#or mitch truly just. drags everyone into everything he loves until they love it too but.

[3416]

thinking again about this.

"their favorite restaurant" ... and how in the 2020 pandemic leaf to leaf with mitch/steph and justin/audrey... justin asks if mitch is taking steph out on a special date.. to a place she loves... where would they go. and mitch goes "i hope i'm right."

the thoughts are never ending.

[theonewiththefanfics]

Because Hearts Get Broken (Part 1/3)

Synopsis: When your whole life you’ve been taught to push your feelings away, it’s hard to open up, even to the people you trust most. And sometimes what you give isn’t enough.

Pairing: Harry Styles x fem!Reader

Genre: angst

Warnings: sad. just angsty and sad. swearing; emotionally closed reader

Word count: 2904

Y/N had never been the kind of person who talks about her feelings. It didn’t matter if it was friends or family; her mindset was – they’re my problems, so you don’t have to worry your head about it.

        In relationships, it wasn’t any better, in fact, it was kinda worse. It was extremely difficult for the girl to open up to her partner, which in turn she’d let so many possible relationships pass her by. Not to mention, when she was in one, they slowly deteriorated because of her inability to share with them. Which is why it didn’t come as much of a surprise when it happened between her and Harry. 

        Somehow unconsciously Y/N had been almost preparing herself, preparing her heart for it to break. When he walked inside his place, she’d been there to prepare them a meal in. They’d both had a stressful couple of weeks with Harry starting off on a new album endeavour, while Y/N’s boss was practically threatening to rip her head off, as she scrambled to finish everything, even though the deadlines were months away.

        It just all kind of came crashing down on her when her boss suddenly called her up, telling her to rush back to the office, and when Y/N asked if it could wait until the morning, the ultimatum came that if she wanted her job, she’d do it then and there. 

        “Hey.” She hadn’t heard Harry come in, only noticed it when his arm wrapped around her shaking shoulders. “Hey, shh, come ‘ere.”

        Slowly, he laid the two of them down, letting her head be tucked beneath his chin, as his palm rubbed soothing circles on her back. “ ‘S gonna be okay, dove. ‘S gonna be alright. Come on, now.”

        They laid like that for about five minutes, until Y/N pushed her face away from Harry’s chest and laid her cheek there, taking in a few short, shaky breaths, and steadying herself by placing her palm on his chest and feeling the steady thuds of his heart. 

        “Wanna talk about it?” he muttered in her Y/H/C locks, placing a soft kiss to the crown of her head, but she sighed, shaking her head no.

        “ ‘S fine. Overreacted.”

        “You were sitting on the couch, crying and hyperventilating, dove. Obviously, something’s wrong.”

        “Harry,” Y/N let out a long breath. “Can you please just let it go? It’s nothing major. If it was, I’d tell you.”

        “Would you though?” The whisper went almost unnoticed, but Y/N did hear it, and it made her eyebrows furrow and push herself up from where they’d been nestled together.

        “What’s that supposed to mean?”

        “I mean.” Harry bit the inside of the cheek. “When is the last time you ever told me what’s bothering you? Like really, truly made you upset?”

        “What are you implying?” Y/N’s voice had gone steely, almost emotionless, as her brain pretty much screamed ‘it’s happening’.

        “How can I help you when you don’t let me in?” His gaze was pleading, as his hands grasped onto her cheeks.

        “You’re not supposed to.”

        “Pardon?”

        Y/N sighed and stood up from the couch, letting his touch fall away. “You’re not supposed to. They’re my problems to deal with, not yours, so you’re not supposed to help me. And there’s nothing to help me with.”

        “Do you not trust me?”

        “Of course, I trust you,” she scoffed as if it was the most ridiculous question in the world. “What does that have to do with anything?”

        “How are we supposed to be in a relationship, if you don’t trust me?”

        “I dunno,” Y/N whispered hugging herself. Sometimes she hated how her brain worked, but it was inevitable, right? It always came to this, so why not be the bad guy in the situation. “Maybe we’re not supposed to then.”

Harry was more than stunned at her reply. Not once during their relationship, he'd thought that her immediate reaction to a problem would be to immediately dismiss their love. "You - you don't mean that."

"Well," Y/N sniffled wiping at her cheeks where new tears were trailing down, "maybe I do. Maybe this whole thing was a mistake. I mean they do say the first year is spent with rose-coloured glasses on, right? 'S time to take 'em off."

        “So that’s it? You’re giving up just like that?”

        “What do you want me to do?” Y/N exasperated throwing her hands up. “It’s the way I am, and I can’t change that. And if you can’t accept it, then yeah, maybe I am giving up just like that.”

        Harry shook his head in disbelief. “I –,” he stammered, “I can’t believe this.”

        “What do you want from me, Harry?”

        “To fight!” He was practically yelling at this point, hoping to see some kind of emotion on Y/N’s face. “To let me in! To – to – fuck! To start trusting me!”

        “I do trust you!”

        “But not enough to trust me with your heart.”

        A deafening silence fell over both of them because without needing a confirmation, Harry knew he’d struck gold. God, how he wished he hadn’t, but the numb expression Y/N's face morphed into told him enough.

        “I’m giving you what I can.” Y/N’s voice was quiet, resolute. “And if that’s not something you can accept, then this is it.”

        Now Harry was the silent one. But sometimes you don’t need words to say everything you mean. 

        “Okay then.” She nodded, went to the mantlepiece and took her clutch. “I’ll see ya around, I guess.”

        And with that Y/N walked out of Harry’s apartment without a glance back. 

***

        Two and a half months later and he still couldn’t understand how everything had gone so wrong. He was at the New Year party, and Y/N was there too, courtesy of Sarah, who was their mutual friend and hosted it each year. This one was a lot more intimate, seeing as the pandemic, though contained, was still raging on, so only the closest and most important people in her life had been invited. Sarah'd been actually the one who introduced the two. Well, more so given them a shove in the right direction. A literal one at that.

        The night had been absolute chaos and became an even bigger one when Y/N entered his life, Harry recalled. Drinks were flowing, bodies were moving in an erratic rhythm, most of them completely unaware of how the music boomed while voices shouted the incorrect lyrics and glasses clinked as everyone celebrated the upcoming year, buzzing with excitement as they waited for the countdown. That’s when Sarah, pulling a woman by her arm stormed towards Harry and pushed her into his chest.

        “Do not let her leave your sight!” she’d hollered over the music, as Harry blinked at his drummer. “And you!” Sarah pointed at the woman, who giggled, hiding behind her champagne glass and slinking further down Harry’s frame, so much so, he had to grab onto her armpits otherwise she would fall. “Behave for at least five minutes! I need to check up on Mitch before he decides vodka would be a good addition and completely destroys the room.”

        With that Sarah was gone, brown hair swishing in a high ponytail, leaving Harry confused and concerned as this stranger snickered behind Sarah’s back, showing her tongue like a child would.

        “Umm,” he started not really knowing what to do. “You alright there?”

        “ ‘M Y/N.” She leaned up with as much grace as a drugged-up cat, spun around to face him and extended her hand to him, and he took it, giving it a firm shake. “And I might be a lil’ bit drunk.”

        A chuckle escaped his lips. “You don’t say?”

        “I do.” Y/N nodded confidently about her statement as she swayed on her feet. Harry had to grab her by the shoulder for the woman to remain somewhat upright. “And when I’m drunk, I thrive on chaos.”

        “Is that why Sarah shoved you to me so I can babysit you?”

        “See, she just doesn’t appreciate me and my talents. She thinks that I’m ‘unreliable’.” Y/N put the word in quotation marks, and in doing so, half her champagne spilt out of the flute. “And she thinks I need ‘supervision’.” There went the other half. “Honestly, it’s Sarah that needs to be looked after. It’s not me that set the curtains on fire.”

        But the look on her face told Harry something different, and a smile bloomed on his face. “You set the curtains on fire?”

        “I just told you, I didn’t.”

        “Yes, well, your face is telling me a different story.”

        Instantly Y/N facepalmed. “Stupid face. Can’t keep in check. Listen, the curtains were just…” She waved her hand around. “In the way of the flame. ‘S not my fault they’re made from such flammable material. Should’ve gotten more fire-resistant curtains, if you ask me.”

        “Note taken – don’t let you near anything that can be set on fire or is fire.”

        Y/N scoffed and gave Harry a side-eye. “As if you can tell me what to do. I shouldn’t even be talking to you.”

        “And why's that?”

        “Stranger danger.” Y/N wagged her free index finger in Harry’s face accentuating each syllable.

        “Well then, let’s not be strangers.” He extended his hand just as Y/N had and waited until she took it. “ ‘M name’s Harry.”

        “Good to meet you, Harry. Now, Sarah said nothing about not letting me dance, so come on! I love this song!” she exclaimed, making Harry throw his head back in laughter as she dragged him to the middle of the room, bodies grinding against them, but it didn’t really matter. Not when Y/N made Harry feel as if it was just the two of them in the world.

        “Do you now?”

        “Yes! Especially when he does the ‘da – dananana da – dananana’ part.” Her eyes went wide with excitement and pride. “Sarah’s in this song as well! She's the drummer!”

His eyebrow quirked up in amusement. Y/N clearly had no idea who she was talking to, and he was kind of loving her for it. Most of the time, as flattering as it was, it could become quite taxing when people recognised you with every step of the way. He wasn’t really allowed to have his smile leave his face, nor was he allowed to stay too lost in his thoughts, needing to be on constant alert if someone asked something.

But Y/N seemed to not care, and something in Harry told him – she wouldn’t care about it if she knew the truth.

        “Wanna hear a secret?”

        Y/N gasped, eyes twinkling in the disco ball light. “Of course! I love secrets.”

        “I’m Harry!”

        “I know you’re Harry. You said it already.”

        Her confused face made his smile widen even more. “No, I mean I’m Harry. Harry Styles. This is my song.”

        And then it dawned on her inebriated brain. “Ooh. You’re Harry Styles!”

        “Yeah.” 

        “Good for you then!” And she put up her hand in a high-five, and he couldn’t leave her just hanging like that, belly-shaking laughter erupting from him before he weaved their fingers together and spun her around.

        That night had been one of the best New Year’s he’d ever had. Throughout the hour before the clock struck 12, she’d sobered up enough that when Harry asked if he could kiss her, she was coherent and could say yes. It’d been the best kiss of their lives by that point.

        But now, seeing Y/N walk around Sarah’s apartment a smile on her face that he recognised to be fake, and laughter ringing in his ears that he knew wasn’t true, made him look back at that night and wonder if she’d been truly happy then.

        She definitely seemed to have been, fuck, Harry hoped she was happy for at least some of it; that when Y/N said she was alright, she’d truly meant it, otherwise, he had no idea what he’d do with himself, but in all honesty, despite the fallout between the two, what he wished was for her to come back. To give him the slightest glimpse into what worried her. That would be enough. 

        In the beginning, Harry supposed, it was his own fault. He’d thought Y/N was just strong, she was so level-headed that whenever something was wrong, it was tackled immediately and righted that exact second, but in truth, it was just hiding, putting on a performance and living through a smile that was a complete lie. 

        He saw Sarah lean into Y/N and whisper something in her ear before her head snapped in Harry’s direction, Y/E/C eyes meeting his. He then watched her let out a breath, give Sarah a small smile and look at him once more before approaching, Harry’s own back straightening out as she opened the balcony door and entered his space. 

        She was a vision, a black and gold glitter romper covering her body, cinched at the waist with a solid gold-colour metal band, while the sleeves fluttered off in a ‘Morticia Addams’ style, as Y/N liked to call it, with her hair out of the way of her face in a simple knot at the base of her neck. Easy to make and easy to take out.

        “Bobby pins are the creations of the Devil,” she’d muttered one night after they’d gone to some Hollywood event. Harry couldn't even remember what it'd been for, most of his focus on making sure his date was alright.

One by one she'd untwisted and twirled the metal pins out of her head. “Fucking, scraping my brain from the outside of my skull.”

        Harry had chuckled, untying the lace front of his blouse style shirt. “Wanna massage?”

        The affirmative groan made him grin like a child on Christmas.

        Y/N was the one to break the silence, after having her eyes rake over his own form. A fitted chequered suit paired with a simple dress shirt and chequered moccasins. One of the tamer looks for him, but he wasn’t feeling very festive this year. 

        “Hey.” 

        Harry sighed, putting his hands in his pockets. “Hi.”

        God, how had everything become so fucking awkward between them?

        “How,” she cleared her throat, “how are you?”

        “Honestly?” Harry wanted to spit out the ‘I’m fine’, the line that was so overused by her it’d lost its meaning, but he couldn’t. He’d always been an open book, especially with Y/N, so he told her the truth. “I’m hurting.”

        “Harry…” Her eyes met the floor unable to hold his green gaze.

        “Every day I wake up, and I’m in pain. And it’s not getting easier. And it won’t. Not for a long while.”

        “I’m sorry.”

        “I don’t want you to be sorry.” He laughed even though he didn’t mean it. “I just wanted you to talk to me. You know I’d never judge you.”

        “It’s not about that…”

        “Then what is it?” Harry snapped. “Because I’m at a fucking loss here. Have been for the past two and a half months.”

        “It’s not easy when…” Y/N actually bit down on her tongue to not let the words out. She took in a calm, collected breath; then she continued. “It’s not easy to open up like you want me to when my whole life I’ve been taught to just push it down. Push it away, forget about it. I don’t know a different life. That’s my normal, that’s what I know. I know you wouldn’t have judged me, you’re not that kind of a person. But it’s not even about that. It’s… it’s… why couldn’t you have just left everything at ‘I’m fine’?”

        “Because I don’t want to be fine,” he said, sad eyes looking right through her, right through to Y/N’s being. “I – I wanna be great, and ecstatic and fucking exhilarated or hurting or sad, even devastated. I want to feel things. And I want to share them with the person I trust most. I wanna share them with you. And I want you to share your emotions with me too. It’s not your job to carry the weight of the world on your own. That’s what a partner is there for.”

        Y/N broke away from Harry’s eyes given how her own were now lined with tears that threatened to slip down her cheeks. She sniffled, using the sleeve of her romper to press against her nose. 

        New Years. When the previous one had started off with so much love and hope and laughter and the new one seemed to only show it had tears and heartache ahead. God, this was the worst holiday in existence.

        “Ten, nine, eight,” the people inside counted down.

        “Y/N, please.” One last try. He had to.

        “Seven, six, five.”

        She just shrugged. “I don’t know how to be different."

        “Three, two, one! Hap–“

        “Happy New Year, Harry.” Y/N leaned up and pressed a lingering kiss against his cheek. “I hope you find someone who can love you the way you deserve to be loved.”

        With hands in her pockets, she retreated leaving him standing alone on the balcony, but right as she was about to close the sliding door, he spoke up.

        “I had.”

        That made Y/N spin around, cold air hitting her face just as harshly as the truth that spilt past his lips.

        “Only she didn’t trust that I loved her the same.”

Tags (crossed out wouldn’t take):

Forever tags: @lumelgy @palaiasaurus64 @supernaturalbaesduh @breezy1415 @crazy--me @thatawkwardlittlefangirl @sea040561 @staryeyedgirl @deathbyarabbit @s-c-a-r-e-d-po-t-t-e-r @reblogger-not-a-blogger @m-a-t-91 @dalilx @i-need-a-hero-i-need-a-loki @maladaptive-ninja-returns @averyrogers83 @in-the-end-im-still-trash @gallifreyansass @dewy-biitch @avxgers @unlikelygalaxygiver @magicwithaknife @ollyoxenfrees @bnhvrdy @tvwhoresblog @celebsimagines @thatkindofgurl​ @sj-thefan​ @teenwolflover28 @lestersglitterglue​ @im-squished​

A/N: Part 2? maybe??

P.S. my tags are always open :)

[celestialrry]

heart of gold

(this is like a pt.2 to gold rush, also very loosely based off Heart of Gold by Neil Young)

Based off this request!: Aww I loved gold rush!! I lowkey could see a part 2 somewhere down the line.. kinda like time stamps of their relationship... like when they started dating, when their families find out, etc. but that’s just me being greedy 😂😂 love your work!

Thank you so much for asking! Give me more requests! (I strictly write for the readers so I won’t put any names or anything)

2.8k

summary: Harry and you get closer than you both ever thought was possible.

warnings: mentions of alcohol consumption, mentions of sex, fluff

Christmas Eve & Day

After the two of you officially dropped all hate towards each other it was a bit awkward. You both walked back into the living room to join everybody, who seemingly enough, was oblivious that the two of you were on good terms now. This was because you both didn’t say much to each other at all. It had been insults upon insults for the past 3 years or so, and you had no idea what to say. You had to stop yourself from pointing out when he made a mistake in monopoly, and he had to bite back words about the way you were drinking your  wine, even though there wasn't anything wrong with it, he actually found it quite cute. Soon enough, you and your mom had decided to go back home as the snow was building up and it was already almost 10 p.m. You hugged Anne and Gemma goodbye, hesitating before giving Harry a quick hug to which he was pleasantly surprised by. You went home, and all you could think about wasn't how annoying Harry was, but how much you overlooked him. Because lets be honest, you always found him attractive to say the least, and now that you didn't hate him anymore he somehow got hotter. 

After you woke up the next morning and exchanged a few gifts with your mom, both changing into the Christmas pajamas you got each other, you sat at the table, eating the pancakes the two of you had made. You savored the sweet taste of the syrup, and laughed as the two of you sang horribly to Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree. A knock at your door made the two of you almost break your necks turning towards the noise. “I’ll check.” You mumbled, standing up and taking a sip of your water before scurrying to the door. You opened it to see Harry bundled up standing outside, his nose and cheeks tinted pink from the cold. 

“Oh my god, Harry.” You said, pulling his arm and dragging him inside your house. “What are you doing? It’s below freezing outside.”  You asked him, brushing some snow off of his sleeves. 

“I have a present f’you.” He smiled, his dimples popping up, looking you up and down, “I like your pajamas.”

 You smiled at him and bit your lip in an attempt to not roll your eyes. You were about to bite back but then your brain processed his words and your jaw dropped and your brows lowered in frustration. “I- I’m so sorry Harry, I didn’t know we were doing presents, I don't have one for you.” You looked into his eyes. 

“Wasn't expecting’ one, love,” Your cheeks heated up at his words, he never called you that before. He reached inside his jacket and pulled out a little red box, wrapped in a tiny golden bow. “Here.” 

You gently grabbed it out of his hands and looked at it for a moment before looking back to Harry. He was smiling, but you could tell he was nervous from his shaking hands. Or maybe they were still cold, but you wanted to believe the former. 

“Do you want me to open it now? Or-” 

“Y’can open it later, plus I have t’get back to m’mum and Gems, but uh, yeah.” He rushed out. 

“Okay, thank you Harry, it means a lot,” You said, hesitating before pecking him on the cheek again. “Merry Christmas.” 

“Merry Christmas.” He smiled like a fool, giving you a hug before waving a goodbye and stepping out of your house.

You didn't have but two seconds before you turned around to see your mom grinning at you. “What was that?” She asked, even though you knew for sure that she listened to the entire conversation. 

“Um, I don't know.” You shrugged honestly.

New Years Eve 

You looked at your phone buzzing and smiled, picking it up. 

“Hey H.” You said, rotating the ring on your right middle ringer with your thumb. It was silver, with little bears in the detailing. “Hey love, was jus’ wondering if y’wanted to go to a little party with me tonight. It’s at m’friends house.”

Your eyes widened. “Um, yeah sure,” You said, cursing yourself for agreeing too quickly. “Can you send me the address?” You asked. It was only 9 a.m. but still.

“No need, m’gonna pick you up and take y’home and all that stuff.” He said through the phone and you bit back a massive grin. 

“Oh, thank you.” You said, holding your hand out and looking at the ring he got you for Christmas. when you opened it with your mom the second after he left you were surprised to say the least. It was too expensive for you, after your mom recognized it as Gucci, and you had called him afterwards to thank him profusely, after getting his phone number off of the little slip of paper that came in the box as well, with the small note “To being friends :) text me!”

“The least I can do, pet. Send m’your address? I’ll pick y’up 8 sharp.”  

