#or not paying taxes or some other stuff
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how does di fortress interact with the local economy and what the fuck do their logistics even look like, and other incredibly normal questions to be asking here at 3pm on a work day
#mysterious lotus casebook#di fortress is such a cool (terrible) thing but also.#WHAT is GOING ON with it.#how does it function?!#what is the batshit logistics happening to keep it#1)supplied with orphans to slaughter/train#2) organised to take contracts? sold off as human hunting dogs? other??#i assume some of this is bc I am based off subs and theres cultural or genre stuff I'm missing#but also. blease. the logistics. the taxes.#how does di fortress pay taxes. are they even part of Xi.#if not: why is di feisheng in xi instead of...not xi.
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#{ shitposting }#{ Its for the immersion Void }#{ look...I know but like...there isn't an actual ingame economy outside of imaginary gil and marketboards }#{ does the gil taxed from some stuff help pay for servers or something? Is FFXIV Gil just the original n/f/t? }#{ I'd like to just pay what it says on bin? }#{ So you agree the gil has value and must be taxed }#{ Well gil has value like levels have value I need it to repair my gear and the levels get me to other expansions but like outside of that#{ I just don't know what we're being taxed for stuff...is it helping pay their rent in some weird way? }
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i am a metronome of 'this problem is easily solvable if you talk to a certain person in your life and it'll only get worse if you leave it be, calm down and bite the bullet' and 'you've already left it a long time and asking for help even from loved ones is really really hard so actually cry in a ball'
we must destroy the grey head jelly for being the most inconsistent and rude bastard in the world
#its not even that serious its just paying for school stuff but. ough.#i have big issues about feeling 'worth it' to my family so any time i have to approach my mom and ask her to fork up money that my loans#dont cover i feel like Dog Shit. like she always finds it#and she doesnt mind it. and has stressed in the past that its fine and she isnt mad and she just wants me to tell her#but im Bad At Things so i always end up waiting and feeling like Shit#oughhhh#plus i dont wanna do it over the phone but also cant get home to do it in person without her help either#and i always feel like im ruining her day and oughhh#it is not good. 0 stars. ill probably talk to her about it tomorrow because yeah but#good GOD#so yeah im gonna work on getting employment not even for a sense of freedom but just so i dont feel gross all the time#like even if i make 1k a month living at home over the summer. thats pretty much enough to cover what my loans and scholarships dont#literally thats not even enough for taxes to be involved or whatever#anyway. the human spirit is indominable#i had a little cry over it all and im feeling better#im gonna draw some hot man legs. and get ready for dnd tomorrow#and its gonna be fine. i know it will#the plot twist is i went into psychology to help OTHERS but in reality im learning how to help ME
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wanna roadtrip in america? don’t forget to budget for TOLLS!!
ever heard of the troll under a bridge? well in the modern day they’re ghosts and they WILL HAUNT YOU
no cause fr tolls will triple or add $100 or other bullshit if you don’t pay them immediately so don’t wait for the pay by mail letter. once you go through a state, look up your license plate and get on that shit. don’t forget about things like e-zpass but also remember that not all states use that, because obviously the states have to be unique. just. budget for tolls. budget for EXPENSIVE fucking tolls and pay them as quickly as possible
#like the late fees were my fault adhd tax and all that#but like. i had $150 in tolls just from ny cause my fucking ezpass wasn’t working#and without late fees i had i like $100 of tolls from other places#and that was only the places that did mail stuff—some places do still make you pay as you go#obviously I did a super long roadtrip so tolls are to be expected but in my head tolls are like one dollar#we went through TWO in Pennsylvania and it was $50 what the fuck is up with that#life of a boomerang
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had a little panic fueled burst of productivity that accomplished nothing because i traced the needed prerequisite activities back a bunch of steps to the town office, which closes at 3:30. my brief periods of effectiveness can’t be scheduled like that!! this task was put on my list in late 2019!! i can’t wait another 4 years!!!
#i don’t even know if i want to try and repair this van i haven’t driven since 2019#i need to get it reregistered before someone can look at it#which requires me to pay $30 in overdue excise tax to the town#the inside of that van is moldy by now even if it drives you know??#can you sell something for parts without active registration?#but it would be handy to have a working van for a little while to help me get rid of some other stuff….#yeah i’ve been debating this since 2019 with no forward motion#because i’m a functional adult!!!! 👍
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with every new collector monster high release i become more and more convinced that theyre just deciding the prices at random because what the fuck makes fang vote rochelle worth 90 dollars when they just sold that chucky and tiffany two pack for 90 dollars and none of these dolls look like they should cost 90 dollars anyway
#also what makes every other doll worth like 70+ dollars when they just sold that ghoulia doll for 50#you had to pay for that membership to get her i think so its actually 60. but Still.#tbh. while i personally wouldnt spend 90 dollars on a two pack of dolls#if the dolls are actually really nice i can see why it would be worth it to some people#but the chucky and tiffany two pack doesnt look like it should cost 90 dollars???? at all???#maybe it has a really cool detailed box or comes with a bunch of accessories or something but the dolls themselves#dont look like they should cost that much. feels like theyre just overcharging because a popular movies name is attached to it#and this is not hate to the dolls themselves i dont really know anything about the characters theyre based on but i think they look fine#i just dont think they should cost 90 dollars (actually its probably closer to 100 when you consider shipping and tax. but whatever)#again it feels like theyre pricing things at random#and making things as expensive as possible because they know a lot of g1 only collectors are desperate and will buy anything#so they can get away with it#this all comes from somebody who never buys the collector monster high stuff because most of it doesnt interest me#i only ever buy playline stuff because im satisfied with that + they feel more worth it for the prices theyre asking for#but still. i am allowed to have opinions
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Oh no guys I read about adhd symptoms to see if I had it and now I've made myself sad :c dang these things be affecting my life :c
#rant#i was like: well i probably have ahdh but i have a fuckton of coping mechanisms so doctors probably wont help me#then i reflected on my coping mechanisms :c#guys i spend 8 hours prepping for a doctors appt. im not kidding. i hqve to schedule reminders on my outlook calendar#that i must look at constantly for work (so i dont forget). then sit for a couple hours to focus and dontemplate on the goal#of the appt. then write everything i need to tell them. then think some more. then write things i forgot in another few days#then in anothef few days. then after several hours and a few weeks i have a LIST OF STUFF TO TELL DOCTOR and then i always put calendar#appts EARLY on them by 1 hour so i freak out when i hear alarm and get ready then have time to get there extra.#and i do this for. taxes. oil changes. license renewal. any appointment of any kind. any work situation that isnt super routine and quick#all this shit takes me hours to WEEKS of prep. taxes take me 2 weeks of ONLY TAX WORK so like 20-30 hours whenever im nog working to slowly#prep then calm down then concentrate then prep. but i also do this for shopping for so much basic shit#i have calendar reminders to pay bills. i have a whiteboard on fridge to remind me of chores#i CANNOT remember any convo or task without gratuitious written reminders and notes so i write EVERYRHING down. college was hell#i threw out my planners from college so many bad memories and stress. byt like. goddamn some peiple...#onlt take 1-3 hours to prep for a#doctor???? or even less?!!!! some people GENUINELY only need 8 hours/a#sunday to do taxes???!!!! some people can plan appointmenrs without 1 hour buffer early time on their alarms? hell without NEEDING alarms#to remember the appt exists??!!!! i cant even follow a conversation thats 5 minutes without asking what they said. my mind blanks and i#space out. like... :c quite sad how much time is wasted by all this prep to cope as well as others. its all that CBT therapy strategies i#learned combined with just. so many fuxking notes.#i also do SO much to have normal convos. i practiced hard to focus ish and respond better and write things and have#the correct expressions and even now i know my talking speed upsets some ppl. which stresses me out :/
