#or my best fucking friend who just. treated me awful after I told her I liked her even though I didn't expect her to like me back

[taniushka12]

fellas if a guy always sits next to you in monthly gatherings with over 20 ppl talks w/ you for 7 hours+ straight kinda zones out when he's not talking to you and actually accepted the one (1) time you invited him for a festival thing the same exact day even though he was swamped in studies for finals would it be overstepping to invite him to anywhere else outside the monthly gatherings or should I kill myself for even thinking about it? 🤔🤨 rn I'm thinking option two...

[sassy-radio-hazbin-queen]

Ok I am going to talk about something that's been on my mind recently.

Major warning ⚠️ might get deep.

Also ADHD RAMBLING SORRY IN ADVANCE 😔

Regarding Alastor and the Seven year absence. Ok so I see how In some recent posts people say Alastor must feel forgotten by the Hasbin crew, cause When Sir Pentious and Dazzle died they got a portrait and a statue. While Alastor got nothing. And Charlie thought he had died too.

But while that is true I'm surprised no one talks about how Alastor already felt Forgotten long before the fight. I'm talking about when he finally got home after 7 years disappearance.

My boy didn't get a Welcome home,( although he did get one from Carmilla later on)or a " Hey are you ok". Nothing. What does he get. Pushed around, Judged ( though it's quite understandable it's still wrong) and even told that he basically didn't matter. Remember the scene between Carmilla and Alastor. Alastor was basically asking her " Hey while I was gone, Did you at least think about me"?. And Carmilla response was definitely " Eh Not Really, But welcome back in any case".

Sure he looked pissed but if I was in his place I'd feel very hurt. I kinda noticed how everyone treats Alastor as if he is the worst thing in hell. When there so much worse * cough Valentino cough*

From what I understand he only targeted those that hurt others. Maybe Hell was pissed because in a way he was saving other souls. Taking them from their abusive owners. Which is fucked up but it's hell. What do you expect?

I firmly believe Alastor grew up in a abusive household and definitely witnessed his mother getting abused which definitely affected his psyche. Maybe his father killed his mother and after killing his father he vowed no one will ever go through what he went through.

So he targeted awful people and offed them. When he got to hell. I think he felt his work wasn't done yet and now he is in the land of abusers and monsters. Maybe deep down. He was the one SCARED 😨.

Maybe he killed so he could feel safe in a twisted way. He ended up selling his soul cause he was scared. His owner who i headcanon is like Mother Gothel definitely didn't help. She manipulated him into thinking she is keeping him safe. When In reality she was using him for his powers.

I also headcanon that ( now this is going to sound crazy) His owner forces him to dress and act the way he does. She wants to be the only one who can play with her toy. His owner definitely doesn't share. So she will try to make him look in her eyes unappealing. We all know this doesn't work though. As Vox had fallen in love with him.

Now I don't believe Vox ever hurt Alastor and as much as I love stories where he gets 😳 obsessed. I actually would be happy if they become best friends again and hope it was just a giant misunderstanding just like Fizz and Blitz.

Still something happened That hurt Alastor deeply that he now hates anything to do with television. My Headcanon is cause Vox started to spend more time with Valentino and accidentally leaving Alastor in the dark. Alastor enjoyed spending time with Vox. Going dancing at a club, listening to radio shows. Even cuddling in a blanket watching a movie. But I think the main reason he enjoyed Vox's company is cause, His owner couldn't touch him. She couldn't hurt him in any way.

Kinda like how a person wants there friend over so there abuser doesn't hurt them. The abuser won't cause they rather do their evil deed in secret.

In other words Alastor felt safe around Vox and when he started spending time with Valentino and less with him. His owner would hurt him.

But no one knew this cause Alastor always had a smile on his face. Always seemed sure and confident of himself. This is a perfect representation of " You don't know what happens behind closed doors". I think this was a learned habit from childhood too. Maybe after his father abused him or/and his mother he would threaten to kill them if they told or even showed any signs of abuse.

His owner definitely has that power. If she has the power to give him power then she has the power to erase Alastor from existence. I think she threatened his afterlife multiple times.

Anyway eventually Vox and Alastor have a big fight which pissed the owner off. And she took him away for seven years. Personally I am among those that think she TORTURED him during that time.

I think she let him out and told him to watch the princess and make sure no one gets redeemed. She sews a smile on his face so everyone thinks he is happy and fine. Again reference to what I said earlier.

Alastor goes back home and everything has changed. Probably a culture shock to him. He goes to the hotel and had to pretend everything is ok. Maybe he was all touchy feely with everyone cause he wants to feel safe and secure. Like he is finally home and not hallucinating. When he is pushed away he acts like it doesn't matter but I think it does. I think it hurts him deeply but because of the abuse he endured in childhood and his afterlife he puts up a front as a defense mechanism.

As Alastor told Charlie

" Just because you see a Smile, don't think you know what's going on underneath. A smile is a valuable tool my dear. It inspires your friends, Keeps your enemies Guessing and says no matter what comes your way, Your the one in control".

In a roundabout way he was basically calling for help without saying he needs help. Remember he can't tell her or anyone about what he went through. Of course In a way it means he is still a prisoner. His owner can take him away at any time and this definitely scares him. So he will do anything he can to prevent this from happening. Even making a deal with the princess of hell.

Anyway So while after the battle I think he felt Forgotten, I think he already felt that way. Like he doesn't matter and he wants to matter. His owner and father probably told him that he is worth nothing and no one will miss him while he is gone.

Well he was gone twice and NO ONE missed him.

That's very sad when you think about it and I'm surprised no one had brought it up yet.

Once again I apologize for my rambling thank you for reading

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for not going to my brother's wedding?

I (35F) and my brother (29M) have always had a bit of a rocky relationship. Like, don't get me wrong, I love him, always have, always will. That said, we've been at each other's throats since he was capable of speech, and probably will be until one of us dies of spite.

My brother, let's call him Carter, has been in an on-and-off relationship with Taylor (29F) ever since they were in middle school. Personally, I hate Taylor, and I'm fine keeping it that way. She treats Carter like shit, she's cheated on him more times than I can count, she steals money from him, she is just an awful person to be around. Like, don't get me wrong, Carter's also an asshole, but can you really blame him considering what he has to deal with?

Now, a few months ago, they broke things off after Taylor stole his car to go and hook up with a guy in another state. He got the car back, told her to go fuck herself, and that was that. In the meantime, he ended up moving in with his best friend since high school (28M), let's call him Tim, and they have been no contact with Taylor ever since. About a month ago, I was talking to Carter, and he sheepishly told me that he had realized he was bisexual and was now dating Tim.

Honestly, I was ecstatic. Like, he and Taylor have been a thing for forever, and despite all of their breakups, I've never seen Carter actually date someone other than her. Also, Tim is someone that has a really good head on his shoulders. He can be a dick, but honestly, so can Carter, and he's really smart and down-to-earth. I was super accepting, of course, and I told Carter how happy I was for him, how glad I was to see him moving on and living his best life with someone that actually respects him.

Fast forward to last week. It's my day off, and I'm hanging out at my house, getting some chores done, when I get a call from Carter. I pick up and ask him how he's doing, and he tells me that he's doing good, but he wants me to come down to the courthouse. I ask him what for, and he tells me he's getting married! I'm kind of in shock, like--yeah, I'm glad he's with Tim, but isn't that a little fast?

That is, of course, when he drops the bomb on me: He's not marrying Tim. Taylor came crawling back yesterday and proposed to him. He's marrying Taylor.

I lose it a bit, I ask him if he's lost his mind, and we get into a shouting match over the phone. He tells me I'm being a bitch, I tell him it'll be a cold day in hell when I just stand there like a dumbass at his and Taylor's wedding. I don't go, they get married, that's that.