You berated yourself for loving the pet name he gave you, and said you would, as well as thanking him again to which he scolded you for being so nice. After your goodbye’s you hung up, looking at the blank contact photo. I should take one for it tonight, you thought. After you texted him later on Christmas Day, the two of you had been texting back and forth, trying to squeeze 3 years of not knowing each other into a few days. It was difficult but you had learned a lot about him, and vice versa. It was safe to say you were loving it.

Later that evening you had put on your outfit and did your makeup and felt butterflies, of pure excitement of course, when Harry texted you a “Here x.” You answered with a “Be out in a sec!” before grabbing your bag and making sure you had your keys and wallet and everything else before stepping out fo your house into the snow, locking your door and turning around, walking carefully to his car. 

You got in the passenger seat and could clearly see him look you up and down before giving you a big smile. “Y’look really good, love.” You shyly looked away from him before complimenting him yourself. “Thank you H, you look very handsome.” You said, looking him up and down and noting his trousers and button down with sweater vest. 

“Thanks.” He blushed, and this time you weren't annoyed by his reaction to a compliment. He started driving and turned on Fleetwood Mac and this is when you had learned that he was actually good friends with Stevie Nicks, and when he said that you were sure that your brain had actually burst. 

It was enjoyable small talk all the way there and when you pulled up to the massive house, your eyes widened. “Holy shit, who’s party is this?” You asked, stepping out of the car with Harry. 

“M'friend Mike’s. C’mon, don't want you t’freeze to death.” He joked, grabbing your hand and leading you to the front door, making sure you didn't slip on ice. Harry just walked in, pulling you behind him, and you looked around at all the people laughing and dancing to the music. It was more of an adult party, no 20 year old’s grinding on each other and getting absolutely wasted, which you were happy about. Even though you were only 22, you felt more mature for your age.

Harry had let go of your hand at this point, but kept a hand on your back to make sure you stayed near him. He was set on not leaving your side all night, he wouldn’t make that mistake again. Harry was a very open person he liked to believe, and it was very difficult for him to pretend he just wanted to be friends with you. He found you absolutely gorgeous, and even after seeing your worst, he found himself liking you more and more. He would give anything to hold you and kiss you in front of everyone, but it had to be too soon for you both, after all you had been friends for only 5 days now. He supposed his feelings had been building up since he met you, because it was impossible to fall for someone as much as he did you, that fast.

It also didn't help that you were younger than he was. Sure 3 years wasn't that much, but the next relationship he gets into he want’s it to be long term and last, he was almost 30 and felt like he was running out of time.

As people approached the two of you, Harry introduced you as “M’good friend,” and then said your name, after everyone had been asking him if the two of you were dating. His cheeks were flushed as you both denied it, and laughed it off. 

You had been introduced to his friends Sarah and Mitch, whom he had talked about before, and you were truly excited to meet them and get to know them. Mitch was more closed off, but Harry had told you before that it didn’t have anything to do with you and it was just how he was. Sarah on the other hand gave you a hug and kiss on the cheek before complimenting you, which you quickly did back. 

The night was fun, and soon enough it was a few minutes until midnight. Harry had kept his promise to himself, and stayed with you all night, enjoying himself more than he should. He didn't bring you with the intention to kiss you at midnight, although he would love that, and then get in your pants, he wouldn't be complaining about that either, but as it was nearing midnight he started thinking more about it. Your brain was racing as the clock started counting down, wondering if you and Harry would kiss. You wanted to, that much was true, but the question was if he did. 

“10, 9, 8,” Everyone started shouting. The champagne in your system told you to turn to Harry and you looked at him as it started to get to 3. He turned to look at you as well, a smile on his face. “2, 1!” Everyone yelled, and you leaned in as did Harry. His lips slotted perfectly with yours and when you both pulled away you were both smiling too much. “Was that okay,” You started to ask him and he leaned in a bit closer to hear you. “I didn't ask, I’m so sorr-”

You were interrupted by his lips against yours once more, and he pulled away to peck your lips a few more times, his arms wrapped tightly around your waist. You were pretty sure it was okay, now.

February 12th

Harry had celebrated his birthday with a few of his closest friends and his family. It was fun, and he enjoyed the day, but all he wanted was to see you. You had work the entire day and you got off at 10 p.m. so you knew you wouldn’t be able to make it to the party, but after you got off, you drove to his house, not seeing any other cars in the driveway. You had locked on the door and he opened it a minute or so later, his eyes lighted up as you wished him a Happy Birthday and gave him his present. He brought you inside and thanked you with kisses and hugs before opening it to see a new writing journal and a Gucci ring you saved up for. It was the one of the cheapest one they sold, just a silver band with flowers engraved on the band. He absolutely loved it, and wanted to show you how thankful he was, and you ended up spending the night. 

It had been a few weeks since then, and Harry and you had yet to put a label on anything, but he would take you out on dates and cook you dinner, and you did the same for him throughout January and February. Tonight, you had just planned to stay in, already in your pajamas when Harry showed up at your door with sunflowers. 

You let him in and took the flowers, filling a vase with water before putting them in. “Thank you.” You said, giving him a quick kiss. “I didn't miss a special occasion did I?” 

He hesitated before replying. “I hope it would be a special occasion in the future,” You raised a brow before he spoke again, saying your name. “Will y’be m’girlfriend?” 

You smiled and said “Of course.” before kissing him once more. Only a few days later did you accidentally let it slip to your mom before making her vow to wait to talk to Anne about it before Harry told her himself. 

February 21st

Harry was nervous, if that was an even strong enough word to describe the way he felt at the moment. You and Harry had decided to travel back to Holmes chapel to tell his mom the two of you were dating.  That wasn't what scared him though. You had told Harry on Valentines Day when he cooked dinner for the two of you, that your mom already knew. You had agreed on no gifts, but of course you both ended up giving each other flowers and chocolate. 

Harry was scared of seeing your mom for the first time since she learned the two of you had begun dating. It usually took a long time for Harry to ask someone out, the media always found out somehow and he was always scared that as soon as the hate started to arrive they would leave, because they didn't know him that well, so why stay? But it was different with you, he had known you for years, and sure while those few years weren't the best, it was because of a stupid reason on both of your accounts, and once he got to truly know you, he didn't want to wait. 

He was serious about you, and if your mom started to dislike him as your boyfriend, he wouldn't know what to do. As you arrived in the driveway of your house, Anne and Gemma had already gotten there and your mom had told you they would all prepare dinner for your arrival. You could just tell she was itching to tell them, even over the phone. 

As Harry put the car in park and turned it off, he shakily breathed out a little, thinking you wouldn’t notice. 

“Hey, what's wrong?” You asked gently, your hand resting on his arm. 

He thought wrong.

“M’just a bit nervous is all.” He shrugged, trying not to show all that he was feeling at the moment. 

You squeezed his arm a bit too, and brought your other hand to his jaw to turn his head to you. “So am I, but everything is going to be fine. My mom is already in love with us, and I’m sure your mom will be too.” You laughed a bit.

He nodded and gave you a quick kiss before stepping out of the car and grabbing your hand as you walked up to him. You both walk to the door and you knock on the door, waiting out in the cold weather. Harry looked at you before deciding to wrap his arm around your was it instead, in an effort to warm you up. Your cheeks heated up at the gesture and you leaned into him when the door was opened by your mom. She looked between the two of you and a smile burst out on her face as she ushered the two of you in, bringing you in for a hug before hugging Harry and whispering a “I can already tell you make her really happy.” before letting go. he blushed and thanked her softly before she led the two of you into the dining room where Anne and Gemma were already sat. 

Harry had decided to not announce it immediately, and so you were no longer holding hands as you walked into the dining room. They left two seats open next to each other for the two of you and as Harry walked around and greeted his mom and sister, you smiled and said hello to them as well when you sat down. Soon he took the seat next to you and grabbed your hand under the table. 

A little while into dinner, silence fell and Harry cleared his throat, seizing the opportunity. “Um, I just wanted t’say something,” He said not so confidently, and you squeezed his hand. He spoke your name and nodded to you then said, “and I are dating, have been since February 12th t’be exact.” 

You smiled and looked around the table, expected to see shocked faces, but only grins were found. 

“We were wondering when the two of you would tell us!”

Ahhh this was really fun to write! Thank you so much for reading and thank you to whoever asked this (I forgot the @ :( and the message got deleted after I responded to you). I felt kinda eh about this ending but it’s whatever <3

[spine-buster]

The President Wears Prada (William Nylander) | Chapter 23

A/N:  *sings* Taaaake me to church...

February 25th, 2020

Aberdeen Bloom was officially 22 years old.  

Despite all the events of yesterday, she was happy.  She had a few texts from friends and some Instagram notifications already waiting for her when she woke up, and they put her in a good mood.  Her parents called her as she was putting on her makeup, and talked to her until she left to get breakfast downstairs.  She already knew she would FaceTime Siena after practice when they got back to the hotel.

When she got downstairs to the continental breakfast, some of the guys were already there, and she knew everyone else was on their way.  Jake was already there, wishing her a happy birthday at the scrambled eggs.  Mitch was there too, who poured her some orange juice as he wished her a happy birthday as well.  Jason said she should be sitting down at the table while everyone else got her the food she wanted.  She giggled.

Willy and Kappy arrived together.  Kappy wished her a quick happy birthday before he started to get his food.  Willy lingered by her.  “You talk to your parents yet?”

“They called me this morning, yeah.”

“Siena?”

“We’re FaceTiming after practice.”

William nodded his head understandingly.  “Happy birthday,” he smiled softly.

She smiled equally as softly.  “Thanks.”

“You gonna be blasting that Taylor Swift song or what?” Travis Dermott asked he appeared beside them, plate piled high with scrambled eggs and bacon.  “I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling twenty-twoooOooOOOooo!” he sang aloud in a horrible high-pitched voice, definitely trying to mimic Taylor Swift but of course failing miserably.

William set down his plate and put his hands over his hears dramatically.  Travis began dancing while trying not to have the bacon spill over his plate.  Aberdeen couldn’t help but laugh.  “Were you doing that when you turned 22?” she asked.

“You bet!  That song was on a 24 hour loop,” he smiled.

“Poor Kat.”

“She lived.  So what’s your birthday wish?”

“For you guys to win tonight,” she winked.

“We can make that happen,” he winked back.  “Can’t we, Willy?”

“My ear drums burst after your awful singing.  What did you say?”

“I said WE CAN WIN TONIGHT, CAN’T WE?” he yelled so loud other patrons in the eating area looked towards them.  

Aberdeen shielded her face and William turned completely around so they couldn’t see his face.  “You’re the worst, pal,” William said to Travis.  “And by the way,” he shifted focus to Aberdeen, “we’re definitely winning the game tonight.  For you and only you.  Bust also so that we don’t have to hear any more of that.”

***

“Did the boys promise you they’d win for your birthday?” Brendan asked Aberdeen as they walked together through the halls to their box for the game.  

“They did,” she nodded.  “This morning at breakfast.”

“Think they’ll be able to do it?” he asked.  They both flashed their credentials to the security guard who let them through easily.  Aberdeen could even see Kyle down at the other end of the hallway waiting.  

She shrugged her shoulders.  “I hope so.  It would be kind of nice.”

“No hoping,” Brendan shook his head.  “Do you have faith they can win the game tonight for your birthday?” he asked again, his voice sterner.

“Yes,” she answered automatically, nodding her head.  She did have faith in them.  She had faith that William would probably show off tonight like he showed off when Siena was in the building in Ottawa, but she wasn’t exactly going to vocalize that out loud.  “Do you?”

He took a moment to think about it as he looked at her.  It wasn’t an automatic reaction like hers was.  “Yes,” he finally said.  “Because I know how much they adore you.”

***

“Look at him fuckin’ go,” Kyle said with a giant smirk on his face as he watched the replay of William’s goal.  It was beautiful.  The Leafs were on a powerplay and he was sitting pretty right in front of the net.  After a feed from Mitch not going exactly where he wanted it go, William ended up sneaking it in between his legs and putting it in the net, top shelf.  Bardown.  Beautiful.

“He just surpassed his dad in goals not even two weeks ago and now this.  Now he’s just showing off,” Brendan giggled, looking at the replay himself.  

Aberdeen watched replay after replay.  “This is absolutely unbelievable by Nylander” she heard the announcer say as he broke down the play and the goal.  She was so enamoured by the coverage and the breakdown and the smile on his face at the end of it that she almost didn’t notice what Brendan whispered to Kyle.

“Think he’s showing off for someone?”

***

Brendan made sure he and Aberdeen took their time walking down to the locker room after the 4-3 win.  He made sure to have his cell phone constantly in his hand, waiting for the right text to come through.  He made sure that when he did, he hurried down there with her tagging along.  

Aberdeen followed Brendan into the locker room.  Brendan nodded at Sheldon.  Sheldon nodded at him.  

“Alright boys!  Everyone get in here!” Sheldon yelled out to the team.  Everyone settled down and came back in the locker room, either standing or sitting in their stalls, their gear half on or half off and their hair still sweaty from the game.  Brendan and Aberdeen were in the back, standing just in front of one of the entrances, making sure not to block Jack Campbell’s view.  “We came back hard tonight.  We showed them what we were made of.  We held them off in the third period.  We stuck with our game.  Willy with that game winning goal that I’m sure is gonna be on every highlight reel this season,” Sheldon smiled, and some of the boys clapped and whooped for him.  “It was a good fight.  It was a good…hey…hey wait.  Where’s Spezza?” he asked, furrowing his brows.  “Where’s Spezz?”

Everybody began looking around the room.  Even Aberdeen started looking.  “Spezz?” Tyson asked really loudly.  

Silence.  

And then…

“Haaaaaaaaaappy biiiiiiirthday to yoooooouuuuu…”

Out of the corner of her eye, Aberdeen saw Jason walk into the locker room carrying a giant slab cake, with 22 candles lit up throughout.  It started with just his voice, but as the words dragged on, more voices joined.  She saw giant smiles on the entire locker room’s faces as they sang along, and she immediately covered her face in embarrassment, getting way too emotional.  Even the cameraman that they sometimes brought on road trips to film content for Blueprints was filming her.  

“Haaaaaaaaaappy biiiiiiirthday to yoooooouuuuu…Haaapppy Biiirthdaaayyy dear Aaaaaaaberdeeeeeeeeeen, haaaaaaaaaappy biiiiiiirthday to yoooooouuuuu!”

The entire locker room began cheering and clapping loudly.  Aberdeen couldn’t believe it.  She shook her head at everything that was happening – the cake, the singing, the filming, the shit-eating grins on everyone’s faces, particularly Jason’s and Brendan’s – and blew out her candles in one big blow, causing everyone to cheer even louder than before.  She knew she had an embarrassed look on her face – because she truly wasn’t expecting anything like this – but she was so grateful for the gesture.  Her eyes were even tearing up, though she didn’t know why.  

“Aberdeen, I think I speak for everyone when I say we wish you a very, very happy birthday in your twenty-second year of life,” Brendan began.  “You came into our lives in September, and since then, we’ve grown more and more in love with you, your outfits, the books you bring on the plane…” he motioned with his hands for the guys to pitch in.

“Your no-nonsense attitude!” Jason contributed.

“Your rockstar Halloween costumes!” Travis yelled.

“Your Willy fashion roasting!” Kappy yelled.

Everybody laughed.  Brendan laughed too before focusing back on her.  “From the streets of good ol’ Etobicoke to 50 Bay Street…you’ll always be part of the Maple Leafs family, Aberdeen.  Always.”

Aberdeen’s breath hitched in her throat.  She nodded her head.  Those were some very kind words from a very powerful man, and she knew just how much they meant.  And the fact that he was saying it in front of the team meant so much more.  She thought it would be over and done with, but Kappy and Travis had other plans.  “Speeeeeeeech!  Speeeeeeeech!” they chanted.  “Speeeeeeeeeech!” everyone else followed, expecting it like she’d just won an Oscar.

(Maybe she deserved one, since she’d been sneaking around with William and nobody seemed to be the wiser.)

“There’s not a lot I’m gonna be able to say without crying,” she said, still shaking her head.  She was still very well aware that the cameraman was still recording.  “But seriously, thank you guys so much.  This means a lot to me, considering how much of a family we are here.  You guys, I…I can’t say enough about you guys.  Honestly.  But for how much you might love me, I hope you guys know how much I love you all too…”

The guys began clapping when they realized she really couldn’t say anything else because she would have gotten emotional.  But it was Brendan who spoke and eliminated the feeling by screaming “ONE MORE TIME!  HAPPY BIRTHDAY ABERDEEN!”

“HAPPY BIRTHDAAAAAYYYYYY!!!!!” they all rushed towards her screaming, engulfing her in a giant mob as she screamed at the fact that twenty-plus men were about the crowd her like she was a fellow hockey player.  The only one who didn’t was Jason so he could save the cake.  Thank God.

“The gift!”

“Where’s the gift?!”

“Somebody get the gift!!!”

Aberdeen furrowed her brows.  Mitch ran from where Jason had come from, hockey pants and socks still on, and brought out a giant box from the back.  He placed in right in front of Aberdeen.  “What did you guys do?”

“We started thinking about it at the beginning of the month—” Kasperi began, but Jason quickly cut him off.

“—Jen and Bee said we should get you something.  But I mean we all thought of the idea of what to get you,” he said, throwing a look towards Kappy.  “John went out and bought it, but like we all pitched in.”

Aberdeen kept unwrapped until she tore a part of the wrapping paper and saw the Louis Vuitton logo on the box.  She gasped out loud.  She didn’t care that everybody in the room was watching her at this point.  “Whaaaaaaat did you guys do?!” she shrieked, ripping off the paper even quicker now.  When the wrapping paper was off and she opened the box, she gasped dramatically.  Everybody had pitched in to buy her a Louis Vuitton Keepall Bandoulière carry-on bag in the damier azur canvas colour.  “Are you for real?!” she asked, delicately moving the tissue paper to the side and taking the luggage bag out of the box.

“You like it?” Jason was smiling at her reaction.

“Now we all match with our Louis Vuitton!” Auston winked.

“Yeah, and now you can’t make fun of my fashion anymore!” William yelled.

“Oh yes I can,” Aberdeen replied automatically, not even looking at him – still admiring her new bag too much.  “Seriously—I—what made you all decide you were going to get me Louis freaking Vuitton?”

“You roasting Willy’s fashion choices, actually,” Jason laughed out.  Brendan laughed too.  “Just thought you deserved something nice too, for putting up with us all the time.”

“I’m still making fun of Willy’s fashion choices,” she deadpanned.

“We figured.”

Aberdeen didn’t know who cut the cake.  All she knew was that she was handed a piece once she was done groveling over her new bag.  She didn’t know when the music started playing.  All she knew was someone took her phone and started blasting her Spotify, and a weird variety of songs came on: “Vossi Bop” by Stormzy, which most of the guys vibed to; “Dancing Queen” by ABBA, because of course; and “(Dancin’) On A Saturday Night” by Barry Blue, which caused Tyson to grab her and start dancing with her comically.  The guys were eating cake and taking off their gear.  The media was still peeking in though their time and interviews had long gone.  She wondered if they got pieces of cake.

When everything was said and done, everybody loaded onto the bus to get back to the hotel.  She still had a stupid smile on her face as everyone filed in, carrying the box in her hands like a party-size pizza.  She put it onto the seat beside her before taking out her phone to respond to some of the last messages she got from her friends, and saw some notifications that piqued her interest.  

@kristenshilton: Leafs are celebrating a birthday in the locker room after their Tampa game.  Cake and everything.  I’m told that it’s chocolate.

@kristenshilton: ‘Vossi Bop’ by UK rapper Stormzy is playing.  Nylander tells me, “It came up on Aberdeen’s phone.  It’s her birthday.  We promised we’d win the game for her.”

Aberdeen Bloom, in question: Brendan Shanahan’s personal assistant.

Aberdeen wondered if this was the first time her name had been put out there by the media.  She honestly had never searched her name on Twitter before so she had no clue.  Now that it was out in the open, what would happen?  What would Brendan say?  Would he want it out there?  She didn’t have the answers.  The only thing she knew was that it didn’t matter right now, because it was her 22nd birthday.  She could deal with it later – if she even needed to deal with it.

