amazed, as well as curious. 

...they wouldn’t mind if he got a little closer, would they? Not that Fritz will do anything! He doesn’t want to hurt them! This might be the only chance to possibly get a scan and finally learn what type of leviathan they are. 

With a brief moment of hesitation, he darts back into the caves to replenish his air from the brain coral that has saved his life too many times to count. Swims back to the opening to find the giant predator still sleeping. 

Taking a deep breath, Fritz slowly swims out into the open, keeping his seaglide tucked away to make as little noise as possible. Feels his heart pound against his chest as the sleeping form looms more and more the closer he gets. 

He’s been fairly close before, especially when the leviathan swims right past him. It’s never on level ground, though. So while he knows they’re big, it’s not always easy to understand just how massive they are. Not until he’s staring up with terrified wonder inside their shadow. 

With everything so still, he can the gills opening and closing. The black hair that always seems to be in a spike moving back in forth in the current. The powerful mandibles come together and go apart in time with every breath. 

Even though everything’s calm now, he knows what the leviathan is capable of. Was able to effortlessly crush his seamoth. Feels terror race up his spine at the thought of them waking up with him almost directly beside their head. 

Fritz shivers as he respectfully swims back a few feet. He’s afraid of what might happen if they wake up while he’s that close, but he’s also thinking how much of a scare that would be to have someone hovering right by your face when you wake up. Though that brings a smile to his face, imagining the leviathan getting startled by someone so small in caparison. 

Turning toward the tail he’s surprised to see it looks more like a whale’s than a shark. Which is slightly embarrassing since he’s spent so much time around the leviathan. But in his defense he’s more concerned about the mouth that will eat him instead of the tail that will allow him to be the next meal. 

Moving closer, he can’t help but stare at the fin not only being longer than he is tall, it towers over him vertically. The curved shape makes it sit a few feet above Fritz’s head. As if he needs everything to remind him he’s absolutely miniscule. 

Not that he’s actually upset about it. Being only five feet tall himself and there being no signs he’ll grow any more, it leaves him feeling nothing except pure amazement someone would take the time to track down something that’s so small to them. Bring back an abandoned sub because it doesn’t cause them any exertion. Watch an insect collect materials they can’t imagine what it could possibly be used for. 

Fritz hopes he’s at least entertaining. 

Swimming above the leviathan, he takes out his scanner. Hesitates. 

I shouldn’t scan them.

He took advantage of the fact they’re asleep to act like they’re an item on display. Chasing after peepers and sneaking up on a crashfish is different. This leviathan has more than earned his respect, had trusted him to be completely vulnerable. And Fritz’s first thought was to use it for selfish reasons? 

Ashamed, the scanner is quickly tucked away as he starts to swim back to the caves. Freezes when he sees the leviathan is awake, eyes locked on him. Unable to breathe when he realizes the consequence of his actions will be death. 

David watches the miniscule thing, expecting it to at the very least attempt to flee for its life. Instead it just stares at him as it trembles, looking petrified yet accepting of its fate. 

He hadn’t been asleep. Heard everything the creature did from calling out to see if he was vulnerable to it swimming beside his face before ending by his tail. Waited for the right moment when he could kill it once and for all. 

Scanning over the pathetic thing, he huffs in a silent demand for it to get back where it belongs. When it continues to stare at him, the reaper unfolds one arm to reach toward it. Nudges the creature with a finger in the direction of the caves it’s been using as shelter. 

“Go on. Before I change my mind.” 

It flinches at his voice and stares at his hand like it’ll get snatched up at any moment. And it will be if it doesn’t take his very generous offer of getting to keep its life. Finally it starts to move slowly toward the caves. Terrified, confused, but with every careful poke hope begins to appear on its face. There’s no annoying squeaks, though, just obeying David’s demand for it to stop tainting his claimed area with its presence. 

Only when it’s next to the quartz it threw on the ground does the leviathan stop herding it. Gives a warning growl when it stops swimming instead of going back to safety. It should be obvious he doesn’t want it anywhere near him. “Don’t push it.” 

It points toward itself and squeaks. 

Isn’t that wonderful? He spares it life in return for it sparing his, and now it wants to make a speech. 

Sighing, David sends a glare. “You’re three seconds away from ending up as dinner.” 

The creature seems to calm itself before pointing at itself and squeaking again. If he didn’t know any better, he’d say it sounded exactly like the last one. 

“Look,” he begins. “I know you’re just a guppy in terms of whatever you are, because only someone freshly hatched would’ve pulled the stunt you just did, but that doesn’t mean I won’t kill you if you annoy me too much. So go before I decide you’re not worth the trouble.” 

It stares at him so earnestly as it squeaks again. Slower. Definitely repeating what it said before. Meaning it’s trying to communicate, wonderful. 

David tries to settle his anger. “Do you want me to say you’re welcome?” 

“Wel-me.” 

...what did it just say? 

“Are you trying to speak leviathan?” he demands, watching it intently. Wanting to know it it’s trying to threaten him in his own language to say he doomed the entire planet letting it live. 

Either it’s a fantastic liar, or it’s really trying to say something, staring at him with such a sad and pleading expression. Squeaks long and slow as it points to itself. Then points at David as it repeats. Throws in a terrible attempt of ‘leviathan’. 

“'Rtz'?” 

Honestly, he didn’t really think it wanted him to try and repeat its strange high-pitched language that makes his throat hurt. Therefore he is legitimately startled when it suddenly shrieks. It sure looks excited but it sounds like it’s dying. 

“'Fritz'!” it chirps. 

“'Fritz'.” 

The creature beams as he manages to strain his voice just enough to say the complicated word. Points at itself as it repeats it again. And then it points at him as it watches with pure joy. 

This is some kind of sick game, right? To say he made the wrong choice and now he’ll be the only leviathan left alive to do whatever it commands him to? 

“'Fritz'?” he chokes out, wanting some kind of clarification. The only thing he gets is an excited nod as it points to itself, followed by a point toward him. Looking almost like a guppy getting overjoyed when they manage to name someone correctly. 

...it’s a name. The creature is giving him their name. And requesting his own. 

“David.” 

Their face twists up as they attempt to mimic him. “Avi.” 

He huffs at the disrespect. “Da-vid. You forgot the d's.” 

“Dav.” 

“Last try, get it wrong and you’re dead. Da-v-id.” 

“David,” the creature manages to repeat in a tone higher than he’s ever encountered before. “David?” 

The reaper nods to say they finally got it, huffing to show he’s unimpressed by the joyous shrieks and high-pitched chattering. Watches as they seems to realize something before swimming into the cave, returning ten seconds later. This time they don’t leave the safety the cliff provides. 

Makes the waiting motion that means they’re going to get more rocks. 

David hesitates, unsure how to feel about going back to their routine almost immediately. It’s not that he was wanting anything different, it just seemed a bit lackluster. Especially with how adamant the little thing was getting such information relayed. 

He doesn’t make a fuss. Settles back down on the seabed. Watches as they dart off to collect more rocks. 

Counts ten seconds. “Fritz.” 

A miniscule face appears in the opening that’s both confused and absolutely elated. “David?” 

“Ten seconds from now on, I let you have too much freedom,” he growls. “And you haven’t given a peeper in who knows how long.” 

The creature blinks before reaching into its pack to provide the fish he rightfully earned being as forgiving as he was. Motions for him to wait as they disappear, returning with gold to offer and a hopeful expression. 

David nods. “Ten seconds.” 

“En ends.” 

Yep, he’s going to regret ever encouraging them. 

“En ends,” he mocks, smirking when the idiotic thing smiles before racing off. 

Maybe he can teach the word peeper.