#or maybe like idk maybe tape for some sort of thing that needs to be flexable

[bunn-iiii]

I hate how binding isn't ever really safe even with proper binders.

[ghostlygeto]

pairing: sakusa kiyoomi x fem!reader

warnings: not nsfw, but mentions toys so mdni!!, fluff, atsumu is there and a dumbass, atsumu specifically calls reader "girl", more selfship content because im insane :D, bad ending bc idk, i only cared about the middle bits. i never ever proof read btw

wc: 1k again somehow?? im crazy

the way you met sakusa kiyoomi was incredibly, and i mean incredibly, embarrassing. you would be out of town for four days, so you had to ask your incredibly attractive neighbor to take your package for you. he agreed, of course. and then the two of you moved on.

but when he gave you the package back, his ears tinted pink (you could only assume his cheeks were, too, but the black mask unfortunately covered them so you couldn’t tell), you felt mortified.

“sorry, my dumbass friend opened it when i left him in the same room as it,” sakusa’s words drilled into your brain, you felt your stomach fill with embarrassment. 

sakusa remembered the exact moment it happened. atsumu kept insisting that it “wouldn’t be a big deal, you’ll never know the difference”. he’ll be extra careful in cutting through the tape, and make sure that he rewraps whatever is inside the little box just the way it came. sakusa warned atsumu not to, that it was impolite to snoop in other people’s things. atsumu swore it’d be fine. you’d have no idea he was even in there. sakusa threatened him some more, but made the mistake of leaving atsumu alone in the room with the package.

until he opened the box and saw the cute little sex toy, causing him to laugh out loud. “omiomi, yer neighbors a li’l perv! look at this!” he held it up, giggling some more at the clear glittery silicone in his hand. “can’t believe she’d buy somethin’ like this, why don’t she jus’ ask ya for the real deal? or if yer not interested maybe i could help ‘er out.”

sakusa walked back in the room horrified, seeing his best (soon to be dead) friend holding the contents of your package in his hand. “put that away, miya. you know you’re the perv here, going through someone else’s things like that. and we’ve barely spoken past our conversation when she asked me to pick up the package for her. i highly doubt she wants or needs any help with that. especially not from someone like you.”

“mean,” atsumu rolled his eyes, rewrapping the toy in it’s cloth packaging and bubble wrap. “nev’r hurt t’ask ‘er. maybe she’ll be thankful. do it, when you give it t’er! i’ll give ya money if ya do it.”

“i don’t want or need your money,” sakusa snatched the box out of atsumu’s hand, sighing as he realized now he’d have to explain to his pretty neighbor why her package was opened. and try to pretend that he didn’t know what was inside of it.

— – - – —

“uh, enjoy.” he wanted to kick himself in the stomach as he shoved the box into your arms, leaving you standing in your doorway somehow more embarrassed than you were to begin with.

why, why, why would he say something like that. you wanted to curl inside a hole and die, never to return. you had been kind of excited for the toy prior to now. but now even thinking about using it made you feel kind of sick to your stomach.

“thanks,” you replied while his back was turned, wishing you could retreat into yourself and never be seen by anyone outside your apartment ever again. you opened up the box when you were behind closed doors, seeing the poorly rewrapped bubble wrap before sighing loudly. you needed to do something as an apology. but would that make things more awkward? to bring him over some sort of baked good as an apology?

— – - – —

the knock on his door made his heart sink a little. sakusa hated unannounced company, and the only person who ever showed up unannounced (atsumu) was already sat comfortable in the living room of sakusa’s apartment.

you pretend to not notice the combined looked of shock and embarrassment when sakusa opened the door. you held up the tray of sweets, a combination of cookies and brownies. you weren’t sure what he liked best, so you settled with the most common desserts that almost everyone enjoyed: chocolate chip cookies and brownies. “these are for you, sakusa. as a thank you and apology for my package.”

sakusa stared down at the tray in your hands, trying to decide if he was going to accept it or not. he didn’t feel like he needed an apology (though the thank you was nice, as it’s the normal thing to). but the sound of sakusa’s grandma rang in his head, telling him that rejecting gifts was rude. he grabbed the tray from your hands, getting ready to bow and say his thanks when probably his worst nightmare came true.

“oh m’god, ‘re ya dildo girl?” atsumu asked, a large smile covering his face, “y’know i really hope ya didn’t mind my lookin’ in the box, omi told me not t’, but the curiosity was killin’ me.” he walked closer to the door, staring down at your blushing face. “not sure if he relayed my message, but if ya ever get tired of the dil-”

“enough, miya,” sakusa hissed, shoving his friend further back into the apartment. “i really am very sorry, y/n. about him, and the package thing.” he had to pretend he couldn’t feel the heat in his cheeks, hoping you’d do the same. “we can just pretend that never happened, if you want.”

you nodded your head, though you couldn’t help but laugh at the sight. the tall, pro-volleyball player sakusa kiyoomi towered over you, blush spread across his cheeks as he apologizes for his best friend, pro-volleyball player miya atsumu. if the circumstances were different, you’d be living your best life. “we can pretend none of this happened, if you prefer. we’ll have a formal meeting another time.”

without further goodbye, you walked away from sakusa’s front door and toward your own. if these few interactions with your neighbor were any indication for how the rest of your time living there would be, you knew that there wouldn’t be many dull moments.

reblogs, comments, nd likes appreciated (っ˘з(˘⌣˘ )

[bellabrady]

I need to vent this to someone and idk why but i just feel like you’ll understand me idk but….

I’m terrified about next week’s episode… like I feel like there is so much within the fandom that is hanging onto next week’s episode being a definite thing on whether or not buddie will go canon, and it’s been stressing me out seeing all of the discourse… I have so many strong feelings about the idea of Tommy (who has always pissed me off as a character from the Begins episodes) and how so many people just suddenly out of nowhere love the guy and compare him to Buck and Eddie when there has literally been barely anything comparable to the two of them as characters since he’s been back. Not only that, but the theory of Buck and Tommy being a thing as a potential for Eddie to come to terms with his feelings doesn’t make me feel comfortable— Not in a “omg i just want Buck and Eddie to jump into bed with each other and call it a day” because i don’t… I just know us queer people are still only seen as tokens half the time, and I’m worried that if they pair Buck with a guy (while Yay for bi!Buck) who is a character that A) is from his past, and B) is for some reason all of a sudden adored by a bunch of people (for reasons i will never understand)… I’m afraid they will just put he and Buck together and call it a day, and just keep Eddie and Buck as “brothers” when that is such a disservice to both of them… If Buck does become confirmed as bisexual, I have no issue with him exploring his sexuality with other men who aren’t principal characters because that won’t have any bearing on the finality of buddie as a ship, but I’m afraid that by putting Buck and Tommy together will somehow be ABC’s way of saying “Eh this will do” because of the way so many people have suddenly jumped onto the bucktommy train.

On top of that, the idea of getting jealous!buck would make me happy if it weren’t for the fact that it’s Tommy, and I am terrified that the writers are trying to wrap him up in this glittering duct tape bow and say “we’re not going to give you what you’ve been asking for for 6 years, but we’ll give you this cheap knock off” due to the speculation that Eddie will somehow reaffirm that he sees Buck as just a friend being the catalyst for Buck exploring his sexuality with Tommy.

It would be painful as a longtime buddie truther, but it would also be painful as a genuine fan of the characters because i feel like that would ruin everything they have built together over the past 6 years, and it would be a cop-out because they don’t want to go that route, even though they are the ones who have set up buddie in this context on so many different occasions…. sure a lot of buddie moments can be real things that happened in platonic relationships, but the framing and subtext has always been this will they/won’t they dynamic, and it feels so icky to me for them to make Buck Bi, and have him NOT end up with Eddie.

And I know people are quick to point out Ryan and Oliver in these recent interviews and everything as some sort of evidence towards buddie canon, but I would think a lot of us have been in this carousel long enough to know that if the possibility of a popular queer romance on a show is one of the BIGGEST marketing tactics that shows use. I’m not saying that Ryan and Oliver themselves are queerbaiting because of how much they’ve supported the buddie fandom over the years, but something in me feels like a lot of their PR appearances lately have been to intentionally cause speculation so that they don’t lose the buddie portion of the viewers when they rip the rug out from under us…. (again not blaming Ryan and Oliver AT ALL because they have no say)

idk if any of that makes sense and im sorry for like the novel i just wrote in your asks lmao but i just needed to get that off my chest and you are one of the few people I have seen who also seems to dislike Tommy’s character, and could maybe possibly see where I’m coming from with my anxiety on this whole thing because it’s been making me spiral lately….

it’s just this ship (as i’m sure it is to others) is really important to me and seeing the online support of a bucktommy romance as a means of getting buddie worries me that the writers will take that as people wanting bucktommy canon and just giving us that as consolation for not giving us buddie and that breaks my heart because i have such a deep connection to both Buck and Eddie in different ways, and i want to see them and their relationship done good service, and frankly none of the theories i’ve seen surrounding it have been anything i want to see with them because i hate tommy, and don’t want him of all people to be the reason we get screwed over.

hi there! you pretty much described exactly what i've been feeling and i 100% understand and feel your anxiety. most people have been super excited for the next ep but i truly feel like it won't go over well for us (though i'll gladly be pleasantly surprised). i even had to log off twitter for a bit because thinking about all the potential ways this thing with tommy could go was giving me legitimate anxiety (yes i'm aware that's not an entirely normal way to feel about a tv show, but sue me, i'm mentally ill)

i feel like i also haven't really been able to enjoy 911 twitter, tumblr, tiktok etc anymore because so many people, like you said, just jumped onto the bucktommy train and i hate it for so many reasons. i just wish everybody was as keen on ignoring that guy as i am.

