#or random chunks of fucked formatting

[jacksprostate]

Have you ever wanted to read fight club. Did you know a lot of the copies floating around on the internet are kind of fucked up. Did you know I just spent two days fixing it. Did you know you can make a copy of this file and have it for yourself. And share it with others. You should read fight club

[mikkaeus]

house md fic recs — short fics (<10k). hilson + rarepairs

Other house rec lists: long fics | episode tags | postcanon | infidelity trope (all of these are mutually exclusive apart from the infidelity one)

highly recommend not skipping out on the non-hilson fics!! scroll to the end for a list of some really great ones. No huddy though because I'm not the biggest fan.

house/wilson and gen fic

I decided to just lump the gen fic together with the slash because really most of them can be read as slash with a G rating. Before we get into the fics, here are some notable authors that have written several house fics. Not all their fics are going to be listed individually, but if I have the author there I've read all or a lot of their stuff and enjoyed it, so I recommend going through their backlog.

otter: Some really excellent prose and great atmosphere. A little soft, a little pensive. And they nail the characterisation and dialogue.

ignaz: im sure everyone has read ignaz's longfic (a modest proposal and its sequel — the one where house and wilson get married so wilson cant testify against house in the tritter arc) but absolutely check out all their other stuff — it's all quality.

bironic: I really enjoy the bit of edge in bironic's fics. It makes them so yummy.

bethfrish: What stands out about their fics is how they peer into all the pointy edges of Wilson and Julie's relationship, thus making them excellent and unique Wilson character studies. Great prose and dialogue that rivals the show's.

Transformatron: fics that are transcendent and porny, all featuring a d/s undertone or theme (wilson as the dom)

astolat: if u dont know astolat idk what to say to u. just go read their fics.

blackmare (livejournal / ao3 pseud 1 / ao3 pseud 2 / lj pseud third_owl for slash fics i think) Does really great short fics (mostly gen) that slot into episodes. Like meta but in fic form. All of them are worth a read. Some of their fics are on ao3 but a lot aren't (like nearly all the episodic ones).

Namaste (livejournal / ff.net): Some short fics, some much longer ones. Mostly gen focussing on H&W friendship, with some fics on canon pairings. Interesting character studies and exceptionally discerning prose that is a pleasure to read.

In order of length. *faves, ***underrated faves

***Touch by zulu (<1k) (2007) The number of ways House could embarrass him with touches, Wilson thinks, is practically endless.

Silent Sigh by thedeadparrot (<1k) (2009) Wilson, autumn, melancholy, and House. Second person.

Heartbeats by thedeadparrot (<1k) (2009) Three moments in which House and Wilson are almost kind of functional.

No Pain by bironic (<1k) (2008) House finds a permanent solution to his pain problem and convinces Wilson to give him what he needs. Vampire fic! Frottage! hell yeah.

Also check out the sequel: No Mercy by daasgrrl (3k)

***The Game of Wilson: Six Cards in a Five Card Game by paradisecity (1k) (2006) If you're going to play a game like moving in together, decide upon three things at the start: the rules of the game, the stakes, and the quitting time. Fun and snappy. Great dialogue.

*we're getting good at this by ad astra dean (1k) Wilson had a migraine. Established relationship. Soft and sweet and realistic esp after 8.19. fuck. Premium hurt/comfort.

**********three more stories by besselfcn (1k) The first time it happens is (New Orleans, 1991 | Albany, 2009 | Augusta, 2012) and they are (drunk | sober | out of time). This fic emotionally obliterated me. I’m obsessed with the format like it’s prose halfway to poetry, so creative and unique and well-executed??? I cried so much. I am UNWELL and immeasurably fucked up about them put me in my grave. (Yeah I said these lists were mutually exclusive but this fic is the exception bc idc)

The Awakening of Wils-Ankh-Amun, Royal Concubine by blackmare, Nightdog_barks, pwcorgigirl (1k) It was a rather unusual 'morning after.' This is hilarious. Reads like a classic prank episode. They're so dumb together I love them.

The One Where House Has Always Been a Woman by thedeadparrot (1k) (2009) Despite the hospital gossip, House is not, in fact, a man-hating lesbian. Genderswapped House but not Wilson.

Gray Morning by starlingthefool (1k) All he remembers is that the transition between a stupid joke and the meeting of mouths was almost seamless. Christmas fic that takes place one year after "Merry Little Christmas" (3.10).

Loser Day Blues by blackmare, Nightdog_Barks (1k) February fourteenth is just another day, and another evening in which Wilson winds up at House’s, although — this time — not for the usual reasons.

*indefinable by PaintedVanilla (1k) House can hear Wilson getting ready for bed; he can hear him brushing his teeth, undressing, being unusually quiet. Normally there’s a humming; a breathless energy that House won’t admit to loving about him. He doesn’t hear it tonight. It’s dead silent.

criteria by PaintedVanilla (2k) “I don’t think they know that we’re married.”

***We Live Together in a Photograph of Time by ignaz (2k) Wilson's hair curls when they're fucking. God I'm devastated. The ✨atmosphere✨. This is so in character. And can we talk about the banger title and summary??? I was gnawing my arm before I even opened the fic. Set in s4.

***Things To Do Before You Die by thedeadparrot (2k) In which Wilson turns thirty-eight and a half, thinks about kittens, and doesn't have a midlife crisis. But not necessarily in that order. Prank war with a twist. I’m so fond. Hits all the right cadences with the writing.

So Let Us Melt, and Make No Noise by ignaz (2k) (2007) "You kill patients all the time," House said. "You never stay at work until--" He peered at the clock. "--Four in the morning to make sure they're really dead."

***Curiosity by Namaste (2k) (2006) From Cameron's perspective. Fun character study of her and by extension House and the other two musketeers. Not shippy.

Welcomed Change by JammiesDodger (2k) A cute G-rated getting together fic.

Alone, Together by daasgrrl (2k) Finding new ways to be intimate.

*Keep Your Eyes Wide by deepimpact (2k) There is no specific amount of time passed, no big event, no one thing that Wilson can pin as the catalyst. Obsessed with this. Great atmosphere, excellent prose, and and everything feels authentic and in character. Set pre-season/s1.

***Carrion Eaters by ignaz House, in some indeterminate future or an alternate universe, from the perspective of a new hire. I really loved this story. It's sharp and sad, with great build up.

***Projection by bironic (2k) Remember Ali, that really pretty 17/18 year old clinic patient that was obsessed with House? This fic is Wilson's elaborate fantasy about fucking her, which is of course as much about House as it is her. Post 3.04.

***No Exchange of Payment by otter (2k) The gifts that House gives to Wilson. I adore this. It's about the little things. Otter has exceptional prose and always nails the characterisation, which makes their writing a real pleasure to read.