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Losing my mind a little this week it's fine
#literally just need to spill my thoughts here because im struggling#work stuff is so fucking frustrating these days and i have no motivation#because our clients are irritating as HELL 75% of the time and dont know what tf theyre talking about#and it takes so much restraint to not just tell them to stop talking and listen to me and do what we say#and i HATE having urgency in my work the way i do now#it is not how i operate at all and i fucking hate it#like i do not want to have to rush to do things and shove other things aside to prioritize something every single day#but thats whats happening#and our company is so BAD at internal communication#we are a MARKETING. AGENCY. THATS SUPPOSED TO BE. A STRENGTH#im also just. hitting a depressive episode rn which is not helping#i got a notice from a fucking tax collector because i didnt file my taxes for the four months i lived in this county in 2020#because i didnt realize THAT WAS SEPARATE bc no one TOLD ME#and now i have to pay 25 bucks to do that within a month like. guys i did not make enough for this to be a big deal fuck you#and i have to worry about an upcoming conversation with a friend and their roommates bc the roommates suck so bad and we need them to leave#but theyre difficult and defensive and hostile and toxic hence why im going to be there at all to back up my friend#but i just. it causes me so much anxiety#AND i have to see two of my cousins this week who are closer to each other than they are to me and like. its nice yall reached out but#we arent friends were just around the same age and we have different values and goals and i am so. so tired#ANYWAY. GOTTA DO SOME WORK.#i wasted a lot of time today just. spiralling a little#so i didnt get much done#and tomorrow i have SEVEN FUCKING MEETINGS so am i gonna get anything done then? probably not!#and friday im gonna have to be on a call with a client who has really gotten on my nerves lately (lol thats like a quarter of them rn) and#i just dont want to. i would like to sleep#anyway sorry for this mess of tags for anyone who reads this jfc i just really needed to dump some thoughts#and didnt want to dump them on anyone in particular bc its a lot so ya know. voluntary dump recipients or aomethint idk#something*
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im starting to regret buying shit for my mom to "pay me back" on
#back in may i paid for my brothers suit for grad and like $200 worth of other shit that my mom couldnt pay for at the time#plus $300 cash i lent her#so like $900 just that one month#and it was right after i finally caught up and no longer had basically nothing in my account after my cc bill came around#and shes still yet to pay me back for over $600 of that#so my cc bill just keeps getting bigger and bigger and i cant pay it because she keeps getting me to buy more and more shit#and this month im $400 short of paying my cc bill even after getting $300 in tax returns and another $50 or so in goft money#im pretty sure im not getting a birthday this year too#which is great#i was hoping to be able to spend whatever money i get on some furniture because my room is still entirely packed in boxes#and we moved here a year and a half ago#my mom said i would get the money from selling my old stuff plus another $500 on top of that#PLUS THE $3K I GAVE HER BEFORE WE MOVED IN#PLUS PLUS THE $10K SHE ALREADY OWED ME FROM LIKE 2 YEARS AGO NOW#idk why i trusted her again#im just stupid like that ig#vent post#yoshi talk
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aiobuvu;nj I have stared at this for several nonconsecutive hours since I was @'ed Minji
I love this idea so much. Just lemme- yeah here we go:
~~~
In the midst of it all, a light of hope amidst the chaos, there is: Tucker.
Tucker Foley knows what he's about. Tech. He's about tech. His first priority after entering an entirely new version of earth with who knows how many differences to temporal placement, sapient populations, flora, and fauna?
He wants to know if his PDAs still work.
He checks Sandra first, of course.
Miraculously, she works fine.
Next up is the modded ones - he skips straight his one true love: Helena.
Helena had been with them from the beginning - the first PDA, the one true PDA, with every mod and upgrade tested over time. They'd cracked open many a GIW facility together in the past - among other things.
And. It seems Desiree was feeling generous? Helena connects to the internet just fine, and her scans all come back clean. He'd set his other loves up to scan while he was waiting, but of course Helena finished the fastest, unparalleled as she was in her might as in her beauty.
So next up was research time.
And Tucker is about tech, but the first article about heroes has him distracted.
So of course he has to know more.
The first search, ghosts, doesn't really net anything.
The second for a more general "powers" leads him to an article about "metas." He only skims a few sentences before moving on.
Finally, he searches "magic."
A hero named "Captain Marvel" pops up. Guy claims to be magic instead of a meta. It's not a LOT, but it's a possibility. Tucker's gonna have to hunt the guy down. Because if magic is a real, genuine thing in this new world?
Tucker wants magitech. Badly. The things Helena could do with a magical power boost...
Well, he doesn't really know, but he wants to.
But first, time to be a good friend and help Danny (and all of Amity, really) Triple G their way into this new world.
~~~
Kon is so, so grateful he can hold his breath for a long time.
It took thirty minutes for them to arrive to the newly-existing town in middle-of-nowhere-Illinois thanks to the logistics of "the entire internet and US government just got several thousand new people as if they were always there except they clearly weren't and it's causing Issues (TM).
(Mainly, the issue is paranoia - is this another invasion, is this a trst version for a mass-brainwashing, etc etc).
Kon spent the next twenty minutes watching Clark trying and failing to get a word in edgewise.
The maybe-hero's no one's ever seen before hovering above the definitely-town that wasn't there before very politely roast Clark's costume before, essentially, dismissing him out of hand.
Then they'd gone back to squabbling. There'd been a few stray lasers from the maybe-hero's aimed at each other accompanied by pouting or protest, but they were few and far between and all very carefully aimed away from the onlooking crowds below - almost the whole town from the look of things.
And then.
And then.
Some kid in a beret waves the three down - all of whom obediently descend.
Well, the probable-siblings descend obediently. Red grumbles a bit before following - utterly ignoring Clarks "If we cou-."
Clark stared after them, dismayed, as Kon diligently kept from vibrating in place behind him.
And then, of course, Kon hears what beret-guy is saying.
There's magic in this universe, he tells them.
And, well, at least that one thing confirmed.
The four - and a nearby goth girl - grin as one, saying as one: "Gaslight, Gatekeep, Girlboss?"
"Gaslight, Gatekeep, Girlboss," Beret grins back.
Kon is so glad he doesn't have to breath that often.
Clark begins to descend.
"I'll get Lance on it- if- " Goth hesitates.
Beret nods. "Yep, everything's greenlit. Thankfully. I'll update the city-only page with deets - make sure he checks it before he goes live."
She nods before away, taking out a phone as she goes.
~~~
The maybe-hero trio squabble a bit more, with the boy groaning and rolling his eyes when he sees Clark's approach before grabbing the other two and dragging both into the ground.
Beret and the onlookers seem unconcerned.
Clark doesn't let it phase him, calmly allowing the three to slip away in favor of talking to the unmoved Beret, who had yet to look up from his...
Phone?
Maybe???
"Young man-"
"Sean." Beret boy cuts him off with a polite nod.
"Ah, Sean then, I have few questions for you-"
"Who???"
"You-"
"Uh, my name is Tucker," Tucker shoots back, raising a brow. And yet. His eyes still do not leave his...device? At first he'd thougt... but the more Kon looks the less it seems like a phone.
No. It isn't a phone.
Maybe it never was.
"But- you said it was Sean?" Clark asks, voice politely confused, if a bit distressed.
"I thought you were Sean. Isn't that was the 'S' stands for?"
"...No, it-"
"Spencer, then," Tucker says, finally putting away The Device. "Listen. I'm sure you're wondering "who are all these people" and "how did you get here" and "there wasn't a town here like five minutes ago how could this have happened." I gonna level with you - so is the federal government, probably. And now that the Notice-Me-Not curse afflicting our home for generations has finally been lifted-" Clark opens his mouth, but Tucker barrels on "-we kind of need to deal with that. So if you have questions maybe just watch the news. Or least go away for a minimum of five business days."
