#or maybe give you another one
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Hey look it's my last-minute rushed Halloween costume from yesterday. Some sort of demon thing that my friend described as "very gender" so I guess it's the gender demon
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Reality sets in that I've got these things on my hands all night
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Close up of the hands, and the beginning of the hour long removal process
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#also i wasnt wearing contacts so everything was blurry#the lighting is... interesting because i had to use my desk lamp while putting all this on#im the gender demon#im coming to steal your gender#or maybe give you another one#kinda wish i got a close up of the eyes and everything because it didnt really show all the details here
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Consider: Post-canon Zuko wakes up in the body of his childhood self, the morning of That War Meeting. Would he still speak against the plans, knowing his fate? What do you think he would do differently the second time around?
"Turned away at the doors, Zuzu?"
"Shut up, Azula," her brother sulked. But sulked weirdly, after staring at her too long and too wide-eyed, not like she'd surprised him but--
But like he hadn't expected her to be there. At all.
He turned away. ...He turned back. "Hey, Lala? Do you think you could help me practice that one set?"
He didn't meet her eyes.
She narrowed hers. "Which set?"
"The one I'm bad at."
She scoffed. Pushed away from the wall she'd been leaning against. "That's all of them, Dum-Dum."
He didn't shout or stomp or yell about the nickname. His lips twitched.
"It's okay," he said. "If you're afraid you won't be a better teacher that my instructor..."
It was the most obvious manipulation ever.
Perhaps if he proved an adequate firebending student, she'd work on his courtly survival skills next. Honestly, it was good that not even Uncle Gets-Cousins-Killed had been fool enough to take Zuko into that war meeting. She could only imagine how terribly that could have gone.
"Keep up," she said, and turned her steps towards the training grounds.
He did. There, and during the katas she ran him through.
Azula kept her eyes narrowed.
"Hey," he asked, "do you know how to bend lightning yet?"
As if he could have missed it, if she'd been able to get more than sparks. "I will soon," she said.
"You will," he agreed, and flowed through his next set. The one she'd only just mastered.
Father didn't notice how weird Zuzu was being. Uncle never noticed anything. Zuko ate dinner and asked a servant for seconds and didn't stutter or flinch or lose his appetite when father asked, coolly, what he'd done with his day. Azula's shoulders tensed, because one mention of how she'd squandered her own training time teaching him--
"Azula hogged the training grounds. For hours," Zuzu scowled, exactly like a petulant thirteen year old.
Exactly like he hadn't been acting all day.
By the time Father was looking her way, Azula had her usual smirk in place. "I'm sure there would be room for both of us," she said, "you're not afraid of a little friendly fire, are you, brother?"
Zuko sulked. And ate his seconds, like he was enjoying each bite. There was something in his eyes, like a joke no one else was getting.
---
Father died that night. A heart attack. There were the faintest of burns to either side of the treacherous organ; the royal physician hypothesized that he'd grabbed at his chest, fingers burning hot in his final moments; so hot they'd only exacerbated the problem.
The royal physician would never have been brought any victims of lighting strikes. Those that occurred in the capital did not generally require a doctor in the aftermath.
Zuzu ate a hearty breakfast.
He didn't order seconds. Azula gave him points, at least, for not being tacky.
---
The sages named Iroh as regent.
They named Zuko as Fire Lord.
"No," the tiny Fire Lord in his perfectly miniaturized Fire Lord robes said, sitting at the head of his war council. "We're not doing that. And I'll be reviewing all recent battle plans, as well. What's this I hear about a division of new recruits being deployed to the front?"
He did not mention how he'd heard of the 41st Division. No one asked.
"Prince Iroh, surely--" one of the generals tried to appeal.
The young Fire Lord's regent was looking as startled as the rest of them, for a moment. Then he sipped his tea, and smiled.
"Your Fire Lord is correct, of course. A change in our leadership--a change the other nations may mistakenly view as weakness--will necessitate a change in our strategy."
"Now," said their lord, "what, exactly, is our overall objective in this war?"
War, the new Fire Lord decreed, was not an end unto itself.
---
The new Fire Lord continued to have time, to pretend to be trained by her. Azula watched him. Adjusted her footwork. Did not tolerate, and was not offered, any commentary on who was teaching who.
"What did you do with my brother?" she asked, as they flowed from one set to the next. As her hands, poised to throw fire, just so happened to be pointed his way.