Yesterday, I went out to get lunch at my usual spot, and who do I see but Tim. I sit down with him and ask him how he's doing, ask him what's going on in his life, and so on. I tell him I feel so awful that things went sideways with Carter, and tell Tim that he's always a part of our family, even if Carter's lost his mind and dumped the best thing that's ever happened to him. Tim gives me a weird look, and asks what I'm talking about. I tell him that I heard about Carter and Taylor getting married, and that's when he drops the bomb on me that he's still in a relationship with Carter.

At first, I'm pissed at Carter for cheating on Tim, but Tim reassures me that he's into it--something I wouldn't have expected from him. I mean, I'm glad Carter still has Tim in his life I guess, but I still feel like he's being a dick to Tim. I don't tell Tim that, but I do tell him that I can't accept my brother marrying Taylor.

He tells me that he knows, but that Carter's been miserable since the wedding after I didn't show up. Tim tells me that Carter misses me, and that he's really been hoping I reach out. That's a surprise to me, because he's been saying he's not going to talk to me again until I apologize.

I really do care about my brother, but I can't pretend I support him marrying someone that's just going to keep being a toxic presence in his life. I don't care about how many people he's in a relationship with, or whether he's straight or bi or gay or whatever. I just want him to be safe and happy, and I know this relationship is really bad for him. Tim seems to think I should have just sucked it up and gone to his wedding anyways for the sake of my relationship with him. I'm starting to have doubts--I know I hurt him. But I also don't feel sorry. AITA?

What are these acronyms?

[holylulusworld]

Big girls don't cry (4)

Summary: You are no stranger to heartbreak.

Pairing: CEO!Steve Rogers x Plussized!Reader

Warnings: heavy angst, strong reader, mentions of former heartbreak, arguments, regret, fear of commitment, abandonment issues,

Big girls don’t cry masterlist

Part 3

“Stevie, go in there and talk to her,” Bucky groans. “I didn’t almost get killed by your angry girlfriend only for you to chicken out now. Go—”

Bucky shoves his friend toward the door.  

“What if she doesn’t want to see me? Y/N hates me now, and I can only blame myself. I let my insecurities and fear of commitment get the best out of me.”

“Yeah, you fucked things up big time, punk. Now go in there and fix things with your lovely lady. You love that woman, right?” 

“I had the ring, and the proposal planned and chose the easy way out. I got scared. Scared that she’ll laugh at me. Or even worse, say no. I saw her throw the ring in my face and run off. I’m not worthy of her love.”

“Y/N is a great person. She’s kind, smart and caring. I can’t imagine her doing such a thing. If you are honest with her, she’ll not break your heart,” Bucky smirks. “Maybe she breaks your dick with her baseball bat, though.”

“Buck,” Steve reaches for the door handle, “whatever happens now. Thank you for trying.”

“Just don’t chicken out or get your dick out,” the brunette chuckles. “I can tell, women don’t like it when you get it out after a fight.”

“What?” Steve side-eyes his friend. “What did you do, Buck?”

Bucky shrugs. “It was a case of miscommunication. I thought she wanted to have make-up sex, and she wanted to break up with me.”

“You’re unbelievable. I can’t believe I asked you for advice on relationship problems.”

“Hey, what can I say? The ladies love me?” Bucky grins. “But enough of me and my perfect face, and dick. You should go inside and finally talk to her. People are watching.”

“Hi, uh- thank you for letting me come here. Bucky said you will hear me out,” Steve awkwardly stands in the middle of the empty bakery. “Not many people around today.”

“We are renovating,” you quip, not even sparing Steve a glance. You practiced this conversation in front of the mirror and can’t show weakness. “I told you so a month ago.”

“I didn’t know it was this one,” he licks his lips. “You scared the shit out of Bucky.” He chuckles. “And I can tell, Bucky never gets scared.”

“He’s a baby,” you snicker. “Your friend almost peed his pants when I got the baseball bat out.” It feels awkward being around Steve again. “You wanted to talk, so talk.”

“Maybe…you could start,” Steve stammers. “I know you are angry and hurt. And you have every right to be angry. What I said was awful, and I know now that you went through so much in the past that you cannot forgive me. I just wanted you to know that I—”

He hesitates. Steve looks at his shoes, shaking his head. He takes a few deep breaths. “Sorry, I need…shit…” 

“What do you want to say, Steve?” 

“I-I love you,” he almost yells. It’s the first time he has said it with fear in his eyes. “I know that I said it before, but I wanted you to hear it one last time.”

“Steve, I thought we wanted to talk. This was more like a monologue. I wanted to talk about the things Bucky told me about your past. Why did you never tell me about the people bullying you.”

“I could ask you the same,” he gives you a cracked smile. “I-I was ashamed, I guess. I wasn’t always like this. Back then, I tried so hard to fit in. It was never enough, though. Not once was I good enough for anyone.”

“Boys always treated me like I’m not good enough to be seen with them,” you sniffle. “When you said all those things, I felt like the little girl who got her heart broken for the first time.”

“Y/N…” He fights the tears. “I was a weak and thin boy back then. Sick too. No one wanted to be my friend but Bucky. He was tall, cocky, and popular. They didn’t understand why he was my friend. I didn’t get it myself. He could’ve been friends with everyone.”

“He’s a nice guy,” you wipe your eyes and sniffle. “And a good friend. He almost got hit by a baseball bat for you.”

“When I liked a girl for the first time, she punched my nose and called me a loser. I was like six or seven.” He sighs deeply. “I know, this is no excuse.”

“It is not. I got rejected all my life too, but I would never do such a thing to you. I loved you so, and then you say something like that,” You push the tears away. “I was so happy, and you broke my heart.”

“I’m so sorry, doll. All my life I tried to forget about my past, and the weak boy from back then.” Steve takes a step toward you, holding out his hand. “In my teens, I fell in love with a girl. I believed she liked me too.” 

“She told everyone about it, didn’t she?” You softly ask. “Bucky told me about it. What was her name?”

“Peggy Carter,” Steve winces when her name leaves his lips. “I realized she only liked me as long as I helped her get better grades.”

“Same here,” you take his offered hand to squeeze it tightly. “I was twelve. At least I shoved the bastard against the wall and called him a dipshit.”

Steve grins. “I’m glad you did, doll.”

“Do you want to hear a fun fact?” Steve places your hand on his chest. “I met her two years ago. She didn’t even remember me. Imagine, Peggy was all over me and tried to get in my pants.”

“No way.”

“I turned her down, though. She got mad. I bet Peggy Carter never got turned down before. Well, I told her it’s payback for what she did to me when I was a kid.”

“Good for you. I mean, that you go the chance to pay her back.” You glance up at Steve, feeling unsure of how to proceed now. You’ve missed him so much, but you are scared to give in to him only to get hurt again. “Steve, I can’t go back to what we had so easily. I need…”

“I know, baby doll,” he wraps his arms around you to at least hold you one last time. “Please never believe you are not worthy of love, or that you should settle for someone who’s not worthy of your love. I wish you love. A love that will give you everything you’ll ever need…”

Part 5

Tags in reblog.

