#or only in increments idk it’s weird and confusing

[kethabali]

why do i keep having crushes on men that are in their mid 30s

[novoaa1writes]

“hey. wanna bang?”

pairing: mazikeen x f!reader

summary: you meet maze on a night out at lux. the two of you hit it off, and end up sleeping together. you leave the next morning thinking it’s a one-off, but maze seems to have other ideas...

rating: teen

word count: ~1,300

warnings: implied sexual content, implied sex, minor blood and injury (not to either of you), maze being prone to violence and always ready to stab a bitch

notes: none? i don’t think? i just haven’t seen that many maze x reader works so figured i’d contribute something. also available on ao3

— —

You remember meeting Mazikeen like it was yesterday. 

It was late—quarter after midnight, maybe, and you were drunk. Well, not drunk. More like buzzed. 

After all, why shouldn’t you be? Your finals were over, you already had more than enough in your savings for next month’s rent, and your friend Vanya had managed to get the two of you on the list for Lux, the most popular nightclub in the city. 

It was just for one night, of course, but it was still pretty freaking cool regardless—sleek leather upholstery, a bar taking up the entirety of one wall, a spotless grand piano on the ground floor. In short, Lux made your guys’ go-to nightclub look like a shitty dive bar in comparison. 

Vanya had just left to go home with some dapper twenty-something woman in a suit, leaving you alone at the bar amidst a gaggle of exceedingly well-dressed people knocking back your third $20 shot of the night. 

With that, you were about ready to call it quits and send for an Uber to take you back home… except, it seemed, the night had other plans for you. 

Or, perhaps you should say Maze had other plans for you. 

She sidled up next to you at the bar, shoving over a lip-locked couple to make room for herself. If she felt the man turn to glower at her or the woman scoff and roll her eyes at her rudeness, she didn’t let on. 

“Hey,” she said, not even bothering to hide the way she was eyeing you up and down like a predator would its prey. “Wanna bang?” 

And… well. Turns out, you very much did want to “bang.”

You awoke buried in a mess of sheets atop a very nice bed in a loft that probably cost at least twice your yearly tuition, a fully-naked Mazikeen staring down at you with a quizzical expression.

You startled fully awake with a jolt, but managed to recover and flash her a shaky smile in the interest of keeping things casual, or... something. 

“Hi,” you said.

“Hello,” she said. She was still staring, completely unapologetic. 

It was strange—like all her boldness and audacity from the night before had suddenly vanished, replaced by… well, by what, you weren’t quite sure.  

“How long have you been awake?” you asked. 

She tilted her head slightly to the side, though her eyes didn’t leave you. “Hours.” She tucked a stray lock of hair behind your ear, tracked the movements of her fingers brushing your skin with rapt attention. “You look.... not unpleasant when you sleep,” she said finally, then winced as she retracted her hand as though it physically pained her to do so. “For a human.”

You blinked, taken aback. The hell did that mean? “... Thanks?”

Her lips twitched. “You’re welcome.”

You giggled. “You’re weird.” Caution bled into her gaze, and you rushed to reassure her. “No, not bad weird… it’s good. I like it.”

She nodded, though she still looked wary. “Do you have anywhere to be today?”

You yawned, turning your head over to glance at the clock on the nightstand and—

Oh, shit. It was 10:42. 

“Fuck!” you shrieked, bolting upright in bed and throwing off the covers. “I’m late!”

“Late for what?” Maze asked. She watched with a vaguely disgruntled expression as you stumbled to your feet, far too frazzled to be abashed about your state of undress, eyes darting wildly around the room in search of your clothes.

“Work!”

And that… that was the first time it happened. Not that you’d expected (in any sense of the word) that this… thing you had was going to continue.

You weren’t exactly the girl who did one-night stands on a weekly basis or anything, but you’d had your fair share. You knew what to expect. Cocktails at the club, drunken sex, quick exit the morning after. Maybe one (or both) of you would stress meaningless pleasantries enough to exchange numbers or say “We should do this again sometime” or maybe even stay for breakfast (rarely), but that’s all they would amount to—meaningless pleasantries. 

You’d go to work (or class) the next day, head to the club on the weekend to drink and flirt with some random stranger (a different one this time), and that would be that. 

It didn’t matter that the sex was even more fantastic than it ever had been (which it was), or the way your heart skipped a beat when Maze’s fingertips brushed along your jaw (which it had). You knew better than to get hung up over a drunken one-night stand—especially one that started out with “Hey, wanna bang?”