***All the Effects of Intoxication (3k) by otter This only happens when they're drunk. Just as yummy as that one-line description suggests. I love this a lot — the characterisation and dialogue are excellent and I think this scenario is very realistic for them.

Leave This Harbor for the Sea by otter (3k) House was never the kind of friend who'd help you move, even when he'd had two good legs, not to mention two good arms perfectly capable of lifting boxes. He'd always been the sort of friend who'd stop by while you were packing, make cutting remarks about the failures of your romantic relationships, and use all the half-filled boxes as an excuse to root through your things.

***the growing up, the falling down by riceonrye (3k for the series) Wilson is trying to buy a nice make-up present for his girlfriend, but there’s a guy in the shop with him brazenly shoplifting. Wilson, meet House. This is so good!!! I grinned like an idiot all the way through. It captures the throw-bottles-at-windows side of Wilson so well. A very cute AU of a different first meeting whilst still remaining true to the characters. Don't forget to read the sequel as well.

***never rains (but it pours) by Transformatron (3k) So... remember that episode where House can't pee? I present you some excellently written pisskink pwp. Nails the hilson dynamic, so even if piss isn't your thing, give it a go?

***Blind Spot by blackmare, Nightdog_Barks (3k) Wilson becomes blind after a head injury. genfic.

***Four Blocks South of Eden by bethfrish (3k) If you wanted paradise, you're a little off. I loved the tentative, slightly off-kilter feeling of this. Bang on characterisation, dialogue, and use of 2nd person POV (House). Set in s1 — Wilson's marriage is falling apart, and it leads to a night that could be the start of something new.

***Lie To Me by zulu (4k) It's terribly simple. No one ever dies, and everybody lives happily ever after. Exuberant ketamine summer House!!! Equal parts sexy and heartbreaking. Check out the sequel as well (1k).

Stumbling Towards Something Real by ignaz (4k) House and Wilson on holiday in Mexico. (A flagrant excuse for smut, basically.) I'm soft. In character and well-written.

Goes the Neighbourhood by Dee_Laundry (4k) One month into their permanent positions, the new fellows catch a case on the weekend and have to track House down.

***Easy by GoldStarGrl (4k) James Wilson is the easiest person in his dorm. At McGill. In all of eastern Canada, maybe. A fleshed-out version of their first meeting, as well as an insightful character study of Wilson. Slots nicely into canon, whether you believe in the "wilson has cheated on every wife with house" version or the "they fucked when they first met and never talked about it again" version. I really enjoyed this — they’re beautifully in character, and it's excellent writing.

***A Momentary Lapse of Reason by otter (5k) Wilson and Julie through House’s eyes, from the beginning to the end. Skips back and forth between the past and now. The quiet yearning!!! Also *standing on the table with a megaphone* have i mentioned how GORGEOUS otter's prose is??

*Blow the Candles Out by bethfrish (5k) Another year older, another year wiser, another divorce lurking just around the corner. So good!!! Wilson celebrates his birthday amongst the detritus of his marriage. The prose is really exceptional here. House's dialogue is also especially well done. It's a fun read that holds up well on a re-read.

***midnight rain by GoldStarGrl (5k) Wilson can't possibly know the pain. But he wants to. I am vibrating!!! Set precanon, in the aftermath of the infarction. Infidelity, spanking, hello??? Hot, vivid, excellent characterisation, excellent writing etc etc. A+ no notes.

***Through The Looking Glass (The Male Gaze Mashup) by zulu (5k) "If Wilson didn't know, great. What he didn't know couldn’t hurt him. If Wilson did know, it didn't matter, because if he hadn't berated House for it yet, then it was permission to continue." Interesting character study of Wilson and the way House slots into his life. Imaginative and fun descriptions. I did feel slightly lost at some points but it was still a great read. Excerpt: House tears open every envelope, even those addressed to Occupant, then brings back the well-read contents like a cat offering half-dead moles to its hunting-deficient human.

Empathy, Inc. by sassyjumper (5k) Cuddy hires a company that provides 'empathy training' to doctors. House reacts. Set in an earlier season.

***All's Fair In Love (and war) by Transformatron (6k) House and Wilson are enjoying the last day of their holiday when an urgent call comes through from Princeton-Plainsboro - a medical mystery that only House can solve. And he does intend to solve it, despite Wilson's best efforts to distract him. (Established relationship.) Wilson making House do a case whilst fucking him?? I'm an absolute sucker for this trope and I was delighted to find a fic with it.

A Towered Citadel by Namaste (7k) A differential diagnosis for Wilson’s serial cheating.

***And the Borders of Old Cities Get Redrawn by blackmare (7k) Continuation/canon divergence from 8.02 "Transplant". Ch1 is the most perfect episode tag I am vibrating . The way they fall back into their old rhythm!! House seeking out his touch like a cat and Wilson accepting it, even liking it!! The hints of pre-relationship are so delicious. (This is a rare slash fic from blackmare.) Ch2&3 are also absolutely brilliant!! Great characterisation, pacing, and tension-building.

A Voice in Ramah (Welcome to Holland) by ignaz (8k) Cuddy POV on her pregnancy journey. Diverges from the show. Really well done. ignaz did this topic and Cuddy's character justice. I also particularly liked House in this one.

Singapore by thedeadparrot (8k) (2009) In which the boys go to a medical conference in Singapore, House has a few surprises up his sleeve, and Wilson figures some things out.

*A Helping Hand by bironic (9k) Wilson has an unusually rough day and House decides (somewhat despite himself) to help. Things go further than he planned. A believable foray into non-platonic territory, set in between 2.22 (Forever) and 2.24 (No Reason). What better way to take your mind off your patients than a good-ol handjob between friends? Chuck in an absolutely delicious fucked-up overtone characteristic of them and we're golden.

Rarepairs

Chase/House

***pretty doctor by spqr (5k) AU where Chase is a hooker. House becomes obsessed with him after he off-handedly gives the correct differential diagnosis. spqr is an excellent writer that I've followed across multiple fandoms, and this fic did not disappoint. Well-written, great chemistry, hilarious. I could read 100k of this.

***atonement in the locker room after hours by missaa (2k) robert chase makes two mistakes in one day Tags: Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, degradation, God Complex, Catholic Guilt This is just as yummy as those tags make it sound. Someone needed to capitalise on the whole *waves hand vaguely* thing that Chase has going on and by god did this person rise to the occasion. Love the characterisation and the elegant prose, and the structure that flashes back and forth between two scenes. I'm insane!

Chase/Foreman Shoutout to ignaz who sold me on this pairing.

*Pretty Harsh (Confirmatory Testing Remix) by everybodylies (2k) Foreman might have flirted with Chase six months ago for like thirty seconds. Chase can't stop thinking about it.

***Two For The Road by ignaz (3k) For the first ever Foreman Fest, prompt 107 -- "after a break and enter gone wrong, Foreman and Chase are both sentenced to 300 hours of community service, which it looks like they're gonna spend picking up trash on the side of the road." Really solid writing (I mean it’s ignaz), believable characterisation and relationship building. I love them 💓💓💓 just overall a real pleasure to read. Also it's hilarious.