"Son-"
"We're literally not related, our town was literally isolated from the outside world by a curse for ages."
"We know you're from a different universe."
"What, Amity? Why would you think that?" The boy feigns confusion.
Kon notices a variety of people in the crowd recording them on an eclectic mixture of flip phones, Just Cameras, and oddly old-looking touch-screen phones.
"I heard you talking to your friends-"
"From that far away?" Tucker's eyes flicker doubtfully to the sky.
"I have super-hearing-"
"Then you heard wrong. Now if you'll excuse me-"
"I heard you perfectly well-"
"Uh-uh, and just how does this "super-hearing" work, exactly," he asks, and he puts the power in air quotes. And Kon is holding his breath without too much effort but he can't quite subdue the tears bubbling up as a result of suppressing his laughter at this. "If you even-"
"It's global-" Kon spits out, his desperation to know what Tucker will say next allowing him to subdue the chuckles just long enough.
"What, just everything? All of the time?"
Kon nods. Clark works his mouth wordlessly, unsure how to proceed with the odd change of topic but upbringing forbidding him from being rude just because the other person is being difficult.
"Dude, do you have any idea how many people talk about alternate universe stuff all the time? It's, like, nerd 101. And you, what, picked out one conversation? Out of billions? And don't think you might've confused any of the numerous same or similar voices throughout the world with mine?"
Tucker shakes his head pityingly.
"You heard wrong, my guy. It happens to the best of us. And speaking of the best of us," he says, pulling out another buzzing not-a-phone-and-maybe-never-was, "It seems like Monica needs some quality time with the TF."
He caresses the side of the machine and turns to leave.
Clark stares after him as the crowd moves to disperse. Among them, a girl glances at him and tells her friends, "Dios mio, all the fashion in this place had better not look like that."
A tear rolls down Kon's cheek.
'Don't. Laugh.'
You know... >.>
My Dad always used to tell me, if I get a Genuine Genie(tm)? Get a lawyer first. Before I make my Wishes(tm), so they can help me word them correctly.
Obviously, a human lawyer would not be foolproof... BUT! What about a Ghost Lawyer?
Like? Obviously Desiree would be PISSED. How DARE you twist HER wish twisting! Her THING is "what you believe is your heart's desire always comes at a terrible cost" which is what she DIED to learn.
So obviously she would NEVER, willingly, bend her Obsession for ANYONE. And you'd have to make a DAMN good case to that Lawyer for why he ISNT breaking the law by helping you. Probably some "you can: save the life of an unconscious person against their will/shove an unobservant person OFF the train tracks, even if they get hurt, to save their life" clause.
Like? Using a ghosts Obsession against them? Bad. Illegal.
Using it against their will, to save OTHER ghosts, who are in immediate danger? Not illegal, but they will be PISSED. Still not great though, you will want to apologize and fast.
So like??? Reality Bending Power. Patrick Star Method of "what if we MOVED the city... somewhere else?" Considered at 1am. Team of Ghost Laywers, acquired.
Amity and all Limnals are REMOVED from the DP-verse.
Wish worded juuuuust so. Any ghost that forms there? Yoink! Instantly removed to the Zone. Natural Portals? Cut off. Let the whole Reality fade out at an accelerated rate, as no NEW energy is fed into the system. Entropy will do, what entropy does. Exactly as they wished it.
They hated Death so much, they speed up the heat death of their ENTIRE universe by Eons. Congratulations, you guys "Won". Enjoy the wildly more fragile flora, fauna, and general ecosystems. Now that none of you have that ambient Ectoplasm strengthening your bodies. Yeah, the things you used to shrug off? Those are gonna maim or kill you now.
Doesn't MATTER if you "learn your lesson" though! Cause this is WAY past that point! This is "cutting off the tumor before it kills us" territory, and buddy? Amity ISNT the tumor. Go forth a grow, just like you wanted.
They won't be here to fix your messes anymore.
Because Danny got himself a dictionary thick "I Wish..." contract. Which was worded, as it needs to be, in one loooooooong run on sentence. Shouted "I Wish what's written on THIS, as it is currently, and without any form of editing or negotiation!" As fast as he could. Yote the document in Desiree's direction. And Flew like an INCANDESCENTLY pissed off Genie was trying to set his everything of fire.
Which she was.
Thankfully, Paulina came in clutch with her History of all things Jewelry, world fashions, and Make-Up knowledge. That, coupled with the Power Of Rich Friends(tm)? (Sam. Her mother was THRILLED to take her Jewelry and clothing shopping for something other then blacks and dark purple. They went on a jet setting whurl-wind tour. Sam actually kinda liked a some of what she found.)
They have Apology Bribes.
They shamelessly HIDE behind the mountain of Apology Bribes, while they explain themselves. Is Desiree HAPPY? No. But those bracelets are magnificent and she DOES deserve nice things. Those silks will really bring out her eyes. And she... DOES... admit...
Maybe...
That things are not... SAFE. Any longer. Danny TRIES. Everyone else can see it. And he's made incredible strides! Even convinced his lunatic parents. Though they're still not quite POPULAR. (WAY too pushy and invasive with their questions, for most people.) But the fanatics in white?
They nearly killed Box Lunch. If her father hadn't BEEN there...
And the poor man will have that scar on his back for the rest of his afterlife. Desiree can see why Danny is pushing. Does she LIKE it? No. But...
She supposes she will content herself with the suffering of the Fanatics in White and all who support them. THEIR wishes, twisted. Their ugly heart's desires.
Fine.
"SO YOU WISH IT. SO IT SHALL BE!"
And? The ghost town of what WOULD of one day grown into Amity, had the witch's there not been found by those they had fled from, which sits in long rotted ruins, amongst the trees in nowhere Illinois? Poof! Two "Towns" are switched.
The roads out of town coming to a clean line stop, meeting not even goat paths. Just trees. Old growth.
But it's not ALL of Town, is it? Faces missing. New, confused, faces from every corner of the map, taking their place. No Limnal left behind. No supporter of the GIWs genocide, brought along. Family's kept together where they could be. But by the few, scared and upset, green flashing eyes of children in the crowd?
It seemed for some, it was easier to fear and hate, then love their children.
Already they were being gathered up by school teachers and PTA parents. As everyone tried to figure out what had happened. Concerned, quite muttering a dull roar as everyone tries to coordinate.
Red Huntress joins Danny and Dani in the Sky. She doesn't get a word in. Wanted to know what the HELL was going on. She was with her dad in Chicago! Dani was in Taiwan! Literally! As in, sitting in a SUBWAY station one second, the next? Outside!
But they don't get to demand those answers. Because there is a sonic boom on the horizon. And then? Floating... weird... not ghosts?
Uuuuuuhhhh?
Hi?
That much blue... sure is a Statement. Like the cape and... bloooomers? Shorts. Bikini bottoms? It.. it's a Cool Look, dude! No, really. They are being VERY supportive here! If YOU like it? That's the only thing that matters!
Red Huntress smacks the Danny/i's Repeated upside their heads and demans to know what the Not-Ghosts are doing in their airspace.
Oh YEAH. Good point! What she said! And can it WAIT? They're kinda going through A Thing right now...
Kon? Wants it on record he loves these guys. They're hilarious. The LOOK on Clark's FACE?? He wishes he could frame it. Preserve it for future generations. Thing is? There was NOT a town here a second ago.
Well, bout 30 minutes or so, but you get the idea. One moment? Tree noises. Bam! Thousands of people! Obviously the checked it out. Only to be met with two... three maybe? Heros who have NO IDEA who they are.
Clear Reality warping shenanigans. Might be time travel or multiverse. Question is... are they STAYING? And if SO? What now...