He missed a step. It didn't look like an act.
"I'm, uh. Right here?"
She didn't bother to dignify that.
He didn't bother to look worried about her hands, one movement off from a true attack.
He looked around, then grabbed her sleeve, and tugged her further from any walls that may hide ears. The royal family's private training grounds were wonderfully large, and wonderfully open.
"It's me," he said. "It's still me. Just. More of me? Longer of me?"
She narrowed her eyes. A familiar expression, by this point. "Explain."
"...I found the Avatar," he said. "And this is definitely his fault, but--but I guess it started at a war meeting, when I was thirteen."
Azula listened. It was a very Dum-Dum story.
#Zuko blue spiriting off to kill a man: mom would be so proud <3#Regent Iroh is left to wonder when his nephew learned to brew a decent cup of calming tea#and also managed to develop an impressively fleshed out plan to transition the Fire Nation economy from war to industry#Hakoda looking down at an invitation to meet for formal peace negotiations: why does it say to bring my children#Kya: he's only thirteen. maybe he doesn't know which way he swings yet?#in another timeline Kya would have been killed by the same crew that was instead tasked to carry this message#sssh let's pretend the timing works#Azula: no but really give me one good reason not to tattle on your time-traveling possibly-just-a-body-stealing-spirit self to Uncle#Zuko: you could tattle on me#or#I could tattle on him#Hey Azula. Did you know Uncle left a breeding pair of dragons alive?#egg field trip egg field trip egg field trip#avatar the last airbender#atla#Zuko#Azula#fire lord Zuko#ficlet
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team fortress 2 finally getting rid of the bots after 5 years
work on the team fortress 2 comic continuing after 7+ years
half life 3 development looking more likely than ever with legitimate code, file, and voicework leaks referencing a new non-VR single-player game from valve featuring a HEV suit wearing protagonist and Xen creatures and concepts
shoutout to the valve fan that found the genie lamp. you a real one
#liz blogs#valve#team fortress 2#tf2#half life#half life 3#what did i say. what did i fucking say.#once again the impossible becomes commonplace#valve exists as a company to walk into the gaming industry. slap their dicks on the table. and yell THIS IS HOW ITS DONE#and the gaming industry has never been in a more sorry state than it is now. maybe second only to the 80s i think. something something ET#in b4 its called Half Life Xen as all the files reference ''hlx''. hl3 fakeout. but its another half life game.#half life 3 has been ''made'' multiple times in various states but its never been up to standards. whatever this project is though sounds l#like its very far in development. maybe they didnt give up this time#ive never been closer in my life to actually saying half life 3 confirmed. its not confirmed but its looking really good for once#crazy year to be a valve fan i'll tell you what#its only the actual objective most anticipated game of all time. no biggie#edit - added a link for the comic news for those who dont know. and the bot bans havent been announced in one place anywhere#but you can literally just look it up on youtube or twitter. valve has been mass-banning bots for the last month. fixtf2 worked
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i listen to fog lake too much
#falls through the ceiling with a mighty crash hello#it's been what...8 months?#I was too busy w uni and being mentally ill#thank u everyone so much for the tags on all prev posts.. i re-read them oaccasionally 💗#they make me v happy thank u for giving me a moment of ur time#that means so much#anyway! vashwood!!#i hate them so much#i want to eat them#i want to ugly cry#i want an ideal world where they could've had something for a little bit#im eating drywall and pacing around the room in a cold sweat#so trimax-atypical overt intimacy it is#more coming...in maybe another year#It's a big project!#to me. yeah#my dream is to be put in a terrarium for a while#if only u knew how many wips I have w vashwood..#maybe i'll get tired and pile them into one post all unfinished and no less ok for it yk#whatever u r doing doesn't need to be perfect to make someone happy#didn't u experience a positive little zap from my imperfect colored doodle rn?#what a speedrun of a drawing that was#(<spent 10h on it. that's the minimum for anything ever)#hope today is treating you well! so long stranger!#vashwood#vash the stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#trimax#trigun#tzarrz
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Lan Wangji goes to Lotus Pier (No relation to the AU of the same name)
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#better drawn mdzs#mdzs#lan wangji#wei wuxian#Another split type comic because I decided to be ambitious.#This flashback is currently beating my ass. There are so many timeskips within the flashback! My flow and pacing are wheezing!#I loved how this scene starts with the crowd's point of view. The observations and gossip add a lot.#And it helps reposition us to what the external perspective is on these two. Namely that 'they don't get along.'#Tensions are known! Even here in Nouveau Lotus Pier.#Ah...Lan Wangji never got a chance to see the Lotus Pier of Wei Wuxian's childhood and adolescence...did he?#It's not the same. He's not the same. Call them by the same name and people will know what you mean...#...but the first version - the one with the fond memories - is gone for good.#It's sort of interesting isn't it? How names can hold so much power and still be hollow?#We often get stuck over past versions of things. Be it ourselves or other people or places.#Change is scary but the truth is nothing ever stays the same. It's always moving. You're always moving.#It's okay to mourn the past. Maybe it's people you lost or the person you hoped to be. Let yourself feel the grief.#And then? Then you grow around that pain and keep on going. If you feel like you can't - remember you don't have to do it alone.#A side note: Listening to the tossing flowers extra is so essential for this scene. It's cute and gives us more of [redacted]#What's [redacted]? You'll see in the next comic!