***Eric Foreman Doesn't Take It Up The Ass (But If He Did, It Might Happen Something Like This) by ignaz (6k)

Self-Defense, or The One Where Foreman Teaches Chase How to Throw a Punch by ignaz (1k)

Cameron/Foreman/Chase

Third Wheel Rolling by ignaz He's not jealous, but he's been the third wheel for so long that it's hard to tell the difference. Sexy + great characterisations.

Cuddy/Stacy

***Your Reflection and Mine by Starlingthefool (3k) Sweet, hot, well written.

Amber/Thirteen

***Hate (to the power of 13) by ijemanja (2k) (lj) Porny, with snappy writing and believable characterisations.

Hen Night by zulu (<1k) This is how breakups go. Amber's seen movies.

Release by zulu (1k) Wilson dies on the bus instead of Amber.

Chase/Wilson

Erase by bethfrish (<1k) Featuring a bar and crossdressing. Precanon. Second person, Wilson POV.

Patrick Bateman/Wilson

Just Like You, Only Worse by bethfrish (1k) Ok before you raise your eyebrows at the pairing, give it a chance. Bethfrish is an excellent writer. This fic is really a Wilson character study, and it's an interesting read. Second person POV Wilson, set in s1.

[hollownoire]

God I want to make a video game so bad. At this point I'd devote myself to any project I could get my hands on.

Alas I know absolutely nothing about coding and it feels like there's absolutely not enough time in the day to chase all of my goals/projects/dreams at once.

I want to practice art, I want to make art, learn it. I want to make games, learn how to make games...

Hell, I've been debating making a YouTube channel for years now. But again, there's like...4 or 5 steps towards that end I'd have to see through.

What video editing software do I use? Is the way I record optimal and enjoyable to view? What about my mic? What do I even record? I've thought of doing speed paints, drawing tutorials, video games...like I wanna do a mixed bag of things that interest me and are fun to make. I had this fun idea to have a speed paint of the thumbnail I made for the video at the end, kind of merge art into whatever other creative process I'm working with. Especially video games, I currently have a chunk of Lethal Company footage sitting in a dusty corner of my computer that I've just been staring at timidly.

But with recording things and possibly even dropping my voice into the internet for random people to hear, I'm horribly self-concious about how my voice sounds. I don't have the money to drop on getting proper voice training and finding time in my already packed schedule to practice solo is frustrating enough to make me wanna fucking eat chalk.

Still need to make an "about page/intro" page to pin to my blog, alongside cleaning up the formatting and just making it look nicer.

I have multiple art projects planned...a few commissions that I need to do...oh yeah, I still need to make comm price sheet to post/pin/link as well...

The cherry on top is paypal has my dead name plastered on it 🤢

I'm so goddamn tired.

[fishfingersandscarves]

did you hear that paramount (i think that's who owns the property) is releasing DS9 in a de-mastered format. it's gonna look like it's a vhs recording. and they're gonna put commercials (from back in the day) in. and, the most egregious imo, they're gonna put random other shows and/or chunks of sports events in (like the vhs messed up the recording time/channel, or like a family member recorded something over the episode.)

like do they really think people want that bs fucking up the content they paid for. like yeah there's a nostalgia angle, but. why am i going to pay for DVD's of a show i'm not even going to be able to watch all of every episode.

make it make sense, if you can.

I mean to be fair it's an interesting viewing experience and sounds like something maybe I wouldn't rewatch but definitely would at least once just bc it's a cool way to format that

[seeingteacupsindragons]

Re: writing something like shounen manga: From my observation and experience, it requires a lot of vulnerability and a little bit of stupidity. It means getting silly, going entirely over the top, making mistakes, and stepping far out of your comfort zone.

Oh, those aren't the parts I have problems with. The parts I have problems with come in a couple parts:

The serial nature / arc format of most shonen, especially the longer running ones. Manga is just a very different format that novels or even short stories get these days in Western Trad Pub. You cannot have things parceled into Discrete Chunks--they're very structurally different, and leaning too far into the episodic nature fucks up a novel's pacing.

The expansive worldbuilding that just doesn't fuckin' matter. Worldbuilding is not a thing I'm good at, particularly, but there's a way a lot of shonen just makes sure you know there's endless places to explore. You can Feel the 500 million places left unexplored in HxH. You know there's a billion more aliens species in DBZ. You know you don't know everything because something new and random is always waiting to be introduced. This is hard to keep contained in a novel format and also make it not...distracting?

So, so, so many shonen feature protagonists with the vaguest goals ever. Adventure! Exploring! Becoming The Number One Hero! Doing Various Jobs for the Underworld when they send them to you! I honest to god have no idea how to replicate the potential openness of that.

It's not the Power of Friendship I struggle with. It's not the Raw Human Gutsiness I struggle with. It's not the genuine emotional heart and enthusiasm and fun. It's the Exploration and Potential. I don't know how to do that.

[tuzesdays]

17. Talk to me about the minutiae of your current WIP. Tell me about the lore, the history, the detail, the things that won’t make it in the text.

(This can also be in dms :3)

its 3am and someone just set off two fireworks directly outside my home so hi andy good morning lets talk dayshift

so i use grammarly and basic spelling correct to edit, right? what yall dont see, that i do, is before every chapter i plug everything into the text box and let grammarly go at it - usually this ends up with.... id say the average number of corrections it suggests is around 70. and every time, i go thru the whole thing checking every correction because man, grammarly does NOT know how real people talk. theres a certain cadence to verbal speech yknow? something i try to emulate in my regular texting style, but in a properly formatted story its different (not harder or easier, different) because while you cant capitalize random words for Emphasis, you CAN do a whole bunch of other stuff: dashes, sentence breaks, i especially like to split a chunk of dialogue in half with a described action. maybe not every misspelling is intentional, but all the words are.

and some of the stuff i thought about is NEVER - or at least UNLIKELY to be - coming up in the story!! for instance, i dont do things like flashbacks. what you see of the characters background and experiences either comes from what they say or what their actions imply. sunbite gives the benefit of internal dialogue and memory, but its a yn fic so even thats spotty sometimes.

people who just read the fic would Never Know that sunbites blood relation father only ever saw them once. and i also dont include things that wouldnt be apparent to the characters- it has no effect on them, how would they ever know? how would sunbite ever know that they have a little sibling, possibly more than one? how would you ever know that obi's "heirlooms" from his grandmother included another ring passed down maternally for the last five generations with a decent sized sapphire on it? would you know that sunbite loves dogs because their first imaginary friend was one, and they named him Lucky? this stuff has no effect of them now, practically forgotten about. but its there cause i say it is.

storytelling is fucking Wild, dude. of course i took some inspiration from bamsara and naffeclipse (god damn at this point what dca writer hasnt a little bit) but also im pretty proud of my 'do no harm, take no shit' yn. it was always gonna be them, theyre the only person for the job in my mind. the way ive structured things and the way things are going to go, only people with that attitude - and that unkillable amount of hope and love - would be able to make it all the way through. maybe thats not the easiest character to project onto, but hey, its more a personal thing. dayshift go figure is, among other things, a power fantasy.

anyway, took the oppurtunity to ramble, its 3am. tldr; i put a lot of thought into word usage and character history, and most of those thoughts arent important to anyone but me.