@hdgnj @ailithnight @the-witchhunter @nerdpoe @dcxdpdabbles @mutable-manifestation @hypewinter
#dpxdc#yeah I maybe made Tucker's phone a little eldritch#yeah they're gonna convince people Amity was cursed before#“people couldn't see amity before because of the curse”#“what's that? Magic isn't real? Do you think beloved hero captain marvel is a liar?”#also literally what are meta powers if not magic#“but! but it's linked to genetics!”#my entire ass - genetics don't let you bend metal. correlation is not causation. some magic is more specific than other magic#they be gaslighting everybody#but#They pay their taxes?#and their tech updates are surprisingly good?#especially once their scientists learn DC (or “outside world”) tech better#yeah the gov't doesn't mind them too much#very funny if Lex Luthor thinks they're all martians or something (re video of danny dragging dani & val through the ground) and HATES THEM#vlad would be there#still mayor? idk#but if at least some of dalv co is in Amity he can prob finangle it to get some of his money back#and elbow in on Lex tech's markets#making about both “evil aliens” and about money#just Vlad v Luthor#does luthor have anti-ghost protections?#I want Vlad to get fed up and start stealing his stuff#idk where else to go with this but I feel like this AU has so much potential!#alt idea: they could claim amity has been skipping around the world since forever#but got caught in the bermuda for a good bit there#looks like it's america this time#Amity Parkers: *sips smoothie while wearing hawaiin shirt* hi new neighbors
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Sea Cryptic! Danny AU- Pt.3
[Pt.1] [Pt.2] [Pt.4] [Pt.5] [Pt.6] [Pt.7] [Pt.8] [Pt.9] [Pt.10]
“Aquaman.” Batman swept into the room, beelining straight for the suddenly apprehensive Atlantean king.
“Batman. What can I do for you?”
“Phantom. Does he pay taxes?”
“Pardon?”
Batman makes a low noise that had Aquaman’s danger senses buzzing.
“Does Phantom have to pay taxes. Towards Atlantis.”
“No…? Why?”
“He wanted money, in exchange for… information, of a delicate sort,” Batman said, diplomatically avoiding the topic of Phantom bargaining for the identities of corpses in exchange for a measly $100 dollars per identity. Like a flea market dealer, that one was.
“You encountered Phantom again?” Aquaman perked up.
“Yes. Gotham’s bay is… polluted.” Batman paused. “With victims. Of murder.”
The entire area quieted as heads turned towards the Dark Knight.
“Yes, I am… distantly aware of Gotham’s waters.” By that, Aquaman gets green around the gills whenever he turns his awareness in that direction. There’s a reason he doesn’t enter Gotham, and the Dark Knight’s ban is only half of that reason. “Ah, but you’re correct. For what purpose would Phantom need mortal currency?”
“Hn.”
“Maybe he needs some stuff?” Flash zipped to a stop next to Batman, feet tapping as he dug into the pile of snacks cradled in his arms. “Us mortals are always coming up with new things, maybe he wants to try some games or something?”
Batman tilted his head down, seriously considering Flash’s suggestion. “It’s plausible.”
“Barry, Barry, Barry. He’s old as hell, right? He probably wants to try the new booze!”
“Hal, my man!” Flash fist bumped Green Lantern, who came up. “You’re back! What happened to John?”
“Dunno. He got called somewhere that way,” Green Lantern waved a vague hand towards the left. “Had to deal with a politician or something from that area.” He shrugged, swinging an arm over Barry’s shoulders to put him in a headlock and stealing a chip.
“Huh. Anyways, would our mortal alcohol even work on a demi-god or something?”
“We should ask!” Hal turned towards Batman. “You should ask if he wants to go for a drink, spooky!”
“He’s a child.”
“He’s been around for more than a millennia, Bats.”
“Informational gathering, right, Hal?” Flashgot out of the headlock, quickly munching on his snacks to stop Green Lantern from stealing them.
“Totally. Yup.”
“…Fine.”
“Wait, are we just gonna ignore that Gotham’s waters are full of bodies?”
“Yes.”
——
“What?” Danny asked, mind half on the bags he’s dragging out of the water and the other half on the essay he has to submit in about four hours.
“Green Lantern wanted to invite you out for a drink.”
Danny turned to the stoic Gotham knight, who had his wrist computer out to log the bodies’ info the moment Danny gave him the information. Some of them even told Danny who murdered them, so Batman could start building cases with solid leads.
Danny’s only twenty. He’s not legal yet but he doesn’t want to give any clues to who he is. How is he supposed to…
Ah!
“Can’t.” Danny shrugged. “I’m not legal. I died when I was fourteen so…” Danny trailed off, speechless at the drowned puppy face Batman was giving him. What the fuck.
“Anyways, fork over my payment.”
Batman wordlessly hands him a wad of hundreds.
“What do you need cash for?” Batman suddenly asked.
“Huh? Isn’t it obvious?” Danny tucked it in. “Material things, obviously. I need a blanket,” because holy shit, Gotham is damn cold this time of year. “Anyways, see you same time next week, litterer.”
“I don’t litter.”
“Tell that to the batarangs I found under the water,” Danny grumbled. “But I’ll stop calling you that if you get a signature from Poison Ivy. I have a friend who loves her.”
“An alive friend?”
“Wouldn’t you like to know, weatherboy?”
Danny snickered and disappeared. He’s gotta cram that essay.
——
“There’s a possibility Phantom might be homeless.”
“Batman, I mean this in the nicest way, but for the love of Atlantis, please stop giving me headaches. It’s time like these I wish I stayed a lighthouse keeper.”
#batman#danny phantom#bruce wayne#dc x dp#bamf danny phantom#dpxdc#dcxdp#hal jordan#green lantern#the flash#Barry allen#mentions of Sam mason#phantom doesn’t pay taxes#but Danny Fenton absolutely pays taxes#his parents taught him how to file taxes#tax season is coming up soon tall I’m stressed#arthur curry#Aquaman#Aquaman and being interrogated on Atlantean history#Batman’s nickname is the litterer#you can’t tell me that batarangs don’t go everywhere#sea cryptic! danny au
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Retiring the US debt would retire the US dollar
THIS WEDNESDAY (October 23) at 7PM, I'll be in DECATUR, GEORGIA, presenting my novel THE BEZZLE at EAGLE EYE BOOKS.
One of the most consequential series of investigative journalism of this decade was the Propublica series that Jesse Eisinger helmed, in which Eisinger and colleagues analyzed a trove of leaked IRS tax returns for the richest people in America:
https://www.propublica.org/series/the-secret-irs-files
The Secret IRS Files revealed the fact that many of America's oligarchs pay no tax at all. Some of them even get subsidies intended for poor families, like Jeff Bezos, whose tax affairs are so scammy that he was able to claim to be among the working poor and receive a federal Child Tax Credit, a $4,000 gift from the American public to one of the richest men who ever lived:
https://www.propublica.org/article/the-secret-irs-files-trove-of-never-before-seen-records-reveal-how-the-wealthiest-avoid-income-tax
As important as the numbers revealed by the Secret IRS Files were, I found the explanations even more interesting. The 99.9999% of us who never make contact with the secretive elite wealth management and tax cheating industry know, in the abstract, that there's something scammy going on in those esoteric cults of wealth accumulation, but we're pretty vague on the details. When I pondered the "tax loopholes" that the rich were exploiting, I pictured, you know, long lists of equations salted with Greek symbols, completely beyond my ken.
But when Propublica's series laid these secret tactics out, I learned that they were incredibly stupid ruses, tricks so thin that the only way they could possibly fool the IRS is if the IRS just didn't give a shit (and they truly didn't – after decades of cuts and attacks, the IRS was far more likely to audit a family earning less than $30k/year than a billionaire).