so yes, i completely agree with you and i definitely relate. i'm glad you felt like you could vent to me and if you ever wanna DM me so we can share our anxiety a bit, please feel free! <3

[bella-rose29]

episode 2 commentary - Let Go of Me

major spoilers for show and books, swearing, me obsessing over lockwood's hands probably (edit: definitely, and George's)

why did I immediately think jellyfish

omg the flowers

Luce you really shouldn't have taken that

just like @demigoddess-of-ghosts said, why tf are deprac asking if there's anyone else there when Lucy is quite literally screaming 'lockwood'

"miss lockwood" and "lockwood's my partner" 🤭

"we called your mother" ok well her mother is a Bitch so that wasn't a good idea

"rest up until he's given you the all-clear" like fuck she's gonna do that

omg the flowers!!!

ooo spooky green lighting

omg the ghost lock victims ward 🥲

I would love to know what they were planning on doing with this scene actually bc I feel like it sets up some sort of ghost lock victim storyline for the future - maybe using them for science? idk I'd just love to know

oof lockwood's hands

just this whole scene of lockwood

hands

barnes is not fucking around lol

HANDS

HANDS

the way he sits back in the chair has me WEAK

THE JAW MOVEMENT

can you tell I'm going feral

George's lil run omg

George is so neurospicy I love it

George your posture needs sorting out my love 😭

"You're meant to say no, Lucy" well it's difficult to say no to lockwood when he looks at you with his beautiful eyes and smile and-

"I'd say like a house on fire" 😭

my poor baby looks so tired :( and he definitely needs a shower oh dear

I didn't think I would hear lockwood with his queen's English call someone 'mate'

I love that George just says straight up facts

"posh one who thinks he's god's gift" sounds about right

"his weird mate with zero social skills" also sounds about right

I love that they included the tapes for norrie bc actually it's a great way of adding to the narrative (bc we don't have any voice overs) and we get lucy's view on stuff

and we see her survivor's guilt too - "like how I should have helped you" omg 🥲 (excuse me while I go cry in a corner)

ruby stokes the woman you are

"no it doesn't, it looks like I cooked it in an active volcano" pfffft George I love you

"Andrew lockwood"

"girls are funny about baths" he's trying goddammit

HIS SMILE

"she's not unhinged" "you're hardly the best judge of these things" "you need normal people around you" "you really think you're normal?" your honour I love their friendship

"the world's mad, and normal never fixed anything" gonna make it my motto

"let me... sleep on it" BOY YOU DON'T EVER SLEEP

oh Luce

okay but these special effects are so fucking cool

hang on why the hell did Lucy go to sleep holding the ring

Jesus Christ that scared the shit out of me

ooo green lighting!!!

pfft goes to hold his hand to wake him up

HIS FACE WHEN HE WAKES UP OMG 😭😂

also: NECK and THE FACT HE SLEEPS WITHOUT A SHIRT

I love the disgruntlement of george

WHITE T-SHIRT LOCKWOOD

"trousers are for wimps" ICONIC

omg I love that we get to see George's Touch!!! also his hand??? brb gonna go melt

LOCKWOOD'S HANDS AND FOREARMS WITH THE CHAINS

FOREARMS

omg Georgie it's not a wasp I'm sorry

ARMS

I am dying how the hell did Ali manage to make his voice say "oh shit" like that

LOCKWOOD HAS A RAPIER I'm gonna faint

"I can't believe you stole a Source" GEORGE YOU ARE ONE TO TALK

yeah Luce call him out

"we need to destroy her source and move on. let her go" I have so much to say about this omgggg bc on the one hand the episode is called Let Go of Me and rn I'm 1/3 of the way through this episode and they've repeated those words in different ways so many times it's unreal. and then on the other hand (spoilers for the books) there's the way that Lockwood isn't doing this himself, because he hasn't destroyed the source in his house and let his own ghosts go 😭

omg George loves an experiment you can hear the joy in his voice

NOT THE WAY HE PHYSICALLY MOVES TO PROVE HE'S ON LUCY'S SIDE omg they're becoming friends even if they don't know it yet

ARMS

OH LORD THE HOODIE??? I wanna steal it

NOT THE WAY HE HANDS HER THE RING AND LETS HIS TOUCH LINGER AND LUCY DOES THE SAME OMGGGG

THEY LITERALLY JUST STROKE EACH OTHER'S HANDS I CAN'T TAKE THIS

his smile omg

ruby stokes the woman you are omg

lockwood's face omg he's so conflicted bc on the one hand he's worried but on the other he's trying to not say yes when she goes 'you love me don't you?'

lockwood immediately pushing her aside

HANDS

HANDS

lockwood you need to stop taking sole responsibility for things

the sadness in his voice when he says 'this place is all that's left of my parents' omg

"Jesus, lockwood, we're screwed!" yep (also the way George says it is so funny help)

HANDS AND RING

barnes isn't taking any shit omg

such an ominous phone call

George's prison outfit (I can't remember who called it that)

omg I want lucy's playsuit

PINK SOCKS

also lockwood get your shoes off the table you heathen

no bc I actually want her playsuit

HANDS

HANDS AND RING AAAAA

:3

HANDSSSSS

"not a braying gallery for bellends" George I love you

BOBBY!!!

Lucy going straight in with the hard facts I love her

omg the scoff

THE SIDE PROFILE OF LOCKWOOD IS KILLING ME

kipps is such an arse

THE STANCE HE TAKES WITH THE SPARE HAND AND UGH

AND YOU NEED A LADDER

the way he says "yes you do" has me in a chokehold

the sMIRK

"irrelevant prick" love it

when the mutual friend leaves and you're left with the one you don't get on with

George you might be a weirdo but I love you for it

Lucy getting the juicy gossip and immediately becoming besties with george

ok well your mum is a bitch

oh lockwood wtf are you doing

"he's a little shit sir"

lockwood why

he looks so proud of himself I can't help it

"you're our biggest asset" oh boy

the regret on his face oops

"my judgement's been a little off recently" yeah bc you just met the love of your life

ok but women with swords 👀 bonus points if they're angry

HANDS

pink socks again

barnes once again not taking shit

she is a child sir you can't just spring that on her

omg Lucy :((((((

"let me go" - is that another reference to the episode title I see?

"lockwood's a charlatan" pfft

DONT YOU TALK ABOUT MY LOCKWOOD LIKE THAT

"they always make the most boring, unimaginative moves possible, don't they" - it's giving Cameron saying that everything is basic

lockwood read the room (cab)

"You were brilliant" boy's in love

"can we talk about this in the car" *taxi drives away*

"you might be able to turn your feelings on and off like a tap, but I am drowning here, lockwood" 😭

"You know sometimes I just... I just think I'd be better off dead" oh Luce 😢

also lockwood's reaction to that omg he pauses for a while and is all glassy eyed and then: "I understand that"

never mind them I am drowning here (in my tears)

"We need you, and it's not because you're an asset" "why then?" "because... because you're..." *looks away and clenches jaw* "Lucy Carlyle" *smiles really widely (I feel like he was considering telling her his feelings)

"we can't let you go" ANOTHER REFERENCE TO THE EPISODE TITLE

"that's why I went on tv, silly" WHERE IS MY BUCKET??? I DONT KNOW WHY HIM SAYING 'SILLY' LIKE THAT PAIRED WITH HOW HE WALKS TOWARDS HER MEANS I NEED MY BUCKET BUT I HAD TO PAUSE THE EPISODE TO MELT A LITTLE

"We're lockwood and co. you, me, and George" FUCK YEAH YOU ARE

"please stay" 🥺 (anything for you my love)

"so you'd look cool" lol

greeeeeeen

"you're more of a liability than an asset, Lucy" HE SAYS WHILE LOOKING AT HER WITH HEART EYES

oh Georgie

OMG HE HAS A PLATE OF BISCUITS AND A TINY GLASS OF MILK

GEORGIEEEE NO DONT YOU HURT MY BOY

green lighting!!!

"I'll take him" says boy with immense confidence

"can I offer you a cup of tea while you ransack my house? one lump or two" *throws torch and misses*

HNNNNNNNN THE NOISE I MADE WHEN HE DOES THE RAPIER THINGY AND GETS INTO HIS STANCE AND TWIRLS THE RAPIER AND PUTS HIS HAND UP

AND THEN WHEN HE DODGES THE TORCH??????? SIR WHO GAVE YOU PERMISSION TO BE THAT FINE DODGING A FUCKING TORCH?????

oh my god the still I paused it on to write the above comment is gonna make me pee myself with laughter 😭😂 I wish I could screenshot to show everyone

ooo I might be completely delusional but Lucy smashes the mirror with her elbow in this scene (and the camera pauses on it for a good couple of seconds) and then plays a part in smashing the bone glass later on??? am I delusional or am I making connections???

Georgie omg

LUCY PICKING UP HIS GLASSES!!! I love this omg I would be lost without mine

HEHEHE STAB THAT INTRUDER

fuck me that neck crack was hot (also could lockwood fuck me please?)

green lighting!!!

also how did I never notice the stairs were spirally?

George you are so funny and I love you

I AM SORRY. WHAT. EVERYONE GO WATCH THIS FIGHT SCENE AND STUDY THE WAY LOCKWOOD FIGHTS/MOVES THE RAPIER IN HIS HAND BECAUSE- I need my bucket holy shit

George hauling those chains around like it's nothing 👀

green lighting!!!

yeah you better run bitch

"we should have people round more often" lolllllll

lockwood can kick me-

"why are you making that face?"