[the-final-sentence]

Top Final Sentences of 2024

1.There was this girl, and she told me she loved the smell of petrichor…" Maureen Johnson, from Death at Morning House

2. It occurs to me that, like everyone else, I have only one home. Deepa Rajagopalan, from “The Many Homes of Kanmani”

3. If they will never see anything but a monster when they look at me, then it’s a monster I’m going to give them. H.E. Edgmon, from Godly Heathens

4. I know it’s hard But it’s time you were comfortable in your own skin Everything is happening as it is supposed to With hidden blessings that you will soon understand And whatever happens, remember, I did, I do, and I will always Love you. Isabella Fillspipe, from “Dear Past Self” AND

See what happens if you try. Andrew Joseph White, from Compound Fracture

5. And finally, I wasn’t who I was at seventeen anymore. Marina Diamandis, from “Aspartame”

6. I have the privilege of another day. Patty Stonefish, from “It Could Have Been Me” 7. Go eat a fucking sandwich and throw your scale away Work out if you want to, lay on the couch if you want to No one else lives in your body You are enough, as you are, today. Mary Lambert, from “Margaritas”

8. He looked up at the empty clouds, and as he died he wondered, not for the first time but for the very last, why it should be that we are made for a bright world, but live in a dark one. Lev Grossman, from The Bright Sword

9. May you find —as one tortured poet knew— That Icarus also flew. Ilya Kaminsky, from “Of Flight”

10. I say, May you go shopping for cleaning supplies but come home with poems. Melissa Studdard, from “When You Rise from the Dead, I Drive You to the After Party"

AND

She pulls me to her and we push off, over the hill, and at long last, it feels like taking flight. Christina Li, from True Love and Other Impossible Odds

11. They all three came together where the land met the sea. Rose Sutherland, from A Sweet Sting of Salt

12. I mean it this time. Dustin Brookshire, from “Poem in Which I Realize That One Day I Won’t Miss You”

13. never let them know that the next person to reach their hands into your chest may look at you in awe, at how surprisingly breakable you are, how you have survived this long. Mary Lambert, from “Tips for Fat Girls”

14. Because there’s no future without a past. Abdi Nazemian, from Like a Love Story

15. Don’t waste one second of it living for anyone but yourself. Drew Afualo, from Loud

16. nothing is relentless but the sea. Ming Lauren Holden, from “can she breathe?”

AND

I imagined staring across from you at our dining room table thinking about how I could best love you. Mary Lambert, from “Written at Our Dining Room Table”

AND

I looked kind of happy for someone who was drowning. Mary Lambert, from “The Last Time It Was Good”

17. "And in the end, if you’re really smart and really brave, the only reward you get is the chance to finally start being alive." Naomi Kanakia, from Just Happy to Be Here

AND

Perhaps. Jennifer Lynn Barnes, from The Grandest Game

AND

I was smiling when he cradled my face in his hands and kissed me. Melissa Albert, from The Bad Ones

18. I am throwing up, I am throwing up my Hands, I do I do want to know how clouds are made, I like pink and I want a yard I tattoo flowers on my arm and I missed it all Jesus I missed everything. Mary Lambert, from “Grown”

AND

Mors vincit omnia. Andrew Joseph White, from The Spirit Bares Its Teeth

19. i coax my bones to rise, talk to them as children hushed; pleading. Andrea Simpson, from “Ophelia, Mania from the Willow Tree”

AND

This time, I’m keeping him. Casey McQuiston, from The Pairing

AND

We don’t choose their arrival

But we choose our response, so we might

as well greet them and treat them like friends. Marina Diamandis, from “E-motion”

20. But I opened my arms and I let Wreck in because every one of us gets to choose what kind of monster we become. Sam J. Miller, from “Boys Who Run with the Boars”

AND

And Nina smiles because she knows she did the best she could. Mark Oshiro, from “Wasps”

[justash02]

Womanizer; 04

A/n; lemme know if you have feedback! It’s always welcome! So are Requests!

Plot; Everyone who knew who Tom Kaulitz was knew that he was girl crazy, he's very well known for having girls around him all the time.

Pairing; Tom Kaulitz x fem reader.

Previous chapter -> next chapter.

Master list

Taglist<3

*^*^*

"Oh I love it and I hate it at the same time, you and I drank the poison from the same wine"

*^*^*

"Breaking news! Trouble in debut world! Lead singer Y/n L/n slaps leader Adam Smith after not getting the best rookie album award!"

"Want to explain this?" Ray, our manager asked, "This is you guys 6 week as a band and you guys already fighting?" Ray said looking me in the eyes.

Adam sat next me, he kept shifting in the chair he was sitting in avoiding Ray. "It's her fault, Ray." He mumbled.

Ray looked over at me as if to ask if he's telling the truth making me shake my head, "What happened." I wanted to open my mouth before Ray continued; "Every detail and calm please." I nodded.

"We were placed at the same table as Tokio Hotel, Tom Kaulitz was just making some flirty comments-"

"He was trying to fuck you."

"Let's Y/n speak."

A mhpm was heard next to me indicating that the boy next to me wasn't happy with the way this was going.

"As I was saying he was being himself, which he is known for." I said dramatically turning to Adam, "and I just brushed it off but this Clown here said I was just trying to fuck my way up."

"Ugh Adam, what's wrong with you." Ray groaned as I finished the story, "Tom is pretty known for having intercourse with almost all girls he meets, Y/n is attractive, what did you expect?"

"that doesn't make it right!" Adam suddenly yelled making me jump, "Y/n is not only your lead singer but also a human, stop treating her like she can't decide for herself. If she wants to have sex with Mr. kaulitz that so be it."

Wow, feminist Ray? I love this Ray.

"I'm just trying to protect my best friend." Said as he started to rub the back of his neck, he looked over at me with those puppy eyes I've grown to feel safe around.

"I'm sorry, Y/n. I shouldn't have said that to you." He apologized grabbing my hand in his gently rubbing the back with his thumb.

"I forgive you, but don't you ever do that shit again." He nodded and smiled at me, suddenly feeling a sense of relieve coming from him.

*^*^*

Soon the day of the shooting had come and Bill was sitting with me in my trailer, Anne was already busy doing my makeup while Bill was being Bill in the background.

"Before I forgot to tell you this, Toms gonna be here soon." My eyes widened as I stared at the black haired boy.

"Why?" I panicked making him laugh, "He's probably fucking some girl here, he told me he had business here." He said mindlessly while flipping through a magazine.

Oh ok so there's basically nothing to worry about. Right?

"We're going for a red wet look ok?" Anne asked me as she was putting a bright red lip tint on my lips. I hummed and smiled slightly as she told me smack my lips together to get it to go evenly.

"You're ready." Anne said as she stepped away letting me see my look,  she made my hair look wet by using gel, my lips were a bright red and so was the wing like eyeshadow. All around my face were small red gems glued to my face making me gasp.

"You out did yourself yet again Anne!" I giggled as I stood there in awe looking at my look.

I could feel Bill's eyes burn the back of my head as he was observing me. He had a small smile on his face as he stood up.

He turned me around and wrapped his arms around me, "You look gorgeous." I couldn't help but feel like my cheeks were on fire.

"Thank you, Bill." He nodded and patted my head, "Good luck."

*^*^*

"There's something missing." The director said, "We need something spicier." She spoke again.

We had done a few takes now for other songs and this one was one of the last songs we needed to do and the director wanted it to be perfect.

"Is there any man that would like to do a scene with Y/n?" My eyes widened as I looked over at Adam, silently telling him to do something.

"Uh ma'am can't we think of something else." The woman shook her head as she She had already made up her mind.

"You!" I followed her finger and saw- TOM? No. No. I WILL NOT.

"You look perfect for what I have in mind!" Tom was looking rough to say the least. His dreads looked like a mess, his pants was half pass his hips telling me he was in a rush to putting them back on.

Ah he did have some business here.

"Me? I'm not an actor." He tried to say but the director already pushed him over to me making him trip halfway to me.

I quickly grabbed his arm keeping him steady, he nodded out of appreciation and stood next to me.

"I don't think I have to ask if you're sexually active, sir?" He just smirked and played with the band of his pants. Fuck did he look good post nut.

"I am, ma'am. Wanna get in line?" She smirked at him before handing him her card with her number. When I tell you my jaw dropped when he winked at her and put the card in his pocket Im not joking.

"Well this pretty young lady is a virgin."

"Hey I've never said that!" I yelled out embarrassed, I could hear Bill laughing in the background.

"You didn't have to baby, it's obvious." Wow ok. Bitch.

"It's ok baby, he'll take good care of you."

"What the fuck, are we actually making porn?!" I heard Ben yell from the back as I heard Clair laugh her ass off.

Assholes. All of them. 

"What's your name darling?" She asked Tom, "Tom Kaulitz." She smirked.

"Well Tom, I need you guys to pretend to actually be sexually attracted to each other." She explained.

"Wouldn't be too hard for Y/n!" Ben yelled, which led to a loud "OW" from him a second later.