This has become a somewhat familiar experience. If you read the Panama Papers, the Paradise Papers, Luxleaks, Swissleaks, or any of the other spectacular leaks from the oligarch-industrial complex, you'll have seen the same thing: the rich employ the most tissue-thin ruses, and the tax authorities gobble them up. It's like the tax collectors don't want to fight with these ultrawealthy monsters whose net worth is larger than most nations, and merely require some excuse to allow them to cheat, anything they can scribble in the box explaining why they are worth billions and paying little, or nothing, or even entitled to free public money from programs intended to lift hungry children out of poverty.
It was this experience that fueled my interest in forensic accounting, which led to my bestselling techno-crime-thriller series starring the two-fisted, scambusting forensic accountant Martin Hench, who made his debut in 2022's Red Team Blues:
https://us.macmillan.com/books/9781250865847/red-team-blues
The double outrage of finding out how badly the powerful are ripping off the rest of us, and how stupid and transparent their accounting tricks are, is at the center of Chokepoint Capitalism, the book about how tech and entertainment companies steal from creative workers (and how to stop them) that Rebecca Giblin and I co-authored, which also came out in 2022:
https://chokepointcapitalism.com/
Now that I've written four novels and a nonfiction book about finance scams, I think I can safely call myself a oligarch ripoff hobbyist. I find this stuff endlessly fascinating, enraging, and, most importantly, energizing. So naturally, when PJ Vogt devoted two episodes of his excellent Search Engine podcast to the subject last week, I gobbled them up:
https://www.searchengine.show/listen/search-engine-1/why-is-it-so-hard-to-tax-billionaires-part-1
I love the way Vogt unpacks complex subjects. Maybe you've had the experience of following a commentator and admiring their knowledge of subjects you're unfamiliar with, only have them cover something you're an expert in and find them making a bunch of errors (this is basically the experience of using an LLM, which can give you authoritative seeming answers when the subject is one you're unfamiliar with, but which reveals itself to be a Bullshit Machine as soon as you ask it about something whose lore you know backwards and forwards).
Well, Vogt has covered many subjects that I am an expert in, and I had the opposite experience, finding that even when he covers my own specialist topics, I still learn something. I don't always agree with him, but always find those disagreements productive in that they make me clarify my own interests. (Full disclosure: I was one of Vogt's experts on his previous podcast, Reply All, talking about the inkjet printerization of everything:)
https://gimletmedia.com/shows/reply-all/brho54
Vogt's series on taxing billionaires was no exception. His interview subjects (including Eisinger) were very good, and he got into a lot of great detail on the leaker himself, Charles Littlejohn, who plead guilty and was sentenced to five years:
https://jacobin.com/2023/10/charles-littlejohn-irs-whistleblower-pro-publica-tax-evasion-prosecution
Vogt also delved into the history of the federal income tax, how it was sold to the American public, and a rather hilarious story of Republican Congressional gamesmanship that backfired spectacularly. I'd never encountered this stuff before and boy was it interesting.
But then Vogt got into the nature of taxation, and its relationship to the federal debt, another subject I've written about extensively, and that's where one of those productive disagreements emerged. Yesterday, I set out to write him a brief note unpacking this objection and ended up writing a giant essay (sorry, PJ!), and this morning I found myself still thinking about it. So I thought, why not clean up the email a little and publish it here?
As much as I enjoyed these episodes, I took serious exception to one – fairly important! – aspect of your analysis: the relationship of taxes to the national debt.
There's two ways of approaching this question, which I think of as akin to classical vs quantum physics. In the orthodox, classical telling, the government taxes us to pay for programs. This is crudely true at 10,000 feet and as a rule of thumb, it's fine in many cases. But on the ground – at the quantum level, in this analogy – the opposite is actually going on.
There is only one source of US dollars: the US Treasury (you can try and make your own dollars, but they'll put you in prison for a long-ass time if they catch you.).
If dollars can only originate with the US government, then it follows that:
a) The US government doesn't need our taxes to get US dollars (for the same reason Apple doesn't need us to redeem our iTunes cards to get more iTunes gift codes);
b) All the dollars in circulation start with spending by the US government (taxes can't be paid until dollars are first spent by their issuer, the US government); and
c) That spending must happen before anyone has been taxed, because the way dollars enter circulation is through spending.
You've probably heard people say, "Government spending isn't like household spending." That is obviously true: households are currency users while governments are currency issuers.
But the implications of this are very interesting.
First, the total dollars in circulation are:
a) All the dollars the government has ever spent into existence funding programs, transferring to the states, and paying its own employees, minus
b) All the dollars that the government has taxed away from us, and subsequently annihilated.
(Because governments spend money into existence and tax money out of existence.)
The net of dollars the government spends in a given year minus the dollars the government taxes out of existence that year is called "the national deficit." The total of all those national deficits is called "the national debt." All the dollars in circulation today are the result of this national debt. If the US government didn't have a debt, there would be no dollars in circulation.
The only way to eliminate the national debt is to tax every dollar in circulation out of existence. Because the national debt is "all the dollars the government has ever spent," minus "all the dollars the government has ever taxed." In accounting terms, "The US deficit is the public's credit."
When billionaires like Warren Buffet tell Jesse Eisinger that he doesn't pay tax because "he thinks his money is better spent on charitable works rather than contributing to an insignificant reduction of the deficit," he is, at best, technically wrong about why we tax, and at worst, he's telling a self-serving lie. The US government doesn't need to eliminate its debt. Doing so would be catastrophic. "Retiring the US debt" is the same thing as "retiring the US dollar."
So if the USG isn't taxing to retire its debts, why does it tax? Because when the USG – or any other currency issuer – creates a token, that token is, on its face, useless. If I offered to sell you some "Corycoins," you would quite rightly say that Corycoins have no value and thus you don't need any of them.
For a token to be liquid – for it to be redeemable for valuable things, like labor, goods and services – there needs to be something that someone desires that can be purchased with that token. Remember when Disney issued "Disney dollars" that you could only spend at Disney theme parks? They traded more or less at face value, even outside of Disney parks, because everyone knew someone who was planning a Disney vacation and could make use of those Disney tokens.
But if you go down to a local carny and play skeeball and win a fistful of tickets, you'll find it hard to trade those with anyone outside of the skeeball counter, especially once you leave the carny. There's two reasons for this:
1) The things you can get at the skeeball counter are pretty crappy so most people don't desire them; and ' 2) Most people aren't planning on visiting the carny, so there's no way for them to redeem the skeeball tickets even if they want the stuff behind the counter (this is also why it's hard to sell your Iranian rials if you bring them back to the US – there's not much you can buy in Iran, and even someone you wanted to buy something there, it's really hard for US citizens to get to Iran).
But when a sovereign currency issuer – one with the power of the law behind it – demands a tax denominated in its own currency, they create demand for that token. Everyone desires USD because almost everyone in the USA has to pay taxes in USD to the government every year, or they will go to prison. That fact is why there is such a liquid market for USD. Far more people want USD to pay their taxes than will ever want Disney dollars to spend on Dole Whips, and even if you are hoping to buy a Dole Whip in Fantasyland, that desire is far less important to you than your desire not to go to prison for dodging your taxes.
Even if you're not paying taxes, you know someone who is. The underlying liquidity of the USD is inextricably tied to taxation, and that's the first reason we tax. By issuing a token – the USD – and then laying on a tax that can only be paid in that token (you cannot pay federal income tax in anything except USD – not crypto, not euros, not rials – only USD), the US government creates demand for that token.
And because the US government is the only source of dollars, the US government can purchase anything that is within its sovereign territory. Anything denominated in US dollars is available to the US government: the labor of every US-residing person, the land and resources in US territory, and the goods produced within the US borders. The US doesn't need to tax us to buy these things (remember, it makes new money by typing numbers into a spreadsheet at the Federal Reserve). But it does tax us, and if the taxes it levies don't equal the spending it's making, it also sells us T-bills to make up the shortfall.