"that's not your normal face, that's your 'I know something you don't' face"

sweaty lockwood

George's face when she pulls the ring out is so funny to me 😂

"you lunatic" *lockwood grinning widely* I love their reactions

aww let Georgie swear :(

[apt502-if]

i must ask, if either in the plot or for a scenario, if there will be any Running Through An Airport. like. this is just one year of the MC's life?

like thats not immediately making me wonder if apt 502 wont be a hime for the gang anymore by the end of the year, because either the mc is moving or everyone is leaving or what. like. Cal is dating someone they intend to marry thats a trust-fund baby (and probably wont want to live with so many roommates) and the MC did pack up their whole life to be with Rainn but then got broken up with and, yeah, that's potentially two out (unless your MC dates Cal, then maybe not, but idk) i duNNO, MAN, I LOVE FOUND FAMILY BUT I HATE WHEN EVERYONE SPLITS UP AT THE END, AND IM SUSPICIOUS AND I NEED TO EITHER BRACE MYSELF OR BE REASSURED PLS 🥺🥺🥺

you can, of course, give a non-answer to all that if such is Spoilers, but then it makes me want to ask: what Big Grand Gesture Trope would the ROs be?? whod be, if not running through the airport (or saying "I never got on the plane" a'la Rachel Green), the wedding crasher? who is confessing in the rain? who has the Love Actually cue-cards and a mix-tape of fake carolers? the 10 Things I Hate About You bleachers seranade? the Notebook ferris wheel stupidity, or the "I wrote you every day for a year" thing or the bit with the house and shutters if you prefer sanity? or any of the romantic parts of The Titanic, i guess?? or, back to cliches over specifics, who fills a bedroom full of roses?? tries to get the MC their dream house or maybe their own library?? who holds a boombox over their head? im sure there's more possibilities i could prompt you with, but i digress lmao just have fun with it and feel free to pick ones i didnt list, this was just to get the ball rolling. you can even pick something simple if all these are Too Grand for a specific character. like a love letter for the ages is still sweet, albeit it privater and simpler than any of these lovebomb-y Grand Romantic Gesture displays lmao rip

ha...

Grand gesture trope:

A would be singing on an airplane/public place Wedding Singer Style or the 'boombox outside window, if they did a grand gesture but they're more lowkey and would write a nice letter or do something big but in private, like a montage reel in their house or something

G would be confessing in the rain (and then write about it), Cal would DEFINITELY be the one to build a house like in The Notebook...just something so big like that would be right up Cal's alley since they'd rationalize it as " a house is practical"

Rainn would definitely fill MC's room wiith roses or run after MC in the airport.

L would do the 10 things bleacher performance, or some declaration of love on the internet

M is like A that they're more lowkey, I think M wouldn't do anything except use their words....like a big, fumbling speech that they're sort of embarrassed by lmao

[aloneinthehellfire]

Chapter 15: This Is Just The Beginning

Season One | Season Two | Season Three

[Raining Hellfire Season Three]

Word Count: 3548 words

Warnings: swearing, mentions of death, voices, confessions/ love triangle? idk, sad goodbyes

[A/N: I was going to make this so angsty but I chose sweetness instead. This is the last chapter for RH3 and I'm emotional omg, this has been a rollercoaster]

This Is Just The Beginning

The pain didn’t go away in three months.

Day in and day out, you had to hear the gossip of the ‘mall fire’ from people who had no idea what really happened. Everyone that died had suddenly become victims of an ‘accident’ instead of the deadly creature you all fought. Instead of the Russians you had stumbled across working to bring about an Armageddon.

It was national news that the Starcourt Mall had burned down. Hopper was decorated as a hero, at least, something he most definitely deserved. It even made El feel a little better to hear that.

Jack was never mentioned.

And you had to spend every day in a house that no longer felt like home.

“Hey, where do you want this to go?”

You turn your head away from the box you were packing, glancing at the Walkman in Nancy’s hands. You give a small smile.

“In the box labelled ‘Madmax’.” You gesture to the cardboard that held all your tapes, plus some money you had saved up 3 years ago.

Nancy flashes a smile as she nods, delicately placing it amongst the other items before walking over to you, sitting cross-legged on the carpet beside you.

“Are you sure you really wanna do this?” She asks, searching your eyes.

You sigh, placing a photo frame of you and Jack into the box in front of you.

“I need to.” You respond quietly and she slowly nods her head, smiling down at the picture of you, her and Barb.

After graduation, you had received an important letter from a college you never thought you’d get into. You had ignored it at first, knowing that Hawkins was your home. Everyone you loved was here. You didn’t want to just move.

But now that was exactly what you were doing. The reasons you had to stay had suddenly become the reasons for you to go.

“You will be their end”

Leaving Hawkins was the only play you had left to ensure your friends were safe.

“So, when are the others giving their grand goodbyes?” Nancy chuckles, sealing up a box and adding it to the pile by the front door.

You clear your throat, never meeting her eyes. “Uh… you know. Later.”

When she doesn’t respond, you whip your head up to see her wide-eyed stare, movements paused as she looks to you with an exasperated expression.

“You didn’t tell them.” Nancy concludes, shaking her head wildly when you tighten your lips. “Y/n! This is important, you need to-”

“No.” You set down another box, wiping down your jeans. “No, I can’t. Goodbyes only make things harder.”

Nancy opens her mouth before closing it again, sighing. “They’re not gonna be happy when they find you gone.”

She was right. Leaving without saying goodbye was going to cause an outrage. Nancy was the only one that found out you were moving away. She had come to check on you and found you sorting clothes. You didn’t have the heart to lie to her.

“Don’t worry, just pretend you weren’t helping me with all this and I think you’ll be safe from their wrath.” You laugh sadly, sealing up the very last box and standing back with a sigh.

“That’s not what I’m worried about.” Nancy moves to hug you tight, taking you by surprise. “You really don’t have to do this. We can figure it out. Maybe, maybe you can move in with us and-”

“Nance.” You say softly, hugging her back, and she slumps into you with defeat.

When you finally pull away, you look to eachother with matching tears, laughing.

“You’re gonna come back, right?” Nancy asks, nudging your shoulder. “We have so much to catch up on.”

“I’ll call you every week.” You promise. You didn’t want to answer her question. Not when you didn’t have an answer to it.

“You better.” She smiles, giving you another quick hug before running to grab her bag. “I need to help the Byers move- oh my god.”

Nancy suddenly stops, slumping her shoulders. You raise a worried eyebrow and she sighs.

“Why is everyone moving?” She complains. “And why not me?”

You laugh at her comment, walking her to the front door. “Just another year, Nance.”

“Yeah, yeah, don’t remind me.” She bites her bottom lip, stopping just as she reaches for the door knob. “Could I get one last piece of advice?”

“Yeah, of course.” You blink.

“Jonathan… we’ve talked it through. With him moving out to California, we-” She takes a breath, straightening herself. “We decided to break up.”

“Nance-” You try but she shakes her head.

“No, it’s okay. It’s for the best.” Nancy slowly nods and you raise an eyebrow.

“Is it?”

She sighs relief, “That’s what I’ve been thinking! What if- what if we just tried long distance or... I don’t know. I guess that’s what I need your advice on.”

“I can’t tell you what to do.” You shrug, tilting your head. “But if I’ve learnt anything… don’t give up on something if you truly feel like it should last forever.”

She chuckles, smiling at you. “I’ll miss you.”

“I’ll miss you too.”

One last hug and she opens the door, stepping outside. You give her a final wave before shutting the door and staring down at the boxes, breathing out.

You look down at the ridiculous bobble-head poking out of an unsealed box of trinkets and you laugh to yourself. A last minute graduation present from Steve when you were driving to the drive-in cinema. He had ran into a convenience store and picked out the most ridiculous thing he could find.

Your smile turns to a sad frown. Steve was going to hate you when he found out you had left without a warning.

Suddenly, rapid loud knocks echoed from the front door, startling you. You frown at the noise, walking over. Did Nancy leave something?

You slowly open the door, leaving enough space for you to poke your head out and you paused when your eyes met his chocolate brown eyes.

“Eddie?” You stare and he just stops, eyebrows furrowing as he tried to think of something to say.

“Hi.” He finally decided, a frown never leaving his face.

“Hey... What- what are you doing here?” You shake your head, widening the door a little more so you could stand just in the gap, blocking the view behind you.

“I know you’re leaving.” He blurts and you froze.

“No. No, I’m-” You shake your head. But it wasn’t fooling him. He must have ran into Nancy on her way out. Lord knows she has been the biggest Y/n-Eddie shipper since you ran into him in the hallway.

He placed a hand on the door and pushed gently. You allowed him to swing the door further open, revealing the cardboard boxes stacked up behind you.

“Okay. I can see how that might make you think I was leaving.” You nod, pursing your lips.

“Why?”

It was a simple question, one you could easily answer if it wasn’t for the fact that you couldn’t him the truth.

“I…” You started, taking a breath and stepping to the side to allow Eddie to walk inside. “I don’t wanna be here anymore.”

Eddie looks at you sadly, nodding. “I, uh… I heard. About your uncle. Wayne told me a while ago and I was gonna come see you but-”

He leans against the wall, resting his head against it as he stared at the ceiling. “I guess I just didn’t know if you’d want me to.”

“I’ll always want you to be here.” You admit quietly and he turns his head to meet you, a small smile lingering on his lips.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” You smile back before glancing back at the boxes by your feet. “But I need to do this, Eds.”

He suddenly springs from the wall, eyes creasing with worry as he scooped your hands into his.

“Don’t.” He pleads. “I know- I know how everything ended last year but I- I hate the idea of you not being here. With me. Just… just stay.”