[therelentless]

ooc;; kinda miss how simple was rping back in the day. you had a URL, some fucking big ass gifs and you were good to go. no APA format, not throwing two paragraphs of random sometimes unnecessary description, because if you just throw in there a chunk of dialogue it makes you look lame, oh! having fun reblogging aesthetics posts, and even more aesthetics, without worrying about "oh can't reblog too many things, gotta have some threads in there too and look professional"

yeah.

[dernarrleid]

What’s something you find weird on here?

What’s something you wish to improve?

Questions for the Mun | accepting!

Weird, no? Alright well, I don't like blogs that do replies once a month in between all these random rbs of musings. That's not weird though, since 40% of the blogs I've seen do just that, and if I'm lucky a few prompts too. That they'll never- man. Something I don't really understand? I've already vented about it, I understand on some level, but... like bro moderation.

My general prose. I feel like everyone has a distinct style, and I can kind of see mine but it doesn't see me. I'm more action and dialogue, so these long winded, introspective monologues be goin over my head. Don't get me wrong, I love them very much. Just ain't in my repertoire right now. Part of it has to do with me getting negative hours of sleep every other night.

I can't think of anything I like or don't like about writing trends because I don't notice them. Generally, the people I follow write very similar length/style/punctuation. If you mean formatting, then: e x t r a 2 -3 s p a c e s b e t w e e n w o r d s, sub and sup text, ᏇᏂᎩ ᏗᏒᏋ ᎩᎧᏬ ᏬᏕᎥᏁᎶ ᏖᏂᎥᏕ?, colors, when did icons/banners take up a whole two inch chunk of the prompt? I feel like it's longer than the ask sometimes, matching lengths when unnecessary (never happened to me, but I go around reading threads (probably weird) and see it happening, only for them to complain on a confessions page and yikes-), fucking please go back to legacy editor PLEASE.

[haloguyfttp]

So Hoyo released a Myriad Celestia again and I kinda just wanna bitch real quick. Never mind it got long, read more my beloved protect the masses (and future me) from my whining.

1 huge thing I hate that Hoyo does is making all these really important lore videos... and make them only accessible via YT. Or to say it another way, just fucking add the mp4 to the damn game.

Like I get character trailers and demos and stuff, fine, whatever. But the amount of important story/worldbuilding that isn't even in the game, but is instesd accessed via a youtube channel is infuriating to me.

My oldest relevant anecdote that soured me on this permanently is for ancient Genshin, when they released the 1st Dainsleif quest. At the end of it you're at this weird place near Stormterror's Lair, and there's some dialogue that makes like no sense both here and just all throughout the quest. So I chalked this up to "Ok we'll find out in some future update I guess." Imagine my surprise when I hop online and people are talking about this random fallen civilization that isn't mentioned in-game anywhere, and how the other twin was here too??? And then I look it up and Khaenriahs first mention (I think, maybe it was in some readable first) is in a fucking youtube video, which also shows a lot of important shit that could've just been in the quest. Like a pretty big chunk of very important stuff that the quest is about is here, why is it in a fucking youtube video you won't find unless you somehow just know it exists.

Anyways yeah, HSR suffers from it too, they could've thrown in that one animated short thing in the Luofu arc but nope, in-game you get vague mentions but on the YT channel you get detailed animations. Or that Jepella thing. Or the Duke Inferno thing.

Yeah I hate this format. It's like some MCU BS where you have to watch all this disconnected shit because they refuse to put it all in 1 place.

[rigelmejo]

Okay there are some poor fucking translations in modern Glossika japanese :c

Look. The old version, the old cd audio lessons, had less words and their language was more artificial learner textbook format (like Genki). But there was less errors.

At least 20% (one in 5) sentences has a translation that's partly or wholly wrong. Its a good thing Im not a true beginner, and can tell. Stuff that has a literal translation of "what would be a good thing to do?" (Which would help you fogure out the wood GOOD is in the sentence) is translated in the app as "what should i do?" Another sentence thqt they translated as "are you okay" would more literally be "your mood seems bad (warui)" so the learner is going to what... tjink warui means "okay'" if they didnt realize these translations are NOT literal.

I suspect these sentences are from Tatoeba or some mass online sentences database. Theres much less purposeful grammar in the sentences compared to the old course, and the translations are so much fucking worse. So much worse. 1 out of 5 sentences being translated wrong is too fucking many in a paid course! That's 20%! Thats a huge chunk of what you study! The old version had an occasional translation INTO japanese error, but it was more like 1 in 20 so like 5% of the sentences. I realize im complaining a lot, its just WILD how much worse these translations are compared to the old course, making it seem like they for some reason tjought literal translation (which helps word to word matching and grammat understandimg) is no longer worth the effort.

I suspect they took the sentences from tatoeba (or similar sentence banks), and then cut the sentences into smaller bits but didnt edit the source sentence's translations which were probably user submitted wherever the sentences are from. (Maybe glossika made up their own sentences, who knows, but if they made these translations themselves then wowwwww did their own work drop in quality).

So ive used Clozemaster app in the past. It used to be free. Now its monthly fee if you want to more than 20 sentences a day. Anyway, clozemaster intentionally used taboeta sentences and google translate and TTS for their HUGE bank of sentences. Initially, for a few years, these features were free for as many sentences as u want (they only limited sentences for free users around a year ago). The negative was Clozemaster sentences had more errors rhan PROFESSIONAL APPS like Pimsleur, Busuu, Glossika *cough*. The upside was that Clozemaster had SOOOO many words, so much variety of sentences from real reading materials so it was how the language was Actually used. It wasnt artificially easier like many apps, and that meant when you improved understanding in Clozemaster you also saw Noticeable progress in reading skills in your target language of stuff for native speakers. You saw formal and very informal sentences. For japanese, clozemaster was awesome for getring used to verb conjugations and formality in real language use. Clozemaster also improved over time: eventually you could translate word by word, so if google translate's auto generated sentence wasnt literal then you could click word by word to find the Actual literal sentence meaning, you could look up 1 word if you didny know it, you could look up kanji.