So the US government kinda acts like classical physics is true, that is, like it is a household and thus a currency user, and not a currency issuer. If it spends more than it taxes, it "borrows" (issues T-bills) to make up the difference. Why does it do this? To fight inflation.
The US government has no monetary constraints, it can make as many dollars as it cares to (by typing numbers into a spreadsheet). But the US government is fiscally constrained, because it can only buy things that are denominated in US dollars (this is why it's such a big deal that global oil is priced in USD – it means the US government can buy oil from anywhere, not only the USA, just by typing numbers into a spreadsheet).
The supply of dollars is infinite, but the supply of labor and goods denominated in US dollars is finite, and, what's more, the people inside the USA expect to use that labor and goods for their own needs. If the US government issues so many dollars that it can outbid every private construction company for the labor of electricians, bricklayers, crane drivers, etc, and puts them all to work building federal buildings, there will be no private construction.
Indeed, every time the US government bids against the private sector for anything – labor, resources, land, finished goods – the price of that thing goes up. That's one way to get inflation (and it's why inflation hawks are so horny for slashing government spending – to get government bidders out of the auction for goods, services and labor).
But while the supply of goods for sale in US dollars is finite, it's not fixed. If the US government takes away some of the private sector's productive capacity in order to build interstates, train skilled professionals, treat sick people so they can go to work (or at least not burden their working-age relations), etc, then the supply of goods and services denominated in USD goes up, and that makes more fiscal space, meaning the government and the private sector can both consume more of those goods and services and still not bid against one another, thus creating no inflationary pressure.
Thus, taxes create liquidity for US dollars, but they do something else that's really important: they reduce the spending power of the private sector. If the US only ever spent money into existence and never taxed it out of existence, that would create incredible inflation, because the supply of dollars would go up and up and up, while the supply of goods and services you could buy with dollars would grow much more slowly, because the US government wouldn't have the looming threat of taxes with which to coerce us into doing the work to build highways, care for the sick, or teach people how to be doctors, engineers, etc.
Taxes coercively reduce the purchasing power of the private sector (they're a stick). T-bills do the same thing, but voluntarily (they the carrot).
A T-bill is a bargain offered by the US government: "Voluntarily park your money instead of spending it. That will create fiscal space for us to buy things without bidding against you, because it removes your money from circulation temporarily. That means we, the US government, can buy more stuff and use it to increase the amount of goods and services you can buy with your money when the bond matures, while keeping the supply of dollars and the supply of dollar-denominated stuff in rough equilibrium."
So a bond isn't a debt – it's more like a savings account. When you move money from your checking to your savings, you reduce its liquidity, meaning the bank can treat it as a reserve without worrying quite so much about you spending it. In exchange, the bank gives you some interest, as a carrot.
I know, I know, this is a big-ass wall of text. Congrats if you made it this far! But here's the upshot. We should tax billionaires, because it will reduce their economic power and thus their political power.
But we absolutely don't need to tax billionaires to have nice things. For example: the US government could hire every single unemployed person without creating inflationary pressure on wages, because inflation only happens when the US government tries to buy something that the private sector is also trying to buy, bidding up the price. To be "unemployed" is to have labor that the private sector isn't trying to buy. They're synonyms. By definition, the feds could put every unemployed person to work (say, training one another to be teachers, construction workers, etc – and then going out and taking care of the sick, addressing the housing crisis, etc etc) without buying any labor that the private sector is also trying to buy.
What's even more true than this is that our taxes are not going to reduce the national debt. That guest you had who said, "Even if we tax billionaires, we will never pay off the national debt,"" was 100% right, because the national debt equals all the money in circulation.
Which is why that guest was also very, very wrong when she said, "We will have to tax normal people too in order to pay off the debt." We don't have to pay off the debt. We shouldn't pay off the debt. We can't pay off the debt. Paying off the debt is another way of saying "eliminating the dollar."
Taxation isn't a way for the government to pay for things. Taxation is a way to create demand for US dollars, to convince people to sell goods and services to the US government, and to constrain private sector spending, which creates fiscal space for the US government to buy goods and services without bidding up their prices.
And in a "classical physics" sense, all of the preceding is kinda a way of saying, "Taxes pay for government spending." As a rough approximation, you can think of taxes like this and generally not get into trouble.
But when you start to make policy – when you contemplate when, whether, and how much to tax billionaires – you leave behind the crude, high-level approximation and descend into the nitty-gritty world of things as they are, and you need to jettison the convenience of the easy-to-grasp approximation.
If you're interested in learning more about this, you can tune into this TED Talk by Stephanie Kelton, formerly formerly advisor to the Senate Budget Committee chair, now back teaching and researching econ at University of Missouri at Kansas City:
https://www.ted.com/talks/stephanie_kelton_the_big_myth_of_government_deficits?subtitle=en
Stephanie has written a great book about this, The Deficit Myth:
https://pluralistic.net/2020/05/14/everybody-poops/#deficit-myth
There's a really good feature length doc about it too, called "Finding the Money":
https://findingmoneyfilm.com/
If you'd like to read more of my own work on this, here's a column I wrote about the nature of currency in light of Web3, crypto, etc:
https://locusmag.com/2022/09/cory-doctorow-moneylike/
Tor Books as just published two new, free LITTLE BROTHER stories: VIGILANT, about creepy surveillance in distance education; and SPILL, about oil pipelines and indigenous landback.
If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:
https://pluralistic.net/2024/10/21/we-can-have-nice-things/#public-funds-not-taxpayer-dollars
#pluralistic#mmt#modern monetary theory#warren buffett#podcasts#pj vogt#billionaires#economics#we can have nice things#taxes#taxing billionaires#the irs files#irs files#jesse eisenger#propublica
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Okay I really need to start unfollowing people because my dashboard is getting too unpleasant to scroll thru for my anxiety-ridden brain.
#I keep not paying attention to who is is putting political stuff on my dashboard#and like yeah it's usually stuff I agree with but I come to Tumblr for the funni#and all this stuff is mentally taxing for me#other problem is some of the pool I've noticed do this recently are long time mutuals#I don't wanna unfollow but my dashboard is becoming stressful to scroll thru
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✰ HC: BEING IN A SITUATIONSHIP WITH THE JJK F*CKBOYS
DESCRIPTION: my hcs on what it’d be like to be in a situationship/fwb situation with the jjk men hehe
FEATURED: gojo satoru, geto suguru, nanami kento, fushiguro toji
WARNINGS: 18+ MINORS DNI. fem + afab reader, this is fully self indulgent i'm just taking my own shiddy experiences and coping via hot anime men, suggestive content/smut, pretty standard manwhore behavior, slightly toxic, not wholesome, kinda crack tbh, some mentions of degradation as a kink, objectifying women, just like the real thing lol!
A/N: LONG BUT READ! this will Not have an ending where you get together at least not rn these are just my hcs all in good fun ur just having fun ok ur not heartbroken everything is okay. they are not good boys here they are normal regular boys
GOJO SATORU
has way too many hoes. way too many
so much so that he gave up on remembering their names and just saves their numbers like “osaka w the hand kink”, “big tits shibari”, “slut from trig”, “hostess best bjs”
has someone’s boobs with his name written on them in sharpie as his wallpaper
says i love you when he cums inside and you never know if you should believe it
throws you off when he agrees to meet your friends only for him to flirt with them in front of you
takes you to the best clubs with bottle service, lets the girls sit on his lap and laughs when you get mad
pays for your ubers everywhere every time
into the weirdest shit like wearing your underwear laughing like a lunatic the whole time he’s fucking you then after he cums gets sulky and embarrassed
lays it on thick with the pet names, gives zero fucks if that confuses you even further
very public with you and it makes you wonder how many other girls put themselves through this humiliation just for the d
gets jealous about you being with other people and needs to prove himself by eating it from the back or something
fwb with gojo is just a huge mindfuck honestly he doesn’t take anything seriously and this is no different sorry! it’s fun tho!