"You guys haven't had sex yet, the sexual tension is getting higher and higher. You guys need each other, you can't live without each other. You need that deeper connection. Tom's a fuck boy and you're that sweet innocent girl."

[zvtara-was-never-canon]

The Problem With The Southern Raiders

Brynn_Sasha191 asked: And what do you have to say about TSR episode as a whole? And how ZK shippers constantly refer and think of it as 'the Zutara episode'.

***

The episode itself is alright. Katara and Zuko looked cool as hell in their ninja outfits, sneaking around and being menaces. The scene of Katara choosing to bloodbend (and her horror after) were shocking. The moral of the episode ("Unnecessary violence is never the answer, BUT that doesn't mean people who wronged you are entitled to your forgiveness") is pretty good. Zuko looked like he gained some genuine understanding for Katara's situation, as well as respect for her mom, when he was told about how Kya's death happened. Plus the Sukka bit, and Zuko's reaction to it, was one of the funniest moments in the show.

The only thing that REALLY bothers me about it how it is the ONE time the show tried to sweep Zuko's mistakes under the rug. Katara was not mad at him because she was wrongfully "projecting" her grief over her mom, and her anger at the killer, on poor, innocent Zuzu.

She was mad because this entitled prince that had threatened the people of her village, tried to use her mom's necklace to blackmail her and then threatened to burn it, had been chasing her group all around the world, endangering them several times, to kidnap her best friend managed to convince her for five minutes that maybe there was some humanity to him - and then immediately helped his sister essentially win the war for the Fire Nation, and killing Aang. Then after Katara saved him, the same goddamn prince sent an assassin after them.

It doesn't matter that he was never fully evil, that he had understandable reasons to do what he did, that truly changed sides, and that he doesn't intend to ever do something like that again. Katara does NOT have to forgive him, and she sure as hell does not owe him her friendship, and it's not cool how the episode keeps allowing Zuko to act all entitled, without ever calling him out for it - and worse, activelly saying KATARA is the one in the wrong.

Plus, it's kinda fucked up that it's never acknowledged how Zuko, the guy who was disfigured and banished for wanting the soldiers of the Fire Nation to be treated fairly and with any humanity, and saw harming them for daring to OBEY ORDERS as an absolute betrayal, was willing to kill one of these guys for the crime of... following the Fire Lord's orders - which Zuko had also been doing mere WEEKS before.

Don't get me wrong, I can understand Katara being out for blood and not giving a shit about "well, if he didn't obey, he'd be traitor" when what he did traumatized her for life and made her grow up without her mom, but Zuko just seemed a bit hypocritical, and like he was betraying his beliefs there. It just doesn't make sense in my head that he wouldn't be thinking "What that guy did was fucked up, but I nearly got all of my current allies killed just a month ago because they were still enemies and it'd make sure my dad would not disfigure/banish me again or even kill me, it'd not be right of me to act like I can judge this guy"

But this one doesn't bother me as much since the whole point of that episode was for Zuko to unlearn all the awful "lessons" his father taught him by fully normalizing violence to him - and considering the finale showed us he was feeling sorry for Azula (hell, he was already giving off Concerned Big Brother vibes on the opening scene of TSR)  and was willing to spare even Ozai, I think it's safe to say he will never make that kind of mistake again (the comics are not canon, I don't care what anyone says).

So yeah, it's a deeply flawed, but entertaining episode that MOSTLY works - but it's NOT the "zutara" episode, not just because there's no romance there, but also because, if anything, 99% of it just shows how these two have the potential to bring out the absolute worst in each other, and that, at least until he genuinely started bonding with her during their mission) Zuko had no problem with playing the victim whenever Katara dared to be mad at him for doing horrible things that hurt her, the people she cared about, and innocents in general.

Thank God they grew as people AND have other friends that can pull them out of destructive spirals.

[your-queer-dad]

dad! I talked to the princapal and got the right name on some papers and also he said he’d talk to all the staff

later that day a different teacher came up to me and pulled me asided and asked me if she was the one who misgendered me she was really worried and said if she did she’s sorry and she asked if I was ok and stuff she’s alright sometimes I wish it was all the time

anyway back to the shitty teacher she’s just been avoiding me I think I haven’t heard her talk about me or to me the entire while

the principal said that none of this was on purpose but like bro she’s been screaming and misgendering and she’ll be super ableist and visibly homophobic not letting boys sit near eachother and saying how like boys can’t have stuffed animals and we’re to old for itshit whenever we’d bring toys to school but she lets the girls do it! and she’ll go on rants about how boys shouldn’t to this or be this etc and how girls can’t act like this blah blah blah and it’s like hell yeah she meant it the fuck

anyway she’s either lying to him or he’s covering for her either way this is annoying he kept trying to like idk smooth it over and it’s like dude I don’t need to be best friends with her just tell her to stop being a massive pile of shit

also I got my blood drawn and they kept deadnaming me and saying how oh well when you get your name legally changed then we can call you whatever you want. And it’s like sure but you could also call me my name right now motherfucker. My mom made a comment like only a couple more months because I’ll be turning eighteen soon and I called her out cause she does this thing where she pretends to be a good mom and a ally in public but actually she’s been keeping me from transitioning and she sent me terf books and called me a demon spawn and threatens me like all the time etc and then in the car after the appointment in the car I told her she’s making excuses for the nurses and they didn’t have to deadname me and then she got mad like really fucking mad and she went all quiet and started driving crazy like dangerous crazy she does that a lot and it’s a miracle she hasn’t gotten me in a car crash I’m at home now I know she’s not safe not just from the car thing just in general she’s violent and threatens a lot and she does this thing where when she gets mad she’ll grab the back of my neck real hard and drag me around like a damn rubber chicken I started walking behind her to avoid it so it hasn’t happened in a while but idk man everything really pisses me off this is all bullshit and I’m so sick of everyone just excusing it all you feel me also some girl at school keeps coming up behind me and squeezing my neck and it keeps fucking with me cause of what my mom does that girl keeps hitting on me to she won’t leave me alone and this always fucking happens dude she’s like threatening and making jokes about sexually assaulting me and I’m like bro??? The fuck?? My parents don’t care I’ll tell the principal if it gets worse but with the way he is he’ll probably be like oh she didn’t mean it she’s so young she was just joking try to be friends she’s just a little girl blah blah blah I hate how adults justify all this shit I just want someone to call it out or get mad on my behalf for once why won’t anybody ever defend me I’ve been dealing with this for eighteen years the same shit over and over from everyone I’m just a kid to and no one ever stepped in

Hey kiddo, I am so sorry you have all of that shit to deal with, that's awful. I'm really proud of you for telling the principal and that teacher came to check that they were being okay. How your mom treats you is awful and you don't deserve any of that. I am so sorry she has been doing that. You have so much awful things happening to you and it isn't fair, not at all.

- dad x

[romanarose]

Jake, Am I Gay?

OC (Sam Waters) x Platonic!Jake Lockley

Takes place in my SSSB Universe. Series is over but I think Sam deserves a little touch on what never really got resolved. Jake and Sam are besties, Sam is dating Marc and Steven. Takes place after the finale.

Summary: Jake is not expecting to be asked if the askee is bisexual.

Warnings: Coming out? Questioning? Both of them are coming out.

A/n: Spoilers for Highlander show from the fuck'n 90's I guess??

Jake had just got done shoving Sam's feet of him as she tried to prop them up on his thighs. He's a good friend, but he's not that good a friend.

Jake and Sam were finishing season 6 of Highlander and it was... awful. Sam through a fit when Tess died, life taking the throw pillow and smacking it on his head and after she got done crying kind of fit. Pissed enough that while Steven and Marc left Sam and Jake alone when they hung out to give then privacy,Steven sensed Sam's distress enough to come out and steal the pillow. When they realized it was just that stupid show, Steven wacked Sam with the pillow until Sam was giggling and the neighbors were banging on the walls for them to shut up.