Glossika's current japanese course reminds me of Clozemaster. Except they cut out the sentence complexity, so it doesnt have the benefit clozemaster has. Glossika doesnt have a way to show the literal translation, so where Clozemaster gave alternatives when its own sentence translation wasnt useful... glossika just lets you flounder (or worse, learn something quite wrong). Glossikas course reminds me of if you found a random japanese learner sentences deck made by a beginner learner who used google translate and hoped it was right. And i say random deck, because the most common currently floating around japanese anki decks use mostly the Japanese iKnow sentences which were made to be educational and have few errors. Tango decks are also popular, again based on a learning material the Tango textbooks, so they have few errors in the translations.

My conclusion: lmao dont pay for the modern Glossika japanese course. I may keep doing it just to see how far I get in a month, since Ive done a lot with Clozemaster in the past (and it had its errors for a while) and i still made some progtess. Im just particularly bitter because as a professional resource, i really expected less fucking errors. I shouldnt have to be vigilant to catch errors in the first fucking 200 sentences every minute or so.

I guess I'd still recommend: Japaneseaudiolessons.com (free) then Satori Reader app (if you're going paid) or SmartBook Kursx app (free parallel text reader - the full sentence translations are good but the word individual ones are 20% wrong for japanese, which is fairly common with machine translation tools). And of course anki decks if you like anki. I would love to join Nukemarine's patreon, buy his Lets Learn Japanese anki decks, then go back to those since those truly made me progress IMMENSELY in a matter of months! But i cannot focus on something like anki right now, i know i cant. I wish i could get his LLJ decks, and then could figure out how to turn them to audio files with TTS english then the Japanese repeated twice.

If ANYONE is tech savy with converting anki decks to audio files (and adding TTS)? I WILL draw you a picture or something if you would be kind enough to help me make such audio files. Im completely serious. Ill go buy the decks right now if someone can help me make english-japanese sentence audio files with the deck. I have seen some reddit posts about converting an anki deck to audio file, but i didnt understand how to do the "add tts" step for english.

[popstarryeyed]

forgot to clarify - i made this post bc i'm one of those people working hard. about a year ago i was listening to "hope in the air" by laura marling (one of my absolute favorite songs) and i noticed its lyrics on spotify had some inaccuracies and bad formatting. i went digging to find out who i could report this to and found that actually, i could theoretically be the one to fix it. musixmatch has a points system to prevent random people from just going in and fucking things up, but after uploading some lyrics for smaller artists i managed to get enough points to take the Curator Test - a test of their guidelines & fluency in your chosen language - which gave me enough editing abilities to fix "hope in the air". and the rest is history. i don't have enough points to upload/edit taylor swift lyrics or anything but i've done a significant chunk of laura marling, marika hackman, jesca hoop, adia victoria, and little green cars/soda blonde, to name a few.

if i follow you and you've ever mentioned an artist or song and then a few days/weeks later you suddenly noticed there were lyrics on spotify when there weren't before or that errors in the lyrics were fixed, hi. that was me

was watching ally sheehan's 1989 tv reaction and there was a moment where she was shocked to find that the lyrics for the vault tracks were not on spotify. she made a joke like "spotify you had one job!!"

and i was sitting there like. i know why. because musixmatch (the service that partners with spotify) takes a few days to sync with spotify. if a song's just been released it'll take a few days for the lyrics to show up. and that's only if someone uploads them. with major artists like taylor you don't have to worry but the lyrics you see on spotify are all manually uploaded by users on musixmatch. it's not some automated process.

i guess this isn't common knowledge but it's just so jarring to remember that people take it for granted. like i don't have anything against ally for not knowing (i didn't know until i got curious and looked into it) but i almost feel like tweeting at her and explaining it just to get it out to a wider audience that actually there are lots of people working hard to make sure you have lyrics on spotify

[killerbananas]

Hello, my beloved 💝 I have some brain rot for you!!!

I've been feeling really stressed out and down in the dumps as of late. I'm dreaming of soft Daddy Erwin fucking the sadness away. I just want him to make soft, sweet love to me and I want him to praise me until I cry happy tears

Recherché

Headcanons, informal bullet writing, random dialogue of Erwin coaxing you out of your shell when the world is too heavy.

🔞 mdni | masterlist | 696 wc | afab!reader x Erwin

Warnings: smut; period sex, fingering, petnames enough to drive you nuts, sadness, period pain, DD////LG heavily themed, again petnames, fluff soft, Dom/sub tones, alluded punishment, subspace, praise, tears, bath sex alluded, established relationship, run-on sentences boarding brainrot wordvomit, biting/hickies, dirty talk, size sorta but not emphasized outside the repeated verbiage of 'little,' dry humping, palm grinding/riding/humping, piv alluded, kinda rough still because I'm just that way >.>; little humor, lmk??

AN: thank you for the opportunity to write this piece, sweet girl ♥️💋 if the formatting of the dialogue is not legible, please lmk and I'll fix it. I do not want to disadvantage anyone for the sake of "aesthetic."

Recherché [adjective]

re·​cher·​ché | \ rə-ˌsher-ˈshā , -ˈsher-ˌshā \

1a: EXQUISITE, CHOICE | 1b: EXOTIC, RARE | 2: excessively refined : AFFECTED | 3: PRETENTIOUS, OVERBLOWN

Synonyms: choice, dainty, delicate, elegant, exquisite, fine, rare, select

♥️ Erwin's hands are perfect for kneading every ache from your limbs, torso, breasts, tensed cheeks, spread thighs, womb with all the strategically tender care he knows how to cultivate.

♥️ The man is complexly capable and juggles the role of caretaker well when he knows you are at your lowest. You return it to him in spades by giving him every dark corner of your mind and body, such a willing flower for a charming gardener, thoughtful man, enthralling bedmate, supportive husband.

♥️ When the pain is the worst he knows the two most successful ways to help lie in either soft supple soothing praise of sensual release or carefully controlled counterpain to encourage that drop that begs your tears to cleanse your conscience, conscious, soul, psyche.

♥️ When your mind feels as if you're crumbling and the water floods your lashline, Erwin's all open arms and legs as he brings you to his chest. With your legs astride or across his lap, he guides the cascading chunks as you fall apart in the cage of his heartbeat. Hearing the thunk thunk eventually distracts your mind when he pairs a gentle humming that vibrates like hymns resonate with the balance your chaotic mind deserts you of.

♥️ You crave the skin to skin contact and strip in haste to your panties, appreciative of how he cradles your form to his own by nature and nurture of his care for you. He wants his baby close and to touch you, ground you, let you work yourself up on his lap and grind down when you're good and ready to let him help heal the hurt.

♥️ He makes eye contact and will tuck your hair back all to see his pretty baby's face because he reads you delicately when you need this touch, consideration, investigation of how to juggle your mood with just enough balm to the ache and gentle coaxing that let's his wide palms span your skin, traipse your body, spread your legs, dip into your panties.

♥️ He kisses the pout, blush, embarrassment, arousal right across your person as if a kindling you need only ask to burn for you. Erwin gets a deep pleasure seeing your lips part, lustswollen as you worked yourself up into the gesture of his obsession, devotion, fixation, fetish.