 So, imagine your surprise when Maze strode into the 66th Ave Lounge where you worked as a bartender and made a beeline straight for you, gaze narrowed and lips flattened out into a thin line. She almost looked… angry—though, you were beginning to understand that ‘angry’ was pretty much Maze’s natural state of being.

It also seemed like the world had it out for you that day, because right then, some hammered middle-aged jackass from the other end of the bar decided to speak up, making some gross (and blatantly derogatory) comment about your tits. 

The effect was immediate: Anger flared like a lit match in Maze’s eyes, and she swiftly changed directions, stomping over to the sleazy man in question with narrowed eyes and murderous intent rolling off of her in waves. 

Needless to say, he got his hand skewered to the bar by one of the numerous curved blades on Maze’s person and a swift knee to the crotch for his troubles. 

He was screaming bloody murder in a matter of seconds, Maze had procured twin knives seemingly out of nowhere as she bore down, and you didn’t doubt that she’d have finished the job had you not chosen that exact moment to intervene. 

“Maze, stop !” you ordered—or, at least, tried to. Your voice trembled horribly, and it was at least an octave higher than usual. 

Immediately, she froze. 

You fought the sudden urge to shrivel on the spot as she turned her hard gaze upon you, brows raised in something like a challenge. 

“Maze, it’s fine,” you told her—pleaded, really. The man whimpered, slumped over the bar, drool and tears wetting the lacquered wood. “He’s drunk. He didn’t mean it.”

“Oh, I think he did.”

“Maze…” You sighed, silently begging her with your eyes. “Please. Even if he did, you’ve punished him enough, don’t you think?”

Maze’s expression softened incrementally, and she heaved a sigh. “Fine.” 

She snatched the ringed handle of her blade, yanked it loose from the bar (and the man’s hand) with little effort. The man screamed and sobbed, collapsing down onto the floor the moment he was freed. You fought the urge to grimace at the smear of blood he left on the bar. 

“But only because it’s you asking,” she clarified, then turned to loom over the writhing man, pointing down at him menacingly with her bloodied knife. “You say anything about my girl again—hell, you even look at her the wrong way… I’ll find you. And next time, she won’t be there to save your sorry ass. Got it?”

“G-Got it,” the man sobbed, his words choked with tears. 

“Good.” With that, Maze’s expression cleared as she turned to give you a calculating look over the bar. “When’s your shift over?”

You blinked, your brain struggling to comprehend what just happened. Primarily: ‘My girl’? “I-I get off at 11:00.”

“Good.” Maze’s full lips curved into a wolfish grin. “I’ll pick you up… and then we can get off.”

Then, she turned on her heel and strutted back out of the lounge without a backwards glance, leaving you confused, terrified, and… ridiculously turned-on in her wake. 

Holy shit. 

— —

end notes: idk i love maze being soft / confused by human interaction and confounded by Feeling Things™ but also being endlessly stabby because she’s maze and stabbing people is part of her charm

[daincrediblegg]

Hey if you need a place to vent about trauma (especially if it involves an f/o) then tumblr is absolutely the place to do it. There's so many people here who understand because we're similar types of people. ❤

Thank you nonnie, I really appreciate that.♥️♥️♥️

I mean… like… I only got like 5 hours of sleep total at best yesterday each in 2 hour increments- with a kind of similar experience the day before which is 😬😬😬 just generally not the best place for my head to be at and the stuff that I was feeling then was definitely getting blown way out of proportion by that. Like… I know better 99% of the time. But lol the factors of 1) not having left the house all day to do anything that I normally do and 2) ironically being unable to sleep despite being so tired to the point of headache and knowing the breakdown was going to happen but not getting to bed at an earlier hour anyway (in part because of med scheduling unfortunately)… and that being reminiscent of a lot of the panic attacks I had because of the pandemic??? Yeah. Perfect storm.

And the thing is I kinda managed to rationalize and pull myself out of it. But it’s… kinda still going to be an issue. One that I might seriously have to talk to my therapist about honestly because it’s… kinda something that I don’t see going away. It’s a whole thing but the tl;dr of it is: I’ve been having a hard time coping with the Hamish thirst lately because of my career choices. Like… idk my brain is already predisposed to fantasizing about romantic scenarios but I never want that to be attached to an actual actor because like who knows!!! I might work with them some day on something! And the problem with Hamish is like I want to like I’ve put him up on my official potential cast board for god’s sake and it’s hard musing over the dude like that while also having an f/o at the same time because well things are bound to mesh and take me to a weird place that I wouldn’t want to be in should any of this (long shot though it is, honestly) should come to pass- like as a professional I don’t want to have any expectations going in to working with the fella and it’s an attitude I’ve been trying to cultivate since I decided I was going to do this stuff like professionally… but my god watching the entire haim filmography is making that difficult to do and???? It’s kindof affecting how I see Father Paul/John Pruitt my beloved as a result. Because god I love having him as an f/o but I don’t want to get to the point where I confuse my love for the character for my love for the actor who portrays him and???? I think I’m getting close. Idk I think maybe I should just focus on midnight mass stuff for a while for that reason. Get to the root of the thing and find love in that again.