She went through her unanswered texts and Instagram messages thanking everybody for their birthday wishes.  Just as she was about the locker her phone again, she opened her email inbox, noticing a few spam emails from sites she’d signed up for.  

But one in particular caught her eye.  She opened it immediately.  

Dear Ms. Bloom,

Thank you for your submission to the “Memoirs” section of Toronto Life.  We have read your essay “Maple Leaf For…Now” but regret to inform you that our team of editors has decided not to publish the essay.  We thank you for your time and submission.

Best regards,

Sandy Miller, Senior Editor at Toronto Life Magazine

She immediately closed the email.  She didn’t need to read it twice.  She didn’t need to dwell on the feeling of being rejected.  Again.  

It was a quick drive back to the hotel.  She followed everybody up to their respective floors and rooms, getting some final happy birthdays before she opened her own door and escaped into her own room.  She put the giant box next to her luggage – she’d wonder how she was going to handle the packing tomorrow.  She took her phone out of her pocket, seeing a text from William already.  

i’ll let u know when i’m coming maybe 20-30 mins?  the guys are pretty hyped and i want to make sure they’re in bed

Ok.  No problem.

brendan was right tonight u know we all fell in love with u from the beginning i hope u know that

😇

She waited patiently yet impatiently.  During the time she was waiting for him, she’d washed off all her makeup, took a quick shower, and even changed into her pajamas.  She debated whether or not she should greet him with a sheetmask on, but then she figured that it was her birthday and he’d probably want to kiss her all night, so she decided against it, even as a joke.  There was no way she’d waste a sheet mask.  

She was sitting on her bed scrolling through her phone when she got the text from Willy.  She prepared herself, and when she heard the slight knock on her door, she practically jumped out of bed and ran to the door.  She opened it quickly.  “Hey,” she smiled, closing the door behind him, even locking it for good measure.

“Hey.”

“What a goal tonight, Will!” she giggled as he got closer, wrapping his arms around her.  

“For you,” was all he said.  He apparently didn’t want to talk hockey – regardless of how pretty his goal was – or waste any more time.  He just began kissing her.  Big, open-mouthed, passionate kisses as he walked them towards her bed, falling on top of it when it reached the back of Aberdeen’s knees.  Like many times before, they were making out like teenagers; they couldn’t help it.  William found her insatiable, and Aberdeen found him just as much, if not more insatiable.  She snaked her hands underneath his hoodie and took it off, leaving him shirtless.  He did the same to her, leaving her topless in her bed.  

“Aberdeen?” he mumbled against the skin between her breasts after what felt like hours of kissing, touching, and grinding against each other’s bodies.  

“Yeah?” she managed to get out, though she could feel how hot her body was.

“Can I taste you?”

“Huh?” she blurted out in the most vulgar way that was humanly possible, completely embarrassing herself.  She was sure William was going walk out the door right now and never turn back.

William snorted.  “Can I taste you?” he asked again, slower, with a dumb smile on his face as he looked up at her.  

“I…I…” her chest began to heave slightly.  “I mean…okay.  But um…I’ve never…” she kept trying to find the right words, but when she thought about what she actually needed to say, it just made her more embarrassed and more prone to stutter out her response.  “I mean, I’ve never had…you know, anyone go down on me before.”

William stopped, furrowing his brows.  “Wait…you’ve…you’ve never—”

“No.”

“You haven’t been eaten out before?”

“No.”

William seemed shocked.  “But you…you’ve had boyfriends…?”

“Yes, Will.  God.”

“So…” he was trying to piece everything together.  “That guy I met, Zane or whatever his name was…he never ate you out in the entire year you dated?” he asked.  Aberdeen shook her head.  “What kind assholes did you date?” he shrieked.

“Arrrrrggghhhhh,” Aberdeen grumbled, covering her face with her hands in complete embarrassment.  “This is so embarrassing!”

“Noooo no no no, come on, it’s okay,” William kept repeating and cooing as he pushed himself back up, one hand placing itself on her stomach to caress the skin there and on her sides while he leaned on his other arm.  “Aberdeen, come on.  It’s okay.”

“Is it though?  Is it really?” she was peeking through her fingers like a kid.

“Of course it is,” he assured her.  “It means I get to be the first one.”  Aberdeen removed her hand from in front of her eyes so she could give him a look.  “Was there a reason why it never happened?”

Aberdeen shrugged.  “I mean…I’ve always been a bit self-conscious about it.  Like about how I’d react or how I’d, like…taste,” she used his own words.  “But Zane said he didn’t like to go down on girls, so I sort of never, like, asked for it.  He was like that from the beginning.  And I felt embarrassed to ask if I was just gonna get shot down.  I mean…I wanted to try it.  He just never would.”

“Did you give him blowjobs?”

Aberdeen knew she shouldn’t be getting uncomfortable, because she was with William and she was comfortable with him and trusted him completely, but it was a direct line of questioning she wasn’t used to.  Though she talked about her hookups or past boyfriends with Siena or people like Kasha, she didn’t go into extreme depth like that.  “Yeah…a whole bunch of them, actually…” she admitted.

She watched as William shook his head, getting angry.  “That guy was a fucking asshole, and I’ll look through every stupid fucking cubicle in the city if I have to so I can punch him in the face for you.”

Aberdeen let out a sigh, running her fingers through his hair to push it back.  “Does that make me lame?  Be honest.”

“No, minskatt.  It does not make you lame,” William asserted.  He brought his hand up to caress her face, and trailed his fingers up to her new scar just above her eyebrow.  He touched it delicately and she didn’t wince.  “Listen…I want to taste you.  I want to make you feel good,” he continued softly.  “I know you’re nervous.  It’s okay.  I promise that I’ll go slow, okay?  And I’ll stop whenever you tell me to stop.”

Aberdeen was nervous – perhaps more nervous than she’d ever been – but she nodded her head.  “Okay,” she said.  

“You’re sure?” William confirmed with her one more time.

“Yeah,” she nodded again.  “I’m sure.  Just…go slow.”

He’d heard her request those words before.  “I will, minskatt.  I love you.”

“I love you too, Willy.”

He began kissing her again, trying to get her as comfortable and relaxed as possible – how she was before he proposed the idea.  They kissed again for a long time, William making sure he could sense her comfortability before he began to move down, running his lips and tongue down to her chest.  His lips left her skin only to take off her pajama pants and underwear, slipping them off slowly at the same time before discarding them to the side.  He could feel her shiver.  “You alright?” he asked.  She nodded her head.  “I’m going to make you feel great, I promise.”

“You better.”

They both giggled slightly.  “Just tell me when to stop if you want me to stop.”

“Okay.”

He continued to kiss his way down her body, eventually spreading her legs open and settling in between them.  He could feel her take a deep breath, so he kissed some more – along her belly button, her hips, on the insides of her thighs.  When he did that, there was another shiver.  “Minskatt?”

“What?” she asked, like she was having trouble even getting the word out.

“Hold my hand.”

Aberdeen looked down.  Seeing his face in between her thighs was quite the sight to behold.  She grabbed onto one of his hands and intertwined their fingers.  She could feel his thumb rubbing her hand assuredly.  She didn’t think the first flick of the tongue to taste her was coming so soon.  But as she felt his tongue along her folds, she flinched slightly out of surprise more than anything, squeezing his hand.  “Oh fuck,” she sighed out, her hips bucking.  

With his free arm, he pushed gently back on to the bed.  “Was that okay?” he asked, his mouth still dangerously close to her lips so that when she spoke, she still felt them move against her.  She nodded quickly.  “Do you want me to stop?”

“No,” she said firmly, her response automatic.  “K—Keep going.  It felt good.”

Aberdeen looked down, only to make eye contact with him before he dived in again.  Her eyes rolled to the back as William continued lapping at her, making her feel better and better with each stroke of his tongue.  Soon, there were no nerves anymore – no worries about how she tasted or how she’d never done this before – and her body was doing the talking, squirming and writhing and sighing, her little oh fuck and oh my god comments the fuel William wanted, needed, to keep doing what he was doing.  He did everything – quick flicks of the tongue, long laps from bottom-to-top, top-to-bottom, and sucking and licking like he was drinking a thick milkshake, making sure Aberdeen got the full experience.  

Her moans were his music.  At one point she had let go of his hand so she could bunch the bedsheets in her fists.  He could hear her huffs and sighs.  “S’at feel good?” he asked quickly.

“God, yes,” Aberdeen whispered, her voice so soft and so full of innocence at the new feeling of it all that William almost came himself right then and there.

“You taste so sweet for me, Aberdeen.  You’re so sweet and it’s all for me,” he said, his voice low and full of lust and Aberdeen almost came right then and there.

“Fuuuuuuuuuuck, Willy,” she couldn’t say much more.  When he lapped at her with his flat tongue immediately after, she instinctively went to grab and tug on his hair.  He’d made it a personal goal that he would make her come with just his tongue, and his groan in response and the vibration from it made her whimper.  “Willy—I—Willy—”

He did it again, and she cried out.  With his face so firmly planted on her pussy and with her tugging at his hair and making sure he stayed down there, the feeling was almost too much, but she knew she wanted him to keep going.  She knew she wanted the build-up.  She knew she wanted it to last as long as it could – as long as was physically possible for Willy – because this was, perhaps, the best feeling she’d ever felt.

The fact she was getting louder made Willy know she was enjoying it.  She’d moved on from squirms to moans, and now from moans to audible cries, words frantic and scarcely used but enough so that he knew he was doing a good job and she wanted him to keep going.  He kept up his movements so he could keep hearing her, the tugging of his hair bringing him the same kind of pleasure as he was currently giving her.  

Then Aberdeen went a bit quiet.  William didn’t like that.  He looked up at her as he was still licking and noticed she was staring up at the ceiling.  He squeezed her hand to get her attention.  “You okay?”

She looked down and saw how wet his lips were – how her juices were all over his mouth, really, and she could have fucking cried.  It was one of the hottest things she’d ever seen.  “I feel really close,” she whispered, her voice strained.  She’d been moaning and crying out for so long that he was surprised she even had one left.  “I—fuck Willy—I feel so close.”

William wanted to make sure any part of her that was still holding back – if there was any left – didn’t hold back at all.  He made sure he was making eye contact with her.  “Come all over my face Aberdeen.  Come for me.  Now.”

Aberdeen had never been so turned on.   He lapped and sucked once more and within seconds she was a screaming, writhing mess.  She couldn’t be quiet.  It was impossible.  As her orgasm overcame her, flooding her entire body with pleasure, she tried to stop her legs from clamping together and squeezing William’s head in between her thighs.  He didn’t care.  William moved with each squirm, each scream, each buck of the hips, never once taking his mouth off her pussy as she came long and hard and completely, not once.  She screamed and huffed and moaned until she couldn’t anymore, until her throat was dry.  When she felt herself finally coming down from her orgasm – earth-shattering orgasm, really, if we’re being specific – she looked down at saw William already looking at her, smiling, her juices all over his lips and face, and she knew it was a sight that would be permanently etched in her mind.  

When Aberdeen regained basic consciousness, she could feel William kissing the insides of her thighs again as he was chuckling slightly.  He kissed his way back up to her, and when his lips landed on hers, she let out her last moan she had in her as she tasted herself on his lips.  “You taste incredible,” he said once they finished kissing, looking right into her eyes as he licked his lips.

“I can’t believe that was what I was missing this entire time,” she said.  “Zane’s a fucking asshole.”

William chuckled louder this time, nuzzling himself into her neck as he placed light butterfly kisses there.  “I told you,” he said.  “It felt good for you?”

She nodded.  “It felt incredible.  I’m serious.  You’re going to turn me into one of those nymphomaniacs.”

“What did you like the most?”

“All of it,” she said immediately, because it was true.  There was absolutely nothing that she didn’t like.  As she felt his body rest beside hers, his lips still lingering on the skin of her neck, she could feel his erection.  She turned a bit so she could look him in the eye, kissing him quickly.  “D’you want me to take care of that?”

“No no,” he shook his head.  She didn’t understand, especially since he was rock hard.  She couldn’t believe him going down on her made him so aroused.  “This is all about you.  I’ll take care of it.”

“Willy—”

“It’s okay, minskatt.  I’ll take care of it,” he said, giving her a kiss before rolling over and getting off the bed.  She watched as he disappeared into the washroom and closed the door behind him.  She couldn’t think of anything else to do, laying in the bed completely naked thinking about what had just happened, until she thought to grab her underwear and put them back on.  She kept herself topless though, as maybe a little treat to William, as she went back to thinking about the feeling of his tongue on her folds, shivering as she remembered.

William was in there for a while before he came back out, seemingly having taken care of it, and climbed back into bed with her.  He placed kisses on her breasts and nipples before moving to her neck and finally her lips, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her closed against his body.  He was topless, too, but kept his boxers on.  “I love you, minskatt,” he whispered.

“I love you too Willy,” she said, his body heat and warmth she felt lulling her to sleep so quickly.  “Thank you for being my first for that.”

He smiled.  “The pleasure was all mine.  Go to sleep, minskatt.  Go to sleep.”

***

The next morning, William was still in bed with Aberdeen.  They’d hardly moved, limbs still intertwined and still holding on to each other like the other would float away.  Aberdeen woke up first, her eyes gently opening, noticing and appreciating how close she was to Will.  Instinctively – really, she couldn’t help herself – she brought a hand up to his face, barely touching it with her fingertips.  The stubble along his jawline and cheeks.  The curve of his perfect nose.  His soft, sweet lips.  He was truly so beautiful.  She couldn’t believe he was hers.  She couldn’t believe she was his.  It was a magical thing to wake up in William Nylander’s arms, knowing that he loved her, and knowing that she loved him.  

He shifted slightly, letting her know he was awake – or at least waking up.  “Minskatt?” he mumbled, barely audible, before he even opened his eyes.

“I’m right here,” she said in an equally soft voice.  

He opened his eyes.  He smiled sleepily once he saw how close they were and sighed contently.  “I dreamt we were in Sweden,” he whispered.

Aberdeen felt a shiver run up her spine.  “Yeah?”

He nodded.  “My family was there.  My sisters loved you.  Alex too.  You were sitting by the lake at our house in the country,” he said.  “Your hair was down and you were looking over your shoulder back at me.  It was perfect.”

Aberdeen couldn’t help but smile.  His voice was so soft and his emotion so innocent.  “Tell me more.”

“You had on a pretty dress.  The sky was blue.  So was the water.  We could do what we wanted and nobody cared.  We could be open with our love and it was so beautiful.”

She felt a small pang of guilt at that.  At this point, she knew how bad they both wanted to be out in the open, but life dictated that they couldn’t.  She couldn’t just up and quit her job and lose her income.  They needed to ride out the wave.  It would happen eventually; it just couldn’t happen now.  “I’m sorry that we can’t,” she whispered, caressing his face again.  

“Don’t apologize, minskatt.  We will one day.  You’re still the best thing in my life and always will be.  I’ll wait forever if I have to.”

It was that statement that got Aberdeen emotional.  Here he was dreaming about her in Sweden with him and his family, freely showing their love, but the reality was that couldn’t happen.  Yet he said he would wait forever.  She wasn’t sure about that.  No guy had waited for her before.  “But you’ve been waiting already for so long,” she whispered, her eyes welling with tears.  “Why are you waiting for so long?  Any other guy would have given up and moved on already.  Why haven’t you?”

“Shhh, Aberdeen, stop,” he said, squeezing her tighter.  “Don’t you get—Aberdeen, you’re it for me.  I don’t care that I’m waiting to be out in the open with you.  I will wait however long you want me to, alright?  You’ll always have me.  No matter what happens.  You’ll always have me.”

Aberdeen nodded.  There was nothing she could say to that.  Her heart felt so full at his words.  He’d wait.  He’d wait as long as he needed to.  He loved her.  He adored her.  She was it for him.  “I love you, Willy.”

“I love you too Aberdeen.  So much,” he kissed the tip of her nose.

Aberdeen kissed him on his lips, needing to feel them against hers.  Like always, they couldn’t stop.  “Make love to me Willy…before you have to go.”

He did.  It was slow and it was sensual and it was tender and it was everything she could have wanted, needed that morning in bed with him.  And afterwards, when he had to put his clothes on and sneak out back to his room, he sat on the edge of the bed and kissed her.  “Jag tänker på dig när jag inte ens tanker,” he whispered against her lips.

Aberdeen smiled.  She didn’t know Swedish but she knew those words.  They were theirs.  Theirs and only theirs.  Which is why she repeated them back to him.  “I think about you when I’m not even thinking.”

[dreaminginthedeepsouth]

* * * *

Democrats have the opportunity of a lifetime when they open hearings of the House Select Committee on the Capitol insurrection on Tuesday morning, but they can miss that opportunity by making three mistakes: If they fail to prominently show videos of the violence at the Capitol on Jan. 6, if they fail to announce that hearings of the committee will resume immediately following the August recess and continue until the committee has completed its work, and if they turn Republican Liz Cheney into a rock star. Let’s put the Cheney matter away first. Sure, she was one of 10 Republicans to vote to impeach Trump the second time around for his role in provoking the assault on the Capitol, and her statements about Trump’s culpability are helpful. But every time she starts running her mouth about the Constitution, I take a moment to consider her abject opposition to constitutional rights like abortion and marriage equality. This is a woman who picks and chooses the battles she wants to fight, and her late-blooming anti-Trumpism may have less to do with preserving our democracy and the Constitution than it does with her ambition. Democrats aren’t fooling anyone with Cheney and the recent appointment of Illinois Republican Adam Kinzinger. They aren’t the loyal opposition. Among Republicans, their opposition to Trump is as convenient as it is rare, but that doesn’t deserve excessive “thank yous” from Democrats. 

The Select Committee is about as nonpartisan as Trey Gowdy’s Benghazi committee. You remember that wonderfully principled inquiry, don’t you? Formed in May of 2014, the Benghazi committee managed to string out hearings over two years and did not shut down until December of 2016, after spending more than $4 million on its spurious “investigation” of the attack on the U.S. consulate in Benghazi and the Obama administration’s response. The Benghazi committee wasn’t intended to be nonpartisan. No less a figure than Kevin McCarthy went on Sean Hannity’s show halfway through the committee’s lifespan and said, "Everybody thought Hillary Clinton was unbeatable, right? But we put together a Benghazi special committee, a select committee. What are her numbers today? Her numbers are dropping. Why? Because she's untrustable.”

Along with coining brand-new words like “untrustable,” McCarthy and the Benghazi committee accomplished every one of the Republicans’ goals. They kept it going right through the entire 2016 presidential election cycle, through the primaries, through both the Republican and Democratic national conventions, right through the November election itself. They held hearings. They leaked. They exaggerated. They lied. They put Hillary Clinton at the witness table for eight hours on October 22, 2015, almost exactly a week after the first Democratic primary debate in Nevada, and three weeks before the second and much more important debate in Iowa. They did everything they possibly could to drag her through the political mud. They didn’t try to hide it. They just did it.If 

Democrats don’t do the same thing with their Jan. 6 select committee, they will be missing the chance to tar and feather not only Donald Trump but the entire Republican Party. Everybody knows what happened on Jan. 6. Everybody knows who assaulted the Capitol. It was a violent mob of Trump supporters. They didn’t try to conceal who they were. They waved Trump flags. They wore MAGA hats. They chanted Trump slogans. They filmed themselves with their cell phones and immediately posted the clips on social media. They tweeted. They Facebooked. They Instagrammed. They gave interviews to whoever from the  mainstream media was present. And then they went home and bragged about it.Everybody knows that some 550 of the Trump supporters present at the Capitol on Jan. 6 have been arrested and charged with federal crimes. Several have already pled guilty and at least one has been sentenced to jail. Everybody knows that 165 of them have been charged with assaulting or impeding law enforcement officers. And everyone knows that the man who incited the riot at the Capitol, Donald Trump, has been on a tour of rallies bent on lying his way out of culpability for the insurrection. Trump and his Republican acolytes have been going around characterizing the assault on the Capitol as just another day of “tourist visits” by a “loving crowd.” Everybody knows they’re attempting to pull off the old, “who you gonna believe, me or your lying eyes” scam. Trump is the past master of that one. Nobody in American politics has told so many lies or repeated them as often as Donald Trump. He’s good at wielding the Big Lie, but he is the master blaster of the Blizzard of Lies. He knows he can’t insult the intelligence of his base. Hell, they’re out there believing every lie that gets thrown at them about how vaccines are responsible for more deaths than COVID and masks don’t prevent the disease, they spread it. They’ll believe his lies that pipe-wielding Proud Boys were just showing the Capitol police some love.The problem faced by the House Select Committee is this: What do you do in the face of such blissful ignorance? 

