#ive been awfully paranoid about everyone i care about dying. including my cats. | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

orcelito · 1 year ago

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Lately, I've been learning to not take things for granted. I've been taking videos of my cats a bit more. Got a video today of me feeding June Bug and Tally, including bits of their meows

I deeply regret not having any record of the sound of Cassy's meow. I'm trying to make up for it with my girls, though.

#speculation nation #animal death ment/#i do have a video of me feeding Sammy. so i have at least one sample of his meow.#i just... never expected Cassy to die so young. not even 2 years old...#this summer has taught me not to take anything for granted #& that someone can go from a pillar in your life to dead in 6 weeks.#ive been awfully paranoid about everyone i care about dying. including my cats.#nothing is guaranteed. your cat can die with as little as an hour of warning.#you can see your uncle one day and then he's dead the next.#you said goodbye but you didnt know it was the last time.#and i keep thinking about whether each goodbye is my last one. every single goodbye could be the last one.#after 5 deaths in 5 years i just really do not have a good relationship with permanence.#or rather. trust in permanence. i do not trust it. because it's clear that it does not exist.#but it'd be nice if i could look at my cats without wondering which one's gonna be next.#trying to enjoy my time with them to the fullest. appreciate them while theyre here.#and not think about how id need a new memorial shelf for their ashes bc my current one is full.#.....ok maybe i am still a lil fucked up about it all. can u blame me tho. shit's been rough lmaot #negative/#yea. this accidentally turned into a vent. whoops.

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