And of course I know all of this is such bs and my mind just running away from me because lmao realistically I don’t think I would if I ever got to the point that he was standing right the fuck in front of me. But like. Yeah. Sometimes my great brain is a tired and fickle little bitch who wants to make me believe in these odd fucking things that just aren’t true.

[mleemwyvern]

Totempulse Idea Dump 2: Tango Abuses his Admin Rights

(Disclaimer: i have not watched tango and i do not know how in character this is. feel free to correct me if im wrong)

- timeline: post wall-flight, pre hcbbs.

- team zit hanging out at impulses base, doing some redstone. probably impulses latest farm.

- the subject of totemification is brought up. Tango then remembers hes an admin. He decides to look through impulses code to see how it works.

- code function tangent! Basically, totemification is controlled by one variable, which increments by a random amount each time a totem is used. This random amount gets added to by some number dependent on the total amount of totems used so far.

- this variable (totemEffect) is used to determine several others, including fireResist, damageResist, ageSlow, and totemSideEffect.

- there is a point where damageResist is 100%. At this point, nothing can activate more totems, since you resist all damage. However, this isnt the maximum value of totemEffect. This is because of the random increase.

- a safety net exists, which contains data for effects past the 100% mark. This exists to prevent overflow errors, as otherwise a totem could skip over the 100% mark entirely and glitch the player.

- this safety net, for some reason, contains higher ageSlow and totemSideEffect variables than what is normally obtainable.

- 100% point side effects: completely gold-looking skin/hair, solid emerald green eyes, golden wings capable of flight, a cloud of totem particles similar to an endermans particle cloud. you also become a few inches shorter. 100% immunity to all non-void damage, obviously. very slow aging.

- max value side effects: same as above, but more particles and you are tiny. same size as a totem. you also do not age at all.

- ok now back to the plot! Tango finds out all these things about the totemification code. While thinking about it, he accidentally types in the 100% mark, which overwrites the current totemification variable.

- tango then realizes "fuck, i typed that, didnt i. what did i do" *looks at impulse* *falls over laughing*

- impulse is very confused until he looks down and realizes hes gold. now hes like "oh no TANGO WHAT DID YOU DO"

- what is zedaph doing? idk but hes noticing this as well. probably taking it better than impulse is.

- tango finally calms down and starts to explain.

- "so the good news is, you're invincible now!" "and the bad news is, im made of gold?" "uhh, and the weird news is, you have wings!" "i have WHAT?" (tango/impulse/zedaph/impulse again)

- impulse trying to fly! hes not very good and tango bullies him about it (in a friendly way).

- zedaph tries to get impulse to do experiments again now that hes even more totemificated

- then he realizes this isnt an impulse only thing and that he could probably totemificate himself

- for science of course! he probably asks tango to alter his code too. tango begrudgingly agrees, knowing that if he doesnt then zedaph can and will totemificate himself in deadlier ways.

- a nice afternoon of code fuckery and totemification testing. thankfully xisuma isnt currently on the server because this probably isnt allowed.

- eventually, someone decides to see what the extra side effects are. tango goes back in impulses code and maxes out totemification. they get a tinypulse.

- he is probably a bit upset about this. how do you do redstone when you are tiny.

- however, this is the time xisuma happens to log back on. if they keep messing with the code they will be found out and they do not want to be found out.

- tango, a heavily totemificated zedaph (up to the point where he gets wings, he was experimenting with the totemification flight), and a very small impulse have to hide their crimes from a slightly suspicious xisuma.

- impulse also has to deal with being so fucking small. its hard to work on his farms at this size! at least he can fly.

[stray-tori]

TPN S02E08 - Initial Thoughts (anime-only)

Reaction Vid: Google Drive

I’m here, finally! Let me just say, I’m glad to see some more positivity around ahh- Not that anyone isn’t allowed to feel negatively about it, I do have my problems too of course! But it’s just nice when things are epic and liked by people :)

.

I don’t think I can really separate it into topics this time so I’ll just kind of... go through it by chronological order this time! With “.” paragraphs separating thoughts :)

.