♥️ Back to his chest while his velvet hard-on ruts prespend smeared arousal along the cleft of your ass, he suckles the faintest marks along your throat, keeps his fore and middle finger strumming over your slick puffy sore sensitive little clit until you're barely able to breathe let alone remember his name as your worked up pussy pulses around nothing, his fingers soon rectifying the emptiness by sliding right down and stretching you around three thick digits in a dominating backwards apology that only serves to intensify the cresting euphoria as you grind into his pressing palm.

♥️ He mutters filthy perfect praise in your ear for letting go and letting him in and trusting him with the state of you. He is reverent and gentle, but firmly captivating and assuring in his convictions he professes.

♦️ ️ 𝓢𝔀𝓮𝓮𝓽 𝓰𝓲𝓻𝓵, 𝔀𝓸𝓻𝓴𝓮𝓭 𝓾𝓹, 𝓳𝓾𝓼𝓽 𝓵𝓮𝓽 𝓰𝓸 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓬𝓸𝓶𝓮 𝓯𝓸𝓻 𝓶𝓮. 𝓘'𝓿𝓮 𝓰𝓸𝓽 𝔂𝓸𝓾. 𝓢𝓸 𝓫𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓽𝓱𝓽𝓪𝓴𝓲𝓷𝓰, 𝓼𝓮𝓮𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝔂𝓸𝓾𝓻 𝓽𝓲𝓽𝓼 𝓱𝓮𝓪𝓿𝓮.

♦️ 𝓢𝓾𝓬𝓱 𝓪 𝓭𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓶, 𝓹𝓮𝓻𝓯𝓮𝓬𝓽 𝓽𝓱𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓪𝓻𝓮, 𝓼𝓹𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓭𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝔂𝓸𝓾𝓻𝓼𝓮𝓵𝓯 𝓼𝓸 𝓓𝓪𝓭𝓭𝔂 𝓬𝓪𝓷 𝓶𝓪𝓴𝓮 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓯𝓮𝓮𝓵 𝓫𝓮𝓽𝓽𝓮𝓻. 𝓢𝓱𝓸𝔀 𝓶𝓮 𝓱𝓸𝔀 𝓰𝓸𝓸𝓭 𝓲𝓽 𝓲𝓼, 𝓼𝓪𝔂 𝓽𝓱𝓪𝓷𝓴 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓬𝓸𝓶𝓮 𝓯𝓸𝓻 𝓶𝓮, 𝓫𝓪𝓫𝔂𝓰𝓲𝓻𝓵.

♦️ 𝓓𝓸𝓷'𝓽 𝔀𝓸𝓻𝓻𝔂 𝓘'𝓶 𝓱𝓮𝓻𝓮, 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓬𝓪𝓷 𝓽𝓪𝓴𝓮 𝓪𝓵𝓵 𝓽𝓱𝓻𝓮𝓮 𝓲𝓽'𝓼 𝓸𝓴. 𝓙𝓾𝓼𝓽 𝓱𝓸𝓵𝓭 𝓸𝓷𝓽𝓸 𝓶𝔂 𝓪𝓻𝓶 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓻𝓲𝓭𝓮 𝓲𝓽 𝓸𝓾𝓽.

♦️ 𝓖𝓸𝓸𝓭 𝓰𝓲𝓻𝓵, 𝓹𝓻𝓮𝓽𝓽𝔂 𝓫𝓪𝓫𝔂𝓭𝓸𝓵𝓵, 𝓽𝓱𝓪𝓽'𝓼 𝓲𝓽. 𝓛𝓮𝓽 𝓓𝓪𝓭𝓭𝔂 𝓱𝓮𝓵𝓹 𝔂𝓸𝓾. 𝓖𝓲𝓿𝓮 𝓶𝓮 𝓪𝓵𝓵 𝓸𝓯 𝔂𝓸𝓾, 𝓱𝓸𝓷𝓮𝔂.

♦️ 𝓒𝓸𝓶𝓮 𝓱𝓮𝓻𝓮, 𝓭𝓸 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝔀𝓪𝓷𝓽 𝓽𝓱𝓪𝓽 𝓽𝓸 𝓫𝓮 𝔂𝓸𝓾𝓻 𝔀𝓪𝓻𝓶-𝓾𝓹 𝓸𝓻 𝓭𝓸 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝔀𝓪𝓷𝓽 𝓽𝓸 𝓽𝓾𝓬𝓴 𝓲𝓷𝓽𝓸 𝓫𝓮𝓭?

♦️ 𝓞𝓱, 𝓭𝓸𝓷'𝓽 𝔀𝓸𝓻𝓻𝔂 𝓪𝓫𝓸𝓾𝓽 𝓶𝓮 𝔂𝓮𝓽. 𝓢𝓮𝓮𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓵𝓲𝓴𝓮 𝓽𝓱𝓲𝓼, 𝓲𝓽 𝓰𝓮𝓽𝓼 𝓶𝓮 𝔀𝓸𝓻𝓴𝓮𝓭 𝓾𝓹 𝓽𝓸𝓸. 𝓨𝓸𝓾 𝓼𝓮𝓮𝓶 𝓪 𝓫𝓲𝓽 𝓻𝓮𝓼𝓽𝓵𝓮𝓼𝓼 𝓼𝓽𝓲𝓵𝓵. 𝓓𝓸 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝔀𝓪𝓷𝓽 𝓽𝓸 𝓽𝓪𝓴𝓮 𝓪 𝓫𝓪𝓽𝓱 𝓽𝓸��𝓮𝓽𝓱𝓮𝓻 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓼𝓽𝓻𝓮𝓽𝓬𝓱 𝓪𝓻𝓸𝓾𝓷𝓭 𝓶𝔂 𝓬𝓸𝓬𝓴 𝓲𝓷𝓼𝓽𝓮𝓪𝓭? 𝓦𝓮 𝓱𝓪𝓿𝓮 𝓽𝓱𝓪𝓽 𝓫𝓪𝓽𝓱 𝓫𝓸𝓶𝓫 𝓗𝓪𝓷𝓰𝓮 𝓶𝓪𝓭𝓮 𝓲𝓯 𝔂𝓸𝓾'𝓻𝓮 𝓯𝓮𝓮𝓵𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓪𝓭𝓿𝓮𝓷𝓽𝓾𝓻𝓸𝓾𝓼.

♦️ 𝓣𝓱𝓮𝓻𝓮'𝓼 𝓶𝔂 𝓯𝓪𝓿𝓸𝓻𝓲𝓽𝓮 𝓼𝓶𝓲𝓵𝓮. 𝓛𝓮𝓽'𝓼 𝓰𝓮𝓽 𝓽𝓱𝓲𝓼 𝓬𝓾𝓽𝓮 𝓵𝓲𝓽𝓽𝓵𝓮 𝓬𝓾𝓷𝓽 𝓼𝓽𝓾𝓯𝓯𝓮𝓭 𝓯𝓾𝓵𝓵, 𝓱𝓶𝓶?