GETO SUGURU
keeps it extremely platonic because he likes to tell himself he has a conscience
too busy for regular chit chat ignores your texts all day then hits you up when he wants to fuck
even more of a whore than gojo is which is why he makes sure not to lead anyone on he just does not need the trouble
answers all your personal questions about him with one word answers
he lets you choose the movie for netflix and chill at least! but will never remember it or the fact that it’s your favorite :(
cleans you up after sex and brings you water
has female hygiene products in his bathroom which is both a red and a green flag
lets you stay after sex and you just lay there on his bed watching him do stuff on his computer but he will not be talking to you
never calls you baby or anything when he’s fucking you just goes oh fuck yeah right there fuuuuck your pussy
genuinely respects you and has nice decent sex with you unless you tell him that you’re kinky
in which case he fucks you just how you want it and gets off on how turned on you are
not one of those guys who gets jealous of sex toys and holds the wand on your clit for you
likes to make you cum over and over and over again
fwb with geto makes your heart clench because he’s just such a gentleman but you got way too much competition to even think about it
NANAMI KENTO
a professional in every sense of the word
uses sex as stress relief
thinks he's too old for this shit but you make him feel alive so he fucks you like he can empty all of his frustrations into you
invites you to his apartment serves you expensive liquor and lets you initiate things most times unless he’s too pent up
can actually have very nice conversations with you
never has the “what are we talk” because he makes it clear he’s too busy for a relationship
lets you spend the night if it’s too late but solely for your safety/logistics
does your taxes for you but will not call you anything beyond an “acquaintance”
texts you happy holidays but does not know when your birthday is
gets tested consistently even though he’s not fucking anyone else and always uses a condom unless you beg him not to
eats you out because he thinks it’s relaxing and spends hours prepping you
the sexual tension is soooo thick when you two fuck all you can hear is grunts and growls and moans and wet slapping sounds and it’s so hot
has some random turn ons like gets bricked up when you’re wearing lipstick or stockings
fwb with nanami is very enjoyable and easy it’ll get complicated if you develop feelings because he does not want to date but who cares yolo am i right
FUSHIGURO TOJI
broke ass deadbeat dad why are you into him
absolutely nasty sex
you know if he had a girlfriend he’d respect her too much to do the things he does to you
dick game so bomb that you’re scared he’s gonna give you a child even when he’s wearing a condom
wants to fuck you every way he possibly can on every fuckable surface with zero regard for your physical integrity
eats his cum right out of you
ego is so big, grins so wide and fucks you so hard when you stroke his muscles
loves to eat pussy but only after he’s fucked you because he likes it tight and hot with minimal prep
doesn’t follow you on any social media but jerks off to your instagram pics
has like 3 different phone numbers and you don’t know why
has only let you come over once, didn’t let you shower after
no pet names but calls you a dirty whore and other degrading shit
loves it if you cry on his dick
doesn’t give a fuck about your safety sorry you’re on your own
has never told you his last name
one time you asked to see a picture of his son and he didn’t speak for 3 whole minutes
fwb with toji is the nastiest sex you’ve ever had truly it’s just sinful and everyone’s dark hidden fantasy half of it you couldn’t tell your closest friends because it’s just too much
a/n sorry
#✩.petra.doc#✩.gojo#✩.geto#✩.nanami#✩.toji#✩.jjk hcs#✩.gojo hcs#✩.geto hcs#✩.toji hcs#✩.nanami hcs#tw toxic#✩.tw toxic#gojo satoru hcs#gojo satoru headcanons#gojo satoru smut#gojo smut#gojo satoru x reader#gojo x reader#gojo satoru x you#gojo x you#geto suguru hcs#geto suguru x reader#geto suguru x you#geto x you#geto x reader#nanami kento hcs#nanami kento headcannons#nanami kento x you#nanami kento x reader#geto suguru smut
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Hi! Saw your newest post, so thought I might as well try to help with your writers block :)
How about headcanons of the bat boys dating a broke reader? Alternatively, batboys x bimbo!reader?
Hope this helps you get out of your slump, enjoy the rest of your day and take your time if you ain't up for it :]
A/n: Tysm for the request! Hope you enjoy :)
Dick Grayson
Being resident in Bludhaven, he's financially independent and certainly not rich. He refuses to depend on Bruce.
This means he hasn't got any trust fund money to give you, but he'd definitely help you out any way he can
He'd buy you practical gifts as well as normal ones whenever he's got the chance, and if you're living together the way you divide the living costs would definitely be proportional to your spending power
Dick isn't rich but he's not broke either: the average annual salary for cops in the us is roughly $66.000, but he owns the two-bedroom apartment you live in so the only thing you guys need to pay is taxes and bills, no rent to worry about. You're also not at home for most of the day, seeing as he works as a cop and you have your own job that takes up a good chunk of your day, so the electricity bill isn't very high.
I personally think Reader would not enjoy not having to pay for anything seeing as the money comes out of Dick's own pocket, so she'd at the very least insist on paying for groceries and helping out more in the house with laundry, dishes, cleaning et cetera, to even out the responsibilities as much as possible
He'd support you as much as possible if you're getting a degree, he'd be like your own personal cheerleader, and after you get it he'd organise this huge surprise graduation party for you and then help you get a job in the field of your degree
like if you became a lawyer he'd hook you up with some judges/attorneys he knows aren't corrupt and get you a job in their law firm (paid intern of course, after having worked so hard you want to make it yourself in the world)
I think you two would have tons of fun at the thrift! You wouldn't feel bad about him insisting to spend his money, and you would have the best time just perusing the racks and laughing at all the insane stuff you find plus trying on some genuinely nice clothes
One thing he splurges on though is making sure you have a state-of-the-art home gym, in fact that is why he buys your building's basement and equips it with every work-out machine under the sun plus a trapeze and equipment to practice a ton of other dynamic sports of the sort
————————————
Jason Todd
He's a crime lord so it's safe to say this dude is filthy rich
He obviously doesn't show it though and apart from having a lot of it as an emergency fund for when he needs to defend himself in gang wars I believe he anonymously donates the rest to charities
I go with the canon of Jason being catholic so I believe he gives to the Church, but it could obviously be something else like one of the many Wayne foundations (cause as much as he holds a grudge against his father he knows he's obviously not corrupt and actually helps people)
apart from this he definitely still has a lot of money
He'd refuse to see you struggle financially
He's been through that, he knows how awful it is and does not hear no for an answer when he goes to hand you insane amounts of cash
If you live together then he makes sure to get a nice apartment in the respectable parts of town, blending in with the rest of the neighbourhood to make sure the location is safe and as untraceable as possible
He handles everything and refuses to even let you pay for groceries, insisting that you concentrate on your studies and not worry about having to sustain yourself
To him you guys being a team means that you hold each other up any way you can, and you already support him immensely just by being by his side and loving him, so to him this is just doing his part and supporting you (on top of loving you like crazy of course)
One thing he'd do is make sure your house has enough space to host an insane amount of books though
On this topic I think he'd absolutely spoil you with book hauls, just taking you to every book store you can find and buying piles and piles of books
I'm talking those beautiful gold-leaf covered editions of centuries-old classics, and it doesn't matter if you already have the stories per-se in your library cause it's the edition that matters in this case, ya know?