The show was clearly trying to set up for an Amanda spin off, something Sam said was probably fucking awful but insisted they watch. Jake agreed. It wasn't really about the show, it was about spending time with Sam. Jake had never felt romantically inclined to her or anyone, and the agreement with the system was he could blow off steam sexually as long as he used protection.

Then she threw him a curveball, as she always did.

"Jake, am I gay?"

Never a moments peace with this one. He continued eating hot cheetos. "Yeah probably."

There was a short pause, then she turned to him, while he kept his eyes on the TV. "You didn't think to maybe relay that information to me?"

Jake shrugged. "We thought it was best yo figure it out yourself. Besides, if it makes you feel better, I was the last out of us bozos to connected those dots."

Sam scoffs. "Except my dad apparently." Turning back to the TV, she crossed her arms and pouted. Last month, Dave told her he thought she was a lesbian, which was the first Sam heard of the concept and the first time Jake considered the idea she liked women. Apparently, Marc and Steven have known for a while, what with the way she drools over Rosalie in Twilight and all.

Sighing, Jake grabbed Sam's feet and plopped them up on his legs. "Relaje, hermana. It takes a while for us to notice, even about ourselves. I think we were 30 by the time I noticed."

Silence, and then Sam spoke. "You're gay? Or Bi, or... what even are you? You never tell me any details."

"And I never will. You just have to worry about me falling in love with someone random, and Marc doesn't have to worry about me falling in love with you." He flicked her ankle, teasing Marc's jealous/possessive streak. "You don't tell me about you and Steven and Marc, I don't tell you about the men, women, and everything in between and beyond I sleep on my nights away."

Sam laughed at that, gigging with her arm still crossed. "Fair, fair."

The pair finished the episode and Jake thought it was over. But, just as he relaxed (and Sam knew when to strike.) She hoped up, leaned into Jake's ear and shouted, "Ha! GAYYYYYYYY." and proceeded to run off giggling before Jake even began to give chase.

A lil treat for my old SSSB readers, my first EVER MK series <3

Made for my Oscar/Pedro Pride event <3

tagging a few peeps who read it <3

@my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction @miraclesabound @poeedameronn @twistedboxy

[weaselbeaselpants]

Lorch opened her big stupid mouth again and decided to lean into "addicts are all awful and deserve to die" territory. How adorable.

My father functionally drank himself to death after he finally drove us away for good with his constant rage sessions, bouts of anger, stalking, suicide baiting and threatening us with guns, and all of this after a period of hightened emotional and verbal abuse we were subjected to after the death of my grandmother which lead him to self-medicate even harder than he already did throughout my whole life. I get really pissed at the idea that drugs, ANY drug or substance, can "save" you. It can't. You have to save you and self-medication can kill and does kill. It ruined my life because it ruined my dad's life and it ruined his immune system to where he died of bronchitis. I know from watching my dad's brother, my uncle, who did do HARD drugs and had the same issues as my dad, that hard drugs are easy to get into after you keep clearing hurtles to escape pain/feel higher, and then DANGEROUSLY hard to escape from. No Lily I didn't need Requiem for a Dream and Trainspotting to tell me that though I've heard from people that both those movies are disturbingly accurate about heroine, which is horrifying. No one should go through what happens in those stories and they sure as hell shouldn't be blamed/shamed/treated like 'filth' for being in that position at all.

The thing is, people are responsible for themselves. Not taking prescriptions right is bad. ALWAYS talk with a psychiatrist they are literally there to hear how you're doing on your drugs; never drink/smoke/toke and drive or handle machinery. It is absolutely not worth it get your friend or family to do it PLEASE even if they're annoying (at best) and chast you for that. If there's any way in which weed can directly kill you -Lily- it's through this. Wait till you're home; I'm not telling you this crap because I'm your mom, stranger on the internet reading this. I'm telling you this as a person with my own vices who lives around other people with their own vices; take care of yourself as best you can. You can do better, but you can never be perfect and that's okay. Don't abstain from stuff you can't quit but please be responsible. And godspeed to people dealing with addictions to hard drugs. I wish you the best - you can do it and as impossible as it may seem you will find the things you need in life to escape your pain without your addiction. I wish...so much that vibes and prayers and good thoughts could do more for you; especially the people dealing with drugs and homelessness right now which is SO MANY in my county alone. My government is screwing you over. You deserve to live and you ought to have your story told no matter what.

Anyway fuck you six ways to sunday Lily Orchard in the name of HUMANITY. You miserable, awful woman- wishing death and eugenic talk onto addicts for the crime of being an addict. You're the kind of person who doesn't just get uncomfortable+scoot away at a clearly tripping person on the bus, you actively say vile things abt them under your breath and scream at them if they even come near you. You have no empathy. I pray to god you never come across a homeless person. You must think the same backward garbage about them too.

Also speaking of vices and lecturing people on them, I find all this rich coming from the woman who wrote incest-laden cp left and right in her heyday, blames other people for it and very likely has accounts full of visual cp under your sockpuppets. I don't drink, smoke or take heavy drugs myself, Lily. But, just looking at what your good old friend Tara (who is not Sai. We both know this I don't even like Sai and I know it's not Sai) has hidden on the web I kind of want to now just to get those images outta my mind. "Quit at anytime/just NOT do the dangerous this" clearly doesn't apply to you. Predator.

[velvetvexations]

Thank you for allowing me to ramble, and my apologies for the length. You are free to delete this ask for any reason whatsoever, because it's essentially venting. I'm also going to stop bothering you after this because I imagine these long messages get tiresome.

Part of my strong emotions about this is personal investment. One of my dearest friends is a trans woman, a friendship that has lasted over 8 years by this point.

It's been several years since she realised she was a woman, and we accepted her as such, but at the time the group suddenly went from 9 men in their early twenties, to 8 men (7 of which are cis) and a trans woman. We were fucking AWFUL for doing casually/'sarcastic' misogyny jokes around her at the beginning.

But this thing happened where she started telling us how long these jokes had bothered her, that the jokes didn't feel sarcastic or ironic, but degrading, belittling, and threatening. Very quickly, the jokes stopped being funny. The jokes started feeling like we were cruel, or like deliberate attempts to hurt her or put her in her place. The laughter became halting and awkward, or came from one person who was met with silence. The guys, me included, started getting angry at each other when someone made a misogynistic joke, and publicly admonishing each other. She noticed the change, she noticed that we were trying, she noticed that her friendship and happiness was more important, more valuable, than being able to say a stupid fucking joke that hurt her.

Because a trans woman trusted us to treat her like an equal, because a trans woman knew she deserved respect, because a trans woman felt safe enough to tell everyone when we were awful to her, these jokes were eradicated. Whenever these types of jokes crop up, we STILL stamp it out AS it's happening. It's not tolerated.

There's these questions I ask myself when I look at the current discourse. Questions that fucking terrify me. Would she still have told us we were being shitty to her if she thought women were 'supposed' to suffer and be victims? Would she have thought degrading remarks or jokes was some indication that she was being treated like a 'real' woman? Would she have thought she 'deserved' it because she is a woman? Would she have just taken it, eventually cracked, and left? Would she still be alive if she did leave?

The point here is... I adore her. She's one of the best friends I've ever had. It shouldn't have been her responsibility to tell us we were being assholes, but we wouldn't have known if she didn't. It was our responsibility to listen and do better. We did. We still do. I'm grateful she didn't resign herself to the idea that being a woman equaled accepting being treated badly.

The discourse response would have been to immediately cut you off and never interact with any of you again even before you made the jokes simply because you were men and couldn't be expected to behave any better.

I appreciate you sharing your thoughts with me. Please feel free anytime you wish.

[mlfywsly]

Those Ocean Eyes

Summary: You were new at school and met a boy while watching your best friend rugby practise. Your friends talk to you about him and you know you shouldn't fall in love with him, but you can't help to.

Pairing: Harry Greene x OC!Fem

Warning: Strong language

A/N: My TikTok is full of that "Ocean Eyes" song (i'm not complaining btw) so I though of doing this :3

Not fair...

I entered through the school gate and someone hugged me. I hugged him back.