Norman figuring out that there’s at least one other person taking tests because he’s left-handed and the code scan thing is placed on the right when he put it down left is such a nice, unspoken execution!

.

also. Zaziee :(

.

also, what do we think is happening in this room? are those just... dead subjects that they feed to demons or...? experimenting with how certain manipulated humans will affect demons eating them? 

(also they just flipped Norman’s walk here, so his curl is on the wrong side. not blaming them or anything, I just noticed. I hope the staff is doing okay :<)

.

also, idk if my brain is melting but when Norman was like "I just need a detonator" and then he focuses on that king chess piece before the explosion, is the implication that the king piece was the detonator? :D

I do like the few subtle hints we do get just from the scenes (like the left hand/right hand thing and the cube communication) but I feel like I'm missing some connecting pieces here, even with knowing Smee was there and supporting him. It’s weird because I feel like the left-hand thing was really nicely done and digestible and the fork thing is presumably checking out how many cameras there are (even if still a little obvious) - but the explosion? Maybe I’m just stupid haha- it had to be Smee helping, right? I just would have liked more hints (but maybe I’m too small brain rn).

.

I'm a little confused because Peter said "the era of James as the gatekeeper has ended" (paraphrased), so he’s the gatekeeper right? And Norman was so concerned about the gatekeeper last episode, to the point that I felt like it was a point largely against the "using the gate in GF" plan (aside from uncertainty about the gates and the human world, of course) - but it's literally just a human then? I thought it was gonna be some epic demon or magic concept or something, but it's just that dude pff- whats the dude gonna do against the murder squad? :D Ig he has the farm/demon forces behind him but those would exist either way (and Norman must have considered that), so why is he in particular such a big deal/threat? Is he that ultra big brain? Not big brain enough to have prevented Norman’s escape anyway.

Or maybe he’s just 6 moves ahead and waiting for Norman to lead him back to the hideout that was referenced a few episodes ago where Norman brings all the stolen kids -- but I feel like that’s such a... roundabout way of capturing the GF kids. Plus, that should be Isabella’s doing, if anything. So yeah. Confused about that a bit.

.

I love the parallel how in ep1 Ray running from the pursuers and Emma collapsing was the whole thing about like, not taking it all upon yourself -- and now Emma (who mirrored Ray’s exact run through the forest) got help with Ray jumping in and also later Sonju, conveniently timed as usual haha.

(negativity) It’s a nice parallel, though i would have preferred if Ray had run again and Emma had gotten the shot - it’d still carry around the same message (”then vs now”) but please I beg you give Emma one (1) cool bow shot  - or I’ll steal your animation and do it myself >:”(

(ik she got the hunting shot which was slow and cool but idk)

.

The animation was so pretty. I loved Norman on the cliff and the wind animation, and the MUSIC when the town raid happened and how everything was framed and the goddamn MUSIC???? DID I MENTION THE MUSIC.

Also Norman’s expression and that shot where he realizes Vyrk has the blood condition and sweeps in for a stab.

It was pretty brutal and I appreciate that they showed it. It’s just... really pretty overall and- yes. thank you. love goes out to the staff. god knows they need some. and money. please give them more money.

.

I also like how with how the episode set up the whole, "are you god?" - "I'll be a god or devil" thing, and then when Vyrk asks "are you a human?", my friend joked he'd answer "no, i'm god" and then we joked a bit about his silence. But in hindsight, I really appreciate those jokes, because it made me realize: for a different kind of character, that WOULD have been the perfect setup to have a badass response but that silence was probably on purpose and I can’t really explain it but I just like how that makes the through-line in the episode even stronger and also kind of connects with his wavering?? I can’t explain but I LIKE IT.

.

(slightly negative) It's a little bit funny that the parallel didn't occur to him until it was thrown in his face, but I think that's what dissociation and just being observed in one's plan does.

Plus I do get what they're going for, and it was pretty dang emotional. A little on the nose maybe but- yee.

It works well as an eye opener to tear down the mental wall between the two groups. He's also never really been in contact with demons equally before afaik so, I shall accept it. Not that currently killing them all makes him equal in power dynamic right now, but I mean like, in a way where he truly, in real life, got to see that they’re similar -- he made comparisons to humans last episode, so clearly he wasn’t completely unaware. He’s smart, he knew what he was doing would make him seem like a devil to the demons. He probably just numbed himself to it until something that could break those walls down happened, ie the Emma thing.