“It ended for a reason.” You say softly, squeezing his hands before dropping them, picking up a box and walking it out of the door and to your car.

Eddie follows you the whole way, muttering under his breath as you open the trunk and dump the box in.

“Okay, yeah. Yeah, I know.” He runs to block your path back into the house, holding his hands up in surrender. “I know we ended it and I have to be completely honest with you. That was the worst decision I’ve ever made.”

Your heart drops at the same time as it flutters. “Eddie-”

“I was dealing drugs.”

Your eyes widen. He stares at you, tightening his lips.

“Um.” You shake your head, frowning. “That… I did not see that coming.”

Eddie slowly nods, clicking his tongue. “That girl, the one in my trailer that night? She was just buying from me. We weren’t- nothing ever happened. She bought what she wanted and then she left. I didn’t tell you because-”

“It’s not a girl’s biggest dream to hear their boyfriend is a drug dealer.” You finished with a sad laugh and he nodded his head.

“I should have told you.” He lowers his head, fiddling with the blue ring on his hand. “I shouldn’t have ran away.”

“I-” You squeeze your eyes shut, shaking your head. “I still can’t tell you the truth.”

Eddie brings his eyes up to meet yours, frowning. “I didn’t ask you to.”

You smile before taking a step around him. “And I can’t stay here.”

“Why-”

“You know why!” A small sob leaves your lips and you notice the strange look from a neighbour. You walk back inside the house and try to lift another box. Eddie quietly takes it out of your arms and lifts it for you, despite the fact he was trying to convince you to stay.

“I can’t stay in a house that’s empty.” A tear leaves your eye and trickles down your cheek as you shake your head. “And I can’t stay in a town that only holds memories of all the people I’ve hurt.”

Eddie shifts the box in his arms, “You’re really set on leaving, aren’t you?”

You nod. “I made up my mind.”

“You were always so stubborn.” He chuckles. He stares down at the boxes, closing his eyes. “Well, it wouldn’t be very gentlemanly of me if I made you pack all these up by yourself.”

You laugh through your tears, picking up another box and heading outside with him. Several trips were made from the house to the car until the vehicle was filled to the brim. With a heavy heart, you realised you were all set.

“You did it.” Eddie smiles at you and you send him a confused look. “You’re finally making it out of Hawkins.”

“Yeah…” You frown at your car. Even with every detail planned out since the Starcourt battle, it still felt too sudden. You shake away the nerves, smiling up at him. “What about you? What are you doing with new-found freedom?”

It was meant to be a light-hearted question until you saw the shift in his eyes, the way his body tensed.

“I, uh…” He puffed out a breath, wincing. “I’m stuck here for a while longer.”

You’re about to ask why when realisation struck your mind. He didn’t graduate.

“Ed-”

“No, no. It’s cool.” He laughs oddly, brushing imaginary dirt off the hood of your car, “It gives me another year with the Hellfire Club, you know? And another year to make my own so, it’s not all bad.”

“You are the best Dungeon Master I know.” You declare and he genuinely grins at your statement.

“You don’t know any other ones.”

“Why bother when you’ve given me impossible standards?”

You both laugh, instinctively stepping closer to eachother. When you look up at him, your heart yearns for more. Eddie Munson. Your first love. The one that got away. The one you were about to leave behind.

“Hawkins is losing its hero.” Eddie says, offering half a smile as he reaches up and tucks a stray strand of hair behind your ear.

“It’ll be just fine without me.” You reply, leaning up and softly kissing his cheek. “You’ll be more than fine without me.”

He doesn’t reply. Instead, he catches your lips with his and your heart reacted before your brain, pulling him closer. His hands slid up to cup your cheeks as you clung to his jacket. Memories flooded your thoughts with every happy moment you had spent with him, every piece of joy that made staying in Hawkins worth it.

Eddie reluctantly pulls away and you both just breathe for a moment before a shaky laugh leaves your lips.

“That was one hell of a goodbye, Munson.” You comment and he chuckles, smiling dimples at you.

“I’m hoping it was a ‘see you later’.” He steps away, straightening his jacket. “I… I should let you get going.”

“Yeah.” You nod, biting your lip, still a little flushed from the kiss. “I think I’m gonna make a stop first.”

As if he read your mind, he nods with a knowing smile, turning away. You watch as he walks down the driveway until you suddenly remember something.

“Eddie, wait!” You call out. He stops, turning back around as you lean into your car through the open window, rifling through your glove box to find what you needed.

When your fingers brush over the paper, you grab it and run to him, holding it out.

“What-” He starts with a confused laugh.

“It’s a gift.” You blurt, shaking your head when he just stares, “It- I bought it ages ago. Well, kind of. I made it cause I couldn’t find exactly what I wanted but it’s been sitting in my glove box for months and I’d regret it if I didn’t give it to you when I had the chance.”

Eddie slowly nods, a smile creeping onto his lips after your ramble as he peels away the paper. He laces the chain in his fingers, pulling it up to reveal a red guitar pick. His eyes widen.

“It’s not the same one you gave me.” You quickly say, reaching into your jumper and pulling out the necklace to prove yourself. “I just- You gave me your best guitar pick and I felt bad that you were having to use that old one that you always claimed was ‘just fine’ but I know you really wanted one to match your baby so I found one and made you a necklace. Like mine.”

His smile grew brighter and he pulls you into a hug, lifting you as you giggle.

“Thank you.” He finally puts you down, closing his hand around the pick tightly, like it would suddenly vanish if he wasn’t too careful.

“I should go now.” You reluctantly nod and he smiles.

“I’ll see you around, Queen of the Demogorgons.”

You laugh. “Later, King of the Freaks.”

Eddie’s laugh never left your mind as he disappeared down the street, the creases in his smile still replaying across your eyes.

You glance at your car with a sigh. One last stop before you left Hawkins forever.

“Y/n!” Dustin yells as you walk into the Byers old home, amused at the sight before you.

Lucas and Max were sat in the corner and singing ‘A Never Ending Story’, mocking Dustin and Suzie’s previous impromptu performance months before.

“Hey, guys. That’s not cool.” You say as the duo laugh with eachother.

“Thank you!” Dustin exclaims, sighing.

“Dustin, can I ask you something?” You look innocent, crossing your arms as Max raises her eyebrows behind you, a grin lifting onto her face.

“Yeah, sure.” The boy replies, looking confused when a giggle escapes your mouth.

“Where can I find... the answer to a never-ending story?” You finally blurt and his face drops to a scowl.

“WRITTEN ON THE PAGES IS THE ANSWER TO A NEVER-ENDING STORY!” Lucas and Max practically scream the lyrics and Dustin’s lips curve into a smile before laughs starts to erupt from his mouth.

“I hate you all.” He chuckles as he grabs the box in front of him and walks out of the house to the moving van out front.

“Hey, Y/n.” Lucas stands with Max, shifting the box’s weight in his arms. “We’re all going to annoy Steve and Robin at their new job after this, you wanna come?”

You smile at his request, “Uh, I kind of have something to do but tell them ‘hi’ from me?”

“Roger that.” He says, moving past you.

Max starts to follow him out until you hold an arm out to her. She frowns, letting Lucas leave before looking back at you.

“What’s up?” She asks, tilting her head.

You take a deep breath. This wasn’t going to be easy.

“I dropped a box off to Susan before I came here.” You start and she shakes her head, smiling.

“Okay? What’s that got to do with anything?”

You swallow your guilt. “It’s a box of things I want you to have.”

Max’s smile falters when she recognises that look on your face, eyes already misting over.

“You’re leaving again, aren’t you?”

“I got into college.” You nod, fiddling with the piece of paper in your hands. “I wasn’t going to go but… Jack and…”

“And Billy.” She says, understanding as she looks up at you with blue eyes. “I get it.”

“I don’t wanna leave you here.” You say, tears falling. “I just got you back and I hate knowing that I’m just leaving you alone after everything that happened.”

“I’ll be okay.” She sniffles, finally pulling you into a hug. “We’ll be okay.”

When you pull apart, you hand her the paper, watching as she unfolds it to reveal a number and an address.

“It’s the number for my new place. And an address. I figured if calling was going to be tricky, we could always write eachother letters.” You admit and she smiles, nodding.

“I’d love that.” She sobs, “I love you.”

“I love you too, Madmax.” You laugh, wiping away the tears, “I need to get going if I want to make it in time but… tell everyone I love them?”

Max nods, pocketing the paper. “I will.”

You both walk to your car, hugging eachother for the last time before you slid into your car, starting the engine.

“Don’t give up.” She suddenly says before you can drive away. You look confused and she laughs. “I don’t know. It’s what you told me in California and I figured you needed to hear it.”

You smile to yourself before looking back up at her. “As long as you give them hell.”

She grins as you finally pull away, moving back onto the road and watching as your sister waved you goodbye.

You passed the crowd of your friends as they said goodbye to the Byers and El. You had managed to sneak in a goodbye the previous day, saying you had an urgent matter to attend to. It broke your heart to lie to them all. But goodbyes would only make your decision so much harder. You knew that if they all begged you to stay, you would.

As you drove along the road in silence, your grip on the wheel tightened, breathing heavy. You were leaving.

Goosebumps marked your skin and you took a breath. You figured as much would happen when it in finally figured out your plan.

“We’re not finished yet, Y/n”

The deep voice echoed in your mind as you pressed your foot further into the pedal, accelerating faster as you spotted the Hawkins sign in the distance.

Suddenly, your head started to pound and you try and shake it off, gritting your teeth.

‘Leaving Hawkins, come again soon.’ The sign read as you drove toward it, practically seconds away from leaving the town.