Well, so far Democrats have been winning the insurrection commission wars because they have Nancy Pelosi leading them. She has outmaneuvered McCarthy every time he’s tried to throw up a Trump-licking roadblock. He thought he could beat her by getting together with Mitch McConnell to cancel the truly nonpartisan 9/11 style commission Pelosi proposed to investigate the attack on the Capitol. Pelosi fired back with the Select Committee. Then he thought he could turn her committee into a clown car by appointing the two Jims, Ohio Republican Jordan and Indiana Republican Banks, to the committee. Pelosi rejected both of them. Then McCarthy announced Republicans would boycott the committee entirely, apparently thinking Pelosi would wilt under charges that her committee was too partisan. Pelosi shot back by appointing Cheney and Kinzinger. What the Lickspittle Caucus is now looking at is a committee entirely controlled by the toughest Democratic speaker of the House to come along since … who? Sam Rayburn? Tip O’Neill? Neither of those glad-handers could carry Nancy Pelosi’s purse. If McCarthy and the Republicans had gone along with the nonpartisan commission that was originally worked out between the parties in the House, they would have had veto power over subpoenas and at least some role in which witnesses to call and how long the commission would last.

Gone. Republicans won’t be able to stop Democrats on the committee from subpoenaing key witnesses to Trump’s behavior during the insurrection, including  Ivanka Trump and even McCarthy, who spoke with the Instigator in Chief on the phone that day. If Pelosi wants to call Trump himself to testify before the committee, she can do it. If Republicans contest the subpoenas, Pelosi can order House lawyers into court to fight, and if the court cases drag out, so will the term of the committee. Pelosi will be free to have the committee hold hearings through the fall and winter, right into the middle of the 2022 campaign season if she so chooses. And why shouldn’t she? Trump is going to stay out there on the rally circuit spreading his lies, but Democrats will have the Select Committee to counter them. If Pelosi wants to schedule a hearing for the day after every one of Trump’s rallies, she can. If she wants to call witnesses to rebut specific lies he blathers, she can. Best of all, there are enough hours of videos from the assault on the Capitol that the Select Committee will be able to play a couple hours of video every time they hold a hearing and hardly make a dent in the supply. The video of the murder of George Floyd is what convicted Derek Chauvin. Videos of the Capitol insurrection present the same sort of damning evidence.I lost track years ago of the number of times I’ve wished Democrats would learn to fight as hard as Republicans. Nancy Pelosi is, thankfully, as principled as she is tough, and she’s exactly what we need right now. As for Kevin McCarthy, he can make all the pilgrimages he wants to Bedminster and Mar-a-Lago or wherever else Trump is holed up with his golf clubs and his Diet Cokes and his burgers. He can huff and puff all he wants, but he won’t be able to blow Nancy’s House down.

[stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale]

with you [chapter four]

Summary: Clementine pops the question, Louis has nightmares, Violet can’t let go of the past, Mitch doesn’t know how to handle gross feelings, Ruby’s a goddamn sweetheart, Willy doesn’t ever remember to knock, Aasim can’t dance, and James is here, too.

Nothing like a wedding to bring this family together.

Note: tbh working on this story at night is the only thing holding my sanity together while I’m taking care of my grams. But also this chapter was a huge pain in the ass to fix and I’m 0.02 seconds away from punching a hole in the wall. But it’s fine because it’s finished and I ran all the way home just to quickly post this. 

Anyway, thank you for reading and your constant support. It truly means a lot to me. I hope you enjoy ch4. ❤️

Ch1 | Ch2 | Ch3 | Ch4

Read on: AO3

---

The page remains blank.

No matter how much Violet wills the pen to move on its own, to put all thoughts both known and unconscious to paper, it remains beside the open notebook. As outrageous as it sounds, a small part of her hopes one day the pen will magically come to life and solve all of her problems with its problem-solving ink. Then everything will be okay. 

Though she has a feeling the walkers will go extinct before her pen develops a sentient personality or therapeutic skills. 

And she’ll be dead by then, so it wouldn’t matter anyway. 

“It helps if you pick up the pen,” Aasim said, not bothering to look up from his own work. “Just saying.”

She knows even by his deadpan tone that he’s trying to joke with her, even if he’s not good at it. Laying bait for her to bite back with a sarcastic remark of her own. 

“But then I’d actually have to write something down.”

“Oh no,” Aasim smirks, paying her a brief glance. “Effort.”

That cracks a small smile out of her, and for a fleeting moment, they’re smiling at each other as if that’s a normal thing. It’s hard to maintain that connection, so damn hard, so Violet hides her smile from him by turning away to look towards the gates.

The very same gates that Clementine, AJ, and Rosie pass through. Back from patrol, if she overheard correctly. Even from a distance, Violet can see the delighted grin Clementine wears, a grin only matched by AJ’s. Far brighter than Violet’s. 

AJ hugs her tightly before breaking away and bolting towards Louis, James, and Tenn. Clementine remains, though, arms folded over her chest as she watches the group of boys with such fondness that it damn near makes Violet want to scream.

Shit, just…. Shit . 

“Hey,” Aasim reaches over, tapping on the blank page of her journal with his own worn-out pen to grab her attention. “Lucy had her babies this morning. Seven of them. Well, eight, but one of them didn’t make it.”

Violet tears her glare away from Clementine to instead glare at Aasim. 

“Who the hell is Lucy?”

“One of the pregnant rabbits, remember? Not the one that had babies last week, the other one.”

“We’re still naming them?” Violet asks. Aasim made it very clear that no names were to be used when they started up the rabbit farm by the greenhouse. 

“They’re food, not pets. No names. No attachments.” 

That didn’t last long.

“ I didn’t name her,” Aasim corrects. “Willy did, even though I’ve told him again and again not to. Now when it comes time for us to put Lucy down, he’s not going to talk to me for another two weeks, as if I’m the only one at fault. Remember Albert?”

“Ah, Prince Albert,” Violet nods. “He sure was delicious.”

Everyone agreed that the lovely Prince Albert was one of the handsomest rabbits they had with his snow white fur offset by brown feet and ears. They also agreed that he made one of the best rabbit stews Omar’s ever created. 

Including Willy. That is until Omar offered him one of Prince Albert’s lucky feet and Willy realized just who he had consumed. 

The boy didn’t speak to Aasim or Omar for a week, but Violet believes that he still carries around one of Prince Albert’s feet for good luck, despite everything. 

“Yeah, anyway, did you want to come with me to check on them? Ruby’s out there now. Maybe you could stay with her and help out?”

Violet scoffs. 

“Look, I’ll take your night shift, too,” Aasim adds. “That way you don’t spend all day out there and then have to do a night shift.” 

“I like having the night shift.”

“Every night?”

“Sure.”

“Well,” Aasim taps his pen against the table, thinking loudly to himself. “I’m giving you the night off anyway. Ruby would appreciate your company.”

Oh, would she, now…?

It’s not that Violet minds Ruby. She’s the only girl Violet has left to talk to at this place- the only girl she’s willing to talk to, actually. 

Violet would say that she enjoys evenings spent with Ruby… most of the time. 

The problem with talking to or spending time with Ruby is she’s a lot. Not in the same way Louis is, but more in an overbearing mother sort of way. Always asking her how she’s feeling, asking about her day, if there’s anything she can do to help Violet out or if she wants to do this or that. She’s far too pushy sometimes, especially when it comes to shit she doesn’t understand. 

“Clem’s tryin’, Vi.”

As if Ruby has all the answers to make her happy. She always makes it sound so damn easy. 

“Why can’t ya just talk to each other?”

The problem is that Ruby tries to take care of everyone so that she doesn’t have to think about how to make herself happy. Why focus on your problems when you can bury your pains and wishes beneath fairy tales and other people’s problems?

At least, that’s Violet’s assumption. 

Maybe Ruby is happy. 

Maybe Violet just wishes she wasn’t. 

Fucking hell. 

Just when she thought she couldn’t be any more fucked...

“My company or yours?” Violet mumbles, finally picking up her pen, putting it to paper. 

“What? My company- oh, I see.” Aasim rolls his eyes, dropping his pen in the book before shutting it. “Ha ha, very funny. I get it.”

Violet nearly rolls her eyes, too. Speaking of those who don’t bother with their own shit-

“I was thinking that it’d be good for you to go out there and help her, that’s all,” Aasim says, tucking his notebook under his arm and standing from the table. He means to walk away on that annoying note but hesitates. Then, lowering his voice to one of disquiet, he says, “I’m worried about you. So is everyone else.”

“I’m fine, Aasim.”

“...Right,” he sighs heavily. “Please go help Ruby with the rabbits. I’m only going to be there for a little bit before heading out to check the traps with Louis, and she could really use the help. Please?”

“Fine.”

Aasim lingers, shifting his weight as he gives her a chance to say something more, a chance she refuses. 

“Thank you.”

With that, he’s walking away, leaving her by herself to finish a doodle of a pen with curly hair and fire for eyes with a speech bubble. 

“Why are ya still here?”

---

“Is my neck supposed to feel this stiff?”

“Yes. It’s a sign of a good, unmoving model.”

“Well, good to hear that my career is off to a good start.”

Louis is still sitting there at the table, cracking jokes and trying his best not to move while James and Tenn draw. James points to various parts of Louis’ face before motioning to Tenn’s paper, something that brings a grin to Clementine’s face. 

“Don’t worry, Clem,” says AJ as he hugs her. “I won’t say anything. Can I go draw now?”

“Have fun, kiddo.”

She can safely leave AJ to catch up on art lessons with James. He promised her he wouldn’t breathe a word of this to anyone- even Tenn- until she had everything all planned out.

Now that Mitch has the measurements, the ring is- hopefully- being taken care of, so all that leaves is how she plans on doing this. Several lingering thoughts follow her as she spends most of the day helping around the school, doing usual repairs to the gate and their walls. 

She would’ve checked on Lucy and the other rabbits, but Aasim warned her that Violet was there with Ruby and Louis. She almost pushed him aside and went in anyway, but damn it, she knows better by this point. 

Instead, she and AJ help Omar clean out the fire pit and gather fresh wood, briefly considering letting him in on her intentions. Omar’s a trustworthy friend and while she appreciates his opinion, she decides against telling anyone else until she has the ring. She’s found that battling her eagerness to be growing more difficult with every passing day. 

So much so that she also considers asking about the progress on said ring when she finds Mitch and James near the library’s entrance, speaking in hushed whispers that she couldn’t make out. All talk stopped when she approached them, and began again when Mitch became snappy with her before dragging James away. 

Odd, and not boding well for her, but she firmly believes that if there were any issues she should know about, Mitch would tell her.

When the sky finally turns a lovely mixture of pink and orange, AJ gives her a hug goodnight before making his way over to Tenn’s room for another sleepover. 

Before retiring to her dorm for the night, Clementine pokes her head into the music room to find it empty. A slight disappointment falls over her as she hoped Louis would be up for some piano lessons, but that dissipates when she finds Louis kneeling on AJ’s desk with a roll of duct tape hanging from his mouth when she walks in, a stack of drawings placed beside him. He’s taping up one of the portraits of himself on the wall.

“Ey!” He waves at her before spitting the tape out. “Look at these!” He hops off the desk and points at the one he just hung up. “That’s the one James drew. Charming, isn’t it?”

The amount of detail in the portrait is startling, a fully shaded-in head portrait of Louis that seemingly stares right at her. Even the little details, like his freckles and the scar on his chin, are noticeable.

“It’s way weirder than I thought it’d be,” he says, “having someone stare and dissect every part of your face. Did you know I have a very angular jawline?” He tilts his head up to prove his point. “And James said I have a nice eye shape.”

“He did do you justice,” she says, still admiring the picture. “Very handsome.”

His chuckle comes out loud and anxious, not having expected her to say that. 

“Hah, yeah, except,” then Louis pushes his jacket back to place his hands on his hips, “uhm, do you think my nose is big?”

“What?”

“James said I have a wider nose. He drew it bigger than it actually is, right?”  

“You have a very cute nose.”

“That’s not what I asked.”

Clementine giggles. “Your nose is perfectly fine, Louis.”

He eyes the portrait, still uncertain, only to then gasp as if just remembering something. 

“Oh, wait though, ready for this?” He searches through the pile before plucking the one he wants out. “ This is the one Tenn drew.” He proudly holds it up.

She can’t say she’s not impressed. It’s nowhere near as proportional or advanced as James’, but Clementine can see the effort and charm within the lines. Definitely Tenn’s work.

“Wow,” Clementine smirks, nudging him. “I see it now. James is right, you do have a big nose.”

“ Hey ,” Louis reaches up and playfully pinches her nose, “big talk from little button nose over here.” Louis sticks Tenn’s portrait on the wall, next to James’. “There! We’re getting quite the art gallery.”

“One’s missing, though.” Clementine grabs Louis’ picture of Rosie off the desk and tapes it up with the others.

“Seriously?” he asks sheepishly.

“Oh yeah. We’re never taking that one down.”

“Terrific.”

Louis continues to look through the rest of the drawings. He hums to himself lightly, a tune she recognizes. He sticks more drawings on the wall; ones that AJ drew of him and Tenn, one he drew of Disco Broccoli.

He pauses when he comes across the one of AJ, Clementine, and him. The one with the beach ball. He smiles fondly at it before sticking it up there with the rest.

She sits on AJ’s bed, leaning against the frame to close her eyes and listen to his cheerful humming. 

One of the few things she loves in this world is the comfort she has when he’s around. 

It’s a comfort she never thought she’d find again. Before Ericson, she and AJ never had time for comfortable peace. When it was just them, there was always that lurking feeling, that bitterness, that lingered in her thoughts. 

Now, they have a place they call home. 

Clementine can’t imagine where they would’ve ended up had she not crashed the car. They’d still be out in the world, scavenging every little bit they could to survive. They never would’ve met the people she now considered family.

She and Louis would’ve never met, where she and AJ never met anyone at Ericson. 

That’s a really shitty thing to think about.

Finding this place, their home, was the best thing that happened to them. Meeting everyone here- Louis, Violet, Mitch, Ruby, Aasim, everyone - has done so much for them. For years, she worried about her and AJ, about always being on the road in a car that constantly ran on fumes, about running across assholes who wanted to hurt them, about the dead finally getting the best of them. Nowhere to go, no direction. A neverending search. 

 She sneaks a glance at Louis. He has no idea. 

He finishes up, shoving the duct tape in a drawer. Leaning against the desk with arms crossed over his chest, he looks at her with a tired grin, but says nothing. 

She raises a brow. 

“What?”

He shrugs.

It’s like the weariness of their previous night has caught up to him, like something triggered a sinking reality that weighs him down. The shadows along his face from the setting light do nothing to hide the sadness betraying his eyes.

She slowly approaches him and reaches out to grab his hand, tugging him closer to her.

“Hey,” she murmurs.

“Hey.”

“You feeling any better?”

“Of course.”

“Really?” Clementine locks their fingers together. “It’s been a long time since you’ve had one that bad.”

He keeps his stare focused on their hands. “...It wasn’t that bad.”

“Louis.”

“Clementine.”

“It was about that woman, wasn’t it?”

He says nothing, but she can see the answer clear in his eyes.

Yes, Clem, you know it was. It always is.

The first and only living person Louis ever personally killed, and it was purely accidental. It frustrates her that it still haunts him, and even more so that it’ll always haunt him. Even when he expressed the relief of “having it in him” to protect those he loves, there’s always a suffocating weight that comes with the first. If anyone knew that, it’s Clementine. 

That kind of guilt, no matter how irrational, never stops. 

“Dorian.”

“Hm?”

Louis closes his eyes and leans forward to press his forehead to hers.

“Her name was Dorian.”

“Lou-”

“I know.” He pulls back, forcing a smile. “I know.” 

His gaze falls on her nose. He pinches it again. 

“I don’t wanna talk about it right now. Is that okay?”

“Yeah,” she smiles sincerely. “Just… want to make sure you’re alright.”

“You don’t have to worry about me so much, Clem. There are more important ways to spend your time.”

More important? 

She supposes that’s a good way to put it. 

“Y’know, I was thinking about what you said this morning,” Clementine smiles. “AJ’s having another sleepover with Tenn tonight, so we have the whole room to ourselves.” 

Louis raises a brow, a slow smirk spreading across his lips. 

“Wanna build a pillow fort?”

“You read my mind.”

Without any hesitation, she kisses him. It’s a quick, soft, comforting peck that catches him off guard.

Another kiss to his lips, and then another. Clementine holds onto the nape of his neck and moves to his chin, his cheek, placing soft, intimate kisses against his warm skin. 

He looks at her with lidded eyes before his hands caress her cheeks, his thumb brushing just below her eye.

He kisses her, eager for every press of her mouth. He doesn’t stop kissing her, even when she tightens her grip on his jacket and pulls him back with her. The desk hits her hip and he’s quick to lift her up onto the surface, almost knocking over her venus fly trap plant.  

A pleased sigh escapes her lungs as she desperately moves to his jaw, down his neck. Her hands move beneath his jacket, trailing down to the hem of his shirt before bunching the material up. His skin is warm. His breathing is quick, shallow.  

“Clem! Clem!”

Louis yanks back, their lips parting quickly with a loud smack as she nearly topples over from the force of him ripping away. 

The bedroom door slams open and in barges Willy. 

She’s disoriented, lightheaded, blinking rapidly and frantically searching for any sign of danger. All she finds is Louis, who’s now over at AJ’s desk, humming incredibly loud, and Willy hurrying in with a triumphant smile.

“Clem, guess wha-!” The second he sees Louis, he stops and gasps. “Oh no!”

“Oh, look, darling!” Louis stops pretending to look at the pictures and glares at the young boy. “It’s Willy, the boy who doesn’t know how to knock! Nice of you to pop in unannounced this late in the evening !”

Willy’s face flushes a scarlet red as his gaze darts between the two, falling down to Louis’ shirt, which remains lifted to reveal part of his stomach. 

Louis yanks the material down, fake coughing.  

Willy’s face is reminiscent of a fresh tomato at this point. It seems that even he got the sense of what was happening before he ran in. 

Clementine slips down from the desk and tries to casually straighten out her own jacket and adjust her hat with an unfazed face, even though she’s positive that her skin is blotchy and red, too. 

“I’m sorry!” Willy blurts out, covering his eyes. “I didn’t see anything! I’ll knock next time! I swear!”

“Uh-huh,” Louis frowns. “Said that last time, didn’t you?”

Now she’s not sure who’s redder, her or Willy.

“Willy, what do you want?’ Clementine sighs. She composes herself and approaches the boy.

His eyes went to Louis before meeting hers. That’s all she needs.

“Is it Mitch?” 

Willy nods.

Clementine’s heart flutters. Choosing her words carefully, she asks, “Is he done?”

Willy nods once more. 

“Done with what?” Louis asks. 

“Uh-”

“Watch,” Clementine interrupts. “I completely forgot that I have watch.”

“Seriously?” Louis asks, confused. “Wait, I thought Ruby had watch tonight.”

“I switched her,” she lies, moving towards Willy and adding, “I’ll be there in a few minutes.”

Willy leaves without another word, staring down at the floor. Clementine holds back an annoyed sigh. The previous mood is completely gone and now she’s made a mess of lies that she’s gotta detangle before Louis gets suspicious. 

Damn it, Willy. 

Couldn’t have waited until morning. 

Louis gives a thoughtful frown. 

“I’m a little worried about him,” he says, “about Mitch, I mean.”

“Oh, uh, really?”

"Something weird’s going on with him,” Louis nods. “He’s been down in the basement every day for the past week and- ...Well, I went to check on him this morning before breakfast.”

Panic shoots through her stomach and into her heart.

Louis pauses, unsure if he should continue. 

“And?” Clementine presses.