"I'm so happy you're here, Luna!"

I smiled

"Yeah, me too!"

"Come here, I will introduce you to the boys"

He took my wrist and we started walking until we reached a table with a group of people sat. They looked at us.

"So, these are Charlie, Elle, Tao, Isaac, Darcy and Tara"

I waved my hand a bit nervous.

"Guys, this is Luna. My best friend"

"Hey! Oh, Nick told us a lot about you" Elle said and she let me sit between her and Tao.

"He did? Bad stuff?"

"Of course" Nick said and I laughed

"And you're like... british? How did you met each other?" Tao asked

"Well... actually we know each other since we were babies" I laughed "Our mums are like... very close friends. We live pretty close"

"And why didn't you came to this school until now?" Charlie asked this time

"My dad's job. When I was like five we had to move to LA, so I went to school there"

"Really? Oh, that's so cool!"

"Did americans treat you well?" Darcy asked "I mean, they're pretty awful sometimes"

"Actually no, they're so sweet. At least they were so sweet with us"

"Oh, wow. So you're like... half american"

We keep talking until the bell rang and we have to go to our classes. At the end of the day Nick came to me.

"Hey, I was wondering... would you like to come to my rugby practise? The guys will be there too"

"Yeah, sure!"

"Great! I'll see you then"

I hugged him and I went to my house. I had lunch and around 5.30 p.m. I heard a knock on my door. I opened it and see Darcy and Tara outside.

"Hey! Nick told us that you were coming to the rugby practise. Wanna come with us?"

"We can wait until you're ready"

"Oh, yeah sure! Hold on"

I went upstairs to my room and put my shoes on. I put some make up and grabbed my handbag. I went downstairs and we leave. We arrived five minutes after and we sat down with the rest of the guys. The players started coming out and going to the rugby field. We started talking about everything when suddenly I watched to the rugby field and saw a boy standing next to Nick and smiling. My heart melted. He was so cute...

"Who's him?" I asked confused

"Who is who?"

"That guy next to Nick"

"Don't you even try it!" Tao shouted

I opened my eyes.

"What?"

"He's the most awful guy in the school. You better don't fall for him"

"I didn't fall for him, I don't even know him" I excused myself "I'm just asking because she like talking to Nick. Are they friends or something?"

"Yeah" Tara said "He's his best friend. But he is like the most homophobic dude out here. And he's like you know, that popular rich guy who actually doesn't even care about anything"

"Yeah, he's like one of those stupid bitches who make girls fall in love with him to bum them out. He's not worth it"

"Oh... I see..."

"So don't you dare to fall in love with him!" Tao said "He's not even pretty, so..."

"He's hot" I said "I mean... he may be an arse, but he's pretty hot"

"Luna!"

"Sorry! I'm not falling... I'm speaking facts"

He rolled his eyes while Isaac smiled watching at him.

"It's not even funny, Isaac"

"It is"

We started laughing and Tao sighted. When it was almost midnight when Harry and that guy came in. They said goodbye to each other and that guy left out, after looking at me. He had the most beautiful eyes I had ever seen. Fuck...

"Earth calling Luna... are you with us?"

I looked at them.

"What? What happened?"

"You gawp looking at Harry" Tao said

"Who's that?"

"That guy we were talking about... you said he was 'hot'"

"Oh..."

Nick laughed

"You really said Harry was hot? What's your problem?"

"Pipe down, mate, he is"

"So you like Harry?"

"How would I? I don't know him"

"So?"

"And I'm not into homophobic dudes"

"It works for me"

We arrived home and I said goodbye to them. I hugged Nick and I went to my dorm. I lay on my bed and all I can though about was that Harry guy. Shit... I grabbed my phone and looked for Nick's insta. When I found it I went to his followers and search for Harry until I found him. I started watching his insta and God, he was soo hot... I blamed myself for even think about it. I turn my phone off and got to bed. Next day, when I arrived school I sat next to Charlie.

"Hey! How did you sleep?"

"Fine" I said smiling

I looked over to one of the tables and saw him. He looked at me with his ocean eyes... I felt like dying. Then I realized what was actually happening and I couldn't believe it. I excused myself and go to the bathroom.

"This can't be happening! Calm down, Luna, calm down. He is just cute, but you're not falling for him, stop being so dramatic. You can think someone's cute without falling for him, right? And you can think someone had the most enchanting ocean eyes you had ever seen in your whole life without... falling for him, right? Right. We're cool, we're not falling for him and we will never. I can do better"

I washed my face and some tears began to fall down my cheeks. I was enchanted to had those ocean eyes looking at me...

You really know how to make me cry when you give me those ocean eyes

I went to my class and can't help but thinking the whole day about him. Stop it, Luna! At the end of the day I walked home with my friends.

"You know he is one of those bitches who bullied Charlie so hard. And not only Charlie, a lot of people more... and he think that's funny, to pick up on someone for no reason and destroy them just to laugh with his friends"

I looked down without saying nothing.

"You must stay out of his line. I mean, he will have no qualms about destroying you as well is he know you fell f-"

"I DID NOT FALL FOR HIM!" I shouted reaching my door with tears in my eyes "Please, stop saying that! I just said he was cute, that doesn't mean I fell for him! I don't even know him but I don't want to! He's awful, he's an arse, he's a fucking son of a bitch! I will never fall in love with someone like him, for God's sake, I have my principles!"

"Wow, I- I'm sorry..." he said with sadness

"I'm sorry for shouting, I just... I had a bad day, I need some rest. Sorry"

I entered to my house and run to my room. I sat on the floor and cover my face with my hands. I broke down crying. How could I fall in love with such an unpresentable dude like Harry? My legs started to bounced and my vision got blurred. I started shaking and I couldn't stop crying, it was hard for me to breath well. Fuck...

I grabbed my phone and texted Nick.

I'm scared...

Minutes later Nick entered to my room and sat next to me. He grabbed my hand and put it on his chest, while he put his hand on my chest. He asked me to breath with him and I do it. When I was calmed he hugged me.

"What happened, Luna? You scared me..."

"I'm scared..."

"You did fall for him, didn't you?"

I nodded crying and he hugged me.

"Don't worry... it's okay"

"No! It's not okay! He's awful, I can't just fall for him... I'm being unfaith to myself"

"Sweetie... you can't choose who to fall in love with"

"Not fair..."

"I know, but... that's how life works"

"I hate that"

We just keep that way for a long time until I fall asleep. The next weeks were even worse. I was always thinking about him in class, I couldn't even concentrate. I saw him everywhere and he looked at me sometimes with those ocean eyes... In the rugby matches or practises I kept watching at him. I decided to not deny that I had a crush on him for my mental health but I was still feeling guilty for fell in love with him. I get used to over time. I was starting to accept thst I fell in love with him and even if he was mean it was okay. After all, you can't choose who to fall in love with... I was hoping him to bummed me out so I can move on, but I knew it was gonna be hard. I never felt this way about any other guys I have been in love with.

I've never fallen for quite this high, fallin' into your ocean eyes...

Years kept passing, and now I was about to say goodbye to Nick because he was leaving to uni while I had to stay one more year on Higgs.

"CHARLIE SPRING!" Someone shouted

Me and Charlie started looking around until we saw Harry. My mind was about to blow with what we were seeing. Harry came to us dressed in a 12-years-old cheerleader costume. I was so miffed.

"Thoughts?"

Charlie looked at me confused and then looked at him.

"About the fort or about your thighs?"

I smiled to myself

"Both, mate"

"Both are great" Charlie said "Good job. Keep it up"

I didn't know what to think or react, so I didn't say anything at all.

"I knew the skirt was a good decision. I should do this more often"

"Definitely"

I shaked my head. Minutes later we found Nick and Charlie and him started talking about everything, honestly I felt a little left out, but who cares. Suddenly we heard a 'click' and a laugh. We turned around and see Harry holding Nick's camera, I smiled to myself.