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The finale of a never-ending masquerade.
AQ 4.2 spoilers.
#fontaine writing cooked so hard#furina...my love... i'll give you all the hugs and macaroni that you ever wanted#ok maybe not all macaroni my funds are limited#genshin impact#genshin#digital art#my art#genshin furina#furina#neuvillette#focalors#genshin 4.2#I CRIED#another one to the speedrun pile i am so swamped#i hope everyone enjoys the 4.2 story T_T#blessing your furina pulls
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cherik as that one pink nightgown and blue pajamas holding a candle picture
this is so rushed but like. but like i see the vision and i needed to share it with all of you ok. pov you got caught raiding the fridge at 3AM
#xmen#xmen comics#xmen tas#cherik#charles xavier#professor x#erik lehnsherr#erik magnus lehnsherr#max eisenhardt#snap sketches#PLEAAASSE HIGHKEY ???? i did think of this meme with them fjerlkjerLKJ#ill draw a better version of this one day. probably. maybe. in essence somewhat perhaps#i couldve done a quick thing for that bedroom collection but id drawn so much already that day#it was best i bookmark it for another ... like tonight. morning. it is 3AM#i wanna rummage through erik's closet if im so tbh i know theres some cozy beautiful bullfuck in there#ok i should fr sleep now thank you for the fun day everyone but im afraid i actually have to focus. /later today/ NOT EVEN TOMORROW#you know whats truly horrifying two of my professors are giving me exams back to back on halloween#congratulations im terrified. on the plus side my fave prof's havin like. a lil halloween party before class so that'll be cool probably :]#ok im sleeping now im dreaming of cherik by the time youre reading this GOODNIGHT
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... am I allowed to flirt with the mer moon? 👀
Ohh be careful with that. He might just take it as a permission to keep you all to himself :)
#ask xitsen#maybe share with sun. just a bit.#lets say he has some big feelings#give him one reason to not keep them to himself#and you might just stay on the planet forever... Feed the fish. One way or another
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still devastated abt chop top but i LOVE bones so at least things worked out😭❤
#all jokes aside i think bones is a rly fun interesting character in his own right!!!#he gives very Friend of the Family vibes the way everyone seems to respect him and how tight he is with grandpa#i can imagine grandpa taking him under his wing when he was younger or smth#or maybe he grew up alongside drayton nancy and maybe hands and thats how he kinda became part of the family#also nancy peeping her one good eye at him💀girl you dont NEED another man on your hit list MOVE ONNNN#texas chainsaw massacre the game#tcm the game#bones slaughter#chop top sawyer#draytons lines towards bones: nice seein ya😌we miss ya🥺💕#bones lines towards drayton: youre doing a SHIT job💀 old ass
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Its folly to think Alfred's favorite is anyone other than Bruce. That's his son, and he would throw any of the Robins under the bus (even a recently dead one) for Bruce's well-being
#dc comics#i feel like alfred and robin is so so interesting#he starts out wanting to protect them in a lot of continuites#but (imo) once he realizes the impact they have on bruce he stops complaining#he enables a lot of Bruce's behaviour + priotises him in narratives like with Dick and Zucco when Zucco gets out#even the whole thing with we are robin - he creates a league of children to be robin when bruce has anminsai#speaking og when bruce has amnesia he makes sure no one gives him his memroeis back for Bruces happiness#even tho Damian literally now has no parent figure and cant go back to the manor#and when this happends to Dick he doesnt stop them from giving Dicks memories back#even stuff like saying reponding to Dick's “Bruce didn't have a light” “he had you"#like thats so sweet in theroy but its also like... it puts the pressure on Dick to get better#we need you Bruce needs you so get better as oposed to hey let someone else carry that now#idk maybe that was mostly bc thenarrative was carrting that#OOOH DONT EVEN GET ME START ON ALFREDS RETURN#okay this might actually be another post now ngl
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Wait is the middle picture from those three sketches that one scene from the wigmaker job?