 “...Well, when I tried going down the stairs, I think- well, it was probably nothing. I probably didn’t see what I thought I saw because I could’ve sworn I saw James down there, too-”

Clementine’s stomach drops.

“-and I don’t know what they were doing but before I could even get down the stairs, Mitch threw a shoe at me.”

“A shoe?”

Oh, goddamn it, Mitch-

“Yeah, right at my face! He about hit me in my big nose!”

Clementine rolls her eyes. “Again with the nose thing?”

“I’ve accepted its abnormally monstrous size,” he says. “Anyway, then I saw him again on my way to the greenhouse and he wouldn’t even look at me. Not that he’s one for conversation or anything, but it’s like… I don’t know. It felt weird. I don’t know what he’s doing down in the basement or what they’re doing if that really was James I saw. I’m not sure I want to know.”

“I’m sure it was nothing.”

“Probably… I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone shout ‘no!’ and ‘out!’ that many times in a ten-second time frame before hurling shoes at me. It was pretty terrifying.”

“Mitch is…” Clementine’s at a loss. While she’s thankful for Mitch’s ability to think on his feet so quickly, she wasn’t sure if she approved of the shoe method. “...Hard to understand sometimes, and he and James are friends so it’s not that weird that they’re hanging out together.”

Louis considers this, though she can tell he’s not completely convinced. 

“...Do you think they’re… I mean, it’s none of my business but if there was something going on between them-”

Oh boy.

Louis then shakes his head, changing his mind. 

“Y’know what? I’m sure it was nothing.”

She sighs. So much for not making Louis suspicious of anything. Then again, maybe this is her fault. She did tell James that Mitch was working on fixing the ring, and she should’ve known that would lead to him trying to help. 

“He’s working on a project,” she says lamely. “He probably wants a second opinion on it from James. ”

“A bomb project? I didn’t think James was a fan of explosions.”

“Firecrackers work as a great distraction for the walkers,” says Clementine, which isn’t a total lie. Mitch brought up the suggestion to James a while ago. They spent a long time discussing the idea if she remembers correctly. 

Well, better not let sweet Ruby know,” Louis says. “She’s still got a personal grudge towards Mitch’s bombs ever since that thing in the greenhouse, you know.”

“Oh, I’m aware,” she smirks. “ ‘A bomb? I will whip his ass!’ ”

Her Ruby impression gets a chuckle out of him. “Hope he knows a shoe won’t be enough to stop her. If anything, that’s just provoking the beast.”

“He’ll have to learn that for himself,” she smiles. Clementine approaches him again, fixing the collar of his jacket and apologizing, “Sorry I can't stay and help you build an amazing, comfortable pillow fort. Will you be okay?”

“Don’t worry about me, darling.” He grabs her hand and kisses her cheek. “We can always build a pillow fort another night, or, uhm, finish what we started. Maybe I’ll go tickle the ivories for a while before bed, so if I don’t see you before your finished or if I’m not awake, goodnight and stay warm.”

She gives him a long kiss goodbye before she leaves. 

One the door’s shut, she takes a moment to take a deep breath. 

Her face still feels warm after all the excitement. She’s still a little annoyed at the interruption, but if she’s right about what Willy was trying to imply, then she has to hurry. She can only hope that Mitch found a way to fix the ring.

The wait is starting to make her anxious.

[mindofharry]

troubled.

hate is a very strong word.

But harry styles is sure he hates maya clearwater. With every bone is his body, he hates that girl. He hates her curly black hair, that she sometimes straightens (which he hates too). He hates the way she smiles her pearly white teeth on show for everyone to see. He hates the way her dimple show everytime she laughs, she laughs so loud people can her from a mile away. He hates the way people love her. How she has so many friends. He hates the way teachers praise her. The dictionary meaning of the word hate, is to feel an intense dislike for someone. And Harry’s sure he had more than a feeling of intens dislike for maya.

As for maya, she loved everyone. She was just easy to be around. Everyone she’d ever met, she got on with. Except for: Harry styles. She could never really put her finger on him. Why he always got so annoyed when she joined him and his friends. She had to admit, he wasn’t who everyone thought he was. But she was hopeful. Hopeful that he would change his ways, and be his true self. The one the fans think he is. But maybe that’s one of her so called ‘toxic traits’ always being hopeful and believing there’s good in people. Even with there may not be an ounce. Maya had been like that since she was a child. You might call her a push over or naive, but she always believed in second chances and seeing the good side of people. Even when they’ve made her upset or angry.

Maya and Harry had met at Sarah’s, Harry’s drummers, party. It was New Year’s Eve, everyone seemed to be getting on really enjoying themselves. Until maya arrived. Harry had disliked her since the moment she layed on her.

He was upset because she didn’t remember him. She never texted him back. And definitely looked much better than he did. They had met briefly before at a mutual friend’s birthday party, they exchanged numbers, maya promising him they would meet up again soon. But as Harry waited, there was no call or text. And that’s when he decided he would hate maya clearwater forever. And he would make everyone know about it.

And they did.

When maya and Harry finally had met properly, able to talk and actually say hello, Harry was the rudest he had ever been his life. Sarah was so beyond embarrassed as she had met maya only a month ago, and was really trying to get to know her more. Sarah apologised profusely to maya when she decided she would head home early.

“Maya, please don’t leave! I’ll sort it out!” Sarah said red in the face from embarrassment. Maya shook her hear bringing her new friend into a hug before kissing her cheek.

“I promise we can celebrate together another time. Please don’t worry about this, I’ve already forgotten about it” maya lied putting a fake smile “you should too” she continued nodding her head before grabbing her red coat and black back before hugging Sarah again.

“I’ll text you when I’m home” maya said before leaving the house.

So maya went home and cried. And then she put on her fake smile, and forgot about. This is what she did, she cried. And then it was forgotten. She didn’t like to dwell on things, and she was already insecure enough, she didn’t need heart throb Harry styles bringing her down too.

The next time maya and Harry met was when she was dragged to another party at her college. Of course she wasn’t expecting to see one of the most famous singers in the world today at her friends college party. She had remembered back to the words that he spoke at Sarah’s party, but she quickly put her thoughts to rest as her friend, Jane, brought her to the dance floor.

Harry saw her curly black hair and her red dress before maya realised he was here. He sighed bringing the beer to his lips. Why was she always where he was? Why was she always in his thoughts? Why can’t maya clearwater leave him alone?

Harry snickered to his friends as he watched her and her friend dance together. He nudged his friend tom, pointing over to maya. “She looks like a stick” Harry laughed and the boys all nodded laughing along. Maya stopped dancing and looked over at Harry with tears in her eyes. Jane was trying to get maya to dance, while maya stood there looking Harry in the eye, her brown skin glistening with sweat and tears. Harry almost felt half bad, but he soon forgot about that once he remembered what she did. He smirked at her sipping at his beer once more as he watched her walk away from her friend and leave the house.

Maya had cried one too many tears on this man. She had hardly even talked to this man! They had met twice, barely the second time.

She just wanted to know why he hated her so much. She had always tried to be the nicest person she could possibly be. That’s what her mum asked of before she died. You could say maya had a wild child phase, while her mum was sick. She just couldn’t expect that her mum was going to die. So she abused drugs and alcohol, and she became known as the towns whore. She was naive and she was defintly in denial. But maya thought if she did this it would numb the pain. She would forget that her mum could possible die while she was out having sex with any beating heart.

“Baby. I need you to be good when I’m gone. I need you to look after dad and toby, ok?” Her mum said tears in her eyes and maya grabbed her mother’s hand tears running down her face.

“I need you to be better. To love yourself. Respect yourself. And please, please. Treat people with kindness”

And maya never forgot that. She eventually calmed down, went to therapy. Helped her brother with school and stuff a mother and father should be doing. But her dad was depressed. He knew this was coming, but he lost the love of his life. But soon everything went back to whatever normal was. Her dad would smile. Toby would ask about their mum, but no one would cry. It took a good few years to mend their hearts, but they did that with, collette clearwaters words:

“I need you to be better. To love yourself. Respect yourself”

The next time Harry and maya met, Harry had crossed the line and maya had, had enough. She was completely done with Harry styles.

Maya had a rough day. She failed a maths test she thought she’d aced. Her roommate was moving out and on top of that her dads birthday was in two days and she couldn’t reach the shops because her car broke down, and she forgot to bring money for the bus. She had to walk to college, in the rain. All her books and clothes were soaked, and her poor straightened hair was no more.

She needed a friend, so she texted sarah before walking to her house. She never ever did this, just show up. But she needed some friend cuddles and a warm cup of tea. She arrived to Sarah’s house 10 minutes later with still no text. She didn’t want to be rude, but she really just needed someone. Maya knocked on Sarah’s front door.

Sarah opened it excited, confused and a little worried.

“H....hi.... i texted but you um didn’t reply so so i....i thought i could stop by, maybe?” Maya stuttered. Sarah smiled warmly at maya pulling her into a hug. “No need to text. I’m always here for you love, whenever” Sarah replied rubbing maya’s back.

“it’s just harrys here, and i know the two of you don’t really get on” Sarah stated and maya bit her lip. She really needed this. She didn’t want to be in a mood when her dad got home. So she nodded “it’s ok. I’m sure he can put his hatred for me away for today”

Maya walked in hand in hand with Sarah, Harry’s band looking up immediately. They all greeted you with an unsure look, looking between you and Harry. You smiled at them all including Harry, but he just scowled. Her smile immediately dropped, Sarah pulling her to the sofa beside her boyfriend Mitch.

“What’s stick doing here?” Harry asked with a half smirk. The tension was now very clear in the room. “I’m not a stick Harry” maya replied biting her lip once again. She was probably going to lead a lot of Vaseline after this conversation. “hmm y’sure” he asked rolling his eyes.

maya sighed leaning back into the sofa grabbing the pillow beside and tried covering her body with it. The room was silent and uncomfortable, before Harry opened his mouth again. “i asked you a question.” Harry said leaning his elbow on his leg, holding up his head.

maya shook her head, again biting her lip, and sighed. “I just had a rough day, needed some company. s’all” maya mumbled seeing Harry roll his green eyes once again.

“What are you gonna cry again?”

“Everytime i open my mouth, you cry. It honestly getting old maya! cut the act” Harry said leaning back. Maya sighed her eyes once again, filling with tears. “We don’t have time for this, go on home and cry to your mummy instead” he said and Sarah gasped.

“Harry” she yelled trying to grab your hand as you stood up with a sob.

“I don’t know what I’ve done to you Harry. But I’m so sorry. For whatever i did. I really am. But when you bring my family into whatever sick hatred you have with me, is where i draw the fucking line”. Maya said with tears running down her face. Harry looked almost shocked and upset?

“My mums dead harry”

The room was immediately silenced and Harry let out a curse as he stood up.

“M...maya”

“No! No! You don’t get to apologise and pity me once you figure out my mother is dead” maya yelled waving her hands around as he walked closer to her. “You have hurt me Harry. You really have. Don’t ever fucking come near me again” maya said grabbing her bag before running out of her friends house.

“Fuck”

A week later Harry had tried to reach maya a total of 456 ways. He had texted her and phoned her and tried to get her when she was out and about. He even went to her house. He even wrote her letters? This boy was truly sorry. He hadn’t stopped to think about the possibilities of her losing his number. Or him putting in the wrong number. Or maybe she just wasn’t interest. And lastly, maybe she did forget. And he should’ve been ok way that. But Harry wasn’t. He hated her. He hated her so much, and now he can’t stand the thought of her hating him. Of her doing the same thing he did to her.

The only way he was sure this apology would be written well, would be through a song. Something he was quite good at. You could really feel the emotion from the song when he preformed it with the band. It was named fine line. Quite depressing but happy and the same time.

Sarah wasn’t sure when Harry tried to persuade her into giving maya the song. But when Harry started crying her eyes widened and grabbed the paper before dropping the note in maya’s bag. She knew maya wouldn’t take it, even from her.

So she snuck it into her science notes in her bag, a place she knew maya would look today.

And Sarah was right of course.

Maya saw the note. And at first she wa confused. But then she read the note, telling her to plug the disc in and listen carefully.

‘ put a price on emotion ‘

Maya let out a strangled sigh as she heard the voice of Harry. Her eyes filling up with tears as she listened to the song.

‘ we’ll be alright ’

Maya picked up her phone sobbing as she looked for the number Harry rang her with.

She nodded when he picked up letting out a sob.

‘ we’ll be a fine line. We’ll be alright ‘

[thewritingstar]

Until My Heart Stops Racing

Pairing: Mitch x Mike (or Bitch as I like to call them, ya know cause Believe x Mitch.....nvm lol) 

Fandom: The Powerpuff Girls 

Note: This was a commission for the wonderful @lisathefan who gave me the cutest prompt and I know she loves her crack ships. I hope you enjoy my dear and thanks to my beta, Faxx for helping me! 

Word count: 5538

---

The car whipped into the parking space, dirt flying around us and I felt my heart rate finally go back to its normal beating. I looked over to Butch who had a goofy grin and ignoring everything he just did.

“Butch your driving is terrible. Now I get why you fly everywhere.” I groaned as I finally got out of the car. “I swear if Brick saw how you drove this thing... actually I don’t want to think about it.” I thought that speeding was illegal but apparently if the cops can’t even see your car, it's a free pass. And being in touch with the puffs might be a bonus we all have.

Butch let out a laugh before locking the car. “Relaxe Mike, what Brick doesn’t know won’t hurt him.” He shrugged and sometimes I wondered how he could even say that. Brick could kill someone with just a glance but when you are a superhuman, and his brother, maybe the effect doesn’t work.

Maybe I should ask Blossom about that.

The beeping of other cars brought me out of my trance as I followed him on the dirt path.

“Anyways, why did you drag me all the way out here?” I turned to see the lights and the signs. “The fair?”

In front of me was the entrance to what could only be deemed as a somehow legal way to make people shell out three hundred dollars on cheap food and even cheaper ride systems. Every kid wanted to go to the fair and, yeah, it was fun when you were five, but now that we had just graduated high school, it seemed more dangerous than fun.

“Yeah, why not?”

I glanced at him and he only smiled widely but something in his eyes had mischief written all over it. “What's the deal?”

He sighed and smirked.

“A little birdy told me you got heart eyes for a certain someone.” Butch threw his arm around my shoulder. “And as the king of romance, I’m gonna help you out.”

Theres always a small tinge of fear whenever Butch gets an idea. It either ends badly where someone gets hurt, usually him or bad in the way that we all get in trouble and the notorious Powerpuff Girls have to get us out of it. But this...this was much worse.

“Butch, what did you do?” I said through gritted teeth. He only laughed at me instead of answering and pushed up towards the gates.

“Relax. Look they are here.” He pointed.

I followed his sight and walking up towards us was Buttercup, Robin and Mitch. Butch let out another laugh, probably because he could hear my heartbeat. Fuck superhearing. Of course Robin opened her mouth. You tell a girl while you’re throwing up that you have the biggest crush on your best friend who wears dark leather, has piercings and makes your heart swoon and think that she can keep her mouth shut. But no, she can’t.

“Hey guys.” Butch waves to him before leaving me to wrap his arms around Buttercup and ignore the public by kissing her square on the lips. PDA is always gross unless you’re the one doing it, so I can’t blame them. Also it's funny to watch her smack his arm.

“Sup Mikey.” Robin smiles smugly. Little demon.

“Hey. Hi Mitch.” He gives me a wave and a nod of the head and I have to mentally tell myself not to blush. Stupid hormons.

“Come on you two.” Robin says and grabs my arm and Mitch’s and forces us towards the carnival’s entrance. “Lets go!”

One of the perks to being besties with the puffs is the mass amount of freebies. Buttercup swiftly pulled out a ticket for each of us and handed it to the ticket collector.

“Sweet, free entrance.” Mitch smiled at me and held up his hand for a fist bump.

I gladly returned the gesture and every time I did so, I wondered if he could feel the electric spark between us. God, I need to stop reading romance novels.

“Alright losers. We’ll see you all later tonight, meet up for fireworks at 9?” Buttercup said and apparently everyone already had a plan that I was not aware of.

“Sounds good to me!” Butch smirked. “BC and I are going to do coupley stuff no one wants to see and Robin said something about henna soooooo.” He looked at me. “Guess Mitchy boy and Mikey are on their own.” I didn’t miss his wink and before I could protest, everyone was walking away.

My mind was now racing as I tried to comprehend what was happening. I realized in this moment that the group had ganged up on us, well specifically me. Mitch probably didn’t even think twice as the group broke up but they were out of their minds if they thought something was going to happen.

“Wanna hit the rides?” He asked.

I take a breath before nodding. We turn into the direction of the ride area and I have to remind myself that he is just a friend. A friend. Nothing more, nothing less. I usually have my emotions in check but for some reason, they want to act up now. All I have to do is get through tonight without embarrassing myself or giving Butch the satisfation of him being the king of romance. As if that were possible.

The area is buzzing with so much energy. There’s little kids whining and screams coming from the various rides. The smells of corn dogs, popcorn and, oddly enough, waffles mixed in the air and I can’t tell if it smells good or not but I know my pockets are gonna be much lighter by the end of the night.

We get into the shortest line for the tickets and it's truly a scam that each ride is a separate cost.

“I don’t feel like dying tonight so I think two rides is good for me.” Mitch says and I laugh a little because it's true. Just watching the swings makes me feel like one of them unhinge and plummet to the ground but that's what I get for being a paranoid person.

“I feel you. How about the rollercoaster and ummm... the spinning ride?” I suggest.

“Sounds good to me.” He smiles and god fucking dammit, those damn dimples.

The line moves as we chat about the newest horror movie coming into theaters and how Mitch saw a certain pair of redheads making out in a car.

“Wait for real?”

“I swear to god dude.” He raised his hand. “Unless some other chick wears a big ass bow, it has to be them.”

“Interesting.” I smile and soon we get called next.

“Hi there boys, how many tickets can I get ya?” the older woman asks.

“Ten.” Mitch says and I reach into my pocket to grab my wallet, that may or may not have a photo of all of our friends and definitely not for the reason that I can see his face at any given time, but Mitch stops me and places the cash in the tin. “I got it.” he says casually and something inside me felt all warm and fuzzy as the row of blue tickets was handed to him.

“Have a nice date night.” The woman says as we walk away and I almost do a double take thinking I heard her wrong. But when I look over to Mitch, he seems unaffected by the words so I just let it slide.

The rollercoaster isn’t as grand or cool as the ones at the theme park, it doesn’t even go upside down but it has a good bit of hills and bumps to give some air time so i guess it will do. The only problem is that these workers don’t care and make Mitch and I sit in the same cart as these two younger kids.

After we get the bars onto us, the ride starts to go. In front of us the girl grabs the boy's arm and I give a small eye roll as we start to climb the lift hill.

“Babe I'm scared.” She cries and he wraps an arm around her shoulders and I’ve never been so jealous of middle schoolers before.

“These carts are so damn small.” Mitch complains. And it's true. The two of us squished in this together leaves no space for our arms. The pressure of our shoulders touching isn’t too bad but it's to the point it almost hurts. “Hold on.” He says and I feel him pull his right arm away from mine and throw it behind us. “Sorry this is better.”

“No, it's cool bro.” I say even though I realize that this boy really just made it ten times harder to breath now.

I can barely grasp my surroundings as the rollercoaster takes its first turn before the drop. I can see the ending of the track as we go down but the only thing my brain is processing is the fingers tightening on my shoulder.

“Holy shit.” I mumble hoping that Mitch doesn’t know how he's affecting me.

We let out screams and shouts as we go up and down, flying around on the track and I try to enjoy myself, I really do. Before long, it's over and Mitch reaches his hand out to help me up and I take it with silence.

“That was fun.” He smiles and I am really happy he ignored his moms protests and got that lip piercing. It suits him.

“Yeah.” Is all I can muster and he gives me a look before walking towards the next ride.

Luckily as we enter this ride, there’s more room. Only our knees touch as we buckle in the seatbelt and I feel myself being able to breathe better.

“Good thing we didn’t eat before getting on here.” I laugh as the lights start to flash.

He snorts and nods. “Robin would have blown chunks either way.”