"So bloody romantic" he said "I can't believe I'm gonna find a new couple to cockblock at uni"

"Did you literally just pickpocket me?" Nick asked surprised and annoyed

Harry winks and laugh at him before wandering away again. Nick shaked his head.

"He's so irritating..."

I smiled. At the end of the day I hugged Nick, I was going to miss him. I was about to walk back home when I search for Harry with my eyes. I find him looking at me with his bright eyes. He must been crying and I gave him a shy smile, he looked down and looked at me again. He smiled and entered to his bus. I sighted and let a few tears run out my eyes. I smiled again reminding of all the memories I had in the school, and of course he was in all of them, even if it were bad or good memories, he was there. I smiled thinking of my first love ever, he was my first love, even if he doesn't really knows me. Even if we were not able to have a chance together, he will always be stuck here. In my heart.

Those ocean eyes...

Masterlist

[toc-the-elder]

I forgot it's also the birthday of my former best friend. He was a Tumblr mutual. We were friends for nearly ten years. When I moved here from Qatar, the very first day in this country, I got on a train I had never used before and went all the way to Manchester to meet him. I celebrated my birthday with him a month and a half later. And I celebrated our shared birthday with him every year for eight years straight. We went to gigs together because he was the one person who would tolerate and even enjoy my bizarre niche metal nerd tastes. We hung out together, got trashed together, did drugs together, went to festivals together. I worked for his magazine for him. He got me into gigs, got me interviews with great and frankly massive bands. He got me albums to review weeks or months in advance. He was a good friend.

And then he introduced me to his friend. She seemed nice, I always liked her. And it turns out she always (inexplicably) liked me. And so after years of being friendly, we got together. And she was really very manipulative towards me, to the point where it still mentally fucks with me to this day. And eventually I hit breaking point and told her I'm trans. And she told me she wasn't a lesbian. Which, though it was nice she still considered me female by default, still stung. She told me that my best friend didn't really like me, he found me annoying, and he hated talking to me. And she was right. And I could tell. She has continued to be an awful friend to me, and has finally crossed the line when it comes to ignoring me. If she ever does bother to respond, I will block her. I will not be treated as some annoyance by her.

But after we broke up, he sided with her. I haven't spoken to him in years now. There wasn't any argument or goodbye. He just abruptly stopped messaging me. I lost contact with that entire friend group. It shrank my social circle from small to literally one person: Jack, who has stuck by me through my transition (though I didn't tell him till I was well on my way), and I will hopefully see him for coffee tomorrow.

But my former best friend is engaged now. He's living a nice happy normal life. I often wonder whether he's noticed my transition from my changes on Facebook. I wonder if he even cares. I'm probably so far in the past for him that I most likely don't even factor in to his news feed algorithm.

I'm miserable. I'm still miserable. But I'm happier now. And I turned out kinda hot. And he wasn't there. He stopped talking to me the second he got an excuse to. So yeah, I might be miserable, but at least I'm not bald. Happy birthday my former and oh so much balder best friend.

[astral-catastrophe]

I hate how this girl said I was her best friend.

Her best fucking friend in the whole fucking world.

Then the next I know. My simple question about her coming to a thing after class turned into an hours long argument over Snapchat because she was too much of a coward to say it in person. Or over text. A phone call. Snapchat. A place where her messages would be gone the second I saw them.

Then the way she switched between “you did nothing wrong” and. The “you did everything wrong”.

Then the. “Okay maybe I should have done a b and c.” But the phrasing and her perfectly posed self was a grab for me to immediately assure her she’s fine and did nothing wrong. I’ve seen her do it to others and explain it to me.

So I answered with a simple. “Yea. You should have.”

And so I stopped reaching out. It was always me who would reach out in the first place. So seeing that she won’t do the same and is clearly fine with her entire damned “friend group” angry with her over how she treated me? Everyone I showed her messages too said that no, I wasn’t crazy for seeing manipulation in her words. Because I was being actively manipulated through her sympathy pulls.

So. I was her best friend. But now that I told her how I felt about the crap she’s pulled, that’s five years down the drain.

Five years. Five whole years??

I meant so little to her that she would rather hang out with exclusively her boyfriend and not her actual friends, just because I’m me.

Just because I am who I am. Just because I decided I wouldn’t stand for any shit from anyone.

All because I asked if she was coming to something after school.

I hate the whole victim mentality stuff. Like. I can see. Did I say things I should not have? Oh probably, but did I say it in defense? Did I say it because I’ve been trying to live by my brutal honesty? Did I say it because I was tired of being treated like that? Did I say it because I’ve had too many awful friends?

Did I say all that because I hadn’t talked to someone who claimed to be my best friend in over a month because she wouldn’t make efforts to meet me halfway?

I spoke from a position of someone who wanted their friend back and only tried to defend themself.

Should I have told her that it’s upsetting that she never makes the effort to be around any of us anymore? I’m not sure.

But she shouldn’t have blown up on me for a simple question. She created a problem, singled herself out, then took out all her issues on me. We were best friends, as you claimed. So fucking explain why I haven’t properly seen or talked to you since the beginning of November, which was three ish weeks before this all went to hell. If we were best friends, you wouldn’t have abandoned me for a boy you’ve known for nine months now.

Nine months, verses five years. She wanted me as her maid of honor to her wedding with this guy. She wanted me to help wedding plan.

We’re still kids. I refuse to take part in that.

Especially since the last time I saw her it was in the hallway between classes. She excitedly came up to me, acting like nothing was wrong. My fight or flight kicked in and I booked it because the anxiety was so so high from an out of character moment.

But I hate myself for wondering if I want her back. I hate myself because no matter what I said the outcome would have been the same. Because no matter what I’ll do or could have done it’s always gonna be her boyfriend over me. I’m the second choice. The fallback.

Do I really want her back over the nights I’ve spent near hysterics. It’s almost five am and I’ve been up for hours anxiety ridden and thinking through so much.

Do I want her back after her manipulating me? Would I be able to look her in the eye without seeing the “I have an issue with you acting like I'm the bad person” and the “I know you do care. But I haven't heard a single fucking word until today” and the “And then you blowing up on me for not communicating. I stopped trying to communicate because when I do I barely get a response” ?

I communicated more to her than I did to anyone else. Anyone else. I dropped things I wanted to do to see her. I didn’t blow up. I only asked a simple question.

Am I horrible for asking a question, then defending myself when being accused of stuff that’s not true? Because oh man. I shouldn’t have said a word. Next time I’ll keep my silence because my words are too sharp and too true for people to handle.

[fhs-event-week]

Propaganda for Camoy:

Sun and moon WLW vibes. Cami is cold and secretive, only interacting with the people around her to further her goals, too blinded by her detachment to even realize her friends actually like her- while Joy is warm and open, doing her best to be nice to the people around her, caring very deeply about her friendship with the rest of the Toys. And that's without getting into the fact that Joy is one of Cami's victims! Lots of drama and intrigue with this one.