I feel like it could have worked too if her name wasn’t Emma, but he probably wouldn’t have paused for as long and the voiced lines couldn’t have been given the time needed to make them hit as strongly - but I do think just a line that sounds really similar to what they talked about in GF could have been enough too - but again, that would have potentially taken too long down the exchange between the two.

It also doesn’t seem completely random since the old guy also reacted to Emma’s name before and everything so. Overall, I’m willing to suspend my disbelief - even if it IS funny that the family naming went from Vyrk to... Emma :D (though demons do get old so I suppose that makes sense haha)

.

I also wonder how this will impact Norman going forward. Even if he decides for the GF plan now (likely, we don’t have much time), he still did that and even if they return all the degenerated demons with Mujika’s, Sonju’s and Vyrk’s help... I doubt those who were already eaten and killed, can be saved. So that blood is on his hands forever now, likely hurting even more now that he feels personally impacted by it and not just... knows he’s doing something bad.

The anime definitely doesn’t have the time to delve into that sadly but that’s,,, very good angst.

.

week 3 of asking where is Isabella- (I mean I am GLAD that she didn’t show up at the temple- yET - because that’d just make them leaving them there worse but fudshjsd- Is she actually just waiting for them to come for the gate what’s happening ahahaha-)

I also don’t know if I mentioned this in my last episode thoughts or not, but I do still believe the gate stuff could have been revealed more incrementally? Like have James include that tidbit of info, please. If we know gates exist, then at least now it isn’t such an extreme change of information to know: “there are gates. yes where you were sent WAS a gate, but they’ve been destroyed. oh and another gate is in GF!” like HOLD UP-

.

I wonder if we’ll ever see the hideout that Cislo or Vincent referenced... I’m sure that’d be lots of random children designs so probably not but,, I am really curious how and if they’ll take all those kids. Norman did say he wants freedom for all cattle children. but with no large scale plan anymore, I’m not sure if that’s gonna work. If any human stays behind, as I’ve often talked about before, the cycle just starts anew and I’m really curious if TPN will go for a morally grey ending like that.

Unless the whole “evil-blood” religion works out this time when the high class is gone. but even Sonju is already in part a counter-example so... we’ll see I suppose.

.

I really loved this episode though! If the anime continues this trend to the finish line, it’ll stay a wonky 7 for me :) (quality wise, you guys know my tpn brainrot won’t make me truly hate it pff- tpn love too big-)

[blkpnkwriting]

empty

Jisoo x Reader

angst...y?

Word count: 3,216

     You were convinced no one would be good enough for Jisoo. Not even yourself.

requested by anonymous: “hey idk if requests are open yet but if they are could I ask for a jisoo angst?? Thanks!”

     It was the little things that made you fall in love with Jisoo.

    Film nights that run until the lightening indigo sky of the morning meant weird Jisoo. She made you laugh, attempted “new outfits” with new personalities to match, and thought it would be the perfect time to practice her hand at cooking Pinterest recipes.

    Cooking would lead into bizarre meals or failed creations. At that point, you’d order takeout from an 24hr diner, and make sure to order extra servings. The delicious smell somehow always managed to wake up the rest of Jisoo’s roommates, and it would end up being a very early breakfast of sorts.

    Speaking of food, Jisoo loved it. The best part was that she never got tired of it. Whenever you were in a mood, needed to get out of your apartment, or were bored, the best date you could take Jisoo on was always to a restaurant. It didn’t matter how many times you took her out, if it was the same restaurant over and over or if it was a brand new location --- she was always excited. The way she would cram her mouth full and somehow still manage to smile captivated your attention far more than anything that was placed in front of you. Of course, you had to put on a show of pretending like you weren’t just staring at the cute girl across the table.

    But your favorite had to be the instances Jisoo would trust you. If she needed alone time, but couldn’t find any in her dorm with three other roommates, she would use your place. If she needed to vent about the latest episode of some drama, about how she couldn’t quite get her choreography right, or something personal about her family, she would call you up. She knew there was a listening ear waiting for her whenever she needed it. And whenever there was a break up, no matter how much you had been secretly wishing for it to end because you couldn’t stomach the thought of someone unworthy paired with her, it still broke you heart having to hold her little frame in your lap as she cried. It seldom happened, but when they did, it was you she turned to.

    You were in love with Jisoo, which only made it all the more difficult watching her present boyfriend cheat.

    Lisa was feeling under the weather, and with the other girls at practice, making their star dancer incredibly jealous, you took it upon yourself to care for her. Back home, she was wrapped up in plush blankets and watching rom-coms. All she needed now was some hot, curative chicken noodle soup.