The ride is a simple circular track with small hills. All it does is follow the path and goes around pretty fast. Simple but a classic. The music begins and soon we feel the cart shift. I'm sitting on the right while Mitch is on the left, next to the exit and he wiggles off his black beanie just for good measure. His light brown hair, slightly damaged from dying it black back in freshman year, is ruffled from hat hair and my god is it cute.

“Fucking love this ride.” Mitch smiles and it begins to pick up the pace.

Soon, we are at full speed, which is fine. Perfectly fine. Except for the fact that the gravity from the ride is pulling me towards Mitch and no matter how tight I hold on, I end up smacked against him. Shoulders touching and I can clearly smell his cologne. It's the scent of sandalwood and campfire and my god does it smell heavenly. Men just smell like nature and I am more than okay with that.

But Mitch doesn’t mind, because why would he? Instead he's laughing and truly enjoying the ride. I smile and laugh too because honestly, it's just fun to spend time with him. The ride is over faster than I wanted and we hop off, slightly dizzy and I walk a little out of line but he catches my arm and pulls me to him.

“Easy dude.” He chuckles and I nudge him playfully and ruffle his hair before he plops on his beanie. Goodbye cute hat hair.

All of a sudden, my shoulder is hit. It was a pretty hard smack and my body jolted to the side as Mitch grabbed me from falling.

“Look a bunch of homos.” I look up and realize that it's some assholes from our school.

Duke Jones and Mark Dalton. Some of the few people who actually try to be douchebags on the regular.

My eyes do heavy eye rolls and I want to scream at them but I've never been a confronting person. My voice is in my throat but Mitch takes a step forward, his hand never leaving my arm.

“And what of it? Really dudes? You think some lame insult is gonna hurt our feelings. You’re lucky I don’t just kick your ass, better enough I can call Buttercup in a second and have your bodies all the way across this place. Grow the fuck up and maybe don’t choke on your toxic masculanity.” He sneered and sometimes I forget that Mitch can be pretty intimidating.

Their eyes widened as Mitch pulled out his phone to show BC’s number. They mutter something before turning and rushing off in a hurry.

“You okay?” He asks me.

“Yeah.” I say. “Sorry you got caught in that.”

“It's not a big deal.”

But it is. It's not a secret that I'm out and proud. Yeah its cool and all to not have to be closeted, even Princess came out last year so its nice to know that someone higher up won’t pick on me, but even then, it sucks. No matter where I go in life, someone will be there with a flame thrower of slurs or anger for something I didn’t choose. As for Mitch, theres something about him being called gay and him not having a hissy fit about it that makes me feel safe. Uhh fuck.

I take a second to recollect myself and Mitch just pulls me from the herds of eyes that saw that fiasco.

“Lets go here.” He points to the hall of mirrors and for some reason it's beginning to get extremely hard to be around him.

But I take a deep breath and push those feelings to the side once again.

--

The hall of mirrors was by far the lamest thing the fair could have done. Sure, as a little kid it was cool and slightly scary but now, all of our heads could see just above the tips of the mirrors making it lose the effect. It probably would have been more fun if the others were there. Butch would hide behind the mirros trying to scare us before Buttercup sent some lasers his way causing them to bounce everywhere and making us duck and cover. Good times. However, it was just Mitch and me.

While Mitch was walking, I couldn’t stop thinking about those jerks just now. Of course everyone already knew about my preference but Mitch seemed unbothered by being referred to as gay. Probably because he's not some asshole that thinks it's a bad thing, I mean if he did, why would he be friends with me for all this time? He’s just a good person, that's all.

Not to sound like the coming of age kid, but I knew I was into dudes before I could comprehend the idea of love or romance, I just thought they were pretty to look at. Moving to a new city at such a young age was hard for me, not to mention the whole invisible friend that tried to kill everyone. But after everything was said and done, I did in fact make some friends.

The famous superheroes had become my pals and when Buttercup introduced me to Mitch, I think that's when it all went downhill. We became the dynamic duo and everyone always paired us as the best friends, which is true but...it makes me feel guilty.

He turned a corner and I stopped walking. All of a sudden I was lost and staring at a mirror. Just me in my beat up sneakers and the uncertain face I seem to be wearing a lot lately. There's always a time in your life where you stop and contemplate everything, question all your decisions and how nothing truly matters.

“Hey you stopped walking?” Mitch said to me and I looked at him with a shaky smile.

“Sorry. Lost in thought I guess.”

“Care to share?” He asked and leaned against one of the mirrors.

I laughed to myself thinking about what I could possibly say. “Yeah sure Mitch, why don’t I just tell you that I’m in love with you and how it pains me to wake up to know that you will only see me as just a friend. Why don’t I just rip out my heart and put it on a silver platter for you to squash or just confess and kiss you here, ignoring all the states and hopefully pissing off some people?”

“...What?”

My eyes shot open and my eyes met his. He looked at me with confusion and shock. His mouth hung open slightly and it took me a solid three seconds to relaize that my dumb ass had just blurted that all out.

Panic. That's all I could feel as he stared like a deer caught in headlights. I could feel myself on the verge of tears and suddenly the air was too thick as I turned and ran, not caring about the employee telling me I was going the wrong way.

Mitch’s voice echoed behind me but I couldn’t stand to turn and look towards him. To hear the pure rejection and probably the disgust. Throwing away years of friendship for some stupid feelings? What was I thinking?

After nearly hitting my head several times, I made it out and ignored the weird stares and glances people were giving me. All I wanted to do was find Butch and get out of here and hope that I can just pack up and move away for college. Maybe even change my name.

Instead I found myself pushing my way into the bathroom stall and biting my arm to stifle my sobs. I felt like my heart was about to shatter, that all my nightmares where coming true all thanks to my stupid mouth. I was a fool to think that someone like him would even consider me as something more, a complete and utter fool.

“Mike?” A voice called and of course the sneakers peaking outside the stall belonged to Butch.

“What?” I spat bitterly. “Go away.”

I barely heard his sigh. “Dude, I don’t know what happened but suddenly Buttercup saw you burst into here. Really dude, is everything fine? At least come out and talk to us. Plus it smells really bad in here and there's a line of dudes.”

There's some truth to the matter and I wiped my face and pushed open the stall with a little too much force but luckily he grabbed it and just nodded towards the exit.

Robin and Buttercup are standing outside and luckily, I don’t see Mitch.

“Wanna explain what happened?” Robin asks as she hands me a tissue from her purse.

“No. I just wanna go home.”

Buttercup looks arounds then back to me. “Where's Mitch.”

“Probably somewhere and never wants to see me again.” I mumble.

“What?” She asks and looks towards Butch then back to me.

Butch raised his brow. “Mike, did you tell him?”

“Tell him what?” Buttercup asked.

It was at that moment that Buttercup didn’t know that I was practically in love with her best friend. Maybe Robin and Butch planned this together but it didn’t matter, not anymore. I would be losing two friends after this. Great.

“Look. It doesn’t matter. He doesn’t feel the same way.” My throat is dry and it hurts and there's no doubt that my face is red and flushed with tears. “I'm just gonna call my mom to come get me.”

“Come on Mike don’t go.” Robin asked and she padded my arm.

“You don’t get it, Robin.” I spat. “You don’t understand what I just did. Thanks to someone’s dumb idea, I now lost my best friend. And for what? Did we really think he would like me back? That he could even see me in such a way? I don’t even know if he’s gay or let alone into dudes. But who gives fuck? I don’t.”

Butch took a step towards me but my anger only rose. “C’mon Mike I'm sure-”

“This was a stupid idea Butch!” I yelled and at that moment I didn’t care what anyone thought. I was embarrassed and hurt. “I just want to be alone.” I pushed past him and the others, ignoring everything they were saying because it didn’t matter any more.

It didn’t matter that my friends tried to help something that shouldn’t have even been considered. It was just a stupid crush. Nothing more, nothing less. Hopefully by the new semester, it would be gone and out of my system…. hopefully. A stupid crush that I’d been harboring for years and titling on a scale of something more.

It wasn’t long until my tears dried and I found myself among the section of carnival games. All of the rigged and hard to win and if you did win, it would be a small sappy prize that you would toss into a garbage bag or try to sell for a nickel at a garage sale.

There were darts and guessing the weight of a small pig. The basketball tossing and hitting the giant hammer looked tempting but instead I walked to the game that no one had ever won. Ring toss. A game of chance and so incredibly rigged, it's a miracle if one prize is won in a year.

Without a second thought, I gave up a fresh twenty dollar bill and the girl working, who clearly hated her job, handed me the biggest bucket of rings. Enough to keep me entertained until I call my mom or muster up enough courage to ask Butch for a ride back like a dog with its tail inbetween its legs.

I thought I had it all figured out. I thought I could be okay with this. But I was stupid. Stupid to think that the boy I had a crush on, one of my best friends, would like me back, or even be into dudes for that matter. But no, instead of having my secret crush kept, ya know, a secret, the one person who shouldn’t know, did.

I tossed another ring into the sea of bottles, the high pitched clinking echoed for just a moment as another was tossed. Maybe this was pointless. Maybe trying to figure out feelings was a waste of time because in all honesty, I never knew.

Like the plastic rings people pay way too much for, you jump and you think you’ll land on that bottle, secure the prize and show everyone up. Prove that you can do the impossible.

But then you miss and reality comes back. The bucket dwindles down and soon you’re left with nothing but regret for trying and shorting eight bucks.

“Hey.”

I turned, of course he would follow me. Why wouldn’t he? He was probably here just to tell me to let it go and sweep it under the rug, and say it's not weird when it totally is. Or he was going to come out and say that maybe our friendship has come to its expiration date.

“Oh. Hey.” I threw another one, missing again.

I tried not to care as he stood next to me but I passed him the bucket and he took his own shot, missing, just like me.

“Have you been crying?” He asked and there was no way around it.

“Yep.” I popped the p and threw another ring. “Look Mitch, I’m sorry what I said-”

“Don’t be.”.

Oh

“Most guys would just push someone like me away if that happened.”

He hummed and tossed a ring, missing. “Well, I’m not like most guys and I thought that was pretty clear. Especially after those jerks. I value your friendship too much to get worried or upset.”

I looked over at him, and that in itself was a mistake, because it would be just my luck that the other carnival games with their bright flashing lights would surround him and make it seem like he was glowing. The lights soften his features, a small twinkle on the black orb of his earring and making those very so light freckles appear.

Almost like a painting hung up in a museum. You think the trip is boring, and for the most part it is. A few interesting things here and there but just as you are about to leave, you find a room you hadn’t explored. It could be nothing and you could leave, forgetting everything in the last three hours and moving on with your life.

Or it could be life changing. As if when you walked in there, the most captivating painting was on that wall and you wonder how you skipped it in the first place. You stare at it, taking in the picture itself and the meaning. Stepping closer and looking at the paint strokes, the time taken to make this is clear and it's full of questions and mystery. The small plaque on the wall fails to answer.

He picked up the last ring. It twirled in his fingertips unsure of where to go.

“I kept thinking, you know.” He said. “I remember watching a show, a random cartoon and an ad for a pride festival popped up. I thought nothing of it, didn’t know what it meant at the time but my father did. He was outraged and changed the channel, screamed and shouted saying that if his son ever was caught doing something like that…” Mitch paused and closed his palm.

I could see the hurt in his eyes as he sighed.

“Then he would have no son. So when I found out what it all meant and learned about myself....I thought it would be best to never act on it. No matter how much I wanted to look towards another guy, I couldn’t.”

“I’m sorry Mitch, I didn’t know.” And it was the truth. I wanted to mentally slap myself for not realizing that he was, in fact, gay as well. Way to go Mike, your gay-dar is broken. But then again, you can’t just tell a sexuality clear as day. I can’t blame him for hiding it, after everything with his dad.

He sighed again. “But when you told me that. Told me you wanted me, I think I started to realize that I would rather have something I want no matter what others think of me. I envy how you can just come out and be proud, as you should, but I wish I was that brave instead of a coward.”

“Mitch.” I slid my hand on top of his cautiously. He didn’t flinch or have any indication of pulling away. “I’m scared every day. Scared that someone might yell something offensive or even try to hurt me. Just like those assholes did earlier.But I can’t stop those things from happening but I can choose to not let them affect me. It's hard but you know you’re surrounded by people who care about you. Plus your best friend is an actual superhero.”

“I know, I’m sorry. You probably don’t want to date such a fuck up like me.”

Fuck up? Did this boy really think that?

“I would never see you as that.” I said honestly. “It's normal for us to have conflicting feelings when someone in our life isn't supportive. It's never gonna be a walk in the park or smooth sailing but when you're with someone who cares about you, it makes it easier.”

He sighed for the hundredth time. It was clear the gears in his mind were running at full steam and he looked at the ring in his hand then to the bottles.

“I guess you’re right Mike. I guess I was thrown off that the dude I've liked since kindergarten likes me back.” He looked towards me and tossed the ring, not bothering to pay attention. “I just hope you haven't changed you mind-”

The next thing I know, my hand is tugging on his worn leather collar and his lips are pressed to mine.

I never thought that my first kiss would be as enchanting as this. You always think it's magical and fulfilling but in reality it's probably a mess of lips that don’t move quite as well and somehow there's a tongue doing whatever it wants. I guess I can’t count this as my first kiss because Robin had peaked me on the lips in third grade, also giving me the clear sexual awakening of how I never want another woman to come near me again, but this was different.

He tasted like cotton candy which I should find gross and oddly weird but I didn’t mind one bit. At the beginning there was a bit of hesitation, or maybe he was caught off guard since I did interrupt him but I couldn’t help myself. Stupid hormones. He wasted no time kissing me back and I even felt a hand on my waist pulling towards him. Although it lasted only a few mere seconds, it was like a lifetime of waiting had lifted.

When we pulled apart, loud speakers and alarms went off above us. I looked towards the game, I noticed one single plastic ring was stuck on the bottle. The worker smiled at us before nodding.

“Wow, I can’t believe you made it, especially without looking.” She said and I looked to Mitch who just shrugged.

“What? You kissed me, I just threw it.” He smiled brightly and I hugged him.

“So what will it be?” I asked him and he turned towards the prizes.

“Well, what about that dinosaur?”

“I love dinosaurs.”

Mitch smiled. “I know.”

The worker used a ladder to climb and retrieve the massive blue dinosaur prize. As a kid, i used to dream of winning such a cool thing but know, I think I got something better. Mitch handed it to me with a blush and I looked at it with just as much pink on my cheeks.

“Ya know.” Mitch started. “I have enough tickets for one last ride. Maybe the ferris wheel?”

“That sounds good.” He reached out his hand and I took it. Before I could blink, I felt his lips press against my cheek.

“I don’t like to see you cry.” He said.

I simply hummed and we walked hand in hand to the ferris wheel before deciding to give the prize to some kids. He handed the tickets to the worker as we climbed into the cart and began to go up. He threw his arm over my shoulder like he did on the rollercoaster, but this time, I leaned against him and let those emotions I tried to keep at bay, run wild.

“I’m really glad Butch dragged me here.” I said honestly and Mitch only laughed and silenced me with his lips pressed against mine.

“Me too.”

When we pulled apart, a few questions still lingered in my mind.

“You mean, you’ve liked me this entire time? And you knew I was gay?” I asked hesitantly. It wasn’t a secret, the last part at least.

He scratched the back of his neck, a nervous tick he's had since he was little. “I mean I wasn’t hundred percent sure, I thought maybe it was a one time thing or just happened occasionally. But as we got older, more specifically high school, I think that's when it hit me.” He sighed. “All I knew was that I wanted to be with you until my heart stopped racing.”

His eyes met mine. I’ve always hated when people didn’t see the beauty in brown eyes. They think they are dull and lifeless, only one hue but that's far from the truth. Mitch’s eyes had spots of gold and a slight tint of green, breathtaking to say the least.

“I mean it’s a shame we spent our high school years just as friends.” My hand went on top of his. “But I’d rather have you as my friend instead of losing you so I understand. But what about your dad? Will be okay with us dating-or well I assume we should-”

“I don’t care about his opinion of us. Plus we would be idiots not to date at this point. If he doesn’t accept. That's his loss not mine.” His gaze went to the sky where a firework exploded.

The colors lit up in the sky and we realized we got lucky as our cart stopped at the very top. It felt unreal to be sitting next to my best friend and now, boyfriend. There's always moments in your life that you feel like were meant to be. Maybe it's the career you chose or the person you marry. Milestones that are already set in stone and fate just happens to bring you together, all that stuff. And as I looked at him through heavy lashes I thought that maybe, just maybe, the stars aligned on this one.

That or I would have to admit that Butch is the king of romance, even though he did literally nothing today and this was all me. Either way, Mikey boy’s got a man.

--

I hope you enjoyed love!!

[politicaltheatre]

Dissent

We’ll know soon enough what kind of Supreme Court Justice Amy Coney Barrett will be. Senate Democrats will stall the proceedings as much as they can and try to drag things out so a confirmation vote can’t be taken until after the election, but we must accept that the odds and senate protocols are against them.

Publicly, Democrats up and down the ticket are claiming that their fear is that a Barrett confirmation will kill the Affordable Care Act (ACA) in the middle of a pandemic, and they very well may be right. That, however, isn’t their true fear.

The one they’ll voice when Barrett gets in front of them and the TV cameras is that she would support her benefactor Donald Trump in any lawsuit his people file in their attempts to decide the election through the courts, which they most certainly will do.

Trump’s already said as much. It’s part of his campaign pitch. He’s boasting about it at rallies. He’s counting on it.

As stupid as he often appears, and as stupid as he is about so many things, Trump understands corruption. He lives it and breathes it. He is a bona fide expert in it, so we should listen.

What he, Mitch McConnell, and others who embrace corruption understand is what far too many of us refuse to admit, which is that there is no such thing as an independent judiciary, that there is no such thing as an impartial judge.

This is not to suggest that Judge Barrett is corrupt. The awful truth of it is that she doesn’t have to be. She is reliably right wing, which is more than enough.

Barrett clerked for Justice Antonin Scalia. Like her mentor, she believes that the law does not exist to protect the weak from the strong. It does not exist, in their world, to reduce or correct imbalances of power. It is, instead, an instrument and only that, one by which the capable may exercise their will over others.

As brilliant as he was and as brilliant as she may be, theirs is the law of the school debate team. To them, winning isn’t about being right, it’s about domination. You can be wrong, morally and reprehensibly, but know the law and know how to wield it as a weapon and you will dominate your opponent time and again.

It is the triumph of short term thinking. To those embracing this view, there is nothing beyond that victory, no consequence beyond it, and no effect on the world beyond it.

If you think they’re wrong, prove it. Challenge them. Bend precedent to your will. Apply the logic of allowable facts. Prepare better. Go for the jugular. Destroy your enemy or meekly and silently accept your defeat.

Theirs is a faithless law, even more so because it divorces the law from the humans its verdicts, opinions, and decisions affect.

It is strange, then, but not surprising that Republicans and their surrogates have preemptively sought to place resistance to Barrett’s nomination on her religion. Their hope is to obscure the beliefs that truly make her dangerous, the irony being that Catholicism is not truly at the root of it.

Yes, there are strains and sects of Catholicism that preach the virtues of authority and hierarchy. These are the ones that sided with the fascists in their rise to power in Europe and protected sexually abusive clergy for so very, very long.

There are, however, also dissenting branches, including the one currently led by Pope Francis, that preach compassion and the virtues of equality. It was the former that led to those centuries of abuse and institutional corruption; it is the latter, we should all hope Catholics and non-Catholics alike, that will redeem the Church of both.

So, while Barrett’s affinity for a brand of Catholicism that embraces authority and power as chief virtues may inform her legal opinions, it is not what motivates them. That motivation, again, would be an honest, sincere belief that the right to demand accountability resides exclusively with those who have the power to demand it and the resources to dominate those in their way.

Trump may not have thought this through as thoroughly as that. McConnell may not have either, for that matter. All McConnell cares about is having judges in place who will protect him and corrupt people in power just like him. All Trump cares about is having judges who will protect him and him alone.

Oh, and that this pick is big “fuck you” to Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg and everyone who adores her still. Trump loves that, too.

What Ginsberg represented, more than simply being a woman with the gumption to tell men like Trump and McConnell that they were wrong, was the power of dissent.