Propaganda for Golwyn (Under the cut for lenght):

MY PARENTS (too). Another couple with a very beautiful color palette bc UGH i just love them. THE POTENTIAL. If you're a golden lover this is just free angst and that's great and if you're an owynn lover it's peak comedy. Owynn first hating on Golden and all his group and then slowly getting a crush??? Him being insane about it???? Im in love. Owynn's in love too. Im crazy and he is too. This can end in such a tragic way or be beautiful. Can golden fix Owynn?? Or will Owynn corrupt golden?? Doomed yaoi is just so tasty to me im sorry (Submitted by anonymous).

golwynn. where do i start. what if you were a kid who people thought was so weird and fucked up that no one wanted to be friends with you. what if you were a kid who was always treated like an adult from a young age having your childhood stolen away from you to the point you weren't allowed to have friends. what if you both turned out very differently yet both crave for affection in a very similar way.

what if owynn tried to use golden for his influence to win the competition, and maybe to do even more than that, maybe to use his spotlight to get the adoration he'd always longed for. what if owynn tried to take advantage of golden after he ran away from his family by giving him shelter and being nice to him to gain his trust.

what if owynn realized that for his plan to work, golden had to go back to his family and his fame again, so he tries to convince him to do so. what if this resulted in a heartfelt confession from golden explaining he wasn't comfortable with his life before and going in depth about how he wished he had a normal life growing up as a kid, telling owynn that he appreciates his friendship since he hadn't had real friends until not too long ago, when he joined the school.

what if owynn realized they were more similar than he thought. what if owynn decided to start genuinely caring for golden like he wished people would've cared for him when he was younger. what if they had an unexpected yet beautiful friendship where they bonded about their difficult upbringing as kids, both understanding that they had misjudged the other.

but... what if golden found out owynn's original intentions? what if he found out all of the awful things he had done for attention before and all the things he'd planned to do for attention in the future?

maybe owynn tried to explain to golden that he changed him, that for the first time he felt that he didn't have to manipulate people into liking him, despite this being what he had done to golden so he could gain his trust. maybe owynn told him that even though his friendship started as fake, only seeing golden as a means to an end to achieve his plan, he started genuinely deeply caring for him and wanted to become a better person after seeing how different golden had turned out from him despite having the same problem although for different reasons.

and maybe golden tried to understand, really wanting to think that all of the stuff owynn was saying was true, but how could he know that wasn't also a lie? maybe golden really tried to shine a light on owynn's motives but thought that his feelings didn't excuse his actions. maybe, deep down, he knew what owynn meant about not having friends and that some are not as lucky as to not lose their sanity over it. maybe he knew that their circumstances were so similar, yet so different. and maybe, even though he tried, he just couldn't forgive him. and what if, after that, owynn was just... left there. what if golden just went over to live with fox instead and both him and the rest of the animatronics pretended for good that his friendship with owynn never happened. what if owynn ended up thinking he finally had someone who truly understood how he felt and why he acted the way he did only to be left feeling as if golden had made his dead heart come back to life only to then rip it off his chest and take it with him, leaving, never to be seen again (Submitted by anonymous).

[semper-legens]

94. Untamed, by PC and Kristin Cast

Owned: No, library Page count: 411 My summary: Zoey Redbird is in a nightmare. Her friends have deserted her, the three boyfriends she had yesterday have been reduced down to none, and her undead dead best friend is now a real, bloodsucking vampire. Oh, and her best frenemy Aphrodite is almost nice now, which is another flavour of confusing. But Zoey has no time to regroup. There’s a war on the horizon. And an ancient evil is set to rise... My rating: 0/5 My commentary:

Well, I've procrastinated on this series long enough. Time to force myself back through another House of Night book! This series is, and continues to be, completely awful. Who's surprised? The series has meandered around for a while, but now we seem to be getting something approaching an actual plot, which has its ups and downs. On the one hand, things are actually happening! On the other hand, the things that are happening are bugfuck stupid and I'd rather be reading near-literally anything else right now. Why am I still forcing myself through these books? One part sunk costs fallacy to one part stubbornness. I'm determined not to let these books break me. So, without further ado..we dive once more into this pile of shit.

First, let's talk Zoey. Who, once again, is getting everything handed to her on a silver plate. Her instincts are always right, she can call all five elements to her, and Nyx tells her explicitly that she's special and beloved and can always trust her gut. Good people like her, bad people hate her. There's no tension, because she doesn't need to struggle for anything! She starts the book sans her friends, boyfriends, and credibility. Does she have to fight to regain all that she had despite all parties having very valid reasons to be pissed at her? Does she fuck! She tells her friends why she didn't mention the whole 'Stevie Rae is alive' thing to them, and they just...accept it and her back into the fold without an ounce of resentment. She spends the whole first act moping that her friends don't like her any more, then the second they forgive her and invite her to hang with them that night, she turns them down! They return to being one-note auxiliary characters who blindly follow Zoey.

Speaking of, let's talk about them for a second. They're Mean Girls cold to Zoey at the start, then blindly accept her back after being told 'actually you were wrong to shun me, nyeh'. Shawnee and the other one are still basically nonentities. Damien's only character trait is being gay (and liking 'long words', most of which are normal words that Cast appears to not think teens use?). Jack, Damien's boyfriend, also is just gay, in the sense that he's a sensitive, mincing stereotype. Every time he had dialogue I just wanted to vomit. (Oh, and it's notable for all the hamfisted 'being gay is okay!' messaging, we never really see Jack and Damien being romantic with each other - if we weren't told they were dating it would be impossible to tell.) And then there's the two vaguely interesting ones, Aphrodite and Stevie Rae. We're told repeatedly that Stevie Rae is different now, that her being leader of the red fledgelings has changed her somehow. All I'll say is that it would have been nice to see this change, rather than just be told about it. Defrosting ice queen Aphrodite is just as one-note as the other characters - the narrative still treats her as evil for *checks notes* being sexually active, but the real thing with her in this one is that she's developed a poor-little-rich-girl narrative. Boo hoo, her parents don't love her and she has more money than sense. That's not character depth, that's backstory detail. Ugh.

Part of the forward plot of this one involves a new kid to the House of Night - Stark. Like most of Zoe's friends, he's got an exceptional gift. In his case, he can never miss when firing his bow, even when his target is metaphorical. He won an archery contest when he was focusing on hitting the bullseye of his target to win, but the arrow flew to his opponent's heart, killing him. The opponent was also his mentor, meaning that Stark went into an angst spiral. See, he's a tortured hot boy. And he swore off archery, but feels physical pain when he doesn't practice. So brooding! So deep! Zoey, of course, falls for him in about 0.3 seconds, which means that when he dies after 0.5 seconds, she's broken up. Despite not even knowing him a full day, she keeps claiming they had a special connection and were so close and she was in love with him. Girl, you knew him for five minutes! This is the point I keep making about these books and pacing - everything happens so damn fast. There's no room for any character arc to happen at a realistic pace, the whole book series so far has taken place over the course of a couple of months. It should have been at least a year, given how much has happened. But no, the narrative needs them to be So In Love, so they are. Bluh.

Aaaaaand finally, the cherry on top of this shit cake - racism! Zoey has Cherokee heritage, and her grandmother is Cherokee. Mostly this has been used to make Zoey extra Special to this point. She uses smudging in her rites, and part of her special connection to Nyx seems to be that Nyx is also a Cherokee mother goddess. I don't know anything about Cherokee culture and traditions, but at the same time I'm willing to bet that this is not it. I don't think the Cherokee have a mother goddess as the supreme being? That seems more like a neo-Pagan thing, though I could be wrong. When Zoey's grandmother is badly hurt, she ends up in a Catholic hospital; she wants a Medicine Man with her, but the hospital won't allow it, so Zoey sends in a nun she'd befriended earlier. It's interesting that the second that the story could focus heavily on Cherokee belief, it retreats back into Christianity. PC Cast is a white woman, by the way, as far as I can tell.

And then...there's a prophecy that an evil spirit called Kalona will reappear, and is heralded by creatures called the Raven Mockers. The Raven Mockers are a real thing from Cherokee mythology; they're called Kalona Ayeliski, which is presumably where Cast got the name Kalona from. At least according to what I can find online, real Raven Mockers prey on the dying (you know, like ravens eating corpses) and can only be driven off by a medicine man. Here, Zoey can do it through Nyx's power, and the Raven Mockers act more like banshees than anything else. Oh, and Kalona himself? Described as being a 'fallen angel' who raped women and was defeated by a maiden made of earth, who trapped him underground after luring him in for sex. I doubt this is legitimate. Because the idea of fallen angels is, in fact, a Christian one. It seems that Cast just wants to take the trappings of Cherokee identity, but not to engage with actual Cherokee people or culture, just using it to say 'well Native Americans are magic and mystical, therefore I can just make up whatever I want'. Much like another terrible vampire romance of the era. I'm gonna carry on with this series to the bitter end, though, just watch me. Buuuuut I'm gonna read some good stuff first.

Next up, the highs and lows (get it?) of being an air ambulance doctor.