♥️ NEXT TIME: Let's talk breaking down walls, brats. 😔🙄😌

AN: I rarely write softer stuff and feel awkwardness because of that and this got me a lotta raw feels. So, I'll come back for edits later. I don't usually do this kind of writing either because I do not accept criticism of DD////LG kinks well as it's a sensitivity of mine and please remember this is fiction, all 21+ adults represented in this fantasy, there is no regression in this segment. That being said, if this gets received well I might do the second part, but it's gonna be the molten dark content opposite but also raw. Feedback gently requested if you're about that, anon friendly.

Taglist: @alex--nya @antoxsmith @bakidose @butwestillrememberyourname @casuallyck @chaotic-nick @dearbaji @eyesucket @i1k @icecreamranwich @lavenderdaisyhoney @pockcock @saccharine-darling @seychellse @sinnerofthewalls @stigandr-the-cat @theinariakuma

[not-poignant]

Thinking about the post on media and film distribution I added to yesterday, what I forgot to add is simply that a lot of you now spend the hours that you would have once spent on cinema and television on Tiktok and Reels and (to a degree) YouTube. If you know you spend 1-3 hours on Tiktok each day, well, in the 90s, nothing like that existed. You only had books, cinema, television, radio. So people weren't hyping memes and random dances and Good Emu Person and Shitty Emu Person etc. and everything folks talked about - even on early internet - when it came to mass media, centred on those specific forms of mass media.

Cinema will never ever be the same again so long as people give 12+ hours of their week to Tiktok / Instagram and similar sites, instead of cinema and television. You can't cry out for a golden age that's gone when it's gone because the audiences moved on. The fact is, one of the most common media watching memes on places like Tumblr is a version of 'everyone is recommending shows or movies to me and I don't have the time / energy / inclination to watch them.'

I'm part of this, I spend a lot more time on Tiktok than I do watching television or cinema, and this obviously only applies to the folks who do spend huge chunks of time scrolling through short pieces on the internet. And there's also nothing wrong with that until you go 'omg why aren't we getting shows like we used to / why is fandom so different now / why aren't we having these experiences anymore.'

You took the time and investment away, and that's why. It's way easier to get rabidly hyped in a fandom if you don't have Tiktok, or YouTube, or Instagram**, because what's left over (film, television, etc.) is all you have. And that's a pretty huge and significant reason why a) the budgets for film and TV are smaller (overall, it's similarly extreme on the other end, re: Sandman and Marvel etc. But I'm including everything here) and b) fandoms aren't as huge or long-lasting as they used to be.

I'm still noodling on this, and obviously there are a lot of factors going on here (many of which I went into yesterday, it's so fucking opaque to say 'we don't have films like we used to' because like, we do, people just don't know where to find them anymore, what we don't have is indie films hitting the zeitgeist like they used to, which is a different issue and it's multifactorial, and some of it is that people are now screaming about Emmanuel the Emu instead of the latest indie movie that came out). But I do think where Tiktok is making billions off of people, those billions are not going to more 'classic' forms of mass media.

If you want it, you have to give it your time. It's that simple.

** (Obviously these things can also be used as tools for fandom, it's just so much of fandom has also now ported over to transformative works around real people (i.e. dueting / stitching / replying / remixing / meme-ing etc. are all a form of transformative work that take time and labour, they're just different to what we classically think of as transformative works) and/or Tiktok fandom moves really fast by the nature of the format).

[bookwyrminspiration]

How you word so good and much????

Excellent question! The short answer is that I'm kinda just fucking around and finding out and kinda shambling my way towards improvement

The long answer is under the cut and that "good" writing is very subjective and depends on what you're looking for and what appeals to you. I found some of the things I liked by looking at stories I enjoyed and what about the format appealed to me.

Good writing also comes from being able to make and accept critique without taking it personally. You make things better by deconstructing and reconstructing, pointing out flaws and fixing them. You need to get comfortable with being critiqued and open to critiquing yourself. It's not anything against you, it's to make your work better! When I see a weird sentence in my draft that feels wrong, I don't get caught up on how I didn't write something good, I take it as an opportunity to make it better.

Bad writing isn't something you leave behind forever. You'll improve and will have a better understanding of how to write well, but every single writer has times where they write and it's terrible. That's not telling of your writing as a whole, it's how things go.

Sometimes that means switching out a word so you're not repeating yourself. Sometimes that means taking out a whole chunk of your writing because it's not working--though I don't delete the big chunks, I put them in a separate document to hold on to in case I ever want to use those lines/interactions/ideas again.

Writing well is a continuous process of trying things and trying again and critiquing yourself (not in a mean way) so you can grow! And the process never ends, it's an infinite journey. Which I think is wonderful. How boring it would be if there was an end to growing.

As for how I write so much, for me it comes down to consistency. The wings au didn't spring up overnight and it didn't grow the way it did with random writing sessions where I pounded out a few thousand words and then waited for the next dose of inspiration/motivation.

Inspiration and motivation can be unreliable, so it's beneficial to be able to write without those. At least for me, it's too sporadic to be my only way to write. There are nights where I am dragging myself through my word goal for the day wanting to ignore it, but if I keep waiting for motivation I could be waiting for days, weeks, months, who knows! And sometimes the act of writing is exactly what you need to find it because you get caught up in your story and want to keep going. Sometimes you gotta write when you don't want to

I do that by trying to be as consistent as possible with my writing. I set a word count goal to hit and little by little, that builds into a story. For the majority of the wings au, that daily par was 600 words. Yours can be more or less (and it doesn't have to be daily), but please make it realistic. You want this to be something actually achievable so you aren't constantly failing to hit it and feeling worse about yourself.

Keeping up with that will slow and steady build your work into what you want it to be! And it will make it easier to write when you don't feel like it because you know you're capable of hitting your goals. This part does take a fair amount of commitment and determination to do something difficult, but I think it's worth it. Writing isn't always easy.

Also, take breaks! You're a person and you shouldn't be chugging forward without stop. I know I just said that you shouldn't wait forever for motivation, but there's a distinction between taking a break because you need it and not writing because you're putting it off.

Sometimes I want to skip my words for the day and when I do, I evaluate why. Do I want to skip today because I'm busy with more important work, because I'm sick, because I'm burnt out? Those are great reasons to take a break! Or am I wanting to skip because I just feel like putting it off for no good reason and browse tumblr instead? That's the kind of thing I like to push against and write in spite of.

Breaks are excellent. After NaNoWriMo in 2021 I didn't write a single word for over a month because I needed the break and life was chaotic. So don't feel bad about taking them, just be honest about if you're actually taking a break or if you don't have a good reason (and a good reason can look different for different people!). I'd encourage you to challenge yourself to push through if you don't have a good reason.