Dissent is more than just an exercise in freedom of speech, it is an act of empowerment, both for those voicing their disagreement and for the institutions in which they voice them. The purpose of dissent is to improve the institution, to save it from the corruption that would bring it down.

Ginsberg believed that whatever was wrong in the United States, it could and should be saved. To suggest that something could and should be improved is not disloyal but courageous. To criticize an institution is not pessimistic but the opposite, because to criticize it you must believe than it has the ability to improve.

That wish for the institution to be saved and to succeed is essential to dissent. It cannot be dissent without it.

By that measure, a lot of kinds of protest are dissent, and a lot of others very much are not. Refusing to wear a mask in a store, for example, is not dissent. Driving your car through a protest is not dissent. Silencing a reporter is not dissent. Cheating on your taxes is not dissent (Actually, cheating on anything is not dissent. Breaking the rules just because you want to win is despicable).

All of these examples undermine the communities in which we live. They pit us against each other and as a result weaken the bonds we need as a society in order to survive.

So, dissent is essential, it is part of our immune system, and in a democracy it is everything.

The legal right to dissent is relatively new to the human experience. Just a few centuries ago, speaking out against an authority’s decision was almost (and literally) unheard of. The opinions and decisions of powerful men and women from monarchs and clerics down to local landowners were absolute. To challenge them was treason and heresy. The penalty for either was the same: a painful, public death.

Around the world today we see example after example of authoritarian regimes denying the right to dissent and punishing it. Whether they are nominally Capitalist, such as Russia or Turkey, or nominally Communist, such as China, suppression of dissent is what truly determines what kind of life those they rule must lead.

To be left wing - truly and properly left wing - is to hold oneself accountable to others because we want them to be accountable to us. The ability to voice and listen to dissent is what makes that work.

With every non-unanimous Supreme Court decision, there is a majority opinion and a minority, “dissenting” one. There may also be concurring opinions to either. They are published together. It is the majority opinion that rules, but the reason for the inclusion of the others is that they may persuade those reading them to change their minds. In this way, each voice on the Court matters, each mind, and each opportunity to influence the voices and minds of those the Court serves.

The Supreme Court is the last federal institution where majority rule still holds true. The Electoral College and Senate disproportionately favor rural, right wing voters and have increasingly done so for decades. That makes this appointment the natural result, and with it will come things the Left correctly fears.

Barrett may very well support overturning decisions on the ACA and Roe v Wade, but, perhaps more disturbingly, she may support overturning the decisions that equalized LGBT rights and banned forced prayer in schools.

Again, this will not be because she is Catholic but because she believes that those in power, be they school boards or business owners, have the right to decide who has rights within their schools and businesses and who does not. If you don’t like that, you’ll just have to gain power yourself, or find a new school, or a new job, or a new bakery.

It will likely be a long time before Justice Barrett has to write a dissenting opinion. It will take the retirement or death of at least one of the right wing justices, and that may not happen for a decade or more.

There has been talk of Democrats stacking the Court with left wing justices. This would be a tragic mistake. Even talking about it is a mistake. If the Democrats did it next year, the Republicans could do it when they took power, and so on, and so on, and so on.

Meanwhile, it would corrupt and erode any confidence in any legal opinion issued by the Supreme Court or any of the lower courts, and with that whatever last shred of trust Americans had in government would be gone.

The better solution, one long overdue, would be to fix the imbalance of power in the Electoral College and the Senate. This would be done by admitting the District of Columbia and Puerto Rico as states and by splitting California into two or three states.

Doing so would add eight or ten senators and at least two voting representatives. This would not only repair some of the imbalance between right wing and left wing voters in this country, it would make it easier to pass new amendments to the Constitution, such as preserving the right to abortion, mandating health care as a right, setting term limits for all federal judges, and eliminating the Electoral College once and for all.

There would be resistance to this, of course. There would be dissent. And those offering genuine dissent should always be listened to. We fail to do so at our own expense.

Dissent is one of the prices we pay for democracy. It is sloppy. It is chaotic. It takes work and it takes time. However, much like our own immune systems, it must be flexible and robust to withstand change and adapt to new conditions.

That is the world Ruth Bader Ginsberg fought for. That is the world we should fight for, too.

- Daniel Ward

[softforrhaz]

troubled.

hate is a very strong word.

But harry styles is sure he hates maya clearwater. With every bone is his body, he hates that girl. He hates her curly black hair, that she sometimes straightens (which he hates too). He hates the way she smiles her pearly white teeth on show for everyone to see. He hates the way her dimple show everytime she laughs, she laughs so loud people can her from a mile away. He hates the way people love her. How she has so many friends. He hates the way teachers praise her. The dictionary meaning of the word hate, is to feel an intense dislike for someone. And Harry’s sure he had more than a feeling of intens dislike for maya.

As for maya, she loved everyone. She was just easy to be around. Everyone she’d ever met, she got on with. Except for: Harry styles. She could never really put her finger on him. Why he always got so annoyed when she joined him and his friends. She had to admit, he wasn’t who everyone thought he was. But she was hopeful. Hopeful that he would change his ways, and be his true self. The one the fans think he is. But maybe that’s one of her so called ‘toxic traits’ always being hopeful and believing there’s good in people. Even with there may not be an ounce. Maya had been like that since she was a child. You might call her a push over or naive, but she always believed in second chances and seeing the good side of people. Even when they’ve made her upset or angry.

Maya and Harry had met at Sarah’s, Harry’s drummers, party. It was New Year’s Eve, everyone seemed to be getting on really enjoying themselves. Until maya arrived. Harry had disliked her since the moment she layed on her.

He was upset because she didn’t remember him. She never texted him back. And definitely looked much better than he did. They had met briefly before at a mutual friend’s birthday party, they exchanged numbers, maya promising him they would meet up again soon. But as Harry waited, there was no call or text. And that’s when he decided he would hate maya clearwater forever. And he would make everyone know about it.

And they did.

When maya and Harry finally had met properly, able to talk and actually say hello, Harry was the rudest he had ever been his life. Sarah was so beyond embarrassed as she had met maya only a month ago, and was really trying to get to know her more. Sarah apologised profusely to maya when she decided she would head home early.

“Maya, please don’t leave! I’ll sort it out!” Sarah said red in the face from embarrassment. Maya shook her hear bringing her new friend into a hug before kissing her cheek.

“I promise we can celebrate together another time. Please don’t worry about this, I’ve already forgotten about it” maya lied putting a fake smile “you should too” she continued nodding her head before grabbing her red coat and black back before hugging Sarah again.

“I’ll text you when I’m home” maya said before leaving the house.

So maya went home and cried. And then she put on her fake smile, and forgot about. This is what she did, she cried. And then it was forgotten. She didn’t like to dwell on things, and she was already insecure enough, she didn’t need heart throb Harry styles bringing her down too.

The next time maya and Harry met was when she was dragged to another party at her college. Of course she wasn’t expecting to see one of the most famous singers in the world today at her friends college party. She had remembered back to the words that he spoke at Sarah’s party, but she quickly put her thoughts to rest as her friend, Jane, brought her to the dance floor.

Harry saw her curly black hair and her red dress before maya realised he was here. He sighed bringing the beer to his lips. Why was she always where he was? Why was she always in his thoughts? Why can’t maya clearwater leave him alone?

Harry snickered to his friends as he watched her and her friend dance together. He nudged his friend tom, pointing over to maya. “She looks like a stick” Harry laughed and the boys all nodded laughing along. Maya stopped dancing and looked over at Harry with tears in her eyes. Jane was trying to get maya to dance, while maya stood there looking Harry in the eye, her brown skin glistening with sweat and tears. Harry almost felt half bad, but he soon forgot about that once he remembered what she did. He smirked at her sipping at his beer once more as he watched her walk away from her friend and leave the house.

Maya had cried one too many tears on this man. She had hardly even talked to this man! They had met twice, barely the second time.

She just wanted to know why he hated her so much. She had always tried to be the nicest person she could possibly be. That’s what her mum asked of before she died. You could say maya had a wild child phase, while her mum was sick. She just couldn’t expect that her mum was going to die. So she abused drugs and alcohol, and she became known as the towns whore. She was naive and she was defintly in denial. But maya thought if she did this it would numb the pain. She would forget that her mum could possible die while she was out having sex with any beating heart.

“Baby. I need you to be good when I’m gone. I need you to look after dad and toby, ok?” Her mum said tears in her eyes and maya grabbed her mother’s hand tears running down her face.

“I need you to be better. To love yourself. Respect yourself. And please, please. Treat people with kindness”

And maya never forgot that. She eventually calmed down, went to therapy. Helped her brother with school and stuff a mother and father should be doing. But her dad was depressed. He knew this was coming, but he lost the love of his life. But soon everything went back to whatever normal was. Her dad would smile. Toby would ask about their mum, but no one would cry. It took a good few years to mend their hearts, but they did that with, collette clearwaters words:

“I need you to be better. To love yourself. Respect yourself”

The next time Harry and maya met, Harry had crossed the line and maya had, had enough. She was completely done with Harry styles.

Maya had a rough day. She failed a maths test she thought she’d aced. Her roommate was moving out and on top of that her dads birthday was in two days and she couldn’t reach the shops because her car broke down, and she forgot to bring money for the bus. She had to walk to college, in the rain. All her books and clothes were soaked, and her poor straightened hair was no more.

She needed a friend, so she texted sarah before walking to her house. She never ever did this, just show up. But she needed some friend cuddles and a warm cup of tea. She arrived to Sarah’s house 10 minutes later with still no text. She didn’t want to be rude, but she really just needed someone. Maya knocked on Sarah’s front door.

Sarah opened it excited, confused and a little worried.

“H....hi.... i texted but you um didn’t reply so so i....i thought i could stop by, maybe?” Maya stuttered. Sarah smiled warmly at maya pulling her into a hug. “No need to text. I’m always here for you love, whenever” Sarah replied rubbing maya’s back.

“it’s just harrys here, and i know the two of you don’t really get on” Sarah stated and maya bit her lip. She really needed this. She didn’t want to be in a mood when her dad got home. So she nodded “it’s ok. I’m sure he can put his hatred for me away for today”

Maya walked in hand in hand with Sarah, Harry’s band looking up immediately. They all greeted you with an unsure look, looking between you and Harry. You smiled at them all including Harry, but he just scowled. Her smile immediately dropped, Sarah pulling her to the sofa beside her boyfriend Mitch.

“What’s stick doing here?” Harry asked with a half smirk. The tension was now very clear in the room. “I’m not a stick Harry” maya replied biting her lip once again. She was probably going to lead a lot of Vaseline after this conversation. “hmm y’sure” he asked rolling his eyes.

maya sighed leaning back into the sofa grabbing the pillow beside and tried covering her body with it. The room was silent and uncomfortable, before Harry opened his mouth again. “i asked you a question.” Harry said leaning his elbow on his leg, holding up his head.

maya shook her head, again biting her lip, and sighed. “I just had a rough day, needed some company. s’all” maya mumbled seeing Harry roll his green eyes once again.

“What are you gonna cry again?”

“Everytime i open my mouth, you cry. It honestly getting old maya! cut the act” Harry said leaning back. Maya sighed her eyes once again, filling with tears. “We don’t have time for this, go on home and cry to you mummy instead” he said and Sarah gasped.

“Harry” she yelled trying to grab your hand as you stood up with a sob.

“I don’t know what I’ve done to you Harry. But I’m so sorry. For whatever i did. I really am. But when you bring my family into whatever sick hatred you have with me, is where i draw the fucking line”. Maya said with tears running down her face. Harry looked almost shocked and upset?

“My mums dead harry”

The room was immediately silenced and Harry let out a curse as he stood up.

“M...maya”

“No! No! You don’t get to apologise and pity me once you figure out my mother is dead” maya yelled waving her hands around as he walked closer to her. “You have hurt me Harry. You really have. Don’t ever fucking come near me again” maya said grabbing her bag before running out of her friends house.

“Fuck”

A week later Harry had tried to reach maya a total of 456 ways. He had texted her and phoned her and tried to get her when she was out and about. He even went to her house. He even wrote her letters? This boy was truly sorry. He hadn’t stopped to think about the possibilities of her losing his number. Or him putting in the wrong number. Or maybe she just wasn’t interest. And lastly, maybe she did forget. And he should’ve been ok way that. But Harry wasn’t. He hated her. He hated her so much, and now he can’t stand the thought of her hating him. Of her doing the same thing he did to her.

The only way he was sure this apology would be written well, would be through a song. Something he was quite good at. You could really feel the emotion from the song when he preformed it with the band. It was named fine line. Quite depressing but happy and the same time.

Sarah wasn’t sure when Harry tried to persuade her into giving maya the song. But when Harry started crying her eyes widened and grabbed the paper before dropping the note in maya’s bag. She knew maya wouldn’t take it, even from her.

So she snuck it into her science notes in her bag, a place she knew maya would look today.

And Sarah was right of course.

Maya saw the note. And at first she wa confused. But then she read the note, telling her to plug the disc in and listen carefully.

‘ put a price on emotion ‘

Maya let out a strangled sigh as she heard the voice of Harry. Her eyes filling up with tears as she listened to the song.

‘we’ll be alright’

Maya picked up her phone sobbing as she looked for the number Harry rang her with.

She nodded when he picked up letting out a sob.

‘ we’ll be a fine line. We’ll be alright ‘

[survivorkalokairi]

Episode 1: “How do I bond with people” - Mitch

Dylan C

https://youtu.be/MiBLiRlSzFc

Stephen

It’s round one and I’ve already learnt a foreign word for pee, this seasons gonna be great

Cam

hello everyone and welcome to HOLY FUCK by cameron, your local certified sick kid

so first of all

I HAVE DYLAN AND MATT SUMMERS AND MITCH ON MY TRIBE

which is all fine and dandy

ABBEY IS ON? THE OTHER TRIBE?

which is also fine and dandy

blake is super sweet and i adore this newbie already!! he's like "im so overwhelmed im in two games"....... sweetie

BUT ALSO

so i message jay to idol hunt

"first in line"

i say "this is door 9 all over again!"

i wait about 15 minutes

go through the path, dee dee dee dee dee

"fountain or pay an offering to the statue" 

me, in my hellenic witchcraft practices, knowing the goddesses really like offerings, gonna offer aphrodite some food (sorry hera)

guess what aphrodite gives me?

an idol. she gives me an idol. i'm truly blessed. this is ridiculous. i got the idol the very first idol hunt of the season.

i'm shaking.

Dylan C

oh my god how to I play a game with my close friends sksjsh (i’ll make a Proper confessional later)

Brittany

i've been doing duolingo for, like, an hour now and there are so many ways to say the. i've counted around 4. it's pretty fun though, and everyone on my tribe seems really cool and nice cx

Zabbey

Wow ok so my tribe is really cute and wholesome so far. I'm playing with JG, Timmy and Stephen which is cool bc i lowkey know them all but I've never played with them so thats fun! I cant really speak on the newbies since I havent really talked to any of them yet but I'm excited to get to know them! It's wild knowing cam and dylan are on the other tribe, I hope i get to play with them too! 

Stephen

Cal is the best, i would love to work with Cal, JG, Timmy, and Zabbey. But i’m still gonna gove the other new guys a chance, still very early days to start making alliances. That being said I’m still very happy we have had a majority on a call, make some ties. *glares at atomic “all-stars”*

Zach

So uh...so far nothing. Unless I’m completely out of the loop. I really like my tribe mate Zabbey. She seems cool and we have the same sense of humor. I really hope to align with her, but we’ll see how it goes. I also really admire Maynor for volunteering to sit since he has to work today. So far I think our tribe vines well. No tea to spill yet, but I’m sure there’s more to come.

Alex

Many people werre talking about drag race and I've never seen it and I kinda knew this would happen to me at some point in mylife when I end up being the bad gay who hates Lady Gaga and hasn't seen drag race and we're here folks.  lol I guess I'll stay quiet and hopefully noone will find out 

J.G.

Night one was, interesting to say the least. I was a little worried because I knew that I had to work during the first hour of the game and with new people I did not want to miss out on the bonding opportunities. Shockingly few were active among the noobies mostly Zach and Cal. The vets on my tribe, I actually know which is wild. Stephen and I have played together in the past, not together but there is for sure no bad feelings, that I know of. Abbey and Timmy I have never played with them but I know of them from the community. I have always wanted to play with them and excited for this opportunity. I know from a viewer this will come off as boring but I do feel that sticking with the vets is going to be smart at least in the early stages but mark my words, if I have any say, Abbey will be the last boot before merge. There is no way hell, I am letting her get any where near merge, I am not dumb no what she can do. Sorry Abbey, you're queen but the queen is not gonna stay queen. I really want to make a three tight alliance with Stephen and Timmy and ride with them but they could always tip off Abbey and use it to their advantage so I need to just chill and let things play out. I feel that if we are to go to tribal in the early stages, I can picture two noobs being easily targeted for inactivity. Oh, let's also talk about how I got freaking 20% disadvantage night one like I always do, and then turn around to get a 10% advantage the next day. I'm mess but I'm gonna keep eating these grapes because they're pretty good.

JG

So I was really sure I was going to be in the first alliance of the season amongst the vets but nope that didn't happen. I am in a unprecedented alliance with Abbey, yeah the person I said I want to make sure gets out before merge and Zach. Our alliance is called Two Gays and a Bi-by ... iconic as fuck. With a smaller tribe starting size with 8, smaller alliances are key plus I feel that we can easily pull some side votes for numbers to honestly keep our alliance alive and active. This makes targeting Abbey really hard cause it could turn Zach against me. I will have to be very cautious, how I go about this. I also talked to Cal and was making sure I connected with him cause I know he was putting work in on Timmy and Stephen last night. That is something I will have to monitor. That can not be allowed to happen. I think working with Timmy would be fun and cool but it's looking like that if after a early not so active noob goes and we need to find another target, I think Timmy would be a fine first threat to knock out leaving Stephen and Cal up in the air.

Cal

Lots of stuff! I was late to the party at the intro but got to chat with Timmy, JG, and Stephen. I learned about their past in the community as well as talked about the many moods of trying to learn greek. One such mood is probably me always confusing the "pi" sign and the one shaped like the letter "p" leading to accidentally translating baby as fool. Ironically I really don't want to be seen as either while a baby or fool especially since I'm new. I've really enjoyed meeting my tribe mates but I'm afraid to see where the pleasant meet and greet ends and the game begins.

Maynor

My thoughts on this tribe is that i like everyone and i dont want any of them to leave. Ive been trying to talk to everyone n try to be social player since im sitting out the first challenge.

Blake

welp. i still dont really know whats going on but... IM HAVING FUN. Ive talked with Dylan C a bunch and we have gotten to know each other pretty well. The greek challenge? a MESS. I havent been able to do a lot and the little i have done is not even worth mentioning. I hope the next challenge is a little easier for me but until then... YAY! 

Maynor

Last night Brittany and I started talking and decides since we are newbies that we will work as a duo to keep each other safe since the game has newbies & returning players. As of right now she is my #1 but i am talking to others.

Maynor

Second day has been very interesting. Ive been talking to Cal and J.G. pretty much all day seperately. And both want to align and J.G brought up maybe doing three person alliance and he said we should try n bring in Cal. In my head i was like yes. So now its an allince of me, Cal, and J.G. which is great. If its all 100% (my end it is) then this is going to be great.

Timmy

Wow, I haven't made a confessional yet. WE WON IMMUNITY!!! I'm very relaxed now, but also I don't think I would have gone anyways so woot woot. I did the worst on my tribe so that's not too great (pretty sure the 810 from the post was my score), but I still did better than the entire other tribe so wooo. I'm so happy to finally be in a game with Abbey and I really want to work with her and we have been talking already about the nothingness that has come from our idol hunts so that's good. I still haven't talked to Zach or Brittany so I need to do that soon, Zach seems nice in the tribe chat but Brittany seems nonexistent at the moment even though she did well in the challenge. 