yes! it's this specific passage where lucanis is just seething with rage and trying to keep a lid on it, and illario's a stablising, comforting presence. BROTHERS!!!!! <3 though i chose to draw his hand on his shoulder rather than his arm i guess. artistic liberty!
#in the future i want to discuss lucanis' anger in the short story + how spite would have made it worse#and how in my beautiful mind illario would have been the one to help him#no blood magic needed!!!!#like its a point of serious issues between the both of them and the relationship is like obviously fraught#and illario still gives his ambition pause because lucanis is losing himself to a demon and he drags him away from it#illario being a positive force despite his goals/lack of morality/etc is so interesting to me like. it doesnt matter what he's done#or the what's he's trying to do and all the usurping. lucanis is soothed just when his family is near#same applies to caterina to a . lesser extent. if they deserve this reaction from him is another thing#i also think. and important to note. that lucanis' internal narration never worries about illario's ability to finish the job#he sometimes giggles in his mind about illario not having the best balance or footing#but does not worry about the assassination being botched . and i also thought#the line 'i'm only here because of you' implies lucanis wants him to come on the job#considering he was the only one hired (the elf that greets them not recognising why he had someone with him)#so. i dont know why im saying all this actually. maybe just more on lucanis' dependancy on and care for illario + vice versa#lucanis dellamorte#illario dellamorte#answered#anonymous
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I will admit I'm a little salty that people, in an effort to prove that there is no good dialogue in Veilguard at all, keep comparing mission exposition to the high point narrative set pieces of prior games. I agree that some of the writing related to plot mechanics and mission exposition in Veilguard is a little too utilitarian, but that doesn't mean none of the dialogue is good or that prior games didn't also sometimes have this issue here and there.
I also generally dislike when people put the bar for good writing — and all writing too, not even just dialogue writing, ALL writing — at mic-drop sentences that still sound good completely divorced from context, because that really just reduces "good writing" down to like fake-deep philosophizing or witty quips exclusively. sometimes, a really good bit of dialogue sounds like a completely normal sentence out of context.
#Also writing includes what's on the screen! The castling scene is good writing! Rook struggling to hold onto the statues AND the dagger?#The Siege of Weisshaupt is good writing! It is writing when Rook opens those doors to see Ghilan'nain and realizing oh this is....#Blood of Arlathan! But like just going back to dialogue writing#I think a lot about that INCREDIBLE bit of dialogue in Psych where Shawn say “Since I met you‚ I've been thinking about getting a car.”#Which is a perfectly normal sentence out of context but it makes me so warm bc I know the context#“That he forgives me. And that I deserve it.” is an INCREDIBLE moment that NEEDS its context#“What did we sign up for?” “Love‚ I think.” is another one#But even if we were to just go for Veilguard lines that are still great out of context? It has those?#I see all of you into “There is no fate but the love we share” which IS a great quote#“He is loyal to nothing but his own fears” and “The gods! They give strength but all they ask in return is everything”#“Regret is even strong enough to serve as the lock on a prison built to hold gods. But such a prison can hold any captive... even you.”#“Everything dies. People‚ cities‚ empires. Fashions. Your favorite song. Things fade and are forgotten. [cont.]#Why would you want to outlast everything you love? It sounds like a terrible fate.”#“Do you really think something inside you has changed?” “It's possible. Or maybe we're the same. But does that mean we'll BE the same?”#“The cost of mercy is too high when others may die in its wake.”#and so on and so on and that's just stuff I remember off the top of my head#DATV things
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Rewatching TFA, for the hundredth time in a row, and I've got to say. I used to think Sari was, kind of annoying, during my first initial watch and sometimes. The things she does makes me go wide-eyed and gripping at the screen going, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?"