Those are kinda the basics of my thoughts about writing good and much, so hopefully some of that is helpful! I'm sure I could say a lot more but I don't wanna make this longer than I already have. But I'm always down to talk about writing and exchange experience/thoughts/tips/etc.

happy writing!

[alienpupy]

no like seriously how does this happen twice. i have to greentext format this i feel like its the best way to explain it

> be me

> regular bisexual tboy. also polyam

> get a t4t girlfriend

> fuck yeah this rules

> get another t4t girlfriend

> this rules even more.

> dating some other people too but stop because it wasnt working out and come to the conclusion im very happy with 2 girlfriends

> one of them has been dissociating a shit ton and sometimes acts very differently to how ive come to expect her to

> uhoh.jpg

> she talks more and more about how she misses chunks of time and cant remember what happens during them

> she starts using a second name and sometimes seems to deeply prefer one over the other seemingly at random

> after a lot of anxiety and conversations gf comes to the realisation she is plural

> shes actually 3 girls

> fuckyeah.jpg

> idc i still love her and its just more girlfriends

> introduce girlfriends to each other. turns out when u have a type they end up wanting to kiss each other a lot

> hell yeah honestly

> get used to this and life continues as normal

> months later other girlfriend is going through a ton of stress for unrelated reasons

> she starts using a different name out of the blue and acting different from how ive come to expect her to

> cannot remember things i know she knew before and seems deeply aware of this fact

> herewegoagain.jpg

> be me, regular bisexual tboy who is very alone in his own brain

> somehow end up with 5 girlfriends for the price of 2

<- curse of girlfriend mitosis

[thessalian]

Thess vs Unfairness

As predicted, Sunshine’s departure has left us a hot mess at work. With still no replacement for Sid, and the other staffer still off (I presume sick, but no one tells us anything anymore), and all the new trainees dictating reports, we can’t catch up on the backlog. Even keeping it from getting any worse is a Sisyphian task at best.

Today, though ... oh fuck, if I didn’t hurt so bad I would be punching walls right now. Came in today to find that Temp had once again grabbed a chunk of typing from only the short, easy bits, and Goblin only taking one report at a time, pretty much at random. This left me with two five-minute bits of insanity from a trainee with no concept about the format we use, two monstrosities (six and eight minutes respectively) from one of the old hands who still manages to cut off important bits of information and ends up stopping in the middle of the block key (dictated at the end) to ask me to add in a sentence or two in some unspecified bit of the original report ... and a seventeen minute report from guy who never does his reports in order and insists on adding detail that we don’t actually need to reports - hence their length. Even the short ones I had left were the ones with tricky accents, no concept of keeping to the format, and general high annoyance levels.

So as you can imagine, the day was already pretty shit.

Then came about 3pm, an hour before I’m due to go home. Scruffman dropped an email that said he unexpectedly had to leave early and was leaving at three, and Temp left at quarter to three for ... some reason or another. (Oh, also, she’s decided that she wants to move into the tiny office because she’s afraid Scruffman’s peering over her shoulder whenever she stops typing. I mean, A) I assured her he’s not because I used to sit there and he never paid attention to what I was up to, and B) if she’s that paranoid about him looking at what she’s doing, I have a feeling she’s trying to hide the fact that she’s still taking all the easy typing and leaving me with the hard stuff.) Anyway, point is that it was basically me, Goblin, and Milady in the office.

At which point, Goblin abandoned her desk entirely and spent forty minutes in conversation with Milady. Which left me with the ever-expanding typing queue, the phones, and the door (or at least the entryphone we use to let couriers in). On my own. When I’m in absolute agony and we’re backlogged to hell and back. Forty. Fucking. Minutes. Not to mention that when I had to get the phone, I got a very nice but somewhat ... sorry, but clueless-sounding lady with a very strong accent and not only did they move closer to me while that was going on but Goblin at least spoke louder, despite their new position meaning they could see that I was on the fucking phone. And from what I heard of that conversation, it was nothing to do with work at all; just another one of Goblin’s complaint-sessions. So I had to bust my ass to at least try to get the typing queue down a little on top of bending in painful ways to buzz couriers in and talking to a lady who seemed to think that explaining her situation in great detail would change the fact that the reports she was after were not on either of our systems and she would have to talk to Scruffman when he came back tomorrow because I don’t handle requests.

I didn’t say good-bye to anyone when I left. I was in too much pain and too fucking angry.

Worst part about all this was that I was going to bring up some of the ... issues in the office during my performance review today ... but, as I pretty much suspected, we’re having to postpone that because of the mess the office is in. And there is no easy way to have a conversation about this sort of thing with Scruffman without a situation he can’t wriggle out of - he hates confrontation and will absolutely dodge any attempt I try to make at flagging up situations that might involve him actually having to manage things in the office for which he is office manager, so if I go to him and ask for a private word about some things that concern me, he’ll say, “Yeah, we’ll talk about this another time” and then absolutely won’t. And I can’t go to Head Honcho because if I do, Scruffman will throw an absolute fit.

Again, I ask: why is it that every job I have ever had goes entirely to shit after a couple of years? Some go bad sooner, but there’s never more than two years before any permanent job I have turns into hell on earth.

Right now I know I need to book some holiday time soon, because I don’t know how much longer I’m going to be able to manage without significant time off. Thing is, with us so understaffed right now, I would just spend the week panicking about how bad the backlog will get in my absence. Because it would. It got that way even when we had Sunshine and Sid in the office; I’d come back to a mess of typing. Without them? It’d be horrific, and I can’t spend a week relaxing when I know that it’s just going to end with me having to bust my ass even harder when I come back.

This would be a wonton soup day if it wasn’t for my fucking intolerance to gluten. And it’s more financially reasonable to eat the food I have at home anyway. I had been thinking about something that’s not leftovers tonight but I doubt I have the strength to put together breakfast-for-dinner (eggs, bacon, potato waffles) or the tuna broccoli lemon pasta, never mind the chicken broccoli pasta bake I had in mind. At least I have stuff I can reheat. Not that I’m hungry, mind you, but I know I have to eat something. Just like I know I have to bathe and do something that isn’t flumping on an available soft surface sulking. Or ... well, not sure ‘sulking’ is the word when it’s a combination of justified rage, horrific depression, looming anxiety and the kind of bad pain day that involves back spasms. I think it’s a holdover from being a teenager: every time I think that it’s just not fucking fair, I have that remnant-voice planted by every single person who had authority over me in my teens accusing me of sulking. It’s the only reason I can think of that I still feel guilty for feeling that way and attempt to belittle the feeling, even when it really is unfair. Hell, especially when it really is unfair, because most adults will generally tell you that “you’re just sulking” when they’ve done something unfair to you but gaslight you because they know they’ll get away with it.

(It really isn’t fair, though.)