“THIS IS ONLY THE BEGINNING”

The voice yelled and you slammed your foot down, speeding towards the sign now, eyes dead set on the imaginary finish line. As you got closer, the voices swarming your head began to get both quieter and more persistent, like it was their last attempt at breaching your mind.

“You’ve already-”

You pass the sign and the voices are suddenly cut off. You release the pedal slightly, slowing down to a smoother pace as you breathed relief. That proves that theory.

You switch on the radio as the wave of realisation hits you. Hawkins was behind you and you were heading to your new future. One where you wouldn’t hurt the people you loved.

Someday, love with find you

Break those chains that bind you

The words blared out at you as struggled to keep the tears at bay, guilt bubbling inside of you. You had left them all behind without even telling them the truth. You needed to do this if you wanted them safe. You prayed that leaving would stop whatever force was trying to get rid of you, using those closest to you to do its dirty work. You begged that it would save them, let them live their lives without fear.

You hoped that this truly was the end.

You feel something wet on your top lip and you remove one hand from the steering wheel, using your sleeve to wipe at it. When you glance back down at your hand, you see that your soft yellow jumper was now stained red.

Another side effect of the monsters in your mind.

Raining Hellfire: Season Four ->

Raining Hellfire: Season Four, coming soon...

{ATTENTION!}

sorry just had to make sure everyone read this haha. i am so so grateful that so many of you love and support this story, especially since i wasn't sure i'd make it this far. since your input means the world to me, i really want to know how you guys think RH4 should go.

basically, we all know what happens to eddie in season four. it's sad and rips my heart out every time. my intentions with this fic were to make it as true to the original storyline as possible but, if people want it, i can make a few changes to the ST4 ending.

should eddie survive? would we want that change to be made? pls drop your answer in my asks so i can make that decision :)

i hope everyone has a wonderful new year!

-

taglist: @gnnnne / @beepisbeep / @paintballkid711/ @eddiesbirdie/ @livasaurasrex/ @darktimelegends / @jackierose902109 / @mvrylee / @chervbs/ @eternallyvenus / @nervouscatsuit / @f1nn-wolfhard / @hereiamhereigo / @ladybug0095 / @fangirling-4-ever / @astrolockley / @mothmanatemycat

[irradiatedsnakes]

I've ran out of current vods from my favourite streamer, do you have any recommendations for fun rtvs vods to watch? I've really been meaning to check some out

oh yes absolutely!!

i don't watch every rtvs member stream, so if anybody wants to chime in with vods from other folks, please feel free! i pretty much just watch wayne, holly, and scorpy's streams, so:

from wayneradiotv:

looking through wayne's catalogue i'm running into the problem that most of my favorites (like the among us, jackbox, & 420 streams) are best enjoyed when you're already pretty familiar with the crew, so maybe save those for later if you end up enjoying rtvs' stuff. all of the proximity chat among us videos are fantastic (and i like watching the same one from multiple peoples perspectives, holly's in particular are great). RTVS congress, a stream by baaulp, is also great and worth watching once familiar with the crew

i think my best wayne (well, on wayne's channel, all of these feature multiple members of the crew) recommendation though is gonna be I.M. MEEN, which is a completely normal playthrough of a regular copy of 90's kids' edutainment game i.m. meen, which has nothing wrong with it. for some of the other "rtvs brand of weirdness" sort of streams, check out waynekenstein's lab (fun with ai generated faces) and chex quest hd (just.. watch this one)

wayne does a lot of "grand tour" streams (technically the im meen one is one of these but), where he goes through older/weirder/obscurer games. fin fin on teo the magic planet is a FANTASTIC one (fin fin needs no introduction, but in case he does, odd 90's virtual pet with a great theme song), plus the echs bachs catalogue (a bizarre collection of pretty awful games made by one dude called Echs Bachs), and club penguin rewritten (it's club penguin, bro).

if you like seeing a game played over many hours and multiple streams, i'd check out chulip, lisa: the painful, minecraft 24 hour charity stream, and moon rpg: remix. lisa and moon remain unfortunately unfinished, but the streams are still absolutely worth checking out.

from hollowtones:

most of my favorite holly vods are biiiig long streams of a playthrough of a whole game. her stuff tends to be pretty chill and i find them nice and relaxing. sometimes there's friends joining her, sometimes it's just her. of these, i really like bugsnax (adore these ones. idk how to succinctly explain bugsnaz. is bugs, is snax, are you a jokester?), hypnospace outlaw (PLEASE watch these ones especially if you havent played/watched hypnospace before), and moonglow bay (really sweet fishing game).

holly also does a number of wikipedia streams, where she (and friends) read and discuss wikipedia articles about food for upwards of 6 hours a piece. it's really good. it's really good. i like the soup one.

another favorite holly stream is GO-FISH DELUXE FOR SUPER PLAYERS, where holly and a friend play a custom game of go fish for 7 and a half hours. i love this one.

and i would be remiss to leave out, of course, the pigmas in july peppa pig stream. which is where holly, joined by her sister if i remember correctly it's been a minute since i watched, plays the peppa pig video game for nintendo switch. this one is very worth watching to the very end.

from socpens:

my #1 recommendation from scorpy's catalogue is going to be every single one of the VHS VIEWINGZ streams. scorpy obtains and plays a bunch of vhs tapes on stream with friends, it's always always always a good time. my favorite of all of them is probably this one, which among other things, includes a tape about learning to be a clown. make sure to watch to the end for a t-bone tickler! this one, featuring Escalator Safety and VOLTON THE ELECTRITY DEMON is also great. i'm having a hard time choosing just a few, they're all really good, so i'm just gonna link the eye palming one and be done with it.

for gameplay with scorpy, i really like a way out with wayne (unintentionally hilarious 2 player narrative game about escaping from jail), any of the david cage game vods but here's detroit become human, and not for broadcast (a FMV game about running a tv station- censoring stuff, monitoring broadcasts, that sort of thing. has a very interesting narrative)

and a couple other things

ok so these aren't like, the typical stream vods, while they are technically livestreamed stuff they're not quite in the same category. but they're all really fucking good.

of course, half life VR but the ai is self aware. there's full stream vods available for these, but if you haven't watched before i highly recommend watching the edited versions on wayne's main channel linked above. in case you haven't heard of hlvrai before, basic concept is that it's an in-character playthrough (wayne roleplaying as gordon freeman) of half life 1 in VR with a cast of self-aware ai NPCs (played by other members of the rtvs crew) accompanying him through the game. no prior knowledge of half life necessary. just fantastic.

next up, GAMECLAM. a yearly e3-style gaming conference about the best video games console that doesn't exist. here's the first one, there's currently 3 in total. there's also a commentary video on scorpy's vod channel. PLEASE experience the gameclam. PLEASE experience the gameclam

lastly, half life: alyx but the gnome is TOO AWARE. wayne does a gnome run challenge of HL:A with a mod that gives the gnome a biiiit more personality. (due to some references, best watched after hlvrai, but they're not part of the same series/continuity). not all the way finished at the moment- the finale's been streamed (and you can find a 3rd party upload of the finale stream on youtube (thank you youtube user sawsily for everything you do)) but the edited version of the finale should be coming out pretty soon.

[whumpshaped]

I just read your tiny whump academia drabble and 👁👁 boy oh boy do I love little guys being crushed very near to the point of death where they think their bones are bending but I also started thinking hey, i wouldn't continue to trust such a small and wiley pet in a shoebox even if he is a puny nerd, I think the only way to soothe my worries about an escaping little mouse is to make sure it cant move at all shehfh- Or put it in a cute little leash and harness like a domestic rat :3 specifically a retracting leash so you can yank him back with no effort, and it makes them easier to show off for some friends or benefactors~

OKAY UM. OKAY. LET ME GO INTO A WHOLE RANT ABT THE POISONED IVY TINY AU.

tw some nsfw talk, tiny whump, bullying, academia whump, dehumanisation

so idk if u know the context for the story, but bryce is basically blackmailing nate already. nate is being mercilessly bullied and exploited by him in private, while in public nate basically "joined bryce's friend group". bryce has some compromising photos of nate that hes holding over nate's head and basically forcing him to do all of his schoolwork instead of his own to ensure 1. he doesnt have to work much 2. nate cant keep up his own first place on the college leaderboard academically. bc bryce used to be outperformed by him in just this one aspect, and he thought hm... two birds, one stone

so yeah theres already an insane power dynamic going on when nate shrinks. and bryce is like holy fucking shit this is amazing. yes i'll have to go back to doing my own schoolwork but u know what i came to love even more than not working? bullying nate. and then another aspect of it is that..... how do i say this. turns out bryce has a kink for this sort of thing and now hes just horny. theres rly no better way to phrase this. hes not even gay but hes looking at tiny nate and hes suddenly very horny abt the prospect of this helpless little creature who also happens to be his ex academic rival who was already helpless- u get the picture. i wont go into detail but that has consequences. anyway bryce is obsessed w tiny nate. he also has immense cute aggression! hes restraining himself from crushing nate's tiny bones 24/7.

moving on, this also means bryce is incredibly possessive. he's not gonna show it off to anyone, because honestly he already reported nate missing and he doesnt need anyone trying to steal nate or whatever. what he does is he keeps nate in his pencilcase for a while until he can go out and get a little custom glass box with a detachable lid. its very nice <3 it has some padding at the bottom, tissues and cotton and cloth, whatever bryce could find. tiny food and water bowls are separate and never placed in the box, because controlling when and how nate eats and drinks is another aspect he enjoys a lot. the box is shoved in the closet whenever someone comes to visit.