Cam

well i may have won a main season last night

but let me tell you

WE DID NOT WIN THAT MY DUDES LMAO. we were literally beat ten times over. i hope the f tribe feels good about how much they squished us. they... earned that. truly. 

but now jay says... there's an announcement? and this is what immediately ensues

On 7/21/18, at 9:29 PM, Jay 🐠 (Kalokairi Host) wrote:

> but first there will be an announcement

On 7/21/18, at 9:29 PM, Cameron Culpepper (Atomic Admin) wrote:

> oh no

On 7/21/18, at 9:31 PM, Dylan R. wrote:

> oh cool

and it was just announced! so there is redemption. this is nice! i'm less worried about work now. like obviously i'm gonna do my best? but... if i fuck up at least there's a CHANCE.

oh yeah and the idol. day 2 in the game, still haven't told anyone, so that's pretty cool! we'll see how long that lasts.

dylan c and i had a conversation about how if we don't work together neither of us will hold it against the other but like... im pretty sure we're gonna work together anyway. 

wouldn't it be cute to make f3 with dylan c and abbey? god that's the dream. but it won't happen.

Maynor

The alliance is official between me, JG, and Cal. Are alliance name is MEW but greek that looks like mew. I like both and i hope they are ride or die as i am with this alliance. But just so we could have one more vote, im keeping my ally, Brittany, secret for now. 

Mitch

Welcome to Greece! I consume goat cheese, so I'm something of a Greek expert myself you know. I'm very excited to meet all of my tribemates but now I'm probably going to talk about them individually since Idk what else to do

I haven't played a game in so long I have no fucking idea how to socialize oh my god. I feel like everything I type is awkward and sad. At least the first challenge was relatively easy since I never had to type anything and have free time up the wazoo . But fuck we got crushed lmao. I dunno what secret they used but I take comfort in knowing that they were probably worried about us doing the same thing. Maybe I probably won't get voted out for having a score of 600 but WE SHALL SEE

Alex - Where is he? He did the challenge but he hasn't said a word ever. I want to keep him but uh Blake - 15 exp huh. 15? :| I only got increments of 10 where did the 5 come from Cameron - Aaaa. I enjoy Cameron and hopefully he enjoys me Dylan C - Oh this distinguishing between Dylans will be fun. But hopefully this Dylan and I can... meet in the middle somewhere yes Dylan R - One of the 4 people who have spoken to me! This kid is GOING PLACES and I'm glad to help him along for the ride Maddie - She is camping and I completely understand. Matt - I mean sure Matt and I KNOW each other but do we really? It's not like we were buddy buddy in Navarino. Unless he thinks we were? If he does... uh oh

How do I bond with people

Cal

Maynard just brought together me and JG together to start an alliance all while the results of the immunity challenge was finished. I was nervous but not only did we win but we have an amazing three that is called ΜΞΨ(after the first letters of our names), which is called that thanks to me! I just thought it'd be fun to name it like a frat since we've been learning greek and also hopefully dominate! JG and Maynard are great guys and I'm excited to work with them as ΜΞΨ but I also am keeping in mind ΜΞ(me lol) in the game for when we do have to go to tribal! Mu Xi Psi out!

Dylan R

For the first tribal, I'm obviously worried. As for targets, I'm not sure there are any at this moment. I guess I'm voting based on tribal performances, but I would be open to other people's suggestions. I would consider myself closest to Matt, Dylan C and Mitch so those three are who I would want to vote with. 

Stephen

I found half a “special idol” in the mangroves! While I am happy and I will still search for the other half I do have to decide if I want to tell anyone. In a previous season I told one person and they betrayed me (thanks tim) but in the end that led the person who had other half to reach out to me. However I can’t expect the same thing to happen this game, every games a new game. So I think I’m gonna keep it to myself, if somebody else tells me or is revealed to have the other half I might tell them, but for now I’m just gonna search for the other half and be content that no one can use the whole thing against me.

Zach

We won the first challenge!!!! I was expecting it to be a lot closer tbh. But I have an alliance of 3 that I’m fairly confident in! I wouldn’t say I completely trust them yet though. Both of them have played before and so it’s scary to think that they might just be playing me. I guess time will tell. I’m also curious to see what other alliances will show themselves when we finally start talking and going to trial. Also a little worried that I might be playing to hard out of the gate. We’ll see and I’ll probably get used to playing as time goes on.

JG

My mom (Jay) has officially cancelled me y'all. My tribe freaking won by over 13 to almost 2k. Holy crap. Like did the vets on the other side never play this comp before? Like with maybe a little work and patience, you could get easily 1500XP without really grinding maybe more. I am honestly perfectly o.k. with these results I wanted us to win badly because of having to go to work tonight, I did not want to bother with the stress of that. Plus, the night before my work had an emergency so I am definitely not in a place ready to emotionally invest and make a move in the game. ΜΞΨ is an alliance that formed between Maynor, Cal, and myself. The alliance names from the first letter of our names in Greek to kinda make a frat/sor name. Maynor approached me wanting to make  a final 2 and go really far. I am down with this for now of course, this game is constantly changing and moving. He asked me if we wanted to make a threesome to help our odds and asked me for suggestions. I suggested Cal because I knew I wasn't in any other alliances with him yet and this will allow me to keep an eye on him making sure he doesn't get close to Timmy or Stephen. Before I went off for the night Stephen and I officially talked about how the vets probably should create an official thing because it wouldn't hurt for us to work at least together in the early stages of the game. We decided that it should be discussed and formed today. Once that happens your boy is literally in an alliance with everyone besides Brittany and she actually did really well in the challenge. This scares me that she is either close to others or just someone I am not gonna be able to connect with. I heard from others that people are forgetting she's here, at the least she is a competitor. Either this is gonna blow up in my face or gonna allow me to position myself really well going into merge. Mama mia, my tribe isn't going tribal but I feel I made some of the biggest moves. Time will tell, I guess 

Zabbey

SO A lot has happened since I last confessed!!!! I am now in a baby alliance with JG and Zach which is wholesome. Zach is super hype and its v endearing and im a stan. JG also said him and Stephen have talked about a vet alliance which would be the easier way to go but I don't really want to. I don't want to play this game based off of outside relationships, I'm not necessarily going to align with Cam and Dylan is we make it onto the same tribe. In more impotant news ya bITCH FOUND THE IDOL! My literal third search! Timmy told me that he was looking in the hotel rooms so I was gonna do that but then Jay said roof and I was like why not and my witch ass gave that offering and got me a sexy idol! I don't plan on telling anyone about it unless I absolutely have to! 

Blake

I'm realizing now that im probably going to be seen as invisible the whole time bthrfnm dont know if thats good or bad LOL. But I finally have an alliance and its with people that I actually enjoy talking too :) Me, Cameron and Dylan C formed a group called Bicons (Bi Icons LMAO) and they seem to be really loyal. I have no idea what im doing but i hope people find me funny and want to keep me hfuiejf. (I HAVE NO IDEA WHO IM GONNA VOTE OFF)

Maddie

I came into this game after 2 nights had already gone by. I am really scared that I will be voted out tonight because I would be the easy since not very many people know me.  

Dylan R

The first tribal is the most important tribal, at least from a game perspective. That’s why I’m taking a gamble and trying to target after Blake. We need people who will win challenges, and after his score of 15 I’m not sure if he’s best suited. I need 4 votes to tie. I believe I’ll have Alex & Maddie, so right now I’m focusing on the fourth vote. Dylan C seems wary about this vote, so I’m trying to convince her now. I told her that “other people have mentioned Blake” when really it’s just me lol. I don’t wanna tell anyone else, simply because I don’t want people thinking I’m playing too hard, so I’m hoping the votes will tie or the votes will be spread. I’m taking a bit of a gamble because this could put a target on my back, but I do love gambles so I can’t resist. This will probably come back to bite me, but it is redemption island so I guess that’s always a fallback.

Cal

Missed a lot of discussion about past games because I was meeting up with someone impromptu. It's daunting but also exciting to face the experience of some of my tribe mates. It's the feeling of a glorious revolution of the new players against the old! I aim to learn as well, but also have really enjoyed speaking with my tribe but fear people are getting wind of the ΜΞΨ alliance since me, JG, and Maynor are speaking a lot. I gotta figure out my mist! Mu Xi Psi out!

Stephen

The tribe chat: Jay is about to get represented by an agent!!!!! ajdnfkksxjsnxxcz

Cal in my PMs: I just got laid

............okay cal. I guess he ws just being friendly? But things like that are sort of a hot topic for me, but I don’t think thats something he needs to know. And its probably not something to get into in confessionals. Maybe if we become besties we can have a dnm about it later.

Dylan C

https://youtu.be/8oaTFmpiv0I

Dylan R

The first tribal is the most important tribal, at least from a game perspective. That’s why I’m taking a gamble and trying to target after Blake. We need people who will win challenges, and after his score of 15 I’m not sure if he’s best suited. I need 4 votes to tie. I believe I’ll have Alex & Maddie, so right now I’m focusing on the fourth vote. Dylan C seems wary about this vote, so I’m trying to convince her now. I told her that “other people have mentioned Blake” when really it’s just me lol. I don’t wanna tell anyone else, simply because I don’t want people thinking I’m playing too hard, so I’m hoping the votes will tie or the votes will be spread. I’m taking a bit of a gamble because this could put a target on my back, but I do love gambles so I can’t resist. This will probably come back to bite me, but it is redemption island so I guess that’s always a fallback. 

Dylan R

Ok so like. Convincing people is hard lol. New tactic: I told Alex that people are targeting him in hopes that it’ll ignite him enough to save himself. I want Alex as an ally, but if he can’t save himself then I don’t want him as an ally

Brittany

so i'm late to making this confession but we won the first challenge and i'm still so?? happy about it?? and by a lot too, and there i was panicking and speeding through duolingo lmao. hopefully this is a sign and we stay doing this well lol

J.G.

Yeet,one last confessional before the round is over. I am honestly really anxious to see what happens at this tribal whether a vet or noob will go. While I do not think that this will be a prevalent theme in decision making, it something I am keeping in the back of my mind. I don't want people to be able use that against me to vote me out. That's why I will feel really inclined to stick with the vets if a vet is voted out tonight over a noob. Who knows what that tribe will do they have several options.

Finally, officially the vets (Abbey, Timmy, and Stephen as well as myself) finally came together to form an official alliance called The Nursing Home. I am really keeping an eye on Timmy and Stephen, they give me some minor sketch vibes but it could just be me over analyzing.

Well, 1 week down, several more to go. 

Dylan C

I’m getting a concerning amount of radio silence form some cast members. Is it because they’re inactive or ignoring me?? Lmao mattI'm so excited to be on Kalokairi! This has been a lifelong dream. Who wouldn't want to live on a gorgeous Greek island, where every piece of drama or sadness is resolved by breaking out into 70s Disco Pop and choreographing elaborate dance routines featuring wacky props like scuba fins? And to be able to play the game of Survivor while doing it? Wild!

My tribe is literally so wholesome. The other "veterans" are all so fantastic, and the newbies are so pure and fun and I love talking to them. The only person I haven't gotten to speak one on one to is Alex, and it seems like that's the case for the rest of the tribe. After getting THWUMPED in that immunity challenge, it's nice that we can all come together in a cohesive vote to hopefully power through in the future.

I found a leather necklace at the market, but it doesn't actually do anything until I combine it with another part. I'm not sure if my best strategy is to keep it hidden or let everyone know I have it in case they're also looking for it, but I think I'm going to keep it to myself while I search a bit more.

I'd really like to work with Cameron long term, and I have a crush on Dylan R okay that is all goodnight.

Cam

so i've been wrestling with the decision on whether or not to tell Dylan C about the idol. 

I still haven't told him. Day 3! Nobody knows but me. that's pretty cool. 

it's pretty quiet around the vote right now? everyone is still asleep i think, and morale is a little low following last night. 

-----

I didn't submit that before I left for work, rip

Cam, certified short term memory loss haver

Alex was unanimously eliminated.

[stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale]

[come back in one piece, okay?]

i. first kiss [a jamitch short story] #twdgotpchallenge 

AO3

---

The scent of smoke still burns within his nostrils when Mitch stirs awake, the world nothing but a haze obscuring the familiarity of his bedroom. 

Perhaps he’d panic if he were more conscious, jerk upwards and search for any remaining flames enveloping his home, run out to find Willy and the others, hack and cough his way through the suffocating black smoke. 

No, any trace of strength within his body has diminished, so all he does is lay there.  

Weak, wounded, and breaking free of what feels like a comatose state, Mitch cranks his neck, turning his head to the side. He regrets the action immediately. Sweltering pain illuminates his shoulder blade, tearing up through his neck and to the back of his head. A heavy wince builds in his throat as he grits his teeth, fingers curling in the sheets wrapped around him painfully tight. The beat of his heart vibrates through his flustered cheeks, shaking his entire body. 

“Hey,” a soothing voice says just as cold fingers brush back his matted hair. “It’s okay. Don’t move.”

Mitch grunts, leaning into the cool touch. He squints, blinking watery eyes to try and see through the dimly lit room, and as he does so, he begins to make out the features of James’ face beside him. 

“James…” Mitch sighs, relaxing against the pillow, lifting a hand to grasp James’ wrist. “You’re okay…”

“You’re finally awake,” James grins. “How do you feel?”

“Shit-” Mitch groans, tightening his grip on James. “-shitty.” 

“We got the bullet out. You can heal properly now.”

“Bullet...”

At first, Mitch stares up at him, processing the words before everything floods back in one big wave. The fire, the blood, gunshots, screams-

“Hey, hey-” James pushes him back down, doing everything he can to be gentle while still keeping Mitch from leaping out of bed. Not that he really could, not with a fucked up shoulder, a head injury, and a wounded leg. “It’s okay, you’re okay.”

Mitch’s never been shot before. He’s been stabbed, but only accidentally and of his own fault. He’s broken an arm, broken his nose, and even suffered a concussion when he was just a kid after a game of flag football when haywire.

Within their fifteen years into the end of the world, guns were never truly a threat among them until Clementine and AJ showed up, each packing heat. Then there was the delta and their arsenal of firearms, something the group collected themselves upon their victory against those sick fucks. 

Between then and now, Mitch has learned the proper ways to hold a gun, how to shoot it, and when to shoot it. 

Never once did he think he’d be on the receiving end of a bullet. 

It happened just like that. 

He was standing there, tongue-tied, pissed off, and damn near ready to scream. 

Then he was on the ground clutching his bleeding shoulder, an explosion of white-hot pain rippling through his flesh, cursing as James dragged him towards the couch for cover from several following bullets. 

Then came the shattering glass and flames, more gunshots and Clementine- he’s pretty sure it was her- screaming for everyone to get inside. 

It’s all chaos after that.

“Don’t,” James warns, brows furrowed with concern. Mitch hates that look. James continues, “If you move like that, you’ll tear your stitches.”

“The school,” Mitch says. “Everyone- where are they? Are they okay?”

James hesitates.

“They’re alive,” he finally says. “Mostly injured, but alive.”

“And those fuckers?”

“Two got away. The rest…” James trails off. 

“Dead?”

“...Yes.”

“Good. Fucking hell.”

“We’re going after the two who ran off,” James says. “Clementine, AJ, Omar, Violet and I.”

“That’s it? Bigger group-” Mitch winces, shifting,”- needs to go.”

James says nothing but averts his eyes. 

Staring up at him, something sours in Mitch’s gut, acid bubbling up to his throat and for a moment, he thinks he’s going to hurl, choke on his own vomit. 

He gags, heaving. James is quick, carefully helping his sit up while stuffing pillows behind his back and head.

“What-” Mitch coughs, blood tingling his tongue, “-how bad? How bad is everyone? Willy? Ruby-”

Ruby.

“Fuck, Ruby-!”

“Mitch, stop, please.”

“You said- you said everyone’s alive so-”

“Ruby is alive,” James stresses. “But… it’s bad. Maybe not as bad as we thought at first, though. The burns on her arm are the worst, but Aasim said the burns on her side aren’t nearly as bad. He’s staying behind to look after her and Louis.”

“Louis?”

“He’s hurt bad, too,” James admits. “Broken nose, and his hand…” 

“What?” Mitch squeezes James’ wrist. “What?”

“It’s in rough shape. He’s staying behind, too.” 

James doesn’t further explain. Mitch’s mind races to every dark place possible, and before he can pry further, James forces a smile. 

“Willy’s been watching over you,” he says. Reaching down, he grabs a bottle of water, offering it to Mitch before digging into his pocket to produce painkillers. “He cleaned your wound and helped me get the bullet out. I sent him to get some rest so that he can stay with you when we’re gone.” 

“When?” Mitch asks, grimacing at the bitterness of the pill on his tongue as he sips the water. A wave of heat crashes over his dampened skin when he shifts up again, straining his shoulder terribly before James stops him with a grasp of his sweaty shoulder. The contact makes Mitch all the more aware of his current state; shirtless with numerous bandages wrapped around his shoulder and torso, damp hair clinging in a mess against his forehead, yellow bruises dancing along his flesh. 

If his entire being wasn’t fucked up at that moment, embarrassment might’ve settled in. No doubt he’s as gross as ever now, but whether due to the pain medications or the overall comfort he finds in James’ presence, he can’t pinpoint.

James doesn’t seem to care, regardless, unafraid of touching Mitch’s forehead again to cool the burning flesh there. Those dark eyes hold nothing but a deep concern that makes Mitch’s heart race and his stomach twist. 

“In about an hour,” James says. “Clementine wants to make sure everyone’s safe here while we’re gone. Just in case, you know. I don’t know how long we’ll be gone, but... we’ll find them.”

There’s dried blood on his chin, Mitch notices, pondering on if that’s his blood or not. Maybe it’s the blood of those fuckers who broke in, shot Mitch at the worst possible moment, threw a fucking molotov cocktail at Ruby and Aasim and at their home, nearly burning down a good chunk of it- God, he hopes that’s their blood. 

He considers asking, but instead, what comes out is, “I’m sorry I yelled at you.”

James’ brows raise, surprised. He replies, “I’m sorry, too.”

“Made myself an easy target, didn’t I?” Mitch scoffs bitterly. “If I had known some asshole had their scope on me, I would’ve kept my voice down. Or moved it inside.”

James doesn’t say anything for a long time, but his thoughts are plenty loud, Mitch thinks. He waits for the burning question to come to fruition, waits for James to finally ask him the question that started their whole fight in the courtyard again. 

He doesn’t.

“I was scared it might’ve been too bad,” James says quietly, rubbing at his eyes. “You passed out and I... It’s a miracle we all made it- that you made it.” 

“Gonna take more than a bullet,” Mitch says. 

“I’m serious.”

“So am I.”

“A few inches over and you’d be dead, Mitch.”

“But I’m not.”

James holds his stare, biting his lip. Mitch can see his chin quiver, and he hates it. 

“We were reckless,” James says. “We should’ve known that man wasn’t by himself, that he had a group. I should’ve made sure he didn’t go back and-”

“Don’t do that shit,” Mitch interrupts. “You’re gonna do nothing but piss yourself off.”

“I-” James stops, squeezing his eyes shut. “I... I don’t want to hurt anyone. I don’t want to ever kill again but... after what those people did to us, to you and Ruby and Louis and I just- I-”

Mitch doesn’t say anything, far too focused on the way James’ mouth sputters perturbed thoughts. 

“This is my home now, and my family. I can’t let the people I love get hurt like this. I won’t... not again.”

Without a thought, Mitch presses a hand against the side of James’ face, his thumb running along his cheekbone. 

James grips his wrist in return, murmuring, “I’m sorry. You need to rest, and I need to meet with Clem and the others-”

Mitch’s thumb drifts down to press against James’ lips, silencing him, causing him to stiffen with confusion, or maybe anticipation. 

For once, Mitch doesn’t really care. Either way, James sucks his bottom lip between his teeth, wets it with his tongue, then releases it- that’s what does it.

“Come back in one piece, okay?” Mitch tells him, hand slipping from James’ cheek to wrap around to the back of his head, jerking him forward. 

Mitch doesn’t care about the mind-numbingly pain that shoots through his shoulder with the movement and ignites the angry pain within his body. 

Mitch doesn’t care about the fuzzy voice in his brain telling him to back the fuck up, and he doesn’t care if somehow, somewhere his father is watching over him disgusted or appalled.

Mitch doesn’t care if he has no fucking idea what he’s doing or how gross it is or what happens when it’s over. 

He gives James his answer. 

Mitch kisses him and James kisses him back and everything hurts.