But then now, as I'm rewatching it hundreds of times over. I have to physically remind myself that she is a child.
And not only that, but she was a child that was BARELY raised properly. She didn't have other children to socialize around, she had a robot teacher, a robot dog companion, and her occasionally in her life father who was busy manufacturing robots, entertaining the ideas of tours and etcetera.
So maybe, yes. I can definitely understand why she does rash things, and act the way she does. I understand why she's seen as a social outcast amongst other groups of kids (like in the show, ON HER BIRTHDAY).
And I'm not as mad as her, as anybody should be for a child who was raised/taught the wrong things or having not been taught at all.
However...
THIS GUY.
IS A WHOLE 'NOTHER CASE.
I JUST WANNA-
#tfa isaac sumdac#isaac sumdac I am giving you a HARD side-eye#I understand how much of an overworked father he was and I can understand he IS trying at some capacity at his best to raise a child#Given that he never initially asked for one- one just kinda... Landed in his yard.#BUT GOODD GODDDDDDDD.........#My knowledge of psychology has me doing CIRCLES around the walls of my brain watching Sari act the way she did.#IM NOT EVEN THAT MAD THAT SHE DECIDED TO RIP OUT THE WIRES TO THE SHIP TO TRY AND STOP OPTIMUS N HIS GANG FROM LEAVING#I BLAME IT ONNN SUMDAC...#LIKE... FOR HOW MANY YEARS... WAS THIS GOING ON BEFORE SHE LIKE... ACTUALLY GOT ACCESS TO THE KEY AND IT MANUALLY 'grew' HER UP???#If I was ever a character in TFA... And I knew all this. I'd be throwing hands with Sumdac I'm sorry#transformers#tfa sari sumdac#tfa sari#sari#sari sumdac#tfa#transformers animated#maccadams#macaddam#Between Miko and Sari. I kind of understand Sari more. Miko's another case that I wish.. Explored more of her background because maybe then#I'd understand it a little more? Who knows. Maybe I need to rewatch Prime too#I have no doubt that he loves Sari ofc. There was literally several episodes of him trying to reconcile that with his daughter#ANd proving how much he loved her to the point of sacrifice#But I wanna know what was going through his head prior to allat#Isaac is a special case to me of fathers who tried their best given the environment and conditions and resources they had.
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I've talked before about how the way people treat suicide can be unintentionally devastating to the suicidal person, but I don't think I really ever said how to avoid that.
Speaking about suicide in how selfish it "is" ("think about how you'll transfer your pain to your loved ones!") might seem like a way to put logical sense into the suicidal person, but, honestly? It runs the risk of massively increasing their shame and guilt about being suicidal. Suicide is not inherently a revenge fantasy or a way to "get back" at someone's loved ones, so when the suicidal person is treated like a criminal of a "crime" they haven't even committed yet, you can imagine how unhelpful that can become.
Instead, if you want to point out how cherished your person is, frame their relationships as something they can keep fostering.
"Your cat will miss you :(!!!!" becomes "you and your cat seem close, right? I'm sure it's beautiful having a close friend like that!" and maybe include ways that they and their cat are close and meaningful to each other, tailored to that relationship.
That's only one example, but when you shift the focus away from why that person should repent and feel guilty for being suicidal, you can instead focus on why they would live for that reason. See how you can frame that as a positive? Whatever is keeping that person tethered should never be used as a bludgeon, I think, because then you're taking away why they're living, the positivity of why they are here. Whatever they are here for should be remembered often and honoured.
#mental health#mental health advocacy#mental health support#suicide#suicide tw#(after this i'm going to rant about being told the unhelpful narrative i included above)#when i was younger the thing i was told the most was that suicide would only transfer my pain to others...#...and is that true? maybe. was it helpful? no.#why was that unhelpful?#because i started using that as yet ANOTHER reason to feel guilty and to lash out against myself...#...because that didn't magic away my suicidality like it 'should have'...#...and that was ~obvious~ proof i didn't care enough about my loved ones to keep them out of harms way...#...and it can be really hard not to do that (give advice like that) because if you're not the suocidal person...#...you have the luxury of thinking without the burden they are labouring under...#...you can see 'logically' and make assumptions about what the other person 'needs'#it's just frustrating because i know that people like this want to help but i worry about *how* they are helping...#...in the sense that i want their efforts to actually help their person and bring them closer
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Can you talk about trans!Curly a little bit more? I'm curios if you have any headcanons and the like
-💀
It's just such a thing in my mind because it adds a truthful sadness and differing aspect to mouthwashing.