that being said bryce looooooves to mess w nate, looooooves to mess with immobilising him completely w clear tape for example. very fun stuff. loves how exposed and vulnerable nate is. im sure he also makes little DIY harnesses and collars and stuff, basically just imagine him tying some thread or cloth around nate and yanking him around by it. dangling nate from high places it also fun bc he has a fear of heights. the closet is also fun in itself bc nate Also has a fear of the dark! and bugs. which leads bryce to pick up earthworms and shit and lock them in the glass box w nate. hes a menace and he loves tormenting nate so so much.

but at the end of the day bryce doesnt want to kill or seriously harm nate physically. if he threatens a knife or smth, he never rly goes thru w it. maybe the lightest little scrapes. but he mostly stays away from that. hes also afraid nate will one day turn back to normal and he doesnt want a full sized nate running around without an arm or smth. (he does eventually turn back btw but by that point hes so afraid and so conditioned and bryce has told him so much abt how everyone has moved on that hes just like...... ok. i guess i only have u bryce. sure i'll stay in the closet all the time hidden away until you graduate and can take me with you to your cool new house. its ok i'll stay soulless and very obedient as always.)

bryce treats nate like a toy, and nate never gets over it. nate already felt quite dehumanised and humiliated and small and powerless when he was normal sized. going thru that ordeal being tiny and violated and hurt in so many ways just cements it in. he feels like property, he feels like a toy, he feels like he doesnt have a life outside of being bryce's thing. and he rly doesnt. whenever bryce isnt playing w him, hes locked away in a dark place that makes him feel afraid and claustrophobic and honestly as horrible as bryce is, he doesnt have any other sort of life than the hours bryce spends actively teasing and bullying him.

[shabbytigers]

“musculoskeletal problems idk”

“middle age idk”

look, my current issues are muscle in nature but it’s not muscle fatigue, it’s chronic and driven by shitty skeletal infrastructure. muscularly speaking i am several dozen chronic spasms, knots, and compensatory cascades, ranging from years to decades old, clumsily jerry-rigged together with scotch tape and elmer’s glue in order to prop up a trenchcoat.

(bathetic aging late transitioner whinge below the cut. scroll. i’m 11 weeks into what needs to be a 10 week max T depot cycle and it and i both suck very much)

aging:

things stiffen and freeze up. you get out of school and college, there’s a lot less random ambient encouragement to do sun salutations, so you stop doing them. eventually you try to do one and your back no longer smoothly uncurls itself in order vertebra by vertebra, there are little cliques of vertebrae that stick together and move as one. various muscles slowly tighten and knots appear, mostly quiet but worrying when prodded on a massage table, and they don’t go away. some years ago i noticed my left achilles tendon hurts for the first forty to sixty minutes of walking. eventually i got credible advice to stretch my calves out about it, do that regularly, helps a bit, but it’s still a thing. just a lot of that sort of shit on and off

and i do think that’s mostly The Human Condition and just how middle age generally is

—

in my case tho there are some extra twists!

imagine that nature delivered unto you unsolicited a sophia loren type situation. super wide pelvic bone, chest such that you eventually figured out to shop the uk or poland for functional support garments (the us industry is/was appallingly bad), narrow waist, and short torso, on which your ribs bottom out just a few cm above the mighty pelvis. a zero brakes silhouette: no latitude on torso free of major curvature.

this frame is not functionally optimized for dynamic action (might have worked well for having babies idk)

it makes it quite effortful and costly to perform such radical bold actions as: standing or sitting up straight. two weeks after violently deaccessioning 1400 grams of chest tissue last fall, i realized i could sit upright in a kitchen chair at a table in comfort, with no urgent need to move to the squashy reclining-friendly furniture as soon as food was over. it was like a miracle. i’m angry

so over the decades i’ve accumulated a lot of assorted fuckery in the neck and shoulders and lower back and so on just in the course of wrangling this egregious motherfucking lemon of a vehicle around and as a bonus, both my kneecaps are malaligned such that my stability going down steep hills is poor: big fun with an exaggeratedly asymmetrical weight distribution!

—

in hindsight everything wrong with me except the knee deal is secondary sex characteristics. but the problem felt so specific and idiosyncratic for so long—i didn’t conceive of it as ‘built like a woman’ so much as ‘built like a janky jessica rabbit’—that it didn’t occur to me for a long time to scribble gender assignment as such on the issues whiteboard. my cohort was ill equipped for such introspection and i had the impression from 1992 thru the mid 10s that ‘trans’ meant people like venus xtravaganza and that it wasn’t my lane (i’m sorry but fuck the movie paris is burning with a chainsaw)

of course, given that deep infrastructural issues like wide pelvic bones aren’t actually fixable, i’m not sure how much it would have helped to cop a clue sooner. other than, you know, maybe not spending so much of my life completely checked out idk :)

[kimbearablykute]

Finally completed and got to wear my Yor cosplay that has been over a year in the making! Earrings were a gift from Hubby for my 39th birthday, and last month for my 40th birthday two of my kids made me a gift certificate for ordering the rest. They really wanted to get me the Thorn Princess dress, but I knew I would have very limited opportunities to wear something so revealing and also so formal. Mr. 6 ended up giving me the sweater (super comfy on this cool spring day!) and stilettos (plastic, don't worry; these were what he was most excited about), both ordered from Temu for about $20 all together and arrived about a week after my birthday. Getting the gift from Miss 8 is what took so long. I ordered the headband along with a wig from Amazon because she really liked the Thorn Princess headband. But when my package arrived it was the wrong items! They sent a red wig instead of black (already had one anyway from my Amy Pond and Black Widow costumes), elf ears (already have some of those, too, thanks) and some sort of black devil horn headband with feathers? Idk maybe a tiefling costume, but I don't have any tiefling characters (I play a Tabaxi and a Dragonborn)... and as I said I already have a couple of those things and neither works for Yor. So I returned them. Couldn't find any other Thorn Princess headbands for sale in my daughter's $20 budget AND what I did find all came with the earrings, stilettos, or one of the dresses.. which again I already had... So this morning the Bug and I took her service dog and the 3 of us went to the HobLob where we had a lovely time and found all the items we needed for $15.75! A 4 pack of headbands (we used the beige), 2 packs of gold dangling "thorn" charms from the jewelry making aisle, a two pack of gold roses on twisty tie stems and gold floral tape (both from the bridal aisle). Then we went home and put it all together with some hot glue for added stability. For once looking at something abd saying, "I could make that!" and it was cheaper than store bought, plus added bonus of quality time with my daughter. Once the headband was ready, we dumped all 4 kids at a friend's house and went to see Code White at a swanky theater with burgers and heated recliners!

[manicpixxiedreambitch]

Some creative gift ideas for all the uncreative people out there who are sick of giving basic ass gifts (budget friendly)

- Go to the store. Find your way to the candle aisle. Now what you’re gonna do is smell candles until you find one that has a smell that reminds you of the person you’re gifting for. Buy it. When you get home, get out your computer and get on canva. Make a custom label with the person’s name on it, the fragrance notes, and a short, sweet description of that person and why those smells remind you of them. Then print it out and make it into a sticker (you can easily make a sticker with large clear tape over the print, just look up DIY stickers). Take off the original label and put the hand made sticker on instead. If you want, you could even make a candle out of wax melts, a mason jar, and some wicks if you feel like it.

- If you are good with crafts, USE THOSE TO YOUR ADVANTAGE.

-If you can knit or crochet, make a blanket, scarf, a pair of mittens, or a stuffed animal.

- Take a picture frame. Get a printed picture of you and the person. Press flowers (if you’re lazy, you can literally press flowers in the microwave in less than two minutes. Look it up.). Arrange the flowers and picture in the frame how you want (be sure to wear gloves and clean the glass first! You dont want there to be eternal fingerprints on the glass!) and grab the tacky glue. Gently apply a small dab of tacky glue to each flower and glue it firmly in place. Do the same with the picture. Close up the frame, wrap, and you are GOLDEN.

- Go to the store. Grab a travel cup or mug (or go to the person’s favorite coffee shop and buy a travel mug there). Go to the candy aisle. Grab a bag of their favorite candy, along with two king sized candy bars, and any other little knickknacks you think they might like. Put it all in the cup and put on the lid.

- Grab a box. Figure out the person’s favorite color. Go to Dollar Tree, Five Below, Walmart, Target, wherever you want. Just find things in that person’s favorite color. Socks, gloves, candy, drinks, accessories, gift cards, candles, soaps, anything. Grab some easter basket filler paper (idk what it’s actually called) in that color (or if it doesn’t come in that color, do black or white. Those will do.) and some construction paper in that color. Now, add the filler paper, then the knickknacks, then glue or tape the construction paper to the inside of the cardboard lid. Write a note if you want. Wrap it up and you are good to go.

-Make jewelry. Trust me. All you need is a chain, a clasp, some charms/beads, and a pair of pliers. The rest is kind of self explanatory but if you don’t understand this explanation for some reason feel free to ask.

- Put together a small thrifted surprise box for the person (wash the clothes first though and make sure they’re okay with that sort of thing!)

- Make something out of clay. Jewelry, room decor, etc.

- Go find one of those letter cutout boxes with the letter of their first initial. Find fake flowers in their favorite color (you can probably find this at dollar tree), then go find a bunch of small knickknacks like jewelry, candy, soaps, etc. Grab floral foam. Fill the letter box with floral foam (if you want, spray paint the box first) Stab the flowers into the floral foam. Grab kabob sticks, cut to desired length. Tape the knickknacks to the kabob sticks and stab them into the floral foam like you did the flowers.