    You were going to have to buy another bowl. Your fingers clenched harder and harder around the Styrofoam until it broke suddenly within the plastic bag, breaking your stare into the restaurant. With a groan, you stepped away to toss the ruined meal into a trash bin, but used this opportunity to be a little more subtle, sidling beside the window.

    Inside, you could see Jisoo’s boyfriend on a date. But not with Jisoo. You fleetingly wondered if you were being irrational, if the woman joining him was a close friend, a sister or relative. Nothing had happened yet as the two of them conversed casually, picking at their appetizers. It was a rather cozy establishment, dimmed and romantically set. Still, it could have been a nice venue with good food. You could appreciate that.

    You couldn’t appreciate the way the girl’s hand snaked across the table to tangle up in his fingers. There was still a slight chance, and for his sake, you hoped it was real.

    A raindrop fell on your head, reminding you that you had someplace to be. A sick baby waiting on you. Still, you held onto the wall purchase, hoping there would be some sign that Jisoo’s heart wouldn’t be torn apart again. And this guy’s arms wouldn’t be ripped off. (You weren’t that strong, but still.)

    The sound of an umbrella opening foreshadowed the incrementing rainfall. You were about to pull away with a sigh, feeling foolish ---

    The two leaned forward. Your heart dropped. Lips touched in a tender kiss. Anger flushed your cheeks. Ripping away from the restaurant, your only stop was to dip into a convenience store to pick up a couple packages of instant ramen you could make yourself at the apartment. You tried not to crush the dried noodles, and instead, dug your nails into your palms.

    He was lucky you cared just that little more about Lisa’s well being than about incarceration for assault and battery.

    “What is up with you?”

    You stopped your chopsticks from tumbling the sushi roll around your plate. Jisoo’s was already gone, and you glanced at the sugar sparkling on the corner of her mouth as she ate her dessert dumplings. It made you smile briefly.

    “If you aren’t going to finish that, can I have it?” Jisoo asked, a teasing smile on her lips as she poked at you with her own sticks. You batted them away, and with a roll of your eyes, handed over the couple pieces you had left.

    You didn’t think it would be that hard to tell Jisoo what saw, but the moment she pranced into your apartment, your mouth went bone dry. It had been hours, but still no courage mustered to confess. You tried to act normal, to act like you were hungry enough to eat the sushi she brought, to act like you were interested in the movie playing, but it was with weak effort. Jisoo would look at you every once in awhile with questioning eyes. And you always avoided them. If she caught wind of anything wrong with you, she would never let it go.

    You were beginning to crack under the pressure.

    “Seriously though, is everything okay?” She asked again before popping one of the rolls into her mouth.

    You sighed, and expected it to come out. “Yeah, just been a long day.” Still couldn’t do it apparently.

    Jisoo nodded, thinking. Then she perked up. “Wanna grab a drink? A little something to take the edge off,” and she snorted at the meme she referenced. You couldn’t help but laugh in return, but shrugged a shoulder. “We can just drink at home, we don’t have to go out.” Hearing Jisoo reference to your apartment as her home made your heart flutter. You ignored it in favor of smiling and nodding, deciding that would be for the best. Who knew, maybe all you needed was a bit of liquid courage, and to cushion the blow for her.

    Who were you kidding... it wasn’t that simple.

    Drinking really meant taking shots of vodka, you came to realize. Jisoo was a champ, slinging them back with ease. A clink and then she tossed her head back like it was nothing but water in her little glass. You weren’t the best at it, coughing once when a bit went down the wrong way and burned for minutes afterwards. She thought it was hilarious, and as long as she kept laughing about it, you felt a little better. A little less weight on your shoulders. It made you forget what you had seen.

    It, however, didn’t change the fact that what you were seeing now was incredibly cheesy and horribly portrayed. A peal of laughter rang from Jisoo at the poorly delivered line in the raunchy chick flick you two had put on after the vodka shots were finally finished. She tried her best to mimic the line, but derailed with another laugh. You half laughed yourself, but you couldn’t look away from her smile, those pink lips. It lit up the darkened room, and you noted how pretty her purple hair looked with the blue tint to it from the glow of the television.

    You were so distracted that you missed the way she shuffled closer to you, missed the joke she made, and almost missed the way she wrapped a hand around the back of your neck. Then you blinked.

    “C’mon, it was so bad, don’t tell me you think that’s how it’s supposed to be done?” Jisoo giggled, nodding her head at the film. Oh, the movie. You completely neglected what was actually happening, and had no idea what was going on. Why she was so close. Making everything foggy. Or was that the vodka? You couldn’t discern the difference, but her warm palm on the nape of your neck was electrifying and you didn’t want her to let go.