If Curly was trans it adds the horror of the horribly selfish thought he could have easily been in Anya's situation. It could've been him but it wasn't and he so conflicted on the pit it put in his stomach that brings and the shameful relief it wasn't. In this scenario he is friends with Jimmy for a long time still. Jimmy likely knew him pretransition. Maybe he gave Curly weird looks then, maybe they never stopped after, maybe they seemed meaner. They are guys now, bros, both of them are. He doesn't really have to worry what those looks mean anymore, Jimmy just has that face with him sometimes. It's recontextualizing a lot of things for him that he was in denial about or too ashamed to admit. How naive he was being and how he let that get another person hurt.
Specifically with Anya, it's he knows the dread and fear she's feeling. He can understand it because he had to live with it for a good portion of his life, he knows it cause he still does, just in a slightly different way. It makes him think of all the times he's been alone with Jimmy, all the times he's been way more drunk off his ass and not remember the night, Jimmy was always with him the next day. Makes him think of the comments he would laugh off both because that's what guys do but because that part of being a girl says to laugh so Jimmy doesn't do something. It's the selfish realization that he was never safe and he's uncertain now too. Mad at himself for forgeting that feeling, espcially since for a long time he would've been considered the only woman on a crew (with all that implies) for a long time.
He should've taken those blinders off, step back into that position for just a moment and it's so much more painful that Anya likely came to him because he should've gotten it. Those thoughts don't leave his mind after the crash when he's in an even more vulnerable position than she was...
#this is less headcanons and more my thoughts of the intersectional horror this brings to mouthwashing which is also a thing it#already has but more directly in the mix vs just the class gender and positional struggle. like the idea he waited to confront Jimmy becaus#he could conceptualize the crime better because of experience with womanhood and also how it would've destroyed him in terms of being trans#like its weird to word as a comparison but thats kinda how empathy works as in an understanding and ability to project through aspects#like you found out your friend who has always had weird feelings about and relating to you is a rapist and got one of your other friend#pregnant and is now being openly hostile and aggressive towards you. You have only a few days to really think on all of this all the years#with him and how many oppurtunites he had that you blame yourself for giving him both in life and to do to you. You are starting to#realize that he may have done what he did to Anya because it was no longer viable with him or because of weird transphobia/homophobia#from Jimmy and god its so much and he should've know better and what did Jimmy do then - c r a s h#he is at such a small amount of mercy to Jimmy now and he can't protect Anya and it's terrifying because i know and you know that Jimmy is#giving him those weird looks again...#like it adds another layer of horror to things and while I don't think Jimmy would do anything to Curly it's heavily implied he targeted he#because of relatively more important position and getting Curly to have doubts about him as a power play and Curly knows Jimmy well enough#that him immediately exerting his authority and power would set him off after already having been mad about it and even when doing#damage control it still set him off. like its the horror of accidenlty siding with your oppresser and hurting other like you only to then b#stabbed in the back again by the person who took advantage of your nature like its so complext but my actual trans curly headcanons#are just a little bit happier like i imagine he was the first on the boys soccer team and a star player. maybe he and jimmy even picked ou#his first offical “boy” clothes and Jimmy picked most so he looked like the grungiest white boy but she was a boy so it didn't matter cause#it was with his friend who accepted him and I bet on the bed he looks back at all those moments and notices the little details that his#friend wasnt actually so happy but he can't be certain when he started looking so bitter or hes just imagining out of paranoia cause he jus#cant know and even if he could he wouldn't want to ask like god thinking about Anya and probably being a little glad if not heartbroken#that she did get out of it in the end like trans curly and anya destroy me even more its so upsetting like he didn't realize how much he go#you girl and waited to act like it was cowardice but then would she not realize what hes realizing? should that be a grace or more of a#condemnation in her mind like what are her thoughts? espically during the scene Jimmy hits Curly like she had to hear and what did she thin#they are tormented in a similar hells with the same demon and its fascinating#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#anya mouthwashing#curly mouthwashing#jimmy mouthwashing
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Back at it again with another theory: What if Lucanis’ betrayal wasn’t a betrayal at all?