- Go to a thrift store. First go to the basket section. Find a picnic basket. Then go find some teacups, a small charcuterie board, pretty plates, and maybe some pretty silverware (or if you think it would be weird to do silverware from a thrift store, grab it from walmart or target or smth) If you’re an adult, go ahead and find a wine glass or two. After that, you want to go to Walmart. Find a picnic blanket, or a picnic table cloth. If you get the picnic table cloth and have ametuer sewing skills, grab two. Then grab some of the person’s favorite snacks and drinks. Go home and put it all together in the basket. If you chose to grab two table cloths so you can sew, measure the interior of the picnic basket and (assuming it’s square) cut out the dimensions on one of the table cloths and sew them together into a “box” (pattern facing the inside of the box, fuzzy part outside) and put the “box” inside the picnic basket. Now it has a cute, protective interior inside, and the other tablecloth can be used as a picnic blanket. Once its all arranged, you have made a cute picnic set for the person!

- Find a book you like, reread it, and annotate it for them. Then wrap it up. Typically you want a new book for this.

- Go to a craft store. Buy a baseball cap or a cute hat with nothing on it, or if you want, grab a tote bag or something. Grab fabric paint. Custom paint the item for the person.

[emblazonet]

DRAGONSDAWN REVIEW

This is a heckin weird book and I started off enjoying it until I Was Not Enjoying it.

The intro seemed interesting enough: we’ve got people who are escaping a variety of circumstances (including retired war veterans). They’re looking to colonize an uninhabited planet, which neatly sidesteps major issues in other colonial literatures, since, well, there’s no one sentient to object!

Personally, the sciencey stuff seems fine... I’m nota science person to begin with, and I was mildly interested by their tech and how it was described. Nothing stood out as weird. Maybe funny, when they refer to film or tapes, since we’ve established this is in our future and the colonists are often from actual places: Ireland, etc.

I did find it weird that they name a bunch of places after places on Earth. Why bother? Why not just make names that actually communicate something about the landscape they’re in? This is somethig that obviously colonists did here to North America—every city I’ve lived in has roads that are named ‘Hillside’ or ‘Pinevale’ or something (even if there are no hills or pines). In my hometown, Beacon Hill was a region my high school was in (and I’m not sure there was ever a beacon or a hill); in my current city, Beacon Hill is a park. It’s stupid and I hate it. Name things organically, or else it feels WEIRD. (In books. Obviously IRL just use the indigenous names and maybe please do a land back, like with Haida Gwaii!)

I know, I’m yelling about colonial problems at an author who has a weird obsession with bloodlines. And who killed off all the black characters in the first Threadfall. Uh huh. Moving on.

There are too many characters in this book, by the way. There are too many AND they are kinda bland. They run together. I don’t know why I should care about any of them. It’s weird that it’s supposed to be multicultural or whatever but it never feels like it. The way other cultures are represented is kinda uncomfortable. Spoilers and stuff upcoming.

Paul and Emily seem like they should have Main Character Energy, but neither does. They’re important people or something but the narrative never makes you feel it. There’s a whole bunch of names that keep coming up but I can never rememeber who they are or what they do... Pol, Bay etc. Idk.

Sorka and Sean are obviously telegraphed as some of the first dragonriders, they’re the sort of Adam and Eve first kids of Pern, and they’re boring and I grew to kinda dislike them by the end of the book because they’re just like Generic Hetero Couple and it was very yawn.

I liked Kenjo, I though he was going to be The First Dragonrider because the book goes on and on about his flying ability, the way he can conserve fuel, all that. But actually he dies halfway through and I hate that actually, because it feels like any build up with this character never went anywhere. His death was pointless but the story didn’t even make it about the pointlessness, so like... why?

Sallah’s seduction of Tarvi, a pretty man, was awkward as fuck. She drugs him and they fuck and then later she’s like ‘why doesn’t he seem to love me?’ BECAUSE YOU DRUGGED HIM? OH MY GOD????? At least Dragon Sex Pollen gives you an out! There’s no excuse to for this nonsense! And then when she dies, Tarvi—changing his name to her last name, Telgar—has this ‘oh I DID love her after all’ grief thing but it comes across as super contrived.

Look, I stand by actually liking Lessa/F’lar, but I’ve pretty much hated every single other romantic relationship in this series (except for Moreta/Alessan ... Moreta is the best book).

Speaking of Sallah’s tragic death aboard the orbiting, fuelless colony ship—her murderer is the Obviously A Villain Avril Bitra. Who is a mean gold-digger lady who is also a slut, and Anne, did you need to work something out with this one? Avril is set up as a villain but instead of being a threat to anything, she basically does a stupid and dies, but manages to take Sallah down with her. But her inexplicably meanness with Sallah has a weird sexual undertone to it? I’d be into it if I didn’t hate it. Like. The scene where Sallah is cut up and Avril is tormenting her is SO CHARGED and it could’ve been so good except it’s... it’s just not. It feels incredibly out of place! It’s the climax of the book in terms of intensity, but it’s in the middle and we haven’t even gotten to the dragons yet!

Thread, by contrast, wasn’t even that dramatic. Oh noo, there’s Thread.

And the dragons feel sort of rushed into the end of the book. There’s something weird about the biologist and her granddaughter. They’re Chinese, and everyone loves the grandmother, but apparently the granddaughter is an unpleasant bitch and there’s no explanation offered at all. I have no idea why the characterizations are so weird and awkward, but they really are.

How many times can I say ‘weird and awkward’ in one review???

Also, why does that one MAGA-style asshole, Ted Tubberman, try to bioenginner felines? What even was that? There’s literally nothing relevant about it? WHY WAS IT INCLUDED? Why wasn’t it cut?? It doesn’t do anything for the plot or characters except, I guess, kill off a loose end? Who was already exiled?

By the way, the glee with which everyone exiles this dude is so weird. ‘We didn’t kill him! We just ostracized him forever!’ Wow. Just. Wow. I don’t even know what to say.

In sum, basically, this book is a structural mess with bad characters. It had a fun dragonfighting sequence three pages from the end, and that was probably my favourite part.

I don’t know how a book with so much stuff happening crammed into it could be so boring, but here we are. Like, this wasn’t Nerilka-level bad: it didn’t do any character assassinations because it wasn’t a sequel to anything that came before. But it was a slog, and it didn’t even have the grace to have a lot of dragon-related screen time to offset it.

3/10, a structural disaster.

[stealthrockdamage]

MUSIC ASKS:

3 5 7 11 15 19 20 22 27 30 I’m nosy :)

YESSSSSSS thank you so much for this ask im gonna pop off

3: A song that reminds you of summertime

Sparkle Tape Break Up by Hiatus Kaiyote

i have no words or explanation to do this pick justice. it just oozes a sort of hazy summery feel to me. warm nights in someones backyard downtown type of thing.

5: A song that needs to be played LOUD

Only Shallow by My Bloody Valentine

this feels like an overtly basic pick but listen i haven't really listened to much my bloody valentine other than this album. i just think this riff is fuckin hype. it owns! it's maybe my favourite bit on the album!

7: A song to drive to

I Can't Drive by The Wesley Willis Fiasco

idk how to answer this question. here's this lol

11: A song that you never get tired of

Confessions ft. Leland Whitty by BADBADNOTGOOD

idk what to say really! listen to that sax. there's just somethin about it man

15: A song that is a cover by another artist

How High the Moon by Ella Fitzgerald

so like, idk how much we're willing to split hairs on what the definition of "cover" is and whether a rendition of a jazz standard falls under that description, but seriously, listen to her go. she pops off so hard on this. i've always liked this recording a lot

19: A song that makes you think about life

Venezuela Trains by Ravyn Lenae

okay, so like. MOST songs make me think about life to some degree. i mean. idk who doesn't listen to lyrics and feel things. but i understand that this question is asking for a specific Type of Thinking About Life. this has a vibe that gets me into that sort of feeling once in a while.

20: A song that has many meanings to you

Work This Time by King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard

i can't explain this one either. i might just be running out of steam? this resonates with me in a lot of different ways! i like it.

22: A song that moves you forward

Blast Damage Days by Jeff Rosenstock

i think about this song a lot.

27: A song that breaks your heart

Homebody by Nai Palm

yeah yeah i'm double dipping with nai palm. i love her stuff whatcha gonna do. i don't think i could put words to this pick. it does things to me. heartbreak might not be the right word. but it feels appropriate nonetheless

30: A song that reminds you of yourself

Psychopomp by Thank You Scientist

this is probably the song i shout about most often. it feels a little bit quintessentially me in that way. dunno! check out that fretless guitar solo. mad shit

[kaddyssammlung]

Analysis for Nazareth

TW for this one!

I will mention SA

First of all: this is a highly debated one and I am aware of this. The story that I came up with for this one is fictional. I don't want anyone thinking that Vessel did this or that or whatever. This is a story that my mind created based on the lyrics. That's all there is to it.

“and I'll see you when the wrath comes”

I have the word wrath connected with the Biblical seven sins. I'm not even sure if that is true but I think so. I'm pointing this out because I feel that's interesting that he says “wrath” and not “anger” or something like that.

This makes me kind of think about the emotion of anger in general and about how much of it is in the lyrics in general. I feel like anger is not that present. Idk why that is. Maybe it's just my perception.

“knocking on your bedroom door with money”

So the wrath is offering him something? That's also kind of interesting. He says bedroom door. For some reason it makes me think of young Vessel.

“building you a kingdom”

Okay so the wrath offers him money and also builds him a kingdom? Or does he him Sleep is offering him something? That something being a kingdom?

“dripping from the open mouth”

This always make think about my dog. When I have a treat in my hand and he sees this he sits down, wags his tale and start licking his lips in anticipation of that treat. Of course he knows what's coming. So yes: I think about Vessel and some drool coming from his mouth because of the great things that he is being promised.