    “How you should actually kiss a girl is more like ---”

    The motion was a knife cutting the haze, and you instinctively leaned back.

    For a split second, a confused expression flitted across Jisoo’s features, before she was laughing again. “Oh, stop it. That move was so lame, you can’t just kiss someone like that. Don’t tell me you agree?” Another giggle and God, did that sound make you swoon. You were still aware, however, just how near she was to you, tilted towards your mouth, eyes flickering every few seconds. When you didn’t try to kiss her, she took the initiative once more, giggling, a lip tucked between perfect teeth. “It’s not like I’m venomous or something...”

    “But you do have a boyfriend,” you blurted out. Like an idiot.

    That rattled her as Jisoo halted in her advances. Dare you say it seemed like she had forgotten that little fact, and you truly wished it wasn’t true. You wanted nothing more than to kiss her, to do much more than kiss her. But it wasn’t right.

    It wasn’t right what he was doing to her.

    Jisoo removed herself, from you, from the couch, standing abruptly. It was your turn to be confused, watching her silently, the girl pacing in front of you a moment. The movie made a noise, some stupid actor speaking weak dialogue, and she snatched up the remote, pausing it then throwing it onto the couch where it bounced and disappeared onto the floor. She whipped around to you. Her eyes were hard, but glossy. Was she about to cry?

    “I think he’s cheating on me.”

    Something struck you in the chest. Somehow, Jisoo knew. Yet, she was still with him. It still wasn’t right that you two kiss while she was in a relationship with someone else. Even if he was unfaithful, a scumbag, unworthy.

    Your mouth tasted sour, empty.

    “It still isn’t right,” you formed the words carefully. Jisoo clenched her jaw, arms crossing across her chest, breaking eye contact. You continued. “Even if he is cheating on you, and even if I want to kiss you ---” your nerves jumped, catching your slip. “It’s still cheating on him. And I don’t want you to stoop to his level. You’re better than him. And that’s why I think you should end it with him.”

    For the damage it caused, you should’ve just slapped Jisoo across the face. She looked stricken, as though the very idea of splitting from her boyfriend was the worst possible outcome out of all this. Then she was grabbing her purse from the coffee table, walking away from you.

    “Wait, where are you going?” When you stood, your legs wobbled. Damn that alcohol. “Jisoo, you’re drunk, you can’t leave.” 

    You can’t leave because it hurts too much.

    Jisoo stamped her feet into her boots, a hand resting heavily on the doorframe to your apartment. You walked over, attempting to touch the inside of her wrist, to bring her back. The only response was her half-heartedly yanking her arm away, refusing to look you in the eyes. Tears brimmed yours, making you irrationally angry, and you pushed it all down. You had a loose control on your emotions when you were like this, and all this was happening at the worst possible time.

    “Let me call you a cab.”

    “I’m okay, Y/N,” she said haughtily. She sounded about ready to cry, and you had the urge to pull her into your arms like you always did when she was upset. Only, you knew how she would retaliate, and fought it off. “I can get a cab myself. Get some sleep. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

    You were rooted to the spot as she opened the door and slipped out, leaving you in the dark.

    You didn’t see her the next day. You didn’t see her for a week.

    You left multiple texts from her roommates unanswered, even from Lisa. They knew something was wrong, and begged to hear from you, but you just couldn’t bear it. You hardly had the will to get up, to shower, to eat, to go to work. Jisoo was an integral part of your life.

    And you worried you ruined it.

    You drank a little more than usual, to feel closer to her the way you did that night.

    A shot of vodka to the system felt like the warmth of her fingers on your skin.

    The dark felt like the comfort that flooded your body when in her presence.

    The dumb movie still in your TV history reminded you how close you had come to everything you had ever thought about. When you looked away, that dull flavor on the back your tongue returned.

    Now she knew how you felt about her and her boyfriend. Her cheating, lying, fucking boyfriend. 

    And Jisoo chose him.

    Lisa 💜     Missed call (2)

    Lisa 💜     Incoming call...

    A gentle sigh through your nose and you were picking up your phone finally.

    “What’s up, Lisa?” you answered demurely.

    “Do you know where Jisoo went?” Her panicked voice sparked in your ear, no time for pleasantries. It immediately plunged a spike into your heart, bolting upright on your couch. “She ran out of the apartment, wouldn’t wait for any of us, and I think she was crying. We can’t get a hold of her or anything. I’m really fucking worried, Y/N!”