(obviously, spoilers below the cut)
During The Wigmaker Job, we have some dialogue between Illario and Lucanis about their position within both the Crows and the Dellamorte family. Illario wants Caterina to step down so he can take the coveted First Talon spot. Lucanis reassures him that his time is coming, to which Illario makes a snide comment about whether his cousin would ever go against their grandmother’s wishes. When they continue the conversation after the job, Illario states that Lucanis is the potential heir, that he’s her favorite, and that he’s unlikely to say no to her. Lucanis doesn’t argue, only insists that he doesn’t want to be First Talon, and that he hopes she’ll see reason before that. It’s mentioned again in Eight Little Talons - Caterina favors Lucanis. It’s well-known enough among the Crows that Viago and Teia discuss it in front of her (not on purpose, but she doesn’t deny it). He’s her prodigy through and through.
In the opening scene for the Lucanis quest in Veilguard, Caterina is poised, as you’d expect of the First Talon. She’s certain that the body they buried wasn’t her grandson, that it had been altered with blood magic. She doesn’t pose it as a theory, though: she poses it as a fact. It could, of course, merely be her confidence, but there’s another very unusual aspect to the scene – everyone else discusses how Lucanis was clearly betrayed, that someone must have sold him out in order for the Venatori to capture him. Caterina is the only one in that room who never speaks on it. She doesn’t ask for justice, doesn’t mention vengeance, never acknowledges that her grandson was sold out by someone he trusted – perhaps because he wasn’t.
What if, when Caterina comes to him with a plan, with an impossible request, he’s still her favorite prodigal grandchild, and he still does whatever she asks? She’s had him tortured before as a child, has tortured and starved and beaten him herself before, because it makes him stronger and more resistant to it in the future. He says in The Wigmaker Job that he used to hate her for it, but now he understands. He justifies it. All Crows justify it, because they have to - if they don’t, then the cruelty wasn’t for survival’s sake, and their suffering meant nothing. Perhaps he doesn’t even question it. When Caterina tells him that she has a job for him, he takes it.
What if the contract has a caveat? Sure, Calivan must die by his hand by the end of it, a little treat for a job well done, but what if his primary mission is reconnaissance, is discovery? The Venatori are using blood magic to torture and corrupt prisoners. It would behoove the Crows to find out what it entails and how to resist it, before it’s turned back on them. It would have to be someone so deeply, unabashedly loyal to her that when she asked them to infiltrate a Venatori prison, expecting torture at best, their own death at worst, they’d take the job anyway, no questions asked - someone Caterina can trust, certainly, but also someone who has never once said no to her.
And Lucanis has always been a loyal grandson.
#lucanis dellamorte#dragon age: the veilguard#datv#datv spoilers#veilguard spoilers#da posting#maybe it’s also just because she thinks it would make him stronger and that’s how she always justifies it to herself because she’s evil!!!!#she’s MICRODOSING her GRANDSON with BLOOD TORTURE and DEMONS to fashion him into A BETTER WEAPON#I keep hearing people be like ‘oh there’s a moment in the lucanis storyline where I GASPED’#and other than like ‘he was dead the entire time’ I’m like…… what would be that shocking#and you know what would be that shocking??#if he put himself through it on purpose#envisioning a line where he’s like ‘when Caterina told me to go I didn’t ask questions because I’m a good crow!!!!!’#(also I think that would REALLY give a good bite to his demon being SPITE of all things)#also also I still think that Illario kills caterina (if she’s actually dead) but y’know what?#if he does GOOD FOR HIM#also lucanis just happening to be bursting out of his cell when you get there…. SUSPECT#was he just ready to break out at any time? if so why did he stay and get tortured for a YEAR?#why were the guards so afraid of him?? what was he capable of???#‘you’re a crow’ or ‘but you’re not a crow’ ohhhh so you were expecting a rescue?#oh I am CONNECTING the DOTS (I haven’t connected shit) I’VE CONNECTED THEM#voelene#your caterina + illario post started these wheels turning and I am eternally grateful#also tho did update this slightly because I forgot about their conversation at the end of TWJ#also got so wrapped up in my hatred of caterina that I failed to consider another emotionally devastating option:#that lucanis was the one who wanted to go and caterina covered for him#now THAT’S got some bite to it too#and maybe Lucanis volunteering to take on a demon is why it doesn’t possess him fully#it’s like a wynne/anders thing it’s symbiotic
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