Like sometimes you want to feel regal and distinguished reading the gold-lined hardcover Commedia, sometimes you want to feel quirky with your penguin edition Jane Eyre, other times you just want to embrace your inner sewer rat and read Macbeth from the shitty mass-produced paperbacks and Jason acknowledges and embraces it
————————————
Tim Drake
Tim, like Jason, is also filthy rich, in virtue of being the owner of Drake Industries and the representative C.E.O. for Bruce at Wayne Enterprises
You'd both live in his Nest, and given the horrendous amount of electricity it consumes it's all already paid for by his company so no need to worry about that
He would only accept "payment" for everything he does for you in the form of you making sure he goes to sleep at decent amounts of time when he's elbow-deep in a case (and tons of love, obviously)
Like Jason, he'd just hands you wads of cash
EXCEPT! He does it for the most mundane stuff. Timothy Jackson Drake is a nepo baby, no way around that. Sure, while he spent his time stalking Batman and Robin through the rougher parts of Gotham he learnt street-safety 101, but he always carried anything he needed for those nightly strolls in his backpack, and he never really learned the real value of money. "$2.70 for a small bottle of water? Sounds reasonable!" is his thought process to this day.
You two would often have these moments of 'culture shock', with Tim slowly discovering how much things should cost every time you two go out to run errands together and you discovering about the insane things the rich buy and do just because Tim decided to recount some childhood stories/told you about some stuff socialites did ad a gala
Since I think Tim's love language is quality time I think he'd take you on these absurd trips whenever possible, that to you are to absurd places but to him it's a very normal trip because "my parents always went there twice a year? It's an extremely normal vacation spot?" Meanwhile it's the Maldives or a private island in Greece or something
This being Tim you also HAVE to have a state-of-the-art phone, with tons of features you will never need to use since you're a civilian but it makes him more at ease, knowing that if the need arises you have the ability to disarm a bomb with the click of a button on your display
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Damian Wayne-Al Ghul
Oh he'd absolutely refuse to have you living anywhere but a castle
It'd take convincing for him to have you living in anything less than a penthouse in the diamond district
He's not against the idea of you working, but he doesn't think that it's necessary for you to slave away at a minimum-wage job while you could be spending all your time in luxury while studying for your degree
After you get your degree he'd help you find a job at one of the most important places for your specialisation, pulling the needed strings just to make sure your resume isn't overlooked (nothing more, he's of the idea that his partner should be strong, plus he believes you to be extremely capable and so thinks that pulling strings to get you the job would be a disservice and an offence to you)
Absolutely spoils you with gifts, and by that I mean: clothes, jewellery, if you like cars he'll buy you a carpark, anything you look at for more than two seconds he'll buy
Damian's way of showing love is through gestures, so you rejecting his gifts would hurt him and he'd take it to mean that you are rejecting him/are unsatisfied with him
Like with Tim, you both would have "Culture shocks" over stuff like the worth of money, lifestyle and stuff like that
Because Damian is basically a royal (or at the very least was raised like one, I don't know what's happened to the LoA in current canon) I think he'd lowkey try to get you an armed guard for when you need to go out as a sign of love lol
"Damian I've been feeling watched while going out as of late" "Don't worry Beloved, that's just the armed guard" "Oh ok-I'm sorry what?!"
Things like anniversaries, birthdays and big events are celebrated in the most lavish settings but in a private way still, like he'll absolutely spoil you and take you to visit this super famous castle for your birthday, matter of fact he'll rent it out for the occasion
For real he does this because when you're alone he can be himself and he loves doing that when you're both experiencing something that makes you happy-- But! Those are head canons for another time hehe >:)
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Bruce Wayne
I believe he's the only one in the bat family who knows the worth of money while having being rich his entire life (ya know, having to use all the disguises he does and going undercover as a normal person a lot of the time)
He definitely offers you a job at Wayne Enterprises, and if you accept he agrees to keeping your relationship under wraps so that no one will start saying that you 'sleep with him for the job'
On that topic if the relationship ever goes public and people start saying that, he will fire them without hesitation
And if it's business partners joking with him about it, he won't stop dealing with them for the sole purpose of covertly crippling their reputation so badly they'll have no choice but to sell their companies to him
You obviously live with him at the Manor, and he insists that everything be paid for by himself only (ya know, richest man in New Jersey and probably the world soooo....)
Bruce is really bad with his emotions, he tends to really repress them whenever he deems them something he's not 'worthy' of feeling or whenever he perceives he has failed at something or failed someone, so the mere fact he confessed his feelings towards you and that he doesn't shun your love is a huge step forward for him. This doesn't mean that he's good at expressing his emotions when he doesn't repress them though, especially not with words.
This is why his main love languages are gift-giving and acts of service, because he shows his love through actions.
Gift-giving as an important love language for him happens because he's very busy both during the day and the night, so sometimes your schedules just don't align or he even has to go off-world with the Justice League and stuff, so he 'makes up' those missed acts of service with lavish gifts
Usually this could be seen as 'throwing money at the problem and hoping it fixes itself' but the thing is that Bruce's gifts are pretty much always spontaneous. He's out and about in his public persona or patrolling as batman, and he sees a storefront with something that reminds him of you or that he thinks you would like. The next logical step is obviously buying it for you as soon as possible and getting it to the manor. Because Bruce is really bad at showing it but the people he loves are always at the forefront of his mind (when he's not being an asshole and repressing his emotions as if the fate of humankind depended on his ability to give his family the cold shoulder and communicating only in grunts and sighs)
———————————— A/n: this was so fun! I love writing head canons because there is no pressure with story flow and how much description and feeling you're putting into it, it's very similar to sharing your thoughts with a friend and that's what endears the format to me so much :) Hope you enjoyed! If you like my work, please consider reblogging and checking out my other works through the master list in my pinned post<3 Love you all🩷
Total word count: 2009
#jason todd#jason todd x reader#tim drake#tim drake x reader#dick grayson#Dick Grayson x reader#bruce wayne#bruce wayne x reader#damian wayne#damian wayne x reader#damian wayne headcanon#bruce wayne headcanon#jason todd headcanon#dick grayson headcanon#tim drake headcanon#batman#nightwing#red hood#red robin#robin
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Have you been to a teppanyaki restaurant lately? It's a fancy Japanese word that means, essentially, "fried on a metal plate." You go in there, you pay your money, and some dude does a bunch of corny jokes while frying your food right in front of you. Whole thing is a lot of fun, and you leave smelling like a barbecue just happened in your lap.
This sort of interaction between worker and customer is missing from many of our Western businesses. Things are just not fun. Nobody at McDonalds will flip a shrimp into her hat while cracking a joke about the stock market. When you get your car fixed, the team of mechanics doesn't build a flaming PB Blaster volcano to loosen the busted lower ball joint for your entertainment. And when you get someone to do your taxes, the lady they have working there takes one look at your box full of greasy parts-store receipts and just cries a whole lot, over and over, until the manager comes out and asks you to leave.
I figured it was time to change things up. Rather than ask already-overworked and heavily-underpaid workers to add an additional piece of unnecessary and annoying customer interaction to their plate, I wisely decided it would be best to ease everyone into it. Luckily for me, my general geographic area contains a very popular clown college. Thanks to recent maybe-errors in immigration policy, this school has over three thousand students at the moment, all learning the ins and outs of clownery and begging for a job, any job. And – unlike actual comedians – they don't get all froggy if you throw two dozen of them into a car and go driving around town, dropping them off at every business who won't pay our very reasonable "dismissal fee."
Friends, I'll be the first to admit that I fucked this one up, big time. I had absolutely no idea that clown makeup was flammable, or that their extensive bozo education did not include knowledge on safe food prep. That's just what happened at the A&W, which would have been bad enough if not for all the other stuff that happened. You've heard the rest of the defence from my team of attorneys, but I wanted you to hear it from me personally. If anyone has learned his lesson about employing clowns to blow up and then pop a balloon animal for laughs while standing next to the police bomb squad, it's me.
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