“I'll show you what you look like, from the inside”

This is hard one. Maybe this means what he is made out of? Maybe Vessel has a greedy part within him that wants what he is promised out of greed but there are downside to it which is why he calls it “wrath”?!

“tonight you have the answer”

And again. Where do you meet something/someone that is not three-dimensional? In the astral realm? The “dream world” which also can be seen as the four-dimensional-realm in my understanding.

“let's load the gun”

What do you need a gun for? To defend yourself? To threaten someone because you want something from them? Does he seek revenge of some sort?

“make her eat the tape in the bathroom mirror”

I know this is being highly debated about. Can you see this certain being in the mirror? I don't think so. Maybe this is a direction to go here maybe not.

I have this connected with substances and idk why. When it comes to certain things I usually talk with my employee about these things. He has done so many of these things. Maybe tape is an allusion for these things. Maybe the bathroom mirror is one of those mirrors where you line your “blow” and make it ready for consumption?!

“see if she can guess what a hollow point does to a naked body”

The hollow point meaning the gun? Why is she naked? Trying to force someone to do something? Drugging her so you can do something with her? Plotting revenge of some sort?

I have no answers!

“let's fuck her up”

What do you mean? How? Why? Maybe he wanted to f*ck up Sleep? Maybe he was done with all of this but this being still had “it's teeth in him”?! But then again she is naked and drugged? So?! SA of some sort?

“manifest pain at the core of pleasure”

It's this one line that f*s me up! I still don't listen to Nazareth that much. I have this line connected with SA. To me the core of pleasure is our root chakra or Muladhara chakra.

It's location has something to do with our organs that we use to produce new life. Manifesting pain there?! Well....r*pe. Now I said it. Damn.

I know that all of this is far-fetched but I have this image stuck in my head.

“I won't be missing you”

This makes think about Sleep again. Does he want to free himself from it? Is all of this a revenge fantasy or a dream that he had? Was he just watching some movie and took inspiration from that?! Or a computer game?

Idk....just a though one for me. I like the way Nazareth sounds but the lyrics freak me out.

And also it's the one with the “wrong video”. At leas if you believe this guy:

I believe him.

Jaws and Nazareth were switched for some reason. The video for Jaws does not really fit but it does fit to Nazareth.

[yukidragon]

Hello, could I get your thoughts on something? As another fic writer for SDJ (love Sunshine in Hell btw), I’m trying to keep lore straight in writing the first meeting between my OC and Jack. Unlike sweet Alice, she is ready to throw hands with this clown out of fear. XD But wouldn’t that count as rejection and make Jack disappear? Idk if the game will later elaborate on if the MC had a specific reaction to first seeing Jack after watching the tape, but I wonder if it’s important that the MC wasn’t so frightened that it counts as rejection of him. (In my fic, I’m currently taking the approach of “holy shit who are you oh wait you must be a hallucination and oh you’re a nice hallucination i guess you can stay” and that it happens so quickly that Jack doesn’t go away.) What are your thoughts?

Ahhh... I’m so glad you like Sunshine in Hell and Alice! Thank you! 💖

I think your MC being more frightened and having a more violent initial rejection of Jack is the more common interpretation of what happened. Heck, I know I certainly would freak out if suddenly a giant muscular stranger appeared in my home without warning.

In the demo, the reaction MC has to waking up to find Jack there is left ambiguous intentionally so that we can fill in the blanks with how we would have our MCs react, I’d wager. We don’t know how MC and Jack bonded, and I suspect that’s going to be a big reveal later in the plot.

My personal interpretation of what happened was that Jack struck a deal with MC, one that exchanged a bit of each other’s souls to free him from hell. What they would get in return is someone who would never betray or abandon them like Ian did, someone who would love them forever. Maybe there were other things offered too, since I have no doubt Jack would do anything to escape that cold, sleepless hell.

Alice agreed to the bargain because she was in a vulnerable state and because she felt bad for this trapped spirit who was suffering so much pain and was so desperate to escape it. She knows what it’s like to be desperate to escape pain, and she’s a very empathetic person. It was absolutely a reckless decision on her part made from a place of emotion rather than cold logic.

Consent is a huge part of Jack’s character. He needs MC to need them, and if they don’t want him there... he starts to disappear. However, even though his grip on reality slips in the “no” route, MC is downright desperate to keep him. MC wants him around even while they question if he’s even real or if they’re just losing their mind.

This is why I think that Jack being bound to MC was something MC agreed to, but no longer remembers due to the trauma of having a piece of their soul taken and exchanged. Jack simply tolerated the experience better because his soul was being tortured for the past 40 years.

Once they were connected, then they could share feelings. Jack, in the “no” route can pour more good feelings into MC. Despite their resistance, they are lonely and vulnerable due to what Ian did to them, and I think that’s the crack in their armor that he can seep into. He can make them feel good, even when they’re trying to put some distance between them. He can offer them friendship, love, servitude, good feelings... whatever they want, he’ll provide it.

Plus, even if MC doesn’t consciously remember, if they created this sort of supernatural bond between them, a part of them would feel a connection to Jack. He would feel close to them because, well, they have a piece of his soul in him and vice-versa. Even if they forgot the deal, feelings would still play a part... after all, it’s their feelings of wanting him there that keeps him around.

But, again, this is my personal headcanon for what happened. We most likely won’t know what actually happened when the two were bound together until the game’s full release. You might want to go with a different headcanon, or avoid touching on that part of the story entirely until the game’s release. It’s really up to you to decide what feels right for you.

I think you’re free to interpret what’s going on in whatever way makes you feel most comfortable. Focusing on the consent aspects of Jack’s nature is what appeals to me the most, so that’s why I have Alice being an active participant in his presence in her life.

I hope this ramble about my thoughts on this part of the game and my version of the story helps at all. Remember, the fanfic you’re writing is your story, and you’re the one making the lore. You can tweak it as you please into something that makes you happy and makes sense to you. I think that’s one of the most beautiful parts of making our own version of the story when we make fanfiction. 💕

Good luck with writing your story. I’m cheering for you!

@channydraws @earthgirlaesthetic @sai-of-the-7-stars @cheriihoney @illary-kore  

[armed-saphire]

NOW ITS UR TURN WHO ARE YOUR MGS FAVS AND WHY!1!1?1!1?1!1?11!1! ٩( 'ω' )و

EHEHEEEE OK SO I'll say my fav from each game

Mgs1 is def Liquid he. He's so overdramatic it's really funny. He did so many backflips while explaining his tragic backstory 🥰 and then he just fucking died and turned into an arm which is the real tragedy (I have so many random HCs for him it's insane... I also rewrote his backstory a little...the recessive thing is so dumb)

Mgs2 I think it's a split between Raiden and Fortune. Raiden I really enjoyed playing as a character who is just... idk how to put it I just like that he's flawed and not some morally perfect charismatic guy. It feels like he's set up to be that way and then he whines about everything and is very dismissive at some points. It feels like he's a real person and not perfectly crafted to be the ultimate stereotypical good guy protagonist who can stay cool and collected in every situation. He has his moments where he lets emotion get the better of him and I like it a lot.

Fortune I have less to say about her but it doesn't mean I like her less. I think she's a really tragic character backstory wise but I also like how she sort of "plays into it" I guess? Ocelot points it out himself near the end of the game ("you couldn't get enough of the drama"). I thought the ending where she found out she could've died any time and she didn't have some magic ability was sad too and I lowkey wish she didn't die and was like redeemed somehow (imagine she comes back in mgs4 and has to go against Vamp or something that would've been so cool)..anyway I guess I didn't actually have less to say I like Fortune a lot blehhh😋

mgs3 AGH.. EVA ILY she is such a well written character and I love her so much I could write an essay on her if I wanted but I'll keep it more brief here. She's like a perfect subversion of the typical sexualized woman in video game thing...it's what she's doing as a spy for the mission and the best part is it doesn't even really work lol nice job snake. The game itself even adheres to whether Eva is in her Eva persona or her Tatyana one. It's....aghhhhghhh so great. (I have so many thoughts about her and Liquid btw)

Mgs4...difficult but probably Screaming Mantis. For real this time not a lot to say about her but I do like her a lot more since playing the game she went from my least fav B&B unit member to my fav one. She was really fun to watch in all her cutscenes and her boss fight was one of the best MGS boss fights I've ever done tbh. The callbacks and references to the first game were so good I won't lie I was giggling kicking my feet a lil bit. Screaming Mantis ily I have so many thoughts <333

Peace Walker ermmm Kaz and Paz equal I can't decide..also maybe Amanda. Yeah I like everyone a lot 😭 and Cécile....not Snake tho sorry lol. I haven't finished the game so I haven't gotten the full character arcs of everyone so it's hard to pinpoint exact explanations but you know I love Kaz forever and ever mwah mwah (I'm also a transfem Kaz truther and I'm RIGHT!!!). Amanda has a lot of really cool tapes explaining a lot of...not really exposition but it gives a lot of great context to her character. And her voice acting especially in cutscenes is some of the best voice acting I've seen in an mgs game so it adds a lot. Paz I need to learn more about her. I know basic plot points but not the inbetween stuff that really lets you get to know her. I do feel really sad for her though, Kojima decided he wanted shock value instead of a female character having a nice ending 🤷‍♀️ Sucks.

Mgsv QUIET!!!! QUIET ILY!!! she's soooooo OUGH. I'm glad a lot of the fandom has fixed her from her extremely flawed portrayal in the game because it shows what really could've been and I think I latch more onto that than the version of her in the game just a little. The foundation they were working with was still really good. The way they show her and venom building such a strong bond despite never having a single conversation is really well done and I like it a lot. Quiet ily my favourite creaturething killgirl my favourite ear biter offer...