    “Okay, okay! I-I’ll find her!” You had no clue how or where to even start looking, but you were going to do something. Anything. The thought of Jisoo out somewhere, distraught, alone, made you want to crawl out of your skin. Hearing Lisa on the verge of losing it didn’t make you feel very confident, but you held the phone between your ear and shoulder as you attempted to calm her, tugging on shoes.

    “I’m leaving now, I’ll call you back when I can,” you promised, ending the call and shoving your phone into your pocket.

    You opened the door, keys in hand, preparing to sprint right out of the threshold, when you promptly stopped.

    Jisoo.

    Tear streaked, wind blown, disheveled Jisoo. More beautiful than ever. And scared, brows furrowed slightly as she looked at you like she wasn’t sure why she was here. You opened your mouth to speak ---

    Lips crashed jaggedly like the sea onto the shore. Hands seized the shirt on your back, pulling you flush to her body, so warm and healing. Teeth clicked against each other, your mind snapping shut like a wire severed. After what felt like so long without her, having her here now was more than enough for you.

    She tasted like everything unlike the emptiness after a vodka shot. Sweet and soft. That familiar scent intoxicated your senses, never before having been so near her. And the way her figure pressed to yours was lock and key, fitting and wholesome. You wanted nothing more than to savor this.

    Because you were going to break it.

    With a gasp, you extracted yourself from her, feeling the threads of your body on hers ripping away. You didn’t open your eyes, didn’t want to see her face as you rejected her. You didn’t think you could breathe again.

    “I left him.”

    Your body buzzed, eyes flashing open.

    “I knew he was cheating on me,” she whispered, leaning her forward against yours hesitantly. You didn’t pull away again, and she melted the rest of the way against you. “I finally confronted him and didn’t wait for an answer. I don’t want anything from him. I only want you.

    Up until the other night, I didn’t think you had feelings for me.”

    You sighed, releasing so much in that single breath that you couldn’t voice.

    “I don’t think I could’ve handled rejection from you,” she murmured, fingertips playing in the hair at the nape of your neck. Palm in the same place as that dark, drunken night.

    “I don’t think I could ever reject you,” you breathed. Your hands grazed over her until they were cupping her face, breathing her in and filling your lungs inflate fully for the first time in days.

    Surprisingly, Jisoo let out a laugh from her nose, placing space between you to properly observe your face. “I mean, technically... you did.”

    You groaned playfully and chuckled, and she couldn’t help but mirror the action, a strange interaction in the course of everything that had already occurred. You didn’t mind. You wanted things to be okay, for the past week to become a distant memory, and her ex along with it. You didn’t want her to cry anymore, rubbing a thumb underneath her eye to wipe away runny makeup. A blush lit her cheeks, smiling sheepishly at the action. God, she was beautiful, and you brushed a wild indigo lock behind the shell of her ear.

    “You might want to give Lisa and the rest a call --- you really freaked them out,” you sighed, remembering the call. For all you knew, they were all probably wandering the streets at the moment, searching for her still.

    “Yeah, I guess I did,” Jisoo hummed, letting you go to retrieve her phone.

    “You’re so dramatic, you know that?”

    Jennie prodded a toe into Jisoo’s shoulder from her perch on the couch above. You laughed to yourself, chewing on cheese pizza.

    “Don’t be mean,” Rosé scolded across the coffee table, sipping soda through a straw. “She bought us food to make up for it.”

    “She could buy me new shoes,” Jennie scoffed through a smirk. With a glance at her ruined sneakers by the door, “You had me wigging out so bad, I stepped in dog poop.”

    “Actually, that might be my fault.” Lisa snatched the nearest pillow to shield herself at the confession, nibbling on her crust meanwhile. “I saw it and kinda steered you towards it.”

    “What?!”

    “I thought it would be funny!” The youngest snickered, looking at the rest of you for confirmation.

    “That does sound hilarious,” Jisoo murmured to you, leaning against your shoulder on the floor. The smile that came over your face couldn’t be stopped, gazing down at the girl. It wasn’t missed by Rosé who cooed in response, making you blush, Jisoo rolling into your neck to hide herself.

    “I was really upset...” Lisa explained meekly, continuing to cower behind her wall. When Jennie suddenly stood, she peeked over the edge, then immediately sprang up from the chair with a scream. “Wait, Jennie, please!”

    Rosé, ever the enthusiast, cheered as the other two began a race around the apartment, Jennie with dirtied shoe in hand.

    Jisoo slipped her fingers through yours.

    It was just as it should be.